#are you so uninteresting that you have to go attack random communities for no reason?

[hxnyshifting]

people outside of the community need to learn how to shut the fuck up

oh dear god

[fairuzfan]

I think you misinterpreted what that Bund anon said. I know how it feels now that a lot of people try to distract the attention from people in Gaza and victimize Israelis and zionists falsely using antisemitism. But what that anon meant is that the strive for a country or a homeland for Jewish people itself isn't something inherently wrong and bad. With the increasing antisemitism its understandable that Jewish people feel more insecure than years before. I hope you are aware that the antisemitism isn't only the fake one that zionists use. There have been a number of attacks on random Jewish people and community centers or houses. Like they said Israel itself was oppressive and colonial from the start. Zionists even before the creation of Israel were actively harming Palestinian population (despite pogroms were mutual). But what they meant was that it shouldn't necessarily be like that. You can't say that any Jewish attempts or desire to make a country for themselves will necessarily be like this.

I hope I delivered my point correctly.

Hello. I'm actually very tired regarding the topic and won't be answering/discussing anything after this, or at least I will try not to. I'm not interested in a discussion on the matter.

Unfortunately, Zionism, in the modern day, is a political ideology that relies on settler colonialism. Herzl, the founder of modern political Zionism, himself said this in his book. He straight up says it is a colonial project.

If you still call yourself a Zionist right now in this day and age knowing what Zionism represents, then I am wholly uninterested in your viewpoints. The post that caused the other anon to send me something (click) had a quote from a tweet that sums up my fundamental point:

“There’s a actual existing Zionism which practices apartheid and denial of human rights. But there’s another Zionism inside my head which is all rainbows and kosher marshmallows, so who can say which is the real Zionism?”

I'm not going to talk about the topic of Jewish homeland as a necessity. That is not what I'm talking about right now. I am saying that Zionism is the reason for the displacement and murder of my family members and friends. It is the reason the United States is so heavily invested in the state of Israel. It is the reason the people of Gaza are being bombed day and night, being starved. It is the reason the people in the West Bank are literally pushed out of their homes.

Regardless of your hopes and dreams, that is the reality I am living with. If you align yourself under the term "Zionism," then yes, you are for the murder and displacement of my people. I am not willing to budge on this.

You can argue all you want about what sort of Zionist you want to be, but just know that Palestinians will see you and be afraid of you, regardless of your ethnicity or emotional ties to the word.

[violetzzone]

Oh haha you're so normal!!1! What. What di you mean. What do you mean. I cant sleep with the light off because im terrified a murderer will sneak into my room to kill me and i wont be able to see them coming. What do you mean. I genuinely dont care at all about anyone im not interested in and i think uninteresting people are npcs and dont actually exist beyond scripted interactions. They cannot hear me unless i talk directly to them. Each time i am home alone i am terrified because i think someone is starinf at me from outside the window or has hroken into our house. I want the people close to people i love to die or leave them because i hate them for stealing my people. I want my parents to get in a car crash and die sometimes. I cant have a normal conversation because i have a hard time communicating and even remembering the last words i have said in a conversation or the point of what i said. I think people are mad at me if they dont respond to me either irl or online and nothing can ever be my fault because i cant see past my black and white thinking which means everyone who disagrees with me is bad and if i disagree with someone i have decided is truthful then simply i am bad but if anyone else still disagrees with me they are still bad even if they agree with a beacon of truth. I think peoppe being mad at me is the defailt and that random people i have never seen before will plot to hurt or kill me because they hate me. Or just because.

I hope the people i hate die awful deaths and i have panic attacks and break things because i cant remember math equations. The only things keeping me going is the fact i have people that i cant abandon. I cant talk to people at school because i know they think im gross. I feel really gross. I pretend they do not exist. Do not call me normal. Do not pretend we are the same or that i am normal i am weird and ive been weird and its caused me so much pain but if you take that from me then theres no reason ive been an outcast and being scared and hateful and awful is just because im a bad person and its my fault.

I am at my wits end with this please dont call me normal. Dont consider yourself my friend if you call me normal. You are denying every hurt i have felt growing up lonely because everyone avoided me. You are denying my issues with making friends because now i am afraid of the world. You are denying my issues with communication because the words never come out right. You are denying everything about me. We are not friends

[fizzingwizard]

Episode 32 arrives! It’s, I gotta say, quite an improvement on what we’ve had lately. Quite an improvement. Even so, it’s nothing that’s gonna rock the world... but hey, I was so desperate for something different to happen that y’know what, I’ll take it.

Pic of the week:

A Digimon who just wants to roll around in the grass. Go’way, baddies.

More below!

So as you probably gather... we start with Takeru this week! Haha! Good riddance Taichi! I luv ya but I’ve had enough of ya! Take a break!

jk I totally missed him the whole thirty seconds he wasn’t on screen

Takeru and Patamon are running for their lives, of course! Patamon makes a valiant effort to evolve to protect Takeru but...

... Poor baby. He gave it the ol’ college try but he just ain’t as young as he used to be.

Things look grim until Komondomon shows up with a creepy disembodied hand sticking out of his fur!

Phew, it’s just Sora. Her brilliant plan to rescue Takeru is to grab his arm and drag him along with them... I mean... sure... Whiplash has been proven Not A Thing in this universe so...

After getting rid of their pursuer, the group checks in with the others. I’m reminded of how silly separations feel when you can just communicate with each other by walkie-talkie. Yamato’s been riding Garurumon for a long time now lol. At least we got to see him...

He sweetly encourages Takeru and tells him the best thing he can do to help Patamon with his evolution issues is be there to support him. Then he tells Taichi “I leave Takeru in your case.” Ok sure, like Sora’s not right there...

Taichi: In my care? Should I point out that I already lost one little sibling to the dark side? Nah...

Seriously, though... that’s the current situation. Taichi is actively going over SkullKnightmon to get Hikari back. If Takeru stays with him that just means Takeru gets to go into danger again too. Of course, it seems that the dark side is suddenly uninterested in Takeru and Patamon so... I guess it’s okay 9_9

We then check in with Mimi! Who is being her awesome Mimi-tastic self. Ugh I love her.

Wondered what happened to Golemon. Turns out there was nothing much to worry about because no one loves a macho boxing match like Tachikawa Mimi. If there’s ever a season where these kids grow up, I hope Mimi is like, a big fan of sumo or something.

Taichi: O... kay... well... Mimi sure is... an intersting person...

Agumon: Hey you should make her your girlfriend!

Taichi: what nOOO BAD IDEA ABORT ABORT

Meanwhile, the situation with Jou is, um, questionable to say the least...

(how is keeping that towel on)

Jou: HEEEEELP!!!

Taichi: ... you didn’t hear anything, did you? Me neither. *closes link*

Finally we check in with Koushirou. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what he says. -__-;

At least we see him get bombed a bit. He’s okay though.

Meanwhile unconscious Patamon gets a visitor from baby angel Lopmon, who tells him about hist lost memories.

He adds that the other legendary warriors have lost their power and it’s up to Patamon and his bond with Takeru to save the world more or less.

He encourages Patamon to find his hope.

Patamon: Who am I? What am I? All before me is dark. I know not what path to take.

The others, having nothing better to do, peep on Patamon’s crisis of faith.

Takeru relates a story about learning to swim and being scared of the water, but Yamato stayed with him so eventually he was able to learn to do it. Aww. Not quite comparable to Hikari’s “I wet the bed and Taichi changed the sheets and then told our parents that he was the one that did it” from the 99 series but still pretty good.

The sweet moment is interrupted by a flash of light! Then dark! Then light! Then dark!

It’s another scary Digimon! Oh dear. It’s Kerberomon. A three-headed Cerberus as I’m sure you figured out. Once again, this show does not how to convey what the stakes are. After everything we’ve been through, it’s hard to take random nobody Digimon as serious as each episode wants us to take them... but it’s obvious from the build up here that Kerberomon’s going to be tough to beat for Reasons.

Greymon gets hit and says, “I let down my guard!” MAYBE DON’T DO THAT THEN

Also it is very windy.

Le ouch. This is the Digimon from earlier whose name I forgot to take down. He’s come back with his friend...

... Scarier-in-the-dark-mon.

They’re surrounded~ Oh noes and whatnot.

Taichi is a bit cool here, clinging to Komondomon’s helmet and directing the battle like a war general. Mostly he’s telling them how to avoid getting hit by Kerberomon’s powerful attacks but I like that we get to see him using his head like this.

What I think is happening here is, Komondomon isn’t as fast as the kids could be if they were on their own, so their speed is hampered and that plus the number of assailants makes this battle tough. I am sure we’re supposed to assume that the reason WarGreymon doesn’t appear is because it takes a lot of energy to bring him out, even though last time he appeared twice in the same episode -.-;

Sora decides to be useful and goes to help Takeru get to safety.

... She is immediately struck by an attack and collapses, badly hurt somehow. This is so dumb. First of all, they don’t even animate her getting hit. There’s a flash and then she’s down. She should at least get to throw herself over Takeru protectively or something. Geez. 90s anime did it so much better. She’s just standing there and gets hit. What, did she forget there was a battle raging around her?

Second, WE ALREADY HAD DAMSEL IN DISTRESS SORA. It was Jou’s motivation to be cool way back when this show was rather more interesting than it has been of late. Why do the boys need Sora to get SERIOUSLY INJURED to be able to fight?? WHY?? Like, Taichi gets caught in the line of fire ALL THE TIME, but he never gets injured to the point where he can’t continue on. (Except for that one time with Devimon but those were exceptional circumstances!)

Like, why are we making Sora so weak?? This is so unnecessary.

I guess Yamato was right by entrusting Takeru to Taichi instead of Sora though...

... Uhhh.... never mind X’D

Taichi: Whew... m-maybe no one saw that...

Our be-bibbed god reappears to offer sage advice.

Patamon recalls his final moments as Seraphimon... being enveloped into darkness.

This is cool - we see his angelic wings turn to demon ones briefly before he slides back to lower levels. Not sure if it means anything but we have been theorizing that Patamon could still be infected by the evil that wounded him in the past.

Patamon then recalls things that happened after he was reborn and I’m reminded for the billionth time how much harder the emotions around Angemon’s death hit in the 99 show...

Suddenly Patamon realizes - his hope is Takeru, and he is Takeru’s hope.

The boys put on their game faces. This is what I mean by Sora really didn’t need to get hurt here. I get that it gives Takeru a reason to be protective, but the thing that evolves Patamon is Patamon’s feelings, the same way Agumon’s feelings were what rescued them from Devimon etc. That’s an interesting thing about this show - the Digimon’s feelings seem as important to evolution as, if not more than, the kids’.

Patamon evolves!! Very creepily! But... not to Angemon!

He becomes Pegasusmon! Who... looks a lot bigger than I remember, even considering Takeru is very small... xD

So this is pretty cool! I’ve been wondering how on earth the show was gonna keep introducing evolutions after already using up so many key players, especially for Taichi. But it looks like Armor Digimon can appear, and that makes me think that we could see all kinds of evolutions for the entire team that we’ve never seen before. I like that idea, but I don’t really know if this show has time for it. Maybe it will just be Pegasusmon and Nefertimon who are available to Takeru and Hikari so the writers can preserve the angels for the most epic moments only. That seems the most likely way things will go here, and the only qualm I have with it is, they’ve played all of Taichi’s cards already, and he’s the main character. He has to have something else in the future...

He attac!!!!

Kerberomon doesn’t last long, although why is wholly inexplicable. What about Pegasusmon gives him the edge when MetalGreymon and Garudamon couldn’t handle it? Is it because he’s an Armor Digimon? That may be it but the show doesn’t bother to explain.

Another thing I’d love to see, if there are gonna be more than just one evolutionary tree for the partners, is the kids actually strategizing when they decide which evolution to use. One of the cool parts of Tamers was the kids actively supporting their partner with skill as well as heart. I don’t think that’s gonna happen in this season, but you know, a girl can dream.

Takeru: Hurray for murder!

The three Digimon work together to put the lid on Kerberomon. Garudamon has the coolest moment. Squash.

Taichi checks on Sora who seems fine now. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Aw, but these two really are adorable.

What a sweet ending card T_T I want more of these.

Okay so yeah, this episode was a much needed upper after the stream of “watch Taichi fight random forgettable monsters” episodes we’ve had lately. I’m glad we got it. I still, just, like, why can’t they get the emotional build up right?? I wouldn’t say 99 Adventure did anything insanely unusual in how it treated the various crises the kids faced, but it def did a better job than this show. In 99, they understood the importance of moments of reflection, of talking about things, of showing expressions and how other characters react... And I still feel like this reboot DID do that, at least somewhat better, in the beginning. Like what went down between Yamato and Taichi after Ogremon was killed. That was pretty good.

They’ve totally lost what makes Digimon great. I hope this episode is a sign that they’re gonna take it back, but, my heart just hearts y’all.

Next episode... I’m rather surprised since we are REALLY overdue some face time with Yamato, not to mention Mimi and Jou, but apparently we’re sticking with Taichi. At least it looks lke we’ll get some new plot stuff related to Hikari.

If this all leads up to something that makes sense, I will retract all my complaints, I swear. Except about the gratuitous nonstop fighting. But the rest, I will take back.

Taichi’s determined!! This is Digimon Adventure! Let’s go on a freaking adventure!!

[burned-to-the-void]

Siegemas Day 17

My prompt: “Everyone shut up and pretend to be happy.”

A pre-Christmas team dinner for GIGN, basically. Or, a tiny step in the process of being accepted.

2.4K words, G rated, no content warnings apply.

Thank you again @dualrainbow​ for giving me the opportunity to participate!!💙 I hope you guys enjoy my contribution to this wonderful event, and please go check their blog to read more from other talented writers if you haven’t yet, you won’t regret! 

🎄 Happy Holidays, everyone ;)

~*~

Twitch leans forward with her hands on the counter, inspecting the food for the umpteenth time despite the fact she knows that everything is up to her standard, which can be considered a synonym for perfection. She has pestered Rook, who volunteered to help her preparing the food, enough times to ensure that. The pâté lorrain smells wonderful, just as her grandma’s used to do, and the roasted turkey, stuffed with plump chestnuts, looks almost heaven-sent with its skin crispy and glistening with rich fat. The desserts are already set on the plates―except for the chocolate mousse that’s still being chilled in the fridge―dazzling in their various colors and shapes.

Really, there is no reason to feel this nervous, it’s just another dinner with her teammates, not a cooking competition. No one is going to point out even if there is something that’s less than perfect, not even Lion would be that blunt.

He's really coming, isn't he. Reminded of the real reason behind her worry, Twitch has to suppress the urge to bury her face in her palms and groan, a bit over-dramatic as she's prone to be.

Inviting him didn’t seem like a bad idea, in the beginning. It’s not Lion himself that she'd like to avoid, it’s the inevitable tension that charges the air like static electricity when him and Doc are in each other’s vicinity, one that she can't help but pick up like a overly sensitive radar, putting her on edge as well. When Doc isn’t involved she has a nice working relationship with Lion, although they rarely interact in more personal settings, making today an unlikely exception.

It was Montagne who suggested that she should invite one more person to the team dinner, which she had meticulously planned out so they can celebrate together before they part ways to spend the actual Christmas with their respective families. Sensing her hesitation, he assured her that he'd have a talk with both of them in advance and personally see to it that they remain civil during the dinner, and this earnest promise from the most reliable man she’s ever known had been enough to persuade her.

Had been, that is, until some assholes decided to celebrate their holiday by threatening the local community with a thrilling promise of random bomb attacks, causing mass panic in the area, and along with several other operators Montagne was picked out to go and intervene. He tried to apologize before he leave, to which Twitch only shook her head because it wasn't his fault terrorists didn't give a shit about other people's holiday plans. But now that the drama of the evening is about to unfold, without him to defuse the situation if the things get heated, she can’t help but lament his absence a little.

“It’s going to be okay,” says Rook, bumping his shoulder with hers lightly, and places a tray of newly baked plum jam cookies on the counter. His eyes linger on them a bit too longingly, and Twitch sighs.

“I envy your optimism. You can have one now if you want, we’re one man short anyway.”

“Well, if you say so,” he grins, and reaches directly for the one that's practically oozing with ruby-red jam, as if he was just waiting for the cue. Twitch is opening her mouth to comment on it but that is the exact moment when the doorbell starts to ring, so she just rolls her eyes and hurries past him to greet the guest.

Doc is standing by the door, the tips of his ears reddened by the cold air but otherwise immaculate from head to toe, with a toned down blue scarf that actually matches the color of his coat, a feat not many men can achieve. Once again Twitch is reminded that without the near perpetual look of bone-deep tiredness he makes a strikingly handsome figure, even to eyes that are uninterested by principle.

Also, surprisingly, he isn't alone.

"We're not too late, are we?" To his credit, Doc's smile doesn't even look that much strained, despite his company.

"You two came together?" Twitch has to ask, blinking up at the hunched form of Lion who is tailing behind Doc, and for the lack of better word, sulking. Doc shakes his head with a chuckle.

"God, no. I just caught him fidgeting in front of the door."

"I didn't fidget," Lion mutters a protest, clearly still fidgeting. Doc, his smile somehow both sympathetic and smug, doesn't bother a reply but Lion glares at him as if he's heard one anyway. Twitch hastily beckons them inside to break the tension before it has a chance to develop.

Doc gives Twitch a quick hug on his way in, careful not to press her against the cold surface of his coat, and brushes past her into the dining room. When it's Lion's turn they both stare at each other, unsure, until he shoves a bottle of wine into her hand, almost as an afterthought.

"Thought I'd bring a gift," Lion explains with a sheepish expression.

"Thanks," Twitch arches her eyebrow, caught by surprise, albeit a pleasant one. Lion nods, looking satisfied, and follows Doc before she can find any more words to add.

"Mmm, something smells wonderful in here," Doc comments, taking his gloves off and rubbing his cold hands together.

"Hey, guys," Rook sticks his head out from the kitchen, oblivious to the fact he's got some cookie crumbs on the corner of his mouth. "And no, everything smells wonderful in here, we really put a lot of effort into it this year. Especially the desserts."

"I can tell," Doc deadpans, but not without a hint of indulgent smile, and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt to help them with the last of the preparation. He's no stranger to her kitchen, after all. Lion hovering near the counter, on the other hand, definitely is, so Twitch ushers him to the table and points down at one of the chairs.

"Sit," she orders, which he follows without any complaint.

"He's only playing nice because it's you, you know," Doc grumbles to her, when they're left alone in the kitchen by chance. Twitch only snorts.

