#anyways going back to bed now gonna try and force myself to stop thinking about my cold blorbos. no easy feat! :-)

[andrew-rannells-mustache]

Too tired to write a deep analysis post rn but do you think there’s some significance in EC carving EC on his sea chest (maybe/possibly at the beginning of the voyage) -> “Hickey” carving Hickey and CH on the Hickey knife (maybe/possibly sometime in mutiny camp/after the walkout)?? Like he carves his old name/initials on stuff when he’s becoming someone new or starting a new chapter. Carves EC into his sea chest as they set off -> casts off EC’s identity to become Cornelius Hickey. Carves Hickey onto his knife once he’s in mutiny camp -> casts off any name/identity to (attempt and obviously fail to) become Tuunbaq’s shaman. Reconfigure reinvent rearrange etc etc. Does this make any sense or is this just a bunch of words thrown together

[cameronluvr]

BABY TRAPPED — dark!rafe x fem reader

summary: rafe purposely gets you pregnant against your own will after you choose the pogues instead of him.

warnings: 18+ !!, DUBCON, forced pregnancy, toxic relationship, abusive relationship, dark!rafe, arguing, fighting, choking, SMUT, fingering, slapping, unprotected sex (p in v) forced sex, jealous!rafe, kinda stalker!rafe, kidnapping(?), creampie, teen pregnancy. (lmk if anymore!)

: ̗̀➛ 𝓶𝔂 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ PART 2

you had been at john b’s chateau for most of the day hanging out with your friends, but you’d promised your parents you’d be home before midnight. looking at the time on your phone, you noticed it was 11:13 pm.

you’d been drinking a little bit, and so had your friends, so driving home wasn’t an option. “guys, i’m gonna need to leave soon�� you say over the mild volume of music playing.

“why?” kiara asks. “my parents told me i had to be home before 12. they’re kinda worried about me because of the whole.. you know.. rafe thing” you reply.

over the past few weeks you’d been going through a rough breakup with rafe. you couldn’t handle him anymore. his anger, his jealousy, his everything. he was no good for you anymore, and with the whole rafe vs pogues situation, you had to pick a side. your boyfriend or your best friends.

you had to pick your friends. there was no other choice, no other way out. rafe had tormented your friends for months. he pulled his gun on them, he beat them up, he attempted to kill kiara and his own sister sarah. and he almost killed you.

you’d lost track of how many fights you had with him, how many times he hit you and you hit him back. the screaming wars you’d have always ended up with him choking you or slapping you, and ward having to physically pull him away from you.

you just couldn’t put up with him anymore. he was manipulative, toxic, and most of all abusive. your friends knew about all of this, and tried so hard to get you away from him, but you couldn’t escape from him. he’d always convince you otherwise, guilt trip you, lie to you, twist your words…

“ya’ want me to walk you home?” jj asks, sitting beside you, smoking his blunt. you think about it for a second, but decline his offer. “thanks, but i’m okay, really. i’ll be fine” you nod and smile. “you sure?” sarah asks from across the room as they all practically look at you as if you were crazy. rafe was crazy, and if he saw you alone, only god knows what he would do…

“yeah, i’m good. i think i need to be alone anyway. take a nice walk by myself” you shrug. you hadn’t really had much alone time in months, considering you had a boyfriend glued to your hip out of distrust.

“okay, well, please call us if you need us, m’kay?” sarah says, walking over to you to hug you. she’s worried for you the most, you’re her best friend and her own brother is ruining your life. “i will, promise” you smile, standing up to hug her tightly.

“love you, y/n” kiara says with a smile as you walk out the door, saying bye to them all. you blow a kiss to kie before shutting the door behind you. they all know you’re going through a tough time, so they’re trying their best to be there for you and look out for you. they all love you.

walking home now, you stroll down the dark, long road ahead, with nothing surrounding you but tall trees and dim streetlights. no people, no lit-up houses, just dark and quiet streets with people in bed.

you walk for ten more minutes before you hear a car approaching from behind you. you give it no thought though, not wanting to worry yourself. the car gets closer, as if it were going to drive straight past you, but suddenly, you hear the car slowing down and eventually stopping right next to you. you don’t want to look, but you have to.

your heart sank into your chest when you noticed rafe’s black range rover, right as the window rolled down. it was rafe. “y/n get in.” his tone demanding and angry. “no, leave me alone.” you quickly turn around, power walking away. however, he only follows you. he slowly drives, following you, speeding up and slowing down whenever you do.

“y/n just get in i wanna talk” he says out the window, resting his arm on it as he watches you, attempting to talk to you. “rafe, leave me the fuck alone.” your voice gets louder, but you’re not yelling, yet. “save yourself the hassle and get in for fuck’s sake” he says, getting more frustrated by the second.

“no” you say, not looking in his direction at all. “oh my god” he says, sighing before putting the car in park and getting out. “no, go away!” you say, attempting to run but he grabs you before you can. you thrash around in his arms before he picks you up and drags you to his car.

“put me down!” you yell at him, trying to fight him but he is much stronger than you are. he opens the passenger door, shoving you inside before quickly getting in the drivers seat and locking the doors.

“what the fuck are you d—” you scream at him before his hand roughly covers your mouth, shutting you up. “i just wanted to talk, but you always have to make it hard, don’t you?” he says, eventually letting go of your mouth and seeing a mark left over from how tight his grip was.

“i don’t want to fucking talk! you yell as he rolls the windows all the way up so nobody can hear you fussing. “i don’t care. who the fuck do you think you are?” he yells at you, making you flinch. “what?” your eyebrows furrow.

“choosing those fucking trash pogues over me. are you serious? dumping me for them?” he argues. you’ve had this argument with him plenty of times, he seems to not be able to let it go. or let you go. “rafe. i didn’t want to be your girlfriend anymore, okay? you’re abusive, you’re mean, you’re—” you say, only to be cut off by his laughter. “abusive? for wanting to protect you? for wanting the best for you? right” he squints his eyes. “wanting the best for me? are you serious? you’ve done nothing but hurt me, and hurt my friends, including your own sister, by the way!” you argue, but he scoffs and tuts, as if they were nothing.

“because i told you so many fucking times to stay away from them, didn’t i?” he screams in your face, watching as you flinch with fear. “yeah, you did, but they are my friends, rafe, sarah is my best friend and you tried to kill her? she’s your fucking sister you should love her more than you love me” you say, voice getting higher out of frustration for him. how can he be so naive and cruel?

“her? she’s no sister of mine. that bitch has always been against me” he scoffs, speaking so lowly of his own little sister. “no she hasn’t, rafe!” you try to tell him, but every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie according to his delusions.

“right, whatever.” he rolls his eyes at you and your ‘lies’, but he just doesn’t want to accept the truth. he’s the problem, he turned everyone against himself. “i love you, yeah? i never stopped” he suddenly says, looking at you.

“well i have.” you say, but hearing those words were gut wrenching to him. you crossed the line. he unexpectedly and quickly reaches over, grabbing you by the throat and squeezing his fingers.

“i never wanna hurt you, y/n. you make me do it. i want to love you, but when you’re running off with your little friends behind my back, you make it hard to trust you, yeah?” he explains in his usual manipulative tone.

“rafe…” you force out, feeling as his grip tightens, his nails basically digging into your skin. “can you let me love you like i want to? like i’ve been trying to?” he asks, watching as your face turns redder and redder.

he loves watching you struggle, it was his favorite part of having power over you. it’s like it turns him on to hurt you. “please.. stop…” you struggle to say as he just keeps begging for your love.

“y/n, let me show you how much i really love you. please?” he asks softly, looking at you with adoration as if his own hand isn’t almost causing you to lose consciousness. he was psychotic. “ok.. ok.. yeah.. just let me go” you choke, nodding your head as fast as you can. you didn’t want to agree, but you had to otherwise he wasn’t going to stop.

and who knows what he would’ve done if you had passed out? you’d dread to think. “yeah? atta’ girl. i knew you’d come to terms with me sooner or later” he says, smiling as if he didn’t force the right answer out of you. he lets go of your throat, loving the sound of you gasping for air and regaining your breath.

you wanted to hit him so bad, you wanted to insult him and call him names but most importantly, you didn’t want him to actually kill you. “let’s go somewhere private, hm?” he suggests, like you could say no. you stay silent in his passenger seat, nodding at everything he’s saying, submitting to your fear of him.

he puts the car into gear and begins driving off. he drives five minutes down the road before turning down an off road path which lead to the lake, but he stopped in the secluded path surrounded by more trees, and more darkness.

turning his engine off, he turns to face you. “do you love me?” he asks. you’re terrified to answer. you’d be lying if you said yes, but if you said no, you’d find out. “…yes” you gulp, fearing him deeply. “good girl” he smirks, smelling your fear like a dog could.

he loves it. he loves you being afraid to say something he doesn’t want to hear, that’s the first step to being the perfect girlfriend in his eyes, you always know the right answer.

he turns in his seat to face you, reaching his hand over to your thigh. he rubs it, trailing his hand up and closer to your pussy, but you shift your legs the other way to move his hand away, making him grab your thigh and moving it back to where it was.

“don’t act like you don’t want it. you just said you love me” he leans over, darkly whispering in your ear which sent shivers down your spine. “i.. i do” you lie, not wanting to send him over the edge. he smirks at your words, leaning his head down to your neck to kiss it. you don’t want his touch, but you need it.

“rafe…” you whisper, trying your best not to want it but it’s difficult when he’s kissing your neck and moving his hand up your thigh again, only this time you don’t move your legs when he gets close to your pussy. you’re wearing jeans, so you feel his hand unbuttoning them which made you nervous, but you let it happen anyway.

“what baby?” he whispers, lifting his head from your neck to look at you. “i—” you say, cut off by the feeling of his cold hand slipping into your jeans. you jump at the temperature of his skin, which made him laugh. “come on, just take it” he licks his lips, looking at yours before kissing them. you kiss him back, and eventually start making out with him.

mid kiss, his hand slips into your panties, making you hum a moan. “you like that?” he asks, rubbing circles on your clit before breaking the kiss. “mhm” you hum, but his other hand reaches behind your head and grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back. “use your words, princess” he tells you, his dark eyes staring into yours. “…yes.” you hesitate to say, but you go along with it for your own safety and his sanity.

“hmm.. good” he smirks, letting go of your hair and kissing you again before his hand slid down your pussy, to your hole. you gasp at his sudden movement, but he chuckles at you. “you’re so wet. i’m always turning you on, huh?” he says, opening his mouth and mocking your gasp.

you chuckle too, wanting him to know you’re on the same page. after seconds of his fingers teasing your hole, he slides two of them into you. you gasp, moaning as his fingers fill you up to his knuckles. “so deep..” you moan, tensing up in your seat at his touch.

but it wasn’t long before he had you stripped off and sitting on his lap with the seat pushed all the way back. “fuck” he moans at the sight of your pretty tits, his hands grabbing your ass cheeks.

“if we do this… will you leave me alone after?” you ask, terrified to say but it needed to be said. “yeah, of course, i promise” he says like it’s nothing, like he didn’t even hear those words come out of your mouth. you were expecting a different reaction, but he had a different plan.

you felt like you had to have sex with him one last time for him to be able to move on from you. or so you thought that’s how it would be. “i love you, but if i need to leave for you to be happy, then i will” he says, almost believably.

but that was a lie.

pulling his boxers off allowed his hard dick to spring out, hitting your leg. you both giggle before starting to make out again, where his hands slid from your ass cheeks to your hips, his fingers twirling the sides of your panties before pulling them down and off your feet.

“ride me, princess” he says, both of your warm areas touching. you nod, lifting yourself up and positioning yourself above his cock before his hands roughly gripped your waist, pulling you to sit down on it.

you let out a loud moan of pain and pleasure. “fuuuck” he drags, closing his eyes as he pulled you up and down, choosing the speed and roughness for you. your moans cried out, you didn’t know if it hurt or felt good more.

“i missed you so much. i missed this pussy” he tells you, his hands roaming your naked back as his dick harshly thrusts up into you. “i missed you” you say, knowing you didn’t mean a single word. your horniness and desire to please him took over.

“you’re mine, baby” he tells you, his fingernails digging into your hips, making you cry out. he was so good at pleasing your pussy that you ruled out the pain he caused. “…always” you say, starting to question whether or not he was being honest about leaving you alone.

his pace is rough, he’s fucking you so harshly that you don’t think he’s ever gone this hard on you before. it hurts, but it hurts so good. “ow.. fuck.. rafe” you moan loudly like a porn star. “that’s it, baby” he says, feeling closer and closer to coming each time he thrust up into you.

your legs start to burn and ache, and he can tell by how much your legs are shaking. so he pulls you off of him, and guides you into the back seats where he climbs over after you.

he lays you down on your back, spreading your bodies over the three seats. he positions his cock near your pussy again, before sliding in with no warning. you moan, wrapping your arms around his back and gripping his shoulders. “fuckkk” he moans in your ear, making you much wetter. no matter how much you hate rafe cameron, his moans were your weakness.

the rougher and meaner he got, the more aroused he was. it wasn’t long before he started choking you, and slapping you around. it’s what he does during sex. he loves the power, he loves the dominance he has over you. you allowed it, though, because this was the last time. right?..

minutes later, you you felt him speeding up and becoming more tense, which meant he was gonna finish any second now. you, however, weren’t even close to finishing. it did feel good, but it didn’t change your feelings for him. you can’t come over somebody you hate so much.

“fuck baby.. ‘m gonna cum…” he says, twitching his dick as he empties his load into you. you moan at the feeling of his warm cum filling you up and leaking out after. he slowly pulls out, smirking knowing he’s hiding a huge secret from you.

he snuck into your house a few days ago while you were out with the pogues, and swapped your birth control pills for fake ones. but you had no idea…

it wasn’t until two weeks later when you were throwing up in your toilet, and crying your eyes out when you realized you’d missed your period. “fuck” you say, grabbing an emergency pregnancy test from the cabinet above the sink. you had them hidden in there just in case.

you take the pregnancy test, pacing around your bathroom for five minutes straight, waiting for the results. boom. the alarm you’d set on your phone goes off, five minutes is up. you switch the alarm off and gulp, slowly reaching for the pregnancy test. you pick it up, and gasp when you read the answer.

POSITIVE.

what the fuck are you supposed to do now?…

NOT PROOFREAD. probably some mistakes, but my FIRST smut writing?!?!😩😩 plssssss lmk what y’all think! <333

@cameronluvr

[likeumeanit9497]

metal | m.s. |

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summary: y/n got a few new piercings, and when her best friend matt asks to see them, she can't say no

warnings: smut; unprotected p in v (bad); oral (fem receiving); masturbation (m/f); phone sex; dirty talk; 18+

notes: hiii guys. i feel like tumblr's flakiest writer ever coming back on here every few weeks with a one-shot and telling u all im gonna be more consistent but then just not being consistent at all. i just started a new college program and it is taking up so (!!!!) much of my time, so ive been barely able to put any time towards writing for funsies. soooo it might take me a couple weeks to put out one shots (sad) while im in this program, but i swear im doing the best i can. i appreciate u all so so so so much, but matt girls this one is for u <33

With a sigh of relief, I crawled into bed. It was late, and I was exhausted after a long day of dealing with family shit. The only thing that got me through my day listening to my dead-beat father come up with yet another excuse on why he no-showed at my birthday dinner was the promise that, at the end of the day, I would be able to curl up in bed and forget all of my problems. Now that time had come, and I couldn’t wait to turn on some trashy reality TV show and lose myself in their cushioned world for a little while.

Just as I started the show, I felt my phone vibrate beside me. For just a moment I was filled with dread — thinking that I would be once again pulled back into the drama that was my father — but once I saw the name at the top of my screen, I felt my body relax. Matt was calling.

Matt was my best friend, and he had been for years. Him and I met on the first day of school freshman year, and immediately became inseparable. He was the only person in my life who I ever felt comfortable around enough to truly open up to about my problems. There really wasn’t much in my life that he didn’t know, so of course I had told him last night that I was going to see my father, and of course that was why he was calling. Annoyingly, I felt a smile creep up on my face. I hated that I loved how involved he got with my problems; as if they were his own. I would never admit this to anyone, but it really helped because it made me feel less alone.

“Hey you.” I greeted him after accepting the call. “Hey Y/n.” His voice sounded familiar in my ear, and already it calmed the sea of bad thoughts crashing in my mind. “How did today go?” He asked, keeping his tone light. I knew though that if I could see his face, there would be faint lines of concern etched in his forehead. I sighed. “Exactly like I knew it would. He gave me an insincere apology and weak excuse the way he always does.” Matt stayed silent on the other side of the call, allowing me the time to tell him as much as I wanted. His soft breathing through the speaker, however, comforted me and let me know that he was listening.

“He smelled like a distillery and couldn’t stop slurring his words, yet he was still trying to tell me that he hadn’t drank all week.” I heard my voice weaken, and I hated that I felt a lump forming in my throat over the situation. I hated that I cared, and I definitely didn’t want anyone to know that I did; even Matt. But of course, he knew anyways. I heard an empathetic sigh through the phone. “I’m sorry, Y/n.” I rolled my eyes, doing everything I could to keep the tears from falling. “It’s whatever. It’s not like I’m really losing much, but I did tell him that I’m done for good.” I forced my words to come out smooth, like I didn’t care. And I didn’t, not really.

“That must have been really hard, Y/n. I’m really sorry.” Matt’s words were sincere, and they caused the lump in my throat to grow even bigger. I forced out a laugh to keep my other emotions at bay. “Don’t be sorry. It’s better this way. Maybe now I can finally have peace in my crazy life.” There was silence on the line, and I knew it was because Matt wanted me to go deeper about my feelings, but I couldn’t handle much more tonight.

“Anyways,” I started, blinking away my tears and plastering a corny smile on my face as if Matt could even see it, “How have you been? We haven’t talked much over the past week.” At the change of subject, Matt picked up on my disinterest in the topic of my father, and like the best friend he is, transitioned into our new topic smoothly. “I’ve been good, been working a lot but it’s been on exciting things. What have you been up to? You know, besides today?” I chuckled softly.

“Honestly not much besides work. My boss has been really stressed out since the end of last quarter so I’ve been coming into the office early and staying well past five every day.” I paused, staring up at my ceiling trying to think if there was anything exciting I could tell Matt. Suddenly, I remembered that there actually was something that I had done that was more interesting than just working late all week. “Oh! I also got some new piercings last week.” It was Matt’s turn to chuckle.

“Y/n, how the fuck did you fit more piercings on your body?” I laughed. He was right, both of my ears were filled with every piercing imaginable, and I also had my nose, tongue, and belly button pierced. I had already told him that I would never get anymore facial piercings, and I certainly didn’t have much room on my ears to get more, so I understood his confusion entirely. “Do you want to guess where they are?” I teased, feeling relieved to have something to talk about that didn’t make be absolutely miserable for once. “Sure,” I heard what sounded like a blanket rubbing against the speaker, and I assumed that Matt was now getting comfortable in bed, also seemingly enjoying the light-hearted conversation, “But can I get some hints?”

“Sure,” I replied, “You can ask me three questions.” I heard him smile through the phone. “Okay…” There was a pause as he came up with his first question. “How many did you get?” Without hesitation, I was able to respond. “I got three.” There was another pause, and then. “Are two of them a part of a pair?” I laughed at Matt’s not-so-subtle guess. I had told him months ago that I had been wanting to get a certain pair of piercings for a while, and I knew he was thinking of that exact conversation. “Yes they are.” I replied, and there was a dramatic gasp on the line. “Ouch, you actually got your nipples pierced?” His voice was laced with playful concern, and something else. Intrigue?

“Okay okay, you got two out of the three. One more question left.” I encouraged him. If he was shocked about my nipple piercings, I couldn’t wait to hear his reaction to the third. He was silent again for a moment, surely confused by the third piercing. Nipple piercings weren’t that outlandish for me, and he knew that, but this last one is sure to blow his mind. “Oh god, I don’t know. Is it another body piercing?” His tone sounded so helpless, and I knew he really didn’t have a clue. “It is, yes.” I did my best to contain my laughter at this point, not wanting to give it away.

“Is it a second belly button piercing?” The guess was weak, and by the tone of his voice he knew it. “Nope.” I replied, biting my nails in anticipation. He was once again silent on the phone, and I knew he was officially running out of ideas. After a moment, I decided to give him one last hint. “Think lower.”

A new silence poured from the phone. Before, there was the silence of deep thought. Now, there was a heavier silence that let me know he finally put it together in his head. Below your belly button, there aren’t many places you can get pierced. He knew that just as much as I did. But I didn’t know if his silence meant he was just shocked, or if he was genuinely disappointed in me. For the first time since becoming friends with Matt, I felt nervous that maybe I had gone too far.

