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slashxrose · 3 years ago

Text

Surprise, love -Duff Mckagan-

Title: Surprise, Love.

Warnings: explicit content.

Summary: I don’t use to do summary of my stories, y’all is gonna love it anyway; enjoy.

Dirty reading~

Duff Mckagan is the last person I expect to see on my doorstep, wet from the San Francisco mist, a faded green duffle bag at his feet.

Even years removed my heart still clutches at the sight of his hair, the boyish grin on his face. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes the way it used to, but I’m not able to catch much more of him before he’s pulling me into a bear hug and lifting me off the ground.

To put you all in context, Duff was my best friend ... and the best boyfriend someone could ever had, for most of my life, he was my neighbour when we were just born, little kids, getting to know each other from there and living a whole life together; I watched from when his first tooth fell out to when he had to take his first flight to go with the band to San Francisco, the place where I currently live now.

It surprises me, and it shocks me to see him, so changed after so many years, so many years without looking him in the eye, without knowing anything about him; today he is finally here, standing in front of me.

Trying not to break down in tears the emotions hit my being in a wave; remembering the day he left me at the airport and then never see him again; exactly in 1991, after his great "Use your illusion." I never heard from him again.

“Babe,” he breathes, I press my face into his neck, a laugh bubbling up out of my throat, “I missed you.”

“Yeah,” I manage.

I can feel my eyes pricking because I have missed him, too much. We’ve kept up as much as we could over the years, but with him overseas and my steadily making my way around the country, it had gotten difficult. I haven’t heard from him in a few months, and I haven’t seen him in a few years – probably eight, if I think about it. Instead of thinking about it, though, I wrap my arms tight around him and try not to let myself cry at the feeling of him engulfing me.

“I missed you too, Duff.”

I get him up to my apartment and let him settle onto my couch before I ask him any questions, mainly because I can’t quite find my voice and I can’t believe Duff is in my apartment, right now. He beats me to the punch, settling back into my couch and peeking over at me in the kitchen.

“This place is really nice.”

I nod, filling a glass up with water for him and then looking up at him, a smile on my lips.

“It’s alright,” I shrug, shutting off the tap and making my way over to the couch, handing it to him before I sit down, one leg tucked beneath me. “I got lucky.”

Duff sips the water and looks around, shaking his head. My apartment is nice – it’s got floor to ceiling windows and sleek, modern appliances and a killer view of the Golden Gate Bridge.

“Not luck,” he shrugs. “You deserve it, you worked your ass off for this place.”

I swallow, smiling over at him and feeling my cheeks flush – in part, because he’s right, and in part, because he’s wrong.

“Duff,” I laugh my voice soft. I tuck some hair behind my ear and looks up at him. “How’d you find me?”

Duff shrugs, setting the water glass down on my coffee table and turning to face me, leaning his arm over the back of my couch.

“I went home, first...talked to your mom, she gave me your address for if I ever wound up out west. Figured,” he shrugs, laughing, “It’d be more of a surprise if I didn’t tell her I already knew I was coming out this way.”

I shake my head, pressing my fingertips to my face.

“Oh god… I cannot believe my mum did that after all the things I told her, honestly.” I sigh, dropping my hand and raising my brow. “So, she didn’t know you were coming out here...but you did?”

Duff nods.

“Yes, I did… I’ve gotta come back to the hotel in a couple of hours… We’re flying to Europe, we’re gonna start a new tour I guess, we don’t really know, but I figured I could make a stop before I check into my hotel.” I swallow, watching his fingers flex against the couch cushion.

“Another tour?” I raise my brows. “You’ve been on tour the last eight years.”

“That’s what happens when you’re a famous rockstar babe, you never stop….” he laughs, his voice low. “I’m thinking I’ll be out here a bit, actually, trying to convince the boys to stop a little, I want to see you more often.” I try not to let my reaction show on my face, but this is Duff, so I know I’m not exactly subtle.

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I think about it, about Duff, just half an hour away instead of across the world.

“Wow,” I breathe, smiling over at him. “I’d get to see you, then?”

“If you want to,” Duff shrugs, and I roll my eyes at him, reaching over and swatting at his arm.

We cover the basics with his hand on my knee: I moved to San Francisco alone, I work for a newspaper, and I’m a runner now. He’s been back on tour and he’s not going to go so far away again, and he’s thinking about stop touring a little bit.

Wow.

I slide my hand over his and look down at it, brushing my thumb against the back and humming softly as I look up at him, a smile on my lips.

“So you’re telling me,” I say, my voice soft, “you’re a big enough deal the boys to stop touring, what they’re supposed to be doing?”

Duff rolls his eyes, glancing down to our hands and then back up to mine, his gaze soft. I try to focus on anything other than the look in his eyes and settles on his mouth, chewing on the inside of my cheek, because I know it’s a mistake immediately. Bad things tend to happen when I look at Duff Mckagan’ mouth.

“I’m telling you I could do it,” he shrugs, and I watch intently as he runs his tongue over his lower lip, his fingers pressing lightly against my leg. “We’ll find out, I guess; Steven’ planning to go to rehab…” He probably saw my intrigued face, so he immediately keeps talking. “I’ll tell you in a bit about it.” He smiles at me and I nod. “Slash has two little annoying but cute kids… so he’s gonna be busy with that, and Izzy… Well Izzy fucking left the damn band, so there’s no problem with him.”

I nod, feeling my lips shift into a soft smile, Wow, it’s surprising how everything changed since the last time I saw him, every one of them were idk… almost 30 years old, playing and joking around, being drunk and high as fuck, I never… I mean, we never thought that the band was gonna become this famous.

“Well,” I say, “I’m happy for you, Duff. You’re all grown up.”

Duff laughs, pulling his hand from my leg and rubbing his hand over his jaw slowly, swallowing.

“We’re both grown up, honey,” he chuckles, and I let myself meet his gaze. I stuck in a slow breath, feeling how heavy his eyes are on mine, letting the feeling wash over me easily. “Easy to see that, right?”

I nod and sit up a bit, settling my hand on Duff’s forearm, brushing my thumb slowly against his skin.

“Easy,” I say my voice barely above a whisper. “Too easy.” I don’t know why sitting here with him like this makes me feel like I could cry.

I squeeze my eyes shut, sighing out a slow breath and tightening my grip on his arm.

“I really missed you. I know we,” I shake my head, “I know we covered that, kind of, but...god, Duff.” I swallow, heavy, keeping my eyes shut so I don’t have to look at him as the words tumble out of my mouth, “I really didn’t know if I would ever see you again, you know? No matter how safe you told me you were, you almost had a fucking overdose… too much alcohol, too much shit.”

Duff doesn’t say anything, but I feel him shifting on the sofa. I feel him scooting closer to me. His breath wisps over my skin, and I feel like I might be shaking. I should stop him – I knows I should, I knows it’s the right thing to do with all of us history, all of the feelings that stretch out between us – but there’s an ache in my chest that I don’t think will let me. I squeeze his forearm, holding onto it with my fingers and hear myself let out a soft noise as his nose touches mine.

“Babe,” he murmurs, and I nod, my eyes still squeezed shut. “I’m good; you don’t have to worry anymore.”

“I know,” I breathe out, and I slide my hand off his arm and slip my fingers into his hair. I pulling him towards me, kissing him in the way I had imagined doing for years, for a lifetime, even. I’d never kissed him like this, so tender and slow, so intentional, so full. I whine into it, feeling tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

It feels like my heart is whole, even for just a moment.

Duff’s always been the boy I turned to when I was hurting, always been the person who knew me the best, who could make me feel good. This, though, is different – this kiss isn’t sweet, childhood tenderness, its gut wrenching in the most wonderful way. My stomach twists into a knot and then settles as his arm wraps around my waist, my ears rush harshly as his tongue moves against mine, my heart pounds in my chest as I feel both of our cheeks, touch against each other.

This is Duff, the man, safe in his arms, telling me he’s here, telling me I’m his. He hasn’t said it, but I can tell...I can tell from the way he’s kissing me that this was him, standing on her doorstep, asking me to let him in and keep him.

For tonight, at least, I can do that.

I crawl into his lap and press my fingers into his hair, my thumbs dragging along his face, my breathing ragged against his skin.

“Duff,” I whisper, brushing my lips against his, “I have a bed.”

Duff’s breathing is possibly more laboured than my own as he slips his hand beneath the back of my t-shirt, his fingertips pressing lightly into my skin.

“I assumed,” he mumbles, his mouth praying for mine, “This is a big apartment.”

I nod in a smile, grinning against his lips;

“Want to,” I tip my face down, my forehead pressed to his as I move slowly in his lap, my lips just out of his reach, “take a look at it?”

Duff lets out a low laugh, nodding and mumbling,

“Smooth,” against my mouth as he keeps his arm locked around my waist. He stands up, lifting me with him, I wrap my legs around him as he settles me in his grip.

I direct him to the bedroom, settling my feet down on the ground and swallowing as my eyes fall on a picture frame settled on my nightstand.

“Shirt,” I breathe, looking at Duff, who’s sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at me with a dazed smile on his lips, “shirt off, rockstar.” He lets out a low laugh, and I takes a moment to flip the picture frame face down while his shirt is obstructing his view, then tugs at the hem of my own shirt before taking a step forward, pulling it off as I stations myself between his legs.

I settle my hands on his bare shoulders, dragging my hands down along his skin slowly, then moving it back up and cupping his face in my hands. I slide my thumb over his lower lip and hiccups, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

“God,” I whisper, letting my eyes move over his face, taking him in. I’d never felt so full before. My vision blurs as I watch him, feels his hands settle over my waist.

He had changed, years without seeing him… without feeling him, I missed his touch, his kisses, I missed him so bad.

“Honey,” he says, and his voice has that lilt to it – the what are you crying for lilt, and I don’t have an answer. I bit down on my lower lip, shaking my head and trying to stop myself. His hand reaches up to my cheek and I lean into his touch, feeling my tears seep onto his skin.

I want to tell him...about the photo, about the man in the photo, about the way their timing is truly, continually, terrible. Instead, I lean my face down and kiss his palm, swallowing hard as I hear his own breath going wet.

“Come here,” he says, his voice thick, low.

I don’t need him to say it twice. I crawl into his lap and he shifts them back onto the bed, his hands moving shakily along my skin.

He flips them and undresses me carefully, his eyes moving over every new part of me as it becomes exposed. He unhooks my bra and pulls it slowly down my arms, unbuttons and unzips my jeans and tugs them over my hips, hooks his fingers into the waistband of my panties and tugs at them, slowly, his lips pressing to my stomach as he does, the gasp tearing from my throat involuntary, I swear.

Something in my brain tugs, that I should be embarrassed, being so naked in front of this man who’s known me for my entire life, but no. I can’t be, with the way he’s looking at me, with the adoration and want in his eyes. I let my hands slide along his arms, breathing slowly as he looks at me, takes me in, and then I settle my fingers against his belt buckle.

“I can’t be the only one naked here, baby,” I say, my voice soft, and the smile on his lips is so soft that I feel my cheeks flush.

I unbuckle his belt shakily, watching as he gets himself out of his pants, pushes off his boxers. I bites on my lower lip at the sight of him, half-hard for me, then drags my eyes up to his face, smiling at the way his cheeks are flushed. I sit up a little, wrapping my hand around him gently, dragging my fingertips lightly along his length and shutting my eyes, leaning my forehead against his chest because I don’t think I can take the look on his face, the pure emotion rippling through him.

“Fuck,” he bites out, and his hand slides to the back of her neck, his thumb dragging along the base of it slowly. His voice is shaky when he says my name, and I twist my wrist slowly, smiling as I feel him growing harder in my hand.

Yes, honey, I know you like this.

He shifts my back on the bed, pressing my legs apart so he can settle between them and leaning down to kiss me, drawing his tongue slowly over my lower lip as his thumb drags over my inner thigh. The mixture of sensations has me shaking, already, and he hasn’t even touched me where I want him to yet.

He’s gentle with me, at first. His fingers press lightly against my wet folds, testing the waters, working slowly as I breathe out heavy sighs to keep myself calm.

He’s driving me crazy.

His lips press over my collarbone lightly, dragging against my skin slowly as he dips a finger into me, then another. He hums against the hollow of my neck as his thumb circles my clit lightly, and I feel my hips lifting off the bed to find more of him, knowing he isn’t giving it to me yet.

“Oh god-” I groaned.

I come apart on his fingers, shakily, one of my hands gripped tightly into his hair. His mouth is on my neck and I whine, searching for his face.

“I need you.” I breathe, and he lifts his head slowly, grazing his lips over mine.

“You keep driving me crazy as the first day we met.” he murmurs.

I stop him, slipping my tongue into his mouth. I can’t hear him, like this, not right now. I need him to fuck me, need him, before I get too rational and stop him entirely.

This is too much, I can feel it – I’m going to break the both of us, but I can’t possibly end it before I feel him, before I know what it’s like to have him inside me, again.

“Duff,” I moaned against his mouth, lifting my hips and hooking a leg around his waist, trying to pull him closer. “I need you.”

He nods, slow, just once, and I love him for it. I love that he isn’t trying to tease this out, that he’s listening to me, that we both want this so badly that dragging it along isn’t appealing at all. I slide my hands up to his face, holding it and keeping my eyes on him, my heart still hammering. He locks eyes with me as I feel his tip pressing at my entrance, and I suck in a hard breath, watching his face.

He cracks the softest smile, and I feel my resolve breaking.

“Duff,” I breathe, my voice full, my eyes stinging, “please.”

I want him in a way I can’t understand – it’s something about the way he knows me, I think, absently, as his eyes trail over my face, down my body.

It’s about the way he held my hand when I fell off the jungle gym and broke my arm when we were six, it’s about the way he shoved an old friend of mine for calling me a bitch when we were eleven, it’s about the desperate way he kissed me back in her car when we were sixteen, it’s about the way he made me and makes me feel right now. It’s about the fact that he’s the same Duff he’s always been, but something else altogether, too. The boy I’ve always known, and the man I’ve always wanted, hovering above me, about to make me his, even when I belong to someone else.

But I didn’t care.

One of his hands brushes my cheek, and I slide my own to press over his, to keep him there. I hold his gaze as he pushes into me, slow, filling me. I let out a soft laugh, turning my face into his hand and rolling my hips.

“Please,” I murmur against his skin, “I want to feel you, Duff.”

He’s slow, but not in a torturous way. His eyes stick on mine as he rocks his hips into mine, as the fingers of his free hand trail along my leg, over my hip, tracing little shapes. I feel him, all of him, and my legs tighten around his hips to keep him as close as I can. His strokes are long, deep, and I know neither of us is going to last long, regardless of the speed.

“As my queen commands.” Duff softly replied, smirking before kissing my lips deeply as he thrust deep inside me.

The sudden feeling of being filled with a cock as big as him made me cry out in pleasure breaking the kiss as my back arched, I felt his fingers holding my hips lightly, making the movements to go harder. His own groans of pleasure mixed with mine as they filled the room, he started to move slowly, taking his time as our lips re-joined together with our tongues dancing and warping round each other, as our hands roamed each other’s bodies just feeling blindly in a that need to be close.

I feel my walls constricted around him, he started to move faster and found that bundle of nerves that made me touch the sky with my hands, his moans made an echo in my ear, they were loud, he was really enjoying this, making me instantly lose all the control, all sense of who and where I was, right now it was just the two of us; the world outside didn't matter, the day ahead didn't matter everything I can focus on was in him and nothing was going to stop that.

“Oh shit babe, yes.- ” I moaned. “Keep doing that oh god-” I wrapped his curlers in my fingers holding him, his thrusts collided with my body causing a lack of control in all my senses, damn I had missed this.

His movements were wild and erratic but so perfect precise, he knew all the right buttons to press. I open my eyes again to see him above me, his face the clear picture of pleasure and need, I never had seen anyone become so desperate and undone for me. A man like him with such talent showing a side of himself only to me that so few ever got to see, but in truth he would only ever truly become this undone and this vulnerable for me.

My hands slid down from his hair, trailing down his back across his slightly sweating skin as they found that perfect ass of his. His lips moving to my neck again as tears of happiness, love and pleasure fell.

“Oh my sweet babe.” Duff moaned shakily as he continued thrust deep into me, all I could do was cry out with pleasure and need.

“Oh Duff I love you.” I gasp thrusting up to meet his own movement's.

He’s nothing like I’ve ever felt, before – there’s something about the presence of him, of his body over mine, of his eyes watching me, his breath mixing with my own.

“Babe,” he breathes, his face tipping down, his lips finding mine. I sat up a bit, my hips shifting to meet his, to hit at a new angle. I weave my fingers into his curly hair and grips onto it as I kiss him, our tongues pressed together as I feel the heat pooling in my stomach, knows I’m closer than I’d even like to admit.

His hand moves from my leg to dip between them, pressing against my clit slowly, tracing over my nerves delicately before finding a pattern. I can tell he’s close, too, his breathing getting heavier, his thrusts more erratic.

“C’mon babe” I murmur against his mouth, “I want to feel you, Duff, I want to know what you feel about me.” my words fade into a whine as I feel him pressing more firmly to my clit, rolling it between his fingers.

I come hard, around him, feeling him spill into me moments later, our moans mixing together as he presses me down into the mattress.

“Oh damn.” He moans loudly in my ear.

We lay still, for a long while. I scratch sleepily at the back of his neck, Duff start kissing my neck softly as we cling to each other, trying to calm down. He pulls out of me slowly, smiling to himself as I groan at the loss, and I hum as he lays back down, still pressing his weight down against me.

“You’re not allowed to go anywhere,” I whisper, my lips pressed against the side of his head, “until I say so.”

Duff nods. “Got it, you’re in charge,” he murmurs, “so nothing’s really changed, huh?”

I laugh, but I feel the pang in my chest, knowing the truth – because yes, almost everything really has changed, and he doesn’t even know the half of it.

I must fall asleep, because when I woke up it’s dark outside and I hear him moving around...somehow, I just knew in that moment that he knows, now. I sit up slowly, pulling the sheets to my chest and pressing my hand over her face.

“Duff?”

He pokes his head out of the bathroom and smiles at me softly. When he steps through the door, he’s got his boxers on, and I feel my heart clench in my chest.

“What’s his name, babe?” He sits on the edge of the bed and pull my hand from my face, lacing his fingers with mines. “He’s got some nice pomades, in there...expensive.”

