#arsonstick

[flickering-nightfall]

did you see

THERE ARE OFFICIAL ITERATOR PLUSHIES NOW

hold on i need to go do. something

also my. wallet. help.

[tiktaaliker]

i aaamm curious about your blaseball guys,,,,, yap away

OH HI HELLO YES. OHIO WORMS.

so. um. a very important thing to know about the ohio worms is that they sucked so bad and had the worst luck imaginable. when the team first joined the league our players were so awful that we managed a partytime speedrun (aka we set a record for being mathematically eliminated from thr playoffs the quickest. and that record was never beaten. go worms!). I could go into more detail about this because i personally find it REALLY fascinating and the worms rotten luck is part of why i love the team so much, but I'll spare you from the essay on mathematically proving that the sim hated the worms, and for now and talk about other stuff lol

another very important detail about the ohio worms is that in blaseball this -> 🐌 is a worm. Out of keyfabe this was because the actual worm emoji wasnt available to all devicies. In keyfabe this is because the Comissioner doesnt know what a snail is

ANYWAYS. Heres some of the guys from the ohio worms that i think about a lot c:

^ old art but i still like it. pictured left to right is lenny crumb, scratch deleuze, and patchwork southwick

Lenny Crumb is usually depicted as a snail or worm with a pastry for a shell! He's one of our original players from when the Worms first joined blaseball. He was our first in rotation, and hit a home run at our first ever at-bat! If you've listened to the legend of lenny crumb from the garages world tour album, its about this guy c:

Scratch Deleuze is another worms original. Usually depicted as an opossum. I love scratch so much its unreal. Scratch was one of our best batters and was really widely beloved among worms fans (including me). She actually spent a really long time elsewhere; i think she might hold the record for most irl time stuck elsewhere, if not then it was def up there. She also got the cluttered mod in one of the later seasons, which worked GREAT because we had the filithiest stadium BY FAR and the mod made her play better in stadiums with high Filth levels. Also her pregame ritual was eating spaghetti <3

PATCHWORK SOUTHWICK MY BELOVEDDDDD. i have an unhealthy obsession with mediocre pitchers in blaseball and patchwork was the best of them. So without getting too in depth on player stats and fk stats and all that stuff because it was REALLY complex, but the main thing thats relevant here is the ruthlessness stat. Ruthlessness was a stat that impacted how often a pitcher throws strikes instead of balls. It was EXTREMELY important and every really good pitcher in blaseball (at least up through mid-expansion before i thiiink stats got reworked a bit and ruth wasnt as important anymore) had a maximum ruth. Patchwork meanwhile was EXTREMELY fascinating because their ruthlessness was jusssst good enough to make them a viable pitcher but also shitty enough to make any game they pitched in the most dire and stressful experience imaginable. Patchwork liked to load up the bases with walks and then strike out three batters in a row. Practically every noteworthy game in worms history had Patchwork as the pitcher. A running joke in the ohio worms was "I WANT TO GET OFF PATCHWORK SOUTHWICK'S WILD RIDE" for a reason. I love themmmm and i personality hc them as a scarecrow being possessed by a committee of ghosts c:

^ more old art lol. Kaz Fiasco and Pitching Machine

Kaz Fiasco waz an original worm who is commonly depicted as a mothman-adjacent creature. When the glitter weather first started appearing (which had a chance for players to randomly received items. Kaz got 2 hats which he had on at the same time. Iirc i think his first hat he got in the first ever glitter game in the entire league! He ended up being feedback'd over to the Sunbeams in exhange for Iggy Delacruz (riv), which i think was extremely fitting. I personally headcanon that the only recipe that Kaz is able to make is party cheese salad, and I would go into other teams channels temporarily just so i could let them know about this whenever kaz joined a new team.

Pitching Machine is not an original worm by technically. During the first election Worms were a part of after being part of the league for less than a full season, we somehow ended up with Pitching Machine (REALLY good pitcher, extremely popular, involved in Major Plot Events) which is great! ....except with the way trading worked, PM ended up in our batting roation. Surprisingly enough, Pitching Machine was also a pretty good Batting Machine! PM was a beloved worm to the point where we intentionally wasted a will during one election to steal it from ourselves (long story). The song Not That Bad by the garages (also on the world tour album) is about pitching machine's time on the worms c:

I actually have quite a few more ohio worms players i want to talk about, but honestly i'd need to dedicate an enire post JUST for vess sundae and roz darkness, my two all time favorite blaseball players ever, and also its almost 1 am and i have work tomorrow. but i can and will talk more about blorbos from my splorts later

[batnip]

draw a scug over this

five pebbles got my slugpup :(

[targaros]

Forty-five pebbles. I wonder what medium was used to generate this image...

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

he looks like hes in pain .

oh yorick.. what are they doing to you </33

[whiteboardslugcats]

chalkboard spearmaster

Ay!!! Was wondering when one in this sort of medium would pop up :D

[signal-crash]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhh screams with you!!!

[copepods]

dude your rain world takes are so good

tyyyy im mostly not great at analysis but i try

[gynaephora]

what do i do if im in the top 0.001% listeners of a song

Your answer is as good as mine 😔

[seven-red-sunss]

what do you think of this image?

That.. is certainly an image. It looks like there are nine versions of Five pebbles there. It's a bit on the lower quality so I can't quite make out anything else. Why am I being shown this ?

