#apology tour alana

[labellerose-acheron]

Belle knew she was being overly emotional. She couldn't help herself, but maybe that made this a bad idea. Hopefully, people just thought she was being empathetic, but she knew--especially for the people she didn't know well, or wasn't particularly close to, that her emotions would be unwanted. (If she was in Alana's position, she'd probably look at her the same way.)

And that made her paranoid too, worried that someone might question her motivations.

"Right, yes. Of course," Belle said and pulled the flower she indicated off the bouquet. She stepped forward to hand it directly to Alana, but after thinking about it, she placed it on the side table instead.

"I'll just--uhm, if you need anything, please don't...hesitate to ask. Or, uhm, get in touch with Toulouse. Uhm, anyway--I hope your recovery goes well."

Apology Tour *** [Open]

[rockislandadultreads]

New Romance Titles: Book Recs

Count Your Lucky Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur

Margot Cooper doesn’t do relationships. She tried and it blew up in her face, so she’ll stick with casual hookups, thank you very much. But now her entire crew has found "the one" and she’s beginning to feel like a fifth wheel. And then fate (the heartless bitch) intervenes. While touring a wedding venue with her engaged friends, Margot comes face-to-face with Olivia Grant—her childhood friend, her first love, her first… well, everything. It’s been ten years, but the moment they lock eyes, Margot’s cold, dead heart thumps in her chest. Olivia must be hallucinating. In the decade since she last saw Margot, her life hasn’t gone exactly as planned. At almost thirty, she’s been married... and divorced. However, a wedding planner job in Seattle means a fresh start and a chance to follow her dreams. Never in a million years did she expect her important new client’s Best Woman would be the one that got away. When a series of unfortunate events leaves Olivia without a place to stay, Margot offers up her spare room because she’s a Very Good Person. Obviously. It has nothing to do with the fact that Olivia is as beautiful as ever and the sparks between them still make Margot tingle. As they spend time in close quarters, Margot starts to question her no-strings stance. Olivia is everything she’s ever wanted, but Margot let her in once and it ended in disaster. Will history repeat itself or should she count her lucky stars that she gets a second chance with her first love?

I'm So (Not) Over You by Kosoko Jackson

It's been months since aspiring journalist Kian Andrews has heard from his ex-boyfriend, Hudson Rivers, but an urgent text has them meeting at a café. Maybe Hudson wants to profusely apologize for the breakup. Or confess his undying love. . . But no, Hudson has a favor to ask--he wants Kian to pretend to be his boyfriend while his parents are in town, and Kian reluctantly agrees. The dinner doesn't go exactly as planned, and suddenly Kian is Hudson's plus one to Georgia's wedding of the season. Hudson comes from a wealthy family where reputation is everything, and he really can't afford another mistake. If Kian goes, he'll help Hudson preserve appearances and get the opportunity to rub shoulders with some of the biggest names in media. This could be the big career break Kian needs. But their fake relationship is starting to feel like it might be more than a means to an end, and it's time for both men to fact-check their feelings.

Seoulmates by Jen Frederick

When Hara Wilson lands in Seoul to find her birth mother, she doesn’t plan on falling in love with the first man she lays eyes on, but Choi Yujun is irresistible. If his broad shoulders and dimples weren’t enough, Choi Yujun is the most genuine, decent, gorgeous guy to exist. Too bad he’s also her stepbrother. Fate brought her to the Choi doorstep but the gift of family comes with burdens. A job in her mother’s company has perks of endless company dinners and super resentful coworkers. A new country means learning a new language which twenty-five year old Hara is finding to be a Herculean task. A forbidden love means having to choose between her birth family or Choi Yujun. All Hara wanted was to find a place to belong in this world—but in order to have it all, she’ll have to risk it all.

Ramón and Julieta by Alana Albertson

Ramón Montez always achieves his goals. Whether that means collecting Ivy League degrees or growing his father's fast-food empire, nothing sets Ramón off course. So when the sexy señorita who kissed him on the Day of the Dead runs off into the night with his heart, he determines to do whatever it takes to find her again. Celebrity chef Julieta Campos has sacrificed everything to save her sea-to-table taqueria from closing. To her horror, she discovers that her new landlord is none other than the magnetic mariachi she hooked up with on Dia de los Muertos. Even worse, it was his father who stole her mother's taco recipe decades ago. Julieta has no choice but to work with Ramón, the man who destroyed her life's work--and the one man who tempts and inspires her. As San Diego's outraged community protests against the Taco King take-over and the divide between their families grows, Ramón and Julieta struggle to balance the rising tensions. But Ramón knows that true love is priceless and despite all of his successes, this is the one battle he refuses to lose.

[attina-the-responsible]

How to Make Up with a Sister According to Mermaids ~*~ [Coral feat. the other mersisters]

In which Alana and Aquata have arranged a surprise for Attina during her hen party...[takes place on May 22, 2021]

@andrina-the-amazingsupergenius​, @adella-the-idyllic​, @arista-the-musical​, @aquata-the-champ​, @alana-the-brilliant​

[tw -- mentions of miscarriage/child death, sisters fighting :(]

ALANA: So far, so good.

The weekend was going very well if you asked Alana. She'd managed to corral everyone into at least slightly matching outfits and Tina was super pleased with all the decor. They'd played a few of those cheesy games and were working their way through the custom Attina cocktails they'd made.

All was well.

Alana glanced at Aquata across the room. The rest of the plan involved perfect timing.

"Attina!" Alana cooed, draping an arm around her sister. "Let's put on these feather boas and take a few polaroid pics!! I got a tiara for you!"

AQUATA: Aquata nodded at Alana seriously from across the room, like they were about to pull off a secret mission. They were, in a way. Operation Get Attina and Andrina To Put Their Bullshit Aside for One Week Because It's Attina's Wedding and Seriously People This Is More Important.

They could workshop the name, anyway.

She made her way over to the door. Secure the exits. That was important. Then she pulled out her phone. It's go time, she texted Alana.

ALANA: She felt her phone buzz. Right, good. All was going to plan. Attina was at least buzzed, if not drunk, and all too eager to go along with Alana's plans.

"Oh!" she said, as if she'd just gotten a great idea. "Here, sit down! We'll cover you with streamers and it'll look so cute." There we go -- totally pile Attina with stuff so she couldn't get away. "Come, help me girls!"

ATTINA: Attina was quite tipsy.

She had definitely probably drank more than she needed to, but it wasn't her fault that people kept putting drinks in her hands! When you had seven sisters who all made you a cocktail, the polite thing to do was drink it!

Also, her wedding was just in a few short days. This was a time to celebrate. They all deserved it, she thought. And, although this day was hers, Attina wanted to share it with her family, so it could be a good memory for all of them. So, she was doing her best to let loose (it wasn't that hard) and was enjoying the night, even if they were convincing her to do more and more ridiculous things.

She squealed as everyone descended upon her, covering her in plastic beads, several boas, and plenty of streamers and party poppers.

"Ah! I'm not gonna be able to move my arms," she giggled as she shimmied her shoulders a bit to try and dislodge some of the extra trappings. "This is so ridiculous!"

ALANA: Lana glanced at Aquata from across the room and nodded. Then, turning to Tina she giggled, pretending to be more drunk than she was.

"Teeny," she gushed. "We have a big surprise for you~ Aquata, roll it in!"

AQUATA: Aquata nodded and walked out through the door. Honestly, this was an absolutely ridiculous idea, but... it just might work. It was kind of fitting. The Tritons were ridiculous, after all. She rolled the giant cake in on the cart, which was decorated with glitter and more feather boas, and grinned at Alana, though behind her smile, she was honestly a little nervous.

"Alright, let's do this."

ANDRINA: Andrina was inside the cake.

Andrina had always wanted to be inside a cake. In fact, if she thought about it, her vicious fight with Attina and subsequent flight from all things Triton had set her up to complete this very dream and therefore gift Attina with the world’s best bachelorette surprise of all time. Who wanted a stripper when you could have your estranged sister pop out of nowhere? Oh yeah, this was a great idea. Attina would scream, then she’d probably cry, they’d laugh, they’d hug, they’d forget all about their fight, thus rendering an apology from either side unnecessary, and then they’d move on! Hallelujah! Merry Christmas! Happy You’re Getting Married Day!

This was what was running through her mind while crouching in the cake. It was also her reasoning when the plan was initially devised. And to be honest, it was at least 10 percent of the reason Andrina had dropped her international tour of crime to RSVP to the wedding in the first place.

And okay, maybe she also missed Attina and wanted to see her big sis get married.

She waited, with baited breath (seriously, how much oxygen was in this thing? Imagine dying in a massive cake. What a way to go) until she heard Attina squealing outside. Three… two…. this was absolutely not a bad idea and no one was going to regret it… one…

“SURPRISE!” Andrina popped up, bursting through the top of the cake and then pulling on her separate popper to unleash it.

ATTINA: “Oh my gosh, no!” Attina squealed and giggled when she saw the ridiculous cake. She knew what it would be, because this was what happened in all the cliche movies. (Honestly, she didn’t even know those things were real.)

She wasn’t particularly mad about it. Strippers at bachelorette parties, in her opinion, were not there to be sexy and turn you on—but to embarrass you and make everyone giggle.

So, yeah, she’d play along—and get mad at her sisters for being so stupid. But in that fun, playful way that champagne kept from turning into real anger.

But then a unfamiliar stripper didn’t pop out of the cake.

“ANDRINA?” Attina barked at once, sitting up straight, all of the giddy alcohol draining from her veins in an instant. Her gaze bounced around to all of her sisters, and her cousin—no one else looked surprised.

Her nostrils flared. “What the fuck is going on?”

ARISTA: “Surprise!” She giggled, definitely drunk, she’d echoed after Andrina, clapping her hands together so pleased that the plan had worked out even though she wasn’t immediately involved in it (she was just so terrible with keeping surprises) but it was lovely to have all of her sisters and cousin together again.

Unfortunately, Attina didn’t look as happy. Whoops. She just took another sip out of her cocktail, giggling at the silly question, “Well, Tina, we’re all drinking and having fun because you’re getting married and Andy just came out of a cake and it was very entertaining.” She waved at Andrina, “Hiiii Andy.”

AQUATA: Aquata kind of wished she had pregamed this more. She had tried not to drink too much so that she could be alert if anything went wrong or if Tina tried to make a run for it, but now seeing how excited Arista was, Aquata had some regrets.

But then again, that was just kind of Arista's personality.

"...Wow, cool, good surprise, well done!" Aquata finally said after a silence. "Alright, who wants to do shots?!"

ANDRINA: Right, that didn't go the way Andrina thought it would.

But! Andrina was committed to the bit like always. She hadn't come here to cause a fight, she really hadn't. In fact, she'd asked Alana if her showing up really was a good idea, but her sister had insisted that of course Attina would want her there. And didn't Andrina want to be here too? She did. She might hate being part of the Triton at times, but it was still her family, and she'd never miss the big stuff, even if it meant putting her current wacky hijinks aside.

She wasn't here to fight. She wasn't going to fight. ...Probably.

"What Arista said!" Andrina exclaimed and then reached down, producing another popper. POP! She pulled the string and confetti rained down. "C'mon, Tiny, course I had to come to my big sis's wedding!"

ATTINA: Attina’s eyes narrowed and a hot feeling ballooned in her chest, though she wasn’t sure what it was. Partially because of the alcohol probably.

She just knew—she was mad.

Andrina wasn’t here for her. She was here to make a scene and steal the show, just like always. And was it really “of course” she had to come? Where was the same respect for her family when she had gone off and eloped and not even told anyone?

Abruptly, Attina stood up, ripping the boa off her neck and the crown with the stupid cheap veil off her head. She tossed them both on the ground.

“I’m going to bed,” she announced as she turned on her heel. 

ALANA: Alana and Aquata had not spent the last three months orchestrating this grand reunion to be snubbed like this.

Alana could acknowledge that Attina had the right to be pissed off about this, considering the last time she'd seen Andrina, Andrina had basically slammed her into the kitchen counter. But it also pissed Alana off and she felt her lip curl a little. Because family came first. Family came above stupid fights and runaway marriages and whatever the hell else was going on here.

Before Attina could make it out of the room, Alana launched herself in front of her older sister, blocking her path.

"No," she said. "Not allowed. As your official Master of Ceremonies, I am decreeing that bedtime is not for at least another hour. Back me up, Aquata."

AQUATA: "Lana's right," Aquata agreed, crossing her arms stonily. She had thought it might go like this. Aquata understood holding grudges, she had plenty of them, but family just felt different.

"And you know I don't say that often. Am I still pissed at Andy? Yeah, a little bit, but family's way more important than some fight from a year ago and she wanted to be here and it's not every day you get married. So... yell at each other, get it out of your systems, whatever, you don't even have to forgive anyone, but let's get on with it."

ADELLA: “You’re the one who was always talking about how important it is for our family to stick together.” Adella said, smiling gently. “Yell at each other if you must but pretending Andy doesn’t exist is just going to hurt you longer.”

Adella’s smile grew wider. “We have a great relationship now. Remember just five years ago though?”

ATTINA: Attina narrowed her eyes at her sisters. All of them. There was a part of her that agreed with them. That knew family was more important than anything. She was the one who had instilled that belief in all of her sisters and having the rhetoric spit back at her should make her proud. But, right now, it just made her angry.

"That is easy for all of you to say, you're not the ones she fought with and hasn't spoken to in months." Attina's eyes were on Andrina as she said this, her arms crossed over her chest.

"It wasn't just some little fight," Attina snarled the words and tears were in her eyes. She was too drunk for this. "You left. Didn't even say goodbye. Am I just supposed to be okay with that? With everything you said to me? Why should I? This is my day and I get to decide who should be there. Just like Andy did." And now she looked at he sisters, narrowing her eyes.

"When she decided she didn't want any of us with her at her wedding."

ANDRINA: "Oh come on, that can't be why you're really angry!" exclaimed Andrina.

And hey, she meant that. Attina had loads of reasons to be pissed at Andy. She's take a lot of it. But Andrina was not Attina. She would have never wanted all of this-- not the bachelorette party, not the wedding dresses, not the nice venue and the dinner and the dancing after. The idea made her want to barf if she thought about it with her in the spotlight. Like, go Attina, have your wedding, but Andrina didn't want one! And Attina should know that?? And also, it wasn't like the marriage was something she'd even planned?

"Hold up, if we're doing this I gotta get out of this cake--" Andrina said, huffed, and then struggled to climb out. She sort of half-rolled over the edge and nearly fell on her ass. Saved it though! 

