#ao i did :^) and went back to bullshitting every single thing!

[princesssarcastia]

Thoughts on Star Trek AOS? (And do you think Kirk was on Tarsus?)

i have SO MANY THOUGHTS about star trek aos, so buckle up.  brace yourself.

star trek aos is a terrible disaster and i love it SO MUCH.  for me, star trek 2009 is still in that class of unreasonably pleasing movies like the mummy or stardust or jumanji: welcome to the jungle.  what they are isn’t exactly top notch but you love them for being exactly what they are.

star trek aos is a star-studded fucking phenomenal cast of some of the best actors working today, which makes up for the very inconsistent writing and unfortunate low-level current of sexism.

literally where would i be today if chris pine could not make faces Like That. i honestly couldn’t tell you.

overall, I have quite a few bones to pick with JJ Abrams for setting up a star trek universe that is less Wacky Space Utopia adventures with liberal political commentary ranging from unsubtle to im-hitting-you-over-the-head-with-my-opinions-like-they’re-a-brick—

to this kind of overtly militarized action-hero adventure porn where one white man saves the universe from Scary People Who Don’t Look Like Us And Are Crazy.  I also don’t appreciate what they did to Jim Kirk, turning him into this womanizing self-centered bastard who has to be in charge.  I REALLY don’t appreciate the casual misogyny, what with the last of rank stripes for women and the gratuitous sex-ed up scenes and the way that Amanda Grayson gets fridged for man-pain and and and— you get the picture.

Or at least, that’s what they tried to do to jim kirk.  and god fucking bless chris pine for being able to make facial expressions, because i firmly believe if pretty much almost anyone else had played Jim Kirk as written by JJ Abrams, that’s exactly what he would have been.

But because of chris pine’s acting, instead, most of the AOS fandom and I realized/decided that this “womanizing” version of jim kirk actually really really hates himself so much, most likely for trauma reasons. 

we took that shit and ran with it and never really stopped.

zachary quinto is also like god tier casting.  unfortunately the writers for the first two movies mostly gave him Anger as a primary motivator, which like, is not exactly how I would interpret Spock at all, but quinto played this Angry Spock so so well.

ZOE SALDANA PLAYS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, NYOTA UHURA, PERFECTLY AND THAT’S ALL I’LL HEAR ON THE MATTER.

john cho should be cast in everything ever he’s amazing and I love seeing him.  this man has the range. hikaru sulu is the backbone of this fucking ship.  this man wins the big damn hero award every single movie. 

i still miss living in the same world as anton yelchin. i really, really do.

I also have found family feelings all over these movies, where these baby versions of iconic characters from the sixties are brought together too early to witness too much fucking trauma.  harry potter references aren’t exactly in vogue right now, but there’s this one piece from a—well, actually, its a harry potter reference in an mcu fic i read years ago, now that i think about it, but anyway:

it was something like, there are some things you can’t go through with a person—like that mountain troll in harry potter—without becoming friends for life.  there are some crucibles that will bind you together forever.  and awful as it is, I think Nero and the Vulcan genocide were the AOS crew’s mountain troll.  there’s no going back or separating, after that.

also I feel like there’s a ton of competence porn in this trilogy that i deeply, deeply enjoy.

star trek: 2009 and into darkness are both grimdark male power fantasy bullshit that only accidentally hits all the right buttons for me.  I love them dearly but i know EXACTLY what they are, thank you.

star trek: beyond is a delightful movie with no real plot where our favorite crew are finally Adults With A Modicum Of Common Sense And Stability, instead of Disaster Children Angsting All Over The Place, and they get to save the universe with the power of excellent rock music and friendship. how cool is that?!?  i wanna give simon pegg a high five for making this movie.

on a more meta note, what I find kind of satisfying about these movies is that—for all his many faults that i’m always happy to expound upon—JJ Abrams actually went for it.  He Did That.  He just made his own brand new timeline, killed jim kirk’s dad, then gave him an abusive uncle/step-dad, then literally destroyed one of the founding planets of the Federation, then he, in an iconic fashion, switched Jim and Spock’s places in the infamous “wrath of khan” death scene, so instead Spock gets to watch Jim die. 

and you know what? I can forgive a lot of bullshit for that kind of poetic angsty fanfic plot detail. 

every time uhura says, “an alternate reality,” in star trek 2009 just gives me chills.  every time she says it, you feel the weight of sixty years of history and legacy sitting on these people’s shoulders, the weight of arguably one of the most popular TV shows of all time.

imagine, living in a new world you’re aware isn’t the one that was supposed to be.  imagine that!

oh! and on the question of tarsus:

what I think is probably true irl: JJ Abrams has never thought that far ahead in his life.  correct me if i’m wrong, but hadn’t he.....not even watched star trek.........when he made these movies............like lol i’d bet you this man didn’t even really know Tarsus was a thing.  And even if he did, I don’t think he thought it was part of the new canon he was creating.  AOS is much more self-contained than the serialized universe the original star trek was, so I don’t think that AOS was intended to encompass all those things, like tarsus, that we as a fandom like to obsess over.

what I personally enjoy: i love me some AOS fic that explores the ridiculous amounts of trauma that comes from living through a genocide.  I think that, given we all decided AOS Jim Kirk hates himself, and engages in a shit ton of self-sabotaging and destructive behavior to cope, it’s a reasonable jump to think that at least some of that comes from some survivor’s guilt bullshit from Tarsus.  And honestly, hit me up if you want recs for this, because boy do I have them.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: no one does angst quite like AOS!Jim Kirk.

what I believe wholeheartedly: this is like Schrödinger's Plot Point, okay, it both exists and doesn’t exist simultaneously.  it’s easy to read tarsus into some of jim’s behavior, and it’s easy to read none of it in, and both of those choices are valid.  go with your gut, go with what makes you happy, go with what you think makes sense.  This is where fandom lives, in these little details that fall through the cracks.

anyway WOW did I talk a lot.  those are at least some of my star trek thoughts.  i do have others, but i’ve expounded on them before on this blog, and y’all don’t need me to repeat myself

ask me my thoughts on ______

[ineverlookavvay]

bisexual-aliens-in-arms

Isobel drags Michael to Planet 7 for pride night. It goes far better than expected.

Bi Visibility Day - Day 7 of Michael Guerin Week 2020

cw: alcohol, referenced child abuse, internalized homophobia

Read it on Ao3

“No, “ Michael said, aiming for firm.  “I don’t have time, Iz.”

Isobel scoffed.  “What, are you going to be working on cars all night long?”

There was actually a fairly big backlog of cars to work on, and Michael found he needed the distraction more often than not recently.  Life was complicated, increasingly so, and cars were simple, designed to be a certain way and logically never stray from that.  People sucked a lot more than cars, objectively.  

“Maybe I am.”

“Michael.”  Isobel leaned down onto the hood of the car he was trying to work on, annoyingly in his way.  She was giving him her ‘cut the bullshit’ look, which he was historically not very good at escaping.  “It’s one night, and it’s important to me.  Please come out?”

“I don’t do theme nights.”

Isobel scoffed again, rolling her eyes and trodding directly onto his ego.  “Come on, Michael.  This is my first pride month and you’re supposed to be my bisexual-alien-in-arms.”  She changed tactic abruptly, making the most irritating pouty face he’d ever seen.  “You’re not really going to make me go alone, are you?”

Michael sighed, wiping grease off his hands onto his jeans.  Fucking hell.  “Fine, but you gotta leave me alone for at least a few hours, okay?”  Isobel clapped gleefully.  “You know, some of us work.”

“Let me know if any of those people want a job,” Sanders cut in, ducking in on his way out, looking at Michael’s progress skeptically and ignoring Michael’s scowl.  “Do some damn work.”

“Hell does it look like I’m doing?” Michael called out as Sanders left, still scowling.  Michael fixed a tight smile on Isobel.  “Later, okay?”

She shrugged.  “Fine, but be ready to go at eight.  And try not to look so…” she waved her hand at his general appearance, “mechanic-y.”

Michael wanted to protest that he always looked ‘mechanic-y’ on account of he was a damn mechanic, and besides, the grungy blue-collar cowboy look was still popular as far as he could tell; but seeing as he’d already caved, he would certainly end up losing this argument, too.  So instead, he turned his attention back to the cars.  Michael liked working with his hands, he liked fixing things.  Sure, he might fuck up every relationship he’d ever had, he might break the things in his life constantly, but he could take a broken car and make it a working car, and that was something.  

