#anyways yeah that's one thing I'm looking forward to post October

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

Oh, so your girl is taking a gap year next year

[cleolinda]

"Strength (Bell Donner Gives Her Word)"

I posted this short story on LJ back in 2007, and I said I'd repost it here for Halloween. I did an audio reading 15 (!) years ago that I'd like to redo in better quality in the near future; I'm also curious to see what it would sound like now that I'm the age I imagined the main character to be. This version is lightly revised, but the story is mostly the same.

That fall a number of people in Chesterville were mauled to death by some kind of wild dog or coyote—the kind that apparently wasn’t too afraid to go right up to people as they took out their trash at night, or let their own tame, domestic dog out not too long after dawn. But it was a small town out in the sticks, verging on farm territory: quiet. Not like a wild animal was marauding up and down Times Square or anything. Not like it was in plain view. So people just started being more careful—not venturing out alone until midday, or not venturing out at all without a loaded shotgun—and things were all right for a while. Then, in late October, the animal came back, and this time, someone survived.

An old lady by the name of Edna Mayhew—well, yes, she lost her arm from the elbow down, but she came out of it a damn sight better than any of those who’d come before her. And she said that it was a wolf, definitely a wolf, but it had come at her on two legs, and when she had smacked it in the face with a veiny little fist, it had held her down with two arms and bitten her forearm clean off. The only thing that saved her, she declared, was her neighbor Bill “Thursday” Thurston, who had heard her screaming and come out with both barrels blazing. He claimed that the thing he saw ran away on four legs, but that it was, in fact, Goddamn Huge. This was about the time that that new photo of Bigfoot lumbering around on all fours came out, which several professors and scientists swore up and down was just a bear with mange. Eddie at the Red Brick printed out the picture and taped it up by the bar, and the next time Thursday came in for a beer, he said, yeah, the thing he chased off Miz Mayhew kinda looked like that. Maybe it was a wolf with mange. Mange was a terrible thing, after all. He’d managed to hit it with at least one shot, though, so he didn’t think it’d trouble people too much after that.

So, going into November, that was where things stood. Whatever it was, it had mange, and it had probably gone off and died quiet somewhere. Bell Donner wasn’t terribly worried about it when she went outside one morning to get more wood for her kiln. She threw artisan pottery out on a little farm a few miles to the west of Chesterville anyway; every week or so, she’d go into town for groceries, mail out her online orders, maybe stop at the Brick for a burger and a drink, and hear what was to be heard. She had little to tell about herself, but folks like to tell their stories, and she knew Miz Mayhew from the post office. She learned that people were keeping their guns out, their doors locked, and their pets inside; she heard the recitation of tales. But whatever the thing that Bill Thurston shot had been, it and its mange were not likely to bother Bell. Or so she thought, until that morning when she was piling kindling into the crook of her arm, looked up, and saw it standing at the edge of the yard.

It didn’t have a human face, but it was standing—on two long, lanky legs that curved back into hocks like a dog’s. One—arm?—was held close to its belly. Probably protecting wherever Thursday shot it, thought Bell, her brains feeling thick and logy. That was the best reaction she could dredge up: Yeah, six-foot man-shaped wolf thing hunched over in my yard, probably not feeling too good right now. It didn’t have a human face, but it did have a very human expression—desperate, she thought, and cranky. Maybe resentful, even. And hungry.

Bell put down her armful of kindling and picked the axe back up.

The thing staggered forward a step or two. It was still a good twenty feet away.

“Go on, now,” she said. “Get. Ain’t nothin’ here you want.”

The thing gazed at her, its eyes watching the axe; it almost seemed to—calculate? She’d seen it, after all, and it was hungry. A human murderer wouldn’t have let her live, and this wasn’t even human.

Bell hardened her voice and rode over a quaver like it was a speedbump: “Go on now. I won’t tell nobody if you just go.” It was on the tip of her tongue to offer it some food—she had a pot roast from the other night, and she was still knee-deep in leftovers—and then she thought, You dumbass, you feed it once and you’ll never get rid of it. “G’on now,” she said, her hands tight on the axe handle. “Just get. You got my word. I won’t tell nobody.”

It was still standing there, reckoning. And then it stepped back, making a tactical withdrawal into the brush at the back of the yard. She saw it drop back down on four legs and lope away awkwardly towards the thicket out behind the farm, a scrubby bit of forest that led into some of the foothills. Probably some good caves in there, she thought. The wolf-thing wasn’t the only one out there who could calculate. And when the attacks started in Chesterville again, and then moved a bit north—northeast of Bell’s farm, and then back down to Chesterville, and then southeast of her farm, and then back to town again—she knew it was being careful. It knows better than to shit where it eats, she thought to herself. Or eat where it slept, more precisely, but the saying held the same. There were some people at the sheriff’s office who probably would have given a lot to know about a thicket in the foothills west of Chesterville, particularly since Edna Mayhew was still the only survivor. But Bell Donner had given her word; she valued her word almost as much as she valued her life, and they were pretty much the same thing in this case, she decided. After all, it’s one thing to know where something lives. It’s another when something knows where you live, and a deal was a deal where Bell Donner came from.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Flufftober prompt 29: Vacation (Lambert)

chat im going to be so real i didnt mean for there to be so many cult of the lamb fics for this month but ykw im not complaining.... if there was anything i could change, it would be rewriting shamura and narinders pieces esp because their fics were written before the bishops final quests were added in buuuuuuuut its too close to my personal deadline for this as i write this (a few days before october 1st) so yeah heres to hoping i give writing them another shot in the future! list here woo yeah baby plot: you steal the leader away for a day spent at pilgrims passage... its hardly a vacation but its a break the lamb accepts with open arms notes: reader is gn, reader is written as an aquatic creature in mind but you can tune out the details to make them anything, reader is a disciple and has been around for a long long time, takes place post game while the lamb is getting the bishops, they/them pronouns for lambert word count: 1506 cws: none

Things were only getting harder after each addition to the cult, and as dissention grows the Lamb finds themselves getting stretched thinner. Always sent away to retrieve something- or someone- from the world outside the flock.

They were dead tired, despite what they told you; but you could see the drag in their hooves and the way their eyes squinted when a cultist flagged them down for their attention.

So when you noticed the kitchens running low on fish you jumped at the chance to steal the leader away for some much needed time away from the cult. Hence why you are now both standing at the shore of Pilgrim's Passage.

You lower yourself onto the sand and dangle your feet off of the sudden drop, and watched the waves under you. It wasn't still, but they weren't slamming into the rock and dirt. You watch at the red crown shifted into the form of a rod and casts itself into the water.

"You don't need to do that, you can buy from..." You eye darts to the figure a few meters away. "You know, the fisherman." Your mouth tightened a bit as you peeled your eyes away and looked to your leader. "We've more than enough coin to cover it,"

Lambert's mouth worked itself before they looked back down at you, curling it into a faint smile. "I know, but fishing is nicer. It let's me turn my brain off for a while!"

That was true. They would be gone for far longer than one would expect when coming down to the coast.

"You don't have to be here, truth be told I was hoping you'd stay behind and keep an eye on everyone..."

You shrug, fingers sinking deeper into the warm sand. Your fins stretched as you smiled at them. "Julty can handle it on their own! besides who would keep you company and make sure you don't spend the entire weekend here? You know they don't like the water, anyways."

Julty, the yellow cat turned from hard working farmer to devoted disciple.

Lambert says something you can't quite hear, shifting to sit down next to you. Their hands grip the fishing rod, fingers tapping on the reel. "There's still so much work to be done,"

They look so tired, but not defeated.

"The flock is growing and there needs to be precautions set, with the bishops... I'm surprised Leshy hasn't burned anything down yet, but we're struggling to keep up with Heket's appetite." They mumble the last part to themselves.

"Why not kill them?" You want to say, but the words don't dare sneak past your lips. If Lambert wanted the bishops dead, they would have done so already- they'd never think to bring them to the flock. There has to be a reason they've brought them here, even if temporarily.

You shift your jaw, and you lean forward over the edge of the drop as the Lamb begins talking to themselves again.

"And if the flock finds out the bishops are here, the dissention could- HEY-" They scramble to grab at you before you can fall into the water but they're not fast enough.

In an instant you're under the waves, the water warm against your scaled body. Your head breaks the surface as you smile up at your leader, who was about to jump to follow you... You file that away for later. "Why-" They began before you shot a stream of water through your mouth at them.

They splutter and glare down at you, although they don't seem to be all that angry. You duck under the water as the red crown morphs into something- what form it takes you don't know, as everything fades into darkness as you lower yourself into the water.

The hook of the fishing rod breaks the surface above you.

You stare at it, before a grin breaks across your face. You hook a finger around it and give it a tug. Lambert tugs back, not enough to tear you out of the water or bring you closer to the shore- but enough to raise you closer to the water's surface. You swim upwards, clinging onto the line.

"Oh dear it appears I've been caught!" You cry out into the air as you let the line pull you.

"Yup," The Lamb pulls you even closer, face still dripping with water. "I've never caught a talking fish before... real big one too, maybe we can use this one for a feast!"

You tug away from the line, grin evident on your face as you watch your leader grip the rod tighter in their hands. "No! I wouldn't taste good-" You give another tug.

"Or maybe we could indulge and eat this one live and strung up-" They grin back at you.

You give another tug, this one a little too rough- you snap around and splash water everywhere just in time to see Lambert falling forward into the water.

"Shit- shitshitshit-" You hiss as you dive forward, stopping only when Lambert emerges from the waves.

"My lead-" You begin before they splash salty water in your face. Your face scrunches as you begin to splutter out of instinct. "That's for getting my face wet."

You gag, but the salt water wasn't anything new to you. "So mean, I was just trying to help you cool off is all-" You spit into the ocean and sink chin deep into the water, leaving only your face visible.

You open an eye and look at the lamb, who was wading through the water. It wasn't deep here, only high enough to come up to their chest. You rise to your feet in the water, no longer needing to swim now that you were in the shallower parts of the water.

"Lambert?"

"There aren't really any fish here today, maybe I should have done a ritual for some luck..."

You frown, they'd already returned to prioritizing the flock. You drag your feet through the water. "We've still got plenty of other meats, and as I said earlier you can always just buy some fish."

They frown, before clapping their palms together and taking a deep breath. "That's fine, I can just run through Anchordeep and get some, I need to go there anyways to get Kallamar,"

"Lambert," You said their name firmer this time. Finally, they looked at you. Their bell jingled softly as they raised an ear. "Hm?" is all they give you.

"You can go to Anchordeep later, there isn't really a rush is there? You just got done with Anura-" You walk with them to the dock, and help them up onto the wood. "The bishops can wait for you, I'm sure a few days is a blink for them."

Lambert lowered their hands to pull you up from the water. You take them, and they pull you up next to them. You both sit on the dock, their hands still wrapped around yours.

Their fingers squeeze you, before relaxing. Their face is screwed in thought, eyes fixated somewhere on your face. For a moment, they almost seem sad. For what, you can't say.

"Time is different for Gods, but that doesn't mean I don't have a job to finish,"

They pause as they watch your eyes burn into theirs.

"But," They cling tighter onto your hands once more. "I suppose, the flock can manage themselves for a little while longer."

