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imaginespazzi · 10 months ago

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Here's To Eternity

Four times Paige brings up marriage and the one time Azzi finally says yes.

(In which an angst writer attempts to write fluff and it takes her far longer than it should have)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: mainly Fluff with a little bit of Angst

Words: 8K (I swear it was meant to be below 5K when I planned it)

TW: Implied sexual content, alcohol, swearing

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3. Gonna do this at the beginning instead of the end today. This took years off my life and I still don't fully love it but I'm tired of thinking about it so hopefully y'all still like it. Really quickly, I've never been to Minnesota or the state fair so if you have, pretend you do not see the likely factual inaccuracies. Also feel free to let me know what you don't like because as I've said, I don't really write fluff well so by all means call me out. And finally, I edited this I swear but I'm sure there are still mistakes, so let me know about those too. Anyways, I hope this is a good pre-game read and let's get another W!

i don’t know what love is (i’d learn for you)

The first time Paige says it, they’re at the Minnesota State Fair. It’s all the way back when they’re just two young girls learning each other, carefree and completely unaware that this will become a tradition. They’ve barely known each other but being with Azzi already feels easy, natural, like home. And she doesn’t really know how she knows it, it’s just a feeling really, but Paige is convinced that Azzi’s meant to be in her life forever.

They’ve been at the fair almost all day, with members of both of their families joining them here and there. Paige and Azzi had been competing at various arcade games all day, keeping a tally of who won which arcade game. They’d even turned going on rides into a competition of “who could hold in their screams the longest”. Their bickering, while endearing, had earned them more than a few fond eye rolls as their families eventually got bored of being third wheels and went on to find something more engaging.

They’d intentionally left the pop-a-shot, a basketball arcade game, til the very end, knowing it would be the ideal tie-breaker. And as the day comes to an end, they are in fact very much tied although Paige will tell you, that she didn’t actually scream on the Skyscraper; it had merely been a quiet whimper that Azzi was exaggerating the volume of. And Azzi will tell you that she deserved a re-do on the ring toss because it wasn’t her fault that the wind had decided to pick up on that very moment. Ultimately both of their arguments had fallen on deaf ears when they had appealed their cases to some very exasperated family members.

“Get ready to lose to the better shooter,” Paige gloats, rubbing her hands together in preparation to shoot. She’d lost two rounds of rock paper scissors to Azzi’s one, meaning she’d missed the chance to go second like she would have preferred but that hadn’t done much to deter her confidence.

“We’ll see,” Azzi scoffs, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms as she stands back a little bit to give Paige the space she needs.

Paige smirks at her friend as she shoots the ball, definitely showing off a little bit. The ball arcs in the air before swishing into the basket, all net and no rim. The blonde’s grin only widens as she repeats the motion, again and again and again. She gets eight of them in perfectly, the ninth hits the backboard but rolls in and then-

“You missed,” Azzi yells the minute the last ball is out of Paige’s hands and they both watch, one in excitement, the other in irritation, as the ball falls miserably far away from the net.

“That’s not fair,” Paige turns around immediately, “you distracted me. That doesn’t even count.”

“Nuh uh, we didn’t set a no distracting rule and I only said something after you released it. I already knew you were gonna miss,” Azzi counters gleefully.

“Bruh, how could you have possibly known that?”

“Because my basketball IQ is way beyond yours,” it’s Azzi’s turn to smirk as she bumps Paige in the hip, switching spots so she can take her turn.

“You’re still gonna lose. I made nine, you’re barely gonna make,” Paige pretends to think, “hmm maybe seven”

Azzi doesn’t respond, choosing instead to reply by immediately making her first basket. Her arc is perfect as always, the same shot Paige had been awed by when they’d been at camp for USA basketball. She makes the next and the next and the one after that until she’s at her 10th shot, ready to go a perfect 10 for 10 and beat Paige. Maybe it’s the competitiveness or maybe Paige has lost her goddamn mind, but she barely registers the next words that come out of her mouth.

“If you make the last shot, you have to marry me,” and it’s supposed to be a threat, a way to stop Azzi from making the last bucket and winning their silly little competition but it comes out giddy and breathless.

“What?” Azzi asks, eyes wide as she turns around to face Paige and well, she’s said them now, Paige might as well own them.

“You heard me,” Paige says, cocking her head, the arrogance in her voice a complete contrast to the rapid beating of her heart, “you make that shot, and we’re engaged. Or you don’t make it and you lose.”

Azzi’s eyes narrow, confusion melting away to a familiar fierceness. The thing is, she knows she could miss it if she wanted to but the thought of losing is somehow worse than being engaged at fourteen. She tries not to dwell on why that idea doesn’t seriously frighten her, telling herself it’s because there’s no way Paige will ever hold her to that. Taking a deep breath, Azzi lifts up her hands and shoots the ball.

Here’s the thing, Paige likes winning. She enjoys the effort that goes into getting a win and the satisfaction that follows after. But as the ball leaves Azzi’s hand, that same perfect arc, she thinks, maybe it would be okay if Azzi made this basket today. She thinks maybe it would be okay if she lost. Both girls wait with bated breath, as the ball hits the backboard and circles the rim. For a brief second, it seems like it might slide off the edge but it doesn’t. It falls into the net with a swish and Azzi wins.

The brunette lets out a squeal of happiness as the arcade game lights up with “WINNER”, doing a happy dance and flipping her hair. And Paige is so mesmerized by Azzi’s infectious happiness, the fact that she’s just lost ceases to mean anything. She doesn’t know what this feeling is, isn’t quite ready to understand it, but she knows it’s slowly creeping up her veins and consuming every part of her.

“What prize would you like honey,” the middle-aged woman running the booth asks, pointing to the assortment of gifts sitting in a booth next to the game. Azzi pulls a still-stunned Paige with her to get a closer look at the prizes, eyes roaming over all the fun things until they finally settle on one of them.

“I’ll take that packet of rings,” she gives Paige a devilish smirk, "I think I just got engaged.”

Paige gapes at Azzi while the woman fetches the packet of rings that Azzi had chosen. As far as fake jewelry goes, the rings are kind of atrocious. Huge colorful stones are placed haphazardly on a silver ring that looks like it might rust the next seconds. Azzi picks out a pink one and hands it to Paige, before holding out her hand. Still slightly dazed by everything, Paige does as she’s gestured to and slips the ring onto Azzi’s ring finger. And she’s sure she must be going insane because the ugly ring looks quite pretty on Azzi’s slender fingers.

“You better get me a real one eventually,” Azzi says and she’s joking, Paige knows that but she can’t help the part of her that takes it at face value, the part of her that subconsciously promises Azzi to get her a real one eventually. She’s only fifteen and she’s sure she doesn’t know what love is but standing here in the cool Minnesota summer breeze, getting fake engaged to a girl she feels like she’s known her whole life, Paige thinks, maybe she’d like to learn.

2. crossing boundaries (taking leaps of faith)

The second time Paige says it, they’ve crossed a line in their friendship and she kind of wants to cross a couple more. By this point, Paige is pretty sure she’s at least a little in love with her best friend. It had been okay when she’d first got to UConn, the distance between them allowing Paige to ignore her feelings that had become unbearably intense over the covid year she’d spent with the Fudds. And then the thing she’d worked her ass off to make happen had happened and Azzi had come to UConn. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy to have Azzi here. With her being injured for most of her sophomore season, there’s no one else Paige would have rather had by her side through it all. It was the playing platonic that drove her a little insane. Because somewhere between the arguing over nothing and the talking about everything, Azzi had stopped being her best friend and had become something more.

It all comes to a head during a mid-April night at Ted’s. They’re partially still in mourning for their national championship loss and so it’s not really a surprise that the team is perhaps a little freer with the alcohol than they normally are. It’s definitely the alcohol that has Paige seething in jealousy at Azzi nonchalantly flirting with some random girl who had had the nerve to buy the brunette a drink. And it’s definitely the alcohol that makes her march over angrily and squeeze herself between the two girls. But it might be a little much to blame the half a glass of spiked shirley Paige had had for the way she wraps her arms around Azzi’s waist, leaning into the younger girl’s personal space in a way that is decidedly not platonic.

“Hi love,” she whispers, blinking her eyes up at a rather confused Azzi, who despite said confusion, doesn’t push her away. Instead, Azzi’s arms circle around Paige’s neck. It’s muscle memory really. But now they’re far closer than appropriate for two best friends and Paige swears she can make out every detail on Azzi’s face. Her eyes fixate on Azzi’s throat as the darker-skinned girl swallows, a sign of nervous anticipation, and she fights the visceral urge to bite down on Azzi’s neck and leave a mark so permanent, no other girl would ever have the audacity to look at what’s hers.

“Oh, I didn’t know,” she hears the offending flirt say.

“Well now you do,” Paige replies before Azzi can respond, keeping her eyes focused on the girl in front of her, “she’s not interested.”

The sound of feet scurrying away makes Paige smirk. Azzi raises her eyes but doesn’t make a move to pull away.

“You looked like you needed help,” the blond lies blatantly, “and I’m nothing if not helpful.”

“Is that what you were doing? Trying to be helpful?” Azzi asks, a coy smile playing on her lips as she presses closer to Paige, “because I could have sworn you were jealous.”

Paige’s breath hitches as she focuses on the way Azzi says those words, the way her lips quirk and her eyes sparkle, because it’s not the alcohol this time, no she’s pretty damn sure Azzi’s flirting with her. The realization sets her heart ablaze and she grips Azzi’s waist even tighter, trying to find something stable to hold onto.

“And if- if I was- if I was jealous, then what?”

“I’d tell you, you didn’t really have a reason to be. She wasn’t really my type.”

“Yeah,” Paige can’t help but smirk, suddenly feeling a surge of confidence, “what is your type Azzi?”

Azzi hums, her shy smile a response in itself. They’re so close now, with their chests pressed up against each other, that Paige can hear the erratic thrum of Azzi’s heart beating. It’s comforting in a way, to know that she has the effect on Azzi too, that she’s the reason Azzi’s breathing is so uneven. Subconsciously, Paige leans in, eyes tracing the outline of Azzi’s lips, her entire body wracked with want.

“Azzi,” she whispers, knocking her forehead against the other girl’s, “tell me to stop.”

Anticipation burns against Paige’s skin, the feeling of finally racing through her body. She’s hypnotized by the way they seem to be breathing as one. Her eyes close of their own accord and she can almost feel the taste of Azzi’s lips when the brunette presses a gentle hand against her chest.

“Stop,” Azzi whispers.

Paige’s eyes fly open. Stung, she lets go of Azzi’s waist immediately, the tears ready to fall. She’d been so sure she’d read the moment right-

“Hey, hey no Paige wait,” Azzi scrambles to grab onto the blonde, fully aware of the panic that has settled into the other girl's bones, “I didn’t- I just- I didn’t mean it like that. I- fuck sorry, I don’t- I want-” she takes in a deep breath, her brain unable to speak her mind, “I want to kiss you, I do- I just don’t want our first kiss to be in front of all these people.”

The last part is a little mumbled but Paige hears it clear as day. She gapes at her best friend, not sure if she wants to shake her or jump her bones (both, definitely both).

