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capricornus-rex · 4 years

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Old Friend, New Family (2)

Requested by: Anon | Prompt:

Hey I was wondering if you’d take a prompt where the reader is an ex-padawan who’s master died pretty early on in order 66, and was instead saved by a clone that removed his inhibitor chip. Then maybe they get separated, and years later when the reader is a crew member on the Mantis, they come across the clone again? How would the crew, especially Cal and Cere, react to meeting a friendly ex-soldier clone who’s close with the reader? Could you make it full of angst then fluff? Love your writing!

Tags: Defected! Clone Trooper, Jedi Survivor! Reader, Order 66 Survivor

Also posted in AO3

Previous: Part 1 | Next: Part 3 | Masterlist

2 of ?

The Kel Dor master used the Force to open the door and at least five Clone Troopers clustered together at the door, blocking your only exit out of the room, and it’s only the two of you against them. Taking cover from their fire behind the office desk, banking their shots was the only possibly strategy if you want to get out of the office and to the Starfighters.

Mere minutes ago, you were guarding against blaster fire from droids… and now you’re trading them with your own clones—the men who you thought were your most trusted allies.

This can’t be happening! What went wrong?!

The distress in your mind was loud enough for Master Karos to take notice.

With your backs pressed against the desk for cover, Master Karos could only afford a few seconds to tell you a compressed version of his plan within less than twenty words.

“Padawan, listen to me very carefully. The clones have betrayed us. The Starfighters—we have to get to the Starfighters. It’s our only way of escape!”

“I don’t understand what’s happening. Why are they trying to kill us all of a sudden!?”

“The Council must have an answer for this. In the meantime, we have to get out of this palace and get to the landing pad. We have to get rid of those at the door. Ready?”

You nodded and followed your master’s lead. It appears some of them hugged the wall and blindly fired from where they hid. The last Clone Trooper standing in your way of the exit fell lifeless to the ground.

“The exit’s open! Go, [y/n]!” the Kel Dor bellowed.

You leaped over the pile of bodies that blocked the door from ever closing. The corridor is seemingly empty, but you’re half-anticipating that there would be more. Master Karos clutched your shoulder and bent down so his eyes are level to yours.

“Stay close to me. Keep running and don’t look back. Understand?”

You were stuck between catching your breath while fighting back sobs as you’re scared and confused all at the same time. The only reply he got from you is a nod, but it was an answer nonetheless. He stole a moment to look at you—suddenly, he remembered that small, bright-eyed child in the Temple and he stroked the back of your head before standing up.

Perhaps, this is the first time you saw him genuinely smile past his protective mask—and apparently the last.

“Now, [y/n]… Run!”

Keeping up with your master’s running pace, the clone troopers came from all sides of the halls. There was no need for close combat, though you had to deflect their blasts in quick succession—some ricocheted against the walls, others met its mark on the clone troopers’ bodies.

“Almost there, [y/n]—keep running!”

The more you both ran, the little you did in protecting yourselves from the clones in using your weapons, it was more evading their fire when it was only two of three of them—you only whipped out your saber when there was more of them waiting for you to show up in the next turn.

In bigger groups, Zal Karos would simply incapacitate the clones with his Force push and shut the door by destroying the panel. Later on, you ended up running ahead of him while he covers you from the flank. You went ahead in the next turn, but you were too eager to escape that you didn’t look the other way.

“I found the child!” the clone shouted and pulled the trigger on you.

Your last-minute deflect was flimsy, resulting to the projectile grazing the corner of your shoulder. The next shot was better and you returned fire to the clone trooper who injured you before continuing on.

“Master, I see the landing pad!”

“Good, [y/n], come on!”

By the time you got to the entrance of the landing pad, the clone troopers at your tail have increased in numbers. Master Karos could only hold them off enough for you to reach your objective. You’ve returned to the scene of the carnage from the siege that transpired mere minutes ago, but you and your master have been outnumbered by the clone troopers closing in on you from behind.