ATTINA: "It's one of the many reasons, yeah," Attina shot right back, not moving to help Andrina. Not even flinching when she almost faceplanted. 

Like usual, she didn't find Andrina's antics cute. Not right now. 

ANDRINA: Andrina put her hands on her hips. Alright, that was good. All she had to do was... well, she was going to say get Attina pissed, but she seemed pissed enough already. Maybe she just had to stand here and Attina would go off.

"Oh yeah? Well let me have it then," said Andrina. "I'm sure you got a list somewhere."

ATTINA: Attina rolled her eyes.

“Why should I even bother? If you don’t already know? Besides, it’s not like you will apologize or even care. So, I don’t want to waste my time.”

ANDRINA: "I'm here, aren't I?" Andrina shot back.

Some of her pride had been pricked by that. As if Andrina didn't know she made mistakes. That was her spot in this family, wasn't it? Andrina was the eternal fuck-up. Uni drop out, seven times running! It was Miss Perfect Attina who didn't know shit about apologizing.

But hey, she'd show her sister how it was done. There were some things she'd never apologize for, but there were others that-- now that time passed-- she saw that she'd been too rash and impulsive and selfish.

"Look, I don't want to fight with you my whole life. You're still my big sister. I don't want to miss-- stuff like this." She flourished her hand around at the room. "You're still important to me."

ATTINA: "You have a funny way of showing it."

Such as not talking to her for, what? Over a year? As if Attina hadn't missed her that whole time. As if she hadn't want Andrina there for all the wedding planning and celebrations. She had missed Ariel's eighteenth birthday. Aquata's run for board. Adella leaving.

"You didn't even call and ask. I haven't talk to you for a year and you think you can just show up and pop out of a damn cake and pretend like nothing's wrong?"

ANDRINA: This felt like a trap. Andrina probably shouldn't feel that way but since when had she ever felt what she should feel? And so yeah, she expected to apologize, but she didn't expect to grovel. Besides--

"And you didn't invite me, but I wasn't going to throw that in your face," Andrina said now, the irritation twitching on her brow. "Look, sure, I could have called or texted or emailed or sent a freaking pigeon but so could you."

ATTINA: “Why would I have invited you?” Attina screeched. Her anger exploding.

“The last time we spoke you insulted me, said you didn’t care about Amelia, and then left without even saying goodbye, and then haven’t said one thing to me, even though you’ve spoken to everyone else in a year? You made it pretty damn clear you wanted nothing to do with me. So, don’t act like it’s water under the currents. It’s not. This whole bloody conversation you haven’t even said sorry! I know you hate me for holding you accountable for things no one else does but I can’t just let it go, Andrina. You hurt me and you’re not even sorry about it.” By the end, her voice has cracked and her eyes had filled with tears.

“It’s just like you to come here and make this about yourself. You didn’t care about us being at your wedding and you don’t care about you being at mine.”

ANDRINA: This was probably not going to go very well. In fact, there was a chance this could turn into the repeat of the kitchen brawl all over again.

Andrina's eyes flashed. Her anger was hot in her chest all over again. "Oh my god, I never fucking said I didn't care about Amelia! I was there for you for weeks-- there for you, holding you, spending time with you, grieving with you-- I did all of that!" Andrina said. "I did one thing that you didn't approve of though and suddenly I didn't care? Suddenly all that other support didn't matter? I said it then and I'll say it again, me getting married had nothing to do with you and Amelia! Nothing! It had nothing to do with anyone and I am not sorry for it. You want me to say I'm sorry? Then look-- I'm sorry I left without making up. I'm sorry I hit you, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive and I'm sorry I haven't talked to you for over a year. Those are the things I'm sorry about, and I am trying to make up for it now, but don't lie about that fight okay? Don't say I didn't care about Amelia just because I did one fucking thing for myself!"

ATTINA: Attina wanted to keep yelling and spitting. Maybe, if she was younger, she would have. Or if it was not her wedding tomorrow, she would have.

But, she had said what she wanted from Andrina was an apology and here it was.

And, she could admit, that it was a good apology too. Maybe Andrina didn't really mean all of it, because she'd had her arm twisted to say it in the first place, but--Attina thought she might. Unlike Andrina, Attina was sensitive to these things. She was sensitive to the fact that maybe she had blown Andrina's comment out of proportion: So what? she had said, about Amelia's death. Attina still remembered the exact way she said it. That question had rattled around Attina's head so many times since.

So what?

Attina's eyes were still filled with tears, but she tried to scrub them away without completely destroying her make up. Though, that was probably futile at this point.

"I never--" she started, though her voice was reedy and weak. "It was never about you doing something for yourself," Attina finally said. "I just--didn't understand--I don't understand why you wouldn't want us there with you. Why you wouldn't...want us to share that with you. And it felt like--you hated me and didn't want to be part of my life either, if you didn't want me to be part of yours."

ANDRINA: She didn't hate Attina.

But she had resented her for a long time. She was so controlling. She had her ideas of what Andrina's life should look like, and she thought those ideas were like, objectively right-- take this whole wedding thing for example. Just because Andrina felt differently about weddings and marriage and whatever, Attina thought that was an insult to her. When it just wasn't.

And that was why Andrina needed to get the fuck out of Swynlake. Not just because of Attina-- but because of her whole family. She had needed to find who she was out of the Tritons and all the shit that happened to them. Yeah, it was selfish, but after twenty-five years as a sister, trying to be a good one, Andrina thought she deserved a freaking break. She was glad that Adella was doing the same thing. She hoped all her sisters were going to find something for them because she did love them, okay? She did.

She took a breath, and then sighed, not really sure how to say some of that stuff without upsetting Tina. "It just isn't the same for me. It never has been, okay? I'm not in love with Rob." Rob knew this; Rob loved her for it, btw. "I didn't get married to him because I loved him. I'm not with him because I love him-- I mean, not like...that. We get each other. It's just different, okay?" Her arms tightened around her, feeling defensive and a bit weird since... well Tina was Tina, Tina loved love, and Andrina felt like it was just one of many missing pieces of her fucked-up personality.

"Me having a wedding and inviting you all would have only been for you guys,  I would have like-- hated it, not because of you but because that isn't me. But there's seven of us. That's plenty of weddings. Isn't it okay that I do something differently?"

ATTINA: No, it isn’t okay!!! That’s what Attina’s brain screamed.

She held her tongue, trying to let the thought settle because a lot of the times, she didn’t. Attina said the first thing in her brain, not because she wasn’t sensitive, but because she was overly so. Like a sea anemone, the second you touched her she flinched. Or puffed up like a puffer fish. It was always one of the other and for whatever reason, Andrina made her into a puffer fish.

Despite what Andrina might think, Attina had done some self reflecting since Andrina had left. She knew that some of the things Andrina had said were fair. Attina was controlling and judgmental. And she was harder on Andrina than anyone else because there were so many times she had needed Andrina as back up, as someone to lean on, and Andrina had failed as much as she rose to the occasion. And just like how it wasn’t fair all the pressure Daddy put on her, it wasn’t fair all the pressure she put on Andrina.

It didn’t stop her from wanting to criticize now. She felt it balloon up inside of her. How could she marry someone she didn’t love? How could she not want them there?

Attina suspected Andrina and her would always fight. They would never agree. Maybe they would never be friends again. If they had met one day in secondary, they would’ve hated each other and that would be it. But, they weren’t strangers. They were sisters. And maybe they didn’t have to like each other, but they could love each other. And be there, for the important things. (Unless, you were Andrina and were only there when you wanted to be, ha. Okay, last one.)

“I guess,” Attina admitted reluctantly. “I’m sorry to, for being so judgmental.” Her own arms were crossed over her chest. She gave a little shrug.

“Well, you don’t have a bridesmaids dress, so you can’t be in the party. But, if you want to come to the ceremony, you can.”

ALANA: Alana let out a sigh of relief and high-fived Aquata behind their backs.

ANDRINA: She wasn't sure if she believed Attina's apology honestly.

Did it matter? Maybe not. Andrina did not intend to stay long. She loved her life on the road-- she loved her life with Rob, actually, and his friends. They had plenty of plans to keep their gears spinning for a while. And as long as they did? Andrina wouldn't have a reason to go back to Swynlake.

But that was where she belonged. Finally, she was happy, finally, she felt accepted, for being exactly who she was. And Attina belonged here-- with her sisters and her husband to be.

"Well actually-- Alana ordered a dress for me," said Andrina. "But I mean--if you don't want me in the ceremony, I get it. Totally fine. I can kick it in the front row."

ATTINA: Attina looked over her shoulder and raised her eyebrow at her little sister. Alana just looked smug, which was annoying.

Attina appreciated it. Really, she did, but she still felt like she was reeling. Caught in a riptide, forced to do something that she didn’t know if she really wanted. Yes, she wanted to make up with Andrina but on their own terms. Not because of some bait and switch secret that the rest of her sisters pulled.

But, it was clear to her that the other sisters wanted Attina and Andrina to talk to each other. And that Andrina—was not exactly trying, but at the very least, was here. That did mean something to Attina, it did.

“No, I want you there,” Attina admitted reluctantly, tilting her head back to blink away tears, because she had wanted that. This whole time. Andrina being gone had certainly hurt Attina much more than it had hurt Andrina. She looked back at her sister and smiled a little.

“Thanks for coming.”

ANDRINA: She waited for another excuse. Attina would have one-- or hey, maybe she'd just come out and say it: she did not want her in the wedding.

Andrina wouldn't care. (Yes she would. She'd definitely care.)

But instead, the rest of the tension felt like it drained from the air. Attina relaxed, or at least-- she gave up.

And so Andrina gave up too. She let the rest of her anger go, that feeling that Attina was never going to see her for who she was. Maybe Attina didn't right now, but Andrina really wanted her to. Before coming here, Andrina had convinced herself it was impossible, but now... now she saw her sister again, not an adversary. They were on the same side.

And so Andrina broke into a smile and she crossed toward her sister. The last time they'd been this close, Andrina had her claws in Attina's hair. Now, she hugged her sister.

"Of course I came. Now c'mon--" she pulled away, but kept her arm slung around Attina's shoulder, "let's get this party started again, okay? Put on the music! Let's go, sisters!"

[prurientpuddlejumper]

A Punchable Face That I Want to Kiss, Ch. 8

<- Chapter 7 | Chapter 9 ->

Summary: Snapshots of life with a fussy brat over the three-year time jump. Including: a few holiday specials. 

3,949 words

With the lease up on your apartment, Frederick invited you to move in with him. It seemed like the next logical step in your relationship, especially considering how frequently you slept there anyway—though he had to justify the choice by saying he “could not stand seeing you live in squalor.” The house was certainly big enough for two people (or several less-wealthy families).

It was nice living with him, because you lived very different lives. Rather than finding it stifling to be trapped in the same house, it was freeing that you could spend so much of the day apart—or weeks, as it often was, traveling for cases or book promotion tours—and yet always be connected by the home you would return to at the end of it all.

You were planets of the solar system orbiting the same sun. 

The stability of that was comforting. So much had changed—Will Graham left and cut ties with the FBI, Hannibal Lecter was imprisoned at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane where Alana Bloom now held Chilton’s old job, and you were considering following Will’s lead and pursuing new career options. It made you glad to have someone familiar to keep you company, and always be there when you needed him. 

For all the good, living with Frederick Chilton was not always easy. He was a shameless snob who did not believe in laundry chairs, and panicked when his state-of-the-art kitchen was filled with sugary cereals with cartoon characters on the box. There were many clashes of egos early on, some of which never fully disappeared. Now that his star was rising, he insisted you dress a certain way when you were to be seen in public together—particularly at any sort of publicity event or psychiatric conference, but anywhere really that he might be recognized. He was yours, and that meant you reflected upon him. He updated your entire wardrobe like you were starring in an episode of Queer Eye, and had your hair professionally styled.

You couldn’t even be annoyed at the controlling implications of it—you were never great at dressing professionally, and it was exciting to see yourself looking so sharp in the mirror. You could surrender that to him. He enjoyed sophisticated things, like the opera and restaurants where celebrities eat, and now you didn’t feel so out of place when you joined him.

“You actually look quite elegant,” he nodded in surprised approval at your new attire.

You stuck out your tongue.

“Do not tempt me with that,” he said with a feline wiggle of his shoulders. “We have engagements to get to, and I do not want to re-do my face.” He wrapped the hand not gripping a cane around your hip and kissed you, coaxing your naughty tongue into his mouth with a lustful growl.

Any time he was too fussy and judgmental to the point of being unkind, you were quite practiced at flicking him back down to earth. He rarely apologized, of course, but would look up and purse his lips in thought before admitting, “You may be right.”

He was a sassy bitch, but you knew that. It’s why you loved him.

You loved him.

You did. It was strange to realize how much you loved someone you used to hate, whose traits you would normally find incompatible with your own. He was a miserable little rich boy with a self-satisfied sneer, a flare for drama, and perpetually questionable ethics, yet you would do anything to keep him safe. You wanted to stay by his side forever.

And there was something to be said about his difficult personality when you were not on the receiving end of it. 

Being on his side was fun—his hand at your back as he verbally destroyed someone with a catty insinuation that left their eyes glowering with indignation. That used to be me, you thought. Now you were up on his throne with him, and the view was much better.

You wanted to stay through all the medications, physical therapy, and regular hospital visits to tweak his prosthetics and make sure his remaining organs were all still functioning properly. You wanted to stay even as you questioned how much of your affection for him was pity in disguise, as he had suggested the first time you slept with him in a fit of explosive passion—that you liked wounded birds.

If it was pity, and being pity meant you would have to leave, then you resolved to stuff your fingers in your ears and ignore it. No psychoanalysis would make you give him up. You wanted to keep orbiting the sun together.

  *****

Calliope music paraded through the air with aggressively cheerful pneumatic whistles that grabbed your eardrums and pulled them screaming into the 1920s. Shrieks, laughter, bells, and shouts rushed by.

Frederick Chilton stuck close beside you and mistrustfully held a greasy paper plate like it was a venomous snake.

It seemed only fair that in return for dressing up, you made him dress down and do normal-person things, like go to the county fair and eat deliciously greasy fried foods. It was like a cultural exchange program.

“Every moment I am not writing my next book is another moment the world goes without a groundbreaking revelation on the human psyche,” he had snipped when you first suggested the outing. He barely looked up from his computer, where he sat typing in a suave leather office chair.