“You couldn’t have just said that?” Paige asks exasperatedly, “I don’t really take rejection well in case you haven’t noticed.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I panicked, you were so close and I was distracted,” Azzi rambles incoherently and Paige is so ridiculously endeared by this girl.

“Azzi,” she says slowly, stepping back into the younger girl's space, and holding out a hand, “you wanna get out of here?”

She’s rewarded with a bright smile and Azzi grabbing her outstretched hand with no hesitation. As the two of them make their way through the crowd, hands locked together, Paige can’t think of a moment where she’s felt this ecstatic. They stumble through the street towards their apartments, giggling like kindergarteners who’ve just been given a sweet treat. After a year, longer, of holding it in, Paige feels like she’s finally free.

They’ve barely made it to Paige’s room, before she has Azzi pinned against the wall causing the younger girl to let out an audible gasp. It’s sinful the way she looks up at Paige, as if she’d do anything for her. And god Paige wants to find out just how much she can push that.

“Tell me to stop,” Paige repeats her words from the bar, her right thumb coming up to lightly caressing Azzi’s bottom lip. She’s giving her an out, a last chance before they cross a line in their friendship that they’ll never be able to uncross. But her words evoke a new fire in Azzi’s eyes and Paige just knows.

“Absolutely not.”

She’s not sure who kisses who first, doesn’t really care but she knows she’s never felt anything quite like this. It’s something beyond sparks, something more exciting, yet something ever so calming. All she knows is she wants more. Her hands roam everywhere, moving from Azzi’s neck, to her arms, to her hips before moving even lower. And Azzi fucking whimpers, the sound of it causing Paige to press even harder against her. She pulls away and Azzi chases her lips for a second, before Paige attaches them to the younger girl’s neck instead.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted this,” Paige manages to get out, biting against Azzi’s skin. She means to be soft, she really does but all she can think about is leaving a mark, a possessive bruise that would make sure everyone knew not to touch what was hers.

“Not longer than me,” Azzi’s hands are tangled in Paige's hair and she’s putty in the older girl’s hand. Paige could ask anything of her, and Azzi’s sure, she’d give it to her in a heartbeat.

“I’m gonna make it worth the wait,” Paige pants, moving away from the brunette’s neck to kiss her again, “I promise.”

“Gonna show me what the hype is about?” Azzi says cheekily, as Paige pulls her onto the bed. She climbs on top of the blond, straddling her thighs.

“Gonna show you even better,” Paige whispers and Azzi shivers at the promise in her voice. And then Paige’s lips her on hers again, desperate and impatient. Her hands work meticulously as she unbuttons Azzi’s blouse, leaving the young girl’s upper body bare. Azzi can't help the insecurity that creeps into her when Paige stares at her like that, like she’s seeing her for the first time.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” Paige says, erasing away the doubt, “fuck, marry me.”

Paige doesn’t know why that slips out, doesn’t know why it rolls off her tongue so smoothly, doesn’t know why it doesn’t feel like a completely preposterous thing to say at the moment.

“You say that to all your hookups?” Azzi asks slowly. It’s said light-heartedly enough but the hints of doubt aren’t hard to catch. In one swift motion, Paige flips them so that Azzi’s lying underneath her. Using her elbows, she hovers over the younger girl, making sure she can see the sincerity in her eyes.

“No, no I don't. And you,” she says pointedly, needing Azzi to understand how she feels, “are not a hookup.”

Azzi smiles, arms wrapping around Paige’s neck, “maybe take me out on a date first and then we can talk about marriage.”

“Yeah, yeah I will but,” Paige grins devilishly, fingers dancing around the waistband of Azzi’s jeans, “I think I’ll fuck you first.

3. on the brink of destruction (maybe you’ll catch me)

The third time Paige says it, she’s desperately trying to save them from falling apart. They’ve always known this moment would come, known it even before they’d known each other. To play in the WNBA had always been the end-goal for both of them and it should be the happiest moment of their lives with both of them being guaranteed first-round picks who were likely to make a roster. But the whole thing comes with the caveat, that for the first time in almost four years, Paige and Azzi will have to learn to live apart from each other.

Paige hadn’t even considered that it would mean they’d have to break up. The whole season, despite a thousand and one conversations about the draft, the idea hadn’t once been brought up. Long distance would be difficult, Paige knew that, but she’d figured they’d tackle it in the same way they’d faced everything else: together. Apparently Azzi thought differently. Apparently Azzi had been thinking about it for a while and last night, when she’d finally said the words out loud, Paige’s whole world had fallen off balance. She’d tried interrupting but once Azzi had her mind set on something, it was hard to deter her.

It’s been less than 24 hours since and KK and Ice have done everything in their power to distract her but Paige can’t stop thinking about it. If she hadn’t known Azzi for as long as she had, then maybe she would have believed the façade of coldness and practicality that her girlfriend had put on. She had spoken as if she was negotiating the end of a contract, her face set firmly on neutral. But Paige had seen the way she was fidgeting uncontrollably with the hem of her shirt, heard the little crack in her voice when she’d said the actual words out loud.

“Was she at breakfast?” Paige asks, interrupting whatever spiel KK had been going on. The sophomore gives her a look that veers between irritation and sympathy.

“Dude, we weren’t even at breakfast. We ate with you up here, remember?”

“Right,” Paige says, mindlessly thumbing at her sheets. She’s in unfamiliar territory, trying to navigate a world without Azzi. She can’t even remember the last morning she’d had that didn’t start with some form of communication with her girlfriend, a good morning kiss or a text or a call.

“Y’all are being stupid,” Ice supplies unhelpfully.

“Don’t even start,” Paige quips back defensively, “I didn’t do anything.”

“Maybe that’s the issue,” KK’s report is met with a well-aimed pillow in her direction.

“Can you guys maybe just take my side for once please?”

“Children of divorce don’t choose sides,” Ice says solemnly. She has the foresight to duck and Paige’s water bottle hits the wall with a resounding thud, “aye no violence.”

“Fuck off and go away,” Paige groans, burying her face in her hands.

“This is literally my room,” Ice replies and KK snickers.

“I’m so glad my misery amuses you guys.”

Before either of the two underclassmen can reply, a familiar voice resounds around the room and Paige’s heart almost beats out of her chest. It’s been less than 24 hours but fuck, she’s missed the sound of it.

“Ice do you have- oh.”

“Hi Azzi,” KK says enthusiastically and Paige can already picture the forced smile Azzi gives her. She hates that stupid smile.

“Hey KK. I- uh, Ice I was looking for the necklace you borrowed. I- uh wanted to wear it with my dress for the draft, but umm- it’s- it’s fine. I’ll come back later.”

Paige scoffs, suddenly annoyed. She lifts her head from her hands and Azzi’s already looking at her but the minute their eyes meet, she looks away. It only irritates Paige further.

“It’s fine Az. I can get it for you now,” Ice says, hopping up and rummaging through one of her.

“No it’s fine, I should go. I have to go do…something.”

“You’re such a fucking liar,” Paige says before she can stop herself. The awkwardness in the air changes to a sinister tension. KK and Ice wear identical expressions of shock and worry, looking back and forth between Paige and Azzi.

“Excuse me?” Azzi says eyes narrowing dangerously.

“All that bullshit you said last night. You said we’d still be friends. You said it’d be like we used to be before. You said things wouldn’t change that much and this would be for the better. You said we’d be fine. But fucking hell Azzi, you can’t even stand to be in the same room as me right now,” tears prickle in her eyes and she can’t tell if they’re from anger or pain or frustration.

“I-It will be okay. We’ll be fine, eventually,” Azzi pauses, struggling to get the words out, “I just- we just- we need time to learn how to be just friends again.”

“I don’t want to be just friends Azzi,” Paige spits.

“Neither do I,” Azzi bursts out, hands clenching, “but we have to try.”

“Oh-kay,” KK cuts in, noticing the rise in voices, “just because Ice and I call ourselves children of divorce, doesn’t mean y’all have to act like an actual divorced couple. All this yelling is not good for my heart.”

“Shut up KK,” they snap at the same time, and KK immediately raises her hands in surrender.

“Why,” Paige turns her attention back to Azzi, “why do we have to try? You don’t want to be just friends. I sure as shit don’t want to be just friends. So what’s the fucking point? When neither of us want this, why are we fucking doing this?”

“Because I’m scared okay?” Azzi yells, her eyes widening as the truth slips out. She immediately cups her mouth, her anger fading away. Tears pool at the corner of her eyes, as emotions she’d been trying so hard to push down, bubble to the surface. She sees the way Paige eyes soften, can feel the sympathy in the way KK and Ice are looking at her, but before any of them can say anything, her feet are moving, desperate to get away from them, from Paige.

“Paige,” Ice hisses when the blond stays rooted in place, “move.”

It does the trick, shaking Paige out of her trance. She doesn’t need to be told twice. When she gets to Azzi’s room, she stops outside the door. The goal is to fix things but she’s so scared of damaging them further. Taking a deep breath, she lets herself in and is unsurprised to find Azzi pacing the length of the room.

“You have ‘got to stop running away from me. I’m not as young as I used to be,” Paige jokes. She’s not expecting a smile in return, the situation is far too tense, but when Azzi looks at her with nothing but sadness, all the humour leaves her body.

“Please leave me alone,” Azzi whispers, “please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“You’re the one making this harder Az. We don’t have to do this,” Paige takes a step forward, groaning when Azzi immediately takes a step back.

“We do because otherwise we’re gonna fall apart. You don’t see it but we’re gonna end up resenting each other because we miss each other so much,” Azzi says miserably, the tears freely falling now.

“You think I’ll miss you less if you’re not my girlfriend? You think breaking up is going to stop us from falling apart?” Paige asks incredulously, “you know you’ve had some stupid ideas before Azzi, but this, this one might be the dumbest yet.”

“Well, do you have a better one?” Azzi asks, throwing her hands in the air.

“Yes, let’s just get married instead! Then we’ll have to be stuck with each other for life and you can stop trying to break up with me,” and maybe it’s somewhat of an irrational thing to say but Paige finds that she means it.

“Paige,” Azzi grits out, “this is serious.”

“I’m being dead serious right now actually.”

“Marriage is not going to stop us from being drafted to different teams. It’s not gonna stop us from having to live in different states.”

“Neither is breaking up,” Paige yells. Frustrated, she marches over to Azzi, encircling her arms around the other girl who immediately struggles against Paige's hold but the blonde is in no mood to let this, whatever it is, go on any further.

“Let me go-”

“No. It’s my turn to talk okay,” Paige says, tightening her grip, “get this through your head, we are not breaking up.”

She pinches Azzi’s waist when the younger girl tries to protest. Her girlfriend is nothing if not stubborn but so is Paige.

“You know I barely slept last night? I’ve been so fucking miserable all day. I’ve spent every minute thinking about you, every minute missing you. And if we do this, that feeling of missing you and knowing I can’t have you, is how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life. And that, that might kill me. I know you think it’ll be easier being friends or whatever but I can’t do that Azzi. I can’t be your friend. I can’t be near you and not kiss you. I can’t call you and not tell you I love you,” Paige’s voice breaks near the end as tears begin to stream down her face.

