#anyways this is just me venting I Am still having fun w it I promise lol

[starletgazing]

jan 10 , 17:35 - 18:04

some swearing , sort of a lot of venting maybe ? i don’t know what’s really considered a vent in this but i’ll put a cut for it all jic but this is super long

refusal of regression and stuff too yeaaahsg read at your own discretion or whatevs

I WANNA CLARIFY IM DOING OKAY BTW . this is just me trying to understand myself better

today wasn’t much again although i did remember how bad i am at biology TwT i am not ready at all for next week eep

i watched a little bit of black clover since someone (?? i think we’re friends) reccomended it to me . omigosh yuno is so pretty uuhghhggrhrhtbgg anyway

my sister’s birthday party is tomorrow !! i completely forgot

aaaaack i’m honestly so happy with all the requests i’m getting >w< !!!!! they’re so fun to do

,, this first part is pasted from last night because i was too eepy to finish it

i’ve been reading some past entries ,  specifically when i’m regressed  —  get ready for a whole lot of nothing

i see things super transactionally ,  even more so when little  ( i am working on it ) .  everything in my eyes is like an exchange ;  i am kind to you because you are to me ,  and the like .  if i believe i’ve not been doing well as a carer / sitter when i’m little ,  then i’ll be alone as much as possible almost as an apology and to lighten the load for others ( that whole ‘being easy’ thing in other entries ,  holding myself back and forcing myself to regress older than i want / need to so as to ease my own guilt )  —  and i suck at voicing my own needs and feelings ,  little me will be caught dead before admitting he’s lonely or sad or anything ,  because i am not an adequate carer therefor i do not deserve one for myself

i see me and myself regressed sort of as two people ,  instead of just me at a more vulnerable time  —  they are both me ,  and our behaviors and all are quite similar ,  but also horribly different .  i’m extremely quick to anger ,  while i don’t think there’s ever been a time where i haven’t cried while regressed

( okay now today stuff ) but i have such a flawed mentality on kindness and love and emotions and everything when i regress it kinda pains me . it’s so hard to not think of everything as a favor , where if i’ve been subpar in my own role then i only deserve the same if not less . so i won’t admit certain things sometimes and keep it to myself because i don’t deserve to burden others with it

my view on friendships is a little fucked — i think i’d been a bpd ‘favorite person’ , and it was so draining . i know it can’t be helped , and i really did try , i promise , but she asked me to indulge in something i was trying ( and still am ) to heal and get away from and i just couldn’t do it for much longer . i’m sorry i left , but i wanted a friend , not a client . i don’t know if i’ll be the same again

i’ve never been ‘good’ at venting or the like , because it feels like what i go through is rarely enough to do more than passingly complain about — and i listen to others and they all deserve so much better and i’m upset because my cat is getting old or something and i can’t be cradled the whole way through . fuck

i just wish i could feel and see things normally and trust people normally and i wish i could like things normally and focus and study and have my biggest worries be over if any boys like me or not rather than the fact that i’ll probably never experience any sort of teen love because no one irl sees me as an actual guy anyway

my parents accidentally called me she a couple days ago . they haven’t done that in a while

and i wish i had someone to wipe my tears and cup my cheek and all because i swear i’m trying so hard and i want to be kind to everyone but it’s so difficult sometimes

and i hate that i feel everything so deeply and i hate how i’m just so mature for my age while my cousins and sisters are all happy and friends with eachother and i’m just the moody one who sits there and watches or goes to talk with the adults . but i hate regressing and reclaiming it because why does everything have to feel so much more difficult then and why can’t i do it alone ??? it feels like i lose value whenever i get all baby and dependent

i exposed myself to a lot of shit when i was younger . i regress to escape it why does it follow me there

kudos if you read all of this for whatever reason ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<) you get a gold star and an apple fritter

[pussypilled]

willingly making a new blog in 2022 is like my nineteen year old nightmare lol

- my name is long so call me ark

- age is private bc i'm unknowable also i know better than to provide meat to the masses

- i like old movies for the ego wank

- political book reccs are always welcome, more so if they accompany a personal review bc it helps me see multiple pov

- bratz and monster high dolls are a reoccurring fixation of mine

- occasionally scenery and art + a lot of fashion bc no matter how much the industry and capitalism has corrupted fashion it is still a form of expression and art imo

- not a fan of new age spiritualism or watered down wicca. mostly bc of the obv cultural theft from people who have no idea what they're dealing with but also bc a lot of you guys are awful.

- i AM a fan of jewish folklore & practices, and irish/celtic folklore & practices, as well as brujería bc i was semi raised w it

- cozy stuff is fun: sewing, baking, cleaning, gardening cooking, diy-crafty things. but not like in a stepford trad wife way.

- comic fan, dc & marvel as well as others. superhero movies too like the mcu as well (unfortunately) but i remain loyal to sky high as the Ultimate choice.

- yes i am fanfic trash. yes i wanna insult and rant about shitty fanfics here but DON'T GO INTO THEIR BLOG OR AO3 AND TELL THE AUTHORS. this is just to vent and if i wanted the author to know i would've told them. don't be another goodreads snitch. yes i am also a fanfic author so i know how shitty it feels for people to insult you abt your writing which is why i'm not doing so directly. no you can not read any of my written fanfics. ever.

- this is a safe space for hater bitches so don't come to the mean place then get upset it's mean

- anyways looking for accounts to follow so if any of these interests or tags seem appealing to you then round em up pardner we got a rodeo to go to... or whatever tf that metaphor was supposed to be

- i do not promise following or interaction‼️ bc you might actually suck‼️ and i don't wanna force myself to keep up w you but i do swear not to like harass you or some bs ‼️‼️

(will be continuously updating w whatever info i feel like needs to be put here or taken down ig)

~ comment or like so i know to check you out ~

[zevlors-tail]

Lonely With You

Pairing: ProHero!Izuku x GN ProHero!Reader

Warnings: Self doubt, self deprecating thoughts/words, cursing, reader is very angry in the beginning and throws something if that’s a trigger for anyone (doesn’t throw it directly at anything or anything in particular), lots of crying on reader’s part, song fic, tooth rotting fluff at the end. <3

A/N: Song fic! Sports by Beach Bunny. I said I couldn’t write shit but here we are. I just one shotted this thing in the span of like 3 hours and in 3 more hours, I have to go into work with no sleep. :’) But really it’s fine bc I had motivation and I DID THE THING. I wrote something I kind of liked! I am obsessed with this song right now, so suffer with me I guess.

The second you stormed into the house and slammed the door shut behind you, Izuku could tell something was off. Sure, you had your bad days, but somehow this was different.

“Hi, love! How was your da-” Before he could even finish, you cut him off with an angry look and a short response.

“Fucking awful. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Izuku knew better than to take your short response personally, though he would be lying if he said it didn’t irk him in the slightest. However, you didn’t curse often, and using the “F” word usually meant you were at your wits end with whatever situation you were dealing with. He watched you as you strode past the kitchen with blind rage and threw down your headpiece to your hero costume. A piece of it actually busted off from how hard you had chucked it across the room, nearly missing his eye as it flew past him and making him visibly flinch. 

Upon seeing his reaction, you immediately stopped in your tracks and snapped out of your fit of anger, concern for your partner taking over you instead. “Shit-! Izu, I’m so sorry, are you alright!?” Tears welled in your eyes as you panicked and checked his face over for any collateral damage, and when you could find none, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“I’m fine, Y/N. Are...you okay? I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but you look really...upset.” He struggled to find the right words for a moment. You looked upset, sure, but it was more than that. There was a foreign look in your eyes he hadn’t seen before, something heavy and dark lurking behind your usually bright orbs. His heart couldn’t help but ache for the look you gave him.

If you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you. Tell me baby, why do you seem so blue?

You broke down in tears within seconds, cries of frustration and anguish clawing their way up from your ribcage to your throat. Today had drained you for all your worth and made you feel utterly exhausted. But if you were being honest, this had been going on much longer than just a day. It just so happened that today’s events had been the last straw for you and left you feeling defeated. Months of self doubt and anxieties were finally catching up to you, and now you were paying the price.

Izuku wrapped his arms around you tightly and held your head to his chest as you hiccuped. “Shhh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He nuzzled his face into your hair before pressing a sweet kiss to your crown, his hand sliding to your back to rub comforting circles.

“I’m no good,” you managed between sobs. “I’m a terrible hero, and I should just quit while I’m ahead. I’ll never amount to anything useful. All I do is get in the way and cause problems for others!” You continued to cry while Izuku let you vent, although it took everything he had in him not to interject that all of those things couldn’t be further from the truth.

Why are we so complicated? Maybe love is overrated...

“I’m a failure. I failed my mission and if it wasn’t for Uravity...” You let out a strangled cry as you admitted what was weighing you down so heavily. “They almost died! They almost died, and it would have been all my fault! If I had just pushed myself harder, if I had done more, then- then- then none of this would have happened!” 

“Oh, love...no.”

“I should just do everyone a favor and stop being a Pro. My manager did always say I was better as a sidekick, anyway,” you laughed bitterly at the memory, distracted only for a moment before returning to crying, albeit a little quieter. “I’m ready to give up. Everything I do is wrong... I don’t think I’m cut out for this anymore.”

I’m tired of waiting! I was never good at sports; save the games for the girls on the tennis courts.

Izuku sighed softly before cupping your face in his hands and gazing intently at you. “Y/N Y/L/N, you are not a failure. You are the light of my life and the best thing to have ever happened to me. Do you know that?”

You hesitated a minute while you sniffled and rubbed at your eyes. “Are you sure about that? Because I feel like I’m failing at everything... At being a hero, at being a friend, and at being your partner. I’ve been so stressed out lately that I’ve barely been able to pay attention to you. I’m so sorry, Izuku...” Fresh tears pooled at the corners of your eyes as your self doubt ate at you.

Say you need me, but lately you feel unsure.

“You didn’t let me finish.” 

“Ah, I’m sorry-”

“Nope! No more apologizing, especially when you didn’t do anything wrong.” A small smile found it’s way to his lips as he spoke, “I’ve watched you grow from a student in the hero course with me into the wonderful person and amazing hero you are now, and I want you to know I’m proud of who you’ve become. You’ve been nothing but nice to Uraraka, Iida, and Todoroki, and you’ve done everything you can to support me and be there for me when I need you to be. You cheered me on and pushed me to do better when I felt like giving in so many times. Without you, I wouldn’t be the hero I am today.”

“That’s really flattering, but I think All Might was mostly responsible for making you the hero you are now.”

Come on to me, come on to me...I need more!

Izuku laughed a little as you smiled at your comment, though the pain remained behind your eyes still and his gaze was just as intense as before. He quickly regained composure and continued. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit, love. I was watching the live feed from home while you were on your mission, and from one hero to another, you did all you could with the hand you were dealt in that situation. You can’t place unnecessary blame on yourself for something that’s not your fault. You weren’t a hinder to them, and you didn’t cause them any further problems. I mean, unless you were the one who set the building on fire, but that’s not likely, right?” His teasing tone was meant to lighten the situation, but it seemed to have no affect against the worry and anxiety radiating from you. “Y/N.”

“Hm?” At some point you realized you had zoned out and starting daydreaming about all the possible ways the situation could have gone wrong. Izuku’s voice pulled you back to reality and away from your twisted reverie.

“I love you. It’s okay to feel upset and angry about today, about yesterday, about last month- and especially about that comment your manager made. Which, by the way, we need a new manager for you now, but that’s not the point. I want you to know that I will always be here to support and love you like you’ve supported and loved me. Your friends love you and support you also, you know. Uraraka was just asking me about you yesterday, actually...said you looked a little blue. Oh, and Todoroki wanted me to pass on a message. Something about an angry pomeranian? Are you two making fun of Kaachan again?” He gave you a pointed look.

“Well...yes and no?” You sheepishly grinned and laughed while he just rolled his eyes.

“Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that you are worth so much more than you think. Your friends love you, I love you, and your fans also love you. You’re more than just a sidekick. You’re an amazing hero and an even better partner to me, and you are not and will never be a failure at any point in time. You did all you could to save those people, and if you hadn’t stepped in when you did, Uravity might not have been able to get to them after all. If you don’t want to be a hero anymore, then of course I’ll support you no matter what, but that’s not really what you want to do, is it?”

Deep down, you knew Izuku was right. There was no way you could step down from being a hero; you loved helping people almost as much as he did. Being a hero was just as much a part of you as your nose or your eyes or your lips. It was a second nature, something you couldn’t just give up on so easily.

“I want to help people and be a hero. I just...lately, I just don’t feel like I’m good enough.” 

You sounded so sad and dejected still, and it absolutely broke his heart. Izuku silently promised himself to do everything in his power to make you believe in yourself again before racking his brain for ideas on how to further cheer you up. When you had bad days, there were certain things he did to comfort you and help you relax, but this seemed to be a bit more serious, and thus, required a more elaborate solution than the normal hot bath and back massage. Maybe...yes, that was perfect! It probably wouldn’t fix the problem long term, but it would be a good start.

“You are good enough, and I will always be here to remind you of that.” He leaned in and gave you a soft kiss.��“Come on, let’s go relax in bed. I’ll even give you a ride there if you want.”

Your eyes immediately lit up as he turned around and crouched down so you could climb on to his back. As goofy as he was, you absolutely adored him. “Yes! You’re the best!” You squealed as he lifted you up with ease and locked his arms around the back of your legs to keep you nice and secure while he strode to the bedroom. Once there, he set you down on the bed before putting his plan into motion.

At the foot of your bed, you had a night sky projector that would cast the image of stars and planets onto your ceiling. Izuku had gotten it for you for your last birthday, and you loved it dearly. It made you feel content and relaxed when you were restless. Often times, you used it while you were in the bath or right before bed when you were having a rough night. It was perfect for occasions like this. Choosing the setting with the purple colored lights, Izuku powered it on and the two of you watched as your bedroom lit up all over. It was like you were really in space.

He made his way back to bed where you were currently snuggling into the giant comforter you both shared, a blissful smile on his face at the sight of you. You seemed to be feeling better already; you cuddled up to him as the little spoon as soon as he slid under the covers with you. He made sure to find a comfortable position for the both of you, and with the ambience set, there was only one last thing to do.

“If you feel broken, promise I won’t break your heart. If you shatter, I won’t let you fall apart. Why are we so complicated? Love’s a word I’ve always hated...”

You listened to him sing softly, the words falling from his lips effortlessly as he serenaded you with your favorite melody.

“I’m tired of waiting! I was never good at sports; save the games for the girls on the tennis court. Say you need me, but lately you feel unsure. Come on to me, come on to me, I need more...”

You closed your eyes and slowly drifted away from your worries as he sang. If every night could end like this, then maybe everything would be okay after all.

“It always feel like I need more... Jesus Christ, you’re so confusing! If we keep score, bet my money that I’m losing...”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“No, I love you more.”

You felt his laugh reverberate through his chest as he snuggled closer.

“Go to bed, Y/N.”

“Mmn...”

“If you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you... Tell me, baby, why do you seem so blue?”

[psychemeanscure]

PART 9

“Did you really expect me to let you drive by my watch? I don’t trust you, move.”

As he expected indeed. He was supposed to protest even, if he only hasn’t sense her stern look as if she’s going to bait him alive thus he had no choice but to snort and just move from the driver seat to the passenger side. “Tss. I can’t understand you really. Most woman would rather go crazy if a man offers a gentleman act. Then there is you who’s totally opposite. Are you sure you were from this earth? Don’t you think you were actually from different planet, because I do think you a--- hmp! Hey! What’s wrong with you, woman?”

His prompt halt from his rants for he has been hit by a tossed pack of wet wipes, only to be answered casually of his bulldozer. “Wipe that stain of blood on your knuckles, it creeps me out even a while ago. Tss. Do you really randomly punch someone that even mornings aren’t acceptable? Poor day.”

Her nonchalant blusters surely after closing the small compartment in front of him, putting her phone from her coat’s pocket. While he in the other hand only had to groan unpleased, urging to follow her instructions anyway. “Now what a word to say welcome. You do love tossing things on my face eh? I can’t even tell if I had to say thank you or rant with your behavior. Jeez, I can’t understand woman really.”        

Unbothered anyhow, as she starts the engine instead and clasp the steering wheel. “So? Where are we heading, then?” getting a swift coy expression from him somehow like he himself is as well excited from his own idea for he encodes the exact location on its car’s installed GPS navigation device in no time. “There you are. Feel free to process anything. I can wait though.” Truly she should, as she even has to blink twice, eyeing between the device and the man who is looking at her with an elbow leaning to its car’s door panel to be able to rub his playful smirk by his forefinger. Expectant brows, waiting for her obvious positive answer. “What? You, in?”

Finally, the snickering laugh she keep on holding vent into actions. “God! I can’t believe I am actually biting this idea of yours Jang Taeyoung.” Her unbelievable approval from herself truly that another laugh had to come into her again. “Fine. But just one thing, Jang. No shed of blood. please?”                

Contemplating from the thought but solve it in a way. “Hm?... I can’t promise though. But since you say so. Then noted, my lady.”

“Thank you.” Trusting his words definitely, as she steps on the pedal to finally start their drive ultimately.

~

“Now wha--- Oh sh--- Yah!”

Her supposed to be question the moment they arrive from the location, only to be startled totally that she almost jumps onto her seat. For she certainly not notices the Jang Taeyoung beside her casually putting a peculiar mask she never expected. Given his intention to actually lean purposely straight close to her face with his intimidating aura. Who wouldn’t be surprise indeed. Opposite to now laughing him, that a frown came into her seemingly. “Stop laughing you, cabrón.”  Just to hear his proceeding faded laugh anyway. “Sorry. My bad. Did I frighten you?”

That she had to only look him with piercing eyes. “What do you think, loco?” Garnering another laugh from him then. “Shut up.” Her stern warning finally, thus he decides to bring back his composure. “Hoo. Alright. This is hell of enough indeed.” As he tends to fix his silver crystal-like mask by the rear view mirror of the car, that later made her cringe somehow. “Do you really have to wear that one? Weird.” Her criticizing statement definitely, only to earn a smirk from him.

“You think you were the only one who has a disguise? Mind you my lady, I have mine too.”

And it was enough for her to stilled. Not because of his fancy mask, nor the content of his remark. It’s because she is seeing a different Jang Taeyoung. A different voice she never knew existed. A face that could make anyone stutter. He is that one, the one who is right now. Sensing her astonishment someway, he retaliates another remark certainly. “Surprise? Nah, my volatile. Save that for later, for we have work to be done. Though you just have to sit here and relax. Alright?”

“It’s show time.”

By the moment his watch strike with another tick, and a chew of his freshly open bubblegum. He finally went open its car’s door, winking at her for the last time. “Watch me.” His last sentence as well, closing the door, leaving the still tongue-tied her who just had to watch his every move from afar. 

That’s what she did anyway, except for the fact that she’s still in processing things from her thoughts. Just later to notice his selected men who actually came for nowhere with mask on as well different from him though. “So he planned it all along? Look this peccable man, really. Tss.”

She doesn’t want to admit, but she does enjoy the little rebellious act he gave truly. That at every stumble and fall of the kiddo’s men makes her heart boil in rejoice. The way they smoothly ruin the things inside the warehouse and as how the shuttering expression of the young Alcaziar is nothing but achievement.  

“Oh ow.” Yet, just how she thought it went smoothly as she can see less men from the enemy. For it’s actually the other way around after learning there’s still tons of them coming. Then she decided. “Guess, a little contribution might help.” She starts without a doubt definitely.

“Get in.” her firm suggestion indeed, the moment she roll down the backseat window by the driver side window switch. Turning to him who swiftly jumps inside it expertly, taking off his mask surely after another roll up of the window.  

“Faster, Sung Eunyoung.”

His straight request later after taking its glances to the rear glass. Allowing a sinister laugh to subdue. “Catch morons, catch! As if you can.”  Proceeded with another laugh again, enjoying every show he started through the presence of his chewing gum. While she in the other hand, manage to drive every alley of narrow streets she can seize. She’s loving it as well. Given police cars tried to chase them as well as the enemy’s drive. And it only increases the wonderful excitement of emotions inside her that she can’t even help but to squeal from their blasting overdrive. “Wohow! I’m loving this very much! Really~”

“Want to make the live action more pleasurable?”

He even succeeded offering his own sunnies that she gladly accepted as well. “Truly.” And with the last puff from a random engine…

“Bang yah!”

His urging eagerness and her screeching cheering surely vent into unison. Appearing clasp by each other’s hand from the menacing fun they just surpassed.  

~ 

“That was fun.”

Her flowing satisfaction from just finished fuss indeed. After a clink of each other’s canned beer while siting the nightly overview of Han River. “Loving my present?”

“Very.”

“Guess we did click as business partners after all, eh?” Her approving words after a sip of her beer somehow. “Really? I’m even close on hiring you as my drifting partner even. You do have a knack for escaping. I like it. Would you allow me though?”  

A shake from her head takes in, while he starts to sip with his own beer as well. “Shut it, Jang Taeyoung. I will never. Thanks anyway.”

“There you are with your rejection again. Tss. I’m sure you had done it before either.” He decides to sit on the trunk of the car near the rear window at that point making them a bit close since she was leaning to the backseat car door as well. Remembering a certain event somehow. “Well. Kind off. I once help Lee Chanwoo when his MCMC nightclub had been jeopardized. But the coño just complained about me bumping his car with another. Jeez.”

As she rests her left hand under her right elbow, sipping another taste of her beer. Yet, a simple nuance that made him praise her again. Savoring the once in a while moment where they were just randomly talking about things.      

“Wah… It’s been a long time since I talk with this classy, you, huh? I realize I missed it.”

An arching brow give in to her surely. “Eh? What are you talking about, I’m always classy you, lo---“

“Without insulting me. Yes, you do still classy.” Guilty indeed, but not quite as she remembers the reason why. “What is this? Am I to be blame now? It’s your fault anyway. If not, you being a troublemaker and sl---“

“Sly fox? Fine, I admit. I am that person. But hey! I only act like that with you though.”

His defense indeed, just to be responded by a rolling of her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. As if I care, mister. Care to share your first happenings with that knuckles instead?” her abrupt shift of topic somehow, after seeing his now band-aided hand, that he knew what she meant. The encounter before their prompt live action started. The one he chose not to be heard by her. “Ah… This? Nah. Not so important. No need for your concern.”

“Concern in your dreams, loco. Tss.”

Thus a nonchalant laugh came into him. He does love teasing her, really. “Oh come on, love. Don’t deny… I know you d---“

“Another word of that love of yours, Jang Taeyoung. And am I going to choke you for real.”

Threatening him finally, as she had been keeping that rant all throughout the day. But what can she expect for a sly like him either. “Ah. Is that so? Mi amor it is, then.”

“Yah. You’re not listening, are you?”

Ready to throw her empty can surely, if he still insists. “What? It was you who suggested that. It seems to be your liking. Don’t you remember?” He did exactly so. Not her disappointed by how he swiftly dodges it as soon as he gets off on the trunk, running and laughing by her gloomy face. “Come back here! You, loco!”

There she ends up chasing him without a doubt. If not for his assistant’s arrival to junk the car they had just used. They wouldn’t stop rather. “Take care of it, alright?” Tossing the key of it indeed, before turning to her who was halt from stepping into the passenger seat of another car they intended to drive. “Before I forgot.” Purposely stopping his words to leaning closer to her. “You look stunning back there.”

She sure not following what he meant by his whisper. The only thing she knew right then, was that he’s starting with his tactics on her again that she had to shake her head from the obvious. “Whatever, Jang Taeyoung.” And with his last coy smile, he finally closes the car door for her. And just how he simply got the chance to drive her home again.

“Thank you for today, Jang. I sincerely am.”

Her overwhelming gratitude that he gradually welcomes even. Little not knowing, that it could probably also the last day they’ll be in sync.