“Oh come on, you owe me,” you persisted. “I am sick and tired of fancy museums and fancy restaurants and fancy psychiatric conventions. Next time we’re in a hotel, there should be Star Trek costumes involved!” He straightened like you’d shoved a rod up his spine, and you chuckled inwardly at his petty aversion to being seen at that type of convention. “Come on, it’s just the fair,” you rubbed his shoulders and he groaned with annoyance. “Nobody important will be there. You’ll be totally incognito. Be a commoner with me.”

“I suppose it is the least I can do,” he caved in at last, leaning his head back to rest on your chest, glancing up at you through his eyebrows. “Since it is so important to you, I shall partake of your proletariat festivities.”

“Don’t say proletariat when we’re at the fair, you bougie dork.”

He wore a plain black t-shirt, and his hair wasn’t quite as primly styled as usual, letting a few strands fly free. The less he stood out from the crowd, the less likely a professional acquaintance or fan would recognize him.

Even living with Chilton, it was rare to see him dressed so casually, and you had expected it to be disconcerting. Instead, you found yourself drooling. He was sexy in a suit, but so was everybody with the correct fit. The unstructured t-shirt hugged his broad chest and revealed those alarmingly muscular arms that were usually a secret hidden under sleeves.

It was odd seeing your private Chilton—reserved for nights and mornings—out in the world, and a reminder of how lucky you were.

He managed to look dapper even with powdered sugar on his shirt.

“Funnel cake?” he cringed, as if the word itself was in poor taste. “Are we certain this is food?”

“You are ridiculously hoity-toity.”

“I do enjoy the finer things in life,” he boasted in a smooth, self-congratulatory hum.

You were about to sass him when you realized his admiring eyes were fixed on you, and he wore an expectant smirk on his lips. Your scowl cracked open into a tender laugh, and you linked your arm with his, giving him a playful hip bump.

His eyes widened at you in mock horror. “You would attack a man with a cane?” He awaited your answer with that same peevish smirk, but you didn’t have anything clever on your tongue, so you pulled him into a kiss instead. He melted against your lips, having gotten what he wanted.

Frederick refused to go on any rides, citing safety concerns and his delicate viscera, but you perused a hundred breeds of chickens, pet the World’s Tallest Clydesdale, watched pigs racing, browsed local artwork, and sampled craft beers which he had to admit were pretty good. You paid far too much money to shoot water guns at a spinning target faster than other carnival-goers so you could win an oversize plush of a corgi, which turned out to be filled with disappointing foam stuffing.

After finally placing a piece of sugary fried dough in his mouth, his eyes closed, and when they opened again, he declared it “not terrible.” Then inhaled it and spent the rest of the fair surreptitiously looking for another funnel cake stand.

When you got home, he confessed, with his most stern and dignified demeanor, that he may have, perhaps had fun, juvenile as it was. Then he quietly suggested that he would make an excellent Spock.

  *****

“I am never going to be perfect enough for you, am I?” you cried after another petty argument over another petty thing like stacking the cups in the cupboard in precisely the correct order. “How do you live with me? It must drive you crazy.”

Months of feeling inadequate bubbled to the surface all at once. Everything he did was so controlled, so exact, you really did wonder why he would ever be with someone like you.

“No,” he frowned, and as he gently took your shoulders his heart was crumbling in his eyes. There was a sorry on the tip of his tongue, but this was not the lottery-winning occasion he would say the word itself. He didn’t need to. He would say it in other ways.

His warm lips pressed your forehead as he rubbed loving circles on your arms with his thumbs. “Do you know who was perfect? Hannibal. I would rather live with a hot mess than a cold-blooded monster. One of us should be warm, anyway,” he gave a self-deprecating smile. “I must do better to remember the beauty of imperfection, because you are perfect to me.”

  *****

The front door opened well after the sun had disappeared and the stars had begun to come out. Frederick came home drained and exhausted from being on his feet all day trying to dominate professional rivals who were all, in turn, out to get him.

Conferences were invigorating, an exciting place to strut one’s superiority, make connections, and scope out the competition… until they were not, and they became whichever circle of Hell it is that makes one have to continually defend oneself to people for whom one will never be good enough.

You looked up from the book you were reading. You didn’t get up from the couch cushion’s gravitational embrace, but smiled with stars in your eyes, and called, “Frederick!”

Home.

He crawled onto the couch next to you, and laid his head in your lap. You set the book aside and ran your fingers through his hair, listening to the sweet, sleepy noises of pleasure the action evoked. Fantasies of this moment had kept him alive all day. You caressed his neck and the prickly stubble along the side of his jaw, and he turned his face into your palm and kissed it. He adored the way you touched him with your gentle, caring hands. Yawning, you reclined into the deep, plush cushions, and he shifted so you were both laying next to each other, content in each other’s embrace. He cuddled into your chest, face buried in your shirt.

“You smell like tacos.”

It was unclear how peevishly he intended the observation, so you simply replied, “I made tacos for dinner.”

“The cheap American kind that are nothing but ground beef, shredded cheese, and an insult to Mexican culture,” he said, voice muffled by the fabric.

“Mm-hmm,” you said.

“They are not real food.”

“Do you want some?”

“God, yes.”

  *****

With physical therapy, Chilton was finally able to walk comfortably without assistance again.

Technically, he had been able to for a long time. The cane was a crutch—in the figurative, not the literal, sense. In the literal sense it was very much not a crutch, or even a cane. At best, it was an expensive, silver-topped walking stick. He clung to it like a security blanket, or as a prop to garner pity, or simply because it was a dramatic accessory. The threat of physical therapy simply convinced him to let go of the pretense.

Like the spiral staircases of his home, some things about Dr. Chilton were fussy and theatrical for no reason.

It was almost a shame, you thought. That thing was the epitome of his dapper style (he might as well put on tap shoes, a top hat, and put on the Ritz with Fred Astaire), and it brought to mind such kinky images.

It was not one of those lightweight BDSM canes, and therefore was far too heavy to do any spanking with, assuming you wanted to be able to sit down any time in the next month. However, you recalled with some excitement his tapping it on the inside of your heels to get you to spread your legs open, using the pommel to gently tip your chin up to him, or running it slowly along the inside of your thighs.

You would miss that cane.

You still argued sometimes—but not as often. You were accustomed to his haughtiness and felt less need to try and change it, and he knew you well enough to relax when the two of you were alone. He took your advice that life was not a competition... but only when it came to you, not to his career and public reputation.

He was still obsessed with proving his superiority to the world. Still obsessed with seeing Hannibal Lecter grow old and feeble inside a cell. Those edges were so integrally a part of him you could never smooth them out.

  *****

You were good for his book tour.

Though he never raised his voice or threw insults around, Chilton still had the journalist sitting in your living room on edge. She gripped the recording device harder, nails turning white. Flanked by imposing towers of leather-bound books, he stared her down like a shark, bragging about his psychiatric achievements and describing grizzly details of the Lecter case with a heartless detachment—he smirked when the more graphic parts made her squeamish.

Dr. Chilton was (contrary to his own opinion) not the best mind in the psychiatric field, but there was one thing he was the preeminent expert in, and that was leaving people with the impression that he was a callous douchebag who thought he was better than everyone else. Which was more or less accurate.

When you entered the room, his whole demeanor softened.

“Hey honey,” you poked your head in with a plate of cookies. “Sorry, I didn’t know you had that interview today. Should I come back later?”

“Nonsense, darling, come in.”

The haughty stare he’d been giving the journalist broke and turned to a warm gaze and a kind smile as he crossed the room to escort you in, his hand on the small of your back. You sat down on the sofa next to him, and set the plate of good-will-bribery cookies down on the coffee table between you and the journalist. She politely refused, at least until the recording was over, but instantly seemed more relaxed, loosing her death-vice on the recorder. You quietly leaned your head on Frederick’s shoulder and discreetly clasped his hand on the cushion between you through the rest of the interview, which he spent blushing and unable to maintain the coldness of his stare.

You brought out a side of him few were able to see. Whenever you made an appearance during his book promotions, the article published was always just a bit more favorable.

  *****

“Gotta go!” you called across the house, slinging a pack over your shoulders. Dawn was barely cresting the purple sky, and Frederick was barely awake. He didn’t even have his prosthetic maxilla in yet; he was only up to say goodbye. “I’m going to be in the field for ten hours straight today!” You thought about that for a moment, and groaned with anticipated exhaustion. 

“You have water?” 

“Yes, mom.”

“You cannot blame me for worrying,” he smiled with some pride at his gallant adventurer. You were wild in ways he would never understand, and it terrified as much as thrilled him. He smoothed a few wrinkles out of your shirt—a rugged garment for outdoor wear—and said you looked presentable enough for what you were doing. You kissed him, and wished him luck with the book signing he was attending that day. 

He wandered into the kitchen to search for breakfast, when an idea occurred to him.

“Take some of my meal-replacement bars,” he offered, opening the pantry. He had the organic superfood detox variety that he was able to digest. 

“I already did, thanks!”

He sighed with annoyance. “I noticed. It looks like an animal went through the packaging.”

“You love me,” you grinned cheekily in the doorway.

He prowled up to you, eyes narrow, trapping you against the door. He growled. He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in the crook of your neck, kissing you and sucking a small bruise just under your collar. Yeah, he loved you. You purred, arching your back so you were pressed more firmly against him, and breathed in his scent. If only you didn’t have to leave.

“Come home safe.”

  *****

Halloween was your favorite holiday. Perhaps it was gauche for one involved in investigating real murders, and real dead people, but then, that might have been what made it so appealing—on Halloween, all the blood was corn syrup, the skeletons danced to 80’s rock, and the serial killers wore their identities on their sleeves and carried plastic weapons. It had been your favorite holiday as a kid, and it still was.

“No.”

“Please?” you begged, drawing out the E. “It would be so awesome!”

“No.”

“But—”

“I am a bestselling author. An esteemed expert in my field. I will not be subjected to such an undignified, childish display.”

“But you would have the best costume and nobody would know!”

He wasn’t sure how you talked him into it. It must have those adorable pleading eyes he could never resist, or the enticing appeal to his ego that it would be an extraordinary costume, certain to leave everyone guessing how the effect was done. Somehow, he was walking into a Halloween party as a zombie. Without his contact lens or prosthetic jaw.

He frowned. It was humiliating.

You were dressed as an apocalypse survivor with an infected bite, and were hamming it up, telling the other guests you were fine, totally fine, with a shaky panic-edged voice and a tremor in your limbs. You had done an impressive job on the makeup, too, giving your complexion a sallow haze and reddened eyes. The bite itself was a gory masterpiece constructed from latex and tissue paper, with dark veins spider-webbing up your arm.

He didn’t have to ham it up. He only needed to walk in the room and Shrek and Fiona, Pennywise the clown, and a sexy velociraptor all gasped in horror at his face. How was that meant to make him feel?

“So cool!” someone said before he could turn on his heel and walk out of there. Words like, “There isn’t a contest, is there? I should have put in more effort,” and “did you hire a movie SFX artist? No fair,” started to get tossed around—including toward costume elements that you had designed and had nothing to do with his natural grotesqueness. Then they offered him a drink and moved on to the next impressive costumes and regular party chatter.

You were right. Nobody knew it was real, and while it stung to be stared at and called grisly—you would later apologize profusely for being too gung-ho and not thinking through what would happen—he had never imaged being able to have a normal conversation in public with his real face exposed. There was something daringly vulnerable about it. He had never imagined not being ashamed, but at least in this niche context, his old injury made him the leading man of the evening.

By the end of the night he got so into it, he was chasing you around snarling for your brains, and getting a kick out of scaring trick-or-treaters.

  *****

He took you to Paris for Valentine’s day. Last time it was Italy, and you strangely suspected he was touring the shadow of Hannibal Lecter as much as he was trying to impress you. You had suspected, that is, until you asked, and he rather bluntly admitted to it. He hadn’t expected you not to notice by the time you got to Florence, although Venice had been purely about romance (he loved all those touristy gondola rides that he swore he hated and were just for your benefit).

Now that he finally had the chance to lavish his considerable means upon someone, he was throwing himself heart and soul into the holiday, and would not stop until he had spoiled you senseless. When he was single and accustomed to spending the day alone, he used to loathe February 14th—Valentine’s had seemed a cruel joke directed specifically at him. He couldn’t even spitefully ignore it by staying late at work, because the more perceptive inmates always took notice.

“You do not know hell,” he told you, “until a man convicted of raping his mother’s severed head taunts you about your lack of sex life.”

This year, he treated you to everything Paris had to offer: the Louvre, Notre Dame, an opera at Palais Garnier, a morning stroll through the gardens of Versailles, delicious bakeries, cafes, chocolate, and macrons. You insisted upon seeing the Catacombs, of course.

When you went to the Eiffel Tower and he showed up with roses and dinner reservations for sunset in its refined first-floor restaurant, your gut clenched. You were terrified he was going to propose. Of course he would make a grand gesture! You carefully inspected every champagne glass for hidden engagement rings, but found only bubbles. After dinner, when you ascended to the top of the tower to watch Paris light up at night, you knew that was when the proposal was coming.

But it didn’t. And you found yourself disappointed.

You had never talked about it, so there was no reason to assume it was something he wanted. It seemed far too soon to you, too, until it was snatched away and you realized that after three years together, you still couldn’t imagine wanting a life without him in it.

Arriving home at last, you breathed a sigh of relief into the still air. Paris was exciting and rich with history, but you were glad to be home in the peaceful familiarity of that snobbishly oversized house with its ridiculously spiraling staircases and its somewhat-less-fastidiously-pristine rooms, which now accommodated both of your things. All of the picture frames that once held impersonal stock photos displayed real snapshots of your lives together.

You weren’t even going to shower. You were so tired, you just wanted to rip all your clothes off and drop into bed. Frederick pulled his tie off. Hair frumpy from the long plane and taxi rides, his fingers worked to undo the top buttons of his shirt as he lumbered to the bath. He stopped at the door and turned back. You were taking a sip of water before leaving the cup on your nightstand.

“Marry me?” he said.

