#anyways this is probably it for little prayers. there's more in this au but I'll make another post then

[vm-haunts]

...

The spirit is always there with the child, but most of the time they're... resting. Aware, but only barely, of the world passing by them, and later of the child that tried to speak with them.

They're getting better though. At first the only clear thing they can process is the child's voice when he speaks to them. Then they found enough strength to stay with the child, before their little shrine is lost.

By the time the child found a new home again, the spirit is aware enough to hum at him, sometimes, beyond just answering his voice.

The spirit still doesn't have a voice, but they can be heard now.

...

The spirit is flying.

Technically they always had been, but this is different. The spirit is flying because the child is flying, and that feels- familiar.

Flying across the skyline, a city sprawling beneath them, the need to protect burning in their heart... The spirit doesn't have memories, but this familiarity might be the closest they get to having one.

Unexplainably, it filled them with equal parts nostalgia and dread.

But, but. The child is happy. Well fed and warm, in a better place than he had been in- forever. So eager to learn and to help, as he had always been, now happy to finally have the means to do it.

So the spirit is happy too, for the child.

It doesn't stop their humming worry.

...

There is a watch on the table, and the spirit is watching the boy carefully take it apart.

The names are unfamiliar as the boy reads about the innards of a watch, but the spirit feels like he had seen those intricate movemens, held those delicate gears, heard that quiet ticking whirr.

The vibration of a million different movements in motion, the crown turning the gears to set the hands, the escapement of time ticking and whirring until the end of Infinity.

The spirit blinks, and touched his ears. The watch is back in it's box, so he is back besides the boy's beating heart.

The boy sighed, and rubbed his eyes. The watch need a lot more work to fix than he thought. Need a lot more time then he had.

But he will fix it, even if it ends up late.

...

There is a wail building up, had been for a long while now. And this, this would be the final bar to push him past the threshold.

A crack in a dam, in a pressurized tank. In a boy's bones, in a ghost's core.

There is another ghost here, one that doesn't belong. They tried to take the boy from him help. They couldn't.

The spirit- is cradling the boy in their core. Is moving a half dead dying body. Is trying to free, to save, to shield. Is looking at-

A pressure meter digital timer, countdown to an explosion. Always an explosion.

Too late, too helpless, too weak, too useless. Repeat

The other ghost is screaming something, at the body, at the spirit, at the boy.

The spirit swallows down his wail, and hums at the boy instead.

Jason hums back, before the shockwave can reach them.

...

The spirit had no voice, no memory, no shape, no name.

But, it knows that once upon a time, it did. Knows that there is a Before, somewhere, even if it can't remember that. Knows that things must have happened, in that Before, because of what felt familiar.

He has a name, now. Not his name, but he has a name to remember, to trace with his voice, with his fingers.

Jason Todd.

The ghost of a dead boy settled under the hooded angel, and waits for the other boy to wake up.

Little Prayers

A shrine is where gods and spirits resides, a little kid read from a book.

Thinking of that, the kid made a shrine in his corner of the apartment.

It consist of one candle and two prized books, made scared by a few candy wrappers and the prayers of a little child.

A few days later, a tiny wisp of something moved in.

...

The spirit is... weak.

Weak to the point of almost fading, when it found this tiny empty shrine and moved in.

It wasn't always this weak, maybe. Once upon a time, it might even have been strong. With a solid body, a real name.

Now it has none of that, just a wisp that held no memory nor shape.

The spirit confessed to the child, in a voice that isn't made from sound, that it isn't a god, nor can it offer protection in return. That it is sorry for taking the offering but couldn't brought anything in return.

The child doesn't know the difference though, between a god and a spirit, between then and now. Nor does he particularly cares. His little shrine worked and that's the important bit. The child told the spirit exactly that, and got a flicker in the candle light as a nod.

So the spirit stayed, in the little shrine of one candle and two books. Listening to the prayers of a child, spoken more to a friend than a god.

Maybe it can offer something back after all, the spirit thought. A presence, a friend. That'll be... not good or enough, but nice, maybe.

...

Jason is- not lucky, no.

Lucky would mean his mom is healthy, or never had gotten sick; lucky would mean his dad not getting caught, or not needing to work anything illegal at all. That would be real luck, and Jason don't have that kind of luck.

But Jason isn't absolutely unlucky either, he reasoned. His parents aren't good people by the standards of most, but they do love him, when they're able to.

That's better luck than a lot of kids in the Alley.

Jason tells that to the little god- spirit, he isn't sure he knows or cares of the difference. The wisp living in his shrine wavers, and the shadows whispers again that they're sorry they can't help him.

Jason is fine with that. The spirit staying with him in the little shrine is enough luck, maybe.

...

Then, one day, Jason's luck ran out.

Well, not really. There's a lot that can happen to a kid left alone in the Alley, and Jason had avoided the worst of those things so far. It's the same kind of not-quite-luck that he seems to had, and Jason is greatful for it. Sometimes.

Strangely, the spirit follows him still, even without the tiny shrine to hold them. So Jason shares his day and what food he could find, like he always did. He'll eat the offering too, after, like he always did. No sense wasting perfectly fine food.

The spirit flickers sometimes, speaks with him in a way that isn't really speaking, and Jason is... not content, but greatful, maybe, to be not entirely alone.

[keicordelle]

The Daily Inconveniences of an Au Ra: Magitek

"You want me to- to ride the big, hulking steel monster."

"To pilot it," Wedge corrected cheerfully, either willfully ignorant or blissfully misinterpreting the look of horror on Keshet's face.

"I don't-" want to, he was going to say, but he couldn't quite bring himself to shatter the eager optimism on the little lalafell's face. "-know the first thing about magitek," he finished instead.

"Don’t worry about that, we’ll train you how to use it before we send you into combat! We’d never just send you off on your own like that. You’ll be a magitek wizard in no time! The Ironworks crew all came together to discuss while we were fixing her up, and there’s no one more deserving of the honor of being the G-Warrior’s first pilot than you!”

"Don't you have someone a little more... suited to this sort of thing?"

"Oh come now, don't sell yourself short! You did an admirable job piloting Maggie when we sieged Castrum Meridianum!"