“You’re serious?” He asked, finally breaking his silence, and I couldn’t help but release a short, nervous laugh. “Yeah. Why? Did I just delve too far into the daddy-issues stereotype?” I tried to keep my tone humorous, but inside I was actually worried that was true. Did he think I was weird now? Or did the fact that I had a piece of metal pierced atop my bundle of nerves immediately turn me into some dirty whore in his eyes?

“No! Jesus, no Y/n.” His rushed words put a pause on my spiralling thoughts, and I felt myself relax slightly. “It’s just,” In that moment, I wished that I could see his face. At least then I would have better odds of being able to read him instead of just waiting helplessly on the other side of the phone. He was struggling to find the words he wanted to say, and in my mind that meant he was getting ready to give me some sort of lecture. It wasn’t something that he was in the habit of doing, but I had also never done anything as shocking as this before. I began to prepare myself for this lecture, and come up with explanations and excuses for what I had done, when his hesitant words stopped me in my tracks.

“Can I see them?”

I stared at my phone for a second, unsure if I was just hearing things. “You want to see them?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking, for clarification’s sake. I was shocked. Even with how close Matt and I are, we had never ever seen each other naked. In fact, there had been no physical intimacy between us other than platonic cuddles every once in a while. I would be lying, though, if I denied ever having moments of weakness. There had been times, when we would have sleepovers after tough days and the heat of Matt’s comforting body pressed against me, where I had wanted to throw all logic aside and press my lips to his. But I never would have done it. Matt wasn’t exactly known for his boldness, and I feared that my bad habit of being spontaneous would absolutely destroy our friendship. But now, he had me questioning all of that.

“I’m curious.” He replied, his tone nonchalant. I still couldn’t tell if he was being serious, and I felt like a deer in headlights. Just as I was about to tell him to stop fucking around, my screen lit up with a Facetime call from Matt. My stomach did a flip. “You gonna pick up?” His voice made me jump, but I cleared my throat and hit accept.

Suddenly, Matt’s face filled my screen. He was in his bed, the only light in his room seeming to come from a faint source; likely his computer screen. His face was so familiar, and the smile he sent me so comforting, that I immediately felt more at ease than I felt before. “Hey.” He said gently, and I laughed at the ridiculousness of this moment. “Hey” I replied before shifting my position in bed nervously. “So you were serious?” I asked awkwardly, and he nodded. “If you’re okay with it, obviously.” I took a deep breath. I was okay with it, of course, but it was just so out of the norm for us that I felt shell shocked.

“I’ll show you nipples first.” I said, sitting up in my bed before grabbing the bottom hem of my oversized t-shirt. I positioned my phone in front of my still-clothed chest, and watched his face on the screen. He laid naturally in bed, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary, but the way his dilated blue eyes were glued to the screen I could tell that he was feeling the same kind of anticipation that I was. Slowly, I finally lifted my shirt up over my chest; allowing him a full view of my new piercings.

I intentionally left the shirt up to block my own vision, because I couldn’t handle watching him stare at my tits for the first time. In the dark, all I heard was silence for what felt like forever, and I got worried that I had somehow lost him. Cautiously, I pulled my t-shirt away from my eyes, and glanced at him on the screen. He was staring intently; I could see his eyes move from one tit to the other every few seconds, and there was a slight grin across his face. “Wow.” He said finally, still taking them in. “Those are sick piercings.” I stifled a laugh at the fact that he was still trying to act like it was all just about the piercings, and that there weren’t two tits attached to the metal. “Thanks.” I replied, a small chuckle still evident in my voice.

I allowed him a few more seconds of shameless staring before speaking again. “You ready for the third?” I watched as he blinked a few times and took a deep breath. “I can’t wait.” He replied, causing my stomach to do another flip. I brought the phone back up to my face as I laid back down, smiling at him nervously as I pulled my comforter off my lower body. I was only wearing a pair of panties, so I already felt shy when I positioned my phone in between my legs. I used the front camera still, hoping that it would allow him a better view, but hated that you could still see the lower part of my face.

Matt hadn’t moved in his bed since I looked at him last. In fact, it almost looked like his image was frozen. His eyes were still glued to the screen, and he seemed to be barely blinking; as if he was scared that if he did, he would miss it entirely. “Okay, ready?” I asked, using the hand that wasn’t holding the phone steady to grab onto the side of my panties. Even in the almost-dark of his room, I could see him gulp before nodding his head. “Ready.” He replied.

Slowly, I hooked a finger under my panties, and pulled them to the side. In the blink of an eye, all of me had been revealed to Matt through a screen inches away from my core. My eyes veered back and forth from myself in the phone and Matt’s expression. I could see the shiny metal glitter against my pink clit, and watched as Matt visibly struggled to keep his composure. Neither of us spoke for a moment, and I felt myself begin to tremble under his shameless stare. I grew nervous, then, that my body would begin to give away how suddenly aroused I became under his eyes. My core was flooding with heat, and I knew that I was beginning to grow slick with my wetness.

“Does it hurt?” He finally spoke, but his voice had changed drastically since I had last heard it. It had dropped nearly a whole octave, and there was a sort of breathlessness to it that was foreign to me. It was the voice of arousal, and that knowledge was enough to drive me crazy. “N-no, it doesn’t,” I replied, using all the strength in me to not squeeze my legs together to relieve some of the pressure flooding my core. “It’s been a week, and these sorts of piercings heal really quick surprisingly. I can touch it and everything.” My last sentence fell from my mouth thoughtlessly, and I immediately felt my cheeks grow hot at my accidental boldness. That didn’t last long, though, because Matt’s next words pulled all that heat right back to where it was before.

“So touch it then.”

It was like all the sense was knocked out of me from his words. I would have thought that my instinct would have been to laugh and roll my eyes before telling Matt to knock it off, but the seriousness of his tone, the sharp blue of his piercing eyes, and gruffness of his voice caused my brain to shut off. Immediately, my hand traveled to my bud, where I began to slowly play with the metal. Although I had been telling the truth when I told Matt that it was fully healed, I hadn’t yet touched myself in this way since getting it pierced, and the new sensation immediately sent pleasurable shock waves through my body. As I began to slowly rub my clit, the metal added a new level of pressure to the nerves that — combined with the adrenaline that came from doing this in front of my best friend for the first time — caused me to throw my head back against my pillows.

“Tell me how it feels.” Matt’s deep voice filled the space around me in a way that made me feel even more erotic, and I released a soft moan. “I-It feels good.” I replied breathlessly, my fingers beginning to move quicker as I squeezed my eyes shut in pleasure. “Better than before?” His question came out slightly choppy, and through the phone speaker I heard the rhythmic shuffling of his comforter. “Y-yes. Much better.” I managed to reply, the thought of what he was doing to himself on the other side of the screen pushing me closer to the edge.

“Look at me.” He commanded, and without hesitation I lifted my head up; looking at him through the screen. He could only see the lower half of my face, but I could see all of his. As I continued toying with myself, I watched him through fluttering eyelashes. Although his face had not changed much — besides the darkening of his pupils and the faint accumulation of sweat on his brow — the repetitive movement of his bicep at the corner of the screen told me everything that I needed to know. “You look so good.” He complimented me, his voice low and gravelly. I moaned in response, rolling my hips slowly as I began to grow antsy with a need that I knew I couldn’t fulfill myself.

The pleasure was growing like a balloon deep inside of me, but my own fingers weren’t enough to reach it. Not now; not when I have a beautiful man that I trust more than anyone else watching me with that dangerously erotic gaze. Just like Matt knows everything about me, I know everything about him. And so I know that, in this moment, he wants the same thing that I do. That’s why I didn’t feel any unease or hesitation when I drew my fingers away from my clit, ran them achingly slow along the rest of my heat, and spoke.

“Please come over Matt.”

It was a request that I had made to him countless times. Those times I was usually close to tears after a long day of dealing with the shitty cards I had been handed in the family department. I needed him then, like I need him now. In those times he never ever hesitated, and this time was no different. In one swift motion, I watched through the screen as Matt lifted himself out of his bed, threw on a t-shirt, and grabbed his keys off the bedside table. “I’ll be there in ten.” Just like my request, his response was the same as always. As I told him to drive safe before hanging up the call, I felt my body vibrate in a way it never had before. I pulled my hand out of my panties and waited in desperate anticipation for the familiar sound of his car pulling into my driveway.

𓆩☆𓆪

Matt arrived at my place in eight minutes, and as soon as I saw his headlights through my window, I sprung out of bed and raced to the door. There was no nervousness, no reluctancy, no questioning whether or not we were making a big mistake; all I knew was that I needed his hands on my burning skin desperately.

I flung the door open before he even had a chance to knock, but Matt didn’t hesitate before pulling me into him and engulfing my mouth with his own. Although we had never kissed before, it wasn’t shock that I felt in that moment; it was the melting satisfaction of familiarity. I practically collapsed in his arms as his mouth moved against mine as if they were two pieces of a puzzle, and relished in the feeling of his hands travelling wildly across my aching body at last.

As he held me gently against the wall, I felt his hardened member press against my core, and I shuddered in pleasurable frustration. In that moment, I could have lost all self control — pulled his pants and boxers down in one movement and slipped his cock into my aching core right then and there — if he hadn’t grabbed onto my ass and lifted me off of the ground. Without removing his lips from mine, he carried me past my entrance way and all the way into my dark bedroom as if he had memorized every square inch of my place.

As he continued to kiss me with hungry desire, he paradoxically draped my body gently against my bed. Leaning over me, his mouth refused to leave mine and his tongue begged me for entrance. I obliged, and our tongues swirled together with comfort; as if they were old friends. The sound of our heavy breathing filled my head, and I ran my hands along his body; allowing myself to feel him in a way I never had before. Each part of him felt familiar — his back, his arms, his stomach — but each new part of him I touched set off sparks of electricity under my fingertips. This was real, and this was good.

It was only after I began toying with the waistband of his pants, and he the hem of my shirt, that our lips separated and we really looked at each other since the moment he arrived. Both of our chests were heaving as we tried to catch our breath, and I gazed up at his darkened eyes for what felt like forever, until a soft smile crept onto his swollen lips. “Hi.” He said, and I released a short laugh realizing that this was the first word either one of us had said to the other since hanging up the Facetime call. “Hey.” I replied, a smile matching his now etched onto my face.

“Can I take this off?” He tugged on the bottom of my t-shirt, and I nodded. “Please.” I replied, feeling no shame in my clear desperation. Matt obliged, pulling the shirt up over my head and exposing the tits he had seen on Facetime not long before. There was a pause, and for the first time since we started all this I felt briefly insecure. That is, until I looked up to his face and saw his jaw physically dropped in awe. He looked like he had fallen into some sort of trance, and mindlessly brought his two gentle hands toward my hardened, pierced nipples. He ran a soft thumb against each piercing, and I hissed at the deliciously taunting sensation.

“Do these ones hurt at all?” His voice was soft, almost a whisper, but his eyes never left my chest. “These ones do a little, yeah.” I replied, to which his eyes finally fluttered up to my face with slight concern. “But it’s really not that bad.” I added, reassuring him out of fear that he might suddenly not want to continue. This seemed to help, as his eyes made their way back to my chest before his body suddenly began tilting forward. He leaned above my chest, really only centimetres away, and I watched as he placed two small, unbelievably gentle kisses against each hardened nipple. The ecstasy I felt in that moment caused me to release a soft moan, and goosebumps spread across my skin like wildfire, and I suddenly realized that I needed him more than ever.

As if reading my mind, his mouth then began moving slowly down my writhing body. He took his time on my sternum, then the skin below my belly button, then my hip bones, and I felt like I could explode. My hands flew to his hair and I subconsciously tugged at its base in decadent frustration. And then slowly, so, so, slowly, Matt began dragging my soaked panties down my legs. I felt like I could crumble under his gaze, but his eyes never left my newly exposed core. Blinking ever so slowly, he dropped to his knees and grabbed my shaky legs to part them. Once he did, I watched as he groaned softly at what he saw.

I knew without having to look that I was literally dripping from arousal, and that hunch was confirmed when Matt took one finger and dragged it along my slit; collecting the overabundance of fluid. He didn’t even take his eyes off of my centre, he just brought his wet finger to his mouth and wrapped his lips around it; so transfixed by what he saw in front of him that he didn’t even care to make a scene of tasting me for the first time. I had never felt more glorious than I did in that moment, and it was so overwhelming that I could have came just from sight alone.

Slowly, Matt’s mouth inched closer and closer to my clit, before he carefully wrapped his lips around it. Upon the first contact of his warm tongue playing with the cool metal of my piercing, I was hit with a powerful wave of pleasure that shook my whole body. As he picked up speed, swirling and sucking my bundle of nerves, I couldn’t control the sounds that fell from my lips. Moans of pleasure, pain, and anticipation filled the room, and they only seemed to draw similar ones from Matt.

Matt slid two fingers into me with ease, and began pumping them in and out in rhythm with the movements of his tongue. His fingers were curled up to just the place I needed them to be, and I felt what was left of my sanity begin to crumble as I approached an orgasm. The orgasm that I had been desperately needing since our Facetime call. It’s impending presence had taken control of my mind for what felt like forever, and now it was finally threatening to take control of my entire body. Yet, still, I needed more.

Quickly, before the first waves could crash, I pulled Matt’s face away. Immediately, his blissed-out expression quickly changed to one of concern, but before he had the chance to speak, my desperate voice filled the room. “Please Matt, I want to cum with you.” His features softened before understanding flashed in his eyes. Without saying a word, he stood up and began unzipping his pants. I waited in anticipation, watching with hungry eyes as his painfully hard member sprung free from his boxers. Once he had fully discarded his clothes, he leaned down and kissed me so deeply that I saw stars. His mouth tasted like me, and I couldn’t help but slip my tongue past his lips; intoxicated by the combination of me and him on my tastebuds.

I felt his naked member press against my core and I shuddered from pure lust. I was so engulfed in the intensity that I was afraid I would fall into pieces as soon as he slid into me. Breaking the kiss, Matt straightened himself out and grabbed my legs before placing them on either side of his waist. The two pieces of us that needed each other the most right now were just inches from one another. My eyes fell between my legs, and I watched in euphoric awe as Matt grabbed his swollen member, lined it up with my centre, and slowly pushed into me. His movements were so torturously, deliciously slow, my eyes rolled and my head fell back onto the mattress.

On each slow roll of his hips, his cock slammed into my g-spot and made my vision go spotty. I held onto his flexed shoulders like I was drowning and they were my life raft, and I released harsh guttural moans each time my walls stretched; welcoming him graciously. “Fuck, you feel so good.” Matt’s raspy voice fluttered my stomach, and I opened my eyes to come face-to-face with him. He was staring down at my contorted face with a look filled with nothing but pleasure and adoration. His flushed cheeks and dark pink lips gave him a look that bordered on innocent, but there was a certain hint of hard focus in the depths of his ocean eyes that told me he was feeling as good as I was.

Each time he thrusted into me, the soft crest of his pelvis brushed ever so lightly against my new piercing; granting me a new form of pleasure that I had never experienced before. I had been told by other people that the piercing can be intense during sex, but I had underestimated just how intense it would be. I had no sense of control as Matt’s cock continued to drive into me, and I couldn’t help but vocalize how he was making me feel.

“J-just like that Matt, fuck!”

“Your c-cock fills me s-so go-od!”

“H-harder, please baby!”

At my last statement, Matt showed he was listening by suddenly slamming into me harder and faster than I had ever felt before. He grabbed my legs and wrapped them tightly around his waist, and as I arched my back in pleasure he draped one of his arms around it and used the other to hold my jaw; brushing it lightly with his thumb to ensure me that his gentleness had not completely disappeared. His breathing quickly grew more and more rapid, and deep grunts fell from his mouth every few seconds.

I was hit with shockwaves of pleasure upon each of his thrusts, and I knew that my orgasm was closer than ever. I dug my nails into his back and tightened my legs around him in a desperate and subconscious attempt at getting as close as possible to him, and it was clear that there was no stopping the orgasm that was bubbling inside of me. “G-gonna cum Matt.” I squeaked out, rolling my hips up slightly deepen his thrusts even more. “Good girl, want me to cum with you?” His words were in my ear, and even the dampness that his mouth made against my skin added to my unraveling euphoria. Beyond the point of being able to speak correctly, I simply nodded my head frantically.

As I did, Matt released the deep moan that pushed me over the edge. My orgasm took control of every cell in my body, and I cried out in overwhelming pleasure as it tore me to shreds. I felt my body stiffen so much that I was practically lifting off of the bed, and my walls pulsed intensely as I squirted violently all over Matt. Just then, I felt Matt’s body stiffen above me, and his movements became a whisper as he cursed into my ear. “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.” His moans rang in my ear with each of his weak thrusts, and I felt his twitching cock paint my walls white as he came undone in unison with me.

Eventually, his body stilled completely, and he rested above me as we both caught our breaths and came down from our highs. His cock slipped out of me, and I immediately felt cold and empty in its absence. After a few moments, Matt lifted his head from my shoulder and gazed at me with a soft smile on his face.

“Damn.”

“I know.”

”I mean, that was-”

“I know.”

We continued to stare at each other, both with matching smiles on our faces, until I dissolved into childish giggles.

“What?” Matt asked, unable to keep himself from laughing as well. “What?” He asked again, nudging my shoulder gently as I giggled. “I mean come on,” I continued to laugh, “That was crazy. Don’t you think it was crazy?” I looked at him, starting to feel the first hints of regret now that it was over and we had to go back to being friends. “I don’t think it was crazy.” He replied simply, before bringing his lips back to mine. This kiss was different than the other ones we shared tonight, though. There was no hunger, no lust. There was just love.

He pulled away after only a few moments, and I looked back at him with what I was sure was confusion all over my face. “I have never felt less crazy in my life than I’ve felt tonight.” Matt continued, and I felt my stomach flutter, “Tonight, everything finally feels right.” I felt a bashful smile form on my lips. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel the exact same way. “So,” I started, unsure of how to maneuver this, “What now?” Matt got up.

“Well,” He began, grabbing his discarded t-shirt and using it to gently clean me up, “It’s late and you’ve had a long day, so I think we should get some sleep.” I propped myself up on my shoulders and watched as he began to clean himself next. “And then when we wake up tomorrow, we’ll go get some breakfast and talk about what we both want.” He walked into my adjacent bathroom and started the shower, the way he has done a thousand times before, before walking back to where I was and helping me off the bed.

Once I was on my feet, he placed another gentle kiss against my lips, and I felt my insides melt at the comfort of his touch. “But if I’m being completely honest, which you know I always am, I think we both already know we want the same thing.” I looked up at him through nervous eyelashes, and had to chew my bottom lip to stifle the massive smile that was threatening to take over my mouth. Matt had no problem showing his huge smile, and he tilted his head quizzically in my silence. “Am I right?” He asked, and instead of responding with words, I leaned up and placed a kiss of my own on his lips.

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

[specshroom]

★ - Some assistance

You and your boyfriend are lounging on the couch in the living room, winding down after a long day. He's drinking his evening tea and reading while you unsuccessfully distract yourself by flicking through channels on the TV. You decide to just come out and ask what you've been meaning to ask for awhile now.

"Kento? Do you think you could make me squirt?"

This poor man chokes on his tea and almost messes it on his home shirt. He just looks at you with a face that says "Why would you ask me something like that so suddenly?" You just look at him deadpan waiting for his response. He clears his throat and composes himself, realising it was a somewhat serious question and his girlfriend (soon to be fiancé, hopefully) wasn't just playing some dumb joke. 

"Well... I'm sure I could try, Y/n. But why bring that up so out of the blue, if you mind me asking."

He responds, as polite as always. He makes you feel so safe in his presence it's almost supernatural.

"Uh... I've just been thinking about it for awhile, I guess." He places his mug on the coffee table, the one that says "Live, Laugh, Love" in exaggerated curly font, courtesy of Gojo. He doesn't know why you insist on making his tea in that mug but he drinks it every time anyway. He brings your legs into his lap and lightly massages them silently asking you to continue. 

"I'm just curious to see if I can is all. Whenever I've tried to do it myself, I always just get too sensitive and stop, but... If I had someone else do it, I think I might actually be able to."

You explain this to him almost like a scientist explains their hypothesis, like you've thought about it for awhile. He rubs under your shins and thinks for a bit. he would very much like to be the one to make you squirt and he's confident in his abilities but he also doesn't want you to be upset if you end up not being able to do it.