[yourfavoritecascade]

cough cough. here ya go. enjoy

🥺🥺🥺

ADRTFGYFGGHHUIFBFBDTRFFFFF HELLO? THIS IS SO COOL OMG TYYYYY <3333

I’m srry I would definitely respond with smth more but the COVID shot after effects have been kicking my ass all day and I’ve just been in bed mostly hahaha :,)

srsy tho tysmmmm :)))) made my day

[tiktaaliker]

tbh im a big fan of the ohio worms. big big fan of Guys who Are Not Doing Well

oh MAN let me tell you about how much the ohio worms suck (i say this with so much love in my heart btw)

first of all, i actually managed to dig up the worm event history doc i had made back during blaseball beta that lists almost every single good or bad or cool thing that happened to the ohio worms spanning from season 13 (our first season in active play) up to season 23, along with relevant links to reblase! tbh i need to update it to include before sibr links and add stuff that happened after s23 lol. but here's a link to it if youre interested in that.

as a tldr, here's some of the really funny things that happened to the ohio worms contributed to my conviction that the sim hated us in particular:

we had a team mod that gave the team a small stat boost whenever we ended the season as last in our division. it was only proc'ed 3 times because we weren't good enough at being bad. it WOULD have activated a 4th time in season 19, except the turntables rule made every win negative so we were at the top instead of the bottom. so we got NOTHING

we had the lowest average percent chance of passed wills in elections out of every team. so the sim kept picking the things that very few worms fans actually voted for which often ended in REALLY unfortunate situations, like boosting a player that got traded away in the same election, or moving a player to a spot they were already at, or boosting defense. we kept infusing defense on pitchers (which is entirely useless since pitchers didnt even contribute to defense) it was a real problem. we also kept getting things in the elections that were either completely useless or actively detrimental

speaking of defense, one thing that the worms was REALLY good at was defense! we had one of the strongest defenses in the league, which in theory is great. except that defense wasn't actually all that useful in a meta where the best players just hit home runs all the time

one of our only good pitchers at the time, rivers rosa, got bit by sharks so many times that we had to pull her off the roster into the shadows. it was devastating.

because of the configuration we chose for our stadium, we didn't get an option to clean our stadium for a reallllyyyy long time. this was a problem because filth added to eDensity, something we already had problems with considering we had extra championship wins adding to our weight (none of which were actually won in normal gameplay btw, it's just that all of the breach teams started out with at least 3 championship titles because the conceit is that they were already ascended). we were extremely heavy which was part of why our players kept getting attacked by consumers so often. well it WAS going to work in our benefit after a while, because we eventually had enough items on our players to prevent attacks (shout out to xandra pancakes and her steel chairs) and scratch deleuze got the cluttered mod, making her UNSTOPPABLE while on our home field. but then we finally got the option to clean our stadium in the renovations and all of our filth........ GONE..........

we actually once sunk ourselves on semi-purpose. we had this whole campaign to get 4 gifts from the gift shop from other teams because people had started dumping coins into us receiving a chorby soul replica with a chorby's soul item, presumably as a joke initially because chorby's soul is a one way ticket to having your entire team eaten alive by sharks. but we thought that if we could use a different gift to give our players items to protect themselves then we could actually progress the plot a bit in the process (we had a mod that made items contribute more to our eDensity, so we were the only team who could actually use the chorby's soul item to break the gates to blaseball2 (long story)). the other two gifts were because our 3rd place option was for one of the dynamic duo, and we wanted to have BOTH liquid friend and uncle plasma replicas because we knew that Something Would Happen if a team had both on the team and we wanted to find out what it was. Well it turns out that having both of the dynamic duo meant that they would punch the shit out of any consumers so we were effectively immune while also FINALLY breaking the blaseball2 gate. and this would be the end of it except one of the players from the boston flowers stole our chorby's soul and THEY got eaten alive by sharks because they did not in fact get both liquid friend and uncle plasma replicas. whoops!

we fought tooth and claw to improve our team. it was a real struggle, but we very slowly and very surely managed to get our players and lineup good enough that we were FINALLY able to make it to the championship in season 23. we didn't win, but surely we'd be able to get it next time! except we didn't get to, because during the next season the sun collapsed into a black hole and ate the league. and when the main seasons started again at season 1 all the players were reset and reshuffled into the teams so the worms were back to sucking again

during one of the short circuts, the worms won a blessing in the election that transformed the team into THE OHIO PEANUTS. the fans (myself included) were EXTREMELY hype about this because we got honey roasted as a team mod, which was exciting! um. nothing came from this and we got kicked out of the postseason by the spies (as always).

speaking of that the houston spies were like... the ultimate enemy of the ohio worms in that i think they knocked us out of the post season over half of the times that we qualified

when blaseball started back again for real, the worms proceeded to suck real bad, do nothing significant, and won no blessings. in the final election, a different team won a blessing that incinerated one of our players, Johnnyboy Aster. on the official blaseball twitter, the commissioner did a standard "in memorium" tweet except that the commissioner referred to Johnnyboy using he/him pronouns. this is VERY significant because this is the first time a player has EVER been referred to using any pronouns other than they/them by anything official or official-adjacent. and then the next tweet was the announcement that blaseball is over forever lol. i like to think that both johnnyboy aster and the entire splort of blaseball was killed by a gender reveal party

[killerforthepies]

hear me the FUCK out tho. jesus on the telephone is so. telephone siblings. and i will rant if given the opportunity

RANT RANT RANT! ill be busy so i wont see for a few hours but i LOVE machinery of the human heart and i need to hear how its like our blorbos

[targaros]

hi pindles hi pembles hi febbles hello pendbles

Your fourth try was extremely close, just replace the "f" with a "P"...

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

hrhrhhrrhg i need to listen tk more of myth but the library is so . hjgkggjh. its so good i Cant

SO TRUEE god everyone should listen to the entirety of MYTH but if not pleaseee at least the library at the very bottom of this place <333

[whiteboardslugcats]

what if whiteboard iterator..?

ft nsh on math class whiteboard

SIGGY!!! They are so eepy