"So, it's a bad thing that he respects me enough to listen to me?"

"Well… no," he admits reluctantly, adding sauce over the plate of oven-baked trout fillet with a skilled flick of his wrist. Twitch steals a glance at the table, where Rook is trying to make a small talk with Lion, although it's impossible to tell about what, and more importantly how smoothly, from where she's standing. Lion is drumming his fingers against the table, feigning collected boredom, while his whole posture screams tension. Not used to saying yes to personal invitations, her brain provides. When he did, he must have had no idea that Montagne, his social bridge when it comes to team dynamic, would be missing from the scene.

"Try to give him a chance, Gus. Just for tonight."

Doc's fingers falter, in the middle of putting up the garnish, but only for a split second. When he answers his voice comes out soft and pensive.

“For tonight,” he agrees, and Twitch lets herself hope that maybe, just maybe this evening won't end as poorly as she had imagined.

~*~

In retrospect, hope rarely does anyone a favor.

With the help of warm, quality food and a few glasses of wine, Lion slowly loosens up, looking less out of place, his answers not so clipped anymore. He participates in the conversation without being pressed to, although his smiles are still rare and fleeting, and as the host Twitch could have counted it as a victory, was it not for the way―

"Your claim here is outrageous, Kateb," Lion blurts out, cutting her off from her thoughts, and at this point, she neither knows nor gives a fuck what their current argument is about, or who started it this time. No point in keeping the score when they're so determined to make it a tie.

"I have statistics to back me up, and I might have shared them with you if you weren't such a stubborn asshole," Doc replies, his enunciation precise, but Twitch knows it's just because he's putting extra effort not to slur. Lion growls, unfailingly rising to the bait.

"Statistics can be flawed, more so when they're taken from the field. Too many variables."

"Actually, they're from the lab. Admit you’re wrong, it really is more fatal than a heart attack. The survival rate is almost―"

Across the table, Rook shares a pained look with Twitch. This semi-drunk, almost childish bickering has been going for god-knows-how-long over several different subjects now, changing the topic only serving as a temporary solution, and while it's better than the full-scale war they usually wage against each other, it's still giving her a migraine. She drinks what's left in her glass nonstop and sets it down with more force than she has to. It's not like they would notice anyway. Her phone buzzes from her pocket, signalling an incoming call. Twitch fishes it out in a heartbeat, eager for anything to distract her from this.

"It's Gilles," she announces, which goes largely unheard amidst the raging debate. Calmly, she takes a deep breath and slams her fist on the table, hard, making all of the plates and glasses shudder and clatter in their places. Instantly three sets of eyes fly up to her, stunned, but finally no one is using their mouth for purposes other than gaping. Good.

“I said, it's Gilles on the phone, and I’m gonna pick up now, so everyone shut up and pretend to be happy.” Just before tapping on the receive button, she adds a belated please, which does nothing to soften the blow.

Lion is the first to recover from the shock, and he gets up from his seat to exit the dining room altogether, huffing out loud. Twitch directs her gaze toward Doc, who is adamantly not meeting her eyes, his face flushed with mild embarrassment. Rook, of all people, is the only one who looks vaguely apologetic.

"Gilles!" She answers, aiming for the bright tone and probably failing, and puts him on speaker. "Glad you called, I was planning to check up on you. The mission went pretty smooth, I heard?"

"Oh, better than smooth. Turned out they were just a bunch of amateurs. The bombs wouldn't have even detonated properly, Monika said. The actual hard part was dealing with the panicked citizens, wanting to know if the packages they've just got can be timebombs in gift wrappers."

Twitch hums sympathetically, the mental image of people swarming up to IQ demanding she should take a look at their present boxes with her detecting device―that may even contain questionable items, only that they’re not bombs―vivid in her head.  Doc and Rook scoot closer to add their own hellos, and Montagne is quick to notice the absence.

“I take it Olivier couldn’t make it?” he asks, and at his troubled tone Rook jumps in hurriedly to correct him.

“No, he's here. He just went to kitchen to fetch, uh, something.”

“He is?” Montagne sounds surprised, but also genuinely pleased, probably seeing the fact he didn't bail out as a personal progress, and would be terribly disappointed to find out he is still, to some degree, trying to. Twitch feels she has no choice but to jump into the lion’s den herself.

“Yeah, I’ll go and see what’s taking him so long,” she mutters and picks herself up from her seat to follow him outside.

She's ready to drag him in by force if needed, nevermind the solid thirty kilograms he has on her, but she hasn’t expected him to be actually heading back in, and almost bumps into him in the doorway. Lion takes a step back, quick apology on his lips.

“Gilles wants to talk with you,” Twitch informs him, but it comes out as an accusation. Lion, having no problem recognizing it, just nods along.

"I just needed to get some fresh air, before I go back to pretending I'm enjoying this... new-found peace treaty with our doctor," he smiles darkly, earning himself an incredulous stare.

“You call that peace?”

“Compared to what we normally do? Yes. We’re talking and not hating each other’s guts for once,” he shrugs, as Twitch steps aside to let him in.

“Whatever you say, but keep it down a notch. I’m positive my ears are bleeding by now.”

He does have a point though, so Twitch is willing to let the conversation slip as it is, but the way he casts his glance down and frowns suggests he has more to say, so she chooses to wait, despite the chilly air.

“I want to… thank you, for inviting me. I know I’m not the most welcomed person in house parties.”

Considering the context, his following smile could be more bitter, but it remains neutral. Not really self-deprecating, just stating what he’s accepted as a fact. The attitude suits him, Twitch thinks. Sharp and precise assessment delivered in the bluntest way possible, applied even to himself.

“No problem. The more the merrier, isn’t it? And cooking for one more isn’t that much of inconvenience,” she replies, and smiles as a thought crosses her mind. “You’re not that bad, as a guest. See, you're the only one with who brought gift today."

Lion makes an noncommittal noise at that, looking skeptical, and yes, maybe that only means he is still a guest in this house, when rest of them is a family, but it's a starting point, one that now Twitch is determined to make the most of it. And the thing about acquired family is, they all started from ground zero.

“Let’s go back in, poor Gilles must be thinking either we lied to him, or that you ran away. And in case you’re considering it, you’re not going anywhere before you try the desserts.”

"I wouldn't dare," Lion chuckles, and opens the door to the dining room. After a short break, the air feels pleasantly warm, overflowing with the rich smell of butter, chocolate, and cinnamon. It seems like Rook has begun to set out all the desserts, ever the enthusiast, while Doc has been keeping Montagne's company. Twitch momentarily forgets to announce their return, in favor of soaking in every detail of the scene, from the way the soft, golden light makes everyone's face glow in the same hue, to the sound of their shared laughter, feeling so fiercely right in place―and hopes one day, if not today, it would be the same for Lion as well.

[1989dreamer]

When the Stars Align

And here is part two of why @evanesdust​ had to be so, so patient for their prompt to be fulfilled.

AO3 Link

Written for this prompt (same as Seventy-Five Percent).

Yes, I wrote three stories for the same prompt. It was a lot of fun.

Summary: Derek has a coworker that is a little too enthusiastic about getting him alone, so he asks Stiles for help. Stiles gladly volunteers but neither of them quite know what they’re getting into. A pissed off Kate Argent isn’t to be trifled with and neither are the growing feelings Stiles has for Derek.

Tags: Stalking, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Child Abuse, Murderer Peter Hale, Deputy Cora Hale. Human AU, Getting Together, Fake Dating, Kate Argent is Her Own Warning, Fear, Non-descriptive Panic Attacks

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It was a beautiful Thursday afternoon, and Stiles was out at the park with his sketchbook and pencils, just trying to draw random sketches of his characters, trying to find the natural flow of their movement for the big battle they had coming up. Suddenly, almost sweetly, he heard the words: “I’m going out with Stiles.”

His head shot up. He was going out with someone? News to him. Who could be making such a bold claim?

He studied the people nearest him: Derek Hale, older brother of Stiles’ closest friend, Cora Hale; some blonde woman standing way too close to Derek; and a sallow-faced, shady-looking fellow who reminded Stiles of his sadistic chemistry teacher.

Derek pointed at Stiles. “My boyfriend,” he said, somewhat stiffly, upset and uncomfortable, and excuse him but Stiles was a national treasure. Dating him would be nothing but a delight.

The blonde woman seemed unperturbed by the fact that Derek was one) clearly trying to escape and two) his “boyfriend” was right there.

Stiles stood up, shoved his sketchpad under his arm, and sauntered over to them. He cocked a hip and tucked a hand around Derek’s waist, noting the way Derek sagged against him in relief. “What’s up, babe? These idiots bothering you?”

The woman’s face sank into a sour expression, and Stiles almost laughed at how angry she appeared. Almost as if she’d known Derek was lying to her, but Stiles had decided to play along. Whatever. It wasn’t like Stiles had anything better to do than to rescue the older brothers of his friends.

The woman stuck out her hand. “Kate Argent,” she said, as sour as her face.

Stiles ignored her hand. “Stiles, Derek’s other half.”

“Certainly not the better half,” Kate laughed, something malicious lurking beneath her false smile.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Derek said, and wasn’t he being so sweet? Stiles pinched him to make him close his mouth.

“Now, my question still stands: are you bothering my boyfriend?”

Kate didn’t answer. Instead, she stomped off, her companion trailing after her. Derek didn’t immediately pull away, which surprised Stiles.

“What’s up with that?” Stiles asked when Derek finally disentangled himself.

Derek rolled his shoulders. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “She works with me. Technically she’s my boss.”

“And how does dating me come into it?”

Derek rolled his shoulders again and Stiles realized that he was shrugging.

“If you date me for, say, a month and then break up with me, spectacularly, publicly, Kate would think I’m undateable and she’ll leave me alone.”

“And why me?”

Derek shrugged again. “I panicked?” he offered.

“Oh, I see. I’m the convenient choice.”

“No,” Derek said. “I just.” He blew out a breath. “You were right there. I knew you. I’m sorry. You don’t have to do it. I can find someone else.”

For some reason, that was more of an insult to Stiles than the fact that Derek had chosen him in the first place. “Now, wait a minute.” He grabbed Derek’s hand. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it.”

Derek’s eyebrows scrunched together. “You’ll do it?”

Stiles nodded. “Who knows why? Probably because you’re the big brother of my best friend, and Cora will never let me hear the end of it if I let you get pressured into dating your boss.”

Derek made a face. “Cora can’t know about the fake dating thing,” he said.

“Why not?” Stiles shook his head. “She’s my best friend. Of course, she’s going to know.”

Derek sighed. “Fine. It’s not like she wouldn’t have found out anyway.”

“So, what are your rules for dating?” Derek shrugged. “No, seriously. What’s on the table? What’s off? Pet names? Touching? What kind of dates do you want to go on? I mean, you want Kate to actually think we’re dating, right?”

“I guess?” Derek frowned. “I-I think so? Would it be easier to meet up at, like, one of our apartments and plan this out?”

“Sure. That works. Want to go now?”

Derek nodded. Honestly, he looked a little lost. Something wasn’t adding up. “Why can’t you just tell Kate’s boss or HR that she’s bothering you? Why go through this subterfuge?”

Derek sighed, and Stiles felt the vibration of it in his chest. Derek was bone tired, exhausted, and frustrated. He was thoroughly vexed.

“Kate is the HR department,” he said. “Her dad owns the company. All my coworkers just tell me to buckle down and date her.”

“But,” Stiles said.

“I’m not comfortable with dating. There’s been rumors of some of the men she’s dated before. She likes challenges, likes to break her partners. She’s taken my disinterest as a challenge.”

“There’s got to be some way to report her. Will any of her former partners file a police report against her?”

“I don’t know. I think she, like, collects evidence that her partners are the ones who hurt her.”

Stiles shuddered. “Dude, I am so sorry that she’s targeting you.”

“So am I.” Derek sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m sorry I got you involved. Kate will probably try and scare you off. I don’t know what tactics she’ll use, so I can’t warn you more.”

“Well, how about we worry about the logistics of the dating before we worry about what Kate will or won’t do?”

Derek nodded, sitting down on the grass next to Stiles. He held out his hands, like he was showing that he was unarmed. Stiles smiled at him. While he hadn’t known Derek well when he and Cora were in school together, he’d been the cool older brother. The hot, cool older brother that Stiles sometimes daydreamed about kissing until he lost his edge.

Talking to Derek now, finding out that he liked some of the same things Stiles did and dates would be easy enough, that he liked slow dancing and kissing in the rain, that it took more than a few meetings before he made up his mind as to whether or not he actually liked someone romantically was all cute and good. It also made it a little more embarrassing that Stiles wanted to kiss him even more now.

Derek nodded at the sketchbook. “Anything good?”

“Just character studies,” Stiles replied. He was not in the habit of sharing his work before it was ready to publish. He was also used to people not respecting his boundaries when he said he didn’t want to share, that he was already expecting Derek to demand his sketchbook anyway.

“Cool,” Derek said. He gripped a handful of grass, tugging at it too gently to break any blades. “I write stories that are sort of like that.”

“Oh really?” Stiles smiled to let Derek know that he thought that was cool too, but it was wasted because Derek never looked up. “Hey,” Stiles said, “you know that if you put words on paper, then you’re a writer regardless of what anyone else tells you, right?”

“Right.” Stiles heard the disbelief in Derek’s voice. He could also relate to being told that his “hobby” wasn’t a form of real art. Well, he had time. He would start working with Derek to shed the negativity and embrace his passion.

“So, um,” Derek said, “did you want to do the first date tonight?”

“Yes,” Stiles said before Derek could take it back. “Absolutely. Pick you up at 7:00?”

“Sounds good.” Derek pulled out a small book, tore out a piece of paper, wrote down his address and phone number. “Just text me something so I have your number too.” He handed the paper to Stiles.

“Absolutely.” Stiles waved when Derek stood up. As soon as Derek was out of sight, Stiles sent two texts.

One to Derek: This is stiles now u have my #

And one to Cora: Dating ur bro don’t make it weird

Derek did not respond immediately, but Cora did.

Y

Y what

Y my brother. Leave derek alone u ass

He’s my bf now. Srsly tho, i’m helping him. Don’t give him grief

Fine. But if he cries over u, i break ur knees

Fair

Stiles set his phone aside and picked up his sketchbook again, tracing the shadow under his main character’s face. It wasn’t perfect, but Stiles wasn’t trying. This had been an exercise to get him out of his apartment. Finding out that Derek was in need of a rescue just like Malcolm was not at all how he planned his Thursday to go, but it was still nice enough. Besides, he’d secured a date with the hottest senior at Beacon Hills High—never mind that Derek hadn’t been a senior in high school for almost seven years and Stiles had graduated college and moved back to help out his dad, who was looking to retire from the position of Sheriff of Beacon County within the next two or three years. He’d started taking some graphic design classes at the community college when he realized he could only get so far with his self-taught art.

He still liked hand-drawing things, and he was almost ready to move onto sketching Mallorca when his pad was forcibly lowered.

He gripped his pencil, aware of how much damage he could inflict even though it was dull. Kate’s face popped into view and Stiles restrained his hand.

“What do you want?” he said, blandly. Uninterested. Kate seemed the type of person to hate that.

Stiles was right. She barely waited a second more before thumping his sketchbook down on his lap.

“Listen, Styles,” she hissed.

“Stiles,” he corrected.

Kate looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “That’s what I said.”

“No.” Stiles shook his head. “You said ‘Styles,’ like style of clothing or something. My name is ‘Stiles,’ with an i.”

Kate glared at him. “Whatever. Just stay away from Derek Hale. He may think he’s your boyfriend, but there’s only one person who’s right for him, and it’s not you.”

“Maybe so,” Stiles agreed easily, “but you know who has to make that decision? Derek. Not you.” He picked up his sketchbook, tucked away his pencils, and walked away from Kate.

This wasn’t high school. And no one should ever be able to call dibs on a person anyway.

Kate needed to grow up, but Stiles doubted that she ever would. She’d had lines by her eyes and a little gray in her hair under the bad dye job. She’d probably never had to work for anything in her life, working in Daddy’s company, having men thrown at her feet either by themselves or by circumstances.

If dating Derek got Kate off his back, then Stiles was game.

His phone chimed.

Derek.

Thanks. What did you want to do tonight? Dinner? Movie?

Stiles paused, thinking. He’d only been planning on taking Derek out to The Boot, a steakhouse on the edge of town. Jeans and flannel almost a requirement. But a movie…No, Stiles didn’t like movies for first dates. There was a small park—just a bench and some trees—near Stiles’ apartment that he liked to sit outside and dream up new adventures for his webcomic.

Maybe he could take Derek there?

Stargazing actually. If thats okay?

Derek’s reply came a few seconds later. Sounds good. Thanks.

Stiles couldn’t help the elation those words gave him. Yeah, it was Derek’s idea to pick out Stiles as a potential date, but the fact that he was agreeable to Stiles’ suggestions was a nice departure from Stiles’ usual dates.

See you at 7.

Stiles smiled at his phone, sending, See u then and then basically floating home, his steps light and unfettered.

He would make tonight awesome for Derek. And himself. The start of something new and beautiful.

The end would be fiery, and he’d have to guard his heart, but there wasn’t any harm in playing pretend, right? Thinking of a future where Derek did really want to date him. Where Kate Argent wasn’t a reason Derek needed safety or that Stiles could provide that safety.

Yeah. It was a nice fantasy.

~ * ~

The Boot wasn’t too crowded and the food only so-so, but when Derek got going, he could tell a story and keep Stiles sitting on the edge of his seat.

Using interrogation tactics gleaned from a lifetime as the son of a law officer, Stiles managed to extract Derek’s online persona from him, filing away the information for later in case he had to live a sudden Derek-less existence.

Like after publicly breaking up with Derek to make him undesirable.

After their meal, which Derek paid for and Stiles vowed to get the next one, they headed to the little park by Stiles’ apartment. He was acutely aware that sometime during their meal, the sallow-faced man Kate had been with showed up, and now he was following them.

“Excuse me a moment,” Stiles said, ducking into the bushes, like he was going to take a leak. Instead, as soon as he was out of sight, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Cora, asking her to look into Kate Argent and her associates.

Cora was a junior deputy at the Beacon County Sheriff’s Department and as such had access to resources that Stiles could only dream of—legally—obtaining.

Her reply came immediately: What am I looking for?

Stiles made sure his flash was off before he took a quick snap of Derek standing under the streetlight, back tense, facing down the sallow-faced man, who was perfectly illuminated, if even more washed out because of the quality of the light.

