#appeltaart27

[legionofpotatoes]

Hi Legion! Long time lurker and lover of your art and tags here. I always read your tags and I'm really interested in your thoughts & views on love and relationships, so I'm curious to know where you got those ideas from. Are there any videos, terms, or books you could recommend? It really resonated with me and since I'm a huge nerd my first instinct is to find more sources haha. Thank you so much!

This ask genuinely made me sit with myself and think long and hard about how my views on that stuff really formed, something I maybe took for granted a lil bit. So thanks, and I'm sorry that I can't give a nerdy answer here! It is difficult to point to specific sources, it's more of a lived-experience type thing. It truly is The Question Of All Time lmao. And boy did it get me thinking back.

I'll put my ramble under the cut if this is not interesting or what you're after, but I enjoyed the introspection still! Thank you!

My context is entirely unremarkable (middle class cishet white guy from eastern europe), but if I had to point to one thing that is the bottleneck of my views on love and relationships, I genuinely think it could be traced to my insane early childhood nat20 roll to avoid toxic masculinity pipelines. I truly believe in my bones that if I had been seduced by that stuff - and legitimately all but maybe two of my childhood friends were - I'd be a completely different, colder, worse person today. I credit only luck in that.

Where I'm from, boys of my generation were set on a very specific path very early on that was pointed veeeery far away from "love". All wrapped up in warped orthodox christianity and crypto-nationalist sentiments, stemming from our incredibly disillusioned post-soviet parent figures constantly running in survival mode. So like, I legitimately don't remember how I managed to avoid those circles and behavior patterns, and the truth is that I probably sometimes didn't? I certainly made stupid mistakes in my early teens, but I had the luxury of making them outside of the public eye of social media. More luck.

There's other alchemy of course - as a child of divorce I got a real early up-close look at the ugly results of mistrust and toxic "love", and a lot of my life back then was rebelling against that. Not that the parenting itself was always bad - my mother turned me to the arts and to stories, which eventually led me to fandom that I can now identify as a much healthier outlet for my frustrations than whatever my peers were doing with their nighttime brawls. It led me to a very crystallized idea of what I really wanted from life - not glory or patriotism or ambition, but a quiet life with the ones I loved.

That is also around the time when I let go of teenage lust as my north star and started fostering friendships instead; because like, relationships are bonds and connections, nothing more or less. Sexuality and romantic love can take as big or as small of a role in that as the parties desire, and they're entirely ornamental to the value of linking your experience with another living, breathing human. Realizing the divinity and beauty in that changes almost everything in an instant. And it is such a goofy-ass thing to say, but yeah, for a lost idiot dude like me, fandom helped me see that. Even the raunchiest fics were ultimately about belonging and emotional nakedness, and I learned to desire that more than anything else. I am trying so hard to point to something specific here, but I honestly don't know with way back then. Bioware's found family-ass games/fanfics were a big one later on, but there were so many other communities before. My memory's just bad.

But knowing I wanted love was one thing, and being a healthier, more empathetic person ready to actually get that was a whole other trek. Made a few more dumb interpersonal mistakes. And then I met my current partner, now over twelve years ago, and realized there was a version of me reflected in her eyes that I could truly chase and grow into. This all sounds super melodramatic but it was more of a terrifying thought at the time, stoking self-doubt and real worry that I was leading her into a mistake. But of course that was all a symptom of terminal self-awareness. We were in our early 20s, mature enough not to play childish emotional games, and young enough to go on that growth journey together. More luck. Found that gentle peace I had yearned for with her., and I count my lucky stars to this day.

In short, everything about my understanding of love and relationships is rooted in personal circumstance + massive amounts of luck, and especially that early course-correction away from toxic dudeness. Nothing extracurricular. And then just more and more luck piled on with time, culminating with my lovely bean. So in that sense I'm the worst person to ask this question! And times have really changed irt internet culture and fandom so I can't even point at that part as an action point either.