“I’m scared. I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose you,” Azzi confesses in a whisper and it’s heartbreaking how vulnerable the darker-skinned girl sounds.

“Then don’t. Keep me and let me keep you. I know you're scared baby but,” Paige presses her forehead against Azzi’s, “but trust me Azzi, we’ll make it work okay. I need you to believe that. I need you to believe in us. Please Azzi, please.”

Azzi closes her eyes and Paige can almost see the cogs turning in her brain. Waiting for a decision is excruciating and the silence feels deafening as Paige’s intrusive thoughts drive her a little insane.

“Okay,” Azzi breathes out finally, “okay we’ll try it your way. But if it doesn’t work-”

“It’s going to work,” Paige says determinedly. And finally, Azzi smiles, the real one that Paige loves.

“It’s going to work,” she repeats back, leaning up to kiss Paige and letting out an ungraceful squawk when Paige dodges her lips, “excuse me.”

“You don’t get a kiss,” the older girl replies, moving out of reach and crossing her arms, “you just tried to break up with me. Twice.”

“I’m sorry,” Azzi whines, “please, I haven’t kissed you for hours.”

“And whose fault is that?” Paige accuses but there’s no true anger behind her words.

Azzi pouts for a second before it’s replaced by a mischievous smirk. Before Paige can react, she jumps onto the blond, wrapping her arms around Paige’s neck. The impact of it causes Paige to stumble back a little bit before her hands settle on Azzi's hips to keep them both stable.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Azzi babbles, kissing every inch of Paige’s face.

“Okay, okay, okay, you’re forgiven.” Paige laughs. She’s never been particularly good at staying mad at Azzi. The knot in her chest, which’s been pressing against her ribcage since last night, finally unravels as Paige tugs Azzi closer, finally pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss. A low wolf-whistle from the doorway breaks them apart far sooner than they’d have liked.

“Y’all didn’t even last a whole 24 hours,” KK’s voice is amused but there’s a hint of relief hidden in it.

“Should’ve closed the fucking door,” Paige grumbles as Azzi giggles into the crevice between her head and her neck.

“That’s gotta be a record for shortest breakup ever or something,” and there’s Ice, looking equally as amused.

“You know what that means though, parents are back together and,” KK smirks at Ice and Paige looks between the two of them questioningly, “you owe me 50 bucks.”

“Excuse me?” Paige asks with a raised eyebrow, although she’s pretty sure she already knows.

“Ice said y’all would be broken up for a week. I gave y’all three days,” KK grins triumphantly, despite Ice giving her a dirty look.

“I can’t believe you guys would bet on us,” Azzi shakes her head disapprovingly as she lifts her head, “actually no scratch that. I’m not surprised at all.”

“We were too generous with it though,” Ice gives them a knowing look, “can’t believe y’all thought you could survive for years.”

“Not y’all,” Paige corrects, “just Azzi.”

Azzi groans, “you’re never gonna let me forget this are you?”

“Nope,” Paige says happily, pressing a kiss to Azzi’s temple, who immediately grins. And everything in the world is right again. It’s not going to be easy being god knows how many miles apart, but Paige knows they’ll be fine. They have to be. She won’t let them be anything else.

4. the high of it all (as long as you hold me)

The fourth time she says it, Paige doesn’t even fully remember it the day after. She won’t find out exactly what she’s said until a couple of years into the future when Azzi tells her the story with a fond look in her eye. It’s a month or so into their rookie seasons when their respective teams meet: the Lynx vs the Mystics, funny how that had worked out. So far, they’d both been doing well, locked in a competitive race for rookie of the year. As a result, their matchup is well-hyped, but no one’s more excited for it, than the two of them.

The game ends with the Lynx winning and Paige shoots Azzi a victorious smirk which earns her a familiar eye roll. She loves winning always but this time there’s the additional reward of having her girlfriend back in her bed for the first time in weeks. The anticipation of it has her running her tongue across her lips, and with the way Azzi’s eyes glaze over, it’s clear they’re thinking the same thing.

A couple of hours later, the Lynx team is spread out across one of the bars near their arena and Paige is definitely teetering on the edge of being drunk. She’d been a lot more reserved the other couple of times they’d done this, not wanting to take the chance of potentially embarrassing herself in front of her older teammates. But she feels freer tonight and the reason for it hasn't walked in yet.

“You two haven’t changed at all huh?” Dorka laughs, as she watches Paige pouting at the door.

“Hey,” Paige whines, “I haven’t seen her in months! And now she’s taking too long.”

“One month,” Dorka corrects, shaking her head fondly, “and you talk to her every other hour.”

“Same differ-”

“Hi,” an unfamiliar voice cuts Paige off, an auburn haired girl sliding into the stool next to her, “you’re Paige Bueckers?”

“Last time I checked,” Paige replies goofily, eyes still fixed on the front door.

“I’m Shay. I’m a huge fan,” the stranger gushes, her smile radiant, “could I maybe get a picture?”

Never one to disappoint, especially not when she’s a little out of it, Paige nods. She wraps her arm casually around Shay’s shoulder, and makes a peace sign with her other hand as the other girl takes a selfie.

“Thank you,” Shay takes a deep breath, “I uh, I was wondering if I could maybe get your num-”

“Babyyyyyy,” Paige lets out a shrill squeak as she spots her girlfriend finally entering the door. All else seems to fade away as the blonde practically skips towards her girlfriend. Dorka, who’d been watching the previous exchange, can’t help but give a very shell-shocked-looking Shay a sympathetic smile.

“Hi babyyyy,” Paige croons again as she throws her arms around her girlfriend's neck, burying her face contentedly into Azzi’s neck. It doesn’t matter that she’s an inch or so taller than the younger girl, she fits in Azzi’s arms pretty perfectly.

“Hi drunkie,” Azzi says fondly, brushing her hands through Paige’s hair and eliciting a happy sigh from the inebriated blond in her arms, “started without me I see.”

“You took too long and I was bored,” Paige says, snuggling further, her breath tickling against Azzi’s collarbone, making the younger girl’s breath hitch. Smirking, Paige bites down gently, knowing the exact effect it’ll have. Almost five years together, and the idea of marking her girlfriend still drives her a little insane.

“Behave,” Azzi warns, her voice breathy, “we’re in public.”

“Then let’s get out of public,” Paige whispers as she caresses the mark she’s just left on Azzi’s throat with her tongue, clearly proud of her handiwork, “let me take you home.”

“I just got here babe,” it’s a weak response, they both know it.

“So what?”

“I-,” Azzi stutters as Paige continues to pepper kisses into her neck, one of her hands sliding down to brush against Azzi’s exposed navel, “I haven’t even said hi to anyone else.”

“Are you here for anyone else? Or are you here for me?”

It’s a blur how it happens, but one minute Paige is tucked under Azzi’s arms, the next Azzi finds herself pressed against the bar, Paige's hands barricading her. It's too dimly lit for anyone to be fully aware of what’s going on but Azzi desperately tries to stifle a moan when Paige shifts so that she’s filthily grinding against one of Azzi’s thighs, lips still attached to her neck.

“Gonna make you feel so good baby. Gonna give you whatever you want. Gonna give you everything you need,” the blond promises, knowing, when Azzi’s eyes involuntarily close, that she’s close to getting what she wants, “just let me take you home.”

“Azzi!” The feeling of getting her way is short lived as Dorka’s voice echoes around them. Paige groans as her girlfriend’s eyes immediately fly open and she ducks under Paige arms to hug their old UConn teammate.

As the two other girls meet, Paige downs another drink, mumbling about “fucking Hungarians.”

“Ignore her,” Azzi rolls her eyes, still hugging Dorka, who lets out a laugh.

“Alright that’s enough,” Paige frowns, pulling Azzi back into her so that her back is pressed against Paige’s chest, “go find your own Azzi to hug, this one’s mine and we’re leaving.”

Sober Paige does not get testy when Azzi hugs other people, especially not old teammates and friends, well not a lot anyway. But drunk Paige doesn’t like sharing her girlfriend, no matter how platonically that is.

“Always so possessive Bueckers,” Dorka teases, but she complies “it was good seeing you Az. Don’t be late to practice Paige.”

The blond point guard lets out a satisfied sigh, lacing her hands with Azzi’s, “see you’ve met people, now can we please go?”

“I’ve met one person,” Azzi rolls her eyes but doesn’t put up a fight as her girlfriend begins to pull her out of the bar.

The uber ride back to Paige’s apartment is relatively silent with Paige tucking herself into Azzi, who can tell that despite her previous eagerness, her girlfriend is pretty likely to pass out the minute she lies down. It doesn’t matter really. Cuddles. Sex. Whatever. As long as it’s with Paige, Azzi loves every minute of it. Besides, there’s always tomorrow morning.

“M’sorry, m’so tired,” Paige mumbles as she does exactly what Azzi had expected by flopping onto the bed the minute they tumble into the bedroom, “make it up to you tomorrow. I promise.”

The brunette shakes her head with a smile, taking both their shoes off, before lying down next to her girlfriend, who immediately curls into her, wrapping her arms around Azzi’s torso.

“I’m glad you’re here. I missed you,” she whispers into Azzi’s skin, eyes closed.

“Missed you too baby,” the darker skinned girl pressed a kiss onto her girlfriend’s forehead, squeezing her arm gently.

There’s a pause and for a second Azzi thinks maybe Paige has fallen asleep until the next words come out her mouth and steal Azzi’s breath away.

“I can’t wait to marry you,” Paige confesses in a whisper, “you’re gonna make the prettiest bride. We’re gonna have such a beautiful wedding. Outside. Maybe on a basketball court. And Coach is gonna officiate it and everyone’s gonna be there. Our family, our friends and it’s gonna be wonderful. The best ever.”

Azzi can’t bring herself to speak, the emotions suddenly becoming a little too strong. She knows Paige is drunk but the words are so sincere, like they’re things Paige has been thinking about for a long time.

“Gonna have two kids,” Paige smiles as she continues to babble, unaware of the effect that has on Azzi, “a girl and a boy. They’re gonna be the most loved kids in the world. And we’re gonna teach them basketball. And they’re gonna be perfect, just like you. Just like us.”

In the silence, Azzi listens to Paige’s breathing even out, a sign that the older girl has drifted into sleep. And she lets herself imagine the picture Paige had just painted for her. As she holds her girlfriend closer to her, she knows she wants that life too. The wedding. The kids. The perfection of it all. She falls asleep dreaming about it, unaware that hidden in the drawer right next to her, is a ring that has her name on it.

5. finding forever (the inevitability of us)

When Paige finally proposes, they’re back at the Minnesota State Fair. She’s had the ring for a couple of years now, waiting for things to fall into place so that they could finally play on the same team and actually be together. That hadn’t been an easy process and of course, they’d argued about it, perhaps going a little too far at times. But now, when she finally gets to wake up to Azzi’s peaceful sleepy smile, every single morning, it all seems worth it.

