#anyways i hope this is over with now and carina does realize that she does come before work for maya

[mayasdeluca]

You wanted proof? Here’s your proof.

[doc-pickles]

you’re the one that I want (at the end of the day)

Jo endures the longest day ever, because nothing can ever be simple for her and Alex can it?

hey friends! this is a little follow up fic to half a heart (without you) that I posted last week. anyways hope you enjoy :-) also thinking I might want to make this into a mini series so if you have any suggestions/prompts for this universe let me know.

xoxo nina

She knows, earlier than the last time she thinks, but she definitely knows.

And yet, despite knowing (or at least thinking she knows) she does nothing. Because if she’s honest with herself she’s a little scared.

They weren’t planning this, in fact she doesn’t even know when it happened. Liam is 3 and Alexis and Eli are about to come out for the summer. And her and Alex are both in really good places at work and they finally have a good rhythm down, she doesn’t want to disturb that.

And another baby would definitely disturb that.

But of course, the longer she pushes it off the more obvious it becomes. Carina is constantly eyeing her these days, prompting Jo to hurry away from any lingering interactions with her. Link is starting to get suspicious at how often she’s turning down drinks with him, even going so far as to pack a flask in his work bag in hopes of enticing her to drink.

And don’t even get her started on Alex.

He hadn’t been around until she was halfway through her pregnancy last time, but the man is observant and can obviously sense that something has changed with his wife. He’s been treating her like a porcelain doll, like one wrong move on his end will break her in half, and she hates every minute of it.

It’s probably the lack of coffee that’s giving her away or maybe it’s her refusal to let him anywhere near her aching chest or it could be the way she’s falling asleep as soon as they get in the car every night. Whatever it is, Jo knows she should take a test and just get it over with already so she can tell her husband.

However, not everything is that easy as Jo learns.

She’s about to check in on some of her patients when she gets a 911 page to the trauma bay. Even without context, the page has her heart plummeting in her chest.

Jo rushes downstairs as fast as she can, nausea rising in her chest as she reaches her destination. There’s police everywhere and she can’t seem to find anyone she knows despite the area being filled with doctors and nurses.

“Get your hands off me Hunt, I’m not going anywhere until I see my wife!”

The sound of her husband's voice does little to calm her mounting anxiety as she rushes towards the room where she’d heard him shouting from.

“Oh my god!”

Standing in the doorway of the trauma room Jo is greeted by the sight of bloodied sheets and Alex sitting on a gurney with a frown across his face. He grimaces as soon as he catches her horrified expression.

“It’s not as bad as it looks, babe.”

“You have a scalpel sticking out of your shoulder!”

“Well that’s one less thing they’ll have to bring into the OR.”

“Alex!”

Hunt, who’s standing between the married couple, excuses himself from the room as soon as things begin to heat up. Jo keeps her position by the door, arms crossed as she stares down her husband.

“What the hell happened?!”

“A patient went a little crazy and lunged at Helm with a scalpel.”

“So you jumped in front of her?”

“Hunt and I held him off, I happened to get a scalpel to the shoulder.”

“You have kids!”

“I do seem to remember them, the scalpel is in my shoulder not my head.”

“You have a wife!”

“Yes and may I say she’s looking exceptionally beautiful today,” Alex attempts to grin at her but it ends up as a pained groan.

“You have a wife and kids who are depending on you to come home! You can’t just throw yourself into situations like that,” Jo finally steps forward, quickly closing the distance between them as her hand reaches up to cup Alex’s cheek. “God, you scared the crap out of me. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Hunt is worried about what this thing may have nicked going in though,” Jo lets his words sink in, her breath catching in her throat as she processes them. “I’m going to be fine, stop overthinking it.”

Jo begins to run through all of the things that could possibly go wrong in surgery, her anxiety mounting as she considered the possibility of losing her husband over something as stupid as a scalpel to the shoulder.

“You could bleed out or have permanent muscle damage or… or anything,” Jo holds a hand over her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut as she tries to quell the uneasy feeling in her stomach. She knows then that she has to tell him, even if she isn’t entirely sure herself she needs to tell him. “I’m pregnant!”

“What?!”

Jo opens her eyes to take in Alex’s shocked expression, “I mean I think I am, I haven’t taken a test but I’m pretty sure. I’m only a few weeks along if I am.”

“And you chose now, before I go into surgery to get a scalpel taken out of my shoulder, to tell me you might be pregnant?”

Jo shrugs, tears welling in her eyes as looks at her husband, “I just wanted to make sure you knew so you didn’t do something stupid like die.”

Alex reaches his hand out to grab hers, squeezing it tightly as he attempts to comfort her.

“I’m going to be fine, I already told you this. Please don't stress yourself out,” Owen comes back into the room, fixing Alex with a telling gaze. “Hunt only agreed to hold off until you came down so I’ve gotta go now. Go and get a blood test while I’m up there. And call the kids for me please.”

Jo nods, leaning down to press a kiss to Alex’s cheek before Owen begins to wheel him out of the room, “I love you!”

“Love you too. I’ll see you soon.”

~

Time seems to pass by slowly after that. Jo calls Izzie and the twins who almost jump on a plane before she talks them out of it and assures them that Alex will call as soon as he can. She sends Liam home with Meredith for the night, running downstairs to smother her son in kisses before she returns to the OB floor.

When she settles herself into the chair across from Carina the other woman meets her with a knowing grin, “I was wondering how long you would push it off this time.”

“Don’t get me started,” Jo groans, running a hand down her face. “At least I’m not throwing up this time but my boobs are killing me.”

“Well, maybe you are further along then you realize,” Carina stands from her desk, extending a hand towards Jo. “Let’s go see if we can find your bambino on an ultrasound.”

Jo gladly accepts Carina’s proffered hand, smoothing down her scrubs as she stands, “Anything to keep my mind off of my stupid husband who went and got himself stabbed.”

~

By the time 9 PM rolls around Jo has been sitting anxiously by his bedside for almost two hours. Her head is resting on the edge of his hospital bed, one hand gently clasped over Alex’s as she attempts to sleep. It’s a futile attempt though since she’s gotten up to puke every half hour like clockwork.

“Finally getting sick of me?”

Jo opens her eyes in confusion, blinking up at Alex a few times before she sits up in realization, “You’re awake!”

“My beauty sleep was interrupted by your constant running to the bathroom,” Alex runs his free hand through Jo’s hair with a smirk. “Are you okay?”

“Me?! You just got out of surgery,” Jo squeezes his hand with a tired smile. “Everything went fine by the way, Hunt is optimistic that you’ll make a full recovery. Liam is at Meredith’s, probably keeping everyone up. And I talked to the twins, Alexis and Eli want you to call them as soon as you feel up to it.”

“And you?”

“What about me?”

Alex and Jo share a smile with each other, both knowing exactly what he’s asking about,

“You’ve been throwing up the whole time you’ve been here, you can’t fool me.”

“About that… I had Carina do a full work up, turns out I’m not a few weeks pregnant after all,” Jo shrugs, as if the answer she’d given wasn’t a big deal.

Alex stares at Jo, waiting for her to continue for a moment and groaning loudly when she doesn't finish her statement, “You know you could be a bit nicer to me, I was stabbed today.”

“Mmm well I am pregnant… I’m just almost sixteen weeks along,” Alex’s bewildered expression is enough to bring a smirk to her face. “I really didn’t have any symptoms until two weeks ago, I honestly thought I was maybe five or six weeks but there’s a little one moving around in there. And they’re making me eat my words about not throwing up, as you can see.”

Jo wants to say more but before she has the chance Alex is pulling her down to kiss her sweetly. When they break apart, they’re both grinning widely, “Kinda makes getting stabbed worth it.”

“Yeah well don’t even think about doing it again. Now you’ve got one more person waiting for you at home.”

[oboevallis]

who is he pt 2

i have a lot of prompts and second parts i need to get out, so don’t think ive forgot about them. thanks for all the support and i hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe!!

“Mommy?” Scout asked as he hoisted himself up on the kitchen islands chair. “Can I play softball?”

“That’s gonna be a no.” Amelia answered as she was cutting up carrots to put into his lunch box.

“Come on why?”

“It’s dangerous, I don’t want you cracking your head open.”

“How about soccer?”

“Still dangerous but a bit better.” Amelia anxiously closed the tabs on the Tupperware. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“So that’s a never?”

“I promise we will talk about this, but we’re going to be late if we don’t get a move on.” The neurosurgeon threw her sons lunch box into his book bag and zipped it up handing it to him, ushering him out the door.

______________________________________

“Oh hey, Meredith. I have a question for you how did you accept that Ellis wanted to play soccer? Scouts been asking to play a sport and soccer seems the most moderate.” Amelia addressed her sister as she walked into the lounge.

“Link’s here.” Meredith ripped off the bandaid. “He’s doing a surgery with Koracick, Koracick wanted the best.”

“He could’ve called anyone else.” Amelia sighed, stressfully running a hand through her hair. “How could Tom do this, he’s my best friend.”

“It’s really sad that man is your best friend.”

“Shut up Meredith.” Amelia went over to her cubby taking her scrubs off.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t stay here if he’s here.” Amelia sighed digging through her bag for her causal clothes. “Who the hell does Koracick think he is inviting him here? He could’ve called Torres she’s good.” She aggressively pulled her pants up when her breath hitched when the door opened revealing Link and Tom. She was frozen in place before she realized she had no shirt on, and quickly scrambled to throw it on.

“It’s nice to see you Dr Shepherd.” Link charmingly smiled.

“Likewise Dr Lincoln.” Amelia quickly said before exiting the attendings lounge.

“Amelia!” A voice called behind her.

“Can I help you?” She asked turning around, struggling to contain eye contact with the man.

“How are you?”

“Oh I’m dandy, how about yourself?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m assuming the kid with you at the baseball game is your son, he’s a cute kid.”

“I’m aware.” The neurosurgeon said before quickly turning around to get away from the man.

“Can we get a cup of coffee?” He called as she continued to walk.

“No thanks!” She called back.

______________________________________

“Would you mind taking my kids back to your place? My sitter fell through and their in my office.” Meredith approached her sister who was leaning over the nurses station engrossed in a chart.

“Yeah sure, I was just about to get Scout from daycare.”

“Your a life safer.” Meredith patted her sisters shoulder before quickly leaving. She first stopped off at Merediths office to collect Bailey and Ellis, as Zola was already old enough to be at the house alone. The then trio walked down to daycare.

“I’ll be right back.” She told the children who refused to step into the daycare now that they were big kids.

“Link!” Bailey smiled when he spotted the man.

“Bailey.” Link hesitantly walked over, he didn’t know how Amelia or Meredith would react if they found out about this. “How are you doing?”

“Yeah I’m doing well, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”

“Yeah, it’s been awhile.” The man played with the skin around his nail, a habit he picked up from his former girlfriend.

“The Mariners are doing great this season, you think they’re gonna make it to the World Series?”

“I hope so. They’re on a roll so far.”

“Have you seen the new marvel movie?” He missed the man who was like an uncle to him. They were very close, while his relationship with his aunt had lasted.

“I haven’t gotten to yet, the Mariner players are breaking bones left and right.” Link chuckled, these last couple of years he had committed everything to the team.

“Scout what happened to your eye?” Ellis asked, she had been pretty uninterested in the conversation so she didn’t mind breaking it up.

“At recess I was playing soccer and fell and the ball was right next to my head and someone kicked my head instead of the ball.”

“Well that’s definitely a penalty.” Ellis joked.

“We have to go guys.” Amelia tried to stay as civil as possible, but was pissed Link was talking to the kids. She knew Bailey missed him, but thought he had more sense than to start up a conversation with him. She ushered the kids along, before Link stopped her.

“Wait.”

“What?” She snapped turning around, she hadn’t meant to, she was upset about the school not telling her that Scout got hurt, that her son got hurt in the first place, and now that Link was here.

“Can we please talk?”

“I’d rather not.”

________________________________________

“Mom?”

“Yes sweetheart?” Amelia carefully placed an ice pack on his eye causing him to wince.

“Why was the baseball doctor at the hospital today?”

“Dr Tom needed his help.”

“How did Bailey and Ellis know him?”

“Well he used to work at the hospital, it’s kinda like how you know Dr Tom, Dr Winston, Dr Carina, it’s just like that.”

“He seemed pretty cool.” Amelia simply hummed in response, she prayed he wouldn’t make the connection that he was his father. “Was he your friend?”

“Yeah, kinda. Now we’ve gotta get you to bed.”

“Auntie Mer isn’t here yet, so are we sleeping here tonight?”

“Yeah, we’re here for the night.”

______________________________________

The neurosurgeon tiredly sighed as she collapsed into the couch. It was easier to put Meredith’s kids to bed now they were older, but her son hated sleeping in places that weren’t his own bed, and it was always a fight to put him to sleep. She assumed Zola was still up though, now that she was a teenager Meredith was lax on her sleep schedule. A knock at the door chasing her to groan. It was close to 11 at night, she assumed it was Maggie and she forgot her key and has three jugs of milk because she had a fight with Winston.

“What are you doing here?” She groaned as she opened the door revealing Link.

“I wanted to talk.”

“About?”

“About life, us.”

“There is no us.”

“Only because you made it that way.”

“Yeah, whatever Link.”

“Come on, I messed up. But you could’ve told me he was mine.”

“Who said he was yours?”

“Well you named him Scout, and Meredith told me.”

“Did she?” Amelia rolled her eyes, pissed at her sister. “Anyway it wouldn’t have mattered, you’d only be there for Scout and not me.”

“Amelia how could you be that selfish?”

“How was I being selfish?”

“You’ve been keeping him from me, and Meredith says he’s been asking.”

“I don’t know why Meredith is telling you anything.”

“Please Amelia, we both screwed up. But it wouldn’t have mattered if he was mine or not I would’ve loved him and you.”

“Sure didn’t seem like that.”

“I haven’t stopped loving you, I haven’t felt the things you made me feel with anyone else. Your the only person I’ve truly loved.”

“Seems really convenient to saying this now that you know he’s your kid.” Amelia walked back inside and shut the door. “Bye Link.” She let a couple of tears run down her cheek before she sucked them up, and walked upstairs to check on the kids. Zola was in her former room engrossed on her phone, Bailey in his attic room with Scout on the floor, and Ellis in Maggie’s former room.

“Amelia are you here?” She heard a voice from downstairs and saw Maggie.

“What are you doing here?” She whispered while cautiously walking down the stairs.

“Meredith got pulled into another surgery so I offered to come by, so you and Scout can sleep in your own beds.”

“Mer just didn’t want to see me because she knew I’d kill her.” Amelia crossed her arms, giving Maggie her mom look.

“She really does feel bad.”

“No she doesn’t. She always thought it was wrong I didn’t tell Link.”

“Yeah, she really thinks she’s right.”

“Of course she does she’s Mer, she does no wrong.” Maggie chuckled at the accuracy. “Do you think I’m wrong?”

“I don’t know. I know Scout wants to know his dad, and Link wants a chance to be a dad. But I also know all you want is for your kid to be loved and you’ve done a great job with him, and you just want to protect him.” Amelia embraced her sister in a hug, before reluctantly letting go.

“I don’t know what to do. Link came by today, and he called me selfish. Do you think I’m being selfish?”

“I think your trying to protect your kid.”

“I just want him to be loved.”

“I know, and he is. He has a village of people, no matter what you decide.”

________________________________________

Amelia heavily sighed, it’d been a week since Link had showed up on Merediths doorstep. It had been all she was able to think about. She patted her phone across her palm, debating whether or not she should call him.

“What’s for dinner?”

“I’m not sure, what do you want?” She patted the spot on the couch next to her.

“Pizza?” The small boy suggested.

“We had pizza the other night. What about chicken and rice?”

“Just don’t burn the chicken.” Scout smiled while he said it. Amelia playfully rolled her eyes as she stood up.

“Why don’t you help, to insure that doesn’t happen?” After the pair had dinner, she helped her son get ready for bed. Leaving her alone once he fell asleep, and contemplating whether or not she should call her former boyfriend. She impulsively clicked the call button, and immediately regretted it but it was too late.

“Amelia?”

“Hey, Link. I-I umm, Scout has been asking about his dad. And I know I’ve hurt you, but maybe we can arrange something?”

“Of course I’d really appreciate that.”

“Okay, umm how do you want to do this?”

“I think we should both be there first off, and what does he like to do?”

“He loves the outdoors, he really enjoys when we go hiking or to the zoo.”

“Okay, how about Mt Rainer?”

“Sounds like we would be stuck with each other on a mountain for a whole day. Why don’t we just go to the zoo?”

“Sounds good. Friday?”

“Friday.”

“I’m sorry I called you selfish. I didn’t mean it.”Amelia abruptly hung up her phone.

[spaceskam]

well Michael still chose Maria again over Alex.

Hey anon! I left this alone for a hot second because I didn't wanna just say 'yeah lol' because I'm not a dick. However, I have been thinking about this and I have an idea about it and I made a post earlier but it was kinda all in the tags because I'm scared to have opinions sometimes so I'll say something here because I feel better about it! Fair warning, I am so far up Michael Guerin's ass it's a problem and that is my fault.

Anyway, I think the main reason this is/keeps happening when Guerin literally has the man he's loved for over a decade right there is 100% self-esteem and abandonment issues. And, honestly, I think it’s a good thing. I mean obviously I don’t like that it’s hurting Alex in the process and I think Michael is being an idiot, but I don’t think he and Alex need to be together when they’re like they are.

I think the reason why, right now, it’s easier for him to be with Maria is because she literally let’s him do whatever the hell he wants and accepts it and enables him. She gives playful banter and gets just angry enough for it to feel like she’s not doing that, but that’s what it is. It’s not even just accepting someone for who they are, it’s literally, at it’s core, enabling someone to be their worst and not being able to push someone to be better. Liz said it when she was talking about Diego that he pushed her to be better, but the feelings weren’t there, and I think it’s the opposite for Michael and Maria. You do need more than love and he and Alex do have that, they’re just not in a place outside of those feelings to actually handle them the right way. 

He’s settling because this feels like unconditional, positive attention to him even though in the long run it’s literally a recipe for disaster for both of them.

My personal opinion on how I would like it to go would be Michael realizing on his own that he wants to be a better person and working towards that and realizing that Maria enables him to stay in the same rut he’s been in for 10 year and ends it with her to make himself better and then realizing the person that pushes him to be better is Alex and he does genuinely feel better when he’s acting like the man he wants to be which just so happens to be the man Alex deserves. I don’t even really want there to be a correlation. I want him to get better first as himself and then go for Alex, I don’t want him to try to mold into what Alex wants. I want them to be themselves and happy.

