#art block and burnout is really kicking my ass

[swiftmitsu]

holy. moly…..

thank you guys for all your requests ehehe

there’s so many omfg what have i gotten myself into 💀it’s fine though i’m excited to draw them all

i’ll try to do them all, but for now my requests are closed!! eheh<3

[kattythingz]

My most favoritest wife ever….. 💘💡💛🔮

Dearest husband, you flatterer 🤭 If I must.....

💘 - is it easier to write angst or fluff?

Years ago, I would've confidently answered with "FLUFF ALL THE WAY BABY." Buuuut my preference has changed a lot since then, and I don't write nearly as much plotless fluff as I used to. More and more I've found myself really getting into writing emotional scenes, especially crying ones. That being said, fluff is still ingrained into my writing roots, so it's def easier compared to angst. One day, though... one day angst will come to me like breathing. Then it's OVER for y'all bitches.

💡- how many WIPs do you currently have?

Counting just my "active" ones... five. Hoping to knock that number down to four before this month ends tho 👀

💛 - what is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

Everything you learned in high school is bullshit.

Grammar, "said is dead", set paragraph lengths, all those rules about whether or not you need commas before words like too, anyway, and either—ALL OF IT'S BULLSHIT. The more you write, the more you'll learn that grammar is one flexible bitch. But you also need to strike a good balance! You can't nullify EVERY grammar rule ever or that'll lead to some messy ass writing and become so obv it's distracting, BUT. BUT. You also shouldn't constrain yourself to dumb shit like "sound effects need to be in single quotes". ALWAYS ASK WHY. AND ABOVE ALL DO YOUR RESEARCH.

Once you understand the rules, you can break them very tastefully. And readers will notice ;)

🔮 - any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

See, for actual, legit burnout, as much as I wanna embellish some fancy solution of just "working at your own pace!!"—that's kinda bullshit lmao. Real burnout will kick your ass, and I cannot stress enough how forcing yourself through it will only make it so much fucking worse (speaking from unfortunate experience). HOWEVER, if it's simply a lack of motivation, that's a different issue! Lack of motivation can be from growing bored of an idea, lacking an outline/direction, feeling unsatisfied with the story, or just general exhaustion from the idea tbh.

My recent solution has been to put down the current idea bumming me out and switching to the "sillier" ideas I've kept on the back burner. That au you love but nobody else cares about? WORK ON IT! Write a long or short fic or make that art or anything. Just invest your brain into a different idea that tickles you and have fun!

That tends to get the gears going again, and USUALLY leads to returning to your old wip with renewed vigor. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and whatnot.

Hope these help!!

[jikusartblog]

THIS TOOK ME HOURS....

This piece was revenge for @torisaysyeet attacking me with Emera. I wanted something wholesome with our characters from the campaign, but boy I’d be lying if I didn’t say art block was kicking my ass left and right. I thought about all that I wanted to do and I settled on a wedding picture. I really, REALLY like sappy love pictures and this was one of those. Given the height difference between these two girls, finding a pose that worked and framed well was DIFFICULT. I fell in love with this pose and eventually settled on it.

Then came the hard part: outfit and hair design. For Ginger, it was easy. Her hair was short and her outfit choices would be more masculine. A simple vest and slacks would be good for her. But for Dublin, life threw me a curveball. You see, Jester had their own idea for what Dublin would wear to her wedding and it was a little complicated yet simplistic at the same time. I was willing to try but the hair was giving me so many issues. I think it’s mainly to do with the fact that I struggle with textured hair after not drawing it my whole life but y’know we’ll ignore that fact. 

THEN IT HIT ME. The Sims 4 released a wedding pack a couple months ago and it had the PERFECT hairstyle. With that in mind and with Jester’s approval, I started to work on this. All in all, I’m EXTREMELY happy with how it turned out. A bit of the shading got fucked up because of my carelessness but I still love it.

The sketching process took me 3-4 hours. The lineart took me another 3 hours. The coloring and shading all together took me about 3-4 hours. This amounted to around 9-11 hours of work on one piece. That might explain the early burnout for this year. LUL

But I love how it turned out and I can’t complain that this was the last attack I did this year. It was so much fun.

[writing-for-amusement]

Commission for Confidence, 4

Summary: Y/N has been struggling with her self-esteem for years. After incessant pushing from your best friend, Y/N decides to commission an artist to draw her, expecting everything to happen via Internet. However, when your phone is stolen, you try to cancel the commission, but Peter Parker has other ideas. He quickly becomes enraptured by you, and a friendship forms easily. Will it lead to something more? Or will your past fears get in the way?

