#anyways this is probably my least favourite chapter of all of them and I'm never gonna be happy with it

[theladycarpathia]

Empty Places chapter 2- Cold Spots

Back to chapter 1 

Creel House. Since its creation, this house has attracted bad luck, violence, and murder. A site of great evil? Or just a magnet for coincidences? We’re here to discover the truth, today on Mystery Spot!

“Did that sound cheesy?” Robin complains, twisting her head back to glare at the framed portrait of the Creels, as though they’re the ones responsible for their bad dialogue. “I think that sounded cheesy!” Billy raises an eyebrow and presses pause.

“It sounded cheesy,” he says bluntly. “You sound like an infomercial.” Robin sticks out her tongue and adjusts her beret. It slipped a little during her speech and now threatens to topple off onto the fraying carpet below.

“Fine,” she mutters. “I’ll think of something else. Even Steve’s intro sounded better than that.” Steve looks up from where he's fiddling with the ring light. He’s removed himself from this particular piece of theater as he has no design to stand near that horrible portrait or stare into Billy's eyes. Damnation all round.

“Hey,” he says, mildly offended. “You weren’t around when I was recording that!” 

“It’s an educated guess, your intros are always cheesy,” Robin says and then sighs heavily. “Okay, maybe we should come back to this. You guys want to go have a look around? There’s two more floors above this, including an attic, and I think there’s a basement too.”

Steve makes a face. “I’m not going to the basement,” he says automatically, because he does not care about being seen as a jittery coward, so long as it means he doesn’t have to go to the basement. Basements are notoriously for murder rooms, and dark tunnels, and books covered in skin. No, thank you.

“I’ll take the basement,” Billy says, in a tone that implies that he knows exactly what Steve is doing. They once found a secret room in an old house that Billy had willingly gone into. He either doesn’t believe in squatters hiding in the walls or he’s very, very stupid. “You guys can head upstairs. Meet back in fifteen?” 

Robin grabs her bag from the table, digging for her recorder. “Sounds good. Walkies on?”

“Yes,” Steve says, before Billy can scoff at the idea…again. “It’s an old house, Billy. You could fall through an old piece of floorboard and we might not find you until you’ve bled out. Turn on the damn walkie.” Billy digs out his walkie, clips it to his belt and makes an obvious show of switching it on.

“Happy?” he asks and Steve tries to not let it bother him. Billy’s just like this. Reckless, wild, immortal. Safety precautions are just a joke to him. 

“Ecstatic,” Robin says, dryly. She tucks the recorder into her pocket, along with her walkie, and dumps her bag back down. “Don’t get dead. Let’s go, Harrington.” 

Steve lingers just long enough to watch Billy wander out of the room first, heading for the basement door, before he trails after Robin. He can see by her face that he’s not subtle. 

“Lech,” she hisses, tugging on his arm. The stairs are still pretty fucking incredible, a grand sweeping staircase of some rich, dark wood, carved into delicately sculpted banisters. Steve shrugs.

“He’s a dick but he’s got a great ass,” he says practically. And he would know. He’s the sucker who gets to see the curve of his best friend’s rear in boxers every time he sleeps over, after every basketball game as teenagers, that one time Billy jumped into the lake. 

“I’d agree but my problem is that he has a dick,” Robin says, bounding up the stairs. Steve follows more carefully in her wake, mindful of how the wood creaks under her weight. “You’re on your own there.”

The second floor is pretty much the same as the first. Dusty, empty and abandoned and Steve has to resist the urge to sneeze. Robin drifts into the little girl’s room, looking at the faded pink teddies, the streaks of dust over the unicorn lamp. There’s a Barbie left on the floor, her blank plastic eyes staring judgmentally at their invasion. 

“I just keep thinking that this is just all…really sad, you know?” she says, her voice echoing through to Steve in the hall. When Steve steps through the door, he finds her gently touching another family portrait with her fingertips. “You know? Like, they left everything. All their possessions and their memories. What on Earth scared them so badly that they did that?”

“I don’t know,” Steve says, but he feels it too. There’s something strange about this house, not just in the unnerving wrongness of it all, but the idea of a family just leaving and never coming back. No matter what Billy says, something had to have happened to make them leave everything in their lives behind. All they took was the kids, the dog and the car. Every family photo, every soccer trophy, every piece of artwork on the fridge. No one does that unless you’re absolutely desperate.

“If we found out why we’d be legends,” Robin continues, excitement coloring her voice. Steve tilts his head back to look at the glittery pink lampshade, faded after a decade in the sun. They probably would be - crime podcasters have helped make progress on cold cases before, and breaking the mystery of Creel House would definitely earn them some fame. Maybe enough to get him and Ro out of Family Video, which isn’t really where he thought he’d be rotting so soon after high school. Billy used to work at the local pool during the summer and recently - begrudgingly - got work at the local diner. 

“Ro, if it was bad enough that they left one night without even taking their urn of Grandma’s ashes, I doubt that we really want to know,” Steve points out, and walks back out into the hallway. Robin follows, stopping only to look at the family portrait again.

“This little girl is all grown up by now,” she says and Steve looks at the remaining doors, more rooms and lives left behind.

“I hope so,” he says, because it sounds to him that Creel House always gets its blood.

XXX

The little boy’s room has a football deflating by the door. The parents’ bedroom has dust coating over the full length hanging mirror, a dress still lying discarded on the bed. There’s more mold on the shower curtain that they care to think about so they leave quickly. 

“Didn’t you say there was an attic?” Steve asks, pivoting on his heels to see which door is left. There are two and after a shared shrug, they each step up to one.

“One?” Robin says, hand resting on the doorknob. Steve grins and does the same.

“Two,” he says, closing his hand around the metal.

“Three!” they say as one and push open their doors. Robin groans.

“Damn,” she says grumpily, dramatically leaning on the door frame. “I got the study.” 

But Steve’s door has opened to a small, narrow staircase, a spider carefully making its web in the corner of the door. He reaches out for the pull light but a few quick yanks prove that it’s long burnt out.

“I’ll go up,” he says, digging in his bag for a torch. “Follow me when you’re done?” And then he puts his foot on the bottom stairs, ducks under the spider’s intricate work, and begins to climb.

The attic is…an attic. It’s so caked in dust that Steve has to cough once he takes his first deep breath. Like everywhere else, it’s filled with relics of another time, the remnants of a normal family life. Boxes labeled BABY CLOTHES, XMAS DECS, and CONCERT T-SHIRTS. There’s even a Christmas tree, still in its box in the corner, and Steve wonders if it’s the same one the kids were sitting under in the photo downstairs. 

“Creepy,” he mutters, and that’s when the bell starts to chime.

He’s glad that no one is around to hear his squeak, as he whirls around to face the source of the noise. A large, polished grandfather clock sits at the very end of the attic, against one wall, the pendulum swinging back and forth with every chime. Swallowing his nerves, Steve inches closer. The time is all wrong, the hands set to the twelve and the two. He wonders if the clock thinks it’s early in the morning or early afternoon. 

Wait. Two o’clock. Two chimes. So why won’t it stop chiming?

Steve freezes, suddenly unnerved. It’s fine. It’s a decades old clock. It’s definitely busted. It doesn’t know the right time so there’s probably no way that it’s going to chime the right amount of times either.

No. No, wait, that’s still all wrong. It’s been well over two decades - closer to three - since the Packards left their house. Steve doesn’t know much about physics and that shit but he knows enough that stuff needs power. Electric, batteries, some kind of fuel. And like a lot of clocks, this one would need to be wound. It wouldn’t keep going for nearly thirteen years. So who wound it?

Oh shit, he’s going to regret this.

He steps forward carefully, clutching his torch like a weapon, the beam cutting across the ceiling and occasionally illuminating the pale strings of another web. The clock continues to ring, the sound taking on an unnerving tone, each one growing more distorted as the bell chimes. Up close, Steve can see the thick crack across the glass face, the smears of dust on the curves of the wood. But just as he reaches out to touch it, the dark crack split from the eight all the way up to the two begins to squirm and Steve bites back a yelp as a small black spider emerges from the clock face.

“What the fuck?” Steve mutters, retrieving his hand and carefully turning the torchlight over the clock. The spider skitters over the glass, unaware of the intruder in its midst. Steve exhales, chastising himself for being startled. It’s a broken old clock and a tiny spider has taken up residence. It’s fine. 

But then Steve sees the second spider. 

And then the third.

And then the crack froths and hundreds of the little bastards emerge from the clock face, tumbling over each other in their race to get out, turning the clear glass a squirming inky black as they spread.

Steve bolts.

He promptly smacks into Robin on the way down and only her quick reflexes stop them both careening down the small staircase.

“What the fuck, Harrington?” Robin curses, pulling herself- and him - upright by tugging firmly on the hand-rail to right them both. Steve lets go of her shirt, the fabric now seriously crumpled from his damp fingers. She continues to look annoyed, until she sees the fear on his face.

“What is it?” she asks and pushes her way past him up the remaining stairs. Steve drops down on the closet step, heart hammering in his chest. He hasn’t felt like this since they found that odd bloodstain in the living room of that empty cottage. But even peeling up the carpet to see the massive dried rust underneath doesn’t quite feel like this. 

“What?” she asks, looking baffled. She peers back down the steps towards him, her face unusually anxious. “Steve, what is it?”

Once the blood pounding in his ears fades, Steve can immediately hear what’s wrong. The chiming has stopped. 

“What?” he says, in disbelief and pushes himself up so he can climb back up the steps. Aside from Robin, and her overwhelming aura of worry, the attic is exactly as it was.

Except for one thing.

“There was a clock here,” Steve says stupidly, pointing at the now unoccupied patch of wall. He turns to look at Robin. “A big grandfather clock and it was chiming, and it had spiders coming out of it. It was right here!”

Robin stares at the wall. The now empty patch of wall. The expression on her face flickers between worry and bemusement.

“Bud, I love you,” she says, tilting her head. “But did you inhale something really old that you weren’t meant to?”

“No!” Steve howls in frustration. “There was a clock, okay? A big one and it kept chiming. Even though the clock hands were pointing to two o’ clock, it just kept chiming a lot. And who even would wind up a clock that old, okay? It’s not like the ghosts of the Creel kids are coming back to keep the old vanishing grandfather clock wound up!”

“Steve,” Robin says gently, face now turning to one of pity. “I get that you’re…having some issues. Like this house is really fucking weird and the whole Billy thing gets really obvious every time that we do a video, but can you chill?”

Steve turns and storms back downstairs.

Fucking murder house.

XXX

Steve stomps down the attic stairs, not even bothering to close the door behind him. A small petty part of him suggests that slamming the door would feel really satisfying but he pushes it down. 

He feels rattled and frustrated. Nothing about this day is going as planned and as he storms back down the main staircase he can’t help but think that maybe this is what they deserve. None of the other places they’ve explored have ever been like this, the remains of a family still waiting to be collected. It feels more like a violation than the old barns, the empty factory, the burnt out mill. Steve stops at the bottom of the staircase and drags a hand across his face.

It’s stupid. He’s letting this weird old house get to him.

Steve sighs and jams his torch back into his bag. They’ll need the lights soon, as the sun begins to set, but they’re good for now. Enough time to do a little scouting around for interesting spots, get some filming done. It’s been over a year since they started this and they have it down pat by now. Getting used to filming in the dark took some time in the beginning and they try not to do it too often for various reasons, but they decided today that filming some stuff as night fell would look really creepy.

Steve regrets that choice now. 

He heads back to the dining room, intending on waiting with the rest of their gear. Let his friends finish the walkthrough by themselves. He’s going to find Robin’s emergency chocolate and eat it in front of the Creels’ weirdo portrait.

But the dining room isn’t empty. To his surprise, Billy is standing by the wall, staring up at the picture frame. He must have finished up early, the basement taking less time than upstairs.

“I didn’t think you liked that picture,” Steve says, dumping his bag onto the table. Robin's bag is already there, as she prefers stuffing her pockets full of the tools she might need rather than carrying a large backpack around. And anything else that doesn’t fit, she makes Steve carry.

“I don’t,” Billy says shortly. “It’s a lie.”

“Okay?” Steve asks, unsure. These days he never quite knows how to handle interactions between him and Billy. He hates it because Billy’s still his best friend, having been there for nearly all of his life. He doesn’t want to not know how to talk to Billy.

But it’s become more and more inevitable as Steve’s crush grew into something unmanageable and persistent. Talking to Billy leaves him open to saying something stupid without Robin as a buffer, to Billy flirting with him, Billy making a dumb comment about the cute guy he went on a date with last week. 

“It is, though,” Billy says, gesturing up at the warm smiles of the Creels. “It’s all fake. People don’t pose for these family portraits because they’re really that happy. You have this huge fuck off painting in a room where they probably brought guests. It’s bullshit.”

“I suppose,” Steve says slowly, digging in the front pocket of Robin’s bag for a mini chocolate bar. He probably should know, as his own family have pictures just like that in their front room and they’re definitely only for show. He’s probably unable to see it in the same way that you can’t see the forest for the trees. Billy never had the kind of family that put on a front like that. No one gathered the Hargroves together for a cheesy group shot. “And they all died, in the end.”

