#apologies for how grammatically fucked this is i’m out of my adhd meds lmfao

[junkosblunt]

despair sisters hot take // ramble

i know this is an extremely hot take but i love being hot so whatever: the happiest ending for mukuro ikusaba in the IF universe would be her reuniting with junko and the two of them subsequently working to mend their relationship. i feel like no matter what happens, junko will always be the person who matters most to mukuro, as tragic as that seems. i don’t think she’d ever be able to view living without junko as a relief or a freedom. to her, it’d feel like a punishment or an exile, a waking nightmare she’d be forced to build all sorts of walls around and deny because she wouldn’t be able to bear the idea of junko truly being out of her life for good. for mukuro, living without her twin sister would feel like being torn in half, and she’d find herself endlessly and franticly attempting to mend that relationship and reconnect. she’d desperately be seeking out that reunification to the point where it’d get in the way of any other connections she tried to make—not to the point necessarily where she couldn’t have those connections, but to the point where those connections would be strained and fucked up and junko would somehow always be at the center of that.

so mukuro’s ideal path would be getting junko to tolerate showing her love in a way that made her feel loved, made her feel needed. if she had that unconditional, impenetrable sense of belonging and connection that i imagine the two of them had together as children, she’d finally be able to breathe. she’d be set free from this constant longing to be loved by junko by any means necessary, which would then allow her to focus on other things in life.

like if their relationship were able to become something safe and certain and claustrophobically intimate again, to return to being her home, i think she’d feel emotionally secure enough (or even just whole enough) to comfortably seek out relationships and personal ambitions unrelated to junko. she’d be able to go after the things she wanted knowing that she had the one thing she needed—her sister.

and it tears me apart inside that junko murdered mukuro before that could happen because i truly believe that at some point later in life after her pre-frontal cortex fully developed and with some sort of external force/motivation, junko would’ve eventually chosen mukuro over despair. i really do. if junko had lived long enough, she would’ve let mukuro in and learned to endure how sickeningly safe and fulfilling and right it felt to have that inseparable intimacy and unconditional love with her twin sister. mukuro would’ve learned to truly understand junko and her despair, and the two of them would’ve figured out a way to manage junko’s need for despair that didn’t hurt mukuro. mukuro could’ve been happy and loved and junko could’ve been miserable and loved like they could’ve been toxic and awful TOGETHER as a FAMILY as SISTERS but instead they DIED and that makes me fucking feral.

emotional tangents and gross grammatical errors aside, here’s what i’m trying to say: if you were to ask mukuro ikusaba what she needed to feel whole, she’d say, “my sister” without a moment’s hesitation, regardless of where she was in life.