A/N: Okay, so the end of this chapter is admittedly a little choppy, but if I had included more, it would have been probably unnecessarily long (especially since I’ve kinda developed a pattern for myself with length of chapters). I’m so glad that people seem to be enjoying my work!! I’m thinking of posting some other stuff sometime soon, so I don’t burnout on this story, but idk yet. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, please give me feedback, I crave it.

I feel like I should mention that I try to be as neutral with looks as possible. Even if you have darker skin, you still blush, even if it might not be visible. Hence why I often refer to it as “heat rushing to your face” or whatever, but I try to not mention how red it makes Y/N look. If anyone has advice on how to do it better, please let me know!

Also, if you want to be in the taglist, just let me know!!

Taglist: @pparkerwrites, @scatterbrainedgenius, @jordyns-library, @wildfirecracker

Word Count: 2557

Warnings: mental illness (depression and anxiety), brief mention of deceased loved one, insecurity, lots of awkwardness, awkward “flirting” (??), Peter being a cutie pie as always

Peter helped you gather your things and waited patiently as you gave a bright thank you to the owner, Morgana. Then, he was holding the door open to you with a bright smile.

“So,” you prompted as you both started towards the subway.

“So,” he echoed, sending you a playful grin.

“We talked so much about me,” you pointed out, “so why don’t you tell me more about you? If I may be so bold, I’d like to become actual friends with you, instead of just minor acquaintances.”

Peter turned to face you, walking sideways, and was beaming so bright you thought you’d need sunglasses. “Really??? I feel the same way!”

You blushed slightly, looking at the ground for a brief moment. “I’m glad,” you admitted in a murmur.

Soon, the two of you were entering the subway, intent on getting back to Queens before the amount of people traveling got worse.

“So,” Peter began, letting you take a seat as he stood in front of you in the rather crowded car, “I’m trying to think of what medium to capture you in.”

You blinked in surprise.

“I mean, there is a raw beauty to just charcoal or regular pencil, but you are so vibrant and gorgeous, I want to do something more.”

Peter was staring out the window in thought as the heat filled your cheeks, neck, and chest. You bit your lip to try and stop the squeal or giggle of happiness from leaking out (you couldn’t tell what it would be, so you kept your mouth shut). You found yourself looking up at Peter, noticing how he himself would make a great model for any type of art.

Brown eyes suddenly looked at yours and you were thankful that the subway was coming to the next stop. It gave you an excuse to look away, his curious gaze making you feel tingles up your spine. As a tired mother entered with two small children in tow, you and another passenger quickly got up and let them take your seats.

Now, you were standing almost chest to chest with Peter Parker. You awkwardly tried to shuffle around him, so that you were standing next to him, but another passenger quickly took that spot. That left you right there, closer to Peter than you thought you’d ever get.

“Hi,” he blushed down at you.

“H-hello,” you stuttered. “So, you were saying?”

Your weak attempt at saving face actually worked, and Peter began to talk you through the pros and cons of other mediums of art. You found yourself to be incredibly intrigued by the way that Peter spoke.

He spoke so passionately that you could basically see the different aspects of each medium before your eyes. You could see brushes of acrylic paint, or the subtle blurring of watercolors, as he went into greater detail than you almost thought possible.

“Of course, photography will always hold a place in my heart, but sometimes you can’t capture the same emotions as you could with actually making the art yourself. The best part of photography, though, is when you—”

Peter was cut off as the subway car jerked and you fell into him in shock. You had never been particularly graceful, but at least this time it wasn’t your fault. You expected to knock him over; he was a fit man, but you knew you had some heft to you, especially with that violent of a jerk. Something like that would make you, or really anyone, knock over even the largest of men, you were certain of it.

To your surprise, Peter caught you easily, not even moving his feet as he was clutching you to his body. His hand was like comforting and warm candle fire on your waist, slowly heating your muscles. Beautiful brown eyes regarded you with concern.

“Are you okay, Y/N? That was quite the jerk. They’re normally not that bad.”

You nodded sheepishly, removing your hand from where it was splayed on his firm chest. You cleared your throat and took a slight step back, nearly regretting it as the warmth seeped out of your waist slowly.

“Thanks, Peter,” you smiled, albeit a little nervously. “I definitely would have fallen over if you weren’t there.”

"Well,” Peter began, smirking at you, “I can tell you that I’ll be here to catch you, anytime you need it.”

You giggled, covering your smile with your hand. “Then I hope you’re around a lot, because I’m the clumsiest person around,” you told him, realizing as soon as it left your mouth that it was incredibly flirty, at least for you.