The proposal, if Paige is honest, is just a formality. In her head, she’s been a married woman for a long time. Whatever ceremony they’d have, whatever papers they’d sign, wouldn’t do much to alter their already domestic lives. But she wanted that celebration, the moment with her family and friends where they’d become bound in the one way they weren’t yet: legally. And this proposal was the start of that.

The list of ideas she’d planned out and discussed with their family and friends was long and had earned her plenty of sighs and eye rolls. Nothing had seemed quite right until she’d whined about it to both their mothers. They’d said to go back to the beginning and it had all clicked into place.

As they have every year since they’d started coming to the state fair together, they’re engaged in a competition again. Every year, they get a little bit more competitive and every year their families' sighs get a little heavier. Something about it, makes the two of them reverse back to being fifteen. The ridiculous trash talk, the sticking their tongues out at each other, the exaggerated pouting when they lose, it’s all further proof of them still being children at heart. Except now, when Azzi pouts, Paige gets to kiss it off.

They’re tied again this summer, as they seem to be most years. Though this year, there’s been a little bit of planning on Paige’s part.

“Pop-a-shot it is,” Azzi sighs, “even though you absolutely cheated on that last hole in mini golf,” she turns to their families, who normally would have left by now but have stayed back today, with a dramatic spin, “and I can’t believe you all saw it, but you’re taking her side.”

“Not me Azzi, I’m on your side. I know she cheated,” Drew, the traitor, chirps with a smirk and Paige glares at her little brother whose loyalty to her girlfriend never wavers.

“Thank you Drew. The only person who loves me for real,” Azzi puts one hand to her heart, and ruffles the younger boy’s with the other.

“Save the dramatics for when you lose babe,” Paige says, rolling her eyes, “alright rock paper scissors.”

They play best of three as they always do. Paige wins the first round. Azzi wins the second. There’s momentary panic when Azzi technically wins the third because well, Paige sort of needs to be in control if this is going to work. The thing is Azzi likes to mix up whether she’ll choose to go first or second, according to her it keeps Paige on her toes. But today Paige really needs her girlfriend to go second.

“Oh Az no cheating,” Tim cuts in, coming to the rescue, “you waited to see what she’d do.”

“WHAT?” Azzi squeals, “I absolutely did not.”

“Oh honey, I think you did,” Katie sends Paige a wink and she can’t help but smile at the family she’s found.

“You’re not serious,” Azzi says with a betrayed voice, squinting at her parents, before turning to Paige’s mom, who gives her a consoling pat, “please adopt me.”

“Oh quit whining cheater,” Paige teases, “I’m going first.”

She steps up to the line for the game, feeling more nervous than she ever has really because this is it. There isn’t really a world in which she thinks Azzi will say no, at least not one where Paige continues breathing after. But she needs this to be perfect. Bouncing the ball for a second, she takes in a deep breath before raising her arms and shooting. It goes in, barely touching the room. So does the next. And the next one and the next one, until Paige has gotten nine shots in.

As she goes to shoot the last one, Azzi's voice echoes around her, “miss it for me babe.”

And she does. It’s probably one of the weakest shot’s she’s ever taken in her life, the ball falling far below the basket. Behind her, she can hear their brother’s snickering.

“Damn someone should send that to Coach,” Azzi teases, hip-checking Paige as she comes to take her spot, “better luck next time baby.”

“Yeah, yeah let’s see you do better,” Paige replies cockily, but her hands are sweating with nerves.

“Oh you know I will,” her girlfriend responds with a grin, as she makes the first basket, that same perfect arc as always. Paige holds her breath on every shot, as the ball goes in flawlessly every time, their families cheering loudly for each one of them. As the last basket gets closer, Drew gives Paige’s hand a tight squeeze and gets a grateful smile in return.

Taking a deep breath, as Azzi gets ready to take her last turn, Paige repeats the same words she’d said, the first time they’d been in this situation, “if you make the last shot, you have to marry me.”

“What?” Azzi whips around immediately, her eyes bright with confusion. Tongue-tied, Paige only shrugs and smiles, watching closely as Azzi lets the words sink in. A determined look crosses her face, followed by a mischievous smirk, and Paige’s heart swells. She knows the ball is going in the hoop even before the other girl's arms are in shooting position. And she’s right. The ball arcs in air and falls through the basket. And instead of the patent WINNER that normally lights up when someone makes the 10 shots, a new phrase appears on the dashboard.

MARRY ME

Azzi gasps, hands flying to her mouth. When she whirls around, Paige is already on one knee and their families are watching with the biggest smiles.

“I knew you lost on purpose,” Azzi breathes out, “you’ve never taken such a shit shot like that last one in your life.”

“Seriously,” Paige gapes up at her, “that’s what you get from this.”

“Babe, you hate losing,” Azzi emphasizes as if that explains everything and well, maybe it does.

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Paige nods, reaching in her back pocket to pull out the ring, “but if you say yes to me today, then it doesn’t matter if I win or lose in a stupid arcade game, or on the court or anywhere, if you say yes Azzi, no matter what, I’ll always be a winner because I’ll have you. And I had a slightly better, slightly longer speech planned but it’s kinda all gone from my mind now, so I’ll just get right to it,” she manages a watery smile in response to her girlfriend’s tearful laugh, “Azzi, my soulmate and the love of my life, will you marry me?”

“Yes. Oh my god yes, of course, yes,” Azzi manages to get out, before she falls to her knees and into Paige’s arms, pressing her lips fervently against the blonde’s, their happy tears mixing into each other. Behind them, their families burst into cheers, hugging one another in congratulations.

“Wait, wait,” Paige pulls away, her smile stretching across her whole face, “I need to put the ring on you.”

She opens the ring box, to reveal a silver band that’s designed with a large diamond in the shape of a heart in the middle with two infinity shapes made out of smaller diamonds on each side of the heart. Azzi holds out her hand, eyes shining as Paige slips it onto her ring finger. It sparkles underneath the glow of the moonlight.

“You finally got me a real one,” she whispers, continuing to admire the ring, “fuck, Paige it’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, yeah it took me a couple of years but I always knew I would. Look at the inside,” Paige nudges and Azzi squints to see the inscription on the inner edge of the ring.

Since Always

The meaning of it is clear and Azzi lets out something in between a sob and a laugh before throwing herself back into Paige’s waiting arms.

“I love you,” she whispers into her girlfriend’s, no, her fiance’s ears, “I can’t wait to be your wife.”

Paige’s arms tighten around Azz as she repeats it back, the word wife, evoking a newfound feeling she doesn’t quite know how to put in words. Their families begin to crowd them, until they’re all just a heap of bodies, likely earning some odd looks from passers-by. But it really doesn’t matter. It’s odd to think there had ever been a time when Paige had stood in this same cool Minnesota summer evening breeze and not know what love was, not known who Azzi was. Because this right here, with her fiancé in her arms, and their family all around them, this, she thinks, is the definition of love.

#pazzi #paige bueckers #azzi fudd #wcbb

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transient-winds · 2 months ago

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Holy fuck, what a ride.

Spoilers for Wind Breaker Chapter 156 ahead.

Gosh. Where do I even begin?

First off, the "Umemiya is a selfish bastard" thing from Endo earlier on is rattling around my brain as even more ridiculous after the intro to this chapter (it was already absurd the first time he said it). Umemiya, for some reason, is taking responsibility...for not winning against Takiishi pre-Bofurin which led to their current situation?? Ume, hun, what. It's literally not your fault Takiishi is obsessed with you ong. He just wanted that soft cottagecore lifestyle for his hometown and love ones! No wonder the weight Umemiya carries on his shoulders gets unbelievable heavier if this is what and how he thinks.

Even after all the destruction and chaos brought to his beloved home and to the people he loves and who love him back, he still wants to get to know Takiishi. Umemiya, your ideologies and beliefs, let me pick your brain king.

The way Umemiya monologues about Takiishi is soft yet firm. Kind of like a scolding? Or a lecture. It's softer than what would be a common reaction to someone who's hurt their people and home. While Takiishi is still a mystery, Ume definitely knows that his fights against Takiishi mean a lot for him and especially this one. A "I'm humoring your wants rn but I'm doing this my way" if you will.

Special shoutout to table-kun who has joined chair-kun at the grounds of Furin! Thank you for your services. 🫡 (Still lowkey wondering how the others are doing and how they're reacting to the small glimpses they see of the fight from below)

These senpai want to be cool and reliable in front of their kohai. UmeHira, my beloveds.

ALSO THE RAIN! I don't know why but I got so excited when it started raining. The chapter title for today is "Overheat", so the rain could be symbolic of the overall fight coming to an end. A sign to cool down if you will. Come to think of it, what time do you think this chapter is currently at right now? Since it just started at midnight (and Takiishi's bday ig). It would be so fucking cool if by the end of this arc, there'll be a page with the first rays of morning light shining across Makochi and onto the rooftop. Oh, it would be so pretty and fitting narratively (& symbolically). Like the light has triumped over the shadows. I ALREADY HAVE AN IMAGE IN MY BRAIN FOR IT SKSK (this is setting me up for failure if there isn't a scene like this in the next chapters).

And I'm sobbing because the acknowledgement? The praise and confidence in Sakura's will? The foretelling? THE NEXT LEADER OF BOFURIN Y'ALL *wails and ugly sobs*

THE FLINCH. THE SHUDDER. TAKIISHI IS FEELING IT RN. I MEAN I WOULD TOO IF THAT GAZE WAS ON ME.

"Hey Takiishi, let's have along talk, yeah?"

Fucking 👏 phenomenal 👏 delivery 👏👏 (and page art, nii-sensei never misses)

I think this is it guys, I think Ume finally won against Takiishi.

–

As always, Nii-sensei did such a wonderful job playing with my emotions this chapter and the lines hit so fucking well thanks to the translations of Jacqueline Fung (praise be to these two and the rest of the staff behind the official English release). Support the official release and all that over on KManga Kodansha (who should open the site up internationally, please). And thank you for reading my yapping 'til the end!

#wbk chatter #wind breaker #wind breaker spoilers #wind breaker chapter 156 #umemiya hajime #sakura haruka #takiishi chika #i held back in staring at ume for too long #i failed clearly

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minjoonapio · 2 months ago

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🎐 Wind Breaker Chapter 156: Overheat

💭 THOUGHTS & ANALYSIS [⚠️ SPOILERS ⚠️]

🧵Twitter/X Version 📖Where to read: Kodansha | Other 📺Watch Season 1 now (S2 in 2025!): Crunchyroll, Netflix

This was more than I ever imagined. At first, I thought we would have Umemiya & Chika laughing & enjoying the fight like Togame & Sakura in the Shishitoren arc, but I think that won’t be a good approach.

Having that idea happen would give out the kind of relationship or bond that Umemiya and Chika has. With what Nii sensei wrote, yes, i should focus more on Umemiya's point of view and build back up his resolve. Nii sensei has written for us a good chapter.

Finally getting Ume’s pov! This is kind of a parallel to what happened with Togame & Choji, where Togame realizes he should’ve fought or argued with the Shishitoren leader, his best friend; have a conversation.

From these current pages, I don't think Umemiya had a proper conversation with Chika.