However, the way I think it’s gonna go based on Carina’s pattern of behavior is this: this back and forth is gonna go on for a few weird episodes and then Michael is going to see Alex with Forrest and get all jealous. Maria is going to see them and be like “I deserve better than this” and “I’m so stupid” and so on and Michael will deny it and she’ll believe him like twice because let’s be real this is a fanfiction we’re watching. Then in the episode before the finale of this season something’s gonna Happen to make Michael flip his little switch or force Maria to see that Michael is not over him no matter what she wants and then they’ll be over, but Alex will be with Forrest and it’ll pose another fucking conflict and season 3 will be about Micahel trying to prove that he’s better or some shit. It’s gonna be dumb, but I’m gonna watch it because I’m stupid. 

Sorry for the literal essay response that is so close to MLA format I’m kinda scared of myself. Hope this makes sense to anyone who actually bothered to read this lol

[pastelwitchling]

I’m only going to be talking about Malex in this post because it’ll be long enough as it is. Posts on Maria and Kyle’s relation to Malex later, and my opinions on the other characters only if specifically asked, as I have a lot, and I mostly care about Alex and Malex anyway.

This episode was nothing I hadn’t expected to happen, and yet every moment made my heart race. I personally think, and bear with me here, it was beautifully done. We’ve been theorizing for years that Michael was going to be mad at Alex, that some part of him was going to blame the Manes Men for what had happened to his family, not excluding Alex. I knew he would be angry, I knew things were probably going to end for them, I knew Alex would reenlist, I knew, realistically, it wouldn’t make too much of a difference for their relationship, at least not in the first episode, I knew Alex would blame himself, I knew he would see this as his legacy to fix. And yeah, all of that happened.

And yet, the level of intensity in Michael and Alex when they finally confronted each other was beyond anything I could’ve theorized or imagined. It, as I had hoped and expected, said a lot that was left unsaid.

Let’s talk about the biggest scene; the confrontation at the cabin. Apparently, we’ve gotten word from Carina that Alex doesn’t live at the hunting cabin, that he lives in another cabin a long way out of Roswell, and that we will see a lot of scenes there this season, so a moment to be overjoyed about that please (😱). Okay. Moving on.

When I first read the spoilers for this episode, I was only happy. Honestly, I couldn’t be angry at anything; why? Because we were getting Alex again, I was going to get to see his adventures with Kyle, his new romance with Forest, his badass moments as Air Force Captain, his brilliance -- what was not to love? What happened with Michael and Alex, to me, was the best case scenario in a truly ugly situation. Alex was hurt, and you could see that on his face, but he was a man on a mission, and already as Michael walked away, you could see that determination and rationality and reasoning (Ravenclaw) in his face, this kind of ‘what’s next? what’s the best strategy to fix this legacy my family’s left behind? I’ve lost Michael, but how do I keep moving forward?’ thought process, and that, to me, is a beautiful, wonderful thing. It’s tragic, but it’s a beautiful kind of tragic.

Is Alex going to ever get to voice his perspective? Probably not. And we expected that, too. I’m not saying that makes it okay, I’m not saying that makes it any easier to deal with because after last night’s episode, I confess I was numb for a while, then I wanted nothing more than to burst into tears. He’s so beautiful, so soft, so dedicated to making things right, that even if you dislike him (how???), you can’t help but admit that this man is a true hero, one even the Great Stan Lee would approve of, and I’d bet everything I had on that.

Am I angry? Under my immense love for Alex, absolutely. I’m frustrated, I’m torn apart for Alex because... he’s such a genuinely good person that it honestly hurts me to see him in any pain. And yet, he bears it as only a hero would, and it’s astounding and inspiring and -- yes -- so beautiful at the same time.

Here’s the part that just gets me. Michael talks about how, for years, he’s never said no to Alex, he’s gone where Alex wanted him, and I understand that. From Michael’s perspective, it must definitely feel that way, but... the thing I feel Michael doesn’t recognize, and the thing I fear he may never realize is that... never saying no is not the same as telling Alex to stay. It’s not telling Alex he wants him forever, or that Alex had ever been anything more than someone to sleep with on the side. He’d never even come to see Alex at his cabin, and now that he finally has, it’s for this. Also, can we just address the file for a second? This is where I feel like I may disagree with the majority, but... it seemed pretty on par with Michael and what I had expected from him. Not to mention, to me, it screamed of passion for Alex. I’ll explain.

Alex, admittedly, did not have the best timing with that file, but he thought Michael would want to know about his mother, no matter the details, and he did this despite knowing that it would probably only make Michael angrier at him, maybe even hate him. But Alex did it anyway. Why? Because he thought it was what Michael would need for closure on his mother. I believe that Michael, later on when things have settled, will want to know about his mother, and he’d have that file.

When he shoved it against Alex’s chest, I was startled. We knew he would press the file against Alex, but he completely shoved it, nearly pushing Alex back. I’m not going to make an abuse argument here because I personally think it’s nonsense. Alex is not made of glass, and Michael, despite his flaws, would never intentionally hurt him like that. That said, I understood it, and I loved that it happened with Alex. Because only Alex could’ve taken it. Only Alex would understand that Michael was in pain, that he was pushing people away, and the way he holds on to Michael’s hand, his voice calm despite Michael’s anger, it only proves to me that Alex is saying, Try as you might to push everyone away, I will be here. I’m here, and I’m holding onto you.

Alex is the only person Michael secretly feels he can get angry around because only Alex really understands him, really understands that he’s hurting. Alex takes it upon himself to save everyone, to fix everything, to be everything for everybody, and it’s not ideal, but... like I’ve said countless times, he’s a true hero. It’s who he is, it’s what he does, and honestly, I don’t know how anyone can see that and be mad. I certainly understand anger at the way Alex is treated, the way Alex blames himself, but Alex is so much more than his relationship with Michael, so much more than somebody’s boyfriend.

Carina said in a livestream with Vlamis that this was not going to be a love-triangle thing, that the thing with Alex and Maria wasn’t going to be a “I hate you, and I’m never going to talk to you again” kind of drama, which tells me that Alex is not going to be angry with Maria, they’re not going to argue, there isn’t going to be a thing about it. Alex is, as we all expected, going to just step aside and deal with them being together. This... admittedly, doesn’t make me angry. At all. I’m actually glad for it.

I’m overjoyed actually because I don’t want Alex sitting there crying and bitter about losing Michael. I don’t want him to pine. I can’t wait for Forest to come in, for Michael to see that he is not in fact the center of Alex’s world, and that Alex can love in a way that Michael doesn’t get to experience himself now. I’ve said before that I can’t wait for Alex and Forest, but now, now after that conversation between Alex and Michael, after the way Maria shamelessly goes after Michael, after she comes to actually complain that Michael Guerin is ghosting her as if Alex had never existed in this situation -- I so desperately want to see Alex show how much more he is than just what he is to Michael, so badly it hurts. I want to see his moments with Kyle, his moments with Forest, his badass moments, his moments with his family -- the chemistry he had with Flint just over the phone is phenomenal. My heart was thrashing in my chest at that point, because the amount of chemistry Alex truly just has with everybody is mind-blowing and just so magical to me.

And this is going to sound so geeky, but Kyle looking at the doctor and going, “Did he look like he could be related to him?” and pointing at Alex, it just added so many layers to me (I mean, I applaud Carina for those small moments that speak such volumes 👏🏻), it showed that Alex has brothers, has a life outside of Michael, has a story of his own, one that I’m beyond excited to explore. Also, Alex shoving that doctor against the wall, the way he looks with longer hair and wearing flannel? By the Angel, he looks good when he’s angry in blue and black, I just... I can’t even....

The next episode seems to be an investigation episode, which is what I’ve been waiting for since the dawn of time. We’ve seen Alex and Michael talking casually with one another (something else I’m seriously and so badly looking forward to), which means I expect Michael to realize how snappish he was with Alex and maybe apologize for having been so angry with him in the next episode. At least, I’m certainly hoping for it. I hope others will join me in watching. More thoughts on Maria and Kyle’s relation to Malex later sometime this week.

[ariparri]

I was tagged by @carewyncromwell ! Thanks so much for tagging me!! ╰(*'︶'*)╯♡

It took a while since I struggled to put my thoughts into words, but I finally got this done! So I have two endgame ships here, Diego x Veruca and Carson x Tulip... then there's my other ship with Carson x Rowan... I think I'll stick to my first ship for this. If anyone's interested in Carson x Tulip or Carson x Rowan, just let me know and I'll work on that too! Not sure who to tag on this, so if you see this feel free to join in! Anyways let's get to it!

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

The fact Veruca is a great dueler herself is just part of it. Diego finds Veruca's strong will to be very attractive. He loves her determination to find her brother Coby and put a stop to the vaults and R are one thing, but her determination to get stronger to be able to protect her friends and everyone else she cared about is what got him completely interested. That mischievous side of hers is also a nice plus if you catch my drift ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Above all of that, he’s completely smitten by her smile. He’s seen how some of her smiles aren’t genuine, knowing that she tends to put on a strong face to hide her true emotions. So whenever he manages to make her show a real smile, a true genuine smile, he’s practically blown away at such a sight.

What Veruca finds attractive in Diego would be how much of a charmer he can be. Yeah sure she didn't take him quite seriously in the beginning, but when he spent an entire week trying to prove to her how serious he was Veruca saw Diego in another light. She also loves his sincerity, and how he was very patient with her when she was trying to break out of her own insecurity. Since Veruca is prone to doubt her own self worth, Diego is always there to prove how precious she is to him. And Veruca just loves when he’s quick to sense when something’s wrong with her and immediately does something to make her feel better, it gets her all giddy inside.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

Well obviously yes. I mean, didn't go out my way to make references for their daughters, Marisol and Carina, which can be found here.

Of course Diego would want kids, he loves kids, so having a few of his own would make him a happy man. However, with how Veruca grew up, she's more worried about whether or not she'll be a good mother. But with Diego by her side, she has nothing to worry about as he will be with her every step of the way.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Surprise, surprise, Veruca is really big on the cuddles. And Diego was absolutely ecstatic finding out about this, because they cuddle everyday. Their cuddles varies from the spoon where either of them can be the big spoon, to being cradled, to facing each other having their limbs entangled.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Since Veruca isn't big on extravagant dates or the like, she prefers the simple plans where she has quality time with Diego. Say like, a picnic in the park. However this picnic takes place at night under the starry sky, because Veruca is a sap like that. But because her partner is Diego, he's going to go out of his way to make the picnic look absolutely presentable. We're talking candles in jars, string lights or lanterns hanging overhead by the trees, maybe even a hammock to lay on while they gaze up at the stars. If they're up for it, they also love to duel each other. Since they're out in the open, they limit themselves to certain spells, the ones that cause the least to no amount of damage, I.e. Rictusempra. Dates to the club for some good old dancing fun are a usual thing every now and then, but nothing beats the intimate and passionate picnic dates.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world...))

Veruca to Diego: You are my light

Diego to Veruca: You are my dream

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

Veruca realized she was in love with Diego was when he spent an entire week trying to give her flowers. Knowing he was a flirt, Veruca never took him seriously. So when he started giving her flowers, each day being a different flower, she reacted poorly to each of them and gave them to her friends. She thought he would give up after the third attempt when she had an allergic reaction to the third flower. But when he showed up on the fourth day with a new flower, Veruca realized he wasn't playing around. She also noticed the confidence was slowly starting to leave his face every time she rejected him. So on the last day, to spare him any more pain Veruca was going to tell him to stop trying, until she saw the flower in his hand. It was a carnation, her favorite flower. Seeing the surprise look her face, Diego gives her a sheepish smile, "I should have asked Carson from the beginning, but I wanted to figure this out myself to prove to you how serious I am about this... it didn't turn out exactly as I hoped." Seeing how Diego was desperate enough to go this far to prove himself, Veruca realized just how much she was in love with him. She accepts the flower with small smile and a light blush on her face before thanking Diego and telling him how much she liked the gift.

When Diego realized he was in love with Veruca, was during one of their dueling sessions. Their match ended up in another draw and they continued to tease each other about who the better dueler of the two. With Veruca always showing her smug grin, Diego poked fun at her for not being able to show a real smile. They went back and forth on this topic for a while until Diego declared that if he won their next duel Veruca had to show him a real smile. Veruca found that to be a weird punishment but agreed nonetheless. As she was leaving, she turned back to him, “There’s no need for that, Diego. If you really want that smile so badly...” and showed him a true genuine smile. The smile was so bright, it almost made Veruca look like a completely different person. Diego’s heart practically stopped at the sight. ‘When did it get so bright? Why are there sparkles everywhere? Wtf? How can someone with such a big trouble making streak have the most purest smile in the world?!’ Satisfied with his reaction, Veruca left him staring like a starry eyed little kid.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Diego is the most gentle one of the two. And although Veruca is a little rough around the edges, but she has shown to be gentle towards Diego. It's very obvious by how they embrace and talk to each other. Hands are always intertwined or their arms are wrapped around each other. And when they speak to the other, their voice is always soft and light giving it a loving tone. And Diego is a gentleman, so whenever they go out for walks, he’ll always walk by the road so Veruca is on the safer side. He even opens doors for her, and when they cross the street Diego will take a few steps onto the road to stop someone just so Veruca can walk by and he’ll make a dramatic swooning sound as she does making her laugh.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Veruca likes the finger hand hold, either she intertwined her fingers with Diego's or just holds one of his fingers. This a more romantically playful method for times when she's feeling flirtatious. This is the easiest hand hold for Diego to pull away from, but is still a great way to add some fun intimacy to the mix. While Diego prefers to clasp both his hands over Veruca's own, sometimes even placing a small kiss on her fingertips.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

Veruca: -veruca.exe. has stopped working- -thoughts on overdrive- -code red- -code red!-

Veruca: He... seems quite reasonable... very handsome too...

Diego: She puts on a strong face... but her eyes tell a different story.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Veruca does get jealous. Although she tries not to show it, it's still kind of obvious. Now Veruca knows Diego is faithfully loyal and would never do anything to ruin their relationship. If anyone tries to get uncomfortably close to Diego, Veruca has a stare that could most likely kill. She'll be burning holes in the person's head. However if this person doesn't take the hint, Veruca will have to get involved. No threats, although she is capable of sending someone to the hospital. She'll look them straight in the face and with a deadpanned expression, "you're doing it all wrong... getting his attention that is..." and then turn to Diego and pull him in for an intense make out session right in front of the person making them uncomfortable. After a short while, Veruca will pull away, wiping her mouth and looking directly at the person, "that's how you do it, of course you won't be able to since he's already mine."

Everyone knows Diego can get jealous... like easily jealous. Despite Veruca being able to take care of herself, I.e. punching the bastard in the face for trying anything on her... Diego still can't help but feel jealous whenever someone tries to hit on her. He'll get in between them, having a not so innocent smile before wrapping an arm around Veruca and placing a quick kiss on her lips. Once he pulls away he turns to the person while feigning surprise with an, "oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you were there. Did you need something?" And Veruca being the smug little shit, plays along with him. Even after the person leaves and Veruca has to constantly reassure him that no one will come between them, Diego refuses to let Veruca go.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Most of their kisses are very playful, bunch of light pecks all over the face. The slow, sensual kisses are for the more romantic moments if you catch my drift ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). I mean, there are simple moments where their kisses are slow and romantic.

Veruca was the one who initiated the first kiss, surprisingly. While they were out on their third picnic date night, laying on the blanket under the stars while Diego peppers kisses all over her face. As she looked up at him, she didn’t know what came over her. It could have been the atmosphere, or the moon shining down on them. But the way Diego looked in the moonlight, making him look all godlike, had so many thoughts running through Veruca’s mind that she brought her hands up to his face and pulled him down for a kiss.

L = Love (Who says 'I love you' first?)

It takes place the same night when Veruca and Diego had their first real kiss. After pulling away from the kiss and seeing Veruca's flustered face pulled at his heart strings. With a loving smile, resting his forehead on hers while caressing her face, Diego whispers those three magical words to her, and it was enough to put tears in Veruca’s eyes. It was one of the most romantic and memorable night the two had.

M = Memory (What's their favourite memory together?)

Diego's favorite memory would be during the summer after 5th year, where he Veruca and the rest of their friend group decided to spend their vacation together. Seeing how the sun shined behind her, giving her an ethereal glow and that gentle smile she usually shows to a few people. He was able to see Veruca act in a way not everyone at Hogwarts was able to see. He loved seeing the happy smile on her face when they were hanging out at the beach. That same night, the group decided to watch a horror movie before going to bed. Diego wasn't aware of how Veruca was absolutely terrified of anything horror related. So when Veruca clung onto Diego's arm and saw how pale her face got during a big jump scare, Diego wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer to him. They stayed like that as they fell asleep and into the morning where they woke up to the others taking pictures of them together.