That was decidedly not how Keshet remembered that going. He remembered staring at the controls in a blind panic and forgetting everything the engineering troop had tried to cram into his head about how to use it.

Of all the things he had discovered for the first time upon landing in Eorzea, magitek remained the most troublesome. There were no such machines on the Steppe, and certainly no plucky engineers trying to teach him how to use one. Killing them, he could manage. Or destroying them, or disassembling them, or whatever the right word was for something that had never exactly been alive to begin with. But riding them? Why in Nhaama's name would be want to do that? He'd fought the Ruby Weapon on foot, surely he could do it again.

There was something horribly perverse to sitting in a smoking hunk of metal and firing bullets and bombs from its false maw. Well, he supposed it probably wasn't supposed to be smoking if he was the one riding- piloting it, but that was how he usually saw them when he was through with them, and the image stuck. His tribe had already proven when they freed Ala Mhigo from Garlean rule that yols were more than capable of standing against their flying machines. So why oh why did he have to get in one himself?

Before he could form the words to protest further, strong hands landed on his shoulders, pushing him into the saddle (arm chair? command seat?) and belting him firmly in place. It seemed no amount of pleading and protesting in the world was going to change Cid's mind once it was made up. Blessed Nhaama, Dusk Mother, ô fair Matron of Dark, please please please let the other magitek arms blow up and not the one I'm sitting in. If you grant me this wish I promise I'll never ride another one of these cursed things again. Cid's ironclad will be damned.

If the Dusk Mother heard his prayers, she did not answer. It was just as well, really. He'd end up breaking that promise anyway.

-

Read the rest of the series on Ao3!

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[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.18: “Despair”

THEN: The key to Billie's library. Billie wants to become God. Cas made a deal with The Empty. Chuck absorbed Amara. Jack absorbed Adam's rib. Dean pointed a gun at Sam (DEAN POINTED A GUN AT SAM.) Chuck is pissed. Jack is going to explode.

NOW: We begin right where we left off last week, with Jack about to explode with God-killing power. Sam half-carries him into the map table room, Cas tells him to take deep breaths and focus, and Dean gets all panicky and is no help at all. Jack wants the guys to just leave him outside in order to minimize the damage when he goes kaboom. {Sidebar... how far away would he have to be, considering that his explosive power could kill God? Discuss.} Dean yells at Sam to find one of Rowena's spells (and oh, Sam as Rowena's apprentice; there's a plot that was sadly wasted, wasn't it?) but he's interrupted by Billie and her scythe, which she's carrying in a very obvious way. She's furious, and tells them the plan to destroy Chuck was doomed "because of you." Billie can't stop Jack's earth-shattering kaboom, "but there is something I can do." She sends him to the Empty. Empty!Meg cheerfully points out that he doesn't look so hot, but then he looks explosively hot. Ah, there's our earth-shattering kaboom!

Bunker. Billie explains that The Empty was the only option to absorb the impact of Jack the Bomb. And that he's not necessarily dead, because taking out Chuck and Amara was the part that was fatal, not actually being the bomb. Hmm. So Jack's point of no return wasn't actually a point of no return after all. It's kinda retconny, but not really? I've decided it's logical and I approve.

However, if the Empty survives, "it's gonna be pissed." Particularly at Billie. And it's very strong. Billie and Sam remind us that the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned. They do not get into the details of what constitutes a summoning, but I'm sure that isn't important. And Billie might be willing to bring Jack back, assuming he survived, but not until Sam returns what he took from her. Chuck's death book.

Sam immediately goes on the attack. He points out that she was planning to betray them from the start, leading to the deaths of all the AU refugees and everyone who was brought back from death, including him and Dean. "Even if I give you the book," he says, "what's to stop you from stabbing us in the back? Killing us all?"

"Nothing," Billie says. She gets up in Sam's face and tells him Jack won't last long. Either give her the book now, or lose him forever. (Can I just point out that Sam is still a little bloody from Dean punching him in the face? After he pointed a gun at him?)

Meanwhile, in the Empty, we discover that Jack is still alive (yay) and that this episode was directed by Richard Speight (yay). He is surrounded by particles that gradually form back into Empty!Meg. And, as predicted, she's pissed.

In the bunker, Sam brings the book to Billie, but ignores her outstretched hand and slams it onto the table instead. It's a pointless little burst of defiance and I love it.

Billie flips to the end to read the new ending of God's book, "since you ruined the last one." She seems to like what she reads. Sam says "Wait, the ends of your books change? So me killing Rowena was presented as unavoidable fate but it really wasn't necessary at all?" No, he actually doesn't. But I do, on his behalf. It's a pointless little burst of defiance. Over in the Empty, Empty!Meg grabs Jack's head and says "you made it loud!" and this is a conversation I've had with my dogs in the wee dark hours of the morning more times than I can count because we just want to SLEEP, GUYS but before she can actually crush his head, Billie zaps him back to the bunker.

Billie tells the guys that Jack is hers because he's still useful. Dean responds by grabbing her scythe and swinging at her. She flings him away, but she's wounded and bleeding light. Oh, and she dropped the book. Sam and Cas ignore Dean crumpled over against the wall - Cas runs to comfort Jack, and Sam runs to pick up the book. Unfortunately, he can't open it. Dean says "hey, thanks for not helping me, guys" and Sam says "oh, I'm sorry, I guess I'm still a little rattled from you punching me in the face after you pointed a gun at me." No, he doesn't. But I do, on his behalf.

Several people have pointed out how skinny Jared looks in these last few episodes, but this is the first time I've noticed it. It will be interesting to see how he looks in the two that were filmed after their Covid shutdown.

Time jump. Dean is sitting in the library, drinking whiskey. And I've said it a million times but I'll say it again - I could watch an entire episode that was just Dean drinking. And then it gets even better when Sam walks in wearing only a v-neck t-shirt. Single layer Sam alert, guys! How long has it been? Dean slides the bottle over to him and we get a little bonus hand porn and then this happens:

Sam, I'm sorry about... everything.

Dean, you don't have to -

I pulled a gun on you. It's like I just couldn't stop. You know, we were so close to beating him. Like, I could smell Chuck's blood in the water, and I - nothing else mattered. It was everything. And I just couldn't snap out of it.