"I also just think it would be really hot if you made me squirt." 

That breaks him out of his thoughts with a disbelieving huff. 

"The problem is that when I get sensitive I'm gonna be yelling for you to stop out of second nature. But you can't stop Kento, you have to keep going until I either squirt or say the safe word. Can you do that, Baby?" Nanami looks up at your serious face, you really have thought about this quite a bit. He nods his head, sealing the deal. You just stare at eachother for a moment longer, the TV still going in the back. You break out in a smile, unable to keep the semi-serious atmosphere. 

"Can- can we do it now?" You ask the man on the opposite end of the couch while you try and stifle a giggle. 

Nanami smiles and pulls you closer to him by your legs. You yelp as you get yanked into his lap where he attacks your neck with kisses. He hoists you up and starts walking to the bedroom. Once he sets you onto your shared bed, you start removing your shirt and shorts while he rummages in the cupboard for a towel that he puts down on the bed before undressing himself.

You're almost shaking with excitement and anticipation. Nanami sits against the headboard in nothing but his boxers, placing the towel on the bed in front of him. He watches as you turn to him with that sultry look in your eyes. You crawl your way up the bed on all fours until you're right between his muscular thighs. Your hands glide up his thighs and waist, you kiss him with need and he reciprocates. You break the connection to feel yourself up infront of him and sensually take off your bra. You present yourself to him and kiss him again before turning around and pressing your back to his chest. 

His hands go to your waist to gently squeeze and rub there. You spare no flare when taking off your panties and you adjust yourself so that both your legs are wide open, slightly bent and his stronger ones are over yours, forcing them to stay open.

"Put your legs like this so that it stops me from closing mine when it gets too sensitive." 

You say as you help him into the position you want. Nanami chuckles and bends down to say lowly into your ear.

"You really have thought this whole thing through, huh?" 

You flush and nod your head as his hand moves down your body to where you want him the most. His touch is gentle at first, lightly stroking down your clit and lips, gathering wetness with his fingers. He starts to work his finger into you and gently rubs your clit with the other hand, coaxing you to melt into his touch. You start moaning and groaning with the pleasure your wonderful boyfriend is giving you. 

With both his hands working on your pussy so diligently, it's no wonder your first orgasm washes over you pretty quickly. Nanami keeps going at the same steady pace after you cum and it's the first out of the ordinary occurrence in this session. You usually would get a grace period after you cum to come down from the high but you and Nanami have a goal. The fact that you get no chance to come down at all is fucking with your brain and the fucked out feeling is just multiplying every second his strong hands play with your pussy. 

Nanami lays back a bit, forcing you to also lay back and expose yourself a bit more as you begin to writhe and squirm. One hand is still diligently circling your clit as he works his two middle fingers into you, slamming into that perfect spot inside you over and over and over again. You get louder and more frantic as the second orgasm hits you. Your head falls back on Nanamis chest as you groan his name. 

"Uuuuh Fuck! Feels so good Kento, soo good, so good, s' good, s' good, s' gud." You mumble and moan to him. Your second orgasm hits you full force and the pleasure doesn't stop or slow down, in fact it only gets more intense. He doesn't even slow down despite you're kicking legs and bucking hips.

Nanami eventually brings you to a third orgasm, now things really start to feel sensitive and your whines and cries of overstimulation get louder but the man doesn't tire. He keeps going, mumbling things like "Cmon, cmon Love." And "You can do it Darling". 

Before you know it the fourth wave hits you like a train, this is where you get frantically desperate as you realize he isnt even slowing down. You're now actively trying to get out of his iron hold, trying to close your legs just a little but his strong thighs keep you open for him. You're squirming and struggling and crying out.

"Wait wait wait wait!".

Your pussy is so raw and sensitive, you almost beg him to slow down but the man is going even stronger now. He's more precise with his movements, touching all the right spots with just the right amount of force to make you weep. 

"Wait Ken! It's sensitive, stoooop stopstopstop!" You hands go to his to try and make him slow down a little but Nanami isn't having any of that. You set out a goal for yourself and clear rules. He is going to make sure you reach your goals like the good partner he is.

He cages your arms against your chest with one arm hugged around you while the other still goes at your clit, rubbing frantic but deliberate circles into the pink flesh with his callous palm. The wet slick sounds of your pussy being bullied by the man you love are drowned out by the sounds coming from your mouth.

You're screaming now, legs shaking and kicking, not nearly strong enough to budge against Nanami's thick thighs forcing them wide open. Your entire body begins convulsing and spasming, you swear you feel like you're going to pee but you don't even have the mind to be concerned about that. You can only scream an intelligible jumble of pleas at this point as your nails dig into his arm. 

"Cmon Honey, just one more f'me, your doing so well."

The praise makes you go even dumber as you're quickly brought to the end of your rope. The last strand snaps and a tidel wave of violent hot pleasure comes crashing down on your entire being. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, your screams turn to silent hiccups and overwhelmed chokes.

Your body convulses violently and your back arches off Nanamis chest as he holds you tightly to his chest. It's by far the most intense orgasm of your life and you don't even register the jet of clear liquid shooting out from you untill you hear Nanamis loud groan at the sight.

"There you go, that's my girl."

You're brought back to earth and let out a long groan as Nanami presses up on the hood of your clit to force more squirt out of you, the feeling is even more euphoric than you thought it could ever be. 

Nanami pats your pussy, making sure he gets every last drop out as your wetness trickles down your pussy and ass onto the towel Nanami set down, which was definitely not enough to keep the bed dry. You drop your body completely limp onto Nanamis chest as you both catch your breath.

Nanami releases your arms and your hand immediately goes to cup your swollen, abused pussy with a whine. Nanami chuckles and runs his hands down your back and around your waist, soothing you, bringing you down gently while mumbling little praises. You curl up on top of him and dig your face into his neck with another small whine. 

"Love you s'much." You mumble into his hot skin. He chuckles at you once again. 

"I love you too, Baby."

-★

[jenniferjareauwife]

On Repeat

pairing: jennifer jareau x cowgirl fem reader

category: hurt/comfort

warnings: rape

word count: 1063

summary: it's around the anniversary of when you were raped but you haven't told jj so she keeps trying to initiate sex but you're not in the mood

JJ's hand rode a bit higher up my thigh, caressing it teasingly as she bit her lip. I was watching tv but her eyes were only on me. "Look at me baby." She demanded in a low voice.

"I'm not in the mood Jayje." I mumbled, putting her hand on my knee instead of my upper thigh. She sighed and squeezed my knee. I could tell she wanted to say something but was holding back. "What is it?"

"Did I do something?" Her voice was small. I furrowed my brows.

"What do you mean?"

"I've tried to initiate sex probably a thousand times the last few weeks and you've turned me down every time. It's ok if you don't want to have sex but you've never turned me down this many times before. So...did I do something to make you mad? Or uncomfortable?"

"No you didn't do anything." I huffed and got up to get some water. I didn't realize she had noticed I was turning sex down so much and I didn't realize she was thinking it was because of her.

"Then what is it baby?" She got off my couch and walked over to me, hugging me from behind. "We see each other two days a week...and I love having sex with you. I'm not gonna force you to do anything you don't want to do. It's ok if you don't want to have sex that's completely fine...I just want to know what's wrong."

"Nothings wrong JJ, ok?" I gripped my glass tightly.

"Ok...ok I'll stop pushing. But if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here." I nodded and went to my room for some alone time, crying into my pillow so quietly she couldn't hear.

When I went to DC the next weekend to see her she tried to initiate sex again. I didn't have the heart to tell her no, especially after I realized that she thought it was her fault. So I gave in and the next thing I knew I was naked on her bed. She kissed down my neck lovingly while I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to suppress memories I had tried so hard to forget. "You're so fucking beautiful baby." She moaned against my neck. "I can't wait to make you feel good. Get up. I wanna hit it from the back." My heart dropped but I did it anyways. I rolled over onto my stomach and she lifted my hips so my ass was in the air. This was the exact position I was in when it happened. I tried to tell myself it was JJ. It wasn't him, it was my beautiful, loving girlfriend who would never do anything to hurt me.

No matter what I told myself my brain kept spiraling. My mouth was dry and the memories were playing on repeat. I felt her like herself up and I froze, my whole body just stopped working. Suddenly I was the 19 year old girl again who got raped in the back of a bar. "Hey...hey baby." I felt JJ's hand on the small of my back. I didn't feel the tip of the strap anymore. Did she realize something was wrong? "Hey hey hey baby talk to me." I tried to speak but my voice caught in my throat. "It's ok. Can you get onto your back for me?" I did as she said very slowly. It was taking so much brainpower just to move my limbs. "Good girl."

"JJ." I was able to say her name.

"Yeah baby? What is it?" She reached out to touch my face and I gave her a small nod, telling her she could.

"I can't...I can't do it I'm sorry. I thought I could but I can't." I sniffled, my bottom lip quivering.

"That's ok my love. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do." She caressed my cheek gently, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. "And I know you might not want to talk about it right now but I need to know what happened. What made you react this way?" My lip trembled at the thought of telling her. Would she even look at me the same way? She looked at me with soft, loving eyes and it took me everything in me not to break down.

"I-I when I was 19..." I trailed off, avoiding eye contact. I wasn't going to be able to do it if I was looking at her.

"Would it be better if you couldn't see me?" JJ asked softly. I nodded so she got behind me. "Is it ok if I spoon you?" I nodded so she draped her arm over my waist, pulling me as close to her as possible.

"When I was 19...I was in a bar." I sniffled. "I had a fake ID and I wanted to go out with some friends, you know? Normal dumb teen stuff." JJ pressed kisses on my back from behind, calming me down. "A-and I met this guy. I think he liked me or something cause he kept trying to talk to me. I-I told him I wasn't interested but he kept talking to me." I let out a choked sob.

"Oh baby." She cooed, rubbing my stomach. She knew where this was going.

"I don't really remember what happened after that...I just know...that the next thing I remembered-" I got cut off by a shaky breath. "I was in the back of the bar- and he was behind me." I sniffled. "Thrusting into me."

"My love I'm so sorry that happened to you. Did it trigger you when I got you into that position?" I nodded.

"It's around the anniversary."

"So all those memories are coming back up, huh?" She kissed my shoulder and stroked my hair.

"Mhm. And I know I should've told you sooner-"

"Hey. None of that." She kissed my ear and my jaw. "You tell me things on your own time." I relaxed and pressed my back further into her. She held me tighter before kissing the back of my head. "You're safe with me baby."

"Thank you...for making me feel safe."

"I'm glad you feel safe with me. I'm happy to be your safe space whenever you need me to be. I love you so much. Don't you ever forget that."

"I love you too."

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

Hi! Cause you forced me to acknowledge how many damn WIPs I have (rude) I shall now send you an ask about yours 😌 So I'm gonna be super shameless and predictable and ask about that one Spite Lucanis x Rook fic I spy in there 👀👀👀

from this tumblr game thank you!! :)

ahahahaha well. this was indeed a character exploration about Spite's involvement in Rook/Lucanis' relationship but uhhhhhhh taken to the logical and less favorable conclusion than i have seen in fanfic so far, hence the word "interruption" in the title 😂 posting a longer snippet because... really i've just been writing random scenes for their relationship and am not sure if/when/how i will structure it into fanfic yet (handful of one shots? a longer thing? i am so low on free time though 😭 idk)

timing is after the romance lock-in but before the act 3 romance scene, so Rook & Lucanis are together as a couple but haven't slept together yet... though they may have been heading that way before Spite decided to get involved. under a readmore for length!

STOP, Spite suddenly roars, surging forward from the back of Lucanis’ awareness. The demon’s wings burst forth, their first downward stroke hard enough that it sends him reeling backwards, away from Rook. “What?” he cries, and “—what?” Rook echoes in sudden alarm, as their bodies tumble apart, Lucanis barely managing to throw out an arm to brace his fall as he crashes to the stone floor of the pantry. His feet tangle in his discarded waistcoat and trousers as he leaps back to his feet, nearly sending him to the floor for a second time.

He looks around wildly, for the attackers or whoever else is responsible for Spite’s sudden disquiet. But there is no one. No demons, no Antaam pulled into the Fade, not even one of their companions wandering too close on accident. He fumbles at the table for one of his knives anyway, trying to listen, to figure out where the danger is coming from. “What’s going on? Spite, what happened?!”  There, Spite says, all calm satisfaction now. If you kept going. She would have come. Now she wants more. “She—excuse me? Spite, what are you talking about?” Lucanis demands. She will think about you all night now, the demon replies happily. If you kept going. It would have been over. “I—why would you do that?! That’s not how it works!” “What’s he saying? What’s going on?” Rook stands in front of the bed, frantically staring around too, searching for enemies that clearly never existed. Her hair is still rumpled from where his hands had tangled in it, her breaths still coming fast and heavy.  He cannot believe he has to not only sit here, disgraced and ashamed, but he is left alone in actually explaining what’s happened. “Mierda. He did it on purpose. He thinks it’s—fun. To stop us.” He presses a hand over his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Spite—ohhh. Oh.” “I’m going to kill him,” Lucanis says flatly. “I’m going to take myself out back and—” I’m RIGHT, Spite howls in defiance, baring his teeth inches from Lucanis’ face. Despite himself, he flinches back. You wanted. Her to think about you. MORE! “No, stop that, it’s fine,” Rook tries to soothe him, her hands scrabbling to re-fasten her tunic around her waist. As though this catastrophe is something she can just brush off. “I guess we should figure out, uh, how Spite—how you and he—” “I can’t talk about this,” he mutters into his palm as he drags his hand down his face, dropping to sit back down on the cot again.. “This is not happening.” He knew Spite was a part of him. He was resigned to his presence, was growing used to the new precautions his life involved. He even, though he hated to admit it to himself, enjoyed the extra momentum and power the demon brought when they fought against enemies. What he hadn’t considered was the demon barging into the personal, intimate—   You did it BEFORE, the demon sulks. And it WORKED. She wanted to kiss you more because you stopped. “That was different,” he snaps in response. He ignores Rook’s baffled expression at his half of the conversation.  “I mean—he is Spite,” I guess, Rook acknowledges. “Uh, maybe I should leave you two to talk about this together?”

Panic surges in his chest, as he bites back his urge to shout No! at the suggestion. But she doesn’t deserve to half-witness the mess of the argument he’s already having. He was an idiot. He should never have assumed something might be going right in his life for once. “I don’t even know what to say to him,” he can’t help saying in exasperation. “He doesn’t listen, just does—whatever he wants.” What YOU wanted! You SAID it! I was only HELPING. “Well. You said you didn’t have much experience with, um, relationships—” “I don’t think this counts as the kind of experience anyone has, Rook,” Lucanis responds, dropping his head into his hands again, elbows resting on his knees. “I can’t exactly stop him from—he sees what I see. What I… feel.” Admitting it fills him with shame. He should have told her before this. Whether or not she’s guessed, there’s no avoiding it now, or pretending anything in his life could ever again be normal. Simple.  “No, I just meant—maybe try to explain it to him, is all.” Rook sighs, and he can hear the shift of fabric over skin as she tugs her clothing back into place. He wonders if she can see the bright flush of shame to his skin behind his hands. “He’s only got your memories for how to interpret the world,” she continues. “Maybe he… misunderstood something.” He doesn’t want to tell her that Spite probably understood more than he did himself. Lucanis certainly hadn’t realized just how close she’d been to—he shakes his head to clear away the thought.  “You two will figure this out,” Rook says, with a firm conviction he does not mirror. She leans forward and kisses the top of his head, but he can’t bring himself to raise his face to meet her gaze. “I’ll see you at dinner later.” He hears her soft footsteps pad to the door, and slip away, out of the kitchen and back to the other parts of the Lighthouse. Maybe if he never leaves the pantry, he won’t ever have to think about this again. Maybe she’ll forget the whole thing ever happened.  Won’t forget, Spite cackles gleefully. Definitely. Won’t forget.

[backtothefanfiction]

All The Good Girls Go To Hell | TF!Boys Mafia AU~ Part ONE

Summary: When Phoenix comes home to find her fiancé banging some other girl, her whole life changes seemingly overnight. Forced to go back and live with her Dad, she's about to be dragged into a life with the men her Dad is indebted to.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY (Mature Content), Dark Mafia Romance Au, setting things on fire, swearing, dead parent, debt, mental health issues, brain tumour, broken family, anger issues (female rage), AFAB OFC, objectification of the female body, pyromania, little bit of theft (smut to come)

Word Count: 3.8K

A/N: I didn't need to have yet another idea for a story. I also didn't need to write it straight away, but I recently read Den of Vipers and figured I could do something better featuring the Triple Frontier boys. I don't know how many parts of this there will be, or how regularly this will ultimately be updated, but I thought I'd share anyway. Smut will come, featuring all four guys this time. This will use an ofc but apart from the hair, there aren't too many descriptors. This will also be written from multiple characters points of view throughout to keep things interesting. Enjoy!

ONE

PHEONIX

My fingers itch as I grip the steering wheel tighter. I should have worn gloves, I say to myself as I drop one hand from the wheel and rub it vigorously against my torn jeans, hoping the friction from the denim will- at the very least- satiate the itch left behind from the lighter fluid long enough for me to get to the next gas station, so I can stop in and wash my hands properly.

It was reckless of me really- the whole damn thing. My brothers taught me better than this, but then again, everyone said I had a temper that was only second to Archie’s in my family- so I’m really not that surprised. People say my Dad used to be equally hot headed before he got remarried to Marina and took over the club, but I’ve still yet to see it- even after all the shit me and my brothers have pulled over the years. It’s like after our Mother died he just gave up. But I don’t blame him. I would too if I lost the love of my life to a fucking disease like that. I had barely known her anyway, so I didn’t really notice all that much when the brain tumor turned her into a “literal monster”, as my older brothers used to so fondly call her when she was on one of her rampages.

I’d always said that my only real memory of her was when she tried to burn down the house by settling alight to the curtains in their bedroom. I remember we all stood out on the front grass as the smoke billowed out of the windows and mixed with the night air. Archie stood on my right holding one of my hands, E.Z stood on my left holding the other. Maybe that’s why I’ve always had a thing for fire myself. Messing about with lighters, setting things on fire- all so I can try and understand that night… At least, that’s what a therapist would probably say.

My Dad tried to make me go to one once, after I ended up burning down the whole science block at my school at 16, but alas, that never happened. Which is why I’m probably still using fire as a coping method after all these years.

My phone is blowing up by the time I reach the nearest gas station. I scan the messages from my brothers over quickly as I pull into the lot.

Deano: Heard what you did, I’d say he fucking deserved it.

Archie: Dad is pissed. Gonna try to calm him down before he does something stupid.

E.Z: Seriously, Phe, again! Dad is gonna be so pissed.

Leo: Just heard about your latest work, props little sis, I think your balls might be even bigger than Dean’s.

Rolling my eyes, I shove my phone in the glove box as it begins to buzz again. Uhh, I really don’t want or need a lecture right now about how I should or should not have acted upon finding my fiance in bed with another woman. Did I over react… by some people’s standards- maybe. But did I also live out every woman’s fantasy of dousing the bed in lighter fluid and striking a match whilst they were still in the bed… yes- yes I did- and do I give two fucks about any repercussions? Absolutely- fucking- not. Because there won’t be. Never have been. My Dad works for some of the most powerful men in the city- and I’m not talking about the Governor or the Mayor. No- someone will send some money over to keep them sweet and in a couple days time, everything will go back to normal.

I scrub at my hands with the shitty cheap soap in the tiny cubicle inside the gas station to the point the giant rock, still on my finger, almost slips off and down the drain. It’s the first time I’ve thought about it. I’ve been wearing it so long, it’s just an extension of my hand at this point. What am I gonna do with it? I mean- it’s worth a fucking fortune. Freddie was fucking loaded after all. None of it fucking his mind you. His Dad was a close business partner for the same guys my Dad worked for. Let’s just say, crime pays and his Dad has made so much money over the years working for Santiago Garcia and his crew, Freddie has never had to lift a single finger, let alone do a days work, to get what he wants.

I grab a handful of shitty paper towels, drying off my hands and the ring, holding it up to the fluorescent bathroom light. Uhhh it wasn’t even my style. I hate diamonds, they’re so basic and boring. Give me a massive fuck off ruby or saphire anyday. 

Still unsure what to do with it, I tuck it into the back pocket of my jeans before assessing how I look in the mirror. It’s like waking up from the weirdest dream and not recognising yourself. I look at my blonde hair in the mirror, the plain white t-shirt covering my breasts. I look like one of those young Barbie, trophy wife wannabe types. Where did the color and fun go? He drained it all out of me.