[larryssunflower]

The Non-Royal Romance, season two, part two

last part of season one     teaser trailer      season two, part one      masterlist

tagging- @ravenpuff02 @simplyaiden-blog @msjr0119 @butindeed @mfackenthal @choices-lurker @american-duchess @drakelover78 @monosodiumglutamateme @crookedslimecreatorpasta @mrsdrakewalkerblog @traeumerinwitzhelden @gardeningourmet​ @speedyoperarascalparty​ @agent-zephyrkah​ @liam-rhys-x-mc-x-constantine​ @snyggflicka​ @texaskitten30​ @annekebbphotography​ @irishwhiskys-blog​ @nomadics-stuff​ @catlady0911​ @twinkle-320​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ @drakewalker04​ @bigmemesplz​ @jovialyouthmusic​ @sleepwalkingelite​ @pintobom​ @moneyfordiamonds​ @mskaneko​ @lauzales​ @princessleac1​ @kingliam2019​ @queen-arabella-of-cordonia​ @drake-colt-lover-99​

- Thank you all for your support and I really do apologize for taking so long with this! You would think having all the time in the world because of Quarantine would make me write more… guess not lol. But in all seriousness, I have been going through serious writer’s block right now but I hope you guys like this part! I made it a little longer than usual for you guys ;) I can’t wait to continue this story further! love you all <3 -

warning- there may or may not be some smut at the end hehe ;)

Blinking away sleep from my eyes, I sit up, stopping when I see Drake, sitting in a chair beside me, watching me with a soft look in his eyes. I blush slightly, feeling insecure having just woke up, knowing I look like a hot mess. “Ah, good morning Princess,” Drake murmurs amusedly as I stretch my arms above my head before looking at him with a tired smile. “You know I’m Queen now, right?” I retort, my voice slightly hoarse, making him smirk. “Touché,” He comments with a slight nod. I chuckle and start to remember last night, how I asked him to stay when something hits me. “How long have you been awake?” I ask, curiosity getting the better of me. He couldn’t have stayed awake the whole night, right?

He seems surprised at the question and takes a moment to think. “About 36 hours, why?” He asks nonchalantly, turning his head to the side. I choke. “36 hours? How are you alive??” I demand incredulously, my eyes wide, half in shock, half impressed. Drake chuckles, looking down. “For a time when I serving the navy, I was trained to stay awake for 72 hours,” He explains, and I’m taken aback yet again. “How?” I ask, making him smile slightly, looking down. “It’s a sniper’s tactic traditionally, which helped them stay awake while watching or following a target for a long period of time,” He says, somewhat tentatively, “It works by creating a fantasy or imagining a scenario which includes the target, to keep them attentive and focused at the task at hand.” Drake concludes. I nod along, thinking for a moment.

I glance up at him, my stomach suddenly fluttering. “So you created a scenario about… me?” I ask softly, and his cheeks redden slightly. “Y-yeah,” He admits. A grin spreads over my face. “Drake…” I start slowly, “what’s the fantasy?” I ask, my eyes flicking up to meet his. He brings his hand to scratch behind his neck, and his eyes shifting to the side. “Well-“ Drake’s cut off by aggressive pounding on my door, making me flinch, my heart stopping.

Drake is instantly on his feet. My eyes widen as I recognize the voice shouting through the door. “Hey! Alana!! I know you’re in there! Open up!”. I laugh in shock, making Drake look at me, surprised. I clamber off my bed, rushing over to the door. “Alana you can’t just-“ Drake starts, coming after me, but I fling the door open to reveal someone who has been at university for the past four years, my sister. “Kai!” I exclaim, throwing my arms around her, making her giggle, hugging me back. “Alana! god, it’s been too long!” She gushes, squeezing me tightly. I pull away to take a good look at her. I feel emotional as she smiles at me, looking so grown up. “Wow, Kai, you look older than me! How is that possible?” I laugh, making her shrug playfully.

“It’s all the studying! I swear I’ve aged about thirty years just to get a damn Bachelor’s,” Kai chuckles, her eyes drifting over my shoulder. “Oh! Kai, this is my bodyguard, Drake,” I say, turning so she can see him. She nods at him, and he does the same back.

I grab Kai’s hand, dragging her inside. “Come in! We need to catch up.” I demand, marching her to my couch in the corner of the room. Drake walks to the door, motioning that he will be out in the hallway, and I nod with a smile.

“Gah! I’m so excited for you! I used to dream about this time when we were younger, thinking about you being Queen and engaged! It’s so exciting!” She exclaims, her face bright. I force the best smile I can. If only she knew how complicated all of this is. “Well it’s not all perfect,” I start, but she cuts me off. “Well of course. You still have that Assassination situation, and I’m sure the wedding planning is going to be crazy, but no matter what you need, I’ll be right here.” She implores, holding my hand.

A huge wave of gratitude washes over me and I smile with a sigh of relief. “Thank you Kai, I really appreciate it. It also helps that you are way more educated than I am,” I say with a chuckle, and she just grins. “I’ve always been the smarter one, I think you should learn to accept that,” She retorts cheekily, making me roll my eyes. “Whatever,” I chuckle.

The door opens after a gentle knock, Drake sticking his head in. “Hey, Maxwell’s here-“ and before he can finish his sentence, Max barges in, squealing with excitement when he sees Kai. Drake just rolls his eyes in annoyance, making me grin. I know he secretly loves it, although he will never admit that. “Little K!” Maxwell exclaims, running over. Kai gets up excitedly, wrapping him in a hug.

We all catch up for a moment before Maxwell turns to me. “Oh yeah! We have that barn-raising today, so you guys should probably get dressed.” Maxwell says, and I groan at my forgetfulness. “Oh, I came just in time then!” Kai says excitedly.

“Let’s go catch up somewhere else and let my dear sister change in peace,” Kai says, grabbing Max’s arm, and guiding him out. I wave after them with a chuckle as Max starts to fill her in on the past four years.

—-

Our car finally arrives at the small patch of farm where the building of the barn has already started. A crowd of nobles are helping construction workers lay down the foundation, clearly sweating on the warm summer day. The paparazzi are snapping photos here and there, while others wait in the shade for new nobles to arrive, ready to assault them with questions for their magazines and gossip columns.

Drake turns around in his seat, facing Kai and I. “Are you two ready?” He asks, and I nod. “Yeah, I guess so,” Kai mumbles, seeming nervous. It’s her first time being introduced to the press. Like me, she was hidden her whole childhood from Cordonia. It actually ended up helping her when she went to university in France, because no one knew who she was. Her intellectual success depended on her work, not her title. I’m not surprised she is nervous, not too long ago it was my first time being in front of the press at the derby. God, that feels like a century ago.

Drake opens my door, holding his hand out. For a moment I’m back to that day, and Drake is still here, holding his hand for me. If only things had changed. In the beginning, I had dreaded the inevitability having to be engaged and married to someone I didn’t love, but after meeting Drake and slowly falling in love with him, the thought of being with someone else became painful to even consider. If only I was on the engagement tour with him as my fiancé, not as my bodyguard. I take his hand and step down, making eye contact with his beautiful deep eyes for a moment, before I look away, feeling loss as soon as my eyes leave his. He helps Kai down, and the three of us start down the dirt path to the barn, the hot summer wind already wrapping itself around me like a thick blanket. The paparazzi spot us, and the vultures descend. In seconds they are crowded around us, shouting and snapping pictures, blinding us with their flash.

“Who is this woman with you?” “Alana! How are things with Liam?” “Have you found the Assassins yet?” “Who are you wearing?”

“Okay folks, back up!” Drake shouts, him and Kai’s bodyguard creating a barrier between us and pushing them away. “Come on! Just one comment!” One reporter begs, and Drake looks over at me. I nod reluctantly in approval. “The Queen will give a statement, so shut up and let her speak,” Drake says in a commanding voice and within seconds the paparazzi quiet down, eagerly holding out tape recorders towards us and positioning their cameras. I clear my throat nervously. “Thank you all for uh, coming out today, I appreciate it. This is my younger sister, Princess Kai, she just graduated from University and will be accompanying me during the engagement tour,” I begin, my palms already starting to sweat. I am hopeless at public speaking. “We, unfortunately, haven’t found anything on the assassination yet, but we are working tirelessly to find out who orchestrated that horrible event. And Liam and I are doing well. Thank you,” I finish the statement to my incredible relief, already cringing at my choppy, awkward speech. The paparazzi only respond with more questions and I’m about to leave when Kai stops me, her hand in my arm. “wait,” she whispers to me before turning to the paparazzi.

“Hello, I wanted to make sure to personally introduce myself to you all. As my amazing sister said, I just graduated from University and I am so pleased to finally be home in Cordonia. It breaks my heart to be home at such a scary time, where the people and nobles alike are scared for their lives. But I assure you, as my sister said, we will work tirelessly until we find who is responsible. In the meantime, all we can do is help unite Cordonia, and remind people of love, kindness, and hope in this troubling time. Because that is what Liam and Alana’s union stands for, the perseverance of our incredible country and the unity of our nation. Now, if you lovely people don’t mind, we have a barn to build.” Kai finishes effortlessly with a firm nod, before looping her arm through mine and leading me toward the barn.

I stumble after her in shock. I open and close my mouth wordlessly. “Wow. You are incredible at speaking- words-” I stutter, further proving my point of being helpless at speaking, making her laugh. “Yeah well I learned a lot about diplomacy and public speaking at school, but to be honest its a second nature at this point,” She says simply. We are quiet for a moment, the only sound being the crunch of our shoes on the dirt.

After a moment, I break the comfortable silence. “You reminded me of dad,” I say suddenly, making her stop, her eyes soft. “Really?” She asks, a hopeful smile on her face. I nod. “He was always incredible at speaking, you know that,, I always admired him for it,” I mumble, a sadness falling over me. He died when I was eight, Kai was only five, but she still misses him just as much. I was always a daddy’s girl which made life after his death so much harder with my distant mother who only got worse as the years went by.

“Hey, just because you aren’t the best at public speaking doesn’t mean you won’t be a great leader,” Kai reassures me, but I just snort. “Let’s hope so,” I say, making her laugh.

“Ah, You must be the famous little sister!” A voice says, and we look over to see Liam and Leo walking up to us. Kai nods with a polite laugh. “That’s me! You must be the fiancé!” She enthuses, and he nods with a grin. He kisses her hand respectfully, before turning to me. “Hey babe,” He says sweetly, planting a kiss on my cheek. “Hey,” I mumble, and instinctively my eyes immediately snap up to look at Drake, who is watching Liam closely, his eyes narrowed. I try to hide my smile as I look away and notice Leo approaching Kai.

“Hello gorgeous,” Leo says with a bow, kissing Kai’s outstretched knuckles. She squints her eyes at him for a moment, clearly looking him over with distaste. “I believe the term you were looking for is ‘Your Highness’,” Kai responds flatly, only making a smirk spread across Leo’s face. He nods. “Of course, Your Highness,” He says slyly, amusement in his eyes. Kai just rolls her eyes before turning to me.

“Ready to raise a barn?” She asks. I chuckle and nod. All four of us, the bodyguards following, head over to the construction site and start hammering, lifting support beams, and painting wood strips.

—

Kai and I paint the newly applied wooden slats of the barn side by side. We chat as we do so, filling each other in on all the gossip of the past four years. “Max finally asked Allie out? I’m so happy for them!” Kai gushes, and I smile at the bittersweetness of the situation. It’s great to have Kai back again, but it’s sad because we have missed out on so much of each other’s lives.

“So, I saw what happened between you and Leo,” I whisper tentatively, glancing over my shoulder to look at Leo, who was helping Liam hammer the support beams. Kai groans with a roll of her eyes. “Ugh, do not get me started. I know all about his ‘bachelor lifestyle’ and how he treats women like disposable tissues. All the women at uni knew about him, and when I told them where I was from, all they could do was gush about him constantly. I don’t get it. He flirts with anything that has two breasts and a vagina,” She scoffs, shaking her head, painting with a new sense of anger. I snicker at my usually composed sister. “So you don’t like him then?” I ask cheekily, making her look over at me with a dead-pan expression. “No.” She says flatly, making me snicker more. At least we can agree on that.

A hand comes up suddenly, touching my shoulder gently. I jump, turning to see Liam. “Hey babe, I think it would be a good idea to be doing some things together, you know, for publicity?” He says, glancing over at the paparazzi hanging around, snapping pictures here and there but looking quite restless. “Oh, that’s a good idea! Yeah, you guys should do that!” Kai nods, and I reluctantly smile. “Yeah, let’s do it then,” I say with fake enthusiasm, before following him.

Liam and I start to do little things together like painting window panes, securing them to the walls, helping hoist materials to the roof, all the while, getting top-notch ‘candid’ pictures for the paps. Eventually, a good amount of the press leaves, clearly getting all the photos needed. “Well, that was fun,” Liam comments, and I nod. We stand in an awkward silence before I speak. “Yeah, I should probably get back to Kai, we have a lot to catch up on,” I say quickly, and Liam nods. I turn around, heading over to Kai before I look up and stop in my tracks.

My jaw drops as I spot Drake, shirtless, pulling on a rope to help maneuver a pretty big beam. My mouth feels dry as I observe the way the sun shines over him through the unfinished roof. Blinking dumbly, I watch his muscles shift in the midday sun, seemingly in slow motion, a sheen of sweat gleaming on his lean figure. “Damn. That’s your bodyguard?” Kai says beside me, snapping me out of my daze. I clear my throat, forcing myself to tear my eyes from his fit form. “Uh- yeah. He’s great.” I mumble, suddenly feeling really hot. “Hey, do you reckon you guys got some good shots with Liam?” Kai asks, and I nod. “Yeah- um, they should turn out great,” I say absentmindedly, grabbing a spare paintbrush and joining Kai at the wooden panels.“Are you alright?” Kai asks, looking at me with concern. I chuckle. “Yes! I’m just a bit hot after all this work! It doesn’t help that it feels like 900 degrees outside,” I laugh, making Kai nod in agreement.

“I have a solution for that problem m’ lady’s,” Maxwell says from behind us, slinging both of his arms over our shoulders. “And that is?” Kai asks with amusement, glancing over at Max’s enthusiastic face. “Well, there is a certain spa not so far from here. If you ask me, it’s the perfect thing after all this hard labor,” Max says with a pair of pleading puppy dog eyes. I snort. “Okay Max, we can go,” I smile, making Max let out a cheer, before going to inform Liam and Leo. “I missed you guys,” Kai says with a sweet smile. “Trust me K, we missed you too,” I grin, my heart happy. It’s nice to have family together like this again.

I sneak a peek back over my shoulder at Drake to see him shaking hands with one of the other construction workers, buttoning his shirt, his suit jacket resting on his shoulders.

In another world, I would be standing in front of him, finishing his buttons for him, straightening out his jacket, and planting a kiss on his lips to finish it off. Like an actual couple. I sigh, before going back to painting the barn.

