#apologies for spelling and grammar issues I have a migraine

[fledglingmaster]

I haven't had such vivid nightmares in a couple years. Not to say I haven't had vivid good dreams or any nightmares...but this...I think it was worst because it was a nightmare within a nightmare, within another nightmare. Breaking through a layer and thinking you're awake only to still be trapped. Having to break through again, thinking it's now safe, but it still isn't.

I figure that some of you might appreciate my weird mind. Especially the last nightmare.

I'm glad I don't remember the first nightmare. Something about a storm in a forest, lightning striking. But that's it. I "woke up" on the couch with a raging fever.

The second one, to frame it, was my current life. I was perhaps ten years younger. I was extremely sick, my parents were arguing, I thought my mom was going to leave and my father was going to beat me. (I think this has been a deep seated fear I had from childhood.) I attempted walking to my room but collapsed in the hallway screaming. There were three shut doors, my room, my parent's, and the bathroom, as there are in real life. But they were massive doors and all lined up next to each other. I could sense something awful behind each one. My mom calmed me down and walked me to my room. Once in my bed I was rushed by tall, thin, shadowy figures. I tried to scream but nothing came out.

I then "woke up" from that nightmare. No spooky figures, I wasn't sick, I had a whole different life despite living in the same house. I was an orphan and I wanted to find my mother desperately. I had no memories of my childhood, it was like I was just born an adult. My body was different, I was a trans woman. I had battled a life-long eating disorder (according to others/doctors as my memory only went so fair back) and was finally doing better. Once again I think I was in my 20s. I found a lead to a camp I attended when I was young. As I snuck in I had a fight with a park ranger that wanted to kill all the kids inside the camp with poisonious gas. I ended up beating him to death with a shovel. When I got in the camp I found out it was actually an android manufactoring plant. I watched androids being "born." There was a head android, mother. She taught the child androids on how to blend in with humans. Once a kid needed to grow up the mother android would tear off their face plate, erase the bits of their memory they didn't need, and input skills they did need. They would get a new face plate and their bodies would adjust to look older. I overheard one ask mother if they could be a girl, so she gave them a different face plate and longer hair. Their body changed to look like a young teen girl. At this point I begin questioning am I human or an android? Then it was lunch time...for whatever reason the androids were only fed ground up humans. In comes the park ranger's body and I'm beginning to think I should have let him destroy the plant. Now there will be an army of people eating androids out in the world. But am I one of them? They don't know any better and apparentally they can eat more than just humans, it's just difficult. I'm spotted. Mother says how she missed me and how proud of me she is, I was her most successful student. She never says creation, just student. I watch her chop and grind up the ranger. She forces a seat at the table for me and shoves a tray of raw ground meat at me and says, "welcome home." I must eat it or risk being killed...I no longer can tell if I'm human or android. It's too much to think about. (I could have been a human child that was adopted in and the trauma was too much for me to handle. That's what I told myself at least. But if the end goal was for androids to think they're human...that is the more likely option.)

I woke up for real after that, shaking. I know where some of that came from but wow...I must have a lot of internal conflict going on right now.

[spicyicetea]

Ok- obligatory apology for being absent. I did say I’d have some new chapters out before February ended but I’ve been rather sick (just found I react badly to my migraine meds and it apparently runs in the family- why did no one tell me :,) ). On a better note, I’ve been using this to finally watch Jojo’s bizarre adventure, I’m currently halfway through the stardust crusaders. So JJBA fans I see you, I understand the hype… I also understand now what you mean by most people in this show are fuckable and it scares me that I now agree so quickly. I will probably try and finish watching it over the next few weeks, but I am thoroughly enjoying it. I won’t name characters but every main character death so far has made me upset.

