#anyways i always see goro akechi everywhere

[kingconia]

OMG HIHI so I saw some of your posts and I was like “OMG THIS IS SO GOOD??” So obviously I HAD TO MADE A REQUEST (ofc if it’s open‼️)

OKAY SOO I was wondering YK if you would be comfortable enough to make a Vil schoenheit x (gn or fem) Ace detective! Reader

(LIKEE.. Idk for example like let’s take Goro Akechi from persona 5 as a example, OR EVEN RANPO FROM BSD)

ANYWAY you have an AMAZING DAY, WONDERFUL WEEK AND AN AWESOME MONTH‼️

A/N: That was such a curious request! I had a lot of fun working on it, and I thank you dearly for all kind words. Also, I decided mostly to take Ranpo as an inspiration for the character—his belief that his superpower is the deduction fits the setting nicely.

VIL SCHOENHEIT AND GN!READER, WHO IS PROFESSIONAL DETECTIVE

— From the very childhood, you were a quite unique kid. You knew everything about everyone as you noticed the smallest details that others people would never see. And these observations helped you to make a logical conclusion about the person. You were too smart for your own good;

— Your family liked to teasingly call you Sherlock Holmes wannabe, but you knew it better: it was some kind of superpower. It had to be it;

— Others laughed, hearing about that. Until... You woke up in the world of mages, beastmen, and others creatures. And everything started to make more sense;

— When you declared to the headmaster that your unique magic is about being a perfect detective, he was suspicious at first. And so, you decided to prove him wrong;

— You did. Thanks to your powers, you were able to determine the strangeness in other students' attitude;

— You saw through Riddle in your first meeting with him. It took a three minutes to tell that he had problems with over-controlling mother. And so, mixed with your straightforwardness, you helped him not to overblot;

— The same thing happened with Leona. You cracked his plan in the right time, and prevented everything before it even started;

— Your personal favourite case was Scarabia's one. You caught Jamil so quickly—mostly, because he acted too hot-headedly, living evidences everywhere, but it was his motive that flared up your interest;

— As you stopped students from overblotting easily, diving deeper in their stories, excitement filled you even more;

— And so, Crowley unwillingly admitted that you, indeed, should have some powers to do what you do;

— When you were assigned to help with the VDC, you found out the next possible victim of the overblot in a few seconds—Vil Schoenheit himself! And not only that, but you even managed to figure out the little secret of his vice;

— However, you took some time to catch him red-handed on something, to trigger the conversation. That happened when he wanted to poison his rival;

— Vil was devastated by your involvement. But, to his surprise, you chose to speak with him about it privately;

— He didn't overblot. Instead, he broke down in front of you, in the empty dressing room;

— After that, Vil started to respect you even more than. before. If earlier, he thought highly to you because of your merits, now, he also was aware of his respectful you treating people, choosing to talk with them and help.

— He became your friend, eventually;

— Running around, solving mysteries, and doing gods know what, you forgot about a lot of things—drinking water, eating your meals, taking care of your appearance. And so, Vil always looked after you, offering his help in shy attempts to spend some time with you;

— However, there was one thing that he couldn't quite understand about you...

•

”Urgh, give me a week, and I will finish with Ignihyde as well,” you muttered, frowning, while Vil was combing through your wet hair. ”With all of my work, I can't understand how this stupid mirror can't already sort me in some dorm. At this point, I will be fine even with Savannaclaw.”

The thing was... Mirror continued insisting that you held no magical powers to your name.

And the more Vil spent time around you, he started to agree with that—you were human. Human without any powers.

What you think was your unique magic was just your brain. You were smart, you were ridiculously unbeatable in that, surely, you knew it yourself. Then, why you had this urge to think that it was magic and not you, who made everything better?

”Y/n?”

”Hm?”

”Why do you want to have magical power so badly?”

Vil could easily assume that it was because you stuck there, with them, in the place, where everyone had magic. Anyone on your place could have felt inferior about that. But the thing was, you thought, this magic was with you since you were little.

”I don't,” you protested instantly. ”I just have it—and that's the fact.”

”Even in our world, there a lot of people without magic,” he added. ”My father, for example. And—”

”...You don't believe that I am a mage?” You cut through his words sharply.

He couldn't see your face from where he was standing, but he could tell you sounded upset. Vil had no intentions to hurt you, but... He had no reason to lie to you, either. He liked to be honest with people he loved, and he loved you, truly.

”I think, you are the smartest person I had ever know,” he hummed, carefully choosing his next words. ”But that has nothing to do with magic.”

You were silent for a while, and he stopped stroking your hair.

”...But I had to be special, Vil,” you whispered suddenly. ”If I am not, then... No one would pay attention to me anymore.”

Vil knew very little about your previous life.

Perhaps, you had neglectful parents, and it was your way to make them to look at you. Or, maybe, you had too many siblings to feel loved enough.

There were so many scenarios that could explain your arrogant belief, but Vil wasn't you—he couldn't tell people about their lives merely by glancing at them.

”Oh, dear,” he made a circle around you, stopping right in front of you. He took your face in his hands carefully. ”But you are special. Just not in the way we are.”

”But—”

”In fact, I think, you are even more special than we,” Vil squished your cheeks together, so you could stay silent for a while. ”Because our magic could be taken away, and what you have is something that cannot be stripped away.”

You looked down, chewing on your bottom lip nervously. Vil leaned closer, kissing you on the tip of your nose gently. It reddened instantly—exactly for this, he started calling you radish, instead of using a potato nickname—and he smiled.

”You are the most special person I had ever met,” he whispered, as if it was a secret to be shared carefully. ”And you are even more special to my heart. Please, remember that.”

You nodded weakly.

Vil didn't expect you to answer right away, either on his confession, or on the statement about the lack of magic in you. You spent too much time, persuading yourself that you were a mage. Kind words couldn't erase it so easily.

