#anyways rhoda deserves better

[duck-hell-woo-oo]

I’ve been working on a redesign for Rhoda for awhile now and I think she’s done! She’s now a hummingbird, cause I think having a hummingbird botanist is a missed opportunity.

[chiseler]

Little Devils: 50 Years of Killer Kid Movies

Face it, children are just plain creepy—especially the really cute ones.

Historically—and I’m talking about going back thousands of years—we’ve always been scared to death of the children we’ve spawned. Before they’re born we worry they might be physically deformed or just a little off in the head somehow. And after they’re born and as they start to grow and think and talk, hoo boy, that’s when things really start getting scary, as you start to glean a little something about what’s going on behind those cold, staring eyes. I’m not a parent myself, but having been a kid once I fully understand the panic and fear that can grip parents as they come to better understand their kids. What if they’re no good at sports? What if they start hanging out with a bad crowd and using drugs? What if they get bullied by the other kids and take revenge by shooting up the school? Worse still, what if they decide to bludgeon us to death with a crowbar in our sleep one night? What if they turn out to be the bona fide offspring of Satan himself? What the hell do we do then? Sure, we all pretend to be shocked and dismayed when we hear news stories about some eight-year-old in Kansas or Oregon stabbing the little neighbor girl twenty times for no apparent reason, but let’s be honest—we all know what these pint-sized miscreants are capable of doing, and have simply come to expect it.

As with a few of those other fundamental adult fears, like asteroids, nuclear war, clowns and deadly plagues, over the years our fear of children has led to its own unheralded cinematic subgenre of Killer Kid movies.

While countless slasher films from Halloween onwards feature tykes with butcher knives who grow up to become adults with butcher knives, I’m focusing here on those films in which the snot-nosed killers remain snot-nosed throughout. While I could have included those rambunctious hobo youths from William Wellman’s Wild Boys of the Road (1933), those little back-to-nature wastrels from Lord of the Flies (1963) and the matricidal zombie girl with the trowel from George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead (1968), I, um, didn’t. So sue me.

Here’s a quick chronological list of a double handful of notable features about murderous children. It’s interesting to note that as the years pass, the films themselves seem to grow less clever, endearing, original and interesting. Just like kids!

The Bad Seed (1956)

I’ve long been a big fan of that Mervyn LeRoy. As a director, he always understood the darker side of human nature, and had a sly sense of humor about it. In 1931 he directed my two favorite (and two of the bleakest) Edward G. Robinson pictures, Five-Star Final and Two Seconds. Then eight years later he directed The Wizard of Oz. I always like to think (though I’m undoubtedly wrong about this) he intended his 1956 creeper The Bad Seed as a kind of bonk on the head to those audience members who hadn’t recognized the darkness that lay at the heart of The Wizard of Oz.

Okay, Nancy Kelly plays Christine, the nightmare-plagued mother of the world’s most perfect little girl. Not only is blonde, pigtailed and always immaculately dressed Rhoda (Patty McCormack) perfect, the ten-year old knows she’s perfect. As a perfect child, she also knows what she deserves out of life and those around her, and lord help anyone who doesn’t cough it up. As time goes on, Christine  begins to suspect Rhoda may somehow be responsible for the tragic drowning of a classmate who’d recently won an award Rhoda felt she rightly deserved. And if she was responsible for that, maybe she was responsible for all those other weird deaths that have been happening all over town, too. And what the hell’s the deal with that recurring nightmare, anyway?

Although based on a stage play that was itself based on a novel, it was LeRoy’s film that would become the standard reference point and template for so many of the Killer Kid movies down the line, though few would come close to matching it.

Village of the Damned 1960

John Wyndham was a reasonably popular pulp writer in the 1930s. While his crime stories gained him the most attention at the time, these days he’s best remembered for his occasional forays into sci-fi and horror. Day of the Triffids, his end-of-the-world masterpiece about killer plants (a personal phobia) was a major hit when adapted for the big screen, but his cautionary evil kid tale Village of the Damned had a much longer reach after director Wolf Rilla got ahold of it.

Yes, we all know the story: one day everyone living in a small English village falls asleep at the same time for some unknown reason. When they awaken several hours later, all the women of child-bearing age (even the virgins!) find they’re pregnant. Weirder still, they all go into labor at exactly the same time.

Ten years later, all the kids born that day have turned out to be extremely intelligent, blond, beautiful, and emotionless. Snappy dressers though they may be, they’re also arrogant little snots who have no time for adults or other kids, and only hang out with one another all the time. They also seem to share a psychic connection, and there are hints they have some larger purpose in mind. Anyone who tries to interfere with them gets the creepy glowing eyes treatment shortly before unexpectedly committing suicide. George Sanders at the top of his game plays a rational sort who tries to get to the Bottom of what all the hell,

It remains a starkly eerie and atmospheric picture that to this day can still make you want to punch blond British pre-teens right in the face.

The film went on to spawn one lesser sequel (1964’s Children of the Damned), one superior sort-of sequel (Joseph Losey’s 1962 These Are the Damned), a 1995 remake directed by Jon Carpenter, and a Simpsons parody. My favorite bit of cultural impact, however, is that some of your more out-there paranoids have worked Village of the Damned into the Montauk Project conspiracy, claiming beautiful, blond alien/human hybrids were created in the secret government labs in the caves beneath Montauk, Long Island. These Montauk Children, as they’re called, were set out into the world as sleeper agents (though most settled in Denver for some reason), and to this day are awaiting their secret orders from above.

The Twilight Zone: “It’s a Good Life” (1961)

It was included as one of the segments in Twilight Zone: The Movie, but good as that was, there’s just no topping the original. And there’s no topping the original because back in the early Sixties Billy Mumy was the creepiest kid on the planet. Rod Serling clearly recognized this, which is why he kept casting him.

Little Anthony Freemont (Mumy) lives in a pleasant small town where everyone knows him and everyone’s really nice to him. I mean really, really, REALLY nice to him,. And they’re really nice because over time they’ve come to realize that even if he doesn’t opt to simply blink them out of existence if they don’t do what he says, he has the power to make incredibly awful things happen to them. Even thinking bad things about Anthony isn’t such a hot idea. Things aren’t any better in the Freemont household, where his terrified parents (John Larch and Cloris Leachman) have to walk on eggshells out of fear he might do something else to his siblings, or them. )“It’s a…very GOOD thing that you did that…”)

It remains one of the most delightfully wicked and true portraits of just how terrified adults are of kids, and just how sinister kids can be.

Interestingly, Mumy apparently also had this power in real life, later going on to have a big hit with the novelty song, “Fish Heads.”

The Other (1972)

Kids alone are creepy enough, but you get twins to boot, you know you’re in for some bad news. And you get twin boys in a rural town in the 1930s? Holy mackerel, you might as well just pack it in right there and go home. Nothing good is going to come of it.

I don’t know how many times I watched Robert Mulligan’s film (based on the Thomas Tryon novel) on TV in the early Seventies, but it was a lot. Enough that to this day I still remember every shot and every line of dialog., but it still gets under my skin as one of the most effective of the lot.

Real twins Martin and Chris Udvarnoky play Holland and Niles Perry. As with most twins, one is mostly nice and sweet and innocent, while the other, Holland in this case, is the dominant, wickedly mischievous one.. Also like most twins, Niles and Holland share a weird psychic link. But in their case, and under the guidance of their Russian grandmother Eda (Uta Hagen), they can use a special ring to take things one step further. They call it The Game. As in Being John Malkovich, they can actually enter the consciousness of anyone they choose, from a magician in a traveling carnival, to a passing crow, to a corpse.

It’s a Northern Gothic tale complete with dark family secrets, farm accidents, dead babies, emotionally shattered mothers and real freaks. And an evil twin. It unfolds very slowly and quietly, and even though we get the Big Revelation at the halfway point, it doesn’t matter because the story rolls on with a few more twists and surprises left. It’s not shocking or terribly bloody, but extremely unnerving. Featuring an early turn by John Ritter and a Jerry Goldsmith score.

Don’t Look Now (1973)

Nicholas Roeg’s brilliantly shattered, hallucinatory narrative with the shock ending might be a loose fit here, but it had such an influence on other sort of Killer Kid movies (like David Cronenberg’s The Brood) it deserves mention.

The great Donald Sutherland was rarely better than he was here as John, an architect whose young daughter recently drowned near the family  home in England. He takes a job in Venice, thinking a few months away from home might be just the thing to help him and his wife cope. Shortly after they arrive, however, they encounter a blind psychic in a restaurant who tells them their daughter’s spirit is around, and seems happy. Being the slide Rule sort, John is less willing than his wife to accept this at face value. At least until he starts having recurring visions of what seems to be his daughter all over Venice. Dresses like her, anyway. He becomes a little obsessed with that little girl in the red cloak who may or may not be his daughter. Who cares if she might have something to do with that whole nasty string of brutal stabbings around the city?

The less said about it at this point, the better (and easier, to be honest). Almost 45 years on now, it still works, that ending still gets me, and there’s nothing else like it.    

It’s Alive! (1974)

People might cite Rosemary’s Baby as the be-all and end-all of films about pre-natal anxiety, but think about it. Sure, she gave birth to the Antichrist, but she has a good support network right there in the building, and if she treats him right, she’s set for life. No, for my money Larry Cohen’s breakthrough monstrous infant hint trumps them all, beginning with one of the most unsettling ad campaigns of the Seventies.

Funny thing is, though it’s remembered as a film about a baby with fangs and claws who slaughters all the doctors in the delivery room before escaping to go on a killing spree around town, if you go look at it again now you realize that’s only a minor subplot. It’s also a conspiracy film about government scientists using unwitting citizens as guinea pigs. Above all else, though, it’s an indictment of the mass media, which has the power to destroy the lives and reputations of innocent people on a whim, in this case the Davis family. And damn but that John P. Ryan is great as the horrified and disbelieving father who finds himself and his wife being publicly blamed (as is So often the case) for giving birth to a kid who isn’t quite right.

Much smarter and more subtle than most would give it credit for, It’s Alive ! Is loaded with Frankenstein references, and went on to spawn two equally good (and very different) sequels. To this day I will not put my face or fingers anywhere near a baby’s mouth.

Devil Times Five (1974)

The early to mid Seventies were mighty good years for Leif Garret. Not only was his picture plastered all over every teeny-bopper magazine in the country month after month, he was also scoring supporting roles in huge drive-in hits like Macon County Line and Walking Tall. Let’s just say considering his squeaky-clean image, Devil Times Five (aka Peopletoys) was a departure.

Garret plays one of five kids traveling on a bus which crashes in the mountains during a snowstorm. With the driver dead and not knowing what else to do, the five youngsters take refuge in a nearby resort.

It eventually comes out the bus was actually delivering the kids to an institution for the criminally insane, as they’re all kookoo bananas and extremely violent. There were hints of this beforehand, as per the standard asylum movie cliche, each nutty kid has a telltale tic—this one thinks she’s a nun, the black kid thinks he’s in the military. etc. But it’s all just mild comic relief until they pick up the knives.

