#anyways it might not be explicitly being in love
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my aftg hot takes
most of these are pretty lukewarm but i'm gonna get flamed for them anyway but whatever. spoilers ??? ahead ??? idk read at ur own risk
i don't think andreil ever say i love you to each other; i feel like the discourse about this is virtually endless ever since nora said it but honestly her explanation was so valid??? they're such a show not tell couple it just makes so much sense for them to show the "i love you" in their actions than ever saying the words out loud. esp bc neither of them have ever really heard those words and have them mean anything real or true or actually loving. personally i think their little percentages and the "i hate you"'s and kisses and keys mean more to them than an "i love you" ever could. i'm not a purist on this tho i do think i could visualise it happening maybe somewhere along the road i just think nora's explanation for this is very very in line with canon andreil.
i don't hate thea muldani; i've made a post abt this but basically my thoughts around her are literally just: she's a human being, and she's never gonna be perfect. i also find it very...interesting how the fandom likes to flame thea (an explicitly stated woman of colour) for being "problematic" and a "terrible person/character" when she doesn't act all that different from andrew, neil and kevin (white men) ??? idk it seems a little strange to me bc she seems pretty on par with them on whatever moral compass this batshit crazy fandom has decided to impose on these fictional and very much morally ambiguous characters. anyway go check out my post i go a lot deeper into thea's character and why she does a lot of things wrong but i don't rlly think she's deserving of the insane amounts of hate she gets in the fandom.
i don't think andreil ever get married; this MIGHT be me projecting bc the idea of marriage is just a very complicated and rough concept in my mind but also just i feel like there's something so beautiful about andreil never really putting a label on their relationship??? like they never define it by calling the other their "boyfriend" or "husband" they just are. they have nothing "concrete" binding them like a marriage certificate but they choose to stay with each other through everything. idk it's real to me but again i'm not a purist people can do whatever they want.
i've said it before but i'll keep saying it till enough people hear me: the aftg fandom mischaracterises literally the main fucking characters; i'm mostly talking about andrew and ESPECIALLY neil here bc neil is not a sweet, sunshiney, oblivious, blushy softboy and andrew is not a cold, unemotional, stoic, "conceal don't feel" stone. since i've already bitched on and on about neil's mischaracterisation let's just talk about andrew for a sec. i think andrew is actually a deeply emotional person and is fully aware of the feelings he experiences. does he vocalise or express them often? no but more often than not they show themselves anyway. him crashing out after neil was kidnapped, letting himself get walked like a dog by neil for three books straight, choking allison for slapping aaron, idk i could go on. but yeah you get it.
i don't actually think neil is that oblivious; before people come at me like "but nora said!" or whatever yeah, i know she said he's as dense as a brick when it comes to people flirting with him. considering how much of the ec the aftg fandom likes to disregard allow me to disregard this little bit of it, yeah? this isn't me tryna impose my own projections onto nora's characters, this is lit just me tryna explain how i understand neil josten (he's my bsf btw). he literally clocks his feelings for andrew in trk (after his deep convo⢠with nicky) but he just files it away for later bc he doesn't consider attraction or romantic interest anything to be thinking about considering he's got the mafia and his serial killer dad on his tail. i also don't really blame him for not catching onto andrew's feelings earlier (tho doesn't he get pretty fucking close during that one convo they have in exites in trk???? someone correct me if i'm wrong but) bc dude andrew was out here sending fucking mixed ass signals like bro was saying "you are a pipe dream" and "i hate you" in the same fucking conversations like??? neil has always taken andrew at face value and he's not about to question him now. he's also never confused or uncertain about nicky or marissa and what their comments about him meant, he just genuinely does not gaf about them so he doesn't acknowledge them or pay them any attention in his narration. i truly truly think his dismissal of all the advances made upon him in aftg were borne out of indifference, not obliviousness.
have already said this in detail but i don't think andrew's actually a misogynist; the wording doesn't feel right. i'd probably describe andrew's distrust of women (esp. those in motherly/mother roles) as a similar ingrained wariness that neil has for older men. this is something borne out of trauma and shitty experiences that takes time and trust to unlearn. nora says a lot of things the fandom disregards and for me, this is one of those things i'm a little iffy about. misogyny actually isn't reflected in andrew's actions at all, i'd say. does he respect women? no. but he doesn't respect anyone unless they've actually earned it. and among the people he does respect and care for there are women (renee, bee). he doesn't treat women any differently and obv doesn't think they're any weaker than men are (considering renee wipes the floor w him their first sparring sesh). andrew's an equal opportunity hater and i don't think he actually has any sexist or even misogynistic tendencies. i think what is there is just a slightly biased worldview of disliking/mistrusting mother figures, given his bad experiences w tilda and cass (they've left him w more long-term emotional damage that's probably rlly difficult and complicated for him to work through esp considering cass did love??? him and he did want her enough to be willing to suffer dr*ke to be close to her; there's more to it but for the sake of word count i won't go into it) but honestly it doesn't actually show that much??? if people wanna say he hates women, sure, but for one, he doesn't hate a lot of things he's just very indifferent to them and two, he holds a pretty similar apathetic distaste for most people and things, so it's not like a very big distinction. i also think the whole "no girls" thing w aaron was very much a personal thing, and his mistrust of katelyn probably came from aaron's past (apparently negative) experiences w other girlfriends and friendships in general. and if i remember correctly the deal wasn't even "no girls" it was just "family only" which is why aaron didn't make friends w the rest of the foxes either. i digress but i don't think saying "andrew isn't a misogynist" is robbing him of any nuance as a character.
i like nicky and honestly feel similarly towards him as i do about thea; he isn't perfect and never will be and i think while the way he acts towards neil and others (see: matt, kevin) is pretty untoward and inappropriate, i also do see where he's coming from, esp after aaron's explanation of it. that it's a defence mechanism coming from someone who's experienced a lot of prejudice and harm because of his sexuality. obv i think everyone can agree his assault on neil was fucked up but i think nora was right in saying that nicky was high and drunk and not rlly in his right mind at the time, and he does apologise and i'm pretty sure she also said he and neil work it out privately anyway. he's a messy character and definitely not perfect queer rep but again, he's pretty realistic, and i think he's honestly a rlly well-written and complex character.
#defeated by the fucking word count again#born to yap forced to follow the word limit#zoe yaps#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#the sunshine court#tsc#andrew minyard#thea muldani#aaron minyard#nicky hemmick#andreil
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Heyyyyyyy I saw you answering some asks about requests and I can't believe I never requested anything. Could you write some RavioxShadow for me? <3 Anything with them being inssuferable in love lmao
For you? Anything you want! <3
It wasn't meant to last this long, he swears. But somewhere along the way, the merchant's unwavering kindness must have started to rub off on him; he didn't just 'trust' other people, not anymore at least. The plan was easy at first: lure the loser around, trick him into believing he was being taken to the Queen, steal the mirror and ditch him. But no matter how many stunts he pulled and how far he got away with it, he always ended up being dragged back and by the merchant's side. And he didn't say anything to him, even when he had all the right to. Instead, he was always offered a bowl of whatever was for dinner that night and Shadow always accepted it. By the time the Temple rises on the horizon, Shadow's minuscule, rotten heart had started to expand with the faintest movement akin to a heartbeat it knew. It was meek and weak; much like him in his incorporeal form. And it only got worse whenever Ravio so much as brushed their fingertips together when he handed the bowl over dinner time. For not trusting anymore, he sure got attached easily. Somewhere along the way, something had changed and he couldn't just ditch him anymore. No, he was happy to have somethi--someone to protect with his life again.
#drabble#ask#bringingtherain#rain#drabble requests#my writing#LU#LU Ravio#LU Shadow#Linked universe#-me going through my mental notes of that one post you made about how Ravio and Shadow end up together and#only remembering the I am ready to kill everyone in my room and then myself if something happens to the bunny bit#anyways it might not be explicitly being in love#what's even cheesier than deciding you're devoting yourself to your travel partner of two weeks LMAO???#hc shadow is a lesbian at heart and falls in love and is ready to move in together at two weeks lmao
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In honor of the @rw-ship-showdown I wanted to write about Artihunter as someone who jokingly slapped them together pre-downpour and still thinks they are actually very compelling. Just not in the super soft love wins kinda way (Although I get why people like that more) And the only way I know how to do that is talking too much so heres a far too long slug essay-
Obviously the slugcats don't offer a ton of characterization but theres not nothing to work with. Their stories, whether by their roles in it or the overarching themes do provide a backbone to work with. Even gameplay itself can provide a bit. (for some more than others) Hunter, to me, is ultimately a story about selflessness. The goal is to revive Moon, which is very much an act of kindness from both Hunter and NSH. But the weight of that action is much more significant for Hunter- Hunter is deeply sick. They're on the clock, and for all their skill in combat none of that will ultimately help them to survive longer than their body can hold out. Moon is a close friend of NSH but that means little Hunter- Hunter really gets next to nothing out of helping them, and ultimately pays quiet a bit spending their limited time alive fighting to deliver that neuron so that someone else can live.
To spend ones limited days on helping another, in a game that very much stresses the unwavering cruelty of the world and nature- is pretty notable. (And you could even say that Hunter being the Hardmode of Rain World adds another layer to this)
And then we have Artificer. A storyline that very much stands out to people as more⌠villainous (so to speak) than the other slugcats. Artificer's story covers a lot of things. Trauma, violence, revenge, etc. Revenge is a bit of a selfish desire- That need to see someone hurt as they have hurt you. A punishment that ultimately does not fix whatever harm was done- but feels good to see because you were hurt and now those responsible share that pain.
Artificer's actions are founded in that need for revenge, their pups killed for overstepping boundaries they didn't know existed. Is it not fair for them to be angry at that, to punish the scavengers for their violence with their own? Why should the scavengers ever be forgiven when they and their pups were not? And that's how you get that loop- Harm for harm over and over.
The original action has been lost in a spiral of violence for violence. And here stands Artificer- their very spirit scarred. Not just because they sought revenge, but because they never ceased trying to scratch that itch for violence as an answer. Artificer only has two paths for their story- killing the scavenger king (Someone who, really, has little to do with the original 'crime' of the scavengers, but represents an important individual to them- as did the slugpups to Artificer), locking themselves as karma one for good and spending the rest of their life chasing creatures that no longer even fight back in a warped sense of closure- or to dissolve themselves in the acids of the void sea because they're too far gone to find any real peace.
They can't meaningfully recover from that state, not alone, twisting in on themselves. Even if they halt their actions, they've been using violence as a feeble defense against their own pain- violence that no longer has any real direction or basis. Artificer gets no real closure from killing the scavenger king. All they can do is continue the cycle, or try to scrub it away. No real peace in a prison of their own making. So you have a creature, who even with a strict timer on their life- a body that will crumble to disease, spends its last bit of time on saving another. And another who was so caught up in the pain of loss that were eaten alive by their own anger, poisoned their own soul on such a deep level even self-proclaimed gods have no solution for them. What peace can they offer each other? For Hunter, its only a fleeting moment of happiness- of selfish love, before their own body fails them. A bit of indulgence in something for themself. For Artificer, its a single, comforting thread to ground them again, something tangible to protect and care about again. But thats a thread that will ultimately be snapped under the cruel indifference of the world. Hunters timer will tick down regardless of if it takes another with it. Its a tragedy- its doomed to end badly. Whatever good it offers to either of them to find each other will only provide the fleeting comfort of a band-aid that will be ripped away too early. But all that can be worth indulging in anyway, if only for the moment. It doesn't change the ending, but the ending was never going to be happy. Its can so yuri
#rain world#rw shipping#tagging that just cause this is explicitly about that even though I usually dont do shipping stuff#with that said i dont even think this particular interpretation of a possible dynamic needs to be romantic its just kinda#about companionship in general. companionship thats going to absolutely shred an already unstable slug emotionally but thats#the point. friendship and love in spite of the unavoidable ending#just noticed this is like 80% theme analysis and 20% 'these go together just trust me'#but also theyre both girls because i want them to and also because im channeling hornet from hollow knight#who made me so deeply ill that my rain world tags still havent outcompeted my Hk tags because i drew her so much. so so much.#hunter is hornet coded to me and artificer is like if angela and gebura from lc combined into a deeply fucked up ferret#also i did tag the poll because they kinda inspired this but also. i wasnt gonna put all this out here WITHOUT a readmore thats embarassing#but i guess this is propaganda for a ship already seen as popular but like... idk i think theres something to it even as someone#who did literally slap them together originally because they were both red slugcats i considered girls. predownpour so we didnt have anythi#anyway hi tag readers i have so much work to do im being bad by writing about gay slugs. i need to get myself together#its so late this might just be nonsense bwaaaaaaa
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quotes from alex turner's favourite authors that make me want to put my face through a wall:
"although i have never been an actor in the strict sense of the word, i have nevertheless, in real life, always carried about with me a small folding theatre" - vladimir nabokov, despair
"there is a terrible emptiness in me, an indifference that hurts," - albert camus
"there is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself" - raymond chandler
"at eight, he had once told his mother that he wanted to paint air" - vladimir nabokov
"no man ever understands quite his own artful dodges to escape from the grim shadow of self-knowledge" - joseph conrad
"everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it" - david foster wallace
"we're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. how else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing somebody we've never even met?" - david foster wallace
"i turn over a new leaf every day, but the blots show through" - keith waterhouse
"the truth will set you free. but not until it's finished with you" - david foster wallace
"curiosity is insubordination in its purest form" - vladimir nabokov
"i'm me and nobody else; and whatever people think i am or say i am, that's what i'm not, because they don't know a bloody thing about me" - alan sillitoe
"we live as we dream; aloneâ - joseph conrad
"i liked, as i like still, to make words look self-conscious and foolish, to bind them by mock marriage of a pun, to turn them inside out, to come upon them unwares" - vladimir nabokov, despair
"whatever you get paid attention to for is never what you think is most important about yourself" - david foster wallace
"i continued to stir my tea long after it had done all it could with the milkâ - vladimir nabokov, despair
"i remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind" - edgar allan poe
"all the information i have about myself is from forged documents" - vladimir nabokov, despair
"how odd i can have all this inside me and to you its just words" - david foster wallace
"you will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. you will never live if you're looking for the meaning of life" - albert camus
#all of these are from books/authors alex has explicitly mentioned being a fan of#god i wish he talked more about what he reads because i find the books and authors people are drawn to fascinating#it's such an insight into someone's psyche#then again maybe that's why he doesn't talk about it a lot - the books you love are quite a personal thing#but yeah#having read a few things i just thought i'd compile a little selection of quotes from his favourite books/authors that#idk - stuck out to me as being very alex#and it's safe to safe i have well and truly destroyed my own heart in the process#i also now absolutely have to read despair by vladimir nabokov#it's one of his that i haven't read but i had a little flick through it and oh my god i can totally see why alex is so into it#this list was almost entirely just quotes from that book#there are SO MANY that are just painfully alex#(in my mind anyway)#anyway#enough rambling from me#i might have to do a part two of this at some point#alex turner#arctic monkeys#lulu posts
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i love my sister and for the most part, we are very close and genuinely like each other a lot but the one place where i'd just really, really, really like to see inside her brain is the part where she is still incredibly comfortable and cheerfulâand even thinks it's really funnyâtalking about how much she didn't like me as a child while I'm like. yes. I am and was aware. and it sucked so so so much
#we had a really wild moment over dinner last week where she actually acknowledged#EXPLICITLY with her OWN WORDS#that things like our brother dying right when i was going into my senior yr of high school#and covid lockdown starting right when i'd graduated college + moved to a new city where i knew no one except her + was applying/auditionin#for jobs#were harder on me than one her in some unique ways#and i was literally like . is. is this a test? am i supposed to deny it?#bc like when our brother died she told me i was a selfish brat (for not grieving the way she did)#and during covid she told me (right after i got laid off) that she had ''way more reasons to be depressed'' than i did#personal#anyway she was laughing so much as she said this (abt not liking me) and i was just staring at her nodding slightly like#yeah. i know. i know you didn't like me#do YOU know how much it sucks to know that your older sister--whom you idolize--who you *desperately* want to like you--#not only doesn't like you at all#but even up into high school/college#would talk about how she couldn't wait till our LITTLE (five year old) cousins were old enough to hang because they'd be so much fun#and know that she had absolutely never thought or said that about you#do you perhaps! think that might still have ramifications on our relationship to this day#if your little sister spent 20+ years knowing that your love was conditional on them being the person you wanted her to be#like. do u???#(the answer is no of course but#i remain boggled by the fact that this eludes her considering she is! in fact! a really smart person!)#it's also like when i was first offered my current job#and our now bosses asked both of us like ''are you worried at all about working with your sister?''#and she laughed like lol no of course not?#while i was like ''honestly yes.'' adskjfglkjasds#very different perspectives sometimes
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Ripping off EAH is a bad idea. The makers WILL sue!!
Bold of you to assume that Mattel cares about the franchise they gave up on. It's not even a candidate for rebooting like Monster High.
Also can we stop acting like EAH was some treasured passion project of a struggling indie developer or something? It's owned by Mattel! The company that just put out the Barbie movie! The company literally could not be doing better.
Besides. âDaughter of the Queen of Heartsâ and âdaughter of Cinderellaâ arenât copyrighted by Mattel (in fact, Darling Charming isnât the daughter of Cinderella! The EAH Charming family specifically has no relation to Cinderella.) Thereâs enough established in Descendants to argue that all similarities are just coincidence. Sporty girls with swords? Done before (see: Lonnie in the second movie.) Besides, Lizzie and Darling never actually had an adventure together I think...
There's also that Ever After High isnât the only âschool for children of fairy talesâ there is. There's The School for Good and Evil (a six-book series likely more well-known for an astoundingly subpar Netflix adaptation) and Regal Academy, among others. EAH vs. Descendants aside, no company *owns* the idea of âschool for fairy-tale/public-domain characters kids.â
Which, yes, literally all the parents of EAH are public domain. Disney had the opportunity for using Disney trademark names like Maleficent, Lady Tremaine, etc. but their character bases are still public domain (Sleeping Beautyâs 13th fairy and Cinderellaâs stepmother, respectively.) Descendants also gets to involve some Disney-specific tales like 101 Dalmatians. But EAH also got to pull in some tales that Disney never covered, like Jack and the Beanstalk (...whatever happened to that Gigantic movie?), Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and Thumbelina.
Also if you expect me to believe that some EAH designs werenât Disney ripoffs to begin with, no. Because look at this:
This is original concept art for Rosabella Beauty, daughter of Beauty and the Beast! But wanna see what she looks like in the actual cartoon?
Oh would you look at that!!! I wonder why they gave her brown hair suddenly but so clearly wanted to keep the yellow scheme! Couldn't possibly be because they wanted people to think of Disney's Belle, right?????
And also:
Purple? Check. High collar? Check. Menacing accessories? Check. Significant widow's peak with spiky crown? Double check. Also Raven's actual mother in the series looks like this:
And not actually, you know, like Raven.
EAH was also relying on a healthy handful of Disney ripoff designs to get their characters noticed. It shows. Not to mention the entirety of Epic Winter clearly banking on the Frozen craze because it didn't even get "The Snow Queen" story right.
(And sure, Descendants featured some designs that were a little bit too close to EAH, see: Mal's purple Cotillion gown vs. Raven's Thronecoming gown, evil!Audrey's entire color scheme compared to Spring Unsprung Briar, etc.)
Doesn't mean that mocking it is a classy move on Disney's part, but unless they're stupid enough to straight-up use a patented name from EAH, I highly doubt Mattel can or will do anything about it.
#eah also sucked i don't know why people act like its superior#it might have ran for longer but the continuity still suffered#that being said. BOTH FRANCHISES ARE DIFFERENT AND HAVE THEIR OWN GOOD POINTS#both franchises were also made for children and not meant to be examined with critical thinking skills lol#anyways. for the best version of either read 'the school for good and evil' books by soman chainini!#love spells are explicitly useless and the main couple actually has a believable plot#trauma!!! is actually discussed/talked about!!!!!#...if you can stand sophie's arrogance that is
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an incomplete list of things I thought were pretty obvious bc I'm feeling petty
The jedi being about processing your emotions and grief and being able to work through the feelings in a healthy way
Odysseus being a rape victim
#choosing violence#Might be wacking the hornets nest lads but#I'm feeling petty and strongly about being right#An incomplete list of things I thought were obvious I will be adding to this as the mood strikes#Like okay first off everybody's entitled to their own opinion even if they're wrong ones so#This isn't exactly directed towards anyone I've just seen a lot of bad faith takes that have pisse me off#And most of the time I'm a we don't need to explicitly spell things out for the audience#But then I see some truly magnificent bullshit and then I have to see some in depth analysis that's just#So very wrong#And like it's fine to be so off course from the original story and to be yes and and what ifing a story#That's actually a lot of fun#But that's different then what actually happens in Canon yah know#Anyway guess who saw back to back posts about how actually odysseus loved his time as a sex slave#And how the jedi brought about and deserved their own slaughter#Gonna call this the saw some bullshit list#Saw some bullshit list#the odyssey#Star wars#Tw: rape
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Who the heck let that liar say when Iâd be updating chapters
(its me iâm the liar)
#The Darkside Detective#darkside detective#mcdooley#Chapter 9 is fun there's so many milestones today#Raxa gets to show up. She hasn't done that yet#and also like#It's an extremely MIllie-centric chapter#So Millie enjoyers rejoice I suppose#especially because I feel like this'll probably be her last major appearance#For Gateway anyway#I onno genuinely if people want me to I might do some pre-canon loosies with the McQueen fam#because. I love them#Also it'll give me an excuse to actually do things with the jokes for them I file away in my brain that I can't use!#Because there's nowhere to put them!#'careful francis. the milk's about to go bad' *beat* 'there it goes'#Also like. Hi Millie being explicitly gay for Patricia? that's me that's *projection*#I just. I really like moms.#Hi thanks for tuning in to your regularly unscheduled tag rambling!#Hopefully chapter 10 can go up in time for Gateway's two year anniversary (<- Pipe dream)#hey wait what the fuck when did this get to be almost two years old
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Just glimpsed the cover of People magazine (I can read it free with kindle unlimited, sometimes I like to see what entertainment the old folks and straights are into, donât @ me) and itâs Prince Harry with an inset picture of King Chuck and the headline The Real Reason Theyâre No Longer Speaking. It really sums up the sincere readership as the kind of folks that write advice column letters asking why their ungrateful adult children (and most of their peersâ adult children) have gone no-contact, as though itâs a trend and something their offspring do to spite them that has absolutely nothing to do with them and their parenting in any way, shape or form.
#Iâd like to state for the record that i was well ahead of the curve having gone no-contact with my father in 2001#both of my folks have shuffled off this mortal coil and i miss my mother but yâknow#whatever about the old boy#i know this might sound harsh to people with loving parents but if you know you know#you donât have to be in contact with a person who dehumanized and abused you instead of caring for you#providing a roof over a childâs head is not a complete sentence nor the extent of a parentâs duty#even if it was âjustâ emotional detachment and lack of involvement that still warrants not having to keep a relative in your life#though most people i know who have gone NC had explicitly abusive parents/siblings i just wanted to state that it includes emotional absence#anyway if calling your mother hurts because she never asks about you and talks about your siblings all the time#or it never feels like youâre good enough and your father says heâs ashamed of you for not living up to his expectations#yâknow⌠fuck âem#you might have a therapist or mentor or someone who suggests playing nice or forgiving them#and they mean well but in the end forgiveness is for you and if you donât have a connection with them you donât have to do that#i never forgave my father to his face#just made peace with him being a complete stranger to me#and Iâm doing pretty well with it actually#that is my situation and yours may vary#but if youâve never considered that you donât actually have to pick up the slack or take the high road and be the better person#Iâm just giving you permission to think about it#one internet stranger with a shitty dad to potentially another#and remember once your shitty dad dies you no longer have to pay dues to the shitty dads club#anyway love you fellow survivors! bye! âĽď¸
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstatedâand that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isnât a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demonâs appetite. mithrunâs wish, as far as we can figure from kabruâs reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. thatâs delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "ćłăäşş" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the twoâŚ
the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interestâthe bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time sheâs given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, sheâs drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the âwhat if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?â/âthen the dungeon lord is unstableâ exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. heâs so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i⌠doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the âuntrustworthyâ comment. the dungeonâs conjured illusion of mithrunâs love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while itâs definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiorityâhe sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun#dungeon meshi#this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme#half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is#someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality#his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though#he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on#wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once#snakes#long post#severe problems#meshy
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each man's mad desire
General Marcus Acacius x F!Reader
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Marcus Acacius is a conqueror. You invite him to conquer you.
Word Count: 3.8k
Tags: marcus fucks a nymph, predator/prey, knifeplay, blood, thigh riding, rough sex, sorta consensual-non-consent? Reader very explicitly wants him and invites him to hunt her down. Marcus has an unfashionably huge dick.
A/N: I swore I wasn't going to write for another character from an unreleased film, yet here we are. I loved studying Classics, so there are easter eggs within for those familiar with mythology. "Nymph" is more Greek than Roman, but it's also the better-known version of the word. Barcinus is a completely made-up cognomen for him (from the Latin name for Barcelona). Ichor is a Greek concept, but too delicious not to borrow here. Big dicks really were considered unattractive - it was a sign of barbarism to have a big penis. Title from Book IX of The Aeneid. Painting is 'The Charmer' by John William Waterhouse. (ao3)
The battle is won, the men are settled, and General Marcus Acacius is restless. He wears the efforts of the day in the blood and grime and sand coating his skin, the ache in his muscles. The city is retaken. The barbarians have been slaughtered or captured. He knows he should rest.
And yet, he wanders.
The camp is close by the beach. As he walks, the sound of the army behind him fades away, drowned out by the sound of the sea. The inviting aroma of the campfires and roasting meat is replaced by the smell of salt. There are sentries out here, somewhere in the night. He pays them no mind; he wishes to be alone. Grass turns to sand underfoot and still Acacius walks on. At the edge of the sea, he pauses briefly.
