#anyways interesting experiment and maybe i'll try it again now that i'm not in classes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kaylinalexanderbooks · 3 months ago

Text

OC questionnaire

Thanks @oliolioxenfreewrites here and here, @winglesswriter here, @the-golden-comet here, here, and here, @paeliae-occasionally here, and @drchenquill here!

Rules: answer the given questions in the POV of your OCs, then give the next people three more questions!

Holy shit I'm actually caught up?!?!

Previous Questionnaires:

Rounds One and Two Masterpost

Maddie, Ash, Noelle, Ewan, Jazlyn, Lexi, Alex, Carmen

Gwen, Gabriel, Liam, Xitlali, Akash, Jedi, Rose, Sam

See below for: Robbie, Hye-Jin, George, Wade, CJ, Teo, Atsila, Niri

#1- Robbie

Would you consider yourself loyal?

“Well, I don't exactly want to toot my own horn or anything but yeah, I consider myself loyal. If anything happened to Akash, I'd actually lose it. I got into a physical fight in his honor. That was how I displayed my powers for the first time, actually, so that was pretty cool. Sammy, too, I'm very loyal to my sister. And my friends at Alium, they're so dope, I love them, okay? So, yeah, loyal. Me. I'm that. I'm like a dog that way. ... I think that's a good thing. I dunno why I had to say that, I was done. *Sigh* okay I'm just gonna stop now and move onto the next question because holy shit I'm rambling, and I always do that, and I never know when to stop annnd I'm doing it again, okay for real this time. I'm done.”

If you saw someone unhoused on the corner asking for money, would you stop and give or keep going?

“From personal experience, I'd stop. My mother always makes sure I have money, cash, on my person at all times. And unfortunately - well, maybe not unfortunately, I dunno why I said that, the POINT is, I have this thing where if I see something bad happen, and I know I could help, but then I don't, I literally cannot stop thinking about that for anywhere between a full 48 hours to the rest of my life. I passed someone before, because I was late, and then ran back and gave them like five dollars because it ate me up, but they were happy, so that made up for the fact that I was late. Great, now it sounds like I'm humble-bragging. I swear I'm not trying to. My point is that I want to help people. And I'll stop there before I ramble again.”

Pineapple on pizza. Thoughts?

“Gonna be honest, never tried it. But I'm SUPER curious. I gotta know what it tastes like, but I'm scared. Both Ash and Noelle like it. Ash I don't trust at all - that girl likes the dumbest food combinations - and Noelle is interesting because she likes food and knows what goes well together, but also I don't remember when she's ever described food as bad, and she has other pizza toppings that she claims are better anyway. Point is, I'm curious but scared to try it.”

✨ Robbie intro post✨

#2- Hye-Jin

What's your earliest childhood memory?

“Oh, that's difficult. Hmmm... I'm not sure which is the first memory, actually. It's not like I memorized the time and dates of everything haha! [Pause] Okay, fine, I remember. It was the first day of preschool. I had only just turned three. Everyone in the class had these, uh, Assignments, I guess. Roles? Hm... Ah yes, jobs, so everyone in the classroom had responsibility. It was randomized, but I got the "caboose," or the person who stood in the back of the line. I cried really hard because I thought that was the worst job in the world, and my teacher probably hated me. I got to carry a flower, though, so I think that calmed me down.”

Do you dance?

“It's more like did. From, hm... Ah, kindergarten grade through sixth grade, I did ballet, tap, and jazz at a local dance studio. But middle school kinda allowed me to take more extra curriculars that were more convenient, so my parents told me I should probably drop dance after my sixth grade year was a mess. I didn't want to, but y'know it is my parents' money. I wish I could've kept it up.”

What smell you can't stand?

“Oh, cinnamon. I'm so sorry, but I don't like it. The smell, anyway. It's weird, I don't mind cinnamon as a taste. But the smell is too much. Maybe that's weird.”

Other Hye-Jin: OC in three, fun facts, bingo, deep dive, origin, outfit, questionnaire one, questionnaire two

#3- George

What never fails to make you laugh?

“A couple things. One: my sister, Carla. She's actually really funny. Watch a movie with her, and you'll see. She's yelling at the screen, insulting her favorite characters, getting way too invested. She tells me all of her thoughts. Two: stupid customers. Hilarious! Someone told me their newly installed voice activator was broken. They were going to pay me a LOT of money. They programmed their voices and everything! Turns out, they hadn't turned it on yet. Three: Liam. The guy can turn everything into an argument, it's fascinating to watch. But funny as in he's super clever, and he can roast anyone. The funniest day for me would be if they came with me on my job, i had to deal with a dumb customer, Liam roasted them, and Carla ranted about a new movie she found.”

How can you tell if you’ll get along with someone?

“Haha, that's funny. People skills are just a little overrated. It's been Carla and me in our house for a while, and we've been doing fine! I'm certainly not going to make friends doing my job no matter how much the homeowners want to talk to me. Liam is cool, and I knew I was gonna get along with him when we met, so he's literally the only example I have for this question. Okay... I knew I was going to get along with him because I was getting everything hooked up to move a lot of the data to our place, and I was talking out loud and Liam seemed bored so he inserted himself into the one-sided conversation and helped me figure out everything. Then the next day, I was working on one of the computers, and Liam came up to me and just started talking. He said I seemed bored, and I was. Sometimes I can't fix things at superspeed because I have to wait for the computer to respond, or the hardware is delicate or something. He asked me to 'infodump,' he said, about any topic I wanted to. The previous night, I stayed up late reading the entire file on jellysponges, so I just talked about them and suddenly, it was like no time had passed and the computer was done! Liam nodded, said my information would be helpful if he ever got into an Alii marine biology debate, and then he invited me to sit with him at lunch. That was cool.”

Do you prefer sweet, savory, sour, or salty snacks?

“I have been talking for way too long. Well, I mean, you may not think it's that long, but I don't do this unless I'm excited about something, and being a speedster it feels like it's taken forever. Anyways, I like all snacks because I have to eat a lot for my metabolism, but honestly out of those snacks I like salty chips.”

Other George: OC in three, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, fun facts

What is your favorite season?

#4- Wade

“Ooh, that's hard. [A couple seconds of silence.] Sorry, Liam's in my head debating all of them. Alright *claps hands* I think it has to be summer. There's so many things to do, and it is always pretty fun to just make a vacation plan. And the beach is awesome. Teo and Parker and I plan our summer - well I plan it; if the others did it'd be a disaster, and they know it. The point is, our summers rock.”

Where would you like to visit?

“I would like to go to Japan. There's so much stuff to do in Tokyo alone. I haven't been to Comic-Con, and I'd really like to, or an anime con. Being from Florida, I've been to Disney World a few times, but not Disneyland in California. Then again, the one in Tokyo... Man, there's a lot of planning that'd be involved. Can't wait til I graduate.”

When do you usually go to sleep?

“I try to be in bed by ten so I can get to sleep before eleven because high school times are shit and I want at least six hours before I have to get up, and that's still not enough sleep! Parker and Teo have it worse, though, since they both can't get settled down until, like, midnight. Uggghhh, we should ban school before nine.”

Other Wade: OC in three, interview, kiss, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, two truths and a lie

#5- CJ

How long has it been since you last travelled?

“Last summer, my family went and traveled around Sector 8 in Alium. It was so fun. Though I admittedly kinda missed Issa. She would've loved it. My favorite part was seeing an opera, actually. It's quite fascinating.”

Where is your favourite place?

“I find it a little strange to have a favorite place. Sometimes my room is a good place to be but sometimes I just want to leave it. Now, I think you're probably just referring to a place that statistically I'm more likely to be happy in. In that case *shrug* not enough data to say definitively, sorry. However, I sometimes stop by the library and just organize books that are there. They're always out of place. And the librarians know me by name. I don't think I have any bad memories there, so even though I don't go to the library every day, I think that's my answer.”

If the inciting event never happened, what would you be doing?

Other CJ: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

*bursts out laughing* “'Inciting event?' Like, as in stirring up something or like, in a story? Cause this is real life, baby. Okay, I'll play along. I guess one could say it was Rose showing up. I suppose if that never happened, I would just be living life like normal. Rose and I don't have a lot in common, but I enjoy talking to her. She is really friendly and thoughtful. So I guess I would be a friend short. And I would be content, but not as happy as I am now.”

#6- Teo

Do you speak more than one language?

“Uh-huh. Three, actually. English, Vietnamese, and American Sign Language! I'm fluent in all of them. My parents decided to try and teach me ASL when they realized I'd need, like, hearing aids, so they, like, took classes and taught me! And not to toot my own horn but, like, having three languages down meant my brain was, like, SO ready for kindergarten.”

What is your favorite thing to eat?

“Do NOT make me choose. It's literally, like, whatever I'm eating in the moment. Right now *holds up* it's this sandwich.”

What drives you to succeed?

“My boyfriend. And also, like, my own ambitions. I can do a lot of things. Again, not bragging, just a fact. I know, like, gymnastics, acting, improv, role play, those are similar I know, playing the guitar, singing, photography, ballet, graphic design, editing, I can go on. It's literally just me wanting to learn how to do more stuff, y'know? I want to build an impressive ass resume. Not just for, like, jobs, life in general. I'm always looking for new skills.”

Other Teo: questionnaire one, questionnaire two, kiss

#7- Atsila

What's the worst thing you've ever done? Do you regret it?

“The worst thing? Ha-ha-ha, what a question. What, in my opinion? Well, I wasn't paying much attention in my literacy class, so I failed! Hahaha, I'm kidding. I'm just not the kind of person to do terrible things, baby. I guess sometimes my competitive nature has made other people upset, but that's technically not anything I've done. Well, that's settled.”

What's the quickest way to make you laugh?

“I do love watching someone make a fool out of themselves. Deserved, though. I have standards. I won't kick people while they're done, but it's sure funny when those who get in my way fall over. Also, make a sexual innuendo and I'll be on the floor in stitches.”

What is your favorite song right now?

“There's this lovely piece called ‘Who We Become in the Shadows’ by Keano Adler. You wouldn't have heard of it, being Ceter and all. Anyway, I should get back. It was lovely talking with you.”

Other Atsila: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

#8- Niri

Do you sometimes wish to be someone else?

“Sometimes, yes. I don't want to lie. I'm thankful that it isn't constant. Usually, I am happy. Sometimes I'm not. It depends on the situation.”

Do you push forward or take time to rest?

“Hard question. [Thinks about it] I think I rest if I find a task boring. I push forward when I like the task.”

What is your favorite drink?

“I like hot chocolate. It is not just a winter drink!”

Other Niri: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

Tagging @sarandipitywrites @theeccentricraven @reininginthefirewriting @paeliae-occasionally @bread-roses-and-chrome

+ ANYONE ELSE

Y'all's questions: 1) Describe your ideal life. 2) What are you most looking forward to? 3) What's your most unique trait?

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet

15 notes · View notes

itsu-saragi · 2 months ago

Text

Devlog #6 - My Brain Hurts, but When Does it Not?

Good timezone! Sorry I'm late with the update, but the good news: we're so back. I've finally settled in and have resumed my work on this blasted project.

Writing

I reviewed my notes and decided to do another pass on the love interest character.

Ngl, he's really fucking hard to write. Usually, I can imagine how my characters act and speak pretty well, but this guy... this guy. I'm still struggling to get a grasp on him.

I wonder if it's because I'm creating him for a VN? Or maybe I'm just overthinking?

Actually, let's talk about this for a brief moment.

I'm someone who loves creating original characters. Just this past month, apart from this VN I made two other OCs for some DnD games, and that came easy. So in comparison, why has this LI-creating process been so hard for me?

