#apart from the single draft i have im just kinda

[wingspiked]

happy sunday, it's sunday's day. which means you should kiss him and preen his wingies and bring him sweets. thanks.

[coolyiooo]

ok

Please report @m2kitwz for copying my writings and claiming that im the one copying her "work"

^gotta prove that I didn't copy m2kitwz "work"

For the baby scenario, it was requested.

So was the birthday scenario, and ik you didn't write it, but neither did you write the baby scenario

Here's the rough drafts of my writings. They have weird titles but if you look back at the original post on my account, they were posted on the same day and a couple minutes apart bc I was editing them

Here's proof that I also made my own cover of the book. Why would I have the same cover of "your book"? If I truly copied it, that'd be dumb. It was a different cover from back in the day too but here's a screenshot.

It's true that the baby scenario is popular, but why would I wait a month to publish the writing if I could easily copy and paste it (if I truly copied from you) the next day or two weeks?

These are the pics you used to prove that I'm "copying" you, but you also said that you made it private for only you can see it, right? But tell me why the amount/total of reads and stars are different if nobody else can read this book that you apparently made?

❗⚠️❗⚠️❗If you truly wrote my writings....why don't you publicly open the Wattpad book up, that you apparently made, for everyone to read? We can see if the comments are still there and see if they truly add up to what they are responding to. ❗From what I can see here as well is that you have 30 chapters in "your book" while mine has 22...so let's see these 8 other chapters that you have created! But you can't prove it unless you make "your book" public again and it's gotta be in the next couple of 1-3 days bc if you take about two weeks to make it public , we'll believe that you made 8 new chapters during these two weeks, but you have no need to make these 8 chapters if you got it all set and ready to go!❗⚠️❗⚠️❗

Just got proof that your "Wattpad account", 'behind you' , isn't even your account.

❤️🖤"L Take Skill Issue" - Dazai 🖤❤️

Also my Wattpad account was made in Feb 2020. Idk if that's proof but there's that.

Don't know what else to say, but if you did create these writings into Wattpad 2016 why would I copy and paste every single one onto the app, i use to write, and use them until 8 years later? Kinda far fetched

@m2kitwz (the one who's made copies my writings) anymore proof you need, darling? Id happily made a screen recording if you need it too. Idk how you photoshopped it or something to make it look like you wrote my writings in 2016 but that's cool

Also some of these pics are taken by taking a picture of my computer screen

⚠️Edit : Please don't send death threats or anything hateful to my copier 🙏🙏 just report them please ⚠️

[merv606]

Soldier!Terry in Vietnam during the last legs of the war, humming Danny-boy to himself, thinking only of Daniel, the high school boy he left behind when he was drafted. The literal boy-next-door with the big brown eyes, and dark floppy hair, and rabbit teeth who earned some money running errands around their shared shabby apartment complex that last summer. 

Daniel with the sweet smile, bratty temper, and affectionate personality who eventually admitted that he loved Terry, and stood on his tip-toes one night for the kiss that never happened, and left Terry’s apartment broken hearted, rejected.

Because Terry had just been drafted. Because he wasn’t sure he was going to make it back. Because he couldn’t bear to hurt Danny-boy like that. Because Terry couldn’t tell Daniel that he had fallen hard for him even before Daniel realized his own feelings—because Daniel wasn’t even of age, and Terry a good ten years older. Old enough to know better. Old enough to stay away.

But now the war is ending. American soldiers are leaving Vietnam, the final helicopters are departing. Terry hopes to return home to the States very soon, and return to Danny—to tell him that he made a mistake, that he was just waiting for him to grow up some. That he wants Daniel to be his in every way.

He only hopes that his boy will still want him, might still be waiting for him—though Terry hasn’t heard from him in over a year.

(Yeah, angsty but of course with a happy ending because im a soft loser) Bonus if Terry is Daniel’s first in allll ways so he can go feral <3

“Don’t tell me,” Terry lowly teases after they break apart, propping Daniel’s chin up with his fingers, “that I was your first kiss? That no one else has kissed this mouth,” he traces Daniel’s reddened mouth lightly, “before me?”

Daniel colors, but continues to look up at Terry, determined. Honest. “No. You’re the first.”

Terry’s breath catches at that. What? His fingers tighten on Daniel’s jaw. Could it be...

Daniel swallows, his voice dropping even as his color rises. “...There was a girl in my senior year, Jessica. We became real good friends. I kinda thought I liked her, thought we could go to Prom together, maybe go steady—but she had a boyfriend, and I had a soldier I couldn’t get outta my head. I hoped that you would...wanted you to...Terry?” His voice climbs up again, higher, a little louder. Frightened? No, Danny didn’t get frightened. Nervous? But—

“Is that okay?” Daniel asks, clearly worried that it wouldn’t be okay. That Terry wouldn’t be okay with being his first in every single way. That Terry would somehow have a problem that no one else had ever touched Daniel before him. Terry lets out a shaky laugh. Was the boy insane? 

“More than okay,” Terry says in a moment, his voice slightly rougher. He pulls Daniel in tightly, so much so that the boy whimpers, his thin little body trapped in Terry’s arms.

To be the first one, the last one, the only one who will have Daniel; to know that no one ever will touch my boy but me Terry thinks heatedly to himself. And then he leans down to claim what’s always been his—and now always will be. 

Gross sobbing in the distance - ugly crying.

LISTEN HERE NOW!!!!

I sat on this and sat on this and I wasn’t going to add anything - honestly felt like I’d ruin it if I did.

But, I also do so love super soft landings, so this is going to be sooooooo soft (and maybe I’m also using that sex scene in EF as inspiration)

I’m talking Charmin triple ply soft.

Of course - cause I’m a sucker for a man in uniform, and because there really needs to be more Terry in uniform and Daniel going feral for it - let’s say he goes over to Daniel’s right away, still in uniform.

Very long and so very NSFW

He goes over to Daniel’s right after the obligatory conversation with his father about how, now that he’s back, he will be back to working for the family business, where he will eventually take over as per the original plan; before Terry had refused to let his dad get him out of being drafted, before everything - a lifetime ago now. They’re both going to try their damned hardest to pretend the war didn’t happen.

“Was there anyone for you…” he starts, biting his lip, afraid to bring up Terry being over there, away from him, going through god knows what, “while you were over there.”

He doesn’t want to think about Terry being over there - away from him - going through things he could not even begin to imagine. He’s seen soldiers return, some physically fine, most not, but neither really whole.

There was one. A boy with dark skin, and big brown eyes and thick dark hair. Terry thought if he closed his eyes he could imagine, just for a moment, but there was no fooling his heart. It was the only time, and it only cemented what he felt for Daniel and how stupid he had been and how it made him determined to return home, to make it right. Daniel will never know though.

“I guess I was waiting too,” is how he answers.

Daniel goes up on his tip toes, sloppily licking into Terry’s mouth. He is unpractised but, clearly eager and willing.

He gathers the smaller boy in his arms, thin legs wrapping around his waist.

“You’re shaking,” Terry says softly, his lips moving softly against Daniel, their faces are so close.

“I don’t know why,” Daniel breathes back.

Terry’s hand cradles his face.

“You don’t need to be scared. I’m not going to hurt you. You must know that.”

“I know Terry. I do, I’m not scared.” He presses their foreheads together. “Well, not of you.”

“What of then?”

“What if I’m not worth the wait? What if I disappoint…..”

“Oh sweetheart,” Terry starts, effectively cutting him off. He can’t stand to hear anymore. “You could never disappoint me. Daniel, you kept me going. There were times when I …..” he stops, his voice caught in his throat as he swallows around the lump forming. “But knowing you were home, knowing that I may have a chance to make it right, a chance to …… I did everything to make sure I could come home, to you.”

Daniel crashes their lips together then.

Slowly, with a strong arm wrapped around a narrow back, his legs still griping tight, Terry bends over the bed, lowering them both down to it.

Daniel only breaks the kiss when his back feels the softness of the bed.

“So, if no one has touched you here…..” and he nips at those kiss swollen lips, as he brings a ham dip to grip the bottom of Daniel’s thigh, hoisting it up. “Then no one has touched you here,” his finger ghosts over the entrance to his body.

“No,” but he breaks off to cry out as Terry applies pressure tip of his fingers going to the soft centre, feeling his hole yield ever so slightly.

“You like it though,” he asks, as he withdraws his fingers to get them wet, coating them on his own saliva before returning them back to where Daniel so clearly wants them, if the squirming and the whimpers are any indication.

“I would use my own fingers,” he says, looking anywhere but at Terry. “I used to pretend it was you ….. and I had that picture of you in your uniform that you sent……”

Terry stills his fingers, forehead touching Daniel’s as he closes his eyes, breathing both slowly and steadily. The image of Daniel fingering himself while thinking if Terry, wishing it was Terry, has the older man calling on every ounce of control he has not to flip Daniel over and just push inside. He’ll give them both what they need, of that there is no doubt, but he promised he wouldn’t hurt Daniel, and he intends to keep that promise no matter what.

“Is…. Is that okay,” he asks, his inexperience showing as he mistakes Terry’s sudden stopping for displeasure at the admission when it’s the complete opposite.

“More than okay,” and his voice is rough and low, Daniel looking him straight in the eye now.

“Will ….. will you put yours inside me?” he asks. “Please. I need to know what it feels like. I want to know if it’s better than I imagined …..”

Terry curses under his breath. Who would have thought he’d make it through the war only to die like this.

“What did you use?” he asks. “To ease the way.”

Daniel reaches out in the direction of his worm down bed side table, old and clearly having seen better days. His arms can’t reach all the way though, and Terry is making no sign to let him up; he’s never going to let him go for anything.

Terry stretches out over him instead, and opens the drawer, the table rocking on it’s wobbly legs as he does so, hand feeling around until it hits a tin of something. Turns out to be a small ton of Vaseline and Terry quirks an eyebrow at the fact that it’s mostly empty.

Daniel’s face glows scarlet.

Terry divests Daniel of his clothes first, before sitting back slightly, making sure his weight isn’t pressing into the much smaller body, as he removes his own uniform jacket. Fingers clumsy with need, he wrenches his shirt open and he hears a few buttons go flying.

Daniel reaches up, running his hands over the older man’s defined chest and abs.

Skin to skin now, Terry’s body eclipses Daniel’s as he goes back to kissing him, before he focuses his attention on Daniel’s flat chest, tongue leaving over the two small brown nipples until they’re hard under his tongue as Daniel presses his chest insistently against his mouth.

He presses his crotch into the body trapped under him, letting Daniel feel his need, and feeling that Daniel’s own is just as hard.

Terry grips Daniel high up on his upper arm, pressing his thumb into the underside, as he pushes it up over Daniel’s head, hand slowly trailing up his arm until he reaches the delicate wrists, his hand encompasses it easily, as he pins him to the bed, rocking into Daniel, their cocks trapped between them.

Daniel bites Terry’s lip as he moans, pressing his head into the bed, arching up as much as he can under the larger body.

And that is just too tempting, Terry thinks as he licks up the cords of Daniel’s slender neck as he statins, biting and sucking large bruises into the unmarked olive skin.

Daniel blindly seeks out Terry’s lips, wanting more.

“Rolls over on your stomach for me.”

Daniel is a bit puzzled. He would always just plant a foot flat on the bed and finger himself like that.

Still, he does as he’s told, rolling to his stomach, trusting the older man completely.

Terry takes in the unbroken line of a narrow back, lips itching to trail down the knobs of his spin, tasting the warm smooth skin.

When he reaches the small of Daniel back, he uses his thumbs to spread his cheeks, breath ghosting the tiny hole hidden there.

A quick kiss to both cheeks and a small little questioning, “Terry?” before Terry licks over the prize.

Daniel screeches, hands clawing at the sheets as Terry repeats the action, eating him out until the hole is loose with spit and more pliable to his finger when he returns them back to their prize.

Daniel is whimpering, breath coming in short gaps, tiny mewls of pleasure.

When he’s had his fill, for now, he kisses back up his spine.

A finger, thick and long, coated in Vaseline, presses against his hole, flesh opening up beautifully, walls yielding to the questing digit as Terry pushes in to the first knuckle.

It doesn’t take long for Terry to find what he’s looking for - the little bundle of nerves that will make this all worth it for the smaller body.

Thin hips working back, his boy clearly greedy for it, so Terry teases a second finger against the loosened rim before pressing it in along side the first.

He works two in and out, in and out, slow and steady, hooking them as he drags them out, eventually withdrawing to play with the rim.

Two become three and Daniel bites the pillow as Terry abuses that spot ruthlessly, both their cocks leaking none stop.

“Taking it so well for me. Look so good, sweetheart.”

He can feel Terry smile against him.

“You’re almost ready for me.”

Nuzzling into his neck as his cock slips into the boys cheeks.

“Wait,” Daniel says and Terry stills.

He tries to turn over but Terry stops him with a hand on his hip.

“I want to see your face,” Daniel says quietly.

“It’ll be easier like this. For your first time,” he explains.

“I don’t care …. Terry please I need to see your face.”

A pillow is put under his hips, as Terry places a leg over his shoulder, pressing a quick kiss there.

He lines up, pressing the head inside and Daniel gasps as his feels his entrance stretch open much wider than it had for the three fingers.

“Relax sweetheart. You have to let me in.”

