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sea-side-scribbles · 21 days ago

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Solas wakes up in the strange new world of his own making and it terrifies him. Ridden with guilt, he joins the Inquisition and begins his lonely research in order to correct his mistake.

He doesn’t expect to find consolation in the presence of a human who wields ancient elven magic without knowing it. Who is way too gentle for an elgar’thanelan, but doesn’t know that either.

Solas, for his part, doesn’t know how to stay away.

Dorian wonders if the mysterious elf just enjoys playing with a Tevinter. He wouldn’t expect anything else.

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Chapter 1- 13 | Right after uthenera, Solas is found by a Dalish clan. This goes well until it doesn’t. (Basically my excuse for world building and hilarious misunderstandings.)

Chapter 14 | Solas joins the Inquisition.

Chapter 20 | Dorian appears in Haven.

Chapter 34

Wandering up the hill to the village, Dorian heard the sounds from afar: the clanking of armour, blades hitting each other, the hammering in the smithy. And voices. "Is this version of Haven full of spirits?", he asked, already bracing himself. "It is full of images", Solas explained in a dreamy tone. "I assumed you would feel more comfortable there if it was not empty." "I can imagine this would've been eerie. Although now, we'd see a lot of actually dead people walking around”, Dorian couldn't help mentioning. "That is the nature of the fade.” The dreamer was almost reproachful. "It holds memories. As long as someone remembers, they will not be lost."

Dorian spotted a group of people walk out of the heavy gates, bows on their backs, about to hunt. Discussing something supposedly important, their voices were carried over to him, but their words were muffled. Solas watched them, too. "Hunters. Their party went out every morning to supply the Inquisition. I remember their names being called at the funeral." Now Dorian was ashamed he didn't remember them. Even though he couldn't possibly know every single soul of Haven. Did this have to become so sad?

Even Solas didn't seem to enjoy this. He looked up the mountain with a wistful expression that broke Dorian's heart. "Perhaps we avoid Haven for now. I wouldn't like to reopen any fresh wounds. And I don't think Fade-Flissa serves drinks in her tavern anyway", he tried to distract him, awkwardly fidgeting, because he didn't dare to put a hand on his shoulder. The elf actually lightened up a bit. "You don't think so?" The playfulness in his tone delighted Dorian in return. "Does she?” His curiosity awoke again. “How would this work?" "It would be just a memory. The taste, the temperature, the texture...But it would not sate you." "I've been told to never consume anything I'm given in the fade." "A safe sentiment, although not always necessary." Dorian threw his head back, laughing. "You're making the fade a lot more likeable.” "That is why we are here”, Solas said calmer, but still entertained. “To reduce the fear your Circles have taught you." "I'd say caution, not fear, but I nonetheless appreciate the invitation." To Solas' furrowed brows, he added: "To a drink. At Fade-Flissa's."

"...really? That is what you think about now? In the fade?" For some reason, Solas didn't like this. "Why not? If you're going to confront me with a spirit, at least I'd have a glass to hold on to. You know I'm shy like that!" The elf was the first person to manage an angry chuckle. "You are not ready to speak to a spirit yet." "But hopefully not because I'm enjoying myself?" Solas didn't answer. He walked on towards Haven, as if he angrily agreed to have a drink. With a boost of courage, Dorian planted himself in front of him and pressed both his hands against the slender shoulders. The fur of his coat felt really fluffy on his skin. He wasn't ready to have the freckled face so close to him, and the violet eyes piercing his own, but he had to pull through.

"Solas, please", he said to the hardened features, "I believe we've been through this already. Let me comfort you. This time, we're even about to be in a tavern." He added a smirk to the last sentence. Solas stared over Dorian's shoulders, as if annoyed, but his mouth puckered. "You do remember my words", he stated, standing immobile like a statue. "Naturally, as I told you." Dorian let go of his shoulders, now that he halted. From a safer distance, he went on: "Don't get me wrong. I'm taking the fade very seriously. I just can't bear seeing sad elves. Especially when it's you. You have a way of lowering your ears that I just can't stomach." "And I thought you would be used to that sight.” Said elf was dry as sand paper.