Fella on the left

On it

Stiles put away his phone and stepped out from the bushes, tugging at his zipper like he was just redoing it.

Derek sagged, visibly relieved to see him.

“Problems?” Stiles asked, putting his arm around Derek’s waist, making sure to keep his hand from actually touching him to keep up with the illusion that he’d just handled his dick.

“No,” Derek lied.

The man nodded his agreement. “Just thought I recognized him.”

“And do you?”

“Yeah,” again it was Derek who spoke. “This is Jerry. He works in Kate’s office with her.”

“Jerry, huh? Well, glad to see that you’re not a stranger I have to call the cops on. Just a coworker.”

Jerry shrugged. “I’m not who you should be worried about.”

“And neither is Kate. Go tell her the date was great. And we’re going to have sex now.”

Jerry scuttled away, his expression somewhat relieved. Puzzling.

Stiles’ phone pinged and he checked it to find a text from Cora.

Jerry has priors. Stay clear of him.

Priors, huh. Could be why he hung around Kate so much outside of work, if she had something on him.

Will do, he sent back. Well, he would certainly try. If Kate and Jerry had plans to keep running into Derek and him when they were on dates, Beacon Hills wasn’t the largest.

“Let’s get you home,” Stiles said to Derek, wondering at the stricken look he received in return.

“I thought we were supposed to go stargazing?”

“Yeah, if you want. I thought after running into Jerry, you might want to go home so that you wouldn’t risk running into him again.”

“I mean, isn’t it better to give them more evidence that we’re dating?”

“Sure. Okay.” Stiles took Derek’s hand, led him to the park. The whole way, he couldn’t shake the sensation that he’d done something wrong.

They sat on a bench, and Stiles let his head fall back. Even though they were competing with all the light pollution of the city, the stars were still breathtaking. Stiles liked to imagine that he was on a different world, exploring like his webcomic. It sure beat studying graphic design and living in his skin some days.

“Are we really going to have sex?” Derek asked quietly after a few minutes.

“No.” Stiles moved his head so that he could see Derek’s profile. “Did you want to?” He’d thought the whole ruse of them dating was to get Kate off Derek’s back so that he wouldn’t have to be assaulted.

And then he remembered what he’d said to Jerry.

“I’m sorry,” he said, sitting up and turning to face Derek. “I shouldn’t have said that, and especially not without clearing it with you first.”

Derek shrugged. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Derek, you’re allowed to be upset and to stand up for yourself. That’s what the ground rules are for. If I say or do something that makes you uncomfortable, then I need to know so that I don’t do it again.”

Derek nodded. “Okay. So, wanna point out any constellations?”

Happily, Stiles leaned back, lifting an arm. And then realized that Derek was putting him on. Amateur stargazer that he was in his spare time.

As first dates went, it wasn’t either the best or the worst, but it was a solid seven-and-a-half in Stiles’ book, and he had to remind himself, after walking Derek home, that they weren’t really dating.

It would undeniably get more difficult the longer they played the ruse, but at least there was an end. Even if it painted Stiles as the bad guy. It wasn’t like Stiles needed his reputation to remain pristine for Kate Argent. In fact, the more she disliked him, the better in his opinion.

Maybe he could work this storyline into his webcomic. It wasn’t like his adventurers were currently on an adventure.

On the one hand, Stiles had based Malcolm on Derek, subconsciously. And something like this—needing to pretend to date to throw off an unwanted suitor—was something Malcolm could potentially encounter. On the other, more logical hand, Derek probably read Stiles’ webcomic. Cora certainly did. Better not to muddle it with real life situations.

Shame though. It’d make a great arc. Even though he’d need to create a whole new character because Mallorca was asexual and uninterested in dating anyone platonically, and Stiles already knew that if he put a fake-dating in his comic, he’d have to end it as a real love story. Too bad real life couldn’t mimic fiction.

Stiles shoved his hands into his pockets and stalked home, mind already spinning with the storyline he couldn’t post.

~ * ~

Stiles woke up to a barrage of texts. Some from Cora. One from Derek. And seventeen from an unknown number.

Stiles opened Derek’s text first.

Kate got your number. I let Cora know too. If she bugs you, file a report. Maybe we can get her on harassment.

Stiles turned to Cora’s three texts.

Derek told me about kate getting ur #

If she bothers u let me kno

Come by the station. We’ll get u set up w/reports

He sent a text to each Hale thanking them for their concern. And then he read each and every one of the unknown texts.

It was definitely Kate.

She moved from a joking tone to downright threatening.

Well, Stiles knew what he was doing with his morning. Derek and Cora were right that he needed to establish a pattern of harassment. He’d suspected that being in Derek’s orbit was dangerous but to actively be threatened with bodily harm was another thing. Kate wasn’t stupid enough to actually threaten him, was she?

No. It was more likely that these texts were from Jerry or some other associate-slash-lackey.

Still. Stiles could give the phone’s owner hell. Maybe teach Kate a lesson by proxy.

He shot another text to Cora, letting her know that he’d stop by the station because of the texts he’d received.

Then, he took a shower, grabbed his textbook for his 1:00 class, and headed out.

Cora met him at the front desk. She snapped her fingers at him until he surrendered his phone.

While she copied the texts to an evidentiary phone, he poked his head into his dad’s office.

“Stiles,” Dad said in the way that usually meant he wasn’t pleased to see him. “I hear you’ve got a new boyfriend.”

Stiles winced. “Yeah. Meant to tell you about that.”

“You’re an adult. You can make your own decisions.” Dad rummaged in his desk until he found a bottle of antacids. He popped a couple in his mouth, chewing with a grimace. “You’re not here because your boyfriend is being a possessive asshole, are you?”

“No, not my boyfriend.” Stiles winced again. “Actually, it’s someone who wants to date my boyfriend. Kate Argent. She didn’t use her own phone to text me. She’s too smart for that.”

“Great.” Dad ran a hand over his face, digging at his eyes. “So who’s phone did she use?”

“That I don’t know. I think Cora is trying to figure that out now.”

“Great.” Dad rattled the antacids before putting them back in his desk. “Keep us in the loop if there are more incidents. And tell your boyfriend that I’d like to meet him some day too.”

“Dad,” Stiles whined, “it’s still so new. Let us see if there’s something there before we start introducing each other to families.”

Cora knocked on the door before his dad could open his mouth again. She handed Stiles his phone. “You were right that Kate didn’t use her own phone. She used Jerry’s. The kind of threats on there…” she whistled. “Well, let’s just say that it violates his parole.”

“So Kate’s burning her bridges.” Stiles bit his lip. “Hey so, Jerry followed us when we were on our date yesterday.” He blushed, embarrassed that he’d even said anything at all last night. “I told him we were going to have sex because I knew he was only following us on Kate’s orders.”

“And did you?” Dad asked.

“No, not that that’s any of your business. Thing is, Kate might be punishing Jerry for bringing her news she didn’t want to hear.”

“That’s definitely a possibility.” Dad sighed. “Okay, Stiles. I know you have class today. How about you head out? Let us know if you get any more texts.”

“Will do.” Stiles left the station with a nod to Cora. What a fucking mess. Derek didn’t need a boyfriend: he needed a bodyguard. Hell, Stiles needed a bodyguard after this morning.

How could Derek continue to work at Kate’s family’s company when she was such a menace?

Or maybe it was the fact that Derek was “dating” Stiles that made her flip out on him.

Whatever the reason, Stiles needed to warn Derek. There was a good chance that Kate would escalate, and Derek was probably her intended victim.

She was worse than what Derek had said. She was dangerous and volatile. And Stiles wanted to be the one to bring her down. He didn’t want to hide or let her win because doing either of those things meant that she’d get Derek, and that was not an acceptable outcome.

Yes, they were fake-dating, but that didn’t mean Stiles didn’t care for or not love Derek.

He sent a text to Derek, asking to meet him after class ended at 5:00 and to watch out in case Kate tried anything retaliatory.

Then, he tried not to vibrate out of his skin with pent up anticipation and worry and every negative emotion he could feel in a four hour span.

~ * ~

Derek brought Stiles a coffee when they met at the park by Stiles’ apartment.

Stiles accepted the coffee and sat on the bench. His leg wouldn’t stop bouncing up and down, no matter how he pressed on it. “Hey, so did Kate do anything to you today?”

“No.” Derek took the seat next to Stiles, put his hand on his knee and then pulled back. “She was tied up in meetings all day. Jerry, though, got arrested over lunch.”

“Oh?” Stiles tried to play at being surprised but Derek touched his leg again. “Okay, yeah. So I think it was Kate, but someone blew up my phone today with threats and things.”

“Are you okay?” The worried furrow that appeared between Derek’s brows was adorable, and before he could stop himself, Stiles reached out to smooth it away. Derek smiled at the gesture.

“I’m fine. I filed a report with the Sheriff’s Department. That’s probably why Jerry got arrested. It was probably his phone.”

“I’m sorry that I got you roped into this. I didn’t think that she’d try and go after you.”

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Stiles took a sip of the coffee. It was too sweet, but that was okay. There was plenty of time to teach Derek how he liked his coffee. “If she gets mad enough, she’s going to make mistakes. We can stop her with those mistakes.”

“Yeah but, I just don’t want one of her mistakes to be hurting you.”

“That’s so sweet.” To make his point, Stiles sipped at the coffee again. “Look, Derek, you knew she was possessive. It’s why you made yourself unavailable. Anything she does is on her. And your sister is a freaking deputy. Kate should know better than to mess with you.”

“And yet,” Derek murmured.  He set his hand on Stiles’ knee again, and Stiles realized that his leg wasn’t bouncing anymore. “I don’t want you to get hurt because of Kate, so I think we should back off the dating thing.”

“You think so? I mean, if Kate was mad enough to burn one of her associates because of one date, imagine how much damage she’ll do to herself the longer we ‘date.’”

“I guess.”

“Besides, I thought the date was actually kind of good. And if Jerry isn’t going to be around to interrupt us again, then all the more reason to do it again.”

Derek looked away. “I don’t want to trap you,” he said quietly. “I panicked when Kate demanded that I produce my boyfriend immediately. I saw you drawing, and I���I blanked. You were familiar and that’s why I picked you out. I’m sorry.”

Stiles managed to hook a finger under Derek’s chin and draw his gaze back. “I wouldn’t have agreed to date you if I hadn’t wanted to help out.”

“But it’s not real dating,” Derek said, bitterly.

“Doesn’t matter. It’s doing what it needs to do,” Stiles said, just as bitter. He was a little mad that Derek kept reminding him that it wasn’t real. Stiles wished it were, but he also didn’t know how to broach that subject, especially because it was officially only the second day they’d been dating. And how had his dad heard about it? Stiles hadn’t told him, hadn’t wanted to jeopardize whatever rapport he and Derek had. After all, it wouldn’t do for his dad to confront Derek and announce “About damn time.” Yeah, Stiles had been friendless for nearly three years after his childhood best friend Scott McCall had transferred to a school close to his grandmother after his mother was injured in a workplace accident and his dad couldn’t take him in.

In retrospect, it probably hadn’t been Stiles’ best idea to get drunk and confess to his dad that he was bisexual and crushing on the star of the basketball team. Surprisingly, his dad had taken it well and had taken to teasing Stiles about seeing Derek when he and Cora became friends.

Now it was a matter of time before Dad hunted down Derek and demanded to have a father-boyfriend talk with him. And knowing his dad, he would probably take the opportunity to embarrass Stiles with his long-standing crush. Nope. Better to keep them apart.

“Look, Kate was probably upset because Jerry reported what I said to him.”

Derek shot Stiles a scathing look. “You think I don’t know that? Why’d you tell him that anyway? It’s not like I do that. And especially not on the first date.”

“But that wasn’t supposed to have been our first date,” Stiles pointed out. “I mean, it went toward establishing our—your alibi to having been dating me for a while.”

Derek flushed, glaring at his lap. “I guess,” he mumbled, as close to a “You’re right” Stiles was likely to get.

It did not make him feel any better. He’d still used Derek, albeit in a way that had actually helped his case. Maybe. Still, Stiles felt skeevy, like Kate had crawled under his skin and jack-hammered the crudeness of declaring sexing up Derek Hale out of his mouth.

It was not a pleasant sensation.

“I am sorry about telling him that.”

Derek shrugged, and Stiles realized he was trying to play it cool. Why though? “It’s not that big of a deal. I mean, as you pointed out, if we’ve been dating for a while, it’s pretty obvious that we would have started having sex at some point.”

Or maybe not, Stiles thought, studying Derek’s suddenly green face. “Dude, are you sex-repulsed?”

“What?”

It was Stiles’ turn to shrug. “I don’t know. Like, the thought of sex, especially you having sex, makes you feel physically sick or something. Repulsed by the idea of sex.”

Derek looked thoughtful for a minute. “Maybe,” he finally said. “I guess. Cora just calls me asexual.”

“That’s probably a part of it.” And now Stiles felt even worse about telling Jerry that he and Derek were off to do the horizontal tango. Great. Guilt felt a lot like heartburn, except Stiles wouldn’t be able to chew a few antacids and have it go away. “So, I’ll understand if you really don’t want my help anymore.” Stiles bit off the rest, Not that I’ve been much help so far, because this really was not about him and he had actually helped even if it was just Kate throwing a tantrum.

“No. Kate probably smells blood,” Derek said. “She’ll probably double-down and I don’t know if I can deal with that alone.”

“Hey, you’re not alone,” Stiles hurried to assure him. “You’ve got Cora and you’ll still have me on your side even if you decide that the fake-dating isn’t working out.”

Derek seemed to think about that for a few minutes before nodding slowly. “Yeah. Okay. Hey thanks, Stiles.”

He leaned over, gave Stiles a one-armed hug, and then jumped to his feet. “I was wondering if you wanted to schedule another date now? Maybe Sunday night? There’s this really cool spot out in the preserve. Even better for looking at stars than this park. Would you like to go?”

Stiles couldn’t stop the smile or the skip in his heartbeat. “I’d love to,” he said, trying to force his tone not to jump. He wasn’t very successful but Derek didn’t seem to notice that he was unnecessarily happy for their next date. “Midnight picnic?”

“Sounds great. I’ll pack the food.”

“Okay, see you Sunday.”

Derek smiled and walked off.

Almost immediately the guilt came back, wriggling its way into his mind, spreading tendrils of doubt and disgust.

Stiles sighed, deflating down as he thought about just what he was doing. How could he survive a month of dating Derek, a month of “pretending” to be in love, and then break up like nothing happened?

How was he supposed to yell at Derek and make him un-date-able when Stiles was walking-breathing proof that someone wanted to date Derek?

He cursed himself for not asking out Derek earlier. Yes, Derek probably would have said no. It was his sister’s friend. They’d known each other since Stiles was a freshman and Derek was a senior in high school. It would have been weird, and Stiles would have been hurt by the rejection, but it surely would be better than this pseudo-relationship they were in.

Stiles needed advice, and he only knew one expert on Derek Hale. Well, only one that he was willing to talk to. Derek had another, older sister who still sometimes scared Stiles.

And there was no way Stiles was talking to either of Derek’s parents.

Nope. Cora was his go-to encyclopedia on her brother. Even after eight years.

He shot her a text, asking to meet to discuss personal things.

Her reply was almost immediate: told u

Which, no she hadn’t. She’d threatened his knees over text and then laughed her ass off when he told her face to face about dating Derek, because apparently her brother was indeed un-date-able and definitely some form of asexual. She revealed that he’d never even confessed crushes in high school.

“Sucks,” was what she’d said before she changed the subject to the upcoming Beacon Hills celebration days.

Well, told-you-so or not, Stiles still needed advice, and Cora was still going to give it to him, whether she wanted to or not.

~ * ~

Well, being adults kind of got in the way, and Stiles had papers due that he worked on all day Saturday, and Cora had a double shift at the station, so it wasn’t until Sunday afternoon that their schedules finally managed to line up enough for him to crash into her room and fall onto her bed, spilling out the whole story, leaving nothing out. Before, he’d only told her that he was going to be dating her brother as an experiment, per Derek, not him.

“You did what now?” Cora asked for the third time.

“I agreed to fake-date Derek even though I am in love with him,” Stiles dutifully repeated for the third time.

“Why would you do that?”

Finally. A different question.

Stiles shrugged. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see how uncomfortable he was. And Kate wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Derek told me that she’s targeted other men like him and that she always gets away with it because she files reports first.”

Cora narrowed her eyes. “Reports like what?”

“Rape and assault.”

“Jesus fuck, really?”

Stiles nodded.

“So you were helping him?”

“More like he panicked, picked me out so that he wasn’t ‘available,’ and then I agreed to keep up the charade.”

“And now you’re here,” Cora confirmed. “In love with my brother and fake-dating him.”

“Yep.”

“So is the public dumping still on?”

“Is Kate in custody yet?” Stiles countered. Cora glared at him. “Then yes. Yes it is.”

“Well that’s fantastic. Are you planning on telling my brother that you’re in love with him?”

“Ah, no. I was actually hoping that avoiding that particular problem might make it go away.”

Cora blew out a breath through her nose. Secretly, Stiles agreed. He didn’t think this was a problem that time would solve. In fact, the longer he let Derek believe that he was just helping him out instead of trying to save up as many memories of dating Derek as possible, the more their separation was going to hurt. Stiles knew he could heal from a broken heart because he’d done it before. He’d just never had to heal from his first crush.

And he didn’t want to. Selfishly, he wanted Derek to realize that dating Stiles was the best thing ever and they would never break up. Mopey, he voiced this sentiment to Cora.

“Well, you could always confess your feelings to, you know, the object of your feelings.” Stiles vigorously shook his head. “Then, something else you can do is just never break up with him. Eventually he’ll have to realize that you’re dating.”

And then Stiles would get promptly broken up with.

“We need to remove the threat of Kate,” Stiles said. “Without the excuse of why we’re dating, I can maybe ask him out again properly.”

“So how do you get rid of Kate?” Cora asked.

Stiles thought for a few minutes. “Well, she blew up my phone with threats after learning that Derek and I were ‘going to have sex.’” He aggressively shoved his air quotes in Cora’s face in an attempt to ward off any smacks or grossed out reactions she might have to him fucking her brother.

Cora fell over laughing. “Derek? Having sex?” She was practically hooting, and while Stiles understood the sentiment, it still stung.

“Hardy har har,” he intoned. “Yes, me having sex with your asexual brother is so fucking funny.”

