#appalling scenes truly. they wouldn’t treat an animal like this

[hella1975]

im having a nap and then i WILL do my bi-annual inbox cleanse this is a promise and a warning

[daenerys-targaryen-moved]

Your opinion on book Dany?

Short story short: I love her

Long story short: under the cut

(p.s a lot of this was from @rainhadaenerys​)

She is far superior than show!dany. i love book!dany so much more than I love show!dany, and that’s saying something because even then, I still adore show!dany. It has nothing to do with the performance of the character, Emilia truly did such a phenomenal and splendid job portraying Daenerys, it’s more how the tv show clearly and obviously changed her character to fit their narrative.

The show and the books are different when it comes to like... nearly everything. For Daenerys specifically, the made her cold, almost cruel. They made her irrational, they made her seem like she was teetering on the edge of madness. They removed the calm, rational, extremely intelligent and caring side of Daenerys. They started changing certain scenes for her character around season 2. I remember in 2.01 they had her say “When my dragons are grown we will take back what was stole from us, we will lay waste to our armies and burn cities to the ground. Turn us away, and we’ll burn you first.” which she literally never ever says in the books but ok. They also had Doreah BETRAY HER and then have daenerys KILL her. Which NEVER HAPPENED! Doreah died in the Red Waste, Daenerys giving her the last of the water they had and soothed her as she died.

Doreah took a fever and grew worse with every league they crossed. Her lips and hands broke with blood blisters, her hair came out in clumps, and one evenfall she lacked the strength to mount her horse. Jhogo said they must leave her or bind her to her saddle, but Dany remembered a night on the Dothraki sea, when the Lysene girl had taught her secrets so that Drogo might love her more. She gave Doreah water from her own skin, cooled her brow with a damp cloth, and held her hand until she died, shivering. Only then would she permit the khalasar to press on. - Daenerys I ACOK

They made her make irrational decisions, which she of course is capable of doing, she’s not perfect, but they had her male counselors around her calm her down and advise her against this and that when in the books! she is the one to tell them no to irrational plans and she’s the one to counsel them away from but whatever, men am I right? Dany doesn’t have “violent tendencies”, no more than any other characters. And the situation is quite the opposite: it’s Dany’s male advisors that keep telling her to be more violent and ruthless, and Dany is the one that controls them and holds them back. As an example, Jorah is a character that constantly tells Dany to be more dishonorable and ruthless, but Dany refuses:

“When Aegon the Dragon stepped ashore in Westeros, the kings of Vale and Rock and Reach did not rush to hand him their crowns. If you mean to sit his Iron Throne, you must win it as he did, with steel and dragonfire. And that will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.”

Blood and fire, thought Dany. The words of House Targaryen. She had known them all her life. “The blood of my enemies I will shed gladly. The blood of innocents is another matter. Eight thousand Unsullied they would offer me. Eight thousand dead babes. Eight thousand strangled dogs.” - Daenerys II ASOS

Daario keeps telling her to be more violent:

“Then winkle them out of their pyramids on some pretext. A wedding might serve. Why not? Promise your hand to Hizdahr and all the Great Masters will come to see you married. When they gather in the Temple of the Graces, turn us loose upon them.”

Dany was appalled. He is a monster. A gallant monster, but a monster still. “Do you take me for the Butcher King?” - Daenerys IV ADWD

“You are fighting shadows when you should be fighting the men who cast them,” Daario went on. “Kill them all and take their treasures, I say. Whisper the command, and your Daario will make you a pile of their heads taller than this pyramid.”

“If I knew who they were—”

“Zhak and Pahl and Merreq. Them, and all the rest. The Great Masters. Who else would it be?”

He is as bold as he is bloody. “We have no proof this is their work. Would you have me slaughter my own subjects?” - Daenerys IV ADWD

Another of her male advisors, Skahaz, also tells her to be more violent:

“If he is not the Harpy, he knows him. I can find the truth of that easy enough. Give me your leave to put Hizdahr to the question, and I will bring you a confession.”

“No,” she said. “I do not trust these confessions. You’ve brought me too many of them, all of them worthless.”

“Your Radiance—”

“No, I said.” - Daenerys V ADWD

“Every man on that list has kin within the city. Sons and brothers, wives and daughters, mothers and fathers. Let my Brazen Beasts seize them. Their lives will win you back those ships.”

“If I send the Brazen Beasts into the pyramids, it will mean open war inside the city. I have to trust in Hizdahr. I have to hope for peace.” Dany held the parchment above a candle and watched the names go up in flame, while Skahaz glowered at her. - Daenerys V ADWD

Her sellswords want her to use her dragons, but Dany refuses:

Dany sighed. “I am sorry, Ben. I dare not loose the dragons.” - Daenerys V ADWD

And even though Tyrion and Dany haven’t met in the books, he is much more ruthless in the books than in the show:

The fact that there were any good wells at all within a day’s march of the city only went to prove that Daenerys Targaryen was still an innocent where siegecraft was concerned. She should have poisoned every well. Then all the Yunkishmen would be drinking from the river. See how long their siege lasts then. That was what his lord father would have done, Tyrion did not doubt. - Tyrion XI ADWD

She compensates her people for what they lost due to her dragons and treats them with kindness, even though her advisors suggest brutality:

“Three-and-twenty.” Dany sighed. “My dragons have developed a prodigious taste for mutton since we began to pay the shepherds for their kills. Have these claims been proven?”

“Some men have brought burnt bones.”

“Men make fires. Men cook mutton. Burnt bones prove nothing. Brown Ben says there are red wolves in the hills outside the city, and jackals and wild dogs. Must we pay good silver for every lamb that goes astray between Yunkai and the Skahazadhan?”

“No, Magnificence.” Reznak bowed. “Shall I send these rascals away, or will you want them scourged?”

Daenerys shifted on the bench. “No man should ever fear to come to me.” Some claims were false, she did not doubt, but more were genuine. […] “Pay them for the value of their animals,” she told Reznak, “but henceforth claimants must present themselves at the Temple of the Graces and swear a holy oath before the gods of Ghis.” - Daenerys I ADWD

The Shavepate had urged her to put the man to death. “At least rip out his tongue. This man’s lie could destroy us all, Magnificence.” Instead Dany chose to pay the blood price. No one could tell her the worth of a daughter, so she set it at one hundred times the worth of a lamb. “I would give Hazzea back to you if I could,” she told the father, “but some things are beyond the power of even a queen. Her bones shall be laid to rest in the Temple of the Graces, and a hundred candles shall burn day and night in her memory. Come back to me each year upon her nameday, and your other children shall not want … but this tale must never pass your lips again.” - Daenerys II ADWD

Daenerys is really really funny. Like she is SO funny. I remember she asked Barristan what a ruler should have and when he answered with “Wisdom and courage.” she replied with “cheeks of steel” basically saying  her ass is sore from sitting on the bench slab for so long while seeing to her people. 