He was not so secretly dreading the evening, though.  He let himself drift far enough into his work that he wasn’t actively panicking about going to a damn pride night at the local gay bar, which he’d never actually been to, no matter how many times Isobel tried to convince him how great it was.  It’s not that Michael was ashamed, he really wasn’t—but he’d experienced enough bigots and assholes in his life to know that he didn’t need to paint an extra target on his back, either.  

Who he fucked was his own business, and that was how he preferred to keep it.  Isobel was reveling in her newfound sexuality, and he wasn’t about to ruin that for her, but he also knew that a rich white woman was a lot less of a target than a trailer trash cowboy.  He also had an existential dread of any place that resulted in Isobel leaving at the end of the night dripping in glitter.    

Michael didn’t do glitter, and he didn’t do pride month—or at least he hadn’t—and he’d much rather just spend a night with Isobel at the Wild Pony celebrating themselves quietly with a drink that didn’t have anything in it besides the liquor.  Hell, they could go there and celebrate themselves raucously, as long as no one had to know the reason for the celebrating.  

His attempt to distract himself resulted in successfully losing track of time, which meant Isobel was already standing in the junkyard tapping her foot when he went inside to shower and change.  

“You don’t have anything cuter than that?” she asked skeptically when he emerged, clean and dressed in a black button-down.  Isobel was wearing a purplish iridescent crop top that probably came out of her closet circa 2010 and incredibly tight dark blue jeans, with multiple strings of shiny necklaces around her neck.  

“Sorry, I don’t own anything that shiny.”  

That got him a smile at least.  “Listen, Michael, the whole point of pride is to look hot,” he was pretty sure that wasn’t true, “get laid,” he was sure that one was wrong, “and be out and proud while doing it.”  She looked so proud of herself right then that Michael didn’t have the heart to argue.  “Plus, the bi flag has really nice colors.”

Michael smiled in spite of himself.  “Iz, you got me to go with you, you really want to jeopardize that by shit talking my clothing?”

Frowning slightly, she shrugged.  “Fine, but this is why no one thinks you’re the fun alien.” 

“Hey!  I am definitely the fun one,” he argued, striding towards her car and settling in for an inane but companionable argument.

Michael liked bars, in general.  He liked the dark corners and the dirty floors and the smell of alcohol and the down home music and the bluster of it all.  He liked sitting at a bar nursing a drink and feeling like a part of something just by virtue of drinking beside other people.  But Michael hated Planet 7. 

First of all, the whole damn place was trying too hard.  It had far too many lights, all of them overly complicated and flashing stupid colors.  It had a DJ instead of a jukebox, which Isobel implied was something special, that he should be pleased to be experiencing, much to his chagrin.  It had more glitter and confetti littering the floor and on the bar and on the tables than Michael had ever hoped to see in one place.  All the drinks were obscured by ridiculous garnishes.  There was someone sitting at the end of the bar stenciling with face paint on people’s faces, another thing Isobel assured him was a fun and exciting theme night thing.  But most of all, it didn’t make Michael feel safe, or comfortable, or known; this wasn’t his place.

Isobel looked like she’d just walked into her surprise birthday party, though, grinning and strutting in like she owned the place.  “Come on, I’ve been dreaming about their drinks,” she said, beaming, and Michael reluctantly followed her over to the bar.  Michael realized quickly that she hadn’t been dreaming about the drink so much as the bartender.  Which, fair enough. 

Michael let her talk and flirt and took the time to look around again, hoping to find something to be complimentary about so Isobel wouldn’t feel she had to prove how great it all was to him.  It was his own fault then, when he accidentally saw Alex across the room, leaning against a wall, deep in conversation with someone that looked suspiciously like Kyle.  Michael’s stomach did a flip and he turned quickly away, back to Isobel and the bar, half hoping Alex hadn’t seen him.  Michael knew that Alex was single again, or at least that was the last he’d heard, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be caught staring outright. 

“Here,” Isobel thrust a drink into his hand that had a little light-up rainbow color-changing cube masquerading as an ice cube at the bottom of it.  Michael rolled his eyes.  “So what are you feeling?  Wanna dance?  Or I think they’re painting pride flags on people’s faces?”  She sounded giddy, her cheeks flushed and her hair already covered in a ridiculous amount of glitter.  

Michael didn’t have the heart to let her down by telling her he’d rather eat sand than dance or get his face painted without at least a few drinks in his system.  “Whatever you want.” 

Isobel beamed at him.  “See, I knew this would be fun.” 

“Yep,” Michael said, plastering a smile on his fast as she led him over to the person doing the face paint, “cause I’m the fun one.”

By the time he was sitting on a bar stool with someone striping color across his face, Michael was on his second drink, and Isobel's face was already a melty palette of pink, blue, and purple. 

“Isn’t this great?” Isobel said, standing over him and dancing to some unbearable pop song, shaking glitter out of her own hair all over Michael’s head and shoulders.  He could feel it falling onto him like tiny raindrops, securing itself to his shirt and hair and skin with some invisible, terrible glitter power.  He wondered idly how many showers it was going to take until he could walk around without constantly catching the glint of it out of the corner of his eye.  

“Yeah,” Michael agreed, standing up as the face painter proclaimed he was done.  His cheek felt strange, stiff and cold, and he couldn’t get the last of the alcohol out of his glass around the giant fake ice cube.    

“Hey, we have to take a picture,” Isobel said, grinning wider and pulling out her phone while she dragged their faces close enough together to fit into the selfie frame.  She pulled back to look at the picture, nodding with happy satisfaction.  “We are hot,” she proclaimed, “and proud.  Two badass bisexuals.” 

Michael nodded distractedly.  He needed another drink, or maybe just some fresh air, or for the DJ to turn down the goddamned bass, or something.  He hated the feeling of the face paint, and he hated the selfie, he hated how unlike himself he looked, glittery and colorful and trying to smile in a crowd.  Michael stumbled backwards, turning around to face the bar in what he hoped was a mostly intentional-looking maneuver.  He needed another drink.  

The bartender nodded at him and Isobel, bringing over two more glasses of whatever they were drinking.  “Lookin’ good,” she said, and Michael’s chest felt tight. 

It was too loud, and too warm, and Isobel was talking but he couldn’t make out what she was saying.  He drank almost frantically, trying to get enough alcohol into his system that he stopped caring about any of this shit.  Michael glanced around the bar, at all of the people laughing and smiling and looking like they fit in perfectly, and Michael had never felt more like an alien.   He needed to get out, just for a moment, just to catch his breath.  

“I’m, uh, I’m gonna find the bathroom,” he said, coherently enough, and pushed past Isobel towards the back hallway.   

The bathroom was thankfully empty, and quiet as the door swung shut behind him, the music that was so pervasive in the bar just a tinny echo.  Michael braced himself on one of the sinks, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against the scratched mirror.  It was just all so much, and it should have been easy, and the fact that it wasn’t was creating a cacophony of different feelings in his mind, all of it blending together into something like panic.  Michael opened his eyes, willing himself to stay in control.  

He looked at himself in the mirror, and he hated the frantic look in his eyes, hated the smear of color across his cheek like a brand, hated that he could be so comfortable with himself and yet so shaken.  He could feel the urge to push it all away, violently, to shove and shake and break—the only way he had now to make the noise in his head stop.  Michael gripped the sink and thought about tearing the room apart.  He could see it, sinks and toilets tearing out of the wall, tiles slamming against one another into dust, the mirrors cracking and shattering.  The vision of destruction filled his mind, and he was in the middle of it, silent in the eye of the storm, caught in the tornado of his own making—

The door to the bathroom swung open, and Alex stepped through it, looking concerned.  “Are you okay?” 

The vision dropped away from Michael’s eyes, leaving him with only himself, standing in a public bathroom feeling terrified and self-destructive.  He watched in the mirror as Alex twisted the lock on the door and took another cautious step forward. 

“Are you okay?” Alex repeated. “Because you looked not okay.”

“I’m fine,” Michael said, even though his voice sounded thin and shaken.  Alex stepped towards him again and Michael pressed himself forward, closer to the sink, like he could climb into the mirror and avoid this interaction.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Alex, because he did, badly, but he didn’t want Alex to see him in a moment where he felt weak.  “You didn’t have to follow me.”