Peter was looking at you with a look you couldn’t decipher, but his mouth was grinning. “Hey, I won’t complain about that.”

The heat rushed through your body and you looked at the floor, trying to calm your stampeding heart. Your throat felt a little dry, not expecting his response. You looked up and saw a skinny little thing staring at you with contempt, and your heart crashed to the ground.

Your brain quickly clouded over with negative thoughts. Of course, she’s staring, you’d never fit in with a guy like Peter. Look at him, he’s gorgeous and fit. And you are definitely not. She thinks you’re crazy for flirting with him. And you are crazy for flirting with him. He’d never go for a girl like you, you’re not his type.

Now wait just a minute, you interrupted the hissing whisper, how do I know what his type is? You can’t just assume someone’s type, you know.

Doesn’t matter, the hiss replied easily, anything as big and jiggly as you are is never anyone’s type. You should know that by now.

You ended up heaving a sigh, the hissing getting louder and louder in your head. It was blocking out every positive thought you’d ever had about yourself, pointing out the jiggle in your thighs, the fat of your stomach, the stretch marks that decorated your skin. It pointed out how your laugh was too loud, your smile too big, your fingers too fat, your cheeks unnecessarily full. The clouds became a storm, torrential rains freezing your body, turning your blood into the slowest river in the world.

“Hey,” a shining light of a voice broke through the storm, making you look up at Peter. “Are you okay?” he asked, his hand brushing your arm.

The tingles that his touch brought started to drop-kick the clouds from the forefront of your mind. Peter was looking at you in a way you couldn’t quite tell, but it was like he could tell you were upset about yourself, like he would tear the world to pieces to make you feel better. It made your heart crack, fighting to escape your chest and screech to the world that you were beautiful and worthy.

Because that’s how his gaze made you feel.

You suddenly brightened, the clouds on the far horizons of your mind as they always were, but they were done storming and flooding. “Yeah, Peter, I’m alright,” you told him sincerely, a small but genuine smile on your lips.

Peter’s molten brown eyes assessed you critically, making your body warm and thaw from that freezing storm. After a few more moments, and the subway car nearing your stop, Peter seemed content with your answer. He gave you the sweetest smile you’d ever seen.

The car came to a stop and Peter gestured for you to get off the car. As you fought the crowd of people entering, Peter hooked his pinky in yours in order to stay together. It made your stupid heart flutter up to your throat, but you managed to swallow it back down.

The two of you broke through the crowds and Peter unhooked his pinky from yours. The loud pounding of your heart began to quiet as you and Peter made your way out of the subway; the “fresh” air of the outside (as fresh as it could get, of course) helped clear your mind a bit and you relaxed ever so slightly.

Peter started leading the way to his apartment, which was in the same direction as yours. “The place is kinda a mess,” he informed you as you walked next to him, “but it’s not too bad. Mostly just a couple of unfinished works running around.”

“Hey, I don’t mind,” you told him, stepping farther into the sidewalk as a crowd of people walking the opposite direction tried to take over the small space.

“I grew up in Queens,” Peter stated, and when you looked at him, he was scowling slightly, “but lately, all these crowds have been even more rude than usual.”

You chuckled lightly and shrugged your shoulders. “You grew up in Queens, huh? So, you were here when Spider-Man became a thing, yeah?”

If you didn’t know any better, Peter’s shoulders tensed as he waited for the streetlight to change. Then, an almost nervous chuckle flitted over to your ears.

“Yeah, I remember. I saw him swinging around in that cheap ass suit one day after school. How embarrassing for him.” Peter’s ears turned a light pink color.

You hummed in thought slightly, glancing at him as he glanced at you. “I liked that first suit, actually,” you admitted. “I mean, obviously it wasn’t as effective as his following ones, but I’ve always admired homemade creations. It was creative in its design, at least I always thought so from the YouTube videos I’d seen.”

“For real?” Peter asked as you began to cross the street.

“Yeah.”

You were surprised when Peter began to laugh, pulling you into him by your shoulders as you walked. Your heart plummeted as he appeared to laugh at you.

“I’m glad someone liked it!” Peter then said, removing his arm and grinning at you. Your heart slowly began to clamber back up to its new home in your throat. “Especially someone with such good taste as you!”

Your heart raced to your throat like a mountain goat on the hunt for the sweetest grass at the top of the mountain. With your heart came a rush of blood and warmth.

God, you really needed to get it together. You didn’t know how you were supposed to survive around such a sweet man, with such a bright personality.

Eventually, you and Peter made it to his apartment building, which was closer to the subway than your own. He kept you entertained for the short walk, regaling amusing stories from high school and college. You learned of his best friend and now roommate, Ned Leeds, rather early on in the conversation. And you learned that he absolutely adored his Aunt May.