Well, you did. You've snapped me out of worse.

Hmmm. Am I missing a time when Dean snapped Sam out of something? I mean, I know in Stull, Sam was able to overcome Lucifer because of Dean. But that was Sam snapping himself out of it. And Dean convinced Sam to give up the trials, but that wasn't Sam under anything that he needed to be "snapped out of." I think if you're going to give Dean credit for snapping himself out of it when confronted by his teary eyed, bloodied little brother, you have to give Sam credit for snapping himself out of his own situations.

It doesn't matter. All that matters is these two sitting quietly in the dark, drinking whiskey together.

Dean's feeling some despair (nice) because Billie wants them dead, Jack is powerless (oh, wait, when did that happen?), and Michael isn't answering his prayers. No one is on their side. "Well, we regroup, somehow," says Sam. They drink a sad little toast to "somehow," and I die a thousand deaths.

Billie's library. Billie stalks angrily through the stacks. A reaper informs her he put up warding to keep the Empty out, and asks if the plan has changed. Yes, it has.

Elsewhere, a woman we don't know is cooking some seriously dry scrambled eggs. She thinks she knows what she's doing, because she's explaining to someone else in the room how to cook eggs so they're "not too runny, not too dry" but seriously. Gordon Ramsay would be appalled. {Sidebar: Gordon's eggs actually look a bit too runny for my taste, and my family would refuse to eat them, but this lady's dry crumbly eggs are still an abomination.} She turns around and we see AU Charlie sitting at the kitchen table. Oh, Charlie has a girlfriend! Sweet. And she must be in love, because she tells this girlfriend that they're the best eggs she's ever had. And also, she's still hunting. Guess she didn't retire to a mountaintop after all. Probably because she couldn't get wifi. Anyway. Her girlfriend's plate crashes to the floor because her girlfriend abruptly disappeared. (Aw, her name was Stevie. Stevie and Charlie. How cute is that?)

Time jump. Charlie's apartment building is called Kim Manor. Nice.

As Sam runs the EMF meter (and there's a nice wordless conversation where Sam lets Dean know he didn't find anything), Charlie talks about how they met (thanks to AU Bobby) and how she experienced nothing when Stevie disappeared. No sulphur smell, no cold, nothing. Dean and Sam have another wordless conversation about what they think happened.

Dean and Sam explain that Billie wants to send all the AU people back to their now non-existent worlds. So Stevie was from AU World too? I guess that explains how AU Bobby knew her. Coincidentally, Sam's phone rings, and it's AU Bobby. They have an extremely short conversation in which Sam learns that another AU hunter simply vanished. And there's no explanation on Sam's end, just "yeah, I understand." So have they already talked to AU Bobby about the Billie situation? Or was Sam and Bobby's conversation literally "hey, a hunter vanished into thin air, how weird is that" and "yeah, I understand" with no further discussion? Anyway. Dean says it's open season on anyone from another world (aw, sorry, Winchesters in Brazil), anyone who came back from the dead, and Sam gets a horrified look on his face and says "Eileen." Oh shit!

Meanwhile, out by the Impala, in broad daylight, Jack tells Cas that he feels strange because the plan failed and his destiny was averted. "I was ready to die, and I wanted to - for Sam, for Dean, for the world - I wanted to make things right. And now I don't know why I'm even here." OF COURSE HE LISTED SAM FIRST. Cas tells him he didn't need absolution from anyone, and that they care about him not because of his usefulness, but just because he's him. Somewhere Dean says "um, wait." Jack is scared because he's powerless and can't protect anyone. Cas is too. So, did Jack lose his powers after the earth shattering kaboom? Or earlier, and I just wasn't paying attention?

Nighttime. Dean speeds down the road as Sam texts Eileen. I don't know where Eileen is, but she must be pretty far away from Kim Manor. Sam told her to get out of her house, go somewhere public, and wait by her car. Now, I cover the guest star credits, so I don't know if Shoshanna is in this episode. But even unspoiled, I'm pretty sure she's not going to be there when they arrive. She starts to type a response, as evidenced by the bubbles, but then stops responding. Yep, just as I thought, no one is standing by her car. Sam finds her phone on the ground, cracked as if it were dropped (like, say, by someone who disappeared while holding it) and LOOK AT HER LOCKSCREEN. LOOK AT IT.

Some will say this is just the photo that pops up when Sam texts her but they are WRONG. This is her FREAKING LOCK SCREEN, PEOPLE.

Anyway. He sees the unfinished message she was writing, which says she's by her car. Aw, Sam. Dean tries to talk to him and he says "I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now."

Aw, SAM!

Sam compartmentalizes his grief and jumps into take-care-of-everyone mode. He says they need to gather everyone together, and they need to find a location central to everyone. Well, I mean, there is one place I know of that is literally the central most point in the United States, maybe you could go there? It's supposed to be secure from all things supernatural, too. Dean says that while Sam is going that, he is going to go end what he started. OH, GOOD. I WAS HOPING THEY WOULD SPLIT UP. "We couldn't make Chuck pay, but Billie? She left her blade. Her I can kill." Hey, wouldn't be the first time. Sam agrees, Cas says he'll go with Dean, and we get a brother hug. Once again, Dean does the two things I love when he hugs Sam: 1. he puts his arms on top, as if he were still the taller brother, and b. he looks away and packs up his emotions before he lets Sam see his face after the hug. "Let's go, Cas," he says. "Let's go reap a reaper." Cas turns and follows without saying anything at all to Sam or Jack, but I'm sure that won't be an issue.

Time jump - it's daytime. Sam's on the phone with Donna, who is standing outside her truck (but didn't she used to have a big black SUV?) at that bridge we've seen so many times. She's sending him to "the old Harmon property," which should be just what he's looking for because it has an abandoned silo. I mean, I wouldn't jump immediately to abandoned silo, but maybe there weren't any abandoned warehouses around. She says it's in Hastings, just south of her, and if you think I didn't confirm that the town of Hastings is in fact about 30 minutes south of Stillwater, Minnesota then you just don't know me at all.