The notion stung, but there was no way giving up now. "Call it a complex, if you must. If I see a sad elf, I get the feeling I have to do something about it." "You would have plenty to do at home." Solas tried to push him away, but he wouldn't have it. "I...suppose. But right now, I'm not at home. I'm here, with you." Dorian tilted his head, hoping to be just as adorable as Solas with this gesture. The elf turned his gaze away. “Come now, have a drink with me. I promise to behave.” Solas crossed his arms, but Dorian could see his shoulders tremble. “We will have to speak about Tevinter one day...”, he stated as if he read it from an agenda paper. “Of course. I'd like to. I love speaking about my homeland, and myself for that matter. But perhaps not here. The subject causes blood to boil and not in a good way.” Solas unfolded his arms and his posture relaxed a little. He headed into the direction of the Haven gates, less angry, probably. It was better than nothing.

Soon, Dorian needed to sort his own feelings, crossing through the place that didn't exist anymore, seeing people that never made it out of there. But even creepier were those that still lived. He had walked past Fade-Cullen and he had greeted him. Shuddering, he kept close to Solas when they went up the stairs, about to pass Fade-Varric. “I never thought I'd prefer formless wisps pulling at my hair.” The elf gave him a more sympathetic look. “Then perhaps the images were not a good idea.” Before Dorian could answer, Fade-Varric interrupted them: “Sparkler? Chuckles? You two together? That's a rare sight. What are you up to?” His voice sounded strangely far away. Otherwise it was a flawless depiction of their favourite storyteller. The two exchanged glances. Solas seemed to let the Tevinter sort it out. “Ah, you know, just the usual mischief”, he quipped at the fade-dwarf as if he was real. “Two mages plotting can't go well.” Not-Varric regarded them with a very convincing smirk. “Don't let Cassandra catch you.” “Noted. We'd rather keep our pretty heads on our necks.”

Moving on, Solas was annoyingly quiet. Dorian continued their conversation: “Is this what the fade feels like to you? How you watch forgotten memories? They play out in front of your eyes like this?” “They are not always this clear. Old memories blur over time. Even spirits that embodied strong emotions forget their meaning. I once found an ancient spirit who had been undisputed king of almost every land I had discovered. Like pride or rage, it was the fade’s reflection of a feeling. When I asked which one it was, the spirit faltered. 'They’ve forgotten,' said the spirit. 'There remains no word for what I was.'” “So, the fade doesn't sustain all memories forever. It's changing.” “As a part of our world, it changes with us.” Solas made it sound as natural as the tide. “Fascinating.”

Solas opened the door to the tavern to let him in. “Very kind of you”, Dorian said as he strutted in, already smelling the waft of stew, bread, ale, sweat, tears and blood this tavern always held. There wasn't much going on in the morning, and still it pulled at Dorian's senses. A group of villagers played cards, talking over each other, their voices echoing unnaturally. Sera slept in a corner with her head on the table, snoring like she always did. The bard sang quietly. In reality this would be a peaceful scene, but here, Dorian's ears fought the cacophony of distorted sounds. “Are you alright?”, Solas brought him back. Dorian wiped his eyes. “This is...obviously more than handling a few wisps. Give me a moment.”

Suddenly he felt Solas' fingers curl around his arm and his skin rejoiced at that. Finally something that felt real. Yes, that was the reason. The dreamer guided him to the bar while he still blinked against the images. A wide, sparsely landscape had been alright, but this narrow space with people and things so close overwhelmed him. And everything shifted. He needed to stare at something to make it stop and he noticed that in the corner of his eyes the images flew, free from his grasp. This might be the first time he'd puke in a bar without having drunk anything.