I touched up on this in Feelings, but Veruca's favorite memory would be the time Diego spent an entire week giving her flowers. To prove he was serious about his feelings, he tried gifting her a flower. The first flower was a rose, because of how cliche it was Veruca gave it to someone else. He kept trying with a different flower each day only to have Veruca show no interest in any of them. It was until the last day when he found out that Veruca's favorite flowers were carnations. She loved how determined he was to prove his feelings. Looking back on it now, Veruca found it funny how he approached her one day with a flower she was allergic to, remembering the face he made was enough to put her in a little laughing fit.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Diego would most likely get in trouble by Veruca if he even buys her anything expensive. But he just can't help it, he loves Veruca and whatever he sees that he knows Veruca would like he just has to get it for her. Veruca doesn't have it in her to stay mad at him when he's put so much thought into the gift. There is one gift, however, that Veruca wouldn't mind receiving everyday. And those are carnation flowers. Veruca's way of spoiling Diego is through the little things. Massages every now and then, Diego's favorite would be when he rests his head on her lap while they're both reading a book and she's running her fingers through his hair. Yeah sure it's not an actual massage, but the way she does it sends shivers down his spine. Always making him lunch whenever he goes out to work, and some of the treats in the dish are shaped into little hearts, something Diego originally thought was out of character for her but realized she was truly a big old softie. Kisses galore! Pecks here and there, and everywhere! They both live for that stuff, they can never have enough of it.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Sage green reminds Diego of Veruca, not because she was a Slytherin but because of her eyes. To Diego, it's a beautiful shade of green he's ever seen. Especially when the light reflects on it just right, making her eyes shine even brighter. No jewel or gem can even compare to those beautiful eyes of hers. Denim blue reminds Veruca of Diego, mainly because of the denim jacket he used to wear a lot back in Hogwarts. But the reason why blue reminds Veruca of Diego for how he’s helped her. The color blue calls to mind feelings of calmness or serenity. It is often described as peaceful, tranquil, secure, and orderly. Blue is often also seen as a sign of stability and reliability. Diego provides these feelings for Veruca, and that’s why she’s always reminded of him whenever she sees the color blue.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

Diego mainly calls Veruca by her nickname, Ruca, when she admitted she liked it when he called her that. It's pretty much a big deal to him since he's the only one allowed to call her that. Veruca calls Diego, Heart Throb, for obvious reasons. Guy can get her heart beating so fast he starts to worry he might cause her heart to explode. Then there are names of endearment they often use, such as 'love,' 'sweetheart,' 'honey/hon,' or even the occasional 'babe' every now and then.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

Veruca likes to collect antique pins and brooches. Diego loves listening to old music records.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Rainy days are good days to just sit on the couch and laze about as the rain pours. If they're in the mood, which is usually all the time, they'll start slow dancing in the living room to the rain.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Words aren't needed when these two are trying to make the other feel better. Just being there for the other simply puts them at ease. Diego always prepares a cup of ginger tea for Veruca and proceed to embrace her in a comforting hug while she clears her mind. With Diego, Veruca always hugs him from behind and will either rub his shoulders or run her hands up and down his arm. Nothing is said between them, showing that they have a deep connection with one another and it instantly puts them in a good mood to where they'll start playing around and try to make the other laugh.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

They both like to talk about the good days during their time at Hogwarts. They like reminiscing about all the fun times they had with their friends. Anything they see in their usual day would always remind them of how much fun they had when they were younger. They talk a lot about their future and having a family as well. Diego knows how much Veruca doesn't see herself to be suited as a mother or a wife with how her own mother always spoke of how Coby was her only hope of having grandchildren. But Diego does his very best to push those thoughts out of Veruca's mind by telling her how much of a perfect woman she already is.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Massages usually helps them both relax. Their favorite way to unwind is lounging lazily on the couch entangled in each other, Diego running his hand up and down Veruca's arm sending chills throughout her body while Veruca runs her hand through his hair and they're just breathing each other in.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

It's clearly obvious Diego is the type to show off, whether it's his dueling or his dancing skills. Veruca loves to watch him do what he does best. Veruca, herself, is a great duelist and definitely prides herself in her dueling skills. Another thing she likes to show off is how great of a flyer she is too. And since they're so deeply in love with each other, they're clearly proud of having the other as their partner and love showing each other off. Although Veruca's way of showing Diego off isn't as out there as Diego's way.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

Two years after graduation is when they decide to officially tie the knot. Since Diego knows Veruca isn't that big on fancy and extravagant things, he doesn't plan a big proposal. He'll take her out on a simple date, a picnic at the same spot they went on their first date. Maybe even pull her up for a little slow dance, Diego will start to talk about when they met to how he fell in love with her and everything after. Veruca most likely knew the direction this was going but lets him continue. As soon as he gets down on one knee and pulls out the ring, Veruca doesn't even give him a chance to ask the question before she throws herself onto him.

If Veruca were to propose, it would definitely be quick and straight to the point. Probably after waking up the next morning, as she heads to the kitchen and Diego greets her with a fresh plate of her favorite breakfast and a kiss to the cheek and that's when Veruca lays it out on him. "Hurry up and marry me already." She says groggily, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

X = Xylophone (What's their song?)

Stand By Me, by Seal. It's their go to song to dance to.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Before starting a relationship with Diego, the thought has never crossed Veruca's mind. She had come to a conclusion that she was the "undatable" type thanks to the vaults and her brother as well as how her mother was very cynical about everything regarding her. But after being with Diego for so long, the thought of getting married has never left her head it often distracted her from her work or other activities.

Marriage has definitely crossed Diego's mind before. But he knows how Veruca is when it comes to opening up with her feelings, so he doesn't rush into it. He would wait for the right moment, when Veruca is much more confident in her feelings before he starts planning.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Veruca already has a pet. And his name is Gambat the fruit bat! Veruca and Diego would also get a Collie and name him Pesky for how super active he can be. All his running around can end up knocking something down accidentally.

[malexfan10]

What is it about Malex?

I was playing around on my phone at work (when I should have been working lol) and came across some article about the best TV couples. It was published in 2018 so Malex wasn't in it lol

But I was going through the pictures in the article and I saw a lot of the couples I've liked & enjoyed over the years listed. Pacey & Joey, Captain Swan, Haleb, Stydia, Kurt & Blaine etc.

I started thinking...what is it about Malex that makes them extra special for me? What is it about them that made me join Tumblr and Twitter for the first time? I never had either before this year. What is it about them that made me write more fan fic in the span of 3 months than I have in years of watching other shows? And I'm someone who studied English Lit in university and have written many novels, hoping to finally pursue publishing this year with one of them. But the amount of fan fic I've typed out the past 3 months? My hands seriously hurt!

So why is Malex so special?

(I made a collage below)

Is it because they're an LGBTQ pairing? There have been other LGBTQ pairings I've rooted for. Malex isn't the first and they won't be the last. Times are changing in TV land and we're seeing more and more representation. It's progressing slowly, but it is changing.

Is the reason Malex is extra special a shallow reason? The actors are both incredibly good looking. No getting around that. But I loved Haleb too and Tyler was one half of that ship. I adore Joshua Jackson and Dylan O'Brien. I think Holland Roden is beautiful. In the couples I've followed over the years, all the actors & actresses have been attractive in their own ways.

-- side note -- I know I put Destiel (SPN) in the collage below even though technically they're not a couple but some of their lines over the past decade, I mean come on! It's so obvious! --

Anyway...

Is it the chemistry between Tyler & Michael? I thought Katie & Josh had amazing chemistry. Only reason I watched PLL was for Haleb and the friendship between Tyler & Ashley. Some of the couples I've rooted for really sizzled on screen. Do I think Vlamburn has better chemistry than all the others? Not necessarily. I think they tie for first with some of my other faves (although I would probably rank them above right now just because they're current).

So what is it about Malex that made me so emotionally invested that I joined social media like this? That I've written a bunch of fics and have so many other concepts cooking in my head.

I think it comes down to the angst at the end of the day and how the story has been written.

I've directed a lot of disappointment and anger towards Carina and the writers since that finale because I'm afraid the triangle will grow and span multiple seasons. I'm afraid the writers will show Michael really starting to have deep feelings for Maria the longer M&M exists (I know Vlamis said in those last interviews that his feelings for her are already very deep but sorry Vlamis. I love you but I don't see that yet.) I'm afraid now that they know they were renewed, they'll drag this storyline out, pursure M&M and then Michael with other relationships if/once M&M ends with Alex just waiting in the sidelines, moping and heartbroken.

But despite all my fears and disappointments after that craptastic finale (seriously, I can write a 20 page essay), I have to give the writers their credit.

The story they wrote, the beauty they created in Malex, with that amazing angst and history and love is the reason I'm so invested.

"Where I stand, nothing's changed"

"I never look away"

"That I loved you and I think that you loved me."

"Cosmic"

"But you are mine"

"I don't look away Guerin"

"I love him. I probably always will"

I mean, these lines all exist. No one can take those words away. Yes, the writers can try and diminish it by shoving another relationship down our throats & attempting to give that relationship the same level of meaning and importance (sorry, not buying it. Hardly anyone is). But those lines will always be there.

The epicness of Malex will always be there.

That beautiful first kiss in the reunion will always be there.

Their connection in senior year, bonding over their painful childhoods and living situations will always be there.

Caulfield, although bittersweet, will always be there.

Michael Guerin wanting to be Alex's hero will always be there.

The angst and love between them is just unbelievable. I don't think any other couple I've rooted for over the years has had the same amount of angst or history. Their story is just beautiful.

I don't cry too much in movies or TV shows unless there's a really sad death that hits me hard. LOST was one of those shows where I sobbed constantly (Jin & Sun's death, Juliet's, Charlie's...I could go on).

But I cried after that last scene in episode 6, when Jesse destroyed such a beautiful and pure moment 🥺

I cried at that moment in Caulfield 🥺

I cried at the finale, watching Alex just waiting there while Michael....let's not remind ourselves 🤨

So yes, the chemistry is unbelievable between Tyler & Michael. How close they are offscreen shines through their performance and this is in a cast where everyone's close. But with Vlamburn, especially from Michael, he's so unfiltered when he talks about Tyler's eyes or the way he kisses or just how much he loves him. What can I say, they make me love Malex more ❤

Yes, they're both incredibly good looking but that's a miniscule, shallow reason. How good looking a couple is in no way compares to how much their emotional connection matters, at least for me.

So really, it's the story. It's the history. It's all that profound, made for each other, soulmates love that they share. It's the incredible angst that makes me root for them even more.

And yes, as much as Carina and crew have angered me after that finale and after their insistance of shoving this triangle down our throats and in our faces, they did create Malex so I have to be grateful for that. Vlamburn perfected it and made it epic but the concept came from Carina (trust me, it hurts to give that credit).

So as much as it still hurts with what happened, as much as seeing the M&M promos bothers me, as much as I'll be a sobbing mess once season 2 hits and Alex realizes what happened, I have to believe that this much care and heartbreaking angst was given to this couple for a reason. That reason has to be that Malex is endgame.

Can Carina change her mind about Endgame Malex? Sure she can, if she wants to lose a substantial percentage of the fandom. But I can't believe she'll do that.

I can't believe that Malex is anything but each other's ending.

I can't believe that this beautiful love story we've seen between 2 men who started as scared, lonely boys and are now broken men trying to put themselves back together is anything short of EPIC.

I can't believe that M&M, however painful and ridiculously unnecessary, is anything but a bump in this road for Malex.

All that matters is how the writers take us from point A to B.

Does their separation last for 4 more seasons (pending renewals) and Malex reunites in the series finale, season 5? God I hope not. I need to see them existing as a couple together on screen, not just a kiss and makeup moment last episode and assume they made it. So once this teenage level of triangle nonesense has been dealt with (please let season 2 be the end of it!!!!), I really hope the writers realize the amazing couple they created and give them their due justice by bringing Malex together for good.

Episodes 1, 2, 3, 6, 8, last Malex scene of 9, beginning of 10 and all of 12 point this show towards one inevitable ending with Malex and that's reuniting (did I get the episodes right?). Just keep your fingers crossed it happens sooner rather than later. Right now, that's where my main fears lie.

This fandom has been super great about lending support to one another when things get tough. Unfortunately, things will get even tougher next season so it will be good to have this great support.

As far as the promos and interviews we'll be getting between now and 2020, I'll try to only watch interviews that Michael & Tyler give together and avoid anything that seems like M&M promotion (outside of full cast interviews or festivals etc). I love all the actors on this show. They're all wonderful and talented and deserve our love and support (not commenting on that Nathan instagram thing).

But as a Malex fan, I have no place in my life for unnecessary stress from a TV show because honestly, as invested as I am, it's still just a TV show. No need to give myself more heartbreak before season 2 even airs by watching pro M&M interviews like yesterday. I'll just stay in my happy Malex bubble until then (and then die when I see M&M next year 😭).

In the end of this long post, all I wanted to say is that Malex is extra special, head and shoulders above others ships I've rooted for and that's mostly because of the beautiful story I've seen on screen but Vlamburn defintely plays an imortant part in making it epic ❤

I'm a Malex lifer. Nothing will ever change that.

❤

[pandoraylamcraziness]

(after reading littlecountrymouse personal view of these events I felt I had to take this off my chest but I didn’t want to hijack their post)

So I had an epiphany this night before watching this last episode. 

I was waiting for the ep, and meanwhile I was watching (mostly listening) some Malex fanvids. It always seemed weird to me how fast I shipped these two idiots. The intensity I wished for them to be happy. The weird connection I had with Alex, even though I loved Michael. 

I had this thing with Alex in wich I understood where he came from, but still sting how he continued to go away from Michael over and over again. How he tried to make their relationship a secret, hurting Michael in the process.

One day I realized it’s bc that happened to me. I loved someone but she was scared (of what exactly I don’t know, bc our social circle was very open and had already open queer people). She kept going away, looking away. Tried to simply not talk about what we had. And that still hurts to this day.

So I though that maybe that was why I sympathised with Michael: he was “me”. He was experiencing the same as me, but with one difference: I wished I had his personality. He fighted for what he wanted, he was afraid of being rejected, but still put himself on the open for the chance Alex would choose him for one last time. Until the next last time. Over and over for 10 years.

Michael was who I wished I was, while living the same experiences.

But that didn’t explain why I felt wary about Alex. I loved him, and again, I get where he comes from. I cheered when he smacked his garbage of a father with his cane, feeling a vindication way too intense. I was emotional when he stood for Michael, wanting to protect him. And I was incredibly proud when he started to open up to Michael about his feelings.

But I still felt like I was missing something. 

Michael I wanted to protect. Bc he was going through the same things as me. I wanted to throw a blanket at him and hug him and tell him everything was going to be ok. 

But Alex? Why I felt this visceral with him?

Until this night when I was listening fanvids and a phrase I had listened thousands of times suddenly resonated with me and I had the hardest epiphany wearing pajamas and laying down in my bed with my dogs:

“No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I wanna say”

Now, I had spent the last year saying to my friends and whoever listen to me the importance of representation in media. And not bc you had to “fill a quota” or bc people want to see themselves on tv (shocking!), but bc media shape the way we see the world. Shape the way we react in certain situations. Can shape the way we see friendship, romantic relationships, family. Everything. 

And since “Love Simon” came, I’ve been saying over and over how that movie would have changed my world if I my teen self could watch it. How it would have changed EVERYTHING. The notion that queer relationships are not inherently doomed to tragedy and drama. That yeah, the world is shit and there are homophobic people, but if you have a support network in your friends and family, your relationship does not have to be any different than a hetero one. That queer people CAN be happy. That a queer love story doesn’t have to end in tragedy like it’s part of its DNA. That movie would have rocked my world.

And then I go back to that haunting phrase (to me):  “No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I wanna say”

That. That was ME. 

I suddenly realized why I felt that way with Alex. Bc I recognized myself in him, of all things. He was hurting Michael yes, but he was being a coward with himself. No matter his motives (protecting Michael), he was labeling their relationship as doomed. He wasn’t willing to fight for it bc he didn’t see a way out, a way for them to be happy. For him every time he was with Michael was stolen time. Because no matter what, what they had was doomed from the start.

Until the moment he goes “fuck that” and say that no, he was tired of walking away. He was tired of never saying what he wanted to say.

And that was me. That was me always trying to fight for what we had and in the last minute walking away, never saying what I wanted to say. Never saying “I love you. And I think you love me”. Because what was the point? Our story was doomed for tragedy anyway the moment we fell in love.

And I layed there in my bed with tears in my eyes like a fucking idiot bc I had an epiphany about something it happened 10 years ago, thanks to a fictional character that to that moment I didn’t understand why he bothered me. 

And THAT is why representantion matters. Because no matter how some stories like “Love Simon” could have changed my perception of the world, that fucking line, that fucking character would have changed my LIFE. To see someone in that situation and saying “No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I wanna say”. Alex fucking Manes would have changed my life. And I have no idea where I would be right now if I could have found him 10 years ago.

So with all this emotional storm inside me I came to watch the ep. Rewatching the Malex moments in 1x12 bc I’m a masochist and I wanted to see them again with this new found perception of Alex. Needless to say I was a wreck before the last ep even started.

Then everything happened, I got sucked into the story and suddenly Alex was trying to tell Michael everything he had in his chest in the worst moment possible. Bad timing is the new star crossed. But I was SO happy, I was ecstatic, so hopeful and SO SO PROUD OF HIM. He did it!! He fucking did it, he opened to Michael and put everything in the open!! I was going to see finally these two happy! I was going to see what could have happened to me if only...

And then in a matter of minutes everything went to shit and a cover of With Me starts to play. And I couldn’t even apreciate the wink to the original show because suddenly all I can see is Alex Manes alone waiting for the love of his life who will never come bc he choose the less complicated choice over him the moment he opened his heart after 10 fucking years.

And that broke me. Because that’s not on Michael or Maria. That’s a writing choice. A writing choice for cheap emotional shock value. And they made it after saying out loud their love was “cosmic”, they were family and how they will probably love each other always.

Because they were together in secret for 10 years, but the moment they open their hearts and decide to not hide anymore, suddenly everything goes to shit.

And what I get is that being brave only gives you heartbreak. And that being a coward destroy your soul into tiny pieces but hiding is better than the alternative. 

Great message Carina and co. You just basically said that hiding your love is preferable than being in the open. That a bi guy that loved for 10 years a gay guy, 10 YEARS (!!) would jump into a safer relationship with a woman (who is the BF of his beloved) the moment the gay opens up to him. Great. Just fantastic.