Sam is at a gas station and oh, he's driving Eileen's car! That's not heartbreaking at all. I guess she didn't have her keys in her pocket when she disappeared. (Hah, like Sam Winchester needs keys.) Donna and AU Bobby are rounding up everyone they can think of. She asks what the plan is, and Sam bends down creepily to look at Jack in the passenger seat and says "I'm still working on that." I mean, I know they keep telling us Jack lost his powers, but the way Sam looks at him right here certainly suggests Jack is part of the plan, and maybe not in a good way. (Spoiler alert: seriously, why do I even bother.)

Sam comes around to Jack's window and tells him he needs him to drive, because Sam needs to work on archives and spells and stuff. And is that true, or is this just "I don't expect you to live through this part so I want to let you have some time behind the wheel of Eileen's 1970 Plymouth Valiant?" (At least that's what The Husband thinks it is.)

Bunker. Enter Dean and Cas. Dean declares that if Billie isn't in her library, they'll just trash the place to "smoke her out." It's an interesting choice of words.

Foreshadowing Dean as the new Death? (Remember, I'm completely unspoiled. I know nothing.)

Silo. Let's stick to this location for now. Sam and Jack pull up and are greeted by Donna. Jack goes inside to set up the warding, and Donna gives Sam a nice hug.

I want to be there.

She tells him she's sorry about Eileen and gets one of his sad little nods that I love so much. Bobby is already here, and she name-drops Garth and Jody and the girls, saying they're on "high alert." Sam tells her they're not on Billie's list, so they should be safe. And so should Donna. Well, that's good to know. Sam's surprised to see Charlie pull up. She tells him "I just don't want this to happen to anyone else." I don't know what you think you're going to be able to do, Charlie, but okay.

Turns out the silo is actually a Tardis, so I guess maybe it was a good choice. It's huge on the inside, and is also more finished than any silo I've ever been in (which is, okay, one silo, but still.) The interior is already heavily warded. Several people are milling about. {Sidebar: How many hunters were away from the bunker when Michael attacked, and why have none of them returned?} Bobby tells Sam that as soon as the hunters heard he wanted them there, they came running. "Whether you like it or not, you're the big man here." Hey, I wonder if the guy who called him Chief is here. Bobby, being a man after my own heart, is mostly concerned about the bathroom situation. Sam hopes they won't be there long enough for it to be an issue. He has a spell from Rowena (!) that should boost the strength of the wards, but that's all he has. Bobby doesn't look very reassured, and glances in a foreshadowy way at a family with kids. Sam looks around at all of these people he feels responsible for and takes a deep breath and oh, my heart.

Donna and Jack are painting more wards. Jack bends down to look at a plant, and Donna comes up to him and says "I'm no expert on this hoodoo stuff, but best we patch that up, yeah?" and I don't know what the hell she's talking about. What is this plant disturbing? Jack reaches out to touch the plant and it withers away as his hand gets close. Friends, I'm pretty sure this is a bad sign. Jack is too. He stares at his hand, and if he'd been watching a few seasons ago, he would have noticed that plants did the same thing when Amara touched them. Coincidence???

Later we see everyone watch as Sam recites the spell. (Yes, it's hot. Do you even have to ask?) The sigils glow red briefly and then fade, and the music turns ominous and I think this means his boost failed. But I guess not, because Sam says now they wait. But they don't have to wait long, because suddenly one of the children dissolves into smoke. One by one, all of the AU people dissolve like they've been snapped by Thanos. Charlie runs up to Sam and says "Sam, what do we do" just like Maggie did, and just like Maggie she's taken out immediately. Sam watches in horror as AU Bobby smokes out. He turns to Donna, who says "Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good," and then Donna is gone! Crap! Jack and Sam are left staring at the empty-except-for-them silo.

One more serving of despair, coming right up.

On to the other side.

Dean enters Billie's library, brandishing the scythe. Cas follows, bearing only a hangdog expression. Dean motions for him to go one direction and Dean goes the other, soon finding Billie. He thinks he's sneaking up behind her, but she says "So, I guess this is the part where I say hello boys. Hello, boys." Oh, I was wrong; Cas has his angel blade. Billie snarks about Dean's bad aim, and he says he wasn't trying to kill her then (which seems like a lie), but he is now, because of what she's doing to his people. Billie slams him against the wall again. She chokes Cas Darth Vader-style from a distance, and then the old fashioned way. "Remember when you stabbed me in the back?" she says. "Because I do." Oh, that's funny, because earlier Sam said she was going to stab them in the back. She should have said "like you stabbed me?"

Dean comes to the rescue by poking her with the blunt end of the scythe rather than the pointy end, so maybe she was right about his bad aim. Then he gets the blade against her throat (but still not the sharp end, just the back) and demands that she stop killing his friends. She says she didn't - it was Chuck. And Dean's wasting time.

I'm considering it time well spent, because it looks so nice.

Billie tells Dean the injury he gave her earlier is something she can't recover from - she's going to die. She pulls away her coat to show him a nasty festering wound, and I wonder why something so physical would kill her, but. Eh. She tells him she doesn't care about his friends or family. "But seeing you here has reminded me of something. There is one thing I'd like. One wish before I go. I'd like to see you dead." She grabs her scythe back, flings the boys around, and slowly stalks toward them. Dean and Cas rush through the door back into the bunker.

Dean is panicky again, trying to figure out what to do next. He's suddenly struck down by chest pain, and I expect to see someone sticking a knife (or a scythe) in his back, but it's actually Billie doing it Darth Vader-style again. Cas drags him away as Billie monologues. "It's you, Dean; it's always been you. Death-defying. Rule-breaking. You are everything I lived to set right. To put down. To tame. You are human disorder incarnate." Yeah, we know, Dean's awesome. We get this speech every season.

Cas and Dean end up in the dungeon storeroom. Cas gets Dean's knife out of his pocket and cuts his own hand to paint a sigil on the door. It looks like an angel banishing sigil, but apparently it block's Billie's power. Not permanently, though, because it fades as she pounds on the door. Cas says that since the wound is killing her, they just have to wait her out.

Yeah, and if we can't?

Then we fight.

