#anyways im jus gonna ignore this problem until it comes to bite me in the ass like i always do

[heather-holloway]

i do believe i have an eating disorder called ARFID?

like the past couple years ive just been ?? when it comes to food? like, its gotten worse lately, but for a while since 8th grade, ive always just had this feeling of puking after eating and ive eaten WAY less than i used to.

i cant eat fruit because of the way i hate its texture and i know my friends/family joke about it and shit but literally i ate a grape the other day and had to run to the bathroom to spit it out because holy shit i was going to puke. i might just be fucking stupid and picky and blowing this way out of proportion but ive been reading about ARFID and it REALLY describes me, ESP ESP ESP with the part of the fear of choking/vomiting (big things that actually prevent me from taking pills). 

literally almost everytime i eat a meal, i always have to eat slowly to make sure that i Positively Do Not Choke or anything. and its like that Every Time. I have this huge fucking irrational fear of choking and vomiting its almost ridiculous. everytime i go out to eat at a restaurant, i always end up in the bathroom, trying my hardest not to puke. i cant even fucking drink any type of liquid with my meal or ill feel like puking. its literally the worst thing and this disorder is the closest thing that sounds like it.

im venting in a readmore cuz i NEED to vent this somewhere and i know my friends cant do anything abt it and im sure as hell not telling my family abt it because we’re already stressed enough as it is, and this wont help at all

(even though this is a serious problem that has led me to.. like.. not take my multiple bottles of pills ive stacked up bc i Cannot take a pill. ive done every trick in the book, and ultimately its just the really huge fear of choking on it that really gets me)

edit: i dont think its as severe, since i still Can eat and stuff, but like... even today at my great grandmas house for dinner i had to leave midway to go to the bathroom bc i was gonna puke if i had to eat any more of my one (1) slice of ham. its ridiculous that i feel like this, when im literally eating nothing. i used to inhale food so much so fast, but now im lucky if i can even finish a side

[athena-athena]

Million Dollar Secret (Yondu x Reader)

A/N: I always struggle with naming fics, and I normally turn to song titles to try to find a name for them.  I put iTunes on shuffle to find a name for this one tonight, and Million Dollar Secret by Lucius popped up after a few tries.  It is perfect.  

The lyrics:

I've got a million dollar secret Can't tell you what it is, I'm keeping it to myself, I won't give it away

I've got a million dollar secret Hope I have the courage to keep it in Won't give in and just give it away

If you really wanna know, baby, come a little closer and I'll whisper in your ear Maybe I'll have forgotten what I was gonna say but Come a little closer, let me whisper in your ear anyway

You can ask over and over But I'm not ready to tell ‘Cause I have all your attention This feeling is suspended in air And I can keep it as long as I may need it Have all your attention as long as it's a mystery

I've got this million dollar secret I think it's best for now that I hold strong But maybe I'll share it at the end of this song

Tagged List:  @celticheart72 @misfitgirlwrites @animeaniseed (As always, just let me know if you’d like to be added/removed to/from my tagged list!  💙)

Warnings:  None.  Teensy bit of angst, but mostly fluff.  

Sitting in the mess hall after dinner, you listened to Yondu talking, while you absentmindedly swirled your glass of water around.  

“When me an’ tha boys were at tha bar last night, there was an asshole in there that jus’ would not shut ‘is stupid mouth.  Kept botherin’ tha waitress, an’ it was obvious she weren’t interested in ‘im. An’ I told ‘im ta leave her alone, an’ he got all smart an’ wanted ta start a fight. So I said to ‘im, if ya know what’s good fer ya, ya won’t take another step. An’ then he did, so I sent my arrow through ‘im.  He ain’t gonna be botherin’ nobody again… Are ya even listenin’ ta me?”

“What?”

“I said, are ya listenin’ ta me?”

“Of course, I am.”

"No, ya ain’t.  Ya ain't payin' a bit of attention ta what I'm tellin' ya."

"That's not true."

"Then what was I sayin'?"

"Um... y’all went to a bar last night.”

"That's all ya got outta all that?"

You crinkled your nose.  "Sorry."

"I don't understand why yer actin' like this. It ain't like ya ta ignore me. 'S'almost like yer in love or somethin'."

"What?"

His eyes widened in realization. "That's it, ain't it? Yer in love."

"Don't be ridiculous, Yondu!  Of course I'm not.  I'm just distracted, that's all."

"Now ya know ya can't lie ta me.  I can see right through ya, so ya might as well come clean."