Well, before you can say “Mr. Green Jeans,” they begin slaughtering everyone at the resort in a variety of hilarious ways, and occasionally in slow motion.

Unlike other Killer Kid movies which try to explain away antisocial behavior by blaming it on assorted external forces (government scientists, radiation, aliens, Satan, or an eclipse), these kids are just plain old evil by nature, and that’s all there is to it.

It wasn’t a big hit, it didn’t do much to propel Garret into leading roles, but today it’s earned itself solid cult status as a pre-slasher grind house number. And what’s not to love about the ol’ “piranhas in the bathtub” gag?

The Omen (1976)

In the Seventies and Eighties, a number of once-huge stars—Ray Milland, Richard Widmark, Henry Fonda, Rory Calhoun, Ida Lupino, George C. Scott and, in this case Gregory Peck—found themselves making genre pictures simply because that was all that was available to them. Granted, The Omen was a few cuts above The Devil’s Rain and Tentacles, but still.

Okay, regardless what the producers and screenwriter David Seltzer may claim about the franchise’s origins, the original trilogy of Omen films was lifted wholesale from “The Devil’s Platform” episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker.

Be that as it may, when you get a cast like this, a smart director like Richard Donner, a simply astonishing score by Jerry Goldsmith, some diabolical camera trickery and editing, wonderful practical effects (Lee Remick’s fall from the balcony kept me going for years), and a story about a smiling, (mostly cheerful 3-year-old Son of Satan wandering around England leaving a trail of beheadings, impaled priests, seriously pissed off baboons and hanged nannies  in his wake, how can you go wrong? Even if the script itself is absurdly silly.

In an interesting postscript, like so many other child actors deeply associated with high-profile horror films of the era—think Danny Lloyd from The Shining—Harvey Stephens (who as Damien spoke, what, five words onscreen?) would not appear in another film for the next four decades. And even then he hasn’t been in much, though he did have a cameo as a reporter in the remake of, yes, The Omen a few years back.

Alice Sweet Alice (1976)

I dare you to show me one worthwhile horror film about Presbyterians. No, as far as religious sects go, Catholics have it all over everyone when it comes to horror. You got your robes, your chanting, your weird rituals, your transmutation, your Inquisition, your fetishism, your magic relics, your ghostly visions, oh, it just goes on and on. The Catholic Church is just one big horror show, top to bottom. As a result, Catholicism lay at the heart of countless horror films, and Alice, Sweet Alice is among the best.

The tagline read, “If you survive this night, nothing will ever scare you again,” which may or may not have been a reference to the fact this was Brooke Shields’ film debut. Shields plays 10-year—old Karen, the cute, quiet, polite and well-dressed younger sister of that moody, smart-mouthed and generally ornery Alice (Paula Sheppard), who likes to pull nasty pranks and doesn’t dress nearly as well as her sister. Everyone from  the neighbors to their own parents to the local priest adores Karen and showers her with gifts, while they just wish Alice would go away. She clearly needs to see a shrink or something. So when Karen is brutally stabbed to death outside the church on the morning of her first communion and Alice is found with Karen’s veil in her pocket, well, there you go. And then when a whole bunch of other people around town somehow connected with Alice end up all stabbed to death as well, well, there you go again. I mean, she just looks like someone who could do something like that, right?

Alice, Sweet Alice is an American Giallo, so the less said about the story the better. For having such a tiny budget, the visuals are rich and gorgeous, filled with Catholic imagery and ritual throughout, featuring a cast of wholly unlikable characters you honestly don’t mind seeing stabbed to death (especially that Little Miss Perfect Karen). The one standout is Alphonso DeNoble as the crass, sleazy, filthy and morbidly obese landlord Mr. Alphonso. DeNoble has a terrifying charisma, which may have come from being a bouncer at a gay nightclub in Jersey in real life.

Yes, the film owes quite a bit, and blatantly so, to Roeg’s Don’t Look Now, but aimed at a more lowbrow mainstream audience. It’s a bloody, nasty little shocker still held dear by thousands of disaffected girls who survived Catholic school.

The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane (1976)

1976 was not only a busy year for Killer Kid films, it was also  the busiest year of Jodie Foster’s career, during which she appeared in half a dozen films ranging from Taxi Driver to, well, this, a film she and other cast and crew members would bad mouth down the line. In retrospect, it’s not really as bad as all that.

A 13-year-old Foster plays 13-year-old Rynn Jacobs, a precocious girl who may or may not be living alone in a rented house in a secluded section of a small, affluent seaside town. Her rich, nosy and suspicious landlady keeps barging in uninvited to ask too many questions, the landlady’s perv of a son (Martin Sheen) keeps putting the moves on her, a local cop is endlessly curious but nice enough, and a gimpy teenage magician from the area knows the score. But Rynn is self-sufficient and smart beyond her years. Enough so anyway to dispatch with all those nosy yokels who’d try and pry into her business.

It’s less a horror film than an atmospheric mystery that ties up all the loose ends by the three-quarters mark. Based on a 1974 novel, the claustrophobic stagebound film is mostly forgotten today, but back in ’76 the poster creeped the hell out of me. Certainly more than the film did.

The Children (1980)

Although “creepy bloodthirsty children” seems to be a simple, straightforward notion just bursting with possible storylines, 1980 marked the point at which screenwriters and filmmakers everywhere seemed to run out of ideas, so simply began rehashing those earlier, better films. Case in point is this slight variation on Village of the Damned.

This time around, instead of mysterious alien impregnation, a school bus full of perfectly normal kids drives through a cloud of yellow radioactive fog released from a nearby nuclear power plant. The radiation, it seems, turns all the tykes into shambling, emotionless and murderous zombies. Instead of glowing eyes, the infected kids have black fingernails (which was easier on the fx budget), and instead of psychically driving adults to kill themselves, the mere touch of these evil zombie children can fry any adult to a crisp. With little else to do, the radioactive zombie kids lay siege to their small town as the adults try to figure out just how to handle this. I mean, it was already hard enough trying to get them to go to bed on time.

Oh, derivative as it is, the film does have it’s moments. In fact it includes one scene I must admit I’ve never seen repeated in any other Killer Kid film, in which a group of well-armed adults barricaded inside a house open fire on the army of evil radioactive curtain climbers massing in the front yard. And when the adults finally do figure out how to dispatch the little monsters, well, let’s just say it was unexpectedly gruesome.

The Godsend (1980)

Given the year had already provided a Village of the Damned knockoff, it was apparently time for a Bad Seed knockoff, and an obvious one at that.

A pleasant and kindly British couple, the Marlowes (Malcolm Stoddard and Cyd Hayman) decide to take in a young unmarried pregnant woman even though they already have six kids of their own, telling her she can stay with them until she has the baby.  What nice people those Marlowes are! But wouldn’t you know it? As soon as the ungrateful wench spits out the baby she vanishes without a word, leaving them with a seventh mouth to feed.

Being pleasant people they don’t complain too much, and over time the child grows into a polite and lovely little girl named Bonnie (Wilhelmina Green).

Well, sure enough before you know it all the other Marlowe kids start dropping like flies, and the parents take their own sweet time connecting the dots. I mean, come now people! We all know what happens to the youngest kid in a large family.

Itself based on a less-than-original novel, director Gabrielle Beaumont’s low-budget film plays like a TV movie, and lacks pretty much everything that made The Bad Seed so effective.

Bloody Birthday (1981)

On June 9th, 1970, three women in a small California town give birth during a total solar eclipse (uh-oh!). The resulting three kids—Debbie (Elizabeth Hoy), Curtis (Billy Jacoby) and Steven (Andy Freeman)—understandably share a tight bond, and as their tenth birthday approaches in 1980, plans are underway for a big bash pretty much everyone in town is expected to attend.

In the week before the party, maybe just to trim that guest list down a bit, the trio of little scamps undertakes a killing spree. They bludgeon and strangle a couple of stereotypical slasher film teens making out in a graveyard, beat Debbie’s dad (the local sheriff) to death with a baseball bat, shoot a teacher, and attempt to lock a classmate in a refrigerator in a junkyard. No one suspects them, of course, because they’re freaking nine years old. Nowadays we know better. While you’d expect the big party to be the film’s climactic scene, it just comes and goes without much happening, and those darn kids keep killing.

Around the halfway point, a teenaged amateur astrologer offers up the closest thing we get to an explanation for such naughty behavior. During that eclipse, see, both the sun and moon were blocking Saturn. Since Saturn controls the emotions, these kids were born with no conscience. Okay, so you come to accept a lot on faith in these things. Ultimately, though there are hits of both Village of the Damned and Bad Seed here, the picture owes much more to Devil Times Five.

Director Ed Hunt had made a handful of genre cheapies prior to this, but today Bloody Birthday remains his most memorable film. The dialogue is often painful, the soundtrack is comprised of library music from TV movies, and it’s not nearly as gory as would become standard for slasher films, but his three little killers all exude a believable David Berkowitz vibe, and the film contains enough boobs to earn an R rating. In an irrelevant sidenote, it remains one of the very few entries here in which the kids use guns, and, I think, the only one in which they use a bow and arrow.

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Writer/director Robert Hiltzik’s weirdie is a delightfully oddball number not only within the Killer Kid subgenre, but also among slasher films, which is doubly surprising considering when it was released.

Although the film at the outset has all the standard earmarks of a cookie-cutter post-friday the 13th slasher film (a bunch of youngsters at summer camp, and endless supply of sharp implements, a fast-rising body count), careful viewers will note a few unsettling details. First, apart from the counselors, most of the campers (and victims) are pre-adolescent, and all the males, young and old alike, wear shorts that are just a little too short and a little too snug. Hmm.

Anyway, Angela (Felissa Rose), has been sent to summer camp against her will with her older brother. She’s pretty and nice and shy, but has clearly been damaged in some way. She adamantly refuses to go swimming or play games ore shower wit the other kids, despite repeated (and usually understanding) pleas  from the counselors. She prefers to be alone, and isn’t much interested in making new friends. I know the feeling. I was sent to summer camp once, and after a lummox named Trent got to go home because he got a fish hook in the eye, I considered bribing those kids with the fishing poles to do the same to me.

Anyway, if you haven’t seen it, the less said the better. Let’s just say it fits the category, but with a notorious twist, and remains near the top of the lists of many slasher film fanatics I know. I do wonder, though, given the age we’re living in, how this one would go over today. It also leaves me wondering what the deal is with that Robert Hiltzik.

Children of the Corn (1984)

Yes, it’s a stinker, but remains a memorable touchstone within the then exploding subgenre of Stephen King stinkers. I always find it funny that King continues to bitch about Kubrick’s adaptation of The Shining, but never has a word to say about this, or The Mangler, or Silver Bullet, or Maximum Overdrive or…

But that’s beside the point. Given the subject at hand, both the original short story and Fritz Kiersch’s film adaptation are interesting in that they represent a genre-blending crossover between Killer Kid movies and Religious Zealot horror.

