#are you in the skype group or???

[lamortwrites]

what is pbp ?

Play by post! It's sort of like written rp but for tabletop games -- the point of it is that you don't all have to try and be online at the same time, you can just post when you are around and the game slowly ticks along in the background

[sbnkalny]

Are you in a Skype group.

[hydnes]

It's a very strong feeling of second-hand embarrassment when you see someone who acts like a 15 year old still at 22 in the absolute worst ways ...

[six-of-ravens]

we've upgraded to "if another human says ANY WORD AT ALL TO ME I will just start screaming and never stop" so today is....great.

[xxacidnekoxx]

I hate how trauma causes more trauma causes more trauma causes more trauma until you find yourself safe one day saying "I have it now"

and then you have a new task called "grieving the child that you used to be who is gone now. . . grieving the lost time the 10 years spent in hell " and I can see wrinkles forming now and I never did art fights or adoptables I never did Skype or discord group movie call night with other artists... And I feel too old now to figure out how to do it and my energy is gone and I have responsibilities so I'm just 😭 crying a lot 😭 😭 a lot of things I just accept as "that ship has sailed"

But it reminds me a bit of being a kid and never gets to play the claw machine I always wanted to try it so bad. I guess there is always those things I guess that's why we draw art about it

[jakei95]

Regarding some false accusations and targeted harassment by HopelessPeaches TW: Harassment, mentions of gr**ming, d**th threats, s*icide idealization

For the past months, HopelessPeaches (also known as ThatRebelRosie on twitter) have kept harassing me and my husband Nyx with fake and exaggerated arguments. Every day she makes a post spreading rumors about how we are p*dophiles or that I hide groomers on my discord server/community which are completely false.

Even since I cutoff contact with the people from the GTC and their skype group, I tried to focus on growing up as a person and thanks to that we were able to keep our Discord server and community a safe space for people of all ages, claiming otherwise is just invalidating all the hard work people like Crystal or Pingu have done to keep our community safe.

We always tried to help our mod team and offered our support, we never forced them or exposed them to situations they didn't want to handle.  None of us were prepared for the sick people we have had to confront over the years, but together we were able to take actions against them.

HopelessPeaches is obsessed with us, claiming that every action we take is to hide something or that we are trying to silence her abuse (When it's the other way around, she completely ignores the abuse I had to endure). She has gone to the extent of saying I announced Underverse 0.7 Part 2 to hide something, when I had planned to announce the animation on my birthday months ago.

She has constantly made fun of my abuse and mental health, and has stayed completely silent about all the hate messages (Including death threats) that she and her community has sent my way over her false accusations.

As I already cleared with the people on my server, I am not ignoring what I might have done in the past, and I will always live with the remorse of not being a better person from the start, I will always live with that, but I have spent years trying to become a better person and fix my mistakes to never repeat them again, both with my close circles and my followers, but having someone that I don't know, exposing my mental health problems, making fun them, accuse me of suicide baiting (Everyone that knows me knows I have struggled with this since I was a teenager), and also accusing me of a crime that I have never committed, is affecting me physically and mentally.

She is doing the same thing to me that she suffered from years ago. This has to stop. I am not asking for the world to not hate me, I am asking for people to stop harassing us for things that we have already acknowledged and owned fully in the past. People can change for the better, we are not criminals.

We have no intentions to send hate to these people, but this has gone so public and we have gotten so many threats that I had to address it personally. HopelessPeaches , I don't know what exactly you want from me, or what do you expect is going to happen, but this is the last time I will ask you to stop harassing us. I don't care if you hate me or Nyx, if you want the Undertale community dies or whatever that's going on through your head. I am just asking you to leave us alone.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Prison-tech is a scam - and a harbinger of your future

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/14/minnesota-nice/#shitty-technology-adoption-curve

Here's how the shitty technology adoption curve works: when you want to roll out a new, abusive technology, look for a group of vulnerable people whose complaints are roundly ignored and subject them to your bad idea. Sand the rough edges off on their bodies and lives. Normalize the technological abuse you seek to inflict.

Next: work your way up the privilege gradient. Maybe you start with prisoners, then work your way up to asylum seekers, parolees and mental patients. Then try it on kids and gig workers. Now, college students and blue collar workers. Climb that curve, bit by bit, until you've reached its apex and everyone is living with your shitty technology:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/24/gwb-rumsfeld-monsters/#bossware

Prisoners, asylum seekers, drug addicts and other marginalized people are the involuntary early adopters of every form of disciplinary technology. They are the leading indicators of the ways that technology will be ruining your life in the future. They are the harbingers of all our technological doom.

