#anyways hello happy New Years. my god 2023 was… something

[what-the-fuck-khr]

Colour of the Year 2024

Peach Fuzz 13-1023

[bittertarot]

Hi Freya! Thank you for this game :)

I would love to receive New Years letter from my idol to me and my idols of choice are ATEEZ San, Seonghwa, Wooyoung and Yunho. I spent my Christmas chilling around my family.

Thank you and happy holidays 🎄✨

- ari ♉️

Hihi!! It's no problem at all <3 Let's get started; A New Years letter from ATEEZ!! San - *The Empress* "Hello, Ari! My year has been a rollercoaster, I've felt really accomplished! Very busy, but I enjoyed it. I wish every year could be like this year! My mom was very proud of me, praising me and our members a lot. I felt very in tune with nature and took some time to ground myself, I learned more about myself than I ever have before. My one piece of advice I would give you to take into the New Year is to find yourself again, go for a walk, spend more time outside. You'll learn more than you think! Connect with your feminine energy, whether you're a woman or not, I think your year will become amazing if you look into connecting with that aspect of you! Rooting for your year to be amazing. Fighting! - San <33" Seonghwa - *3 of Pentacles Reversed* (I can't he's adorable he fr was like "huh? my turn to talk already? Ah..." LMAOO) "Hi, Ari! Happy New Year! I hope your 2024 has been going well, mine's been... something. I suppose I should talk about 2023, with how delayed this message is. I felt like a huge lack of teamwork was going on and I was very afraid, there was a lot of group conflict and it almost felt like we were back in our trainee days when the company made us compete against one another...? It was absolute chaos! We accumulated a lot of money, but I don't feel fulfilled by it. I'm just hoping this year is better teamwork/group wise than it was in 2023. Anyways! I should stop rambling! My piece of advice for you for the rest of 2024 is; focus on working together with those around you for a special purpose/service, it's for the greater good. Look into organising aspects of your life more, so you can grow. Look into ways you can express yourself and avoid doing things just for self-benefit. I have much more to say, but I can't think of how to word it. Either way, I hope my advice helps you to have a successful and amazing year! You have great things coming your way! From, - Seonghwa." Wooyoung - I'm sorry I cannot do him rn, all I hear is screaming in my ear oh my god I want to cry. He's a menace (in a good way). If you wanna hear what he has to say, send me a private message since jeez, he's rambling more than Hwa. Too talkative and calling me a rat :/ I'm hearing from him "You look like Ratatouille if it was AI generated" I can'tttt Yunho - *Hierophant Reversed* "Ari, hey! I've been handling a lot this year, feeling more rebellious and wanting to go against the grain and try a new approach to a lot of things. I'm hoping Atiny like it and that it's paying off! I felt very restricted in the past, so I'm enjoying embracing a more chaotic side to me than ever before. Now, for advice to you; if you're feeling restricted and questioning your choices, stop RIGHT NOW!!!!!! Stop being so nice and considerate, it's okay to be selfish for once! Who cares about others expectations, societal rules, it's all a load of nonsense! Allow yourself to be free and pursue a new approach in life the same way I have! Have an awesome year!! Hoping for the best !! Update me <3 - Yunho."

[lauranyx]

My Stray Kids Fanmeet Experience

So i saw skz for the first time in real life the other day (jan 202023 to be exact :p) and i wanna write my whole experience so that i can look back at this in the future cuz my memory is shit 😅

It all started last year 2022 around Nov/Dec when bench announced that they'll have a bench x stray kids fanmeet this Jan 2023 (excite excite) so obv i just HAD to get tickets. ITS STRAY KIDS HELLO?

minor detour for some of that extra context lol:

I got into skz mid to late 2021 and ofc it was felix with his deep ass “cooking like a chef” yt short that sucked me in. From then on i just got hooked into their content and just them in general. Really nice to see a grp thats around my age doing something amazing like what theyre doing now.

Anyway! Back to my fan meet xp

So last yr i saw the announcement and got all majorly excited. At first i was thinking of getting VIP tickets. I was actually willing to spend 8k for a fanmeet and a chance to receive a poster from them. But then i saw the lines in bench and i was like,, hell naw! I aint gonna be putting myself through that. Y’all can wait in line for that imma spend my time elsewhere. So i waited for the promo period to get tickets for lower box instead. This was only 4k with a chance for a bye wave opportunity (no physical up close interaction like shaking hands or anything but at least u get to see them closer up). I was totally fine w this since i spend less and since im not going for what majority (who can afford) want, less ppl to deal with/wait in line for.

