#anyways royal trio supreme

[eternalmomentss]

Yes i played p5t and yes i played the dlc and (spoilers) -

I wanna say - i liked it, i really did, great move to bring the bouldering lore back, but also...atlus needs to stop putting the p5 cast and story in spoiler jail. Goro and Sumi should have had so many moments of reflection with Luca and Guernica but no - no they are not allowed to. You KNOW goro was shitting himself hearing about Guernica's power to meddle with the darkness in people's hearts...or at least i wanted him to...

[lillian-nator]

Everything below was made by Me, Eye, and Ethan over the course of like 3 days

Thank you (with additions from sleepy my beloved)

Like

Okay

So

Wilbur isn’t the oldest

Techno is

But it’s a war run empire, they take pride in their troops and armies and triumphs

The soldiers come first

So Techno is the commander in chief , the general

Wilbur, second born

Is heir to the throne

To the diplomatic side of the empire

and Tommy Gets shit

He doesn’t even understand why Phil had another kid

Of course there is the situation where Techno or Wilbur dies, or one of them steps down, but it won’t happen

Was he really born to be the understudy

he was born as a backup

Tommy was an accident but they’re not gonna let the public know that

like he's the Zuko

Phil doesn't really pay attention to him so his mother picks up the slack

Wilbur is 21

Techno’s 23

Tommy’s 17

However I have a really good idea for prince Tommy, just like what if he doesn’t like the way that people treat him? Like he doesn’t want all these yes men he wants to be he wants to be told now, he want somebody to tell him he that’s against the rules he just wants him like structure he just want someone to hate him he want someone to not like him and say no and tell him that he’s stupid which is why he does all of the stupid shit that he does

Ever since he was like 4

Everyone has said yes

He wants to defy them

He wants to just do something to make someone say no

That and he lowkey

He wants ~~Phil~~ Wilbur to pay attention to him

Is a Little Shit who causes so many problems on purpose to try and find someone who will push back against him

He wants someone to give him structure and discipline but overall he just wants his family’s attention

He’s broken shit, thrown temper tantrums, he’s started fights and he’ll he’s even snuck out and stole things

He’s never been stopped

People consider him snobby and spoiled

He's a brat

He gets everything he wants, but he doesn’t really want it, he just asks to see if they’ll tell him no

Tubbo = Stable Boy

Ranboo = Prince of another country (probably the americas)

Ranboo could definitely fit the role of an overseas royal prince who Tommy sees as a regal, spoiled, uppity little shit. Like Tubbo, who Tommy sneaks everywhere, has met Ranboo and likes him. Tommy can't possibly see why, he's unbearable.

Bench Trio = Best freinds

I think that Tommy and his brothers were always very very close

they just have jobs and shit

They took over Phil's shit

they probably drift apart as they get older, Wilbur and techno have duties and Tommy starts his quest for attention, they grow apart from their little brother without realizing it

Tommy and his mother (kristin) are always and have continued to be close

she definitely chides him, and tells him quietly to not do things for all of his "misbehaviors"

but there is only so much that she can do, because she has the duty to not make a scene

that and she's not who he's looking for attention from

You may be asking "How is crime recognized, identified, discussed, and atoned for?" more specifically, "Is it a 'you stole my bread so without asking anyone I'm cutting your hand off' or is it the US court system" ~~You may also be Ethan~~

The answer is:

like the UKs

But more like

Okay so the Supreme Judicial system, but Phil (and then Wilbur) has teh final say

Court system, but with Phil overseeing everything

instead of a judge

HOWEVER, that's in the national level

in smaller villages, its more of the cut your hand off system

because the judicial system isn't regulated

So bonus questions:

Punishments and the identification of whether a crime counts as a crime?

soldiers can call crimes out, and citizens can file reports

Phil's not really shit, he just doesn't show Tommy any attention because he's busy with the other two

Just honestly doesn't even care about most shit Tommy does

Like, doesn't pay attention to it until it affects him, he's busy running a country and training the boys to running a country

I don’t think they (the brothers) realize how badly everything is affecting Tommy

The only one who knows anything about the full extent would be his mom, and she’s in a similar boat to Tommy

Phil doenst really see her much either

Not like she could “Make a Scene” trying to get Phil to pay attention to his youngest, to actually love his child, he’s barely around

Kristin and Phil spend time together at night, but during the day everything is for the cameras

its like the UK royals, how they do shit just for the people

And Phil doenst want to hear about the kids at night, he wants to spend time with his wife

Tommy has stolen a car and will do it again

Just fucking hopped in and took a joyride

With Absolutely No Repercussions

Do you think Phil ever tries to hire like, a nanny or something? In the aftermath of the Car Incident? Yes, and it never worked

Tommy, like 15 at the time, pissed as hell as a random ass woman tries to tell him to go to bed at 8:30 pm

Tommy wants somebody to tell him no but not somebody hired to tell him no mannn

Tommy goes to like parties - like ragers

he has a network of really famous friends like young actors and shit

dude is a party animal, underage drinking, rumors of drugs, he’s the PR Teams worst nightmare, but they’re not going to say anything

The press makes up SO MUCH SHIT

The press once said that he had done cocaine when it was really one of his friends

Tommy adopts two dogs (hello Betty and Walter) without asking either of his parents

Betty is short for Elizabeth

He brings them in off the street

Literal abandoned street dogs and he goes, mine now

He like, walks down the street with sunglasses on, and just doesn't look at anyone as he walks the dogs, who have like black nice leather leashes

The paparazzi always finds him walking the dogs

like a modern celebrity

Mans can and will call the paparazzi on himself - because he is a drama queen ETHAN Tommy voice "hello pa pa. I have hired two new staff, pa pa." "Huh?" "they have found work in this palace as emotional support animals, pa pa." "....ok." tommy voice "he didn't even blink, elizabeth the fourteenth" END OF ETHAN MAKING FUN OF THE BRITISH

By the way just to clear things up with you all, Tommy addresses Phil as "Father"

most of the paparazzi's pictures of Tommy are him flipping the camera off

He poses for them

just sees a camera and fucking sticks his tongue out and flips them off

He’s wearing some atrocious outfit while walking his dogs and he just has a full on fashion photshoot of poses for them

If his dad won’t give him attention at least they will

Tommy befriends some of the staff

he hates a lot of the butlers tbh

thinks they're stuck up

but likes to gossip with the maids, and sit in the kitchen as the chefs cook lunch "Heyyyy, chef!" "Your highness, what is it, are you hungry?" "Can't a man just talk to his chef? Befriend his castle staff?" "Ah."

that and the kitchen gives betty and walter treats

Top ten Prince Thomas microaggressions

Number One: he calls Phil "your highness"

For context, kings are referred to as Your Majesty

He calls Wilbur Your Majesty

It was a joke when they were younger, a habit from then on, but now it’s to spite Phil

Tommy spends an ridiculous amount of money on clothes all at once, purely to see if Phil would yell at him for using the family debit card for it

He never wears the clothes

He doesn’t particularly like any of them anyways

Instead he donate them all anonymously

Tommy may be a brat but he isn’t wasteful

By the time Tommy’s 12 he’s started acting up, and it escalates slowly until he hits 15 where things just start snowballing and he gets worse and worse

he's definitely nicknamed by the press as some sort of party animal or fratboy

a spoiled brat

He’s 16, and he knows his place in the family, he is forgotten and glossed over, but he won’t be ignored, not if he can help it

The Public gives him the attention he wishes his father would give him, he walks his dogs with the paparazzi tailing after him, just hoping that maybe one scandal or one horrible picture will eventually be enough to make his dad actually See him

he'll tell the paparazzi what they want to hear

and give every magazine a story to tell

they notice him

he just wants somebody to tell him no, somebody tell this boy no without being paid to please

Tommy probably has like, pierced his ears or smth. Gotten tattoos.

he has holes in his face yes.

he pierced his ears and his nose

He has a tattoo on the inside of his finger that matches with Tubbo and Ranboo

Maybe the picture of him plastered from last weekend will make his dad reprimand him

Maybe the weed found in his backseat will get his Dad to ground him

Maybe the bottle of fucking pills he was “holding for a friend” but got caught with Will get some sort of reaction

and its not like he's only doing it for attention

he starts it for attention, but he loves it he does

he has fun, he loves his friends, he likes the parties and the air

but, he also loves the attention, he's not gonna lie

Tommy who took adderall at a party once but it didn’t do anything for him, he seemed to function a little better actually

Tommy who knows Techno has adhd and takes adderall for it, Tommy who puts two and two together Bc he’s not fucking dumb

Tommy realizing his dad never cared to even get him diagnosed or treated

and Techno does notice, he does figure it out, but he does either a "hey..." or a "m8 I'll just get you your own if its helpin you focus" and tommy is furious

Tommy's life here is just

'trying to be yelled at HARD MODE'

Just wants to be screamed at, lowkey

I think, Wilbur avoids the tabloids

And the press

And the news

However, his advisors often read him the shit about Tommy - or anything about him

But they never see the pictures

They don’t see the picture of Tommy drunk on a strangers balcony

They don't see how bad it is

Tommy however? LOVES reading what the press has to say about him

Phil sees it however,

And he’s so disappointed

He gives Tommy so many talks but it never works

Because it doesn’t get him to love Tommy, to care about what Tommy does

Not like their mother

And he never makes a scene, not in the way Tommy wants to

It's all about "YOUR RUINING OUR IMAGE"

not: "YOUR RUINING YOUR LIFE"

He never asks if Tommy is ok

He never asks if he’s safe

Tommy's mum however, SO MANY AWKWARD "STAY SAFE" TALKS

He doesn't just fucking jump off shit because of her, he's slightly less reckless so that he can come home alive to her

I just think that Wilbur, no matter how busy, would find time to concerned yell at his baby brother if he were to find out about the pills

Weed and alcohol? Not great but ok.

Pills though?? He is full blown concerned Wilbro there

His brothers care. Their father is busy. He's a jerk sometimes too.

Wilbur does put out the fire a bit

He’s glad Wilbur had his best interest in mind

But man

The news headlines

They do him dirty

Shit like “Prince Tommy Caught Doing Cocaine at Frat Party” really fuck him over

They really just try their best to make him look like shit 95% of the time

Tommy loves it, just a little

Bad press is still press

He laughs at the headline Bc he knows he wasn’t doing cocaine, but Phil doesn’t, wilbur and techno don’t know that

It’s a tense week after that headline is released

His mom doesn’t even know if Tommy would have actually done cocaine

They just don’t know

Kristin asks him

She’s the only one who believes him

I think Wilbur wants to believe him, Techno too

But it’s hard to, especially when you’re not even sure you know your own brother anymore

Wilbur says something along the lines of being disappointed in Tommy, if he thought Tommy was trying to be better

Tommy scoffs and says he is trying, but that it’s real rich of Wilbur to be or entering to care now

This isn’t even the worse headline

One time a blonde kid got picked up from the same party Tommy was at on a stretcher, he had had an allergic reaction

Some shitty journalist saw and automatically assumed it was Tommy

They ran with the story that the prince had fucking overdosed for at least a week

The things they say are close to the truth but not quite

The PR Team tries their best to help but

They don’t even know what’s true or not

Tommy goes on a bender for a week, and walks into their office with coffee and pastries to apologize

They all know that presents mean a rough week of damage control

But Tommy imports them these Bomb ass donuts so

Fair trade really

Also heaven forbid tommy gets seen with a girl

It’s the worst shit

Tommy gets caught, drunk off his ass, pushing a couch out a window

(To be fair the people were moving soon anyways, they didn’t need the couch, it was a going away party)

And the next morning, recalling what he did

He orders up those pastries and calls the coffee place

Swings by to pick up the coffee and picks up the pastries all within the next two hours and delivers them on the third with an apology note

It’s fucking DAMAGE control

Thinking about Tubbo and Ranboo being Tommy’s DDs when they can

They are

When Tommy’s handler isn’t around

Them doing wild shit together but not Wild Shit

Tommy teaches them how to do burnouts and donuts in a fucking lambos in an empty mall parking lot

Ranboo goes everywhere incognito, Tommy practically flaunts his rank, Tubbo is considered a nobody and doesn't have to do anything but show up in casual clothes. He has a uniform for stablework.

Ranboo's parents are approving of his friendship with the fledging prince, as they hope he can wrangle Tommy to regality and he's building positive relations between the two kingdoms.

Phil is disapproving, worried Tommy will taint Ranboo and his rep and cause a tense air between the two kingdoms. Tommy loves Phil's worry, he practically bathes in it, it's the attention he so craves.

Tommy definitely will hold Tubbo's hand when he walks with him, because the headlines all scream Tommy is the gay?? and while he's very incredibly straight, he finds this hysterical.