Across the Great Sea, to the east, stands Rome. Itâs veiled by darkness and distance, but he turns to look for it anyway. He misses it the way a loyal son misses a beloved father. Word of a great victory will travel before him, the whispers moving faster than any army can.
When he returns home, he hopes he will be warmly welcomed. Those seeking to ride his skirts into Imperial favour will doubtless fall over themselves to praise him, at least. They will preen and flatter, and he will nod humbly and thank them.
âThe Gods were with me.â It is always his answer, when asked of his victories. It is a clean answer. Men praise him for his piety; they do not imagine the lives he has sacrificed, the atrocities he has committed, the horrors of sacking a city. The Gods were with him; he does not have to speak of loosing his men like feral dogs upon innocents, of slaughtering barbarian sons so they cannot grow up to seek their vengeance on Rome.
Acacius turns and walks down the beach, leaving the camp behind him. The silvery light of the stars and moon light his path along the coast. He simply enjoys being away from all others, the crash of the waves and his own footsteps the only noise he can hear. The ground to his right begins to rise, soft grass yielding to rock. He has no sense of how long he has walked for when the beach before him suddenly ends. The shoreline curves sharply inward, creating a rocky inlet.
He has no desire to turn back now. Perhaps the path reemerges on the other side. He follows the curve of the stone inward. Ahead, he can see the path sloping down towards the waterline, leading towards the dark mouth of a cave. The tide is coming in; the water at the entrance to the grotto must be at least knee-deep.
Acacius is turning to leave when he notices her.
The inlet in the rock forms a pool at the entrance to the cave. Even in the silvery moonlight, the water looks beautiful and clear. It should not surprise him that a maiden might come to bathe there, away from prying eyes.
For it is a maiden that stops him in his tracks, fixes his boots to the stone. Her back is turned to him; she is perched atop a rock, her bare feet dangling in the saltwater of the pool. Now that he is aware of her, he thinks he hears her singing over the sounds of the waves, a melody he does not recognise.
An honourable man would depart. Acacius can only see her back, but she must be noble. Her dress is so white it is almost blinding, even in the starlight. Her feet are bare, but he spies a pair of finely-wrought sandals on the rocks beside her. Certainly a noble lady then.
His mind is made up to leave.
And at that very moment, she turns.
***
You had not expected to be discovered. Perhaps you might have toyed with him if you had. You could have disguised yourself as a maiden in need of assistance, a princess cast ashore by a shipwreck. There are endless amusements to be found among the mortals.
Yet he has stumbled upon your grotto quite by accident, and from your first glimpse, he intrigues you.
Marcus Acacius Barcinus.
Something whispers his name to you; you know it as soon as you see him, just as you know he has dark hair threaded with grey. You allow a smile to play on your lips.
To his credit, this man does not move. Confronted with something so nakedly celestial, other men have lost their minds. What is it for a man to look upon the face of the divine? They do not always survive it. This one seems strong. He may yet survive you.
âHail, noble General,â you start, turning in your seat on the rock so you may face him more directly. He is a handsome one. His lovely dark eyes drink you in from head to toe.
âYou know me?â He manages after a moment. Not mad then, not yet anyway. You laugh, and he seems startled by the sound.
âI do.â Sliding off the rock you step into the water, your stola clinging to your skin. âGeneral Marcus Acacius Barcinus, son of Gaius Acacius. Your piety is known.â He is always attentive with his sacrifices. You can smell the burning flesh and spilled wine dedicated to the heavens from here, in honour of his latest victory.
You take a few steps towards him. Heâs still atop the rocky crest, almost looking down on you. You near the base of the slope, your skirts drying the moment they leave the water, and halt again. The mouth of the grotto is to your back; you can hear the lap of the waves echoing against the rocky walls.
âAnd which noble goddess do I have the honour of addressing?â He asks. You have many names, too many to sift through. A mortal wrote you into a poem once; you give him the name the poet gave you.
âI had not thought ever to look upon a nymph before.â There is something in the way he says it; a tone of disbelief colouring his voice. Itâs as though he expects to wake up in his tent at any moment. In the dark violet light of twilight, the blood on his skin looks brown and rusty. You can almost taste the iron on the air.
âAre you content merely to look?â You ask him, a sly smile on your lips. You already know he is not. This man is a conqueror, and he is looking at you with all the intensity and desire of a man set upon conquest. He does not speak for a long moment. Perhaps he is afraid of offending you, of saying the wrong thing and finding himself transformed into a pig or sea foam.
You walk a little closer to him, emerging from the water. Closer now, the smell of him drowning out the salt of the sea. He reeks of man, of blood and sweat and such pure vitality you nearly stagger. Heâs so breathtakingly alive. If all mortal men are thus, you understand why your sisters seek them out and take them to bed, even bear their children.
âI admire a man who knows how to take what he desires. A conqueror in all things,â you continue, feeling the warmth of his gaze as he watches the sway of your hips. Once you are an armâs length away from him, you reach out. You cannot help it. Heâs such a marvellous specimen of manhood, the kind that ought to be honoured with a kingdom or a divine son or his form traced in the stars.
He does not stop you when you rest your palm against the leather of his cuirass. Itâs warm to the touch, whether from the heat of his body or a day of the sun beating down upon it. The black leather has a gilded womanâs face across the front; Minerva perhaps. It gives you pause. If he values Minerva and her strategies above Mars and his frenzy, he may not enjoy your games.
Nevertheless, you will not let the tastes of mortal men unnerve you. He watches you as you undo the knot at one shoulder, and wordlessly reaches to help you. Together, the two of you free him from his heavy armour. As he sets it down gently against the rock, you nearly choke on him. You can hear the thrum of his heart, smell the salt of his sweat, the iron in his blood.
You have never starved. Yet this conqueror of men is like being blessed with a feast and realising for the first time that you have been dying of hunger all your life. Freed from his heavy leathers, you step so closely to him that your glimmering white dress brushes against his filthy red tunic. You reach out to cup his jaw, enjoying the way his skin feels to your touch.
He swallows thickly, his lovely eyes searching your face.
âI want you.â He says it simply, though you know it must have taken courage. Men have died for such insults before. You let a smile curl around your lips. Â
âMars himself had my maidenhead. I do not submit easily to the advances of men.â Standing on tiptoe, you lean in until your lips nearly touch the shell of his ear. âIf you want me, you will have to take me.â
Itâs all the prompting you give him before you turn and run.
You run down the beach, back the way he came. You have more powerful kin who could outrun him with ease, if they chose. Minerva could be a continent away in moments, if she chose. You do not have their same powers; you might be fleeter of foot than a mortal woman, but you cannot transform yourself into a swan and fly back to the heavens.
Behind you, you hear Acaciusâ feet pounding against the sand. The noise blurs with the roar of his heartbeat, thumping harder as he chases you. You run faster, pulling your skirts up with one hand so they cannot tangle around your legs. It has been far too long since you felt this exhilarated. Off in the distance, you can see the lights of his camp, the torches and bonfires burning brightly in the twilight.
You lose yourself to the chase, paying the distance no mind as you race down the beach. Sand flies up beneath your bare feet, gritty under your toes as you run. Something in you wants to turn around, to see if the handsome general is still close behind you. You can hear him well enough to know he is behind you, but not well enough to gauge the distance.
You donât look. You only run.
Even though you had invited the hunt, desperately hoping to be caught, the hand that catches your waist surprises you. He seizes you by the waist and tackles you into the sand, pinning you beneath his muscular bulk. The feeling of being trapped sends a perverse thrill racing through you, something warm stirring in your belly.
Though he has caught you, you do not give in so easily.
You thrash underneath him, trying to throw him off you. Acacius is unyielding. His large hands grip your arms; his knees squeeze at your sides. You get one arm free and bring it up. Youâre not sure what you intend to do; you donât want to break him. Scratch him, perhaps? You never get the chance to find out.
Before you see him move, he seizes your arm and pins your wrist beneath his foot. One hand flies to your throat; the other draws a dagger from its sheath and holds the point against the swell of your breast.
For a long moment, you cannot breathe. The large hand at your throat squeezes just enough to threaten a loss of air. The foot on your wrist makes the delicate bones there grind together on just the right side of pleasure-pain. And oh, the blade at your heart. The tip pierces your skin and you donât know whether to scream or cry or vomit from the shock.
You have never been so still in your life.
When has anything mortal ever pierced your skin? When has anything mortal managed to cut through the skin of your kith and kin? You have vague memories; bandaging Marsâ side after the great spearman Diomedes struck him outside Ilium. You watch in horror and awe as a bead of ichor seeps from the pinprick wound. Mars has made you bleed before, but you never thought a mortal might draw your glittering, golden blood.
You look up at him, your conqueror. He is panting hard, but his face shows no exhaustion; only determination. His eyes are nearly black with desire, and his lovely black and grey curls are damp with sweat. Gods, you want him. You want him to hunt you down as he would a deer, to throw you down and take you like some common mortal whore.
Watching you closely, Acacius eases his grip on your throat. A man used to gauging the weakness of his enemies has seen right through you in turn. He knows you do not need air to breathe. He knows he has done something astounding in the knife at your breast. He holds it steady as he reaches beneath the skirts of his tunic, pulling at the strings of his underthings. He pulls it free with a grunt and discards it beside you in the sand.
Free from its confinement, his manhood pushes against the skirt of his tunic. Something low in your belly twists in anticipation, slick coating the insides of your thighs. Your blood feels as though itâs boiling beneath your skin as Acacius grips the fine cloth of your stola in one filthy hand.
âYou are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes upon,â he tells you, in all sincerity. You tremble underneath him as he pushes your skirts up around your waist, another bead of ichor welling up around the tip of the blade.
You gasp as the metal shifts, and his eyes flick to your face. Almost lovingly, his hand wraps around your throat again.
âDo you yield?â When no reply is immediately forthcoming, he presses his advantage. The hand at your throat and foot at your wrist push harder; more glittering blood beads at your breast. The surface tension finally breaks, sending the blood dripping down towards your neck.
âI yield.â In an instant, he relaxes his hold. The foot on your wrist disappears, as does the blade. The hand on your throat remains, tipping your head up so he can kiss you. He kisses like his master, Mars; hard and demanding. You return the kiss with bruising intensity, nipping at his lower lip. It seems only fair that you make him bleed a little, in turn.
His beard prickles against your skin, and you answer it by sliding your hand into his curls and pulling roughly. Acacius groans against your mouth, crushing himself closer to you and forcing your legs apart with his knee. His muscular thigh presses against your bare cunt, the pressure sending liquid fire dancing through your body. You rut up against his thigh eagerly, your slick smearing against his skin.
Acacius notices your movements, breaking off the kiss to stare at you. The raw lust in his eyes makes you keep going, rocking your hips desperately against him. His thigh flexes between your legs, and you groan loudly. Without taking his eyes off you, his hand drifts to cup your breast, tantalisingly close to the tiny wound on your unblemished skin.
âAre you going to stab me again, slayer of men?â You ask him, tauntingly. You wouldnât mind if he did.
âNo, dear mistress. Iâll watch you debase yourself on my thigh.â Oh, you want to keep him. Your sisters have kept mortals before; you remember well the fuss around sweet Hylas, cunning Ulysses. Your conqueror finds your nipple through the fine material of your dress, the flesh stiffening beneath his fingers as he toys with you.
Your hips roll easier, faster as you sink deeper into your pleasure. Every glide becomes slicker as you soak his skin. Itâs been some time since youâve so blatantly sought your own pleasure, and you welcome it back eagerly. That familiar tension is coiling tightly in your belly and sends you spiralling higher with every movement.
Acacius watches you with fascination. His own pleasure is forgotten for the moment, though you suppose he is enjoying this. Something divine rubbing against him like a cat in heat; no man alive would believe him if he told them. Your breath comes in short, sharp gasps and you clutch at Acaciusâ wrist to ground yourself. Heâs so solid and warm to your touch; his vitality is unlike any aphrodisiac you have ever known.
Itâs not long before you come with a cry, your nails digging into Acaciusâ skin as you shudder against him. The fire in your belly burns through you, the heat of it radiating out to your fingertips. It leaves you boneless beneath your conqueror. He seizes the advantage, pulling your legs wider apart to slot his other leg between them.
You struggle. Why not? It amuses you to make him manhandle you into place. He pulls your legs wider with one hand. With the thumb of the hand at your breast, he presses just below the cut. The burst of pain makes you hiss. Cowed, you let him pull your legs apart, his eyes feasting on your cunt. You must look a mess, swollen and soaked.
Acacius lets go of your leg and pulls up the hem of his tunic. Heâs big, unfashionably so for his countrymen. Beads of fluid leak from the reddened tip, and he swipes them away with his thumb. He settles himself between your thighs, and you gasp when he notches the blunt head of his cock against your entrance. Without warning or reprieve, he forces his cock inside you.
You throw your head back against the sand, stars exploding against your closed eyelids as you dance along the knife edge of pleasure and pain. A deep groan rumbles out of Acaciusâ throat as he presses deeper, working against your tight muscles to seat himself within you. Heâs unrelenting, his length thick and twitching as it fills you.
Thereâs no other word for it; you wail up at the star-strewn sky, pleasure flooding through you. Your body feels too small to contain the fire being stoked inside you, deep in your core. You pull at Acacius, nails clawing, dragging him down to kiss you. His lips meet yours in a messy crash, all tongues and teeth as he finally seats himself fully within you.
He barely allows you a moment to adjust. He retreats almost fully, his cock nearly leaving you completely, before sliding back in with one fluid stroke of his hips. Youâre shaken by how willingly your body accepts him, colouring any pain with so much pleasure you barely notice the discomfort. His hand finds your throat again, squeezing just enough to make you feel lightheaded.
Acaciusâ incursions become sharper, harder, as he finds his rhythm. Your hands slide under the hem of his tunic to clutch at his back, your nails leaving behind tiny red crescents in his skin. Every breath you take is shared by him, your mouths so close together you can taste the wine lingering on his tongue. The two of you move together, your moans melting into one another as you fuck like animals in the sand.
It doesnât take him long to send you over the edge again. Bliss wipes all words from your mind; you can only lie there and let your release crash over you. The ichor in your veins feels like itâs singing. Acacius looks down on you in awe, and it only drives you higher. You want to keep him. The Heroic Age is too far past; the world is lacking for heroes. Perhaps you and Acacius can make a few; handsome, strong boys, half-god children who reflect their fatherâs divine favour.
âWould you give me sons, Acacius?â You ask, breathless at his onslaught. Your foreheads are pressed together still; you cannot see the look on his face. He groans sharply, his hands clutch tighter at you. Is that a yes? What greater blessing to a pious man than a son born to a goddess.
He certainly shows no signs of stopping. He fucks you with the same vigour he fights with. You feel like youâre floating, high above your own body, lost completely to pleasure. Jupiter himself could command you to stop, and youâd be unable to obey. You grow restless beneath him. His hand has slackened around your throat, so you lean down to lick a line across his neck. The taste of salt and iron explodes across your tongue, so delicious that you have to force yourself not to sink your teeth in.
Acacius grunts above you, forcing you back down against the sand. His hips are stuttering; a sign that heâs close to his own release. You want to cry, want to prolong this as much as possible, but you know he has limits. Your sisters have pushed mortal men too far before; you will not make the same mistake, not with so delicious a playmate.
Instead you spur him on. Your nails dig harder into his back, making him groan sharply. His short, desperate thrusts make your eyes roll back into your skull as he touches something deep and private within you, unknown to anyone else.
âI- I must-â He starts, words failing him as he chases his release. You pepper his face with kisses, nip at his kiss-swollen lips.
âYou must,â you agree. âI want you to fill me up.â Youâre both breathless, barely any air between your bodies to breathe. One of your hands slides into his curls, pulling at them. You guide his head down until your lips are at his ear again.
âI could give you a son,â you whisper. âBut only if you finish inside me. Claim me; mark me as yours. Conquer me.â
He tips over the edge with a loud groan, his hips stuttering as he comes. You can feel his cock twitch inside you as he does, filling you with his seed. Perhaps something might catch; he seems virile enough. You cradle his head against the crook of your neck as he catches his breath, his body heavy as he relaxes on top of you.
âNoble Acacius,â you murmur fondly, stroking his curls. âMarcus. What do you make of your new conquest?â He is quiet for a long moment. The crash of the waves fills the silence, the tide drawing closer. Soon, the two of you will have to move.
âI shall never know another victory like it.â
Taglist:
Tagging some people who might be interested: @iamasaddie (per their request for Acacius filth) @avengersfan25 @misscharlielulu @apenny4thots @its-nebuleuse
#general marcus acacius#marcus acacius#marcus acacius x reader#marcus acacius fanfiction#gladiator 2
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Routine
Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator
A/N: Hi everyone! I told you that I had a hubby-treat for you, and it is finally here. Iâm very excited to share this one with you as it is something that Iâve gotten a ton of requests for. You love the simplicity of domestic life, so hereâs the life of Los PeĂąas after youâve begged to see what their routine looks like. Like always: A huge thanks to @angelofsmalldeath-codeine for being a patient, sweet and talented beta-reader.
Summary: A day in the life of Javier PeĂąa and his growing family.Â
Pairing: Javier PeĂąa x f!reader (no y/n)
Tags: +18, MDNI, hubby!javiâs POV and introspection, pregnant reader, pregnancy symptoms, family dynamics, domestic routines, tooth-rotting domestic bliss, siblings being siblings, married banter, heart-to-hearts, references to Reassess, family conflicts, casanova!javi turned oblivious!javi, javier with a baby needs a warning, handsy and inappropriate!javi, mention of javierâs mother, baby scan talk, hubby being a DAD!, couch cuddles (with and without kids), sex toys (not explicitly a rose but something along the lines, and while I know we are in the 00s, letâs pretend that sucking toys and cordless toys were a thing for the sake of the story), f masturbation, pregnancy sex, consent king javi, teasing, light dom/sub dynamics, dirty talk, light verbal humiliation, nipple play, nipple orgasm, overstim, intense sex, multiple orgasms, m masturbation, wife is an insatiable brat and a screamer, slight dacryphilia, piv sex, rough sex, breeding kink, creampie, slight subdrop, lots of praises and aftercare, baths and hair washing, Â
Word count: 17.2k (sorry)
Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56355349
Routine
Javierâs alarm goes off at 6:30 AM each morning. He breathes deeply in through his nose as he is woken by the beeping sounds of his alarm clock, pulls his arm out from under the covers where it is wrapped around your waist, and moves it to the button on top of the device. He fumbles to find it for a moment, ending up smacking his hand into the plastic with a grunt.Â
You stir beside him when he falls back down on his back. He rubs his eyes until he sees fireworks behind his lids, moving the hand down to smooth his thumb and forefinger along his mustache.Â
âItâs 6:30,â he then tells you, reaching for your shoulder to shake you gently until you whine a no and cover your face with your arms. He smiles as your half-asleep state makes you no better than his only daughter, âCome on, mi amor (my love). Another day.â
âThank God, itâs Friday,â you mumble, âOne more wake-up routine and I might leave to start a new life as an actually interesting person, maybe a psychic woman.â
âTelling fortunes?â He muses with a goofy smile even if you cannot see him. He reaches to pull your arms away, âCâmon now.â
âYes, maybe,â you give in and sit up, resting your folded hands on top of your pregnant belly, âThe spirits are telling me that you are waking up the queen of this household. Iâll take Seb later.â
You are still on leave after giving birth to Sebastian but after Javier has started his new job, the both of you have discussed the idea of you being a stay-at-home mother for some time after the twins have been born too. You do most of your work on your computer anyway, and if you quit your job, thereâll be plenty of opportunities to do some freelance stuff for extra income. Javier isnât over the moon about you playing the part of the cherry-pie-making housewife but you reason that you only get to experience the kids as kids once which he canât argue with (especially not when he chose a different job for the exact same reason).
âYou sure have a gift, all-seeing wife,â Javier nods in agreement and kisses your lips even as you say you have a terrible case of morning breath. Then, resting on his hands, he bends down to kiss your stomach too, âAnything else MamĂĄ wants?â
âCan you make breakfast?â You blink prettily, âIâll do school lunches and coffee.â
âSure,â he leans over you and smirks when your noses bump together, âHow do you want your eggs? Except fertilized, obviously.â
âJavi,â you scold but giggle and initiate a kiss anyway. He kisses you longingly because he hasnât for eight long hours of sleep. When he pulls back, heat has risen to your cheek, âJust scrambled.â
âYou got it,â he moves and gets out of the bed. It is 6:36 AM now and he calculates the time heâll have to wake up InĂŠs as well as make breakfast if he needs to get in the shower before leaving too. He doesnât have to stress.
âAnd Javi?â You call from the bed.Â
He turns around in the doorway to the master bathroom, âYes?â
âGood morning,â you beam.Â
âGood morning, baby,â he smiles.
He takes a quick moment to wash his face, leaving the door open so you can run back and forth to pee the million times that you need to each morning. He doesnât say anything, just listens to you moving around as you brush your hair and put on soft sweatpants. He tries to imagine what youâll be wearing when he sees you later because you always shower after sending him and the children out of the door. He hopes that you will wear your blue sundress now that it's warmer than ever.Â
When he emerges from the bathroom to plan what he is going to wear for the day, you are already gone and he can hear the radio playing music in the kitchen. He revises his material for todayâs lecture about criminal behavior as he takes a white shirt off its hanger and reaches for a pair of dress pants, but he can barely concentrate when he cannot wait to see you downstairs.
Finishing up his little routine, he walks out of the bedroom and down the hallway upstairs. He knocks once on Lucasâ door before peeking into the room, âLetâs go, muchacho (young man).â
Lucas passes him a moment later, fully dressed and with his school bag over his shoulder. He looks so grown that Javier wants to topple over, âMorning, mijo (my son).âÂ
âDonât worry, Dad. Iâm up,â he smiles.Â
Javier raises a brow, âI can see that. Thanks for making my life easier. Iâll go wake up la monita (the little monkey) then.âÂ
He continues to InĂŠsâ room. She has not woken up yet, deep asleep with the covers half on the floor. She is lying on her stomach with her arms above her head, her mouth agape as she snores gently, her hair an unruly mess, and her pajama top askew on her back.Â
He crouches down by her bed and runs a hand over her back, speaking softly as he wakes her up with the intention of not accidentally startling her, âInĂŠs, mi niĂąa (my girl), itâs time to wake up.â
It takes a whole minute for her to escape the land of the sleeping and release the clutch on her pillow. She furrows her brow, yawns animatedly, and rubs her eyes with her tiny fists in the same way he does every day.Â
âThere she is,â he smiles, âItâs almost seven, we gotta get up for school.âÂ
âI donât wanna,â she complains with a pout and earns a gentle hand running over her hair. She buries her face further into the pillow and looks like sheâs already about to turn to her weapon consisting of crocodile tears.Â
âI donât want to either but Mom is already packing your lunch. Donât you want to see Ava and Jacob?â He helps her sit up, trying to distract her from her tantrum.Â
âAva says her mom is sad,â InĂŠs shakes her head but the accidental opportunity to talk about her troubles makes Javier able to undress her without much fuss. He gives her a sympathetic look. Mira, Avaâs mother, is still divorcing her husband Jonathan, and it is the first time that InĂŠs has been confronted with the idea that not all parents stay together. He nods in understanding, âBut Ava says that her mom is the one who didnât want to be with her daddy anymore.â
âSometimes you can be sad even if itâs a choice you make yourself,â Javier explains as he gets her out of bed, kneeling in front of her on the floor to help her into her underwear and bottoms. He pulls them up over her hips, âMaybe she thought it was nicer to leave so she could not make him sad again.âÂ
InĂŠs listens to his explanation but just as she is about to nod, she frowns and shakes her head instead, âThatâs stupid. Mommy says that you stay and talk about things when you are sad.âÂ
Javier pauses with the blouse you chose for her yesterday in his hands, trying to find the correct way to explain why adults act the way they do to his daughter. Itâs so early in the morning and she had barely been awake two minutes ago. He takes a deep breath before speaking, "Well sometimes grown-ups have disagreements or feelings that are hard to understand, and when those feelings become too strong, they might decide that it's best to be apart instead of being sad together."
InĂŠs furrows her brow even more but raises her arms up in the air to let him pull the blouse over her head, âIs Ava sad too?"Â
Javier pulls her arms out of the sleeves and brushes her hair out of her concerned and skeptical face, "Ava might be feeling sad right now too but she has her friends, you for example, and her family to cheer her up, just like you have me and MamĂĄ.â
InĂŠs falls into him and hugs him, giggling as he picks her up and purposely turns her the wrong way around in his arms until she tells him off with a squeal. She throws her arms around his neck when she finally sits on his hip and kisses his cheek, "I'm glad I have you, PapĂĄ. I love you!"Â
Javier vows that he wonât cry from emotion so early in the morning. He is worse than you sometimes when it comes to these things, chest constricting as tears well up in his throat, âI wouldnât know what to do without you, mi amor (my love). Letâs go get breakfast before we do your hair. How do you want it?â
âPigtails,â she decides loudly as they leave the room.Â
Downstairs, Lucas has chosen cereal for himself and is reading the comic he got last month at the dining table. InĂŠs says hello to him from her seat on Javierâs hip, and he waves back at her until she giggles and hides her face against her fatherâs shoulder.Â
Javier carries her to you as you cut carrot and cucumber slices for her lunchbox. You turn to them.Â
âMorning, MamĂĄ!â She chirps happily and you give her a kiss.Â
âHi, baby,â you reply and notice the faint traces of tears in the corner of Javierâs eyes. You raise your brows, âDid you give your dad any trouble?âÂ
âWe had a little chat about Mira and Jonathan,â he explains quickly and stuffs a carrot in InĂŠsâ mouth before walking to plop her down on a dining chair. InĂŠs chews and immediately gets enchanted by her older brother, looking at the pictures of Spiderman on the pages in front of them while asking him to explain.Â
âAre you okay?â You put a hand on his arm, rubbing affectionately all the way up to the back of his neck. He reaches to put his hand on top of yours and smiles reassuringly.
