#anyways going back to bed now gonna try and force myself to stop thinking about my cold blorbos. no easy feat! :-)

[andrew-rannells-mustache]

Too tired to write a deep analysis post rn but do you think there’s some significance in EC carving EC on his sea chest (maybe/possibly at the beginning of the voyage) -> “Hickey” carving Hickey and CH on the Hickey knife (maybe/possibly sometime in mutiny camp/after the walkout)?? Like he carves his old name/initials on stuff when he’s becoming someone new or starting a new chapter. Carves EC into his sea chest as they set off -> casts off EC’s identity to become Cornelius Hickey. Carves Hickey onto his knife once he’s in mutiny camp -> casts off any name/identity to (attempt and obviously fail to) become Tuunbaq’s shaman. Reconfigure reinvent rearrange etc etc. Does this make any sense or is this just a bunch of words thrown together

[wabblebees]

the universe is mean as hell but at least its fucking funny

(cw for christian end-times conversion bullshit under the readmore)

[cameronluvr]

BABY TRAPPED — dark!rafe x fem reader

summary: rafe purposely gets you pregnant against your own will after you choose the pogues instead of him.

warnings: 18+ !!, DUBCON, forced pregnancy, toxic relationship, abusive relationship, dark!rafe, arguing, fighting, choking, SMUT, fingering, slapping, unprotected sex (p in v) forced sex, jealous!rafe, kinda stalker!rafe, kidnapping(?), creampie, teen pregnancy. (lmk if anymore!)

: ̗̀➛ 𝓶𝔂 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ PART 2

you had been at john b’s chateau for most of the day hanging out with your friends, but you’d promised your parents you’d be home before midnight. looking at the time on your phone, you noticed it was 11:13 pm.

you’d been drinking a little bit, and so had your friends, so driving home wasn’t an option. “guys, i’m gonna need to leave soon” you say over the mild volume of music playing.

“why?” kiara asks. “my parents told me i had to be home before 12. they’re kinda worried about me because of the whole.. you know.. rafe thing” you reply.

over the past few weeks you’d been going through a rough breakup with rafe. you couldn’t handle him anymore. his anger, his jealousy, his everything. he was no good for you anymore, and with the whole rafe vs pogues situation, you had to pick a side. your boyfriend or your best friends.

you had to pick your friends. there was no other choice, no other way out. rafe had tormented your friends for months. he pulled his gun on them, he beat them up, he attempted to kill kiara and his own sister sarah. and he almost killed you.

you’d lost track of how many fights you had with him, how many times he hit you and you hit him back. the screaming wars you’d have always ended up with him choking you or slapping you, and ward having to physically pull him away from you.

you just couldn’t put up with him anymore. he was manipulative, toxic, and most of all abusive. your friends knew about all of this, and tried so hard to get you away from him, but you couldn’t escape from him. he’d always convince you otherwise, guilt trip you, lie to you, twist your words…

“ya’ want me to walk you home?” jj asks, sitting beside you, smoking his blunt. you think about it for a second, but decline his offer. “thanks, but i’m okay, really. i’ll be fine” you nod and smile. “you sure?” sarah asks from across the room as they all practically look at you as if you were crazy. rafe was crazy, and if he saw you alone, only god knows what he would do…

“yeah, i’m good. i think i need to be alone anyway. take a nice walk by myself” you shrug. you hadn’t really had much alone time in months, considering you had a boyfriend glued to your hip out of distrust.

“okay, well, please call us if you need us, m’kay?” sarah says, walking over to you to hug you. she’s worried for you the most, you’re her best friend and her own brother is ruining your life. “i will, promise” you smile, standing up to hug her tightly.

“love you, y/n” kiara says with a smile as you walk out the door, saying bye to them all. you blow a kiss to kie before shutting the door behind you. they all know you’re going through a tough time, so they’re trying their best to be there for you and look out for you. they all love you.

walking home now, you stroll down the dark, long road ahead, with nothing surrounding you but tall trees and dim streetlights. no people, no lit-up houses, just dark and quiet streets with people in bed.

you walk for ten more minutes before you hear a car approaching from behind you. you give it no thought though, not wanting to worry yourself. the car gets closer, as if it were going to drive straight past you, but suddenly, you hear the car slowing down and eventually stopping right next to you. you don’t want to look, but you have to.

your heart sank into your chest when you noticed rafe’s black range rover, right as the window rolled down. it was rafe. “y/n get in.” his tone demanding and angry. “no, leave me alone.” you quickly turn around, power walking away. however, he only follows you. he slowly drives, following you, speeding up and slowing down whenever you do.

“y/n just get in i wanna talk” he says out the window, resting his arm on it as he watches you, attempting to talk to you. “rafe, leave me the fuck alone.” your voice gets louder, but you’re not yelling, yet. “save yourself the hassle and get in for fuck’s sake” he says, getting more frustrated by the second.

“no” you say, not looking in his direction at all. “oh my god” he says, sighing before putting the car in park and getting out. “no, go away!” you say, attempting to run but he grabs you before you can. you thrash around in his arms before he picks you up and drags you to his car.

“put me down!” you yell at him, trying to fight him but he is much stronger than you are. he opens the passenger door, shoving you inside before quickly getting in the drivers seat and locking the doors.

“what the fuck are you d—” you scream at him before his hand roughly covers your mouth, shutting you up. “i just wanted to talk, but you always have to make it hard, don’t you?” he says, eventually letting go of your mouth and seeing a mark left over from how tight his grip was.

“i don’t want to fucking talk! you yell as he rolls the windows all the way up so nobody can hear you fussing. “i don’t care. who the fuck do you think you are?” he yells at you, making you flinch. “what?” your eyebrows furrow.

“choosing those fucking trash pogues over me. are you serious? dumping me for them?” he argues. you’ve had this argument with him plenty of times, he seems to not be able to let it go. or let you go. “rafe. i didn’t want to be your girlfriend anymore, okay? you’re abusive, you’re mean, you’re—” you say, only to be cut off by his laughter. “abusive? for wanting to protect you? for wanting the best for you? right” he squints his eyes. “wanting the best for me? are you serious? you’ve done nothing but hurt me, and hurt my friends, including your own sister, by the way!” you argue, but he scoffs and tuts, as if they were nothing.

“because i told you so many fucking times to stay away from them, didn’t i?” he screams in your face, watching as you flinch with fear. “yeah, you did, but they are my friends, rafe, sarah is my best friend and you tried to kill her? she’s your fucking sister you should love her more than you love me” you say, voice getting higher out of frustration for him. how can he be so naive and cruel?

“her? she’s no sister of mine. that bitch has always been against me” he scoffs, speaking so lowly of his own little sister. “no she hasn’t, rafe!” you try to tell him, but every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie according to his delusions.

“right, whatever.” he rolls his eyes at you and your ‘lies’, but he just doesn’t want to accept the truth. he’s the problem, he turned everyone against himself. “i love you, yeah? i never stopped” he suddenly says, looking at you.

“well i have.” you say, but hearing those words were gut wrenching to him. you crossed the line. he unexpectedly and quickly reaches over, grabbing you by the throat and squeezing his fingers.

“i never wanna hurt you, y/n. you make me do it. i want to love you, but when you’re running off with your little friends behind my back, you make it hard to trust you, yeah?” he explains in his usual manipulative tone.

“rafe…” you force out, feeling as his grip tightens, his nails basically digging into your skin. “can you let me love you like i want to? like i’ve been trying to?” he asks, watching as your face turns redder and redder.

he loves watching you struggle, it was his favorite part of having power over you. it’s like it turns him on to hurt you. “please.. stop…” you struggle to say as he just keeps begging for your love.

“y/n, let me show you how much i really love you. please?” he asks softly, looking at you with adoration as if his own hand isn’t almost causing you to lose consciousness. he was psychotic. “ok.. ok.. yeah.. just let me go” you choke, nodding your head as fast as you can. you didn’t want to agree, but you had to otherwise he wasn’t going to stop.

and who knows what he would’ve done if you had passed out? you’d dread to think. “yeah? atta’ girl. i knew you’d come to terms with me sooner or later” he says, smiling as if he didn’t force the right answer out of you. he lets go of your throat, loving the sound of you gasping for air and regaining your breath.

you wanted to hit him so bad, you wanted to insult him and call him names but most importantly, you didn’t want him to actually kill you. “let’s go somewhere private, hm?” he suggests, like you could say no. you stay silent in his passenger seat, nodding at everything he’s saying, submitting to your fear of him.

he puts the car into gear and begins driving off. he drives five minutes down the road before turning down an off road path which lead to the lake, but he stopped in the secluded path surrounded by more trees, and more darkness.

turning his engine off, he turns to face you. “do you love me?” he asks. you’re terrified to answer. you’d be lying if you said yes, but if you said no, you’d find out. “…yes” you gulp, fearing him deeply. “good girl” he smirks, smelling your fear like a dog could.

he loves it. he loves you being afraid to say something he doesn’t want to hear, that’s the first step to being the perfect girlfriend in his eyes, you always know the right answer.

he turns in his seat to face you, reaching his hand over to your thigh. he rubs it, trailing his hand up and closer to your pussy, but you shift your legs the other way to move his hand away, making him grab your thigh and moving it back to where it was.

“don’t act like you don’t want it. you just said you love me” he leans over, darkly whispering in your ear which sent shivers down your spine. “i.. i do” you lie, not wanting to send him over the edge. he smirks at your words, leaning his head down to your neck to kiss it. you don’t want his touch, but you need it.

“rafe…” you whisper, trying your best not to want it but it’s difficult when he’s kissing your neck and moving his hand up your thigh again, only this time you don’t move your legs when he gets close to your pussy. you’re wearing jeans, so you feel his hand unbuttoning them which made you nervous, but you let it happen anyway.

“what baby?” he whispers, lifting his head from your neck to look at you. “i—” you say, cut off by the feeling of his cold hand slipping into your jeans. you jump at the temperature of his skin, which made him laugh. “come on, just take it” he licks his lips, looking at yours before kissing them. you kiss him back, and eventually start making out with him.

mid kiss, his hand slips into your panties, making you hum a moan. “you like that?” he asks, rubbing circles on your clit before breaking the kiss. “mhm” you hum, but his other hand reaches behind your head and grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back. “use your words, princess” he tells you, his dark eyes staring into yours. “…yes.” you hesitate to say, but you go along with it for your own safety and his sanity.

“hmm.. good” he smirks, letting go of your hair and kissing you again before his hand slid down your pussy, to your hole. you gasp at his sudden movement, but he chuckles at you. “you’re so wet. i’m always turning you on, huh?” he says, opening his mouth and mocking your gasp.

you chuckle too, wanting him to know you’re on the same page. after seconds of his fingers teasing your hole, he slides two of them into you. you gasp, moaning as his fingers fill you up to his knuckles. “so deep..” you moan, tensing up in your seat at his touch.

but it wasn’t long before he had you stripped off and sitting on his lap with the seat pushed all the way back. “fuck” he moans at the sight of your pretty tits, his hands grabbing your ass cheeks.

“if we do this… will you leave me alone after?” you ask, terrified to say but it needed to be said. “yeah, of course, i promise” he says like it’s nothing, like he didn’t even hear those words come out of your mouth. you were expecting a different reaction, but he had a different plan.

you felt like you had to have sex with him one last time for him to be able to move on from you. or so you thought that’s how it would be. “i love you, but if i need to leave for you to be happy, then i will” he says, almost believably.

but that was a lie.

pulling his boxers off allowed his hard dick to spring out, hitting your leg. you both giggle before starting to make out again, where his hands slid from your ass cheeks to your hips, his fingers twirling the sides of your panties before pulling them down and off your feet.

“ride me, princess” he says, both of your warm areas touching. you nod, lifting yourself up and positioning yourself above his cock before his hands roughly gripped your waist, pulling you to sit down on it.

you let out a loud moan of pain and pleasure. “fuuuck” he drags, closing his eyes as he pulled you up and down, choosing the speed and roughness for you. your moans cried out, you didn’t know if it hurt or felt good more.

“i missed you so much. i missed this pussy” he tells you, his hands roaming your naked back as his dick harshly thrusts up into you. “i missed you” you say, knowing you didn’t mean a single word. your horniness and desire to please him took over.

“you’re mine, baby” he tells you, his fingernails digging into your hips, making you cry out. he was so good at pleasing your pussy that you ruled out the pain he caused. “…always” you say, starting to question whether or not he was being honest about leaving you alone.

his pace is rough, he’s fucking you so harshly that you don’t think he’s ever gone this hard on you before. it hurts, but it hurts so good. “ow.. fuck.. rafe” you moan loudly like a porn star. “that’s it, baby” he says, feeling closer and closer to coming each time he thrust up into you.

your legs start to burn and ache, and he can tell by how much your legs are shaking. so he pulls you off of him, and guides you into the back seats where he climbs over after you.

he lays you down on your back, spreading your bodies over the three seats. he positions his cock near your pussy again, before sliding in with no warning. you moan, wrapping your arms around his back and gripping his shoulders. “fuckkk” he moans in your ear, making you much wetter. no matter how much you hate rafe cameron, his moans were your weakness.

the rougher and meaner he got, the more aroused he was. it wasn’t long before he started choking you, and slapping you around. it’s what he does during sex. he loves the power, he loves the dominance he has over you. you allowed it, though, because this was the last time. right?..

minutes later, you you felt him speeding up and becoming more tense, which meant he was gonna finish any second now. you, however, weren’t even close to finishing. it did feel good, but it didn’t change your feelings for him. you can’t come over somebody you hate so much.

“fuck baby.. ‘m gonna cum…” he says, twitching his dick as he empties his load into you. you moan at the feeling of his warm cum filling you up and leaking out after. he slowly pulls out, smirking knowing he’s hiding a huge secret from you.

he snuck into your house a few days ago while you were out with the pogues, and swapped your birth control pills for fake ones. but you had no idea…

it wasn’t until two weeks later when you were throwing up in your toilet, and crying your eyes out when you realized you’d missed your period. “fuck” you say, grabbing an emergency pregnancy test from the cabinet above the sink. you had them hidden in there just in case.

you take the pregnancy test, pacing around your bathroom for five minutes straight, waiting for the results. boom. the alarm you’d set on your phone goes off, five minutes is up. you switch the alarm off and gulp, slowly reaching for the pregnancy test. you pick it up, and gasp when you read the answer.

POSITIVE.

what the fuck are you supposed to do now?…

NOT PROOFREAD. probably some mistakes, but my FIRST smut writing?!?!😩😩 plssssss lmk what y’all think! <333

@cameronluvr

[likeumeanit9497]

metal | m.s. |

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summary: y/n got a few new piercings, and when her best friend matt asks to see them, she can't say no

warnings: smut; unprotected p in v (bad); oral (fem receiving); masturbation (m/f); phone sex; dirty talk; 18+

notes: hiii guys. i feel like tumblr's flakiest writer ever coming back on here every few weeks with a one-shot and telling u all im gonna be more consistent but then just not being consistent at all. i just started a new college program and it is taking up so (!!!!) much of my time, so ive been barely able to put any time towards writing for funsies. soooo it might take me a couple weeks to put out one shots (sad) while im in this program, but i swear im doing the best i can. i appreciate u all so so so so much, but matt girls this one is for u <33

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

With a sigh of relief, I crawled into bed. It was late, and I was exhausted after a long day of dealing with family shit. The only thing that got me through my day listening to my dead-beat father come up with yet another excuse on why he no-showed at my birthday dinner was the promise that, at the end of the day, I would be able to curl up in bed and forget all of my problems. Now that time had come, and I couldn’t wait to turn on some trashy reality TV show and lose myself in their cushioned world for a little while.