"I'm not lying."

"Yer fiddlin' with yer hair. That's a sure sign ya ain't bein' completely honest. I know all yer tells."

"You do not!"

He grinned. "Yeah, I do. So who's tha lucky man?"

"I am not in love, so you can stop asking about it."

His grin widened, and he said, "Now yer playing with tha zipper on yer jacket.  ‘Nother giveaway that ya ain't bein' honest with me."

You dropped your zipper and placed your hands on the table in front of you to keep you from doing anything else to give you away.  

Yondu laughed.  “Lookit me.”

“No.”  You were determined to look anywhere other than him, and focused your attention on the control panel on the wall.

“Ya can’t, ‘cause ya know I’ll see right through yer lies if ya do.”

“That’s not true, I just don’t want to give you the satisfaction of doing what you say.”

He laughed again.  “C’mon, now.”  He cupped your chin in his hand and turned your head gently so you had no choice but to look at him.

“I ain’t gonna let this go, ya know.”

“Oh, believe me, I know.”

“Then ya might as well give up, an’ go on an’ admit it.”

You moved your chin out of his grasp.  “Why do you even care?”

“Well, first of all, I thought we’s friends, an’ second, I gotta right ta know what’s goin’ on with my crew members when they keep actin’ all distracted.  Tha last thing I need is fer ya ta be out on a mission an’ get distracted.”

“I’m not going to get distracted while I’m on a mission.  I know better than that.”

“But it’s okay ta ignore yer Cap’n, is it?”

“I thought we were just talking as friends, not as crew and Captain?”  You smirked.

“Think yer so clever.  What if I ordered ya ta tell me, as yer Cap’n?”

“You can’t order me to tell you something about my personal life.”

“Guess yer jus’ ashamed of whoever this fella is.”

You gave him a look.  “If I was in love, I wouldn’t be ashamed.  But I’m not in love.”

“Yer messin’ with yer hair again.”

“Oh, come on!”  You slammed your hands down on the table again.  

He chuckled.  

“I know ya almost as well as ya know yerself, an’ I know yer lyin’, an I ain’t givin’ up ‘til I know who yer in love with.  Could save us a lotta time if ya’d jus’ come clean now.  I ain’t gonna give ya a hard time.”

“You already are.”

“I mean I ain’t gonna give ya a hard time ‘bout whoever yer in love with.”

“If you knew me as well as you think you do, you’d already have your answer.”

“Oh, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“So yer admittin’ yer in love?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Huh.  Well, it don’t matter if ya say it or not.  We both already know ya are.”

He leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms, and studied your face.

“Will you stop that?”

“I’m jus’ thinkin’.”

“Well, you don’t have to stare at me to think.”

“Ya been on this ship fer three years now, an’ this is tha first I’m noticin’ ya actin’ like this, so it can’t be nobody from Terra.”

“Will you please stop?”

“An’ ya don’t really spend much time by yerself off tha ship.”

“Stop trying to figure this out.”

“An’ ya ain’t never flirted with nobody at a bar or nothin’.”

“Yondu...”

“So it’s gotta be somebody on tha ship.  One a tha crew...”

“Just drop it, please.”

“Can’t believe ya’d be in love with one a tha crew.”

You rolled your eyes.  “I can’t believe you’re so interested in this.”

“Oh, I’m interested.  Wanna know who ‘xactly ya find attractive.”

“I honestly don’t know why you care, unless it’s just something to hold over my head.”

“Havin’ somethin’ on ya does sound nice.  Might get ya ta follow my orders fer once.”

“Shut up.”

He placed his elbows on the table, and leaned closer to you, still studying your face.

“That’s really getting annoying, you know.”

“Might as well get used ta it, ‘cause I ain’t stoppin’ ‘til I figure it out.”

Standing up, you said, “Well, I’m going to bed.  Good luck figuring it out.”

“Ya goin’ ta bed by yerself, or is yer mystery man gonna join ya?”

“Do not even think about spying outside my quarters, Yondu Udonta.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.  I’s jus’ askin’.”

“You are the worst.”

“’Night, darlin’.”

“Good night, Yondu.”

__

Later, as you were lying in bed, you thought back over the conversation you’d had with Yondu.  You could not believe he’d actually figured out what was going on with you.  He usually acted as though he was oblivious to things like that, but you knew he saw more than most people realized.  It was why you  should have known better than to let your guard down.  