AS much as there is to chuckle at here—my goodness what an awful bit of filmmaking, from the script to the performances to the camera set-ups and fx—dammit I keep going back to it. I do enjoy that flashback in the diner, as well as the fact the initial slaughter of the adults is never clearly explained. Not really, anyway. And I do dig the amateurish overacting on the part of John Franklin as the crazy young preacher Isaac and Courtney Gains as his True Believer henchman Malachai. And I’ll watch that R.G. Armstrong in anything. Mostly, though, I think I keep going back time and again just to hear the line “He wants you, too…Malachai!,” which has been a catchphrase of mine for years now.

Firestarter (1984)

Amid the mid-‘80s flood of Stephen King quickies, at least director Mark L. Lester had a few more chops than most. He also had a much larger budget, which allowed him to sign a cast that included George C. Scott, Art Carney, Louise Fletcher, Martin Sheen and Heather Locklear (!).

So a young couple who met in college while volunteering as research guinea pigs in a secret government drug test later get married and have a daughter. As these things happen (see Blue Sunshine or Jacob’s Ladder), those secret government drug tests have a way of hanging around awhile, with some mighty unexpected side effects. In this case, their new daughter Charlie (Drew Barrymore, who was in a few King adaptations) was born with pyrokinetic powers, meaning she can set anyone or anything she doesn’t like ablaze, the lucky brat.

Well, a few years later when the secret government agency that ran the secret government drug test catches wind of what little Charlie can do, they decide they’d like to have a little chat with her, and maybe her dad too (the briefly popular David Keith), who himself might have psychic powers. Or maybe they’d like to have something more than a chat.

Less a horror movie than conspiracy thriller and chase picture, Firestarter remains an oddity here, as it’s one of the few Killer Kid films in which we’re asked to root for the Killer Kid, actually hoping the wee pyro in question, even though she’s cute and blond, will set a few of those icky, mean adults on fire.

It’s hardly on a par with The Shining, Carrie, or The Dead Zone, but at least it’s better than Night Shift, Sometimes They Come Back, Children of the Corn IV, Cat’s Eye, Maximum Overdrive…

The Omen IV: The Awakening (1991)

As would become standard for plenty of other franchises that had seemingly run their course, some bright TV executives thought there was still some money to be made with that whole Omen thing. A decade after the last and supposedly final entry came out, why not give it the TV movie treatment? And while we’re at it, why not give it a fresh twist by doing a little gender switcheroo, right? So this time around, why not make Damien a girl? That’d throw viewers for a loop, wouldn’t it?

(An Omen IV novel had actually been released shortly after The Final Conflict came out, but it had nothing to do with this.)

The events of the previous three films have long been forgotten by the time we get underway here, I mean, don’t we see the Second Coming of Christ at the end of Final Conflict? Okay, so I guess Jesus had gone on vacation or something by the time two young smug and wealthy lawyers (Michael Woods and Faye Grant) adopt a new daughter without asking too many questions.

Their daughter Delia (Asia Vieira) grows into a pretty, dark-haired young girl who is extremely unpleasant. Oooon, but she’s a bratty little smartass who could use a spanking.  I always thought the Antichrist was supposed to be charming and charismatic, but I’ll let it slide. In any case her New Age hippie nanny starts to suspect something far more sinister than smug parents might be at the heart of Delia’s bad attitude. When all her magic crystals turn black in the little girl’s presence, she starts making frantic calls to her other New Agey friends.

I’m going to stop there. Hilariously awful film, save for one scene, And that one scene alone is reason enough to forgive the film’s countless other unforgivable flaws.  

The nanny drags Delia to a New Age fair in a park in hopes of getting a snapshot of her aura, and let’s just say things don’t go well for much of anyone. In simple slapstick terms, it’s on a par with Final Conflict’s montage of baby murders.  

The Good Son (1993)

As he transitioned from the “dorky, buggy-eyed but still weirdly cute” kid in the Home Alone pictures into a “dorky, buggy-eyed and much less cute” adolescent, Macaulay Culkin decided to prove his range as an actor by playing against type in still another take on The Bad Seed.

Instead of telling the story through the mother’s eyes, in Joseph Ruben’s film we see things through the eyes of a nice, wholesome kid named Mark (a young Elijah Wood). After his mother dies, he’s sent to live with an aunt and uncle and two cousins. Not yet knowing he should avoid anyone named “Henry,” Mark and his cousin Henry (Culkin) become good friends. But after Henry is clearly delighted when one of his silly boyhood pranks triggers a deadly multi-car pileup, and after he shows off his homemade gun to Mark, and furthermore hints he once tried to kill his own brother, Mark starts to get the idea Henry might well be a psychopath with bigger diabolical schemes in mind.

Ruben’s picture is a slight cut above the likes of, say, The Godsend thanks to that change in perspective. Although Culkin makes for a believable psycho kid, it didn’t really do much to revamp his career and set him on that road to an Oscar. Thinking about it, though, Henry’s use of improvised and homemade weaponry wasn’t that big a step away from his Home Alone character, but with more fatalities and fewer cartoon sound effects..

Home Movie (2008)

The found footage/hand held video/POV horror film was pretty well dead and buried as a style by 2008, but that sure didn’t stop anyone. It was a cheap way to make a movie, after all. In this case, though, the story would have worked much better as a straight narrative, as the POV gimmick just gets in the way, leaving viewers (or maybe just me) repeatedly asking, “Why would anyone be filming this?”

Why, for instance, would an alcoholic Lutheran minister (Adrian Pasdar) choose to film an intimate argument with his psychiatrist wife (Cady McClain)? And why would a psychiatrist use the family video camera to record private patient notes, leaving them mixed in there with the Christmas and Easter home movies? Maybe writer/director Christopher Denham was trying to make a point about people so obsessed with living through screens that they can easily ignore the obvious and increasing threat posed by their clearly disturbed twin children, who mostly just lurk in the background as the parents focus on themselves. I doubt it though.

The creepy ten-year-olds Jack (Austin Williams) and Emily (Amber Joy Williams) were born on Halloween. While their parents try to desperately prove just how fun and cool and hip they are by setting up haunted houses in the basement and teaching their kids how to pick locks, Jack and Emily spend the first half of the film staring sullenly at the floor. Soon enough though, they begin killing goldfish, crushing toads in vices, crucifying the family cat, and attacking schoolmates, working their way up the evolutionary chain toward You Know Who.

Oh, I’m not giving a goddamn thing away here—the goddamn tagline gave it away! And even without the tagline if you couldn’t see exactly where this was headed with the first scene, maybe you need a nap or something.

To it’s credit, like Devil Times Five, Home Movie offers no explanation for why the kids are funny in the head. If you wanted to push it you could make something out of that Halloween birthday or the fact the family name is “Poe.” Myself, I just tend to accept that any kid unlucky enough to have a preacher or a shrink as a parent is fucked from the start.

Case 39 (2009)

Renee Zelwegger stars as a young sincere and overworked case worker at Children and Family Services. After the seemingly unbalanced parents of a shy, sweet and neglected girl on her case list try to cram the pre-adolescent into the oven (repeatedly!) one night, the parents are institutionalized and the social worker adopts the girl.

Okay, same as with Home Movie, if you can’t see where this one was headed ten minutes in, theres something wrong with you. Funny twist is, while I initially took it to be simply yet another Bad Seed knockoff (which it is) before deciding it was simply another Omen knockoff (which it is), by the half way point it finally  became clear: what I was watching was in fact a knockoff of Omen IV: The Awakening. And that’s pretty bad. To make it all even sadder and more pointless, Case 39 is capped by a climax that makes absolutely no sense, if you think about it even  for a little bit. Even the Omen IV had a better ending, and that’s saying something.

Considering all the above, the ultimate lesson to take away here is that, talk as we might about The Terrible Twos, it’s when the little monsters turn ten that you really need to watch out.

by Jim Knipfel

[the-record-newspaper]

The Killing of Rhonda Hinson: Part II

Rhonda Hinson and Greg McDowell

(Editor’s Note:  The 1980’s was a violent decade for women in Wilkes and surrounding counties.  At least four young women were murdered between 1981and 1987—their cases remain unresolved:  Rhonda Hinson of Burke County — who has relatives in Wilkes County, Angela Hamby of Wilkes, who disappeared in 1982,  Sherry Hart of Ashe County, and Candy Roberson of Wilkes. This series, “The Killing of Rhonda Hinson” is the second in a trilogy of murder cases that will be detailed in The Record over the ensuing weeks and months — cold cases of crimes perpetrated against women over 30-years ago, whose families await justice and closure.)

 By LARRY J. GRIFFIN

Special Investigative Reporter

I’m really sorry and I apologize for pushing you.  I really lost my temper and I’m sorry for being so stupid…I’m sorry I’m so jealous, but I can’t help it….—Excerpted from a letter Greg McDowell wrote to Rhonda Hinson during their Senior Year, 1981.

 By all appearances, Greg McDowell and Rhonda Hinson were an ideal match.

Born on Feb. 7, 1963 to Rev. Charles and Betty McDowell, Gregory Lynn shared several early commonalities with Rhonda Hinson. Both were born on a Thursday.  He, like her, also came from a family with two children whose birth orders were identical — an older girl and a younger boy — the age variance, in each instance, between the two siblings was virtually the same.  Additionally, his parents came to North Carolina from South Carolina just as the Hinsons had done.  Even their names — whether given or full — had exactly the same number of letters.  

Interestingly, the differences between them seemed to work to the mutual advantage of each:  Greg was an accomplished student and a medium athlete; Rhonda was the accomplished athlete and a medium student.  In one of his many missives addressed to her, Greg noted that even their dissimilarities were, in fact, complementary in nature.  “…I may be better in Math, but you are a better typer [sic] than me.  We both do some things good and some things not so good.”

No one knows for certain when Rhonda Hinson started dating Greg McDowell; however, there is agreement that it must have been in the Fall of their junior year. During the budding romance, Greg had a penchant for sending cards to his new girlfriend; in fact, there were at least nine cards forwarded to Rhonda during the 1979-1980 school year that remain in the possession of her parents.  One American Greetings “get-well” card noted an early milestone in their relationship:  

…Thanks for the happiest 4 months of my life and always remember that I love you!!! Greg  

P.S. We have 82 years and 8 months to go!

 And in a Hallmark card with an Emily Dickinson quote embossed in gold on the front plate, the young McDowell references yet another milestone; he penned:

You’ve given me much happiness over the past 25 weeks.  Keep it up forever!  I will always love you!

Love, Greg

Unable to locate a suitable greeting card to mark their first-year anniversary, Greg fabricated his own:  a booklet of thirteen 3x5 index cards befittingly stitched together with a bright red ribbon.  Then he authored an amorous aphorism:  

Rhonda, After all we’ve done together

Through hot and cold and snowy weather,

There’s something that I just must say,

On this, our very Special Day;

Looking back on what we’ve done,

I’d say we’ve had some fun;

But as we watched some things go wrong,

We found it helped our Love grow strong;

So, I know one day we’ll be,

Together, Forever—‘Just You-n-Me!’