Peter opened the door for you, and you thanked him with a dramatic bow of your upper body, your nerves tingling happily as he laughed and copied your gesture. He introduced you to the doorman (making you realize that this was a really nice building) before pressing the button to call the elevator.

“Geez, this is a nice building,” you remarked as you stepped into the elevator. “The elevator in my building has been out for like three months.”

Peter chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Yeah, well, I haven’t told you about my full-time job yet.”

“I didn’t know a building this nice existed in Queens,” you muttered to yourself, though you were exaggerating just a little.

“I work for Stark Industries,” Peter stated, making your head snap over to him. “I-I started an internship when I was in high school,” he explained nervously, shuffling his feet. “And through college, I worked there too. And now I have a full job with Mrs. Potts-Stark.”

You tilted your head in thought, thoroughly impressed. “Wow, I knew you were smart, but damn, you’re a full-blown genius!”

Peter’s blush crept up the back of his neck and he shifted again, obviously sheepish. He muttered out a shy, “Thanks,” along with a sweet smile. “The great thing about my job, is that it actually leaves a lot of time for my creative endeavors. Mrs. Potts-Stark makes sure of it, actually; she’s very big on preventing burnout.”

“Stark Industries, man, they’re prestigious! I’ve always admired Mrs. Potts-Stark,” you continued as the elevator opened and you both walked out. “She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever read about. She’s so strong, too. And not to mention Tony Stark. I always knew that he wasn’t as selfish as the media made him out to be; I once did research on Howard Stark, and honestly, Tony Stark, before and after developing weapons, makes so much psychological sense. Some people only point out his faults, like his ego or oversight. They say this like it makes him a bad man. I say that he was a great man, with his faults.”

Peter was staring at you, his jaw slightly agape, and there seemed to be tears in his eyes. Concerned, you stepped forward and tilted your head to look into his eyes.

“Peter? Are you okay?” you asked gently.

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered, closing his jaw. Slowly, a smile made its way to his cheeks. “I, um, I was very close with, with Mr. Stark. Sometimes, it’s hard to hear people talk about him like he was this perfect human, or like he was the worst man ever. But, just, hearing you talk about him like that? It means a lot. Y/N, it—it makes me so happy.”

Your hand twitched as you ached to wipe the happy tear from his cheek. You kept it down, instead pulling out a handkerchief and giving it to him. Peter took it from you and glanced between it and you before chuckling wetly.

“You owning a handkerchief is so on-brand,” he chuckled as he wiped his tears quickly. Quite unfairly, it almost looked like he’d never been crying at all.

You chuckled nervously and shifted your weight back and forth. “Sometimes, it makes life a lot easier.” As he tried to hand it back to you, you held up your hands and waved them a bit for added emphasis. “No, no, it’s okay. You keep it. I have… I have more at home,” you ended in a shy whisper, almost not wanting to say it aloud at all because you’d been made fun of before.

“How many?” Peter asked, no trace of malice in his voice. “Enough to be a proper damsel in distress?” This time, he grinned at you before turning to get to his apartment.

“I’m not a damsel,” you scoffed playfully. “Nor am I proper. I’m in distress at lot, but it’s mostly internal,” you chuckled. You waited behind Peter as he unlocked his apartment door (it was painted a dark red, and you quite liked it).

“I’ll have to introduce you to Pepper sometime,” Peter said as he let you inside. “I think you’d both get along really well.”

It was then that it really sunk in for you. You were about to go into the apartment of a man that you met just a few hours ago. While you were fairly certain Peter wasn’t a serial killer, you were worried about what this evening would bring. With your awkwardness, you thought it to be quite possible that the sweet and passionate Peter would kick you out.

[holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight]

The Bodyguard - Chapter 5

Summary: Magnus is a dancing popstar sensation whose popularity continues to climb. Alec, an ex-Secret Service agent, is hired on as a professional bodyguard in charge of Mr. Bane’s personal security by insistence of Magnus’ manager. Despite their initial differences, Magnus finds himself falling for Alec the more time they spend getting to know each other and relies on him for more than physical security as his safety gets threatened. Loosely based on the 1992 film The Bodyguard.

Rating: M

Genre: AU, Everyone is Human AU, Celebrity!Magnus, Bodyguard!Alec, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Romance, Eventual Smut, Mutual Pining

Author: holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight

A/N: So sorry I disappeared for a few weeks there - I am suffering from intense occupational burnout and compassion fatigue and I'm doing my best to work overtime while battling it so it's been taking up all my brain power. Hoping things calm down soon and I can better focus on this story.That being said - here is another chapter. Things get a little more exciting from here on out! Malec is coming soon ;) Thank you for sticking with me and this story! You guys are amazing.