âJust got a love declaration of the ages,â he explains before letting go. He moves to open the fridge and calculates the amount of eggs heâll need.Â
âAhh, sentiment,â you say with a knowing smile. Without a word, you get a pan out for him and place it on the stove, working with him in a symbiotic manner that he grows more and more fond of with each passing morning you spend together as a family.Â
He cracks the eggs out into a bowl to make sure there are no shells and then starts scrambling them whilst you click the button on the coffee machine. Soon, the delicious smell of fresh coffee and breakfast fills up the room and you open a window to let the sound of chirping birds join the music on the radio.Â
âEat up, weâre leaving in 45 minutes,â he places the plate in front of InĂŠs and kisses her hair. She takes the fork you bring a second after and stabs the eggs with determination.Â
She chatters excitedly about the plans for her day between bites of eggs and looks outraged when Lucas occasionally steals a piece from her plate. He makes a peace offering by moving his chair closer to hers so he can hold the comic in front of them both.Â
Javier goes to pour coffee into his favorite mug whilst you have tea and you eat the rest of the scrambled eggs directly from the pan together with him. He admires you whilst you rest against the kitchen table, having a conversation with your kids whilst nourishing your twin babies.Â
As the comfortable morning routine proceeds, he catches your eyes from across the room and you smile so tenderly each time. Rays of sunlight are coming in from the window, dancing over the fabric of your comfortable clothes and making your already glowing skin glow even brighter as you hold the mug of tea in both hands. He knows how lucky he is to have this life with you after the chaotic years of his youth. Who knew that life could start when one thought it was over?
He recalls the very first time he laid eyes on you and how he knew he wanted to marry you by the end of the night (you still donât believe this). He remembers thinking that he didnât deserve a life with you and all the love you brought with you, remembers how you said that the only thing that mattered was whether he wanted it or not. He has never once wavered from this want since you allowed him to kiss you for the first time.Â
Lost in thought, he almost doesnât realize that you have started to move around the kitchen to clear the table and stuff the lunchboxes into each respective school bag. He takes a brief moment more to longingly gaze after you.Â
You are so graceful in your fourth pregnancy even if you deny it each time he compliments you, your stomach a bump so round and plenty visible already. The both of you are nearly four months into what has been the biggest shock of your lives. All the time, he thinks back to how difficult it was to conceive the first two of his kids and feels a tug in his chest of endless gratitude for being a father.Â
He could never describe the flood of pride that had erupted in his heart when he went from being a father of three to suddenly being a father of almost five in a matter of a single second you spent together in an ob-gyn's office on a regular Tuesday morning. He remembers seeing your overwhelmed and tear-stained face when you had thrown yourself back into the examination chair with simultaneous happiness and panic flashing in your eyes. The babble of words was barely comprehensible but they made him kiss your eyelids until you gave him a smile.Â
He had called you his very best girl when the doctor had left to give you both a moment of privacy, held your trembling hand, and told you that he would be right there with you every step of the way, which seemed to calm you instantly. He is grateful that he has that effect on you just as you have the very same effect on him. He knows he can never feel what itâs like to bear children but he knows that every fiber of his body tells him that he will never allow you to be scared if he can help it.
These days, he wonât even allow you to be exhausted either which is why he picks up InĂŠs from her seat again and carries her upstairs to the bathroom. When pregnant, you always pack the car with Lucas instead of walking around with your preschooler on your hip.Â
âRight,â he hooks a foot around the leg of the stool underneath the sink and drags it out so InĂŠs can stand on it. She grabs the edge of the sink and makes a face in the mirror now that sheâs tall enough to admire herself, âPigtails, wasnât it?â
InĂŠs nods eagerly when Javier gets out the box of hair ties from underneath the cabinet next to the sink, âI want the Minnie Mouse bows.â
âExcellent choice,â Javier praises as he reaches for her hairbrush too. He combs her hair, starting at the bottom and gradually going upwards just like you have taught him the second that he became a father to a little girl. You had even made a hair boot camp, sitting on the couch and nursing InĂŠs whilst he practiced a few different hairstyles that you would rate on a scale of one to ten.Â
He parts InĂŠsâ hair down the middle and starts with the right pigtail, gathering all the hair in his hand with the help of the brush. His daughter grimaces at the slight tug but then her face lights up as she remembers something.
âDaddy! Mommy says I have to do my daily affirmations before school!â She beams at him in the mirror, excited because complimenting herself clearly makes her feel good. Javier cannot believe how fantastic of a mother you are because it would have never even occurred to him that this was the simplest way of teaching his children to be kind to themselves.Â
âAlright, letâs hear them, mija (my daughter),â he says and finishes the second pigtail. He takes a step back, holding his daughterâs head in place like you have taught him to make sure the hairstyle is symmetrical. Satisfied, he looks at the digital clock on top of the cabinet. He figures they can spare the two minutes it takes.Â
InĂŠs looks herself in the eye when he has let go of her again. She straightens her back like she has seen cartoon characters do, admiring her reflection, and starts reciting with a big smile on her little face.Â
âI am smart.â
Yes, she is. Sometimes too smart for her own good. Javier smiles. Thereâs a pause.Â
âI am brave.â
The bravest.
âI have good ideasââ she halts, turning around to look at him with a frown as if it wouldnât have the same effect if she had simply sent him the look through the bathroom mirror, âDaddy, you have to say it too.â
She watches him expectantly and he cannot bear to let her down even if he feels slightly embarrassed to talk so highly about himself out loud. He takes a deep breath, a weird feeling in his chest as he meets his own gaze, âI am smart. I am brave. I have good ideas.â
âGood, Daddy!â InĂŠs radiates joy and sports a big toothy grin. She says another one, âI can say no.â
Javier doesnât catch on to the fact that he has to keep going. InĂŠs turns around to him again with her hands in her sides, âNow you say it, Daddy!â
âInĂŠsâŚâ He chuckles and feels slightly apprehensive. Vulnerability isnât something he is insecure about but the act of openly saying such nice sentiments to himself hits a nerve somewhere in his chest, imitating a feeling of performance anxiety that he only recognizes from the times he has gone to an exam.Â
âMommy says it makes us feel good inside,â InĂŠs doesnât let it go, dragging out the minute that he has put aside for this. He knows thereâs no way around this and he knows that you would tell him to lead by example. He pretends to cough in an attempt to hide his hesitation, knowing that his confidence and self-love will only fuel his childrenâs. What more could he want as a father?
âI can say no,â he tells his reflection.
âI can do hard things,â InĂŠs continues. Javier repeats it.
âI am a good friend,â she proudly voices and he hugs her from behind to parrot each word, tightening his arms around her more and more until eventually, he tickles her when she has said her last sentence, âI am loved. Thereâs no one I would rather be than myself.â
She squeals with delight and slight panic, laughing in his arms in the loud and free manner that only a child can. He gets filled up with warmth and baby fever, trying his hardest to compose himself since they have to leave soon even if he just wants to keep going.Â
âTime to brush your teeth and pee before we leave, monita (little monkey),â he tells her and she follows through without any protest.Â
When he has told her to help you finish packing her bag, he gets his clothes from the bedroom and gets in for a quick shower. He washes his hair and body, scrubbing his beard with his fingers while revising his material one last time.Â
At last, he stands in front of the mirror, putting on his watch, buckling his belt, and fixing the collar of his crisp white shirt. He finishes with his cologne, shaking his sleeve upward on his arm after brushing his teeth to check the time. 7:37 AM.
âDo you have everything?â You ask when everyone is back in the kitchen again.
âI hate leaving you alone all day,â Javier mumbles as you hand over his bag along with InĂŠsâ school bag. Despite Javierâs hands being full, you still place your palms on his chest and kiss him on the mouth.
âThen stop getting me pregnant,â you whisper against his mouth.Â
âBut itâs just so fun,â he notes and kisses you a few times more when you try to pull away, âThey should stop making it so fun. You should stop making me feel so good.â
âDad,â Lucas interrupts you with a grimace, âWeâre gonna be late.â
âAlright, out the door, all of you,â you scratch Javierâs chest briefly before walking out of the room to the front door. You hold it open and watch the three of them scuttling out of the house. Javier wants to count the hours before he gets to see you again.
âAnd remember, Daddyâs picking you up after school today!â You yell from the door and he turns to walk backwards to the car with a grin on his face. He hears InĂŠs cheer at this fact and secretly, he wants to cheer himself because he never gets to do it. You have an appointment with your ob-gyn doctor later to check if everything is alright with the babies, something they have insisted on since they found out there were two. Heâll have to leave work early but itâll give him more time with his children in the afternoon.Â
He checks each of their seat belts to make sure theyâre secure, hesitating for just a second as he gets ready to close the car door, âHands inside the car, câmon.â
InĂŠs throws her palms up and he pushes the car door shut with a smile before walking around the front, tapping the hood with his knuckles and waving at you one last time. You smile widely and mouth that you love him. You close the door, and he only starts the car when he sees you in the kitchen window.Â
â
The car ride to school is fairly short but it consists of Javier listening to a lot of happy chatter about nothing from InĂŠs in the way only a four-year-old can do. In the ten minutes it takes, he manages to answer questions about why the sky is blue, why thereâs no such thing as dragons in Texas, if there are twin ladybugs just like there are twins in your tummy, and if she can try driving the car later.Â
Lucas only joins in when she asks whether they can get a dog. He grabs at the back of his fatherâs seat and lifts himself as far forward as the seat belt will allow only to get told to sit back down.Â
âA dog is a big responsibility, you know,â Javier swings the car into a parking spot. He looks back over the seat after turning off the engine, âMommy and I have you and Seb to take care of, and the twins eventually too.â
âNunca vamos a tener un perro (weâre never gonna get a dog),â Lucas grumbles and throws himself back into the seat. He crosses his arms over his chest and looks out the window.Â
âNever?â InĂŠsâ eyes widen.
âOye, eso no es lo que dije (hey, thatâs not what I said),â Javier replies, pocketing the car keys, âIâm just saying that weâll have our hands full soon.â
âThatâs not my fault and I didnât even want more siblings,â Lucas says under his breath and InĂŠs squirms in her seat at the tension in the tiny space.Â
âHey, thatâs not fair. I donât want you saying things like that,â Javier says firmly.Â
Lucas huffs. For once, InĂŠs is quiet.Â
âLook at me,â Javier tells him and his son reluctantly finds his gaze again, âWe donât talk about each other like that and we especially donât make each other feel unwanted.â
Thereâs a painful mixture of shame, vulnerability, and frustration on the eight-year-oldâs face, âI know, Dad, Iâm sorry⌠itâs just that sometimes it feels like Iâm the one who has to always give up what I want.â
Javier knows the irony of his previous statement as soon as he hears those words. Accompanied by the look he receives from his son, itâs enough to make him swallow thickly, âIâm sorry, mijo (my son). I didnât mean to make you feel like that.â
Thereâs a pause. Lucas starts to open the door, âItâs okay. I know that youâre right and a dog wonât be happy if we donât have time for it. Thatâs what Mom says anyway.â
He gets out and InĂŠs finally pipes up when theyâre alone. She frowns and looks out the window to watch Lucas stand with his hands clutching the straps of his bag, âCanât we just have a little dog?â
âI have to talk to Mom about it,â he sighs, âLetâs get through this day first.â
The two of them finally get out of the car to join Lucas. Javier locks the car. He starts to lean down over his son, wants to press an affectionate kiss to his hair thatâs so much like his own it hurts, but Lucas shakes him off.Â
âDad,â the eight-year-old bites at him, his tone full of embarrassment. He suppresses a scowl even if itâs only a half-hearted one and instead looks around to see if anyone saw him.Â
Javier straightens again, trying to pretend the slight rejection didnât sting too much. Lucas is turning nine soon but he hadnât guessed that heâd be so much of a preteen already. He has no clue if he is doing okay with him but he vows to get a smile out of him before they part for the day.Â
âIâll talk to Mom about it,â Javier eventually promises. Itâs not untrue.
âWhatever, itâs fine,â Lucas replies with a fake smile and looks away.Â
âLucas, Iâm sorry. I shouldnât have raised my voice at you,â he drops InĂŠsâ bag and thinks fuck it. He crouches down to hold both his arms, rubbing them soothingly, and feels relief at not being rejected again, âI know you really want a dog but you gotta cut your Mom and me some slack here, okay? Weâve never had three kiddos at the same time. Just like youâve never had two siblings before.â
âFour,â his son mutters.Â
âItâll be okay,â he tells him with a smile. He is steadfast as he continues, âAnd I mean it, I will talk to Mom but her verdict is final. Sheâs the pregnant one.â
âOkay,â Lucas says with uncertainty.
âOkaaay,â he parrots to him in a silly voice with a gentle squeeze.Â
âOkay,â Lucas says with a little laugh.Â
âOkay,â InĂŠs chimes in with excitement.Â
Lucas laughs genuinely this time and Javier feels his heart leap. He picks up the bag from the ground and stands once more, only to bend down and kiss his sonâs hair, âSchool waits. InĂŠs and Iâll see you later.â
âBye, Dad, bye, InĂŠs,â he nods, âI love you.â
âI love you too!!!â InĂŠs yells loudly and Javier takes her hand with the one not carrying her bag.Â
âLove you, mijo (my son).â
â
The next stop is InĂŠsâ classroom. She runs a few meters in front of him the whole way there but because of her little legs, he never gets too far behind her. He feels so relieved that sheâs always this excited for school but with the way that you tell him that sheâs so much like him, he also knows that itâs just a matter of time before she grows tired of school during her teen years. Teen years. He shouldnât think about that already since the thought of her growing is unbearable.Â
âInĂŠs, slow down,â he says despite not needing to, wanting a bit of control, âI donât want you falling and scraping your knees, mi amor (my love).â
When she doesnât immediately follow orders, he holds out his hand for her to take, âInĂŠs.â
She turns her head toward him as she runs down the hall, so close to her goal which is her classroom, and tumbles into a woman coming out of the room. Javier puts a hand on his head in shock, dropping his daughterâs bag and walking straight to them whilst apologizing profusely.Â
âItâs alright,â the woman says with a sweet smile in his direction and then in InĂŠsâ direction. Sheâs tall and blonde, wearing a coat in this boiling weather which must mean sheâs not used to Texas, âWeâre both alright, arenât we?â
âSorry,â InĂŠs says genuinely.Â
âWell, arenât you well-behaved?â She is grinning now.Â
âDaddy, can I go inside and play with Ava?â InĂŠs looks longingly towards the door.Â
He goes to pick up her bag, âSĂ (yes), but take your backpack and Iâll talk to the nice lady.â
InĂŠs does as she is told, standing perfectly still whilst he helps the bag onto her shoulders. He kisses the top of her head, âVes a jugar (Go and play). Iâll pick you up later today.â
âTheyâre great at that age,â the woman says with a dreamy smile after InĂŠs bounds into the classroom, âI dropped mine off a moment ago.â
âThey in the same class?â He asks.Â
âAs of last week. Oh, and itâs Emily, actually, not ânice ladyâ,â the stranger reveals, holding out her hand for a shake, âAnd youâre Javier, right?â
âThatâs right,â he shakes her hand. Great, even she knows who he is and he prepares himself for the usual speech about him being known all over Laredo, doing everything in his power to not make his mouth a straight line.Â
However, she nods towards the door and surprises him by saying nothing of the sort. Instead, she makes it about herself which shouldnât be nice but it is, âInĂŠsâ father? My daughter has mentioned her a few times. Weâre new here, moved from Upstate New York. Work. You know.â
âThat explains the coat,â he says with a little smirk.Â
She reacts by putting her hand on her cheek and then her forehead, feeling a blush thatâs not there. He is too oblivious to know that sheâs fishing for a compliment on her appearance, âThat obvious, huh? I probably look like a red crab. Iâm boiling.â
âYou look fine,â he reassures, âBut hit up the AC in your car or at least take that thing off. Survival mode, you know, do it for the kids.â
Emily giggles. He smiles.Â
âWe should arrange a playdate sometime. My daughter could use some friends. I think we both could. We could get some coffee if you know a place,â she suggests in an attempt at a flirtation but even if itâs so glaringly obvious, he just doesnât pick up on it.Â
Instead, his mind circles back to you in the kitchen he built for you, âIâm busy most days but Iâm sure my wife would be thrilled to set something up. InĂŠs canât just be playing with our friendsâ daughter all the time.â
âOh,â thereâs a slight change in Emilyâs demeanor after that. Her smile falters ever so slightly, and there's a fleeting look of disappointment in her eyes but he can't quite pinpoint the cause of her sudden change in mood. He brushes it off, "Well, I should probably let you get back to your day. I suppose your name and number are on the classâ contact list?âÂ
He tries to keep up the upbeat tone of their conversation but she just smiles awkwardly, "Yes. Of course, Javier. I'll look forward to it."
As he turns to leave, he catches a glimpse of Emily's expression, and he can't shake the feeling that something is amiss. He furrows his brow, wondering all the way to the car what he did wrong and doesnât know that if you had been there, you would have been laughing your ass off the second Emily had left.
He brushes it off the second the radio comes on in the car and heads to work afterward. The day feels easy; he gets to come home, gets to watch his kids grow up in front of his eyes and in the evening he will make love to his beautiful wife. Such a fact makes days at work pass like seconds, and he smiles all the way from his car when the bell rings for his first lesson.
â
Around two in the afternoon on the same day, Javier enters his house with his kids following right behind him. He comes home to you feeding Sebastian mashed avocado in his high chair, and in the meantime cutely imitating his babbling about nothing right back at the little green monster that used to be his son. He walks up to you after putting his bag down on a dining chair.Â
âHey,â you say with avocado on your forehead.Â
Javier reaches up to rub it off, sucking it off his finger before pecking your lips, âHola, mi amor (hello, my love). Howâs your day been? Scan go okay?â
He kisses Sebastianâs head too before turning his attention to you. Youâre scraping the last bits of avocado onto the baby spoon before feeding it to your son.
âIâll tell you about the scan later. I need to talk to you about it⌠but Seb and I have had such a good day, ainât that right, baby?â You tickle Sebastianâs cheeks, not caring about being covered in green too. Sebastian giggles and clenches his fist around some of the avocado he has had in his hand for a while. Javier decides not to press any further since you donât look worried, especially not as you watch Sebastian slam his fist into the plate in front of him afterward, âWe tried sweet potatoes today, didnât we? Y probamos fresas del mercado, pasta con un poco de queso (And we tried strawberries from the market, pasta with a bit of cheese)."
Javier grins at your excitement, watching you reach for a piece of paper towel to wipe off all the excess food from your child now that he has been allowed to eat more independently with just a bit of help, "Mi hijo es un foodie, Âżeh? (my son is a foodie, huh?)"
Lucas pops his head in through the kitchen door with InĂŠs loyally following right behind, âMom, did you say strawberries?â
You walk to the kitchen table and grab the cardboard basket of strawberries, holding it out for your eldest son. You shake it a little, âTheyâre really good.â
He takes one and hands it to InĂŠs before he grabs one for himself afterward. He smiles contentedly after biting into it, happily chewing the sweet berry and looking down at his sister to see her reaction as well, âGood?â
You offer Javier a strawberry too. He eats a whole one, doesnât even bother to pick off the green part, and earns a little crinkle of your nose. He winks at your reaction and the expression of disapproval turns into a smile that sets his heart into overdrive.Â
InĂŠs lights up after finishing the berry, âCan I have one more?â
âConsider it your afternoon snack,â you say. You pull out a chair around the dining table, placing the basket of strawberries on the table, âDo you want a PB&J sandwich too?âÂ
âYes!â She runs across the room to crawl onto the seat, waiting patiently with her hands flat on the table until she cannot resist nearly smothering herself with another strawberry.Â
âDo you want one too, Luke?â You ask.Â
âYes, please. Thank you, Mom,â he says politely and goes to sit down too. He taps a rhythm on the table that InĂŠs fails at replicating. From his high chair, Sebastian joins in by slamming his palms into the table and the luckily empty baby platter.Â
âJavi, can you take Seb for his nap?â You ask while reaching for the jar of peanut butter in the cupboard. You cannot find it, frowning at the realization that you must have placed it somewhere else. Javier hears you mutter to yourself about your damn pregnancy brain.Â
He walks up behind you, a hand on the small of your back as he leans over you. You freeze but then relax into his touch. He reaches into the far back of the cupboard, feeling for the jar, and fetches it, âYou told me to hide it, baby. You eat too much of it with just the lid off and a spoon.â
âI should stop denying the babies it if thatâs what they want,â you giggle to hide your embarrassment at having forgotten and pat your pregnant belly. You look so pretty in your dress, the one he had hoped that you would wear; blue as the sky above with tiny yellow bees flying around on it.Â
He hands you the jar of peanut butter and cannot help but admire the gentle curve of your stomach, that certain glow making you radiant in the mundane setting of his kitchen. He can never help ogling you when you care for his children and itâs even worse when you carry them as well.Â
âYou look so gorgeous right now, mi vida (my life),â he rubs the small of your back and slides his palm around you to your belly, breathing against your ear as he talks. You turn your head just a little to smile playfully at him and thank him in a soft whisper.Â
Javier looks back to see his kids chatting with each other, so he presses into you a little more.
âI got a bed with your name on it later,â he continues quietly as he still stands right behind you, letting his hand drop to your hip. You shove a little at him but itâs nowhere near enough to actually mean that you want him to stop. He lets his warm breath ghost over the soft shell of your ear until you let out a sigh that you only reserve for him. He continues until he can look at your neck and see your pulse throbbing under your skin, âI could just eat you up. Take you to our bedroom, lock the door⌠throw you on the bed, and take your clothes off with my teeth.â
âPĂłrtate bien (Behave),â you scold him with a bit more mischief than what he assumes is intended, âI have sandwiches to make and weâll be sorry later if Seb misses his nap.â
He adds a finishing touch to his attempt at a flirtation by shielding you from his kidsâ line of sight. The broad hand that has been resting on your hip slips further down. and Javier allows himself a grope to your backside. He jiggles the fleshiest part of it and you finally have enough, turning around quickly with a look of mock outrage.Â
âThin ice, baby, thin ice,â you chide but he simply pecks you on the lips and turns towards his children again.Â
âVamos, pequeĂąo (letâs go, little one),â he says to Sebastian as he approaches him, lifting him out of his high chair and placing him on his hip. He feels your disapproving eyes as he walks out of the kitchen but just smirks to himself, heading for the stairs to go to the nursery.
In the room, he places Sebastian on the changing table and checks his diaper. He also removes as much clothing as possible, making sure he wonât overheat in the bassinet. His son grins up at him, not seeming tired at first but then starts blinking slowly as the nap ritual proceeds.Â
âOh, you are tired, mijo (my son),â he whispers softly as he cradles him towards his chest afterward. He feels Sebastian resting his chubby cheek against his shoulder, breathing slowly as he starts falling asleep from being bounced in his fatherâs arms.
Javier hums, savoring the moment that he knows is fleeting with his son. He is reminded of needing to ask you about the doctorâs appointment again, excitement in his body as he thinks about two sets of tiny feet running across his living room floor at the same time. As a child, he never really understood why he couldnât get a sibling but his understanding of what was happening to his mother only came a little later until he stopped asking altogether. He loves that his house is so full now.Â
When Sebastian is fully asleep, he lays him down on his back on the tiny mattress that belonged to InĂŠs before. He runs his palm over the fine hairs on his head for a few moments, just staring down at his baby to commit it to memory. He tucks the blanket around him, turns on the baby monitor, grabs the other, and flicks off the lights.Â
When he returns to the kitchen ten minutes later, he finds you sitting by the dining table with a sandwich of your own. Lucas holds a pencil in his hand, your grocery list lying in front of him and his empty plate has been pushed away.Â
âI hate broccoli,â InĂŠs says from her own seat, nose scrunched up. The jelly part of her sandwich seems more around her mouth than in her belly. She tries to look over at what her older brother is writing but he is hesitant in his spelling of the word.Â
âI hate it because I canât spell it,â Lucas grumbles with concentration on his face, âB-R-OâŚâ
âC-C-O-L-I,â Javier finishes, announcing his presence to them. You look up at him as he stops between Lucasâ and your chair, setting down the baby monitor on the table.Â
âHey, heâs supposed to learn how to spell it by himself,â you tut gently but without any anger or annoyance. Javier kisses your jelly-tasting lips. You tap the list, âLettuce.â
Lucas groans in complaint, âMooom, all these words are hard.â
InĂŠs giggles from her seat, âLucas is bad at spelling!â
Lucas furrows his brow, looking to you for saving, âNo, Iâm not!â
You send your daughter a look, knowing you have the right thing to say to bring some justice into the world, âI donât know why youâre laughing, InĂŠs PeĂąa. You have to practice your counting skills with Daddy.â
Javier snorts at the look of disgust on his daughterâs face. She comically throws herself back into her chair, arms crossed over her chest. He kisses her hair, âNo angry faces, Princesa (princess). Youâll have plenty of time to play afterward.â
âMaybe I am bad at spelling,â Lucas says in defeat, heaving a big sigh.Â
âYouâre doing great, sweetie. Itâs all about practice,â you reassure and reach out to rub the back of his neck affectionately, âAnd I really appreciate you helping me with the grocery list. Itâs a big job.â
âHow about an easier word?â Javier suggests, silently eyeing your sandwich as he speaks, âLike tomatoes.â
Lucas smiles down at the paper, brightening at the praise you offer as consolation for his struggles. He writes down the newly suggested word with newfound confidence, âT-O-M-A-T-O-E-S.â
âPerfect,â you continue your praise.Â
Finally, Javier pulls out a chair to sit down with his family. He chooses the seat next to you but opposite InĂŠs to keep her in line if she decides to have a tantrum. However, she just watches her brother scribble down word after word.Â
âWhat about ice cream?â She asks suddenly with her best pleading expression. She is more hesitant than usual, knowing full well that she overstepped the rules a moment ago.Â
âIf Lucas can spell it,â you challenge with a sweet smile, raising a brow at your son.Â
InĂŠs grabs at the edge of the dining table, moving to stand on her knees instead of sitting. She leans over the table to get a closer look, âYou can do it, Lucas!â
âChallenge accepted,â he says with a grin, nearly breaking the tip of the pencil in his eagerness, especially now that his sister is cheering for him, âI-C-E-C-R-E-A-M.â
Both of them look to you expectantly, awaiting your verdict thatâll make or break the oncoming weekend. You nod, âThatâs indeed how you spell ice cream.â
The both of them cheer. You laugh along with them, and Javier feels his knees go weak even as he sits down. He leans back in his seat with his shoulders completely relaxed, briefly recalling a time when his body being this calm was only a possibility when alcohol was in his bloodstream.Â
âWhatâs next on the list, muchacho (young man)?â He asks as the laughter dies down once again, casually reaching out for half of your sandwich. He earns a look of mock outrage from you, your hand reaching out to swat his arm.Â
âGet your own, PeĂąa,â you scold playfully. He pulls away quickly and bites down into the corner. You roll your eyes, âYouâre insatiable, you know that?â
âAnd you love it,â he says around a mouthful of food.Â
âMom, whatâs âinsatiableâ mean?â InĂŠs asks curiously.Â
You look at him with a smirk as you reply, âIt means Daddy always wants more.âÂ
âMore what? More food?â InĂŠs furrows her brow in confusion.Â
âSomething like that,â Javier says with his heart beating loudly in his chest at the mere thought of you. He leans closer to you, lowering his voice just enough, âAnd more of Mommy, too.â
âAnd I think thatâs it for snack time!â You announce quickly after, heat in your cheeks as you push yourself to stand. Javier is pleased with himself as you walk around in a flustered state, âLucas, do you have any homework?â
âI finished math homework in school,â he announces proudly, âIs the grocery list finished?âÂ
âCan you add chicken too? Then I think weâre done,â you walk back to the table to gather the plates, not letting Javier put down his sandwich again. He feels triumphant at having caused you to feel like this, a sucker for watching your warm face.Â
âC-H-I-Kââ Lucas spells out loud.Â
âC-K,â you correct as you put the dirty plates into the dishwasher.Â
âOh,â he turns the pencil around and erases his mistake, âC-H-I-C-K-E-N.â
âThere you go, baby, good job,â you praise.