“Hmm,” Billy murmurs and turns away from the portrait. His eyes move to the chocolate in Steve’s hand but he doesn’t comment on it.

“Did you find anything?” Billy asks curiously, the fading glow of the sunlight rippling off of his dirty blonde hair. Steve exhales, wondering in what universe it’s fair to make one man so fucking attractive.

“No,” he mutters mutinously, shoving the last of the chocolate bar into his mouth and stuffing the wrapper into his pocket. “Well, sort of. Upstairs is the same as down here. They left everything. But there was this freaky clock in the attic.”

“Okay,” Billy says, the single stud that he wears in his left ear glinting in the light as he fully turns to face Steve. “I’ll bite. Go ahead, Scooby Doo, what did you find?”

And sometimes Steve just wants to punch him in his stupidly gorgeous face. 

“I saw this weird clock,” Steve says, because it really does sound stupid now. Hey, audience, subscribe now to see Steve freak out at a clock! There’s probably a totally rational explanation but he’s going to freak the hell out about it anyway! Hell, they’d probably lose viewers. They’ve never tried a stunt like that before. Steve didn’t even have his camera rolling. 

Maybe Robin’s right. Maybe there’s like thirty year old drugs up in the attic that he breathed in.

“It was just chiming and shit,” Steve shrugs, wandering over to the freaky portrait of the Creels again. He has to admire the Packards for their bravery. If he’d just moved in and found this painting in his dining room, he’d have burned in a cleansing fire out in the backyard.

“And that’s freaky how?” Billy asks, sounding totally reasonable. 

“It vanished when Robin came up to see it,” Steve says sheepishly. “I know it sounds bullshit but I swear-”

“Hey,” Billy says and gives that brilliant smile, the one that makes moms go weak at the knees and persuades gym buffs into his bed. Steve feels his own knees go a little weak under the full power of it.

“I know you believe in all this weird, spooky shit but you’re not crazy,” Billy continues, his eyes a brilliant, impossible blue at this range. “And this house is really fucked up. Even I agree with that.”

“You do?” Steve asks, a little dumbfounded, because not once has Billy ever been creeped out by anything. They visited the old Miller barn once, where old man Miller supposedly hung each of his daughters from the rafters, and upon seeing the tattered rope hanging from the beams Billy had scoffed and said that some idiot had probably hung it up to trick gullible assholes. 

“Yeah,” Billy says simply. “I mean, you can feel it, can’t you? There’s something different about this one.”

“Yeah,” Steve says quietly. “There’s something different about this one.”

“Maybe there’s a reason for it,” Billy suggests. Steve snorts, taken aback.

“You’re kidding, right?” Steve says. “Should I get out a camera or will our ratings plummet? Billy Hargrove, born skeptic, admitting to the possibility of ghosts, ghouls and goblins?” Billy dramatically presses both hands to his chest, faking hurt.

“Ouch, Harrington,” Billy says, a teasing glitter in his eyes and something dips in Steve’s belly at that familiar challenge. High school basketball games had been hell. “That was right out of King Steve’s playbook.” Steve shrugs, turning his head away from Billy’ piercing gaze. 

“Yeah, well…” he mutters. “Just didn’t expect it.” He leans against the solid wood of the dining table, and doesn’t really think about the inevitable dust and dirt clinging to his rear until too late.

“I’m just saying,” Billy protests. “At some point the teenage investigators stumble across the genuinely haunted house.”

“No, thanks,” Steve says, because he’s seen that movie. Which is kind of every horror movie. “I do actually prefer that we stay the kids with a dog Scooby gang rather than the Sunnydale Scooby gang.” 

“Ok, but even they found actual ghosts sometimes, you know,” Billy says, and tugs up his sleeves, allowing that brief glimpse of his tanned arms, the leather cuff around one wrist. “Like, all of the movies have them find mummies and zombies and shit.”

“I may believe in this stuff,” Steve says frankly. “But I’d still prefer that we don’t stumble across the room in the basement with the chains and bathtubs full of blood. Okay?” Billy grins.

“I didn’t see much of that downstairs, I swear,” he says and then tilts his head up towards the ceiling. “Hey, where’s Robin?” Steve shrugs and looks up too. He hasn’t heard her footsteps for a while but maybe she stopped to film something. 

“Dunno,” he says, and immediately hates that apparently they can’t be alone together without needing Robin around. “What do you want to do? Wait for her?”

“We don’t have to,” Billy says, pivoting to lean against the wall across from Steve. “We could film something. It’s been a while since it was just the two of us.” 

“I guess,” Steve says vaguely, because a lot of that has been by design. He’s always been slightly worried that if he’s left alone with Billy for an unlimited amount of time he’ll do something stupid. He’s good at that, as his mother likes to remind him. He hops down from the table, intending to grab a camera. They might as well make use of the light. “I don't know why it turns out that way.”

“Well, that’s because you’re in love with me,” Billy says suddenly, like it’s obvious, and Steve stops dead.

“You…you knew?” he whispers, because oh God, Billy knew. Billy knew all of this time and he didn’t say anything. He probably just pitied poor Steve, the idiot with the crush. Everyone wants Billy. Billy could have just about anyone he wants. Steve can’t blame him for not choosing Steve. 

“Not that subtle about it, Stevie,” Billy chuckles, folding his arms across his chest. There’s something not very nice about that smile. It’s not Billy’s real smile - it’s the one he uses when he thinks the middle aged women at the pool are getting too close, too handsy. It’s the one he used to use on the courts when some asshole from the rival team used to call him a fag. It’s all teeth and venom, badly concealed disdain hidden behind Billy’s bright pearly teeth. Steve’s known Billy long enough to know when he’s faking it. 

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” Steve says, crushed. He feels a little bit numb inside, a little bit stupid for expecting any other outcome. Admittedly, this is worse. He thought he’d just get the ‘hey, we can still be friends, but I just don’t feel about you that way’ speech, followed by an awkward arm pat. Not whatever this is. 

“You’ve been in love with me since, what?” Billy asks, inspecting his nails like he has nothing else to do while he breaks Steve’s heart. “Freshman year? I mean, you’re not that great of an actor, Steve.”

“I…I don’t get why you’re being like this,” Steve protests, the sharp sting of tears coming to his eyes. He’s never known Billy to be so cruel and he doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve it. “I am in love with you and maybe you don’t feel the same way, but do you have to be such a dick?”

“You know I’m a dick,” Billy says bluntly. He’s still leaning against the wall, watching Steve with sharp blue eyes, as though this is just sport to him. “And yet you fell for me anyway. That’s the really stupid move on your part, Stevie. I’m a fuck up who’d rather screw half the basketball team rather than you and yet you love me anyway. You probably always will, which is the pathetic part. Did you honestly think that we’d stay friends?”

“We certainly won’t now!” Steve spits, taking a step back. But it’s no good because Billy follows, like a shark that has sensed blood in the water. 

“Well, maybe you should have said something years ago,” Billy retorts, sticking his fingers through his belt loops. “Broken off the friendship after that night at Robin’s. Do you remember? We watched the first three Die Hard movies right after the other until Robin fell asleep. It would have been easier then. Repressing things just isn't good for you, Steve.” But Steve barely hears his last words, staring at Billy in absolute horror.

“No, but…how did you know it was that night?” he asks, something crawling up the back of his spine. He never told anyone it was that night. Not even Robin knows. Steve remembers every second of that sleepover, the one they’d had before they’d all been shipped off to different places for Christmas. It had been the night he’d looked at his best friend and thought that he wanted something more. 

So how does Billy know?

“Steve!” The walkie barks furiously and Steve jerks his head down to the walkie still attached to his waist. The spell is broken, Billy looking startled as the voice continues to call for Steve.

Because it’s not Robin’s voice. It’s Billy’s. 

Steve whips his head back up, terror killing the words in his throat before they can reach daylight. It’s not possible. Billy is on the walkie. Billy is in front of Steve. Which one is real?

Billy sighs heavily before frowning ruefully. “Shame. I was having fun.”

“You're…you’re not…” Steve stutters and in his haste to get back from whatever this…thing is, his foot catches on the edge of the rug. He loses his footing and falls backwards, the walkie skidding away as he crashes to the ground. The Billy clone looks dispassionately at him and Steve wonders how he missed it before. There’s nothing in this Billy’s eyes.

“No, I’m not Billy,” it says, sounding amused, and Steve had been correct in his assessment that it was all just a game. He just hadn’t known that it wasn’t Billy’s game. “But I had you going, didn’t I?”

“Steve!” Billy’s voice continues to shout down the walkie like a siren song but Steve can’t make himself move to answer it. All he can do is curl his fingers into the threadbare rug and stare at the entity stalking towards him. 

“You made a mistake, coming into this house feeling like that,” the thing continues, dropping down into a crouch in front of Steve. Steve stares, open-mouthed, because every freckle, every dark lash, every curl in his hair is exactly the same. There was no way he ever could have guessed that this was merely a copy, even while this Billy spat poison at him with that cruel smile. He was expecting ghosts, see-through and wailing and rattling chains. He wasn’t expecting…this. 

“I…” Steve starts but the words stop as the thing moves its hand up to stroke his hair back from his face. Its fingers dig into Steve’s scalp and Steve holds still as it turns his face up. He can feel a warm breath on his skin but it smells strange. Old, musty, metallic. Inhuman.

“Yes,” the creature murmurs, studying every inch of Steve’s face with an unsettling amount of interest. “Yes, you’ll do.”

And then the creature is gone, leaving Steve slumped against the wall like a puppet without any strings. 

“Someone answer the fucking walkie!” Billy screeches down the receiver and Steve scrabbles to answer it. It slips from his cold, shaking fingers a few times before he can grip it properly.

“Billy?” he says, voice trembling, because he half expects this to be another trick, another Billy who will pull his heart out piece by piece, just to show him the tangled bloody mess of where Steve used to keep his love. But Billy just heaves a sigh of relief down the walkie, something ragged and familiar and human.

“Thank fuck, Steve,” he snaps, because that’s how Billy usually works. “I’ve been out of my mind. Shit’s weird down here. Are you okay?”

Steve pulls himself up and rests his back along the wall, just under the portrait. His heart is skipping in his chest, because they fucked up and ended up in the only actually fucking haunted house in America. With some shitty ghost who likes copying their faces and mocking their deepest insecurities.

But Billy doesn’t know. Billy didn’t just tell Steve that he was worthless for loving Billy. Everything is exactly the same as it was before.

“Yeah,” Steve says, hollowly. “I’m okay.”

Onto Chapter 3

@dragonflylady77 @cupc8keblonde @ihni

I genuinely can’t remember if anyone else wanted to be tagged for this specific fic so lmk!

[the-amber-raven]

I would never delete my fics

I got linked to a reddit thread today where people were being advised to download my mortifying ordeals/Buddie fics, since apparently "now that I'm a BuckTommy shipper", I might be "petty" and delete all my Buddie fics.

So. I'll move past the complicated feelings it gives me to have people hoarding my fics while actively shitting on me as a person (and seemingly not even telling me that they enjoyed my work, although in fairness that could just be a difference in usernames.) That's the nature of fanfic, fandom, and putting things out there on the internet and I accept that.

But I do want to reassure people that I would never delete my fics. I still have the cringy-as-fuck Harry Potter fics I wrote in high school up; believe me those would be first on the chopping block if I was inclined to delete my work. And all of my 9-1-1 fics hold a special place in my heart, but none more than the mortifying ordeals series, which consumed basically a full year of my life and reminded me why I love writing. Hell, I got engaged while writing the final chapters of I once was lost. That fic is indelibly tied to my life now.

And look... I don't think it really matters, nor should I have to explain and justify what I do and don't enjoy about a show or fandom, but this whole experience has upset me more than it probably should have and I can't help but want to get it off my chest anyway.

My favourite thing about this show is the found family feels. I either love or am at least intrigued by every single character that has appeared. You'll notice that family is the central theme of every story I write, whether the story is Gen, Buddie, or BuckTommy.

Because yes, the idea of BuckTommy and how that plays into the family themes of the show has intrigued me and captured my muse.

I've also said before that I didn't think Season 7 left Buddie in a great place in terms of romantic relationship potential - in my opinion, the ghost of Shannon would be an absolutely massive barrier to them getting together right now. The post season 7 Buddie fics have also heavily featured character bashing, which isn't something I generally enjoy seeing, and infidelity, which I really don't like seeing romanticised especially since I've had a partner cheat on me.

So yes, I've distanced myself from the post-S7 Buddie fandom because I just don't enjoy the pervasive negativity I've seen and the way that cheating and violence is suddenly celebrated by a significant subset of the fandom.

That does not mean I've given up on Buddie altogether. I still have a whole list of pre-S7 buddie fics in my to-be-read list that I've been making my way through and 2 out of my 5 WIPs are Buddie fics (both in the mortifying ordeals 'verse, just to make it even clearer that I'm not at all interested in deleting that series.)

But two of those 5 are BuckTommy, because as I said above, their relationship was intriguing to me and it captured my muse.