—

After a quick celebration for the now completed barn, Liam, Leo, Maxwell, Kai, and I head over to the spa, the sun starting to set and the world beginning to cool down, satisfied with the work we put in all afternoon. “Its actually way more satisfying than I thought, seeing our hard work being translated to an actual finished building!” Max enthuses. “And what ‘hard work’ did you do exactly? It almost seemed like every time I saw you, I think you were taking a ‘break’” Liam grins with feigned confusion. Maxwell mocks offense with a dramatic scoff and a delicate hand on his chest. “Dear Liam, never have I been so offended! You just happened to see me between my bursts of intense labor,” Max dismisses, making the rest of us laugh.

“I’m pretty sure the person who did the hardest labor was Mr. Walker,” Kai starts, turning to a now surprised Drake, who was following us with the other bodyguard. “You were helping pull a huge beam, most people would need two others to help with something that size,” Kai says, impressed. The rest of us turn to look at Drake for his answer. Clearly uncomfortable with all the eyes on him, he clears his throat. “Oh, well I know a couple of the construction workers and they needed an extra pair of um- hands, so I helped out,” He says, averting eye contact. I smile at his stubborn humbleness. It’s adorable.

“Well good job man, good to know the man working to protect my fiancé is a hard worker,” Liam says, clapping his shoulder. Drake just nods, his jaw clenching. As we continue our walk, I wonder if Liam is purposefully condescending towards Drake. It really seems like it.

Kai decides to join Max in his car to the spa, and Leo quickly follows. They encourage Liam and me to get some ’alone time’ by driving separately. Liam, Drake, and I reach my car, both men reaching to open the door for me at the same time, making them stop. They look at each other for a moment. “No need to worry about that Drake, I can open the door for my fiancé,” Liam says, an edge to his voice. Drake glances over at me. I just nod, so Drake backs away. “Of course,” Drake says unenthusiastically, allowing Liam to open my door. I get in, and Liam follows, closing the door. Drake gets in the front with the driver, and we follow Maxwell’s car to the spa.

Liam’s hand feels foreign as it rests on my knee protectively. “You look beautiful today Alana,” Liam says in my ear. I smile. “Thank you, you look handsome, as usual,” I respond. His hand drifts from my knee to find my left hand, his thumb running over the surface of my decadent ring. I watch as he does so, the familiar feeling of guilt creeping up my throat. “I can’t wait to marry you,” Liam mumbles softly. I glance over at him. He looks up at me with a smile. “M-me too,” I stutter, the guilt overpowering my heart manifesting into sadness. I hate doing this to him. Being engaged, making him think I love him when I fear that I never will. My eyes flick up to the rearview mirror to see Drake watching us. I quickly look away to the scenery outside the window, forcing myself to not let the tear that’s threatening to fall show how broken my heart is.

In about ten minutes of silence, we arrive at the spa to my relief. Liam quickly opens our car door, getting out first, before Drake can even go to open it. Liam seems proud of himself as he holds the door open to me, his hand held out like Drake’s usually is. Drake stands behind Liam, looking frustrated. I take Liam’s hand getting out of the car before brushing softly past Drake and meeting up with the rest of the group inside.

—

We unwind in a private room, equipped with a hot tub, a cold plunge, and lounge chairs. Some of us go off at different times to get massages and facials, before coming back so we can all enjoy the room together. At some point, Maxwell shows off his baby hippo tattoo that I encouraged him to get one night when we were pretty drunk. Kai nearly falls off the lounge chair with laughter. I even catch Drake shaking his head slightly, a grin pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“Good idea on coming here buddy,” Liam comments, making Max smile with cocky satisfaction. He leans back, folding his hands behind his head cooly and stretching out fully on the lounge chair. “Don’t worry about it, I just require that you continue to talk about how awesome and incredible this idea was for the rest of our lives, and how much you admire me,” Max shrugs confidently, making us roll our eyes.

“Yeah, you get to be thrown into the plunge for that,” Leo concludes, making Liam nod in agreement.

“W-wait what?” Max asks, sitting up, his eyes wide. Leo and Liam suddenly grab him, making him squeal as they head over to the cold plunge. They throw him into the freezing water after a dramatic count to three, his high pitched scream cutting out as he is submerged underwater. Kai and I laugh as Leo and Liam nod, looking pleased with themselves until Max grabs their ankles, dragging them into the water, their expressions changing pretty quickly. Kai and I laugh even harder, clutching at our stomachs as the men surface, their hair stuck to the forehead with sour expressions on their faces.

“That’s what you guys get for being jerks!” Kai shouts playfully. “Oh sorry, would you like to join us?” Leo asks, turning his head to the side. “I think she does,” Maxwell confirms, as they get out, heading over to us. Kai gasps, getting up quickly. “No! I hate the cold!” She exclaims with a grin, backing up. The boys suddenly start after her, making her shriek with laughter as she gets chased around the room. I grin, watching them. After they successfully get her in the plunge, Leo and Maxwell turn to me. “Unless you want to have the wrath of the Queen against you, I would suggest you back away,” I warn, making them glance at each other, before deciding its not worth it and backing away, starting a splashing war against Kai.

Liam gets out, heading over and sitting next to me. “How are you feeling?” I ask cheekily as he wraps himself in his towel. “Cold.” He says with a laugh, making me chuckle. “I can see that,” I say with amusement. “Hey, want to join me in the sauna? The hot steam sounds very appealing right now,” Liam chuckles. “Yeah, sure,” I say, getting up. We head down a hallway, the sauna just behind a marked door on the left.

Liam turns around, and he sighs. “Walker, it’s not necessary for you to follow us everywhere we go,” He says, making me turn to see Drake standing behind us, his eyes narrowed at Liam. “It is my job to protect her,” Drake says sternly, holding his ground. “Not for long. Last time I checked, that’s a husband’s job,” Liam snarls, inching towards Drake. “I’m sorry, last time I checked, you two are only engaged,” Drake responds, inching towards Liam as well, his fists balled. I widen my eyes, stepping between them. “First of all, I don’t need anyone to protect me okay? And I especially don’t need you two fighting over protecting me like I’m a child. Drake, thank you for your concern, but we will be okay. Liam, Drake is just trying to do his job, and I need you to respect that,” I lecture them. Drake nods, looking down. Liam backs up, looking embarrassed. “God,” I swear under my breath, shaking my head and walking into the sauna.

Liam and I sit on the wooden seats, enjoying the hot steam enveloping us. I lean back, closing my eyes. I feel my muscles finally relaxing, the stress and soreness from building the barn starting to dissipate.

I open my eyes to Drake kissing my neck, his stubble scratching over my sensitive skin, making me gasp slightly. “Shh, it’s alright, I’m going to make you feel good princess,” He whispers hoarsely in my ear, making me moan breathily, goosebumps rising all over my arms. His hands are running slowly up and down my bare back, his mouth moving down my body. I run my hands through his soft hair, tugging slightly, earning a throaty groan from him. I watch him as his mouth gets lower and lower-

“Alana! I think you fell asleep,” Liam says beside me, gently shaking my shoulder. I jump slightly, looking over to see Liam sitting next to me, watching me with a concerned look. I chuckle, bringing my hand to my forehead, feeling embarrassed. “Sorry! I had no idea I fell asleep,” I say sheepishly, my cheeks burning as I sit up straight. My face feels really hot, I just can’t tell if it’s from the steam or the dream. Liam chuckles. “You seemed like you were having an interesting dream,” He says, making me nod with a gulp. “Yeah, I uh, don’t remember it, you know how dreams can be,” I stutter. He just nods in agreement. “Hey, lets head out, I’m feeling a little light-headed,” I say quickly, getting up.

As we open the door, the cool refreshing air washes over us. Drake turns around to face us, making butterflies flutter in my stomach as we make eye contact. All I can think about is the dream, the way he was feeling me. “Yo Liam! come over here!” Leo shouts from the main room. Liam shoots me a smile before walking over the group. I stay behind, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, glancing over at Drake, suddenly feeling nervous around him.

He slightly furrows his brow. “Are you okay?” He questions, glancing over me. I gulp, with a nervous nod. “Y-yeah, I’m fine, I just fell asleep in there and feel a little light-headed,” I mutter, shifting on my feet. Drake watches me for a minute.

“You’re acting strange,” He states, making me scoff. “Me? I- am not acting strange,” I say, trying to sound casual. Drake leans in, his eyes roaming my face as I stare back at him, my heart pounding. “Did- Did you have a hot dream about me?” He asks a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth.

My mind goes blank on defenses, making Drake’s grin grow wider. “You did didn’t you?” He asks a look of astonishment on his face. My face gets even hotter, only being able to stutter in response.

Drake glances down the hallway, then back at me, before grabbing the back of my neck, pulling my lips to his. I gasp against him, kissing him back. He suddenly breaks off the kiss, making me sigh in defeat. not again. I glance back up at him, waiting for the usual excuses he tells like ‘this isn’t right’ or ‘you’re engaged’, but he doesn’t say anything, just stares down at me.

He grabs my hand and swiftly drags me into the bathroom on the other side of the hall, locking the door behind me. I blink up at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to say something. He just pushes me up against the closed door, kissing me again, rougher this time. Oh. I kiss him back hungrily, basking in this feeling with him, the way his large hands are tugging me closer against his frame, how his lips move in sync with mine. He breaks the kiss, his mouth right beside my ear, his warm breath fanning across my cheeks. “I hate seeing you with him,” He murmurs lowly, making me gulp at his deep voice, arousal shooting up my body. “mhmm, why is that?” I ask coyly. “because you’re mine,” Drake snarls with a protective squeeze, making goosebumps rise on my arms. I lean back so we are face to face. He stares at me for a moment, his pupils blown. “prove it,” I whisper slowly. His gaze becomes determined and he deftly moves his hands to roughly grab just below my ass, hoisting me up. My legs wrap around him instinctively, biting my lip at the feeling of his hands digging into my thighs and the cool wall against my back.

His lips find mine once again, quickly and with purpose. I start kissing him back, a sound of surprise erupting from the back of my throat as I feel one of his hands move to the inside of my thigh, making my stomach flip. “Is this okay?” He breathes slowly and I gulp before nodding rapidly, my heart suddenly hammering with anticipation. He smirks and his fingers reach my core, making me gasp, heat flickering up my abdomen. I feel a rush of adrenaline shooting through my veins as I realize what’s happening. I groan as his fingers move expertly between my legs, making my toes curl in pleasure, the knot in my stomach growing. I squeeze my thighs around his waist to garner more friction, moaning at the feeling of his touch. “you like that princess?” He growls, his voice deep. I nod with a soft moan as I throw my head back, making Drake take the opportunity to kiss the sensitive skin under my jaw, the various sensations overwhelming my senses. His fingers start to move in tantalizing circles around my clit, making me whimper in pleasure, grinding down on his hand. I can barely keep still, overcome with the intoxicating feeling of being with Drake.

The knot builds and builds until my chest is heaving as Drake continues to touch me, and in a second, the knot comes undone and I chew my lip to stop myself from crying out as I finish, seeing stars. Drake gently helps me on my feet as I try to catch my breath, my knees weak. “I- wow,” I pant, earning a slight chuckle from Drake. For some reason, I feel embarrassed, but when I look up to see the way he is looking at me, all of the apprehension vanishes.

He gently raises my chin, gazing softly down at me. “I cherish you, more than he ever can” He murmurs, making me fall for him even more, something I didn’t imagine was possible. I smile back up at him, looking into his sincere eyes.

“I only have eyes for you Walker, you know that”

—-

end of part 2 :)

I hope you guys liked It! I’m sorry if the smut is bad, I haven’t written in so long and I’m still not very good at writing it haha! sorry again for how long this took

[cristallsnoww]

i saw dear evan hansen livee (review)

i meant to post this sooner but school was busy so here i am

this was the national tour in sac

i went w/ my sisters and my friend plus her siblings

i had upper balcony seats, i wish i got to see it closer, but i’m grateful they even came to my city uwu

let’s get to it~

STAGE & INSTRUMENTAL

*the stage was same as the og

* the projection of the social media posts were a good touch for the bg

* the lights were good too, the bg would change color (orange in sincerely me, pink in only us)

* the sound effects sounded real

* the lights were glowing the same as the the beat in good for you

* the way all of them kept walking around looking at “social media posts” on the projection bgs in some songs

* showing evan’s speech on the bg and the videos for the connor project too

* we can see the musicians bc they had a balcony where you can see a few of them

* the sound and instrumental were sounded real (guitar and piano)

* props to the musicians

ACTING:

* sam primack played evan

* he was super good !

* he portrayed evan well, the anxiety and all

* he gave a young fresh vibe of evan

* the panic in his voice, the sobbing and sniffing were so well acted

* evan looking lost in waving through a window

* the “WOOOOOOAAAHHHH” at the end of waving through a window

* them high notes in for forever and words fail tho 👌🏼

* “i’M NOT hYpERVenTILaNG!!” and then “Dear Connor Murphy..”

* when he dropped the note cards in you will be found

* he kept apologizing and picked them up w/ a small voice

* he sat on the ground for a while and starts to have a breakdown

* he tugs his knees and sobs there 😢

* when he walked up and KNEELED DOWN in only us, zoe was sitting on the bed, it was at evan’s verse, he went up to her and kneeled w/ both knees while singing + staring into her eyes singing “so it can be us~ it can be us and oooonly us~ and what came before won’t count anymore or matter we can try that~”

* that was unexpected by me since the only version i saw was the og broadway performance and it didn’t have that which rlly knocked my socks off

* the sloppy kissing tho 😔👌🏼✨

* he’s so LoUD in act 2, like damn he went all out

* his voice was squeaky/cracked from broken sobs at some points

* the way he looked so StResSed & shouting when talking to jared and alana before good for you

* his begging when connor took his letter and when alana posted the “suicide note” so painful but good

* also the way evan always wiped his hands on his pants when zoe would stick her hand out

* how panicky he was when he freaked out that zoe was gonna “break up” w/ him

* their chemistry honestly 😭💙

* he also said a lot “what do you means” throughout the show i noticed

* his lines in good for you w/ heidi, jared, and alana singing in bg were so overwhelming but in a good way

* just an overall fresh, awkward, anxious vibe to him 😔💙

* noah kieserman played connor

* his voice reminded me of the og broadway

* the face connor gave at cynthia when larry and zoe said he was high

* the way he play punches evan in sincerely me

* the choreo in sincerely me is so iconic

* “if i stop smoking POT then everything might be alright”

* he was snapping when he sang that which i thought was new lol

* that dance they did for “our friendship goes beyond..” between connor and evan

* “..your average kind of bond” they had their arms around their shoulders and stared into their eyes before evan said “BUt not Bc we’Re gAY-“

* living for treebros moments y’know

* his high notes in disappear tho

* “when you’re falling in a forest, and there’s nobody around, all you need is for somebody to find you..”