Now.. i went through s t r u g g l e just to claim my ticket after buying my stuff from bench. Dont really wanna retype everything since ive already shared w my friends so imma just attach screenshots of my rant

(Screenshots here)

Now, after that whole ordeal, is the new year and i honestly forgot there was a raffle. Also can i just say, thank goodness ate girl (for those that dont know ate is filipino for sister that we use even for non relatives.. kinda like noona/unnie) was kind enough to send me my code that night so i was still able to enter my code for the raffle to win a bye wave opportunity. Cuz if not… i wouldnt have seen skz up close😿

Jan 12 day of the bye wave winners announcement: I checked my email around morning and noon; nothing. So i was like ayt, i didnt win. I’ll still get to see skz tho irl w decent seats.

BUT THEN

when i checked my email again in the evening- actually i didnt purposefully check my mail; i just saw the push notif on my phone. Something like “STRAY KIDS WINNER, congratulations!” and I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. Like OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD!! I WON?!?!??? Suuuper ecstatic. Kept squeeling and shit. I could not even.😶😱🤗😵🥴🫠🤪🤪🤪

After i was able to calm down, I immediately let ate girl know if we could meet up earlier so i can get my receipt back so i can have no trouble on the day of the fanmeet when i claim the raffle. She was nice enough to agree and meet up earlier and it was nice that she seemed happy for my win (she also bought lb tix) kinda regretful i didnt try to be friends w her but im shy so whatever. I just want receipt so i can see the bois😛😁😁😁

Cut to day of fan meet. Wait no- actually.. the week of the fanmeet. The monday of that wk is when i met up w ate gurl to get my receipt. Friday was the fanmeet. In between i was tryna decide my outfit (that i dont have a pic of but whatever. i’ll describe it nalang) which ended up being a kinda loose white tank top with a green plaid long sleeve on top then dark grey/black slim jeans. Add in a couple of accessories ( choker, chains, earrings) and we’re good to go. Oh i also had on my hidden high heel highcut black sneakers (or at least i think theyre sneakers; can never remember fashion shtuff)

In case it wasn’t obvious i was fully planning to go on my own since my friends/cousins said they couldnt (busy or broke) so whatever. BUT THEN my friend, day before the fanmeet- night before actually- was like “ hey! Joke lang im actually going to the meet” so i was like “omg yay!” Not like that exactly but yeah. Same sentiments :p

I asked my friend if we could meet up on fri and she said sure. She’ll just be w her friend who got her the ticket.

Now! We can finally cut to the day of the fanmeet. Claiming for raffle winners are from 10am-2pm then theres an orientation @3pm so i went to moa around 12-1230, got my photo cards (chan, leeknow, & hyunjin) and the wristband showing me as a bye wave winner. Went around moa, had lunch in jollibee, waited around in my car for my friend to arrive around 4, 5pm. Ate again in ikea resto then we finally went to the venue.

While lining up we made friends w another stay who gave out some freebies (ngl i forgot her name🥲) she was sweet. I was kinda stupid and decided to split up from my friend (cuz there 2 lines and the one i went to was shorter but my friend didnt follow so 🙃☹️) so i ended lining up alone when i told her that i wanted to meet up so i wouldnt line up alone lol. Anyway, i got inside moa arena went to my seat in lb 221 and got ready for the fanmeet.

The fanmeet started around 7pm (tho gates opened at 5) it wasnt fully packed inside but there were still a LOT of Stay that attended. Tho i think gen ad was fully packed.

Honestly everything happened so fast that if i didnt take videos and didnt see the vids that others have posted online, i woulda forgotten everything but i know i enjoyed every minute of it😁

So first off skz opened w God’s Menu then the host, Sam Oh (who i know of because she used to be on radio and i loved listening to her shows then), introduced them and on the programme went.

The kids played some jenga w missions, whisper challenge, dance replay challange, domino challange, paint a shirt that was raffled out to the audience) call w a fan(that didnt work out cuz of cell service issues) also i didnt quite get that WE had to call the numbers of the phones in front of the skz members so i didnt really try until it was too late. One fan was able to connect tho but it didnt really work out too well. Im glossing over these and might have mentioned them in the wrong order but thats because there are tons of vids out there about these so i won’t go into detail.

At the end of the fan meet skz performed Case 143 and we moved on to the giving out of signed posters THEN my long anticipated bye wave opportunity. So while the poster receivers were getting ready so were the bye wavers. There was an usher of sorts holding a sign for us to recognize and follow to the exit. The staff told us that no pics/vid was allowed😕 sucks but i was planning to sneak a vid if possible. Others also tried im sure of it. I was 15/200 in line. Unfortunately because i was so close to the front and they were ushering us to the stage pretty fast, i couldnt set up my phone to video on time. No matter tho. There was a barrier that was too high for the phone in my front jean pocket to even capture anything so it wouldve failed anyway.