[b0ne-marrow]

Valorverse - Ships

Welp. I wanted to doodle one of the "Crack"ships I came up with after watching the recent MLP movie, and started a doodle page where I was gonna add more ships and stuff that came to mind, as I saw another Crack-ish ship that I liked and debated on as well lol I moved some doodles and made them their own drawings (The Ocellus drawing I posted recently was one of them for example) and struggled to fill the page but I remembered one of the old ships I touched upon LOL. And without further ado I shall get to the ships. 1. Derpy x Kerfuffle This is the crackship I am talking about above, lol. I don't know where it came from, but I just find this ship dynamic really sweet. Both Kerfuffle and Derpy are adorable rays of sunshine and I only imagine their relationship as a goo-y mushy mess, lol. They met when Kerfuffle came to Ponyville to visit Rarity's boutique after the Rainbow Roadtrip movie. She had to mail something out while visiting and they just hit it off right off the bat. It didn't get romantic for a while, but they were always close, bonding over their cheery demeanors and shared (But vastly different) experiences as disabled ponies. I imagine Derpy to be really romantic and kinda like a Crow/Raven, finding little things that she loves and reminds her of Kerfuffle and giving them to her. (Also I struggled with Kerfuffle's leg on this so I'm sorry if it looks off. it was hard to translate it into my style of drawing legs, plus I redesigned it a bit lol. 2. Marble Pie x Sugar Belle Now this one came kinda out of nowhere lol. It was kinda spawned from a lovely headcanon drawing piece done by :iconItsTechTock: itsTechTock that you can see here!: https://www.deviantart.com/itstechtock/art/HC-Sweet-As-Pie-808490066 They, of course, didn't ship them and talks about something completely different, but my brain started thinking about them and thought they'd be really cute together actually, lol. I feel like in the Valorverse they met through Big mac, both of them being his exes. Sugar Belle just adores how shy Marble is, even though she's trying to help her overcome that. 3. Fluery Heart x Ocellus I saw this ship (Well, Flurry Heart. Fluery's the Valoverse's version of Flurry) in an adorable drawing you can see here: https://www.deviantart.com/peachydust/art/AU-NextGen-Carina-806723551 and I've liked it since, though I have a bit of qualms with it pertaining to my nextgen. (Mainly the age gap if I'm going to be right honest but age gap doesn't necessarily mean youKnowWhat's going on.) Fluery and Ocellus met on "official" princess duties. Princess Cadence has done all she can to strengthen the bond between Changelings and Ponies since the war broke out, and because of that there's been a lot of meetings between them and other leaders around the world. Since Fluery and Skyla are both technically princesses, she would bring them along (as well as her other children occasionally) with her. For similar reasons, Thorax and Chrysalis would bring Ocellus with them. Not really being a part of the political aspects of being Princesses, Fluery, Skyla, and Ocellus would often wander off and go do something else while the adults talked things through, though it took a while for Fluery to be interested in what they did. (I'll post a writing here at some point about that.) Soon enough they would become the closest friends, even making time to go see and talk to each other outside of meetings. Though Skyla didn't go with them outside of the meetings, and eventually had to attend them herself, she was the big sister of the group making sure they didn't get in too much trouble, lol. One day, as they're hanging out, Fluery happens to drop a particuarly funny joke that gets Ocellus really laughing, and she kinda realizes that wow... she's really cute when she does that and oh... she kinda maybe possibly has a crush on her BFF. Ah shit. Skyla totally gives her shit about it though cuz she knew since the beginning lol. I might keep this just a crush on Fluery's end, Ocellus not really picking up on it or not repricating her feelings. I'm not sure though. I do at least think it'd be hilarious if Ocellus didn't pick up on it at first, lol. 4. Pharynx x Tymbal(?), Feelings Forum Changeling I kinda hinted at this one in the Ocellus drawing lol. So I saw it in a stamp: https://www.deviantart.com/cascayd/art/Pharynx-x-Feelings-Forum-Changeling-Stamp-776221176 and at first, I just found it weird and not really my ship tbh but it really started growing on me after rewatching the episode they're in the last few days, lol. Total grumpy pants that's completely soft for a ray of sunshine/calm gentle person is just a trope I like lol. Tymbal knew Pharynx before the hive transformed and they were kinda close then. She wasn't nearly as hippy-ish and theraputic as she is now though, and was actually a hardcore fighter herself. She identified as a guy before the transformation mainly because most Changeling drones/guards did. She and him were great together in battle and were buds because of it. It broke her heart to see her friend struggle so much with the new changes in the hive, wishing she knew how to help besides with the Feelings Forum and Art classes that he hated. She really couldn't reach him until after his transformation. After that, Pharynx seemed to open himself up to getting help and and participting in other things within the hive. Only then was she really able to help, getting him to vent out his feelings in a more healthy way and particpate in the creative art classes there are. Suddenly, Pharynx finds that the icky and yucky feelings and frilly bullshit the changelings did together were a lot more tolerable when he did them with people he loved and was friends with. and eventually, with all the time they've spent together, they fall in love. and Pharynx fucking HATES it and how she makes him feel. He started getting feelings for her first, and he really didn't cope with them well at all. He'd kinda lash out at her, not being able to handle his emotions, but he eventually settled down and they get together with a decently healthy relationship. He still gets flustered though, she just melts his heart lol. 5. Pistachio x Star Tracker Honestly, I was just looking to ship someone with Pistachio. I think their nerdy attitudes combine really well together too lol. Some of Star Tracker's favorite moments with Pistachio are when he starts gushing about fashion or something else he's passionate about, and he just keeps blabbing and Blabbing and BLABBING and will talk to him about it for hours. He just loves listening to him and thinks it's adorable and cute to see how long he'll go. Being a guard when he grows up, Star really appreciates the little things and time they spend together. I guess this is when they're younger and first figuring their feelings out. Anyways i'm like brain dead I'm so tired so I'm going to bed, lol. I really hope you enjoy this doodle. Adopts should be coming next!

Posted using PostyBirb

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 15X20

I liked this episode, but it still felt like filler. It was fluffier which was nice, but my biggest issue with the second half of this season is that the episodes have gotten boring. The Meredith and DeLuca storyline is not interesting to watch and everything else except for the great storylines Jo has gotten just seem to be going around in circles. Here’s hoping things improve for the finale!

When we start this episode Jo is in bed and is out sick from work and has been for a week. She’s still trying to come to terms with what she found out and Alex can’t get through to her. One nice thing about this episode is that we get to see more of Meredith and Jackson’s friendship which is a real treat! We find out that Meredith and Jackson have a case that they bring to Catherine whose just gone through radiation treatment. They are going to do an abdominal wall transplant and penis transplant on a war vet which is pretty cool. Catherine is hilarious!

Amelia then has an awkward elevator ride with Owen where he is a jerk to her and talks to her through Leo. They run into Tom and Teddy who are house hunting. Amelia out! Owen tells Teddy, his ex that he always puts second that he’s left repeatedly for Amelia whose now gone, that she can move in with him. In front of her current loving boyfriend. What an asshole! I love Teddy’s line, “You just said it was haunted!”

Bailey’s taken back over as Chief and is a total jerk to Alex. Three high school girls shadow her for the day to learn about leadership in STEM. I’m really hating Bailey as Chief now. I liked her before and Alex had a rough go of it in the beginning, but he found his stride and as soon as Bailey got better she expected him to give her the job back and just roll over. They’ve repeatedly showed that Alex was more innovative as Chief in terms of how he run things, kept moral up, and used the interns. Bailey is acting like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum because she didn’t get her way after specifically selecting Alex for the job. This is ridiculous. Also another thing I totally hate about this season.

We see DeLuca and Meredith talk at the OR board. It’s awkward and cringeworthy as usual. Webber is giving him a lap appy to do. They agree Webber’s testing him. This is absurd. If you have to keep going back over the fact that you don’t deserve to be dating the person you’re with you probably don’t. Meredith is way out of DeLuca’s league!!! Everyone sees it including them but they keep dating anyway! This whole storyline makes zero sense!

In other news Alex finally gets a storyline! Alex and Helm treat an autistic boy that’s difficult to treat because they can’t examine him as they usually would so they get creative! Meanwhile Megan Hunt’s in town! Meredith is very excited to see her and vice versa. I love seeing women supporting women! I love Megan as a character too. She didn’t tell Teddy and Owen that Megan was coming in case she wanted to surprise them. It turns out Megan doesn’t even know that Teddy’s in Seattle. Uh oh.

She finds out they’re having a baby and thinks they’ve gotten together. She’s pissed when she finds out how stupid Owen’s been and calls him on it Megan style. I love her line, “You gave her your job instead of a ring?!?! You dum dum!!!” Then Tom walks in and Megan thinks he’s Teddy’s realtor. Then she finds out he’s her boyfriend.

Meredith and Jackson are in the rig on the way to the procurement. Meredith is distracted. She’s worried about DeLuca operating with Richard. I don’t understand this. Why is Meredith, a world-class award-winning surgeon, worried about the fact that her boy toy is operating with her pseudo-father? This seems very out of character. Why does she care? She’s made it clear that DeLuca’s just a hot date to her repeatedly so why does she care? This storyline is so boring. Jackson makes joke about balls and him and Meredith are hilarious! It’s nice to see her smile again!

Alex’s patient is building a LEGO Space Needle while they try to figure out what’s wrong which is super neat. Alex talks to Link. He had no idea Jo found her birth mother or wasn’t feeling well. We find out that both Meredith and Bailey have tried reaching out to no avail. He asks if he can try to get through to her. He agrees. Maggie comes to see Amelia and accidentally talks about aerobic sex in front of the high school girls and Bailey!

DeLuca and Webber work on their patient. She’s super into DeLuca and that puts him in a super awkward position. Megan, Catherine, and Schmitt work on their war vet transplant patient. He says that according to the online support groups Catherine is the Neil Armstrong of Johnsons! Link comes to see Jo. She’s in rough shape and only lets him in when he won’t stop banging on the door.

He brings her chicken soup! Because that’s what friends are for. Megan and Schmitt are prepping for the surgery. Owen decides to have a very private conversation with Megan while Schmitt is in the room. This man does not understand the concept of boundaries at all!

Meredith’s wearing her green blue grey scrub cap with the swirls this episode! Also the veteran patient’s mom is hilarious! Then his fiancée arrives! Turns out she didn’t know he was even injured! Yikes! Alex finds out from Maggie that his autistic patient has a large mass that needs to be removed. He’s worried about Jo and so is Maggie.

Helm comes in and tells them that their patient is severely anemic and needs a transfusion and they can’t operate until they do. Link does Jo’s laundry and tries to get her out of bed. They reminisce about a bad break up he went through and how she was there for him. Jo decides it’s time to day drink some vodka. In other news, every time Bailey brings the students somewhere someone says something sexual!

Webber and DeLuca operate. It’s super cringeworthy. Webber asks what his plan is long term. DeLuca starts babbling about how him and Meredith haven’t had those discussions yet. He says that Meredith has a family and that informs where she’s coming from and he respects that, but that to him she’s amazing and makes him so happy. Webber stops him and tells him he was talking about his surgical career. What a doofus! He asks if he’s thought about a specialty. DeLuca says General Surgery is attractive. Webber’s sarcasm speaks for all us.

Also if DeLuca is actually serious Meredith can’t hire him. That’s a direct conflict of interest. Someone else like Bailey would have to handle the whole process. Also I didn’t realize this until after when I was talking with a friend, but they have completely retconned and rewritten DeLuca’s character during the second half of this season.

Prior to the second half of this season this was his character. He lived with Arizona and was friends with her. He and Maggie dated and he was actually a decent boyfriend until he broke up with her because he couldn’t handle that she was his boss like an asshole. Alex beat him up because of a misunderstanding. He threaten Meredith which caused Alex to almost accidentally kill a baby. Him and Alex were at odds because of the what Alex did to him. He pressed charges against Alex and as a result Jo and DeLuca became friends.

DeLuca fell in love with Jo, but she was still in love with Alex. DeLuca dropped the charges to protect Jo and then Jo made things super awkward and they stopped being friends. He was interested in Neuro and so he worked under Amelia’s tutelage. He protected her and tried to help her after Megan was found and she had a brain tumour and tried to get her the help she needed from others. He helped her after she had surgery and worked under Tom during that time. When Bellos arrived they worked together for Amelia and Koracick until she was deported and then he slept on Meredith’s couch for weeks without bathing and played his guitar annoyingly until Carina yelled at him.

Ever since he took a romantic interest in Meredith, DeLuca and Amelia haven’t had a scene together. He seems to have completely dropped out of Neuro for no reason. This has been his goal for several seasons now. He’s previously shown zero interest in General. He’s shown some interest in Peds, but that’s it. Neuro takes an extra 7 years in comparison to other programs. They keep stressing that DeLuca is an upper year resident. I took that to mean that he was between years five and seven. But if he hasn’t officially picked a specialty yet then he can’t be higher than third or fourth year which means he’s a mid-year resident. This timeline makes no sense. Also why invest years in Neuro and then switch to General because of who you’re dating?

On top of this ever since he took an interest in Meredith he no longer cares about Amelia at all. She was clearly upset at the party several episodes ago and when Meredith said she would have to be on duty for her DeLuca showed zero concern for a woman he helped recover from major brain surgery whose mentored him for years at this point. All he cared about was getting it on with Meredith. What an asshole! The more time I spend thinking about it the less sense it makes. If they wanted to rewrite his character to be better or more interesting or more deserving of Meredith that would be one thing, but this is not that. This is the opposite of that and it makes no sense!

Back to the episode. Webber and DeLuca find a dead bowel in their patient. They need to convert to an open procedure. Meanwhile Jackson and his Mom have a heart to heart. Megan says she’ll talk to the patient and fix things. Owen says he’ll do it. She says no. He asks if she has a penis. She’s pissed, but says fine. She tells him not screw it up like he’s screwed up the rest of his life. Zing! Owen deserved that!

Back to Webber and DeLuca. There’s another complication. DeLuca says he has to do another procedure. Webber corrects and says that’s his job. DeLuca back talks and whines and says it’s his surgery like a child. This is why I hate him! He says it’s his finding so he should do it and continues to back talk. In real life this would get you fired or at the very least written up for insubordination! Which is all DeLuca ever does these days! Ugh! He goes ahead without Webber’s permission. Big no no! Also he does with snark like a pouty child.

Alex’s patient goes into distress while him and Maggie are taking to his parents. He’s having a bad reaction to the blood they’ve given him. They have to find out why. Meanwhile Teddy is house hunting on her computer when Megan walks in. Megan questions why Teddy is house hunting and dating Tom when Owen is single and loves her and has a house and a crib and Leo. Teddy counters and says she’s not moving in with Tom and she’s not going to move into Owen’s house and slide into Amelia’s place in their bed. Boom! Mic drop!

She’s says it’s not gonna happen. She says if it were Megan in this situation she would burn the house down before she moved into it! Megan tries to counter but winds up laughing and agrees that Teddy is totally right and she totally would do that! This is why I love Megan. She can admit she’s wrong and laugh about it. Owen has a heart to heart with their patient. They bond over shared experiences.

He says he’s ashamed of how he broke up with his fiancée Beth in a three line email. It’s good to see him take responsibility for his actions and express remorse. It’s something he rarely does. He encourages him to give his fiancée Anna a chance. The patient tells his fiancée the truth and she stays. Owen gives a great speech to Catherine to convince her to do the surgery. Alex and the team are trying to figure out why their patient had a bad reaction to the blood.

Bailey comes in and tells at them like an asshole in front of the High School students which is totally unprofessional and uncalled for. I’m really disliking Bailey these last few episodes. She’s being a jerk for no reason. They find out the patient has an extremely rare blood type and that’s the problem. Back to Webber and DeLuca. They’re finishing the procedure. DeLuca apologizes for over stepping. FINALLY!!!

Webber calls him out for being more terse than necessary as he calls it. DeLuca apologizes and says he could see the whole procedure in his head and wanted to show him he was worthy of dating Meredith. Once again, it’s all about personal gain and being right for DeLuca. He doesn’t care about the patient, ethics, being insubordinate or unprofessional. He just cares about showing the whole world he’s worthy of Meredith Grey.

Spoiler Alert: He’s not. He just needs to sit back, enjoy the ride, and let things take their course. Chill dude! Meredith and Jackson then have a great scene talking about how Richard’s both their Dads even though he’s not their biological father and how weird that is. I love Meredith’s line, “You don’t need to go to the moon twice!”

Back to Jo and Link. They’re drunk and reminiscing about Link’s ex. Jo continues to spiral out and says being a runner is in her DNA. She almost tells him about what she learned but stops. Back at the hospital Bailey tells the High School students they came looking to learn about leadership but she failed and was not a good teacher or Yoda. She says she’ll reschedule. They tell her she’s nuts. They tell her they’ve learned so much. They learned about Leadership and communication skills and innovative medicine.

And that all the moving and shaking is done by women. It’s all women. They’re impressed and inspired. “Better than Yoda you were.” They tell her. Meredith and Richard talk. She asks how the surgery went. He tells her DeLuca got snippy, but he was right. He says DeLuca’s a good surgeon and a good man.  Here’s my issue with that. Being a good man or a good person for that matter is something you show not tell. I’m so sick of this storyline. DeLuca spends every episode being an asshole and pissing people off and then people or DeLuca himself tell Meredith what a good man or a great guy he is.

That claim is false. DeLuca is not a good man or a great guy or a good person. He’s a disrespectful asshole whose insubordinate, inappropriate, and dangerous to others. Also, if you have to keep saying it or people keep having to bring it up or have this conversation with the person you’re dating that means it’s not true. It’s lip service. Show don’t tell. His actions don’t match his words or the words of others which is why the second half of this season has made me hate DeLuca as a character. I never did before. I didn’t really care about him to be honest, but now I actively hate him because he’s so awful.

Alex and the team talk to their patient’s parents. They tell them about the rare blood and what it means. There are only four potential blood donors for him in the whole world. Alex says they’ll find the blood and find a solution and that they won’t give up. That’s a promise he can’t necessarily keep but he wants it to be true so badly and he’s so worried about Jo he can’t help himself.

Link texts Alex and tells him he needs to come home right away. Bailey shows Webber the hospital reports and how Alex has been delegating each report to an intern. As if it’s never occurred to them to do it that way. Webber and Bailey are impressed and pissed they didn’t think of it themselves. They realize Alex did something better than them. Instead of thanking him like he deserves or giving him the job back they decide that he must never know.

Which is really low of them. They trained Alex. They know what he’s been through. He rose to the challenge and did the job better than them. Instead of rewarding him for all of his hard work and recognizing their own faults they say nothing and let him believe they already did that. In real life this is why employees quit. Because they work their asses off and you don’t appreciate or recognize them for their hard work. Alex does NOT deserve this! Shame on them.

Megan comes to talk to Owen. She tells him she loves him and she calls him names because someone has to. Someone has to tell him the truth. That he’s an idiot who needs help. That he needs to do for himself what he did for their patient. Owen walks away and ignores her like an asshole! She tells him he needs to find a way to heal so that he can believe he’s worthy of love, joy, happiness, and ease in this lifetime because he is.

He continues to walk away and ignore her like he does with everything in his life. She tells him that somehow because of what’s happened to him he’s come to believe he’s not worthy of those things so he keeps making the hardest possible choices. He tells he’s sorry that we can’t all be perfect. That we can’t all be her and Riggs. She tells him to shut up because she sees a talk therapist and a PTSD specialist once a week and her and Riggs see a couples therapist once a week.

She does all this because she wants to be as happy as she can be for the life she has left and she wants the same for Owen. He says he’s done therapy. She counters that he clearly hasn’t done enough and she’s right. Therapy is not a one-time thing. It’s a constant ongoing process. Megan is right here. Owen needs to get his head out of his ass and do the work. She calls him on how poorly he’s treated Teddy and Amelia and he’s got no comeback for that because she’s right and he knows it. She takes his head in her hands and speaks for the whole fandom and says what we’ve all being saying for YEARS!!! “Owen. You’re not well. Do the work to fix it. Okay?” Thank you Megan Hunt. You are a true gift.

