#are the most vile and vicious and somehow women are the target

[justaholeinmysoul]

Men(all men all kinds ) on tumblr 🤝 non men(all ) so called open minded liberal feminists

Hating on Cis het women

[txttletale]

having seen it a few times on here now the argument that the 'TMA/TME' distinction is racist because it somehow discounts the racialization of gender and the violent degendering of Black women is not only on its face vacuous but also just rooted in vile transmisogynoir the more you think about it for even ten seconds. as if Black trans women don't exist and aren't, in fact, the targets of some of the most vicious marginalization possible precisely because they are both Black and TMA. (for just one example, Black trans women make up the majority of murders of trans people globally). just a complete discounting of not only their oppression but their existence. maddening!

[jerzwriter]

I am so sorry for the crap that's been happening to you. You don't deserve it. No one deserves it. But you particularly have never been anything but nice and welcoming and supportive to everyone. Literally everyone, even those who don't deserve it.

The sort of tremendous jealousy that people who send hate anons live with must be unbearable. Imagine spending that much time and energy trying to drag others down instead of simply focusing on your own stuff.

There are far more people here who support you and love you. Ignore the haters. It speaks volumes about their character, and zero about yours that they would engage in this type of harassment and bullying.

They just want the attention. They're desperate for a fraction of the attention that you get just from being a good writer and a decent human. And instead of trying to be those things themselves, they think that targeting you will somehow bring them the attention that they so desperately crave. It's sad really. What they really need is some mental health help. It ain't normal to act like that.

Keep your head up. Same to anyone else out there who's dealing with this. Because it's not you, it's them. People who send hate anonymously are cowards, bullies and unspeakably pathetic.

Hey Nonny,

Before I begin, I want to thank you. While 99% of asks are positive or fun, after a week of getting hate, I begin to dread notifications. So, when I saw this, it really touched me more than you know. That you took the time and energy to write this... I swear, I can't thank you enough.

Still, I almost didn't post this. Why? Because I know how some factions of our fandom work. I could already see the haters saying: "Oh, that's self-sent!" or "Did you see what she posted? She's such a conceited/narcissistic bitch." And trust me... those comments will happen. It becomes easy to second guess everything you say or do here, and, at the end of the day, it's fruitless. Because you never know what will trigger nasty, unstable people. I mean, the most vicious hate I ever got stemmed from apologizing for being behind on asks. (Because that makes sense.) I'm here to have fun. If I want to live in a tinderbox, I'll start accepting more invitations to family reunions (that's not happening! lol).

I appreciate your kind words more than you know, but like many people (especially women), they're not easy to hear. Isn't it awful that we take the bad things people say about us to heart more than the good things? That's why anon hate hurts... but we need to take that power back. Like you said, normal people don't go around trying to hurt others like this. It's pathological. Here's a quote I want everyone to memorize:

"Don't accept criticism from someone you wouldn't go to for advice."

I forget this myself at times... but it's true, and we all need to abide by it. People who send anonymous hate are vile cowards. And would any of us willingly seek advice from someone like that? I wouldn't unless it is to do the opposite. So, in that way, hate anons become fanmail. A terrible person doesn't like me? Well, that's good; I wouldn't want them to. Mission accomplished.

I want us all to remember we're here for fun. I will never understand where all this jealousy and hatred comes from. It's so unnecessary.

I want to thank you again. I wish I could give you a big hug. 💗 And I want to send a big hug out to others who are dealing with this crap because no one deserves it. 💗💗💗

And remember, it's like 1% of the fandom that creates 99% of the problems. The majority of people here are really good, kind people, like this anon. Thank you again! 💗

[inactivedaddymemeyard]

I Don’t Fucking Care

Kevin and Aaron are Bisexual and in love. Spread the word. This is basically the beginning of Kevaaron with references to past Katelyn/Aaron set to Idfc by Blackbear.

Ao3: here

He is the Kevin Day. He doesn’t get crushes. He is bisexual, but he’d always favored the women over the men while in The Nest. He was too scared all the time to think about his sexuality or anything remotely close to it for the first two years he was out. But now he’s not only out. He’s safe. He is the Kevin Day and he is confused. He keeps finding himself drawn to Aaron. It doesn’t make sense to him at all. Aaron has always been cold to him. And yet Kevin can’t remember a single time during those first two years that he wasn’t around Andrew. Kevin had heard from Nicky years ago that Aaron opened up more when Andrew wasn’t around.