Well first, it's worth noting that there's a specific method to creating characters in DnD. You pick your race, class, background, et cetra... And those selections in turn inform who your character may be. Does your character have the Soldier background and high intelligence, but low strength? Well, maybe you could interpret that as your character being a military strategist, but with little combat experience. Those rules allow for creativity within the limitations. On the other hand, I'm trying to create a character in my own homebrew world, plus there's no RPG system, so I have fewer constraints which can make my indecisive ass suffer.

Now that I think of it, it might not be a bad idea to try turning him into a DnD character...

I'm getting off track.

Anyway. Though I said there are fewer constraints when creating a VN character, I'm not totally correct there. It's just that I feel there's a different set of requirements that are more... challenging. At least to me.

You see, when I create characters I don't typically construct them with a greater purpose in mind. I just want to make them a cool little creature, and if there's an existing world or story I'll modify them so they make sense in the lore. I’ll add their shortcomings so that they have room to grow, but in a collaborative setting like DnD it’s not guaranteed that my character will go through their arc, nor do I know how that arc will play out, so it’s not my main focus.

But when creating this VN, I've realized that not only does this character need to be interesting and appealing, but I also need to give them a complete arc while simultaneously fitting the narrative and theme. And maybe more stuff I'm not aware of. These constraints aren't mechanical, they're more... structural.

I'm not sure if that's the right word. But it sure as hell made my head spin.

I don't know what the solution to this is other than keep drafting and iterating. Maybe it's turning them into DnD characters.

It's a fun challenge to think about though.

Programming

On another note, after weeks of dreaded avoidance, I finally cracked open RenPy again. And turns out it didn't suck, so yay?

I've added more scenes and choices in my prototype, which is satisfying to see when I run the code.

I think my next challenge is figuring out the scope and the UI. The scope can only be determined by working on the narrative outline so... I should probably prioritize that.

And on the days when my writing brain isn't working, I should tackle some of the UI. Hearing other devs talk about how annoying RenPy UI can be gets me a little nervous, but I guess it's time to find out for myself.

October Goals

Try to get this love interest character locked in holy shit

And if possible, figure out scope, if not try UI

Thank you for reading! I appreciate it.

#dev log #gamedev #vn development #indie otome #indie gamedev

3 notes · View notes

starmangeek · 1 month ago

Text

Info!

Hey! I'm Vance, a transmasc guy who likes to draw and listen to music. I use he/him pronouns. I AM A MINOR! I'm 13, so I'm allowed to be on here, but I'm still young and kinda stupid. I don't interact with stuff 18+ because I'm savouring my childhood innocence before it gets shipwrecked through health class this year ^^. If you're accounts a minor dni account but a normal post, like fanart that's not dirty, if yours shows up on my for you and I interact with it, I probably didn't click into your account and see that, so don't block me or do block me, idc, just don't yell at me or smth. Idk, anyways- this is just some info about my account and what I plan to do here. Sorry if my grammar is bad, I'm a reader, not a writer. I also type very fast.

As a little summary if you don't want to read all this,

I draw (horribly), listen to music religiously, talk about my opinions on things and my hyperfixations. I'm currently pretty into Rick and Morty, Gravity Falls, and RTC.

Now for the essay of details. Yay!

I mainly draw my hyperfixations, which I'll talk about next. I only draw people because I suck at drawing animals and objects. I'm still learning since I literally just picked up drawing again after not drawing since I was 10-ish. I can't really draw anatomy and hair is so complicated! I try though, and if you have any art tips, please share! They all help! I mainly do traditional since my tablet is small and I have little to no experience with digital art. I've been trying to save up for a drawing table but money's tight :<

Ah yes, my hyperfixations. I'm in quite a lot of fandoms, so here's a list of the main one's that I'm into right now,

Rick and Morty

The Outsiders

Bully SE (yes, I know it's a video game from 2008, I don't care, it's fun to play)

South Park

Heartstopper

Astronomy (yes, I count astronomy as a fandom, sue me)

Good Omens

RTC (Ride The Cyclone)

And many more! I take requests for these fandoms.

I'm heavily indulged in music, and I'm not exaggerating, I have a 60+ hour playlist. Speaking of which, is on Spotify and is called, A Transmasc Guy's Favorite Songs 💫. It has a Crowley meme as the cover. Very funny. If you're interested in finding new music or playlists that can go from Hozier to Ghost to David Bowie, then this is your playlist! Just a warning though, I've had this playlist since I was 11, so some songs might get outdated. I'm too lazy to go through it and remove songs. Maybe one day I will. I welcome music requests with open arms! I love finding new music. Also, French music is soooo good.

Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5vH1LV9iBSPWgoe9sOxSMs?si=UuVuFMwmSkeqlx-5fp1a-A

Last, but certainly not least, is questions and requests! I'm open to asking questions about myself and opinions on fandoms, music, games, stuff like that! Please don't ask anything political or be rude (transphobic, homophobic, racist, etc.). For requests, I accept art and music requests! As I stated under fandoms, I draw my hyperfixations listed, but I draw others aswell, depending on the fandom. Feel free to leave a request for any fandom and I'll do it if I can. Requests might be slow, but I promise I'll get to it! You can also state if you just want line art, a colouring, shoulders and up, full body (might take a long while) and if you want traditional or digital! Just a heads up if you do, my drawing skills aren't the best, especially with anatomy and hair, so be aware. I also have limited colouring supplies for traditional and ability for digital, but I'll try my hardest!

And remember, I am a MINOR.

Thank you for reading all this and if you're interested, then follow, if you'd like of course. I know basically no one is going to see this, but for those who do, I hope you stick around. Obviously just don't be rude it disrespectful. Have a lovely day! - Vance, aka StarmanGeek

#gravity falls #ride the cyclone #rick and morty #good omens #heartstopper #south park #bully #astronomy #I dont know how to use tags #I just got here #The Outsiders

4 notes · View notes

r3dblccd · 1 year ago

Text

GETTING TO KNOW YOU !

respond to the following prompts. include as much or as little as you want; you don't have to answer them all !

tagged by: @rainyearning

tagging: @luneblush, @moonpierces, @formorethananame, @weedzkiller, @dozenrozez, @wcvensouls, @honeycoded, @cherridream, @caelcstis, @blondiexbiites

name / alias. Rose

birthday. 12 February

zodiac sign. Aquarius

height. 150 cm (as mentioned sometimes before, I bite ankles)

hobbies. Listening to music, reading, writing, drawing, journaling, dancing, biting ankles, having existential crisis

favorite color. Red

favorite book. It's so hard to pick though! I'd say maybe the Rat trilogy by Haruki Murakami

last show. I honestly don't remember. I think it was the short series Choco Milk Shake. Idk what I'm gonna watch next, there are so many I still have to catch up on like WWDITS, My Beautiful Man, Our Flag Mean Death, Good Omens, Yellowjackets, Alice in Borderland, and now Sweet Home season 2.

sources of inspiration. I draw inspiration and ideas from various sources, be it movies, tv series, books, webtoons, video games, music, what have you.

story behind url. It's taken from the bridge of Enhypen's Given-Taken. Most of you all probably probably already know, but I just love vampires and everything magical and supernatural and wonderful and terrifying. And it just made sense with the majority of the muses that I have for the url to be this.

recent read. I moved this here for last so you can skip reading me ramble if you want. (I tell you, it's long, don't say I didn't warn you)

There have been so many things I've read in the past few months for my classic literature discipline in uni, mainly classic Greek literature and theatre, we've only recently dived in early roman literature and works from the Western European Middle Ages, our professor is kicking our asses off, but honestly these are one of my favourite classes out of the whole semester. But anyway, I actually just now finished reading The Romance of Tristan and Iseult by Joseph Bedier. Not bad, I must say. It has never been really my cup of tea to read romance stories, but at least it was much more interesting to read that than to read The Golden Ass (that one wasn't bad either, if we overlook some parts of it, yeah, I admit, but it was so unnecessary long in my opinion, I was literally falling asleep while reading it). If I had to pick which of the works I've read so far is my favourite, I'd have to say I really liked the tragedy Medea by Euripides (our professor once told us a story how she watched it being played out for the only time at the theatre in the city that we call our cultural center and how suddenly it started to rain and there was a thunder during the monologue of Medea and how it felt like nature was out there for the heroine and as if it was listening to her and answering her word, and the actress just kept playing her role in the water and when she was done, the rain suddenly stopped as if on cue and the sky was suddenly as clear as day again, and damn, I wish I was there to see it myself, I don't even care if I got drenched, I got chills just listening to that story. That was basically a once in a lifetime experience. But ANYWAY! The story itself is great, I really loved it.) and I also liked the comedy Frogs by Aristophanes, despite the message that the author was trying to convey at that time period.

As for my free time, I'm still reading The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams and I'm pretty close to finishing the second book from the whole series (The Restaurant at The End of The Universe), probably in a week or two I'll start the third book Life, the Universe and Everything. And I really love it so far. There so many funny and straight up absurd moment in the story and I love the group of main characters in it. My heart goes out to the robot Marvin, idk if I will see you again in the following books, Marvin, but you're a big mood, I feel you.

As for my annual update on Webtoons I am reading! Right now I'm reading Everything Is Fine, Homesick, Never-Ending Darling, Omniscient Reader, My S-Class Hunter, ZOMGAN, There Are No Demons (the art style for this series is very uncanny valley but in a cool way, I love it), Nocturne, The Guy Upstairs, Lore Olympus and Zombie X Slasher (and interesting way to take the zombie genre and create a story, I must say, I don't think I've seen anyone do this before, I look forward to what the author can offer). And I recently finished Surivival Diary, Dark Moon: The Blood Altar, The Star Seekers, Crimson Heart and soon I'll be finishing Dark Moon: The Grey City Too.

And a webtoon I recently finished too was Survival Romance and I just gotta give a shoutout to it. That webtoon took me completely by surprise. It wasn't the cute art style that made it unique, there are many stories that look cute on the outside that hide something dark and sinister underneath (like Everything Is Fine, for example). I knew this webtoon is horror, so at first I expected maybe one of the characters would be a yandere or something like that and the MC would be trying to escape that. And yes, there is one side character that could be considered obsessive in a way in parts of the webtoon, but the story wasn't about that at all. The author just took the romance and horror genres and turned them on their heads. The whole story isn't all that much about romance at all, actually, it's about forming friendships and bonds with people and having the will to keep pushing forward despite all the struggles you might be going through. The plot twists were SO GOOD, even though some could have been quite easy to predict. I also loved that the author put some meta and breaking the forth wall moments (Doki Doki Literature Club style is the closest association I could think of for this webtoon, kind of) and by the end all the characters [REDACTED, NO SPOILERS, GO READ IT YOURSELF IF YOU'RE CURIOUS]. The message is also very nice, the closing words in the epilogue honestly hit quite close to home and made me bawl my eyes out. The story also has zombies in a quite a unique way in my opinion. So if like dark stories with twists and turns and a meaningful message, and if in any way I piqued you're interest, go and check it out. I'm sure you won't be left disappointed. I could honestly write way more about this webtoon, but I already wrote a lot, so I'm gonna stop here.

#misc; dash games #misc; ooc #//i always end up rambling when I get to the 'recent read' part of those dash games lmao

7 notes · View notes

infatuatedheloise · 7 months ago

Text

ok forgive me for my less active posting, finals are next week and dead week is absolutely killing me this semester 😭

anyway! I said I'd talk about this later and then never said anything lol so here I am

on my close friends insta story, I talked about past experiences with older men trying to go after me and mentioned a classmate I had last semester who was 48 and just generally kinda weird

I went to abelard's office the next day basically to say thank you for dealing with my anxiety the other day about my outfit and I said "I know I probably crossed a couple lines.." and he shook his head and said it was fine, then said "it was incredible...you say things that--you can be so quiet, but then you say things about things that might be weird and I don't think I could do that" which he's told me something similar before but it was interesting to hear it again

anyway, then he was like, "I'll ask something that is maybe inappropriate" (I was like😲😲😲 🤨🤨🤨 what is he gonna ask??) he lowered his voice and asked "who is this guy that-" (asking about the classmate I had mentioned)

I explained that he def didn't know him, and then I explained the whole story/my experiences with this guy (don't really wanna retell that here rn) and abelard was grimacing and cringing at all the stuff that this guy did. I finished talking and he said "at least it's good fodder for a story" and when I didn't really react he said "is that inappropriate to say?" I said no it was fine to joke about it lol

Since we were on the topic, I told him about my experiences with a coworker I once had and again abelard was totally disgusted by the stuff this guy did/said.