"Ser Barristan," she called, "I know what quality a king needs most." "Courage, Your Grace?" "Cheeks like iron," she teased. "All I do is sit."

(it’s even better when you remember the next day her throne room is full of pillow) She’s genuinely funny and D&D actually wouldn’t let her play Daenerys in a funny way - proving that she knows the character better than they do lmao.

She’s is also a child, she’s 13 in the books [which they couldn’t really play into since they had to age up show!dany for obvious reasons] but she’s very playful. She’s constantly laughing, joking with her girls, just being goofy in the books as well. I remember once she threw a grape at Xaro in a playful manner when he told her to stop.

She’s also very in love with Daario, who I don’t really like but whatever, but she literally fantasizes about being common folk with him and not having the weight of the world on her shoulders.

What is it?” she cried, as Irri shook her gently by the shoulder. It was the black of night outside. Something is wrong, she knew at once. “Is it Daario? What’s happened?” In her dream they had been man and wife, simple folk who lived a simple life in a tall stone house with a red door. In her dream he had been kissing her all over—her mouth, her neck, her breasts.

She found herself thinking of Daario Naharis once again, Daario with his gold tooth and trident beard, his strong hands resting on the hilts of his matched arakh and stiletto, hilts wrought of gold in the shape of naked women. The day he took his leave of her, as she was bidding him farewell, he had brushed the balls of his thumbs lightly across them, back and forth. I am jealous of a sword hilt, she had realized, of women made of gold. Sending him to the Lamb Men had been wise. She was a queen, and Daario Naharis was not the stuff of kings.

She really just wants a simple life and someone to love her, but she understands that it’s her duty and her mission to help as many people as she can.

You are a queen, her bear said. In Westeros. "It is such a long way," she complained. "I was tired, Jorah. I was weary of war. I wanted to rest, to laugh, to plant trees and see them grow. I am only a young girl."

She’s also so very very affectionate to those she loves and even those who she’s not even close to. She kisses and hugs like literally everyone. She kisses Barristan, she kisses Daario, she kisses Jorah, she kisses she city people, she kisses Missandei, Irri and everyone else who is around her. She shows herself through affection and small acts of kindness.

The Lysene girl quailed, but Dany calmed her with a touch. “Don’t be afraid, he won’t hurt you. Sweet brother, please, forgive her, the girl misspoke herself, I told her to ask you to sup with me, if it pleases Your Grace.” - Daenerys IV AGOT

Distantly, as from far away, Dany heard her handmaid Jhiqui sobbing in fear, pleading that she dared not translate, that the khal would bind her and drag her behind his horse all the way up the Mother of Mountains. She put her arm around the girl. “Don’t be afraid,” she said. “I shall tell him.” - Daenerys V AGOT

When Doreah looked longingly at a fertility charm at a magician’s booth, Dany took that too and gave it to the handmaid, thinking that now she should find something for Irri and Jhiqui as well. - Daenerys VI AGOT

“Enough,” Daenerys said. “Prince Quentyn has crossed half the world to offer me his gift, I will not have him treated with discourtesy.” - Daenerys VII ADWD

Rhaegal roared in answer, and fire filled the pit, a spear of red and yellow. Viserion replied, his own flames gold and orange. When he flapped his wings, a cloud of grey ash filled the air. Broken chains clanked and clattered about his legs. Quentyn Martell jumped back a foot.

A crueler woman might have laughed at him, but Dany squeezed his hand and said, “They frighten me as well. There is no shame in that. My children have grown wild and angry in the dark.” - Daenerys VIII ADWD

When she returned to her rooms atop the pyramid, she found Missandei crying softly on her pallet, trying as best she could to muffle the sound of her sobs.

“Come sleep with me,” she told the little scribe. “Dawn will not come for hours yet.”

“Your Grace is kind to this one.” Missandei slipped under the sheets. “He was a good brother.”

Dany wrapped her arms about the girl. “Tell me of him.”

“He taught me how to climb a tree when we were little. He could catch fish with his hands. Once I found him sleeping in our garden with a hundred butterflies crawling over him. He looked so beautiful that morning, this one … I mean, I loved him.”

“As he loved you.” Dany stroked the girl’s hair. “Say the word, my sweet, and I will send you from this awful place. I will find a ship somehow and send you home. To Naath.”

She cares for her brother, even though he molested her, abused her and sold her.

Jhogo asks if you would have him dead, Khaleesi,” Irri said.

“No,” Dany replied. “No.”

Jhogo understood that. One of the others barked out a comment, and the Dothraki laughed. Irri told her, “Quaro thinks you should take an ear to teach him respect.”

[…]

“Tell them I do not wish him harmed,” Dany said. - Daenerys III AGOT

She tries to ask forgiveness for taking his horse by giving him new clothes so that he would be respected:

“New raiment. I had it made for you.” Dany smiled shyly.

He looked at her and sneered. “Dothraki rags. Do you presume to dress me now?”

“Please … you’ll be cooler and more comfortable, and I thought … maybe if you dressed like them, the Dothraki …” Dany did not know how to say it without waking his dragon. - Daenerys IV AGOT

“I saw His Grace this morning,” he told her. “He told me he was going to the Western Market, in search of wine.”

[…]

“Is that wise?” she asked. “He has no gold to pay soldiers. What if he’s betrayed?” Caravan guards were seldom troubled much by thoughts of honor, and the Usurper in King’s Landing would pay well for her brother’s head. “You ought to have gone with him, to keep him safe. You are his sworn sword.” - Daenerys V AGOT

She is willing to give Viserys her precious dragon eggs:

Dany had not known, had not even suspected. “Then … he should have them. He does not need to steal them. He had only to ask. He is my brother … and my true king.” - Daenerys V AGOT

And she tries to protect him again during the feast in Vaes Dothrak, even when he takes out his sword and threatens her and her unborn child:

A sense of dread closed around her heart. “Go to him,” she commanded Ser Jorah. “Stop him. Bring him here. Tell him he can have the dragon’s eggs if that is what he wants.” The knight rose swiftly to his feet. - Daenerys V AGOT“The blade … you must not,” she begged him. “Please, Viserys. It is forbidden. Put down the sword and come share my cushions. There’s drink, food … is it the dragon’s eggs you want? You can have them, only throw away the sword.” - Daenerys V AGOT

Daenerys most certainly has dragons blood in her. Her moments of anger are out of the hurting, suffering and death of others.