[sunatooru]

hellooo this is an emergency request pour moi pls. i really appreciate all the emergency requests you do btw, idk how you deal w all that stress AHAHA but um ig i just kinda want some comfort and highkey just validation. i tried to get my dad to stop treating me like a kid bc i’m 21 years old but it’s like whenever i tell my parents my emotions they just mock me for it and then when i say i don’t like that they tell me i’m being too sensitive and it sucks. my mum was on the phone w one of my aunties and my aunty says she still sees me as a cute little kid and i mean idk what to reply to that so i didn’t and it wasn’t bc i was upset, i just didn’t know what to reply yk. and then my mum told her that i don’t like being treated as a kid anymore clearly making fun of me like that has NO correlation to what she just said but anyways. ig i can understand it bc i was more of an adult at 19 pre covid than i am at 21 rn bc i’m unemployed and nearly done w my degree and idk what to do in the future. i can just, i’ve always felt like i don’t open up anymore and i can feel myself closing off more and more. i don’t think i’d ever open up about my feelings honestly bc they’re never validated, by parents or even my friends sometimes so yeah. LMFAOO this is just a vent at this point. i changed my mind about writing, i can’t even imagine a haikyuu character comforting me w/o me reading it and being skeptical. i’m just talking to you now, and idk if you wanna give me advice or comfort or even a similar life experience but that’s up to you babes. have a nice day/night and thanks for reading this word vomit lmfaoo

Hi lovely, I’m glad that you could get your emotions out here knowing that it’s harder to do irl. You can come here to vent whenever you want ☺️ This got kinda long but I wanted to cover everything so I added a readmore xx

I 100% understand what you mean and although it’s annoying, I know parents will always see their children as kids. I think them disregarding your wanting to be treated as an adult (which you are) is a little disheartening but I think it’s because they have probably seen you everyday. Like you won’t notice changes in a person unless you haven’t seen them for a while, so maybe that’s why they’re treating you the same as always. But them mocking you coming out and telling them how you feel is not nice. And if you try again with the same results then it’s an issue your parents need to fix. So don’t waste your energy on what you don’t have control over. Also if your friends aren’t understanding or comforting you then you should ask why. Because if you’re starting to close up then your friends should be more concerned and try to at least distract you with something fun.

And I’ve also found myself closing up more because it’s hard to explain pain sometimes but one day we’ll both be able to open up more 💕

Regarding life after your degree. I promise you, almost everyone is wary about their future. Especially with COVID making it harder for us young people to secure even a part time job. Also, it’s not necessary to know what you want to do in the future. Everyone thinks there’s a certain path to follow but really just follow your heart. And just because you don’t know now, doesn’t mean you’ll never know what to do. I think just focus on ending on a good grade and then in summer you can think about employment? Like there are many ways you could try to earn cash. If you’re good at DIY or like making stuff then you could sell them online. It’s going to be summer holidays and many parents work, if you like kids and are good with them you could check if anyone needs babysitters. Also, this might be good for when terms starts again, but tutoring is a good option. But do try looking for some summer temps or part time jobs so you have some independent income and also be out of the house more often. Don’t be demotivated if you can’t get a job!! Volunteering is always great just so you can feel like you’re doing something good and productive.

Oh and if your psychology department at your uni are recruiting participants then do it! They might compensate you (I once got £30 for 2.5hrs, which is great imo) so if there’s any experiments still running you might be able to grab some cash. Open a saving account too and check bank offers where you can get money for switching accounts!

If you change your mind and want some writing, let me know because they would never invalidate your feelings and mean every word they say to you. I hope I haven’t gone overboard but just remember it’s going to be okay and life gets better!!

Thank you and I hope you have a great day/night too 🤗❤️

[addictofsupernatural]

Spidey Senses (pt. 1)

Peter Parker x reader

Summary: You have a big secret about your life, and so might your crush.

Word Count: 2253

Chapter 2

You woke up, looking around at the apartment to yourself, and got ready for school. You made yourself some scrambled eggs; they were quick enough to make. You ate and cleaned up, not that anyone was expecting you to. You went to the bathroom, looking at yourself one last time. You frowned, but smoothened out your shirt.

Peter liked this shirt. He once told you that at lunch, when you brought him cookies made cookies for him and Ned. It was a Bowsette shirt, and this time instead of wearing it lose you tucked it in. Maybe he'd like that? Not that it was doing much for your body. You did read somewhere that having confident vibes was attractive, so maybe you just needed to act confident, and he'd notice that you wore the shirt he likes? It was stupid, but you were doing it anyways.

You locked up your apartment and walked to Peter's nicer apartment complex, where you sat down on the untagged steps outside. A few minutes later Peter came rushing out with a piece of toast in his mouth. You turned and smiled, perking up.

"Morning Peter." You chirped. No matter how bad you could feel sometimes, you couldn't help but have the best of attitudes around Peter.

"Morning." He said, voice muffled. He took a bite and ripped off a piece of toast, silently giving it to you. You took it and ate with him. "So I just got a text from Ned, and we have to pair up in biology for a project on the genetics of different forms of life."

He sounded pepped up, and so were you. You loved doing projects. It was a stress reliever from working at nights, and you got to spend some time after school with Peter. To you, projects were amazing. "So, who're you gonna pick for your partner?" You teased.

"Of course only the one person I know who can keep up with me." He nudged you, and you giggled. "I wish Liz was in that class. She's really smart."

Then there was that. Peter's crush on Liz. Though it made you feel terrible about yourself, you couldn't help but constantly compare yourself to Liz. She was so much prettier than you, smarter, actually popular. Not that you really cared about popularity, but it seemed like everyone adored her, Peter included. You didn't dislike her, you just wished you could be more like her. But if she's what makes Peter happy, then you would try to be the most supportive friend you could be.

"I bet you do." You did your best to smile. "Are we still on for joining the Mathletes?"

"I don't know. What if I get too nervous around Liz and start messing everything up? Then I'll look like an idiot."

"First of all, never call yourself an idiot. You're a genius, own it. Second, me and Ned are gonna join with you. We'll have your back Peter. We'll all have some fun, and you'll get to spend more time with her. We'll be in the back for support if you need us."

He nodded and put an arm around you, squeezing your shoulders as he side hugged you. "Thanks y/n. I can always count on you and Ned to be really awesome friends."

Though it took a blow to your feelings and self esteem, all you responded with was "Of course." as you walked into school and met up with Ned.

Sometimes, keeping things to yourself was just the better option. There were two things you kept from Peter. One, you were completely and undoubtedly in love with him. Only Ned knew about this, since he's just as close to you as Peter is. Two, the day you went to the Stark museum field trip and got bit by that spider changed your life forever.

As the day went on, so did your anxiousness. It was good this time; you didn't have work today at Delmar's Deli-Grocery, meaning it was time to suit up. Queens always needed help, and you were happy to do it. So was this other guy with similar abilities, but you never met him, so you didn't worry about it.

Mathletes went pretty much as expected. Peter was adorably awkward around Liz, but a genius none the less. You actually had some fun with Ned, goofing off as well as being able to get some work done. Peter would come back to you two every now and then to give updates. "You okay?" Ned quietly asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." You rested your chin on your hand and leaned over. "What about you? Like anybody right now?"

He gave you a goofy smile. "Nobody specific, but I'm hoping being in the Mathletes will show girls how smart I am."

You gave him a toothy grin in return. "I'm sure they will. Girls who are worth your time are suckers for nerds." Ned nodded his head eagerly in response.

Peter caught a glimpse of your conversation with Ned about girls liking nerds, and it sounded like a really tempting topic to over and listen about, but he had to focus on Liz. Giving her his main attention will show her that this is just as important to him as it is to her.

When Mathletes was over, Peter went over to you and an excited Ned, trying to ignore that nagging left out feeling he was having. "What'd I miss?"

"Y/n's gonna paint the Millennium Falcon and Death Star on my walls!" Ned said excitedly.

"Woah, really?"

You shrugged and smiled. "Yeah, it's not a big deal. I like painting, and it's not like my landlord would let me do it on my own walls. His parents are gonna take me to buy the paints and pay me for doing it too, so it's really just me getting all the benefits."

"It's gonna happen next week, so we should have a marathon over the weekend." Ned proposed.

"I love that idea!" Peter said, getting pumped up and excited in a very cute way he does. "We should do it at your house!" He said to you.

"I'm so down!" You excitedly said. "But right now I have homework to do, so let's walk home."

Ned said his goodbyes as he got picked up. You and Peter walked home together talking about Star Wars and how he would love it if you painted for him sometime. You promised him you would and said your goodbyes, watching him walk up his apartment complex steps and disappearing. You then quickly ran home to put on your super suit and head out.

Meanwhile, Peter came home to see Mr. Tony Stark in his very own living room. "Aunt May, I'm ho–"

The two heads turned to see the suddenly out of breath teen. "Oh, hey! Mr. Stark was just telling me how you got accepted." Aunt May smiled.

"W...wha–how–um, hi." He breathed out.

Tony smiled effortlessly as he got up. "I was just talking to your Aunt May over here about your acceptance for your application into the Stark internship." He winked. "Can we talk privately in your room?"

"Ye...uh, sure. Course." They both went into his room and Tony closed the door, looking around the room.

"So your aunt seems nice." Tony said nonchalantly. "Really doesn't look like an aunt."

"Um, why are you here Mr. Stark? I never filled out an–"

"She's cute." He picked up a framed picture of you and Peter, you hugging him while you both smiled. Tony instantly recognized you as the other person he was going to recruit.

"Y–uh, I guess." The question was very flustering for Peter.

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"Woah! No, we're just friends. There's actually this other girl–"

Tony set the picture down and went on to his phone. "Okay, I'm bored with this story now." He then pulled up a video of a disguised man stop a car from crashing into a bus. "This you?"

"No! I don't know who that is."

"Yeah?" He looked up and got the broom that was against the wall, pushing one of the air vents out of the way and watching Peter's suit fall while tied to a rope. "Tell anybody about your powers?"

"No! Not even Aunt May, I promise. It's been a secret since I got them."

Tony nodded. "I'll cut to the point. I need you to come with me to Berlin. There's something you can help me with. Think of it as a mission. Are you up for it?" Peter only nodded his head. "Good, we got one more stop to make."

You got home to your apartment after stopping a robbery at a fast food restaurant. You took a shower and finished your homework fairly quickly. After backing some double brownie cookies for the weekend, you started pencil drawing to pass the time. That's when you heard a knock at the door. Your hair was still a bit damp as you curiously got up and answered the door. In front of your very eyes was the infamous Tony Stark.

"Woah." Was the first thing to drop out of your mouth. You wanted to slap yourself. You quietly said, "Hello."

You stuck out your hand for a hand shake, trying to make it as firm as you could while feeling nervous around the celebrity. As he shook it, you swallowed your nervousness down and remembered that everyone has flaws and he's just a regular person.

"Hi, can I come in?" You forced a smile and nodded, stepping aside as he came in and walked around your house. In all honesty, it was kind of making you uncomfortable how much observing he was doing. He noticed the same picture Peter had was hanged up on your wall. "Is this your boyfriend?"

You nervously laughed at the thought of that fantasy. "I wish." You blurted out. He raised his eyebrows and looked at you, feeling that this was going to be fun to tease about over this mission. "But I've been friend zoned, so yeah." You quickly said. "Anyways, would you like something to eat or drink?"

"Got any sweets or something? I am kind of hungry." He didn't look at you and kept wandering around your apartment. You silently nodded and took out the container of cookies you just put in the cupboard. You made those for the Star Wars binge, but if you had to sacrifice some for Tony Stark, so be it. You opened it from the kitchen counter, and he took one while inspecting your kitchen. "Oh wow. These are good. Make them yourself?"

"Yeah actually. Thanks." He opened your finance drawer with your bills, newspaper coupons and food stamps. You quickly closed it. "Um, please don't look at that!"

He looked you in the eye for a second before nodding and looking at another picture of Peter and you, this time with you trying to cover your face from the selfie. "So, I've read your personal file."

He was so straight forward that you didn't know how to react. "Oh. Are you even allowed to do that?"

"I'm allowed to bend the rules a bit sometimes." You huffed in response. Rich people. "Emancipated at 15. That's a lot."

"Yeah, I guess. I'd like to think I've adjusted well." You put on a smile again.

He leaned against the kitchen counter. "You miss your mom?"

"Um, she needed to learn how to take care of herself before she could take care of anybody else. I'm okay with that." You rocked on your heals.

"That's very mature of you, but you didn't answer my question."

You really didn't know why you felt so open with him. Maybe it was all that internet stalking. Damn. But you weren't about to spill out your life to this man and scare him off. No matter how well you felt like you kind of knew him. "Mm, it's complicated."

"And what about your dad?"

You truthfully never really think about him. "What about him?"

"You don't want to meet him? Know anything about him?"

You let out a laugh. "The only thing I want to know about him is his address, so I could file for some child support."

Tony smirked, deciding that he liked you. "Can you even file for yourself."

You sighed. "Probably not. Sometimes the government can suck."

He nodded his head, his eyes averting to your room. Shit. "What're those?"

"Oh, um, you don't need to see that!" He walked a lot faster than you and went into your room. You silently cursed your small legs. "Wow. These are a lot of drawings. And there's a lot of Thor. Do we have a little crush on a certain God?"

"Maybe!" You blurted out, much to Tony's amusement.

There was a small desk over a bulletin board full of your drawings. You got the desk when you saw pieces of wood being thrown out of a Home Depot because of chips and scratches, and you volunteered to take it off their hands. You built it yourself, wobbly and uneven, and painted some of it with the paints Aunt May got you. It made you look like the help, but it was nothing compared to the drawings you had of the superheroes.

"So what if I do? I know a ton of people who have fake crushes on you!"

"And you're not one of them?" He raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Should I be offended?"

You smiled, genuinely smiled, and shook your head. "People have fake crushes on unrealistically perfect people. Thor, Thor is unrealistically perfect. You have a ton of flaws but are essentially a good person at heart... With all respect."

"What makes you think I'm not just perfect?" He was truthfully interested in hearing your take on this.

"Because it takes a person with anxiety to know a person with anxiety." Tony uncomfortably shifted his weight onto his other foot.

"I've seen some bad stuff too, not as bad as you, but I know that memories creep up when things get too much to handle. You have a ton of things to handle. I've seen some interviews that get to you. Some things that people say. The rude reporters. Even though a lot of people say bad things about you, your company, and even your family, you still have it in you to fight for everyone. That's amazing. You're not unrealistically perfect, but you are realistically perfect to me."

He paused for a moment, absorbing what was said. "If you're not in love with me, then why do you take the time to know so much about me?"

"Because, while I don't think of you as the fake love of my life, I see you as someone I look up to."

"Believe me kid, you should look up to someone else." He tried to joke it off.

You shrugged. "I don't have anyone else." You felt embarrassed suddenly, looking down at your desk. You then smiled again and searched through your drawings, picking up one of Tony smiling. "Just think of me as your number one fan. You can have that."

"Huh." Was all he said as he looked at it.

"What? Not used to seeing yourself smile?" You giggled. "Anyways, why are you here?"

"Oh, right." He took out his phone, showing you a video of you suited up, stopping a moving car full of robbers until the police showed up.

You sighed. "Okay, you found me. What now?"

"You're not going to try and lie for your secret identity?" Tony smiled again.

"To Ironman?" You giggled again. "No."

"Well, there's a mission in Berlin I need you and the Spiderman's assistance for."

"Is that what he calls himself?"

"Yeah. You met him?" You shook your head, and Tony knew he was going to enjoy this. "Well, you're about to. Ready Spidergirl?"

"Um, shouldn't I pack or something?"

"No need. I got you provisions and clothes for a few days. Especially considering that's probably the only kind of things you have."

You clutched your baggy shirt. "Rude, but true."

"Okay then, stay here." He then left the apartment for a bit and came back with a nice looking shirt and ripped jeans. "I don't want people thinking I found a homeless girl off the side of the street."

"You're so mean." You breathed out a laugh. "Thank you though. I'll be out in a bit." You stepped out a minute later uncomfortably. "Ready?"

"Look at you, looking like a girl." He teased.

You laughed. "Who'd have known? Let's go."

"You ready to meet the Spiderman?" Tony asked as you both stepped down from the apartment complex.

"Should I be? I don't even know who that is." He winked at you before opening the door for you. You slid in the back seat and looked at a surprised Peter dead in the eye. "Holy shit!"

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Mikan and Ibuki’s day off (Part 2)

Nn...?

...

*Ibuki wakes up, still laying in the futon, and the first thing she sees is Mikan’s smiling face.

Good morning.

Hm? You were up?

Yeah, a little earlier than usual...I was watching you while you slept.

Oh...did I...make any weird faces?

You did.

No way!?

You had this incredibly happy expression. Like you were grinning in your sleep...

Well that’s...creepy...

*Ibuki smiles and gently kisses Mikan.

Wanna hop in the bath before breakfast?

Sure.

[Breakfast Bar]

Woman: You two must have enjoyed yourselves last night.

...!?!?!?

Woman: In the karaoke box. I was in the corner of the bar and could hear you two singing. 

Eh!?

Woman: My daughter loves Pop Drop Candy, and she plays it constantly. I couldn’t help but hum along.

O-Ohh...Alright...(That was a surprise...I was wondering what the hell she was talking about?)

Welcome back...uh...

Hm? Something wrong?

No just...are you going to finish all of that soup?

What? AH!

*Ibuki looks down and realizes that while talking to the woman, she instinctively grabbed several bowls of soup. Her entire tray is taken up by nothing but soup.

Well, this is...I was sweating a lot last night, so I wanted to get some salt in me.

Hm...I understand. Well, I guess I’ll help you if there’s too much...

Oh, Ibuki, I’ve been meaning to bring something up.

Yeah? What’s up?

I don’t know if you’ve seen it yourself but...the highlights in your hair are starting to become a little...desaturated.

Huh? You mean it’s fading? Makes sense I guess...

Is it permanent dye?

Yeah, it is, but the color fades if I don’t top it up every now and then.

Well, there’s a hairstylists in the town. Do you want to go there?

I mean, sure if you don’t mind...

Hairstylist: Welcome, good ladies. What would you like today?

Um. w-well, I hair hightlights am. fading that little, then myself will appreciation that top upon pleasure?

Hairstylist: Oh, do not strain yourself, I speak Japanese.

Oh thank god...I’m so sorry, I can’t speak a word of English.

You could have just asked me to?

I don’t want you doing all the work...

Well, I guess it is pretty funny to hear you talk like a bad google translator.

You making fun of me or trying to cheer me up?

Hairstylist: Anyway, I am under the assumption that you want to re-dye your hair to make the colors stand out more?

Yeah, that’s right.

Hairstylist: It can be done. And what about you? Would you like a haircut or your hair dyed?

Huh? Me?

O-Oh no, it’s fine. I’m not confident enough to have my hair dyed.

...

Hairstylist: Very well then. Here, I shall add you to the queue. Surname?

It’s Mioda.

A-Actually, on second thought...

Hm?

Hairstylist: Yes?

*Mikan whispers something in the hairstylists ear.

Hairstylist: Very well then. Surname please?

Tsumiki.

What are you doing?

You’ll see...

...

Um...sorry to keep you waiting...

Hm?

Woah!?

...How do I look?

That’s...wow...it’s just streak but you look really different! I-It’s a good different!

Thank you. I just thought...

I-If I got a streak...it’d be easier to see that...we were together...

...God damnit I love you so much...

But...that aside...your arm and leg...

Oh, you noticed...

How could I not?

Well, I’ve been thinking...with all that’s been going on lately...how I’ve been venting and stuff...

I-I’m not quite sure I need them anymore...these scars are grim, sure, but...They’re a part of who I am...

I hope you don’t mind...

I don’t mind at all...Now, come here, I brought us lunch!

*Mikan sits down next to Ibuki and pulls out some shaved ice from behind her back. She takes a spoonful of it and feeds it to Mikan.

MMM! It’s crunchy and dewicious!

But...are you ok with this light a lunch? I don’t mind paying for something expensive if you want?

It’s fine. You have to take the chance to go to these kinds of places when you can.

But other than the shaved ice, you’ve just brought plain yakisoba...

Well, I don’t really care what we eat. There are lots of good restaurants both here and back in Japan...

But when I eat with you, looking out among the sights of this lovely kingdom...it tastes particularly delicious.

...

*Mikan suddenly takes Ibuki’s shoulder and turns her towards her, kissing her on the lips.

...!?

S-Sorry...you had something on your lips...I was getting it off.

!?!?!?

IBUKI!?

Hrngh...

I’m so sorry! I-I didn’t mean to frighten you!?

No, no, it’s fine, I’m ok now. But jeez, you can be pretty daring sometimes Mikan...

Guess that’s just one of the irresistible parts of you though...

Ehehehe...

Hey...Ibuki look...

*Mikan crouches down and picks something off the ground.

Look at this stone! It’s so cute and small.

It’s a dark purple too...Like the color of your hair...

Yeah...maybe I’ll take it home as a memento of our trip here.

These two days went by pretty quickly...It feels kinda depressing...

Not yet...

It’s not over yet until we go home...

Yeah, I guess you’re right...

...

Ibuki...can you promise me something?

What’s that?

Promise me you won’t get hurt...or die on me, ok?

Hey, hey, what’re you talking about!? You really think I’m just gonna lay down and let Yonaga and her asshole followers kill me?

No, I don’t but...that doesn’t mean I’m not still worried...

...

Hey...Mikan? Close your eyes...

Huh? Wh-Why?

Just do it...

Ok...

*Mikan closes her eyes, and feels Ibuki take her hand. Ibuki slips something onto her finger.

Ok...now look...

...!?

*Mikan sees a gorgeous bracelet around her hand.

I brought a cheap lunch because I was using my money to buy this...

It’s a little strange, and I’m not implying anything, but...I just figured you deserved it.

No...it’s fine. I always dreamed of a moment like this...where someone would give me jewelry. 

Mikan...thank you for going out with me...I know I’m a lot to handle at times but...

No, don’t apologize. 

You’re super hyperactive sometimes, sure...but I love you for it.

I love you so much...

*They share a long kiss and hug.

[just-my-sickly-pride]

Man on Fire || Roger Taylor x fem!Reader

summary || roger and brian are arguing over who, out of the two of them, is more of a man. which somehow results in roger asking you to peg him. the logic is flawed, but any old excuse, right?

rating || explicit (18+). do not read if you are under eighteen. pegging, very slight sub!rog/dom!reader dynamics if you squint

word count || 7.5k

summary || you know the drill: here’s the link to the try series if you’re not caught up yet. now that the threesome fic is done, i have about three or four of these next chapters lined up ready to go. will i ever write and post something that isn’t from this ’verse? yes. but not right now. also i’m sorry about the title, i couldn’t resist.

masterlist

     We need to talk was never a nice message to receive out of the blue, especially late at night. And when it was received from a friend that you were semi-regularly sleeping with, it was arguably worse.

    No. Definitely worse.

    what’s up? you replied to Roger, your palms already starting to sweat.

    can I come over?

    can u tell me what this is about first?

    something to do with us

    Your palms were certainly sweating now. You were unsure how to reply, and, while you hesitated, you received another message.

    me and brian were arguing about something

    Well, that wasn’t exactly news.

    do u need to talk about it? you replied. what’s it got to do with me?

    can I just come over please?

    You sighed. yeah ok

    Time to wallow in anxiety.

    Roger was at your door twenty minutes later. You could tell he’d just come straight from work at the pub.

    “It’s late, so don’t be too loud,” you said as you let him in. “Lucy’s asleep. And I should’ve been in bed half an hour ago.”

    “We both know you weren’t going to be in bed half an hour ago,” Roger said. He raked his fingers through his hair. He still needed a haircut. You wondered idly if he’d ever get around to getting one, or if he’d just let it grow until he looked like some seventies rockstar. “But this won’t take long, anyway.”

