#apparently her boss is like creating a new job for me specifically and im like cool...when is it gonna happen?

[neonsbian]

i dont wanna go thro this week can i just skip to saturday pls

[inkdemonapologist]

Okay but I do actually want to know both the things you love and the things you could rant about from DCTL?

OH BOY UHHHHHH okay lets see, I'm gonna see if I can do the "add a readmore after you post it" thing and see if that'll keep it stable.......

But also, much like Sammy, I am incapable of shutting up unless you strike me in the head with a blunt object, so uh, forgive my wordiness:

THINGS I ENJOY:

- DCTL gave us Sammy's ink addiction and like, if you had asked me before all this "what would you most like to see in a franchise?" I would not have answered "one of the characters drinks ink accidentally and then discovers that he can't stop" but boy that sure is my favourite concept that I LOVE to see handled literally any other way than how the book handled it!!!

- I like what it added to Tom and Allison and Norman!! Like, it's not big twists on their characters or anything -- we already knew Tom felt he was doing the wrong thing, so getting to see his CRUSHING GUILT over creating the machine isn't New Information, but it's nice to see and understand more of him; for all of them I feel a lot more attached to them after getting to see more of them as people.

- Like 90% of the "I LOVE IT" category for me is how the book handled Joey, and Buddy's relationship with Joey. The way Joey isn't a Sinister Mastermind Who’s Just Screwing With Everyone but just manipulative in a more mundane way -- someone who thinks of himself as just the guy with the vision to call the shots; he wants what he wants and this is how he's learned to get it; he exploits people not through devious schemes, but just by offering them something that they want or need and asking too much in return, expecting their loyalty for his favours. And the way he interacts with Buddy, making Buddy complicit with him and keeping Buddy off-balance and insecure while making him a favourite and treating him as Special is just PERFECT --  gives a lot of content to kind of extrapolate off of when pondering what must've drawn the others in and convinced them to ignore the red flags. I was initially frustrated with the idea of Buddy not being an artist and jUST DECIDING TO LEARN TO ANIMATE ON THE SPOT ("I've never done this before but I'm sure I can just do an artist's job" is a weirdly common throwaway thing in media and as an artist iTS A PET PEEVE) but actually the way they use his plagiarism to make him trapped in a lie in ways Joey doesn't even realise ends up being a neat echo of other employees (coughTOMcough), who were involved in much graver sins but suddenly felt they couldn't object or they'd lose their one chance, just like Buddy. There's a lot here that I think is really great.

OKAY THATS THE GOOD STUFF, LET'S COMPLAIN ABOUT SAMMY:

- Uncomfortable Bigotry Vagueness that we all knew was gonna be in this list -- I dunno man, a guy committing a microaggression and getting startled and defensive when he's called out for it doesn't necessarily completely ruin his character I GUESS, but the way this was handled is just SO WEIRD AND VAGUE that it's uncomfortable and it doesn't seem to serve any real purpose. "Is Tom black?" is a question I actually have to ask because the text sort of implies he is while also dancing around it and apparently Word of God said he's not??? which makes Buddy's comment nonsensical???? And I mean, you could go that route, since Buddy wonders to himself if Sammy talks to everyone like this -- HE ACTUALLY DOES!! Even within the text of the novel, he uses "Joey" instead of Mr. Drew, which is consistent with his audiologs in the game -- but that makes the writing suggest "this character THINKS this guy might be racist but actually they're reading too much into it and it wasn't racially motivated at all, he's just a jerk!!" wHICH IS SOMEHOW EVEN MORE ICKY??? Anyway like yeah I guess it's not inconsistent with his character that while Sammy Lawrence may not have any specific grudge against minorities he has probably not checked his privilege or done the work to challenge his own internal biases, but “Your Fav Probably Contributes To Systemic Racism In Ways He Hasn’t Considered, As Do We All When Our Assumptions Go Unchecked” is still a wild thing to wade through in a fun story about demonic cartoons