Just as I started the show, I felt my phone vibrate beside me. For just a moment I was filled with dread — thinking that I would be once again pulled back into the drama that was my father — but once I saw the name at the top of my screen, I felt my body relax. Matt was calling.

Matt was my best friend, and he had been for years. Him and I met on the first day of school freshman year, and immediately became inseparable. He was the only person in my life who I ever felt comfortable around enough to truly open up to about my problems. There really wasn’t much in my life that he didn’t know, so of course I had told him last night that I was going to see my father, and of course that was why he was calling. Annoyingly, I felt a smile creep up on my face. I hated that I loved how involved he got with my problems; as if they were his own. I would never admit this to anyone, but it really helped because it made me feel less alone.

“Hey you.” I greeted him after accepting the call. “Hey Y/n.” His voice sounded familiar in my ear, and already it calmed the sea of bad thoughts crashing in my mind. “How did today go?” He asked, keeping his tone light. I knew though that if I could see his face, there would be faint lines of concern etched in his forehead. I sighed. “Exactly like I knew it would. He gave me an insincere apology and weak excuse the way he always does.” Matt stayed silent on the other side of the call, allowing me the time to tell him as much as I wanted. His soft breathing through the speaker, however, comforted me and let me know that he was listening.

“He smelled like a distillery and couldn’t stop slurring his words, yet he was still trying to tell me that he hadn’t drank all week.” I heard my voice weaken, and I hated that I felt a lump forming in my throat over the situation. I hated that I cared, and I definitely didn’t want anyone to know that I did; even Matt. But of course, he knew anyways. I heard an empathetic sigh through the phone. “I’m sorry, Y/n.” I rolled my eyes, doing everything I could to keep the tears from falling. “It’s whatever. It’s not like I’m really losing much, but I did tell him that I’m done for good.” I forced my words to come out smooth, like I didn’t care. And I didn’t, not really.

“That must have been really hard, Y/n. I’m really sorry.” Matt’s words were sincere, and they caused the lump in my throat to grow even bigger. I forced out a laugh to keep my other emotions at bay. “Don’t be sorry. It’s better this way. Maybe now I can finally have peace in my crazy life.” There was silence on the line, and I knew it was because Matt wanted me to go deeper about my feelings, but I couldn’t handle much more tonight.

“Anyways,” I started, blinking away my tears and plastering a corny smile on my face as if Matt could even see it, “How have you been? We haven’t talked much over the past week.” At the change of subject, Matt picked up on my disinterest in the topic of my father, and like the best friend he is, transitioned into our new topic smoothly. “I’ve been good, been working a lot but it’s been on exciting things. What have you been up to? You know, besides today?” I chuckled softly.

“Honestly not much besides work. My boss has been really stressed out since the end of last quarter so I’ve been coming into the office early and staying well past five every day.” I paused, staring up at my ceiling trying to think if there was anything exciting I could tell Matt. Suddenly, I remembered that there actually was something that I had done that was more interesting than just working late all week. “Oh! I also got some new piercings last week.” It was Matt’s turn to chuckle.

“Y/n, how the fuck did you fit more piercings on your body?” I laughed. He was right, both of my ears were filled with every piercing imaginable, and I also had my nose, tongue, and belly button pierced. I had already told him that I would never get anymore facial piercings, and I certainly didn’t have much room on my ears to get more, so I understood his confusion entirely. “Do you want to guess where they are?” I teased, feeling relieved to have something to talk about that didn’t make be absolutely miserable for once. “Sure,” I heard what sounded like a blanket rubbing against the speaker, and I assumed that Matt was now getting comfortable in bed, also seemingly enjoying the light-hearted conversation, “But can I get some hints?”

“Sure,” I replied, “You can ask me three questions.” I heard him smile through the phone. “Okay…” There was a pause as he came up with his first question. “How many did you get?” Without hesitation, I was able to respond. “I got three.” There was another pause, and then. “Are two of them a part of a pair?” I laughed at Matt’s not-so-subtle guess. I had told him months ago that I had been wanting to get a certain pair of piercings for a while, and I knew he was thinking of that exact conversation. “Yes they are.” I replied, and there was a dramatic gasp on the line. “Ouch, you actually got your nipples pierced?” His voice was laced with playful concern, and something else. Intrigue?

“Okay okay, you got two out of the three. One more question left.” I encouraged him. If he was shocked about my nipple piercings, I couldn’t wait to hear his reaction to the third. He was silent again for a moment, surely confused by the third piercing. Nipple piercings weren’t that outlandish for me, and he knew that, but this last one is sure to blow his mind. “Oh god, I don’t know. Is it another body piercing?” His tone sounded so helpless, and I knew he really didn’t have a clue. “It is, yes.” I did my best to contain my laughter at this point, not wanting to give it away.

“Is it a second belly button piercing?” The guess was weak, and by the tone of his voice he knew it. “Nope.” I replied, biting my nails in anticipation. He was once again silent on the phone, and I knew he was officially running out of ideas. After a moment, I decided to give him one last hint. “Think lower.”

A new silence poured from the phone. Before, there was the silence of deep thought. Now, there was a heavier silence that let me know he finally put it together in his head. Below your belly button, there aren’t many places you can get pierced. He knew that just as much as I did. But I didn’t know if his silence meant he was just shocked, or if he was genuinely disappointed in me. For the first time since becoming friends with Matt, I felt nervous that maybe I had gone too far.

“You’re serious?” He asked, finally breaking his silence, and I couldn’t help but release a short, nervous laugh. “Yeah. Why? Did I just delve too far into the daddy-issues stereotype?” I tried to keep my tone humorous, but inside I was actually worried that was true. Did he think I was weird now? Or did the fact that I had a piece of metal pierced atop my bundle of nerves immediately turn me into some dirty whore in his eyes?

“No! Jesus, no Y/n.” His rushed words put a pause on my spiralling thoughts, and I felt myself relax slightly. “It’s just,” In that moment, I wished that I could see his face. At least then I would have better odds of being able to read him instead of just waiting helplessly on the other side of the phone. He was struggling to find the words he wanted to say, and in my mind that meant he was getting ready to give me some sort of lecture. It wasn’t something that he was in the habit of doing, but I had also never done anything as shocking as this before. I began to prepare myself for this lecture, and come up with explanations and excuses for what I had done, when his hesitant words stopped me in my tracks.

“Can I see them?”

I stared at my phone for a second, unsure if I was just hearing things. “You want to see them?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking, for clarification’s sake. I was shocked. Even with how close Matt and I are, we had never ever seen each other naked. In fact, there had been no physical intimacy between us other than platonic cuddles every once in a while. I would be lying, though, if I denied ever having moments of weakness. There had been times, when we would have sleepovers after tough days and the heat of Matt’s comforting body pressed against me, where I had wanted to throw all logic aside and press my lips to his. But I never would have done it. Matt wasn’t exactly known for his boldness, and I feared that my bad habit of being spontaneous would absolutely destroy our friendship. But now, he had me questioning all of that.

“I’m curious.” He replied, his tone nonchalant. I still couldn’t tell if he was being serious, and I felt like a deer in headlights. Just as I was about to tell him to stop fucking around, my screen lit up with a Facetime call from Matt. My stomach did a flip. “You gonna pick up?” His voice made me jump, but I cleared my throat and hit accept.

Suddenly, Matt’s face filled my screen. He was in his bed, the only light in his room seeming to come from a faint source; likely his computer screen. His face was so familiar, and the smile he sent me so comforting, that I immediately felt more at ease than I felt before. “Hey.” He said gently, and I laughed at the ridiculousness of this moment. “Hey” I replied before shifting my position in bed nervously. “So you were serious?” I asked awkwardly, and he nodded. “If you’re okay with it, obviously.” I took a deep breath. I was okay with it, of course, but it was just so out of the norm for us that I felt shell shocked.

“I’ll show you nipples first.” I said, sitting up in my bed before grabbing the bottom hem of my oversized t-shirt. I positioned my phone in front of my still-clothed chest, and watched his face on the screen. He laid naturally in bed, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary, but the way his dilated blue eyes were glued to the screen I could tell that he was feeling the same kind of anticipation that I was. Slowly, I finally lifted my shirt up over my chest; allowing him a full view of my new piercings.

I intentionally left the shirt up to block my own vision, because I couldn’t handle watching him stare at my tits for the first time. In the dark, all I heard was silence for what felt like forever, and I got worried that I had somehow lost him. Cautiously, I pulled my t-shirt away from my eyes, and glanced at him on the screen. He was staring intently; I could see his eyes move from one tit to the other every few seconds, and there was a slight grin across his face. “Wow.” He said finally, still taking them in. “Those are sick piercings.” I stifled a laugh at the fact that he was still trying to act like it was all just about the piercings, and that there weren’t two tits attached to the metal. “Thanks.” I replied, a small chuckle still evident in my voice.

I allowed him a few more seconds of shameless staring before speaking again. “You ready for the third?” I watched as he blinked a few times and took a deep breath. “I can’t wait.” He replied, causing my stomach to do another flip. I brought the phone back up to my face as I laid back down, smiling at him nervously as I pulled my comforter off my lower body. I was only wearing a pair of panties, so I already felt shy when I positioned my phone in between my legs. I used the front camera still, hoping that it would allow him a better view, but hated that you could still see the lower part of my face.

Matt hadn’t moved in his bed since I looked at him last. In fact, it almost looked like his image was frozen. His eyes were still glued to the screen, and he seemed to be barely blinking; as if he was scared that if he did, he would miss it entirely. “Okay, ready?” I asked, using the hand that wasn’t holding the phone steady to grab onto the side of my panties. Even in the almost-dark of his room, I could see him gulp before nodding his head. “Ready.” He replied.

Slowly, I hooked a finger under my panties, and pulled them to the side. In the blink of an eye, all of me had been revealed to Matt through a screen inches away from my core. My eyes veered back and forth from myself in the phone and Matt’s expression. I could see the shiny metal glitter against my pink clit, and watched as Matt visibly struggled to keep his composure. Neither of us spoke for a moment, and I felt myself begin to tremble under his shameless stare. I grew nervous, then, that my body would begin to give away how suddenly aroused I became under his eyes. My core was flooding with heat, and I knew that I was beginning to grow slick with my wetness.

“Does it hurt?” He finally spoke, but his voice had changed drastically since I had last heard it. It had dropped nearly a whole octave, and there was a sort of breathlessness to it that was foreign to me. It was the voice of arousal, and that knowledge was enough to drive me crazy. “N-no, it doesn’t,” I replied, using all the strength in me to not squeeze my legs together to relieve some of the pressure flooding my core. “It’s been a week, and these sorts of piercings heal really quick surprisingly. I can touch it and everything.” My last sentence fell from my mouth thoughtlessly, and I immediately felt my cheeks grow hot at my accidental boldness. That didn’t last long, though, because Matt’s next words pulled all that heat right back to where it was before.

“So touch it then.”

It was like all the sense was knocked out of me from his words. I would have thought that my instinct would have been to laugh and roll my eyes before telling Matt to knock it off, but the seriousness of his tone, the sharp blue of his piercing eyes, and gruffness of his voice caused my brain to shut off. Immediately, my hand traveled to my bud, where I began to slowly play with the metal. Although I had been telling the truth when I told Matt that it was fully healed, I hadn’t yet touched myself in this way since getting it pierced, and the new sensation immediately sent pleasurable shock waves through my body. As I began to slowly rub my clit, the metal added a new level of pressure to the nerves that — combined with the adrenaline that came from doing this in front of my best friend for the first time — caused me to throw my head back against my pillows.

“Tell me how it feels.” Matt’s deep voice filled the space around me in a way that made me feel even more erotic, and I released a soft moan. “I-It feels good.” I replied breathlessly, my fingers beginning to move quicker as I squeezed my eyes shut in pleasure. “Better than before?” His question came out slightly choppy, and through the phone speaker I heard the rhythmic shuffling of his comforter. “Y-yes. Much better.” I managed to reply, the thought of what he was doing to himself on the other side of the screen pushing me closer to the edge.

“Look at me.” He commanded, and without hesitation I lifted my head up; looking at him through the screen. He could only see the lower half of my face, but I could see all of his. As I continued toying with myself, I watched him through fluttering eyelashes. Although his face had not changed much — besides the darkening of his pupils and the faint accumulation of sweat on his brow — the repetitive movement of his bicep at the corner of the screen told me everything that I needed to know. “You look so good.” He complimented me, his voice low and gravelly. I moaned in response, rolling my hips slowly as I began to grow antsy with a need that I knew I couldn’t fulfill myself.

The pleasure was growing like a balloon deep inside of me, but my own fingers weren’t enough to reach it. Not now; not when I have a beautiful man that I trust more than anyone else watching me with that dangerously erotic gaze. Just like Matt knows everything about me, I know everything about him. And so I know that, in this moment, he wants the same thing that I do. That’s why I didn’t feel any unease or hesitation when I drew my fingers away from my clit, ran them achingly slow along the rest of my heat, and spoke.

“Please come over Matt.”

It was a request that I had made to him countless times. Those times I was usually close to tears after a long day of dealing with the shitty cards I had been handed in the family department. I needed him then, like I need him now. In those times he never ever hesitated, and this time was no different. In one swift motion, I watched through the screen as Matt lifted himself out of his bed, threw on a t-shirt, and grabbed his keys off the bedside table. “I’ll be there in ten.” Just like my request, his response was the same as always. As I told him to drive safe before hanging up the call, I felt my body vibrate in a way it never had before. I pulled my hand out of my panties and waited in desperate anticipation for the familiar sound of his car pulling into my driveway.

𓆩☆𓆪

Matt arrived at my place in eight minutes, and as soon as I saw his headlights through my window, I sprung out of bed and raced to the door. There was no nervousness, no reluctancy, no questioning whether or not we were making a big mistake; all I knew was that I needed his hands on my burning skin desperately.

I flung the door open before he even had a chance to knock, but Matt didn’t hesitate before pulling me into him and engulfing my mouth with his own. Although we had never kissed before, it wasn’t shock that I felt in that moment; it was the melting satisfaction of familiarity. I practically collapsed in his arms as his mouth moved against mine as if they were two pieces of a puzzle, and relished in the feeling of his hands travelling wildly across my aching body at last.

As he held me gently against the wall, I felt his hardened member press against my core, and I shuddered in pleasurable frustration. In that moment, I could have lost all self control — pulled his pants and boxers down in one movement and slipped his cock into my aching core right then and there — if he hadn’t grabbed onto my ass and lifted me off of the ground. Without removing his lips from mine, he carried me past my entrance way and all the way into my dark bedroom as if he had memorized every square inch of my place.

As he continued to kiss me with hungry desire, he paradoxically draped my body gently against my bed. Leaning over me, his mouth refused to leave mine and his tongue begged me for entrance. I obliged, and our tongues swirled together with comfort; as if they were old friends. The sound of our heavy breathing filled my head, and I ran my hands along his body; allowing myself to feel him in a way I never had before. Each part of him felt familiar — his back, his arms, his stomach — but each new part of him I touched set off sparks of electricity under my fingertips. This was real, and this was good.

It was only after I began toying with the waistband of his pants, and he the hem of my shirt, that our lips separated and we really looked at each other since the moment he arrived. Both of our chests were heaving as we tried to catch our breath, and I gazed up at his darkened eyes for what felt like forever, until a soft smile crept onto his swollen lips. “Hi.” He said, and I released a short laugh realizing that this was the first word either one of us had said to the other since hanging up the Facetime call. “Hey.” I replied, a smile matching his now etched onto my face.