Yet, he knew that you heard him.

And for now, it was enough.

After all, both of you had enough time to figure everything out.

Together.

[camebackwrong-tournament]

ROUND TWO CBW BRACKET!

unfunny commentary down below!

aaaaand welcome to the official announcement of the winners for the first round of the came back wrong showdown! i'm your host, the admin, and i'm here to announce the wins and the overall results of the poll so far!

following much debate about whether or not dokja came back wrong or he came back the same because he was Always wrong, jason todd takes the first lead with a very funny margin! congratulations to everyone who voted jason!

now, our next poll caused quite the stir everywhere, we've seen decent amounts of propaganda from both sides of rosamund and buffy supporters — but in the end, buffy came out victorious alongside the loud cheers and shouts of over a thousand votes in the whole poll!

and in a shocking turn of events, william wisp, the character with the second most submissions, fails to take the win against sydney sargent of camp here and there. that aside, we've heard that both franchises often land against each other in poll brackets, perhaps it's fate after all~

next up we have the character the host is totally not rooting for, mitsuba sousuke against leif from bug tales! [you know. as a person who has seen a bit of both franchises— Personal commentary is not allowed! Please disclose such information somewhere else, host!] anyway, with lots of propaganda from both sides, mitsuba comes out with the win for this one with 61.1% from an overall 627 votes!

now, here are two characters we've been told are the exact same person with only very minor differences. while we can swear putting them against one another was unintentional, shadow lands the funny number win against the macaque! congratulations!

and here is yet another stirring poll, with akane kurashiki and owen harper at each other's tails for supposedly the first few hours, akane steals the crown with a fair margin of 63.3% ! we congratulate all her supporters and wish owen luck in a possible reanimation round!

okay, we'll be honest. this one was... interesting. while link took an unfortunate loss against the prehistoric fauna, it's nice to see a margin that's closer than our usual. someone's already said it but they should really make link vs dinosaurs into the next game. anyway, congratulations, dinosaur truthers!

and here we have another funny little thing. frankenstein's monster, we repeat, the monster folks, wins against tsukasa yugi by a large ratio. while that in itself is hilarious, for those familiar with jshk as well as tsukasa's ties with mitsuba, who got a win, it's a bit funnier. or maybe that's just me

the following poll felt a bit quieter when it came to propaganda, but the results have come to light and gideon nav was pronounced the winner in round one! we wish everyone who voted well and for those who voted celica, i'd keep my eyes open for a possible reanimation round!

and again! with a small margin apart and an incredible amount of support, the battle between hikaru and rolan was neck in neck for quite some time (or so i'm told) — but following the polls' closing, hikaru emerges triumphant!

here we go with another 61/39 poll result! caleb wittebane of the owl house comes out on top in the poll overall, winning against suzie costello of torchwood from 657 votes!

im sorry for pointing out the funny number repeatedly, this is what it feels like to be inside my brain. anyway, with a 69.7% ratio, mollymauk tealeaf of critical role takes home the crown for the round against jack kennedy who i definitely did not mistake for the US president. congrats!

oh my~ the next poll yielded some outstanding results, with trisha elric emerging successfully against goro akechi! there's been calls for revival as well as claims on whether or not trisha qualifies, but the host maintains, congratulations and good luck to all 721 participating voters!

happy easter sunday to jennifer check and jennifer check specifically for winning against jesus christ on holy week in the died and came back wrong poll. are we going to have to explain this during the rapture though. christ alive (well. maybe not so much)

and here we have yet another win from a hedgehog! sorry. sonic is victorious against wei wuxian, even after much banter regarding when and how sonic died in the franchise. i swear i will remember to check the submissions later. anyway, congrats!

and on our last poll is danny the teenage ghost against kite the ... yeah. danny comes out with a win by 67%, though there still remains some argument on how danny's "death" actually works — his win is the real deal, so congratulations everyone!

and that concludes this segment, we hope you enjoyed because i literally made a bracket so i had an excuse to do things like these.

[tickly-trashcan]

Phantom Thieves Headcanons

oughh this started as brainworms over Yusuke and Makoto while I was playing earlier but i decided to just do the whole group because the brainrot is stronggg. I hope everyone enjoyssss

Akira Kurusu/Joker

okay first off idk what to call him for his real name LMAO so we’re going with Akira

He’s not crazy ticklish, but he can definitely get laughing pretty hard

His tickle spots are probably his sides, ribs, and underarms

He has a really cute laugh, it’s a bit higher than his regular voice but not by much

He wasn’t tickled much before transferring to Shujin, but after making friends with Ryuji he was often met with random tazes or tickles

Ryuji is his primary ler because Akira doesn’t really mind because they’re friends, even getting him back sometimes

Akira is a pretty good ler himself, though he doesn’t tickle people very often unless they intiate it

He had Ryuji nearly in tears one time after a prank though, and Ryuji has (sort of) learned his lesson

He’s also tickled Yusuke a couple of times, though he’s gotten him back plenty

I feel like after a little bit he and Akechi would also get into some tickle fights, Akira probably winning most of them

Morgana/Mona

it feels so odd adding Morgana to this but i figured i might as well just since he’s part of the group lmao

I feel like he’s not really that ticklish? but he does enjoy it

He loves like tummy tickles or tickles behind his ear, and even though he barely even chuckles (it’s more like purring) he really likes it

He only lets Ann do it though, anyone else is a no-go

Futaba tries constantly because she sees Ann doing it all the time but Morgana always hisses at her

She does get him every now and then, but Morgana isn’t a huge fan because Futaba can be a bit rough

Ryuji Sakamoto/Skull

Ryuji my baby *sobs*

He’s really ticklish because I said so and he has a really cute laugh because I said so

