#anyways it's been 5 years of loving jumpy... whoa

[junpeilovezone]

for junpei, 

hello, my dear jumpy! so today’s your day huh... how many years has been now? i think it’s 5 now, which is also your number! is this a coincidence? i don’t think so, but again, that’s what i’d like to think.

so... it’s been 5 years since we’ve met! i asked for any ds games recommendations and someone told me about 9 hours 9 persons 9 doors. at the beginning i was a little bit like meh, but then i started playing and i met you. and god how much i loved you since the very beginning, you don’t have the faintest idea. i was super anxious when the water started bumping inside the cabin because i was sure this game had a time limit and you were going to drawn. i even cried, too! but you were okay, we figured the puzzles out and you got out.

there you met everyone, including kanny. then, the madness started and we had 9 hours to get out, hopefully alive. and what great 9 hours they were! i absolutely loved your humour (tho I admit sometimes I really wanted to scream at you, man, puns are not your thing), how much you wanted to protect kanny and every small detail. jesus christ junpei, i wonder how you are such a nerd, really. did you really believed akane wanted to have sex in that elevator? man, you were going to die!!!!

you appeared again in the next two games, but i’m not going to talk about your adventures there. this is about me, i’m sorry! i swear i’m not that egocentric.

but hey, you showed me how complex a character can get. how much a character can suffer and still have some kind of hope, how somebody can lose everything again and again and still try their best to get it back. you taught me love, junpei, and luck and faith and hope. you taught me to be strong, to find light in the darkness, to see the best in everyone. with you by my side i’ve learnt not to give up, to keep trying no matter what.

god jumpy, you’ve been my comfort character for whole five years! i’ve written about you in my darkest moments and you’ve always cheered me up. i thought about happy headcanons where you kissed kanny all the time and had fun beach dates and i felt so genuinely happy. that’s it, junpei, you make me so happy you can’t even imagine it. i think about you and my heart feels lighter and sometimes it aches a little bit because i love you so so so so much. 

you mean the world to me, junpei. you’ve helped so much when i had anxious attacks you would laugh at me, but as i felt anxiety coming up, i always thought “hey, junpei wouldn’t like to see you like that!” and maaaaan, it works. can you believe it? i think about you and everything feels better, even if just a bit. thank you for saving me so many times. you’ve been there so many times that i can’t count them. whenever things are bad, you are always there.

i remember crying my heart out when i knew that you used to drink until you fell asleep in your bathtub. like everytime i went inside my bathroom i started fucking crying!! bc you mean so much to me and knowing that you were suffering so much!!! i couldn’t stand it!!! (and i still can’t, ofc). and all the hardships you have had to endure... man, i would gladly die if that meant you could live happily, i’m not even joking. there’s no day that i don’t think about your life and cry a little.

you are a great father, junpei. i love talking about your relationship with quark, what both of you mean to each other, the great things quark brought to you. you learnt to love again, junpei. that tiny baby healed your wounds and made you have hope again. everything he gave back to you, important things you thought you had lost forever, things you had to give up in order to look for akane. im so so so happy you had a will to live again!!!! the idea of you having something to protect warmys my heart so much... man you should only know love and safety. i will fight uchikoshi myself don’t worry.

i wish i could express myself better, jumpy, bc i cannot say exactly what i want bc english is not my mother tongue... but love knows no language! i truly love you so so so so so much junpei!!! i truly do!!!! i cherish you everyday and hold you so dearly in my heart!!! i’ve never loved someone so much as i love you, and I’m so glad it’s you who taught me how to love someone this much! i hope we will be more years together, you will always be my one and only. i truly love you so much i don’t have enough words to say it.

you are home to me, junpei. i think about you and i feel warm and safe; you are the place i return to whenever things are bad and i have nowhere to go. you are my happy place. you will always be.

loves you dearly,

mag

[icharchivist]

Lavi anon: whoa thanks so much for the epic long reply. I love everything about it! Some stuff definitely caused me to think new things (so much I won't remember everything). 1st thing, The way I've always interpreted Roads Nightmare was that she accessed Lavi's dreams and let Lavi become his worst enemy letting all his fears fight back. Road meanwhile played a passive role by hiding in Allen. Afterall she didn't control bookmanJr. That was Lavi warring against his own mind. BookmanJr stuck-