But if nothing else, I believe that storytelling is the ultimate shortcut in getting our dumb teenage brains over the precipice of pride and control, and towards the gentle pursuit of love in all its forms. I think that's worth articulating over and over again. Thanks for reading this long and I promise I usually interpret asks like a normal person! This is an exception!!! a big question if there ever was one

[shebeafancyflapjack]

I posted 6,732 times in 2022

2,114 posts created (31%)

4,618 posts reblogged (69%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cecret-with-a-c

@appeltaart27

@callforhelp

@katoska

@dwgif

I tagged 4,582 of my posts in 2022

Only 32% of my posts had no tags

#buffy rewatch - 688 posts

#incorrect the good place quotes - 435 posts

#incorrect rdr2 quotes - 213 posts

#hellstrop brotp - 189 posts

#red dead redemption 2 - 177 posts

#house of the dragon - 162 posts

#hotd - 155 posts

#arthur morgan - 146 posts

#rhaenicent - 142 posts

#tgp - 132 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#but isn't it weird how m/f shippers get an eyeroll at worst while m/m (and the occasional f/f) shippers get accused of having a fetish?

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Rhaenyra: I'm cold.

Viserys: Here, have my cloak.

Aegon, Aemond, Helaena and Daeron: We're cold too, Father.

Viserys: Damm it, Eggy, Almond, Rhaenyra Two and Darren! I'm not King over the weather!

780 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

#4

Otto: Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't have feelings for Rhaenyra.

Alicent, staring lovingly at Rhaenyra from across the room: I don't have feelings for Rhaenyra.

Otto: Your eyes are nowhere near mine.

920 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

#3

- Eudoria Holmes (Enola Holmes 2)

996 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

#2

The second serial literelly has a Nazi allegory as its villains!

1,238 notes - Posted May 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The Master in Power of the Doctor:

1,677 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[transpidergwen]

Yeah @argentarachnids @normalwizard @appeltaart27 @cacklingskeleton you understood the assignment

Glass Onion boldly asks the question: what if Elon Musk had friends

[shebeafancyflapjack]

Well thanks to the angel that is @appeltaart27 I know how I'm going to spend the rest of the evening!

[jediexile]

appeltaart27 replied to your post “so I sent an email to my college advisor/professor giving him an...”

Congrats! He sounds great, good teachers are one of the best things in this world IMO. HELL YES!

Yesss definitely. He’s such a chill dude too; he’s got his PhD but doesn’t like to be referred to as doctor, and always brought our class outside if the weather was nice B) (Benefits of being in the ‘hippie’ program at my university, I guess) And thanks :3

[dweebspace]

Dear future me...

Dear future me,

You’re probably really different a person than I am now, because I have learned that change is imminent within myself. I have been a scared little girl, bullied and alone; a fighting, angry, young teenager, pissed at everybody and the world; and I’ve been a questioning older one, unsure of my place, and of the love that was given to me at last. At the moment, I’m trying to find what version of adulthood fits me. I imagine that version is you, but I also imagine you have a search of your own going on - perhaps you’re halfway though yet another change, because I’ve accepted that truth - I think - early in my life. I will change, you will change. I simply hope that those changes will always be for the better, that they will be to get us to a better, happier place. Not all of our changes have been like that, but we’ve always learned and I believe we will be able to always to that. Learn, and grow. I imagine you found more great friends in increasingly different, strange places, as we always seem to do. I hope you’re loved. I hope you finally got that pet you’ve always wanted. Maybe those tattoos, and more piercings. I wonder what other colours you’ve dyed your hair, and what other penguin-related things you’ve collected. Or mugs. Or socks. I wonder mostly about the little things, because I don’t want to know about the big things yet. Those are mine to experience, not yours to tell. Don’t write me back, I’ll meet you in due time, Best wishes, Belle

[maniacalmole]

Bonnet...Lasso...what does it all mean? And what will be the next generation of teamworking individuals under stress and their fearless loving leader?

