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bazzledazzled · 7 years ago

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I’m not going to lie to you I am 100% pulling these headcanons from the spam of messages i sent @waywardpadaleski but I saw Voltron Hogwarts AUs floating around and I decided to make headcanons because I love this idea ive also doodled stuff and may post some or write something just not rn

OKAY SO

pretty much the houses just go with their lions— but lance is special snowflake im sorry i know i sound like one of those uber annoying lance stans that shove da boi down everyones throats i cant help it i love him but bare with me this makes sense

Okay so Keith is in Gryffindor because ofc he would

Pidge is Slytherin

Hunk is Hufflepuff

Allura is totally a Ravenclaw

What about Lance, you ask? Well u know how JK Rowling said that there’s things called “Hat Stalls” where people took longer than 5 min to get sorted???

Ye well Lance is one of THOSE

It would work with canon if you think about it because he kinda is stuck between the red lion and the blue lion and like-- I know keef is the same way with the black lion but shush

SO ANYWAYS

the sorting hats dilemma is that he’s smart and has the means to excel in Ravenclaw, but at the same time he’s outrageously brave like a Gryffindor

(MY BOI IS SMART FITE ME)

So the hat doesn’t know what to put him in

Then the sorting hat comes to the conclusion that while he could do great in Ravenclaw, he wouldn’t reach his full potential unless he was a Gryffindor (*COUGH* LIKE CANON)

Sooooo-- Pidge is like a year or two behind Hunk, Lance, and Keith because y’know, shes younger and stuff and she kinda gets into the group because of her older brother

THATS RIGHT MATTS HERE

So Matt is a Ravenclaw and him and Shiro are besties ofc

(Shiros Gryffindor sorry I forgot to mention it)

Matt was also a Hat Stall because when i was thinking about his house i couldn’t decide between Ravenclaw, Slytherin, or Gryffindor

But he’s Ravenclaw cuz it fits in with an Adashi thing im gonna bring up later

ANYWAYS

Shiro is also Keith’s older brother, they’re not biological siblings, its just Keefs dad was friends with shiros parents and when he passed away the Shiroganes adopted him

Shiro is ANNOYED because Keith and Lance are always fighting with each other in the commons and he just wants to read his book in peace

Now here comes the Adashi

Okay okay so Adam is Ravenclaw

I know we barely know anything about Adam (*glares at s7*) BUT based on stuff and how the fanon Adam is, I’m saying he’s Ravenclaw

So anyways

Let’s get to Quidditch because that’s part of the Adashi part of this AU

Keef is a Gryffindor Seeker because like-- he go vroom

I lowkey am making Lance a Keeper not only cuz he would be good at it but also cuz of those cheesy shirts that say things like “He’s a Keeper” and “She’s a Catch”

Shiro is a Chaser

Pidge and Hunk I think would be Beaters???? Idk

OH! James Griffin is also a Slytherin Seeker byeeee

Adam is the Ravenclaw Keeper

Headcanon is if theres one thing Lance and Adam have in common, its that they can make people flustered very easily

So ya know what Adam does, much to Shiro’s annoyance???

He flirts with him

Whenever they have games that are Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor Adam will flirt with Shiro, winking at him, yelling stuff across the field, making Shiro so flustered he can’t throw straight (pun intended)

One time Adam gets Shiro so flustered he drops the ball

Matt, a Beater, high fives him

OH! Also Allura is a Chaser and she’s like the best Chaser in the school FITE ME

Okay thats enough of quidditch

Okay so as for family lineage and stuff

Shiro, Lance, and Hunk are muggleborns

They just are

Shiro’s parents knew about Magic because of keef and were surprised when they found out Shiro was a wizard

Lance is the only wizard in his family and he gets homesick a lot because he’s the only one who goes to Hogwarts and he misses his siblings and stuff

But he always brings niece and nephew home stuff from Hogsmade that he thinks they’ll like

Hunk, Lance, and Shiro meet because Hogwarts started a club during the summer for Muggleborns where they can meet and talk about concerns with Hogwarts and magic and stuff with other muggleborns that are older