“Your servants have arrested the owner of the wineshop and his daughters. They plead their ignorance and beg for mercy.” They all plead ignorance and beg for mercy.

“Give them to the Shavepate. Skahaz, keep each apart from the others and put them to the question.”

“It will be done, Your Worship. Would you have me question them sweetly, or sharply?”

“Sweetly, to begin. Hear what tales they tell and what names they give you. It may be they had no part in this.” She hesitated.

“Nine, the noble Reznak said. Who else?”

“Three freedmen, murdered in their homes,” the Shavepate said.

“A moneylender, a cobbler, and the harpist Rylona Rhee. They cut her fingers off before they killed her.”

The queen flinched. Rylona Rhee had played the harp as sweetly as the Maiden. When she had been a slave in Yunkai, she had played for every highborn family in the city. In Meereen she had become a leader amongst the Yunkish freedmen, their voice in Dany’s councils.

“We have no captives but this wineseller?”

“None, this one grieves to confess. We beg your pardon.”

Mercy, thought Dany. They will have the dragon’s mercy. “Skahaz, I have changed my mind. Question the man sharply.”

“It was a cruel fate, Yet not so cruel as Mago's will be. I promise you that, by the old gods and the new, by the lamb god and the horse god and every god that lives. I swear by the Mother of Mountains and the Womb of the World. Before I am done with them, Mago and Ko Jhaqo will plead for the mercy they showed Eroeh.”― Daenerys ADWD

Dany even cares about her enemies. She is merciful to people that attack her:

When she told him, the boy rushed at her, but his feet tangled in his tokar and he went sprawling headlong on the purple marble. Strong Belwas was on him at once. The huge brown eunuch yanked him up one-handed and shook him like a mastiff with a rat. “Enough, Belwas,” Dany called. “Release him.” To the boy she said, “Treasure that tokar, for it saved your life. You are only a boy, so we will forget what happened here. You should do the same.” - Daenerys I ADWD

“We are all dead, then. You gave us death, not freedom.” Ghael leapt to his feet and spat into her face.

Strong Belwas seized him by the shoulder and slammed him down onto the marble so hard that Dany heard Ghael’s teeth crack. The Shavepate would have done worse, but she stopped him.

“Enough,” she said, dabbing at her cheek with the end of her tokar. “No one has ever died from spittle. Take him away.” – Daenerys III ADWD

She prompts time and time again that she has no slaves, and that those who follow are are free to leave her at any time.

“Your slave Missandei.” Jhiqui had a taper in her hand.

“My servant. I have no slaves.” – Daenerys ADWD

Dany fights against slavery. As soon as she gains any power, she starts freeing slaves:

“You will be my khalasar,” she told them. “I see the faces of slaves. I free you. Take off your collars. Go if you wish, no one shall harm you. […]” - Daenerys X ADWD

The first thing she does when Missandei is given to her is to set her free, and tell her that she can leave if she wishes:

"Missandei is no longer a slave. I free you, from this instant. Come ride with me in the litter, I wish to talk.” Rakharo helped them in, and Dany drew the curtains shut against the dust and heat. “If you stay with me you will serve as one of my handmaids,” she said as they set off. “I shall keep you by my side to speak for me as you spoke for Kraznys. But you may leave my service whenever you choose, if you have father or mother you would sooner return to.” - Daenerys III ASOS

And when Missandei’s brother dies, Dany comforts Missandei and offers to send her home again:

“As he loved you.” Dany stroked the girl’s hair. “Say the word, my sweet, and I will send you from this awful place. I will find a ship somehow and send you home. To Naath.” - Daenerys II ADWD

When Dany sees Astapor, she is deeply affected by the suffering of the slaves:

“Make way!” Jhogo shouted as he rode before her litter. “Make way for the Mother of Dragons!” But when he uncoiled the great silver-handled whip that Dany had given him, and made to crack it in the air, she leaned out and told him nay. “Not in this place, blood of my blood,” she said, in his own tongue. “These bricks have heard too much of the sound of whips.” - Daenerys II ASOS

He stopped before a thickset man who had the look of Lhazar about him and brought his whip up sharply, laying a line of blood across one copper cheek. The eunuch blinked, and stood there, bleeding. “Would you like another?” asked Kraznys.

“If it please your worship.”

It was hard to pretend not to understand. Dany laid a hand on Kraznys’s arm before he could raise the whip again. “Tell the Good Master that I see how strong his Unsullied are, and how bravely they suffer pain.” - Daenerys II ASOS

And she cares even about the lives of the masters and their children:

“More will die unless the murderers are punished.” […]

“How can I punish them when I do not know who they are?” Dany demanded of him. “Tell me that, bold Skahaz.” - Daenerys I ADWD

“Magnificence,” murmured Reznak mo Reznak, “we cannot know that these great nobles mean to join your enemies. More like they are simply making for their estates in the hills.”

“They will not mind us keeping their gold safe, then. There is nothing to buy in the hills.”

“They are afraid for their children,” Reznak said.

Yes, Daenerys thought, and so am I. “We must keep them safe as well. I will have two children from each of them. From the other pyramids as well. A boy and a girl.” - Daenerys II ADWD

Dany pushed her food about her plate. She dare not glance over to where Grazhar and Qezza stood, for fear that she might cry. The Shavepate has a harder heart than mine. They had fought about the hostages half a dozen times. “The Sons of the Harpy are laughing in their pyramids,” Skahaz said, just this morning. “What good are hostages if you will not take their heads?” In his eyes, she was only a weak woman. Hazzea was enough. What good is peace if it must be purchased with the blood of little children? “These murders are not their doing,” Dany told the Green Grace, feebly. “I am no butcher queen.” - Daenerys IV ADWD

“If he is not the Harpy, he knows him. I can find the truth of that easy enough. Give me your leave to put Hizdahr to the question, and I will bring you a confession.”

“No,” she said. “I do not trust these confessions. You’ve brought me too many of them, all of them worthless.”