We'll lose. I just led us into another trap. All because I couldn't hurt Chuck. Because I was angry, and because I just needed something to kill, and because that's all I know how to do.

Dean.

It was Chuck all along. We never should have left Sam and Jack. We should be there with them now.

Yes you should, Dean, you really really should. Dean is practically drowning in despair, which, you know. Is a good thing. 10/10 would recommend. "She's gonna get through that door," he tells Cas. "And she's gonna kill you, and then she's gonna kill me. I'm sorry."

"Wait, there is one thing she's afraid of," Cas says. "There's one thing strong enough to stop her." He tells Dean about the deal he made to save Jack in the Empty.

Friends, I'm going to do you a favor. If you haven't seen the episode, and aren't planning to watch the episode, I want you to read this paragraph and then skip down until you see the pretty picture of Dean. And start reading after that picture. Trust me. So, Cas summons the Empty just as Billie breaks down the door. The Empty kills Billie, but she also takes Cas. Dean is saved but Cas is gone.

{Sigh. Can I skip this part? No, I owe it to you.}

Cas explains that the Empty was going to come snatch him away as soon as he experienced a moment of true happiness. But happiness isn't having, happiness is knowing. And Dean is wonderful and "Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love." You just threatened to shoot your little brother for love, for example. Cas is teary eyed and Dean looks confused as hell and I pause the TV and turn to The Husband and we have this conversation:

I don't think I can watch this.

Why, because it's so sappy?

No, because I think they're going to kiss.

What? Why would they kiss? Is there something I'm missing?

Because part of the fandom WANTS them to kiss, and there's this group of fans that are super obnoxious about it, and they harass the actors and the writers and I think now the show thinks EVERYBODY wants them to kiss. Even though the guy who plays Dean* says it would never happen. Because I know he wasn't happy about the way the show ended, and I'm afraid this is why he wasn't happy.

...

I don't think they're gonna kiss.

If they do, I'm done.

*The Husband is not on a first name basis with Jensen.

So, let me point out that The Husband, who watches this show the way a normal human being watches a show (i.e., doesn't interact with the fandom at all), had absolutely NO expectation that they would kiss. Anyway, with some trepidation, I push play again. And Cas is still going. Dean is the most caring, selfless, loving human being on earth (OH GOD MAKE IT STOP) and knowing him has changed Cas.

Why does this sound like a goodbye?

Because it is. I love you.

Don't do this, Cas.

We see a black blob materialize behind Dean, because even though the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned, there it is. And I could argue about whether Cas being happy actually summoned the damn thing but I've already lost the will to live, so instead I'm going to describe to you how I watched in horror, with my finger hovering over the pause button, as Cas reached out to Dean and put his hand on his shoulder. But he just pushed him out of the way. Thank you baby Jesus. Billie breaks the door down as the Empty slurps into the dungeon. It surrounds Cas and Billie and sucks them into its depths. Dean is left alone. Oh, and he has a bloody palm print on his jacket from Cas grabbing his shoulder. I guess someone did watch a little bit of older seasons after all. Hard to tell sometimes.

I mean, at least he looked good, right?

Back at the silo. I've decided it must be mostly underground and isn't a grain silo like I thought. So what kind of silo do Yankees have that's mostly underground? Anyway. Jack and Sam emerge, having failed catastrophically at their mission. Sam is trying to call Dean, who isn't answering. He looks mildly panicky. "Sam?" Jack says, a little shaky. "Was it just them?"

OH CRAP. I didn't even think of that possibility.

"I don't know," Sam says, also shaky. And as we see an empty gas station and playground, it really looks like it wasn't just them at all. Sam and Jack look at each other, alone and terrified. And back in the bunker's dungeon, Dean's phone rings. It's Sam. He doesn't answer.

Despair!

So. You know how sometimes something really good will happen in an episode? And I'll say, no matter how bad this episode is, this 90 seconds makes it worth it? Well, sometimes the opposite happens. Sometimes you get a two or three minute scene - a horribly written, badly acted scene - and it's so awful that it ruins an episode. A season. A show. I'm angry that the showrunners pandered to a small, noisy minority of fans to throw something into the show that most fans didn't want and didn't help the story at all. I'm annoyed that, once again, Dean is put up on an embarrassingly overwrought pedestal. I'm kind of amused that they did this in the worst way possible. Cas's love was unrequited (unless they screw that up in the next episode), Misha's acting caused so much secondhand embarrassment that I had a hard time watching again, and from what I see on Tumblr, half of the Destihellers are furious because "Dean is a homophobe." Which is bullshit. Not returning someone's romantic affection isn't homophobia. It's consent. (I know... on this show? Ha ha.)

{Sidebar: If "Destiel" means the characters have mutual feelings for each other, doesn't this mean Destiel is not, in fact, canon? I mean, it was already so badly written that one could argue Cas wasn't proclaiming romantic love, but just a life-changing experience thanks to one human. Discuss.}

But I need to stop thinking about it. I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now.

And this wasn't even the Buckleming episode, friends. There is probably a Buckleming episode left.

I got so distracted by this nonsense that I almost forgot to talk about the Jack situation. So here's how I feel about that. I love Jack as a character. I love him as someone the Winchesters could lose (Basically, someone to stuff in the fridge? Why not.) But I don't want him to be one of them. I don't want Jack's story to be treated as if it were as important as the Winchester's story. Just like I didn't want Cas to have his own plots. I want it always, always to come down to Sam and Dean.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have more to say. But for right now, all I'm saying is this: I pledge to stick with this show, to stick with fanworks, no matter how badly they fuck up the landing. But guys, you don't have to try so hard to fuck it up.

Two to go. As always, help me stay unspoiled, including casting info and episode titles.

[o0sketchy-girl0o]

Hi hi 👋

❤️ 5'10 or 5'11 last I checked?

🧡 Lesbian!

💛 i can talk about string theory for hours on end if you don't stop me like literally watch-

💚 New England

~ My dog who may or may not be high on sharpie fumes

💙 My little closet demon brother I love him

💜 clueless, smart, funnyish, weird... ✨autistic✨

~ QUANTUM PHYSICIST 🫦😩

🖤 q-q-q-q-QUANTUM PHYSI- ok I'll stop

🎂 July 24!