Going up the stage felt so rushed even tho the videos showed that we werent even walking that fast. But it felt so fast that i couldnt even tell you what order the kids were in when i was waving bye to them. Thank god for other Stays tho so imma put their line up here so i can recall my experience better

They were grouped by twos behind some barriers that looked like kiosk stands from left to right (tho we entered right and left the stage left) it went

Chan - Lee Know | Changbin - Hyunjin | Han - Felix | Seungmun - I.N.

We were like 5ft away from them kandhaksbskabxj

Ok so first i saw was IN and i gotta be honest i cant remember the experience 😭😭 id like to say we made brief eye contact but im not sure. I think i saw that he was looking at the ones behind me so i moved my eyes to Seungmin. Again i cant remember anymore so idek what actually happened here

Now Seungmin, bb, i swear we made eye contact and i think i shocked him with my hair cause his eyes widened and mouth opened wider while looking at me aidbsidbdlaj. Context: i have a shaved head. Tho im in the middle of growing it out. My last shave was mid Dec last yr so my hair at this point is about an inch to an inch and a half

Lemme just insert here that i COULD NOT stop smiling

Next was Felix and oh. my. GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!!! We made the looongest eye contact ever!!! wodbsisbdb SWEAR!! At least 2 seconds! It was glorious~ And his face was just so beautiful and his smile was angelic and he may not be my bias but he lives rent free mehn. Rent. Free. Period.

Ayt so Han. My bb, my bias. I feel so bad cause i think i got so caught up w looking at felix ( making fucken 2 second eye contact) that i think Han saw me not looking at him so he went on to say bye to the ones behind me already😖😣😔😢😭 tho i did try to catch his eyes but no such luck cause i had to keep moving

Moving on, it was Hyunjin. Very brief, my encounter with him. Again i think i spent too long looking at Felix that it just pushed back the rest to skip over me causing me to miss meeting eyes with the rest. But Hyunjin 👌 also he be the tallest of the grp

Same thing with Changbin tho i really did try my best to look at them whenever they were more or less directly in front of me. The size of this man tho! Batak! So buff 💪 i just wanna feel… all of it👀 in a non sexual way ofc😶 unless? 😏 jk (or am i🤔)

Anyway!

Lee Know is so pretty like wtf . But again he was already looking at those behind me😞 and i had to keep the line moving so.. sad=me Lee Know is my bias wrecker pa naman🫤 i really love his relationship w Han whether its just friends or whatever it is I just love seeing the interactions. (Ngl tho,, the fan edits of minsung that i see Stay post? Mmm is something alright)

Bang fucken Chan DOE! Maybe cuz he’s last idk. But he made it a point to look at me in the eyes😍🥰 made me soo happy~ and his smile! And dimples! My gosh he’s just adorable☺️😊🫠🫠🤭 i just wanna be your friend man. Actually i just wanna be friends with all 8 of them bdkajxhak

Moving on.

After all this we were ushered out of the arena and I decided to loiter a bit outside before i went back to my car. Fangirled like crazy. Then promptly went back to the hotel. I fangirled again when i saw my cousins at the hotel roofdeck cuz i couldnt just keep this in mehn i had to let it out and share my joy.

Later in the night i found out that skz stayed a bit longer to jam w the crowd while Doodle was playing. Kinda jealous but i got to see them up close so im content for now.

The upcoming concert in March tho.. i NEED to get sound check and vip tix. I just gotta💪 heres to me, hopin’ i get the tickets i want🤞🤞

[elliehdzg]

A new beginning

Hello journal. 

the day is May 1st 2023 and it’s 1:19pm. I decided to come to the park for a change of scenery today. There’s been so much going on I might just type my fingers off. 

First off, Marco and I are no longer together. Things ended pretty bad this time and I am certain that we’r not going to get back together. This was the last time we were gonna try. Apart of me is relieved but a part of me is a bit hurt as well. Overall though I am relieved that we’re not trying anymore because I lost myself with him and this time it was worse. My pride disappeared and I didn't even know who I was anymore. 

Right now I am just focusing on myself and my well being all together. I became depressed after the breakup and started having suicidial thoughts but I had to stop myself again. It wasn’t easy, still isn’t, but I'm slowly starting to feel a lot better thank god. I’ve started working out a lot more and hit a new low weight. I went down two jean sizes. I’m going back to school to finish my degree and hopefully use it for something because I have a lot of loans that I took out to pay for my school. I can’t say I’m 100 percent better but I’m getting there. 

Work has been kind of weird lately. We got a new manager so I haven't been getting as many as hours as I would like. I’m just a part timer at the moment so I’m a little anxious as to if I have to get a second job or not. Things are kind of slow at work so I’m just going to tough it out but if worse comes to worse, I’m just gonna get a second job. 