Ranboo isn't always in Tommy's kingdom and rather spends most of his time at home. He might be second to heir or the crown prince himself, but he does have to spend time in his own country. Tommy face calls him a lot and he and Tubbo are ecstatic when he announces he's going to visit

I imagine he's second to the throne because that means he can focus on building relations instead of training to be king.

Older sibling Fundy, gets chronic illness, and Ranboo has to take over the throne for a bit

One of Tommy's worst stunts was hitching a ride to the Americas/Ranboo's kingdom without telling anyone.

Whether by boat or plane, he was gonna go visit his young king friend no matter what.

I say "young king" but he's still a prince. Just filling in for fundy

But all eyes turn to Ranboo and Ranboo is stumbling with attention he'd never known. Tommy has to help, doesn't he?

He expects such a punishment for stowing away to visit, but the headlines are... positive. Prince Tommy's friendship with Princr Ranboo becomes.... legendary, practically. Tubbo is always excluded from the news, even when he comes with.

Never too fantastical for classism

But no, the headlines see Tommy's visit not as the young, rebellious prince stowing away, but as a young boy risking his skin to visit his stressed friend.

Tommy is appalled.

And Tommy just groans and shows him the phone

And Ranboo laughs and goes

“There there Tommy, I’m sure dragging me to a frat party will be enough to ruin the good press.”

“Maybe get a dui, you’ll have diplomatic immunity so no jail time?”

“Boo, I wouldn’t get jail time even if I wasn’t em-mune, I am simply too poggers.”

“Sure man, let’s go with that.”

Tommy’s like “maybe I need to actually start doing hard drugs”

Ranboos just like “no -“ just “Please god no, your brothers will kill both of us.”

The Boo is terrified of Techno and Wilbur

Not as royals though, simply as Tommy’s older brothers

Like he knows about Tommy’s issues with validation and feeling unloved, he knows his Brothers are often very busy

But he also sees the way they look at Tommy, and the way they look when people talk bad about Tommy

He knows if something were to happen and he was to cause harm to Tommy or cause Tommy to cause harm to himself

It probably wouldn’t end well for him

Wilbur and techno try as hard as they can

But they’re SO busy

That they can’t do much especially when Tommy’s so persistent on doing his shit

Tubbo is great with the horses he tends to, and Tommy adores them. Ranboo is an excellent, regal rider and Tommy and Tubbo are more rough and ballsy, so races are fair and fastpaced.

Ranboo once got bucked by a royal stallion and Tommy and Tubbo never let him live it down.

I imagine Tubbo lives on the property, as some servants do. He either doesn't have a family, has a bad one, or his family doesn't live close to the palace.

So Tommy 10/10 sneaks to the servants' quarters and he and Tubbo sneak out to ride the horses.

I feel like Wilbur makes more of an effort after the pills and cocaine incident, he tries to ask Tommy about the headlines

Purples is Tommy’s friend

Rich family, old money

Throws a lot of the parties Tommy goes to

Purpled and punz :handshake: Tommy

Frat Boys

I think you guys are underestimating the time that Tommy spends at the castle

Like he still has school, and usually 3 days out of the week he follows around his brothers like an endearing little shit

But those 4 days where he’s gone (which includes weekends) plus nights, he’s doing shit

Also, yiu know Pongo right

101 Dalmatians

That’s how Tommy walks Betty and Walter

They are like standing completely proper and walks straight

ah yes, the royal bitches and also betty and walter are there too

the paparazzi taking pictures of Tommy and the dogs

and Tommy turns, taking his sunglasses off, and smiles big and wide "They have names you know? You should stop callin' them 'the royal dogs'."

One of the guys, he's familiar with the prince turns on his camera and asks "what're their names Prince Tommy?"

"Betty and Walter. Give them some respect."

Tommy visits Ranboo sometimes. Ranboo was looking for him one day and just found him standing in a long hall, staring at a portrait.

It's Ranboo, just barely younger, hands folded behind his back, the perfect picture of regality.

Tommy is staring at it because he knows that at home, there is a portrait of Wilbur looking like that, and one of Techno, and one of Phil and Kristen, and one of himself.

But somehow this image of Ranboo is.. haunting

Not because it doesn't match with the Ranboo he knows, but because it does.

It haunts him because he can stare at his portrait for hours and never see himself, but this is so plainly Ranboo that it's chilling.

Ranboo stands beside him, hands folded behind his back as they always are when he is in nice clothes and his eyes are visible. Tommy glances over and Ranboo is facing him, but staring up at the picture. It's still him.

The clothes are different and his hair is longer now, but Tommy can't tell the difference past that.

He knows that Ranboo is what his family wants him to be

He knows that Ranboo is him if he hadn't strayed, the same past

Ranboo knows exactly what’s going through his head right now

And he knows exactly what he needs too

They get fucking piss ass drunk in Ranboo’s room order takeout and FaceTime Tubbo

They can party tomorrow, Tommy doesn’t need to be in public right now

ANywyas

Tommy and his mother have a wonderful relationship

she teaches him literacy and history, they have a tutor teach him maths

they eat breakfast together every morning

the whole family does

but his mum tries to eat lunch with him at least 3 times a week

he goes out for lunch the days he doesn't eat with his brothers or mom, out to some resturant, sometimes, they trash it or party, sometimes he just brings Tubbo, no big group, and they just chill

With Ranboo in line for kingship (the way royalty works is that if the ruler dies, it will always go to the next in line of blood, never by marriage. Even if every heir was dead, it would still not go to the ruler consort but instead to a family member of the late ruler), rep is so much more important

he can't really be seen with Tommy sometimes

not on the bad weeks

not when Tommy just destroyed a bnb or set off fireworks with his friends, or was caught throwing chairs into his friend's pool

Tommy likes sport cars

big car guys

He has an exorbitant amount of fancy cars

its truly like

disgusting

how many cars he owns

Wilbur makes fun of it Bc the kid is just now legally old to drive

But Wilbur has so many expensive instruments

Some of which he doesn’t even know how to play yet

to be fair

Wilbur doesnt go breaking his instraments

Techno, techno has swords, which makes sense Bc he’s a general

But the amount swords he has just hanging on his wall

Never meant to be used

It’s so many

I feel like Tommy has a few cars that he doesn’t even let get scratched tho much

His babies

he has his expensive cars that he wrecks

and then his expensive cars that he treats like gold

They’re named

Clementine is this horrendous orange car that he absolutely loves

Its a bright orange ferrari

(He loves it Bc it was a gift from Phil, one of the first cars in his collection)

(Tommy doesn’t know that the idea was his mother’s, his father didn’t know what to get him)

all of his cars have padding in the back for his dogs

Tommy hates purse dogs, the girls with them are always fake and horrible

but he wishes his dogs were that small

Easy to transport

but they got all gangly limbs like him

and stand up to his hip

Henry is his sleek black classic mustang convertable

its what he drives when he doesn't want to be followed by the papp

It’s what he drives when he takes The BT to lunch

its not that the paparazzi doesn't know its him

they know

but he's not in one of his bright fucking obscene cars

The press and Tommy have a weird sort of understanding

He creates their headlines and they let him have moments to himself

If someone breaches that

They risk getting blacklisted

that car was what he drove to his grandmother's funeral in

im not naming his grandmother, but all royals live like forever

Clementine barely sees the road I think

She’s kept in top condition

By Tommy’s own hands

But she probably doesn’t get driven to the parties

Or the brunches

Or the clubs

She's used pretty much exclusively for black tie events

Tubbo is his driver for those Bc he trusts no one else with the car

And he has to exit her before she’s parked

So Tubbo valets and then meets him inside

It’s also how Tubbo gets into the black tie events

so its modern right

so its like thousand-dollar suits instead of capes

so, Tommy just refuses to wear blazers and suit jackets

he always wears his button-ups rolled to his elbows

Maybe, maybe you’ll get him in a vest

But most of the time it’s a button up, rolled up sleeves, and the tie is most likely incorrect or untied

The only reason it’s correct half the time, is because Wilbur makes him let him tie it

Tommy won't wear the jacket because he prefers to roll his sleeves up - he's able to do anything, party or just like rough housing with his brothers, or helping out the staff

Wilbur won't wear a tie, or a button up most days, opting for a high-end sweater and loads of jewelry; its just much more his style.

Techno won't wear a vest because it restricts the places he can hid weapons, and he almost never keeps his tie tied.

Tommy trying to walk past Wilbur to leave with and untied tie

“Wait! You know you can’t leave like that, come here.”

Tommy’s groans and slumps over but walks over to Wil anyways

“I’m just gonna untie it halfway through the party, you know i will.”

“Well, I’m not letting my little brother walk a red carpet with an untied tie, you know I won’t”

The second half said in a mocking tone of voice, very clearly mimicking Tommy’s whining

It’s a soft moment, they stand there together, brothers

And as Wilbur’s pat the finished tie, they make eye contact and both of them have undeniably fond looks on their faces, damn they’re brothers n shit

“Thanks Wil.”

It’s quiet, it’s soft, it’s Tommy

“Of course.”

Just as soft, just as quiet, wholly Wilbur

Wilbur clears his throat breaking the soft atmosphere of the room

“Now go, you gremlin. Don’t be late”

Wilbur ruffles Tommy’s hair, careful not to mess it up too much

Tommy rolls his eyes And quickly heads for the door “Bye Wil! Love you! Don’t wait up!” Wilbur quickly yells after him

“Love you too! Don’t do anything stupid!”

“Oh Wil you know I can’t promise that!” Wilbur just rolls his eyes and returns to his book

Yeah Tommy stays away from tobacco I think

Just weed

and I wouldn't be surprised if like hits peoples vapes sometimes, but doesn't smoke cigs

for sure, its stressful

Wilbur smokes cigarettes though

and he can't act out like Tommy can

and Phil loves him..

Techno and Wilbur watching Tommy rebel in the ways they never got to

They feel kinda sad, that they never got to be kids like that, sad that Tommy feels like he has to act out for attention

he gets to do shit

like he gets to be a real teen

the whole, dumb rich 17 year old experience

like yachts, and expensive hotel rooms, and sport cars

And sure they probably wouldn’t have been going to frat parties or crashing brunch places, but they see him with BT

See him have actual friends

And they’re happy for him

But it hurts a bit

And Tommy's hurting too

It's a lot

but its like

even if Phil wasn't shit

its a lot of attention

like everyone is watching them at all times

Techno and Wilbur have to stay refined in the eyes of the press

Tommy gets to put on a show for them

Yeah yeah

Do you know how much a drunk picture of Prince Tommy is worth?

Too much

Some random guy on his first paparazzi job, gets a pic of Tommy, shirt mostly unbuttoned, tie tied around his head, drinking out of a beer bottle, and flipping off the camera while stumbling out of the most expensive hotel in the UK

The guy never has to work again

Purpled son of some billionaire, and Ranboo a literal prince is with him

They are both laughing at him

Tommy swung on a chandelier that night

A picture of that ends up online, some socialites Twitter

The amount of people in her dms for that picture?

Ludicrous

Like just the random pictures from Snapchat stories

Magazines pay thousands

Yeah the amount of double takes people have done going through their friends Snapchat stories like

Just tapping through

“WAIT WAS THAT PRINCE THOMAS????”

So, Dessert Drinks

It’s alcoholic beverages that have like chocolate or gram crackers or maybe candy in them

That are meant to taste like a dessert

So there’s chocolate cake margaritas, or like s’mores drinks

They’re Tommy’s favorite things in the world

Everyone thinks that he’d like the like strong, burning, whiskey esk stuff

But no

He wants the sweetest thing you got

Like he’ll drink straught vodka, but not if he doesn’t have too y’know?

He also like wine strangely enough

The like really expensive wine

Bc it reminds him of Wil

They have it down in the cellar

Techno is the whiskey dude

Or like 1942

Which is just a really bougie tequila

He just likes the shit that burns

Tubbo will drink literally anything

He’ll eat anything too

It definitely comes from the spot that he didn’t have that many choices like Tommy, but he genuinely just likes anything

Which is why Tommy really likes to treat him out to fancy fucking restaurants

One of Tommy’s favorite past times is spoiling his loved one

Fucking loves giving presents n shit

It's his love language

Ranboo doesn’t pay for anything when he’s visiting

Tommy insists on paying

Tommy has millions from the throne, he will use it

Plus he uses his daddy’s card so like, Phil can afford to spend the money

Oh he has one of those black cards doesn’t he

And by he I mean Phil

But you know, Daddy’s card

Black amex all the way

Boujie motherfuckers

Tommy's drunk like persona is different depending on the environment

When its Wilbur and Techno having to deal with Drunk Tommy

He’s like an excitable puppy, he would switch from rowdy to sappy real quick for his brothers

So they’re trying to get a drunk Tommy to bed but Tommy’s 100% clinging to them

Just full of affection

Techno tries to leave to go study and drunk Tommy just looks so fucking sad

Kicked puppy

He’s very much turning on the little brother charm, full scale pouting, whining, nicknames and all

making grabby hands, sitting on thr ground, fluffed up hair, shirt all wrinkled

"Fucking - fine. What are you gonna do without me, hm?"