“Nowhere to run.” One of the clones snarled with a sinister persistence.

Indeed, it seems that there is nowhere to run. The Jedi Master saw only one last possibility for survival—and he wasn’t in it. However, he knew that perfectly well, and he made peace with that just now.

“[y/n], my Padawan, whatever happens… Survive!”

“What…?!”

The clones raised their rifles in full unison and their fingers curled against the triggers; a second’s notice was all he can afford but it was all Master Karos needs—he lifted you high up with the Force, he tossed you away to a distance far from the circle of clone troopers that surrounded you. From where you lie, you could barely see him over the clones’ shoulders that stood in the way, with your limited view you can see that he continued to fight even when it was a dozen to one.

The beams of the projectiles illuminated the circle of troopers and then you watched his body falter and jerk for every shot he took. You saw Zal Karos’s body fall flat to the floor but the clones continued to fire at him.

He fell down with his face turned to you, even with such a long distance, you can tell that your eyes meet.

“NOOO!!!” you screeched.

There was nothing you can do about him now.

SURVIVE, [Y/N]!

You heard his voice in your head, and that was enough to snap you back to your senses. Seeing that you were back outside in the city proper, you sought for a place to hide, stealing some detonators from fallen clones’ utility belts along the way for extra protection.

In the distance, the troopers exchange questions and orders.

“Where’s the little one!?”

“I don’t know, she can’t be far ahead!”

“Sweep the area! She can’t do much against us!”

You slipped into the wreckage of a LAAT gunship and hid in the cockpit for an indefinite time, despite its destruction, your size was enough for you to keep yourself out of sight. You curled into a ball, hugged your knees as you wept for this disaster and for your chaos. An ocean of questions flooded your little mind as the trauma slowly devoured your willpower.

Is it over?

Am I going to die here?

Please, anybody… help.

In a time that felt like days have passed, the thunders of war seemed to have ceased. You crawled out of your hiding spot and attempted to return to the scene where you saw Master Karos for the final time.

Master, did you die because of me? Because you had to save me? Did you really think I was helpless or useless or both?

Your feet dragged through the body-strewn streets of the city, careful not to step on any of the fallen clones’ bodies, you looked around and saw their lifeless eyes peeking through the broken portions of their helmets—you felt a chill crawl down your already-weak spine—but continued on.

Eventually, you found Master Karos’s body left to rot in front of the city gates. The dust has settled on his robes as he remained in the last position you saw him. You knelt down and gently rolled him over with the remaining strength you have in your body right now. His skin has paled, his head bobbed to your direction, and knowing that there is nothing you can do anymore, you clutched his cold, dead hands and hunched over his body to weep.

“It’s over…” you sobbed. “We lost… I’m sorry, Master.”

The wind has picked up, the inferno crackled from the distance, and you remained there with your master on the ground; you stayed there until you could regain enough strength to bury him. It’s the only honor you can bestow to him. Even though you’re stricken with grief, you can sense someone approaching you; you feigned, pretending that you don’t anticipate the stranger coming to you, the click of the safety prompted your ear to twitch.

What good can fighting do, anyway? I’m as good as dead.

You slowly raised your arms while still hunched over your master’s body.

“Oh, hey… Kid, are you okay?”

You’re startled by the compassion of the voice behind you—it was obviously a clone’s voice. Slowly lowering your hands and then glancing over your shoulder, you were correct when it was a clone but he didn’t behave hostile and trigger-happy like the others. The first thing you noticed is the motif of a horned creature with fangs painted above his helmet’s visor—from that, you knew which clone this was.

“Strig?”

He took off his helmet and revealed his face, confirming his identity—his head was shaven but growth had begun to show, a faint stubble traced his jaw and ended with a goatee, and the same motif was tattooed on one side of his head.

He was cautious with how he approached you, knowing that you’re obviously terrified with what transpired mere hours ago. He noticed the way you scoot closer to your master.