Umemiya is glad that Chika is looking at him with what looks like excitement, and heightened interest. Perhaps Ume feels assured that Chika doesn’t see him in a bad light and that he has a chance to connect with him, even though they disagree on ideals.

Ok there's quite a lot to unpack about this part of Umemiya’s internal monologue.

Ume admitted he was blinded by his rage towards Chika for involving the town when all they wanted was him. But it’s not until his head finally cleared up, that he realized how it’s all his fault.

Umemiya has been treating Chika as an enemy. That he ruined their peace. When in fact, in the beginning, he wanted Chika to be part of that peace. Ume just didn't understand why he didn't want to. He never tried. He just let Chika be when he left Furin.

Now, we understand why Endo talks about Umemiya that way. That he was selfish.

Ume has been shoving his ideals on them. Whenever they fought, it’s always “If I win, you JOIN me” or “If I win, acknowledge MY GOALS”. Umemiya was trying to FORCE Chika to give in to his wants, without acknowledging Chika’s feelings or fully understanding him.

When Umemiya says these lines (refer to panels above), it’s not to end the fight with Chika. It’s to put an end to the whole thing. And that is by getting to FINALLY understand each other. Umemiya knew he should’ve done this before and this mess wouldn’t have happened.

I wonder how their conversation will turn out. Will they truly see eye to eye? Or perhaps find a bit of common ground? Whatever will happen, we will at least get to know more of Chika Takiishi.

Things get spicy when Chika starts throwing not just one but TWO tables! Umemiya hit all of them but Chika used that to hide himself in order to get close and land a horrible punch to the gut.

Now we got a chair AND A TABLE thrown off the roof!

I unfortunately have experienced a hit to the gut (not through a fist fight btw). Rather than feeling nauseous, you truly have the wind knocked out of you and depending how hard you're hit, you'll be bordering between being conscious and unconscious.

And Umemiya has been receiving more blows on the stomach in this chapter. Now wonder he looks like he's about to pass out at the end😬

I know it’s a typical shounen thing but still, Ume saying this line is not beating the Gojo-alike allegations (other than having the same Japanese VA)

“My kouhai/student is watching” I actually like this culture of taking care & guiding your juniors. They want what's best for them. I don't often see that here in my country where the older or seniors try their best to be a good example to their juniors.

The way I kicked and screamed when it FINALLY RAINED!! I KNEW IT! Thank you, Nii sensei (although i expected it in the middle of the fight and not near the end of it haha. Maybe saved for a more dramatic flare later👀)

Ume is proud of Sakura! 😭 Like I said in the previous chapter, without our Main Character Sakura there, Ume wouldn't have snapped out of it. All the more, Sakura has given him strength and motivation to win this fight. The fact that he's in this rooftop with him, and sitting beside his opponent, a "Furin legend", Umemiya just knew Sakura did an impossible feat.

Sakura has sealed it for Ume that he is worthy of taking his place as the top, the future leader. He's all the more happy!

For a while, I forgot Endo was known to be a legend. But after we got to know him these past chapters, he’s become more of a silly psycho in love to me. 😆

Chika having that moment like Endo had with Sakura. He saw something in Umemiya’s face and backed out. What could it be? Something similar to Endo? Or is it he can finally see Umemiya clearly now? (If it's true that he has face blindness)

The moment Chika froze and Umemiya clutched his wrist & called his name, it’s over.

Jeez! A freakin' sucker punch to Chika’s pretty face. Do you think Chika is knocked out? Or just disoriented? With how this was a closing to a mini arc of Umemiya, I assume they will finally have that talk. I don't think there's anything more to be said in their fight.

This has been a satisfying chapter. Again, it's more that I ever imagined it to be. The high we feel absorbing Umemiya’s perspective & resolve and through their fists. What a way to wrap it up!

Thanks for reading! 💚🎐 Break next week! Next chapter will be up on Oct 8, Tuesday!

🧵Twitter/X Version 📖Where to read: Kodansha | Other 📺Watch Season 1 now (S2 in 2025!): Crunchyroll, Netflix

#wind breaker #umemiya hajime #chika takiishi #ウィンブレ #sakura haruka #endo yamato #wind breaker manga #nii satoru #wbk

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garfeildfanpage · 11 months ago

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Aoi & Akane - how not to be a healthy relationship

I’m going to go ahead and get my preemptive bias out of the way: I do not like Aoiaoi, in any shape or form, but this isn’t about that. If you like AoiAoi, this isn’t an attack on your personal feelings on their dynamic, all relationships in tbhk are flawed in some way or another, that’s like the whole point. In the best way I can I’m going to try to dissect their relationship, and maybe give a different perspective on why they behave the way they do.

Pre-canon

Aoi and Akane’s relationship has been, and has always been, incredibly codependent. Both of them perpetuate unhealthy behavior, and ignoring one or the other completely nullifies the point of their dynamic in the first place.

Aoi is implied to have a bad home life, along with a bad social life. Outcasted by everyone including her own father, lied to, and “treated like she’s a different species”. While I have a few personal interpretations of why that is, (autism*) the main point is that no one seems to really “get” her, she has difficulty connecting with people, and difficulty understanding relationships in general. To infer that Akane deals with similar problems isn’t far fetched, but he obviously goes about this differently. Akane is respected, looked up to, and is generally treated well by everyone around him, unlike Aoi. Aoi is treated like an object, a thing without feelings, constantly having her boundaries stepped on to the point where it’s just how life is around her. People see the unfair treatment, yet no one bats an eye as she doesn’t outwardly complain about anything. (Yashiro being a main point, though blame can’t really be put on her fully since she has no reason to think that Aoi is unhappy)

Akane doesn’t fully understand Aoi, and I don’t think with his current approach, he ever will. Aoi is a mystery, but it’s not his job to solve it. He imposes himself into Aoi’s business, with good intention, but because of how closed she keeps herself, he will never be able to help. But he doesn’t believe he is the one at fault, because all he wanted was to help her, and that can’t be bad right? But she doesn’t want people to help her, and unless she can learn to accept help, there’s no way to force entry. And it upsets him, as it would for most people. “Why won’t you just let me in?!” They’re an unstoppable force and an unmovable object, and unless they learn to communicate like normal people, it will stay that way.

Canon

The Clock-Keeper arc is a huge example of a lack of communication. Akane not telling Aoi about something so substantial can be a huge trust breaker, wether or not he thinks it’s important to tell or not. So many people take Akane’s side on this and it’s really unfair, it’s not just the fact he didn’t tell her, it’s the fact that he kept lying to her face about it. Of course, Akane is allowed to keep secrets, especially when he doesn’t even want to be a Keeper in the first place, “why tell someone about something when you don’t even want to be a part of it anyway?” But in tandem to that Aoi is allowed to feel betrayed, that Akane could just keep such a large factor of his life from her is obviously an upsetting thing to know. They both have grounds for reason, but they don’t ever communicate, ever. Akane thinks he knows what’s best for Aoi, and that’s not a just thing to believe. Aoi is a hypocrite, never being open about anything to anyone yet she expects the opposite from others. They’re both unbelievably stubborn, and both refuse to change their behavior even if it would be beneficial. Akane is selfish, Aoi in selfish, they’re both selfish, and that’s the whole point.

As much as I abhor the Akane & Aoi chapters, they are fundamental in seeing how bad the state of their relationship is. They both refuse to let up on their main flaws, and with Akane is specific it is infuriating to watch. Aoi never stands by boundaries, and so Akane pushes them without seeing how gross it is. They’re both at fault, but Akane’s behavior is at its worst. Aoi’s disappearance after probably knocked a few screws back in place for him, which I think really proves another point.

Better apart

When separated, Akane’s attitude changes. Losing his weird sense of childish entitlement, and returning back to a more childlike sense of justice. Wanting to save Aoi, not have Aoi for himself. The severance acted as a slap in the face to Akane, basically telling him to get his shit together. Comparatively making his confrontation with Aoi seem like two children fighting over something stupid. He regrets his actions, and wants to make them right. This development shows that Aoi is an inhibitor to Akane’s growth, this goes both ways. But the moment they reconnect, they start to fall back into bad habits, Aoi not telling Nene about her paralyzed hand, and Akane jumping back into the “will you go out with me!” attitude. Obviously not as hard, (and it really depends on how AidaIro decide how they want them to go forward.) but unless they really put the effort into it, it’ll just go back to the way it was before, having the cycle continue.

Akane needs someone who trusts him with their personal life, someone who gives him meaning without having him be forced to dedicate his life fully to that person.

Aoi needs someone who will listen to her and ask her if she’s okay, someone who accepts her without putting her on a pedestal.

And unless they can both learn to understand what the other needs, they’ll always never be able to be with one another comfortably.

final thoughts

Moral of the story: if two mentally unwell individuals wish to date, they both have to put in the effort to change themselves for the better.

I believe that if they were to fix their underlying problems, they could definitely be happy with one another. But because they don’t seem to be doing that at the moment, the belief that their relationship is healthy is completely false. And that’s not to say they can’t be together and if you like them you’re a bad person, flawed relationships can be explored in interesting ways, that is quite literally what they already are. But to their core, they are unhealthy, and misunderstanding their relationship defeats the whole point of their characters in the first place.

Harkening back to a previous post. I personally think that Akane’s specific attachment to Aoi is a trauma-bonding behavior rather than something he just does with people he likes. I don’t believe he would act like that with anyone else, since his relationship with Aoi runs so deep they obviously have behaviors exclusive to one another. That doesn’t mean Akane is totes peaches and cream with everyone else, he obviously has other underlying problems but I don’t think he’d ever do what he does with Aoi for anyone else. They’re very attuned to one another, positively or not, certain aspects of their personality are definitely specific to one another.

(*I personally view Aoi as autistic as I believe that a lot of her character can be viewed as a non-diagnosed autistic girl who is never able to fully grasp herself let alone other people, and is thusly turned into an outcast because she’s “different”. Akane not so much, but I can see the vision)

This was long sorry if it makes no sense or there’s some grammar mistakes I’m very very tired atm

#hot cheese #jibaku shounen hanako kun #jshk #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #akane aoi #aoi akane #FUCK god I always miss one FUCKING thing if you saw this for the point four seconds it was up do NOT @ me #something about tagging uhm yeah

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right-there-ride-on · 9 months ago

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Deciphering the Civil War Arc

I will openly admit that even on my third readthrough of SBR this is probably the arc I had the hardest time grasping. It's clearly thematically rich, but what, exactly, is it trying to say? This is my attempt to better understand what the hell is happening in this stand battle.

I'll start off with a little bit of Hot Pants and Johnny, because their parallels fascinate me.

HP revisits the idea of 'sacrifice', one of the most prominent themes in SBR (brought up even in a light way during the very early chapters, when we see Gyro must choose between what to carry with him into the race, tossing aside whatever he decides not to take.)

Notably, Johnny and Gyro just had another arc dealing with the idea of 'sacrifice': Sugar Mountain. Johnny has already sacrificed the corpse parts to save Gyro (quite a few times, actually). The difference here is that the sacrifice is no longer governed by an equivalent exchange.