So Lance and Hunk soon become really close friends and Shiro is kinda their advisor and stuff

Anyways

Keith is a Halfblood, which makes sense because i mean he’s half galra on the show so

His mom was a witch, and idk if im going to have her run away for something or die?? I mean I kinda want her to run away cuz of something so they can be reunited but i have no idea what it would be unless this was during the time of harry potter and it had something to do with Voldemort but i kinda want to stay away from all that so ye

Pidge and Matt are purebloods

But they’re not the stuck up purebloods

They’re literally the Weasleys

Sam has a fascination with muggle technology that Pidge and Matt share

So like, they have a lot of fancy tech

Pidge and Matt snuck a DS on campus and play Zelda at meals

Allura is probably a Pureblood but shes way less snooty, maybe even compared to her parents

As for teachers

Coran is Herbology teacher or something???

Alfor is Defense against the Dark Arts maybe??? I don’t know either him or Zarkon

Haggar is obviously the potions teacher

ANYWAYS

Everyone hates Lotor cuz his parents are teachers and he’s a teachers pet

But back to Haggar in potions

So she’s like the slytherin head thing or whatever they were

so yknow she’s biased

and it doesnt help that her son is also slytherin

(also Zarkon is a Gryffindor sorryyyyy)

(This also could play into keith or lance’s story by them being compared to Zarkon or something and it unsettling them)

(This just in-- I think Zarkon should be the voldemort)

(oh shoot im getting sidetracked with imagining zarkon as voldemort and lance as harry potter)

(help)

ANYWAYS

So ofc she sees that Lance and Keith are always at each others throat

and makes them potions partnets

because it makes it easier for them to get in trouble because they keep fighting and then she can take points from gryffindor

ANYWAYS

The one day they are tasked with making Amortentia, right??

Oh god this is so mcfreaking cliche im sorry

So Keef and Lonce are there, both tired from studying or something so already they’re cranky and half asleep

So they’re making the potion right?

And lance just coughs, a look of disgust on his face

“What?” Keef says. Lance plugs his nose.

“U stink, Keith.” And throughout potions class Lance keeps complaining that Keith smells really bad or something or he used too much cologne idk

Ofc like Pidge is in that class and shes snickering

Lance turns to her like “WHAT IS IT PIDGE”

She asks him if he knows what the potion is supposed to do

He’s just like “It makes people fall in love with u.”

“Yes but what else?” Both keith and Lance stare at her blankly. She explains that when u smell it you smell what u love most

Both keef and lances eyes widen

For the first time in forever they’re quite the entire period

Keith has a gay panic

Lance has a bi panic

they are disasters

Shiro confronts pidge after that day

“Pidge what did u do to keef and lonce they’re broken”

Pidge is all like, “Excuse me????”

“They’re being nice to each other.”

Hunk, who is also there, just snorts

“Pls explain this to me,” Shiro says, exasperated

Pidge explains the Amortentia scene

Shiro just laughs because of course they were in love with each other

(it lowkey reminds him of him and Adam)

(okay now i have theories that the reason why they made Adam shiro’s boyfriend is because its meant to mirror OTHER ships in voltron *cough* KLANCE and its foreshadowing or something i mean adam does look like lance and shiro and keith are sorta similar)

(shut up candy back to the AU)

Hunk admits that Lance has had a crush on keeth for like ever but he keeps saying its just a rivalry thing

Actual conversation between the two:

“And what’s up with his hair?? It’s like straight out of the 80′s and he has all the bangs over his eyes like an EMO like why is he trying to hide his eyes?” Lance blushes because he’s thinking about how beautiful Keefs eyes are. “Like why? Why is his hair like that i dont understand?? And what does he do to it why is it so soft???”

“You’ve touched his hair?”