Cora swallowed her laughs and sat up. “I’m sorry. That was really mean. It’s just, growing up with Derek gives me a perspective that maybe you’ll get to learn someday. There’s no way Derek’s having sex any time soon. In fact, if he ever has sex, I’ll buy you a diamond ring.”

“The diamond market is an evil industry and I won’t be a party to its support.”

“Jesus, Stilinski, it’s just an expression. I’m never going to actually buy you a ring of any kind.” She paused, staring into space, before a gleam came into her eyes. Stiles did not like that look. That look got him in trouble for boosting his dad’s whiskey sophomore year, leading to his bisexual confession. That look got them busted for sneaking into the only bar in Beacon Hills that didn’t card minors but called their parents.

That look was going to be the death of him one day, and while he might protest the whole way, he was still going to do whatever it was that gave Cora that look.

“What if you could incite Kate into giving herself up just by doing something really simple?” Cora asked, far more innocently than whatever she had planned.

“And how can I do that?” Stiles returned, apprehensively.

“By proposing.”

“To Kate?”

Cora hit his arm lightly. “No, idiot,” she said affectionately. “To Derek.” Stiles stared at her, incredulous. “I mean,” she rolled her eyes, “instead of breaking up with him, propose to him. Publicly so that Kate gets wind of it right away. I’ll be there so I can arrest her if she tries anything.”

“It’s been a day,” Stiles said. “If I propose now, Derek will think I’m crazy.”

“You can always ask him out again. Right now, isn’t it more important to get rid of Kate? As long as she’s around, your relationship will always be about keeping her away from Derek. Without that threat, Derek would be more open to dating you.”

“If he forgives me,” Stiles muttered.

Cora waved away his concern. “I’ll make sure he still likes you after.”

“Wait, he likes me now?”

Cora snorted. “No. He doesn’t like anyone. It’s Derek. You remember him from high school.”

“I remember him being really hot and me being too chickenshit to talk to him.”

“Well, you’re certainly not shy now,” Cora pointed out. She stood up and grabbed something off her dresser. She tossed it at Stiles, and he juggled it before she plopped down next to him again.

“What is this?” Stiles knew it was a ring box. Why Cora had given it to him, he didn’t understand. Was he supposed to use this ring to propose to Derek?

Cora opened the box, revealing a simple silver band set with a single black stone. “Zirconium,” Cora explained. “Not a real diamond.”

“Suits you,” Stiles said, because it did. Cora had had a goth phase in high school, and the only reason she probably still didn’t wear all black was because of her job. And that was only because Beacon County deputies wore brown uniforms.

She didn’t paint her nails or wear heavy makeup but that was probably because Cora was Newton’s First Law embodied—a body at rest will stay at rest even if that body wants to have heavy eyeliner and black fingernails.

“And this ring won’t be weird to propose to your brother with?” Stiles asked. He couldn’t see Derek wearing any jewelry. Hell, he never saw him wear his class ring even after agonizing about getting it.

“Well, it’s not like you’re really proposing. You’re just trying to get Kate off his back long enough for me to find something to charge her with.”

“And you’ll definitely be there?”

“How do you think Derek is getting there?” Cora paused. “You are proposing at the mall, right?”

“It is the most public place in Beacon Hills, and Derek did want it to be public.”

“Good. Okay, so I’ll make sure Kate is there to witness it.” She closed the ring box. “Stiles, Derek might say yes if he feels pressured, like if he sees Kate, so if you’re expecting him to break up on the spot, he might not.”

“I’m already fucked,” Stiles said, tucking the ring box into his pocket. “It’s not like I can fall anymore in love with him.”

“Don’t speak your own prophecy,” Cora said. “I’ll do my part, but Derek can’t know that I suggested the proposal. He’d never forgive me.”

“Oh, so it’s okay if he hates me after?” Stiles asked, just a little bitter. Derek was Cora’s brother. He’d eventually be okay with her. Stiles, though, wasn’t family, and as soon as he’d outlived his usefulness, Derek would have no obligation to keep in contact with him. It sucked that this was Stiles’ dream but Derek’s nightmare.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t hate you forever,” Cora promised.

Time would tell if it was an empty promise.

“Okay, so, should I have a script or do you want to leave it up to chance?”

“Words,” Cora immediately replied, retrieving a notebook and pen from under the bed. She flipped to a blank page and wrote at the top: Stiles’s Proposal Speech.

Then, she sat and tapped her pen on the paper for about five minutes.

“Can’t think of anything?” Stiles asked. “Like, maybe I should mention that even though it’s been such a short time, I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him? Or is that too much?”

“Might be a bit much for Derek, but it’s perfect for Kate.” Cora wrote it down. “Got anything else?”

Stiles had plenty of other ideas, years of observing and loving Derek from afar was enlightening, but he didn’t want to burn everything on this proposal that wasn’t even going to be real. So he only gave Cora a few more ideas, checked his phone for the time, and made the excuse of having to get ready for the date with Derek to escape.

Cora didn’t respond, too busy stringing together his ideas into what was certainly going to be a melodramatic, eloquent speech.

Stiles would collect it tomorrow, and then he and Cora would set the trap for Kate. It felt like trapping Derek too.

And Stiles was not okay with that.

It was one thing for Derek to claim him as a boyfriend to try to escape Kate’s persistence, but it was another thing entirely to trap Derek in that lie by proposing and having Kate there. Of course, Stiles could always take it back after Kate was arrested, but that was if Kate reacted the way they expected her to. If she didn’t, and Derek still was pressured to say yes, then Stiles thought he was no better than Kate.

He took a deep breath, took out his phone to text Derek to cancel tonight, and saw a message from Derek.

Just wanted to say, really looking forward to tonight. I really like hanging out with you, and I’m so thankful you’re here.

Stiles paused, mind spinning. Derek liked him? He would have given anything in high school for Derek to acknowledge him, but now, it felt cheapened.

Can’t wait 2, Stiles texted back. And that was not what he needed to say, but he figured he could think about it and talk to Derek tonight. Maybe they wouldn’t even need Cora’s plan if Kate realized that they were going on a date to an isolated area.

But that sounded like a great way to get murdered by her without having backup.

Stiles shook his head. He didn’t even know what was right anymore. Get rid of Kate by proposing to Derek? Don’t propose to Derek?

Either way, he wanted one last date with Derek before the shit hit the fan. He’d make tonight the best that he could and then if Derek decided to break contact after tomorrow, then Stiles could subsist on the what-if of a relationship with Derek with reality sprinkled in.

Life was going to suck so much, but Stiles was used to it. Mostly.

~ * ~

He and Derek met at the entrance to the preserve, and Stiles scoffed at the “No Entry After Dark” sign. The Hales had installed it after a few too many teens got caught out there, having the kind of fun their parents didn’t want them to have.

It was a lame measure, easily navigable, except for the stretched chain that meant they couldn’t take any vehicles with them.

Derek hefted a basket that must have held the midnight picnic, and Stiles lifted the chain so he could duck under it. It gave him the perfect opportunity to ogle Derek’s ass, but he couldn’t enjoy it. Guilt was choking down most of his other emotions and, not for the first time, he was thinking it had been a grave mistake to come here.

Even worse was there was no cell phone service out here so he couldn’t even send an SOS text to Cora.

It wasn’t long before Derek made him forget about his misgivings. They lied on a blanket, looking up at the stars. Which were definitely more visible without the light pollution of Beacon Hills.

It wasn’t Stiles’ intention, but he found himself talking about his webcomic, about the adventures the characters were on. Turned out Derek was a big fan, had read it from the start.

“Don’t be mad,” he prefaced his confession. “Cora told me all about it back when you first started posting it. I liked it enough to keep coming back.”

Stiles smiled. He didn’t mind. He hadn’t sworn Cora to secrecy until after the comic had taken off and gained Internet fame. It was actually a relief that Derek had seen the comic and hadn’t made the connection that Malcolm was based on him.

Before he quite knew it, they’d been there for three hours, and Derek was dozing, head on his shoulder.

Stiles nudged him. “Should we go home?” he asked, thinking of the sign at the entrance of the preserve.

Derek yawned, snuggling closer. “Don’t wanna move,” he mumbled.

“We should though,” Stiles said. “I’m sure that even your parents don’t want you out here all night.”

Derek sighed before sitting up. “You’re right. Come on. We can crash at my parents if we’re too tired to drive home. They live just off the side of the preserve.”

Stiles wasn’t sure if he should take Derek up on that offer, but he had to admit that it was really nice to have Derek next to him as he fell asleep. And just like that the guilt was back.

“I should get back to my apartment. I have class tomorrow.”

“And you let me have a late date?” Derek asked, incredulous.

Stiles shrugged. “I really like hanging out with you. It’s not a big deal, and it’s not like I’d already be in bed anyway.”

“Still, I don’t want to get in the way of your schooling. Or your interests. You don’t have to go on dates with me. It’s not like Kate’s watching us that closely.”

Stiles grunted in agreement. Except, the minute they were back on the access road and had service again, both their phones dinged with incoming messages.

Stiles had several texts from an unknown number and two voicemails. Derek frowned down at his phone. Stiles punched in his voicemail.

Cora.

“Stiles, where the fuck are you? Don’t go back to your apartment. We got a call out. Fire was dispatched. Kate Argent—not proven of course—just burned your apartment down. Call me back now.”

Sent almost an hour ago.

Stiles turned to Derek, and he was ashen, his own phone to his ear. Faintly, Stiles could hear someone screaming over the speaker.

“Are you okay?”

Derek nodded, but he didn’t move even when the message either stopped or dropped to a volume Stiles could no longer hear.

Stiles dialed Cora’s number, putting her on speaker. “Stiles! Where the fuck are you?”

“I’m at the preserve,” he answered, “with Derek. We’re both okay.”

“Stay right there. The Sheriff is sending a deputy out to you.”

“What’s up with my apartment? Someone burned it down?”

Cora blew out a breath. “We won’t know until the arson investigator takes a look at it. We were able to save most of the building, but you’ll have to file reports with your insurance.”

“That’s just great.” Stiles sighed, running a hand over his head and tugging at his hair. “Thanks for doing that, Cora.”

“Don’t thank me yet. Just get in your car and lock the doors. The deputy should be where you are in less than half an hour. And keep Derek with you.”

Derek moved to lean over Stiles’ phone. “Why?”

Cora blew out a breath. “We’ve found some disturbing imagery at the scene,” she said. “You’re both not safe.”

“Cora, I got some messages from Kate, I think. It was a little hard to understand what she was saying. I’ll pass on the messages when the deputy gets here.”

Someone spoke to Cora, their words coming through the line like a heavy blur. Stiles thought he recognized his dad’s voice though.

“Okay, so the Sheriff wants you to go to the Sheriff’s Station. Someone will meet you there to take copies of the messages you’ve both received.”

“Both?” Stiles asked. He hadn’t mentioned the messages he’d gotten. How had she guessed?

“Both,” Cora repeated. “Look, if this is Kate, she’s escalating and quickly. Stiles, you had those messages from before. I would be surprised if you hadn’t gotten more. Now, get in your car and start driving. We have no idea where Kate is, and for all we know, she found out where you are. Get in your car, lock your doors, and start driving. Don’t stop until you’re at the Sheriff’s Station and a deputy can escort you in.”

“And I guess you want us to stay on the line?” Stiles took Derek’s hand, leading him to his Jeep.

“Preferably, yes,” Cora answered. “Are you in your vehicle yet?”

“Yep.” Doors were locked too. Derek buckled his seat belt, setting the basket down by his feet. Stiles buckled his own belt and turned the key in the ignition.

The headlights came on and Stiles swallowed back a yelp. Derek next to him wasn’t as lucky.

“What?!” Cora cried. “What’s going on?”

Kate Argent was standing in the headlights. How they hadn’t seen her, Stiles didn’t know. He threw the Jeep in reverse and punched the accelerator.

Kate lumbered after them, raising her hand to throw something after them.

Derek yelled again when glass shattered over the hood of the Jeep, fire spreading with it.

“We’re on fire!” Stiles yelled into his phone.

“What?!”

“She threw a fucking Molotov cocktail or some shit at us.”

“And now you’re on fire?!”

“Yes!” Stiles shifted to drive and stood on the accelerator. “Where is she?” he asked Derek.

“I don’t know. I didn’t see. I think she pulled off after she threw that thing. Are we okay to keep driving even though we’re on fire?”

“No!” Cora answered. Stiles ignored her, pressing the gas a little harder. “Stop driving! Get out and hide! We’re all coming to get you!”

“I’m not letting that bitch get her hands on us or my Jeep.”

Quietly, Cora asked, “Even if it ends up costing you both your lives?”

“Here she comes!” Derek shouted.

Out of the corner of his eye, Stiles saw headlights aiming right for them. He jerked the wheel, switching to the brake. The whole Jeep shuddered and the brakes squealed as he executed a sharp turn. The vehicle, looked like a two door car of some kind, missed them by inches.

“We’re heading west from the preserve, back to town. Kate’s still chasing us.”

“And are you still on fire?”

Derek unbuckled his seat belt and shrugged out of his jacket. Stiles bumped the Jeep up onto the pavement and slowed. Derek leaned out of his rolled-down window and beat at the flames with his jacket.

After a few tense moments where Kate came barreling out of the preserve and turned on to the road, tires screeching, the flames were out, and Derek was back inside, buckled up again.

“No,” Stiles said. “Not on fire anymore. But Kate’s chasing us, and I hate to say it, she’ll probably catch us. My Jeep is not the fastest thing on the road.”

“We’re coming to you. Do not deviate.”

Already, Stiles could see flashing lights up ahead. Behind them, Kate slowed and then turned off.

“She’s not with us anymore,” he announced.

“Good,” Cora said. “Keep driving. You’ll have a police escort to the Station. We’ll put your car in the evidence garage so it won’t be left unattended. Are you both okay?”

Stiles nodded, mentally checking himself over. Yeah. He was fine. He turned to ask Derek the same question and realized that Derek was not okay. He was hyperventilating, shaky and pale, soot smudged over his face, his jacket forgotten over his lap.

“Uh, negative. Think we’ve got a panic attack going on. Will need assistance ASAP.”

“You or Derek?”

“Derek.”

“Roger that. Just keep driving. Help is just a little farther.”

Stiles put the worry about what Kate was doing right now in the back of his mind and focused on reaching the deputies, parking and unbuckling Derek’s seatbelt so that the first deputy to reach them could just open the door and pull Derek out onto the pavement.

Stiles climbed out, grabbing onto another deputy, who was really the Sheriff.

“You’re okay,” Stiles’ dad said, leading him to a cruiser. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Stiles gestured at Derek, still surrounded by deputies. “We saw Kate. She found us when we got back to the Jeep. We were on the phone with Cora ‘cause my apartment got burned down?”

“Not fully down,” his dad said. “The fire department responded quickly enough that they were able to save the building, but your stuff is probably another matter.”

“Well, fire must be Kate’s choice of weapon for the night because she threw something at my Jeep and suddenly, we were on fire.” Stiles’ phone trilled sharply and he pulled it up to his ear. “Hello?”

“Did you reach the deputies?” Cora asked. “We got disconnected.”

“Yeah, my dad found us.” Stiles craned his neck, trying to see how Derek was doing. His view was blocked by at least three deputies. Another two were inspecting Stiles’ Jeep. “I don’t know how Derek’s doing. He was having a panic attack last I knew.”

“Was it Kate Argent?”

“Yes. She pulled off when she saw the lights. I don’t know if she’ll go home or if she’s lying in wait somewhere.”

“Well, for safety reasons, the Sheriff will probably have you stay somewhere with a guard.”

“Great. Well. Thanks for everything. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Cora drew in a breath like she was going to say something else but then all she said was, “Bye.”

“We’ve got a hotel room for you,” Dad said, taking Stiles’ shoulder and leading him to where one of the deputies was sitting with his arm around Derek. “Isaac is going to stay with you to make sure that Kate Argent doesn’t attack you.” The deputy with his arm around Derek half-waved at Stiles.

“And how are we getting there?”

“I’m driving,” Isaac said. “We can’t risk Argent seeing either of your vehicles and attacking you again.”

“And what about my Jeep? Cora mentioned putting it in the evidence garage?”

“Absolutely. We have a few deputies going to retrieve Derek’s Camaro just in case Kate Argent attacked his things like she did yours.” Dad takes Stiles’ keys

Stiles and Derek were stashed in the back of a cruiser and whisked to the station.

A few hours later after their statements and a preliminary search for Kate, Isaac the deputy and Isaac’s partner, Boyd, drove Stiles and Derek to a motel in Hill Valley.

Before he left to patrol the area, Boyd handed Stiles a lump of something. “We think this may have been the trigger for Kate’s aggression tonight,” he said, cutting a quick glance to where Derek was huddled on one of the beds. “I’m so sorry for what she’s putting you through.”

Stiles just nodded and then threw the deadbolt as soon as the door shut.

He checked his phone and noticed that Kate hadn’t sent any more messages to him. Good.

The lump Boyd had handed him weighed heavier on his soul than his palm and he squeezed it tightly. It was Cora’s ring. Kate had attacked them because she thought Stiles was going to propose to Derek. Which he had been. That had been the plan.

He sighed and stuck it in his pocket. Derek’s phone buzzed, and Derek flinched but didn’t otherwise move to answer it.

“May I?” Stiles asked when it buzzed again. Derek shrugged, handing him it, swiping his thumb over the back to unlock it.

Stiles opened the messaging app. Eighty-five texts. Eighty of them from Kate. The phone buzzed again, three times in quick succession. Make that eighty-three texts from Kate. Stiles jumped to the texts from Cora.

Don’t come home

Got camaro to garage leaving keys with sheriff

Plz call asap

Tell me ur both okay

Derek?

The time stamp on Cora’s texts meant that they’d already touched base with her after she sent the texts, so Stiles moved on to Kate’s messages.

All of them threatening and graphic.

Apparently Kate really wanted to eviscerate Stiles, pull all his bowels out, and while he was suffering, she wanted to rape Derek next to his dying corpse. She even had attached a picture of herself fucking the bottle she’d thrown at his Jeep.

Stiles promptly called his father, asked for someone to collect Derek’s phone, and then spent the next fifteen minutes trying to offer what little comfort he could to Derek.

“She isn’t going to stop, is she?” Derek asked. He was ashen, still shaken from his panic attack.

There were no words to say that would assuage him. And after a deputy had taken Derek’s phone, which had received several more graphic and certainly disturbing texts from Kate, Stiles handed Derek one of the toothbrushes Deputy Isaac had left for them, and then lied on his bed and didn’t sleep.