- but yknow so is T H E   H O L O C A U S T

- Sammy's voice is wrong. I'm actually okay with him being a weird awkward asshole, I already kind of assumed he was and that's part of why I like him!! but there's so many places he doesn't quite... talk like himself? And not just in terms of word choice, like -- so in his monologue at the end, he's described as talking so quickly that his words are "tumbling out faster than he can speak them," which initially seems fine; like yeah, that's a Standard Scene we're familiar with, the person who's been Driven Mad With Insight becoming more and more manic as they try to convey it -- until I tried to imagine it and realised that Sammy doesn't talk like this. That's a really consistent quality I always notice about his voice; whether he's almost giddily excited in prophet mode, or he’s his irritated and overworked human self, or he's violently angry and his voice has that echo effect -- he always speaks very deliberately. He enunciates carefully. There's some circumstances where I'd buy this as showing that he's Not Himself, but I feel like those would kind of need to be in the middle of his transformation, not at the end of it.

- In fact a lot of the scenes with Sammy kind of have this feeling -- that it's not necessarily an exploration of Sammy as a character, but that he is filling a trope or archetype role here. Once he's fully transformed he excitedly describes the process as more of a mental compulsion, which is in contrast to his weird yeerk-infected behaviour when trying to get ink from Miss Lambert. Both of those scenes don't seem wrong on their own because they fit tropes we know -- but they feel weird when you try to fit them together.

- I also just in general am not a fan of the ink acting like a weird yeerk. It can be a parasite I guess but when it starts overwriting and puppeting people and crawling around to enter their body that's just a completely DIFFERENT kind of supernatural story and it’s not what im here for!!!

- THE FREAKIN!!! HE WILL SET US FREE!!!! WHY????????? SAMUEL LAWRENCE WHAT IS HE SETTING YOU FREE FROM??????? Sammy has No Motive for any of what he's doing, other than just Ink Made Me Do It. The whole thing that was INTERESTING about Sammy as a character is the contrast between this frustrated, ornery musician with no specific love for the cartoons he works on, and the manically devoted cultist he becomes. What happened in the middle there? What made him desperate enough to shift his mindset so much? "Something supernatural made him do things that don't benefit him in any way" is a very boring answer to this question!!! Susie was a victim who implies that her transformation has forced her to do things she didn't want to do, but we can still see her motive -- she wanted to be Alice, so she took a sketchy offer to try to get what she wanted. Even now, her violence echoes that goal -- to be a more perfect Alice. What did Sammy want? WHO KNOWS. Even in his ink-addled state at the end, we don't understand what he hopes the Ink Demon will even do for him, and in fact he seems to be responsible for creating the very scenario he's begging Bendy to reverse in the game.

- [sighs loudly into my hands]

- Overall I'm left wondering if the author just..... didn't like Sammy Lawrence? And I don't mean that in the sense of him being a rude jerk -- like, Joey is not a good person, but the author seems to be interested in him and in what makes him tick. There doesn't seem to be that same interest in Sammy. Sammy's role in the story is that of a monster, transformed into something murderous, unable to prevent or choose it. He's not a victim of anyone but the ink, no one had to manipulate him or figure out how his brain worked or what he wanted or what he feared or give him any reason to do the things he does -- ink got in his mouth and overwrote his personality. And we don't even get to see that change, not really. He starts out angry and defensive and continues being angry and defensive up until his very last scene, denying his ink-stealing but not really much else. We see all his prophetic sketches but we never see hints of this in him, we never see him start to act more excited and hopeful, we never see him seek out the demon he desires to please. Why do we never see Sammy struggling between his dismissive angry front and a building religious fervour he can't quite suppress? We don't get to see any of the in-between. There's no interest at all in why or even what it looked like as Sammy became what he became, when, to be honest, I suspect interest in precisely that is one reason he's such a big fav.

- It's funny, in a "cries into my hands" kind of way, when Sammy is just knocked in the head while monologuing and immediately removed from the story without further mention, like...... that sure is the pattern with him, isn't it, he just tries very very hard and never actually gets to matter, but it also fits right in here, too, in this book that doesn't want to think about his motives -- he rambles nonsensically, explaining nothing, gets one trademark phrase, and then is hastily removed so the story doesn't have to think about him anymore.

...................I think that's most of it.

...