Alex shrugged, the cracks in the mirror keeping Michael from seeing the nuances of his expression.  “I wanted to see if you were okay.” 

It was meant kindly, but somehow it made Michael feel worse.  Michael stopped watching Alex and focused on his own face, frowning when he saw the painted colors again, loosening his grip on the sink to press uneasily on the skin of his cheek.  He swallowed and dropped his hand quickly, lowering his eyes to the stained white porcelain of the sink.  “I think this paint might be toxic,” he said wryly.  He could tell from Alex’s silence that he saw through the remark. 

“It looks good,” Alex said quietly.  “You look good.”

Michael looked up sharply at Alex’s reflection again.  Alex had his own face painted, a rainbow of stripes adorning his cheek.  “You do, too,” Michael said, meaning it.  Alex did look good—happy and proud and like he wasn’t constantly looking over his shoulder.  It made Michael feel boundlessly happy and endlessly sad, knowing that they’d spent their time together hiding, that they could both be here on this stupid pride night—with Alex looking secure and hot and comfortable—and yet not be together.  Usually Michael would fight or fuck those maudlin feelings away, but that wasn’t really an option tonight.  He sighed.  “But I just don’t…maybe this isn’t my scene.”

Alex was close enough to put a hand on Michael’s shoulder, and he did so cautiously, like he wasn’t sure if Michael would let him.  Michael hoped that someday Alex would be able to touch him without worrying.  He let Alex turn him away from the mirror.  

“Maybe,” Alex said, carefully.  “Or maybe you grew up with assholes telling you this part of you was wrong, that it should be shuttered if you can’t destroy it.” 

Michael’s instinct was to argue that he was fine, and none of his shitty foster parents had gotten to him like that, but he wasn’t sure it was entirely true, and he wasn’t sure that Alex wasn’t saying it for his own benefit as much as for Michael’s.  Alex’s hand was still resting on Michael’s shoulder, and it felt grounding; Michael felt stable under Alex’s hand, under Alex’s unwavering gaze.  He took a deep breath, and as he let it out, Alex seemed to visibly relax, too.  

“You can wash it off, if you want,” Alex said, “and it wouldn’t mean anything.”

Michael shook his head slowly.  “Isobel—” he started.

“We didn’t get the same ‘strong woman, love yourself’ stuff that Isobel did,” Alex interrupted, reaching around Michael to snag a paper towel from the wall dispenser.  “It’s okay.” 

“Isobel would be disappointed,” Michael said numbly, his chest tight with unspoken gratitude, but he didn’t take the paper towel.  Then more quietly:  “Everyone’s always disappointed.”

Alex looked at Michael for a moment, and then shrugged and smiled, like he didn’t know what Michael was talking about, like he wasn’t one of the people Michael kept disappointing.  “This whole thing is supposed to be about celebrating yourself the way you want to, so fuck ‘em.”

Michael smiled back weakly, his hand tracing lightly over the stiff lines of the face paint on his cheek.  He so badly wanted to want to leave it there. 

“It looks better on you,” Michael said, impulsively, reaching out as if to touch Alex’s cheek, and then drawing his hand back at the last moment.  He held his breath as Alex met his eyes and stepped carefully forward, bringing his cheek to Michael’s hand, leaning into his touch far too easily.  “You’ve always looked good with stuff like this.”  He was thinking of Alex as a teenager, with liner painted across his eyelids, and it made Michael ache with nostalgia.  He wanted this—he wanted to be able to tell Alex how the only good memories from that summer were of Alex, to be able to say all the stupid, romantic things he had never gotten the chance to say, to be able to dance with Alex at pride night and have neither of them care who saw.  

“I wish I’d been able to be this with you,” Alex said, his voice raw and quiet.

Michael let out a breath that was almost a laugh, running his fingertips lightly across Alex’s rainbow cheek.  “You’re here now,” he said without thinking about it.  Now was enough.  Michael thought that if he leaned forward and kissed Alex, Alex might let him, that it would be okay if it only existed here, in this moment.  But they owed each other more than that—more than a secret kiss in a bathroom, more than rushing in without talking, without taking enough care that neither of them got hurt, this time.  God, but Michael wanted there to be a ‘this time.’

“So are you,” Alex said pointedly, licking his lips absently in a way that sent Michael’s entire internal equilibrium shifting, like his body was trying to tip him towards Alex.  

The door clattered as someone tried to get into the bathroom, and both of them laughed awkwardly, aware again of their surroundings.  It steadied Michael, kept him from crashing towards Alex the way he desperately wanted to.  Waiting would be smarter; dropping his hand, pulling away and swallowing everything he was feeling, putting on a smile and walking out of the bathroom would be smarter, but he hesitated.

Alex met Michael’s eyes and slowly lifted his own hand and pressed his fingers lightly to the paint on Michael’s cheek, almost exploratory, a gentle caress.  Michael felt his breath coming far too quickly, his earlier discomfort nearly forgotten under the soft way Alex was touching him.  

“You really do look good, Guerin.” Alex said quietly.  “And this place?  This bar?  It’s not my favorite either.  And it—it isn’t home, but it’s safe.  You know?” 

“Where’s home?” Michael asked, somewhat facetiously, his fingertips still barely brushing Alex’s cheek, leaning his cheek into Alex’s touch, unable to stop himself.  Michael knew both of them had been facing the same thing recently—the growing sense that all of the places that had felt comfortable or familiar didn’t feel that way any more, the fear of what it would take to find the places that would feel that way in the future.  

Alex met Michael’s eyes, meaningfully, like he was trying to get Michael to understand something without saying it.  “I think I’ve almost got that figured out,” Alex said finally, and Michael was hit by the realization that Alex wasn’t talking about the bars or the city or the buildings they lived in, but something entirely different.  He thought back to every time he’d ever heard Alex say the word home, with something like longing and questions laid into it, and wondered if maybe he’d been talking about them the whole time.    

Michael was trying to form a response that wouldn’t feel like a deflection, that would convince Alex to actually say what he was saying, when someone banged loudly on the door and Alex pulled away abruptly, leaving Michael’s fingers caressing only air.  Alex smiled apologetically and dropped his hand away from Michael’s cheek.  “You shouldn’t spend the whole night in the bathroom,” Alex said, starting to move towards the door.  “I’ll save you a dance.”

“Didn’t see you dancing before,” Michael said, to take focus from the fact that the image of Alex dancing, and happy, was enough to make every bit of him openly ache with wanting.    

“I wasn’t.”  Alex said, raising an eyebrow.  “But I will with you.”  

Michael exhaled heavily, his voice stolen by the casual way Alex said it, like they’d already decided.  Then again, what was there even to decide?  

Alex licked his lips, hesitating between Michael and the door, then abruptly turned back and crossed to where Michael was standing.  Alex pressed himself into Michael’s space, his hands cradling Michael’s cheeks as he brought their lips together in a quick but searing kiss.  Michael let out a sound halfway between surprise and a moan and kissed Alex back fiercely.  He’d barely gotten his bearings before Alex was pulling away.

Smiling with satisfaction, Alex unlocked the door and slipped through into the noise of the bar.  Michael side-stepped out of the way as someone rushed past him to one of the stalls, watching the door like Alex might come back. 

When he didn’t, Michael turned back to the mirror, staring at himself skeptically for a few minutes, trying to see himself the same way he saw Alex, like someone who was strong enough not to feel foolish, but proud.  He shook his head at his reflection—it was too much, too much to ask of himself at that moment, but he realized that he still didn’t want to leave the bar.  Not when Isobel wanted him there, not when Alex wanted him there.  

It was Alex’s voice, Alex’s smile, in Michael’s head as he decided not to wash the face paint off.   As he decided not to listen to the words in the back of his mind that he tried to pretend he’d forgotten, to brush off with bravado, the ones that came from the screaming foster parents who carried bibles and belts, the ones who told him he was nothing before he was old enough to know anything about himself.  Alex didn’t see Michael that way, any more than Michael saw Alex as any of the things his asshole father had thought of him.  Alex wanted to dance with Michael, wanted to kiss him, and that was reason enough to stop thinking about the colors on his face and leave the bathroom. 

