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bobattef · 11 months ago

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Not my Loki

POV: You were in a (some what complicated) relationship with Sylvie. Due to being on the run from the TVA, you both got split up over different timelines. You tried pretending you were a hunter for the TVA so you’d be put on missions to help find her but your long term goal of returning to her side is knocked off its path as you start to fall for another Loki variant that was drafted in to help track down Sylvie also.

Möbius was sure this time, surer than sure that Sylvie was last spotted in 1977 London.

You had been through the 3rd time-jump door this evening alone, things were getting exhausting on this mission to find Sylvie but you promised yourself you’d never give up.

Walking the cobbled streets of London right now, you shuddered slightly at the cold.

“Can I offer you my jacket?” Loki was right beside you now after slowing his pace to drop back from Mobius.

You smiled warily, he was always so kind to you since the moment you had met.

Saving you from the bullying tactics of Renslayer on your very first day.

He was pretty much the sole reason why you were working so closely with Mobius and B15 now on the mission to track Sylvie.

“I’m not sure it’ll quite fit over this armour” you looked up at him now as you both walked down another alley, following the other two.

Loki looked off into the distance, feeling slightly awkward.

He’d always liked you since the moment you had met.

He couldn’t quite explain the pull he had towards you, but you had always felt like ‘home’ to him.

He was forever grateful for your help in trying to locate Sylvie, he was in awe at how much you cared to find her but he didn’t know the real reason why.

Möbius intuition was right.

Sylvie was here.

Her face was like some sort of lost puppy as you clocked eyes together down that dead-end alleyway.

You wanted to run to her.

Embrace her in your arms.

Run off together in the London fog but it felt like she tore your heart right out of your chest when she shouted at you.

“Stop trying to find me y/n!”

“It’s not going to work” were her last words before stepping through another time jump door.

They cut like a knife.

Deep.

As the blade felt colder than the London night air that was now nipping away at your face as your tears ran down it.

Möbius and B15 only just catching up to you as the orange glow from the door disappeared fully.

“Argh so close!!” B15 threw her helmet down on the street in frustration.

“Did you get a reading on where she jumped to??” Möbius asked Loki but he hardly heard him speak.

He was fixated on you. He couldn’t believe what he saw, what he heard.

You and Sylvie.

You were ready to risk it all.

You wanted to jump through that door with her, he could see it in your eyes.

Those eyes that lit up when they laid upon Sylvie, he knew that look as his eyes did the same.

You were in love with her as much as he was in love with her.

***

You couldn’t possibly sleep.

Mobius told you all get some rest as another timeline jump has been a failure.

But all you kept seeing when you shut your eyes was her.

How could she do this.

You promised each other no matter what you’d stick together.

Yes your situation had its difficulties but you were happy to jump from timeline to timeline, live different lives week after week.

It was exciting.

Was…

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn’t realise Loki had joined you where you were sat now in the canteen.

The squeaking of the chairs metal leg on the tiled floor pulled you out of your daydream.

“We need to talk” Loki says matter of factly as you stand from your chair now.

“No we don’t” you really didn’t want to get into this right now.

You weren’t sure just how much he knew.

If he heard anything you and Sylvie said to one another.

He grabs you by your arm as you look down at him.

His eyes almost begging you to sit back down.

You feel something in the pit of your stomach as you return to your chair, sighing out loud so he would know the inconvenience.

Loki looks around the almost empty canteen. Time worked differently here at the TVA so there was no set meal times but, much to his relief, right now was quiet.

“What’s the deal?” He practiced this conversation a few times in his head on the way to see you but now he’s lost for words.

You look at the floor and shrug.

“Y/n?…” he voice sounded desperate as you look up to his eyes now.

Usually they were curled up around his iconic smile but right now they were filled with sadness.

You swallowed hard as the look reminded you of Sylvie’s.

“Deal with what?” You snap back. Putting your guard up.

“You and…” Loki cuts off as another TVA personnel walks past your table, they nod their hello as you both fake a smile at them.

“There’s nothing to say Loki” you stop him from saying her name.

“But…what she said, the way she…looked at you” Loki lowers his voice to a whisper.

You cross your arms.

You really didn’t want to speak about it.

Especially to him.

He watched as you clenched your teeth together.

The muscles twitching alongside your jaw.

He often thought about having his mouth move along that delicate skin of yours, planting kisses down that same jawline.

Trailing them along your neck and…

He coughs, bringing his thoughts to a stop.

You look at him.

“There was… something” you emphasised on the something for use of a better word.

“But now there isn’t so…let’s drop it!” You smile at him but he knows it’s fake.

He almost lets out a laugh as it’s his turn to cross his arms over his chest.

“And you didn’t want to say before because..”he tilts his head at you as you furrow your eyebrows at him.

“Seriously??” You say a little too loudly as a few other workers look up from their lunches.

“What did you want me to say??” You whisper now.

“I’m really working undercover. I’m not a hunter. This is just an elaborate and desperate way of getting back too…”

Loki full on chuckles now causing you to cut off mid sentence.

“I meant…what about…us?” You chew your bottom lip, causing him to lose the amusement from his face.

“Is there an…us?” He asks you now as you look away.

You both sit in silence for a while, not knowing what to say.

Yes, there had been times where you and Loki shared moments.

Tighter hugs, lingering kisses on the cheeks or foreheads, you did flirt outrageously with him but most of the TVA staff did, it was the affect he had on others.

You never knew there was something growing on his side though, just assumed he was being normal ‘protective’ Loki.

Now as he stares at the ground out of embarrassment you realise it was a little more than that.

But what is it to be now?

Is Loki going to tell Mobius the truth about you?

You’d get kicked off the hunting team for sure but what will they do to you knowing you had been playing them all this time?

Prune you?

You shudder at the thought.

“Look…” Loki reaches out to touch your hand resting on the table but thinks better of it and starts tapping his fingers against the shiny surface instead.

“I won’t tell anyone about, you know” he says to you as you guess wether or not he’s been reading your thoughts. If he could even do that.

“But we do need to find Sylvie”

“She doesn’t want to be found” your voice waivers slightly as you process your words.

“By you..” Loki says as you look at him in surprise at his outburst.

Suppose it was justified.

“But we still need to find her…the TVA does. We need to know what comes next…with he who remains and the branched timelines and…” Loki starts to word vomit as you watch his face.

He’s always been determined on finding Sylvie.

The whole team has but as he tells you these reasons why you see past them all.

You saw how his face dropped as you both watched Sylvie step through that time-jump door.

“You liked her too?” You say quietly to yourself as he stops mid conversation.

“What?!” He spluttered out.

“Sylvie…” you look up at him as you see his eyes close in realisation that you figured it out.

***

Beepbeepbeep

The alarm blasting through the speakers above were draining on your ears.

You were in the locker room, gearing up.

Loki had kept his promise of not telling a soul.

You hadn’t worked out if it was a good or bad thing.

Good because, no pruning, yay!

But bad because it meant when that klaxon sounded, you were still pretty much a hunter and had to answer it.

You would avoid Loki on a mission.

He’d obviously be there for updates and instructions but where as before you’d be laughing and working closely together, right now it was awkward.

You both were obsessed with the same woman.

That was complex enough but when you also had feelings for one another, it was too much to even think about.

“Alabama 1982…” B15 was reeling off the details of this mission as you both marched down the corridor to Möbius and Loki waiting by the time jump door.

“Sylvie was last spotted by one of our locaters working in a…McDonald’s? A restaurant it looks like. In a town in Alabama” your mind casts back to how you both would love a McDonald’s date.

Cheap food, made even cheaper the further back in time you would travel.

It was so cool to watch how it evolved over time.

What was weird was that she was ‘working’ in one but you had given up trying to guess her plans.

Seeing as you weren’t in them anymore.

“Remember suspect is highly dangerous and in no doubt armed” Mobius voice almost drowns out as he gives his usual heads up before a mission.

You pull your helmet down further over your face as you cover the bottom half with the scarf.

You could feel Loki’s eyes on you the whole time as all 4 of you step through the door.

The orange flow from the time-jump door disappears into thin air as you take in your surroundings.

You were in a field, must of been the middle of the day as the sun beating down on you from above started heating up your armour.

You and B15 start to trudge through the long grass towards the yellow M sign of McDonald’s.

You feel Loki staring at the back of your head as he tries to work out what your motives are now Sylvie no longer wants you to rescue her.

What will you do if she is inside this restaurant.

Abandon the mission.

Help her escape.

Fight her perhaps?

He couldn’t work you out and that scared him.

You reached the car park of the restaurant now.

Mobius and B15 in low hushed voices as they planned 2 would go in the front and 2 round the back.

You squinted in the sunshine.

Deep in your thoughts.

Loki stands next to you now.

“Looks like we’re going through the front” he tells you not looking at you.

“This doesn’t feel right” you cut him off.