They turn your hand over and trace their thumb along your palm. Then, their fingers interlock with yours.

You smile just slightly as you look out to the sea. The sun had begun to lower and cast it's light across the water, staining it orange.

"We can try to fish again tomorrow, I can help you," You offered. "So you don't come back to the flock empty handed,"

"I'd like that very much."

"How does four days sound?" You ask, "Then we can return, that should be enough time to catch plenty."

They turn over your words in their head.

"Three days, I do not want to leave Julty with all the work,"

"There's other disciples... but.." You trail off and swing your feet over the edge of the dock. The Lamb grips you, preventing any chance of diving back into the water. Not that the thought crossed your mind. "Three days can work,"

They nod, and rise to their feet. "Where are you going?" You ask.

"Checking to see if the Lighthouse Keeper has a spare place to rest for the time being,"

You watch them walk to the edge of the dock, before turning to their left to the lighthouse.

The waves shift under you, hitting the dock's support. Still, the Lamb was putting the needs of their flock before themselves. Lambert did not need to sleep.

You pull your knees up to your chest and watch the light glint through the sea. Beautiful shades of orange and yellow and blue shimmer for you. By the time Lambert returns, the sun had long set.

[annakie]

FIXING THE HOUSE: Chapter 12 - We Can Make It on the Outside

Part One: I Do Not, In Fact, Have the Power

Part Two: Let’s Spend Lots of Money!

Part Three: All These Things That I’ve Done

Part Four: I Really Want to Stay At My House

A little interlude.

Part Five: Power Down

Part Six: You Will Leave Some Paint

Part Seven: Backwards to go Forwards

Part Eight: Master of Bathrooms

Part Nine: Within a Room, Somewhere

Part Ten: Rooms With No View

Part Eleven: Big Bang Room Part A and also Part B!

Part Twelve: We Can Make It On the Outside (YOU ARE HERE)

Part Thirteen: Mauve Haze Symphony

Part Fourteen (A) - In the Kitchen

Part Fourteen (B) - Copper Green

Hi, I know it's been like a week and a half but I was damn busy. I went to Minnesota and saw my buddies @ahab99 and @gloriousclio for a long weekend and it was fantastic! And then just generally busy since I got home, doing lots of projects for home and other personal life reasons. But there's still two posts to go after this one, so let's actually finish this!

Today we're going to talk about the garage and I think also just like, outside in general? And we'll leave the two biggest reveals for last.

Let's leave the living room and first head into the garage!

Look, the garage is not that exciting. The most exciting thing tbh was the fact that I got it like, halfway cleaned out back in July.

It's been too damn hot, YES EVEN IN OCTOBER to really finish the job after I, tbh, worked too hard on it in July, but I'm still glad I did that because of how bad it needed it, but we covered that already.

So I said this before but I made enough space to easily walk around, I put up some metal shelving for more storage/organization, and did some general tidying, so hey you can walk through it now.

There's a significant amount of stuff sitting in it that I'm waiting for a friend of mine to come get, idk when that's going to happen but I hope soon. Like a loveseat, a vacuum cleaner, a small desk etc. When those things are out, it'll be even better.

There's also several bags of clothes that need to go get donated and one bag of fandom-related shirts I was going to sell cheap here on tumblr maybe if I ever get around to it.

So one big improvement was just the fact that the drywall was starting to get real iffy. Some of it was straight up threatening to fall down. So that's fixed. I do not care that the new drywall is blue. It's a garage, I'll deal with it later, maybe. Also hey, shelving! Still messier than I want it to be. At least all that crap isn't on the floor anymore.

Also, no pic for this but apparently one of the beams across the ceiling in the garage was either loose or had come completely off the joist, maybe during the re-roofing? Anyway, Arturo fixed that, too.

So yeah, the workbench is still messy BUT.. remember way, WAY BACK in Part Two when I had no internet one night because the plug for this internet box was on the ceiling over my garage and it'd come loose, but I couldn't plug it back in because it was right over my car, which was blocked in by a dumpster?

Yeah, well, see, that won't be a problem again. Yay, I have power next to the workbench! A brand new outlet.

Crazy that there wasn't one there before. The only actual outlet nearby was against the back wall, pretty far away. And that outlet was SCARY. Very loose, felt really unsafe. It's been rewired and looks good now, too.

The most noticable improvement was this...

OK, see? Still TUFF there. It's actually a little better now. BUT... the windows! You can see through them! They don't have paint smeared on them! None of them have been shot through with a BB gun!

Look I love the kids who live across the street (and there are ALWAYS kids in that house, the kids who were kids when I moved in 21 years ago now have their own children, and there are always other kids there.) But occasionally they cause mischief and at SOME point someone shot a BB through my window and also into the siding a bit. I don't have any proof who did it or honestly exactly when, so I never confronted them, but it irked me for the last 2 or 3 years when it was there.

They were also just original to the house, and needed replacing. So now they've been replaced and look nice!

OK, enough of the dirty, stinky garage, at least until it gets actually cleaned out more.

-----

THE FRONT EXTERIOR!

The picture at the top of this post was the last picture I had from "Before" and that was taken day one of roof work back in late June or early July. The old roof, old gutters, old windows... etc. Just old and tired looking. You can see huge cracks in the driveway.

TBH it was starting to just look run down. Other problems were like, the garage door needed painting, honestly everything except the poles needed painting and that's only because they'd gotten so bad a couple of years ago that I had asked my lawn guy do it.

Obviously most of the things that improved the interior along that wall improved the exterior, like the windows and door.

All of the black trim along the fake shutters and next to the door got a fresh coat of black paint. The windows got touched up. I thought about replacing the light fixture but it's only like 10 years old so I didn't.

TBH the brick and cement could use a power wash, I need to talk to my neighbor's son about that since he does power washing. The new door especially looks so pretty. It also needed to be swept in that pic, it has since been, and the bushes trimmed.

My neighbor Veronica keeps reminding me that the bushes out front are too high, and she's right. I talked to my lawn guy about it and we decided to cut them way down in the spring when they'll start to grow back again.

Another improvement outside is security. I have a door lock camera, another camera you can't see in these pictures covering the front porch. There's a motion sensor spotlight camera over the driveway. And more stuff you'll see.

See? Camera.

New windows! Painted garage door!

The plan had been originally to power wash the driveway here. But there were those two HUGE cracks that were a problem. We filled them in with caulk(?) and cement but then you got... well, what's there. Also looked real bad.

Arturo ended up with a couple of extra bags of cement from another project. So he ended up putting a new entire layer of cement over the driveway.

He said it won't last forever, probably in the next couple of years we'll need to do a new driveway in order for it to look good, but by the time we got to this, the money was really starting to run dry.

So here's the front of the house now! It's so much better! Still has a little ways to go, but definitely not in the running for the shame of the block anymore.

Couple of other small things happened, including me washing the glass in my little lamppost, and spending $34 on ONE replacement pane that had broken long ago but it now looks fresh and whole.

There's also now a little sign you can kind of see on the door in a pleasant script that says "NO SOLICITING! Family, friends and Neighbors welcome!" I'm not sure if it's actually working or if people are just skipping my house now that it's clear I DON'T need new windows, but I haven't had any randos knock in a month or two since it went up.

---

Had Arturo make a small improvement to my gates -- there were just BIG gaps between the doors and the walls. Like you could pretty easily see my entire backyard if you wanted to peek in at either door.

So he bought and installed a border around both doors of the same cedar wood, and I had saved a quarter bucket of the stain from Joel so it got painted. I also put locks on the gates because the locks the gates came with seemed pretty easy to open from the outside with like, a coat hanger. Now... not possible.

The sidewalk is swept and most of that junk is gone now, though I'm still waiting on my friend to come get the extra granite that he requested Arturo bring for him. STOP CLUTTERING UP MY HOUSE!! :D

But tbh, I don't have the funds and haven't had the time to pretty up the sides of the yard yet.

BUT... big improvements have been made on the patio!

---

You may recall that the patio was in various states of looking pretty much like this all summer.

Eventually, as we finished up projects, the patio started getting a little cleaner and a little cleaner, combined with Monday or Tuesday Morning cleanups.

Hey, an empty, but ugly, patio floor! You may recall the patio ceiling got painted and the ceiling fan went up very early.

What's this? It's just ONE color instead of three or four worn through colors? I love it!! A nice green, which, again, was a darker shade on the same card as the ceiling color. I'm probably going to need to do yearly touchups but I have the can of paint for that for at least the next year or so. Believe it or not, these are not the same greens as in the dining room, nor the master bath, or the k-- wait we'll get to that. Just a lot of shades of green in the house, all different!

The patio furniture I think I mentioned at some other point got painted from stained red to the same color as the patio ceiling. I bought new grey cushions that look fantastic with them.

I also had taken the rug that had been under my computer desk the last couple of years and washed it off in the backyard, let it dry, then rolled it up and put it in the corner of the patio and forgot about it for a month or two.

When I was finishing the final cleanout of the patio for the painting I had an idea of what to do with it!

I also, back when all this started, had bought an adirondack chair. I wanted a nice lounger to relax on in my backyard, even though I had four perfectly good matching chairs already. But I wanted to lounge. I bought it in like... June, I think? The box arrived, I dragged it to the patio and it basically became a table for two months.

Just this last week I finally unboxed it, and spent three hours putting it together. I do love it!

The rug really adds a bit of homey-ness to the patio I think. It'll probably be need to tossed in a couple of years, but for now, I really like the look.

Hey, you can also see the new bathroom window from the outside here!

I really think the patio came together well. There's an element or two still missing.

And also... what's this?

I bought a house for my feral boys Buster and Peter for the winter! I really wanted them to have somewhere protected from the elements for those long week or three where it's actually cold in Dallas in the winter. I also wanted something that looked cute and gave them both their own space.

Still working on getting them to understand that it's for them, but Peter has at least checked it out!

Buster is under a chair over there being unimpressed. But also it's still in the 60's or 70's at night so they haven't needed it yet. I'm sprinkling food and treats in and on it to get them to try to investigate at least. There are warm beds on both the top and bottom levels for them. And you can see they also have beds in the chairs/floor where I see them sleeping.

They get oral flea medication every month or so btw.

The backyard is covered with cameras covering every inch. Nice cameras that solar recharge and are in high resolution. Every entrance of the house has at least two angles on it now. I'm really happy with that setup. Plus of course monitored alarm system.

There's no perfect home security, but I feel like I've made my house an unattractive target, at least. There are also generic signs posted about the video/alarm surveillance.

ANWYAY...

Fry and Pemily have also been enjoying supervised visits outside!

Fry loves dirt. Pemily loves just chilling out. I love hanging out out there after work and chilling with them. I do want to get a little side table for the lounger, but in due time. And YES I WEAR CROCS AROUND THE HOUSE. They're comfortable, ok? :D

Still gotta get the generator hooked up, and at some point actually finish beatifying the outside, but that's gonna take more money han I have left over now. I'll keep working on it, but also right now I'm letting myself just enjoy it.

OK! Back inside next time for the last two updates!

[georgiapeach30513]

RE: Sundance.

It looks like indie wire had an article saying Celine’s movie wouldn’t be at Sundance because it’s not ready and more likely to attend a fall festival or Cannes.

I don’t know where the article is but I’m sure someone here can find it.