~ * ~

Dad called bright and early, and Derek’s phone was returned shortly after. Bad news all around: Kate hadn’t been found and had been using a now-disconnected burner phone, so all they had were her texts to Derek, and that one graphic picture. Nothing else to go by.

Derek was shaking too hard after that call that Stiles had gone down to the corner store, using techniques his dad had taught him to slip a tail, used the ancient and only payphone in all of Beacon County to anonymously dial Derek’s workplace and let them know he had taken ill. He also took the opportunity to call his professors and ask for a week off to deal with the fact that his apartment had burned. He was trying not to think about all the things he’d lost, like his physical copies of his webcomic or the quilt his great-grandmother had made for his mother when she was a baby.

Then, Stiles went back to the motel, taking a long and meandering way again, and prayed that Kate hadn’t seen him.

Derek wasn’t any better after lunch, even though it was Cora’s shift with them, and she spent all of it huddled on the bed with him.

“Before we met,” Cora said suddenly, “Derek had a stalker. He was a friend of our sister Laura. About a year after they met, he took Derek. There’s this old root cellar in the preserve. Laura had shown him it so that they could have peace and quiet away from the brats, as she called us then. He took Derek out there.”

Derek shuddered, pressing against Cora’s side.

“We had therapy for years and years. In fact, I think Derek still goes.” He nodded when she patted his arm. “The cops never caught him.” A hard glint came to her eye. “He’s buried out there in the root cellar. Or he was. It’s blocked off now anyway. Our uncle Peter still has five years before he can seek parole.”

That explained why Derek was so shaken. Stiles would be too if an event like what had happened during his childhood had repeated itself.

It also explained his urgency in picking out Stiles and calling attention to the fact that he was with someone. It hadn’t worked to dissuade Kate, but Stiles would make damn sure that it would be her downfall.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing the ring off the night stand next to his bed, “what if we lay a trap for Kate? Make sure the deputies can find her?”

He opened the box. The ring was still intact even if Kate had burned the box itself. Derek looked at the ring. “A proposal?” he asked, weakly.

Stiles nodded. “It’s why she snapped.” Guiltily, he explained about their previous idea of catching Kate when Stiles would propose. Now, things had changed. Kate had escalated far faster than any of them could have predicted. “If we go somewhere public where we can hide a bunch of deputies in the crowd, then we can lure her out and she can be arrested,” Stiles said.

“That could work,” Cora agreed. “We already know that she’s got a bunch of burner phones because she keeps contacting Derek’s phone. We’re trying to run traces on them, but it’s not really working.”

“How would you lure her?” Derek asked. When neither Cora nor Stiles said anything, he huffed. “Is she still contacting Stiles too?”

Stiles checked his phone. He’s gotten a text from each of the burner phones, but he wasn’t paying attention to it, too worried about Derek to worry about himself. Or too arrogant. Trying to keep his mind off what’s already been done to him. “Yeah. I have texts from unknown numbers.”

Cora read a few of them. “She’s definitely threatening to kill you.”

“So, here’s how you lure her: you send a mass text to everyone in your contacts except me or me too, doesn’t matter. It’s not like she knows it. And you say that you’re planning on proposing but you want a flash mob of familiar faces for support.”

Stiles stared at Derek. “That’s brilliant. It just might work.”

“Kate will know that there will be other people there,” Cora butted in. “She might not fall for it.”

Stiles picked out a text and showed it to her. In the text, Kate had described how she was going to flay him open and set his insides on fire. “I don’t think she cares about a crowd. She’ll probably show up with a gun and try shooting.”

“Let me run this plan by the Sheriff. He’ll probably want to get state police involved.”

“Tell them to wear sneakers and no watches. No visible ear pieces,” Stiles said. “I’ve seen enough pictures of undercover cops to know that they’re easily spotted a mile away. They need to blend in. Lives, more than just ours, are at stake if Kate has a weapon.”

“Just hang tight,” Cora said, phone already up to her ear. Someone rapped at the door. “That’ll be Boyd. We’ll call you with details, but just hang tight. Love you, Derek. Like you, Stiles. Don’t worry about anything, and don’t do anything without backup.”

She let Boyd in and hurried away, barking at the Sheriff. Stiles knew his dad would appreciate the information, but probably not the plan. He hoped Cora told him it was Derek’s idea.

Boyd held out his hand, and Stiles surrendered his phone.

Then, because there was nothing else to do, he pushed Derek aside and lied next to him on the bed. Eventually, he managed to drop off to sleep, mostly because Derek turned on his side, put his head on his shoulder, and weighed him down.

It was dark when Stiles woke up, and Isaac was the deputy watching them.

“The Sheriff wanted you to know that the operation has been planned for tomorrow at 1300 hours. He also wants you to know that he loves you and that he and Deputy Hale will be your escorts during the operation.”

Next to Stiles, Derek yawned widely before snuggling back down.

“Can I send the text now?” Stiles asked.

Isaac shook his head. “A text has been sent for you.”

Great, more waiting. And Stiles didn’t even have his sketchpad so he couldn’t exactly distract himself. Something else lost in the fire.

“Thank you, Isaac,” Derek prompted.

Stiles rolled his eyes and dutifully repeated the words. Then, Isaac settled in the corner, staring at nothing in particular. Derek tugged at Stiles’ arm.

“Wanna try spooning,” was all he said when Stiles looked at him. Then, he flopped over, ass pressed against Stiles’ crotch, one of Stiles’ arms over his waist, curled right above his dick. It was surprisingly intimate, especially for someone who possibly was sex repulsed, like Derek, so Stiles worked at keeping his breathing even as he experimentally threw a leg over Derek.

He hummed a little, kicked it back over and then drew it between his own legs. “Better.”

Better for Derek maybe, better for an accidental boner for Stiles. Hopefully Derek wouldn’t mind the imminent erection.

Might as well enjoy the whole experience, Stiles thought a little desperately, dropping his head to nose at the back of Derek’s neck. Derek shivered from the contact but didn’t voice any complaints, so Stiles kept his face there.

He wished it were real, and maybe that was why he didn’t fall asleep again until Derek accidentally rolled out of his arms during the wee morning hours.

~ * ~

Stiles climbed out of his Jeep, his dad hopping out of the passenger seat. Cora was driving Derek’s Camaro with Derek riding shotgun.

Derek looked pale again, nervous. He’d woken up and refused any and all touches. He’d only waved a little when Cora collected him about thirty minutes before Stiles’ dad had shown up with the Jeep.

They’re at the mall, and while a lot of Stiles’ actual contacts had regretfully informed him that they had work or school and couldn’t attend, they wished him the best. The deputies and state police officers had taken Stiles’ advice and were near indistinguishable from the regular shoppers.

“What’s the timeframe again?” Stiles asked his dad, just for something to do.

“You go in, walk around for about ten minutes, and then get to the food court—it’s been shut down for ‘repairs.’ Get on one knee, say something pretty to Derek, and we’ll grab Kate if she’s around. We might get her before then too.”

Stiles had checked his phone in the morning and had a text from one of Kate’s burners: see u there :) so she was definitely aware and at least planning something.

Derek joined them at the entrance where Dad loudly announced his plans to visit that one store that looked like a hunter’s wet dream.

“Turner’s Outdoorsman,” Stiles muttered when he marched off. “It’s called Turner’s Outdoorsman.”

“Might as well be a hunter’s wet dream,” Cora remarked. She glanced around, a casual casing to see if they’d been spotted yet. “I have to get a present for Mom. See you at the meeting place.”

Derek grabbed onto Stiles’ hand as soon as she vanished into the crowd.

“I don’t like this,” he said under his breath.

“Neither do I, but I don’t see another option to getting Kate to stop unless you want to break out your uncle and let him do what he does.”

“There’s an idea.”

“I’m not serious.”

“I wish I wasn’t.”

They walked slowly, window shopping. Derek pointed out a few things that his sisters liked, and a telescope that he wanted. He was saving up for it, and though his job paid well, it sucked so much joy out of his life. “I don’t know that it’s even just Kate,” he told Stiles as they walked past a cluster of deputies, Boyd and Isaac the only ones Stiles can identify, enjoying hot pretzels.

“Those look good,” Stiles said. The deputies had been good about bringing them food, but at the motel, Stiles had been a little too nervous to eat much. Now he’s starving.

Derek wrinkled his nose at the cheese sauce, but he bought a pretzel for Stiles.

“It’s true love,” Stiles declared, dunking his pretzel and stuffing a third of it in his mouth at once.

“Twoo wuv,” Derek began quoting, and Stiles choked on his pretzel. And then, their ten minutes was up.

“Wanna check out the food court?” Stiles asked, false casualness.

Derek shrugged. “Sure, why not? Seeing you scarf that monstrosity actually made me a little peckish.”

They arrived at the food court, and Stiles pretended to be disappointed that it was closed. They could still walk through and sit at the tables, but there was caution tape littered everywhere.

It wasn’t a very romantic spot for proposals, but it was the most open and empty place in the mall right now, plus there were a few pillars that could provide emergency cover if they needed it.

Could also hide Kate, but the undercover officers swarmed the court from all angles. There was nowhere for Kate to hide now.

Derek pretended to be interested in picking up the tape while Stiles pulled out the ring, in a new box, and dropped to one knee. He waited for Derek to notice him, and when he didn’t, he cleared his throat.

Derek turned, and then, suddenly he didn’t seem to be acting anymore. His eyes filled with tears as he stared at Stiles, knelt down in the middle of an empty food court.

“Derek Hale, we’ve been dating for long enough. I know you, and I know you make me happy. I know I never want to see another day without your bright smile and charming wit in it.”

Stiles almost broke down there because he realized that he wasn’t pretending either. If he was really proposing to Derek, these were the words he’d use.

He rambled on a little bit about love and what Derek meant to him, and then he asked, “Will you marry me?”

Derek nodded, almost frantically, all but running to lift Stiles off the ground in a hug. Stiles barely noticed the commotion in the background because he and Derek were kissing. Derek’s wet face was pressed to his, their hands tangled together.

When they finally pulled apart, several of the deputies were hauling away a fighting and snarling Kate Argent. She’d dyed her honey-blonde hair dark brown and a pair of glasses were askew across her face, but it was definitely her.

“We’ll make sure her bail is too high to get out,” Dad promised them. He nodded to the ring. “Congratulations. You’re good for each other. Hope to have you over for dinner soon.”

Cora waved at them too. “I’ll text you later. Give me details, but not too many. I want to be your best man, Stiles.”

Stiles stared after them, a little shocked. “They do know that that was part of the plan, right?” he asked Derek.

Derek plucked out the ring. “Doesn’t matter if it was. It’s real now.” He slid the ring on his finger, admiring it. “You’re stuck with me now.”

Stiles barked out a startled laugh. “I think you’ll find that it is you who is stuck with me,” he countered. Soberly, he asked, “Do you want it to be real? Because Derek, I really do love you. I really would like to marry you. I’ve had too many tastes to say I can give you up. Besides, the agreement was only for a public dumping to get Kate away from you.” He pointed at the retreating group of deputies, Kate Argent in their midst, still fighting. “She’s going to be very far away from you now.”

“How about this answer?”

Stiles turned to Derek because that wasn’t an answer at all, and gets another kiss. A little drier this time until Derek pokes him with his tongue.

“Thought you didn’t kiss people you don’t know well,” Stiles joked.

Derek just grinned at him. “I spooned with you. I took you to my spot to star gaze,” he protested. “If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”

Stiles took Derek’s hand and led him out to the parking lot. And that ring looked damn fine sitting on Derek’s finger.

 ~ Three Months Later ~

They kept the engagement, did the rounds with the parents and celebrations. They even had a registry for their wedding. Just a few bottles of champagne to toast with. They were also moving in together at the end of the month.

And they had gone on several dates. Derek had even written a full length novel based on Stiles’ webcomic.

Currently, they were out in the preserve, lying on a blanket, Derek’s brand new telescope set up behind them while Derek pointed up at the stars, explaining the constellations again. To Stiles, they still looked like dots, pinpricks in the dark velvet of the night.

He raised himself up on one elbow. “Hey, so what happens when the stars do align? Is there some kind of cosmic energy?”

Derek shook his head. “They’re all dead or dying. They’re so far away, and we won’t know if maybe when they align, it’s because one is killing another, or they’re merging or something. Not for billions of years, anyway.”

“Well, I know what happens on Earth when the stars align.”

Derek glanced at him, raised an eyebrow. “What?” he asked. The little furrow of consternation was beautiful. Derek was beautiful.

Stiles leaned over him and slotted their mouths together. “This,” he whispered into the warmth of Derek’s lips.

For a long moment Derek didn’t move or respond. And then, just as Stiles went to pull away, he dragged him down so that now their legs were tangled. He’d become a lot more bold, more willing to test the waters, as it were.

“You asshole,” he said, smiling. “The stars didn’t align for that.”

“They could have,” Stiles retorted. He could argue his point all night, but he’d rather kiss Derek. And it seemed like Derek agreed with that plan.

On Derek’s finger, the ring glinted as brilliantly as the brightest star. Maybe the stars hadn’t aligned for this, but Stiles thanked them all the same as he managed to make Derek gasp his name to them.

~ End ~

[kuronekonerochan]

Very messy thoughts about a very messy kdrama: Melting Me Softly

Overall:

I loved the premise...it looked like the kind of ridiculous over the top kdrama that could make for an interesting entertaining watch...unfortunately it is just badly executed. It doesn't know what it wants to be. The action syfy part is confusing, there is no emotional weigh over the tragedy of losing 20 years of life on the part of the Male Lead, although we feel it with the FL(who, by the way, is the only good part of the drama as far as acting goes, despite having little to work with), and even the jokes don't land because the supposed funny side characters are either too annoying and terrible people or they are too pathetic and I pity them instead of finding any of it funny (like the scenes with his family).

Melting me softly is a mess. Honestly with only just how all over the place the pilot was most ppl would have drop it then, but ji chang wook is soooo pretty and it's his comeback after military, still.... lord, is the drama bad. 

The syfy element is a mess, the characters are all shallow and unlikable in the few scenes we had with them so far (except the FL who seems nice enough but hasn't had that much to do yet).

The Characters:

 JCW is surprisingly unlikable for me and it's not even that he's the cliche jerk. Surprisingly it’s even worse because he’s just boring as a character. He’s not nice, but he doesn’t go out of his way to be cruel so that he can be redeemable later.

Nope, he’s just arrogant and entitled and he interacts with everyone mostly by casting judgmental side eye and being kind of uninterested in anyone else. Not in a charming megalo centric  way (like the Lead from What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim, who was a good person despite his ego), but in a dismissive everyday style that makes him all the more unlikable. What’s worse is that it’s even more evident with his family, who are problematic and a bit clingly and “golddigging/leaching” but still they seem to like each other enough in their own weird way. The lead though, treats his family coldly, like a disgusted spectator and it’s hard to watch. There is no chemistry between him and the rest of the cast because the character treats everyone like they’re not worthy of his respect.

That scene where the leads meet and she’s upset over losing 20 years of her life? -  I automatically went: *eyeroll Ugh, Men... It's not all about you everytime. You convinced her, effed up her life, own it and stop making excuses! The right thing to do is apologize and shut the f up!

The side characters, as I said are all either pathetic or terrible people, with the exception of the female lead’s family, who seem to be in a different, better acted drama. The shift in tone is jarring.

The Plot:

The plot is a complete mess and the main conflict so far is stupid. His producing team (that ended up convincing his gf) decided to hush things up in the past because outrage, audience ratings, yada yada and that's it! Yet it’s super confusing bc it seems like they are hiding what they did from him and scheming behind his back, while at the same time it's obvious he knows they threw him under the bus back them, so where’s the conflict? Also it's petty and the real villains involved with the cryoproject and the attack on the scientist are still just a vague concept that the drama clearly wont go into anytime soon, so it all seems like filler. 

To top it all, last episode's cliffhanger is about their previous romantic interests (who are now in their 40s) reconnecting when one of them is married and the other cover up the ML's disappearance, so it's all just more annoying filler I have no interest in watching...

The production design/ technical aspects:

The technical aspects are also bad, especially the editing...scenes are chopped off and put together and seem cut short or pointless. Time is also weird, they mix office scenes with home scenes from ML and random FL scenes without parallels and it's impossible to make out when the days start and end. It's been a while since I saw such messy execution from the production. Usually it's stuff like plot or characters or acting that bothers me, at most camera work, but here it really is the production as a whole. 

What I meant by parallels is that when you are starting to tell a narrative with two leads from their separate povs before they are onscreen together, there's usually an editing order:

Both leads wake up, both leads wander away. Ok so far. Both leads reconnect with family. Scene of FL at home with family followed by scene with ML with family. New day starts. Day 1: looking for answers: contacting the police, talking to the last ppl involved in the experience, etc. Sequencial scenes showing how each go about finding answers in their own way (the method helps to start establishing character and  personality differences between the leads). ML does that, but for some reason the FL doesn't?  (Maybe here a nightime scene each with the family to further develop feelings/angst and exposition of changes in family dinamics and events that happened while they were gone.) Next is trying to get back the life they left behind. Again, sequencial scenes of his workplace and in this case her university.

And with that we get the feeling a few days have passed and they went around on their parallel journeys. But here it's all jumbled and mashed together. He keeps talking to the people from his network in random chopped talks where it feels like he doesn't ask everything logically just so the drama can have another different scene with them later, he is home, his family is a mess but that isn't even edited in contrast to the scenes of her family for juxtaposition...and he seems to have more scenes than her and hers fall randomly out of nowhere and without logic. After being discharged from the hospital and talking to her family, why wouldn't her first reaction be trying to find him and ask what the hell happened? Instead she goes around, even returns to college before going to him?  The drama and the leads seem to walk around in circles without purpose. The transitions are also lowsy...usually all the driving in kdramas is too much but here it is lacking. The ML jumping around from the hospital, to the network, to the (most baffling) secret patient room where the scientist is without us knowing how he got there is distracting. Besides, those small driving scenes are important for character interaction and development: either with phone calls that allow us to see a more intimate side of the characters, how he takes things when nobody is watching, or with another person in the car communicating, or even just silent rides with body language and expression giving us a glimpse of their state of mind....  without any of this, by just appearing in places and doing things, the characters seem shallow and incomplete.