Click here to read on AO3.

Previous chapters on tumblr: Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4

"Hit, hit, duck. Good." Alec directed, nodding in approval as the group hit their target clearly. "Luke, great form. You're getting good power with those hits. Keep your wrist straight."

Luke nodded and kept hitting the cushioned martial arts dummy in front of him.

Alec held these training sessions when he could, when they had a day or two between shows or Magnus was busy in dance rehearsals. Some of the security team he had hired on his own, but some had come from Magnus' original group. Naturally, those original people didn't have a lot of formal training in combat or disarming opponents, so Alec took it upon himself to prepare them. If something happened and Alec wasn't there, he wanted to make sure everyone was safe and knew what to do. He had night patrol keeping an eye on the floor they stayed on every night, even with Alec in the bedroom over from Magnus, and regularly stationed guards in positions around the venue. He needed them to be able to act efficiently and effectively in the event someone who did not belong tried to intrude.

The benefit concert Magnus was performing at tonight was a very small club, with not much room to place people, and Alec felt more nervous than ever at the idea of the team not being fully prepared to tackle down a dangerous suspect in the event it came up.

So far, the tour had been uneventful for actually coming across a suspicious person, but Alec knew that streak of luck was just that – luck.

Luke wiped the sweat off his brow as Alec paced by him while observing the room.

"You really don't go easy on us, huh?" Luke asked, taking a deep drink from his water bottle.

Alec smiled. "Not my style. Best way to ensure progress is to challenge. You've all come a long way in a short time."

"You're a good teacher. To be honest, Alec, I wasn't sure about you in the beginning, but you've been what we didn't know we needed. Magnus included. He probably will never admit it to you, but I can tell he's glad you're here."

Alec chuckled. "He definitely will never admit it. But thank you. I hope so. His safety is my ultimate concern, but it is easier to protect him when he lets me."

Luke was watching him closely, a spark of mischief in his eyes, and Alec wondered what he had said that made him look at him in such a way.

"You get him though. Even though I know he puts you through your paces. Something about the two of you works."

Alec regarded him skeptically. "Don't tell me you're joining the fans in 'shipping' the pair of us."

Luke laughed. "I didn't say that… but I haven't seen Magnus so smitten in all my years of working with him. You're good for each other."

"You guys are seeing things." He turned to the rest of the room, grateful the others weren't eavesdropping on the conversation. "All right, everyone! Let's practice some disarming!"

Luke smirked as he swept past him to head to the mats on the other side of the room.

Alec shifted uncomfortably at his spot on the sidelines, trying not to let Luke's comment nestle in his mind and manifest into hope.

The venue was small, smaller than Alec anticipated, and it made his anxiety jump upon seeing people filed around the block and the realization that it was in anticipation of the big night.

Magnus, of course, looked thrilled by the turnout, flipping through social media to see the posts from excited fans.

"Are we there yet?" Magnus asked, peeking through the tinted windows in an attempt to see how close they were to the hall.

"We're going through a back entrance, Magnus, to get you in past the crowd and where you're needed." Raphael explained.

"Alexander, will you relax? You're setting off my anxiety and I don't even  anxiety." Magnus said, placing a hand on his bouncing thigh.

Alec's leg stilled, surprised to find it had been moving of its own accord, and grimaced. "Sorry. I'm not looking forward to trying to keep things under control with this crowd."

"You worry too much, darling. It'll be fine. It's just a bunch of enthused people ready to donate and support the LGBT youth. Remember that that's why we're here."

Alec swallowed at the feeling of Magnus' fingers drawing circles on the inside of his knee. He tried to remind himself that Magnus threw pet names around easily, that it didn't mean anything.

"We're here. Stay." Alec said quickly, jumping from his seat as soon as the brakes kicked in and near-stumbling out of the car.

"Sit. Roll over." Magnus imitated, collapsing back onto his seat with his usual dramatic flair.

Alec ignored him as he set the security team in motion, clearing the main area and gesturing for Magnus to follow when the time came.

Magnus bounded after him, a little too much like a rogue puppy, and Alec tugged him to remain by his side while the others did their usual sweep.

"Honestly, Alexander. Why don't we clear my dressing room first? Or the rehearsal hall? Waiting around is so boring."

"And deprive myself of extra time in your extraordinary company?"

Alec missed Magnus' sarcastic reply, too intent on what was being said through his wire.