We know HP began collecting the parts for the Vatican in order to try and do something that would earn them 'forgiveness' for the death of their brother. Now, under the effects of Civil War, it's shown that the 'sacrifice' of the parts (to a supposedly 'larger cause' (namely Valentine, though this could be substituted with the Pope)) demonstrably did nothing to alleviate their personal guilt. How awfully Christian. HP advises Johnny to hold on to the corpse - if giving up the corpse parts to a larger cause did nothing, then perhaps holding onto them will unlock the path to forgiveness - but before the conversation can continue HP's guilt quite literally begins to suffocate them.

We now introduce the idea of not only 'sacrifice', but 'sins' and 'purification'. Guess the Christian influences aren't only aesthetic after all.

Of course, it's 'pure water' (holy water) that can purify one's guilt (guilt being the end result of committing a sin).

Now the idea of 'sacrifice' is being correlated with the ideas of both 'sins' and 'guilt'. A sin here is, essentially, the idea of 'sacrificing' for an unworthy cause (e.g. killing someone for a selfish reason).

Chapter 56: Civil War (Part 1)

We cut to Gyro encountering Axl Ro and Civil War. These are Civil War's first words, which tells us something about the theme of the arc. The question being posed is, put simply: Are your sins ('sacrifices') worth the guilt you now carry?

SURPRISE STARPANTS PARALLELS:

HP too is seeking the corpse parts to find forgiveness (to bring their 'negative' up to 'zero'!). There are some differences worth noting: HP kept the cause of their brother's death a secret, while the cause of Nicholas' death was quite literally shouted to the entire staff by Diego. The guilt ate at them inside, so they turned to God to find forgiveness. Johnny, meanwhile, pretended not to give a fuck about anything to avoid being constantly told to his face by George that his brother's death was his fault. HP hid among the holy while Johnny drowned in debauchery. But both of them seek forgiveness and some sort of return to normalcy, which they both believe can be achieved through the corpse. Through the corpse, all 'sins' can be forgiven - even sins committed in the corpse's name (think of all the people killed in the corpse's wake, noted by Valentine in Chapter 86: Ball Breaker (Part 3) - he literally calls Johnny a sacrifice!)

HP's backstory is immediately followed by the return of Johnny's own ghosts - he himself says that he's haunted every night by his guilt, manifesting inside and outside of dreams as Danny. Yet, even though Johnny claims he can shoot it (put his guilt behind him), we see that he continues to waver. Johnny, like HP, is caught between selfishness, guilt, trauma and redemption.

Johnny's illusion via Civil War is literally Nicholas parroting back the rhetoric about his death that George and Johnny believe about Johnny himself.

Chapter 57: Civil War (Part 2)

Ok, manifestation of trauma and guilt is here. How do we beat it? Jesus Christ himself gives Johnny some extremely cryptic hints.

We'll round back to this. I'm not even sure my interpretation is correct, but hey, that's what this whole exercise is for.

'Pure water' (holy water) only works for a while. Guilt (in the form of Danny) continues to hound Johnny, while HP and Gyro are literally being suffocated by their own. Furthermore, even once Johnny confronts what he perceives to be the source of his guilt (manifested via Civil War), we see that killing Axl Ro does nothing but strengthen Civil War, because in order to 'purify' himself of his 'sins', Johnny has sinned once again (by killing selfishly). The guilt thus compounds, unloading Axl Ro's guilt onto Johnny while Axl Ro, through the 'sacrifice' of his life (generally seen as the most selfless act one can do - think Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, which I'm sure the location of this arc is a reference to), is the one actually purified.

This is not a condemnation btw I think Johnny should be allowed to kill whoever he wants.

Chapter 58: Civil War (Part 3)

Axl Ro, through the 'sacrifice' of his life - or, more accurately, through having the resolve to sacrifice his life - is the one to achieve purification. Someone committed the ultimate sin against him, leaving him 'purified'.

He even spells it out for us:

The pursuit of the corpse has caused countless casualties. Those who were 'enemies' to Johnny and Gyro were 'allies' to Valentine. It really does come down to perspective. Anyway, the point is, Civil War has now condemned Johnny as the ultimate sinner. 'His' guilt (Axl Ro's) begins to quite literally start tearing Johnny apart.

Jesus again warns Johnny:

Jesus essentially guides Johnny through his trauma, helping him understand that he’s worthy of forgiveness and thus deserving of healing - but only if he himself has the resolve to move forward (and fight for the corpse). It's quite interesting that Jesus appeared to Johnny instead of, you know, the person of faith in the next room. Could it be because, as Johnny implies in Chapter 56: Civil War (Part 1), HP hasn't 'truly' devoted themselves to God, but rather is using religion to try and alleviate their guilt (because it turns out they were not actually gathering the parts purely for the Vatican, but also for themselves)? I can't say. I'm not well enough versed in theology to even begin unpacking that. Anyway, Jesus helps Johnny understand the truth of his trauma, and the 'sins' he supposedly committed against Nicholas and his father. Prior to the confrontation with Axl Ro and his vision of Jesus, Johnny even states, "I didn't throw him away! You threw me away! You didn't even come to my races! You didn't even come to see me in the hospital when I got shot!" (Chapter 58: Civil War (Part 3))

Some part of Johnny already understood he was unfairly blamed for Nicholas' death, but that's still guilt (his greatest 'sin') that he's carried with him up until this point. His heart is wavering because some part of him doubts he's even worthy to have the corpse parts - doubts he's worthy to be forgiven. But with Jesus' final warning, Johnny finally understands that Nicholas' death is not his burden to bear, and he no longer wavers on what must be done. He resolves to complete the corpse and be 'purified', even at the 'sacrifice' of his life.

Still, we're in the middle of a stand battle. Johnny is still under the effects of Civil War, but this guilt isn't his. Axl Ro is the one running from his guilt, his sin, his sacrifices. He allowed a massacre to occur in exchange for his own life - hardly an equivalent exchange. He's in the one in possession of the corpse, but he is unworthy of it.

Axl Ro becomes so enraged at the thought of someone like Johnny touching the corpse that he 'sacrifices' Johnny in order to keep the corpse to himself - thus committing the ultimate sin and condemning himself once again.

Chapter 59: Gettysburg Dream

Johnny, however, has been purified. We see through Axl Ro's comments and panic what kind of person he really is. He looks down on Johnny, calling him 'trash' and cursing him out (while holding the Holy Corpse!) This is a common theme is Steel Ball Run. We see it with Blackmore and later Valentine too - each of them proclaims themselves the only ones worthy of the corpse. Why? Well, their goals are loftier than Johnny's, better by default simply because they claim it's for a noble cause. Their sins should be forgiven because they did it in the name of good.

Yet, from what I know of the Bible, Jesus wasn't the sort of person who would have accepted that argument. In fact, Jesus was well-known as a miracle worker and man of the people. He probably would have much preferred healing a disabled man to helping a man kill a young girl (Blackmore), aiding a Confederate soldier (Axl Ro), or making one people's superior over others simply according to which nation they belong to (Valentine).

SBR ended with the corpse locked away, everyone left alive concluding such a thing shouldn't be in the hands of anyone. So, despite Gyro and Axl Ro's protests - is Johnny threatening to destroy the corpse truly a bad thing? Does anyone really 'deserve' the corpse at all?

Should anyone truly have the power to decide who deserves to be forgiven? To decide which causes are just and which ones are not? To decide what peoples deserve the right to good fortune?

To decide who has worth and who doesn’t?

Final notes:

In the case of Nick's death, Johnny was not guilty. In the case of collecting the corpse parts and being willing to kill to keep them? A little blurrier, but by examination of the text we see that, a majority, if not all of the time, Johnny and Gyro only kill in self-defense. It's not really a 'sacrifice' (sin) then, but an equivalent exchange - someone attempted to take their lives, and that person's life was taken instead.

Notably, self-defense (or rather, the protection of another) is the same excuse Valentine uses at the end of Chapter 59: Gettysburg Dream, and we see that he is free of the effects of Civil War.

I think (and this is a pretty big I think), Civil War's themes culminate in this: You cannot earn forgiveness as long as you deceive yourself about your sins. Whether the guilt is yours or forced onto you by somebody, you need to understand it. Forgiveness will not be achieved through sacrifice and sinning, but by being able to look yourself in the mirror and be okay with what’s happened to bring you to where you are.

To put it simply, don't run from your guilt / ‘sins’ (as HP did through the church, and as Johnny did when he shot anyone but himself) and don't blame others for your mistakes / guilt (Axl Ro). The only way to be truly ‘purified’ of your guilt is to have grace with yourself and find the resolve to move forward.

Civil War, the arc and the stand, is about overcoming trauma, forgiving your mistakes and accepting redemption.

I am totally open to discussing this further, as even now I am not so sure about this conclusion. This was just my reading and I'm very open to hearing that of others!

Thank you for reading.

#i had to reread ball breaker to get a quote and i started crying #johnny joestar #hot pants #axl ro #civil war arc #steel ball run #sbr #jjba #this also doubles as my post about johnny and hp parallels btw.#araki was so wrong for not resolving hp's arc... HOW WAS IT GOING TO END??#HP and Johnny should have hung out more btw. they would be besties #dare i tag #starpants #my posts #sbr analysis #steel ball run analysis

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stickstone · 2 years ago

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ok so the thing about mistystar’s arc in the broken code is that it’s pretty much the culmination of everything

mistystar is faced with a situation that parallels her biggest trauma, tigerstar’s takeover of riverclan and leopardstar’s complicity in it

and in this situation, with the imposter demanding clan loyalty and obedience to the code at the expense of code breakers, mistystar sides with the imposter. she takes leopardstar’s place and becomes complicit in the imposter’s actions

so when mothwing, her former apprentice with experiences very similar to hers, defends two other cats from mistystar and her demand for loyalty and obedience to the code, mistystar and mothwing’s underlying and unspoken conflict comes to a head

see, mistystar responded to her traumatic event by bending to the code’s will. she forgave leopardstar and dedicated herself to being a good loyal deputy so she would never be hurt or called a traitor again.

but mothwing? she was similarly placed in a situation where the clan’s status quo was used against her to hurt her. hawkfrost used the moth omen to bend starclan and the code to his own aims, and mothwing lost faith because of this. she was able to see the faults in starclan and the code

in mistystar’s omen, mistystar discovers mothwing’s secret, that she doesn’t believe in starclan. because of that, mistystar enforces the code and hurts mothwing, demoting her from her position. even though the situation is eventually resolved and mistystar and mothwing are on good terms by the end, it’s clear that this isn’t really a resolution to the underlying conflict: mistystar’s fear of straying from the code and starclan

and then. in the broken code, mothwing takes a stand against mistystar and leaves riverclan. mistystar is shocked, but because of mothwing’s stand against her she is able to reflect upon her actions and eventually the morality of the code itself

and so it is mistystar who begins the process of changing the code. and mothwing because of this she is able to reconcile with mothwing and finally resolve that core conflict that had been tearing them apart

and then. just as she’s in the process of making amends. she dies. just as she’s reconciled with mothwing and begun the process of making things right. she dies.

and her clan is thrust into chaos

(note: the one thing about her arc in the broken code is i think it’s bullshit to have starclan recommend the code changes. not just because i think it would’ve been more poignant for mistystar, the oldest and most code abiding leader, to decide on that change herself. but because the clans should’ve figured that out themselves without starclan’s guidance)

#warrior cats #mistystar #a starless clan #the broken code #mistystar’s omen #mothwing #sorry for the essay but she is my favorite character so

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darkstarofchaos · 9 months ago

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Let's get uhh...constructicons/Prowl (for the ask thingy)

Don't ship it.