Daniel whimpers, he’s so big. It feels good but also like it’s too much. A tinge of pain amid relentless pressure, sparks of pleasure as his cock presses against his spot.

“I thought about this too. So much, Daniel. You feel so good.”

He feels the pressure ease up on his cock as he rubs a soothing circle on Daniel’s belly. He slides in a few more inches.

“That’s it, just like that.”

Inside all the way, Terry lowers himself, so there is no space between them - neither knowing where the other ends and the other beings. Daniel’s legs come up on either side of Terry.

“That’s it sweetheart. Just breath. Let me make you feel good. This is what you’ve been wanting, all those nights by yourself.”

Terry just rocks in, not even withdrawing and when he does, it’s only a few inches, searching for … Daniel cries out, body clenching down as Terry’s cock brushes over his spot.

Daniel moans, and Terry laces their fingers together as he pins Daniel’s wrist to the bed.

He smiles, now that he has it, he grinds in, in, in.

The sound of the bed creaking mixes with the soft sighs, moans and groans.

Tears leak out of Daniel’s eyes, and Terry’s hand comes up to bracket him in, as he buries his face into Daniel’s neck, lower half working.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Daniel lowly chants as blunt nails dig into a broad back.

Terry wraps a hand around his cock right as he fucks in, right where Daniel needs it, and he comes, those nails racking up his back as his body clamps down on the thick length inside him.

He no longer has the strength to keep his legs pressed to Terry’s side and his legs fall open wider now as Terry snaps his hips, chasing his own release now, and one two sharp thrust into the even tighter embrace of Daniel’s body and he comes, pushing is as deep as he can, to fill Daniel.

He whines as Terry slowly pulls out, and Terry shushes him.

Examining the small hole for damage, it’s red and swollen, to be expected, and he hisses slightly, clearly sore, when Terry presses a quick finger inside to check, to make sure, relieved when it comes back wet with only his cum.

He gets a warm cloth and cleans him up, smearing vaseline around his entrance.

He grabs an Advil and helps him sit up to swallow it down, bringing the cold glass of water to his lips.

Maybe later on they can exchange blowjobs. It’ll be a few days at least before he takes him again.

But they’re both satisfied for now, and he gathers Daniel into his arms, and covers them both in a blanket.

Everything he went through - they both did - was worth it for this.

It’s also the first time in years that the ghosts of war leave him be.

[vigilvntes]

AHHH!!! uncle batman/bruce! love it. for one, btw, I do agree that there'd be NO TRYING of a baby between hero!reader and dano!riddler. their dynamic is so chaotic and there wouldn't be any domestic life atm anytime soon but....eventually a baby comes in the oven lol. because....surprise!

anyway, back to uncle batman/bruce. so I feel like when Edward isnt around whether he's back at arkham or he's just doing something (idk if it'd be normal but it'd be SOMETHING lol) , bruce comes in as himself to visit the kids and that just brings out a bit of his soft side because kids! but also their a close friend of his' kids and he's a little soft about it. 🥺💜🥺💜

now! when it's uncle batman, that's a whole other level. I mean, the kids have batman as an uncle. y/n's over the moon with it because she's like YEAAA! my kids have batman as an uncle, deal with it. she's a bit of a bagger with it lol. but then lil ol' edward shows up. at first, y/n just tries to talk Edward through the fact that batman is their kids uncle but just right says it too like "btw Eddie, batman is the kids uncle!" and Eddie's all like "EXCUSE ME 😡" all salty and everything. and I know he'd also like to keep certain things about his own children's life because, despite being a bit chaotic, he does have the brains of acknowledging privacy but there'd be a certain moment of him just ranting to his stream like "NO NO NO, u guys dont understand!!! batman is an uncle.....AHHHHH!!!" lol. y/n's in the corner with one of the kids going "we're just gonna let daddy be, he's....yea."

at the end of the day bruce/batman is great uncle! also, could u imagine how awkward it would be if y/n just had invited him over for dinner with the kids (he'd be himself of course, bruce) and Edward's like "heyyyy....that dudes apart of my riddles" and y/n's like "dont even start, let's have a peaceful dinner with the kids and bruce EDDIE." she'd be gripping the tables lol. oh! and speaking of stuff like that too, I volunteer for alfred to be a babysitter for her kids here and there! he'd also have the softest spot for them. like, I love alfred and just seeing him be an adorable babysitter is everything!!! maybe she and edward have something to so or it's one of those "fight crime towards one another til one of us wins" type situations and she just brings the kids over to alfred. alfred's all happy about and everything!!!

-❔

HELLO MY BELOVED IM SO SORRY ITS TAKEN ME SO LONG TO GET AROUND TO RESPONDING 🫠 i've been kinda caught up in writing requests / some of my own stuff this week and this has been sat in my drafts for so long for no reason like???? so i apologise but im here now we move let's go

no because like uncle bruce has my heart <33 like he'd definitely be the fun uncle, but like ,,, quietly fun. so he's not bounding into the house and being all loud trying to make them laugh, his fun would be very subtle. it's all in his eyes and his facial expressions. like if she asked the kids to do something, he'd pull a face or something or he'd turn to them and widen his eyes in offence and it'd make them laugh. and i just know that if the kids want anything, and reader tells them no or to just hold on a sec, they'd go straight to uncle bruce because they know he'll say yes or do it immediately because he's a big softie. she'd definitely have to have so many conversations with him about how to say no to children and how to not bend to their every whim but he can't help it because they're adorable and he loves them. and i just know he'd be coming in with the best gifts. i feel like he would always kinda panic bc he doesn't really KNOW how to interact with them bc he doesn't have kids of his own so every single time he'd come with gifts or something but the kids wouldn't even rly care about the gifts bc they love their uncle brucey and they think he's funny so they spend the whole time bothering him, but he loves it. definitely spends a lot of his time walking around with the kids hanging from his arms too, and he's the king of piggyback rides. it'd just be nice for the kids to have someone like him around while their dad is away. bruce isn't trying to take edward's place (and she wouldn't ever let him) but he'll do the fun stuff kids do with their dads until edward gets back.

and PLEASE edward would be so mad about batman being their uncle to begin with like he'd be FUMING about it. he'd be constantly bringing up past beef and trying to provoke him all of the time, but then when batsy doesn't respond because like ? he doesn't care ? that would wind him up even more. and he'd be so jealous of him and the relationship he has with the kids even tho eddie is literally their dad and they adore him everytime batsy comes around and the kids gush over him he'd be in the corner grumbling like "im way cooler anyway" 🙄 and you've got me thinking about how his followers would react to him having a baby with hero!reader and dear lord. i feel like they would be uh. surprised. to say the least. they'd probably definitely call him a simp and there'd be many jokes about how they thought he was a massive virgin like i just know he'd end up ending streams bc of all the teasing and she'd be like dude ,,, come on they're only joking around with you. and if he was ranting on a stream about batman and his followers were like "just kill batman lol" he'd have to be like sighs,,,no i cant do that because (kid's name) would be heartbroken. bc he wouldn't do anything to hurt his babies so he sticks it out. snd omfg imagine his kids knocking on the door while he's streaming and he goes from raging about something or other to just being all soft and lovey asksjdbdbf im crying.

and yes omfg family dinners would be so awkward like i know edward would be SO SALTYYY like so mad and she'd be gripping his thigh under the table like please can we just eat in peace :))))) while bruce is just sat quietly because like i said ,,, he doesn't care. he's there for the kids so like??? but i feel like eventually they'd end up being somewhat civil, not exactly friends but. civil.

and literally alfred would be the babysitter like he'd be babysitting edward and reader's kids and also bruce like 💀💀💀💀 i think he would actually love it so much bc he loves seeing bruce happy and playing with the kids :')))

[trippin-over-my-fandoms]

Let it slip in the @rdrsafehaven discord about my street kid Arthur headcanon, got approval from one (1) person and then this was born (as if I hadn’t already kinda alluded to that in Monsters I’ve Met) so @danger-r-98-5 this is your fault.

Wrote this on my phone in the tumblr app so pls forgive any mistakes.

The Absence of Kindness

Arthur’s life had always been hard. This fact was no less true the day Lyle Morgan had been convicted of his crimes. He was on his own beginning with the days he sat outside the sheriff’s office awaiting his father’s demise, having no mother to turn to as he had lost her years ago. Though, it didn’t feel real until he saw him up on the wooden stand, being tried for the crime of larceny. Until that very morning his father had at least been in a cell just a brick wall away, even if the sheriff wouldn’t let him in to see him.

And he’d been scared before but never as much as he had been that morning as the offenses were read off to the crowd; robbing the bank and making off with five-hundred dollars until caught in the next town over with just over half the money remaining. They were the only crimes this town knew off and Arthur wondered if they would have hung him sooner if they knew of the men he’d killed and how the money had been spent on drink instead of food for his son. And despite the fact of all the horrible things the his father had ever done to him, no matter how many nights he had spent hiding from him when he was drunk or the mornings when he was drug from town to town, or the endless weeks spent with strangers who didn’t care for him, Arthur still feels like crying when he sees him hung. He knows his father is dead and he’s left an orphan, truly and completely alone. He understands that from that moment on he has to be a man if he’s to take care of himself, even if eleven years old is a far cry from the age of manhood.

With his father’s hat too big on his head and a couple of photos tucked into the pocket of the thin coat falling apart at the seems, he’s left to the streets of the town his father had been hung in.

Every single moment was horrible. The days were long and cruel in ways he never could have imagined. Most adults had seen him at the trial and knew he was Lyle Morgan’s child. No matter how pathetic he looked no one trusted him, they expected he’d be a thief just like his father. He didn’t want to be but their lack of pity forced him into it as he wanted nothing more than to live long enough to see the next sunrise.

The nights were almost worse. Darker and colder than he had remembered them being when his father was alive. He’d hide wherever he could from the nightlife who’d prey on easy targets like him. On the nights he was separated from the other stray children who called the town home, he’d cry and pray to the god his mother had believed in, and maybe he did once too, wishing the next day would be better, holding onto the memory of the kindness he’d been shown the day his father got too drunk and a bartender had lead him out the back to play with his dog’s puppies so he wouldn’t see when the law had shown up and thrown his father out.

Arthur didn’t know real kindness again until he was fifteen. Sure, there had been people who tossed a dollar his way or vendors who turned a blind eye when he swiped from their stalls, but it wasn’t the same as this.

He’s taller than he had been when he was eleven though still just as thin and just as frail. Except unlike then he was now more wild. He had to be. As he grew older he was more competition for the others he shared the streets with. The other kids weren’t really friends with him, they weren’t better than the skinny mutts that slept with them at night the way they fought over food and money, the older ones robbing each other blind if they had to. It was like when he turned thirteen the unspoken rule about not going after kids that young was off. So Arthur had learned how to fight, how to kick hard, how to throw a punch that counted, and how to wiggle free of the tight holds of lawmen who tried to intervene.

He’d begun to give up kindness when a sheriff promises to trial him the same as an adult when he’s cut loose from jail after one too many times. He stops trusting anyone afterward and it causes him to build up enough of a tough skin that he constantly watches his back, dark circles appearing under his eyes from light sleep from being afraid he’d be caught when he slept. He doesn’t believe in anything by then. But there’s a man and his parter in fancy clothes who won’t leave him alone until he decides to take the offer and travel with them. Even if it takes months until their kindness sets in and he realizes he can finally sleep without fear. It’s for the first time he’s not so concerned with being a man until he really is of the standard age. All because of Dutch van der Linde and Hosea Matthews make him feel safe for the first time since his mother died.

Arthur hadn’t been shown much kindness as a child and he’s reminded of that whenever he walks the streets of Saint Denis. Even if the city is much bigger than the town he’d fought to survive in, it’s a painful reminder all the same. And no matter how annoying the city’s brats are, they too serve as a reminder of where he came from. He sees them and he knows the fear that hides under the tough exterior they put up, knows that despite their height and scowling faces that they’re still scared children underneath, fighting for their lives at too young and barely making it. They may leer at him from the safety of their ally ways but as he returns the teasing with a harmless one of his own, he drops a few dollars and moves on down the street as if nothing happened. He won’t even look back to make sure they’ve gotten it, knowing that the kind of pride they hold at that age doesn’t respond well to pity. But he doesn’t have to. He knows they pick it up after he leaves when there’s more of them huddled together, young ones peaking at him expectantly with big puppy dog eyes from where they hide behind the taller ones. It’s the only time it’s not hard for him to let go of some money, even if he knows if Dutch ever found out he’d lecture him on how they need it to get out of the country and yet there he was pissing it away on street rats. Except he wasn’t, and Dutch would never know. They’d lived their lives, had grand adventures for decades, these children still had futures. Arthur would never tell anyone but he knew the fear of an orphan left to the streets and he wanted for as many of them as possible to live to be able to see as many sunrises as possible.

- - - 

wrote this last night, left it in the drafts, it is now the next afternoon and idk if i really like it that much but im just gonna post it anyway. also- kinda went rogue from my original concept in the story i linked above but really if i didn’t i would have ended up with the same idea just longer and more in depth and i would have had to go back and add it in somehow. or i would have ended up rewriting it because in that story arthur does move around as opposed to this where he doesn’t.

oh well- here it is anyway.