You were paying attention to him, but you’d gotten distracted by his eyes and mouth as he talked, and you’d lost focus on what he was actually saying. And he was telling the truth – he would not let it go until he figured it out.  

You sighed, and rolled over.  You weren’t sure if he’d ever actually guess that he was the one you were in love with, but he’d eventually run out of Ravagers to consider.  The thought of Yondu trying to play matchmaker between you and one of the crew made you laugh to yourself.  Closing your eyes, you decided you’d worry about it later.

__

“So I’s thinkin’ ‘bout it after ya went ta bed last night, an’ I think I know who it is.”

“Good morning to you, too, Yondu.”  

“Yeah, yeah, mornin’.  Ain’t ya interested in who I think yer in love with?”

“Oh, yes, very interested.”  You picked up a plate, and started looking at your choices for breakfast.

“It’s Kraglin, ain’t it?”  

You looked at him, and realized he actually thought it was Kraglin.  He looked so proud of himself that you almost hated to tell him.  “No, it’s not Kraglin.”

“Ya sure?”

“Yeah, pretty sure.”  You picked up a muffin, placed it on your plate, and walked over to the tray covered in different pastries.  You were so thankful Cook had learned a few Terran recipes for you.  You’d spent the first few months of your time aboard the Eclector trying to find something you could manage to eat.  

“Not Kraglin, huh?”  He was standing with his hands on his hips, surveying the Ravagers already gathered in the mess hall for breakfast.

“Are you going to eat?”

“Wha’?  Oh, yeah.”  He picked up a plate and started piling things onto it without paying attention.  He was too focused on looking at his crew to even see what he was putting on his plate.

“Hungry this morning, are we?”

“Wha’?”

You raised a brow and looked at his plate.

He glanced at it, then looked back at you.  “Yeah, reckon I am.”

You laughed, selected your pastry, then set your plate down so you could pour yourself a cup of coffee.

“You do realize you’re ridiculous, right?”

“Whad’dya mean?”

“Trying to figure out who I’m in love with by examining your crew members in the mess hall?”

“I wouldn’t hafta worry ‘bout it if ya’d jus’ tell me.”

“Nope.”  You picked up your plate and headed to an empty table.

He joined you a couple of minutes later.  “Smart.”

“What’s smart?”

“You not sittin’ with nobody.  Might give me a clue.”

You shook your head and took a bite of your muffin.  Swallowing, you replied, “So ridiculous.”

“Gonna be headin’ out on a mission later this week.  Got any preference who I group ya with?”

“Nope.”

“A’right.  How ‘bout I put ya with Oblo?”

“That’s fine.”

“An’… Narblik.”

“Also fine.”

“What about…”  He glanced around the room again.  “Gef?”

“Whatever you want to do, Captain.”

“Ya ain’t gonna gimme no clues, are ya?”

“Nope.”  You grinned, then took another bite of your muffin.

“Ain’t a problem.  Yer gonna slip up one a these days, an’ I’m gonna figure out yer secret.”

You smiled sweetly at him.  “I’m sure you will.”

He sighed, and finally turned his attention to his plate.  He looked surprised at the amount of food he’d piled onto it.  “I ain’t gonna be able ta eat all this.”

Laughing, you replied, “I didn’t think so.”  

You finished the last of your coffee, then stood, and said, “Well, I’ve gotta get to work.  See you later, Sherlock.”

“What’s that supposed ta mean?”

You laughed.  “Nothing.  Enjoy your feast.”

__

You were on your way to your quarters later than evening, looking forward to a hot shower and a nice, relaxing evening with a book, when your wrist communicator beeped.  It was Yondu.  

“Hey, Yondu, what’s up?”

“Where are ya?”

“Heading to my room.  Why?”

“Meet me in tha common room.”

“Why?”

“Jus’ do it.”

“I was planning on taking a shower and then catching up on some reading..”

“Ya can still do that.  Jus’ wanna talk ta ya fer a while.”

“Is this another ploy to try to get me to tell you who I’m in love with?”

“’Course not!  Jus’ wanna see ya.”

“I saw you not that long ago.  What could you possibly have to say that you can’t say right now?”

“Ya sure yer gonna be alone, or -?”

“Don’t go there again, Yondu.  I swear, you’re not going to find me sneaking one of the crew members into my quarters.”

“So does he know yer in love with him?”

“No, he obviously does not.”

“How’re ya so sure?”

Because he’s spending his entire day trying to figure out who I’m in love with, instead of realizing it’s him.