“Are you hurt?” he asked you again.

He slowly reached for your jaw, but you avoided him, apparently there was a cut that you must’ve gotten when Master Karos tossed you out of the line of fire; and then his hand hovered to your shoulder, pointing to where the blaster graze is.

Your fingers absentmindedly tapping the wound with the dried blood. “Are you going to kill me now?”

The clone’s eyebrows furrowed together, “No, why would I do that?”

“Because everyone else tried to.”

The clone sighed, seeming to be in the same page of confusion as you are—the only difference is that he has a better inkling about the manslaughter that happened hours ago. The seemingly-defected clone offered you his hand and helped you back up on your feet.

“Strig… what’s happened? Why did the clones tried to kill us?”

“That’s… look, it’s a bit complicated, [y/n],”

“Believe me, I’ve seen more complicated things to understand,”

Strig sighed when he knew you’re going to persist for answers. He sidetracked you on offering to help you bury Master Karos’s body.

“That was what you’re planning to do, right?”

“Yeah, I just… I was just too weak to move.”

“Okay, kid, let me give you a hand.”

The clone helped in digging the hole, in the meantime, you tore off the pauldron bearing the insignia of the Jedi Order, and then used the Force to gently put Master Karos along with his lightsaber in his final resting place. The pauldron acted as a marker.

“I’m sorry if it’s not much, Master. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to save you. Still, I hope you find peace—for you are now one with the Force.” You prayed on your knees.

After your prayer, Strig helped you again on your feet, “Come on, kid. There’s nothing left for us here. But you don’t have to be alone anymore, you know. I got your back—as long as you promise you have mine!”

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funface2 · 5 years

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101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle.

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes 150 Good Morning Quotes 100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes 50 Friday Quotes 50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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Bài viết 101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

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marcusssanderson · 6 years

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Funny Inspirational Quotes Celebrating Life, Love, & Struggles

Looking for funny inspirational quotes and sayings for when you just need a laugh?

We all need to laugh more.

As they say, “laughter is the best form of medicine”.

While the doctor might not prescribe it, the ability to find humor in our situation is key for maintaining of sanity, patience, and peace of mind.

Believing in our future doesn’t have to be scary, and change doesn’t have to be painful.

You are allowed to have fun along the way!

Don’t hesitate to take it easy at times.

Smile at strangers, laugh at yourself, and know that you’re free to start over.

I received a request to post some funny inspirational quotes, so I went for it.

These funny inspirational quotes are pretty tame (around 5 – 10 schools have made me aware that they use my blog as a quote resource), but they will surely make you smile!

On our journey towards personal greatness, it’s important that we laugh at our setbacks, slip-ups, and blunders.

Why? That’s because plenty more are on the way.

To help you stay focused and stay loose, below is our collection of funny inspirational quotes, collected from a variety of sources over the years.

Have fun reading!

Funny inspirational quotes for work and life

1.) “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

2.) “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

3.) “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

4.) “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

5.) “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

6.) “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

7.) “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

8.) “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman

9.) “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

10.) “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

Funny inspirational quotes about life that will motivate you

11.) “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

12.) “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

13.) “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris

14.) “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

15.) “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

16.) “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

17.) “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

18.) “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

19.) “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd

20.) “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Funny inspirational quotes about life and career

21.) “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes

22.) “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz

23.) “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

24.) “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

25.) “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

26.) “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

27.) “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.” – Robert Bresson

28.) “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

29.) “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne

30.) “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

Funny Inspirational quotes for life

31.) “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West

32.) “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

33.) “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London

34.) “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

35.) “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” – Unknown

36.) “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

37.) “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

38.) “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov

39.) “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote

40.) “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

Short funny quotes and sayings about work

41.) “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” – Marie Osmond

42.) “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

43.) “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

44.) “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

45.) “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones

46.) “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen

47.) “The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.”