Today I woke up with a different mentality. I can no longer cry about old situations I’m just numb and allow myself to be sad a bit, but then I get back to business. The fact that it’s a new month I've started to try and have good new habits. Some of those habits include getting off instagram and making sure I workout at least 5 times a week. So far so good. Unfortunately my mental health isn't at its best right now but I’m working on it slowly but surely. This year and the rest of the years I have for my life are for me & me ONLY. It’s almost like I've gone through a metamorphosis and can feel myself changing. I’m two years until I hit 30 so I really want to make life changes that I will be happy with. Hopefully all goes well. I’m praying my life only gets better from here in all aspects. 

Anyways, new month, new start. I know I got this. Keep going little Ellie. 

Blog ends at 1:31pm

[kingsdominionalumni]

The Princess and the Rat (part one)

Deadly Class fanfic, fluff, kind of angsty,  Reader x Billy Bennett

Warnings: mentions of abuse, prostitution, murder, blood, swearing

You’re new at kings, but not new to  the whole killing thing. Your parents sold you to a pimp who used you to kill “customers”. Master Lin found out about you, how young you are. Only fifteen and has a higher body count then most his other students.The only person you trust, the man Master Lin sent to find you, punk, green mohawk wearing Billy Bennett.

(First fic so this is probably going to be bad 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ Also the name probably doesn’t fit the story, but when I thought of it I loved it lol )

Word Count: 2023

Nobody. I know nobody. I have to get through my life day by day. I wish I had a normal life. When I was little I watched all these sitcoms about happy families sitting around the dinner table just talking about their day. The last time my family sat around the dinner table, halfway through dinner a man came into the house. I had no idea who he was. He gave my dad some money then my dad pointed at me. Tears streamed down my ten year old face as I yelled “Daddy! Daddy! Stop them!” my dad just turned away. A coward too weak to even watch what he had just done. The man slapped me in the face. Told me that was not my daddy anymore. Told me that Vinny was my daddy and not to call him Vinny either or I’d get hit like that again. Vinny told me I was special, that because of my age I didn’t have to do the same as the other girls. That he had a job just for me. He handed me my first knife and told me that everytime he needed me to I had to come with him to meetings. Because I was so young the men didn’t think I was going to kill them, Vinny said “Go give your uncle a hug” and when he said that it meant “Go hug that man and shove the knife into the back of his skull”. This went on for five years until now. Last week was my fifteenth birthday and Vinny called me up and told me that I was moving up. I was too old to fool the men and I had to sell myself for him. I didn’t mind doing the killing for him when I was little because at least then the men didn’t touch me, but now I’m done. It’s getting harder to hide. I’ve had seven customers this week and I did what I knew how. I took the money for Vinny, but after that I gave them my “hug of death” as Vinny called it. He doesn’t want me killing these men, I know that, but I can’t have them touching me, I can’t do this anymore. I have one last customer tonight, but after him, I’m out. I'm going for the big fish. Vinny. I will die doing that I know, if not by Vinny then by a goon after I finished him, but it would be worth it to kill that piece of shit. I have one last customer, a man they call Lin. After I’m done with him I go after Vinny.

———————————————————————————

“So, I can’t hangout tonight. Sorry dude, but master Lin has me on some mission to get this new student. She’s got some rep. She’s only fifteen, but has probably killed more than all of us combined.” said Billy to Marcus as they smoke their cigarettes up in the graveyard.

“Doubt it.” Saya said from behind him.

“Holy shit! Dude when did she get here!” This made Marcus laugh. Billy was always over the top, but in a good crazy way. “Well anyway miss perfect, I meant all us rats,” he motioned to Marcus, Petra, Lex, and of course himself  “We weren’t born into this shit. Anyway, this chick is posing as a prostitute and taking money from men and instead of doing… you know… she kills them. Lin said that she’s only been doing that shit for a week though. That before she was just killing them. No prostitution. She posed as a sweet young girl instead, but apparently she’s not a sweet young girl anymore…” Billy went on

Marcus interrupted  “Well it sounds like she really wasn’t that sweet. She also sounds like someone who could fuck you up, no offense Billy, not saying a fifteen year old girl could fuck  you up, but if she’s been doing this her whole life… it sounds like she can fuck you up.”

“Well she was told that Lin was her client and that he was old and shit, so when she opens the door and sees that it’s me instead, I think it’ll throw her off.”

“Wait so you’re getting a prostitute?” Petra asked, seeming all of a sudden interested in the conversation she was trying to ignore

“Oooh, is that jealousy I sense in the air?” Lex piped in

“Fuck off Lex, I’m just saying what if she has STDs or something…”

“Well, I’m trying to get her here so I won’t actually be sleeping with her, and if you actually listened to what I said about her before you would’ve heard the part about how she kills people before they even get the chance to sleep with her, so I’m pretty sure she’s STD free…” Billy realises it’s getting late “hey any of you know what time it is?”

“Six forty five” Marcus said

“Shit I gotta go.”