His laugh is really loud and frantic when he’s being tickled, and he giggles if you wiggle your fingers at him to threaten to tickle him

some of his tickle spots are his hips, knees, and tummy

Akira and Yusuke tickle him a lot, either because he’s being a dork or they just feel like it

When he was still on the sports team he got tickled by his teammates every now and then to help him destress but not anymore

Now if Ryuji’s feeling a bit antsy before a mission, all he needs is a few tickles to ease his nerves and he’s good to go

He loves to tickle Akira and Yusuke omg they probably get into tickle fights every now and then aaa

Ryuji loses ofc because he’s too ticklish for his own good and Yusuke and Akira can easily gang up on him

He tickled Ann once and got punched, so he doesn’t anymore lmao

so basically what I’m saying is he deserves a few tickles hehe

Ann Takamaki/Panther

okay kinda like Akira she’s not super ticklish but she has a few spots that have her laughing

She has literally such a pretty laugh omggg its like an angels laugh yaaas

she’s ticklish on her hips and under her arms

everywhere else she might giggle, but those spots she’ll definitely laugh, especially if you catch her by surprise

Ryuji’s tried to tickle her before, and that was just an epic fail so the only people that really tickle her now are Makoto and Futaba

Makoto doesn’t tickle her very often just because she’s very shy, but when Futaba comes out of her shell she’s definitely a huge tickle monster with Ann

Ann gets them back too! She’s more of a ler than anything so she’s good at tickling people

She can have Makoto and Futaba wheezing but she never really tickles any of the guys

She does occassionally poke Yusuke or Akira, but after Ryuji snuck up on her it’s a no go with tickles for Ryuji

Yusuke Kitagawa/Fox

YUSUKEEEEE

okay so since he’s one of my favorites he’s naturally really ticklish and that’s just how it works

His tickle spots are his ribs, tummy, and under his arms!

He doesn’t really like being tickled by people, but he doesn’t complain if it’s his friends

he has a pretty loud laugh, and it can be a bit squeaky if you get him in a bad spot

After he’s been tickled to bits the first thing he says is something like “That was embarrassing” because he just knows that he looks like a dork when he’s tickled lol

I meant that in a loving way, he’s a cute dork

Ryuji and Akira tickle him the most, and sometimes they even gang up on him which just has this poor boy absolutely reeling

Ann and Futaba also occasionally tickle him, and he can get a bit flustered when they tickle him

He doesn’t tickle others very much, buuut he does tickle Akira and Ryuji and occassionally gets into tickle fights with them!

He also might poke Ann or Futaba back a little if they poke him, but sometimes they full on tickle him if he does that and so he refrains most of the time

Makoto Niijima/Queen

Makoto my beloved

I feel like Makoto would actually really like being tickled! With both her parents being gone and her sister being busy most of the time she’s a little touch starved like me lol so when met with tickles she doesn’t mind at all

Her tickle spots are her tummy, ribs, and hips! But her neck and shoulders are also ticklish~

She’s never fully admitted to enjoying tickles, but it’s kind of obvious because of how she keeps her squirming to a minimum and only asks to stop when she really needs it

Ann and Futaba tease her about it sometimes and she gets really flustered and denies it, but they know

Haru is a bit nicer and gentle with her tickles, and Makoto is thankful for that but it’s still a bit embarrassing hehe

Haru was one of the people who very bluntly asked if she liked it, and Makoto did eventually admit to it but only to Haru

She’s also really flustered tickling others aaa she only ever pokes or very quickly scribbles up someones side, and even then, it’s only with the girls, Yusuke, and Akira

TLDR; absolute lee and absolutely deserves the tickles she wants

Futaba Sakura/Oracle

AN ABSOLUTE BABY she’s so sweet i cry

She’s veeery ticklish, but she’s not really used to being tickled

She can get overwhelmed easily with tickling, but the group knows when to stop with her when they tickle her

Akira, Haru, Ann and Yusuke are the ones who tickle her most often, though they do it in small intervals to make sure she’s completely comfortable

Her tickle spots are her tummy, hips, and knees

meanwhile, she’s a totally ruthless ler who loves to “torment” (her own words) her friends

They were hanging out in the cafe one time and Futaba just dug her hands under Ryuji’s arms (a constant victim of tickles from everyone it seems) and he just screeched

And he got yelled at by Sojiro which was probably Futaba’s plan in the first place

Futaba finds tickling as a way of pranking people, and she’s a huge prankster so she just loves to mess with her friends using tickles

so all in all, she’s the phantom thief to avoid when it comes to being tickled, she’ll wreck anyone that comes into her range

Haru Okumura/Noir

ahhh Haru she’s so cuteeee

I feel like she’s one of the wild cards, where she seems really sweet (and is!) but can be a pretty big ler when she wants

She’s ticklish, but mostly on her tummy, sides and waist

She has the SWEETEST giggles they’re super bubbly and a bit squeaky but so so cute

She loves to tickle the other Phantom Thieves too, especially Makoto!

She’s gentle with Makoto because she knows she likes it (sometimes she uses her nails which makes Makoto squeal) but with everyone else...

She just needs to wiggle her fingers at the other group members and they’re already giggling

She’s like infamous for her tickles, and after she got Ryuji that one time in front of everyone it was like,, they were fearful of her lol

Like not actually scared because they know she would never tickle them beyond their boundaries, she’s just so good that she can get all of them laughing really easily

She doesn’t really tickle anyone without a reason though, she’s nice about that

Goro Akechi/Crow

ahh i don’t know too much about him yet since I just got to the Palace where he becomes a Phantom Thief but I’ll do my best!

I feel like since he’s new to the group he’s not tickled as often, and because of his previous remarks to the Phantom Thieves there’s a bit of distrust

That said, when the group starts to trust him more he quickly becomes one of the tickle targets

I feel like he’s most ticklish on his ribs, sides, and hips!