[my-fall-from-grace]

IM FUCKING SCREAMING YOU HAVE NO IDEA 🫶🫶

ok so idk how much i need to go in detail but i will answer any and all follow up questions do not fret

we sorta ARE the underdogs in the sense They don’t want us to win. reasons include 1) american team and not canadian, no canadian team has won in 25 ish years aka since the director of the nhl gary bettman was made director. plus he is AMERICAN so it’s like a joke at this point that no canadian team will win under him? also oilers had wayne gretzky who was like the schumacher / senna / etc of the nhl and made the oilers into like a legendary team during his time (many stanley cups were won) which then flopped when he left. they drafted 3 first overall picks in like 5 years, all of which were meant to save them. and then they got connor mcdavid, imagine kimi antonelli aka prophesied boy king who’s meant to save us all. he was drafted in 2016 and has won ALL the awards since then apart from the stanley cup - ex, 3 times hart trophy aka mvp of the year award - and this is the FIRST time he’s in the stanley cup finals. so for many it’s the combo of canadian team after so many years + connor mcdavid who “deserves it so much” and is like the best player currently, which makes them the favourites to win. 2) TECHNICALLY the panthers had a better season than the oilers and so we should be the favourites but this is where we need to get into the NARRATIVES. cats had a cinderella story last year in which they made it to the playoffs last year by a single POINT and made it to the finals through miracles - ex, meant to lose against the bruins, were down 3-1 in the series and with 1min30 left and 1 goal down they score push it to overtime and win the game and then the next couple to win the series. like every team they played, it was said they’d be DESTROYED. but the cinderella story / power of love narrative preserved and they made it to the finals (which we won’t talk about, fuck the golden knights). and then this year they finished 1st in the atlantic division (oilers were 2nd in the pacific) and were actually the favourites to win the cup for a while this season, but ofc the cats LOVE their narratives. so we have our coach paul maurice out here saying “it’s been a tough battle” etc and our naughty little shit stirrer matthew tkachuk has also been gaslighting the media like CRAZY to ensure everyone considers us the poor little meow meows. we perform best as the underdogs so we are in spirit always the underdogs. 3) speaking of matthew tkachuk i need to mention the battle of alberta super fast and mattdrai. basically he used to play for the calgary flames so depending on your knowledge of canadian geography you’re aware edmonton and calgary are right next to each other, meaning they have been RIVALS historically. rivalry kinda died for a little while but then matty was drafted in 2017 and decided lol let’s reignite that shit. so that became like THE battle that everyone was talking about for years and has spiralled into some infamous rivalries, one which includes draisaitl and matthew which is also one of the nhl’s most popular enemies to lovers ships, think carcar. matty is also an instigator esp in his youth, aka the type of player that annoys people into messing up and drawing penalties while getting off scot free, which leads to power play aka 5 on 4 and a good chance to get a goal. this has made him GENERALLY unpopular unless he plays for your team so there’s a good chance most people are rooting against us just because of him. but don’t fret, the hate just makes us stronger 💅 also 4) i cannot forget that this would be the first stanley cup in franchise history for the panthers!! florida hockey, esp the cats, has been low-key a joke for many many years. but now we are in the finals hehe. but truly i cannot understate how much some people don’t want a FLORIDA team to win the ice sport

other important mentions:

- sasha is our captain, we love him and he won the selke trophy this year aka he’s a good two way player / offence and defense. we shall tolerate no disrespect to him

- bobby deserves the world he is our goalie and we love him to pieces. anything happens near him? we fight 🫡 him and matty are kissing in the locker room during all breaks. 2 time vezina trophy winner aka the goalie award. you can trust him w your life dw

- other honourable mentions: reino was our top goal scorer during the season and he’s a legend who always comes through (he’s on a contract year tho and im grieving). carter has been a playoff PERFORMER recently and he’s always there when you need him. ekblad is a long time panther who we love love and he deserves it, one of our defense. i want to add more to this but i don’t have the time unfortunately but just know i shall return!

some generally useful knowledge:

- comeback cats is a thing so do not stress if we seem to be flopping. we looooove our drama and they love torturing the fans so they shall play dead at points. it’s annoying

- oilers played INJURED teams during the playoffs while we had goalie battles recently against like the best goalies in the game so… i hope you can see what i’m putting down regarding the chances of each team

- oilers have the best power play, aka when panthers are in the penalty box and it’s a 5 on 4. they have crazyyyy percentages here but we do have a pretty good defense (aka penalty kill) so do not stress too much. in general oilers are so good at offence esp since mcdavid is one of the fastest players in the league and can basically teleport to the goal very quickly. but trust in our defence 🙏

- also we ALWAYS hate the refs. they’re ALWAYS against us. even if they’re with us, they’re against us

also truly logan 🫶 hope he’s found a safe place in canada to cheer for his team

@my-fall-from-grace i’m watching the stanley cup finals rn go cats? (pls explain what’s happening r we underdogs?)

[hystericalweenie]

Just Another Day at the Office - The Sexperiment

George MacKay x Reader Series

Part Five: Make It or Break It

Masterlist

Summary: Y/f/n Y/l/n is doing better than ever; she’s finally in a relationship with the man she’s been constantly thinking about, she has some great friends, and she’s thriving at her dream job. Except, there’s one problem: being in a relationship with one of your coworkers can get really steamy, and can cause a lot of sexual frustration. Her new pitch idea may solve exactly that problem, but will George be okay with it?

a/n: I have absolutely no personal experience in magazine/journalism career, so the information in this fic will be provided with the knowledge I have conducted from research. With that being said, please don’t be mad if this is not accurate!!! **“The Sexperiment” is inspired by an actual Cosmopolitan article (here’s the link!) IM SO SORRY FOR BEING GONE SO LONG I’m here to finish this shit once and for all... I know it’s been a while, but I hold this series so close to my heart and I still have the same love for it as I did when I wrote my last chapter (I know it’s only been a few months but STILL) if you’re reading this, I just want to thank you for sticking around, you’re the best <3

Warnings: This is a slow burn fic, their relationship won’t happen in one night, so if you’re not into that, check out some of the beautifully written imagines that you can most likely find under the george mackay x reader tag. I might eventually write some of my own too :P At least one person’s saying “fuck” and there’s NSFW content..aka smut. You have been warned. Also angst :/ srry this is kinda short

I was in the worst possible situation I could have ever imagined: I had to choose between my dream job and my dream man.

Bree arrived home about twenty minutes later by herself. My bedroom door creaked open, signaling her arrival. She frowned at my appearance, which seemed to be mascara smudged all over my eyes and cheeks and swollen, bloodshot eyes.

She sat down beside me, pulling me into her. “Y/n, I am so, so, sorry.”

I let out a croaked sigh, “I-it’s fine, he was going t-to find out eventually.”

“I’m sure he’ll come around,” she rubbed my back soothingly. “I think he’s in love with you.”

“It doesn't matter if he’s in love or not!” I exclaimed, pulling out of her embrace, my emotions arising again. “He’ll never forgive me for this.”

Hot tears began to stream down my face and I felt my bottom lip tremble. Bree took it as a cue to leave me be, so she quietly exited to her own bedroom.

What the fuck was I going to do?

This job was the job I’d been looking for my entire life; it was the job I’d dreamed about working at. 

But, George... 

George was everything. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that George would have ever fucked up the way I did. I wouldn’t ever have to question his loyalty, he’d proven to be trustworthy and honest. He treated me like a princess, a way I’d only ever been treated by my father. I wasn’t sure if I’d hurt more without him or without a job. He never failed to make me smile or laugh, and he’d ensure that I always felt safe. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever fall in love again, until I met him.

I could get a job anywhere, but there was only one George MacKay.

I had to delete the article.

I headed to the kitchen and made myself two cups of coffee before cracking my knuckles and getting to work. 

Dean, 

This is an emergency. If you don’t reply now or tomorrow, I’m going to be in deep, deep shit.

I didn't have time to wait for his response; I got right to work. 

What are people into nowadays, I thought to myself. Sex.

Ping. I clicked on my email.

Y/n,

What? 

Well, anything’s better than the fucking Sexperiment article. 

Dean,

I have to write a new article. George found out. BAD. Can’t release it, I have to fix this.

Also, would you say your penis size relates to your shoe size at all? It’s for the article.

Promise!

Well, I thought, here goes nothing. My fingers began typing immediately. The caffeine made my fingers shake slightly, but I was determined to write anything. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get George back, but I knew I had to. This was a start, at least. 

Ping.

Y/n,

Knew that was going to happen. I’ll help you out, but you owe me. Can we do this tomorrow though? It’s Friday night. Uhhh and to ur other question: I don’t think so. Not going to elaborate more than that. Hope that’s good enough.

I rolled my eyes.

Dean,

Fine. I’ll send you my drafts and you better respond as soon as you can.

I prayed to every possible higher power that this would work. I began conducting research, reading articles and articles about the relationship between the size of a man’s penis and the size of a man’s feet. I wrote down statistics, quotes, and scientific evidence–making sure to exclude any personal experience. I spent hours explaining the theory and science behind it and citing every single quote.

I wasn’t sure exactly what was going to happen, but I prayed that Connie wouldn’t be too pissed at me and George would hopefully see how genuinely sorry I was. I knew I’d fucked up, I got too caught up in trying to impress my boss that I practically sabotaged my own relationship in the process. I hadn’t received a single text message or call from him. I missed the way he smelt of sandalwood and vanilla, I missed entangling my fingers in his soft, sandy locks. I missed the way his skin felt against mine and his velvety voice when he called me “love”.

Tears ran down my cheeks once again as these memories lingered in my head. I stared at my computer screen, my eyelids drooping; I needed a break. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, so I decided that I was going to be entirely committed on staying up all night. Making a sandwich for myself, I sat and watched television for a moment, attempting to distract me from my obvious thoughts. And once I felt slightly more energized, I resumed reading articles, highlighting quotes, and writing. I continued this until Bree woke up, yawning as she swung her bedroom door open.

“Jesus, Y/n,” she observed, my figure at the kitchen table still hunched over, staring at my screen. “Were you up all night?”

“Yeah,” my voice was raspy from exhaustion. “There’s a pot of coffee waiting for you.”

She smiled softly, walking behind me and wrapping her arms around me. “All couples fight, you know.”

I sighed, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore; I need to get this article done.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You’re writing a new article?”

“Of course I am,” I defended, my eyes not leaving my screen. 

She poured herself a cup of the hot liquid.

“You love him.”

My eyes began to water and I fought to blink it away.

“Damn right I do,” I muttered to myself, though I was sure she heard me.

After finishing the draft of the article, I sent it over to Dean. Bree suggested that we go see our friends to distract me, but I wanted to stay home. I needed to write the final draft, and see George...both as soon as possible. Bree stayed around to make sure I’d be okay, watching television with me until Dean responded back with the edits. Once he finally did, I was rewriting the article and using his edits to perfect it. Once I’d finally finished it for Monday, I shut my laptop, grabbed my keys, and began driving to his house.

After parking, I climbed up the stairs until I reached his apartment door. I knocked a few times, nerves churning inside my stomach as I pondered all of the possible reactions he’d have. My biggest fear was that he’d never want to see me again. The door opened, revealing himself in a t-shirt and pajama pants, eyes puffy and bloodshot; I was sure my eyes looked the same.

 “I-” I began, letting out a sigh. “I rewrote the article.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“It’s still sex-themed, but it doesn’t have any connection or correlation to you,” I explained, my voice beginning to croak. “I can email it to you, if you’d like. You can read it, see if it’s okay first.”

He shook his head silently. It was apparent that he didn’t know what to say either.

“I know I fucked up,” my voice broke and my bottom lip trembled. “I shouldn’t have come up with an article like that, it was so fucking awful of me to embarrass you in front of your coworkers.”

Tears began to run down my face and I couldn't help but hiccup.

“P-please, George,” I whimpered.

His eyes began to well with tears of his own, and he pulled me into his arms. 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you outside of the restaurant,” he whispered, hugging me close to him.

“Oh, George,” I sobbed. “That was nothing; all you’ve done is treat me like gold, and I nearly exposed our fucking sex life to the world.”

He pulled away, cupping both of my cheeks with his palms, his blue orbs staring into mine, his eyelashes thick from wet tears and the whites of his eyes red.

“Please,” he begged, his voice cracking, “don’t lie, nor do something behind my back ever again.”

I pressed my hands against the backs of his, still holding my face in his palms. 

“Never again,” I confirmed, throwing my arms around him to feel the warm embrace I thought I’d never feel again. I could inhale his scent, hear his heartbeat through his chest, stare into his ocean blue orbs, and feel the soft sandy curls on his head.

He read the article, and though it made him slightly uncomfortable that I was writing about penises, he designed simple art that would make the article pop in the magazine. Then, we laid in his bed for hours, listening to each others heartbeats, listening to our breathing rhythms, staring into each others eyes as if we were silently communicating to one another. 

We decided to take a shower together, stripping each other of our clothes slowly and meaningfully. Once the hot water was running down our bare skin, we washed each other; shampooing each others hair slowly and washing our bodies tenderly, leaving kisses on wet shoulders and necks. Once we got out and dried off, we got back into his bed and maintained a spooning position, his bare torso against my bare back, as we dozed off to the warm, comforting feeling of our bare skin touching. 

Monday morning, I sat down at my desk and sent the new article to Connie, anxiety making me bite my nails as I waited for a response back. 

Ping.

