#anyways ive been p active over on twitter so like

[irregulardiaryposts]

01:37 16/02/2023

Well... its obvs been a while since i updated huh. reading back on some of those .. some of its nice ig and some of it is quite articulate but looking back on some of it with my perspective now, idk its sad but also a little cringe lol. but thats the point of a diary to keep it cringe and truthful to how im feeling in the moment. well anyway

its 2023 woooo im in my second year of uni and things are pretty okay i guess. im still a litlte lonely dont get me wrong but im sure things will get better. um. ive got an essay due at midnight on the 16th (technically today) and im like a third through it? but the first 1/3 is the easiest part cos its just explaining the concepts. anyway im behind on a lot of uni work. for no reason. at all. like theres no good reason behind it other than i need medicated i guess. maybe i really should get meds im an adult now so im hoping they can. its genuinely really affecting my uni performance i cant get out of bed most days during the winter cos its so so cold. why is the world so so cold. my feet are also so so cold. can you tell im procrastinating :P unis still lonely but also i barely go anyway so what would i know anyway. i got some hobbies i guess. anime has revived my want for a tumblr blog so in november i made a new blog for anime ToT. its fun tho i really do enjoy it its so fun and silly and i can be as insane as i want to over fictional characters. better than twitter by a mile cos well yeah. it has also reignited my want to make art, cos then i can post it and other people who are also insane about the same characters can enjoy it too. even if its kinda bad idgaf. the whole 'oh shit two cakes' meme constantly runs through my head.

ahh anyway i also like playing video games too, or ig the difference is i have the money to buy them and a decent laptop to run them on. so that helps fill the void of community im missing. i really miss people. and im a huge introvert for the most part (unless im drunk but shhhh) but i miss not being in my room 24/7. i guess the theme of this update is i need meds ToT. not that it will necessarily be a perfect solution sometimes theyre not but ig it doesnt hurt to talk to a doctor about it. that depends on if i can actually get an appt ahhhhh. i dont have too much to talk about ig just that im alive and barely staying afloat but not actively suicidal so *thumbs up*. i really do need to write this essay i would dislike to get an extension because then i would just put it off again until next week lol. im such a good procrastinator :D this definitely isnt detrimental to my non-existent work ethic.

maybe i can talk about something thats itching at me from my philosophy course. my essay isnt exactly on this topic but i rlly wanna formulate some thoughts on it lol.

so we're talking about what exists in the world right? things people would easily say exist are things like tables, chairs, frogs, dogs, atoms and molecules. things that are a little harder to figure out if they exist are things like love, morality, goodness, numbers, gender. the lists are not exhaustive but that kind of thing. and there's this concept of Ordinary Objects(OO) and Extraordinary Objects(EO). the first list has almost all OO, which are defined as being highly visible objects right before our eyes (that do not escape our notice). the atoms and molecules make things tricky in philosophy as nothing can ever, ever, be simple in this subject. anyway. EO are objects that are also highly visible objects that do escape our notice. you're thinking how can an object, a physical object, that is so obviously in front of us, escape our notice??? well you're not alone in thinking philosophy just makes up things along with justifications of said things just for shits and giggles, and calls it a day, cos that's exactly what i thought when i heard this the first time. and genuinely so much of philosophy is just postulating and theorising about this thing and that thing but its done with such earnestness and sincerity that i get endeared by these stupid dead guys. ANYWAY. the existence of EO are obviously controversial (of course) and even OO are argued too. but yes what are EO exactly? the example given in the reading was a Trog - an object that is composed of a dog and a tree trunk. no, they are not connected in any way, and no they don't even have to be near each other but they can compose this object called a Trog. this is what you can call an EO. it is highly visible (assuming the dog isn't microscopic and the tree is not invisible) and it is right before our eyes yet we never notice it. well of course, who would? but the question is do EO really exist or is it a baseless theory. well...

another example of an

[multi-mused-menagerie]

TFW YOU MAKE AN RP ACCOUNT ON TWITTER FOR CHUUYA TO TRY AND GET HIS MUSE BACK...

ONLY TO MAKE ANOTHER RP ACCOUNT FOR DAZAI BECAUSE HE LIVES IN YOUR MIND RENT FREE AND REFUSES TO LEAVE SIR PLEASE EVICT YOURSELF-

[faiiryys]

its leeky noelle

i wasnt going to come back to tumblr ever again but... ngl i miss photosets lmao. uhh. i dont really want to talk about why i left but a run down is i went into financial crisis, 3 people hurt me over the summer, i was actively suicidial and getting sick constantly and yeah! its been a rough year of job hopping after only working days at a time to working a job that treats me like garbage when they know i fork over 40-50 per workday just to be there.

but uh yeah i miss tumblr... i thought since i would be back id follow a few mutuals again. um.