Which brings me to Minnesota.

Minnesota is one of the first states make prison phone-calls free. This is a big deal, because prison phone-calls are a big business. Prisoners are literally a captive audience, and the telecommunications sector is populated by sociopaths, bred and trained to spot and exploit abusive monopoly opportunities. As states across America locked up more and more people for longer and longer terms, the cost of operating prisons skyrocketed, even as states slashed taxes on the rich and turned a blind eye to tax evasion.

This presented telco predators with an unbeatable opportunity: they approached state prison operators and offered them a bargain: "Let us take over the telephone service to your carceral facility and we will levy eye-watering per-minute charges on the most desperate people in the world. Their families – struggling with one breadwinner behind bars – will find the money to pay this ransom, and we'll split the profits with you, the cash-strapped, incarceration-happy state government."

This was the opening salvo, and it turned into a fantastic little money-spinner. Prison telco companies and state prison operators were the public-private partnership from hell. Prison-tech companies openly funneled money to state coffers in the form of kickbacks, even as they secretly bribed prison officials to let them gouge their inmates and inmates' families:

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2019/02/mississippi-corrections-corruption-bribery-private-prison-hustle/

As digital technology got cheaper and prison-tech companies got greedier, the low end of the shitty tech adoption curve got a lot more crowded. Prison-tech companies started handing out "free" cheap Android tablets to prisoners, laying the groundwork for the next phase of the scam. Once prisoners had tablets, prisons could get rid of phones altogether and charge prisoners – and their families – even higher rates to place calls right to the prisoner's cell.

Then, prisons could end in-person visits and replace them with sub-skype, postage-stamp-sized videoconferencing, at rates even higher than the voice-call rates. Combine that with a ban on mailing letters to and from prisoners – replaced with a service that charged even higher rates to scan mail sent to prisoners, and then charged prisoners to download the scans – and prison-tech companies could claim to be at the vanguard of prison safety, ending the smuggling of dope-impregnated letters and other contraband into the prison system.

Prison-tech invented some wild shit, like the "digital stamp," a mainstay of industry giant Jpay, which requires prisoners to pay for "stamps" to send or receive a "page" of email. If you're keeping score, you've realized that this is a system where prisoners and their families have to pay for calls, "in-person" visits, handwritten letters, and email.

It goes on: prisons shuttered their libraries and replaced them with ebook stores that charged 2-4 times the prices you'd pay for books on the outside. Prisoners were sold digital music at 200-300% markups relative to, say, iTunes.

Remember, these are prisoners: locked up for years or decades, decades during which their families scraped by with a breadwinner behind bars. Prisoners can earn money, sure – as much as $0.89/hour, doing forced labor for companies that contract with prisons for their workforce:

https://www.prisonpolicy.org/blog/2017/04/10/wages/

Of course, there's the odd chance for prisoners to make really big bucks – $2-5/day. All they have to do is "volunteer" to fight raging wildfires:

https://www.hcn.org/articles/climate-desk-wildfire-california-incarcerated-firefighters-face-dangerous-work-low-pay-and-covid19/

So those $3 digital music tracks are being bought by people earning as little as $0.10/hour. Which makes it especially galling when prisons change prison-tech suppliers, whereupon all that digital music is deleted, wiping prisoners' media collection out – forever (literally, for prisoners serving life terms):

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2018/08/captive-audience-how-floridas-prisons-and-drm-made-113m-worth-prisoners-music

Let's recap: America goes on a prison rampage, locking up ever-larger numbers of people for ever-longer sentences. Once inside, prisoners had their access to friends and family rationed, along with access to books, music, education and communities outside. This is very bad for prisoners – strong ties to people outside is closely tied to successful reentry – but it's great for state budgets, and for wardens, thanks to kickbacks:

https://www.prisonpolicy.org/blog/2021/12/21/family_contact/

Back to Minnesota: when Minnesota became the fourth state in the USA where the state, not prisoners, would pay for prison calls, it seemed like they were finally breaking the vicious cycle in which every dollar ripped off of prisoners' family paid 40 cents to the state treasury:

https://www.kaaltv.com/news/no-cost-phone-calls-for-those-incarcerated-in-minnesota/