Kevin found himself agreeing with that now that Andrew and Aaron’s deal was over. Kevin had seen Aaron blossom under Katelyn’s affections and had felt jealousy. At first he thought his jealousy was directed at the fact that even Aaron had someone who loved him, but recently Kevin has started to realize that maybe it wasn’t Aaron he was jealous of, but Katelyn. The epiphany had knocked Kevin on his ass. He’d already known that he found Aaron attractive because he’d found Andrew attractive all those years ago when he’d tried to recruit him for the Ravens. As with Andrew, Kevin found the bud of attraction he’d felt squashed by how much he disliked their personalities. Andrew and Aaron were similar in their looks and in their abrasive, shitty personalities. So was Kevin, now that he thought about it.

There was a need in Aaron that Kevin recognized and felt in himself. He’d seen it firsthand. He saw the way Aaron bloomed beneath attention and affection; he saw it every time Wymack praised his play and every time Nicky went out of his way to talk to and care for Aaron specifically. Kevin felt that need resonate in his soul every time Neil patted his shoulder after a good practice and every time Abby said “Kevin, dear”. They’d been starved for too long. They were not broken so thoroughly by their abusers that it destroyed the need for love and affection like Andrew and Neil. They actually loved their abusers. They still need love in some way.

Aaron had found his love with Katelyn only to lose it with anger and callousness that she could not understand or tolerate. Kevin didn’t blame her. Each of the Foxes had something that made it difficult for them to blend in with the untainted masses. He and Aaron just happened to have similar setbacks. Being abused by someone you loved and depended on is not something that is easily overcame. They both had felt the crushing need for someone, anyone to say those three stupid fucking words. They both hated them and needed them.

Maybe that was Kevin’s issue. They were so similar is was impossible not to feel connected.

“Lying to even yourself now.” A quiet voice in his mind mocked him.

That’s exactly what he was doing. He knew it was more than their similarities that kept drawing his eyes to Aaron. He knew it was because Aaron had bloomed with Katelyn and once she was gone he had wilted. Kevin had found himself angry with the other Foxes in those months after their break up. How could no one see how quiet Aaron had become? Kevin rationally knew that he only noticed because he had only be able to enjoy Aaron’s quick wit and dry humor for a short time before he withdrew back to his old self. Kevin mourned the loss and no one else noticed or cared. These past few weeks Kevin kept finding himself gravitating to Aaron when he could see the blonde’s mind wander.

One day at practice Aaron seemed even more withdrawn and shut down so Kevin nudged Nicky and nodded his head to Aaron’s slumped form on the couch. Nicky’s entire body drooped as he took in the sight of his cousin staring at nothing, seemingly dead to the world.

“We passed the Vixens on the way over.” Nicky supplied, his voice full of pity.

Kevin found himself going easy on Aaron for the rest of the day, which had shocked him to his core. When Aaron’s shoulders slumped and his racquet drooped in his hands Kevin called for a break. As the rest of the team made their way to the restrooms and water fountains Aaron didn’t even lift his head to look up from the ground. Kevin ran a hand through his sweat-damp hair before making his way over to the shorter man.

“Neil is being even more of a dick today.” Kevin probed hesitantly.

Talking shit about Neil was always a good way to cheer Aaron up, and one that Kevin enjoyed doing anyways. Today Aaron didn’t give him a devious smirk or call Neil a “fucking twat”, he didn’t say a word. Kevin was growing increasingly worried as he watched Aaron’s hazel eyes slowly lift from the floor to meet his own. When Aaron had finally made eye contact with Kevin he just nodded.

“If you manage to trip him I’ll buy you whatever alcohol you want.” Kevin offered with a small smile.

Aaron’s mouth twitch up minutely before he nodded once again. That was good enough for Kevin, so he turned and started to walk away.

“It’s a deal. You’re doing fine by the way, keep it up.” Kevin threw over his shoulder as he made his way to the water fountain.

He almost missed the surprised blink and slight flush that signaled Aaron had heard and appreciated what Kevin had said.

That was the first time Kevin realized his attraction to Aaron might not be purely physical. He definitely wasn’t ready to think about how much he was attracted to Aaron or for what reasons.