* evan was crouching down and connor crouched next to him when he sang

* “when you’re falling in a forest, aND WhEN YoU hIT THe GrOUNd,,ALL YOU NEED IS FOR SOMEBODY TO FIND YOUUUU~”

* he stands up and reaches his hand before leaving the stage

* one of my fave lines in deh honestly

* “did you fall? or did you let go?” will always hit

* “you can’t even tell yourself the truth” also

* when evan told the truth and the murphys left the living room, they showed connor too and he also left walking away w/ disappointment/pity

* zoe was played by stephanie la rochelle

* she was good and sounded nearly the same as the og broadway/laura

* the way how zoe was nice in the beginning to evan, distant to him at first in her house about connor, then slowly opens up to him and accepts him for who he is is just 🤧

* in for forever, “there’s nothing that we can’t discuss, like girls we wish would notice us but never do” evan looks at zoe and dramatically clears his throat and continues singing

* in if i could tell her, when evan said “he thought you looked rlly pretty ER-you looked pretty COOL when you had indigo streaks in your hair” she says “he did!” and evan says really fast “he dID AHAHAHAHAH”

* it made the theatre laugh and same

* the intro to only us “i need something for me”

* “i want...you”

* 🤧🤧🤧😭😫💙💙💙

* just;;;;;; i cry

* the way zoe would hold evan’s hands and the way evan would hold zoe’s hands—

* how she and evan would copy each other’s tone of voice

* “ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏ ʸᵒᵘ” “ᵈᵒⁿ’ᵗ ᵐᵉⁿᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᶦᵗ”

* “you’re so weeeeeird.” “i knooooww.”

* i love me so bandtrees ok, my crops have been watered and is flourishing

* jared was played by alessandro costantini

* his portrayal was accurate to the og

* “i have skills son”

* his laughs were A++, especially in sincerely me

* his evil maniac laugh in the sincerely me reprise

* he was so smol compared to evan and connor, especially during sincerely me

* vocals were gr8 in sincerely me and you will be found

* the dance w/ connor when he tried to put himself into the story

* he runs so fast to the stage when his parts came, tiny lil quick feet uwu

* he tilts his head a lot when giving evan the ‘duh’ face

* we all live for his sarcasm and jokes

* “do you need a paper bag? you’re having a considerable trouble time breathing—“

* the bitterness/sad look when evan says he doesn’t have any other friends/when zoe comes up and kisses evan

* my kleinsen heart 🤧💔

* alana was played by ciara alyse harris

* she was more lively than the og but sounded exactly similar

* she acted well, her vocals and the way she exaggerated words

* vocals in good for you 👏🏼

* alana singing “on the outside always looking in will i ever be more than i’ve always been cuz i’m tap tap tapping on the glass, i’m waving through a windoww”

* “very close acquaintances”

* all the titles + positions she gives herself in the connor project video

* while evan said he was just co-president

* murphys were played by claire rankin and john menphill

* cynthia had some light raspy voice? it was interesting

* larry sounded the same as the og

* the way they hugged each other so tight in you will be found and the lights were all on them T-T

* high vocals in requiem

* cynthia’s thank yous to evan

* break in a glove had some good vocals too

* when connor’s “suicide note” was posted around and “YOU ARE NOT ALONE” kept singing while the murphys were looking lost and afraid

* opposite to the other soft “you are not alone” while the murphy parent were hugging

* heidi was played by jessica e. sherman

* she was good, close to the og

* her gestures and little dances to evan to cheer him up

* she SNAPPED after going to the murphys house

* “DO YOU KNOW HOW MORTIFYING IT IS TO KNOW THAT YOUR SON WAS SPENDING TIME AT SOMEONE ELSE’s HOUSE AND YOU DIDNT EVEN KNOW?”

* her good for you performance was great

* during the bridge, “i’ll shut my mouth and i’ll let you go..”

* she STRUTTED that walk ok ✨ w/ all the lights on her

* so big/small was calming w/ the guitar

* the way they hugged u~u

* “when it all feels so big!” teasing evan saying he’s growing after they hugged

* he laughs 🥺 w/ a cracked voice from crying

* all the family fighting were so real, the shouting, the raising of voices

im so grateful i got to see it, such an emotional ride 😔💙

i hope people who wants to see it gets to see it, you’ll be blessed

or should i say you will be found

[dearevanhansenofficial]

10 QUESTIONS WITH DEAR EVAN HANSEN LONDON’S U/S ZOE MURPHY, ALANA BECK—NATALIE KASSANGA

You may have cheered for Natalie when she was a finalist on “X Factor,” or you might be one of her 12,000 followers on Instagram, her favorite app. Either way, know that she can probably do a great impression of you or your favorite celebrity, one of her many hidden talents. Read on to learn what the others are. 

1.) Where can people follow you on social media?

Instagram: @KassangaOfficial Twitter: @NatalieKassanga

2.) Where did you grow up?

I was born in London but raised in Milton Keynes from the age of 3 years old.

3.) What’s your favourite line / lyric from DEAR EVAN HANSEN?

“Cause all that it takes is a little re-in-ven-tion”...I’m always singing that line!

4.) What’s the first show you saw (West End, Tour, Broadway, etc.)?

The Lion King on the West End. When I first got cast as young Nala in 2007, it was the very first show I had ever seen.

5.) What are you currently binge-watching on Netflix?

“How To Get Away With Murder”

6.) What’s your favourite app and why?

Instagram for sure. It’s the first app I open and I treat it as my newspaper every morning.

7.) What’s your favourite song to sing in the shower?

“7 Rings” by Ariana Grande...I’m OBSESSED with her!! 

8.) What’s your go-to London spot?

Sketch in Mayfair. Love that place!

9.) What’s a hidden talent you have that people might not know about?

I’m an amazing Badminton player!

10.) What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

“Never apologize for being who you are.”

[cosmiicorvid]

Yeet idk what to title this

A/N: this is a short little thing for mine and @sketchyskittles-png characters from our Guardian Relevance story!

Rainbow stepped into the library. It was the only place in the school she could feel close to comfortable. Being around so many people, everyone being so loud during the passing period, how spacious everything was, it scared her. She felt so small. It didn't help the fact that she had the "new girl" label on her. Most of the time she just felt invisible to everyone, but not here. The one thing she was looking forward to was finding a book and hiding in a corner to escape from it all.

She started to walk through the sections of the bookshelves until she had made her way to the fantasy area; her favourite genre. A small smile of satisfaction grew on her face. This was the longest moment of silence she had gotten since she had walked into the school. It was nice, comforting. She started to skim through each of the books and titles, looking for one that might catch her eye when she felt someone bump into her shoulder, making her nearly jump out of her skin. 

"Oh my gosh. I am so sorry! I didn't mean to bump into you!" The other girl immediately apologized before Rainbow could give any more of a reaction. She was holding a giant stack of books, almost covering her whole face, probably the reason she had a hard time seeing in front of her. "Are you alright?" She asked, with a worried expression. 

"Oh, no you're fine- I'm okay." Rain spoke quietly, just louder than a whisper as she crossed her arms to close herself out.

"Well that's good. Again, I'm really sorry." The girl pushed her glasses up. "You're... The new girl, right? Rainbow?" 

Here she goes again. Rainbow just gave a shy smile, holding her necklace, trying to avoid eye contact, but also trying not to seem rude by not looking at her.

"Yeah, today's my first day. I transferred from Woodland." 

"Well, nice to meet you, Rainbow from Woodland. I'm Alana, by the way. I like your necklace." The girl gave a friendly smile back. It wasn't as peppy as the fake smiles everyone else had been giving her. This one was much softer.

"Thanks... Nice to meet you, Alana." The mention of her necklace made her hold it even tighter than before. It somehow made her feel tense when it was brought up.

"I'm almost always in the library. I'm Ms. Lane's teacher assistant, so if you need any help with anything, I'd be glad to show you around! And I can give you an actual tour of the school, not the weirdly fake one that your welcome student gave you, but only if you'd like." 

"I might take you up on that. I appreciate it." Rainbow's smile grew a little bigger as she turned back to the bookshelf. 

"Just stop by here and let me know!" With that, she walked past her, still holding her stack of books and walked up to the front desk. Rainbow still had her arms wrapped, but Alana felt so much more… realistic than everyone else. Sure she was saying almost the exact same thing everyone else had been telling her, but she seemed like she genuinely wanted to help her out. 

Eventually, she picked out a book from the shelf that striked her interest, taking it over to a small spot in the corner with a few bean bags. She sat down and escaped into the story, at least for the rest of her lunch period.

[larriefails]

Hello! This is gonna be long so I apologize in advance. It’s also gonna sound a little like a Larrie receipt (typical “my friend’s mom’s sister”), but I hope you’ll see how legit it is. A lot of years ago, I found Larry after watching the Monitchka Larry Bible and became hooked. I stayed a Larrie until a few months before Freddie was born (when we saw Briana’s bump). I’m on the older side so I never really talked much with anyone in the fandom, it made me feel a little like the Steve -1

Buscemi meme “how do you do fellow kids”, and I didn’t like most of the older Larries, they had very predatory and creepy attitudes with younger fans. My blog stayed small, and it still is very small, so I was always able to cruise without making many waves, and I was happy with that. One day, I sent a message off anon to a big Larrie that was being harassed for disagreeing with the agreed upon opinion by other big Larries. I tried to comfort her because the attacks she was receiving were -2

Terrible and no one deserves that. I’m a teacher so I try to discourage group thinking and I’m more nurturing in nature. She was very appreciative and we continued talking in the following days. Tumblr chat wasn’t a thing yet, so we did it via fan mail, but it was really annoying so, soon, we exchanged numbers and started talking via WhatsApp. This whole backstory is to explain how I came to find out how Louis and Eleanor actually met, and how IT WAS ACTUALLY HARRY WHO INTRODUCED THEM. And to -3

Make matters worse, Larries know. Big Larries at least, they know exactly how and never shared it. My Big Larrie Friend, let’s call her BLF for short, sent me screenshots of her conversation with another Big Larrie. BLF is a sweetheart and not a Larrie anymore, so I’m not gonna give out who she is, but I will say who she was having the conversation with. It was, at that time, ittybird. Her url now is betterstllbemywindingwheel. BLF had her saved in her phone as “Becki” (I still have -4

The screenshots). Becki is also a teacher, she lives in the north of England, and she was telling BLF that she had a new apprentice teacher in her school. Becki told BLF the name and last name of the apprentice teacher, but I’m not gonna share it for obvious reasons. Becki said that she had immediately started a conversation about 1D with the apprentice teacher, and then she went into Larry. That’s when the apprentice teacher told Becki that she was actually friends with Alana Burton -5           

Eleanor’s best friend, and that she knew Larry wasn’t real because Alana had told her that she was the one that introduced Louis and Eleanor. Apprentice Teacher (let’s call her AT) said that Alana worked at W. Mandeville, the bakery Harry worked at for a few years. She and Harry met there, and when 1D was doing the X Factor tour in early 2011, Harry invited Alana to one of the Manchester shows. Alana took Eleanor with her, and after the show, they went backstage to meet Harry, who introduced -6

Them to the rest of the band, obviously, Louis included. Louis had a girlfriend at that time, but he added Eleanor to his private Facebook (the name was Inv Isibleman, it’s now deactivated) and they kept in contact. They started seeing each other when Louis broke up with Hannah. So Alana and Harry introduced Louis and Eleanor. Becki was livid and she told AT that she was lied to, that Alana had simply made it up. And she showed AT “Larry proof” to convince her that her friend had lied to her -7

Becki didn’t give much details after that, she just said that AT had told her she believed in Larry after her “proof”. She was laughing at “how is Alana gonna explain that one when Larry comes out” and stuff like that. My friend, BLF, had become worried. She thought AT had just told Becki she believed in her Larry proof because she wanted to get her off her back, and didn’t wanna insult her, since Becki is a teacher at the school she was just beginning to work at. So BLF tried to prove that -8

Becki had lied about the whole thing and it had never happened. She went to Becki’s Facebook and checked for her friends, that’s when she found AT. She then went to AT’s Facebook and checked for Alana, found that they’d been friends since like 2008. And AT had Facebook posts about being a teacher as well. So the whole thing was real. She told me about it because she was worried and seeking reassurance. She tried to argue that AT had lied to make herself sound more important about what Alana -9

Had told her, that there was no way Louis would keep in contact with a random girl he met at a concert, or that because Chloe Burcham (Alana’s friend that’s also friends with Harry) hadn’t mentioned Alana when she went to the X Factor tour it meant Alana didn’t go at all. I tried to soothe her and tell her that it was probably just how they’d met Eleanor for real, but that it didn’t mean it was a real relationship, that maybe they had just chosen her to be a beard because they had friends in -10

Common. Then BLF said something that haunted me until I stopped being a Larrie (not that long after), “if this is how they actually met, then why was it never used? Why has no one said that Alana worked with Harry at the bakery? Why not say that they met at the X Factor tour? It would definitely shut a lot of Larries up.” And the only explanation we could find was that Louis was still with Hannah at that point and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings or make her think that he’d cheated on her -11

But if Larry was real, that didn’t make any sense. Obviously Larries believe that Louis and Hannah either never dated and she was a beard he had for his friends and family before the X Factor, or that they broke up way before than July 2011 because Harry and Louis were definitely together at that point and Harry wouldn’t have settled for being “the other woman”, so Hannah wouldn’t be an issue. We were stumped by this and didn’t know how to make sense of it with Larry being real. Why would -12

Alana lie to a random friend of hers that’s not a One Direction fan or even knows anything about them about introducing Louis and Eleanor? What would even be the point of that? Becki never posted the details of this on her tumblr, but when it was announced that Louis was gonna be a dad and Larries started sharing “receipts” she used it. She said that “Eleanor’s friends believe she lied about how she and Louis met and Louis is gay.” The post is still up on her blog -13

It’s private now, so you can only view it on the app, and only if she doesn’t have you blocked www,tumblr,com/dashboard/blog/betterstllbemywindingwheel/124109796807 but here it is from another blog that reblogged it daysundercover,tumblr,com/post/124110111417/ok-fuck-it -14

————

Oh wow. This is a lot. I don’t really know what to say… thank you for sharing? X

[magnificentbluebirdobservat-blog]

My Idea For The Live Action Little Mermaid

Make a live action Live action Little mermaid movie with an alternate ending. In this alternate ending, which takes place directly after Triton turned Ariel human and she kissed Eric on the beach.