He’s a god damned puppy and it’s hard to believe this is the same kid who got in a bar fight last week

he hangs off the chandeliers of boogie hotels

he also trashes his friend's rentals

on the other hand, he hugs his brothers

and steals Wilbur's crown

when he wears Will's crown it goes over his eyes

Still does after all these years

He’s grown but Wils head is simply too big

Tommy has his own crown of course

he just doesn't wear it as often as Wilbru does

Wilbur wears his all of the time

Tommy wears his when

A. he's drunk and with friends

B. at formal or royal events

he likes wearing it when he's partying

still thinking about drunk Tommy and his brothers having to deal with him

He makes techno give him a piggy back ride

He can walk fine, he just wants a piggy back ride man

Can you blame him?

They all really miss being little

They miss being able to be kids n shit

when their mother took care of them

and their father did all the king shit

And when Techno would give Tommy piggyback rides in the garden

When Wilbur had all the time in the world to learn how to play guitar

Even if it comes from Tommy getting drunk off his ass they’re glad they can still find the childish joy that they once had y’know?

Techno gives Tommy a piggy back ride to his room, and Tommy steals Wilbur’s crown and they talk and it’s nice

And as everything winds down Wilbur plays his guitar

And it’s so similar to when they were younger man

...

but then,,, Wilbur gets called down for an emergency meeting

and Techno has to make sure the guards are doing their rounds

and Tommy's left all alone in The Prince's Chambers

and people wonder why Tommy likes partying

fills the time, doesn't it?

He wakes up cold and alone and hungover

And he calls Tubbo and they just fucking day drink man

It’s a bad two days

Yeha but basically after this night he and Tubbo get fucking drunk as hell and they don’t come back to the castle for two days

And Tommy is barely sober during those two days

After those type of days happen Tommy always goes completely straightedge for a week

He doenst need to develop an addiction y’know?

Plus the chaos doesn’t have to happen drunk

He’s pretty irrational sober anywyas

half of the parties he's at he's not even drunk

sometimes he'll get high

but he just likes the adrenaline

and just hanging and being fucking assholes with his mates

POV you are an emotionally wrecked prince who is hanging onto this present as proof that your dad knows who you are at least in the slightest and you find out it’s not actually a gift from him but something your mother told him to get you

He didn’t even think twice just called the dealership and asked for the car, didn’t even know which one it was

mmmmm Tommy wrecks Clem that night

It’s not a good night for anyone

Got drunk as hell man

No dd

Car crash

I don’t think Clem is totaled

And Tommy is ok

But she’s scratched and dented and it’s just a representation of how Tommy feels

Something about Clementine being symbolic of hope and the idea that his father knew him

And with that crashing down

Clementine was bound to crash too

Tommy gets out with some bruises and Clementine can be fixed

But it happens on a public street so it’s everywhere

Tommy wrecks Clem

Then fucking goes on a bender

just destroys shit

parties so he doesn't think about it

and then he fucking crashes

Wilbur and Techno and Kristin all know what the car meant to him, what it symbolized to him

So when there’s a headline and a picture of Tommy staring at a wrecked Clem, they don’t know how to feel

maybe he mentioned something about upgrading Clem to Phil, or offhandedly at family dinner

And Phil asks something like “Right and when did you get this one?” Very rudely y’know

And Tommy’s like, it’s the one you got me for my birthday last year, and Phil just says something about how he has to be more specific because he doesn’t even know which one that is

And Tommy feels everything crumble around him and he just tensely says, “never mind...” and goes back to his food

The other three watch the whole exchange like, “fuuuuuuuuuck”

And then as soon as dinners over Tommy’s out the door man

He’s gone

he doesn't take the dogs, which means he's causing damage

He doenst even take Tubbo

they can hear the handler hand Tommy the keys

Tubbo comes to Wil to ask if he knew where Tommy was and that’s when they realize Tommy’s going out to cause real damage

And Tommy’s phone is turned off

They can’t contact him

Tommy gets handcuffed

he won't get arrested, but he'll get brought back in a police car

he fucking like crashed into a poll on purpose

like it was less on purpose and more like he definitely wasn’t not trying to hit something

And then they fucking breathalyzer him and he’s drunk as balls

Straight vodka type night

there's a bottle in the cupholder

He gets out when he wrecks and you just see him dead eyed staring at the scratches on her hood

The dent in her door

The cracks in the windshield

And he just takes a swig of the bottle

He lets the police take the bottle and handcuff him, taking him back to the palace

Clem is towed back too

He doenst care man

this is bigger than party to distract Bc it’s all he’s thinking about even drunk n shit

So I feel like he’s absolutely crushed

he spends like a week or two in a depressive episode won't leave his room, won't talk to his dad

and then he asks his mom "why didn't you tell me?"

and she just purses her lips and and shakes her head

and he's out

he needs to leave

he doesn't need her pity

and he just goes to Purp's and parties

because he just wants to have fun for one night before he learns that everything is a lie

His brothers are there as much as he lets them be

Tubbo too

Ranboo would try to make it over after seeing the headlines

he gets on a jet

and goes as soon as he sees the news

cause Clem was Tommy's baby

He loved that fucking car man

And then

Boom

One dinner is all it took to ruin everything

Phil's just left like "what'd I do?"

Techno is straight faced

Wilbur rolls his eyes at Phil

And Kristin just looks stressed

She’s still staring the the door Tommy all but ran out of

none of them finish dinner, Kristin waves the butlers over to clear the plates

They don’t, and Phil is just so confused and frustrated and he doesn’t know what happened

Top 10 Prince Tommy Headlines: 10. Mourning or Disrespectful: Prince Thomas caught smoking outside grandmother's funeral 9. New Connections? Prince Thomas and Prince Ranboo seen outside Palace walking Royal Dogs 8. Protective Older Brother; Crown Prince William shielding Prince Thomas from cameras while walking down London streets 7. When Will He Stop? Prince Thomas continues his week-long bender 6. Another Frat Party: Prince Thomas found stumbling drunk after rowdy night at The Ritz London 5. Boy Crazy? Prince Thomas and Mystery Boy seen dancing at Crown Prince William's Birthday Ball 4. Is Prince Thomas's Rampage Over? The Prince seen hungover, nursing a coffee at London Branch Costa Coffee 3. Time to stop; Prince Thomas caught doing cocaine at socialites party 2. A good friend - Prince Thomas flew to the United States to help Prince Ranboo with new responsibilities

1. When is enough, enough? Prince Thomas crashes after driving drunk, arrested.

10 Tommy doesn’t smoke cigs so mans was just getting high at his grandmas funeral

he was real close with his granny, it was a sad day

It was because his father said something like “oh, I didn’t know you were coming Tommy”

It was his fucking grandmother Phil

Tommy just puts his sun glasses on, and sits as far away as he can

Number 5, the boy is Tubbo, Tubbo thinks it’s fucking hilarious, Tommy is pissed

Some of those headlines seem like they’re from the car month

Obviously number one is

But then the bender headline

Then the coffee one

And then the Wilbur one

They seem like a series of events

big month for the press

Tommys hungover and he calls Wil asking for him to pick him up

And Wilbur drops everything Bc he’s just glad Tommy’s coming back home

wilbur fucking glares at the cameras

Tommy's used to it

And then the press tries to mob them and Wilbur Almost breaks decorum

Like almost fucking yells at someone who gets too close

and Wilbur never does that

he's so in-line

he never breaks the rules

but goddamn if they take one step closer -

He’s been especially stressed, and all he wants is to get his baby brother home man

He’s been smoking a lot more since the wreck

He just wishes he could make everything better

Tommy relishes in talking to the press

Wilbur will clart someone who gets to close to his baby brother

The press who’s never seen Wilbur as anything other than composed and charming suddenly being faced with a very angry older brother who smells slightly like cigarette smoke

Wilbur in the Pogtopia coat but it’s some designer piece that’s expensive as hell

It’s his smoking coat

And it’s what he picks Tommy up in

So he smells like smoke

And not the tasteful cologne he usually wears in public

just like a dark overcoat

really expensive wool

Wilbur using it to cover them from the cameras

when they were younger, like 16 and 12, Wilbur would hide Tommy

like no one got a picture of Tommy until he was 14 or 15

Kristin really hid the boys when they were kids too

Tommy trying to peak out and make faces at the camera

it was illegal to get pictures of them younger than 10

like immediate blacklist

And also maybe some legal issues

Wilbur pulls Tommy's hood up over Tommy's head

And it’s very older brother of him too, he pulls it over to protect his face but then cinches the strings to be a little shit

Those Wilbur and Tommy brother moments comps exists in the universe too

But it’s just shit like that

Tommy has a great support system

He really does

His brothers love him

His mom loves him

He has two amazing friends and a bunch of other great friends as well

And sometimes he feels like a brat for throwing all these fits over his dad y’know?

Wilbur always tries to like, keep an arm around him when they're doing red carpets

And keeps Tommy sitting next to him at Royal events

but also like, steals food off his plate

and ruffles his hair

Tommy whispers the fucking worst jokes about the dignitaries and nobles and Wilbur has to keep a straight face

god thats tommys favorite thing to do

he tries so hard to get Wilbur to laugh and lose his shit

The fucking big boobs bit

But it’s Tommy whispering it to Wilbur completely out of context and randomly at a gala

ALSO

THE WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY BULLSHIT

TOMMY HATES IT

LIKE WHO THE FUCK IS THIS LIKE AUNT TO HIM?

HE DOESNT KNOW HER

But Royal Families are always big on that shiit

They try to hug him n shit

And Tommy depending on how Brave n shit he’s feeling (how fed up he is) will either politely excuse himself or straight up say no and step back with a glare

he's honestly uncomfortable around the strangers

who say they're family

like he's too sober for this

He needs a god damned drink

But he’s in a vest and a nice tie and his crown is sat proper on his head

And he can’t have a drink

god he's like a little doll, he plays by Phil's rules

the crown comes on and he's the proper prince

He fucking hates it

he sips on Wilbur's wine, and does the whole "tequila for water" thing sometimes

Flask in his sleeve

Techno catches him with the flask once and is just impressed

god is that a look on Techno's face

He sees Tommy slip it from his sleeve and somehow sleight off hand take a drink

And it’s just a raised eyebrow and a head nod that says

Good for you

Bc techno also needs a drink during these events

Sometimes Tommy will spike his and Techno's drinks

as Wilbur regally sips on wine

Wilbur fucking also secretly wishing he had a flask during the drier events

Wine drink just isn’t enough sometimes

Wilbur puts on his best face

and pretends he wants to be there

and gives out a warm smile, and raises a glass

god he fucking hates it sometimes

and sometimes he loves it

but man, does he hate it sometimes

Tommy complains and Phil makes a passive aggressive comment about how

“Oh but don’t you love parties Tommy.”