“Duff,” my voice is hollow, I look up at him with pleading eyes. “I can explain all of this, okay?”

He nods, brushing his thumb over mine.

“I know,” he swallows, his voice thick. “What’s his name?”

I sigh out a breath and casts my eyes upwards, trying not to cry.

“Daniel…” I answer, quietly. “We’ve been...I moved in a few months ago, but it’s been a little over a year.”

I don’t let myself close my eyes, making myself look at him as he swallows, processing my words and looking around the room.

“You love him?”

“Duff,” I don’t know how to answer that question, not right now.

He’s been away for a while, and came here making me feel lost and complete at the same time, now I don’t even know where or who I am.

“Does he make you happy, hun? That’s,” he lets out a soft, wet laugh, “that’s really...what I’m asking you.” I nod, looking down at our hands. “Good.”

“I didn’t,” I croak, and I hate myself for it. “I didn’t know when you...if you,” I shake my head. “I didn’t know, Duff. I didn’t know if I...if–,”

“I didn’t want you waiting for me,” he supplies, shaking his head and looking at me, straight on. “I’m glad you didn’t, I... I slept with a lots of girls too… I can’t blame you for this.”

I feel desperate, scoots myself closer to him and settles a hand on his cheek.

“I’m not,” I breathe, wanting to press my face to his and hesitating. “You’re here, now, Duff.”

Duff nods, and bridges the gap. He presses his forehead against mine, finding my eyes.

“I’m not leaving,” he says, his voice low. “I told you,” he swallows, “I’m not gonna go away without you next time. If I convince the boys…damn.”

I nod.

“And I’ll be here,” I murmur. “But someone else is gonna be here with me…”

He shuts his eyes, squeezing my hand.

“For now,” he shrugs, “and maybe for good, but,” he opens his eyes and looks at me, fully.

My feels tear pooling in my eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere. I...I believe in this, babe. I wouldn't be here if I didn’t.”

I take a long breath, nodding slowly. I realize he doesn’t mean here, my apartment – he means here, in San Francisco...that he wouldn’t be considering this job if it wasn’t for me. I understand his meaning, here: I’m in charge.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, and he shakes his head, but I stop him. “No, I should’ve told you.”

“His shoes were by the door, babe, I saw them.” he says, his voice soft. “I’m not an idiot.”

I feel something break in me, and I find Duff’s mouth, kissing him softly.

“God,” I laugh, my voice low, my lips pressed to his, “we really can’t get it right, huh?”

Duff kisses me, soft and slow, his tongue tracing my lip before he pulls away. He stands up from the bed and I watch, my eyes wide and soft as he moves around, grabbing his clothes and pulling them on.

“To be determined,” he decides, as he’s buckling his belt.

I chew on my cheek, getting out of bed and finding my robe. I wrap it around me and follows him out into the living room, watching as he grabs his duffel bag.

“You can stay,” I say, my voice hoarse, and he looks over his shoulder at me, shaking his head.

“I won’t leave,” he swallows, and I shut my eyes for a moment at his words. I nod.

“Okay,” I whisper. “So when will I see you?”

Duff sighs out a breath as he pulls the bag over his shoulder, then wraps his arm around my waist. He walks me over to the door before he pulls me against him, leaning his face down, kissing me softly.

“I’ll be here another week,” he says, his voice low, “and then...depending on things, I’ll be here for good. So,” he finds my eyes, “up to you, okay? You call me.”

I nod, my head spinning.

“Don’t disappear on me, okay?” I beg.

He shakes his head, softly, kissing me lightly.

“Promise, I won’t.” He replies.

I feel him pull his arms away, and I wrap my own around myself so I don’t do something stupid, like pull him back into my bedroom. I watch as he grabs the doorknob, opening the door and taking a step through it.

“Call me when you get to your hotel?”

He nods, leaning down and kissing me gently.

“I will,” he breathes against my mouth.

By the time I open my eyes, he’s gone. My phone buzzes on the kitchen island and my heart drops, but when I flip it over, it’s Duff.

‘Miss you already, you know that?’

I press it to my chest and shut my eyes, taking deep breaths – in part, to calm down, and in part, because I did.

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greeneyezblackheart · 2 years ago

Note

I saw a post you made from a really long time ago where you were talking about how much you loved GnR's music videos. And I have to agree. And if you don't mind, allow me to talk your ear off again with another one of my GnR rants.

Their music videos in the 80s (Welcome to the Jungle, Paradise City, and Sweet Child O' Mine, in particular) were just your stereotypical, 80s rock music videos. Footage of the band doing things such as riding on buses, walking down streets, with the majority of it being a crazy performance/concert. Maybe this is just me, but in the 90s- actually, as early as Patience- they seemed to shift gears from that completely. Their music videos literally became little movies. As dumb as that sounds, I'm serious! I could pop a bag of popcorn and binge GnR music videos like I'm watching movies, Shells. ESPECIALLY November Rain. When I was watching it for the first time, it literally had me thinking, "Oh, what's gonna happen next?" In Estranged, after Axl jumped off the boat: "Oh, what's gonna happen next?" Am I the only one who feels that way? Patience, November Rain, Don't Cry, and Estranged all are like little movies, to me. They have plot twists (exhibit A: Stephanie's death in November Rain) and suspenseful moments, and it's like watching a little movie. I was watching Estranged earlier today, and just...wow. I see that video a lot, and it gets me every time. So good. So, so, so good. Band performance videos are near and dear to my heart, but GnR blew me AWAY with their music videos. They're truly amazing.

Hehe, I'll never forget the first time I watched a lot of GnR's videos- November Rain and Estranged, in particular. My best friend and I went to an arcade together. She loves GnR too, and like me, she is desperately in love with Slash. Anyway, we were there for two and a half hours, and we only played two or three games. What did we do for the rest of the time? She and I sat in a broken photo booth and BINGED GnR videos. I'm being dead serious. People thought we were just hogging the photo booth, but it was broken, so she and I sat in it and watched GnR stuff. It was such a good time. I was a brand new GnR fan at the time, and once I watched November Rain, there was no turning back. I was hooked for life.

I probably sound like SUCH a lunatic. But that's my thoughts on the loveliness of GnR's music videos. 💕

The Don’t Cry/November Rain/Estranged videos are actually supposed to be a trilogy. There’s a documentary out there of the making of these videos and the stories behind them. I’ve seen bits and pieces of this documentary on YouTube, but not the whole thing in its entirety. I know the video for November Rain is based on a short story called Without You, written by Del James, a really good friend of the band’s (particularly Axl’s). It’s about a rock star who’s hung up on a chick who kills herself and the story is a look into this dude’s fucked up, drug addled mind AFTER her suicide. Anyway, DC and NR are my favorite all-time music videos. And yes, I’m old enough to remember when they were being played on MTV. I was legit obsessed with Stephanie’s wedding dress in that video. Let me tell you a little secret: I played with Barbies until I was about 12 or 13 years old. I’ve always had a very vivid imagination and I’ve always done this thing where I make up stories in my head. I still do it to this day, I have this entire alternative universe where me and Izzy are together and…

Ok, sorry…back to the topic at hand. My Barbies. I would always make up stories in my head when I’d play with them. I was a huge GNR fan from the time I was 10 years old. In my stories, my Barbies were dating the GNR guys. I had plenty of Barbies to go around and I’d pretend my Ken dolls were the GNR guys. My main Barbie was with Duff (which is who I liked best in the band until about a year ago when all of a sudden Izzy turned me FERAL), and I was so enamored of Stephanie’s dress, that I cut the front of my wedding Barbie’s dress out to resemble the NR wedding dress. It was such a mess, but with my fantastic little imagination, my Barbie’s dress was an exact replica. I even made her a little garter for her leg like Stephanie’s in the video.

Okaaaaay. So. Yes, I have a long history with my GNR boys.

So, here’s what we know about the trilogy: Stephanie and Axl are fighting in the DC video. Fact: that happened in real life with Axl and Erin Everly—he was threatening to kill himself, they fought, she grabbed the gun away from him (like in the video). Then Steph catches Ax with another chick. She knocks ol' girl RIGHT OFF the piano bench and proceeds to beat the shit out of her as the rest of the band looks on in amusement. Slash and Duff have their little tiffs with their girls. Slash drives off a cliff with his girl in the car. But let’s forget Slash and Duff for now bcs they both appear (rather comedically) in the NR video. Stephanie and Axl are married in the NR video. But why does she look so freaking unhappy? She’s choosing to marry him even tho she knows he’s a cheater. Gorgeous wedding, Duff and Slash are so adorable with the whole ring thing. As they’re leaving the church, as the (happy?) couple gets in the car, Stephanie STILL looks so sad. But why? Surely, life COULD be worse, right? Reception: RAIN! Duff (providing the comedic relief) scrambles to get under a table. Cut to the funeral, where it’s obvious that Stephanie has died from gunshot suicide, as the casket has a mirror over one side of her face, as presumably the side of her face behind the mirror is not suitable for viewing. Pretty fancy way to have an open casket funeral for a gunshot to the head death. Hmmm, yes. My first time seeing something like that. Very interesting. Axl is sad. Sorry, bud. Maybe you should’ve been nicer to your girl. The Estranged video. I think it represents Axl going crazy finally? Very indulgent. Dolphins, the ocean, a boat, Slash playing the guitar while standing on ocean waves. Axl says FUCK IT, decides to end his life by jumping off the boat, gets rescued by Duff, aaaaand all is right in the GNR world again.

I wrote you a book. One that probably doesn’t make any sense. But one thing you know I can talk forever about is my GNR. 🖤

#the november rain trilogy as seen through shells' eyes #talk of barbies and role playing #I love this band and can talk about them endlessly #hannah 🍌#southern sis ♥️#shells rambles 💬

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jq37 · 3 years ago

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The Report Card – Fantasy High: The Seven Ep 6

Bitches Be Shopping

What is up y’all. A little late but let’s jump in with episode six of The Seven where our girls have just received a LOT of information, Sam most of all who got put into a little vision coma that she’s just now waking up from.

She explains the vision to her friends (as she interprets it, the other Eidolons didn’t die, just became part of the natural forces of the world) and then the bear that Penny made on a whim last episode (who is Russian, named Koda, and somehow a trained circus bear) gets into a fight with Katja with their friends buffing the two to make things more interesting because these are still idiot teens, life or death situation or no. Yelle decides to be the adult and tells them to knock it off and get back on mission.

That means Katja needs to call her dad since he’s knows the guy who’s the best lead to getting to TK ( Talcidimir Tallbreeze who I’ll call Tal). She actually manages to get her dad this time who is inside a giant snake on his hell mission. Katja asks what he knows about TK and he says she’s a sorcerer but also has a spell book so maybe she’s multiclassed. Sam and Ant desperately want to know if they boned and Katja absolutely is not interested in that knowledge. Yelle decides to just ask which makes her dad a little annoyed since he’s kind of in the middle of something (literally) and that annoys Ant, Ost, and Sam who--respectively, accuse him of gaslighting Kat, cast Command on him, and cast Bane on him to aid the Command spell.

Mr. Cleaver fails the save and Ost commands him to tell Katja the truth. He admits that he did hook up with TK and he regrets it (note: it wasn’t like he cheated. It was just a casual hookup that wasn’t fulfilling it seems). Ost demands he apologize for not being there for Kat and Sam berates him for being at the top of the world and not lifting up his daughter too. For his part, Kat’s dad seems genuinely apologetic and promises to do better.

“You don’t need to be the best father, you just need to be there,” Katja says, making her dad break down crying.

Yelle, who has no daddy issues, is a bit less aggro and says that everyone makes mistakes and he can start making it up right now by helping with the Tal situation. She also gives them the tip that a cold spell will probably get them out of the snake lickety split. She is on the money with the snake tip and Mr. Cleaver gets them all invites to a masquerade ball Tal is hosting. It’s being held on the Rumbosa which is this city-sized leisure ship. Mr. Cleaver says he’ll be back as soon as he can and, in the meantime, she should take care of her friends, “even the first 2 that were terrifying to me.”

The girls give Katja the axe they took as a birthday present (it was apparently her birthday the day before which Rekha just decided and Ost/Izzy refuses to accept without a fight because she *knows* Kat’s bday) which is identified as the Axe of Sundering (it can shatter objects, people, and sometimes concepts like halving movement). The two unnamed potions Yelle found are also ID’d as a Potion of Fly and a Potion of Gaseous Form. She distributes the Heath Potions to people without heals. Ant’s new arrows bypass some resistances and let her treat whatever she hits with the first one like it’s her favored enemy.

According to their invites, the ship they need is docking in the city of Gravalvia soon (a very old city in the Baronies) so they need to figure out a plan. They have some downtime, during which:

Zelda tries to hype up the team.

Zelda tries to see if Ost is OK wrt dad stuff and Ost has a Full Breakdown after badly pretending she’s fine.

While Zelda, Ost, and Penny are being Emotional and Sam is trying to literally cool them down with her powers, Ant and Yelle keep watch and experience emotional stability as the Adults Of The Party

Anyway, after a night of rest, they head to the golden city of Gravalvia which is this very cool, very pretty city with mosaics and fountains and I assume columns. They get there and there’s a dramatic fight happening in the square which is halted when one of the fighters realizes that the country he’s fighting for doesn’t exist anymore. And now, it’s time for what we’ve all been waiting for. Shopping Montage! Let’s go girl by girl.

Katja and Ost

Kat asks for help from Ost with getting fancy for this gala since she’s never really done anything dressy before (and she had no mom to help--Kaaaat) and Ost is happy to oblige, dressing them both like “Jersey trash”. Kat, of course, still wears her Khakis underneath.

Antiope

Ant decides to get a vibe for what people here wear and picks something that will blend in but be forgettable so she can be stealthy. Classy blue dress and mask.

Penny

Penny...OK, I absolutely cannot describe what happens here in any way that will do justice to the scene. I am going to tell you what matters to the plot. You have to watch this yourself if you want to see the entire table have a collective breakdown.

While looking for a costume, Penny runs into a halfling who is a member of the Society of Shadows--Laertes. He wants to know why she hasn’t responded to their invitation yet. She says she’s really eager to join, she just wasn’t sure how to respond (and also, she’s kind of in the middle of something). He says she can join by just messaging back and then her loved ones just have to sign waivers to have their memories wiped of her and she’s good to go. Say what now? asks Penny. She didn’t realize this was like a full Men in Black situation.

He says it’s ultimately her decision and leaves.

Of course, I left out the parts where he ate a handful of Candy Heart’s remains, became violently ill, almost projectile vomited into Penny’s mouth, and she tried to kiss him despite him being a full adult. It’s A Lot, ok?

Also, we don’t find out until later but Penny picks a sexy duck costume for reasons that make more sense if you watch the scene but not *much* more sense. She also burns one of the healing potions on this dude as he is bar

Danielle

Danielle tries to get some info on the guests at the party and gets the names Lawrence LaDuc, Princess Autumn, and Duston who is the playboy cousin of Tal. She also hears some dude saying some colonize and plunder the earth BS and casts Heat Metal on him, fully mercing the dude. Ice cold.

She tries to play it off like it’s the Curse of the Forest and when that doesn’t work and people start coming for her, she wildshapes into a dragon wyrmling and starts roasting people, killing 1 and dropping 2 to zero.

Unfortunately, one of her party members is a known dragon hater and uses her new arrows to snipe her right out of the sky. Ant is horrified once she realizes what she’s done but Yelle says it’s all good. It’s NOT all good, says Ant, I STABBED YOU. You’re allowed to be mad! Yelle says she’s just really good at compartmentalizing but what Ant’s getting here is that Yelle doesn’t really believe that her feelings matter which echo the fears of her moms.

Sam

Sam uses a combination of Mantle of Inspiration, glamour magic, performance, and good old flirting to get herself some killer clothes and also start a spontaneous musical number Giselle style.

Brennan says she looks resplendent and, honestly, when does she not?

They reconvene, Zelda in a classic hoop skirt. Yelle realizes she never got a costume and just whips out a Met Gala level, autumn themed, Queen Mab-esque costume with Druidcraft which she could have done this whole time so I guess that’s why she was cool spending her shopping time getting gossip and playing Poison Ivy.

They get to the ship and the way this works, everyone has to make an entrance and the really rich people (including Tal) are on a dais up top watching everyone come in. They all have to give fake names for the night since it’s a masquerade and they have to do Performance or Persuasion checks to see how impressive they look going in.

Before they go in, they plan a little. Penny wants to look for TK. Sam wants to find Dunston. Ost wants to talk to the bouncers. Yelle wants to see if there are plants she can manipulate (there are btw) and for any exits.

A quick rundown of how these all go:

Katja aka Mere (which means both mom and horse): 16

Ant aka Midnight Huntress: 18

Penny aka Penny Duckstone: 13

Zelda aka Madame Goodparty: 2 (Poor Zelda)

Sam aka Songbird: 22 (but she takes a hit to entrance save Zelda from totally flaming out)

Ost aka Stanley Gucci: 13

And Danielle, who never hogs the spotlight and is embarrassed to admit that maybe she does want to be the center of attention for once in her life with a Natural 20, gets a 29, absolutely bringing down the house as Empress Anima. As she walks forward she feels a voice say to her, “You got this. I love the name. You wear it well.”

Tal seems very impressed by her and a lady in a rabbit mask (Coeliabranca who I’ll call Coel if she comes up more) comes down to bring her up to the top with the high rollers. As she leaves, Sam casts Fly on her, just in case and holds the Concentration.

Ost and Kat go talk to the bouncers and Kat decides to pretend to be her mom to get access to the area Yelle is. She rolls low and is told, “Hey, aren’t you already up there?” Kat is like, fuck and Ost saves her by using her charm earrings to get an entourage of guards who will let them through and do what she says. Once up there, Kat doesn’t see her mom which I can imagine she has mixed feelings about.

Sam finds Dunston who is talking about Fantasy Bitcoin and seems like a real “Step on me mommy” type you know? Like, I feel like he’s into findom. Anyway, Sam charms him and his hangers on and learns about a procedure called a Phlebectomy that involves something going into their nose and then they feel better. Sam is rightfully horrified because, as I said, she is Most Likely To Survive A Horror Movie and can sense BS when she sees is. It’s apparently all the rage with the rich people here which is, como de dice, concerning seeing as they’re surrounded by them but we’ll get to that. Sam takes advantage of Dunston’s proclivities and gets him alone, knocks him out, steals him clothes, and pretends to be him (a *very* good scene by Sephie).