Akira was probably the first person to tickle him, claiming it was “initiation”

After that Ryuji, Yusuke and Futaba poked him every now and then

Futaba and Akira ganged up on him once and the poor boy was a flustered, giggling mess by the time they were done with him

Yusuke and Ryuji mostly stick to poking him, but Ryuji’s gotten him pretty good a couple times

Akechi doesn’t really want to tickle the others because he doesn’t want them to be upset with him, but he does tickle Akira every now and then

They have yet to get into a serious tickle fight, but Akira would probably win anyway

Ahhh that’s all I have for right now! But prompts should be opening soon~ (probably after I get back from my trip hehe) so if anyone wants to send in any Persona related thing feel free! :D

[hirokiyuu]

19, your choice

tyyyy i went with. post p5 obligatory “wait akechi is alive somehow?” au wwww, please enjoy

---

“I loved you,” Goro says with a roll of his eyes, and finally forces himself to snatch the drink from Amamiya’s stupid fucking hands. “Past tense. As in, not currently. Moron.”

It’s meaner than Goro’s supposed to be with customers. Luckily the graveyard shift is always empty in this shithole and if Amamiya is even a fraction of the person he used to be he’s not going to tell. Stupid fucking goody-two-shoes. Goro’d had a knife practically pushed to his throat and Amamiya still’d been reaching out his hand. Idiot.

There’s radio silence from the other side of the counter. Naturally. Behind his mask Goro feels himself sneer. He punches the buttons on the register with a single vicious finger. “That’ll be 150 yen.”

When he looks up Amamiya looks worse than he did when he’d been stabbed. Goro raises a single eyebrow. “Dear customer,” he says, all syrupy sweet Detective Prince, “Do you need me to repeat the total?”

“I loved you too.”

It takes everything in Goro not to fling the stupid fucking bottle right at Amamiya’s fucking nose. Makes him wish Amamiya were still wearing those stupid glasses, so the plastic would shatter against his skin. He can still remember, faintly, how angry he’d been to learn those weren’t real -- another layer of artifice on a boy he’d never understand and wanted anyway. Amamiya’s looking right at him, too-intense under fluorescent conbini lights, and Goro’s sneer only grows. “Did you decide this before or after you learned I was planning to shoot you in the head?”

There’s a strange pause as Amamiya stares, still looking gutted, and then all at once he breathes out a laugh and the tension seems to leak out with the noise. “After,” he says, very dry, and reaches up to curl a little bit of hair around his finger. “On the ship, actually.”

“On the --” The drink slips from Goro’s hands; he manages the save but only barely, and when he looks up he can tell from Amamiya’s expression it wasn’t missed. Naturally. “You’re so fucking stupid.”

Amamiya doesn’t say anything to that, just sort of smiles a little. It’s a very tired kind of expression, one that Goro’d never seen on his face back then. And intellectually Goro had known, of course, that Amamiya must’ve changed after Tokyo, it’s still odd to see it in person. 

But he’s not the only one that’s changed.

Goro rolls his eyes, huffs out a sigh, reaches for the tape to mark the bottle as sold. The ripping sound seems to jerk something in Amamiya too, who starts digging through his wallet before dropping a bill on the tray. 100,000 yen. “Really?” Goro says, flatly, and Amamiya gives him a terrible annoying little grin as Goro goes to make change.

He counts the bills out like standard and pretends that it isn’t Amamiya Ren he’s standing across from. It’s easier than he expected. Loved, past tense. And Goro still wakes up dreaming of -- of all those terrible years, too many nightmares to count, but right here and right now it strikes him how long it’s been since they’ve seen each other. Years. Years and years between them, until they could stand together in a convenience store in the outskirts of Tokyo and count change and breathe. Exist.

“Hey,” Amamiya says, as Goro deposits the bills into his hand. He’s twisted his head a little, bangs pushed back, and again Goro is struck by the passage of time. “What I asked when I first came in.”

What are you doing here?

Where the hell have you been?

Didn’t you ever want to come back--

“Which part?” Goro says, rolling his eyes as the receipt prints. “You really turned into a chatterbox since then, haven’t you.”

The insult slides off Amamiya like water off a duck’s back, naturally. He’s got a hand on the drink but he’s rolling the bottom of it around on the counter, loitering. “Did you ever... want to come back?”

“Do you want your receipt?” Goro says, and crinkles his eyes in the facsimile of a smile. “Dear customer.”

Amamiya’s lips part, and for a moment he looks like he’s about to say something -- but whatever it is stalls behind his lips, and instead he smiles again, that same tired smile as before. “Nah,” he says, and picks the drink up properly. “But I might stop back here tomorrow, or something.”

“Our doors are open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week!” Goro says. And then, because he’s a moron, “I’ll see you then.”

For a moment they’re standing under bright studio lights, in a stuffy classroom with all the Thieves around them, in the bowels of a ship reeking of blood. Anywhere, everywhere. Goro watches Amamiya, and Amamiya watches him, and they breathe. And then Amamiya gives him a little nod, and trails quietly out the door.

Goro watches him go, thinks about how strange it was to be the one on this side of the counter, how strange it was to have Amamiya seeking him out. How strange it is that Amamiya’s seen his true face and not looked away. How utterly strange that Goro had loved this person, and that this person had, apparently, loved him too. How strange. How strange.

The door opens again; Goro straightens up and calls out a greeting to the drunken businessman who stumbles through. Regardless. For tonight he has to finish his shift before he can head back to his apartment. And then it’s sleep, study a little, come back here. To a place Amamiya will be too. A place where they’ll be alive, again, together.

Now who’s the moron, Goro thinks. For some reason, under his mask, he’s started to smile.

[personas-against-antis]

My experience with anti-ism and back

Inspired by @huntypastellance's interviews with ex-antis, I decided to post my own story of how I became an anti and how I got out.