If true, I think Celine is still working on her film and if it got any mixed reactions initially, maybe she wants to rework things and etc. She seems like a perfectionist so that’s what I think. One thing I’ll say about her is that her first feature got a best picture and screenplay nom. The industry will be watching her. I don’t think her second film will go unnoticed in anyway.

Re: sacrifice. I’m more and more starting to lean into this film having some interesting outcomes when it does release. It JUST wrapped so if it does release I’m thinking later next year or even 2026. But I saw someone post the wrap announcement on the Oscar’s buzz subreddit. I’m not sure why (lol) but I think once the film finishes post you’ll start to get a better idea of where it’s going to end up. I LOVE that Anya and Chris trusted Romain’s vision. Maybe it won’t be for everyone but I am willing to bet it won’t be predictable. 😉

Honey Don’t seems like the toss up. It could go the way of drive away dolls or it could go the way of some completely different way. 🤣 Margaret Q will be busy with awards season so I wonder how that release will pan out.

Early prediction: Chris is planning to do more indie films and niche projects so if avengers doomsday is confirmed, he’s getting a big cash payout and his role won’t be as big as RDJ/doom so he can pursue his passion projects on the side. I also think he’s going to go in heavy in the niche department because the critics and audiences have spoken. They don’t want to see his potential wasted. They are basically yelling at him to go for it and I think you’re going to see some changes moving forward.

Yeah, there was a screening in September/October (it's a bit late, and I can't remember which month). And the one review that is out there it said that it was a very rough cut. Celine seems to be quite the perfectionist, which is want you want in a writer/director. I'll wait patiently for what she thinks is best. Although, I did want it to go to Sundance, so I would have had a chance to see it, oh well.

I am extremely excited about Sacrifice. The cast and crew kept us well fed on behind the scenes moments, and even provided us with some interesting aesthetic posts on what the movie could look like. Visually it will be a beautiful movie. And Romain has worked with that crew in the past. There is one photo that I haven't yet posted, and it's what the cult is going to look like. I had thought about doing somewhat of a video montage, but who knows. My life is a bit chaotic at the moment.

Honey, Don't will be interesting to say the least. He won't have a huge role in that movie, but I'm sure it'll be a scene stealing moment for him. It usually is.

I do think Chris will use his big movie moments to continue to live his comfortable lifestyle, and then do movies he's artistically more interested in. The year 2024 was him going back to those quirky and different movies.

[turoce]

Seana's 2023 art highlights

(surprisingly, not a reupload this time!)

January: i drew nothing! we're off to a great start.

February: i drew something! i love Champ even if i haven't drawn anything tf2 related since April. i think it was this piece where i decided to give Champ RED coloring. [link]

also, this is the month i made my second Moldy plush.... i wasn't very happy with this one, though. [link]

March: uhhhh. more of my tf2 ocs but i think those aren't that interesting. just go to my tf2 oc blog @brokenbrainstormbulb if you wanna see them honestly, i have an image limit to keep ffs. that said, this was around the time i got into TC2, so i drew a lot of that kind of stuff... i'm never drawing stuff for it ever again, sorry. [link]

April: look at the cool thing i drew for a fellow tf2 robot fan! now, this is the point in time where i start drawing more because of a certain interest, so look forward to all the art that'll come up here.....

May: wow, this really was my first public piece of Papa Louie art, huh. i was so proud of it when i showed it off on tumblr the first time... i don't like it as much anymore. for one, the office wall color is wrong.... i still can't believe Papa Louie was what got me out of art block, but god, i'm glad it did. i don't think i've drawn this much before, and even though the community's tiny, i'm glad to give back as much as i can. anyways, i said something like "it's so funny that people think they're either super married or divorced as hell" on the same post. i still think that, and it's defos funny as hell, but i've grown a kind of appreciation towards the ship as well. like yeah, you go girls, we love that extra slow burn with so many road bumps on the way! [link]

June: how the hell did i pump this out. this was also like a few days before i had to leave for the airport too... i don't know myself sometimes. i swear i still love Boigashipping! i just... i'm just busy with other ships okkkk [link]

July: i didn't draw anything...? i was in Bali. and i was busy selling adopt designs to draw anything substantial, oopsie! actually, i DID draw the first part of WDB... it's uh, still the only part. i'm sorry!!!! i'm sorry!!!! i swear i have the whole thing outlined!!! can you just give me anons about the story instead so you won't have to wonder what comes next!! [link]

August: TOSI fixation. it had not gone past it's conceptual stage, i must note. i do wish i would do something about it though. [link]

September: the art trade i did with my friend! actually, i was a few weeks late with my part, so it was supposed to be finished by August. oops. i like the textures tbh. my Chuseok drawings.... i need to draw more characters in hanbok, hee hee. [link]

October: (breaths in) ...this is the month i finally gave into the JoGotcha wantings. LOOK. ever since someone put the idea into my brain i couldn't get enough of it, and like,, nobody draws the ship anymore so i had to take matters into my own hands. this is the first ship i'm this obsessed with. i usually leave ship stuff to other people but this time that wasn't enough and i... i had to do SOMETHING, y'know? [link]

Cringetober? who's that? haha;; i stopped feeling like doing the whole list after less than a week. impressive.

November: oh look, Plushy Power League. Quinn didn't win, but i do like the thing i drew as propaganda, so whateves. the first Papa Louie character i ever drew (minus Chuck and Taylor)... did i change how i draw her? uhh. maybe? i'm not too sure. [link]

also look! the keychain drawing... i need to talk about my Gods and Monsters au again at some point. actually, since i last uploaded the image of my keychain, i revised it tons... it's kinda different now, and i defos think it looks better. this is actually the time i finally fixed the stupid display setting thing that was really messing up my coloring! [link 1] [link 2]

December: ...oops! tablet broke. and i got my 3ds back so i just didn't draw that much even after exams were over. didn't stop me from drawing though, and in fact i think i made something pretty neat with my christmas art.... even if it did come one day late. [link]

wow. that's a whole year of stuff... and that's defos a lot! i think i'm really happy with what i drew this year.... i don't know what was in my water the last few years but my art highlights felt really.... miserable? for some reason. i mean, yeah, i didn't do a lot of what i had planned (GOE ANIMATIC IM SORRY) but i can see that i've done just as much with my hands anyways, so like, who cares? plus, i always have next year... that's coming in 3 hours, oh god- so, maybe i won't be too hard on myself for not fulfilling my goals... like, i kinda glossed over it, but i did sell my designs for money, and that's like, really impressive! so many people around me buy and sell their art stuff already, so i guess i didn't really register it as something to be proud of... but doing that shit (making, and marketing) is hard!! so like, it's a wow moment for me!

anyways, i'm tired, i only came back home a few hours ago, and i need to get up again for church in a few hours.... mrphgdjd. lets stop being sentimental, and i'll see you people next year. that's a long way off! hope you don't miss me.

[butmakeitgayblog]

Okay fam imma summarise this one. Ali Kreiger (literal goddess and 2 time fifa world cup champion who actually played on all games) and Ashlyn Harris (claims to be a 2 time world cup champion too despite not playing a single game like i said literal benchwarmer with a questionable mullet) have been together for more than a decade, got married and has two kids. Flash forward to October last year where Ali has been posting photos of herself looking mighty fine with captions referencing Beyonces infamous cheating album “lemonade”. “Preparing for playoffs while in my Beyoncé lemonade era” is what she said. it don’t need to take no genius to know what that means. Turns out it was with Sophia Bush (also a goddess of an actress with that trademark raspy voice) she was cheating with. And even their teammates are on Ali’s side mind you they’ve been best friends with each other for more than a decade so they all know what’s up. And the face of USWNT Alex Morgan herself even joined in on the chaos and said “These comments do not disappoint” regarding that lemonade era post. Ashlyn fumbled an unproblematic goddess to a woman who doesn’t mind cheating and covers it up by telling a heartwarming story of coming out. The end.

Ohhh right ok I dimly remember seeing something about this awhile back. You'll have to forgive me cuz I don't follow soccer beyond just thinking Christen Press is very pretty 😩 Sam watches soccer, but we have a tacit agreement that she doesn't inflict that or any soccer talk on me because within like 4 to 7 minutes my eyes glaze over (which as trade off I don't inflict any baseball talk or watching on her, cuz give'n'take ya know)

That being said I thought it was later said that they'd already seperated but not divorced or something? Like yeah it was a fast turn around in dating but that they'd actually been separated and not living together for a bit before mullet and the Bush lady got together, but Ali thought they were working to reconcile? I have no idea if that's right I just feel like I vaguely remember that? The Lemonade references tho,,,, woof. I mean that def points to cheating so, idk.

My general 2 thoughts tho from an outside perspective with like almost zero actual knowledge of the situation, 1. Ashlyn is such a douchey name. Ashlyn. I'm so sorry to anyone named that who is genuinely a great person and you should sue your parents for doing that to you. Ashlyn. It's like the girl version of Trey, just like ugh I hear that name and already know you're a dick lol.

Anyway, 2. The thing with cheating is, I pretty much always blame the partner who cheated more than the other person. Yes the friend sucks for doing that, no question, but the truth is no one can make a partner cheat. If they cheat, they were already looking to cheat in some way or another, consciously or not, and it all comes down to who they found to cheat with. So if all that is true, while yeah Bush sucks as a friend no doubt, really she shouldn't feel too-too happy in her position because 9/10 times it ends up being more a matter of 'you were the easiest and most convenient option' rather than 'this love was just too strong and we couldn't resist' even tho it might feel that way for the cheater(s). I'm not saying relationships that start off from cheating can't or won't last, because they can and they have. But fundamentally, one or both partners should at least be mildly aware that the person who cheated on their SI was already open to cheating in the first place. You just gave them the opportunity 👀

[callioope]

I want to scream into the void and rant about offline stuff, but I also feel this huge hesitation of posting too much detail on the internet, so, here's as short and vague as I could pare it down to:

just basically feeling super overwhelmed by "adulting" offline stuff including: buying a new house, moving but taking several months to actually pack/move/unpack, selling the old house, shopping for more furniture to fill the new house, being constantly ill since early October, researching and choosing new doctors (including primary care and OBGYN), having a rough stretch of OCD and anxiety ickiness, having to stop fencing for medical reasons (not related to fencing, i did not get injured, i just have Other stuff going on), and experiencing the general holiday fatigue of gift shopping and event hopping

I spend my free time handling the above items, on top of the usual daily chores of, you know, laundry and cleaning and "what do you mean i have to make another meal again i just ate"

and i haven't really had any time to connect with my creative outlets -- posting on tumblr, writing, playing the uke, even DND to a small extent (not enough time to put into character building between sessions) although DND has been like the ONE thing still happening

and it just sucks and I want to write but when I finally do get time I'm just so tired, so i just ended up scrolling mindlessly on tumblr or watching dumb youtube videos -- if I'm lucky instead I'll watch an actual play show but for a bit I was caught up on CR and Fantasy High and didn't know what to watch next because the next season comes out so soon so I don't want to get caught up in something else

[side bar: been working my way through one-shots, finished the amazing Escape from the Bloodkeep and I'm almost done with Mice and Murder. Mice and Murder has been super fun and entertaining and I kinda want to play a clue style rpg now -- side side bar but i collect clue variations -- and with the RO anniversary on my mind I've been wanting to read like a clue or sherlock holmes style AU but i have been having trouble finding one? like it can't have been 7 years with no sherlock holmes type rebelcaptain AU? maybe i need to try different AUs or search terms or filters? anyways. would also read a shadowgast murder mystery AU too, still mostly reading shadowgast fic anyways although EVEN FIC I haven't been reading as much either, but the RO anniversary had me thinking about Them again a little bit]

anyways i kinda felt like posting here would help me feel a little bit more connected, i guess, to the creative side of myself? since this is sort of my primary creative outlet, or used to be, if that makes sense.

also i saw a post about something called get your words out, which had some writing goals that looked attainable even for me with all the Stuff happening, and that has felt a little bit like -- something to maybe look forward to, to maybe help me get back into things... I don't know if I'll pledge yet and maybe I'd just do something for myself in that vein but yeah. something more interesting to think about than searching my insurance website or shopping for shelving or chairs or sofas...

gonna go back to watching Mice and Murder. thanks for reading this rant.