🌙 um um um um uhhhhhh can i just say leo because i looked at a guide and it was confusing as sheep

💉 Ear piercings, the lobe ones!

🚗 Nerp. I'm a) not of legal age and b) a coward when it comes to being responsible of this big ahh thing on wheels on a road of other things on wheels that could decide to high five my car at any moment

✈️ huhhh I've gotta say maybe Paris? we went to London, Edinburgh and Paris for my birthday this year :D

🎤 probably, but nothing really comes to mind rn lol. exploding to go to the ashnikko concert tho 🤩

🎵 Ashnikko rn 😈✨

🎧 Veera Raja Veera by AR Rahman and a bunch of other people it SLAPS in 8d theatre audio

📺 Helluva boss? or a true crime series with my mom? I forgot lol

📝 Like a story? this book I'm working on that I reeeeeally wanna publish it's gonna be called Grey Matter and it's a psychological horror WHEEEEE

🔐 If I haven't opened my mouth yet, then that I'm autistic lmao 🤷‍♀️

🧟‍♀️ I almost got kidnapped like a bunch of times, and one time a guy who tried to kidnap me was killed by police two weeks after the incident, crazy story. It wasn't rlly scary tho. more like shocking. lmao.

🔥 Wait I could've just written the last one here 😧

🍓 uhhhrhrhrhrhmmmmm right now probably soft serve ice cream

🍅 i would cry if someone tried to feed me anything on my bad texture list

🍊 the transition from spring to summer<3333

🍋 Horror

🍐 wuhhhh uh uh uh ummm @ryemackerel's good au william afton

🫐 Norway :D

🍇 painfully oblivious

🍒 It's a very vivid memory of before I could walk (I'm thinking 4-5 months old) and I was crawling towards the prayer area and I was wearing this pink frilly shirt and holding a ladybug toy and the house smelled like sandalwood and there was this one specific prayer song playing idk my memory is weird

🍌 ✨social skills✨

💌 to post my doodles (CONTENT COMING SOON I SWEAR 😭)

✏️ definitely when my fnaf era started lmaooo

🖇️ I haven't gotten any asks yet 🥲 guys pls send me asks, strangers, friends, pornbots (wait what) please i'm lonelyyy

📚 when an idea plagues my brain and it nags me until i put it down on paper

📌 🫥 well, you see I haven't posted any stories or fics of mine-

🔍 a very babygirlified william afton (mostly crack stories)

🖊️ any character I don't think is angstworthy (very rigid standards)

💔 [war flashbacks] uh so i uh it's uh so there was this gravity falls thing and uh I deleted it thank dog but uhhh

❤️‍🔥 @skeletoninthemelonland's ballora huh what wha I didn't say anything what

🧚‍♀️ When I say william afton I would like to clarify that I am not a simp i just think he has very cool lore. anyway, william, tomura shigaraki, hunter from toh, and Ben gross from never have I ever. any questions?

🪐 toh, helluva boss, i forgor the rest 🙃

🌝 the owl house

🌚 any show that supports an immoral cause, idk, I don't watch a whole lot of those :)

🌹 I've never written that kind of stuff but I support anyone who does!

🥀 i don't plan on writing a whole bunch of that but erm consent is sexy

🌊 oh, I don't really have any of those. what i know is that there are many safe platforms online to find your people to share your creativity with, so if you guys are worried about that kinda thing, i encourage you to find your space.

❄️ I LITERALLY HAVE DEVELOPED THIS ENTIRE 3 SEASONS LONG SERIES IN MY HEAD ABOUT MY FNAF AU THAT'S ROTATING IN MY BRAIN CONSTANTLY

☂️ hmmmm there are a lot. one that I think of is this on AO3 by serpentauthor. it's funny :)

A couple of in depth questions!

🍄 well I have a few personal ones and a few less personal ones. I guess I would've liked to appreciate things more when I was younger.

⭐️ well, I published a book when I was 8. it's not that special lmao ik y'all have done better but it's the first thing i thought of for this question.

~ Depression. Guys, talking about it really helps, I promise! stay safe<3

🌺 I REALLY LIKED MY TRIP TO EUROPE FOR MY BIRTHDAY THAT WAS SO FUN

🍀 any lighthearted show I can watch with my brother cause it feels nostalgic.

bye bye! 👋

Get to Know Me!

This is just a fun little thing I’ve been wanting to do since the dawn of time but could never find a post to reblog that satisfied what I wanted. So I made this, feel free to reblog and use it yourself!

❤️ how tall are you?

🧡 what is your sexuality?

💛 what is your favorite feature on yourself?

💚 where are you from?

🩵 do you have any pets?

💙 do you have any siblings?

💜 describe yourself in five words or less!

🩷 dream job?

🖤 favorite hobbies outside of your blog

🎂 when is your birthday?

🌙 your zodiac (Sun, Moon, Rising)

💉do you have tattoos and/or piercings

🚗 can you drive?

✈️ favorite place you’ve traveled

🎤 have you been to a concert

🎵 favorite artists

🎧 last song you listened too

📺 last show you watched

📝 last thing you wrote

🔐 something no one would guess about you

🧟‍♀️ scariest thing that’s happened to you

🔥 craziest thing that’s ever happened to you

🍓 favorite food

🍅 least favorite food

🍊 favorite season?

🍋 favorite genre to read / watch / write

🍐 if you could make one character real, who would it be

🫐 some place you’d love to visit

🍇 a word your friends would use to describe you

🍒 what is your earliest memory

🍌 what is one talent you wish you had

💌 why did you start this blog?

✏️ when did you start writing fanfic

🖇️ what are your favorite asks to answer

📚 how do you come up with the fics you write

📌 what is the fic you’re know for

🔍 what character do you enjoy writing for the most

🖊️ what character do you not enjoy writing for

💔 is there a fic you wish you didn’t write

❤️‍🔥 what character do you simp for most often

🧚‍♀️ favorite characters of all time

🪐 favorite shows / series of all time

🌝 a show you would recommend to anyone

🌚 a show you’d tell people to stay away from

🌹 favorite kinks to write for

🥀 kinks you would never write for

🌊 a kink you would like to write but you think you’d be judged

❄️ full fics, imagines or head canons

☂️ your favorite fanfic from another writer

A couple of in depth questions!