But – as Katya Schwenk writes for The Lever – what happened next is "a case study in how prison communication companies and their private equity owners have managed to preserve their symbiotic relationship with state corrections agencies despite reforms — at the major expense of incarcerated people and their families":

https://www.levernews.com/wall-streets-new-prison-scam/

Immediately after the state ended the ransoming of prisoners' phone calls, the private-equity backed prison-tech companies that had dug their mouth-parts into the state's prison jacked up the price of all their other digital services. For example, the price of a digital song in a Minnesota prison just jumped from $1.99 to $2.36 (for prisoners earning as little as $0.25/hour).

As Paul Wright from the Human Rights Defense Center told Schwenk, "The ideal world for the private equity owners of these companies is every prisoner has one of their tablets, and every one of those tablets is hooked up to the bank account of someone outside of prison that they can just drain."

The state's new prison-tech supplier promises to double the amount of kickbacks it pays the state each year, thanks to an aggressive expansion into games, money transfers, and other "services." The perverse incentive isn't hard to spot: the more these prison-tech companies charge, the more kickbacks they pay to the prisons.

The primary prison-tech company for Minnesota's prisons is Viapath (nee Global Tel Link), which pioneered price-gouging on in-prison phone calls. Viapath has spent the past two decades being bought and sold by different private equity firms: Goldman Sachs, Veritas Capital, and now the $46b/year American Securities.

Viapath competes with another private equity-backed prison-tech giant: Aventiv (Securus, Jpay), owned by Platinum Equity. Together, Viapath and Aventiv control 90% of the prison-tech market. These companies have a rap-sheet as long as your arm: bribing wardens, stealing from prisoners and their families, and recording prisoner-attorney calls. But these are the kinds of crimes the state punishes with fines and settlements – not by terminating its contracts with these predators.

These companies continue to flout the law. Minnesota's new free-calls system bans prison-tech companies from paying kickbacks to prisons and prison-officials for telcoms services, so the prison-tech companies have rebranded ebooks, music, and money-transfers as non-communications products, and the kickbacks are bigger than ever.

This is the bottom end of the shitty technology adoption curve. Long before Ubisoft started deleting games that you'd bought a "perpetual license" for, prisoners were having their media ganked by an uncaring corporation that knew it was untouchable:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIqyvquTEVU

Revoking your media, charging by the byte for messaging, confiscating things in the name of security and then selling them back to you – these are all tactics that were developed in the prison system, refined, normalized, and then worked up the privilege gradient. Prisoners are living in your technology future. It's just not evenly distributed – yet.

As it happens, prison-tech is at the heart of my next novel, The Bezzle, which comes out on Feb 20. This is a followup to last year's bestselling Red Team Blues, which introduced the world to Marty Hench, a two-fisted, hard-bitten, high-tech forensic accountant who's spent 40 years busting Silicon Valley finance scams:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

In The Bezzle, we travel with Marty back to the mid 2000s (Hench is a kind of tech-scam Zelig and every book is a standalone tale of high-tech ripoffs from a different time and place). Marty's trying to help his old pal Scott Warms, a once-high-flying founder who's fallen prey to California's three-strikes law and is now facing decades in a state pen. As bad as things are, they get worse when the prison starts handing out "free" tablet and closing down the visitation room, the library, and the payphones.

This is an entry to the thing I love most about the Hench novels: the opportunity to turn all this dry, financial skullduggery into high-intensity, high-stakes technothriller plot. For me, Marty Hench is a tool for flensing the scam economy of all its layers of respectability bullshit and exposing the rot at the core.

It's not a coincidence that I've got a book coming out in a week that's about something that's in the news right now. I didn't "predict" this current turn – I observed it. The world comes at you fast and technology news flutters past before you can register it. Luckily, I have a method for capturing this stuff as it happens:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/

Writing about tech issues that are long-simmering but still in the periphery is a technique I call "predicting the present." It's the technique I used when I wrote Little Brother, about out-of-control state surveillance of the internet. When Snowden revealed the extent of NSA spying in 2013, people acted as though I'd "predicted" the Snowden revelations:

https://www.wired.com/story/his-writing-radicalized-young-hackers-now-he-wants-to-redeem-them/