I don't think those opinions make me some kind of betrayer, or that they inherently make me a "petty" person but I guess I just didn't realise that not-exclusively-shipping-Buddie was such a High Crime in this fandom.

[bronz3y]

Anxious Love - Georgia Stanway

A/N

Hi everyone!, welcome to a new story I’ve been thinking about for the last few weeks, This is going to be a multi part story, so it’s gonna be quite long :)

If you guys have any questions of suggestions for the story, please feel free to pop a message in my inbox x

this character (Alex) ,ive written is very similar to my experiences of dealing with diagnosed anxiety, which has changed my life, not everyones experience is the same x

word count: 3k

warnings: mentions of anxiety

————————————————————————------------------------

Chapter 1 

“Can I have a caramel frappe please?” the Starbucks cashier nods at Alexandra, leaving after taking Ellas order as well.

Alexandra and Ella have been best friends since they were 5 years old, Ella was the more outgoing one of the two, she enjoyed going outside and getting all muddy playing football. It was, and still is Ella's passion. Alexandra on the other hand was the more relaxed of the two, she enjoyed playing her guitar, drawing, and watching football, she wasn't very sporty at a young age, which has now changed, but she preferred watching football more than actually playing it.  Ever since Ella joined her youth team, Alex had been watching football religiously, always making sure to be there and support her best friend, and also by never missing a single match of her favourite team, Arsenal WFC.

 Alex and Ella had always planned on going to the same university together, Alex secured her spot at the university of Manchester by getting the grades she needed to study sports psychology, and Ella got her ticket in by earning her scholarship to play for Manchester university.

The two girls sat down at the star bucks, sipping on their cold drinks, even though it was december.

“God im so done with that one girl in my class, she has to make a comment about every point the lecturer mentions, like just shush man” Ella groans, shaking her head

“How does she even have the balls to speak in front of like a hundred people, that actually baffles me” Alex laughs.

“Anyways, me and the girls are probably gonna go out tomorrow night, a bunch of them are here in Manchester for a couple of days for some event” Ella tells Alex with a look in her eyes.

“Ella, don't even bother trying, i have an exam in a couple of weeks, if you want me to one day become your sports psych you need to let me study” Alex laughs shaking her head.

“Alex!, it's one bloody night man, you can leave your books behind to shag a girl” Ella wiggles her eyebrows.

Alex's jaw drops and Ella has to put a hand over her mouth to keep her laughter at bay.

“Ella!, oh my god you already know i don't do hookups” Alex huffs as Ella rolls her eyes at her best friend's words.

“Come on you can at least kiss one, just come and have some fun, you can make some friends besides me” Ella laughs

“Excuse me, i do have other friends” Alex huffs

“Lex, you and I both know that's a fat lie” Ella says after taking a sip of her drink.Alex looks down at her hands, knowing that her best friend's words are true.

“Hey, don't worry, if you come this weekend, you'll make some for sure, you just gotta put in a bit of effort, which is actually coming,” Ella says smiling sadly.

Alex looks down at her empty cup, nodding at Ellas words.

“Fine, I'll come, for once you're actually right about something Toone” Alex laughs

Ella rolls her eyes, “Whatever man, come on, let's go home and get warm, I'm freezing after this bloody drink” Ella shivers.

The two girls walk out of the starbucks together, laughing about some meme Ella saw on her phone. Once they got back to their shared apartment they began doing some chores around the house, Alex cleaning the living room and Ella preparing the dinner since it was her turn that night.

A couple hours later, Alex was relaxing on the couch after completing all her chores for the day and Ella was finishing up their dinner, which was some pesto pasta, made from scratch since Alessia had taught Ella a few months ago.

As Ella was pouring the pasta in two plates, the sound of her phone ringing echoed through the house.

“hello?..Georgia hi!”

Georgia Stanway, Alex has heard about her a few times, Ella and Georgia had met a couple years ago in one of the England youth camps, the same place where she met Alessia, who she knows well, Georgia on the other hand, she hasn't met yet.

Ella always mentioned that she was funny and very talented in football, Alex had only seen Georgia in some instagram posts Ella made while in football camp or when she would go out with her football friends, Georgia went to another uni about half an hour from Manchester most weekends they would meet up, sometimes Ella would get a train with Alessia to them, or they would get the train to Manchester, which is what was happening this weekend. Ella had also told her that Georgia went to uni with a couple other football girls Ella had mentioned to her, Leah and Lotte.

“Oh yeah, i know a good bar we can go to…no, G we are not getting a maccies, we are all gonna go to a nice restaurant before we go to the bar” Ella laughs into her phone, rested between her shoulder and her ear as she brings the two plates of pesto pasta to the table.

“Mhm, oh and by the way, i actually convinced Alex to come, she's not too thrilled though” Ella laughs as Alex shoots her a death stare.

“Alright G im gonna have dinner now but ill message all the details on the group alright?, okay, bye!” Ella hangs up and puts her phone down, replacing it with a fork.

“This pesto better be good, it took me 2 bloody hours man”

Friday 

Friday came around quickly,  Alex was in the apartment finishing off some notes since she had the afternoon off, but her peaceful silence was interrupted by Ella barging through the front door.

“Alex!, its time to find you a cute outfit for tonight” Ella sang as she entered Alex’s room, rummaging through her wardrobe.

“Ella!, its still 5:30 in the afternoon” Alex groaned

“We need time to get you all glammed up, now, what are we feelin’, a polo with jeans?, this one's very nice” Ella pulls out a navy blue Ralph Lauren polo with some white pants to match the white logo.

“Yeah alright, thats nice” Alex nods her head, ella smiles and puts the outfit on her bed

“Ok, hair, do you want me to iron it?” Ella suggests

It takes them both a couple hours to get ready, after a few arguments over Ella almost burning Alex’s ear with the straightener, they are about to leave their apartment. After parking Ellas car, they start to walk to the Italian restaurant Ella had booked.

Alex felt quite nervous about meeting more of Ellas football friends since she didn't play herself, her anxiety had risen a bit on the way to the restaurant, but she reminded herself that Ella was with her and that she already knew Alessia. Alex exhales as they approach the door.

As the two girls walk in they scan the restaurant and see the rest of the girls sat down, Alessia sees them and waves. 

“Hey girls, nice outfits” Alessia gets up and gives them both a warm hug, Ella then sits down next to Alessia.

Alex then looks for a seat and sees the only one free is next to Georgia.

“Mind if I sit here?” Alex says, Georgia looks up at her and smiles.

“Of course, there's nowhere else after all,” Georgia laughs.

“You're so stupid” Alex thinks to herself as she sits down next to georgia.

Lotte, Leah and Georgia introduce themselves to Alex, they all seem lovely girls, just how Ella had described them.

“So Alex, what are you studying?” Leah asks as the waiter brings their drinks.

“I'm studying sports psychology” Alex replies shyly

“Oh nice, are you enjoying it?” Georgia looks at Alex, Alex smiles at her

“Oh yeah, i've always been interested in it, and plus, i can make sure El has no more screws loose” Alex jokes.

“Oi!, all my screws are tight thank you very much” Ella huffs, rolling her eyes at leah commenting on how that's a lie.

As the rest of the girls are talking to each other, Alex and Georgia are eating their meals in a slightly awkward silence.

“What about you? What are you studying?” Alex asks to continue the conversation.

“Oh um, nothing special, just accounting, i wanna focus on football as much as i can so i didn't want to study something hard” Georgia says shrugging.

“That makes sense, you must be pretty good if you're planning to make it pro” Alex smiles at her.

“I guess so, thankfully i have football, i've never been a smart person” Georgia laughs.

As the dinner went on Georgia and Alex got to know each other, from life plans to favourite animals, and before they knew it, they were going to head out to the club Ella had mentioned. The girls paid the bill and soon enough they exited the restaurant into the cold night, the club was only a five minute walk from the restaurant, so they got to the entrance pretty fast.

As the girls entered the club, Alex was already overwhelmed, she hated being squished to sweaty men, the smell of cigarettes and weed, she hated all of it.

As the girls found a booth they all sat down, Ella announces that she’ll get the first round of shots. Alex rests her head on the table on her arms, trying hard to control the anxiety she feels, the familiar fatigue in her stomach increasing. “No” Alex thinks, “i need this, i need friends”

she balls her hands into a fist, she sits up and takes a breath, none of the girls notice, except Georgia, Alex can feel her looking at her from the corner of her eye.

“Alright, everyone take one” Ella announces as she comes back with a tray of shots, Alex grabs one and quickly downs it before she can overthink it.

Half an hour later, the girls had gone to dance, Alex insisted she was not a dancer and would much rather stay at the booth, as she does, she sees georgia dancing with the rest of the girls, her freckles and beauty spots being hit perfectly by the dramatic lights of the club, her pearly white teeth had been showing ever since she entered the crowd and started dancing to the rhythm of the overplayed songs.

Alex hadn't dated anyone before, her shy personality in highschool made everyone think she was weird, thankfully, she'd slowly grown out of it as she grew up, acting more like herself.

Alex had always known she fancied girls, she had never really had a crush on any boys, one time when Ella and Alex were 12, Ella had asked her if she had a crush on anyone, Alex replied with the first boy that came to her mind, but she never liked any of them, she just wanted to fit in, like Ella did, she did one time ask a girl out at 15, but she rejected her and made fun of her for liking girls, from then on the rumours started and everyone knew her as “the lesbian”, from then forward is when the anxiety started.

Alex snapped out of her trance when she noticed that Georgia was looking back at her, Alex quickly looked down, but then looked back up again, to see Georgia's eyes still on her.

Alex suddenly felt a presence behind her, or more so smelt,.

“Hey beautiful” a deep raspy voice mumbled behind her, Alex could smell the alcohol on the man's breath without fully turning around, Alex then felt hands on her waist, she froze, tensing as the man continued talking to her.

“Oi fuck off will ya?” Alex saw someone shove the guy off her, Alex could feel her chest tightening, making it harder to breathe, Georgia then appeared in front of her.

“Alex?, ya alright?” Georgia said quietly.

“I ca..i cant breathe” Alex manages to speak.

“Shall I take you outside?” Georgia suggests, Alex nodded at her words.

Georgia puts her arm around Alex’s shoulder, guiding her to the club's exit, as they leave the club, Georgia finds a bench and sits Alex down.

“Alex, breathe in and out, slowly” Georgia crouches in front of Alex, showing her how to do it. Alex nods and does as she says.

“Good, you're ok, you're safe” Georgia whispers, Alex nods, a couple tears running down her cheeks.

“Oh god” Alex breathes out when she can speak

“You alright?” Georgia says, sitting down next to Alex, a worried look on her face.

Alex nods at her words, resting her head back onto the bench.

“What that guy did is fucking horrible, touching you like that without asking” georgia says angrily.

“My anxiety got so bad, sorry you had to see that” Alex looks down

“Hey, there's nothing to apologise for, I'm glad I got there when I did” Georgia smiles, putting a hand on Alex’s shoulder.

“Thank you for that, i shouldn't need someone to do that, i should be able to tell the person to fuck off myself” Alex says, playing with her ring.

“No Alex, it's not your fault, not everyone is like that, some people go into shock, like you, and some people punch or shove them away, like me” Georgia says softly, Alex nods at her words.

“I dont think im gonna go back in there” Alex shakes her head.

“I can take you home if you want” Georgia suggests Alex

Alex shakes her head, “Georgia, there's no need, seriously i-”

“Alex, I don't mind, I promise, and plus your house is like 20 minutes walking from here right?” Alex nods at Georgia's question.

“Alright, Ella told me that the place me and the girls are staying in is close to your accommodation anyways” Georgia smiles.

They both get up from the bench and begin to walk towards Alex and Ellas place. As they did so, there was a comfortable silence between the two girls, apart from the sound of cars driving by them and the occasional group of teens passing by. but Georgia's voice interrupted the silence.

“Hey, sorry if this is too much to ask but, I saw that when we first sat down, you looked really stressed out, were ya alright?” Georgia fidgeted with her coat zipper as she asked.

“No,no it's alright, I saw that you noticed, it's just i'm not a big fan of these things, going out to clubs and getting really drunk” Alex shrugged.

“It gives me a lot of anxiety, but i don't have any friends besides Ella, sure i had like 2 more back home, but i've been to uni for a couple months and i only have el, i need to make more friends” Alex looked down ashamed. 

“Hey, you've already made one” Georgia smiles at Alex, gently bumping into her, Alex smiles back at her, but it quickly fades.

“I just feel like shit,I don't want Ella to feel like she only needs to hang with me, she has you guys, and a couple other friends she's met here” Alex explains.

“I understand, i'm always here if you need anyone to hang out, if you want to of course i know i can be much sometimes” Georgia rants, Alex shakes her head.

“I'd really like that, don't feel forced to, i know you already have your own friends” Alex says

“There's nothing wrong with making more” Georgia says shyly

After a couple more minutes of walking and their hands grazing every once in a while, Alex and Georgia arrived at Alex’s and Ella’s home.

“This is me” Alex says, stopping at her apartment building door, Georgia stands in front of Alex.