"Repeat that please." he said stonily, gripping Magnus' arm and immediately backing him to a nearby corner to block him in.

"Alec, what—"

But he heard it through the speaker then.

"It's like the others you showed us. Magazine clippings of letters to make up the words. Whoever it is, they know Magnus is here."

Alec closed his eyes, exhaling slowly, as Magnus gripped his jacket from behind. He jerked it back when Alec went to move.

"They're here?" Magnus asked hoarsely.

"Not necessarily. Just that they know you were coming. I… I don't like it." Alec admitted lowly.

Magnus pressed closer to him, even as Alec gave directions through his headset. He felt stupid for poking fun at Alec's anxiety now, when that was all he could feel rushing through his veins. He had been getting too comfortable, thinking that Alec's presence was more of an insurance policy, and that, even worst case scenario, Alec's position would scare off any half-assed stalker. It had been weeks since something happened.

It meant this person was for real, and they clearly meant business. They were following him through the tour; they had photos of him in his home, and then had posted a message at the Chicago venue, and now here.

What did they want from him? Why were they doing this?

Magnus felt Alec relax, even minutely, and pulled himself out of his thoughts to listen to him.

"No sign of any other danger or anyone out of the ordinary. If the person planted that today, they're gone now. It doesn't mean they won't come back tonight." he added. "Magnus, you should think about cancelling."

"Cancelling my appearance at the benefit?" Magnus asked just as Raphael came in the room.

"Alec! We can't cancel this late. Magnus would be ostracized. There are hundreds of people lined up outside who have been hanging around all day just to get a chance to be close to the stage he is on! It would kill his reputation, not to mention plummet the charitable donations…"

"Look, I don't like it either. I respect what this is about and what the fans want, but I am trying to keep Magnus safe!" Alec argued.

Magnus placed a hand on his arm. "Alexander. You said before… giving this person power, by showing that they've gotten to me, or putting a spotlight on them, is exactly what they want. Isn't cancelling because of one letter doing that?"

Alec met his eyes, considering his words, before sighing. "You have a point."

Raphael clapped his hands together. "Magnus is right. We wouldn't want to make things worse."

Alec ignored him and turned his full attention to Magnus. "This place is tight quarters and going to be crammed with people. I won't have as easy of access to you if things go south. Are you absolutely sure you want to go forward with this? This isn't like Chicago—we know before you're on stage that your safety is at higher risk. That they found a way in here before even we did and before the audience was let in. That isn't a good sign. It shows far too much eagerness for my liking, and there's nothing to say they won't attack once you're on stage solo and an easy target."

"I can't let the fans down, Alec. I want to do this." Magnus told him earnestly.

He nodded finally. "Okay. Let's get you to your dressing room. I want a better look at this letter."

He kept a hand wrapped around Magnus' bicep as they moved through the hall, eyes darting to every corner more than ever, and he prayed that whoever dared to threaten Magnus was long gone.

He didn't like the idea of how much bolder they were getting. It could only spell danger, and he would be damned if he let anything happen to Magnus while he was around.

Magnus tried to keep the underlying fear off of his face as his team worked away at getting him prepped for the show.

He didn't want to make a scene, or set off anyone else's fear, but he was panicking on the inside. The letter had been enough to send a shiver down his spine.

BANE BASTARD

YOU HAVE EVERYTHING

I HAVE NOTHING

THE TIME IS COMING WHEN YOU SHALL DIE

He didn't understand what the person wanted. If they wanted him dead, because he 'had everything', killing him wasn't going to let this person have his life or whatever they claimed was 'everything'. He knew that stalkers weren't necessarily rational, so maybe they did think that would happen.

Either way, the text certainly seemed to suggest some sort of psychosis, which did not make him feel excited about his decision to move forward with the benefit. But if running away was what this person wanted, he'd be damned before he gave it to them. They weren't going to take away one method he knew how to pay back his fans for their support over the years.

He was not going to run scared. He trusted Alec to keep him safe and the rest of the team. Even with Alec's warnings that it wouldn't be easy if something did happen.

Magnus couldn't remember a time he had seen Alec as tense as he was now. His eyes would not stay on one place for too long, and he seemed fidgety, which was not the norm for him. Magnus could see through the reflection in the mirror Alec's thumb nail digging deeply at the stretch of skin between his thumb and index finger on the opposite hand.

Magnus frowned. Alec's nervousness was offsetting his own stress even more, and that was the last thing he needed before he went out on stage to put on an upbeat, fun performance.

"Alexander. Can you go take a walk or something? Your presence is raising my blood pressure."

Alec scowled. "I'm not leaving. Your safety is at an increased risk. I don't want to take any chances."