positive! on a positive note im going to school for money LOL but i got approved a job on campus so thats something. im desperate to get out of the food industry so im gonna try and get a degree to become a high school counselor just to have something. i hope i can make it work. i play final fantasy xiv mmo. its my life rn. i fucking rewatched hannibal of all things and had a meltdown that made me want to get my life on some sort of track. uhhh. steven universe movie was cool. i havent dyed my hair and look like shit. i love fire emblem. still about my shitty interests. met a g4m3grump loosely on the ff mmo and he liked my art and followed my twitter so that was kinda cool. small world. had a birthday. i cleaned my room last night and i quit my job but they dont know that yet rlly but :P

i still go by leeky/noelle but ive been calling myself fairy and even ofeimfeoin latte the past two months... its my ff character and i just feel nice when ppl call me those names :( latte is just amusing to me lmao its cute but yeah..fairy..

i ...just really miss being social but dont know how to be anymore. ive been living on solely twitter but no one talks much over there so yeah. anyways miss u guys if anyone reads this.

[pkmnjesus]

5 years of the PokémonJesus

Before the night comes to a close, I would like to personally reflect on today’s importance (thus the reason for the Takeover queue). It’s been 5 years since I officially became engaged with this fandom that has really became a weekly routine of mine when new episodes come out. This is really just to put my thoughts out there in the blog archive, so I would prefer if no one reblogs this. P J’s beginnings started all the way back with Serebii Forums...

2013-2014 (The Pokémon forums Era)

I have been lurking in the fandom as early as the Best Wishes days, and often visit sites like Serebii Forums or tumblr’s Pokémon anime tags around 2011. I usually talk Pokémon online when it comes to the games when battling or trading in certain chat rooms (was really active during the Gen. IV era of games), but never really talked about the anime with. I have been a spectator to the discussion while the BW saga was rolling a long, then I decided on September 26th 2013 (which was the airdate for the final BW! episode in Japan) to create a serebiiforums account under the username PokemonJesus123, just in time for the start of the XY series which I was mad hyped about! I WAS A FAN SINCE DAY 1...some y’all just tagged along in XY&Z NO LOYALTY xD . My serebii profile is still there actually, so you can try to find my old inactive page if you want lol (my avatar was me holding up my 3DS in a cringey way...looking back why tf did I take that photo lol delete later). Coming into 2014, I joined tumblr as well under the url name you see right before you. Never changed it, and probably never will. The origin of this name you ask? You’ll just have to ask me personally for that story 😉 I absolutely joined tumblr out of pure boredom to view and follow blogs I was a fan of. I had no intention of posting whatsoever. Oh, and I made a Twitter account under the P J name too! Follow ME :^)

2014-2015 (Thursday LIVE! tumblr era)

After a couple months of finally creating a tumblr account and actively posting on serebiiforums and bulbagarden, XY episode 50 (the episode where big lips Nini/Nene debuted) was the first EVER Pokémon anime episode I ever posted about in my blog. I was still new the #pokeani tag (funny story, I didn’t really knew what it meant back then besides to tag it lol), but I got as much as around 30-100 notes. Seeing those notes already got excited that it pushed me from making it a weekly thing since I had a livestream to watch it every Thursday night and screen-cap it. My goal from the very beginning was to try to be the first one to post about here, like what the Japanese fans do on Twitter under the #Anipoke tag. Of course, most of my notes came from either an AmourShipping post or a Serena post. I’m not going to lie, I was really a huge Serena fan when the series first started. I rambled a lot too getting hyped for Citron/Clemont episodes because he was probably my favorite character at the time xD

2015-2016 (A growing blog)

This was the era I started to do special long posts in celebration with Pokémon’s 20th anniversary. Around this period is where my blog was in a developing state getting like 2 or 3 followers every week. And trust me, there were A LOT of posts that I regret posting, but I learned to watch my words every week and say the right things (I really try not to trigger anyone here). I took a couple of weeks off when new episodes aired since I was really busy with college, or I wasn’t into XY filler episodes that much. Would usually tune in live when Team Flare was involved or anything with Squishy/Puni-chan (I absolutely ADORED Bonnie/Eureka in this arc), but I didn’t post that much on tumblr...unless if there was like an AmourShipping moment that happened xD. The hype for Gen. VII was already looming, and I kinda got bored from the anime A BIT. When Ash-Greninja came into the picture however, I got excited again! Then the Kalos League happened, and the anticipation of Ash’s journey hit a climax! We all know what happened, and the rest was history...