“Look, I know it’s far from ideal still doing what we are doing but we need to see the bigger picture here. Find Sylvie, locate he who remains and…”

“I mean this” you gesture to the almost full car park of this McDonalds, it was only a small restaurant on the out skirts of the town but it should of been buzzing inside going by the many vehicles parked up.

Meaning the restaurant should have been full also.

But you couldn’t hear a word from inside.

“An ambush?” Loki sounded worried now, working out where your thoughts were going.

“Guys, what’s up? We going in or?” B15 was always wanting to spring into action but you weren’t 100% convinced this was a normal set up.

“It’s too quiet” you tell her.

“Hmm you’re right…” Mobius sighs out as he pulls out a time pad from his pocket, putting in the co-orindates for the TVA, just in case you needed a quick exit.

You and B15 both pull out your time sticks.

Holding them up close to your chest you step inside.

Loki holds his breath as he hates watching you have to go in head on first.

The strategy was always you and B15 going in armed to see if the coast was clear, you’d both call back either it was or he’d hear the shouts from you as you stepped into a fight but this time there was nothing.

Worried and going completely against protocol, he swings open the door but isn’t prepared for the scene that was before.

You were ok, was his first sight.

Then he looked around, following your eye of vision as he laid his eyes upon every diner and worker that was inside slumped over on the tables, sprawled across the floor.

All fell after what seems to be a puncture wound or 5, their blood oozing out onto the shiny tiled floor.

“Oh my…” Mobius voice sounded choked making you look up at the both of them stood in the door way.

B15 almost gagged when she kicked over a fallen man to reveal a stab wound in his eye.

“This is…a massacre” she whispered out as you walked towards the counter, stepping carefully over a young man that was against the serving table.

“How could she…” Mobius now sounded lost for words as you look up at him.

“You think Sylvie did this?!” You snap.

B15 scoffs.

“Who the hell else?!” She shouts.

“It’s not Sylvie….” You say but your voice trials off.

Your eyes find Loki’s as he tries to work you out.

He’s seen some horrible things whilst on this TVA journey of his.

And in his many years of life before it.

It was always common grounds for the loved ones to not believe what evil their spouses or family members were capable of but he could see it in your face.

He believed you.

This wasn’t Sylvie.

It definitely wasn’t her style.

You turn to face the counter once more, feeling tears start to sting your eyes as your brain whirls around.

If this wasn’t Sylvie then who was it.

Who could commit such a horrific act inside this sleepy towns McDonalds.

You place your time stick down on the counter as you feel your arms start to shake.

Both with anger and of worry.

Was Sylvie alright?!

You lean against the tills now, your head dropping low as many what ifs circle your mind.

But as you glance downwards you see an arm raising up towards your face.

You feel the pain before you can even react to move out the way as a fist comes crashing down on your face.

You cry out as you stumble backwards slightly from the blow.

The mysterious person springs up from their hiding place holding a small pistol.

You go to shout to the others to take cover but your voice is turned into a scream as the searing pain flies through your shoulder.

It feels hot, so hot.

As your head cracks on the tiled floor, your helmet luckily taking the brunt of it.

Everything seems to move slow motion as just when shooter fires his shot, he’s thrown backwards into the shelving area by Loki’s magic as B15 runs toward him, time stick raised.

You try to lift your head to see if she had gotten him but it hurts.

The throbbing of your split lip and definitely fractured cheekbone competes with the searing pain in your shoulder.

“She’s been hit Mobius!! She’s been hit!” Loki’s voice sounded so scared as you bring your good arm up to apply some sort of pressure on your wound.

“I got her!!” Mobius was stood above you now.

“Help B15!!” He shouts at Loki as you’re not even sure where he was right now.

Mobius drags you to sit upright against the back of the chair.

You cry out at the pain shooting across your arm and face.

“Medi kit?!” Mobius barks at you as you lift one of your hips up slightly, revealing the small first aid box that was strapped to the thigh of every Hunter in the TVA.

He wastes no time at grabbing the pain relief shot, ordering you to bite down into the plastic coating as he pops it into your mouth.

The sour taste of the medicine bursting and making its way into your blood system causes you to gag.

You never actually had to take one before and thankfully as it was the most disgusting thing.

Using the small pocket knife you had on your utility belt, Möbius cuts open your sleeve to where the bullet had penetrated your skin.

“This is going to hurt” he quickly tells you before shoving two fingers into your wound.

You want to scream but you’re cut off by hearing another man’s scream.

You glance up to see where it came from as you spot Loki walking towards you all smug.

“How am I supposed to cuff him when you’ve just snapped his arm?!” B15 calls out as you smile faintly at him.

Loki’s smile quickly disappears when he sees your bloodied lip and bruising appearing on your pretty face.

“You ok?” He almost can’t talk as you bite your already swollen lip to stop yourself from crying out.

After confirming the bullet had come back out, Mobius applies the quick fill gel you had in your medi kit to close up the wound.

It was only a temporary fix while those that were injured, got to the medical bay back at the TVA without bleeding out.

“I’ll kill him” Loki told you matter of factly as Möbius rolls his eyes at him.

“Kill our only suspect and lead to get to Sylvie?” He says as he shakes his head at the god of mischief being so dramatic.

“It’s only a scratch” he smiles at you trying to cheer you up.

You cough as he makes you laugh.

“Come on, we need to get him detained” he says as B15 walks over to you all, dragging the shooter behind her “and you, to a medical bay” he places a hand on your shoulder, you wince as he apologies for touching you in that one area.

Loki snakes an arm around the back of you as his other lifts you by your legs.

“What…what are you doing??” You splutter out.

“I was… going to carry you” he says as if it was the most obvious thing.

“I can walk” you tell him, avoiding his eye contact as you feel your cheeks heat up at the way he clutches you so close to his chest.

“Ok” he sighs out as he lowers your feet back onto the floor.

“But I’m holding you up” he tells you as he keeps the arm he had placed round your back.

You don’t realise how much you needed his help as you practically leaned against his body the whole way through the jump door and onto the bed the nurses had waiting for you back at the TVA.

***

The heaviness of your eyes were too much to fight. You felt yourself slipping into a dream as you laid on the hospital bed.

The medical facilities the TVA had always blew your mind.

So clever and so advance yet it was still the same old few stitches in your arm and a cold compress on your face what the doctor had ordered.

At least you felt next to no pain now.

“I’m sorry…” Loki lures you from your slumber but you keep your eyes shut.

“…I didn’t realise you were sleeping, ill, I’ll come back later” the shyness in his voice causes you to open your eyes slowly.

“I’m awake” you smile weakly as you sit up.

“What are you doing? Lay back down” Loki stands next the bed now as he fluffs the pillow a few times.

“I’m fine Loki” you laugh at him.

“Are you?” He asks.

“I mean, minus the hole in my arm and the smashed up face, yeah” you joke but he doesn’t laugh.

“Y/N I’m sorry, i didn’t react in time, I wasn’t quick enough, it just happened so quickly, I, I panicked” he starts mumbling but you reach out for his hand with your un bandaged one.

“Don’t be silly Loki, no one would have known what was going to happen…we got him, that’s the important part….” You squeeze his hand now.

“He is still alive right?” You smile up at him as he avoided your gaze.

“You didn’t kill him did you?” You say as he looks up at you.

“No” he smiles now “I wanted to…still do” he says not letting go of your hand.

You both stay with your fingers entwined with each other, you don’t find it as awkward as you would have before when you would accidentally brush past each other.

Loki stares at your split lip, the wound had closed up but it was still red and swollen.

Trailing his eyes up the the bruising of your cheeks, he has a different set of emotions now.

It infuriates him that you were so hurt, he feels like taking you into his arms, wrapping himself around to you protect you from this.

To promise you he’ll never let anyone hurt you again.

He seems to be lost in his thoughts as he doesn’t realise you had asked him a question but instead of asking you to repeat it, he places his lips on yours.

You take a fair few seconds to catch on what was happening right now.

Was he kissing you?

There wasn’t much movement in this kiss, it was more your lips were just pressed together but as you close your eyes to be lost to it, he darts his tongue out.

You weren’t too sure that you should kiss him back but once he added his tongue to the mix, you shredded any doubts and mimicked his movements.

Your lips stung as your cheekbones throbbed under the force of Loki’s mouth on you but you didn’t care.

He places a hand behind the back of your head, holding you in place as he kisses you deeper.

Your one free hand goes to rest on the waistband of his trousers as you indistinctly pull him in closer to you.

The urgency in you causes him groan into your mouth as your thoughts race to having him devour you right here on the hospital bed.

“A-hem!” The sound of B15 clearing her throat cause your eyes to fly open in fear.

You almost push Loki away from you as he sighs out his frustration at being stopped.

“Möbius is about to interrogate the guy from the restaurant…” she tells you both looking at you more than Loki.

You nod as you had no words.

“If you’re not too other wise occupied?” She looks at Loki now as he exhales a laugh.

She turns on her heels and walks out the medical bay, you feel a long ass lecture is coming your way from your counterpart.

Adjusting his belt buckle and straightening his jacket slightly, Loki watches you as you jump down from the edge the bed.