Lucas beams.
â
The rest of the afternoon passes quickly. Lucas goes to his room to play on his Game Boy, its faint beeps echoing through the house from the open door, InĂŠs, after getting her face thoroughly wiped down, falls asleep on the couch after refusing an afternoon nap, and you and Javier begin the usual ritual of preparing for dinner while Sebastian sleeps undisturbed in his bed.Â
âYou wanted to talk to me about the scan today?â Javier starts a conversation as he chops vegetables alongside you, your hip occasionally bumping into his as you mix a dressing.Â
âYeah, and before you start to worry; yes, the babies are fine,â you reply and absentmindedly run your palm across your belly.Â
âBut?â Javier puts the knife down to look at you.Â
âBut nothing. I just wanted to tell you that they know what weâre having and they want us to discuss if we wanna know,â you smile excitedly. You mirror him by putting down the spoon and stepping closer to let him embrace you.Â
âThey can tell already?â He asks as he places his hands on your hips, rubbing up and down soothingly. He pecks your lips, heart feeling too big for his chest.Â
You nod and lean into another kiss, âAnd they said everything looks great too. Nothing to worry about, and the due date is so far down the road that we canât wonder about the delivery yet.âÂ
âAlright, yes. Okay,â he nods in return, an overwhelmed smile on his lips. He releases a small sigh, âBut do we want to know? Weâve tried both but I think itâs up to you.âÂ
âI mean,â you think out loud while Javier takes the opportunity to rub your stomach, âI like surprises but with the stress the delivery will probably bring, it might be nice to know. Just to appreciate it more than when Iâm a mess. I donât know.â
âWell, I guess we donât have to decide now. We have five or so months, have a think,â he reassures you and presses a soft kiss to your neck. He can feel and hear you draw in a deep breath.Â
You are interrupted by Sebastianâs soft noises through the baby monitor, tiny sounds of complaint indicating that he is just about to cry. Javier releases you from his grasp, âYou get him and Iâll finish up here. Dinner in twenty, donât you think?â
âSure, baby,â you say with a final peck to his lips. You leave the kitchen, ascending the stairs with a little noise, and when Javier glances out into the entry hall, he sees you walk upstairs with a hand on the small of your back. Sebastian has started to cry but you reassure him all the way through the house, âIâm coming, mijo (my son).â
Javier finishes up dinner. He faintly hears you tell Lucas to go set the table, and when your son starts taking plates out of the drawer, InĂŠs enters the kitchen while rubbing her eyes, awakened by the noise.Â
âHola, mi niĂąa cansada (hello, my tired girl),â Javier says as she leans into his side. He turns the pan on the hob so that the handle doesnât stick out from over the edge, then runs his hand over his daughterâs hair.Â
âNo estoy cansada, papĂĄ (Iâm not tired, Daddy),â she protests while fighting a yawn.Â
âÂżEntonces tienes hambre (Are you hungry then)?â He asks with a hidden, amused smile.Â
âSĂ (yes),â she wraps her arms around his waist.Â
"Si tienes hambre, ayuda a tu hermano a poner la mesa (If youâre hungry, help your brother with setting the table),â he runs his hand over her back, caressing her gently while stirring the chicken and vegetables.Â
âOkay, papĂĄ,â she says, her stomach probably growling since sheâs not protesting hard labor.Â
Lucas has finished carrying plates, glasses, and cutlery to the dining table. He pulls out a chair for InĂŠs to stand on, directing her thoroughly on where everything goes until you enter the kitchen again with Sebastian on your hip.Â
âIt looks so good!â You praise with a big grin, genuinely proud to see both of your eldest kids cooperating so well, âAnd the cutlery on the right sides!âÂ
Javier turns back to have a look, holding a hand up to give them both a high five. You send him a smile only reserved for him, walking to put Sebastian into his high chair afterward. You go to the living room to find a few toys he can play with until dinner is ready.Â
âCan I watch Nanalan after dinner?â InĂŠs asks during dinner, mouth full of food.Â
âIf you practice your counting first,â you compromise.Â
Without hesitation, InĂŠs starts saying numbers out loud, âOne, two, three, four, five, sixâŚâ
âInĂŠs,â you say, a crease on your forehead.
âYou drive a hard bargain, Mrs. PeĂąa,â Javier teases, âBut I think you walked right into that one.â
âShush, you,â you tut and, out of spite, listen closely after any errors in your daughterâs count.Â
After dinner, you take on the job of clearing the table and filling up the dishwasher. Lucas gets a free pass from helping so he can go pop the Nanalan VHS tape into the TV, setting it up for you all to enjoy in just a moment.Â
Sebastian plays with a few toy cars as he sits in his high chair. He coos softly, making noises to match the tiny red vehicle.Â
InĂŠs, still full of energy, practices counting backward with Javier while you wash up the pan in the sink. He can see you listening to them even with your back turned, knows that you are smiling without looking at your face.Â
âCâmon, baby. What comes after six?â He asks, having pulled her chair out to stand in front of her.Â
âSeven!â She answers confidently and it is technically not wrong.
He smiles with amusement, âWeâre counting backward. Down from ten. Try again. TeeeenâŚâ
âTen⌠nine⌠eightâŚâ she says loudly.Â
Javier waits patiently. He holds up the number of fingers equal to the numbers she is saying. She furrows her brows in concentration and continues, âSeven⌠six⌠fiveâŚâ
âYouâre doing so good, baby,â he encourages.Â
InĂŠs grips the seat of her chair in excitement, âThree!â
âAre you sure?â He stops her briefly.Â
She looks up at him, hesitating for a moment and seeking reassurance, âFour.â
He nods, âYou got this.â
She smiles brightly, âThree! Two! One!â
âBien hecho, Princesa (well done, princess)!â He praises loudly and leans down over her to kiss the top of her head repeatedly, âEres mi chica lista (youâre my clever girl).â
She stretches up her arms to which he responds by lifting her up from the chair with a groan. She is getting so big, he thinks as he places her on his hip, or maybe he is just getting old. He gets an idea, even if itâll hurt the muscles in his back, âYou know, baby, counting backward is very important. Thatâs what they do when they launch rockets into space. Try again, see what happens.â
InĂŠsâ eyes light up as she starts counting again. She rushes through it, seeming to do well when something unknown comes afterward. When she gets to one, Javier lifts her high into the air and spins in the kitchen.Â
âLiftoff!â He announces, moving around in figure eights to imitate her flying and she squeals with laughter. The sound is one of those that bubble up in her chest, completely unrestrained and pure in its entirety, and Javierâs heart goes into overdrive when he knows that he is the one causing it. Thereâs nothing that can hurt him in these moments, nothing that can bring him down from the pride he takes in making his kids feel safe and happy.Â
âOh no!â He continues his part, âInĂŠs PeĂąa, well-renowned astronaut, is attacked by aliens from el planeta rojo (the red planet)!â
âÂĄPapĂĄ, no (Daddy, no)!â She giggles and wiggles in his arms as he buries his nose in her cheek, âÂĄNo permitas que me atrapen los alienĂgenas (Donât let the aliens catch me)!âÂ
âToo late!â He tells her before pretending to sink his teeth into her round cheek. He growls like only an alien attacker would and his daughter shrieks with laughter.Â
He stops to let her breathe, her little form shaking as she tries to regain her composure. She throws her arms around his neck, looking over at you in secret and lowering her voice to a whisper thatâs way too loud.Â
âDo it to Mommy!â She demands.Â
You perk up at hearing your nickname and turn around with your hands covered in dish soap and water. You watch, like a deer in the headlights, as Javier places InĂŠs down on her feet. He smirks like a devil and you step backwards but only bump into the kitchen counter. Your wet arms come up to screen your face as he approaches you, looking devilish with his arms out in front of him. He makes grabby hands in the air.Â
âYou are not doing that to me!â You squeak. He leans into you, and the look behind your arms tells him that you know it is a fight that you have already lost. Still, you try to sidestep him but he just cages you with a quick sweep of his arms.Â
âI got you now. No hay manera de escapar, mi amor (there is no escaping, my love),â he moves your arms away without caring about getting wet himself and pulls you into a tight embrace. He bites into your cheek a mere moment later, growling like a dog whilst InĂŠs laughs so loudly that your look says that you might let him give you five more children if he wants. The nibbles turn into several silly kisses, eventually turning into a long, deep kiss too. God, he is going to make love to you tonight.
Behind the two of you, InĂŠs makes a noise of disgust, âEw! Mushy Daddy!âÂ
Javier pulls away from you and wipes his hands in his shirt. He ruffles InĂŠsâ hair, âWell, you better run to your brother if you donât want to see Mommy get another big kiss from Daddy.â
InĂŠs dashes off towards the living room with uncontrollable giggles. Once sheâs out of sight, Javier turns to see you drying your hands in a kitchen towel. He seeks you out and you meet his embrace by throwing your arms around his neck.Â
âDo you think I missed my calling as an alien invader?â He asks with his lips resting against your ear as you hug.
He can feel you shaking your head, âNo, husband, I think youâre exactly where youâre supposed to be.â
âMhm, wife,â he pulls back to kiss you again, and again and again and again.Â
âTheyâre waiting in the living room,â you stop him, a hand on his chest to reluctantly push him away, âIâll take Seb.âÂ
The five of you watch a few episodes together in a pile on the couch. Sebastian sits in your lap while InĂŠs cuddles up into Javierâs side. Lucas mutes his video game but chooses it over the childrenâs show, repeatedly pressing buttons and trying not to make too loud noises when he wins or loses.Â
It ends with the usual bedtime routines an hour later. Teeth are brushed, all three children have no complaints during bathtime, bedtime stories are told and forehead kisses are given even if InĂŠs is already out cold. Javier loves this the most, at least when it goes smoothly.
Eventually, the evening leaves your pile on the couch to only consist of the two of you.Â
âWe put InĂŠs to bed thirty minutes ago and weâre still watching Nanalan,â you note from your side of the couch, looking at Javier out of the corner of your eye and snickering before you reach the end of your sentence.Â
Javier tears his eyes from the screen, his body slumped into the corner of the couch and with the blanket draped over his body. He hides a smile, knowing he has the upper hand in this situation, âWell, get the remote then.â
You have your legs pulled up with them crossed underneath you. You grimace and pat your stomach, âNever gonna happen with this belly.â
He cracks a smile, tone serious in a joking manner which he knows always gets you, âWell then you sit there and keep quiet. Iâm missing my show. I havenât seen if Mona learns a lesson yet.âÂ
With that, he fixes his gaze on the TV again. You throw your head back to laugh at his silliness and accidentally snort. You squirm and he knows youâre trying your best not to pee a little from the giggling. You cover your mouth but Javierâs head still whips around to stare at you again, looking like he should be a cartoon character with hearts in their eyes.
He starts moving, crawls further toward you, and drags the blanket with him to cover both of your bodies. You shove at him, âGet the remote, PeĂąa.â
âDidnât you hear what I just said?â He scoffs, cuddling up next to you, halfway lying down and crossing his arms over his chest, âIâm not switching channels here. I like Nana. Sheâs wise.â
âShe your favorite?â You smirk down at him, teasing him still.Â
âNo, youâre my favorite, mi amor (my love),â he wiggles his brows, staring up at you with every intention of making you laugh, âStop asking stupid questions.â
âSmooth,â you smile with a shake of your head. You purse your lips and he groans dramatically when he moves up to kiss you, pecking your mouth gently. You reach to ruffle his hair until it is untidy.
âYou know, baby, my hair takes all night to style,â he sighs and starts to flatten the stray locks again, âYou could be a little more considerate.â
âIâm pregnant,â you argue, âYou try being considerate.â
âYouâve been pregnant for nearly two years straight,â his eyes wander back to Nana and Mona.
âAnd whose fault is that?â You start to watch too.Â
âShut up.â
âI rest my case.â
The both of you watch Nanalan for a while. With a foot, Javier pulls the coffee table closer for you so you can stretch your legs and rest your feet on it. You seem less invested in whether Mona will learn how to take care of the baby bird in Nanaâs garden than he is but it doesnât matter because during the episode, your positions shift and suddenly you are resting against him instead. He feels like a teenager each time this happens, heart racing at having a pretty girl in close proximity, but unlike 16-year-old Javier PeĂąa, he has already gotten the girl and is therefore without clammy hands.
He drapes his arm around your back until his hand rests on your waist, pulling your pregnant body against himself until you automatically lean your head on his shoulder. In the end, you doze off, having gotten into a habit of falling asleep in front of the television.Â
When the credits roll over the screen, he nudges you, âLetâs get you to bed.â
You whine so adorably and scoot further into his side, âI donât want to go all the way upstairs.â
âIf you donât get up, Iâll do it again,â he says, intending to confuse you.Â
You pull back to look at him with furrowed brows, âDo what?â
Javier pokes the tip of his nose into your cheek and then imitates a series of bites to your face just like earlier. He makes the noise of a dinosaur this time, growling close to your ear and making you squeal from the tickling sensation it gives.Â
âNo!â You shriek, âIâll get up! I swear!â
âAre you sure?â Javier doesnât stop, only nuzzles further into you and bites the flesh of your cheek for real this time. His whole body fills up with butterflies as you laugh at his torment.Â
When eventually showing you mercy, he throws the blanket to the side and pushes himself to stand up. You put your feet on the floor and take his hands when he holds them out for you. He hauls you to your feet.Â
After a quick shared shower, you moisturize your belly in the bedroom and pick out your sleepwear whilst he dresses in a new pair of briefs. It is a quiet and relaxing ritual where none of you speak a word, moving around each other in synchronous harmony.Â
Itâs when you go to pee and change that he notices the little device on the nightstand, plugged in to charge, and he furrows his brow in confusion. The door is closed to the bathroom and he can hear the sound of your toothbrushing, so you wonât be barging in on him as he satisfies his curiosity.Â
With quick fingers, he pulls the cord out of the bottom and holds it closer to his face to examine the little pink thing. He hasnât seen one of these before; staring down into the hole at the top and trying to make sense of what will happen when he presses the button.Â
The little thing whirs to life when he does and he can see the way the tip pulses erratically, sparking his interest and triggering the instinct to hold it against the palm of his hand. His brows nearly rise into his hair as he feels the way the vibrator suckles on his skin, so he taps his hand a few times to feel it let go and attach again. Itâs when he realizes what itâs meant to do for you that he feels his cock move in his briefs. It happens again when he knows it means that you have used it today whilst being home alone.Â
He presses the button on the side again and feels the vibrations become more intense and he nearly throws the cute thing across the room when he tries to turn it off by pressing the button again and the buzzing only gets louder and louder and more and more intense.Â
âYou two need a moment alone?â You ask from the doorway to the bathroom, smirking as he sheepishly finds your gaze. You have changed into a pair of way too tiny sleep shorts and one of his gray t-shirts, and it looks so naturally stunning on you that he nearly drops the toy. Why is he hard? Christ, he is possibly aching. He wants to throw you on the bed and pull those tiny shorts off andâ
âDid you two already have a moment alone?â He asks when he has regained his composure.Â
âMaybe, and maybe it was pretty great,â you tease and make your way to him. When you stand in front of him on your side of the bed, your eyes wander downward until you stare at the bulge on the front of his briefs. Your tone is triumphant and sing-songy, âYouâre hard.â
âYouâre wearing my t-shirt,â he notes as if itâs the most logical explanation in the world. His gaze drops to the way the soft cotton fabric drapes over your tits, leaving just enough up to the imagination but clearly showing off the way your nipples have hardened at the conversation. He twirls the little sucking toy in his hands, wants to make you come with it attached to your nipple until he can see heat rising in your cheeks and then heâll let the device do its job between your legs.Â
âHorndog,â you roll your eyes affectionately, âI canât even wear clothes? I thought it would be not wearing any clothes that would get you.â
âCan I try this on you?â He decides to be straightforward and just asks while holding the vibrator up between the two of you, âYou can guide me.â
âNow?â You raise a brow.Â
âYes, now,â he huffs out a dark, little laugh and takes a step further toward you as if he is a predator caging his pretty prey. You donât seem affected by it but your nipples might soon poke holes in your shirt, âI mean, Iâm a little curious here, so if youâre up for it. I was gonna try to get laid anywayâŚâ
âCharming,â you let yourself fall down into bed, sitting on the edge. Javier places the toy on the nightstand to grab underneath your knees, lifting your legs to help you scoot back onto the mattress.Â
âIs that a yes?â He awaits your green light.Â
âYes. Donât go overboard with it though. Itâs pretty intense,â you reply and hook your fingers into the waistband of your shorts. You start to shimmy out of them and he helps you completely out of them when they sit around your knees. Then he bends your legs and spreads them apart.Â
âTell me what to do,â he goes to grab the toy again, kneels between your legs, and awaits orders. He clicks the button and the little thing comes alive once again. Youâre just about to reply when he cannot help but ask, âDoes it work on your tits?â
âI thought you wanted me to guide you,â you retort but in response to his question, you reach for the hem of your t-shirt and start to pull it up over your pregnant body. He stops you when it sits just above your tits, coming closer to you by spreading his thighs until you drape your own thighs over them.Â
âShut it⌠and listen to this. Itâs pretty loud,â he notes as he feels the little sucker on his palm again, tapping the heel of his hand with it.Â
âItâs quieter when itâs in place,â you say with heat in your cheeks, anticipation evident on your face, âSo donât worry about switching up the intensity when I get close.âÂ
âAh⌠but no going overboard,â he nods, grinning down at you. Sure. He drags out the testing on his palm to get you worked up even more, knowing it will only increase the pulse in your whole body until you might cuss him out when he actually goes to work on you. He loves your body when it is pregnant and sensitive, and while he would never let anyone in on what the two of you do behind closed doors, thereâs a part of him that wants to brag to Steve about how you cream yourself from getting your breasts played with whenever you have a baby - this time babies - in your belly or your body is raging with postpartum hormones. Oh, he thinks to himself, what a privilege it is to get to see you like he will in just a moment.Â
âJavi,â you complain beneath him.Â
âYeah yeah, chica impaciente (impatient girl),â he tuts and finally places the toy against the skin of your cleavage. You suck in a breath, reacting already more intensely than he thought you would. He supposes that itâs due to knowing how itâs going to feel, and he elicits a little moan from you as he drags the head of the toy across your chest.Â
âDonât tease me,â you grumble, squeezing your thighs around his waist. When he looks down between your legs, he can see the way it makes your cunt clench too. Youâre trying to stimulate yourself untouched.Â
âChrist, youâre a dirty little girl for this thing. What magic does it do for you?â He raises his brows and inches the toy closer to your right breast. He dances around the swell and you bite your lower lip.
âYou donât understand,â you say breathlessly.
âHumor me,â he demands.Â
âIt feels⌠like when your teeth nip at my skin,â you explain with eyes that are already glazed over with desire, âIt feels like when your mouth is just about to get where I waâ Fuck.â
Javier has covered your right nipple with the toy and between your legs, a damp spot has marked the white sheets. He moves the head of the little sucker around your gorgeous, perky nipple and your moan only increases in volume.Â
âShh, los niĂąos estĂĄn dormidos (the children are asleep),â he whispers above you, removing the toy to lean down over you and get closer to your face, âKeep your little mouth shut or Iâll need to stop.â
You look desperately at him, shake your head, and whimper at the threat. He pecks your lips with a pleased smirk before you sink your teeth into your bottom lip. It gets even harder for you when he descends on you, gathering spit in his mouth before letting it drip down onto your played-with nipple in an obscene manner.Â
âWaterproof, Iâm guessing?â He awaits your answer.Â
âMhm,â you nod and then writhe as he covers the peak of your breast again. You let your hand push down into the mattress, making a noise in the back of your throat as he presses the button to turn up the intensity. You fight between throwing your head back and keeping your eyes fixed on what he is doing to you.Â
âEyes on me,â he decides for you.Â
âBaby,â you whine and follow through, thighs tightening around his waist as you stare at him. You start thrusting against nothing, lifting your pelvis to squeeze your pussy in time with the still somewhat slow pulses to your chest.Â
Javier straightens fully again and your gaze follows obediently. He lifts his left hand to his mouth, sticking two fingers past his lips to wet them with his spit, and then he finds your other nipple. He rubs in soft circles for just a moment before he pinches it between the two digits, tugging at it slightly until he sees slick drip from your aching slit. He cannot help the soft noise he lets out as he watches the drip of your come hit the bed. He is so hard it hurts from just thinking about being inside of you as you continue flexing your pelvis like that.
How the fuck are you going to come from just this? Has he really spent so much time in bed with you that this is something he can force out of you? He is struck by fascination at your trembling body, letting you breathe, even if itâs just barely, by swirling the toy around your nipple.Â
âMore,â you pant in frustration, swallowing down a frustrated moan to not piss him off, âTurn it up.â
âHey, thatâs not how we ask for things in this family. Whatâs the magic word?â He teases, finger hovering over the button. He pinches your nipple with the fingers on his other hand, forcing a cry past your lips. You donât even get to the please.Â
Instead, your hand flies to your mouth but you manage to calm your noises again, sliding your fingers into your hair instead. Javier decides then to press the button twice before putting it back on you, watching those fingers yank at your own follicles. You nod and your hips are practically gyrating by now.Â
âJavi, fuâ fuck,â you gasp out, âIââ
âI know, baby. I can see it on you,â he says, making a noise low in his throat at the way your head falls back into the mattress. Your eyes roll back into your skull, your bottom lip getting caught between your teeth again as you teeter on the edge of your first orgasm. He cannot believe your clit is still untouched because when he dares look down, it peeks out from underneath its hood as if heâs been giving it attention.Â
âIâm gonna come,â you announce with a strained voice, still very aware of your noise levels. Quickly, you reach down to cover your mouth with the whole of your palm and then, with furrowed brows, youâre off into ecstasy. It hits you like a shot of adrenaline, your body going rigid before writhing on the sheets. The hand on your mouth turns your moans into desperate whines that stir Javierâs desire even more. His heart races at the sight, his eyes watching hungrily as you come undone the first time of many.Â
âJesus Christ, MamĂĄ,â he removes his hands and turns off the toy when you go from enjoying the tingling of pleasure to shaking at the oversensitivity of your breasts.Â
The hand falls from your satisfied smile to lay beside your head. You giggle as excitement is flowing through your veins, âGimme a second and you can go again.â
âIs it better than me?â He smiles at your cute laughter and wiggles his brow.
âDonât be ridiculous,â you roll your eyes, âNot even close but itâs nice if youâre not available.â
âYou know⌠I would come home during my break if you needed me,â he leaves the toy next to you so he can crawl over you and dip down for a long kiss.Â
âIâm sure you would,â you nod at his words, slipping your tongue past his lips.Â
He holds himself up with a forearm above you so he can use his free hand to push your shirt further up and over your head. You stretch your arms above your head to help him rid you of it completely, only breaking the kiss for the moment it takes.Â
âIâm ready for one more,â you say after a few minutes of just making out with him, arms slung around his neck in a desperate embrace and lips kissing him until theyâre swollen. When he sits up on his knees again, he notices the way that his mustache has scratched you slightly and makes a mental note to trim it sometime tomorrow.Â
You look so radiant when youâre in a haze of post-orgasmic bliss, and while he gets his pillow to place it underneath your hips, he admires the beauty of you underneath him like this. You have your hair tousled, your eyes are half-lidded, barely open from the way remnants of pleasure still hasnât been washed away from them, and your velvety skin glistens with a sheen of sweat thatâll make you shiver if he doesnât heat you up again. Javier wants to lick it off, wants to eat you up until he has devoured you. Youâre beyond softer and sexier than any other time he gets to witness you.Â
âJavi,â you murmur softly when heâs too slow.Â
âWhat, mi amor (my love)?â He pretends not to hear your demanding voice hidden beneath your tired one.Â
âI wanna do it again,â you have a playful glint in your eye.Â
âAgain?â He teases but his cock pulses, heavy between his legs at the knowledge that he will see you come undone once more in just a moment. He chooses the word moment because the little sucker knows what it is doing and if you respond so well to getting your nipples played with, a part of him is afraid that itâll be over the second it touches your clit.Â
âJavi,â you drag out his name in further frustration.Â
Javier rubs your thigh soothingly, âYouâre obsessed with this thing. How long have you had it?âÂ
âUhh, not long,â you reply, visibly clenching at just hearing the toy start buzzing again. You scoot further towards him, presenting your pussy for him.
