#applying to canvassing jobs rn that will either break me or make me much better or both!

[zhuhongs]

hhhh, so like.. where to start. So getting a job, I really told myself I'd be working 2 weeks after returning home and It's been almost a month at this point and fucking nothing, and like. I just feel like I really should've started so much sooner and been more serious about this and now it'slike.. the money is catching up to me and I just really want to get a decent job. Like i want something in my field. I don't want to take a job that I know I can get but I hate. Bc like my plan was to go back to my old job and just grind through that until I find a suitable job, but I know myself and I know that I tend to get comfortable with what I know and things that I intend on keeping as temporary end up dragging on for way longer than I intend for and like, I can't keep doing that. So, I'm trying to get something more steady and better, but man its a lot and like the pressure is growing as my mom keeps reminding me that we have bills and I'm trying to find a job while managing my personal growth and trying to get out of my shell and do more with my life but doing that stuff requires money and time and I just, can't trust myself to believe in everything working out, like I wont let myself do anything I want or that seems slightly risky unless it was perfect from the start, bc Im scared it will always go wrong so I need to ensure I protect my chances of success as closely as possible even though i KNOW failure is part of growth and its in my best interest to fuck around and find out and course correct and learn how to get what I want and I'm forcing myself to do it, but man, its hard. and scary. But yea