Wilbur sits between them

The table goes

Techno Kristin Phil Wilbur Tommy

Tommy just sneaks another sip of the flask

he doesn't have time to deal with his dads shit

Slumps back in the seat

He probably wouldn’t even try to hide it after that

Not like Phil is actually looking at him

He can let the press have it

He doenst care

just like leaves the flask next to him

under teh table

and jsut takes large swigs from it

Tommy maybe having a group of his friends crash one of the stuffy events

Not an important one

So fucking dedication ceremony to some inane building

He just invites a wild group of socialites

It’s nice

It’s not as wild as a normal Tommy Innit party

But it’s not a stuffy fucking boring ass royal meeting

they just bring some fucking whiskey into the back room and chat shit

Tommy fucking has a group of friends crash this gathering

It’s not wild

But it’s not stuffy

It’s nice

Tommy even drags Wilbur back for at least a little

and that takes a whole lot of work

It really does, Wilbur isn’t even a little tipsy off the wine, and Phil been by him the whole time and it’s just been hell, he can’t get wiobur away from the “socializing” hes doing

but when Wilbur is a bit tipsy he just becomes more charasmatic

truly a king

Less someone putting on a mask for their father

A little bit more authentic

he's a natural, sipping wine with one hand, and shaking hands with the other, crown propped beautifully on his head, million dollar suits hanging off his frame

It’s nice to see his brother in his element

its a bit sad

but its nice

A little yeah, Wilbur’s

Wilbur’s leaving him, not really but

Wilbur being king is-

It’s going to be hard

Different

More than it is already

Wilbur will always love him

But eventually he’ll be too busy for Tommy

Just like Phil is

And it hurts

But that thought is what makes Tommy take a drink of his flask and drag Wilbur to the back room

Wilbur doesn’t have to forget him yet

Tommy looks real regal too

Wilbur wishes that Tommy could see what he sees

But he knows that Tommy’s self worth issues would take more than a nice hug and some warm words to fix

Tommy looks regal, and the gold crown really fits with the whole golden boy aesthetic

and he laughs, and makes conversation with everyome

and everyone eases up around him

Wilbur wishes that Tommy saw what he sees

also

Tommy and Ranboo's texts have been leaked once

Wow so many dog pictures dude

but also

:sparkles:state secrets:sparkles:

That was hell to clean up

it fucking was

it used petnames (which the public is never supposed to know about the nickanmes of royals fun fact)

and said shit about Phil

and detailed Fundy's illness which isn't public

and talked about meetings that Wilbur forced Tommy to attend

Tommy was terrified

Ranboo too

He was so scared someone would be angry at him for it

He doesn’t think he could handle be yelled at for this thing that wasn’t even his fault

like of course he could've not said it over text

but one of his best friends lives an ocean away

and his life is just all about secrets

dont make this something too

:sparkles: hackers :sparkles:

if someone god a hold of Tommy's IP, or Phone, or Phone number

or

dms

they could be using instagram, twitter, or snapchat to have some of these converstaions

dms can get leaked real easily

Mmmm you ever think about Crime Bous

Because all I can think about is when Wilbur does get out of the house, and just like every event they go to

Tommy isn’t a fucking party boy then, he’s just Prince Thomas, Crown Prince William’s baby brother

And they always get photographed and shit

But they have a great time

They’re always smiling when they’re together

Sans Wilbur being a really protective older brother, and when their grandmother died

It’s nice to just go get lunch together at that one specific cafe they’ve been going to for years

Or just walk the dogs together

Just hang out and be brothers

They sit at the same table every time, and Tommy has gotten a Raspberry Lemonade since he was 8

When they walk the dogs, Wilbur holds Walter and Tommy holds Betty

Sunglasses on, big wool overcoats, and pants that were sewn just for them

And they’re seen walking out on the streets during big events a lot too

To like take a breather

Tommy has made a habit of allowing the press to ask him questions whenever they find him

Wilbur on the other hand always knows exactly what to say to press that come up to them

He always shoos them off with a polite “we won’t be answering any question right now thank you” and a blinding smile

And Tommy’s making a face at the press from over his shoulder

Either like sticking his tongue out or making some sort of face at Wilbur

As he gets older, he stops doing it as much because it gets a bit tiring, everything is tiring

But he does it every once in a while, usually a sharp grin over Wilbur’s shoulder accompanied by a middle finger

when like press sees that Wilbur smokes like a lot

hm

big thin

and I feel like Wilbur would straight up be like "its not a big deal, its completely legal"

and hes like smoking 8 cigs a day, but its fine

He doesn’t have an issue

It’s just a little stress relief

King at 21 is a lot to handle

and maybe the stress is so much that it becomes a problem

but hey its his relief

its legal

he's fine

That’s Wilbur’s mantra most of the time

he falls asleep in Tommys bed a lot, waiting for the teen to come home

wilbur does

he finishes a pack, and sighs, rubbing his eyes

The empire is on the brink of war, it always is

He looks in Tommy's room, its empty

And he sits on the bed, waiting

10 minutes later he's asleep

The sheets don’t smell like Wilbur, and Wil thinks that’s what makes it’s so comforting

They don’t stink of nicotine or Wilbur cologne

The smell like Tommy

and while that smell like expensive booze, and coconut shampoo

its perfect

and the dogs are in Tommy's room too

he's a little less alone

Betty is the cuddler

She’ll come up and sleep next to Wil

but she wont do it to just anyone

its a bond, its trust

its the fact that Tommy likes Wilbur

she growls at Phil

she nudges at Kristin, LOVES kristin

anyways

its lonely and sad

because Tommy usually doesnt come back

Tommy snakes back in early in the morning and tucks Wilbur in

Though most times Wilbur falls asleep in Tommys bed

Uncovered

Completely dressed

He’s lucky bettys fur is sleek otherwise his very expensive clothes would be covered

I think Wilbur more often then not will wake up with Tommy in his arms, and that makes him very happy

like, Tommy comes it at 5am, and just snuggles next to Wilbur

It’s makes Tommy sad to know his brother is waiting up for him to never come

But at the same time he’s always so happy to see him when he gets home

I imagine sometimes butlers come to get Wilbur for work, and Tommy makes them leave so that Wilbur can sleep in "Hello your highness, we came to fetch King Wilbur for his morning briefing" "He's sleeping." "Well, I can see that Your Highness -" "So let him sleep." "Prince Thomas -" "Let. Him. Sleep. Okay?" "Yes, Your Highness."

I've decided that Tommy is the big spoon

in these vulranable moments, when Wilbur is weak, Tommy kind of holds him

like obviously there are a lot of tims, where Wilbur wants to hold his baby brother

however, Tommy kind of holds Wilbur, like wraps himself around Wilbur, and puts Wilbur's head in the crook of his neck

this happens when Tommy comes home to find Wilbur in his bed

either this, or Tommy curls into a ball and rests his head against wilburs chest

Tommy has daddy issues

Wilbur has the weiht of the world

Techno has ptsd

Phil: fuck you my kids are completely fine!

Wilbur’s nicotine addiction

Tommys abandonment issues

Technos fucking PTSD

Once, when the empires war was getting really, really bad, and Wilbur had to decide life or death shit

He smoked a whole pack in a day

And then just kept going

His hands wouldn’t stop shaking

why wouldn't they stop fucking shaking

Tommy stopped partying that week, he isn’t ignorant, nor a fucking dick

He was Wilbur’s right hand for as long as he needed him

Despite how badly he wanted to party until he could see straight

His brother needed him

His king needed him

And he will gladly serve Wilbur as long as he would have him

He stood right behind Wilbur

Every decision

He was right behind him

Even if it meant constant decorum and constant royal dress, Tommy was there

And that was a grounding fact

If Tommy hadn’t been there Wilbur thinks he may have lost it that week

Sometimes the only thing that kept Wilbur’s hands from shaking terribly was holding Tommy’s hands

When the advisors and court had left

Tommy would take Wilbur hands and make him do breathing exercises

Wilbur wasn’t allowed to look anywhere other than Tommy’s eyes

They would get through this

Together

They would, Tommy would make sure of it

Tommy in the room also made everyone a bit nervous and loosen up around Wilbur though

Because sometimes they act like they can boss Will around

And Tommy is stone faced, and has the media wrapped around his finger

The court knows that all it would take is one “scandalous statement” from Prince Thomas to end their careers

Wilbur could fire them, but he’s stressed

Any other day, he’s a fucking FORCE to recon with

But Tommy? He’s here to ensure the best or their careers would end

And you know that Tommy has at least 3 sources in the biggest news outlets in the empire

He could get ANYTHING out there

Wilbur’s throne is the biggest in the middle

Two thrones smaller aside him

Within the like office / study / planning room

Tommy's hasn't been used until just then

Tommy finds it quite uncomfy

But he can deal

Also Tommy drops the nicknames for the week or so

No “Big Man”

It was “Will” and “William”

Your Majesty at one or two points

But that felt a little too formal for both of them

Too alienating

Tommy learned a whole fucking lot of fucking politics that week

Not that he didnt listen in his lessons it’s just that

Well

He can’t not listen if he’s not there

It’s different IRL too

Seeing all the decisions

It’s terrifying

And he’s exhausted

Dressing nicely and talking for 12 hours a day about politics

And life / death decisions

So many cuddles dude

Just permanently cuddling if they’re not presently working or “coping”

And I think

That although Wilbur is the one who’s going through it

When they cuddle, Wilbur likes to hold Tommy

Just in the sense that Tommy’s here and safe

In the midst of all the death around Wilbur

He needs to know that his person, his kid is alright

Plus having this one thing this one routine helps him feel a little on control during this out of hand time

:sparkles: Prince Tommy PR leak :sparkles:

I talked about how Tommy was close to his grandmother

and how he was smoking outside of her funeral

maybe it was during that time in his life

really dark place in his mind

smoked and drank every day

Wilbur smoked a lot during that time yet

they probably drank together a few times

like straight up vodka

Just they’re so young and so tired

and so its like, pictures of Wilbur and Tommy (and just Tommy) drinking in the parlor, and in the like, bar area of their private living area, dark eye bags, red eyes, just straight from the bottle

Both of their ties were undone, no jackets, sleeves rolled up to their elbows, Wilbur's top 3 buttons are undone, they're both like manspreading

like they're just at their lowest, particularly Tommy, but Wilbur was having an adjacent bad time

Tommy's hair is a fuckin' mess

HOWEVER, they're both still clean shaven, neither of their shorts or trousers are wrinkled or stained

They may be going through it, but the royal image waits for no one

How does the castle react? Immediate lock down.

Interrogations or some shit

none of the princes are allowed to leave

they have to do clean up

they write scripts essentially for Tommy and Wilbur to adress the press

they need to send out a memo that they don't agree with underage drinking

its all structured, scripted, and written by advisors (and their father)

major damage control

which is just not what Tommy needs right now, because he's like trying to work through his grief

and Wilbur has a fucking fight with his father about that

Phil does not care

They fucked up

Someone else fucked up

And now they’re going to be big boys and fix it Like Phil's going to Tommy's room to get him to look over what his quick press tour and Wilbur jsut stops him in front of the door "He's fucking grieving - Let him have a moment will you? Don't you know how close he was with Gran?" "You messed up. He messed up. Now you're gonna be big boys and fix it." “You’re horrible sometimes you know that?” “I am your father” “Then act like it, your majesty”

meanwhile Tommy: in bed, hasn't slept, major depressive spiral, cuddling Betty, Walter standing guard at his door, holding onto a blanket that his grandmother gave him

just - can't even cry anymore

just empty

Literally just despondent

Staring at the ceiling as Betty noses his face

like good luck getting to get up, let alone read shit

He hasn’t showered in days

He is very much not presentable

like it's only been a week or two since his grandmother's death

and he still is processing

He is no where near done grieving

[lady-literature]

A Miraculous DC Crossover

ALL RIGHT!!

I’ve been sucked into this unholy sub-fandom and I have thoughts okay? lots of them. Almost none are coherent and I don’t care. I have no plotline to write a fic but by the gods do I need to get out all my ideas.

Behold:

the Salttm

Lila, obviously. But she’s a petty nuisance at best, and an annoyingly competent akuma to fight at worst. manipulative, but not really dangerous ya feel?

Alya. which like, home girl probably doesn’t deserve but like,,, the drama??

CHLOE REDEMPTION YOU COWARDS

She and Marinette become surprisingly good friends (because I love that for both of them and you can pry it from me cold, dead hands)

Nettie-bug and Queenie

They pick on Adrien together

Mari’s friends Protection Squad That Don’t Take No Shit

Adrien

Chloe

NINO BITCH HE DESERVES MORE LOVE TBH

Alix?? Probably

Luka obvi

Felix (PV)?? Or does Marinette have enough emotionally constipated boys in her life?

(Answer: no. no she does not.)

Nath? He be a good fox tbh. creative and sneaky boi

Kagami!!! I love her

They’re all heroes because I say so.

Felix (Sparrow) is an honorary member even though he doesn’t have a miraculous

He handles PR and other background things along with Chloe

Joined up a few years back when Parisians were getting a bit too critical of the heroes

No Hawkmoth b/c fuck that guy

He existed, just not anymore. Bitch got yeeted

There’s other villains in town now. After Hawkmoth’s defeat other metas/supervillains looked at Paris and was just like, ‘free real estate?”

So now the Miraculous Team are Paris’ Actual Full-Time Hero TeamTM… yay.

Ladybug, Chat Noir, and Abielle (or like, Wasp/Yellow Jacket idk Chloe changes her name because ~identity stuff~) are the core three team. like, the wonder woman/batman/superman trio of the MTeam.

Nath is called Reynard Ambre b/c I love him

The public knows he exists but he’s never seen in battle and no pictures exist.

but there are plenty of instances where Paris knows he out mucking around because those akuma battles always get really weird.

Marinette be the guardian?

Guardian in training

Along with all the other holders b/c jesus. Give the girl a break.

Yeah. I like that Idea. All current holders are training to be guardians as well, but Mari’s going to step up as Guardian Supreme when Fu steps down.

Hero fashion!!!

The Miraculous Team is all decked out in their own merch like 24/7

Rarely is it thier own hero persona tho

Not because of like,,,, secrecy or anything. Just because they’re all nerds who love each other

Marinette is the lead producer of Miraculous Merchandise. It’s like,,, her BrandTM It was completely unintentional too

(Adrien and Chloe financially support her work tho. She designs, makes a prototype, and has her two blondes get others to replicate it)

Half of Paris is wearing her without knowing it

(Go MDC! get it girl!)

