#arcaneinquries

[askgale]

If you had the option to bed Mystra one last time, would you?

Finally! An arcane inquiry that is easy to answer.

No.

[askgale]

Excellent idea! We really do always have excellent ideas...

*gale stares into the interdimensional message portal*

Hello? Is this thing on?

Ah! My good, parallel dimensional self!

Now, I have an urgent issue that I need your answer on. It must be an honest answer, mind you. A great deal rides on the outcome.

Do you think my beard looks good?

Gale strokes his own beard, nodding.

"Your beard looks amazing. In fact, I believe it makes you look absolutely dashing.

I may have a certain tressym constantly pester me about how awful it looks, but I think she's lying. Dear Gale, we look great. Don't let anyone convince you otherwhise."

[askgale]

“Gale you will not believe what Astarion has brought me.” Althaea jogged over to Gale, holding some strange clump of meat, taking a small bite of it and slightly cringing as she swallows. “I have no idea what it is, actually. It tastes kind of gross, but isn’t it nice that he gave me something?”

- @althaea-roserun (yes i sent this to another gale blog shh and yes it’s the infamous spider meat)

Althaea!

*Gale widens his eyes, gesturing frantically*

What are you doing? That's....it looks like rotten meat from some sort of...aracnid

You should severely reconsider and take that out of your mouth.

TAKE THE DAMN THING OUT YOUR MOUTH

All gifts are NOT made equal...!

[askgale]

My cheeky quasit friend may have gotten to the phone before it got to your hands, she loves causing trouble for me. Her name is Bungus. I don't know why, I just summoned her one day and that's what she said she wants to be called

-cellphone anon

Well...that's about what I expect from a quasit.

For some reason, they have a liking for hardcore pornographic material. Must be something in the summoning.

I have figured out how to use the 'video' function.

*Gale shows you a shaky video of a yellow spotted bird. Quite clearly in the background, @astariondisapproves is making out with alternate version of himself @askastarion. Gale doesn't seem to notice.*

Beautiful creature, don't you think?

[askgale]

It's been about an hour since Gale so rudely ate Astarion's weed brownie, and knowing the effects of one such brownie, Astarion decides to saunter over towards Gale's tent to see how he's fairing.

"Gale, darling! How has my forever weed brownie been treating you? Has it opened your eyes to the universe yet?"

Aatarion asks teasingly, eyeing the clearly high wizard.

-@astariondisapproves

(In reference to this lil comic https://www.tumblr.com/ratscrap/729232017075666944/gale-eats-astarions-forever-weed-brownie) (also if you're not comfy answering this, feel free to ignore I just love that comic so much it makes me laugh every time it comes across my dash)

*Astarion finds Gale lying on the floor, surrounded by open camp supply packs. Scraps of food litter the floor and strange magical sigils hover in the air, flicking in psychedelic patterns*

Ahhh.... Astarion

Come and look at the weave. Isn't it beautiful, Astarion?

*he stares at it for some time, before suddenly sitting up*

I should message Mystra

[askgale]

"GALE! LOOK!" Tav holds up a soft blanket with three purry mewling kittens and their mother whos enjoying the ride. Putting down the arm full of cats in Gale's lap, Tav picked up one of the babys and cuddled it.

*Gale's eyes widen in shock and amazement*

Cats? Nay, kittens too!

*He gently holds out his hand for the mother cat to sniff and pets her, staring at the bundle in wonder*

Where did you find these Tav? I....I've...I'm....

*Seemingly, the Verbose Gale has lost his ability to form words, as he silently picks up a ginger kitten and holds it to his face*

A-a-adorable

*Gale.exe has stopped responding*

[askgale]

“Oh hello Gale, how are you doing tonight?”

- @althaea-roserun

Good evening, Althaea!

I'm afraid you've caught me in the middle of trying out some spells. You see, the wee guest upstairs is still playing havock with my magic.

As if having a rather large, and very unwelcome, guest inside wasn't enough...

I'm sure you've heard me complain about it now a dozen or so times, but between the orb and the infant illithid, I'm back to casting like I'm but a mere apprentice again.