âSo directly? Or?â He reaches down between your legs, the toy hovering over your mound for a moment before he decides to let it suckle on the skin of your inner thigh where he has just touched you. You breathe deeply in through your nose, wanting to look down at what he is doing but your pregnant belly is already shielding it from view.Â
âYes but the lowest setting,â you instruct. Your hand dips down between your thighs to spread your lips, giving him access to your hard clit, âIâm still sensitive.â
âAnd wet, ÂĄDios mĂo (my God)!â He marvels with suppressed excitement and moves the toy inwards, trailing its tip until it sits right by your hand. You sigh at the attention, dripping even more from your slit in anticipation.Â
Your hips hitch up when he finally covers your clit with the hole of the toy, a quiet moan slipping from your mouth as it falls open. Your face goes slack in contrast to the tension in your pelvis, your body subconsciously moving around to seek the most sensation.Â
He guides it steadily up and down, barely rocking it but still moving it enough to create just a bit of a tug on your swollen nub. He sees you lose yourself in it and stares down at you while cupping the bulge on the front of his briefs to relieve some of the desperate pain. He moans low in his throat, âMi chica bonita (my beautiful girl).â
You respond with a little louder noise, an orgasm already creeping up on you. He shushes you gently, âNo noise, baby. Try breathing through your nose or Iâll have to cover your mouth.âÂ
You clamp your mouth shut and make a muffled sound.
âLook at that pussy flutter for me,â he looks between your legs then smiles up at you, pleased with what he is doing to you. He turns up the power on the toy. Your head falls back against the bed. He sees your brows knit together and then he knows, âCome on, baby, thatâs it.â
Your orgasm hits you like a lightning bolt. Javier watches with his hand gripping firmly around the outline of his cock and the toy held firmly against your core. You do a fantastic job of making as little noise as possible but the desire to make a racket is there beneath the surface, especially when your high peaks and thereâs a moment where you hold your breath just before shivering with the pleasure in your cunt.Â
He gives you another break but you shake your head. He looks curiously down at you, uncertain if you mean it, âNo? Again?â
âMake it hurt, please, Javi,â you beg and he thinks he might come untouched from those words. Itâs so rare to have you like this when the house is still full. He doesnât doubt whether it is a good idea though, just turns up the heat and sends you hurtling towards another orgasm.Â
You gasp towards the ceiling and slam your legs closed while you grab at the sheets. You look like you are possessed, eyes rolling back into your skull as you come a third time. It must be painful because you are whimpering like a wounded animal, nearly ripping the fabric underneath you and begging silently by only mouthing the words in a worse manner than he has ever experienced as a father of three - soon five - children.Â
âKeep going,â you demand almost angrily, concentration on your face as he presses the button to the next level of pulses.Â
âFuck, baby,â he whispers, âYouâre about to levitate into the air, arenât you?â
âIâm gonna come,â you inform him breathlessly.
âAlready?â Javierâs brows are nearly in his hair. He is stroking himself on top of his underwear now, itching to feel something when you are lying in a pool of tears, sweat, and your come. Seeing you like this, he has no idea how he is ever going to get anything practical done this weekend; heâll be doing you every chance he gets until you canât walk. So hard that heâll have an excuse to stay home with you on Monday just so he can spear you on his aching cock over and over. Even if you scream, even if you drool, and even if you sob.
When your fourth orgasm of the night starts to gain up on you, he observes the way your legs start to twitch. He holds the toy steady, pushing it against your clit as you nearly go cross-eyed with pleasure. His eyes are wide, the concentration lost for just a second too long when your legs start shaking as you near your end. The toy slips just half an inch, losing its grip on your clit and the accident turns you feral. You reach for his hand, yanking the toy out of his palm, and settle it back into place.Â
And then you come. So hard that he has no idea what to say or do, watching a steady trickle of pearly white mess gush out of you as your pussy jumps along with your heartbeat. You try so desperately to keep quiet but the sensation seems to be so intense that you might draw blood from your lip if you donât get to cry.Â
âOne loud one, no, no, look at me. One,â he tells you calmly, knowing you are probably seeing spots, âLet me hear.â
You donât hesitate, face scrunched up in ecstasy while you let out a wreaking sob thatâs so close to you screaming that he almost (but not really) regrets allowing you to be noisy. You pant, kick, and scream, tears running down your face as you are lost to the world, leaving him with nothing to do but stare hungrily as he thanks the heavens that you have found a toy that makes you look so happy and beautiful. Heâd be its lead promoter if someone wanted him to.Â
When it becomes too much, you donât even turn off the thing. You simply just let it fall from your hands and slump into the bed, your thighs sticky with sweat and slick against Javierâs own. He listens for the sound of tiny footsteps down the hallway for a moment but thereâs nothing, not even a squeak from the baby monitor.
âGet inside of me,â you half-beg, half-order with barely any breath in your chest. Javier doesnât hesitate to step off the bed, slipping his briefs off, and stepping out of them when they pool around his feet. Your eyes watch, huge and wet, filled with desperation for being stretched out after only having your clit played with. He will never dream of denying you when you look like that. You nearly hiccup, âPlease.â
âShh, youâll get it, mi vida (my life), youâll get whatever you want,â he soothes softly but then continues the rough streak. He curls his hands around the back of your knees and yanks you off the pillow towards the edge of the bed, sliding your body through the mess you have created.Â
You are like a siren with the eyes you are sending him, making his cock stand in the air and at level with your empty cunt. He grabs at the base of his length, guiding the thick head through your folds for a few seconds to slick himself up. However, the need to be inside of you, to pound into you, is too much and he pushes into you not long after.Â
The feeling of filling you up has Javierâs heart pounding against his ribs, endorphins running through his system as his mind quiets down completely when he has you like this. Your warm and familiar walls engulf his touch-starved cock and the both of you breathe shakily in relief as you melt together. You even manage a mix between a breathless laugh and a quiet moan, a sound that makes him twitch inside of you as he regains his composure. When he starts fucking you, dragging you by your legs down onto his cock over and over again, he realizes that he doesnât even need to be careful, your walls so wet and soft from how much youâve been touched.Â
He repeatedly snaps his hips forward to cause an obscene smacking noise that bounces off the walls. You nod frantically at the way he moves inside of you, nose scrunching up with concentration on the sensation of his dick slamming into your front wall. Yet it seems as if youâve become nearly impossible to please from coming so many times; your hands are placed on top of his, frustration evident on your face, âHarder.âÂ
âNena (baby girl),â he pants whilst fucking you, âIâm already going hard.â
âI need it harder,â you whine, writhing slightly, âPlease.â
âWhatâs gotten into you tonight?â He asks playfully and earns a glare that you only seem to perfect when you are pregnant and not getting your way. He smooths his palms up and down your sweaty thighs, thrusts coming to a complete halt, âCrawl back.â
He pulls out his cock with a grunt, letting you gaze hungrily at it when youâve seen it glistening with your wetness. He is the one getting impatient now, snapping his fingers to keep up the part he is playing for you, his role as the man in charge even if itâs hardly true, âGo on then. Back.â
You move with shaky limbs, your body exhausted from its continuous stimulus. You end up lying flat on your back with your legs wide open for him, holding out your arms with a tiny dissatisfied complaint of a whimper, âJavi.â
Javier finally kneels on the bed and moves forward until he is hovering above you. He grabs the still buzzing toy on the bed and reaches for your hand. He places the toy in your palm and closes your fingers around it, knowing what he wants, âI just need you to promise me that youâll choke my dick when I fuck you with this joining the fun.â
You nod repeatedly and thatâs good enough for him to go crazy for you, even wreck the bed if thatâs what you want to do. Thank God that thereâs no school tomorrow because youâd be hobbling around with how sore he is going to make - and has already made - you. He leans down and cages you underneath him, buries his face in your neck as he bottoms out inside you in one hard thrust. His pelvis touches yours, his chest, your sensitive tits, his body unable to get close enough.
When he rocks his hips this time, he starts really putting his back into it. You slide your free hand up his bicep to cling to his shoulder, saving yourself from being pushed across the mattress with how forcefully he drives his cock into your heat.
He breathes hard as he exhausts his body to give you what you need, knowing that you can take it even if it aches. He can feel drops of sweat slide down the length of his spine, gathering at the small of his back as he switches to harsh rolls of his hips.Â
The switch gives you room. He doesnât have to actively listen for the muffling of the sucking toyâs buzz to know that you have started to hold it against your clit because your whole cunt jumps at the attention.Â
You press your mouth into his bare shoulder to muffle your screams, bravely taking on another round of obscene pleasure as his lower belly burns with the desire to come.Â
His head swims with the overtaxing use of his muscles, the strain on his thighs that has started to ache from how much he wants to make your head spin. He feels a tear fall from your eye and drop down on his skin, your whimpering voice trying to encourage him not to stop the torture of your cunt.Â
âFuck,â he gasps as the sensations are becoming increasingly more intense. He turns his head to breathe heavily against your ear, breathing damp against the shell of it when he tries to speak while his lungs empty as small puffs of air. He wants to tell you how good it feels, and concentrates on whispering filthy things in your ear, âThatâs it, you canâ oh God, you can take it, baby.â
You sound like youâre trying to overcome your own body, fluctuating between whines and groans. He goes on, âNo wonder youâre always carrying my babies. You take it so fucking well each time, amor (love). Made for it. Made for getting knocked up.â
You lock your legs around his ankles, clinging to him as he crashes into you repeatedly. He hears you desperately move the sucking toy back and forth, hears the intensity being turned up to a higher level than he has even dared. You sound pornographic even in your quietness - like one of those videos where they donât want to get caught but just cannot keep all noise at bay - as you get fucked by him whilst it sends you through the gates of pleasure heaven simultaneously.Â
âPlease,â you whisper.Â
âAnd if you werenât made for it, Iâd be sure to mold that little pussy into shape,â he growls quietly. You start to have that dazed look in your eye, have a grip around his cock that tells him exactly what is going to happen, âOh, baby. You gonna come on my cock, huh?âÂ
âYeah,â you squeak.Â
âYeah?â He mocks.Â
Javier enters the final sprint, fucking you open in a frantic rush that almost borders on being gross, greedy and animalistic. You mewl pathetically from the intensity, biting into his skin as he makes you come with pleasure slamming through your body roughly enough to make you start crying.Â
To soothe you, he pulls back his head to kiss you longingly even if it becomes nothing more than a messy crash of your mouths together. He does it to quieten down himself too, finding that his stomach is tightening and his balls are drawing up from being so close. Youâve tightened around him too because whereas you should remove the sucker from your clit, once again, you donât, and the questionable choice has your walls clamping down on him in overstimulation, squeezing his dick so heavenly that his hips stutter. He comes inside of you when the smaller fit has him seeing stars, groaning into your mouth as he pulses into you.Â
The buzz of the toy becomes louder again but only because it slips from your hand, your body trembling with overwhelming excitement as you come down from your millionth orgasm in a fairly short period of time. You sob without being sad, curling in on yourself as soon as he pulls out of the dripping mess between your legs. He is on you instantaneously, pushing your hair out of your face, turning off the toy, and cooing gently.Â
âOh, Nena (baby girl), youâre okay,â he tuts while you cry quietly, several teardrops rolling down your nose as your body tries to escape itself. He kisses your shoulder, blows a raspberry on it, âYou did so good for me. Youâre okay. We just went a little overboard.â
Javier rolls off of you but instead of following the instinct to rest his exhausted body by lying down, he sits up in your shared bed. He scoots close to you until he can coax you to drag yourself into his lap with a feeble whimper, wrapping his arms around you and rocking you back and forth like a newborn. He supposes you must feel rebirthed. You sob into his chest, cheek pressed into where his heart hammers, and still overwhelmed with the painful pleasure that you have just experienced.Â
âShh,â he whispers with his lips pressed to the crown of your head. He kisses your hair, rubbing soothing circles into your sweaty back until your cries turn into tiny hiccups instead, âItâs alright. Youâre alright.â
The way you cling to him tells him that you feel safe with him. He dares lift your chin, looking into your puffy, red eyes and rubbing a tear-streak away from your face. His voice is raspy from sex, âAre you okay, baby?âÂ
âIâm okay,â you croak with a tired and tiny smile, shivering as the sweat starts to cool down. He holds you a little tighter. You relax in his arms even despite getting a bit of control back, âScatterbrained.â
âLo sĂŠ (I know),â he huffs out a chuckle with another kiss to your head. He cups your jaw and dips down for a kiss on the lips too, thumb rubbing affectionately along your cheekbone, âPero eres tan hermosa (but youâre so pretty).â
âThank you,â you cover his hand on your face with your own, âIâm ready to conk out.â
âShower?â He asks and suggests at the same time.
âI wonât be able to stand upright for that long,â you run your hand over your forehead instead, laughing quietly.
âAlright, bath it is then,â he gently runs his fingers through your hair, âReady?â
âYouâre going to carry me?â You ask with a raised brow as he starts moving towards the edge of the bed with you, âI weigh a ton with this pregnant belly.âÂ
âI do lifts with our daughter on the daily, you know,â he jokes, âBest workout method in years. Even if she talks a lot.â
You yelp with a laugh as he picks you up effortlessly and carries you through the bathroom, crossing the tiled floor with you in his arms bridal style, and sets you carefully on the edge of the bathtub. As he turns on the tap and lets the tub fill, he imagines the cool porcelain is nice against your sore thighs and cunt.Â
After testing the water, he gently helps you into the tub with a comfortable silence between you. The content look on your face is a reward in itself, even moreso the sigh that you let out as the water envelops you and turns your tired muscles to putty.Â
Javier washes your hair, leaning your head back and scooping water into his hand to rinse out the shampoo. He runs his fingers across your back and shoulders too, relieving some of the tension he has caused tonight.Â
âWhat about dinner tomorrow?â You ask out of the blue and he nearly wants to laugh because, of course, youâre already back to being a mother.Â
He puts conditioner in your hair, âI was just inside of you.â
âAnd that means that I canât start planning your kidsâ best lives?â You tease.Â
He rolls his eyes affectionately, âFine. I think we should just do something easy.â
âActually,â you say. Here we go, he thinks. You turn your head to look up at him, âThe kids have been talking about a picnic in the backyard, and Lucas really wants to try out the new tent we bought.â
âMhm,â he hums, not protesting. It does sound fun.Â
âAnd I checked the weather forecast earlier,â you add then clarify, âIt wonât rain.â
âBaby,â he says with an affectionate smile as he rinses out the conditioner too, âYou need to shut down that brain of yours. You do plenty enough to keep us happy.â
âIt does shut down sometimes,â you reassure him with a little smile, rubbing your nose in a manner that he always finds adorable. You lean back to simply soak in the warm water, belly just poking out above the surface, âWhen you touch me.â
Javier lays a hand on your stomach, caressing you in slow circles. He feels playful when he knows youâre getting back into your normal self again, âGuess Iâll just have to keep touching you then.â
âI guess so,â you reply simply, eyes closed and a lazy smile on your face. Jesus Christ, he loves you and everything you have given him.Â
âIâll let you sit here for a few more minutes, really let you cook,â he tells you, bending down to kiss your hair. He pushes himself to stand, âIâm gonna go plug your new friend in all over. I think we drained the battery.â
âDonât pass out,â you say in a sing-song voice, âLove you.â
âTe amo tanto, mi amor (I love you so much, my love),â he replies and leaves you alone with a hand on your belly. He hears you talk to his unborn children, and itâs almost sad that the time it takes for him to wash the toy gently in the sink, plug it in, and head back to you isnât long.Â
Finally, with his help, you finish the bath. He helps you to the seat of the toilet, hands you a towel, and drains water from the tub.
âI had the same old question today,â he small-talks while you are on the toilet to dry yourself. He steps over the edge of the newly-drained tub to stand in it, pulling the shower head off the wall to wash himself down from the remnants of what you have just done in bed. Heâll hurry up to finish before you so you donât start changing the sheets in your pregnant condition.Â
âYeah?â You decide against what you are doing and go, albeit shakily, to find a flannel. You soak it in lukewarm water and instantly sigh as you place it between your legs.Â
âLucas wants that damn dog so badly,â he continues as he washes himself, âI told him it was a bad idea. He got pretty upset.â
âIs it? A bad idea, I mean?â You wash the flannel clean after using it and wring out the excess water before hanging it on the side of the laundry basket.
âI said yes but I also said it was you who had the final say in it. Iâm not carrying a litter,â he huffs a small laugh and steps out onto the bath mat. He dries himself, âTwo babies, a toddler, and a puppy seems like pushing it, baby, no matter how well-behaved.âÂ
âI had a dog growing up. It was pretty great and made me feel less alone,â you muse. You turn around to lean against the bathroom counter to steady yourself, watching him with a smile in your naked state, âWe could find one in a shelter. A grown one.â
God, you are pretty. He hangs up his towel and draws nearer, stopping only when he has you caged between the sink and himself. He leans in for a kiss and you cup his face whilst he talks, âYouâre so good.â
âWe could surprise him for his birthday. I donât like those puppies spending time in those cages during August. Itâs too hot. They should be running in the grass,â you scratch his cheeks with your nails, pouting slightly.Â
He kisses the pout off your face and puts a hand on your protruding belly, âYouâll look so beautiful during August.âÂ
âThis isnât about me,â you note with a grin and pat his hand, âFocus on your son for a second.â
âWeâll never be able to top that birthday present,â he says with his eyes glazed over by love, âJust saying.â
âBut heâll remember it for the rest of his life,â you argue.Â
âGuess weâll have to browse the local places then,â he gives in, sliding his hand around your waist.Â
âYouâre a great dad,â you return the caress by laying your palm on his bare chest. His pulse is high when you look at him like that, saying those things.Â
âDonât or Iâll have you right here again,â he threatens playfully.Â
Despite your previous state, you respond cockily by turning around so your ass is level with his dick. You lean forward slightly but only to grab your toothbrush for the second time tonight and disappoint him.Â
âAnything else happen today?â You ask as if nothing has happened whilst putting toothpaste on your brush. It matches his. You look at him through the mirror and he takes a moment to think, collecting his thoughts instead of getting hard again.Â
âOh, right, uh,â he gives up and takes a step to the side, reaching for his own toothbrush. You hand over the tube of toothpaste to him. He puts it back in its holder when he is done using it, âWell, thereâs a new kid in InĂŠsâ class. I ran into her mom or rather⌠InĂŠs ran into her.â
You raise a brow in the mirror.
âAnyway, she was real friendly,â he recalls the moment earlier and speaks around his toothbrush, âTheyâre new in town and she wanted someone to show her around. She actually invited us for coffee.â
You turn to him now, having stopped brushing your teeth. It looks like you are trying not to laugh at him, âJaviâŚâ
âYeah?â He turns to meet your gaze and furrows his brow. Oblivious.Â
âIâm sure she was super excited to invite you and your wife for coffee,â you chuckle, and a bit of toothpaste dribbles down your chin. You reach to wipe it off, âYouâre so stupid.â
âHey,â he clicks his tongue at you.Â
âDid you give her your number?â You ask casually.Â
âNo⌠I told her that I would find her contact info on the class sheet,â he tells you and you laugh for real this time.Â
âEver the romantic,â you snicker, âOh, you broke her heart with that.â
âFuck, do you think she was trying to come onto me?â Javier realizes the true meaning behind the interaction.Â
âWell, duh,â you start to brush your teeth again but cannot help giggling throughout the rest of cleaning them, âI bet she was batting her lashes at you.â
âI canât believe I didnât see it sooner. I thought she was just being friendly,â he continues his own brushing.Â
This happens more and more often. You are so deeply ingrained in his mind that his time as a casanova is so far behind him that he sometimes cannot pick up on these things anymore. He wants to say that itâs a conscious choice to be oblivious but it honestly is not. Thereâs just no one else but you.
âSo are you gonna call her? Is it serious?â You taunt him after rinsing your toothbrushes together.Â
âYouâre in for a smack to your ass if you continue,â Javier rolls his eyes in an attempt to hide the color of embarrassment in his cheeks. He hurries to go change the sheets before you start doing it.
âDonât threaten me with a good time,â you blink at him as you pass him to get your clothes from the bed before he has crumpled them up into the dirty sheets.Â
He smiles and gets dressed with you afterward, standing on each of your respective sides of the bed without saying much.Â
In bed, you kiss and say your âI love yousâ. He falls asleep after a few minutes of listening to your slowed breathing. Just like he has done thousands of times before. It never gets old.
.
.
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strangers | part 2
summary: nearly a month has passed since you agreed to go to california with joel, and you think you might love him. you trust him, and he makes you feel cared for and safe, but he hasn't been telling you the whole truth. eventually, you make a shocking discovery that makes him feel like a stranger to you all over again.
!!PLEASE READ WARNINGS, THIS IS A VERY DARK FIC!!
I've tried to label this fic as detailed and as boldly as possible. I will not be held responsible or bullied off the internet if you choose to read this potentially upsetting/triggering work of fiction anyway.
warnings: joel miller x f!reader, 18+, smut, age gap (reader is college-aged, joel is mid-50s), no outbreak au, serial killer!joel, dark!joel, DDDNE (graphic descriptions of blood, murder, and of captive/dead girls, non-con p-in-v sex (i'll say rape just in case but reader does not explicitly express non-consent), being held captive, degrading language toward victims/victim blaming, joel is implied to fantasize that you're dead while fucking you, kind of stockholm syndrome), non-con breathplay/choking, mommy & daddy issues, lying, gaslighting, coercion, manipulation, pet names (baby, darlin', sweetheart, babydoll, etc), no ellie/sarah but tommy has an unnamed daughter, somewhat inspired by "strangers" by ethel cain, vaguely set in the 70s/80s, please respectfully let me know if i missed anything and i will rectify the tags
word count: 8.1k
a/n: this is the second part. if the tags deter you from reading that's okay, just pretend joel and reader made it to california and they lived happily ever after. i understand i've written something dark and heavy and it isn't for everyone, you are welcome on my blog whether it's for you or not as long as everyone is respectful of each other <3
divider by @saradika
series masterlist/moodboard
read this chapter on ao3
part 3 (coming soon)
As the breeze begins to carry a chill that bites without the protection of a jacket or one of Joelâs flannels, the two of you have been spending the last month or so trying to outrun Autumn altogether as you make your way to California. Youâve crossed more state lines now than you ever couldâve imagined you would, and you and Joel have even made a game out of trying to spot the license plate of the farthest state away from wherever you are. He was impressed when you had recently managed to spot an Alaska plate in fucking Kansas, of all places.Â
You spend your days visiting cheesy tourist traps and collecting cheap souvenirs from their gift shops, and your nights in motels or in his truck or in goddamn gas station bathrooms tangled up in each otherâs bodies, unable to keep your hands off each other. The seal had finally broken just a few days after you had agreed to go to California with him, when he had laid his hand on your knee while he was driving, and you didnât stop him from sliding it higher and higher, his fingers eventually making their way between your thighs and gently rubbing your clit through your shorts. Joel wouldâve been content to play with your pussy just like that, pinching at your little nub and dipping his fingers into your drooling hole as he drove, but the noises you were making were driving him fucking insane. He had pulled off into a wooded area and instructed you to climb into the backseat, where he had shoved himself inside of you for the first time and fucked you until you saw stars. You never made it to wherever it was you were headed to that afternoon, deciding instead to just call it a day and spend the rest of it covered in each otherâs sweat and come and breathing heavily into each otherâs necks.Â
Youâve seen new parts of Joel in other ways, too, in the time that youâve been traveling with him. Heâs been opening up to you, slowly but surely, as the weeks go on. You did eventually remember to ask him about that song you couldnât quite make out at Moodyâs, humming the bit of the chorus you could remember for him in hopes that heâd recognize it.
âI think I know the one, darlinâ. Should have it on cassette somewhere here, âs called Alone and Forsaken, think itâs by Hank Williams. Hadnât heard that one in a while, âs a winner, though,â heâd said.
Youâd rifled through the contents of the glove box and pulled it out, excitedly swapping the tape with the one in the player and pressing the button on the dash to start the song. Joelâs fingers had begun to tap against the wheel immediately, and he seemed to relax at the sound of the guitarâs steady strumming. You had just watched him as the song played, admiring the subtle movements of the muscles in his face as heâd hummed along.
But heâd noticed your staring, after a while, and teased, âYâknow, really shouldnât look at a man like that, babydoll. Might give âim some ideas.â
Babydoll. That was new, too. It had become his new favorite pet name for you, bestowed upon you when he had offered you another dress to wear from the stash of clothing belonging to Tommyâs daughter that he keeps under his backseat. Joel had told you eventually that heâd fibbed about his relationship with Tommy, just a little bit, and that he hasnât actually seen him or his kid in quite some time. âJust kinda grew apart after a while, stopped keepinâ up with each other,â Joel had explained. âJusâ never quite got around to gettinâ rid of all that stuff, I guess.â
You certainly didnât mind having something new to wear, especially something as pretty as the little pink dress that got you your new name. Joel had looked at you hungrily when youâd first tried it on, raking his eyes up and down your form as you twirled for him.
âSo pretty, sweetheart. Look just like a lilâ babydoll in that, donât you?â Joel had complimented.
Youâd giggled at the nickname, becoming shy as heâd stalked towards you and used a hooked finger to lift up your chin, forcing your eyes to meet his own. âLike that one, do ya? Like beinâ my babydoll, all mine?â
Youâd sucked your bottom lip between your teeth, your brows peaked with need as your eyes had begun to glaze over from his gentle dominance. It had never taken much from him to make you start feeling a little floaty, even early on, ready to fall into his arms so he could make you gush onto his fingers or his cock or his tongue.
Youâd nodded your head all syrupy and slow, making a little whimpering sound in affirmation.