“Because I haven’t told him.”

“I think he’d notice that ya had feelin’s fer him.”

“No, I really don’t think he would.”

“Ain’t too bright, huh?”

You laughed, hard.  “Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”

“Why’re ya laughin’?”

“No reason.”

“C’mon, meet me in tha common room.”

“Fine, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Good.  See ya in a few.”

He disconnected before you could respond, and you sighed.  So much for a nice, relaxing evening with your book.

__

You walked into the common room to see Yondu deep in thought.  “Hey, Yondu.”

He jerked his head in your direction at the sound of your voice. “Oh, hey, Y/N.”

Sitting next to him on the couch, you asked, “You still trying to figure out who I’m in love with?”

“Somethin’ like that.”

“So what did you want to tell me?”

“Wha’?”

“You made me walk all the way over here from my quarters because you wanted to talk to me, and you couldn’t say it over the communicator.”

“I jus’ wanted ta see ya.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Nah, I did.”

“You know I’m not going to accidentally slip up and tell you who I love, right?”

“Yeah, I know.  I ain’t gonna bug ya ‘bout it tonight.”

“Are you sick?”  You looked at him in concern, and placed the back of your hand against his forehead.

“Very funny.  Nah, I ain’t sick.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothin’.”

“Something is wrong,  This is not normal Yondu Udonta behavior.”

He finally looked at you.  “I don’t like it.”

Your brows constricted in confusion.  “Don’t like what?”

“Tha thought of ya in love with somebody on tha ship.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Ain’t none of ‘em can treat ya right.”

“Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“Yondu… what brought this on?  You were all into figuring it out earlier today, and now you don’t want me in love with anybody?”

“Jus’ been’ doin’ some thinkin’, that’s all.”

“About what?”

“Nothin’.”

“Okay, you’re the one who wanted me to come down here and talk to you, so you’re going to talk.  What happened?”

“I said it’s nothin’.  I jus’ don’t wanna see ya with any a tha clowns on this ship.”

He crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch, a scowl on his face.

“I don’t see why you care who it is...”

He looked at you then, and said, “I care ‘cause I can’t stand tha thought a seein’ ya with another man!”  

“What?”

“I don’t wanna hafta see ya hangin’ all over somebody, while I hafta jus’ sit back an’ act like I don’t care.”

“I don’t understand...”

“Jus’ ferget I said anythin’ ‘bout it.”  He stood up, and continued, “Sorry fer makin’ ya walk down here.  I’m goin’ ta bed.”

You grabbed his hand before he walked away.  “Oh, no, you’re not. You’re not leaving this room until we talk about this.”  You pulled him down beside you, and he sat with a huff.

“Look at me.”

He turned his ruby eyes on you, and you could see the pain in them. “What’s wrong, Yondu?”

He closed his eyes, and turned away from you again.  “It don’t matter.”

“Yeah, it does.  What happened today?”

He sighed, and sat in silence for a moment, before he said, “I been doin’ a lot a thinkin’ today...”

“Yeah, I know.  Trying to figure out who I’m in love with.”

“Yeah, that.  An’ the more I thought about it, the angrier I got.”

“Angry?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

He stood up, suddenly, and strode to the other side of the room, keeping his back to you.  “Dammit, ‘cause I’m in love with ya myself!  An’ I’d jus’ as soon kill any man that laid a hand on ya as ta look at ‘im.  An’ I wouldn’t be able ta do that, ‘cause then I’d be causin’ ya pain, and’ that’s tha last thing I wanna do.”

“Yondu...”

“No, lemme finish.  I know I’m tha one that was botherin’ ya by tryin’ ta get ya ta tell me, an’ I’s sorry ‘bout that, but I don’t wanna know.  Jus’ don’t tell me, an’ if I ever see ya with someone, I’ll jus’ pretend I didn’t see nothin’, an’ we can jus’ go on bein’ friends.”

“Yondu, please...”

“Unless ya don’t wanna be friends no more.  Then I guess I can jus’ be yer Cap’n.”

“I don’t want that, Yondu.”  You stood and walked to stand behind him, placing a hand on his back.  “I need to tell you something.”

You felt his back stiffen at your words, and he said, “I don’t wanna know who yer in love with now, a’right?”

“I think you need to know.”

He turned around to face you, and the sadness on his face almost made you cry.  “No, I don’t need ta know.  It’s tha last thing I wanna know.”

“You idiot.”

“Wha’?”