Still, I shan't make the night unpleasant by bemoaning my lost abilities.

But... Well. My magic has been with me for all of my life...so I can't help by miss it, I suppose. Ah, well. My experiments to return it in its full force may yet yield results, eh?

However, due to a relatively minor but still rather unfortuitous explosion earlier today, I might relocate to the edge of camp to continue them...

[askgale]

Gale

fuck marry kill: Lae'zel, Elminster, Minthara

Interesting conundrum...

In this theoretical problem my choices would be as such:

I would spend the night with Lae'zel. I might come out a bit battered but she is my friend and I wouldn't want to kill her

I would marry Elminster. I think we would get on rather well as housemates, if not at all romantically.

I would kill Minthara. I will be honest, I never liked her much.

Thank you for your question, friend

[askgale]

Fuck marry kill

Tav, Durge, you from another dimension

Interdimensional travellers have some... interesting concerns.

But nevertheless I will indulge you.

I would lay with myself from another dimension. We both are excellent specimens with great beards who are generous in bed.

I would marry Tav...if...Tav wanted that....

...

I would kill the Dark Urge because he tried to tear off my hand.

[askgale]

*several hours later* oh man, Gale, you wouldn't believe how much fun we had! We faced so many creatures, bad guys, just obliterated them all! Ugh, but I gained sooo many wounds from the fights. Kinda wished we had a wizard with us, but oh well, we got the job done anyways. So, how was your day?

*Gale stares at Tav in sheer disbelief*

You...do know I'm a wizard...right?

You...could..bring me?

[askgale]

“Hello Gale.” Althaea waves at him as she approaches, though one hand is held behind her back. She seems to be a little bruised up, coming back from doing something or other with a few of their companions. “I have something for you.”

- @althaea-roserun

Ah, Althaea!

It is good to see you alive and well after coming back with that lot. He nods his head towards the others.

However, you do look a little worse for wear... Here..

A healing potion for you. I made it this morning

Now, something for me? You did not have to go to the trouble, though it is much appreciated.

[askgale]

What was it like being stuck in that broken ass portal?

Ah, the portal...!

A little bit of a miscalculation on my part on reflection, however it did prove effective at reducing the probability of my good self becoming permanently flattened.

I did have a terrible nightmare the other evening that someone tore off my hand instead of helping me.

Cross-dimensional messaging can often result in strange dreams, but never one as vivid as this!

[askgale]

Fuck marry kill

laezel, shadowheart, karlach

Interdimensional travellers sure are fond of these hypotheticals...

Nevertheless, let me indulge you.

In this hypothetical my choices would be as follows:

I would spend the night with Shadowheart, I would marry Karlach, and I would kill Lae'zel.

I don't usually make it a habit of imagining murdering my friends, but I do not think Lae'zel and I would make good companions either betwixt the sheets or for life.

[askgale]

Gale... Dear, innocent Gale. Did you EAT my Shadow of Menzoberranzan helmet?!

Eat? One cannot simply consume a magical artifact by way of one's mouth!

The digestive system needed to break down such a thing as a helmet, nevermind the teeth, are not something that I possess - nor something I wish to possess, would be rather frightful.

However, if you're asking if I consumed the spark of Weave inside of your helmet in order to satisfy my...condition.

[askgale]

“Gale, my beloved, could I braid your hair, please?”

- @ask-althaearoserun

Uh...well...No one has ever done that for me before...

But I suppose, for you Althaea...I will allow you to try. Though I cannot promise to sit entirely still for a long period of time. Wizards are filled with energy, you see.

*Gale sits down in front of you, already tapping his fingers and figeting*

[askgale]

“Gale, important question, and a total and complete and utter hypothetical. What would you think if I might have been turned into some sort of vampire? Hypothetically.” She’s staring up at him with bright red eyes and fangs slightly poking out of her mouth, causing a bit of a lisp.

- @althaea-roserun

Althaea...

*Gale crosses his arms and shakes his head*

What have I told you about playing with adventurers with infectious, monstrous conditions?

*He tuts*

First it's mindflayer worms...now this?