“Yeah I was trying to see if I’m taller than him yet” Hunk was just confused but then Lance kept talking about keiths hair and he let it slip when it was like, almost 3am that keiths hair made him look pretty and lance would never be able to make that look good on himself, then immediately said something about the one time keef blew something up in first year because hes an idiot as a coverup

So hunk has known for some time

Even when lance didn’t know

So for the next couple weeks keith and lance act kinda weird around each other

because they don’t know how to handle feelings

they mostly avoid each other, standing on opposite ends of the room and glaring at each other

but of course that doesnt help them at all because for some reason they share a room

(oh my god they were roommates)

The rest of the boys in the room are angry because of all the sexual tension its giving them anxiety and they started sleeping in the commons

I actually have no idea who the other three boys would be because one of them couldnt be shiro because hes older and everyone else is in different houses so

At one point keith just blurts “Whats wrong with you?”

Lance gets all defensive because he takes it in a different way than Keith meant and thought Keith was saying he was flawed or something and he was broken and...

heres the langst

Lance just starts to get upset and is yelling saying nothing is wrong with him and he almost starts to cry because he’s just so confused and doesn’t know whats going on and he feels like hes not good enough for Gryffindor and

He has a lot of emotions

And he says all this, starting to ramble through tears, pouring all of his emotions out

Keef is shook

he doesn’t know what to do Lance never acted like this in front of him before and he’s never seen lance like this, so self conscious and doubting himself

Keith doesn’t know how lance could even think these things because in his eyes-- lance is perfect

Lance has always been so much better at magic than he was

and He’s so confident and such a good Keeper

He gingerly touches Lance’s shoulder.

“Lance I--” Keith doesn’t know what words to say, but apparently he doesn’t need to say any

Lance wraps his arms around him, burying his face in his shoulder, sniffling

Keith is surprised at first because u know keef

He doesn’t know how to react when someone hugs him

He gently hugs lance back, resting his head on Lances and running his fingers through his hair

Lance calms down, his breathing slowing and seeming more relaxed

when he does, keith tries his best to tell him how great he thinks lance is and how hes jealous and all that

Lance pulls away, rubbing his eyes.

“You mean it?” Keith nods solemnly, not looking at Lance. Lance touches his cheek, causing him to look back up, his brows knit together in confusion

Lance doesn’t know why, but he kisses him

(*klance fangirl in me starts screaming*)

and just??? the moment feels perfect to both of them? This was someone they always thought of as a rival, were always jealous of, and were always thinking about. They never truely understood their feelings for each other, until now

Shiro doesn’t comment when they walk into the dinning hall the next morning holding hands

But Pidge sure does

Okay im trying to think of more headcanons involving people other than Shiro, Keith, and Lance because i love all the characters and they deserve attention

Hunk makes friends with two other Hufflepuff girls

he he he yall know who it is

SHAY AND ROMELLE

MY GURLS

Shay and Romelle have been friends since they were first years and Shay yelled at Lotor for making fun of Romelle

they’ve been besties ever since

Hunk meets Shay and Romelle in Herbology because in like maybe 5th year or something Hufflepuff house was taught Herbology with the Slytherins. Every year before that it was either with Ravenclaw or Gryffindor so he would pair with Lance, Keith, Allura, or Shiro

Pidge was a year or two bellow him so they didn’t have classes together in case u were wondering

For the specific thing they needed a group of three and even though Hunk is a pretty nice guy and can make friends with everyone, everyone sorta had their trio

Because ofc he can find a PARTNER that was left out of their group of three, but suddenly they’re paired off in threes and there’s no sad loner who has no friends.

Shay and Romelle have an opening in their group

Hunk goes to work with them

They’re honestly the cinnamon roll squad and when Hunk introduces them to his friends Lance and Pidge immediately nickname them that

Hunk quickly falls in love with Shay

Like deeply in love

He’s always complimenting her and laughing at what she says

Romelle keeps trying to tell Shay that he likes her but Shay just goes “he’s just a nice person, Elle”

The Yule ball comes around ofc

and at this point Lance and Keith are dating

This is probably around.... Sixth year I want to say?

So here’s the line up

Keith and Lance go to the dance together

Shiro asks Adam in like this grand way and Adam is just like “wait we weren’t going together before??”

