#anyways this has been an existential crisis thanks for coming to my ted talk

[evadingreallife]

*goes off to die in a trench on a hill that says "too sarcastic to cope. irony abounds. satire will be had.*

[nyam]

HEY SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE NEW EPISODE YEAH??

I’m just - 

GOSH. From even before S&S Reigen was surrounded by the talk of swindlers and smooth talkers (and boy do you realize how much he’s picked off from them, that atmosphere reminding you of his exact mannerisms and speech patterns.) You’d think after that it was just his job that was like this but instead even his social life is suffocating with little true relationships; in that bar, where after hesitating and putting a piece of himself out there any light of genuity is smothered out with meaningless talk just trying to sell him something. 

It’s heartbreaking, but it wasn’t just his birthday that this stuff happens. It’s non-stop, day in, day out, in every month of every single year. Can you imagine that? 

Not just the absence of friends - the fact that every social interaction he’s ever had has been entirely defined by plastic smiles and performative conversations with only the relationship of a buyer or seller in mind. There’s no real connection to a single person aside from his mother as even Mob was originally just a ticket towards better business. 

How much he just might need that kind of connection anyways became so clear here:

This entire scene with him alone in his room, with no one to act or perform for (be it as a glorified salesman or an all-knowing psychic mentor) was markedly quiet. Reigen himself barely murmured only a few words. And look at him!

Look at that genuine goof smile the second he thought someone had actually reached out to him! Dude needs people in his life.

And it makes you so sad that thinking that this is who he’s reduced to without any genuine human interaction. Isolated. Alone. When you strip away all the pazazz, all the charm and wit that’s all for show and you chip and crack away until you find Reigen at his core...

...you find there’s nothing really left. And he is terrified of that.

(AKA why he was having an existential crisis on his birthday, thank you for coming to my TED talk)

[signofthetimes2020]

existentialism with m - 5/3

I wrote this like last week but I forgot to post it so here it is lol

okay so I just finished reading part 1 of Fahrenheit 451 and its making me spiral into an actual existential crisis so ima try and put it into words how I feel

DISCLAIMER: SPOILERS AHEAD

Okay so Beatley gives Montag a whole speech about how books are bad, technology is good and blah blah philosophy makes us sad which is why when we get rid of these things that make you think then you’ll be happier but then it got me thinking; would it truly make us happier? And I was like well the obvious answer is “no” we wouldn’t be happier, why? Thats when my brain broke. I literally cannot decide whether or not we would be happier because on one hand, thinking allows you to…think (whatever) but then when you get rid of the things that make you think, then theres nothing to worry about but like once I was seriously considering that Beatley was right I thought but WHY THOUGH????? because with the way he puts it, Beatley makes it seem like happiness is a set emotion that EVERYONE feels and is the exact same feeling for everyone but its not and then it got me thinking what even if happiness? Have I ever felt true happiness? Of course I have, but what if I havent? Happiness isn’t something you can describe, the same thing goes for love and sadness and anger like how do you describe those feelings and emotions without having to give an example or use a metaphor or be really vague and cryptic about it like???? What if Beatley is truly right and that if we just burned everything that made us think too much and made us sad then we’d be able to truly feel happiness? But then at the same time I love reading books but I’ve cried and felt actual pain alongside the characters in some books but at the end of the day they are just characters… people that don’t even exist… people that were created thanks to another person’s imagination… Have I ever felt happiness? What even is happiness? Why does the world focus so much on the things that we can never explain because it just makes us frustrated and angry and those don’t make us happy. If life is all about being happy, why aren’t I happy? Why am I not jumping for joy at every given moment? Who gave us emotions and feelings? What being made us sentient? Or hell, WHO made us sentient? For what reason? To feel alive? what does it even mean to feel alive? It’s not being dead certainly, but what comes after death? what if it’s better than being alive? What if life is meaningless and pointless because everyday some one dies yet some one is also born but for what? What is our purpose? Why do we even exist? Theres no meaning to anything we do because it just an escape, literally everything we do is mindless, whether that be for pleasure or for whatever else like theres no right or wrong to doing anything if you think about it. Why is swearing bad? It’s just words anyway. Why do we have morals? Who created morals? Why do we have laws and rules? They were created by a government that doesn’t even represent us accurately anymore so why even bother? I could straight up walk up to someone and call them a derogatory slur and it would hurt them but obviously I wouldn’t because thats bad BUT WHY BUT WHY IS IT BAD WHY

thanks for coming to my ted talk

Edit; so it’s been a week since I wrote this so ima put future m’s thoughts here.

So, since we did our ZOOM meeting, I realized that no, we would not be happy even if we got rid of all the things that made us unhappy because then even if we do get rid of these things, how could we even tell if we’re happy if we have no other emotions to base it on? Being sad and being angry sucks and sometimes I want to just be happy all the time so I don’t have to worry about a mindless cycle of when am I going to be happy again, but we need these other emotions because then when we encounter something or we experience more things throughout life, then we can distinguish between our emotions. Like, for example, when I’m walking down the street and I see a dog, I know I feel happiness because I’m able to distinguish in my brain that the emotion I’m feeling is happiness and not anger or sadness. I don’t exactly know how to explain this but it makes sense right? so yeah, Beatley you’re a hypocrite and youre wrong so HA

as for the other stuff... we don’t talk about it

okay thanks for joining me in my existentialism :)

[dapandaperson]

looking for purpose?