“I can’t wait till we go to Eden’s” Kevin found himself grumbling as he slammed close the biography he’d been blankly staring at for the past hour.

Tell me pretty lies,

Look me in the face,

Tell me that you love me,

Even if it's fake,

'Cause I don't fucking care, at all

Aaron knew Kevin was being nice to him. Aaron wasn’t a fucking baby. He didn’t need Kevin to take care of him. He didn’t need those goddamn green eyes looking at him with that much care in them. He certainly didn’t need Kevin’s fake ass praise. He had played like shit Monday and Kevin giving him that pretty little lie was just pity. It had to be pity. Aaron wasn’t about to let himself think it was anything deeper. Who cares if he couldn’t stop watching Kevin? Not Aaron, that’s for sure. Katelyn had left him because he was an asshole. He knew he had been an asshole to her too many times. He just couldn’t stop the anger that ignited his blood. It coursed through him all the time, the only time it left was when it was replaced with fear. Anger and fear were Aaron’s only true companions. Katelyn was untainted, there was no way she could understand why she both scared him and left him awestruck. No one could truly understand why he lashed out all the time.

He knew why though, had had years and years to mull over why he was always angry. He knew he lashed out at the people around him because he wanted to lash out at his life. At the shitty hand he’d been dealt, at the mother who made it worse, at the brother who should’ve been his salvation but was his damnation, at the cousin he hadn’t even known before he’d tried to change Aaron. Aaron wanted to scream and hit and burn for the past five years. His mom was supposed to love him and yet he beat and neglected him. The drugs were supposed to take him away but most nights they just left him numb but present. And then Andrew had come into his life with promises of protection and had taken away the only person who’d ever loved him. He had put so much hope into having a brother and Andrew had promptly set it all ablaze. Andrew did not love him, could not love him (at least not in the way he needed). Andrew had in his own warped way saved Aaron, but it’d taken Aaron years to understand that. He still struggles with the idea that Andrew does actually care about Aaron, and had protected him. He struggles with letting go of the love he has for his mother. He struggles with the love he receives from Nicky.

He had questioned Nicky’s loyalty and love for a long time before realizing that Nicky was the kind of person that took every person they knew and placed them securely in his heart. Aaron admired Nicky’s willingness to love. Nicky had been neglected and abused the same as Aaron. It might have been with words instead of fists, but it was just as damaging. Aaron knew deep down why Nicky made sure that his family knew he cherished them, it was the same reason as the Foxes other backliner. Nicky was determined to make sure no one knew the cold isolation of friends or family not caring about them. Aaron knew that was why Nicky had shown up, unwilling to let anyone else deal with his father’s neglect, and yet Aaron had been so unwilling to let anyone else in that he had lashed out at Nicky over and over again. He targeted his sexuality because it was the easiest way to get Nicky to back off, and because Aaron had grown up hearing the slurs and insults so they came easily to his lips. Looking back over those first four years he regrets those vile words leaving his mouth. He was not homophobic, had never really been.

He was an asshole, plain and simple. When he was angry he found himself saying anything at all to hurt someone. It was something he had been trying to work on with Betsy for the past couple months. The only one who hadn’t walked away from his anger was Kevin. Kevin with his gorgeous eyes and vicious words had somehow heard the frustration behind his fire. Kevin had also noticed his need for affection, and Aaron would curse him for that if he hadn’t noticed Kevin’s need for it as well.

Aaron knows that he is not bisexual, and certainly not attracted to Kevin. Aaron also knows that Kevin is model worthy. More importantly, Aaron knows that Kevin is a fucking dick. Luckily for Kevin relationships were forbidden at The Nest because he’s probably never realized he’s undateable, not that Aaron has any room to stand on since he too is apparently not dateable.  They’re both too callous, too easy to lash out, too easy to anger.

Aaron had never really payed attention to how similar he and Kevin actually were, and now that he has he can’t stop seeing it. He can’t stop thinking about Monday. He can’t stop thinking about those fucking green eyes and Kevin’s hand running those his dark hair when he’s anxious or stressed. He can’t stop thinking about how Kevin always licks his lips before saying something he’s clearly rehearsed in his mind.

Aaron is startled out of his thoughts as the bedroom door opens and Andrew says, “Let’s go.”