She totally makes Gotham inspired outfits because what else would she do????

Don’t get her wrong, most of Gotham’s fashion sense royally pisses her off but it’s fun and hey, supporting her fellow heroes ya know?

She wears a Robin hoodie after being officially acquainted with both Damian and Robin (separately of course)

Damian chokes on something, probably his own tongue.

It confuses Nettie. But then she thinks maybe he’s a fan too? She offers to make one for him but he steadfastly refuses much to his brothers’ amusement.

Might make a robin themed dress?? If so, she crosses paths with Robin when she does, thoroughly embarrassing her and almost sending poor Dami into a crisis.

Rogues Gallery

She makes a lot of designs off the rouges gallery because like, supporting people trying to get better??? also they’re some of the few who’s aesthetic aint shit?

She can’t make all of them because she ran out of time, so the rest get posited up on her Instagram and MDC blog (that’s run by Tikki mostly. She’s a great secretary and gets bored in Mari’s purse all the time)

Everyone is very flattered

Harley, if she ever finds it, immediately commission all pieces and wears them around Gotham don’t @ me

Daminette obvi

Marinette meets him and is just like ‘wow, you’re horrible. I want five’

Marinette, in the group chat later: so I met Kagami and Felix’s love child today

Kagami and Felix, seconds apart: I would never stoop so low

immediately after: Hey what the fuck? Rude

Nino: Nettie, dearest, sunshine, light of our collective lives and reason I breathe, what the fuck

Adrien: Kagami, my love, how could you? the Betrayal

Chloe: ew

Luka: Send pics or it didn’t happen

Nath: [insert the ‘right in front of my salad?’ meme]

Whenever they cross paths as Robin and Mari, he’ll just like,,, appear from nowhere hanging upside down spiderman style. Mari finds it endearing but she also wants him to stop scaring the shit out of her

Nicknames, because I have an unhealthy obsession with them, alright?

Misc Mari names: Bug, Bugaboo, Buginette, Madame President/Colonel (when the Team’s being cheeky), Princess, Marigold, Nettie (by like, Nino and Alix)

Jason calls her Pixie-pop

The bird boys call her Nightingale/Mockingbird in like, honor of her being a kickass civillian

Mari refers to them as ‘the flock’ (and bird-brains after getting to know them better)

Damian calls her: Starling, Habibti, ya qamar(my moon), malaki (angel), ya wardati(my flower) (b/c like, angel’s cute an all but I just think Damian’s way more dramatic than that tbh. he’d put thought into his nicknames)

Mari calls Damian: mon soleil (my sunshine) (because symmetry and also Mari thinks she’d hilarious), Birdie, petit oiseau/oisillon

I like the idea of Jagged being a native Gothamite tbh

it’s just so fun honestly???

He’s probably the reason the MTeam are in Gotham in the first place? maybe? anyway, the class is there, right? right. 

Kagami, Luka and Felix are all holding the fort down in Paris. Ain't no akumas but sometimes they need backup so when certain heroes need to disappear, Nath has Trixx set up an illusion of whichever one so they can slip away with the horse miraculous.

Mari’s the one who has to leave the most because she’s still Paris’ damage control, so like,,,,, ya know.

Mari doesn’t get left behind, at least not on the first day b/c come on people! She has plenty of friends in class watching out for her and a semi-competent teacher who does care even if she’s non-confrontational to a fault.

She does eventually become separated from the group. Half because of Lila and half because she’s always fucking late and got distracted.

She actually runs into one of the civilian batfam in the first place because the class was allowed an hour or so to wander around the shopping district or whatever to explore/buy things/get food. They just needed to return to the meetup spot at a certain time but Mari is like ten minutes away when it’s five minutes to the meetup

So she’s just… fucking booking it and completely takes out this trained vigilante without trying to.

Mari, as she’s groaning on the ground, tangled around a boy: By Kwamii, I thought my luck was supposed to be good Tikki.

That or like, the subway doors close before she can get on them and the rest of the class ends up ahead of her leaving her to get caught up on some bullshit in the next train or smth.

Oh, like. Of course it’s her train that gets held hostage. Wonderful.

(Later, Mari will rant at Tikki about her luck. A common conversation between the two tbh.)

This could be where she officially meets the Batfam as the Batfam. Or, like. A couple of em, at least.

Marinette getting serial adopted by the whole goddamn batfamily because i will die for this trope tbh i dont even care

The Robins nickname her Nightingale before they realize she’s Ladybug

They still call her that after but it’s not with the intention of making it her hero name anymore

Her and Alfred are def bros you don’t understand

Actually, Gina and Alfred are old friends. Mari totally knows Alfie before the bat fam and calls him Poppy/Pépé

which floors the batfam because what? Since when does that happen???

Alfred and Mari never, like, actually met in person before, but video chats exist and Gina def talks about the two to each other so it’s like they may as well know each other.

I also like the idea of Alfred being a former holder, probably the peacock. I would adore that

Just,,,, so many fun hero shenanigans

Yeah sure. The batfam are super detectives and have a history of figuring out people’s identities in no time at all. Whatever. Where’s the drama in that though? The showmanship?

Fuck canon, the Miraculous all have glamours because magic bitch and it plays fucking hell on the Batfam and all their shit

Every single Batfam member is simultaneously pulling their hair out because they don’t know who these heroes are???? Why can they figure them out?? Confusion???????

Miraculous team is just…. Straight up laughing at them. The poor dears.

That one gag where it’s a well-known secret that Mari has connections to every Parisian hero and is basically their own personal catering service/comfort place.

Also, it’s the worst kept secret in Paris that Mari is Multimouse

None of the MTeam have confirmed that rumour but they also don’t deny it.

they actually started the rumour. If all of Paris thinks Mari’s the mouse, a temporary hero, no one’s going to think she’s Ladybug/or that she’s an easy target to go after

chloe actually came up with that one

Mari meeting all of Damian’s ‘associates’ (ie pets)

She adores all of them and they her.

Especially GOLIATH, why isn’t he talked about more honestly???? He’s GREAT

She meets Goliath as Ladybug and Robin is just… so done with him??? You are supposed to be a fearsome beast and a professional why are you rolling over and expoSING YOUR STOMACH??? Meanwhile, Ladybug is just: Awww! Who’s a good boy? Who’s the best boy? You are! Look at how handsome you are! Cute widdle baby-

Miraculous Team hanging on the roof of their hotel kinda chilling

Maybe having a debate about doing some free-running/parkour?

Also maybe about whether or not they should be heroes while in Gotham

MT being like, why can’t we go and stop an armed robbery? we can help!

“Gotham already has very active heroes-”

“Vigilantes!”

“-whatever. I don’t want us stepping on any toes. This isn’t our terf and Batman’s known for being strict about Metas rolling around here.”

“We aren’t Metas though.”

“I don’t think he’ll enjoy splitting that particular hair, Nino. Just- not unless lives are at stake, okay? Emergencies only.”

“Yes, Colonel Ladybug.”

This debate most def gets crashed by batfam and confusion ensues upon both sides

batfam didn’t hear anything, they’re just really confused about these french kids hanging out on a roof in Gotham

Just.... yes. all of that. I have like, more but those are not organized or even remotely coherent. here you go! I might write for this but I already have other fics rn so... it wouldn’t be for a while. and as I said, I have no plot.

take this though, i guess. *throws confetti*

[someobscurereference]

The Ylissean Trio in Fates, fighting Anankos during the last battle… except Anankos twists the magic his other half placed in them, using them as puppets to fight the Nohrians and Hoshidans

Oof! Supremely painful concept, anon! For some reason I thought this happened in the Heirs of Fates DLC but with the kids fighting all the parents, but the wiki said that isn't true! Wild! (I have never played that DLC myself, so I guess I just assumed that happened, lol.) Anyway, even if it was just the Trio turned against their friends, that would be an extremely tough fight! Both because (1) the royals are some of the strongest members of the army, and it's canon via Xander & Laslow's Supports that Laslow is just as strong as Xander in a fight and has the leeway to play around when they fight, so Laslow (and probably also Odin & Selena, given that they're peers) attacking with the intent to kill right away would be a serious concern and (2) I'm sure the army would be trying to kill Anankos without having to kill their friends. But I doubt Anankos would let his puppets fall for anything short of death either. So the fight would be two-fold tough because of the Trio (or at least Laslow, but come on, you know it's all three) are canonically strong (i.e. difficult to restrain) and they're trying to kill a big dragon before their friends kill them

Also, the emotional toll would feel real bad

[starwarsep12]

Anyway here's that super terrible AU I was talking about the other day :)

((loosely based on the events of Frozen, yes the Disney film))

It is Benjamin Amidala Organa Skywalker Solo coronation day; a week after his 25 birthday. It has been 6 years since his mother, Queen Leia of Alderaan went missing when on a visit to her brother Luke. His father, Admiral Prince Han, has not been back to Alderaan since Ben was a boy, when he left to negotiate trade with neighboring star systems. Now Ben is to be crowned King. But a day that should be full of excitement is shrouded by melancholy, for Ben has a secret that not even his younger siblings know about; his strong connection with the Force.

Prince Poe (23) and Princess Rey (20), the adopted siblings of Ben, are near bursting with excitement for the coronation day. The gates to the Royal palace will finally be open; royalty and ambassadors from across the sector will be visiting, the two are ready for the new experiences. And while they have each other as companions, they miss their older brother, who used to be the last member in their trouble making trio. They are determined not to let this be the only day of freedom.

Lord Ambassador Armitage Hux (27) is the dignitary for Arkanis and her allied planets. He is the influential Lamh ar Dheis, the Right Hand of the King. A crisp and calculating man, he has come to rediscuss trade deals with the new King. He most definitely did not ask to be wrapped up in all of this space wizardry. Nor did he plan on finding the new King so attractive.

Captain Gwendolyn Phasma (28), leader of Lord Hux's personal guard and Sir Finn (21), newly knighted, also make an appearance as the threat known as Ben rampages. But Ben's powers aren't the only thing our heroes need to worry about. Supreme Leader Snoke of the First Order, an organization expanding in the outer ring, is also a powerful force user, and Ben is just the sort of person he needs to take over the Galaxy.

[easyhairstylesbest]

77 Valentine's Day Gifts You Can Get on Amazon Prime

If going to the mall during the holidays drove you nuts before 2020, then Amazon Prime will save your soul now more than ever. Where else can you buy a wool Mackage coat, a sculpted bust of a greek god, a cardboard turntable for cats, and toilet paper? From the comfort of your couch. Naked.

Because there are millions of choices on Amazon and going through the results for even a single inquiry can be exhausting, we went through tens of thousands of items and put together a definitive list of the best gifts you can shop this year with Prime. Our non-negotiable criteria? Items had to be unique, high-quality, practical or chic, because nobody has time for anything else these days. Below, our top picks on Amazon Prime to add to your cart now.

1

Ocean Mist & Sea Salt Candle

NEST Fragrances amazon.com

$42.00

With notes of sea salt, white tea and coconut, this ocean mist-scented candle is a guaranteed crowd-pleaser. (Something that can’t be said for most candles out there.)

2

Gabbi Vegan Leather Handbag

If you follow any fashion accounts, you’ve probably seen JW Pei all over your Instagram feed. What’s less known about the affordable brand is that their bags are made from 50 percent recycled materials and 10 percent of all profits are donated to animal sanctuaries around the world.

3

Polaroid Pop Instant 3×4 Photo Printer & Digital Camera

Being able to hold photos of special moments hits different. Polaroid’s wireless Pop Instant camera is a game-changer for making it possible to take, preview, edit and print 3.5 x 4.25 photos. The easily transportable device also offers WiFi connectivity, so users can upload their pictures straight to the ‘gram if they please.

4

Acrylic Sheep-Shaped Containers

Agirlvct amazon.com

$12.99

Whether you’re shopping for the aunt that does her own thing or your friend with the ironic instagram aesthetic, these sheep-shaped cotton swab containers will just hit different.

5

SLIP Silk Pillowcase

Anti-aging and crease minimizing benefits aside, a silk pillowcase simply just looks and feels luxurious. Because falling asleep these days isn’t easy, this queen size pillowcase makes for a thoughtful gift.

6

14k Gold Three Diamond Amigos Curve Post Earrings

Adina Reyter amazon.com

$675.00

If these diamond curve post earrings look familiar, it’s because Meghan Markle wears them on repeat. To give you a sense of just how versatile these beauties are, the Duchess wore these to Commonwealth Day 2018, throughout her and Harry’s Royal Tour of Australia, and numerous royal engagements in London.

7

The Archisutra: The handbook’s Final Chapter

Createspace Independent Publishing Platform amazon.com

$9.99

This creative Kama Sutra from London-based architect Miguel Bolivar is a good gift for cultured significant others. Each sex position is inspired by a famous building or furniture design with detailed data and annotated scale drawings.