But Little Brother and Snowden's own heroic decision have a common origin: the brave whistleblower Mark Klein, who walked into EFF's offices in 2006 and revealed that he'd been ordered by his boss at AT&T to install a beam-splitter into the main fiber trunk so that the NSA could illegally wiretap the entire internet:

https://www.eff.org/document/public-unredacted-klein-declaration

Mark Klein inspired me to write Little Brother – but despite national press attention, the Klein revelations didn't put a stop to NSA spying. The NSA was still conducting its lawless surveillance campaign in 2013, when Snowden, disgusted with NSA leadership for lying to Congress under oath, decided to blow the whistle again:

https://apnews.com/article/business-33a88feb083ea35515de3c73e3d854ad

The assumption that let the NSA get away with mass surveillance was that it would only be weaponized against the people at the bottom of the shitty technology adoption curve: brown people, mostly in other countries. The Snowden revelations made it clear that these were just the beginning, and sure enough, more than a decade later, we have data-brokers sucking up billions in cop kickbacks to enable warrantless surveillance, while virtually following people to abortion clinics, churches, and protests. Mass surveillance is chugging its way up the shitty tech adoption curve with no sign of stopping.

Like Little Brother, The Bezzle is intended as a kind of virtual flythrough of what life is like further down on that curve – a way for readers who have too much agency to be in the crosshairs of a company like Viapath or Avently right now to wake up before that kind of technology comes for them, and to inspire them to take up the cause of the people further down the curve who are mired in it.

The Bezzle is an intense book, but it's also a very fun story – just like Little Brother. It's a book that lays bare the internal technical workings of so many scams, from multi-level marketing to real-estate investment trusts, from music royalty theft to prison-tech, in the course of an ice-cold revenge plot that keeps twisting to the very last page.

It'll drop in six days. I hope you'll check it out:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

[lolaandthens0me]

Hi Lola ! First of all I'm quite a fan of your tumblr :-) You wrote that you met your best friend as a roomate years ago, and that he is ABDL too. That's astonishing ! Can you tell us the story ? I'm so damn curious ! Thaaaaanks ! Xoxo

Helloooo!

My best friend/housemate first reached out to me via Reddit. My Wasband and I were quite active within the online ABDL community in Tumblr and Reddit some years ago. I had posted in the subreddit group focused on ABDL couples about how my then husband and I found and maintained our ABDL dynamics within our marriage. Teddy reached out to us via Reddit message because he was struck by our thoughtful and kind comments and posts. We all became friends and after months of messaging and Skype chatting, we discovered that we lived relatively near to each other. It still took months to finally meet up in person…but we did! And that was the beginning of our friendship and my foray out into the real world community instead of only online interactions.

My advice here is to be a real person, put in the time and effort to create a genuine connection and friendship outside of the kink, and then follow through with your words and actions. Teddy has been there for me in every aspect of my life over the past few years. We happen to share the same kink and have so much fun playing within that in our circle of friends, but mostly we’re there for each other as humans. The diapers are just the icing on top.

@teddybear-withme 💛 🧁

[sbnkalny]

Well, allow me to fill you in. The effluvium in the vale has been getting denser. That woman over there is the one who discovered it, while she was out investigating. Thankfully, she alerted me to the anomaly at once.

The commander will fill you in on his broomstick. The tentacles ARE ARMED with stinging cells in their habitat, but their numbers have been getting out of here. 6) pour the hot concrete floor while she cover her mouth and her first mate blather in a scheme by the two genders: clown and human. Thankfully, kalny, we measured my CAT today and don’t Party too hard and your brain

[applesauce42069]

Tomorrow is my birthday and it’s my first birthday in the Israeli family group chat. One of the grandmas has like a list of every single birthday In the family and every birthday the chat is filled with Mazel Tovs, whether it’s for someone in the well connected larger family in Israel, or one of us in the smaller, rather disconnected family in Canada (except for Saba who Skypes his brothers all the time). Usually my mom sends me screenshots of people’s birthday wishes for me and thanks them but this time I get to see it myself and say thank you!!

[manchestereyes]

can we talk about these tweets for a second?

we know the pining is so strong here but read it again. really take the words in.