Penny sees a gnome gnome boy (Lysander Higgins) shining shoes and finds out from him that there is a copper earth genasi woman here. In a very Cinderella move, she asks what shoes she was wearing. Then, she makes out with him which like, sure. At least it’s not a grown adult man this time. Before she gets her kisses in, she does tell the group what she learned.

Up with the rich people, Yelle is introduced to Tal’s friend who is into Eidolons because of the name she chose. Between the shoes and her knowledge, they confirm that it’s TK! Yelle asks what she knows about Eidolons and she says that 7 is a very powerful number.

We cut to Ant who is patrolling the room as the sun sets and she suddenly hears a little beeping. It’s coming from a small crystal that was in Preston’s shirt (which she still has on her because???). Guests start dripping goo from their noses and transforming into monsters. Ant realizes that some kind of spell is happening triggered by midnight and this beeping. Hope these costumes are battle ready cause it’s fight time baybee!

Superlatives

Danielle: Most Likely to Be on The News for Murdering Fantasy Jeff Bezos

I cannot imagine what was running through Yelle’s head when she decided that, having just rolled into a foreign country, her next move was to start using lethal force on anti-environmentalist colonizing capitalists. Like, she’s not *wrong* per se but she is wild--in all senses of the word.

Random Thoughts

Kat keeps saying yesterday was her birthday which Ost/Izzy (and the rest of the group to a less vocal degree) are simply not having because maybe her dad would forget her birthday but her girls absolutely would not.

“You’re great because you stayed,” is the other killshot Kat line to her dad.

At a certain point Sam says, “This is so unhealthy,” to I think Yelle and like, if SAM is telling you your coping mechanisms are unhealthy, get thee to therapy.

OK, so someone, presumably Anima’s spirit, talks to Yelle as she makes her grand entrance which seems like info they should get to Talura ASAP, right? Cause that’s evidence they’re not dead-dead, just changed in form. But also Anima, girl. Don’t talk to Yelle. Talk to your rampaging sister!

"That's my secret, I stay in initiative."

Just a process note, notes are taken for the next ep and I am working on getting that recap up ASAP. As a battle ep, it will be in the abbreviated style that I did for last battle ep.

In this episode, Penny rolls a Nat 1 (which she rerolls) and one of Brennan’s NPCs rolls a Nat 1. Ant rolls 2 Nat 20s, Yelle rolls 1, and Brennan says that one of his NPCs gets a 20 which sweeps him entirely into Sam’s dance number.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #the seven #the seven spoilers

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natrogersfics · 4 years ago

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After All - Chapter 4/5

Cover art by @faith2nyc Read on AO3

The clock on her nightstand is a minute short from ringing, but Natasha is already leaning over to kill the alarm. With a sigh, she rolls onto her back. The first vestiges of morning light stream through the liminal space between the curtains, filling the room, but unlike most days, the brightness does not bother her – she’d woken up long before these signs of the new day. It’s the height of irony that on one of the few occasions where Isabel had slept through the night, she’s the one who had restlessly stared into the dark. But as she’s reminded of the thoughts that kept her up all night, she’s not sure if sleeping was ever really in the cards.

Back when she was pregnant with Isabel and things between her and Steve seemed like it was heading in the right direction, she had let herself envision what their days as a family might be like. They’d do the most mundane of things, but they’d end up becoming extraordinary memories anyway because they’d laugh and have a wonderful time doing them. Yesterday had felt exactly like that. From decorating Christmas cookies to watching Isabel giggle and run around the park, it’s as if the day had been pulled directly from her dreams, and it was one she never wanted to wake up from. For there, in the tiny seat in front of the workstation in Hela’s Cookie Boutique, with Steve next to her and their daughter on cloud nine as she dipped their cookies in sprinkles of every color imaginable, she’d never felt so whole.

But it’s not the perfection of yesterday or even the fact that it hadn’t lasted that kept her up all night. It’s that at some point, she thought that perhaps she wasn’t the only one wishing that it wouldn’t end. She can’t pinpoint the exact moment she began to think it, it might have been as she and Steve worked to rid Isabel’s face of all the icing without having to say a word, or maybe as they realized on that park bench that they were both head over heels for the wonderful human being they had brought to life together. It might have even been on the cab ride back home to her flat where their hands had met and neither of them had bothered to let go, their fingers intertwining like two pieces built for the other. Either way, as the three of them walked up the steps to her front door, there was a part of her that was starting to believe that maybe she had read everything that had happened between her and Steve in the last couple of years all wrong.

Of course, the possibility that she was the only one caught up in yesterday’s glimpse of what could be is completely plausible – it certainly wouldn’t be the first time. But if she’s certain of one thing, it’s that something definitely changed. Sometime after their cab ride, the smile on Steve’s face had fallen, and it’s as if the progress they’d made since he arrived had all been erased as he reneged on her dinner invitation. What had catalyzed it, she couldn’t tell, and it’s that question that had prevented her from falling asleep. He had mentioned something about ironing out an issue with the gallery, but for the life of her, there wasn’t a fiber in her being that bought it. And though she knew she could have easily gotten confirmation with a single text to Pepper, she just couldn’t bring herself to pick up her phone.

Before she can begin to ponder the reason, though, the real signal to the start of her day comes through the baby monitor as she hears Isabel whimper, and with a sigh, she throws the comforter off of her as she rises to her feet.

By the time she’s had coffee and she and Isabel are seated on the living room floor putting the finishing touches on some stockings, she makes a resolution not to jump to any conclusions. When Steve had texted her weeks ago asking if they could talk, she had panicked, and it turned out to be for nothing. Maybe this time, she’d ought not to fret before there’s a reason to. If Steve said that he had a work problem, then perhaps that’s really all there is to it.

“Izzie,” she says, reaching for a blank stocking and the bag filled with felt letters just as Isabel turns to her. “Come help me decorate this one.”

The doorbell rings later that afternoon just as she fastens the brooch on her hair, and with a final glance at the mirror, she makes her way towards the front door. She pulls it open, finding Steve standing on the other side, his eyes on the phone in his hand. “Hey.”

Steve looks up at her greeting, his brow ticking up when he sees her. “Hey,” he echoes back, putting his phone away. “You, um… you look nice.”

“Oh,” she says, tucking a loose tendril of hair behind her ear as she gives the creme colored cocktail dress she had selected for the day a once-over. “Thanks.” She opens the door wider to let him in, calling out to Isabel over her shoulder before turning back to him. “Everything sorted out with the gallery?”

“Yes,” he says, slipping his hands into his pockets as he makes it a few steps into her foyer.

“Good, that’s good,” she says a beat later when he does not elaborate further, letting her lips quirk as she adds, “they’re lucky you used to be a tactician, huh?”

He only shrugs at her quip, and she tries not to grimace as she watches him look everywhere but at her, the feeling of unease that had fallen over them last night returning. But before she can say anything more, they hear the pitter pattering of feet against the hardwood, and she catches the way Steve’s entire demeanor shifts as he bends down, his face breaking out into a smile.

“Dada!” Isabel squeals.

Steve feigns a groan as Isabel all but launches herself into his arms, giggling as he lifts her up. “Hi fig,” he says, kissing Isabel’s cheek and eyeing the item between her hands. “What do we have here?”

Isabel pushes the stocking towards him. “Yours!”

From where she stands leaning against the doorknob, she watches as Steve takes the stocking with his free hand, his eyes scanning over the letters spelling out his name that she had stitched onto the front. She grins. “We thought since you’re spending Christmas here, you should have a stocking on the mantel, too.”

“Look, Dada!” Isabel says, pointing to the bright yellow sequins that she had insisted on adding. “Spaw-kles!”

“Obviously, the sparkles were her idea,” she explains, catching the way Steve’s lips pull up in a smile.

“I love it,” he tells Isabel, who proceeds to wrap her arms around his neck. “Thank you for the sparkles.” He dusts a kiss to Isabel’s temple before looking her way. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” she says softly, mustering a smile.

Silence falls over them for a moment before he clears his throat. “I’m sorry,” he says, his eyes falling to her ensemble. “I don’t think I ever got around to asking where you were going.”

“Oh,” she says, shifting on her feet. “Actually, I’m-”

“Look at you!”

Upon hearing the expression, she looks behind her to see Loki, dressed sharply in a navy suit and a baby blue button-up, walking up the steps to her front door. “Oh, hey.”

“You look beautiful, darling,” Loki says, smiling as he leans down to kiss her cheek.

She blinks up at him. “You’re early.”

“I realize that, but I thought maybe you- oh.” As Loki’s gaze falls behind her, his expression fills with genuine surprise. “Oh, pardon me,” Loki says, stepping inside to offer Steve his hand and Isabel a wave. “Pleasure to see you again, Steve. All is well with work, I hope?”

“It is,” Steve says, shaking Loki’s hand.

“I’m sorry for interrupting,” Loki says. “I thought maybe Natasha might need help getting Isabel’s shoes on. It’s been quite a struggle recently.”

“I was able to bribe her with a cookie,” she finds herself saying, and though she’s not sure why, her voice comes out barely above a whisper.

“You weren’t,” Steve says as if she hadn’t uttered a word, his eyes on Loki. “We were actually just about to leave.” He sets Isabel down on her feet. “Why don’t you say bye to momma?”

As Isabel walks over to her, she bends down to wrap her arms around her. “Have fun, baby girl,” she says, squeezing Isabel tightly. “I love you.”

Steve already has the baby bag slung over his shoulder and the folded stroller in hand by the time she lets Isabel go. “Let me know if you need me to keep her out a few extra hours,” he says, gesturing for Isabel to take his other hand.

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” she says, her eyebrows furrowing.

“Well, if that changes, just let me know,” he says, his gaze going from her and then to Loki before she can get another word in. “Have a nice time.”

“Thank you,” Loki says, nodding politely.

She follows Steve and Isabel out the door, stopping at the top of the stairs as she watches them carefully make it down one step at a time. “Take care,” she murmurs as they begin to walk down the block, smiling as Isabel looks back to wave at her.

Loki’s lips tug up as she walks back inside. “Shall we?”

“Sure,” she says, “let me just get my purse.” She makes her way over to the credenza on her right, reaching out to retrieve her clutch, only for her hand to freeze midway at the sight of Steve’s stocking lying face down next to it.

“Natasha?” she hears a beat later, and she looks back to see Loki’s head cocked to the side, his eyes filled with concern as he stares at her. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” she says, blinking once before more convincingly adding, “yes.” She quickly reaches for her clutch before smiling. “Let’s go.”

The streets blur by her window as she sits in the passenger seat of Loki’s car, her thoughts a million miles away. This morning, she had told herself that she was overthinking last night’s events. But after seeing how clipped Steve had been in her foyer only moments ago, she knows now that her worries are not unfounded. She knows Steve, knows that his mood just doesn’t swing that quickly, and she wishes desperately that she could know what’s causing it. But, more importantly, it hurts her to know that she’s lost the ability to read him. How she yearns for the days where he was an open book to her, and now she can’t even tell which way the wind blows with him.

“Thank you for accompanying me,” Loki says, breaking her out of her reverie as he reaches over to put a hand on her knee.

“Of course,” she says, watching the way a smile forms on his lips as he keeps his eyes on the road. “I promised you I would, didn’t I?”

“You did,” he confirms. “But I know these charity events can get quite perfunctory, which is why I promise you can get anything you’d like at the bar.”

She chuckles, placing a hand on top of his. “It’s for a good cause,” she says, to which he nods in agreement. “Though I won’t say no to free drinks.”

The cocktails she had at the gala are still buzzing faintly in her veins when she walks into her flat later that night with her heels in hand. While Loki was right in predicting that such events could get dull and repetitive, it’s still far from the worst afternoon she’s had. In fact, she has to admit that she enjoyed the last few hours. She didn’t care much for the people flashing their checkbooks, waiting for applause as they flaunted their allegedly innate philanthropy, but knowing that the money raised is being put towards research that could save lives is plenty comforting.

So, too, was seeing Loki in his element. While she’s dropped by the hospital once or twice to grab lunch with him, she’s never actually seen him in action. But with some of his patients in attendance today, she was able to see firsthand how caring he is towards them. She didn’t keep count, but she’s certain that not only did he know each and every one of their names off the top of his head, but also those of their parents. Further sweetening the deal was the fact that his colleagues are a kind and lively group, reminding her so much of the dynamic she had back when she worked with her friends at The Daily. But while Loki and his team could definitely throw down on the dance floor, she doubts they could dethrone a certain bunch somewhere in Midtown Manhattan. She smiles at the thought, and in spite of the nostalgia this day invoked in her, she’s grateful that she had decided to come along.

A door clicks closed just as she pads into her living room, and she looks to the side in time to see Steve emerge from the hallway. “Hey,” he says when he sees her, walking over to the lounger to pick up his coat. “You just missed her.”

“I’ll kiss her goodnight in a bit,” she says. “Did you two have a nice day?”

He nods, slipping his arms into the sleeves of his coat. “You?”

“I did,” she says. “It was nice to get a glimpse of what Loki does.” She smiles softly. “He and his coworkers… they reminded me of when we used to work at The Daily.”

“When you used to work at The Daily, you mean,” he says, his tone wry. “Because I still do.”

Her expression falls. “Okay, what is your problem?” she says, the words coming out more hotly than she’d intended, but what remorse she felt is immediately erased when he responds with a scoff. “You know what? Ever since yesterday you’ve been acting mercurial. If I did something, just tell me, because I haven’t a clue-”

“Oh, you haven’t a clue?” he spits out, chuckling humorlessly and prompting her to glare at him. “Sure, okay.”

“I haven’t!” she says, louder this time, and she pauses to collect herself as they both glance towards the hallway to make sure her outburst hadn’t roused Isabel. When they don’t hear anything, she turns back to him, her voice an octave lower. “But obviously you do, so why don’t you enlighten me?”

If the incredulous stare he gives her is supposed to be a clue, it goes right over her head, only bringing her frustration to a rolling boil. As she lets out an exasperated sigh, he shakes his head. “You know what? Forget it. I never should have come.”

“Are you kidding me?” she says as she follows him down the foyer. “You’re the one who asked to come here in the first place!”

“And now I’m saying it was a mistake,” he says, turning back to her. She takes a step back at that, her eyes narrowing. He sighs. “I’ll drop off Izzie’s gifts tomorrow so she can open it on Christmas morning… But the next time I’ll be back is to take her home to New York with me like we agreed in our contract.”

Her shoulders coil at his words, but as she looks at him to see his jaw set and his eyes anywhere else but on her, she can only give him a curt nod. “I think that’s for the best,” she says, her voice dangerously low.

Wordlessly, he turns away, making it out the door without another glance back at her. She watches as the door swings shut behind him, exhaling at the resounding click that follows as she stands frozen in place. It’s only when her vision blurs that she realizes her eyes have filled with tears, leaving a warm stream down her cheeks as they fall.

The scotch burns a hot stripe down Steve’s throat as he takes a generous sip and settles back against the couch, tipping his head back with a sigh. The mini bar had been the first place he had gone to when he arrived back at his hotel suite, hoping that what liquor he could find would distract him from his racing thoughts. And yet, in spite of the warmth he feels rushing to his cheeks, the reprieve he craves feels far from his grasp.

He messed up, that much he knows for certain. The words that had left his mouth as he stood in Natasha’s foyer were hurtful and unwarranted, and he’s felt ashamed of them from the moment the door slammed shut behind him. The pain that had flashed in her eyes when he had brought up their custody agreement – implying that their relationship was nothing more than a means to satisfy a legal document – haunts him, the image playing in his head on loop. He hadn’t meant to say it, hadn’t meant to treat her that way. But when she had brought up missing The Daily, as if she wasn’t the one who packed up and left, what little restraint he’d been holding onto since the previous night had dissipated faster than a candle burning in the wind.

Frustration overcomes him at the thought, and he brings a hand up to pinch to pinch the bridge of his nose as he mutters a curse. When he had arrived in London, he had been steadfast in his belief that what feelings he had for Natasha were long buried. That, the friendship they had built over the years was enough to get them through one Christmas together as co-parents. And for the most part, he thought he had been right. The days they spent together roaming the aquarium and decorating cookies were eerily reminiscent of the times they’d go from one gallery to another, exploring the boroughs as they went. But so, too, was the ease with which they just seemed to work effortlessly together, he realizes. When Isabel needed consoling, they didn’t need to utter a word to each other to know that whoever was not picking her up would be the one to run a comforting hand through her hair. Nor did they have to gesture for the other to grab the stroller when Isabel ran off or even ask the other what they wanted before they ordered drinks at a café. They just did it, without much thought, because on some innate level, they already knew.

He lets out a deep sigh as the problem dawns on him. Somewhere between them taking in the scenery and shaking their heads in amusement at their daughter’s antics, Natasha’s laugh had become music to his ears once again. The way her green eyes lit up with happiness as they recounted memories made his heart flip in ways it hadn’t in some time, and the content he felt when he had his arms around her at the bakery was something he hadn’t experienced since she and Isabel had moved away. Everything was all too familiar, and in just a few short days, all the work he had put into convincing himself that he was over her had been erased. But if he knows one thing about history, it’s that it can be a vicious cycle doomed to repeat itself, and as they made it back to Natasha’s flat yesterday, the man standing in her kitchen – buying her groceries and dotting on his daughter – was a reminder that once again, how he felt didn’t matter.

His heart clenches in his chest, and he nearly misses the coffee table as he sits up and all but slams his tumbler down on the glass. He reaches for his phone in his pocket, checking the time. It’s a little after eight in the evening in New York, and he pauses to cycle through the options in his contacts. He could call Sarah or Wanda, but he’s not certain he can handle hearing their disappointment right now. Tony would do, but knowing him, he’s probably holed up in his lab at this time, so he settles on the only other person he knows would never miss out on an opportunity to set him straight.

“Bucky’s Crisis Hotline,” Bucky says, picking up after the first two rings. “How may I divert your life catastrophe this evening?”

Despite his foul mood, Bucky’s greeting manages to elicit a dry chuckle from him. “Can’t someone just call his friend without needing help these days?”

“Cut the crap, punk,” Bucky says with a scoff. “You text me, sure. But when you call it’s usually because I need to bail you out of some dumbass decision you made. So, cut to the chase already because I’m making Chili.”