[raevenlywrites]

I am, thanks.

I started the post the week my grandmother was dying. I live 6hrs away from all my family and I was feeling really alone and isolated from them, unable to gather with them and help shoulder my part of the burden of her passing. I'd already gotten to say my goodbyes a few months earlier, so it was just wishing I had some way to support the rest of my family, to feel like I was still a part of them. I felt alone and ineffectual and like a spec in a too big universe.

I made a shitpost on the way to work and kept adding to it bc it was something else to think about. I fixated on it, and did the really unhealthy thing of hanging my emotional state on it.

luckily, tumblr delivered. this post EXPLODED all through that month, giving me a much needed distraction, and more importantly, a sense of belonging to something bigger. Of making an impact.

Is it a silly shitpost? Well yeah. But sharing silliness and stories is what makes us human. I am honored and delighted that my love of stupid puns made what could have been a really bleak moment a bright sparkling point of joy.

My grandmother was a real Snow White type, always saw the good in the world, never met a kid she didn't immediately adopt and start calling grandchild. She wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do with claws and fangs of vengeance, but she would love each and every one of us who came to her with snuffling snouts and snarling maws, wrapping her delicate little arms around our beastly necks and telling us we're good children and thank us for protecting her.

The feral godmothers are nothing like her, of course. They're born in the nasty, desperate corners of my own hurt heart. But the wish to be able to do something about it, rather than singing a sweet song and wishing for rescue, that comes from years of watching her stay soft and wondering how she didn't go fucking apeshit. And reconciling her old school happy housewife with the raging riot of queer elders taken from us for daring to make a better future. The feral godmothers are here to shake up the Snow White's, to sic them on the hunters, because we can't depend on kind Huntsmen and kinder Dwarfs, and we should dream bigger than laying passive in a glass box waiting to be moved around like porcelain dolls.

My grandma loved dolls. The only dolls I took from her collection were the old happy meal toys wizard of oz collection. dolls I actually remembered playing with.

Anyways, yeah, I'm doing okay. I know this not at all how you meant it, that most people don't know I started this post during a week of pre-grieving. But I am doing okay, and I got to go down and see my family for a bit to help them through the grieving process, and I'm really looking forward to this October when I can bake her favorite christmas cookies and say goodbye to her in a way that has nothing to do with Snow White and everything to do with reclaiming my own teeth.

Its me, your feral godmother

[benis-chillin]

2023 Gaming Backlog Top Ten

So...Meant to make this post back in January, but as I mentioned in the Sonic Fanfiction posts, I got a bit sidetracked getting back into plasma donation.

But anyway, last year, I started seeing my backlog as getting a bit daunting, since I want to get into a lot of things I've missed over the years, but I have this problem with dedicating to a series once I start it. I got back into gaming in late 2018 with Sonic, and I'm only just now getting near the end of playing all of the mainline entries, along with most of the spin-off titles. Plus, I binged Metroids 1-4 through late September-early November last year, and that one was on a whim.

But I did have a bit of a revelation when watching My Life in Gaming's end of the year video where they cited Femtrooper's video as inspiration for tackling a backlog via a "top ten list." So, I took inspiration from THAT, and made my own list for this year. I'll consider it a win even if I only get half of them done, but I'll occasionally reblog this post when I finish and start a new one.

So, let's start with the first game on the backlog.

1)Sonic 06(PS3)-Silver and Final Stories

January 2nd-April 16th(off and on)

This is mainly a leftover, since I've been cracking away at it off and on since Christmas 2021. I actually took a break after finishing Shadow's story, and now I'm determined to finish it.

2) Metroid Dread(Nintendo Switch)

???-???

Haven't bought this yet for reasons, but it'll take priority when I do. Last 2D Metroid(beyond the original 1&2)I need to play, and the demo has me looking forward to it!

3) Hollow Knight(Switch)

???-???

More of a recommendation from a friend, I got a Steam copy from her over Christmas, but I prefer 2D games in a handheld format, so I bought a digital copy for my Switch while it was on sale. Looking forward to it.

4)Devil May Cry-Switch OR PC

???-??? Another friend recommendation, to the point where one of them shared their Steam Library with me for it(which is how I played Sonic Frontiers). So I'll either buy a Switch copy during the next sale, or just play his copy on PC.

5)Resident Evil 2(Leon's story)-Wii

???-???

(Yeah, I'm listing what I'll play it on, not the system it released on. This will be the GC version)

Watching videos on this series gave me some weird-ass nightmares one time while home alone, so I want to beat at least one. Couldn't get into the first one via the DS port, so I'll give this one another go, maybe around September/October.

6)Spider-man(2000)-PS3

???-???

I like Spider-man, but have barely played any Spider-man games. So hey, may as well dedicate a slot to it.

7-9)Metroid Prime Trilogy-Wii

3 games, so 3 entries. Not planning on marathoning like I did the 2D games.

Prime 1: ???-???

Prime 2: ???-???

Prime 3: ???-???

10)Batman: Arkham Asylum-PC

(damn, that cover is crispy)

???-???

Another one I have access to via my friend's Steam library. RIP Kevin Conroy.

Oh yeah, and almost forgot(since I'm watching a stream about a YouTuber I used to watch who just murdered someone)that I bought Mega Man Legacy collection to play during Plasma Clinic waits and stuff. Already finished 1&2.

[bluejayinabox]

I posted 23 times in 2022

2 posts created (9%)

21 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@owl-bones

@dragonflyxem

@fruitsnackart

@stealthnerd

@popatochisssp

I tagged 23 of my posts in 2022

#i'm not dead - 1 post

#and blue - 1 post

#prettyyyy - 1 post

#i really love the colors tho - 1 post

#that's sus - 1 post

#crab rave crab rave - 1 post

#millions of bluejays - 1 post

#all the bluejays - 1 post

#small ones in little boxes you can stare at forever - 1 post

#just a little bird in a box in the palm of your hand - 1 post

Longest Tag: 65 characters

#not like i've made any halloween stories before but this was fun!

My Top Posts in 2022:

#2

Vampires Hunt at Midnight

hello frens, sorry I've been non-existent for basically a year or something! No, I'm not dead, I've just finally touched grass and been in a trance lol. Anyway, in all seriousness, I've just been going out more and getting life opportunities. Y'know, having fun and stuff.

but yeah, read this thing I wrote.

...

The wind howled on a particularly cold night, the clouds wispy, and the stars bright. The trees groaned as they swayed back and forth, their leaves showering down on you as the seasonings change.

You pulled your jacket tighter around you, shivering lightly as the breeze swept up into your shirt. If you knew it was going to be so freaking cold, you probably would've worn a sweater, or at the very least a warmer jacket.

You kicked a stray pebble, skipping it off the sidewalk and onto the road. You were making your way home after hanging out with a close friend of yours. They had insisted you stay, but you couldn't, seeing as you had a poor pup to feed, and he would surely be very hungry by the time you arrived home.

The wind picked up for a brief moment, and you stopped to squeeze your eyes shut against it as your jacket ruffled violently. When it passed, you opened your eyes and sighed, continuing on.

Your house should be just a few blocks further, it wouldn't take long to get home.

...

There was a scuffle from behind you, and you quickly looked over your shoulder.

...but there was nothing there.

Looking at the surrounding area, you shook your head, chalking it up to your lack of sleep, and the fact that you were completely alone.

...

wait.

You stopped walking and looking around once more, realizing that you really were alone, and that there weren't even any cars on the road.

That's funny, you could've sworn there were a few people still nearby... somewhere...

You checked your phone, noting the time.

11:26pm

...

Hm. It was only around ten when you left your friends' house...

You shrugged to yourself, and pocketed your phone, continuing down the sidewalk. It wasn't like you haven't stayed up this late before, so it wasn't too big of a deal. Though, you've never been outside this late before, and that's what made you feel so stiff.

Shivering again, you exhaled slowly, and rubbed your arms before crossing them over your chest tightly, hoping to stave off a bit more of this wind.

As you passed beneath a flickering light fixture, you felt something brush against your shoulder.

Beyond startled, you sharply gasped and whirled around, clutching your hands together in front of you. But to your surprise and horror, you were still completely, and utterly alone.

But you didn't just imagine that feeling. You weren't stupid enough to wave it off.

...

Without anything to protect yourself with, you had no choice but to keep moving forward, now paranoid, and constantly checking over your shoulder.

With every stray shadow or random leaf, you startled, putting yourself in a frantic state of internal panic.

Was that the shadow of a tree or a person's shadow? Did that rock just move or was it always there? How much further was your house?? It was as if you were walking the same length of sidewalk over and over.

See the full post

0 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I love this place

0 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[buck-buck-boose]

I'll Love You 'Til I Die

Masterlist | Playlist

Summary: A Brooklyn schoolgirl fell in love with James Buchanan Barnes at the tender age of nine. With this love she made a vow, promising to love him until her very last breath.

Pairing: Bucky x OFC

Warnings: Language, violence

Word Count: 4.3k

Author's Note: I am... so sorry for taking so long. I was not expecting the start of the semester to be so hectic. I can't promise I'll go back to posting as regularly as during the summer, but I can promise that I'm not disappearing. I promise. I WILL SEE THIS FANFIC THROUGH EVEN IF IT KILLS ME. Thank you for the kind words and support while I've been MIA. Enjoy a chunky chapter.

Chapter Twenty-Four: Little Saint Lottie

October 27, 1943

“I’m worried about her, Betty.”

“I know, Gladys. I know.”

Lottie couldn’t remember the last time she’d gotten a full night’s rest. Days seemed to bleed into each other, with no slumber to distinguish today from tomorrow. It wasn’t long after arriving at Azzano that she realized that he wasn’t waiting for her. Bucky was gone. In his place, dozens of men awaited her arrival with sunken eyes and twitching lips that begged for relief, whether it be through a healing touch or a final blow to the head.

When the realization hit Lottie, there wasn’t much she could do besides throwing herself into her work; if she couldn’t help Bucky, the least she could do was help his brothers in arms. Although anxiety ate her up from the inside out, Lottie had confidence in Bucky’s abilities. He wouldn’t let himself die in some POW camp, he just wouldn’t. Because then who would take care of her and Steve? He’d fight tooth and nail to get back to them, she just knew it.