In college, when I met Freddie, I had pink in my hair and always had on something bright. At least my ripped jeans still have some character. 

Exiting out back onto the shop floor, I grab myself a large bag of cheetos and a cherry icee- that's as big as my head- from the machine in the back. As I place the large bag of cheesy puffs on the counter, I take a large sip of my drink, before placing that too on the counter, reaching for a pair of bright yellow heart sunglasses on a display next to the cashier.

“What d’ya think?” I ask the portly man behind the counter, who’s polo shirt doesn’t look or smell like it’s been washed for at least two weeks with its armpit stains and ranch dressing smear on the front.

It’s obvious he’s trying to come across as if he’s not checking out my whole body as he looks at me, but his eyes scan lower than my face, falling on the V neck of my t-shirt and my breasts for a hint too long. I flash him a sickly sweet smile as I take the sunglasses off my face and hook them into my shirt where his eyes seem to linger instead. “How about now?” I ask.

He quickly clears his throat as he looks back to the register. “Uhhh, yes- Yes- I think they suit you, yes.” he rambles and I can’t help but laugh. Men like that were always so predictable.

I reach for the icee taking another sip and try to school my features when I get brain freeze. “With the sunglasses,” he says, “16 bucks.” I sigh, but fish a couple notes out my back pocket and hand them over, just as my eyes land on a lighter covered in black and white harlequin print. My fingers instantly reach for it.

I turn the lighter over and over again in my fingers before flipping the top of it open and striking up a flame, my eyes getting lost in its amber glow as it sways hypnotically back and forth. It instantly takes me back to not 20 minutes ago and Fred and the girl’s screams, as the bed covers went up in flames and they both shot out from underneath them as he screamed about how much of a psycho I was. 

The ding of the till draw brings me back to the present and I flick the lighter closed. “Oh, and I’m taking this as payment for you oggling me.” I smile at the balding cashier, as I pocket the lighter and grab my bits off the counter.

I can hear him calling after me, “HEY, COME BACK HERE! YOU NEED TO PAY FOR THAT!” but I just laugh and take another sip of the slush and place the sunglasses back on my head.

As I walk back to my car, I notice a bum, sitting in the shade of the wall at the back corner of the station. As I look at him, I can feel the weight of the ring in my back pocket, dragging me towards him. Hey, the ring might not have changed my life, but it doesn’t mean it can’t change someone else’s life.

“Hey.” I say, lifting the yellow sunglasses on top of my head so I can meet his eyes. “Catch.” I toss him the ring. It sparkles as it hits the afternoon sun and I know from the look on his eyes as it makes contact with his fingers, he feels like he just won the lottery. “Pawn it. Get whatever you want with it, I don’t care.” I say as I begin to turn away from him and back to my car.

“Uh-thank you.” he says at first in shock, “Thank you.” he says again, a little more confidently now.

“Don’t mention it.” I shout back to him as I unlock my car with a chirp and climb back inside. 

I open the bag of cheetos, taking one and popping it in my mouth, before dumping them on the passenger seat and reaching to open the glove box, taking my phone back out.

7 more texts from my brothers and 5 missed calls from my Dad; with a final text saying:

DAD: Get your ass home. NOW!

Well, that does it then. I guess I’m going back to the old family home.

I start the engine, shuffling through the radio stations until I find something I like. When I hear the opening riff for Britney Spears’ Toxic, I stop and whack the volume all the way up. My tires screech as I speed out of the forecourt. I sing at the top of my lungs all the way home.

☆

I’m not through the door five seconds when E.Z is trying to usher me back out again. He’s always been the softer one. Third born. The middle child. Always overlooked, but still always trying to appease everyone.

“Dad is pissed.” He says, when he meets me in the foyer. After Mom tried to burn the house down, the place got remodeled. My Dad had to sell his soul to the devil to do it, but it meant we got to stay in our family home. Well, sort of. 

The whole left side of the house needed rebuilding, which meant they got to extend it out a bit more. We lost the basketball court the boys liked to play on, but it meant they finally got their own rooms so they didn’t mind. 

“I know.” I say to E.Z, waving my phone in his face with one hand, while I take a sip of my icee with the other. 

“Give me that.” He says, snatching the drink from my hand, the contents within the straw almost going everywhere as he rips it straight from my mouth. “This is serious Phe, Andy,” Freddie’s dad, “has already been on the phone making threats. You know how important he is for the business. He’s threatening to cut off the club’s supplies.”

“And….” I shrug, before reaching to take back the large cup in his hands. He merely moves it further out of my reach. “Look, I’m sure the guys who own the place have other connections he can use.”

“You sure about that?” My brother presses, raising his eyebrows and looming over me.

“Oh come on, you telling me those four wannabe goodfellas bozos, haven’t got some other dipshit on their payroll to import and export shit for them off record to help keep club costs down.” 

E.Z’s face is a picture. Eyes wide, face serious. It’s clear from his expression and his mouth that keeps gaping like a fish as he tries to get a word in, that he thinks I should shut up. “What!?” I hiss at him, but as I’ve been ranting and raving, I haven’t heard the second set of feet that have made their way through the front door into the foyer. E.Z’s face turns pale as he looks behind me to the figure and back.

“Oh no, don’t stop on my account.” A forced casual voice comes from behind me.

I turn my head and follow the voice to one of the most gorgeous men I have ever laid eyes on. All tanned skin and dark curly hair, a smattering of grays mixed in- the only hint to his age. I frown as a familiarity falls over me, but I can’t quite place from where. “I’m sorry- do I know you?”

He slides his fingers into his trouser pockets, his foot tapping slightly as he looks me up and down. “Oh you know, I’m just one of those bozos who’s now having to help clear up your mess.”

Before I have a chance to respond, my Dad and Archie step out of his office at the end of the hall. “PHEONIX!” My Dad’s voice bellows and I blanche, maybe that anger isn’t as far away as I thought. 

I turn away from the stranger in his Armani suit by the front door, to my Dad, flashing him my sweetest smile. “Hi, Dadd-”

“Uh- No!” He says, holding up a hand to stop me, “Don’t you dare-” He stops as he spots the other gentleman in the foyer. “Pope.” He says, his demeanor growing lighter as he greets the man who actually owns his ass.

“What kind of name is Pope?” I hiss to E.Z under my breathe, but he just nudges me to shut up.

“David… Archie…” Pope nods his head to the two men. “Shall we talk in your office.” He says, nodding back down the hall behind him.

“Uh- yes. Yes.” My Dad says nervously, turning his body to indicate for him to follow him back, before shooting me a stern look, telling me to behave and that this was far from over.

“Pheonix.” Pope nods to me as he passes, a faint smirk in the corner of his mouth and a look in his eye that I could only describe as fascination. But it quickly disappears again as he turns back to my Dad.

As the door to my Father’s office closes, my brother begins to ferry me towards the stairs. “I’d get up there and stay out of trouble if I were you.” He warns. 

I roll my eyes at him before I slip the yellow, heart shaped sunglasses, down over them with annoyance, snatching back my icee, before I stomp upstairs- as usual, out of sight, out of mind.

~

POPE

“Mr Garcia, I am so sorry for my daughters behavior. I really had thought she’d grown out of this,” David Leacher says, as I sit myself down in one of the leather armchairs in his office. “And I never thought she would do something like this that would put your well balanced business in jeopardy.”

I fain disinterest about the subject, because really, it doesn’t actually bother me all that much at all. Sure Andy is a bit pissed now on behalf of his son, but from what I hear, if you’re gonna go sneaking around behind your soon to be Mrs' back and she finds out, you kinda get what your asking for. To be fair, I gotta give the little lady props; it takes real guts to dump lighter fluid on a guy and strike the match, regardless of the consequences. 

“… I just don’t know what to do with her.” David says, slumping back in his chair behind his desk with a large glass of bourbon in his hand. 

“And this is why I never got married and had kids.” I say, giving him a tight lipped smirk. There’s an awkward pause between us, the only sound in the room, the ice clinking in David’s glass as he takes another nervous sip, his hand shaking slightly in anticipation, waiting for the slap on the wrist he thinks is about to come. “Look David, I’ll get to the point, Andy wants compensation for the money he’s already forked out for the wedding.” David puts his drink down and begins rubbing his temples as if this whole ordeal is giving him a headache. 

He sighs, turning to me, an earnest look in his eye, “Pope,” he says softly- imploringly- “you know I don’t have the money for that-“

“I know.” I say, cutting him off. “That’s why, we’ve decided to franchise Medusa’s. We are going to acquire two more clubs, you’ll get a pay rise and oversee all three venues, to help cover the costs. We get more money coming in through the clubs, you get more money to pay off Andy- everyone’s a winner.” 

The look of relief on David’s face is a picture. “Oh thank you, Pope- uh Mr Garcia.” He says, as his whole body seems to let out a very long breath that he had been keeping tight in his body, probably since the first call he got this afternoon about his daughter’s antics. “Thank you, thank you.” He seemingly pants.

“Look Dave, you’re a good guy- a loyal guy-“ I say honestly, “you work hard, you run Medusa’s well. Profits have been up 30% since you took over. I’m not gonna jeopardize that over some silly tiff between a couple kids.”

“No, no… thank you.” He says quietly, acknowledging my words as I continue to speak.

“Whether this had happened or not, we were going to come to you with this proposal this week anyway. Help you pay off your debt to us quicker too- you know.”

“Yes… thank you, Pope. Thank you.”

“Very well then.” I nod to him. “I’ll call Andy, let him know everything is settled.”

“Thank you, Pope, thank you.” He says again. 

David is a good man- a loyal man. He runs our most popular club well, but it was a real shame how soft he had gone in his old age. Ever since he lost his wife, he’s never been the same. Then he married that wannabe wag Marina- who does nothing but spend the rest of what little money he has coming in after he repays some of his debt to us- and walks all over him. Back in the day he had really made a name for himself bare knuckle boxing. They used to call him The Reaper because he could knock a man out with a single blow that brought a man close to death; but nowadays he’d barely hit a fly. This was yet another reason I never settled down and did the whole wife and kids thing- it made you soft.

Still didn’t stop his little girl from being as tough as nails and crazy to boot- but when the only female role models you had growing up were a Mother with a brain tumor that made her- to be polite- unhinged; and then Marina, it's no wonder she’s ended up as she has. She bounced around three different boarding schools in her teens. By the third school- after she had burnt down the science block at the second school- we had to write a fairly hefty donation cheque, in order to get her in. Just another number added to David’s bill to be repaid.

Although he had initially approached us looking for work in order to pay off his wife’s medical bills and then to redo the house after she had burnt half of it down, most of the money he’s borrowed from us over the years has been for Phoenix. Frankie, Will and myself have spent many a night around the table with a drink in our hands speculating on why he continues to bail her out and put himself in more debt to protect her. We’ve long come to assume it’s probably because of guilt. That she was robbed of a proper Mother. Cursed to have a weak Father. If she had been my kid, I would have tossed her ass out on the curb a long time ago and told her to deal with her own shit if she wanted to keep behaving the way she has over the years.

To be fair though, after she met Freddie, we thought she’d finally straightened out- or at least she had become Fred’s problem and he was dealing with it. She stopped going to the clubs. Started wearing more grown up clothing that matched her age. Began running with Freddie and his older friends. But I guess it was only a matter of time and you know what they say- a leopard never changes their spots.

I’m halfway to the door, ready to leave, when David stops me. “Umm, Pope.” He says tentatively. I slowly turn myself back to him, ready to hear his request, even though he’s in no place to be making requests right now after I’ve just bailed his ass out for the fifteenth time. “I was just wondering…” he continues hesitantly, “seeing as Phoenix and Freddie are no longer together, she’ll probably need an actual job of her own now…” I can almost feel myself rubbing at my temples, knowing the question that was about to come out of his mouth. It’s the same question that had come when all of his son’s came of age and needed a job… but this time is different- and we both know it.

Phoenix isn’t like her brothers. Where they are able to be mature and step up and follow orders, she most definitely can not. I’ve seen enough of her school reports over the years to know what kind of employee she’d be. When David had asked about getting the boys jobs, it had been a no brainer. Each one of them had a build similar to their father in his hay day, perfect for a bit of muscle and extra protection in the club. But a job in Medusa’s for Phoenix would be behind the bar- and I know for a fact she’d sooner pour herself shots of liquor and dance on that bar than stand back and serve everyone else whilst they had a good time.

I already know I’m going to regret this when I finally climb into my bed at the end of the night, “She gets one chance.” I say. “One chance.” I hold up my index finger to him for emphasis.

“Thank you, Pope. I promise she won’t let you down.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I mutter to myself, my thumb and forefinger rubbing at my eyes in both irritation and exhaustion, as I finally leave the room. I give Archie a brief nod of acknowledgement as he sees me back out to my car.

I'm about to climb back in when he says, "I know you didn't have to do that, but he needed that, you know. He needs that hope that she'll be okay."

I only give him a nod as I look up to the row of upstairs windows and back to him, "We'll see." I say. "We'll see."

-----------------------------------

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[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 4

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: Here's the first of the completely new chapters. I hope you enjoy. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

I wake up to the deliberately annoying sound of my alarm blaring from my bedside. I look out at the still-dark skyline outside and slide off the alarm before checking my notifications. A smile instantly replaces my sleepy scowl as I read the messages that filtered in overnight.

I know it’s late, but I’m wired from sleeping on the flight… even though it was only three hours. I know I should be better at this flying thing with how much I travel for work but I guess I never learn Also…I could get used to you colliding with me 😉 God that was too cheesy, I’m sorry, forget I said anything, I blame the jetlag! I need to stop before I permanently scare you away if it’s not already too late. Good night

I smile at his dorkiness before dragging myself out of bed. As much as I’d love nothing more than to message him back now and text all day, my shift starts in an hour and I need to get ready first. I force myself through the motions of showering, donning my uniform, eating a light breakfast, and brushing my hair and teeth before slipping out the door. The sun is just beginning to rise overhead as I stroll through the quiet streets. As much as I’m not a morning person, I do enjoy this little slice of quiet before the rush of the day.

Once I get to the cafe, I greet the baker who is finalising the baked goods for the day. I help him stock the fridges, leaving the tray of burnt muffins on the bench in the kitchen as per his instructions and then open the store.

With the Christmas rush still in full swing, the morning passes quickly but leaves me exhausted. Once I finally get a break I take one of the slightly burned and therefore, unsaleable candy cane muffins and a bottle of water and sit at a small table out the back of the cafe. I pull out my cracked phone and finally allow myself to reply.

I sell festive drinks & snacks to people who haven’t yet had their morning coffee - It’s gonna take more than a jet lag-induced comment to scare me away Watching you behead someone on TV though, that was rough You sure I can trust you? I promise I’d never hurt you, that is unless I catch you draining someone of their blood Wait! Are you working? I didn’t mean to disturb you Not at the moment I can chat for a bit So, you promise you won’t drink anyone? I get queasy when someone cuts their finger, so no chance My show’s probably not for you then The eye candy’s worth it But I also live alone, so horror is generally a no-go That’s ok. As I said, it’s more interesting to me that you’re not a fan There are no expectations to live up to But eye candy, eh? I don’t know about Dean but there was the vamp was pretty sexy Till he lost his head anyway Oh…🥺 Nah, Dean’s alright too… Though I do think he’s the most scary. I don’t think he would take kindly to wearing a cup of hot chocolate Probably not But he’d find you charming He’d probably use it as an excuse to try and get your number He’d have more confidence than shyly writing his number on a coaster and hoping the pretty girl makes the next move You think I’m pretty? You don’t need to try and flatter me You’ve only seen me when I’m exhausted and covered in rotting milk If you’d seen me on a day when I’d actually put in some effort then maybe I’d believe you Then maybe one day I’ll have to give you a reason to dress up for me Take you on a real date You plan on coming back to New York? It’s not in my schedule yet But maybe in the new year Unless I can tempt you to come to Texas? I live in a single-bedroom apartment in downtown New York And I work in a cafe I can’t afford airfares and hotel accommodations in Texas at Christmas! How about if it was all-expenses-paid? Jensen…

Just as I’m typing a reply my colleague bursts through the backdoor. I check the time and realise it’s been over ten minutes since I came outside. I quickly type out a halfhearted excuse and shut off my phone before scurrying back inside.

Sorry, my break’s over. I gotta get back to work. Talk later

Despite going through the motions; making coffees, heating muffins, and delivering orders, my mind continues to wander back to Jensen’s offer and my lack of response. We barely know each other, how could I let him pay for a holiday in Texas? While a holiday sounds like heaven after working my ass off all year, I refuse to let it be at someone else’s expense, even if that person is a successful and wealthy actor. I refuse to be seen as a gold digger, even in my own eyes. Also, I can’t stand the thought of him finding out my true passion and then accusing me of using him to get a leg up in the industry. By the end of my shift, I decide to come clean about everything.

Back in my apartment, I shower again and change into comfy clothes before collapsing on the couch. I switch on the TV, not caring what’s on, just looking for a little comforting background noise. The random Doctor Phill reruns don’t take long to lull me to sleep.

The continual vibrating of my phone on the coffee table drags me back to the land of the living. I rub my eyes to wake myself up and check who’s blowing up my phone.

I’m sorry if I came on too strong I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable You’re right, we barely know each other I promise I’m gonna stop making stupid comments and just give you space I’m sorry again

I mull over the messages for a few minutes and type and delete multiple replies before mustering up all the courage I can and giving in and pressing the call button instead. I listen to the dial tone for a few rings before he finally picks up. Wanting to smooth things over before he jumps in all apologetically I rush to speak first as soon as the call connects.

“Look, I know we’re texting people, not calling people. But this conversation needed to be had like this.”

“Are you telling me to lose your number? Because I will if that’s what you want.”

“No. I just think we’ve been living in some fantasy, and maybe you’re used to that since you’re an actor. But here in New York, no matter how badly I want to be a performer, I have to live in the real world. Any handouts I take, and any relationships I make will be used against me.”

“A holiday is not a handout. But wait, you want to be a performer?”

“During the year, I took acting and singing classes. I also auditioned for roles on Broadway. But obviously, I didn’t get any of the roles. But I swear, I didn’t recognise you when we met the other day. And I don’t intend to use you to get a role. I’m not a gold digger. I want to do this myself,” I ramble, hoping he believes me.

“Hey, I’m not accusing you of anything. I believe you. I’ve met people who are just trying to use me, I know the signs. So unless you’re a much better actress than I’m giving you credit for..?”

“None of this has been acting. I promise.”

“I believe you.” I hear knocking and someone calling out from the other end of the line. “I’m so sorry. They’re ready for me. I've got to go do soundcheck. Can I call you back later?”

“Soundcheck? Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Bye, Jensen.”

“I’ll call you and explain later…or maybe tomorrow…I promise I’ll call you!”

The line falls silent and I sigh. I drag myself off the couch to make a sandwich. Just as I sit down to eat it my phone starts buzzing again. I glance at the caller ID and answer it with a smile.

“Hey, Stella!” I greet my best friend happily.

“Hey, Bestie! We still on for tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“You promised you’d help me with my wedding! I’m getting married in three weeks and there’s still so much to do!”

“Oh yeah! Of course! I can be there in say 30?”

“You’re the best, Bestie!”

“I know! See you soon!”

I hang up and finish eating my sandwich, clean up, throw on some warmer clothes and head out to catch the subway.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27

[teriwrites]

The Fatal Choice: Part 4

My Live Reactions to Reading Through My 2013 Novel

Area man shocked that entire city isn’t overrun by horrible, upper class shitheads actively collaborating to oppress their citizens and, in fact, is mostly made up of everyday citizens

So much disdain for alcohol

I can’t tell if this poverty being equated with morality is a character bias that’ll be rectified with time or literally 15-year-old me being ignorant

I’m gonna say a mix of both, but pretty cringe either way

Delroy just ordered straight rum from the bar

In a glass

The man supposedly doesn’t drink

This will have zero consequences

Ironically enough, rum is now my go-to spirit (but I’m more of a cocktail girly)

Anyways he’s seeking information from a guy in a seedy bar, ofc

YEEEEEES MY GIRL’S HERE

‘After helping Delroy brush some of the dirt off of his coat, the woman stuck her hand out. “I am Adriana Estep, aromatherapist in these parts. I can’t imagine somebody looking as dignified as you coming here very often. You must be quite desperate.” looooooove her

Delroy is lucky she’s so good, he’s the most gullible SOB I’ve ever written

‘Darkness overpowered everything, and it cast the poorer side of the city in shadow. The only dim light that the city received was the moonlight, which wasn’t enough to overpower the ceaseless darkness.’ I think it might be nighttime, you guys!