Catherine and Richard wall home together. Meanwhile Meredith is at DeLuca’s place. They’re on the couch by the fire eating what looks like terrible take out spaghetti and talking. We don’t get to hear what they’re saying. Again, it’s the same storyline on repeat. Nothing happens. Nothing changes. It’s always in stasis. Which is what makes it so boring.

We cut to the loft. Jo is on the couch, clearly drunk, laughing hysterically at an old black and white cartoon. Link is clearly worried about her and her mental state. Alex arrives home. Alex tells Link he scared the crap out of him with that text. Link apologizes. Alex says Jo looks fine now. Link corrects him and says Jo’s not fine at all. He’s seen her in rough shape before but never like this. Link says he wants to help but doesn’t know how. Alex looks on worried. I hope Jo gets the help she needs and is able to open up to those around her.

Now onto next week’s promo! Amelia and Link go to New York! They have more great sex and Amelia says there are no complications. Haha! Link looks sceptical as he should! They later run into her sister Nancy. Oh boy! Amelia introduces Link as her husband. Oh lord! Clearly, they think she’s still married to Owen. Do they know about her brain tumour? They go to Nancy’s house for dinner! It’s a terrible idea but they go anyway. And her sister Kathleen is there. Oh goody! This cannot end well! I can’t wait to see it though!

Until next time.

Au revoir!

[juliivn-blog]

*  bill skarsgård, age 27, he/him  | oh, them? that’s julian nilsson. they’ve lived in carina bay for, like, one week. last time i spoke to them they were a drug dealer, and if i remember correctly, they’re an aries. seeing them around always makes me think of track marks hidden beneath a long-sleeved shirt, the watery reflection of a neon sign in a motel parking lot, the eerie quiet of 5am after a sleepless night. ( lainie, 24, cst, she/her ) 

hello bitches it me ur local bag of literal garbage ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry )

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like lol get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he managed to send a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like....he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 21, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of a “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about a year later when he was 23 that he met kit while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship--notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing kit to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so four years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when kit decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to kit. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

which is how he wound up in carina bay! they’re currently living out of julian’s car with a little makeshift bed in the back and he’s selling drugs again to try and save up enough so they can get home, but they use most of what he’s supposed to sell so it’s.......not going very well euyagafdhs

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him wayyyyyyyy worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just....doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

"whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him (especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood 

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs

[joysmercer]

Grey’s Anatomy 14x14 Final Thoughts

My brain is split into two right now: “I hate Grey’s and how DARE they do this I’m never watching again” and “that episode!”

Let’s ignore the first half for now, and we’ll get back to it later. I have a LOT to say, don’t worry. 

The episode opens with Amelia feeling really horny. Kind of random and out-of-the-blue, but unlike other unexpected decisions from this show recently, I didn’t mind this one. I loved seeing this cute, spunky side of Amelia, one we really haven’t seen since…Derek died, really. Aside from this new side of her, Amelia was also really dishing out the sass today, from telling Bello to get her head out of her ass (and hopefully leaving Deluca/Sam out of the picture for a while) to putting Koracick in her place, and I liked it :) Overall, it was a much-needed upward trend for this girl, and I really hope it continues.

Over to Owen, this dude was also dishing out sass. Thank goodness he put those boys in their places before they took out someone’s nose or something. It’s been a while since we saw “Major Hunt” being all commandeering and such, and it’s nice to see that side of him again. 

Apparently, being sassy together translates to being sexy together as well (sorry, that was bad phrasing, but idc).I just knew something would happen from the opening elevator scene, and was almost certain it would be in this episode from the ER conversation (“I like a man with authority”/“me too”). And her blurting out her feelings as soon as she saw Owen is classic Amelia. Her “sex speech” followed by Owen’s ““I want you to use me in any way you can think of” will forever have a place in my heart <3 <3 <3 Omelia Will Rise Again! Maybe a double wedding with Jolex at the end of the season?

Aside from the Bello situation, Deluca was not really as intolerable as he was the last episode. This was the first time since Carina’s introduction that we really saw the two of them act like siblings, and I really want more of them interacting!!

But Koracick. Oh my god. This guy got even more sleazy, if that’s even possible. I’m not going to say much more on that subject, except that he’s apparently going to help April next episode and I really hope he doesn’t screw up. April’s leaving, but it better be on terms true to her character, not because some ass screwed her up for good.

Speaking of April. Grey’s anatomy told the entire Domestic Abuse storyline in 2 episodes, but they’re taking their own sweet time solving this Crisis of hers. I was initially glad Hunt sent her home early, because even though the Ear thing was not her fault, this girl really needs to get her act together. But, I said initially happy because apparently, she decided to go home and get drunk instead. Which, y’know, wouldn’t have happened if Arizona (or literally anyone) was paying the slightest attention to her.

Instead, her best friend was off trying to solve the issue of maternal mortality rates (granted, a super important study) but not really making any headway except to accuse her friend of being a bad doctor. great move. On a side note, did anyone else catch that chemistry between Arizona and the OB? Or am I just making it up? 

And onto the second (and “ugh”-est) huge development of this episode. Jaggie. WHY SHONDA WHY? Both of them were sooo awkward at Game Night that I wanted to throw my phone at the TV. Okay, I admit Jackson being protective of Maggie was cute, but in a more brotherly way (like Meredith and Alex, except obviously not as deep). But even when they kissed, I just couldn’t see it. No chemistry whatsoever. They’re better as friends. BUT I was super surprised that “perfect” Clive turned out to be married (”you must be the woman who’s been screwing my husband” flashbacks, anyone?). Maggie doesn’t need Jackson, but she certainly deserves much better than a pathological liar. But anyway, apparently these two are canon now, so I’ll be fast-forwarding a lot of scenes in the future :/

And finally, Meredith and Jo’s story. I’m going to ignore the fact that these two have been getting wayy more screen time for their project than any other doctor so far, and just talk about their current positions. It turned out that the old guy died, and the polymer now belongs to - surprise! - Meredith’s family friend! Who, unfortunately, refuses to sell Mer the patent until she saw proof that it worked, which was a risky move on the doctor’s parts, especially with later developments: Marie was not Ellis’s best friend, and they apparently had a huge feud over something. So Meredith just admitted to stealing, to the person she stole from, and gave away her ground-breaking surgical plans, and I just feel really bad for her and Jo. The one good thing about this, though, is that she interrupted Jaggie in her quest for her mother’s journals. I really, really hope that whatever caused Ellis’s and Marie’s fight won’t impact the project, although knowing Grey’s, it probably will. 

Okay, onto some smaller plot points. 

First of all, how stupid can interns be? They were never formally invited to anything and they still showed up? I’m glad Casey had nothing to do with it, and it was just the two most idiotic, Glasses and Hellmouth. But still. Instead of firing April and Arizona, get rid of these two instead. Also, uh, what the heck is going on with Jolex? I mean, Paul died and all of a sudden there’s a standstill. They didn’t even talk this episode, all we got was Jo smiling in a doorframe. Alex and Kimmy, on the other hand, were adorable and I’m so glad Alex advocated for her while addressing her Grandmother’s fears. Medical Marijuana can do so much good, and it’s a pity most states don’t allow it.  Also, addressing what was, I’m assuming, supposed to be the “central theme” of this episode, what is going on with the lawsuit and everything? It just seemed really random and interjected in there just to get Kepner drunk. Which honestly, served no purpose except to make me fast-forward everytime April spoke. And speaking of “central themes,” that might have been the lamest Game Night ever. And Maggie’s sisters didn’t even show! wth grey’s, wth.

In all, this episode was so good at some points (Omelia! Ellis Grey Plot-Twist!) and so bad at others (Jaggie & the entire Game Night tbh). The promo for next week does confirm two things, one of which makes me (kinda) happy, and the other which makes me want to throw up: 1, Koracick and April (probably) didn’t sleep together; 2, we’re in for a lot more Jaggie, and Maggie is apparently spending more time with her boyfriend’s kid instead of her 2 nieces and nephew (seriously, did Zola, Bailey, and Ellis just…dissappear? Brief glimpses of them are not enough, people). 

--

Alright. To today’s news. 

I was talking it over with some friends before tonight’s episode, and we realized that both April and AZ have no real storylines, but both are in a position where there is real potential for some amazing plots. However, the writers needed to fire someone apparently, and since these two haven’t really had any development in forever, they were the first to go. Now, I love Maggie (like, a lot more than most people), but if they needed to shorten the main cast, she would be my first pick. Or, just promote Casey to attending (I mean, Jo’s residency is apparently 7 years long, so this won’t be that bad) and fire the rest of the interns. But don’t get rid of two phenomenal actresses who have been on the show, dedicated their lives to it, for more than a decade. And if they did it to get back at Pompeo for her pay rise, that’s just cruel. What’s even more cruel, though, is going after Ellen for somehow playing a part in this. Leave her alone! If ABC had said “Sorry, we can’t afford this, otherwise we’ll have to cut the main cast,” she probably would have reduced her price. I mean, she and JCap are super close. Just saying. 

As I was watching the episode, I just kept thinking how absolutely central these two are to the rest of Grey’s. regardless of their lack of stories, nothing would function on the show without them -- we wouldn’t have a Fetal Surgeon, nor a main-character OB anymore, and God knows what will happen to the ER without April around. 

I’m really going to miss these two. This was not fair to us, but it definitely wasn’t fair to Drew or JCap.

[davidcarner]

Casey & Walker Ch 10, Officer Down

A/N: Ned…ah Ned…. you just don't do too well in Chuck stories…It's time to get into the action, and it could take a while. You don't build a criminal empire and bring it down overnight…. unless you have your own personal tornado…I think some of you may be quite mad with me by the time this chapter is over…I hope you enjoy Ch 10, Officer Down

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck and I can't think of a quip to add here.

"I'm not cooking tonight," Chuck said, firmly planted in the passenger seat with Sarah driving them back to the precinct. She looked over at him, with an eyebrow arched. "It's for your own safety," he said smugly.

"So you're trying not to poison me, is what you're saying," Sarah retorted. They were both in great moods. They had one member of Volkoff's team, and Chuck was sure with the way the IDs read that Gruber was one of his as well. Wasn't there a movie about someone named Hans Gruber? Who named their kid Hans anyway? Well, maybe he was German, that would make sense. "Are you even paying attention to me?"

"You had a stuff dog named Bunny, but your father thought that was stupid and called it Sam," Chuck repeated.

"I told you that three nights ago, not now," Sarah said. "You weren't paying attention."

"I was just thinking how the name Hans Gruber sounded German," Chuck explained. Sarah gave him a look.

"You're thinking about Die Hard?" Sarah said. "Odd time to be thinking about Christmas movies." Chuck looked at her, like she was crazy.

"Christmas?" he asked. Sarah ignored him.

"I think you're just scared to admit you can't cook," Sarah said, grinning.

"If I cook for you tonight, you'll just embarrass yourself by proposing marriage or something," Chuck said, a grin plastered on his face. "You'll realize that I'm fantastic and you can't do any better."

"Maybe I already do," she replied, smirking. Chuck's brain shut down. She did not just say what he thought she said. That couldn't have been right. He opened his mouth to retort, when it came over the radio. Code 999, officer down/urgent help needed. Sarah hit the gas.

}o{

It was several hours later when Sarah pulled the car into Lou's. Chuck realized he hadn't eaten all day, but he really didn't care. He had Ellie on speakerphone.

"Casey discharged himself, I don't know what else to tell you," Ellie said to them.

"Okay Ellie, if we see him we'll let him know how displeased you are," Sarah said.

"Like's that gonna do anything," Chuck grumbled.

"You two be careful," Ellie said.

"We will, Sis, love you," Chuck replied.

"Love you, you too, Sarah," Ellie said. Sarah grinned and stuck her tongue out at Chuck.

"Love you Ellie, lunch soon, okay?" Sarah replied.

"You got it," Ellie said, and the line went dead.

"Casey got his big toe shot off," Chuck said, shaking his head.

"Ned got three in the chest," Sarah replied. "Seems fair." Chuck looked at her and she shrugged. "This started out as Ned being questioned, and he escalated it. The next bullet might have killed Casey."

"Have you ever shot someone, Sarah?" Chuck asked. "Let me correct myself, have you ever killed someone?" She shook her head no. "I truly hope it stays that way. Tonight, when Daniel Shaw goes to sleep, he'll probably see Ned's face in his dreams." Chuck had a haunted look on his face. Sarah reached over and squeezed his hand.

"Come on, let's go inside," she said, getting out of the car. They walked in to Lou's and she gave them a head nod toward the private room. Chuck surveyed the room. There was Beckman, Jack Burton, and Molly Burton…Molly had her feet on the table and was smiling.

"Hey sexy," Molly said.

"Molly," Sarah said warningly. "Don't give him any ideas." Molly grinned evilly at her sister.

"I've got you a computer set up here," Molly said, nodding toward it, still stretched out.

"Sarah, they say the footage is lost," Beckman explained. "Do you think.." Sarah grinned.

"They don't call me Piranha for nothing," she replied. Sarah began to do her work. Lou had brought in food for everyone, and they all began to eat while waiting on Sarah…all but Chuck. He was watching Sarah.

"Chuck," Jack said, causing Chuck to realize he had been staring at his girlfriend in amazement. Jack grinned at him. "You were right about Fulcrum." Chuck nodded.

"I've given you grief for a long time about this Ring business, Chuck," Beckman began. "You obviously were on to something. Thank you for working the case and proving it."

"We haven't proved anything yet," Chuck said.

"Hey man o' mine," Sarah said to Chuck. "You might want to look at this." He came over, sat beside her, and watched the footage. The footage showed the lawyer, Evelyn arriving and meeting with Rafe first. After the meeting with Evelyn, Shaw took Rafe back to the holding cell.

"What's a Lieutenant from SWAT doing escorting prisoners?" Chuck asked.

"He'll say it's because it's a high profile case," Jack answered. Chuck looked at Jack. "He's always looking to move up in the ranks."

"How does he feel about his current progress?" Chuck asked. Jack nodded at Chuck and pointed at him.

"I've never liked the guy," Jack said. "I think he'd sell out his mother for a promotion."

"What about some guy that works at Fulcrum?" Chuck asked. Jack took a sip of his drink.

"He'd put three in his chest," Jack replied.

"Those are serious allegations about an officer," Beckman said. Jack shook his head.

"No allegations, just my personal opinion of the guy, and he did put three in that guy's chest, not saying he didn't deserve them," Jack replied. "Besides, you kinda hate him yourself."

"He's quite pretentious," Beckman replied. "But then again, so are you."

"Yeah, but I'm charming," Jack quipped. Beckman laughed. Chuck turned back to the video.

"Looks like Rafe is telling him something," Chuck said. They watched Shaw walk over to Lieutenant Frank Mauser, and they had a brief conversation. After a minute, Shaw walked away. "LOOK!" he said, standing up. Sarah rewound the footage, and Mauser had unclasped the strap on his holster holding the pistol in. Chuck turned toward Beckman and Mayor Burton.

"That is a problem," Beckman said. They watched as Ned was escorted back to his cell, uncuffed, and shoved Daniel.

"How the hell does Ned shove Shaw that far?" Chuck asked.

"I don't think he does unless he wants to," Sarah replied. They watched Ned grab the gun from Mauser holster, and wave it around. Casey approached him, hands out, trying to calm Ned, when Ned pulled the trigger, hitting Casey in the toe. Casey hopped around, while Ned began to apologize. As Ned looked at Casey, Shaw pulled his weapon and shot Ned three times in the chest. Ned dropped. The entire room was silent until a phone buzzed. Beckman realized it was hers, pulled it out, and checked it.

"Evelyn is wanting her client released," Beckman said.

"Release him, I'll go to the precinct and follow her," Molly said. "Something is not right with her. Sarah, can you do a check on her?"

"What do you want me to look for?" Sarah asked.

"Anything that can tie her and Daniel together," Molly said. "Start with Shaw's leave time, and see if there is a time he flies, or rents a car, or a hotel room, and see if her credit cards match up with his."

"There's only so much I can do without a warrant," Sarah said.

"IA is going to want this if Shaw is dirty," Chuck replied.

"Nope, I'm keeping this inhouse," Mayor Burton said. Everyone turned to him. "This is too big. I know, I'm going to make some people mad, but I'll make it work."

"Keep me in the loop," Molly said as she headed out the door.

"I'll do a better job than dad did about letting me know you were working with us," she yelled. Molly stuck her hand in the air for a wave as Sarah turned to look at her father. He did a slow shrug. Sarah shook her head and went back to work.

}o{

"I apologize Miss Thibeaux," Daniel said. "Captain Beckman is away at the moment, but I have full authorization to release your client. Daniel Shaw and Evelyn Thibeaux were standing in front of Beckman's office. Carian and Zondra were at their desks, and every so often Carina would glance at the two of them, and then go back to her work.

"Please, Lt. Shaw, it's Evelyn," she replied, smiling coyly.

"Well then, Evelyn, it's Daniel," he replied. Zondra looked at Carina and rolled her eyes. The two walked off to get Rafe out of lockup. Carina watched them go. When they left, she opened her drawer and dug around until she found the flash drive she was looking for. She put it into the computer, and started going through pictures.

"What are you doing, Red?" Zondra asked.

"Remember when we cased that high price escort service?" Carina asked. "This Evening's Companion?"

"Oh, yes, the one we thought Syliva Acrulin was running," Zondra said. "Ryan was so excited."

"He thought he had Fulcurm that time," Carina said, shaking her head. "The head of HR running an escort service, he thought he was gold." She went back to the computer. "Come here." Zondra came over to her. "That first night we ran surveillance, do you remember those fancy townhouses that used to be old warehouses?" Zondra nodded. "Well, while we were parked there, and you were taking pictures of the 'establishment' I started taking pictures of the occupants of the townhouses. I had run the owners of the townhouses before the stakeout, and it was owned by a shell corporation, that was owned by a shell corporation."

"Okay," Zondra replied. "So what's the big deal?"

"I think they both live there," Carian said. "And they acted like they just met today."

"Who?" Zondra asked.

"Daniel Shaw and Evelyn Thibeaux," Carina replied. They looked up as they saw Molly strolling over to them.

"I hear you had some gunplay earlier?" Molly said, grinning. "Boss sent me down to make sure everything was okay."