She threw herself into her work, rarely stopping long enough to have a proper conversation or a full meal; this bad habit of hers came to a halt, though, when she came upon a boisterous redhead in need of stitches. Lottie had been deep in thought while examining the gash above his forehead when the soldier cracked a grin and peered up at her without moving his head too much.

“Do I know you from somewhere?”

Lottie shook her head, “I’m afraid not, Private—” she glanced at his dog tags, “—O’Connor.”

“Ever done pinup? Maybe I know you from one of those cheesecakes we’ve got hanging up.” The man— more of a boy really, with his lanky frame and jovial smile —wiggled his eyebrows and ruined her diligent work of cleaning the blood from his wound.

The question left Lottie flustered; the idea of dozens of men gawking at her scantily clad figure left her feeling mortified, “Certainly not! I find that my talents are better suited for healing.”

O’Connor nodded and inspected her face carefully as she went to work on his gash once more. “I’ve got it!” Lottie nearly jumped away from him when he clapped his hands together, “You’re Little Saint Lottie, in the flesh!” The boy crowed his revelation, earning him glares from the other men recovering in the medic tent.

Lottie nearly dropped the needle that she’d been preparing to thread, “Excuse me?”

“Ah, it’s a funny story,” O’Connor chuckled, “Y’see, Sarge had this little photo he’d take everywhere. Always had it in his pocket, tucked in his helmet, you name it. Wouldn’t let the damn thing go. Anyway, we stole it out of his fatigues one day while he was cleaning up in some river ‘cause we wanted to see what the big deal was. Once we saw it was some dame—” Lottie shot him a look, “—lady, we started yanking his chain about it. He was just about as obsessed with that photo as my Ma is with her holy cards, so when he finally told us your name, we dubbed you ‘Little Saint Lottie,’ patron saint of the one hundred and seventh. That kinda pissed him off, but it’s not like you’re his girl, y’know? Though he sure acted like you were.”

Lottie was speechless. About halfway through his story, her mouth had dropped open and her hands had fallen to her lap. Here she was, looking dumb as an ox, while the soldier in front of her chuckled with childish glee.

“Me and the guys would even ask for your intercession whenever the chaplain came by to pray with us. Poor guy had no clue which saint we were talkin’ about. We tried to give it a place of honor in the tent but Sarge made us run laps when he found out we’d nicked it again.”

O’Connor nearly doubled over in laughter as he watched Lottie’s expression grow in horror. “Well as I’m sure Bucky— Sergeant Barnes has told you, I’m no saint. I’m just a nurse. Now hold still, unless you want these stitches to be more painful than they already are.” Before she could stop herself, the question came tumbling out of her mouth, “Speaking of Sergeant Barnes, do you know—” she fumbled with the needle as she made the first stitch, “—is he alright? Did you see him?” The soldier let out a hiss of pain, “Yeah, I got a glimpse of him while they were takin’ him away. He was battered but alright. There’s no man quite like Sarge, I know he’ll be back. He’d fight tooth and nail to get back. That’s what he said at least, ‘cause he always went on and on about how you needed him and all that. He sure talked about you an awful lot for a guy who hasn’t even asked you to go steady.”

Lottie’s breath hitched at the final comment, the mere idea of going steady with Bucky reducing her to a stuttering schoolgirl. She began to tie off his stitches, “We’ve been best friends for over a decade, it’s perfectly normal to care for each other deeply without bringing affection into it.”

O’Connor shrugged, which jostled her arm slightly, “I’ve never heard a guy talk about his best friend like that.”

Lottie didn’t respond. She gave his fully sutured wound one last glance, “Looks like you’re all set. Now don’t do anything stupid to get it infected.”

He gave her a crooked grin and wiggled his eyebrows, Lottie nearly scolded him but held her tongue, “As you wish, Saint Lottie.”

Lottie rolled her eyes and moved along to the next bed, where another soldier waited with a smile just as wide. It seemed that these men had become pleased as punch to know their patroness had come to grace them with her presence.

The USO’s visit to their camp took Lottie completely by surprise. She’d spent so much time floating from one medic tent to the next that she’d ended up completely out of the loop of the camp’s other goings-on. It wasn’t until she saw the fully-erected stage in the middle of camp that she realized. Her heart beat powerfully within her; with Steve here, she would be one step closer to finding Bucky. One step closer to bringing him home. “They say he’s gonna be here in a few hours,” Mary beamed, obviously giddy to see the Star-Spangled Man up close and in the flesh.

Lottie returned her smile, though it was weak. The weariness was starting to catch up to her, making her feel much older than a youthful twenty-three. Her stomach was in knots with anxiety; she needed to get to Steve as soon as possible.

Betty stood with them as they watched the hustle and bustle of preparations, “I’m pretty sure we’re the only ones looking forward to seeing Captain America. All these boys care about is seeing a bunch of girls dancing for them on stage, not some hunk of meat in a red, white, and blue suit.”

Nancy, who had just joined the conversation, scoffed, “It’s quite disappointing how little you think of these men and their patriotism.”

Gladys rolled her eyes, “They’re still men, Nancy. Scantily clad women or a guy singing about war bonds? They’re gonna prefer the women.”

Several hours later, Gladys was indeed proven right. Although he’d been driven off-stage with jeers and taunts, Lottie was waiting for him with a warm embrace.

“Hey, Lottie,” She could hear the smile in his voice, she felt its warm timbre as it surrounded her and reminded her of home.

“Good to see ya, Stevie.”

Steve pulled away from her and gazed around the camp, a grimace growing on his features, “Things don’t look to good around here.”

Lottie nodded, a twin grimace gracing her lips, “The hundred and seventh started out with two hundred men. Now they’ve only got fifty left. They’re barely holding on.”

Steve’s gaze shot to hers the moment she mentioned the one hundred and seventh, “Lottie that’s— this is Bucky’s—” The desperate look in his eyes made her own calm exterior begin to crack.

“Stevie, I know,” she whispered, a lump forming in her throat and tears pricking at her eyes, “I know, and I’m sorry. He’s not here. They— Those bastards took him, damn them!” For the first time since arriving at camp, Lottie cried. She sobbed and clung to Steve once more, feeling every bit like a scared little girl from days gone by.

Steve rested his hand against her back, “I’ll get him out, Lottie. He’s gotta be alive and I’ll get him out.”

She shook her head and wiped the hot tears from her cheeks, “No, Steve. You’re not going alone. I’m coming with you.”

“Lottie, you know I can’t put you in harm’s way like that—”

“Steve. I’m serious. What do you think I was doing that whole time I was with the SSR? Yes, we were making the serum, but they nearly trained us to death. I can shoot, I can use my knife. I can’t let you go without me.” Her voice was starting to crack, “We have to find Bucky together.”

There was silence between the two of them until Steve finally conceded, a wary gaze in his eyes, “Fine. But you need to be by my side the whole time.” Lottie nodded her chest warming with hope. “C’mon, we need to have a conversation with Colonel Philipps.”

The two of them jogged to his tent with their coats held above their heads to shield them from a sudden shower of rain. They entered the colonel’s tent, looking comical with their wet hair and heaving chests. Around them, soldiers and officials paced to and fro, examining maps or signing off various forms. If Lottie squinted, she could just barely make out the words. Letters of condolences; heartbreakingly clinical letters of regret for the losses of these sons, these brothers, these boys.

“Colonel Phillips,” Steve began, “Are you planning a rescue mission? For the surviving prisoners from the Battle of Azzano?”

The colonel looked back at him with a straight face, “Yeah, it’s called winning the war.”

Steve’s blond eyebrows furrowed, “But if you know where they are why not at least—”

“They’re thirty miles behind the lines. Through some of the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We’d lose more men than we’d save, but I don’t expect you to understand that because you’re a chorus girl,” before Lottie could protest, he shot her a glance as well, “and you’re just a nurse.”

Steve’s gaze on Colonel Phillips was cool, “I think I understand just fine.”

The colonel pushed past them, “Well then understand it somewhere else. Now if I read the posters correctly, you’ve got someplace to be in thirty minutes.”

“Yes sir, I do.”

Steve grabbed Lottie’s hand and pulled her behind him, “C’mon, we’ve gotta get going. You go get changed.”

Lottie nodded; her medical uniform would impede this mission so she’d need to wear the fatigues that the government had finally issued to them. Her heart raced a mile a minute as she scrambled back to the nurse’s tent to change. She knew that Colonel Philipps would be terribly angry once he found out she’d shirked her night duties, but her loyalties to Bucky took precedence. The recovering soldiers were left in the capable hands of her peers. She swore as she nearly toppled over while yanking her boots on; it was rather hard to get dressed in such a hurry. By the time she was ready and had exited the tent, she was met with the somber faces of Agent Carter and Steve.

“Agent Carter, what are you doing?” For a moment, she feared that they’d already been caught, that the SSR was already putting an end to their mission.

The other woman pursed her lips, “I’m here to help.”

A mere half-hour later and they found themselves in the SSR’s plane, headed to Krausberg, where the POW camp was located. Howard Stark called out to them from the cockpit, “We should be able to drop you right at their doorstep.”

Fear was starting to creep into Lottie’s mind and burrowed itself deep within her gut. She heard the conversation continue all around her, but she was still processing the daunting mission before her. She and Steve up against Hydra. All alone. Even Bucky had struggled against them; he’d lost to them in the Battle of Azzano. Bucky. That’s what worried her most. It’s what filled her with the most fear. If she and Steve got through the Hydra camp safe and sound only to find that he was dead, Lottie wasn’t sure how she’d deal with it. She’d probably go mad, in all honesty. She’d end up in some institution, crying over lucky pennies and charcoal drawings while being molly-coddled by some woman in white. How tragic that would be.

Before her thoughts could become any darker, Lottie was jolted back to reality by the sound of bullets against metal. Steve grabbed his shield and her arm, urging her to join him by the plane’s exit.

Agent Carter shot up from her seat, “Get back here! We’re taking you all the way in!”

He turned to respond, “As soon as I’m clear, you turn this thing around and get the hell out of here!” “You can’t give me orders!”

A smile grew on his face, “The hell I can’t! I’m a captain!”

Steve shifted his goggles and nudged Lottie, “It’s go time. When you see me pull the chute out, you do the same.”

Lottie nodded with a quiet determination, and together, they jumped.

Entering the base was painstakingly quiet; once they’d snuck into a truck and eliminated the guards inside, Steve and Lottie were left to mouth words and offer silent support through unwavering gazes. Once they’d safely passed the gate of the base, they exited the truck and swiftly dealt with any opposition.

Steve led her across the base with caution, giving hand signals when it was safe to turn a corner and sprint across a patch of unobstructed space. The two of them traveled with the shadows, avoiding any spotlights that could catch them in the act. Lottie scarcely felt that she could breathe, it was as if one exhale would reveal their presence to the multitude of guards.

Once they entered the main building, the two of them found themselves in what seemed to be a factory. There were giant sheets of metal everywhere and huge bombs seemed to surround them. Amongst them all, Hydra soldiers transported other metal parts and containers of glowing blue material. That did not bode well with Lottie at all.

Lottie spotted some guards walking to a lower level, jangling keys in hand. “Steve, they might be guarding the prisoners.” Her whisper was barely audible, fear keeping her from speaking any louder.