“Your Radiance—”

“No, I said.” - Daenerys V ADWD

Dany studied the scroll. All the ruling families of Meereen were named: Hazkar, Merreq, Quazzar, Zhak, Rhazdar, Ghazeen, Pahl, even Reznak and Loraq. “What am I to do with a list of names?”

“Every man on that list has kin within the city. Sons and brothers, wives and daughters, mothers and fathers. Let my Brazen Beasts seize them. Their lives will win you back those ships.”

“If I send the Brazen Beasts into the pyramids, it will mean open war inside the city. I have to trust in Hizdahr. I have to hope for peace.” Dany held the parchment above a candle and watched the names go up in flame, while Skahaz glowered at her. - Daenerys V ADWD

At the end of the day, in Daenerys’ core, she wants to help people who cannot help themselves. She wants to make sure what happened to her doesn’t happen to anyone else. She wants to end slavery because she knows what it feels like to be a slave and have no voice or choice in your life.

She’s constantly thinking about her people who need her.

“I fear no ghosts. Dragons are more powerful than ghosts.” And figs are more important. - Daenerys I ACOK

Dany gave him charge of a dozen of her strongest men, and set them to pulling up the plaza to get to the earth beneath. If devilgrass could grow between the paving stones, other grasses would grow when the stones were gone. They had wells enough, no lack of water. Given seed, they could make the plaza bloom. - Daenerys I ACOK

Inside Meereen the slavers would soon be reclining in their fringed tokars to feast on lamb and olives, unborn puppies, honeyed dormice and other such delicacies, whilst outside her children went hungry. A sudden wild anger filled her. I will bring you down, she swore. - Daenerys V ASOS

If Daario could convince the Lhazarene to reopen the overland trade routes, grains could be brought down the river or over the hills at need … but the Lamb Men had no reason to love Meereen. - Daenerys I ADWD

“Not a hole. A ditch, to bring water from the river to the fields. We mean to plant beans. The beanfields must have water.” - Daenerys III ADWD

“You spoke of help. Trade with me, then. Meereen has salt to sell, and wine …” - Daenerys

Ser Barristan remained. “Our stores are ample for the moment,” he reminded her, “and Your Grace has planted beans and grapes and wheat. Your Dothraki have harried the slavers from the hills and struck the shackles from their slaves. They are planting too, and will be bringing their crops to Meereen to market. And you will have the friendship of Lhazar.” - Daenerys V ADWD

What kind of mother has no milk to feed her children? - Daenerys VI ADWD

And even when Dany is starving and sick in the Dothraki sea, she’s still trying to return to her people to take care of them:

It was time, though. A girl might spend her life at play, but she was a woman grown, a queen, a wife, a mother to thousands. Her children had need of her. - Daenerys X ADWD

She’s willing to put her life on the line to help others. In the books when a sickness comparable to the plague hits her city, bitch goes out into the streets of Mereen and fucking BATHES the sick while Barristan and one of her Unsullied tell her repeatedly that they should leave.

Dany walked right past him. There was an old man on the ground a few feet away, moaning and staring up at the grey belly of the clouds. She knelt beside him, wrinkling her nose at the smell, and pushed back his dirty grey hair to feel his brow. “His flesh is on fire. I need water to bathe him. Seawater will serve. Marselen, will you fetch some for me? I need oil as well, for the pyre. Who will help me burn the dead?”

By the time Aggo returned with Grey Worm and fifty of the Unsullied loping behind his horse, Dany had shamed all of them into helping her. – Daenerys VI ADWD

She wants to keep her people safe.

Safe. The word made Dany’s eyes fill up with tears. “I want to keep you safe.” Missandei was only a child. With her, she felt as if she could be a child too. “No one ever kept me safe when I was little. Well, Ser Willem did, but then he died, and Viserys … I want to protect you but … it is so hard. To be strong. I don’t always know what I should do. I must know, though. I am all they have. I am the queen … the … the …” - Daenerys II ADWD

Gods, she prayed, you took Khal Drogo, who was my sun-and-stars. You took our valiant son before he drew a breath. You have had your blood of me. Help me now, I pray you. Give me the wisdom to see the path ahead and the strength to do what I must to keep my children safe. - Daenerys V ADWD

“If battle is joined, let Grey Worm show wisdom as well as valor,” Dany told him. “Spare any slave who runs or throws down his weapon. The fewer slain, the more remain to join us after.” - Daenerys IV ASOS

She refuses to turn her back on people in need.

“It shall be done, Magnificence,” said Reznak mo Reznak. “What of these Astapori?”

My children. “They are coming here for help. For succor and protection. We cannot turn our backs on them.” - Daenerys V ADWD

“Mouths on feet. And sick, you say?” Reznak wrung his hands. “Your Worship must not allow them in the city.”

“I wouldn’t,” said Brown Ben Plumm. “I’m no maester, mind you, but I know you got to keep the bad apples from the good.”

“These are not apples, Ben,” said Dany. “These are men and women, sick and hungry and afraid.” My children. - Daenerys V ADWD

Even feeding them had grown difficult. Every day she sent them what she could, but every day there were more of them and less food to give them. It was growing harder to find drivers willing to deliver the food as well. Too many of the men they had sent into the camp had been stricken by the flux themselves. Others had been attacked on the way back to the city. Yesterday a wagon had been overturned and two of her soldiers killed, so today the queen had determined that she would bring the food herself. Every one of her advisors had argued fervently against it, from Reznak and the Shavepate to Ser Barristan, but Daenerys would not be moved. “I will not turn away from them,” she said stubbornly. “A queen must know the sufferings of her people.” - Daenerys VI ADWD

She had tried to do what she could for them. She had sent them healers, Blue Graces and spell-singers and barber-surgeons, but some of those had sickened as well, and none of their arts had slowed the galloping progression of the flux that had come on the pale mare. – Daenerys VI ADWD

Many shat where they slept now, too feeble to crawl to the ditches she’d commanded them to dig. – Daenerys VI ADWD

“They are too feeble,” said Symon Stripeback.

Dany said, “More food might make them stronger.”

Symon shook his head. “Food should not be wasted on the dying, Your Worship. We do not have enough to feed the living.”

He was not wrong, she knew, but that did not make the words any easier to hear. “This is far enough,” the queen decided. “We’ll feed them here.” – Daenerys VI ADWD

Her wish for peace comes from not wanting to see bloodshed, from wanting to protect her people, and from thinking of all the people she failed to save:

Much of the talk about the table was of the matches to be fought upon the morrow. […] No queen has clean hands, Dany told herself. She thought of Doreah, of Quaro, of Eroeh … of a little girl she had never met, whose name had been Hazzea. Better a few should die in the pit than thousands at the gates. This is the price of peace, I pay it willingly. If I look back, I am lost. - Daenerys VIII ADWD

When she sees injustice, she puts a stop to it immediately. She saves Tyrion and Penny while others simply saw them as disposable people there to die for their entertainment:

Dany was not pleased. “I forbid it.”