“At eight in the evening?” he challenges, letting out another chuckle when Bucky only reiterates the need to get on with it. Bucky could be brash, but he knows his best friend will never sugarcoat his words, which is why he’s seeking his counsel in this moment in the first place. As he sits up straighter, he begins to catch Bucky up on everything that has happened since he arrived and the facts that had dawned on him only moments ago. When he finishes retelling his fight with Natasha earlier this evening, he lets out a long and winded sigh. “I don’t know what to do, Buck.”

“Well, for starters, you can grow a pair and apologize to her,” Bucky says, plain and simple. “I mean, where do you get off saying things like that? You’re the one who asked to visit, remember? And from what I gather, you’re also the one that asked her to spend time with you and Izzie.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” he snaps, running a hand through his hair. “I messed up, Buck. I know that. But everything just happened so fast.”

“I get that,” Bucky says. “And I recognize how much that sucks. But Steve, the answer to your predicament isn’t acting like you’re a five-year-old who can’t use his words and then snapping at her all of a sudden because she can’t read your mind.”

His eyes fall shut. “I know,” he whispers. “Fuck, I know.”

“Natasha, the mother of your child and the woman you love, deserves better.”

“I never said love,” he says, swallowing the tightness in his throat.

“You didn’t have to, Captain Obvious,” Bucky says indignantly. “You know what? Hold up.” The line cuts off, but just as he pulls the phone away from his ear to see what had caused it, Bucky’s face flashes on his screen with an incoming FaceTime call. He taps the green button, and without missing a beat, Bucky goes on. “Can we just cut the bull here and now? All this time, I’ve held my tongue because I didn’t want to get all up on your business, but this is getting ridiculous.” Bucky lifts a brow at him. “You still love her. Hell, there was no amount of work you could have thrown yourself into these last couple of years that was going to change that.” Bucky narrows his eyes at him. “Tell me I’m wrong.” When he doesn’t respond, Bucky scoffs. “That’s what I thought. Steve, stop this pity party already and call her. Now. Apologize, and while you’re at it, fucking tell her the truth already so she knows you didn’t just lose your goddamn mind!”

“Why?” he presses. “What’s that going to do but make things worse? She’s moved on, and as much as I hate to say it, he seems like a really good guy.” He reaches for his tumbler to take another sip, his tone as bitter as the liquid he’s just swallowed down as he adds, “God knows my daughter just adores him.” As he looks back at the screen, he shakes his head. “It’s too late, Buck.”

“You know, for someone so smart, sometimes…” Bucky sighs, looking off to the side. “Look, if there’s anything you should have learned by now it’s that withholding the truth doesn’t make things better. If anything, it just festers until all you’re left with is resentment over what could have been.” He turns back to him, his expression serious. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe it is too late. But at the very least, you can give her all the facts and let her decide.”

Bucky’s words cause him to look down at his feet, his stomach twisting with dread as he’s reminded of another poignant time Natasha had made a decision. He remembers the morning so vividly, and as he thinks back to it, it really was the moment things began to go wrong. They’d been living together for weeks at that point, and it was the day after Natasha’s pregnancy was deemed no longer in peril. He recalls the smell of her shampoo as he woke up with his arms around her, and how bright her eyes were as she sneakily goaded him into making her waffles. As he made breakfast, it was as if his lips were permanently etched into a smile. Then and there, he had decided that this would be the day he would tell Natasha all he’d been waiting to say – how it stopped being about some contract they signed long ago, how much he wanted them to be a family, and most importantly, how much he loved her.

But then Sharon had showed up at his front door, and before he knew it, the sight of his ex-fiancée was all the motivation Natasha needed to decide that she no longer wanted him. It was that morning that cemented the idea that his feelings were a one-way street, further perpetuated by the custody agreement she’d served him shortly afterwards.

His voice is low as he looks back at Bucky. “What if I can’t?”

Bucky sighs just as a timer goes off behind him. “I have to go,” he says, his tone the softest it’s been since they began talking. “But Steve… the pain you’re feeling now? The pain you’ve been living with these past few years? It exists because you lost something that matters. But believe me when I say that nothing worth having ever comes easy. You want something, you’ll have to fight for it.” He shrugs. “But if you’re too afraid to do that, then… maybe it’s time to let her go.”

The words knock the breath right out of his lungs, but he manages a single nod. “Thanks, Buck.”

Another sigh escapes him as the video cuts off and he clutches his phone in one hand. Let her go. Those three little words echo in his mind as he bows his head. He thought he had. But here they are – him helplessly in love with her and her already moving on – and if this were a movie, he feels as if he’s already seen the ending. Back then, he had been too haunted by the emotional destruction of his past experiences that when things began to go South with him and Natasha, he couldn’t muster the courage to fight for her in fear of getting his heart decimated again. And now, with the possibility of that happening before him once more, he’s still uncertain if he can risk opening himself up to that pain.

Mindlessly, he begins to swipe through his camera feed and smiles when he passes a picture of Isabel beaming from ear to ear at the aquarium. As he thumbs over to the next one, he pauses. It’s the one their guide had taken of the three of them, and as his eyes scan over their matching smiles, he cannot help but note how happy they all look. In fact, he can’t remember the last time he himself looked this happy. It’s with that thought that he lets his mind wander back to the last few days. If he had to think of a recurring theme – from sharing a beer with Natasha to riding in the back of the cab back to her flat – it’s that it just simply felt right. In spite of all the time that had passed and all the circumstances that had led them there, nothing has ever felt more fitting than the three of them together, as a family.

Family.

The word hits him like a freight train, bringing with it a sobering clarity. Perhaps this is what Bucky meant about the things that matter having the highest stakes. The thought is downright terrifying, putting all the defense and coping mechanisms he’s built to avoid this exact hurt on edge. But regardless, it occurs to him that if there’s anything worth sticking his neck out for, if there’s one thing he should risk yet another broken heart for, it’s for Natasha and Isabel – his family.

Before he can give it another thought, his fingers are already scrolling through his contacts again, searching for Natasha’s name. He taps down on it, bringing his phone to his ear and holding his breath as it rings once, twice.

“Hello?” he hears Natasha say, her voice raspy.

“Hi,” he says, and as he catches sight of the clock on the bedside table, he silently chastises himself when the numbers read two a.m. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“You didn’t,” she says, but in spite of that information, he finds that it doesn’t bring him any absolution. Moments pass – seconds, maybe more – but eventually, she lets out a sigh. “I don’t want to fight, Steve.”

“Neither do I,” he assures her. “I called because I couldn’t wait ‘til morning to apologize. I’m so sorry, Nat. I was a jerk. I didn’t mean a single word I said. Not one.”

“Then what did you mean?” she asks, not a trace of malice in her tone.

“I… there’s so much I want to say,” he admits. “So much I have to say. And I know I owe you an explanation right now, but this isn’t something I want to say over the phone.” He sighs. “Is there… is there any way I can come by tomorrow morning? Can we talk then?”

“I have to prepare for Christmas Eve,” she says, but just as his shoulders begin to sag with disappointment, she adds, “but maybe you can come by the party and we can talk after?”

He blinks, confused. “Nat, I- I was so terrible to you.”

“You were,” she says, and he notes that those two words hurt more than anything he’s heard tonight. “But I’m choosing to believe that underneath everything that’s going on… the man I know is still in there somewhere.”

His eyes close at that, and he takes in a breath. “He is, Nat,” he says. “He is. I promise.”

“Good,” she says, her tone more buoyant this time. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Okay,” he says, his chest feeling the lightest it’s been in days. “Thank you, Nat.”

“Goodnight, Steve.”

“Isabel.”

At the pointed mention of her name, Isabel looks back, an innocent smile tugging at her lips. “Kenny cane!”

“You’re right,” Steve says, rising from his seat and walking to where she’s standing on the couch with a hand still extended towards the ornaments hanging higher up on the Christmas tree. “That is a candy cane.” In spite of the little whine Isabel lets out as he lifts her up, he collects her into his arms, setting her on his hip. “But you can’t be climbing up the couch, sweetheart. You could hurt yourself.”

Isabel only stares up at him from underneath the fan of her lashes, jutting her bottom lip out in a pout. “Pwease?”

He lets out a chuckle. Trying to feign adamancy when she’s dressed like The Elf on the Shelf is truly a losing battle – but even so, he stands his ground. “Nice try,” he says, kissing her temple, “but safety first.”

“Now that’s an ironclad will if I ever saw one,” he hears someone say, and he turns to see T’Challa smiling at them from his seat at the dining table.

“To be honest, we weren’t sure you were going to survive the puppy dog eyes,” Nakia adds from where she sits next to T’Challa. “But the pout, too? Bravo, Dad.”

“I’m not going to lie,” he says as he makes his way back to them, “I thought I was a goner, too.” He returns to his vacated seat, situating Isabel, who goes back to the crayons she abandoned in lieu of sneaking off to the tree, in his lap. “But unless you never want to have furniture over a foot high ever again, sometimes you’re going to have to make the sacrifice play no matter how cute the distraction techniques get.” He nods towards Nakia’s protruding belly, smiling when T’Challa reaches over to put a hand over her bump. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

“Don’t give him too much credit though,” Natasha chimes in from across the table, a smirk on her face as she shoots him a knowing look. “Sometimes all she needs to do is bat her eyelashes to get her way with him.”

“Oh, cut the man some slack,” Loki says, his fingers around the stem of his Martini glass. “Those baby blues of hers are plenty compelling and you know it. If none of us stand a chance against her charms, what more her own father?”

“Thank you,” he says, grinning smugly at Natasha when Loki tips his glass towards him in response.

To say that he was thrilled when he arrived at Natasha’s flat this evening to see Loki already there helping her in the kitchen would be a flat out lie. In fact, there was a part of him that felt a touch blindsided in spite of Natasha telling him that she was having a few people over. But as a symbol of his contrition for his actions the previous day, he’d decided to put his feelings aside as he accepted Loki’s offer for a beer. And while conversing with Loki was low on the list of things he wanted to do, he has to admit that the more he’s learned about him, the harder he is to dislike. The man is well-spoken, insightful, and even shares his love for art history. He saves children for a living but isn’t boastful about it, and, though it pains him to accept it, he really does seem to care about Natasha and Isabel.

The same goes for T’Challa and Nakia, both of whom he’s found to be extremely kind, and their dedication to shedding light on global injustices through their work with Natasha at The Pioneer truly inspirational. He’s enjoyed getting to know them this evening, and it’s easy to see why Natasha is drawn to them. For all his worries about spending Christmas Eve here, he notes that he’s glad he’s met the people who have become Natasha’s support system since moving to London.

The sound of Natasha’s laughter prompts him to look her way, and he nuzzles the top of Isabel’s head to hide his smile when he catches her with a hand over her chest as she and Nakia poke fun at T’Challa. Her hair’s the longest he’s ever seen it, cascading down her shoulders in soft, scarlet waves, and he realizes that in the last few days, he’s been so caught up in finding things about her that have remained the same over the last six months that he’s overlooked everything new. More than her hair, there’s her festively decorated flat, and as he looks around the room to see the garlands and the ribbons and the holly scattered around – providing pops of green, gold, and red everywhere – he’s stunned at how far a cry it is from the spartan apartment she had when they first met. But such is the case, he supposes, when you have a daughter to indoctrinate into the holiday festivities and when your home becomes more than just a place to crash between travel assignments as a young journalist.

There’s also the fact that she’s cooking. She had hated the task so much in the past that he was certain it was her mission to order from every restaurant in Manhattan just to avoid it. And now, not only is she cooking up a storm, but such is her confidence that she’s sitting back enjoying a glass of wine while the feast she’s prepared finishes up in the oven. He’s not sure what had led to these changes, but if the sparkle in her eyes is anything to go by, he has to say he’s rather thankful for it. There are many things they are yet to discuss, and though he does not know how their talk might end later, one thing he knows is that he wants nothing more than for her to remain as happy as she looks in this moment.

A timer buzzes, and he blinks to see Natasha pushing her chair back. “That’ll be the roast.”

“Do you need help?” he asks, looking hopefully up at her.

“No, we’ve got it,” she says, smiling at him just as Loki rises next to her. “Just sit back and relax.”

“Oh, okay,” he says, watching the both of them walk away and finding himself thankful when Isabel tugs on the sleeve of his sweater, seeking attention and successfully making him look away from the hand Loki has on the small of Natasha’s back.

When he had learned that Natasha had taken up cooking the other day at the park, he was surprised, but that’s nothing compared to the awe he feels now as he stares at the elaborate spread on the table before him. Between the perfectly cooked Prime Rib and the plethora of scrumptious sides, it’s clear that not only has she learned her way around the kitchen, but that she’s also become some sort of master chef in her own right. And, judging by the delighted faces around the table, he knows he’s not the only one who thinks so.

“Natasha, this meal is out of this world,” Nakia says, to which everyone hums in agreement.

“It’s absolutely delightful,” Loki concurs.

Natasha beams shyly, wiping the corner of her mouth with a napkin. “Well, thank you,” she says. “Admittedly, you guys are my guinea pigs tonight since this is the first full meal I’ve prepared for a group.” Everyone sings her their praises, and it’s not until she’s playfully pointing her knife at him that he realizes he’s grinning. “Not a peep, Rogers.”

“I haven’t said a thing!” he says, chuckling.

“But you were thinking it,” she challenges with a smile before addressing the confused looks around them. “Before I moved here, my cooking repertoire consisted of toast and scrambled eggs. But even then, there were some mishaps.”

“And what say you of her culinary prowess now, Steve?” T’Challa asks, arching a teasing brow at him.

“It’s great,” he says, his eyes never leaving Natasha’s as he shrugs a shoulder. “But so is everything she puts her mind to, so I shouldn’t really be surprised.”

Slowly, Natasha’s lips quirk up. “Does that mean my gravy is better than yours?”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far…” he says, causing her to narrow her eyes at him and he just laughs as he goes back to trying to feed Isabel a forkful of mashed potatoes.

“Let’s not start a gravy war on Christmas Eve, yes?” Nakia says, eliciting laughter from around the table. “Steve, Natasha mentioned that you were working on a gallery extension in California. How’s that coming along?”

“It’s progressing, finally,” he says, sighing when Isabel turns her head, muttering a no for the third time in a row. He turns apologetically to Nakia, who only shoots him an understanding smile. “Sorry-”

“Let me try,” Natasha interjects softly from across the table, gesturing to Isabel to come over.

With a nod, he puts Isabel down, keeping an eye on her as she walks to the other side of the table. “As I was saying, it’s finally progressing in that we’ve gotten around the red tape and the building is ours for Tony to reconstruct as he pleases. Pepper’s really worked her magic at greasing the wheels of bureaucracy.”

“Is there a thing Pepper Potts can’t pull off?” he hears T’Challa ask, a hint of pride in his voice.

“There really isn’t,” Natasha chimes in with a chuckle, but he’s only partly listening as he watches Isabel walk over to Loki instead. Natasha turns to Isabel, sighing. “Izzie, no. Don’t disturb Loki while he’s eating.”

“That’s alright,” Loki tells Natasha as he picks Isabel up and places her on his lap. “Come here, angel.”

“Steve?”

“Hmm?” he says, turning to see Nakia looking expectantly at him. He shakes his head. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

Nakia smiles. “I was just asking if you think the new gallery will be open in the next few months.”

“Oh, uh…” he says, his gaze falling to Loki and Isabel once more just as Loki successfully gets Isabel to take a bite from his fork. He looks back at Nakia. “We um… we already finished signing all the artists we discovered to contracts granting us exclusive rights to showcase their work, so I believe we will be open soon. March at the latest if the construction goes as planned.”

“Oh, how wonderful,” Nakia says.

T’Challa turns to her. “Perhaps we’ll be able to visit before you’re no longer able to fly, my love.”

“Maybe we can all plan a trip,” Loki adds, causing his eyes to dart to him in time to see Isabel move off his lap. Loki turns to Natasha, smiling. “We do enjoy roaming around galleries, don’t we, Nat?”

If Natasha had said anything in response, he doesn’t hear it as the words tumble out of his mouth before he can give them much thought. “Galleries were our thing.”

Natasha’s eyes are wide as she looks his way, her lips parting, but before she can utter a word, she’s interrupted by a crash. Her head whips in the direction of the living room. “Izzie!”

Isabel’s subsequent wail has him pushing his chair back in an instant, and as he follows Natasha, they rush into the living room and towards the Christmas tree. Natasha is the first to get to Isabel, who’s still crying on the ground with the candy cane ornament clutched in her hand, and his heart drops when he sees the blood gushing from her brow.

“Izzie, baby,” he says, kneeling next to Natasha, who reaches for the box of tissues on the coffee table. “It’s gonna be okay, fig. Momma and Daddy are here.”

“Use this instead,” Loki says, suddenly appearing between him and Natasha and handing Natasha a gauze pad. “Just keep applying pressure.” Loki shifts, turning to him as he tries to get more space to get closer to Isabel. “Move aside, please.”

“I’ve got this,” he says through gritted teeth, refusing to budge.

Loki’s brows furrow. “Steve-”

“I said I’ve got this!” he repeats more forcefully this time. Vaguely, he hears Natasha call out his name in admonishment, but he ignores her as he glares at Loki. “I’m her father, not you.”

“And between the both of us, I’m the one with the M.D.,” Loki retorts heatedly. “So, we can either sit here and argue or you can move aside and let me treat your daughter.” He juts his chin out. “Your call, dad.”

Perhaps it’s the way Loki’s eyes flash with urgency, or the way Isabel’s cries only seem to intensify with every passing second. But before he knows it, he’s moving aside, defeated.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 5

#Romanogers #After All #A Little Favor #natrogers #natrogersfics #AU #fanfic #Steve Rogers #Natasha Romanoff

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bytheangell · 3 years ago

Text

What Died Didn’t Stay Dead

(s02e20 inspired fic) (Read on AO3)

Everything’s fine. Everything’s great. Perfect, even. They won. They’re alive. They’re goddamn heroes.

Jace repeats those phrases over and over and over again. To Alec and Isabelle, to Clary, hell, even to himself. Everything is fine because it has to be fine. He has to be fine.

Except he isn’t.