So here comes the question I wanted to ask- are any of my fans interested in some x reader stuff? Maybe some Yandere JJBA x reader? >:). I don’t mind whether it’s just little one shots or longer multipart stories, it’s my current hyperfixation so I’m so down. I do have an idea for a much longer story that would go through all the parts with the same Y/N (ya know some reincarnation shenanigans) where the Y/N is aware of what happens and is trying to prevent the deaths the best she can, she may or may not have some extra powers to help her out as well but shhhh. Idk would anyone be interested in that. As per usual with me it would be a yandere story (I don’t and never will endorse IRL but in fiction it heals my abandonment issues ok don’t kill me-) and the updates would happen as I watch and go along with the anime. This would basically be a harem type thing. I am going to have a poll under the read more for some of the things about the Y/N character/reincarnations, if it gets enough votes I’d start writing once the poll ends. Anyways thanks for reading my jabbering.

I think all of these ideas for Y/N and her powers would lead to a fun story. Now MINORS THIS ISN’T FOR YOU I’d hope that no minors are on my page anyways but I’ll say it here- this story would/will contain smut/sexual content and Yandere behaviour, none of which is ok for anyone under 16, so MDNI.

Also a further note, for main characters who are already in a relationship, I won’t be vilifying their other halves but just saying they never got together. For characters that need to, where they have kids that are main characters later, they either would have divorced/split up or had them through a one night stand. The characters will probably already be written somewhat out of character due to the Yandere nature of the story so I’ll try and stay as accurate as I can.

(Not spelling or grammar checked- can’t be asked sorry guys)

[strawwritesfic]

hey, i saw that you are republishing your project 'Brightest' and i wanted to ask some question because if i remember correctly when i started read the oldest one i was mad at tony because tony was so careless and heartless about ' y/n' ( I was so upset :/ ) Then I started to read the newest one and tony is much nicer and considerate towards 'y/n' just wanted to ask you edited the chapters or not? btw have a good day :)

(Apologies if my answer is nonsense; I have a terrible migraine this morning and I feel like I'm going to die.)

I'm not really sure I understand your question well enough to answer it.

I do apologize for making you angry with my Tony. As I've said to many people before, I don't feel like I write Tony very well when he's the romantic focus of a story. I feel like I can only write him decently when he's a side character.

I have done minor edits to the story, in that I've read through the older chapters and tried to fix spelling and grammar issues. I have not gone through and attempted to fix anything major.

Tony is nicer in later chapters by design--both intentionally and unintentionally. I am attempting to do some damage control by correcting him, as well as having planned to make him kinder toward the reader as their relationship develops, just as the reader gets more confident as their relationship develops. It's been built-in from the start. This is Tony with only two movies of character development under his belt.

Not that that necessarily excuses the extremes I went to at the beginning. The notes on the master list point out the characters act like horny teenagers instead of grown adults for a reason. I think part of the problem is that I originally planned to have this story span a much longer period of time, including Tony and Justin and the reader's childhoods, and Tony was a real jerk to the reader when they were kids. When I cut all that, I didn't do a super great job at adjusting the level of kindness they showed to each other.

Again, if I were to rewrite this story from the ground up, there's a lot I'd do differently. But I've got too much going on to go around rewriting stories I started last decade, so the best I can do is work with what I've got.

I don't know if any of this answers your question or not.

You have a good day too.

[sxlvxtion-lost]

// Hey guys so this is guna be a lil scary psa so I might actually put a warning in tags for certain people and I also hope that if you find certain content uncomfortable I apologize and for those that don’t want to read then a real quick thing is that I have not been feeling very well and have been having really bad headaches and trying to get better.

And now I’ll go on into greater detail on that below. But please be warned some of this may be uncomfortable for others. I Wish I could say something nice and sugar coat it but this is a very real and scary situation for me.

Firstly let me state that atm I’m ok but very scared and concerned.

I’ll also start off with the fact that since 2013 I have been suffering from a condition called Cluster Headaches. A much more better known name is Suicide headaches so thats why this here is in a sensitive category. So if you don’t want to know anymore then maybe just turn away for now.

Every second year I get these headaches, they usually start during the winter time which for us is in June. These headaches have a weird pattern, they came every second year and on every second day and eventually become so painful that the headaches begin to overlap one another and start to become a daily thing.