"We're good, Molly, thanks," Carina said.

"But we may have something juicy," Zondra replied. Molly looked interested and sat down.

"So we were running surveillance on This Evening's Companion," Carina began.

"Trolling for men again, Miller?" Molly asked, grinning. "Really, I know some guys I can hook you up with." Carina gave her a playful shove.

"Carina believes that the lawyer for Rafe Gruber, one Evelyn Thibeaux and our very own Lt Daniel Shaw live in the same building," Zondra explained.

"2 x 4?" Molly asked. Carina laughed out loud, and Zondra chuckled as she nodded. "Okay, so big deal."

"They went out of their way to act like they didn't know each other," Carina said. "And we saw both go in the building. Neither are listed as tenants, and they each have their own residences elsewhere."

"You did all that why we were talking?" Zondra asked.

"I'm not just a pretty face," Carina replied.

"Yeah, she's got legs for miles too," Molly said. Carina high-fived Molly. "Well, looks like you two have detecting to do, so I'll make myself scarce. You see that sister of mine, or soon to be brother-in-law, tell them I'm looking for them." Carina and Zondra looked at her.

"How soon?" Carina asked.

"As soon as he pulls his head out of his ass," Zondra replied. Molly pointed at Zondra as if to say, "that's right". She gave them a wave as she left.

"Are you okay with that?" Carina asked. Zondra waved her off.

"You know what we had was just physical," Zondra began.

"I suspect it was better than some of the "just physical" I had," Carina countered. Zondra grinned, but didn't retort.

"He did give me something to latch on to, to remain grounded," Zondra said. Carina laid her hand on Zondra's arm.

"Hey, I'm here," Carina said softly. A look of thanks passed between the two, but because they couldn't deal with feelings, or maybe because they didn't want to, an inappropriate comment was necessary.

"I know I'm good looking and all, but I don't swing that way, Sweetie," Zondra said, lightly patting Carina's hand that was on her arm. Carina glared at her, but the grin broke through. "Let's go chase this down," she said, nodding to the pictures of Daniel and Evelyn that Carina had found. "If these two were behind Casey getting hurt, we owe them."

"Don't tell me you're thinking about Casey now?" Carina asked.

"Relax, Carina, I'm not making a move on your guy," Zondra said.

"Hey, it was ONE time," Carina replied.

"Yeah, you better thank God too he was separated or Kathleen would have your head," Zondra fried back.

"Zondra, they have been separated for years," Carina retorted. This went back and forth as they got in their car and took off. That's probably why they never saw the car tailing them.

}o{

"So to make sure I'm understanding everything correctly, if we are given info, it's not fruit of the poisonous tree?" Chuck asked. Beckman nodded. Chuck pulled at his bottom lip, nervously.

"Just say it, Chuck," Sarah said. Chuck looked over at Jack.

"Whatever you two do, is between you two, Son," Jack said, having a good idea what Chuck was thinking.

"How do you feel about flirting with someone for some information?" Chuck asked Sarah. "Over the phone," he added quickly.

"How would over the phone work?" she asked. Chuck shrugged.

"I have a …..an acquaintance at the FAA that has given me info in the past, but he…he's a little upset with me," Chuck said, wincing.

"What did you do?" Sarah asked, amused.

"I promised him I'd find him a real Texas girl next time to talk to," Chuck said, wincing. "He's a little, hefty, he stays to himself, and he's in DC. He's homesick."

"What's his name," Sarah said, in a perfect Texas drawl.

"Charles," Chuck said, grinning.

"First or last?" she asked.

"Both," he replied.

"Charles Charles, huh?" she said. Chuck gave her his phone number and email address. She went to the computer and began to work. She looked around and found a wall she liked and situated herself. She typed a few more minutes and looked at the other three. "I'm going to need absolute silence, okay?" All three nodded, curious as to what she was up to.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Giving him a face to go with a voice," she replied. Chuck grinned as she punched a button and waited, with a huge smile on her face. Chuck heard ringing.

"Who are you and how did you get this number?" Charles said on Skype as he answered.

"Oh, he wasn't lyin'" Sarah said with her drawl. "It is soooo good to hear a familiar voice instead of all these LA types."

"You're from Texas," he whispered.

"Sarah Charles," she said. "Of the San Antonio Charless."

"Charles, Charles, Dallas," he replied, grinning.

"Oh, I know all about you, but you know Ryan, or should I say O which stands for omitting-whatever-he-feels-like-to-get-what-he-wants Ryan," Sarah said.

"He's right there, isn't he?" Charles asked. Sarah gave a sad smile and nodded. "You're not even from Texas are you?" She shook her head no. "He needs info?" She nodded. "I'll make you a deal, if you keep talking in the accent I'll give you what you need." She grinned at him.

"It's a deal, darlin'," she drawled. Charles smiled. "Now, I'm going to send you some dates, and I need to see if a Daniel Shaw was on any flights." Charles nodded. He began a search and got a hit.

"Yep, he went to France," Charles said.

"Now, on that flight, or any other flight in that same time period, is there an Evelyn Thibeaux?" Sarah asked.

"Sitting right beside him," Charles replied. Chuck glanced at Beckman.

"Return flight?" Sarah asked.

"Same, they're together," Charles said. "I take it from your reaction, this is big?" Sarah nodded. "Just so you know, she had two other flights. She flew in the day before from France." He made a strange face.

"What is it, Charles?" she asked.

"She left the US for France over sixty days prior," he said. "I'm sending you all relevant information."

"Charles, you have been the biggest help," she said grinning.

"You can call me on this line anytime, and Ryan!" he yelled.

"Yeah, Charles," Chuck replied.

"Thanks," he said.

"Catch you next time I'm in DC?" Chuck asked.

"No, she can, but I don't want to see your ugly mug," Charles said. "Goodbye, Sarah," he said sweetly.

"Charles it was an absolute pleasure," Sarah drawled. She winked at him and disconnected the feed. She looked up at Chuck, grinning.

"You probably just gave him an aneurism," Chuck said. Sarah laughed. "Okay, now, what did those two do while they were over there, and why did she leave so early?" Sarah thought for a minute.

"It is the city of love," she said.

"Well, if she went over there to meet some other dude, it kinda kills our theory," Chuck said, grinning.

"Unless," Sarah said, and did some typing. She stopped, read something, and smiled. "Oh, those sly kids," she muttered. She typed some more until she found what she was looking for, a triumphant grin on her face. "Evelyn Thibeaux owns a home in France," she said.

"Okay, I mean I guess good for her," Chuck said. Sarah's smile grew. "What?"

"French law requires anyone to be married in France to live there for at least 40 consecutive days," Sarah said. Chuck's jaw dropped.

"Holy crap, they got married?" Chuck asked. Sarah shrugged.

"I'm trying to access records at the mairie but so far, it's been a no go," Sarah replied.

"We need to contact Molly," Jack said. Chuck nodded. She had to know what she was getting into following the two.

}o{

Rafe sat in the room across the street from his lawyer's and husband's loft. It was an old warehouse that had been gentrified. He didn't trust cops, and the fact that Shaw was supposedly on his side, did nothing for him, but he did agree to the plan. Volkoff and his money were very convincing, although Rafe was thinking it might be time to change countries. A car pulled up, it was obviously cops that thought they were being inconspicuous. Rafe was pretty sure it was the two women that were at the station earlier. Crap, they had put it together, this was why he was so cautious. Blast Shaw and his stupid sense of romance. They had to be married, and agreed with Volkoff to do it elsewhere so they wouldn't be found out, but it seemed like the last few weeks, the cops were slowly tightening the net around them. Why couldn't Shaw just be happy having his libido satisfied? Why did he have to get married?

Rafe pulled up the rifle, and saw Evelyn rounding the corner. Rafe trained the gun the other direction and there was Shaw. He quickly put down the rifle and text Shaw. "You've been made, head back the way you came". He picked back up the gun and watched. Shaw pulled out his cellphone, frowned, and paused. He then looked around. Idiot! Shaw finally turned around, but Evelyn noticed it, and now she was hurrying after him. There was only one thing to do, and then he had to get out of town.

Rafe looked through the scope. He couldn't get a headshot because of the angle and the way the car's back window was situated. He glanced away and saw Shaw walking the other way, but Evelyn was heading in his direction. Amateurs. He had to do it now.

Rafe took a deep breath, steadied himself and pulled the trigger. Yelling came from the car. The car started and pulled away, but it was driving strangely. Shots peppered the window he had been firing out of. He didn't know who was firing, and really didn't care.

He got out of the window, hurried to the other side of the room and began to disassembled his weapon. He glanced out the window one more time and noticed the car stop, dead. He smiled, hurried out the door, down the stairs, out the back door of the building to where his car was stashed one street over. As he started his car and began to pull away, he smiled knowing one thing remained constant, Rafe didn't miss.

A/N: Dear fanfic readers…please don't kill me…Who was shot? Will she live? Find out next time on Casey and Walker…Same Chuck Time, Same Chuck Channel…Sorry for taking so long with this one. Researching what they could do legally, plus French marriage requirements took a bit. Thanks for reading, take care…til next time, and feel free to leave a review or drop me a line.

DC

[lovecanbesostrange]

Obligatory Grey’s feels feat Station 19

To get it out of the way. I liked Andi and Maya talking about all the crap between them and getting back to friendship territory. My problem is that the show started with “we are best friends” and it’s been such a steady downhill, that I find it poorly developed. Please be better, because omg does Andi need friends. Also somebody keeping Maya from spinning out is nice. Love her and Carina so much. Especially because Carina has been in Seattle for three seasons already and she is such a caring and wholesome person.

Loved the Drag Queens and this family vibe. The music-montage felt a bit too overdramatic though. But overall this is especially a win for Travis. Realizing he needs gay friends in his life, because everybody was his late husband’s circle and they drifted apart. (GS/S19 LGBT meetings? We could find out if Parker is somewhere at all, Taryn could get more help getting over her Meredith-crush, we have Nico, Levi, Maya, Carina... Teddy walks by awkwardly “well, I named my daughter after the woman I loved, whose death was so traumatic that I joyned the army and never told anyone about the truth of our relationship, am I allowed here??” and Amelia can just sit there........)

Oh right, I like Sullivan starting at the bottom. That’s a true new start. I hate that the PRT is gone, because it was a good concept to give the show more room for medical drama and it fit Warren’s skill set so well. :( btw Andi totally upholding Bailey/Warren as the relationship goal is cute, just like when Jo did this with Bailey.

So, now on to the FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS. GEORGE O’MALLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to be honest, I am 9000% over the way people put George on a pedastal in fandom, completely ignoring his trademark Nice Guy traits. Like everybody on Grey’s he did have flaws. And in some ways I did not miss him that much, but his death gets me everytime. Which funny enough was just this week on endless-rerun. So Meredith going “it’s George! it’s George!” and the funeral and everything was fresh in my mind once again and it was so nice seeing this calm version of him.

Bonuspoints for adressing that he aged. Because nothing is real anyway. It doesn’t matter if you want to read this as an actual glimpse into an afterlife or Meredith is having vivid Covid-dreams. The content is real to her (very King’s Cross). And I liked how she talked about that George left a mark. Even though we have to remember S1-5 are only two years of time. Extreme trauma conga! Short friendship, but so intense. Lexie, Steph or Levi now have spent more time at the hospital than George ever did. But those two years of residency were super formative.

That last moment with Webber and Bailey sitting there, was a really pretty picture. Calmness during the storm.

On the awake side of things I like how Meredith being sick is an anchor in the pandemic storyline. With all the doctors throwing around all the possible treatments. Teddy’s little meltdown of trying to stay on top of things was heartbreaking. So many news in 24 hours... and all of that is so much more important than the interpersonal drama. People are dying. And they won’t let us forget.

I did feel bad for Tom. And it’s him I am worried about if maybe they will let some more prominent character die. Casually throwing in that Helm had a mild case of covid was interesting. Because yeah, for some it’s not that bad. But for Tom there is also this obsession and his ego. And Teddy showing up was... hard. I do think he needs a friend. But she is also the source of his misery. Fucked up.

I love Link and Amelia. They process things in a very different way, but they managed to talk about this and find the ground where “you need this, I need this and we will let the other have their emotions”. Actual communication and support? in a romantic relationship? On my Grey’s Anatomy? (That is something Meredith and Derek could be very good at; Miranda and Ben are doing the best they can; it was what made Jo and Alex perfect for each other; it’s also why in the end I feel that Callie and Arizona as well as Jackson and April missed the mark, because they could be very bad at not fighting about their different coping mechanisms.)

Also I understand both. Link was isolated, had this cancer diagnosis, hovering parents and his whole life revolved around his illness. So he said “fuck it, the bad shit is here, but I can focus elsewhere”. And Amelia has drowned her sorrows and worries in drugs and alcohol and needs to let them out. Full on dark mode, panic attack and screaming. I think in a crisis they can manage to ground each other, if they keep the communication open. I really hope they will be allowed to stay in healthy couple mode (doesn’t mean there can never be conflict).

So, Levi and Nico are sex buddies - thanks Netherlands - and Levi is all about “having needs”. Wow, that was a fast development. Maybe they can talk about their emotional state a bit more. Would like to see them take inventory and speak about what the problem truly was.

Nico seems to have so much bottled up rage and it definitely bleeds together. As seen when he did confront Owen about the misdiagnosis. Pretty sure that comment from the woman in the ER is part of that. The Asian doctor getting asked where he is from... oh yeah, maybe for some more conservative viewers (that Grey’s does have for some miracle reason lol) they need to spell it out that this was over the “china virus”.Almost too subtle.

I am almost sorry it was Owen who got handed this bit. Because that could’ve been any white doctor really. The scene with Bailey was great. (When she had her heart attack and lectured that idiot psychiatrists at Seattle Pres was an amazing scene I still think about.) Owen is the go-to-hate-character already and this really isn’t about a personal racist failing, but a systematic problem. But I think Owen is the type of guy who will look at protocols and adjust. He is good at his job.

And ah, yes, the fun part - Jackson and Jo. Can I have this please? Can I just have friends with benefits with these two? I know it’s fucking Grey’s and odds are one of them will catch feelings, but I loved their last conversation, both being “omg so not ready for a relationship atm, but the sex was awesome”. Their upbringing is such a contrast and I think in a romantic relationship this spells terrible disaster. But if they manage to be friends who drink beer, play videogames, watch sports, talk about all the people they know and then award each other with orgasms - it’s a super fun disaster!! :3

I laughed when Jo was “gonna have sushi AND pizza and you’re paying”. I think Jo is allowed to make fun of Jackson’s lifestyle. BUT I need to get a tiny little scene where maybe she shows up bringing... a special brand of alcohol he likes or just his favorite pastry, whatever. Jo once won 1000$ from Alex and bought him a couch. She put all her savings into the loft. (Yes, she also said Alex could buy her new shoes, when he took the extra job.) Just don’t make it look like she is taking some weird financial advantage. (She owns shares in the hospital and does get an attending salary, come on.)

Dear Jackson, you mentioned Vic, Maggie and April. Did you leave out the part where you left Steph at a wedding on purpose? That was the perfect way to remember her and make this thing more awkward. XD Also please tell me they exchange more stories. Jackson and Jo haven’t crossed paths that often and were part of different dramatic storylines. Does Jo even know Jackson dated Lexie once? (I hope Alex told her about who Lexie was, or Meredith. Her freaking name is on the building.) Exchanging stories about Meredith was a good place to start.

Also bonuspoints for telling me that Jo is still doing therapy. Much, much needed information and I’m glad to know.

Oh right, the Maggie bit. I like Winston and WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. That was his dad? Coming on and first thing is to talk shit about his son? For having bad grades in school once?? Yeah, man, tune that shit out. It was nice that Maggie gave him space. I think she could’ve send a text to clarify if she should just leave it or if he wanted to talk, but either way, so mature. What’s happening with relationships?

[cherieofthedragons]

Fic: Come Skate With Me

@ravenclawnerd wrote this lovely ficlet about Zen and my MC Carina Lee ice skating (spoiler alert: Zen can’t skate), and it inspired me to write a second part to it. So have some insecure Zen -- with Carina to cheer him up, and way more feels than I intended when I started this thing.

Carina was beautiful when she skated. Zen wondered how he hadn’t know how natural she was on the ice. He sat on a bench, watching her with longing as she spun and laughed, wishing he could be beside her.

He’d never been forced from her side because he was clumsy before. The very idea -- Zen was not clumsy. He was graceful. His motions were smooth and elegant. He’d poured so much of himself into practicing his movements, into teaching his body to become an instrument of art, that he’d never thought to worry that he might be too klutzy for Carina, not in any situation.

But now he sat hunched over on the bench at the edge of the rink, elbows resting on his knees, glaring at the ice for having the audacity to take him down.

Out in the rink, Carina pirouetted like she’d been doing it all her life -- which, as it had turned out, she had. As a child, she’d taken skating lessons every winter, and although she hadn’t been on the ice in years, it was obvious to anyone with eyes that she was ecstatic to be back out there.

The sparkle in her eyes, the pink flush of her cheeks, the wind in her hair -- God, her beauty took Zen’s breath away. Just looking at her made his heart race. Even now, after so many months together, he couldn’t quite believe she was real.

Her eyes fell on his, and a grin spread over her face. Immediately, she glided towards him, reaching the edge of the rink in a matter of seconds. As soon as her feet stepped off the ice, she reached for his hand, slipping her gloved fingers into his before perching herself on the bench next to him.

“Are you okay, Zenny?”

Ha. He didn’t want to tell her how humiliated he was, but he wouldn’t lie to her, either. “Not especially.”

Carina squinted at him, an adorable crease appearing between her brows.

Since he couldn’t lie, he tried to distract her. “Don’t worry about me. You should go back out there.” He squeezed her fingers in a way that he hoped was reassuring. “I can see how much you love it.”

Carina ignored the suggestion, instead turning her body to face him and resting her free hand on his knee. “I’ll stay, if that’s all right. I’d rather be with you.”

Zen’s heart jumped into his throat at her assertion. No matter how long he’d been with her, it always seemed like a dream when she expressed any desire for him. Someday soon, he was sure he would wake up, and when it happened, he didn’t quite know how he would go on.

Carina grinned again, tilting her head to the side so that her beautiful hair fell over one shoulder. “How did I look out there?”

Zen wasn’t sure there were words large enough to describe her beauty. “Like a goddess,” he said. “Like my heart’s deepest desire come to life.”