(my tired ramblings. Don't read if you don't like essays)

If you read anything on this I want you to read this right here:

just so every one who sees this knows: you matter. You are valid, and your life has meaning.

Now thanks for coming to my TED talk. In this essay... 😂

Having existential crisis seems weird to me. "do I actually exist?" "will I be remembered in a hundred years? If I'm not remembered why does anything I do matter?"

For the first question yes, yes you are here. Why does the memory of you "in a hundred years" matter so much? We won't be alive in a hundred years. So what? We live in the now. What you do now matters for the present time. To your family, to your friends, and even to random people you interact with. If you want what you do to matter in a hundred years, plant some trees... Maybe they'll still be there idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. (wait, that's not in reference to the Mr Beast thing, what he's doing is really cool and all.) If you want to do something that matters now then show a little kindness to people.

Yep. That's it. You feel you need a purpose in this massive world? Put a smile on someone's face, have a conversation, make their day. Boom, you did it. Why?

Because we all want to feel like we're valid, that we're worth something. And if we spread kindness to someone else, that lets them know they are worth it, that are worth something. And in turn it just fufiled your chosen purpose, letting you know you also have a worth and made an impact. There. That's my solution.

So to put myself in this: I'm an introvert, talking to people can be draining. (and on the phone, sometimes anxiety inducing) but I like being polite and kind to people I meet. Mostly because I can't stand when people are rude or cruel on purpose. It's easy to be a polite person. It's a little harder to be a kind one.

But, a good example of being kind:

in an Uber or taxi you could ask the simple question of "how are you today?" Or "How's your day been so far? Been busy? Oh that's great! Not too boring."Or "Oh no not to many fares? Well I hope they pick up for you"... etc.

It takes the focus off of you. You are showing someone they matter. Sometimes I've had some interesting conversations in an Uber or taxi, learning about them, that this supports their college fees, or supports a family they have. That they immagrated years ago from another place... It gives someone else freedom in the somewhat anonymity (as they don't entirely know you) and shows someone feels hat they as a person are worth listening to.

Now some may be weirded out by this question, not wanting to talk. You can shut down the conversation, it's ok some of us don't like to talk all the time. But when you leave after giving the fare, If you tell them something like "I hope you have a good day" Or "Thanks, and have a good one." it shows a little kindness. It shows that even if it became a little awkward they still matter and still deserve to be wished a nice day.

I don't know why I am saying these things,

I'm just writing in the notes of my phone. Maybe I'll post to some social media platform later (probably Tumblr 😂)

I just feel in this crazy chaotic world, showing kindness gives you a purpose. People want to know who they are and their purpose in life in the grand scheme of things.

Ultimately I don't think we need to know a "big picture".

In reality, yeah, we're very small beings in this universe, but we can positively affect the other small beings right next door. You know, the ones called neighbors? (this is sometimes me too)

That you've maybe only talked to a couple times, and now it just seems awkward to try.

Sometimes I think the fear of being "awkward" and "cringe" rules and runs our lives. Life is short. Most people are just as afraid of being awkward as you. That or they have no shame, so it doesn't matter anyway. 😅

I could also go on a spiel about giving food to homeless and donating time or money to soup kitchens, but when you think about kindness as a purpose in life, that should be considered a given, don't you think? Also sometimes when you're starting off trying a new aspiration or purpose, baby steps are needed. And this might be a bit too much to ask at first. And sometimes time and or money are things we have less of these days. Just maybe if you have a sandwich and pack of doritos for lunch, maybe give the chips to the guy sitting out there homeless looking for food? I know it's a stretch, so this part may not be for everyone.

If you're thinking "does anyone care about me?" I can bet someone else right now is thinking the very same thing and wanting a little kindness shown to them as well.

I think in some places it's gotten to a point if someone shows kindness people assume they're wanting something or that they're not genuine. So, in turn people stop trying, and then the world becomes even more negative and it becomes even harder to be a kind person. If someone wants a purpose in life, start with a little kindness.

The world can be a kinda crappy place, maybe we can make it less so. 👍🏼💜

“Kindness and politeness are not overrated at all. They’re underused.” – Tommy Lee Jones

"There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind." Mr. Rodgers

"If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, then you’re a badass with a heart of an angel." -Keanu Reeves

“I’ve been searching for ways to heal myself, and I’ve found that kindness is the best way.” -Lady Gaga

"We get so wrapped up in numbers in our society. The most important thing is that we are able to be one-to-one, you and I with each other at the moment. If we can be present to the moment with the person that we happen to be with, that's what's important."- Mr. Rodgers

"be kind to one another" -Ellen

(I used Mr Rodgers twice because they were both good and he's that much of an inspiration) 😅