2016-2017 (GIFmaking era)

So the Sun & Moon anime happened late 2016, and the hype for a new series was within me again! This is when my blog REALLY started to boom, as well as the birth of my Pokémon Discord server PokéTōku. My notes were higher than over compared to what I posted from XY. One possible reason is that a lot of pokeani bloggers from back then weren’t really interested in Sun & Moon (probably because of the animation change), so I was one of few who still stayed for the ride and that really benefited my blog’s exposure. I absolutely loved Lillie’s character development, and I also did not expect myself to enjoy Lana/Suiren’s character so much! Brock & Misty’s was a huge highlight for me as well seeing my childhood come to a modern-day Pokémon series. I was surprised to have popular people reblog my stuff that destroys my notifications per second. I was even flattered when popular pokéblogs such as shelgon, corsolanite, chasekip, and a few others followed me. Back then I really wanted to get a lot of notes, but at this point I just wanted to be myself and post screen-caps that I feel like talking about. The series also motivated me to start making GIFs since I finally had access to Adobe Photoshop through my university’s application benefits. Later in 2017, I graduated from college and it gave me more time to improving my blog. Also, can you believe it took me 3 years to get 1,000 followers? If you asked me from day 1, I would have never expected to get that much since I had no idea about tumblr’s audience.

Everyone here knows that my blog doesn’t really follow “traditional” tumblr methods such as tags or making specific posts and what not (since I’m not really that into the tumblr culture lol...I’m just here for fun doing my own thing), but I hope I’ve brought something different to your dash experience 🙃

2017-2018 (Making friends)

From 1,000 to 2,500+ followers the next year. You’d be surprise how small that still is compared to the other popular Pokéblogs that joined tumblr later than me, but I’m still grateful for that number. My hype for movie 20 was crazy! I’d always make a post about it when a new trailer was out. But just like Sun & Moon, not everyone was looking forward to the AU it produced. The Let’s Go games shared the same fate as well since everyone didn’t want another Kanto, but I always defend the things that deserve a chance! I fairly enjoyed movie 20 though, and was the first movie that I posted screen-caps and GIFs for in this blog, even made an experience post about it watching it in the theaters! What’s MOST important to me during this time was actually interacting with some of my followers...or should I say friends now :) Out of the 5 years I’ve been here (not counting serebiiforum peeps I’ve known since 2013), I only recently talked to some of you around 2017. My interactions with people here have been awesome (for the most part at least lol) from sharing interests, geeking out over the anime, sending memes xD and concerns when P J isn’t feeling P J. You know who you are, and THANK YOU for cheering your boy up in times when I needed it despite not telling you about it <3 Going back to PokéAni hype, my next excitement attack was when they announced the Aether Foundation and Ultra Beasts were getting involved in the main story. It really makes up for no Alola movie...but hey we still got 1 year left, so maybe there’s hope?

Despite the brief breaks I took, P J’s activeness in the fandom has reached its highest when I managed the time to do scheduled posts and even started a few mini-blog series this year. Even during stressful times, I always make it an effort to find time and contribute to the fandom. I honestly don’t care if I get any asks because I know who the real homies are ◉‿◉つ A special shoutout as well to all the people that joined my Discord server through this website. I couldn’t have reached 100+ members without some of your blogs ^_^ And to the lurkers out there (I know some of y’all are creepin’ in the shadows of my blog without liking anything), you may not know it but I love you people too ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

Anyway this is just a summary of my journey here so far, and if you’d to hear a more in-depth story on some toxic things I’ve experienced in this fandom just message me. I personally don’t like venting out stuff in public because it just promotes more negativity, and I’m not about that. I will make a separate post on my feelings toward the schedule change maybe next week, and an appreciation post (5th tumblr blogaversary) for my specific followers January 2019. I am still preparing for that because there are so many people (even ones I don’t even talk to) I want to thank ❤ Moving forward into my 6th year, I probably won’t make another post like this anytime soon...but I am very hopeful for the future of the SM series and possible Gen. 8 anime late 2019. I also do plan on making some PokéAni-related stuff in my YouTube channel when the time is right, and have the resources to do projects. Keep your eyes out fam 👀LET’S F’N GO!

[flamewyrmz]

a late night rant from twitter im putting in one place, because its a trainwreck of several threads there. mostly copy/paste and still not proofread, but a collection of thoughts on gender, sexuality, personal identity, and love and support within the lgbtq community. i do really lay myself bare here so id like to ask that if you disagree or have criticism you do so respectfully and with that in mind, thank you <3 and if this means something to you itd mean the world to me if you shared it

dunno if ive said this here before but like. if you think you might be bi/pan but youre on the fence cos maybe youve never had a crush on a nonfictional guy or get more crushes on guys than on girls and you find yourself tied up in knots like "well im gay but im also attracted to nonbinary people unless theyre mostly woman-aligned but i dont wanna say im bi/pan because then people will think i like girls and like i like them theoretically but--" let go. just say fuck it! im bi/pan! 

try it out and if it doesnt feel right it doesnt feel right and thats fine and in the end no matter what youll have learned a little about yourself. this is actually my advice on any gender/sexuality dilemmas you might be having. go wild. try it out. see how it feels. dont feel like you have to confine yourself to something just because youve stuck with it for some amount of time. 

if youre questioning dive right into the deep end! no matter how it goes youll be a better swimmer in the end. its all not quite rigid and a little fluid anyways (for some more than others obv) so if youre unsure, man... go for it. its ok to backpedal