If you are not away of what a cluster headache is then I suggest you google it. Its very painful and is’t a migraine or a simple headache. The pain is so extreme I dont have words to describe it. in 2013, 2015 and also 2017 I have not had a doctor that has helped me. In fact one doctor gave me so much medication I almost od due to it because the medication wasn’t helping at all and the doctor thought the more I take the better I will be. Wrong and bad doctor obviously.

The only other way I have copped with these headaches is by smashing my head against a wall, thrashing around or smashing my head on a tilted or cement ground. Its not pretty and its not something you want to imagine a person doing. Besides that I Would thrash around in bed like someone thats mentally unstable. These headaches have a duration of 60 mins of intense wave like pain that comes and gos and its so bad that you quiet often contemplate ending things right then and there. THats how sever the pain is.

This year is different and its very scary. Not only is the pain so intense but I’m also getting more then one a day. Theres no pattern to these headaches and worse of all they are affecting more then just my head. They are affecting the shoulder/neck area and also my left arm which is quiet concerning as you can imagine. My new doctor is thankfully on the ball and has had me have an ecg test. It seems to have come back fine but I still need to have an optometrist look at my eye because my left eye, as its my left side thats affected by these clusters, goes really weird as the pupil becomes so tiny you almost can’t see it.

I’m on medication which is helping me but I’ve had three of these headaches today which have not been very nice and I feel are causing damage to my eye big time as its so intense and too common. I’m really worried because of the affect it can have on me and also because work is asking so much of me too. I dont think they would understand if I asked for pcl without a proper acknowledgement of whats going on with me. Also I dont have the flu or anything like that so nobody knows what triggered this cluster this year.

What I want you all to know is that atm I’m ok, I am shit scared but I’m trying to keep things under control. If I sit down and relax and don’t talk or move much, because it seems that this is a nerve or muscle issue, then I can manage to deal with the pain for the next 60 odd minutes or so.

But in saying that, there will be times I’ll just disappear and not reply to anyone at all and this here is why. I’m not ignoring anyone, I’m just in a bad position with a bad condition that is far too stubborn to deal with. Also I may get a little odd and yo may notice some weird spelling or grammar issues more then usual. Super sorry about that. But I’m going to try and take things as easy as I can. I know its not what people want to hear the moment Johns come back and he’s ready to rumble but I just want people to know whats going on and keep you all up to date. Hopefully  on Tuesday when I get to see my eye doctor I can hopefully have some form of an answer to this pain and what may be causing it and hopefully with my gp on the ball I can have this solved. Even if it means I still have to deal with these for the rest of my life, just as long as I can find the right medication to start taking, that would be super good.

[esteliensmainblog]

I just need to complain.  Today was mostly a really crappy day and I haven’t stopped to complain about it yet and it’s stressing me out because all the things keep running through my head.  It wasn’t even that awful, just annoying.

While typing this, it’s red-squiggly-underlining EVERY word I type until I get to the end of the word.  Definition.  Of.  Irritating.

Over the summer, I was used to sleeping about 12 hours per night, and now that school (work) has started again, I’m down to more like 8 hours.  That absolutely should be enough, but I’m so tired that I can hardly get up in the mornings.  Part of that is just having insanely vivid dreams (multiple per night, every night) and waking up sort of disoriented.  So I’m probably going to have to start going to bed super early so that I can get to work on time.   I was supposed to get up at 5:30 this morning and leave around 7:05, but I woke up at 7.

I hurried and was nearly ready to leave at 7:15, but as I did my makeup, I looked in the mirror and saw (and felt) a big, black spider (wolf? parson? idk) run (FAST) up the side of my NECK.  I freaked out and was dancing around trying to get rid of it, shaking out my hair (the biggest downside of long, curly hair is that things can hide in it), but couldn’t find it.  I assumed it was probably gone, but was still terrified.  A couple minutes later, it ran DOWN my leg from under my skirt.  I managed to kill it once it was on the floor.  Absolutely horrifying.  I don’t know if it bit me, but I was freaked out enough that I gave up on trying to be on time for work.  Did my eyeliner while driving and it went about as well as expected.  Badly.  It went badly.