This bar was never going to be Michael’s place, it was never going to be less annoyingly loud and glittery, and it was never going to serve drinks that didn’t make him roll his eyes.  But it could be the first place he’d let Isobel drag him to a pride event, it could be the first place he’d kissed Alex, that Alex had kissed him, since they’d tried to ignore how they would always feel.  It could be that, and that could be enough, even if he hated the damn face paint.

Taking a breath, Michael left the bathroom with his breathing almost back to normal.  He found Isobel quickly, dancing on the edge of a throng of people, and she brightened as soon as he appeared, beckoning him over.

“Thought you might have left,” she said close to his ear when he reached her, almost yelling to be heard above the music.    

“Almost did,” Michael replied distractedly.  He scanned the room, which had gotten significantly more crowded in the short time he’d been gone, until he found Alex, leaning against a wall, clearly watching Michael, too.  He tilted his head, gesturing Alex over, and saw him nod and push slowly away from the wall, 

“What did you say?”  Isobel yelled, and Michael flipped his attention back to her, grinning.  She looked happy, and tipsy, and like she actually wanted him there, and all at once Michael felt lighter. 

“I said fuck you,” he said stridently, louder and closer to her ear.  “Bisexuals-in-arms, right?”

Isobel’s answering smile was brilliant, and Michael realized he hadn’t made a mistake by coming here just for her, because she’d asked him, intentionally, to be there.  And there wasn’t anything wrong with staying for Alex, because neither of them would usually be caught dead in a place like this, and there was something about just showing up that mattered.  

Alex came up beside them, putting a hand gently on Michael’s elbow, just enough to let Michael know he was there.  It felt like a lot more than that, though.  

“Alex!”  Isobel was clearly at the drunk stage where she was friends with everyone.  “Look, we match!”  She gestured happily between her face and Michael’s, and Michael hated that it made him feel even a tiny bit better about the stupid face paint. 

Alex grinned.  “It’s great,” he said and Isobel beamed.  The song changed fluidly to something new, and Alex slid his hand down Michael’s arm until their fingers were clasped together.  Michael couldn’t think of a time he and Alex had held hands in public, not ever.  It felt nice.    

Isobel danced next to them with abandon and Michael let himself sway awkwardly with Alex, trying to actually loosen his grip on his control instead of just slipping into the comfortable persona of someone who didn’t care.  He did care.  He cared that Isobel wanted them to have this connection—something that she and Max didn’t have—even if her way of celebrating it wasn’t entirely in line with his ideal evening.  He cared that Alex wanted to dance with him, that he was holding Michael’s hand in public, even if it was under the guise of dancing, that he cared enough to follow him into the bathroom and knew him well enough to lock the door.    

Isobel paused her dancing to give Michael a very obvious and unsubtle thumbs-up, and Michael didn’t even resent it when Alex laughed.  Michael grinned up at her sparkling, painted face, his hand tightly knit with Alex’s, and let himself enjoy being part of something loudly, even if it was just for the night.  Maybe, Michael reflected, this was what Alex meant by home.  

[daehwifi]

ORANGE . | HWANG MINHYUN

- admin xion

genre: fluff with v smol angst member: hwang minhyun word count: 1, 522 requested: yis !  side notes: I LOVE ORANGE SM !!

prompt: where you get letters from yourself in the future, encouraging you to show signs of how you like minhyun back, before you both go on spring break // dedicated to my lOVELY LOVELY THIGH SWEEPER @xiupch  ily shuri <3 

SHOUJO SERIES

where admin xion rewrites plots of shoujo animes and replaces the characters with wanna one members [won’t be exactly similar to the anime]

seongwoo : ao haru ride jihoon : isshakun friends daniel : kaichou wa maid sama guanlin : kimi no na wa  jinyoung : hotarubi no mori e 

DAY 1 

“minhyun will try to help you up when you fall down in the hallways. he’ll offer you his hand. accept that offer,” 

you chuckled to yourself reading that letter 

“bullshit. minhyun wouldn’t even want to help me in the first place,” you mumbled under your breath

minhyun was a friend of yours in some sort of sense

he was your cliche fuck boy that’d always pick on you

but in a sense, you two were somehow friends 

he was there for all the injuries you got to firstly, laugh at you at how dumb you are and secondly, treat your wounds 

and you’d blush every time he did as you’d remained silent 

“who’s even sending me these letters?” you scoffed to yourself 

rolling your eyes, you threw the letter onto your desk as you headed out for school

you met up with your friends at your desk as they mentioned how great their weekends were 

“woojin got so shy and it was the most cutest thing ever,” kyujin spoke, becoming all flustered 

“ew, that’s my brother you’re talking about,” replied eunkyung 

you rolled your eyes and smiled 

“but eunkyung, you’re dating kyujin’s brother,” you scoffed under your breath as kyujin rolls her eyes

“ew,” she gags as you couldn’t help but burst out into laughter 

“ah- the single life,” you exclaimed like a queen on her throne 

they both shake their heads with smiles across their faces 

“okay but in actual news, minhyun’s gonna be in our gym class again,” spoke eunkyung 

“seriously? he got kicked out of english again?” kyujin commented, gawking her eyes 

“i bet it’s to annoy y/n again,” kyujin mumbles softly as they both look at you

for some reason, the thought of minhyun usually brought you a sour and bitter look

but all you could think of was that letter

“hey guys- this morning i...” you trailed off your sentence, second guessing you choices before you spoke 

“you what?” kyujin provoked 

“nothing. i was just gonna mention how i bought a new hairband since minhyun broke my last one but that’s nothing really important,” you avoided the actual topic you were about to bring up

they bought it and nodded as you smiled a bit to yourself 

when gym rolled around, the familiar annoying boy was being scolded by the gym teacher once again since he was brought into this class 

“y/n! minhyun here has been missing out on all of his english homework, can you help him get caught up since your grade in gym is obviously set at a high score?” your gym teacher spoke 

“well obviously- if she’s gonna keep kicking me out, of course i’m gonna be missing out on work,” minhyun cursed under his breath as you kicked him quickly, without the gym teacher noticing 

forcing a smile, you nodded 

usually, everyone would change into their gym clothes but since you were pulled aside, you were in the school uniform 

“fuck you,” you scoffed 

“with pleasure sweetie,” he replies with sarcastic eyes 

“what are you missing out on?” you ask trying to change the topic

“i don’t know, she kicks me out of class i don’t fucking know what i’m supposed to be doing,” he spoke bitterly 

“you’re fucked,” you teased as he rolled his eyes 

“aren’t you fucked since i’m the one doing it?” he provoked as you couldn’t help but scoff, leaving a bitter-ish smile across your face 

“alRIGHT FUCK THIS” you groaned standing up and storming away 

minhyun followed you, but walked instead 

as you turned a corner, you tripped over thin air and landed on your back as you could hear minhyun’s laugh approaching 

rolling your eyes, minhyun finally comes into sight 

“has the clock struck 12 yet?” he teases as you roll your eyes

he offers you a hand as your mind went back to the letter 

“he’ll offer you his hand. accept that offer,” 

as you found yourself to be a puppet on strings, you accepted his hand as he helped you stand up

“thanks...” you softly spoke as you realized his hand wasn’t letting go of yours 

minhyun was staring at you with an unreadable expression on his face as you could feel yourself becoming flustered 

you let go of his hand as he realized how close you two actually were and becomes flustered as well 

“ah- s-sorry,” he mumbles shyly

“i-it’s fine,” you reply

“okaybye,” you both say at the same time before walking off into two different directions 

DAY 2 

“don’t move. you won’t regret it,” 

you were a bit in shocked when the letter labeled day 1 worked out

the mail only came with 3 envelopes, titled day 1, day 2 and day 3 

but the fact that day 1 was exactly like how the letter explained it, you were starting to possibly believe it was true 

it can’t hurt just to do what it says, can it? 