--

this is important advice to me because ive struggled with it multiple times in the past and this has only recently clicked and i really wish it had sooner. first it was with being... not straight in general. like i was actively dating someone of the same gender and i never considered that that meant, uh, im not straight. always "do you like boys or girl?" "uhhhhhhhhh. uh. UH" 

then with being in the range of aro/ace spect. then with being nonbinary! then with being nb but primarily male. and then goddammit im just a boy. accepting that God I Love Men And Only Men (and with it that i *wasnt* aro or ace in ANY capacity) and then, very recently (like up until a couple months ago. like im p sure this year. not 2017), going back on that and admitting i was bi. it is so so freeing to just say "fuck it" and test those waters!

hell, you find something you resonate with but looks a little silly? go for it! use those bun/buns/bunself pronouns. go with stargender! ace-flux demibiromantic? hell yeah rock that shit! it can always change and you can always decide its not right and go back! h4y dudes

--

all of that especially goes for teens who dont know what the fuck theyre doing. im only 20 yea and barely 20 at that but man i wish id heard this sooner

and please dont take that as me saying "well if youre a lesbian sexuality is fluid and maybe youre actually bi"! hell no. if youre a lesbian and you KNOW youre and lesbian and couldnt ever be anything else then rock on you funky little lesbian! but if you id as a lesbian but are teetering on something like "well im attracted to some fictional and theoretical men but not any real ones and maybe its just compulsory heterosexuality but im not sure and--" dont be afraid to try a different label. its all what feels right to you and theres absolutely no harm

--

people bash on like. """mogai genders""" and nounself pronouns and the split attraction model and all that and like. yeah! those things can hurt people! personally i struggled with the split attraction bit combined with how broadly people define the ace spectrum. it can be used to hurt. and it is used to hurt. sometimes its deliberate, sometimes its not. but the hurt is there. but its not inherently good or bad. 

and yeah, some of it sounds silly. hell, it sounds silly to me sometimes! but to some people hearing that label makes everything click into place, even if just for a little bit, and i take that very seriously. it is one of the best feelings in the world and i want as many lgbtq people (of any age) to experience it. 

for some people it feels right to zoom waaaaaaay in and section it into lots of little bits and for others its "fuck it! i dont know shit! im just queer!" and those are both equally valid (that words been thru 12 garbage disposals but i cant think of a better one) maybe you go back n forth and thats fine too! as long as youre open to it changing or being wrong it cant hurt and, like i said, its one of the best possible feelings to have it click like that

--

as an aside: being bi can *totally* mean "im attracted to men and nonbinary people are long are they arent primarily woman-aligned" or it can mean "im attracted to everyone fuck it" personally? i use bi over pan because i feel like it better encapsulates that i *do* have preferences (i say this all the time but God I Love Men) but ultimately gender doesnt really matter to me cos everyones cute and hot and generally attractive and im not leaving anyone out because im just a little more inclined to kissing boys. but thats me!

--

as Another aside: i do still to some degree identify with uhh this is gonna sound contradictory but agender boy? or more like boy agender? boygender with left none? i just dont personally feel like its worth taking the time to explain over n over. but it used to be, for me, n i dont regret that a single bit! i wouldnt regret that even if i *didnt* still feel that way in any capacity. honestly? 

i dont regret any of the ways ive identified in the past even though feeling stuck and cornered into some got a little harmful to me (and if youve gone through somethin similar and DO regret it and wish youd never heard whatever term you used thats good too. im very strongly advocating for "use whatever labels you want and if it dont fit it dont fit" here but if they did hurt you and youre still hurting about it i understand 100% just dont use it to pull others down. if it concerns you say your piece and let them decide)

--

this is personally a little hard to admit so bear with me here 

honestly? ANY sort of strong identity didnt start developing in me until i was.... 14 or so? and very slowly at that. like gender evened out around 18 and sexuality just a few months ago LMAO. but up until i was a teenager i didnt really feel much of anything re: gender or attraction (and the attraction thing is pretty normal for kids and even teens tbqh!) 

and i just.... didnt really think about it! i had This Name and apparently was a girl and i didnt really get what it was like to BE a girl but thats what people said and i didnt know there were other options so i went with it! the name didnt bother me either (except for when people made jokes about a Certain Historical Figure with the same one. just thinking about that i get tired) 

and when it came time to actually grapple with the whole concept of being *into* people i just kinda... slunk away! no joke until like 10th grade if someone started a rumor that i was dating x or y had a crush on me i would start to avoid them entirely. lost a friend in 4th grade that way but then in hs hed turned into a TOTAL DICK so no loss there. i think part of that was also people making the assumption that i was straight though? big shrug! 