Eden’s is packed and Aaron is grateful. He’s going to get as drunk as safely possible and make out with at least one person tonight. He’s been mourning Katelyn for over a month already and he’s tired of being alone and sad.

Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky waited at a chair-less table for Andrew and Neil to return with drinks.

“We should probably try to find two chairs for Andrew and Neil.” Nicky chirped from the other side of Kevin’s broad chest.

Aaron scoffed at the same time Kevin said, “Why would we do that?”

Nicky was still giving them a disappointed look when Andrew and Neil came back with a tray of drinks. Aaron downed his third of the tray quickly and made his way to the bar for more.

“Damn dude don’t hurt yourself.” Roland chastised him as he poured four more shots for Aaron.

Aaron lifted his middle finger and held Roland's eyes as he knocked back each glass, only putting his finger down when he’d finished all of them. Roland gave him the look he seemed to only use on Aaron and his family before turning to serve someone else. Aaron made his way back to the table and was surprised to see Nicky still at the table with his brother and Neil.

“Jesus Aaron how many did you just do? I am so not carrying you and Kevin back into the house tonight!” Nicky whined.

Aaron didn’t care about Nicky’s discomfort. Aaron’s head was starting to swim as his body was starting to heat up. He thought he heard Neil say something about taking care of Aaron. He snorted at that. Neil was so fucking annoying. Kevin would’ve laughed at the thought of Neil “I’m Fine” Josten taking care of anyone, especially Aaron out of all people.

“Where’s Kevin?” Aaron heard his words slur as they left his numb lips.

“Fuck. He’s trashed and we just got here.” Nicky said, whining again.

Aaron hummed before saying, “Shut the up Nicky. Did you lose ‘im?”

Nicky was laughing for some reason and Andrew’s stupid judgmental eyebrow was raised.

“You forgot a word there, friend.” Neil mocked him.

“I am so not your f-friend, you fucking ginger. Someone tell me where my real friend Kevin went.” Aaron demanded, stomping his foot.

Andrew pointed to the dance floor and that was all Aaron needed. Maybe he and Kevin could be each other’s wingman. Aaron made his way to the dance floor content to just dance and if he saw Kevin then he’d ask him to be his wingman and help him get a girl.

He’d been grinding with a brunette with Kevin green eyes when he finally spotted his friend. He pushed the girl away and made his way to Kevin, who was dancing with some short blonde girl. When Aaron tapped his shoulder Kevin jumped.

“Hey, you wan’ dance?” Kevin asked, his head tilted to the side like a cute puppy.

Aaron immediately found himself nodding. Weird. Aaron had something to ask Kevin. Needed his help with something. He forgot everything the second those eyes were on him. He felt himself wetting his lips as he watched Kevin drag a hand through his hair. Aaron let out a small groan as he watched. He was hoping the music was too loud for Kevin to notice, but it evidently was not since Kevin’s eyes dilated and his mouth popped open.

Suddenly Aaron was spun around and Kevin’s hand were firmly attached to his hips. Kevin was swaying to some song by The Weeknd and using his hands to sway Aaron’s stunned hips with him. Aaron’s response was slowed by the alcohol in his system but soon he found himself not just swaying in front of Kevin but actively grinding his ass into him. Aaron was tired of analyzing his feeling for Kevin and he just wanted someone to fucking touch him, so he pushed away his fears and gave himself to the music and Kevin’s strong body. His head flopped back to rest on Kevin’s broad chest as his hips pressed back into Kevin’s. It was like his whole body sighed in that moment that they were finally connected. Kevin hummed, the sound vibrating Aaron’s entire body, and pulled him even closer.

When the song ended Aaron fought the part of him that felt right in Kevin’s embrace and stepped away. Turning around to make eye contact was a huge mistake for his confidence in his sexuality. Kevin looked like a goddamn masterpiece as he panted and searched Aaron’s face for any sign of rejection. Aaron found himself slipping his fingers into the hair at the base of Kevin’s neck and bringing his face down to kiss him.

This didn’t make sense, and Aaron was confused but he honestly didn’t give a single shit as he felt Kevin relax into him.