“what the fuck do you mean by that?” you scoffed under your breath 

“how does one not move?” you questioned to yourself softly

rolling your eyes, you took a deep breath when your eyelids shut down for a bit to take everything in 

you didn’t even know what you were doing at this point

going to school, a sudden pair of hands tapping on your shoulders made you jump a bit as you turned around 

“you get scared easily,” minhyun scoffs as he walks away, suddenly bumping into your shoulder 

you furrowed your eyebrows and shook your head, continuing on with your life like usual

minhyun came into your language class since he got kicked out of history 

the thought of it made you chuckle and roll your eyes but minhyun seemed to notice that action and decided to take a seat next to you 

“minhyun, fuck off,” you mumbled bitterly

“sorry. i seem to be attracted to pretty girls,” he casually spoke as you sat there, a bit flustered from the sudden comment 

you didn’t notice how your cheeks were a bit pink but minhyun did 

he messes up your hair and chuckles a bit, pinching your cheek like a child as you winced in pain

“yes- i called you pretty you idiot,” he mumbles as you slap his hand away from the pain, rubbing your cheek a bit 

guilt took over him as he felt like he pinched your cheek a bit too hard 

“don’t move, you won’t regret it,” 

minhyun suddenly moves in closer and cups your cheek, rubbing his finger back and fourth as his eyes meet yours 

he softly smiles as his eyes became warm

“you’re cute when you’re like that,” he mumbles softly, under his breath

DAY 3 (the day before spring break) 

“he cares about you more than you think,” 

you played with the ends of your hair and your fingers, dangling your feet from the seat outside of the office 

hwang minhyun was never the type to care about you

or at least that’s what you thought 

it’s so easy for one to write the words but to believe it is the hard part 

a girl ran past you and looking behind her was minhyun, walking casually like he did when you fell down 

it’s definitely a lot more easier to write it out then believe it you said to yourself 

“have a nice spring break minhyun!” the girl spoke happily 

“you too,” he replied as she ran off 

minhyun notices your presences and sat beside you

“what are you doing here?” he asked

“debating if i should walk home or get a cab,” you replied as he chuckles and nods 

“what’s the chuckle for?” 

“choosing something like that shouldn’t be hard,” he scoffs as you roll your eyes and shake your head

“for me it is,” you whined like a child as minhyun laughs a bit 

“he cares about you more than you think,” 

“minhyun, what am i to you?” you blurt 

a sigh escapes from his lips as his head turns to face yours

“someone-” he spoke

it sounded like he was going to say more but stopped himself 

“just someone?” you asked 

“someone who i care about,” he spoke 

“he cares about you more than you think,” 

“really?” 

“yeah, why do you think i always treated your wounds?” minhyun spoke with a soft smile that seemed to be contagious

you were smiling a bit as well 

“i’m sending these letters to you because i made the mistake of pushing minhyun away since i assumed he was just like every other person who’d use someone. 

he’s someone that smiles a lot and makes you smile without knowing it and as much as you deny that fact, it’s true. 

since i didn’t tell him how i felt, he moved on thinking that you’d never like him back and ended up dating someone else.

it felt empty and lonely- despite how selfish that may sound. 

i hope you’re able to follow these letters and make sure you don’t find yourself crying inside your pillow like i did. 

hwang minhyun has the warm colors and sweetness under all of his bitter skin-

like an orange.” 

[ras1988world]

TW: mentions of depression and being suicidal

YES! Say it louder for the crappy, self-centered portion of the fandom that really hates female superheroes. First, can we please acknowledge the actual facts. Every single member of the original team left the team. Simmons asked to leave and work undercover to get away from Fitz (btw, supremely unbelievable that she wasn’t killed on day 1 in Hydra), May just ran away to find herself and communicated with no one for 6 months, Coulson left the organization that he led to go on a revenge quest for a women he barely knew and then when Fitzsimmons was taken he freaking hung after saying figure it out ... and let’s not forget Fitz ... Fitz abandoned the team for 6 months while they all covered for him and then risked the entire team so he could throw a hissy fit against the monolith. So no, Daisy did not do anything that every single member of that team had not already done.

And I agree with the second part also. What Daisy went through with Hive and Lincoln was beyond anything that the others had dealt with and run ... and the writers came up with the worst time of mind control because Daisy felt good about what she was doing. When Loki controlled Hawkeye, he was like a zombie. Bucky didn’t even know who he was as the Winter Soldier. Daisy knew them and knows that she hurt them and remembers feeling good about it. What kind of trauma is that! Then to have Lincoln basically tell her that they couldn’t be together right now which in her state sounded like the “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup line and then to stop her from sacrificing herself ... how does one actually recover from that?

And the team and the fandom constantly ignores Daisy’s child hood trauma. She was an unwanted, neglected and abused foster kid who was constantly told that she was not enough and would never be enough, that there were no second chances, that she was unworthy of love and forgiveness. Then let’s not kid ourselves, she lived on the streets for awhile too. You don’t just wipe away 20+ years of trauma like that because some people are sorta nice to you. My frustration with the team has always been that they really never cared enough to realize this ... Coulson telling her to pack her bags after she gets her powers, May telling her that Gonzales was a good man after he had sent agents to kill her, Jemma’s reaction post powers, Fitz not caring at all about Daisy and jumping in the monolith knowing it could kill Daisy ... and the way they handled her post Hive at the end of Season 3 is offensive (except Mack). Daisy had to leave if she was ever to find her way back to being Daisy.

And here’s the thing, Daisy is most definitely not in a good head space. Hive messed with her brain chemistry ... kinda sounds like the worst withdrawal ever. She is depressed ... self-loathing ... guilt ... suicidal ... and all of this plays into her childhood trauma ... she tells Coulson that she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven and that she is a criminal. I can’t even imagine how terrible she must feel thinking of all the people who have dies for her and because of her combines with how little she thinks of herself. At this particular moment, none of the rest of them matter. Oh, I’m sorry are you said that Daisy is depressed. Well, if you really miss her then I guess you matter more than she does. Bullshit. They don’t matter. And if they cared about her at all, they would try to show her that they loved her and not yell at her. Cause here’s the really depressing part of this ... also, why I can never, ever give any props to the AoS writers ... they should be forced to take some mental health awareness seminars because they check every single box for what NOT to do when someone is depressed and suicidal. Mack tells her that she is a burden and that they are cleaning up her mess. Fitz just yells at her and minimizes her trauma and lets her know that everyone is better that she is so one more thing that you failed at. 

I am so beeping fed up with the idea that Daisy betrayed the team. She emphatically did not. She truly believes that she is protecting them. Without her, they will be safe and what she wants doesn’t matter. She doesn’t deserve love or friendship or forgiveness. Instead of fighting for her and trying to undo the damage from Hive, they make it worse. Is it any wonder that after seeing the team that she tries to commit suicide by prison inmate? 

And clearly if fans think that she was threatened Simmons with a gun, then they really shouldn’t be allowed to comment on anything. That was clearly a way to save Simmons from the lie detector test that she had just said was the reason she couldn’t help Daisy.

So can I just say that clearly your rant (@samanthaswishes) triggered my rant ... which was kinda fun because clearly on this we are very much in sync. 

TW: mentions of depression and being suicidal

I'm listening to an aos after-show podcast, and I'm on 4x02 of the podcast, and they're talking about how Daisy left the team, and I'm kind of annoyed that they're actually kind of agreeing with Fitz in this situation? They talked about how everyone on the team has lost somebody. They talk about how Coulson lost Rosalind, how May lost Andrew, how Fitzsimmons have lost each other or whatever, but it goes so much deeper than that. Does no one remember that Daisy was possessed and brainwashed by Hive? Hive literally messed with her brain. He was the equivalent of an addiction. She was literally suffering from WITHDRAWALS!!! Lincoln's death was most likely just the last straw.

Daisy had to get away to focus on herself. Was what she was doing healthy? No. But the team, mostly Fitz, and pretty much the fandom made it about themselves and how hurt they were that Daisy left without taking into account how much Daisy was hurting during this time.

And the people on this podcast were even saying that Daisy leaving was a betrayal of trust. Like how? She didn't sell secrets. No one on the team was put in danger because of her leaving. In her mind, she was protecting them. She never used anything against them (and this is before she pulled a gun on Simmons in 4x04, so let's not bring that up, and I feel like that situation is different all on its own), so what exactly is she betraying? If she ever did anything in a "betrayal" matter, she was either manipulated or brainwashed!

I understand why Daisy left. It's not that she doesn't care. It's that she cares so much. People have literally died for her since she was a baby. I can't imagine what that could do to one's conscience. Because Daisy cares, she left the team, hoping that it'll keep the people she loves safe. After how many people she has lost, I understand why she would want to not think about losing more people. How come whenever Daisy finally makes decisions for herself, she is told that other people are more important? She's literally depressed and suicidal, and they're the ones who are so incredibly hurt? That's not to say that they can't be upset that Daisy had left, but they act like she's doing it with the intention of hurting them. I hate when Daisy is blamed for other people's problems. Not to mention no one on the team seems to care about Daisy's past with foster care and abandonment, but that's a whole other post that I want to make. That was one of the whole points as to why Hive easily brainwashed her and made her addicted to him, but yet again, no one cares about how it affected her. Only how it affected themselves.