Then he said, "Well, I'm glad you never had any experiences with our colleague" I asked who he meant and when he told me I said "oh..hm, yeah" which obviously made him curious so I explained that this other professor had given me weird vibes, I caught him staring at my chest a lot, and he once said something to me about my face/appearance when I didn't wear a mask to class, so nothing serious but I just had a feeling. I said, "it's really good to know that [he has a history of being gross with students] though"

I also told him a joke that I like to make after these experiences with the coworker and classmate: "my ability to pull middle aged men is insane" and he laughed so hard at that like threw back his head laughing hahaha, then I told him the joke like "i thought 39 [coworker's age] was bad, god said try 48 [clasmate's age]" which he also thought was funny.

he said "But we're in the clear now?" I said "yeah, no middle aged men trying to go after me" then he said, "yeah, any 50 year olds-" and stopped himself to ask, "Is that ok to say?" because not only was he joking about me being harassed by older men, but also joking about the progressing age gaps LOL I thought it was so funny

Also I was a little embarrassed during this whole convo because 1. I have a crush on him 2. he is an older, middle aged man and here I was talking about older, middle aged men harassing me 😭😭😭 he thought it was fine though and didn't mind talking about it

#professor crush #teacher attachment #teacher crush

3 notes · View notes

poolpartymusic · 1 year ago

Text

been a while, forgot old e-mail

I think the last blog I made was 'dutchkidhuffingballons.tumblr.com', the name inspired by the Sam Fender song. I'm pretty sure I stopped writing when I got into my first relationship.

Turns out a relationship(or at leas this one) made me vent to an actual human and turn away from my diary-type blogs for once. Now, three years down the line, I'm still dating this beautiful man. I'm no longer in the honeymoon phase (although at times it does feel like I'm right back in it again), and for the past year/year and a half I've been trying to find my groove back.

It's different. Living and trying to do your own thing while simultaneously spending so much time with such a sweet man. It's easy to let time fly by and forget about my old hobbies. I don't draw as much anymore, I don't see as many friends any more. I also think that's just part of growing up, but I do want to find myself back still.

It's so much easier to journal through my computer than it is writing in my diary, which actually is quite a shame. I don't know why, but words come to me much easier like this.

Anyway, it's been a while. I forgot my e-mail to my old tumblr account. Decided I might as well make my tenth-thousandth blog.

I think I just want to journal about what changes I go through as a person, what thoughts I have and what struggles I must combat. Maybe this will be the last post I ever post on here. Who knows...

Today is the 17th of October 2023. I'm 23. I live in Utrecht, across from my boyfriend in the same apartment complex. Summer is officially over, it's pretty chilly out but today at least the sky is bright blue.

I'm in my third year at college, meaning I'm following a minor ICT at HU. Pro: It's only a 5 minute walk to school, and I only have in-person classes two days a week. I've learned quite some programming in Python and I think I'm pretty okay at it. Con: The business part of the minor is the main part, and I tend to find it a little less interesting. I don't feel very motivated for it.

I've realized that now, for maybe the first time ever, I don't really have a solid friend group anymore. Of course I have loose friends that I feel close to, but a month or two ago I stepped out of my High School friend group because it was no longer a fulfilling friendship for me. They never really reached out to me and I tried to see them whenever I was in my home town, but it was never that meaningful. I do miss it, but I do think it's good I put some distance between us.

My college friends from my film studies don't feel as close to me as they once did. Every time we hang out, they talk about their work and business related things. Interesting, but it does put some distance between us. I miss them, but most of them are always busy. I guess I feel like they don't really have time for me. And I don't blame them, because I haven't been the most active friend to them either.

I miss having a solid friend group...

Okay, well. I think that's good for now. If anyone other than myself ever comes across this blog (which I doubt): hello, welcome. Feel free to read my diary. I'll try to stay anonymous and I'll appreciate it if you'll let me. From experience I know that this isn't going to be that interesting to myself in a few years, let alone for someone who doesn't even know me. But hey, I hope you're okay.

2 notes · View notes

starwell-tarot · 2 years ago

Note

hello darling!!! 🐿️🐢

hope your gloomy day still went pretty well, tell me about it!

some advice i can concentrate better on - as a mentionned yesterday it is definitly true that i like challenge and i got motivated by the idea of trying to find a way to make concentrating in class smth stimulating for my brain ofc i still need to find ways to it right but its a really charming idea to me! i also need to focus at home and get work done there to be able to concentrate better in class so its a whole process that im ready to try out with the method your proposed to me

motivation - feeding my soul, how poetic wow it is true that im very lucky to study what im studying rn and its actually stuff that are useful in life and if i dont find it interesting then maybe it can still be informations that i can share with others right? there is an enormous amount of material in every law classes so i wont be able to memorize everything but your advice made me see things differently and i actually want to try to remember most of it on the LONG TERM and not only for exams! once again it is an advice that really speaks to me and that i will think about when studying

balance - i actually LOVE lists/ plannings/ etc like writing everything i want to do for the day and packing my schedule with many different stuff like seeing many friends, doing productive stuff for school, doing my hobbies it really helps me see how i spend my time and share out the different things i do (so i dont do the same thing over and over again) and i cant believe i FORGOT about it like i actually stopped doing it and i forgot i am so grateful for this advice

relationships - my friends often complain that i dont share intimate things with them like my daily problems and all but i actually just dont see what they could do about it? anyway i still struggle with these things i'll try to question myself more often to see whats the right thing to do for everyone when im in a bad spot like you adviced

avoid stress - im really not good at dealing with negative emotions lmaooo its also gonna be a challenging point i'll try to believe as much as i can that stress is not an end its just a signal just like you said once again thank you for your works i'll try my best

self care - its so beautiful! i live in the city so im not that much in contact with nature but its true that whenever i go help my grandmother in the countryside it feels refreshing i just need more time to do so! now that i know its smth that could help me i'll keep that in mind and prioritize doing in these situations! im a taurus after all! even tho earth is only my third dominant element im an earth sign lmao

words of encouragement - everyone seems to be wrong about everything its crazy ajkdhdbnzev i really should be more humble its a problem but anyway yes even tho i think some people are stupid deep down i'll still take their opinion into consideration just in case when in fact i shouldnt with your advice i'll try to accept that sometimes peoples advices just arent for me and maybe they'll help someone but its not my case! thanks

daydreaming - yes in my experience heavy daydreaming has been because STRESS, bored in my life and obligations i have that i dont want to do the problem is that it really put me in problematic positions everything comes down to stress at the end so if i understand how to deal with my stress i wont feel the need to escape like this :/ i'll definitily think about your advice and when i notice im starting to daydream heavily ill try to ask myself why and to resolve the issue

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR READING!!!!! everything really spoke to me and ill make sure to apply it well in my life from now on i'll think about your kind words and do my best!

Hello! My gloomy day was comfy 😁

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a lengthy feedback 🖤 it means a lot and it's very helpful.

I'm also glad to hear you're enjoying the perspectives and ideas the cards gave 🤔

I went on a whim with the challenge thing and then I was like ... Wait a sec .. didn't they say they have Aries placements? It just clicked at that point. I knew i was right on the money 😂

I was so taken aback by that high priestess card. Truth be told I too had the same mentality in high school! I studied just to know things. To grow wiser as an individual. (Went to a science college (it's a high school despite the name)) So I can kinda see it! Law is very very broad of a subject and there's a lot to study. But it's also so so useful in life! I actually had some law students save my ass when I had a very bad boss at a workplace once they helped me with the contract lol So yeah i definitely think you can become very wise as a law student!

Glad I can help you get back to your lists, too! And uhm, I don't think any human is ever GOOD at dealing with negative emotions. I mean, they're meant to make us uncomfortable ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But being gentle and understanding and honest with yourself does make it better!

And I mean yes I see your point. Maybe your friends will not be able to DO anything about your problems but here's the thing. Keeping things hidden creates more stress in the human mind. It's like an extra layer. It's not just "I'm frustrated and confused" It's "I'm frustrated, confused, and keeping it to myself." If you talk to someone, it gets easier 😁 Plus, talking about what goes on inside your mind can actually put you on the spot in such a way you unconsciously organize your thoughts and find the answers yourself. (Like those scenes in movies when a character goes to rant to another one and they literally spend the entire time talking to themselves, giving themselves advice and thanking the other person although they did absolutely nothing 😂)

Literally when I was doing your reading i had "Go touch some grass, bro." In my head 😂 But yes, as an earth sign you probably could feel so much more grounded and peaceful if you interact with nature. 😁

And just wanted to remind you I answered your ask about the double interpretation tarot reading and you can send it to me anytime!

#🐿️🐢 anon #answered #tarot

2 notes · View notes

halfdeadwallfly · 1 month ago

Note

Lemme know if there is a catholic matter too along with the mass its a query of mine that needs dire replenishing

Aw hi anon, thanks for querying :)) tbh I've just been kind of thinking abt it recently, I'm in a bible as literature class and we've been reading psalms recently which kind of just awakened the catholic vibe in me lol. I'm pretty solidly still an atheist, but I grew up super catholic (I went to a catholic school until high school and went to mass normally twice a week, did all the fasting and seasons and such, and all the sacraments) and anyway that's something that kind of just sticks with you in my experience. In both positive and negative ways, and neutral ways too, really. I feel the negative ways a lot, but I've been trying to come back around to religion with some more distance, and more appreciation of it outside of how it hurt me. Several of my friends are active in the catholic community at our school, and they do mass and a meal once every week on a weekday, and I just randomly decided to go this week. I haven't been to a regular mass in several years at this point, which is something I'm not even sure I can wrap my head around. but I've been finding this appreciation for the art of the church, the ritual and the motion of it, and I thought that maybe really choosing to go, and experiencing it with a class of my peers who all made that choice, would make for a different type of experience. I'll be honest, I almost cried during mass today. I haven't tasted church wine since before covid, but it made me feel like a kid again, picking the host from my molars and kneeling down after the eucharist. And the prayers themselves, the recitation, it comes back almost thoughtlessly. I found my mouth saying the words even as I was consciously worrying whether or not I would remember them. It was the music that had me tearing up in the end, singing the verses to taste and see almost on instinct. I don't sing like that anymore. I've always sung differently in church, soft and thin and voiceless, and hearing that sound come out of me today was shaking. I think it's interesting, how I'm reinvolving myself with catholicism now. I don't know if I can speak in depth to how pained I find myself at the discussion of christ himself, or salvation, of the gospel, but I'm happy reclaiming the ritual. I feel guilty, in a way, like it doesn't belong to me anymore, like I don't deserve the host like I did before, but I don't know. I don't think that's something I can really come to a conclusion on either. I feel as if in some ways, I've earned it; even if I don't believe I have a soul, whatever serves as one in my mind is soothed by the memory, and by the momentary letting go. I don't want to say I'm owed that, but I've certainly been denied it in the past, and it feels safe enough to claim what I still can.

#ask #so #sorry for all that anon #but i do really appreciate it #that mass had me feeling a whole muddle of ways #im still kind of reeling from it #personal

0 notes

sanscontent · 3 months ago

Text

Wednesday, August 14, 2024

3:14 PM

Well fuck, man. I was supposed to actually break the mould with a happy post. Maybe I'll save that for another time.