Thanks @appeltaart27 XD

#HAPPY ‘STEDE BECOMES A REAL, PROPER PIRATE’ DAY TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE

[skullpals]

appeltaart27 replied to your post:appeltaart27 replied to your post “appeltaart27...

s ok just dont hide such vital information from me again ok

I WASNT HIDING you just werent stalking me enough ok

[rnaaike-blog]

Okay so now putin is offically my sidebar i guess i acceted losing the debate

[theyellowotter]

Aw, thank you!! Back at ya @friendly-jester :)

@kittycargo @infamouslydorky @silentmistynight @icantcomeupwithagoodnamern @jtownraindancer @wolfjackle @appeltaart27 @diageticaromantic

No pressure tags, btw. Just happy to share a world and a kind word with you.

🌹✨This is the you are amazing award. Send it to ten humans you think are wonderful or just take a moment to bask in your own awesomeness!✨🌹

Awweee thank you!!!!

I don't particularly like copy-paate chains so I'm going to tag people

@viola-halogen @sad-soup-sonic @naminethewitch @awitchbravestheverge @doodle-png @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat @glacierruler @doteddestroyer @edupunkn00b @crazybooklover0

Apologies in advance if any of you are not human or do not like tags <3

[sherbies]

lariren-shadow replied to your post: is there literally such a...

LotR fandom was pretty peaceful.

"was"

did the fandom start going after the ring what happened

bolinprobender replied to your post: is there literally such a...

republic city hustle

truuuuu

but wait i saw some problems too because there were still those people who hate on mako even though he was a frickin homeless child like are you KIDDING

appeltaart27 replied to your post: is there literally such a...

I think the Harry Potter fandom’s pretty peaceful? And else maybe like, the sink fandom or something.

if you mean the snk fandom, it looks like they all hate each other too because last night i saw complaints of the fandom being "gross" so

[joanshepard-blog]

amenpanda answered your question: I wish I had a group of friends I could play games with.

If you invite me you must play at least one Gaga song haha. I’d definetly go c:

appeltaart27 answered your question: I wish I had a group of friends I could play games with.

yes please.

kunari replied to your post: I wish I had a group of friends I could play games with.

Aww, that’d be fun, but I’m afraid we’re stuck with Internet games. At least until I get a transporter or my own Kodiak shuttle and pilot. ;)

roivas-alenko replied to your post: roivas-alenko replied to your post: I wish I had a...

Anytime :D But be warned, that usually, game night go with cocktails & diner with home made food :D

Hehe, Gaga songs, cocktails and home made food, I can handle that; no problem :D - I'll see you there then :D

[jediexile]

muttluver replied to your post “Transistor is on sale for $7 on steam. Worth buying y/n?”

YES. I mean if you like sad stories

Oh boy. Yes, yes I do. :D Went ahead and got it, hopefully I can find some time to play it soon :3 appeltaart27 replied to your post “it’s been a wild ride, but i’ve finally settled on what i want to go...”

Congratulations on making a decision! Glad u found something u can strive towards, good luck with your endeavors! :D

Thanks!! Hopefully this plan'll stick, it feels right though..... I'll get to geek out about sustainability but still be a tech nerd :D :D

[dweebspace]

F, N, O, T, and X. Come on then!

why do I always think it's a great I dea to reblog these question ghings sIIIIGHALSO YAY GO GO GO!F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?Samantha barks/natalie dormer/lupita nyong'oAaron Tveit/Luke Newberry/Zayn MalikN. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?answered!O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?

Answered!T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?Friesian. 

X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?Smell, probably. Don't really enjoy smells much. 

[longlostlorian]

appeltaart27 replied to your post: I have a special talent for doing really well on...

*nudge nudge* c’mon, you need to get up. You need food and water. *nudges some more*

one more doodle THEN, I SWEAR! Thank you <333

[squirellgurl]

@appeltaart27

illustration i did that is always relevant

this year - the mountain goats