Y'all............ I'm not ready for Sent From Above.......... I'm just not.... I'm not emotionally ready...... like..... Sammy has to be in that right..... he’s Susie’s boss and she has that big crush on him..................................... I’m not ready

[eludum-a]

500 follower follow forever!

it happened. god knows why so many of you are here, but apparently you like what i do, so... well, thank you! to everyone! but this is a very informal follow forever meant specifically for people i speak to regularly/people i consider my friends/people i feel i owe something to. i haven’t done anything like this since the 100 follower mark, so please bear with me. 

i felt like i needed to do this because, in the wise words of taako the wizard, “it doesn’t always have to be goof goof dildo. i’m traveling around with the boner squad and i never get to say... what i’m feeling! i have emotions!”

if you’re not here, please don’t feel like i don’t appreciate you! i only have the energy for so much love here in my body. if you’ve been inactive/are on hiatus, i might have missed you, and if we haven’t really talked a lot ooc, same thing applies.

(i have been working on this on and off for weeks. im so tired pls just let me be finished with it)

anyway, call outs below the cut!

@unsuspicious: cou, you send me so many baffling and strange images at all hours of the day. i had to lead up with this because where do you even get all those. anyway, you’re definitely the person i talk to the most every day, and it’s weird as shit to think that the last thing in tumblr messenger was me sending you the link to the discord channel. you’re a fantastic roleplayer when you actually roleplay and you’re fun to have around!

@hismalice: raz you are one of my favorite people on this god forsaken hell site and don’t ever forget that. if you need a reminder you can come back here and look at this and see this seal of approval, and also the mental image of me saying “no, fuck you” to your negative thoughts and then punching them in the face heaven slaying dragon fist style. if you ever wanna talk you know where to find me and it’s also ok if you don’t want to!! i’ll still be here regardless.

@cantalazarus: god bless the hinatatas, may they grow strong and powerful this year. amen. on a more real note: this is my official notice that i really appreciate you just... in general, as a person, even if im an asshole who has trouble with, like, Feelings and shit. so there’s that. same as with raz above, you obviously know where to find me whenever you wanna talk. and take as long as you need to recharge your batteries!! no rush

@mxssias: ALEX MY MAN... BOY... GUY! DUDE, PAL, WHATEVER. your naegi is LIT. i love the good good egg boy so much and you do him justice!! you don’t just focus on the lighter aspects of his character, but you recognize his various struggles as well! you’re also just a fun person to talk to and i’d love to do more naenami in the future of COURSE

@ayatsurii the sparkliest of cats! yo, sparkle, thank u for turning me on to pekonami because it’s so good and pure, and thank you also for trying to keep things from burning down in the chat when we get too rowdy (even if you’re not successful... we can’t be tamed). i look forward to future pekonami interactions!

@snappshot: sarah is wonderful at everything she does, sorry i dont make the rules. you’ve been around this blog for what feels like forever now?? first as mahiru (and your mahiru rly captured my heart) but also sayaka and kaede and your persona muses are equally wonderful! idk what i’d have done if you weren’t there to reassure me i was doing a good job. god bless sarah

@anemoia-avenoir / @ongakuvoices: rrrrrrrrIO! you’re lovely and you should know it. i know we don’t really talk much ooc but you definitely deserved a spot in here! your passion for your muses is incredible! your love for them shows in the details of your writing, and i know it can be frustrating sometimes to feel like you’re not good enough (believe me... i have been there many times), but believe me... you’re gonna do amazing things, i just know it.

@malchancevilain YOU STILL OWE ME 15 DOLLARS AND I AIM TO COLLECT, GREG GRIMALDIS. NO MATTER WHERE IN THE MULTIVERSE YOU ARE. ahem. we share a lot of common interests, watchy, and i really do love your luckgami, like, a lot. i love how different his background is without changing who he is fundamentally as a person, aka a snob

@shpionaz: *insert obligatory ‘like a boss’ joke here* ok now that we’ve gotten that over with,,, im so grateful i got a chance to play out the oumanami brotp interactions with you because that was on my wishlist almost as soon as i found out about their sprite similarities and we didn’t even have to try, it just happened. you’re first ouma in my heart forever and i can’t wait to do some things with your oc too!!