Anyway, here's my rant for the day and your reminder that Daisy deserved so much better.

[barrimyr-adin]

Naruto Shippuden E197-201 Notes

So apparently, Danzo did something over the filler arc to become Hokage? Can someone explain what happened to me? I'm a little confused. I'm skipping filler so I went straight from Nagato resurrecting the villagers to this episode.

Karui's voice is really nice.

Holy fuck, Omoi is annoying. I really don't like him.

Wait, when the hell did Tsunade fall into a coma?

How the fuck has Sasuke not been declared a rogue ninja yet?

Seriously, what the fuck? How was he not declared a rogue ninja immediately as he attacked leaf ninja and deserted the villaged to join fucking Orochimaru?

As much as I like Sasuke, this story is way too fucking favorable towards him. It's goddamn bullshit.

Why the fuck would Tsunade even pull those strings with Sasuke? You'd think her experiences with Orochimaru and as a Senju would make her declare him a rogue immediately.

Ugh, I have a feeling I'm gonna hate this arc.

God, I fucking hate you Naruto.

Holy fuck, is Sai finally gonna be relevant again!? Yes, my boy is back!

So Sai's got the caged bird seal too?

Jesus Christ, the Leaf Village is fucking disgusting. I wish this village had been destroyed generations ago.

How the fuck did that escalate so quickly? That was literally the most stupid, irrational thing I've ever seen. Who the hell gets in pointless fights that easily? That went from 0 to 100 in a millisecond.

And what the fuck, Naruto? You could have taken off Sakura's head!

Naruto! You can't just grab a fucking sword! It would still cut right through you! That's the whole point of a fucking sword!

"Why would Sasuke do something like that?" You guys are so fucking stupid. Ya'll act like you even know him. I swear, everytime Sasuke comes up, Sakura's character goes down the gutter. And Naruto's character goes slightly farther down the gutter.

God, Madara has such a sexy voice.

Though I'm pretty sure that's Obito since he's got Kamui.

I still hate that Sasuke thinks of Itachi as a hero now. If anything, after the revelation, Itachi seemed like an even worse person.

I also hate Sasuke's goal of destroying the village. It makes no sense and it's out of character. Sasuke never wanted to destroy the Akatsuki, he just wanted to kill Itachi. Why the fuck would he want to destroy the village now when he knows the only ones responsible who are still alive are Danzo, Homura, and Koharu.

Sakura, please stop being an idiot.

I actually really like Karui. At least when Omoi's not ruining any scene she's in.

Tbh, Omoi is actually tolerable when he's being serious.

Man, Tobi's hair is fucking ridiculous.

Naruto! Sasuke is not your comrade anymore, you fucking moron! He is a traitor!

They're not trying to get vengeance, you moron! They're trying to get justice! They're trying to capture a fucking criminal, you complete and utter moron!

Do trials just not exist in this world?

I get that Kishi's trying to get his themes about hatred and revenge across but it's fucking stupid in every possible way.

Omoi, I fucking hate you.

Sai is the only one with any sense here.

Yeah, and by not betraying Sasuke, he's betraying the village. Betraying pretty much all the villages.

The Reaper Death Seal makes no goddamn sense.

I fucking hate how Naruto always gets his way. It's just fucking given to him too. For once, can Naruto put anything before himself?

Ayyy, back to the Sand Village.

I've said this before but seriously Gaara being Kazekage is so fucking stupid.

Kurotsuchi's only said one line and I think I already like her.

You'd think the Kages would arrive with their own armies as a show of strength rather than just two fucking people. Like seriously, why would just three people go for each nation. It's goddamn stupid, like why not just send diplomats?

Mei's got one hell of a voice actress. Chojuro on the other hand...

Ugh, I can already tell what kind of character Mei is gonna be.

Is this dude's earrings just straight up pieces of paper? Damn this dude must be broke.

I like this Darui guy.

Oh yay, more Sharingan bullshit.

Fuck you, Chojuro. And that other dude is such a fucking gimmick.

Man, Mei could have been a pretty cool character if it weren't for Kishi's usual bullshit.

How is the Raikage walking around in the snow without a fucking shirt on?

WHAT FUCKING VENGEANCE ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, NARUTO!? THE ONLY ONES WHO WOULD FIGHT TO AVENGE SASUKE IS YOU, TAKA, AND MAYBE SAKURA! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!

Jesus fucking Christ, didn't Naruto get over Sakura like 3 years ago?

Did Yamato just imply that the Leaf could have destroyed the Cloud and that they could have committed yet another genocide and that apparently the Cloud should be thankful that they didn't? What the fuck?

The Raikage's face looks really weird sometimes.

Did Raikage just say concessions are forbidden? What?

Is every goddamn character in this series a moron?

I fucking hate the Raikage.

How are all five villages equally stable if the entire leaf village has been demolished?

Wtf? Orochimaru used the Sand! Not the other way around! And Orochimaru and the Akatsuki were on horrible terms by that point!

I am enjoying this political debate though.

So wait, has the village only existed for like a century at the most?

How the fuck do you think choosing the Hokage to lead the alliance is a good idea when they don't even have a village anymore?

Sakura, will you ever fucking learn?

Sai, fuck off. It's not Sakura's job to coddle Naruto or make sure he's not a fucking idiot. And it's not her damn fault that Naruto won't let go of his damn childhood crush (though sakura is guilty of that too).

Sai, seriously fuck off. Naruto chooses to uphold that fucking promise because he's an idiot. No one is making Naruto do anything, he's doing it to himself. Sakura literally hasn't asked him to do anything since they were twelve.

I can't believe Ino still has this fucking crush.

I swear I hate every single one of these goddamn dumbass characters.

Kiba's the only one here with any damn sense.

That mission would have been a success if Shino was there, just saying.

YOU CAN'T RESCUE SASUKE IF THERE'S NOTHING TO RESCUE HIM FROM!

Holy fucking fuck, is the plot ever going to revolve around anything other than Naruto and Sasuke's dicks.

Did Shikamaru's bitch ass just tell people not to lash out recklessly?

This revenge bullshit is complete garbage. Political situations, authority, and laws would prevent this so-called cycle of hatred. People can't just go around getting revenge every two minutes. At least that's how it would be if the writer had even a fraction of a brain.

I really don't think Kishi understands the difference between vengeance and justice.

Sakura, bitch. You don't cause Naruto pain, he causes himself pain.

Remember that prophecy Aunt Wu gave Sokka? That pretty much describes Naruto.

I mean, Raikage makes a good point for him leading the alliance but he acts like a violent and temperamental fool with no understanding of how to build peace so no to that.

This is goddamn bullshit. Mei is obviously the best choice to lead the alliance.

Wait, what the fuck? That guy has a Byakugan?

How is this guy calling out Danzo for taking Shisui's eye when he obviously took a Hyuga's eye?

Ao really didn't think this through. Can't Danzo just deactivate his Sharingan?

At least Ao sees his own faults.

Goddamn Raikage calm down.

Zetsu made one hell of an entrance.

Damn Zetsu is excited.

Raikage's about to show Zetsu what's up.

Jesus Christ, Naruto you act like an ex who hasn't gotten over it yet.

I hope Madara kills Naruto.

[ladieslovingladiesandfics]

Envy

Anon asked:  please do an aos fic where the reader saw coulson and may flirting. because the reader loves may so much they get super jealous and stop coming to tai chi in the morning. may get worried and the reader ended up kissing her. thanks!

Yes, let it be known that I would die for Melinda May and pretty much all the ladies on AoS. cept aida....she scares me

Warning: Philinda, cute shit. Reader is a jealous little baby

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Tai Chi lessons were something May does every day, she had a strict little routine. Every day she would wake up at 6:30 in the morning and practice. Then she’d go get something to eat, and maybe shower if there’s time. One morning however, despite her carefully planned routine, there was a wrench thrown into the mix.