8

Handmade Love Bracelets for Men & Women

Ubuntu Life amazon.com

$19.00

Ubuntu Life, which was included in Oprah’s Favorite Things 2020, provides employment to artisans in Kenya, in addition to running programs that support social inclusion for Kenyan children with educational and physical needs. A handful of colors are still in stock at the time of publication.

9

Premium Bamboo Bathtub Tray Caddy

For a fancy-feeling gift that’s actually affordable, look to this bathtub tray caddy. It has a stand that can be propped to read a book or display a tablet, plus a wine glass holder.

10

Fair Trade-Certified Chocolate Gift Set

Chuao Chocolatier amazon.com

$16.95

This dark and milk chocolate gift set from Whole Foods-carried brand Chuao Chocolatier contains innovative flavors the chocolate lover in your life won’t be expecting. Think: potato chip, honeycomb, salted chocolate crunch and more. 

11

Open Back Lace Teddy Bodysuit Lingerie

Spice things up with this surprisingly affordable lingerie find. Its delicate lace details and open back lend a glamorous touch.

12

Nonslip Hair Claw Clips (Pack of 4)

Claw clips were already having a moment in fashion before the pandemic. Now that we’re working from home and wearing our hair up every day, they’re all the more useful. These reviewer-obsessed clips boast 3k reviews and counting with an average rating of 4.8k stars.

13

Flex Wireless Earphones

I obtained a pair of the latest Beats (the brand’s most affordable headphones to date) for testing a few months back and haven’t stopped using them since. Delivering crystal clear sound, 12 hours of battery life, and a rapid fast charge, these bluetooth wireless headphones are overall better than headphones I’ve spent at least 4x more on over the years.

14

7/8 Jogger Travel Pants

Editor’s note: I own these joggers and am in love with them. What first sold me on these was that reviewers mentioned how similar these are to Lululemon’s On The Fly jogger, which cost about three times more. Fast forward to me owning 4 pairs and recently FaceTiming with my grandma who was rocking her own pair as well. A great gift for any woman who likes comfortable, flattering pants.

15

Reversible Zebra Bathmat in Grey

Jonathan Adler amazon.com

$63.34

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side… Not when you’re getting out of the tub though. That’s dangerous in an ER-kind of way. Anyway, here’s a cute, dryer-friendly bathmat. 

16

Le Specs. Air Heart Sunglasses

Le Specs. amazon.com

$67.90

If these glamorous and slightly oversized sunnies look familiar it’s because Meghan Markle sported this exact pair during her 2019 baby shower. Shoppers, note that these fan-favorite shades have a track record for selling out fast. 

17

OPRAH’S FAVORITE THINGS 2020

‘Tis The Season Huggie Set

Stella & Haas amazon.com

$29.97

This trio of hypoallergenic freshwater pearl huggies is another covetable find from Oprah’s Favorite Things List this year. Considering how versatile these earrings are, I don’t blame you if you opt to keep a pair for yourself.

18

UGG Fluffita Slipper

Have a shoe lover on your shopping list? Change their life with UGG’s Fluffita slippers. These fuzzy-feeling platform slippers will elevate all of their favorite loungewear ‘fits.

19

Mayberry Sheepskin Slipper

EMU Australia amazon.com

$59.95

Cozy gifts remain a failsafe move in 2021, so here’s another pair of chic sheepskin slippers certain to delight. 

20

Emmanuelle Initial Necklace

Jennifer Zeuner Jewelry amazon.com

$154.00

A personalized touch goes a long way in making it look like you didn’t wait until the last minute to pick something out and panic while doing so. Here, a gothic initial pendant from Jennifer Zeuner that subtly channels Regina George’s ‘R’ necklace. More letters are available as well.

21

Dachsie Ring Holder

This dachshund ring holder takes cute jewelry organization to another level. Perfect for the dog lover who’s constantly rotating her stack.

22

Layla Bamboo Bed Sheets

Layla Sleep amazon.com

$175.00

$125.00 (29% off)

A sheet upgrade is the gift that keeps on giving. Suitable for sensitive skin types and hot sleepers, Layla Sleep’s 300-thread count Bamboo sheets are soft to the touch and eco-friendly. (Bamboo uses 200x less water than cotton and doesn’t require harsh chemicals in the production process.) The set includes a fitted sheet, top sheet and 2 pillowcases.

23

PhoneSoap Pro UV Smartphone Sanitizer & Universal Charger

PhoneSoap amazon.com

$119.95

File PhoneSoap’s Pro UV smartphone sanitizer under universally practical gift ideas. In just five minutes, this device is able to kill up to 99.99% of germs thanks to its powerful UV-C light.

24

Plush Slipper Socks Women

Toes Home amazon.com

$14.99

Amazon reviewers are obsessed with this set of fuzzy socks, which happens to be a steal at this price. (Think 2.4k ratings and counting, with an average of 4.6/5 stars.) A handful of designs are available, but the heart motifs here are especially kitschy-chic.

25

Alix Mini Top Handle Satchel

3.1 Phillip Lim amazon.com

$695.00

They say the best gifts are the ones you’d want for yourself. Phillip Lim’s versatile Alix Mini top handle bag is proof.

26

Supreme Glamour

Thames & Hudson amazon.com

Anyone who loves The Supremes or retro glamour will swoon over this new coffee table book, which chronicles the fashion history of the beloved 1960s Motown group. Founding member Mary Wilson tells her friend and co-author, Mark Begu, the whole story of the band.

27

Gisele Long PJ Set

Eberjey amazon.com

$120.00

Eberjey is practically synonymous with great pajamas. Made from modal and spandex jersey (no polyester!), these PJs are breathable, ridiculously soft and hot sleeper-friendly. Unlike cheaper options out there, you can be sure these will last for years to come.

28

EDITOR’S FAVORITE

Power Workout Leggings in Black

Sweaty Betty amazon.com

$100.00

To give you a sense of how beloved British brand Sweaty Betty’s power leggings are, one pair has sold every 90 seconds this year. (Editor’s note: I own these and don’t stop talking about how I think they’re the most comfortable and flattering leggings of all time.) New to Amazon Prime, these are still in stock in every size at the time of publication. 

29

Women’s Asili Stacking Rings

Women-founded and sustainably sourced, SOKO makes some of the coolest, vintage-feeling costume jewelry around. Their pieces are handcrafted by artisans Kenya who use recycled brass, upcycled horns and traditional techniques.

30

Leather Touchscreen Texting and Driving Gloves

If you’re bougie on a budget, check out these Italian cashmere-lined leather gloves which boast over 1.7k ratings. As one reviewer put it: “They are great, and actually fit very well. Beautifully packaged. Could be a gift but I am keeping them!” 

31

Women’s Duality Reversible Sherpa Jacket

Alo Yoga amazon.com

$179.89

Not only is Alo Yoga’s best-selling Duality jacket fun and practical in equal measure, it’s reversible and one side is sherpa. Five other colorways are available too.

32

Drinking Animals Coloring and Cocktail Recipe Book

Each page in this delightful coloring book opens up to a different animal and new cocktail recipe. 

33

Tombow Dual Brush Pen Art Markers

Editor’s note: I’m a lifelong doodler and Tomboy’s dual tip brush pens are unrivaled when it comes to ease of use and vibrancy. Several color palettes are available in case you’re after something louder too. PS: A bunch are on sale right now, which is rare for the brand.

34

Apple AirPods with Wireless Charging Case

Few tech gadgets, if any, look as suave as AirPods. Of all the headphones carried on Amazon, these remain the #1 best-selling pair (no exaggeration), and for a limited time only, they’re currently on sale.

35

No Bounds Wireless Outdoor Speaker

House of Marley amazon.com

$58.78

These aux input speakers from House of Marley (which, fun fact, was founded by Bob Marley’s son, Rohan) boast an impressive ten hours of battery life. Even better? Because they’re dust-proof and waterproof, you and your partner will be able to enjoy these on outdoor adventures and road trips.

36

Retro Bluetooth Speaker

This ultra-compact speaker is sure to be a crowdpleaser. The indoor/outdoor speaker not only connects with bluetooth, but can be used as an FM radio with AUX connectivity as well, all while delivering impressive sound and 10 hours of battery life. A carrying strap and dust bag are also included, which makes for a sleek presentation.

37

Bose SoundLink Revolve Wireless Bluetooth Speaker

This sleek indoor/outdoor speaker delivers crystal clear sound quality and long battery life (16 hours!) certain to enhance any user’s listening experience. From true crime podcasts to Netflix to electronic music experiences, these will be a game-changer. 

38

Boy Smells Beeswax & Coconut Wax Kush Candle

Boy Smells amazon.com

$36.00

This Boy Smells best seller doesn’t actually contain any psychoactive hemp-derived extracts, but it’s still lit. Paying homage to the cannabis flower, the scent is warm, fresh and floral.

39

EDITOR’S FAVORITE

Hand and Skincare Amenity Kit

Grown Alchemist amazon.com

$25.00

Editor’s note: I’m never more than a few feet away from my Grown Alchemist hand creams in the winter. Containing a vanilla and orange peel hand cream, vanilla and geranium day cream and watermelon lip balm, I’d argue this is the most affordable fancy-feeling beauty gift on Amazon. Fun fact, clean Gwyneth Paltrow is a huge fan of this lipgloss. 

40

EltaMD Mineral-Based UV Clear Facial Sunscreen (1.7 oz)

Sunscreen as a gift? Only if it’s from EltaMD’s product line. If you or a loved one who spends a lot of time in the sun hasn’t tried this dermatologist-loved sunscreen line before, ELLE.com highly recommends. (Read Beauty Director Chloe Hall’s full review here.)

41

Sparkling Water Machine

sodastream amazon.com

$159.95

Kiss wasteful plastic bottles of seltzer from the grocery store goodbye. Set in a sleek monochromatic design, this SodaStream kit includes everything you need to make seltzer at home, including a carbonator.

42

14k Yellow Gold Hoop Earrings

Tilo Jewelry amazon.com

$69.99

Gold hoops go with everything and somehow always feel cool wearing. Here, a 14k gold pair made in the US that won’t slim down your holiday shopping budget. 

43

Sherpa Trucker Jacket

Levi’s sherpa jackets have been worn by every fashion girl from Gigi Hadid to Zendaya. The denim staple is not only a godsend for complicated transitional temps, but a cozy piece to throw on at home.

44

Visual Feast: Contemporary Food Photography and Styling

Earning its moniker, Visual Feast is a coffee table fixture that explores food presentation in a myriad of Art forms. From witty jello dishes to painted lobsters, the foodie in your life will find the book’s photography drool-worthy.

45

Classic Greek Michelangelo David Bust Statue

Beonueni amazon.com

$29.00

Nothing subtly says ‘I’m an Intellectual’ louder than having a decorative bust of a Greek god on display in one’s home. Your loved one won’t see this gift coming, but they’ll love it all the same. (Editor’s note: This is the only item on our list where you have to pay for shipping, but it’s only $2.99.) 

46

Women’s Natural Lace Trim Vest

Iris & Lilly amazon.com

$16.30

White tank tops have defined Tik Tok-era fashion more than any other article of clothing. Gift a set for the culture. 

47

Mentone Half-Zip Sweater

Varley amazon.com

$148.00

This half zip from British athleisure brand Varley is practically dripping in cozy appeal.

48

Women’s Nori-K Coat

Mackage amazon.com

$790.00

Kindly sidestep the puddle of drool that formed while I gazed at this wool coat. That leather waist belt! The removable bib (!!!). The feminine silhouette that doesn’t sacrifice warmth! She’ll love this because how could anybody not?

49

Squeaky Parody Plush Dog Toy

Haute Diggity Dog amazon.com

$15.99

A fabulous squeaky toy for a fabulous pup. (Editor’s note: hi, Freddy!!) 

50

Juicy Couture DIY Bracelet Making Kit

Make It Real amazon.com

$19.99

*Puts on Maneater by Nelly Furtado for a quick journey to 2006.* This kitschy DIY bracelet kit will pull at the heart strings of anyone who owned a velour tracksuit in the early oughts. Technically speaking, this set was probably intended for pre-teens, which makes it a good gift youngins who weren’t around for Juicy’s heyday all the same.

51

14k Gold Linked Diamond Stud Earring

Zoe Chicco amazon.com

$480.00

This 0.13ct diamond stud earring (yes, it’s sold individually and I’m sorry) will be her new favorite earring if she has more than one piercing. 

52

Kitty Espresso Coffee Maker

Stainless steel espresso coffee makers don’t get any chicer than the Bialetti Kitty.  

53

Walkie Talkies

These retro-looking walkie talkies are technically for kids aged 4 through 14; however, these will make a useful gift for any family quarantining together in the suburbs in lieu of a fancy intercom system. These boast a 3 mile range for outside, camping and hiking, as well as a backlit LCD flashlight. 