âSay it,â heâd whispered, the hand propping up your chin slowly finding its way down to your neck, where it always seemed to land in your moments of intimacy. Joel had never really asked you if you liked it there or not, if you liked it when he squeezed your throat just right until your vision became spotty and your breath came out pinched and raspy, but you had learned to like it, to crave that guidance and control from him. Heâd never taken it too far, just brought you teetering over the edge of unconsciousness, then allowed you to fill your lungs with air again.Â
âI like it, Joel, like being yoursâŚâ
âYeah⌠ân youâre gonna be mine forever, huh? Never gonna leave my side, always gonna belong to me, ainât that right?â His grip on your windpipe had begun to tighten as he questioned you.
âForever⌠âm yours, JoelâŚâ youâd promised through a hoarse whisper.
A growl had rumbled from deep in Joelâs chest at your choked words, and heâd quickly let go of your throat to spin you around and shove you face-first into the creaking motel mattress, flipping up the skirt of your little babydoll dress and showing you just how pretty he thought you looked in it. âMine, mine, mine,â heâd chanted as he caged you in with his heavy form, slamming inside of your aching cunt until you cried out, shuddering around him as he spilled inside of you.Â
He calls you babydoll almost exclusively now, like itâs your actual name. Your everyday clothing consists almost entirely of frilly dresses and tiny tops and tight shorts from the supply in Joelâs truck, with maybe a few items he picks out for you at the occasional Goodwill mixed in. Heâs made it so that you never have to think for yourself ever again, taking care of everything for you from picking out your outfits to ordering for you at the diners. All you have to worry about is being good, being his, his perfect little doll, and he says that you deserve a life as easy as this, that itâs the least he can do for you in exchange for your company, for being so good for him.
Joel does allow you to use your brain for some things, still, like bombarding him with the questions youâd begun stashing away in your mind all those weeks ago. Some of them he still answers vaguely, like where the scar on his nose came from, or if heâd been married before, or what his life was like before he met you. But sometimes you can get a story out of him, and it always feels like youâve won the lottery when youâre able to get him talking. After the Hank Williams cassette had finished playing that day, youâd decided to ask him what heâd wanted to be when he grew up.Â
Heâd thought about it for a second, and then laughed at himself. ââF I tell you, I donât wanna hear any gigglinâ outta you over there, âs that clear?â
âI canât promise you that if I donât know what youâre gonna tell me. If you say, like, a rodeo clown or something, Iâm gonna laugh.â
Joel had just glared at you, and youâd rolled your eyes.
âFine, I wonât laugh, I promise. Just tell me.â
âAlrightâŚâ Joel had sighed. âI wanted to be a singer, actually. Believe it or not.â
You had almost started crying right then, the visual of a little Joel all those years ago wanting to grow up and become a singer being almost too much to bear.Â
âAwe, Joel⌠You can sing? Can youââ
âNo, I ainât gonna sing for you. Donât even ask, babydoll.â
Joel had seemed adamant about that at the time, but just a few days later when a violent thunderstorm was blowing through the town youâd stopped in for the night, youâd woken him up when you couldnât fall asleep, and asked him in a trembling voice if he would sing for you. Heâd just grunted and rolled back over at first, but youâd kept quietly begging him, and he eventually gave in to your little frightened sounding pleas. Youâd rested your head against his chest as he stroked your hair and sang Alone and Forsaken for you a few times over, until the soothing sound of his voice and the quiet thumping of his heartbeat had lulled you back to sleep. The thunder had eventually retreated when it realized you werenât scared of it anymore, now feeling safe and protected in Joelâs arms.Â
He could only take so much more questioning from you after a while, though, until he decided it was about time for you to reveal more of yourself to him, and youâd thought that was fair. Youâd spent a whole afternoon in the truck one day telling him about how your dad had passed away when you were still in high school, and how youâd always wished he couldâve seen you walk across the stage at graduation and go off to college. How he was the one whoâd even encouraged you to go in the first place, when you hadnât felt smart enough or good enough at anything to ever find the pursuit worthwhile. But heâd always been supportive of your artistic endeavors, the ones your mom had always called âuselessâ and âa waste of timeâ and ânothing that could ever amount to a real jobâ. Your dad had tried his best to make you believe otherwise, always proudly displaying your work around the house when your mother would allow it, and even framing some of it for his office. It was devastating when he had passed, but at least you felt you could make him proud in some way, by deciding to pursue a degree in art at the nearby state school. But then your mother had ruined your chances of ever finishing the program, and, well⌠here you are now.Â
After youâd finished your story, Joel had comforted you just like he always did, promising to find you a sketchbook and some pencils at the next town you came across so you could keep nurturing your talents. Heâd made good on his word, and now your time on the road is often spent sketching Joel, his cassettes, the mountains, anything you see that sparks inspiration and demands to be committed to paper.
Today, the two of you are on your way to see the worldâs largest something or other in New Mexico, and youâve become determined to etch a drawing onto every page of your book by the time you reach California. Youâve sketched just about everything in the truck at this point, and different tries at capturing Joelâs handsome side profile already take up more than half of the pages that youâve filled out so far. You begin scouring the cabin of the truck, searching for something new you can draw. You eventually try bending forward to look under the bench seat, just in case you can find a crumpled up candy wrapper or something, but an even more interesting object catches your eye, tucked just behind Joelâs legs. It looks like an old shoebox, maybe containing some more tapes or things belonging to Tommyâs kid. You try to reach over to Joelâs side of the bench seat to grab it, and he almost swerves the truck off the road when he notices what youâre doing.
âWhatâre youâŚ? Donât touch that, babydoll, jusâ leave it alone,â he scolds.
You sit up straight again, taken aback by his tone. âWhy? I was just looking for something new to draw, thought there might be something in there.â
âItâs just junk in there, baby, nothinâ youâd much be interested in,â Joel says, his grip on the steering wheel becoming more white-knuckled.
âSo? I canât draw some old junk?â
âNo.â
âWhy not?â
Joel sighs in frustration. ââCause I said so, babydoll, Christ. Just leave it be, Iâll throw it out next time we stop. Find somethinâ else to draw.â
âOkay⌠âM sorry,â you respond timidly.
ââS alright, sweet girl. âM sorry too, shouldnâta yelled at you like that. Just⌠tryinâ to drive here, donât want you reachinâ behind my legs and shit, ainât safe.â
You just nod, popping open the glove compartment for the hundredth time in hopes that there could be something in there that youâd missed before. There isnât, so you decide to pluck out that Hank Williams tape and sketch it again, humming the song to yourself in an attempt at self-soothing as you begin to outline the shape of it. It seems like a bad time to ask Joel to sing it for you again, but if youâre good for the rest of the day and make up for your earlier mistake, maybe you could hear it again tonight.
â
Youâre just finishing up your sketch a half hour or so later, when Joel decides itâs time to stop for gas. You glance over at the fuel gauge on the dash, and it looks like the truck still has half a tank left, but you decide not to say anything about it. Just like heâd said when you had first reached for the shoebox, Joel swipes it from underneath the seat as he exits the truck, tossing it haphazardly into the trash can by the gas pump.Â
âDammit,â you hear him curse to himself, and you look out the window to see him staring angrily at the empty pocket inside of his wallet where cash should be. Joel opens up the passenger side door to explain, âForgot I used up the last oâ my cash on dinner last night. Just⌠stay here, babydoll, gotta head inside ân use the ATM quick, alright?â
You nod obediently, and watch him take long strides toward the convenience store before disappearing inside.Â
Heâll only be gone for a few minutes at the most, so you know that you have to make your move now. Youâve never had Joel bark at you before like heâd done when you had reached for that beat up cardboard box, and you still feel a little rattled by it. What could possibly have been in there that he didnât want you to see? For the first time, you feel like you might not be able to trust him, and it makes you feel a little sick. Youâve started to feel like you might love Joel, and you think he probably feels the same way, even if you havenât said those exact three words to each other yet. Someone who loves you wouldnât hide things from you, would they? Especially not after youâve already bared so much of your souls to each other, after youâve decided that you belong to each other.
Thereâs only one way to find out, you decide.
You exit the truck quietly, swiftly closing the short distance between you and the trash can and peering into the black plastic bag that lines it. You fish out the shoebox from where it lays on top of other garbage, and crouch down in front of the gas pump to hide yourself from view. Taking a steadying breath, you carefully remove the weathered lid from the box and begin to examine its contents. At first glance, it seems to just be full of washed-out polaroids and a few random objectsâa tarnished charm bracelet, a fraying ribbon, and a cracked pair of glasses among them. What is all this stuff? You think to yourself, Keepsakes from his former life, more of Tommyâs daughterâs things that he couldnât bring himself to get rid of yet?
You pick up a photo laying face down on top of the pile and turn it over, almost immediately dropping it back into the box in favor of clapping your hand over your open mouth. You shut your eyes tightly as they begin to water, hoping that when you open them again, youâll find that you were wrong about what you had just seen. That it was just a trick of the light, that it wasnât what it seemed, that you had just imagined it.
But you arenât so fortunate.
Your heart plummets into your stomach as you peer inside the box again, a sickly feeling of dread beginning to claw its way up the back of your neck. You examine the photo more closely, and it appears to be of a girl who looks about your age, bound at the hands, gagged, and naked. Sheâs kneeling on the damp forest floor, staring up at the photographer with a defeated, glazed-over expression. Sheâs bruised, bleeding from her nose, and filthy, with her hair tangled in knots and mascara-stained tears running down her cheeks. The photo looks to have captured her last moments alive.Â
One by one, you quickly examine a dozen or so more photos as your pulse hammers hard in your throat. Each of them are nearly identical, all depicting a pretty early twenty-something, either restrained and begging for her life or already dead. They all have dates scribbled on the front that are spaced out a mere couple of weeks from each other, with the names of the girls written on the backs of them. To your horror, you notice that some of the polaroids even have bloody fingerprints staining their white frames. It seems impossible that Joel could be the one who took these photos, that he could be the one to reduce these young girls to nothing more than weak puddles of tears and blood. You begin desperately trying to convince yourself that this is all part of a fucked-up nightmare youâre moments away from waking up from, until a photo containing a bright flash of white catches your eye. You canât help how your face contorts into a grimace when you examine the photo closer, your stomach lurching at the sight of the amount of blood spilling from the back of the girlâs head as she lays lifeless on a wooden floor. All that sheâs wearing are her underwear and a white tank top, the ditsy floral pattern of which you could swear youâve seen before.
You donât understand why it looks so familiar to you until you spread around more of the polaroids in the box, and spot one capturing a girl tied up and gagged on a motel bed, wearing a baby pink dress that grotesquely juxtaposes the depravity of her situation. She has wide, pleading doe eyes and ribbons finishing the ends of each of her braids that kind of make her look like⌠a doll.
The realization hits you all at once, that nearly all of the clothes Joel has given you since the day you met him had never belonged to Tommyâs daughter at all, if he even has one, if Tommy even really exists. Youâd been wearing Annaâs white tank top with the delicate floral print. Elizabethâs pink babydoll dress. Even the clothes you have on now probably belonged to some of Joelâs victims, but you donât think you can stand to find out which ones.Â
Your thoughts begin to spiral out of control, an irrational part of your brain working overtime to come up with a million reasons why this canât be true, that there has to be some other explanation for what youâre seeing, until you pick up a final photo, where the sleeve of Joelâs drab olive flannel is clearly visible in the corner. The shirt is tattered at the cuffs in the exact way that Joelâs is, and it has the same terracotta striping woven through the plaid pattern. Emerging from the bottom of the sleeve is a tanned, thick hand, wrapped tightly around a pale, fragile neck, with some of the girlâs blonde ringlet curls poking through the gaps between his fingers. When you flip over the photo, your blood runs cold when you read the name inscribed on the backâRuby.
Your tears begin to fall then. How strange, how cruel, that fate has led you here, lured you straight to him. Someone that you thought you knew, trusted, loved, whoâs suddenly a stranger to you all over again. Youâve just been doomed from the start, havenât you? All along, it was Joel who had been responsible for building the trap youâve found yourself ensnared in now. Ruby hadnât run away at all that summer, hadnât found a place she belonged, a place to start a real life for herself, a place to see her unlimited potential finally fulfilled. Sheâd met Joel, and heâd restricted her existence to nothing more than a polaroid that he keeps in a fucking shoebox under the seat of his truck. All along, this is where sheâd been.Â
You feel like throwing up. Youâre reeling, completely horrified and sick to your stomach, your life as you had just come to know it having come crashing down around you in an instant. You quickly replace the lid on the box and throw it back into the trash can, hopefully never to be seen again. You scramble back inside the truck just in time for the convenience store door to swing open again, the little bell accompanying the movement sounding sharp and sinister as it announces Joelâs imminent arrival. Your pulse pounds erratically against your ribcage as you try to act as naturally as possible, forcing your shaking hands to look like theyâre busy adding the finishing touches to your latest sketch.Â
You donât look at Joel as he approaches the truck, and he doesnât seem to pay you much attention, either. He leans against the hood casually once he feeds the bills into the pump, letting the tank fill the rest of the way up with gas. You have to come up with an escape plan now, before your poorly disguised agitation gives you away and he figures out what youâve seen.Â
When his task is finished, Joel climbs back into the driverâs seat exhales a deep breath, like he feels relieved to have finally discarded the evidence so youâd never find out the truth about him. Youâre determined to keep him clueless for as long as you can.
âReady to keep goinâ, babydoll? Should only be another hour or so âfore we get to the next stop,â he asks, reaching over to you to gently tuck a lock of hair behind your ear. You flinch away from his touch instinctually, then silently curse yourself for already doing such a shitty job at keeping up your facade.
âA-actually, umâŚâ You swallow hard. âIâm kinda g-getting a headache, it really hurts. And I feel really s-sick. Is it okay if we just⌠go straight to a motel? I just wanna⌠lay down,â you lie, screwing up your face into a pained wince and wrapping your arms around your stomach in an effort to make it all more convincing.
âOh, you poor thingâŚâ Joel coos, placing the back of his hand against your forehead. âYâ do feel kinda hot⌠Sure, darlinâ. Think thereâs a place not too much further down the road here, jusâ hang tight.â
âT-thank you,â you reply weakly. Your voice is coming out a little uneven, but you hope it just adds to the believability of your act instead of raising suspicion. You try to cover it up with a cough and a little pained groan, just for good measure.
Joel doesnât waste any more time getting back on the road, and you stay quiet for the short ride to the nearest motel, doing your best to hold back your tears and even out your breathing. Youâll need to be calm and clear-headed in order to have any chance at escape, lest you want to meet the same fate as the dozens of other girls who were probably also blinded by Joelâs southern charm and good looks, who were manipulated by his lies and tricked into believing that he could give them a happy ending. Was he ever going to let you see California? Or had he been leading you to your death all along?
Youâre going to be the one who lives. For Ruby, you have to be. For all of them.
â
Just like the first night youâd spent with him, Joel has you wait in the truck while he checks in at the counter and retrieves the keys to your room before coming back to get you. You fake a stumble when you step down from the truck, and Joel mumbles a âJesus, babydollâ before hoisting you into his arms and carrying you across the roomâs threshold, setting you down softly onto the bed.
âWhaddya need, sweet girl? Water? Some crackers, or somethinâ? Bet I could ask the front desk if they got some medicine or anythinâ like that,â Joel asks, sitting on the edge of the bed while you curl up and turn away from him. You do your best not to flinch this time when he decides to comfortingly massage the back of your neck.
âCan you ask, please? It hurts so bad,â you whine, unable to tamp down your shuddering sobs any longer.
âSure I will, my poor lilâ girl⌠Iâll be right back, alright?â
Joel pets your hair for a moment, and the gesture would normally flood your belly with lovesick butterflies, but it only feels predatorial now, like a lion trying to convince its prey that it only wants to play, that it wonât be torn to pieces and eaten alive.Â
Your body finally relaxes when Joel leaves the room, and you count out thirty seconds to hopefully allow him to reach the front office before you make your break. When you whisper the final âthirtyâ to yourself, you spring out of bed and sprint out the door, almost tripping over your own feet in your race to reach the payphone youâd spotted earlier in the parking lot. You figured that trying to call for help would be a smarter move than running, and youâd never make it far on foot, anyway, not in the flimsy little dress and cheap canvas sneakers youâre wearing. Youâd stolen a few quarters out of the truckâs center console while Joel was letting the gas pump, and you shakily deposit them into the slot, nearly dropping them. You punch the numbers 9-1-1 into the keypad, nearly ripping the phone clean off the hook as you bring it up to your ear.
âCome on, come on, come onâŚâ You mutter to yourself, drumming your bitten fingernails against the hard plastic handset as the mocking dial tone trills in your ear.
â911, what is your emergency?â comes a voice on the other line, female.Â
âPlease, I need helââ but before you can even finish the word, heâs on you, one large hand clapped over your mouth while the other rips the phone out of your hand and slams it back into the receiver. You kick and bite and thrash, but your pitiful attempts at escape do nothing to deter him. After all, his pickup is the only car in the lot, and your room is the only one with a light on. The clerk who checked him in could have never existed at all, for all you know. Thereâs not a soul around to hear you cry or beg or scream, except for him. You should have known that he would see straight through you, that he wouldâve anticipated you getting curious and made sure he was always one step ahead of you. Joel drags you back to the room with a two-handed grasp on your upper arm, gripped onto you hard enough youâre sure his fingertips will leave bruises.
âNo, no, no, please! Iâm sorry, Iâm so sorry, Joel!â You plead, using his first name in a pathetic effort to try to appeal to whatever morality he might have left.
âYou stupid fuckinâ bitchâŚâ he spits.
Joel kicks open the door to your room and flings it shut behind him so hard youâre surprised the wood doesnât shatter, splintering into a million sharp little pieces. He throws you down onto the stained double bed youâll be sharing tonight, if he doesnât decide to use the yellowed comforter to wrap your lifeless corpse in later instead. You push yourself up into a sitting position and brace yourself for whatever heâll do to you for disobeying him, for trying to escape. Youâve never seen this side of him before, never even come close to upsetting him like this in the time that youâve known him.Â
âDonât know who the fuck you were tryinâ to call, but you better get it through that dumb fuckinâ brain of yours that nobody gives a fuck about you anymore except for me, you got that? Cops ainât gonna do nothinâ about some fuckinâ runaway slut, âspecially not one whoâs got nobody to miss her in the first place. âS why you ran away, âs why I picked you up⌠âCause we both know ainât nobody gonna come lookinâ for you. Wouldnât be able to find your body even if they did,â he barks at you, a huge paw wrapped in the hair at the base of your skull to keep your gaze trained on him.
âPlease, please donât hurt me! Iâm sorry, Iâm so sorry, I wonât ever do it again, I promiseââ
âYâ know⌠I saved you from that hell hole, I gave you everything, and this is the fuckinâ thanks I get?!â The low gravel of his voice seems to be coming from somewhere deep and cavernous inside of him. It fills the entire room with a black smoke that penetrates your eardrums and fills your mouth with something bitter.
âI know, I know, I donât know what I was thinking, Iâm sorry. Iâll make it up to youââ
âYeah, I know you werenât fuckin thinkinâ. Dumb fuckinâ cunt.â Joel releases your hair and you collapse in on yourself, beginning to sob all over again. You know it probably makes you look weak in front of him, but you canât help it as the dread washes over you. Youâre on the verge of hyperventilating, wondering if this will be the one mistake that seals your fate, if heâll let you live long enough to see those aching little imprints on your arm from where he grabbed you bloom into purple-red blotches in the morning. With your eyes shut tight and hot tears streaming down your cheeks, youâre heaving, trying to catch your breath as you release broken little noises that sound like sorry, sorry, sorry. The repeated apology almost resembles some kind of prayer, as if that could save you now.
He lets you run the gamut of your terror for a minute before pinching the bridge of his nose, the calloused pads of his fingers squeezing that angry red scar that adorns it. He expels a heavy sigh and sits beside you on the bed, the springs of the old mattress screeching as they dip with his weight.
âCâmere, babydoll,â he says, quietly now, and you feel too weak to fight him as he pulls you into his lap and helps you to straddle your legs across his thick waist. You can feel his hardening bulge against your core through the thin material of your panties, exposed now by the skirt of your dress riding up and pooling at the creases of your thighs.Â
ââS okay, darlinâ I forgive you.â He lets you cry into his shoulder as he shushes you, rocking you side to side and petting the top of your head as if he were soothing a spooked little dog. When youâre able to take deep breaths again, your senses are flooded with his familiar comforting scent. The combination of his natural cologne and the softness of his voice reaches inside some deep corner of your brain that isnât completely terrorized and disgusted by him, and itâs enough for you to lift your head up to face him again.
âY-you do?â You squeak out as you sniffle, and Joel wipes away the last of your salty tears with one of his rough thumbs, sucking it into his mouth afterwards. He lets out a soft groan before gripping your jaw so that the fat of your cheeks makes your lips pucker.
âYeah, babydoll⌠But why would you try to go off runninâ like that, hm? Thought you were mine, my girl, thought we understood each other.â
His tone, the furrow in his brows and the slight pout of his lips make you feel guilty, somehow, upset with yourself for making him feel this way, for trying to run from his care and affection. âI-I thought so, too. But then⌠then IâŚâ you stutter, finding it impossible to speak coherently anymore.
âThen what, babydoll?â Joel prompts calmly, stroking his thumb along your cheek as he squeezes it.
âT-the box⌠I sawââ
âYeah⌠You saw my girls, didnât you, baby? Thatâs why you tried to run, ainât it? Look at me, babydoll.â
Joel jostles your face in his grip, and you obey his command, nodding slowly. When you look into his eyes, you finally notice how dark theyâve become, their usual warm amber color now appearing more red.
âYou⌠you killed her. I-it was you.â
âWhich oneâre you talkinâ about, baby? Collected a lotta girls over the years, lose track of âem after a while.â
Your stomach churns at his callousness. âR-Ruby⌠I saw h-her. Y-you⌠you wereâŚâ You canât bring yourself to finish your sentence, your words interrupted by your hiccuping breaths.
âOh, RubyâŚâ Joel shifts his hips into yours, a growl rumbling from deep in his chest as he closes his eyes for a moment, turning over her name on his tongue. âYeah⌠She was a pretty thing, wasnât she? Feisty one, though. âBout broke my goddamn nose. Wasnât gonna be so rough with her, but⌠she practically asked for it.â He brushes his finger across the scar on his face, and your eyes well up again when you make the connection. âWhat else did you see, hm? Talk tâ me about it, babydoll.â Even through his jeans, you can feel that heâs fully hard now, turned on at the prospect of reliving those gruesome scenes.
Nauseating visions of the polaroids flash across your memoryâthe girl bleeding from the back of her head, the one with the cut throat, the one with her neck bent at an unnatural angle. âNo, please donât make meâŚâ you shake your head at him, your bottom lip trembling as you fight back more stinging tears.Â
Joel releases his hold on your face in favor of giving your cheek a harsh smack. âWasnât a fuckinâ question, girl.â
You use his loosened grip as an opportunity to try to scramble out of his lap, hitting your hands against his chest as you try to push off the bed and get back onto your feet.
âNuh-uh, I donât think so. Quit fuckinâ strugglinâ.âÂ
Heâs got you flipped onto your back in a second, with your legs dangling off the edge of the bed. He stands between your parted thighs, and you look up at him through blurred vision, one of his strong hands now attempting to cut off the blood supply to your brain as he uses the other to free his thick cock from his jeans. His teeth are bared, and the look in his eyes is faraway, as if the Joel you thought you knew is somewhere else entirely, miles away from this dingy motel room off the side of the freeway. Heâs long gone now, replaced by this monstrous version of him that you donât recognize.
âKeep fightinâ, see what fuckinâ happens⌠Iâd take the prettiest photos of you, yâ know that? Add you to my lilâ collection, have no choice but to be mine forever⌠Youâd fit right in, babydoll, this perfect fuckinâ body.â
He slides a hand up and down his leaking shaft as he rambles, and itâs impossible to deny how much it excites him, talking about his killing, his ritual.Â
âWasnât planninâ on it, promised myself Iâd be done after the last one butâfuckâjust canât fuckinâ stop myself. âS just so goddamn easy,â Joel hisses through his teeth. His hand never leaves your neck as he flips up the skirt of your dress and yanks your ashamedly damp panties down your trembling legs. He flings them haphazardly onto a discolored patch of carpet in the corner of the room, and it makes you wince, imagining how he mustâve disposed of so many other girls before you in the same careless manner. Â
As hopeless as it seems now, you wonât be one of them. You donât have any other choice, you have to make it out of this alive, you have to do something.
âW-what⌠what is?â You manage to choke out.
Joel looks down at you, almost startled, as if youâre an inanimate object speaking to him, like he didnât expect you to have a voice.
âHuh?â
âY-you said⌠itâs so easy. Whatâs easy?â
He licks his lips as he thinks on his response, a sickly smile tugging at the corners. âPickinâ up a pretty slut nobodyâs gonna miss, takinâ her home with me and turninâ her fuckinâ lights out. They practically do it to themselves with all their strugglinâ and bitinâ and scratchinâ, just want âem to fuckinââunhâbehave.â
You whine as he pushes his tip inside your little hole, but try to maintain your composure. You think you understand now, why heâs acting this way. He wants you to want to be with him, and it triggers some kind of deepset anger inside of him when you fight, when you run, when you throw his affection back in his face. Killing the girls might not even be his end goal, at least not when he first takes them, more like an inevitable side effect of what happens when they try to escape his captivity and he feels rejected, hurt, tossed aside. And then he lashes out. And then they die. And then the cycle repeats. Youâd lasted this long because youâd been the first to not reject his advances, because heâd seen himself in you.
If you donât fight, if you can keep him talking, if you can convince him that this is what you want, you might have a chance at survival. Itâs not much of a strategy, but itâs something, and itâs better than giving up.
âHow⌠how do you d-do it?â you ask, a little less rasp in your voice as his grip on your throat begins to loosen, but his hand never leaves it entirely. He slides the rest of his cock inside you as you stutter out your question, and he laughs.
âYou sure you wanna hear it, babydoll? Might be a bit much for you.â Heâs fully seated inside you now, and the stretch of him burns. Even though the two of you have been fucking like bunnies practically every day since youâve met, you can only fight against your body so much, and the fear youâre trying desperately not to clue him into is making every one of your muscles tighten around him.