@gambogeish: it’s kind of ironic how i didn’t finish twewy until we became friends, when it was first gifted to me by my boyfriend... it’s probably just the difference in maturity/gaming ability from then to now, but ANYWAY: i am so glad to have met you. you’re one of the first people in the community i’ve really connected with, and you’re an awesome person who i’d love to roleplay with regardless of muse. i’ve got a virtual high five right here waiting for you. o/

@pseudxcode syd, god bless your chihiro, honestly. he’s such a sweet little guy and i love his interactions with chiaki! of course i’ve always been a fan of these two together (even when she’s NOT an AI created by him), because their talents complement each other so well! they’re good for each other. i’d love to see more chiaki & chihiro action, especially if it involves chiaki encouraging him and reassuring him that he’s not as weak as he thinks he is.

@kibcu / @krclowa we only recently started talking but you’re such a welcome addition to thotchat, liz! take that as you will. this one’s probably gonna be a bit short but im looking forward to platonic naenami interactions and ur sonia too! aunty nanami’s gonna babysit the hell out of those naegi kids (aka give them all smartphones and sit back and relax)

@synthxsizxr GOOD IDOL, BEST SISTER, AKI LOVES HER HARU even if she really doesnt understand the idol lifestyle like, at all. chi, you yourself are very sweet and kind, it’s wonderful having you here in this community! i hope you’re having a lot of fun with your talentswap chiaki and i hope 

@relixum / @lxckyclovers: i hope you two don’t mind that i put you together here. i know you’ve been busy with school lately (good luck with that, by the way!!) but i didn’t want you to think i forgot about you! you guys make a mom/dad/parental unit so proud. you’re wonderful writers and i hope you find happiness wherever you go. *bob belcher voice* you’re my family and i love you but you’re terrible, you’re all terrible.

@tcndcrloins levi you’re the other constant presence in thotchat and you’re such a fun person to have around. you’re so welcoming and comfortable in a sense that i never feel like i’m bothering you, and thats a pretty incredibly accomplishment considering how often i convince myself im annoying. get those drafts done, i believe in you!!

@delinqueon avery, you were probably the first person within the community i talked to one on one, and thank god you approached me because at that point i never would have had the courage to speak up! your leon is such a delight to interact with and so are your other characters. one day you’ll get me back for making you read the bee movie script out loud for fifteen minutes.... one day

@betraycd last but not least, first i have to thank fin for my current editing software that i still have yet to figure out even 10% of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but i’ll get there! fin, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i absolutely adore your souda, all of the time and effort you’ve put into his characterization and how you don’t ignore the uglier parts of his personality. he’s a lovely flawed boy and you really do him justice!

after word:

like any community with more than a few people, there have been ups and downs in the path few months. i wanted to add here as a general shout out that i have never felt so welcome and loved in a community that i originally would have thought would be more disjointed than what you might find on a forum. like, i’ve changed a lot thanks to you guys! i’ve been able to get over some of the hurdles of my social anxiety (i didnt jump over them so much as drag myself across the ground and painfully crawl over them) and i just... i feel good? i feel like people like me? there are still times where my anxiety insists i’m nothing but a useless burden, but i actually... feel like people enjoy having me around? holy shit!

i made some really cool new friends and got to know a different kind of roleplay community. im overall incredibly grateful for this wild and weird journey i’ve been on, and the journey certainly isn’t over by any means! i hope to keep seeing you guys around!

these words really arent even enough to express my gratitude. i havent been to some really dark places, but there for a while i felt like i was almost completely alone. i simply wasn’t connecting with other people like i wanted to. about 3-4 years ago i lost contact with (long story) my roleplay partners of 4 years and it wasn’t an easy thing to recover from, but i’m here now and it’s just... really good! incredible, even!

komussy

[kendrixtermina]

Oldham Personality Styles/Traits Test Results

(Clicky Clicky)

For comparision, here’s my results from other typology systems: INTP (LII-Ne), 5w4 sp/sx (548), RULAI, Chaotic Neutral, Lunar, Melancholic, Ravenclaw, Horned Serpent