Matt doesn’t have a date but he invites Pidge because she threatened him (she wants to take pictures of Klance and Adashi acting cute and coupley to use as blackmail and Matt supports it)

Hunk starts freaking out because he really really really wants to ask Shay but he doesn’t know how

Lance gives him a pep talk, saying that she obviously likes him of course she’ll say yes

Hunk is still nervous

Lance is all like “C’mon asking your crush out isnt that bad if she says no she says no, but if she says yes then you get an awesome date.”

“Says the one who had a crush on his boyfriend since second year and covered it up as a rivalry.” Lance looks offended.

“You need to stop hanging out with Pidge.”

Lance decides to be Hunks wingman and starts asking Shay things like “You planning on going to the Yule Ball?” and “What do you think of Hunk?” He sees that she is very much interested and repots this to Hunk

He helps Hunk come up with a way to ask her

And its like the sweetest thing Romelle is in on it and she gives some stupid excuse as to why she cant study for herbology with them

then her and lance hide behind a bookshelf, giggling

Hunk gets super flustered

But he manages to ask her

Shay also gets really flustered

But says yes

oof okay thats three of my big ships canon now for the fourth.

When Hunk first introduces Allura to Romelle, her first thought is “Her. I want to date Her.”

Now Lance and Allura have already come out to each other as bi disasters

It actually happened when Lance got with Keith and they were talking about him, doing facials (they take care of their skin with each other fite me)

And Lance is just like “Yeah so I guess I like guys and girls” and allura is like “YOU CAN DO THAT” and lance is like “yeah????” and hes not sure if shes being biphobic or what and hes scared for like 0.1 second

and then allura just goes “Oh my god lonce i think i like guys and girls too”

And then they just start laughing

I guess I should also mention that they dated at one point too???

I don’t think it would’ve been super long, but probably around 3rd year they dated and thats actually probably how Allura got introduced to the Squad??

Lance first saw her when he finally joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team

He got picked to be a Keeper the second year

So their first game is against ravenclaw

And he’s pretty good for the most part

And then all of a sudden he sees allura flying towards him and she looks so beautiful and how can she be so beautiful and--

She just scored a goal

and he was staring dumbly at her

So Lance and Allura’s relationship kind of developed like it did in the show with Lance flirting with her and Allura being annoyed to them becoming friends and eventually mutual crush

Allura’s actually the one to ask Lance out

They date for a while and theyre actually a really cute couple

(I may be a hardcore Klancer but I do find Allurlance cute on the occasion)

But after a bit... it kinda fades away?? I don’t know they just start to feel like when they kiss its not... not how they thought it would be??

They slowly start to realize that they kinda just want to be friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend

It just adds stress that they don’t want and they want to be able to tell each other anything without having to worry about stuff

so they break up soon after they start dating

sadly

but they dont?? feel too broken up about it???

The feeling was mutual

Plus they like each other much more as friends than romantic partners

They’re like the ultumate brotp

Now they give each other facials every thursday

anyways

so allura finds out that she has a crush on Romelle

and who does she go to?

Ofc its lance hes a successful bi with a boyfriend

So he pretty much teaches her how to flirt

like seriously he teaches her how to flirt

And Allura makes it her duty to flirt with Romelle at every possibly oppertunity

Making Romelle freak out because how is she supposed to read this does she want to date Allura or????

They don’t really go any further for a while, its just allura slipping in little things every now and again or blowing kisses at romelle in the stands as she scores a goal

When the Yule ball rolls around, both Allura and Romelle dont have dates (Lotor asked Allura to the dance because they kissed one time in a game of spin the bottle and she responded with judoflipping him)

But they have fun

Everyone has fun actually

Its amazing and fluffy

(i feel like i should write a snapshot of this so i can finally write a fic that isnt centered around klance)

And a slow song comes on

Hunk and Shay awkwardly dance with each other, blushing brightly

Lance and Keith have their heads pressed together, Lance kissing Keith’s nose as they dance and making keith so flustered he stumbles and they both fall to the floor laughing

Adam and Shiro are that couple everyone is jealous of because theyre so perfect?? Like they have matching outfits and they dance gracefully and they kiss at just the right moments??