Delroy is just like me, fr, cannot handle strong smells, I also have to avoid visibly recoiling whenever I enter a perfume/incense/candle/scent-based store

“I have very close friends that were thrown into the dungeons. I need to know where they’re being held and if there’s any way I could break them out.” “Now you’re talking,” Adriana grinned. (I’m telling you, she’s the best)

AND she’s literate, what a badass

“If I want to try and get a job as a guard, then I’ll have to know what time slots are available. Later, I can say that I found myself another job and being a guard with my back up, so I don’t need it after all.” “Genius,” Adriana smiled, and then walked across the room to grab something. When she returned, she had a paper in her hands. “There’s only one thing. I already have a schedule of their work.” (I should’ve written this book about her)

‘Suddenly, she returned and handed him an incense burner. It smelled of Lavender, and Delroy couldn’t help, but feel a little less depressed after smelling it.’ I don’t think I knew how aromatherapy worked

Adriana stop flirting with the man, he’s ace and you’re a lesbian

(I’m not sure either of those were true in this draft but I’m Confident they were not meant to wind up together in any capacity, she's just sorta playful like that)

‘The bed that Delroy had the privilege of using was almost too comfortable.’ this is the second time I wrote about bedding being too comfortable, which I would’ve dealt with at the time, as I had to sleep with a resin back brace in high school and whenever I slept without it, I felt like the soft mattress was gonna suffocate me

People conveniently discussing current events downstairs in the inn the following morning to let Delroy know what his timeline is

‘Delroy couldn’t imagine how people could celebrate the deaths of others, criminals or not.’ we’re not supporters of capital punishment in this house

He just got struck with like a weirdly overpowering muscle spasm in his arm, and I'm really struggling to remember if this has literally any relevance or if it happened ~just because~

“I’ll get you back, my brothers,” Delroy vowed, and he clenched his fist, forcing his arm to stop twitching. “I don’t know how far I must go, or how much time it will take, but I will get you back.” my guy, you know exactly how long you have (roughly a week), and exactly where you need to go to do it (the jail, obviously) but the sentiment is there, at least

Ending Thoughts:

Delroy can leave now actually, the main-est of characters has arrived! Adriana was a longtime favorite character that I wrote, and I'm really hoping that I wrote more about her in this draft because to this day I still have a bunch of her lore circling through my mind. Arguably, she was the first to fit into an archetype I still often find in my writing: capable, fiercely independent (often to a fault, which requires addressing during their personal arc) women hiding their sense of being overwhelmed by the narrative. For other examples of this, see: Charlotte Wilson, Ingrid Berg, Rhonwen Castell, Winifred Pewitt (dw, we'll cover each and every one of them). I suppose Kristen can also slot somewhat into this archetype, too, but she's a little too openly codependent on her peers and open emotionally to quite fit in the slot. Anyways, still seeing a lot of that personality shining through, though not all of it's positive. Delroy definitely has a bit of a pretentious streak, which he totally did Not adopt from 15-year-old me, the girl who was 'too good' for reading YA or listening to popular music yet secretly loved Kelly Clarkson. Definitely not.

[slayfics]

Girl talk about villains.

Warnings: nsfw themes

650 words

Featured OCS:

💚 Kansatoki Hikari

💚 Yume Hoshino

💚 Asumi Tachibana

"Ugh," Asumi sighed lying down on the floor dramatically. "I'm so tired of studying," she complained.

"We could take a break," Kansatoki suggested.

Yume nodded in agreement, her own eyes beginning to feel heavy from the long study session.

"Hey, I have an unhinged question for you both," Asumi said sitting upright.

Kansatoki eyed her suspiciously, while Yume sweetly replied, "What is it?"

"If you had to fuck a villain, who would you choose?" Asumi asked.

"Overhaul," Kansatoki answered before Asumi finished her question.

"Oh, that was too fast, you've definitely thought about that before," Asumi said laughing.

"Kansa!" Yume exclaimed. "I thought you were over your Stockholm syndrome!" Yume whined.

"I didn't have Stockholm syndrome!"' Kansatoki snapped. "I just think he'd have the cleanest dick out of all the villains."

"KANSA!" Yume exclaimed, hiding her face, flustered by her friend's vulgarness.

"I bet he's got a girthy one too," Asumi added.

"Oh, he does," Kansatoki agreed.

"Hu?" both girls looked at her. "What did you just say?" Asumi clarified.

Kansatoki's eyes widened, "I just mean- I saw him up close and he radiated big dick energy. Anyway, what's your answer Asumi?" Kansatoki asked forcing the attention off herself.

Asumi thought for a moment before answering, "I have to say Compress."

"Hmm," Kansatoki hummed. "He wasn't bad looking when that ugly mask came off."

"I just want to show him a few tricks myself," Asumi said, with a snicker. "Gonna make that dick disappear."

The two girls erupted with laughter while Yume tilted her head to the side trying to understand the joke.

"All right Yume, your turn," Kansatoki said, her laughter subsiding as she turned her attention to her friend.

"Hu?!" Yume looked between the girls with a panicked expression on her face.

"What villain are you fucking?" Asumi asked.

"Are you insane!" Yume exclaimed, "I'm not-," she looked around as if someone else might hear before whispering, "making love with a villain."

"Of course not, this is just hypothetical, just pick one." Kansatoki urged.

"Fine! Hmmm," Yume thought for a moment, "If Red Riot became a villain, I'd pick him."

Asumi and Kansatoki looked at each other with a pointed glance, before turning back to Yume. "That's cheating you can't choose your boyfriend," Asumi said.

"It's not cheating! It's hypothetical right!? So hypothetically if Eijiro became villain I'd choose him," Yume said matter-of-factly placing her arms on her hips.

"That's it, hold her down Asumi," Kansatoki instructed.

"What?!" Yume yelled as Asumi followed Kansatoki's directions and held Yum's hands behind her back.

Kansatoki slinked over to Yume's stuffed animal collection before grabbing her beloved shark plushie. "Answer now or sharky gets it!" Kansatoki examined squeezing the stuffed animal.

"Put it down! Eijiro gave me that!" Yume squirmed in Asumi's grasp.

"Come on Yume, just say a name and we'll leave you alone," Asumi encouraged.

"Yeah, you can even agree with one of us! Are you thinking Overhaul or the lame magician?" Kansatoki asked.

"Hey! At least Compress isn't a germ freak like that beak brain!" Asumi reported.

"What is it with you both and villains with missing arms!" Yume yelled, still struggling to get out of Asumi's grasp.

"Wrong answer!" Kansatoki said, pulling on the shark's tail.

"DABI!" Yume yelled, causing Kansatoki to stop in her tracks.

"What?! EW!" Kansatoki said, repulsed, and dropped the stuffed animal.

"What do you mean ew!?" Yume questioned.

"Have you seen him?! He's only got half his skin! How do you know he hadn't burnt his dick off!?" Kansatoki questioned.

"I bet he's a freak in bed though," Asumi said letting go of Yume's arms.

"Oh, so you're into freaks?" Kansatoki asked Yume.

"KANSA!" Yume whined, bringing her knees to her chest and hiding her face, embarrassed with herself.

"I'm just teasing ya, I like that answer." Kansatoki laughed.

"Yeah, who knew you had it in you," Asumi agreed.

[phantompoguefangirl]

WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER

CHAPTER FOUR: SUSPICIONS

Broken up deep inside, but you won't get to see the tears I cry behind these hazel eyes- Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson

TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE MENTIONED

*Flashback*

"Where the hell have you been?!" Jesse demanded, yanking me inside our house with a vice grip on my wrist. I tried not to react to the pain.

"I-...I just went for a walk, you know, to get some fresh air and um...a bite to eat," I stammered, not meeting his eyes because I knew all too well what I would see in them."What are you doing home so early?"

"I just got a break between meetings so I came to check on you. You were supposed to stay here and write a new song. Did you finish the song?" He asked, staring me down.

I shook my head, looking down."Uhh...no I couldn't come up with-" I was cut off by the back of his hand connecting with my face. The force caused me to stumble backward as I grabbed my cheek.

"I asked for one simple thing. Why can't you just do what I ask?"

"I- I was having writer's block and I thought the fresh air and food would help. I'm sorry."

"Well you better hope it did. Get your ass back in there and write me a song," he snapped, waving toward my music room.

I turned and hurried down the hall, trying to hide the tears beginning to stream down my face. I closed and locked the door of my music room before sinking to the floor and sobbing quietly.

I sat there against the door for what felt like hours. I heard Jesse leave at some point and I barely registered the sun going down outside my window, but I couldn't bring myself to move until I heard the lightsaber sound from my phone.

I grabbed it and looked at my screen.

Hey pizza girl. :) Sorry I would have texted sooner but the guys tackled me for the pizza when I got home and then distracted me with fifa. -Michael

I couldn't help but smile as I texted back.

Pizza Girl? 🤣 -Mia

It was the first thing I thought of okay don't judge me. -Michael

Okay then lol -Mia

Anyway what are you up to? -Michael

Sitting in my music room supposed to be writing a song...-Mia

Is that what was so urgent that you had to leave? -Michael

Um kind of. -Mia

Kind of? -Michael

I'm sort of on a deadline. Clearly the suits don't understand how song writing works. -Mia

Haha tell me about it. Especially with everything else we deal with as artists. -Michael

Exactly! -Mia

Well hey I could help you with your song if you want. -Michael

You already are helping. :) -Mia

I am? How? -Michael

Talking to him had made me think of earlier today and how fun it was to spend time with him. His smile had brightened my whole day, his big green eyes were even more beautiful in person and I had unintentionally noticed that he had some very light freckles around his nose that weren't super visible at first but were ridiculously cute. He was also very kind and sweet and I really wanted to know him more as a person. I'd only spent a little bit of time with him today, but Michael Clifford had made an impact on me.

Of course I couldn't just say that to him, though.

You'll just have to wait and see when the song comes out. ;) -Mia

Wow really? You're gonna play it like that? - Michael

Yep. ;) -Mia

Come onnnn just tell meee -Michael

No. -Mia

Pretty please? -Michael

Nope. -Mia

Fiiiinnee I guess I'll wait. -Michael

Good boy. *pats your head* -Mia

😂😂 -Michael

Anyway, it's late and we have a meeting with management in the morning so I probably should go to bed now. But hopefully you and I can hang out again soon? -Michael

Yeah hopefully soon. Goodnight Michael. :) -Mia

Goodnight:) -Michael

I set my phone down and jotted down the ideas I had before falling asleep on my little couch by the window. I finished the song over the span of the next day.

Jesse came back around dinner time and did his usual "I'm sorry, I love you, I'll stop" routine. He was also happy to hear the song was done. All I could do was just smile and make him dinner like nothing ever happened.

MICHAEL P.O.V

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I mumbled a few profanities and shut off my alarm before rolling out of bed. I trudged out to the hallway and got into the usual morning arguments with the guys over the bathrooms while getting ready for our meeting.

Once we had gotten ready and eaten, we piled into our suv and headed to the management office.

I tried to focus on what these suits were saying but on top of my pre-existing focus issues, I couldn't stop thinking about Mia. The way she'd rushed to leave was a little concerning, but there was something about her that drew me in and I'd honestly had the best time with her yesterday...

Suddenly someone shoved my hand out from under my chin, causing me to faceplant into the conference table.

"Ow what the fuck?" I groaned as I glared up at my bandmates.

"The meeting's over, space cadet. Time to come back to Earth," Ashton said as the three of them laughed.

I looked around and noticed the suits were gone. "Oh shit, I didn't realize I zoned out like that. I'm sorry."

"No worries, we'll fill you later," Luke said as I followed them out of the room, "What the hell were you daydreaming about anyway?"

"I don't think we really wanna know the answer to that, mate," Calum said, causing them all to laugh more.

"It's not like that," I said, playfully shoving them as we got in the car.

"So you weren't thinking about a girl then?" Calum asked, wagging his eyebrows at me.

"No-I mean yes, there's a girl but-"

"TOLD YOU! MIKEY'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND!" Calum yelled, resulting in the guys cracking up laughing again and teasing me.

"GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME TALK. GEEZ." I shouted over the noise.

They must have noticed the undertone of my voice because it didn't take them long to get quiet and look at me.

I explained what happened yesterday to them.

"She sounds amazing, dude. Remind us to thank her for saving you if we ever get to meet her." Ashton said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"If I get to see her again," I mumbled.

They looke at me confused.

"Um...well, she has a boyfriend, first of all. She told me about him so we agreed the lunch was just a friend thing as a thank you to her. But then he texted her and she started acting really...I don't know, anxious? She said she had to go and was pretty quick to leave after that. We texted last night and she seemed okay, though so I don't know if I'm just tripping or not." I elaborated.

"Did she say why she was in such a hurry to leave?" Ashton asked.

"She told me last night over text that she was on a deadline to write a song," I answered.

"Maybe she was just stressed over that then?" Luke suggested.

I shrugged. "I mean, it's possible. But it was her boyfriend that texted her, not a suit, so that's weird right?"

"What if he knew about the deadline and reminded her?" Calum said.

"Maybe. I don't know," I said.

We didn't get a chance to talk anymore about it at the moment because we got home and had other band stuff to do.

Mia and I kept texting off and on though and over the next few weeks we actually did manage to spend time together. We mostly spent time at the pizza place, arcades or a park we found that we liked. She was very funny and bubbly and I really enjoyed being around her, though I started to get a little more concerned about her the more we hung out.

I started noticing little things that worried me. Like every so often when she thought I wasn't paying attention, her beautiful hazel eyes flitted around like she was looking for danger or something. She never wanted to go to her house and always insisted we meet somewhere. I asked her if she was okay a few times and she always played it off like everything was fine but I could tell she was putting up a front.

I mean, it wasn't like she was cheating on her boyfriend with me or anything. We both made it abundantly clear that we were just friends on a couple occasions so I was confused as to what the hell was going on. But, I was absolutely captivated by her and I had a gut feeling that I that I needed to stay close to her...

@jetblackbritt13

[stuck-in-my-past]

1:47 currently it is just soo.. Lately with everything going on I have been feeling well low? I cried the other day thinking of the worst. I know i shouldn't bee thinking so negatively but I just broke a bit. Felt like my whole world was crumbling down once again. Instead weirdly enough I thought of what my family and friends would tell me to do, a deep breath to compose myself. hmmph composure yea right more like after I finally stopped sobbing. I have to put on a brave face even if it does feel so bleak nothing to strain myself just try to focus on today on my current thoughts. Anyway I thought of Leon~ I know I know it's like I'm obsessed with him I'm not I swear. Believe it or not when I was younger I was actually afraid of him yea ,like whenever he appeared I was somehow scared he was gonna beat me up or bully me for some reason. One of the only characters I felt lame around if such a thing is possible I now tend to think I'm pretty cute but that's not the point. So right now with the fan blowing in my face it kinda feels like I can't breathe at times not like I'm drowning but you ever been on a car ride and the window down you're going a bit too fast you have to pause to take a breath? Yea like right now probably cause I haven't gotten much sleep and lately my body is soo hungry probably stress i sometimes stress eat ok shh …… The thought of having someone in bed next to me just keeping me calm and at ease. He would probably tell me some cheesy joke or corny line about never giving up into despair? He seems the type not like nagito type he wouldn't force you to hope but yea like a nudge here and a "don't worry buddy"while he ruffles your hair giving you a warm smile that makes you smile and even giggle a bit. Personally I think his smile is so precious like aww my heart but also like I could stare at you for hours

I toss and turn staring at the ceiling the wavy texture slowly morphing into vivid images in my mind like a moving picture wow who knew a popcorn ceiling could be so entertaining. I turn my head glancing at my floor lamp Ugh I really should turn it off not like I'm even actively using it. you're just wasting electricity my father would say. With a deep breath I glance at the clock mot really paying attention instead my mind focuses on the vivid red light. With that I groan grabbing at my arm man lately its like my scars and heart have been hurting lately. Not like I don't take care of them or anything just been hurting a lot more lately don't know why same with my neck. The other day I remember my dad asking me if I wanted to play on the piano (keyboard) I didn't but he did show me some music he enjoyed back in his day, also told me about his life growing up. It makes me wonder if I'm some kind of mistake I feel so soft compared to my parents the hardships they've been through and here I am just crying alone in my bed like every other time something awful happens. Sire I try to help others bit only.. god I feel so pathetic crying just for crying. Stupid I know you feel bad for crying? quell yea I do.

With that as I sniffle wiping away my tears I try to listen to music but instead I feel like such a coward calling him ..Especially at this hour. Ugh I feel so weird I want to be comforted by why by him? either way I snort the moment I hear a slight groan on the other end. "hmm ugh.. Hello? " I freeze I press mute before giggling to myself, is this dumb..no seriously this is probably a stupid idea but I did it, I called him for a reason why? why now… why now is my mind my brain bringing up the possibility he's with her. Eww I feel weird I could have just asked her she's supposed to be a friend right so why not her ? Sorry Evie I swear I'm not trying to make it weird but now I kinda have to admit that I do feel a bit weird . A soft huff on the other end his voice more alert concerned even " Uh..Hello.. Lilly?…can you hear me?…Did you fall asleep on your phone again?" Some sort of guttural sound not even a squeak more like a growl as I try to respond unmuting my phone. instead all he heard was me babbling no stammering trying to speak, embarrassed I take a deep breath and exhale trying to calm my nerves. "Ahh~sorry just..had a question but it feels so dumb now..seems so trivial but now I just kinda feel like a fucking dick for calling you so late"

A chuff escapes from his lips before he could actually speak his mind. He sinks back into his chair his hands running through his hair before scratching his head. His tone canty he sniffles "Must be a hell of a question" a soft hum " Well shoot then don't got all night, well" He glances at his car radio the clock staring back at him he fiddles with the knob lowering the volume.. With a slight panic in my voice I small hard trying to think of something to say. Shit what the fuck do I ask now?? Hey come over I'm sad and need to be told everything is gonna be alright. don't mind that I'm the one who called first in the middle of the fucking night?! I shake my head trying to think think think think girlie!! Instead all I can hear is a fucking metronome in my head, or is that my heart ugh god stop being soo.. A deep sniffle I yawn "this is kinda embarrassing but can you come over? like its kinda like.. I'm sad and like I don't know I feel like you're always good at helping people.. " I can hear his huff " Oh so I'm like the resident cheerleader then. great yea sounds wonderful .. Sure why not not like I got anything better to do" I wanna ask if he's being sarcastic but I can hear him start up the car as he hangs up. Oh why do I feel so stupid..so soo guilty I should be fixing my own problems .. right?

As soon as I hear a knock at my door he sends a message "I'm here I guess" I make my way to the door I look through the peephole and laugh he looks so silly from this angle. With a thin smile I wave him in. He rolls his shoulders making himself comfortable on the couch rubbing his eyes. Based on his expression I take it he hasn't been getting much sleep either. Do you want me to-" he cuts me off "Nah nah its fine" With that he crosses his arms his face looks pitiful I feel a pit in my stomach. "So what is it What's your issues..what's on your mind?" he continues.

[spinachandhoney]

SnakeFace episode 26 script

So, this one actually ended up being re-written as of May 18, 2025, but I want to post the original version just so you know what the original plot direction was going to be up until this episode.

[script under cut]

  “I know what he said, but you’re not even in the same study hall,” Val said on the phone, pausing briefly. “I don’t care! He’s your boyfriend, not your dad. Just- pull your weight, Lilli.”

  “Me?” Lillith exclaimed. “Me pull my weight?! Who do you think you’re talking to? You need to keep up with me if we want to win this thing.”

  “It’s not about winning!”

  “Yes, it is! I have to win, and you’re going to get me to the top whether you like it or not, сука.”

  The line hung up. Val gritted his teeth and growled angrily at the phone. He fell back against the bed.

  “You alright?” Hans dipped his head through the doorway.

  Val groaned. “No.”

  “Finals trouble?”

  The vampire turned over onto his face. “Yeah.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  Val peered over and pushed himself upright. “Sure,” he sighed.

  Hans sat down beside Val on the bed. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Lillith… she was always a little frustrating when we were still friends, but now she’s just obnoxious. I can’t tell if it’s on purpose, but it’s like she’s trying to get on my nerves. All she cares about is winning in the games, but that’s not what I want to do. I want to actually focus on myself for once and maybe pass my classes, but I can’t do that when she’s making such a huge deal out of a minor thing.”

  “I get what you mean.”

  “You do?”

  “Well, yeah; I’m in sports. It’s hard to work on improvement if all you’re doing is brute forcing your way to victory. For some of the guys, working to win does help them get stronger, but they don’t understand it doesn’t work for everyone else. Then they’re mad at you for falling behind.” He paused. “Do you want to win in the games?”