Because when Jace died, he didn’t just fade away into nothingness: he went to Heaven. He died, and his soul went to Heaven, and he knows it was Heaven the way you know there’s air in your lungs and blood in your veins - it’s simply a part of you, a serenity and calm he’d never come close to imagining, suddenly his reality. Jace found himself existing in a state of pure bliss, as if every weight, every burden was lifted from him at once. He’d never felt so light, so free…

And then it all came crashing down and he woke back up on the dirty ground of Lake Lyn’s shoreline. And Clary… Clary was just so goddamn happy to see him alive, and Alec and Izzy’s relief was practically palpable, so he couldn’t tell them. He still can’t. And he knows he shouldn’t be upset with Clary but he can’t help it, because he knows what he was pulled back from and now everything feels wrong, and he’s afraid that he’ll never feel whole again.

He doesn’t know what’s wrong specifically, just that something is wrong. He can feel it in his soul, in the very blood that runs through his veins. But what is he supposed to tell Clary when she asks? ‘Hey, thanks for saving my life, but I think I came back broken?’ And that isn’t even the worst of it. He tries not to think about it, about the real reason he might be feeling this disconnect, but it isn’t exactly something he can forget. If he’s really being honest, with himself and with Clary, what he should say is ‘Thanks for saving me, but all you did was tear me away from the only peace I’ve ever known.’

Over and over in his nightmares, he feels that peace ripped away from him and he’s forced to relive the loss of it. And when it isn’t that, he sees Clary held in place and about to be executed by Circle members, or he sees the face of his father as he plunged his blade into Jace’s chest, complete with the sharp, burning pain of the fatal wound.

Because it was fatal. He died. For however long it took for Clary to kill Valentine and make her own wish, his heart had stopped and his soul had left his body. Alec felt the pain of it, he saw the proof of what really happened when their rune faded from his side as the connection severed. Alec knows, but Jace avoids talking about it because he can’t tell him the truth, not now, not ever.

“Maybe my heart stopped for a second, or my body went into shock. I dunno, I’m not a doctor,” Jace tries to reason the vanishing rune away with bullshit excuses that Alec doesn’t buy, but his parabatai does drop the topic after a while.

But not Clary. Clary just won’t let it go.

On some level, Jace is aware that it’s not right to force Clary to keep the wish a secret. He tells her that it’s for her own good, and that isn’t a lie because if the Clave ever found out then he didn’t want to think about what they might do to her for using the wish, and what they might do to him as someone unnaturally brought back from the dead. He’s trying to protect her, but he’s trying to protect himself just as much, and that’s the part he doesn’t share with her. Because he can’t talk about it, or else he’ll eventually have to talk about what really happened when he died.

Except all Clary wants to do is talk about it with him, because he’s the only one she can talk to since he forbade her from telling anyone else, even Alec and Izzy. Every time he leaves a room suddenly to hide the physical discomfort and sometimes pain he feels just from existing again, every night he wakes up crying out in his sleep after tossing and turning, Clary tries to get him to open up. When he grows distant and detached Clary only gets more insistent, until one day he snaps.

“WHY WON’T YOU JUST FUCKING DROP IT?”

Clary looks started for a second but recovers quickly. “Because there’s something you’re not telling me! We’re the only people who know what happened, which means if something’s wrong, I’m the only one who can help you! So let me help you, Jace!”

“You can’t help me, Clary! You’re the reason I feel like this!”

The second the words leave his lips Jace wants nothing more than to take them back. Hurt flashes across Clary’s face, mixing with the confusion from before.

“What do you mean? Did I… did I do something wrong?”

The quiet words Jace whispers next stand in stark contrast to his previous shouts.

“You brought me back.” Jace wishes it were that simple and he could just leave it at that. But he’s opened the floodgates now and there’s no stopping this conversation. A part of him doesn’t want to stop, either, eager to finally get everything out from where it’s been festering inside of him, poorly buried under lies and distractions. “I was happy. I felt… complete. Like I’d done everything I was meant to do, and this peace was my reward. I was in Heaven, Clary. And then I was back here.”

Clary doesn’t speak for a very long time.

“I just wanted to save you,” she says quietly.

“I know,” Jace says, but the words come out bitter and far from understanding. “And you used a wish meant to benefit all of humanity to do it - to save me from a place I didn’t want to be saved from.”

Jace can practically see his words sinking in as the expression on Clary’s face morphs from hurt to muted horror. When she doesn’t reply Jace just keeps talking, the words tumbling out with nothing left to stop them.

“We’re Nephilim. We’re meant to die in battle, it’s what we do! Sometimes I forget how far removed you are from everything we stand for… how obvious it is you weren’t raised a Shadowhunter. Because you don’t feel guilty for what you did at all, do you?”

This time Clary only shies away from the accusation for a moment before doubling down and growing defensive. “Of course not! I love you, Jace! I had a chance to bring you back and I took it. Maybe Nephilim are used to dying in battle, but that wasn’t a battle. That wasn’t some greater cause to martyr yourself for, and you didn’t deserve to die like that!” Clary’s voice shakes a little but she remains resolved, and under any other circumstance, it’d be that typical Clary Fray stubbornness that Jace usually finds endearing. Now, it only serves to push him that last step off the ledge of frustration he’s been building up since that night.

“Maybe I did! Maybe that was my cause, my purpose, did you ever think about that? I sure as hell don’t deserve to be alive at the cost of The Angel’s wish, and now I’m the only one living with that guilt because all you care about is yourself and that you got what you wanted!”

“I care about you!” Clary shoots back. “I’m… Jace, I’m so sorry. If I’d known, known where you went… I didn’t think-”

“You never do,” Jace says, shaking his head. “That’s the problem.”

The charged emotions shift to something softer, something decidedly more sad than angry.

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lash out like that. I didn’t tell you because I know your heart was in the right place. I just thought I could hide it better - or longer, until it didn’t feel so…” he trails off, not wanting to put words to that numb sense of longing he feels inside. The wrongness of it all. He knows Clary feels bad enough already without all of that, too, if she hasn’t pieced it together already.

“How do I fix this?” Clary asks. “Just tell me what to do. Because you’re right - I saved you because I didn’t want to lose you, and I still don’t. I can’t lose you now, not like this. So tell me how to fix this.” Clary pauses, the hands previously on her hips dropping to her side in defeat as tears well up in her eyes before spilling over with every blink to trail down her cheeks. “Tell me how to fix us.”

“I don’t think you can,” he admits, swallowing the lump in his throat that threatens to stop the words entirely. He doesn’t cry, though. “I think I just need some time.”

Clary opens her mouth to immediately protest. Jace watches her slowly force it closed again, hands clenching into fists at her side as she takes a deep breath before speaking. “Alright. Whatever you need.”

He can tell she only half-means it, that it’s the last thing she actually wants to do, but the fact that she’s willing to do it anyway is a good sign that she can see how serious he is.

“You really never planned on telling me, did you?” Clary frowns.

“No,” Jace admits since they’re well past the point of lying to spare feelings now. “Because I knew you’d feel bad and want to try and fix it.”

“Of course I want to fix it!”

“But you can’t. There’s no undoing this, I just have to take some time to figure out how to live with it.”

“Okay. Okay, fine. But promise me,” Clary says, reaching out to take his hands in her own. “Promise me you aren’t going to keep me out forever. Promise me if there’s anything I can do, even if it’s just to be there with you, you’ll tell me.” She gives his hands a squeeze, the tears returning to her eyes. “Promise me you’ll be okay at the end of all this.”

Jace nods. He wants, more than anything, to believe in a future where he adjusts and settles back into the life he’s always known, with no unsettling feeling that something is wrong, with the belief that he was always meant to be here still. He wants to believe in a perfect future with Clary by his side, raising kids they put through the Academy and teach everything they know. He wants to believe that there’s an ‘okay’ at the end of this for him - for both of them - even if he can’t imagine it now.

It feels like an impossible promise to make at the moment, but he makes it anyway because he thinks it’s one they both need to believe in.

“I promise.”

He hopes more than anything that it’s a promise he can keep.

#jace herondale #clary fray #shadowhunters #clace #inspired by Em posing the hypothetical 'what if Jace went to heaven and was pulled back the way Buffy was'#and of course i ran with the angst #and this wraps up my s2 codas!#long post #elle writes a few deadbeat lines

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kinkymagnus · 4 years ago

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twi malec’s wedding tho................... imagine like. god . fuck. it’s so sweet and they’re just so in love and like. their respective families (found family mostly, ofc) are so happy for them, and like. them dancing, taking turns dipping each other and like. alec spinning magnus around to make him laugh and them doing both like. more slow and intimate dances with them just wrapped up in each other’s arms, and more silly open and fast dances, laughing together and spinning around and just having fun...... both of them just. so overjoyed and kinda like. the happy disbelief has sort of worn off but that lingering this is really happening, we’re married, he’s my husband, i’m so happy, the future is bright, our future is bright, i never thought i’d have this is there. and like. again, this is twi, so like. twi magnus, so closed off, so isolated, now laughing openly, his hair grown out a little for the first time in a long time, wearing clothes that are like. it’s not that he’s just magically swapped to canon magnus, but they’re more gnc than we saw in the twi episode, although maybe not necessarily the same as canon magnus’s style, and he’s got his mother’s favorite flower in his hair and he just feels beautiful, and free to be himself and loved. and twi alec, who seemed kind of the hookups type (not that that’s a bad thing by any means) like. having this complete devotion to magnus, finally finding someone who he truly loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with (again, not that casual sex is bad or lesser, but lbr, both of them are romantics at heart and he Wanted that true love, you know?) and like...... them cutting the cake together and being dorks and feeding each other a bite (alec definitely accidentally smashes some against magnus’s cheek a little, not like, a lot, but enough to make magnus laugh and seeing him like this--laughing loudly, openly, unrestrainedly, not just the polite quiet little chuckle or the very restrained giggle bursting out of him, is so beautiful, and alec’s so happy that magnus is open enough for that now, that he trusts alec and feels safe with everyone here) and like them saying their vows and 100 percent crying bc they’re just so in love and they each have a whole ass monologue about it and their respective [best men/maids of honor? izzy would be alec’s but magnus’s could be catarina, raphael, or ragnor, tbh] teasing them in their speeches while they sit at the table together and laugh and like. admittedly i don’t much about it but also like!! incorporating their cultures into it, too!! and i imagine the actual ceremony would be pretty small and intimate with their closest friends, and then like. big party afterwards that everyone’s invited to and like. to be clear while twi magnus is more withdrawn like. alec knows how to plan a party (and magnus helps obviously, it’s not all alec despite that being Literally His Specialty in this verse, but they’re partners and do this together, and besides, magnus has had his own experiences) and like. it’s a big party but it’s still people they like and all, and magnus honestly has a lot of fun? they both do, but like, it’s kind of a given twi alec would enjoy a big party, so.... anyway the point is TWI MALEC GETTING MARRIED and just the wedding....... the photos are all just like. they look so happy and in love in all of them they put them all in an album and it’s just like.....god theyre so in love

#this is not about book m*lec i'll fill your underwear drawer with sand

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momowoah · 4 years ago

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GREY'S ANATOMY 17x09 SPOILERS

I didn't actually write this post before yesterday's episode, but I'm trying to remember my thoughts and it doesn't hurt tro pretend. This post completely ignores everything that happens in "In My Life"

So, I hated Owen Hunt by the start of the week, but the amount of posts and comments hating on Teddy I saw made me realize the feeling of seeing your favorite character being hated on is awful and I don't want to make someone else feel like that (part of the reason why I deleted all my posts hating on him). Also, for the past week, I've realized that Owen Hunt a really good character until he does something that makes me hate him.

First of all, I'm the first to say that people shouldn't hate Teddy for doing something everyone else did in this show, so it doesn't make any sense for me to hate Owen for this too. This prompted me to try to actually list what I hate or like about him.

Skip the following list if you don't want to see Owen being criticized (I tried my best to focus on certain caracteristics and situations and not on him as a whole, so even if you like him you may agree with some things I said. All Grey's Anatomy characters have messed up sometimes, and I don't hate them for that. This was me trying to understand Owen).

I hate that he married Cristina when she was vulnerable. It didn't help Cristina, it allowed her to avoid the trauma. As someone who is in a situation similar to her, all it did for me was make the trauma worse and last longer, so I can't see it doing any good for her. Given that Owen had PTSD himself, I don't understand why he thought he should do that. He knew it was a bad idea. On that topic, I really wished he didn't quit theraphy. If he learned to deal with his own stuff, many of the events that made me dislike him would never have happened.

I hate the fact that he is pro-life and the way he treats Cristina after her abortion. The way he screams at her in front of all their friends is horrible. The fact that he also screamed at a patient who wanted an abortion also doesn't make me like him any more (I don't really remember this situation, though, so I can't use it as a reason). I know he did so because he wanted kids, but he knew Cristina didn't and I can't see why he wanted her to be the one to change while calling her selfish at the same time.

I hate the fact that he was relieved when he thought Cristina had died.

I hate his reaction to his mother getting a younger boyfriend. I understand his thoughts and I know he didn't want to hurt her, but it was mean to tell her a guy like that could never love her. I can't imagine saying something like that to someone so close to me.

I hate the way he treats Amelia sometimes. The image of her he has is completely different from reality. I don't remember much from Omelia, but I do remember he always hurt her when they argued and told her awful things. The way he handled her addiction was also really bad.

I hate the way he treated Teddy as a second thought.

I hate that he laughed at Teddy's face and called her a liar as soon as she came out (I also dislike the way Grey's handled Teddy's sexuality but anyways). Considering Owen was probably the first person to know Teddy was bi (Claire did too but Teddy never told her so it's different), it must have been horrible. If it was me in that situation, I would never talk to him again. This is the kind of thing that can end friendships in a second.

Now, let's see what I do like about Owen.

I love his relationship with Cristina before they married. His character was truly amazing in seasons 5-6. I loved seeing his adaptation to Seattle Grace (Mercy West) and his struggle with his PTSD. I really miss the times he was like that.

I love the episode "Suicide is Painless" in season 6 (it's actually my favorite GA episode, might be In My Life now though). It was focused on Hunt, but also on Teddy. I love their friendship in the early seasons so much, and I think they deserve to be on the list of friendships GA ruined by turning into couples (along with George and Izzie). I like the og love triangle though.

I love his time as chief. He was always looking for the wellbeing of his staff, and I hate that he ended up blaming himself for the crash. I loved him on the baseball episode (the way he hired Henry only for the game was hilarious). That scene of him punching a guy? Amazing. I kinda wanted him and Derek to get in a fight at some point because I wondered how it would go.

I love some parts of his relationship with Amelia. The scene he told her to use him? Amazing. They were a really great couple when they weren't bad, and I kinda want them to end up together or at least try again (Link ran away twice already and I think he will eventually run away for real). I love some of their scenes together.

Asides from the times I hate him (or when he's saying bad things about characters I love), I tend to like him. He's not bad at all.

I think divorcing Cristina was the best thing he ever did. Their relatonship got a lot better without the pressure of a future, and he never tried to paint himself as the good guy even though he was divorcing her so she could get what she deserved. I'm really glad he did that.

I ended up realizing I like Owen more than I disliked him, even if I really hate some things he did. I still don't like Towen, especially because I loved their friendship, but I think I could accept it if the situation changes, especially after he noticed how hurt she was and picked her up while everyone else ignored Teddy.

After watching 17x09

I swear I tried to like Owen. Really did. But the fact that he OUTED Teddy to Amelia makes all the hate come back in a second. Really am sorry. I hope he'll get better one day.

#owen hunt #teddy altman #grey's anatomy #greys anatomy #greys anatomy spoilers #cristina yang #amelia shepherd

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officially-multi-fandom · 4 years ago

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||Tangled Hearts|| three

Joe Mazzello x Fem!reader Tangled A.U.

Warnings : hints of abusive relationships, hints of a bad childhood

Taglist : @mazzell-ro // @speciallyred // @mistiermistshazierdays // @somarsword // @lizgarxo //

taglist is open!

~~~~

series masterlist || main masterlist

~~~~

(Y/N) didn't know Tim. She didn't know him in the slightest. Why was she trusting him to let her out of this dungeon she grew to call her home?

The answer would have been easy, that he was her only hope. And to some extent, he was. She loved adventures even though she hadn't been on one, not one she could remember, anyway. But after meeting him and serving him some leftover soup (while he awkwardly stood in the corner of the kitchen, rubbing his sore shoulders), she realized how desperate she was. She didn't know who he was, but yet he would be more trustable than her mother.

She was doubtful, of course. What if people like him were the reason her mother locked her up? Were people like him the reason that daughters couldn't sleep at night? Were people like him the reason that people would be deemed as "kind" since the bar seemed so low? She didn't know. But she didn't have anything to lose, and if anything were to happen, then she would finally get a chance to show off her impeccable skill of injuring people with only a frying pan.

She was snapped out of her reverie from a loud sigh at the other end of the table. She saw Tim stretching his arms over his head leisurely, a yawn escaping his lips.

"Well, that was one of the most amazing soups I've had, so thank you for that," he said, his awkwardness from earlier seemed to have gone, or maybe he was just masking it well.

She nodded, and a small "You're welcome" was said. Her mother may have been a monster, but that didn't stop her from teaching the young girl some manners.

Her eyes didn't leave him, neither did his. She did not know what he was thinking, and she didn't want to know. She didn't know how people worked, never having met a person other than her unstable mother. The only person she knew was herself, but can you honestly say that you know yourself if you haven't met company that brings out other parts of you?

She wondered what his life was like. Was he trapped, was he being "protected" from the evils of the world—or was he a free wanderer?

She didn't know how long she stared at him, but then again he was allowing her to stare at him. "Right, so I will be asking for payback, as I said," she started. He nodded, taking a deep breath. "We should go u-"

"I don't get your deal," he blurted.

"My deal?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes, why were you acting so weird about money? And why are you in this tower in the middle of nowhere? Are you a witch?" he asked.

His last sentence was meant to be a joke, and she noticed it as one but she didn't laugh. She didn't want to show any emotions, fearing she would be deemed as weak.

"Well," she started, taking a deep breath herself. Should she really be telling all of this to a person she just met?

Well, too late now.

"My mother doesn't trust anyone and I think that sort of projected on me. So she gave birth to me and hid me here so I wouldn't be attacked or manipulated. And that's also why I want to go to The Outside and see what she's hiding me from. It can't be that bad right? I see the birds chirping from my window and the grass under the tower every day and it kills me that I can't feel it," she ranted, her hands flinging wildly.

