#anyways they’re gonna get a bigger house sometime this week hopefully

[galacticnova3]

I have pet isopods now

[jessbakescakes]

the recent prompt list - 40 with j/d please!!! what you said when you met my parents!!!

40) Things you said when you met my parents from this post.

Okay, I got this prompt about four different times (that's a good thing, you all have great taste and I love it), so consider this my response to all of them. I did a little twist on it, so I hope you enjoy it. Post-series J/D on this one with bonus Mama Lyman.

Yup, you read that right. Post-series. You'll see.

Thanksgiving 2006

“I probably should have brought wine,” Donna muses, taking a right turn into the quiet retirement community subdivision where Josh’s mom lives. “We should have stopped at the store.”

Josh laughs. “You know she doesn’t care about that.”

“She may not, but I do,” Donna counters. “It’s rude to show up without a gift when you’re a guest in someone’s home. We’re looking for number 683, right?”

“Yes. Red shutters. You’ve been here before,” Josh reminds her. “You’ve been here before, and you’ve met her before.”

“Not as your girlfriend, I haven’t.”

He reaches over and takes her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “I promise you, she’s going to be thrilled.”

Donna looks at him, wide-eyed, for a split second before turning her gaze back to the road. “She doesn’t know I’m coming?”

“I wanted to keep it a surprise!” Josh argues. He’s not sure that this is the best strategy, showing up with Donna for Thanksgiving without a word of warning, but he’ll be the one who’s under the microscope, not her. In Rachel Lyman’s eyes, Donna Moss can do no wrong. As soon as they’re alone, Josh’s mom will give him the third degree about marriage and babies, when he plans to propose and why it took him so long. He’ll obfuscate a little, lower her expectations, maybe throw his mom a bone toward the end of the conversation just before Donna finishes.

And maybe, just maybe, he’ll ask his mom to find his grandmother’s engagement ring at some point before they leave.

Donna turns into the driveway and turns the car off, turning to look at Josh before they step out of the car to grab their things. “Are you sure…”

Josh almost lets her finish, but gives her hand, still intertwined with his, a gentle squeeze. “I’m positive. It’s gonna be fine.”

She gives him a half-smile and lets out a long exhale. “Okay.” Donna opens the door and walks around to the trunk of the car to grab her bags.

Before Josh can make his way back there with her, the front door to the house opens, and his mother steps outside. “You’re here!” Rachel says, making a beeline toward her son and pulling him into a hug. “I just saw on the news that there was heavy traffic, I assumed you’d be stuck in that for a little while.”

“We managed to avoid too much traffic,” Josh says. “I think we got on the road right before it got too bad.”

Rachel pulls away from Josh, leaving a hand clasped on either one of his arms. “We?” she asks, her eyebrows raised. She looks around Josh toward the back of the car and gasps. “Donna!” Rachel lets go of Josh and darts toward where Donna is standing. “What a wonderful surprise!”

“It’s so good to see you,” Donna says, returning Rachel’s enthusiastic hug. “Thank you so much for having us.”

“Oh, of course, it’s no trouble at all,” Rachel says. “This is the first time I’ve seen you since you changed your hair! You look fantastic, sweetheart.”

Donna beams, her cheeks flushing pink as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ears. “Thank you.”

Rachel grabs Donna by the arm, leading her toward the front door. “Are you hungry? I’ve got some cookies out on the coffee table for you, so hopefully, that will hold you over until dinner.”

“That sounds great,” Donna says, allowing Rachel to pull her into the house.

“Joshua, hurry in with the bags, we don’t want bugs in the house,” Rachel calls over her shoulder.

Josh grabs the luggage and brings it inside, shutting the door behind him as Rachel and Donna walk into the living room. He places their bags in the guest room, then stands back and watches as his mom leans toward Donna and whispers, almost conspiratorially, before Donna takes a seat on the couch. Whatever she says before she heads to the kitchen elicits a laugh out of Donna, along with Donna’s first genuine smile since they left their apartment early that morning.

Josh walks into the living room and takes a seat on the couch, reaching for Donna’s hand as he settles in. “What’s she doing?”

“Grabbing us some coffee,” Donna says.

Rachel walks into the living room, a mug of coffee in each hand, and places them on the coffee table in front of Donna and Josh. “Josh, if you need any more cream or sugar, you’ll have to…” Rachel stops for a moment, looking at their intertwined hands and then back up at Josh.

“Mom,” Josh starts. “Don’t get…”

“Finally!” Rachel interjects, her tone exasperated but the grin on her face revealing her true feelings about the situation. “Took you two long enough.” She takes a seat in the chair adjacent to the couch, reaching for a mug of tea sitting on an end table to her right.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Josh laughs.

Rachel shrugs. “The rest of us have just been waiting for you to catch up for years.”

Josh pauses for a moment. The rest of us? Who is 'the rest of us'? Before he can ask her this question, his mother is already on an entirely different train of thought. “Donna, I think I remember how you take your coffee, but if you need anything else for it, feel free to grab whatever you want. That goes for everything, towels, blankets, plates, silverware… Josh, show her where everything is tonight before you two turn in, would you?”

“Okay,” Josh agrees, still trying to process the ease with which his mother has accepted this big change.

“Oh, also, Donna, I actually meant to show you something. It’s this tea set I found at an estate sale,” Rachel says. “Well, it’s not a set, really, just a teapot and two teacups. They were just so pretty, and I thought of you when I saw them. I’ll go get them.” She stands up from her chair and disappears down the hallway.

Josh turns to Donna, whose smile has grown bigger and brighter than it was a few minutes ago. “I’m so sorry, she’s going to do that annoying thing where she tries to send you home with a teapot and teacups, and whatever else she saw and bought because she thought of you. Just remind her we flew here.”

“It’s okay,” Donna laughs. “I think it’s sweet. Makes me feel… I don’t know, like she likes including me. It’s nice.”

Rachel has been including Donna for years. That started sometime after Rosslyn, in the weeks they spent together at his place taking care of him. It happened after years of birthday gifts for both of them, mailed in the same package, with one shared note, always signed ‘Love, Mom’. It happened between their rushed thirty-minute coffee dates on the campaign trail (where they undoubtedly talked about Josh) and weekly phone calls and ‘I know you don’t celebrate Hanukkah but I thought of you anyway’ gifts to be followed by a round of Christmas gifts shortly thereafter. It’s been ages since she stopped considering Donna a guest and started considering her family.

There’s something that feels right about watching the two of them together - he’s seen them together at least a dozen times over the years, watched them bond during his recovery, but this time it feels different. Donna isn’t his just assistant anymore, she’s not simply his best friend. She never was only those things, if he’s being honest with himself. She’s always been so much more.

Now he gets where his mom was coming from.

“Well, I think you’re stuck with her now,” Josh teases.

“I’m okay with that,” Donna says softly.

[nawaazishein]

Thoughts on Sen Çal Kapımı bölüm 13: (Is it 13? I almost feel like Kerem because hatırlamıyorum.) My babies Serkan/Eda: I loved that they both finally confessed to their families and were pretty much like, “He/she is going to be part of my live and if you don’t accept it, byyyyyye.” as well as the “Sevgilim?” after. They had so many cute adorable scenes, from the “How are you real? Let’s elope.” to “I’ll be your breath whenever you want me to.” to “I already bought a house in Rome.” Special shoutout to the curtain commercial because we all know what happened that night 😏 , although they clowned us with that fragman again. What I didn’t like when I first watched it without subs was the jealousy and especially Serkan storming out after his argument with Eda. It was so unlike Serkan. However after watching with subs, I realized he wasn’t angry because he was jealous but because Eda didn’t believe he was serious about Italy. Him walking about still wasn’t a 100% Serkan but the supposed jealousy didn’t create as much of a problem as I initially thought it would. Hopefully they keep it that way. I hated the whole jealousy thing in EK and could do without here, tbh. Eda/the firm: So Eda doesn’t even have a bachelor’s degree? I’m sorry but even if she was about to finish her Master’s, her “rank” in the firm would be very questionable but with her not even having her undergrad, it’s so far-fetched. To a point, Serkan gave her those projects because he was taken with her, yes, but early robot!Serkan wouldn’t have let that interfere with his work to that extent. No distinguished architect with a firm worth millions would EVER give work this important to a student still working on her undergrad. I guess this is just one of the many architecture-related things I’ll have to accept for the sake of creative liberty and story telling. Serkan/Selin: I honestly wasn’t mad about their scenes. While she has done some shady shit, I think they might veeeeery slowly get back to a place of friendship, and I’d love that for the both of them. Serkan could use her support in work-related issues as well as what’s going to happen in his personal life. Serkan/Leyla: We got some more info about their relationship and it honestly made me tear up. He paid for her operation, her sister’s education and constantly checked on her during that time. Serkan Bolat has such a tender heart, it continues to surprise and amaze me. He said that Eda made him a better person but I’m gonna be the cheeseball that says he’s always been a really good person, he just kept it a secret. Same with his donation to the orphanage. Ask me again why I am so soft for this boy and I’ll give you a 30 pages long essay! Ferit: Can my dude just shut up for once? Why does he wear his heart on his sleeve and literally tell anyone everything?! Efe: He said he was made to buy the shares by someone – grandma? Ayfer/Aydan: Listen, I have been defending them both for the longest time. They’re both very protective of their children and they both only try to keep them from the heartbreak they know lies ahead. They’re not wrong in that and I understand their intentions... buhuuuut they’re overdoing it a little. I’m not saying “Overprotective mothers are so not 2020” like a lot of people on twitter because that’s bs imo, but the two of them could definitely reel it back in a little. Melo/Selin: Oh Melo, I love her so much! She’s so soft and I wanna wrap her in a hug and never let go. Selin almost doesn’t deserve Melo being so nice to her because of Eda’s backstory with her, but then again I love how Melo doesn’t let that cloud her judgement and gives her the support she needs. Melo is the best. I said what I said. Editing: The editing felt kinda sloppy, ngl, especially the end. From Serkan to just leaving Eda like that, which again was unlike him, to the random jump to their first night – although I loved the fact that we know they had their first night - to Alptekin spilling the beans... it felt pieced together. However, I suppose it was the best they could do considering the shooting and working conditions during the week they shot it. The last scene: Oh, the goddamn last scene that ripped my heart out, stomped on it, ran it over with a truck and then threw it in the trash. So, on the one hand I understand that Alptekin told Serkan in an attempt to salvage whatever is left of their father/son relationship by being honest with him. He didn’t want to hide this very important piece of information from him when it concerned what, or more like who has become the most important part of his life in such a short amount of time, I get that and to a point I agree with it. Honesty has to be a given in any family or relationship. On the other hand I’m like, why now? He didn’t really get involved in anything regarding his son’s life in the last 19 years, so why now? Alptekin had “no issue” hiding this secret from the world for so long and the likelihood of it coming out now just because Serkan is in a relationship with Eda is questionable, so why? He claims he wants the best for Serkan but there’s also some selfishness in involved in telling him. Alptekin wants to unburden himself from this ugly truth he’s been hiding, to get it off his chest because with Eda around it’s to much for him now. It was ok for 19 years but now it’s too much. As a result, his son now has to carry it around with him. He was allowed to be happy for all of two days and and now this weight is so much bigger than the weight that had seemingly been lifted off his chest by confessing to Eda. I know he’s going to blame himself for this somehow and distance himself from her, and I am already in pain just from thinking about how that is going to play out. With Eda saying, “Sometimes love isn’t enough” we’ve gotten some very obvious foreshadowing and I think that he will convince himself that he and his family are no good for her and no matter how much he loves her, it’s not enough to make up for that. God, it actually really hurts to just think about that. (Also, with the amount of times we’ve heard “I can’t live without you,” I’m speculating about what Serkan’s state will look like after the separation. Shots are on me if I hear something along the lines of, “Ever since Eda/you left, he’s stopped living. He is alive but he is not living his life at all.” after their separation.) Anyway, lastly I’m going to say that it felt like Kerem didn’t know what to do with his hands during this scene but I think it was probably just to show how Serkan doesn’t fully comprehend what just happened yet or how to react to this information AT ALL. The “rest” of Kerem’s acting in this scene, the small nuiances from realizing to absolute horror and then devastation killed me. Chapeau for that, Kerem Bey!

[gaylotusthatexists]

eyeshadow and flags

pairing: platonic creativitwins

summary: As much as they want to keep everything a secret, Roman realises they can’t hide from their brother forever.

trigger warnings: implied transphobia, unaccepting parents, slight misgendering, sympathetic remus

word count: 1515

a/n: aaaa ok i’m a day late bc reasons but! day four of pride prompts! today’s (well, yesterday’s) prompt was ‘flag’. and, as it was also roman’s birthday yesterday, this doubles as a roman birthday fic. hope y’all enjoy :)

ao3

Roman closed their door and let out a breath, sinking down to the floor. Guests were just beginning to leave - family members and family friends who'd come to celebrate their birthday, no one they were particularly interested in celebrating with but oh well. They'd be celebrating with their actual friends later in the week, sometime after school, although a couple had already given them their presents. Thinking that they'd be alone for a while longer, Roman scooted over to the other corner of their room and grabbed a few presents out of their school bag, leaning against their bed as they began to open them.

A photo album - that was sweet. As they flicked through the pages, they saw pictures of themself and their friends, in local parks and each other's bedrooms and at pride parades, all the fun times they'd had together. But their smile slowly faded, as they shut the book tight and hid it back in their school bag, knowing that if their parents found it and opened it and saw that they'd been to pride parades they'd have some questions, and they doubted that would go very well.

Then there was some necklaces and bracelets and makeup, all of which they couldn't wait to try out, but they'd have to wait a while first, perhaps at their next sleepover. And - oh, God, they'd been wanting that eyeshadow palette for ages, it must have cost their friend so much. They hummed. Perhaps a little eyeshadow wouldn't hurt, at the very least just to send a selfie to their friend who'd gifted them it. They heard the front door close - that would be their parents going out to get shopping, they always liked to go just before the shops closed. That meant Roman had, say, an hour, alone in the house. Humming, they began to apply some of the eyeshadow, just a simple red to start with, although they were very interested in experimenting some more some other time, and sent a quick photo to their friend.

And then the last present. Roman opened the wrapping, close to tears when they saw that their friend had given them - it was a flag, the nonbinary pride flag. They'd been so close to buying one of these at the last pride parade they'd went to but held themself back, for fear that their parents may find it. And, God, had their friend brought it all the way back then? Without Roman even realising?

They glanced around their room, considering whether there'd been a place they could hang it up. Probably best not to put it in plain view, anywhere where any of their family members may see it. That meant their options were either back in their bag, or perhaps somewhere their parents wouldn't look, like...

Nothing came to mind. Their mother tended to clean their room during the day whilst they were at school - without them even wanting her too, Roman would be quite happy cleaning on the weekend, but whenever they tried to tell her that she just said they were being 'ungrateful'. The safest places were their closet - their mother always let them put their own clothes away, at least, but it was a little risky - or, again, in their bag. Not feeling like taking the bigger risk, Roman decided to keep it in their bag, looking forward to being able to hang it up properly when they finally had a place of their alone.

"Roman!" a voice exclaimed, barging through the door and sliding onto their bed. "Roman, they're gone, do you wanna-"

"Remus," Roman hissed, trying their best to hide the flag still sitting in their lap, which was a little difficult to do - they ended up just wrapping the paper around it again, and slowly edging it towards their bag. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanna celebrate your birthday too! And now that the adults are gone we can- Oh!" Remus' eyes lit up with curiously. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at the terribly concealed flag in Roman's lap.

"Nothing," Roman spluttered, shoving it back into their bag. "Just a present from a friend."

"Was it a flag?" Remus guessed, moving closer to Roman. "What country was it? I don't recognise it-"

"It's not a country," Roman said, trying to make their voice sound not-so-shaky. "It's just some colours. Doesn't really mean anything."

Remus hummed.

Roman glared at him. "What?"

"I guess if you're not gonna tell me, I'll just have to look it up myself," he said, grinning. "What colours was it again - white, purple, was there a yellow in there?"

"Don't worry about it, Remus." Roman picked at their fingernails. "Seriously, it doesn't mean anything."

Remus seemed disappointed. But then a moment later, his eyes widened again. "Are you wearing eyeshadow?"

Roman blinked. "No?" Oh, wait, shit, they were, weren't they? "I mean, uh-"

"You totally are!" Remus hummed. "I didn't know guys could wear makeup. Can I try?"

Roman tried their best to not visibly cringe at Remus' statement, but figured they did anyway. Hopefully Remus wouldn't notice their discomfort, though - Remus wasn't exactly the most attentive.

Remus huffed. "Not letting me try? Rude."

"No, I-" Roman sighed. "Dad won't be too pleased about that. I should probably take it off anyway. Before they get back." They reached for their makeup wipes (also hidden in their bag) and began to take the eyeshadow off.

Remus pouted. "Why would they care?"

Roman rolled their eyes.

"No, seriously, what's wrong with guys-"

"I'm not a guy," Roman snapped, immediately regretting it afterwards. Shit.

Remus blinked. "You're... not?"

Roman breathed in. "I- I mean-"

"Are you a girl?" Remus asked. "Is that why you're wearing makeup? It would be a little weird though if I just find out that this whole time my brother has actually been my sister-"

Roman cringed. Remus wouldn't understand this - his friends were all right dicks, and Roman was well aware of their parents views. Roman doubted Remus had ever even heard of transgender and nonbinary people existing, and if he had he probably thought it was nothing more than a joke or something weird or wrong. But Roman didn't know how to get themself out of this one. They could feel themself shaking. Possibly close to tears.

"Roman?" Remus said, hanging upside down off the bed close to Roman's face. "You okay?"

Roman breathed in. "Yeah. I-" They cleared their throat, trying to pretend that they weren't about to cry. "Can I, uh, talk to you, about something?"

Apparently sensing the seriousness now in Roman's tone, Remus rolled off the bed and went to sit cross legged next to Roman, the mischievous grin fading from his face. "Yeah, of course."

Roman looked up at the ceiling, wanting to look anywhere but Remus' eyes. "Promise me you won't make fun of me?"

Remus nodded. "Promise."

"Or tell our parents?"

Remus frowned, but nodded again. "Yeah, sure."