“Can I take this off?” He tugged on the bottom of my t-shirt, and I nodded. “Please.” I replied, feeling no shame in my clear desperation. Matt obliged, pulling the shirt up over my head and exposing the tits he had seen on Facetime not long before. There was a pause, and for the first time since we started all this I felt briefly insecure. That is, until I looked up to his face and saw his jaw physically dropped in awe. He looked like he had fallen into some sort of trance, and mindlessly brought his two gentle hands toward my hardened, pierced nipples. He ran a soft thumb against each piercing, and I hissed at the deliciously taunting sensation.

“Do these ones hurt at all?” His voice was soft, almost a whisper, but his eyes never left my chest. “These ones do a little, yeah.” I replied, to which his eyes finally fluttered up to my face with slight concern. “But it’s really not that bad.” I added, reassuring him out of fear that he might suddenly not want to continue. This seemed to help, as his eyes made their way back to my chest before his body suddenly began tilting forward. He leaned above my chest, really only centimetres away, and I watched as he placed two small, unbelievably gentle kisses against each hardened nipple. The ecstasy I felt in that moment caused me to release a soft moan, and goosebumps spread across my skin like wildfire, and I suddenly realized that I needed him more than ever.

As if reading my mind, his mouth then began moving slowly down my writhing body. He took his time on my sternum, then the skin below my belly button, then my hip bones, and I felt like I could explode. My hands flew to his hair and I subconsciously tugged at its base in decadent frustration. And then slowly, so, so, slowly, Matt began dragging my soaked panties down my legs. I felt like I could crumble under his gaze, but his eyes never left my newly exposed core. Blinking ever so slowly, he dropped to his knees and grabbed my shaky legs to part them. Once he did, I watched as he groaned softly at what he saw.

I knew without having to look that I was literally dripping from arousal, and that hunch was confirmed when Matt took one finger and dragged it along my slit; collecting the overabundance of fluid. He didn’t even take his eyes off of my centre, he just brought his wet finger to his mouth and wrapped his lips around it; so transfixed by what he saw in front of him that he didn’t even care to make a scene of tasting me for the first time. I had never felt more glorious than I did in that moment, and it was so overwhelming that I could have came just from sight alone.

Slowly, Matt’s mouth inched closer and closer to my clit, before he carefully wrapped his lips around it. Upon the first contact of his warm tongue playing with the cool metal of my piercing, I was hit with a powerful wave of pleasure that shook my whole body. As he picked up speed, swirling and sucking my bundle of nerves, I couldn’t control the sounds that fell from my lips. Moans of pleasure, pain, and anticipation filled the room, and they only seemed to draw similar ones from Matt.

Matt slid two fingers into me with ease, and began pumping them in and out in rhythm with the movements of his tongue. His fingers were curled up to just the place I needed them to be, and I felt what was left of my sanity begin to crumble as I approached an orgasm. The orgasm that I had been desperately needing since our Facetime call. It’s impending presence had taken control of my mind for what felt like forever, and now it was finally threatening to take control of my entire body. Yet, still, I needed more.

Quickly, before the first waves could crash, I pulled Matt’s face away. Immediately, his blissed-out expression quickly changed to one of concern, but before he had the chance to speak, my desperate voice filled the room. “Please Matt, I want to cum with you.” His features softened before understanding flashed in his eyes. Without saying a word, he stood up and began unzipping his pants. I waited in anticipation, watching with hungry eyes as his painfully hard member sprung free from his boxers. Once he had fully discarded his clothes, he leaned down and kissed me so deeply that I saw stars. His mouth tasted like me, and I couldn’t help but slip my tongue past his lips; intoxicated by the combination of me and him on my tastebuds.

I felt his naked member press against my core and I shuddered from pure lust. I was so engulfed in the intensity that I was afraid I would fall into pieces as soon as he slid into me. Breaking the kiss, Matt straightened himself out and grabbed my legs before placing them on either side of his waist. The two pieces of us that needed each other the most right now were just inches from one another. My eyes fell between my legs, and I watched in euphoric awe as Matt grabbed his swollen member, lined it up with my centre, and slowly pushed into me. His movements were so torturously, deliciously slow, my eyes rolled and my head fell back onto the mattress.

On each slow roll of his hips, his cock slammed into my g-spot and made my vision go spotty. I held onto his flexed shoulders like I was drowning and they were my life raft, and I released harsh guttural moans each time my walls stretched; welcoming him graciously. “Fuck, you feel so good.” Matt’s raspy voice fluttered my stomach, and I opened my eyes to come face-to-face with him. He was staring down at my contorted face with a look filled with nothing but pleasure and adoration. His flushed cheeks and dark pink lips gave him a look that bordered on innocent, but there was a certain hint of hard focus in the depths of his ocean eyes that told me he was feeling as good as I was.

Each time he thrusted into me, the soft crest of his pelvis brushed ever so lightly against my new piercing; granting me a new form of pleasure that I had never experienced before. I had been told by other people that the piercing can be intense during sex, but I had underestimated just how intense it would be. I had no sense of control as Matt’s cock continued to drive into me, and I couldn’t help but vocalize how he was making me feel.

“J-just like that Matt, fuck!”

“Your c-cock fills me s-so go-od!”

“H-harder, please baby!”

At my last statement, Matt showed he was listening by suddenly slamming into me harder and faster than I had ever felt before. He grabbed my legs and wrapped them tightly around his waist, and as I arched my back in pleasure he draped one of his arms around it and used the other to hold my jaw; brushing it lightly with his thumb to ensure me that his gentleness had not completely disappeared. His breathing quickly grew more and more rapid, and deep grunts fell from his mouth every few seconds.

I was hit with shockwaves of pleasure upon each of his thrusts, and I knew that my orgasm was closer than ever. I dug my nails into his back and tightened my legs around him in a desperate and subconscious attempt at getting as close as possible to him, and it was clear that there was no stopping the orgasm that was bubbling inside of me. “G-gonna cum Matt.” I squeaked out, rolling my hips up slightly deepen his thrusts even more. “Good girl, want me to cum with you?” His words were in my ear, and even the dampness that his mouth made against my skin added to my unraveling euphoria. Beyond the point of being able to speak correctly, I simply nodded my head frantically.

As I did, Matt released the deep moan that pushed me over the edge. My orgasm took control of every cell in my body, and I cried out in overwhelming pleasure as it tore me to shreds. I felt my body stiffen so much that I was practically lifting off of the bed, and my walls pulsed intensely as I squirted violently all over Matt. Just then, I felt Matt’s body stiffen above me, and his movements became a whisper as he cursed into my ear. “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.” His moans rang in my ear with each of his weak thrusts, and I felt his twitching cock paint my walls white as he came undone in unison with me.

Eventually, his body stilled completely, and he rested above me as we both caught our breaths and came down from our highs. His cock slipped out of me, and I immediately felt cold and empty in its absence. After a few moments, Matt lifted his head from my shoulder and gazed at me with a soft smile on his face.

“Damn.”

“I know.”

”I mean, that was-”

“I know.”

We continued to stare at each other, both with matching smiles on our faces, until I dissolved into childish giggles.

“What?” Matt asked, unable to keep himself from laughing as well. “What?” He asked again, nudging my shoulder gently as I giggled. “I mean come on,” I continued to laugh, “That was crazy. Don’t you think it was crazy?” I looked at him, starting to feel the first hints of regret now that it was over and we had to go back to being friends. “I don’t think it was crazy.” He replied simply, before bringing his lips back to mine. This kiss was different than the other ones we shared tonight, though. There was no hunger, no lust. There was just love.

He pulled away after only a few moments, and I looked back at him with what I was sure was confusion all over my face. “I have never felt less crazy in my life than I’ve felt tonight.” Matt continued, and I felt my stomach flutter, “Tonight, everything finally feels right.” I felt a bashful smile form on my lips. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel the exact same way. “So,” I started, unsure of how to maneuver this, “What now?” Matt got up.

“Well,” He began, grabbing his discarded t-shirt and using it to gently clean me up, “It’s late and you’ve had a long day, so I think we should get some sleep.” I propped myself up on my shoulders and watched as he began to clean himself next. “And then when we wake up tomorrow, we’ll go get some breakfast and talk about what we both want.” He walked into my adjacent bathroom and started the shower, the way he has done a thousand times before, before walking back to where I was and helping me off the bed.

Once I was on my feet, he placed another gentle kiss against my lips, and I felt my insides melt at the comfort of his touch. “But if I’m being completely honest, which you know I always am, I think we both already know we want the same thing.” I looked up at him through nervous eyelashes, and had to chew my bottom lip to stifle the massive smile that was threatening to take over my mouth. Matt had no problem showing his huge smile, and he tilted his head quizzically in my silence. “Am I right?” He asked, and instead of responding with words, I leaned up and placed a kiss of my own on his lips.

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

[specshroom]

★ - Some assistance

You and your boyfriend are lounging on the couch in the living room, winding down after a long day. He's drinking his evening tea and reading while you unsuccessfully distract yourself by flicking through channels on the TV. You decide to just come out and ask what you've been meaning to ask for awhile now.

"Kento? Do you think you could make me squirt?"

This poor man chokes on his tea and almost messes it on his home shirt. He just looks at you with a face that says "Why would you ask me something like that so suddenly?" You just look at him deadpan waiting for his response. He clears his throat and composes himself, realising it was a somewhat serious question and his girlfriend (soon to be fiancé, hopefully) wasn't just playing some dumb joke. 

"Well... I'm sure I could try, Y/n. But why bring that up so out of the blue, if you mind me asking."

He responds, as polite as always. He makes you feel so safe in his presence it's almost supernatural.

"Uh... I've just been thinking about it for awhile, I guess." He places his mug on the coffee table, the one that says "Live, Laugh, Love" in exaggerated curly font, courtesy of Gojo. He doesn't know why you insist on making his tea in that mug but he drinks it every time anyway. He brings your legs into his lap and lightly massages them silently asking you to continue. 

"I'm just curious to see if I can is all. Whenever I've tried to do it myself, I always just get too sensitive and stop, but... If I had someone else do it, I think I might actually be able to."

You explain this to him almost like a scientist explains their hypothesis, like you've thought about it for awhile. He rubs under your shins and thinks for a bit. he would very much like to be the one to make you squirt and he's confident in his abilities but he also doesn't want you to be upset if you end up not being able to do it.

"I also just think it would be really hot if you made me squirt." 

That breaks him out of his thoughts with a disbelieving huff. 

"The problem is that when I get sensitive I'm gonna be yelling for you to stop out of second nature. But you can't stop Kento, you have to keep going until I either squirt or say the safe word. Can you do that, Baby?" Nanami looks up at your serious face, you really have thought about this quite a bit. He nods his head, sealing the deal. You just stare at eachother for a moment longer, the TV still going in the back. You break out in a smile, unable to keep the semi-serious atmosphere. 

"Can- can we do it now?" You ask the man on the opposite end of the couch while you try and stifle a giggle. 

Nanami smiles and pulls you closer to him by your legs. You yelp as you get yanked into his lap where he attacks your neck with kisses. He hoists you up and starts walking to the bedroom. Once he sets you onto your shared bed, you start removing your shirt and shorts while he rummages in the cupboard for a towel that he puts down on the bed before undressing himself.

You're almost shaking with excitement and anticipation. Nanami sits against the headboard in nothing but his boxers, placing the towel on the bed in front of him. He watches as you turn to him with that sultry look in your eyes. You crawl your way up the bed on all fours until you're right between his muscular thighs. Your hands glide up his thighs and waist, you kiss him with need and he reciprocates. You break the connection to feel yourself up infront of him and sensually take off your bra. You present yourself to him and kiss him again before turning around and pressing your back to his chest. 

His hands go to your waist to gently squeeze and rub there. You spare no flare when taking off your panties and you adjust yourself so that both your legs are wide open, slightly bent and his stronger ones are over yours, forcing them to stay open.

"Put your legs like this so that it stops me from closing mine when it gets too sensitive." 

You say as you help him into the position you want. Nanami chuckles and bends down to say lowly into your ear.

"You really have thought this whole thing through, huh?" 

You flush and nod your head as his hand moves down your body to where you want him the most. His touch is gentle at first, lightly stroking down your clit and lips, gathering wetness with his fingers. He starts to work his finger into you and gently rubs your clit with the other hand, coaxing you to melt into his touch. You start moaning and groaning with the pleasure your wonderful boyfriend is giving you. 

With both his hands working on your pussy so diligently, it's no wonder your first orgasm washes over you pretty quickly. Nanami keeps going at the same steady pace after you cum and it's the first out of the ordinary occurrence in this session. You usually would get a grace period after you cum to come down from the high but you and Nanami have a goal. The fact that you get no chance to come down at all is fucking with your brain and the fucked out feeling is just multiplying every second his strong hands play with your pussy. 

Nanami lays back a bit, forcing you to also lay back and expose yourself a bit more as you begin to writhe and squirm. One hand is still diligently circling your clit as he works his two middle fingers into you, slamming into that perfect spot inside you over and over and over again. You get louder and more frantic as the second orgasm hits you. Your head falls back on Nanamis chest as you groan his name. 

"Uuuuh Fuck! Feels so good Kento, soo good, so good, s' good, s' good, s' gud." You mumble and moan to him. Your second orgasm hits you full force and the pleasure doesn't stop or slow down, in fact it only gets more intense. He doesn't even slow down despite you're kicking legs and bucking hips.

Nanami eventually brings you to a third orgasm, now things really start to feel sensitive and your whines and cries of overstimulation get louder but the man doesn't tire. He keeps going, mumbling things like "Cmon, cmon Love." And "You can do it Darling". 

Before you know it the fourth wave hits you like a train, this is where you get frantically desperate as you realize he isnt even slowing down. You're now actively trying to get out of his iron hold, trying to close your legs just a little but his strong thighs keep you open for him. You're squirming and struggling and crying out.

"Wait wait wait wait!".

Your pussy is so raw and sensitive, you almost beg him to slow down but the man is going even stronger now. He's more precise with his movements, touching all the right spots with just the right amount of force to make you weep. 

"Wait Ken! It's sensitive, stoooop stopstopstop!" You hands go to his to try and make him slow down a little but Nanami isn't having any of that. You set out a goal for yourself and clear rules. He is going to make sure you reach your goals like the good partner he is.

He cages your arms against your chest with one arm hugged around you while the other still goes at your clit, rubbing frantic but deliberate circles into the pink flesh with his callous palm. The wet slick sounds of your pussy being bullied by the man you love are drowned out by the sounds coming from your mouth.

You're screaming now, legs shaking and kicking, not nearly strong enough to budge against Nanami's thick thighs forcing them wide open. Your entire body begins convulsing and spasming, you swear you feel like you're going to pee but you don't even have the mind to be concerned about that. You can only scream an intelligible jumble of pleas at this point as your nails dig into his arm. 

"Cmon Honey, just one more f'me, your doing so well."

The praise makes you go even dumber as you're quickly brought to the end of your rope. The last strand snaps and a tidel wave of violent hot pleasure comes crashing down on your entire being. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, your screams turn to silent hiccups and overwhelmed chokes.

Your body convulses violently and your back arches off Nanamis chest as he holds you tightly to his chest. It's by far the most intense orgasm of your life and you don't even register the jet of clear liquid shooting out from you untill you hear Nanamis loud groan at the sight.

"There you go, that's my girl."

You're brought back to earth and let out a long groan as Nanami presses up on the hood of your clit to force more squirt out of you, the feeling is even more euphoric than you thought it could ever be. 