“You are such an idiot.  How can you realize I’m in love, and not realize you’re the one I’m in love with?  You’ve spent the last twenty-four hours trying to figure it out, and you never realized it was you?”

“If it was me, why didn’t ya jus’ say so?”

“Because I didn’t think you felt the same way.”

“I didn’t realize jus’ how much I loved ya ‘til I thought about ya with another man.”  He placed his hand on your hip.  “Ya sure ya ain’t jus’ sayin’ this ta make me feel better?”

“You really are an idiot, Yondu Udonta.”  You leaned up onto your tiptoes and kissed him.

His other arm snaked around your waist and pulled you closer to him, as you wrapped your arms around his neck.  

When you broke the kiss several minutes later, he grinned at you, and said, “I might be an idiot, but I’m yer idiot.”  

“Yes, you are.”  You returned his grin, then kissed him again.  

[turtle-steverogers]

Departed- Chap 9

here’s chap 9 it’s a doozy. read here on ao3

Warnings: mentions of emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. be. careful.

Editing: minimal oop

Race and Spot laid tangled together on their bed. It was two days after Race’s birthday, and subsequently, the kiss they had shared on the ship. They had yet to discuss what exactly was happening between them, but they had silently agreed to allow some time to simply enjoy each other’s intimacy. Cuddling at night and around the house took on a whole new energy, and even now, as Race shifted around in his place in between Spot’s legs, his back pressed against Spot’s chest as they scrolled through their phones in comfortable silence, occasional kisses were being exchanged. The peace was broken when Race clicked off his phone and chucked it sluggishly onto the floor. Spot flicked his eyes away from his email app, where he had been checking his work schedule, and peered down at Race, who was twisting his fingers. Spot could practically feel anxious energy emanating off of the taller man in waves, and he casually moved the arm that had been draped across his middle off of him to allow him space.

“What’s up?” He asked carefully, also clicking off his phone and placing it on his bedside table.

He could see Race scrunching his nose periodically, a clear sign that he was in deep thought. He felt him take a deep breath, “I, uh, I wanna talk to ya about….I think I’m ready,” He said in a small voice.

Spot furrowed his brows, “Talk about…” he hesitated, “The other night?”

Race shook his head, then shrugged, “Yeah, I mean, I guess that ties into it, but that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?”

“Melissa,” Spot felt his breath catch in his throat, “I’m ready ta talk about what happened.”

Spot nodded, “Share however much or little ya need,” he pressed an encouraging kiss to the top of Race’s head, “And stop if ya need to,” he added. Race didn’t say anything for another minute or so and Spot waited patiently.

“At first, she was perfect. Beautiful, smart, interested in the same things as me. I felt like I could be myself around her. We were a power duo, ya know,” he paused, swallowing, “I guess the first red flags were pretty minor things. Well, I don’t wanna say minor, but they hid themselves. I didn’t realize what she was doin’ was unhealthy ‘til it was too late.”

Spot hummed, listening closely, but not saying anything. Race continued, “She’d, uh, like get mad at me, right? And usually it was because I actually did somethin’ shitty, I realize that. I’d take her anger and harsh words and I’d let her be mad at me, because that’s how ya move past things. Ya get it outta your system, then work it out. I took the blame for things I deserved, but she couldn’t be bothered to do the same. If she did somethin’ wrong and I’d bring it up, she’d twist it around to be my fault. And suddenly, I was the one apologizin’ for being mad at all. I was in a constant state of guilt. I was scared to be mad at her, because I knew I would have to shoulder the blame. When I finally did bring it up, she cried for hours about how horrible she was and suddenly, again, I was the one comfortin’ her for something she did to me. It was suffocating.”

Race was speaking in a lifeless, almost monotone voice and Spot was surprised at how well he was keeping it together. It seemed as though he was detaching from himself in order to recount what he’d been through.

“Then there was the humiliation shit. Anytime we were around a new group of people, or even her friends, she’d bring up shit stories about embarrassing shit I’d done or things about me I’d rather people not know. I tried to tell her to stop, but then she’d jus’ tell me I was bein’ sensitive and I’d hafta bite my fuckin’ lip. It frustrated me ta no end. Also, oh fuckin’ also,” his voice turned malicious as he spoke, “She was fuckin’ awful about my ADHD. Like, she had no patience for my shit and when I’d get overwhelmed she’d fuckin’ leave me to rot. Or-or if I didn’t take my meds? God, she’d fuckin’ snap at everything I did. I think she was embarrassed, but-” he cut himself off shaking his head, “Anyway, it started gettin’ really bad around last Winter.”