I sent a message. "I don't want to ambush you with something you aren't in the mood to/outright don't want to hear. Can we call or text sometime this week to talk?"

Was this the right move? Yes and no. Unfortunately, the timing makes it as such that classes are about to start up again. This means her friend, who now hates me and has a lot of social pull at the college, will be back. That could mean spreading word of what happened and destroying my reputation not just among friends, but among my coworkers as well. I felt a bit trapped, and felt I needed to do SOMETHING to try and nip it in the bud.

It was also a bad move. I sent it over Snapchat, meaning she has to purposely open it before she sees what it says. My goal was to message without pressure, but that puts pressure up anyways. It sorta defeats my purpose.

She also has a shitload of unread Snaps all the time, so I'll disappear easily in the fog of war. It's been almost two days, but she hasn't even opened the message yet. That doesn't bode well for me, and seems to indicate she doesn't want to ever talk to me again. The hope would be that she's just taking a day or two to think about it, but I find that unlikely.

The personal ramifications, like as far as my own self-image, are REALLY getting to me. I'm convinced at this point that I would've killed myself in an impulsive fit of shame by now if it weren't for having family and people who would be sad if I were gone.

I hurt someone I cared about, and I actually just can't fix it. That's something I have to carry around forever now. I think that, technically speaking, it's the greatest wrong/evil I've done with zero malice. I'm not sure what objectively worse things I've done before. Now whenever anyone mentions similar things I immediately categorize myself as having committed it before. I think it is kinda grey, and the reason it was described as they did was partly due to a misunderstanding regarding my knowledge of her state of lucidity, but it's still brutal regardless.

Like I took so much pride in being the one who exercised restraint. Having this on my shoulders feels like I should just cease existing. I feel like I just want to give up everything. The urge to self-sabotage myself is so unbelievably strong right now, lol. I want to ruin myself, but like the suicidal ideation/urges I'm sure it's probably just a product of self-reproach and an impotent desire to fix things. It's like I want to die as atonement—to prove how sorry and regretful I am. It's delusional.

I haven't been at this kind of mental/emotional low in a really long time. It's a little interesting to feel/experience it again, but also fuckin' sucks lol

Maybe I'll try to make this consistently/often updated for the first time. Who knows. The further I elaborate the worse it looks to anyone I want to share this diary with, lol.

0 notes

blossom-hwa · 5 months ago

Text

I don't know if I'm gonna have enough tags to express all my thoughts about this, so I'm gonna start it here. good god fuck shawna. have I ever told you how much I admire your writing style? how much I wish (jokingly) that I could snatch it and steal it for my own? if not, I'm telling you now.

I've never seen the movie past lives, I don't even know what it's about, but after reading this I really want to???? idk if I'll finish it because I am /horrific/ at watching media these days, but for you and for this story I'll fucking try. you capture complex emotions so well?? and you are so, SO fucking good at showing instead of telling--I always have trouble with writing indescribable feelings because they're fucking indescribable obviously, but you seem to do it so effortlessly. through the setting, through the thoughts running through people's heads, through the tiny things the characters notice that put everything together--it creates a beautiful picture. I've never had much interest in analyzing art, but if this story were a work of art in my art history class, there would be so much to notice, so much to analyze, and I would enjoy every single minute of it.

I don't know. this whole story feels golden to me--literally golden, as in the whole thing seems to be painted in this sort of warm, sunset-esque hue. maybe that's the impending knowledge that whatever there is with jeonghan, it will end soon, because I as the reader and mc as the main character know that the end is Joshua, not jeonghan. maybe it's the sunset on mc's ambiguous relationship with jeonghan--they don't know what past lives they share, they don't know what futures they'll share, but in this life this is it. this is what it is. and idk it feels like the curtain call onstage after an incredible performance. wanting to see it again, but knowing it will never be the same even if you try.

ugh. something I admire about this story SO MUCH is your use of setting. I've lived in nyc for just three years so unfortunately my experience with it is somewhat limited, but everything you describe I felt like I was seeing. so fucking vividly. and you wrote it with such...nostalgia?? I don't know how to explain it. but it goes back to what I was saying about the showing vs telling, or using the setting to describe indescribable things. the way mc sees the world is how we get a sense of their feelings. with every little detail mc remarks on, every small thing they see...it just made the story that much more vivid. I always struggle with setting and I am SOOO jealous that you do it so well. like Jesus FUCK shawna. save some talent for the rest of us why won't you??????????

anyway. god. I'm so glad I read this. I've been in a jeonghan/wonwoo mood for a couple days (bc their new song) and decided to check this out bc I've been meaning to for a while, and just. zero fucking regrets. this was a masterpiece. I have no idea if my word vomit just now even makes sense, but I hope I at least conveyed that this story spoke to me in more than words, and I am really REALLY so glad you shared it with us <3

UPDATE OI SHIT I ENTIRELY FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE EYES????? THE EMPHASIS ON EYES WHENEVER JOSHUA IS THERE??????? BECAUSE THE EYES ARE THE ONLY VISIBLE PART OF THE NERVOUS SYSTEM AND EVERYTHING HE WROTE IN THAT ESSAY LIKE?????? GOOD FUCKING GOD. THE BRAINROT. I??????? DIED???????????????? EYES AS THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL L I T E R A L L Y AND JOSHUA KISSING MC'S EYE AT THE END JESUS FUCK THE AMOUNT OF BRIANROT THAT'S GOING TO GIVE ME FOR THE NEXT YEAR IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE

(sorry I just can't believe I forgot to mention that detail. I have many feelings about it in case you hadn't noticed)

8000 layers of inyun

jeonghan x reader, joshua x reader - inspired by the movie past lives - wc: 6k - warnings: mentions of alcohol, like one curse i think - a/n: reader should be completely inclusive, i.e. not adhering to the background of the main character in the movie.

[first hello]

when you met joshua for the first time, it was in the grassy backyard of a house in long island one mile away from the beach. at a rickety, white table with spots of black showing up beneath the layers of paint. it was three glasses of red wine in, two hours after you had laid eyes on him, and one hour after everyone else had headed inside for sleep.

when you met joshua for the first time, you had told him about inyun. how even brushing by someone’s shoulder on the street or locking eyes with a stranger on the metro meant there was something there between the two of you in a past life. he looked amazed at the notion. you thought he looked quite pretty. “that would mean we had something together in a past life, wouldn’t it?” he had asked. and even then, you could tell–he’s such a writer. there was a story already rising from the dark corners of his mind. you had just nodded. and told him about all the layers between two lovers, and about the 8000 it takes to take one’s hand and whole-heartedly decide you want to marry them.

you don’t really remember joshua’s cheeks turning pink at the line. what you do remember is the sky changing colors. you remember how golden he looked under the string lights. you remember leaning into his face, almost falling forward, bracing yourself with a hand on his knee.

you remember kissing him for the first time.

*****

[jeonghans coming]

joshua is already cooking dinner by the time you come home. you stop in front of the gray door, noticing for the first time in a while the scratch in the top corner from the massive yellow armchair you stuffed through the door even when it refused to fit through. you smile at the scratch, stretch your arm out to finger over the light brown mark. how long ago was that now? was that before or after you got married? you inhale. the air smells like wet concrete and basil. joshua forgot to turn on the exhaust fan, didn’t he?

you don’t remind him to do so once you finally find your keys. instead you slip off your old, faded sneakers, drop your keys on the counter in the lime green dish you made in a pottery class two years ago, and greet him in the kitchen, kissing the side of his chin and reaching over his head to turn the exhaust fan on. he kisses your forehead as an apology, or at least he tries but you’ve already moved and his lips end up catching on the corner of your left eye. you wash the day and the grime off you, washing away the train and the throbbing in your feet. you meet him again for dinner, at the table you call your dining table and your home office. he brings over two plates of the pasta. you bring the wine.

“you know jeonghan.” it doesn’t hit you then that that’s the first thing you’ve said to him since you left that morning.

joshua squints. his eyes, his eyes, his eyes. they were the first thing you noticed about him. the first thing you fell in love with. “yeah. your childhood sweetheart.” this he says with a teasing smile. you smile back. his smile was the second thing you fell in love with.

“he, uh, emailed me earlier today.” you shift in your stool. “he moved out of his parents’ house, i think, and is between jobs. he said he’s going to be visiting new york soon.”

there’s a stillness in the air, then. a shock beneath the table that’s curling around your calves and inching up your arms.

joshua, though, despite how well you know him, despite your knack to see through every emotion he feigns, still tries to nod it off. “oh. when is he coming?”

“in two weeks. “

“that’s soon.”

“i know.”

“are you going to see him?” there’s no mask of emotion here. everything in joshua’s mind and heart you can read in his eyes, except that reading doesn’t mean understanding and five years of marriage doesn’t mean you know someone’s every thought. you don’t know what to say. you don’t know what he wants. you don’t even know what you want. all you know is jeonghan’s email. you spent two hours staring at it this afternoon. jeonghan, as you knew him, was a straightforward guy. he explicitly said in the email what he wants: to spend a day or two with you while he’s here, as much time as you can spare, show him the city you moved to when you turned 21. show him the country you moved to when you were 13. but beneath the straightforward request feels like a million subliminal ones. like he wants you to prove to him that you’ve made a life worth living here. like he wants to gallivant around new york telling you about a country that used to be home and asking you what would have happened if you didn’t go all those years ago.

but jeonghan isn’t like you and joshua, he doesn’t make reading into subtext and writing a 100 pages about it his job. so you tell joshua what you decided on the train ride back.

“yeah, i think i will.” and with the way your stomach twists, it feels like a confession.

*****

[first goodbye]

your first goodbye with jeonghan is when you’re young. it happens on the last day of school for you before your family’s big move to the states. even though you only found out a couple weeks ago, you knew this move was a long time coming. maybe that’s why you didn’t say anything when your parents told you it was happening. maybe that’s why you just went to your room and started packing.

jeonghan’s been in the same class as you your whole life. his whole life too. and for your entire lives you’ve been making the same walk back home from school together. today is no different. and yet, isn’t it? it’s the same roads, yes, the same stairs and the same shops on the way. but the air is different, it smells like home. it smells like you already miss it. and you haven’t even left yet.

the walk is almost entirely silent.

the roads diverge towards the end, into a smaller path that leads to your home and the main road that jeonghan takes to get to his. you take one step into the path and stop. jeonghan stops too. he stares. you stare back.

(you don’t realize it then, but it’s the last time you’ll see him in person for almost 20 years. one of the last times you’ll even speak to him in around 7. it’s the last time you’ll ever stand on this street, and one of the last times you’ll breathe this air. most importantly, it’s the last time you’ll ever be this young.)

your first goodbye with jeonghan isn’t much of a goodbye. it’s him asking when you leave. it’s you saying sometime tomorrow. it’s him frowning, patting your shoulder, and saying, “be well, and don’t cry over maths anymore.”

*****

[second hello]

you round the corner by the candy shop and walk inwards to the park. you used to live around here. but god, where haven’t you lived? you used to come into this park and watch people. the man towards the south entrance that always sat on the middle bench. the tourists walking up and down and around looking amazed and bored and helpless. tompkins square park used to be your favorite park in new york, but walking into it now, you can’t really remember why you liked it so much. you wonder why he chose this park specifically to meet in. did you mention it once on a skype call? does he think you still like it? or has he figured that you’ve already fallen out of love?

you see the back of his head before you see him. and for a moment you get an instantaneous rush of every feeling there is to feel from seeing him again, here, in a park you thought you loved. but it’s not the park and it’s not the city that makes your entire body go numb. it’s seeing him. jeonghan. jeonghan. jeonghan. it’s seeing him for the first time in–you don’t even want to admit to yourself how long.

but the instantaneous rush ends, and your body and blood come back to earth and back to this park you hate, when he turns around and faces you facing him.

and there are no words to be said.

there used to be oceans and countries and cultures and decades standing between you and him, but somehow now, all of that has compressed into four squares of broken concrete. you were never very good at maths. jeonghan, the one who comforted you whenever you cried over it, knows that best. but even you know that there is no way 20 years can turn into 20 feet. so much has changed. more than could possibly be encompassed in any greeting. it’s indescribable and overwhelming. it’s you and him and the whole world. there are no words to be said.

so you hug him instead.