  “What kind of a question is that?”

  “Just answer it.”

  “I don’t know. It would be nice, but it’s not my main objective, so I guess… no?”

  “Then don’t focus on winning. Just have fun. If Lillith gets upset, so be it. What’s the worst she could do?”

  A lot, Val thought. He nodded anyway.

  “I think I’m finally starting to understand.”

  “Understand what?”

  “You.”

Clarifying message yaaayyy !! :D

  Originally, the whole buildup for season 1 was going to be “The Games,” but I changed it to focus more on the dance instead and have no actual material for the games after this episode. I apologize for the blatant retconning of something mentioned twice before already (including in this episode) but I don’t feel like going back to change it because I’m a very busy guy and I barely have time to put out new episodes at all, let alone fix all the old ones (hey hi hello, May 18, 2025 Fenn here, I’m saying fuck it and rewriting this one anyway because what’s the point of acknowledging a problem if I’m just gonna leave it? I’m just leaving this here so you know what the original intention was before the rescript. Both versions will be up on my tumblr).

  The Games were going to be like a sports festival (like how elementary schools have field days or jog-a-thons, but it was going to be competitive for extra/college credit. Things like relay races, dodgeball, and other basic endurance things. I ended up retconning this idea pretty early on into writing (fairly soon after this episode, actually), but forgot to take it out of the script until now (as of writing this message it is March 30th, 2025, but the script was written back in 2022). Sorry for all the after-episode messages, I promise they’ll stop soon (considering I ended up fixing a lot of my plot after I redrew the pilot episode)!! Thanks!

[askbensolo]

Chapter 14: Pennie, Again

Hi, I’m Ben, Nice to Meet You Masterlist

“Okay, I gotta admit: it freaked me out when all the guys shouted my name right in front of Fannie. I thought I was cooked.”

“You’re lucky the girl trusts you so much. If I can be quite frank…she seems rather undiscerning.”

“No—she’s very discerning, actually. She just…doesn’t think I would ever lie to her.”

“Hm. I must say, Solo…I am as interested in your endgame as you are in mine. Do you really intend to continue misleading her into perpetuity?”

“Please. Don’t tell me that you, of all people, want to guilt-trip me into telling the truth.”

“Oh, of course not. I told you, Ben: I have no interest in swaying any decision of yours one way or another. You are an adult now. A man. You and I are simply friends…nothing more.”

“‘Friends?’ Yeah, right. I don’t know what we are, Snoke ol’ buddy, but ‘friends’ sure ain’t it. Anyway…no, I’m not gonna lie to her forever. I’ll quit eventually. You know…once I stop having things I can’t tell her about.”

“So in other words…you are indeed going to continue to deceive her for as long as you can successfully manage to. Now…that is fascinating.”

“Okay—who do you think you are, exactly? My conscience? A relationship counselor? You’re not one to judge—you definitely seem pretty in favor of me hiding from my parents the fact that you and I still talk.”

“Calm yourself. I am nothing more than a captivated observer. And as I said before, Ben Solo: I am not in favor of you doing any particular thing—except, of course, everything that you desire and choose to do.”

———

I had a hard time sleeping, the night that Nabohri hit his father with the snorlii shell. After supper Fannie and I had retreated to the east library to process what we had witnessed, and that had been helpful. But now that I was in bed alone, my mind kept running through a bunch of memories like a nonsensical holoreel.

Pentarra leaning down to whisper as Nabohri trembled on his knees.

Connie and Ginnie antagonizing me at the table.

Fashha criticizing Fannie for helping the servants in the kitchen.

Pennie screaming as the boys ran down the hallway and smacked their soiled garments in her face.

Vataash leading the afternoon’s hunt with arrogance borrowed from his father.

Mikal sitting stone-faced while his brothers all laughed.

And whenever I closed my eyes, I kept on seeing my own hands out in front of me, a twitching senshiil between my feet…watching myself fumble with the knife that was always either slippery or sticky with blood, wiping the wet handle on the rag over and over…digging my fingers into warm flesh to pry skull away from vertebrae…lining up severed kortokk heads, one by one, as if for some dark ritual…

…choking down undercooked snorlii at supper.

Oh, Force.

I sat up in bed, my stomach turning. My heart was pounding and my palms were clammy and my chest felt tight in that nasty, uncomfortable way.

I gingerly got up, and began to pace the floor in an attempt to expend my nervous energy—but the more I paced, the more claustrophobic I felt. I briefly went out on my little balcony for some fresh air…but quickly returned, because taking place a few balconies down was an adventurous display of romantic passion that I did not want to observe.

So I threw on a shirt and left my bedroom and wandered the halls for a bit, and finally ended up in one of the men’s lounges. Smoke no longer hung in the air, but its remnants lingered in the cushions—a sort of sweet-foul pungency. I caught a whiff as I sat down on the sofa, and felt nauseous again.

Then I heard a rustling next to me, and I jerked back in alarm. It was hard to see in the dark, but I realized there was someone else on the couch with me.

And who do you think it was?

…Correct.

“Pennie,” I said, and she drew herself up and away from me—I was glad I had thrown on the shirt. “Geez. Do you ever hang out anywhere besides the west wing?”

“I was trying to sleep,” she said grumpily.

“In the men’s smoking lounge?”

“I got tired of sharing my bed.”

“With your dad?”

“No,” Pennie sniffed. “With Suhbi, Ta’kosh, and Hassacha.”

“Who’re they? More friends of yours?”

“No. Friends of Pentarra’s,” Pennie scoffed bitterly. “Hmph. At least I bother to keep my playmates a secret. He makes me share our bed with them.”

…Ah. I thought I understood, now.

“You would rather that he cheated on you in secret?” I asked.

“Yes, of course,” huffed Pennie. “I would much rather him lie, as normal men do—as you do, Ben Solo. You hid from my sister that you joined the men’s hunt, because you knew she would not like it—because you cared what she thought. Because you wished to spare her feelings.” She sighed, leaning back against the cushions. “...I only wish that Ruut cared enough about me to lie.”

Well. That was certainly one way to look at things.

I tried to determine whether or not I agreed with her. Pennie’s perspective almost did make me feel better about how I’d been handling my own relationship…but I also knew that, deep down, the way that Pennie saw things wasn’t right.

I only wanted it to be.

But I also decided that three in the morning was not the best time to process this, so I shelved it away for later.

“Well…I don’t know what to tell you, Pennie,” I said. “I think you knew what kind of guy Pentarra was when you signed up for all of this. You grew up in this house. You’ve watched him make his way through women like so many bottles of wine. You know you’re only next up in the rotation until he decides he’s done with you.”

“You are wrong,” Pennie argued hotly. “Can’t you see? I am not like any of his other women. No—the love he has for me is different. His love for me is so strong—his desire for me so unquenchable—that he has crossed the taboo that I am his offspring in order to have me for his mate. Don’t you understand? He loves me so deeply, he would defy nature itself to have me.”

Well! That was also a very creative way to look at things. I was so stunned, it took me a second or two to reply…but eventually, I did.

“You just said you feel like he doesn’t care about you,” I pointed out. “So…which is it? Do you think he cares for you? Or do you think he doesn’t?”

Pennie blinked. She looked stuck. And then she looked angry that I had caught her in a contradiction. Her face twitched, and her lips worked. And I couldn’t tell whether she was trying to keep herself from crying, or from attacking me.

Finally, she cleared her throat, and sat up very straight and very prim, in a way that reminded me of her eldest sister.

“...Ruut Pentarra craves me,” she said at last. “And when no one cares about you, Ben Solo…to at least be craved is certainly better than nothing.”

She delivered this statement solemnly, without a hint of self-pity.

As if stating a mere fact.

“Huh,” I said.

And then, “I’m sorry,” after a long pause.

Pennie turned her head sharply toward me.

“No, you aren’t,” she said stiffly. “I appreciate your falsehood, Ben Solo, but I see right through it. You think to yourself: she is stupid, and deserves whatever consequences she has wrought. No?”

Well, I did feel sorry for her.

But at the same time…yeah, she kinda had me.

“...Maybe I did think something like that,” I admitted.

“Of course you did,” Pennie said bitterly. “You are easy to read, Ben Solo. In fact…I suspect that the only reason you have so succeeded in deluding my sister is because she also wishes to delude herself.”

I was quiet. I had to admit that the same thought had occasionally crossed my mind.

…Not that I was going to admit that to Pennie, though.

Well. I was thinking it was about time to conclude my little late night chat with Pennie, as fun (and as strange) as it had been. But before I could announce my departure, Pennie spoke.

…Commanded, really.

“Walk into dinner with me tomorrow evening, Ben Solo,” she said.

I frowned, and looked at her.

“What? Why?”

“To make Ruut jealous,” she said simply.

I stared.

“...You want to get me killed,” I said seriously.

“Oh, he won’t kill you,” Pennie said, with a dismissive wave of her hand. “After all, why would I want you dead, when you make my sister so happy?”

“I hardly think you care about Fannie’s happiness,” I said suspiciously.

“Don’t I?” she replied. “I suppose that someone has to please her. She will certainly never be pleased with me.”

“You hardly seem to care what she thinks of you, either.”

“Oh, I don’t,” Pennie said coolly. “Because not caring what she thinks of me is the only way to escape being crushed by her judgment, Ben Solo. You see, ever since she left to become a Jedi, she has always thought herself better than the rest of us. Worse yet, she has the gall to think she understands us. Understands me. But she will never understand.”

“With all due respect, Pennie,” I said (which wasn’t a lot), “that’s not the impression of your sister I get at all. She’s a principled person, sure. She has things she cares about, and will stand up for. But I don’t think it’s because she’s judgmental. She just wants a better life for you than what you have chosen for yourself.”

“That is exactly the kind of arrogance I am alluding to, Ben Solo,” Pennie said stiffly, and by the tone of her voice I could tell that she was not open to being swayed. “How dare she think she knows what is best for me, when she does not know me at all, and does not know the world I live in?”

“Well—how is she supposed to know you, when you’ve done your best to shut her out?” I countered. “Fannie loves you, Pen. I don’t know why, but she does. If you gave her a chance, maybe you’d see your sister the way I see her. The way she’s shown herself to me. Listen, I’m not dating her because I think she’s hot—”

“Clearly,” muttered Pennie (an interjection I chose to ignore).

“—but because she’s my best friend,” I said. “She’s helped me through some of my darkest moments. She’s stuck it through with me during some of my lowest points.”

“Likely only because she finds you handsome—an assessment, by the way, that speaks ill of her eyesight,” Pennie said nastily. “And because you are not her younger sister: someone she thinks she ought to be able to control.”

There was so much raw emotion in her last statement, I found myself unable to respond.

“...Perhaps if you were her sister, Ben Solo,” said Pennie softly, “you’d see her the way I see her. Fa’nakhra has little tolerance for those who are not like her, and who have not chosen the path she has chosen. In fact…it is rather a great surprise to me that you are not a Jedi like she is. I did not think that she would select a mate who did not follow her own narrow-minded views.”

I was even more speechless.

I thought about my uncle. And how he had warned Fannie not to choose me, because I was not on the same path as she was. And how Fannie had seemed so ready and willing to go along with his suggestion…until, of course, I had lied, and turned her against him.

…Pennie had no idea how close she was to the truth.

Not that I was planning to tell her that, either.

“...You have nothing to say,” Pennie observed. “Have you lied to her about this, too, Solo? Does my sister believe you to be a Jedi Knight?”

“Well, no,” I said. “Fannie knows I’m not a Jedi—I mean, it’d be pretty hard to fake that—but—see—” 

And then I wondered why I was trying to explain myself to Pennie.

“—it’s none of your damn business,” I finished.

Pennie smiled.

“Fair enough, Ben Solo,” she said. “Unlike my sister, I feel no need to meddle in others’ affairs. So then: let us return to our own.” She turned her entire body toward me, crossing her arms. “Tomorrow, you will walk into dinner with me, so that Pentarra sees. That is all I require of you—that is all you must do for me. The rest, I will take care of.”

“Now hold on a sec,” I snapped. “What’s all this ‘you will’ business? What makes you think you can order me around like I’m one of your servants?”

“Because,” Pennie said sweetly, “otherwise Fa’nakhra may somehow learn that you went hunting with our brothers today.”

I fell silent.

Part of me began to think that this had gone on long enough. That there were too many things I had hidden from Fannie, now, and that it was all beginning to get way out of hand.

But then the other part of me thought: well. It was still easier to go forward than back, at this point.

I ran my tongue over my dry lips, and Pennie smiled at me.

“...I would accept if I were you, Ben Solo,” she said softly. “You seem to have your hands full with a great deal of secrets. If even one of them should slip…my sister’s faith in you might soon follow.”

Unfortunately, she was right.

“...Okay,” I said. “But what am I supposed to tell Fannie? She and I have gone into dinner together the past couple nights, and she’ll be expecting me to do the same tomorrow.”

“Tell her I asked you to spend the afternoon with me,” Pennie said. “I’m sure she will love that.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

Pennie looked at me as though I were stupid.

“I am no fool,” she said. “I know my sister’s mind. She likely thinks you will be able to change me, in some way that she cannot.”

And I thought back to the way Fannie had looked at me in the kitchen, with hope bordering on desperation.

“Yeah…she would love that, huh,” I muttered.

“Not to mention,” Pennie lilted temptingly, “if you tell Fa’nakhra you’ve made plans with me…you will be able to spend the afternoon in any manner you please. I know my sisters do not make pleasant company.”

She said these last words bitterly. I found some small comfort in the realization that Pennie also felt that Connie and Ginnie did not really like her.

“And I will tell Ruut that I am going to spend the afternoon with you, too,” Pennie continued smugly. “Ha! Let him wonder if I am growing bored of him.”

“Why me, though?” I asked. “You clearly have no shortage of boy toys.”

“Because you are an off-worlder, and a human, and you will have the most success in getting his attention,” Pennie replied. “Though, rest assured—he will not harm you, as I said.”

“Really?” I asked suspiciously. “‘Cause you promised he’d hurt me if I ever told him about you and Armad sleeping together.”

“Oh, he certainly might,” Pennie said lightly. “But I’m not asking you to sleep with me, Ben Solo.” She smiled cheekily. “...Not unless you want to, of course.”

I made a face.

“Thanks. I’ll pass.”

“I didn’t think so. See? All you have to do is walk into dinner with me, and say we’ve spent the day together.”

“Fine. But you have to promise this isn’t gonna get me killed,” I told her seriously. “I saw how he reacted when Nabohri hit him with that shell.”

“You have my word,” Pennie said.

But I thought I saw a smile cross her lips in the dark—as if she were imagining how delicious it would be if Pentarra’s jealousy was roused enough to cause me harm.

Still. What choice did I have? Pennie had dirt on me—and I would have rather faced Pentarra’s anger than Fannie’s disappointment a thousand times over.

Besides. A free ticket out of hanging around Fannie’s family? That was worth it on its own.

“Have we a deal, Ben Solo?” Pennie asked.

“...I guess we do,” I said at last.

Rylothians do not shake hands to greet one another. But they do shake hands to seal deals. Pennie held her hand out to me, and we shook.

And then I got myself back to bed—but…now I had even more to think about.

When I finally did fall asleep, it was practically sunrise. As a result, I slept through breakfast again. I got up just in time to meet Fannie in the dining hall for lunch.

Pennie was right: when I told Fannie that her sister had asked me to spend the day with her, she was ecstatic.

“Oh, Ben, that’s wonderful,” Fannie said, smiling so big she looked like she could cry. She threw her arms around me, and gave me three kisses on my right cheek. “I knew it. I knew the Force had a special way to use you.”

I wasn’t so sure about that. I thought that Pennie was probably the one using me.

But…I smiled, and kept that to myself.

[poppitron360]

- I’ve not really got as much to say about this chapter as it’s very early in the morning and I’m tired and just trying to procrastinate tidying the house, but I read the prev chapter last night and needed to know more as soon as I woke up.

- Oh man, I’ve been dreading the Caleo bit because I know this is gonna be a tough read, but I have no doubt that you’ll handle it well.

- I’ve already talked about how much I like the way you’ve written Caleo. Leo’s feelings of being misunderstood by his partner is a common neurodivergent experience that I felt to my core, which is why it always bugged me that when that happened in canon it was played as charming, adorable banter.

- Dam that argument is a difficult read. You’ve done everything right, but I hate that canon has backed you into a corner and forcing you to admit that Leo’s kind of an asshole when it comes to Calypso. It’s an interesting exploration as to what grief can do to a person, and you’ve done a fantastic job at addressing the nuance of the situation, but it’s still not fun to see your favourite character behave that way.

- I love how neither of them are in the right, but they both have reasons for their actions.

- Oh, Jo and Leo’s relationship is just the best. Also, I love that you included the importance of asking, and that physical touch might not always help. I am touch-averse myself, and often times people assume that touching me when I’m upset would help, despite the fact that it often makes it worse, and when I’m in that situation I’m usually too shut down to say “stop”. I wish that refusing touch wasn’t always seen in the media as “oh, so broken, so sad, must comfort, must fix” and that actually it can often be a sign of someone getting healthier if they say no, especially to people they “should” say yes to, i.e loved ones and family. Touch-averse people are people who just express affection in a different way, and should be treated as such. Anyway I love love love love love that you emphasised how important it is to ask in times like this. Normalising it one fanfic at a time

- And I love how you didn’t specify if Leo said yes or not, leaving it open to interpretation. I feel like that’s the best way of doing it, actually. If he had said “yes” it would have seemed like it was framing that finally letting someone touch you even if you don’t want to is a sign of “healing” and him “being fixed”, not that there’s anything wrong with characters saying yes, it’s just that often that seems to be the message when it happens in media. If he had said “no”, readers might misconstrue it as “oh no how sad don’t worry we’ll fix him.” Even though I’d know that wasn’t your intention. The important part of that scene was that Jo ASKED. Leo’s “healing” moment was not that he finally felt “safe” enough to be touched, but that he was finally in a safe environment with an adult who was considerate enough to ask.

- Anyway, that was my TED talk on “problems with how touch-aversion is presented in the media and why this fanfic handled it beautifully”

- If it’s not the box under the bed, this “distraction project” could be the catalyst for Leo’s mission I’m calling it right now.

- “Why couldn’t he seem to change himself into a person he actually liked?” Ooooh brother I ask myself that question every day.

- I’m starting to definitely think that the way Calypso and Leo’s breakup is presented here is bringing up a lot of feelings about a recent falling out I’ve hand with some life-long friends of mine. I won’t go into much detail but every time I try and have a conversation with them about it they’re just closed off and shut me out. Neither of them are particularly emotionally mature people who are very good at talking about their feelings, and I find it incredibly frustrating as someone who is hyper-honest to a fault and who can’t read their behaviours to figure out what I did wrong on my own. And I’m very much worried that I’m kinda being the Calypso in this situation, which is a very difficult revelation for me. Anyway this is what happens when you cathart all your emotions through fanfiction

- And we’re starting to sew the seeds of Leo having romantic-styles feelings for Jason. I was wondering how you were gonna do that considering that Jason’s not around for Leo to catch feelings in the present and now, but I like the direction this is going and would love to see more

- I hate writing both breakup and getting-together scenes as they’re something I’ve never really been very good at in real life, so I’m glad you enjoyed writing this one. I don’t think it’s mean at all, as I find writing something as nuanced as this to always be a fun challenge.

- By how you talk about them in the notes, I’m interested to see your take on Caleo if they ever reach a kinder, more understanding point post-breakup. You are so right about everything you’ve said about them.

- However, I am glad that she won’t be featured in a major role going forward, as Valgrace is where my heart is at.

- Idk if any of this made sense, but still. Love this fic

- I always start these rambles with “I’ve not got much to say about this chapter” and end up actually saying a lot. Whoopsie.