“Good morning, Flissa”, Solas then greeted the image. “Morning, you two”, he heard Fade-Flissa answer. “What's with him? Hangover? I'd have a recipe, but I'm sure Adan can help you better.” “No, no, don't worry about me.” Dorian waved his hand in the air. “It's the...uh...the allergies.” “Allergies?” “Yes. Best treated with alcohol. So, please, do your thing, would you?” There was a pause. Between blinking, Dorian noticed Fade-Flissa exchange glances with Solas, who shrugged. A few moments later, they finally had their drinks. Dorian sniffed at it. “Oh, it's that holy Chantry ale that tastes like nothing already in the waking world..What was the name...?” “Semibrew.” “Yes. Semi indeed, at best.” “Are you here to drink or to complain?”

The answer never left Dorian's lips, instead he closed his eyes and massaged his temples. The stimuli in this realm weren't kind to him. “Dorian?”, Solas reminded him that he was still with him, caring. “How about both?”, he answered, trying a smile. The elf shook his head. “Remember, you can end the session any time you like”, he suddenly said so smoothly, it wrapped the chaos into a warm blanket. “You do not have to do this.” Dorian grabbed Solas' sleeve. “Let's go outside. I need to breathe.” They went, and Dorian kept the mug pressed against his chest, trying not to drop it. Outside, he collapsed on a barrel behind the tavern, where no fade-people could bother him. Solas helped him sit upright and Dorian couldn't decide if he should be embarrassed or entranced. He was too busy taking breaths of fade-air. It was cool, but didn't burn in his lungs and satisfied him just as much. Then, when he could keep his eyes open again, he took a sip.

The taste caught him off guard. And disappointed him in a way he hadn't dared to expect. It was just... the boring, tasteless, somewhat sweet ale of Haven. He could swear it felt funny on his tongue, but couldn't figure why. When he looked up to the dreamer, he found him already with his nose deep in his mug. “Do you...enjoy this stuff?”, Dorian blurted out. “I have tasted worse”, was the pragmatic answer. And truly, as an apostate hermit...Dorian didn't want to imagine the culinary crimes he experienced. “Point taken.” Solas watched him then, like an enigma unfolding in front of his eyes. Dorian felt like he needed to say something. “This is...surprisingly unsurprising.” He lifted his drink. “It's exactly what you described.” “What did you expect?” “Honestly? I thought it would overwhelm my senses like the tavern does. I imagined the most entertaining scenarios, you know. Me fainting, crying for help, falling into your arms...Instead, nothing.” “It seems that my word has more weight than your hopes for entertainment.” “In this realm, at least.”

Solas dipped his head. The way his features tensed told Dorian that he had said something incredibly wrong again. “No. Dorian, what did I tell you about the fade?” “Solas, please, you have to be more specific than that!” But Solas remained quiet. “Come, now! You can't make me repeat everything you said in the last three days!” The elf just drank, unbothered by the Tevinter's despair. “Festis bei umo canavarum!” That just gave the dreamer a smirk he quickly hid behind the mug. Dorian, for the lack of other options, just drank as well.

Solas, not having to steady a dizzy Tevinter any longer, settled into a pose that was insufferably smug, leaning against the back of the tavern, legs crossing in a way that tilted his hips enough to show off the tight leggings. How was a man supposed to gather his thoughts like that? And Dorian could swear Solas knew.

With a swift movement, he joined the elf at the wall, placing a hand close to the pointed ears. Solas didn't flinch. “Found an answer?”, he asked, looking up from lowered eyelids, tone challenging. Dorian silenced. He felt their closeness that made his blood pound through his veins and for the first time, he wallowed in it. Solas was right before him. He was real. His enticing form didn't change or flicker under his gaze and his voice had the fullness of a real thing. Although their bodies were both manifestations of their dreaming minds, he felt the difference. Among the images, they were alone, sharing this intimate moment hidden from other eyes. For a glimpse, Dorian thought to see the hardened look in the other man's eyes change. Opening up to show the soul inside. Or it was just his imagination going wild, because Solas then pushed himself off the wall and brought distance between them.