48.) “Dear life, when I said: ‘Can my day get any worse?’ It was rhetorical, not a challenge.”

49.) “Cleaning up is just putting stuff in less obvious places.”

50.) “It amazes me how much exercise and extra fires sound alike.”

More funny inspirational quotes and sayings

51.) “I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.”

52.) “In m defense, I was left unsupervised.”

53.) “Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.”

54.) I walk around like everything is fine. But deep down, inside my show, my sock is sliding off.”

55.) “It’s called Karma, and it’s pronounced, ‘Haha, f*** you ‘.”

56.) “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”

57.) “I think my guardian angel drinks.”

58.) “So it turns out that being an adult is really just Googling how to do stuff.”

59.) “I don’t think there will be enough coffee or middle fingers for this Monday.”

60.) “Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping!”

Funny inspirational quotes to motivate you

61.) Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Eddison

62.) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carli

63.) If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. – Donald Trump

64.) My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg

65.) “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” — Sam Levenson

66.) “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

67.) Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain

68.) “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

69.) “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick

70.) I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. – Karan Patel

Funny inspirational quotes for everyone

71.) “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ – Robert Downey Jr.

72.) “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett

73.) “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

74.) “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein

75.) “I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.” – John Green

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weholyperfectioncollectorme-blog · 6 years

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"Where do i get health insurance in texas. im 18?

18 year old male. Parents dropped me. Sad day:(. Haha so where would I find cheap good health insurance :)

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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18 year old male. Parents dropped me. Sad day:(. Haha so where would I find cheap good health insurance :)

Planning ahead for car insurance ADVICE.?

OK, So I have recently passed my driving test and am now currently trying to sort out a car for myself. As a young driver I know insurance is high. All I want to do is find out how much the insurance is on each small car, so I can find the cheapest. E.G KA ETC. I have looked online such as confused.com and they ask you for the number plate and ask questions about the specific car. Obviously I can't fill it in because I haven't got one. Is there a website that will show all insurance companies and their prices????? Many thanks.""

When do I get the prepaid home owners insurance back?

I prepaid 1 year home owners insurance at closing on my home. I have also been paying monthly as part of my escrow payments for home owners insurance. What happens to the prepaid years worth of insurance payments? Do they always just need a buffer of 1 year and I get it back only when I sell the house or can it get applied to my second year and allow me to lower my escrow payments?

Cheap NY auto insurance ?

hi there, i plan on buying a car soon but im a new driver and i have no one else to help me insure a car so i have no choice but to insure it on my own. I've checked and looked around geico, state farm, all state, and they were all to expensive, anywhere from 5-6k to insure the car for a year (way to expensive). So do any of you guys know any NY auto insurance companies that are affordable? Thanks""

What Multiline Insurance Company is the Best?

I need an insurance company that will do all line of insurance. Life, Auto, Home, Disability, Long Term Care and even Financial products. I heard COUNTRY insurance does that but I'm not sure.""

I got into a motorcycle accident. insurance question...?

When I wiped out on my bike I tried to make a claim after I got home from the hospital. Little did I know that my insurance coverage had ended two days before the accident. Now my question is, will my health insurance pay for my medical bills from the accident or will they deny me because of my lack of motorcycle insurance at the time of the accident? When I found out about my lack of coverage, I immediately paid and got up to date but they told me that those two days when my coverage ended will not be covered... am I gonna get hit with all the medical bills? Or will my health insurance step up and cover me?""

How much would car insurance cost for an 18 year old?

I have 2000 toyota celica and I had my license for almost 1 year. I was in a car accident(my fault) and my car was under my mom's insurance but the insurance company doesnt want to cover the celica anymore due to the fact that I was driving it. I will be 18 on september and I was wondering how much would it cost montly for me since Im going to CSUN and ill be commuting, and i don't want to pay too much. I live in california""

What is the best place for an 18 year old to get health insurance?