"Well right now, you're risking my sanity."

"That's your problem."

Magnus moved to get out of his chair, ready to get up in the bodyguard's face, but Raphael pushed down on his shoulder to keep him seated.

"Alec. Talk me through your conversation with the police earlier." Raphael said, leading Alec away from the room.

"Raphael…" Alec started to warn, but the manager cut him off.

"He's surrounded by multiple people from his team—not a prime time to attack. As well I've… just summoned Luke to stand guard in your absence." he said as he typed in his phone.

Alec reluctantly followed Raphael, shooting a last, somewhat-hurt expression towards Magnus, which made Magnus immediately regret making a fuss.

He knew Alec meant well, and that he was stressed because he was worried about his well being. It was unfair of Magnus to punish him for it. It was incredibly difficult to relax and not think about the impending danger when the person meant to stay calm and collected was clearly freaking out but he couldn't exactly blame him for being worried.

One of his tour assistants came into the room then, carrying a collection of snacks for the group.

"Magnus, you should have something before you go out there. You need your energy."

"I can't, Iris. I feel too sick to eat." he admitted, though he accepted a water bottle gratefully.

She rubbed his shoulder supportively. "That bodyguard of yours has certainly made things harder for you."

Magnus narrowed his eyes. He remembered why he didn't always get along with the woman. She tended to jump right to blaming others or pointing a spotlight at negativity. He had known her from one of the group homes he had been in in his late teens, and back then they had quite a bit in common. She hadn't had an easy life, and, after he had gotten his big break, they had run into each other and she managed to pull at his heart strings when she was honest about how much she was struggling to find her footing. He offered her a job and she had been working with him ever since.

Since she was a tour assistant, she managed a lot of the administrative pieces Raphael passed off to her, like rearranging travel plans or confirming venues, meet and greets, and the like. It wasn't an easy job – it was a lot of problem solving and reorganizing previously established plans – but she seemed to do well since Raphael didn't complain about her any more than he complained about anyone else.

Magnus knew his success was only capable with a group of talented people in the background, often overlooked and underappreciated by the general population, but Magnus never shied away from rewarding them for their hard work whenever he could. Spontaneous gifts, all-inclusive resort vacation getaways, and of course a handsome paycheque to boot. He had never gotten into the business for the money—but given how little he had growing up, it was incredible to have the power to do so much.

Not to say he didn't still indulge himself too—that went without saying. But he also gave large portions to various charities and used his fame for things like that night's benefit to raise money for others.

Magnus dragged his attention back to his staff member. "Alec is… intense, but he means well. He just has a good habit of getting on my nerves. Nothing I can't handle."

Iris forced a smile, clearly catching the subtle reprimand. "My apologies, Magnus. He just seems to not know when to back off. I'm only trying to look out for you, after all these years, as you've done for me."

Magnus nodded. "I know. I appreciate your concern. Perhaps you should go check with Raphael before the show starts; see if there are any last minute emergencies that need handling."

She bobbed her head in acknowledgement before slipping away and out of the room.

Meliorn moved forward to finish his make-up, and Magnus left the offered food untouched.

Magnus let his team finish their aesthetic prep before being fit for a mic. It wasn't long before he was walking towards the wings of the stage to prepare for his entrance.

Unsurprisingly, Alec was behind him like a shadow as soon as he got close enough to the stage.

"Magnus…" He grabbed his wrist before he could pass, and Magnus found himself turning into the curve of his bodyguard's arm.

"Alexander."

Alec closed his eyes for a moment, seemingly steeling himself for what he was about to say. "Look. I wanted to apologize, for before. I know this whole thing is stressful, for you more than anyone. I am hired to keep you safe, and I take that job very seriously. By not keeping my fears underwraps, I'm aiding in your discomfort, and that isn't fair of me. I'm sorry."

"Alexander." Magnus said, squeezing his bicep. "Thank you but I should be the one apologizing to you. I know I have a short fuse, but I shouldn't automatically take it out on you. Like you said, this whole thing is stressful. I know you're only stressed because you care, and I appreciate that."

Alec finally smiled, the first he had seen in a while, and Magnus found himself mirroring it.

"Magnus Bane, everyone!" the announcer's voice suddenly cut through their spell, and Magnus awkwardly stepped back out of his embrace. He didn't remember when he had started leaning into Alec so heavily.

"Ah, excuse me."

"I will be right here, just in case. I won't take my eyes off of you." Alec promised, and the sincerity in his eyes had to be what caused a shiver to roll up Magnus' spine.