âNo! No, I-I wanna know. Tell me, pleaseâŚâ You bat your eyelashes up at him for good measure, and his canine grin widens some more.
âGod, yâ really are just as fucked up as I am, huh? âS why I kept you around, âcause youâre like meâŚâ He begins to piston his thick length in and out of you, affectionately tucking a lock of hair behind your ear with his free hand as he does. The other one constricts your airflow once again, and you stifle a whimper, suppressing the urge to argue and spit back that youâre not like him. âUsually strangle âem, little throats always fit so perfectly in my hands, jusâ like thisâŚâ
His voice trails off as he shoves into you harder, picking up his pace. Your breathing becomes broken and frantic as you claw through the black cloud closing in on your vision in your effort to keep him talking. âAnd then what?â you squeak out.
âSqueeze âem, real hard and slow,â Joel growls. âTry not to come in my jeans just from the pathetic lilâ sounds they make when theyâre prayinâ to God to save âem. Ainât so gentle with âem if they put up too much of a fight, though. Jusâ gotta cut the shit sometimes, slice âem open or split their fuckinâ skulls just to make âem stop. God, youâd never believe the amount of blood a lilâ girl like youâs got in âem.â Heâs slamming his hips into your sore cunt now, both hands wrapped tightly around your neck as he uses it for leverage. You feel your muscles begin to slacken, either from the lack of oxygen or from his just-right strokes against that little spot deep inside, you canât be sure. It was just a survival instinct, youâll tell yourself in the morning.
âYeah? Itâs⌠itâs a lot?â you prompt, skin feeling tingly and voice coming out hoarse, sounding like it had come from somewhere else other than your own body. It couldâve just been the wind, a tractor-trailer whistling by outside.
âYeah, âs a lot. Bleed so fuckinâ much, yâ think it might never stop. Just keepsâfuckâcominâ...â
Joelâs voice breaks on the telltale word, his thrusts becoming frenzied and disjointed as he nears his release. A few high-pitched moans manage to squeeze past your compressed vocal chords, and theyâre half-genuine, half-forced as a means to spur him on and speed up the process. The stretches of skin between his thumbs and forefingers are pressing down, down, down against your windpipe, and you plead with him as coherently as possible in your race against that darkness threatening to swallow you whole.Â
âC-come, Joel, p-please, want you toââ
âShut up, babydoll. Fuck⌠Eyes on me, câmon,â he orders, shaking you by the neck to wake you up a bit, prevent your eyes from closing all the way. âLook at me. Just⌠lay fuckinâ still, donât make a sound. Hold your goddamn breath, okay? Donât even fuckinâ blink.â
Heâs never demanded something like this before, but you arenât exactly in a position to disobey. You do as he asks, and some of it comes involuntarily, anyway. With your hands laid at your sides, eyes looking into Joelâs own but somehow past them, unblinking, your mouth slack and lungs paralyzed, you almost feel likeâŚ
Like one of them.Â
âThaâs it, fuck, fuck, fuck,â he chants to himself, rutting into your limp body with abandon as he chases his high. You canât help but let another tear slip past your lashes, and he doesnât wipe it away this time.Â
A few more bruising pulses of his cock later, and all the blood rushes back into your head at once as Joel lets go of his vice grip around your neck, collapsing on top of your still form and breathing heavily into the damp skin of your neck where your wet tears have collected. He stays like that for a while, still slotted inside you, and you let him come back into himself for as long as he needs, not daring to move a muscle until he permits you to do so.Â
Joel slides himself out of your leaking hole when heâs finally caught his breath, grunting as he pushes himself up off the bed and runs a hand through his sweat-damp hair. He studies your abused form, then tuts when he notices the marks he left around your throat.
âBetter make sure you wear your hair down tomorrow, I reckon. Got a decent record of keepinâ the law off my ass, Iâd rather keep it that way.âÂ
Tomorrow. He plans on letting you live. Until then, anyway.Â
âOkay,â you agree quietly.
Joel doesnât let you out of his sight again for the rest of the evening. Heâd helped you up off the bed and into the shower, where heâd cleaned both of your bodies and scrubbed the dried tears and sweat from your skin. Heâd sunk his claws into your scalp as he washed your hair under the scalding water, and you wondered if the suds could carry even the intangible filth down the drain with itâthe guilt, the fear, the defeat, the violation. You almost wish you hadnât looked in the box at all. What difference would it have made, if youâd stayed with him in ignorance? Those girls are still dead. Itâs not like you can save them now. You couldnât even save yourself.
Joel changes you into one of his large t-shirts for you to sleep in tonight, instead of a frilly nightgown or something else short and revealing that heâd usually pick out for you. You suppose that the choice of clothing acts as a more visible representation of his ownership over you. Heâs marking his territory, scenting you like a dog. Like youâre his bitch.
Joel holds you suffocatingly close to him in bed that night, his arms wrapped around you so tightly that itâs difficult for your ribs to expand. He keeps one hand possessively wrapped around the column of your neck, not squeezing, just to remind you what heâs capable of. As if you could ever forget.Â
âYâknow what, babydoll? I think we could be partners, you and I,â Joel says in a slow, gravelly voice, right next to your ear.
âW-what do you mean?â You whisper back into the darkness.
âI just⌠I tried to quit, yâ know, but I donât think I can. I donât want to. Too damn old and slow to keep chasinâ after âem anymore, but⌠âf I keep you around, youâd just make the perfect bait, wouldnât you? That pretty face, sweet lilâ smile, you could lure âem straight to me, theyâd never see it cominâ.â
âSee⌠what coming?â
âMy hands. The knife. A fuckinâ rock. Whatever, âs up to them.â
His words linger in the air, and you know you should say something, but how could you possibly respond to what heâs asking of you?
âYou want me to⌠to killââ
âNo, no, âcourse not, babydoll. Wouldnât even have to be in the room while itâs happeninâ, would never ask my sweet girl to get her hands dirty like that. Jusâ gotta bring âem to me, thaâs all. Maybe go after âem if they try to run. I mean⌠youâd rather it be them than you, wouldnât you sweetheart?â Joelâs hand closes in around your throat, and you understand now what heâs offering youâa deal. Your life in exchange for helping him grow his collection of victims, helping him satisfy his urges. Heâs made you feel indebted to him, like you owe him something in exchange for letting you live tonight. He thinks heâs found something special in you, a victim who finally canât run away from him, who wonât, now. Thereâs enough of a connection still here, although held together by fear, that he knows you wonât try escaping again. Because he saved you, the first time from starving on the side of the road, the second time from himself. And you owe him your life, now, in some form or another.Â
You only nod against the pillow, but it seems to be enough for him.
Joel kisses the back of your head, breathing in the smell of your hair. âI love you, babydoll.â
His fingers press harder against your arteries, making it clear that you have no choice but to respond with what he wants to hear.
âI love you too, Joel.â
The words are still true, you think, somehow. But it just feels like youâre saying them to a stranger now.
You wish you wouldâve listened to the one useful thing your mother had ever told youânot to talk to strangers, or you might fall in love.
tag list: tag list: @beefrobeefcal @iamasaddie @rebel-held @dilfgestivo @zliteraturehoe @joeldjarin @kamcrazy123 @hellowoolf @rexamongthestars @stevie75 @luxurychristmaspudding @noisynightmarepoetry @mewantpeepaw @pedritoferg @alex-does-art-things @evolnoomym @annoyingmarvelreader @k1l4ni @joelsdagger @hjzghi-blog @natalieispunk (if your name is crossed out, it wonât let me tag you!!)
#my writing#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x you#the last of us fanfiction#tlou fanfiction#joel miller smut#dark!joel miller#dark!joel x reader
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| Shut up for me, love, |
Toji Fushiguro x Wife!Reader
Toji finds out you're pregnant! (with Megumi)
Word Count: 1.5k
CW: SFW, domestic fluff, pregnancy, Toji has a job, slightly suggestive dialogue
A/n: I have an idea for a Part 2 (this was so fun)... also opening to take requests if you have any.
It was like floating on cloud nine, where everything was beautiful and happy. You couldnât help but curl up into a ball on your bed, digging your fists into the covers while clutching the test. Why? Because it came up with two lines.Â
You had always wanted kids, that was something your husband, Toji, knew very well. However, there was still something daunting, that translated into a sinking feeling in your gut. Something that you had wanted for so long, something bigger than yourself, was going to happen, and the two of you would face it together.Â
There were so many things to look forward to while pregnant. Wearing cute dresses that emphasized your bump just right, a sign to yourself and the world of your lovely marriage and relationship with your husband. Family photos, pregnancy milestones, and finally, the birth that would happen in a bit under nine months. You were so happy to start your family with Toji, and the little bundle of joy that was growing inside of you.
That feeling of euphoria didnât leave after laying there for five minutes. In fact, it probably never would. It was another version of the feeling you got when you first met Toji, and the one from when you married him, and you still couldnât believe that it had happened. But, Toji would be home soon.Â
Knowing your husband, still as frustrated with your finances as ever, the one thing you could decide was that balloons and cake would not be appreciated on this occasion. Though he knew of your desires, he never explicitly said he wanted a baby either. That was what scared you the most.Â
Toji always humered you, when you visited little clothing boutiques and stores, and something in the maternity section caught your eye. Or, when you couldnât help but offer to take care of your friendâs baby whenever you got the chance, and had the biggest smile he had ever seen on your face, when you held her.Â
What you didnât see, however, was that while you perused the racks of baby clothing, his eyes drifted over to the green dinosaur onesie, with dark green spikes covering the head and going over the back and the tail. He chuckled under his breath, starting to get ideas himself seeing how invested you were.Â
When you mentioned getting pregnant, Toji said he wasnât opposed, though the look on his face showed more that he was uninterested. While you trusted your husband, he was wonderful to you, that sinking feeling didnât go away either. Part of the reason you were so enthusiastic, after all, was because youâd be raising your child with Toji, and that idea was the embodiment of perfection in your mind. Without him in all the way, would it really be the same?
Toji wasnât a big fan of fuss anyway, his proposal and your wedding had been small and pretty simple, and you were fine with that. In all honesty it was nice, to not have to worry about every little thing being perfect anyway. For news like this, thinking about decorations would only be a distraction from figuring out what to say.Â
âToji, honey, Iâm pregnant,â you repeated to yourself in the mirror, holding the test to give it to him, trying to present it like a gift of some sort. âI have some news for you, Toji,â another option, âItâs great news, Iâm really excited,â you tried to make the perfect smile, to show him just how happy you were. But you just threw yourself back on the bed, covering the flush on your cheeks with your hand.Â
Everything sounded fake when you tried it. Knowing Toji, if you said any of those things, he might think there was something wrong instead of the truth. And of course, you couldnât knock that stupid grin off your face for more than a few seconds, butterflies fluttering around your stomach so much that you had to ground yourself.Â
Your face heated up at the mere thought of your husband walking through the door, though he would be tired and bothered as per usual. How would he react? Would he be as happy as you are, or⌠and the sinking feeling was growing again. You lifted your knees, planting your feet flat on the bed so the hem of your dress laid right above your ankles, as you sat in thought, preparing yourself for the inevitable.Â
In a way you had given up, on facing Toji head on. Instead you decided to lie in wait, and figure something out on a whim if it didnât come to you before he got home. You tucked the test under the blanket next to your legs, trying to relax as best as you could.Â
The click of the front door was a familiar sound, something that usually excited you. However on this particular day, it was a little bit too exciting, so much so that you couldnât urge yourself to get up and move your hands from their comfortable spot covering your face.Â
Toji made his way through the kitchen and the living room, missing the usual sound of you, his wife, running around doing whatever it was that you were doing when he came home every day. The occasional joking âHoney, Iâm home,â something he had grown to secretly enjoy, couldnât be said despite his relatively good mood - for his âhoneyâ wasnât there.Â
Heading into your shared bedroom, where he typically pulled off his stuffy work clothes and changed into something more comfortable, was where he found you, curled up and about as out-of-it as ever.Â
Toji laid down behind you on the bed, leaning over onto his side to see you. He pulled one of your hands off your face, smirking as you opened your eyes and met his gaze. âHey, stupid,â he laughed as you pulled your hand back, smacking his away. âWhy you coverinâ that pretty face, huh?â he asked, settling down with his hand resting under his neck. âWhat happened to âwifeâ, or something,â you tried to pout. âI called you pretty,â he reasoned, âand I can see that stupid smile on your face, somethinâ happen to ya?âÂ
Toji reached his hand over, with more force this time, pulling both your hands off your face. The flushed red of your cheeks and cute little protests made him smile. âYou gonna tell me whatâs got you so flustered, wife?â he kept your hands lightly pinned beneath his. âCouldnât help yourself from thinkinâ about me while I was at work⌠really is stupid to be embarrassed,â you shook your head as best as you could.Â
âTojiâŚâ you murmured out, trying not to look him in the eyes. You pulled your right hand away from him, reaching into the covers to where you shoved the test. âIâm just⌠really happy, okay?â you choked out meekly, biting your lip you threw the test back at him.Â
Catching it in his hands, he stared at the two lines. âYou donât say, huh?â he breathed heavily, as you eyed his expression with worry. âI just found outâŚâ you blushed as he looked back at you, listening intently. âAnd⌠I know we didnât talk that much about it,â you whispered, feeling his hand tighten itâs grip around yours. âBut I really want to be a mother, Toji,â you sighed, still anticipating his reply.Â
âDidnât realize we werenât on the same page about that,â he turned away, with a smile on his face. âI donât want to make you unhappy -â he cut you off with a kiss, leaning down as your heart raced even faster. âHow âbout you shut up for me, love,â your face contorted into a look of surprise. âAm I that bad of a husband? I thought you knew I was on board,â he chuckled. âBut you said you didnât really care,â you whined, as he moved his hand to hold yours more comfortably. âYeah, that was my way of sayinâ it,â you rolled your eyes at him. âBesides, who do you think did this to ya, Iâm not that much of an idiot,â he held up the test again, the surrealness of it all was sinking in.
âSo, do you know the gender yet?â he asked, as you squinted. âToji, I just found out a few minutes ago,â you replied. âYeah, but I figured you had some kind of motherâs intuition on that stuff,â he yawned, the tiredness from work starting to hit him. âWell, what do you think?âÂ
âA girl,â he stated quickly, as you thought about it. âYour final guess?â you asked, to which he agreed. âWell knowing your losing streak, it must be a boy then,â you laughed as he frowned, âI should put that on paper⌠Howâs that for motherâs intuition?â You looked back at Toji, who was fully laid down with his eyes closed. âPregnant women should get a lot of sleep, Iâm just setting an example,â he yawned again, pulling your waist to turn you next to him. You snuggled in closer, the sinking feeling was gone though the butterflies were only getting worse by the minute. âFine, but only for a little while. I have to make dinner,â Toji hummed in response. âGânight, future mama.â
(Part 2)
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk x reader#toji fushiguro#toji zenin#jjk toji#toji fushiguro x reader#toji zenin x reader#toji x reader#toji x you#toji fluff#toji fushiguro x you#jujutsu kaisen toji#fushiguro toji#fushiguro toji x reader
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So in Spirit World there's two separate panels that show Cass' family/loved ones. The first I think is more circulated:
The second is this one:
These line-ups are probably different due to space/convenience, but to overanalyse these panels for a bit, it's interesting who's present in which. Bruce, Steph, and Babs are present in both - makes sense, they're the most important figures in Cass' life. Steph is front and center in both, suggesting she really is Cass' favourite person ever.
Bruce is relatively big in the top panel, but much smaller in the bottom. The top panel explicitly is about "family," while the bottom is about people who "know and love you". Bruce becoming smaller suggests that Cass thinks of him as her dad, but the 'knowing' and 'loving' part isn't as secure for her. (This is probably not intentional but reflects their dynamic very well, particularly post-Cass being sent to HK and her unresolved feelings about that).
Babs is pretty big in both, and I love that she's Oracle here (the wheelchair in the bottom panel!!). This makes total sense - the time when Babs loved and cared for her most was when she was Oracle. Cass probably still sees and remembers her that way.
Onto the interesting stuff, which is Duke being missing for 'family' but present for 'know and love you'. I think he should be in the top panel, but maybe he's too new for Cass to consider him family? Everyone in the top panel is from the bg 2000 era, so Cass might think of that time as her true 'family'. Anyway, the fact he makes it into the bottom still shows they're close, and that Cass considers him someone who understands/'knows' her.
Dick and Tim being present for 'family' and missing for 'know and love you' is so fun. Tim maybe should be present in the bottom, but recent canon hasn't made them as close as they used to be (in BG 2000 and Red Robin). So they love each other, but not to the extent of anyone in the bottom panel; he's still definitively family though.
Dick is the same, but there's a lot more sibling rivalry and complicated feelings there. It makes total sense for Cass to see him as a brother, but to not think he 'knows' or 'loves' her all that much; they do get along, but I think they remember their mistakes with each other and think the other person still holds a grudge (they don't). Peak Dick-Cass dynamic to me!
So if I had to rank Cass' favourite people in the Batfam according to these panels, it'd be: 1. Steph 2. Babs 3. Bruce 4. Tim and/or Duke 5. Dick
#cassandra cain#spirit world#stephanie brown#barbara gordon#bruce wayne#tim drake#duke thomas#dick grayson#rip damian and jason but it was correct for you guys not to be there#people thinking dick and cass hate each other... like yes but in the sibling way not in the real way they would die for each other!!#too much dick and cass discourse on here recently spirit world set them straight#steph front and center in both oh stephcass you will always be famous#alyssa wong clearly loves bg 2000 maybe that's the recipe for good stories#read spirit world!! the art is amazing and you get to see the world's coolest magician Xanthe Zhou <333
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How He Handles Jealousy
Thank you so much for the request for this headcanon! It turned out to be longer than I initially anticipated, but I hope you find it enjoyable to read. Happy reading!
Being fresh in a relationship often means confronting one's own insecurities. One of these is the question of whether one can fully trust their partner and how to deal with it when the partner themselves is plagued by the question of whether they are truly enough. So what about the ghouls: How do they handle this in both directions? In this scenario, we assume that you are in a relationship and that you, of course, never pursue any ill intentions when creating a situation that makes your loved one jealous, and vice versa. We are always talking about a healthy level of jealousy.
Jin
Jin does not strike you as a man who becomes jealous easily. He has rank, status, outrageously good looks, and charisma. Who would dare to even consider getting too close to his beloved? And what could lead him to think that you might have an interest in someone other than him? Exactly: nothing.
Nevertheless, even the king of Frostheim occasionally experiences a strange feeling in his chest when he sees you showing a little too much interest in another person. There's nothing wrong with playing it safe, right? He will be quite open about his jealousy, though he wouldn't label it as such. Instead, he will explicitly ask you what you have going on with the other person. Depending on your answer, he will either allow you to continue interacting with them undisturbed or he will ask you to keep your distance. If you disagree, he will accept it but will become noticeably clingy and unusually touchy in the presence of that person in the future.
Conversely, Jin cannot imagine that you could ever be jealous of anyone. Aside from the fact that you are his everything, which he always shows you in his own way, he considers you superior to all other people. How could you possibly think that anyone could measure up to you? Since he can't stand most other people anyway, he would never deliberately get too close to someone else.
He won't notice your jealousy unless you communicate it clearly. Initially, he will stare at you in disbelief and will need to process what you just said. Once he has absorbed the information, he will suddenly start laughing heartily. He'll begin to grin devilishly, cup your chin, and gently pull you a bit closer to his face. "Come to my room after the event tonight. I'll show you enough good reasons why you don't need to worry."
Tohma
Tohma is a true gentleman with far too good manners for you to ever suspect that he feels jealousy. However, in the early stages of your relationship, this feeling is anything but foreign to him, as your time together is limited, and he is careful to keep your relationship a secret for as long as possible. Who wouldn't feel negative emotions when they see the person they desire getting close to other people, even if it's just a fleeting touch of their hand?
Without the chains he has bound himself with by moving to Frostheim, he would certainly be the type to charmingly but firmly put any rivals in their place. Depending on how far the rival has gone with you, it could even be imaginable that he would elegantly beat him to a pulp in an alley. Otherwise, a public display of your connection through physical contact would suffice to remind the audacious guy who heâs messing with. However, in Frostheim, Tohma is forced to use different means. If your new clingy acquaintance suddenly starts keeping their distance from you, it will likely be because they received an anonymous and highly convincing threatening letter. Everyone has skeletons in their closets, and Tohma knows exactly how to find and leverage them.
Although he is rather distant, Tohma has a seductive way of conversing with others, so it's highly likely that one or two women may have cast an eye on him. Since you are suffering as much as he is from the secrecy of your relationship, you will, sooner or later, inevitably find yourself ensnared in the burning arms of jealousy.
Even if Tohma can empathize with your feelings because he knows them as well as you do, he will want to maintain the façade at all costs and will earnestly ask you to be patient and hold back just a little longer. Sooner or later, everything will fall into place, and you can be together whenever you want. But whatever happens, don't act too rashly, as Tohma's goals for his service to the Frost King will always take precedence. By letting you into his life, he is undoubtedly risking a lot, so cut him some slack if he can't change his public behavior for now. The silver lining is that you'll receive more messages asking you to bring him "special documents" to the vault room. Reviewing those together will always take a bit more time.
Luca
Luca sees you as an honorable person and won't easily entertain the thought that anyone could take you from him, unless itâs death itself. Some situations may seem strange to him in the early days of your relationship when he sees you getting close to other men, with whom you're building a tighter (albeit genuinely platonic) relationship. Even Luca is not immune to feeling a bit uneasy.
Assuming that everything must be as it should, he will swallow that uncomfortable feeling for a long time and wonât let on. Unfortunately, he will do this until it boils over, and his feelings overwhelm him. In the next situation he observes â even if itâs just lunch at Sho's food truck â he will come directly to you and confront you both. Since by that point you likely won't have known anything about Luca's emotional state (how could you?), you'll be utterly incredulous and shocked as you watch Luca throw all his pride overboard, take your hands in his, look deep into your eyes, and seriously ask whether you still love him and want to stay with him, or if you've decided to be happier with another man. The shame reflected on his face when you tell him he couldn't be more wrong will remain a topic of conversation on campus for a long time. He won't stop apologizing to both you and your friend, promising that such behavior won't happen again. It might be best to take the poor man along to your meetings so he feels better.
Luca is an old-fashioned gentleman, inherently friendly and courteous to everyone. Unfortunately, he can quickly lose sight of his surroundings when he believes he is doing the right thing, leading to situations that may push others too far and evoke jealousy without him ever intending to.
If you react to your jealousy with a corresponding mood, Luca will quickly notice and address it. However, he won't pick up on any subtle hints you might drop that aren't blatantly obvious, as he wonât be aware of any inappropriate behavior. Once he knows how you feel, he won't stop apologizing and will be overwhelmed with guilt, culminating in showering you with attention and gifts. He promises you that he won't make such a mistake again, and he means it.
Kaito
Unfortunately, Kaito suffers from extremely low self-esteem, which also reflects the intensity of his feelings. Any tiny bit of attention you give to another man will immediately be interpreted as a sign of disinterest in him. At first, he will try to calm himself down. "Come on, Kaito, that's perfectly normal! Everyone has friends of the opposite sex! It doesn't mean anything." Despite all his efforts, his insecurity will eventually overwhelm him, and he will try to speak to you privately during a quiet moment, trying to subtly inquire about the person he is feeling envious of. "What exactly do you two discuss all the time?" "Where do you know him from?" "Does he have a girlfriend?"
Depending on the nature of your response, it will either calm him down for a while or bring him to tears. However, he would never bring it up in public. His crying will, at worst, only be noticed by his neighbors (who probably aren't surprised). Have some compassion for the poor man. He is so happy with you and still can't fathom that an angel like you chose him as her boyfriend of all people. Him, who feels like he has nothing to offer. Thus, the fear of losing you becomes even more pronounced because you might realize that he is really worthless. This, of course, is not true, and you've likely told him enough times. However, words alone wonât help him in this case. Involve him in your outings with friends and communicate or show publicly that Kaito is your boyfriend. Besides making him the happiest person on the planet, it will help calm him down.
If you, on the other hand, become jealous of someone Kaito is interacting with, you can assume that he won't pick up on it at first. After all, he wouldnât know what there is to be jealous about. Sure, Kaito didnât pass up any chance to flirt with other women on campus before your relationship, but that was, as stated, before you got together. Meanwhile, he would never risk making you feel unloved. If you initially donât communicate your jealousy directly and react with a worse mood instead, the last thing he will suspect is jealousy.
So if you canât shake off those feelings, communicate them. He may respond with confusion and even shock, but secretly he will be flattered. This will be an opportunity for you to boost his self-esteem, which can only benefit Kaito. He will cease any activities that lead to your jealousy and will make it clear in public (as long as you both agree on how to appear in public) that it is only you by his side.
Alan
Itâs relatively hard to imagine Alan becoming quickly jealous in the classic sense. Since heâs already unsure in the early stages of the relationship whether it was the right decision to enter it on his part, he wouldnât really hold it against you if you got closer to other people. Not that you yourself would ever have such thoughts, but Alan might interpret even the slightest closeness to someone else as you reconsidering your relationship with him.
Just because he wonât actively bring it up doesnât mean he wonât feel uncomfortable when he sees you (in his view) getting too familiar with another person. When his chest tightens, and he feels the urge to step in, hold you in his arms, and never let go to ensure that you belong to him alone, he would never act on that feeling.
On the other hand, he would never assume that you might be jealous of another woman he interacts with. Let alone that he would ever give another woman enough attention for you to even consider it. So, if you want to clear things up, youâll need to bring it up directly with him.
Knowing that you're jealous would simply break his heart, and he would wonder where he went wrong. Did he give you the impression that youâve become unimportant to him? Did he not give you enough attention? Did he actually get too close to someone else? He would apologize a thousand times and reassure you that you are his everything and that thereâs really nothing to worry about. He would avoid the other person as much as possible from then on, or at least behave much more distantly. He would never want to give the wrong impression or hurt you in any way.