Roman breathed in. It was now or never, they supposed. Maybe Remus wouldn't be a jerk about it. And, if he was, at least Roman knew that they'd have to cut him out of their life as well. That was unlikely, but-

God. Thinking about it was just making them procrastinate even longer. Roman breathed in, again, then quickly and quietly said, "I'm nonbinary."

Silence. Roman expected that much.

"What's that?" Remus asked, genuine confusion in his voice. Yeah - Roman has expected that too.

"I'm... More specifically I'm agender," they clarified, although that did nothing to make Remus any less confused. "It- It basically means that..." They drummed their fingers on their leg. "I'm not a boy. Or a girl. I don't... have a gender."

After a few more moments of silence, in which Roman was sure Remus was about to shout at them, or punch them, or disown them, or something along those lines. None of that happened. Instead, Remus just asked, "How does that work?"

Roman shrugged. "I- I don't know. Gender's weird. I just- I don't really feel like a boy, or a girl." Remus didn't seem to understand, but he let Roman continue talking. "Sometimes when people call me a guy or use he/him pronouns it feels... icky. I don't know. Like, it doesn't feel like me. But then she/her isn't any better."

Remus hummed. "What... What would you prefer, then?" he asked. "If you don't like he or she."

Roman breathed out. Remus was being cool about it. That was a good sign. "I've been going by they/them with my friends."

Remus nodded. "Okay. That's cool." He looked down at the floor. "Are you just my... sibling, then?"

Roman nodded. They felt like they were going to cry again, but for entirely different reasons. "Yeah, yeah, that'd be good."

Remus grinned. "Well-" He leant his head in Roman's shoulder. "-you're still the best sibling in the world."

Alright, yes, Roman was definitely going to cry. "Thanks. For being so cool with this."

"You're my sibling," Remus said. "I'm never going to hate you, y'know. No matter what you are."

[latitudesunknown]

Tiny Haven Gazette #3

In which I drop the gazette format because it takes an ungodly amount of time and nobody cares. 🎉

My house gets a first floor, and coincidentally, my storage doubles, which is a relief. That should free me from spending 30mn every day desperately trying to figure out what to part with for at least a month.

So much space!

And now that it’s been upgraded, I get more customization options and can change the outside of my house!

¨🦄¨

By sheer dumb luck, I finally figure out how to get money trees!!!! I can’t believe it took me so long (although I’m very happy I never looked the answer up online). I should have known there was something up with the glowing golden hole that appeared whenever you dug up some money, that thing was clearly magic!

My pockets were full, so I had no choice but to bury back the money bag I’d just dug out, and this happened. Honestly considering how often I walk around with full pockets I’m astounded this didn’t happen sooner.

So now I have a little money tree orchard. Next experience: does the money tree give you MORE money if you plant a bigger money bag? Tried it this morning, will get an answer in a few days.

¨🦄¨

Raiiiiinbow!

That’s it. There’s no story to go with it, but it’s the first rainbow I’ve seen in the game!

¨🦄¨

I can’t stop thinking about that sweet little cow I saw on @astorytotellyourfriends​​ ‘s island last week, so I decide to build the last house in the hopes of finding her on an island and inviting her over. 

In the process, I realize I could have built myself a beach house all along.

Damnit!

To my horror, however, the very next morning, the house has been sold to a stranger!

Thankfully, my new neighbour, while not being Norma, is just as sweet.

I covet her living room SO BADLY. And also I kinda wanna eat her. Why would you design a rhinoceros to look like a cake?! She must get nightmares where people run after her, trying to bite off her strawberry horn.

¨🦄¨

Shortly after, and as a result of me ignoring him completely for a few days, Phebus FINALLY decides to leave the island.

I actually took a chance when I decided to talk to him, considering that’s the way he always looks.

“Good luck with the neighbours, their stories and their problems... you’re going to need a good dose of patience!”

That shouldn’t be a problem because, unlike you, I actually like people!

And because I like people, of course, joke’s on me, because I feel super sad to see him leave. 🙄

¨🦄¨

Following his departure, I start buying mystery island tickets like a crazy person, hoping to bump into Norma, but so far, no luck.

Why did I meet so many chickens?!

It’s the second day Phebus’s old house is on sale and I’m sure it’ll get sold to a random NPC any second now. The stress is intense!

¨🦄¨ 

I don’t know what’s up with them but everyone on the island keeps asking me if they should change their catchphrases! After the tenth time, I finally give in with Lili, assuming she’ll just come up with a new one on her own, but then am faced with a horrible screen that is asking ME to come up with something on the spot!

Have I mentioned how much I love it when she makes that face?

It took me ten minutes and some internet research to come up with this. This is too big of a responsibility!!

At least she was happy about it.

I’ve gone back to refusing to help the others, though. At least not until I can come up with proper catchphrases for them!

¨🦄¨

For the very first time, I get asked to play postman for my villagers. See, Nacer’s been bonding with Kali (no wonder, since they’re both jocks), but he was too shy to give him a present himself.

“Kali has helped me so much, I picked up a present for him. But I’m too shy to give it to him myself...”

Feeling like cupid, I hurry to Kali’s house. 👼🏹💘

“A frog costume! Oh la la!”

I have to admit that wasn’t the kind of gift I’d been expecting considering how much they both love sports, but ok!

“Did Kali say something about the gift?”

That was super cute, I hope I’ll get more requests like it!

¨🦄¨

In the span of one week I must have learnt about 20 new mimics, which, honestly, I find baffling. Most of them are just sliiiiight variations, it’s ridiculous. In the game I used to work on we ended up with about 50 expressions per character, but that was because they needed to express a wide range of emotions in very subtle ways. You don’t need that for cute island critters, especially when emoting is such a slow process in the first place!

¨🦄¨

Justine visits again one night, which gets everyone on the island talking.

“Since we have a visitor, I’ve baked some cakes. I hope she’ll like them...”

“I absolutely MUST tell her ‘hi’ before she leaves!”

“No, don’t mind me, you’ve got a visitor! Focus on being a good hostess!”

I like their reactions so much I spend more time speaking with my islanders than my visitors whenever I have one, haha.

Also, I love the smoke trails in the sky whenever a plane leaves. That small connection to a bigger world is very comforting.

¨🦄¨ 

Abraham, true to himself, is adorable.

“Good evening, sweets! Grum grom grom... My tummy also says good evening!”

🥰

Later we play to a little game with freakishly accurate results.

“Let’s play! Tell me your favourite color, and I will tell you what food you are.”

“You chose orange, which means you’re easy to live with, but you can also sometimes feel lonely.”

In the end, he said I was an onion. Layers, y’see.

¨🦄¨

I also finally figure out how to eavesdrop on people’s conversations, and get treated to many a story.

Lili : I just read my horoscope... You’re not gonna believe it! It’s sick!

Phebus : What am I supposed to not believe, exactly? The horoscope, or the fact that you managed to read it through? You know what, just tell me what it said, let’s get this over with.

Lili : Listen to this... “Your travels will bring good surprises.” Isn’t that sick?! Especially for me, because I love good surprises!

Phebus : Um... I guess? I mean, I don’t know. How did that make you sick? I’m confused.

Lili : Nah, just wait! After that, I went shopping, and it was the spring sales! Get that, I got a sweet little dress on sale! I was so happy I thought I was going to pass out!

Phebus : What?! Don’t kid with that! D’you need me to call for help?

Lili (totally ignoring him) : So anyway I put on my new dress and went for a walk. And that’s when it started raining big time, and I got drenched... Why didn’t my horoscope warn me about that?!

Phebus : I don’t know... have you tried reading the weather column instead?

¨🦄¨ 

I catch Vanessa and Maëlle talking about a movie they both watched... except they both remember it very differently...

Maëlle : Oh, Vanessa, thanks for lending me that movie, I loved it! The costumes were gorgeous... I want the leading lady’s straw hat!

Vanessa : And that chase in hydro planes! Pfiiiiiiiouuu, ppfffz, ka-BOUM! That was awesome sauce!

Maëlle : And that dress with golden trimmings that she wears at the picnic... that was fine art!

Vanessa : And what about the fight against the giant robot? When he punches a hole in the planet? Whazaam!

Maëlle : Yes! He really stole the scene with his diamond plates... It must have cost a fortune! ... ... Wait, did you say he punched a hole in a planet? Was that before or after the ball?

😂

¨🦄¨

Later, I find the same two talking about Maëlle’s insect infestation problem (probably caused by all the sweets she keeps in her house, just saying). When she asks me what I would do, I tell her I’d just move out, which gets me a VERY judgmental look from Vanessa.

“How do you manage to get rid of them?”

Vanessa’s solution, in the end, is for Maëlle to sell her house to “an insect-loving weirdo”. I wish I knew if that was a dig at Abraham or if it’s just a coincidence.

“Bah, that can’t be impossible. You just need a real weirdo who thinks insects aren’t so bad!”

¨🦄¨

Lili and Raymond get into a big argument about Lili’s cooking skills...

Raymond : By the way, Lili, I haven’t thanked you for lunch the other day! It was very good!

Lili : “Very good”? Seriously, don’t you have something even more corny? Nobody says that anymore! Don’t you mean it was delicious? Or maybe extremely refined? Or maybe super exquisite?

Raymond : Oh! You’re right, I’m sorry. Um, it was... delectable... succulent... A concentrate of sheer deliciousness!

Lili : And?

Raymond : And... every bite sent my taste buds into a transcendental ecstasy?

Lili : Oh! Is that a question or a statement, Raymond?

Raymond : A statement, of course! Pff... All that to describe a stupid sole meunière...

Lili : Don’t tell me you’ve just called my sole meunière, my mother’s own recipe!, “stupid”?!

I’m still amazed that they parted in good terms, I thought for sure Lili would keep on fuming

¨🦄¨

After trying to get my first residents to spruce up their apartments, with mitigating results...

I mean, the ball, jars and punching sack are all gifts of mine, so that’s cool he’s got them all out at the same time, but that’s still a sad little barren house.

I finally look it up online and discover their houses are actually not supposed to be like this at all! Turns out poor Nacer, Vanessa, Abraham, Renée and Lili are all stuck with generic houses because they got to my island too soon!

This is what Renée’s house should look like! 

So I’ve decided to try and gift them all their true houses’ furniture, little by little. I know they can’t change their wallpapers or floors, but hopefully if I get them the right couches, beds, etc, they’ll display them all. 🤞

[tardytothepardy]

In an unexpected turn of events, I have avoided the nefarious Talk Like a Pirate Day.

I actually get to play it tomorrow. How heinous. (in general i don’t like things that end up relabeling everything in the game and spend the rest of the time deciphering it. it’s just annoying for my sad sad brain.)

Today Dorothy finished her aspiration. Hooray. It is seven days until Kris’s birthday, which given how many days I can get through, around two occasionally three, I’ll hopefully has his birthday done by the end of the week. Hurrah. Then I can obsessively think about how nice it’ll be to have teens in the household. 

Or maybe it’s gonna be a whole new hell. Let’s find out together. 

I had Sans randomly go to Willow Springs to the Spencer-Kim-Lewis house to chat with Olivia. I tried to have him chat with her parents, and that’s when I found out that Vivian and Dennis died. I mean, it had to happen. I suppose that’s one reason why Olivia was moping around a little while ago. Huh. 

At any rate, I discovered something baffling about their house. Well, one thing. There are many odd choices that were made with that house, but I’m specifically talking about how high the toilet paper is in the bathrooms. 

You can’t reach that high if you’re on the toilet. Why is it so high. You can see Sans sitting there, and if he can manage to get some with his tiny short child arms, he’s probably gonna end up pulling down a huge chunk along with whatever he needed. It’s just weird. 

An out of the ordinary thing that Dorothy did today was skip school. It was 100% because I got a random number generator that determines what the kids are gonna do in school, and for her, it chose for her to go home early. And I mean, I didn’t choose that. Math did. Or computers. Or both. Idk. 

But what did she do with all that new free time? Not much, really. I mean, like I said above, she completed her aspiration, but I suppose she chatted a little bit with Kris? One of their socials were low, and so I had them talk.

I realized that despite the fact that they’re in the same house the majority of the time, the siblings barely interact. The game lists all of them as friends, but barely. I think if they all spent a little more time actively not talking to each other, it’d drop down to acquaintance. But it’s just like that sometimes, y’know? Just casually not talking to the people in your house even if they’re the only people you see on a regular basis? No? Just me? Okay. 

She also took some time to chat with her dad, which if I may remind you, is Patchy the Scarecrow. I think that would be nice. I mean, he’s always available, within the times of around 1pm and 5pm. Just in the garden. Can’t miss it, but you can avoid it. And that seems to be what Dorothy (and the rest of the kids) do, because they honestly have no business back there. It’s not like they can do anything in the garden anyway. which is dumb. but anyway. 

Tiffany got promoted again today, and actually managed to max out the painting skill, so if I do have her go on to pursue the Painter Extraordinaire aspiration, she’s just gonna fly through it. Except maybe at the parts where you have to make masterpieces. Can’t really control that, but so far she’s made 2. Maybe 3. One of them was a picture of a sad pug, which truly was a sight to behold. Y’know when you’re sad, and all you can draw is a picture of a sad pug? Me too. Gets me all the time. 

Grim made a little time for themself (again, I’m making that a thing until someone tells me it’s not okay) by upgrading the oven and disappointing themself time and again with their flower arrangements. It’s not their fault. They’re just... not good at it yet. They’ll get there. Hang on, reaper of souls. Maybe one day. Eventually they’re gonna have all the fucking time of the world to spend making a bunch of arrangements, so really you just gotta look at the bigger picture.

They also found a squeaky toy that they gave to none other than WD Gaster the cat (I mean they couldn’t give it to anyone else), and I think Gaster likes it. Probably in that way where someone gives you something and you use it for maybe a few weeks and then never look at it again, because he has a lot of squeaky toys. He is a prowler, so that’s why most likely. He’s bringing them home as a collection, not really as a toy. A squeaky toy connoisseur. 

That’s kinda it for now. Tomorrow will be a struggle: it’s a weekend. Maybe there’s gonna be more volunteering. Probably. I just can’t handle everyone crawling all over the house. It’s way bigger than it originally was, but it’s still too small for all these Sims. 

[the-quiet-winds]

We Don’t Need Anything or Anyone

in honor of the birthday of the amazing and beautiful aimie atkinson, have the super fluffy kat’s birthday oneshot @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts and i wrote like... 80 years ago.

jane had been considering katherine’s first birthday at jane’s house (hopefully first of many, she adds to herself) for quite some time, even before she flipped the page on the cat calendar hanging on the wall to May where, near the end of the month, “kat’s bday” was written in pink glitter gel pen with a tiny star next to it. after all, jane wants nothing more than for katherine to have the best possible day, a day just for her and nobody else, and so jane has a lot of planning to do.

she makes several phone calls and organizes everything weeks in advance, making sure everything is absolutely perfect.

the big day arrives very quickly. jane awakens early and silently makes her way downstairs, prepping kat’s special birthday breakfast, her favorite waffles, before heading back upstairs to rouse her.

“rise and shine birthday girl,” she whispers as she gently shakes kat’s shoulder and kisses her forehead.

katherine stirs with a quiet yawn, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she sits up. it takes her a second for her brain to catch up but once it does she brightens, grinning up at jane.

“morning!”

“morning, kat,” jane laughs softly. “is someone ready for a special birthday breakfast?”

the smell of the waffles hits kat out of nowhere, causing her mouth to water and stomach to growl. jane chuckles. “i’ll take that as a yes,” she says, offering katherine a hand out of bed. as they walk downstairs, jane puts an arm around katherine’s shoulders, tugging her close enough to kiss the top of her head.

katherine can’t keep the smile off her face. she leans in against jane and practically beams at her, not breaking away until they reach the kitchen. she sits down at the small table and looks over at the kitchen counter eagerly where jane is putting the final touches on the breakfast, before carrying the plate over.

“here you go, sweetheart,” she smiles, putting the breakfast down in front of katherine. she ruffles katherine’s hair affectionately before heading back over to the fridge. “you want a drink, love? tea? some juice?”

“tea would be nice, please” katherine implores. jane smiles brightly. not only was she going to be making tea anyway, but katherine was finally beginning to feel more confident in asking jane for things, even though she’d been living there for a while already.

“two teas, coming up,” she says brightly.

katherine is waiting somewhat patiently for jane to bring the drinks and sit with her, and it feels like an eternity before they’re together again, messy-haired and hungry, looking at each other expectantly. jane raises her mug. “to you, my love,” she says quietly yet clearly.

katherine’s heart floods with joy, both at jane’s words and all the loving tone of her voice. she raises her mug and clinks it gently against jane’s. then she digs into her breakfast.

“oh my god, you just make the best waffles,” she compliments after the first few bites. “like, everything you make is amazing but especially these.”

jane smiles affectionately. “made with extra love,” she comments, digging into her own breakfast. “after you’re done, head up to the shower, yeah? we have a busy day ahead.” there’s a mischievous glint in her eyes. “lots of fun stuff planned.”

katherine looks up instantly, excitement glinting in her eyes. “what kind of stuff?” she asks, before shoving a slightly too big mouthful of waffle into her mouth exuberantly.

“well, if I told you then that’d ruin the surprise, wouldn’t it?” jane laughs, taking a sip of her tea.

“can you at least give me a hint?” katherine persists, an expression of childlike enthusiasm on her face. “like, what kind of clothes should I wear? do i need to bring anything with me?”

jane pretends to think. “wear what you normally wear...all you need to bring is your perfect self...maybe your phone to take pictures.” she smiles in her own excitement. she wants this day to be perfect, for katherine. she deserves it after all she’s been through.

“okay,” katherine laughs. she finishes her breakfast and gulps down her tea as fast as possible, jumping to her feet when she’s done. “i’ll go and get ready then, i’ll be back in a minute.”

she takes the stairs two at a time, as if desperate not to waste a single second. she hadn’t been this excited for a birthday ever; birthdays hadn’t particularly been celebrated when she was growing up, and she hardly wanted to remember the ones at court. an image of her past life tries to force itself into her mind but she squashes it down as best she can. today wasn’t about the past, it was about the present, about the future she was getting to spend with her new friends. with jane, she smiles to herself.

jane watches her leave with a fond smile. she knows that katherine never had an easy go at life, and seeing her this excited always made jane happy as well.

it isn’t long after when both are dressed and ready to go. jane leads katherine to the car, and the drive starts with some of katherine’s favorite music. they pull into a parking lot and katherine immediately lights up at seeing the marquee: bowling.