“The blueprints said they were below the manufacturing level. C’mon.”

They followed the guards onto a walkway that had large circular grates that cut into the metal, each forming the ceiling of small cells that the poor prisoners had been separated into. Lottie and Steve knocked the guards out and stole their keys. The two dropped to the same level as the cells and began unlocking their doors.

One of the soldiers gazed at them through the bars of his cell, “Who are you supposed to be?”

Steve panted from stress, “I’m Captain America.” He gave Lottie an expectant look.

“I guess I’m Little Saint Lottie,” she responded somewhat sarcastically, referencing the retrospectively comical nickname that was developed by the one hundred and seventh.

Some of the men cracked grins, “So you’ve heard our prayers, huh?”

“Loud and clear. Now let’s get you out of here, yeah?”

She tried to ignore the growing horror inside of her upon the realization that none of these men had brilliant blue eyes. Not a dimpled chin in sight.

“Is there anybody else? I’m looking for a Sergeant James Barnes.” It seemed that the same horror was growing within Steve.

A man in a scarlet beret responded, his British accent prim and proper, “There’s an isolation ward in the factory, but no one’s ever come back from it.”

“Alright,” Steve nodded, “The tree line is northwest, 80 yards past the gate. Get out fast and give ‘em hell. We’ll meet you guys out in the clearing with anyone else we find.”

“Wait, you know what you’re doing?” “Yeah. I’ve knocked out Adolf Hitler over two hundred times.”

Lottie couldn’t help but stare at Steve in amazement. Gone was that awkward boy from Brooklyn. He was a man now, a leader who could do anything he put his mind to. He’d grown so much, not just physically, but in his character.

While the prisoners worked their way out of the base, Steve and Lottie began their search for the isolation wards. Lottie tried to ignore the sounds of explosions and men crying out from below them while they traveled across metal catwalks. She could only hope that the cries of pain were coming from Hydra soldiers.

After turning several corners, they found themselves in an old hallway, surrounded by brick on both sides. They hurried down the corridor out of desperation; they knew they were running out of time. Lottie stopped suddenly when she heard a groan. It was close. She drew her weapon and dragged Steve into the room, her heart stuttering and her palms slick with sweat.

“Sergeant. Three-two-five-five-seven…” That voice. Oh, how she knew that voice; she loved it so. Lottie heard it whenever she found the time to fall asleep. It crept into her sweetest dreams but tore her apart whenever it wiggled its way into her nightmares.

Bucky lay in front of them, strapped down to a table; his lips moved ever so slightly as he repeated the same phrase over and over again.

She rushed to his side alongside Steve and nearly let out a cry of happiness. Had the situation not been so dire, she would’ve descended upon him with a bone-crushing embrace and great big sobs of joy by that point.

Lottie whispered a quiet, “Bucky?” His eyes were glazed over and his mouth agape, “Is that— is that—”

“It’s us, Buck,” Steve nodded reassuringly as he tore at the straps across Bucky’s chest. Bucky looked up at him, taking his face in,

“Us?”

“Me and Lottie,” he nodded, tugging her closer so that the two of them could be in Bucky’s field of vision.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at him, finally feeling whole again. She’d gotten her Brooklyn boys back. Bucky only looked back in confusion, “Little Lottie, she— she’s always been here. Always. Stayed with me the whole time.”

It was Lottie and Steve’s turn for confusion. Lottie brushed the hair back from his forehead to calm him down and ground him, “Bucky, I’ve been with the SSR this whole time. We’re here to rescue you.”

Steve nodded and dragged him off the table, “I thought you were dead.”

Bucky was obviously having a hard time processing everything that was happening, “I thought you were smaller.”

Lottie listened as the gunfire intensified, “Come on, we need to move.” Steve threw one of Bucky’s arms over his shoulder and the two fell into step behind her.

“What happened to you?” Bucky grunted out, pain etched into his voice.

“I joined the army.”

“Did it hurt?”

Steve was growing agitated, “A little.”

“Is it permanent?”

“So far.” Lottie huffed, “I’d sure hope so after all that effort I put into it.”

Bucky mustered out a befuddled, “Huh?”

“I helped to create the serum that made him like that.”

“So that’s why you left without saying a word.” Bucky’s tone was only slightly accusatory.

Lottie muttered a weak “Yeah.” They’d need to have a lengthier conversation once he wasn’t struggling to walk five yards.

As they crossed the catwalks to get towards the exit, the factory below them began to combust. Huge flames erupted from the metal contraptions and triggered explosions all around them. They hastily climbed the metal stairs to get to higher ground.

“Captain America, how exciting!” A thick German accent cut through the noise of explosions and gunfire. “I am a great fan of your films!” Before them stood two men; one was a short little fellow clad in a jacket and fedora. The other was tall and wore a distinguished Hydra uniform with its menacing crest emblazoned on his shoulder.

The taller of the two gave Captain America a once over as he strode across the catwalk that separated them, “So, Dr. Erskine managed it after all. Not exactly an improvement, but still, impressive.”

“You’ve got no idea,” Steve snarled and punched the man in the face. The swift blow caused a blotch of redness to appear near his eye and a sinking feeling of realization settled into Lottie’s stomach. This was Schmidt, the monster who used the serum prototype.

Before she could say anything, Schmidt struck back and left a dent in Steve’s shield, “Haven’t I?”

There was a brief scuffle before Schmidt backed off while the other man pulled a lever, pulling the catwalk apart. With a grin, Schmidt began pulling at the skin of his face and revealed fiery red muscle and tissue beneath, just as Lottie had seen when she first began experimenting with the formula. “You are deluded, Captain. You pretend to be a simple soldier, but in reality, you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind. Unlike you, I embrace it proudly. Without fear!”

“Then how come you’re running?”

Steve never got an answer. Schmidt and the other man had already boarded an elevator and left them standing on the catwalk, nearly helpless.

Another explosion went off, cueing the trio to leave, “C’mon, let’s go. Up.” Lottie instructed the men to follow her, though she wasn’t too sure how to escape the factory. All she knew was that they needed to keep ascending the stairs.

When they reached the top of the stairs, they were faced with a metal beam that led to a catwalk with an exit. It was terrifyingly slim, with only enough room to place one foot in front of the other.

“Ladies first,” Bucky murmured, “but I’ll be right behind you.” Lottie felt sure of herself knowing that at least she wouldn’t have to cross on her own.

She took a tentative first step, testing how well it would hold her weight. Lottie tried not to look down at the fiery pit below while she carefully moved along the beam. It was a comfort to have Bucky behind her with his chest nearly pressed against her back as he followed her every step. Lottie had just scrambled over the railing of the catwalk when a jarring explosion shifted the beam’s position and sent it careening downwards. She gasped in horror as Bucky leaped to grab onto the catwalk.

“There’s gotta be a rope or something!”

Steve stared at the two of them from across the pit, “Just go! Get out of here!”

Bucky slammed his fist on the railing, desperation tearing at his voice, “No, not without you!”

“Steve, please! We can’t just leave you here!” Lottie pleaded. Steve couldn’t die, not like this.

With a look of determination, Steve backed up and made a running jump to clear the gap between the two catwalks. An explosion threatened to swallow him up, but he made it over safely, although a little worse for wear.

Lottie and Bucky could only stare in amazement. Steve nodded to them both, “Let’s get outta here.”

Several ladders and a whole lot of dodging later, the trio found themselves trudging towards the tree line.

It was silent amongst the three of them; painfully, dreadfully silent. She decided it was time to break the silence, “Bucky, I—”

“Look, Little Lottie, I know you’re sorry, alright? And I forgive you. Even though you lied to my face and left without saying goodbye, I had a whole lotta time to spend forgiving you.”

Now that the fear of being caught by Hydra soldiers had fully subsided, Lottie allowed herself to let out a sob of joy and nearly threw herself at Bucky. She almost apologized for the force of her embrace since it was likely to hurt a man who’d been captured by Hydra, but he didn’t show any sign of pain. She’d need to remember that for later.

“I missed you so much, Bucky. I really did,” Lottie nearly whimpered. Gosh, she sure sounded lovesick. “I missed you too, Little Lottie.” His embrace was sure and strong, and with it, a flood of memories came back to her. Nights on her fire escape. A birthday evening spent swing dancing. A lucky penny slipped into her hand. For the first time in months, Lottie finally felt whole. Her heart that had been splintered into shards of pain and hopelessness had finally begun to mend itself back together. While she found comfort in his arms and forgiveness, she knew there were still so many words left unsaid; words that he needed and deserved to hear.

“Yeah, I missed you guys too,” Steve muttered, obviously peeved that he was being left out of their moment.

“Aw, come on, Stevie,” Lottie grinned and pulled away from Bucky a little to allow Steve to join their hug.

“And if I remember correctly, Bucky, I think it’s actually Little Saint Lottie now,” she grinned. While she couldn’t see his face at the moment, she just knew it was turning a gorgeous shade of scarlet, based on the sputtering coming out of his mouth.

[nevada-wrytes]

Chapter 8.5 - Hiatus Update + Bonus Content

Hello everyone! If you didn't know, I posted a lil thing two weeks ago which was basically an unformal apology and a promise to post a new update soon.

Well- It's been two weeks and I still have nothing to show you. ;-;

Anyways, I am very sorry if you have been looking forward to another real chapter,, but I hope this bonus content is enough to satisfy you and to hold on to because well- there won't be another update anytime soon.

I start school tomorrow 😫 and with all the extracurriculars I'm doing I will end up at school for more than ten hours PER DAY

Yeah- basically that messes up with my writing schedule A LOT

or maybe it will help? who knows-

Regardless, I love y'all and thank you so much for being supportive with this series. *BIG HUGS* and I am thinking of making a QnA chapter soon just so I have something to post if I run out of time on an update (btw, as of now, I plan on updating every three weeks or so) BASICALLY if you have any free time, just pop into my asks or just idk reply or reblog this post and send in your questions!

Okay, that's enough talking, here is some extra content as promised <3

also here's the link to the last chapter

Oh- you actually were interested in some bonus stuff- cool cool 😫

jk here are some memes \/ \/

-----------------------

Charlie, tearing up the room: Where are they?

Charlie, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children?

Charlie: Somebody moved my M&M's, and now I am going to start killing.

-----------------------

Charlie, writing in her diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

lmao the journal remember the journal ^^

-----------------------

Charlie: I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck? No one ever asked me if I want to be a duck!

girl you are a shape shifter,, you can literally be a duck if you want smh

------------------------

Me: What do you call disobeying the law?

Charlie: A hobby.

Me: *crosses my arms*

Charlie: That I do not engage in.

------------------------

**okay just for some info on the next ones,, Charlie's mother... let's say is called Kym

~~~~~~~~

Charlie: Where are you going?

Kym: Hell, eventually.

~~~~~~~~

Kym: Charlie, what do you have?

Charlie: A KNIFE!

Kym: Okay, have fun-

Me: NO!

~~~~~~~~~

Charlie: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween!

Kym: That doesn't exist.

Charlie: Not with that attitude.

~~~~~~~~~

Kym: Here's two facts about me.

Kym: 1. I hate hot people.

Kym: 2. I'm a hypocrite.

-----------------------

Charlie: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!?

[REDACTED]*, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that's what.