“Really, Dorian?” He sounded frustrated. “Are you even trying?” “I am! Trust me! But I'm at a loss”, the Tevinter reluctantly went back to the point. Solas looked up to the sky and almost rolled his eyes before he pressed out: “Expectations is the keyword.” Eventually, the scales fell from his eyes. “Are you serious? You mean, if I expected this to taste like Agreggio Pavali, out of a dirty mug, nonetheless, I would've actually had a good drink?” The dreamer just eyed him then emptied his own drink. “What did you have?” Suddenly a million possibilities popped up in his mind. Solas put the empty mug on a barrel. “You still have much to learn. But I acknowledge this: you give my words credit.”

“But it can't be so simple, Solas. The fade isn't a wishing well that hands you exactly want you want all the time. Otherwise, it would be a paradise and we would all rather live in the fade.” “You never heard that having all your wishes fulfilled would be a curse?” A shade of a smile flashed over his features. “Yes, but that's only a word play in comparison to what we'd actually deal with.” “It is not as simple as fulfilling your wishes. You are not the only one forming this world. But you need to understand your own influence, for better or worse. You have power here.” Dorian remembered the wisp and saw why Solas would point this out. “I thought that only mattered for...” Solas waited for his answer. “The living.”

“You influence the fade in its entirety”, the dreamer said, but he sounded softer now. “Ah”, was all Dorian could say. “As for opposing powers: in this realm, that would be me”, Solas went on, giving him a faint lopsided smile. “Do you think I would deny you a drink you enjoy?” “Hmm.” Dorian lifted an eyebrow. “I can actually imagine you pleasing your mean streak.” Solas straightened himself and folded his arms behind his back, as if to emphasize his innocence. Dorian didn't have it. “Playing with a spoiled Tevinter?”, he slowly went on, pretending to ponder. “I can see that in my mind's eye.” “Careful”, the elf said and tilted his head, “with your expectations.” Dorian dared to step closer. Solas didn't move this time, not even when he leaned in to whisper into the offered ear: “I'm not saying I wouldn't like it, to a degree.” The pointed tip twitched. Dorian showed his teeth as the thing in his chest rejoiced.

Then Solas quickly broke the connection. “Either way, keep this in mind, Dorian”, he stated, walking away. “You are less of a visitor in the fade than a resident and every act, considerate or not, has consequences.” The Tevinter watched him leave, catching his breath. Perhaps it had been the right moment to warn him, but the loss still hurt. “I understand I exhausted your mind tonight”, the dreamer went on, much sadder now. “I have underestimated the influence of Haven's memories and for that, I am sorry.” “No harm done, Solas”, Dorian hurried to ensure him. “I find all of this rather exciting. And worthwhile. You should give lessons in the Circle.” The elf smiled sadly. “I rather not set foot into one. I might never get to leave.” “Because everyone would adore you so much.” Solas turned his head, annoyed or flattered, Dorian couldn't tell. He liked to imagine the latter.

“Your mind needs rest now,” he stubbornly stuck to the point. “Ah, but I'm not tired at all”, Dorian countered, not willing to give up. “You fail to remember your lessons and you usually don't have a bad memory”, Solas stung his ego. “Hey, that's unfair! You just caught me off-guard, right after the tavern. I'll do better, now that I'm warned.” “You would better spare yourself the shame and safe your energy for the march tomorrow.” Solas had no mercy. “I see, there's not way reasoning with you. That's a shame already. Who knows when you'll ever see me like this again.” He played with the hems of his precious robe. “The fade will keep this memory for a while”, the elf offered without blinking an eye. “Oh? It did leave a strong impression then?” “An impression, yes.” Dorian stared into Solas' eyes, not hoping to break the border but to leave a mark there. “There's your mean streak.”

Violet eyes turned away once more. “Rest well, Dorian.” His voice was honey on cream. “See you tomorrow.” The elf nodded, then the scene dissolved. Dorian didn't know how long he slept until he woke up.