Katherine turns to look at jane who gives her a grin.

“well, come on then,” she laughs. katherine doesn’t need telling twice, climbing out of the car and practically bouncing up and down with excitement. jane laughs as she gets out of the driver’s seat.

“don’t use up all your excitement here, we’ve still got plenty of things left after this.” she takes a moment to grab her handbag from the backseat before leading katherine in to the building.

they settle into the fifth lane, the whole alley fairly quiet except some of the old music coming through the speakers.

“they’re playing our song,” laughs jane.

katherine listens closely, and, indeed, they were playing ‘girls just want to have fun,’ instantly reminding kat of their first night

“that’s a good omen,” katherine smiles. “i think today’s gonna be a good day.”

“I know it’s gonna be a good day, love,” jane nudges her gently with her elbow. “now, change your shoes. as fabulous as your boots are I don’t think the staff here would be too happy with you wearing them to bowl.”

katherine sits down and begins to change her shoes. “are the others coming?” she asks brightly.

jane’s smile dims slightly. “i was planning on it being just us.” she pauses. “although i can’t promise there isn’t something planned for rehearsal tomorrow.”

katherine catches the slight change of jane’s expression. “i’m not disappointed or anything,” she says hastily. “i was just wondering.” her cheeks flush very slightly pink as she drops her gaze. “i like the other queens but i’m glad it’s just gonna be us today.” she looks back up, catching jane’s gaze. “don’t tell them I said that, though.”

jane smiles again, brighter this time. “i won’t, promise.”

colorful music plays as they start their game, jane losing absolutely terribly to the birthday girl. “guess this 21st entertainment isn’t for me,” she laughs after missing another set of pins.

“come on, you’re not doing that badly!” katherine tries to reassure her, but then she glances at the scoreboard. “oh.” she joins in the laughter as jane jokingly acts offended.

“come on then, your turn, Miss Bowling Expert,” jane grins. “show us how it’s meant to be done.”

katherine picks up the bowling ball, face frowned in an admittedly very adorable face of concentration. the ball knocks down all the pins and she turns to jane, with a beaming smile.

to nobody’s surprise, katherine wins the game by a huge margin.

jane pretends to be upset, but very quickly turns it around. “alright love, we’ve got other places to be today,” she says with a (very, very awkward) wiggle of her eyebrows. they return their shoes and head back to the car. “where are we going next?” katherine asks enthusiastically, hoping that jane will slip and give away the surprise.

“i don’t think so, missy,” jane fires back, reaching over and tapping katherine’s nose with the last word, “it’s all a surprise.”

katherine pouts dramatically but hops into the car with a laugh. the journey is reasonably short, although long enough for katherine to belt out Single Ladies by Beyoncé at the top of her voice when it starts playing over the car speakers. jane joins in when she knows the words and sometimes when she doesn’t, which makes katherine snort loudly with laughter. when the car pulls to a stop, katherine looks out of the front window eagerly, trying to spot the next stage of their adventure.

she is very surprised that, in all of her fun with the singing, she didn’t notice that they, literally, are in the middle of nowhere. jane is unfazed, a knowing look in her eyes, silently getting out of the car. katherine follows with haste. jane pulls a large flannel blanket and a basket out of the trunk and leads katherine a short ways to the cliff side, overhanging the sea. “i thought this would be a great place for a picnic,” she says. in the moment, katherine reflects, jane looks nearly majestic, looking out over the water, wind whipping through her hair.

katherine helps jane lay the blanket down and sits next to her, taking a moment to appreciate the sea view. jane starts taking some of the food out of the picnic basket and setting it down around them. in typical jane fashion, everything was homemade from the sandwiches to the chocolate brownies. in fact, katherine suspects that the only thing that wasn’t homemade was the pot of fruit, and even then jane had taken the time to cut the pieces into tiny flower shapes. jane smiles softly at her and hands her a plastic plate.

katherine’s smile is radiant, only growing bigger as she begins to eat. “okay seriously,” katherine says between bites, “where did you learn to cook? this is all amazing, like always.”

jane laughs at the statement but doesn’t answer, taking another nibble of her sandwich.

it isn’t long after when they’ve packed everything back up, enjoying the solitude of the spot. jane makes a surprised noise when katherine suddenly appears in her arms, holding her tight.

“thank you,” katherine mumbles into jane’s shoulder. jane wraps her arms around kat and smiles softly.

“don’t thank me yet, love, the day isn’t over yet!”

“not just for this,” katherine insists. “for everything. without all the things you’ve done for me, i really don’t know how i would have coped with everything.”

“i think, kat,” jane murmurs, “you’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.” she kisses the top of katherine’s head. “i’m just happy to be here for you.”

they sit there a while longer before katherine begins to shiver. “are you cold, sweetheart?” she feels katherine nod against her shoulder. “let’s move on, yeah?” jane goes to stand up but stops when she feels katherine’s arms tighten around her and hears her tiny whimper that means something along the lines of ‘not yet, please’.

they stay there for a few moments longer; jane adjusts them slightly so kat leans against her properly, trying to make her more comfortable and hopefully slightly warmer. one hand runs through katherine’s soft hair and katherine lets out a tiny, almost imperceptible contented sigh. eventually jane kisses her forehead and lightly pats her arm.

“come on, now, love. i don’t want you to freeze out here.”

katherine makes a quiet groan as they stand up, refusing to untuck from under jane’s arm the entire walk to the car. “where are we off to next?” katherine asks as she buckled her seatbelt.

“you keep asking and i’m gonna keep giving the same answer every time,” jane laughs. “patience, kat.”

this journey is even shorter, heading down to a small bay of parking spaces by the sea front. a travelling carnival had been set up by the pier, packed with fairground games, small portable rides, food vendors and people performing street entertainments. a sign declares that you could trade tickets won for prizes, another offers fortune telling and yet another advertises a list of bigger events that would be taking place later that week.

katherine’s face lights up as she practically drags jane to the entrance. they get matching green wristbands, worth unlimited rides and games. katherine immediately pulls jane to the fortune teller.

“greetings, ladies,” the woman greets. “i am the great mysteria, ask me what you wish to know!”

jane nudges katherine with her elbow and smiles.

“it’s your day, kat, you ask the question.”

Katherine pauses for a moment, trying to think of the perfect question to ask. she doesn’t necessarily believe that a fairground fortune teller would know what the future held for her, but she’s willing to make believe for a moment or two, just to get the full experience.

“what do you see for me over the next year?” she finally asks.

mysteria twists and turns her hands over the crystal ball in front of her. her eyes close as she begins her fortune. “you and your team will reach immense success,” she says cryptically. “you will experience sadness and loss, but someone will always be there to help.” she pauses again. “you will find this new family member in the most unexpected place.”

katherine’s heart starts to beat slightly faster and a small smile appears on her face. she hopes she knows who this ‘new family member’ would be already; she doesn’t want to push her luck or assume anything, but even though she hasn’t known jane for very long she already feels a bond with her. part of her bursts with joy at the thought of being able to call jane her family properly one day. Katherine thanks the fortune teller before looking back at jane, hoping to try and catch her reaction to the fortune teller’s words.

jane’s expression is unreadable. very neutral. something in katherine sinks slightly. is jane unhappy with the news?

jane, however, was processing the words of the fortune teller. she, too, had a feeling she would be the ‘new family member’, and she was terrified. what if she couldn’t be enough for katherine? what if she turned out to be a rubbish mum/big sister/aunt? she refused to let katherine down. especially after this information.

katherine’s enthusiasm is slightly dampened by the moment, and when they leave the fortune teller’s tent she’s quieter than before. still, her spirits increase when she sees a fairground game, the one where you have to knock over tin cans to win prizes, and she turns to jane. jane seems slightly disconnected, taking a couple of seconds to register that katherine was trying to get her attention.

“can we play that game?” katherine asks hopefully. jane blinks slightly before giving katherine a small smile.

“we can play whatever game you’d like, sweetheart. i keep telling you, it’s your day.”

katherine, it turns out, is very good at fairground games. tin cans, balloons, pins, and even plastic fish fall victim to her aim. it isn’t long before her arms are laden with tickets and prizes. jane, on the other hand, prefers the exhibits and performances, but her brain is still stuck on the fortune teller’s words.

katherine’s not stupid; she can tell something’s been up with jane since the fortune teller said what she did. she also doesn’t want to think about the implications of this, that jane might not have liked what she heard.  it wasn’t something she wanted to contemplate at any time, let alone her birthday. she hopes that if she keeps them busy, if she concentrated on playing games and winning prizes that her brain won’t have time to panic about Jane’s slight shift in concentration.

“i think i wanna redeem some of these tickets now,” katherine says, adjusting the bundle of little paper tickets and the number of objectively worthless but also kind of fun prizes she’d just won. a bottle of bubble-blowing liquid rolls out of her arms and onto the floor, and katherine struggles with picking it back up again, with everything else that she’s holding. “sorry, jane, could you grab that for me?” she asks. jane seems lost in her own world, staring vaguely into space, and katherine coughs. “jane?”

jane suddenly turns to her. “hm? oh, sorry love.” she picks up the bottle and puts it in her handbag. “you want to put some of your winnings in here?”

katherine knows that the constant confusion is going to be worse than whatever jane might tell her.

“jane...are you alright?”

the woman in question takes a second to snap out of her haze.

“what? oh, uh, yeah. perfectly fine, darling.”

katherine’s eyes turn pleasing. “please talk to me, jane.” she readjusts her winnings to reach a hand out to jane. “you’ve been off since the fortune teller, what’s up?”

jane gives her a weak smile. “it’s nothing important, sweetheart. just some silly worries, is all.”

katherine doesn’t reply for a moment. she looks at jane for a few more seconds before sighing. “you can tell me anything, jane. please, i hate seeing you upset.” her voice gets small and almost childlike towards the end of the sentence, and she looks down at the tickets in her hand instead.

“oh, love,” jane sighs. she contemplates for a minute before deflating. “it’s just what the fortune teller said-“

“you didn’t like it,” katherine says in a tiny voice, very very near tears.

“that’s not it!” jane interrupts. “it’s just...” she exhales. “i don’t want to let you down. you deserve so much...if it is me, if any of this is even true...i hope i’m enough for you.”

katherine stares at jane, disbelief in her eyes.

“you think you might not be enough for me?” she asks. “jane, just think about what you’ve done for me today! i’ve had such a good time, and if i know you like i think i do then you’ve definitely got something else planned after this too.”

“i might have had a little something thought up,” jane admits, and katherine nods frantically.

“see? you’ve gone above and beyond, and it’s not just today, you always do! you’ll always be enough, jane.” she stops, as if suddenly realising how full of conviction she’d just sounded. “so... yeah. you’ll always be enough,” she repeats slightly quieter.

jane, half in tears, pulls katherine very tightly against her. “oh kat,” she murmurs. “thank you.” she feels kat’s hands land on her hips in her best possible reciprocation of the hug. “i don’t know it what that fortune teller said is true, but if it is, i would be honored to be part of you family.” she pulls back, wiping at her eyes with a laugh. “you’ll always be more than enough for me, love.” she holds both of katherine’s cheeks in her hands. “don’t you ever, ever forget that.”

the smile katherine gives her is sweet and honest. “so long as you never forget, either.” she shifts slightly, wanting to hug jane properly. “if the offer’s still open, can i put these in your bag?”

“of course!” jane opens her bag and offers it to katherine who dumps everything but the tickets inside. arms finally free she hugs jane properly.

jane eagerly pulls her into a tight embrace, one hand coming up to cradle the back of her head. she released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “i love you, my darling,” she whispers into kat’s ear.

“love you too,” katherine mumbles. she doesn’t let go for a little while longer; she figures jane could use the reassurance, and it’s not as if kat wanted the hug to end either. finally, however, she pulls back and gives jane a beaming smile.

“ready to carry on with my day?”

“hang on, you’ve forgotten something, love,” jane gives a teasing smile, pointing at the tickets in kat’s hand. “let’s get you your prize first, okay?”

katherine blushes slightly. “oh yeah.” jane offers her elbow to kat, and they walk, arm in arm, to the prize counter.

katherine, indecisive, analyzes all of the prizes carefully before selecting a large, fluffy, pink bear off the hooks.

“alright love,” jane says as they walk back to the car, “time to head home.” there’s the barest trace of disappointment in her eyes, but jane just smiles. “the day isn’t done yet, you know.”

when they get home, a very familiar smell is waiting. jane must be magic, katherine decides, because a casserole is sitting, hot, on the stove once they walk in.

“you’re an angel,” katherine says, staring at the casserole dish. jane laughs and ruffles katherine’s hair.

“aren’t you sweet. now, it’s probably a good idea to wash your hands first. that fairground was fun but i’m not sure how hygienic it was.”

katherine, perhaps slightly childishly, sits the pink bear in the chair next to her own before going to the sink to wash her hands. jane does the same, and then while katherine takes a seat at the table she dishes up the food, carrying the plates over and placing one in front of kat.

“here you are, love.”

katherine looks from the casserole to jane, absolute love in her eyes. she can’t even vocalize all of the words in her head, so she says nothing and simply digs into the meal.

jane smiles at her, then, inexplicably, leaves the room. she returns only a moment later, a small, wrapped box in her hand. “happy birthday, love.”

katherine’s eyes are wide as she stares at the box. “you got me a present!” she exclaims, and jane laughs.

“of course i did, darling.” she hands it over to katherine who stares at it for a moment longer, before looking up at jane, a shy smile on her face.

“i thought going out and doing all those fun things today was my present. thank you, jane.”

“it’s your birthday, love,” jane smiles, taking her seat again. “if you can’t get a little bit spoiled on your birthday, then when can you?” she nods at the gift. “you can open it, kat.” katherine unwraps the gift carefully, almost reverently, trying her best not to rip the paper.

she opens the small box to find a necklace. it’s a silver chain and pendant, which resembles some sort of compass. she turns it over in her hand. “no matter where...” is inscribed in a familiar looking handwriting. she looks to jane with confusion in her eyes. with a simple smile, jane wordlessly reaches under her own collar and pulls out the same compass necklace and turns it over. “...I’ll be there,” hers reads, jane’s tidy cursive matching katherine’s necklace exactly.

“it’s a reminder,” jane says quietly, cryptically, “that you’ll never be alone again.”

there’s a sudden clatter as katherine jumps to her feet, knocking over her fork and sending it toppling to the floor. in seconds she’s thrown herself into jane’s arms, clutching her present tightly.

“thank you,” she sniffles slightly. “it’s- it’s perfect, i love it.”

jane was half-expecting (half-hoping) that this would be the response to her gift, and she was already prepared for katherine to come barreling into her arms. she immediately pulls katherine tight against her, to the point where katherine is half in her lap, and refuses to let go.

“i’m glad, darling.” jane kisses her temple. “and i love you. so much.”

“i love you too,” kat says, voice muffled by jane’s shoulder. she doesn’t move from her position and jane lets her stay, just holding her close and occasionally playing gently with her hair. after a while she pulls back, tucking a strand of katherine’s hair behind her ear.

“your dinner’s getting cold, kat.” katherine lets out a childish whine at the loss of contact but relents, grabbing a clean fork before sitting back down in her chair.

their dinner is filled with light chatter, mostly pertaining to the events of the day. jane beams as katherine continually admires her new necklace.

“what was your favorite part of today, love?” jane asks. her brain flits to all of the different answers that could come. probably the fair. maybe bowling? the picnic was nice-

“spending it all with you,” it says unabashedly.

jane wasn’t expecting that. “really?”

katherine nods honestly. “really really.” she gives jane a beaming smile and jane returns it with a slightly watery one of her own. jane wipes away the few tears that appeared in the corner of her eyes.

“how am i so blessed and lucky to have you in my life, love?”

katherine doesn’t hesitate in her response. “i could say the same about you, janey.”

jane blinks and smiles at the nickname, but katherine wrinkles her nose. “that’s a no,” she says through laughter. “i’ll find a nickname for you.”

katherine hopes, somewhere in her mind, that nickname would turn out to be ‘mum.’

[chipped-pixel]

Couple Interview Tag by @shysimblr. Rules: 'Answer the questions from your OC otp's point of view and tag as many people as you want. You can do as many couples as you want, it could be an otp you intend to get together but hasn't got together yet or whatever haha... I'm just nosy and wanna know about your oc's, so tag me if you want! You can be as creative as you want, make a story out of it, whatever, do it however you want just answer the questions simply it's up to you!!'

1. How did you two meet? Brooke- "ooh my favorite question!" Tonya- "well I was making a statue for the dance studio she practices at." Brooke- "all the dancers had to go to the unveiling and there was a little party afterwards. I was still pretty new to this studio so I didn't know anyone. So I grabbed a drink and a few snacks on a plate and sat in the corner on my phone." Tonya- "I saw her from across the yard and I couldn't stop staring. So I went over and introduced myself. Brooke- " I was so shocked that such a beautiful woman was at my table and I got like so nervous..." Tonya- "She went to shake my hand and spilled her drink on me and well the rest is history."

2. Who is the most jealous of you two? Tonya- "Oh me for sure. If I see someone flirting with Brooke or staring at her.. I like to grab her ass and glare the other person down till they back off." Brooke- "She almost puched a guy at one of my performances because he was hitting on me afterwards." Tonya- "happily would have knocked his teeth out.."

3. What are your three favorite physical things about your partner? Brooke- "Ooooh good question! Its so silly but the way her hands feel after she's done working on a new sculpture. They're all rough and have calaces on them. hmm. Oh her smile. It melts me every time. Lastly.. I think id have to say her upper arms. They're so tone and strong." Tonya "easy. The small of her back right above her butt. It has a nice little curve to her that my hands fit perfectly in. Her little button nose. Finally...her Ass..." Brooke- "Tonya!" Tonya- "what? Its nice and round and easily squeezable!"