🍄 what is something that’s happened in your life that you wish you could go back and change?

⭐️ what is one of your biggest accomplishments? Why is it so important to you?

🪻what is the toughest thing you had to go through, but can say you’ve successfully overcome?

🌺 what is the best gift someone has ever given you and why is it so important

🍀 what is your comfort show/series and why is it your comfort show? How has it helped you?

[g-2doc]

INCUBUS AU

I COME BEARING COLOURED ROUGH SKETCHES AND CHARACTER BACKSTORIES!!

- Based in Victorian era England -

(despite me knowing nothing about Victorians but hey ho.. if I did a Restoration au I would be ON that, but not Victorian idk anything about them... Weird how I make this unnecessarily harder for myself... I could base it in modern day if I wanted?? But no. Victorian aesthetic. Anyway, this was written at like 2am, so there's probably typos everywhere, but who cares?? I don't!)

Stuart Pot (b. 1865 AD - Victorian)

- Lives an upper class lifestyle. His father, David Pot, is a very famous inventor/engineer who started off with money from his parents anyway. His mother, Rachel Pot, does work in medical sciences/human biology on behalf of the Royal Society - though isn't recognised for her work as she's female, and was only granted access through a close friend (Frederick Cracker).

- Still lives with his parents at 23 years old (relatively normal at the time until marriage, especially after his head injury as a child calling for regular medical attention from his mother).

- Engaged to Paula Cracker (who I like and will NOT villainise no matter what you say!!!), which was arranged by his mother and her father (a highly respected fellow in the Royal Society). The engagement is a little complicated, as he has a habit of putting off the arrangements, to his mother's great annoyance. He and Paula are close friends, but neither can say that they love the other (like most engagements of their class). Paula, with his permission, sees other men in secret outside of their engagement. Whilst he similarly has her permission, he doesn't see other people, mostly due to his sometimes over-bearing parents and also his shy nature.

- His mother encourages him to go into the sciences, after his father's efforts to get him into engineering failed miserably. The connection to the Cracker's only assists with this. He sometimes talks to his mother's friends about medicine, as he has a small amount of interest in it, and they're experts anyway. Regardless, he always dreamed of being a musician, but he was told he couldn't by his mother. His family have a tradition of going to the music hall on the 23rd of every month (started on his birthday) because he likes to watch the singers. He also regularly goes to saloons by himself.

- He's mostly attracted to men, but has never been with anyone - hence his reluctancy to be legally bound to Paula straight off. As this is based in 1889, homosexual acts are a criminal offence (introduced in 1885), so obviously this is difficult for him, and causes him to be quite inhibited as a person. (Completely unrelated, but whilst researching this I found that it was illegal for a man to sleep with his deceased wife's sister, but, it was noted, not illegal to sleep with her first cousin. Mad.)

- He has blue eyes, until they turn black after he falls in love with Murdoc. They turn black as falling for an Incubus is sort of seen as a curse, so has side effects. Neither of them know this though, since Murdoc has never been loved before, and 2-D knows near to nothing about the occult anyway (he doesn't even really know what Murdoc is, but can tell he's not a virtuous creature by any means).

Murdoc (b. 666 BC - Brittonic Celt (sort of...) )

- An Incubus (which is a type of demon that feeds from sexual activity ;)) ). Like all demons, he's considered one of the many spawns of the devil. He feeds on fragments of a person's soul, and feeds once every other day - but can survive a month without feeding. Food doesn't provide sustenance and if he's fed it, his body will reject it and he'll vomit.

- Has to sleep, more than humans do (roughly 14 hours a day, usually from around 2 am to 4 pm). He usually sleeps in the morning as he's strongest from 9 pm up until 12 am after such it then starts to be considered early morning. In usual circumstances, he uses this time to find a mate and seduce them, sometimes entering their dreams to do so - sometimes this takes more than one night, but he'll never stay at it more than two nights, and will instead find a different, easier mate.

- If he plans on feeding off of a mate, he can't initiate the relation, or it doesn't qualify as the victim giving up their soul willingly. Therefore, to effectively feed, he needs to be the submissive one (Murdoc's a bottom and you can't stop me). He'll occasionally stay with a mate for a little while if it guarantees regular feeding, but can't stay indefinitely due to the side effects of his feeding often eventually resulting in a near-to-death state, and also the risks of being found/hunted. He can also get a person's soul from killing them, but because this is unwilling, it has side effects. If an Incubus/Succubus feeds this way regularly for a length of time, they'll eventually go insane, and other Incubi/Succubi will come and kill them out of instinct.

- Mates can be male or female, as Incubi (and Succubi) are bisexual. Murdoc hunts them out because he can sense lust, and Incubi/Succubi can tell the difference between certain types of lust. For example, he won't prey on someone lusting for a woman, because obviously he'd struggle a lot with that endeavour..

- (This is mostly based off stuff on Wikipedia) If someone who has done the sign of the cross within 6 hours touches him, their touch will burn him, hence this works as good Incubus and Succubus repellent. However, unlike other demons, he is unaffected by exorcisms (as it's his own body) or blessed items (as he doesn't respect the power of the church). (This isn't off Wikipedia, this is made up:) Also, he can't enter a church, and the Lord's prayer inflicts excruciating pain.

- His hands and feet are blackened up to the joints, he has glowing red eyes, pointed teeth, forked tail, and wings - which are all features of a demon. Unlike other demons, Incubi and Succubi have avian wings, not bat-like ones. Murdoc's resemble that of a raven, though there are many other variations. They also have longer tongues. His nose is broken and his front tooth on the right is chipped from being assaulted by a human man who didn't like him having relations with his wife, and was unafraid to punch a demon in the face (what a legend...)