Idiosyncratic types are tuned in to and sustained by their own feelings and belief systems, whether or not others accept or understand their particular worldview or approach to life. They are self-directed and independent, requiring few close relationships. Though they are inner-directed and follow their own hearts and minds, Idiosyncratic men and women are keen observers of others and particularly sensitive to how other people react to them. They tend to question common beliefs and expectations. They are highly spiritual and do not close their minds to any possibility, always asking what if?' They tend to have a deep inner life, act eccentrically, and live in their own world. They may be interested in the occult or the supernatural and are drawn to abstract and speculative thinking. Fitting into everyday, conventional life can be difficult for Idiosyncratic people. Others may view them as strange, which can be a problem in jobs and relationships. They must live life their own way and sometimes regret they cannot do things in the orthodox fashion. The pressure to conform presents intolerable stress for them. Two key factors affect the quality of Idiosyncratic lives: whether they can find an accepting environment and how well they adapt to others' expectations. Few work settings tolerate eccentricities of behavior, unless the individual has a great deal to offer by way of intelligence or talent. Some Idiosyncratics do well with one ear tuned in to their own personal worlds and one outward to what the boss expects of them. Others, however, have a hard time understanding or accepting authority. Idiosyncratic people do not need other people to give their lives direction or meaning. If they can't find partners who accept their unconventionality, they usually do well on their own. Some are content to experience several relationships in their lives without necessarily finding their one and only.

Everything except the superstitions bit (I’m actually an atheist), though I did have an esoteric phase in my teens and enjoy mythology and random speculation (as just that, stories)

Solitary types have little need of companionship and are most comfortable alone. They do not need interaction with others to enjoy life. Self-possessed and self-controlled, these individuals are alone because they want to be alone, not because they feel left out. Free of the passionate need for others, they can be quite content standing back and watching others. Indeed, they are often gifted observers of nature and of other people. Emotionally, highly Solitary people are even-tempered, calm, dispassionate, unsentimental, and unflappable. They display an apparent indifference to pain and pleasure and are not driven by sexual needs. They are not greatly influenced by either praise or criticism. They function well at work. They get down to work quickly and don't spend much time fraternizing at the water cooler. While they usually do not do well within the political framework of larger companies, when left alone to do their work, they can put their mind to it with unusual concentration. Solitary individuals can be content within relationships as long as their partner accepts their need for solitude. However, even moderately Solitary people may not intuitively comprehend others' feelings or respond to their emotional cues. 'You don't love me!' is a common lament of partners of Solitary people. The more the partner pushes for emotional reactions and a depth of intimate feeling, the greater the stress on the Solitary person. To cope, he or she will retreat. The partner would be better off recognizing signs of caring that are different from the usual I-want-you, I-need-you, l-love-you's.

Ugh that last paragraph, that exact same relationship problem. I don’t often hear the concept of “So introverted even your loved ones sometimes stress you out” in a way that doesn’t conflate it with misanthropy. Like I don’t want to make anyone feel bad or ignored (thats a horrible thing to do) but im not good at this. 

I wouldn’t describe myself as self-controlled or good-at-work (probably due to other traits in the mix) though I can concentrate when the time & subject are right. (otherwise im more on the distractable side tho. or it depends on what it is.) I distinctly remember taking some test/assesment and getting a high score specifically for concentration, i think it was the highest overall (the lowest was motor function. 11 year old me could not catch a ball to save her life.)

As a child or teen I would often start reading at noon and be so concentrated on the book I’d fail to notice the passage of time until my mom came in to get me for supper and asked why I hadn’t turned the light on. 

I don’t think I’m unflappable at all but again it depends on what and the situation and i dont really know what others see, like, I obviously know I have feels but its my own head. 