2 around even after Lavi had stabbed Road. BookmanJr in my opinion was the one controlling the dream (thanks to Road, in return she controlled the body) trying to punish the part of him going astray. But BookmanJr (like you said) accepted Lavi and him were the same person when BJr heard Allen’s calls and tried to sacrifice himself to save his friend. But that’s my interpretation of Lavi’s worst fears and how even BJr couldn’t distort how Lavi sees Allen (you know it never occured to me how -

3 messed up it must have been for Lavi to stab dream Allen. Road could have been bias, but you’re right in that she could have seen how unchanged Allen was compared to the other’s and assumed Lavi would have treated dream Allen differently). 

(cutting it one mins again) first thank you for the nice word

Second, actually you’re right. I gave Road maybe a little too much credit on how much she manipulated the situation but considering the final manologue of how “Lavi” convinces “Bookman JR” you’re completely right: it was indeed more his internal self talking. 

I do think Road nudged a few things around. But it does lessen how much of her impact it was. And it says a lot about Lavi that this is how his fears manifests itself. How for everyone else in teh order it’s how much they’d judge him for him thinking of them like that, and all and so forth, but for Allen, what breaks him, is just how much of his emotional attachement to Allen was something his “duty self” had to reject and the fear of that one loss broke Lavi. 

But therefore if it’s really just Lavi’s fears coming out, Road probably only went into Allen because after seeing Lavi’s fears he knew she would be safer there. Like… if Road had all controle over the dreams and how she nudged it, she wouldn’t have just have let her Bias for Allen put her in a vulnerable situation. If we go with your interpretation (which the more i think about it, the more i think it’s accurate) it means Road saw the way Lavi wouldn’t even get to hurt Allen in those fears.  And you have also a point: considering how the nightmare evolved, i think perhaps the fears showed themselves by layers. And considering in the first layers, the first nightmares, Allen didn’t appear, Road probably put one and one together knowing that Allen would dig deeper into Lavi’s fears and consciousness. And now i’m sad.

It also says a lot about how much Lavi’s duty is challenged by Allen that it became the One “Ink” worth taking out. Worth killing by his duty self. Like in those fears it also acknowledge how this affection for Allen is the biggest risk against his duty. Guuuh it’s making me even sadder but that makes sense considering how it’s his grief about Allen that got called out by Bookman. (I think it’s a question of bad timing, but Bookman beat Lavi up with how he doesn’t need a heart over Allen’s loss, when Lenalee is crying for him - when Lenalee almost dies, there is no real time to lecture Lavi over his duty. Sure Lavi was still thinking about it,the whole thing was started in his mind, but Bookman didn’t act on it again due to the others stuff that kept happening. So even if this affection extended to Lenalee it was Allen who was the catalyst and therefore “the risk” in his nightmare. Funny enough considering Lenalee’s involvement in his nightmare were that her helplessness and how Lavi wanted to help her could be his downfall (but it wasn’t)- that echo how he was seeing the Lenalee’s situation on the boat. while Allen’s situation is fully on loss and it breaks him. Man. That hurts once put into that perspective.

Oh man Lavi’s right. No matter how much darkness ensnares Allen he’s such a creature of the light. Even kids see it better then adults. Timothy adores Allen. That girl Allen rescued in the Alma Arc thought his star was lucky. Another girl mistook Allen for-4 angel. It gets deeper when you realize a part of Lavi stopped emotionally/mentally aging when he became bookman jr and is the one who identifies Allen as dazzling Light. Even Kanda is getting in on being mesmerized by Allen’s white light image going by his expression from the last chap (Kanda’s 9 so…). I feel like Lavi’s observation was both a foreshadowing and resigned fear of losing Allen. Allen’s probably the best thing he’s ever recorded but he knows the natural state of the universe-5 is darkness with light only coming from sources. Humanity’s biggest light right now for Lavi is Allen. But even stars go out and Lavi probably wonders how long will Allen’s light shine for others until Allen himself goes out. I agree. Lavi is defintely overprotective at times. He freaked over Lenalee several times and during the Ark ark Allen was his main concern. Always staying close and getting jumpy when Noah attacked him. I’ll stop for now but I do love how Allen affected Lavi. X)

Nonny i love u and yes this is perfect. 