4. Who's more likely to be running late? Brooke- 'Tonya. 100%" Tonya- "ya because you take forever to get ready and I fall asleep waiting then I have to get ready."

5. Who is the most organized and who is the messiest? Brooke "Tonya is so messy! I always have to clean up after her. Especially in the kitchen!" Tonya - "mess is good for the soul."

6. Who is the bigger flirt? (flirts the most?) Brooke- "Tonya. she's always being flirty with me." Tonya "that's because I can't help myself you blush so easy. Besides how else am I gonna keep you if I don't tell you?"

7. Who does the most cooking? Brooke- "I do? It really depends week to week. If I have ballet practice or a performance then Tonya cooks more for me because I'm too tired and sore." Tonya- "if I'm doing a lot of work and my arms are sore then she makes me food because I can't do much. she's a great cook by the way. She makes this amazing Korean rice and meat bowl. Its like the perfect comfort dish."

8. How do you feel about kids and do you want them? If so how many?

Brooke- "hmm like 100.  Like right now." Tonya- "What she means is maybe like 3 or 4." Brooke- "I want to be a mommy so bad! I can't wait to have them. That is if Tonya ever puts a ring on it...." Tonya- "we can't start any processes till after we get married." Brooke- "we've already decided ill carry. Unless I can't. Then Tonya will try."

9. Who wears the pants in the relationship? Brooke- "oh Tonya 100%. I love when she's in charge of everything. When she opens doors for me. orders my food for me. pays for me. It makes me swoon." Tonya- "I like to think of myself as the more... Masculine one because I am I guess? I was raised to respect my partner and treat them with love and affection. So I spoil her. I take care of her because she's my whole world ya know? If that means wearing the pants and making her feel cared for then I don't see the problem with that."

10. What's your partner's least favorite housework task? Brooke- " she hates dishes. like she will buy paper plates and plastic silverware to avoid doing dishes. I don't mind though. Its relaxing. Tonya- "Brooke... Doesn't really not like housework? I mean... If I had to say id say cleaning the bathroom? She loves chores like the weirdo she is."

11. What was the first thing you noticed about each other? Tonya- " her stunning eyes against her pale skin. I don't know what it was but I saw her eyes and it took my breath away. Brooke- "the way she carried herself. With such confidence and so self assured. It was what made me so nervous when she sat at my table."

12. What does your partner do that pisses you off? Brooke- "how much time do you have?" Tonya- "I'm not that bad" Brooke "I hate ASMR. It makes my uncomfortable. So she'll do those nasty mouth noises in my ear. She loves to embarrass me in the store. She'll walk away only to come back and say something like 'hey wanna go do some gay stuff?' LOUDLY IN FRONT of people while grabbing my butt! or She'll grab underwear and be like "ooh these would look great on the floor' I just have to walk away from her when she does. Tonya- " she leaves her ballet slippers on the kitchen table. Her nasty sweaty bloody ballet slippers. where we eat! Oh my god the way she bends her feet and toes. Its like a ballet thing where she like bends her toes back and stands on her toe knuckles. It looks like she's breaking them! She does it while doing dishes or cooking. She uses the table to do her leg stretches on and again puts her gross feet on the table" Brooke-" I'm stretching my toes and making it easily to dance on. Its just practice when I'm not in the studio! keeps me limber."

13. Where's the craziest/weirdest place you've ever had sex? (NSFW answer beware!)

Tonya- "oh her least favorite question. she's shy about our sex. Brooke- "oh my gosh. don't tell them." Tonya-" oh I'm gonna. I'd say... The movie theater. Now youre asking yourself how do two lesbians have sex in a theater. like a straight couple has a hard time." Brooke- "I'm dying of embarrassment." Tonya- "well I had snuck one of our double toys into it in her purse. It was a early movie so no one was in there and I knew that. I talked her into wearing a skirt that day." Brooke- "ah! this is like the worst!" Tonya- "I started kissing and touching and then I told her about the toy. by then she was so in the mood her shyness went away. And well... I'm sure you can assume the rest. Brooke- "OK done. Next question please!!!!"

14. Do you know your partner's love language, if yes what is it? Tonya- "Our what?" Brooke- "Our love language. It's basically the type of love that speaks to us most. It's super interesting. You guys should look it up. There's 5 types of love language. Acts of service, doing stuff for your partner. Receiving gifts, well that explains itself. Quality time, explains itself. Lastly physical touch. Tonya's is totally acts of service. She gets so grateful when I make dinner or do her laundry when she's too tired and her body aches." Tonya- "In that case Brooke's is either gifts or quality time. No matter what gift I give her she gets so excited and tears up every time. Even if it's a bag of candy I bought on the way home. I think we both value quality time alot since we both get very busy and sometimes don't see much of each other."

15. Where do you see the 2 of you in 10 years? Brooke- "married. a big house with a big yard. Dogs. Babies ya know. Tonya- " Hopefully being happily gay together for the rest of our lives."

Brooke- “Is that all? That was fun! We don’t get to do this alot since we tend to be busy or because we tend to be kind of quiet about our relationship...Not because any bad reason. Just...”

Tonya- “we’re a normal couple. Like everyone else so we don’t throw our gayness in peoples faces and brag about being two woman in love. Anyways we enjoyed doing this. feel free to ask us anything else!”

Thank you @tsimmi4 for tagging me!!!

[littlemulattokitten]

Dating App Conundrums

Alright so I’ve been planning to do this for a while, and may make a thing out of it just to chronicle the adventure from single to hopefully not, but who knows. 

Basically I decided to research a few dating apps and try them out, since I’m the type of person who’s content to stay home, but also only likes going out with a friend or small group (not alone) - therefore my chances of meeting people are probably in the negatives without dating services like the ones I’m currently on.

This post will probably end up being both a review of some of these apps as well as a master shitpost detailing the adventures of a straight female attempting to find a straight male to date online. And I know Tumblr well enough that at least half the people who read this will have yet another reason to be proud of their not straight orientation. Because good fucking lord the nonsense I’ve seen.

Storytime begins below the cut. This isn’t going to be short. That’s your warning. It will probably be funny at some points though. It’s funny to live it, at least. And I may break it into parts, Idk yet.

Let’s get a few things out of the way first.

Until this experiment, I’d never used dating apps ever. I knew of them. Hated them on principle (dislike them even more now, but we’ll get into that later) and wanted nothing to do with them. I knew a few people who were happily married to a Match.com or OKCupid match but aside from that – I’d never even downloaded Tinder like everyone else I knew in HS and college.

I haven’t actually dated anyone since my first semester of college. On purpose. I broke off my engagement to my elementary school sweetheart (thankfully we are still good friends and our friendship recovered from that near disaster) and I just wanted to focus on myself for a while.

The small handful of relationships I have had that lasted longer than 6 months taught me a lot about what I want in my ideal mate. The one or two less-than-6-months-barely-relationships I had in high school taught me A LOT about what I will never put up with from people.

My “type” isn’t reflective of my dating history. I’ve gotten to the point with these apps where I’m combining their shallow-indorsing metrics with my own personal preferences. Basically going through an aesthetic checklist then scanning through their profile to see if the actual person is equally pretty.

Spoiler, I have to swipe left A LOT.

I’m a very particular person. I’m very introverted and I hate when someone makes conversation harder than it has to be. I can hold a conversation. I just refuse to be the only one putting effort into it. (This makes more sense later)

I’m beyond fed up with dating app culture but my perfect or close enough to perfect guy has gotta exist so most of my accounts will remain I fucking guess.

I’m not necessarily looking for Mr. Forever. I’ll gladly keep him if I find him, but I’m also not looking for a relationship that I know will be temporary. I don’t do things by halves. I want something solid, whether it lasts forever or not depends on a lot of things.

I CAN’T EMOTIONALLY MULTITASK. I can really only give one person my full interest and attention at a time, which doesn’t bode well for these apps bc you gotta be able to bounce form one to the next no matter how excited you were about someone. These apps fucking suck.

Okay. Now let’s begin properly.

I started with Bumble. Yes. I know. Introverted female starting on a dating app that requires her to make the first move. That can’t go badly right.

I damn near have a panic attack every time I get a match I stg. Anyway.

I was skeptical at first. I’m not huge on people knowing a lot about me from the outset (or I wasn’t - i give so much less of a fuck now bc it makes almost no difference on these things) so my profile was pretty threadbare and cold. Now, a few weeks later, my profile is an efficient snapshot with a splash of Slytherin “Don’t fucking test me.”

Did I mention I’m an INTJ Scorpio? Yeah my entire approach is gonna scream that and my Hogwarts house, just you wait.

Round 1 ~ Bumble 🐝🍯

Okay so Bumble is interesting. For those who don’t know, it’s basically Beehive-Themed Tinder except for heterosexual couples, the lady has to initiate conversation. (Either party in a same sex match can message first) She has 24 hours from the point where her and a fella have “matched” to do so, then he has 24 hours to respond and seal the match – ending the time limits.

Bumble also gives you a rough estimate of how far away someone is sometimes. I’ve read articles about how bumble’s location estimate feature has ruined relationships forged through bumble and generally turned women into paranoid psychos over matches. Can. Fucking. Confirm. It’s the most annoying thing ever. Why?

Android vs Apple. That’s literally why.

The way Bumble’s location service is supposed to work is that everytime you open the app, it updates your location based on your phone or computer’s location. As far as I can tell, that’s exactly how it works on my android phone.

Apple users. Y’all are a problem. Not because I give a shit about your iPhone, I don’t give a shit do you ffs, but IOS location permissions can allow apps to update your location without the app being open.

Reread that for me.

Without. The app. Being. Open.

Which basically means if you match checks your profile, they can tell whether you’re where you were when they swiped right (say, 26 miles away) versus, oh idfk, a whole state or two away.

Real specific example I know. Why? Because I ended up unmatching a guy I REALLY wanted to get to know better because of it.

Though, to be fair, guys are really lax about how they behave on these apps in my opinion, which is a bigger problem than the stupid IOS setting.

Allow me to explain.

Dating App Etiquette 

It barely exists, but it should. Here’s the thing. On these apps, you basically swipe right on a pretty face and left on one you’re not interested in waking up to in the morning or sitting on. I’m only being half funny here. I’m convinced people use dating apps more for hookups than their intended purpose. Which, whatever, but for fuck’s sake make BumbleHookup. There’s BumbleDating, DumbleFriends, and BumbleNetwork or whatever. Just make BumbleDTF so we can filter these people out already.

BACK TO THE SINFULLY ATTRACTIVE AND INTERESTING DUDE I UNMATCHED

I’m still kinda peeved about this. In part at myself, but also just in general.

Most people seem to treat Bumble like Tinder. They don’t fill out their profile hardly at all. Have less than 3 pictures, have pictures that make it unclear who’s profile it is, or – my least favorite thing that is almost 100% regional – THEY REALLY FUCKING THINK A PICTURE OF THEM IN SUNGLASSES HOLDING A FUCKING FISH THEY JUST CAUGHT IS ATTRACTIVE. IT IS NOT. THAT’S NOT WHAT THE PICTURES ARE FOR. JUST SAY YOU LIKE TO FISH IN YOUR FUCKING PROFILE BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT ONE MORE MOTHER FUCKING FISH-

I’ve seen a lot of fish in the last few weeks. Like. So many that I’m basically auto swiping left if someone’s profile has less than 4 pictures and one or more contains a stupid fucking fish.

LOOK AT MY FUCKING USERNAME. LITTLEMULATTOKITTEN. IF A SELF-IDENTIFYING CAT TRAPPED IN A HUMANS BODY SAYS THERE’S TOO MANY FUCKING FISH – THERE ARE TOO MANY MOTHER FUCKING FISH.

I can guarantee this won’t be my last fish rant. You don’t understand how many fucking fish I’ve seen.

BUT THIS GUY DIDN’T HAVE ANY FISH IN HIS PROFILE.

So he already had my fucking attention. He was also startlingly handsome – not in a oh you exist off puss and nothing else there’s no other way someone as pretty as you with a penis could exist – but like “Oh. I’d…really like to look at that forever and sit on it if you’ll let me please.”

NOT ONLY DID I FIND HIM THAT ATTRACTIVE BUT HE SWIPED RIGHT ON ME TOO AND READ ENOUGH OF MY PROFILE TO ASK ME A QUESTION FROM THE LOWER HALF OF IT.

I was freaking the fuck out excited.

And frankly the odds of him seeing this are so fucking low that I’ll go ahead and tell you some specifics about the short convo we had, but nothing that could lead anyone back to him obviously.

He’d lived in my home state. First thing he asked was which city I was from. Then he guessed, claiming that guess was based off a beanie I was wearing in my second to last (I think) image available on my profile.

He’d lived in my home CITY. Which means he was familiar with the CULTURE. And would probably GET ME MORE THAN MOST GUYS IN MY AREA.

He worked in an industry/field I knew about and had almost gone into myself.

He was so fucking attractive. I have yet to come across someone who checked ever preliminary shallow box on my want list.

Biceps. Listen. We’re all a little shallow. Biceps do to me what ass and tiddy do to some guys. It’s one of the few really fucking strong visual things I have, followed by dark hair and blue eyes. But he was something of a gym rat, for sure, and I’d gladly torture myself at the gym if that man was going to be in my line of sight at all during the process.

Seriously. I’ve never seen someone who didn’t look like they had to be famous or an alien that made me go “He’s so pretty I want to cry.” EVER. I WANT TO CRY THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT MATCHED ANYMORE.

And last but not least – like almost every fucking match I’ve ever made, I could count his replies on one hand before he went radio silent.

So, how does this relate to that location issue, you may ask.

Because I didn’t fucking know that Bumble could update your location on some devices without you opening the app.

There’s no online/activity indicator for Bumble except their location updating. Which, when you’re really excited to get to know someone and they suddenly vanish, but they’re more likely than not still online, you might start to feel like you’ve been put on hold.

Life stuff, yes, makes sense, I get it. But these apps have push notifications (which can be buggy) and if you’ve matched with someone, odds are you’re interested enough to check back on occasion (unless you aren’t). So it quickly became a worry game.

Because, like I said, I can’t just say “I’m excited about you, but I’ll keep browsing”. I don’t work that way. Unless I’m not excited about someone, then yeah I’ll keep scatter-shotting. But if I’m not excited to get to know someone why the fuck would I swipe right.

Anyway. After a few days of silence, I was disappointed and getting bitter and the few proverbial bones I’d thrown him had gone unanswered. I knew I was overthinking it and letting my own insecurities get to me a bit, but at the end of the day, there’s a few general courtesies that should exist in online dating culture that don’t.

Why people are afraid or hesitant to say they’re too busy to respond much in their profiles is beyond me. Some guys have the right idea announcing that they’re bad at checking the app and offering their snapchat or telling matches to ask for it.

But even if you’re testing the waters with another match, we’re all on this app for the same fucking reason. Say so. I’m not the kind of person who will need to, because I don’t operate that way on these apps, but I would. Because if that person is really bothered by you finding out if you’re more compatible with someone you matched with prior to them, that tells you something about them.

Would I have been disappointed if that had been the case with this guy? Yeah, kinda. I probably would have felt like his second choice at best, even if he’d come back to chatting with me. But that’s how these fucking apps are designed. Buckle up or unmatch. Fuck your emotions and self-esteem.

I unmatched for my sanity, because that happened a few days into this whole experiment and I wasn’t on any other sites yet. I wasn’t really prepared to deal with this whole thing yet and I didn’t know what to expect. I felt like shit and decided that if he showed up in my feed again, maybe I’d super swipe him (paid extra special right swipe that tells them you REALLY like their face and whatever) but I still don’t know what I’ll do if he does. 

Lowkey hoping it was all a misunderstanding and whatever but like, not at all holding out for that because what are the fucking odds.

And again, my disappointment stems mostly from the fact that I was really excited to get to know him. The idea of finding someone on this stupid app in less than a week who wasn’t forcing his fish pictures in my face, would absolutely be the type of person to encourage my own wellness goals, and who was obviously smart because of his career path, was such an exciting thought. If we’d hit it off and gotten along really well, I’d have been so many levels of shocked and overwhelmingly happy that I just don’t know what I’d do.

When someone who looks like they’re 100% your type actually reads your profile and swipes right – you get excited. I was really excited. I’m still a little sad/disappointed, but I’m basically over it.

Other Misc. Things I’ve Learned On Bumble and other Dating Apps As a Relationship Seeking User

Take every profile with a grain of salt unless it’s so blatantly straightforward. And then still toss a pinch in.

The pretty pretty pretty buff boys who look like their players but their profiles claim they want a relationship? Odds are still players. They will try to convince you there’s 10 inches in their pants. They clearly aren’t smart enough to know that’s biologically uncomfortable for females and the best way to end up in the emergency room with a ruined cervix so don’t even swipe right. They’ll just ask for nudes.

People who use dating sites have some odd, hive mind fixation with The Office.

“Jim looking for his Pam” is in most profiles. I’m not sure why. References to The Office or mentions of The Office are about as common as all the stupid fucking fish.

I live in the wrong part of the country to find guys I’m actually going to share interests with. Just wait until I tell you about my experience so far on OK Cupid. I literally won’t find anyone where I live unless they’re from somewhere culturally similar to where I was born and are willing to move back with me. Because I am not fucking staying in the land of the god damn fish forever.

Most people don’t look at religion and politics like I do. Which is “You do you, I’ll do me, we won’t talk about it and we can peacefully do each other.” I don’t fucking care if your politics contradict mine if that’s the only thing we have not in common. Just make it a blacklisted subject and don’t let one frankly insignificant difference of opinion ruin an entire relationship or potential relationship. And same with religion. I’m not even a little religious. I don’t care if my future husband is unless it’s in my face constantly, he tries to “convert me”, get me to go to church with him, or some other blatant disrespect of my own religious standing. You worship whatever you want. I’ll right fanfiction about magic demon princes fucking their human-born demon queen every which way to Sunday. If religion is that big of a fucking deal for you, be upfront about it. Most people are in their bios. Either way, I’m really fucking sick of people who put too much weight into these two things like they actually decide how compatible you are with someone unless you let them.

I fucking hate fish.

Dating apps need more filters and ways to narrow down searches. 90% of the filters already present are shallow as all hell. What’s a few more.