Oh, no, I thought to myself.

Y/n,

Meet me in the conference room with Dean.

Connie

I sighed, exchanging looks with Dean–whom was reading the email over my shoulder–before we made our way to the conference room. She stood, her arms crossed, as we entered the room. I gulped, heart racing and sweat starting to form at my palms. The two of us sat ourselves, waiting for her to begin.

She joined us in a chair across from us, her elbows resting against the table.

“Well?” she began, her voice questioning. “What happened to the article?”

Dean looked at me, waiting for me to speak for myself. I braced myself before talking.

“The Sexperiment article wasn’t working for me, Connie,” I explained nervously, “I wasn’t having much luck writing it, and I wasn’t confident that it’d reach the magazine’s standards.”

I had to lie; I couldn’t tell her that the article nearly jeopardized my relationship. Dean sat next to me, silent.

She sighed, “I hope this one will reach the ‘magazine’s standards’, then,” she mimicked, before standing up and flattening her skirt. “I’ll publish the article, but this is a warning: do not change your article without contacting me first.”

And with that, we were dismissed, panic still swimming in our stomachs. Well, I thought, I chose George over my job; what else was I expecting?

[myfirelight64]

i want to ask what exactly happened w/ kaistal in 2016? i wasn't active in the fandom so apart from my intuition telling me it's weird, idk a single thing.. anyway kaijen is the weirdest shit ever like i've been a fan of sm artists for a really long time and like... i still remember the commotion when sungmin got married. this is just fishy and i literally smell dangerous work behind this i'm honestly kinda worried abt all the idols... anyway happy new year dear!

(sorry I’m so late to this I saved it in drafts and forgot about with with everything coming in today please forgive me TT)

OKAY SO

There had been people shipping kaistal since beginning of time. SM was rumoured to have planned them since debut as a pairing later if they needed a scandal, and had them do a photo shoot + other things (”plants”) to make it more believable when they released it.

They hadn’t planned on releasing it until later, but dispatch released it ‘early’ but the date kaistal’ was on was very badly staged and was easily debunked. The whole thing hurt Kai a lot though, many fans and fansites left him over the news and it caused problems with him and ksoo,,,they all cried a lot. Then they ‘broke up’ in 2017 and everyone gave a big sigh :/

This is a really condensed version of what happened,,,if you search it up you’ll probably find more! It was very weird but it’s all over now, even if some fans linger. Happy new year! ♥

[sunnyupsidedown]

Thoughts On: The Raven Cycle

(Or more appropriately named, Me screaming about my feelings into the void known as the Internet.)

Note: I never actually finished writing this out and editing it so it would be readable. It’s been in my drafts for years and I’m spring cleaning. Here’s me uncensored and with no direction.

Let’s get this out of the way. So if you haven’t read The Raven Cycle Series by Maggie Stiefvater, this is the part where I tell you to put aside all your misgivings and just read it. That is, if you’re like me and the summary didn’t do it for you. If you’re like me and thought that it’s going to be four books about Blue and her harem of boys crying about the fact that she can’t kiss any of them. Let me tell you, you’re wrong. You’re so far from right, you’re in a different galaxy. The summary does the books zero justice. I tried to summarize it better to my roommate and I couldn’t. These books are books you just have to read.

That aside, the rest is below the cut because it’s basically me ranting about anything and everything from the series because I have a lot of feelings.

Spoilers Below

Individual Books - Romance - Characters - Miscellaneous 

The Raven Boys

This book here was basically me asking myself why I didn't read the series sooner. Like the prologue was eh, but the moment Blue implied that she was an amp, I was in. I love shit like that. And then there was chapter two with Gansey being Gansey and then finding out Adam and Ronan do dumb shit together. Yeah. Well. I was doomed. Yes yes the usual, plot was a little slow paced. I kept wondering "man, when are Gansey and Blue gonna meet?" Or "when are they gonna go King hunting?" When they finally did stuff it was great! But I think it was great because the characters are so well established. But I'll rant on that later.

Anyway, actually yeah, getting to know the characters in this book was wow. God damn it's not a fucking competition on who has the worst backstory. My heart cannot take it. I really want to read a prequel about how they all came together. I need details. Everything is so vague (like mentioned in offhand lines) (i.e. Ronan hating Adam at first or how Adam helped Gansey's car (which is pretty solid but give me more conversation)).

Speaking of vague...NOAH! God. Let me be smug for a bit. I figured out the mystery as soon as Barry mentioned being in his mid-20s.

Hints:

"I've been dead for 7 years."

Noah having a first name when everyone calls each other by their last. 

Barry's friend only having a last name.

Boom yeah. Anyway. Noah, my boy. The true mvp, but that rant will come later. "Don't throw this away.” Gosh. End me.

Again speaking of vague. I love and hate Ms. Maggie's style. I love how pretty it is.

Favorite character in this book kept switching between Gansey, Blue, and Adam. Me while reading was basically, Who’s Ronan?

The Dream Thieves

I love that Ronan’s POV was included in this. I stereotype book characters all the time. It’s natural since it helps establish a certain character without having to spell out every single detail. So yeah. I stereotyped Ronan as a punk (true) that was crude (true), rough (half true), and didn’t care about anything (not true). Getting to know Ronan more in this book killed me.

Kavinski was meh. He was a cool kid. Idk why ppl love him so much? Like he was def a cool character. Maybe I read the books too fast to really appreciate him.

Bragging again, I figured out Ronan’s mom was a dream thing from the prologue (though it wasn’t that hard? idk. Matthew was a surprise).

Adam was winning the favorite character battle but now Ronan’s a strong contestant.

Blue Lily, Lily Blue

RONAN HAS WON. HE IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER. Why? The EpiPens! That sealed it. Nothing will be able to trump that. I seriously had to stop reading at that part. It was too much.

I really don’t know what happened in this book. That’s one of the things about the writing (or maybe it was just me reading things too fast) but it was kinda hard to keep track of time. Things that I though happened weeks apart happened on the same day, or things that I thought happened on the same day actually happened weeks away. So it was kinda hard to keep track of events.

TRC & Romance

Before we get to the last book, I just want to put this rant that I started about two chapters into the 4th book because I just love this series so much and I was wondering why.

So typically I’m like “Fuck Romance! Get out of my books and tv shows!” (well, unless I’m specifically looking for it…) but the romance (or relationships in general) in the raven cycle is SO. GOOD.

And here I was wondering why and why and why and I figured it out.

The thing about Romance in YA novels (I say YA because I mainly read YA), is that it feel like it’s a prize for the Main Character to achieve at the end of the book. Like, you battled a bunch of crazy zombies alongside this hot babe you met maybe a week ago, now make out and live happily ever after! Like the Love Interest is only there for the MC to end up dating in the end. Sure they can be important to the plot too but there’s always a focus on “These two will be together in the end. Period.” And I hate it. I guess it’s because I love slow burns and I find it so unrealistic because Love typically doesn’t happen like that.

Like typically, a guy or girl will not walk up to someone and say “You’re hot go out with me.” Well, not unless they want maybe a drink dumped on them. I don’t like how when the MC meets their LI, they stop knowing how to communicate with other human beings. Like haven’t they ever had a normal conversation with another human? Don’t they have friends.

And that’s where I figured it out. Gansey & Blue and Ronan & Adam, they were FRIENDS first.

Well, Adam did ask Blue out kinda…. I’ll get to that later.

But they became friends! It wasn’t all about mantic pixie dream girls/boys. Or the most popular girl/boy in school. Or some rival from an enemy territory. It was a just a bunch of kids looking for a king together.

(Adam and Blue something about including her with the boys, how when the began to know each other it doesn’t work out. and that’s normal. But they still end up friends because they do like each other. And it’s not all suddenly, we’re dating so we now have no other friends/I can no longer think rationally [cough Graceling cough]) Gansey eyeing their hand holding less because “Omg im in love with this chick” and more like “who is this girl invading our group.”

The way the small love triangle between Blue, Adam, and Gansey was so well handled. Like the friendship between Gansey and Adam didn’t suffer (too much…) because they weren’t gonna let something like that ruin it because it was strong.

And then Gansey’s all like “I gotta think of something clever to tell Blue later” and it’s so fucking dumb and sweet and that’s kinda what I do to my friends and they don’t really like like each other but it slowly grows with the night calls and the driving to nowhere and they still fight with each other and it’s all so normal and real that it hurts and I actually look forward to their interactions, not necessarily romantically, but just hanging out. Like I could read chapters of all of them just playing cards or something, doing mundane shit.

Ronan and Adam. Idk because I haven’t gotten that far but apparently in the beginning god sai- in the beginning Ronan hated Adam because Ronan loved Gansey and not really in the romantic way but in the we are friends and I will now DIE FOR YOU, type of love and he was fucking jealous. But now they’re cool and they go do random shit together (like framing a crazy dude). And it’s not all, I like you and now you will magically start liking me back. There was build up to this, like Ronan going back for Adam from his dad, and Ronan paying for Adam’s rent secretly, like Adam actually saying thank you.

Even Blue and Ronan. Like how he doesn’t even think about saving her from falling down a hole. How he cries on here shoulder because he can do it and not be judged. Because they are friends. Even if they do not interact often.

And then there’s Maura and the Gray Man. idk where this one is going.

tl;dr: The complex relationships and romance between the characters in the Raven Cycle are hella good.

The Raven King

Oh my god. I am dead. My soul has been carved from my body. Gansey. My boy. Fucking Noah. God damn.

Let me just say that Adam’s analogy(? metaphor?) of the summer storm and the kiss was so fucking good. I will remember that forever. Like that is probs my favorite passage from the book.

Ronan is so sweet and pure and needs lots of love.

Writing in General

Weird how it skips around. Like there’s a little view in the scene and then suddenly it jumps to a vague conclusion. I like knowing what happens between. I like the clean up shit. But then again if it happened the pacing of the book would have been very weird.

Characters

Gansey: it’s like watching someone slowly learn negative emotions. He started out all innocent and full of ideals and happiness, he just wanted to find his King, and then he learns fear and anger and worry and death. Real life. He’s definitely very grounding. How he steps back occasionally and thinks “God this is so fucked up. This is not okay. I want everybody to be safe.”

Ronan: God. Ronan. This boy. I like how you don’t really think of him as I guess nice. But he’s probably the most human of all. Like his outward appearance is some tough boy who’ll fuck you up, but he’s actually really soft? His words are crude but his actions are caring.

Adam: 😫

Blue: I love her. She’s so fierce and strong and human. How she just rolls with it. Kinda.

[cloudynames]

Ordinary Heroes {5/5}

Everyone, im so excited to announce the final part of Ordinary Heroes! it’s been so fun using yukhei as a muse and let’s support him once NCT China (or NCT Vision) debuts! im sorry this had taken so long, i sprained my ankle :( but happy thanksgiving to all my Americans! i am very thankful for all your support ❤️❤️

Word Count: 2,657

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: angst, fluff, and swearing

let’s get it!

——————-

Life seemed much duller without Lucas. It seemed like nothing had taste or smell or any special characteristics. Living through the motions was what your mother told you. Perhaps you let it slip that you were seeing a boy (much to your father’s dismay) and your mother simply sighed in sympathy. She explained to you that what you felt was love and you got through the day just to get through it while pain and guilt slowly ripped you apart. You thanked her for that horrid description.

But could you feel that strongly for Lucas? You haven’t even thought about love, especially with him. Love is dangerous and cruel. Lucas is dangerous, but not cruel. Having Lucas as a first love made it feel as if the air you breathed in was suffocating you. He was so kind and so unique while you felt below him. Lucas was a prince in your eyes and you were merely a peasant. Missing him became unbearable and your mind started to play games with you.

You thought you saw Lucas a few times. At the coffee shop, you swore you saw him exiting the bathroom with his head down whilst looking at the reflective window across you, but only to whip around and see nobody. You swore you saw him in the chip aisle of the supermarket; only to run down and see a businessman. It was frustrating and it tired you out.

A month passed and you were seated at the coffee shop. You kept sipping on your water whilst looking out the window, expecting Lucas to run in eventually. The coffee shop is where you got things done, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to write about anything. Even staring at the college applications for inspiring superheroes made you feel nothing but emptiness. Forcing yourself to write, you scribbled down notes for an article on the latest fall colors.

Time passed by and you became lost in your article until you heard the familiar ring of a voice.

“No, mom. I’m doing fine in Korea.” Lucas rolled his eyes while speaking in his native tongue.

Your eyes widened at the sight of Lucas and immediately you hid behind the screen of your laptop. However, you weren’t that sneaky and you split the water you had earlier. The glass hit the table (thankfully not shattering) and the water flowed to the circumference of the table.

“Shit!” Muttering a string of curse words, you set your laptop on the seat next to you while cleaning up the mess with a few napkins. Lucas noticed the commotion and instantly became more anxious, telling his mom a quick ‘I love you, bye’ and he ran out the door.

He left without saying a single word to you and when you looked outside the window, he was already long gone.

Distraught, you bunched up your hands into fists and felt tears stinging your eyes. A neat stack of paper towels were set onto the table and you looked up. Taeil, with soft brown eyes and a warm green tea, stared at you with a gentle smile.

“You need this today.” He simply states and walked away.

Taeil lifted some of the weight on your heart, yet Lucas was the only one who could cure all your pain.