Pidge and Matt are god knows where probably videotaping the whole thing

And Allura kinda jokingly goes, “Well I guess then we should dance too.” And Romelle surprises her by taking her hand, pulling her onto the dancefloor

and freaking allura is actually really flustered and she’s blushing, having a hard time looking at Romelle

(romelle is having a hard time looking at her to fsajndvjhaio)

They’re both blushing.

At the end of the song theyre much closer to each other than they started

They look up at each other

And then Romelle squeezes her eyes tight and kisses allura

It barely lasts for a second

Allura is shook

Romelle is in Lesbian Painc

Allura is in Bi Panic

Nobody seems to have noticed

but both girls are dying

And then allura just timidly asks, “Can you-- can you do that again?”

Pidge walks up to them kissing and just goes, “Oh thank god I thought I was going to have to force you two to kiss”

Because pidge oversees everything and knows everyones crushes that theyre too stupid to see

I feel bad for pidge i don’t really know what big moments she should have???

I feel like shes a trouble maker though

Not like cruel pranks or something

But she likes to play jokes on people

A lot of the times that person is Lance

A lot of the time Keith is in on it

I also feel like eventually Allura and Romelle start to join her??

She recruits them for some big thing

Idk what

Its probably like a surprise for either Klance’s anniversary or Adashi’s

And they love this way of life

Romelle betrays the cinnamon roll squad and goes to the dark side

Also a little more about pidge

She was almost a Hat Stall

Her two houses were Slytherin and Ravenclaw

But at like 4 min and 43 seconds the hat announced slytherin

her family is actually a mix of slytherins and ravenclaws

her dad and brother are ravenclaws

her mom is slytherin

OH AND BEFORE I LEAVE

Lances rivalry with Keith started because Keith bought the last of the candy he wanted on the train

And during like 7th year when they’re cuddling or something and Keith is like “why did u start this rivalry” and lance says it’s because he took the candy and Keith is SHOOK and goes “I would have shared if u asked”

and yeah i may add but heres most of the headcanons i came up with

#voltron #klance #adashi #hunay #romellura #allumelle #what is their ship name???#pidge gunderson #hogwarts au #takashi shirogane #adam #lance mcclain #keith kogane #hunk garrett #shay #harry potter

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pirate-kid2k19-blog · 6 years ago

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Explaining the behaviors i grew up around to explwin why im like this. Started writing at 3:06AM and finished at 3:48AM

So basically in tennessee where i was born my uncle was an alcoholic pothead. We used to like plsy wrestle a lot and once i accidentally kicked him in the balls now obviously his natural reflex was to push me and i literally flew out that room so hard i nearly fell down the stairs. I broke my right arm. And i forgive him not just because he apologized but he stopped drinking because of that. He now only drinks on holidays or his birthday. Anyways, i grew up for 5 years around christians, witches, and 2 stoners.

my moms cousin was problematic af if he was famous twitter would cancel him harder than anyone else ever bc of this shit that traumatized me. Ill start with what only traumatized me for like 2 years, but then whatll haunt me forever.

So when i was 3, he was cleaning the cat litter. We had 4 cats at the time so there was a lot of shit in the litter. I was trying to get his attention bc i ended up with the room he used to hsve and i didnt want all the hotwheels cars on the wall, and i wanted to ask if hed take them down. Apparently i bugged him so much that he picked me up and put me in the trashcan w i t h t h e c a t s h i t l i t t e r wnd thats why i never went around big trashcans for 2 years.

Now im never gonna forget this. So he and my dad were having a small disagreement bc he did something wrong on a car they were trying to fix (they used to do that together) and well that turned into a full blown fight. Doors were broken, holes were msde in walls, amd my 3 year old self hsd to stand by the stairs and watch paralyzed by fear. Luckily my aunt called the cops and they stopped the fight before it got too bad wnd they were hurt n shit. But i will never forget watching my dad duct tape my kom's cousin's mouth shut and hearing the police sirens and seeing th lights outside.