Her cheeks flushed even redder than the cold had made them, and she tugged lightly on his hand. “Come skate with me,” she whispered.

God. Zen turned his head away. More than anything, he wanted to stay with her. He wanted to be as graceful as she was. He wanted to spin her around, completely natural at her side.

He didn’t want her to see him flailing like an incompetent loser. Not again.

“Zen?” Carina’s hand lifted from his knee, and she touched her finger to his chin, turning his face back towards her. “Don’t you want to come with me?”

“I--” Zen cast wildly about for an answer that wouldn’t make him seem pathetic. Quickly, he put on his most charming smile and winked at her. “You don’t need to worry, babe. You should have fun without me.”

She regarded him thoughtfully, and Zen struggled not to squirm under her penetrating gaze. Then she shrugged. “It’s probably better that way, anyway. You’d just hold me back.”

Her words didn’t register for a moment. Then realization hit him, and Zen’s his heart stopped in his chest. “You--”

“Well. It’s obvious you have no grace whatsoever. I should probably go see if Yoosung wants to skate with me. Or maybe Jumin--”

Reflexively, Zen squeezed her hand harder and pulled it towards himself. “Jumin, that jerk--”

Carina’s tinkling laugh startled him, and he looked at her eyes, which were now sparkling with mirth. “Oh. Does that bother you?” She sighed dramatically. “I guess you’ll have to come with me after all.”

Zen sputtered, completely thrown. “You’re teasing me.”

“You think?”

With a growl, he released her hand to fling his arm around her waist, pulling her close enough to press his lips to hers. She sighed immediately, one hand sliding around his neck to play with strands of his ponytail.

God, he would never get enough of her.

She was the one to break the kiss, smiling up at him impishly. “I have the most handsome, graceful, talented boyfriend in the entire world, and he’s embarrassed because he doesn’t know how to skate.”

He huffed defensively. “What man wants to fall on his face in front of the woman he loves?”

Carina’s look of confusion surprised Zen. “In front of -- what did you say?”

Um. “It’s embarrassing. For you to see me that way.”

The puzzlement on her face turned to disbelief. “You’re embarrassed because of me?”

Now Zen was the one confused. “Who else?”

Carina’s face broke out into a smile, and leaned forward to kiss him again, just a light brush of lips that left him wanting so much more. “I thought you didn’t want Jumin or Seven to see you struggling. How could you think that something like that would bother me?”

“Well--” When she said it like that, it did sound rather stupid. “I just want you to see the best in me. When you think of me, I don’t want you to picture a man falling over himself on the ice.”

Her thumb caressed the back of his neck as she gazed up at him. “When I think of you,” she murmured, “I picture a man who can charm hundreds of people with a single smile. I see ruby red eyes so compelling that when they look at me, I can’t tear mine away. I hear a rich, captivating voice singing love songs for me that melt my heart. I feel strong arms enveloping me, protecting me, making me feel safer and more cherished than I ever could have dreamed.”

Zen’s heart threatened to burst out of his chest. Was that truly how she saw him? Could she really love him that much?

Could he ever deserve her?

She broke her gaze suddenly, looking nervously over his shoulder. “You’re so perfect that I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. I keep wondering why you’re wasting time with me, and how long it will take you to figure out that I’m not worth it.”

The sudden change in the direction of her thoughts sent Zen’s head spinning, trying to keep up. Carina -- she had walked into his lonely life and turned the world upside down. Her sweet smile and soft touch lit up his heart, chasing away all the shadows of sorrow that had festered in its depths. Her kind, encouraging words gave him strength and hope when he thought both were impossible. She was like oxygen to him, and he marveled that he’d ever managed to survive without her.

And she thought she wasn’t good enough -- for him. For a lowly actor who’d struggled every step of his life. For a man who’d never been truly loved until she came into his world.

Impossible. She couldn’t think that. The very idea of her doubting her own value -- doubting what she meant to him -- was intolerable.

Carina chuckled uncertainly and shook her head. “I was actually proud about the skating. That I was able to do something that you couldn’t. When we dance, when we sing together -- I can hold my own, but you -- you shine like a star. I wanted to have a talent of my own, something that would impress you for once. Something that I could shine at. I wanted you to see me skate and be amazed.” She bit her lip. “Silly, I guess.”

He was such a fool. So arrogant and self-centered that, rather than appreciating and enjoying Carina’s skill, he’d turned it around and made it about himself. He’d wallowed in his own inadequacies when he should have been treasuring her talent.

Inexcusable.

Zen pulled Carina closer and touched his lips to her forehead. “You outshine me. All the time. Every day.” He wanted to tell her that her singing was more lovely to him than any star he’d worked with, that her delicate and precise dancing utterly bewitched him, but he doubted these were points that she would believe. So he said instead, “Have you not noticed that you’re the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met? That you enchant people with a single word, a single smile? No, don’t deny it,” he said when she opened her mouth. “There’s a reason the RFA party was such a blinding success, and it’s because of you. And I’m certain you’re the most understanding, patient human being ever to exist.” He huffed a small laugh. “Honestly, I don’t know how you put up with me and all my moods. I think you must be some kind of angel.”

Carina’s eyes were wet, and Zen panicked. He’d miscalculated. He’d made her cry. God, he ought to just stick with words from a script instead of trying to find his own. “I’m so sorry,” he said desperately. “I said the wrong thing. Tell me what it was, and I’ll apologize.”

She laughed as a single tear slid down her cheek. “No. That’s not why I’m crying. Everything you said was perfect. Hyun -- I love you. Sometimes I love you so much that it overwhelms me, and I don’t know what to do with it. Just promise me that you’ll stay with me. That’s all I need from you.”

Relief washed over him. “The easiest promise I ever made,” he said, and captured her mouth again. The kiss was soft, gentle, and yet he poured his soul into it, all the passion of his heart. He loved her. He needed her. And he always would.

When they pulled apart, Carina raised an eyebrow. “But I do still want you to be impressed with my skating.”

Zen laughed, feeling lightheaded. “I’m in awe of your skating. You’re so beautiful out there it makes my heart ache.”

“Thank you.” The smile that Carina bestowed upon him shone like the sun. Then it twisted into a smirk, and she cocked her head, pretending to think. “You know, I’m pretty sure your heart will ache less if you’re out there with me.”

How could he resist that? “You win,” he conceded, and reveled in her tinkling laugh as she dragged him out to the ice. He knew he was about to make a fool out of himself again.

He also knew that she was completely worth it.

[captainjacksparrowpotc]

Dead Men Tell No Tales - Review (sort of)

Okay first of all, I wrote an entire review and because tumblr is a fucking piece of shit it glitched or whatever and I lost it all. Fuck you tumblr. Anyway, here is another version. I’ve probably forgotten to cover some stuff. My original covered like everything. Ugh. I’m so pissed right now.

So, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, and as I promised, I’m going to tell you guys what I think of it.

Before I get into it, I’d like to start off with some important notes. First of all, this is going to be long as it’s an in detail review of the whole film (keeping in mind I’ve only seen it once), mixed with some of my thoughts on the franchise as a whole, and some headcanons. It’s kind of a combination of review, general thoughts, and slight rant over things I disliked about the film. Secondly, I’ve only seen it once, so this is all going off memory. I might have gotten some details wrong here or there. I’m doing this off a one time watch and memory of that. My opinions might change when I rewatch the film a second, third, or fourth time. I’ll let you know if they do. Thirdly, I’m warning everyone about language and negativity. Fourthly, this might contain some unpopular opinions and I’m not apologizing for that. That brings me to my fifth, and most important, note that this is my personal opinion. I am, as you are as well, entitled to my own opinion. I also would like to say as this is my blog, I’ll post whatever I damn well please. If you wish to discuss something with me, you may. Key word here being discuss. If you are planning on starting a fight, or coming to me to spew hateful words because you disagree with me, kindly fuck off. With that being said, on with the review! Oh, and spoiler alerts (duh).

To put it simply, it wasn’t good but it wasn’t terrible.

Quick overview? About 2 and a half hours of cheap jokes for a quick laugh. They weren’t bad (and often dirty) jokes. Got a bit repetitive in parts, and they weren’t all that great, but they did make me giggle more than a few times. Plot was, uh, lacking. It was there, but it wasn’t that good. Characterization was rather shit (for those we already knew, especially and in particularly for Jack). I do not like Kaya Scodelario. More on all of this below the cut:

(I wonder how many followers I’m going to lose because of this?)

I got to the cinema early. Almost ten minutes early, in fact. I still somehow managed to miss the very beginning of the film. I don’t know how much, but I think it was just starting? Henry was rowing. I got to my seat just as he arrived on the Dutchman. So, I’m not sure how much of the beginning I missed. I was kind of irritated because I was early, which meant they started the film WAY earlier than they were supposed to (I checked the ticket, to make sure I had the time right and I had).

So let’s go in order of what I put in the quick overview above. Then anything extra will be added after that.

First up: cheap jokes.

These aren’t new in the potc films. In fact, these witty little play on words moments, dirty jokes, and banter-like moments are often favorite scenes within the films. The problem is, it felt like they knew this, and as such over used them. It was as if they were like “okay so they like these moments so let’s shove as many as we can into the film and then double it.” Someone should have pointed out what a horrible idea that was. Too late now.

I mean I’m not saying those moments were bad. Most of them were funny. One of the things this franchise does really well is those types of jokes. But the problem was there were these great little funny moments within the film, as with the other films, that seemed to happen way too often. Noticeably too often. It felt like they paused the film to get them in.

I liked the jokes (most of them, the that’s-my-stern-not-my-port joke was drawn out for too long and died). They just relied on them too much, I think is the problem.

Second up, and boy is it a doozy, the plot.

(This might sound like characterization at first, but bare with me.)

Little Henry was cute. I can’t remember if it says his exact age, but I want to say around 10 or 12? They actually gave us a time frame with the “10 years later” or “5 years earlier” or whatever they were, but since I don’t remember the exact time line I can’t say for sure. Anyway, little Henry was cute. He loves his dad, and he reminded me of Will in the way he vowed to free him.

Will. Now THAT is something I’m a little miffed about. There’s been a debate within the fandom over whether or not Will was cursed to remain the Captain of the Flying Dutchman for all of eternity or just for the 10 years and if Elizabeth was there waiting for him he’d be set free. Personally, I thought it was the latter, and it made more sense that way. Turns out that’s not the case. I thinks it’s a bit BS, and kind of ruins the ending and story line of the second and third films. I mean, when I saw that he was still the captain and he was cursed to be like that forever, I felt really sad. And not the oh-now-I-hope-Henry-will-free-him sad, but the wow-the-ending-of-his-and-Elizabeths-story-is-now-kind-of-ruined-and-my-perception-of-it-has-just-changed-dramatically-for-the-worst sad.

It was also completely unnecessary??? I mean I was even talking with my brother about it after the film. I said that if you took Will out of the film, and just got rid of that entire plot line, it would still be the same film. He was completely pointless. For the record I love Will. He’s ridiculous and adorable. But if you’d have cut Henry and him out of the story and just had Carina in realize she needs Jack? Yeah, same story. It felt like they included Will because everyone loves Will and Orlando Bloom, so they were like “GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT! BRING BACK WILL TURNER!” But if I had been there during that decision I’d have piped in with a “yes, we all love will, but we don’t want him brought back like this.”

Seriously, Henry could have been anyone else and the story would have been the same. The plot just needed someone to find Jack and pass on the message from Salazar. At this point you might be going “but what about the trident then? if Henry didn’t need the trident to free his father then he wouldn’t need to tell Jack to get it. So Jack would have just ran and there’d be no more plot!” Yeah but here is the thing, Jack wanted the trident to stop Salazar from coming after him. All Henry did was convince him to go after it. Could have easily done that another way. I’ve got nothing against Henry, I just think it’s a badly thought out and very thin/lame plot to hold it together.  

I don’t have an issue with Salazar leaving one person alive to tell the tale and having him get Jack. It makes sense, but Henry and the Will plot point is, as I’ve said, unnecessary.

Now I was about to go onto more plot issues, when I realized that the rest of the issues I have are characterization gone wrong more than bad plot.

So, third up is characterization.

Let’s start with Henry. Already established that I think he was a cute kid. Very devoted. Very brave. I think it was a little funny how when Will told him to stay away from the sea (to which side note, wtf Will he’s your son do you really think that’ll work. look at your own story), and then Will spent his entire life on the sea. Sailor Henry was cute. Overall, I have no problem with him, mostly because I’ve got nothing to compare him to. I do have an issue with his interactions with Jack. First he wants to find him, almost seems to look up to him as this super amazing adventurer after the stories he’s heard. Then when he meets him, he borderline hates him? I mean he doesn’t, but strong dislike. I get he’s disappointed, but he does a complete 180 on his opinion on him. Then just as fast as that happens, he suddenly likes him. By the end of the film he AND Carina care about him.

See the thing here is I think they were trying to re-do Will and Elizabeth. Henry was Will and Carina was Elizabeth. Only, that didn’t work. I mean, first of all it was way too obvious and as an audience member it was kind of offence that they were basically like ‘oooh, look! it’s just like the other films. you liked those. now like this one, too. see? just the same!’ Except it was not, and you audience is not a baby that you’re trying to trick into thinking the other toy is the same one as their favorite but you couldn’t find that one so you’re trying to convince it that the toy you are presenting is just as good if not the same. It didn’t work. Henry and Carina are NOT Will and Elizabeth. No matter how many bloody parallels they draw. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if they weren’t so blatantly trying to force us to take them as the same. So since they so obviously want us to take Henry and Carina as the new Will and Elizabeth, then I’ll be comparing them. They did this to themselves.

Anyway, onto the point I was making. There was not enough development between Carina and Henry and Jack. In any combination. Henry and Carina’s romance was bullshit, I’m sorry I have to call it. Will and Elizabeth’s love story stretched back to when they were children. They’d known each other and been in love for years. They then spent THREE FILMS getting to where they were. You may argue about the end of the first film as they get together, and the second opens with what should be their engagement. But here is the thing, THEY WERE IN LOVE FOR YEARS. Henry and Carina were not. Their relationship was absolutely terribly built. I did not believe it at all.

I’d like to take a moment to give a side note that, I actually did WANT to like all parts of this. I even tried to FORCE myself to like all these things I’m pointing out and tried to convince myself otherwise. So when I say this, please understand this is me admitting it, and not me just bitching about it because I didn’t want to like it from the start. I did. I really did want to like it. I went in with it wanting to like it. Convincing myself to like it.

So Carina and Henry’s relationship progressing that fast was dumb. If they wanted to move it that fast they needed SO MUCH MORE build up. I think the problem was that this film should have spanned two films. But they didn’t have the possibility because Johnny Depp could easily have refused (maybe they wanted to do that and he did refuse, I don’t know). But they pushed a two film plot into one film. At least it feels like that. So they cut things, rushed things, and cocked a lot of it up. A real shame.

Henry and Jack I’ve already touched upon. Carina and Jack was practically nonexistent. So why she cared about him at all makes no sense. Both Henry and Carina should not have cared as much about Jack as they did at the end. I mean, sure you can argue the whole ‘they are decent people and they know him and decent people care about other’s lives and especially if they know them.’ True. But given what we know about them all, and the lack of interactions, and the fact this is the 1700s and Jack was a pirate, I’m not buying it. They’d be concerned and care on a basic human level, sure. But risk their lives to save him? No.

Before we go to Carina’s characterization, let’s get to Will’s characterization. May I please be the one to say WHAT THE FUCKITY-FUCK WAS THAT. Okay sure, I could see Will turning a bit bitter towards Jack as time went on. He starts blaming Jack for making him the Captain of the Dutchman. He’s angry. Whatever. BUT THIS IS WILLIAM TURNER WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE. Will is like a fucking puppy. A cute little golden Labrador. He would have gotten over it. He’d have realized he can’t blame Jack. He’d know that Jack had to do it. That Jack did it for him. He did it for Elizabeth. He did it for himself, because Jack and Will are friends. He could not blame Jack for that. He wouldn’t blame Jack for that. At least not for long. So to have Will tell his son to stay away from Jack, to act as if he hates Jack, pissed me off. And it was not Will pretending so his son would not get involved in a crazy adventure with Jack. Will isn’t that good an actor. That was genuine hate. And it was totally out of character. WILL AND JACK ARE FRIENDS. I will scream this from the rooftops if I have to. Will risked EVERYTHING for Jack. In the first fucking film no less!!! He literally gave up (because if things hadn’t gone the way they had, that’s what he was doing) Elizabeth ELIZABETH for Jack. TO SAVE JACK. After everything, Will (and Elizabeth) cared about Jack. They’d been through enough by the end of At World’s End, that’s for bloody sure. Will, Elizabeth, and Jack are friends. I have no doubts that if one of them was in trouble, and someone came to get the other one to help, they would. If Elizabeth was in trouble and Will went to Jack for help, he’d help. If Will was in trouble and Elizabeth went to Jack for help, he’d help. If Jack was in trouble and - well you get the idea. They were friends. They cared about each other. Will’s reaction to Jack is bullshit. The way Will should have reacted was, sure, to tell Henry to not try anything because it would be too dangerous for a child. Yeah. He shouldn’t have told him to forget about him, because that’s ridiculous and Will of all people should know that you don’t forget about your father trapped by a curse to forever be on the Dutchman. But when Jack came up, Will should have told Henry not to go to him because he could see Jack becoming Uncle Jack, and dangerous adventures and bad influences on his innocent little son. He should not have been filled with hate.

Elizabeth’s characterization is kind of hard to comment on because she wasn’t there much. Like only a the end. From what I saw, I’m, uh, confused to say the least. This is 1700s. She’s a woman. You’re telling me her husband was cursed to forever be on a ship and only to come to land once every ten years, and no one batted an eye at her being by herself all that time? Why the fuck was Henry even OUT THERE to find Will? Where was Elizabeth? That in itself is a plot. That’s like Moana-esque. Henry wants to go to see (unlike Moana he knows why and it’s to get his dad). Elizabeth won’t let him go to see. Henry goes anyway. It ends badly the first time. But like, getting back to the point, Elizabeth wouldn’t have let her son do that. It means she didn’t know where he was because he’d sneaked off. So where was Elizabeth? She’s a woman in 1700s. She might be rich after inheriting her father’s money and estate after the events of the previous films, but she’d have to do something all day. Working? What? Where? How did she get away with being, what in essence, was a single mother all those years in that society, at that level class? Why did she let Henry go into the navy? Elizabeth’s characterization in this film, due to it being lacking, just raised a whole lot of questions about the implications of her whole situation.