Primarily let me filter out a few NAMES. This sounds super picky, but I have a really big family. 7 uncles. Over 20 cousins including the few cousins of mine who have kids. There’s a few names that would just be weird and awkward for me to associate with a significant other. If I could filter out my stepdad’s first name (which is disgustingly common but still), my biological father’s name, and a few of my uncle’s names, that’d be fucking swell. You already let me filter by religion and race. Let me filter out some fucking names damnit.

And there have to be people who have traumatic associations with names too like?????

The Office is a funny, good show and all but WHY IS EVERYONE ON THESE APPS FUCKING OBSESSED WITH IT THE WAY I’M OBSESSED WITH HARRY POTTER. I’VE SEEN IT. IT’S NOT **THAT** FUCKING FUNNY. SOMEONE EXPLAIN.

YOU HOLDING A DEAD FISH ISN’T FUCKING ATTRACTIVE SIR. THIS ISN’T THE SHAPE OF WATER. SHOW ME YOUR FACE NOT YOUR FISH.

The dating apps that are probably actually worth using all require a paid subscription.

There’s no real way to advertise that you find sex and physical intimacy very important in a relationship without making yourself sound like a cock-thirsty whore. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, you do you, but I’m looking for someone to be a slut FOR, I’m not one already and I dislike not being able to be upfront about that without being profiled or attracting fuckboys.

WHY CAN I NOT FILTER OUT PROFILES THAT CONTAIN IMAGES OF FISH

STOP WITH THE FUCKING FISH COUNTRY BOYS. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND OR SOMEONE TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR TACKLEBOX? AND DON’T TELL ME THAT’S THE SAME THING, MY FAMILY IS COUNTRY. IT AIN’T THE SAME FUCKING THING. ALL THAT FISH TELLS ME IS THAT YOU’RE PROBABLY COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING.

Judging by the few fish-fucks with their profiles filled out at all – they’re compensating for personality.

With how shallow the filters on these sites are, just go ahead and fucking add eye color, hair, etc. Seriously. If you’re gonna let me be shallow enough to only pick men of a certain ethnicity, and religion, you may as fucking well let me see if I can find a guy with blue eyes, biceps, dark hair, non religious, who doesn’t want kids without reading every fucking profile I come across.

There are way more guys on these sites who want or think they want children some day. This baffles me. But then again my primary reason for not wanting children is pregnancy and giving birth which wouldn’t be their problem so of course they want them.

I just need to auto left-swipe if I see a fish. These apps are shallow anyway. Do not make a fucking fishing joke just because I said shallow.

OK Cupid has a better matching system than Bumble and such, but it’s still irritating as all hell. You can’t choose question categories that are more important. So if I see a 91% match, but he has no sex questions filled out or our sexual compatibility is like…50%...that’s not REALLY a 91% match for me. Let me mark 2 or 3 question categories as priority for fucks sake.

The bulk of guys on these apps fall into 2 categories (for me anyway) – Not enough giveadamn to explain their presence on the site & thank u, next.

Online dating is disappointing as fuck.

I’m seriously going to lose my mind if I can’t get away from the fucking fish pictures. ENOUGH. I GET IT. I NEED TO MOVE.

Seriously – I. Need. To. Move. Back. Home. I am not meant for this part of the country. These good ole boys are meant for someone but it ain’t me and my family is fucking country. I’ve been fishing, ridden 4-wheelers, made shit out of wood for shits and giggles, helped my grandparents in the garden, eaten deer my grandfather or uncles hunted and prepared, helped chop wood, ridden in the bed of a truck, etc etc etc. But ya bitch has lifestyle goals that only include mud at scheduled times. We can go camping, but we should also go out to dinner sometimes and go clubbing or dancing other times.

I was not born with this ass to settle for a man who looks like an angel and acts like one too. Why is no one non-ironically blunt about their sexual preferences?  You cannot convince me that the majority of men lack strong opinions on this subject. SERIOUSLY. IT IS 2019 NOT 1619. God DAMNIT. You’re on a DATING SITE. THAT’S AN ASPECT OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT CAN MAKE OR BREAK THEM. BE STRAIGHTFORWARD.

It’s not even actually about sharing every interest. I don’t give a shit if he doesn’t like Harry Potter much. If he’s annoyed by the level I like it, yeah that’s an issue. Otherwise, be supportive and kind about that kinda shit. That’s all I’m asking for. That’s how I am in return.

I make shit with yarn, write off the wall fanfiction, have a lot of sexual interests I don’t usually broadcast, and don’t understand how dating sites are still this ineffective in 2019.

This is super long already so I’m gonna save the other apps for a separate installment if this one is enjoyed or whatever. Jesus. These apps, guys.

Apps I still need to talk about that probably won’t require this many words each – Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid (OkC might need a few thousand words).

I’ll probably look into some other niche dating sites too because at this point, what the fuck ever - I just wanna meet someone back home or willing to move back home with me who fits some reasonable criteria parameters. And I’m not even as picky as half the profiles I’ve seen, lemme tell ya. I’m just fucking opinionated. And beyond sick of this experiment already.

Sigh.

If I ever see a fish again it’ll be too soon. Bet the first profile picture on my bumble dash later will be another fucking fish though.

Those who expressed interest: @accio-echo  |  @infallibleangel  | @aconitumluparia  and those who liked are my followers so you’ll see it. This post is so long my browser is bugging out with tags or I’d tag you all too.

[tumblunni]

More daily acconplishment diaryness!

Finished unpacking and sorted my clothes into clean and need of washing. Dug out the old webcams i was too scared to use for years and maybe i will try em once i set up the computer again?

Cleaned all the mold out of the refridgerator even though it was GROSS AND SCARY. Woo!

Also finished about 1/3rd of washing every dish i own, which is good cos they were stacked so high i couldnt even see the sink before! I actually found a bunch of dishes i'd lost while i was cleaning up before i left last month. SO MANY FALLEN SPOONS! But i didnt have time to wash any of them so i'm sure they're glad to finally be disinfected and ready to use again. Some had gone rusty or broken and had to be thrown out tho.

Made a big A3 calendar for the next 3 months so i can try and be more structured in my life. Maybe it will work? I dunno about any sort of weekly schedule yet, gonna wait until i get more clarification on what days classes are available at the library and when i'm gonna be seeing support worker richard again and Mystery New Support Worker Who Is Replacing The Hospital Basically. Like they said i can indeed have the support without the mega supervised shared housing thing, so i'm gonna be meeting a new group of mental health recovery specialist tutors who can visit me at my own home instead of me going to the hospital full time. I'm actually kinda glad of all the horrifying lack of privacy in the hospital in one way, like i've always been terrified to invite people inside my house because of the same reasons. But now in the aftermath of EVEN MORE people up in my personal space and EVEN LESS privacy and AN EVER REVOLVING LINE OF STRANGERS who DO MEDICAL TESTS ON MY PEE, it seems a little less scary to just let the same support worker sit on my sofa every month. Im still flying on the fear of all that stuff and this seems positively pleasant in comparison! And i'm sure that feeling will wear off as i become less jittery again, but by then i'll have had some practise talking to this new support worker on my sofa and hopefully i'll be less scared in general.

Oh! And i did decide one thing about a weekly schedule! I have to go out to town at least once every weekend. Or somewhere else fun on the bus. Now im not scared of regular buses i need to train myself to be less scared of the big long one in this neighbourhood. And getting to go out and experience ACTUAL SHOPS and COOL THINGS has cheered me up so much, i cant lose that just because the bus is longer now! The first planned outing is to go to town either on my birthday or the day after, cos i get my disability benefit on my birthday and i can afford to go do some mildly small fun stuff. Shame i spent all my savings and monthly bonus on preparing for stupid hospital, like man i must have wasted 500 quid on all that? The laptop and the new suitcase and new clothes and stocking up on toiletries and soooo much preparing aaa. I still dont know whether to be mad at myself for "only" lasting three weeks or proud of myself for enduring the worst three weeks ive had since i lived in a homeless shelter. Well i got free food at the hospital so it was better in that sense, but it was somehow even more invasive and nervewracking than the homeless shelter! I'd honestly prefer the days of nothing but bread and butter. And hell we had internet there and i was allowed to bring my tv even tho it was a huuuuuuge crt thing bigger than my entire body. I still have it even tho its outdated and broken cos i simply cannot carry it back down the stairs XD

ANYWAY that has been the random progress of today! Next order of business is that tomorrow i go return all the library books from the other library, and just continue going out for walks more often even if im broke and have nothing much to do. Well at least the library has a gym in pokemon go! Also hopefully the internet repair guy will call back tomorrow. And then on friday is the B day and the having money again, so lol anyone have any suggestions on what i should do to celebrate? I dont even really know what people DO when they go out for walks, aside from.. Walk. Like whats an activity i could even do on my own, aside from cinema? And i dont think theyre still showing the incredibles 2 so there might not be anything else good to see. Sigh! And then all i've got to watch out for is the Integrated Autism Service meeting on october 17th which i know NOTHING about not even where it is or what time. Hopefully i can get more details now im back home and able to meet up with dj richard the funky support worker again. Also on november 5th i have to remember to go get my eye test. I hope maybe i can get a new colour of frames this time! And then i dunno sometime nebulous in between all that i'm gonna get a phone call from the hospital guys again to settle the last of the paperwork and introduce me to the new hospital classes support person worker mystery thingieness. Which is a little anxious, so i kinda hope it happens sooner rather than later so i can continue riding the wave of relief from being home and accomplish loads of scary things before it wears off.

...man that wave is kinda annoying tho cos now i cant sleep! Im so hyped up!!i already did so many accomplishments today and they just make me hyped up to do more!!! THE LONGEST GREATEST TUESDAY OF THE YEAR

[luucarii]

With a Dash of Gin - Ch8

Meet the author, Ari, who takes nearly a week to write a chapter of a fic she had planned in her head days in advance.

Aka, I’m a mess and I’m once again sorry for the week-long wait.

Read on Ao3

Kokichi couldn’t get himself through the door to his dorm room faster once he watched Rantaro and his sisters turn the corner. They probably heard how loud the door slammed behind him but he honestly couldn’t care less. Pressing his back to the door, Kokichi slid to the ground, face incredibly hot. He couldn’t understand for the life of him why a simple kiss on the cheek was making him so damn flustered.

“Welcome home!” That was Kaede’s voice, chipper as always.

“How was your date?” There was Kaito, voice a pitch higher than usual. Oh Kokichi definitely had a few words for him.

“You keep teasing him and watch what’ll happen.” Maki huffed and Kokichi could hear Kaito making a gruff noise as if he didn’t care.

“He’s small but he can do some real damage!” Kaede teased and Shuichi let out a laugh.

Some friends they were.

As Kokichi rushed down the small hallway and looked into the middle of the room, he glared at his group of friends sitting in a close circle with the table in the center. Textbooks and notebooks littered the table and Kokichi couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the sight. Maki was in her corner, sitting with a notebook in her lap as she scribbled down whatever she deemed necessary from the textbook. Kaito was too busy making teasing faces at Kokichi, holding his hands over his heart like an overdramatic school girl. Kaede was in one of her giggle fits, grasping onto Shuichi’s arm to keep her upright while Shuichi seemed to be attempting to catch up with the situation — he sometimes got lost with things like that.

“He’s gonna attack you.” Maki muttered as she twirled a pencil in her fingers.

Kaito kept up his act, voice raising a pitch higher as he held his cheeks in his hands, “Rantaro kissed me, oh my god!”

Kaede let out a screech, her giggles erupting into full on laughs as she banged on the table. It somehow escalated even further when she watched Kokichi fling himself over the table, lightly ruffling up Kaito’s shirt as he spat out curses in his defense. Kokichi was throughly embarrassed but he continued to fight until the two of them were playfully wrestling in the cramped space on the floor.

“Kaito, you idiot! Stop butting into my business! I can’t believe you gave him my number!” Kokichi whined aloud in-between light punches.

“Wow, he really does sound like a school girl.” Shuichi commented and Kokichi shot up and glared at him.

“Shut up!”

Kokichi pulled himself away from Kaito and took the empty space beside Shuichi, exhaling loudly as he could to calm himself down. It wasn’t like him, hell since yesterday he really hasn’t been acting himself.

“I was doing you a favor. And it worked out perfectly! You guys went on another date, didn’t you?” Kaito smiled proudly, showing his teeth and Maki sent a unimpressed flick of her eyes.

“It was a horrible date. Completely and utterly terrible.” Kokichi sighed and reached over to grab a stray notebook. 

In that time, Kaede had managed to calm down, her face flush with excitement. As she stopped to catch her breath, she hiccuped a comment. “An obvious lie, you ran in here so fast I was worried you had whiplash.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so red. Did he really kiss you?” Shuichi looked over and Kokichi pouted, rolling his eyes.

“Oh all this attention on me, how lucky!” Inwardly, Kokichi wished he could change the subject, especially knowing if he said one thing about their date Kaede wouldn’t stop talking about it. But he couldn’t just ignore the question, Kaito would end up nudging him until he broke anyway. Kokichi hated having all this sudden attention on him sorely because of the new boy he liked but he didn’t mind talking about Rantaro. The green haired boy was his new favorite topic.

“It was a simple little cheek kiss. Nothing to go crazy—“

Nothing to go crazy over. Yet Kaede was squealing.

Though in her defense, it wasn’t as if Kokichi’s first reaction was modest to begin with. 

Kaede’s eyes lit up, “you two are absolutely adorable!”

“Someone’s a fan.” Maki grumbled and Kaede scooted over to her side, leaning into her.

“Look at him! He’s like our son meeting his first love! Kokichi’s growing up.” 

Maki sighed and attempted to shove Kaede off her, “please never call me the mother of that mess of a kid.”

Kokichi grinned, arms behind his head, “awww, Mom, do you give me and Ranty your blessing?”

Her eyes narrowed into her typical cold stare, “never call me that again.” 

“I bet Maki Roll here would be a great mom.” Kaito chimed in and Maki seemed ready to leap at his throat. Both in terms of his nickname for her and his teasing. 

“When did the conversation center on me? I thought we were talking about Kokichi.” Maki sighed as she hugged her notebook and rolled her eyes.

Kokichi let out a small chuckle. “Noot anymore, we were going to talk about Kaede and Shuichih and when they’re planning on finally becoming official!”

Kaede and Shuichi’s responses seemed to be caught in their throats as they couldn’t bring themselves to say anything. Maki seemed grateful that the topic drifted from her and Kaito joined in himself, lightly teasing Shuichi by asking when he was going to ask Kaede out. Kokichi sighed in contentment at his work, once again with a clever play of words he drifted the conversation from himself. 

All according to plan.

Kokichi loved the playful conversations with his friends, though usually it would be him making all the comments. He wasn’t used to everyone teasing him. It was too different. He didn’t like it.

Hopefully the Kaede/Shuichi topic would distract everyone long enough for Kokichi to suggest studying and Rantaro would be nothing but a fleeting thought in their minds.

The lingering smell of cooking food was what led Rantaro and his sisters through the front door of their house. Rantaro knew without a doubt that Sasori was working her magic in the kitchen. Her learning wasn’t just limited to just being educational, she dabbled in some domestic interests such as cooking and little DIY projects (or “life hacks,” whatever the hell she called them).

As expected, Sasori was indeed in the kitchen, lightly humming along to whatever hit song was playing on the radio at the moment. It wasn’t usually like her to keep up to date on current music (hell, most of her playlist consisted of songs from as early as 2014) but Rantaro just assumed Eri caught her up. As the two oldest sisters, they were the closest by far, though Saki and Kazu shared a close second with their loving, albeit rivalrous relationship.

Sasori was who Rantaro always assumed was Saki’s biological sister. Bright, piercing blue eyes and silver hair extending a little past her shoulders which were currently pulled high into a ponytail while she poured spices into a small pot, she definitely resembled Saki too much to be coincidence. 

“How was the anesthesia reading?” Rantaro questioned as he leaned on one of the kitchen chairs.

“Oh I finished that a while ago. I’m taking a new look on psychology.” She turned her head and gave a small smile toward her brother before she refocused on making the food. Figuring out what she was making was always a little bit difficult since the way she made food was a little unorthodox despite following the recipe. Sasori's food always turned out amazing, on par with their appointed maid/guardian’s meals, but it was a mystery until the meal was actually served.

“Not to be that person, but Kazu’s mentioned you and a boyfriend?” Sasori didn’t look back when she asked but he could hear the sheepish embarrassment in her voice.

“I met him today. He seems decent enough.” Saki huffed, looking up at her older brother and narrowing her eyes, “you could’ve chose someone a bit taller though.”

“I think so long as he’s taller than you, Rantaro’ll be fine.” Midori chimed in and Saki glared at her in return. Saki’s height was always something to tease her for. At just a little under five feet, she was the shortest in the family not counting Chizuru. Her haughty attitude always made her seem bigger than usual so Midori and Kazu would typically call her out on her height to bring her down a few notches. It was all usually playful teasing but the older siblings knew to step in when it went too far.

“So petty.” There was the snarky remark from Kazu who seemed to hear the conversation from the other room. Chizuru and Eri followed behind her and the whole family was settled in one room, which was usually how it ended up by dinner time and late evenings. Whether it was sitting at the table for dinner or simply curling up in blankets in the living room to watch a movie, the Amami family — at least this branch of it — was very close.

The five sisters each took a seat at the table while Sasori was still working at the food. Rantaro in the meanwhile went to shower, expecting dinner to be ready by the time he came out. The bickering conversation faded slowly but surely as Rantaro turned the corner to his room. The last thing he heard was Midori asking Sasori about helping her with her summer work and Rantaro was grateful she actually asked.

While rummaging around his room for clothes, the quiet buzz of Rantaro’s phone caught his attention. He figured it was Kokichi at first, maybe calling to distract himself from the study session — which Rantaro would have to find some way to sweetly encourage him to get back to studying. The caller ID was a person he hadn’t heard from in a while: the father appointed maid and guardian for Rantaro and his sisters. She was essentially a second mother to them all but for the past few months she was stationed in Tokyo with Rantaro’s father. There really wasn’t much Rantaro knew about the situation, according to both the maid and his father, it was nothing they needed to worry about.