Yes, she wasn't telling him the whole picture, how she would say things to her if she didn't sing the song. And yes, she was also hiding from him the fact that she was born bearing magic.

Seeing that her rant was over, Tim tilted his head. "That's a pretty cool origin story if you ask me," he said, once again trying to make her laugh. He was good at trying, she noticed. Giving in, she laughed a bit, not really getting the joke.

She looked at him again, but this time he was smiling widely, proud of his accomplishment. She felt butterflies in the pit of her stomach, or something like that; she had only read this feeling in books after all.

Too oblivious to notice anything else, she smiled back at him, now giving him the advantage of knowing her better. She figured since she was going to go on an adventure with him, she might as well show him some of her soft side.

He stood up, dragging his chair backward in the process. She looked up at him, now standing up as well. "Shall we go to the outside then, m'lady?" he asked, the smile still on his face.

She nodded, but seeing him head towards the main door, said, "Oh no, that's always locked. I have a rope upstairs though."

He had a wild look in his eyes. "W-we're going to slide down a rope?" he asked.

"Well, yeah, there's no other option, really," she said, pointing to his now broken arrows.

He nodded in affirmation although he still seemed nervous.

Seeing him like this made her pity him, so she held his hand in hers, rubbing what she hoped to be comforting circles on the back of his surprisingly warm hand. She didn't know this only made his heartbeat race up ten times faster, she didn't look at his face as his eyes blew wide open. She just smiled slightly and said, "It's okay, I'm sure nothing bad will happen."

She read people doing this in books. She got all of her "people knowledge" from books.

She let go of his hand, walking towards the stairs, silently telling Tim to follow.

She also didn't see the slightly disappointed look he had when she let go.

"Are you sure this is strong enough?" he asked her, genuinely terrified of this too-thin rope.

She nodded quite assuringly, though he wasn't convinced. "Are you scared of heights?" she asked. Her look wasn't of a person trying to tease him, just a genuine question. She probably wouldn't even know what teasing was, he thought.

So he nodded, trying not to let his heartbeat be audible to her. "Well, aren't you afraid of something?" he asked.

"Not really, I haven't experienced anything to be afraid of it," she said, though she did seem a little uncertain. He decided not to pry.

He made a silent promise in his head that he would give her anything if it meant she wouldn't be afraid.

He didn't really want to do this, though. He did not want to take a random girl somewhere to see the "world", or a small part of it, anyway.

But, she helped him so it was only polite to help her too. And besides, if he wanted to, he could just hand her over to some other people and get rid of yet another responsibility in his life.

He also didn't want to address his feelings.

He slowly looked down from her window, still scared. He took in a huge breath and before he could let it out, he heard her whisper, "Do you want to go first?"

Without thinking, he blurted out a "yes." He mentally berated himself for doing this, guessing spontaneity was probably another thing he carried from his childhood.

He didn't even register the fact that (Y/N) was rubbing circles on his back, as his breathing returned to somewhat normal.

He reached out for the rope, gripping it tightly as he slowly climbed out of the window.

One by one, he dragged his feet down, then his hands, then his feet and so on, only concentrating on his breathing, only looking up at the skies and (Y/N)'s head peeking from the window, and soon enough he could feel the small stream flowing below, as he looked down. Only one more step and he could jump and land on the soft, plush grass.

And he did.

He could also hear (Y/N) cheer for him from above, and even though her voice was faint, her excitement was visible.

He smiled widely, pumping his fists above him. He looked up and waved her to climb down as well, and even though only her silhouette was visible, he could imagine her nodding.

He stepped aside and soon enough she dragged herself down the same way he did, though her eyes were glued to the ground. She was barefoot, he realized, and made a mental note to buy her good shoes, if he could afford it from his bit of money he had in his bag.

She stayed there, gripping the rope, her knuckles white, as she stared at the ground that was now close to her. He didn't realize how much this meant to her.

Her foot touched the cool grass as he held his breath.

A wide smile emerged on her face, so wide that he could barely see her eyes, but if he could, he was pretty sure they were sparkling. Her smile was contagious, he found himself smiling as well.