    You crossed your arms. “Well, is this a sit-down sort of conversation?” you asked, shifting from foot to foot. You hoped Roger couldn’t tell how nervous you were. There was no way to predict what he was about to say. Was he suddenly in love with you? Was he suddenly in love with someone else? Did someone die?

    “No,” Roger said. “I’m too pissed off to sit down.”

    “What did I do?” you said. You tried not to be immediately defensive, but you could hear the sharpness in your tone.

    Roger shook his head. “No, nothing. You didn’t do anything. I’m pissed at Brian.”

    “Oh.” You uncrossed your arms. “So why are you here? Just to vent?”

    “No,” Roger said. “Can you just let me explain?”

    “I’m all ears.”

    “Brian made some…” Roger’s lip curled. “…joke about how I’m not ‘manly’, or whatever.”

    You took a moment to process this. “That’s what this is about?”

    “Yeah,’ Roger said, tetchy. “He made a joke about it. Brian. The least manly guy on the planet. And then Fred and Deaks laughed at it. It’s fucking stupid. Freddie literally wears eyeliner sometimes.”

    “You can be manly and wear eyeliner,” you said.

    “You can be,” Roger said. “But Freddie isn’t. Not most of the time. He’s a feminine guy. Which is fine, obviously. But what I’m pissed about is that Brian’s waltzing around with his skinny legs and fluttering eyelashes calling me ‘not manly’.”

    You snorted a laugh. “Fluttering eyelashes?”

    “Oh, don’t laugh at me, I know you’ve seen it, that’s not a weird thing to observe about him.”

    “You’ve got skinny legs too, though, Rog,” you said.

    “These?” Roger marched over to the wall and stuck one of his legs into the air – not very far, he was hideously inflexible – and propped it against the wall. “These legs are thick. With two Cs.”

    “Get your foot off the wall,” you said, and Roger let his foot drop. “And they are not thick. They’re twigs.”

    “Brian’s are twiggier.”

    “Sure, okay,” you said with a shrug. “What’s your point?”

    “My point is, I am not unmanly. I am manly as fuck.” Roger gestured to himself, as if that was supposed to support his argument. “And Brian and I started arguing about it, and started listing everything that makes someone manly, and long story short, you need to do up me the arse.”

    You opened your mouth, then closed it again, then opened it for a second time. “I’m sorry?”

    Roger crossed his arms resolutely. “We need to go shopping and buy you a strap-on so you can fuck me. Just really go to town.”

    “How on Earth,” you said, “did you come to this conclusion?”

    “It takes the fuckin’…” Roger searched for the right word. “The fuckin’ manliest of men to get railed, and particularly if you’re a straight guy, like me, getting railed by a woman. Because I’ve heard that that isn’t easy. There’s a lot of– of preparation involved, and stuff. So. If you fuck me, then I can tell Brian that I’m manlier than him. And I know you still haven’t fucked him yet, because he would’ve brought it up when we were arguing. Am I wrong?”

    You needed a strong drink. “You’re… not wrong about me and Brian not… doing that yet, no,” you conceded. “But I am… struggling to follow.”

    “What’s there not to follow?” Roger said. “So when are you free? This weekend? We can go shopping. Brian mentioned once you two had been to a sex shop just out of town, so it’s nearby. We can get lunch or something afterwards.”

    “Brian mentioned…” You held up your hands like stop signs. “Wait, wait. Can we just hold up for a second?”

    “What?”

    You stared at Roger, slightly disbelieving. He stared at you, disbelieving your disbelief. You took a beat, and then spoke. “First of all…” You immediately aborted, shaking your head. “You know what? I’m not even going to ask you to further explain the reasoning behind this. I don’t understand, and, frankly, I don’t know if it’s worth my time trying to understand.”

    “I already explained–”

    You shushed him. “I’m still talking.” You placed your hands firmly on your hips. “So, new ‘first of all’: do I get a say in this? Did you consider that perhaps I wouldn’t be at all interested in spending money on a strap-on and fucking you?”

    Roger just stared at you, blank-faced.

    You sighed, your hands dropping. “Yeah, okay, fine, you got me there, of course I’d want to do that,” you muttered in defeat. You shook your head. “Rog, do you even actually understand the – mechanics behind all of it? Have you thought about the fact that you may not like it?”

    “It’ll be fine,” Roger said. “We’ve managed everything else we’ve done so far just fine, haven’t we? If I don’t like it, I’ll just say so. But don’t tell Brian I didn’t like it.”

    “When the hell would that come up in conversation?”

    “Oh, he’ll want to know,” Roger said seriously.

    “Then he can ask you,” you said. “I don’t want to get involved in this stupid dick measuring.”

    Roger’s eyes went wide, a lightbulb springing to life. “Good thinking,” he said. “Dick measuring.”

    “What?”

    Roger’s face fell. “Actually, no, I’m pretty sure his dick’s bigger than mine,” he muttered in thought. He cocked his head to one side. “But is my dick prettier than his?”

    He looked to you.

    “I’m not even going to try answering that,” you said, deadpanned.

    Roger waved a hand. “Whatever. We can decide for ourselves next time we have a threesome.”

    You were a little taken aback by the nonchalance of the comment, as if having threesomes was now just a casual Friday night, which it certainly wasn’t. Your first threesome (closely followed by your second, a few days later), had been a few weeks ago now. You’d been talking about getting together again soon, but it was difficult to coordinate such a thing, and, as much fun as it was, it wasn’t high on your priority list. But apparently, according to Roger, it was right around the corner. You couldn’t help but wonder what sort of conversations he and Brian had been having about it behind your back.

    You rolled your eyes, heaving a sigh. “Men.” You started shooing Roger out the door. “Yes, we’ll go shopping on the weekend. Please actually do some research into anal sex, though, okay?”

    “Yeah, yeah,” Roger said, and you knew that there was no way he’d remember to do that.

    You opened the front door, and he hovered. “So when do you wanna… do it?” he said, giving you a cheeky smile that he knew you loved.

    You scowled, trying to smother your own smile, and his smile widened. He could tell. You were terrible at hiding.

    “We’ll figure it out later,” you said. “Can you get out of my house now? I want to sleep.”

    “Can it be soon, though? I want to rub it in Brian’s face as soon as possible.”

    “Fine,” you said. “Next week, whatever. Just text me.”

    “Yes,” Roger hissed in victory. “Thank you! Don’t tell Brian!”

    “Fine, whatever, goodbye,” you said, and he finally left, strutting away.

-

    The weekend shopping trip didn’t pan out. You were asked to head into work last-minute, so instead, after work, Roger came over, and the two of you browsed for options online. You were a little wary that Roger’s eagerness seemed to stem not from actually wanting to be fucked, but wanting to be able to brag about being fucked, but you went along with it. You found a strap-on that seemed fairly basic – you’d never done this before either, so you didn’t want anything overly complicated – relatively cheap, and the reviews seemed promising.

    You and Roger split the payment. Then, while you had him there, you looked up instructional information on anal sex, and forced him to read it. Although, to be fair, you were reading to learn as well. You could see it slowly starting to dawn on Roger the fact that, yes, there would be a large object going into his asshole, and that it would take some work to get it in there. He chewed on his lip.

    You hoped he wasn’t going to back out. If he did, then he did, and that was fine, but then you’d have an entire strap-on that would be going to waste. Maybe you could just use it on Brian instead.

    Then, of course, somehow, thanks to Roger, you ended up watching guy-getting-fucked-by-girl porn, and you took note of the way Roger’s cheeks flushed and his breathing sped up, the way he watched with rapture, his pupils blown. He kept up commentary as well, pointing out things he liked the look of and things he didn’t.

    So it seemed he was genuinely interested in it, after all. Good. You were, too, and watching porn of it only made you more eager for the real thing.

    You noticed Roger having to shift himself every few seconds, adjusting his jeans, so you reached over and began palming him, feeling him harden beneath your hand. The high-heeled woman on screen called the man she was fucking a little bitch and rammed her silicon dick into him, and the man moaned. Roger hissed, “Fuck,” and batted your hand away to undo his jeans, unzipping the fly, so you could wiggle your hand into his underwear. Barely even looking at what he was doing, he pushed your dress up your thighs and returned the favour, massaging your clit.

    Jacking each other off, side by side, while watching porn, wasn’t something you thought you’d ever done before. Roger came first, and as soon as he did, he reached forward and snapped your laptop shut as you reached for a tissue from your bedside table to wipe your hand clean.

    “I’ve heard plenty of those guys,” he said, tucking himself back into his jeans and sliding the laptop out of the way across the bed. He rolled onto his stomach, settling between your thighs. He was still breathing heavily, pink-cheeked and a little sweaty from his orgasm, and he looked gorgeous. “I wanna hear you now.”

    He didn’t even bother taking your underwear off – he just pulled it aside to make room for his mouth.

-

    The strap-on arrived about five days later, and you sent Roger a snap of the box. can u put it on for me? he asked.

    So you did. It took some figuring out, and you were still fully dressed underneath it, which looked a little silly. It felt odd, to have weight at the front of your pelvis where you were used to having none. You sent Roger a snap, pulling a dumb facing and making a peace sign in the mirror, jutting your hips forward.

    not really what I was expecting ngl, he replied, and you snorted. do u like it? feels ok?

    yeah, you said. so when do u wanna meet?

    send me a photo of u wearing nothing but that and I can make time to come over rn

    You laughed. I’m free saturday night

    I got work sat night :((

    till when?

    10-3. AM.

    ew

     ikr

    come over before then, you said. come over at like 7

    u want me to come over to urs and get fucked in the ass then do a 6 hour shift at work

    was that not clear? You bit your lip, then went for the jugular, smiling to yourself as you did so. or are u not manly enough to handle that?

    fuck u, Roger replied immediately. see u at 7 on saturday. DONT TELL BRIAN.

-

    You were half-tempted to tell Brian, just for the hell of it. But you didn’t, even when you and Brian ran into each other at the library the next day, and ended up sitting next to each other, flirting with each other over text underneath the table as your books sat, untouched.

    You and Brian also sat untouched. He had a lecture to get to, and, as tempting as it was to let him fuck you in the library toilets, your ‘no fucking at uni’ rule still stood.

    So by the time seven PM Saturday rolled around, you were feeling a little pent-up. But you swallowed it down as best you could – you didn’t want to push Roger into anything he wasn’t comfortable with just because you were horny.

    When he turned up, he had a glint of excitement in his eye. You knew that glint well – Roger had been fairly vanilla before he’d started sleeping with you, and nothing was more enticing to him than the prospect of trying anything new and a bit left of field.

    “Show me, show me, show me,” he said as soon as he stepped in the door, and he followed you, a spring in his step, to your bedroom, where the strap-on lay on your bed, next to a heavy supply of lubricant.

    “Oh, man,” he said, his eyes wide. He picked it up by the dildo, and turned to you, looking almost amazed. “This is gonna go in my bum.”

    You spluttered out a laugh, and then Roger was laughing too, and both of you were struggling to breathe.

    “Way to ruin the fucking mood,” you said, wiping tears from your eyes.

    “Well, it’s true!” Roger said. A few bubbles of laughter escaped from him, and then he took a big breath and finally let the strap-on drop back onto the bed. “And I have thoroughly washed every nook, cranny, crack, and crevice of my entire body, so I hope it does go in my bum, otherwise that would have been a bloody waste of my time.”

    “Hygiene would have been a waste of your time?” you said, quirking an eyebrow.

    “This was ridiculous,” Roger said. “It was, like, pandemic-national-state-of-emergency-everyone-cleanse-yourselves level of hygiene. I haven’t been this clean since before I was born. And,” he added, swaggering over to you, far too proud for someone who’d just said the word ‘bum’ twice in about five minutes, “I’ve been practicing. So you’re welcome.”

    “Practicing?”

    Roger’s hands came to rest on your hips, and he bit his bottom lip, waggling his eyebrows at you. “Oh, yeah. With my fingers.”

    “Oh,” you said, pleasantly surprised. “How many times have you fingered yourself, then?”

    “Like, three times since last Saturday?”

    “And?”

    “It is… weird and uncomfortable.” Roger shrugged a shoulder dismissively. “But I haven’t been able to find my G-spot, so I imagine when you find it, it’ll make everything way better.”

    “Oh, so it’s up to me now, is it?” you said.

    “You’re the one fucking me,” Roger said.

    You supposed he was right. “And how many fingers have you managed?”

    Roger glanced away. “Uh, two,” he said, a little embarrassed. “It’s kinda hard when you’re doing it yourself.”

    “Wow,” you said, your voice lilting suggestively. “So hot. You’re turning me on so much.”

    “Hey, you asked,” Roger said indignantly.

    “Yes, that’s true. I’m sorry.” You leant forward and gave Roger a soft kiss. “I’ll make sure you’re nice and stretched out for me, okay?”

    Roger nodded, and grinned. “Okay.” His grin brightened. “Brian’s gonna be so jealous when he finds out.”

     You rolled your eyes. “Enough about Brian, Jesus.”

    “All right, all right.” Roger kissed you, and you both quickly fell into the familiar routine of it, the push-and-pull, give-and-take of it. You expected the gentleness of Roger’s kisses now, and it was all too easy to lose yourself in them, undressing each other with ease. You knew to tug on Roger’s hair every now and again; he knew you liked the feeling of his hand pressing on your lower back.

    You found yourself on the bed, wearing only your bra and underwear. Hands were roaming further downwards, kissing were growing longer, needier.

    You paused before things got carried away, rolling on top of Roger and straddling his waist, leaning down to kiss his neck. “How do you wanna do this?” you murmured, ghosting your lips along his skin.

    Roger sighed, languidly rolling his hips up against yours. “The stuff we read said doggy style is easiest for your first time, right?”

    You could feel his throat vibrating against your lips, and you kissed his pulse point, humming in agreement.

    He moaned softly. “But… just doing this is really good too,” he murmured.

    You smiled, and captured his lips in yours again. You ground against him, just a little bit, loving how he kissed you harder in response.

    So you kissed like that for even longer, until your mouth was swollen. You almost forgot entirely why Roger was here, just enjoying the intimacy, but then you noticed you had to piss, and when you sat up you spotted the neglected strap-on at the foot of the bed.

    “Oh, wait, hold up,” you said with a chuckle.

    “What?” Roger said, sitting up beside you. “Oh, yeah, that.”

    You both laughed, and you gave his thigh a light slap. “I’m gonna pee. I want you on all fours when I get back, all right?”

    “Bossy,” Roger muttered, and gave your butt a light pat in return when you climbed off the bed.

    When you returned, Roger wasn’t on all fours – he was inspecting the strap-on, his bottom lip jutting out slightly in concentration, a line between his brows.

    “Nervous?” you asked, and he looked up sharply, surprised at your entrance.

    “A little,” he admitted. He ran his fingers along the dildo, and gave you an anxious smile. “I hope I like it.”

    You shrugged, and fetched one of the bottles of lube. “If you don’t, it’s nothing to worry about. I think it’s great that you’re trying.” You gave him a quick kiss. “All right, hands and knees.”

    He got into position, and you ducked around him to kiss him again, stroking along his side soothingly. You drew back, and settled behind him with a determined sigh.

    “Okay,” you said.

    Roger peered around himself to look at you. “Do you know what you’re doing?”

    “I’ve never done anal, so not really, in all honesty,” you said. “But I have plenty of experience stretching out myself, so I’m gonna go with a similar method. It’s tried and true, after all.” You patted Roger’s arse, and he jumped a little, then laughed.

    “You have such a cute butt,” you remarked, giving one cheek a squeeze. “It’s all round and perky.”

    “Oh my God, stop,” Roger groaned in embarrassment.

    “I mean it!” you said with a laugh.

    “I know you do, that’s why I’m saying stop. And, for the record, I know I have a cute bum, you’re not the first person to tell me that. But I don’t need to hear it when you’re about to – y’know.”

    You grinned. “Sorry, sorry. I was trying to make you feel more comfortable.”

    “Just please get started.”

    “All right, all right.” You pressed a kiss to the base of his spine, then poured lube on your fingers. “Ready?”

    “Yes,” he huffed. “Go.”

    Fingers dripping, you circled his entrance, massaging it. You could feel his whole body seize up immediately, like you’d electrocuted him. You squeezed his hip, and just kept working him open until you could push a finger in.

    “Relax for me, Rog,” you said, rubbing his thigh soothingly. “You’re so tight.”

    “I’m trying.”

    “Stop trying,” you said. “Stop thinking about it. Hey, why don’t I just…” You reached around and ghosted your hand over his dick. He was soft, so you worked to get him interested, lightly jerking him off when he nodded his head.

    “Okay, yeah, that’s better,” he breathed, and already he was relaxing more around your finger.

    “Can you do it?” you said. “Sorry, it’s just a bit hard for me to do both.”

    Roger hummed, and leant down onto one elbow, getting his balance. His fingers brushed yours as he wrapped them around his cock, and you gave him one final squeeze before you let go.

    You could wiggle your finger around now, and you worked a second in, twisting and scissoring, dropping little words of praise and encouragement when Roger began to open up. It made your wrist and fingers ache, but you didn’t care.

    You pushed your fingers in a little deeper, and Roger twitched in discomfort.

    “How you going, you need a break?” you said.

    Roger grunted. “I’m fine.”

    “You sure?”

    “Can we just… switch positions?”

    “Sure.” You eased your fingers out of him, and he fell onto his side, rolling onto his back. He was pink and sweating.

    You patted his knee, and grabbed a pillow, and he lifted his hips so you could slide it underneath him. “We can stop whenever.”

    “I know,” he said. “I don’t want to. I want you to fuck me.”

    You shuddered. “Yeah, okay. How about I suck you off for a bit, take your mind off it?”

    “All right,” Roger said, and you settled between his legs, slipping his half-hard cock into your mouth.

    You were careful not to get him too excited, but he moaned softly, his hand twisting into your hair. “Fuck, your mouth,” he breathed.

    You got an idea. You pulled off with a wet sound, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand. “Rog, curl your legs up to your chest a bit for me.”

    Roger did. “Why?”

    “I’m gonna try like this, okay?”

    He nodded. “Yeah, go for it.”

    You poured more lube onto your fingers, and then went back to blowing him, feeling him swell in your mouth, and made sure to take him deep as you pushed two fingers back into him.

    Roger made a strangled sound, and you paused, glancing up at him, but he blurted out, “Keep going, keep going, it’s good.”

    So you did. You were able to work your fingers even deeper, and then you began searching for his prostate. You knew it was hardly the best blowjob you’d ever given – you kept getting distracted by what your hand was doing – but it seemed to keep Roger’s mind occupied enough to stretch him out.

    Then the pads of your fingers brushed over what must have been his prostate, because Roger stiffened, crying out. “Oh, Jesus, fuck,” he exclaimed. “What the f– Oh, that was my G-spot, wasn’t it?”

    You nodded, mouth still full of dick, drool dripping over your lips, and Roger chuckled at the sight. “Okay, I can see why people like this now.”

    You focused back on your task. You began sucking him off properly, swallowing around him, and he moaned appreciatively. “Fuck, sweetheart,” he said.

    Then you did a bit more prodding, and pressed against his prostate again, and he gasped. “Mm, fuck,” he groaned. “Christ, that feels so good.”

    So you did it again, just massaging the area, and Roger’s dick twitched in your mouth. “Oh, oh, God, fuck, oh,” he blurted, his voice climbing in pitch with each oh. “Ah, fuck, no, I can’t, you gotta st– ah, mm– stop stop stop.”

    You did, pulling off him with a slurp. You kept your fingers inside him, but moved them away from his prostate.

    He was panting, and he scraped his hair away from his face. “Ah, God,” he said weakly. “God, I need to come. Can you fuck me now? Is this what it feels like when I get you all worked up and you start demanding that I fuck you?”

    “I imagine so, probably,” you said. “You just really want to have something inside you?”

    “Inside me, yeah,” Roger agreed. He laughed. “Which is… an unfamiliar need.”

    “I don’t think you’re stretched out enough,” you said. “Another finger at least.”

    “All right, yeah,” Roger said. “Go ahead.”

    “You want me to keep sucking you off?”

    “Not… right now. I need time to cool down a bit.”

    You chuckled. “Okay.” You pressed a kiss to the inside of his knee, and then slid a third finger in. It went far more easily than the first two, and Roger just sighed at the intrusion, his eyes closing.

    There was still some scissoring and wriggling to do, but the only sign of discomfort that Roger signalled was the occasional shift. For the most part, he just let it happen, until you were able to fuck him with all three of your fingers.

    You found Roger’s prostate again, and he hissed. “Mm, God, fuck me,” he moaned, almost obscenely, and you stopped in surprise, laughing slightly.

    “What?” he said, looking down at you.

    “No, nothing,” you said quickly. “Just… wasn’t expecting that.”

    “What?”

    You took half a second to register that he really didn’t seem to know what you were referring to. You didn’t want to make him feel embarrassed, so you said, “Nothing. How do you feel?”

    “Good. Really good.”

    “Good.” You eased your fingers out, and Roger moaned again. “I think you’re ready.”

    Roger sat up on his elbows. “Fucking finally. Get that thing on.”

    You snorted. “All right, all right. You’re welcome.”

    “Sorry. Thank you for fingering me, I know it took forever.”

    You gave him a smile as you climbed off the bed. “That’s okay, I was happy to do it.”

    You put on the strap-on. You were just fiddling with the buckles when Roger crawled over to you, and sat back on his haunches on the edge of the bed.

    “You look really good with that on,” he said, his eyes roaming your body.

    “You think so? Doesn’t look too silly?”

    “Knowing that you’re about to fuck me? No. Not silly.”

    You grinned. “I’m glad you’re so eager.”

    Roger nodded, licking his lips, his eyes wide.

    You went to the lube, and slicked up the dildo. You had to admit, there was something really hot about watching your hand slide up and down your dick, even if the dick was fake. Just the action of jacking yourself off was enough to turn you on. You felt powerful.

    “How do you wanna do this?” you said, turning to Roger.

    “I– I wanna ride you,” Roger said, his cheeks turning redder. “Can I do that?”

    “Yeah, we can try that,” you said. You settled down on your back in the middle of the bed. “I’m ready when you are.”

    Roger took a steadying breath, and then crawled over you, straddling your hips. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this,” he muttered.

    “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” you said.

    “Oh, no, I want to,” Roger said. “I just never imagined I’d want to. Funny how life turns out.”

    He positioned himself above the strap-on, and you held it steady for him. “Easy does it, yeah?” you said, and he nodded, then started lowering himself down.

    His eyes went wide, and he stopped almost immediately. “Ah, shit,” he panted.

    You rubbed his thigh. “You’re all right, you’ve got this.”

    He nodded. “I know, it just…”

    He took a moment, and then kept going.

    By the time he was fully seated, he was trembling from the effort, his skin glistening with sweat.

    “How does it feel?” you asked gingerly, smoothing your hands up and down his thighs. It felt different to feel the weight of someone seated in your lap. Different, but definitely something you’d be happy getting used to. “You all right? Doesn’t hurt?”

    “I feel… really full,” he said weakly.

    “In a bad way?”

    “N–No. Good way.”

    You beamed. “Good!”

    Roger gave you a wobbly smile back. “I…” He laughed. “There’s just so much of it. I don’t even know what to do right now.”

    “Just start moving,” you said. “Move your hips. Just find out what feels good. Take your time, I’m in no hurry. We’ve got plenty of lube.”

    Roger nodded, and then gave his hips a gentle rock forward. He made a small sound.

    “Yeah, like that,” you said. “Just like that. You’re doing so well.”

    Roger started rocking a little more, and his eyes slid closed, his brow furrowing.

    “You can lean on me,” you said.

    Roger did, bracing himself against your shoulders. “Is this okay?” he said.