Minor complaints: 

They made the choice to make the 2nd Female lead kind of bitchy, greedy and backstabbing by having her agree to the cover up and her decision of not telling him immediately  what she had done now and apologize (when her younger self seemed much sweeter than that). I feel like the drama has barely begun and they already did her dirty by choosing to go that way with her character after her introduction on the pilot. Also, typecast of the actress playing her older self... she always plays a bitch (she's very good at it but I wanted to see her on a softer role). I wouldn’t mind  if this were a noona romance, since so far the leads have zero chemistry together. To be fair, there wasn’t any with the 2nd female lead, or JCW and any other character in a non romatic way either, in fact, except for the kid niece who actually seems to get a genuine reaction out of him.

 Plus we know from K2 that JCW and noonas have better chemistry ;)

At least I wish they had given her a better arc, for example, the girlfriend who was left behind, because of how it went down, never got over her love for him. They could have a romantic interest for her who she met after the lead was frozen, and the two had become very close over the years but she couldn't move on... they could give her closure so she'd finally realize in her heart how she felt about her own romantic interest without it being clouded with guilt and unresolved feelings for the lead. 

@kdramaxoxo

[blenderbender1811]

Just random thoughts about Yellow and Red’s relationship because I cannot control myself apparently. I blame my boyfriend, he got my into this show and we’ve been binging it the past three-four dates at his house. I have like 8 episodes left to watch, but until he gets over here tomorrow and we can watch the rest, I’m going to write this.

- Yellow and Red started dating in high school, when they were like 16ish. In hindsight, Yellow’s still not sure why she did it - she knew Red was reckless and impulsive and irresponsible and didn’t take the Hue Troop nearly as seriously as she did. Red was MAGNETIC though, she had experience dating, and they were friends, so Yellow thinks it was just because it felt safe to start exploring relationships with Red. And there is absolutely no side of her brain that was enjoying the HELL out of Red’s bad girl maverick schtick nope no way.

- Red’s ‘barely-disguised-flirting’ style worked on Yellow WAY more than she wanted to admit. Once, just to prove to Blue that she could pull off classy for a disguise mission, Red started ‘chatting up’ Yellow and ‘asking her out’ and even though Yellow KNEW they were pretending, she still ended up getting a little dreamy-eyed and asking ‘Where are we going?’ She will still not admit she did this and if Red (or Blue) brings it up, she will deny it swiftly and decisively.

- Yellow kinda constantly felt at war with herself while she was dating Red. It was like her ‘smart brain’ was telling her ‘Okay, we’re fundamentally incompatible, Red goes waaaaay farther in her thrill seeking than I want to, she doesn’t take our missions seriously and it stresses me out, and I do not enjoy heart attacks’ and her ‘bad decision’ brain kept screaming ‘RED IS HOT AND THIS IS EXCITING’. 

- Red was a terrible, terrible student. When she bothered to show up, she was always either sneaking looks at social media, daydreaming or falling asleep. Her response to an uninteresting assignment (or ‘she just wasn’t feeling it’) was ‘Eh, I’m gonna skip this one.’ Yellow, on the other hand, was a straight A nerd with a strictly kept schedule for getting all her work done and who routinely stressed herself out to breakdown point making sure everything was perfect. Red tried to help Yellow calm down and relax, but Yellow decided this was ‘distracting’ and usually kicked Red out. Yellow also found one way to get Red to do even a modicum of studying was to say that she would have fewer people harassing her to get her work done and less time making up her grades to avoid failing, which would automatically mean more time to go out with Yellow. It didn’t cure things but it actually got a couple assignments done that way. Now, whether or not they were half assed is another question, but Yellow took that as a step forward.

- Yellow was always tagging Red to play app games on her phone with her. It usually worked, although maybe not at the times Yellow might have wanted (”DON’T PLAY GAMES IN CLASS, RED, COME ON.”)

- Red actually routinely did things she didn’t really want to do to make Yellow happy. Nothing skeevy, but it got her to go to more than one boring lecture series Yellow wanted to go to, and practicing Hue Troop stuff. ‘I would follow you to the ends of the earth with only mild complaining’ was in full effect here.

- Red once decided to show Yellow her ‘stunt driving’ around various ‘obstacles’. Yellow wouldn’t let Red drive her anywhere for a month after that. Ironically, Red driving her around was one of Yellow’s favourite things to do before that.

- I imagine they were actually pretty quietly cute, despite the frequent little arguments, like holding hands, cuddling, kissing...selfies that they both still have on their phone and Yellow isn’t sure why she hasn’t deleted them yet. Because they’re still cute that’s why.

- They always used to pair off together on missions and patrols and such, and they always looked for each other first after a fight. Green, Black, and Blue were the other usual team. Blue trusted that they would stay focused on their own once they started dating. ...Well, okay, she trusted YELLOW to stay focused after they started dating. And in Red’s defence, they only got distracted making out a handful of times. They dated for a while, so Red thought that was impressive. She and Yellow, ah, used to argue about that. Among other things.

- I wanna say they knew each other since they were like 12ish? Not childhood friends, but not like they only just met when they were both on the Hue Troop either.

- They argued a LOT. Like...a lot. They disagreed about a lot of things and a lot of those disagreements were vehement. There were things that Red and Yellow just fundamentally did not gel well on. What Yellow saw as well meaning, helpful advice, Red saw as nagging and nitpicking and ‘get off my back already’. Meanwhile, what Red saw as ‘harmless thrill seeking’ Yellow saw as ‘irresponsible and reckless, self-destructive behaviour’. What was half hearted grumbling to Red often came off as a resentment to Yellow  Add in that Yellow was a die hard Hue Trooper and Red ...had her doubts about it, and the fact Yellow thought Red SERIOUSLY needed to re-evaluate her priorities and they were, to put it politely, a poor fit. Most of these arguments stayed in the realm of healthy, if passionate disagreement, but sometimes...yeah, you’d think World War Three broke out in the Hue Troops’ hangout with their Big arguments. Red can get really mad and Yellow can be COLD when she’s upset. Mercifully, they usually made up pretty fast after fights like that because they DID care about each other (and Blue was on hand to lock them in the basement until they made up when they were being stubborn).

- That’s not to say they didn’t care about each other because that’s not it - there were definitely a lot of things they admired about each other too. Yellow thinks that Red is creative, brave, opportunistic, fun to be around, adaptable, funny, confident and, again, absolutely magnetic and that’s what she likes about Red (even if she wishes she had better timing and priorities sometimes). Red, for her part, thinks Yellow is determined, smart, caring, loyal, tireless, playful in her own way, and that she has a certain amount of not caring what other’s think (even if she’s also a stuffy nerd). There’s a lot they could have handled better and a lot they disagreed about, but they were friends who cared about each other. ...Even if, as friends, Red can’t resist winding up Yellow until Yellow is ready to strangle her. It’s okay, Yellow, she does it to Blue too.

- Okay, so Red had her leg with the Hue Troop, so I’m revising what I said earlier and Red was in the hospital for something that happened on a mission. Nothing TOO frightening, but bad enough she was off her feet in the hospital for a week or so. Yellow realized that she couldn’t keep worrying about Red being reckless and that she needed someone who was more calm and who could help her relax after being on duty with the Troopers. Again, she doesn’t regret breaking up with her (most days) and thinks they’re better off as friends (most days) but if she was willing to tell her past self, it would be ‘don’t break up with your girlfriend while she’s in the hospital, that’s never going to end well.’

- They reconciled for the most part after a while, but for the first couple months or so after they broke up? HO-LY SHIT. If you thought their Big Arguments were bad, you had not seen anything yet that first week or so afterwards. Not even Blue could sort this one out. After that first week, things kind of...simmered. No more exploding at each other, but there was definite tension. Red was both angry and hurt and Yellow was too stubborn to grant that she might have screwed up (in the timing if nothing else) mostly to avoid feeling guiltier about hurting Red. Yellow made overtures trying to explain her reasoning more than once (because when Yellow is upset with someone for hurting her, understanding their logic makes her feel more solid even if she doesn’t agree with it), but once again, these two did not gel well. Red felt like these explanations were just rubbing her nose in their breakup. So, to try to annoy Yellow, Red started going on dates with any hot girl who looked her way so she could shove it in Yellow’s face. It worked more than Yellow wanted it to and Yellow thought it was juvenile as hell, so that started another argument when that boiled over. Finally, after what was like pulling teeth (have you EVER tried to get Red to admit things she doesn’t want to???) Red told Blue what she was doing and, moreover, it didn’t work - she couldn’t find anybody she liked as much as Yellow. Meanwhile, Black Strategy and Green Guts managed to painstakingly talk Yellow around to admitting that, yes, she could see why her timing was upsetting to Red. This resulted in Yellow ONCE AGAIN trying to explain why she did it...and they started arguing. But THANKFULLY, this time Red snapped at her for rubbing it in. They managed to talk their way through this breakthrough in communication and Yellow gave Red space to move on. 

- Mercifully, things went more or less back to being friendly after that. I think Blue’s plan if the above didn’t work was to smack their heads together until they made up. There was the occasional awkwardness or hurt feelings that came out in minor snarky comments, but things pretty much went back to how they were before they started dating. Yellow’s still got the best understanding of how Red’s mind works.

- Yellow still, very deep down, thinks Red is hot and while her smart brain says she’s not going to go down that road again (especially when Red has a new girlfriend), her bad decision brain still sometimes gives her a flicker of ‘Oh, but it’d be SO FUN to hang out with her again’.

[undeadimpulsereviews]

Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth

Hello, sorry for the late review; it’s been a busy week so I haven’t been able to work much. Don’t worry however, the last review of the month will still come out later this week. I have more time to work so there shouldn’t be any problems.

Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth is a new title in the Digimon series that was released for the Playstation 4 and Vita back in 2015; It’s a turn based RPG where you must utilize the Digimon at your disposal to uncover the mystery behind a vast online world. That aside it’s time for a history lesson; Digimon has been around since the late nineteen nineties. It started as a small handheld devise each with it’s own virtual pet, much like the toys known as tamagotchi’s. Over time Digimon grew in popularity and branched out; anime, video games, movies, you name it. To this day Digimon is still growing; however it’s not as prominent in america as it is in Japan. Pokemon came out on top over Digimon a good few years ago; that doesn’t mean the series is bad though. Sure it’s had it’s fair share of ups and downs but there are a lot of great things about the Digimon franchise that Pokemon can’t compete with. That being said, where exactly does this franchise fall for me? It’s been years since I’ve touched anything Digimon related; well after giving it thought I like Digimon. There are many reason’s why but we didn’t come here to debate my stance on two different franchises; instead I’ll give you an idea of why I like Digimon through the game. To start out let’s look at Cyber Sleuth’s story and work our way through.

Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth centers around your character, be it a boy or girl, trying to unravel the mysteries around an online community known as Eden. Digimon are an urban legend said to be the tools of hackers; little does our band of heroes know is that Digimon are as real as you and me. One day while chatting with your friends in a random chat room the mascot of Eden invites all those willing to partake in a little surprise; however, that surprise happens to be the infamous hacking tool known as Digimon Capture. You are given this without your consent and are thus turned into hackers; not only this but an unknown entity called the Eaters are attacking people in Eden, and one just so happens to attack you. Now you’re having a literal out of body experience as your data roams around the real world. A lot to take in? well that’s only a fraction of what’s in store. So with that you must recover your body, stop the eaters, and find out what exactly is happening in cyberspace; all with the help of some peculiar characters and your trusty Digimon.

Cyber Sleuth is both your average Digimon story, and at some points a very mature story. If you aren’t familiar with a Digimon story, usually the premise is that some form of evil is threatening both the human world and the digital world. Due to this it’s up to the destined children to fight alongside the Digimon to save the world. Now as for the games mature elements; I can’t say anything in terms of the games main story because that would be an extreme spoiler, but the side stories I can delve into. Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth has many side missions; each with it’s own little story to them. The stories of these missions don’t influence the main story in anyway, but they’re still really well done stories all the same. The stories range from comedic to mature and emotional; one of my favorites involves a kid who has found a friend through an online chat site. The kids mother is scared that this person her son is talking to is dangerous and influencing her son. You go through and find out that the person is actually a Digimon and all they want is to be the boys friend. Through this you find out that the boy is living a troubled life; he feels that he isn’t close with his family and he has problems with school. The boy is able to confide in the Digimon about his problems in life but no matter how much he tells it never mends the wounds. This is one of many really well done side stories in the game; their small and only span one mission but the content they bring is still really great and make the side missions worth completing. Overall the story has something for everyone; it supply’s a nice story for the kid demographic, but at the same time provides a mature and even sometimes dark story that adults can get behind. Now what about the characters; well nineties kids like me will be at home with characters like these.

Cyber Sleuth is a very familiar feeling for those who grew up with it; not only do you see a lot of your favorite Digimon; but the main characters feel at home in the environment their set in. You have your main heroic character, your mysterious character who wishes to fix a past wrong, and your quirky yet sometimes ditsy character. Though this only covers three out of many of the main group. My favorite character in terms of development is the quirky one Nokia Shiramine.

Nokia, pictured above, goes from being absolutely frightened of the whole idea of hackers and Digimon; to a leader of many in the goal of equality. She could have been a dull uninteresting character that kept her distance due to the Digimon, but instead after a fated meeting with two very iconic characters she found a new resolve. Now development only extends to supporting characters and the main cast that isn’t you; you are a semi-silent protagonist. You’re character, be them boy or girl, are not voiced by someone (outside of a fight) but you have dialogue options. These dialogue options don’t actually change any sort of personality but basically it’s how you see yourself situation so there isn’t really any development for you; however the rest of the cast develops really well, some in good directions and others in bad directions. I love the characters but there is one problem that kind of bugged me as I was playing; the game, regardless of what gender you choose, tends to word things as if you are playing a boy. I played the girl character because I like design a little more than the boys; however, when talking with npc’s and some main encounters, people will address me as he or use some sort of dialogue that isn’t fitting for a girl character. It’s a small thing but it happens a lot and it catches you off guard. Another small problem I have is the choices in voice work; the voice actors did a great job but there were some times I wish there were some changes. Specifically in the Digimon, throughout the game you’ll interact with Digimon; be it in side missions or main story Digimon. However, the voice actor for those Digimon don’t also voice said Digimon.

Let’s use Omegamon, pictured above, as our example. If there is an Omegamon that speaks Japanese in the game, it is only that one Omegamon that does this. I had an Omegamon in my party end game and it had one of a few place holder sounds when it attacked; instead of having the same voice used as an Omegamon that I fought with or talked with in scenes. I know this is probably to show that this specific Omegamon is unique but I’d like it to be consistent, but overall it’s a small issue to have. Overall I love the cast of Cyber Sleuth; their lovable, are developed well over the time of the game, and also have a air of maturity or dark presence depending on the character.

Cyber Sleuth is quite the site for what the game is; usually when it comes to games with a near modern day setting you find yourself in everyday Japan. It’s no different here but that only accommodates the human half of the Digimon franchise; so we need a digital space for the Digimon to occupy. Seeing little strips of Japan is fine; like going to a small area of Akihabara is always fun but a lot of Japanese titles do it these days. Though what about a combination of the two?

From the image above we find ourselves in a subway station, but as we can see it’s starting to deteriorate or in this sense digitize. I won’t say why due to heavy story reasons but these regions were always my favorite. It was a melding of two worlds into one, or so it was said; in my opinion it seemed more like the human world was being devoured by the digital. Things started to change or distort and Digimon were able to manifest outside of a digital space. It really provided the feeling of a dungeon; much like the dungeons in a persona game. The same could be said for areas inside Eden as well

This is the entrance to one of the main dungeon areas known as Kowloon, and one of the first things you see in the game. It plays a heavy part in the over all story and is now home to the hacker community. Right now it paints a very eerie picture but when you see it’s later significance it hits pretty hard. However the picture can only show so much; to get the true feeling behind what Kowloon is animation is needed. As for the music, the composer for Cyber Sleuth was  Masafumi Takada; Masafumi has worked on countless video game soundtracks over the years. One of his more recent ones, other than this, was the Dangan Ronpa series which can be heard a little in this. The title screen theme especially sounds like it could have been in Danganronpa.

Composer and other works aside, the soundtrack for Cyber Sleuth is great; it’s fast paced, energetic, and at some points very odd. A few really stand out for me, including the main theme, but for now here are some of my favorites.

Overall the game looks nice and the music is perfect for a JRPG such as this. Now we come to one of the quintessential things a turn based rpg can have, it’s gameplay.

Cyber Sleuth is by all means a traditional turn based RPG; it’s not active like old final fantasy games where you can see the meter fill, but instead takes the stats of both you and your opponent and places your turns based on your speed. If you go back up to the picture before with MetalGreymon you’ll see the bar on the right side of the picture. Each person can have up to three Digimon on their team at one time and can have nine more on reserve; One the side bar, any Digimon with a blue outline are yours. Red is the enemy, and green are guest fighters on your side.This bar stays their through the fight and will shift depending on speed or buffs the character may have used; pretty standard right? There are also type advantages; however for Digimon there are two different types. You have elemental advantage where fire beats grass, and type advantage; Digimon have three distinct types. If a Digimon isn’t neutral they are either a vaccine type, virus, or data; neutral will take normal damage from all types, while the other three follow a rock paper scissors idea. Vaccine beats virus, virus to data, and data to vaccine; however, to get the most optimal result you need to keep both advantages in mind. Other than that you’ll need to know the ailments your Digimon can get in battle; they’re generally the same as in other RPG’s but some are under a different name to fit the game. The gameplay is fun for not only Digimon fans but those who may not know a lot of the series as well; it’s been years since I last did anything with the franchise and I had a blast playing this game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5IxsFduRnU

Above is a link to fifteen minutes of gameplay from Tokyo Game Show; if you’re interested, or just wish to see the gameplay in action rather than my explanation then there you go. Now the hardest part comes from evolving you Digimon. The game doesn’t flat out tell you that evolving and de-evolving your crew is what you should do. You can get far with just normal evolution but eventually you’ll hit a snag; you need a specific stat to evolve into the much later levels. One stat being ABI; to get this stat you either need a food source that gives it, though those are limited, or you need to evolve and then revert back your Digimon. A lot of the Digimon only need twenty ABI to evolve, but there are a few that need as much as eighty and those ones are well worth the time. Lastly I took the time to Platinum the game; it’s a relatively easy thing to do, but there are some things that I could live without. There are two trophies that come to mind; win thirty online battles, and collect every Digimon medal. The online battles aren’t to bad; even if no one is playing online the game will pit you against AI. Through this even if the online dies you can still get the trophy, but the Online has a couple problems. As for the medals, start early; if you plan to get all five hundred medal don’t wait like I did. Pull up a guide to for these things; some medals drop from enemies but you can’t get them all that way. Most of the medals are in Gacha machines around the game and you will sit there for hours trying to get them all. Each one has thirty different medals so once you get thirty that one machine is done. Other medals you get through missions and fetch quests, but these fetch quests become hard to obtain the farther in you get because specific Digimon are tied to dungeon areas. Overall the gameplay is great but for completionist you may have a hard time so go in prepared.