“Thank you, for tonight, you didn't have to see me like that, im s-”

“Alex.” Georgia says sternly, “i wanted to, i know you needed someone with you”

“Thank you” Alex says softly, smiling at Georgia.

“Any time” Georgia smiles back, before Alex could walk away, Georgia spoke up.

“Hey, would you maybe want to go get a coffee tomorrow afternoon?” Georgia asks shyly

“I'm not too busy tomorrow, but if I finish my studying, I'd like to,” Alex smiles at georgia.

“Great!, erm what time works best for ya?” Georgia cringes internally at her excitement.

“any time after 5, is 5:30 ok?” Alex suggests.

“Mhm, perfect, i'm not really doing anything tomorrow, just training in the morning” Georgia laughed.

“Stanway and her football” Alex shakes her head, Georgia giggles at her words.

“Well if it wasn't for football i wouldn't be here, gotta keep it up eh?” Georgia rambled, Alex nodded with a “that's true” expression.

“Well, I should head in, it's getting late” Alex says softly.

“Yeah same, gotta get some sleep before training” Georgia mumbles.

“Goodnight, stanway, thank you for tonight” Alex mentions it again, she wants to make sure Georgia knows she's not taking what the girl had done for granted, no one has calmed her down that quick before.

“Of course Alex, i'll help ya as many times as you need while I'm with you” Georgia smiles, her cheeks slightly red due to the cold, or at least that's what Alex thought in her head.Alex then walks closer to Georgia, wrapping her arms around her, it took Georgia a second to hug her back, not expecting it, Georgia hugged her back tightly, after a couple of seconds, they parted, smiling at eachother.

“Goodnight stanway” Alex whispered.

“Goodlight Lex,” Georgia smiled.

As alex walked up to her door to unlock it, she looked back, watching Georgia walk away, she smiled to herself and let herself inside, once she got into her apartment, she prepared herself a tea, it always helped her calm down after an anxious day, once Alex had sat down, sipping on her tea catching up on her series, her phone vibrated.

“Georgia Stanway has followed you”

“Accept”

“You are now following Georgia Stanway”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! :) x

[hrefna-the-raven]

Hot as Hades

Misc. masterlist - masterlist

Chapters 1 - 2 - 3

Warnings: none

Words: 1620

Summary: getting ready for the next date (this chapter will be a bit boring, sorry in advance)

Chapter 4 - Invitation

"Whaaaaaaat-is-it-now?!", he bellowed, causing them to immediately fall into silence.

Pain and Panic exchanged glances, uttering unintelligible words to each other before one of them eventually took a step forward.

"Your most lugubriousness, we're sorry to disturb you but uhm you have a visitor."

"Guys this is the Underworld", Hades scoffed while conjuring himself a drink, "we constantly have visitors down here, like", his hand waved towards the never-ending stream of souls spiraling downwards past the window, "permanent visitors."

He sipped on his drink as he sunk back on his throne, already dismissing his minions' announcement under unimportant when suddenly the heavy stone doors of the throne room swung open, crashing into the walls on both sides.

"Brother", Zeus swaggered into the room as if he owned it, grabbing Hades by the shoulder and pulling him into a tight hug.

The Lord of the Dead growled, squirming to free himself but failing.

"What brings you to my room of doom, Zeusy?", Hades grumbled, finally able to free himself out of Zeus' iron grip.

"Aw Hades, can't I just check on my favourite gloom from the tomb brother?"

"You rarely, no wait, in fact, never do so. And forgive me if this sounds a bit impolite, but I'm highly suspicious. Sooooo what in the undead are you doing down here?!"

Hades' voice cracked, his attempt to conceal his anger failing, his venom slowly seeping through his words. The night he spent with you was absolutely enchanting, from the delightful conversations to the shared laughter at each other's jokes. He could feel the intense desire you had for him, and he wouldn't forgive himself if he allowed anyone, especially his meddling brother Bolt Boy over there, to ruin it now. His gaze shifted towards his brother, who suddenly appeared overly interested in the table that still stood in the room, a physical reminder of the sweet memories he had created together with you merely hours ago. As if on cue, Zeus turned around, revealing a delicate sapphire belt held triumphantly in his hand. A self-satisfied grin spread across his face, growing more pronounced with each passing moment.

"Did you have a visitor?", Zeus asked, wiggling his eyebrows in a mischievous manner.

Hades' eyes widened in shock as he saw your belt dangling from Zeus' hand. He jumped up and snatched it away.

"None of your business", Hades snarled.

The last thing he needed was Mister High and Mighty snooping around his affairs. He knew Zeus too well, having experienced his meddling firsthand. The first time, it resulted in the rather involuntary responsibility of overseeing the underworld forever, the last time, it ended his relationship and, because it wasn't bad enough,Hades had to make constant, very conscious effort to forget all the instances where he got the blame for his brothers fuck ups. Therefore, he had no intention of divulging any information about you. At least in his scheming mind, he deemed you his which granted you the status of underworld business, and so solely his, business.

"Anyway, tomorrow, Olympus. Make sure to come, brother. It will be a grant gathering of everyone, oh and I've heard intriguing things about the lady you're with, I'm curious."

"Oh why don't you ask Aphrodite? I'm sure if things are being heard, she might want to add some details", Hades muttered.

"I don't know what you're talking about. It's all Greek to me", Zeus winked and vanished, leaving a frustrated Hades behind.

Wasn't it already enough that his brother had imprisoned him in the thankless task of ruling the underworld for eternity? Why did he have to endure Zeus invading the very space of his confinement as well? And for what? To invite him to...something, probably a party. And you were supposed to accompany him, an unspoken invitation, and by extension meet the other gods. Hades closed his eyes, his fingertips pressed into his temples, slowly massaging the growing headache away. He called out for his minions, his muscles tensing at the irritating shuffles of their small footsteps on the stone floor as they approached, giving him a nervous salute. With a snip of his fingers, dark smoke materialised into a wrapped package he had gotten earlier from the Fates, hovering in front of Pain.

"Bring this to her, tell her I'll pick her up at sunset and nothing more! Capiche?"

"Yes boss!", Panic replied a little too eagerly, snatched the package, and scurried away with Pain.

As soon as you stepped into your house the following day after a tiring day at work, you sensed that something was amiss. It felt like the atmosphere had shifted, and there was an unfamiliar disturbance lingering in the air. As you passed through the kitchen, you instinctively grabbed a knife and cautiously made your way towards your bedroom. Carefully you pushed open the door, ready to defend yourself, but your steps came to an abrupt halt as you spotted two young boys energetically jumping on your bed.

"What in the-?"

"She's here, she's here!", both interrupted you and crawled off the bed, holding up a package.

"The boss will pick you up at sunset, wear this, nothing more!", proudly announced the boy with brown hair.

"That's not what he meant by saying that, you idiot!", the blonde one intervened, slapping the other one on the back of his head.

"Oh and how would you know what the boss meant? I was there when he gave the instructions!"

"Me too! Have you forgotten already?"

"You must be Pain and Panic", you sighed amused, giggling, finally putting the knife away and taking the package.

"At your service", both smiled, saluting you.

"So this is from Hades?", you asked, earning an eager nod from the boys.

"Please tell him we delivered and only did as asked", Pain requested, transforming back into his original form.

"We mean like really really put in a good word for us, we don't wanna be maimed", Panic added.

And with that, they both disappeared. Intrigued, you opened the parckage and ran your fingers along the smooth black material of a gown. You let out a gasp as you slipped it on, realising that not only did it reveal a generous amount of cleavage, but the fabric itself was see-through, but it also was as if magic concealed certain parts of your body, so never too much was revealed. As you gazed at your own reflection in the mirror, a delightful warmth began to spread between your thighs. Your mind danced with thoughts of the upcoming evening and Hades' intentions, especially considering the revealing and seductive nature of your robe. You weren't left with much time to wonder when you felt the air shift and the Lord of the Underworld emerged from a cloud of dark smoke beside you.

"Hi babe, I'm a bit early so I figured I'd pick you up here since we've gotten to know each other a bit better yesterday, you know it's more personal and all", Hades strolled around you, his eyes scanning the room, "I must say I dig your style, simple and yet those small skulls and bones give this place a personal touch, thumbs up-", his gaze finally landed on you, "wow wow wow, babe, I uhm, it suddenly got super hot in here and it's definitely not me for once!"

You chuckled at the god standing in front of you, his eyes roaming over your form, dilated pupils and open mouth, unable to hide his burning desire and you could have sworn that his flames burned even hotter than usual.

"You sent the robe."

Your voice broke Hades out of his train of thoughts and brought him back into the present moment with you.

"The Fates picked it", he casually remarked, attempting to regain his usual cool demeanour, "and they weren't wrong when they promised me I wouldn't regret it. But something's missing, hm hm hm", Hades pondered, tapping his finger against his lips, his brows furrowing, "ah yes I know! Let me help with the final touch."

Your hair started moving on its own, swirling and twisting until it formed a chignon at the back of your head adorned with a small bird skull. The tips of the few long strains hanging down on the side of your face were tinted in an almost glowing shade of the same blue as Hades' flames. A silent wow left your lips as you caught a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror. The combination of the elegant hairstyle and the flowing robe draped around you gave you a shimmer of divinity and a smile danced across your lips as you turned around hugging Hades.

"It looks perfect, thank you", you whispered, your words barely audible as they sank into the soft fabric of his toga.

"So well, are you ready to start the night?", he asked anxiously, his hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

You nodded, though a hint of suspicion flickered in your gaze as you observed him.

"Then get ready to meet the family!", he spoke quickly, his arm encircling you tightly as he pulled you closer.

"Wait what?! Does that mean we're going to O-", you cut yourself off with a scream as your surroundings seemed to dissolve.

You closed your eyes, nausea pooling in your stomach while every muscles in your body tensed at the feeling of weighing tons and being weightless at the same time. Just as suddenly as it began, it abruptly ended again and when your feet felt steady ground underneath, you cautiously opened your eyes and gasped in surprise.

"Olympus", you murmured, blinking several times, half-expecting to find yourself back in your own home, awakening from a dream.

Chapter 5

[daintev]

I'M BACK WITH MORE MTCPT!!!

I've lost track of time and can't remember the last time I posted mtcpt stuff, it's been nearly two weeks, maybe??

Anyway, I've seen a lot of people discovering the original version of My Two Cents Plus Tax so I wanted to draw their old designs again :D

Sanders, buddy, you're fantastic man but that old haircut....

Anyway, I've had this silly little head cannon that Jock & Sanders have this thing together of sharing and listening to music with each other. So, it was fun to think they've been doing that since the early days of working with each other.

I can't stop putting characters in sweet, nice and relaxed scenarios. I'm a sucker for feel-good stuff, so naturally, I keep putting my favourite characters in these blissful, quiet moments

There's no particular idea I had when drawing this, I kinda realised I've never drawn or at least not for a while, drawn someone holding a cat. It was fun thinking about how each of them would interact with a cat, I think Jock would be a big fan of cats: I think Jock wasn't close with a lot of people growing up so he'd probably befriend the local street cats.

I NEED YOU ALL TO HEAR ME OUT!! This was a very rushed sketch of an idea I had. Okay okay so the three-legged race chapter is the last chapter of the comic for those of you who don't know, and I was thinking about how it'd end.

To be honest I've got no clue how it'd end, HOWEVER! I'm betting near the end: we'll see Sanders smile. NOW it's VERY unlikely this could happen and this is just me making predictions for the hell of it, but it's just a fun idea I wanted to explore a little. Whether he smiles or it's a different expression, I just think it'd be super hype. AGAIN this is just for fun, I don't know if or entirely think it will befit the story. If it does then great! but this is me messing around for enjoyment :]

Ending it on a small note: just some random sketches :D

I'm still working on my mini mtcpt project, I've been putting it off for a while (procrastination strikes again!) and my first semester just finished so I've yet to get around to finishing it.

As always I appreciate the support shown to my art, it genuinely means the world to me as a silly teen artist drawing these silly little characters <3

[curioushabitforarivergod]

dark(ish) academia books that I don't see recommended enough

I read a lot, both fiction and non-fiction, and a lot of the stuff I've read over the past 2-3 years has had underlying academic tones. I've tried to include books I've at least enjoyed, although there are a few 3 star ratings. All of these books are ones I haven't really seen mentioned in compiled dark academia lists (mainly because some of them fall outside the general scope and are more ✨vibes✨). Feel free to add more less well-known books. I've included my own blurbs of the books but I've got shit memory and some I read like 2 years ago so yeah

Fiction

"Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world." Voltaire

To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf

Takes place over 10 years and explores family and the destruction left behind after WWI. It discusses the feminine vs. masculine in art and while it can be a little slow to read (took me close to 3 weeks!) theres some really beautiful passages and also some funny ones as well — the characters spend several chapters at a dinner party convinced everyone hates them and constantly hating other people too.