“Gentle queen. You do not want to disappoint your people.”

“You swore to me that the fighters would be grown men who had freely consented to risk their lives for gold and honor. These dwarfs did not consent to battle lions with wooden swords. You will stop it. Now.” - Daenerys IX ADWD

She has a wonderful military mind as well. She shows off her intelligence especially when she sacks one of the cities from the inside out, something I think they let Daario have because once again, Men. But anyways, she’s really smart and so intelligent. 

Dany cares about the lives of the Unsullied when no one else does. When Daario suggests that the Unsullied should attack the walls of Meereen under boiling oil because they feel no pain, Dany refuses, and tries to suggest a plan to avoid bloodshed.

Dany sighed. “I will not throw away Unsullied lives, Grey Worm. Perhaps we can starve the city out.” - Daenerys V ASOS

“A queen must listen to all,” she reminded him. “The highborn and the low, the strong and the weak, the noble and the venal. One voice may speak you false, but in many there is always truth to be found.” – Daenerys I ASOS

Dany insists on not turning away from the horrors in her way, and insists on personally seeing them. When the masters of Meereen crucify the children, Dany cares about them, and insists that she must see them:

Leading her van, Daario had given orders for the children to be taken down before Dany had to see them, but she had countermanded him as soon as she was told. “I will see them,” she said. “I will see every one, and count them, and look upon their faces. And I will remember.” - Daenerys V ASOS

When one of her soldiers is killed by the Sons of the Harpy, Dany cares, and insists that she must see him:

“Your Grace,” said Ser Barristan Selmy, the lord commander of her Queensguard, “there is no need for you to see this.”“He died for me.” - Daenerys I ADWD

Daenerys is very self sacrificial.

Dany is someone who is constantly ready to sacrifice herself for others. She is willing to stand up for other people and take risks to protect others from the very beginning, even before she becomes queen in her own right, before she her own power.

When Drogo attacks the Lhazareen, and Dany sees the horrors of war and what Drogo is doing to take the Iron Throne for their son, Dany stands up for the Lhazareen women, stopping the rape, and earning the enmity of Drogo’s men. She risks her life by going against them (and later, after Dany keeps defying them and defying taboos, they do try to kill her):

When she was done, Drogo was frowning. “This is the way of war. These women are our slaves now, to do with as we please.”

“It pleases me to hold them safe,” Dany said, wondering if she had dared too much. “If your warriors would mount these women, let them take them gently and keep them for wives. Give them places in the khalasar and let them bear you sons.” - Daenerys VII AGOT

“No,” Dany said. “I will not have her harmed.”

Qotho’s lips skinned back from his crooked brown teeth in a terrible mockery of a smile. “No? You say me no? Better you should pray that we do not stake you out beside your maegi. You did this, as much as the other.” - Daenerys VIII AGOT

When Drogo becomes sick, even though Dany is afraid, she tells herself that she would sacrifice herself for him:

“Death?” Dany wrapped her arms around herself protectively, rocked back and forth on her heels. “My death?” She told herself she would die for him, if she must. She was the blood of the dragon, she would not be afraid. Her brother Rhaegar had died for the woman he loved. - Daenerys VIII AGOT

When Dany is travelling through the Red Waste with her people, she doesn’t claim any privileges, and goes hungry and thirsty with her people:

Dany hungered and thirsted with the rest of them. The milk in her breasts dried up, her nipples cracked and bled, and the flesh fell away from her day by day until she was lean and hard as a stick, yet it was her dragons she feared for. -Daenerys I ACOK

Once again, Dany puts her life in danger to help people, this time to free slaves, even though Dany is afraid (if her plan didn’t work, she and her people would have died):

If I look back I am lost, Dany told herself the next morning as she entered Astapor through the harbor gates. She dared not remind herself how small and insignificant her following truly was, or she would lose all courage. - Daenerys III ASOS

When Dany frees the slaves in Astapor, she lets them follow her, even though they are more of a burden:

The raggle-taggle host of freedmen dwarfed her own, but they were more burden than benefit. Perhaps one in a hundred had a donkey, a camel, or an ox; most carried weapons looted from some slaver’s armory, but only one in ten was strong enough to fight, and none was trained. They ate the land bare as they passed, like locusts in sandals. Yet Dany could not bring herself to abandon them as Ser Jorah and her bloodriders urged. I told them they were free. I cannot tell them now they are not free to join me. She gazed at the smoke rising from their cookfires and swallowed a sigh. She might have the best footsoldiers in the world, but she also had the worst. - Daenerys IV ASOS

Even though Dany wants to sail to Westeros, Dany constantly chooses to sacrifice her goals in order to stay in Slaver’s Bay and take care of her people:

“There is nothing to stay for,” said Brown Ben Plumm.

“Your Grace, the slavers brought their doom on themselves,” said Daario Naharis.

“You have brought freedom as well,” Missandei pointed out.

“Freedom to starve?” asked Dany sharply. “Freedom to die? Am I a dragon, or a harpy?” Am I mad? Do I have the taint?

“A dragon,” Ser Barristan said with certainty. “Meereen is not Westeros, Your Grace.”

“But how can I rule seven kingdoms if I cannot rule a single city?” He had no answer to that. Dany turned away from them, to gaze out over the city once again. “My children need time to heal and learn. My dragons need time to grow and test their wings. And I need the same. I will not let this city go the way of Astapor. I will not let the harpy of Yunkai chain up those I’ve freed all over again.” She turned back to look at their faces. “I will not march.”

“What will you do then, Khaleesi?” asked Rakharo.