I want to say one more thing, Pup-E,

Happy Anniversary!!!

I Love You!!

Greg

Other cards contained Valentine’s greetings, pledges of lifelong love and devotion, lamentations of pain catalyzed by the absence of the object of his affection, and “get-well” sentiments.  All were thoughtful — even sweet — overtures proffered by a young man clearly and happily smitten, laced with as much chivalry as could be mustered in Burke County in the 1980’s.  

And Rhonda seemed to delight in the attention she was incessantly receiving from her new suitor.  Mother Judy Hinson concurs, “I would say that during the first year that they dated, Rhonda was truly happy.”  

During the couple’s 1980-81 senior year, cards were supplanted by missives written in pencil and ink upon notebook paper. Rhonda apparently kept most of them — over 25 letters and three cards, carefully preserved by her parents. Though these contained similar, repetitive declarations of lifelong love and devotion; the letters were less playfully reflective of young love and gradually resonated a darker tone — becoming increasingly more insistent, more demanding, more desperate, with a foreboding edge.  

Predictably, disagreements between the two young people arose periodically, and indications of these commenced to appear within the lines of Greg’s handwritten notes, though somewhat downplayed.  

Oh guess what?  We forgot to straighten out that big argument that we didn’t have on the phone last night! I am right!  Basketball is not numero uno in my life!  So there!  That settles that.  Quickly changing the subject….

Admitting to having a “bad day” at school at some juncture, Greg writes:

…I’m sorry about while ago.  I didn’t mean to be like that.  I’m just so tired.  I’m really sorry.  I know you don’t feel too well either; so, let’s try extra hard to be nice to each other, OK?  Thanks for understanding (if you do)…I’m really sorry I was like that while ago.

PS. Come at 6:00 unless you here [sic] from me.  We’ll get some supper if you want any. I will be hungry.

Almost imperceptible at first, the letters began to assume an austere tone, indicative of more pervasive upheavals.  

Rhonda…I am not eating lunch today; I’m sitting where we were at break today and I’m writing you this letter.  It’s kind of hard to hold back the tears; so, if this paper is wet, you will know why. I just can’t imagine us not being together and when I think of it, I go to pieces.  I want you to know that I love you now and I always will love you. I never want to hurt you and I would never intentionally hurt you.  I’m sorry, very sorry about the things I said…I want you to know that I didn’t mean it. I want us to go on like we were and forget about this.  I love you very much and I don’t want this or anything else to pull us apart.  

I know I make lots of mistakes; but, I try so hard to make you happy….All I ask in return is love and understanding…Please forgive me when I make you mad and try to think about the good things I do for you…I really do love you and I’m sorry I hurt you, really.

 The tenor of Greg’s notes and letters recommends to suspicion that he was becoming increasingly frustrated by Rhonda’s ostensible lack of reciprocity.  He would take the time — even class time when he was bored — throughout the day to write a note to be hurriedly delivered to Rhonda as he passed her in the hallway, while en route to other classes and activities that the two did not share. Periodically, he relied upon the “Mercury” services of a friend to discreetly pass along his impromptu messages, garnering little — if any — response from the girl he loved.  

“Rhonda just wasn’t that type of girl — she wasn’t very demonstrative of feelings,” Judy Hinson recollected.  “In fact, she was very private about them.  She wouldn’t even cry in front of us — and she hardly ever said, ‘I love you.’”

Perhaps Greg failed to understand that predilection or felt that he could somehow motivate Rhonda to become more responsive to him.  It is not surprising that he began to vent his frustration within pointed paragraphs:

…From now on, I’m not going to mention anything about you writing me a note at lunch. It’s up to you, anyway, and I can’t do anything about it.  If you want to write something you will and if you don’t you won’t.  But I’m not saying I don’t care, because I do care and I want you to write but I can’t make you.  So, it’s up to you…From 8:20 – 3:03, I see you every bit of 25 minutes…So, please understand why I want you to write during lunch. Ok?

With each passing day of the senior year, Greg McDowell seemed to grow more insecure about the relationship he had with Rhonda Hinson.  His increased uncertainty triggered a proportional surge of jealousy that commenced to subtly surface.  In one postal script appended to a note he admonishes, “Don’t flirt with the customer’s [sic] at work.”  But during one full-blown jealous conflagration, Greg became physically aggressive for which he later apologized — in a letter, of course:

Dear Rhoda,

I’m sorry and I apologized for pushing you. I really lost my temper and I’m sorry for being so stupid.  Please forgive me. Really, I’m sorry for pushing you. I just lost my temper. Please understand. I love you and you can do anything you want to me to get me back. I deserve it. I’m sorry I’m so jealous, but I can’t help it.  When I read the part about ‘love ya’ and ‘wish I’d gotten to know you a lot sooner’ and ‘see you at work this summer’ and ‘play tennis with you this summer,’ I naturally got upset. I hope you don’t care for him. If you don’t you shouldn’t mind me beating his ass.  

I love you,

Greg

In a series of reflective recollections that Judy Hinson penned on notebook paper, she proffered this observation:  “I think [Rhonda] enjoyed Greg’s being jealous and possessive [at first] but then I think she had gotten tired of his demanding to know everything she did — where she went, who she talked to — everything.”

One of the recurring themes articulated through the letters of Greg McDowell was his desire for Rhonda to return to being her ebullient, insouciant self subsequent to an argument or misunderstanding. Several times he cajoles her to be happy, to smile, and to be glad to see him.  In one of his short missives, Greg reassures Rhonda that he loves her and that it hurts him to see her “sad, upset, or worried.”  Then he appends a poignant postal script:  

“You’d better be happy and smile and be your usual self tonight or I’ll shoot you with my shotgun!”

Rhonda Hinson had approximately12 months to live.

[themtmshow]

hey I'm a teenage girl and I'm just getting into this show and I feel like I'm not understanding how big it is/was? is there any modern day comparison you can make to help me understand? thanks! I love your blog!

First of all, I’m very sorry for the delay in answering you. Secondly, I’m so glad you like my blog and the show! I hope you are still enjoying both. And thirdly, I’m posting under a cut because this got ridiculously long, for which I apologize. I tried to give you a concise answer, I really did, but the question deserved so much more. If you hate reading long things, just ignore all my stuff and only read the quotes, which are blocked off. That should give you a pretty good idea anyway.

Your question is really good, but it’s a little tricky for me to answer, because I wasn’t actually alive when the show was first on the air. It’s also hard to answer because I assume you’re talking about the show’s cultural impact, and it’s sort of impossible to know what current show or movie is going to have that kind of impact 40 years from now.

But I think I would have to compare it to Wonder Woman. One of the reasons Wonder Woman is considered so important is that it had such a strong and well-rounded female protagonist, whose narrative revolves around her personal journey and not that of a man. It’s also  the first really successful superhero movie about a woman, and that’s not a genre where you see very many female main characters, so the movie is sort of groundbreaking in that way. The Mary Tyler Moore Show is similar because, as far as I know, it was the first time a working woman was portrayed on television as the lead of her own sitcom, which was quite revolutionary. And Mary herself is really important because although she wasn’t perfect, she was a strong, mature, rounded female character who carried her own story - not unlike Diana Prince.

Here’s a quote about Wonder Woman from an article by Carrie Witmer:

The thing that matters most about “Wonder Woman” is the portrayal of Wonder Woman/Diana Prince herself. Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman is a fully realized character. She’s emotional, confident, yet also insecure. She has hope and she has fear. She can love and lust and she can feel sadness and joy. She’s not just a beautiful face or hot body kicking ass.

Compare that to this quote about The Mary Tyler Moore Show, from a blog post by Erika Schmidt:

The Mary Tyler Moore Show was about a woman in her thirties living her life. Not within the context of her perfect marriage, or her continued wacky attempts to sneak into her husband’s show, or her quirky adventures as a mom/witch. It was, comparatively speaking, real. She worked, she dated. She threw terrible parties. Her friendships were of obvious and incalculable value. She was graceful, clumsy, timid, brave. She developed before our eyes. Mary Richards can’t be described in one sentence. And that is the point. That is what makes her a feminine icon.

The Wonder Woman comparison does break down a bit for a couple reasons: One, The Mary Tyler Moore Show actually drew a lot of heat from the feminist movement at the time, because people didn’t think it was going far enough. I haven’t seen any criticism of that sort about Wonder Woman, which doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but it doesn’t seem to be as common. Two, Wonder Woman is a movie set in World War 1, and The Mary Tyler Moore Show is a sitcom set in the decade in which it originally aired. So it’s not a good comparison in terms of format.

I don’t actually watch that many TV shows, but one of the few shows I do enjoy is Brooklyn Nine-Nine. B99 is a sitcom set in the workplace that regularly brings up social issues in a sort of low-key, subtle way, and that’s also what The Mary Tyler Moore Show did. The Mary Tyler Moore Show brought up issues like equal pay and birth control, whereas Brooklyn Nine-Nine brings up things like transphobia and racial profiling, but on either show, it’s rarely done in a way that makes the issue the focus of the episode. And that can be very powerful.

Here’s a quote from an article about Brooklyn Nine-Nine by Alyssa Rosenberg:

“Brooklyn Nine-Nine” has always been unusual in the series’ ability to find unpredictable routes into a wide range of issues in contemporary policing. In four seasons, it’s tackled everything from the New York Police Department’s history of racism and homophobia, to the abuse of internal affairs investigations, to how different city agencies work together, to how overzealousness can influence even a good cop’s judgement.

Compare that to this quote from an article about The Mary Tyler Moore Show by Alexis Sottile:

Over the course of the show’s seven seasons, Mary evolved with the times, tackling infidelity, birth control, sex, job promotions and the general human condition with the same mix of pluckiness, aplomb and oh-shit-do-I-really-have-to-do-this that made her an accessible role model for the new woman – and a sympathetic character for those that were scared of this new breed.

I’ll give a specific example: In season 3, there’s a brief reference to Mary taking the birth control pill. It was just a tiny snippet of dialogue, but it helped shift societal opinions on women being sexually active outside of marriage, which was still very controversial in the 70s’. The book “Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted” by Jennifer Keishin Armstrong includes this quote (p. 172) by Treva Silverman, who was one of the head writers on the show:

Mary was a “nice girl,” in quotation marks… If Mary was taking the Pill, it gave the stamp of approval for sexuality.

Treva Silverman, in case you didn’t know, is a woman. And that’s another huge impact the show had: It actively sought out female writers at a time when there was still a huge stigma against women in television production. (Here’s a good article about that.)