———————-

Two weeks flash by in a whirlwind of emotion and soon enough you’re seated at your dream university. One night while illegally drinking away your feelings, you sent in a rough draft of an application. Unsurprisingly, they rejected the application but allowed you to shadow a student for the semester.

Your host, Doyoung, seemed indifferent to you. He rarely talked to you and he occasionally grabbed you by the shoulder to make you move from swarms of students. He was quite studious as well, answering all the questions the teachers offered up. Pondering what his superpower could be, you hear another voice invade your thoughts.

‘I can read minds. Although, your mind is messy. I don’t like peaking into it often.’

Groaning in your hands, you slam your head on the desk in front of you during his second period class.

He chuckles in reply and continues to highlight important notes.

Your thoughts however stayed on the idea of a messy mind. Is everything disorganized in your mind? Your heart seems to jump at the question and quickly answers yes. Biting your lip to stop you from tearing up, it comes like a flood with how much you miss Lucas. You’ve never felt so disconnected with someone you loved and it hurt like hell. No other words can describe how much pain you felt except heartbreak.

Doyoung notices your forming tears and once the bell rings, he stands up and takes you by the hand to the university’s café. Trying to keep up with his pace, you sputter out, “W-Where are we going? I thought you had one last class for the day?”

“Nope, it was cancelled.”

Suddenly, an image pops up in your head. An email saying, ‘class has been cancelled’ before disappearing.

“What the fuck was that, Doyoung?”

“I transferred an image to your head.” He replies.

“Please don’t invade my thoughts…” You whisper.

“I don’t want to. You’re all over the place.” He says, lightly pushing you into the small shop.

Frowning, you watch him order for both of you but you quickly open your mouth to tell him what you want.

“A water. You don’t like tea or coffee all too much. Plus, it’s unhealthy to consume large amounts.” He rattles off, paying the cashier.

A blush forms across your face and you take a seat, soon followed by Doyoung with your treats.

“So, a boy has been killing you huh?” He asks, blowing on his carmel coffee.

You sadly nod, playing with your fingers. The last person you expected to be getting love advice from was studious Doyoung.

“Hey! I’ve had my fair share of lovers. I’m not totally blind.” He grunts, taking a sip of his drink.

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

“As with all things, start from the beginning. How did you two meet?”

With that, two hours fly by quickly. Doyoung listened intently and didn’t interrupt at all, even when his phone was buzzing with calls. He only left one time to get refills. Once you were finished with the story of your life, you hurriedly wiped away your tears. Doyoung gave you a napkin from when he went to get a second coffee. Dabbing at your watering eyes, you stared at him as he offered advice and consolation.

“Honestly, what you did was shitty but you didn’t know. You were too naïve to realize that you were at fault. It’s kinda pathetic how Lucas keeps avoiding you. If he loves you so much, why won’t he chase you down?”

“Because he’s afraid I’ll hurt him again.” You whisper, balling your hands into fists. “He’s right. I’d be scared of myself too.”

Doyoung’s face softens, and he pushes the chocolate slice close to you.

“Don’t be scared. He will come back. He always does.” He says, before taking a sip of his coffee. “Shit!”

Looking at his hand, previously a golden honey color, was now red and irritated.

“Damn, I didn’t put on the cap correctly.” He muttered, cleaning up the coffee on his hand and table.

Before you realize what you were doing, you were already reaching out to grab his hand to put your cold bottled water on his hand.

“That’s not going to help all too much.” He remarks, but stares at his hand anyway. “Huh, maybe it will. The burning sensation is starting to fade.”

You smile and you continue to talk with Doyoung for the day, your friendship developing slowly.

———————-

The next morning, you were told to meet Doyoung by the science department where he usually has his first class. It slightly confused you when you showed up on time and Doyoung was nowhere to be seen. Doyoung was late sometimes, but to be almost twenty minutes late was wrong.

“Did he cancel or what?” You huff, checking your phone for messages.

Glancing up from your phone, your surroundings have been drastically changed. You weren’t in the science department, but in an old, ran down building.

Fear builds up within you as you start to glance around.

“How did I get here…” You mutter, but you already know the answer. Footsteps slowly approach you, similar to the clicks of the woman who attacked you just a few months ago.

“Well, well, well. Isn’t it our pretty {y/n}?” A male voice calls out and unfortunately you recognize his voice as well. “Where’s your boyfriend, hm?”

Your heart jumps as the word ‘boyfriend’ as your mind crosses to Lucas. “I—We’re not dating. I don’t know.”

He deeply laughs and you see his silhouette appear from the corner.

“Oh, you should know better. That boy is obsessed with you. I would say he’s insane for you. Haven’t you noticed someone constantly watching over you? How the hell did you get into that university without having a power? It was all because L had sent in a reference for you.”

Suddenly, it all makes sense. Lucas had set you up to be safe. He couldn’t protect you closely so he had to lend a hand in protecting you indirectly. Lucas made sure you were watched almost all the time with Doyoung. Your heart suddenly becomes lighter and heavier at the same time. Lucas was in danger but he hasn’t cut you out of his life, your biggest fear.

“With all this talking, it seems like lover boy has arrived.” The woman says, flashing in and out of place.

“Shit, he got here earlier than I thought he would.” The shapeshifter mutters and grabs you harshly. You feel something wrap around your hands and ankles, and then you’re shoved to the ground where there’s shards of glass and other debris.

Crying out in pain and hearing a pair of footsteps run faster, you scream, “YUKHEI!”

“Shut up!” The girl growls, kicking you in the stomach and knocking the breath out of you.

Yukhei runs into the room, panting heavily and scanning for you.

“{Y/N!}” He yells and rushes over to pick you up. He’s stopped when a kick sends him flying back into the wall, creating cracks in the concrete. Yukhei groans loudly and clenches his side but he continues to keep his eyes on you. Standing up slowly, he stares at the shapeshifter and teleporter.

“Let {y/n} go. You can have me.” He declares, stepping towards the two of them.

“Yukhei, no.” You attempt to stand up, only to be pushed down again with a grunt.

“Don’t touch her.” He scowls, putting out a hand in front of you.

The shapeshifter shrugs and glares at Yukhei. “Come. Now.”

From the corner of the room, you see a figure sneaking around. You strain your neck to see who it is and your eyes widen at the sight of Doyoung with a metal pipe in his hand. He sneaks quietly to the shapeshifter and raises the pipe, crushing it down upon his head. He falls with a thump and before the teleporter could react, Yukhei already knocked her out with a punch.

Doyoung rushes over to you and assists you in taking off the zipties. Once free of your bounds, you hurry over to Yukhei and throw your hands over his shoulder. Rapidly, you kiss his cheeks and bury yourself in his neck. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” You mutter, leaving butterfly kisses on his neck.

“I know, I know.” He hugs you tightly and brings you closer to him. He shushes you and wipes the tears that streamed down your face.

Doyoung taps his foot impatiently and yells, “Can we go?”

You nod and break away from Yukhei. He holds your hand tightly as you start to escape the grey building. Another pair of hands grab onto your body before hitting the exit and a blade presses into your neck. Breathing as little as possible, you turn and stare at the shapeshifter holding onto you.

“Please. Don’t do this.” You whisper, feeling the blade being pressed down harder and harder.

“I’m sorry, but L has won too many times.”

Closing your eyes and waiting for impact, you feel everything flash before you. You wonder how Yukhei will be after you’re gone. Maybe he could find someone who will treat him right. Deep down, you wish you could’ve been the one who treat him right.

However, the knife never cuts into you. The knife ends up cutting into Yukhei when he ran to save you. He tackled the shapeshifter and the knife ended up lodged into his stomach. Doyoung made sure the shapeshifter couldn’t stand up after that. You crawl to Yukhei after being pushed to the side and you gasp at the sight. Yukhei’s shirt was covered in a dark maroon color and you shakily grab his hand.

“You’re gonna be okay Yukhei. I promise you, you’re okay. Hey! Don’t close your eyes. Please don’t close your eyes.” You cry out, shaking him slightly.

You didn’t even realize what Doyoung was doing, trying to call 911. You’re were in such a state of shock that you were hysterical. Without listening to Doyoung and pulling out the knife, you put your hands on Yukhei’s wound.

“What the hell, {y/n}! Why did you take out the knife? Now, he’s going to lose more blood. Wait, holy shit. H-He’s healing.”

Slowly, Yukhei’s cells started forming once more and bonded to one another. His skin pulled together and no marks were left, almost like he had never been stabbed. All was left was the blood that stained Yukhei’s shirt. Yukhei became conscious once again and glanced at where his injury should’ve been, eyes widening when noticing nothing was there.

The scene at the coffee shop flashed back to you when you put your water bottle and hand on Doyoung and he started to recover from his burn.

“I-I have a power?” You mutter in disbelief, staring at your bloody hands. Yukhei grins and pulls you down to him.

“Hey! Stop moving you two! It can hurt you both!”

Both of you just laughed and continued to hug each other, glad that everything is okay.

That night, you felt a lot safer with Yukhei next to you.

—————————-

“Yukhei, were you watching me that entire time when we were in that argument?” You asked him one night, months after the whole ordeal had happened.

“Hmm…” He thinks, shifting in bed to hold you closer to him. “Would it be creepy if I said yes?”

“Not at all.” You mutter, inhaling his cologne. “Why though? I thought you hated me.”

A silence falls between you two and you start to worry that you offended him. You open your mouth to speak up but Yukhei stops you completely in your tracks.

“I thought so too. I really tried to make myself too. I made myself order shitty drinks at the coffee shop because it reminded me of you. I didn’t go to parks or look at crepes the same way after our fight. I tried to make myself hate everything that you were, but I continued to find you in new things. I saw you as home and every time I went home, I felt warm and safe even though I tried to fight it. I saw you as flowers and as a deep inhale and exhale. You suffocated me without realizing it. And I loved it so much that it burned me. I couldn’t end up hating you. I only circled around and came to the conclusion that I love you over and over.”

Another silence falls upon the two of you and you break it this time.

“I love you too.”

the end.

[seungmin-jpeg]

so i hit 1k followers today omg I’m still in shock tbh. i’ve only had this blog up and running for about 4 months now, not even that long, but it’s been the best few months of my life honestly. i’ve met some of the most amazing people, and have been constantly surronded by fun, high spirited, amazing friends. Along with that i’ve got to know 9 amazing and talented people who never fail to make my smile when im down. When i made this blog i didn’t really know what to expect, but i was welcomed right away and was quickly accepted by all the other fans, faster than any other fanbase i’ve ever been apart of. I just want to take some time to highlight some of the people who’ve made my day’s happy and always bring a smile to my face :) if i miss anyone i’m sorry, im so bad at these lol 

Regardless of whether i tagged you or not, thank you all so much for following me and putting up with me <3

✨- my beautiful mutuals that i love with all my heart and you have a special message under the cut! 🌱- i love your blog so much and i hope we can talk more that is, if we havent talked already! ☁️- we don’t talk that much, maybe never, but i love your blog and hope one day we can talk even more!!!

@mydarlingfelix 🌱// @straykiddosmom 🌱// @straykids01 🌱// @adorehyunjin 🌱 // @seungchanie ✨ // @changbeanie ✨ // @deathbywoojin ☁️// @strayboys ✨// @goddamngyu 🌱// @straycuties 🌱// @kimseungminns ✨// @pooh-bear-woojin 🌱// @versekiller ✨// @strayykiddos ✨// @arqueritefrost 🌱// @etherealstraykids 🌱// @nctcry ☁️// @stk0t9 ☁️// @yafelix ☁️// @leedontknow🌱 // @hey-hey-chan 🌱// @straybin✨// @chxngbinnie ☁️// @ohmyspearb 🌱// @just-pig ☁️// @heavenly-freckles 🌱// @fandumbscribbling ✨// @strayedtoofar 🌱// @s0ftminho ☁️// @felixflowers ☁️// @kiribunny ☁️// @likemates ☁️// @strgaykids ☁️// @junspurplehair ☁️// @hear-the-dokidoki 🌱// @hobi-stole-my-heart ✨// @astraykidsdaydream ✨// @felixfrecklesjpg ✨// @minhomygod ☁️// @officialchangbin 🌱// @maaatryoshka 🌱// @awoojinstan 🌱// @sechangbin ☁️// @chang-put-me-in-the-bin ☁️// @felixthekoala 🌱// @woojinshairwasblue ☁️// @realstraykids 🌱

this looks kinda messy but oh well

@seungchanie - vale, ah one of my most treasured skz mutuals <3<3 you were the one who kept me in the fandom when i first joined, the person who made me realize what an amazing fanbase this was and who always make me so happy whenever i see anything from you, whether its a message or one of your cute drawings. thank you for being one of the first to welcome me into the wonderful world of stray kids!!!

@changbeanie - Ruby, wow where do i even start. i cant even remember how i found your blog, but it was pretty much love at first sight lmao. you’re writing blows my mind its so amazing, and you always inspire me to keep up with my writing too! i was going through a rough patch with my writing over on my main blog, but seeing all your work, and how many nice anons you got and everything made me want to keep going with everything. on top of that you’re literally the sweetest person on the whole planet and actually deserve every single star in the sky omg

@strayboys - hi phoebe you mean the actual sun? honestly the most friendly and welcoming person i’ve ever met my whole freakin life. not to mention funny and like all around perfect? i’ve got so much to say i dont even know where to start haha. but seriously both you and your whole blog make me so happy who even needs the sun anymore cause you’ve got that covered. the fandom wouldnt be the same without you!