Sho
Sho is a very easy-going and uncomplicated guy when it comes to relationships. He gives you all the freedom in the world and fully trusts that youâd never let anyone cross the line. The only thing that could trigger jealousy in Sho is his highly developed protective instinct. Thanks to his friendship with Leo and their excessive clubbing, he knows the dark sides of human nature all too well, and he wants to shield you from them at all costs.
So, if he notices another guy leaving his hand on your shoulder for just a millisecond too long, the good manâs protective instinct kicks in, and he feels the need to set that guy straight by joining in and adding some physical contact with you. He will throw the rival a few unmistakable looks. Once the boundaries are established and Sho has made it clear with his body language what happens if the guy gets too close to his beloved girlfriend, Sho will disappear just as quickly as he came. Have fun with the rest of your evening!
In the case that you are jealous when Sho interacts with certain people, heâll notice it from your body language right away, unless you outright tell him. Sho is, after all, an extremely attentive and surprisingly empathetic man who doesnât miss a single one of your glances. Even though he would expect the same trust from you that he gives you, he doesnât react with disappointment or rejection, but with loving teasing. âWhat, seriously, youâre jealous of her?â He simply finds your jealousy too cute to be genuinely angry.
Sho also belongs to the type of guy who would take you along to meetings with the respective person to make things more obvious and help ease your insecurities. From now on, heâll also be a little more careful to ensure that his actions toward others donât provoke any negative feelings in you.
Leo
Leo would never admit that heâs jealous of someone who (in his eyes) is getting too close to you. Absolutely not. If he feels anything, itâs anger because youâre risking being seen together, and his followers might think thereâs trouble between you and the influencer. Yeah, thatâs definitely the only thing that comes to his mind when he sees you with a supposed rival. Itâs the same when he sees overly nice comments from men about you under his videos and promptly deletes them. Donât let it go to your head or get any silly ideas.
So, donât think too much of it when he grumbles at you to be careful how you interact with other guys because it could give off the wrong impression. Donât read too much into it either if he starts marking his territory when you donât listen and still let that boring guy (allegedly) get too close. For Leo, the smallest form of physical contact is enough to trigger his jealous attentive radar. Heâll then quickly start pushing himself between you two, showering you with physical (and surely inappropriate for the situation) attention. Additionally, in his usual cruel style, heâll subtly insult and try to humiliate his supposed rival. If youâre in a relationship with Leo, youâll have to love him very much to deal with his behavior.
In Leoâs eyes, itâs obviously nooooo problem at all if other girls get too close to him. After all, heâs a popular influencer and canât neglect his fans. Why would you even think heâd start anything with one of those airheads? If you do somehow let your jealousy show, you can expect to be met with plenty of scorn and mockery on his part.
Leo wonât be able to stop laughing and will call you âstupidâ in the most creative ways more than once. Of course, heâll never show outwardly how cute he actually finds your jealousy. And he certainly wonât change his behavior toward his fans. Bad for business.
However, heâll now start including you in his videos much more frequently to make you feel better. Itâs definitely not because he enjoys showing off his cute girlfriend to everyone and bragging about you. Now, he just has a really good excuse to hide his true intentions behind.
Haru
Haru is usually too busy to worry about something like jealousy. Just like you, he also has his tasks and his daily life, which you can arrange however you like, with whomever you like. Things only get critical if you start spending time with someone else (for whatever reason) thatâs meant for the both of you. The first couple of times, he would take it as normal, but by the third rejection, his attention would be caught. Do you have someone else?
Haru isnât really the type to want to take away anyoneâs freedom. And certainly not yours. But sooner or later, he wonât be able to bear that uncomfortable, gnawing feeling in his chest anymore and will ask you, more or less casually, whatâs going on. Are you lacking something? Did he do something wrong? If you ask him more specifically why heâs asking, heâll calmly explain that he finds it strange that you have less time for him and that heâs worried youâre dissatisfied with him. Since you certainly arenât (and if you are, please bring it up directly â communication is everything in a relationship!), youâll reassure him that thereâs a very good reason for your absence and he doesnât need to worry. Heâll accept any explanation you give with relief because he fully trusts you.
In the reverse situation, Haru will quickly sense your discomfort if you somehow develop jealousy. He may not invest as much time in a relationship as others, but the time he does take for the both of you is used to its fullest. As a result, he gets to know you very well, very quickly, and senses right away when something is wrong. Heâll immediately ask you about it and want to know exactly whatâs bothering you.
If itâs his light flirting with female guests at the Safari Park, heâll do his best to cut it out, even though itâs completely meaningless to him. However, he wonât always succeed entirely because itâs just part of his nature, so please donât hold it against him too much. Whatever else has triggered your jealousy, heâll try to stop doing it from now on, as long as itâs within his control (some circumstances just donât allow certain behaviors to change). At the same time, heâll encourage you to have a bit more self-confidence and stop doubting his feelings for you because theyâre more than genuine. To be sure, though, heâll conspicuously and practically tell everyone just how fantastic his girlfriend is. Absolutely everyone. In every situation. Ren will get tired of hearing it. Towa, on the other hand, will love it. Eventually, everyone on campus will know that you are the great love of the ranger. Youâll also soon read this fact on the new brochures for the Safari Park. Still have doubts?
Towa
Once you enter a relationship with Towa, you are completely devoted to him. You are his dandelion, and he is your Prince Charming. Your love is pure and true, making it unthinkable for anyone to come between you. While Towa wouldnât dream of restricting your time with friends, he wonât tolerate anyone who seems to have more than friendship on their mind.
Towa feels his emotions intensely and is quickly overwhelmed by jealousy once it arises. You'll notice his mood shift instantlyâwhere sunshine was, storm clouds now linger when you and a friend are too close. Heâll wait for you to approach him, but if you bring it up, his anger will flare. Why would you let anyone come so close? Explanations wonât suffice here, and actions must follow to calm him. A little more physical distance between you and your friend will be necessary from now on. Towa dreams of a fairytale romance with his soulmate, and that includes avoiding any outward appearances that could be misunderstood.
On the flip side, itâs rare for Towa to get close to someone else, as he tends to keep people at a distance. Besides, itâs almost unthinkable for him to give much attention to anyone other than his beloved dandelion. His love for you is deep and genuine.
Should the impossible happen, and you feel jealous of someone else, Towa would drop that person in a heartbeat. Everyone besides you (and maybe Haru) is practically irrelevant to him. Heâll have no problem acting in a way that reassures you. âYouâre being silly, dandelion. Youâre the most beautiful flower of them all!â
Ren
Poor guy. Wasnât it painful enough for him to realize his feelings for you and act on them? Now he must also admit that you mean so much to him that even the thought of you leaving him for some brainless dullard drives him insane? Even though you likely wouldnât give him such reason to worry, the thought is hard to avoid. Ren has healthy self-confidence, but at the beginning of your relationship, he canât shake the fear that you might be one of those girls whoâd ditch him for a macho guy at the first chance.
Renâs jealousy is noticeable by how harshly he insults his supposed rival. âWhy are you hanging out with a guy who looks like he sleeps at the gorilla enclosure?â or âAre you sure youâre actually texting with him and not an AI? No way that guy learned how to write.â These are just some of the quips youâll hear. It wonât take much to figure out how Ren is feeling. He wouldnât ask to join you at these meetups or accompany you if you asked. Nor would he ever demand you stop seeing this person; itâs still your life, after all. However, showering him with extra affection wonât hurt, and though it wonât make his mood improve immediately, heâll deeply enjoy your attention. He knows he has to handle his feelings himself, and with time, he will.
Youâre unlikely to feel jealous of anyone in Renâs life, as he tends to avoid most people. If anything, you might get jealous of an online acquaintance he chats with often. Should you bring it up, heâll likely be annoyed since he canât comprehend how someone can feel threatened by a person who isnât physically present.
Heâs not the type to change his behavior just because youâre uncomfortable. He expects the same freedom he gives you. However, heâll (grudgingly and indirectly) assure you that you never need to worry about him being interested in anyone else. After all, youâre his fellow inmate in the prison called Darkwick, and no one could replace you.
Romeo
Romeo is a territorial type who hates when someone tries to intrude on his kingdom. Itâs not pure jealousy driving him to chase off his so-called rival but more so his outrage at someone daring to approach what belongs to him (yes, you belong to him).
However, how he reacts depends heavily on who youâre spending time with. If youâre hanging out with Kaito, Romeo wonât care much since he doesnât see him as a threat. But if your ârivalâ is more elegant and even remotely comparable to Romeoâs beauty, things get dangerous. First, heâll start appearing around you more often, publicly wrapping his arms around you and giving you tender kisses on the cheek. While youâre still trying to figure out whatâs happening, heâll brush your flushed cheek and whisper in your ear about how stunning you look today, all while shooting a triumphant glance at his rival. Not only does he publicly claim you, but he also secures a romantic interlude in his officeâunless, of course, you can resist a jealous Romeo. This scenario could repeat endlessly, but it wouldnât be wise to test Romeoâs patience. One day, your rival might mysteriously disappear. Strange how things happenâŚ
Conversely, Romeo expects you to have enough self-confidence to not let such a petty feeling as jealousy control you (easy for him to say). There will likely be plenty of occasions to make even the most confident person sweat with anxiety. After all, Romeo is incredibly attractive and knows how to use his charm to get what he wants. Who wouldnât be tempted?
If you canât hold back and express your discomfort over his behavior with someone else, youâll initially be met with disbelief and disappointment. Did he really choose a partner so insecure that she thinks the infallible Romeo would ever be in a relationship with someone replaceable? Nonsense. His words might make you feel like heâs dismissing your feelings, telling you to pull yourself together, but his actions will tell a different story. From then on, heâll bring you along to meetings with that person, showing you subtle yet unmistakable affection for everyone to see.
Taiga
It wonât be easy to provoke jealousy in Taiga. Not because heâs incapable of such feelings or because he doesnât care about you, but simply because he hardly takes his eyes off you. Heâs quite the clingy type and takes you practically everywhere he goes. Where would be the time to connect with someone else well enough for Taiga to have any wrong ideas?
However, if you do have enough time to become close friends with another guy, such that you have some (purely platonic) physical contact (a hand on the shoulder is enough), Taiga will quickly become dangerously jealous. Who dares to touch his beloved lucky charm?! This friendship wonât last long, as Taiga will swiftly come up to you, casually drape an arm around you, and with the other, draw his weapon and shamelessly aim it at his rival. âI think itâs time for you to leave.â Even though he says this calmly with a smile on his lips, hardly anyone will miss the seriousness of the situation. Heâll tolerate your complaints about his behavior and wave them off with boredom. But he will do it again if anyone approaches you in that way. His jealousy only flares up with charismatic types; the only exception might be Romeo. With people he perceives as losers, you can remain friends as you like. Donât look at him like that. You chose this relationship for yourself.
In the very unlikely event that you become jealous of someone in Taigaâs vicinity, an (extremely uncomfortable) solution will also quickly present itself. Taiga will notice your jealousy if you react to him in a particular mood. When you tell him the reason, he will laugh loudly and pat your head, visibly amused as he asks if he means so much to you that you become jealous so quickly.
âNo reason to worry, kitty cat, look.â Without hesitation, he pulls out a weapon and aims it at the person who triggered your jealousy. You should really react quickly at this point to prevent something worse. He truly doesnât care about anything except you, and unfortunately, he has no qualms about showing that.
Ritsu
To provoke someone like Ritsu into such a base feeling as jealousy would take quite a lot. He is an extremely pragmatic man who has his own way of handling feelings, which he keeps quite well under control. Moreover, as his chosen one, you must possess certain qualities to even be considered at his side, including loyalty.
So why should Mr. Shinjo even worry that you might fall for another man? After all, you entered into a relationship, and that comes with rulesâlike an invisible contract that you both signed with a kiss. If he has doubts about you, they are likely to be well-foundedâlike obviously more than purely platonic physical contact with another man or blatantly ignoring Ritsu in the presence of certain people. In this case, he will immediately address it and ask for clarification of the matter.
Conversely, it will also be difficult for him to develop jealousy towards someone Ritsu associates with. You know his professional nature too well. So unless you yourself tend toward strong jealousy over trivial matters, you will only be overwhelmed by your feelings in absolutely justified situations.
Ritsu is a good observer and will quickly notice if something is wrong with you. He will directly address it to inquire about the reason for your mood swing. However, he would be a bit disappointed if you didnât bring it up yourself. He will address the problem directly and wonât waste time on the fact that he cannot comprehend your feelings, because the fact is, you have them, and he doesnât want you to feel uncomfortable. Whatever behavior led to your jealousy: he will cease it immediately.
Haku
Haku is not someone who becomes jealous easily, which is why he grants you a lot of freedom. You would have to give someone an unusually large amount of attention to evoke that feeling in Haku. However, he isnât the type of person to directly express his discomfort. Instead, he will endure the feeling and the sight of the two of you for quite some time until he can no longer help but take action.
Nevertheless, he wonât directly address it; instead, he will take care of the problem himself, activating his hunting instinct and increasingly joining you whenever youâre with that particular someone. In doing so, he will try to more or less subtly solidify his status as your boyfriend. A spontaneous kiss on the cheek, his arm around your waist throughout the meeting, the casual question of when he can expect you tonight⌠Yep, heâll manage his emotional chaos on his own. So you can sit back and enjoy this extra attention.
If you are the one who becomes jealous (which is more than understandable considering Hakuâs naturally flirtatious nature), he will quickly notice regardless of how you communicate. Not that he would want to hurt you intentionally, but he will likely find your jealousy quite adorable and will playfully tease you about it. He certainly wonât pass up the chance to annoy you. âWatch out, Iâm meeting a certain lady today who is quite pretty, but she canât even begin to compare to the princess in front of me,â or âI donât know if youâre ready for this, but Iâm seeing that one person today to whom I recently told her hairstyle looks good. But donât worry: I wonât take her home.â Heâll ride that horse for a long time.
But rest assured, Haku only wants whatâs best for you. So to take away any uncertainty, he will present you even more obviously as his beloved girlfriend in public. He wonât suggest it himself, but if you express a desire to meet those individuals who triggered your jealousy, he wonât refuse. After all, he has nothing to hide. However, youâd need to be pretty thick-skinned to endure that meeting, during which Haku will naturally be all over you the whole time to show you that you neednât worry about anyone taking his flirting seriously, as everyone should already know heâs taken.
Subaru
The former Kabuki actor suffers from many insecurities regarding himself. This is likely connected to his somewhat impractical ability that can activate without his active involvement, showing him things that were never meant for his eyes. Despite all circumstances, he has entered into a relationship with you and, given the physical contact youâve likely had, knows pretty much everything about you there is to know. This includes knowing your sincere feelings for him.
Because of this, thereâs hardly any reason for Subaru to develop jealousy. You have your friends and handle them your way. Thatâs absolutely okay for him. The only exception might be strangers who have just appeared and are still difficult for Subaru to assess. In this case, especially charismatic individuals who are also very friendly toward you could provoke some jealousy in him, but he would never show it openly or address it, because, as mentioned: he knows you and trusts you completely. However, you might notice a change in his suddenly much more self-confident and assertive demeanor towards the strangers, indicating what has triggered this character change.
Conversely, Subaru will notice even the slightest change in your mood or behavior and interpret it correctly, so your jealousy wonât remain hidden for long. Being who he is, he wonât stop apologizing, sincerely assuring you that he never intended to evoke those feelings in you. The situation is visibly uncomfortable for him.
Since he takes your feelings very seriously and feels them himself through your physical contact, he will take all necessary measures to nip them in the bud. This includes, of course, assuring you thousands of times that you never have to worry. Heâs far too polite to simply dismiss other people, but he will still behave a bit more distantly towards those individuals.
Zenji
Given his circumstances, Zenji was likely quite difficult to convince to enter into a relationship, so he probably gives you a lot of freedom in how you interact with othersâeven though he, too, can reach his limits. However, he would never expect you to completely devote yourself to him when you still have your whole life ahead of you.
When it comes to the feeling of jealousy in general, he knows it all too well, as he practically feels that biting sensation towards anyone who has the privilege of being physically close to you and feeling your warmth. However, assume that he would never communicate this feeling under any circumstances. He loves you too much and is too at peace with himself and his situation.
We can probably skip the reverse scenario, as besides a few chosen ones, no one can see him anyway. But if Zenji was already that kind of person in life, it stands to reason that someone with the right disposition could quickly become envious of his admirers, with whom he interacts very openly and invitingly, even if he never has any ulterior motives.
Zenji is the definition of a pure soul. If for any reason you were ever in a situation where you became jealous of someone who interacted with him, he would noticeâwhether you show it or not. Without ever bringing it up himself, he would simply cease the behavior that led to your jealousy. For you should never even entertain the idea that anyone could be more interesting to him than his dearly beloved muse.
Rui
Since Rui is someone who could easily steal a girlfriend from one or two guys, he is even more wary of guys of his caliber. Itâs not that he doesnât trust you per se, but he just knows how quickly someone can be tempted when the right buttons are pressed. To make matters worse, Rui isnât really able to defend himself. He canât just take you in his arms to present you as his or stand up to a guy to show dominance. Your relationship is, at best, only known through hearsay. Of course, he will feel unbearably burning jealousy when he sees someone who can touch you so easily while Rui stays in the background. And this type of jealousy is a thousand times worse than the one he literally feels toward anyone who has the privilege of touching you.
In a relationship with Rui, you should be quite careful about how you interact with other men, as Rui finds himself in an extremely vulnerable position that has been exacerbated by your relationship since he suddenly has even more to lose than before. Since he already feels guilty about being in a relationship with you when you should ideally be with someone who can offer you more than he can, he will never openly reveal his feelings to spare you what he considers an inappropriate guilty conscience. Nevertheless, his jealousy will inevitably reflect in his mood and wonât escape your trained eye. When confronted about it, Rui will admit his jealousy but assure you that you donât need to worry about him because you havenât done anything wrong, and itâs solely his problem. At this point, it doesnât really matter how you react, whether you change your behavior towards the person involved or not. Unfortunately, the damage is already done for Rui.
On the other hand, Rui makes a tremendous effort not to give the impression that heâs still acting the same way as before your relationship or even before his curse. However, flirting is just too natural for him, so he canât always suppress it, even if he doesnât really think anything of it. He will quickly realize if he has crossed a line in your eyes and immediately backtrack. He would never hold your jealousy against you, as heâs self-aware enough to admit that it is absolutely justified, even if he would never go too far.
As far as itâs in his power, he will unobtrusively try to communicate to every woman that he is more than happily taken. So, never be too angry with him. He really is doing his best.
Ed
The elegant vampire is not so easily made jealous, especially since you certainly know what kind of dangerous man youâve gotten yourself into. Heâs also a bit too old and experienced to be overwhelmed by such feelings. However, he absolutely will not tolerate attention-seeking and obvious rivals who come a little too close to you.
Letâs be honest: Ed is a drama queen and has no sense of shame. So brace yourself for a performance worthy of an Oscar. âSo you want to abandon your poor, sick lover? You would just leave me to certain death?â While speaking in a dramatic tone, he physically pushes his rival away with his back and throws himself around your neck after letting out some truly serious coughs. âHavenât I given you all my attention and love? Havenât I satisfied you to your utmost delight every single time? What have I done wrong?â Before you can even sink into the ground out of embarrassment, he begins passionately kissing along your neck until he eventually reaches your mouth. If you donât push him away, he will continue this act until you both find yourselves in a rather compromising position in front of everyone present, while he gains access to your mouth with his tongue. If thatâs not one of your kinks, you should definitely reject him and dramatically declare that he is your great love and has absolutely nothing to fear. He will only be satisfied once youâve embarrassed yourselves so thoroughly in front of everyone that no one would ever think of getting too close to his prey girlfriend again. But if weâre being more honest, thatâs definitely better than the scenario where your supposed rival suddenly disappears from campus and is never seen again.
Conversely, Ed loves to flirt for his life. Itâs in his nature to wrap his prey around his finger so they willingly give him whatever he desires. Fortunately, his interest in other people is quite limited, so you will rarely see him interacting with anyone else besides Lyca and Rui. However, if situations do arise that provoke jealousy in you, Ed will definitely notice it immediately. And he will exploit it.
He loves you fiercely. You can be assured of this when he enters into a relationship with you. However, he remains a man who loves exaggeration. So, if he observes changes in your behavior that indicate jealousy, he will ride that feeling until he pushes your patience to the limit, leaving you with no choice but to explode and confront him. Just as in the case where you âmade him jealous,â he will fairly pull the reverse show and swear his sincere love to you in the most emotional way you can imagine, immediately sending the lady (?) he was just with to hell. He will then hope that you will throw yourself around him, just the way he loves it.
Lyca
For Lyca, the concept of a relationship is quite new, and he must first learn to cope with the new emotions that have opened up to him since then and learn to assign individual feelings. This also includes jealousy. However, it is unlikely that it will quickly become a part of his portfolio, as physical contact is something natural for him and merely a sign of affection. He must first understand that this affection can indeed go deeper before he begins to worry about other guys.
Once he learns what distinguishes a relationship from a good friendship, he will indeed feel that uncomfortable tightness in his chest when he sees you with someone (like Ed) who develops in his new definition of appropriateness. Instead of observing or addressing you about it, he will impulsively take action and confront your perceived rival. âHey, why are you so close to her? She already has a boyfriend, got it?!â Despite Lycaâs heated mood, the situation can quickly and calmly be resolved, as he will listen to your explanations and apologize if he has indeed overreacted (which is quite likely at the beginning). After all, he is still learning, and everything takes time.
In the unlikely event that Lyca interacts with girls that provoke jealousy in you, he will only acknowledge your feelings if you openly communicate them. A changed mood will otherwise simply be dismissed as âwomen are just unnecessarily complicated.â
âHuh, why are you thinking such silly thoughts? Look.â He will immediately wrap his arms around you and give you an unexpected kiss on the mouth. âDo you think I would want to do that with someone else?â However, Lyca takes your feelings seriously enough that he will adjust his behavior toward the individuals involved in the future. Whatever has caused your jealousy will now be stamped as âinappropriate in a relationship.â
Yuri
The great and exalted Yuri Isami would never feel such a base emotion as jealousy. Where do you think youâre going?! Itâs not as if he has no experience with relationships and therefore cannot assess what behavior toward others is normal and what isnât. No, no. He has much more important things to do than pay attention to your leisure activities. As if he would care how close that one guy gets to you, how casually he places his hand on your shoulder, or the way he looks at you. As if Yuri would even give a thought to whether heâs coming so close that the guy can smell your delicately fragrant perfume, which Yuri loves, or whether you give that guy the same charming smile you give Yuri every time you finally see each other again after a long, work-filled day. Really. Completely beneath his dignity.
So if he asks you who that dishonorable worm is that youâve been spending so much time with lately or about whom youâve mentioned one too many times in Yuriâs eyes, he only wants to comply with your alleged request that you should get to know each other better and participate more in each otherâs lives. Even the biggest idiot on the planet wouldnât miss the intentions behind his questions, and itâs certainly incredibly tempting to mention that he is definitely the epitome of the jealous boyfriend. But do you really want to do that to this proud man? He would deny it anyway, and dwelling on his obvious questions would probably only lead to a bad atmosphere. Just assure him that the worm is just a worm you like and that no one can compare to your knight in shining armor. But go ahead and enjoy the feeling of having completely captured this manâs heart.
If you ever feel jealous of someone Yuri is involved with, you will need to communicate it directly, as Yuri wonât quickly come to the idea that you are jealous, even if you react to him with obviously poor mood and irritation.
Even though he will feel very flattered when you confess that you are jealous, he unfortunately belongs to the type of person whose self-confidence should not be stroked too much. He will give you a lecture on how silly it is to give in to such a lowly feeling as jealousy and remind you that there is no reason for it. However, if you insist on it, he will pay more attention in the future to how he interacts with other people so that it doesnât provoke negative feelings in you. The positive side of the story is that Yuri will then give you even more attention and become even more romantic. Because in truth, despite all his strictness, he would never want you to feel bad.
Jiro
Many of the feelings that develop in Jiro during your relationship are completely new to him. The fluttering in his chest when youâre together, the goosebumps your touch gives him, the need to feel your whole body against his skin, and also this new discomfort he feels when he sees you with another man. Generally, he doesn't mind if you spend a lot of time with other men, so it takes quite a bit of physical closeness to evoke feelings of jealousy in him.
Jiro is a pragmatic and very straightforward man. When he observes a situation where you get close enough to another person to provoke jealousy in him, he will first carefully watch both you and himself until he is sure that he can't dispel his insecurity on his own. So be prepared for questions later like, âIs there a special reason why youâre so close?â, âAm I no longer evoking romantic feelings in you, so you've reconsidered our relationship?â, âIs it normal to have multiple lovers?â
Since Jiro is quite an attractive man who works with numerous patients, it wonât be uncommon for him to interact closely with them, and some examinations may take a while. He will never think anything of it and will never come to the idea that you might think something of it either. Itâs his job to take care of his patients. Nothing more, nothing less.
The only exception might be if he has experienced jealousy himself beforehand. In that case, he will have taken note of the trigger and will make sure to avoid giving you the same feeling. Therefore, he will closely observe you in this scenario, and at the slightest hint that you might be jealous, he will come to you and directly remind you that you donât need to worry. Even if youâre not actually jealous. If he hasn't experienced jealousy yet, you will need to directly address your feelings with him and probably explain them in detail so that he can understand, which will likely result in a very awkward conversation for you. And no, he wonât really be able to understand it, as he will never see a reason for jealousy from his perspective. Nevertheless, he will then try to avoid the behavior that triggers those uncomfortable feelings in you.
#tokyo debunker#tokyo debunker x reader#tokyo debunker headcanon#kaito fuji#haku kusanagi#jin kamurai#tohma ishibashi#lucas errant#sho haizono#leo kurosagi#alan mido#towa otonashi#haru sagara#ren shiranami#subaru kagami#zenji kotodama#rui mizuki#edward hart#lyca colt#yuri isami#jiro kirisaki#taiga hoshibami#romeo lucci#ritsu shinjo
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