The show actually motivated lots of women to enter the field of television, and not just the women they hired to write for the show. Mary Richards was a very inspiring figure. Here’s a quote from TV journalist Katie Couric:

I don’t think I’d have this job if it weren’t for Mary Richards, and I mean that. They say if you can’t see it, you can’t be it, and when I saw Mary Richards make it on her own, driving that Mustang to that TV station in Minneapolis, I was in junior high, I thought, “Wow, I can have a career too.”

Oprah Winfrey, who was the first ever female African American billionaire, credits Mary Tyler Moore with having “more influence on [her] career than any other single person or force.” And “Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted” includes this quote from her (p. 283):

[The Mary Tyler Moore Show] was a light in my life, and Mary was a trailblazer for my generation. She’s the reason I wanted my own production company.

Even beyond the world of television and journalism, women were inspired. Here’s a quote from former First Lady Michelle Obama:

She was one of the few single working women depicted on television at the time. She wasn’t married. She wasn’t looking to get married… I was probably 10 or 11 when I saw that, and sort of started thinking, “You know what? Marriage is an option. Having a family is an option. And going to school and getting your education and building your career is another really viable option that can lead to happiness and fulfillment.”

And here’s a quote from another of the shows’ writers, Sybil Adelman Sage:

Before Mary Tyler Moore, it was acceptable to be a secretary, but not to be unmarried. Suddenly it was fine to be unmarried, and we were reaching for better jobs. Along with that blue beret, the rules had been thrown in the air. The show was arguably the most transformative sitcom in television history, forever changing how women were perceived.

Another notable, although less talked-about, influence the show had is that it revolutionized the sitcom format in general.  If you’ve ever seen a realistic, character-driven comedy show with a strong cast of secondary characters, then you can thank The Mary Tyler Moore Show for making that format so popular. You can see that influence today in shows like The Office, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, The Mindy Project, Friends, and probably any other sitcom you can think of. (Here’s a good article about that.) I actually can’t think of a good modern-day comparison here because every sitcom I don’t know of anything that is visibly changing the television landscape as much as The Mary Tyler Moore show did in its time.

Here’s a quote from an article written by Jerry Buck as the show was entering its 4th season:

“The Mary Tyler Moore Show” took 20 years of pointless, insipid television situation comedy and spun it on its heels. The Moore show, going into its fourth year on CBS, pioneered reality comedy and the establishment of clearly defined and motivated secondary characters.

And according to this quote from a more recent article by Todd VanDerWerff:

Like [The Dick Van Dyke Show], Mary Tyler Moore would derive much of its comedy from its characters, rather than its punchlines. Where Moore went beyond Van Dyke came in just how thoroughly it embraced that template… [This] method of sitcom writing would, over time, become the dominant one. Even the least sophisticated sitcoms on TV now must at least pay lip-service to character complexity.

Another impact that the show had, and continues to have, is that it makes people happy. It’s just a really nice, positive, feel-good show. And that can be really important too. Here’s a quote from fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi:

[Mary Richards] proved to us again and again that if you put yourself into your world in the right way, if you pay attention to your own story, you can find the right people and the right place and be happy… The Mary Tyler Moore Show was one of the first examples of someone choosing her own family that we saw on television.

Honestly, I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface here. In case you’re not totally exhausted from reading all this and you’d like to read more on the subject, I’ve gone back through my blog and added an “impact” tag for you to look through if you’re interested. I should warn you that some of the posts reference specific episodes and that might be spoilers for you depending on where you’re at in the series.

Thanks again for your excellent question! If you have more questions or if you just want to chat, my askbox and private messaging system are always open for that.

[swearronchanel]

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER 6.07

AHHH OMG, I was out all day & Actually MISSED the NEW episode like wtfff?!!? it was TOrture!! & I literally had to delete twitter and Tumblr off my phone because the devil himself would’ve tempted me lmfao😭 I love spoilers but not when everyone has seen the episode but me! it’s okay though I had some rum chata to distract me lol, which is just rum and horchata which is the Hispanic version of Horlicks so, At least I was in the CtM Spirit 🙃

Anyway I’m finally getting to watch it so here we go ..

shit I’m so nervous and I haven’t pressed play

why is my heart beating so fast omg

i usually skip the intro but I’m legit not ready

PHYLLIS !! 💕

damn Vanessa already hinting at what’s to come

Baby Susan so precious omg!!

No lie one of the prettiest babies I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen lots of ugly babies and lots of cute babies, I’m qualified to judge.

“Courage and resilience will matter most of all” 😭😭ahh omg

My spirit animal and campion Phyllis deserves nothing but the best I’m not ready to see her hurt

SHELAGH GETTING EXAMINED 😭😭💕💕 MY HEART IS BURSTING & her belly is so big omg!

CRYING SHE STILL CANT BELIEVE ITS HAPPENING ME EITHER BBY 😭 like holy shit I’m still not over it.

But I’m going to binge series 6 with my mother when I’m home Saturday and can’t wait for her to watch because she wanted to see shelagh have a baby & also she doesn’t know what tf has happened 😭😭😂 it’s been a crazy series! She will be s h o o k

“I know I’m just not a very relaxed sort of person” SAME but BBY RELAX 😭💕

LOL I WOULDNT HAVE READ IT EITHER

That was a cute moment with Babs and Shelagh!! But still wish it was w/ Trixie though 🙁 also it didn’t seem like a “heart to heart”? was it supposed to or was I expecting too much

Aw Rhoda 💔

what a ignorant ass teacher though, I’ll  FIGHT HER REAL QUICK

BOY OR GIRL??? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW UGH WHAT IS BABY TURNER??!

ugh Shelagh and Patrick’s faces 😫 I hope they don’t feel guilty for having a baby

But also why does shelagh have to keep wearing the same things lol, I feel cheated of all the cute maternity looks she could’ve served instead

“Having to explain” poor Mrs Antoine UGH THAT MAKES ME SO ANGRY, THERE’S NOTHING TO BE EXPLAINED   I’m mixed, Hispanic and white not black and white but still my dad is tan & we’ve been places where people have given my parents the dirtiest looks and have heard a nasty comment or two & it BOILS MY BLOOD

Omg the Antoine boys are precious

TRIXIE 😍😍 my bby looks good!

PHYLLIS IN TROUSERS HELL YES

UM VALARIE CAN U NOT BE RACIST

I swear if she says anything more I’ll lose my shit

“No one can really choose who they fall in love with” BLESS U DEELS

Bless Phyllis for making sure those cubs don’t grow up to be as ignorant as their parents

“I surmise the puller of teeth is intended to admire it” SISTER MJ IS A GEM

LOL SISTER J WANTS HIM TO COME THROUGH

SISTER WINIFRED WITH ANOTHER PRICELESS FACE IM DEAD

A bassoon? Lmaoo what the actual fuck Tim

Oh it’s for girls ofc LOL give him a girlfriend already, I’d get such a kick out of it. & Patrick could make another dad joke and say like take a lesson from me I legit beat God over a woman’s heart

The Mullucks fam 😭

Patrick with Susan omg aww

Trixie looking like a b a b e I’m dead 😍

“You’ll look like you’re trying to hard” DELIA HAHA OMG SHE GETS LIKE ONE MIN OF SCREEN TIME BUT SHE ALWAYS HAS GOOD LINES

I need Trixie’s everything, no joke. HOW

But I’m dying my hair blonder this week don’t play

Ah my bby shelagh again 😍💕

I feel so sorry for Patrick like this wasn’t your fault

LMAO SISTER WINIFRED CANT CONCENTRATE IN COMPLINE  SHE IS ANNOYINGLY PRECIOUS

She’s scared to take her driving test aw 😂😂 same like I have my permit but I’m scared to fail the actual driving test

“Oh I have a soft spot for the Antoines” PHYLLIS TIENE UN GRAN COROZON 😭

Omg Mr and Mrs Antoine are so cute too, dios te bendiga 😰

Christopher being a flake wtf no me gusta

Sister W is in on the drama like Sister B was, am I right??

LMAO HER RUN

Prosthetics are so wild, my abuelo has a prosthetic leg and I was so interested when he first got it. But also I’m going to hell for being evil because I joke around way too much when he’s extra senile

“People call my kids hair frizzy, but I think it’s beautiful” MY HEART😭💔 literally my mom was the same with me. Defensive over my curls - even tho my hair is frizzy sometimes😭

The song though, took me a second to process but that’s my bby shelagh’s song ?? Ummm wut

lol sister Winifred hella late, let me guess this will make her want to drive?

this prosthetic place is so great wow omg

damn it Bernie

PHYLLIS LOVES THIS FAMILY AND I LOVE THEM ALL OMG 😭😭

GET THE RUM ! or I will lol

ah never mind

LOL SISTER W AGAIN & PHYLLIS SHAKING HER HEAD

the question is, does/has sister Winifred drink/drank ? she seems like a light weight

fuck is this when it’s gonna happen

I’M NOT READY DAMN IT

damn Bernie..

UGH MY HEART IS RACING IM SO ANXIOUS AND SCARED AHJXKWLXM

HOLY SHIT OMGGGG

THAT WAS SO HARD AHH OMGG

IM FUCKING SCREAMING

Phyllis is in shock o h m y g o d

I can’t process this either

OMG I CANT DEAL

PHYLLIS IS SOBBING, IM SOBBING WTFFFF OMGG 😭😰😰😰💔💔💔

MY FUCKING HEART

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OMG

AW SISTER W ASWELL UGH WTF I SHOULDNT FEEL SO MUCH

LMAO OMG THANK U FOR COMIC RELIF

TIM SUCKS LMAO stick to the damn piano boy

PATRICK AND SHELAGH GIGGLING OMG MY HEART IS OKAY NOW 😭😭💕💕

SHELAGH AND PATRICK BEING SO CUTE IM CRYING

DAMN THALIDOMIDE

DAMN THAT CAR UGH  

DAMN IT ALL

LOW FUCKING BLOW BERNIE THAT WAS NOT HER FAULT

BABS TRYING TO COMFORT PHYLLIS  IM CRYING AGAIN

SHE IS SO HURT, I AM SO HURT, IM A BLOODY MESS OF TEARS. IM SOBER AND SAD NOW & THERE’S MASCARA In MY CONTACT LENS & MY 3yr OLD GREMLIN LITTLE COUSIN IS KICKING ME (lol he’s laying next to me)

AND CARRIE CRYING NOW OMGGG NO LENNY WONT DIE STOP

“That lovely gp of yours” lol does everyone have a crush on Dr Turner but me? Lol don’t come @ me pls I’m sorry I know people love him 😭😭 Im here for Christopher and Tom But He is handsome, just in an older man way Lmaoo guess it’s cause he could be my dad 😂 lol he’s older than my dad

I’d take him as a sugar daddy real quick though. I need my tuition paid and he is so sweet😏 😭😂

So it was a scarf, hmm I thought trixie was gonna find like stockings or something

“Not Hermès but something very like it” lol how does Trixie know what Hermès feels like on a nurses salary?