When I leave a few minutes late for work, the traffic is awwwwwful.  And there was construction too, so I had to sit and wait for a long time.  So I didn’t get to work til 7:58 (supposed to be there for devotions at 7:45, so I missed that entirely), and I had to be at the other end of the building for bus duty at 7:59.  Threw my stuff in my room and ran to bus duty.  That mostly went smoothly, until this one parent got there.  It’s pretty straightforward how dropping off your kids at the school works.  Buses go to one parking lot, parents just dropping kids off at the door go to the other parking lot and line up, parents who want to walk their kids in park somewhere and walk to the office.  Easy peasy.  But for the second time, this mom drove into the bus line and tried to get her kids in that door.  So for the second time, I had to explain to her to go in the office door.  She was not happy.  It’s very not my problem (I don’t even get paid to do bus duty) and I don’t enjoy the attitude.

As always, I had to run from that end of the building back to my building (my room is about as far away from the buses as possible - it’s very very far) for my first period class.  Why they assigned this duty to someone with a first period class is beyond me.  Why not have the librarian (who is 20 feet from the door) do it?  So my first class always starts late.  I can just barely get there in time for it to start, but then have to turn on the computer, take attendance, and just generally get organized and catch my breath.  Classes are so short - I hate wasting time like that.

School was fine overall.  Classes all went smoothly.  French 3 wanted to learn about Mount St Michel (which is one of my favorite places in France), so we checked it out on Google Maps Street View and talked about it and one of the kids played the ukulele.  The seventh graders thought that listening to a grammar song would stink, but ten seconds into it, they were giggling SO hard.  One kid, who’s usually pretty serious, said he weirdly liked the grammar songs we were listening to and didn’t want class to end.  It’s always a little victory when the kids enjoy class, even if it’s something silly like Grammaropolis songs.

But then there was last period.  I was so excited to get to teach a French Exploratory elective for 7th-8th graders this year (for the first time) and I so wanted it to be good.  Today was the first day of it and... I absolutely BOMBED it.  I was exhausted and couldn’t think straight or say anything that made sense.  Like, I was listing reasons to study French and just couldn’t think of more than three, even though there are TONS and I’ve talked about them so many times before.  There were only three students and they’re all quiet and polite, so as I was just a mental mess (I don’t know how to describe it.. it’s kind of like the brain fog of a migraine? just unable to think or communicate, and wanting nothing more than to take a nap immediately), they all sat silently and stared at me.  Ack.  I needed the first day to go well so they’d tell their friends to join the class. I don’t think that’s gonna happen.  Tomorrow is the second day, too, so somehow, while being this tired, I have to put together a stellar second lesson that’s coherent and organized and fun.

And then after school, I was getting ready for tomorrow.  During the Friday spelling test, I always let the kids listen to music (like not individually but on my computer), and they create the playlist by suggesting songs they like.  Last year, it was a mix of really great music (contemporary Christian songs, Imagine Dragons, upbeat pop stuff) and silly songs (memes and Jacob Sartorius).  This year, I’ve only been able to add 3 of the songs they suggested so far: two Christian songs and... Baby by Justin Bieber.  That one I added very reluctantly, and it’s probably a joke.  The rest they suggested are VERY inappropriate.  I’ve never had that issue before????  So on the suggestion sheet, I marked those songs as not on the playlist and wrote “Y’all need Jesus.”  It was frustrating.  I’m going to just play some Christian music instead.

When I got home, one of my new flip flops broke, so I had to walk through the yard with one shoe on.

The one big positive today was that Chick Fil A left each teacher a card today for a free meal, so I went straight there after work and got a chicken sandwich.  Free food is one of few things that really help after a crappy day.

Another little positive is that not one but two students apologized today for separate things from yesterday.  One had been too noisy in my class and had to sit in the hall, so he promised he’d be good today (and he was! just very giggly!), and another had been upset about the dress code (though I didn’t think what she said was problematic in any way) and apologized for being rude.  They’re such sweet kids.  I guess at the end of the day, that’s the other thing that makes it less crappy.  They’re just all such good kids.

Adding another positive: Watching some Dan and Phil because they are just the best.