"i want to be there" - of course by this point, the pining was in full force. they'd been flirting back and forth for weeks now. they were already obsessed with each other, but weren't yet sure how deep the other's love had grown.

but after months of texting back and forth and hours of late night skype calls, dan was feeling more alive than he'd felt in years. possibly ever. finally, he'd found someone who understood him and accepted even the parts of him dan was certain no one would ever accept. and that someone was the person he'd been dreaming about for the past 2 years? surely this was a dream. but no, it's real.

"so you don't have to be brave" - this was it. this was dan laying his heart out there. he knew far too well how it felt to lie awake in fear, knowing you may never get to sleep. and it shattered him to know phil might have been feeling the same way. in this moment, he knew he'd fight off every one of phil's demons. even the ones that plagued dan himself too. if dan was there, he'd wrap his arms around phil and never let go. he'd let phil feel as scared as he needed to feel because phil had let dan feel broken and still wanted him.

and can you imagine how phil felt when he saw this?? finally, after years of feeling so lonely amongst his different friend groups, here was someone who understood him and wanted to be there for phil no matter what. someone who accepted phil's every emotion and cradled them with the utmost care in the world.

and yet. and yet he was a 3 and a half hour train ride away and phil had some exciting new youtube things coming up so it's not like he could make the journey whenever he wants. not to mention the price of a journey that long is absurd. yet it's nights like this where he would absolutely throw caution out the window if he could just to be with dan. so with his heart squeezing tighter than it's ever done before, he types out a simple "<3" in reply. because some moments don't need words. because for better or worse, dan has phil's entire heart now. but somehow phil knows he'll treat it with the gentle care he puts into everything.

so even though it's still 8 days until they meet, phil knows they'll be just fine. and he can't wait to share all these moments with dan, for as long as dan will have him.

[six-of-ravens]

my kingdom for project managers that actually want to know and put in effort to retain information about how our system/the internet in general works instead of just handwaving everything we say and then making up the most insane shit possible and telling it to clients/each other as if it's fact.

[the-californicationist]

🎃 Kinktober 2023 🎃

This is the masterlist for The Californicationist's Kinktober 2023 titled "Gauntlet". All of these fics are Price/Reader focused with the exception of the group sex fics.

All works should be considered restricted to 18+. MDNI - no exceptions.

He Dreams of Blueberries [Somnophilia] Price/Reader - 657

He Helps You Study [Freeuse] Price/Reader - 979

He Gives Great Gifts [Toys] Price/Reader - 1.7k

He Calls Your Cell Phone [Phone Sex] Price/Reader - 834

He Hosts a Skype Meeting [Cock Warming] Price/Reader - 1.2k

He Paints a Picture [Period Sex/Blood Kink] Price/Reader - 1.6k

He Lets You Watch [Femdom/Porn Watching] Price/Reader - 2.3k

He Washes Your Hair [Hurt/Comfort] Price/Reader - 1.8k

He Meets You for Lunch [Thigh Riding] Price/Reader - 1065

They Help You Practice [Gangbang] 141/Reader - 5.5k

He Watches You Watch Him [Secret/Silent Sex] Price/Reader - 1.2k

They Think They're Sneaky [Voyeurism] Price/Reader & Soap/Ghost - 993

He Trims His Beard [Shaving/Pirate] Price/Reader - 2.2k

He Loses His Patience [Exhibition/Sadism] Price/Reader - 2.7k

He Swims in the Hot Tub [Pool Kink?] Price/Reader - 848

He Comes Closer and Closer [Part 1: Femdom] Price/Reader - 1.7k

He Exacts His Revenge [Part 2: Dom!Price] Price/Reader - 1.8k

He Takes Your Breath Away [Wrestling/Choking] Price/Reader - 1.7k

He Rescues You [Predicament Bondage] Price/Reader - 1.8k

He Finds a Safe House [One Bed] Price/Reader - 1.6k

He Buys You Jewelry [Piercing Kink] Price/Reader - 1.4k

He Teaches You New Tricks [Anal Virginity] Price/Reader - 3.1k

He Hungers for You [Monster] Price/Reader - 4.1k

He Opens the Mail [Sex Pollen] Price/Reader - 1.3k

He Doesn't Disappoint [Cuckolding] Price/Reader - 2.4k

He Cleans Up Nice [Uniform Kink] Price/Reader - 1.4k

He Shows You Off [Exhibition] (Part 2 to #14) Price/Reader & 141/Reader - 1.9k

He Hunts You Down [Primal/CNC/Powerplay] Price/Reader - 2.5k

He Changes Your Mind [Breeding] Price/Reader - 2k

He Drains You Dry [Lactation] Price/Reader - 3.2k

[may-russell]