Valarie is on my nerves & she’s had like 2 mins of screen time Lmaoo I’ve liked her until this episode. I hope they don’t ruin her for me

“But I’m a member of the institute of advanced motorists”  UGH PHYLLIS IS A GEM WHO DOES NOT DESERVE THIS !! SHE IS THERE FOR EVERYONE ALWAYS, SHE ALWAYS DOES GOOD WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO HER?

Aw Sister Winifred

Oh Rhoda 💔💔she’s such a great mother

MY HEART, THEY WERE WALKING AWAY FROM BEING TEASED

BLAME THE RACISTS, IT IS ALWAYS A VALID BLAME

YES PHYLLIS IS A GOOD WOMAN! 😭😭

Tom trying to comfort Phyllis😭😭

“You’re fond of your meat, and our views on God and His existence are divergent to say the least, but we both follow vocations…. so if you caused harm to someone else, even inadvertently would it not make you question what everything in your life has come to stand for?” I’m c r y i n g

“I, a rational woman, have no one to question but myself” 😭💔

IM REALLY HURT

“Sometimes cheering people on the sidelines doesn’t help”

my bby killing it 😍

Why you being a flake Christopher? go ahead man tell her about your kid

BRUH YOU DONT TELL HER LIKE THAT LMAO

he’s divorced ah, thought it was out of wedlock. I don’t care though haha

NO DRINKS FOR TRIXIE, TELL HIM BBY.. in your own time of course 💕

BABY SUSAN SO PRECIOUS

Fred brought her car ugh And Phyllis is still so hurt as am I 💔

This lady is so sweet! I hope she and Rhoda become friends right now

DID SHE TAKE DISTIVAL TOO?

lol wait where are the Turners I miss them??

“.. and the words ‘Nonnatus house this is not a midwife speaking’ are most unlikely to reassure the caller” SISTER MJ!

YES SHE DID OMG. I need them to be best friends omg 💔😭

“Nothing was said, nothing was done” 💔💔

PHYLLIS LOOKING AT THE CAR

SISTER MJ IS GOING WITH HER MY HEART OMG

my heart my heart

aw the mullucks'😭 ofc IT WASNT YOUR FAULT!

SISTER MJ IS A GEM 💕😭 & PHYLLIS IS JUMPING BACK IN

TWO GEMS 😭💕 but also if this was the birth they meant that sister MJ was involved in ill be lowkey sad, but we shall see next week if she’s randomly with Shelagh when she delivers

Trixie serving more looks 😍

Aw my bby 💔does she tell him about her alcoholism at the end of this ?

Also what are we guessing about Valarie rn?? she has a secret? tragic backstory to be unlocked? what ? She gay?

Aw the mulluks’s again! All so sweet💕 & YES LYDIA BE FRIENDS

ugh Christopher looks good af😍 and that car yes

YES TRIXIE 😍 my girl looking good as well

SHE TOLD HIM 😭 IM CRYING IM SO PROUD 😭😭💕💕WHY DO I FEEL SO PROUD FOR A FICTIONAL CHARACTER??! I love her

Oh shit Patsy’s dad is dead. I assumed that was coming

Phyllis reassuring Delia awww

PHYLLIS BACK AT THE CUBS 😭 MY CHAMPION AND SPIRIT ANIMAL BOUNCING BACK

Lenny’s speech omg brb crying

The support group for thalidomide victims omg my heart

I was cryin before and now I’m crying more for this Irish lady

Omg side side side note there was this cute old interracial couple that seem like my parents in 20yrs in JFK yesterday that were so precious and sweet and we’re talking to me the whole time waiting at the gate & then there was this sweet Irish couple who were confused about the time difference and I helped them out and then when we landed they helped me out looking for my bag so now I have much more faith in humanity because usually the people in NYC airports are angry new yorkers who don’t care lol like me (jk)

“There’s no rule of life so simple or so true ..” 😭😢💔💖

Thank u Vanessa I’m so emotional, show me next week 

Bonus: next week

OMG PHYLLIS HUGGING SHELAGH OMGGG. I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED TO SEE THIS

PHYLLIS BETTER DELIVER THE BABY I KNOW I WANTED TRIXIE BUT IT DOESNT SEEN LIKELY AND SO INEED PHYLLIS (sister J too ofc?! She was barely in this past episode)

MY BBY SHELAGH’S TUMMY IS SO BIG IN HER UNIFORM OMG SHE’S SO PRECIOUS I LOVE HER I MISSED HER THIS PAST EPISODE

BUT OH MY GOD BABY TURNER IS COMING HOLY SHIT THIS IS HAPPENING THIS IS NOT A DRILL

HERE COMES THE PILL READY OR NOT #LETSGETIT1962

Lol oh shoot I didn’t take mine yesterday or today brb

AW DELIA

WHAT IS SIGNIFICANT ABOUT BABS SLEEPING I NEED TO KNOW

Lol idk why but even though I like Tom and Babs their relationship just doesn’t do anything for me😂😂 like I don’t give a shit? They’re cute but idk it doesn’t cut it. Like they’re just there and I’m like “aw ok”

OMG I CANT WAIT WHAT WILL HAPPEN ?! I NEED ANSWERS

I will die next week. For real. 

[nobelmemories]

                                           Part VI

      More Nobel Memories – Along The Nobel Road

     I have inserted two photographs. The first being the Hammel homestead as it is today, the second is of the homesteaders William James “Billy” Hammel and his wife Jessman “ Emily” Hailstone and their three daughters. Elizabeth, Berta, Mable.  The two boys Charlie and Gordon were not in the Photograph.

           My starting point for this session is the laneway that runs from present day Nobel Rd to Hammel Avenue. I think we use to call it Cecs Lane.  As most  of the old timers know the confectionary store located there was owned by Cec Mayotte. Pretty well everything in that part of Nobel was supplied by Cec’s Confectionary. Cec was a shrewd business man business man and had his hand in many ventures. He was also an excellent dry wall and plasterer.  His companion was Dot Edwards who usually could be found behind the counter in the Confectionary store.  Dot had two boys that I remember Jimmy was the oldest and Reg a year or two younger. Reg was a likeable sort and was involved in hockey and other sports. I never chummed with Reg, but we often would be in the same crowds and spoke often. The last time I seen Reg was about 1952 or 53. In 1979 I was on the OPP stationed at Wawa Ontario. I was acting Detachment Commander at the time. One weekend we received a call that an airplane had crashed on Midgin Lake about 25 miles south east of Wawa. This was a fly in lake about ten miles off the Highway. I sent a Constable down to investigate with instructions to call me and fill me in when he returned. About six hours later I received the call from the Constable, he filled me in on his investigation and the notifications he had made. Then he informed me that the pilot knew me and wanted to talk to me. The Pilot came on the phone and it was Reg Edwards. It turned out that he had screwed up and did several things wrong which led to the crash but the good thing was he and his three passengers were not hurt. Before he hung up he said to me Garry I have always remembered something you told me about girls. He never did tell me just what I had told him, but I have always wondered what great piece of advice it was. I have been married for almost 59 years and my wife Rhoda will tell you that I still don’t understand women. Can you just imagine, it was something I said to him when I was 15 or 16 years old and he remembered it for another 27 years?

     Now Jimmy Edwards was tarred with a different brush. He taught me a lesson which I have never forgotten.  Jimmy had a reputation for being a bit of a bully and a dirty fighter. One night at the High School I picked a fight with him. I thought I was going to teach him a lesson. Jimmy was a pretty good boxer but I thought I could handle that part. Anyway we sparred around a little bit and I was planning on giving him an Elephant Fling. It is a wrestling move where you grab the opponent’s right wrist with your left hand, put your right hand under his left armpit, pull, lift and twist.

If done properly, he goes up in the air does a summersault and lands on his back. It usually ends the fight. I was dancing around with my right fist cocked and my left hand open. Jimmy threw a right heading for my nose and I blocked it with my open left hand. His fist struck my hand where the joint is that joins your thumb to your hand. I did not realize what had happened, but my thumb joint was suddenly in the palm of my hand. I made a fist and struck him with my left hand and suddenly was on my knees with the pain. Jimmy stopped fighting, took one look and said you better get to a doctor. Now if he had been a dirty fighter, he certainly had me at a disadvantage. So the lesson learned was never ever pick a fight. When you lose it is double embarrassing. Don’t say someone is a dirty fighter unless you can prove it. By the way it took three doctors to put the thumb back into place.

     Moving on west on Hammel Ave from Cec’s Lane was the Galipeau’s. Alex and Nora were the parents, and I remember Roger and Milly as being two of the children. Roger was a little younger than I, but was always happy and friendly. Roger became a very good hockey player and was quite successful as a teacher and a lawyer. I did not know this but stumbled onto the fact that he was inducted into the Bobby Orr Hall of fame in 2010. Anyone querying his name will see just how successful he was. Sadly he passed to Cancer in 1997. He certainly came from humble beginnings at Nobel and reading his story will make any local person proud.

     I know there were more houses as we travelled on west on Hammel Ave., but I don’t remember who they were. I do remember a certain maple tree as you start down the hill on the north side of the road. It came up out of the ground and hooked to the right like a chair back. As a young boy I went to the Nobel United Church Sunday School and I seldom walked by that I did not stop and admire that tree. That was close to 72 years ago and the tree is still there, just grown closer to the ground. Speaking of Sunday School, how many of you older people still have your pins for perfect  attendance. I have both the silver and gold ones.

     The next place I remember from the 1940’s is the Hammel Place. It is presently located at 125 Hammel Ave. and is occupied by my friends Bob & Isabel Hammel. In the 1940’s it was occupied by Ed & Maggie Hammel. Ed was a Master Mechanic at DIL during the war. He was well respected for his work both at DIL and his shop which was located just west of his house at the edge of the road.

     I remember when I was eight or nine years old. My Dad had a 1928 Chevrolet. It had a crack about 10” long in the front fender. The metal in those fenders was quite thick. Dad took me with him and we drove up to Ed’s to get it welded. Ed took the wheel off and welded the fender from the underside. It’s not everyone who can do overhead welding. Ed’s weld was a thing of beauty, every bead was like a wishbone, all neat and in a perfect row. They put the wheel back on and Dad was on his knee’s looking at the weld. He could not resist reaching up and touching it. He quickly pulled back his hand and stood up and I noticed he put his hand in his pocket. He thanked Ed and paid him for the job and we left. As we were driving down the road, Dad lifted up his hand and looked at his fingers. The skin was burnt off the tips of three of them. I said that must hurt, Dad said: when you do something stupid you don’t advertise it! I often thought of that in later years when I likewise did something stupid. Ed’s shop was something very special even compared with shops of today. He had just about ever tool you could imagine. There was grinders, saws, drill presses, lathes and more. The fascinating thing was that they were all driven by an old gasoline hit and miss motor. A series of belts and pulleys were distributed around the shop so they could all be engaged as they were needed using the same drive source.

     In later years I worked at Stanrock Mine during the uranium boom at ELLIOT Lake and also spent a few years working as a Lead Burner at the Sulphuric acid plant at Cutler. It did not seem to matter where I went in the north I would run across someone who had worked with or knew of Ed Hammel.