54

Modern Glass Globe Table Desk Lamp

This sculptural table lamp injects instant modernity and warmth. It includes an LED bulb too, so the design lover you gift this too will be able to set it up and enjoy right away. 

55

Clear Acrylic Bookends (Set of 4)

CY craft amazon.com

$16.97

If you’re after a gift for a book lover that isn’t books, this top-rated set of acrylic bookends works for any decor style. 

56

Enameled Cast Iron Signature Dutch Oven

Le Creuset amazon.com

$349.95

Le Creuset is the gold standard of cookware and their dutch ovens are the lightest on the market. Here, the legendary brand’s signature enameled cast iron Dutch Oven in a gradient motif that brings to mind sunsets and Prada’s fall-winter 2018 collection.

57

BoostIQ RoboVac 15C MAX

eufy by Anker amazon.com

$279.99

$175.99 (37% off)

It’s hard to come by a list of best robot vacuums online (written by experts who actually tested hundreds of models) where eufy’s RoboVac 15C MAX isn’t included as a budget-friendly mention. The RoboVac 15C MAX has wifi and Alexa voice connectivity, which makes it easy breezy to set up and use. Reviewers love how it delivers an impressive clean with strong suction and self-charges after a clean. 

58

Table Tiles

Areaware amazon.com

$20.98

There’s no such thing as too many coasters, though there is such thing as really tacky coasters. Trust me, I went through over 200 before finding this cool geometric set. These have a cork-lined base which further helps to protect furniture.

60

Sherpa and Fleece Throw Blanket

Green Orange amazon.com

$20.99

Sherpa on one side and plush on the other, this reviewer-loved throw blanket measures 50×60 inches, which means it’s large enough for two to comfortably snuggle during Netflix nights.

61

EDITOR’S FAVORITE

Men’s Sherpa-Lined Puffer Jacket

Amazon Essentials amazon.com

$50.10

Editor’s note: I got my dad this jacket for his birthday a few weeks ago because I figured it looked warm and practical. Turns out, this $42 coat is the softest-feeling men’s jacket anyone in my family has ever come across. Besides looking way more expensive than its price tag, this coat is warm and has a sherpa-lined hood which feels cloud-like. (Amazon, if you’re reading this, please make this coat in women’s.)

62

Men’s Figaro Chain Necklace

Miansai amazon.com

$125.00

In case you’re still thinking about how hot Connell’s chain was in Normal People. Same.

63

Men’s Memory Foam Slippers

These comfy slippers are machine washable, which means if he’s prone to having sweaty feet… you can gift these without any worry you might later regret it.

64

Polo Ralph Lauren Outdoor Bear Scarf

Polo Ralph Lauren amazon.com

For a guy in your life who’s a nightmare to shop for, look no further than this ribbed knit scarf featuring Ralph Lauren’s iconic, well-dressed bear.

65

Essential Crewneck Sweater

State Cashmere amazon.com

$140.00

Editor-loved brand State Cashmere makes 100% pure hypoallergenic cashmere for a fraction of what I see a lot of other brands charging. Here, a failsafe crewneck he’ll have for years to come.

66

Starter Shaving Kit for Men

Intro him to his new favorite grooming brand with a set that includes everything from a shave brush to priming oil to a safety razor and more. This shaving kit boasts over 400 reviews, with several mentioning how Bevel’s products help prevent razor bumps. 

67

Hidden Comfort No-Show Socks

Runners swear by the support and durability of Balega socks. Take it from the 7k reviews this no-show unisex pair has, these will be a hit.

68

Grand Court Sneaker

If you’re shopping for a boyfriend who’s an amazing person but just not the best dresser, start with his shoes. Prince Harry has been photographed in a similar pair (Sdidas’s Gazelle trainer) in a similar grey, suede color on countless occasions. This color looks sharp with everything.

69

DiamondClean Classic Rechargeable Electric Toothbrush

Philips Sonicare amazon.com

$199.99

$166.95 (17% off)

Rumored users of the prestigious DiamondClean toothbrush include Beyoncé and Kim K. Per Philips, this luxe toothbrush removes up to 7x more plaque than a manual toothbrush, whitens teeth after 1 week of use, and improves gum health in only 2 weeks.

70

Pet Cardboard Turntable & DJ Mixer

Suck UK amazon.com

$35.00

For the cat person who loves a good RAC remix. To quote an epic review on Amazon: “By 9pm, DJ Kitty was in beast mode as the rave kicked off in the living room. As the sun came up, DJ Kitty refused to part with the deck… Yes, a bit expensive for [sic]carboard, but we are considering selling tickets to the next show to make up the difference.”

71

OPRAH’S FAVORITE THINGS 2020

Footnanny Hemp Extract Spa Treatment Set

Footnanny amazon.com

$69.99

Footnanny has been on Oprah’s Favorite Things list for seven years and counting, though the foot-care brand is loved by many, many more. Here, a trio that will help with exfoliating, soothing and relieving targeted areas of the body that often get neglected. 

72

Foam Roller

Trigger Point Performance amazon.com

To give you a sense of how beloved TriggerPoint’s GRID foam roller is, it has 11.4k global ratings and an average score of 4.7 stars. It comes with free online videos so users can learn the best ways to utilize it for stretching and relieving tension. 

73

Fully Adjustable Desk Folding Exercise Bike

Exerpeutic amazon.com

$299.99

$255.86 (15% off)

If they’re a fitness lover who’s working from home right now, this foldable stationary bike desk will make staying active during the day an easier pursuit. Reviewers agree it’s easy to assemble and sturdy, with one reviewer even saying this has changed their life.

74

Essential Oil and Aromatherapy Diffuser

Victsing amazon.com

$25.59

Shopping for a dedicated yogi or someone who could use a little serenity right now? Meet VicTsing’s popular essential oil diffuser that boasts 11.3k ratings and counting. The diffuser offers 2 modes, 4 different timers and 7 different color lights, which makes for a personalized zen experience. 

75

Jenga

Jenga is fun whether you’re 6-years-old or 42.

76

Posh Peanut Pajamas Set (Newborn to Toddler Sizes)

Posh Peanut amazon.com

$30.00

Made from soft viscose bamboo, these pajamas will be super soft for any baby, toddler or eager young mind on your shopping list. A variety of prints are available in sizes spanning 0-3 months to 6 years.

77

Grippy Non-Slip Socks for Kids

Resilience Gives amazon.com

$10.00

The story behind this cheerful sock brand will move you (and the recipient). Resilience Gives was founded by Jake Teitebaum, a Hodgkin’s lymphoma survivor who was frustrated with poorly-made socks during his stem cell transplant, and is co-owned by Andee Wallace, whose father survived non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. For each pair of socks purchased, the brand donates a pair to a child with cancer who’s undergoing treatment in a hospital. (Women’s and men’s sizes are also available in case you also want to get yourself a pair.)

Justine Carreon Justine Carreon is the market editor at ELLE.com covering fashion, Dutch ovens, and fashion again.

Jaimie Potters Commerce Content Manager Jaimie Potters is the Commerce Content Manager at Hearst Magazines Digital Media, where she covers fashion, beauty, tech and more.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

77 Valentine's Day Gifts You Can Get on Amazon Prime

[radiojamming]

HISTORY WITH DJ: Franklin Expedition Mummies

So you’re on a jolly good vacation up in the Arctic, right? Because that’s your ideal vacation and nothing makes you happier than miles and miles of ice, loose gravel, ice, snow, polar bears, more ice, and the occasional seal carcass. You’re in your fun vacation boat, happily bobbing your way over by Cape Riley in Nunavut. “Beechey Island!” says your handy-dandy map, and that sounds oh-so fun because it must have a nice beach! A misspelled but otherwise fun beach! Turns out, you’re late to the party and a couple guys have been chilling there for awhile.

“GET YOUR OWN GRAVEL PATCH, SHITLORD!” they call from beyond the grave.

The thing is, not only would 2/4 of these guys probably not hesitate to call you a shitlord because they were a couple youngin’s and memes would probably be hilarious to them but, uh

they’re still

kinda fresh.

By that, I mean 3/4 guys were buried in 1846, and as far as we know, since 1986, they still look pretty good! Or, in the phrasing of one memorable article, one in particular looked “more cold and sleepy than dead”. 

And these three-outta-four are the famous Franklin Expedition mummies. (We won’t be talking about number four. He hopped in later and intruded on their cool permafrost party.)

Now, I won’t be posting any pictures of the mummies specifically, because they can be very disturbing and I remember the first time I saw them, I about hit the ceiling because I didn’t expect it. However, I’ll be describing them in detail and putting some other pictures in. You’re free to look them up at your own discretion, though. But again, fair warning, THEY ARE DEAD AND A FEW OF THEM LOOK THE PART. They were thawed out of the ice and they certainly look like it.

So let me introduce you to the three fabulous young men hanging out underground at the moment, and some background on them.

Much credit first to Kristina Gehrmann for making these gents look so darn lively! Her art’s awesome! (Also woof, Mister Hartnellllll~)

The Beechey Island trio were all part of the infamous lost Franklin expedition launched in May of 1845. Britain sent out two now-famous ships, the HMS Erebus and HMS Terror, to ply northern Canada for the Northwest Passage. Shit hit the fan awful fast, though, and there’s a reason it’s called a lost expedition. Like, uh, no one came back. People probably ate people. It was a bad time. And the three guys up there were the lucky ones.

Introducing:

JOHN SHAW TORRINGTON - AGE 20; OCCUPATION: PETTY OFFICER, LEAD STOKER (HMS TERROR)

Torrington, the younger half of the Johns, is kind of the face of the expedition, mostly because he was the first person who was exhumed. Dr. Owen Beattie, a forensic anthropologist from the University of Alberta, decided to exhume him in 1984 in an attempt to figure out what the heck went way wrong in the expedition. Now, his team knew they were probably going to find something interesting, considering the gents had been refrigerated in permafrost for a century and some change. They just didn’t know that all the guys would look as fresh as daisies in forensic-land when they pried the lids open. And Torrington was the supreme surprise.

With an expression kind of like :O, he had both eyes open (and he looked kind of ticked, like someone woke him up from a nap), blue patches on his face from the blanket that had been placed over his head (not frostbite), all of his clothes on, and a fun little piece of fabric tied around his head so he wouldn’t get the ol’ skeleton-scream face going. Aside from being tied up like a Christmas present, Torrington just looked exhausted, and more like the guys on the HMS Terror had pranked him than dying of horrible causes.

We don’t actually know much about his life, but we do know he was the lead stoker (fireman) on the HMS Terror, servicing its repurposed locomotive engine. Like the other two, he certainly had tuberculosis and pneumonia. The troubling part was, his hands weren’t very calloused, suggesting he had only worked for a short time and had been down for the count longer than he’d been on for it. Even though it had only been about seven months since they had left England, it was pretty clear Torrington had been sick for awhile already. He died on New Years’ Day at the age of 20.

Some interesting things about him:

-He was a petty officer at age 20! Go Torrington, go! -The gold-looking things around his head are wood shavings, but have often been confused for his hair. There is some light brown/blond hairs sticking out from under the fabric tying his jaw shut, but it was probably short. -He, unlike John #2 and William, had his pants on. No word back yet on why that is. -He’s the only body to not have a Bible verse on his headstone. No word back yet on that either. -We do know he was from Manchester, and had enough family to have living relatives now. (The anthropology team asked them for permission to exhume him.) -He probably smoked, judging by the state of his already whacked-out lungs. -People around the world were so fascinated by him that Iron Maiden, Margaret Atwood, Sheenagh Pugh, and a ton of others have written songs, poems, and stories about him. Most of it was owed to the fact that of the three mummies, he was the most intact and lively-looking. Some people seem to have crushes on him, too. I don’t blame them. -Torrington’s eyes were most likely light blue! They were hardly discolored and were probably very accurate to when he was alive.

WILLIAM BRAINE - AGE 32; OCCUPATION: PRIVATE, ROYAL MARINE (HMS EREBUS)

Out of all the guys in the permafrost, we probably know the least about William Braine, and he seems to have drawn the crap lot as far as health and state of his body. He was the last to be exhumed in the following 1986 expedition, after Hartnell was exhumed. But, for sake of following the picture up top, we’ll talk about him before Hartnell. 

William died, as the others did, of tuberculosis and pneumonia. Unfortunately for him, he seemed to have had to deal with it far longer than the other two. By the time he died in April of 1846, his TB had advanced enough to contort his spine, which would have been hella painful. He was extremely sick at the end, and chances are, he had been sick for most of the trip into Nunavut. The other sucky part was that his body had clearly been laid out for awhile before he was buried, and the crew seemed less prepared for him than they had been for the first two. He was kind of haphazardly shoved into his coffin, with one arm having to be tucked under his body because he was a big guy. He also, like Hartnell, had no pants on. Huh.