Upon seeing the name, Rantaro already assumed it was a heads up about her coming home. It was really the only thing that logically made sense considering how little he knew of his father’s situation.

“Rantaro? I can’t be on for long but I needed to call and check up on you and the girls. Is everything alright at home?” 

“Yeah, same old really. Though with summer break coming up Sasori, Eri and I are gonna be pretty busy keeping up with Kazu and the others.” Rantaro could only imagine how many plans Midori and Kazu would end up making with their friends.

“I’m still here with your father. Something important came up and I can’t leave anytime soon. He’s ordered me to stay here with your other siblings until further notice.” There was something else in her voice that Rantaro couldn’t quite catch but wariness edged in his stomach.

“I’ve got it, don’t worry about it. Keep an eye on him for me, okay?”

She hummed a response before mumbling a quick goodbye and cutting off the line. Rantaro threw his phone on the bed and sighed, running a quick finger through his hair. He shouldn’t have been thinking too deep into it.

Everything was fine.

[therainshow]

I made a Taylor Swift Music Education Lesson that covers each album, in order, and my favorite songs from said album. I included bits of each album’s prologue and background information on each album, plus my personal opinions on each. I made this for some coworkers that want to learn more about Taylor, feel free to look it over and pass it on to anyone you’re trying to convert someone into a Swiftie :) There is a Spotify link for a playlist I made that has all these songs. You can find that at the bottom :)

Welcome to your Taylor Swift Music Education Lesson. Please read carefully.

 For your education and enjoyment (hopefully), I have included a detailed track-list of all the songs on your Spotify playlist. These songs appear in order of album, beginning with Fearless and ending with reputation. I did not include Taylor’s debut album in this lesson. It’s a great album, but has a heavy country influence and was written when she was 14, so it is difficult to relate to and/or isolating to those who do not appreciate country music. Within each album, there is no specific order. As I introduce a new album, I provide you with a bit of background information to give you a more thorough understanding. This background information begins with a blurb taken directly from the prologue that Taylor wrote for said album. With each track title I have included my favorite lyric from that song. You may also see some asterisks with notes scattered throughout. I couldn’t resist. The songs I chose are either a) my favorite, b) a fan favorite, c) generally iconic in nature, or c) songs I think, or hope, you will like. My favorite song off each album is indicated with multiple exclamation points. Let’s begin.

 FEARLESS: “To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.”  Fearless is Taylor’s second album and was released in the fall of 2008 when Taylor was 18. It is actually the most highly-awarded country album of all time. Fearless won Album of the Year at the 2010 Grammy’s when Taylor was 20 years old. Taylor is the youngest person to ever win that award. There are 13 tracks on this album, and 8 were written solely by Taylor. This album cemented me as a stan, and the songs saved my life in high school. I have Fearless tattooed on my back, and I truly believe that I wouldn’t be who I am today without this album. I’d probably be dead in a gutter somewhere. Joking, but seriously, high school was rough. Thank God for Tswift.

1.      Forever & Always!!!!!!!!!!!: “It rains in your bedroom when everything’s wrong. It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone.”

2.      Fifteen: “Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine. And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind, and we both cried. ‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them.” *Abigail was Taylor’s best friend in high school, and they’re still friends today.*

3.      Love Story: “This love is difficult, but it’s real. Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.” *This is Taylor’s first #1 song. It went #1 on both country and pop radio. She attributes her career to this song. She wrote the song in 20 minutes solo on her bedroom floor after an argument with her parents over a boy.*

4.      The Best Day: “I’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean. I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys. And we drive and drive until we find a town far enough away, and we talk and window shop ‘til I’ve forgotten all their names. I don’t know who I’m gonna talk to now at school, but I know I’m laughing on the car ride home with you. Don’t know how long it’s gonna take to feel okay, but I know I had the best day with you today. *Taylor wrote this song for her mom.*

5.      Breathe: “People are people, and sometimes it doesn’t work out. Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall-out.”

6.      Fearless: “We’re drivin’ down the road, I wonder if you know I’m tryin’ so hard not to get caught up now. But you’re just so cool running your hands through your hair, absent mindedly making me want you.”

7.      Tell Me Why: “Why do you have to make me feel small so you can feel whole inside? Why do you have to put down my dreams so you’re the only thing on my mind?”

 SPEAK NOW: “What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest. So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying 'I could've, but it's too late now.' There is a time for silence. There is a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it. I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now.” Speak Now is Taylor’s third album and was released in the fall of 2010 when Taylor was 20. There are 14 tracks, all written solely by Taylor. There are no co-writers on this record. After Taylor won AOTY for Fearless, many of her critics said that it was impossible that she carried her weight in those writing sessions. Basically, the songs on Fearless were so good that a lot of people didn’t believe that she actually wrote them. To prove them wrong, she decided to write the album entirely by herself. This album is the fan favorite, and is my second favorite. I feel like this album was way ahead of its time. Speak Now is the kind of album I’d expect a musician to write towards the end of his/her career once they stop caring about crafting the perfect song, and start making great music for the hell of it. Most of the songs on Speak Now are over 5 minutes in length with many clocking in over 6 minutes. Definitely not suited for radio. Taylor is known for painting stories in her lyrics, and I’d say Speak Now does that the best. I met Taylor during the Speak Now Era, the most lauded of eras amongst fans. To have seen the Speak Now concert is a huge deal in the Swiftie fandom. The concert was absolutely magical. If you don’t believe me, you’re welcome to come over and watch the live DVD. Most of the general public knows next to nothing about Speak Now because none of the songs really charted on radio. However, Speak Now is the first of her albums to sell a million or more copies in the first week (a pattern not broken thus far. #blessed). Speak Now Era was sort of the golden age because she had proved herself to be incredibly talented and cemented her place in the music industry, and yet her PR stunts were at a minimum. Nobody hated her yet, and she kind of went back under the radar despite being at her prime. It was downhill from there, but we were all oblivious to that fact. We were just so blissed out, we couldn’t see the impending doom on the horizon. I could honestly write an entire thesis on Speak Now. Anyway, it was a strange time, indeed.

8.      Mean: “You have pointed out my flaws again, as if I don’t already see them.” *Like I said above, the songs on Speak Now were not widely popular and didn’t chart on radio, with the exception of this one. ‘Mean’ won Country Song of the Year at the Grammy’s in 2012. Taylor wrote this song as a way to cope with relentless and over the top, mean-spirited criticism from a specific music critic named Bob Lefetsz. Suck it, Bob.

9.      Mine: “But we’ve got bills to pay, we’ve got nothin’ figured out. When it was hard to take, this is what I thought about.”

10.  Last Kiss: “How you’d kiss me when I was in the middle of sayin’ something, there’s not a day I don’t miss those rude interruptions.”

11.  Haunted: “Come on, don’t leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out.”

12.  Never Grow Up: “You’re in the car on the way to the movies, and you’re mortified your mom’s droppin’ you off. At fourteen there’s just so much you can’t do, and you can’t wait to move out someday and call your own shots. But don’t make her drop you off around the block, remember that she’s getting older too.” *Taylor wrote this the night she moved out of her parent’s house and into her first apartment in Nashville.*

13.  Sparks Fly: “You’re the kind of reckless that should send me runnin’, but I kinda know that I won’t get far.” *Taylor first performed this song back in 2006 at a random live show when she first started out. Fans recorded it and it went viral. For years fans begged her to record it for an album. She did! Thank you, Taylor! We are #blessed.*

14.  Enchanted!!!!!!!!!!!!: “The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy.”

15.  Back to December: “It turns out freedom ain’t nothin’ but missin’ you.”

 RED: “My experiences in love have taught me difficult lessons, especially my experiences with crazy love. The red relationships. The ones that went from zero to a hundred miles per hour and then hit a wall and exploded. And it was awful. And ridiculous. And desperate. And thrilling. And when the dust settled, it was something I’d never take back. Because there is something to be said for being young and needing someone so badly, you jump in head first without looking. And there’s something to be learned from waiting all day for a train that’s never coming. And there’s something to be proud of about moving on and realizing that real love shines golden like starlight, and doesn’t fade or spontaneously combust. Maybe I’ll write a whole album about that kind of love if I ever find it. But this album is about the other kinds of love that I’ve recently fallen in and out of. Love that was treacherous, sad, beautiful, and tragic. But most of all, this record is about love that was red.” Oh, Red. I have so many thoughts about you. For starters, Red is Taylor’s fourth album and was released in the fall of 2012. Red is comprised of 16 tracks. Like I said previously, the Speak Now Era was such an incredible time, and Swifties didn’t want to let it go. We didn’t want things to change. I think the Red Era is the only era that Swifties didn’t welcome with open arms. We just didn’t know how to feel, and were afraid of things changing. But Taylor was headed in a more pop direction, and we could all sense it. Of course, Taylor had always been pop, or country pop, but that’s neither here nor there… And so, Red was Taylor’s “pop” debut, because she wrote three songs with pop hitmakers Max Martin and Yohan Shellback. But, it was also her rock debut if you ask me. Red was like a patchwork quilt of music: differently styles, production types, collaborators, producers. Taylor was trying new things and flapping her wings. And it worked. At first, I was hesitant to leave Speak Now behind, but Red quickly became my favorite album and still is. Taylor’s best songs are on Red. That is unanimously agreed upon in the fandom and throughout. Red is Taylor’s crown jewel, her zenith. Unfortunately, Taylor suffered a lot of hate and backlash for her dating life during 2012 and 2013, and that really clouded the success of Red. Like Taylor has said before, she was promoting a massively successful album and touring the world, and all people wanted to talk about was her personal life and it broke her heart. Well, Taylor, it broke mine too. Next to Fearless, Red is the album that helped me most in life. Red chronicles a disastrous heartbreak from beginning to end. The anger, the frustration, the sadness, the regret, the hopelessness, the pining away. You name it, she wrote about it. If you’re ever heartbroken, put on this album. (Except I hope that never happens to you!!) It’s interesting to me that she wrote the songs for Red while she was touring Speak Now, because we thought she was really happy at that time. But, what do we know? We never really know. Well, Red was nominated for Album of the Year at the 2014 Grammy’s and lost to Daft Punk. Whoever announced the winner that night really dragged out the R when he said “Random Access Memories Daft Punk”. So naturally, Taylor thought she had the award and her face lit up. Only to see that she did not, in fact, win. So, she stood up and clapped, although still looking a little miffed/embarrassed. Well, what do you know, the next day the internet is tearing her apart and making fun of the face she made when she thought she had it and then realized she didn’t. She became a gif, a meme, everything. I have seen the waves of irrational, baseless and crude hatred and bullying of her on the internet over the years and that, to me, was the worst. UNFORGIVABLE! So, anyway, it didn’t win the award, but fans and music critics unanimously agree that it should have. Speak Now might be the fan favorite album, due to the attachment to the Speak Now Era, but we all agree that Red is her best work. Alrighty, let’s dive in! Finally, right?!

 16.  I Knew You Were Trouble: “Flew me to places I’d never been,  ‘til you put me down.”

17.  Everything Has Changed ft. Ed Sheeran: “All I feel in my stomach is butterflies, the beautiful kind, makin’ up for lost time, taking flight making me feel like I just wanna know you better.” *Taylor and Ed are best friends in real life. They claim they wrote this song whilst having In n Out burgers on her trampoline in the backyard. I believe them.*

18.   Treacherous: “Nothing safe is worth the drive and I will follow you home.” *This song is cowritten and produced by Dan Wilson from Semisonic.*

19.  Sad Beautiful Tragic: “Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting, silence… the train runs off its tracks.”

20.  Red!!!!!!!!!: “Moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head, in burning red.”

21.  Holy Ground: “We took off faster than a green light go, yeah you skip the conversation when you already know.”

22.  All Too Well: “I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it.” *The original version of this song is over ten minutes long. This is, unanimously, Taylor’s best song of all time. Check any list by any critic and this song will be at the #1 spot. I think, for me, Red and All Too Well are tied for favorites.*

23.  Begin Again: “You throw your head back laughin’ like a little kid. I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny, ‘cause he never did.”

24.  The Last Time ft. Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol: “You wear your best apology, but I was there to watch you leave.”

 1989: “I wrote about moving to the loudest and brightest city in the world, the city I had always been overwhelmed by… until now. I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to take on New York and all its blaring truth. I wrote about the thrill I got when I finally learned that love, to some extent, is just a game of cat and mouse. I wrote about looking back on a lost love and understanding that nothing good comes without loss and hardship and constant struggle. There is no ‘riding off into the sunset’, like I used to imagine. We are never out of the woods, because we are always going to be fighting for something. I wrote about love that comes back to you just when you thought it was lost forever, and some feelings never go out of style. I wrote about an important lesson I learned recently… that people can say whatever they want about me, but they can’t make me lose my mind. I’ve learned how to shake things off. I’ve told you my stories for years now. Some have been about coming of age, some have been about coming undone. This is a story about coming into your own, and as a result… coming alive.” Oh man. I have a lot of feelings about this one, too. And not the good kind. Let’s start with facts. 1989 is Taylor’s fifth album and was released in the fall of 2014. There are 13 songs. And that’s it for the facts, because now I’m going to dive into my feelings and opinions about this one. Which are basically facts, but anyway... So, like I said previously, Taylor did not win AOTY for Red and that bothered her. She went home to her hotel room, gorged herself on In n Out burgers, and cried (Dramatic much?!? It’s okay though ‘cause it was a rough night. And I’m not making this up, she really told us that’s how the night went down. POOR TAY!). Next thing you know, she wakes up in the middle of the night with an epiphany that she is going to make a sonically cohesive pop album. She said the problem with Red was that it wasn’t “sonically cohesive”. Swifties hate the word sonically cohesive. It hurts me that I am even typing it. If you are in my presence do not say the word sonically cohesive, okay? Moving on. In a way, she was right. Red WASN’T sonically cohesive, but that’s kind of what we loved about it. Every song on Red sounds exactly like the feeling the lyrics portray. We didn’t think it was an issue. But Taylor wanted to hone in on a specific sound and perfect that and keep things neat and clean. And, of course, that sound was going to be pop. EXCEPT SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN POP BUT SURE. So, Taylor decides to try 80s synth pop (I guess?) and go with that. And so 1989 is born. Look, I love the narrative and inspiration behind 1989. I am really inspired by the prologue I shared up there. It was all about independence and friendships and not needing a man because she had stopped dating. But she also said she had to stop dating because the hate got so bad. So, the whole single life thing was kind of forced on her, but whatever, she embraced it. Except we all know she wasn’t *really* single (Hello Karlie Kloss!!). When the first single from 1989, Shake It Off, came out, I cried incessantly. I was inconsolable, and my friend’s dad had to make us grilled cheeses to cope. Shake It Off never grew on me, and to this day it’s my least favorite Taylor song EVER (it’s borderline unbearable), but the rest of the album did grow on me. To a degree. The problem with 1989 is that a handful of the songs are incredible, and the rest feel incomplete/watered down/like filler. I feel like she really worked to perfect a few of the songs and geared them in a way to be popular on radio, and the rest were afterthoughts. 1989 is the only Taylor album where the best songs were chosen as singles (except for Shake It Off). With Taylor’s albums, usually the best songs feel like hidden gems because they’re never chosen for radio, and so the public doesn’t know about them. I’m happy that everyone got to enjoy her songs from 1989, but it also felt like there was nothing left over for the fans that felt special. The best songs on 1989 ended up overplayed and overdone. 1989 is the first tour I did not attend. I can be honest with you and say I regret that. 1989 isn’t a bad album, it’s a good album, but as far as Taylor’s work goes, it’s just not the best. But it did win Album of the Year in 2016, making her the first woman to win that award TWICE.  To go a little deeper, it wasn’t even so much the 1989 album that I disliked, I think it was more the Era/Taylor in general during 1989 that didn’t jive with me. She got obsessed with appearance, and status, and there were some strange business dealings that left fans feeling used and abused. Before 1989, Taylor felt like the “girl next door” (I do realize she’s a celebrity and not the girl next door at all, but her perfected relatability factor became part of her marketing image), but during 1989 Taylor threw that all away to be #squadgoals with the Victoria’s secret models. Whatever, it was a strange time. Glad that is over. ALSO, listen to Ryan Adams cover of this album. It’s better than the OG at times. Aight aight, let’s dig into these sick beats (ugh).

25.  Welcome to New York: “When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors, took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer. Everybody here was someone else before, and you can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls.” *Taylor moved to NYC the summer gay marriage was legalized in New York. Thanks for the shoutout Tay.*

26.  I Know Places: “Just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it, my love. They are the hunters, we are the foxes, and we run.”

27.  Clean!!!!!!: “It was months and months of back and forth, you’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can’t wear anymore.” *Despite 1989 being my least favorite album, this song is one of my all-time favorites. It’s brilliant how she compares a relationship to an addiction. And Imogen Heap comes through for some dope ass background vocals.*

28.   Out of the Woods: “The monsters turned out to be just trees, when the sun came up you were looking at me.” *Ryan Adams cover is amazing, and so is an acoustic piano version Taylor did for the Grammy museum. Check youtube.*

29.  You Are In Love: “You keep his shirt, he keeps his word.”

30.  Style: “I say ‘I’ve heard that you’ve been out and about with some other girl. He said ‘What you heard is true, but I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you.” I said ‘I’ve been there too, a few times.’”

31.  Wildest Dreams: “You see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night, burning it down. Someday when you leave me I hope these memories follow you around.”

32.  This Love: “Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with someone knew… Lantern burning, flickered in my mind for only you, but you were still gone and gone, gone and gone.”