Y/N

The agent had woken up just around the time Melinda began to practice Tai Chi, and curiously watched her. Melinda only sighed and asked the poor (most likely shy) agent if they wanted to join her. They said yes. So Melinda has been spending the mornings practicing Tai Chi with Y/N and the agent would make Melinda breakfast in return for the lessons.

It was a comfortable little routine, and…Melinda found herself eagerly waking up to practice Tai Chi and to eat with Y/N lately. It made her heart thrum happily…and happiness was an emotion she thought she had locked away so long ago.

One morning however, Y/N had failed to show right at 6:30. At first, Melinda didn’t care much for it, thinking they were late. But 6:30 became 7 o’clock…and Y/N never showed. Maybe they were asleep?

So Melinda walked over to the agent’s room, only to pass by them in the hall. “Morning, Y/N.” Melinda says. “You missed our training.” There was something up with the agent. Their eyes were avoiding looking at her, they were fidgeting, and their body posture had become rigid. “Had something happened?”

“Just…slept in.” Y/N answered. “I’m sorry I got stuff to do.” And just like that, they brushed past May without even sparing a single glance at her.

This was a dance that went one for a week now, and Melinda was sick of it. So she went to do some digging. She first went to talk to Coulson, who only answered her with a shrug of his shoulders. Next came Daisy and Jemma, the former snickering behind her hand and Jemma only letting out a sigh and shake of her head. Fitz and Mack were next, and while the mechanic did give May some advice to just talk to Y/N…Fitz seemed to be cackling the moment May had left them to their devices.

So that’s what May did next, go find Y/N and talk to them.

The next day, right at 6:30, Melinda walked over to Y/N’s room and knocked on the door. “Y/N?” she asked. “We need to talk.” There was silence, and the shuffling of cloth…were they trying to hide? “I know you’re in there. I can hear you moving.” Melinda chuckled to herself as the agent murmured curses under their breath before opening the door.

“Morning, May.” Said Y/N, still dressed in their pajamas. “What did you want to talk about?”

“May I come in?” Melinda asks, as Y/N hesitates but steps aside to allow the woman in. The agent closed the door behind May who stood in the middle of the room with arms folded across her chest. “You’ve been avoiding me, and skipping our lessons, for the past week.” Scolded the woman. “Why?”

“I’ve just…been tired.” Y/N answers, still staring at the ground beneath them.

“Bullshit.” Melinda huffs out. “You’ve been avoiding me.” Her voice goes quiet. “Have I done something wrong?”

“H-Huh?!” Y/N gasps, before waving their hands around frantically in panic. “N-No! You did nothing wrong! I-I’m just…coping.”

“Coping?” Melinda questions, before taking a step closer and placing her hands on Y/N’s shoulders. “Why?”

“That….um….you…and…Coulson…are…a…thing…?” Y/N answers, taking quite a bit of effort to spill it out to her.

“Coul…son?” Melinda stares at Y/N, flabbergasted and takes a step back. “Coulson and I?”

“Y-Yeah.” Y/N begins to twiddle their thumbs. “You two were flirting a week ago when he came to watch us do Tai Chi together and-“ “You think Coulson and I are a couple?”

Y/N cringes. “Or, at least have feelings for one another…?”

Melinda goes silent, scarily so. She smiles, softly before suddenly pressing her lips against the agent’s. Y/N melts into the gesture and when they part, Melinda chuckles, “I have a thing for you…and the food you cook.”

“Hehe.” Giggles the other agent, most likely feeling pretty giddy. “Right, I haven’t cooked for you in a while.” “How about you owe me a month’s worth of pancakes, hm?” hums Melinda, taking Y/N’s hand into her own. “Extra syrup.”

“Deal.”

[kinkykinard]

Eleven Questions Tag Game

Rules

1. Always post these rules

2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. Write 11 questions of your own

4. Tag 11 people

Tagged by @mccoymostly

Anna’s Eleven Questions

1. What’s your absolute favorite scene from any film?

In Legally Blonde, when Elle wins Brooke’s case.  I love this scene because it shows everyone that the so-called underdog no one expected to succeed can do whatever she dreams of doing and with an amazing kind of dignity and integrity (by not exposing Brooke’s liposuction alibi).  Growing up, I wanted to be Elle Woods.  She was made fun of, but she didn’t let it get her down.  When obstacles cropped up, she overcame them.  When someone told her she couldn’t, well, she just fucking went and did.  She inspired me a lot growing up.

2. What’s the most terrible book you’ve ever read?

I guess it’s time to admit that I read Fifty Shades...

I read it so that when people fired the “oh but you haven’t read it” argument at me when I tried to tell them how badly written, badly conceived, and wrong it was I could fire back with “oh, but I have” and dear God.  It was so bad it took me about six months to read, a page at a time, and I wanted to set fire to it the whole time.

I was right, though - it’s badly written, it’s poorly conceived, and all kinds of wrong.  It’s sexual exploitation, manipulation, and abuse, and you’ll never convince me otherwise.  As someone knows how healthy, respectful, loving, mutually consensual BDSM should work, I can now honestly say that Fifty Shades is about as good at portraying BDSM as I would be at portraying a semi truck by sticking paper plates made to look like wheels onto my knees and elbows.

3. Star Trek NoTP, and why?

AOS Spones or McSpirk.  I just do not feel the chemistry between Spock and Bones AT ALL in AOS, though I think this is largely because Zachary Quinto’s Spock just isn’t right.  I’m a TOS Spock girl all the way.

4. The four most badass humans to ever walk the earth? If you’re feeling it, I’d love to hear your justification. ;)

Oh man, I have to pick only 4?!

Alexander Fleming - he invented penicillin, the world’s first antibiotic. Without it and other beta-lactams (and next-gen antibiotics that followed), most of us wouldn’t be here - someone in our family line would likely have died of some terrible infection, ending us long before we even began.  Penicillins have helped save millions, if not billions, of lives over the years.

Lise Meitner - a female nuclear physicist who was instrumental in the discovery and theorization of nuclear fission.  She was only allowed to work as a scientist as long as she kept out of the way of the “real scientists” of her time (men), and was not credited with her part in the discovery until a long time after it was presented and widely accepted.  She was a champion for women in STEM.

Adam Foss - no one’s heard of him, I’m sure, but he’s a prosecutor in the US criminal justice system.  He works with youth, doing his best to reduce or eliminate their sentences so that they have a second chance at a life outside of the system.  His goal is to help foster a more caring, compassionate, and fair CJS, especially where PoC are concerned.  He recognizes the power dynamic of white people in power versus PoC in the system and wants to shift it more in favor of PoC.

Anna Julia Cooper - The fourth Black woman in US history to receive a PhD.  She was an educator, a scholar, an author, a sociologist, and a Black Liberation activist.  She was born into slavery and broke out of the system, going on to become hugely successful and to make a difference in the lives of many members of her community.  She revolutionized the way sociologists viewed Black rights at the time and was instrumental in the forward movement of the Black Liberation party.

5. The fictional character you identify most with, and why?

Hermione Granger.  She was picked on a lot for being bookish and a goody two shoes, even by her own friends sometimes, and that’s my childhood in a nutshell.  She overcame a lot of obstacles and stood up for the things that mattered to her, all of which I aspire to do every day of my life.  She’s also rocking the craziest curls, and I also have that problem, only instead of Sleekeazy’s hair potion, I have a flat iron.

6. If you could hang out with one person for a day, living or dead, who would you pick, and why?

Chris Hadfield.  I met him once, briefly, and in those two minutes he inspired me more than anyone else has ever done to reach for my dreams.  He seemed really down to Earth, and I’d just love to hear of all of his adventures on the ISS first hand over coffee.

7. What character, from any source, do you think gives the best kisses, and why?

Bones.  The man is a sensualist, and he feeds off of his partner’s responses.  He knows how to read a body and he adapts to his partner’s reactions until they reach the perfect equilibrium.

8. Who is your favorite artist (any medium; this can be interpreted broadly), and why? 

Leonard Cohen, may he rest in peace.  He was an incredible poet with a golden voice, and growing up on his music and anthologies gave me the deep appreciation of the English language and literature that I have today.  So many of his works resonate with me.  Getting to see him live in concert a few years before his death was the most incredible experience of my life.

9. What’s your favorite theoretical crossover? In other words, what characters, from different fandoms, would you like to see interact, or who would you like to see thrown into a different universe? I hope this question makes sense, guys.