Nanami pats your pussy, making sure he gets every last drop out as your wetness trickles down your pussy and ass onto the towel Nanami set down, which was definitely not enough to keep the bed dry. You drop your body completely limp onto Nanamis chest as you both catch your breath.

Nanami releases your arms and your hand immediately goes to cup your swollen, abused pussy with a whine. Nanami chuckles and runs his hands down your back and around your waist, soothing you, bringing you down gently while mumbling little praises. You curl up on top of him and dig your face into his neck with another small whine. 

"Love you s'much." You mumble into his hot skin. He chuckles at you once again. 

"I love you too, Baby."

-★

[jenniferjareauwife]

On Repeat

pairing: jennifer jareau x cowgirl fem reader

category: hurt/comfort

warnings: rape

word count: 1063

summary: it's around the anniversary of when you were raped but you haven't told jj so she keeps trying to initiate sex but you're not in the mood

JJ's hand rode a bit higher up my thigh, caressing it teasingly as she bit her lip. I was watching tv but her eyes were only on me. "Look at me baby." She demanded in a low voice.

"I'm not in the mood Jayje." I mumbled, putting her hand on my knee instead of my upper thigh. She sighed and squeezed my knee. I could tell she wanted to say something but was holding back. "What is it?"

"Did I do something?" Her voice was small. I furrowed my brows.

"What do you mean?"

"I've tried to initiate sex probably a thousand times the last few weeks and you've turned me down every time. It's ok if you don't want to have sex but you've never turned me down this many times before. So...did I do something to make you mad? Or uncomfortable?"

"No you didn't do anything." I huffed and got up to get some water. I didn't realize she had noticed I was turning sex down so much and I didn't realize she was thinking it was because of her.

"Then what is it baby?" She got off my couch and walked over to me, hugging me from behind. "We see each other two days a week...and I love having sex with you. I'm not gonna force you to do anything you don't want to do. It's ok if you don't want to have sex that's completely fine...I just want to know what's wrong."

"Nothings wrong JJ, ok?" I gripped my glass tightly.

"Ok...ok I'll stop pushing. But if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here." I nodded and went to my room for some alone time, crying into my pillow so quietly she couldn't hear.

When I went to DC the next weekend to see her she tried to initiate sex again. I didn't have the heart to tell her no, especially after I realized that she thought it was her fault. So I gave in and the next thing I knew I was naked on her bed. She kissed down my neck lovingly while I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to suppress memories I had tried so hard to forget. "You're so fucking beautiful baby." She moaned against my neck. "I can't wait to make you feel good. Get up. I wanna hit it from the back." My heart dropped but I did it anyways. I rolled over onto my stomach and she lifted my hips so my ass was in the air. This was the exact position I was in when it happened. I tried to tell myself it was JJ. It wasn't him, it was my beautiful, loving girlfriend who would never do anything to hurt me.

No matter what I told myself my brain kept spiraling. My mouth was dry and the memories were playing on repeat. I felt her like herself up and I froze, my whole body just stopped working. Suddenly I was the 19 year old girl again who got raped in the back of a bar. "Hey...hey baby." I felt JJ's hand on the small of my back. I didn't feel the tip of the strap anymore. Did she realize something was wrong? "Hey hey hey baby talk to me." I tried to speak but my voice caught in my throat. "It's ok. Can you get onto your back for me?" I did as she said very slowly. It was taking so much brainpower just to move my limbs. "Good girl."

"JJ." I was able to say her name.

"Yeah baby? What is it?" She reached out to touch my face and I gave her a small nod, telling her she could.

"I can't...I can't do it I'm sorry. I thought I could but I can't." I sniffled, my bottom lip quivering.

"That's ok my love. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do." She caressed my cheek gently, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. "And I know you might not want to talk about it right now but I need to know what happened. What made you react this way?" My lip trembled at the thought of telling her. Would she even look at me the same way? She looked at me with soft, loving eyes and it took me everything in me not to break down.

"I-I when I was 19..." I trailed off, avoiding eye contact. I wasn't going to be able to do it if I was looking at her.

"Would it be better if you couldn't see me?" JJ asked softly. I nodded so she got behind me. "Is it ok if I spoon you?" I nodded so she draped her arm over my waist, pulling me as close to her as possible.

"When I was 19...I was in a bar." I sniffled. "I had a fake ID and I wanted to go out with some friends, you know? Normal dumb teen stuff." JJ pressed kisses on my back from behind, calming me down. "A-and I met this guy. I think he liked me or something cause he kept trying to talk to me. I-I told him I wasn't interested but he kept talking to me." I let out a choked sob.

"Oh baby." She cooed, rubbing my stomach. She knew where this was going.

"I don't really remember what happened after that...I just know...that the next thing I remembered-" I got cut off by a shaky breath. "I was in the back of the bar- and he was behind me." I sniffled. "Thrusting into me."

"My love I'm so sorry that happened to you. Did it trigger you when I got you into that position?" I nodded.

"It's around the anniversary."

"So all those memories are coming back up, huh?" She kissed my shoulder and stroked my hair.

"Mhm. And I know I should've told you sooner-"

"Hey. None of that." She kissed my ear and my jaw. "You tell me things on your own time." I relaxed and pressed my back further into her. She held me tighter before kissing the back of my head. "You're safe with me baby."

"Thank you...for making me feel safe."

"I'm glad you feel safe with me. I'm happy to be your safe space whenever you need me to be. I love you so much. Don't you ever forget that."

"I love you too."

[backtothefanfiction]

All The Good Girls Go To Hell | TF!Boys Mafia AU~ Part ONE

Summary: When Phoenix comes home to find her fiancé banging some other girl, her whole life changes seemingly overnight. Forced to go back and live with her Dad, she's about to be dragged into a life with the men her Dad is indebted to.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY (Mature Content), Dark Mafia Romance Au, setting things on fire, swearing, dead parent, debt, mental health issues, brain tumour, broken family, anger issues (female rage), AFAB OFC, objectification of the female body, pyromania, little bit of theft (smut to come)

Word Count: 3.8K

A/N: I didn't need to have yet another idea for a story. I also didn't need to write it straight away, but I recently read Den of Vipers and figured I could do something better featuring the Triple Frontier boys. I don't know how many parts of this there will be, or how regularly this will ultimately be updated, but I thought I'd share anyway. Smut will come, featuring all four guys this time. This will use an ofc but apart from the hair, there aren't too many descriptors. This will also be written from multiple characters points of view throughout to keep things interesting. Enjoy!

ONE

PHEONIX

My fingers itch as I grip the steering wheel tighter. I should have worn gloves, I say to myself as I drop one hand from the wheel and rub it vigorously against my torn jeans, hoping the friction from the denim will- at the very least- satiate the itch left behind from the lighter fluid long enough for me to get to the next gas station, so I can stop in and wash my hands properly.

It was reckless of me really- the whole damn thing. My brothers taught me better than this, but then again, everyone said I had a temper that was only second to Archie’s in my family- so I’m really not that surprised. People say my Dad used to be equally hot headed before he got remarried to Marina and took over the club, but I’ve still yet to see it- even after all the shit me and my brothers have pulled over the years. It’s like after our Mother died he just gave up. But I don’t blame him. I would too if I lost the love of my life to a fucking disease like that. I had barely known her anyway, so I didn’t really notice all that much when the brain tumor turned her into a “literal monster”, as my older brothers used to so fondly call her when she was on one of her rampages.

I’d always said that my only real memory of her was when she tried to burn down the house by settling alight to the curtains in their bedroom. I remember we all stood out on the front grass as the smoke billowed out of the windows and mixed with the night air. Archie stood on my right holding one of my hands, E.Z stood on my left holding the other. Maybe that’s why I’ve always had a thing for fire myself. Messing about with lighters, setting things on fire- all so I can try and understand that night… At least, that’s what a therapist would probably say.

My Dad tried to make me go to one once, after I ended up burning down the whole science block at my school at 16, but alas, that never happened. Which is why I’m probably still using fire as a coping method after all these years.

My phone is blowing up by the time I reach the nearest gas station. I scan the messages from my brothers over quickly as I pull into the lot.

Deano: Heard what you did, I’d say he fucking deserved it.

Archie: Dad is pissed. Gonna try to calm him down before he does something stupid.

E.Z: Seriously, Phe, again! Dad is gonna be so pissed.

Leo: Just heard about your latest work, props little sis, I think your balls might be even bigger than Dean’s.

Rolling my eyes, I shove my phone in the glove box as it begins to buzz again. Uhh, I really don’t want or need a lecture right now about how I should or should not have acted upon finding my fiance in bed with another woman. Did I over react… by some people’s standards- maybe. But did I also live out every woman’s fantasy of dousing the bed in lighter fluid and striking a match whilst they were still in the bed… yes- yes I did- and do I give two fucks about any repercussions? Absolutely- fucking- not. Because there won’t be. Never have been. My Dad works for some of the most powerful men in the city- and I’m not talking about the Governor or the Mayor. No- someone will send some money over to keep them sweet and in a couple days time, everything will go back to normal.

I scrub at my hands with the shitty cheap soap in the tiny cubicle inside the gas station to the point the giant rock, still on my finger, almost slips off and down the drain. It’s the first time I’ve thought about it. I’ve been wearing it so long, it’s just an extension of my hand at this point. What am I gonna do with it? I mean- it’s worth a fucking fortune. Freddie was fucking loaded after all. None of it fucking his mind you. His Dad was a close business partner for the same guys my Dad worked for. Let’s just say, crime pays and his Dad has made so much money over the years working for Santiago Garcia and his crew, Freddie has never had to lift a single finger, let alone do a days work, to get what he wants.

I grab a handful of shitty paper towels, drying off my hands and the ring, holding it up to the fluorescent bathroom light. Uhhh it wasn’t even my style. I hate diamonds, they’re so basic and boring. Give me a massive fuck off ruby or saphire anyday. 

Still unsure what to do with it, I tuck it into the back pocket of my jeans before assessing how I look in the mirror. It’s like waking up from the weirdest dream and not recognising yourself. I look at my blonde hair in the mirror, the plain white t-shirt covering my breasts. I look like one of those young Barbie, trophy wife wannabe types. Where did the color and fun go? He drained it all out of me.

In college, when I met Freddie, I had pink in my hair and always had on something bright. At least my ripped jeans still have some character. 

Exiting out back onto the shop floor, I grab myself a large bag of cheetos and a cherry icee- that's as big as my head- from the machine in the back. As I place the large bag of cheesy puffs on the counter, I take a large sip of my drink, before placing that too on the counter, reaching for a pair of bright yellow heart sunglasses on a display next to the cashier.

“What d’ya think?” I ask the portly man behind the counter, who’s polo shirt doesn’t look or smell like it’s been washed for at least two weeks with its armpit stains and ranch dressing smear on the front.

It’s obvious he’s trying to come across as if he’s not checking out my whole body as he looks at me, but his eyes scan lower than my face, falling on the V neck of my t-shirt and my breasts for a hint too long. I flash him a sickly sweet smile as I take the sunglasses off my face and hook them into my shirt where his eyes seem to linger instead. “How about now?” I ask.

He quickly clears his throat as he looks back to the register. “Uhhh, yes- Yes- I think they suit you, yes.” he rambles and I can’t help but laugh. Men like that were always so predictable.

I reach for the icee taking another sip and try to school my features when I get brain freeze. “With the sunglasses,” he says, “16 bucks.” I sigh, but fish a couple notes out my back pocket and hand them over, just as my eyes land on a lighter covered in black and white harlequin print. My fingers instantly reach for it.

I turn the lighter over and over again in my fingers before flipping the top of it open and striking up a flame, my eyes getting lost in its amber glow as it sways hypnotically back and forth. It instantly takes me back to not 20 minutes ago and Fred and the girl’s screams, as the bed covers went up in flames and they both shot out from underneath them as he screamed about how much of a psycho I was. 

The ding of the till draw brings me back to the present and I flick the lighter closed. “Oh, and I’m taking this as payment for you oggling me.” I smile at the balding cashier, as I pocket the lighter and grab my bits off the counter.

I can hear him calling after me, “HEY, COME BACK HERE! YOU NEED TO PAY FOR THAT!” but I just laugh and take another sip of the slush and place the sunglasses back on my head.

As I walk back to my car, I notice a bum, sitting in the shade of the wall at the back corner of the station. As I look at him, I can feel the weight of the ring in my back pocket, dragging me towards him. Hey, the ring might not have changed my life, but it doesn’t mean it can’t change someone else’s life.

“Hey.” I say, lifting the yellow sunglasses on top of my head so I can meet his eyes. “Catch.” I toss him the ring. It sparkles as it hits the afternoon sun and I know from the look on his eyes as it makes contact with his fingers, he feels like he just won the lottery. “Pawn it. Get whatever you want with it, I don’t care.” I say as I begin to turn away from him and back to my car.

“Uh-thank you.” he says at first in shock, “Thank you.” he says again, a little more confidently now.

“Don’t mention it.” I shout back to him as I unlock my car with a chirp and climb back inside. 

I open the bag of cheetos, taking one and popping it in my mouth, before dumping them on the passenger seat and reaching to open the glove box, taking my phone back out.

7 more texts from my brothers and 5 missed calls from my Dad; with a final text saying:

DAD: Get your ass home. NOW!

Well, that does it then. I guess I’m going back to the old family home.

I start the engine, shuffling through the radio stations until I find something I like. When I hear the opening riff for Britney Spears’ Toxic, I stop and whack the volume all the way up. My tires screech as I speed out of the forecourt. I sing at the top of my lungs all the way home.

☆

I’m not through the door five seconds when E.Z is trying to usher me back out again. He’s always been the softer one. Third born. The middle child. Always overlooked, but still always trying to appease everyone.

“Dad is pissed.” He says, when he meets me in the foyer. After Mom tried to burn the house down, the place got remodeled. My Dad had to sell his soul to the devil to do it, but it meant we got to stay in our family home. Well, sort of. 

The whole left side of the house needed rebuilding, which meant they got to extend it out a bit more. We lost the basketball court the boys liked to play on, but it meant they finally got their own rooms so they didn’t mind. 

“I know.” I say to E.Z, waving my phone in his face with one hand, while I take a sip of my icee with the other. 

“Give me that.” He says, snatching the drink from my hand, the contents within the straw almost going everywhere as he rips it straight from my mouth. “This is serious Phe, Andy,” Freddie’s dad, “has already been on the phone making threats. You know how important he is for the business. He’s threatening to cut off the club’s supplies.”

“And….” I shrug, before reaching to take back the large cup in his hands. He merely moves it further out of my reach. “Look, I’m sure the guys who own the place have other connections he can use.”

“You sure about that?” My brother presses, raising his eyebrows and looming over me.

“Oh come on, you telling me those four wannabe goodfellas bozos, haven’t got some other dipshit on their payroll to import and export shit for them off record to help keep club costs down.” 

E.Z’s face is a picture. Eyes wide, face serious. It’s clear from his expression and his mouth that keeps gaping like a fish as he tries to get a word in, that he thinks I should shut up. “What!?” I hiss at him, but as I’ve been ranting and raving, I haven’t heard the second set of feet that have made their way through the front door into the foyer. E.Z’s face turns pale as he looks behind me to the figure and back.

“Oh no, don’t stop on my account.” A forced casual voice comes from behind me.

I turn my head and follow the voice to one of the most gorgeous men I have ever laid eyes on. All tanned skin and dark curly hair, a smattering of grays mixed in- the only hint to his age. I frown as a familiarity falls over me, but I can’t quite place from where. “I’m sorry- do I know you?”