@kimseungminns - Joyce! we haven’t talked in a little bit but still, i’m so thankful i was about met you and talk about everything we have so far!! thanks again for offering to read over my drafts lol, for someone who runs a writing blog i struggle with all the little things like spelling and man are you a life saver lol. you’re one of my first stray kids mutuals and will always have a special little place in my heart lol

@versekiller - J! my smol bean lol tbh we haven’t talked that much like directly but you’ve been around since i first made this blog back when you were doublekn0t lol you’re a solid predebut buddy lol. when i first found you and your blog i was like “wOw DaRk” but now i know you’re actually just a ball of sunshine haha. your blog is beautiful. you’re beautiful. and your writing is beautiful. lets talk more okay lol <3 

@strayykiddos - Elisa! first off thanks for talking with me when that dumb fox gave me a heart attack lmaooooo thanks for dropping by and messaging me like you did because honestly that was such a blessing and now i have a wonderful friend like you omg. your icon honestly gives me life and i love how easy it is to talk with you!!! i’m really looking forward to all the conversations we can have in the future! 

@fandumbscribbling - Kriti! we started talking because of woojin not getting enough screentime and then ended up talking non-stop and honestly it’s been the best! I’m excited that we both get to experience college at the same time. Who knows, maybe i can make a little trip up to where you are for college and then we can scream about stray kids in person lollllll

@hobi-stole-my-heart - Della, oh man first off thanks a thousand for helping me with all the pj au stuff haha. It’s been amazing to get to know you, and to have a fellow writer who feels the same way about a lot of the same things! also thank you for always screaming about things with me because boy did a scream a lot today hahah rip

@astraykidsdaydream - Kaitlin!!! first off your mobile theme color is everything and it makes me so happy lol. thanks for messaging me like you did, i’m a shy bean haha. you were one of the first people that i messaged when our boys finally debuted. even when the showcase happened i talked with you the most about it all. i hope we can keep talking and get to know each other even better!!!! <3 

@felixfrecklesjpg & @straybin - my admins T_T Ulfah and K, i’d seriously be lost without you two. thank you so much for helping me run the network - i promise i’ll actually get it totally up and running and start planning things soon so we can actually start really doing things lol. thank you so much for joining me and working with me!!! i can’t wait until the ball really starts to get rolling, i think we’re going to have a lot of fun in the future!! 

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

[stfusoren-blog]

INTRODUCING SOREN LUNDQVIST, just your average local, swedish boy trying his goddamn best every single day... also hi i’m hana. pst. she/her.

i wrote his intro post as his wikipedia page which would have all of the public information about soren in it so it’s kinda... long and wordy whoops. but i’ll write a quick bit of basic stuff here for y’all who don’t want to read the whole thing lmao

he is 22 and will be playing noah czerny on nova’s trc adaption (it’s his first major english speaking role)

he is very swedish! his parents kind of have this crazy legacy in sweden and europe and his brother has won oscars for his foreign films and directing. soren is the first to try to do any american projects. so he’s v famous in sweden and europe, just not here. 

he’s spent the last 8 years of his life in michigan for boarding school and college! (go wolverines lmao) he also played lots of hockey. the boy’s got a booty.

soren is very much bisexual but kind of closeted kind of not. meaning he hooks up a lot but he doesn’t really date so coming out isn’t an idea for him at all.

im hockey trash so if you want to know how to say his last name watch THIS

and his accent is faint but it sounds like THIS or if you are also hockey trash, watch this for his natural speaking pattern in english kill me

hmu if you would like to plot!!

anyways

here we gooo

Soren Lundqvist

Born                   Sören Nils Jakob Ekman-Lundqvist

                            July 2nd, 1995 (22 years old)

                            Gothenburg, Sweden

Residence           Los Angeles, California

Occupation          Actor

Years active         2000 – present

Parent(s)               Alicia Ekman (mother)

��                             Nils Lundqvist (father)

Relatives               Elias Lundqvist (brother)

                               Maja Lundqvist (sister)

Sören Nils Jakob Ekman-Lundqvist (Swedish pronunciation: [ˈsœːrɛn ˈlɵndkvɪst]; born July 2nd, 1995) is a Swedish actor. He is best known for his roles in his brother Elias Lundqvist’s Academy Award winning films Vaggvisor (Lullabies) and Det Här är Mina Sista Steg (These Are My Last Steps).

In 2017, Lundqvist was casted in the Nova television series adaptation of Maggie Stiefvater’s series The Raven Cycle as Noah Czerny, his first major English speaking role.

Early life

Soren Lundqvist was born in Gothenburg, Sweden on July 2nd, 1995. He is the youngest son of directors and actors Alicia Ekman and Nils Lundqvist. He has two siblings: Elias and Maja, a director and model respectively.

A friend of his mother casted Lundqvist in his first film at the age of five. He played Björn, a young son of an estranged couple in Världen från tre fötter Tall (The World from Three Feet Tall). Already famous due to his family’s legacy, Lundqvist was shy in the eyes of the Swedish media, leading to his parents pulling him from acting after his debut.

After serious acting training under the guidance of his parents and various teachers, Lundqvist returned to acting at age ten, appearing in various Swedish television shows that made him a quick household name.

At fourteen, Lundqvist was sent to study at Interlochen Center for the Arts in Michigan where he played for a nearby hockey club while studying theater. This is where he met longtime friend Benny Jackson.

Career

Sweden

Upon his return to acting in 2005, Lundqvist cameoed in various Swedish television series, most notably Wallander for 12 episodes. Lundqvist was commonly cast in various Swedish BBC series afterwards as recurring characters.

In 2009, Lundqvist and his sister Maja starred in a passion project spurred on by Elias, who had won his first Academy Award two years earlier. Vaggvisor (Lullabies) was inspired by their home, Sweden, and how long the summer days are. Elias’s cinematography earned him another Academy Award in 2010 for Best Director and Best Foreign Film. The filming process really allowed Lundqvist to show off his acting talents. Elias explained in interviews that, “the movie was completely improvised. I sat my siblings down one night and told them about the vision I had and everything just clicked.” The film followed Maja’s unnamed character taking care of her younger, fearless, dreaming brother portrayed by Lundqvist when faced with the sudden responsibility in the wake of poverty, a topic rarely touched on in Swedish films.

In 2011, Lundqvist starred in another one of Elias’s films. Det Här är Mina Sista Steg (These Are My Last Steps), a coming of age film spurred on by Lundqvist’s character creating a new identity in Stockholm while dealing with his sexuality, eating disorders, and abandoning the past. The film created international buzz and was nominated for Best Foreign Film.

That following year, Lundqvist returned to Sweden to film another drama. When interviewed at the premiere, Lundqvist stated that he missed the language after years of studying in the United States.

The United States

In 2017, Nova’s television adaptation of the best-selling book series The Raven Cycle cast Lundqvist as Noah Czerny. Surprisingly, this is Lundqvist’s first major project in English, citing lack of familiarity of the language as a reason for avoiding the projects previously.

Previously, Lundqvist has cameoed in various music videos for American and European artists. Most notable are his cameo in Such a Boy by Astrid and an upcoming video for the Lumineers.

Education

Lundqvist attended Interlochen Center of Arts in Interlochen, Michigan from 2009 to 2013 before going on to attend University of Michigan with longtime friend and current roommate Benny Jackson.

He graduated in May of 2017 with a degree in Drama and minor in Theatre Performance. At University of Michigan, Lundqvist starred in many school productions and musicals while playing hockey for the Wolverines. 

Lundqvist is fluent in five languages: Swedish (his mother tongue), Norwegian, English, French, and German. He has studied Russian in college as well, though he has expressed that he is nowhere near fluency yet.

Personal life

Hockey

Lundqvist played club hockey with the Grand Traverse North Stars while he attended Interlochen Center of the Arts from 2009 to 2013.

In 2012, Lundqvist announced that he was committed to play hockey for University of Michigan. That same year, Lundqvist made his first international appearance for the Swedish International U18 Men’s Team at the IIHF World U18 Championships where Sweden won silver.

In 2013, was drafted in the 117th overall in the Fourth Round of the 2013 NHL Entry Draft by the San Jose Sharks. Lundqvist was projected to go higher than that by scouts, ranked around 20th overall and 18th for North American skaters. However, the uncertainty of whether or not Lundqvist would continue with his hockey career after playing for University of Michigan was unclear for many NHL teams who chose not to waste their draft pick on him, similar to Jamie Benn to the Dallas Stars. Lundqvist appeared again at the 2013 IIHF World U18 Championships where Sweden won silver again.

At University of Michigan, Lundqvist helped the team appear in the NCAA Tournament for the first time since 2012 in the 2016 tournament with other notable future NHL players such as Zach Werenski and Dylan Larkin on the team.

While in attendance at University of Michigan, Lundqvist has gone on to attend the San Jose Sharks development camps and training camps during the summers. He has been called up to make three appearances in the NHL. Lundqvist has not signed his Entry Level Contract and has not expressed certainty on the subject. 

Despite sharing a surname with famous NHL goalie Henrik Lundqvist and the SHL’s Joel Lundqvist, they are not related. However, there are many stories where Lundqvist pretended to be Henrik’s son while attending New York Rangers games in Detroit in order to sneak into the locker room. The two are family friends.

Family

His parents are legendary Swedish directors. Lundqvist and his siblings were expected to follow in their footsteps and have done so. Elias is an Academy Award Winning director while Maja is a model for brands such as Burberry and Chanel.

In 2013, Lundqvist found his brother unconscious from a drug overdose after coming home from Michigan for the summer. Elias was hospitalized and has not released a film since.

Lundqvist currently shares an apartment in Los Angeles with Benny Jackson. The two met at Interlochen in 2009 where they have roomed with each other since. The two attended University of Michigan together. Benny Jackson has a role on KU’s The Lunar Chronicles.

[stompsite]

Im-prey-ssions

So, I started Prey 2017 up around midnight last night. Eleven hours later, I had to stop playing because I needed sleep. The only reason I’m not playing Prey 2017 right now is because I promised you I’d blog once a week, every week, and since I was busy apartment hunting, playing Prey 2017, and going to the hospital.* I still feel awful; I need several treatments, not one every six months, but dang it, I told you guys I’d write something this week, and I’m gonna do it, even if it’s just one draft. Then I’m going to go play more Prey 2017.

So, right off the bat, this game’s like a 9/10.

Like, if that’s what you want to know, there you go. I love playing this game. Now to get into the nitty gritty. I’ll be talkin a lot about positives and negatives, and I’m trying to be somewhat comprehensive. Just bear in mind: from what I’ve played so far, I like it as much as Dishonored 2 and Doom, my favorite games of last year. It’s Extremely Good.

As some of you may be aware, I really did not like Prey 2017’s demo. There are a few reasons for that, chiefly the fact that I desperately needed to go to the hospital. Literally everything was irritating me and getting under my skin. Everything. This includes Prey 2017’s melee system. Now, let me be clear here: I don’t like the melee system. I didn’t like it in Dead Island, and I don’t like it here. But the melee system is a small part of a huge game, and I happen to enjoy that game a whole heck of a lot.

Would the game be better without a stamina bar? Yes. Absolutely. 100%. The stamina bar adds nothing but annoyance to the game. It does not benefit Prey 2017’s design in any way. If they patched out the stamina system tomorrow, Prey 2017 would only benefit.

So, after the demo, I was pretty worried.

Now, something like 10 hours in: this game is a delight. I love how the station feels persistent; leave a room, come back later, find all the bits you moved right where you left them. It’s WONDERFUL!

The level design overall is Extremely Good Stuff. So far, my favorite level is Psychotronics. It feels the most reminiscent of System Shock 2, and it has two of the my favorite moments in the game so far, which I won’t spoil here. There’s an area above two big metal pods I’m still trying to figure out how to access, so I’ve got reasons to go back.

The Arboretum is fantastic. Crew quarters are ace. On and on I could go; I like every single level in this game with the sole exception of G.U.T.S., which is a long tube with zero gravity and some annoying enemies with it. Zero G outside of the station is super cool. Zero G in G.U.T.S. isn’t my thing. As a System Shock 2 comparison, G.U.T.S. is The Body of The Many. But this is one level out of like... a dozen, and as far as I can tell, you don’t have to use it again once you unlock the elevator. 

One of the coolest features of Prey 2017, which I hope everyone copies in the future, because it’s great, is the crew tracking feature. Everyone who dies leaves a corpse behind. You can use computers to pick a person to track, then find their corpse. Doing so can net you things like key cards and supplies, which opens up more of the station, allowing you to explore.

There are two kinds of Looking Glass fans, those who prefer Thief and those who prefer System Shock. I’m one of the fans who prefers System Shock; I enjoy exploring more than sneaking. It’s why I prefer S.T.A.L.K.E.R. to System Shock. It’s why I’m enjoying Prey 2017 so much. Finding a keycard and having that ‘oh yeah, I remember where that is!’ moment, going back to that spot, and finally getting to open a locked door you’ve been keeping in the back of your mind for the past few hours... it’s a great feeling. 