i didnt even realize attraction was a thing i had until i got asked out and just kind of "oh wow??? that sounds so nice??? i feel the same??? yes??" and thats WHY i went thru varying aro/ace labels. cos it unfolded slowly (which again is totally normal if youre a teenager, so dont worry about it if youre going thru that. roll with the punches. and if youre a teen and youve got it figured out? thats totally normal too!) 

and the gender thing was similar once i learned that it was an actual possibility (especially being nb, and ESPECIALLY especially being agender) i slowly just... poked at it until i figured something out (fun fact: what set me off to finally go "fuck it im not a girl at all" was being stuck in an awful hair salon chair while my mom got a haircut that took FOREVERRRRRRRRR and i was having godawful period cramps. like i knew not being a girl wouldnt DO anything about them but i made that decision then n there n didnt look back!) 

and then i kept pokin at it and watching it like the seed id planted finally started to sprout and i realized i didnt actually know what kind of seed it WAS. i guess ive always been very nebulous in those aspects and its just now forming into something solid. like i said, its a little hard to admit and i... dont think ive actually talked about this in this depth before to, like, anyone? 

because the "oh ive always known" narrative is the only one you ever see in popular media and sometimes even from the community itself! and theres nothing wrong with having always known! but theres also nothing wrong with being like me! but i still feel a little anxious talking about it like it somehow means im a sham. 

hell, id even go so far as to say i WAS a girl as a kid! i WAS varying shades of agender and nonbinary and ???? as a teen, and i AM, like, 95% a guy right now! maybe in a few years ill be something else. none of those things contradict each other. things like that can change! its not set in stone (but like i said: for some people it is! or, like, set in slime that you left out for 5 years so now its pretty much a rock but if you really try it still squishes into something else?? none of these things invalidate the others! were all unique). 

i wouldnt say that at any point ive been cis or straight, cos even when i just went with being a girl and stuff it was always a little ??? but, yknow. even if i HAD been those things at some point it wouldnt matter to me? things just are the way they are and were the way they were

--

im making myself really vulnerable here and my thought process is a mess and i ramble and repeat myself and my memory and attention span is like 2 seconds and i dont proofread but. its important i think. i dont have a lot of followers and fewer still thatre active but... that really doesnt matter. 

maybe someone will retweet at least one of these messy, messy threads. maybe link it to a friend. maybe screenshot it and post it on tumblr [note: LMAO YEAH AND ITS YOU DUMBASS], or to keep for themself. if any of my words help anyone out even a little then it matters and honestly? then its the most important thing in the whole danged world. if even one person sees any of the things ive said tonight and it means *anything* to them, even if just "oh, im not alone in this" then ive succeeded here. 

i dont want any of us to ever feel trapped or alone because shit! lifes too fuckin short for that! its goddamn hard being anything but cisgender and straight! sometimes it sucks! like really sucks! there have been so many times ive broken down completely over being trans and felt like, for myself, its the most awful thing in the world. its why prides so important. its why community is so important. 

because even when the pressure of the world brings you down so low you think youll never escape theres something or someone there to take your hand and pull you back up, put you on your feet, and say "i know its hard. and itll get hard again. but i believe in you, and youre strong enough for this, and im here with you through every step". that goes for anyone but especially goes for us. and im not just talking about lgbtq youth here. all of us. which is *why* im laying myself completely bare here. 

most of this stuff? ive either never talked about or only vaguely mentioned. but im putting it out there. because there was a point where i needed it but didnt have it, and even if its just one person, i want to give someone this advice so at least they dont have to deal with the same stuff i did. and if youre reading this? i love you. im here for you. im my dms are always open and if for some reason they arent its almost definitely an accident and if you say something ill reopen them. 

and if youre someone who hates me? maybe even mutually? if it came down to it id let you come to me at your lowest moment, no questions asked, no judgement held, and at the end of it still be the same kind of enemies we were before and never speak again. there are some exceptions of course but honestly ill forgive a lot for someone who needs that kind of support. and if youre one of the people this applies to, i know youll probably never take me up on it. i dont expect you to. i dont expect you to even for a second be comfortable with that idea. thats fine. but if for some reason you ever need it, its there. 

i can count on one hand the ex friends that i wouldnt give that to and thats ONLY because theyve legitimately hurt me and left lasting damage (and for some of them? its mutual. and im sorry for that, regardless of how i feel about your treatment of me im truly sorry for my actions. that probably sounds fake and anyway i digress) 

and if youre a complete stranger? someone who follows me but has never interacted with anything ive posted? a mutual i havent spoken to yet? im here. and im bumbling, and awkward, and not the best at comfort but you can always come to me if you need someone. im only one man and im under a lot of stress but i swear ill do the best i can, even if its only reading and replying 3 days later and even then just listening and offer whatever gentle comfort or reassurance youll accept. 

because thats important to me. thats the impact i want to leave on this world. i dont ever want anyone to feel as small, as scared, as worthless, as alone as i have. im no fighter. im not going to lead any revolutions and hell im too anxious to even go to protests but im here for support. im here to help and heal. and thats important too