You shuffle your boots back on and ask him to pass you your jacket that was hanging on the back of the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asks you genuinely intrigued.

“To the interrogation room” you say matter of factly.

“What? No!” Loki snaps “you are to stay in bed and rest, you’re not coming to the…”

“What? No!” You find yourself repeating him.

“I need to know who that guy is, what he was doing there, if he saw…” Loki now cuts you off.

Pushing you backwards til you sit back on the end of the bed.

“You’re staying here, you’re going to rest, and then when I’m done questioning this guy, I’ll come back and tell you all about it” he taps you on both your shoulders, you wince slightly as your shoulder throbbed.

“See…you’re in no fit state to be in the same room as him” Loki gloats at you as he knows he’s right. He places a kiss on the top of your head as you glare at him walking out the door.

As soon as that door clicked closed behind Loki, you jumped back onto your feet, awkwardly placing one arm through your Hunter jacket whilst draping the other side over your bandaged up shoulder.

You make your way to the interview room that was attached to the interrogation cell.

Loki told you weren’t in no fit state to be in the same room as your shooter but he never said anything about being in the room next door to him.

You were surprised B15 was stood in there also.

Expecting her to be in the cell doing the questioning with the other two.

You avoid her gaze as you stand next to her, staring through the one way mirror out to where your suspect was sat, with Mobius and Loki before him.

“What was that back there?” She asks you, still looking forward.

“Nothing” you shrug.

“Hmmm” she crosses her arms now “didn’t look like nothing to me”

You don’t say anything else.

You felt embarrassed she had walked in on you and Loki playing tonsil tennis but you also didn’t have an answer for her.

What was this? Even you didn’t know.

Interrogations are long.

The suspects always long out questions, choosing silence over answering anything.

You were leaned up against the wall of the interview room now, the tiredness from earlier on catching up with you.

B15 comes back inside with a caffeine beverage for you.

She doesn’t say a word as you say your thanks.

You weren’t exactly friends, more like work colleagues that happened to be put on the same missions over and over again so you did create some sort of a relationship with her.

But things were definitely strained right now in the tiny confines of that room.

You want to say something more to her but the opening of the door once more stops you in your tracks.

It was Loki.

“I went to check on you in bed and…” he says to you as he runs a hand through his hair, totally annoyed.

“Surprised?” You grin at him sarcastically.

“Not one bit…however I think you’re wasting valuable resting time. He’s not talking and you’re not healing” he stares down his nose at you now, knowing he’s right.

“Oh Loki, it’s only a scratch” you tease him as B15 scoffs at your obvious flirting.

“By a bullet!” Loki snaps.

“Yes…by a bullet but he got a lucky shot!” You quip back.

“Purely getting the one part of me that wasn’t covered by my armour” you roll your eyes at the stupid design of your Hunter armour being so gappy at the shoulders.

“Hmm..a little too much of a lucky shot” you say working something out.

If you had taken a hit anywhere else, the bullet of ricocheted off you, you would have still be stood on your feet in front of the shooter as you could have attacked him back.

But he aimed for your shoulder knowing it wasn’t covered.

“He’s a hunter” you whisper out.

“What?” B15 can’t seem to work out what you said.

“He knew where to hit! He knew where our armour was at it’s weakest” you tell her as you poke the hole that was in her armour now.

“Ow!”

“See!” You turn to face Loki now as he understands your point.

“Not every one knows about the gappy armour! You literally put the chest piece on separately from the arm piece” you look between them both as your clarify your point.

“He’s a hunter” you say out loud as you look at the man still sat in the middle of the cell next door.

***

#loki x reader #loki series #tva loki #marvel #pov #fluff #mentions of injury

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finnlongman · 9 months ago

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Argh, an extremely not-final version of the cover for Moth to a Flame has filtered through to pretty much every online bookshop now and that's such a pain in the arse because that means it's going to keep popping up in Google image results forever and I will be constantly having to message people and telling them that they've used the wrong cover. I don't even know how this one got uploaded in the first place, given that it's a rougher draft that any of the ones that have been under discussion with my publisher lately.

(So while I'm here: if you are considering including Moth to a Flame in a list or a graphic, please don't use the cover currently available. Once I have the final cover I'll upload it everywhere I have the power to upload it but that one isn't it.)

#you can tell it's a rough draft because the title hasn't got the spiky bits that the first two books have #moth to a flame #the tagline is also wrong and the colours are messy. i'm so annoyed that this one has got uploaded

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riisinaakka-draws · 6 years ago

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*wonders why there are suddenly a lot of new notes on older works...*

*realizes also that has not posted new things for a while despite drawing a lot...*

*well well well...time to do something about that at least... *

*updates some of the tumblr drafts and kicks the procrastinating perfectionist ass a bit to actually click ‘post’ *

#well I see my drafts and wip folders all the time #idk why I get so timid about posting stuff #I don't really want to go back and fix things if something bothers me (and it's basically too late if already posted in tumblr)#and the quality is so varied when there are a lot of unfinished wips ugh #so I procrastinate forever #I'm constantly in a state of muahahahaha see THIS and ohgodpleasedon'tlook #oh god it's so...idk what to think when I see some of my older art #and it's not even that long ago pfffft #make no mistake though - I have superfun with all my works it's just hard to uh...#.. to share... and to be seen #... to click 'post' eventhough I want to #argh. fuck it.#I have read the comments and tags from recent days (weeks) and they have been really nice #seeing some of my old art on my dash has also reminded me that That's how you go forward #by doing things. taking steps. improving and practising #challenging yourself #(finishing drafts or more like just deciding that it's enough now...)#and I just really enjoy drawing these pirates and fucking miss them

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amphtaminedreams · 3 years ago

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Spring/Summer & Haute Couture Week 2021: Whoops, I’ve Missed a Loooot (Part 2)

Hey to anyone reading,

I’m so sorry for the gap between the last fashion week review post and this one! Argh. I had no idea I posted it as long ago as the beginning of March but I think we can all agree that lockdown has fucked with our perceptions of time completely. I wish I could say the delay in posting was as simple as me being busy but I’ve also started to reflect on whether or not I want to carry on this format of posts for the time being; on the scale of problems, this one is wayyy down there in the very lower quartile of the first world region, but my motivation to carry on this kind of content in the form of long-winded text posts is...meh...not so much there anymore. At first I was thinking the issue was that working on these was my last priority on my daily to-do lists but as I’ve got back into writing fiction, it’s kind of occurred to me that the fact I was putting these posts on my to-do lists in the first place along with things like doing the ironing and contacting student finance speaks volumes. When I’m back from work or winding down, opening up Tumblr and coming back to this draft isn’t something that I think of as a fun stress reliever in the way drafting stories is. It doesn’t feel like I’m using my imagination or my creativity or expressing myself in any way and it’s not much of an escape from day to day life in the way that writing dialogue or exploring characters is. Maybe it’s because I’ve done quite a few of these posts now but I just tend to feel like I’m repeating myself, you know kinda like when you’re writing an essay and trying to fill up a word count; of course there are collections that I do have a lot of opinions on but by and large, sometimes it boils down to THESE CLOTHES ARE JUST FUCKING PRETTY, OKAY?! There’s only so many things you can say about a tulle skirt or an exaggerated collar before you want to strangle yourself with said tulle. I used to think iF VoGUe RuNwaY wRitErs CaN dO iT WhAT's MY exCusE until I realised that 1). Vogue Runway writers actually get paid and 2). for the most part all they do is explain the designer's intentions behind the collections verbatim without giving a critical opinion anyway.

I think a lot of the pressure I feel to justify what are in reality quite simple observations and opinions goes back to some of the feelings I explained in my first ever fashion week review where people who know more about fashion and have a formal education in the subject tend to be kind of gatekeep-y and elitist. It can never be that you appreciate different things about a collection but rather than one of you has taste and the other doesn’t and if it wasn’t obvious, the taste level assigned to you by the powers that be tend to positively correlate with the amount of money you have available to spend on a degree that has a reputation for failing to provide a steady income, which for most makes it an unrealistic avenue to pursue. I know, I know, the pressure is totally self-inflicted and wholly imagined seeing as I have under 500 followers on here and those who do interact with these posts most likely do so for the pictures but I still feel it, and given that I’m going to have enough external pressure to write essays when I return to uni in September, why on earth am I wasting time putting it on myself? When just posting photosets of my favourite looks is not only actually enjoyable for me but is also what other people WANT to see too? Nobody wants to read a self-indulgent paragraph like this when they’re here for the clothes and to be honest, for the most part I don’t want to write them anyway unless it’s something I have strong feelings about or if a collection can only be properly appreciated with analysis. I think I’ve made pretty clear which designers I’m a fan of, do you really need to hear me raving about Gucci or Zimmerman or Miu Miu or Balenciaga again? Is there gonna be anything revolutionary in yet another rant about Maria Grazia? Course not. I mean, if you are reading, you might have to witness those things one last time because I do intend to finish off this season’s review in this format for consistency purposes and because I’ve already got all the notes now but on the whole, I doubt anyone will miss my rambles.