Magnus stepped out onto the stage with his usual flair, greeting the crowd with his typical enthusiasm before the music started and he got into place.

Normally, his concert venues were larger, so he'd have a full band and back-up dancers/choreographed routines happening. The stage was too small for all of that, so it was just a solo act this time around, which made Alec all the more nervous.

He stayed watchful on the sidelines, scanning the crowd, keeping his promise to not let his eyes stray too far from Magnus.

Magnus was dancing along the central piece of the T-shaped stage, the audience on either side grabbing for him like he was a shower of cash they were trying to catch from the air. He would wiggle his fingers at them, brushing at a couple hands, but any time anyone got too close, he'd skip away with a playful grin.

Alec couldn't help his lips turning up at the corners at the sight. Magnus was totally in his element on stage, any stage. No one would be able to guess he'd spent the last couple hours with the growing fear that his life could be in danger at any moment.

Alec was jerked from his thoughts abruptly when an audience member finally managed to get a good hold on Magnus' hand, holding him in place and nearly causing him to lose his balance and make nice with the floor.

Alec was moving before he was even conscious of his decision, grabbing at his mouth piece to instruct the others that were nearby, but Magnus caught his eye and sent him a warning look. He raised a hand to get him to pause, moving his body with it to make it look like part of his routine, as he continued to sing like nothing had changed.

Magnus managed to get his hand free and swept away, moving to the other side of the stage to pay attention to that crowd.

Alec exhaled. He was really glad Magnus was only one of a few guests. He couldn't stand this anxiety for hours on end.

Magnus did a few more songs, a slow ballad among the more energetic ones, but it was his second last one that went downhill.

Due to the packed crowd, Alec's security team was stationed as close to the stage as they could be without being squashed by the over-enthused audience, but somehow, they still weren't close enough.

One person, with the help of a couple friends, managed to climb onto the stage when Magnus' back was turned.

"Underhill!" Alec hissed into his mouth piece, but even he could see the blonde man was struggling to get through the packed bodies to get to where the fan was now dancing on stage.

Magnus, ever the actor, simply smiled brightly and twirled the person, but Alec could see the underlying fear growing in his eyes.

"Get him out of there!" Alec shouted, poised ready to run on stage, but Magnus was raising his hand in a stop motion in his direction again and Alec paused mid-step to wait.

It was against his better judgment, but he wanted to respect Magnus' autonomy, and he knew he'd never forgive him if he ruined the show with his overprotective nature.

But then another friend of the group managed to make it on stage, with others following, and Magnus' mic was near-ripped from him as they tried to get a handful of the star and snagged the wired contraption well off of him in their haste.

Magnus' eyes were full of fear now, especially when, in his attempt to get away from them, he lost his footing and fell off the stage.

"Magnus!" Alec shouted, racing out there at lightening speed and shoving through the gleeful group on stage with no remorse. They scattered like mice, and he tried not to feel pleased.

Magnus had been caught by the ecstatic audience, their screams and cheers roaring in Alec's ears like white noise now, their arms holding him up like he was attempting to crowd surf at a rock concert. All he could hear was Magnus' broken protests, asking to be put down, for them to stop, although, for anyone else, it likely was getting swallowed up in the excitement.

Alec leapt off the platform and tore through the group of bodies to get to Magnus. Underhill, Garroway, and the others were helping thin the crowd as Alec finally caught up to where the star was.

He shoved the hands off of the star and pulled Magnus into his arms bridal style, Magnus' arms latching around his neck while he buried his face in his shoulder, trembling all over.

Hands still were desperate to get a handful of the celebrity, reaching in the crammed space to tug at his shirt, hair, whatever their hands could reach.

"Get your hands off of him!" Alec snarled, sounding more animal than man, and he used his shoulder and broad body to knock anyone in his path aside as he made his way to a clearing.

He didn't care if he was sending the more stubborn people stumbling. Served them right for caring more about the thrill of touching their so-called idol than respecting his personal space and safety.

Once free from the crowd, Alec spoke into his headset.

"Raphael, I need the car running and ready. Back exit. You have sixty seconds or I'm grabbing the nearest cab."

There was panic on the other end, Raphael demanding to know if Magnus was okay, but Alec didn't know how to answer that.

"I've got him. He's safe now." Alec said, which caused Magnus to look up at him.

Alec's heart clenched in his chest at the tearstains on Magnus' face. His grip on his neck loosened, fingertips brushing softly at the nape of Alec's neck, and his eyes were trained on Alec's hazel ones.

Alec leaned his forehead against Magnus' as they came to a stop at the back exit.

"I've got you." he murmured before opening the door to the night air.

Continue to Chapter 6