Triton turns himself human and walks on land to join them. He explains that this isn’t a permanent change. He says that he’s giving Ariel and Eric 3 years to see if their relationship will work.

But that he has 2 conditions:

1)      Ariel will spend a year on land, learning about being human

2)      Eric will spend a year in the ocean, learning about the sea

The show will be 2 seasons.

Each season will have 10 episodes.

Season 1: Ariel’s Journey

Season 2: Eric’s Journey

For this to work Disney would need to hire TV actors for the live action movie who could then go on to play on the tv series. So huge big-name actors won’t work, due to how much it would cost to pay them and scheduling conflicts with other movies) Also, the actors would have to be able to sing. (I’ll take suggestions)

Season 1:

1x01: Ariel’s New Beginning.

Summary: Ariel is given her own room in Eric’s castle and, now that she has her voice back. This is kind of a getting to know each other episode. Eric only knew Ariel when she couldn’t talk, and Ariel only had 3 days to seduce him. Let’s slow things down between them. Eric wants to redo the date they had in the movie and talk to her.

1x02: Ariel The Vegetarian

Summary: Ariel finds out about how much fish the Kingdom eats and tries to put a stop to it. Ariel and Eric argue over it, and both make good points. In the end, Eric tells Ariel that while he can't control the rest of the kingdom, he can control himself. He promises that she will never see another dead fish in her dining room and the two eat a nice salad at the dinner table.

 1x03: Ariel’s First Day Of School.

Summary: Now that Ariel has her voice, she turns to Eric for answers to all the questions that she has burning inside. At first Eric is enthused and open to answer any question that she might have, but as the days go on, he slowly becomes irritated with all of her questions. Then when she wakes him up in the middle of the night to ask him about a question he snaps at her, he quickly apologizes and the two talk. Eric asks her to ask him her question in the morning. But after a walk-in town where Ariel sees a child pestering her father with questions and sees the expression on the father’s face is similar to the one Eric has been giving her, she decides that she doesn’t want that kind of imbalance in their relationship. This leads her to talk to Grimsby, Eric's manservant and confidant, who recommends that she go to school. I’d like there to be a nice relationship between Ariel and her teacher.

1x04: Ariel And The Queen

Summary: Ariel finally meets Eric’s mother. Ariel, who lost her mother at a young age, wants to bond with her, but Eric’s mother doesn’t like her. This isn’t resolved in this episode. The episode ends with Eric reassuring Ariel that he likes her and saying that his mother will come around with time. I’d like Ariel’s mother to slowly warm up to her, a bit each episode, not admitting that she likes her to at least 5 episodes.

1x05: Ariel Makes A Friend

Summary: Ariel meets Eric’s sister and the two become fast friends. Eric’s sister does not believe in mermaids and is afraid of the ocean. Ariel tries to convince her that mermaids are real and teach her not to be afraid of the water. (Make sure the two interact at least once in every episode after this one)

1x06: Ariel Meets The King

Summary: Ariel meets Eric’s father. Eric’s father is nothing like her own. He seems to be a gentle king and he and Ariel grow close. Eric’s father tells Ariel a story about having met a mermaid once when he was younger, with a beautiful voice (Hints of it being Ariel’s mother)

1x07: Ariel: The Matchmaker

Summary: Ariel thinks her Eric’s sister has a crush. Ariel tries to figure out who it is. Once she figures it out, she tries to help her friend out, even singing a reprise of kiss the girl while the two are together, but it ends hilariously with her Eric’s sister recognizing her voice and asking what she’s doing. There are 3 possible endings 1) Eric’s sister gains the confidence to ask out the guy herself. 2) Eric’s sister friend doesn’t have a crush on that guy but instead likes a girl who works at the same shop and gains the confidence to ask her out. 3) Eric’s sister friend doesn’t have a crush at all and reveals that she’s never really been attracted to anyone in the town (Asexual ending)

1x08 Ariel’s Surprise Visitor

Summary: Ariel’s sister, Andrina, comes to visit. Andrina is 16 (one year older than Ariel), and is a humorous genius who likes jokes and sarcasm. At first, Ariel is overjoyed to have her sister on land with her. But Andrina seems to adjust to land better than Ariel did, understanding basic things like what a fork is for, etc. And Andrina seems to get along well with Ariel. Ariel begins to worry that maybe Andrina would have been the mermaid better suited for the Kingdom on land and imagines a scenario where Andrina recused Eric instead of her. Later, Andrina admits that she doesn’t like it on land and that she’s glad that she only had Triton turn her human for a week. Ariel thought she would be happy that Andrina was leaving but finds herself wishing her sister would stay. When Andrina goes back in the ocean, Ariel sits on the beach and we end the episode with Ariel looking sad.

1x09 Ariel’s Homesickness

Summary: Ariel misses her family and the ocean. Eric notices her depression and tries to cheer her up. Ariel pretends to be happy, but she isn’t. This leads to her having a one-sided conversation with Max over whether she wants to stay on land. Eric hears her talking through a crack n the door and looks upset. This leads to Eric taking Ariel on another tour of the kingdom and trying to talk things up, and hovering around her more (basically trying to smother her with love) but he keeps catching her looking at the ocean. Then he walks in her room and finds her listening to a seashell. He realizes that this isn’t working and decides to talk to her about it. He lets her know how happy he is that she’s with him and that he’s sorry she’s homesick. He asks if there’s anything that he can do, and Ariel just wants to be alone. This leads to a moment between Ariel and Eric’s mom where his mom admits that she’s grown fond of her and wouldn’t be happy to see her go. She asks Ariel what she misses about the ocean and Ariel tells her. Then we’d have the camera pan out with Ariel talking and Eric’s mom’s hand on her shoulder. Talking about the ocean and what she misses will help and we’d see her smiling and walking with Eric’s mom later.

 1x10 Return To The Sea

Summary: It’s the day before Ariel and Eric go to spend a year in the ocean. Eric feels guilty for being nervous about going, especially with how easy Ariel gave up everything. After a conversation where his father asks if Ariel is worth it, Eric decides that he’s ready. We end the episode with Triton turning Eric into a merman.

 Season 2: Eric’s Journey

2x01 Part Of Your World

Summary: Eric is having trouble adjusting to life under the sea. Ariel is trying to help him. (Role reversal) Eric and Ariel explore the sea together and she shows Eric the place where she collected treasures from Land.

2x02 Eric & Arista: Finders Keepers

Summary: Arista has been trying to control her kleptomania, but in a moment of weakness she stole something. Now Eric has to help her return it because she doesn’t want her sister’s to find out.

2x03: Eric & Aquanta: The Lost Seahorse

Summary: Aquata’s seahorse, Mr. Fuzzyfinkle is missing. Arista didn’t take it. Eric goes on a journey to help Aquata find it. Eric confesses to having his own personal childhood thing at home and understands. Frame the episode like a noir detective episode under the sea.

2x04: Eric & Adella: The Relationship

Summary: Adella and her boyfriend had a fight. Adella goes to Eric to help her fix things between the two of them.

2x05: Eric & Alana: Merman cosmetics

Summary: Alana wants to start a merman cosmetic line and needs to test her makeup out on Eric. Her makeup has a weird effect (possible choices; turning Eric’s skin a different color, making Eric mute, making Eric grow scales on his face, or some other random thing) and they need to work together to fix it.

2x06: Eric & Attina: The Mother

Summary: Attina has been like a mother to her sister’s ever since they lost their real one. She’s not supportive of Eric taking her baby sister away to live on land forever. Attina has always been a little overprotective of her sisters, blaming herself for her mother's death because her tail fins were stuck in a rock when the pirate ship bore down on the kingdom, and her mother swam out into the open to free her, causing Athena to be crushed by the bow of the ship. Eric tries his best to prove himself to Attina. I’d end the episode on a cliff-hanger with a pirate ship coming.

2x07: Eric & Attina: The Pirates

Summary: Attina is still giving Eric the cold shoulder. The two are arguing when pirates attack. Arista’s fin gets stuck and Attina goes to help her. It brings back a flashback to what happened to her mother. Eric helps rescue them. This leads to Attina realizing that Eric is an okay guy. While she admits that she still doesn’t want him to take Ariel away, she acknowledges that Ariel could have picked a worse man to love.

2x08: Eric & Ariel: Battle In The Ocean

Summary: Eric gets in trouble (kidnapped, chased by a shark, held hostage by one of Ursla’s followers, etc.) and Ariel has to work together with her sisters to rescue him.

2x09: Eric & The King Of The Sea

Summary: Triton and Eric spend the day together. Things between them are tense. But slowly thaw as the two get to know each other. At the end of the episode, Triton offers to turn Eric into a mermaid permanently, so he and Ariel can stay in the ocean. Eric asks for time to think about it.

2x10: Eric & Ariel: The Decision

Summary: Eric has been thinking about Triton’s offer. After seeing how happy Ariel is with her sisters, with flounder, and her dad, he begins to question whether going back to the Kingdom on land would be the best thing. It’s almost time for Triton to turn them human and send them back to the surface. Eric proposes to Ariel while they are still mermaids and offers to stay in the ocean with her. Ariel thinks about it and tell Eric that she wants a life with him, and she wants it on land. The two are turned back into humans and they walk out of the ocean to meet Eric’s family.

Now there are 3 options for what comes next:

1)      We have a third season on land focused on the engagement.

2)      We have a movie based around the engagement with someone against mermaid/human relationships trying to put a stop to it.

3)      We make the wedding the season finale.

 And that’s what I would do with the live action little mermaid.

[froggiedog]

Okay!! So!! Merry (a lil’ late) Christmas (or all that other jazz) @vndoom !!!!

Your prompts were SO STINKIN’ CUTE and I immediately fell in love with the first one. I realized a lil’ late I’m bad at keeping things short, so I had to really push myself to leave out some extraneous detail.

I apologize that it’s towards the end of the deadline, but I hope the wait was worth it!! I’ve never been great at deadlines anyways,,,

Enjoy!!

(And endless thanks to the ever-lovely @showtoons for beta-ing!!)

3,162 words, some mild swearing.

@dearevanhansensecretsanta

Evan has always hated field trips.

There was always too much to do, too much to remember, and too many people packed onto a tiny school bus.

He shivers in his seat, staring bitterly out the frosted window as the kid next to him leans out across the middle aisle, shouting something at his friends in a way that was just too obnoxious for Evan to be able to handle right now.

Evan had set his bag on the seat next to him, a physical marker of I don’t want anyone to sit here, find somewhere else, but the kid had shoved it to the ground and plopped himself right in Evan’s safe space without so much as an apology or an acknowledgement.

That was fine, he guessed. Evan also hated small talk.

The bus jostles to the side, throwing Evan against the window, and he reels back as the cool glass meets with the side of his face. Disgruntled, he raises a gloved hand to rub at it in annoyance. Today was already turning out to be fantastic.

Alana pops up over the back of the seat in front of Evan, flashing a bright grin at him. Evan looks up at her wearily.

“We’re almost there! Don’t forget your backpack this year— remember last time? You were so distraught—”

“Yes, but—”

“—and you called your mother, crying—”

“Okay, Alana, thank you.” Evan rubs at his temples. “Yes, that was— I remember that.” Evan reaches down to tug his backpack into his lap, faking a smile he’s sure looks painful on his face. “I won’t forget it this time.”

She only shrugs, sinking back into her seat, when Evan’s phone buzzes.

Connor

If i have to listen to this asshole make one more joke about my hair im throwing him out the window

Evan smiles down at his phone, cradling it in his hands like it was a prized heirloom from a time forgotten (in a sense, it kind of was). There had been too many seniors to cram them all on one bus, so the class had been split. Evan was left with Alana on this bus, and Connor and Jared were together on the other. Evan was fairly certain one or the other would arrive, throttled, at their destination.

Evan

I think all of us would appreciate that, except maybe Alana.

Just don’t get in trouble with the chaperones.

Connor replies with a simple “k”, and Evan tucks his phone away. It seems the others on the bus are becoming restless and noisy, squabbling around to get a look out the windows, so he figures they’re arriving soon.

Evan clutches the straps of his backpack tightly as they get off the bus, the cold air immediately whipping its way into his jacket and forcing him into a hunch.

God, he really hates the cold.

Evan jumps reflexively as a long, thin arm winds its way around his shoulders. Startled, he looks up into the grim, gaunt face of Connor Murphy. Who is scowling.

“What’s up?” Evan asks, relaxing into his side. “Missed you.”

Jared makes a distinct gagging noise somewhere to Evan’s left, beyond Connor. “Just get together already, you’re both fuckin’ gross.”

Evan wrinkles his nose, immediately detaching from Connor’s side. “Is it even worth it at this point to tell you we’re just friends?”

“That.” Connor says, pointing a thin, gloved finger at Jared. “That’s the problem.”

Jared places a hand over his heart, mocking a wounded expression. “‘That’? I must mean more to you than just ‘that’, Murphy.”

Connor doesn’t humor him, instead making a show of rolling his eyes.

As the teachers call everyone’s attention and wrangle them into place, they explain the nature of the tour, adding special detail to the notes they need to take along the way, reiterating as many times as possible that it isn’t a leisure trip. Everyone groans collectively at the assigned workload, with the exception of Alana, who seems to radiate excitement. They go on to say everyone should get themselves a walking partner, so nobody gets lost, and Connor immediately velcros himself to Evan’s side. It still gives Evan a warm feeling that Connor isn’t withdrawn about their friendship.

Evan gives Jared a bit of side-eye, watching for a moment as Alana grips his arm and chatters his ear off, before fixing his eyes back on the teachers at the front of the group.

Evan flashes Connor a meek smile and plops his mittened hand into his. He’d be just fine like this.

The snow on the sidewalks of New York City could hardly be considered snow— it was all slushy mush that seeped into the fabric of Evan’s Uggs as they walked, wetting his socks and making him intensely more uncomfortable the farther they went. The air seemed to be as bitter and sharp as his current mood.

“You okay?” Connor’s voice pulled him from his darkening thoughts. Evan turns his head to look up at him, and Connor’s eyes were knowing, but not revealing. To passerby, it wouldn’t look like there was a scene unfolding. Evan appreciates that.