 Reputation: “We think we know someone, but the truth is that we only know the version of them they have chosen to show us. We know our friend in a certain light, but we don't know them the way their lover does. Just the way their lover will never know them the same way that you do as their friend. Their mother knows them differently than their roommate, who knows them differently than their colleague. Their secret admirer looks at them and sees an elaborate sunset of brilliant color and dimension and spirit and pricelessness. And yet, a stranger will pass that person and see a faceless member of the crowd, nothing more. We may hear rumors about a person and believe those things to be true. We may one day meet that person and feel foolish for believing baseless gossip. This is the first generation that will be able to look back on their entire life story documented in pictures on the internet, and together we will all discover the after-effects of that. Ultimately, we post photos online to curate what strangers think of us. But then we wake up, look in the mirror at our faces and see the cracks and scars and blemishes, and cringe. We hope someday we'll meet someone who will see that same morning face and instead see their future, their partner, their forever. Someone who will still choose us even when they see all of the sides of the story, all the angles of the kaleidoscope that is you.” Last album?!? I can’t believe we’re here already! Reputation, Taylor’s 6th album, was released in the fall of 2017 and consists of 15 tracks. At the start, reputation was a wild ride. During the 1989 Era, Taylor managed to crawl out of the pit of hate and despair that the Red Era brought, and she soared to popularity. I’ve noticed this happens with Taylor, the love/hate comes in waves. One day everyone loves her again, and then the next they hate her. During 1989 Taylor was flying high. Highest grossing tour, AOTY, “dating” (I have to put that in quotes, but that’s a whole other can of worms) Calvin Harris… but, nothing good can last forever, and so literally everything fell apart. Messy break up with Calvin, even messier drama with Kimye (can’t even get into that). Things weren’t going so well. Taylor had reached overexposure and she went into hiding for almost a year. No performances, no candid shots, no interviews, no mags, nothing. She usually releases a new album like clockwork every two years, but she skipped her typical release season and tacked on another year to the wait. Well, while she was hiding, Taylor was doing what she does best.. making music. At some point during the summer Taylor put all of her music back on streaming accounts, and so I knew then that something was brewing. She finally announced the name of the album and released the first single, “Look What You Made Me Do”. The day she dropped “Look What You Made Me Do” was one of the craziest days for just about everyone, let alone Swifties. It felt like the world was literally collapsing over this song. The internet was breaking. A few people loved it right away, some people thought she had cracked and was finally losing her damn mind, and I was just confused and depressed. The day it was released I spent a large portion of the day crying. I cried and clutched onto my 1989 CD (but I never even liked 1989 that much… which shows how much I was worried….) But, before I knew it, I was bopping along to the song and loved it like the rest. And once the music video came out, I realized that everything was going to be okay. If you haven’t seen the music video, you need to. It’s iconic. It broke Youtube’s record for most views in 24 hrs. A few more songs came out before album release and I wasn’t *that* crazy about most of them. Turns out that reputation is like all of Taylor’s albums before 1989, the best songs were not released as singles. Back 2 Basics, guys. The fans get everything, and everyone else gets the scraps. When the album finally did come out I was overjoyed. Now let’s see why!

33.  Delicate: “Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you’re in my head? ‘Cause I know that it’s delicate.”

34.  Getaway Car: “I wanted to leave him, I need a reason.” *Jack Antonoff produced this song and many others on reputation. We are #blessed. I recently read somebody say that Jack has a stranglehold on pop music. I WISH!!*

35.  Dancing With Our Hands Tied: “I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us.” *Beginning at some point in 2014, Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift entered a torrid love affair. It’s possible they are still together today. That’s a discussion for a later date. Anyway, this song is definitely about her. Funny how some people think Taylor hates gay people (why?) when really she writes songs for them. Thanks Tay.

36.  Dress: “I woke up just in time, now I wake up by your side.” *Also for Karlie.*

37.  Call It What You Want!!!!: “I brought a knife to a gun fight, they took the crown but it’s alright.”

38.  I Did Something Bad: “They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one, so light me up.”

39.  Don’t Blame Me: “For you I would fall from grace just to touch your face. If you walk away, I’d beg you on my knees to stay.”

40.  King of My Heart: “I���m perfectly fine, I live on my own. I made up my mind, I’m betting off being alone. We met a few weeks ago, now you try on calling me baby like trying on clothes.”

41.  New Year’s Day: “You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi. I can tell that it’s gonna be a long road. I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town babe, or if you strike out and you’re crawling home.”

Spotify link:  https://open.spotify.com/user/22xaifvaciqklwgcnidnxuuhq/playlist/7ssFqGusg3Sf1sPe5cS7hR

[weekendwarriorblog]

30 Minute Experiment: Comedy #30ME

Okay, then... timer is set and I have “The Other Ed” Sheeran playing at Austin City Limits on my TV set thanks to Soundkick’s YouTube channel which is doing a 72 hour concert marathon that I’ll need to keep checking in on. But let’s get to today’s topic, which only came to me about an hour ago... (As mentioned, that’s kind of how this works.)

No, I’m not gonna use my 30 minutes to test out any of my lame comedy material on you, the poor reader who has stuck with me this far.  In fact, I have done a few stand-up comedy sets, and it’s something I’ve wanted to do more of, to the point where I’m constantly working on material and writing jokes for some future stand-up set I may or may not ever do. 

Anyone who knows me even tangentially knows that I’m almost constantly and regularly making jokes on the internet and even moreso since the advent of “social media”... I’m sure some of you get annoyed by it and unfollow or even block me, and honestly I’m getting used to it.  They say that everyone is a critic and as a critic who hasn’t been able to get much work lately, don’t I know it?

In fact, I have a friend who was doing a virtual Open Mic this weekend, and I thought of putting together some sort of set to do maybe 7 to 10 minutes of what I consider comedy, but I kind of decided as the week went along that it’s been tough to actually try to write any kind of comedy material or jokes considering how awful things have been and being that it’s been six weeks since I’ve been cordoned off in my tiny apartment.

I do want to do more open mics soon and keep perfecting (and I use that term loosely) my material but it’s very different standing in front of an audience (however large or small) and telling jokes than it is cracking jokes on Twitter or FB. At least on social media, I don’t particularly care if my jokes “land” (as they say in the biz)... honestly, I make jokes more to amuse and entertain myself and keep my own good spirits going in tough times than I do to entertain others. Honestly, if I can make one person laugh when I make a joke on Twitter, that’s more than enough for me. As long as the “crowd” doesn’t turn on me... which has happened a few times in the past few weeks.

I just don’t think I’m ready or confident to try to do some sort of “set” in front of even a virtual crowd when I’m not sure what the audience might be like. I guess that’s what most stand-ups have to deal with when doing the comedy club route, since you never know who is gonna be there and whether your sense of humor lines up with theirs. At least when you’re big enough to do comedy specials on Netflix or bigger shows, you know that the audience is there just for you. They’re already fans of something else you’ve done so they’re more or less in tune with your brand of humor. At least when it comes to social media and most of my friends (on FB) and followers (on Twitter), I know that most people realize when I’m joking and when I’m deadly serious. 

Or maybe people aren’t as in tune to when I’m joking or not cause every once in a while, I’ll make a joke directly to someone who I know gets that I’m joking and someone random will pop up and call me an idiot for thinking one way or another. (I had one of those yesterday when I made a joke about CGI, something I know quite a bit about, having been to ILM and many other CG houses and discussed it with filmmakers and visual FX supervisors, I mean countless times!) Anyway, this person thought I was an idiot for making a joke that CG animators should be able to work from home since they’d be sitting at their computers to do their jobs anyway, so easy enough to do from home. It was a pretty stupid joke made to someone who knew I was joking but someone who didn’t, got pretty testy with me. I just blocked them.

That’s not something when you’re trying to do live comedy, although I guess you can mute hecklers on Zoom easier than you would at a live club. 

I actually have a friends who regularly do stand-up comedy, and at least two or three of them who do it professionally for a living (and they’re really good at it). I kind of know what’s involved with writing comedy professionally and trying to write jokes and then deliver them in a way that gets the audience on your side. Believe me, it’s tougher than many people think... just give it a try yourself if you don’t believe me.

Don’t get me wrong. I definitely feel like I will do it again sometime soon but I do have to put more time into my material and right now, it just doesn’t seem like making jokes about COVID or everyone’s isolation or anything in that vein just doesn’t seem appropriate right now. Some people need those laughs to get through this, but I feel like others are on edge so much that they, like me, are having trouble finding humor in what’s going on. I don’t blame them one bit.

As you may have figured out from some of my more “ranty” #30Mes, I’m having a difficult time getting through this myself and I’m experiencing all of the bad side effects like horrible vivid dreams, boredom, the general feeling of one day blurring into the next. I’ve been trying hard to use all my time constructively including doing work on some of my fiction work that I’ve also been putting more time into then I’ve been able to do when I was running around to two or three screenings a day. 

Obviously, I’m still trying to write the Weekend Warrior each week but it gets tougher to focus and concentrate on movies when there’s so much being thrown my way as distraction -- Ed Sheeran, for instance -- but my inability to really focus on getting some material ready for this open mic is only part of my problem. Sure, I’ll admit it. I’m afraid of bombing, cause I’m in such a delicate place emotionally, and it’s not like I’m that stoic or strong in the best cases, which this most definitely is not.

So I’m going on 20 minutes writing about “Comedy” and this is probably the saddest and least funny thing you’ve ever read, so hopefully, that helps you understand why it might be hard for anyone (even professional comedians) to be funny right now. I’m actually really impressed and mesmerized by the likes of Conan O’Brien and other talk show hosts to keep it together and still manage to keep their spirits in a place where they can perform and be funny once a day for 20 minutes or more. 

Don’t anyone tell you that comedy is easy, because they clearly haven’t done anything close to what these amazing entertainers are able to do on a nightly basis. I’m certainly nowhere near that point despite my seemingly endless jokes on Twitter -- and my apologies to the thousands who probably have me muted for that reason and others. 

Surely, there must be a place where comedians actually feel confident to perform their material in front of others and feel confident about their material. I’m definitely not at that point yet... I mean, I was never really that confident about performing someone else’s music in front of others even though I did that quite a bit in my past.  (It was kind of funny when I was working at Sam Ash and giving a software demo but was too nervous to even play something on the keyboard to show them MIDI or anything. I’m just not that showy a player and it’s been even longer since I played keys.)

But getting back to “comedy” here, it’s really interesting to see how people in general are reacting to humor, and also how many of my friends who really need some humor in their lives right now, don’t really actively try to get in some comedy at least once a day. I definitely try to include at least a half hour of comedy every day right now, even if it just catching Conan before crashing for the night. it’s just part of my being that i feel needs to be exercised every day if I want to stay sane against all the pressures I’m trying to fend off, silly things like money, bills, etc... none of which are particularly funny.

Sure, any psychiatrist will tell me that my attempts at humor and comedy is just me deflecting away from all the awful things going on in the world around me as well as my own personal situation, but hey, that’s why I never would pay a therapist to tell me these things. Believe me, I don’t need to pay someone to offer me advice or criticize me... that’s what I have friends for. (rimshot)

But kidding aside, I do appreciate all of my friends and followers who do put up with my “comedy” and my constant cracking of jokes and maybe even reacting or laughing to one or two so I don’t feel like everything I’m doing is going out into a vacuum.  I know some people I know (like my brother) would probably give me shit for some of the jokes I make, because maybe they reflect badly on someone who is currently actively looking for a job in the worst job market in decades. Like I said, it’s what I need right now to get through it, and I just have to hope that I stop myself from making the most offensive of the jokes that pass through my warped brain. Thankfully, I have a lot of weirdo friends who don’t mind my humor/jokes, but hey, they’re my weirdo friends and I love ‘em!

And with that, my time’s up for the day... will see if I have anything to write tomorrow!

[yoongiminjoon]

Playing Pretend

Yoongi slowly walked toward the small house snuck in between bigger buildings at the end of the street. He needed to do this, it had been weeks since he’d last talked to his mother and he was sure she was getting antsy, if the the 121 missed calls and 53 voice messages meant anything. This was just how his life was and he needed to suck it up. Cause Yoongi had learned early on that pity and sadness only equated weakness. When he arrived at the door, he saw it was just as beaten down as the last time he’d seen it, the paint chipped so bad that it looked like an animal had attacked it. He sighed and rang the doorbell, adjusting the one cheap tie he had bought years ago for occasions like this. His suit was two sizes too big and his dress shirt still had a stain from his last visit (hopefully his mother wouldn’t be able to tell). I mean Yoongi wasn’t poor, far from that, his “extracurricular activities” paid well. But Yoongi also believed in not using money where it wasn’t needed. The money it would take to buy a better suit, he could just give to his mom. Combing his hair with his fingers one last time, Yoongi took in a deep breath and pasted on a fake smile. The door creaked open and before him stood his small, stocky mom. Frown lines more prominent, hair grayer, but smile just as bright as ever. Yoongi loved his mother (She was the only family that was worth shit anyway). And he knew what it would do to her to know how he actually survived. So a couple times a year he would dress up in his “office worker” costume and play pretend. He didn’t want to be a bigger disappoint than he already was. Right when she saw him, Yoongi was pulled into a bone crushing hug that smelled of cinnamon and old memories.

“Momf I canth brefthe” Yoongi muffled as his moms relentless hold tightened.

“That’s what you get for making me worried for days. Come back sooner. Have you no respect for your mother. I wait and wait and you never call or com-”

“Alright, alright sorry, I know I suck, I should come more often, but um… work gets very stressful mom.” Yoongi said cutting her off and finally pulling out of the hug. As soon as he mentioned work, his mothers face fell into a sympathetic and worrisome state.

“They’re not overworking you are they. If they are Yoongi say something, they can’t treat you however they want you know” His mother stated defiantly. Worked up on Yoongi’s behalf. She led him into the house and walked straight to the kitchen. If Yoongi knew his mother, he knew there was a feast waiting for him.

“I know mom. Thanks” he sighed sitting down at the table with copious amounts of food on it. “How do you always out do your self. Mom I’m not starving. I don’t send you money just so you can make me dinner that could feed an army.”

“Just say thank you and eat the food. If I don’t spend money on my boy then who else would I spend it on.” She asked, incredulous. She sat down beside him and started placing food on his spoon and plate. “I only need to see you happy to be happy.” Yoongi’s mom was a sap, and she knew just the words to melt his heart. Had it been anyone else, Yoongi would’ve scoffed and degraded their entire existence, but to his mother he could only smile and shove his face. He knew the routine by now, after stuffing himself with food until he weighed about 20 lbs heavier, Yoongi would be asked a series of questions regarding his personal life, then he would mention his workload and his mom would pack him the food he wasn’t able to finish (which could honestly last him a month) and he’d be on his way. The process took about 3hrs. It was simple and always the same. Except this time Jimin had called him nearing the end of the personal questionnaire portion of the evening and his mother had seen the contact info before he quickly hung up. Now he could’ve made any excuse to who Jimin was, If the idiot thug wasnt as possessive as he was, and hadn’t changed his name in Yoongi’s phone from “Rich Asshat” to “❤️Jiminie❤️”. I mean yeah he’d done it months ago, which gave Yoongi plenty of time to change it back, but Yoongi’s excuse of always being too busy remained strong. (Also there was the fact that his name was saved as “Suga😍👌🏾👅” in Jimins phone and he secretly loved the personal feeling it gave off, but you’d catch him dead before he admitted that). So instead of 3hrs it took 4 and a half, as he kept repeating that Jimin wasnt anything serious but rather just a casual relationship. And the hearts around his name were a joke, but his mother wasn’t truly convinced. So he now had to bring Jimin to dinner next time he came, and it had to be before the month ended, or he’d “see his mother’s wrath”. Yoongi grumbled and pouted the rest of the night and huffed an annoyed sigh as he grabbed the bags of food and gave his mother a kiss on the check as he left her home.

“I’m excited to see him.” She smiled, and then narrowed her eyes and continued, “and if I don’t then you won’t have a mother either.” Dramatic was her middle name.

“Yeah yeah” he waved as he left her behind. Playing pretend for his mother was a habit by now. And he sometimes believed she played along. How else would the warm scene of a broken down family, which consisted of a alcoholic, weak mother and her prostitue son making ends just barely meet make sense. Playing pretend was all the two had left, and they took their roles seriously. Cause when Yoongi left the cabinet under the sink would open and wouldn’t close the day before Yoongi next came. Their fucked up lives took breaks for only 3hrs a couple of times a year. Maybe that’s why when Yoongi was far away, he pulled out his phone and dialed the first name on his missed calls list.

“I don’ like it when ya keep me waitin darlin” the voice slurred as Jimin picked up the call.

“I was busy. With my mom. I told you. Why’d you call” he replied short and straight.

“Cuss I missd’ ma baby, and wanted ta play” Jimin continued, voice filled with flirtations. Yoongi fought back a smile, and kept his voice emotionless, he was prostitute, that owed Jimin a shit ton, nothing more and nothing less.

“On my way. But I need to talk to you about something. A favor.” Yoongi said, fully aware of the teasing that would follow.

“Anotha one, ya really like usin’ me don’ ya. Guess we'r jus gonna have ta add it ta ya list. What does ma darlin need.” Jimin asked amused. Yoongi sighed, this would probably equal a 2 weeks worth of fucking, but it really didn’t matter, he basically owed Jimin for life. And he wasn’t really complaining about it either.

“I’ll tell you when I see you.” Yoongi replied, “it’s not that big of a deal compared to what I’ve asked of you before”

“At this point it don’ matta darlin, I’m doin errythin for ya. An I don’ mind” Jimin answered with the same amused and flirtatious voice that now somehow seemed reserved for Yoongi. “Can’ wait ta feel ya baby” he added his voice dipping low. Yoongi hid the arousal from his voice as he just hummed back and then proceeded to end the call. He knew was fucked, but hey at least he was also getting fucked.