Let’s go to Barbossa before we get to Carina. He wasn’t actually that badly characterized. I mean, they sort of went back and forth a bit. They portrayed him a bit like he was in the first film, then mixed in some of the fourth film. He was sometimes a blend of both. Which, while it’s problematic a bit because even in the fourth film when he was basking in the luxury of the upper class, when it came down to it he was still the pirate Captain Barbossa. The one in the first film. But sure. Let’s go with this mixing making sense. The thing was, he’d, at times, be absolutely one or the other. It was like you never knew which Barbossa you were going to get. Tame upper class Barbossa? Or pirate Barbossa? Or both? Who knew. It was like a really irritating game of Guess Who. Also his interactions with Jack are annoying. They’re like friends but then not. I mean, part of it makes sense for them. But after all the events of the previous films, it just doesn’t make sense for them to be... how they were. Not nearly as bad a characterization as it could have been, but parts just felt a bit odd. It kind of felt like that for the whole film though. Like they were simultaneously ignoring and not ignoring the previous four films. It was weird.

Now, I will say that I’d like to strangle the person who came up with the idea for THAT ending. I’ll say this once: Hector Barbossa does not die. We’ve already done this. Film One. Dead, then back to life at the end of film 2. I’d also like to add that we don’t see him die. Just the implication of it. So... make of that what you will. If they keep him dead then that’s stupid. If they bring him back that’s stupid too, because they’re now repeating himself, but at least it makes more sense. If he really is dead, then it is just extra stupid. His death was completely unnecessary. Salazar would have been washed off the anchor with the force of the sea and the others being forced down the chain above him. Barbossa’s death was a cheap way for them to show that he loved his daughter.

Speaking of his daughter, Carina was irritating. Since I’ve already said that I don’t like Kaya Scodelario already, let me make it clear I am doing this part without the bias of my dislike of her. In fact, I tried to make myself like Carina way more than anything because I knew I didn’t like the actress, so I wanted to make sure I wasn’t writing off a character due to my own opinion of the woman portraying her. So I’m rather annoyed to say I dislike Carina. I wanted to like her very badly. But Carina was irritating. She wasn’t charming. She was smart, which was nice, and she was supposed to be one of those ‘ahead of her time’ women. Actually, that bit was almost like the writers banging us on the head and yelling ‘HEY SHE’S AHEAD OF HER TIME.’ Like I get it. Chill. She’s one of the often seen, now almost cliche female characters in period pieces. It seems like female protagonists (or even just women that are supposed to be more important than super background characters) in period pieces have to be ‘ahead of their time’ to exist. It’s annoying, but let’s not go onto a feminism rant. The reason I don’t like Carina isn’t because she’s a cliche (which she is), but because she’s irritating. Most of the time. Not all the time, but enough of the time that it’s a problem. She’s just so narrow minded. And she is narrow minded, you can’t argue that. You can be smart and narrow minded. She has set beliefs and won’t listen, and openly mocks, others if they disagree. She thinks she’s better than everyone else. It’s irritating. Also the whole daughter things was painfully obvious. I mean right from the start it became a ‘ugh, great who are they going to make be her dad’ thing. I almost wondered if Poseidon or Salazar would be. I could go on and describe all the way Carina irritated me and why she wasn’t a good character, but I’d rather say the one thing that made me like her a little. Her one moment that makes me not say I hate her. Her one moment that is the reason I’m giving her a pass and not completely writing her off. When Barbossa realizes she’s his daughter. She was... real in that moment. Her character managed to become more human and less an arrogant, narrow minded, irritation. She had a history. Doesn’t excuse her for the previous mentioned traits, but that bit of characterization saved her for me. Oh, and I love Barbossa’s reaction to that. I think that entire scene may have been one of, if not the, best one in the film. Including the Jack bit at the end.

Now I do not like Kaya Scodelario. It’s nothing personal. I’m sure she’s a nice person. I don’t like her as an actress. Not sure why. I just don’t like her. I get that this might upset some people. I’d appreciate it if we could show some maturity and not come to my inbox to yell at me about it. You’re not going to change my mind. I don’t like her. Maybe it’s that I don’t think she’s a competent actress, or maybe it’s just her face. I truthfully don’t know what it is. There are very few celebrities that I actually truly dislike. She’s one of the few. I seriously have no idea why. I just kind of ignore her though, because whatever. I don’t like her, move on. I’m saying this because if in the future they make a potc 6 with her as a main character again, don’t expect me to be thrilled. As I said, I judged Carina completely separate from my dislike of her. Ms. Scodelario got a not that great character, and she did as much as she could with what she got. I dislike the actress separately from my dislike for the character. I’ve tagged this as “Kaya Scodelario hate” because I’ve been asked to do so before when posting something about me not being her biggest fan before. Again, please don’t come at me for this. I’m just putting it out there so it is clear that if it comes up again, my opinion is known. Don’t expect to see much of her on my blog.

Pintel and Ragetti. Yeah they weren’t in it. Kind of pissed about that. I actually liked them. They were funny. I mean the two that replaced them were Murtogg and Mullroy. Yeah, they were in the other films, but this felt like they are being stretched and converted into acting as Pintel and Ragetti. I mean I like Murtogg and Mullroy, but I liked them as them. You know? I also missed Pintel and Ragetti in this one. They could have been interesting in it. I understand that might have been a personal thing with the actors, but like that doesn’t mean Murtogg and Mullroy had to be... whatever they were. Plus, they weren’t that important in this film. Almost like it was decided that they were important enough to include because people like them but not enough to actually... do much more than exist and have some lines.

Gibbs. I don’t have a problem with his characterization. Might be a bit irritated that he was so willing to let Jack be executed considering their history and, oh, I don’t know, THE FACT IN THE PREVIOUS FILM JACK WENT TO LONDON AND OUT OF HIS WAY TO SAVE HIM FROM EXECUTION. Look, I get it. Gibbs could have been all too happy to agree to save Jack anyway, and just claimed it was only the money that did it. But? Just kind of seems lame to me. After all they’ve been through and such. I like him. I like his friendship with Jack. I think they could have done him a better justice in parts, but I don’t have too much of a problem with it. I’m choosing to believe he readily agreed to saving Jack and the money was a thin reasoning to do so. They’re pirates but they’re not heartless.

Everyone else: don’t really have a problem with it, or nothing to base one off of. I also can’t remember everyone. So, if you want a specific opinion on someone let me know. Send me an ask and I’ll be happy to answer.

Jack. OH. MY. GOD. I saved him for last because OHMYGOD. Buckle up fellas, we’ve got a lot to get through and I’ve got a lot of anger to explain.

I literally do not even know where to begin with this. I have an issue with every aspect of Jack’s characterization in this film. EVERY ASPECT. From his costume to his personality. By the way, let me first start off by saying that was not Captain Jack Sparrow that we saw. That was some impostor that sucks at being Captain Jack Sparrow. The only time we saw Jack was in the flashback (which can we please take a moment because HAHAHAHAHA what was that?! It felt like 20 minutes of back story. It was like a bad fanfic explaining an OC’s reasoning to be in the fic. (Salazar being the OC.) And as someone who has written a block of backstory in a fic like that [it was my first fic don’t judge, i’m better now] I just want to say what was that???). Flashback Jack was the highlight of the fucking film. I am telling you, if you’ve chosen to read this without seeing the film, then go see it just for young Jack. I mean, I’m pretty sure Jack was in his late teens or early twenties in that flashback. I totally understand how he got his reputation now. Like completely get it. That scene was the single greatest thing in the entire film. I loved it. It’s also so.. Jack. From how he talks, to how he acts, to explaining so many things about him. That moment, that scene is why I love these films. These films can be so good. Scenes like that are what remind me of that. In a few minutes (if that) we learn so much about Jack. I mean SO MUCH. If you want, I’ll make a separate post about that scene to explain it’s importance. But WOW. That scene is phenomenal. Well okay, I’m not a fan of the whole Salazar giving his is name ‘Sparrow’ because that’s... not accurate? I can’t remember exactly at the moment, but I read somewhere that if someone has sailed all the seas or something like that that they are a ‘sparrow’ or something. I can’t remember exactly, but like his last name had an explanation before. It might have been in the books. Not sure. Anyway, it’s just so tragic that flashback Jack is the only time Jack is Jack.

Now, present Jack is the issue here, so I’ll stop gushing over young Jack and focus on Why Present Jack Sucks So Very Much. Please note all this is disregarding Johnny Depp’s life events during the filming. Johnny Depp is a wonderful actor. He was still a wonderful actor in this film. He was Jack. He was just the Jack they told him to be. He got a wrong Jack. He made him come to life and it was, undoubtedly, a good performance. I never once did not believe he wasn’t his character. He was believable. This was not an acting thing. This was a character thing. A writing thing. A director thing. A producer thing. Whatever.

Let’s talk appearance first. He looked aged, but like it’s been some years and I’m pretty sure Jack is like in his 40s at the very least in canon at this point. So, sure aging is appropriate. I mean, if they wanted to they could have made him look younger, but then that would have been weird because he should have aged. If he hadn’t then we’d be like “did he get some kind of youth thing we don’t know about???” But the problem I had was, for the most part, Jack still looked like Jack, except for his hair. Which, if you didn’t notice, WAS BLONDE IN SOME AREAS. I have dark hair. No matter how much I’m in the sun, it does not go blonde. No matter how much I’m in the sea and sun, it does not go blonde. Jack’s hair might have turned grey, sure. But blonde? No. Unless Jack secretly makes sure to stop by a salon and have his hair done. I don’t think so, though. So there was that. I’ve made a post (read: rant) about his hair before, so I won’t go into it. The point is, Jack’s hair kind of ruined his physical Jack-ness.

Personality? Oh my god not even the same man. It’s cute how they were trying to go with ‘Jack loses his luck’ to show how desperate and lost Jack was that he traded his compass for rum. I mean they needed a reason for him to do that. Problem is, Jack doesn’t loose his luck. It just isn’t done. Also, for the record, Jack is equally luck and brains. It’s visible in the other films. He pays attention to things. He is aware of the layout of the room, of possibilities. Jack is a quick thinker. That’s like one of his main and strongest assets. His luck isn’t actually that much. It’s quick thinking. If his luck truly left him, he’d still be Jack. He’d still be fine. So this whole thing where he becomes this shell of himself, a desperate pathetic shadow of who he is, is utter bullshit.

Also, I’m mad how they portrayed him and rum. Jack is not an alcoholic. Does he drink? Yes. Does he drink a lot? Yes. Does he have self control and priorities? Yes. The last one is key. Also, Jack is used to rum. He can function perfectly well with some rum in him. He doesn’t need rum to survive, though. The thing with this film is they took the joking of Jack and his rum to unhealthy level. To Jack ruining his own plan to rob a bank. (also robbing banks? lame.) To Jack actually giving away THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO HIM (beside the Pearl) for RUM. Rum is so common. For Jack being so needing of rum that after that crazy and obviously magic curse induced ominous earthquake due to his compass that Jack would just... watch? No. Jack would have thrown the bottle of rum back at the bloke and grabbed his compass and ran out of there. He’s not an idiot. Jack likes rum. He loves rum. But his relationship with it in this film was out of character.

His compass just makes me so mad and I’m not even going to get into it. He wouldn’t have traded it. He wouldn’t have. I don’t care how low he was. He would not have traded it. That flashback showed us that for fucks sake.

Jack’s so out of character in this film it’s ridiculous. His reactions and interactions with everyone is absolutely not how they would have went. The only time he was correctly responding in character to something, that wasn’t in the flashback, was with Barbossa when his former first mate realized Carina was his daughter. Even that was sloppily done if I’m honest. I mean, it’ll pass. But that was about as in character as Jack was in present day.

Jack’s reactions to Elizabeth were SO INFURIATING I COULD HAVE SCREAMED. Actually I made this weird strangled noise in the back of my throat at one point. Jack and Elizabeth had this back and forth flirting thing that wasn’t serious. Elizabeth wasn’t ever going to go with Jack. Sure, in the beginning Jack would have slept with her if he’d had the chance, but even that could be argued as questionable by the end. After the events of the first three films, their relationship was more like harmless flirting. I don’t think, after At World’s End, Jack would have slept with Elizabeth. I mean, maybe after a few months or a year or so he would, but if at the end of the film Elizabeth had 100% seriously offered, I think Jack would have said no because it would have been weird. At that point Elizabeth was more like a friend, and dare I say little sister, to him. Jack and her had this silly flirty thing between them that meant nothing and both of them knew it. It’s why they kept doing it. Why Will and everyone else never batted an eye at it. It never would have gone anywhere. So to have Jack seriously act that way towards Elizabeth and Will and Elizabeth’s relationship is not realistic. I mean I get a joke or two. “Does Mommy ever ask about me” or whatever he said to Henry is cute and funny. One time. A single joke, because come on he had to. Sure. But he goes too far. He keeps on. He starts making it way too sexual. Jack wouldn’t do that. Let me clarify. Jack wouldn’t start saying those things to her fucking son. He just wouldn’t. AND HENRY DOESN’T REACT?! That’s his mother Jack is talking about. This just shows how this was a cheap joke. It was just a joke moment for Jack but it wasn’t funny. They took it too far. The thing is, that moment acted as characterization for Jack. And it was out of character. Jack would of course make a joke, but just one or two. A quick little quip. He wouldn’t make it so... sexual. That’s the problem. Jack turned it dirty. Far passed a silly joke. He wouldn’t do that. Jack doesn’t do that. This might sound weird to the casual view who doesn’t think much about the films or Jack. But think about it. Jack’s behavior isn’t saintly. It’s nowhere near it. But Jack isn’t a fucking monster either. Even how Jack reacts to Elizabeth in other times in the film is out of character. His reaction to seeing her at the end with Will? When he sees her it’s so sexual again. Sure, Jack would give her an appreciative once over, and he might roll his eyes and her and Will together, but he wouldn’t react to them, or her, like that. Throughout the whole film his behavior to Elizabeth is appalling because when it comes to Elizabeth especially, Jack is almost gentleman-like. No seriously. Rewatch the films. Not once did he treat Elizabeth like how this film had him do or imply the actions he’d take if he bumped into her again. Even when Jack was very drunk, alone on an island with her, and had reason to believe Elizabeth would be up for a tumble in a bit because she hadn’t had enough to drink yet but possibly would be up for it, Jack still treated her with, well, respect. He flirted. He pushed it a bit with what was really proper in the 1700s. But Jack NEVER touched her or acted like he does to her. Jack doesn’t even treat WHORES badly. I mean he’s not particularly gentleman-like with them, but he’s never actually abused a woman. He’s never done something (to our knowledge) without their permission. So to have him talk like that? It’s not Jack. They made Jack seriously act like that, and it was not Jack. I’d personally like to believe the reason Jack is so, for lack of a better word, gentleman-like with Elizabeth and generally decent to all woman, is that his upbringing. I feel like his dad had a lot to do with it. I can kind of imagine Jack having a very clear lesson and reiteration in how you do not treat a woman, why, and the consequences if his dad finds out he has (of course now that Jack’s an adult he doesn’t need the consequences as a threat, though it’s totally still valid). But whatever the reason of Jack’s treatment of women, it’s lacking in this film. 

Overall Jack is not Jack and it’s so obvious. It’s terrible that they did that to him. I know this is called Pirates of the Caribbean, and not Captain Jack Sparrow, but let’s be honest here. This is about Jack. So to change Jack so much? It’s ridiculous. I don’t know who that was, but it wasn’t our Jack.

Now, one character I didn’t mention before but would like to touch upon and provide some comments/thoughts because he’s kind of great? Uncle Jack. The entire thing with him was hilarious. I mean at the end it wasn’t. The ending of that bit sort of killed it. You know when there’s a running joke going on and one person says something to add to it or whatever and it ends up killing the joke? Yeah, Jack’s little note that got them back to the plot of him going to his execution did that. But before that the bit was hilarious. I also loved that we got confirmation that Jack’s dad can sing. I mean we all figured but we weren’t 100% sure, so it was great that we got that confirmation. Also, that Uncle Jack can sing. It’s like a low key family trait. Which is great. Can Jack sing? I mean we’ve only heard him sing when drunk or lightly murmuring. We’ve never heard him try. I bet he can. That just makes my day. Imagine it. Their entire family low key being known around the world as great singers. It’s just great. Also Uncle Jack’s existence is just great. Can you image the reunions? Imagine little Jack and him? Uncle Jack, probably his name sake, visiting him. I’m talking four year old Jack. Jack who looked at his dad in awe. Jack who wanted to be just like his dad. He loves when Uncle Jack visits. He gets to hear about the adventures he and his dad went on. Of the adventures (read: trouble) Uncle Jack got into. Eyes wide in awe. Little Jack vowing to be just as cool as his dad and Uncle Jack. It’s so cute. Jack’s family seems so close. Like sure they aren’t physically close, like they don’t see each other much. They sort of just run into each other. If one of them dies they’ll probably find out through the grapevine, but like they stick out for each other. 

So yeah. Overall it wasn’t a bad film. I mean I know this might not seem like it, but honestly it wasn’t terrible. If you’ve chosen to read this before watching the film, I’m telling you that you shouldn’t take this as a reason not to go see it. It wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t particularly good. Mostly I just pointed out the issues as to why it wasn’t good but not terrible. To a casual viewer I’d imagine it was decent to borderline good. It was kind of what I expected but also not. Like I didn’t think it would be very good, but hoped it would be good. I didn’t think the problems there would be were what they were, and the disappointment was in those problems. I think I could have dealt with the plot weakness if even Jack’s characterization was the only thing that was the right one. But overall, it wasn’t awful. 

So... I think that’s it? I had way more on the other version. Thanks, Tumblr. If I’ve not covered something on here that you want to know about, just send me an ask. I’m happy to give my opinion on anything if anyone so wishes for it (for some unfathomable reason). No hate please. I’m open to discussing (again, discussing. no hate) or explaining something I’ve said further if you want. I’m pretty sure there is a load more I should have covered and did in my original post but I’ve been writing this for like over five hours now. My brain’s a little fried at this point. 

To the person who asked me specifically to share my opinion of Dead Men Tell No Tales, I hope this is sort of what you were looking for? Again, don’t hesitate to send me an ask if you’ve got a specific question. I’m sure I meant to or did have it on here originally, and am sorry I didn’t include it in this. As I said, I’m more than happy to discuss this more and/or answer more questions!

What did you think of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales?