#anyways. easter ruminations <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

sleeping in my childhood bedroom for the first time since i moved out is it supposed to feel this bad and fucked up or is this just a me thing lmaooo

[its8simplejulesblog]

Happy Easter!

Easter has always been in my top 3 holidays (behind Christmas and Fourth of July) just because of the aesthetic. Spring is my favorite season because I don’t have allergies and being outside is one of my favorite things. The ability to appreciate nature with me is something I really value in relationships and friendships. I think that putting technology away and just wandering around outside is one of my favorite past times. 

There are plenty of places to go hiking around my house. That’s one thing that I really love about Delaware. We may not have much of...anything, but we don’t lack in trails. While I may not be the best hiker (throwback to when I went on a hike with all of my highschool friends and tripped on that tree root and wiped all the way down the hill) I still really value all that nature has to offer. There’s a conservation center near my house called Ashland Nature Center. When people come to visit from out of state, that’s where I like to take them. A few summers ago I was a camp counselor there. I asked specifically for the preschool kids, because that’s my favorite age to work with (and also I’m crazy), and it was such a great experience.

Granted, the lessons got out of hand sometimes. The fact that they put two 17/18 year olds in charge of 15-20 preschoolers in the woods is a little bit worrying, but we managed to always bring everyone back alive (at least to my knowledge). However, even though they often threw worm filled dirt at each other and almost fell off of the wood bridges into the creek and would walk all the way into the woods with us just to immediately tell us they had to go to the bathroom or forgot something at the lodge, I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.

What really fascinates me about kids that age is their interest in just about anything. They would get so excited when we heard frogs croaking and they were always looking for snakes in the most unlikely of places. I remember taking them out with nets to catch butterflies (yes, exactly like animal crossing) and I’ve never seen a group more content to catch absolutely nothing. 

One of my most memorable days though, was when we took them to Red Clay Creek to wade around. Red Clay is quite easily one of my favorite places to hang out in Delaware when I need a quiet place. It really is beautiful.

So it’s me, and my friend (who is the other counselor) and about 15 preschoolers. The creek is divided by some rocks that form a bit of an oval in the center and you need to climb up them in order to get to the calm currents. The issue is that every little kid wanted to climb up the slippery rocks, but they had to wade through the strong current to get there which would virtually knock them all down like bowling pins (not lying, it was kind of funny). Most of them could do it on their own, it was impossible for the two counselors to help them all at once anyway, but there was one boy in particular that just couldn’t. He struggled for a little and I waited to see if he would get over the fear but he started whining and almost crying so I finally went to help him. I just held his hand and we walked together. When we got to the center he begged me to keep holding his hand, but eventually I let go (I’m an asshole), but it was mainly because another kid needed my help and I knew he could do it. Finally though, when he had to climb back down the rocks and go back I ran over to help him but he told me he could do it. It’s crazy how fast little kids gain independence, they really feel like they can all take over the world sometimes. 

I don’t know why this is something I think about when I think of camp. It was about 2 or 3 years ago now, and this is what I remember the most, even more than the dirt fights and hikes and games and water gun competitions. I think it’s because it reminded me how great it was to feel the way little kids feel. I think about how pure and curious I was then, how everything was the most fascinating thing in the world. But as you experience real life more and more that kind of goes away. You start thinking too much about how what everyone else thinks and does will affect you. I thought about this as I watched my home videos the other night. I looked at my parents cradling my little baby self and thought, “wow, if only that baby knew what was coming.” It was a pretty negative thing to think. If I think of life that way, yeah, being a little kid is so much more innocent than being 21. But, if I think of it in regards to that boy I helped climb the rocks, then it’s a lot more positive. 

As we grow older we think back to last year when _______ (fill in the blank with a bad thing) happened, but as cheesy as it sounds. I really wouldn’t want to be any other version of myself than the one I am right now. Each year, each day, each hour and minute you get better and better. 

The whole theme of Easter is rebirth and renewal. My family is Catholic, but we always say that we don’t necessarily believe in the Catholic image of God. However, whether you believe in God or not, you can’t deny that the resurrection story is beautiful. The concept of raising from the dead, against all odds...what. It’s inspiring. I think that in our own, small, remedial lives the faith that we can do the same thing (without actually rising from the dead) is the very essence of rebirth. 

In relation to quarantine, I think that it has changed all of us as individuals, let alone the world. Granted, it’s horrible, but I really hope that everyone that comes out on the other side comes out a better version of themselves. Obviously, if you lost family members or friends, that is easier said than done, and while I can’t directly relate to those people I can empathize with the strength it takes to overcome it. 

So due to the fact that it’s Easter today, I ruminate on what I can do after quarantine is over to become an even better version of myself. Whether that is valuing my relationships even more than before, or continuing my journey with self love. At the end of the day, it is important to recognize that everyone is on their own path. Being loving, supportive, and nonjudgmental about what other people are going through and how they’re dealing with it is often a huge step in becoming a better person. 

One thing that I’m going to do after quarantine, of COURSE, is spend as much time with my friends and family as possible. But also, something I’ve never done before that I really really look forward to doing, is just being nicer to myself. In regards to my last post, I found out that vaginismus is very curable. While I had been sitting around sobbing about it, I never even imagined that if I just got over myself for two seconds and researched it I would have found out that there’s a way to conquer it. And, while I’ll spare you and not talk about it much more after this, I found out that there’s a place in Plainview Ny that specializes in it and I would only have to be there for 10 days until it’s gone. So, my mom and I will most likely be making that trip after quarantine is over and I really can’t wait. 

It really is all about being empowered to change your mind about things. If you pity yourself all the time, then you make yourself a victim and what can a victim do to help themselves..honestly, nothing. If you make yourself dependent then you’ll be waiting around for help your entire life. Me? I’ll be over here helping myself up the rocks. Thank you Jesus ;) 

Happy Easter Everyone <3

-Julia