Some signs of him waiting on ice (pff) before being buried were that he showed more signs of decomposition than the other two. His lips had already receded (Torrington and Hartnell had dehydrated lips like most mummies), he showed discoloration, and there are signs that something had been, um, gnawing on him before he was buried. Ew. Again, there’s very few details about his life, which is kind of sad considering he was the oldest of the three. But here’s a few interesting tidbits! -He was buried with a red handkerchief over his face, and there’s been some suggestion that the handkerchief was a possession of his that he may have prized. -He had some rocking facial hair when they found him. Sweet muttonchops, Will. -Like I said, he was a big guy. There’s plenty of signs that they had some difficulty getting him into his coffin successfully. He even had a squashed nose because the lid of the coffin pressed against it all that time.  -He was buried deeper in the permafrost than John #1 and John #2, and no one knows why. He was also buried at an angle. This is strange because getting through permafrost is extremely difficult with shovels and pickaxes. Some have suggested that the crew knew someone else was going to die while they were on Beechey Island and had more time to make the last grave. -He has no descendants or relatives that we know of, and never married or had children of his own.  -Braine was right around 88 lbs. at death and was severely emaciated. Yikes. D:

And now, for the one I know the most about!

JOHN HARTNELL - AGE 25; OCCUPATION: ABLE-BODIED SEAMAN (HMS EREBUS)

Now of all the mummies buried on Beechey Island, I find John Hartnell the most interesting, and probably the most tragic. (I’m actually writing a book on him, so there’s that.)

Poor John Hartnell had it rough from childhood. His dad was a shipwright in Gillingham, Kent, and when he died, it seemed that John was the one to look after his mother and four younger siblings. Records show that at one point, he was a shoemaker before he was a sailor, and he had a Crown debt to pay off that today would be worth $13,000. It may have been back taxes or a loan, and it may have been inherited from his dead father. Either way, John eventually got coaxed to joining the Navy by his younger brother, Thomas, who had been in for awhile. The Hartnell brothers were apparently close anyway, as they were written on the 1841 census as being the same age despite being two years apart. Mathematically, on an able-bodied seaman’s pay, if the two of them served three years apiece on the Erebus, they’d be able to pay off $12,000 of the debt. So off John went, first on the HMS Volage, then on the Erebus with his younger brother in tow.

Based on the state of his grave, John Hartnell was a well-liked kind of guy. First, he was outstandingly tall for 1846, clocking in at a whopping 5′11″ 1/2 based on the admiralty records of the Volage. He had striking black hair (Thomas was a redhead) and hazel eyes, and judging by the face in the grave, he was pretty handsome to boot. He advanced quickly to becoming an able seaman, and based on the state of his shoulder bones in an x-ray, seemed to have taken to it enough to get whacked around a few times. When he died, his shipmates took extreme care with him. A pillow was sewn and stuffed with woodchips to cushion his head, a blanket was placed under his body and another was wrapped around him as a shroud, he was buried in three different shirts, and a wool watchcap was put on his head. All in all, he was very snug when they found him. Unlike William Braine, his casket was fitted to his body, so no stuffing him in was required despite how tall he was. Tape and paint made fake handles on the casket to give it a more refined appearance.

We know his little brother was with him when he died, as John’s body was clad in a shirt with ‘T.H. 1844′ sewn onto the shirttail, suggesting Thomas gave him his shirt. This may have been part of the reason why he was so cared for, but it’s also clear the crew cared about him quite a bit.

Poor John didn’t stand a chance, really. Samples taken have shown that not only did he die of tuberculosis and pneumonia like Torrington and Braine, but he also had a severe zinc deficiency. His stomach and intestinal contents were empty and he weighed under 100 lbs. at death, suggesting he was refusing to eat at the end and had severe muscle wasting. He was probably hallucinating and utterly feverish as well, and a theory poses that he, as well as the other crewmembers, may have also had lead poisoning. All of this points to a pretty gnarly end.

His body ended up being like the Christmas present of the entire exhumation project. First, when they took his hat off (to which I’d be pissed because he looked comfy as hell in there anyway), he still had all of his hair. It was pitch black and still styled and combed under his hat. He was also missing an eye and had a gouge in his right arm from an exhumation attempt in the 1850s. By the time they dug up Hartnell in 1986, his expression kind of looked like, “YEAH HI, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE I AM EXHAUSTED.”

Second surprise was that, after disrobing him (poor guy), he had already been autopsied before. Not only that, but the Y incision was reversed, all his organs were upside-down, and his ribs and sternum were flip-flopped too. This made the radiographers hella confused, and at first they thought it may have been the doing of the surgeon on board the Erebus. Turns out, it was probably the wonky exhumation attempt that stole his eye. In short, they hecked up Hartnell bad, and he deserved better. But his body told Dr. Beattie and his team plenty, and they snugged him right back up and reburied him on June 21st, 1986.

Fun facts, because I know way too much about this guy:

-His eyes were hazel, according to his records on the Volage. However, on his body, Dr. Beattie thought they looked more green. -He had impacted first molars in his jaw, but otherwise, had all of his teeth. Weird, considering able-bodied seaman got whacked in the face/head more than anyone else. -The 1850s exhumation also stole the nameplate off his casket as a souvenir. Like they didn’t do enough to him. -Because of his Crown debt, the Hartnells back in England weren’t given his Arctic service medal after his death. It wasn’t given to anyone until 1986. -There’s signs that not only did the crew dress him up nicely (still no pants, tho), but his hair had been combed and someone had cleaned his nails. His hands were also put in a funerary position, unlike Torrington and Braine.  -Brian Spenceley, a physics professor from Lakehead, went with Dr. Beattie on the expedition, as Brian was a living relative of Hartnell and a descendant of his younger brother, Charles. One thing he immediately recognized was the ‘Hartnell nose’. If you do look up pictures of him, you’ll know it immediately. -Hartnell also had some facial hair along his jaw, but was otherwise pretty clean-shaven. -He was so well-preserved otherwise (even though there’s evidence that there was a little bit of delay burying him) that he had full flexion in his joints and tendons like an unconscious living person. Doctors and scientists had no trouble undressing him or turning his head and moving his arms for scans and examination. -He seems to be more of the face of the expedition than Torrington. If you look up the mummies, chances are that Hartnell is the first person you see. He’s recognizable for his nose, his black hair, and his extremely ‘I’m so done’ expression. -No kids, no marriages. His brother was the same. :( (I woulda married him in a heartbeat.)

Now there’s about a million theories as to what happened to all of them. Lead-poisoning is a chief one of Beattie’s due to the canned food onboard being soldered with lead. Really, it just seems like the Franklin expedition was a Murphy’s Law situation.

[davedimartino]

NEW THIS WEEK 04.06.09

Big names are back! It's true!

After weeks of mildly interesting record releases by mildly interesting artists, today's batch of new albums could not be by more fascinating yet familiar artists!

Just take a look at these names: Neil Young! Billy Ray Cyrus! Rascal Flatts! Ramblin' Jack Elliott! Bob Mould! And, uh,  Jadakiss!

It's as if the record industry as a whole suddenly woke up and realized they had no idea whose albums they were releasing--they simply weren't paying attention! So they called in the old guard! The tried-and-true!

And the so-called "troubles" the music industry has been facing? Declining sales? Decreasing market share? Hah!

It was all a dream!

  Neil Young: Fork In The Road (Reprise)  Just one of the many reasons Neil Young is such a rockin' dude is the fact that someone showed him a bunch of possible cover photos for his brand new album and he selected this one! A pulse-pounding, noisy venture that with such tracks as "Cough Up The Bucks" recalls Young's lyrical glory days--and here of course I'm referring to his most memorable couplet ever, "Got mashed potatoes/ Ain't got no T-bone"--Fork is apparently about Young's 1959 Lincoln Continental, which he and some dudes rigged up to work on alternative energy! I'd suggest you buy it on vinyl if I weren't concerned about our diminishing global petroleum supply!

 Rascal Flatts: Unstoppable (Lyric Street) There's no denying that Rascal Flatts are one of the biggest names in the world of country music--well, except maybe by some other names in country music--but you can't knock their professionalism, their dedication, and the fact that they've got their collective finger on the pulse of the American heartland! Their latest and greatest effort--this one right here--is produced by the band and Dan Huff and features a wide array of songs, from heart-rending tales of lost love to upbeat tracks like "Summer Nights," which has been described as "a romp through a world of coolers and bikinis guaranteed to be a concert favorite"! And no, it's not a Morrissey cover! I love these guys!

 Jadakiss: The Last Kiss (Ruff Ryders)  "In many ways, I've based my entire career on the works of Wayne Cochran and J. Frank Wilson & the Cavaliers as well as Pearl Jam," explained Louis Sleagle--a fellow I ran into recently who was strumming the guitar at the Santa Monica Promenade! I suspect he's never heard a Jadakiss record in his life! But I'd be willing to bet that Mary J. Blige, Styles P, Faith Evans, Ne-Yo, Lil' Wayne, legendary opera hater Boo Rossini and Young Jeezy have! That's because they're on this record--and each in their own way would therefore like you to buy it! Crammed to the gills with streetwise plural nouns, this fab disc includes thoughtful tracks like "Pain & Torture," "Smoking Gun" and "Death Wish" and also serves as a mere prelude to Jada's other activities--including most notably "working on a sneaker lifestyle website"! And here we all sit, thinking shoes inanimate objects!

 Billy Ray Cyrus: Back To Tennessee (Lyric Street)  If Billy Ray Cyrus didn't have a certain haircut at one point in his life, if he didn't have a massive, "Macarena"-level pop culture smash with "Achy Breaky Heart," and if he didn't have a daughter who at this moment was one of the most famous entertainers on the planet, he's have no baggage whatsoever--and thus be able to be judged by music critics without any prejudice whatsoever! So let's pretend that's the case! [significant pause]  Hey, he looks just like Sawyer from Lost! [slightly shorter pause] Nah, just yanking your chain, Billy Ray! Great record!

 Doves: Kingdom Of Rust (Astralwerks) It's been four years since the last Doves album, but that's OK, because nothing's changed since then anyway! Still a trio--comprised of brothers Jez and Andy Williams and some guy named Jimi--Doves have made a strong fourth album here, and one worthy of your purchase. Oddly, both are the same record! It's just the sort of record you'd love to listen to while driving around Los Angeles late at night trying to find your house after a party or something! Wait, is someone following you?

 MIMS: Guilt (Capitol) Like many, I consider rapper MIMS an important figure for two reasons: His name is both easily spelled and punctuated, and his famous hit "This Is Why I'm Hot" had a deeply felt impact on American culture! You'd think he'd have learned his lesson after all that, but no--there he is on his new album wearing what looks like a flannel shirt or jacket! He's going to be hot again!  Oh well! I'm especially taken with this album's first single, "Move (If You Wanna)"--I like how it's more of a suggestion than an actual command-- and think you will be too!  Like Dire Straits, but hip-hop!

 Bob Mould: Life And Times (Anti-)  As the founder of Husker Du--a rock 'n' roll band who came into prominence at roughly the same time the term "alternative" began modifying "rock"--Bob Mould inspired an entire generation of young people to pick up their guitars and play mildly interesting songs very loudly! It was great! Then he formed Sugar and, uh, covered the Who's "Armenia, City In The Sky"! Then he went solo! Then he continued playing and became a legendary figure! Then he finally figured that all his career really, really needed after all this time was an album cover featuring nothing but a piece of "moulding"! And so that's it! He's peaked! God love him! Next week: "Rethinking the Minutemen!"

 Lady Sovereign: Jigsaw (Midget/EMI)  A cute little bundle of British joy, Lady Sovereign--who, incidentally, is not actually part of any royal family, nor is she a supreme lawmaking authority--made some news a few years ago with her single "Love Me Or Hate Me," which confused many music fans not especially used to being offered that option! Will her new album carry her off to greater levels of fame as part of that whole "wacky British chick" thing, or will it come to be regarded as the last gasp of what might have been a great career given the appropriate level of promotion and actual circumstance? Heck--I can't make that choice!

 Ramblin' Jack Elliott: A Stranger Here (Anti-) A legendary figure in American folk music, Elliott is given extraordinarily sympathetic production here by producer Joe Henry, and in the course of 10 traditional folk and blues songs ("Death Don't Have No Mercy," "How Long Blues") is given one of the best vocal showcasings of his long career. Highly recommended if you like this stuff!

 Bat For Lashes: Two Suns (Astralwerks)  It's hard to quibble with this second album from trendy Brit babe Natasha Khan--especially since it features Scott Walker and sounds like Steeleye Span if the person who sits next to you plays it while you're on the phone! Additionally, records rarely argue!