*hmm hmm a new character I wonder? how mysterious

-----------------------

------------------------

------------------------

Someone: Are you really going to listen to and trust some strangers that tried to kill you?!

Charlie:

-------------------------

okay that's enough memes for now ✨ again, I hope y'all will like the little bonus content and I would very much appreciate if you'd send in some questions!

have a great day everyone 🦋

\/ \/ tagging some ppl don't mind this \/ \/

@thebonecarver @theglassphantom @confused-as-all-hell @iambecomeyourvillain @brekkercookie @wolfnzy01 @f-r-o-p @reyyya @thecurlychameleon @rrruthless @thesexypanda-boo @kazoo-the-demjin @twelve-kinds-of-trouble @bookavert @fuckanteaters

[bryan360]

What's up to my good followers and to my closest friends? It's day three of 🎅🎄December of 2021 and I can't wait to look forward for the holidays; mostly to be doing my postings through my Tumblr and DeviantArt blog/page if chance needed.

Anyways, just wanted to drop off from IGN and to the latest Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl update about having free alt costumes for the base roster that we've been waiting for. It's been so long since the game came out back in October. 5th, 2021, but due to lack of content such as missing costumes (and so much other things) would be too difficult when you doing mirror matches with playing the same characters.

🥜Brown: Yeah. And to think they could've done it through the base game's released, but it's weird that it didn't. I know one reason though is with licensing issues so it won't be easy to given them as simple sometimes. At least we can have their official alt costumes available; though every fighter will be getting just one each. Here's hoping we can get more soon in later patch update eventually. By the way though, you'll probably know after our creator friend made my appearance through his past DeviantArt post, right?

Link Here ⬅️

🥜Brown: Well I was used to be curious to go into it, but after it's finally being released with technical issues and lack of content does give me second thoughts....I'm hoping I needed to read the facts next time before jumping right in if the next Super Smash Bros inspiration comes; like Multiversus which I'm gonna save for early next year. (What it could have been for NASB though. At least I'll be sticking around with you still. *Shrug*)

[greycappedjester]

Hi I'm so sorry I'm just too shy to ask this on ao3 but I was wondering: how is Slade's relationship with Dick? I don't mind them as a ship in general but in the story sometimes I feel like Slade gets too close to Dick and I thought if there was something platonic on his side? I'm sure you wouldn't do that in the story that's why I'm asking if it's only on Slade's side. Sorry if this is a stupid question lol. Maybe it's just because I've read sl/adedick fics before. ^^D

Nah, I’ve actually been waiting for someone to ask about that. So....it’s complicated and will take awhile to explain so I’m putting it under a Read More before I get too long winded with my character headcanons:

This is going to get soooooo long, lol, so feel free to skim. Warning for Gotham in general and Gotham being naturally a bad place for kid vigilantes to grow up in. Also because this explanation gets somewhat dark in character interpretation....

Bonus short story at the end after a really long post.

-------

Alright, so first, I feel like I should mention again that I never watched the Teen Titans animated show past maybe the first two episodes and the movie my friends wanted me to watch that I don’t really remember. (I meant to watch that show, just never got around to it). I say this because I heard that the Teen Titans TV show portrayed the Dick and Deathstroke relationship much differently in a way that’s cool and fine but not something I can see myself really wanting to write about. I know their relationship more from comics where Dick was already an adult (albeit a young adult) when he first met Slade. 

So. Back to my After the Fall of Olympus universe and yeah, I’m slowly getting to my answer. The thing is....the story is entirely in Dick’s POV right now.

And Dick’s absolutely terrible at reading and picking up any form of affection others have for him. He understands it abstractly (he knows people care) but when assessing, he critically underestimates it if he remembers to account for it at all. This goes even worse with people he’s closer to--which is why it took him forever to realize why Jason actually did want to stay with him at the manor and why he still has no idea Barbara is in love with him. Even Kory who was really, really direct about liking him, it took him years to fully emotionally process and respond to that. He’s getting better...but remembering his own value (in others eyes) isn’t something he’s overwhelming good at doing.

My headcanon, he is abnormally good at reading people and picking up basic sexual attraction. He’s good at telling when he’s being flirted with or when people are attracted to him and, honestly, Dick’s charismatic and instinctively a flirt, too.With that, partly from growing up in Gotham with its weird and supremely dark villains, I think Dick very much divorces the two concepts of romantic attraction and sexual flirting in his mind--he’s aware they can go together, obviously with Kory--but he doesn’t naturally pair them as other people probably would. It’s also part of why he just doesn’t get the level of concern Tim has about Catalina.

Okay, back to my point.

The way I write Slade and Dick’s relationship is actually mostly done off screen. But, I think Slade started with approval of Dick’s skills and potential in a clinical/objective view, growing respect and interest (personal but not at all romantic) in him as a person, and much more recently in the story (as in that last conversation he had in Ch. 18), I think Slade realized he has some legitimate attraction and cares a lot about Dick in a way that’s probably romantic.

Slade also is very, very aware immediately that he’s not going to do anything with that and, in a way, doesn’t want to because Dick ever responding to that would be jeopardizing his relationship with his family, his team, his view of his morals (which are so integral to Dick) in a way that would be exceptionally out of character and concerning coming from Dick. In other words, something happening would be a lot more terrifying than nothing happening and Slade cares.

For Dick, it’s a lot more simple. He does not have any romantic feelings there. He does in a somewhat analytical, unconscious way recognize that Slade’s probably attracted to him (probably before Slade noticed honestly) but he’s....well, kind of used to that at some level. More so, Dick doesn’t connect it to emotional care and--like with everyone else--vastly underestimates that Slade does care about him in a way that’s actually pretty selfless for a mercenary. For a romance, your guess is absolutely right, it’s not going to go anywhere in this series but I wanted the undertones and implications to be there in the final third of the story

....But, that’s also more of a later/recent development in that relationship. For most of the story that’s posted so far, Slade sees his relationship with Dick as a lot of respect and even care but not as romantic in any way. I can promise no romantic undertones at all until Dick was already in his 20s because I really, really am not interested in writing underage. (for those curious about Slade’s age in the story, I think of him as mid-20s in his introduction in Year 3 and pretty early 30s here to Dick’s early 20s)

Above everything, they respect each other and would be almost friends if that were possible.

The team and his family doesn’t know any of this.

Anyway, that was long, so here’s a bonus short story from Slade’s view. I write a lot of After the Fall of Olympus short stories in other charcter’s views that I’m not planning on posting until After the Fall of Olympus.

This one’s between Year 5 and 6 and is titled “October 7th”:

-------

It’s October 7th, almost two in the morning, and Slade’s camped out in a somehow still standing bombed out apartment in a no-name village in the middle of a war-torn country.

He’s not exactly expecting visitors.

There’s a knock on the apartment door.

Slade cocks his gun and puts two rounds in the door before, for good measure, adding matching ones on either side of the frame.

He has two seconds to let himself pretend that’s the end of it before the door knob turns to the unmistakable sound of a skilled lock pick. 

Fuck, he’s too tired for this shit today. 

“Geeze, Slade, what if I’d been an innocent civilian?”

Slade’s hand stills on the gun in surprise then consideration before slowly slipping it back into the holster. 

“Kid,” he greets. “There’s no innocent civilians left around here. ‘Specially ones that can make it to my door without me hearing any footsteps.”

“I’ve been working on that.” Dick says, walking into the apartment. He isn’t even wearing his uniform, just plain black military style clothes with the lower half of his face covered by a piece of cloth. He pushes it down and smiles as he presses the door shut behind him. “You did tell me to get better, after all.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have,” he mutters without much heat. “You getting better almost left me out of a job.”

Dick rolls his eyes. “Please, as if both of us don’t know Luthor could’ve gotten out of those charges in months. If the Light didn’t erase them for him, anyway.”

Slade shrugs. Maybe another time, he’d find the energy to banter back. But not today. Never today.

“Why are you here, Dick? How’d you find me?”

The smile slides off of Dick’s face, leaving behind those far too heavy eyes to belong to an eighteen year old.

“You know I have your file, Slade.” Dick clears his throat. “I know what day it is.”

….Fuck.

It’s not like he expected anything else. Not since the moment he saw the kid. But, still...he doesn’t want to deal with this. Doesn’t want to deal with anything. Today, he just wants to crawl back into the worst, most deserted corner of the world he can find until the hours creep passed and he can find the energy to move.

Instead, he glares. “Good for you. Now get the fuck out, kid.”

Dick grimaces but shakes his head. “Not until you answer a question for me.”

Slade groans and, for a handful of seconds, honestly contemplates just killing him, considers it in a way that he hasn’t since before he even met the kid, back when he was first handed a file by a practically no name organization called H.I.V.E.

He’d regret it later. Sure. He has too much he wants to see out of the kid to kill him in a shitty, dusty apartment. But, that regret would come later. Later, once this day had finally passed.

That alone is almost enough to have him reaching for his gun. Almost

“Grayson,” he finally grounds out, “if you know what day it is, you know I’m not exactly inclined to play our game of hero and villain right now. You want information, find someone else.”

“Good, I’m not here to play either. Only problem is I can’t ask anyone else, you're the only one who knows the answer.” Dick lowers himself to sit on the floor across from him, like a particularly stupid mouse in front of a viper.

And then, he looks up and his eyes are too steady to belong to prey.

“Here’s the question: Do you really want to be alone today, Slade?”

The breath catches in Slade’s`lungs, harsher than if the kid had just punched him.

He pushes the reaction down, already knowing it’s too late, and says in the steadiest voice he can manage, “Yes.”

Dick stares at him, unmoving. “I don’t believe you.”

The air around them is too tight, too burning, and Slade’s being pushed down under it to suffocate. 

He can’t fight it, so he takes it and pushes it back into anger. “The fuck, kid! What do you know?  You said you have my file, yeah? How long have you had it? Because I’m betting you’ve had it since we first met!” He lunges forward. “So, why are you here now, Dick? What makes this year so special? What’s made you decide to pretend to care now? Because whatever it is, kid, I can promise you, I’m not worth it. So, leave!”

By the end, he’s gripping Dick’s shirt, pulling it tighter until the collar has to be digging painfully into his neck. 

Dick doesn’t look away. “No.”

Slade doesn’t look away either. “You know I really think I might kill you right now.”

“You won’t.”

 One of Slade’s hands moves until it’s pressing into the kid’s neck. A single sharp twist and he could snap it. “So sure?”

Dick nods.

“And why’s that?”

“Because I brought your favorite whiskey.”

A brown bag is pressed into Slade’s ribs and the man feels something rising in his chest that could possibly be laughter if it was some other time.

He drops the kid.

He takes the bag.

“Pretty sure heroes aren’t supposed to be contributing to alcoholism, kid.” He gestures to a half empty bottle of much cheaper stuff beside him.

Dick coughs, rubbing at his throat. “Please. With your metahuman metabolism, I bet you can barely feel it for an hour.”

“Depends how much I drink,” Slade counters, eyeing the bottle. “How’d you know my favorite?”

Dick shrugs. “Gotta keep some secrets to myself.”

He fishes out a spare shot glass from somewhere in the black folds of his outfit and pours a small glass for himself. 

Slade raises an eyebrow. “Last time I checked, you’re still 18, kid.”

Dick gives him an incredulous look in return. “Last time I checked, this place doesn’t have a drinking age...or a government, actually.”