And with that Billy ran down the stairs, to the closest exit of the school and started down the road to the Coastline Motel

———————————————————————————

You sat on the bed of probably the grossest motel room you’ve ever seen.

“Glad this shit is done after tonight” you thought

There was a knock at the door. You go to the door expecting a old man, but when you open it you see a cute guy who seems around your age… You haven’t had to communicate with someone that young in a long time, you actually got a little bit nervous. This wasn’t who was supposed to be here. You’re honestly not sure if you can even kill this guy.

“Lin?” you say

“Haha okay well about that, umm well can I come in?” The guy asked you

You hesitated. This isn’t who you expected and you nothing about this guy, but for some reason you trust him… You have this feeling that he is someone you should know, and if you’re wrong and he kills you, well whatever. You step to the side opening up the door and letting this boy in. You shut the door after him.You notice him looking around.

“I don’t live here, my da-  boss is the one who sets up the rooms.” you blurt

Thoughts rush through your mind “Why did I say that! He doesn’t care. God dammit.” you think

“Hey it’s not that bad right? There’s a bed at least, some people don’t even have one of those” He says

“Well I didn’t think about it that way…. Ummm so since you’re not Lin… who are you?”

“Oh right sorry! I’m Billy, Billy Bennett.”

He reached out his hand for a hand shake. You’re hand feels connected to his before you even reach out, you start to reach for his hand, you pull away a little then finally you shake his hand. Why is this such a big deal to you? People shake hands every fucking day, but there’s something about him…

“Hello?”

You were staring off into some other world. How long have you been staring at his hand? Does he think I’m weird? Y/N what the fuck is wrong with you? You kill people, but this fucking guy is throwing you off! Get in the fucking game!

“Oh right umm sorry right, I’m Y/N”

“Wow that’s a pretty name”

“I mean I guess. It’s just my name… I don’t even know if it has any meaning to it.”

Stupid bitch! Why did you say that! You just made yourself so vulnerable

You continue before he can respond to that

“Well what the hell are you doing here? Why did you use a fake name? Are you here for… you know. Because I’m not going to just sit here and talk. I have other stuff… to do you know…”

“Oh right like murdering people”

“What the fuck did you just say”

You freak the fuck out. You grab him and push him up against the wall your arm on his neck basically strangling him.

How does this man know about that? Is this some kind of joke to him? Is he here for revenge? DId he know someone that  I…

“Woah okay okay, I didn’t mean it as a bad thing, calm down okay. I’m here to recruit you for this place where you’ll like fit in and shit, well maybe not fit in with everyone since you’re not a legacy, but since you are pretty badass..”

“What the fuck are you saying?”

“I go to a school that trains people to be assassins and the headmaster dude sent me to get you because he heard about you and thinks you belong at this school.”

“How am I supposed to believe you?”

“Let me go, trust me, you need to actually trust me. I’ll bring you there okay? Okay?”

You start backing off, still not fulling trusting him, but for some reason you feel like he’s telling the truth with no evidence…

He smiles “Good okay, you trust me. Well we can go to Kings and I can show you around and you can meet Master Lin, that’s where the name came from, he set this up, but thought it probably would be better coming from someone my age”

“Well if I’m honest, I haven’t really talked to anyone my age in a few years, nothing for real. Not a really conversation. The men who come in here they are fucked in the head old guys who think they can touch me. I haven’t even had my first kiss, but because of this shit I feel like a piece of shit. I’m nothing. I can’t go with you. This place you talk about sounds great for some people, but I can’t be there, I’ll probably be dead tomorrow and I’m okay with that. Go back to your Master and tell him that I’m not interested.”

You turn away from him. Not sure if you can trust this guy, once you have your back turned he could try and kill you, but after this it doesn’t matter. Everything is done tomorrow with Vinny. You need to kill him. You walk over to the bed and sit down. For some reason Billy follows suit and sits next to you. You look forward, staring at the wall not in the moment, but you can feel the man next to you looking at you. Why does he care this much? You turn to where you’re facing him. He has these beautiful blue eyes, they’re almost grey, but you can just tell that the shade of blue depends on his feelings. People with eyes that changed color like that always intrigued you. Do they know their eyes do that or is it just something that happens for the amusement of the outside world? Does he realize that his eyes look like that? Subconsciously you put your hand on his cheek. This makes him smile. Once you snap back into reality you pull away.

“I have unfinished business. I can’t go to your school until I finish that.” You finally say

“Well maybe we can help. What’s the business?”

“I need to kill someone, but if I kill him his people will probably kill me…”

“Is he a like the leader of a gang or something? Why does he have people?”

“Well he is a pimp. Pimp’s tend to have followers. His name is Vinny. My dad sold me to him when I was ten. He is the reason I’m in this situation. He is why your master is even interested in me. I need him to be dead. I don’t want anymore girls like me. He needs to be gone.”