*****

[ferry]

it takes almost a full hour for the pure shock of seeing each other again to wear off. there’s so much joy and excitement between the two of you that for a couple minutes all you do is say ‘wow’, throwing the word back and forth like two kids playing catch.

the first thing on your itinerary was already decided by jeonghan over email: seeing the statue of liberty. so, you and him board the ferry together, asking how his family’s doing and telling him about yours.

“your husband,” jeonghan starts, turning slightly towards you in his seat on the ferry.

“joshua.”

he nods, mouthing his name silently. “how did you guys meet?”

“we met at this writer's retreat thing. we were kind of… i don’t know–together–i guess, while we were there, and funnily enough, it was only on our second to last day there that we realized we both live in new york. and then, it was only when we got back that we started dating.”

jeonghan’s lips make a small ‘o’. “he’s a writer too?”

you nod. then smile.

“is he good?” this he asks with a hint of mischief.

you scoff. “you think i’d marry someone who isn’t any good?”

he just shrugs and smirks. an action you’ve seen him do a million times before. when you were a kid, it pissed you off. when you were 21, it made your heart flutter. now, it makes you feel like a stranger. it reminds you that all he is is somebody you used to know.

“what?” he laughs, covering his mouth embarrassedly. you didn’t even realize you were staring.

“you’ve just been a kid in my head for so long.” you shake your head, a smile haunting your lips. “it’s so weird seeing you all grown up.”

he hums. “i feel that too.”

“are you and-” you leave the space blank there. social media had told you a lot, but you don’t remember it ever telling you a name, “still together.”

he grimaces. you wish you didn’t ask. “no. we broke up some time ago.”

jeonghan doesn’t say anything more about it, but honestly, it’d be more shocking if he did. even as a kid, he took things at face value, not going any deeper into contexts and double meanings. he isn’t too shy to ask what you mean, nor is he too shy to say it. that’s just who he is.

“do you have pictures from your wedding?” jeonghan asks, pulling you out of your thoughts. you fetch your phone out of your pocket and show him your favorite picture from the event. you and joshua didn’t really have much money at the time of your wedding. it was a small, courthouse wedding with a dinner afterwards with just your families. the picture comes from when you were walking out of the courthouse together. with the small bouquet, joshua had purchased that morning, and the simple white dress you had thrifted a couple weeks prior. you were so happy, walking out of that building hand in hand. you were so hopeful.

“you look very nice.” jeonghan tells you quietly, staring at the photo. you mutter a ‘thanks’. he then surprises you, bringing a hand up to the picture and wordlessly zooming in on your face. his gaze bounces between you and your picture. finally, looking up, he says, “you look so young.”

*****

the ferry stops for a bit near the statue, everyone rushes towards the corner nearest to the monument to take a photo. you offer to take his. he accepts, awkwardly smiling at first, fidgeting with the strap of his backpack, but then eventually, lightening up, posing cutely and requesting different angles.

while the ferry heads back to manhattan, he carefully examines all the photos you took. it reminds you of when he told you about his photographer friend in college who took photos of him for fun.

“why didn’t you want to keep talking then?” you ask abruptly.

somehow, he knows exactly what you’re talking about. your second goodbye with him. the four minute skype call.

he looks taken aback. he doesn’t look at you. “it didn’t really feel like you were giving me much of a choice.”

it’s not what you wanted to hear, but you don’t really think there’s anything he could’ve said to mend a ten year old wound born from a petty 21 year old desperate to love and be loved.

“i held that over you for a long time. i was a bit mad.”

he responds immediately. “you said goodbye so quickly. i was a bit mad too.”

you frown. “should i be sorry?”

he half laughs at that, shrugging and finally looking at you. “we were kids.”

and of course, that was all that really needed to be said.

*****

[second goodbye]

your second goodbye with jeonghan happened when you just moved to new york. it was a short period of time marked by running between 10th and 14th to catch your train and eating too many meals at the ukrainian place in the basement of 7th.

the two of you had found each other again online. a friend request turned to messaging turned to skype calls every evening and sometimes even in the morning. and somehow, someway, despite the years between your last words with him, the two of you were able to pick up right where you left off. he told you about home and about all the classmates you hadn’t thought about since you left. you told him about america, about your new life, and about new york. but mainly you talked about how weird it was to see and talk to him again and about how alone you felt here.

the goodbye comes when your laptop crashes and it takes a week before you’re able to talk to him again. it comes after you spend the week devastated, crying in the middle of the street over a dropped bacon egg and cheese. it comes when your laptop is finally fixed, when you call him again, and when he doesn’t even seem worried.

“do you plan on coming to new york?” it's the first thing you say when he answers the call, two days after your laptop was fixed.

he looks like he just woke up, hair crumpled and bent in places it shouldn’t be. between a yawn he says, “what?”

“i can’t leave new york right now. so if you don’t plan on coming here, there’s no point of this anymore.”

he doesn’t say anything for a moment, looking off to the side of his camera. you stare into it. you had been practicing this conversation all day. you knew what you were going to say. and in your heart, you knew what he was going to say too.

all he ends up doing is smiling awkwardly and patting down the back of his head. “do you want me to visit?”

no, you think with a sigh, you just want more.

“i think we should end this. i need to focus on becoming a writer, and you-“

you falter here. he what?

he nods. you nod too, just as an excuse.

“okay.”

and the call ends in 4 minutes.

*****

[first confession]

the bar you’ve chosen to take him to tonight, is a small, irish pub on the corner of a street you spent half your 20s in. you feel so much older than you are, when you get off the subway, point to an old red brick building, and tell jeonghan that you used to go to school here.

his gaze lingers at that building. you try not to notice, but you do.

“remember inyun?” he says after you get your drinks. his martini, your beer.

you laugh at him. “it’s actually how i got joshua.” a memory flashes in front of you: the golden glow of the string lights and joshua’s lips on yours for the first time. you can’t tell if it's the beer or the memory that makes your entire body flush with warmth.

“that game we used to play as kids,” jeonghan says, excited, “we should do that here.”

you smile. how many days did you and jeonghan spend sitting next to each other on the train and making up a past life for every two passengers?

“okay.” you point to the two girls sitting at the bar, one of them on their phone, the other resting her head atop the counter. “what about them?”

jeonghan turns to face them. “classmates.”

you make a noise of disapprovement. “sisters.”

he mimics the noise. “no way.”

“look.” you say, gesturing to the way the girl that was on her phone places her free hand on top of the other’s head. “it’s just so…” here you lose the words for it. the girl on her phone bends down and places the smallest kiss on her friend’s head.

“familiar.” jeonghan finishes. and when your gaze falls back to him, you find that he’s already looking at you. the game somehow feels different than it did when you were kids.

jeonghan inhales sharply and nods his head towards a boy and a girl playing billiards in the corner. “what about them?”

you take a moment to observe them. these two seem less familiar with each other. there’s a lot of extra laughing, a lot of awkward pauses between turns. “coworkers.” you finally say.

“strangers.” jeonghan counters. “like she took his order at a food place that he left a bad review for.”

you give him a look. he shrugs.

the game continues. you do the two bartenders which you both agree must have been lovers. you do the group of boys, in business casual sitting two tables over. jeonghan says they were all dogs in the same shelter. you say they were in a band together.

the game continues until the only two people in the pub who you haven’t made up a past life for are you and jeonghan.

jeonghan gives you a half smile. “what do you think we were in a past life?”

this was always how you and him ended the game. you wonder how many past lives the two of you have created for each other by now.

you think for a moment, eyes flicking between the bartenders who were lovers and the friends who were once family. “two people squished next to each other on the train.”

jeonghan laughs at that one, knocking his head back and accidentally kicking your leg under the table. he shakes his head. “a bird and the branch it sits on.”

“a keychain and the ring it’s attached to.”

“a celebrity and their bodyguard.”

“enemies.”

“friends.”

something snags on your throat at that.

you laugh, not meaning for it to sound as forced as it does. “but we’re that now.”

a silent question hangs in the air: are we?

“why’d you come to new york?” you ask him. you already said your goodbye to him. years ago, on a skype call that felt akin to a breakup. seeing him and facing him again was not something you had expected to ever have to do. and the thing is, it’s not just facing him. it’s facing your past, and it’s facing all the different ways he’s known you.

jeonghan doesn’t seem surprised that you asked, but his eyes do this…thing as he looks up from the glass. this fearless, shameless thing that makes you feel things you wish you didn’t feel. “i came to see you.”

you don’t take your eyes off his. what is it they say about eyes again? windows to the soul?

“but you and joshua.”

you flinch.

“you guys have those layers of inyun.”

“all 8000,” you whisper back to him, like the world might burst if you spoke any louder.

he nods solemnly, hopefully. “maybe you guys have even more.”

he looks at the bar. the warm light paints him in colors you’ve never seen him in before. he’s so much older than you remember. he’s so much more real than your last skype call.

(your memory of this moment fails you. you can’t remember which one of you it was that asked)

“how many layers do we have?”

a number hangs off the tip of your tongue. but the world will burst if you say it outloud. so you don’t. for the world, for yourself, for joshua.

*****

[you were right]

“you were right,” you tell joshua when you come home that night.

“about what?” he meets you in the kitchen, exhaust fan whirring in the background.

“he came to see me.”

and even just the admission of it, of the entire day you spent with jeonghan, has you exhausted.

you hug joshua. he sets the book that was in his hand down on the counter and lets you. he feels so warm next to your heart. he feels so at home. and you, in your apartment, in his arms, feel split in two.

carefully, you ask him: “are you mad at me?”

“of course not.”

“do you want me to cancel tomorrow?”

“you haven’t seen him in forever. you should go.”

you exhale into his shoulder.

“i mean, it’s not like you’re going to run away with him or anything, right?” he jokes.

“please,” you scoff, “you know me.”

“i know you.” he laughs, and you feel it throughout your entire body.

“i know you.” he repeats.

you hug him tighter.

“you’re it for me.” joshua tells you quietly. “you make my life so much bigger.”

you can’t tell if it’s the confession or the exhaustion or both that brings you close to tears. “what if something happens?”

he doesn’t ask what you mean; he just repeats himself. “it’s only you.”

*****

[not touching but almost]

you meet jeonghan the next morning at the hoyt-schermorhorn street station. he asks how you slept. you say well.

you stand in front of the sliding doors, holding onto the pole. he follows suit, his hand right under yours. staring at his face, you search for which features of his have stayed the same and which have changed.

“your eyes.” you say at the same moment the train screeches. he leans forward, mostly to hear you better but also to stay upright as the train sways. his fingers inch towards yours. “your eyes are still the same.”

he looks embarrassed for a moment. then smiles. you do too.

the train stops. the signs outside read: ‘fulton st’.

you look back at him. “i can’t stop smiling.” fuck the train, you’ll repeat it until he hears what you have to say.

he doesn’t ask you to repeat yourself this time. he just laughs. “why?”

you shrug, smiling again, and feeling entirely, wholly like a kid. “just ‘cause.”

his fingers inch towards yours again. you don’t even think he means for it to. you look down at your hands. close but not touching. not touching but almost.

the train stops again. ‘chambers st,’ it reads this time. you both get off.

*****

[a whole part of you i’ll never know]

there’s this memory that bounces around your head from time to time. it was before you and joshua had gotten married, in your old apartment, the one in hell’s kitchen above the thai place with the light up dragon that played pop music late into the night.

so with an old miley cyrus song floating up through the air and in through the open window, joshua tells you that there’s a whole part of you he’ll never know.

you don’t deny it at first. you turn in bed to face him, cup his cheek in your hand and flinch at the stubble growing in. you kiss him and tell him, “you know me better than anyone.”