    “Perfect,” you said. You wanted to press forward to give him a kiss, but you didn’t want to jostle him too much, so you instead turned your head to press your lips to his wrist, and just kept running your hands over his thighs.

    He started moving with more purpose now, and the look on his face and the sound that fell from his open lips made your core throb.

    “F–fuck,” he whispered, and you felt his thighs clench has he lifted himself up off the dildo and back down again.

    “God, Rog,” you breathed. You moved your hands to his hips, and started gently rolling your hips up to meet his.

    “Oh,” he moaned.

    You fumbled for the lube and drizzled some onto your hand, then started lightly dragging your fist over his cock in time with his thrusts.

    Roger swore, his hips jerking forward into your hand. He sat back and started dragging himself up and down the dildo, experimenting and exploring, and then slowly picked up speed, beginning to bounce in your lap, just shallow bounces, and you pumped his cock, and he started letting out little ah, ah, ah sounds that were somehow both stupidly hot and stupidly cute at the same time. The natural rasp of his voice sounded fucking phenomenal.

    You were in awe. “Shit, you look incredible,” you said.

    Roger smiled down at you, and then he must have hit some spot inside him, because his smile disappeared from his face, replaced by what you could only describe as an O-face, and he stilled in your lap, shuddering. “Oh, fuck,” he whimpered. He leant forward again, on your shoulders, and slowly circled his hips, fucking himself slow and deep, his head hanging down between his shoulders, gasping moans dripping from his lips like honey. You slowed down your fist, swiping your thumb over the head and twisting leisurely, rolling your hips up to his nice and slowly.

    “You’re so vocal for me,” you murmured appraisingly. “Sound so perfect.”

    Roger moaned again.

    “Yeah, like that,” you said. “Feels so good to be so full, doesn’t it? Can’t help making all those pretty sounds.”

    “Yeah,” Roger ground out.

    You could see the tension in his arms, and you used your other hand to card his hair from his face. It didn’t matter, though – his hair fell right back into place.

    He went very still very suddenly. “Ah, fuck, fuck, more lube,” he grunted.

    “On it,” you said. “Wanna hop off?”

    Roger nodded, and you helped him up. He collapsed beside you on the bed, and you poured so much lube onto the strap that it dripped onto the bed.

    “Do you want to keep going?” you said, and Roger nodded.

    “Yeah.”

    “Can I try fucking you like this?” you asked, settling in between his thighs.

    Roger moaned, covering his face with his hands. “That’s so hot.”

    You playfully threw his legs open wide, and he just about squeaked, and then you drizzled some lube onto your fingers and said, “Just gonna put my fingers in you, okay? Get you nice and wet for me.”

    “That sounds gross,” Roger said with a giggle, but he let his arms fall beside him, and his legs more open still.

    You eased a finger into him, then a second, massaging his opening, and he hummed. “It feels so much nicer when I’m not so clenched up,” he said.

    “We got there in the end, didn’t we?” you said. You withdrew your fingers, and Roger sighed.

    “Okay, you ready?”

    “Yeah. You better fuck me good.”

    “You may have to help me,” you said with a slightly nervous grin. “I’ve never done this before.”

    “It’s okay,” Roger said. “I’ve never been fucked before, so we’re both in the dark here.”

    You took one of his knees, bringing it over your hip, and then braced yourself on the bed and took hold of the strap-on again, sliding the tip into Roger.

    “Slower, ah, slower,” he blurted, and you froze.

    “Sorry.”

    “It’s okay,” Roger said tightly. “Keep going. Not too slow, just a little slower.”

    So you did, and Roger didn’t stop you again. You stopped about halfway, and then, feeling a bit silly but hoping you were guessing right, pulled out a touch and thrust shallowly back in.

    Roger’s mouth fell open. “Ah, Christ.”

    “Good?”

    “Yes. Good.”

    You kept it up, going in just a little more each time until you were all the way in. Your thighs burned. You never realised how strenuous this was. You’d have to give the boys more credit.

    Roger looked almost in another dimension, like he didn’t know what to do with himself, his eyes wide and his mouth still open.

    You leant over to kiss his jaw. “You all right?”

    “Yeah,” he said. His eyes flicked to you, and his pupils were huge. “Yeah, I’m– I’m great.”

    “I’m gonna keep going, gonna do a bit more, okay? Tell me if it hurts.”

    Roger nodded.

    You leant back a little, and then started thrusting, trying to copy what you liked on yourself, hoping it translated.

    Roger let out a stuttering moan, and gripped the sheets beside him. “Oh, yes, fuck.”

    So you kept going, hitting him deep. The sounds he was making were unlike anything you’d heard from him before – moans, but loud, punching out of him, and whining sobs. His fists twisted in the sheets.

    Then you shifted, changing your angle, and he very nearly howled. “Right there, right there, please, fuck, don’t stop!”

    Thank God no one else was home.

    “Rog, touch yourself,” you said in a rush. “Come on, I wanna see you come all over yourself.”

    Roger’s hand went to his cock, and he started fisting himself in time to your thrusts. His eyelids fluttered. “Not gonna – last long,” he gasped.

    “Doesn’t matter,” you said. “God, Roger, it’s so hot how much you love this. You look fucking perfect, getting fucked like this.”

    Roger moaned, and he begged you to go faster, so you did, and his hand sped up, matching you. He squirmed.

    An idea sprung into your head, and, biting your lip to try to hide your smug smile – unsuccessfully – you said, “You gonna come on my cock, sweetheart?”

    Roger let out a sound that was half a moan and half a laugh, and managed to get out, “God, I fuckin’ am.”

    “You’re so close, aren’t you?”

    Roger nodded frantically, his face flushed.

    “How close?”

    “S-so close,” Roger whined. “Fuck, ah.”

    You had to pause to shift, and then you started fucking him again, and you must have done something right because Roger’s back was arching and he was begging you to fuck him right there, yes, so you did, and then two strokes of his hand later he came, white splattering all over his chest and stomach, and his chest was heaving as you slowed down, easing him through it, same as his hand.

    You were sweaty and exhausted and unbelievably horny, but it was worth it to see Roger’s face when he’d come. It seemed to take forever for him to come back to Earth, and you just rubbed his thigh soothingly as you waited.

    Then he looked down at you, blinking those big blue eyes, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “You with me?” you said.

    Roger nodded wordlessly, breaking out into a dazzling smile that was equal parts delighted and bewildered, and you laughed again.

    “Holy fuck,” he said. He moved a bit, and then his face screwed up. “Ah, sensitive.”

    “Sorry, it’s– I’m, um, still inside you,” you said.

    Roger shuddered. “Why does that sound so hot? It shouldn’t, but it does.”

    “I’m going to pull out,” you said. “Sorry if it’s uncomfortable.”

    You slowly pulled the strap-on out of Roger, and he didn’t say anything, but his nose was scrunched.

    You climbed off the bed and fiddled with the strap-on, unfastening all the clips and buckles, and letting it pool at your feet, while Roger reached for a tissue to wipe himself down. “I’ll clean this later,” you said, and joined Roger on the bed.

    Roger pulled you in for a kiss. “I think my mind just exploded.”

    You grinned. “Oh, really? I couldn’t tell.”

    “Shut up.” Roger kissed you again. “We need to do that again some time.”

    “We will,” you said. “I own that thing, you know. We can do this any time. Maybe next time we can have a go at me being in charge. Y’know, really in charge, like that time at my place.”

    Roger breathed out shakily. “You have no idea what the thought of that does to me,” he said, his voice rough.

    You wiggled your eyebrows, grinning salaciously, curling into him, smoothing your hand over his chest. “Maybe we can try tying your hands up, really drag it out, edging you for, like, an hour.” Roger’s breathing grew shallow, his eyes darkening. “See if I can make you come just from fucking and fingering you, not even touching your dick.”

    “Fuck,” Roger hissed, and kissed you hungrily.

    You tried to suppress your grin, but it was difficult, and you made a pleased noise against Roger’s lips, coming your fingers through his hair.

    By the time you broke apart, you were aching. “Who would’ve thought you liked being dominated and pegged, huh?” you said, tapping his cheek with the palm of your hand.

    “I’m so glad we started hooking up,” Roger said earnestly. “No other girl I’ve been with has suggested it. Who knows how long I would’ve gone without trying it? Could’ve been years.”

    You chuckled. “What a tragedy that would’ve been.”

    “You’re telling me. Dodged a fucking bullet.”

    You both laughed, and you gave him a soft kiss. “Well, now we’ve done this once, should be easier next time. We can try out whatever you like.” You paused. “Given that we have the time to stretch you out properly, and when no one else is home…”

    “I can prep myself,” Roger said. “Make life a bit easier. But why do we have to be alone?”

    You gave him a look. “Uh, did you hear yourself? You were like a porn star. Uh, yeah, fuck, right there, uh, harder, fuck me, uh.”

    Roger blushed profusely. “I did fucking not sound like that.”

    “You most certainly did,” you said. You squeezed his hip. “It was hot as hell, don’t be embarrassed about it. But unless you want Lucy or the guys to know without a doubt that you’re being fucked in the arse, I’d suggest we wait until we’re alone.”

    Roger grunted, and then yawned. “Ah, God, I could fall asleep right now.”

    “You can’t, you’ve got work,” you said. “In…” You checked the time. “An hour and a half.”

    Roger’s eyes closed, and he nodded sleepily. “I do,” he murmured. “But I’m also so tired.”

    “You’re covered in almost every substance known to man right now,” you said. “You need to shower.”

    “Yeah, yeah,” Roger said. “Can you carry me?”

    You snorted. “In your dreams. You big baby.”

    Roger smiled. “Worth a shot.”

    “Come on.” You rolled off the bed, staggering slightly as your thighs protested. “Man, I’m gonna have to do some stretches or something,” you said. “I swear a pulled a muscle.”

    Roger’s eyes cracked open. “Did you hurt yourself?”

    “No, just my thighs ache like a bitch. Doesn’t that happen to you?”

    Roger hummed, his eyes closing again. “A bit. Guess I’m not as focused on it when I’m trying to get off. You don’t really notice it as much.”

    “Hey.” You picked up the bottle of lube on the bed and threw it at him. “Don’t fall asleep.” It bounced off his ribs, and he recoiled.

    “Ow!”

    “Get up.”

    He moaned in protest.

    “You’re disgusting.” You gathered up your clothes. “I’ll see you in the morning, I guess! Have fun getting fired!”

    “No, no, I’ll shower, I’m coming,” Roger said. He took a deep breath in, and then hauled himself into sitting position, then rolled off the bed. He held out his arms, trying to hide his wincing. “Ta-da.”

    “Well done, you stood up,” you said.

    “Thank you.”

    You couldn’t help but smile as you shook your head. “Stop being cute. Go on.”

    Roger grinned, and headed towards the door. “You think I’m cute?” He tossed his hair over his shoulder. “Someone told me today they think I have a cute arse; would you agree?” He gave it a little slap.

    You raised an eyebrow. “‘Someone’, huh?”

    “Yeah, no one important.” Roger disappeared out the door before you could respond. “Come join me and my cute arse in the shower,” he called.

    “Yeah, all right,” you called back. You dumped your clothes on the floor again, and hurried after him.

    As a thank-you for this evening, he kissed you until you couldn’t breathe and fingered you in the shower until you’d come twice, completely shaking apart, having to lean against him for support, your knees weak. When you eventually climbed out of the shower – both of you now well and truly satisfied – you took one look at the mirror and said absentmindedly, “What if next time I fucked you from behind, facing a mirror?”

    Roger made a sound that was almost a word but not quite, his towel dropping from his hands.

    You turned to him, laughing, as you wrapped your towel around yourself. “What?”

    “Are you serious?”

    “Why, does that sound like something you’d be interested in?”

    Roger nodded eagerly.

    You shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, we can do that.”

    Roger surged towards you, kissing you heatedly, gasping into your mouth about how hot you were, about how you’d fucked him so well. You had to slow him down eventually – you could feel that both of you were getting too riled up, and one of you had to be the responsible one.

    But it was only when Roger realised that he was running late that he actually finished getting ready. You were sitting on the edge of your bed, and he gave you a firm kiss on your lips and a quick you’re literally perfect you’re the best friend ever. He had just ducked out of your bedroom door when you called, “Wait, Roger?”

    He popped his head back in. “What, what, what is it?”

    You opened your mouth, and then closed it again. “Nothing. Sorry.”

    “No, c’mon, what?”

    “How would you feel about, uh, me fucking you while Brian fucks me?”

    Roger groaned, lightly banging his head on your doorframe. “Jesus Christ.”

    “Sorry!” you said, holding up your hands in defence. “Sorry, bad idea, I just thought of it and I just–”

    “No, I meant, like, Jesus Christ, I am about to leave for work and you’re giving me a fucking…” He sighed. “I have to go before anything more comes out of that mouth that will wind up with me pouring beer everywhere or smashing a glass because I’ll be too distracted thinking about it. That’s not a solid yes, I don’t know if I’m all that on board for Brian seeing me – like that, but I will still be thinking it over until my brain fries in my skull, so cheers for that. I’m going now, goodbye.”

    “Bye!” you called after him. “Sorry!”

    “Fuck you!” he called back cheerily, and you heard the front door open and close again.

[sun-daisies]

2020 thoughts

its not that deep but I genuinely want to thank the aos community for being so amazing - I know im still very new to the fandom and I dont really know anyone but you’ve all been so kind and welcoming and accepting and I really appreciate that.

not to be dark and dramatic or whatever but exploring the mcu, rediscovering fanfic, and writing angsty daisy fics genuinely kept me alive over quarantine (it really do be the little things huh), and I hella appreciate everyone on ao3 for making this fandom so much fun to be in. you’re all so incredibly enthusiastic and encouraging and h o l y s h i t you’re all so talented, and I genuinely mean it when I say im so grateful for all the feedback ive received on my fics AS WELL AS all of the amazing content you’ve all created. shit this fandom is a GOLDMINE for great content and even greater people. 

I entered 2020 the happiest I'd ever been, and, like everyone else, had a really tough time seeing any sort of light in march/april/may when shit hit the fan. there was one specific night I remember lying in bed at like 4 am, writing and rewriting a text to one of my closest friends, alternating between saying goodbye and asking for help (ahem, sorry, I didn’t mean for it to get that dark). it quite literally took that friend facetiming me every night and introducing me to the mcu to get me excited to live again, even if it was just a form of escapism. sometimes thats all you need, and im so incredibly grateful to that friend for keeping me here - trust me, they got a message three times as long as this post. anyway, I fell in love with tony stark, then natasha romanoff, and then my friend said “hey, we should probably watch aos while we watch the movies,” and I became fully and unapologetically OBSESSED (fitzsimmons were ICONIC and I fucking LOVED skye she was such a little shit oh my GOD). 

(and yea maybe for that stretch of time the literal only thing that got me out of bed in the morning was the promise that if I didn’t give up on my assignments or my freelance work then id be able to consume marvel content later, but again, it’s the little things)

by season 4 of aos I was writing again (lost connection in about june on ffn, then eventually made it over to ao3) and ever since - even as life started back up again - ive been writing consistently, and it’s helped me sort through my emotions and find a community who’s just so passionate that its inspiring. seriously. im by no means a “good writer” and I never really expected anyone to actually read my stuff, I was just doing it to vent out my own angst so I could keep myself afloat. but knowing that there's people who are engaged and maybe even sometimes moved by my work? damn. that shit hit different.

(im bad with emotions and touchy feely okay-)

so uh, thank you. for keeping me here. for giving me something to look forward to. for being such an amazing community, for letting me hang out in my little corner of the party and encouraging me to join. 

on a lighter note, ill probably be spending the night finishing up the draft for control’s update on monday. if there’s interest, maybe ill post a teaser on saturday (my birthday, holy shit I thought by now id be able to be with my friends again or have consistent income again uhhhh). if you read all this, holy shit. w h y would you do that. but also aw. hi. 

I love you, pls take care of yourself in 2021. you’re important. 

see you next year (lol)

- holly <3

[writingkeepsmewhole]

Blood Moon: Negan Fic Collab (First Person) Part 6: I Scare Myself

This is part 6 to the first person Negan fic collab that @i-am-negan-trash​ came up with. It’s been a while since I posted and even longer since anyone posted on this story but I wanted to give it a go again. I had a lot of fun doing it and I hope everyone else will want to continuing it. Anyways on with the fic.

Fic Summary:Luna’s just a girl trying to survive the apocalypse when she stumbles into the backyard of a cult.

Chapter Summary: Luna reveals a bit of her backstory.

Negan x OC Luna

Warnings: Language, Violence, Death.

Tagging The Other First Person Writers:   @i-am-negan-trash​ @negansdirtygirl22​ @letsby @lupienne​ @rasax45​ I hope I tagged the right people if not let me know.

Fic Masterlist Here

Seeing me Negan smarked but his eyes held something darker in them. Something Catty wouldn’t pick up on.

“Well well well who’s your friend?” He asks the child but never looking at her.

“This is Luna she needs help getting outside the fence.”

“She dose? And you brought her to see me.”

“Yep! Your the boss right?” She asks grinning at him showing a missing tooth that I hadn't noticed before.

“That’s right. Why don’t you go ahead and run along to play. I’ll see what I can do about helping your friend.”

“Okie dokie.” She says smiling skipping her way out the door, leaving me alone with the one person I didn’t want to be alone with.

I took a step back as soon as the door closed ready to crawl my wounded ass back into the vent.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you darling.” Negan says smirking. 

Standing up he walks over to me making me tense up. Normally I would have lunged at him or ran but around this him I seemed to freeze up.

Reaching around me he slides the vent back into place.

“I gotta get this shit fixed before the little one crawls in while I’m screwing one of the wives.”

“W-wives?” I choke out faintly remember him mentioning that when he talked about shaking, I thought it was the drugs talking but clearly I heard him clearly.

“Don’t try to detracted me with bringing them up we got some fucking things to talk about.”

“Like what? Your holding me hostage I don’t have to talk to you. I say making him hardy laugh.

“I hate to break it to you sweetheart but this is my show you don’t make the rules I fucking do, so I suggest you go sit yourself down and we talk like fucking adluts or back in the cell you go.” He says leaning down making his breath fan over my face. I expected to smell the evil in him but I was greeted by the smell of mint as if he just brushed his teeth. 

That didn’t stop the fear of his threat creep up my spine. I promised myself I would get out of here but I was never ever going to be locked up again. I needed to be alone but not hid away in a room, something all the doctors never seemed to get.

Clenching my fist I move to the couch taking a quick glance of the room as I did. 

This was clearly his bedroom the very large four poster bed was proof of that. But the leather couches sitting across from each other and the wooden desk behind me told me this was his office as well.

Mixing pleasure and business was never a good idea to me but what do I know, being single your whole life will do that to you. 

“So Ramba tell me why do you want to leave so bad?” Negan asks relaxing back into the couch opposite of me.

“You know why.” I say resisting the want to glare at him. I couldn’t stop from clenching my fist through.

“You really want to go out there with that wound?” He says sounding like he is trying to talk me into staying.

“Why do you want me to stay so bad?”

“Because you know how to handle yourself. A bit...extreme but I can appreciate someone who knows how to get peoples fucking attention.” He says grinning grabbing his bat.

“This is my way of getting people’s attention.”

I can’t stop the giggle then the laugh that rips through me.

“You are seriously not about to give me some lecture about how to be normal. I hate to break it to you buddy but this world is far from normal.” 

“That might be so but that don’t give you the right to act fucking crazy.”

“But the whole world has gone mad…” I whisper under my breath it something I told myself after the first time I killed.

I woke up to screaming and the sound of moans. The dead had found my group in the abandoned hardware store. I jump up and look to my left to see my sister Nova gone. Getting on my feet I grab sling my bag on my back along with my dad’s shotgun. 

“Nova!” I scream into the crowd of people running around and screaming. 

My scream only attracting the attention of a nearby walking corpse. With outstretched arms it lips towards me. Not wanting to waste my shells I stab it with the hunting knife I normally kept on my thigh.

“Nova!” I yell again trying to weave threw the bodies dead or alive. Despite the years of doctors telling me I couldn’t control my impulses I was completely calm now. My mind only focused on finding my little sister.

“Luna help!” I heard her scream it sounding like it was coming from one of the back rooms. I break into a run rushing to get to her scared of what could happen to her alone. Running down the hallway I see my sister with the leader of our group Johnny. Five or six of the dead trying to squeeze through the exit door in front of them.

I opened my mouth to call out to sister but everything seems to happen in slow motion. I watch as Johnny grabs my little sister and pushes her towards the door as the first walker stumbles threw. It easily grabbing on to her small frame, her scream ripping threw the air followed by mine.

“No!” I scream fear and anger rushing through me.

I run forward pulling the shotgun off my back and start shooting at them they drop to the floor one by one but not fast enough for Nova to get away. 

I move to her side and drop down pulling her into my lap a huge bite taken out of her shoulder.

“Luna.” She whimpers out holding on to me.

“Hey kiddo.” I say pushing her hair back it wet with blood, her left ear no longer there.

“I’m scared.” She says tears running down her cheeks it making my heart clench.

“I know, it’s okay to be scared.” I say smiling at her.

“Will it hurt?” She whispers holding onto my hand tightly.

“Your gonna be fine sweetie.” I say aiming the shotgun at her head.

“I want to go home.”

Smiling at her I nod, leaning down I press my lips to her forehead.

“I love your kiddo.” I say tears running down my face and my throat tightening up.

“I love you too.” She sniffles out.

That the last thing I hear before I pull the trigger. 

Looking up I see that Johnny was gone the sound of the cause still going on in the other room. I lay Nova’s lifeless body down planning on coming back and burying her. I walk back out killing what dead got in my way only walking to get a shovel. When I pick it up Johnny runs into the ile I’m in trying to hide.

I hit him before I even think about it. Him falling to the ground he looks up at me shocked, until he sees that it's me shock turning to fear.

“Luna I’m sor-.” I stop him by hitting him again and again.

I do it over and over until I can’t lift my arms, his face nothing but mashed up red. No distinct features left of him. Only a pile of meat. 

Standing up I wipe the blood off my face catching the sight of his wife looking at me. Her frozen in fear but anger in her eyes.

“I have to bury Nova because of him.” I say walking past her to do just that.

I’m pulled back into Negan’s room by him smacking the table.

“Are you with me Ramba?”

“It’s Luna.” I say not a fan of his nickname for me.

“Yeah I know. Now back to what I was saying my people think your dangerous.”

I can’t help the smirk that falls on my face from hearing that my whole life.

“I might agree with that.” I say looking out the window.

“Look your not helping to convince me to keep you around let alone alive.”

“Then don’t” I say making him looked shocked.

“You want me to kill you?”

“Doesn't matter your the boss right? What you say goes.”

“What is wrong with you?”

“I’m a little messed up.” 

“Well that’s fucking clear. The end of the world really messed with you huh?”

“No, I was a basket case long before the dead started eating people.”

“Oh really do tell?” He says leaning back and laying his foot on his knee, getting comfortable. 

“You wanna be my shrink?”

“No, hell no. Let’s just say I’m curious as to what made you the badass you are today.”

“It’s not a pretty story.”

Smirking, he picks up his bat and picks out something stuck in the barb wire wrapped around it.

“You said it yourself doll the whole world has gone mad, I don’t expect anything pretty in this life or the next.”

“You call me the messed up one?”

“You think this shit storm is gonna get better one day?”

I shrug not having an answer to the question. I wasn’t hopeful type but there was always something at the back of my mind. A part of me that would creep up on them late nights with no sleep that couldn’t help but to think of the life I could have. In a cabin in the woods away from everyone, a farm maybe an animal or two. Normal but then I would come in contact with people and they would remind me what the world really was. Negan was right it was a shit storm and I was smack dead in the middle of it.