- Doesn't really have any powers until the night window, where he can enter dreams and also perform telekinesis (though it isn't easy and takes a lot of effort, unless he's very angry, then it's a breeze). He's immortal and can't be killed by humans - can only be killed by other demons. Obviously he can fly, y'know, since he has wings... Otherwise he's just a weird looking guy who's been going about getting laid for 2.5 thousand years

- Once he falls in love (with Stuart), he gradually becomes more human. However, it isn't natural for demons to become human - so the process causes a lot of issues for him (gives him severe mood swings, makes him very irritable), and the physical changes tend to hurt a lot. First his feathers begin to fall, then his limbs fade to their normal colour and his eyes fade from red to brown (this bit isn't painful), his claws become brittle/break easily which can cause pain, his tail starts to grow shorter giving him growing pains. After this, no more changes can occur naturally, but the bones in his wings and his tail start to deteriorate severely, causing incredible amounts of pain. To relieve this, he'd have to cut them off, but as he becomes human he is able to die of blood loss/infection/go into shock so it'd be very risky, especially in a time where medicine is still underdeveloped. Furthermore, demons who become human are rejected by the devil and also looked down upon by all demons/monsters and may be killed out of spite.

.

And that's all I have so far - but I've started a fic, so I'll probably make up more as write it..

[demonmary]

ok here goes nothin also please ask me about any of these if they interest u at all <3 my faves are bolded <3

when we drive - real dirtybackroad stans know this one it was briefly posted as a first chapter but then I abandoned it and took it down while I rework it <3 it's rockstar dean is forced into hiring a chauffeur (cas). featuring way too much car information for a writer without their license. slowburn. cas has to drive dean and his various conquests around while they bang in the back seat. he's soooo oblivious to dean's flirting.

(s)he loves me au - tentatively titled lonely hearts club - dean and cas two person love triangle(ish) coworkers enemies to lovers while they're both in a secret relationship with a secret penpal <3

mechanic dean / artist cas au - they work across the street from each other idk it's probably just gonna be a oneshot I really like the beginning scene I wrote

you'll think of someone (cas pov ) - cas cannot get dean to see that he's so obviously trying to court him with handmade gifts and dean keeps being like. i am worth nothing . especially this beautiful thing you have created. mayhaps sam would like it. i am dirt.

I spend my days - college au , drunk dean flashing his ass out the window at what happens to be cas's dorm it's based on mooning from grease and nothing else

ghost cas au - I HAD posts about this on my old account. dean is hired to get a ghost to move the fuck on by a reaper with an otherwise perfect record. cas is a fully formed apparition who works in the antique shop that holds the item he's tied to and dean falls in love

uniformed - dean has a uniform kink and stole cas's car. initially cas was a sheriff but . i don't want to write about cops for the copaganda show so I might switch up the plot entirely or drop this one <3 regardless it was just gonna be a smut vehicle anyway maybe I'll drop it as a snippet or something

an untitled exploration of prayer and grace and the "cas feels longing" situation.

forcing forget - dean gets gay with cas and then immediately runs away and bangs a girl at a bar to prove he's still straight

hitman dean meets serial killer cas - they meet up over the body of the man they both want dead. it's fucked up it's dark it's cute dean meets a cat and cas adopts it . featuring dean asking siri the definition of hitman while on a stakeout

healing rituals - an exploration of dean and cas and grace and healing and gay

fanning the flame - chapter two of my waxplay-fic-with-no-waxplay that actually has the waxplay in it. it's a few months later, just established relationship smut lmao

we go together - also a previously posted dirtybackroad original lmao that has been taken down! grease au, high school. i just. don't like writing about high school students it gives me the ick I'm so sorry it's a me problem. i might completely rework it as an adult au because i like so much about it and it has dean and bobby bits and charlie is there and it has lovely relationship building stuff. i think it could be cute as adult love too but maybe i need to tackle my issues with writing completely g rated high school stuff lmao idk what my PROBLem is yes i do its trauma

undercovers chapter two - I've been thinking about coming back to this one and i had a little more written that i cut off to post it where i left it so . who knows.

dean spy au, fake dating for the bit but they fall in love. cas weird rich family ar(ms)t dealers

a poem about home that is actually basically finished and i need to edit and format and post

it's a ruff life - my destiel au that i love more than anything. actor dean, animal handler cas, miracle is the star of a movie franchise about a talking dog. claire is there and like. 11 and so cool. i really love this au but i need to work the plot out soooooooo hard so so so hard i just have vibes here

dean is in two casts and cannot shave his face and he's soooo scruffy and he hates it and cas has to help <3 gay <3

deanlee stanford era smokin weed blowin smoke rings

cas steals baby. dean goes rogue to get her back.

you'll think of someone (dean pov) - dean cannot be clear enough with his requests to ask cas out and cas keeps being like ! idk dean ! maybe a nice country girl would like to hold your hand!

barista dean and really predictable cas. dean shows his interest through nicer and nicer pastries. cas is on a schedule and does not notice these tiny gestures.

big ol armed cas - my baby i love u i love this one. it's just dean sweating over cas starting to wear different clothes around the bunker. cas borrows deans clothes. they go on a little breakfast date. cas has huge arms and dean wants to grab em and bite em

marytoni men of letters rewrite - mary joins the men of letters but consensually. no ketch because i hate him. toni and mary bang.

mark of cain cure rewrite - i'm stealing the lucifer tv show cure . it's gonna be great. featuring my biggest cas pov undertaking. a lot of world building. talk about angels and stuff in the little intro i have. then it's just. angry dean like a feral kitten hissing every time cas gets too close for something like 15 chapters

catholic school girl claire smoking weed and thinking about how she was literally an angel once that fucks a girl up doesnt it

evil marynatural. an exploration of the lucifer bloodline. what if azazel didn't wait to start getting sam his demon blood supplements and went right in from the beginning. pregnant mary demon blood addict. it's i'm its'. i'm . i'm sorry . i want more than anything to discuss this au. it's soooo dark and wonderful and horrible in my head.

anna takes the role of cupid to force mary and john into heavenlove. gay.

gay teenage mary and a genderweird girl she teaches how to shoot in the woods

annamary . poetic bullshit about falling angels and lobotomies and memory and grace and free will and choice and gay mary and angelf*ckin

i have. thirty active wips. i just put em all on a lil tracking list. thirty. active. wips.