“Stay,” she said. “Rule. And be a queen.” - Daenerys VI ASOS

When Xaro offers her ships to go to Westeros, Dany refuses again:

“Enough.” Dany slapped the table. “No one will be left to die. You are all my people.” Her dreams of home and love had blinded her. “I will not abandon Meereen to the fate of Astapor. It grieves me to say so, but Westeros must wait.” - Daenerys III ADWD

Dany agrees to marry a man she hates and sacrifices her happiness for the sake of her people:

… but Daenerys Targaryen had other children, tens of thousands who had hailed her as their mother when she broke their chains. She thought of Stalwart Shield, of Missandei’s brother, of the woman Rylona Rhee, who had played the harp so beautifully. No marriage would ever bring them back to life, but if a husband could help end the slaughter, then she owed it to her dead to marry. - Daenerys IV ADWD

“It is not,” she agreed, “but it is important to me that you should understand. My people are bleeding. Dying. A queen belongs not to herself, but to the realm. Marriage or carnage, those are my choices. A wedding or a war.” - Daenerys IV ADWD

When Dany is offered yet another choice to go to Westeros, and this time with a powerful alliance with Dorne, Dany sacrifices this for her people and still decides to marry Hizdahr:

“It would please me if he had turned up with these fifty thousand swords he speaks of. Instead he brings two knights and a parchment. Will a parchment shield my people from the Yunkai'i? If he had come with a fleet …”

“Sunspear has never been a sea power, Your Grace.”

“No.” Dany knew enough of Westerosi history to know that. Nymeria had landed ten thousand ships upon Dorne’s sandy shores, but when she wed her Dornish prince she had burned them all and turned her back upon the sea forever. “Dorne is too far away. To please this prince, I would need to abandon all my people. You should send him home.” - Daenerys VIII ADWD

And when Dany marries Hizdahr and has her wedding night with him, we see just how much she is sacrificing her happiness:

Dany flinched. “Who is there?”

“Only Missandei.” The Naathi scribe moved closer to the bed. “This one heard you crying.”

“Crying? I was not crying. Why would I cry? I have my peace, I have my king, I have everything a queen might wish for. You had a bad dream, that was all.” – Daenerys VIII ADWD

This willingness to self sacrifice that Dany has is tied not only to the fact that she cares about people, but also to the fact that she sees taking care of her people and protecting them as her duty as queen. We can see, in several moments, how Dany is both self-sacrificing and dutiful, and how she is constantly being self critical and reminding herself of her duties as a queen:

“I was alone for a long time, Jorah. All alone but for my brother. I was such a small scared thing. Viserys should have protected me, but instead he hurt me and scared me worse. He shouldn’t have done that. He wasn’t just my brother, he was my king. Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?”

“Some kings make themselves. Robert did.”

“He was no true king,” Dany said scornfully. “He did no justice. Justice … that’s what kings are for.” - Daenerys III ASOS

Dany would gladly have sent the rest of the petitioners away … but she was still their queen, so she heard them out and did her best to give them justice. - Daenerys III ADWD

“Your Grace could not have known—”

“I am the queen. It was my place to know.” - Daenerys V ADWD

A queen belongs not to herself but to her people. - Daenerys V ADWD

“A queen must know the sufferings of her people.” - Daenerys VI ADWD

She would rather have drifted in the fragrant pool all day, eating iced fruit off silver trays and dreaming of a house with a red door, but a queen belongs to her people, not to herself. - Daenerys IX ADWD

It was time, though. A girl might spend her life at play, but she was a woman grown, a queen, a wife, a mother to thousands. Her children had need of her. Drogon had bent before the whip, and so must she. She had to don her crown again and return to her ebon bench and the arms of her noble husband. - Daenerys X ADWD

So yeah. I probably forgot something but... I really truly with everything inside me love the fuck out of her. 

it’s time for a sleepover!

[alexschurick-blog]

When it comes to psychological experiments the period spanning the 40 years or so after the end of World War II was nothing short of scary.

Scientists were physically administering electric shocks to people with sometimes, high doses of electricity, putting others (often children) through severe mental and physical trauma and abusing animals to an extent that doesn’t even bare thinking about for a compassionate human being.

We also had the authorities at Harvard turning a blind eye to experiments with LSD in a basement conducted by students trying to make contact with God, and subjecting a man by the name of Ted Kaczynski to 3-years of humiliation and anguish in the name of science.

In case you don’t know, Kaczynski later went on to be the Unabomber and killed 3-people. You can decide whether the authorities at Harvard deserve any culpability in regard to his later actions.

It’s almost unfathomable now to think of any of the following experiments being sanctioned.

However, that doesn’t mean that the ones already conducted don’t offer an amazing insight into the human psyche.

So, prepare to be appalled, as well as fascinated by what is to follow.

7 Dreadful Psychological Experiments

1. The Stanford Prison Psychological Experiment

This notorious experiment has spawned books and even movies such were the shocking results and conclusions.

In 1971, Psychologist Philip Zimbardo constructed a fake prison under (ironically) the Stanford psyche department and kitted it out with survey cameras so all the action could be filmed.

He recruited 24 undergraduates to either play the part of an inmate, or that of a prison guard.

Whereas the prisoners were kept in their cells 24/7 the guards were rotated on 8-hour shifts.

The guards were instructed to be strict and not to tolerate any ‘trouble makers’ or disobedience.

It didn’t take them long to follow their instructions, when on day 2 the prisoners rebelled and blockaded their cells.

The 2-week experiment lasted a mere 6-days when the ‘prisoners’ were pulled out with Zimbardo starting to fear for, not just their safety, but their lives.

Less than a week was all it took for the guards to resort to shocking tactics of sexual humiliation as well as psychological and physical abuse.

Some prisoners were already showing signs of learned helplessness and depression.

The Take Away

As human beings we all have the capacity to act in appalling ways under extreme circumstances.

In 1939 there were almost 70 million Germans on this planet, do you really think that more than a tiny minority were anti-Semitic or wanted to rule the world?

These students weren’t unusual and if you’d been one of them you would have almost certainly acted in a similar manner – even though you probably think you wouldn’t.

  2. Stanley Milgram’s Shocking Experiment

Milgram’s is possible the most famous psychological experiment of all time and almost as concerning as the Stanford experiment.

He hypothesized that the followers and enablers of Adolf Eichmann one of the most instrumental Nazis when it came to organizing the Holocaust, may be no more than normal people submitting to authority.

Milgram told his pairs of subjects that he was conducting an experiment on memory and then assigned one of the pair as the teacher and one the pupil or learner.

Unbeknown to the person who was assigned to be the teacher in each experiment (it was done through a rigged ballot), the other person was really an actor aware of the real purpose of the experiment.

The teacher and student were split into separate rooms and the teacher was then instructed to apply an electric shock to the other person every time they got a question wrong.

The severity of the ‘shocks’ were increased incrementally and the participants could even hear the other person screaming in pain.