My inbox and messages are open in case anyone has any questions or wants to say anything.

Apologies for any typos, my typing is not the greatest.

Names have been changed to protect my friends’ privacy and to prevent certain antis mentioned from coming after me again.

Where It All Started

So back in middle school I fell in love with an anime called Hetalia, about the interactions between anthropomorphized versions of various countries. I had been in fandom for a while (my first big fandom was Sonic, but that was before antis went mainstream), and I was a pretty big follower of "don't like, don't read/look". When I joined, I immediately latched on to the ship AmeCan, or America/Canada.

They were cute and it was my OTP for a long time. The only problem with AmeCan is that, by a large majority of the fandom, America and Canada were considered brothers. I personally didn't see them that way, I saw them as adopted brothers at most, and I was always pretty squicked out by shippy fanfics that depicted them as biological brothers. The ship itself was still pretty big in that fandom, so I ignored the haters and immersed myself in fanart and fanfic.

I met a girl at my school (let's call her Duchess) who also liked Hetalia and we quickly hit it off. We soon asked what each other's OTPs were.

Me: Oh, I ship AmeCan.

Duchess: ...

Me: What is it?

Duchess: You realize they're brothers, right?

Me: Oh, I don't see them that way because [insert reasoning that I don't want to have to explain to non-Hetalians, just know that I explained that I didn't see them as brothers.]

Duchess: But it's canon. They canonly see each other as brothers.

Me: Oh...

In hindsight, I probably should have asked what she meant by “it’s canon”. Either way, I began to drift away from AmeCan due to lack of interest, and towards other ships (Romerica and AmeBela), and then to other fandoms. She still remained one of my closest friends.

Down The Rabbit Hole

I began to get really into kawaii culture and browsed the tags pretty regularly. Over time, I came across CG/L content. It squicked me out at first, but due to some sort of bile fascination, I began browsing CG/L blogs and began learning about that subculture. I actually enjoyed it quite a lot, but I knew that it would be inappropriate for someone my age (around 13-14 years old) to participate in kink, so I kept my distance and admired it from afar.

Soon, Duchess brought it up at lunch.

Duchess: I really hate seeing DDGL stuff everywhere.

Me: Haha, yeah...

Duchess: I mean, It's practically pedophilia!

Me: Mhm...

That's what I had thought at first too, before researching it. But she kept talking about it.

Duchess: They're sexualizing children, and children's toys! It's so gross! I actually made a blog against it.

Me: Whoa, really?

Duchess showed me her anti-CGL blog and I quickly followed it because she was my friend, and slowly began to follow other anti-DDLG blogs as well, even making my own: rise-against-ddlg. I took it down due to lack of interest, but antis had already grown on tumblr, and I was torn between my "don't like, don't look" policy, and wanting to "help" survivors. So outwardly, I became an anti, while guiltily reading "problematic" fic and playing "problematic" games in secret.

One such problematic game was Yandere Simulator, and I began to browse those tags too, when I discovered another anti blog, this time against Yandere Simulator and Alex Mahan, a.k.a. Yandere Dev. I learned he was fairly homophobic, sexist, and transphobic, especially in his own private chatroom, and began to idolize that anti blog. Suddenly, they released an invitation to a Skype group chat. Eager to meet my heroes, I quickly applied and was approved.

The Group Chat Incident

I loved that chat. It started with 15 people, but slowly trickled down to nine, including myself. I found myself isolating myself away from my real life friends and family, too focused on the group chat, as they made dropping out of high school and staying online all day sound cool. I kissed up to them, desperate to be seen as a good person. But, soon, I began to question myself and the group. The mods were very against "problematic" content, like Killing Stalking, and NSFW depictions of minors, but were also quick to draw NSFW of minors (specifically Budo and Senpai from YS). I introduced them tot he game Boyfriend To Death, and one of them quickly latched on to the character of Rire, who brutally rapes the protagonist in game, despite them being against rape. The main mod even introduced the group to a game called Artificial Academy 2, in which you can rape others and be raped.

...There was a lot of rape and NSFW in that chat.

But, there was also a hierachy. At the top were the two main mods of that YS blog, Mod H and Mod J. Joining them at the top was a very cool person and a good artist who acted very much like an older sibling to all of us, Member M. Then, there were three more people who tended to kiss Mod H, Mod J, and Member M's asses, and at the bottom was me, my friend Foam, and Member C. Mod H was the ruler of that chat. Anything they said, went, and if you disagreed, they'd suddenly play victim, manipulating and gaslighting you into apologizing. They loved Dragon Age, and now that game has been forever tainted for me, considering how much they shoved it down my throat. They would also tease me and my interest in Persona 5 (saying that the protagonist looked like The Onceler, subsequently calling me a "Onceler Fucker" for finding him attractive, along with making fun of when my tongue slipped and pronounced "Goro" as "Gort"), only stopping when I had Foam address the group to tell them to stop. There was a livestream that I was really excited for, talking about it since it was announced and they seemed hyped for me as well. Only when I placed a rabb.it link in the chat so we could all watch, only Member C showed up. When I returned to that chat, they were watching Yuri On Ice, and they wouldn't even let me talk about my livestream.

During that time period, I created a group chat for me, Foam, and another internet friend I will call Emilia. I though Foam and Emilia would get along really well, so i formed a Skype chat with them, and allowed them to talk. Slowly though, me and Foam began to use that chat to bitch about the group chat behind their backs, because we were terrified of the backlash if we tried to criticize them to their faces, due to Mod H's tactics of avoiding conflict. We soon added Member C to the chat as well, after they were constantly getting dogpiled by the rest of the chat.