Anyways, the people who owned the family home died and we had to move. My granddad on my dads side of the family let us stay 2ith. This dude names T.R. (im not giving out real names, but he used his initials as a nicknwme so we'll call him that.) He wasnt that bad of a guy, except for the fact that i developed insomnia due to not being abl3 to sleep til he went to bed at 5am bc of how loud he had his video games. We wouldve said something but we didnt wannw be rude and i think TR just dirntt think we could hear it. He couldnt real,y afford to take care of his dog with the job he had, and while my dad had a good paying job hed help take care of the fluffy chow he had. But after a while, we couldnt afford it either ehen my dad as unemployed and when we went to get him taken to the shelter to be put down (he was really old and miserable, he hardly got any attention bc 1 tr worked until nighttime 3very day just to afford rent and shit for him snd the dog to live off of, and 2 he was really skittish wnd an outside dog in a pen (though the pen was big enough for him and it had a roof and a little house n stuff, everything was just a bitndirty yeet) so he hardly got contact with people.) He kinda jumped out and ran away. He got ran over later on, sadly.

Once id been in georgia for about a year with an empty house next door (they were renovating it so ppl could live there and they wouldnt have to demolish the building since it was good on the outside and all that), my old neighbors/family friends moved in. This little autistic boy a year younger than me exactly (same day but he was born a year after me), his mom who laypter suffered an aneurysm and was paralyzed on all her right side, and her oldest kid mason who wprked at gamestop. You can tell what he looked like just ehen u think that he worked at gamestop and loved legend of zelda. Anyways, this kid and i hsd a lot of fun bc we hsd a lot in common and we both loved nsture and stuff like that. After abt 2 years, we uhh... did bad shit, we stole alcohol and got drunk n shit, hed steal his moms weed (it was illegal weed, she didnt have a card to get it for medical reasons at the time and btw this is after the aneurysm) and sell it to kids he met in the woods. See in the woods by my house theres a small-ish clearing where the property owners hunt and ride four wheelers n stuff, and we were all told we were allowed bsck there as long as the ppl who owned the property werent and we had to wear orange or bright neon yellow in hunting season in case they came bsck there thyd know it was people. This kid nearly got me to join this "gang" he called it. I was pure and innocent back then and said no bc in order to get in i had to cut myself (i had depression but not bad enough to wanna hurt myself or anything, and i hsd no clue wbt self harm or anything i was fuckin 8) and i just told them that me selling shit we werent supposed to hsve in school (candy/gum, slap bracelets, stuff that an 8 year old shouldnt have access to) was good enough for me. However, i wonder what happened to those kids. Theyre probably in high. School juuling in the bathroom lol. But anyways,this fuckin kid and i got drunk together a couple times when we'd sneak off into the woods and trespass n shit and after a while of not seinf each other, we got to meet sgain. I explained to him what being trans was and that i was a guy and he deadass just told me i already acted like one and he accepted me and called me a guy whenever we were alone (i wasnt out to my family yet). But then his house started falling apart and he moved and we havent seem each other in q year and a half. However, we might get to celebrate our next birthdsy together. We never got the chance to before and if i dont have company over next year on my birthday we might get to celebrate together :)

Some more shit abt this kid: he was the only friend i had up until fourth grade when i started selling art and being less of an asshole. And he knows more about me than any friend i have or used to have. Im the only person other than his mom who understands his memtal disorder so when my mom would babysit him i had to go over there after school in case something happened i could calm him. But uhh yeah this kid and i had some fun times and i hope i get to see him again soon. He still lives in the same city, just on the other side of the city.

About this area, basically im surrounded by woods and rednecks. Neighbors on the right are nice sweet old ppl the neighbors on the left are shady af and we in the white ghetto virtually. The hood is right down the street to the left and im scared to go there unless i was in public school on the bus or like if i had pepper spray lol.

Anyways im yoo tired to keep going gn.