The choiceless hope in grief (chapter four)

Leo’s relationship with Calypso had been a wreck since he’d gotten back. Most of their interactions dissolved into arguments. It wasn’t entirely Calypso’s fault. Their relationship had been hanging by a thread for months at this point, and that thread had been frayed and on the verge of snapping even before Leo had left. Everything that had happened since then had just made it worse. If things had been different, maybe they could have fixed this. If leaving the island hadn’t robbed Calypso of her powers and her immortality. If Leo hadn’t come back from his best friend’s funeral, barely a shadow of his former self, unable to make good on his promise of a normal life. If they were both a little better at communicating and empathizing with each other.  If. If. If. But things weren’t different, and they were exactly who their respective experiences had shaped them into, and so things were a mess. They fought about school. The thing was: Leo did not like school at the best of times. Him and school would never be friends. Honestly, them ever becoming amicable acquaintances seemed like a stretch. He deeply did not feel like dealing with classes on top of trying to deal with Jason’s death. So he just didn’t go, regardless of what he’d promised Calypso. They fought about Leo holing himself up in his room. They fought about Calypso’s powers. They fought about Leo’s sense of humor, and the amount of Iris messages he sent to Piper and the fact that he talked to her but would not talk to Calypso. They fought about a bunch of really minor garbage because they were both angry and on edge and none of this was working.  It took two weeks of arguing back and forth for Leo to snap at her that his best friend was fucking dead, and could she please back the hell off? To Calypso’s credit, she did try to comfort him, then. Tried to apologize. Tried to at least cut back on the number of fights they were having. But it didn’t work. Things between them didn’t improve.  Calypso just didn’t get Leo—not when it came to this, and not when it came to anything else. That the problem was mutual also didn’t help. They were two bent, broken gears that fit together so poorly that it had really only been a matter of time before the entire machine exploded.

Rating: Teen and Up

Chapter Word Count: 5.6k

CWs: Breakup time! General themes of isolation and self-loathing, which feels like business as usual at this point. It does feel slightly worse to me personally than the previous chapters did, which is probably related to the fact that Piper isn’t around. Also, mild warning for people with emetophobia. Being sick is just mentioned briefly (skip the first paragraph of the section that starts with the sentence “Leo forgot about fixing the stupid pipes that had started the argument.” if you want to be safe, it’s just that very tiny section) and isn’t described but I thought the warning probably couldn’t hurt just in case.

First | < Prev | Next >

———

Chapter 4: Calypso breaks a pattern

It was mid-April by the time Leo got back to the Waystation. 

Honestly, he felt like he deserved props for not just bolting the hell out of Tahlequah in the middle of the night after the horrible vision he’d had.

Granted, even if he’d wanted to, that would have been kind of difficult considering he’d managed to startle Piper awake with his screaming, but still.

Piper hadn’t pushed him to talk about his dream, but they hadn’t gone back to sleep after. Leo had joked that maybe this was a sign from the gods that they shouldn’t waste their last night together sleeping, but really, he’d just known that even if he’d tried, he wouldn’t have been able to sleep another wink. He was too terrified of waking up to his hands on fire and smoke curling around his ankles.

Instead of sleeping, they’d spent the night kicking each other’s asses at Mario Kart.

When she’d hugged him goodbye, Leo had very bravely not spent the whole time thinking about the fact that he might set Piper on fire by accident.

He didn’t know for sure his dream had been a vision, but some of the details seemed too random for him to just make up. Why an underground parking garage? Why would Piper use a blowpipe? And the voice he’d heard… he’d been dealing with this nonsense long enough that he was sure it had to be some kind of deity.

Besides, Leo knew it was more than possible for him to lose control like that. It had happened before. Who was to say it couldn’t happen again?

As much as that sucked, it did seem like a sign that going back to the Waystation was the right choice. If Leo wasn’t around Piper, he couldn’t explode into a firestorm in an underground parking garage and hurt her—or worse. That was pretty sound logic, in his opinion.

Piper had known something was up, but he’d played it off by saying he was just worried about what would happen with Calypso when he got back, considering she hadn’t exactly been happy with him during their call. Piper had accepted that explanation. A tiny, awful part of Leo felt grateful that she had never been able to read him quite as well as Jason.

His return to the Waystation was a bit of a mixed bag. Jo and Emmie seemed happy enough to have him back, asking for help in the workshop and with dinner. Georgina hugged his knees and then promptly bolted again. Lit gave him a semi-pleasant nod—or whatever qualified as semi-pleasant from someone who’d tried to kill you at one point.

Calypso, though… yeah, she wasn’t Leo’s biggest fan right now.

She was in good company, considering Leo wasn’t too happy with himself, either.

Calypso really wanted to know the reason why he’d ditched her. Leo, on the other hand, still didn’t feel like talking about what had happened. This, maybe predictably, didn’t mix well.

It took all of three minutes of him being back for them to have their first fight. Things did not get more pleasant from there.

~~~~

The next month passed in a grief-heavy haze, most of which Leo only vaguely remembered later.

A lot of those days, he operated purely on autopilot. 

Leo gave Festus his promised repairs and upgrades and Tabasco sauce and was graciously forgiven with a few nuzzles and another fire shower. 

Afterwards, Leo threw himself into a bunch of projects—anything Jo said she needed help with. Anything that could use fixing and improvements around the Waystation. He worked and worked and worked relentlessly because things were kind of okay as long as he didn’t have time to pause and think and miss Jason.

When he wasn’t working on any of his other projects, he had one of his own he was fidgeting with. He wasn’t sure what it would be when he started. It was just a mess of wires and strings and anything else he could think of. There wasn’t a purpose to it. He just needed to keep himself busy when there was nothing else to work on, and for some reason this was the nonsense blueprint his brain had picked—one that was metaphorically upside down, with all of the instructions in a language Leo couldn’t speak. 

Well, he supposed distracting himself was easier when he had no idea what he was doing. Maybe he’d find a brilliant use for whatever this was supposed to be once it was done. That had happened before. And if he didn’t… well, it didn't really matter. At least it kept him busy for now. And it wasn’t like he couldn’t take the thing apart and rebuild it into something new if it turned out to be useless.

Leo kept to himself a lot more than he had when he’d been with Piper. Being alone with his thoughts still sucked, but it sucked less than having to explain things to people who fundamentally didn’t get it. People who might try to make him talk about events and feelings he’d rather keep between him and Piper or put back in the box and never acknowledge again.

Being at the Waystation wasn’t bad, for the most part. Jo and Emmie gave him space when he asked for it. They clearly knew something was wrong, but they seemed to accept that he wasn’t ready to talk about whatever it was.

Leo was made to help with meals on the better days, and on the worse days someone brought food up to his room.

When Jo realized being busy seemed to help him, she gave him additional little projects to work on. She asked him to come into the workshop and then let him work wordlessly by her side if that was what he wanted, occasionally trading tools or asking for advice if he was up for it. It felt a little like it had with his siblings. Not that that was a thought Leo allowed himself often—missing Camp Half-Blood was an express train to thoughts about why he couldn’t bear to go back, and he did not need to take that right now.

Leo wasn’t as close to Emmie, who was more focused on the gardens, which really weren’t his area of expertise, but when they did interact, she was kind.

As an additional way to keep himself busy, he made little toys for Georgina. She always got super excited about them, and if nothing else, that at least temporarily managed to put a smile on Leo’s face.

Things with Lit were kind of weird, but they managed to make dinner together in amicable silence, which was more than Leo could say about Calypso.

Leo’s relationship with Calypso had been a wreck since he’d gotten back. Most of their interactions dissolved into arguments.

It wasn’t entirely Calypso’s fault. Their relationship had been hanging by a thread for months at this point, and that thread had been frayed and on the verge of snapping even before Leo had left. Everything that had happened since then had just made it worse.

If things had been different, maybe they could have fixed this. If leaving the island hadn’t robbed Calypso of her powers and her immortality. If Leo hadn’t come back from his best friend’s funeral, barely a shadow of his former self, unable to make good on his promise of a normal life. If they were both a little better at communicating and empathizing with each other. 

If. If. If.

But things weren’t different, and they were exactly who their respective experiences had shaped them into, and so things were a mess.

They fought about school. The thing was: Leo did not like school at the best of times. Him and school would never be friends. Honestly, them ever becoming amicable acquaintances seemed like a stretch. He deeply did not feel like dealing with classes on top of trying to deal with Jason’s death. So he just didn’t go, regardless of what he’d promised Calypso.

They fought about Leo holing himself up in his room. They fought about Calypso’s powers. They fought about Leo’s sense of humor, and the amount of Iris messages he sent to Piper and the fact that he talked to her but would not talk to Calypso.

They fought about a bunch of really minor garbage because they were both angry and on edge and none of this was working. 

It took two weeks of arguing back and forth for Leo to snap at her that his best friend was fucking dead, and could she please back the hell off?

To Calypso’s credit, she did try to comfort him, then. Tried to apologize. Tried to at least cut back on the number of fights they were having.

But it didn’t work. Things between them didn’t improve. 

Calypso just didn’t get Leo—not when it came to this, and not when it came to anything else. That the problem was mutual also didn’t help.

They were two bent, broken gears that fit together so poorly that it had really only been a matter of time before the entire machine exploded.

Right! Leo’s machine metaphors. They fought about those, too.

It wasn’t that they hadn’t had their good moments. They’d bonded when she’d first helped him to get off of her island. They’d had a few good weeks after he’d come back for her. But the longer and more frustrating their journey had gotten, the faster that initial honeymoon phase had worn off, the nice moments sprinkled far and few between.

Leo couldn’t pinpoint what the first crack had been—when the pointless arguments had become their normal, growing more heated with time. Had it been the nightmares? The constant monster encounters? Had it been something specific one of them had said or done?

Maybe it didn’t actually matter how they’d gotten to this point. Maybe all that mattered was this: in the end, the choice he’d made to sacrifice himself to rescue her like the hero in a romantic epic couldn’t make up for the fact that they were terminally incompatible people. 

No, sorry, not rescued. He’d just collected her. She hated when he called it a rescue.

That they cared about each other didn’t mean a thing when they couldn’t seem to understand each other to save their lives.

Leo didn’t know how to support Calypso through the loss of a steady home when he hadn’t had one of those since he’d been eight. He didn’t know how to handle the resentment she very clearly harbored towards the fact that he’d gotten her off the island, despite having asked for it and happily agreed to it at the time. He didn’t know what to do with the guilt he felt over her having to trade her immortality and most of her powers for her freedom.

Calypso didn’t know how to handle him, either. This maybe shouldn’t have come as a surprise—few people in his life ever had. She’d grown weary of his jokes over time, down to interrupting him and apologizing for them to other people when Leo felt like joking was the only way he could remember to breathe. She wanted emotional sincerity, which he’d always been terrible at. She usually didn’t understand the way he saw the world, and when she did understand, she didn’t seem to like it very much. 

Calypso’s desire to settle down in a quiet place like this was fundamentally at odds with everything Leo had been for so long.

Even that would have been far too much for most relationships to handle. But they’d tried to make do. Decided to settle down at the Waystation and figure out what their relationship could be in a safe environment. And Leo really had wanted to try and make this work.

Except then he’d had to leave to help his friends, and he never fully came back.

This, it turned out, was finally too much. More than anything, their already fragile relationship could not handle the death of Jason Grace. 

Six months of cracks and fissures tore wide open, and suddenly they found themselves screaming at each other from across a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon.

As much as she tried to, Calypso did not understand mortal grief that wasn’t clean and obvious. She’d been isolated for so long that this maybe shouldn’t have been surprising. 

She kept cornering Leo in the workshop after dinner, apparently determined to bug him into one of the emotional conversations that seemed to be her cure-all regardless of the fact that he would much rather explode himself a second time than talk about this particular topic.

“Why won’t you let me help you?” Calypso asked for the umpteenth time, trying to reach out to place a hand on his shoulder. “I could if you would just let me.”

He despised that she didn’t take no for an answer on this. Every day for the past week, she’d tried to start this exact same conversation, and it just didn’t get through her fucking skull that he didn’t want to have it—especially not with her.

Leo didn’t know how to make her understand that he didn’t want the kind of help she was offering. That it just wasn’t how he operated. 

Hades, even if it had been, Leo was pretty sure there was no helping him. Trying to help him was how people ended up dead.

“I need to be alone right now,” he snapped, pulling away from her. “I have work to do.”

He gestured to the work bench, which was covered with a collection of faulty pipes in various stages of decay that needed fixing almost as desperately as Leo needed a distraction.

For a moment, Calypso’s hand lingered in the empty air between them. There was a kind of hurt in her eyes Leo didn’t get at all. He was the one with the dead best friend, for fuck’s sake. Heneeded to figure out how to deal with it. What gave Calypso the right to make him feel like shit about the way he was coping?

“No one should be alone during a time like this,” she insisted, trying to reach out again. “I can see that you’re hurting. I don’t understand why you won’t talk to me, but it’s still obvious you need-”

Leo had had it at this point.

“No. You have absolutely no clue what I need. For someone who’s always telling me to talk about my feelings, you’re doing a shit job listening to me.” Leo gritted his teeth. “You wanna hear what happened to Jason? Fine! It’s the same thing that always happens to me. I get distracted and lose things, courtesy of my ADHD. Sometimes it’s screwdrivers, or the box of crayons I bought for Georgina’s birthday. Sometimes it’s my best friend.”

It was barely a joke. His laugh sounded forced and bitter even to Leo’s own ears. But it was the only way for him to not drown in it all.

Calypso’s almost hopeful expression fell, replaced immediately with utter disbelief.

“Can you not be serious for fifteen seconds? Not even about this?” She sounded exasperated. “When I try to bring up what happened, you avoid me. You throw yourself into a new nonsensical project and refuse to talk to me. But the next second, you’re fine joking about your friend’s death like it’s at all comparable to misplacing a box of crayons! Does it make you feel good to let yourself care for him so little?”

Leo felt like he’d been punched. He wanted to throw up. He couldn’t think. Everywhere he looked, he saw some memory of Jason smiling back at him, and he couldn’t deal with it. He couldn’t rewatch any of the movies they’d seen together, or listen to the kind of music Jason liked, because doing so would snap him clean in half even if he’d been having a good day. He couldn’t even make a blasted joke without imagining Jason’s eyes crinkle, his serious expression softening into a laugh that Leo would never fucking hear again. 

Calypso had never made much of an effort to understand how and why Leo used his humor. Who the hell did she think she was to tell him he didn’t care about the person who had mattered most to him in the entire world?

“I’m just saying it like it is!” he snapped. The vortex in his chest swallowed everything, scraping him raw and bloody and leaving only his nastiest parts. “I got distracted. You distracted me! I wish I’d left you on that fucking island!”

The thought had been drifting around in his mind since he’d gotten back—burning, festering, building up pressure before finally erupting out of him like from an active volcano. He knew the second he let the words explode out of him that he would never be able to take them back.

If it hadn’t been for Calypso, Leo wouldn’t have left his friends. He would have had six more months with Jason, if nothing else. Six months that he’d foolishly wasted, thinking they’d have all the time in the world once he got back. Maybe he could have been there when it happened—could have changed something, or at least said goodbye. 

Instead, he’d sacrificed all that for a girl he’d barely known—a girl who wasn’t even sure she wanted to be away from her island prison.

And now here Leo was, desperately trying to find some way to keep himself going after Jason’s death, despite feeling like an automaton with half the pieces ripped out. And there Calypso was, trampling all over his feelings and Jason’s memory like she knew better than Leo how he was supposed to be feeling right now. How he was supposed to be handling this.

Calypso looked horrified, then furious, and Leo couldn’t find it in him to care at that moment. She’d hit him in his sorest spot, and in that moment he wanted her to hurt. Wanted her to know exactly how she’d made him feel.

“If what you’re saying is that an eternity of isolation might have been the preferable fate if the alternative was your company, I’m beginning to agree.” Calypso’s hands were clenched into fists at her sides. “All I did was try to comfort you, in a way no one ever bothered to do for me, and this is the thanks I get?”

“Your idea of ‘comfort’ is apparently stepping all over my boundaries until I give in and do what you want, so no, gratitude isn’t the word that comes to mind! Screw you!” he shot back. The spark of his fury, now that he’d finally let it loose, hit kindling. And before he could think to stop it, it was a forest fire. “What right do you have to get mad at me for saying that when you’re not even sure you want to be here half the time?! Besides, you’ve made it pretty clear you hate me for getting you out of there!”

“You never even bothered to try and understand why I felt conflicted about leaving! You just decided that I shouldn’t, so you could continue to feel like the grand hero who rescued me! I chose to go with you, yes, but it was not the easy choice you clearly think it should have been!” Calypso scowled at him. “Trapped as I was, Ogygia was also the only home I knew for an eternity. I made the furniture you destroyed. I planted the gardens—watched them grow from the first seeds. Do you have any idea how it felt to leave all that?”

She was right, of course. Leo didn’t understand. He got cabin fever in most places if he stayed too long. If someone had trapped him somewhere—anywhere, even in the coolest place on earth—for years, Leo would have jumped at the opportunity to leave and never look back. 

He also didn’t really care to understand at this point.

“My best friend is dead!” Leo shouted back. “Sorry if I can’t find it in me right now to care about you missing your fucking tomato plants!”

“It’s me you don’t seem to care about! You let me think you were dead for weeks!” He could see the tension in her hands as she clenched them even tighter. “I’m sorry about Jason. I am. I’m trying to help you, but you won’t allow me to. And somehow that’s my fault, too!”

“I told you exactly how you could help! It was by leaving me the fuck alone!”

“Unlike you, I don’t intend to make a habit of leaving the people I love to their pain!”

They spent the next several minutes screaming at each other, both of them spiraling, the full extent of their bottled-up hurt and resentment glad to explode in their faces. 

“You know what?” Leo yelled finally, his voice raw. “If you really hate me that much, maybe we shouldn’t be in a relationship.”

“We aren’t in a relationship,” Calypso said, like this wasn’t a discussion at all. Like she was merely stating a fact. “You can’t even talk to me. You’ve spent the past several weeks avoiding me. That is not a relationship. I’m beginning to think that it never was.” Over the course of the argument, all the fight had drained out of her. Now, she just sounded hollow as she spoke. “I’m done with this, Leo. I’m not waiting around for you to leave me again.”

“Great! We’re done, then!” 

That was it. Six months tumbling into the chasm like it was nothing. Like that was where they were always destined to end up, sooner or later.

Despite everything, Leo kind of wanted to curl up and cry.

“I’ve watched hero after hero leave me over the years. I was a fool to think you’d be any different.” There was a bitterness to her voice. A hurt that was somehow both fresh and much, much older than Leo was. “The others at least had the decency to be kind about it. They all left me for noble causes. But you? You had the cruelty to promise you’d stay with me, knowing full well that you already had one foot out the door. Because that’s not who you are, is it? You don’t stay.”

“Right. Gods forbid you spend ten minutes not reminding me I’m not the perfect hero you always dreamed of.”

“It’s not about whether you’re a hero, Leo Valdez. I cared for you because I thought you understood. Because you spoke of not belonging with your friends, and it sounded like you knew what it was like to be left behind. Because I saw a kindred spirit, and believed that you would keep your promise to come back to me.” Her voice was watery. When Leo forced himself to look up at her, he realized Calypso’s eyes were brimming with tears. “But I understand now that the problem was never that you did not fit in with your friends. Your real problem is your cowardice. You run from your friends and you run from your feelings and you run from any place that might accept you as you are, because if you just burn all your bridges indiscriminately, you never have to find out which ones might not hold your weight. But you also lose any chance you have of finding the ones that will.”

Then she turned and headed for the door, leaving him standing alone in the middle of the workshop, exactly like he’d wanted.

~~~~

Leo forgot about fixing the stupid pipes that had started the argument. For a while, he just stood there, frozen in place, tears pouring freely down his face. He felt empty and disgusted with himself. It got so bad that the nausea became physical. His lunch came up. Then he spent several minutes dry-heaving, wishing he could disappear. Wishing he’d just died correctly the first time.

Jo found him like this—a trembling heap on the bathroom floor. She made it worse because she didn’t scold him, despite the fact that Leo was sure the screaming match must’ve been audible throughout the entire Waystation. She didn’t call him a horrible person. 

She just helped him back to his room and asked what had happened. 

There was no pressure behind it, no coaxing. It was just a question. He didn’t have to tell her anything.

But the fight had rattled all of Leo’s broken parts loose, and now he came apart, dissolving into sobs. He didn’t tell her everything—there were many things he didn’t think he could ever tell her, or anyone else for that matter—but she got the CliffNotes version of his recent epic screwups, half-swallowed by his pathetic wailing.

Jo still didn’t look at him like he was a horrible person when he was done. Not when he talked about how he’d messed up with Jason. Not when he talked about his fight with Calypso, or after his shameful admission that he couldn’t stand to be around her half the time because all it did was remind him of every moment with Jason that he’d wasted rescuing a person who apparently couldn’t even stand him.

Leo hated himself for these thoughts. Hated that he’d yelled at Calypso that he wished he hadn’t gotten her off the island. It didn’t matter how mad and hurt he was right now—no one deserved to spend their life in that kind of solitary confinement. 

…okay, maybe not no one. Leo could openly admit that he would wish it on Gaia and Caligula and Jason’s mom, if they’d still been alive—for them to be so far away from any living being that they could never hurt anyone again. 