Yet by and large they kept applying the shocks to such a level that there would have been a lot of explaining to do with dead bodies and severely damaged people if they had been real.

Some resisted at first and said they didn’t like administering the pain, but continued to do so when told by the man in a white coat it was all part of the experiment.

The Take Away

Not only are we all capable of inflicting pain upon others, we are also massively influenced by authority figures and under such ‘perfect storm’ situations all rational behavior evaporates.

If a person in authority (or even perceived authority)  delivers a message over and over again from a position of power, eventually we start to believe it,

In the meantime I’m off to buy a white coat.

The Good Samaritan Experiment

Over 40 Princeton students were recruited to supposedly deliver a talk on another part of campus in the early 1970’s.

When getting their instructions they were then primed with one of three statements designed to elicit mild, moderate and severe urgency in terms of how quickly they needed to get to the venue and start their talk.

On their route the experimenters had positioned a man doubled up in pain, coughing uncontrollably and obviously in a lot of distress and in need of help.

They wanted to see what effect the urgency of the instructions had on the students likelihood of stopping to help.

Less than 50% of students stopped at all and a mere 10% of those who were told their talk had to start quickly and people were waiting for them.

Some literally even stepped over the man and didn’t stop.

The irony was that these were Seminary students and half were told they were giving talk on the parable of the Good Samaritan.

The Take Away

Many of us will help others, but the likelihood of us doing so is dependent on so many factors, not least of which is, are we in a hurry or not?

4. The One Marshmallow Or Two Experiment?

Another famous Stanford experiment from the 1960’s led by Walter Mischel involved testing the ability of children to resist short-term pleasure for longer-term gain.

4-year-old children were placed in a room one at a time with a bowl of marshmallows and not a fat lot else to focus their attention on.

They were then told that they could either eat one marshmallow now, or they could have two when the experimenter returned in 15 minutes time.

The majority of children opted for the latter option, but then caved in when left alone to their own devices.

You may think that wasn’t very surprising, after all most kids like shoveling sweet shit into their mouths and self control isn’t usually a word adopted to describe 4-year-olds.

However, the real genius of the experiment was the follow up and tracking of the participants.

The kids who resisted were far less likely to have issues with drink and/or drugs later on in life and overall were far more successful than the kids who gave into temptation.

The Take Away

Maybe teaching kids self control should be higher up our collective agendas?

5. The Brown Eyes/Blue Eyes Experiment

The day after the assassination of Martin Luther King, teacher Jane Elliott decided that she wanted to help her third-grade students understand the consequences of being a minority in a Society rife with racism, fear and hatred.

With their permission (although being given permission by an 8-year-old for such an experiment is dubious at best) she split the group into those with blue eyes and those with not.

She declared that blue-eyed people were superior and treated that group accordingly by being more relaxed about discipline with them, giving them longer recess times and paying them more attention.

The other children were ordered to sit at the back of the class and were treated harshly and with contempt.

The most staggering part of this ad lib experiment was the fact that as soon as the end of just the first day massive changes had already taken place.

The blue-eyed children who had been previously struggling started to perform better and similarly the smarter brown-eyed kids were all of a sudden struggling.

Not only that, but the blue-eyed kids soon started to taunt the others and gloat.

Elliott was wise enough to flip the exercise after the first day to give both sides the opportunity to understand what it feels like to be treated in such a manner.

An important finding in an experiment that has been replicated many times with the same results, was that the dark-eyed kids didn’t taunt their fellow students to the extent that they had been taunted.

The Take Away

It seems that for the most part we find it difficult (although of course by no means impossible) to truly empathize with minorities.

Unless that is, we too have been treated poorly because we belonged to a minority group first.

Some people have never been treated poorly by minorities because they were/are too powerful.

6. The Bystander Effect Experiment

In 1964 Kitty Genovese was murdered in New York in full view of an undetermined number of people, but in all probability well over 20, but probably less than the 38 reported at the time.

Her assailant, Winston Moseley didn’t even kill her quickly.

After stabbing her once and somebody shouting at him to ‘leave her alone‘ he ran back to his car, only to return shortly after to stab her multiple times as she lay on the ground bleeding.

The media were up in arms at how many people had failed to do anything and it sparked a storm that has never quite abated.

The Bystander Effect is the belief that the more people who witness a scene such as the one above, the less any one individual is likely to do anything about it.

Psychologists John Darley and Bibb Latane decided to test this theory 4 years after the event.

This time however they used the ruse of somebody having a life-threatening seizure and as per the Milgram experiment the study group could not see the person in trouble only hear them.

The results were startling similar to what happened with Kitty Genovese.

The more people who were aware of the person needing help, the less likely anybody was to offer it.

The Take Away

On an early Coach The Life Coach course I was looking for volunteers for a couple of processes I wanted to teach.

I sent out a blanket e-mail asking people to step forward.

Nobody did.

What I should have done was e-mail people individually and ask them if they’d care to help out.

So if you ever find yourself in medical difficulty surrounded by strangers, don’t cry for help in general.

Instead point at one person and say, “You there, I think I’m about to shuffle off this mortal coil, could you possibly arrange for an ambulance my good fellow” Or something like that.

7. The Robbers Cave Experiment

In the summer of 1954 two buses picked up two groups of eleven 12-year-old boys and took them to Robbers Cave State Park in Oklahoma.

None of the boys knew any of the others in their group and neither group knew of the existence of the other, at least for the first week.

After the first week social psychologist Muzafer Sherif arranged for the boys to meet one another and for a competitive element to be introduced.

Already the boys had created distinct group cultures culminating in giving themselves the names of ‘The Rattlers’ and ‘The Eagles’.

However, this was taken to a whole new level when it was announced there would be a series of competitions including a baseball game.

The Rattlers took over the field immediately even planting a flag to demonstrate that they now owned the field even before the game had gotten underway.

From thereon in things deteriorated rapidly from name calling and verbal abuse to ransacking of the ‘oppositions’ living quarters and stealing of property.

Like The Stanford Prison Experiment the organizers soon had to step in to avoid the very real chance of physical violence.

During a 2-day cooling off period the boys were asked questions about one another and even though only 2-weeks earlier they had never met any people in their group they still viewed them far more favorably.

The Take Away

From an ethical stand point like a number of these experiments it leaves a lot to be desired. All the participants were white and all boys aged 12, so it’s hardly representative.

However, we see this kind of behavior all the time and at almost every level.

A certain unnamed President has crushed it!

He has taken the ‘us and them’ model to a whole new level.