So, with all that in mind, I think after I finish my S/S21 posts I am gonna start just uploading these posts without the written part. I mean, for one, the simplicity of doing this means I’m much less likely to procrastinate making them which in turn means I’ll be able to get them out right after the shows as a kind of summary as opposed to months later when they’re no longer as relevant. This will also give me more time to work on the writing I actually enjoy. Right now I’m going through and editing my 17 year old self’s “grown-up” take on the Pretty Little Liars blackmail murder mystery style plot line which I wrote back when I was completely and utterly obsessed with the show and bitterly disappointed by the last couple of seasons. The writing is pretty mediocre and often hugely cringey to read back now but I am still a fan of the basic plot and I’m genuinely motivated to see if I can make it something actually worth reading, and to get onto that ASAP; this feels especially important right now given that the HBO version of the series’ apparent upcoming release has sent that ever-present writer’s fear of seeing-your-same-storyline-done-better-by-somebody-else-thus-forever-relegating-your-version-to-being-the-poor-imitation-so-you-gotta-get-there-first into overdrive (or maybe that’s just me and my neuroses). Again, it’s a totally unfounded fear based on the fact that the HBO show will probs get millions of viewers whilst I will be doing little more than shouting into the void but anybody who’s used Turnitin to submit an essay that ultimately counts for little more than like 1% of your grade or degree will know that no matter how irrelevant your work is, the concept of failing a plagiarism check, be it via a computer algorithm or one random stranger on the internet’s assessment, is enough to conjure visions of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse galloping towards you screaming “START THE WHOLE THING AGAIN” before releasing a hoarde of 2015 Chanel vs. Walmart style comparison memes.

Now, speaking of Chanel, I should probably get back into the reviewing.

So for the last time for a little while, here’s Christian Siriano:

Siriano’s designs are a great example of work I feel guilty enjoying. I know that when it comes to quality, the high fashion community have a lot of (negative) things to say and I really can’t speak to that because quite honestly, I know very little about textile manufacturing. Solely from my own point of view though, I do like his work a lot. I wouldn’t claim for a minute that he’s a pioneer in terms of his creations but I would 100% love to wear them and I DO hugely admire his commitment to putting women of all sizes on the runway and designing pieces that don’t simply cater to straight up and down types which is more than can be said for most brands. I get that his collections are pretty formulaic, taking what has worked for the likes of Chanel and Alessandra Rich, De La Renta and Carolina Herrera, Michael Kors too (who is kind of guilty of the same thing himself), but that’s not to say his work is bad. Let’s be real, we’ve been on this planet thousands of years, we’re all taking inspiration from someone, and maybe figures like Kors and Siriano could wait a *little* longer before taking said inspiration but their aim at the end of the day is to sell clothes, not break barriers, a task which although often left to the big name brands, they too often fail at. I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling this whimsical mid-century tea party vibe, it’s elegant and it’s cutesy and My Fair Lady-esque, and you bet your arse I would be absolutely thrilled to wear one of these looks on a summer red carpet. I just can’t say no to anything tulle-maybe it’s that I was on Toddlers & Tiaras in a past life or maybe it’s that I watched too many Barbie Princess films growing up, but I like pretty much everything going on here, especially Siriano is giving us matching fedoras too. Plus, can we take a moment to praise Siriano for his COVID relief efforts? Near the beginning of the pandemic, he turned his studio into a mask manufacturing factory in order to send them out as donations, and I think that is very cool.

Then there’s Christopher Kane who once again came through with the most insanely gorgeous prints:

I mean, paint splattering is hardly a new technique but I haven’t seen it done as a print so tastefully before-it eats the Moschino biro scribble print (which apparently was copied too speaking of the tendencies of designers to “borrow” inspiration) for breakfast. It’s shit because there weren’t many looks in this collection and they weren’t really shot in a way that does them any justice but I thought I’d include the few I saved.

Comme Des Garcons is a fave of the high fashion community and one I look forward to seeing at fashion week but can never quite get behind. I appreciate the what-the-fuckery of it all with this show totally being able to pass as a run-through of some kind of nuclear waste themed scare house at one of Thorpe Park’s fright nights. I assume given that and the plastic Mickey Mouse print it’s supposed to be some kind of reference to the part late-stage capitalism has played in the hellish landscape we find ourselves in today? Or something all intellectual? In which case I made my interpretation with farrrr too much confidence. But Anyway! Who knows! I’ll leave the analysis to the fashion students, and give it one word: trippy.

Onto Dion Lee, a brand I truly do get excited to talk about because it’s rare that I don’t LOVE his work.

Without fail, Lee manages to be confidently ahead of the curve without going out of his way to announce it and his genius to everyone with flamboyant shows and exaggerated designs and extortionate prices. He is very much an underdog in the fashion world in terms of big names but you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t love his collections. His S/S21 collection is one of my favourites of the bunch. I love seeing something I’ve never seen before and the palm leaf breast plate is so odd but so cool and so perfectly Dion Lee at the same time; we’ve seen jungle/tropical inspired collections sooo many times *cough cough D&G cough cough* and THIS is how you make them fresh and unique. I mean, never in a million years did I think I’d get behind the resurgence of the gladiator sandal trend but Lee has me changing my mind. This is one of the very rare times you will ever see me using this meme to praise a man but:

I mean, he has Fernanda Ly modelling for him, that the man has taste goes without saying.

Now for a bit of a full circle moment, given that I did actually praise Dior’s haute couture collection in my first ever post; Maria Grazia did GOOD. Well, with haute couture at least.

She’s always pretty hamfisted with her references, there’s no denying, with that Grecian Goddess style RTW collection typifying that statement completely, but luckily she struck gold this time round; as someone who studied the Tudors for A-level history, seeing a modern take on the exaggeratedly feminine renaissance silhouettes with the baroque prints and the deep jewell tones got me super excited especially when you throw in the dreamy tarot theming and the nods to the mystical and arcane. Seeing as the Heavenly Bodies Met Gala (I know, I know, I need to move on) was some time ago now and Cersei Lannister’s *SPOILER* been crushed by a rock (could also be seen as a metaphor for the irrelevancy David Benioff and D.B Wise condemned GoT to when they aired that shitty ending tehe) and so probably won’t be getting a collection based on her costumes any time soon, this is the only fashion take on this kind of period dress I’m going to get…and you know what? I’m okay with that. Thanks Maria, I guess?

Her RTW collection wasn’t absolutely awful either, and slightly better than the past few collections at least. Put a monkey in a room with a typewriter (or show it enough similar well-received collections) and it will eventually write something that makes sense, don’t they say? I like the nomadic feel of a lot of the looks and there’s beautiful layering going on but the aura of exotic opulence unsurprisingly didn’t stick around for long and I found that there was a decline in quality in the midsection of the show that landed a lot of the outfits in either awkward mother of the bride at a beach wedding or The Only Way is Essex Ocean Beach PLT sponsored poolside party territory. The looks picked back up a bit towards the end stretch of the show but I wasn’t a fan of the Gucci style oversized glasses which were so out of place with the rest of the theming that if anything they seemed like a cheap grab at relevancy. So yeah, a middling, subpar Etro-esque collection which is better than usual for Dior I suppose.

Next, Elie Saab, whose S/S21 collection was kinda disappointing, tbh. Oh how the turns have tabled given that positive Dior review and my usual love of Saab’s collections.

I know his dresses lose some of their appeal when we can’t see them in motion but even ON the runway I can’t see myself being dazzled by any of these pieces the way I usually am. They’re lacking the level of detail and craftsmanship I associate with the brand seemingly in favour of block colours and suits and the issue is that the whole Disney Princess fantasy has always been the appeal for me because the silhouettes aren’t interesting enough on their own. They’re not ugly pieces, they’re nice, but does nice really have a place in high fashion when the pieces are so basic in both their design and presentation that the shots could pass as ripped from a catalogue? The strongest parts of the collection were when it did go down the more delicate route with the muted blue suits and the white feather trimmed dresses, the small, ornamental gold details reminding me of a very toned down nod to Schiaparelli’s hardware, but with regards to the bright coloured pieces, I can’t lie-they did look like something you could find in the M&S Per Una holiday section. Then you’ve got the weakest parts, which were just flat out ugly: sheer giraffe print, sweat band style elasticated waits, and long chiffon shirts that I hate to admit read as frumpy. There are times where I’ve not been particularly excited by an Elie Saab collection in the past, but I do think this is the first time I’ve actively disliked parts of it.

Conversely, Erdem’s S/S21 collection was super strong, and solidified the brand’s place in my mind as a dependable source of kooky maximalism, this time round giving us Anya Taylor Joy’s Emma wardrobe on speed. You could tell me Erdem Moralıoğlu had just raided the Bridgerton set’s fitting rooms and put it on a runway and I would 100% believe you and I mean that in a positive way because to give my unpopular opinion, the clothes were the only good thing about that show. The endearingly florid details of exaggerated bows and clashing florals were still there but this time in a way that felt more subtle and self-assured, as if the calming influence of the wooded set’d had a direct hand in the designs, giving the rugged, ethereal feel to the collection I associate with brands like Brock and Simone Rocha, all whilst keeping the parts of Erdem I’m so fond of.