Everything has changed 💌

Summary: Y/N and Hamzah ‘dated’ in elementary school, a puppy love that made them the talk of the playground. Eventually, they grew apart and lost contact, but years later, an unexpected encounter in college brings them back together, sparkling old feelings and memories. Now they wonder if their childhood bond could turn into something more…

Word count: 557

Genre: Fluff

!hamzah x fem reader

Chapter 1: Love Bugs 🐞

Y/N remembered the first day she met Hamzah like it was yesterday. It was the start of fourth grade, and the classroom buzzed with joy as everyone settled into their new desks. Y/N had just moved to town and didn’t know anyone yet. She felt a mix of nerves and excitement as she walked into the classroom, clutching her backpack tightly.

That’s when she saw him—a curly haired boy with big, brown eyes and a contagious smile. He was sitting at the back of the class, doodling on his notebook. As Y/N walked past, he looked up and grinned.

“Hi, I’m Hamzah,” he said, his voice cheerful and inviting. “Do you want to sit here?”

Y/N nodded, relieved to have found a friendly face. “I’m Y/N,” she replied, taking the seat next to him. “I just moved here.”

From that moment on, Y/N and Hamzah were inseparable. They spent their recesses playing on the swings, chasing each other around the playground, and sharing stories about their families and favorite cartoons. Y/N loved how easy it was to talk to Hamzah, how he always made her laugh and listened to her every word.

As the school year went on, their bond only grew stronger. They became known as the best of friends, always seen together in the hallways, at lunchtime, and on the bus ride home. They even had a secret handshake that only they knew, and matching lucky bracelets that Y/N made them as a symbol of their special friendship.

By the time fifth grade rolled around, Y/N and Hamzah’s friendship had blossomed into something more. They didn’t talk about it openly, but they both felt it—a silent connection that made their time together even more special.

One sunny afternoon, as they sat on their favorite swing set during recess, Hamzah turned to Y/N with a thoughtful expression.

“Do you ever think about what it would be like to have a first kiss?” he asked, his cheeks turning pink.

Y/N felt her heart flutter. She had thought about it, of course, but she never imagined having this conversation with Hamzah. “Yeah, sometimes,” she admitted, looking down at her hands.

Hamzah hesitated for a moment before continuing. “Do you think… maybe we could try it? Just to see what it’s like?”

Y/N’s heart raced as she nodded, her stomach a swirl of butterflies. “Okay,” she whispered.

They leaned in slowly, their faces inches apart, “I’m nervous” the boy admitted, “Close your eyes”, Y/N hoping to ease his worry, and then, with a mix of excitement and nervousness, they shared their first kiss. It was a quick, innocent peck, but it felt like the most magical moment in the world. When they pulled away, they both burst into giggles, their cheeks flushed with happiness.

“What’s that?,” Hamzah said, licking his lips.

“Oh, it’s my strawberry shortcake lip balm. 😊”

As they continued to swing together, they both knew that their friendship had turned into something special. Something sweet.

After that, their days were filled with numerous playdates at each other’s houses, teaming up for every group project they had in class, making little gifts for the other, (like valentines day cards ;) ), holding hands in the hallways, chatting on skype for hours after school, etc.

But eventually, they grew up. They weren’t interested in running around catching bugs in the playground anymore. They both made new friends and moved on, still talking occasionally, until Y/N moved schools in middle school.

Since then, they never saw each other again.

—————————————————————

Hamzah always talks about his 5th grade relationships so I thought it would be fun to write about it. Also, I re-found this Taylor Swift song I used to love as a kid and it fits perfectly with the story!!! (I think)

Chapter 2: Fate.

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 51)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap, Triggers, Smut

With the wedding coming up, Cillian and you made even more of an effort to remain on good terms than you ever did before. While he was away, filming the Peaky Blinders Movie, you video called him so that Mara could see her daddy every day.

Every day, before she went to bed, you allowed Cillian to read her a story over the webcam, whenever he was able to.

It was a small gesture that meant a lot to Mara, and it helped her and Cillian to maintain a connection despite the distance.

Your therapist welcomed the positive communication and reminded you that you were doing an implacable job by keeping him involved even despite his busy schedule. 