“but i-” he hesitates here, mouth opening and closing like he can’t decide what kind of conversation he wants this to be. “it’s like there’s this whole portion of your brain that will always be out of reach. like i can see it there in the distance, but i can’t get to it.”

“just ask. i’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“it’s not that.”

“what is it then?”

“he knows that part.”

the song goes quiet. you can hear a drunk person vomiting. you can hear your heart beating. breathlessly, you say, “jeonghan?”

and joshua, joshua, joshua. he looks like he regrets it. “you, just, you always talk about how you reinvented yourself when you moved to new york and how different you used to be. but what if that wasn’t the first time?”

you shake your head. “i’m not a kid anymore.”

“i know.” and against all odds, joshua smiles. “sometimes, i just wish i knew you when you were.”

*****

[second confession]

the day, in all honesty, is some of the most fun you’ve had in a long while. you and jeonghan get dumplings and rice noodles in chinatown and eat them in columbus park while watching people play ping pong. he wants to go shopping in soho and so you take him to your favorite spots. you wait with him in line at the famous bakery on lafayette only for him to hate the pastry he got. and in the evening, you and jeonghan meet up with joshua to get dinner near your apartment.

“so how do you like new york,” joshua asks while walking to the restaurant.

jeonghan nods slowly. “not bad.”

your husband’s eyes widen. he was born and raised in new york. it’s the only place he’s ever known. “not bad?”

jeonghan shrugs. “it’s a little smelly.”

joshua just chuckles at that. “you get used to it. what have you seen so far?”

“yesterday i saw the rockefeller center, times square, and central park. and then,” jeonghan looks at you, “we met in tompkins square park, and we took the ferry to see the statue of liberty.”

“you know i’ve never actually been to the statue of liberty.” joshua confesses, lightheartedly.

“really?” jeonghan asks dumbfounded.

“really?” you mutter to the ground.

joshua shoves his hands in his pockets and nods.

jeonghan looks at you, disappointed, and jokingly says, “what are you doing? you should take your husband to see it.”

jeonghan doesn’t really wait for a response, but you still give him a half-hearted laugh before putting a hand on joshua’s elbow, and quietly, almost shamefully asking, “have we really not gone?”

the conversation has moved on without you it seems. while laughing at something else jeonghan’s said, joshua shakes his head ‘no’.

the rest of the dinner goes well. the food is good, and the conversation flows. joshua heads back home once it’s over to get work done, and you and jeonghan go to your favorite bar in the area, a posh sort of place with dim lighting and fancy cocktails. the two of you grab seats at the bar.

“what’d you think of joshua?”

jeonghan looks happy, a smile gracing his face for a moment. he tilts his head, and you almost miss the way his smile turns down. “i didn’t think liking your husband would hurt this much.” (almost). “i can tell he really loves you.”

“i love him too.” you say, just to fill the space. but what you really want is to beg him to take it back. beg him to say something else. anything else. say he hated him instead.

“yesterday, you asked me why i didn’t try to keep talking back then.” jeonghan continues. “the truth i learned here is that it wouldn’t have mattered how hard i tried even if i did. you were always going to leave because you’re you. and i liked you because you’re you. and who you are is someone who leaves.”

you start to refute, but stop yourself because… he’s right. the last two times you parted ways with him, it was because of you. you started the goodbye. you were the one who left.

“but for joshua,” jeonghan says, eyes scanning across the bar, staring at every bartender and every customer before finally, finally, landing on you, “you’re someone who stays.”

and it turns you inside out.

“i’m sorry if i hurt you in the past, jeonghan.”

jeonghan doesn’t falter. he never has. “i’m not.”

*****

[last confession, last goodbye, last hello]

you walk jeonghan to the uber from your apartment. the address has always been a little finicky; the uber will only stop two blocks down. the long ones. not that that matters much. nonetheless, you and jeonghan walk it slowly, pausing for a couple seconds each time the wheels of his suitcase get caught on a cellar door.

“thank you for emailing me.” you tell him, lifting your chin up slightly. “i’m really glad that you did and we got to do this.

he nods. “i’m glad i did too, but i was actually a little unsure about it.”

this surprises you. the sentiment yes, but also the way he says it. tucking his hair behind his ear, and squinting his eyes at a stop light, refusing to meet yours. jeonghan is the surest person you’ve ever known.

something catches in the back of your throat. something foul and hopeful. something that makes you feel young. “why?’

he shrugs, looks up at the second deli you’ve passed and mouths the name of it. like he’s practicing it, memorizing the name, the location, the guy sitting out front, and the cat that always lingers in the back. why does he care so much about the little things?

“i didn’t know if you’d want to see me again.” he finally says. “the last time we spoke was so long ago. i wasn’t sure if you had left me in the past for good.”

you hit the end of the second block where the uber will be picking him up soon, right under the ice pop shop that you always walk a little slower by on the hottest summer afternoons. across the block the walking signal is red–a memory comes back to you: your first summer in this new apartment, your first month being married too. you standing on this side of the block and joshua standing at the other. waiting for the cars to pass, waiting to greet each other in the middle of the road. you can feel that day in the bottom of your stomach. you remember exactly what joshua's hand felt like in yours.

“i think i did.” you tell him. “but i don’t regret doing this with you. it was like meeting you again, and meeting the version of myself that last saw you too.”

you turn away from the signal and look at him. he looks sad almost. “sometimes i still think of you as that kid i used to walk home from school with.”

you remember what you used to tell joshua: how you reinvented yourself when you moved to new york. you remember what he used to say back: what if that wasn’t the first time. and so, you reach into your past and try to remember who you used to be before you moved to america.

“i haven’t been that kid for a long time now,” you frown, watching jeonghan’s pupils dart back and forth between yours, “but they still existed. they were still real.”

the uber pulls up. jeonghan puts his suitcase in the trunk and opens the door to step inside. and with one foot in the car to the airport and one foot planted on the street you call home, he says, “what if this is just another past life and we’re already something else in another?”

the only thing you can manage to give him in response is a nod. you don’t like to think about what if.

he smiles. and you feel something break apart in your heart.

“i’ll see you then.”

in another life, jeonghan is more than just a series of goodbyes. but in this one, he gets in the uber, and you don’t imagine seeing him again. you don’t think you will. because for the first time in this life, you're not the one that left–he was.

you make it halfway back down the two blocks back to your apartment when you see joshua. it just so happens to be in front of the deli jeonghan had committed to memory silently beside you. you inhale deeply; it feels like the first breath you’ve taken since jeonghan landed in new york. joshua is 8 stoops away from you.

at 5 you think about when you met, the writers retreat in long island, the most beautiful serene place you swear you’ve ever been and the stupid pick up line you said about inyun.

at 4, you think about his eyes, his eyes, his eyes, and the line he wrote about them in an essay that was published 3 years ago saying that they're the only part of the nervous system that's exposed, a direct line to someone's head and heart. was he right? did you look into jeonghan’s mind tonight? have you been staring at joshua's heart?

at 3, you think about all this talk about past lives. and you think what if it’s not about your past lives with jeonghan or with joshua? what if it’s about all the past lives within you?

at 2, you think about the kid you left in a country that doesn’t feel like yours anymore.

and at 1, you think about jeonghan.

he stops right in front of you. staring at you staring at him. your whole world feels bigger than it ever has before, and your heart, in response, splits in half to fit him inside. you feel that something in your throat rise and boil.

“i’m sorry,” you finally say, before falling into his arms. the sob that’s been waiting in the bottom of your soul for the past 20 years comes bursting out of your throat. you cry into your husband's shoulder. you feel the weight of all your past lives and all your future ones like they aren't in the past or in the future, like they're now beside you begging you to imagine what could’ve been and what was.

joshua holds the back of your head. he doesn’t say anything. he doesn’t need to. it’s all been said before. instead he kisses the corner of your eye and takes you home. ****************************

a/n: absolutely adored this film and it simply has not left my mind since i watched it over a month ago. and so, i did what i do best and wrote a fic based on it lol. i hope i scraped even half of the complexity the movie has. if you've seen the movie, i'd love to hear your thoughts about it or your thoughts on this piece. as well as if you haven't seen the movie! but if you haven't seen the movie, i highly recommend you give it a watch. it's such a quiet, gentle film that will crawl into your heart and claim it as home.

#lina's recs #shawna 🦋#seventeen #jeonghan #joshua #everyone you better fucking READ THIS #YOU BETTER

165 notes · View notes

thedaredevilsgirl · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter Two - Vibrating

Warning: Smut (vibrator use, fingering and dirty talk)

Word count: 1,817

I'm starting to think I'm terrible at writing smut, but I swear I'm trying to improve. I hope you like it

You and Tom have always been close, everyone knew that, but after the events of the last week it seemed that you were even closer. He was always waiting for you so you could go to campus together, walking you to your class and taking you to the library before you went back to the fraternity.

"Megan said she is waiting for me in front of the library and can take me home later, so you don't have to wait for me today." You say to Tom as they walked to the library.

"Are you sure honey?"

"Yeah, see you later" you turn to look at him.

"Can I come to your room tonight?" He asks with a mischievous smile on his face.

Every time he smiled like that it made you nervous, you nod your head positively and he steps closer tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear before bending down a little to be your size and whispering.

"I can't wait to touch you again angel," you feel your whole body shiver at those words.

Tom leaves a kiss on your forehead and goes in the opposite direction from you.

When you turn to enter the library you see Megan with her arms crossed in front of her body looking at you suspiciously, you approach her and she pulls you inside the library quickly making you sit on one of the tables and sitting in front of you.

"You're going to tell me everything that's going on right now," she commands.

"What are you talking about Megan? Nothing is going on" you try to cover it up.

"Y/N I'm not an idiot, why are you and Tom suddenly so close?"

"We've always been close" you answer as if it's obvious.

"Yes, because he is your brother's best friend, but now you are acting like a couple, like you are fucking...OH MY GOD YOU ARE FUCKING" some people who were inside look at the two of you angrily.

"Keep your voice down please, and no, we are not fucking...not yet at least."

"Oh my god, what do you mean not yet?" She asks agitated.

"I asked him to teach me how to fuck" you say softly and embarrassed "he said yes and maybe he gave me a oral earlier in the week" you admit all at once.

She puts her hands over her mouth to avoid screaming again, and you can see the excitement in her eyes.

"Finally you're doing something about your feelings," she says with a smile.

"I don't have feelings for him" "A seriously" she rolls her eyes" You have liked him since first grade and he likes you too, you just never did anything because your idiot brother would kill him"

"That's not true" he tries to defend himself and she just looks at him with disdain.

"You can literally feel the sexual tension between the two of you."

"Anyway, it's just sex Megan, nothing else is going to happen, I just need the experience." You say. She suddenly gets up from the table again drawing glances at both of you.

"Get up" she says quickly grabbing her things.

"What? Why? I thought we were going to study".

"No, we're going shopping".

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

When your friend Megan said you were going shopping, you thought she was talking about going to some clothing store, but that's not what happened.

"Why are we here?" You ask Megan as soon as she has you enter a sex shop getting a blush as you look at the things there.

"I just thought since you started your sex life you might want a few things" She says laughing.

"If I had known you were going to act this way I wouldn't have told you" you roll your eyes "can we please leave".

"No, come on Y/N, have some fun, I know this isn't really your thing, but I guarantee that once you try it you will like it, you just need to give it a chance" she speaks while looking for something specific in the store.

"Try what exactly?" "

Here" she takes something from one of the shelves before turning to you again "try this on" she puts the box in your hand.

"No, no way" you turn red as you hold the small box of bal vibrator in your hand.