One of the issues I had with Bioshock is that you rarely had a reason to navigate Rapture. Bioshock 2, my favorite game in that series, went in the opposite direction, turning into a series of linear sandbox maps, like Thief. Dishonored and Dishonored 2 do the linear sandbox thing too. It’s perfectly fine design, but I’ve been hungry for a game world that I really felt like exploring.

Prey 2017 is the first truly satisfying game world I have explored since S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky in 2008. The entire thing is open, you just have to find the right keys and hack the right doors and lift the right crates. It’s a game that rewards exploration, not with a “+100 XP: Crawled a vent” popup, but because as you explore, you get this really satisfying sense of “oh, this goes here, and that goes there, and it all works like this...”

Prey 2017 satisfies my exploration itch. You have no idea. It’s why I didn’t want to stop playing until I physically couldn’t play anymore. The only games that have held my attention so strongly in the past few years were Dishonored 2, Doom, Metal Gear Solid V, and Mad Max.

The symbiotic relationship between “hunt for crewmembers” and the station’s many locked doors creates this insatiable urge to explore. I love it.

Do I have complaints? Yes. The stamina system doesn’t benefit the game. G.U.T.S. isn’t fun to explore or traverse. The dudes who stop you from moving are just Not At All Fun To Encounter. The combat is something where I sigh and go “oh well, here I go again.” Great combat should be emotional combat; there should be highs and lows, a great rhythm, elation and relief in victory.

It’s not like a great stealth game, where you don’t want to enter combat because stealthing is more satisfying. It’s not like System Shock 2, Alien: Isolation, or STALKER, where combat can be thrilling and terrifying in equal measure, due to player vulnerability. It’s... just kinda there. It’s easily the game’s greatest weakness.

Prey 2017’s combat is annoying. The enemies feel samey (they’re all fast, teleporty, and take a bunch of shotgun damage before they die) and are way too visually consistent to be exciting. If you look at System Shock 2′s enemies, there’s a lot more interesting visual variety in the designs, which makes the experience more enjoyable. There was a lot more tactical/strategic depth in System Shock 2 as well.

Fortunately, you spend far more time exploring than you do anything else. It’s so effin good, man. Like... I’m over here writing about Prey 2017, when all I really want to do is go hop back in Prey’s world and explore Talos I some more. The level designers outdid themselves.

Even fundamental, basic stuff like mantling and crouching feels super good to do. The game world is just a joy to exist and interact in when you’re not fighting dudes. The only problem I have with the game world is that certain areas (especially the maintenance/labs area) have really predictable enemy spawns, which makes the world feel a lot less ‘real’ than it might otherwise.

Basically, I like the game. I like it a lot. I like it better than every game that has come out so far in 2017. It’s right up there with Dishonored 2 (which I adored) for me. It’s engrossing, thrilling, and awesome.

With some better combat and enemy design/spawning, Prey would be as close to perfect as a game can get. If my opinions change significantly as I continue the experience, I’ll probably right a review. If I was the scoring type, it would be an easy 9/10 for me.

So, one last thing: the default settings are a bit strange.

Change mouse sensitivity to 50, turn off Damage Numbers, rebind ‘tab’ to inventory, and bind your mouse wheel to weapon changes. It’ll feel a lot better. It’s still kind of weird to navigate menus (you can’t use the scroll wheel to scroll down lists?), and for some reason, moving your mouse moves your ENTIRE CAMERA when reading computers (compare this with Doom 3′s more satisfying implementation of computer screens). Sometimes, clicking works, other times, you have to press F, and sometimes, you have to press G. It’s kind of strange. It makes sense to use G to, like, repair items in the world, but less sense to use G on a menu where it seems like F or Mouseclick will do. 

The game has a ton of these weird little UX issues that, if tweaked, would significantly improve the game. I wish they’d been caught prior to release, but I hope they get patched.

There’s no FOV slider, but that should be coming soon. For some reason, the intro videos are unskippable. You can’t click through them or anything. You can, however, turn them off by editing your game files.

I do have Extremely Negative Impressions about how the game’s been handled, though. You see, I like Prey. That’s the Real Prey, the 2006 FPS Prey. The one with Blue Oyster Cult and Art Bell. I liked that Prey a lot. If you install Prey 2017, and you have Prey installed, 2017 will be installed in Prey’s directory. It’s frustrating.

It’s also frustrating that the game is named Prey at all; did we really have to lose the original game on Steam for THIS? Did the sequel really get canned for us to play this? I can take Prey 2017 on its own merits, and it’s a great game, but the way Human Head was treated, and the way the original game is being treated leave a really bad taste in my mouth. I love Arkane. I love Bethesda. I don’t like how the whole “Prey” situation has been handled. They could have given this game so many names and avoided the problem entirely.

The Prey for the Gods Situation is really bad. Some Bethesda PR dude said somethin on GAF about “we have to protect our trademark,” but that appears to be untrue. Here’s CDPR talking about that very subject. So it seems like folks at Bethesda are being dishonest, and that really rubs me the wrong way.

It sucks that a game I’m loving right now is associated with so many negative things.

Overall, best game I’ve played since Dishonored 2, appeals to my personal sensibilities a lot more, I don’t really like the combat so I try to avoid it as much as possible, I love this world so dang much.

*I was in the hospital because of my illness.

[sh-lan]

i’m always late for these now but oh well

i can’t believe i’m making an ebay account happy new year LOL

Third day of the new year!

Went to hangout with ryan and leighton. They wanted to try marugame udon so!!! Also i saw adam but didnt say hi, oops. In any case. We were like hey let’s do something like walk around! But it rained a little so we bought some cuties from trader joe’s and ended up at ryan’s house and basically sat in his kotatsu for 4 hours then i came home. I also finally know how it feels like when the manga says that your legs get tangled inside the kotatsu. And when you literally cannot get out of it. Plus the feeling of losing the ability to walk because ya gurl tried to stand up after crawling out of the kotatsu and just fell back down What a day LOL

my brain in general has forgotten how it feels like to study …oh dear

Mommy helped me dye my hair yesterday! It’s lighter than i thought but it was the gray ochre color from palty! And it smells like grape hichews Facetimed vania & yuri today and they noticed the color! And then facetiming with dad and he also noticed LIKE WOW I DIDNT REALIZE PEOPLE COULD TELL? <3

I want a lot of cute phone case but idk what and where to get EDIT: i am still having this problem

I just saw the golden year of the dog items from starbucks korea AND I WANT EDIT: also want the starbucks x pantone planner fml EDIT EDIT: did not end up buying anything good job deborah lan

i was right muster merch colors ARE BEAUTIFUL

The muster merch fmu EDIT: clearly i was overwhelmed with the colors because there were two separate drafts in a row lol

The company insists on having two references….

And now they said they chillin with a peer reference SO I PHONED A FRIEND (aka vania) bless her soul

jan 10th l i f e u p d a t e got the first job offer of my life!! (well official full time offer lol) and so it looks like i’m going to portland? :O

Wow i joined a GO for muster merch New year new me and goodbye money 탕진잼 탕진잼 탕진잼

Wow im glad i submitted the form to get muster merch because THEY ARE SO CUTE AND PRETTY. Okay but i really want PCs so i sincerely hope bighit has some sense and ship PC sets abroad when you order multiple other items Also didnt realize the lenticular key rings would be a hot item but seriously they are so much more adorable than i thought?? Jk’s key ring is so cute i cri EDIT: just found out about no acrylic stand )))): EDIT EDIT: didn’t get squat because ARMYs jump all over everything any time anything is released...

finding housing is hard and i can’t believe that i actually see an appeal to living in downtown…

fmu because bt21 getting released online BUT I REALLY SHOULDN’T BUY but also i finally got my package from jen! ugh omg the bag charms are so cute i don’t know whether to actually use them or keep them in their boxes ;__; and she included some mediheal masks! finally also sent vania her tata as a thank you gift~

deokrim stickers are too cute ima buy two sets

And ugh wow i cant believe i chanced upon cornpeu shop reopening im ded Vania and i didnt catch the timing for bt21 and now i’m still dumping money on bts things HAHA EDIT: not even 15 min after writing this, i bought the stuff from cornpeu lel (which couldve been used to buy the cushion so idk man) time to go preorder for deokrim maybe?

Wow my left hand hurts like shit did i really break it playing superstar bts like mom said? No way right

Ahhhh got my muster merch in the mail today and it’s so niceeee *^* Ima stick that washi tape like everywhere LOL

I hurt myself four different times today smh

In portland for the weekend! I deadass ate two packets of honey roasted peanuts on the plane ride over because i didnt realize i was so hungry and now i’m just waiting for the pimples to cOME ;__;

I walked into a stationery store in portland and just. FOUND MY PEACE. jk but i bought some stickers i been looking at online blesssss

No. Tax. Anywhere. (So far)

I had coke last night after my flight and i legit didnt feel tired until 3:30am oops

Omfg i cant believe someone was selling the trust issues photobook by snowpeach in the luce in altis project for $15 last night WOW LIKE THE FEW DAYS I DONT CHECK SHIT, THERE’S ALL KINDS OF SHIT I WANT. $15 is so cheap ;___;

went to portland with alice to check out apartments!!! woot. lots of fun going around/looking at the city. landed on thursday night and waited at the airport for alice and ate mcdonalds/watched the office haha friday: alice had work all day ): so i went out to meet up with yuri and leslie who happened to be out in portland too! walked to the alberta arts district to eat with them at pok pok noi. just walked around afterwards exploring in the rain before getting back home to eat dinner with alice at like 8…lol we went to bamboo sushi in sw and alice treated me to omakase as a congrats on getting my new yob!! woot also did some walking around in the neighborhood - will likely spend quite a bit of time in the powell city of books! saturday: the day we actually went out to see properties! grabbed some blue star donuts and headed into nw district - looked at some apartments and then grabbed lunch at this cute italian place that i will most likely frequent. started talking to alice about stuff and being weak, i cried and then we got free hazelnut ice cream…LOL. it was really good sunday: since we toured places that i actually liked yesterday, we basically just decided to walk around different areas. waterfront park, pioneer square…we spent a while in nordstrom rack and sephora looking for stuff for alice! lol. then dinner again at bamboo sushi and dessert at salt & straw :> monday morning: waking up early to get to the airport for alice’s flight. bought more donuts at the airport for mom! then i sat at the airport watching the office and eating until the airplane ride where i got a whole row to myself~

and that was my portland trip shortened LOL. but~ excited about the new city, definitely excited about the donuts!

Furniture shopping is hard Moving is hard Everythinf comes down to money S M H

Got approved for my apartment today!! #excited

legit on phone calls for an hour getting stuff down and ready. now to wait on emails so i can get to the next step to sign my lease!

It’s been hot in sf like ??? In other news, i put coconut oil in ma hair - let’s see how it feels tomorrow! :O EDIT: idk, it didn’t feel different?

Omg feb 5th: suddenly a day where i can play hard mode on ssbts wow what a day

I just saw the new bts game where you get to “live chat” the boys as the user becomes the manager and takes care of the bois I am literally gonna die All armys gonna die Why do they do this to us …BECAUSE THEY KNOW WE’LL NEVER BE THEIR MANAGERS

Today i threw away my first lip tint because it looked funky funks and was like dying Good bye you were good to me - onto more an new lip tints! On another note. The balenciaga cap is $350??!?!

Being fat today and ordered three desserts with han at creations. And then went to the beach because pokemon but ended up star-gazing and it was niceee

Just came across its it ice creams on IG and since it’s been so hot (cause like spring came early or something??) i want it!! Also, it’s like the only time i ever consume oatmeal raisin cookies (unless they just oatmeal - in which case, delicious) But omg i didnt know strawberry is an OG flavor? Althought mint reigns supreme. But. GREEN TEA??

A BUMBLEBEE FLEW INTO MY HOUSE THE OTHER DAY AND I WAS ALONE AND COULDNT HELP also raided mewtwo yesterday!! Woot. Surprisingly got the gym bonus after much hardwork but dayum caught with only one ball LOL

Ever since that one time on the airplane with the weird ass headache/tension above my left eyebrow….i got like two headaches in a week that were like that. Also in between those, my right ear hurts and honestly…am i broken somewhere cause lel Body please get better

Lmao so last time i put on a screen protector, i cracked it in two days cause i dropped it. And i just put on a new one last week and lo and behold, it hath cracked again but this time, in my purse. I’m so ????? Smh

Landed in portland once again with han for move in!! Woke up super early…. Just went to target/tj maxx to buy stuff. Smh should’ve bought a swiffer and gotten it sent here ): Got a shower rug! THE SOFT SQUISHY ONE. But failed in the shower curtain department cause it’s too short… Makeshift bed with blankets and bed sheets lol…we shall await the mattress coming in tomorrow~ Do have quite a bit of stuff to buy in general…): Anyways. Had a burrito for dinner and like ?!! Aluminum foil gave me an aluminum cut so…ow No internets yet - good thing han downloaded some movies!