During that time, you also noticed a slight change in Cillian's behavior. He seemed more relaxed, more at ease with himself, and with you. 

"So, what's the plan for Mara's birthday next week?" he asked one evening when he skyped in from London.

"I was thinking a party actually. She has been at daycare twice a week and made some friends. I was going to invite them and their parents. My mum, Siobhan and Emma are coming too, and I think even your mum is driving down from Cork. I also invited two friends from my mother's group," you said, filled with enthusiasm for Mara's big day.

Cillian chuckled, his eyes filled with warmth. "Sounds like you got everything planned out," he said, sounding genuinely pleased. 

"You know it would be nice for Mara if you could come,"  you added, hoping that he might be able to make the trip.

"I would love to," he said, "but you know I can't leave the set, Y/N. I have a busy schedule filming and I'm just hoping that things will ease up a bit in the next couple of weeks," Cillian said with sadness in his voice. 

You couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment, but you knew that filming was important for Cillian's career.

"I know, but what I am saying is that you are more than welcome to come if you wanted to," you repeated, looking him straight in the eyes through the camera.

"And I appreciate that, really," he nodded, taking a deep breath. "But I still need to wrap up this movie." 

"I understand," you said softly, biting your bottom lip. "And, you know, you can always celebrate with her when you come back by taking her to the zoo or something. She probably won't remember the party anyway, but she will also remember the zoo," you chuckled, seeing how it was Mara's favorite place to go these days. 

"You are probably right you know," Cillian conceded, his expression softening even further. "Now, did you call the carpenter to fix up the shelving in the living room? I told him that you would call and to invoice for it. You might need that done before the party," he continued, seeing how one of the built in shelves had collapsed after you tried to carry out some DYI work on it. 

"No, he can't do it until the week after next, but Sean offered to fix it for me before the party which is nice,"  you informed him, noticing how Cillian's expression changed for a second.

"Sean, huh?" Cillian chuckled; his expression unreadable but you could hear a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Don't start, Cillian! Don't fucking start!" you shot back with irk, already feeling the familiar burn in the pit of your stomach.

"I didn't even say anything," Cillian smirked, his eyes glimmering as he studied your reaction.

"Then why are you acting the way you are when I bring up his name?" you asked, rolling your shoulders back, trying to release some tension in your body.

"I'm not. It's none of my business who you spend your time with so long as you keep Mara out of it," Cillian growled, scratching the back of his neck impatiently.

"You know what, I was actually thinking about inviting him to the party, as a friend of course and only if you would allow it. Because he has been a big help those last few days, running errands for me for her party while I was sitting my exams and he asked me whether he could come," you told Cillian nonchalantly, secretly enjoying his reaction.

"Oh, did he now?" Cillian said with a sigh as he adjusted the display setting. "So, you two are getting more serious then?" he enquired  without looking at you.

You could tell he was slightly irritated, he clearly didn't want to give you the satisfaction of seeing it on his face.

"Well, we are still taking things slow and we not being too serious about it. We agreed on no labels, but I still only consider him as a friend, with benefits,"  you replied, being brutally honest while watching Cillian's reactions closely.

"So poor Sean is still in the friend zone then, eh?"  Cillian quipped, the corner of his mouth curling into a slight smirk before he quickly hid it.

You noticed it, and it stung a little, but you tried not to let it get to you.

"Yes," you confirmed, doing your best to maintain a neutral expression. "He has been very supportive and helpful lately and I like having him around, but there is no pressure between us. We are both free to see other people. That's the way it is for now."

Cillian nodded, turning his gaze back to the camera. "Fair enough and thank you for clarifying your relationship status for me. I just hope he knows that too, because I am not the one who needs convincing Y/N," Cillian said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Whatever Cillian. Can you just give me an answer?"  you asked, your patience wearing thin.

Cillian's smirk faded, to be replaced by a look of annoyance. "What do you want me to say, Y/N? I don't want Sean around my daughter," he said firmly.

You let out a frustrated sigh. "Why not? He is a decent person and Mara won't even know who he is. There are other people there who are no more than friends either and there most certainly won't be any public display of affection," you argued , trying to reason with him.

Cillian sighed deeply, knowing that he couldn't win this argument. "Fine. He can come, but only if you make sure that nothing happens between the two of you that Mara might see, at least not until you are serious about him which, it clearly seems, will never happen," he relented , eliminating any obvious doubts in your mind.

