#anyways ive posted a bunch of stuff for it (sillies and otherwise) so if youre curious about it yeah those exist

[dreamsy990]

Sooo... about your ghost roxas au, are there, mayhaps other ghosts like riku replica or Xion or is it just Roxas?

OH OKAY SOSOSOSOOSO THIS COULD BE SUCH A COOL CONCEPT !!!!! sadly its not within the scope of this specific au? but theres definitely a lot to play with with xion or repliku,,,,,,, anyways im going to explain a bit of the lore:tm: being ghost roxas au here since i never really properly explained whats going on in this au i think?

so the explanation of how this au works is kind of 90% "whats an explanation that allows my idea to happen while also seeming plausible in terms of kh lores uhhhhhh. im going to call it "narrative flexability" (bending like a rubber ruler to let whatever nomura wants to happen make sense) so the idea is at the start of kh2 when roxas "returns" to sora it doesnt like. fully work? leaving roxas in a sort of frightening liminal space between life and death !! dfgbhgfrerfhg anyways. sora is the only one who can see him also (hence the last comic where he was asking if he was hallucinating).

this au is like. entirely self indulgent i dont think its particularly interesting with like. whats actually going on more with the relationships which was always the focus to me. so theres not really that much to explain with the plot? its mostly true to kh2 but roxas is there and its a lot less focused on the actual events. idk it is but a humble character drama to me because thats what i like to read and write! i am SO fucking serious when i say the xion or repliku concept could be cool as hell however,,,,,,,,,,,,,, someone else should go insane about those guys and write that

[fleouriarts]

sketchbook duuuuump :3 nothing to do in this town AND my stylus isn't working its a perfect storm for filling this thang up

descriptions and such below

feel like the fursona ones are self explanatory. the rileys are basically all inspired by this person's compilations... if you havent seen the clip that the bottom corner drawing is from please do yourself a favor

this was all development shit for the zakharovs who i posted last week. sergei is igor's former childhood friend who i have not come up with much about yet... all i know is he is also a fashion designer (who makes winter clothes specifically) and he has an illegitimate son named nikolai who is an arctic fox (and who i have not drawn yet)

omg okay so if anyone remembers my last sketchbook dump i introduced this character andre in there (and her name was andres but i changed it to andre bc i like it more for whatever reason). anyway ive been drawing him OBSESSIVELYYYYY and have decided that him and null get together at some point after argyle and jamie make up (i desperately need to make a jamie and co timeline post)... but it lasts like one semester and thats it. andre is too vain and too know-it-all for null's tastes even though shes like super hot and nice otherwise. anyway this is just a bunch of drawings of him. i really like how the one of him in my INSANE hat turned out

santiago and null's joint slay... both of them LOVE to gossip with each other and its instrumental to how jamie and argyle make up (will go into detail when i finally figure out all the actual events of that). also andre and null on a hike bc andre is a biology major. i actually drew that while i was on a hike in red rock canyon heres proof

5. mostly just scribbling trying to get better at drawing santiago including more of him and null and his prime Jamie Comforting Tactic of just letting him chill between his wool and sweater. also two drawings of jamie just 4 fun i draw him and his stupid big eyes whenever im out of ideas

6. idk this is just silly stuff. i draw johnny manhandling jamie a lot and i promise you jamie LOVES being treated like a stuffed animal he thinks its SO FUN to be spun around and wiggled and shit. ferret adjacent. him and johnny have been friends since they were in like elementary school because of this. btw santiago does not usually look like that (only having wool on his head) he just has to shear his wool in the summer because having full wool in the flurrida heat is AWFUL

7. comic i drew at the laundromat LOL. takes place either shortly before OR shortly after andre and null get together. johnny mostly hates andre for being with null (shes jealous) (she wants null all to herself even though shes super noncommittal) (johnny get your shit together) BUT ALSO andre being kinda pretentious makes her want to chokeslam him. andre is talking about bird farming specifically because johnny's family are chicken farmers... ive had a lore post about everyone's families in my drafts for months but i cant finish it til my stylus is fixed TT

8. more nonsense. top left corner is a continuation of johnny being a hater. bottom drawings are just mindless jamie doodles. top right is argyle and jamie during their relationship, i cant decide if jamie had REALLY short hair during it or hair like this that's basically just his current hair without the yellow dye and tiny ponytail. whatever

[transgenderer]

i dont go to therapy anymore so heres my therapyposting at 1230 on a thursday: i was thinking abt this post kat made, about her hamartia being the desire for things to last forever. and when i was a kid, i was so so so terrified of death (i thought about it like, all the time), and of impermanence. i went to this thing once, where these buddhist monks made a beautiful mandala out of sand, and then at the end blew it away. and it really really distressed me, it felt so viscerally WRONG.

and ive had a lot of different ways of dealing with that over the years, dealing with impernanence. so for a while i was suicidally depressed, which simplified things, it was okay that i was going to die, it was good even, i wanted it. and then i wasnt suicidally depressed, and i had to go back to dealing with it.

for years in high school i had this quasi-religion i called "the path". imagine for a moment that quantum stuff isnt true, its just billiard balls. so every moment can be determined perfectly from every other moment. time is just this massive crystal, one solid thing. everything is "happening" all at once, now is yesterday is tomorrow. and your life isnt a bunch of nows, its like a path in space. and then when facing misfortune i would (and still sometimes do) say "such is the nature of the path". like, yknow, this misfortune is literally logically equivalent with every fortune. theyre not different things, theyre two parts of the same thing.

ANYWAY i gradually lost my faith in the path. my comfort mostly came from the idea that the path was optimal. which is silly of course. the path is clearly suboptimal. but i told myself it was, and this calmed me down a lot. like yknow, best of all possible worlds. which i mean. maybe it is, when you zoom out far enough, altho we have no reason to think so. and i still have this attachment to optimality, when things are clearly suboptimal i get this little...itch, or like...almost a headache? like a pressure in my head. havent solved that one yet. had it for ages.

anyway so since i lost the path ive come up with other coping methods. and the latest stuff has to do with hedonism and probaility. basically, were trying to maximize the expected value for all sorts of quantities. but there are two problems: one, our data is shit, we dont have enough of it and the uncertainty bars are huge and those uncertainty bars are subject to unquantifiable knightian uncertainty. and 2) were not running a big statistical trial, youre one person. you can make choices that maximize your expected value and still end up with a shit life cuz of bad luck or bad data. so like, how do you deal with that. well, one thing is that our uncertainty gets much smaller in the short term. so okay, what if we value things that are only summed at the moment. well, sure, great. lets, value the integral of hedons. which was sort of always my tendency, but now its more endorsed i guess. i want to maximize my (and others, but thats even harder to influence) hedons, but anything past the very near term is like 80% shooting in the dark. so i follow some rough best-behavior heuristics, get what i need to get done done, and otherwise just try to enjoy myself in the immediate. and try to be skeptical of yknow, stuff that doesnt look like doing that. well see if it works out. and then we'll wonder whether i was foolish or just unlucky