Her other foot slowly touched the ground as well, as she looked around her, seeing the beautiful world, and him.

~~~

sorry for the extremely late updates, school and other things are weighing down at the moment, but I hope you guys like it!!

also for those of you who have requested us anything, we're so sorry for coming up so late with the fics, we promise we'll try to make up for our absense.

also a huge thank you to @mazzell-ro for helping me!!! thank you, from the bottom of my heart <3

-izzy

#joe mazzello #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello fanfiction #fluff #bohemian rhapsody #gwilym lee #ben hardy #fanfiction #lucy boynton #rami malek #joe mazzello x fem!reader #tangled a.u.#izzy's writing

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toomanytakennamesagh · 4 years ago

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(A very detailed) TMI Hogwarts AU

Cuz it’s been stuck in my head and I don’t have the time, patience, or talent to write an actual fic

This is part 1

Clary’s the quintessential Gryffindor- Good, brave, willing to fight and do anything for her friends, ridiculously impulsive and stubborn

Simon’s Gryffindor

Isabelle’s Gryffindor

Jace’s Gryffindor- It was a tie between that or Slytherin

Alec’s a definite Hufflepuff

Y’know what Imma put Magnus in Ravenclaw. He’s a witty dude, clever, super wise. Does really well in exams even though the teachers see him mostly chatting or distracted in class.

So yeah Jocelyn ran away. She found Luke, who helped her find a job and a life in the small town he lived in.

She did not try to find a way to suppress Clary’s magic when it did show up. Mostly she just put up a bunch of wards and booby trapped parts of their house, keeping secret Portkey’s in random locations.

And because I hate it when parents keep a super important secret from their kids, and it’d be hard to explain away the weird stuff that happens around her, Clary grows up knowing about her magical heritage. She’s been told time and time again to keep it a secret from her classmates, so she never really found any close friends she could confide in

UNTIL Simon moves into town, and gets introduced to her third grade class. He’s kind awkward and shy (his dad just died, but no one really knows about that yet), so it wasn’t long before a couple of bigger boys decided to pick on the new kid. Clary hated seeing people get hurt, so she quickly stepped in and threw stuff towards them until they ran away.

She had to get benched for three recesses, but it was worth it, and Simon came by every time to make sure the girl who helped him wasn’t too lonely

They were best friends after that

Another thing about Simon: Weird stuff happened around him his whole life. It’s actually why his family had to move- people were starting to talk about that Lewis kid who somehow swept a table full of legos clean, made toilets explode into mean kids’ faces, turned lights on and off whenever he started crying

Rebecca, his (wonderful, loyal, I loved her scenes in the series oh my gosh) big sister who walked him back and forth from places, because people they knew their whole lives were starting to look and say and act mean towards her brother, and she wasn’t having any of it.

His mom was terrified of him, after the denial wore off. It was his dad who calmed her down, telling her that it was still their little boy, that Simon was just as confused just as confused as she was.

It wasn’t long before Simon had one of his accidents, but fortunately it was in private, and Clary was there too.

They were playing hide and seek on Simon’s house, and somehow when Clary found him, his left leg was completely invisible. For a moment Simon was quiet, looking at his first and only friend and wondering if she was going to get scared and call him a freak like the others.

But no, Clary’s eyes got big and wide, and she breathed out, “You’re like me.”

The next day Jocelyn came over to Simon’s place, sat his mom down, and explained everything to her: The wizarding world, Simon being a muggle born, magic schools. It took awhile but his mom was on board with it, relieved that there was an explanation, that somebody else knew what was happening.

Rebecca and Simon were eavesdropping. Afterwards they went to the library and checked out as many fantasy novels as they could, with Clary looking them over and saying which ones sounded close enough to the world her mother told her about.

The mom’s became as close as Clary and Simon are, often sharing stories of their kids, with Simon’s mom coming and asking Jocelyn for advice whenever he had accidents.

The Hogwarts letter came when they were eleven. Clary ran to Simon’s house the moment she got hers, and they both jumped around and screamed together.

The first trip to Diagon Alley was terrifying for the Lewis’s. Jocelyn helped them with most of the shopping list, whispering warnings and tips throughout for the next year, and everyone carefully ignored how they were being stared at- their weird clothes, gadgets, obvious confusion at some of the stores. They got out relatively unscathed, until Jocelyn got recognized by one of her old classmates from Hogwarts, who she pretended not to see and quickly walked away from.

Clary and Simon, on the other hand, were having the time of their lives. They ran from shop to shop, whispering excitedly about all the candies and toys there.

The only thing that dampened their mood was when they got to the robe shop for their fitting, and met the meanest, rudest, (prettiest) boy.

He had looked over at Simon’s and Clary’s clothes, then at the Lewis’s who were standing a distance away, and snorted. Said something about muggleborns and mudbloods with this look on his face, like they were smaller than him.

Even though Simon didn’t know the M word, Clary very well did. How dare this (really cute why does someone this mean so cute it’s not fair) say that about her best friend.

And since Clary couldn’t stand bullies, she shoved him hard, until he fell down. Then yelled at him extensively about rude words, he had no right to say that about his friends, how dare he, until Jocelyn heard the commotion and had to physically drag Clary off of him.

And Simon was there, not knowing what the big deal was but feeling touched anyways. And then a ridiculously good-looking family came over, finding a boy on the ground and a mother scolding her redhead. Jocelyn saw them, and froze.

It was the Lightwoods. So the parents kinda both stop for a second, and it would’ve been more than a second if Alec and Izzy didn’t see Jace and run over, Alec glaring daggers at Clary, and Isabelle going forward and preparing to punch the girl for hurting her brother.

And then after enough prodding, they find out what happened and force the two to apologize. Well, Clary had to apologize to Jace, and Jace had to apologize to Simon.

Like, I headcanon that the Lightwoods are pretty snobby in this au, okay?

But they’re trying to get better

Like they look at Simon and his family in the distance, and a part of them still thinks they’re better than them, but they also recognize that it’s not okay

Backstory on Jace: He was born by Stephen and Celine before Celine died in childbirth, and Stephen got sent to Azkaban (and died a few months later), so he got raised by someone who was really Valentine Morgenstern.

Michael Wayland is not dead in this fic and he is not used as Valentine’s alias. I want him to live. I got too attached to him too quickly in the short story.

AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT JACE IS A HERONDALE THERE WILL BE NO SURPRISE SIBLING TWIST IN THIS AU PLS

So he’s been raised on these elitist beliefs, and is still, like, eleven years old, and he’s being slowly trained out of it by the Lightwoods

And getting smacked by an angry (cute) eleven year old girl definitely did help

Or at least it seemed to. Jace got really quiet when they left the shop, but not in a sullen way.

It was similar to the way Alec and Izzy saw him looking at broomsticks, or quidditch matches, or hearing about magical weapons and wars, or when he was listening to the prettiest piano music

I just wanna imagine tiny Jace looking up at a yelling Clary and getting starry eyed, because (barring his sister Izzy) here was the coolest girl he’s ever seen

Like he got fond of Clary when she slapped him “For the other ten percent” tell me this isn’t how Jace gets a crush on her.

They don’t see them when boarding the train, though. The crowd was too big for that. Clary and Simon shared a coach. They kept whispering to each other about all the plans they have, the nights they’ll sneak out of their dorm room and just explore the grounds.

#tmi #the mortal insturment #hogwarts au #tmi hogwarts au #clace #clary fairchild #simon lewis #isabelle lightwood #jocelyn fairchild #alec lightwood #jace herondale #maryse lightwood #robert lightwood #the mortal instruments #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles

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ralfstrashcan · 4 years ago

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So! I was rewatching the end of 2B for fic'ing reasons and can I just say from the bottom of my heart XD XD XD because there were two instances where they could have easily prevented that whole mess from happening (even defeated Valentine with zero difficulty) and it's just so.... plot convenient that it happened differently X'D

1) Clary figured out via confusing visions from the angel that Lake Lyn is the Mortal Mirror. She, Izzy, Jace and Alec are the only ones who know. Valentine still thinks the fake mirror that they were guarding at the Institute is the real deal and they are sure that Valentine will be staying in New York to try and steal the fake mirror again (not knowing it has already been destroyed by Clary).

And what do they do? They facetime the Inquisitor to tell her to put guards on Lake Lyn.

What. This makes no sense. First off, that they even call the Inquisitor to tell her this super secret knowledge. Sure, reporting back to your superior would be the expected thing to do if you suddenly come by vital information but please, when have they ever done that before? Right, never. Trying to sweep shit under the rug and hoping to figure it out on their own before one of the higher-ups realizes something is going on has been their MO from day one. Why do they choose this day to be good little Shadowhunters?

Second off, even if they were perfect law-abiding, hierarchy-respecting Shadowhunters, this makes no strategical sense as well.

a) Valentine believes the mirror is at the Institute. Suddenly putting guards on another random place is conspicious as hell. Why would they draw attention to Lake Lyn when Valentine has no reason at all to suspect that he's wrong about the fake mirror? Several people died to protect it, after all! And it's not like they can station enough Shadowhunters around the lake to effectively keep Valentine from it anyway, should he unexpectedly figure out that the lake is in fact the real mirror. Have you seen the lake? It's freakin huge. Did they intend to put one Shadowhunter along the shoreline every 5 meters or what? This is bullshit.

b) Keeping the knowledge of the real Mortal Mirror secret is vital because the life of literally every Downworlder depends on it. To keep something secret you should.. not tell people about it. Especially not people who will then tell other people in order to organize a guard (that will not achieve anything anyway). I mean, what if word gets around to Valentine? What if Valentine has a spy within the Clave?? It should be something to be considered since it's been *checks watch* oh, five minutes since they found out Valentine had a spy planted right under their noses for literally two weeks!! Who's been undermining their plans and happily murdering this whole time!! What!!

The point is, if they just hadn't called the Inquisitor Valentine would have never learned that Lake Lyn is the Mortal Mirror and things would have unfolded a lot differently. (Of course they also wouldn't have learned that Consul Malachi was a Circle Member but that's a problem for another day, I guess.)

2) The only one to blame for Valentine not dying a spectacularly lame death off-screen is actually Rufus. My favorite, my poor sweet drug-dealing, Magnus-defying summer child Rufus. Why couldn't you keep your stupid mouth shut? Things could have been so easy.

We're aware that the Warlocks put wards around NY to keep all Nephilim-blooded people inside, right? Valentine, after realizing Lake Lyn is the real mirror, kidnaps Rufus and demands he open a portal to Alicante. Rufus fails and this dialogue unfolds:

Rufus: Someone must have erected portal wards around the city. Even if I wanted to I couldn't bring them down.

Valentine: Fine. We'll fly to the nearest airport and hike across the mountains to Brocelind Forest.

Okay! Things were fine. It's not Rufus's fault for failing! The Circle would have either killed him or left him behind after this but Rufus wasn't gonna increase his chances of survival by playing messenger for further bad news:

Rufus: I've seen this type of ward before, but they're rare. They're wired to keep Nephilim blood from passing through. You're trapped.

Why did he say this!! There is no reason for him to help them by saying that!! They would have eventually figured out they were trapped but until then they would have wasted their time trying to get to an airport, make it through security with a big ass sword, steal a plane, idk! And Rufus doesn't even deliver this line with a spiteful air of 'haha, your evil plans are gonna fail.' He seems genuinely sorry that Valentine won't be leaving for his merry journey of genocide anytime soon. What!!

Imagine it though! Imagine Rufus would have shut up and Val would have made it to the city line with his entourage. Because we later learn that

Imagine it!! Valentine, Jonathan and his Circle Crew flying in their stolen plane over the city limits and just boom! they’re all gone!! Problem solved!!! So easy!!!

#shadowhunters #clary fray #isabelle lightwood #alec lightwood #jace wayland #valentine morgenstern #jonathan morgenstern #rufus #luke garroway #plot convenience

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my-random-ocs · 4 years ago

Text

Teen Wolf OC Masterlist

Name: Adina Morris Theron

Story: Legacy

Faceclaim: Brec Bassinger

Species: Hunter

Love Interest: Liam Dunbar

Summary:

Name: Ainsley Dunbar

Story: Wild Side

Faceclaim: Kiernan Shipka

Species: Chimera

Summary:

Name: Alexandra ‘Alex’ Ivanov

Story: Flower Hearted Girl

Faceclaim: Nina Dobrev

Species: REDACTED

Love Interest: Scott McCall

Summary:

Name: Amaya Reyes

Story: The Year of Your Wolf

Faceclaim: Ciara Bravo

Species: Human

Love Interest: Liam Dunbar

Summary:

Name: Arden Myers

Story: Walk Through the Fire

Faceclaim: Abigail Cowen

Species: Greek demigoddess

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary:

Name: Avery Krasikeva

Story: You Will Be Found

Faceclaim: Marie Avgeropoulos

Species: Human

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary:

Name: Sofía-Belén Belén Arellano

Story: Love and War

Faceclaim: Emeraude Toubia

Species: Norse demigoddess

Summary:

Name: Briana 'Brie' Geyer

Story: Alight

Faceclaim: Jessica Parker Kennedy

Species: Witch

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary:

Name: Cassandra 'Cass' Turner

Story: Come Alive

Faceclaim: Madelaine Petsch

Species: Roman demigoddess

Summary:

Name: Chandler Quinn

Story: Rise From the Ashes

Faceclaim: Sophie Turner

Species: Phoenix

Love Interest: Scott McCall

Summary: Chandler Quinn always thought she was normal. But when she and her father move to Beacon Hills, California to be closer to family, she learns she is anything but. After learning her cousin is a banshee, and seeing her new friends get pseudo-sacrificed, Chandler’s ordinary life is about to get extraordinary.

Name: Claire Grosvenor

Story: A Family Matter

Faceclaim: Lauren Graham

Species: Hunter

Love Interest: Noah Stilinski

Summary:

Name: Elizabeth ‘Eliza’ Arquette

Story: (Romeo and) Juliet

Faceclaim: Dove Cameron

Species: Hunter turned werewolf

Love Interest: Allison Argent, eventual Malia Tate

Summary: The Arquettes are a family of hunters just as old as the Argents. Jacques Arquette attempted to go after the Beast of Gévauden, but Marie-Jeanne Valet got there first, and the Arquettes have been angry about it ever since. Eliza and her parents have followed the same code as the Argents: hunt those who hunt us. Eliza never thought she would change her beliefs. She grew up with the knowledge she would continue her parents’ legacy. Until she turns into the one thing her parents hate the most. And now she spends her days terrified of the alpha that bit her and of her parents finding out. Most of all, Eliza is petrified of what she is, and what it might mean for her.

Name: Dana Flores

Story: Thorns

Faceclaim: Sofia Carson

Species: Dryad

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary:

Name: Emma Lahey

Story: Sorcery

Faceclaim: Britt Robertson

Species: Witch

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary:

Name: Gabriela ‘Gabby’ Carvalho

Story: Thrown to the Wolves

Faceclaim: Allegra Acosta

Species: Born werewolf

Love Interest: Liam Dunbar

Summary: All Gabby remembers is bullets flying through the air, shattered glass digging into her skin, and the bodies of her family fallen to the floor. When she wakes up, she finds herself in the vet office of Alan Deaton, learning about the Dead Pool from true alpha Scott McCall and his pack. According to a sheet of paper, Gabby is worth three million dollars. From there, she is brought in to fight the hunters and professional killers and people who have never picked up a gun who want to kill people like her for money. Well, Gabby’s freshman year was going to be boring- there’s nothing like becoming an orphan and fighting bad guys to spice it up, right?

Name: Ghaziyah ‘Zia’ Banerjee

Story: Rise Up

Faceclaim: Naomi Scott

Species: Greek demigoddess

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary: Zia Banerjee grew up with the Greek myths. Her father told them to her like they were bedtime stories, like the Little Mermaid. She always thought that stuff- werewolves, goddesses, that sort of thing- wasn’t real. But after looking for a dead body in the woods (thanks, Stiles!), Zia learns just how real they are.

Name: Helena 'Lena' Altman

Story: Come Alive

Faceclaim: Lilli Reinhart

Species: Greek demigoddess

Summary:

Name: Isadora ‘Izzy’ Hayes

Story: Supernova

Faceclaim: Danielle Campbell

Species: Witch

Love Interest: Erica Reyes, eventual Lydia Martin

Summary: Izzy Hayes has exactly two friends: Scott McCall and Stiles Stilinski. When they go out looking for a dead body, and Scott turns into a werewolf, Izzy thinks that that is the most abnormal Beacon Hills will ever get. Then she learns something about her family- and herself- that she never could have imagined. Through this, Izzy knows that nothing will ever be the same. And she’s okay with that.

Name: Jameson ‘Jamie’ Stilinski

Story: (We Will Call This Place) Our Home

Faceclaim: Chloe Grace Moretz

Species: Fury

Love Interest: Scott McCall

Summary:

Name: Josephine ‘Josie’ Hale

Story: A Million Choices

Faceclaim: Maia Mitchell

Species: Born werewolf

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary: When Josie was ten, she lost everything: her parents, her siblings, her home. With her whole pack gone, she was taken in by her human grandmother, and spent the next years of her life trying to put herself back together again. She went to school, made friends, even joined a few clubs. Six years later, Josie was packing her school things when she felt something she hasn’t felt in years: the presence of her pack.

Name: Kaleb Lupo

Story: A Million Choices

Faceclaim: David Lambert

Species: Human

Love Interest: Lydia Martin

Summary:

Name: Kazumi ‘Kaz’ Takahashi

Story: Blood is Thicker than Water

Faceclaim: Lyrica Okano

Species: Witch

Summary: Kaz Takahashi has lived her whole life doing things for other people. Her dysfunctional father, mostly. She thought that her whole life would be spent caring for people. She would never be free of her responsibilities. Until her best friend Stiles dragged her and Scott to find a dead body. Well, half a dead body, anyway.

Name: Kiara ‘Kie’ Matheson

Story: Something Wild

Faceclaim: Ashleigh Murray

Species: Human turned werewolf

Summary:

Name: Paulina Kit Stilinski

Story: Seven Years

Faceclaim: Eliza Taylor

Species: REDACTED

Love Interest: Scott McCall

Summary:

Name: Laurel Jacobs

Story: Paper Shields

Faceclaim: Vanessa Morgan

Species: Born werewolf

Love Interest: Scott McCall

Summary:

Name: Lilith ‘Lily’ Hale

Story: Girls and Monsters

Faceclaim: Kaylee Bryant

Species: REDACTED

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary: When she was ten-years-old, Lily Hale saw her house go up in flames, taking most of her family with it. She woke up at the hospital with smoke inhalation, burns on most of her body, and nightmares to last a lifetime. With both her parents dead and no next of kin to speak of, Lily was put into the custody of her godmother, Melissa McCall, and became Lilith McCall. For six years, Lily worked to create a normal life- well, normal enough. But what happens when her best friend decides to look for a dead body in the middle of the night? Lily’s normal comes crumbling down, and she is forced to face a life she was so afraid of remembering.

Name: Logan Garcia

Story: What A Family Is

Faceclaim: Isabella Gomez

Species: Human

Love Interest: Liam Dunbar

Summary: The McCall family was broken. Mom and son were in Beacon Hills, dad was who knows where, and the surprise daughter was in Los Angeles. Only, she’s not in Los Angeles anymore. Logan Garcia shows up on Melissa’s doorstep one day, and honestly, Scott isn’t surprised that his dad had another kid. So now Logan is starting freshman year at Beacon Hills High School. She thought it would be like any other freshman year- she would be invisible to the upperclassman, she would get good grades, and maybe she’d even go out for lacrosse. Then a bunch of crows attack her class, and suddenly her brother is a werewolf. Well, her life was already interesting. Why not make it dangerous, too?

Name: Lunetta ‘Luna’ Alessi

Story: New Moon

Faceclaim: Olivia Holt

Species: Greek demigoddess

Summary: When Luna and her father move back to Beacon Hills to live with her grandmother, she reunites with her childhood best friend Stiles, and meets his friend Scott. Of course, after ten years of living in Los Angeles, Beacon Hills is nothing like Luna remembers. When a flock of crows attacks her English class, Stiles tells her about the supernatural world. Needless to say, she’s shocked. Then the dead bodies start showing up, and now Luna is dealing with alpha werewolves, a human sacrificing maniac, and junior year all at once. Now, if she could just figure out why she glows, she would be golden.

Name: Lux Matthews

Story: Supernova

Faceclaim: Virginia Gardner

Species: Faerie

Love Interest: Isaac Lahey, eventual Stiles Stilinski

Summary: Lux Matthews was a normal girl. She was best friends with Lydia Martin, she got good grades, and she went to the lacrosse games. Then she walks in on her new friend’s boyfriend… hulking out in the locker room and suddenly Lux is thrown into something she had no idea how to survive. Lux doesn’t know much, but she does know that Beacon Hills was not the town she thought it was.

Name: Maeve Stilinski

Story: Taking Over

Faceclaim: Natalia Dyer

Species: Banshee

Summary:

Name: Maricela ‘Mari’ Guerrero

Story: Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

Faceclaim: Ariela Barer

Species: Dreamwalker

Summary:

Name: Mikaela Hale

Story: (Never) Grow Up

Faceclaim: Candice King

Species: Born werewolf

Summary:

Name: Morgan Stilinski

Story: (We Will Call This Place) Our Home

Faceclaim: Jennifer Morrison

Species: Human

Love Interest: Chris Argent

Summary:

Name: Nantosuelta ‘Ella’ Delgado

Story: Battle Scars

Faceclaim: Sarah Jeffery

Species: Druid

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary: Ella was happy with her life. She lived with her parents in Connecticut, she had friends, did well in school, and had almost completed her training into the druid community. Then it all fell apart. After losing her parents to what the local police ruled a ‘bear attack’, Ella is moving across the country to live with her aunt and cousin in California. And it turns out her cousin is a werewolf, and her uncle and her aunt know. If she thought her life was complicated before, she didn’t want to know what junior year was going to look like. But she figures if the Delgado-McCall cousins can get through this, they can get through anything.

Name: Natasha 'Tasha' Hale

Story: Wolf Wild Heart

Faceclaim: Phoebe Tonkin

Species: Born werewolf

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary:

Name: Nicolette ‘Nico’ Grosvenor

Story: A Family Matter

Faceclaim: Zoey Deutch

Species: Hunter-REDACTED hybrid

Love Interest: Isaac Lahey

Summary:

Name: Marguerite Nina Argent

Story: Hurricane Child

Faceclaim: Katherine McNamara

Species: Hunter-REDACTED hybrid

Love Interest: Isaac Lahey

Summary:

Name: Persephone ‘Seph’ Adler

Story: A Million Choices

Faceclaim: India Eisley

Species: Chimera

Love Interest: Liam Dunbar

Summary:

Name: Phoebe Eastman

Story: Full of Life

Faceclaim: Kaya Scodelario

Species: Born werewolf

Love Interest: Scott McCall

Summary: When a group of hunters raided her house when she was eight, killing most of her family, Phoebe became the alpha and the last surviving member of the Eastman pack. She was taken in by her human aunt in Beacon Hills, and tried to live a normal life. Until her surrogate brother breaks into her house and says he needs her help fighting the new alpha. She meets Scott, the new beta who really has no idea what he’s doing and Stiles, Scott’s human best friend who is trying his best to help, but most of his sources are from myth websites. That’s when Phoebe gives up on ever having a normal life.

Name: Piper Marinos

Story: Wild, Water, Home

Faceclaim: Auli’i Cravalho

Species: Siren

Summary:

Name: Rachel Harlowe

Story: Constellations

Faceclaim: Kat Graham

Species: Witch

Love Interest: Lydia Martin

Summary:

Name: Rebecca ‘Bex’ Argent-Gaumond

Story: Something New

Faceclaim: Kathryn Newton

Species: Hunter-protector hybrid

Love Interest: Liam Dunbar

Summary: When Sara Argent married James Gaumond, she was disowned by her family. The Gaumonds protected the supernatural, instead of hunted it, like the Argents. Despite the estrangement of her family, Sara lived happily with James, and they had their own family. However, this is not Sara’s story.

Bex Gaumond always described her parents as Romeo and Juliet; a love story that no one planned. She thought that the happily ever after her parents got, however, would set them apart from the star crossed lovers. Then her dad dies, and she, her mom, and her sister moved across the country to live in Beacon Hills. Two years later, her sister’s friend gets bitten by a werewolf, and Bex would love to help out- if only her whole family would stop being so protective.

Name: Riley Williams

Story: (I Won’t Go) Speechless

Faceclaim: Meg Donnelly

Species: Amazon

Love Interest: Liam Dunbar

Summary: If anyone asked her, Riley would say her favorite superhero is Wonder Woman. She’s been Riley’s hero ever since she was introduced to the comics. She would dream of being like Wonder Woman, saving the world. Riley just never thought she would be Wonder Woman. Or, more specifically, like Wonder Woman. Yep, turns out Riley is an Amazon. She didn’t believe it at first, but when a group of juniors tell her that her name is on a hit-list for supernatural creatures, it sort of got hard to ignore.

Name: Sabrina Argent-Gaumond

Story: Something New

Faceclaim: Vanessa Marano

Species: Hunter-protector hybrid

Love Interest: Isaac Lahey

Sabrina Argent always admired her parents. She thought they were the bravest people she’d ever met. After her father’s death, she, her mother, and her sister moved to Beacon Hills, and met the family that didn’t want them. Sabrina vowed to continue her mother’s wishes and stay out of the supernatural. But when her best friend gets bitten by a werewolf, she realizes she doesn’t have to live her parents’ story, only her own.

Name: Sara McCall

Story: Sky Comes Falling Down

Faceclaim: Melonie Diaz

Species: Human

Love Interest: Derek Hale

Summary: Sara McCall knew one thing: protect her little brother. It was easy growing up. She loved him more than anything. She helped him with his homework, practiced lacrosse with him, and stayed with him when their father came home less than sober. Their relationship didn’t change when she went away to college. Then a few days before Sara is supposed to head back to school, Scott starts acting weird, her old classmate suddenly reappears after six years of silence, and Stiles is googling the supernatural on Wikipedia. She is determined to figure out what is going on. Sara McCall knows one thing: protect her little brother.

Name: Sierra Johansson

Story: Roots

Faceclaim: Liana Liberato

Species: REDACTED

Love Interest: Scott McCall

Summary:

Name: Sybil ‘Sib’ Gajos

Story: We May Break (But We Won’t Stay Broken)

Faceclaim: Hailee Steinfeld

Species: REDACTED

Summary: Sybil Gajos is a survivor. She’s survived being picked on in elementary school, she’s survived her mother’s abandonment, and she’s survived the car accident that left her baby sister dead. When Sib learns that her cousin is involved in things that are... let’s say not what she expected, she is determined to survive them, too.

Name: Theresa ‘Tess’ Lowell

Story: Anchors

Faceclaim: Danielle Rose Russell

Species: Born werewolf

Love Interest: Scott McCall

Summary: Tess knew that werewolf packs adopting orphaned werewolf children wasn’t uncommon, she just never thought it would happen to her. But there she was, seven-years-old, hiding in the woods, and scared out of her mind. Peter Hale found her hiding in a cave, brought her home, and Tess was adopted by Talia Hale. She had a normal life, and it was almost happy, until a fire set by hunters killed most of her new family. She and one of her sisters ran, and landed in South America. Six years later, Tess and Cora hear about one of the great Hales, building a pack. They travel back to Beacon Hills, and end up getting kidnapped by a pack of alpha werewolves. This is bad enough. It was made even worse when Tess finds that one of the alphas was the wolf who killed her family.

Name: Veronica ‘Ronnie’ Delgado

Story: To Be Alive

Faceclaim: Natalie Alyn Lind

Species: REDACTED

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary:

Name: Vivian Byrne

Story: Blackbird Fly

Faceclaim: Jenny Boyd

Species: Banshee

Love Interest: Stiles Stilinski

Summary: Vivian Byrne didn’t have a lot in life. After the accident, her brother moved them both to Beacon Hills, to be closer to Griffin and Vivian’s godfather, Noah Stilinksi. Despite what had happened, Vivian is happy. She is reunited with her best friend Stiles, she is going to a school where no one knows her- or her family-, and she even discovers werewolves are real. Oh, yeah, Vivian’s eight-year-old self is definitely fangirling about that. But knowing the truth about the weirder side of the world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And now Vivian is experiencing things like werewolves, hunters, and almost dying every time she leaves the house. But hey, that’s just Beacon Hills.

Name: Ximena Calavera

Story: Wolves and Fire

Faceclaim: Camila Mendes

Species: Hunter turned werewolf

Love Interest: Scott McCall

Summary: When Ximena was a little girl, her favorite place to be was at her abuelita’s club. Not on the dance floor- Araya never would have allowed the elementary schooler to dance with the clubbers- but in her office, where the real fun took place. Ximena grew up hearing stories from Araya. Not fairytales; no, Ximena thought fairytales to be a silly thing compared to the stories of her family’s history. The young girl was in awe of her family, and vowed to one day follow their code and hunt werewolves just like them. Until one day she went out on a mission with her father and grandmother and was bitten by a werewolf. Thirteen, alone, and scared, Ximena refused to stay in the Calavera’s so called ‘custody’. So she ran, all the way to Beacon Hills. Three years later, Derek Hale comes knocking on her door. There’s an alpha pack in town, and one of the members? The alpha who bit Ximena.

Name: Zoey Stilinski

Story: (I Don’t Mind Your) Shadows

Faceclaim: Willa Holland

Species: REDACTED

Love Interest: Derek Hale

Summary: Stiles knew that he had the coolest big sister in the world. She was basically an archery pro, a mythology nut, she never minded helping him and Scott train for lacrosse- even if they weren’t very good-, and she would do anything for her brothers. And Stiles knew that most siblings lose touch when the older one goes to college, but Zoey made it a point to make it like she had never left Beacon Hills. So, when Scott gets bitten by a werewolf, Stiles knows just who to call.

#teen wolf ocs #teen wolf #teen wolf oc masterlist

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maylovexhs · 4 years ago

Text

everytime - LOVE ME WRONG(Chp. 38)

Author’s Note: Miss Allie X and Troye Sivan is who to thank for this chapter. They really got me in my emotions. Enjoy this chapter loves! - May

Catch up on everytime here

November 27, 2019. 1 PM.

*Y/N’S POV*

I thought about it and no, I still have decided. It’s only been a week. I couldn’t possibly decide in a week. I wanted to be with Ashton. He was much better to me than Harry has been. I’ve only been with Ashton for three months. I barely gave him a chance compared to Harry. I loved Ashton. But if I loved Ashton so much, why did a part of me wish I was with Harry instead?

“Don’t you have one of those already?” Ashton asked me.

I held the guitar in my hand as I played a few strings on it.

“No” I said. “I have a blue color of it. Not an orange”

“You’re really going to pay for something you already have?” Ashton asked me.

I shook my head, putting the guitar back.

I was Ashton’s work. I surprised him with lunch and decided to stay around for another hour at his job. I wasn’t spending Thanksgiving with him so I decided to try and spend the day before with him. Ashton actually had invited me to spend Thanksgiving with his family but I refused. Firstly, I didn’t want to rub the sight of us in Billie’s. Secondly, I didn’t want to give Ashton’s parents hope that he and I will stay together because I had no idea of who to pick still. And thirdly, I would just be thinking of Harry the whole time there.

We heard the store’s door chime as a customer came in. Ashton and I looked to each other.

“Can I meet you after work?” Ashton asked me.

I nodded.

“Yeah” I said. “Your place. What time do you get off?”

“I close at 7” Ashton said. “So, 8:30 latest?”

I reached up and kissed his cheek.

“I’ll be there” I said.

Ashton smiled at me.

“See you soon” I said to him.

I turned away from him. I started to walk away before I Ashton call me.

“Y/N” Ashton said.

I turned around to him.

“Yeah?” I asked him.

Ashton opened his mouth to say something but quickly shut it.

“Ash,” I said. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing important” Ashton said. “I’ll tell you about it later”

“You’re sure?” I asked him. “I can stay another minute. I don’t have nothing to do for the rest of the day”

“Yeah, I’m sure” Ashton said. “Besides, I don’t want Ron thinking I’m not doing my job and fire me if he sees one more second of us”

I nodded at him.

“Okay” I told him. “But you’re telling me it later”

“I will” Ashton said.

I smiled at him. I turned away. I walked over to the door. I stopped to turn around and look at Ashton before I left. He was already talking to the customers who just walked in.

My smile slowly faded.

I exited out of the shop, beginning to walk down the block.

God, I hope Ashton won’t say he loves me. Not that I didn’t want him to say it or know he loves me, it’s just . . . I didn’t want to hear it now.

I knew Ashton loved me. He may have not admitted it directly but it was obvious ever since he flew to Paris for me. I knew Ashton loved me. I just didn’t want him to say it to me because if he does . . . I’ll have to say it back. Listen, of course I loved Ashton. He makes me so happy and I wouldn’t be with him if I did not love him a little. It’s just I am not quite ready to tell him I loved him, mainly because I was still thinking of Harry.

How could I tell Ashton I loved him when every time I looked at him I immediately think of Ashton? It was not enough I felt guilty for not telling Ashton about what happened last week. How could I even tell him? Ashton immediately suspected Harry was jealous of us after that night at dinner. I managed to quickly dismiss that possibility to Ashton since I thought Harry would never think of me in that way again. But now? If I told Ashton, I would just be confirming his suspicion and slightly be defending Harry.

I turned the corner of the block, walking towards my car.

I should have just told Ashton the day after Harry kissed me. I should have told him and I wouldn’t feel so guilty now. I told Ali I was going to tell him but I needed some days to think about what I was going to do with Harry. What was I going to do about Harry? I couldn’t tell Ashton about it and still be friends with Harry. That would be unfair to both of them. Ashton is my boyfriend. I’m supposed to be loyal to him and choose him above any other man. But Harry was my friend. I’ve known him longer than Ashton. How could I choose only one?

I took my car keys out of my bag. I unlocked my car, getting into the driver’s seat and closing the door.

I knew I had to tell Ashton at some point. I knew I had to do something about Harry too. I also knew I had to do both before it was too late.

I plugged my key into the ignition, the car turning on.

I just hope I would know soon or I would lose Ashton and Harry.

10 PM.

So far, nothing. I expected Ashton to tell me he loved me right away when I met him at his apartment but he didn’t. I was a little happy he did not mention it to me yet. I would have no idea how to react if he did. All I had was Harry on my head. I couldn’t properly think of what to say if Ashton did say he loved me. But, on the other hand, I was surprised. If Ashton wanted to tell me he loved me, why didn’t he yet? Did he change his mind about telling me? If that was the case, did something happen that changed his mind? Did he know something about Harry and I?

Ashton entered his room, holding a bag of chips and a coke.

“As requested” Ashton said, smiling at me.

“I didn’t ask” I said. “But you know your way to my heart”

Ashton handed me the coke and the bag of chips. I sat on Ashton’s bed, watching the television. Ashton sat down next to me. I opened the can of coke and started to drink it.

No. Ashton couldn’t know about Harry and I. The only people I told were Ali and Izzy. Both didn’t have his numbers so there was no way he could know about Harry kissing me. But what about everything else between Harry and I? I didn’t tell Ashton that I dated Harry for a month before. I didn’t tell Ashton I wrote songs about Harry before. I didn’t tell Ashton anything apart that Harry was a very close friend of mine and I knew him for forever. Did Ashton know I had a history with Harry? I’ve always made it clear in the media that Harry and I were friends only but anyone could suspect more.

No, no, no. There was no possibility Ashton knew about my history with Harry. It wasn’t like he knew someone who wrote songs with me about Harry. . . OH MY GOD. BILLIE.

I choked on my coke. I coughed, clearing my throat. Ashton looked worried at me.

“Are you okay?” Ashton asked me.

“Yeah” I said, between coughs. “Drank too fast”

Ashton took the coke from my hand and put it on his bedside table.

“You’re almost done with the can” Ashton said. “Did you chug it?”

I shook my head, regaining my breath.

“Just thirsty” I said.

“I can see . . .” Ashton said.

I bit my lip, knowing how stupid I just was. I looked to television.

Billie, his sister. How could I forget about Billie? Billie - who practically knows everything about my love life just from my songs. Billie could have told him. She could have. But then again, Billie gave us her blessing. Why would she want to ruin something she wants to happen? It didn’t make sense.

I looked to Ashton.

Should I just ask him about it? Should I just mention to him about earlier? What’s the worst he could say? That he loves me? That Billie told him about Harry and I? He was going to find out anyway. Should I really just tell him now? It’s been a week. Maybe I should wait until after Thanksgiving. I don’t want to ruin this holiday for him. I could wait another week. I would know what to do about Harry by then-

“What?” Ashton asked me.

“What?” I said.

“You’re giving me that look” Ashton said.

I immediately perked up, smiling.

“What look?” I asked. “There’s nothing to worry about”

Ashton blinked at me, clearly not believing in me.

“Y/N,” Ashton said. “You just admitted something is wrong”

I frowned.

I’ll just ask him about earlier. I’ll just ask that and nothing else.

“Fine” I said. “Before I left . . . what were you going to say?”

Ashton smiled at me.

“Oh, that.” Ashton said. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to spend Christmas with my family”

I let out a little sigh, relieved.

Christmas? He wanted to ask me about Christmas?

“Oh,” I said. “Why didn’t you just ask me that?”

“I was going to but since you’re not coming to Thanksgiving, I didn’t want to make any false promises to my parents” Ashton said.

I smiled at him.

“Yeah . . . it’s good that you didn’t” I said.

Especially since I have no idea what to do about Harry or you yet . . .

“I mean, I would love to” I told him. “Anything could happen in a month and I usually spend it with my friends but I wouldn’t mind spending it with you and your family. Just thought you would ask me the week before”

“I was planning to” Ashton said. “Wanted it to be a surprise when I asked you”

“Oh” I said, looking down.

I scratched my neck, realizing I ruined Ashton’s romantic proposal. I looked up to him.

“Well, it could still be a surprise. . .” I said. “I’ll just forget about it and you can ask me a week before”

Ashton smiled at me.

“I will” Ashton said. “And not in my room”

I still smiled, looking back to the television.

I knew he couldn’t have known. If he did, he wouldn’t have asked me to spend Christmas with his family. I’m pretty sure if he did know, he would have broken up with me already and I wouldn’t be in his bedroom. But Christmas. . . he wanted to spend it with me. I never had a boyfriend invite me to spend Christmas with them. The closest I have ever received was Anne invited me to spend Christmas with her and Harry. But Harry’s my friend. He was when Anne asked me.

Ashton imagined a future with me. A future that I could actually share with him. A future where I could actually be happy.

I looked to Ashton.

If Ashton imagined spending his future with me, he deserved the truth at least. It was the right thing to do. Ashton would understand. Ashton knows I would never want to hurt him. He would know I never planned to kiss Harry back that night. I was with him. Not Harry.

“I need to tell you something” I said.

Ashton turned to me.

“You realized you can’t come to Christmas?” Ashton asked me.

“No, no” I shook my head. “It’s . . .”

How the hell do I tell him without making him upset?

“It’s what?” Ashton asked me.

I bit my bottom lip.

Well, here it goes . . .

“Harry and I kissed” I said.

“What?” Ashton asked me.

“We kissed” I said. “Well, he kissed me and I wanted to slap him for it. I ran away to my room from him but then he apologized and the next thing I knew was that I kissed him back”

Ashton didn’t say anything. He just stared at me.

“Ashton, say something” I told him. “Please”

“I knew it all along” Ashton said, looking down. “I knew he was jealous that night”

“Listen, I know how it sounds” I began to explain. “I told you he was a friend and I really thought we were because I never thought he would kiss me. Then he did and I wanted to tell you sooner but-“

“It’s okay” Ashton said.

“What?” I asked him, surprised.

“Harry kissed you” Ashton looked up to me. “And he’s your friend. You were confused and kissed him back”

“You’re not mad?” I asked him.

“Well, a little. . .” Ashton said. “This happened a week ago, right?”

I nodded.

“I wanted to tell you sooner but I’m still trying to think what to do about Harry” I said. “I didn’t want to tell you until I knew”

“And do you know?” Ashton asked me. “About what to do with Harry?”

I looked down, shaking my head.

“He’s one of my best friends” I said. “I know it’s wrong if I’m still friends with him after that while I’m with you but . . .”

“You can’t do that to him” Ashton said.

I nodded.

“Ever since he kissed me, all I ever think about is him” I told Ashton. “I swear I can’t even look at you because I just think of him. That’s why I didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving with your family. It would be torture. I’ve been trying to forget him but I can’t. . .”

“Do you think of him more than a friend now?” Ashton asked me.

I looked to Ashton. I knew the answer but didn’t want to say it.

“If I said yes, would that mean I’m horrible?” I asked him.

Ashton looked down. He sighed.

I immediately felt a wave of guilt hit me. I just admitted I had feelings for Harry. And to my boyfriend.

“You should talk to him” Ashton said under his breath.

“What?” I asked him. “I can’t. He kissed me. I shouldn’t even step a foot next to him-“

“Y/N” Ashton said. “Harry’s your best friend. I can’t force you to pick between me and him”

I stayed silent.

I knew how kind Ashton was but I never expected him to be this kind to me. He was putting my happiness above his. He was willing to give up me as long as I was with the right person. I knew he had to be hurt underneath his kindness.

“You need to do whatever is best for you” Ashton said. “If you need time, you should take it”

I felt my eyes water up. I hugged him.

“Why do you have to be so nice?” I asked him. “It just makes it worse”

“It’s part of my job” Ashton said. “I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to be”

“I don’t know if you will be anymore” I said. “I want you to be. I wish I just knew”

“It’s okay, Y/N” Ashton said. “I’ll be happy if you choose Harry. I just care if you are happy”

I cried into Ashton’s chest.

I wish I knew.

I wish I just knew.

#hs au #hs fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #hs fanfiction #harry styles imagines #harry styles imagine #hs imagines #hs imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles au #harry styles one shot #hs one shot #everytime HS #everytime chapters

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tuffduff · 5 years ago

Text

Unexpected {part II} (Izzy Stradlin x Reader)

Pairing: Izzy x Reader

Words: 1,693

Request: @universal-scorpio “Heyyyy! I’m kinda new to the Guns fandom but I saw you were open to requests so maybe a part 2 to the Unexpected Izzy imagine please? Where Izzy and the reader have the baby?? Anyway, I love your blog and I hope you’re happy, healthy and doing well at this time! 💖”

A/N: Stradlin Sunday rolls on! Genuinely get so excited reading what you guys think, I’m always like “wow people actually like what I write!” lmao thank you guys for giving me that. I hope everyone is doing safe and well, thanks again for the request @universal-scorpio and for being so sweet! Welcome to the Jungle! ❤️🐯

Taglist: @ubernoxa

Izzy was the definition of calm and collected during your pregnancy. Your first trimester went off without a hitch if you didn’t count the nausea and hormones. When you would just burst into tears at the silliest things, like your dog getting a haircut or running out of ice cream, he would do his best to make it better. There wasn’t much he could do about the dog, but he always made sure to have every odd snack already in your house. If you wanted something you didn’t have, like sweet pickles in particular, he would leave your house—often in the middle of the night—to get it.

Really, he always seemed to know exactly what to do and never lost his patience or his cool. Sometimes you wondered in amusement if he had forgotten you were pregnant; the random onset of heartburn or tears never phased him. Or, at least that’s what you thought for a few months. Evidently, he had you fooled.

One day, while he was out taking your dog for a walk, you wandered into the studio in your home where he recorded and played music—his little sanctuary. You were surprised at the tall pile of books on a desk that you hadn’t seen before and inspected each title curiously. The Birth Partner, Pregnancy Childbirth and the Newborn, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Your Pregnancy Week by Week.

Beside the stack of books, you found an open notebook and flipped through it. The first few pages were all full of potential song lyrics and music, but soon, his writings turned to all things concerning your baby. It was like he was a student preparing for an exam with neat notes and underlines and reminders.

“Babe?” You turned to see Izzy at the door frame, faint lines on his forehead. You could feel a wide smile growing on your lips as you turned to face him.

“What’s all of this?” You asked him curiously, raising What to Expect When You’re Expecting. “Shouldn’t I be the one reading this?” He shrugged a bit sheepishly.

“I wanted to be able to put myself in your shoes and sort of…anticipate what you’re going to be going through so I can help somehow…” He looked down a little, scratching the back of his neck. “Besides, I don’t think it’s you that needs the extra help.”

“Izzy! Are you worried?” You asked, abandoning the books and walking in front of him to cradle his face and lift his gaze up to meet yours. Your tummy rested against his, preventing you from getting as close as you wanted.

“This is just something I don’t want to fuck up.” He admitted quietly, finally looked you in the eyes. His hands drifted up and rested on your tummy. “I don’t want to let you or our baby down.”

“Babe…there’s nothing wrong with doing a little preparation. But you shouldn’t be worried, you’re going to be a great father. And you’re gonna make mistakes.” He looked up sharply. “I am too. I’m not perfect, no one is. But I know we’re going to do the best we can and this baby isn’t going to be lacking any love or care from either of us. And I know as long as I have you by my side, we’re gonna figure this out as we go and be alright.” He relaxed a little bit and nodded finally, raising his hands to stroke your hair.

“Somehow, I keep finding ways to fall even more in love with you.” He told you, kissing your forehead.

“I hope that never goes away.” You giggled leaning into his embrace.

Soon, it was time to find out the sex of your child. No longer trying to hide his feelings, Izzy held your hand tightly through the entire experience, his right leg bouncing in uncontrolled anxiousness. His other free hand drummed on his knee absently as you both watched the ultrasound image.

“Well, congratulations mom and dad, you’ve got a healthy baby girl.” When you turned to look at Izzy’s reaction, you instantly grew emotional. His mouth was slightly open in amazement and you could see his eyes beginning to water. He stood from his seat and leaned in closer to get a look, shaking his head in disbelief before he leaned down to kiss your cheek.

“We’ve got a baby girl…Y/N, we’ve got a baby girl.” It was almost as though he needed to repeat it to get it into his own head, to enter this new reality.

“Now we’ve gotta think of a name,” you giggled.

Your pregnancy continued to go extremely well. You and Izzy argued over names constantly, in the middle of everyday conversation.

“Do we have eggs?” Izzy would ask you in the grocery store before absently adding. “How about Amelia?”

“We need more eggs. And a better name than Amelia.” Izzy rolled his eyes at you before he lifted a block of cheese from the assortment in front of you.

“How about Brie?” He asked dryly.

“I am not going to tell my baby girl her father named her after a block of cheese!” You told him, shoving his shoulder as he laughed.

Eventually, despite his trepidation, he decided to reach out to his former band members and let them know the latest news in your lives. They had nothing but love and support for the both of you and even pitched in collectively to send you guys an assortment of gifts; a new expensive car seat, flowers for you, and tons of new outfits and toys. The sweetest thing possibly, however, was a tiny onesie with a Guns N’ Roses logo. “You’re still family,” Axl insisted to the both of you. It was the exact reassurance Izzy needed.

“Babe, come here for a sec?” Izzy called you into his studio one night. “I want Ramona to hear something.” When you entered the room Izzy was sat, guitar in hand, and a gentle smile.

“Ramona?” You questioned.

“Did I say that out loud?” Izzy asked, making you laugh a little. “I’m not gonna lie, I really like that one—I’ve started calling her that in my head. So, just tell me how much you hate it and we can move on…”

“Hate it? I don’t hate it.” Izzy looked surprised and you giggled. “Maybe you caught me on a good day. No, really. I love it. It’s different.” Izzy’s returning smile forever reminded you of how lucky you were to have this life. “Now, surprise us.”

“It’s a new song I wrote for her,” the song he played on his guitar was a lulling soothing melody, his words soft and loving as he described in an incredible show of vulnerability his fears of not getting fatherhood right, but how he would always love and support her and do right by her. It made you cry. You could feel your baby kicking in your stomach and gasped through your tears, motioning for Izzy to place his hand to your belly. Soon, he was crying too.

The day your water broke was a day Izzy was not home, but recording with his new band, the JuJu Hounds, and you had to call him frantically, trying not to panic alone in your house.

“Shit! I’m on my way, I’ll be there in five minutes, Y/N! I’m right down the road!” You could hear the panic in his voice too.

Izzy made it in ten, screeching to a halt outside the front of your house where you were sat gripped with pain from a contraction.

“I thought you said five!” You complained as he hurried to help you into the car.

“Yeah, it would’ve been five but I got pulled over,” he explained. “He let me go though. Hopefully, it doesn’t happen on our way to the hospital, huh?” The force of which you gripped his hand made his face pale.

“You’re not stopping if it does. Drive, please.” Izzy was almost afraid to utter any words on the way to the hospital and would shoot worried glances at you every so often while gripping the wheel tight with both hands. You were sure he was dying to smoke the whole pack of cigarettes on him but had stopped smoking around you.

“Just in case I forget, I never want to have another baby with you.” You groaned. He chuckled nervously.

“Hopefully not with some other man either, right?” He grew silent again at the glare you shot him.

Izzy never left your side through it all and everything happened so fast. You barely noticed him through your pain, you barely noticed much of anything. After a grueling long afternoon and evening, you gave birth to your baby girl, Ramona Leann Isbell, at 4:36 AM.

While you did your best to recover, panting and feeling like you had nothing left to give, you watched Izzy take your newly wrapped baby girl into his arms. The way he held her gave away his inner fear, slightly shaking and with an overabundance of caution, as though she were a precious vase he was afraid of breaking. You watched his eyes, wide with wonder that quickly flooded with love as he let out a soft sigh of awe. This little girl already had him wrapped around her tiny finger.

“Hey, little one…welcome to the world. Daddy’s got you, daddy’s always got you. I’m right here…” he cooed gently, settling into a more confident position. He glanced over at you with the biggest smile in the world and you didn’t even realize until that moment you were crying. “Do you want to see mommy? Yeah? Let’s see mommy,” he brought you over and you sat up eagerly, gaining new strength, and held out your arms. Izzy gently cradled your baby into your arms and leaned beside you on the hospital bed, tucking your hair out of your face.

“I can’t believe we made her.” He marveled out loud to you, pressing his face next to your hair. “She’s perfect, just like you. I love you so much, Y/N. Thank you for giving me this incredible life.”

#stradlin sunday #izzy stradlin #izzy stradlin imagine #guns n roses #guns n roses imagine #gnr #gnr imagine

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