—

For @ask-gangtan (I’m obsessed)

[cosmosogler]

didn’t do much today. got up before 10:30. stumbled into the bathroom and took my meds. felt like i was forgetting some, but i took them in order and i was looking at my bedtime meds. i normally wake up on my chest but it’s so sore these days that i usually end up on my back when i put my alarm on snooze for a few minutes in the morning.

i cooked myself the other two veggie burgers for lunch, and i almost ate both of them. it seemed like my appetite was coming back a little bit. i was very lethargic all day. wasn’t focusing very hard on anything in particular. i did beat the beginner doubles battles and multi battles over the course of the day at least. so... i can start doing the more difficult challenge. the final goal would be a 200-win streak to get every item you can win, but i don’t really need the last item... i don’t think i would use it. i would just know i had it. i’ve never gotten it before. i think that’s been the grand prize since generation 3. i’ve never even seen anyone use it for anything. it’s really dependent on luck in battle and by the time it activates half the potential boosts wouldn’t be helpful.

the second to last prize doesn’t seem like that big a deal either. i’m more interested in hitting a 50-win streak. that’s when you get the stamp in your trainer passport. which is even more useless than either of the grand prizes! 

well, technically, nothing in the game helps me personally. i just do it because it’s fun. or, when it’s not fun, i can trick myself into feeling like i accomplished something.

anyway while i was flopped on my desk i managed to call the doctor and she can see me tomorrow morning. it’s even at a nice time for me. i gotta finish this prescription first though so i can stay on my “start on sunday” schedule... luckily the next few days are just sugar pills so hopefully the side effects will cool off a little bit.

i was thinking about maybe taking pictures of wiley while we’re out in the yard. i used to like taking pictures, and wiley is a really pretty dog. eve and doge don’t like the camera so i generally have to pretend i’m using my phone to text and turn off all the sound. they only notice i’m trying to take a picture if i point the lens at them. it’s kind of funny. they do it with my 3ds too since it has the lenses.

or i take pictures of them zoomed in through the window while they’re lounging in the yard. i took a really good picture of eve and doge laying together in the shade a few years ago. i’ll put it in a post. i think i’ve uploaded it before but it makes me happy to look at it.

for dinner mom and dad decided they wanted mexican food. i was crying internally because ralberto’s is so bad, but mom said she was talking about manuel’s. manuel’s is on bell road and it has THE BEST SALSA. i have never tasted better salsa in my life in any mexican restaurant i’ve been to. the only person who makes better salsa than manuel’s family is my aunt sharon. i don’t know what she puts in it but i can’t ever get enough of it. and she must make it in her bathtub because there’s buckets of it when she makes it for parties. when i’m at her house sometimes for my cousins’ birthdays i end up just sitting by the salsa tank.

i got sidetracked. the point was that i went with dad to pick up this mexican food and then i sat and ate it. i got sick right as i had the first bite of my enchilada but i forced myself to keep eating because i have been so hungry. 

while i was on the road with dad there was a song that came on the radio and dad was like, “oh man, i used to play this song all the time in my firebird.” he told me about the Good Old Days when he had a convertible and long hair and an enormous speaker set  that he kept in the back seat so he could blast this single song every time he rolled up to his friends. he said he had it on a cassette and it was the first track so he could always find it right away to put it on when he got in earshot of his friends.

i kinda looked at him and i said “i admire your dedication to having a theme song.”

then he told me that before junior year of high school for a few years he just flat out had no friends because they all started doing drugs and he didn’t want to so he stopped hanging out with them. and judging from how his brother turned out (dead) he had good reason. i didn’t know uncle jimmy very well. he had trouble following rules, i think he gets that from his mom. my dad’s like that too sometimes. he won’t do something just because you asked/told him to do it.

he was chronically homeless so we’d let him stay at our place. we’d gotten this house specifically to house long term guests. we’ve had a variety of people stay with us between houses or jobs. but uncle jimmy, he had an ancient beetle with faded blue paint, and he was always working on it. and by working on it i mean he would disappear and leave his car in our garage. it had a sticker on the window that said “skydive naked - balls out” and mom would turbo frown every time she saw it. the rule he had to follow was “don’t smoke” because dad hates the smell and also if you don’t properly dispose of the butts the dogs get into them. but that wasn’t the reason, it was mostly just because dad hated the smell and mom liked having A Rule. they probably had other arrangements that i was too young to be told about. 

he got sick. i don’t know how or with what. a heart attack? he’d always been a real bruiser, but prone to getting overweight. but he died. dad didn’t let any of us go to the funeral because his family tends to get drunk at gatherings and they often top off their reunions with a good brawl.

the point of that story was that dad grew up pretty poor but married into a rich family of basically immigrants who got lucky with their engineering degrees. but even though dad is now securely in the middle class he thinks of himself as the perpetual tough guy blue collar underdog. i think that’s why he keeps his part time job at ups, aside from the great insurance that i need to live and have depended on for 14 years since my heart surgery. he likes to come off as gruff and badass but he’s kind of, a tired old supernerd. it’s fascinating how much time he puts into cultivating his look. 

and jimmy was bigger and stronger than him! dad’s the responsible one in his family!!

but i think he still, kind of, has that attitude of, i don’t know, having to physically fight everyone that he had growing up. i don’t know how to describe it. i also am not quite sure how his political views work. he seems to be getting more moderate and also more extreme as he gets older. he’s always been a huge fan of unions, but not when they start strikes, but he hates getting screwed over by the board of directors of ups, but he supports big business because that’s what the greatest country in history was built on. like, he’s a republican in theory, but as soon as the downsides of conservative policies affect him he gets frustrated. but he also gets frustrated when people take action to get a better working environment because “things aren’t that bad.” 

hmm. it’s like, he expects things to be bad for him, because that’s his lot in life, and only whiners complain about what they’re given. he’s like that with mom too. and he’s pretty catholic and very traditional with masculinity and the nuclear family dynamic. it’s like, a self fulfilling prophecy with him. he expects things to be bad, so he reacts to everything as if he’s already in a bad place, which gets him into a bad place?

he always calls me a wuss because i’m more of a pacifist. even though i’ve been bullied and in fights before... but then he turns around and says “you’re a better person than me.” and he taught me how to fistfight effectively. it feels like his opinion of me depends on his mood.

he also laughed at me after i was working on barbara’s car with him yesterday. we went in the grocery store to get her stuff and i said i was gonna go wash my hands because they were oily and dusty. he said this is why i’m always sick and licked his fingers. i said i don’t like having dirty grease all over my fingers and i’m gonna wash it off. he said something like a little grease never hurt anyone. 

i dunno. i really don’t like having anything on my hands or face. it’s a little weird because when i do stuff like yardwork or building i have trouble getting started. but as soon as i get started i’m fine with it. until i’m not doing it any more, and then i need my hands clean immediately. it’s like swimming. i don’t want to get wet, and then when i’m in the pool or ocean i have a great time, and then when i get out of the water i want to be dry immediately and am super uncomfortable until i’ve washed my hair because it feels all grimy if i don’t at least soap it off afterward. or i get sand on my feet and don’t want to put on my shoes or walk anywhere off the beach until my feet are c l e a n. 

maybe i set myself up for failure there too. i really don’t handle germs well, immune system wise. i think my immune system didn’t develop properly because my body was always in overdrive mode with the bad heart. so i was sick literally all the time even when i had just been sick with the same strain of flu and it always takes me weeks to recover from anything. since high school i’ve started getting better and only get sick maybe three times a year in a good year. this year’s been bad so far though especially with the mysterious illness.

so i learned to keep everything clean and then i REALLY never built up my resistance to disease.

i also wash my hands every time i drive, but that’s because i have watched mother sneeze directly onto the steering wheel more than once.

i feel a little better when i’m writing my journal entries. it keeps my mind off how bad i feel physically. but then i start feeling emotionally junky when i bring up all these buried feelings and memories. 

eve seemed to be feeling much better today. she was back to walking just sort of funny, the way she’s always walked. the only time she moves her legs normally is when she’s running or prancing around. and even then she runs greyhound style, not regular dog style. so i think the odd way she carries her hind legs is more a greyhound thing than a leg thing. 

i was talking to dad about how she used to catch the birds in our backyard when she was younger. dad said she caught a lot of birds. i said that if i’d been the hunting type she would have been a beast at nabbing waterfowl. she probably wouldn’t be too good at catching rabbits though, she’s too heavyset to turn quickly enough. she’s got, like, the legs and face and ears of a greyhound, but the chest and fur and tail and feet of a black lab. so when she runs into you she hits like a truck. the birds never stood a chance. dad said the worst was when she brought birds to the door that were only half dead. 

she’s also, sort of, abnormally good at manipulating her environment, for an animal? if something’s in her way she either jumps over it or pushes it. diogi and wiley have never touched the baby gate, and if a door is cracked open they treat it like it’s closed because they see that they won’t fit through the crack. but eve hops the baby gate or tips it over, and pushes open doors, and actively tricks the other dogs. she’s not much for standing on her back legs, but if she was i probably could have taught her to flip the lights when she wanted. ping was a little bit similar, where he figured out how to open doors and he liked to push everything off the counters and all the photo frames off my dresser. but he never applied more force to anything than a tap. when we velcroed the modem to the counter he stopped tipping it over even though he could have easily gotten it if he’d pushed harder.

she also recognizes a lot of words and phrases. wiley and diogi are pretty good at that too, but eve figured out “cross here” for crossing the street during our walks and “this way” when she turned the wrong way at a fork in the road, while wiley seems to think i am babbling at him. she also picks up really fast on when you’re trying to teach a new trick to wiley and will start doing it sometimes. there’s a few tricks she doesn’t do mostly because she doesn’t like people touching her paws. she wags her tail, very tiny wags, when she’s confused.

she’s also the only animal who’s ever like, grabbed me and tried to take me somewhere. wiley grabs my arm sometimes but he usually just wants to play tug of war.

i dunno. i’ve been writing for a really long time now. i forgot to do some daily stuff in pokemon. i don’t want to leave it until i wake up... but it’s also after 1 and i want  to sleep. it’ll only take a few minutes.

[sing-swan-spring-swan]

KOTLC Secret Santa

@insanewallaby hey! i’m your secret santa! and there are two reasons why this is a day late. one, i really wanted to present this to you as a finished product that actually contained sokeefe, unfortunately, reason two, i have never written for sokeefe before. or sophie. or keefe. and writing is hard. so here is part one of your secret santa fic! part two will be coming later, hopefully with a great deal more of originally promised sokeefe.

The universe had to have something against him.

That was the only possible explanation for Keefe’s life. Honestly, it was like he wasn’t allowed to go a day without something blowing up in his face. Sometimes literally. He just wants, for once, a single day to be normal, where the biggest problem he has to face is Elwin’s bad locker taste picks. But no, apparently the world is determine to ruin his life. And, because Keefe has the worst luck this side of Atlantis, today is the day things go really wrong. He had spent hours in his dorm trying to work up the courage to confess his massive crush to Sophie, and finally resolved to do it today. He had prepared a speech and everything.

And then the Neverseen just had to barge in and ruin everything.

Keefe would never tell anyone out loud, but he was terrified. They were at Foxfire, the one place where they were supposed to be safe. The place had more protection than anywhere in the entire elven world. Unfortunately, despite all the effort on keeping the Neverseen out, the elves never thought the Neverseen might want to keep them in. Now they were trapped, held as hostages, locked in by the force field surrounding them. And Keefe was petrified. Course, he didn’t actually say any of this. Nah, he was Keefe the jokester, Keefe the self-proclaimed ladies man! He couldn’t be afraid.

So instead, he said, “Man, a force field? That will ruin my hair. Do they know how long it takes for me to get it looking this good? Clearly, the Neverseen have no respect for beauty.”

Fitz groaned, Dex glared, and Biana facepalmed, but Keefe caught the tail-end of Sophie’s smile before she schooled he features back into stern save-the-world stiffness. It was a small victory, but any smile from Sophie was a victory nonetheless. Especially now, when they were crouched in an abandoned classroom, crowded around their one map of Foxfire and a pile of failed plans, hiding from the Neverseen prowling the halls. They were searching for Sophie, and everyone knew it, especially Sophie herself. So any joy he could bring to her face was an even bigger success than usual. Besides, she everyone looked much prettier when they smiled.

“And all my beauty products are at home! How am I supposed to fix the mess they’re making without my hair gel?” Keefe complained, putting a hand to his head and pretending to swoon into Sophie. “Oh, what am I to do?”

This time, Sophie let out an actual laugh before clapping her hand over her mouth.

“Shut up, Keefe,” Biana hissed. “Now is not the time. We need to plan.”

Keefe pouted, before he turned back to the map the others were poring over. His stuck-out lip earned another small smile from Sophie, and internally, he cheered. Woot woot, he thought, Master of Jokes in the house! Keefe wasn’t sure why it was such a good thing to be in the house, but according to the music on Sophie’s ipod it was, and he definitely had a good thing.

Unfortunately, despite Keefe’s incredible achievement, they were still no closer to an actually feasible plan. The Neverseen were everywhere, crawling like cockroaches over the Foxfire grounds. Any potential plan would inevitably lead to their capture. Sneaking out, no matter how they tried, always resulted in them getting caught. And they couldn’t rely on help from anyone else. The other students were too scared to do anything, and if they’d gone to anyone else, there was a high chance that person would just panic, or worse, turn them over. Even Biana, their perpetual optimist, was starting to give up.

“It’s hopeless,” Fitz said, burying his head in his hands. “We’ve tried everything. The only place we haven’t tested is the towers, and we can’t jump off those without getting seriously hurt. We’re stuck.”

Dex reached for Fitz. He pulled Fitz’s hands into his own, and their fingers entwined. “Don’t say that. We’re gonna get out of this, okay?”

Fitz looked up to Dex, and Keefe saw some of the worry on Fitz’s face fade. The two returned to the map, hands still joined. Keefe stared at the sketches of previous plans too, but didn’t see anything new. He’d planned pranks before, but in this, he was out of his league. Still, he had to try. They all did, if they wanted to get out of here. Keefe went back to the map and glared at it, as if that would force it to reveal an escape plan. He was so engrossed in his staring match with the piece of paper that he almost missed it when Dex gasped and sat up straighter, before grabbing a pencil and scribbling furiously on another piece of paper.

“What is it?” Biana asked, leaning in.

When Dex didn’t answer, Keefe started to get worried.

“Dex, what are you doing?” Keefe poked him, gently – well, gently-ish – but he was still hyper-focused on the paper.

“Dex, what did you see?” Fitz said, and that was when Dex finally looked up. Determination blazed in his eyes, making them look almost like steel-blue flames.

“We tried everything but the towers, and nothing worked. So we’re going to jump off the towers.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Fitz said.

Keefe coughed and muttered, “Nothing about you is straight,” under his breath. Fitz, unfortunately, heard, and glared at him. Keefe didn’t see what the problem was. Even if they weren’t actually dating, Fitz and Dex had been pining after each other for weeks. Keefe was just helping them – they needed the extra prodding. Still, all of his hard work would have been ruined if they didn’t make it out of here alive, so Keefe brought his attention back to Fitz.

“-lan is that we head out to campus and draw the Neverseen’s attention, while Sophie sneaks up to one of the towers. She’ll jump off, teleport out, and teleport back in with help.”

Dex, who was fiddling with something, nodded. “One person is harder to spot. And us being out there should make things easier. This little thing should help too.” He holds up the item he’s been tinkering with, and Sophie takes the box curiously. Keefe steps forward to poke and prod at the thing, but Dex fixes him with a glare and wow he did not know Dex could be that scary. Keefe steps back.

“This is a smoke bomb. Or, well, sort of. I’m not sure what’s taught in this room, but there’s a lot of chalk dust, so I used that. Just make sure you cover your mouth.”

Keefe reaches for the edge of his cape and rips off a piece.

“Here. So you don’t choke on chalk dust. Would be a bit of a letdown, huh?”

Sophie was too concerned to really smile, but she took it gratefully.

“So, I go hide now?” she asked.

“Yup,” said Biana, popping the p, “and we’ll protect you.”

“Stay safe, okay, Foster?” Keefe added, and it wasn’t enough, wasn’t everything he needed to say to her but it was all he could.

“I’ll try.”

It was not enough for her either, but there was no time for heartfelt goodbyes or last words. Sophie turned around and left.

Once she went away, there was an awkward silence in the air. Everyone knew what they were getting into, but no one wanted to say it. Keefe decided he had to.

“So, we’re going into a crazy battle at a disadvantage on turf the enemy control and we stand practically no chance of surviving? Sounds like my kind of battle.”

He had been trying for some happiness, a bit of levity, but it seemed as if he’d failed. Biana was biting her lip so hard it looked like she might draw blood. Fitz had his head down, as if he couldn’t look up. And Dex . . . Dex had started trembling, shaking like a leaf in autumn.

“Dex, what’s wrong?”

Dex looked up, shaking his head, tears trickling down the edges of his eyes. He forced words out, gasping in between, choking back sobs.

“I- I’m so- sorry, I couldn’t- think-  of a better plan, I wanted- to get everyone- out, I don’t- want you- to die-“

Fitz pulled him into a hug, muffling his cries. As he wept, Fitz whispered meaningless words, unkeepable promises, in a futile attempt to help. There was nothing Fitz could say anyway. In the end, Dex had made the plan that would likely get them killed, and there was nothing anyone could do to remove that guilt. The awkward silence grew until it was almost a tangible thing, punctuated only by Dex’s quiet weeping. It was black, oily, rising around their throats, choking them, and Keefe didn’t know how to stop it. He didn’t know what to say. He’d tried to lighten the mood, to make a joke out of it, and he’d only made things ten times worse. Helpless, he cast a glance towards Biana, begging her to fix this. Biana stared at the ground, but when she met Keefe’s eyes she saw the plea on his face, and the uncomfortable truth: she had to pull them together now. Keefe watched as she stiffened, straightened, turning her shoulders and spine to steel.

“Hey, look. No one likes this, but we have no choice. There is no better plan. We have to do this. For Sophie.” She stretched a hand out to Keefe, who took it gladly, relieved that Biana had managed to say exactly what they all needed to hear.

“For Sophie,” he replied, reaching for Fitz, who kept holding Dex with one hand and slipped the other, now-free hand into his.

“For Sophie,” Fitz repeated. He looked down at Dex, who, although his sobs had tapered off, still had his face buried in Fitz’s shoulder. Keefe saw him take a deep breath. Dex turned out to face them all, and moved his hand into Fitz’s.

“For Sophie,” he finished.

There was silence again, but this time it was crackling with power. They stood together, determined, afraid but unwavering, staring into the eyes of death and refusing to look away. In that moment, Keefe swore he could hear everything left unsaid, the confessions and answers and apologies they didn’t have time to speak out loud. It was the closest thing to closure they would get. It wasn’t like Keefe wanted to die. None of them did. They wanted to graduate Foxfire, get their match lists, get jobs and a home and see the world. They wanted so much more from their lives. But Keefe knew, this was war. And in war, people make sacrifices. They had to do this, for the entire world, elven and human. For Sophie.

Keefe let the silence and the power in it resonate before he spoke.

“Now let’s go kick some Neverseen butt.”