     I remember my Uncle Harry telling me that when he worked with him, Ed developed a way to successfully weld cast iron. He built a small furnace that he could preheat the cast iron, then lift up the top, lean in and weld it while it was still hot. This prevented it from cracking as it cooled.

◦                It was sad, years later that I learned that old age did not treat him well. He developed memory problems. He had walked the land behind his farm most of his life. He first got turned around on the rocks behind his farm and was found I believe on Hwy 124 near Waubamic. Sometime later he walked in the same area, but never was found. Many people have searched the area hoping to find his remains. At one time the Canadian Army had a search for him. To date all searches have been unsuccessful.

     Ed & Maggie had two daughters, Isabel & Beryl. I think in the 40’s Beryl lived in the house that was located between their shop and their house. The thing I remember is that there was a very tasty crabapple tree beside Beryl’s house that the kids from the school would visit quite often. This resulted in an announcement being made at school that the Apple tree was on private property and we were not to pick the apples. I think it helped, Some!

     I recently visited Bob and Isabel Hammel nee Gougeon and learned some very interesting information. I am not sure whether Hammel Ave., is named after Ed or just the family, either way it is well deserved. To begin with six generations of Hammel.s have lived on that property. The first generation began with the marriage of Willam James “Billy” Hammel and Emily Hailstone. I am assuming that this took place in the early 1880’s. I am told there were three girls and two boy as a result of this union. I only learned of the name of one of the girls, who was named Mable. The boys were Charlie and ED. These were second generation. Charlie and Ena nee Fenton had two boys, Gordon and Jim. Ed and Maggie had two girls, Isabel and Beryl. These were third generation. Gordon and Agnes nee Thompson had a boy, Bob and a girl Wilma, these were fourth generation. Bob and Isabel nee Gougeon had a boy Chuck, fifth generation and finally Chuck had a boy Cameron who would be the sixth generation. The Hammel’s have continued to contribute to the growth of the Municipality for these many years. Gerry Hammel one of Billy Hammel’s grandsons was killed in one of the tow explosions that took place at Nobel. He lost his life in 1940.

     The next home that I remember from the forties is the old United Church Manse. The first name that comes to mind was Tristrams.  The father was the church minister and I remember two boys one was Tom I believe and the older brother was John. John worked for a number of years in the carpenter trade. I remember the old Shebeshekong Church that my mother and dad were married in was located on the right hand side of Hwy 559 just before the hill that Hare’s road is on. The church was built in 1911. I believe it was during the Easter holiday of 1949 John Tristram and Slim Colberg had taken a contract to tear down the church. They hired me to remove the nails to salvage the boards. I was paid 59 cents and hour. I also was given the old organ which I tore for the wood.

     The last building I remember on what was then called the side road and now Hammel Ave, was the United Church where I went to Sunday school. It did not have the added room on then. The Nobel Consolidated School was there with the old annex beside that I attended grade four in. Then on past the present circle that now ends Hammel Ave was the old brown school. It was situated just about where Avro Arrow road now exists. My mother attended that school in grade eight and said she was taught by Ruby Cook. My brother also attended there and I believe his teacher was a Mr Mendelson. In the 1940’s the side road continued out past the school to Hwy 69 then also called the Nobel Rd.

      If you wish to view my previous submissions under this title, please go to the following URL: https://nobelmemories.tumblr.com

                                                   Garry Crawford

[itstimetowatch]

I Am God

So… all of a sudden Veronica knows all about the kids from the bus crash? Four episodes ago she still didn’t know their names as was still pretty firmly convinced that she was the target of the bomb that sent the bus off the cliff, despite very little evidence to support such an assumption. If she’s decided to finally start looking into the other victims of the crash, we haven’t seen it.

When was this second message recorded? Because Dick was obviously not on the bus when it crashed.  It was a recording of a recording. Dick left Betina some stupid horny voicemail and she played it for everyone. That’s why everyone was laughing in the background.

Oh, and a dig at Paris Hilton!

So apparently there was a lot happen off-screen here. Veronica was on the bus and found a graffiti message on one of the seats, she’s learned a ton about the kids who died. It seems like they suddenly realized they had five episodes to go until the end of the season and had too much story to tell in too little time and just had Veronica suddenly learn all this. Also, at what point did Veronica even decide to start actually investigating all of this?

Logan and Wallace? Interesting. I don’t think we’ve ever actually seen them interact before.

Thanks for that reminder that Dick, and not Logan, is, in fact, the worst person in the world. I guess this is the show trying to soft-peddle how utterly shitty Logan was to Hannah in preparation for them to reunite Logan and Veronica.

So is this ticket thing relevant? Little Dick saw “that gay kid” throw some fairly premium baseball tickets in the trash. “That gay kid” could potentially be either Peter or Marcos, although it’s pretty weird that Dick knows that either of them was gay (or potentially gay, in Marcos’ case) considering what a guarded secret it was supposed to be for both of them. Either way, throwing away valuable tickets would definitely mean that they weren’t there to see Sharks Stadium or to meet Terence Cook. So why were they there? Something to do with “the outing of all outings”? Terence would certainly qualify but he seems to like women a bit too much for his own good. Woody? There was some weird touching going on with Logan.

Well, that’s a fairly huge revelation. Although, I can’t imagine Little Dick would be smart enough to come up with the plan to cause the bus crash. I feel like his method would have been a little more along the lines of just calling her a liar and ignoring her, while his father’s lawyers blocked any paternity test.

So the Veronica/Angie scene is literally the exact same situation as Hamilton Cho and Sabrina Fuller last season. Are they running out of ideas or was this a purposeful callback?

Keith is working a dating service? I hope it’s work related, otherwise, enduring dates with weirdoes seem unnecessary for him.

A little bit of karmic justice for Little Dick! Nice one, Mr. Wu!

Okay, so Logan wants to help Veronica go to Stanford. That’s something, I guess. A better step in the right direction that just trying to remind us that he’s not as awful as Little Dick.

So in the course of ten seconds, Wallace goes from thinking that this is Rhoda’ sister to being certain… based on her being progressively further away from them? That seems… I don’t know, random, I guess.

George Costanza was definitely not a nice guy. Like the whole point of Seinfeld was that all of them were, from one degree to another, terrible human beings.

Also, Keith, a professional detective really ought to have quicker access to a notepad.

Wallace amped up on caffeine is pretty amusing.

Why are we being shown the exact same clip from Tinsel Town Diaries? Are we just stalling for time?

Woody paid out the money for that Vette? But not to any of the other families… so it’s unrelated to the crash? Yep, okay that’s definitely unrelated.

The bus crash victims all have their school files handily bundled up in an easy-to-grab envelope, huh? How very convenient! Honestly, I would have assumed that they would either have been taken as evidence by the sheriff’s department or moved to the basement storage that Veronica cleaned up and re-organized back in “My Mother, the Fiend” some time ago.

But then we couldn’t have had this scene, where Keith catches Veronica in Clemmons’ closet.

So gay stereotypes rolled up in with Asian stereotypes in one line. Come on, Show, you’re better than that. Like Veronica’s mental shorthand for the kids in the dream sequences is one thing, she’s learning about them posthumously so it’s going to be difficult to get an accurate fully rounded picture of them, but the thing with Mr. Wu. *sigh*

So I’m assuming Peter was the “gay kid” that Dick was talking about. (I’m still confused as to how Dick knew Peter was gay if the message board was such a well-guarded secret.) Glad to know I was on the right track with him being there for some reason other than baseball.

Why were Cervando and Cassidy in summer school? Dick, sure, but students with high GPA’s usually don’t have to make up classes during the summer.

How do you think he got it, Clemmons? You hired him to get it.

WOW! That was rough! I mean, I know Veronica is severely sleep deprived and… well, their relationship is more than a bit caustic anyway, but… Damn! Logan still deserved it.

Mr. Wu is both a Math and a Science teacher?

So I can buy the idea that Veronica knows enough about physics and anatomy to know that the bomb didn’t kill everyone on the bus and then the detective in her figures that most everyone else was killed on impact with the water and rocks from that height. Through Meg, she knows that the fall wouldn’t necessarily kill everyone. There’s no way that she knows Cervando survived the fall long enough to drown. Those sorts of details are not revealed to the public and neither Keith nor Veronica have accessed those medical records.

Cervando doesn’t think it was Weevil, Veronica, you do, but you also know very well that Weevil wasn’t anywhere near the bus when the bomb went off because you were on his bike with him and you guys came upon the crash well after it was in the water. So who was following behind the bus? The 09ers in the limo? Possibly Curly?

Okay, so the “Mr. Wu calling Veronica to the board” thing was a dream, too? So it was a dream-within-a-dream, some Inception shit, thus it doesn’t have to make sense that a science teacher was asking Veronica to solve a math problem. He’s just mentally tied in with this case so Veronica’s subconscious is putting him in.

Big Dick took out insurance policies on Little Dick and Cassidy?  But then why the rat? Big Dick was trying to kill his sons then why pay for the limo? Little Dick was the one who arranged for the alternate transportation. Big Dick sent the limo. I mean, if he chickened out, fine, but why still blow up the bus afterward? Makes no sense. False lead.

And speaking of things that make no sense, again we have Veronica’s obsession with blaming herself for the crash… even after her dad just offered her an alternate scenario. This is just tiresome.

So the gap between this episode and the last with regards to Veronica’s engagement with the bus crash case and the amount of work she’s put into is really jarring. Like it honestly feels like there’s an episode missing between “Plan B” and this episode. Like I seriously had to go back and check twice to convince myself that I hadn’t skipped anything.

Beyond that, it was a pretty good episode with a lot of good information building towards the payoff of the bus crash story. Some fun Logan/Wallace interaction which we’ve somehow never seen before. I do wish that if they were going to give Veronica a rival in the Kane Scholarship sub-plot that they would be more than the two-dimensional cartoon villains that she’s had so far. Though it’s probably a bit late for that, I’m sure.

[themtmshow]

What are some of your favorite MTM episodes and why?

Thank you for the question! I’m sorry it took me so long to reply; I wanted to give you a decent answer but I haven’t had much free time this week. I was goingto give you a top 10 list and, after much deliberation, I ended up with a top15 list instead; I couldn’t narrow it down any further. And if anyone wants to reblog this with their own favourite episodes, or send me an ask about it, that would be very welcome.

I’m posting this under a cut because it got very long (sorry about that).

1x02 – Today I Am a Ma’am

This episode features the first of many disastrous Mary parties, and personally, I don’t think they got any better than this. “Allow me to introduce myself:I’m another person in the room” is one of my favourite lines of the wholeseries. And I love the part where Rhoda dumps food all over her lap and Marylooks over in horror. That is absolutely the kind of thing I would do at a party, if it didn’t violate every social rule in existence. (Also, Ilove any time Rhoda is in a scene with her real-life husband at the time, DickSchaal, aka Howard Arnell.)