***

Your mind began working overtime to decide a strategic approach to the situation. On one hand, you were glad that Cillian was allowing Sean to attend the party, but on the other hand, the caveat gave you a sense of unease. 

You explained the situation to Sean on your next date when your mother was looking after Mara and, much to your surprise, he was very understanding about it.

"My parents separated when I was twelve Y/N. I get it, so don't worry, okay? I don't even have to come. I can help you set up and then leave before Mara and your mum arrive," Sean suggested, trying to make things as easy as possible for both of you.

"I really appreciate that Sean, but I don't want you to feel like you have to leave on my account, especially since you have been helping me so much those last few days," you  told him sincerely.

"And I like helping you Y/N, because I know that being a single mum can be hard. Your ex hasn't really been making an effort to be here for Mara lately, so if I can do anything to help, I will," Sean replied with conviction.

"Cillian is away filming. That's his job Sean," you explained wearily, wondering if he had brought this up to upset you or validate his actions. 

"I know, but he should really make an effort to be there for his daughter's first birthday, don't you think?"  Sean queried, a hint of frustration coloring his voice.

"Maybe, but it's not my place to say or judge what he does, because he is still looking after us both," you responded, attempting to defuse the tension that had suddenly risen between you. "So, lets change the topic shall we?" you suggested, trying to keep the mood light and pleasant. 

"I am sorry Y/N. You are right," Sean sighed, taking a deep breath before giving you a gentle kiss.

***

Later that day, after you picked up Mara and Sean went his separate way to catch up with some of his friends, he couldn't help but feel slightly let down by the conversation he had with you about the upcoming birthday party and confided in a friend about it.

"Dude, you're acting like you are in some kind of relationship with this chick," his friend Mark joked, taking a swig of his beer. "You told me that you two agreed to be friends with benefits. You don't owe her anything other than your time while you are hooking up and she doesn't owe you anything either! So why do you even want to go to that kid's birthday party?"

Sean sighed, shaking his head as he stared out the bar window at the busy cobblestone street outside.

"Because I want to make an effort for her daughter and make her see that I could actually be right for her, you know?" Sean replied, finally giving voice to his true feelings. "It's just that she is so damn stubborn most of the time, and I know that she still has feelings for her ex, which I can't really compete with."

Mark chuckled, slapping Sean on the back. "Well, he is Thomas Fucking Shelby, man," he laughed, burying the rest of his beer in one swift gulp. 

"You are not helping Mark!" Sean rolled his eyes at his friend's remark. "I am trying here, you know?"  Sean said, sighing again, exasperated.

"I know, and Y/N is a lucky woman to have you," Mark smiled, clinking his empty bottle against Sean's before signaling for another round. "But dude, you need to just relax and stop worrying about her ex. If she wants to be with you, she will. It's that simple."

"She said she just wants to be friends and I don't even want her to meet you guys because I am worried that I will look like a fool when she decides to go back to  her ex," Sean sighed, sitting down on the couch in his apartment, feeling frustrated. "I mean, how am I seriously going to compete with someone like him, a famous fucking Hollywood actor?" Sean mumbled to himself as he paced around his apartment. 

"You may not be able to, but she may also just play hard to get, which is what a lot of women seem to do these days," Mark reminded him thoughtfully as he watched Sean struggle with his thoughts. "Maybe you should focus on being the best version of yourself for your sake and not for hers, and then she will soon see if you are right for her or not," Mark added with a raised eyebrow. "Or you could find something that makes her ex look really bad. He is famous enough, so surely, with the right help, you can dig up some dirt," Mark suggested with a sly grin and Sean's brow furrowed as he contemplated Mark's words, his mind racing with ideas of how he could ruin Cillian for you, once and for all. 

"Maybe I should try, yeah, but I don't want to fight dirty. Despite, I don't even know him or anyone who hangs out with him other than Y/N herself," he said, his morals preventing him from considering such a devious course of action.

"Well, let me help you then," Mark offered, pulling out his phone and conducting a quick online search. "I work for the Irish Times after all," his friend smirked,  focusing on the task at hand. 

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[dblsoul]

nightcord at 2500 is such a funny group name tho like. skype call at 3pm. midday microsoft teams meeting. could you imagine