“I didn’t know.. I’m sorry.”

“Why would you know? I literally just met you. I don’t even know why I’m saying all this shit to you…”

“Well I’ll help you. I totally understand shit dads. I had to kill mine because I wanted to protect my mom and little brother. Pieces of shit need to be killed. If my dad wasn’t a piece of shit I wouldn’t be at Kings either. I understand, so I’ll help you.”

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading even if it was shitty lol. Part two will probably be out tomorrow as long as I have time to type it. I have school vacation until wednesday so I’ll write the whole time… also I’m going to keep posting parts even if people don’t really like it because I like it 😊

[ayanacam]

Stand Still

:02

Five months ago...

July 17th, 2022

The nursery was a pale mint blue, accents of gray, white, and yellow surrounding the walls. The furniture was a crisp white wood. A crib and dresser on opposites of the wall, fitting perfectly in the vision Christen had been wanting ever since she had graduated high school and had worked in her friend's mother's baby store. She knew yellow and pale blue was a neutral color, meant for any gender and she had perfectly executed it. Everything was perfect.

Christen's hands caressed her belly, her stomach protruding slightly since she was entering her second trimester. She had gotten around to finally picking a day to go and get checked. She had found out she was two months pregnant, realizing that the stress and "flu" symptoms were actually her pregnancy hormones all out of whack; however, she couldn't have been happier to find that she was expecting. Something she had been wanting with Dallas since their first year of marriage.

Thank god for miracles... Christen thought.

"Baby?" Dallas' voice sliced through her silence.

She turned, her eyes washing over her husband. Blue button down shirt and a simple sweater, pair of dark wash jeans and khaki Clark's covering his feet. He looked delectable and her libido sky rocketed with another glance.

Dallas smiled, knowing. Lately Christen had been insatiable, her hands and mouth everywhere over him within the last few weeks; especially with the fact of painting the nursery. He had been practically naked and what should've been a week paint job, turned into three.

"Alright Mrs. horny," Christen blushed. "Everyone is starting to arrive, come on."

Christen giggled, her hands covering her stomach before she moved towards her significant other.

"You ready to tell them?" Dallas gathered her hands into his.

She nodded, butterflies filling her stomach consistently at the thought of telling her family and friends that they were going to have a child. Everyone had expected them to come back from their honeymoon pregnant, but all that glowed was her tan skin from their vacation in Tahiti.

"Hey," Dallas pulled her into his chest, squeezing her gently. "This is a happy moment. Don't let the years of failed tests reign over the positive one."

He always knew what to say, Christen smiling as she looked down. Her button down baggy shirt covered what she knew was there and it made her happy. For awhile she lived with a baby without someone knowing. She got the bliss of knowing that the baby was just hers and Dallas' for a few months. No constant calls of checking in and overbearing parents, she wasn't quite ready to give it up.

"Alright, come on."

Dallas could see the gears turning inside of her head, eventually going to lead her into regression of the choice to let their closest family and friends know that they were soon to be parents. He placed his lips upon her forehead and interlaced their fingers together. He gently tugged at her, away from the nursery.

They descended the staircase, their family and friends all over the house. Some in the living space or in the kitchen attached. The house was buzzing.

"Hey! It's Christen." Logan yelled.

Everyone joined, a smile lighting her face.

"Hi Logan." She chuckled, walking over to him, embracing him shortly.

"What's going on? How are you?" Logan grinned.

"I'm great," she beamed. "You?"

He nodded, "I could be better but all's well that ends well."

She nodded, "Well if you need to talk, I'm here for you."

"I know." He had a small sad smile. "It's good to see you sis."

"Good to see you too baby bro." She punched his shoulder in playful manner.

Others eventually, one by one and groups, had said hello and began to eat the food Dallas had cooked. For about an hour and a half, everyone socialized, drinks were continuously poured and food consumed.

"Alright, alright, alright!" Dallas exclaimed.

Everyone's chatter had slowly quieted, Christen's nerves slowly building in anticipation.

"So I know you guys are all wondering why we have brought you here, even though we were all together about and week and a half ago for Fourth of July." Dallas chuckled.

Christen's eyes filled with tears as she took her next breath, "I know you guys were expecting us to be pregnant the moment we stepped off the plane from our honeymoon."

"Oh my god," Christen's mother Amelia gasped.

"We've brought you here today, to tell you guys that we are four months pregnant." Dallas smiled, looking down at her stomach, his hand gliding over the material covering it.

Everyone began to yell, cheerfully and loudly. Multiple group hugs and kisses were shared as everyone took in the news. Christen was crying and Dallas was beaming, so proud of what they had created and were now starting.

"Wait wait wait, you mean to tell me for four months I didn't know you were pregnant?" Amelia smacked Dallas' arm.