--

and if you listened to that? thank you. if you just skimmed? thank you for that too. if you shared it with someone? thank you (so much). and if you dont? thank you anyways, just for the time

just know this: i love you. i dont care who you are, if youre reading this i love you and im behind you 100%. im here if you need it. stay strong, do something that makes you smile if only for a moment. take that leap of faith. dont restrict yourself for even a second

i meant to go to bed at least two hours ago so goodnight <3 be safe, drink some water, if you have any kind of pet give it some love. take care of yourself. youre the most important person in your own world and never forget that, even if you dont think you are. even if theres something or someone you treasure above everything else. dont diminish your own worth! you are alive, and you are here, and theres nothing more important than that, really. the things you love matter more than anything else. hold them close

[airadam]

Episode 111 : Pay Attention!

"Classical soul, I got the nastiest flow"

- Sean Price

We had to open the show with an Aretha Franklin track to mark her sad passing this month, and you'll hear her essence at various points throughout the episode. I'm just about beating the buzzer to get this one out on time, but I'm sure you'll agree it was worth the effort!

Manchester shows for the month;

Beatnuts, The Bluntskins, Didjit, Air Adam | September 19th, Whiskey Jar

Havoc, Big Noyd, DJ L.E.S, Seven Spherez | September 24th, Joshua Brooks

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Aretha Franklin : Rock Steady

We had to start things off with a classic from the Queen. This 1971 single from the "Young, Gifted, and Black" album isn't short on legends, with Donny Hathaway on electric piano and organ, and Bernard Purdie doing the business on the drums. A much covered and much sampled record, all trying to get just a hint of the flavour of the original. 

Pete Rock : Aretha

A perfect instrumental for me to come across this month, drawn from the golden period in which Pete Rock was on production for InI's unreleased (but heavily bootlegged) debut album. This beat wasn't used, but it comes to us courtesy of the 2017 "Lost Sessions" release alongside nine other previously-unreleased instrumentals.

[DJ Premier] Gang Starr : 92 Interlude

I just had to include this - an interlude beat from the "Daily Operation" LP that built around just a tiny incidental piece of a famous Aretha Franklin track and put other producers on notice when it comes to how Primo picks gold!

JR & PH7 ft. Chuuwee : Meadowview Morning

Thank you Spotify for dropping this one into one of my playlists! The German producers JR and PH7 have made a brief appearance on the show previously, but their work on this track from "The South Sac Mack" is really something. They come up with a jazzy but sombre instrumental which perfectly fits the trio of Sacramento MCs telling tales of life in their corner of the world. 

Hieroglyphics : Oakland Blackouts

Keeping it over on the West Coast, the Hiero crew have always been reliable as a source of bars upon bars. The "3rd Eye Vision" album is creeping towards twenty years old, but is still an excellent listen! Opio of Souls of Mischief is on production for this one.

Termanology : Are You Sure?

We don't hear Erick Sermon's name brought up enough when it comes to some of the greatest producers, so I'm glad Termanology linked up with him for this head-nod groove on his latest album "Bad Decisions". This is almost Term's version of Gang Starr's "The Planet", with him telling the story of coming to New York from Massachusetts and having to work to establish and hold his position. I won't give away the hook sample in case it's uncleared, but it's also a quality record :)

Sean Price : Director's Cut

This one has an unusual structure - a series of short two-bar "scenes" separated by two-bar sections of commentary. It's raw street business with a dash of humour as you'd expect from Sean P, gracing the Khrysis beat with some classic jewels. If you like this track, then the "Jesus Price Supastar" LP is a must in your collection.

DJ Agent M : Keeping Me In The Dark

Agent M is a producer and DJ from Leeds whose 2018 beat tape "Closure" is the sound of him working through a period of loss. This track is based around a classic sample, which is not just flipped for the sonics but also for the title.

Kev Brown : Voltron

It's been an extremely long wait for a proper follow-up to Kev Brown's 2005 debut LP "I Do What I Do", but finally he returns with "Homework" - twenty-nine tracks for a grateful audience! It's a partly vocal and partly instrumental album, with many tracks clocking in at under two minutes long. This was an initial standout for me, and while it's tickling my head as though there's a familiar sample, it wouldn't surprise me to find out that everything was played from scratch - Kev certainly has the capability.

The Game ft. Faith Evans : Don't Need Your Love

I've got to be honest - the lead-up to the release of The Game's debut album, "The Documentary" felt like one of the first times I felt as though the industry was really trying to force-feed an artist into the scene. He'd only been rapping for a relatively short time (for that era) before this LP came out, and has to be credited for building his skills in such a short time, but the Dr. Dre co-sign and G-Unit affiliation was of course what put him over the top. He's still active nowadays though, and has absolutely earned his place. Anyway, the first album had two tracks I really enjoyed - "Put You On The Game" and this, a track straight from the heart with Faith Evans blessing the hook. Havoc of Mobb Deep is on production with a beat that isn't what you might expect from him in terms of sound, but is right there at the standard of quality that he'd set.