Why don’t you ship it?

The biggest reason is that nothing about the situation was healthy for Prowl. Not only did he become part of Devastator in the most traumatic way possible, but the time afterward was physically and psychologically harmful for him as well. Outside of that, there just isn't much for me to ship there? Prowl sees the Constructicons as a weapon and the Constructicons are just fanboys (up until the narrative decides Prowl needs to be utterly alone and they drop him like a hot potato). The whole situation was incredibly wasted potential.

2. What would have made you like it?

A different writer.

On its own, Prowl being forced into Devastator isn't a deal breaker for me because the Constructicons weren't the ones responsible. They did decide afterwards that they liked Prowl and wanted to hang with him, but until then, he was never even meant to be part of the team; just a disposable test subject for integrating someone new with an existing combiner. And I do honestly get the appeal of, "You were disposable to them, but not to us". Goodness knows Prowl needs someone in his corner. Heck, I can even get behind the angst of "this situation is physically hurting Prowl, but none of them - including him - want to stop".

So the setup was great. Super unhealthy, but you can do some pretty interesting things with unhealthy. But as they say, the devil's in the details.

See, I like the Constructicons. I do not like the way John Barber writes them as an interchangeable amalgam instead of letting them have some individuality. And I really don't like how he tried to resolve that conflict with earlier portrayals by saying that combining "rots away the individual". I like the idea that the Gestalt mind affects its components, not the idea that it supercedes them. I also don't like Prowl's recent instability being ascribed to the combining process and not, y'know. The traumatic events surrounding it. But we get this explanation from Galvatron, who delivers it alongside lies about Prowl killing Spike's father, so I can ignore it. I can pretend it's just another lie.

What I can't ignore is that Arcee doesn't hear this and think, oh, maybe it's not Prowl's fault he's been so erratic lately. Maybe I should see if he's okay when I get a chance. Nope. She just turns on him completely. Because the post-Dark Cybertron arc is the "let's tear away what little support Prowl still has" arc.

So I don't like how the Constructicons were written, I don't like the in-universe explanation for how they were written, and I hate the way everyone saw Prowl falling apart (including people who dared to call him a friend, Optimus), and just went, eh, I don't really care. He's just bad. And then, just to make sure Prowl loses everyone, the Constructicons turn on him too. Because apparently they can spend time in his head and like what they see, but it's still somehow a surprise that the mech who tolerated them because they were useful might not actually want them the way they want him.

Get these mechs a different writer.

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

As I mentioned above, the setup is great. It had a lot of potential, not just in terms of the relationship, but for character development, worldbuilding, and even the introduction of something like chronic illness with Prowl's physical health being affected by combining (again, he was introduced to the team as an experiment in adding bots to a combiner. It would make perfect sense if it wasn't an entirely successful experiment).

I also like a lot of the art and fics I've seen for them, even if most people seem to ignore the inherent angst in favor of sweet, funny, and fluffy pieces. I just wish more people dived into the physical and psychological impacts, whether in a shippy way or not.

#transformers #Prowl #Constructicons #Prowl/Constructicons #It's too bad I have no interest in writing IDW fic #The whole 'Prowlastator' thing is fascinating #but I can't stand most of the characters I'd have to write to play with the idea #Might use a G1 AU to play with it on my own terms idk

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talonslockau · 3 months ago

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Forest of Secrets - Chapter 36

Chapter 35 || Index || Chapter 37

Fireheart blinked awake to a darkened den, feeling rested even as his wounds stung bitterly beneath the cobwebs. He sat up with a yawn, glancing outside to see the sunlight had long since faded. Peppermask hadn’t come to get him, so it couldn’t yet be moonhigh. Part of him was tempted to remain in his nest, but Yellowfang had ordered him to return to her den by sunset for fresh bandages; he didn’t dare keep her any longer now that he was awake.

He stumbled to his paws, his head momentarily spinning as he did so. He would likely be feeling the effects of his fight with Tigerclaw for at least a half-moon, he reasoned, and so he would have to get used to moving slowly for the time being. With a gentle shake of his head, he made his way out of the den and into the camp clearing.

The ginger tom paused in the entrance as he heard loud murmuring all around him. He glanced around briefly, confused as to why his presence would have caused such a stir, but no cat seemed to be looking at him; instead, they were all staring at the empty Highrock.

Peppermask came out of the shadows near the den to stand by his side. “Fireheart. I was going to wake you at moonhigh, but…” She cast her eyes away, and he followed his friend’s gaze to where Lionheart and Whitestorm were sitting outside the nursery, discussing something with each other. “Bluestar is refusing to move. Whitestorm went in to tell her it was time to name a new deputy, and she sent him away!”

He bristled in shock as he glanced up to the sky above. The moon had well passed the highest point of its arc in the sky, and was now reaching towards the edges of the treeline. “But the code says-”

“I know. We all do.” The gray tabby shook her head in bewilderment. “No one knows what to do. Everyone’s listening to Whitestorm, at least for now, but he can’t succeed Bluestar if- if something else-”

She broke off with a shiver, and Fireheart quickly pressed comfortingly into her side. Even though they both had known that Tigerclaw was a code-breaker and killer, never would they have expected him to boldly allow a pack of bloodthirsty rogues into the heart of their camp so he could kill Bluestar. He couldn’t fault her for feeling the same loss of security that they all were. “Has this ever happened before? Perhaps there’s something in the code…” He trailed off, not sure what he was hoping for her to answer. Surely a deputy betraying their own leader was unprecedented.

They sat there in silence for a moment as she considered it. “Sometimes Starclan sends a sign for who the next deputy should be.” Peppermask mewed slowly, her eyes narrowed in heavy concentration. “It would be a healer that interprets their will, of course. If something were to happen to Bluestar with no deputy announced, then it’s possible Yellowfang or Dewpaw could appoint a deputy in her stead. Whether the Clan would accept that…”

He knew what she meant, even though neither said it aloud. Yellowfang was an outsider, a former Shadowclanner, and though no cat knew it besides him and Dewpaw she could no longer speak to Starclan. If she announced the new deputy - the new leader, if Bluestar died without a replacement - then there would be those that saw it as Shadowclan interference, even though he doubted it would mean a revolt. Meanwhile, Dewpaw was still only an apprentice, and while she had trained faithfully the elders would likely claim she was too young to be interpreting such an important sign, and their word held great weight within the Clan.

He glanced at the healer’s den, wondering if either were inside, or if they were in the nursery trying to coax out Bluestar. He couldn’t see inside the dark rocky entrance to tell if any cats were moving within the den, and instead turned his gaze back to camp. He could see and hear cats all around camp discussing the same thing he and Peppermask were; the elders, in particular, looked nearly mutinous as they glared angrily at Lionheart and Whitestorm guarding the nursery entrance.

Even as they talked, no cat moved to try and challenge the two toms to access Bluestar. Every cat knew that she trusted the weight of Whitestorm’s word the most; if he hadn’t been able to get her to name a deputy, no cat could. As much as it pained Fireheart to sit by and watch, he knew there was nothing he could do but speculate. He didn’t control Bluestar; only Starclan could do that, now.

“What about Tigerclaw?” He asked at last, turning his attention to things he could control. “I know every cat did their best to teach the rogues a lesson, but if they come back now, while we’re still recovering…”

“Whitestorm already sent a patrol after him, a little while before sunset. He left across the Thunderpath with the rest of the rogues.” She curled her lip and looked away into the bramble wall surrounding camp, as though she could see all the way to the dark stone border. “We didn’t try to follow him beyond that.”

Though it troubled him to hear that they had so readily absorbed the traitor, he was glad to hear that they had at least departed the territory. Hopefully Tigerclaw wouldn’t return until they’d had a chance to strengthen their defenses. “I hope they stay gone.” He muttered as he surveyed the camp, taking stock of each cat. His eyes narrowed as he realized that one warrior in particular was missing. “I don’t see your brother.” He hissed quietly.

The molly’s green eyes narrowed and her nose wrinkled at the mention of the gray tom. “I haven’t seen him since sunhigh. He told Tigerclaw he was going ‘hunting’.” They shared a glance, knowing full well what Graystripe had really meant by that. “I doubt he even knows that-”

There was a flurry of commotion by the nursery, and Peppermask cut herself off as the two of them turned to see Bluestar emerge from the well-defended brambles. The silver leader looked thin and gaunt, like a frail skeleton of a cat, as she shambled over to the Highrock. Around the clearing, cats slowly padded out to sit beneath its shadow, all eyes on their leader. There was no need to call them together, and she made no attempt to as she turned to face them.

Her eyes briefly swept over the crowd, but she seemed almost as though she was looking through everyone, like they were mere shadows in her path. “I will only say this once, so listen well.” Bluestar rasped, her voice barely audible even as a chilling hush had fallen over the clearing.

“I say these words before Starclan, so they may hear and approve of my choice.” Fireheart briefly glanced to the sky; though he could not see the stars through the foliage concealing camp, he knew that they were looking down on Thunderclan at that very moment. He looked back at Bluestar as she paused, wondering if he had missed her next words, but she was looking at her paws as though lost in thought. Had she forgotten who she was going to name?

The crowd began glancing uneasily at each other, the silence growing painfully tense as they waited for her to speak. Just as Whitestorm was stepping forward to stand by her side, she raised her head and he stilled.

“Fireheart will be the new deputy of Thunderclan.”

He blinked in confusion at the sound of his name. That couldn’t be right. He knew the code just as well as any warrior here; a warrior had to have at least one apprentice before becoming deputy. That automatically exempted him, as well as Willowbranch and her kits. “Bluestar, I-”

As he raised his head to meet the leader’s gaze, he realized that she was already gone, stumbling across camp with Whitestorm gently guiding her. He realized with a jolt that most of the cats were staring at him, and a great cacophony had started up while he was in his thoughts.

“Don’t lead her away!” It was Patchpelt snarling after Whitestorm, who didn’t seem to be listening to what was going on behind them. “Make her come back here and name a real deputy!”

“Fireheart is a real deputy!” Cinderspark snapped at the elder, her thick fur bristling angrily. “I’m sure he’ll do better than Tigerclaw!”

“But the code says that a deputy must have had at least one apprentice. Fireheart hasn’t mentored any cat before.” Willowbranch fretted, turning her eyes up to the sky. “And that a deputy must be named before moonhigh. Bluestar has broken the code today; Starclan will be angry with us now.”

“Willowbranch is right.” One-eye pointed out softly, even as her good eye turned on the ginger tom in question. “It doesn’t matter if Fireheart would do a fine job. In Starclan’s eyes, he is not deputy.”