Is it really much of a shock that I included pretty much every look from the Etro S/S21 show? Like, you know that Christian idea of God, like, (the voice in my head is very much taking on the dumb valley girl voice that anybody who reads this is most probably getting too) knowing our souls? I think Veronica Etro knows mine. So no, no surprise. Though there were a few unconventional touches thrown into these looks (the campier prints and nautical theming we see with the 80s beach towel print, for example, reminded me a bit of Versace) the mystical bohemian it girl that Etro designs for would still be highly satisfied. Sure, it might be a wardrobe fit for a holiday less adventurous than backpacking but if she wanted a tropical poolside holiday, this collection is the one, the paisley print chiffon mini and maxi dresses especially. I’m just gonna pretend I don’t see the monstrosity that is leggings worn as trousers-it’s a fashion rule I refuse to abandon-because they are the only stain on an otherwise expectedly gorgeous collection.

Next, an unusually reserved RTW collection from Fendi:

More in line with the wardrobe of a European fashion editor than the glamorous trophy wife (who let’s say uses that facade as a guise to ruthlessly run her husband’s whole business empire from behind the scenes because in this house we do complex female characters only), these pieces are lot “smarter” and more professional looking than Fendi’s typical offerings; where I feel Fendi usually designs for the society girl who wouldn’t mind a front page scandal, these are the kind of outfits a young member of Monaco’s royal family would wear for a positively received but business-as-usual press tour. I know, Fendi is an Italian brand, but this is more Southern France to me. We’re talking some 2nd page shots of a Kate Middleton type on a yacht on the Riviera smiling and waving as her PR team’s ideal scenario. Still, whilst fewer exaggerated silhouettes, animal prints and overtly luxurious fabrics (real leathers, silks and furs for example) mean that the drama’s a little toned down, it’s all still very expensive looking and combines the classically feminine glamour of the past and the minimalism of modernity in the artful manner that we’re used to. Maybe it’s me being a basic bitch but I always love seeing Ashley Graham on the runway too, even if brands to tend to use her as their single token plus size model.

Kim Jones’ debut haute couture collection for Fendi, however, wasn’t a very well received one. I don’t hate it personally but I can see where the criticisms are coming from. Whilst it’s closer to the version of Fendi I’ve come to expect and there were some stunning pieces which completely encapsulated that distinctive aura of luxe and glamour, there were quite a few lazy pieces which could’ve been from any designer. I also felt the collection was a bit upstaged by what seemed to be a who’s who of the modelling world; having Bella, Cara, Kate and Naomi ALL walk in one show was a bit distracting and took the focus off the clothes completely.

Giambattista Valli’s RTW collection was gorgeous as ever; the man has undeniably mastered the art of delivering classic, objective elegance, the kind of designs I feel would make you light on your feet and smell like strawberries and cream the minute you put one on. Whilst as a brand his RTW shows are rarely trendsetting, they reliably produce a plethora of unfailingly graceful and demure pieces, as appealing to your mum and your grandma as they are to young women and little girls, and this collection is another victory lap for Valli when it comes to upholding his signature tea party and artisan cupcake making and rose garden strolling and bottomless rosé brunch appropriate aesthetic. There were a lot of outfits that were bordering on overly juvenile, with structures a little too basic to justify the amount of sequins thrown on, but when it’s good, it’s so sweet that regardless of how to formula it is, I can’t help but fall in love.

Valli’s haute couture collection was stunning too and for sure a more exciting offering than the RTW. There was of course a lot of the signature tulle but it was head-turning, over the top in a way that leant far more towards the experimental than I expected. The photos themselves are 100% believable as a some kind of Vogue behind the scenes editorial shoot on the set of live action Disney princess movie (in between takes of the climactic ball scene if you wanna get specific with the vision); if you are looking for a prettier alternative to the primary colours and disruptive shapes of a Molly Goddard collection, this is the one. It’s giving the themes of excess and abundance I associate with that of the Hunger Games Capitol but through the softer lens of a Sofia Coppola movie, and being the typical cinema loving white girl I am, I’m obviously on board with that vibe.

I did SUCH a 180 on Givency’s S/S21 collection from when I first saw it to writing a review. My initial reaction was one of disappointment, I guess simply because Givenchy has given us so many bold pieces and presentations over the last few years whereas this is more low-key. After properly considering it though as I would any other brand, I came to the conclusion that I do actually really like it. It’s still got the strange, androgynous silhouettes popping up throughout and the futuristic space-age details but with a more down-to-earth, streetwear feel, albeit a very slick, glossy spin on the trends of the rabble (that’s us guys) of course before we go believing it’s achievable. On the one hand, the devil horn accents are a touch Claire’s accessories halloween range but at the same time, done with confidence they’re kind of cool and bring something new and fun to the table in line with the dark theatre of Givenchy’s last few shows.

Now for Gucci, which for the first time I have to say, if I'm attempting objectivity, is not a standout.

Like, can I just start by saying though the format it’s presented in is cute, it’s not ideal as a way of actually showing the collection. I get that the vintage shop bin vibe is a huge part of Gucci’s brand but polaroids make it SO hard to actually see the clothes, and that’s what we’re here for right? I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t like what I see here-the clothes are gorgeous, an idyllic ode to the off-duty wardrobes of Studio 54-ers, bohemian style icons like Charlotte Rampling and young Olivia Newton-John, psychedelic rock guitarists and the inhabitants of San Fransisco’s Haight during the late 60s and early 70s, Alessandro Michele’s favourite period of reference. I can’t pretend otherwise, or act like I wouldn’t want to wear the shit out of this collection. Buut, for Gucci? It’s a little underwhelming. These are the kind of filler looks we get in a typical Gucci show to go alongside the more statement pieces, which this collection is lacking. It’s just that these are designs which usually gets people talking and these pieces don’t do that. It sucks because for most other brands this would be a stand out collection, an immersive, luscious vignette of what people tend to think of as a cultural golden era, but when you’ve had a show that involved models carrying replicas of their own decapitated heads down the runway in the last 5 years, of course something more toned down like this is gonna generate a lot of “is that it?”s.

I owe Hermes an apology. Looking back, I have disliked all their previous collections for the same reason that I now really like this one; maybe it’s in part down to the frustration of still having to whack out the winter coat on occasion in May (fuck British weather and climate change), but suddenly I really appreciate the value of some good quality, versatile outerwear. Hermes is giving us that in spades here and for that, I bow down to them. The pieces on offer are clearly well-made and genuinely practical, and through the minimalist approach manage to retain both an air of timeless sophistication whilst also being youthful and on trend. The leather tactical vest co-ord I can easily see edged up and taking centre stage on one of those insane Seoul street style slow-mo TikToks that were big a couple of months ago and there are several pieces that could tie together a grunge influenced k-style look just as well as they could exist for years on end as the wardrobe staple of a high-powered businesswoman. Designer Nadège Vanhee-Cybulski’s strengths really come through with the simpler looks and it’s the patterned pieces that drag down an otherwise flawless collection; I guess because the aesthetic is very minimalist, the patterns can’t be anything overly decorative but unfortunately this has a bit of a dowdy effect when you pair it with such modest silhouettes. Disregarding those elements of the collection though, it was super good.

It goes without saying that Iris Van Herpen’s haute couture collection was breathtaking; if the fashion community can agree on anything, it’s that this woman’s work is consistently awe-inspiring. She captures the wonder of the universe, the biological structures and kaleidoscopic colours we don’t even register, through fashion in a way that others can only imitate, to mesmerising, truly transcendent effect; I can only assume Van Herpen has mother nature whispering into her ear because how the hell else do you explain her ability to take the kind of microscopic organisms they show you images of in an outdated GCSE science powerpoint and make a dress that resembles one so stunning? Care to explain, Iris? Because if there is some kind of line of communication between the two of you can you please tell the bitch I’m over this weather and that I have cute summer outfits I’m waiting to wear so can she pack this torrential rain shit in? K, thanks xoxo

See it seems shady as fuck to go from IVH to Isabel Marant like this because we are talking 2 designers with totallyyyy different approaches to fashion; Iris Van Herpen is haute couture for starters whereas Marant is commercial, and that’s her thing, but unfair comparisons aside this collection is still a bit of a let down. This is considering I do usually really like Isabel Marant collections based on whether or not I’d wear the pieces, which seems a more appropriate barometer to use to come to a quality verdict. Whilst there were a few of the elegant bohemian pieces my mind goes to when it comes to her brand, the steps outside of that comfort zone didn’t pay off; graffiti print (can be cool if done with some subtlety which apart from a few exceptions was not the case here), cheap looking reflective fabric, and MC Hammer style dungarees, it seems to be an attempt to merge 80s trends with modern urban culture, and an attempt that at times verged on the disastrous. It’s good for a brand to experiment, of course, and appeal to a wider client base than usual, but when it’s bad the unfortunate take away is that the design team don’t have the chops to pull off straying from familiar territory; designers wouldn’t be showing at fashion week if this was truly the case because disregarding the influence of nepotism, fashion is an area you need real talent, perseverance and business smarts to excel in, and so it doesn’t do a team justice when they do fail.