DJ Cam ft. Cameo : Love Junkee (Dilla Remix)

You may or may not know it, but you cannot deny that this is a serious tune! The original was cool, in a relaxed and organic way, with Cameo an extremely welcome guest to proceedings,  but Dilla turned it into a banger. Incredibly minimal on the surface, but packed with lots of little subtleties if you listen closely enough. If you can hear past that thumping low end! Get yourself a digital copy of both versions, and thank me later.

Zapp : Computer Love

I've said it before, but Zapp were something like fifteen years ahead of the advent of internet dating! This is a stone classic record, sampled and flipped countless times, and one which I'm glad to have enjoyed as a new track when it was released back in 1985! Shirley Murdock features as half of the lead vocal duet alongside Charlie Wilson of The Gap Band, and the great Roger Troutman (RIP), who also wrote the song, comes in on the talkbox. Apparently Charlie Wilson's record label thought this wasn't going to be a hit...I assume much crow has been eaten since! You can find this as a single, on the "The New Zapp IV U" album, and on many compilations.

Onra : Wait A Minute

This needed a bit of additional looping to be long enough to fit here, but it fit so well in terms of sound that it had to be done. It's taken from the new "Nobody Has To Know" album, the instrumental story of a secret relationship.

Sean Price : 60 Bar Dash

Sean P again with a stream of the disrespectful lines we love him for, on a record from relatively early in his solo career - you can find this on the B-side of the "Boom Bye Yeah" 12" single. PF Cuttin is on production, working a break you might know from the first Diamond D album.

De La Soul : The Art Of Getting Jumped

I always enjoyed this one and the 80s Aretha sample that makes up the hook! Underrated but big tune from the "Art Official Intelligence : Mosaic Thump" album, all about those times when the pack strikes and isn't concerned with fighting fair...

Eric B & Rakim : Set 'Em Straight

If you don't have the "Let The Rhythm Hit 'Em" album, then you probably don't know this track - it wasn't a single, it's not a club track, but my goodness, it's dope. The title is perfect, as Rakim takes the time to primarily put other MCs in check, but also correct one or two false rumours of the time, including that that he was supposedly locked up on Rikers Island for selling drugs. Pure heat from the very early 90s.

Blade : Rough It Up

Long before his union with Mark B (RIP) that many of you will know him for, Blade was an MC who absolutely personified the grind and the real DIY attitude. His first LP, "The Lion Goes From Strength To Strength", was in my opinion the original crowd-funded album, and the determined and defiant nature required to undertake such a task in 1991 is evident on this early 12"! He's talking about his real life right down to washing dishes to pay the bills, over a soup of funk cooked up by his own hand alongside the underground legendary engineer/producer "No Sleep" Nigel. I learned about this record when Pete Tong played it as a brand new tune on Radio 1, and it made me a Blade fan for life.

K-Def : Get A Clue

I needed something funky for this spot, and with the help of a bit of looping to make it a suitable length, I found it on K-Def's "Willie Boo Boo" collection, which is one that the beat heads should definitely have in their collections.

Aretha Franklin : Young, Gifted, and Black

What can you say? I thought this soaring anthem would be a great record to end the episode on. Nina Simone was the original writer (with Weldon Irvine) and performer of this song, back in 1969, but just three years later Aretha released this incredible version as the title track of her eighteenth (!) studio album. I certainly remember hearing many versions of this track as a child, and this is the perfect time to bring it out for all of you. Turn up the volume and take in the mastery.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[ssauronn]

mmm crossposting a life update here from my twitter w edits bc here its easier to keep tabs on and i dont need to bother my friends unless they want to be bothered so everyone wins. 

 HOLY SHIT so the bitch i fought w over fucking facebook for being an asshole about pulse last year literally destroyed her friendship w my mother over it lmao. for context, she has a disabled child. my mother has kept trying to be kind to this lady because literally my mother did nothing, why the fuck should my beef with her affect her friendship w my mother? previously this dumb shit, lets call her K, got her husband and her shit like-minded right-wing circlejerk 40s+ friends to gang the hell up on me at 18 and started shitting on my mother out of NOWHERE for not "raising me properly", because i was "disrespecting" k, well after the convo had ended on my part. she blocked me, her disabled child also blocked me after asking me to apologize, to which i refused obv. i explained gently to her that i was not about to apologize for calling out her mom bc her biggest only problem w pulse was headlines calling it the worst massacre on american soil w a link to a wikipedia article she apparently didnt fucking read; the only worse ones were in wartimes according to it. (which apparently she read wrong, she thought I meant there were wars when other massacres happened?? like no the only bigger ones there were literally during the civil war and shit like that) I didn’t call her any names, and I certainly didn’t insult her fucking family. her son unfriended me, and ok ok, everythings fine with me, she fucking acted like a martyr when a couple people took my side and claimed i and others (who chimed in arguing more for my perspective because she was way over the top, which was cool tbh) were SO misled and delusional and blocked her so we’ll never learn I guess! when i never did shit but told her to stop talking. I only know this because she didn’t block my mother. Everything’s still cool for me like, K, this is really more of a you problem. Fast forward a year fucking later and my mother has tried to be cordial and nice and all this shit bc theyve been friends for basically their entire lives which is cool like, it's not my life, fucking whatever. but clearly K cannot let anything go, and she’s p rude to my mother anyway, once flippantly bringing up losing her father, like holy shit, are you like 12??? Anyway my mother sent her info about a water park for disabled kids and i guess K ranted at her as a result. i havent seen the convo yet, but ive been told k said my mother 'doesnt control her reality'??? LIKE 