“So Ramba what’s your story?” Negan says smirking a grin that would match the devil himself but his eyes gave him away for a split second in his hazel eyes I saw a spark of something that made me trust him, well trust him enough to tell him about little old me.

[officialtrashbin]

Saudade

Trade w/ @artistanilu who wanted Ballista just as much as I did.

ProxiVus, GrimNight, and ProxiMaw. NSFW

In which Proxima tells Corvus about Butcher Squadron, and recounts a few stories about the people she used to know.

* * *

You are Proxima Midnight.

You’re in love; not for the first time, but you suspect this will be the last.

* * *

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Close your eyes. Are you thinking of someone else?”

You look down at him. Here, in the safety of Corvus’ quarters, you feel you can be honest with yourself, and the bond it forms between you is an afterthought. “Of course not, but I will not lie—the familiarity is often distracting. There was another before you.”

“You’ve never spoken of them.”

“Why would I?” you say. “It was a long time ago. Besides.” You reach down and stroke one of the sharp blades jutting from his skull. “You are such a jealous creature.”

“You wound me.”

“You’ll heal.”

He snorts. You laugh, a rare and precious thing, meant only for him.

He puts his hands on your thighs and spreads them open. “I want you to watch.”

“I am,” you say. “You have my attention. Always.”

* * *

Years ago, Ballista collapses next to you in bed, and toes off her boots. You’re sick off cheap whiskey and damn near broke because you both kind of suck at Stellar Split, but the assholes who fix the engines in C-Sector suck worse and don’t know when to quit. In nothing but your garments, the air from the vents runs over you, and Ballista mentions how it could be cooler in here.

“Hey, Midna,” Ballista says, shucking off her pants, “do you have any fears?”

“None.”

“There has to be something.”

“Nothing,” you tell her.

Ballista rolls over and kisses your neck. Sucks a blue bruise into your collarbone.

“Mm… Why? What about you?”

“I’m scared of a lot of things.” Ballista’s hands are curious, bunching up your undershirt and her lips find the soft blue skin beneath. “What happened to Infesti really—I mean, I’m just gonna cut to the chase. I don’t want to lose you.”

“That’s how it is.”

It’s all you can conjure up, hearing something like that, and so suddenly. You tilt your chin up and let Ballista leave a trail of love bites on your chest.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything you’re afraid of?”

You close your eyes so you don’t have to look at Ballista’s face.

Then,

“Like I said, Lista. I’m not afraid.”

* * *

“I hadn’t meant to say it that way. Not like that.”

Corvus is listening to you talk. He’s laid out beside you, like he’s meant to be there, looking at your face, and you think this might be what kills the spark you feel when he’s near. You might say the wrong thing.

“Did you love her?”

“It doesn’t matter now,” you say to him. “Still, I cannot help but imagine…this is what I should have felt, and this is how she felt. What does that say about me?”

“I think it says nothing.”

“But it does.”

But it isn’t your fault this has happened. It isn’t your fault, when your hands tremble and your stomach sinks to your knees and your scars burn under the promise of his claws. It’s fear and it happens. But his words are soft, and he likes you in ways Ballista didn’t—through the bloodshed, the violence, the death. He continues to look at you long after she would have looked away from what you really are.

You have a split lip from the battle earlier today that undoes itself from the strain of you biting it, and Corvus takes your cheek and licks the rivulet of blood from your chin to your mouth and kisses you in a way that will haunt you forever.

You think you aren’t afraid of him, only of what you feel for him.

And what you feel for him means facing what you did.

* * *

The girl’s name is Gamora and you hate her, but she is Thanos’. It doesn’t stop you from thinking her better off dead, somewhere else.

Still. It isn’t all bad. You know children and nobles both can be easily bribed, so you set to work—you dip thin fiberglass strings into sugar water and leave them to crystalize in a cold oxygen chamber overnight, and in the morning you scrape the pale candy into a bowl and take it with you to lunch. You don’t care for sweets, but Gamora is a child, and it only takes a few minutes of her leering at you from across the room before she approaches.

“Got enough to share?”

You almost laugh. She’s got no manners, though you learn quickly this is the closest she’ll ever come to asking you nicely for anything.

“Don’t you know the rules?” you say smugly, popping a piece into your mouth. “Everything has value, and what is valued can be traded for. Secrets are worth the most.”

So she tells you, “Maw keeps those rice cakes he likes up in a jar by the air vent. I break in sometimes and take a few. Don’t tell him I said that though.”

You say, “Good. Keep this in mind.”

You give her a piece. She looks down at it, carefully rolling it in her palm. “That’s it?”

“Fine.” You give her another. “Just this once.”

Gamora is a quick study. She learns that secrets will earn her candy, or more, if you happen to have it—cool knives, neat trinkets. She tells you mostly about Maw and his grandiose ideas of mutiny.

You listen. Intently.

* * *

One of the things you’ve never told Corvus is what happened with the Ebony Maw, so you tell him that too, since the mind leech is in the picture now. It makes no difference how Corvus might feel about the memory. He is listening, holding you against him, and you are talking.

* * *

You walk in on Maw sucking off one of the crew lackeys who unloads the old cargo from E-Sector and you know you shouldn’t interrupt, so you stand in the shadow at the end of the hall and wait for them to finish. The Human tucks himself back in and leaves. He doesn’t see you, but Maw does without having to look.

He zips up and says, “Enjoy the show?”

You scoff. “Only if you consider beating a dog with a club enjoyable.”

“He did make an awful cacophony of noise, didn’t he?” Maw sighs. “To be quite honest, I’ve given better, and I don’t feel any worse than when I started. This night is simply full of tragic stalemates, isn’t it?”

“Cut the shit. Want to drink?”

Maw raises his eyebrow. “Just us?”

“Yes.”

That’s never a good idea.

You drink with him anyway and polish off a bottle by yourself. Neither of you feels like socializing in the lounge or anywhere near the flight crews, so you go to his room and sit on the floor with your backs to the bed, and you talk.

“Had a fight with Lista.”

“Oh, I’m fully aware. She was in the shooting range with the brothers, venting about the whole situation.” Maw chuckles, and drinks. “You’re a cold-hearted woman, Proxima.”

“I know.”

“Need to let it out?”

You’re ashamed to admit that you consider it for a moment too long. It’s a bad idea. The fight with Lista was over her leaving and it’s not that serious, not right now, but you keep drinking and it seems like it could be.

So you say yes.

It’s not half-bad though. For once, he listens to your instructions, fucks you with three fingers and is even smart enough to put his thumb on your clit to make you come a few times; he only touches you where you tell him to, and almost kills the mood boasting about gods-know-what. Still, you’re having a bit of fun, even if it is Maw, and it does the trick.

In the morning, you take him up on his offer to shower together, where you go down on him to return the favors of the night. It doesn’t really mean anything, but it takes the edge off.

After you’ve dressed, nothing changes between the two of you, though you do notice he brushes his shoulder against yours sometimes, and you surprise yourself by not immediately pulling away.

Ballista comes to apologize. You two make up by the end of the day. When you reflect on it, you realize you were being selfish—always so goddamn miserable and biting and selfish. The guilt almost kills you. It bores a hole into the very goddamn center of your chest.

You don’t tell her about Maw.

* * *

“You can be selfish with me,” Corvus says, and you look at his sharp teeth. He’s missed the point. Or maybe he’s ignoring it. Either way, he kisses you and it unsurprisingly turns into sex for the third time that night. He gets on his back and lets you ride him until you’re both spent, and he touches you the way you couldn’t describe until now—as if in worship.

Afterwards, you lay curled up together. “I understand now,” you say to him. “I fear losing you, though you are quite immortal, and that should make me feel otherwise. Do you fear losing me?”

Corvus kisses the back of your hand. “Do not misunderstand. Though you are and will always be important, as you are everything, I have learned that there is more beyond mortality. When I am gone, I will wait for you in death.”

“What if I go first?”

“Will you wait for me?”

You touch his cheek. “Of course.”

“Then, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

Ballista always used to say how if something feels important, it should be remembered. So you commit this moment to memory because gods above does this feel important.

“Will you marry me, Proxima Midnight?”

* * *

Years ago, you were under threadbare covers, with your head on Ballista’s chest, counting her heartbeats. She smokes a stick and strokes your shoulder and makes you feel wanted. The threat of mutiny leaves a bad taste in your mouth most nights. It becomes difficult to be around her without wanting to escape through the window. You know it isn’t her doing, but it eats away at you regardless.

“I can’t wait to get out of here,” she tells you. “You should come with me, when this is all over. We can find work just about everywhere else in this vast and empty void.”

“Maybe.”

That’s all you can say, all you want to say.

She adds, nonchalant, as if casually peeling a vegetable by a kitchen window, (and you wonder now why you imagined that), “We could get married.”

You don’t know how that makes you feel. It should feel important.

It doesn’t.

“Yes,” you say, just to hear words spoken in the quiet. “But first, let’s just get through tomorrow…”

[misfitsluug]

just listen to my voice | kritz

aaa a aaa back at it again, i don’t know what to say so yeah akcjsmfn

/ t w o. /

▕▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▏

john.

The best way to start off summer is getting cute boys number.

My mind raced, I sighed dreamily while walking to work; music playing through my ears as I hummed along to it.

It was the next day, however today was bright and early, I took the morning shift so I could hang out with Cameron again.

Cameron.

I felt my cheeks heat up, I scolded myself for finding such interest in a guy I just met yesterday.

Either way, once I made it to the diner, I began mopping the checkered floors.

A couple of customers entered and I served them until I recognized a familiar face. "Welcome to Nanc- Smitty?"

"Heh, the one and only! I decided I'd pay ya’ a visit," Jaren explained, I smiled and followed him to a table, sitting on the other side of the table. "How've you been, Johnny?"

"Pretty good, actually. I met this guy yesterday during work and I- he's- he's really cute."

"Hm, my gay senses are tingling. What's his name?"

"Cameron, Cam for short. He's like one of those cliche bad boys but not really that bad, ya know?"

"You gonna see him again soon?-" A loud cough from same guy in the kitchen interrupted our conversation, I sighed softly and stood up. "Yeah, seeing him later today. I'll be right back, 'kay?" I spoke and he nodded, I brought the other customers their orders as I finally gave Jaren his own order, a simple strawberry milkshake and a plate of waffles.

"Aye, thanks Johnny."

"How many times have I told you to stop calling me that," I groaned, pulling out my phone to see (2) two messages. "What? You think I'm not gonna call you that? Plus, it pisses you off, therefore anything you say is irrelevant.”

"Yeah, whatever, asshole," I complained, reading the messages on my phone:

Buttface McGee : 'Hey broski, I'm going out with my friends. See ya.'

'Whatever. Have fun:)'

I replied to my sister's text and went to a different message that I was happy to see.

Cameron:)) -

'good morning honey :-)'

'Morning, ass-wipe.'

'yikes, woke up on the wrong side of the bed?'

'Nah. I'm assuming you're still in bed?'

'hey, I'm not getting outta bed till you calldjeidi'

'You okay?'

'just dropped my phone 😎' He replied, I giggled and sighed, to which Jaren noticed. "You texting him?"

"Heh, yeah. I dunno, for a guy I just met yesterday, he's being too nice," I said, putting my phone back into my pocket.

"Well, at least he's being nice. If he's ever acting like an asshole, I swear, I'll beat the shit outta him," He said while eating his waffles.

"That isn't necessary, Jaren. I'm just scared, what if we become more than just friends?"

"Then be happy about it."

"It isn't that simple," I mumbled.

"John, I swear I'm gonna punch you," Jaren threatened, sipping at his milkshake. I sighed almost hopelessly, then my phone buzzed again.

"Who is it?"

"Cameron."

"See, it's pretty simple. Why else he be texting you or give you his phone number? You fucking dummy."

"Whatever," I spat, I could see Jaren's small grin from the corner of my eye as I looked at the message.

'hey honey, whatcha' doing today?'

'I'ma hang out w/ a friend, wanna come?'

'no it's okay, i don't wanna bother'

'You won't be, he wants to meet you.'

'you sure?'

'yea, why not?'

'aight, call me l8ter then:))'

'kay uwu’

"Hey, do you mind if Cam joins us?" I asked and Jaren's smile widened.

"Fuck yeah, let him come. I'm gonna make so much fun of you," He claimed, although I didn't doubt him. I stood up and picked up the leftover plates from different tables, walking into the kitchen and cleaning before heading back to Smitty, taking his plates as well, then changing back into my non-work clothes.

I stayed around chatting with Smitty until my shift ended.

I sighed and stood up from my seat. "Hey, you ready?"

"Yep," Smitty stood up, stretching with a pained groan. "Yo, my fucking ass hurts from sitting."

"Hah, loser. I'ma call Cam, hold up," I said, Smitty nodded and I clicked his number, sending it into a call.

"Hello, my honey," He spoke, making me flustered.

"Whatever, nerd. You still down to hang out?"

"Yeah, I'll wait for you."

"Alright, I'll be outside your place soon."

"Cool, see ya," Cam hung up, I motioned Smitty to follow me to Cameron's complex. I told him about how he called me honey, how he's so fucking tall (he's 6'7), how kind he is despite the fact he wears mostly all black, how he and I went on an adventure and spray painted on an abandoned apartment wall, and how sweet Cam is until he said:

"You have a crush on him, don't you?"

"What the fuck dude, no!" I exclaimed, crossing my arms.

"Shut the hell up, I know you do."

"Do not!"

Do I?

"Psh, whatever, you oblivious fuck."

"Shut up bitch. We're here," I replied, standing in front of the fence, texting Cam that we're here, I immediately saw him walk towards the gate door and opened it. "Cam, Jaren. Jaren, Cam."

"Nice to meet you, mate," Cam shook his hand as Jaren stared at him flabbergasted (most likely because of how fucking tall he is). "Sup dude. So, where are we going? John mentioned something about an adventure?"

"Oh, it's a surprise. Wouldn't want to ruin the fun for you, just follow me."

"Something tells me he's gonna murder us," Jaren whispered to me, I glared and him with a tiny giggle. "Anyways, Cameron. Can I speak to you privately?"

"Yeah? I guess."

"Just stay back here, Johnny," Jaren winked, walking up to Cameron whilst I mentally panicked; Jaren isn't afraid of telling anybody anything.

I couldn't hear them anyway, which made me more anxious. Cam shook his head 'no' twice and Jaren nodded, walking back to me.

"What the hell did you—"

"Okay so, I asked him if he could tell us where we're going, he said no. Then I asked if he was gonna murder us, then he said no."

"Really? Why should I believe you?"

"Because we're besties," Smitty fluttered his eyes seemingly innocent.

"Fine, whatever," I rolled my eyes, looking at the back of Cameron's head.

His hair looked brownish in the afternoon light but his hair was a pretty dirty blonde, his black leather jacket wrapped around his waist with a white shirt and black ripped jeans; which didn't at all fit his personality and I wish I could tell him that. Then I slowly realized where he was taking us.

"Hey, isn't this the way to the train tracks?"

"Bingo! Except we're taking a bit of a short cut," Cameron continued. "Because I don't want the cops chasing us again, decided on going this way."

"Wait, you guys were chased by the cops?" Smitty gasped.

"Yeah, you didn't tell your little friend about that? About how amazingly awesome and hot I am?"

"No, I didn't tell him about the cops," I said prior to Jaren shouting: “And I'm not that short!". After that was said, there was an awkward silence floating in the air, the tense rose, as we approached and entered the lush forest where we ended up close to the train tracks and soon enough, the apartments appeared. "See, now we're here!" Cameron exclaimed.

"Why didn't tell me about the short cut before? This was so much faster," I asked him while Jaren examened the apartments; Cameron's face suddenly tinted a light pink. "W-Well, I didn't know the shortcut existed until one of my sources told me."

"Do you even have a source?-"

"Anyways! Let's head inside," Cameron announced, walking towards the tall buildings. I followed him before replaying what he just said in my head. "Wait, we're going inside?"

"Yeah, don't you want to go to the top?" He inquired.

"Hell yeah!" Smitty shouted.

"Fuck no!" I belted. "No way in fucking hell am I going up there. No offense to the both of you but I am no fan of heights."

"C'mon, let's have some fun! Please, John," Smitty begged but I just shook my head. "Cameron! Help me convince him!"

"Here, I got you. You'll be okay," Cameron spoke sweetly, grabbing my hand. "You won't fall or anything."

I felt my cheeks heat up, I looked down at our intertwined fingers and back towards Cam. "You better fucking promise."

"Yeah, I fucking promise," Cameron smiled.

"And you told me that you didn't have a crush on him," Smitty whispered to me, I scolded him mentally as we entered the apartment. It was extremely vacant and quiet, grey walls are torn and the smell of cement lingered in the wind. We were all completely silent, anxiety started to pool inside my chest as I squeezed Cam's hand. "Hey, you'll be okay," He mumbled to me, I nodded again. The stairs creaked with each step as we got higher until we reached a hallway where a ladder awaited at the end of the hall. Cameron let go of my hand to climb the ladder, me and Smitty climbed after him.

There we stood at the top, I looked up to see the forest and behind all those trees was town. The sounds of the trees swaying sent a cool breeze, making my hairs rise. I walked to the edge of the building, looking down only to see the ground that felt miles away from where we stood, I stepped back with a yelp. "Hey hey, calm down, honey. I'm right here," Cameron's hand on my shoulder as I turned around, he offered his hand to me again and I took it hesitantly, holding him tightly. The sky was a beautiful light blue, orange and pink while the white clouds began turning into a light purple. "This is fucking amazing.”

"Yeah, it is," Cameron answered, his voice soft and calming.

"Hey, I'm glad you came along, Cameron," Smitty mentioned.

"Yeah, no problem-"

"WHO'S UP THERE?!" A deep voice shouted, making me jump and hold Cameron's hand stronger, Smitty looked back and turned around to Cam. "Shit, the hell are we supposed to do?" The Canadian whispered.

"You guys hide behind that," Cameron pointed to a vent block as Jaren ran except for me. "John-"

"Cam, what the fuck are you doing?" I whispered anxiously, the other man's footsteps getting closer. "John, please. I can do this, I don't want you getting hurt."

"You think I want the same for you?" I whisper shouted.

"John, go back there now," Cameron grabbed my shoulders. "Please."

I hesitated but moved backward to Jaren, my anxiety pumped as I watched the policeman walk towards Cameron. "Young man, what are you doing here? These parts are closed off."

"Yeah, I know," Cameron put his hands in his pocket. "Listen, I just wanted to see the view."

"Mhm, listen, let's just head on down and back into town. Deal?" The man asked, Cameron nodded and silently followed the policeman. I let out a small breath, Smitty looked up and sighed, standing up quietly. "You okay, John?"

I couldn’t answer.

I just wish I hadn't gotten attached so quickly to him.

▕▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▏

1866 WORDS.

[relucant]

personal / things i can’t put on facebook but need to vent / dudes are so tiring

god, i’ve hit a level of exhaustion/aggravation with men i don’t know if i’ve ever before experienced.

like, dude A is the only one i’m actually angry with, which is the guy i’ve been friends with like 25 years and only just this spring randomly escalated into a pretty intense FWB thing. and i’m like (the one time we got drunk enough to talk about it) look, i’m fully aware this has the potential to get complicated, and probably will, so just, like, please let me know where you’re at, or if you wanna stop, just please don’t leave me hanging and trying to guess, because that sucks so much, and he’s like yeah, yeah, i promise, i’d never do that to you, i’ll tell you. (narrator voice: he did, in fact, do exactly that.) i have since more than once asked him yes/no answers, like while we were still hanging out all the time but suddenly not boning or touching anymore, like, are you still attracted to me, do you want to keep doing this, and he’s just like, i’m sorry, i’ll be better about communicating, which (a) isn’t an answer and (b) he wasn’t better. and like last week when i saw him for a bit when he was in town for a couple days -- and had told me he’d be in town for a while and then was casually just like oh nah i’m leaving tomorrow and was generally dismissive, and i’m like can you just tell me yes or no, do you want to just be occasional hang-out friends again and just got back “i guess we should talk” im like can we please, but also was not a yes/no (or even an “i don’t know) and also, surprise, have not. so now on top of the like normal, appropriate hurt i’d be at being told basically “yeah i don’t want you anymore” -- which would sting, but i’d be fine -- now i’m pissed at him and more so, like, embarrassed, because i still feel like i deserve that much, and have yet to get it.

dude B is a guy i’ve known for a long long time from the internets, and hung out with a few times maybe eight years ago, and we had amazing chemistry but also somehow could not get along for more than a day without getting into a fight. but we reconnected again, as we do every year or so at least, and he wants me to visit for a weekend, and like it has been a long time so maybe we can manage to not push each other’s buttons by now, but probably not. and, like, i’m broke, and trying to put every dollar i make into paying off bills and saving up to get out of here for good (or for a while, anyway). and whenever he gets at me about coming, and i’m like dude money is a thing, and he’s like whatever bitch (affectionately) just come here and let me cook for you and fuck you and snuggle you and take care of you and i’m like that’s sweet i think but also money is a fucking thing and every time he needles me about i’m like yeah i want to less and less.

and dude C is a new friend/internet guy i just met, and he’s cool and we had a lot of fun hanging out and connect pretty well, though i think he’s way more into me than me him, but doesn’t seem to understand entirely that all those fucked up sexual and emotional intimacy issues we talked about at like 3am are in fact a thing, and no, you are not an exception, and no, i am not putting off paid work to drive an hour or so to have sex that i absolutely do not know if actually want yet because fucker i barely know you.

(and tangentially dude D who is the ex i dated sixteen fucking years ago and still has it in his head that we belong together, and he calls to catch up every like year-ish, which i’m glad of, until he starts with the no no i know you so well we’re ALWAYS on the same wavelength even though sixteen years and the apologizes every 3 seconds for being annoying and then continues but that’s a different story.)

i know part of all this is on me, because i am so desperately lonely and isolated that like, especially w/r/t dude A, that i am reluctant to risk cutting off the few connections i have here, even if i know perfectly well they’re making me unhappy and feel shitty about myself.

and like i’m gone most of next month, and hopefully gone for good/a while within maybe two months after that, which all these dudes know, and i’m just spinning in circles like what does anyone actually want from me.

good times.

[lovixcore]

With Clods Like You (Amedot Fic) (Rewrite)

One-Shot

Notes: So originally this was like 800-1000 words. So it was shorter. Originally this was my favorite to write, I think just because I enjoy writing banter (I enjoy banter between them in general tho) and I enjoy writing these two, and enjoy writing comfort fics. I don’t know. I just had fun writing this one. But I like rewriting my stuff so here it is. I have 3 more fics left to rewrite, and then I’m finally finished with this fic rewriting shit for now lol.

Word Count: 1401

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15864399

Even though it was dark outside, Peridot decided that she had needed some fresh air. She would usually be in the bathroom, but it just felt so depressing and cramped. She sat on the shore of the beach. She sat on the shore of the beach, staring off into the ocean, thinking about Lapis Lazuli, the one who left her and took everything she had, because of her fear of the diamonds. Lapis had been on her mind a lot, wondering if and hoping that she would return someday. Everytime she thought about her, it stung. But she couldn't keep her mind off her. She heard something or someone shuffling through the sand, and then she turned around to see a short figure that appeared to be Amethyst.

"Hey P-Pod," Amethyst smiled at her.

"Oh! Amethyst! Hi!" Peridot said, slightly brightening up. For some reason, it always brightened her mood, even just a little bit, everytime she saw Amethyst. There was just something about Amethyst that never failed to make her happy.

Amethyst sat down next to her, "So.. how ar'ya feeling? Ar'ya doing okay?"

"Well.. I was just thinking.."

“About what?”

“Lapis.”

"Oh.. Yeah.. you still miss her, don't you?" Amethyst asked with a hurt-sounding tone.