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isaacathom · 7 years ago

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why the fuck all these sorcerers old maes of rothbarts, huh. and whythe fuck do they always turn her into a swan. like, ok, clavius or w/e the fuck from the second movie gets a pass because it was odettes idea (and, again, i love odette, so im all for it. and it was a good plan). zelda has no excuse. did she not know about this. why would you turn her into a BIRD. WHO CAN /FLY/. why not like... a fucking turtle or smth. slow as fuck. stck in a cave in a mountain. she cant do shit. or is it that odettes just got that swan magic shit stuck on her from rothbart so its just swans all the way down. since i GUESS zelda and clavius are both weaker than rothbart, which makes them weird villains actually. like why would i give a shit about rothbarts apprentice if the one time derek met rothbart he killed him after like, idk, a 5 minute fight? yea derek nearly died but thats an average sunday for him. thats how it is. shot him once he died. this isnt complex.

also on the revive thing. that was why i didnt like the third movie. if we say the first one is ‘good’ (certainly not a bad childrens film, obvs). the second movie does enough new that its not just a retread. odette turning into a swan by her own choice, despite the risks, and her saving derek, and her not dying (tho jean bob did, which i did not remember happening, but ok). and it showed a development in the relationship. and encouraged ol dere-boy to appreciate his wife and mother sometimes. thats good. happy for the guy.

then you cut to movie three and dereks just lying to his wife despite the fact she has VERY REASONABLE objections to keeping dark magic shit lying around, given that she straight up died because of it once. she’s in the right here. derek is noble, perhaps, but an absolute idiot. then odette gets captured again, fuck me, then she gets rescued, again, and then instantly gets fucking killed by a fireball. well i mean fuck i guess. then she comes back even though she defintiely straight up died. in movie 1 you can wiggle the timing of it, held her last breath outta the power of love or whatever, but swan!odette got struck by a fireball and woulda crashed into the ground below, fucking her Right up. she straight up dead. so what the fuck gives. how the fuck is she back? which bitch is magic here. did derek fucking call upon dark magic to revive his wife? i have questions. also its just boring.

ok whats movie 4. christmas? THEIR FIRST CHRISTMAS???? youre telling me that the first three movies take place over the span of less than a year??? and season wise, probably like.. 6 months, tops? what the fuck? jesus. that paints derek in a bad fucking light, i tell ya. fucks him right up. god dammit derek. ‘chest with an r on it’ where did it come from? who put it there? ubertas castle isnt the same castle as the one derek has, since derek’s used to be rothbarts. that was a plot point. if i was gonna find some soul box of rothbarts, itd be in rothbarts old castle. so... why is it in ubertas? is my question? ok.

rothbart did you learn NOTHING from the first movie. stop turning her into a fucking swan. you fucking idiot what the fuck. god dammit. oh, so finally derek dies? took em 4 movies and 20 years. there we go. and is revived by the sprit of chr- oh my god. ok lets not worry about the christmas movie. whats the next one.

ok so i guess the reason she keeps going swan is because shes the Swan Princess. as like, an entity. she didnt become it because of rothbart, she was always it, like, spiritually? prophetically? ok. fine. shouldnt a stopped rothbart clipping her wings or whatever. and she is straight up magic? alright. fair. i buy that. it explains a lot. and the dark arts just straight up try to set her on fire? hardcore. but then you kill some random peasants instead. thats awkward.

ok honestly i think i just flat out dont understand what the 5th movie is about beyond like, prophecies, scullions (the fuck is a scullion? squirrels? ok. also the surname of an australian senator, how bout that) and like.... some shit. dunno what the fucks up with that but ok. we’ll just uh. leave that one. at least i didnt have to imagine odette and derek fucking because given how old i was when i watched the first movie im not sure i ever want to think about that (naturally now i have to. oh boy)

‘scully in ghost form’ ok we’ve gone off the rails here, i think. more fucking ghosts. but like, ghost animals. one who everyone can see? which sort of renders his death in the last film a bit moot, if he sticks around anyway. at least in the original three, people got REVIVED by like, Love or something. poor scully doesnt even get that. just has to be a ghost instead. far out.

oh piss off lads theyre like 12. no romance for the 12 year olds please.