 just. holy shit the original convo over facebook spiraled WAY out of control, and when i was fucking exhausted w her she didnt stop so like.through the whole conversation I kept it as respectful as I fucking could while explaining all this shit.

This is really like the “everything’s really your fault because of your bad attitude and not my doing anything wrong because on top of your bad attitude you’re wrong so clearly your argument is invalid because you’re mad so i don’t have to care bc this is disrespectful! additionally i am correct”

  literally im so tired of all the older folks in my life going thru life sufferjng cuz prides (lol) too big to swallow like ik yall have the resources to get professional help. please i strongly believe no one can go through life on their own and not every layperson you know is properly equipped to help you through shit, and really theres not a fucking point in wrecking your 50 yr old friendship and being actively delusional about it when this totally different person from the one you fought with actively wants to be friendly with you still?? like, contact has been limited by Ks terse responses, not a shortage of my mother trying with this bitch lmao. she started accusing my mother of doing all these things, like making fun of her,lying, making “snide remarks” with no fucking context.  i literally only still give a shjt about this cuz this bitch is fucking things up for someone who waSNT INVOLVED LIKE...,,THIS ISNT A WAR OF HOUSEHOLDS??CHRIST its almost like im my own person lmfao like idgaf if you fuck out of my life forever. but lol literally.. my mother is only involved bc u shat on her parenting lmfao and obv shes not perfect but not for the reasons you're naming, hen, im not a fuckface ill defend her over some bullshit like this because she literally didnt do ANYTHING

edit i have seen the convo if there’s conflict in the narrative that’s why

 K has definitely said a lot of shit that’s just. basically incorrect? and she’s trying to continue her argument w me w my mother lmao

at one point she asked if my mother believed everyone makes their own reality

(like.......................................................... really....?? every separate individual experiences life differently because ultimately the way you interpret your world shapes your experience, so, like.... what???)

she wanted to have a discussion about “what happened last june” like.... seriously, it’s not even my mother’s problem? If you genuinely don’t care about lgbt people dying then I have no reason to care for you. additionally, if you have beef with ME, fucking unfuckingblock me and tell me how ya feel bih lmf

she kept going about how grossly misled I am, how islam is bad and is why things like pulse happen (she Is One Of Those),,, fuck

(in this vein, she told me that homophobia is made up and that I made the word up and it’s not real and doesn’t mean what I thought it did and whatever)

 tbh im  going to contact the child that didn’t block me because he’s old enough to deal and never said anything to me directly and just unfriended me. the things she was saying were things that i doubt mentally well people say, and literally i only care about her to the extent of wow literally don’t fuck with my family for doing jack fucking shit, get some help and sort whatever shit you have out because it was actually you who dragged my mother into this for no other reason than to be all righteous and shit on her. she really shouldnt be dealing with this lmao. Glad you’ve been pressed about me being exhausted for a year. Please see a professional of some kind. 

Additional choice bits i remember:

accused me of going on tangents when I was responding to topics that she brought up,

some old bitch i dont know told me to take a nap over facebook

K said adults “dont lash out” in this text convo from today

previously she also acted all offended that I asked her to stop talking to me, I stopped responding, and she just did what the fuck ever. 

K also said she was upset my mother knew enough about the “situation” to form an opinion about it, like???? how much do you need to know when its pretty clear that if you acted like how you think adults should act you would have shut the fuck up earlier? like when I asked you to stop, when the conversation was already so fucked and had been going for hours because somehow I’m wrong for thinking it’s bad that you only posted this insensitive garbage when 50 people like me got fucking murdered for being in a space meant for them but hey, it’s my fault somehow LMAO 

I LIterally told this bitch to stop talking to me because there’s clearly nothing I can say to change her mind about why it’s bad that your only problem with pulse is vaguely untrue headlines, like what, you wanna fucking downplay it? fuck off. 

she was also all mad about me telling her to stop talking like in the fucking morning like muhh it’s my wall and i’ll do what i want and at night uhh i dont have time to sit on facebook all day so you’re wrong LIKE GOOD BITCH LMAO STOP TALKING TO ME THEN!!!