He slides his fingers into his trouser pockets, his foot tapping slightly as he looks me up and down. “Oh you know, I’m just one of those bozos who’s now having to help clear up your mess.”

Before I have a chance to respond, my Dad and Archie step out of his office at the end of the hall. “PHEONIX!” My Dad’s voice bellows and I blanche, maybe that anger isn’t as far away as I thought. 

I turn away from the stranger in his Armani suit by the front door, to my Dad, flashing him my sweetest smile. “Hi, Dadd-”

“Uh- No!” He says, holding up a hand to stop me, “Don’t you dare-” He stops as he spots the other gentleman in the foyer. “Pope.” He says, his demeanor growing lighter as he greets the man who actually owns his ass.

“What kind of name is Pope?” I hiss to E.Z under my breathe, but he just nudges me to shut up.

“David… Archie…” Pope nods his head to the two men. “Shall we talk in your office.” He says, nodding back down the hall behind him.

“Uh- yes. Yes.” My Dad says nervously, turning his body to indicate for him to follow him back, before shooting me a stern look, telling me to behave and that this was far from over.

“Pheonix.” Pope nods to me as he passes, a faint smirk in the corner of his mouth and a look in his eye that I could only describe as fascination. But it quickly disappears again as he turns back to my Dad.

As the door to my Father’s office closes, my brother begins to ferry me towards the stairs. “I’d get up there and stay out of trouble if I were you.” He warns. 

I roll my eyes at him before I slip the yellow, heart shaped sunglasses, down over them with annoyance, snatching back my icee, before I stomp upstairs- as usual, out of sight, out of mind.

~

POPE

“Mr Garcia, I am so sorry for my daughters behavior. I really had thought she’d grown out of this,” David Leacher says, as I sit myself down in one of the leather armchairs in his office. “And I never thought she would do something like this that would put your well balanced business in jeopardy.”

I fain disinterest about the subject, because really, it doesn’t actually bother me all that much at all. Sure Andy is a bit pissed now on behalf of his son, but from what I hear, if you’re gonna go sneaking around behind your soon to be Mrs' back and she finds out, you kinda get what your asking for. To be fair, I gotta give the little lady props; it takes real guts to dump lighter fluid on a guy and strike the match, regardless of the consequences. 

“… I just don’t know what to do with her.” David says, slumping back in his chair behind his desk with a large glass of bourbon in his hand. 

“And this is why I never got married and had kids.” I say, giving him a tight lipped smirk. There’s an awkward pause between us, the only sound in the room, the ice clinking in David’s glass as he takes another nervous sip, his hand shaking slightly in anticipation, waiting for the slap on the wrist he thinks is about to come. “Look David, I’ll get to the point, Andy wants compensation for the money he’s already forked out for the wedding.” David puts his drink down and begins rubbing his temples as if this whole ordeal is giving him a headache. 

He sighs, turning to me, an earnest look in his eye, “Pope,” he says softly- imploringly- “you know I don’t have the money for that-“

“I know.” I say, cutting him off. “That’s why, we’ve decided to franchise Medusa’s. We are going to acquire two more clubs, you’ll get a pay rise and oversee all three venues, to help cover the costs. We get more money coming in through the clubs, you get more money to pay off Andy- everyone’s a winner.” 

The look of relief on David’s face is a picture. “Oh thank you, Pope- uh Mr Garcia.” He says, as his whole body seems to let out a very long breath that he had been keeping tight in his body, probably since the first call he got this afternoon about his daughter’s antics. “Thank you, thank you.” He seemingly pants.

“Look Dave, you’re a good guy- a loyal guy-“ I say honestly, “you work hard, you run Medusa’s well. Profits have been up 30% since you took over. I’m not gonna jeopardize that over some silly tiff between a couple kids.”

“No, no… thank you.” He says quietly, acknowledging my words as I continue to speak.

“Whether this had happened or not, we were going to come to you with this proposal this week anyway. Help you pay off your debt to us quicker too- you know.”

“Yes… thank you, Pope. Thank you.”

“Very well then.” I nod to him. “I’ll call Andy, let him know everything is settled.”

“Thank you, Pope, thank you.” He says again. 

David is a good man- a loyal man. He runs our most popular club well, but it was a real shame how soft he had gone in his old age. Ever since he lost his wife, he’s never been the same. Then he married that wannabe wag Marina- who does nothing but spend the rest of what little money he has coming in after he repays some of his debt to us- and walks all over him. Back in the day he had really made a name for himself bare knuckle boxing. They used to call him The Reaper because he could knock a man out with a single blow that brought a man close to death; but nowadays he’d barely hit a fly. This was yet another reason I never settled down and did the whole wife and kids thing- it made you soft.

Still didn’t stop his little girl from being as tough as nails and crazy to boot- but when the only female role models you had growing up were a Mother with a brain tumor that made her- to be polite- unhinged; and then Marina, it's no wonder she’s ended up as she has. She bounced around three different boarding schools in her teens. By the third school- after she had burnt down the science block at the second school- we had to write a fairly hefty donation cheque, in order to get her in. Just another number added to David’s bill to be repaid.

Although he had initially approached us looking for work in order to pay off his wife’s medical bills and then to redo the house after she had burnt half of it down, most of the money he’s borrowed from us over the years has been for Phoenix. Frankie, Will and myself have spent many a night around the table with a drink in our hands speculating on why he continues to bail her out and put himself in more debt to protect her. We’ve long come to assume it’s probably because of guilt. That she was robbed of a proper Mother. Cursed to have a weak Father. If she had been my kid, I would have tossed her ass out on the curb a long time ago and told her to deal with her own shit if she wanted to keep behaving the way she has over the years.

To be fair though, after she met Freddie, we thought she’d finally straightened out- or at least she had become Fred’s problem and he was dealing with it. She stopped going to the clubs. Started wearing more grown up clothing that matched her age. Began running with Freddie and his older friends. But I guess it was only a matter of time and you know what they say- a leopard never changes their spots.

I’m halfway to the door, ready to leave, when David stops me. “Umm, Pope.” He says tentatively. I slowly turn myself back to him, ready to hear his request, even though he’s in no place to be making requests right now after I’ve just bailed his ass out for the fifteenth time. “I was just wondering…” he continues hesitantly, “seeing as Phoenix and Freddie are no longer together, she’ll probably need an actual job of her own now…” I can almost feel myself rubbing at my temples, knowing the question that was about to come out of his mouth. It’s the same question that had come when all of his son’s came of age and needed a job… but this time is different- and we both know it.

Phoenix isn’t like her brothers. Where they are able to be mature and step up and follow orders, she most definitely can not. I’ve seen enough of her school reports over the years to know what kind of employee she’d be. When David had asked about getting the boys jobs, it had been a no brainer. Each one of them had a build similar to their father in his hay day, perfect for a bit of muscle and extra protection in the club. But a job in Medusa’s for Phoenix would be behind the bar- and I know for a fact she’d sooner pour herself shots of liquor and dance on that bar than stand back and serve everyone else whilst they had a good time.

I already know I’m going to regret this when I finally climb into my bed at the end of the night, “She gets one chance.” I say. “One chance.” I hold up my index finger to him for emphasis.

“Thank you, Pope. I promise she won’t let you down.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I mutter to myself, my thumb and forefinger rubbing at my eyes in both irritation and exhaustion, as I finally leave the room. I give Archie a brief nod of acknowledgement as he sees me back out to my car.

I'm about to climb back in when he says, "I know you didn't have to do that, but he needed that, you know. He needs that hope that she'll be okay."

I only give him a nod as I look up to the row of upstairs windows and back to him, "We'll see." I say. "We'll see."

-----------------------------------

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[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 4

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: Here's the first of the completely new chapters. I hope you enjoy. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

I wake up to the deliberately annoying sound of my alarm blaring from my bedside. I look out at the still-dark skyline outside and slide off the alarm before checking my notifications. A smile instantly replaces my sleepy scowl as I read the messages that filtered in overnight.

I know it’s late, but I’m wired from sleeping on the flight… even though it was only three hours. I know I should be better at this flying thing with how much I travel for work but I guess I never learn Also…I could get used to you colliding with me 😉 God that was too cheesy, I’m sorry, forget I said anything, I blame the jetlag! I need to stop before I permanently scare you away if it’s not already too late. Good night

I smile at his dorkiness before dragging myself out of bed. As much as I’d love nothing more than to message him back now and text all day, my shift starts in an hour and I need to get ready first. I force myself through the motions of showering, donning my uniform, eating a light breakfast, and brushing my hair and teeth before slipping out the door. The sun is just beginning to rise overhead as I stroll through the quiet streets. As much as I’m not a morning person, I do enjoy this little slice of quiet before the rush of the day.

Once I get to the cafe, I greet the baker who is finalising the baked goods for the day. I help him stock the fridges, leaving the tray of burnt muffins on the bench in the kitchen as per his instructions and then open the store.

With the Christmas rush still in full swing, the morning passes quickly but leaves me exhausted. Once I finally get a break I take one of the slightly burned and therefore, unsaleable candy cane muffins and a bottle of water and sit at a small table out the back of the cafe. I pull out my cracked phone and finally allow myself to reply.

I sell festive drinks & snacks to people who haven’t yet had their morning coffee - It’s gonna take more than a jet lag-induced comment to scare me away Watching you behead someone on TV though, that was rough You sure I can trust you? I promise I’d never hurt you, that is unless I catch you draining someone of their blood Wait! Are you working? I didn’t mean to disturb you Not at the moment I can chat for a bit So, you promise you won’t drink anyone? I get queasy when someone cuts their finger, so no chance My show’s probably not for you then The eye candy’s worth it But I also live alone, so horror is generally a no-go That’s ok. As I said, it’s more interesting to me that you’re not a fan There are no expectations to live up to But eye candy, eh? I don’t know about Dean but there was the vamp was pretty sexy Till he lost his head anyway Oh…🥺 Nah, Dean’s alright too… Though I do think he’s the most scary. I don’t think he would take kindly to wearing a cup of hot chocolate Probably not But he’d find you charming He’d probably use it as an excuse to try and get your number He’d have more confidence than shyly writing his number on a coaster and hoping the pretty girl makes the next move You think I’m pretty? You don’t need to try and flatter me You’ve only seen me when I’m exhausted and covered in rotting milk If you’d seen me on a day when I’d actually put in some effort then maybe I’d believe you Then maybe one day I’ll have to give you a reason to dress up for me Take you on a real date You plan on coming back to New York? It’s not in my schedule yet But maybe in the new year Unless I can tempt you to come to Texas? I live in a single-bedroom apartment in downtown New York And I work in a cafe I can’t afford airfares and hotel accommodations in Texas at Christmas! How about if it was all-expenses-paid? Jensen…

Just as I’m typing a reply my colleague bursts through the backdoor. I check the time and realise it’s been over ten minutes since I came outside. I quickly type out a halfhearted excuse and shut off my phone before scurrying back inside.

Sorry, my break’s over. I gotta get back to work. Talk later

Despite going through the motions; making coffees, heating muffins, and delivering orders, my mind continues to wander back to Jensen’s offer and my lack of response. We barely know each other, how could I let him pay for a holiday in Texas? While a holiday sounds like heaven after working my ass off all year, I refuse to let it be at someone else’s expense, even if that person is a successful and wealthy actor. I refuse to be seen as a gold digger, even in my own eyes. Also, I can’t stand the thought of him finding out my true passion and then accusing me of using him to get a leg up in the industry. By the end of my shift, I decide to come clean about everything.

Back in my apartment, I shower again and change into comfy clothes before collapsing on the couch. I switch on the TV, not caring what’s on, just looking for a little comforting background noise. The random Doctor Phill reruns don’t take long to lull me to sleep.

The continual vibrating of my phone on the coffee table drags me back to the land of the living. I rub my eyes to wake myself up and check who’s blowing up my phone.

I’m sorry if I came on too strong I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable You’re right, we barely know each other I promise I’m gonna stop making stupid comments and just give you space I’m sorry again

I mull over the messages for a few minutes and type and delete multiple replies before mustering up all the courage I can and giving in and pressing the call button instead. I listen to the dial tone for a few rings before he finally picks up. Wanting to smooth things over before he jumps in all apologetically I rush to speak first as soon as the call connects.

“Look, I know we’re texting people, not calling people. But this conversation needed to be had like this.”

“Are you telling me to lose your number? Because I will if that’s what you want.”

“No. I just think we’ve been living in some fantasy, and maybe you’re used to that since you’re an actor. But here in New York, no matter how badly I want to be a performer, I have to live in the real world. Any handouts I take, and any relationships I make will be used against me.”

“A holiday is not a handout. But wait, you want to be a performer?”

“During the year, I took acting and singing classes. I also auditioned for roles on Broadway. But obviously, I didn’t get any of the roles. But I swear, I didn’t recognise you when we met the other day. And I don’t intend to use you to get a role. I’m not a gold digger. I want to do this myself,” I ramble, hoping he believes me.

“Hey, I’m not accusing you of anything. I believe you. I’ve met people who are just trying to use me, I know the signs. So unless you’re a much better actress than I’m giving you credit for..?”

“None of this has been acting. I promise.”

“I believe you.” I hear knocking and someone calling out from the other end of the line. “I’m so sorry. They’re ready for me. I've got to go do soundcheck. Can I call you back later?”

“Soundcheck? Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Bye, Jensen.”

“I’ll call you and explain later…or maybe tomorrow…I promise I’ll call you!”

The line falls silent and I sigh. I drag myself off the couch to make a sandwich. Just as I sit down to eat it my phone starts buzzing again. I glance at the caller ID and answer it with a smile.

“Hey, Stella!” I greet my best friend happily.

“Hey, Bestie! We still on for tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“You promised you’d help me with my wedding! I’m getting married in three weeks and there’s still so much to do!”

“Oh yeah! Of course! I can be there in say 30?”

“You’re the best, Bestie!”

“I know! See you soon!”

I hang up and finish eating my sandwich, clean up, throw on some warmer clothes and head out to catch the subway.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27

[slayfics]

Girl talk about villains.

Warnings: nsfw themes

650 words

Featured OCS:

💚 Kansatoki Hikari

💚 Yume Hoshino

💚 Asumi Tachibana

"Ugh," Asumi sighed lying down on the floor dramatically. "I'm so tired of studying," she complained.

"We could take a break," Kansatoki suggested.

Yume nodded in agreement, her own eyes beginning to feel heavy from the long study session.

"Hey, I have an unhinged question for you both," Asumi said sitting upright.

Kansatoki eyed her suspiciously, while Yume sweetly replied, "What is it?"

"If you had to fuck a villain, who would you choose?" Asumi asked.

"Overhaul," Kansatoki answered before Asumi finished her question.

"Oh, that was too fast, you've definitely thought about that before," Asumi said laughing.

"Kansa!" Yume exclaimed. "I thought you were over your Stockholm syndrome!" Yume whined.

"I didn't have Stockholm syndrome!"' Kansatoki snapped. "I just think he'd have the cleanest dick out of all the villains."

"KANSA!" Yume exclaimed, hiding her face, flustered by her friend's vulgarness.

"I bet he's got a girthy one too," Asumi added.

"Oh, he does," Kansatoki agreed.

"Hu?" both girls looked at her. "What did you just say?" Asumi clarified.

Kansatoki's eyes widened, "I just mean- I saw him up close and he radiated big dick energy. Anyway, what's your answer Asumi?" Kansatoki asked forcing the attention off herself.

Asumi thought for a moment before answering, "I have to say Compress."

"Hmm," Kansatoki hummed. "He wasn't bad looking when that ugly mask came off."

"I just want to show him a few tricks myself," Asumi said, with a snicker. "Gonna make that dick disappear."