"Y/N, think along with me, you tonight, going into Tom's room and saying you want him to use this on you" she points to the vibrator.

You can picture exactly the scene perfectly and it sounds wonderful.

"I'm sure you'll kill him with a hard-on just by suggesting it, and you'll still have a wonderful orgasm, so...will you try it?" She ask.

"Ok, fine" you give in.

"Great" she smiles "don't worry, I'll pay, thank me after Holland makes you cum".

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

You ran to your room as soon as you arrived at the fraternity, only to take the vibrator out of the box and clean it, You also changed your lingerie for one that you had just bought. You wanted to impress Tom a little tonight.

As soon as you get dressed again and hide the small vibrator in the pocket of your sweatshirt you finally make your way to Tom's room.

"May I come in?" You ask knocking on Tom's bedroom door.

"Hey" he says as he opens the door and gives you room to enter "I was just on my way to your room, I thought you'd be here early" he locks the door.

"Megan and I decided to do some shopping" you say smiling and sit down at the study table.

"Did you buy anything interesting?" You ask curious.

"Yeah, I mean we went to some cool stores, forever 21, Gap, Victoria Secrets and Megan took me to a sex shop" you say as if it wasn't something interesting and Tom looks at you surprised.

"Megan took you where? He asks, maybe he had heard you wrong.

"To a sex shop," you shrug.

"Why?" he asks walking over to you and standing between your legs.

"I wanted to see something" you say a little nervously taking the small vibrator from your pocket "actually I wanted to try something"

"What?" Just imagining you going to a sex shop made Tom horny.

"I want you to use this on me" she puts the dildo in his hand.

He sighs as he looks at the vibrator and soon after he is kissing you desperately, his hands grip your waist tightly pulling you closer to his body.

Your shirt is the first to be removed and he stops for a moment just to look at your body, trapping his lower lip between his lips when he sees the red lingerie on your body.

"Do you like it?" He asks running his fingers gently over the strap of the bra "I bought it with you in mind."

"I think it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." He helps you remove your skirt without you having to get off the table.

"Can you take your shirt off too, please?" He smiles and removing his shirt, his hand touches your abdomen the direction before pulling you in for another kiss.

His fingers touch the inside of her thigh trailing towards her intimacy, both fingers touch the delivery catching the wetness and he brings them to his mouth closing his eyes as he feels her taste again on his tongue. His breathing fails, you never thought you would see anything hotter than this.

"Are you sure you want to try this baby?" He asks to make sure it felt comfortable.

"Yes, please."

He finally takes the vibrator and turns it on at the lowest speed.

First he slides it down the length of your neck stopping the vibrations right at your pulse point, you close your eyes and feel him moving further down, from the top of your breasts to your nipples making them hard against the lacy fabric of your bra.

"Stop teasing me, please," you plead, and he just smiles.

The vibrations travel down your belly and you feel your breath hitch as he reaches for the bar of your panties, he looks at you for confirmation and you say yes.

The vibrator finally touches your clit and you feel like you might die, but the vibrations are turned off soon after. You look at Tom trying to understand why he had stopped.

"Don't worry honey, just getting it out of the way" he says pulling your panties off your body.

He turns the vibrator back on and puts it in contact with your clit, he moves it down into your folds teasing your wet entrance, sighing you throw your head back feeling the pleasure in your body. Tom leans only his body on yours and leaves wet kisses on your neck.

"Tom, please" you moan gripping the curly locks of your hair tightly

"I need more". He chuckles against her neck before bringing the vibrator again to her clit along with his thumb making a circular motion.

"Don't stop please" she pleads.

"You don't know how beautiful your moans are love" he whispers to you and lets a light bite on your earlobe increasing the speed of the vibrator.

"Fuck, Thomas, I'm going to..." You close your eyes tightly feeling a tasty sensation in the pit of your stomach indicating that you were about to cum.

"I got you angel, cum for me".

Your body obeys his command and you come with a loud scream of his name, he turns off the vibrator but continues with the finger movements until you come down from orgasm.

You hug him tiredly letting your head fall on his shoulder, he quickly picks you up in his lap and lays you on his bed.

"Are you okay?" He asks pulling your hair out of your face.

"Yes, thank you."

"You need to stop thanking me for this" he smiles.

"Never, not until you stop giving me orgasms" she laughs a little before closing her eyes.

He lies down next to her hugging her body and sleeping next to her for the first time.

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

You wake up the next morning alone in Tom's bed, desperate to get out of there and not be caught by your brother, and sneak out of the room quietly.

When you are finally ready for your day and go downstairs to the kitchen you see Tom and Harrison having coffee alone since the other guys in the house were slow to wake up.

"Did you sleep well?" Harrison asks as soon as you enter the kitchen.

"Yes" you put the coffee in the cup and sit down next to him "Very well" you say looking at Tom.

"And you?" he asks Tom "did you bring any girls home last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dude, your room is next to mine, I heard all the moaning" Harrison says laughing and you choke lightly on your coffee "Don't stop, Oh Thomas, keep going I'm going to cum" you say imitating a female voice.

"Did you hear everything?" Tom asks nervously.

"Yeah, I don't know who the girl was, but I hope you made her cum at least," he says debauched.

"Yes, I did" he says smugly giving a cocky wink.

He walks past you to put the cup in the sink and when Harrison is not looking he whispers in your ear.

"And I hope for several more".

TAGLIST

@cherryobx

@a-daydreamers-day

@bevanbexley5252

@multihoee

@storybookholland

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine #peter parker x y/n #tom holland fanfiction #sam holland x reader #harry holland x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker oneshot

238 notes · View notes

sasquapossum · 2 years ago

Text

As many of you know, my daughter is heading off to college in less than a month. 🤩 but also 😢. Anyway, that has meant a lot of time scrambling about for things she'll need to have - the right size sheets and blankets (she'll have to get used to a smaller bed again), a mini fridge, space-efficient storage, that kind of thing. One of the biggest things dollar-wise is a new computer, and as the family IT person that's my department. So this might only be interesting for the more computer-inclined folks out there. Think of it as a case study.

She already has a computer, actually, but it's really for gaming so it's pretty darn big and the proprietary power brick makes it even worse. She'll probably take it anyway, with an 8GB -> 32GB memory upgrade that we hope will extend its useful life until we can get a good price on the next generation, but there's no way she'll be lugging that thing to and from classes. Besides the size and weight, there's the issue of battery life to consider. My priorities for computer number two - based on my own experience traveling a week per month for over three years before I retired - are low weight, good battery life, and preferably USB-C rather than proprietary charging.

As it turns out, Lenovo pretty much rules the roost for this category. I go to NewEgg, plug in a couple of dozen parameters, and half of what pops out - especially at reasonable prices - is Lenovo. Go to B&H, same thing. Go to Best Buy, same thing. They're just impossible to ignore. I guess that's why I'm typing this on one of theirs. They don't do too badly in the low-to-mid gaming segment either, which is why both of the gaming computers in this household are Legion 5s (of different vintage). On the other hand, her BF asked me to find a deal on a gaming laptop and what eventually popped out was a Dell, so Lenovo's dominance isn't absolute.

So now I have computer envy. Daughter has a brand new thin and light 2-in-1 (Yoga 6 if anyone cares). My Slim 7 has served me well for about two years, but it's showing its age. My 'T' key is missing, because it broke when I was trying to remove some tiny particle that had gotten under it. Good thing I'm a "bare metal" kind of guy, since I've been typing on the exposed contact for a couple of months. Even more worrisome, my touchpad seems to be getting flakier and flakier. Some day it's likely to give out entirely, so I'll be stuck using an external one if I haven't procured a new laptop by then. I kind of hate how we've gotten to the point where two years is considered a decent lifetime for a computer (maybe even a bit long according to many in my circle), but that seems to be where we are.

#computers #long post

6 notes · View notes

cat-26 · 3 years ago

Note

grad school anon here: Thank you so much for the detailed response!! I seriously appreciate it :) It is super helpful to see your journey with determining your grad school laid out.

Like, I've never really thought about big/small lab stuff before. My school is pretty small, and the only research I've been involved in has been on teams of 2-4 students w/ the professor, and I never thought about how the dynamic might change if there were more people. Also, it is super helpful to hear an engineering perspective (as an engineer myself!).

My uni is a primary undergraduate institution, so we dont have any grad students (at least not in engineering). The nice thing is that I was able to get involved in research last semester, but my options were pretty limited to begin with (only 3 research opportunities for my major). The research I'm doing is pretty computational, and while I think it is a valuable experience, I now know that computational is not for me.

Funnily enough, going into college I thought that I'd want to major in aerospace engineering (or at least go on to do it in grad school), however I ended up choosing mechanical engineering because not many schools have aerospace engineering as an undergraduate major.

Right now, I'm applying for REUs (research experiences for undergraduates sponsored by the natioanal science foundation in the us). Ive recently become interested in bioengineering, so now I'm applying to opportunities that seem interesting in bioengineering, but I havent taken a single biology course in college (lol). There's some big boi universities that I'm eyeing up for their research but idk if I'll get in because I've only really taken mechanical engineering courses

Anyways, thanks again for the response! I really appreciate it, and I thought I'd give you sort of my side of things too (might be interesting, might not). Also, I might message you some questions if I have more and feel up to it :)

--------------

Kind of funny side note: The spouse of the prof I am currently doing research with is planning some research that seems more my style, but I feel that it would be super awkward to be like "I'm ditching you to do more interesting research with your spouse - see ya!"

I'm glad my long answer was helpful!! And yes, don' t hesitate to message me with any other questions, I'll be happy to answer (or try to!)

And yes, your side is also interesting! I've heard a lot about REUs, I hope you get that!!! Bioengineering sounds so cool (it scares me, bioengineers are too powerful. You can go say hello to @\beacon-lamp, she's a biomedical engineer!) Fun fact about me: I wanted to be a vet so I started as a biology major, and switched to engineering when I realized I hadn't taken any bio classes and didn't need any more than calc II or physics I (and I really wanted to take more of those. Great decision on my part).

You can email professors from grad schools once you're a bit close to graduation to start asking about their labs, I doubt not having done research in specific fields doesn't hurt. (You can even ask what would make them more likely to hire you! Like, my prof tells prospective students to take CS classes since we do a lot of that)

Also, asking your prof to move to their spouse's lab would be so funny hahaha (now, will the prof be like "my spouse is awesome, go and be happy" or will they be like "hmm maybe stay in my lab.."?) But more seriously, I don't think any professor would be offended if you want to get experience on another kind of research

#good luck in your endeavours!!#ask #anonymous #grad school chronicles #<- i'll put it in that tag i guess #long post

13 notes · View notes

skzfelixity · 4 years ago

Note

The request I'm about to do OH HONEY ISTG ITS GOING TO SOUND RIDICULOUS AND STOOPID BUT I'LL TRY (maybe a bit long?) So it's basically a Harry Potter X True beauty (Han Seojun) like the reader who has studied in Hogwarts for a while decides that she also wants to experience like the normal muggle school (the reader is a muggle but never got the chance to like go to the normal school and had to go to Hogwarts) so she starts at they school and like Seojun takes an interest in her and they start dating but Seojun still doesn't know that she is like a witch and one day a situation had come up where the reader was with Seojun and she like HAD to use her wand. She likes starts telling him about her Hogwarts house (mine is Gryffindorput you can pick which everyou want💕), like the wand, potions, flying brooms, Diagonally and stuff. PLEASE THIS REQUEST SOUNDS STUPID BUT IDK WHY I LIKED IT😭

This idea was so creative, it’s not stupid at all! Plus, I love crossovers. I got so excited to write it and I am a gryffindor too! But hear me out, Hufflepuff!Seojun-

Magical Girl | Han Seojun [True Beauty]

Muggle!Seojun x Gryffindor!Muggle Born!Reader | Harry Potter AU

Summary: You decide to leave hogwarts and attend a school full of muggles. Meeting a very interesting muggle, you find yourself falling for him. No one knew about your secret until you had to help your boyfriend.