He sighs, shoving his hands deeper into the pockets of his worn-out coat. The padding on the inside was so flattened by this point the damn thing barely kept him warm. “I’m just... cold. And not looking forward to this.”

Connor offers Evan a small smile, just for him. “You already know we’re in the same boat.” Evan nods, and Connor’s smile turns smirk. “Would me throwing a snowball at the back of Kleinman’s head make you feel any better?”

“It’d make you feel better,” Evan snorts, “It’d also get us in trouble.”

Connor groans like Evan had just denied him a free piece of candy, his shoulders drooping childishly. “You’re no fun when there are teachers around, y’know that?”

Evan pushes against his arm lightly, a faint smile on his lips, and he allows himself to chuckle.

—

After a while, the groggy uncomfortable feeling starts to feel worse.

The busy streets of New York are crowded and unnavigable enough to be walking through them with a pack of students, all of them loud and restless like a herd of scared sheep, jostling Evan as they walk and pulling him around like a ragdoll. The sounds from the traffic whirring around them melding with the multitude of voices surely don’t help Evan’s senses either, making his face contort into an ugly wince and squish Connor’s hand; his own uncomfortably sweaty inside his gloves despite the cold. He looks up from the pavement in an attempt to ground himself, focus on something else, but he realizes it was a futile attempt when the Christmas lights that are strung from the trees seem to spin and whirl in blurry circles before his eyes. Evan’s lack of attention on his footing makes him skid on a patch of ice. Connor’s fingers are suddenly around his arm.

It’s suddenly too much to take.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, just stops moving until the tangle of students pass around them and they’re at the back of the pack.

“Better?”

Evan nods numbly, though it really isn’t, but he lets Connor pull him forward by his arm anyway. His stomach feels like a bubbling cauldron, his mouth dry, and he tries very hard to swallow the excess saliva pooling in his mouth due to his sudden nausea. He feels Connor’s hand slipping down to grab his, continuing to tug him forward, yet Evan’s feet feel like they’re weighed down with cement. He finally gives in, shaking his head much like a dog, and tugs weakly on Connor’s hand until they’ve stopped again. He’s all too aware of strangers glancing at them as they pass, yet he can’t seem to make himself look at anywhere that’s not the dirty sidewalk beneath them. “I can’t, I feel sick, Connor, I can’t—”

Connor moves to Evan’s front, securing his hands around Evan’s arms and bending down slightly to peer into his face. Evan briefly considers he should feel babied by the action, slightly pissed off, but he realizes he doesn’t. “Breathe, Evan. Just take a moment, you’re alright.”

Evan tries, all the breathing exercises that were taught to him tumble around inside his mind desperately before he can even try to put one into practice. Yet, something about Connor’s strong grip on his arms and the strong scent of his deodorant make Evan feel like he can take his time, like Connor will wait for him, and the world won’t crumble as long as Connor doesn’t lose his grip on him. So he does. He closes his hands into tight fists, and gradually, Evan’s rapid inhales begin to slow. The world slowly stops spinning, things coming into focus, and it doesn’t feel like his entire stomach is going to climb out of his mouth anymore. He’s not great, but he’s slightly more stable, which is arguably better than how he started. The chill settles on his clammy skin, and Connor must notice him shivering because he straightens up and tugs Evan to his chest, wrapping his arms around him.

After a few more moments pass of Evan listening to the gentle beat of Connor’s heart, he pulls back and Connor releases him, his hands sliding back into the pocket of his hoodie.

“All good?” Connor asks.

Evan nods. “Good, this time, yeah.”

Except, as Connor moves out of the way, Evan can’t find where the rest of the class went.

They’re gone.

Frantically, he begins to weave between the people on the sidewalk, peering over and around them, and Connor calls out to him in confusion as he goes. They’re gone. They’re gone. The class left without them, and now Evan can’t see where they went, and they’re lost in New York, and he’ll never find his way home, he has no idea where he is—

Connor yanks on Evan by the back of his coat collar, which effectively gets his attention.

“Where the hell are you going?”

“I—” Evan chokes on his words, swallowing painfully, and turns to Connor. “They’re gone, Connor, they left— we’re lost—”

“So don’t just run off!” Connor stills himself, inhaling deeply through his nose for a moment. “It’s fine, Ev. We can just Google Maps the area, or whatever. Seriously.”

“Oh.” Evan blinks. “Right.”

Connor fishes his phone from his pocket and Evan inches closer to him, fisting a hand in the hem of his hoodie like a child. Connor blinks down at the action momentarily, but resumes swiping around on his phone.

“This way.” Connor stalks forward and Evan is hasty to follow, skidding through the slush, clutching to Connor as if though the minute he lets go of him, he’d vanish too.

There’s a stinging in his nose and a tight feeling in his chest, but Evan pushes down the urge to start crying because they’re in public, and he can tell Connor is already stressed by the rigid set of his jaw and the way he walks, stiff and brisk. He doesn’t need to upset him more— He knows if he goes off a third— fourth? (he’s already starting to lose track) time he might push Connor over the edge. Evan hates upsetting him more than he hates the situation they’re in.

They don’t talk much, occasionally twisting left or right, and eventually Connor slows his stomping. He punches a button for the crosswalk.

“I’m—” Connor’s nose crinkles up. “Y’know, it’s not your fault.”

Evan digs the toe of his soaked shoe into the bank of snow on the edge of the sidewalk. “Okay.” He says, because he doesn’t know what else to. A car whizzes past, spraying dirty slush behind it.

Connor’s hand comes up to scratch the back of his neck, flicking his wrist and tossing his hair out behind him. Evan’s eyes catch on the movement, and it distracts him from realizing the crosswalk light has turned green and Connor is already walking away from him. He lurches into the road, scurrying to catch up with him, and reattaches himself to Connor’s arm as he reaches him.

The taller of the two smiles down at Evan, amusement clear in the curve of his mouth. “Clingy today, aren’t we? If you’re trying to steal my heat it’s not gonna work— I’m too cold-hearted for that.”

Evan rolls his eyes. A smile creeps onto his face as well. “No, I just— I don’t want to lose you.”

A brief emotion Evan can’t place passes over Connor’s face before it shifts into something Evan thinks might be determination. “Here, let’s— Can we sit down for a moment?”

Evan stutters a startled affirmation, allowing Connor to lead him to the edge of an empty fountain. He brushes some snow off, and pulls Evan down to sit with him. Evan cringes at how cold the stone is. The look on Connor’s face says the same.

“Alright, bad idea.” Connor shifts a little, his knee knocking into Evan’s. “Um...”

Something small catches on one of Evan’s eyelashes, blurring his vision momentarily before he blinks it away. He looks up, as if he’d find an answer in the air, and... well, he does. Snowflakes are starting to swirl gently around them, settling gently in Connor’s hair and nuzzling into the creases of Evan’s jacket. Evan just now takes notice of the Christmas lights strung up through the small corner-park they’ve stopped at, twinkling, cheery blues and whites. Evan also takes notice of Connor.

His breath is exhaled in visible puffs like a dragon’s, clouding momentarily before dissipating into the cool air. There are snowflakes on his eyelashes as well, and it looks like someone sprinkled him with glitter. It takes a bit of willpower for Evan not to chuckle at the imagery.

Connor is looking at him. Looking into his eyes. Evan is bodily aware of the simple space where their knees are touching, where Evan couldn’t force himself to pull away if he wanted to.

Snow must make him really, super sappy.

There’s a hand on his, and Evan looks down— It’s Connor’s— and Evan looks back up. Connor’s eyes are soft and warm, and there’s a pink dusting across his cheeks and his nose from the cold. Without much thought, Evan brings his free hand to cup the side of Connor’s face, to offer warmth, but Connor must have thought something different of the gesture.

He leans forward, fast but not fast enough that if Evan had wanted to pull back, he could’ve, and connects their lips.

Evan takes a brief moment to wonder how horribly chapped his lips are, but Connor’s are soft and they slide against his, Evan’s entire being forgetting how cold he was moments before; and just like that, the world is suddenly quiet. The cars are background noise, the chattering of strangers distant and fuzzy, the crunching and sloshing of snow are dim in comparison to the cacophony that is Evan’s heartbeat. It pounds out a steady rhythm in his chest and the hand he has resting on Connor’s cheek slides down to press against Connor’s chest, seeking out the same thing. It beats gently against Evan’s mittened fingers.

They pull away from each other and Connor’s face is lit up like a Christmas tree. It’s one of the most beautiful things Evan has seen, how relaxed and happy and ultimately at peace he looks. Evan’s heart stutters in its rhythm.

He knows he’ll ruin the moment if something comes out of his mouth. His mouth decides to work against his brain anyways. “Uh— I really, um—” He brings his hand from Connor’s chest (he’s a little mortified he left it there) to his own lips. “I’m— wow?”

Connor laughs, a real laugh, a laugh that wrinkles the corners of his eyes and shakes his curly hair loose from behind his shoulders. “You’re a real casanova, y’know that?” Evan’s face heats, and Connor grins at him. “I was gonna try to do a little more talking, but I think that kind of sums everything up.” He pauses. “Probably worked better than if I tried talking, anyways.”

Evan is still a little dumbstruck from the whole situation, not entirely sure how he’s supposed to sort out his feelings and what just happened and what it means. Are they... Does that make them boyfriends? Oh, Jared will have a field day—

Connor takes Evan by the hand and pulls him from the cold stone tile. Evan is still warm. Warmer than he’s ever been. The way Connor’s smiling at him makes him feel like he could burn up.

After Connor starts navigating with his phone again, maneuvering them through the grid-like streets of New York city as snow flurries blow into their eyes, Evan catches sight of the group of teenagers squawking and flocking around the meeting point. He and Connor casually slip into the back of the crowd, but not without Jared and Alana noticing.

“Where have you two been?” Alana pouts, planting her hands on her hips and leaning towards them. “You’ve missed all the fun!”

Connor snorts before he can stop himself. “We had some fun of our own.” Evan’s face must go cherry red, because Jared gasps like he’s heard the most scandalous news of the century.

“No way.” He lunges towards Evan and yanks down his coat collar to inspect his neck. “Did you score any hickies?”

“Jared!” Evan squawks, flapping his hands at him uselessly before managing to push him off. “No, we just... Got lost. Is all.”

Jared squints at him. He’s known Evan since he was a kid, he can probably see right through him. The falling snow must have him in a peace-loving mood, because he drops the subject. He turns to smirk at Connor.

“I don't like it,” Connor starts, “Whatever that look is, I don't like it.”

“Trying to sneak off for some ‘alone-time’, Murphy?”

The two bicker back and forth, something they always seem to be doing, until they relax into their usual group dynamic. Evan zones out for most of the speech done by the teachers, having Alana tug on his sleeve when they seemingly say something worth noting, and while he’s trying to pay attention to the sociocultural reasons of why the architecture of the old New York City buildings remain the way they are, Evan feels Connor’s hand fall into his. He stops himself from looking up to him, however, instead opting to squeeze his hand softly; an unspoken promise, as he does his best to rid his mind from piling thoughts of maybe kissing Connor some more. In private. When they have the time to make it last. Once Evan feels Connor’s amused eyes on him, though, he realizes he might have not done a good job at not letting them show on his face.

He briefly wonders if they could get lost together a bit more often.

[coralmccallum]

Hi I’ll start with a small apology…… life got in the way and I omitted to write a newsletter last month. (I also forgot to add writing it to my To Do list and with all the buzz of the run up to Christmas etc, I forgot about it!)

  I mentioned in November’s newsletter that I would be busy with my music blog in December and I was! During December I enjoyed three great nights of music. Missed my reviews of those shows? Not to worry, you can catch up here https://the525toglasgow.wordpress.com/

Currently there are seven gigs in my 2019 calendar but that list is bound to grow somewhat as more tours are announced. Do you think I’d get away with badging it as “book research”? LOL

December also saw a guest indie author make an appearance on my blog. I welcomed Mark Grint aka Christian W Smith along to share his excellent short story Alana of Great Lindford and some insights into his writing. If you missed it, you can catch up here https://coralmccallum.wordpress.com/2018/12/03/introducing-2/ If you are an author with a new novel underway or have a short story to share and would like to be featured on my blog, please contact me. Guests are always welcome.

The next instalment in my Silently Watching series rounded off the year on my blog. It never ceases to amaze me how popular that particular dark angel is. Don’t worry, she’ll be back later this year.

My primary creative focus is still Book Baby 5. Progress has been steady throughout December and as planned I began the long arduous process of typing it up on 1st January. The current loose plan is to write/type for the first half of this year, type/edit over Summer and into Autumn then, all being well, Book Baby 5 will take its first tentative steps into the world towards the end of the year. It’s a tall order as there is a huge amount still be done but I’ll give it my best shot!

  This slideshow requires JavaScript.

As my mantra says “Dreams get you started. Discipline keeps you going”. I’m going to need all my self-discipline to bring this one in on schedule- trust me! Till next time….. Love n hugs Coral xx January 2019 Hi I’ll start with a small apology…… life got in the way and I omitted to write a newsletter last month.

[labellerose-acheron]

Alana said it matter-of-factly, but it felt awful to hear anyway. Why hadn't she considered gluten allergies?! That was incredibly rude of her. She had just wanted to help and now she was making everything even worse.

Belle, very nearly, burst into tears.

She didn't, but only just held onto the urge to do so. Still, her big, blue eyes turned glassy and she looked down at the platter of cookies in one of her hands, blinking rapidly.

"They probably aren't very good anyway," she managed in a wobbly voice before she sniffed and brought her head up again.

"I, uhm, have flowers too." She held out the bouquet of a variety of flowers so Alana could pick one. Unless she was allergic to those too.

Apology Tour *** [Open]

[labellerose-acheron]

Alana was...someone Belle had a complicated relationship with. Well, she felt it was complicated, even if she hadn't thought about Alana in a very long time. She'd dated Lou, and from what he said, hadn't exactly been a good partner, but--she was also Marie's business partner? And, honestly, Lou seemed quite happy to talk to her these days so...she wasn't really sure what was going on there. And, also, she was a native, so Belle had known of her most their lives.

She respected her as a businesswoman. They could always use more of those.

But now--she felt awkward. Not only because Alana had just implied she was a bitch, and used the word, which Belle wouldn't use herself to a near stranger in such a context (it just seemed so jarring), but because--

"To be honest, uhm, I'm not sure. I just--baked them with a normal recipe. There is oatmeal raisin, sugar, chocolate chip...do any of those sound like they don't have gluten?"

Apology Tour *** [Open]