Overall I give Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth an 8 out of 10; it has it’s problems, some smaller than others, but overall it’s an amazing JRPG. It’s mature at times but still sticks to the intended demographic. The music is amazing, the gameplay fun and engaging and the characters develop well while at the same time staying true to the franchise. I recommend this game to those looking for something different while at the same time wanting that turn based RPG that everyone for some reason wants to lay to rest.

Later in the week will be the last review for the month, or at least my first impressions on the manga Uratarou. Sorry again for the late review; January has been a busy month. Until next time however, have a nice day.  

[poisonflamegames]

Tyrantus' Elegant Design

Hello everyone, welcome back to my blog! Today I'm going to talk about one of the games that I'm most passionate about: Hearthstone! I've been playing it regularly since its closed beta back in mid-2014, and I still haven't gotten enough of it. It's a delight to play and study design-wise.

That brings me to today's topic. I am going to talk about a specific card that I feel didn't get the attention it deserved once it was first announced; I am talking about Tyrantus, the druid legendary minion from the Un'Goro set. I've written this post so even if you aren't a Hearthstone player, you'll easily understand the design discussion that I have for you today. Let's get to it!

Hearthstone is perhaps the most famous online collectible card game out today. Its snazzy visuals, approachable gameplay and beloved characters/thematics from the Warcraft universe have made this game a go-to choice for quite a chunk of avid players in the card game genre.

I am going to present to you a card and I'm going to analyze it for you so you can understand a bit of the mechanics of the game, which will segway onto the meat and potatoes of the post.

This is Faerie Dragon, one of the minion cards in the game. Minions are the same as creatures in MTG or monsters in Yu-Gi-Oh, they're unit cards that you can play to establish a board and pressure your opponent.

Looking at Faerie Dragon's stats, we can note in the upper left that its mana cost is two, making it a rather cheap card with three attack, which is decent; and two health, which isn't much. Aside from that, Faerie Dragon comes with an extra ability in its text, which reads "Cannot be targeted by spells or Hero Powers".

This means that the little dragon cannot be the target of spells or other abilities unless they're minion-related abilities or just regular attacks, also being vulnerable to area-of-effect cards and random effects. It's a pretty cool ability on paper, but given that Faerie Dragon only has two health, that makes it not a very interesting or enticing card, since it can die to mostly anything.

That in itself makes Faerie Dragon actually very interesting design-wise, because it has this duality of possessing this very powerful and cool ability that could break the game, while at the same time, having too little health to put it to effective use. This can make players get their juices flowing, trying to figure out ways to squeeze the value out of Faerie Dragon‘s ability, which is healthy and fun for the game.

In comes a druid legendary minion, Tyrantus:

Tyrantus, unlike Faerie Dragon, is a legendary minion; meaning that you can only put one of these bad boys into your deck instead of the regular two copies for non-legendary cards. Added to that, legendary minions are the big highlight when expansions release, given that each class tends to only get one legendary minion per expansion.

Looking at Tyrantus' text, you could see why some people could find it an uninteresting legendary. It's just a super beefy, more expensive Faerie Dragon, right? Costing ten instead of two makes it the most mana you can realistically spend in a turn, Faerie Dragon's stats quiver upon Tyrantus' twelve attack and twelve health and they both share the same ability; but being a legendary minion, one could agree that it could have a way more interesting effect, perhaps a unique one.

In Hearthstone, legendaries are often tied to super-powerful, never-seen-before effects. Seeing Tyrantus share the same effect as a common card might be laughable to some, but we’ll discuss that later. Let's see an example of another legendary from the same set as Tyrantus:

Lyra the Sunshard's ability reads that whenever you cast a spell, you get to add a random priest spell to your hand. That's a very flashy, amazing effect, because as long as your opponent doesn't kill Lyra, you can essentially earn infinite spells, you'll just keep casting the spells that Lyra gives you endlessly as long as you have the mana to cast them.

That effect is fun, and it gives players the ability to play a ton of spells, perhaps way more than the number of spells that one could fit into their deck. Compared to Tyrantus, one could say that druids got the short end of the stick with such a boringly-design card; but I wholeheartedly disagree.

Tyrantus is, to this day, the largest minion with "Cannot be targeted by spells or Hero Powers", which in itself makes him unique and incredible. The same effect as Faerie Dragon but on a much larger minion opens way more opportunities for the effect to become extremely powerful. Sadly, due to its steep cost and lack of on-play effect, Tyrantus struggled to see play and became a meme within the community, as there were better options than playing him, but here's the clever design element that Tyrantus has hidden within him.

In the same set in which Tyrantus got released, druids got a tool that could potentially give them the ability to play any minion at no cost whatsoever; and the fact that Tyrantus just existed alongside that extremely powerful effect made players go "I want to try and see if I can combo this together", as Tyrantus was obviously the card best fit to go along with that effect. That got players to experiment with new decks, or perhaps play for fun, just to see if they could manage to play the incredible zero mana Tyrantus. It might not have been a very viable strategy, but the option to do something amazing was there, and that’s important.

This brings me to the point of this post: Clever design is not always achieved by flashy, unique or absolutely ridiculous mechanics; in fact, oftentimes it is done by quite the contrary. Simple, well-executed and cohesive mechanics have proven to deliver amazing games; the primest example of that being perhaps the most characteristic gaming mascot, a plumber that comes from a game in which you could originally only run and jump.

The feeling that games must seek to bottle up is that thought of "I want to do this amazing thing" and the game allowing you to, because the level of satisfaction you get upon doing so is close to immeasurable. It's the prime reason why people play video games to begin with: To do amazing things; so don't forget that. Thanks for readingand supporting me! <3

[samanthasroberts]

6 Movie Locations You Can Visit (But Probably Shouldn’t)

Some movies are so amazing that their greatness can’t be contained on a simple movie screen. It’s why the Wizarding World Of Harry Potter is a multi-billion-dollar venture and Disney continues to insert employees into permanently smiling horror-beasts. But not every tie-in attraction can be a runaway success — or attract throngs of rabid superfans who will trash your property (see: Breaking Bad) — especially these ones.

6

The Thrills Of Indiana Jones … As A Bed-And-Breakfast

Paramount Pictures

There are an endless number of things an Indy-themed attraction could involve — rolling boulders, snake pits, or melting Nazis come to mind. And the Indiana Jones Bed & Breakfast provides none of them. It’s just got beds. Also breakfast.

EasyBuy4u/iStock Indy presumably enjoyed breakfast in several unfilmed scenes.

Admittedly, this isn’t just any house; it was featured in Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade, where you’ll recall it as the least memorable location in the film. Venice, Nazi castles, a city carved into a cliff, and this:

tripadvisor.ca Petra this ain’t.

It gets maybe 20 seconds of film time, during which it communicates all the glamour you might expect to find in any old house. Glamour it carries to this day.

Indiana Jones Home Bed & Breakfast Walls. A VCR. Sconces even!

There’s really not much Indiana Jones in it at all. The room names are cute (The Cortez and Coronado rooms sound interesting; the Holy Grail room sounds better), and there are a few other plausibly Indy-related thingamabobs strewn about the house as well. But, honestly, if you’ve ever been camping or ever met a German person, you’ve probably had a more authentic Indiana Jones experience than this.

Indiana Jones Home Bed & Breakfast Twist: All the whips could be S&M-related.

5

The Twilight Tour That Doesn’t Show Anything From Twilight

Summit Entertainment

Despite the best efforts of internet snark-merchants, Twilight ended up being a pretty big deal. The books and the movies were incredibly popular, which has inspired throngs of fans to descend on the small town of Forks, Washington, where the franchise was set, to meet their own ancient, powerfully sexual vampires.

As a result, the town of 3,500 has slapped a thick coat of Twilight on everything in it. “Twilight” now clings to the name of many of the town’s establishments, to help remind everyone why they’re there. You know. Just in case someone drove to Forks, Washington, by accident.

Bobak Ha’Eri/Wiki Commons This was definitely worth looking at damp trees for 12 straight days of driving.

There are Twilight-themed coffee shops, and mailboxes, and quilts, and while that certainly is an impressive collection of Twilight, uh, physical matter, it’s lacking something, isn’t it? Like authenticity. Where are the actual shooting locations?

Well, there aren’t any. Because it turns out none of the movies were actually shot in Forks. Which means the Twilight tour must be at least a little disappointing. Although the tour guides are up front about it, at least a few fans have realized sadly that the only thing this place has in common with the Twilight franchise is a name and a preponderance of pale teenagers. The tour apparently consists of places in town that, shrug, might have been places from the books. (“There’s a house! It might have been Bella’s house!”) Evidently, the only thing there that looks remotely like something from the movie is a replica of Bella’s pick-up truck, and you’d better believe the town knows this. This is from the Forks chamber of commerce’s website:

forkswa.com The sparkling is from magic, not a cheap GIF, for those asking.

4

The Zombie Museum That Will Not Die

United Film Distribution Company

The Living Dead Museum has seen better days. It was originally located in Pennsylvania’s Monroeville Mall, which is a fantastic place for a zombie museum, being the shooting location of George Romero’s 1978 zombie classic Dawn Of The Dead. Sadly, though, it was forced to relocate after the mall succumbed to the bloodthirsty menace known as gentrification.

mapio.net That said, it does look nice with all the blood and limbs cleaned up.

The museum is now housed in Evans City, a small town an hour away. This was, admittedly, the place where Night Of The Living Dead was filmed. But that was a substantially less iconic location, and, well, it kind of shows.

Google Maps That’s the museum there next to the Subway.

Inside, it’s not that bad. It’s got photos, and posters, and a bunch of creepy mannequins, as you’d hope. It’s also got a wall covered in bloody hand prints for some reason.

Living Dead Museum Kind of puts us in the mood for Subway, actually.

But like every museum in the world ever, the real point here seems to be the gift shop, which is where it gets a little sad. Remember that mall the museum got kicked out of? Well they’re selling tiny pieces of the J.C. Penney escalator. Which seems a little clingy. The mall’s just not that into you, dude. Let it go. (Follow-up reaction: Also, what the hell is anyone going to do with a piece of an escalator?)

livingdeadmuseum.com “If you have a better way to repair my escalator, I’d like to hear it.”

3

The Twister Museum Is Located In The Thirstiest Town Ever

Warner Bros.

Somewhere in the tiny Oklahoma town of Wakita, an elderly local is telling a hapless visitor about the time Helen Hunt and a cow were attacked by a tornado. That time was 20 years ago now, but to Wakita, that time was everything.

Google Maps Imagine a one-horse town if that horse got bored and left 20 years ago.

In the mid ’90s, Wakita welcomed the Twister production into town with open arms. And why wouldn’t they? The producers promised to upgrade the town’s facade, knock down some old unwanted buildings, and clean up a bunch of debris. Which they did! On top of that, the locals hoped the film would revitalize the town’s economy, provide a steady tourism income for years, and make Wakita the go-to destination for Hollywood productions. Which it didn’t.

Google Maps Hollywood may have had trouble finding it again, actually.

But for two decades now, the town has steadfastly refused to see the uninterested writing on the wall. It’s even erected a Twister museum to pay homage to the 1996 blockbuster. Which is, uh, not exactly a big-budget affair. From the models depicting tornado ravaged dollhouses:

Eileen Blass/USA Today

To the “Twister debris” that’s really just a bunch of random detritus haphazardly scattered in a corner:

tripadvisor.com “See the genuine pile of garbage!”

It’s all very, very quaint. The museum’s success has been so limited that residents are willing to drop literally anything they’re doing for the opportunity to guide someone around piles of Hollywood rubble and spend hours chatting about their close encounter with film-industry elite. This museum is quite literally their only form of entertainment in town:

tripadvisor.com

So if you’re a die-hard Twister fan who also happens to be in the middle of nowhere, maybe check it out? The locals seem like nice people, at least. They could maybe use someone to talk to, as well. Also, maybe try showing up and talking about how much you love Armageddon, as a goof. Let us know how that goes.

2

Kevin Costner’s Kevin Costner-Themed Restaurant Is A Little Kevin Costner Heavy

Orion Pictures

Back in the ’90s, if you wanted to make a baseball movie or post-apocalyptic piece of crap, Kevin Costner was your guy.

Warner Bros. Also if you wanted your Robin Hood to have an American accent.

But Kevin Costner hasn’t been in too many movies recently, possibly because of all those jokes we made, but also because he’s been busy with his restaurant and casino! Located in Deadwood — which is an actual real-life town in South Dakota, apparently — it’s called the Midnight Star, and according to Kevin Costner, it’s the highlight of Deadwood.

themidnightstar.com Which is huge if true.

With the bare walls of the establishment — of all establishments, really — just begging to be Costner-ized, Costner hasn’t sat idle and has filled the place with memorabilia from his life. Props and costumes from classics like Field Of Dreams and Dances With Wolves line the walls, while a Bull Durham poster sexily watches people eat their baskets of calamari.

Orion Pictures “Could someone turn that thing around?”

But the downside of an extensive collection of Costner-bilia is that it reveals just how many turds he’s been in. What is The Guardian? Or Mr. Brooks? Up on the wall is some kind of doctor costume from the movie Dragonfly, which was about … dragons? Dragons that need doctors? To help fly again? Also there must be some Waterworld stuff there too, just haunting the place, making all the drinks taste a little bit like urine. (OK, that’s probably not true. But it should be.)

1

The Official Cheers Bars Had Dead-Eyed Robot Versions Of The Cast

CBS

Cheers taught us that all it takes to make your crippling substance-abuse problem tolerable is for everyone to know your name. Which is a fine premise to base an actual bar on as well, once you remove that pesky need for knowing or even caring about your customers’ names. Which is how Cheers-branded bars began popping up in airports and hotels across the world in the 1990s. Not only were these bars called Cheers, perched at the end of the bar in many of them were horrific Chuck E. Cheese’s automaton versions of Norm and Cliff.

United States Court of Appeals Fated to get hammered for their entire miserable existence.

As you can probably tell, the replicas were less than perfect. Cliff had no mustache, Norm had aged a good 20 years, and both looked quite a bit less like human beings than they did the embalmed corpses of political cartoons. These discrepancies may not have been an accident, perhaps done to avoid paying likeness rights to the actors; the robots’ names were also changed to “Hank” and “Bob.” If you think that seems like bullshit, you’re not alone: John Ratzenberger and George Wendt, the actors who played Cliff and Norm, thought so too and ended up suing Paramount over it, in a case that almost made it to the Supreme Court.

Roger L. Wollenberg/Pool via Bloomberg Where everybody knows your name because it’s written down on several important pieces of paper.

Yup, the United States Supreme Court had to decide whether shitty robot doppelgangers of sitcom characters swilling beer in airport bars were worth their time. Their eventual decision — “Nah, not really” — left it in the hands of a lower court, where the actors eventually settled with Paramount. We don’t know what the terms of that settlement were, but seeing as there don’t seem to be too many of those robots around anymore, we kind of hope they all ended up in George Wendt’s basement, where they’ve become his best friends.

You can check out Carolyn’s depressing Twitter account here.

What’s The Best Fictional School To Attend? In the muggle world, we’re not given the opportunity for a magical hat to tell us which school we should go to. Usually we just have to go to the high school closest to where we live or whatever college accepts our SAT scores and personal essay. This month, our goal is to determine what would be the best fictional school to go to. Join Jack, Daniel, and the rest of the Cracked staff, along with comedians Brandie Posey and Steven Wilber, as they figure out if it’s a realistic school like Degrassi or West Beverly High, or an institution from a fantasy world like Hogwarts with its ghosts and dementors, or Bayside High, haunted by a monster known only to humans as Screech. Get your tickets here!

Also check out 7 Movies That Were Filmed In Terrifying Locations and 5 Photos That Shatter Your Image Of Horror Movie Locations.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 8 Places You’ll Recognize From The Background Of Every Movie, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also, follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/28/6-movie-locations-you-can-visit-but-probably-shouldnt/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/28/6-movie-locations-you-can-visit-but-probably-shouldnt/

[adambstingus]

6 Movie Locations You Can Visit (But Probably Shouldn’t)

Some movies are so amazing that their greatness can’t be contained on a simple movie screen. It’s why the Wizarding World Of Harry Potter is a multi-billion-dollar venture and Disney continues to insert employees into permanently smiling horror-beasts. But not every tie-in attraction can be a runaway success — or attract throngs of rabid superfans who will trash your property (see: Breaking Bad) — especially these ones.

6

The Thrills Of Indiana Jones … As A Bed-And-Breakfast

Paramount Pictures

There are an endless number of things an Indy-themed attraction could involve — rolling boulders, snake pits, or melting Nazis come to mind. And the Indiana Jones Bed & Breakfast provides none of them. It’s just got beds. Also breakfast.

EasyBuy4u/iStock Indy presumably enjoyed breakfast in several unfilmed scenes.

Admittedly, this isn’t just any house; it was featured in Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade, where you’ll recall it as the least memorable location in the film. Venice, Nazi castles, a city carved into a cliff, and this:

tripadvisor.ca Petra this ain’t.

It gets maybe 20 seconds of film time, during which it communicates all the glamour you might expect to find in any old house. Glamour it carries to this day.

Indiana Jones Home Bed & Breakfast Walls. A VCR. Sconces even!

There’s really not much Indiana Jones in it at all. The room names are cute (The Cortez and Coronado rooms sound interesting; the Holy Grail room sounds better), and there are a few other plausibly Indy-related thingamabobs strewn about the house as well. But, honestly, if you’ve ever been camping or ever met a German person, you’ve probably had a more authentic Indiana Jones experience than this.

Indiana Jones Home Bed & Breakfast Twist: All the whips could be S&M-related.

5

The Twilight Tour That Doesn’t Show Anything From Twilight

Summit Entertainment

Despite the best efforts of internet snark-merchants, Twilight ended up being a pretty big deal. The books and the movies were incredibly popular, which has inspired throngs of fans to descend on the small town of Forks, Washington, where the franchise was set, to meet their own ancient, powerfully sexual vampires.

As a result, the town of 3,500 has slapped a thick coat of Twilight on everything in it. “Twilight” now clings to the name of many of the town’s establishments, to help remind everyone why they’re there. You know. Just in case someone drove to Forks, Washington, by accident.