My ex is dropping my daughter from his insurance because she is 18. To pick her up on my insurance would triple my premium, which is already outrageous. Is there a reasonable policy out there for a healthy 18 year old?""

How much my insurance will go up?

I had an accident which totaled my car. I am 100% at fault for that accident and my car worth 15000$. I have clear driving record and no tickets in past two years. How much will my insurance go up I am paying 900$ for six months

Will a B average my freshman year apply to an auto insurance discount?

I had a 3.2 last year (my freshman) year, and as of now I have about a 2.5. I'll be getting my car soon, so if I can't bring it up by then, will they accept last year's GPA so I can get a 10% discount?""

Motorcycle insurance full coverage?

I pay full coverage for my motorcycle and my co worker who is still paying on his bike has way cheaper insurance then me. Were the same age. Is it possible not to have full coverage when you have a loan for the bike? I know your suppose to, i do but i would think the insurance company could find out some how if you told them it was paid off..right?""

Is there an industry that does not utilize insurance?

I need to name one industry that does not utilize insurance. Please help! Thanks!

Do cheaper old cars make insurance higher?

Ive been looking up cheap old cars such as 1995 peugeot 106 the insurance is still over 2000! is it because im looking at cars that cost 400? Im looking for a really cheap car to buy and has the average insurance price any suggestions ?

How to reduce payments for young car driver insurance ?

how to minimize it ?

Im looking for affordable/cheap health insurance for my children...?

I have two children.One is 2 the other is 4months.I do not want to go through the system because it will cause a lot of division between me and their father.We are still together.It already causes arguments like the fact that he will be on child support.So we decided to look for affordable insurance online that he can pay once a month.Im having trouble finding one.ANY HELP????

Legal question about car insurance.?

My son was at a party, an aquaintance asked for his car keys to get some drink out of the boot. He then stole the car and crashed it. Only a provisional licence. The car, which is a company car, is a right off. The insurance company are saying that they may not pay out. Who ultimately is responsible.""

Thought I found a solution to high car insurance... Not so sure now?

He-yo.... I'm guessing any young newly qualified driver out there would of already found out is the shear cost of getting yer car insured. I know as I'm 18, male which supposedly makes me high risk so the cheapest insurance I got was 3820 and that's only for third party, and the car is only a 1.2 litre Renault Clio. My instructor mentioned that he heard a scheme that's being done for young new drivers, companies called: Young Banana & Young Marmalade The idea is that these companies have merged together with insurance companies to fill a gap in the market which is us young drivers. The scheme is that you buy a new car or a nearly new car with these guys and the car will come with affordable insurance. I had a look at it and decided to get a quote just out of interest with a new car. So I selected the nearly new car category and went with the new shaped Renault Clio. You can select to buy the car straight away or get it financed over a period of months with 60 being the longest, I got 150 monthly payment as the average which is just payment for the car. The first years insurance came as 1635, (got all excited and jumping, over - reacting) provided that your parents have a good record they are added to the policy for free. I was thinking that it was too good to be true, new car, affordable insurance. But then could be too good of a deal to go without some hidden catches. I dunno what makes me suspicious about these sites but the more I investigate into it the more I feel that this could become quite expensive. Here are the websites in question: Young Banana - http://www.togreenstreets.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=16&Itemid=32 Young Marmalade - http://www.youngmarmalade.co.uk/index.php When I investigated Young Marmalade in more depth it was the insurance that got to me cause my first initial thought was that you pay for the insurance continually with them as long as you own the car, but it looks more like a 12 month deal that has to be renewed each time.... The car as well comes out cheaper then its usual retail price (if new) or usual price for its mileage (if nearly new) so I started to think that theres a one off payment at the end of the contract to own the car.. What do you guys think of this?""