The Dark is Rising (series) by Susan Cooper

Okay, yes this is a kids book series from the 70s/80s but it explores English, Cornish and Welsh mythology and has really good characters and world-building. Even though chronologically the series goes: Over Sea, Under Stone; The Dark is Rising; Greenwitch; The Grey King; Silver on the Tree, it's best to read The Dark is Rising first and return back to Over Sea, Under Stone. Anyway, I love this series and I read The Dark is Rising every Christmas because it corresponds pretty much with the days and is easy to place and that's kind of what makes it feel very cozy and academic. Also, theres some brief moments of time travel to the past.

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

This is a beautiful written masterpiece set across the 20th century featuring plenty of train rides across Europe and vampires. It explores some of the history of Walachia and Dracula, as well as the Ottoman Empire and European politics of the time. It's a hefty read but I loved it because it combines history, dark academia, fantasy and vampires.

Macbeth by William Shakespeare

My favourite of Shakespeare that I've seen so far and honestly murder is so dark academia I don't need to talk any further. Strangely, I don't see this recommended enough.

Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell

This was quite popular a year or two ago, and honestly for good reason. I think it's only really academic because it's linked to Shakespeare and explores the less well-known lives of Shakespeare's family, but it's very good and I thought I'd include it anyway.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

This one feels really light academia to me, but I think it's mainly because of setting. It's set in this fantastical old and crumbling mansion that goes on forever. It's filled with statues and it floods and only two people live in the world. The story is told entirely through diary entries, but it's so well-written because it defamiliarises the reader entirely. It was a light and easy read for me, which is probably why I'm associating it with light academia rather than dark academia.

The Book of Goose by Yiyun Li

This book kinda mixes chaotic academia and cottagecore academia and is a reflection of girlhood and youth spent in the French countryside in the 50s. There's a toxic relationship between two friends who write a book together before one of them attends prestigious girls' school in England. Also the opening lines are amazing: "You cannot cut an apple with an apple. You cannot cut an orange with an orange. You can, if you have a knife, cut an apple or an orange. Or slice open the underbelly of a fish. Or, if your hands are steady enough and the blade is sharp enough, sever an umbilical cord."

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

Another classic! I love Waugh, and Brideshead revisited is amazing and my favourite of what I've read of his. The book is quite homoerotic — explicitly so at times, which is fascinating for something published in 1945 — and deals with romanticisation. It nestles quite snugly between Picture of Dorian Grey and Secret History in terms of a dark academic literary canon.

Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen

This is more gothic than dark academia, but it's also a satire of the gothic genre so I feel like it counts. It's definetly not as well known as some of Austen's other works and feels much more raw, particularly because its her first work (although not published until after her death). It's not my favourite Austen, but I love it all the same, especially because of its commentary on warning the romanticisation of other peoples lives and the gothic/dark academia. Although dark academia wasn't a thing in Austen's day!

Possession by A. S. Byatt

I love the main story but because its so metafictive and explores the relationship between two made-up poets (one of whom is bi and cheats on her gf with the second) from the perspective of modern academics, it can get quite hard to read sometimes. It's also really long, but definitely worth reading.

Non-Fiction

I feel like non-fiction is pretty over-looked when it comes to the academia aesthetic which really says something, given that its… kinda the whole point of academia?? Anyway, I read a lot of history books, but I only put down the ones which I found interesting or easy to read, so they're more popular histories than academic histories. Also; essays.

The Year 1000: What Life Was Like At the Turn of the First Millennium by Robert Lacey

This explores early medieval life in England based on the Julius Work Calendar, an Anglo-Saxon manuscript believed to date to 1020BCE. It's honestly a really light and interesting read and it talks about what everyday life was like, which I think is important in history. It's in a narrative style so it's quite easy to read even if you don't consume history often.

Oh, to Be a Painter! by Virginia Woolf

This is actually a short, published collection of Virginia Woolf essays on art. I read the essays all in one sitting because they're quite short, but if you're into art and art academia, I'd highly recommend. There's also an essay on the cinema which provides some interesting insights into todays world particularly as Woolf was writing at the time when cinema was only just becoming widespread and an industry in its own right.

A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift

This is a satirical essay on attitudes towards the poor and it suggests that poor people might sell their children as food for the rich, highlighting the callousness of the upper classes. It's available free online and very much relevant today, despite being written close to 300 years ago.

The Time Traveller's Guide to Elizabethan England by Ian Mortimer

Very useful if you ever find yourself stuck in the Elizabethan period! It's read as a sort of travel guide but includes plenty on history as well, providing a picture of what England looked like in the late-Tudor period. Also people will think you're a time-traveller if you carry it around, which adds to your intrigue and mystery.

A Memoir of Jane Austen by James Edward Austen-Leigh

If you like Jane Austen and haven't read this memoir, you should. It's written by her nephew, so it's quite biased and it's not amazing in any way, but it provides a lot of context to her life and is a good light-read or coffee table book. Also my copy was pale pink so win.

Thats it folks. Feel free to include your own less well-known book recs that follow dark/light/chaotic, etc. aesthetics! I'd love to compile a huge list and read more outside my comfort zone.

[canirove]

Granada | Chapter 3

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

"You look beautiful, Rowena."

"I hate it" she replied while looking at herself in the mirror. It had been a few days since her attempt to run away and she hadn't tried to do it again, but after seeing the wedding dress the Queen had chosen for her, the idea of giving it another go was very tempting.

"We were told this was the fashion in your country" the seamstress said.

"A century ago, maybe" Rowena sighed. "I look like one of those cupcakes your mother used to give us."

"You actually do look a bit like a cupcake, yes" Anne chuckled.

"Can we… can we change the skirt?" 

"We could take off some of the layers" the seamstress suggested.

"Wait, no. I think I have an idea."

"Rowena, where are you going?" Anne asked.

"Our room. I just remembered this illustration from a book I read that may help us do something with all… this."

"But you can't leave while wearing your wedding dress! What if the Prince sees you?"

"I'll be fine. He probably is somewhere doing something he shouldn't" Rowena said.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━          

"What are you wearing?" someone laughed behind Rowena.

"A dress" she answered as she kept walking.

"You look… I don't know how you look" Prince Rúben laughed.

"Like a cupcake."

"A what?"

"A cupcake. Don't you know what that is?"

"Never heard that word before" he replied, now walking next to her. Him and his stupid long legs, always catching up to her despite walking as fast as she could. Though on that dress, it wasn't too fast. 

"A cupcake is like a small cake with cream. The Queen used to get them for Anne and I when we were kids, and that's what I look like."

"Oh… I see. Do you like them?"

"I like eating them, not wearing them."

"Understandable" he chuckled. "Where are you going dressed like that?"

"Why do you care?"

"Well, you are about to be my wife, and you have this habit of wanting to run away."

"It only happened once."

"But you've definitely thought about doing it a few more times" he smirked.

"Whatever."

"So, where are you going?"

"My room."

"Why?"

"Don't you have somewhere else to be? Something else to do?"

"I actually don't, no" he shrugged.

"Urgh" Rowena groaned, rolling her eyes. "I'm going to my room to fetch a book. It has an illustration of a dress I want to show to the seamstress."

"Wait… Is this your wedding dress?" 

"Not if I can help it" she sighed. "Though maybe I should actually wear this one."

"Why would you do such thing? It is horrible, and you definitely look uncomfortable wearing it."

"Because back home they say that if the groom sees the bride wearing her wedding dress before the ceremony, it brings bad luck. So maybe, if I wear this one, we won't have to get married" Rowena smiled.

"Or maybe the bad luck will be that you actually end up marrying me" Prince Rúben replied with a matching smile.

"That's… urgh" she groaned again, making him laugh. 

"Anyway, I better leave you alone to fetch that book. Now I'm curious to see what dress you will be wearing."

"Great" she said as she picked up her skirts and kept walking, leaving him behind.

"But Romina" the prince called.

"It's… what now?" 

"Make sure it has an interesting back. If you run away half way through the ceremony, at least let me see those hips of yours moving one last time."

"You are so lucky I can't reach one of my shoes right now" she said, making him laugh once again. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━          

One week. 7 days. 168 hours. Kind of. That was the time Rowena had left before she had to marry Prince Rúben. And it kept being an idea she wasn't looking forward to. She had managed to convince the seamstress to make her the dress she wanted, so that was something. And she was going to get married in the gardens, now her favourite place in the palace, which made things a bit better too. But just a bit.

As she walked through them, she heard people talking behind some trees, someone laughing. And that laugh was one she had already gotten very used to. 

"Can you do it, then?" Prince Rúben asked to a maid. 

"Of course I can, my prince" she replied. 

When she saw them, they were talking very close to each other. Too close if we keep in mind that they were a Prince and a servant. 

"Afternoon" Rowena said, making both of them jump.

"My lady" the maid replied before quickly leaving, her cheeks bright red.

"You know, you could at least be more careful" Rowena said as she started walking away. 

"What do you mean?" Prince Rúben asked, showing up at her side like he always did. 

"Your lovers. You should be more careful next time, meet with them where people can't see you. You are about to get married, remember?"

"Jealous?" he smirked.

"Of course not" she snorted.

"Then?"

"If someone who wasn't me had seen you, you may had gotten that poor girl in trouble."

"I see… So you aren't jealous, you just care about that maid."

"Exactly. If an unmarried woman is seen alone with a man, and behaving the way you were, her life will be over. Even more if he happens to be a Prince and she is just a maid. You will walk away unscratched while she will be left with nothing. That's how unfair life is to women."

"It actually is, yes.”

"Well, if you agree with me, then you know what to do next time."

"I'll meet her in the kitchens."

"You what?" 

"She works in the kitchens. Next time I want to ask her a favour, I'll do it there."

"You… you…"

"Look at the colour of your cheeks" Prince Rúben laughed. "She isn't my lover, Romina. Relax."

"Rowena" she whispered. "But if she isn't your lover, what were you talking about?"

"I was asking her a favour, I already told you."

"What kind of favour?"

"Not the one you were thinking about" he smirked, making her cheeks feel warmer. 

"Then tell me."

"I can't, it's a secret."

"What?"

"A secret" he repeated. 

"My prince, you are needed in the stables" a servant said, interrupting their conversation.

"Duty calls” Prince Rúben sighed. “See you around… cupcake" he smiled at Rowena before walking away with the servant.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━          

"My lady, may I come in?" a maid asked after knocking on the door.

"Of course" Anne replied. 

"Prince Rúben has sent this for Lady Rice" the girl said, leaving a covered tray on the table.

"For me?" Rowena asked, finally looking up from her book. That maid… She was the one she saw him talking with.

"For you, my lady" she smiled.

"What is it?"

"I can't tell you, my lady. He said that you should see it for yourself."

"I don't like the way that sounds."

"Oh, Rowena. Stop being so distrustful and check what it is!" Anne said.

"Alright, fine" she replied as she slowly lifted the lid that was covering the tray. "No way."

"Cupcakes!" Anne laughed. "Those are cupcakes!"

"How… why… he…" Rowena mumbled, too stunned to say anything coherent.

"The Prince said you liked them and he asked me to make them for you. That was what we were talking about the other day."

"You were talking about cupcakes?"

"Yes, my lady" the maid said. "If I ran away like that, it was because I didn't want to ruin the surprise."

"Oh. I see."

"Isn't it cute, Rowena? He made you cupcakes! Well, not really, but you understand what I mean" Anne chuckled.

"I hope they taste good. I followed a recipe from a book Prince Diogo bought for the kitchens after your engagement was announced. He wanted us to learn some traditional meals from your country so you wouldn't miss home too much."

"Did he?"

"Yes, my lady" the maid smiled.

"Aww, that is so thoughtful! Isn't it, Rowena?" Anne said. But she was still looking at the cupcakes. Prince Rúben had asked someone to make her cupcakes. He had paid attention to what she had told him when they had met. He had remembered. And that also was why he had called her cupcake. "Should we try one?"

"Uh?"

"The cupcakes, Rowena. Should we try one?" Anne asked. "I'm sure she is dying to know if you like them or not."

"I actually am" the girl said. "If you like them, the Prince would like to serve them on your wedding day."

"He… he said that?"

"He did, Lady Rice" she smiled.

"Then we must try them" Anne said. "Looks like he isn't as bad as you thought, uh?"

"Yes... looks like" Rowena replied, her eyes fixed on the small cakes.

[highladyluck]

13 books tag game, tagged by @amemoryofwot and @asha-mage (incidentally I typoed that as "amemeryofwot" which would be an excellent sideblog concept, maybe snatch that one up?)

1) Last book I read:

Mistress of the Empire by Raymond Feist & Janny Wurts (at the time I started filling this out, anyway… I've been working on this ask for several days) This whole trilogy was a delight, thanks to @sixth-light for telling me I would love Mara!

2) A book I recommend:

The Best of All Possible Worlds by Karen Lord. It's a quiet little road trip romance exploring grief & diaspora, in a setting that I can best describe as 'if Madeline L'Engle had been in charge of Star Trek worldbuilding'. (If you squint you can see analogues to humans, Vulcans, Romulans, and Orions, but the tone is reminiscent of L'Engle.) There are sequels that follow different characters but this is the first one and it works as a standalone. I feel like it has a lovely light touch on some intense subjects and I appreciate the way each chapter works as a separate story while still fitting into the whole.