But Calypso didn’t make that list. She wasn’t even anywhere near that list. What kind of horrible person would say something like that to someone they cared about, even when they were fighting?

“Neither of you handled that very well,” Jo determined when he finished. “She shouldn’t have said the things she did, and you shouldn’t have lashed out at her. But you’re both hurting, and grief is a messy creature. Apologies may be warranted, but from both sides. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I think we broke something we can’t fix,” Leo admitted quietly, his shoulders trembling. “I’m not sure I want to fix it.” 

He felt awful admitting that out loud.

“You don’t have to stay in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. Not for any reason,” Jo said, gentle in a way Leo wasn’t sure he deserved. “It doesn’t sound like either of you were very happy.”

And they hadn’t been. Not for a long time. So why did this breakup still suck so much?

Leo didn’t have the strength for any more words in him. He just pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed.

“If you’d like, I could sit on the bed with you and put an arm around you,” Jo offered. She’d pulled up the chair from his work bench instead of just sitting next to him initially. “I know physical comfort sometimes helps. I also know that sometimes it doesn’t. Just tell me what you need.”

Leo had never had a foster parent like Josephine before. 

He’d had ones who would have tried to hold him regardless of his comfort, like a stranger smothering a traumatized child who had just lost the only family he’d ever known was going to help anything. He’d had others who had yelled at him to shut up and get over himself. Once, Teresa had locked him in her storage closet for three hours because he hadn’t cried quietly enough.

None of them had ever thought to ask.

Jo wasn’t Jason or Piper. She most definitely wasn’t Leo’s mom, whose arms had always felt like the safest place on earth. But she was kind, and patient, and being held by her actually did help a little. Leo hadn’t had an adult like that in his life since he was eight years old.

It was almost comforting that he got to have this. Unfortunately, it also made him miss his mom with a fierce desperation he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Why was he never able to keep any of the people he loved?

~~~~

After Jo left, Leo stayed up all night tinkering with his distraction project. He didn’t want to sleep—to deal with the nightmares that were bound to come like clockwork after a day like this, in case sleep even managed to find him at all. He just wanted to keep his mind off everything for a while. 

For once, tinkering didn’t help. Leo couldn’t shut his brain off. He wasn’t even sure what he was building, but none of it seemed to fit together quite right, and more than once he had to screw pieces loose again. In the end, it looked like this misshapen… whatever it was had exploded all over his workbench.

“Well, at least that makes a decent metaphor for both my relationship and my life, I guess,” he groaned, briefly considering tossing the entire thing out of his bedroom window.

So much for keeping his thoughts off the breakup. 

He kept thinking back to all the awful things he’d said, replaying them in his mind like the world’s nastiest YouTube video stuck on loop. 

Almost worse than the breakup itself was the fact that the weeping breakdown he’d had with Jo afterwards was exactly the kind of conversation Calypso had been trying to have with him for weeks. Probably not to the degree she would have liked, but it had been something. So much more than he’d been able to share with anyone who wasn’t Piper.

Why hadn’t he been able to just give Calypso what she wanted? Why couldn’t he seem to change himself into a person other people actually liked?

Part of him wondered if love always felt like this—raw and awful and aching, forcing you both to twist parts of yourself into a different shape until you fit together, even if it didn’t feel right or comfortable for anyone involved. If it was always like hammering broken machine parts into place to very barely keep things running, with everything constantly on the verge of coming apart.

A more treacherous part of him knew that it didn’t. Remembered the way Jason had laughed even at his lamest jokes, and the way his eyes lit up whenever Leo rambled about some new device he was working on—obviously not quite understanding what Leo was talking about most of the time, but making up for it with all the genuine enthusiasm he had to offer. The way Jason had seemed to trust him so instinctually, even when Leo felt like he didn’t deserve that trust. How Jason had always had a kind of confidence in Leo’s plans that Leo himself distinctly lacked.

He remembered Jason just showing up to help with the Argo II, despite the fact that he had no clue what he was doing—dropping by with snacks and water bottles and tricking Leo into taking breaks by bringing up movies he’d never watched or things he needed explained to him or complaining about how sick he was of sitting alone at dinner.

Sometimes Leo had fallen asleep on the bunker floor working late into the night, but he’d always woken up in his bed. Nyssa had given him endless shit about the fact that Jason had kept carrying him back to the cabin like some fainting damsel.

“You’re sure he’s dating Piper? Because I’ve never seen him carry her around like that.”

“Yeah, well, unlike me, Piper has a reasonable sleep schedule like a complete bore.”

Jason had never made a big deal about it when he’d asked—he’d just said that the floor was cold and hard and he didn’t want Leo to get sick or hurt himself by accident. He’d said it like it was the most natural thing in the world to him.

Leo knew that meeting Jason had changed him. It had changed Jason, too. But that had been different. It hadn’t felt like bending out of shape. It had been like him hammering away on heated metal, working out the kinks on two pieces with gentle precision until they fit together to make an even better whole.

Leo hadn’t recognized it, back then. Hadn’t questioned the way seeing Jason and Piper together made his chest hurt. They were the first real friends he’d made in a long time. Of course it ached to feel like they’d found each other and didn’t need him anymore.

That truth was easier. It was instinctual, almost, to cling to it. If Leo had recognized what his feelings were—clung to all the ways love could be when it was Jason—then he might have lost him. He might have made things weird between them, messing up the two perfectly good friendships he had in the process.

Leo had been losing people since he was eight years old and so very rarely allowed himself to get attached to others so completely. He’d never been able to stand the thought of losing Jason or Piper. Maybe he’d subconsciously decided it wasn’t worth the risk.

That kind of love had always been for other people, anyway. The way Jason had looked at him—awe and joy and utter trust—didn’t matter when Leo couldn’t be loved like that. He’d been content with Jason just continuing to love him the way someone loved a best friend, because even that had felt like more than Leo thought he’d ever be able to have. More than Leo deserved.

Because the Fates were cruel, Leo had lost Jason in a way that was far more awful and permanent than the ache and awkwardness of unrequited feelings. And if his shitty nightmare visions were anything to go by, there was still a pretty decent chance he’d lose Piper, too.

———

Notes:

…is it mean of me to say that I actually had a blast writing the breakup scene? I don’t think I’ve ever written a messy breakup before this (pretty sure this was only my second ever breakup scene, and the first one was the amicable jiper breakup in Fate verse, which has completely different vibes), so I was super nervous before writing it, but I ended up enjoying it a lot.

Calypso and Leo actually kind of fascinate me, ngl. I don’t care for them romantically at all, but there’s something to be said about two broken, traumatized kids whose defining traits include that they’re both desperate to be loved and so they latch onto the first person available, despite the fact that they’re objectively a terrible fit. Let’s put the girl who has massive trauma surrounding abandonment with the guy whose go-to coping strategy has been running away for half of his life and see what happens! And the thing is they want to love each other. They want to love each other so badly. But their personalities and traumas are so diametrically opposed to one another that even in their attempts to care they cannot help but press down on each other’s bruises. It is so, so important to me to stress that neither Calypso nor Leo are fundamentally bad people. Neither of them is the person the other one needs, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be loved. They both need kindness and time to heal. That being said, they should preferably do that healing far, far away from each other. (This is the only chapter of the fic that Calypso plays a major role in, and there is a reason for that.)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Leo’s understandably having a bit of a Time right now, but we did get him to a point where he could admit his crush on Jason to himself, so… progress? …is admitting you were in love with your dead best friend progress? Who knows! But since this is a valgrace fic, I hope at least you readers got a kick out of it, because Leo sure as hell isn’t having a fun time with it at the moment! Something something love that requires you to be someone you’re not vs. the way you cannot help but be changed by the experience of loving someone with your entire heart and soul.

Comments of any kind are, as always, super, super appreciated. I’m kind of having a Time myself right now and I do thrive on feedback, so! But either way, thank you for reading! See you guys next week!

Tag List: @poppitron360 @lilyfrey @lady-silkwing @intenebrisobscurat @manygeese @ann-rex

[onlyforyoukook]

Daddy issues || JJK

paring: mafia jk x fem¡reader

genre: smut, yandere, a bit of angst, mafia au

a/n: this isn’t proofread so sorry for spelling errors. Anyway enjoy.

MDNI 🔞

Warnings: mafia jk, married couple, virgin reader, yandere, hair pulling, unprotected sex, nonchalant jk, guns, mentions of gas station bathroom sex, ass griping, aftercare, attempted suicide, overstimulation, dom jk, kidnap, violence, submissive reader, name calling, pet names. etc;

synopsis: your nonchalant mafia husband who never pays attention to you but something changes his mind or someone..

You woke up to the breeze of the window being open, you look at the bed and notice your husband didn’t come in last night. It’s nothing new though. Not like he’s being coming anyway. Just as you’re about to hit the hay once again. Jungkook bursts into the room. “There’s breakfast made for you.” as he coldly and quickly walked out the room. you go downstairs to eat your breakfast..

When you notice jungkooks bodyguard eyeing you down. “Something i can help you with sir?” you say sternly. “n-nothing ma’am.” the bodyguard said quickly as he looks away to avoid eye contact.

“Okay, I’ll take my leave.” You stood up as you excused yourself from the table. Jungkooks bodyguard eyes follows you all the way to the sink examining your body. In paradise. Jungkook quickly notices. “Eyes off my wife.” he said in the most sexiest nonchalant way possible. “Yes sir!”

The bodyguard stood intense as he started sweating, knowing what’s about to go down once you leave the kitchen. As you’re leaving out Jungkook quickly stops you by saying your name. “Y/N” “yes?” you say surprised as he never really talked to you unless he’s telling you to do something.

“I’m taking you on a date tonight, be ready by 9.” as he walked out of the kitchen. Now you’re happy as ever this is the first date you guys have been on since your parents forced you to get to him married a year ago. He was also much older than you so you didn’t expect him to be interested in such things. As you excitedly make your way to the bathroom you quickly notice something in the end corner of your hallway but you think nothing of it.

You’re swaying to the music playing as you’re showering. However.. You hear a knock on the door. You’re confused because who would be knocking on the door? you quickly wrapped your towel around your body and opened the door. Jungkooks bodyguard? “What th-“ before you could finish your sentence he quickly grabbed you.

Muffled screams — a bag over your head. “shutup and stop moving.” he tells you as you try and kick him. “this’ll all be easy if you just shut the fuck up and go along with it.” he says in a angry tone. “Why are you doing this to me?” — “There’s always a reason for everything.”

Last thing you remember is being dragged out of your own home. “where am i?” trying to look around but it’s pitch darkness. “don’t worry about it babygirl.” his bodygaurd says as he moves a strand of hair out of your face, and plant a kiss on your cheek. “NO PLEASE.” you screamed. “please just let me go.”

“Can’t do that cutiepie.” he starts to rant about jungkook, as you try to find a way to escape. He quickly notices you and laughs. “Whatever you’re doing, it’s not gonna work.” as he pointed his gun and the back of your head.

Now more scared than ever you don’t know what to do. You wonder what jungkooks doing, if he’ll be able to save you. You just start thinking of all the possible scenarios. what if he kills me??? He slowly slides the muzzle of the gun down the back of your head.

Shit you thought to yourself, how did i get myself into this situation. as you start to cry, he gets irritated at the sound of you crying and clocks you in the back of the head with the gun. what did you ever do to him..

3 DAYS LATER

You’re waking up remember nothing that happened. It feels as you’ve been in here for days, where’s jungkook? Has he been looking for you? So many thoughts intrude your brain. As you start to break down once again, quietly.

“Why did it have to be me.” you say as you wipe a tear. You notice a dim light in the corner of the room. “are we in a barn??” you ask your self confused. You notice a shard of glass on the ground. You let your intrusive thoughts win.

Just as you were about to end it all, jungkook your savior, your husband, your everything. he comes in and screams your name as he run towards you. This is the most worried you’ve ever seen him. As he never worried about you.

He quickly grabs you and notices a long cut going down your leg, now he’s more angrier than ever. “Who did this to you Y/N? I’ll find that bastard and kill him.” You’ve never expected jungkook to be so protective of you.

“I-it was..” you try and seek out his name but once again you start to break down. “It’s okay My love if you’re not ready to say it then you don’t have to.” — “no i’m okay” you say as you sniffle. “It was andres.. your body guard” — “That bastard? How could i have been so dumb to let him around my family.”

Andres not knowing jungkook was here comes out, “i have to kill yo-.” his sentence is cut short when jungkook punches him in his face. You close your eyes as you don’t wanna see that. Your sight of them fighting is making matters even worse. “TAKE Y/N OUT OF HERE NOW.” jungkook screams at his body guards. As they grab you and put you in the car, you hear a gun shot.

Your heart drops. luckily jungkook came walking out of there. He’s looks horrible, likes he’s been the one kidnapped. You cry as you have nothing else to do. “Take care of him.” jungkook tells his bodyguards as he gets in the car.

Now more furious than ever, jungkook is speeding on highway swerving past every car. “Jungkook please slow down.” you say concerned. He looks at you and scoffs. “Y/N, i never got the chance to ask you, are you okay my love?” — You started blushing as he never asks such this. “i-im doing w-well.” barely straining the words out of your mouth.

He sets his hand on your thigh as he rubs it softly and slightly. You’re starting to get wet, at his actions. You pull up to a gas station, in the middle of nowhere. “get out, we’re getting snacks.” — you’re now as happy as ever, but as soon as you step out of the car, you fall.

Barely able to stand up, Jungkook quickly notices you and runs to grab you. “i got you sweet girl.” — you slowly wrap your arms around him as he carries you into the gas station bathroom. The cashier called out, “uh sir you can’t go into the women’s restroom.” jungkook just ignored him. He started to clean your face and around your scar, “we can’t let this get infected, now can we?” you nod your head.

You’re loving this princess treatment he’s giving you. This is probably the most he’s spoken to you since you got married. You can’t resist him as you give him a peck on his cheek. “thank you so much for this.” — “i’d do anything for my wife, even if i don’t show it.” — this made you more hornier than ever. as you dash forward and kiss him on his lips.

You quickly backed away as you covered your mouth. “im so sorry.” — “nothing to worry about sweetheart, a little kiss won’t hurt will it?” — So you start making out, the soft moans escaping your lips as he kisses down your neck. You quickly stop. “i-im a virgin.” covering your face in embarrassment. “i know darling, that’s why i didn’t do but kiss you.” as he places a soft kiss on your temple.

“Love i don’t you to have your first time in a gas station bathroom.” — he was so cute, so worried about you. It made you hornier than ever. “Let’s go home shall we?” you quickly nod your head as he carries you out the bathroom. On the way back home your coldly asleep.

It felt like as soon as you closed your eyes, you were home. jungkook doesn’t even bother waking you up. He carries you into the house. But he doesn’t take you straight to bed. He takes you to the bathroom as he wraps up your leg. “thank you kookie.” tiredly rubbing your eyes. He looks up at the nickname and tilts his head slightly. “kookie?” you dash awake as you apologize, “im sorry.” you say. “You don’t have to be sorry love.” he says as he brushes your hair to the side.

“c’mon love let me put you to bed.” you stand up and fall once again. “idk why you keep doing this to yourself, just let me carries you.” he quickly pics you up like your weight is nothing. He brings you to the bed room and lays beside you.

“Are sleeping in here tonight?” as you grab the blanket, scared to sleep by yourself. “yes love” this one sentence has you folding. “are you okay?” jungkook says as he tilts his head slightly. “yes im fine im fine.” — “ok love get some sleep.” as he cuts off the lights and you both go to bed.

You wake up, wondering if everything was a dream because you don’t see kookie next to you. You stand up, as you limp to the bathroom. Traumatized from what happened in the bathroom a couple of days ago, you quickly shut the door as you leave the room and start looking for kookie. “kookie” you say out. You turn around as you hear “yes love?” so turns out everything wasn’t a dream. You try and run but fail so you limp to him and give him a big fat hug.

“i love you.” you tell him as you hug him tightly as you could. he pushes back from the hug, “you mean that?” he says sternly. — “i do mean it kookie, i love you so much.” — “i love you to Y/N.” as he places a soft kiss on your lips. you tell him “i think im ready.” — “ready for?” he says confused, but interested— “for you to take my virginity.” — he bolts back, in confusion. “you want me to take your virginity?” — “yes kookie i’ve always saved myself until i was married.” you tell him merely embarrassed.

He hugs you in excitement, this was probably the happiest you’ve ever seen him since he normally has a resting bitch face. He picks you up as he carries you to your shared bedroom. “strip.” he says with no emotion on his face. how could he just go from excited to that. But nothing is impossible you think to yourself. You slowly start taking off your clothing.

He admires your beautiful body. “You’re so pretty love.” he tells you as you see drool coming out the side of his mouth. “kook!” you say embarrassed, i think that’s enough staring. He’s so lost in his thoughts he didn’t even hear you. He slowly walks to you and he grips your ass.

He starts kissing you down to your neck. He stops at you boobs , and admire them. “These are MINE, so beautiful.” as he takes one in and starts sucking your boob licking circles around the nipple. You can’t help but moan softly. Which turned him on big time. He started to strip and as he got naked, “suck” he tells you as he strokes his cock.

You get on your knees and slowly start licking circles around his tip. Next thing you know you’re taking him in. Deep throating his dick as he grabs your hair into a ponytail. “yes be a good little slut and suck my cock.” he tells you as he pushes your head for you to take him deeper. You stop to catch your breath breathing hard. “Your dick taste so good kookie.” You tell him as you’re on your knees like a little slut. “Stand up love.” he picks you up and places you on the bed.

He slowly starts kissing from your neck, to your chest, until he makes it to your pussy. Before he began to devour it he asked you “are you sure you wanna do this?” — you nod quickly. He’s licking small circles on your clit, “you don’t know what you’re in for love.” he tells you as he starts devouring you. You start moaning uncontrollably. All these different sensations you’re feeling that you’ve never felt before.

He grabs his cock and starts stroking it, “since you’re my wife we’re going raw.” this comment made you more wet as ever. You start to slide your hand to your pussy , but jungkook quickly slaps it away. “don’t touch.” he says as he slaps the tip of his cock on your clit. “you ready?” he ask you with a concerned look on his face. You shake your head. “words love.”

“Yes kookie please fuck me.” — this turned him on now more than ever rock hard boner. He slowly slides his cock into your pussy. “fuck you’re so tight love.” — “kookie please go slow.” you tell him as you’re in pain. He do as you says and goes slow until you feel no pain, but pleasure.

He starts picking up his paste. “fuck kookie.” — who knew he could fuck this good? he starts sucking your breast as he rubs circles on your clit. You moan in pleasure. As he start making his way up to your face as he whispers in your ear, “you’re gonna take it all babygirl.” this made you wanna cum then and there.

You start looking away in embarrassment as you moan. “Let me see those eyes.” he tells you as he moves your hands from your face. he sloppily kisses you as he fucks you harder than ever before. “kookie slow down” — “you can take this cock like the good little girl you are.” he tells you as he starts picking up his paste once again.

“You look so good beneath me.” — He turns you over as he start fucking you, grabbing your hair pulling it. You moan quietly. As you feel something building up in your stomach. “kookie.” you say. All he says is “don’t hold back love, let it out.” and so you listening and came around his cock. “Look at you coming like the good little girl you are.” he tells you as he’s still grabbing your hair. Fucking you better than ever, “i’ll give you a cream pie, fuck my kids into you.” He tells you as he’s close.

“Fuck, y/n your pussy is so good.” as he flips you back over “we aren’t don’t just yet love.” you want to take control, you want tk take over so you slowly sit on top of him as you ride him like a cowgirl. “fuck, y/n you take me so well.” just him speaking is almost sending you over edge. You continue riding him letting out soft quiet moans. “Louder, let me hear you love.” he tells you, as you begin to moan at your full length.

“I can take it.” you moan out as you feel your climax reaching once again. “you can take it love, let it out.” as he rubs your clit. You start moving slowly as your climax is reaching. “c’mon love you can do better than that.” — this riles you up, and once again you’re feeling in control.

“I’m gonna come y/n ah fuck.” he tells you as he start fucking you back. There’s an over-sensory you start feeling not knowing what it is. Overstimulation. “Fuck kook”, you say as he cream pies you once again. He flips you over as he leaves the getting ready to leave the room. “where ya going kook?” — he just ignores you and walks out the room. “feeling disappointed and discomfort, almost start to cry as you see jungkook coming in the room with a warm towel. Tears of joy in your eyes

“C’mon love let’s go shower yeah?” — you nod instantly he picks you up and takes you to the shower. Once you both get out you go to bed. The things that are to come.