#ardista

[villainoir]

Breaking up in your 30s

Is any of you familiar with tarot? Have you ever gotten a tarot reading or, maybe, can you read tarot yourself?

People don’t use tarot for many reasons, but one of them is because they are afraid of the scary-looking cards. Death, first and foremost, though it is nothing compared to the tower, ten of swords, or three of swords; the one where the swords pierced through a heart, sometimes with a storm in the background.

Unfortunately, my first introduction to tarot started with that card. An impromptu reading by a rather psychic senior in my art college. She might forget it, but it sticks with me throughout the years. She said, “I cannot tell you when you will move on or if you will ever move on. It seems like you’re the kind of person who would be stuck loving someone for a very, very long time.”

Perhaps that is why I bury myself in long-term crushes, not to mention two long-term relationships that don’t work. The first one was for almost five years, and the second one was for almost six years. Before I knew it, my 20s were gone, and now, I am single again at 30, not knowing anything about dating or being single, and possibly, upsetting my parents for not fulfilling their wishes.

I won’t say it is easy. It got to the point that I deactivated my Instagram despite my account growing. I couldn’t stand seeing my friends getting engaged, marrying, buying houses, and having kids, while my relationship back then wasn’t moving forward. Their feed was full of happy moments with their new family, while mine was full of books. Only books. I felt like my life had reached a plateau.

In the end, I let go of that relationship despite fear and uncertainties. Yes, it is a failure if I consider marriage as the ultimate end goal, but in terms of how much I grew as a person, I think my relationships are successful in their own way.

After the breakup, I contemplated a lot, such as:

(1) Love is the simplest thing on Earth, relationship is not.

(2) Once you fall in love, you can’t ever go back to square one because love constantly shapes you as a better person; a love that becomes. There is a trail of them in every good aspect that you are.

Thus, (3) you can move on from a relationship, but you cannot truly move on from love. The tarot reading is, apparently, accurate. It only takes a different perspective to completely make sense of it.

It is funny to finally admit that, I love being in love. Regardless of being loved back or not, regardless of whether it ends up in “I do” or goodbye, regardless of three months or three years. I am in for the beauty of it. Art for art’s sake. A speck of encounter that lasts a lifetime. A true butterfly effect.

So, thank you, God, for love. For the people I love tirelessly, and for those who love me sincerely.

Another tarot reader said people cannot escape their life lessons, or else, they would repeat the same circumstances all over again. It is twelve years late, but I learned the lesson now. Because even in the dreadful three of swords card—if you look at it closely—there is no single crack on the surface. The heart is not broken. It is holding on, knowing love is not synonymous with hurt.

May you all be happy and loved.

Ardista, March 2023

[darktragedys]

Formidable calls of booing from fake fakes in lifeless black paint thank them for failing in their performance, they scream in screams of fake laughter from an artificial rostreal ardista in fake painting dolls for an advance of his cynical pride that have turned into sleepy conversations between silence to internal screams.

[huitziil]

Ringo 🖤

[ilikefonts]

Ardista Script Font by Mercurial

[fajarpendidikan]

Resensi Buku The Divine Matrix, Menyingkap Rahasia Alam Semesta https://www.fajarpendidikan.co.id/resensi-buku-the-divine-matrix-menyingkap-rahasia-alam-semesta/?feed_id=2257&_unique_id=620b548c1e398

[vkarrjoker]

Cirque du Soleil. One of the best cirque in the world. Despite of the too many attractions that they covered, it is a fun, powerfull and colourful tho. The best part: say no to animal performance in circus! Animals are not for our entertainment. And this circus already proof that! Yippe! with Aulia Ardista, Timotius, and Regisda at The SSE Hydro – View on Path.

[nian26neutron-blog]

P3Truk with Firmansyah, T H E M A Q U E, Muhammad Iqbal, Nabilla, Hari , and Ardista Abriansyah at Universitas Putera Batam – View on Path.

[cabezadeastreenauta]

Ardista.

Imagen: Unknown Artist.

- Me ardo.

Siempre he dicho que soy fuego. Que sé cómo quemar y todo ese bendito cuento. 

La historia se reduce a un error de ego. Yo y mi cuento. 

- Pues si. Es un error de ego. 

Y es que a ustedes no les pasa?

- Mierda. 

Es que era una entrevista de trabajo; Me falto decir que podía quemarlos a todos con solo estar allí. Mmmmm pero pensándolo mejor, no habría dicho nada diferente, porque no sé ser diferente. 

Soy piromana interna o Ardista, es buena idea llamarle así. - Me ardo. Es como esa sensación de no poder detenerse, de querer saciarse esas ganas de alcanzarlo todo, de sentirse capaz, de ganarle a la impotencia, de quedarse viendo las caras de sorpresa cuando quemo lo que toco. - No miento. No recuerdo un solo día en que me haya echado para atrás, no recuerdo haber soltado algo sin haber dado la pelea, ido a la guerra, acabado el mundo y sobrevivido. Eso.

- Me ardo. Es un hecho.

Venga, quémese a mi lado.  

Vamos a rostizarnos por ahí.

- Es reto.

By NatyTree.

[vkarrjoker]

Watching La La Land

KZLBAT GUA!!! 8.7 of 10 with Aulia Ardista, Meta, Timotius, Maya, and Inggri at Cineworld – View on Path.