‘uberta, still in love’ didnt uberta and rodgers confess in movie 4 or something. or did we all just sort of not deal with that. its not like they died or anything to wipe their memories. so why wouldnt they still be in love, is what im saying. im confused by this statement. oh my bad i skimmed, she fell in love with some other idiot. alright uberta. go for it i Guess. he’s probably some dark mage but alright dont worry about it.

‘count antonios submarine’ his what? his What? no straight up, his what? they have SUBMARINES????? but??? what?????? ? someone more up to date on swan princess lore, how does he have a submarine????? the tech level has been like, solid pre-victorian before this, right. like medieval english shit. where the fuck did he get a SUBMARINE. A SUBMARINE. what the fuck. ? like i know that the ‘reboot’ or 3d movies are kinda weird for the canon just in general but ? a submarine??? lads.

‘now called prince lucas’ it has not been adequately explained to me why this is. are these wikipedia pages written by children? im very confused. why would he be a prince. alise i get, she was adopted, but lucas still has parents. yea he was given up for adoption at some point, but he’s fine now. so. yknow. ? pardon. wouldnt just giving him a title like Lord or smth make more sense, narratively. like the whole thing earlier was that he felt about his status difference with alise (despite alise being an ex-peasant too? but thats fair) so wouldnt like, giving him a lord title or smth fit that without making No fucking sense. is there some other kingdom now? that he a prince of? wikipedia i need answers.

ok i saw the cover for the 8th movie and what the Fuck did they do to derek. no. my man. what the fuck.

something about that face is viscerally distressing to me. they havent put him on a over since movie 5, probably matching his uh. completely fucking irrelevance. but Oof. keep him off the cover, maybe. what the fuck. im wounded. also the fact yuri lowenthal voices reboot derek still fucks me up even though i have never heard him in the role. as you can tell. by me reading the wikipedia descriptions of all movies post original trilogy. oof.

so, Z’s huh. is that right. Z’s. ok so, first, Zorro. second, there is literally a character whose name starts with Z already part of the canon, that being Zelda from the third movie. she’s dead as fuck, but the track record here prevents nothing.

‘ghost rope’ mhm. ‘glass is the only thing that can hold a ghost’ i cant tell if this contradicts the ghost box from movie 4 or not but i feel like it does. i feel like everything i was just told about ghost mechanics contradicts the 4th movie in some way. then again the fucking rothbart box is just a ??? where did that come from. who put that there. did the fucking forbidden arts manifest it. lads? the box confuses me, still, and its been like 15 minutes since i read that page anyway, at LEAST.

so, ghost rope. and the Z’s are N’s. oh ok. cool.

ok again, the submarine. why is there a submarine. i cant handle that.

ok so what ive learnt is that the first two movies are probably the most cohesive, and at the stretch the first four are probably a decent set. basically, the first movie is fine, and you can watch any up until 4 with it still basically making sense (bar the FUcking Ghost Box???? what the fuck). decently cohesive on plot alone. the 3d jump for movie 4 is good reason to cut it out, but if you dont give a shit then thats fine, right.

everything after 4 is just a ??? ok.

a fucking submarine, REALLY

#swan princess stuff #i just spent an hour reading all the swan princess wikipedia pages what the fuck is up my dudes #i stand by the first two movies being good. they probably arent like. the best movies ever? but theyre perfectly fine #and i think they have merit! like they have some good qualities. primarily in the character of Odette! who is the best one #itd be weird if she wasnt considering the series is named for her. but i think shes pretty good in the first two movies. at least in part #the thrd movie is markedly weaker (probably because it was full direct to video) and is just kinda boring. but probably fine #everything after the first three i havent seen. on plots alone i think 4 and 5 seem decent enough? perhaps 6 too idk #7 and 8 i cant really talk on because the wikipedia pages for those are just. incomprehensible. they seem kinda shit honestly #im willing to accept 4 because he idea of derek being the one to die for once is cool with me. weirdly enough #even though i mostly like him. he is a fucking idiot tho and i think he deserves to just know what his wife has been through #and if the man had to die this one time for that to happen then so be it. be a better husband ya dumbass. love you tho #idk man i love odette thats it. shes cool

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