Serious types are solemn and not given to emotional expression. They are realistically aware of their own capabilities but they are also aware of their limitations. They are not tempted by vanity or self-importance. They hold themselves responsible for their actions. They=re thinkers, analyzers, evaluators, ruminators and will always play things over in their minds before they acting. Serious individuals anticipate problems and when the worst happens, they=re prepared to deal with it. Serious individuals are realists. They see the hard, harsh nature of life clearly. They have no illusions and are incapable of imagining a silver lining. They are no-nonsense people particularly suited to hard times, when their ability to push on can help everyone to survive. They always work hard and provide for others without any sense of heroism or pride in their efforts. Even though they can seem joyless, Serious types are not necessarily unhappy. They take great satisfaction in their view of the universe. They are interested in serious subjects, which they find reassuring, and they find no need to escape into pleasure. Serious people are intensely hard workers, dependable, and trustworthy. They persevere whether or not they are enthusiastic or well rewarded. This can make it all too easy for employers to take advantage of them. They do not expect encouragement or to be treated well by others. Although they are not socially outgoing, once they do connect with others they form very stable, long-term attachments. They tolerate the rough spots in relationships well. They are as critical of others as they are of themselves, but their fault-finding gives them no pleasure. They deeply regret causing any pain . Others who continually insist that they change into optimistic outgoing, happy-go-lucky people cause them great stress but their characteristic cynicism helps them to cope.

ARGH  that “I’d rather see the world as it is than sugercoat it for feelgoodsyness” thing can be so hard to explain to people. I try to be realistic about my abilities & place in the world and aspire toward realism. (and when I’m already stressed out optimism will only serve to make me feel pissed or misunderstood. Unfortunately my mom is the exact opposite, leading to a few regrettable outbursts and isunderstandings, though not major ones. )

The work ethics part doesn’t really apply tho.

Conclusion: Ugh I am such an INTP 5.

I also scored somewhat high for ‘Leisurely’ (Fuck authority sweetheart ~ ) and ‘Vigilant’ (Yay self-sufficiency, though it’s more a horizon to strive for than something I’ve fully realized yet)

That was the 14 trait model tho, the 16 trait one also has this:

Artistic

·                   Mood swings. Shifts from a moderately upbeat, outgoing, creative character to a withdrawn and sullen depressive one. When in a high state, they can be highly productive, original, humorous, and engaging. During a low state they become self-absorbed, pessimistic, apathetic, and may resort to substance abuse. The mood swings happen regularly in cycles, are similar to bipolar (manic-depression) disorder, but not as extreme in the polarity, and also the mood changes in the Artistic personality are usually more so the result of within the person and not triggered by external circumstances.

·                   Artistic inclinations. People of this style often involve themselves in some sort of creative output. They may go into a state of inspiration where artistic production is strong then fall into an apathetic daze, where it becomes difficult, almost unbearable to create art. Since they have a grasp on many corners of the human personality, they have an advantage at expressing the nuances of a particular viewpoint. Many of the world's great artists have had this character style.

·                   Unpredictability. They may take up new plans, jobs, residences, etc. out of impulse. They despise routine and love improvising, stimulation, and new experiences.

·                   Feeling-oriented. Their impulses and feelings control their lives and dictate their appearance and decisions. They rarely make decisions through a systematic, logical follow-through approach but instead base it on their current mood.

·                   Relationship difficulties. Relationships can be trying for these people. They may become promiscuous, unfaithful, or difficult to handle.

·                   Low self-control. They have a difficulty saying "no" to themselves with their appetite. They may go on shopping sprees, binge on food or drink, give into sexual compulsions, etc. Afterwards, they may feel guilty about it and restrict themselves from pleasure.

·                   Shaky self-confidence. Can swing from delusions of grandeur and superiority, and feeling very confident in oneself, to a loss of self-esteem and hopeless despair.

Aaah now here’s a place for my inner emo child and inner gushy nerd fangirl to find a home. I’d wedge it in lower than ‘Idiosyncratic’ but higher than serious. It actually coexists with the above stuff surprisingly well (It’s called “TiNe” or “5w4″)

On the positive, this personality test is the first (except maybe Divergent, but the tests do give me Erudite nearly as often as Candor depending on how absolute the questions are worded. ) to refrain from outright calling me a NEEERD.

So, thanks oldham? 

Also, now I know the precise kind mad I might end up as if I happened across severe trauma, brain chemistry goof-ups or lovecraftian abominations (Please let it be the latter). That is one interesting tidbit of information.