"Ow, Jesus woman." His hand soothingly rubbed the spot she had hit.

"Christen?" Amelia's gaze landed on her.

"We wanted to be sure we could make it past the first trimester. We didn't want you guys to get your hopes up." Christen guiltily shrugged.

"Well nevertheless, I'm happy for both of you. Congratulations son." Chris, Dallas' father, had clapped his shoulder.

"Thanks pops. Means a lot." Dallas smiled.

For the rest of the night, things had gone smoothly. Questions that were asked, had been answered and the nursery was shown to everyone. For the first time Christen's heart was content fully. As she looked around, everyone in her home was just as ecstatic as she had been when she found out.

Dallas and Christen had eventually ushered everyone out, the last wave and car leaving soon after they announced they had an early morning for a doctors appointment and a La Mas class.

"Thank you." Christen kissed her husbands chest.

"For what?" Dallas looked down at his wife.

"For giving me everything I could've ever possibly wanted." Christen played with the clear buttons.

A small grin graced Dallas' face as he looked at his wife being a slight mush. He knew she hated being one but had her small moments here and there.

He tilted her chin, "Thank you for being everything I've ever wanted."

Tears brimmed the sides of her eyes before Dallas pulled her into a sweet kiss. They stood on their porch, the lights a low glow. They were content and blithe.

Present Day...

January 16th, 2023

It was dimly lit in the interrogation room, a small overhead light swaying over the head of the table. Christen squinted, laying her head onto her forearms; the headache stronger than ever. The pain medication was doing nothing to subdue, her edginess more noticeable than ever as Andrew rubbed the small of her back.

"You okay?" He questioned.

It had been restless nights, ever since the unfortunate scene of events a week ago. It wasn't okay, but at this point she didn't know what that was.

"I'm fine." she responded quietly.

"You sure?" Andrew leaned, matching her eyesight.

"No, but if I'm here I must be." She admitted.

"You know Chris, we can do this another day. We don't need to rush anything. The trial isn't for a few months anyways." Andrew confirmed.

"I don't want to do this later. I don't want to get to a place where I am at least on the verge of being fine and reopen wounds." She fanned her hands around on the table. Her breaths had quickened. Her heart was racing uncontrollably, something she hadn't been able to confine the last few days.

"Christen." Andrew's voice broke.

"What?" Her eyes, filled with salty teardrops, were glassy.

"Do you want to do this another day?" Andrew asked, slowly.

She shook her head, her shoulders slumping forward; her weight resting against the middle of the cracked black table. It seemed like forever before the detective who was handling the case walked in, closing the door behind him. He nodded towards Andrew and opened his mouth as if to try and express his sympathy, but nothing came out. There was nothing that he could say that would make what he was about to say any easier.

"Ms. Collins."

Christen looked up, dried tear stains marking the redness of her cheeks. Her eyes were puffy and besides her cheeks, the rest of her looked sickly and pale. He wasn't about to comment on that though, he knew better not to.

"I won't ask you what you're feeling. I know whatever it is, isn't good and we won't rehash that." A slight pause, a deep breath followed suit. "I came across some information about your late husband. Dallas Collins."

"What information would that be?" Andrew's brows furrowed.

"Dallas Collins had been money laundering for what seems to be like, the past four years. Documentation of the accounts we found offshore and in other banks suspects that he might've taken them over from a person in a higher position who had retired."

Christen's eyes had widened, her hands shaking slightly. Her mind raced as she wondered how she couldn't have known. She had always handled the bills, the taxes, anything that meant paying companies and government officials. Her mind wandered around into the small dark corners of her brain to see if she could scour anything she could remember about anything. If something had been off or if Dallas had ever shown fear about money or people.

"Apart from that, it seems like Dallas was also involving himself into the underground drug trade, selling millions worth of cocaine, heroine, and methamphetamine's. Dallas must have gotten himself into some nasty business with a guy named Grant Valente. Do you know that name by any chance?"

Andrew's mouth was dry. All those accounts he had been handling for Dallas, multiple cards and bank accounts. He should've known. As Andrew looked over to Christen, he realized that Christen was looking even worse than before. She was like a sheet of white, pale as ever and a small sweat had broken over her skin.

"Ms. Collins?"

"No, I don't." Christen blankly answered.

Her mind was reeling, all over again. Dallas showed no fear or concern for anything dangerous lurking around their lives. Everything was always, "I'll handle it" or "It's fine baby, nothing to worry about" with a kiss placed on her lips and something else filled her mind as she was whisked into something romantic. Nothing ever screamed at her, nothing but happiness in what was turning out to be fucked up a world.

"Nothing at all?" the detective questioned softly. "Anything that could be weird. Multiple bank accounts, prepaid cards, late night phone calls, reflection of questions when you asked anything?"