Motorcycle insurance for a 17 year old in california?

hey im 17 years old, and got the money together for my first bike. i went down to the dealership and was about to buy the bike when i found out insurance cost like 4k for full coverage. i want full coverage but dont wanna pay through the nose for it. i have not owned a bike before and i really want one, but im not sure if i can aford to. so my question is does anyone know what i should do to resolve my problem? preferably recomendations of good insurance comannys. thanks so much""

Is the premium the only determinant of how much your health insurance costs?

Does the deductible matter? Does a possible subsidy change things? And most importantly, are you taking into account what you would have to pay out of pocket for things your junk plan does not cover? In the long run, even if your premium goes up but you get better coverage, you will save money.""

""Hit a mailbox, will cost $2,500 to fix, how much will my insurance go up?""

The other night i crashed into a mailbox. It was completely my fault and it will cost $2,500 to fix it. I was wondering how much my insurance premium will go up per year about? I am 20 years old and have gotten 1 ticket before.""

Someone hit my dad's car with no insurance?

So my dad was on his way home from work. At an intersection, he was waiting for the light to turn green, when suddenly someone hit him from the back, probably because the person didn't stop in time. So the person waved his hand to go somewhere to park and exchange information. Notice, no witness besides the two of them. Well, it was a crowded intersection and at dinner time, so no one stopped, and it's impossible to track any down. My dad was panicking, so he just followed the guy. Both exchanged legitimate information and drove home. When my dad got home, of course, it was past 8pm, so we couldn't call the insurance company. So we did all the paperwork the next day. It turned out, the guy's insurance had expired just 1 month before. We told the guy and he said okay and will pay by cash. My dad went to the autodealer and the price is about $4000. So the problem is now, we've been keep calling him and he doesn't pick up. He picked up the first couple of times, but now he doesn't anymore. We told him the price already. What should we do? Take him to court? I heard you don't get anything out of it. We have the guy's info, because his old insurance sent it. It happened on 16/01/2013 Orange County, California My dad's car Mercedes ML320 2001. Damage: the trunk is pretty damaged, can't open it anymore. Obvious it was hit by a car. We just want the guy to pay for what he did.""

Auto insurance settlement offer too low?

We were in an accident in September, my 4 y/o son and i went to see a chiropractor and i also seen a physical therapist a few times, (i actually still have pain from time to time in ...show more""

How Much Would It Cost to insure a Lancer Evo?

Can you pay car insurance for the whole year at once?

i see that many people pay per month, can i pay the whole year? and also for an 18 year old how much would insurance cost?""

Can my husband's employer to force him to pay for and enroll in company's insurance plan?

My husband received a letter from their corporate office stating that in 2014 all employees will have to enroll and pay premiums for health insurance on their plan and that if they ...show more

Where to find a Company for Affordable Individual Health Insurance Quote?

I know there are many places, but please fell free to recommend me affordable individual health insurance quote""

Where do i get health insurance in texas. im 18?

18 year old male. Parents dropped me. Sad day:(. Haha so where would I find cheap good health insurance :)

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-cost-basic-car-insurance-sibylla-henderson"

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marcusssanderson · 6 years

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Funny inspirational quotes about life, love, and struggles

Looking for funny inspirational quotes and sayings when you just need a laugh?

We all need to laugh more.

As they say, “laughter is the best form of medicine”.

While the doctor might not prescribe it, the ability to find humor in our situation is key for maintaining of sanity, patience, and peace of mind.

Believing in our future doesn’t have to be scary, and change doesn’t have to be painful.

You are allowed to have fun along the way!

Don’t hesitate to take it easy at times.

Smile at strangers, laugh at yourself, and know that you’re free to start over.

I received a request to post some funny inspirational quotes, so I went for it.

These funny inspirational quotes are pretty tame (around 5 – 10 schools have made me aware that they use my blog as a quote resource), but they will surely make you smile!

On our journey towards personal greatness, it’s important that we laugh at our setbacks, slip-ups, and blunders.

Why? That’s because plenty more are on the way.

Hopefully, these funny inspirational quotes help us stay focused and stay loose.

Keep them close to help make your journey through life more pleasurable.