2x21 – Where There’s Smoke, There’s Rhoda

This is the one where there’s a fire in Rhoda’s apartment, so she moves in with Mary for a few days. I thinkthis is one of my favourite Mary/Rhoda episodes, because it puts them inconflict with each other while still managing to reinforce how strong andbeautiful their friendship is. They end up fighting because they’re just sodifferent, not because they intentionally want to hurt eachother. They have each other’s best interests at heart the entire time. And theend where Rhoda agrees to go stay with Phyllis is fantastic. I love the look onPhyllis’ face that just screams “HELP ME.”

 3x06 – Rhoda the Beautiful

This, of course, is the episode where Rhoda won the Ms. Hempel Beauty Contest. I have alot of feelings about this episode. I really don’t like the implication that Rhoda wasn’t beautiful when she was fat, and that she only became beautiful after she lost weight. For one thing, Rhoda was neverall that fat, and for another thing, she was never not gorgeous. Also, weighthas absolutely nothing to do with beauty anyway. But I do think the episode madeit clear that the important thing wasn’t Rhoda’s weight at all. Her problem was that she didn’t feel good about the way shelooked. And even winning a beauty contest doesn’t solve that problem for her. Onanother show, that might have been the end of it, but for Rhoda, even that external validation isn’t enough to make her feel confident. Only after admitting her victory to Mary and receiving her support is Rhoda able to take some pride in her appearance.I love this episode because it doesn’t dismiss Rhoda’s self-image issues asunimportant. Instead, it gives them the emotional weight they deserve. Rhoda’s not sillyfor feeling bad about the way she looks. She’s not shallow for caring about herappearance. And she’s not vain for taking pride winning a beautycontest. The writing (and Valerie Harper’s Emmy-winning performance) reallyemphasize how hard it was for Rhoda to feel good about herself, and how braveshe is for gaining that confidence. I adore the scene where Rhoda tells Marythat she won. She looks down instead of meeting Mary’s eyes. Her voice shakes.She’s clearly terrified. And Mary’s reaction is so wonderful. Rhoda neededMary’s support here, and she absolutely got it. Although this episode dealtwith some really important subject matter, and it was definitely inspiring and poignant, it was ultimately a story about one woman earning some well-deserved confidence, and her best friend who helped her get to that point.

3x16 – Lou’s Place

This is theepisode where Lou tries to be the happy, welcoming bartender, but he can’t keepit up, so he ends up individually terrorizing his patrons. I always laughwatching him try to angrily force everyone to have a good time. “What thehell’s wrong with you, anyway? You just sit there like a bunch of clods… Nowthis is the Happy Hour.” I’m laughing out loud just thinking about it. I thinkit’s one of the funniest scenes in the whole show. And I cannot imagine how EdAsner kept a straight face through the whole scene. Or anyone else, for thatmatter. I also love the scene where Ted tries to arm-wrestle Lou while posing for the photographer. And Murray giving Ted change for $500 in nickels was a great ending.

4x17 – Cottage for Sale

This is the one where Lou almost sells his house but Mary changes his mind at the last minute. It’s just a nice, quiet episode that I’ve seen a million times and it always makesme smile. We see Lou give Mary a lot of helpful (and not-so-helpful) advice andguidance over the course of the series. I like this episode because it’s one ofthe times where Lou depends on Mary to be the voice of reason and help him realize that in some cases, his emotions are more important than logic. And I like thescene where Lou makes Mary breakfast: a scrambled omelet, with green pepper,green onion, and… beer. He’s just so pleased with himself for it. Phyllis is also very good in this episode, in her typical nails-on-a-chalkboard sort of way.

 4x20 – Better Late… That’s a Pun… Than Never

“Wee Willie Williams was the oldest living citizen in Minneapolis. There were other citizens in Minneapolis who are older; however, they happen to be dead.” Although the Wee Willie obituary scene is already enough tomake this episode legendary, this is also one of my favourite Mary and Lou episodes. I likethe part when Lou says that he missed Mary more than anyone else did, because that’s not the kind of thing he admits very often. Apart from that, I think it’s very sweet that Rhoda gave up a Robert Redford/Paul Newman movie to write obituaries with Mary until 4 in the morning. That’s quite a favour, even considering what happened as a result. And I would really love to know which character went into Lou’s office overnight and broke all his pencil points. (It was probably Murray.)

4x21 – Ted Baxter Meets Walter Cronkite

I love mostof the Teddy Awards episodes, and this is one of my favourites. This was a goodepisode for Ted. I love the look on his face when he realizes that he won. Forall his confidence before, he seems genuinely surprised, which suggests that much of his trademark overconfidence is actually fake. Ted had so few victories in the show, and his acceptance speech makes mesad for him almost as much as it makes me laugh. And his meeting with WalterCronkite was pure genius. (I wonder if Ted ever gave him his pipe back?)

 5x01 – Will Mary Richards Go to Jail?

I really admire Mary in this episode. She’s scared of going to jail, andshe even cries about it, but she does the right thing anyway, without really considering any other alternative. She’s not flawless, butshe’s brave and principled, which is something I love about her. This is alsoanother really good Mary and Lou episode. Lou’s ethics are such a fundamentalpart of his character, and he demonstrates many times over the course of theseries that he’s very rarely willing to back down on things he cares about. Butin this episode, he tells Mary that he doesn’t believe in the freedom of thepress - going against everything he believes in as a newsman - because he can’t handle her being in jail. That demonstrates just how much he cares about Mary,even more than the ensuing hug. And I always laugh when Sue Ann tells Mary, “Dear, when you get out, if you get out, I’ll beright there to help you find your way back into decent society.” (I’m curious as to howSue Ann got all those tin prison cups on such short notice. Does she just have themlying around in her studio at all times? Was she doing a special on prisonfood? Does she collect them? We’ll never know.)

5x19 – The Shame of the Cities

This is theepisode where Lou and Mary make a documentary on a politician that Lou thought was shady but who turned out to be incredibly boring. The “Thank you, Mr. Mugger” scene at the end is one of myfavourite scenes in the show. Mary Tyler Moore was so damn talented. I alsoreally like Charlene, and I like the part where she casually tells Mary thatshe dated Frank Sinatra and Mary can’t get over it. And I lovethe scene where the news team has a meeting in Lou’s office to work on the documentary and Ted listens in until Lou shuts the door on him (at which point you hear his offscreen cry of anguish).

5x23 – Ted Baxter’s Famous Broadcasters School

This is the one where Ted is tricked by a con man and he has to run a broadcasting school with just his colleagues for support. I don’tknow exactly why this episode is so funny to me, but I really enjoy it. I lovethat everyone pulls together, however reluctantly, to help solve Ted’s problem.And I like Ted’s school song: “We have no gym and we have no pool, but we haveheart at Ted Baxter’s Famous Broadcaster’s School!” Short, but catchy. I also love how Mary completely loses her patience by the end of it. (“Who IS this person? What are we DOING here?!”) Although, having watched “GetSmart,” I find it very confusing that Mary is on a date with Siegfried.

6x09 – Ted’s Wedding

I don’t knowwhy they didn’t call it “Ted and Georgette’s Wedding,” but anyway, this was a veryfunny episode. Ted and Georgette were adorable, of course. Sue Ann was brilliant as thefrilly, flower-toting task manager who magically had everything together at thedrop of a hat. And the tennis-playing priest was perfect. (“Bride on mybackhand, groom on my forehand!”) The wedding is sweet but still hilarious, andalthough this is a significant episode with two of the main characters getting married, it fits very neatly into theshow.

6x18 – Once I Had a Secret Love

I actuallyfeel weird about this episode because of the Lou/Sue Ann storyline. I find it disturbingthat Lou was made to feel guilty for having a drunk one-night stand. And Ithink that if Lou had been a woman and Sue Ann had been a man, that storylinemight have played differently.  But asidefrom that, this is a really emotionally heavy episode because of the Mary/Louconflict. It’s the first time we’ve ever seen Lou be really devastated bysomething Mary did. And I think it’s interesting that he just shuts down,instead of yelling or being sarcastic like he normally would after being hurt. It shows a side of him thatwe don’t normally get to see, and I have a lot of feelings about it. I also have a lot of feelings about the Mary andLou resolution scene, which is very sweet. And Ted is wonderful in thisepisode. “Mary, why are you weeping? Into a sock!” That part always makes melaugh. This was the episode that made me realize how much the show show relied on Ted to keep the show funny while they did heavy episodeslike this one. (I think the episode where Murray falls in love with Mary is another example.)

 6x22 – A Reliable Source

This is the episode where Mary quits her job after Lou insists on running a potentially incriminating story on her Congressman friend. The scenenear the end where Lou helps Mary type her resignation letter is another one of myfavourite scenes. I like any time Mary call Lou by his first name, because sheso rarely does. And although I think that Mary was wrong about wanting to keepthe story about the Congressman off the air, I admire her for sticking to herword anyway. I also think it’s sweet how Murray and Ted really try to supportMary in her fight against Lou, even though there isn’t much they can do. And it amuses me that Ted so readily assumes his friends are trying toget him a raise when they’re really talking about totally irrelevant things. “Thegood Lord has blessed me with many friends… And not a damn one of them’s gotany pull around here!”

 7x10 – Murray Can’t Lose

There are afew episodes during season 7 where you can tell that the writers and the castknew it was going to be their last season, and they just went all out with thesentiment. This is one of those episodes. There are a lot of good scenes inthis one, such as Mary singing in Lou’s office, Ted using Lou as aventriloquism dummy, and Georgette’s excellent dance sequence. But my favouritepart is the end scene where Murray gives his acceptance speech to all hisfriends, even though he didn’t win. I think what Murray says to Mary is lovely: “You do theimpossible every day. You make people forget how beautiful you look becausethey’re too busy realizing how beautiful you are.” It’s a perfect summary ofthe way Murray feels about Mary, and it’s also such a good way to describe her. And I love that Murray finallyadmits to Ted that he does actually like him. (Of course, Tedhad to ruin the moment.)

7x11 – Mary’s Insomnia

Apart fromthe highly inaccurate depiction of insomnia, I adore this episode. It wasdirected by James Burrows, who is one of the most legendary directors of alltime (he also did Cheers). Maybethat’s the reason why there is so much excellent physical comedy in thisepisode. Aside from that, and aside from this being such a nice Mary/Louepisode, I like that Ted actually got to get back at Murray for his years ofinsulting him. I also love the scene where everyone shows up in Mary’s bathroomwhile she’s taking a bath, and only Murray has the good sense to be embarrassedabout it. And Lou accidentally lapsing into “Up the Lazy River” while attempting to sing a lullaby is another one of my favourites.

I could absolutely go on and list another 15 episodes, and probably another 15 after that, but I think it’s in everyone’s best interest if I stop here. Thanks again for the question! And like I said above, people should feel free to reblog and add your own favourite episodes. I’d love to hear what everyone thinks.