"We had multiple bank accounts. Something about savings and how it would help us with retirement since the health benefits from his job were apparently shit." Christen's head was pounding, her face stuck into a frown.

"Alright that's good, anything else?"

"I never checked his wallet, but I always saw a lot of cards whenever he pulled it out, just from what I could see." Christen's shoulders moved.

"Anymore, can you think of a time he ever seemed to be secretive."

"If Dallas was secretive he had something sweet or romantic planned out. I don't think I've ever seen him being secretive about something like this." She murmured softly.

Her whole world, in which she thought was a good one, was turning out to be something completely different. She had no idea that her late husband was apart of something so dangerous and sickening. Her stomach was turning, bile rising up her throat as she continued to ponder about his late night activities.

"Also, Ms. Collins," the detective knew he was about to officially break her.

"Yes?" Christen looked up, the light too much for her migraine to handle.

"From looking into Dallas's bank accounts, we found some activity we feel you should know about. Dallas, it seems, was leading a double life from the payments we've looked over. Dallas had a wife in New York, Manhattan to be more specific. They had two kids."

Andrew's eyes grew, "Bullshit!"

The detective grew, opening the file that was laid out on the old beaten up table. His fingers skimmed through a few pieces and packets of paper before pulling out a few pictures, Dallas laced within each and every one of them. Andrew had snatched the file, looking over the woman and two kids pictured with Dallas, smiling and happy. Christen broke, officially sobbing into her hands. Andrew was yelling, while officers had made their way into the room to get Andrew off of the detective.

Christen was tapped, her head not registering anything she was hearing in reality. Her mind wasn't set on what was going on now.

"Ms. Collins, can you hear me?" A cop, dressed in blue and black.

She nodded slowly, her eyes resting on the blue ones that crouched in front of her.

She looked around, the room completely destroyed. The table had been flipped and papers were scattered. The small space was wrecked to the fullest. Andrew was being restrained in the corner, Christen finally coming into her senses and hearing his wails to defend her cheating husband. She stood, pushing past the cops holding Andrew gently aside. She stood and looked at her friend of years, her hands softly grasping his face into them.

"It's okay, Andrew. It's okay. You're okay." Christen consoled.

"It's not true Chris, he loved you. Everything in him screamed love for you." Andrew cried.

"I know." Christen lied.

He didn't love her, Christen knew this. If that was the case, he wouldn't have had a double life. He wouldn't have lied and cheated. Wouldn't have given another woman kids before her. Wouldn't have even had another woman. Did the woman know about her? Did she know about her and Angela or what Dallas had been doing for the past few years? Christen sank to the ground with Andrew as he held his head between his hands.

"I can't do this Chris. I didn't know he-"

"I believe you." Her voice broke, there was nothing she could do.

"I'm so sorry." Andrew stared blankly at the cold ground.

Christen shrugged, sitting beside him leaning on his shoulder. She didn't have any fight over her, but something was brewing beneath her skin. Rage, dangerous and threatening. She wanted to know so many unanswered questions. She didn't know if she was strong enough to have them answered or to meet the other woman.

"Ms. Collins, it would be best for you both to leave." Christen looked up, the detective a little disheveled as she saw the pity in his eyes.

She nodded, her hand closing around the width of Andrew's arm. Pulling him out of his small trance of disbelief, he realized he needed to be moving. He saw the detective, his pride coming into play before knocking some sense into his self.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get physical." Andrew hung his head in shame.

"Understandable, you guys led a life that was normal, stable and ordinary. It's a lot to take in in such a short period of time." The detective placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Do me a favor," Andrew looked up, "This is the address to Caroline Davis' house in Manhattan. Give her a visit. Or talk to Christen about it and get her to visit. They're pretty broken as well."

"Did they know about her and Angela?" Andrew interrogated.

The detective's facial expression was all he needed to see to answer the simple question, that yes they did know about her. Andrew sighed and took the slip of paper before he walked over to Christen sitting in the waiting room of the police station. From what Andrew could see, Chris was broken in every sense of the word. Not only had she lost her husband and baby in an ugly fight that was only meant for Dallas. She just found out that her whole life was a lie, yet she was supporting him.

"You ready to go?" Andrew fingering the small piece of paper in his pocket.

She nodded, her throat constricting as she tried to hold herself in the station. She didn't want to be perceived as weak. Of course the situation at hand warranted emotions and breakdowns but that wasn't her, not in the slightest. Andrew escorted her out of the lobby, multiple cameramen and microphones thrust into their face, together and separately.

"Is it true that your husband was apart of a major drug ring?"

Apparently so.

"Are you going to testify against Monica Stratford and Grant Valente?"

With everything in me.

"Is it true your husband had an affair?"

Fuck him.

"Ms. Collins, are you pregnant with your husband's baby?"

No comment.

"Will Angela get justice?"

She hoped.