But do you know why, and maybe more importantly, how, he has done that?

Because he can, and because too many people have allowed him to.

And (for the most part) they are not bad people – they have just been conned by a second-rate car sales person who understands cognitive biases.

So what’s your take?

I’d love to hear on the comments.

The post 7 Dreadful Psychological Experiments (and why science may have benefited from them) appeared first on A Daring Adventure.

[ben-solo-lives]

When even the mental health professionals gave up on me

My name is Rachel. I'm a typical 19 year old girl from Dundee in Scotland. Apart from one thing, I have depression and anxiety. I don't say this to "seek attention" or use it as an excuse to be "lazy". It's real and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. From age 16 I've suffered with depression since my gran passed away, which was a huge blow to me as I was so close to her and fair to say being first on the scene, to sum it up I seen too much. That year I also lost my best friend, my pony, Danny. And I'm a great believer that animals are very therapeutic for people with mental illness so after I lost him I lost myself too. Since then I've had a personality made up of a huge variety of pills. I went through school psychology but school very quickly gave up on me and just left me in support for learning classes alone for hours, then I thought I got my dream break. A job working at a stables, but then things got worse. In 2016 I began self harming and I started to drown in depression even though I had the had dream job as a horse riding instructor that I had to claw and scrape for because no one believed that at age 17 I would manage, but I did until depression took the reins and I had to leave. I was made out to be a liar and lazy by my old bosses and work colleagues who simply didn't understand what I was going through. My name was tarnished around other stables. After losing my gran and Danny months apart from each other, then school giving up on me, my world came crashing down for a third time when the people I called my colleagues and friends gave up me too. I made the choice to leave the stables and all my friends I loved all together and move on with my horse Rico to pastures new. I only hear from a few people at my first stables now, where I spent 10 years of my life, but in a way I'm glad, it shows who truly is my friends. Next I moved on to private psychology, kindly given to me all for free from a lady I used to teach who was worried about me. She is one of the few who didn't give up on me. I started to make improvements, I moved on and eventually got a new job in a bar towards the end of 2016 where I met the love of my life, I even had plans to go to college and study business, but depression creeped back in again. I started on medication again and watched as my world collapsed around me for the fourth time. My boyfriend left me. This was a big trigger point, I fall fast and love hard and think the best of everyone because that's just in my nature, it's the way I've always been, so as you can imagine the thought of loosing someone I love was killing me. Then I was advised I shouldn't be working as I was too mentally unstable, I said goodbye to my job and my friends there. I still put up a fight though. I made it very clear to my now ex boyfriend that I loved him and had nothing left to loose, and that I'd wait for him. Until he'd finished his marine training because he didn't feel he could be with me and juggle training, which I understood although it broke my already shattered heart. No one would know from the outside that I had depression, I'm very good at putting a front on usually, but in typical Rachel style, when I break, I break hard and that's impossible to hide. That brings me to Carseview Mental Health Centre. The wonderful place that I pinned all my hopes on being my last resort, my saving grace. Pfft not. I was admitted as an out patient to the "Crisis team" but I was treated merely if I was some bratty teenager throwing a strop because I wasn't getting my own way. They didn't believe me at all. It was like I was crying out, screaming, but no one could hear. They visited my house daily and every day it was someone new. Who didn't know my story, but promised me the world and all I ended up with was rate my mood from 1-10 sheets and colouring books, I didn't know wanting to kill myself every minute of every day could have a number or be fixed by a colouring book. By this point I was furious, and lost, and empty and hopeless. All at the same time, so I went out and got drunk and when I got home tried to commit suicide. And failed, every time I now look at where my light used to hang it's a chilling reminder. I told the "crisis team" and they then decided to discharge me that same day because I was too aggressive and uncooperative because I wouldn't rate how much I wanted to die with a stupid number because that's all they seen me as. A statistic, a quick check to see I hadn't killed myself that day to put a tick in a box. Even the mental health crisis team gave up on me. How more hopeless can things get.. at least I still had a strong group of friends right?? Wrong. I've lost a lot of friends as of late, some have drifted, others betrayed my trust and spread word of my depression and suicide attempts like the next juicy piece of gossip, others couldn't deal with me, but a mere handful, have stayed, and they will know who they are. Those of you who used to be my friends, if you're reading all of this shocked at the dramas that have happened to me, you're not really my friend. Or anything I'm writing would be no surprise to you. At times even my own family and Peter.. who I consider the love of my life who ill wait forever for, didn't believe in me or trust me, and quite frankly I don't blame them, the amount of times I've sneaked off, gotten absolutely blackout drunk, tried to commit suicide or self harmed, hell, even I wouldn't trust me. But surprisingly a few good things have come from almost everyone, even the mental health specialists giving up on me, It has lit a fire inside me I didn't even know I had, it has given me a voice to use as a weapon, with positive thoughts behind my voice saying I am enough and I deserve only the best for ammunition, it made me realise I deserve only the best. I didnt deserve the lack of respect and care from the appalling "crisis team" that I received, I didn't need the fake friends that were there when I was at my best.. but deserted and betrayed me at my worst. I learned I shouldn't give a damn about the rumours ignorant people who refuse to accept depression is real spread about me and keep my head high. It made me realise I shouldn't try and hide or be ashamed of my depression, that it's okay to be open about it, and that quickly separated who was really there for me and who wasn't, and I chose to surround myself with those positive people. And as for everyone else who doesn't give a damn, like I was saying about that fire inside me. I have learned to stand up for myself, but remain true to myself at the same time, kind but not a walkover, all of the times people have given up on me has made me so much stronger. Every time it has nudged me closer to the realisation of, "Rachel, it doesn't matter who gives up on you, at the end of the day as long as you don't give up on yourself". Sure I still have my bad days, sometimes bad weeks, but now after all my hardship I know who I am, and what I'm worth and I know that now at age 19, three years since all this started that I can and will fight and survive anything depression and this often cruel world decides to throw at me next, because I know I have a handful of amazing people around me who love me, even on days I can't love myself, and if it weren't for hard times, I would never have known I could truly depend on these people so I'm luckier than most in that respect. Also I have another horse, after Danny I got Rico, who has a lot of issues with nervousness. It's almost like we help fix each other and I can't help but think sometimes that a part of Danny lives on in him. In life you can let terrible things make you or break you, and I'm going to ensure that I keep that fire inside me burning that I developed through hard times and people giving up on me time and time again and ensure depression makes me the strongest person I know I can be, hell, I've already begun.