Warnings: none

You liked Hogwarts, you really did. Your friends, teachers and the places were amazing but you felt the need to attend a muggle school before graduating. It would be your 6th year if you didn’t leave. Your parents were so glad to have you back, you could spend everyday together. They didn’t have the chance to see you grow, at least they will be by your side for the rest of your school years. You missed them too and the friends you’ve lost since you left for Hogwarts.

You used to meet up with your old friends from elementary school when you came back home for holidays but after your 3rd year you stopped talking to each other. No particular reason, it’s normal for friends to drift away without realising it. According to your parents, they didn’t live here anymore so you surely had no one familiar to look forward to.

The day to go to school quickly came. You wore your Gryffindor scarf around your neck, it felt weird not wearing your usual robe that you were so fond of. Well there’s always Haloween for that, don’t worry. Your wand was inside your right boot, there was a risk of it breaking but you took it anyway. You weren’t going to leave the wand alone at home, that’s way more dangerous than having it with you.

You made your way through the hallway, girls and boys stepping aside for you to walk pass them. You didn’t really pay attention to their looks of jealousy and admiration since you were too caught up in the thought of your backpack being heavy. You didn’t really need to carry a bag at Hogwarts so this was new to you as well. Seojun, who was munching on his milk bread, wondered what all this fuss was about.

“Did you see the new girl?”

“Yeah, she is really pretty!”

New girl? He got his hopes up at the mention of a new student. He had been waiting for a girl who would finally interest him, could this be his lucky day? Nah, he told himself to not overreact but when he saw you, oh god, butterflies. His stomach did a double back flip twice. You were for sure the prettiest girl he had laid his eyes on.

He complained to his mom yesterday about not liking anyone from school, coincidence? I think not.

He rushed to you, fashion model catwalk and hands in his pockets. “Hello there,” he smirked at your surprised face. Well, you didn’t expect anyone to talk to you that fast. You got nervous because someone talked to you, that someone was a guy, a really tall and handsome guy. You managed to greet him back, your hands gripping tightly on your backpack, which seemed to be getting heavier and heavier.

Seojun obviously noticed how uncomfortable you were and got the backpack off your shoulders in order to slide it to his shoulder, “Let me help.”

Taken aback by his kindness, you stopped walking. Seojun panicked when he didn’t see you walking beside him, too afraid that he invaded your personal space. He needed to play it cool though.

“Oh right, I didn’t introduce myself,” he turned to you and gave you a small smile, “Han Seojun.”

You stepped closer to him, shaking the hand he had out for you, “Y/N L/N.”

“Nice scarf, by the way.” You thanked him with a shy grin. The scarf meant a lot more to you than he knew and you didn’t expect anyone to compliment you on it. Everyone was more focused on your face but he wasn’t and that was what made him stand out. You led the way, letting him carry your bag until you reach your classroom.

“My desk is that one in the back. No one is sitting on my right so,” He winked at you as he handed you your bag. You thought that wink was the hottest and cutest thing combined. You were too affected by it to hear the teacher entering and calling your name, “Y/N?”

Your head snapped at the teacher’s direction, your cheeks turning pink. Seojun chuckled at you, he noticed the affect his wink had on you and noted to try it again later.

You ended your speech, everyone clapped and told you how pretty you looked. You sat in the back, next to Seojun. You turned to look at him, only to find him looking at you already. “What?”

He shook his head and looked at the board ahead of him. There was just something different about you, he could feel it. He wanted to find out what that something was and get to know you better. Great, you’re stuck with a goofy simp.

You found yourself falling for him and you started pushing him away once you realised. Dating a muggle was something that you never had to worry about but now you were stressing over it. It wasn’t like he liked you back, he had a lot of people that would love to hang out with him but he chose you. He walked you home almost everyday, he ate lunch with you, he bought you snacks and he was always by your side. These were enough to assume that he had a crush on you.

You looked at him as he fooled around with Chorong in the hallway. You definitely have a crush on this boy too but you were scared at the thought of dating him. You were different from others and dating a muggle was more difficult than it sounded.

You needed to know if he really liked you though. The question was bothering your chest, maybe because you liked him a lot. You dragged him away from his friends, finding somewhere quiet to talk.

“What are you doing?” Seojun raised an eyebrow at you. You never approached him so it felt weird, he always talked to you first. Let’s just say his heart was about to explode. You slammed him on the wall, making his eyes widen. He couldn’t have done something to make you mad. Then why did you seem mad?

Your expression softened, realising that you didn’t dragged him here to use avada kedavra on him but to ask him if he liked you.

“Do you like me?” You looked into his eyes, watching him relax as the question fell out of your mouth.

“You scared me, I thought I did something wrong!” He let out a sigh of relief and placed a hand on his heart. You must have been a little intimidating but you couldn’t help it. The whole thought of liking and dating him had been eating you away for some weeks now. You were angry at the fact that you couldn’t be completely open with your significant other. That’s why you avoided him, you didn’t want to have feelings for him.

“And yes, I like you,” he admitted as if it wasn’t a big deal. With your assumptions proved right, you turned to leave. One part of you wanted to stay and ask him out but the othert told you to run away. However, Seojun stopped you from doing so, “I know you don’t like me back but you shouldn’t just leave like that.”

You froze and turned to face him. He really thought that you didn’t like him, that was your plan anyway. You managed to keep your feelings to yourself but it didn’t feel right. Pushing all of the fears and doubts aside, you impulsively decided to tell him how you felt too. It would only be fair if you were as honest as you could be with him, “I actually like you too.”

He didn’t believe what he heard. All the time you pushed him away, told him to leave you alone and not bother you meant that you liked him? He didn’t understand other people’s feelings anyway but that was far away than what your actions told him.

You started dating, spending more time together. Dating him wasn’t as hard as it seemed before, he was a gentleman after all. Your worries grew bigger though, what if he found out that you were a witch? What if he found out and break up with you? You had to push those thoughts away to be able to enjoy time with him. You should focus on him, you will worry when the time comes.

You were walking home from school, hand in hand. You were talking about your day and how boring classes were when you heard a cat meowing. You tried to find where the sound came from. Seojun nudged your side and pointed at a tree near you, a white cat was stuck on a branch. “Should we call-”

“Don’t bother, I can save it,” Seojun walked to the tree with you following behind him. When he was about to climb up the tree, you grabbed his shoulder, “It’s dangerous, you will get hurt.”

“it’s okay, I got it,” he started climbing up the tree, which was a kinda tall one. As he was about to grab the branch, his other hand slipped. You were prepared with your wand behind your back, there was no way he would climb up there safely.

“Arresto Momentum!” You yelled out with your wand in hand. Seojun was prepared to hit the ground but he didn’t feel anything. He opened his eyes to see that the ground was a few inches away from him. “I got it my ass,” you let him down slowly, making sure to not hurt him. Seojun’s eyes were wide open and they landed on the wand in your hand. “How did you do that?”

“I am a witch,” you straight up told him. There was no point in finding excuses, he saw everything after all. As he took his time to process what you said, you rescued the cat using your wand.

“A w-witch?” He didn’t say anything for a long time so you expected him to run away but you were far wrong from it.

“That’s so cool! Can you teach me too?” He stood up from the ground and ran to you. You chuckled at him, relieved that he wasn’t weirded out or frightened by you. You had been worrying for nothing. “I can’t teach you dumbo, I can tell you about the world of magic though.”

He nodded his head enthusiastically and sat under the tree that the cat was stuck on a few minutes ago. You sighed and sat down, this was going to be a long evening.

“Letters to attend Hogwarts, the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry are sent to kids who are considered magical when they reach the age of 11. Neither my mother or my father are wizards so we were really confused when I received mine. They were reluctant to let me go there but I ended up going. I don’t regret it even though I spent all my years there apart from holidays, I learnt a lot.”

Seojun was carefully listening at you, curious about the new world he had learned about. “You lived there?”

“Yes, Hogwarts is divided into 4 houses. Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. I am a Gryffindor!” You smiled proudly at the memories with your friends and all the wins in Quidditch your house had got. “Each house has its own colour, animal and values.”

“Which house would I be in?” Seojun asked you, the excitement in his eyes was so clear. You had known him for a while now and you have thought about his Hogwarts house a lot. “Most likely Hufflepuff,” even though you weren’t the sorting hat, you were sure Hufflepuff would be his house. “It values loyalty, justice, patient and hard work. Its colours are canary yellow and black.”

“I would love to go to Hogwarts, it sounds like an amazing place!”

“It really is. There is also Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. Diagon Alley is a shopping area. There are restaurants, shops and you can get all the supplies you need for Hogwarts from there. Hogsmeade is a village, where we go for our school trips. It has everything your stomach desires! I love the sweets there.” You laughed at the memory of one of your friends stuffing their mouth with sweets from Zonko’s Joke and having a stomachache the next day.

“Do you think I can go there?” He asked definitely hoping for a positive answer. He sulked as you shook your head, “Muggles are not allowed.”

“Muggles?” He frowned at the foreign word, liking the way it sounded.

“Normal people, we call you muggles.”

“Aren’t you a muggle too?” His question brought back the memories of others asking you if you were a muggle born. You sometimes envied halfbloods and purebloods. They didn’t have to get teased for being who they are. “I am considered a muggle born.”

He stayed silent as he noticed your change in mood, he will remember to question you later. He desperately tried to find something else to ask so you wouldn’t be thinking about it any longer.

“Do you really fly with brooms?” He was pretty sure that the flying broomsticks was a myth but he couldn’t find something better to ask. Better laugh at him than being upset.

“Yeah, they didn’t let us transport with them in school.” He widen his eyes, so it wasn’t a myth? He was shocked that people for once were right for something they hadn’t seen.

“What a bummer, I bet it would be nice to move around in a broom.” He won’t tell you but he used to ride brooms when he was little, pretending that he was flying. You agreed with him, it would make your feet hurt less for sure. “Can you show me a spell?”

“Someone might see, idiot!” you reminded him and playfully smacked the back of his head. There was no doubt that if he was a wizard, he would have been caught by muggles.

“Right... tell me about your favourite spells then,” he still wanted to learn about spells even though you couldn’t perform them.

“Well I have a lot. There is Lumos, a charm that illuminates the tip of the caster's wand, allowing the caster to see in the dark. There is also the levitation spell, a charm used to make objects fly. I like amortenia, it’s not a spell but a potion. It’s a love potion and it smells differently to people according to who they are attracted to.” You felt so proud being able to explain so much about magic. When you first started learning, you never imagined you would be explaining these to someone.

“Can you make the potion? So we can smell each other...” You laughed at his ears getting red. “I don’t think we need it but I can try,” you caressed his cheek as he blushed more.

“Can I see your wand?” You nodded and handed him your wand. You wouldn’t give it to anyone but you trusted him enough to not break it, he isn’t Ron Weasley. “Do you need wands to cast spells?”

“Not really. However, casting a spell without a wand requires a lot more concentration so we use wands a lot.” You remembered the time when you tried to cast a spell without your wand and made everyone in the room disappear. You never tried it again.

“Are you really fine with me being a witch?” You asked him as he handed you back your wand. He gave you a small smile, “Of course, why would I not be?”

“I don’t know...”

He really liked you, the fact that you were a witch wouldn’t stop him from being with you. “If anything, I like you more now!”

You held his hand and you both stood up to leave. In the end, you had nothing to worry about. He still liked you the same, no changes in his behaviour. Loving this certain muggle definitely made your life easier.

“Do you think our kids will get their letters for Hogwarts?”

“Probab- OUR WHAT?”

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #seojun #han seojun #han seojun x reader #seojun x reader #hwang inyeop #inyeop

119 notes · View notes