J.W Anderson, on the other hand, really put his best foot forward this season and presented this work in a really cool way too which only added to the positives; whilst the way the shots were edited was funky af, it didn’t detract from the actual outfits, and if we are to see the same limitations when it comes to the F/W collections being released, this is something a lot of designers and editing teams should take note of. The idiosyncratic exaggerated shapes that we see as a recurring feature of Anderon’s collections were still on show but this time round with added femininity, billowing skirts and trailing jewellery that channel the stage looks of Stevie Nicks in a way that’s modern and functional and maybe even fit for the office if you were to work in a more creative industry with a chill boss. Could also work for a coven of witches who practice meditation by bonfires in the moonlight and burn the letters of men who wronged them in some Arizonian desert, so like I said, functional! Who doesn’t like versatility? The only thing I’m not too keen on is the shoes but they’re not so bad that it affects my opinion of the collection and they look comfy I guess.

Lastly, we’ve got to talk about Jacquemus, one of the most influential names in fashion at the moment. And yes, this time round, I’m doing it: I’m buying into the hype.

This collection is gorgeousss! I can see already that a lot of the recurring elements of the show are going to be big summer trends for this year (the cut outs and strappy details on the blouses are everywhere already) even though it isn’t hot enough to have collectively decided the time to start dressing for heat is upon us yet, and that’s always a good indicator of how successful the designer was in their vision and attempts to assess the needs and wants of fashion enthusiasts; whether I’m as big a fan of his work as everyone else seems to be, there’s no denying Simon Porte Jacquemus has always excelled at this practice if the buzz around him is anything to go by. It makes sense given the last year of us all being stuck in and suppressed that a lot of us are already romanticising the summer ahead, anticipating picnics and beach days and general Theresa May running through wheat fields type shenanigans galore, in spite of how dubious an assumption it is to make that British weather will allow for this; Porte Jacquemus has very much catered to this wishful thinking and the popularity of the whole escapist “cottage core” aesthetic, sexing it up a little bit with pieces that hug the body in ways only Mugler knows how whilst being lightweight and relaxed enough to look good with windswept, sandy hair and a little dose of sunburn. I’m talking enough to give you some cutesy freckles and rosy cheeks not PSA on the importance of suncream territory, guys, what is it with those of us on the gen Z/millennial cusp not taking sun damage seriously!? Why do I have to beg so many of my friends to wear it!? Does nobody else remember those photos they’d show you in PSHE in English primary schools of burnt people’s skin under UV lights? Or is that just me being weird and only having such a vivid memory of the images because teachers told us we had to wait until year 6 to see them due they to their “graphic” nature only for my gore-loving self to be extremely underwhelmed when we finally did get that lesson? They showed us a woman giving birth in year 4 for fuck’s sake. THAT was traumatising.

Back to the actual point anyway, with just a couple of negatives, the first of which being that the pieces are very similar to those feminine looks we saw dotted about the Jacquemus menswear collection from last year that were all over fashion Twitter. In Simon Porte Jacquemus’ defence though, it makes sense that those tones and silhouettes would be revisited in a full womenswear collection for that very reason; considering they went down so well and that lockdown gave us a bit of a half-baked summer in 2020, expanding on those elements enough for a whole new collection makes good business sense. We did get some cool additions too, mainly in the form of accessories, with the hardware details on the belts similar to those included in the Givenchy collection and the abstract hair slides being standouts for me. It was all exquisite-the shoes, the jewellery, the styling, everything 10/10. My other nitpick, and I say nitpick not because it’s not important but because it’s an issue that’s hardly restricted to Jacquemus (this casting team are far from the worst offenders, Saint Laurent I’m looking at you), is that I WISH we’d see more diversity with the models. Despite what my body dysmorphia yells at me, I am small, and yet seeing all those fucking minuscule waists made me die a little inside; it’s crazy to me that in 2020 the lack of variety in body types on the runway is still such a problem.

I must have said this a million times but I don’t want to end on a negative note so let me reiterate: this collection was STUN. NING. Plus there were some others I’ve talked about in this post that I’m sure will make it into my top 20 in the final part, Jacquemus, Dion Lee and Etro for sure; we even got some gorgeous pieces from Maria Grazia which I thought was a sentence I’d never type out. Have I said enough to not leave a bad taste in the mouth of anyone who read to the end of this post? I hope so, lol! TBH, it’s impressive given everything that’s going on that the majority of designers did roll out collections in September as usual so serious respect to them and their design teams for that.

In the next post, I’ll fingers crossed be able to include everything from Kim Shui (exciting!) through to at least Off-White (actually pretty good this time?!) and make this whole thing a 4 parter before getting straight on top of the photo posts I’m thinking about doing for the time being for the F/W21 shows. So as usual, if you did read to the end thank you so much and I respect the perseverance you must have to get through all my rambling, lmao. Hope everyone is well and coping okay and again, my inbox is always open for any post suggestions, constructive criticism, or just a chat for anyone who needs a listening ear.

Big love and thank you again!

Lauren x

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bomberqueen17 · 4 years ago

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fridayyyyyyyyyy

mm mm mm i been here six hours forty-five and i cannot wait for it to be time to Leave. Like a dumbass I made the transfers girl teach me how to do more shit because she was losing her mind and there are like seventeen orders that all need “one more thing” to be done and i was like GIVE THAT HERE so then I was stuck down there even as it got crowded but like ARGH WHATEVER i am getting shit done.

Oh, so, yesterday. Well, so the thing I do, besides movie transfers, is I help the Online Guy? And I mostly do that, over the summers, by taking product shots of all the used equipment and then editing those photos and then organizing them into folders. Over the summer he was having me pre-insert them into eBay listings, getting the listing all ready, and then leaving it in the Drafts folder for him to give a final proofread and set the price on the item so he could push it to go live when he was ready.

I’d been doing this before, and eBay’s such a fucking glitchy nightmare that as those drafts sat there for weeks (while, in fairness, my coworker kept the hundred-thousand-dollars-a-week online department running pretty much entirely on his own), the servers would lose the images. He’d go to launch them and there’d be broken links instead of images, so he’d have to go find them again, and sometimes he wouldn’t be able to figure out where I’d put the folders, and there were a handful of incredibly-frustrating times where I’d have to go re-shoot the fucking images and start over and I wanted to quit on the spot because how fucking stupid is that! Argh! (Well, chill, B, they pay you hourly, what does it matter what you spend those hours doing??)

so this summer’s innovation was that I put each batch of draft-listed equipment into a box, and then took all the folders with the relevant images and put them onto a camera memory card, which I then literally taped to the side of the box so that it could not get lost or mixed-up.

This was fine, but I had like. Four boxes worth of stuff (at like... it varied widely, but like a dozen to three dozen items per box) all pre-drafted into listings just waiting for him, and now it’s Christmas and he hadn’t launched them. He’s been trying to get me to do more, and the last ones I was like “listen the drafts take me forever and I get frustrated, i’m just going to give you the box with the memory card because you’re not going to launch those listings anyway stop fooling yourself”. And he was sort of annoyed with me, but whatever.

Cue yesterday, I go to add a listing for one more thing. I open eBay. The Drafts folder is empty. And not like, oh only a couple left. No, it’s empty like tumbleweeds empty, not a thing.

I avoided thinking about it for like an hour but finally I went in and pasted on a grin (nobody can tell, I’m wearing a mask) and said “oh hey you got every draft listing launched?” No. He stared up at me wide-eyed, went to the page, looked. No. Of course he hadn’t touched them it’s fucking December who has time?? Googled it.

“Ebay now deletes all drafts if they’re left inactive for longer than 30 days,” said a support Q&A helpfully. Would’ve been nice if they’d let anyone know that change was coming but nope!

“Probably,” I said, “they had a server crash and are pretending it’s a policy now.”

So anyway. I mean, I got paid for all that work anyway, I’m hourly, but that was a nice lil kick in the ass. When they say, “what did B do this year”, we can say, “a bunch of shit that got deleted!” Yay!

But. Anyway. I am trying to finish two separate huge transfer orders before the end of the day and time is standing still but i will get out of here, I *will*. And I won’t get the ‘rona, I *won’t*.

Upsetting factoid: the relative Horrible Covid Statuses of this county (Erie) and the county with my family (Rensselaer) have flip-flopped and now we’re under 6% positive test results and R is up at 7% :( :( :(.

This really has hammered home the uhhh huge difference in populations in the counties of NY tho. Fucking nobody lives in some of these counties.