Bobak Ha’Eri/Wiki Commons This was definitely worth looking at damp trees for 12 straight days of driving.

There are Twilight-themed coffee shops, and mailboxes, and quilts, and while that certainly is an impressive collection of Twilight, uh, physical matter, it’s lacking something, isn’t it? Like authenticity. Where are the actual shooting locations?

Well, there aren’t any. Because it turns out none of the movies were actually shot in Forks. Which means the Twilight tour must be at least a little disappointing. Although the tour guides are up front about it, at least a few fans have realized sadly that the only thing this place has in common with the Twilight franchise is a name and a preponderance of pale teenagers. The tour apparently consists of places in town that, shrug, might have been places from the books. (“There’s a house! It might have been Bella’s house!”) Evidently, the only thing there that looks remotely like something from the movie is a replica of Bella’s pick-up truck, and you’d better believe the town knows this. This is from the Forks chamber of commerce’s website:

forkswa.com The sparkling is from magic, not a cheap GIF, for those asking.

4

The Zombie Museum That Will Not Die

United Film Distribution Company

The Living Dead Museum has seen better days. It was originally located in Pennsylvania’s Monroeville Mall, which is a fantastic place for a zombie museum, being the shooting location of George Romero’s 1978 zombie classic Dawn Of The Dead. Sadly, though, it was forced to relocate after the mall succumbed to the bloodthirsty menace known as gentrification.

mapio.net That said, it does look nice with all the blood and limbs cleaned up.

The museum is now housed in Evans City, a small town an hour away. This was, admittedly, the place where Night Of The Living Dead was filmed. But that was a substantially less iconic location, and, well, it kind of shows.

Google Maps That’s the museum there next to the Subway.

Inside, it’s not that bad. It’s got photos, and posters, and a bunch of creepy mannequins, as you’d hope. It’s also got a wall covered in bloody hand prints for some reason.

Living Dead Museum Kind of puts us in the mood for Subway, actually.

But like every museum in the world ever, the real point here seems to be the gift shop, which is where it gets a little sad. Remember that mall the museum got kicked out of? Well they’re selling tiny pieces of the J.C. Penney escalator. Which seems a little clingy. The mall’s just not that into you, dude. Let it go. (Follow-up reaction: Also, what the hell is anyone going to do with a piece of an escalator?)

livingdeadmuseum.com “If you have a better way to repair my escalator, I’d like to hear it.”

3

The Twister Museum Is Located In The Thirstiest Town Ever

Warner Bros.

Somewhere in the tiny Oklahoma town of Wakita, an elderly local is telling a hapless visitor about the time Helen Hunt and a cow were attacked by a tornado. That time was 20 years ago now, but to Wakita, that time was everything.

Google Maps Imagine a one-horse town if that horse got bored and left 20 years ago.

In the mid ’90s, Wakita welcomed the Twister production into town with open arms. And why wouldn’t they? The producers promised to upgrade the town’s facade, knock down some old unwanted buildings, and clean up a bunch of debris. Which they did! On top of that, the locals hoped the film would revitalize the town’s economy, provide a steady tourism income for years, and make Wakita the go-to destination for Hollywood productions. Which it didn’t.

Google Maps Hollywood may have had trouble finding it again, actually.

But for two decades now, the town has steadfastly refused to see the uninterested writing on the wall. It’s even erected a Twister museum to pay homage to the 1996 blockbuster. Which is, uh, not exactly a big-budget affair. From the models depicting tornado ravaged dollhouses:

Eileen Blass/USA Today

To the “Twister debris” that’s really just a bunch of random detritus haphazardly scattered in a corner:

tripadvisor.com “See the genuine pile of garbage!”

It’s all very, very quaint. The museum’s success has been so limited that residents are willing to drop literally anything they’re doing for the opportunity to guide someone around piles of Hollywood rubble and spend hours chatting about their close encounter with film-industry elite. This museum is quite literally their only form of entertainment in town:

tripadvisor.com

So if you’re a die-hard Twister fan who also happens to be in the middle of nowhere, maybe check it out? The locals seem like nice people, at least. They could maybe use someone to talk to, as well. Also, maybe try showing up and talking about how much you love Armageddon, as a goof. Let us know how that goes.

2

Kevin Costner’s Kevin Costner-Themed Restaurant Is A Little Kevin Costner Heavy

Orion Pictures

Back in the ’90s, if you wanted to make a baseball movie or post-apocalyptic piece of crap, Kevin Costner was your guy.

Warner Bros. Also if you wanted your Robin Hood to have an American accent.

But Kevin Costner hasn’t been in too many movies recently, possibly because of all those jokes we made, but also because he’s been busy with his restaurant and casino! Located in Deadwood — which is an actual real-life town in South Dakota, apparently — it’s called the Midnight Star, and according to Kevin Costner, it’s the highlight of Deadwood.

themidnightstar.com Which is huge if true.

With the bare walls of the establishment — of all establishments, really — just begging to be Costner-ized, Costner hasn’t sat idle and has filled the place with memorabilia from his life. Props and costumes from classics like Field Of Dreams and Dances With Wolves line the walls, while a Bull Durham poster sexily watches people eat their baskets of calamari.

Orion Pictures “Could someone turn that thing around?”

But the downside of an extensive collection of Costner-bilia is that it reveals just how many turds he’s been in. What is The Guardian? Or Mr. Brooks? Up on the wall is some kind of doctor costume from the movie Dragonfly, which was about … dragons? Dragons that need doctors? To help fly again? Also there must be some Waterworld stuff there too, just haunting the place, making all the drinks taste a little bit like urine. (OK, that’s probably not true. But it should be.)

1

The Official Cheers Bars Had Dead-Eyed Robot Versions Of The Cast

CBS

Cheers taught us that all it takes to make your crippling substance-abuse problem tolerable is for everyone to know your name. Which is a fine premise to base an actual bar on as well, once you remove that pesky need for knowing or even caring about your customers’ names. Which is how Cheers-branded bars began popping up in airports and hotels across the world in the 1990s. Not only were these bars called Cheers, perched at the end of the bar in many of them were horrific Chuck E. Cheese’s automaton versions of Norm and Cliff.

United States Court of Appeals Fated to get hammered for their entire miserable existence.

As you can probably tell, the replicas were less than perfect. Cliff had no mustache, Norm had aged a good 20 years, and both looked quite a bit less like human beings than they did the embalmed corpses of political cartoons. These discrepancies may not have been an accident, perhaps done to avoid paying likeness rights to the actors; the robots’ names were also changed to “Hank” and “Bob.” If you think that seems like bullshit, you’re not alone: John Ratzenberger and George Wendt, the actors who played Cliff and Norm, thought so too and ended up suing Paramount over it, in a case that almost made it to the Supreme Court.

Roger L. Wollenberg/Pool via Bloomberg Where everybody knows your name because it’s written down on several important pieces of paper.

Yup, the United States Supreme Court had to decide whether shitty robot doppelgangers of sitcom characters swilling beer in airport bars were worth their time. Their eventual decision — “Nah, not really” — left it in the hands of a lower court, where the actors eventually settled with Paramount. We don’t know what the terms of that settlement were, but seeing as there don’t seem to be too many of those robots around anymore, we kind of hope they all ended up in George Wendt’s basement, where they’ve become his best friends.

You can check out Carolyn’s depressing Twitter account here.

What’s The Best Fictional School To Attend? In the muggle world, we’re not given the opportunity for a magical hat to tell us which school we should go to. Usually we just have to go to the high school closest to where we live or whatever college accepts our SAT scores and personal essay. This month, our goal is to determine what would be the best fictional school to go to. Join Jack, Daniel, and the rest of the Cracked staff, along with comedians Brandie Posey and Steven Wilber, as they figure out if it’s a realistic school like Degrassi or West Beverly High, or an institution from a fantasy world like Hogwarts with its ghosts and dementors, or Bayside High, haunted by a monster known only to humans as Screech. Get your tickets here!

Also check out 7 Movies That Were Filmed In Terrifying Locations and 5 Photos That Shatter Your Image Of Horror Movie Locations.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 8 Places You’ll Recognize From The Background Of Every Movie, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also, follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/28/6-movie-locations-you-can-visit-but-probably-shouldnt/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/166892480217

[allofbeercom]

6 Movie Locations You Can Visit (But Probably Shouldn’t)

Some movies are so amazing that their greatness can’t be contained on a simple movie screen. It’s why the Wizarding World Of Harry Potter is a multi-billion-dollar venture and Disney continues to insert employees into permanently smiling horror-beasts. But not every tie-in attraction can be a runaway success — or attract throngs of rabid superfans who will trash your property (see: Breaking Bad) — especially these ones.

6

The Thrills Of Indiana Jones … As A Bed-And-Breakfast

Paramount Pictures

There are an endless number of things an Indy-themed attraction could involve — rolling boulders, snake pits, or melting Nazis come to mind. And the Indiana Jones Bed & Breakfast provides none of them. It’s just got beds. Also breakfast.

EasyBuy4u/iStock Indy presumably enjoyed breakfast in several unfilmed scenes.

Admittedly, this isn’t just any house; it was featured in Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade, where you’ll recall it as the least memorable location in the film. Venice, Nazi castles, a city carved into a cliff, and this:

tripadvisor.ca Petra this ain’t.

It gets maybe 20 seconds of film time, during which it communicates all the glamour you might expect to find in any old house. Glamour it carries to this day.

Indiana Jones Home Bed & Breakfast Walls. A VCR. Sconces even!

There’s really not much Indiana Jones in it at all. The room names are cute (The Cortez and Coronado rooms sound interesting; the Holy Grail room sounds better), and there are a few other plausibly Indy-related thingamabobs strewn about the house as well. But, honestly, if you’ve ever been camping or ever met a German person, you’ve probably had a more authentic Indiana Jones experience than this.

Indiana Jones Home Bed & Breakfast Twist: All the whips could be S&M-related.

5

The Twilight Tour That Doesn’t Show Anything From Twilight

Summit Entertainment

Despite the best efforts of internet snark-merchants, Twilight ended up being a pretty big deal. The books and the movies were incredibly popular, which has inspired throngs of fans to descend on the small town of Forks, Washington, where the franchise was set, to meet their own ancient, powerfully sexual vampires.

As a result, the town of 3,500 has slapped a thick coat of Twilight on everything in it. “Twilight” now clings to the name of many of the town’s establishments, to help remind everyone why they’re there. You know. Just in case someone drove to Forks, Washington, by accident.

Bobak Ha’Eri/Wiki Commons This was definitely worth looking at damp trees for 12 straight days of driving.

There are Twilight-themed coffee shops, and mailboxes, and quilts, and while that certainly is an impressive collection of Twilight, uh, physical matter, it’s lacking something, isn’t it? Like authenticity. Where are the actual shooting locations?

Well, there aren’t any. Because it turns out none of the movies were actually shot in Forks. Which means the Twilight tour must be at least a little disappointing. Although the tour guides are up front about it, at least a few fans have realized sadly that the only thing this place has in common with the Twilight franchise is a name and a preponderance of pale teenagers. The tour apparently consists of places in town that, shrug, might have been places from the books. (“There’s a house! It might have been Bella’s house!”) Evidently, the only thing there that looks remotely like something from the movie is a replica of Bella’s pick-up truck, and you’d better believe the town knows this. This is from the Forks chamber of commerce’s website:

forkswa.com The sparkling is from magic, not a cheap GIF, for those asking.

4

The Zombie Museum That Will Not Die

United Film Distribution Company

The Living Dead Museum has seen better days. It was originally located in Pennsylvania’s Monroeville Mall, which is a fantastic place for a zombie museum, being the shooting location of George Romero’s 1978 zombie classic Dawn Of The Dead. Sadly, though, it was forced to relocate after the mall succumbed to the bloodthirsty menace known as gentrification.

mapio.net That said, it does look nice with all the blood and limbs cleaned up.

The museum is now housed in Evans City, a small town an hour away. This was, admittedly, the place where Night Of The Living Dead was filmed. But that was a substantially less iconic location, and, well, it kind of shows.

Google Maps That’s the museum there next to the Subway.

Inside, it’s not that bad. It’s got photos, and posters, and a bunch of creepy mannequins, as you’d hope. It’s also got a wall covered in bloody hand prints for some reason.

Living Dead Museum Kind of puts us in the mood for Subway, actually.

But like every museum in the world ever, the real point here seems to be the gift shop, which is where it gets a little sad. Remember that mall the museum got kicked out of? Well they’re selling tiny pieces of the J.C. Penney escalator. Which seems a little clingy. The mall’s just not that into you, dude. Let it go. (Follow-up reaction: Also, what the hell is anyone going to do with a piece of an escalator?)

livingdeadmuseum.com “If you have a better way to repair my escalator, I’d like to hear it.”

3

The Twister Museum Is Located In The Thirstiest Town Ever

Warner Bros.

Somewhere in the tiny Oklahoma town of Wakita, an elderly local is telling a hapless visitor about the time Helen Hunt and a cow were attacked by a tornado. That time was 20 years ago now, but to Wakita, that time was everything.

Google Maps Imagine a one-horse town if that horse got bored and left 20 years ago.

In the mid ’90s, Wakita welcomed the Twister production into town with open arms. And why wouldn’t they? The producers promised to upgrade the town’s facade, knock down some old unwanted buildings, and clean up a bunch of debris. Which they did! On top of that, the locals hoped the film would revitalize the town’s economy, provide a steady tourism income for years, and make Wakita the go-to destination for Hollywood productions. Which it didn’t.

Google Maps Hollywood may have had trouble finding it again, actually.

But for two decades now, the town has steadfastly refused to see the uninterested writing on the wall. It’s even erected a Twister museum to pay homage to the 1996 blockbuster. Which is, uh, not exactly a big-budget affair. From the models depicting tornado ravaged dollhouses:

Eileen Blass/USA Today

To the “Twister debris” that’s really just a bunch of random detritus haphazardly scattered in a corner:

tripadvisor.com “See the genuine pile of garbage!”

It’s all very, very quaint. The museum’s success has been so limited that residents are willing to drop literally anything they’re doing for the opportunity to guide someone around piles of Hollywood rubble and spend hours chatting about their close encounter with film-industry elite. This museum is quite literally their only form of entertainment in town:

tripadvisor.com

So if you’re a die-hard Twister fan who also happens to be in the middle of nowhere, maybe check it out? The locals seem like nice people, at least. They could maybe use someone to talk to, as well. Also, maybe try showing up and talking about how much you love Armageddon, as a goof. Let us know how that goes.

2

Kevin Costner’s Kevin Costner-Themed Restaurant Is A Little Kevin Costner Heavy

Orion Pictures

Back in the ’90s, if you wanted to make a baseball movie or post-apocalyptic piece of crap, Kevin Costner was your guy.

Warner Bros. Also if you wanted your Robin Hood to have an American accent.

But Kevin Costner hasn’t been in too many movies recently, possibly because of all those jokes we made, but also because he’s been busy with his restaurant and casino! Located in Deadwood — which is an actual real-life town in South Dakota, apparently — it’s called the Midnight Star, and according to Kevin Costner, it’s the highlight of Deadwood.

themidnightstar.com Which is huge if true.

With the bare walls of the establishment — of all establishments, really — just begging to be Costner-ized, Costner hasn’t sat idle and has filled the place with memorabilia from his life. Props and costumes from classics like Field Of Dreams and Dances With Wolves line the walls, while a Bull Durham poster sexily watches people eat their baskets of calamari.

Orion Pictures “Could someone turn that thing around?”

But the downside of an extensive collection of Costner-bilia is that it reveals just how many turds he’s been in. What is The Guardian? Or Mr. Brooks? Up on the wall is some kind of doctor costume from the movie Dragonfly, which was about … dragons? Dragons that need doctors? To help fly again? Also there must be some Waterworld stuff there too, just haunting the place, making all the drinks taste a little bit like urine. (OK, that’s probably not true. But it should be.)

1

The Official Cheers Bars Had Dead-Eyed Robot Versions Of The Cast

CBS

Cheers taught us that all it takes to make your crippling substance-abuse problem tolerable is for everyone to know your name. Which is a fine premise to base an actual bar on as well, once you remove that pesky need for knowing or even caring about your customers’ names. Which is how Cheers-branded bars began popping up in airports and hotels across the world in the 1990s. Not only were these bars called Cheers, perched at the end of the bar in many of them were horrific Chuck E. Cheese’s automaton versions of Norm and Cliff.

United States Court of Appeals Fated to get hammered for their entire miserable existence.

As you can probably tell, the replicas were less than perfect. Cliff had no mustache, Norm had aged a good 20 years, and both looked quite a bit less like human beings than they did the embalmed corpses of political cartoons. These discrepancies may not have been an accident, perhaps done to avoid paying likeness rights to the actors; the robots’ names were also changed to “Hank” and “Bob.” If you think that seems like bullshit, you’re not alone: John Ratzenberger and George Wendt, the actors who played Cliff and Norm, thought so too and ended up suing Paramount over it, in a case that almost made it to the Supreme Court.

Roger L. Wollenberg/Pool via Bloomberg Where everybody knows your name because it’s written down on several important pieces of paper.

Yup, the United States Supreme Court had to decide whether shitty robot doppelgangers of sitcom characters swilling beer in airport bars were worth their time. Their eventual decision — “Nah, not really” — left it in the hands of a lower court, where the actors eventually settled with Paramount. We don’t know what the terms of that settlement were, but seeing as there don’t seem to be too many of those robots around anymore, we kind of hope they all ended up in George Wendt’s basement, where they’ve become his best friends.

You can check out Carolyn’s depressing Twitter account here.

What’s The Best Fictional School To Attend? In the muggle world, we’re not given the opportunity for a magical hat to tell us which school we should go to. Usually we just have to go to the high school closest to where we live or whatever college accepts our SAT scores and personal essay. This month, our goal is to determine what would be the best fictional school to go to. Join Jack, Daniel, and the rest of the Cracked staff, along with comedians Brandie Posey and Steven Wilber, as they figure out if it’s a realistic school like Degrassi or West Beverly High, or an institution from a fantasy world like Hogwarts with its ghosts and dementors, or Bayside High, haunted by a monster known only to humans as Screech. Get your tickets here!

Also check out 7 Movies That Were Filmed In Terrifying Locations and 5 Photos That Shatter Your Image Of Horror Movie Locations.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 8 Places You’ll Recognize From The Background Of Every Movie, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also, follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/28/6-movie-locations-you-can-visit-but-probably-shouldnt/