"Uh, of course I do! After everything.. why wouldn't I?" Peridot asked.

"I dunno," Amethyst shrugged. She wanted to say 'Dot, you know that you shouldn't spend all of your time beat up over Lapis, right?', but she knew that right now wasn't the best time to say so. "So.. tell me.. What's on your mind, regarding her?"

"That I wasted my time," Peridot quipped. "On Lapis, of course. But.. I spent so much time with her, getting close to her, and she opened up to me. I even opened up to her, because maybe she would've understood my struggles with transitioning lifestyles and homes. We had Camp Pining Hearts, Pumpkin, farming, and the meep morps. I thought that everything was perfect. But aparently, that was just a huge waste of my time, because the amount that she cared about me was not nearly as much of the amount I cared about her, and looking back, deep down, I most likely wasn't happy because of the constant need to go out of my way to make sure she was happy, with no recognition whatsoever."

Amethyst looked at Peridot, straight in the eyes, "Okay.. Look dude.. I know it hurts.. I've lost someone important to me too. Maybe didn't we have the same bond. And maybe it wasn't the same situation. But she was the closest friend I had, other than you and Vidalia. But.. You can't stop living life just because she left. And you can't be sad over her forever. Life goes on."

“I know..."

"And you do know that.. I'm here for ya.. I will always be here for you. So if you ever feel like coming up to me and wanting to cry on m'a shoulder, or wanting vent to me, that's okay, because you're my best friend, Peri, I'm here for you," Amethyst comforted.

Peridot half-smiled at Amethyst, her cheeks now a light blue, "Thank you, Amethyst. You're very important to me too."

Amethyst's purple cheeks turned a few shades darker, smiling back, "I'm glad I am."

After moments of silence, Peridot finally spoke, "...Amethyst?"

“Huh?”

"W-what if.. What if you leave me too?" Peridot asked, anxiously.

"Dude. I'd never leaave you. Never ever," Amethyst answered, sounding like she was on the verge of laughing. "Buhsides, I'd be a complete idiot if I did."

"No. You'd be a clod, to be exact," Peridot said, teasingly correcting her.

Amethyst blushed, now smiling again, "You're such a dork, Peridot."

"HEY! Peridot hissed, playfully pushing Amethyst, now giggling. Amethyst started giggling too.

“Oh man.. I miss this.."

“Miss..what..?” Peridot asked, now confused.

"I miss being able to hang out with you!" Amethyst exclaimed. "I missing laughing with you, I miss getting to do things with you, I miss pissing you off, I miss being with you. And.. even though you're right here, I miss you, so much.. Ugh.."

"I've missed you too, Amethyst," Peridot admitted, now blushing herself.

"I feel like.. that we only get to hangout when one of us feels like crap," Amethyst said, pointing out the obvious.

"I'm sorry," Peridot apologized.

“Uh. For what?” Amethyst asked.

"I was so invested in Lapis, so invested in taking care of her and make her happy that I forgot about you and the others.. And even when we did hangout, and Lapis was there, I was more attentative to her then anyone else."

"Peri, don't apologize. It's okay. You were just looking out for your friend," Amethyst reassured. "But on the brighter side, now we can hangout alot more often! There's so much I gotta introduce to ya!"

“Like.. what exactly?” Peridot asked

"Like that.. ocean!" Amethyst pointed out. "I love running through it, barefooted. And I love getting to see m'a hair flow in the water." She then pointed to the boardwalk, "And the awesome food that the Beach City Boardwalk has! And Funland! And the arcade! And the activities! There's so many fun things here."

"Welll.. I do need something else to do other than reside in the bathroom all-day," Peridot said. "But - I do need someone to do it with me."

"I got'cha covered, Dot," Amethyst said. "Buh-sides, I actually need to hangout with ya anyways! It's literally been light years."

"Well actually, Amethyst, it's roughly been a week," Peridot corrected.

"No no no nerd. I mean just the two of us. No Stevo, no Garnet, no Pearl, no Lapis, and definitely no drama. Just fun! And just the two of us, of course!" Amethyst insisted.

"Well, I suppose that we can."

"Yes!" Amethyst bursted out with glee, wrapping her arm around Peridot's shoulder and embracing her, in excitement.

Peridot smiled back at the excited quartz, and then sighed, "Amethyst.. do you think Lapis will ever.. come back?"

"Well.. if ya want me to be honest and not sugarcoat the whole thing, I don't know Dot," Amethyst admitted. Peridot frowned. And Peridot frowning made Amethyst upset because she hated seeing Peridot upset. "But! Uh. Let's hope that she will! But once again, let's not have you spend all your time locked up in the b-room, moping over her. Okay, Peri?"

"Okay," Peridot said. Amethyst then leaned on Peridot's shoulder, making her blush. "So.. you promise that you'll never leave?"

"I promise," Amethyst said. "Buttt, while we're making promises and stuff, can ya promise me somethin?"

“Of course."

"Promise me you'll never fake who you are and your happiness just for someone else's sake ever again. And promise me you won't bend over backwards for someone else's sake either. Okay? It's unhealthy and I definitely like the real you better."

"Wait. You knew that I was being 'overly happy' and 'bubbly' for a reason?" Peridot asked, sort of suprised.

"Uh dude. It was painfully obvious. I literally noticed it whenever I saw you and Lapis near each other," Amethyst said. "But.. I never really said anything just because I thought it was because I was jealous or somethin like that."

“You were jealous?”

"I mean.. a little.. I guess. It's hard not to when your someone who gets jealous easily and your bestfriend devotes all of her time and energy to another gem," Amethyst explained, blushing a little out of embarresment.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

"But. I do mean it when I say now that I'll never fake my happiness, and bend over backwards just for her. It's important and good to be selfless, but.. not to the point where it's unhealthy," Peridot promised.

"Thank you, Peridot. I'm glad you realized that," Amethyst smiled. Silence hit them for a moment, or two, then Amethyst finally spoke, "So.. do you ever think about Homeworld at all?"

"Of course I do, Amethyst," Peridot answered, sounding mildly defensive.

"I meant, do you miss it?" Amethyst asked. "Like.. at all?"

"No. I do not."

"So if ya had the oppurtunity to ever go back, you wouldn't?" Amethyst asked.

“Nope. Never.”

“Even though you’re stuck here with clods like me?” Amethyst asked, half-teasingly, half-serious.

"Yes," Peridot smiled, hugging the gem who was still leaning on her shoulder. "With clods like you."

Amethyst blushed, snuggling into the green gem, "Yeah.. I'm actually really happy you're here too Dot."

[qqueenofhades]

Hi, I'm the Anon that asked if its ok to be sad about flynn spoilers and mad about the Flynn-erasure/Goran-erasure that is happening with the movie stuff. I am writing positive posts now- you know reasons why Flynn/Goran is fan-f*ckin-tastic. Just a couple posts- so ppl know. Kill em with kindess, right? Sorry if I annoyed you- this is my first fandom and I didn't know that the stars get into shipping (that was hard to see)- and it really disappointed me. I learned a lot.

Hi there,

I’m actually not sure what ask you’re talking about? If you mean the one about the other part of the script, I answered that one earlier, but I didn’t get one explicitly about being sad re: Flynn erasure. So I can promise you didn’t annoy me, it’s just that tumblr ate it. So yes, please don’t worry on that front.

As for the fact that the writers seem unfortunately trying to cram in a forced L/W resolution/endgame, rather than leaving it open for a potential season 3 pickup… well, as ever, they can do what they want with that, but yes, it is disappointing, especially given as the Flynn/Garcy fandom is sizeable and would be hoping for a better result in a movie purportedly for all fans and to give the series a fitting sendoff. Again, we don’t have full context and don’t know what happens, but it’s obviously a human reaction to be upset or not be thrilled about what we have heard this far. I’m still waiting to form my full opinion, and there are some things that gave me feels for sure, but yeah, it’s not the way I would have chosen to end it. I don’t know if I would have come around to this development if it had been given time to unfold naturally over a proper season 3 (forever bitter at NBC for purposefully sabotaging this and in one sense, ensuring that the movie was always going to be a rushed and unsatisfactory ending), but as it stands, yeah, I’m not really a fan.

Fandom can be difficult when you get invested in a story and can’t control it, and when the behavior of other fans impacts on your ability to enjoy it. Unfortunately the Timeless fandom, after starting out lovely and respectful and chill, has pretty much self-destructed, and that does not help. Hence why I am very judicious about how I engage with it and what I want to consume, and I have been in fandom for a long time, so you have to work out how to do that for yourself. What I would like to say is that being a fan of something is not a binding contract to always like everything it does. I myself probably won’t watch the movie, or at least ask trusted folks in advance if it’s worth it, or just watch selected scenes or reblog gifsets. I did not sign an oath in blood to always be bound to the official output of anything (whether Timeless or whatever else) and that’s the fun of transformative works and independent fandom. You don’t like it, well, you always have the ability to change it, ignore it, not engage with it, etc. There is no obligation to consume media that is not going to make you happy. The world is shitty enough and most of us use this for escapism anyway. So yeah.

You certainly have every right to feel how you feel, and there can tend to be fan policing (again, in any fandom) that dictates that you should be universally positive or universally negative about something, which again.. isn’t true. My personal position is almost always to be neutral-positive-ish and to wait for full context and be willing to allow myself to be pleasantly surprised, and that goes for most things, since I too have had to go through the process of detaching myself from being totally emotionally dependent on a TV show or fictional characters. This was harder for me as a fandom newbie, so again, I do feel your pain. But again, either way, there is no obligation for you to feel one way or another, to watch the movie if it won’t make you happy (again, I myself am being very very noncommital on it and am not going to race to anything about it) or so on. Flynn is likewise my favorite character and if they totally shaft him, I’m going to be big mad. But I’ll also completely ignore it, write some vent posts/critiques, and basically pay 0% attention to it in future fic or headcanons. Because if you ruin him, you can’t have him.

So what I’m trying to say is… yeah, the movie promotion/filming is seemingly leaving a bad taste in the mouths of our part of the fandom, and if we don’t want to watch, we don’t have to, or only selectively. I had higher hopes for the movie when it seemed like it would just be about saving Rufus and leaving the door open for a possible season 3, but since they know they might not get picked up, they’re trying to cram in overall answers/resolutions. Again, this is entirely their right to do so, and I am sure some fans will enjoy it; I am happy for them if so. However, it would be a shame if a series I have otherwise enjoyed and gotten so much creative inspiration from went out on such a flat note, and there was a clear intent to crowd out Flynn’s character, his relationship with Lucy, and everything else that he has centrally been to the series, for the sake of a small but loud group of fans. It would not fit with everything thus far and again, we have no obligation to like it or support it.

Anyway… yes. I’m mostly trying not to think about it, and if it’s getting too much, I do advise stepping back or detoxing or so on. You’re not obliged to like everything, and you’re not obliged to react or remain engaged with it. Online drama is exhausting and frustrating, in my opinion, and I stay well away from it. At the end of the day, it still is fiction, and if it’s impacting badly on your mental health, at a time when we all need whatever scraps of it we can get, then by all means, do and react however you need.

[kiebs]

Whale Tales 8

Fandom: Free!

Genre: Modern Fantasy

Pairing: Soumako; MakoxOC; SouxOC; SoumakoxOC

Characters: Matsuoka Rin; Original Character; Tachibana Makoto, Yamazaki Sousuke; Nanase Haruka

Summary:  It all began with a storm that totaled a boat. And overly friendly mermen.

It’s been forever and a day, but I hope you enjoy this most recent chapter of Whale Tales!

Also on AO3

Rin crossed his arms, eyes looking out over the marina. "So, you're sure this is okay to do?"

"Sousuke said it was okay," Tohru responded, twisting a hair tie between her fingers.

"Yeah, but…just because he says so—"

"Rin, you were there, too. Did he look uncertain to you?"

"I don't want our friends getting hurt because a big dumb fish thinks he can get over his trauma by forcing himself to hang out with humans."

For a moment, only the seagulls answered him.

"…everything will be okay," she murmured. "Makoto-san and Haru-san will be there."

"Great, more fish."

"They're not fish. They're cetaceans."

"Don't you get all technical on me—"

"Cetaceans are mammals. Fish aren't. There is no technic—"

"They both swim!"

"Now you're being childish."

Before their bickering could go any farther, and both of them knew they were bickering only because they were nervous and this was how they sometimes made the other feel better, a bright, cheery voice rang through the air. Both turned towards the sound, a sense of levity immediately fluttering over them.

"Rin-channn! Tohru-channn!" A ball of energy and blond hair dashed across the dock, almost knocking both of them over in his haste to hug them. "I missed you!"

"Oof! Hey, Nagisa," Rin greeted. He ruffled their friend's fluffy locks. "We missed you too."

"How was your European adventure?" Tohru asked warmly.

It was good to see her friend again. It had been about a month or so since she last saw him and, well, he didn't look much different. Nagisa still stood only a couple centimeters taller than she did and he was as tan as she was, but he had cut his hair and a shiny bicolored ring glittered on his finger. Otherwise, he was the same old Nagisa, bubbly and cheerful and bringing sunshine wherever he went.

He clasped his hands together with sparkling eyes. "It was amazing. I didn't realize just how close all the countries were, so we just took a super long road trip!"

"And what about your budget?" Rin asked, but his eyes had lifted from the blond man to his husband.

Rei pushed up his glasses with a mild twisting of his mouth. "Stretched, but nothing too overboard."

"Did you have fun, though?" Rin asked.

A smile curved up their bespectacled friend's lips. His face immediately softened, looking as boyish as he did when he was in high school. In moments like this, Tohru saw the reason why Nagisa so loved Rei.

"I did, very much so," he admitted. "Even with the language barrier, I had fun."

"Yeah, yeah! Thankfully, Rei-chan could get around a little with his English!" Nagisa added happily. He bounced on his heels away from her and Rin. "But we picked up a lot! And souvenirs! We got you some cool things!"

He immediately began rifling through his bag and produced two gift bags. Rin and Tohru eyed them cautiously, remembering previous gifts and souvenirs that had been less than what they expected. And by that, she meant that they had been some really weird and esoteric thing that they didn't even know where or how he got them. Nevertheless, they took the bags.

Inside the bag sat a simple cardboard box. Tohru lifted it out and cautiously turned it in her hands. It was light, but had some weight to it so that it didn't feel like it was full of fluff. That didn't exactly ease her, but she opened the box anyway. Wrapped in paper and sparkling once uncovered, she found a pretty metal and glass statue of a stingray. The glass was a mixture of milky blues and grays, though a few places were clear and bright cerulean. It was beautiful and extremely thoughtful.

Rin had a similar piece, but his was a shark and red. Tears beaded in his eyes the moment he unearthed it from its paper cushion. He sniffed loudly, gently placing the shark back into the box so that he could rub furiously at his eyes. Tohru smiled indulgently at his actions, putting her own statuette away.

Seeing Rin cry was actually a good sign, all things considered. With the curse and the mermen, she was afraid he was going to fall into depression again, but he actually crying meant that he hadn't. He became remarkably aloof when he was depressed.

"Aww, Rin-chan!" Nagisa cooed, throwing his arms around his waist.

"I-I'm not crying!" Rin hiccoughed gruffly.

"Rin, that's never worked," Tohru teased, gently bumping his shoulder with hers. "We know you're crying."

"S-Shut up."

"You're going to make Rei-chan cry, Rin-chan!"

"I am not going to start crying, Nagisa-kun!"

Nagisa laughed joyfully, smiling up at his husband.

It felt weird to think of Rei and Nagisa like that, to think that they were married now. It felt like they would be boyfriends forever, though they had also felt married before they had even been engaged. Then again, Tohru couldn't imagine a time when the two weren't together and it was weird to think that there actually had been. She much preferred them now.

Rin pushed Nagisa away, but he kept his hand on the smaller man's shoulder. Tears still reddened his eyes, but he was smiling as he gestured to the boat. He cast a conspiratorial look towards her before speaking.

"Let's head off, all right?" he remarked, placing his box back in the bag. "We're losing daylight."

"It's not even ten yet!" Nagisa whined, but hurried onto The Shark nonetheless.

"Like you're not excited to go out," Rin returned with a grin.

"We went on a cruise, too!" their friend huffed, turning up his nose.

Tohru lifted an eyebrow and looked curiously at Rei. "Did you?"

"Mm. In Sweden," the glasses-wearing man explained. He gestured for her to go first; she did. "It was rather beautiful."

His voice was almost wistful, which was a surprise. Back in high school, he had refused to go near, let alone in, any water, and even in college, they were hard-pressed to actually get him to join them in the pool. (Teaching him to swim had been a nightmare.) She supposed Nagisa's and her work had something to do with his recent fondness to bodies of water. He still got horribly seasick, though.

Once Rei was on the boat, Rin untied it and hopped in himself. As he passed her, he dipped his head.

"You wanna bring it up or should I?" he asked softly.

Tohru tilted her head up accordingly. "I can. I won't mention the curse."

His smile was relieved in return. He nodded.

Now…the question was how to bring up the mermen.

Technically, her real question was if she would even get a chance to speak as Nagisa dominated the conversation the moment they had all settled in the cabin. He regaled them on his and Rei's European adventure, telling them about the food, the people, the cities, and just about anything else that he could remember. Sure, intermittently when he ran out of breath, Rei would add a few things or tell them about the architecture or simple beauty of the towns in Europe before Nagisa would continue his tale. And he was a very good speaker, always had been, and created such pretty imagery with his words alone. They could have been there with the way he was describing everything.

But Tohru needed to tell them about the mermen. She felt extremely guilty about even needing to do so, because she had promised the mermen—she had promised Sousuke—that she or Rin wouldn't tell anyone else. Yet here she was.

Sousuke's voice echoed through her mind, interrupting the images of some kind of German pastry Nagisa was describing.

"I understand. You can tell them."

Guilt still tied up her throat, but she would rather forewarn her friends than blindside them. There was just the very likely happenstance that neither Rei nor Nagisa would believe her. Nagisa might be a dreamer, might love fantasy, but he also knew the boundaries of reality. Even he would question her sanity.

She sighed softly, smiling despite her inner turmoil. Despite how nervous she felt, she was happy that she could share this with her friends. Even more so, she was happy that Sousuke understood why she had to bring them out. She had been extremely reckless to go diving without a partner; she recognized that now. Thankfully, Sousuke understood that, too. He had actually lectured her after she had explained why she needed to bring Nagisa. It was flattering.

"…ru…"

Being lectured had never been so enjoyable before.

"T…ru…n…"

Even Makoto had gotten huffy when she explained her recklessness.

"Toh…n…"

It was…cute.

"Tohru-chan!"

Tohru jolted from her daze.

"W-What?" she gasped, looking quickly between Nagisa and Rei.

Rin coughed sharply.

Rei raised an eyebrow while Nagisa pouted.

Oh. She must have really daydreamed hard.

"Were you even paying attention, Tohru-chan?" Nagisa huffed, crossing his arms. His bottom lip wobbled.

"Until Vienna, sorry," she admitted with a wince.

"You missed our whole adventure in Padua!"

"To be fair, Nagisa, you have been talking for a while," Rei murmured, touching his husband's knee. "I'm sure Tohru-san and Rin-san have had adventures while we were away."

Nagisa's eyes widened. His lips wobbled before he lunged onto Tohru's lap.

"I'm sorry, Tohru-chan! I didn't even ask how you were doing!" he wailed, looking up at her. "Especially about that storm!"

Ah, that had been the only time they interrupted their friends' honeymoon. Well, Kou had interrupted their honeymoon because Nagisa and Rei were two of her best friends and she needed to vent. They had almost returned, actually, if Rin hadn't given them a lecture about the romance of a honeymoon.

"We're doing okay," she answered with a smile. "Well, I'm getting better, but, well, Rin and I…had another adventure…"

Nagisa sat up quickly. "What happened?"

Rin snorted loudly.

Tohru took a breath.

"Okay, so…it…it kind of connected to the storm we were in," she began nervously. "Um, so…we…we kind of had help getting out of it and, uh…look, it's going to sound really weird and-and impossible, but you have to believe me, okay?"

Her friend narrowed his eyes at her, but nodded. Rei also nodded, looking skeptical.

"Go on," Rei encouraged.

She blew out loudly. "Okay, so. We were saved by mermen. Aaaand they've kinda been helping me out with the stingray research? And they visit us all the time when we go out now."

Unsurprisingly, silence answered her.

Her mouth was dry, her tongue gummy, her throat tight. Rei and Nagisa just stared at her, both with confused looks, though Rei's grew more and more concerned as the boat sailed on. She rubbed her clammy palms against her knees as she waited for one of them to respond.

After many long, excruciating minutes, Rei cleared his throat. He adjusted his glasses and then fixed the collar of his shirt. He took a breath. The whole preparation made Tohru sink farther down in her seat.

"Are you sure you didn't hurt yourself in the storm?" he asked in such a concerned voice that it embarrassed her. "Mermen don't exist."

"Doctor said I was fine," she muttered petulantly.

"Maybe you hallucinated…?" he continued, rubbing his chin. "Or created something to help you cope."

"But wouldn't mermen be so much cooler?" Nagisa interrupted. "Real live mermen! Think about it, Rei-chan!"

The bespectacled man offered his husband an indulgent smile. "As exciting as that would be, it's improbable."

"We've only explored like five percent of the oceans, Rei-chan!"

"I feel like we would have found something that was human sized by now."

Tohru cut in then, "Rei, we know very little about the blue whale and they get about thirty meters long! It's not farfetched that we could miss something the size of a human."

"She's got a point," Nagisa added excitedly. His bright gaze turned to her. "Did you really see mermen?"

"They were probably dolphins!" Rei argued huffily. "Tohru-san, Nagisa-kun, please."

“I mean, yeah, but it would be so much cooler if they really were mermen!” Nagisa gushed.

This was exactly how she expected it would go, to be honest. Nagisa had been the one to force her to join that folklore class, after all. He would be willing to believe in mermen. Rei was just too logical and rational for anything magical like this.

Tohru blew her hair out of her face angrily. Despite knowing this would happen, she was still frustrated. It was teaching Rei how to swim all over again, except harder. At least he had believed that swimming existed. Yeah, he had given a lecture on how humans had evolved to live on land and swimming was counterintuitive because of that, but he had very much knew the swimming was a real thing. She would have to take drastic measures with making him believe in the mermen then.

"I'm anchoring!" Rin called out. He turned around with a wicked grin. "Let's get this merman show on the road."

He picked up his stereo and headed out.

"Not you too, Rin-san!" Rei cried, standing up to follow. Nagisa was on his heels as they exited the cabin. "There's no such thing as mermen!"

The door swinging closed muffled their voices as they headed to the deck.

Her head pounded. She hadn't even realized the boat had stopped until Rin had spoken. Rubbing her forehead, she even wondered how any of this was going to work out with how vehemently Rei was denying the existence of the mermen. At least he hadn't resorted to saying they were tripping balls as Rin had done, but, well, the day was young.

As she changed into her wetsuit, her heart fluttered excitedly. Frustration with Rei aside, she was going to do her own research. Research that she had decided on. That was exciting. Even more exciting was all the equipment she could use. Like underwater cameras and recording devices and tags. Her grant allowed for that and she didn't have to go through her stupid cousin this time. No more hand recording her findings or trying to remember what she had seen. As it were, of course, most of the equipment wouldn't arrive to her apartment until next week, but she at least had an underwater camera already.

Grinning happily, Tohru skipped outside just as a large wave of water splashed a lecturing Rei. She gaped. Her friend was frozen for a solid few seconds before, abruptly, he screeched in shock. Nagisa immediately began cackling at his husband's sodden appearance.

Their loud responses broke whatever spell had descended on her and she giggled in surprise. Still snickering, she trotted over to the end of the boat and leaned over the rail.

"Hello, Sousuke," she greeted the nonplussed merman warmly.