#about the author #personal #life updates #please i want to go home to bed #sigh

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theamberfang · 5 years ago

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Day 13; NaNoWriMo 2019

Read from the start.

Argh!

What? What’s going on? Did something happen?

“I can’t think of anything to write today. Without any direction I’m having trouble focusing.”

Any idea why?

“Well, yesterday was a large diversion that didn’t leave me with any plan for today.”

I see; and I suppose it wouldn’t be easy to adapt anything that you discussed yesterday. There are some big-picture thematic similarities, but at that point nothing is really changing. What if you ignore yesterday and think back to the day before?

“I had ended off Day 11 with a discussion about how Arca operates as a military and economic superpower on the global stage, which are things that I might be able to touch on in a case for Sharla and John,” I review. “But the primary direction I had left with was the possibility of starting an actual narrative with that—potentially convoluted—premise of an estranged child from a wealthy family.”

Well, those are two separate things, so let’s think about them one at a time. Can you think of a case that touches on those global politics?

“I have one possibility at the moment: a struggling veteran as a client,” I posit. “Though, with the nature of Arca as I’ve set it up, I have trouble imagining someone being around to talk about the goings-on of the outside world.”

Right, you have something similar to 1984 in mind with the majority of people being unaware of any truths. If you do go that for though, you could play into it: maybe most people don’t believe the struggling vet.

“That’s a possibility—one I like actually. There are real people that would consider discussing some of the atrocious things that our military does as ‘unpatriotic’—preferring American propaganda over international realities.”

Maybe we can work with that in a bit. But first, there’s that other line of thought: how do you feel about starting that actual narrative? Maybe with that specific premise, but maybe something else? You were distracted yesterday, but how about today?

“Honestly, the more I thought about it, the more convoluted that premise began to sound, especially when thinking about removing it from the greater context of the setting it came from. I may have underestimated how important that the Impurity of the child was. At the least, I don’t feel comfortable translating that degree of bigotry into a more realistic setting, especially since the closest analogue would be the child coming out with some sort of LGBTQA+ identity.”

Okay, so that specific premise is out—for now at least; I do you think you maybe just been overthinking it. Still, you have a much better handle on your main characters than you did last year, so maybe you can actually try writing a proper draft? Even just one scene—a small interaction or conversation.

“I’ll admit: the possibility feels more doable than it ever has before. I have lunch to eat, so I’ll take the time to stew on it.”

A break it is then. We agreed to writing down when you should be back though, so that you don’t take forever—especially since you have a support group this evening. Let’s say you should be back by 15:30. That’s nearly an hour for you to eat.

…

Hey, you’re back on time—close enough at least.

“Yeah, making a commitment in writing seems to work.”

So do you feel like trying to draft a scene of some sort?

“I’m willing to give it a shot. I think it would be best to keep it small, though. Maybe Sharla and John just meeting up about a case or something.”

Wouldn’t you need details about the case?

“Maybe? I think it would be possible to keep things ambiguous enough.”

Having a few details in mind could still give the scene direction.

“Fair enough. I can definitely imagine myself spinning my wheels not going anywhere if I leave things too vague.”

You’ve come up with a few options so far. The simplest is probably the burglary; then there’s the terrorist hate group; there’s also the struggling veteran; oh yeah, almost forgot about the missing person who ended up at a company reservation.

“I agree about the burglary being simplest, and I think that makes it the most ideal.”

Can we make things even more specific? Is it the start of the case? Perhaps with Sharla talking to—or having talked to—the client and John having investigated the scene of the crime? Or maybe it’s later, regarding a likely suspect?

“I like that latter one; the two are likely to disagree about things. The contrast would make it easier to imagine what they might say.”

What are those contrasts?

“Sharla would be more likely to sympathize with suspect/criminal. She could try to compromise that it would be enough to return the stolen goods and that they don’t need to turn the thief in. John would be on the side of conventional justice, and would rather have the thief arrested, assuming they find enough evidence.”

That sounds pretty good. Are you ready to give it a shot?

“Honestly, I don’t feel great at the moment. And it’s not due to anxiety. I made the mistake of eating some junk food, and now I feel like junk myself.”

Oh jeez, why do you do this to yourself.

“I don’t know if I’ll feel better before I have to leave for group, but maybe I’ll be able to get a bit more writing done afterwards. It’ll be pretty late, but I’d like to match the pace I need for NaNoWriMo—at least give it an earnest shot, despite the difficulties I’ve had today.”

#nanowrimo 2019

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ii9ir3iri30ri30ir93ir03ir903 · 4 years ago

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shitty parallel paradise translations ch 101-104

Shitty Parallel Paradise Translation Chapter 101 to Chapter 104

a duwang quality parallel paradise translation transcript draft from chapters 101 to the first few pages of chapter 105. My brother asked me to do it but I really can't put that much effort into something I don't really care. This was sitting on my computer so i thought I'd put it here even if it is half-assed but if this gets enough likes or reblogs or DM's I'll do it more seriously and give the translations to the group who's doing it (or whoever wants to clean this up and typeset this I can give u photoshop if u want). Scans are from rawdevart.com don't go to the other one because that one is full of ads.

notes: I've never read parallel paradise so I don't know how the characters sound. It's a draft so there's lots of brainstorming words and sentences.

Enjoy the duwang. Namazu out.

Chapter 101

The dreaming maidens target is…?

The dreaming maidens spearhead is aiming towards?

I can't stay as a dreaming virgin?

Peko is looking this way like she doesn't want to get along.

Peko!!

You're here aren't you!!

Come out here!

Tch,

Peko's stupid but she's skilled

Accompany him to sandorio

Go together with him until sandorio please.

I think it would be enough with ruumi and amane though

It probably is but…

Even though peco has talent, she's not a guardian/has no guardian (?)

And therefore she doesn’t know the world outside/outside world.

Because of that I would like to use this chance to give her some experience.

About this world's absurdity (不条理）

You can make her carry your stuff (make her a porter?/carrier?)

Please bring her with you

Carry your stuff!?

…alright.

Peko once you're ready we're moving out.

Tch

Argh dammit

I can't take this!/I can't do this

Me as a stuff carrier you say!?/me carrying stuff you say!? This genius me!!

For this ugly guy!!

Yes yes ill do it ill do it I'll get ready!!

It's misaki sama's orders so I'll obey it!

But I definitely won’t listen to this guys orders you hear!1

I can't believe this humiliation/disgrace!!

On second thought, can I refuse/

Please can you do something about it…

Well then we'll be going

Yeah, be careful

You'll overthrow the (deep jealousy god)(?),

And I believe you will erase the (hougetsu) from the humans

Yeah

Where's peco

She's waiting outside

I see, peco's a unicorn huh

Hng

Kia, what happened to your face?

I got kicked by a unicorn. It was a shock.

Even though I've been taking care that much care of it all this time…

Aahhh…

Unicorn's hate non-virgins so…

I put a saddle on a bicorn.

Arai 荒いrough rude wild

Kisei nature

Odoroki

I am surprised that it was this easy to put a saddle on a bicorn despite such wild nature.

Its because Bicorns like non-virgin girls

Yota-dono

Once the battle is over, I want you to definitely come back.

Because you want to copulate?

Because I like you.

I'll come back.

For sure.

This time, il come back to this city…

Is When I've triumphantly return from defeating the (god of deep jealousy ?)

Well, let's go!!

Taa

uWaa!!

Too fast too fast!!

Is it alright if we go this fast!?

If we're going the same as a unicorn it's totally fine!

Okay

Let's set up tent here

Wow we've progressed quite far in one day…

Yes

At this rate It might not even take 7 days to reach sandorio

Peco how about you come here and eat together with us

I'm good

I am the sole luggage carrier here

I very well can't partake/join in with hero-sama and the guardian-dono

I will go and patrol around the edge of the vicinity

Everyone else please go ahead and go to bed before me.

If something happens be sure to call me immediately!

Huuuh?

Don't make fun of me

There's no way I would depend on someone like you ba-ka

It’s dangerous alone!

Don't mind me

I have confidence in my skills so

What the hell is up with her

She was always a strange child but

It seems like she got even more worse during the period we didn't meet.

The human man that she admired turned out to be yota I wonder if she was greatly disillusioned…

Shut up!

Tch

Who was it, who was the one who said lets set up the tent at a place like this!?

Parallel paradise 102

I want to penetrate! A maidens policy!

Fufufuffu huhuhuhuh…

It's one of me vs 9 of them huh

It's definitely not enough you know

Okay that’s 2

From here on it's the debut of my specially made reverse KARU personal knife!

That makes four

Fufufu if I used this then the KARU are like walking tofu!

Nope nope

Your presence is totally not erased so

Okay 7

Now

Theres only you know

What will it be?

Bui-ru

You can go and call your comrades if you want?

Since im here anyways I'll exterminate all the KARU in the area

Geez, misaki-sama too

Whats up with the 'I want to show her the absurdity of this world"

Even though I am so much stronger than it.

For real?