During the day, Solas found his way back to Dorian Pavus, without giving it much of a thought. The Tevinter didn't mind it either and gladly began to ask questions about the fade.

They hadn't gone a long way until they spotted Blackwall among a crowd, apparently telling them a story that involved a lot of wide hand gestures and imitations of beastly growls. Solas had to smile at this, assuming he was adding more spectacular details to the memories since a lot of them had been too blurry for his taste.

"Didn't take him for a storyteller", Dorian commented on the commotion. "I thought that was Varric's job." "Grey Wardens tell their own stories", Solas said in his mysterious way that made Dorian wonder if there was more to it. "And Varric isn't here to take the place. Strange, I thought he'd be exploiting our skirmish to no end, but he's oddly quiet." At Solas' worried look, he added: "Likely because he's still writing. So, the attack might yet come." But Solas wasn't convinced.

He found Varric during a break, bending over scrolls and papers he spread over a barrel. He looked indeed occupied. Solas neared carefully. "Master Tethras", he began as if addressing a noble. He knew that it would tease the dwarf, who looked down at titles. "Chuckles," Varric said barely lifting his head. When he realized Solas wasn't just passing by, he asked: "Need something?" "You know I have taken on the role of a healer, for a lack of personnel", Solas explained himself. "Among other things." Varric eyed him sceptically. "What? I'm not a healer." "We have not seen each other since..." "Uh..." Varric regarded his notes as if the answer was written there. "...yeah."

Solas took a breath. "Are you alright, Varric?" The dwarf chuckled, but stiffly. "That's it? You creep up behind me to ask if I'm okay? You're something else Chuckles." Solas' mouth narrowed. "Now, don't frown. I'm just joking. You see I'm snug as a nug." He put his arms behind his head and grinned. "I would prefer to confirm that myself." "What? Wanna fuss over me like a nanny? You see I'm fine!" Calmer and with a wink, he added: "Missed me, huh?" Solas awkwardly shifted. "I must admit I wish I visited you sooner." "Aw, stop it. You didn't miss anything anyway. But come by when we're in that new base. I see a new bottle of Koslun's Tears coming." "I understand. My punishment is already on the way. I will endure it with grace." Varric clicked his tongue. "Lowbrow." Then he focused back on his writing.

"You would not hide any injuries, Master Tethras? That would be unwise." "You kidding me? I've seen what we're up against. I'm not turning myself into dragon fodder." Solas nodded, then silence followed. He figured he was dismissed. Judging by the dwarf's behaviour he knew that there was something bothering him. At least not an injury. "Maker's balls, Chuckles! I'm not a damsel in distress! Go help someone who needs it!" Solas winced at the outburst, then he left.

In the late afternoon, the shape of a mighty fortress appeared between the mountains. Voices rang out in the camp. The Herald hurried through the admirers, her advisors and friends behind her. At the top of a hill, she stopped to marvel at the sight. "It's here, and it's still standing", she gasped. Cullen next to her snorted in disbelief. "I guess I owe Solas an apology." "That can be done right away", Dorian said, popping up behind him. He turned around: "Solas, our Knight Commander likes to tell you something." He bravely faced the glare of said commander, probably because it was accompanied by a deeply pink blush.

Solas walked up to Cullen, face all innocent. "I'm sorry", the former templar said after clearing his throat. "I didn't think it was possible." "You apology is accepted." "I hope it looks as good in the inside, though." "I appreciate you favour inner values, Commander." Cullen gave him a confused look. Leliana laughed first, then Josephine giggled and everyone had a good time."You were right", Ellana told Solas when he joined her, a trace of sadness in her tone. "It doesn't look elven." Solas suppressed the notion that she wouldn't recognize an Elvhen monument if she saw one. "What remains is the name", he said instead, looking at it fondly. "Skyhold."