He frowned up at her, though it really looked like he was pouting, before a slow, amused smile slipped onto his face. He looked rather pleased with himself she would have to say. Honestly, she was rather pleased with him, too.

Makoto, on the other hand, did not share their amusement, apparently. He surfaced next to his mate looking adorably annoyed. He shoved the larger merman.

"Was that necessary?" he asked exasperatedly.

Sousuke huffed. "I thought so."

"Rin was the same way!" Makoto groaned, covering his face.

"No, Rin kept insisting he was tripping balls," Sousuke retorted, lifting an eyebrow. He looked up towards Tohru. "Not started lecturing on why we couldn't exist."

"Do you want to come say 'hello'?" she asked with a grin.

The whale shark merman wrinkled his nose, as if the thought irritated him. Instead of bumming her out, the sight made her grin even more. She liked that she was able to interact with them like this. Those scant few days where she couldn't had left her feeling melancholic and the whole curse deal had saddened her, as well. Yet now, with their silly and sassy interactions, she felt so much better.

Makoto finally lowered his hands, but his exasperated look stayed on his face. Even more so when he saw his mate's distasteful expression.

"Sousuke…" he chastised lowly.

"Mm. All right. I'll come to you then," she announced. Almost immediately, wet arms hooked under hers and pulled her back. "Whoa!"

She looked up in surprise to find a flustered Rei staring down at her. His cheeks were pale, water droplets gleaming on his skin. His hair stuck to his forehead too.

"W-W-What do you t-think you're doing?" he exclaimed. "W-W-Who were those voices!?"

Nagisa suddenly appeared at her side. His eyes sparkled. "Was that—!?"

Music began playing behind them and the boat swayed.

"Tohru!" Makoto gasped, leaning over the side of the boat frantically.

Sousuke was scowling next to him, also hanging onto the ledge. Loud splashes sounded from behind both of them, which probably meant that their tails were thrashing back and forth.

Rei's arms dropped. He made a breathless noise, almost like a whimper, while Nagisa squealed in excitement. Tohru wasn't sure who to deal with first, though she turned quickly to catch Rei before his trembling legs gave out. Rin, thankfully, hurried over to help her.

"Yo," he called over their friend's shoulder to the mermen. "Where's your third wheel?"

"There's another one?" Rei whispered in horror.

His face was almost gray in shock. She gently nudged him over to one of the deck boxes and, with the help of Rin, eased him down. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his face, groaning lowly. He sounded like he was going to be sick.

Hands latched onto her arm, shocking her to look up into the glowing face of Nagisa. His grin cut across his face like a crescent moon. He bounced excitedly.

"They're mermen!" he hissed excitedly. "Mermen! Me-e-e-e-ermen!"

"Yes, yes, they're dudes with fish tails," Rin remarked, ruffling the younger man's hair. "Give your husband some space."

"Sousuke is the only one with a fish tail," Tohru muttered, rubbing Rei's back. He groaned again.

"Is he okay?" Makoto called out nervously.

"He's seasick," Rin responded with a shrug.

"Whale shit," Sousuke responded, receiving an elbow jab from his mate.

Rin lifted an eyebrow, but grinned. He took a few steps towards the mermen.

"You miiight have freaked him out?" he amended with a shrug and hand wiggle. "You're supposed to be, mmm, improbable, did he say?"

He looked over his shoulder, probably to get Tohru's affirmation on his choice of words when a blur of blond hair sped past him and almost pushed the mermen back into the water. Sousuke lurched back, his grip on the railing the only thing preventing him from falling backwards. He gritted his teeth, eyes snapping past Nagisa towards her.

Tohru winced and hurried over to them just as her friend began to launch into a rapid barrage of questions. Sighing heavily, she gripped his shoulders and pulled him backwards, hoping to give the mermen space. Belatedly, she wondered what would happen if Sousuke had fallen backwards into the water. Did tonic immobility affect him like it did sharks and stingrays?

"Nagisa, give them some space," she scolded softly. "Also…you're speaking really fast."

"But Tohru-chan!" he gasped, whipping towards her and cracking their foreheads together.

They both yelped, jumping apart and clutching their heads. She whined lowly, a high-pitched version echoing hers as she pressed her hands to her wounded body part. Her equilibrium felt off and she knew she was swaying from the pain, so she squatted down to cut down her chances of falling. Slowly, the pain dulled.

"Honestly," Rin remarked, placing a hand on her back. "What am I going to do with you two?"

"Give us ice?" Nagisa begged.

Tohru squinted at him. "Did you bring a cooler?"

"This time. Hold on," Rin sighed, standing.

His footsteps hurried down the boat.

"Tohruuu…" Makoto whined plaintively and she shuffled closer to him.

Her eyes were still mostly closed, but she was now gently rubbing her forehead, wishing the ache to ebb. Cool fingers joined hers, coaxing her head to tip slightly back. Her hands dropped to savor the wonderful chill that Makoto's hand held. She hummed softly.

A tingling sensation spread across her skin, like the feeling of your muscles going numb. It fizzled and danced under and over her forehead until any pain she felt was gone. The tingling sensation disappeared with it. She blinked her eyes open in surprise, reaching upwards to touch the hand that still rested on her forehead.

"Wha…" was her intelligent response, eyes widening with the realization of what just happened. She tried tilting her head to the side to look up at Makoto. "Did you…was that…?"

"Magic? Yes," he offered. He lowered his hand. "How are you feeling?"

"The pain is gone," she remarked, gently touching her forehead where he had. Her skin was wet. "And I feel more alert somehow."

She looked up to catch him looking thoughtful. A faint glow rested in his eyes, much more so than the sunlight could allow. She suddenly remembered the bright and feral eyes of Sousuke not two days ago.

"That's a side effect," the whale shark merman said lowly. "Healing head injuries tends to make the patient more alert than they were."

"It won't last long, though," Makoto added with an apologetic smile. "Give it a bit."

"Magic is coooool," Nagisa slurred. "Ahhh, so nice and cold."

Tohru turned to see her friend pressing a large bundle to his forehead. Rin stood behind him with his hands on his hips and an expression that was a cross between disbelieving and combatant. However, he sighed instead of saying anything and shook his head.

"We're in a god damned fairytale," he muttered loudly, rubbing his neck. "Mermen and magic and sea witches…"

"Sea witches!? Ow…" Nagisa exclaimed before pressing the bundled icepack to his forehead again.

"Witch. Singular," Sousuke corrected. He laid his head on his arms. "Not that you're ever gonna meet her 'cause then we'd lose our tails."

There was a beat of silence.

"…like…cut in half or…you'd get legs...?" Rin asked in confusion.

Tohru would admit that she was curious too.

Sousuke grimaced, but he looked just as confused as they felt.

"It's…It's a saying," the merman explained. "We wouldn't actually lose our tails…"

"Like 'whale shit'?" Now Rin had a grin.

She covered her face with a groan. He was actually five, wasn't he? Totally and completely five.

"Yes, like that."

She was going to shove Sousuke off the boat.

Nagisa snickered.

That was it.

Collecting her wits about her, Tohru stood. They were wasting daylight and as much as she would love to spend the day talking to the mermen, she should start her job. The nice, fantastic job as a marine biologist which she slaved through university for and finally, finally, had a grant to do research outside of the Churaumi Aquarium.

"I have a job to do," she announced, placing her hands on her hips. "Nagisa, when you can, please suit up. We have a survey to do."

She used her best administrator voice and everything. Nagisa gave her a thumbs up.

"Yes, ma'am!" he chirped, struggling to his feet. He made his way to the cabin and closed himself inside.

"…remember when he used to strip right out on the deck?" Rin remarked almost fondly.

She raised an eyebrow and pointed at Rei. "Rei's literally right here, Rin."

Her best friend sputtered fantastically.

"Excuse you!" he managed to snap. "Like hell, I'd find Nagisa attractive!"

"But he's cute," she said, tilting her head. "Don't you like cute?"

"Not that kind of cute," he grumbled. "Besides," and his voice changed into a bad mimic of hers, "your guppies are literally right here."

And in English. For added injury.

Her cheeks burned at the insinuation. She didn't have that kind of relationship with either Makoto or Sousuke. She barely had a relationship with them at all. Even if they did visit all the time and helped them out despite getting in trouble with the sea witch.

"Again with the guppies," Sousuke remarked with huff.

"I still don't know what a guppy is," Makoto added a little petulantly.

The heat in her cheeks doubled in force.

A new voice spoke up.

"Wait, they know English?" Rei gasped and she turned her attention to him.

He still sat on the deck box and he still looked like he might pass out at any moment, but he was peering at them curiously, eyes squinted from taking off his glasses. His hair was tousled, probably from him running his hands through it the more they had been talking to the mermen. Still, despite his disheveled appearance and his grayish complexion, his natural curiosity had him asking questions.

Even Rei wasn’t immune to the allure of knowledge. Especially knowledge about something completely and utterly unknown to the rest of the world.

"We have a natural proficiency with languages," Makoto explained, just like he had so many days ago.

Gosh.

Had it been days? Hell, it had only been a couple weeks, hadn't it? So many things had happened that it felt like so much longer. Like months had passed. It was an odd thought that not a lot of time had passed.

She barely knew the mermen if she really thought about it. Even with all that happened, she didn't know them very well at all. Her head hurt again. She leaned on the railing of the boat, so that she didn't fall over.

"Is there a limit?" Rei asked and that too was like two weeks ago

Immediately, surprisingly, Tohru remembered what Makoto had said.

"Non c'é un limite," she sounded out, frowning at the foreign words in her mouth.

She should work on her Italian.

"That was very good," Makoto said warmly.

She quickly looked up at him, cheeks heating up. He had a bright smile on his face and a fonder look in his eyes. She wondered if he realized that she had remembered what he said.

"No limit?" Rei spoke up and she turned to look at her friend. He squinted at her. "Since when did you know Italian?"

"Well, mom taught me a few phrases should I ever go to Italy," she explained, "but, um, that's how Makoto-san responded last time we asked about languages."

Rei put his glasses back on, pushing them up in an all too familiar way. Violet irises sparkled despite the pallor of their owner's skin. He leaned forward, rubbing his chin.

"So the musical ability to which legends refer extends to languages as well," he remarked. "Is it a voluntary choice to use a certain language? Or involuntary, such that they hear a language being used and respond to it?"

Well, Rei's curiosity had been piqued. She was rather surprised, actually, at the swiftness in which his tune changed. Then again, he did have a natural curiosity like Nagisa and, if someone close to him reacted calmly to something, he too was likely to have a favorable reaction.

Maybe this would be easier than teaching him how to swim.

"Voluntary."

Sousuke's voice surprised her, mostly because she hadn't expected him to be the one to respond. She turned to the mermen.

"So you choose what language to use?" she pressed.

"Well, I feel like it's both?" Makoto responded this time, looking thoughtfully upwards. "Like, we are more likely to respond in a language we hear, rather than choose a different language. But we don't have to respond in that language. If that makes sense."

"Yeah, it does," Rin remarked with a nod. He looked towards them. "Do you ever mix languages?"

Sousuke raised an eyebrow incredulously.

"Not particularly." Makoto shrugged. "Since we're usually talking to other merfolk, we don't have to use anything but mermish."

"Mermish?" Rei asked.

"Our language," Makoto said with a smile just as the cabin door burst open.

Nagisa sprinted from the small room, sliding the last few feet to the mermen on his knees. He had something in his hands, which he thrust out towards the two. Again, Sousuke reared back.

Tohru stood from her leaning position to ease Nagisa away from them. She was sure Sousuke was already overloaded with human interaction. She didn't want him feeling anymore uncomfortable than he probably already did.

"It's cool that you guys speak so many languages, but check this out!" he chirped happily. "This is a guppy!"

He held up his tablet, which she only knew was his due to the bright pink case it had. Tohru covered her face in disbelief, hiding her reddening cheeks.

Rin began to snicker.

"…I don't understand," Makoto finally said. "How does that…?"

"Our tails look nothing like that," Sousuke huffed.

"What do your tails look like?" Nagisa asked brightly and excitedly.

Tohru took that as her cue.

"Suit up and you can see them in their natural environment," she ordered, nudging one of their air tanks with her foot. She smiled at the two mermen. "You two might want to move back."

Sousuke immediately dropped into the water. His actions were a bit abrupt, but she understood why. No doubt Nagisa had overwhelmed him. Care for him or not, her friend did tend to have that effect on people, even with all his good intentions. Besides, Sousuke shouldn't be forcing himself out of his comfort zone too much in too short a time. Makoto smiled indulgently at the water before dropping down himself.

Once they were gone, Tohru clapped her hands. She felt much better without an audience.

"All right. Nagisa and I will be down for an hour," she began explaining to Rin and Rei. "My camera is set up to immediately send any photos I take to my laptop, which you know the password to, Rei. We're just going down to take pictures and grab samples from the vegetation and silt for the control group and to analyze. Save for the mermen, nothing should bother us. Everyone got that?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Nagisa saluted her while Rin and Rei agreed.

"All right. Let's go!"

With a quickness that came from years of experience and practice, both she and Nagisa were in the water in record time. Blue stretched around them as they dived down towards the seafloor. Silence reigned as they explored, but Tohru felt much better now that she had a diving buddy. If they had radios, she might feel even safer, but that diving equipment was going to arrive with the rest of the equipment she had ordered. Nevertheless, she enjoyed her friend's presence in the great expanse of the ocean.

As they swam closer to the rocks, a dark shadow passed above her and Makoto appeared in her peripheral vision. She waved at him, ignoring Nagisa's excited fist shaking and finger pointing at the sight of the orca merman's tail.

"Sousuke's taking a nap," he reported, swimming around them with ease. He came back to her left side.

Tohru tilted her head, wishing she could ask if he was okay. Makoto, thankfully, seemed to understand.

"He's all right," he said with a smile. "Too much human interaction. He'll probably stop by again, once he recovers. He gets lost easily, y'know."

A snort bubbled up her throat, forcing her to press a hand to her mouthpiece so she wouldn't spit it out from laughing. Of all things, a whale shark getting lost was not what she had expected. Her shoulders shook from her suppressed laughter, which eased when she caught sight of the way Makoto's eyes crinkled with his smile. Suddenly, the hand against her mouthpiece was to prevent a startled gasp from drowning her. In that moment, he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Cheeks warming, she quickly returned her gaze forward so that she could get to work, rather than ogle the merman. There would be other times for more covert staring, better times than when she was underwater. Right now, she had research to do. Of course, it would be a while until they got close enough to the bottom so it would be rude to ignore him the whole time, but she really should focus.

Nagisa seemed not to care, gesturing excitedly to Makoto. He was trying to say something or maybe it was ask, but she couldn't understand it. Neither did the merman, honestly, as he looked confused, but he swam over to her partner's side nonetheless. Nagisa resorted to pointing at random body parts to emphasize his questions. Both she and Makoto caught on at that.

Nagisa pointed first to the merman's tail.

"I have the tail of an orca, yes," Makoto explained. Nagisa's finger remained pointing at his tail. "Ah, um, I have a lot of qualities like an orca, too. Um, like, echolocation is one."

Nodding, Nagisa then pointed at his hands. The merman frowned, looking confused as he held up his hands for them. Pale gray webbing connected his fingers together, which admittedly was the only weird thing about his hands. That and the black flesh on the back of them when he flipped them around to prove that his hands were totally normal. He even put his palm against Nagisa's when her fellow scientist reached forward eagerly.

"They're just like yours," Makoto said in confusion. Nagisa's fingers barely passed the first joint of the merman's fingers. "Maybe a little bigger..."

Nagisa pointed at the webbing. Tohru inched a little closer to see it, fascinated by the opaque membrane. The more reasonable part of her brain told her that she should be swimming lower, as there was still almost ten meters left to dive until they reached the bottom. The excitable scientist in her, however, wanted to examine and learn more about the merman in front of her. Especially since he was so willing to teach her.

He glanced up at her, catching her off guard, and then offered his other hand to her. Tentatively, she took his hand, running her gloved fingers over his palm before gently spreading his fingers to touch the webbing. She couldn't really feel anything, though, too eager in her excitement to remove her gloves. Frustrated at the lack of sensation, she released his hand to tug off her right glove, which she shoved into her belt. She then held his hand again and ran her bare fingers over the membrane.

It felt odd, simultaneously like human skin and something much smoother. Considering the difference between his patterns and the more human skin, this made sense, but the sensation of touching it nevertheless confused her. She stroked both sides of the webbing and found that they felt the same before she indulged her curiosity.

Turning his hand, she pressed their palms together and, like Nagisa, her fingertips barely passed his first joint. She supposed that made sense since she and Nagisa were almost the same size; she, admittedly, was heavier than he was and much curvier. Nevertheless, the size difference made her blush because she had never really been anything but the big girl. She liked that her hand was so much smaller than his was.

Her cheeks felt a little warm and awareness came back to her with a jolt. Maybe a little too fast, she pulled her hand away. Her mask covered her expression so Makoto would thankfully not see her distress, but that still didn't stop her from dropping her eyes to her hands. Her fingers shook as she fumbled to put her right glove back on. As much as she wanted to look up, she stayed focused on her task, as she was still too flustered to face either her partner or the merman. Even when she did lift her head, she looked between them and brusquely pointed to sandy seafloor. Then she turned and returned to her descent as quickly as she healthily could.

She was acting weird. She knew she was. Since when did she get so flustered over someone being bigger than her? When did she ever get flustered over anyone, period? Well, there was that one time when her idol, Professor Nishiyama, came for a lecture at her university, but that was different. That was a celebrity. Most people became flustered around celebrities. That was expected. A merman, however, wasn't a celebrity. A merman—well, a merman wasn't supposed to exist. It was illogical to get flustered about a mythical creature.

And yet, here she was acting like a school girl, swimming away because she got excited over the simple fact that her hand was smaller. Her hand was smaller than a lot of people's. Like Rin. He had bigger hands than she did. So did Rei and Seijuurou. She took as deep a breath to calm down, more sensing than seeing that Nagisa had joined her. She wasn't sure if Makoto had followed her or not. No matter, she had a job to do.

***

Makoto kept his distance as Tohru and Nagisa did their work. He half-watched the humans, more focused on his hand to give them more than an occasional glance. He kept flipping it back and forth, fascinated by the skin and bones and tendons that he had seen all his life. His palm still tingled from where Tohru had pressed hers to his. Only Sousuke had ever caused such a reaction in him and he was so fascinated that a human could cause the same reaction.

Maybe...Maybe he should be worried that she could.

After all, Sousuke was his mate and, yes, they had known each for years now. Yes, they were familiar, but that didn't mean palms touching and bodies touching and his skin on his skin couldn't cause excited shivers and sparks dancing down his arms and bones. Familiarity meant that they knew what excited the other, even if they were young and a little inexperienced. But he had only just met Tohru and her fingers on his skin and her palm against his tickled his nerves with the same intensity that Sousuke did. That meant something; he was sure of it.

He flipped his hand again, glancing up at a shadow passing overhead. Sousuke swam above him, gazing out towards where the humans were carefully doing something by the rocks and corals, before he swerved downwards to lie next to him. His mate kissed his shoulder in greeting, the brush of his lips making his skin prickle from the attention. A shiver followed not a moment later. Makoto shifted closer to the other merman, seeking more contact. Their shoulders bumped together and even Sousuke's rough skin couldn't deter him in his hunt for the buzzing heat.

His skin felt just as it had when Tohru pressed their palms together.

"How is Tohru and her...friend doing?" Sousuke asked.

"All right," Makoto hummed. "Nagisa is very excited about us. He kept asking questions."

He belatedly realized how that sounded.

"...how?"

"Oh, he just would point rather vigorously at anything he wanted to know." Makoto grinned a little sheepishly. "I think Tohru got annoyed, though."

Sousuke propped his head up. "She did say she had a job to do. Which, technically, we do too."

Makoto huffed as he slid down the rock. His chin rested on an uncomfortable edge, but that didn't matter. He pouted, but now that Sousuke mentioned their job, he did feel guilty. He had just been more focused on helping Tohru and Rin than protecting his town. Which was bad, especially for a so-called guardian, but he was curious and he already thought of them as part of his pod. And they were in more danger than the town at the moment.

Sousuke brushed his fingers down his back, derailing his thoughts. Shivers erupted where their skin touched. The fingers did not stop, instead swirling around in patterns up and down his spine and over his lower back and shoulder blades. They left heat in their wake and the heat pooled in his cheeks.

Makoto whipped up from his lying position and twisted his head around to stare at his mate when the sensations grew too much. Sousuke looked placidly at him, his chin on his palm and the other hand hovering in the water. He slowly blinked as a smile grew on his face.

"Is now the time?" Makoto hissed.

Nevertheless, he wanted more.

His mate hummed. "I wasn't doing anything."

"Uh-huh..." he grumbled before settling much, much closer to him. “Don't make me flip you."

"Mm, is now the time?" Sousuke teased, raising his eyebrows and settling his arm around Makoto's waist. He grinned at Makoto's displeasure before nudging their foreheads together. "Seriously, though, it wasn't my intention to rile you up."

Makoto pouted, narrowing his eyes, before he sighed.

"Sorry. Maybe I riled myself up," he murmured.

"How so?"

He glanced down at his hands, idly moving his fingers. He flipped one to see his palm.

"...Tohru...pressed her palm to mine and..." he trailed off with a sigh of bubbles and a rush of heat to his cheeks.

"And?" Sousuke pressed.

"...and I don't know," Makoto confessed with a frown. "I don't know how to explain it. It was...It was like when you touch me...or-or something."

Fingers trailed up his shoulder.

"Like...when I touch you?" Sousuke echoed. "Does...it bother you...when I...?"

Makoto laughed softly. "No, no. If it does, only ever pleasantly. Which is why...why I'm so confused."

All was silent save for the faintest clicking noise, which he assumed was from the humans. The sunbeams dappled Sousuke's already spotted skin with more spots. Makoto walked his fingers between the shifting light.

"I didn't think you fell so easily," his mate remarked. His voice was guarded.

"Don't be ridiculous," he huffed, tapping Sousuke's nose. "I'm not in love with her. I love you. I'm just...I'm curious..."

Teal eyes regarded him intensely before fluttering closed. Bubbles spewed between them.

"I can't blame you," Sousuke grumbled. He glanced towards where the humans were. "I'm curious too. ...a mermaid would have been easier, though."

Makoto snorted before nudging his face against the other merman's neck. Sousuke jumped and sputtered something incoherent as his chuckles popped against his skin. His shoulders sagged until he was almost completely flat against his mate, almost pushing him onto his back. Sousuke's grip on the rock was the only thing preventing that.

They couldn't rightly form that kind of relationship with Tohru. After all, how would it work between a human and a merman? Tohru couldn't breathe underwater without help from some apparatus and, well, they had tails. Besides, human mating and courting rituals were a mystery to them. For all they knew, Tohru and Rin might already be together. They certainly never seemed to be apart these last few weeks. Maybe...Maybe he was getting ahead of himself...

Before Makoto could follow that any further, Sousuke stiffened against him. He needed nothing else to alert him of danger as he swiftly moved away from his mate and began surveying their surroundings. His gaze didn't go very far when it landed on a group of four medium-sized sharks meandering around and between Tohru and Nagisa. He bristled, despite the relative calm both sharks and humans exuded. He swallowed a click of distress.

One of the sharks bumped Tohru and he almost darted forward at that. The only thing that stopped him was the ease with which the human woman dropped her hand and patted the nose and back of the shark. It wiggled and spun around her, bumping into her waiting hand excitedly. Slowly, she brought up her other hand and let it hover under the shark's chin as she rubbed its nose. She had to move it, however, when one of the other sharks came up to her other side, bumping against her. That too received a nose rub to appease it. Nagisa was doing the same with the remaining two sharks, though the animals frequently switched between the two humans despite their new sluggish behavior.

