#are you someone out there who is a little bit like me (superhero verse ft spiritheart)

[forthewinn]

@spiritheart​ 

“I want my life back.” Winn all but yelled as he tried to make sense of what was going on in his head. He didn’t want these powers, he didn’t ask for them. There wasn’t a guidebook as to how to handle them and he just wanted to be normal. “I don’t want to be scared all the time.” He knew that Elsa understood, she was one of the few people who did. 

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2017

Not a very good year for hit songs. Still better than the next one, though.

And a very satisfying #1 that launched an entire infodump about a specific band. I’m not even sorry.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

2017 might not sound super distant, but it’s already distant enough to analyse what started to happen to me that year with some clarity. This is when I started to lose some of my energy and motivation. A lot, in fact. Everything suddenly felt exhausting and this whole “what’s even the point of anything” mentality started to fall on my shoulders. And you know what, at first, while making these recaps, I had no idea what started it all. Was it that super rare infection I caught in early 2018 and almost made me lose a part of a finger? Was it both my grandfathers dying in mid 2018? Was it the general state of the world? But no, I did some digging and noticed this general exhaustion actually started right during summer 2017 and I was like what the f█ck happened in summer 2017? That summer was fine?

And then it clicked. I know exactly what kickstarted my spiral into about 18 months of depression, and it’s got nothing to do with health or family. It’s something that shouldn’t have affected my life in any way, and that I kinda tried to ignore at the time, and some of you might even find me overdramatic or cringy for letting it affect my life. But yeah, as I’ve realised while making these lists, Linkin Park was actually a super important part of my life, so it makes perfect sense: what started it all was Chester Bennington killing himself. Clearly, someone who had contributed so much to convince me that life was worth living and who suddenly decided it wasn’t worth it, that had a huge impact on me, whether I wanted it or not.

Aaaand now I’m crying again. Great.

Anyway. Uh. Important albums that year! Yeah so uh. Depeche Mode made Spirit and it wasn’t good, and so I kinda lost faith they would ever make a great album again, but I did realise one of my teenage dreams and saw them in concert in the Stade de France in July 2017 (it was huge. Going home after that felt like waking up from some sort of hypnotic trance. They even played Walking In My Shoes, one of my absolute favorite songs from them, along with a video featuring a trans person going to work and I started to bawl my eyes out in the middle of the f█cking crowd). Nine Inch Nails also made Add Violence and continued to be super good, and Indochine made 13, and while it wasn’t nearly as good as Black City Parade, it was also better than La République des Météors, so I was pretty happy about that. EDIT: Forgot about Under Your Spell by The Birthday Massacre, which blew my goddamn mind, but still not as much as the next album I'm gonna talk about.

But the defining album of the year, to me, was Mike Oldfield making a sequel to my favorite album from him, with Return to Ommadawn. Of course it’s not as good as Ommadawn. But still. If Ommadawn felt like discovering a new strange country full of weird folklore and forests and mysterious buildings, Return to Ommadawn feels like going back there half a century later and seeing things in ruins and wounded people, but still trying to seek beauty and joy in a partly destroyed landscape. It makes perfect sense considering the circumstances that surround the making of this thing, and it was the only way to make a good sequel to such a legendary album.

Unelligible songs that piss me off... uh, actually there’s only Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen. Why wasn’t it a huge hit. Come to think of it, why hasn’t any Carly Rae song been a huge hit since Good Times. This feels unfair.

Time for some honorable mentions, then.

Feels and also Slide (Calvin Harris and a lot of other people) - Got nothing to say about either of these songs, but they’re both pretty good.

Katchi (Ofenbach) - Nice little earworm.

No Roots (Alice Merton) - Super surprised this was a hit. Good.

OK (Robin Schulz ft James Blunt) - That’s a James Blunt song in the year of our lord 2017 and it sounds actually good??

What About Us (Pink) - Really caught my attention and made me wonder if I should listen to Pink again after a long streak of mediocre Pink songs.

Congratulations (Post Malone) - I find the song mostly boring but the guest verse ending with “uh, Malone... I gotta play on my phone...” is the stuff of legends and that got a chuckle out of me every time I heard it.

Glorious (Macklemore) - I’m glad this was a hit here but at the same time it’s not my favorite song from him. The music video is adorable, though.

Fly (Odyssey) - Nothing to say about that one.

XO Tour Life (Lil Uzi Vert) - The fact that I was regularly humming this is either a sign of quality or yet another sign I was depressed as shit.

Devil in Me (Purple Disco Machine) - What a great artist name.

Symphony (Clean Bandit) - Nothing to say here either, just good sound all around.

Attention (Charlie Puth) - 2017: The Year Charlie Puth Made A Great Song.

All Stars (Martin Solveig & Alma) - The last cut. It was on the list at some point. I really like it a lot, though.

And now, the list. The stuff I genuinely love starts at #6 and things that are still on my mp3 player to this day start at #4.

10 - Chained to the Rhythm (Katy Perry)

US: #73 / FR: #10

I just love the concept of a Katy Perry song about how Katy Perry songs are happy nonsense distracting you from actual issues. What can I say, I’m a sucker for meta stuff.

9 - Water Under The Bridge (Adele)

US: #88 / FR: Not on the list

An Adele song projecting actual positive energy!? That automatically goes on the list.

8 - Praying (Kesha)

US: #67 / FR: Not on the list

You know I mostly dislike slow emotional songs regardless of how good they actually are. I will, however, make an exception for this one even though I very rarely listen to it considering how emotionally taxing it is. That’s definitely a fantastic song, though.

7 - Viens On S’aime (Slimane)

US: Not on the list / FR: #53

“Listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their words and their decorum, listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their ideas and what they’re saying”. Well said, dude, well said.

6 - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back (Shawn Mendes)

US: #23 / FR: #91

That’s a very good song for running and that is becoming increasingly rarer, so I’ll take what I can get.

5 - Paris (The Chainsmokers)

US: #42 / FR: Not on the list (that’s irony for you)

Unlike Closer this is an unrelatable song about rich young people that can afford to live in Paris just “to get away from [their] parents” but honestly that’s the only negative thing I have to say against it. It sounds fantastic.

4 - Castle On The Hill (Ed Sheeran)

US: #40 / FR: #50

We’ve now entered the realm of songs that are still on my mp3 player to this day. This is the only Ed Sheeran song I’ve ever liked, and I love it. It sounds like a lost U2 song. Maybe from a strange dimension where U2 became more fragile and emotional instead of more pretentious.

I have no idea why this guy keeps making such boring stuff when he’s got that kind of song in him. I have no clue.

3 - Something Just Like This (Coldplay & The Chainsmokers)

US: #5 / FR: #19

Hey so Coldplay is still on my lists, apparently. It’s a bit too slow, some lyrics about superheros don’t make much sense, and the drop isn’t super good, but my god, that guitar near the end makes everything worth it. Just amazing colors and textures all around.

It’s not even my favorite song on that EP! I think Miracles (Someone Special) is even better, but eh, this one is a close second.

2 - 24k Magic (Bruno Mars)

US: #16 / FR: Not on the list (#13 in 2016 but I put it on the 2017 list instead)

Am I the only one to like this more than Uptown Funk? It’s so much fun to sing along to it. And unlike Uptown Funk, it’s making me feel nostalgic for an era I actually (vaguely) knew, the super colorful and ridiculous early 90s. My s.o loves it too and when it comes up on the radio or on our playlists you can bet we’re both going PUT YOUR. PINKY. RINGS UP. TO THE. MOOOOOOOON like two idiots.

This is the song I could have put on the previous list but elected to put on this list instead since it was elligible for both years, by the way! Since 2017 was less good than 2016, I thought it would be more interesting to save such a great song for later.

It would have topped the list too, if it wasn’t for something I didn’t expect to be elligible before reading the French year-end list.

Strap yourselves in, because I had no real opportunity to talk about this band at length in the posts made for the years when it was the most relevant in my life, so this is going to be quite long.

1 - La Vie Est Belle (Indochine)

US: Not on the list / FR: #44

As you already know if you remember some of my previous lists, Indochine is a band I started to love right in the middle of the absolute worst years of my life. These guys had been around since the 80s as a super successful new wave band, then became very unpopular and went underground for about twelve years in the entire 90s, then one of them died, then every member except the singer basically rotated, and then they suddenly re-emerged in 2002-2003 with Paradize, a monster of an album, full of energy, sinister themes and weird provocative songs, and an entire generation of angsty teenagers (me included as you can guess) embraced it wholeheartedly.

And all of a sudden Indochine was the favorite French mainstream band of local young punk/goths! So many kids with the Indochine logo in highschool. Nowadays the band is mocked and well-loved in equal doses by just about everyone, but I suspect it’s just because we’ve all grown up.

Placebo, Linkin Park and Indochine were the bands that ruled my entire world in 2003/2004. My mother hated all three of them, because of course she did, but especially Indochine, because according to her it was partly their fault if I was gender non-conforming. See, she used to say, they had put all kinds of bad ideas in my head and now I was all messed up.

...Holy shit, that’s a lot of blame to put on a ridiculous new wave band who’s first hit song from 1983 is just a long nonsensical list of shitty old Bob Morane pulp novels.

But here’s the problem. Even if Indochine kept having hit song after hit song, those were never the best songs on their albums. Here I am, 31, making these top ten lists since last December, and becoming more and more frustrated to see none of my favorite modern Indochine songs are elligible. My favorite Paradize singles were Mao Boy, Popstitute and especially Marilyn (god, this song rocked my entire year alongside Placebo’s The Bitter End. 2003 was such a fantastic year for dark energetic hit songs)? Too bad, the biggest hits were J’ai demandé à la lune and Le Grand Secret. Alice & June had four fantastic singles? Too bad, none of them is elligible! Same thing for the entirety of Black City Parade. Oh, but that song I hate from La Republique des Météors is elligible, I guess!

So we’re in summer 2017, and my life is completely different now, and Indochine releases La Vie Est Belle (I’m linking the album version and not the music video because it has some violent themes in it). I’m in my car doing some errands and the local radio goes “hey new song from Indochine” and I’m like “oh shit, gotta hear this” and then two minutes later “oh wow, that is super good. Won’t be a hit though”.

And yet, it was a hit! It became huge, even! And at that point I was already loving that song even though I thought it was just a super good but tragic love song about a significant other dying too young.

And then, about a month later, the wordplay of the first line finally hit me with the force of a semitruck. It’s not a love song. It’s a song about the singer’s dead twin. Who died in 1999.

It’s such a devastating, beautiful song, and yet it’s full of energy. I. adore. it. It’s exactly the kind of song you need to continue to fight and to live and to help other people in this day and age. “Life is beautiful and cruel, it looks like us sometimes” indeed. And it’s one of the best on the album, too!

So yes, 15 years after I first fell in love with this band and after they helped me during super dark times, finally, I can put one of their songs at the top of one of these lists, hands down, no debate whatsoever.

That probably sounds ridiculous but it’s genuinely making me feel extremely emotional.

Next up: I thought music sucked that year because I was depressed but I relistened to it and no it wasn’t just me

[phoenixryzing]

Full imagining list

Hey, just a silly little (well...) post trying to list every single imagining character. (Imagining- basically fanficiton that I just image, don’t write). (And for those curious, no, none of these are relationship-based, they’re all of the ‘suddenly find yourself in the fictional world’ kind. Its an escapist fantasy that I relied on heavily to mentally survive being abused).

They’re all me, hence why I don’t list them as ‘OC’s’- they’re not. They aren’t all the same though- every universe changes them. And cause this is wish fulfillment fantasy- ya most of these guys are ridiculous.

Anyways, this list is long as hell so under the cut it goes!

Ordered by show and in messy chronological order.

X-men characters: Watcher (nightcrawler rip-off basically), Shadow (yep, this is where she started! Bit like Raven from TT meet Nightcrawler here), Electric Storm (can change into electricity, electric powers)

Teen Titans: Aurora (living electricity)

Avatar: The Last Airbender (Toph copy, only traded strength with earth for precision with metal) (Firebender) 

Dragonfable: Scarletfire (fire mage), Shadow (next step)(more like current version but changed a lot)

Danny Phantom: half-ghost character (takes place in our world but Danny’s powerset)

Pokemon: Aura Guardian (name kept changing, IIRC it’s Joan)

Code Lyoko: Tigerlady (I think) (trapped in computer, could change forms)

Warrior Cats: shadowstar? I forget her name. (human mimicking cat)

Yu-gi-oh: Guardian Eatos (well more me with eatos showing up)

Archknight: (okay basically a librarian in the Library of Time who prevents time anonolies and can enter books to fix potential time-issues/collect info)(based on the AE forums lore).

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood: Nemesis (origin)(longest imagining at 3 months running. Most of these last from a week to a month). (hunting envy after he killer her family, ends up being turned into living metal)

Soul Eater: Coraline, Amaya (origin) (mirror version (literally) of Crona, only powers come from being possessed, which in SE’s universe mimics black-blood)

Dragonrider of Pern: (forget name; a blue dragonrider who pretended to be male cause f*** that universe; uncanny telepathy ability)

Rise of the Guardians: Guardian of Innocence (exactly as it says on the tin), Summer Wind (guardian of laughter (yes I know that’s kinda Jack’s power, she was more of an embodiment of summer than anything)), Mother Goose (4th wall writer, Guardian of Creativity) 

(can ya tell I love that movie?)

Fairy Tail: Scarletfire (magic-less member of FT who uses a fire-staff) 

Doctor Who: Nemesis/Immortal Soldier (magic gun that can paralyze and only kill those who aren't innocent; has a tardis/ship named Tinkerbell)

Sword Art Online: Angelica (origin) (flying, glitched out character who went around helping people)

No Game No Life: myself-writer (also has Scarletfire’s fire-staff eventually)

Log Horizon: Shadow/Ravena (Assassin/Druid, overskill merging the two bodies into one person/controlling both) (current)

A lot of characters aren't from one show specifically though, but a setting. Here they are-

Moonbeam (elf village), Moonbeam (living beam of light who acts like a muse- origin)

Scarletwing (um... cross between angel and muse)

Crystal and Firelily (superheros)(ice and fire powers respectively)

White Raven (’mutant’, like x-men but not the same world, turns into an albino raven)

Teleporter-whose-name-I-forget (similar to above)

Master of the Night (mutant (Nightcrawler) who joins Ringling’s as an acrobat (acrobat was the first job I wanted to have, back when I was- what- six?)

Magic Book- basically has a book where anything written in it comes true (this is an old character, like I was 12).

Inkheart-style read-self-into-stories

4th Wall Writer (essentially the stories I write are real in another verse, so I’m more recording it from beyond the 4th wall) 

Suicide Ghost/Demon (Coraline)(commits suicide and in exchange for not going to Hell (yet) has to do the devil’s dirty work- but tries to loophole abuse it to get a good ending for the victims)

Vampire- various ones; usually dealing with trying to not be damned for it

Various possessed/half-demon stories (ditto on the ‘not go to Hell’ thing while also trying to use powers for good)

Various ones where my family abandons me/kicks me out and I figure out how to live- either becoming a writer (and doing odd jobs), living in the woods, or the one below.

Various fics where I’d kill my family and become a serial killer (Harlequin’s origin)(I take a perverse pleasure out of imagining killing people...) 

MANY various ones based around acquiring a specific power in our world: iceperson, ghost, flying, ice-control, intangibility, invisibility, fire-powers, technopath, telepath, telekinesis, talking to animals, transforming into animals, becoming some kind of empty shell, becoming a living skeleton, Zeref-style field-of-death powers, healing, reset-to-prevent-death.

Various injury fics (what if I went blind, mute, lost my arms, paralyzed, etc. Sometimes with  trade-off superpower- usually not- sometimes just dealing with it)

Various different career ones (singer, programmer, writer, animator, let’s player, professor, debater, running a home for runaways) 

Various real-life little issues- dealing with an upcoming class, event, etc. 

And a bunch of one-shot characters from pretty much anything; but since they only lasted a day or so I don’t remember them. Changes are, if I’ve read/watched/played it, there’s a one-shot character in there somewhere.

Okay, if you made it this far and are curious why I do these...

Basically, because I can’t talk to people, I would image myself in many different situations to figure out what to do. 90% of all of these is just talking- about my flaws, this or that difficulty, social situation, etc.

A lot of it also is me exploring different experiences I would never have. What if a friend died? Betrayed me? What if I really messed up, and got someone killed? Forced them away? What if people depended on me- and I failed?

You get the idea. The imagining normally focused on some real-world issue I was having at the moment, and let me explore how to handle them safely. The only reason these took place in fictional worlds is because they had pre-made characters I could talk to, situations I could deal with, etc. Plus, when not worrying about RL I would just do fun stuff.