The two girls erupted with laughter while Yume tilted her head to the side trying to understand the joke.

"All right Yume, your turn," Kansatoki said, her laughter subsiding as she turned her attention to her friend.

"Hu?!" Yume looked between the girls with a panicked expression on her face.

"What villain are you fucking?" Asumi asked.

"Are you insane!" Yume exclaimed, "I'm not-," she looked around as if someone else might hear before whispering, "making love with a villain."

"Of course not, this is just hypothetical, just pick one." Kansatoki urged.

"Fine! Hmmm," Yume thought for a moment, "If Red Riot became a villain, I'd pick him."

Asumi and Kansatoki looked at each other with a pointed glance, before turning back to Yume. "That's cheating you can't choose your boyfriend," Asumi said.

"It's not cheating! It's hypothetical right!? So hypothetically if Eijiro became villain I'd choose him," Yume said matter-of-factly placing her arms on her hips.

"That's it, hold her down Asumi," Kansatoki instructed.

"What?!" Yume yelled as Asumi followed Kansatoki's directions and held Yum's hands behind her back.

Kansatoki slinked over to Yume's stuffed animal collection before grabbing her beloved shark plushie. "Answer now or sharky gets it!" Kansatoki examined squeezing the stuffed animal.

"Put it down! Eijiro gave me that!" Yume squirmed in Asumi's grasp.

"Come on Yume, just say a name and we'll leave you alone," Asumi encouraged.

"Yeah, you can even agree with one of us! Are you thinking Overhaul or the lame magician?" Kansatoki asked.

"Hey! At least Compress isn't a germ freak like that beak brain!" Asumi reported.

"What is it with you both and villains with missing arms!" Yume yelled, still struggling to get out of Asumi's grasp.

"Wrong answer!" Kansatoki said, pulling on the shark's tail.

"DABI!" Yume yelled, causing Kansatoki to stop in her tracks.

"What?! EW!" Kansatoki said, repulsed, and dropped the stuffed animal.

"What do you mean ew!?" Yume questioned.

"Have you seen him?! He's only got half his skin! How do you know he hadn't burnt his dick off!?" Kansatoki questioned.

"I bet he's a freak in bed though," Asumi said letting go of Yume's arms.

"Oh, so you're into freaks?" Kansatoki asked Yume.

"KANSA!" Yume whined, bringing her knees to her chest and hiding her face, embarrassed with herself.

"I'm just teasing ya, I like that answer." Kansatoki laughed.

"Yeah, who knew you had it in you," Asumi agreed.

[call-me-a-simp]

Heal My Wounds

Talk It Out (part 29)

Rhea Ripley x Reader

Tw: physical and sexual abuse, toxic relationship, selfharm, eating disorder

Summary: You are in a toxic relationship with an abusive man but manage to run away. A tall, black haired woman picks you up from the streets just in time so your ex doesn't get you. But who is she and why does she seem so familiar to you? As you get to know each other you start to notice weird feelings you never had before whenever she's around.

The following day you wake up, finding yourself snuggled into Rhea's chest. "Good morning beautiful" Rhea whispers and kisses the top of your head.

You groan a little, not liking the fact that you were just pulled out of a nice dream. "God morning Mami" you yawn without even realizing what you just said.

"oh so you're finally calling me Mami" Rhea teases you straight away. "Ugh God stop it I'm tired" you complain. She giggles and settles back into the bed letting you get comfy on her again.

"When is Dom picking you up today again?" your girlfriend asks. "ten" you mumble. "Oh that's funny because it's already 9:30 you know" she surpresses a laugh.

"WHAT?!" you shoot up "Why didn't you wake me earlierr?" you cry and Rhea finally let's out her laughter. You punch her lightly and then hurry to get out of bed.

Strange, you don't remember going to bed yesterday. Last thing you knew is you were laying on the couch watching a film together.

Now's not the time to think about that! You remind yourself. You gather your clothes and step in the shower, completely ignoring the fact that you didn't even close the door to the bathroom properly.

Who even cares? It's not like she hasn't already seen every single part of your body.

"I'm making breakfast, what do you want?" Rhea calls from outside. "Thanks but I'm not hungry" you respond. You hear her sigh and walk away, knowing very well she's gonna make you something anyway.

About 20 minutes later you're ready and even ate a little just to please your worried girlfriend. The doorbell rings and she let's Dominik in.

"Ain't y/n ready yet?" he questions. "she is but we need to talk first. Rhea replies." "You're making it seem pretty serious, is everything okay?" Dom nervously chuckles.

"Ehh.. More or less" she says and follows him to the kitchen where you're already waiting, anxiously fidgeting with your fingers and picking the skin around your nails.

The two sit down, he in front of you and she next to you, trying to calm you down by taking your hand in hers.

"So, listen Dominik" Rhea begins. "y/n told me that yesterday, as you two were taking a break from shopping, you held her hand and were more touchy than usual which made her a little uncomfortable and she doesn't know if you meant it in a friendship or romantic kind of way, so we need to talk it out!"

"Oh boy, hey I'm sorry y/n" Dom chuckles and immediately releases the tension he held just a few moments earlier.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable in any way, I thought you wanted to, as you were the one to take my hand. Is was just an offer from my side, I wouldn't have been mad if you declined it." he sets up a warm smile.

You relax a little and exhale a shallow breath, nodding slightly as you do so. "Okay Dom Dom, thank you" you smile back, your voice being pretty quiet.

Rhea turns to you as she speaks again. "are Liv and Raquel coming today actually?" "nah they didn't have time, got some matches, you know the drill" you wave it off.

"okay, I think you two should get going then hm? But this time you won't walk outta there without the perfect dress, you got me?" she dares you and raises an eyebrow at Dom.

"Ye ye Mami, see ya later" he laughs at her and you follow him outside, giving Rhea a quick kiss on the cheek as you walk past her. "Thanks" you whisper and earn a wink from her.

---------------------------------------------------

Little shorter than usual but I'm so freaking tired and exhausted, but still force myself to post at least every second day.

Anyway, happy Pride Month y'all! I'm kinda proud that it's the same month as my birthday haha

Taglist:@babybatlover @legit9thlunaticwarrior @thatonepansexual2000 @nox-fire

[phantompoguefangirl]

WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER

CHAPTER FOUR: SUSPICIONS

Broken up deep inside, but you won't get to see the tears I cry behind these hazel eyes- Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson

TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE MENTIONED

*Flashback*

"Where the hell have you been?!" Jesse demanded, yanking me inside our house with a vice grip on my wrist. I tried not to react to the pain.

"I-...I just went for a walk, you know, to get some fresh air and um...a bite to eat," I stammered, not meeting his eyes because I knew all too well what I would see in them."What are you doing home so early?"

"I just got a break between meetings so I came to check on you. You were supposed to stay here and write a new song. Did you finish the song?" He asked, staring me down.

I shook my head, looking down."Uhh...no I couldn't come up with-" I was cut off by the back of his hand connecting with my face. The force caused me to stumble backward as I grabbed my cheek.

"I asked for one simple thing. Why can't you just do what I ask?"

"I- I was having writer's block and I thought the fresh air and food would help. I'm sorry."

"Well you better hope it did. Get your ass back in there and write me a song," he snapped, waving toward my music room.

I turned and hurried down the hall, trying to hide the tears beginning to stream down my face. I closed and locked the door of my music room before sinking to the floor and sobbing quietly.

I sat there against the door for what felt like hours. I heard Jesse leave at some point and I barely registered the sun going down outside my window, but I couldn't bring myself to move until I heard the lightsaber sound from my phone.

I grabbed it and looked at my screen.

Hey pizza girl. :) Sorry I would have texted sooner but the guys tackled me for the pizza when I got home and then distracted me with fifa. -Michael

I couldn't help but smile as I texted back.

Pizza Girl? 🤣 -Mia

It was the first thing I thought of okay don't judge me. -Michael

Okay then lol -Mia

Anyway what are you up to? -Michael

Sitting in my music room supposed to be writing a song...-Mia

Is that what was so urgent that you had to leave? -Michael

Um kind of. -Mia

Kind of? -Michael

I'm sort of on a deadline. Clearly the suits don't understand how song writing works. -Mia

Haha tell me about it. Especially with everything else we deal with as artists. -Michael

Exactly! -Mia

Well hey I could help you with your song if you want. -Michael

You already are helping. :) -Mia

I am? How? -Michael

Talking to him had made me think of earlier today and how fun it was to spend time with him. His smile had brightened my whole day, his big green eyes were even more beautiful in person and I had unintentionally noticed that he had some very light freckles around his nose that weren't super visible at first but were ridiculously cute. He was also very kind and sweet and I really wanted to know him more as a person. I'd only spent a little bit of time with him today, but Michael Clifford had made an impact on me.

Of course I couldn't just say that to him, though.

You'll just have to wait and see when the song comes out. ;) -Mia

Wow really? You're gonna play it like that? - Michael

Yep. ;) -Mia

Come onnnn just tell meee -Michael

No. -Mia

Pretty please? -Michael

Nope. -Mia

Fiiiinnee I guess I'll wait. -Michael

Good boy. *pats your head* -Mia

😂😂 -Michael

Anyway, it's late and we have a meeting with management in the morning so I probably should go to bed now. But hopefully you and I can hang out again soon? -Michael

Yeah hopefully soon. Goodnight Michael. :) -Mia

Goodnight:) -Michael

I set my phone down and jotted down the ideas I had before falling asleep on my little couch by the window. I finished the song over the span of the next day.

Jesse came back around dinner time and did his usual "I'm sorry, I love you, I'll stop" routine. He was also happy to hear the song was done. All I could do was just smile and make him dinner like nothing ever happened.

MICHAEL P.O.V

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I mumbled a few profanities and shut off my alarm before rolling out of bed. I trudged out to the hallway and got into the usual morning arguments with the guys over the bathrooms while getting ready for our meeting.

Once we had gotten ready and eaten, we piled into our suv and headed to the management office.

I tried to focus on what these suits were saying but on top of my pre-existing focus issues, I couldn't stop thinking about Mia. The way she'd rushed to leave was a little concerning, but there was something about her that drew me in and I'd honestly had the best time with her yesterday...

Suddenly someone shoved my hand out from under my chin, causing me to faceplant into the conference table.

"Ow what the fuck?" I groaned as I glared up at my bandmates.

"The meeting's over, space cadet. Time to come back to Earth," Ashton said as the three of them laughed.

I looked around and noticed the suits were gone. "Oh shit, I didn't realize I zoned out like that. I'm sorry."

"No worries, we'll fill you later," Luke said as I followed them out of the room, "What the hell were you daydreaming about anyway?"

"I don't think we really wanna know the answer to that, mate," Calum said, causing them all to laugh more.

"It's not like that," I said, playfully shoving them as we got in the car.

"So you weren't thinking about a girl then?" Calum asked, wagging his eyebrows at me.

"No-I mean yes, there's a girl but-"

"TOLD YOU! MIKEY'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND!" Calum yelled, resulting in the guys cracking up laughing again and teasing me.

"GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME TALK. GEEZ." I shouted over the noise.

They must have noticed the undertone of my voice because it didn't take them long to get quiet and look at me.

I explained what happened yesterday to them.

"She sounds amazing, dude. Remind us to thank her for saving you if we ever get to meet her." Ashton said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"If I get to see her again," I mumbled.

They looke at me confused.

"Um...well, she has a boyfriend, first of all. She told me about him so we agreed the lunch was just a friend thing as a thank you to her. But then he texted her and she started acting really...I don't know, anxious? She said she had to go and was pretty quick to leave after that. We texted last night and she seemed okay, though so I don't know if I'm just tripping or not." I elaborated.

"Did she say why she was in such a hurry to leave?" Ashton asked.

"She told me last night over text that she was on a deadline to write a song," I answered.

"Maybe she was just stressed over that then?" Luke suggested.

I shrugged. "I mean, it's possible. But it was her boyfriend that texted her, not a suit, so that's weird right?"

"What if he knew about the deadline and reminded her?" Calum said.

"Maybe. I don't know," I said.

We didn't get a chance to talk anymore about it at the moment because we got home and had other band stuff to do.

Mia and I kept texting off and on though and over the next few weeks we actually did manage to spend time together. We mostly spent time at the pizza place, arcades or a park we found that we liked. She was very funny and bubbly and I really enjoyed being around her, though I started to get a little more concerned about her the more we hung out.

I started noticing little things that worried me. Like every so often when she thought I wasn't paying attention, her beautiful hazel eyes flitted around like she was looking for danger or something. She never wanted to go to her house and always insisted we meet somewhere. I asked her if she was okay a few times and she always played it off like everything was fine but I could tell she was putting up a front.

I mean, it wasn't like she was cheating on her boyfriend with me or anything. We both made it abundantly clear that we were just friends on a couple occasions so I was confused as to what the hell was going on. But, I was absolutely captivated by her and I had a gut feeling that I that I needed to stay close to her...

@jetblackbritt13

[tinyinvadr]

I’m so sane I’m so normal. Anyway, here’s more Borrowed Family!

Borrowed Family

Chapter 2

I froze up as the human stared at me from across the room. Neither of us moved or said a word for a solid minute. Then, he got out of bed and started to walk towards the desk.

At that point, I panicked, and started trying to run as if it would help me. No matter what, I was trapped. There was no way for me to get down from the desk, and he was gonna grab me or crush me or shove me in a jar.

My worst fears were realized when a massive pair of hands clamped around me, holding me in place. I was shuddering nonstop as I forced myself to look at the human.

He didn’t look angry, at least, but very confused.

“What… are you?”

I couldn’t speak. I just stood there, completely helpless as he lifted me off the desk like it was nothing. He turned me around in his hands a few times, looking at me from different angles. Then, with a single finger, he gently pulled my hood down to get a better look at my face.

“You’re human!? But… how did you get so small? Did Zim do this to you?”

At that point, I had no idea what to say. If he thought I was human, maybe he wouldn’t hurt me. But at the same time, if he figured out I was lying, it could end badly. Plus, I had no idea what a “Zim” was. I had to just come clean and hope for the best.

“N-No, I’m supposed to be this small. I’m a borrower. B-But we’re really not all that different from humans! Please don’t kill me…”

I shut my eyes, not wanting to look at him anymore. I doubted I was able to get through to him. There really was no getting out of this.

“What? No, kid, I’m not… I’ll just put you down now.”

I opened my eyes as he slowly and carefully lowered me back onto the desk, then took a few steps back.

All I could do was look up at him, waiting and watching to see what he would do next. Except he didn’t move. He stayed at a distance, looking concerned.

“Are you… really not gonna hurt me?”

I flinched a little as he raised his hands defensively. I think he noticed how scared I was and put his hands back down.

“Of course not! You’re just a little kid. Literally. But… what are you doing in my room?”

I avoided his gaze as best I could. Even if he wasn’t going to hurt me, I still felt awful that I ended up being discovered by a human. The whole point of this exercise was to prove to my Dad that I was ready to be a borrower. Clearly, I wasn’t.

“I-I’m just waiting for my Dad to come get me. He told me to wait here for him.”

The boy nodded. “Okay. Do you know where he went? Maybe I could help you find him.”

“NO! I mean, uh… you really shouldn’t. He doesn’t like humans, and… I don’t want him to know I messed up…”

The human took his eyes off me for the first time, looking down at his feet, ashamed.

“Yeah, I get that. But… is there anything else I could do to help? I’m sorry, I just… you’re all alone and scared and I’d feel really bad if I didn’t do anything.”

I hated how obvious my fear was. I couldn’t stop shaking. He was being so nice, but every story I’ve ever been told was about how horrible and monstrous humans are.

“D-Do you have a place I could sleep?”

He looked around the room for a second, then stopped when he saw something near his bed.

“Yeah, sure, wait one second.”

The boy went to the other side of the room, took a black coat off his bedpost, and folded it up into a large square shape. He brought it over to the desk and placed it down next to me, moving very slowly and carefully. He was actually trying not to scare me.

“Okay, hopefully that’s enough like a bed. Try it out, let me know if it’s comfortable or not.”

I climbed onto the folded up coat. It was pretty soft. I lied down, pulling the edge over myself like a blanket. Instantly much better than the stinky pencil case.

The human smiled at me, and I gave him a little smile back. I still wasn’t sure about the whole situation, but I was glad that he didn’t seem to be dangerous.

“Alright, if you’re good, I’m gonna go back to bed. Hopefully your Dad will come back soon. But, until then, I just want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid of me, okay? You’re safe here.”

I gave him a nod as he started to walk back towards his bed, but then he stopped and turned to look at me one last time.

“Oh, by the way, my name is Dib. What’s yours?”

I was almost gonna say it, but something stopped me. I don’t know why, but I never really felt like a Rosie. And I guess I was curious about what it would be like to go by another name. My parents would never want me to change it, but since this was only temporary and I’d probably never see Dib again, what was the harm in trying something new? So, I said the word that was still sitting in the back of my head for some reason.

“Recap!”

Dib paused, looking confused. “That’s… kind of an odd name, but, okay!”

With that, he got back into bed and went back to sleep, while I got myself comfortable on the makeshift coat bed.

As I drifted off to sleep, the last things on my mind were how weird this whole thing was. One of the monsters my family always warned me about was not only sparing my life, but he was being nice to me, and giving me a place to sleep while I waited for Dad.

Of course, I couldn’t fully trust him, but there was this part of me that was almost hoping it would take a little longer for Dad to find me. Just those words, “you’re safe here,” they never left my head. I… wanted that to be true.

When I woke up the next morning, Dib was still asleep. There was no sign of Dad anywhere. What was taking him so long? I looked around, just to double check and see if he was hiding anywhere, but nope.

I noticed Dib moving, and he let out a yawn as he woke up. He got out of bed and almost walked right past me, but then he backtracked and went back over to the desk.

“Whoa, you’re still here!? To be honest, I thought that was a dream. Wasn’t your Dad supposed to come and get you last night?”

I nodded. “Yeah… I guess he’s still looking!”

He looked like he was about to say something, but stopped.

“Okay… I guess you should probably stay here until then. I’m gonna go downstairs for breakfast. Want anything?”

It almost didn’t seem real. A human was offering me food. This never happened.

“Uhh… I’m okay with whatever! I don’t eat much.”

He looked like he was thinking something over for a second, then spoke again.

“I think I’ll just bring my plate up here so we can share, then. Do you like waffles?”

I never had waffles before. They’re not easy to borrow since they’re stored in the freezer, and that’s not the sort of place you wanna go inside unless you have to.

“I dunno. I never tried ‘em.”

Dib looked somewhat surprised. “Really? Wow. Well, you’re in for a treat, then! Wait right there.”

With that, he left the room. I sat and waited on the folded up coat, watching the door. I couldn’t get over it, he was actually bringing me food. I didn’t have to borrow it without him knowing, he was just… giving it to me. But why?

Either Mom and Dad were wrong about humans, or Dib was a very, VERY unique case.

[ohgoddard]

Forced Reset

Concrete was never the best material to wake up on. Hard and sharp, digging into the bare skin and tearing it open with little effort. Too many children can attest to how much concrete hurts and point to their scraped knees and elbows like well-worn battle scars. No, concrete is perhaps the bottom tier of things to wake up on. I would have much liked to wake up instead on my apartment’s carpeted floor. Or my bed in said apartment next to my lovely partner. Or even the patch of grass that my right hand is currently getting to know as feeling begins slowly and agonizingly making its way back into my body. 

I don’t know how I got here. My memories are hazy, like trying to picture a billboard you saw once on a car-ride years ago. Fractions make their way into my mind but thinking about them hurts too much for me to focus. I don’t know where I was the day before, what I was doing an hour before, or even where I was now. Or how I came to be lying on my back in the center of a broken basketball court, bleeding everywhere. And the pain. Jesus the pain. I try to lift my head off the ground, straining my neck. I see a large gash across my chest, my uniform in tatters.

Sleeveless was a terrible idea, I now realize, as a glance reveals the tiger stripes of blood across my arms. I lean on my right arm to sit up, my body rewarding me with the feeling of my lower half. The blood rushes to my head and I almost fall again, catching myself before doing so.

It has been a while since I was this hurt. Not since... I can’t remember but it hurt a lot. The tattered remains of my clothes fell off my body to the floor, making me look down in relief as my sports bra was not one of the many scraps. Would not want to wake up naked and lost. One too many university adventures ended that way. I eye up the white and blue scraps and wonder why I was wearing such..tight clothes. Was I going out clubbing or something? My shorts (Christ, why was I wearing shorts?) looked like they would hold up too, and at least they were more like bike shorts than clubbing shorts. When I looked at my shoes I was surprised to see that they were rollerblades of all things. Why am I wearing rollerblades? 

Then it all hit me. Truly the only logical conclusion that someone with numerous bodily injuries and possible brain injuries could come up with.

I’m a superhero! I help people with my power of... Something. I groan. What kind of hero can’t remember their own power? Oh man I hope I’m not one of those weirdos that fights crimes without a superpower, those losers are so annoying. Oh man, am I annoying? My heartbeat picks up as my mind thinks about all the things I’ve ever done which could be considered annoying. This does nothing as I draw perpetual blanks on my memory, only coming back with anxiety anyways.

Oh god, do I have anxiety? What kind of superhero has social anxiety?! No wonder I’m torn up, I was probably afraid those bank robbers were gonna bully me like I was-

Wait! Bank Robbers!

I was in Massachusetts. It was a normal call, a smash-and-grab from a local bank. I was the only hero in the area because of…something. I can’t remember what, but I didn’t like it. I wasn’t thinking straight and just needed to distract myself. I wasn’t even on the clock, but whatever. It's what heroes do. I suited up in seconds before dashing down the freeway. Then it gets..hazy.

I remember running past the police cars, up to the back of the van they were in. I was planning on taking out their tires with the knife I keep on my belt when the back doors of the van flew open. I had faced this before, so it was nothing new. But they had something that made me stop in my tracks. A masked man leaned out of the van with a strange gun in his arms and fired. I tried to move out of the way but overcorrected myself, tripping over my own feet. A car rammed into me from behind, running over me just as this strange green bolt hit my body and it all went dark.

Yes, yes those memories are real things that occurred and happened. My brain is not just crafting narratives to better fit earlier misconceptions! I’m not making shit up! Look at me, using big words! I must be telling the truth. What kind of brain-injured person uses big words as goodest as I?

But that doesn't explain... This.

I roll over to my side and start to push up.  I hear a disheartening *snap* as I fall back to the concrete, pain shooting up my left arm. I grit my teeth and swallow the scream building in my throat. OK. Left arm is broken, feel like I should have felt that earlier but whatever. Could be worse. Rolling to the other side I pull myself off the embrace of the ground and finally get a survey of my area. It was night I realize, but you could hardly tell because of the intensely bright lamplights around the basketball court I had arrived in. I seem to be in the middle of a large city park, as I can see tons of buildings around the horizon. Thank Christ, It would have sucked to not have a city. At least here I can find the local agency building and get medical treatment. I just gotta give them my hero name and… and...

Fuck what's my hero name?

Shit, forget that. What the hell is my name name. 

“Oh goddamnit, this just gets better.” I spit out blood. Ugh. Better get walking then. They should have photos right? Maybe that will be enough. 

I begin my shambling walk back to the city, leaving my comfortable bed on the basketball court behind me. Walking feels like coming back from an intense workout and every muscle is mad you decided to notice them. Or like a really bad hangover you get from drinking out of a random jug titled “Ronald Borgan” at a music festival. I  don’t get very far until I have to sit on a bench in the park and take off those goddamn skates. I don’t know if you ever tried to walk normally in skates, but it is near impossible.

As I unlace them, I notice a tag poking up from the lip of the shoe.

“If lost return to Riley Wing.” 

“What if Mrs.Wing herself is lost?”

My blood turns cold. I snap my head to my left to see a man walking towards me. He is dressed head to toe in a grey overcoat, topped off with a grey fedora. His face is obscured by the shadows of the night, the only thing poking out is the bright red of a cigarette. His hands leave his pockets to grab his cigarette, an almost impossible white.

Wasting no time I immediately grab my skates and throw them at his head. I have no clue whether this guy is a villain or just a real pale creep, but I wasn’t going to take the chance. My skates smack him straight in the face, making him swear in pain. I grin as he drops his cigarette. Not wasting a second, I stand from the bench and… leg it as far as I could from him.

Which was not very far. What little blood I had left in my body rushed to my head the minute I stood up, casting me into a realm of vertigo not yet seen by mortal men. Godlike disorientation aside, my fucking knees decide to give out at this exact moment. I curse my low iron diet as I stumbled to the ground, barely catching myself with my good arm. I manage to scrape together enough strength to stand up but stopped mid-rise. A heavy hand clasped my hurt shoulder, pain shooting up my back. I turn my head to look up, seeing a face just as pale as the hand that grasps me. Looking back is an utterly unremarkable face, one that seems to change to an equally mediocre look every time I blink.

“Mrs.Wing,” his gritty baritone shook me through his hand, “you look like you suffered a terrible accident. Allow me to help.”  He lets go of my shoulder and walks in front of me, extending his other stark white palm. I look over him, my eyes narrowing in suspicion. I can’t tell if he has a weapon on him, but it's not like he would need one to take care of me right now. He was more than larger than I am, easily holding 90 pounds on me. His face, sporting a red mark on his forehead where my skates hit him, betrayed no intention of ill will. And frankly, I more than likely could not stand back up without his help.

I reach out with my non-broken arm, and the man effortlessly lifts me without even a sign of strain on his end.  He guides me back to the bench, setting me down with a surprising amount of grace. I let out a pained breath, looking over at him. He stays standing in front of me, another cigarette appearing in his mouth where I smacked it out last. His smoke trails upwards, blending into the soft navy blue of night.

“Alright mister, what is it you want? Were you hoping for a thank you? An autograph? If you haven’t noticed,” I gesture to my tattered remains of what someone might have recently called clothes, “I haven’t any functioning pockets.” Come to think of it, I probably didn’t have any pockets beforehand either. Damn the women’s clothing industry.

The man chuckles, taking one more drag on his cigarette before dropping it on the floor and grinding it out with his grey dress shoes.

“No, Mrs.Wing, I did not come asking for autographs. I’m something of a helper. And frankly, you looked like you needed quite a bit of help.” He gestures to the entirety of me. Which, while a true statement, was rude. I scowl at him.

“How the hell do you know my name? Aren’t I a hero, don’t I need to keep that a secret?”

His eyebrows raise in alarm. 

“You mean to tell me that you don’t remember that you’re a hero? My, this is quite a bad case you got going on Mrs.Wing, quite a bad case indeed. You’ve got a classic superhero malady afflicting you right now. Near cliche for my tastes, but common enough in your line of work to create the necessary drama I suppose.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I shake my head in confusion. Perhaps this guy is nothing more than a really bad hallucination. I mean, it happened in Fight Club. It could happen to me, right? That was a valid thing that could occur, right?  Also, why is he talking like that?

“Hey, why are you talking like that?”

He cocks his head. “Like what?”

“God, never mind. What malady am I afflicted with?”

He cracks a smile, the bastard. 

“I’m afraid it's a case of occupational amnesia. Hits all the heroes at least once in their careers. But I do have to say it hit you at a very hard time. Jade is going insane looking for you. Problem is, not sure she’ll find you.”

Jade.

Jade. Jade. Why does that name mean something to me? It means... Happy. It means safe. It means joy, it means love, it means… anger. It means upset. It means disappointment. It means betrayal. Why? Who is Jade?

And why won’t she find me?

“Ah well, I suppose it's not my place to get involved in those issues. Merely to get the ball rolling.”

I shake the thoughts out of my head.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘get the ball rolling’? Did you start this?! Did you put me here?!”

I move to stand up, readying my good arm to slug him across that greek chiseled jaw of his. One push from him sent me back onto the bench, the air leaving my lungs.

“Now, now. No need to go hurt yourself more. No, Mrs.Wing, I did not put you here. However, I see a great opportunity for character development right now. You have quite a bit of flaws, I think this will serve as a great opportunity for you to iron those out.”

“Fuck you too, asshole. You stand there, talking like you know so much about me and then tell me it's a good thing I caught goddamn amnesia and a broken arm? Because it builds character? Do you coach youth football after school too?” I scoff at the almighty jerkwad in front of me.

“Your growth won’t be as good if I just give you all the answers now. No, I think you forgot who you were long before you forgot who you were if you get my meaning.” He reaches up to his mouth, lighting another cigarette.

“What the hell do you mean?! Just tell me who I am, you jackass!” I stand up and grab his lapels. For the first time, I notice a wedding ring on my left hand. 

I am married. He knows I am married and doesn’t tell me to who.

My rage grows. He knows. He knows so much and chooses not to tell me because of goddamn ‘character growth’? I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him right here, right now. I’d do it right here if I didn’t need him to tell me who I am.

He laughs in my face, blowing smoke into my eyes. My hands release as they go to my nose to block the smell. The smoke grows larger and larger until all I see is murky grey haze.

“All in due time, Mrs.Wing. However, right now I need to do my job and ‘get this ball rolling’. Pardon me, but this will be the only time I will do something this violent.”

“What?!” I scream out, looking all around me. I barely catch the movement of his fist in the corner of my eye before it all goes black again.

In my dreams, I hear the sound of fluttering fabric, the unlocking of deadbolt, and the arguing of strangers.

In my dreams, all I see is fiery orange. And all I want to do is feel its warmth, one more time.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

You’ll Never Be Alone.

???: UUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!

!!??

*Monodam lurches awake by the sound of screaming inside the closet. He opens the door and rushes inside.

WHAT-IS-GOING-ON!?

Kaede!? KAEDE!?

RRUUUUHAAAAHAHAAGH!

*Kaede starts to spazz out on the floor, jittering uncontrollably and her eyes rolling back in her head. She rolls around as if something is crawling inside her skin!

What’s going on!? What did you do!?

I-DO-NOT-KNOW! SHE-APPEARS-TO-BE-OVERHEATING! WAIT! I-WILL-GATHER-SOME-ICE-PACKS!

I-HAVE-RETURNED. IS-SHE-OK?

The screaming stopped, and so did the jittering. Not she’s just lying there breathing heavily.

She looks like she’s been sucked dry of energy as well...

Uuuuugh...

*Sure enough, Kaede’s face looks exhausted and skeletal, like her life force has been drained somehow. Monodam slaps the ice pack on her head.

I-ALSO-BROUGHT-YOU-SOME-FOOD. I-DOUBT-IT’S-CLASSIFIED-AS-BREAKFAST-BUT-IT’S-HEALTHY!

*Monodam hands Kaede an apple. She takes it and bites into it, her face looking calmer and relaxed when tasting the juice.

Phew...Thanks, that really helped.

What the hell was THAT all about. I don’t think that’s a normal reaction for humans to wake up to.

INDEED. YOU-LOOK-LIKE-YOUR-METABOLISM-WENT-TOO-FAST-FOR-YOUR-BODY-TO-KEEP-UP.

Ah, right, I get it now...I’m not quite sure what it was, but before I went to bed last night, I took one of these.

*She holds up a small pill.

What’s that?

Kuripa gave two of them to me after the incident in America was over, and I forgot I had them in my backpack until now. He calls them Suproteins. 

Suproteins?

I-HAVE-NEVER-HEARD-OF-SUCH-A-THING?

I doubt you would have. According to him, they’re one of Seiko Kimura’s latest inventions. A pill that accelerates the body’s healing process.

But they’re still in the testing phase, and Kuripa did warn me that they might heal more than they’re meant to.

And you took it anyway!?

Well, I just thought...since I had it!

I thought you were DYING! Don’t do that again!

...I’m sorry...really...

I just...thought it was worth a go. Yesterday, I was in so much pain I could barely sleep, so I thought I’d feel better if I gave it a try.

AND-HOW-DO-YOU-FEEL-RIGHT-NOW?

Like all my energy got sucked out of me with a vacuum. I think it’s gonna be a while before I can stand.

Fine...We’ll just...rest for now.

...

*Monodam plumps himself down next to her.

I-AM-SORRY.

Huh?

MOST-OF-THE-INJURIES-YOU-STRUGGLED-WITH-CAME-FROM-ME. I-AM-APOLOGISING-FOR-IT.

Oh...It’s ok.

IT-IS?

Huh?

I-COULD-HAVE-KILLED-YOU. AND-YET-YOU-ARE-CHOOSING-TO-FORGIVE-ME. I-DO-NOT-UNDERSTAND.

Hey...I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any reservations about you.

But you made it right. And that’s what matters. You’ve done well to earn my trust.

You’ll have to work harder to earn mine, but...I get what she’s saying.

Thanks for the help, whatever it’s worth.

...

*Monodam hangs his head.

...

I guess it doesn’t feel good, huh?

HM?

Fighting your own family like this...Having to help me kill them.

...IT-WOULD-NOT-BE-THE-FIRST-TIME.

Why DID you kill your siblings back in the Killing Game?

I-HAD-MY-REASONS. THOUGH-ARGUABLY-NOT-VERY-GOOD-ONES.

I-HAD-SUSPECTED-PAPA-KUMA’S-WORDS-ABOUT-OUR-DEATH’S-BEING-PERMANENT-WERE-NOT-THE-TRUTH. SIMPLY-BECAUSE-I-KNEW-IT-WOULD-BRING-A-LOT-OF-DESPAIR-SHOULD-WE-SHOW-UP-AGAIN.

SO-I-WASN’T-AFRAID-OF-DEATH. AND-DURING-EACH-TRIAL-MY-SIBLINGS-ALL-DID-SOMETHING-THAT-UPSET-THE-BALANCE-OF-LOYALTY-WE-HAD-AS-A-FAMILY.

SO-I-TOOK-THEM-OUT-BEFORE-ANYONE-ELSE-HAD-A-CHANCE-TO. INCLUDING-MYSELF.

“Upset the balance?”

I guess you do say a lot about everyone wanting to get along, huh?

WE-SHOULD-GET-ALONG. WE-CAN-SHARE-IN-GRIEF.

THOUGH-I-DOUBT-YOU-WOULD-FEEL-THE-SAME-WAY. YOU-WOULD-NOT-KILL-YOUR-OWN-SIBLING-TO-RESTORE-BALANCE, WOULD-YOU?

At least you understand that much.

PERHAPS-I-AM-JUST-GRASPING-DESPERATELY-AT-STRAW...

Huh? Wh-What’s wrong?

...

YOU-TOLD-ME-YOU-WOULD-AID-ME-IN-MAKING-MY-OWN-WAY-IF-WE-EVER-GOT-OUTSIDE-RIGHT? 

I did say that, yes. Why, are you having second thoughts?

IN-A-WAY. I-DO-NOT-PLAN-ON-BETRAYING-YOUR-KINDNESS, AFTER-YOU-SAVED-ME, BUT...

But what?

I-REALIZE, EVEN-IF-YOU-WERE-TO-PUT-IN-A-GOOD-WORD-FOR-ME, I-DOUBT-I-WILL-EVER-FEEL-COMFORTABLE-LIVING-AMONGST-HUMANS, EVEN-IN-FUTURE-FOUNDATION.

AND-THERE’S-NO-CHANCE-OF-ZETSUBOU-TAKING-ME-BACK, EVEN-IF-I-KILL-YOU.

Ah...I get it...

You’re saying that your crisis is...you don’t have anywhere to go anymore, right?

NOWHERE-THAT-I-FIT-IN, IN-THE-VERY-LEAST.

I-CANNOT-TRULY-FIT-IN-WITH-THE-KUBS-BECAUSE-I-AM-A-ROBOT. I-CANNOT-FIT-IN-WITH-OTHER-ROBOTS-BECAUSE-I-AM-A-BEAR. I-CANNOT-FIT-IN-WITH-HUMANS-BECAUSE-I-AM-A-ROBOT-AND-A-BEAR.

THERE’S-NO-PLACE-IN-THE-WORLD-FOR-THE-LIKES-OF-ME.

...

Yeah I mean...That sucks...

Sora! Can you not be rude for 5 freaking seconds!?

Hold on, there was about to be a “but!”

...?

I was just gonna say I get how it feels, but that’s not something you need to worry about.

Yes, it’s true that lots of humans don’t accept things for what they are, but a lot of people in the Future Foundation are welcoming, and are willing to make peace for anyone. Even people who they may have once considered worst enemies.

That’s just how things are under Ms Naegi. She might seem cool and distant, but there’s hardly anyone sweeter.

If Kaede and I both put a good word in...She and the Future Foundation will help you find your place. If you don’t believe in them, believe in US.

ARE-YOU-SURE? HOW-DO-I-KNOW-THEY-WON’T-TRY-TO-KILL-ME-ON-SIGHT?

Well, the honest answer is we don’t.

But I think they’ll be willing to listen if Kaede and I explain that you helped to save our lives so...

Yeah, maybe keep doing that.

I...

It doesn’t feel good, does it...Getting into disagreements with your siblings? And not having the chance to make things right.

HOW-DO-YOU-KNOW?

You and I are the same...At least in that regard.

Kaori was the one person in my life who I thought understood me...But then we started to drift apart as we got older...And then she died before I ever had a chance to make things right with her...

That might have been what made me sign up for Danganronpa. Nobody came to my aid when I was in mourning, and I lost all faith in humanity. Just like you Kubs.

YOU-DID-MENTION-YOUR-SISTER...BUT...YOU-SEEM-SO-HOPEFUL, FREE-AND-HAPPY, COMPARED-TO-ME-AND-EVERYONE-ELSE. 

NOTHING-IN-LIFE-IS-GOING-YOUR-WAY-RIGHT-NOW. YOU’RE-TRAPPED-IN-HERE-WITH-NO-ONE-TO-HELP-ASIDE-FROM-ME-AND-KABUYA-SAMA. YOUR-LIFE-IS-IN-DANGER-EVERY-SECOND, AND-YOU’VE-ALMOST-DIED-SEVERAL-TIMES.

Uh...Thanks for the reminder.

SO-HOW? HOW-CAN-YOU-REMAIN-SO-HOPEFUL-IN-SPITE-OF-EVERYTHING? THE-NUMBER-OF-TIMES-ZETSUBOU-HAVE-TRIUMPHED-OVER-YOU-IS-SEVERELY-HIGH-COMPARED-TO-HOW-MANY-TIMES-YOU-HAVE-TRIUMPHED-OVER-THEM.

Alright, that’s a BIT of an exaggeration but...to answer your question...

It’s because I wasn’t alone. And I know that I never will be. And I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made in the past, trying to take matters into my own hands, even though it comes with consequences.

I stand that there’s nothing wrong with taking the problems of the people I love and making them my own, but I know now that we can’t solve these sorts of issues unless we do it as a team.

Like I told you, I lost the only person I ever truly considered family, and that’s what made me join Danganronpa. But after all that was done and we had a chance to live new lives here, I found a NEW family. Not just my Killing Game friends, but all the great people who I met along the way.

Like Sora!

Aww...Kaede...My heart would be melting if I had one.

Do you see what I mean?

...!?

*Monodam is caught by surprise as Kaede suddenly reaches over and hugs him.

You don’t have to be alone. Regardless of who or what you are, there’s always going to be someone who truly cares about you.

So...don’t feel so down and out so soon, alright?

...AKAMATSU...

You can call me Kaede. Since we’re going to be friends in here, we can drop the formalities.

...ALRIGHT. THANK-YOU-FOR-YOUR-KIND-WORDS, KAEDE.

I-ADMIT, I DO-NOT-UNDERSTAND-THEM-FULLY, BUT-I-WILL-ENDEAVOUR-TO-TRY-TO.

Just don’t give us any reason to regret putting faith in you. If you’ve got any remaining secrets, you might as well spill them now.

AH...!

Wh-What?

KABUYA-SAMA. YOUR-WORDS-JUST-NOW-REMINDED-ME-OF-SOMETHING.

Huh? What do you mean?

YOU-SAID-TO-SPILL-ANY-REMAINING-SECRETS. THERE-IS-ONE-SECRET-IN-THIS-LAB-THAT-I-NEGLECTED-TO-TELL-YOU-UP-UNTIL-NOW.

IN-TRUTH...DOCTOR-ANDO-WAS-NOT-THE-ONLY-PERSON-IN-THE-LAB-WE-WERE-DESIGNATED-TO-LOOK-AFTER.

Wait...What!?

Hold on...You mean...Someone else is in here with us!?

YES...HOWEVER-THEIR-CIRCUMSTANCES-ARE-VERY-DIFFERENT-FROM-YOURS.

What are you talking about?

CAN-YOU-STAND?

BECAUSE-I-BELIEVE-IT’S-BETTER-IF-I-SHOW-YOU.

[dancinginfreedom]

Today, I woke up feeling lethargic. My back and shoulder soring more than any other day that it did. But, I got up anyway. Went for my favorite mug in the kitchen, poured my usual morning hot karak into it. Rummaged through my plastic of groceries underneath my bed and found a pack of wafer to eat with my hot drink to welcome the morning. I reached for the book I’m reading these days, and just like that, I deliberately tried to start my day in a peaceful manner.

I was browsing instagram yesterday, and there was one particular reel that reminded me while clicking my loud keyboard at this very moment. It was about conventionally finding a reason to wake up each morning no matter how trivial it is. It was, in summary, finding your purpose each passing day. Today, it was freaking hard to do that especially with a back ache that screams “notice me, i need to be mended!”.

As I was slowly scanning my eyes through the words of the book in front of me telling “when you’re in an emotional state, empty your mind and take a break”, I unconsciously stopped and found myself staring blankly at the three-wick scented candle I lit at my bedside table while lying down on my stomach. Suddenly, everything felt so strange to me. Then, I knew, in that moment, I’ve never experienced this before….in a long while.

Afterwards, I just wanted to fall back to sleep even after having a full eight hours of sleep last night. I wanted to empty my mind and just give in to my desire of sleeping again despite not feeling sleepy. I was indeed in lethargy.

Yet, after that short peacefulness, my mind started to go full cycle at work again. I randomly wanted to write while my chaotic brain cells are somehow in sync with each other. I tried to save all these conceptual thoughts as much as I can that just kept flashing in a snap through my mind.

Just like that, in the rarity of all days, today was the day that my heart was at it again telling my brain “you’re still gonna achieve that dream to write your own book one day”. And unlike any other rare day, my brain agreed responding “I trust you, despite the chaos and messiness I bring to you every time you try to put all the floating thoughts in me altogether”.

I got out of bed, decided to take my shower to freshen up. And, here I am — typing a piece of my life story by sharing what my day looks like. Well, pretty much a day of choosing to first embrace my own emotional creases, without forcing myself to be positive nor to smile, bearing in mind the phrase “repressed emotions build up over time and would start to rot, blocking the way for all our feelings, even the positive ones”, from I’m Not Lazy, I’m on Energy Saving Mode.

It is better to release what you feel, deal with them head on than avoiding them by digging a hole to pile them up. Prevention is indeed better than cure. And when it comes to our emotional wellbeing, prevention might look like this:

“deal with me now, even recklessly is okay. it is better that way than not acting upon it at all”

Dealing with our emotions, fortunately, doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. It is making a space for a break — to feel and sit in with all that we feel. It is not even about understanding WHY nor figuring out WHERE they are coming from.

I do think that our emotions should not be left to harden and get swept to the side. Sometimes, just trying to understand our emotions AS THEY ARE without even knowing the answer, is THE ANSWER.

Stomach cramps just said “HI” to me while I’m trying to finish up this blogpost, unlocking the key why I’m feeling blue since last night and lethargic since this morning. Oh well, of course, I’m no exception to the hormones attack that every woman experiences whenever that period comes every month. And this makes me have the right to say…

ANSWERS do show up, from time to time, oddly most times, when we’re not even looking for them (ughh, but yeah, being a woman is so weird too, don’t you think? 🥺😬😅)

(this is the first ever post i’ve published on this platform after being on an unintentional hiatus for exactly a year and a half)

[synstruck]

well.

so i've caught the spicy cough. 🙃🙃🙃 and not even from my own carelessness, otherwise i'd be more mad at myself i guess-- flatmate got sick last week and her RAT came out negative so she didn't think too much about it, and while i tried to keep my distance regardless by keeping to my room as much as i could, she spends most of her time in the living room watching telly and her brain fog was so bad that she'd come into the kitchen while i was in there and coughing while walking around behind me haha. i'm just surprised i didn't catch it earlier all things considered.

but yeah. onset was pretty quick, i had a bit of a tickle in my throat on Monday evening, which i just chalked down to having had just spent all day talking on the phone more than usual (we were down one and a half people of a tiny team at work), and then woke up Tuesday morning feeling a definite slight sore throat and congestion in the nose.

was feeling well enough to talk to my flatmate to crosscheck symptoms and say i was feeling pretty ok......... then everything else set in all at once, a grand total of fifteen minutes later. fever, headache, joint pain, more congestion, chills... the works. then i proceeded to spend the rest of the day in bed, dead to the world, hot wet towel on my face for half the morning then switching to multiple cold wet towels and an ice pack for the rest of the uncomfortable day and half the restless night.

once my fever broke at 3AM, i was able to sleep restfully until 7AM when i called in to work and finally do a RAT-- meant to do one last night but i was so out of it i wouldn't have been able to concentrate anyway.

the way my stomach dropped when the positive line came up was unreal-- i'd literally turned away for three seconds to throw out stuff after dropping the liquid in the cartridge, and when i turned back the positive line was clear and solid. my flatmate had already left for work for the day when i shocked her with the news that she had COVID haha.

my supervisor said it was probably good to get a solid week off work because she's noticed i'm trying to do too much and working too hard, anyway, so this forces me to focus on actually resting, especially since the worst of it seems to be over for me-- yesterday i was so miserable and unwell i couldn't even be a baby about being sick, but today i'm well enough that i've been joking about catching covid once the shock of it wore off.

anyway i'm feeling a little under the weather still today, but i'm trying to be good and get some solid bed rest and minimize computer screen time... but i also hate typing long-form on my phone anyway and it'd take far longer to do that than it would to get out of bed, so a sneaky computer jaunt it is.

i only have a headache, the nasal congestion, and a sore throat lingering from yesterday now, but i have developed a cough which is incredibly annoying and also irrationally stressful bc now every time i cough my brain is going LOOK AT ALL THE COVID GERMS EVERYWHERE NOW!!! stop it, brain.

gonna be good and go back to bed now!