That December, the Bode meme was in full swing and Foam mentioned in the group chat that he didn't get it. The group chat immediately began to make fun of him and I, sick of letting them control our lives, stood up for him. The group chat just continued to dogpile and we continued to try and fight until Mod H eventually left the chat, in one of their methods to get us to apologize to them. I was feeling overwhelmed and also left, and Foam tried to surrender and tell the chat to stop, but they wouldn't let up and he left too. Member C was the only member we remained on good terms with who was still in the group chat.

I made a post on my blog saying that i didn't want to interact with those people anymore and they got mad and began to try and message me. I eventually messaged an official statement, citing their abuse of me and Foam, and blocked all of them across social media.

They created a fake blog to get around the block, and I was dumb enough to fall for it.

Member C even turned on us, revealing me and Foam's messages with her and claiming we were abusing and bullying them. Suffice to say, I cut off all contact with Member C and changed my main blog's URL.

I was harassed and stalked and I carried that fear of them looking at my blog for a long time. I still worry about it sometimes.

The worst part, in my opinion, was that I changed my own name that I had chosen for myself because it had become a trigger for me hearing them say it so many times. And I really, really loved that name.

There was so much hypocrisy, so much fear in that chat. Now, looking back, I wished I had never joined, but in those months after I left...I felt empty inside. Aimless.

Out of curiosity, I looked up cult behaviors, and that chat hit nearly every single one. It's scary looking back on it. Even writing this, over a year after I left, my heart hurts.

But even leaving a cultish group chat didn't knock me out of anti-ism.

Villain Ships and Past Revelations

Remember how I mentioned that I love Persona 5? Well, I ship a ship called ShuAke, which a very loud subset of people claim is abusive.

Spoilers for Persona 5 up ahead.

ShuAke is a ship between the protagonist (shujinko in Japanese, which is where the "shu" comes from) and Goro Akechi. I shipped ShuAke since before Goro's name was announced, when all we knew was his design. Goro turned out to be a detective hunting the Phantom Thieves, the protagonist's group. The cat and mouse aesthetic really suited my fancy, with the protagonist's thief alter ego, Joker, seducing the naive Detective Prince. Swoon.

Of course, the ship shattered when the game was released in Japan and it turns out Goro tried to kill the protagonist, was working for the bad guy, and betrayed the whole group.

I was shocked and essentially went through the five stages of grief. I was torn between abandoning the "abusive" ship and evil character...or ignoring the haters and shipping it anyway. After way too much debate, I chose the latter and stuck with it.

The anti-ism died down quickly due to a lot of the fandom hibernating until the English release, and I happily shipped ShuAke and supported Goro Akechi with little objection. Even when the game was released in English, I stood my ground and even argued in support of Goro with anons.

And yet, I still considered myself an anti.

Late May of last year, some repressed memories came to light. I had been sexually abused by a close family member and a few girls at camp when I was younger, with other fragmented and questionable memories in my brain. It put my past into light, as I had also had a self destructive habit of attempting to seduce older men online, due to low self esteem. That was not a fun week for me, and I found myself diving into dark fic, particularly rape fic, in order to make sense of it all. I even wrote some in an effort to just get it out of my brain.

And it worked. It was really therapeutic for me.

And yet...

I still considered myself an anti. Every word I read or wrote was mixed with guilt over what I was doing, even though it worked. While I'm still a sexual abuse survivor, as I always will be, I'm much more well-adjusted by participating in those dark activities, rather than wallowing in self pity and slipping into a depression, like my old group chat would have expected me to do.

I dropped anti-ism later, with the help of one blog.

Back to "DL,DR"

The blog @anti-anti-survivor was recommended to me, and anti!me, looking for a laugh, clicked on it...and soon found that pretty much everything they said made sense to me. I saw Mod h in the people they argued with, Member C in the people they called out...and I realized that I had never been an anti, just hiding behind that label.

I sent an anonymous message to them (though I guess it isn't so anonymous anymore, ha), thanking them for opening my mind to it, and created my own anti-anti blog. I realize I'm not very active on here, but, well, I'm lazy and I'm more of a reader than anything else.

And of course, there was another problem.

Antis are fucking everywhere.

I'm terrified of posting pro-shipping stuff on my main, and I'm terrified of admitting I like problematic ships. I'm in a Discord server that keeps spouting anti-kink and anti-ship stuff, and I have to keep my mouth shut or risk being banned, just because most of the time they're really nice. Duchess even messaged me one day, absolutely shocked that I admitted to shipping Shidge.

I'm happy now that I don't have to feel that guilt but, reading what antis do and then finding out that people I hang out with are antis...it's horrifying. I'm not a confrontational person. I never have been. But I'm sick of rolling over and accepting what everyone else deems is problematic fiction.

I'm mentally ill, a sexual abuse survivor, and dark fic and dark shipping helps me cope.

Deal with it.

[crystalnet]

Mystery Corner #3 The Shinji Ikari Detective Diary

As All-Hallow's Eve approaches rapidly, mystery and murder enthusiasts everywhere are getting extra revved up for this most sacred of seasons. If you happen to be of an Otaku persuasion, then your options for consumable media around this time include one of the many more gothic-tinged bodies of lore out there like D-Gray Man or Full Metal  Alchemist. Maybe Witch Hunter Robin. Or one of the more grizzly cases in Case Closed would suffice. Hey some people even claim Nightmare Before Christmas as anime, and who am I to argue.  But if your favorite series happens to be something like NGE-- a series that is certainly dark-as-fuck at times but couldn't quite be described as gothic or even all that spooky-- Have no fear, because that's why this double-volume mini-series exists-- for the sweet spot of a certain Venn diagram that tracks those who are NGE-heads versus those who crave all things Mystery, and if you are the overlap, then click right on through!