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dragon age fanfiction #solas/dorian #dragon age solas #dragon age dorian #maker preserve #rarepair solas #dragon age varric #ellana lavellan #dragon age cullen

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editorialsonlife · 4 months ago

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So I've officially been unemployed for a month now, and I only just feel like I'm finally catching up on sleep and starting to feel vaguely human again.

We were in Melbourne last week and it was bloody delightful, but the week before that I went to the doctor because I was actually just so wiped out and he was like, not to be OTT about it or anything but this is burnout and you're in it basically. So thanks for that! All the blood tests came back ok though which is excellent news but also rude because a pill for low iron would be much more convenient than simply you need to rest for several months to get yourself back on track which is rude but anyway. I've dropped from 10 hours of sleep a night to 9 so I guess that's something? No longer feeling compelled to have an afternoon nap every day so that's helpful.

Melbourne was great, as it always is. We clocked up about 15kms a day of walking which was really good, and a nice reminder for this old overweight body that it can actually move and do things again. Ate a lot of delicious food, did some good shopping, caught up with family, and got to hang out together and buy some things for the new house as well which I guess really isn't so new anymore?

Had my first PT session today which was enjoyable? I think we're on the same page. I just need to relearn how to move in a body that's significantly heavier and less mobile than it used to be, and she was like, what do you even enjoy doing? How can we make this fun for you so you actually want to be here? which was a very refreshing perspective and she was like, let's just try some things and see what feels good and go from there? what a novelty. It's nice not to feel totally intimidated at the gym, and she's given me a cheap pack of PT sessions since I'm currently unemployed so winning for that.

Mum got an all cash offer with no conditions for her house so yay for that. She's moving on 13 December which will be nice to get her out of that house. finally.

Still haven't thought about a job or what comes next career wise but I also can't be bothered to stress about it? I've got enough savings to get me through til March so that's a good time. Happy with it in general.

Rest, exercise, good food and some creative fun stuff is on the cards and I'm happy for it.

Big yawn, need to cook dinner and go to bed!

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joedaytoday · 1 year ago

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MLK Weekend 2024

Saturday, January 13, 2024

MLK weekend is here. Enjoying not having anyplace to be but home. It's cold and there's a light coating of snow on the ground. Dale and I are lounging on the couch and Sylvester is on Dale's lap. It's very cozy in here. We're contemplating shoveling the snow but we're not moving too fast to make that happen.

Later...

It's cold. Dale and I just got in from shoveling the little bit of snow that's on the ground. Glad we're not just south of us in Iowa which is also frigid but getting HAMMERED with snow.

For us it's notable because we've been way warmer than usual this season and we haven't had enough snow at any given time to shovel any more that what we got overnight. We've been spoiled but we're bracing ourselves. Who knows when but the monster snowstorm WILL come.

Even later...

I've come to regard MLK weekend as something of an extension of winter break. As a teacher I've always gotten a 2 week break around the holidays. Every other teacher I talk to says the two week mark is just when they feel they're starting to really relax. That's the case for me with summer break too. Anyway, the two weeks I've been back in school have been productive albeit tiring. There's some good stuff going on at work but I'll just leave that there for now as I need to give myself a mental break from thinking and talking about my job.

I'm sitting down now with a Fresca and listening to Christmas with Ed Ames, one of my favorite Christmas albums from childhood. Hearing these songs brings me right back to the living room in the house on Stevens at Christmastime.

Later still...

We had Fran, Charlie, and Christine from Gethsemane over for dinner tonight and it was really delightful seeing all of them. Dale and I made a lasagna that went over very well. Fran brought over lychee martinis which she's been telling me about for a while. I loved 'em. They're one part lime rum, 1 part lemon run, 1 part vanilla rum, and 1 part lychee liqueur.

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daja-the-hypnokitten · 2 years ago

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Jukebox reviews part 42! For context, see my post “A Project” under this same tag. If you want to see a full list of his EMCSA stories, they can be found here, sorted alphabetically.And if you want to see some of his drabbles, check out his blog at @jukeboxemcsa

This Is You Throwing In the Towel