“Would you drag her back out here?” Mistspring spoke up from beside her former apprentice, her voice raspy and straining from her injury only moons prior. “You all saw the state that she was in. She doesn’t have the strength to do a proper ceremony. Whether we like it or not, Fireheart’s the deputy we have right now. We can worry about what Starclan thinks later, when she’s recovered.”

“Starclan was supposed to give her the strength to recover when they brought her back to life!” Smallear yowled from the other side of the crowd. “How do we know that her condition isn’t a punishment for being late with the ceremony?”

Fireheart flinched as he felt a cat come up on his other side, looking to see that Lionheart had approached him. “Do you remember when you first came here?” The golden tabby asked him softly, only loud enough for him and Peppermask to hear.

He blinked, and suddenly it felt as though he was transported back to that early newleaf day. The crowd had hissed and jeered at him then, with Dustleap being the loudest of all. “Do you back down from a challenge?” He wasn’t sure if it was the memory speaking, or Lionheart beside him now.

“Everyone.” Fireheart stepped forward to stand where Bluestar had been, turning to face the angry crowd. They quieted instinctually as he stood there. He felt small and weak under their eyes, like he was once again a scrawny kittypet asking for their acceptance. He glanced at Lionheart, who seemed to be almost smiling as he watched. Had he been smiling that day as well?

He took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves jittering in the pit of his stomach. “I know the warrior code just as well as each of you. I know I’m not the deputy that any of you wanted, or even that Starclan wanted.” He glanced down at his paws, his mouth suddenly feeling as though he had just licked the dirt beneath them. “I didn’t ask Bluestar for this, either. There are- Thunderclan deserves a much better deputy than me.”

He raised his gaze to look out at the crowd, several brimming with hostility as they glared at him. He tried not to let them get to him as he took another deep breath. “But fighting about what Starclan would want and what Bluestar should do is pointless. This fighting - this is what Tigerclaw wants us to do. He wants us to turn against each other, to turn our backs on the code just like he did. If he can’t lead this Clan, then he’ll do his best to tear it down.” He met each gaze in the crowd as he spoke. “Are we going to let him do that?”

Several heartbeats passed in silence, and he worried that for some, the answer might very well be yes. Then Cinderspark stepped forward, her long tail lashing as she raised her head high. “Fireheart’s right. We’re not gonna back down just because that foxheart thinks he’s better than us. We’re Thunderclan, the best Clan in the forest, and Tigerclaw can eat our dirt!” She yowled, loud enough that Starclan above could hear her words.

“Fireheart is a good cat.” He blinked in surprise as Dappleshine stepped forward next, her green eyes soft as she looked upon him. “He’s the one that saved Bluestar from Tigerclaw, after all. He knew more than many of us ever did, walking alongside that-” She paused, her lip curling as she considered many choice words for the exiled deputy, “adder-tongue for many moons. He may be young, but we should trust in his judgement, at least for now.”

“We’ve always trusted Bluestar before. That shouldn’t change now.” Rosetail pointed out from near the back. “We don’t know her reasoning for picking him as deputy. Perhaps she was waiting for Starclan to show her a sign, and they did. It’s not up to us to decide what Starclan’s will is or isn’t.”

Several elders grumbled beside her, but they didn’t seem interested in voicing their complaints. “Thank you. All of you.” He did his best to bow to them without pulling apart his bandages. “I - I will do my best to be worthy of your trust.”

“Now that that’s settled, deputy.” He blinked as he realized Whitestorm had come up beside him while the others had been speaking. “What would you like me to do now?”

He felt himself freezing up in fear at the thought of actually leading these cats. He had only been a warrior for two seasons! He tried to stay on his paws as he thought of what a deputy should do. “Dawn patrols.” He said slowly to himself. “Tigerclaw and his rogues escaped across the Shadowclan border, so we’ll want to guard that one well. Lionheart - you’ll be in charge of that patrol, along with-” He glanced out among the crowd, trying to find warriors he knew would fight Tigerclaw with all their fury. “Tinyfrost, Cinderspark, and Dappleshine.”

Lionheart nodded readily, sweeping his large golden tail towards the other three. “We’ll start along the Twolegplace border, then, since that’s where he was last scented.” The great warrior replied steadily. “Come then, all of you. Dawn isn’t that far away, and we’ll want to get some rest before going out.”

He watched the warriors depart, taking a deep breath and trying to steady himself. He could do this. “That leaves the Riverclan border. Mousefur, why don’t you take Cherrypaw, along with Willowbranch and Mistspring?”

The dusky brown molly stared at him as though he’d asked her to grow wings. “Tigerclaw didn’t want us taking apprentices along the Riverclan border with their recent aggression.” She pointed out to him.

“That was because they’d just been apprenticed and had no battle training. It’s been a moon now - surely they’ve had enough practice to handle themselves in a small skirmish?” He asked in response, even as panic welled up within him. In truth, he’d forgotten about it. He hadn’t heard of anything from Riverclan during the last Gathering, aside from their typical posturing over land rights. “Besides, you should try to avoid a fight, anyways. Yellowfang’s herbs are stretched thin as it is. Not that you should let them get away with hunting on our land if it comes to that, but-”

“I understand.” He was grateful for her interruption as she laid her tail on Cherrypaw beside her. “Besides, it will do her good to see the other border. I’ve heard enough complaining about the Thunderpath and Monsters for a lifetime!”

There were a few chuckles as she nudged her apprentice off, the other two warriors following her. “Peppermask, I hope you don’t mind being on hunting duty again. Take Longtail and Cedarpaw with you; try to stay somewhere close to camp, just in case.” He glanced at Whitestorm, considering the tom, but he had been one of the first defenders during the rogue attack. He could see that while the white warrior had not been wounded as badly as him, there were still several long patches of cobweb that hid a surely painful wound beneath. “Whitestorm and I will guard the camp.” He finished with a nod. That would at least get them through to sunhigh, he hoped.

“What about us?” He blinked and turned his head to see Sandstorm limp forward, Dustleap and their apprentices behind her. “Surely you haven’t forgotten us?” She added with narrowed eyes.

The thought of Tigerclaw’s children briefly sent a bolt of panic striking at his heart, but he did his best to conceal it. “You both have an apprentice, don’t you? Surely you can take them to the training hollow and figure something out.” He snapped back at her, refraining from lashing his tail as he spoke. He didn’t need to get into a fight with her, not now.

She shrank back as though he’d attacked her. “Er… right. Yeah, we can do that.” He stared at her in shock as she turned away, her tail low. He glanced at Whitestorm beside him, who was only looking at his former apprentice in worry. “We’ll see you at sunhigh, then.”

He watched them begin to walk away, guilt suddenly filling his mind. He wasn’t sure what he’d said to provoke such a reaction, but as he thought about it, he wondered if perhaps his face had shown the anger he’d tried to hide. After all, Tinyfrost had always said he showed his emotions too easily. “Er, Sandstorm, Dustleap, wait!” He called, the two tabbies turning to meet his gaze. “Can you take Thornpaw as well? He was Tigerclaw’s apprentice, and until Bluestar can assign him a new mentor, perhaps he’d do best training with his siblings.”

The cream molly studied him warily, as though suspecting some sort of trick from the change in attitude. At last, she dipped her head. “Of course we can.” She replied flatly, but he could see her head lift a little higher as she turned back to her den.

Now that the camp was devoid of warriors, everyone departing back to their dens, he heaved a sigh of relief. “You did well.” He looked up to Whitestorm, still standing next to him. “The Clan is skittish, like a frightened rabbit staring into a coyote’s gaze. They will find it difficult to trust, after everything that has happened. Do not take it to heart; it would be the same for any cat in your position, Starclan-appointed or not.”

“Thank you, Whitestorm.” From all the warriors in camp, it meant the most to hear it from him. “I feel like they can all see that I have no idea what I’m doing. Quickflash and Tigerclaw took to it so easily, and-”

“They also had many moons of experience raising kits and training apprentices that you don’t.” The mighty warrior pointed out evenly, his golden eyes seeming almost amused as he looked down on the new deputy. “Though I am sure the Clan will silently measure you to him, do not feel you have to follow Tigerclaw’s paws. After all,” He muttered darkly, casting a glance towards the tunnel entrance, “that is how we got into this mess in the first place.”

Fireheart tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?” He asked curiously. Whitestorm, having been apprenticed alongside Tigerclaw, was perhaps the only remaining cat that knew him best. Had he reason to suspect the exiled deputy’s motive?

His heart sank as Whitestorm shook his head. “Nevermind that. I hope you don’t mind if I continue to guard the nursery? My aunt…” The great warrior looked away with a sigh. “You saw how she is.”

“She will recover. If not thanks to Starclan, then thanks to Yellowfang.” Fireheart replied gently, doing his best to comfort the older warrior. For a moment, Whitestorm seemed weak and vulnerable, rather than the mighty and wise warrior he had always known. “But of course you can guard her, at least until your wounds heal. If you can, ask Frostfur and Goldenflower to rotate with you. If you trust them, of course.”

Whitestorm nodded once at his last words. “Frostfur may be vicious at times, but she has a good heart. I’m told you’ve seen that yourself.” Fireheart glanced up at the larger tom, trying to read what he meant, but he’d already looked away towards the nursery. “As for Goldenflower, she wouldn’t hurt a flea - unless it was threatening the nursery, that is. I don’t envy Tigerclaw if he tries to find that out.” He glanced at the leader’s den behind him. “If it’s alright, I’ll have Speckleflight and Snowkit do their best to clean that out when dawn comes, so that Bluestar can return to it.”

He winced slightly as he realized the bloody trails out of it were still there, a painfully visible reminder of the treachery that had transpired earlier that day. “Of course. When Cherrypaw returns from patrol, have her help, too.”

“I will.” With that, Whitestorm departed, gently padding across camp and nosing into the nursery to check on Bluestar. Upon making sure that the leader was resting, he took a seat in front of the entrance, eyes flicking around camp for any sign of movement.

Fireheart was just about to take a seat near the elders’ den when he saw another cat approach out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see it was Peppermask, having remained while every other cat had left. “If it’s alright, I’d like to join you on guard duty tonight.” She mewed softly to him, her green gaze indecipherable.

He hesitated to agree. “Shouldn’t you be resting for your hunting patrol?” Fireheart asked gently in return. He knew she wasn’t challenging his authority; she was the only one he would expect to support him, given everything that had happened. Still, it did feel strange that she wasn’t taking the opportunity to sleep before the patrol.

“I’m not tired.” Her eyes narrowed as she looked away from him briefly, before taking a seat next to him. “Besides, you’re injured. If Tigerclaw comes back tonight, you won’t exactly be able to take him on.”

“I suppose that’s true.” He glanced up at the sky, imagining for a brief moment the stars above. “Fine, then. We can sit guard together - at least until it’s time for your patrol.”

“That’s all I ask.” She purred, settling in next to him. He had to admit he didn’t mind the extra warmth in the chilly leafbare night - and, in any case, it would help to quell his anxieties to have an extra cat beside him tonight. Fireheart turned his gaze out onto the shadows, fur prickling as he remembered Tigerclaw’s dire warning.

It would take a long time for him to feel comfortable in Thunderclan’s camp again.

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