My cuticles are dying because my hands are dry and wow this is terribad

Went and bought a shitton of strawberry chocolates for 50% off at cvs MUAHAHA

Went to macy’s (or we’ve been going often since it’s going out of business so things are going on sale) and got the seiko watch i was kinda eyeing last time. ONLY TO FIND OUT (forgot to check on amazon) that it was 38 dollahs cheaper ;__; but. EHHH it’s all good. Seems like the one on amazon has strap problems being too smol so…like, it’s totally chill

February 19th

My first day of work!! Went in earlies and had onboarding for about two hours with amother new hire. Then i returned to my room where i met my coworker and my manager! Both of whom are in the same room and we each have a desk. (Ima have to request a standing desk :O) anywayss. Got a company laptop - thank god it’s not bulky. And then i’ve got two monitors on my desk too! #bless

Then jlw went through more ux stuff with me and i also went to a stand up meeting. Like. Those are real man. Then went to company lunch! Where new hires introduce themselves and i realize that i have never used a dishwasher before and everyone was shookt lol.

Afterwards, i went to a sprint meeting AND BOIIIII PLANNING POKER DOE??? Lololol. I have to say i did not understand a single thing that was going on. Took about an hour and a half…

Anyways. went back in where jlw continued where she left off and then finally let me read some onboarding stuff on my own before she headed out at 4 and then me, leaving swiftly at 4 as well LOL

SO that was my first day! Trying to get everything in order - i hope that everything goes great and that i learn lots and lots! :> although…windows computer already killing me, no wonder people use mouses instead of the trackpad. Also…gotta learn Axure + in depth photoshop so…WOOT WOOT

Oh and we also have a huge snack cabinet i might just become a potato

Light snowfall is so pleasant :>

Bucketlist checklist:

Eat alone - check! First lunch break :> (exciting!)

Watch a movie by myself - check! Love, Simon

Second day - drank too much coffee while i’m still weak against caffeine. It’s 1:26am. HNNNGH

i got really bored at work today because even though it’s week 2 now, i was done with my shit at like 2pm so i just started looking at axure tutorials for another however long until 4:30 LOL side note: might actually do my post-its idea thing then i realize that i didn’t bring any post-its over to portland… also i cracked my screen again today because i slammed it on the counter while trying to save it from falling so did i really save it….

bought rice and shin ramen on amazon lel

Gonna try out my post it idea in the office tomorrow. Hope it goes well 🤞

2/28/17 First ever happy hour but also goodbye party for kyle - also like the first time i talked to him since the one and a half week i been there (minus when we introduced ourselves) but sads cause he was kinda a squish and everyone seemed to have a chill time working with him :/ oh well

ALSO THE FIRST DAY THAT YA GURL GOT PAID $$$ (which is just directly going to rent - oh the woe of getting paid bi-monthly LOL)

Wow i did a great job sticking on my phone screen protector! #yes EDIT: no i didnt. It’s blocking the camera slightly on top smh

Ya gurl cut her finger on a tape measure lmfaooo

Alice came two weekends in a row to help me buy and build stuff and daymn. That was some hard work and tbh i only built a shelf and a bed LOOOOL I think ima go for the sofa + table rather than the desk. I think it might work! Also went to ashun market. Good weekend :>

I went bowling today!! It was an engineering celebration so i thought - why not, let’s be social for a little bit. And it turned out to be fun~ we had some fuds and i played two rounds. And I got a strike in one of the rounds! Woot woot. Anyways. It was enjoyable, not as awkward as i had envisioned. Also i was able to successfully catch the bus home so that was great :>

I think i’m reverting back to my eating habits because there are ENDLESS SNACKS IN THE OFFICE. Oh dear

Really actually thinking about that dicon photobook because the pictures are so nice :<

ALSO FINALLY FCKIN DISCOVERED ELECTRICITY CHARGE ON KWH DIFFERS ON A MONTH TO MONTH BASIS in addition to usage. Wow the things you discover and uncover as you adult

Also city of portland why do you have a base charge of $11???????

Ahhh xfinity wifi was too good to be true Apparently only 5 devices could connect to it at one time. So i guess i gotta shop for internets now…LOL EDIT: NAWP. ALL GOOD. THAT WAS FOR HOME HOTSPOT. WOOT

Lmao my manager went to ucsd when marshall was still called third im

In other news. It looks like my one on one anxiety wont dissipate soon. Esp since last week, the vp of engineering just sent me a calendar invite for a one on one and i literally got stressed out for a straight 30 min before i said yes to the invite and could slowly go back to focusing on work lol…. EDIT: it ended up being around 15 minutes and i did not really enjoy it at all

We are bulletproof pt 2 came on today while i was walking and i still cannot believe that the first lines still got me smiling like a fckin idiot

Ok so i finally talked to this girl at work (who i think is really pretty omfg) the other day and she’d been curling her hair recently and as we were walking out of the bathroom i was like I REALLY LIKE YOUR HAIR And then she said my hair is so straight and healthy - “do you straighten it? It’s really pretty” and i’m just over here crying on the inside because it looks like hay and only happened to be really straight that day for god knows what reason. SO BASICALLY THE STARS ALIGNED JUST SO WE COULD HAVE THIS CONVERSATION Also she said she recently bought a curler that just “does it for you” and gurl i need that because idk how to DO ANYTHING TO MY HAIR UGH

I woke up with the blankets already nicely proportioned off the sides of my bed - so i just crawled out without making my bed today lool

Thought i could handle watching burn the stage but i saw the screenshot of jungkook lying down and it already broke my heart Need to be secluded with some tissues ;__;

A two day trip to see The Rose in seattle or a five day trip in san diego… 🤔🤔🤔

last day of march went to lunch with my coworkers for the first time and i actually enjoyed it! it was fun :> glad that my coworker actually dropped by the office to invite us to lunch~

good friday today because:

lunch was good

really honestly did nothing because we were troubleshooting visual studio

also basically did nothing because double sprint planning and retro LOL

HEADING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND UNTIL WEDNESDAY

#gotpaid

but no joke, on the ride to the airport, i got carsick and i honestly didn’t even know that was possible but if you think about it, i basically haven’t been on any kind of transportation for at least a month… also my uber driver is like some viet gangsta or something that gets pulled into the room every time he tries to go to canada O_O LOL

Deadass trying to save money but The rose concert in seattle, want to make an sd trip, want the 2k18 asia trip But also bts comeback sometime during the first half of the year and SUDDENLY WANNA ONE IS GOING TO HAVE A WORLD TOUR??? Dammit dude DAMMIT

My heart dies a little every time my coworker comes by and invites me to lunch with everyone *ugly sobs* Dies a little in a good way - just for clarification LOL

Mom dyed my hair for me! And it was darker than i thought BUT GREAT. Curiously enough, after two washes…it’s already lightening?? NO PLEASE STAY DARK. PLEASE. EDIT: lol i realized there was another “mother dyed my hair” somewhere on top lel. just for clarification - nobody else dyes my hair including myself cause i am incapable lOL

omfg i just saw the we bare bears x spao collab AND THEN FOUND THE ADVENTURE TIME X SPAO CLOTHES, SO CUTE!!! the jake and bmo hoodie )):

didn’t realize that i missed them so much ;__; we thought we would all die with the black hair but actually they just killed us with softness good thing they didn’t come out with foreheads lOL

okay lol basically that’s it because nothing happens in my life although i realze that i video recorded a lot of experiences and they’re all just video files sitting on my phone and that’s why maybe i haven’t been writing any everyday things down :O will i ever edit them? unclear

in any case - planning lots of fun things for the months to come hopefully!

[ayayayayouch]

rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20

tagged by: the lovely @callhimyoungk

im tagging:  
YOU! lmao jk i tag anyone who wants to do this

last 1. drink: water 
2. phone call: from my manager lol  
3. text message:from my sister lmao 4. song you listened to: everything you are by ed sheeran 5. last time you cried: i can’t remember tbh 6. dated someone twice: none 
7. kissed someone and regretted it: none 8. been cheated on: nah 9. lost someone special: yes :( 10. been depressed: not diagnosed but sometimes i feel depressed 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah, i rarely drink...

3 favorite colors 12. green 13. pastel colors 
14. prussian blue

in the last year have you 15. made new friends: yep
 16. fallen out of love: nah 
17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you:
 lmao my parents.. they trashtalk behind my back :\ 19. met someone who changed you: not really 20. found out who your friends are: idk, i don’t think i can really know who my friends are.. but we’re solid  21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: nah

general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: like a hundred of them lol (ok there’s no number twenty-three) 24. do you want to change your name: funny thing is, i hated my name back in hs i thought that ‘joanna’ is kinda posh... but now that i know what it means.. and now that i’m all grown up, i love it now.. it sounds so fierce and elegant. so no. i don’t want to change my name. :D 25. what did you do for your last birthday: worked lmao i just don’t really feel like celebrating my birthday anymore tbh

26. what time did you wake up: around 8am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: lmao washing the frickin dishes fml 28. name something you can’t wait for: having a career and living my life to the fullest 
29. when was the last time you saw your mom: today 
30. what are you listening to right now: the clicking sound or is it tapping sound of my keyboard lol 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: nope

32. something that is getting on your nerves: so my job requires me to have a great customer service skill and damn lemme tell you about the types of people you’d frickin encounter... and this is basically the things that gets on my nerves: rude people, those frickin people who frickin complain a lot about trivial things, racists, judgmental people, those people who frickin gets angry in an instant like damn pls don’t throw a fit be calm... omfg i could go on and on but imma stop here.. basically, those people who can’t be a decent human being get on my nerves.

33. most visited website: tumblr, youtube, facebook lol 
34. hair color: black (just like my soul lol jk) 35. long or short hair: mid-length hair haha 36. do you have a crush on someone: you betcha! and his name is brian kang lol 
37. what do you like about yourself? ooh this caught me off guard.. i guess i like that i’m stubborn lol i don’t give up easily bc of that, and i like that i am aware of the people around me like i can tell what they’re feeling so i can adjust myself when i’m with them and give them an extra push if they need it.. physical-wise tho, i love my eyes and a lot of people do say i have a nice smile :) (there’s no number thirty-eight ??) 39. blood type: idrk lol

40. nickname: jojo  41. relationship status: happily single lmao  42. zodiac: taurus (ya know jae and i would prob get along as he is also an earth sign plus tauruses are compatible with virgos so jae hi lmao also my frickin crush is a virgo.. i also have a virgo best friend...and i frickin read somewhere that sag and taruses are least compatible hahaha brian is a sagittarius and yeah they’re really adventuruous.. i also have a frickin sag crush haha he’s too much for me lol sorry about the zodiac ramblings and before y’all label me as crazy, i do know that the zodiac signs are just guides in our lives and should not only be the one to consider when doing something; i’m just fascinated and interested okay) 43. pronouns: she and her 
44. favorite tv show: hmm fav tv show?? maybe csi:miami  45. tattoos: i don’t have one 

46. right or left handed: left 
47. surgery: nope

48. sport: badminton lol and i’m interested in ultimate frisbee  
49. vacation: i really want to visit south korea, england and australia  
 50. pair of shoes: i have comfortable ones idk if this is the right answer to this question hahah

more general 
 51. eating: nah 52. drinking: nah 53. i’m about to: write a draft for a story i’m working on 54. waiting for: the president to end his term lmao if y’all know who i’m referring to  55. want: a frickin career and stable job 
56. get married: maybe someday, if i am destined to be a wife lmao bc brah srsly i’ve been single my whole life 
57. career: i want to work in either a laboratory or something graphic design related

which is better
 58. hugs or kisses: both but it depends who the hug or kiss is from lmao

59. lips or eyes: the first thing that catches my attention is the eyes ngl 60. shorter or taller: taller
 61. older or younger: older or we have the same age lol 
62. nice arms or nice stomach: idk as long as the person is healthy

63. hook up or relationship: brah i’ve been serious since the day that i had an idea about such things so definitely relationship 
64. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker? idk my logical explanation is... if someone’s a troublemaker that means he or she is acting his or her goals and being hesitant means thinking too much that sometimes results in not doing anything at all.. 
65. kissed a stranger: nah 66. drank hard liquor: nah  
67. lost glasses/contact lenses: no

68. turned someone down: yes 69. sex on the first date: no

70. broken someone’s heart: i don’t think so

71. had your heart broken: yes T-T 72. been arrested: nope 73. cried when someone died: yes T-T my grandpa and one of my closest friend died on the same year, just a few months apart and lemme tell you that it frickin sucks :( it still feels like it was yesterday i miss them so much 74. fallen for a friend: i really don’t know the answer but there’s this guy friend... sometimes i feel jealous if he’s with other girls.. but idk if that’s bc i like him or bc i just want to hangout with him like the old times back in hs so idk

do you believe in 75. yourself: i try my hardest to 76. miracles: yes 
77. love at first sight: nah 78. santa claus: no, i’m sorry!! :( 79. kiss on the first date: idk 80. angels: yes

other 81. eye color: black (just like my soul lmao i’m joking again) 82. favorite movie: matilda, harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone, harry potter and the chamber of secrets, the edge of seventeen 
83. lust or love: love 84. favorite item of clothing: my style is vintage but anything very aesthetically pleasing to me 85. favorite song: bruh i have a lot but since this is a kpop blog imma answer with kpop songs: congratulations, dance dance, be lazy, i’m serious, what can i do and bad boy (their cover) by DAY6.. silver spoon, 21st century girl, spring day, boys in luv, blood, sweat and tears by bts.. growl and kokobop by exo.. knock, angel heart and u by knk.. breathless, hide and seek, polaris and baby by astro.. hey girl by b.i.g. (I AM MAD THAT I CAN’T FIND AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF THIS SONG!!!! IT HAS BEEN A YEAR!)

and that’s about it heheh