And tbh you have a point with especially resonating with children (although low blow for Kanda. Completely true and deserved and needed low blow but still). but it’s true that when “Lavi” gets to hear Allen’s voice and reason for a last time with his Bookman self against Road, his Bookman self turns back to a child. I think it meant a lot of having to face the values that had him start to be a Bookman to begin with. it’s apparently a decision Lavi took when he was 6 after all, before humanity made him numb to the “elder self” level. I think getting back to his Child self was a way to face back what were his original intentions by becoming a Bookman, trying to reconnect with that after years of losing yourself to cynism. But indeed it does create also an ongoing thing with younger people being carried away by Allen’s light in general and feeling hope in it.

But yes agreed, Lavi’s mention was really both foreshadowing and resigned fear of losing Allen. I think Lavi knows at this point, from almost losing Allen that it is something that will happen.

tbh even if we know Allen was “lost to his darkness” with Nea coming out, for Lavi, litterally, Allen “died” trying to save Suman after all. 

OKAY SO WAIT so as i was answering that i rewent to from chapter 55 to Allen’s death to notice what I wanted to say so: 

Timcanpy leaves VERY LATe the Tyki VS Allen showdown, and we know he recorded everything, so this is how much he saw. But here’s what happened:

Tyki killed Suman, making him explode from the butterflies. Allen was seriously injuried from the fight, right, and had to process all of that. Tyki eventually realizing who it was, started to show off his power: said Tease was only a weapon and he showed Allen how he could kill him, by tearing his heart out (so the whole scene of Tyki getting through Allen, litterally, and threatening to take his warm heart out, was reccorded by Timcanpy). THEN, Tyki destroys Allen’s innocence, STILL IN FRONT OF TIMCANPY (so that was reccorded). He also checks his hitman card to make sure and confirms that Allen is on his “to kill” list. But most importantly:The reason Tim left was that, while Tyki destroyed Allen’s innocence first, then headed to Suman’s, specifically talking about how he was looking to destroy the Heart. Allen knew at that point that he was on Tyki’s hit list. At this point, his innocence had already been destroyed, he saw Tyki’s destructive powers, and was too weak to try to fight back anyway.And what does Allen do? He asks Timcanpy to take Suman’s innocence and bring it back to the boat. Allen’s last action was to protect the innocence one last time. That’s what was recorded.

And also something I’ve never noticed until i looked for it but you know who is the first character we focus back on when Tyki is “killing” Allen? When Timcanpy leaves? Who is the first character from the boat we see again?

this is what serves as a transition from Timcanpy leaving Allen’s side to warn people on the boat, right before Allen gets killed. It’s Lavi who starts this “transition”. 

also this is right before they find Tim and I might need to scream at this reaction. Before being sure he died, he clentches his teeth remembering him and his kindness toward Suman before trying to believe that they will find them. He actually went througha  bit of denial there  g o d. I completely forgot. (also not helping the “memory effect” looks like it is fading away, a bit like light)

the point I wanted to make when i checked those out tho is that: Allen died “for the light” in a way. He died trying to protect, to save, and he spent his last minutes protecting the Innocence. In a way I can see why Lavi fears the Light swallowing allen more than the darkness: because to him, he saw Allen’s kindness taking him away. That Light that everyone sees in Allen, it had taken him away. 

Allen is a star, a light that is shining through and you’re entierely right: even those lights are doomed to fade away. And Lavi is aware of that, if only because it happened once. But he cannot hold hope for Allen even if he cares for this life. But ye at this point Allen is probably the best thing Lavi saw in his life and it hurts to think about how he might lose it at any moment like he already did.

And you’re right he does get overprotective, especially toward Lenalee and Allen. It still kills me that during the whole ark’s arc, while he remains mostly quiet, he spends most of his time stuck to Allen. It’s like,, dude,,, com’on,, you’re so scared to lose him again and you don’t even realize. He even felt for Allen when the Jasdebi were being vicious with him.

Man Lavi you care so much u fool. 

Everything about Lavi breaks my heart.

Take care!