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

I remember staying up past my bedtime for The Monster Baru Cormorant, I think? At the very least, that's where we first get my beloved Tau-Indi, and the pacing on the climax is kinda weird, about 2/3rds in, so I think I would have read through to it without stopping. I don't know if this question is supposed to be about compellingness or pacing? Probably compellingness, I think I'm weirdly fixated on structure when I read things. But sometimes I think books you 'can't put down' are at least partially that way because there's no damn place to breathe, and I don't entirely approve.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more)

I see from literally everyone who has tagged me in this that this is one of the two free spaces for Wheel of Time, but I'll switch it up: Lifeboats by Diane Duane. It's set between Young Wizards 9 & 10 and deals with an emergency response team permanently evacuating an entire alien population from a natural disaster (RIP their moon and also consequently their planet). This novel is a huge comfort read for me and is undoubtedly the Young Wizards work I've read the most. I don't really know how to explain what it means to me… I wish I had had it when I was living and working in a foreign country.

5) A book on my TBR

A friend recommended Cahokia Jazz (in general, not to me specifically) and it sounds SO MUCH like my jam. I suspect if I can't find it at my library soon, I'll end up buying the ebook.

6) A book I’ve put down

Can't think of a recent one, but if I hadn't forced myself to finish reading it because it was a Hugo Award nominee, I would have DNF'd Project Hail Mary.

7) A book on my wish list

I wish for more Baru Cormorant but I also literally cannot imagine how Seth is going to write that next book. So like, I'm girding my loins for Baru #4 either 15 years from now or never.

8) A favourite book from childhood

When I was really little I loved the Berenstain Bear books and my mom HATED that I loved them ("they were so badly written!" - my mom the children's librarian) but she bought them for me anyway. That's love.

9) A book you would give a friend

You all need to read Middlemarch by George Eliot. I don't care what stage of life you're at, you will find something resonant in it. Read it now, and read it again in 20 years. Give it to recent high school grads. Give it as a wedding present. Take it to the beach. BUT I am specifically recommending it to the WoT contingent, because the characters are so good!

10) The most books you own by a single author

It's actually either Diane Duane or Terry Pratchett, and DD's probably winning because I don't have every Pratchett book but I do have almost every DD book including tie-in novels.

11) A nonfiction book you own

Four Lost Cities: A Secret History of the Urban Age by Annalee Newitz. I don't read a ton of nonfiction but the writing is very engaging and I think cities are neat.

12) what are you currently reading

I'm between books but I just finished The Imposition of Unnecessary Obstacles (as I am writing this part several days after question 1). I didn't like it as much as the first one, The Mimicking of Known Successes, but I think it's just a taste thing. I didn't like being in Pleiti's POV very much, her overthinking is too much like mine and it alternately stresses me out and makes me angry, because I can see the assumptions/unhelpful thought patterns but I can't fix them. Obviously, to draw that reaction from me the characters are well-defined, and I like everything else about the series, I just hope it goes back to Mossa's POV.

13) what are you planning on reading next?

WHEN WILL 'RED SIDE STORY' BY JASPER FFORDE REACH MY HOUSE??? I have been waiting like 15 years for this sequel to Shades of Grey and the entire point of preordering it was so I could have it ASAP. I could have walked into a bookstore on May 9th and walked out with it, and instead I won't get it until tomorrow. >:(

I think I am supposed to add a shelfie? The organizing principles(s) of this shelf in my bedroom are very weird…. Classics/adventure, fantasy, popular science writing? Someday I need to reshelve everything in the house according to size/favoriteness/genre/theme/vibes (in that order) but I haven’t felt like it.

I think pretty much everyone I was going to tag already got tagged, so whoever want to do it, go ahead!

[meggie-stardust]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks to the ever lovely @lucky-bishop for the tag! <3

How many works do you have on ao3?

74! Which feels both like a lot and not that much at the same time.

What's your total ao3 word count?

270,119?!

What fandoms do you write for?

Right now primarily Teen Wolf and I recently revisited my first fandom of Gundam Wing. I've also written a ton for BBC Merlin, Percy Jackson/Heroes Of Olympus, BBC Sherlock, Harry Potter, Newsies and random other things...

Top five fics by kudos:

Act of Man | BBC Merlin | Arthur/Merlin

Nightmares | PJO/HoO | Percy/Jason

Looking for the Thing We Lost | Teen Wolf | Peter/Stiles

Here I Am (Stuck in the Middle With You) | PJO/HoH | Percy/Jason

Know How A Man Becomes a Beast | Teen Wolf | Peter/Stiles

Do you respond to comments?

Yes, on all of my stuff from the past few years. There are older fics that I've opted not to respond to comments on for varying reasons, but I do read them all.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

When I have angst, I like to have it with a happy ending, but I would probably say this fliclette I wrote based on the prompt: "Can you do a Jasercy fic where Jason is trying to comprehend the fact that Percy's gone, preferably death, but it doesn't have to be."

A Slow Deep Panic | PJO/HoO | Jason/Percy

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I really like the end of Stuck Between Stations. After putting Stiles and Peter in the Wild Hunt and in time loop, the least I could do was give them a happy ending.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not hate, but I have gotten weird comments. I usually just ignore if they are just odd, but I have also deleted comments that are boarding on hate.

Do you write smut?

Yep!

Craziest crossover:

Aside from one HP/Sherlock fic that was co-written with my bestie and that we both abandoned, I don't really do long form crossovers (and that one wasn't crazy anyway). That said, there was a tumblr prompt game years ago, that was for 3 sentence fics and almost every prompt I got was a crazy crossover:

Dean and Castiel. Fight Club

MJN crew (bonus points for including Herc Shipwright). Supernatural hunters.

Sherlock/John. Teenagers working at Mooby's (View Askewniverse).

Jack/Spot, Night Vale AU.

Arthur and Eames. Exorcism.

You can read all of these and a few others: 3 Sentence Fic Collection. And actually, this was a fun trend, we should bring it back.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, and knock on wood it never happens.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! A few actually, and it's always so, so, so flattering:

Acts of Man was translated into Chinese

Black Sails in the Sunset was translated into Português

Looking for the Thing We Lost was translated into Russian

This is a perfect time to say that I am always open to my fics being translated, podficced, remixed, etc. Just let me know so I can gush about it!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, the aforementioned abandoned HP/Sherlock fic, but it's been ages. @punchedbymarkesmith and I have kicked around some collab ideas, which I think would both be a blast and also for a potentially niche audience. Maybe 2024 is the year this happens!

All time favourite ship?

Steter is the one I've stuck with the longest, but I do have a few that I will always return to in the same way you might eat a comfort meal.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Look, I really, really want to finish It's Only Forever. I have like 1, maybe 2 chapters left. But it's been so long and I feel like my writing has changed, and idk. Every year I say I'm going to work on it, and every year I don't... le sigh.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at finding a small moment in canon and then diverging from that. I also think I'm good at authentic dialogue and I think I'm pretty good at world building.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Action/fighting. Keeping things short unless it's a drabble/other restrictive format.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I am not fluent enough in any language other than English to do this confidently. Instead, I would write something like:

Stiles cursed at them wildly in Polish.

or

Peter responded in French, then turned back to Stiles and resumed their conversation in English.

First fandom you wrote in?

Gundam Wing. All of my old fic from *cough* 20+ years ago is lost to the annals of time (actually some is still on archived GW 1x2 sites if you look hard enough). And if you are one of like 7 people who remember my username, you can find my Newsies and Harry Potter fic (my next two fandoms) still on ffn. After I got out of a bad relationship that kept me from my own interests, including fandom, I returned with BBC Sherlock fic, which you can still find on AO3 if you scroll to the beginning of my profile.

Favorite fic you've written?

Gosh, I feel like this changes all the time, but I am particularly proud of At This Truth We Have Arrived. I loved exploring certain aspects of Peter's character, and doing a different take on Nogistune Stiles. I was also able to incorporate a lot of different themes and elements into it, as well as get my own closure with Monroe, something that has bugged me since the finale. Plus, I think I was able to accomplish a reveal that would add extra elements if anyone went back and re-read the story (even if I somewhat show my hand if anyone paid attention to the epigraph).

I have no idea who has done this yet, since I sat on this for a bit... so no pressure tags for @lolahardy @mirrorthoughts @myletternevercame @punchedbymarkesmith @midmorning-bomb @like-lazarus

[aihoshiino]

I saw recently you said that you dont like the current version of akane, and I honestly agree. But what are your reason you dont like post tb akane

Hello anon, sorry for the wait!!! I have actually been pecking at the response for this all week because it ended up dovetailing into some of my broader thoughts and issues with the manga using my feelings about Akane's characterization as a sort of lens/jumping off point. I hope this is still interesting to read even though it took forever to answer lol.

I also want to note that the bulk of this post was written before chapter 128! Some of my issues that are mentioned in this post did get sort of poked at and paid some lipservice in a way that makes me hopeful we'll get some improvement on this stuff as the movie arc progresses. Think of this as 'my pre-128 thoughts' if you come across it in like a post chapter 130 world in the distant future. It's also uh fucking long (it was over 2000 words long when I stopped counting.....) so enjoy this mini essay???

To get my most neutral thoughts out of the way up front, Akane is a character I really like in LoveNow! I think the arc she's given is compelling and her struggles feel super real. The gradual peeling back of her outer layers and the reveal that she's just as damaged by the industry as the people around her was really good and my only real major problem with LN is that I felt like the aftermath of her suicide attempt (at least, emotionally speaking) was glossed over a bit too quickly for my liking. On top of that, I like a lot of ideas about TB Akane on paper and I'm not inherently against any of the things that get put on the table in relation to her. My issues are more to do with the ways Akasaka executes said ideas and – imo – fails to capitalize on a lot of the interesting potential that a character like Akane presents.

I think this issue partially stems from the fact that Akane and Memcho were (iirc anyway) not actually originally intended to stick around with the main cast past the LoveNow arc. Memcho didn't really have a personal arc during LoveNow and during the rest of the manga, she sort of has a "flat" arc, so I think she makes the transition a lot more gracefully. Which is not to say Memcho herself is a flat character lol! Rather a 'flat' arc is when a character doesn't necessarily have some major change in themselves, but their intrinsic traits/beliefs/etc help to advance the arcs of characters around them; sort of like a mentor type character, if that helps.

Akane, by contrast, had a pretty dynamic character arc that felt as though it was intended to be relatively self contained and conclusive but with Akasaka's plans changing behind the scenes, Akane has ended up sort of outlasting the arc she was originally set up to have. That's not to say a character can't still be relevant after their arc is done or that a character needs an active ongoing arc to work within a story but there's a lot of things about the way that arc is simply not resolved that bug me – for example, the arc wrap makes a big point of saying that Akane will probably have to deal with ongoing online negativity for the rest of her career but this never comes up again even in places where it really should be relevant. I also just personally am not a big fan of how quickly and completely Akane's suicide attempt gets swept under the rug and is literally never addressed again once LoveNow wraps but that's more of an issue with OnK's bad habit of dropping loose threads a whole than it is something specific to Akane.

As for the rest of it… uh, this might be a bummer to see in the main tag if Akane is your Oshi no Girlie so I'll put the rest of my thoughts behind a cut. Akane enjoyers, please feel free to pretend I'm just talking about my favourite ice cream flavours or something. Or even go get some ice cream yourself and say it's on me. I don't care if it's October, ice cream is a forever food!!!

SO… To get the most immediate and shallow points off the table first, I just find the character design change between LoveNow and TB Akane really jarring lol. Like, I guess it's not necessarily impossible for her hair to have grown down to her chest in the time between LoveNow and when she pops back up but that combined with the changes in how she starts being characterized really just widen that gulf. The only time she ever really feels like LoveNow Akane to me again is when she takes Aqua to see a 2.5D play and is just so happy afterwards that he enjoyed it – that's cute! That's charming! That's the Akane I liked a lot in LoveNow and I feel like we don't really see her again after that but it's hard to put my finger on what feels so off. It's kind of just Vibes.

Getting into more serious, structural stuff a big part of why I feel post-TB Akane falls flat for me is simply that a lot of the interesting things Aka put on the table for her during LoveNow have been swept away and ignored. There are so many things that could be done with Akane as a character that are absolutely screaming out with incredible thematic potential but Akasaka hasn't really taken advantage of any of them. At the worst points of the manga, it feels like she's being used as a blunt force tool to make the plot go at the speed Akasaka wants it to progress and this has resulted in Akane spending a good chunk of the story doing literally nothing on-panel that doesn't revolve around Aqua in some way. Everything else – her rivalry with Kana, her passion for acting, her relationship with her family and her manager – is paid the barest bits of lipservice if it's even acknowledged at all but when you really get down to the nitty gritty of what Akane meaningfully engages with and achieves in most arcs now exclusively has to do with Aqua.

It's not inherently a bad thing for a character to be motivated by outside factors or for their actions to be driven by devotion or even hatred for somebody else – Aqua himself is a good example of a character whose arc is driven by both of these things, as his devotion to Ai and hatred for the man who hurt her are the main external things driving him through pretty much the entire story so far. But Aqua also has things going on outside of this – other important connections and relationships, feelings and conflicts and motivations that make him feel, imo, more well realized. Not only that, but his arc has a very well conveyed and easy to understand "want vs need" conflict, of his continued pursuit of revenge having clear and tangible friction with his emotional need to let go of his past trauma and move on.