Slade hums, amused, using a larger glass for himself. “True, but thought you’d be following the laws of your own birth city a little closer, hero. Gotham’s still at 21...on the record at least.”

“Technically, Gotham’s not my birth city.” Dick snorts and takes the shot. 

Slade tilts his head. “Where were you born?”

Dick pauses, thinking, before offering a sheepish smile. “You know….I actually have no idea. Somewhere in Europe, probably? I came early, the circus was still on tour. One of the lion tamers helped deliver me, used to be a doctor.”

“Always a surprise, kid,” Slade shakes his head, draining his glass. Tasting it in his mouth and pretending it’s enough to wash away the ash.

The next words come before he can stop them.  “...Adeline always wanted two kids.”

Dick goes quiet.

“Of course,” Slade says to his glass and fuck it, just fuck it,  “turns out we didn’t even get the one. Turns out I didn’t get either my wife or my son.”

Fuck, he hates October 7th.

He reaches for the whiskey, ignoring how his hand shakes. “Addy was a soldier, you know? A good one. Of all the stupid fucking ways she could go, I never thought it’d be childbirth. Maybe I should have. Always knew I’d kill her somehow.”

“You didn’t kill her, Slade,” Dick says softly.

“Sure. Whatever,” he agrees, too tired to argue. It’s not as if he hasn’t heard every variation sometime or another. It’s just right now, he can’t quite bring himself to debate about the cause when the end of it’s always going to be the same.

Dick drops the subject and the relief that Slade feels  is immense enough that it’s close to gratitude.

“What was your son’s name?”

“Grant. We were going to name him Grant.” He takes another sip. “If we had another one, we were going to name him Joseph. Or Rose for a girl.”

“Those are good names.”

He shrugs. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.”

Slade doesn’t answer, looking up to eye the kid over his drink. Dick sees it, holding up his own glass in acknowledgement before knocking it back.

“Why are you here, kid,” Slade asks again. “We’re not friends, pretty far fucking from it last time I checked.”

“I’ve got my reasons,” he answers calmly.

“If you’re here to make your usual sales pitch about the virtues of heroism, I really will kill you. Whiskey or not.”

Dick shakes his head. “....is it so hard to believe I just didn’t think you should be alone?”

Slade thinks his skepticism is loud enough without him needing the words.

The look Dick gives him is steady in return. “Think what you want to, Slade, I know what grief feels like. It’s a poison. It’ll kill you unless you find a way to drain it.” 

Dick looks down at his own glass and Slade gets the feeling the kid’s no longer talking about just Slade. It’s still a tossup whether he means himself or the Bat.

Either way, Slade makes sure his next smirk is particularly pointed. “And, look at you. Tracking me all the way down here to try and save my tortured soul. Such a hero.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dick says with an eye roll, pouring himself another drink

Slade cocks his head. “Speaking of, don’t all the good little heroes have school right about now.”

Dick looks up, almost sheepish. “I’m ditching my classes. Don’t tell my brothers, I’m still trying to be a good influence.”

Slade snorts and takes a particularly long swig.

A good influence. As if a single one of his stupid, fucking team doesn’t think the fricking sun shines out of the kid’s ass.

Fuck. What is Slade even doing? Sitting in a run down apartment in the middle of a warzone drinking whiskey with a too trusting kid a decade younger and that he probably should have killed years ago.

But, then, it’s always been exceedingly difficult for him to do what he should---what’s the sane and logical thing--when it comes to Dick Grayson. And, one day--when he doesn’t have the burn of booze sitting in his gut and his chest doesn’t ache like he’s been shot--Slade’s going to take a hard look at why that is.

For now, he’ll just leave it like he usually does. The kid’s too interesting to die yet. 

Dick eyes his shot glass, contemplatively. “This whiskey’s way too overpriced, Slade. It’s practically aged vodka.”

Slade finishes his off steadily. “Shows you have little taste, Grayson.”

Dick laughs and slides the bottle over. “I brought another one anyway.”

....Far, far too interesting.

[cancerbiophd]

hello! i was looking through your career stories tag and was inspired to ask for some advice of my own. lately i've been feeling very lost in undergrad. in high school, i was super successful, had goals and stuck to them, and had a path in mind. however, i ended up revising that plan a million times, and now i feel super behind in comparison to my peers. i feel like i lack a ton of skills and that i'm not where i should be (1/2)

(2/2) do you have any advice? and do you/your followers have any stories about people who were successful, got stuck in a rut, but found their way back? i keep reading stories about people who didn’t do well in school then found a successful career, but i never hear about people who were successful in school, got lost, then recovered, and it makes me wonder if there’s hope for me

Hi anon! (Thanks for sending in that 2nd part again after tumblr ate it the first time round)

I fee like I took a similar path to you, and before I launch into my story, here’s my advice on some things you can try:

Break the bad habit of comparing oneself to others. We are all unique, with unique pasts, presents, and futures. To compare two people’s achievements or lack of achievements is unfair. That’s giving an experimental treatment to a sick person and another to someone already healthy and then comparing the results directly to each other. Not a good scientific study huh. Well, we should look at our lives like that too. It’ll take time and practice and a lot of active thinking, but let’s all try our hardest not to compare ourselves to others. We are all carving out our own paths. 

Talk to others with experience and get their insight. Talk to your professors, your counselors, your parents, your parents’ friends, and even older students (like me!). Ask them for advice. Ask them what opportunities you have. Ask them what career choices one can make with your interests and goals. Basically, broaden your knowledge of what’s out there in the world so you can find a niche to fit in. I really wish I had done this because I was very myopic in that “interest in biomedicine” = “clinical doctor or bust!”. I didn’t know that I could go to grad school to study cancer research and then go work in a biotech company (my current path and goal). 

Once you find a career path that interests you, try to experience what “a day in the life of” is like. Because something that sounds great on paper may not be a good fit in person, and vice versa. Options for this include: volunteering, internships, entry-level jobs, shadowing, informational interviews (where you talk to someone in the field in a casual setting and ask them what their job is like), and well-rounded research. Doing things like working in the field or even shadowing also gives you the benefit of learning transferrable skills that could help you on your next step. And that brings me to:

Take a gap year (or a few) if you feel like you need it, especially if you need to gain more experience in a certain field. It’s also a great way to give your body and mind a well-deserved break after decades of school! I took a gap year (well, 2.5 years) to work and get lab experience and it was the best. 

Do not give yourself a timeline. This sounds… counter-intuitive, but what I mean is: do not set goals like “dream job at age 30!!” “a house at age 31!!” because they may be a) unrealistic, and b) could set us up for disappointment. Also, we need to realize that we don’t know what the future will bring, and that it’s also ok to take one’s time. We’re all gonna live until we’re 70-80 anyway right? So let’s just take things one step at a time. We’ll set goals and work towards them, yes, but let’s not set deadlines for ourselves. We’ve had enough deadlines in school already! 

Don’t give up. Things will be ok. I know it’s not.. super helpful for me to say this, but it’s a real point to make. No matter what happens, keep trying. We can’t reach the light at the end of the tunnel if we stop walking forward, yeah? 

I hope those points are helpful. If you’d like more detail, or have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me!

Alright, now to my story, because I feel like I may have gone through the same thing you’re going through right now, so I want to let you know that times may get tough like it did for me, but if you keep going and trying, things will eventually be ok:

Just like you, I was pretty darn successful in high school, also did well in college (like good grades, had goals and met them, etc). I always knew my path was going to lead me somewhere amazing, because that’s how I was brought up my entire life. Then I got stuck in a rut because my original plan A (med school) turned out to not be right for me, and then plan B also turned out not right either (pharmacy school), and then I got straight out rejected from plan C (physician assistant school). I even had to change my major 3 times because of my change of plans (well, one change was because the US recession hit and my college had to cut my original program ugh), so I had to really cram my classes into the summer. I graduated college with a degree that wasn’t going to get me where I wanted to (B.S. in Microbiology, and jobs were still hard to find because of the recession, and basically nowhere to go. I had no job and had no idea what to do (or what I really wanted, really). So I moved back home with a feeling of emptiness that no end in sight. 

My plan was basically to find a job that would open doors for me in the biomedical field. I even got my pharmacy tech license, and I was applying to receptionist positions at clinics. It got to a point where I was so desperate I interviewed to be someone’s personal assistant and they were like “you are way too qualified for this I can’t hire you”. 

And I was so confused as to how I could’ve ended up on the wrong path. I mean, I knew what I did wrong (I didn’t do those point of advice I gave earlier because I didn’t know I had to do them). But I didn’t know how it went so wrong. How did I go from straight A/B’s and proactive student leader in a bunch of clubs to unemployed with no concrete plan in sight? I was bright. I was a hard worker. A fast learner. I knew I could be good at anything I did. This rut I was in wasn’t really supposed to happen. And all the while my friends were going to grad/med school or starting successful careers–a fact my narcissistic and emotionally abusive mother would remind me of every. waking. moment. She would scream at me every day that I was an embarrassment, a disappointment, a “poor investment”, etc. The look of pure hatred she would give me–I have never seen that on another person’s face ever. I couldn’t even see my friends because she essentially put me on house arrest as “punishment”. 

It really was absolute hell. I was cleaning some old storage boxes recently and I found my old diary from that time, and inside was a note. It was a note of despair and resentment and an ending that may have happened… I don’t remember how I got the strength to keep going, but I think I had conjured up the slightest sliver of hope that night, put down my pen, closed the journal, and went to bed. 

So, I kept at it. I studied for the GRE, I looked up grad school programs, and I kept applying to jobs in the biomedical field. I got picked up by a temp agency that was hiring out contract workers to local science companies, and even interviewed for a few available positions. Things were looking a bit better. 

Then I saw a job ad on craigslist looking for a research tech at a lab at my old college. I applied, interviewed, and was turned down. Bummer. Then my mother (in a rare moment of helpfulness) asked a friend of a friend who was a PI in a research institute in Florida if they wanted a totally free unpaid intern. I had a skype interview and they accepted, and I was getting ready to move halfway across the country to be a volunteer with a Bachelor’s degree when I got an email from another new PI at my old college. She had gotten my application from the first PI who I had interviewed with and wanted to meet to see if I could be her research tech. And then literally a week before I was supposed to move to Florida that PI told me she wanted to hire me. Oh thank god. I had graduated in May, and got hired at this position in October. Even though it was only 5 months, it felt like forever for me to finally find my way out of the dark cave and back into the light. 

This PI did research on cancer biomarkers. Working in her lab was one of the best things to ever happen to me: I got the lab experience I was missing, I found a love for cancer research in particular, I applied for (and got into) grad school to study Cancer Biology, and I met a coworker who eventually became my husband (and you betcha we invited the PI to our wedding and asked her to give a speech lol). 

I graduate (hopefully) next semester with my PhD in Cancer Biology, and my husband and I plan on moving to Seattle (a biotech hub) afterwards. I plan on getting a post-doc position at the Fred Hutch Cancer Center, then a scientist position at a local biotech company, and then see where that takes me. Life is good now. Things really did turn out ok. 

I’m so glad I never gave up. 

And I hope you won’t give up either, anon. I pray you don’t have to go through anything as tough but! Yes there’s still hope for you! There is always hope