My interest in these NGE spin-off manga started back when I recently got re-obsessed with the anime and was consuming everything I could. The series after all only amounts to 26 measly episodes, a movie-length remix/recap, a minor masterpiece of a feature length, and three re-telling/remaster/re-animations films (which are controversial among deep fan circles). That might actually sound like a lot, but what I'm saying is that it might be easier to be obsessive about a Shonen, so that you don't have to worry about ever even being able to see all the episodes due to the sheer amount (Case Closed is my example of a series that feels Infinite due to its sheer size). It's kind of like some other big animes like Cowboy Bebop-- if you've seen all 26 episodes and watched the big movie, then what next?

Well the answer is the manga. For one thing, the series was adapted into manga by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, and it's excellent and offers a more in-depth look at certain characters and plot-lines which the anime's length didn't allow time for.  It spans 14 volumes and didn't wrap until 2010 and I highly recommend it, but if you aren't in the mood to retread the same story-line once again (especially if you just watched the Rebuilds..) then you still have options. Enter the spin-off manga. It's a weird breed of manga that only seemingly exists only for this franchise. I am probably wrong, but at least as far as selections of manga at American retailers go, I've never to my knowledge seen another series spawn multiple spin-off manga series. 

First of all, the biggest one is the Shinji Ikari Raising Project manga. This is the lowest-brow of all of them and is outright soft-core porn. I could see picking up one issue maybe, but it's literally just a light-hearted romp through what I would describe as a slice-of-life version of the NGE universe. The focus here, instead of on angels and psychological meltdowns, is the camaraderie, and sexual energy between Shinji and his various classmates. Read this only if you're really into this thing and have an anthropological interest. 

Next is the Campus Apocalypse series. This one was serialized into four volumes and an Omnibus, all put out by Dark Horse (most of these are, I assume they sense there is a market, and that's why these are even released here). Written by a certain Mingming, this one is much more serious in tone than SIRP, and focuses on transforming the lore from one centering around mechs and aliens to one that centers around demon-slaying teenagers and powerful visitors from another world. It has a gothic feeling, and so it'd fit in well around this time of year in addition to the one I'll be focusing on. 

(Legend of Piko Piko is just the latest odd-ball spin-off put out by Dark Horse...)

Besides these, there is the Comic Tribute edition put out by Dark Horse, a collection of NGE satire and the similar light-hearted volume written by a Tony Takezaki. The latest series being released is the Legend of Piko Piko Middle School (two volumes)-- a version of the lore in which the young pilots must hone their skills using video games. And then there is the Detective Diary series. So why so much of this stuff exactly? Well like I said, if you find yourself going down an NGE rabbit hole, then this kind of stuff can be irresistible despite better judgement, and clearly Dark Horse is aware of that. I'm personally grateful for these editions though, despite the fact that a lof of this stuff amounts to fan-fiction that happens to be fully illustrated with often-times lovely artwork. While I recommend the mainline manga series the most, I can also say that both Campus Apocalypse and the Detective Diary are solid, if insubstantial. Detective Diary's tone is somewhere between the seriousness of Campus Apocalypse and light-hearted tone of the comedic and overtly sexual manga series previously mentioned, which puts it squarely in breezy but not-devoid-of-narrative territory. Basically, this version of the universe involves Shinji coming to work for a detective agency run by Kaji, who he starts living with in order to pay off a debt. Instead of mechs, the eva are revealed to be spirit/djinn-type figures who can be summoned by the characters a la Shaman King. 

In the two volumes that make up the series, Shinji interacts most heavily with Kaworu, and the specific kind of yaoi-type energy between them is played up very heavily, so that this almost functions as the coded, gay version of the Raising Project manga. It never goes that far though, and the students are mostly busy solving low-stakes mysteries, none of which get nearly as involved or complex as something in say Case Closed. 

It's still a relatively fun--if light and low-calorie-- read though. I wish that this was on-going, and that they really honed in on what an NGE detective series could be, because if it had mysteries that were as satisfying as Case Closed, that'd be something I'd be willing to come back to again and again. As it is, this is low-ambition enough to go through once and that's about it. I was left wanting it to have been even just slightly more serious, and wouldn't have minded if it was a little closer to Campus Apocalypse, but I can't complain. 

This is one of the more satisfying re-imaginings of the NGE lore, and while I'd rank it third-place overall (behind the mainline manga and Campus Apocalypse), I can't deny that I got a kick out of seeing Shinji, Kaworu, Rei and Asuka and the rest of the gang (Toji and Kensuke are here too) in a more light-hearted setting, and it's fun to see what all the evas look like when rendered as humanoid spirit-beings. If you're just a mystery-fan and not so much a hardcore NGE-head, then I'd stay away from this, but if you like NGE too much and also sort of like detective/mystery-type narratives, then this is a fun distraction. 

Anyway, next week we'll be talking about my favorite historical fiction/mystery series but for now, I hope everyone has a great week on this most spooky of weeks, and as for our spotlight detective this week, it's going to none other than Inspector Zenigata of Lupin the Third fame!  Zenigata-kun has always made an excellent cat to Lupin's mouse (or is he the mouse?) and his skill as a detective is just adequate enough to keep him hot on Lupin's tail, but never hot enough to actually catch the guy. In fact, some of the more interesting pathos in the series revolves around the feeling that if Zenigata could actually catch Lupin, that it might not actually be as satisfying as the chase itself. Indeed, the man's entire raison d'être seems to be chasing after Lupin and in a way, his sheer verve for catching Lupin seems to be the thing that has kept him going all these years, just as Lupin's desire to escape his grasp similarly becomes a way-of-life for Lupin.

I'm just fascinated by these cat-and-mouse relationships in which two figures are thrust into an unending rivalry by which their lives are both threatened and also preserved-- like a nemesis and their prey locked in an endless waltz, desiring only the destruction of their opponent while also loving the enemy for the very unending purpose which they provide one another. Batman and Joker, Sherlock and Arsene. Cicero and his dear Catiline. And of course, Lupin and Zenigata. We see it time and again, and Inspector Zenigata sure makes one great side to the coin that is the Lupin/Zenigata dynamic.