Spot tensed his shoulders in anticipation. He had a feeling he knew what was coming, but he still didn’t want to hear it.

“We were fightin’ every week- constantly goin’ ta bed angry. Shoutin’ at one another, or more like, her shoutin’ and me tryna reason. It was exhaustin’. But then, one night,” Race’s voice wavered and he took a moment to compose himself, “One night she had this fuckin’ sick idea that we’d fuck away our problems. I agreed ‘cause I was too tired not ta, but as soon as we started, I wanted ta stop. My skin felt like it was burning, I-” his breath hitched and he quickly sat up, moving away from Spot and wrapping his arms around himself.

Spot watched helplessly, “Racer, if this is too much you can-”

“No,” Race said, voice shaking, “I needa do this, please.”

Spot nodded, biting his lip, “Alright.”

Race looked down at the sheets and heaved a breath, “Our, uh, our fights were replaced with sex. It was almost every night, whether I wanted ta or not. I tried to say no sometimes, but she’d ignore me until I gave in. I was so tired of fightin’ that I jus’ fuckin’ went with it, but this was worse. I was stuck.”

Spot felt anger bubble in his stomach and he bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from lashing out and interrupting Race.

“I had enough one night and I tried ta walk away while we were…” Race pursed his lips and shook his head, steeling himself, “But she cornered me and slapped me really fuckin’ hard before I could even get my shirt on. I was shocked and she seemed to realize that it gave her leverage. From then on, whenever we disagreed about somethin’, she’d slap me, or flick me, or do somethin’ to get me to stop fightin’ her way. I knew it was bad, but I told myself that she wasn’t outright punchin’ me or nothin’, so it was fine. ‘Sides, I was the guy so-”

“Hey, no, that doesn’t excuse shit,” Spot cut in, “Guy or gal, a hit is a hit.”

Race grimaced, “I know that, Sean, I was jus’ in denial. I dunno. Anyway. it went on like that for a few weeks until, uh, fuck..” his eyes glazed over and he fixed his gaze on a place above Spot’s shoulder.

Spot felt unease grip at his spine and he sat up ever so slightly, “Racer?”

Race shook his head, eyes focusing again, “Sorry, sorry, uh. So, it went on like that until one night I’d had enough and I tried ta stop her by grabbin’ her wrist and twistin’ it,” he winced, “I hate that I did that, but I was so tired of, uh, yeah. I let go as soon as I’d grabbed her, but he was livid. Started throwin’ things. Got me right in the rib with an iron- I still have the scar.” Race lifted his shirt to reveal a long, white scar right below his left pec, “hurt like a bitch.”

Spot could see Race trembling as he lowered his shirt back down. He ran a hand through his blonde curls and blinked a few times, breathing through his nose, “The slaps never stopped, but now she wasn’t afraid to go harder and I endured it. Kept tellin’ myself that I’d be too much of a burden to ask for help. I started ta think I deserved it. Until that day when she was drunk. Came at me with that broken bottle and somethin’ in me snapped. I was hurtin’ and done and so so tired, I just couldn’t anymore. As soon as she was satisfied with her handywork, I fuckin’ left. And that’s when I came ta you,” he met Spot’s horrified gaze and sighed, “I don’t know why I didn’t jus’ leave as soon as she started bein’ shit, but I was so so lost,” his voice sounded tired and Spot wanted to scream.

“I love you, Spot,” Race choked out, voice thick, “You saved me and I wanna be happy with you, but I’m so fuckin’ scared.”

Spot shook his head, dumbfounded. He searched for the right words as he began to speak, “Race, I know you went through hell. Fuck, I’m gonna end that bastard next chance I get. But as far as we go, just know you are always safe with me.”

“I jus’ don’t know what I’m ready for, yet,” Race said, sniffling, “I wanna be with you, but..”

Spot leaned forward, tapping Race’s chin lightly to get him to look at him, “You’re settin’ the pace here, Racer,” he said softly, “You let me know what you’re ready to do and what you’re not. You let me know what your boundaries are and I swear on the heavens that I’ll stay in them.”

Race’s face crumpled and he pressed a wet kiss to Spot’s lips, who reciprocated it, then pulled him into his chest, “You’re in control, Antonio.”

“Thank fuckin’ God.”

—

we get relationship development next chap and Spot’s thoughts so stay tuned

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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