Akane has, since Tokyo Blade, been sorely lacking in a lot of these areas. Her acting career progresses entirely offscreen with no apparent conflict or effort on her part and she has absolutely no strong or meaningful connections to the cast outside of Aqua and arguably Kana, but they haven't really had any sort of meaningful or meaty interactions since way back around, what, the mid-70s, in chapter terms? Not only that but her existing relationships have largely been completely put to the wayside, too. LoveNow establishes her as a person who cares deeply for the people who care for her – her mom, her manager, her friends on the show. Akane felt so bad about people saying bad things about her mom and her manager online – not even harassment actually directed at them, or that we have any reason to believe they saw or received! – that it contributed to her suicide attempt. Contrast this to when she is literally about to walk off and attempt a literal actual fucking murder and all she's thinking is "aqua… let's have crepes together… let's be together forever…". No consideration for her parents, who are about to go through unimaginable pain, or the promising acting career she's about to destroy? Nope! Akane revolves entirely around Aqua now. It feels insulting!

I don't even necessarily hate or even disagree with taking Akane in the direction of her fixating on Aqua in response to him saving her and feeling like she has to cling to him and throw away her life to 'save' him in return. I do think the story is purposely portraying this as an unhealthy fixation and does not want us to uncritically celebrate this aspect of their relationship but I also just think the story kind of fails to really examine Akane to the logical conclusion of that flaw.

In general, Akane is one of those characters who like… I don't quite know how to express this feeling so forgive me if I go in circles on this topic a bit, but there are occasions where Akane will do or say something genuinely shitty or deranged or display a pattern of behaviour that speaks clearly to a flaw of hers in ways I want to be on board and engaged with but as time passes, it becomes clear that the narrative does not actually see anything wrong with what just happened and so it never gets addressed or meaningfully engaged with. There's a lot of little bits like this (can we talk about how Akane leveraged her suicide attempt against Aqua as a manipulation technique in TB and this never comes up again?? lol???) but the thing that really truly sticks in my craw is the way Akane is repeatedly depicted as continuing to use her fake 'Aikane' persona (as conveyed by the star eyes) during her acting career and starts getting famous at least partially because of it.

This is going to sound really dramatic but as someone who deeply, deeply cares about Ai and is so, so compelled by the tragedy that was her exploitation in life and death – this is so horrifying! This is Akane directly profiting off her exploitation of Ai's image. This is Akane digging up Ai's corpse so she can rip out her guts and parade around wearing them. It is absolutely baffling to me that the story at no point pauses to at least acknowledge that this is another way in which Ai is being exploited even in death – that even now, almost twenty years later, she cannot ever escape or be left to rest in peace as a human being.

Honestly Akane's relationship to Ai is SUCH a mountain of missed opportunities it makes me kind of crazy. Like, we get some wishy-washy stuff about ~Ai's emotions that were revived in her~ but seemingly the only thing done with that is to give Akane a cheat code to magically know things about the mystery she should have no reasonable way of deducting. But like - if Akane really does understand Ai so completely and it's so empathetic that she can Sherlock scan the emotions of a dead woman she had never met then why does she never, you know… express any kind of opinion on her? What does Akane think of Ai? What does she think about the way Ai was exploited and abused by the very industry Akane is trying to break into? Holy shit! It should be SO obvious to draw a parallel between Ai's death at the hands of a ex-fan and Akane's suicide attempt driven by fan harassment. But Akane just… never talks about Ai or even really treats her like a person even though she apparently downloaded Ai into her brain by reading Wikipedia really hard.

It's frustrating because there SHOULD be a really great thematic idea here - other characters often treat Ai as this inscrutable enigma but with Akane, there was the opportunity to make a point that Ai was just a lonely, messed up person and that if Akane can come to understand and connect with her post mortem then the people in her life absolutely could have put in the effort to understand and connect with her while she was still alive. The story failing to have Akane treat Ai even the slightest bit like a person ends up making her feel really callous in a way that was clearly not intentional and is, as a result, frustrating to read. This also comes into play in the ways she's so tunnel visioned on Aqua. Like, there's just something really darkly funny about Akane acknowledging how insanely unimaginably tragic the horror of Ai's death is and the way the people closest to her were robbed of the opportunity to publicly heal and grieve and then she just... totally fails to acknowledge Ruby also experienced this life altering trauma? LIKE

"your little sister is on her own, though"

To be clear, Akane being callous and kind of tunnel-visioned is not in of itself something I have a problem with. As a Category 5 Women's Wrongs Enjoyer (my list of favourite fictional women includes Monika DDLC, Akane Shinjo and Junko Enoshima lol) so I actually think Akane having those sorts of nastier flaws or at least having blinders up that make her behave in such a way that contrasts her actually heart would be so good and juicy! It would be a really good opportunity to dig into ideas of like... someone can go through something horrible that negatively impacts them and maybe even makes them behave in poor and destructive ways, but just because someone isn't a 100% pure and sympathetic 'perfect' victim doesn't at all take away from the fact that they were victimized and they still deserve to be helped and protected. But because the story seems to be largely unaware that Akane comes off like this, it fails to be meaningfully engaged with which, again, makes it frustrating to read.

I do have hope that a lot of these issues will be resolved, though! The AquAkane breakup finally forcefully ripped her out of the role of 'Aqua's Perfect Girlfriend' and while she's still orbiting him a bit more than I necessarily would like, chapter 128 has already done a lot to address some of these issues. Even stuff as small as Akane talking to Memcho and Kana and not really having any page time with Aqua and her acknowledging that both Aqua and Ruby (with particular emphasis on Ruby, it seems!) are both still suffering in the aftermath of their childhood trauma. It's small, but a lot of my issues with Akane were of the 'death by a thousand cuts' variety so even having them addressed in these passing ways does a lot to help.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I eventually come around on Akane and end up liking her a lot more. I've sort of had similar feelings about characters in works I like before – off the top of my head, I remember really disliking Naoto from Persona 4 when I first played the game because the section of the story she's associated with has some really bullshit pacing and Naoto is used in some really awkward ways by the narrative that made me associate those feelings of frustration with her. I felt similarly about Megumi from 13 Sentinels where I felt like some of the beats in her story dragged down both her arc and the arcs of the characters associated with her and really disliked her as a result. Upon revisiting both games though, I was able to properly separate my feelings of frustration with the narrative from the characters themselves and ended up coming around on both of them in a huge way.

Once Oshi no Ko wraps and we can see what Akane's arc looks like in its entirety, I fully expect to have a similar turnaround on her. I don't expect that she'll ever be one of my favourite characters but once we can see the totality of her character arc and the full scope of her role in the story, I expect to find more appreciation for her. Right now, though, while I'm still sort of stewing in disappointment, hope, expectation and frustrations it's hard to fully come around on her.

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

Honestly i have so much sympathy for Ailette and the way she mischaracterises Tesilid.

like i myself also fixate on certain parts of the story and extrapolate maybe a bit too much - although in my defence i've only read like half the story.

-but the same can kind of be said of Ailette? This Tesilid is having a new, currently-being-written chapter of his life. In fact she kind of has things even worse, because her characterisation of Tesilid is based off OG!Tesilid, but current Tesilid had his life and outlook irreversibly changed when they met aged 10. But they never really interacted enough afterwards for Ailette to realise just how much of an impact she made on him. She hasn't really had a strong reason to rethink her characterisation of him. Not to mention that she first read the book with her middle school reading comprehension, which. Probably coloured her interpretation for the worse, at least a little.

I really wish Ailette would go into more detail about her own experience as a reader, to really see better how she's viewing this world and its people.

Which paragraphs are the ones that she thinks defines Tesilid's character? (Mine is "I'm praying that they'll all fail the test and go home".)

Which are the ones that made her cry? (Mine's "Right... you're on the side of this world.")

Which are her favourite silly Tesilid moments that make her so fond of teasing Tesilid? (iliac bones)

Which are the ones that reverberate in her head and which won't leave her alone? (Mine is "Please... show me some of that petty mercy too.")

I feel like the fun part of these kinds of isekai story is that. Whatever reaction you had towards Tesilid, be it "wow what a cute kid" or "i'm going to cry, i need to wrap him in a blanket where the world can't hurt him anymore" or "actually he should just destroy the world tbh i would support him", she's been there first and has been doing for at least 10 years, she's the OG. And she's super intense about it too. Like she can say "I need to save him because the story dictates it" all she wants, but the way she reacts so intensely and immediately to Tesilid in danger really speaks volumes of how much emotional investment she has in this guy. Like idk if she really rotates him in her head as much as I do - that might be a me problem - but if you rotate a character in your head enough times while fixating on certain moments and not others, you probably would end up with a biased interpretation of the character. Especially if you don't have someone else to bounce ideas off. And this gets worse if you're actually living in the character's world, because characters in stories serve certain narrative functions, so all their actions which get included in the narration are inherently biased towards portraying them in a certain way that serves said narrative function. But humans are a lot messier and more dynamic.

i just. shakes her up and down. love the concept of an isekai protagonist and the OG protagonist that they love so much.

anyway this whole post is a testament to how much Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint changed the way I interpret fiction and especially isekai stories. Not me anthromorphozing Ailette as if she's really a person and fellow fan who exists and isn't a character lmaoo, i'm definitely not having a "we're all fragments of kim dokja" moment, no sir. i definitely didn't subconsciously draw connections between ORV's isekai'd MC and myself and S-Class Heroine's isekai'd MC and our commonalities as readers who rotate the same story in their heads very many times, and suddenly make a realisation that's actually more relevant to ORV than the actual story that prompted all this. one whole year after i last read ORV, because ORV's story is So Much and so monumental that i'm still haunted by it and figuring it out and it lowkey never left my mind, even after a whole year. (please read orv.) like there are a lot of otome isekai stories about isekai'd MCs realising that the people in their lives don't line up with the OG characters, but none of these stories ever made me viscerally realise what it was probably like for kim dokja, because none of them had isekai'd MCs be that unironically obsessed with their OG protags, and more importantly none of them made me constantly rotate the OG protagonist in my head the way S-Class Heroine does. Han Sooyoung was right, you get as much out of a story as you put in to reading it and re-reading it and re-interpreting it. By putting so much time into S-Class Heroine I accidentally made some relevations about the other story that I was always trying to figure out at the back of my mind. Holy shit.

[keldae]

For the fic asks:

Every….third question!

LET'S GOOOOO =D

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

You want me to pick ONE?? Maaaan... I think I gotta go with this scene from the Soulmate AU we're co-writing! ;)

A second later, cold fire bit into Devi’s neck. She hissed as she felt Astarion close his lips over her skin, eagerly drinking in the blood that trickled out of her veins. Her heart raced in her chest as she fought the urge to squirm. How much blood did he need from her again? How long was she supposed to let him feed off of her? She set her hands on Astarion’s cold chest, ready to push him off. She felt cold, and her limbs had started to tingle. Shit, had he already taken too much of her blood? Abruptly, she felt a pull in her chest, coupled with the sudden, sharp sense of something being wrong. Before she could move, she felt alarm that wasn’t her own, followed swiftly by protective wrath. “Ignis!”

6. least popular fic this year

Probably A Very Fine Line, which was also the only SWTOR fic I got out this year. I guess all my AO3 followers nowadays are following me for BG3 content and not SWTOR, or maybe I just didn't tag this one well! But easily the lowest hit count I've had for fics written this year.

9. longest wip of the year

The modern!AU we're working on, hands-down! We're over 70K words between the two of us and STILL early-ish in the story!

12. favorite character to write about this year

Going off canon characters only, EASILY Gale. ;) Out of all my BG3 fics (60!), he's not tagged as a main character in like... THREE of them.

The rest of the questions under the cut!

15. something you learned this year

"Found Family" is my favourite trope (which I think I knew before anyway, I just never actually said it?), and I'm a more versatile writer than I know! Some writers focus primarily on one or two genres (which makes them masters of their craft!), I tend to bounce between everything that's not horror-related. ;) Angst? Domestic fluff? Smut? I probably have a fic for that!

18. current number of wips

... A lot. >.> The Soulmate AU and the modern AU are at the top of the list, but if I pull up my Google Docs with my assorted one-shot starts...

*counts on fingers*

... 16, I think? And that's just the ones I've started writing, not the assorted prompts in my inbox that I've pasted into a doc so I remember what the prompt is, LOL.

21. most memorable comment/review

All hail @kitoanthony for almost literally making me cry with her beautiful, thoughtful comments on almost every BG3 story I post! Her first one on the second chapter/epilogue of Abduction came the day after I got dumped over Discord, and it completely MADE MY WEEK. <3

24. favorite fic you read this year

HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE.

Okay so I don't think I can find it again, but there was a Gale/Tav smutfic I found here on Tumblr that involved some professor/student roleplay (listen, I have a kink dammit) and it has lived in my head rent-free ever since I read it. I wish I could remember the author!