Makoto stared in shock, sinking down as he watched the two humans pet the sharks. He didn't want to remove his eyes, in case something happened, but he blindly reached out and patted Sousuke's shoulder. His mate gave his hand a squeeze before his spotted tail headed towards the divers. Breathless and shell-shocked, he followed him.

The sharks were unperturbed at their arrival. Tohru did look up briefly at their shadows, her shoulders tensing for the briefest of moments until she realized the shadows belonged to them. Makoto smiled at her and her shoulders lowered a little before she returned her attention to the strangely affectionate sharks. Sousuke floated down to them, glancing over the humans, but paying the most attention to the animals, which gave little acknowledgment to them. His eyes began to glow before he tapped each shark between the eyes. They froze and he began swimming away.

The sharks sluggishly began following him, abandoning the humans with little mind. With a glance towards his mate, Sousuke sped off with his new entourage. It didn't take long for them to disappear after him.

After several moments, wherein Makoto swam protectively around the two humans, Sousuke finally reappeared. He looked significantly drained, but otherwise was no worse for wear. His eyes no longer glowed as he rejoined them.

"Are you all right?" he asked once he reached them.

Makoto turned to see Tohru nod and then point upwards. With little other warning, she and Nagisa began their ascent back towards their boat. They seemed unperturbed by the encounter, but that didn't stop Makoto from encouraging Sousuke to follow them with him in case more sharks showed up.

They surfaced just a few strokes away from the boat. Both the humans removed their eye coverings and mouthpieces. Nagisa's eyes were wide and they seemed to sparkle as he took in Makoto and Sousuke. For coming face to face with sharks just moments ago, he was remarkably unfazed. A big grin formed on his face despite Tohru urging him to return to the boat.

"You're a whale shark!" he was saying, as he tried to both climb the boat and look at Sousuke.

"Nagisa, you're gonna fall," Tohru scolded.

"Oh, don't worry!" he laughed, waving his hand. "How many times have we made this climb?"

She rolled her eyes, but she kept a watchful eye on him as he clambered over the railing of the boat. Makoto didn't blame her, considering all that had happened to her and Rin. He himself was swimming worriedly behind her as they watched her friend scramble over the side of the boat.

However, she didn't immediately follow. Instead, she shifted closer to him, eyeing the boat before she leaned her face close to his. Makoto stiffened at her nearness and his cheeks heated up. A serious and nervous look decorated her face when she looked into his eyes.

Bringing up her hand to the side of her mouth, she whispered, "Nagisa and Rei don't know about the curse. I…I would like to keep it that way for the moment."

He frowned.

"Are you sure?" he whispered back, inclining his head towards her.

"One big surprise at a time," she murmured and her smile was a little wry and a little sad.

"What about the sharks? Won't he wonder about that?" he pressed.

Her mouth twisted as she thought, glancing back at the boat. She hummed before looking back at him. Another wry smile sat on her mouth.

"Probably not," she answered. "He might just think of it as an exciting occurrence. We have swum with sharks before, so..."

"What do you mean you've swum with sharks before?" Sousuke cut in.

"It's no big deal," she insisted and she turned back to the boat. "We weren't by ourselves."

"That—you're a human."

Tohru began climbing the side of the boat. She tilted her head curiously before she slid over the rail. Pulling her goggles and black hood back, she leaned back over to flash them a puzzled look.

"What does that have to do with this?" she asked, leaning her elbows against the railing.

Sousuke leaned closer to the boat. "You live on land! You're prey!"

Her eyes flashed and she opened her mouth to retort before pausing. Again, her mouth twisted as she thought over what he said. A mildly irritated hum sounded from her throat.

"...you're not wrong," she grumbled before huffing, "but it's not like we swam with them when they were hunting or anything. We were careful."

Sousuke scowled.

"Even still, you could get hurt," Makoto said, hoping to disrupt the ire growing on his mate's face. "Promise us you won't anymore?"

Tohru winced.

"I...can't really make that promise," she confessed. She glanced behind her before sighing. "Y'see...I work at an aquarium and I work with sharks there. And I have to go into their tank to make sure that they're healthy."

He frowned, confused.

"An aquarium?" he echoed. The word sounded familiar, but he wasn't sure why. "What's that?"

She hesitated, looking conflicted. Again, she glanced behind her before she grimaced.

"It's, uh... It's a...a building and..." Her fingers rapped against the railing before she began tugging at them. "Well, we display fish and-and similar animals there. O-Of course, Churaumi—er, that is the aquarium I work at, has taken the turn to rehab center in recent years so m-most of our animals only stay until they recover, b-but we do have some permanent residents, l-like Jinta because he's half blind, but most are released once they've healed!"

For some reason, she looked distressed as she explained what an aquarium was. Though the rehab part didn't sound too bad, whatever that meant, he couldn't help focusing on one particular word.

"Display?" both he and Sousuke echoed.

"What do you mean by that?" Makoto pressed, feeling more and more concerned.

Her mouth twisted and her shoulders rose to her ears. She looked away from them, but before she could speak, Nagisa jumped up to her side.

"They're in tanks relative to their size so that people can admire them," he explained, looking remarkably serious. "We take great care in making sure our animals are comfortable and stress free and, besides, any animal that isn't in the rehab program was born in captivity and even then, it's only our really tiny fish."

Just like aquarium, the word tank sounded familiar and hearing that they kept fish in them made him shiver a little. What was the point of that? The fish had to be miserable, even if the tanks were big enough to fit them. Nothing could compare to the sea. Nothing could compare to seeing them in the sea.

A brief flash of Lady Miho's lecturing face filled his mind, a lecture from a while ago, back when they were children. Warnings about humans, warnings about humans called scientists with greed burning in their eyes and mysterious tanks to hold captured creatures and other horrors she hadn't said, but alluded to with meaningful glares and looks into the distance.

Tohru, however, had never looked upon them with greed. She had never tried or alluded to capturing them, had never wanted more than to just know. This had been the first time she even mentioned an aquarium or tanks and even then, even now, she looked worried...worried about their response.

Despite himself, a smile lifted his cheeks. He should feel more wary, especially now with this new knowledge, but he couldn't find it in him to be. Not with how distraught Tohru looked and the seriousness on Nagisa's face.

"I may not agree with it. Fish belong in the sea," he began, considering his words, "but you seem sincere about the good that your aquarium does, so...I guess...it's okay?"

The glance towards Sousuke was instinctual, checking to see how his mate would react. He didn't appear upset, a carefully blank look on his face, but he was still scrutinizing the humans. It would be good to give him the space to consider his own opinion.

Makoto returned his gaze upwards. Thankfully, Tohru looked less upset and even she had a small smile on her face. His heart lurched when she leaned against the railing and reached over, her hand dangling downwards. Without much thought, he slid his fingers around hers.

"I don't much like having the animals in tanks myself," she confessed. "I much prefer seeing them in their natural environments, but...well, humans are arrogant and us scientists are trying to fix the damage caused by other humans. Sadly, that often requires tanks and aquariums to protect them. Especially the animals that have been injured beyond recovery."

"Like the one you mentioned?" he asked and her smile grew.

"Yes, like Jinta," she agreed. She gently bobbed their hands. "He has cataracts on his eyes and, though we removed most of them, he still has some issues seeing. He's been with us a while, so he at least knows the parameters of his tank so he doesn't get hurt. He's a good boy."

"...she says about a ten meter shark," Rin remarked from behind the two scientists.

Makoto tilted his head at that. From the way he said, that must be big. He wondered how big, though.

"He's closer to twelve, actually," Nagisa corrected, twisting to look behind him before quickly looking back at Tohru. "It is twelve, right?"

She nodded. "Mmhm. Last physical we did had him at twelve point twelve, which we thought was amusing. Samemaru is a little smaller at ten point seventy-five and Bei-Bei is eleven exactly, so they're all fully grown. Or, at least, as fully grown as they'll get in an aquarium."

Murmuring in understanding, Nagisa nodded.

Makoto was still horribly confused. A quick glance to his mate proved that he wasn't the only one confused.

Sousuke leaned his head close to his and, softly in mermish, whispered, "They're saying words and I have no idea what they mean."

"Don't be rude," Makoto scolded back, also in mermish. "...they're talking about sharks, I think."

"What do the numbers mean?"

He frowned thoughtfully. "...size, maybe?"

"Tohru, don't forget to take your gear off," Rin spoke up again, drawing their attention upwards.

"Oh, I forgot," Tohru murmured and her hand slipped from Makoto's. She disappeared from view.

Nagisa, however, stayed in sight. His attention was on his fellow humans.

"How do you forget? Your tank alone is like thirteen kilos."

"When I'm not moving too much, I don't notice. Besides, it's more like eleven," she answered and a few clunking noises followed. "I've lifted heavier. You've lifted heavier."

"Yeah, but it's not me wearing it, is it?"

"Am I going to have to give you another lecture on sexism? Do not test me, Matsuoka."

"Tohru can judo throw you, Rin-chan," Nagisa added with a grin. "Hell, she can judo throw Sei-chan. Twenty kilos of scuba gear is cake."

"They're saying numbers and words again," Sousuke grumbled.

Makoto nudged him before asking loudly, "What are meters and kilos?"

"Oh!" Tohru's face immediately popped up over the railing. "Meters are a human measure for length and kilos are a measure of weight."

"Yeah, and thirteen kilos is heavy," Rin chimed in.

She rolled her eyes before her face brightened. Quickly, she twisted around and something made faint clinking noises. When she turned around again, a big grin sat on her face.

"Tell me if this is heavy," she said before hefting her air tank over the side of the boat. She was careful to ease it down between him and Sousuke. "It's actually lighter at the moment, since it's not full anymore, but it does have a heft to it since I have a steel tank."

The tank was long, but still shorter than his arm. It was thin, too, or at least, thin enough that Makoto could grab it relatively easily with one hand. He still brought up his other hand to hold it, but as he passed it between his hands, bringing it a little into the water, he would hardly call it 'hefty'. Bringing it up out of the water again, he held it out one-handedly to Sousuke with a shrug.

Sousuke took it with a faint wrinkle of his nose. Still, he rolled the tank just like Makoto had, looking more and more confused. At least Makoto wasn't alone in his confusion. The tank wasn't all that heavy, barely heavy at all. Balancing the tank on one hand on one of its narrow ends, Sousuke lifted the tank back up to Tohru.

Both she and Nagisa were gaping at them. It took them a moment to even move, let alone take the offered tank. Nagisa was even mouthing words as Tohru pulled the tank closer to her, finally pulling it over the railing. Oddly enough, her cheeks were red.

"It's not that heavy," Sousuke remarked.

Makoto nodded. "It's not like it's a tuna or grouper."

"T-Those are significantly heavier!" Tohru squeaked. Her cheeks darkened.

"Exactly," Sousuke said. From his tone, Makoto knew he was lifting an incredulous eyebrow. "You weren't that heavy either."

Tohru began sputtering, her whole face an unhealthy shade of red. The noises she made almost sounded like the shrill cries of seagulls. She covered her face with her hands and sunk down behind the railing.

Nagisa lurched over the railing with wide eyes and grin. He dangled there and fluttered his hands before he could even speak.

"When did you pick up Tohru-chan!?" he exclaimed.

Makoto slapped Sousuke's hip fin before he could speak.

"She fell overboard one day and we helped her back onto the boat," he explained with a smile. "The water had been a little choppy that day."

"Tohru-chan, how clumsy!" Nagisa cackled.

Makoto smiled a little. He felt a little bad having to lie to them, but explaining how Tohru had almost died that day would be a feat. Besides, a promise was a promise, even a nonverbal one, and he wasn't going to break it just minutes after she asked.

Sousuke shifted next to him before he disappeared in his peripheral. A quick glance told him that his mate was swimming below the surface. At least he was staying nearby. He would really rather not look for his mate once they said goodbye to the humans.

A shadow covered the water. Makoto looked up to find Rin leaning over the railing where Tohru had been. He looked very serious.

"You broke Tohru," he accused before Makoto could open his mouth.

Makoto sputtered, feeling his eyes widen. How did he break her? What did Rin even mean by that?

A grin split across Rin's face, which made him look decidedly wicked. Or shark-like, really.

"Such guppies," he teased.

That made Makoto's cheeks warm.

"I don't know what you even mean with that!" he cried. He frowned. "And what do you mean I broke Tohru?"

"Sou-chan said she wasn't that heavy," Nagisa pointed out with his own wicked grin.

"Well, she wasn't," Makoto insisted.

A shrill noise followed his words. The two human men looked positively gleeful at the sound.

Makoto didn't share their glee. He was much more worried about Tohru. If Rin wasn’t leaning so close to the railing and Nagisa wasn’t leaning on it, he would pull himself up to make sure she was okay.

"Let's just say that Tohru doesn't often get that, eh, statement in regards to her weight from human men," Rin explained with shrug.

"And, by human standards, you and Sou-chan are very, very handsome," Nagisa added. "So hearing that she barely weighs a thing to you guys… Well…"

Both human men wiggled their eyebrows. For some reason, that made Makoto’s cheeks burn.

"Please, can we not talk about this?" Tohru begged abruptly from her hiding place. "Can't you guys focus on something else?"

"But they're super strong, Tohru-chan!" Nagisa laughed. "That's really fascinating, right? As far as I know, there are no myths about mermaids being super strong!"

"What about the myths about drowning sailors?" Rin asked.

Makoto frowned and flicked his tail in agitation. That was one of the few things he knew about humans, about how they feared merfolk because of tales such as that. The sirens were the ones at fault for those…for the most part.

"Oh, I guess that could be an example of super strength…" Nagisa amended with a hum. "Seeing as a lot sailors tend to be on the burly side…"

"Merfolk don't drown humans," Makoto spoke up. He couldn't help the sour expression from coming out. "It's against our code."

Nagisa's eyes widened while Rin grimaced.

Finally, Tohru peeked over the railing. Her cheeks were still red, but from what he could see of her face, she looked more composed. Seeing her eased the angry ball in his stomach.

"That makes sense," she murmured. "Otherwise you and Sousuke wouldn't have saved me and Rin."

"Then why do we have so many myths about mermaids drowning sailors?" Nagisa whined, flailing his hands.

Makoto couldn't help sinking into the water until his chin rested on the surface. The same reason they had all those myths was also the reason that Rin and Tohru were cursed. The same reason he didn't venture far into the depths alone.

"Sirens," Sousuke answered for him as he surfaced.

Rin's face contorted again, but Nagisa's eyes only seemed to get bigger. The smaller human leaned farther over the railing and only Rin's hand on his shoulder kept him from falling into Makoto and Sousuke.

Comparatively, Tohru remained mostly hidden by the side of the boat. Only the top part of her head was visible. Her eyebrows furrowed over her eyes when their gazes met.

"Sirens…" she echoed softly, lifting herself until her chin rested on the railing. “…what differentiates them from merfolk?"

"Appetite, mostly," Sousuke said. Water sloshed as he shrugged. "They're more…magical than we are. They…ugh, what is it again? Desires? They make desires seem real."

She hummed and leaned away from the railing. Her fingers ran over her lips as she took in this information.

Makoto wanted to change the subject. Sirens had always bothered him, had always made him fear going out alone. They were vicious and coldhearted and cared little for who or what they seduced. And worst of all, it was because of a siren that Rin and Tohru were cursed. He swung his tail in agitation, slipping under the water to lap the boat a couple times. Bubbles spiraled around him and danced in the sunlight and the shadow of the boat.

Once he had calmed down, once he no longer felt like fear was going to choke him, a tug of guilt had him return to his mate's side. How rude of him to disappear like that. The humans wouldn’t understand, even if Tohru was very accommodating with their quirks.

When he resurfaced, Tohru was conversing softly with Sousuke and both of her friends were gone. That guilt shot through his chest. He hoped he hadn’t offended Rin or Nagisa. Sirens just…made him uncomfortable.

"How are you feeling? Are you okay?" she was asking, tentatively reaching out to him.

Sousuke brushed his fingers against hers, letting her stroke his knuckles. He tilted his head a little.

"…I'll be all right," he confessed and both she and Makoto huffed.

The noise drew her attention to Sousuke’s right. She jumped a little, but happiness decorated her face rather than surprise.

"Oh! Makoto-san!" A smile bloomed on her face before it was again replaced by worry. "Are you okay? We're not overwhelming both of you, are we?"

He managed a small smile.

"I'm fine," he said before assenting at her pout and Sousuke's nudge. "Sirens are…a bit of a phobia of mine. They…someone close to me…"

Tohru offered her other hand to him immediately.

"You don't have to explain," she said when he took her hand. "I'm sorry that we brought up bad memories. I'm sorry to both of you."

"Why?" he asked. He rocked their hands. "What could you be sorry about?"

Her smile reeked of regret. His heart ached at the sight.

"That you got involved with us," she admitted, albeit quietly.

"I'd probably do it again," he countered and felt his cheeks warm at her surprised face. "Uh, I, that is…"

Her next smile glowed. It took him a moment to remember how to speak or what to speak or who he was. His tail stilled for a moment and he went under, surging back up a second later. His cheeks felt like his skin was boiling.

Sousuke snorted.

Tohru's smile became giggles.

"Are you okay?" she asked again.

"I, uh, yeah, I'm all right," he stuttered.

He swatted his mate's hip when he didn't stop snickering. He would bet that he too had been stunned for a moment by her smile. He just had the more embarrassing reaction.

Tohru laid her head on her crossed arms.

"Okay. I'll believe you," she said and he didn't think she really believed him. "…and let me know whenever you're uncomfortable. I know…I know I get caught up in…in the science and discovery of you guys and…I've made you uncomfortable before. Nope, don't try to say you weren't. I literally just ran my hands over you the first time we met."

Makoto couldn't argue with that, but the memory of her hands running along his arms no longer made him feel uncomfortable. Instead, his skin tingled at the memory, wanting more of that attention.

"All right. We'll let you know," Sousuke spoke for him. "Likewise."

She smiled at that.

"I don't think you've made me uncomfortable," she admitted.

"Not even the fiery comment?"

She laughed.

"Not even that."

"Mm. You're still pretty fiery."

"I'm still amazed you know what fire is."

Makoto smiled at their interaction, enjoying the teasing tone that Sousuke had adopted. Out of all the humans, he was probably most comfortable with Tohru, if only because she was just so willing to listen and learn. It made his heart soar that his mate was so comfortable around maybe his favorite human.

Just like before, a shadow fell over them. Just past Tohru was Rin, who cleared his throat loudly.

"As much as I enjoy your obvious flirting," here he ignored Tohru's attempts to contradict him, "we need to head back to land."

"Eh? But—!" Tohru began, twisting to look up at her friend.

Rin gave her a look.

"We didn't pack lunch or anything kind of food," he reasoned. "The only thing in the cooler is bottles of water and Pocari."

"It's…It's only been…" she trailed off, looking down with a frown. “…I don't know how long it's been."

"It takes about an hour or so to get out here and then you go down for about an hour," he explained counting on his fingers. "And we left at nine this morning, rather than eight because Nagisa and Rei are still jetlagged. So it's almost noon now."

"An hour did not pass from us just talking!" she argued, but her cheeks reddened all the same.

Rin raised an eyebrow and held up some kind of rectangle. There were symbols on the screen and Makoto thought they might be numbers. He had seen something before in some of the shipwrecks he and Haru had explored in their youth, but written language was a mystery to him. Haru probably would know what they meant.

Whatever the symbols meant, they made Tohru gasp.

"Say goodbye to your guppies and go get changed," Rin instructed.

Tohru floundered for words. She didn’t move.

"I-I don't need to get changed!"

Her friend crossed his arms. He honestly looked a little like a father in that moment. For a long moment, neither moved.

She pouted and looked between him and Makoto. She looked torn.

"Okay, fine," she relented after a moment of silence. "But I'll say goodbye after I change."

She stood and stalked down the boat. A door slammed and the music stuttered. Her other friends made confused and worried comments at that.

Rin clicked his tongue. He watched her for a moment before turning back to them.

Makoto straightened at his sharp look. He immediately began planning out an apology and explanation for everything he had done since meeting the humans.

"Okay," the human man began, kneeling down next to the railing. "Just what are your intentions with Tohru?"

That…hadn’t been what he was expecting.

"Eh?"

"You guys flirt with her, but you two are obviously together," Rin explained, pointing between them. His eyes narrowed. "I don't know about merfolk, but humans tend to be monogamous. So what's your intention?"

Makoto shared a look with Sousuke. His mate raised his eyebrows before looking back towards Rin. He followed suit, feeling an odd mix of emotions.

"Is Tohru your mate?" Sousuke asked. "We don't mean to intrude if—”

He stopped abruptly.

Rin's face had become alarmingly red after his question. His mouth opened and closed for a minute or two, but no sound came out. Quickly, he shook his head.

"Agh, no way!" he hissed. "She's like my sister! I'm asking because of-of brotherly worry! Not because we're dating!"

A surprising amount of relief flooded Makoto's body. So Tohru wasn't in a relationship with Rin.

"We, uh, that is, merfolk are open to many forms of relationships," Makoto explained. His tail swished faster. "Many have multiple mates and some only have one. And. Uh. That is, I-I didn't mean, um, well, a-a-about us f-flirting."

He really didn't know where he was going with this. He hadn’t thought he had been flirting with Tohru. He hadn’t thought either he or Sousuke had been flirting with Tohru. All he knew was that he was disproportionately happy that Rin and Tohru were not mates. He covered his face to hide the incoming panicked whine.

Rin hummed incredulously.

Sousuke brushed his shoulder as he moved closer. His fingers ghosted over his side.

"It's way too early for us—.” Sousuke's mouth snapped closed with an audible click of teeth.

"Why does Makoto-san look so uncomfortable? And why is Sousuke so serious? Rin, what did you do?"

Makoto whipped his head up to see Tohru standing next to Rin. Her fists were on her hips and she was wearing those softer clothes again. Unlike her wetsuit, they covered up her curves and made her look almost a little formless, but she looked incredibly soft. Like a seal or a dugong. He wanted to hug her.

Rin grimaced before turning to look up at her. Her eyes narrowed at what no doubt was an attempt at a placating grin.

"Don't worry about," he said with a blasé flip of his hand. "Just something between us guys."

He shot a quick, threatening glare at them.

Tohru crossed her arms and frowned down at him.

"Uh-huh..." she said slowly. “Just you guys, huh?"

"Yeah, so, don't worry about it."

She hummed and it was a very similar sound to Rin's own incredulous hum. Her gaze switched from her friend to Makoto and Sousuke, the former of which jumped at the attention.

He could feel the heat of his blush increase at her staring and his traitorous heart skipped a beat or two. Sousuke cleared his throat nervously. They ended up holding hands because for some reason her quiet stare was both intimidating and attractive.

She sighed.

"All right. Fine," she admitted. She ruffled her hair. "Well, let me say goodbye so we can head back for lunch. But! Next time, we're bringing lunch!"

"You're the boss," Rin chirped. He flicked his fingers from his forehead outwards at Makoto. "See you guppies later!"

"We-We're not guppies!" Makoto cried, but the human man was already gone.

Tohru had wrinkled her nose at her friend before sighing again. Her smile was lopsided when she turned back to them. Again, she knelt by the railing and leaned over it towards them.

"I guess I'll see you later?" she said, but it sounded more like a question.

Her eyes darted between them.

"Of course," Makoto said.

He smiled despite his hot cheeks.

"Just...stay safe," Sousuke added. "We've...become a bit attached to you."

Tohru's smile grew. Her cheeks became rosy and she giggled.

"I'll do my best," she answered. "I'll keep an eye out for Rin too. And...I've become a bit attached to you guys, too."

Her words and her accompanying soft smile made Makoto's heart dance. His mouth felt a little dry, which was such an odd concept, and Sousuke's words from earlier flashed through his mind.

He didn't fall that easily...did he?