Last week's spotlight on Goro Akechi had us talking about the great Kogoro Akechi of Japanese mystery fame, and Zenigata is similarly named after a character from another big name in Japanese mystery novels-- Kodo Nomura. His wildly popular stories starring a certain Zenigata Heiji are set in the Edo period of Japan, with Zenigata being a crime-solving policeman who throws coins-- or zeni-- at the criminals he investigates in order to subdue them.  

That will tie in with next week's look at the under-rated historical-mystery genre, but for now let's give a tip of the hat to Inspector Zenigata, and wish that his designs may always be adequately foiled! Happy Halloween Detectives~

[alicethe13]

Goro's birthday

It is the time of the year again. The day where i should feel happy. I mean at least that's what people tell you to feel. But in the end, all i do is like the other day. Even in school, no one bother to say it to me. It's not like i'm the most sociable person in school. Still even it's me, i still want someone to at least remember this one day that i have. Maybe i should just go straight home after school, but it will feel even more sad i guess. Without destination, i move my feet. And when i stop, i see a bakery in front of me and i think should i buy a cake for me. But i know it's just a silly thought. Even if i buy the cake, no one will eat it anyway. I keep staring at the bakery, as if I'm waiting for someone to buy the cake for me. Few minutes pass, i see bunch of people come in and out from the bakery. A group of girls, mother and son, even couples. I can't help to feel bitter a little in the inside, but i smile anyway. A bitter smile. That's when i feel a vibrates in my pocket. What a surprise, Sae suddenly call me. I think it must be about work, since that "outbreak incident" that place has been very busy. I take my phone and answer. It seems she wants me to come to the office now, though she doesn't tell me what is her business. Cause i just accept it when she ask me, i think today is better for me to burry myself in working than worrying about small problem that i have in my personal life. And then i arrive at the office, funny cause sae is already standing infront of the entrance door. Goro : Sae-san, are we not working today ? Sae : off course we are but i want to have lunch before continue working. Goro : now ? But i just come... sae : doesnt matter, it's just a quick one. Goro: oh... I was quiet shock when sae says she wants to have lunch right after I arrive at the office. It's really not like her. I mean... usually i'm the one who beg for free time even just a moment. But i decided to just keep quiet and go. Goro : it's so practice to go everywhere with car Sae : yeah... and efficient. I can't help but feel tired of what's happening today. Every year always like that. I remember i used to hope for my mother to come and celebrate my birthday. That was when i'm still in orphanage. The more i think the deeper my mind is and eventually i fell asleep. Then i feel the car stop. I slowly open my eye and we are in front of a cafe. It looks rather antique if i could say. Goro : are we arrived yet ? Sae : yeah... let's go. Goro :uhh... okay ... what was the dream that i have again , i forget completely. But i feel so much refreshed. I come out from the car and go into the cafe. It seems like sae already book the seat so we go straight sitting there. Sae : well, just order anything you want from the menu. Goro : hmm... i want steak... cause it looks delicious. Sae: i see... then steak it is... Goro: ... Sae : i will have the same then. As the waiter takes away the menu, i keep looking at my surroundings. It's really antique, i feel stunned by the decoration that they use. Sae : *giggle* you should look the expression on your face now. Goro : *shock* aa... sorry... Sae : no need. I think this place is wonderful too. That's why i choose this place. Goro : *confuse* mmm... are we celebrating something ? Sae : yes we do. I think I'm forgetting more than i think i am. When i wake up inside of the car my head feel ligther so my mind just slip somewhere. I don't get this situation at all. Suddenly the waitter come and bring a plate of very beautiful pancake. Seriously i never seen anything as beautiful as this is. Even the plate is amazing. The waitter then put the plate on the table as Sae light a candle. Something strike my mind but... is it really that?? Sae : what happen ? You seems to be shock? Goro : uh... is it... *i unconsciously make my voice smaller* for my birthday ? I look down as i speak. Sae : off course it is... Akechi Goro... happy birthday... today you turn 17 right? I can feel a smile on my face, i dont know why. It's like something i never feel for a long time. And i just smile honestly like a little kid. Goro : *nod* yeah... sae : sorry it's not a cake. Since i dont know who will eat them. And i'm not a cake person myself so... i think it's only fair to buy a pancake since you can finish it yourself and... it's technically still a cake. Goro : i... i dont mind at all... i'm just so happy to celebrate it this year. Sae : sure... you've been helping me a lot. So it's only fair to celebrate your birthday. Goro : thanks... i dont think sae will remember my birthday but i eat the pancake all by myself. I was so happy since the pancake taste 10000000% better than normal pancake. Oh... and i take a lot of photo with sae. Although her expression are mainly stiff. After the birthday lunch we go back to the office to check on a few works. Actually more than a few. Cause i ended up working like usual. But i feel lot happier. When i go back, i go to that bakery once again and buy a very small cake. As i home i put all my stuff. Take a plate , and my mother's photo. I put it across where i sit. I close my eyes for a while and stare at the photo. Goro : mother... today i have another birthday. I know i do it every year. I apologize to you for my existence. And today must be the day that you hate so much. It's not like i enjoy having a birthday too. But even so i feel like even as a bastard child like me, there is someone who remember my birthday. And i want to celebrate it with you again mother. Cause i remember we used to do it. My mouth stop talking and i light the candle. As i say happy birthday to myself and start eating the cake. Goro : cakes are delicious... i feel like eating lots of cake today. Nothing change in my life that day not even a single bit, but for a while. Even just for a while when i eat those birthday lunch with Sae. I feel somewhat warm and happy. I wonder how long have this feeling disappear from my life... eventhough i know it's just temporary feeling. But i... i still want to cerish the short moments. Even just for a while.