I’d like to see a Star Trek and Torchwood crossover.  I think Bones and Owen would either be BFFs for life, or hate the living shit out of each other.

10. Who is your favorite iconic scientist, and which of their contributions do you find most significant?

I’m a sucker for Charles Darwin, without whose foundation on natural selection and evolution we still might not understand how species change, diverge, evolve, and prosper.  The entirety of biology might not have advanced without his contributions to the discipline.

11. If you could remake any movie, in any way you want, what movie would you pick, and what would you change? 

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  I would make it NOT ALIENS because what kind of X-Files bullshit is this?  Just no.

Bonus, because Anna lives to break rules

If you could make any contribution to any field (cure any illness, make any discovery, invent any technology, write any book or create any art, be remembered for anything), what would it be, and why?

I would perfect oncolytic viral therapy so that cancer was a lot less of a problem and so those affected wouldn’t have to suffer the horrific side effects of chemo or radiation and disfigurement of major surgery for a mere chance at a cure.  It would be effective and targeted with minimal side effects and survival rates would go through the roof.

Jules’ 11 Questions

If you had the power to eliminate any one single form of discrimination (such as racism, sexism, etc), which would it be and why?

If you could live in any one make-believe land or universe, which would it be and why?

If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?

Which of your teachers (in any level of education) had the greatest impact on you - how and why?

If your closest loved one came down with some awful, painful, incurable illness and you could save them in one of two ways, which of these would you pick and why: 1) you can cure them instantly, but the second you do they forget you ever existed and you must live your lives apart, or 2) you can cure them instantly, but you die in their place and they have to live forever without you.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done to impress someone?

How good are you at facing your fears?

What characteristic do you value the most in friends and why?

If you could wake up tomorrow and suddenly be the world’s best at something, what would it be and why?

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever gotten and how?

Name one random fact that you know that people are always surprised to learn when you tell them.

Tagging - @trekken81 @kilismaiden @dolamrothianlady @littlecarowrites @musingsongbird @storiesfromstarfleet @imamotherfuckingstar-lord @starshiphufflebadger @fandomheadrush @youre-on-a-starship @imaginestartrek @medicatemedrmccoy @imoutofmyvulcanmind @enterprisewriting and anyone else who wants to take part!

[haazardous-miinds]

What to do?

So... pretty obvious I have a question. I'm no good with introductions in case someone didn't get the memo but I just have to let this thought out and I don't mind feedback so... yeah. Let me tell you a story about little ol' me. When I was 16 I was a free spirit. I had friends and I had no real insecurities. Sure I wasn't entirely confident in my appearance and I didn't think I had the best of personalities (still things I work on now) but those are things that we all go through and even if it's not these specific insecurities then there are some other to take their place. Point is, I was happy and didn't have any real drama in my life. I was a friend to all and everybody was my friend. The only thing I really lacked were those real friendships, the ones that would last you forever, the ones were you just click and you just love the person you have a friendship with regardless of how much you actually have in common. You just love them and it works. Yeah I didn't have that and I wanted it. Bad. My 16-year-old-self thought "well it just hasn't happened yet. I simply haven't found my people, my FRIENDS, my ride or dies yet" and she was right. Contrary to popular belief not EVERYTHING happens in high school for everybody. Sometimes it takes time and sometimes you just need a change in scenery and boom, things happen that before you only really wished for. Also at 16 I met this girl in my high school that was just a year under me and a few months younger. And sure I befriended her. That's kinda where it all went wrong for me. See this girl (let's call her Becs) was a little different. We were away on a preparation camp for handball and she was on my team and I was the newly appointed captain and she seemed really shy and in her own little world but a cutie all the same. I reached out to Becs and sort of wanted to take her under my wing, make her feel welcomed and safe and comfortable in our team and around all the girls. We clicked. Instantly and I for the first time felt the need to protect someone. I cared for her so deeply so fast that I dares think "could this be? could it be that she's one of my ride or dies?". To cut this part of the story short, Becs and I developed a deep friendship and a very intense one at that. So intense actually that it made me question everything I had ever believed in and it didn't help that around the same time I was discovering my bisexuality, trying to come to terms with it and understand it and on top of that I ended up crushing big time on none other than Becs herself. I know, cliché as fuck. Here's the thing tho; I told her abou my crush on her. I told her everything. She knew exactly how I felt. Becs didn't reciprocate my feelings but she didn't shun me either. She accepted which, I have to give credit where credits due, played an enormous part in me accepting and being cool with myself as a bisexual girl in a conservative surrounding and very judgmental society. So we kept at it, thick as thieves and with that came drama and problems and quite frankly a mindfuck of cosmic proportions. So much so that I even considered suicide at one point and I can't say that I have taken that option completely off the table even after all these years (Yes this still is me keeping it short trust me.) You see while I didn't consider myself popular or one of the cool kids or on top of the social foodchain, I also wasn't at the bottom or the middle really. I was everywhere. But my class? It just ao happened to be filled with princes and princesses of the social hierarchy. I wasn't besties with any of them but at the same time I was invited to everything. Back to Becs, she was somebody that came from a very "socially high" family. She carried on her shoulders a very big name. Thing is around these parts big family names usually come with big ass families as well. So while a lot of her cousins where quite popular she remained in the shadows. I think you are smart enough to figure out what happened next but I'll spell it out for you any way. After basically getting me to cut any social ties I had with my peers off, this bitch goes and turns on me. Turns out she was literally just using me to get to the princes and princesses of my class, the people I had direct access to, the same people who used to invite me to everything. So there you have it; Becs was a social wannabe. Why am I telling you this story tho? It's not like she's unique and the first to do this nor is she the last. Becs was a first to me. She was my first heartbreak. And no it wasn't because I had a crush on her, that kinda went away over time. It wasn't a romantic heartbreak it was a platonic one. And it hurt like a motherfucker... Quick side note here; the way I see it there are two types of heartbreak. The unintentional one and the intentional. Call me delusional but I actually believe that most heartbreakers don't do the heartbreaking on purpose. That's just one of those things where "shit happens" is the perfect description. The Unintentional Heartbreak is easier to get over. It's easier because once you worked through your pain and gotten over your anger, I think you realize that the one who broke your heart did care about you and they minimized the hurt as much as they could, even though they knew at a certain point that there was no going around the hurt that they would cause you. But still they try to be gentle with you in the end. Maybe I'm talking bullshit but that's how I see it. And that's why this type of heartbreak is easier to get over. Because you end up understanding what happened and their actions towards you that ended up causing the heartbreak. And you no longer blame them. The Intentional Heartbreak is quite obviously the opposite. The way I see it, these people are the users and the manipulators of the world. They use who they need to use and throw them away when they don't anymore. They gain your trust and your affection to get what they want but not once do they consider that maybe you take that affection and that trust just a bit more seriously than they do. Sure that doesn't make in intentional. Maybe they seriously were oblivious to the way you felt and how intense you were feeling about them. What makes it intentional? When they know about it. Once they know you feel stronger for them then they do for you or if they come to know that you are taking things more seriously than they initially thought and still go through with whatever it was that they wanted to accomplish. And that's what happened with Becs. When I told her I had a crush on her, and every time one of our intense conversations revealed some deeper feeling of affection or even despair, like when she said she was most likely changing schools and I literally was so mindfucked that I had suicide conversations with her because of that... every single fucking time. She knew. And still she went through with it. Still she kept on wanting to climb that insignificant social ladder even if it could cost a kid's life. Still she kept the con going and then over night treated me like a parasite in front of her "new friends". It took me a long time to accept what had happened in the span of 1 year and 8 months. And I truly thought that after 7 years I'd be over it, that it was just something that happened. My first heartbreak... Only that's just it. It's been 7 years and I just came to the conclusion tonight! that I still am not over it. That it shook me to my core and has actually made me question every single relationship I have ever had be it romantic or platonic and that it's most likely the reason why 99% of them ended up not working out. That hearbreak and the fact that didn't get over it affected me so much so that I don't love myself. I don't think I'm worth a whole lot... Maybe that makes sense in some psychological way, maybe it's "normal" for me to feel the way I feel because of it. Then again maybe it's not. Either way I want to get over it and hopefully one day come to love myself. But I don't know how. I don't know what to do... Any suggestions? (P.S.: english is not my native language so excuse any mistakes I made. And if you came this far, thank you for taking the time to read this rant. Seriously, thank you.)