You've been out all night,

I don't know where you've been,

You're slurring all your words,

Not making any sense,

But I don't fucking care, at all

Kevin found himself starring at Aaron more and more since Friday. He couldn’t stop replaying their dance and kiss. He was nervous about Aaron’s reaction once he was sober so he has been avoiding him since they got back to Palmetto. It’s been one of the hardest things Kevin has had to do in a long time. He cares about Aaron and his feelings so if Friday night was just Aaron being drunk Kevin will accept it and try to move past his crush. Until he knows for sure Kevin has decided to just act like normal. Aaron has a lot more to figure out than Kevin does, so Kevin doesn’t mind not knowing for however long Aaron needs.

'Cause I have hella feelings for you,

I act like I don't fucking care,

Like they ain't even there,

Aaron hadn’t realized kissing someone could feel that good. The kiss turned him on. But Kevin’s kiss also made him feel warm inside, which was the part Aaron finds himself struggling with. He’s never been attracted to another man before. Being gay used to be something he was terrified of. Now that he had been in Palmetto with his family for so long he doesn’t feel that terror. He isn’t afraid of his feelings. He just doesn’t understand why Kevin Day of all people makes his heart race. Aaron has never had a love he can enjoy. He always had to walk on eggshells around Katelyn when he was angry, always careful not to say or do the wrong thing or she’d leave him. He was stupid. She did leave him, and here he is still standing. He might always fear someone he cares about leaving him or not loving him, but now he knows he’ll still be standing after they’re gone. So if he isn’t scared of his feelings, why was his stomach in knots? Aaron cursed himself quietly as he realized he’s terrified of losing Kevin. He knows now he can handle a break up but with Kevin it wouldn’t just be a break up. It’d probably destroy him. He doesn’t know when he came to think of Kevin as more important than anyone else but now that he’s here he doesn’t know if he could handle the heartache.

'Cause I have hella feelings for you,

I act like I don't fucking care,

'Cause I'm so fucking scared

Kevin sent Aaron a text telling him to meet him in the room in half an hour. Kevin was incredibly nervous. He had been shoving down his feelings for two weeks and after making out Friday for the second time he needed an answer. Aaron probably didn’t want all of Kevin’s emotional baggage. That’d explain why he had to have alcohol before he could kiss him in case he needed an excuse. Kevin was just too broken for someone as solid as Aaron.

I'm only a fool for you,

And maybe you're too good for me,

Aaron’s phone lit up as he received a text from Kevin telling him to meet him in the dorm in thirty minutes. Aaron’s heart started racing at the thought of being alone with Kevin. Was he ready to tell Kevin that he was too harsh, too angry for someone who had endured as much as Kevin had? He was surprised to feel a part of himself already mourning the loss. That part of him knew that if he’d let himself have Kevin he’d never let go. He wasn’t good enough for someone like Kevin. Never the less Aaron packed his books into his back pack and set off for the dorm room.

I'm only a fool for you,

But I don't fucking care, at all, oh

Kevin jumped as he heard the door open. He knew Andrew, Neil, and Nicky would be out for the next hour or so at least, so he steeled his spine and turned from the kitchen sink and looked at Aaron, who was frozen in the living room. Kevin didn’t know why Aaron wasn’t making eye contact, it seemed to be a bad sign. Kevin had prepared a speech and he was going to deliver it, damn it. He stepped into the living room, only a few paces from Aaron’s tense form.

“Aaron. I know you aren’t bi, but I need to let you know how I’m feeling. I like you. I could give you a list of all the reasons why, but I’d rather tell you those slowly over years of being together instead of dumping them at your feet and begging you to return my feelings. I know I’m shitty and have too much emotional baggage, but it comes down to this: I like you. I feel like we understand each other better than anyone else and when you kissed me last Friday I was the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I want to feel that all the time. I want you to feel that all the time. I want to show you how amazing I think you are.” Kevin had tried to keep it short and simple but the words bubbled out of him anyways.

Kevin was immediately overwhelmed with embarrassment. Aaron obviously didn’t want to be with Kevin. He was straight. A voice in his head started chanting, “You fucked up” over and over again. Kevin mumbled an apology and started to head to his bedroom. He stepped wide around Aaron’s still frozen body and was almost to the door when he heard a loud bang and turned around to see Aaron rushing to him, his back pack on the ground.

“What are you-“ Kevin was cut off by Aaron pushing him against the wall and yanking his head down to meet Aaron’s waiting mouth.