Sorry…

As I thought

The world is wide…

Tch

The probability of hitting its weak point is 1 out of 4…

No good huh!

Don't fuck with me!'

What the hell is this

Just by one punch I cant move my body anymore…

"call me as soon as there's something!"

If I call now,

I wonder if that hero-dono will come and save me…

There was no point in trying that hard to train in martial arts

No matter how much you train the body it'll be the end if you get punched once.

I'll just be used for these guys sexual desires and die…

To think that…

I was this weak

Save me…

Pp chapter 103

Looking down from above, a peeping danger!?

s-save me…

You're late to call

Baka

You okay?

Why did the KARU run away?

I don't know the reason but

For some reason when they hear my voice the KARU run away,

Whats up with that

That kind of thing is cheating right…

Well

That's why when you're with me you won't get attacked by the KARU

As I thought… I hate you…

Men… are too unfair…

even though I couldn't defeat that stupidly big KARU no matter how hard I tried.

You're right

That's not true

Ru-mi -sama

If youta was bad man then I think he would've used his powers for his own self interest

He is the only man in this world after all.

And besides if you copulate with a man you won't die of moon destruction when you turn 20.

Eh?

If those are the circumstances then we definitely can't go against yota.

In exchange for extending your life he could make all the women in this world do whatever he wants

Every single day copulating with lots of women.

I won't do that

That's right, yota won't do those kinds of things

Even though If he wanted to he could've done countless horrible things.

Forget about trying to use us.

He's putting his life fighting to free us from the destroy moon.

It's very fortunate that this world's only man is yota Is what I think.

It was written in a book in sindoria/

That's unusual

Amelia spoke

3000 years ago the man who appeared…

Brought this world into the brink of atrocity

He did as he liked with all woman

And made them into toys to satisfy his urges

Took their value has humans

he left them along the sidewalks

Laugh at their pathetic forms.

And brought a period of treachery.

Akugyaku no kiri wo tsukushita to

See as I thought its good we got yota

Was it truly like that

Even I, if I stay in this world forever that could I also…

So peko

Don’t you have anything to say to the hero-sama that saved you?

So the KARU will just run away when you use your vice,

So just by using your voice you make the KARU run away, pretty nice position you got there that you can experience the glory of a hero so easily like that

You

I hate you even more now.

Lets go and sleep now

Ahh!

What's wrong what's wrong?

The unicorn!!

The unicorn ran away!!

Did you tie it up properly…

I did… tie it up I think…

It might have ran away from the giant karu's howl yesterday

Can this bicorn ride 4 people?

If it's this big then it should be fine, the problem now is…

Peco, try and touch the bicorn

Ehh…

Ouch!

As I thought it would not let a virgin ride it huh///

Yota…

Well… it cant be helped huh.

We can't just leave peco here and we can't just walk either.

Peko take of your underwear and face your ass here

We're copulating

Huh!?

If you're a non-virgin you can ride the bicorn

Hurry up and take it off

If you hate me that much then let's copulate in the agreed way and business like way

Chapter 103

I'll copulate with you

Haa

I'll do it how you want it professionally

Hurry up and take of your underwear and face your ass here

Just with one prick you'll be able to ride a bicorn.

Know your place

(mi no hodo wakimaenasai)

Huh?

(Peco, her only option left is)

If I have to copulate with you then I'd rather die right here right now.

In the first place I didn't have any business anyways, I'lll just go and head home alone.

If I have three days then I can walk back to mi-su so don't mind me please go on ahead without me

I've already learned plenty how wide the world is.

Even if I put in effort its useless

To lose to a man just by way of him existing is

No matter what dangers I face, it's better than procreating with a man who feels like a hero just for existing.

You know what peco

Then why is your pleasure fountain overflowing?

Eh!?

I get it peco…

We also walked the same path so…

You're getting excited imagining opulating with yota right?

You're wro-!

You should just give up

I know you know?

That peco draws lots of naked

Wai-!?

Why!?

It's famous.

That there are lots of pictures of naked men hanging in the room

Didn't you know?

You're interested in men aren't you

It can't be helped

It's alright

I'm sure it's the same for everyone so

It's not something to be ashamed about

You'll get it if you copulate with yota

To be honest

I am interested about copulating

But…

I thought that men would be more beautiful but…

But… this…

For them to be this rugged and bony and an ugly being like this is…

Give it back…

Give back the beautiful men that I imagined

Give it back…

I've been denied whole heartedly while in tears

If you really don't want it, it can't be helped but…

If you have even a little bit of interest in copulating then please

I don't want to leave you here all alone.

At least…

Inside the tent please…

Oh my oh my

Hurry up and get it over with it already

If you look at her closely even though she's cute what an amazing smell

Well it's not like she's taken a bath yet

Even though you look like you really hate it your pleasure fountains bursting you know

Even though I haven't even touched you yet you're already really excited aren't you

Shut up!

What is this what is this?

Good it's come out already the non-virgin mark

With this it's settled then

Let's ride the bicorn and head off to sandorio.

But… if you want to apologise for all the rude things you did regarding me then I’ll continue copulating with you (?)

What will you do

She said lots of conceited things already…

Let's mess with her a little

Will she fall

Or perhaps she'll endure it

Tears

Eh!?

Hero-sama

Hero sama…

For not knowing my place and all the incalculable rudeness

I am sincerely very sorry

Oh Please bless this wretched pervert with copulation…

You didn't have to fall that far!

What's with you

Kuaah

I… I'm a pervert who loves men!

Always!

I'm a pervert who always imagines copulating with men!!

I didn't know!

That men were such strong beings like this!!

It's totally different

Than women!!

Thank you

Huh?

It's not something you have to say thanks for

Yesterday

For saving me

Aahh

105

Even with for people riding it this bicorn seems to be totally fine

Yeah! Because it's this big!

Before,

They say the humans of this world came out from that castle right

Yeah

Everyone was born in the castle and leaves the castle to start living in their own cities/towns

You leave the castle between when you become old enough to be self-aware or not so there are only hazy memories.

In this world without men, girls being born from a castle…

If you think about how it is, inside that castle it's like there's something pretty nasty about it inside…

Who on earth lives in the castle

The empress

Nobody has seen her face though

The empress has already lived for thousands of hears and protects this country

Eh?

Isn't that?

Could it possibly the witch?

But here,

Whether you can say bad things about the ruler of this land…

Well then let's head off

What a creepy forest

The shortest course would be through here right

We can't go fast here so it's also an opportunity to let the bircorn rest.

Please save me!

Uwah!

Kobold

What are these guys?

Kobold loves young girls and metal

They're aiming for our weapons

Peco?

Small fry…

As expected her martial arts is ruthless/can’t be excused

Are you alright?

b-big sister thank you…

It was scary…

She has an unexpectedly kind face huh

Everything is alright now

Peco had a little sister

They were killed though

Hey ru-mi sama

I want to take this child all the way to the city

That's impossible

Why?

I mean that child can't ride a bicorn right?

Wai-!

You planning on copulating with a child this young!?

I wasn’t!

Oh alright!! Then I'll walk and drop her home to the city myself!!

You guys can go on ahead first!

Like I said it's impossible peco

You definitely can't walk in the outside world alone.

LUMI=sama…

Aren’t you underestimating me a bit too much?

Just because I was saved once yesterday…

It's alright

There's an easy solution so

Eh?

Amane

I feel a bit sorry for them but this way it's settle

Let's hurry and move on

Peco look closely!

That childs a ghoul

Ghouls turn into people to let their guards down and then attack and eat them

Even if you cut of their arms and legs they’ll regenerate but their stomach is their weak point.

I'm sure it teamed up with the Cobolt to attack people.

The Cobolt for the metal and the ghoul for the human meat

How di did you know?

Ghouls have a special smell

The smell of human corpses

The ghoul made you let your guard down So I apologise I ended up saying it in such a roundabout way

But with this you understand now right?

I understand you have confidence in your martial arts but you can't walk the worlds outside of the city with just that.

I think that's why misaki wanted you gain experience.

See, look peco

Aren’t you glad you didn't have to go back to mi-su alone?

If you didn't mate with me you would've been dead by now.

Shut up

Why don’t you go die instead!!

Die you!!

Pp 106

The weather has been fine all the way…

At this rate we should already be arriving at sondorio!!

Just a bit ore nishina…

I defeated garia and I obtained the card that will free you from the cold sleep./ that will release the cold sleep

Once I get to sandorio I'll awaken nishina…

And then…

What on earth happened to her,

Why did she become the "wtich of deep jealousy"

Everything that I don’t know I'll hear from her!

It's sandoria!

Eh?

What's the matter amane?

What the? It's/something burning?

You're wrong

It's a beacon/signal fire right?

Does that mean something happened in sandoria?

What, is that…?

That’s…

What on earth happened?

We haven't met in the while huh

Kaduchi

Banyuu

Nakuta sama… what on earth does this mean?

It's proof of my resoution

#parallel paradise #parallel paradise translation #my translations

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