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

That's like asking me to pick a favourite child! D: I have loved every author I've read from this year, for all the different reasons - sometimes I want shameless smut, and sometimes I want fluff!

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

To nobody's surprise, BG3. ;) But a special shout-out to the DATV fic writers who are doing their damn best to get me on the Lucanis romance train! (First I need to get the damn game... which means I should probably finish DA2 and DAI first...)

[avalonia320]

Thank you for the tag @hotpinkmurex!!

✨️Fanfic Writer Interview✨️

How many works do you have an ao3?

Nine and I have three or four additional at FFN - don't know if I'll ever bother to bring them over, but I would hate to lose them so maybe.

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Semi-Charmed Life (Shameless) Touched (Shameless) Doorways (Shameless) Momentary Indiscretion (Carol) The Russian (Shameless)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely, one because I'm delighted when people take the time to comment and also because I love to take about my hyperfixations.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Holes which is a Shameless one shot, though I did also use it as a lead in to Doorways.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably Touched. Semi Charmed Life did have a happy ending but that fic had a lot of angst throughout.

Do you write crossovers?

I do not, I wouldn't rule it out in the future but it would most likely be a parody.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not really; I do write sex scenes but they tend to not be the most graphic. I do love a good sex scene, don't get me wrong, I'm just still working on how I can write them in a way that feels worthy to me. I'm demisexual, and the only way I think that ever matters is I think it does influence how I view sex in fics. If I fall for the character and the plot, I'm all in.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Snort...yes. This is back when I was writing Passions fic on a soap opera fan forum. I wrote a really pretty hilarious holiday story that got a lot of attention and someone took it, rewrote it in their own words (badly and with horrible grammar issues, which pissed me off even more) and posted it on the same forum. Not that my fic was that great anyway, but it was mine - like damn, write your own.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, in Russian (Touched), and then somebody wanted to translate one of my fics in Spanish and post it on Wattpad but I wasn't really comfortable with that. (the Wattpad part).

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, once, with my buddy Sid! I was just thinking about that fic the other day and cracking up. We had a lot of fun. Normally I do write solo though.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

(only considering ships I write)Despite all my Shameless fanfic I would have to say Ian/Mickey come second to Louis/Lestat just because I've been into Lestat since I was 11 years old, so the IWTV series is like a perfectly cast fever dream come to life for me. However, I will never ever ever be over Gallavich.

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Technically, the Russian is finished but really it's not because I've got snippets of the last two chapters still saved. I would love to finish it and it and A Momentary Indiscretion are probably my most like to be finished. My least likely to be finished WIPs are Doorways, which grieves me immensely but I had kind of a complicated plot for it and I don't know if I remember it all now, and my epic Twilight fic, which I believe is almost 300k. Problem is I still have a huge amount of fic to go, I haven't written on it in years, and I don't think anyone would read it at this point. But I will always grieve for the whole Voluri storyline that was coming up that I never got to write. Plus writing Elisa was the most fun ever; if I had to pick a favorite OC I've ever written, it would be her.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good with plot, dialogue and characterization. I've been told I'm good at keeping characters 'in character' when I'm writing fanfic, and that means a lot to me - I love them for a reason! I also think I'm good at marrying comedy and drama in most of my fics - I can't write something without humor no matter how dark it is. (see The Russian).

What are your writing weaknesses?

Coming up with summaries - Touched is the only exception. I really hate most of my story summaries. I'm also not the greatest at physical description. I would also say that writing as if I'm seeing it on screen is both a strength and a weakness. What I see in my head is hard to translate into words sometimes.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I've done it for a sentence or two but I don't want to emphasize it because I'm uncomfortable writing languages I don't speak, and I don't entirely trust translation tools.

What is a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Maybe Buffy. I've never felt inspired to write a Buffy fic mostly because I'm so satisfied with the show that I don't feel the need to fix it, etc, but there's gotta be something I can play with.

What's your favourite fic you have written?

Ugh it's like choosing between children, lol. I'd say it's Semi-Charmed Life, the first long fic I stuck with and finished and I'm pretty happy with how it came out. Touched is right behind it because that one was just so much and so much less stressful since I wrote it in about a week.

Tagging @tazzasoon @sideadde @theratwins and any other fic writers that want to play!

[lixenn]

Hiiiiii~!!! These questions are really fun but lemme try to not overwhelm you lmao and give everyone else a chance to ask questions! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

For Chief:

"Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear?", "Has your character gone through major stylistic or physical changes?" and "What is a childhood meal your character cherishes?"

for Cilmi:

"What food or drink does your character consider a treat?", "What element best represents your character?" and "Does your character believe in myths and fairy tales?" [I'll probably send more Cilmi asks later. ( ‾́ ◡ ‾́ )]

Momooo!! Decided to clean up my inbox a bit, so it's time go get you some answers, luv! Thank you for your patience 🙏🥺💜✨

Chief

"Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear?"

I actually answered this question here. It took me a bit to find it because I didn't tag it correctly (thanks for that past!Lix) but digging through the archive got me a hit 🫡

"Has your character gone through major stylistic or physical changes?"

The only change Chief went through is me giving him grey hair I think. Dan is actually not that old at least compared to other OCs I've read about here, he only really became a thing after I started posting the first few chapters of the Guide in March. I had some Guide chapters written down for ages in my phone notes but never posted thim until I went fuck it, but in my notes the one writing the Guide... was just supposed to be some guy lmao I never intended for the narrator to become an OC but it ended up happening anyways and I'm so happy for it.

"What is a childhood meal your character cherishes?"

Chief has a special fondness for Carbonara. His Mum made it regularly when he was a kid and it' still one of his favourite meals. (But only when his Mum makes it, everyone else just messes it up <- not really Chief is just nitpicky as hell).

Cilmi

"What food or drink does your character consider a treat?"

You already know because I needed your help to pick but for everyone else: Cilmi considers bajiya a treat! He doesn't really get traditional food when he's at the Varia compound unless he makes it himself (which he often doesn't like to bother with) so he looks forward to eating it when he visits his family.

"What element best represents your character?"

I'm not quite sure what "element" means in this context since there are a lot of different definitions for this word. My science side wants to get out the periodic table but since there are a lot of elements on there (and I don't know the properties of most) I'm going to make my life easier and chose the ATLA route aka water, earth, fire and air.

Out of those four earth represents Cilmi best. He's steady, grounding, not easy to shake and firm in his beliefs. He's patient but if you hit the right spot he will erupt (seriously don't harm the books, it won't end well for you).

"Does your character believe in myths and fairy tales?"

Okay this is difficult to answer because it varies. There are a lot of unusual things wandering around in the world and Cilmi is aware of all the craziness. He believes in ghost and spirits because he's seen them, he knows something weird is going on with the Castle itself and honestly the things that R & D can cook up are sometimes even more unbelievable than an actual myth, so he tends to give most stories a benefit of doubt. I wouldn't call this belief because... it's more clinical than that. Cilmi is first and foremost a scholar, so his interest in myth and fairy tales is mostly centered in collecting them for the archive, to store them for the future because these stories can tell a lot about the culture they came from.

[glennsparadice]

Do you want to talk about the ending of AOAS? I saw you posted about it and same same same. It's been years for me and I'm still devastated. On one hand, I'm so proud of Greyson because he did the right thing for his future and his character arc, but on the other the Thunderhead needs a massive hug so bad 😭

What did you think of "53 seconds to sunrise?" It's my favourite scene and I will never get over it, and it hurts so much because the Thunderhead got to see one brief, perfect glimpse of everything it could never have and then it had to force itself to let go, knowing Greyson would probably end things the way he ultimately does. Also, what are your thoughts about Cirrus?

yes! yes! I love talking about books :3

for the final hundred pages of the toll, i could NOT put my book down, i was so deep into reading, everything was so vivid. and i was very entertained, as well as nervous, as well as curious. the only moment i had to pause for was when uh Greyson and the Thunderhead had their little talk

i genuinely did not see that coming, my heart started racing (and i cried a little) Tbh before I started reading the series i didn't even know there would be an AI character, but sometime during the first book, when Citra spoke to the thunderhead, I thought....oh my god... possible new AI added to my favorite AI pile??? It quickly became my favorite character during the second book, and I loved the Thunderhead and Greyson's dynamic.. so sweet, so wholesome,, I WASNT EXPECTING PAIN

makes it sadder cuz of how compliant the thunderhead was to greyson's demand. it didn't beg for forgiveness or ask greyson to think things through. it knew greyson had made a choice, and this choice - despite the pain it brought them both - was the correct choice. a truly benevolent and loving AI.

I think the thunderhead's ending is sadder than most AI stories I've read (so far) because of how strongly it feels love. Hate is a strong emotion, but so is love. The thunderhead loves humanity and does its best to make the perfect choices. It calls itself perfect, and it is, in a way.. just like it has imperfections, in a way. I think it realizes how much it longs for and how much it lacks. And it also definitely knows that its love for Greyson has influenced its life so much. So, to take that all away, and simply live with the fact that you love still, and love always, and love patiently, but hurt much worse... "I will be alone. I will be alone, but it is right that I should be. It is necessary." ARRRGHHHHWAAAHHH

anyway, i miss the thunderhead's thoughts in between chapters, but if we had gotten one for this chapter... i would be heartbroken forever

53 seconds to sunrise had me giggling... and tearing up. very bittersweet. imagining the thunderhead able to truly experience was so sweet, i thought if it had gotten a hug, it might have started screeching. (i mean it was already running in circles, my poor baby hasn't experienced everything, yet a simple sunrise and touch of a cheek makes it so giddy)

cirrus was so cute! i figured the iterations were the thunderhead (technically) speaking to itself, but like the characters, it took me a while to figure out exactly what was going on. in my head i read cirrus's voice as higher pitched than the thunderhead's, with more energy and youth. if a voice could have a color, Cirrus's voice would be yellow (at least that's how i see it.. idk if they share a same voice) i love that little AI and its constant saying of "actually, no."

great series but I fear I’ll always be a little sad because of it 😿

+ some screenshots from my insta spam of my live reactions to these scenes

[seth-burroughs]

yakou for the ask meme? (i also hate what the fandom has done to him so i trust your rc opinions. keep up the good work)

Thank you anon I'll do my best🙏

Yakou:

favorite thing about them

How he's a fucking loser but pulled off the most elaborate murder plan just to get revenge for his Dead Wife and stabbed Dr. Huesca not once but like three times and was fine with dying afterwards if it meant that bitch is gonna die too. And now he's stuck with him in the restricted area for an indefinite period. Oh well

Not my actual favourite thing about him (because I cannot choose man) but I really wanted to point it out because I don't see enough people talk about the sheer BLOODLUST that guy had in chapter 4 like holy shit good for him I think he should be allowed to kill murder & destroy whoever he wants

least favorite thing about them

Nothing comes to mind, I'd say he got underutilized but that's the case with most of the characters here tbh (mdarc feels kinda rushed 😔😔) and Yakou is not THAT bad compared to the peacekeepers it's like. It's fine!

favorite line

Can't really pick, probably the chat Yuma had with him in the prologue, but there are a lot

brOTP

Him and the NDA, but especially Yuma his best pal buddy bro ziomek morda mordeczka Yuma who never remembers to get the fucking groceries.

OTP

none tbh

nOTP

Uhhhhhhhh yakou/seth, yakou/yomi. honestly i'm not big on any Yakou ships can't imagine him in a healthy romantic relationship (viviakou toxic sludge is fine though)

random headcanon

Makes the best fucking spaghetti sauce you ever ate in your entire life. But he puts like an entire garlic in it and you can choke to death on the smell. Also he's a trans man. Usually I don't really hc male characters as trans men etc (rather I go the other way, like a canonically female character being a trans man, non-binary et cetera) but both he and Vivia fit the vibes so! Let's goooooo.

unpopular opinion

I HATE HATE HATE the common fandom hc of Yakou being a father figure to Yuma or the whole NDA or to any character. The vibes aren't aligning on that one, he's their extremely tired boss/acquaintance/pal/best pal that lets them do terrible things to his budget if they torment him hard enough. And also because I constantly see Yuma getting treated like a 12 year old, no guys he doesn't need an adult male role model and father figure, he needs his 6ft tall 1000+ years old death god gf back from the book and to explore his much more attractive rich and successfull perfect homunculus clone's body that'll fix him I believe.

Also: I'm all for NDA found family (even if we didn't get much of them from the actual game...) but please stop making them like. a nuclear mom dad and their beautiful two children family it doesn't have to conform to any rigid roles pleaseee sometimes you're found family and fuck each other it's FINE jeuss. I was about to say something but I'm having a real one right now qhat what I forgot what I typed I suggest you forget too.

Anyway him and Yuma play minecraft together they pull of the most complicated redstone mechanisms and once every few days his house gets burned down by Desuhiko who logs into Yuma's computer while he isn't looking. He always leaves behind a very visible trail of cheeto dust on the keyboard however Yuma would never snitch on the boy that makes him warrior cats pride pfps free of charge so he just tells Yakou it's a hacker

song i associate with them

Generic old songs on the radio. I don't have any

favorite picture of them

h-HELLO???