#anyways go read purple haze feedback

[maiaczy]

hi!! first of all i just found your acc and your art is literally so pretty!! literally jealous, i hope you have an amazing day/week/life :)! second, not sure if they’re still open and no worries if they aren’t, but could i request a fugo drawing? either way seriously love your art thank you for making it and existing and stuff!!!

Ahhh thank you sm!! Here you go, he was really fun to draw

[shoechoe]

Fugo's backstory in PHF is 10x better than the anime one what the hell

[raytm]

here is my ten page essay about how important the trust fugo has in bruno is & why he has dubious ??? feelings about giorno & why he leaves & how he lives with the guilt of knowing they were going to die but letting them go anyway.

[coochellati]

Team Bruno fr, I think I was sold pretty quickly and he only got better and better for me haha-

It’s pretty funny because if I’m watching anything with someone and they see me taking notes they’re usually a bit confused but curious about what I might be writing down haha. Usually it’s never anything that important to the story (unless it’s some major detail I don’t wanna forget) and it’s just me just taking notes about traits about the characters I like.

Here, I’m happy to share a couple of my silly notes! I think this shows a pretty accurate variety of the stuff I was noting:

How it started😭😭: “Ok wow Bruno’s little partners are completely insane.

This guy in blue is super superstitious

Fugo acts all calm but he has QUITE a temper

Little guy is just learning. And also incredibly angry.

Abbacchio.”

“Bruno has a good heart🥺🥺”

I wrote out the bit of backstory they revealed about his childhood, which is one thing, but as I was scrolling through my notes looking for interesting examples I noticed I even wrote down a note about how Bruno weighed a little bit more than Prosciutto, I guess I just found that interesting lol.

And I found a special fondness for his place in the other team member’s backstories, but specifically Narancia’s. Bruno’s a specific character type I’ve always admired. I know I won’t be the best at explaining it but I loved that part about how he yelled at Narancia about joining the mafia, but he wasn’t really angry and was just trying to protect him from a life he might regret. One of my favorite scenes for sure. I love that kinda thing.

AND the way his face softened when Narancia swam after them, he was so. Happy. Please. Let Bruno be happy more often-

And I lost it at the “Arrivederci,” scene during the Grateful Dead arc, it was actually so cool and I feel like just watching that scene raised my own coolness by 5%.

Ok trying not to ramble too much but I especially appreciated his reaction to Abbacchio’s death. Watching the leader character having to be strong for the team, but inwardly it’s hurting them so badly-

And to end it on a lighter note, even before I had started jjba I always had a fondness for Bruno’s design since I considered it super iconic and cool. It was neat to finally get to actually see him since he was one of the few Jojo characters I actually knew by name before watching.

And of course the occasional: wow Bruno is so hot when he *insert various hot Bruno moments here*

Fell so hard for him, wow. I do enjoy a few Jojo characters, my other really big one being Rohan, but like. If I had to pick one to actually be with how could I Not pick Bruno-

Anyways thanks for listening to this little ramble about things I ended up writing down about Bruno❤️ and I’m so glad you liked the sketch! He’s fun to draw~

Ack !!! I’m sorry this took me so long to answer 😭

I love how you’re annotating Golden Wind. I wish that I took more notes on Bruno while watching.,,.,,.. Next rewatch i think i will do that,.,.,..

“Little guy is just learning. And also incredibly angry” 😭💀 IM DEAD

Okay, I’m glad you wrote down that Bruno weighs more than Prosciutto, because I totally forgot about that. Cool fact to know.

On the topic of Bruno’s role in Narancia’s backstory—I’m going to recommend you read Purple Haze Feedback. (Here’s a link to the translated story!) It’s a novel that takes place after the events of Golden Wind. The story follows Fugo as he attempts to redeem himself in Giorno’s eyes. The best part is that PHF expands on everyone’s backstory—especially for Narancia, Bruno, and of most of all, Fugo.

PHF is not written by Araki, but there’s original illustrations from him within the novel. So is it canon? Eh—it’s semi-canon. Because this was written well before the anime came out, there are some minor contradictions to the anime’s version of the story. PHF lines up fine with the manga. …So I guess you can choose if it’s canon or not. (I like to pretend it is.)

PHF isn’t very long. I read it straight through in about 4 hours. (I could NOT put it down.)

Anyway!

You know what’s funny? I also adored Bruno’s design before actually watching part 5. And then I watched it and the same shit happened to me. We’re absolutely twinning in this scenario. 😩

…And full confession, I’m also a Rohan stan. I need that narcissistic asshole to put me in my place.

I’m always happy to listen to anyone’s jojo info dumps! You are always welcome to ramble here :)

thanks for the ask! <3

[taraa-dactyl]

Expedition

Read part 1 here -> Aftermath

A/N -> sorry this took so long I am violently depressed and started uni but anyways heres part 2, the plan for this fic is to have around 8 chapters (which could change as I go).

Please feel free to leave any feedback I would love to see what I can work on:)

Summary -> You're struggling with finding your place among the people following your actions during the war, feeling the scorn of the Omatikaya clan your only solace is reluctantly befriending Jake Sully as you both navigate how to find your place within the clan.

Pairing -> Jake Sully x Reader

Word count -> 2.7k

The moist pandorian grass sways and pulses beneath your feet as you trek through the forest in the early morning light. Flecks dance in the daylight that shines and break through the trees that tower over your form as you weave and dodge the fallen tree trunks and roots that spiral through the ground. 

Though you grew up on Pandora you had never really appreciated the wonders of your planet, never having a chance to stop and breath in the fresh air swirling around you, always training and fighting, moving from one conflict to another with no rest. There’s a slight pang in your heart as the realisation dawns on you, but you're quick to move on from the thought. 

You hate to admit it but Jake was the main reason you had spent so much time outside of the camp, busying yourself with random wanders through the forest. Finally getting to explore your home due to his carefree and curious nature that persuaded you to go along with his daily adventures.  

Your days since rejoining the Omatikaya clan had been a haze, you had drifted from each group of clan members looking for duties to fill your day and frankly- to give you a purpose. Since you were prohibited to hunt or even train you tried your hand at weaving, which had been dreadful according to the woman who led and trained the group. You even attempted other artisan practices like pottery and building for the clan, but similarly, it wasn’t one of your strengths.

Which led you to waking up at the crack of dawn to join the gatherers, they tasked you with an easier role of collecting fruit for the day's meals. Your satchel was situated close to your person as you scaled a thick tree trunk, eyeing the deep purple cycloid ribs of Yovo fruit that glistened in the sunlight.

You felt like a kid again traipsing along the moss covered branches, the burden of conflict no longer on your shoulders, and whilst your nonchalant attitude was a welcome change, you knew it wouldn’t last and you would eventually crave the adrenaline that hunting and fighting brought you.

The pads of your fingers grasped the juicy fruit and plucked it from the stem it was dangling from, after filling the bag to the brim you couldn’t hide the smirk from stretching across your face when the urge crossed your mind. You’re quick to bite into the fruit prepared to devour it whole before you're interrupted by a gruff voice calling out to you. 

“I’m not so sure you’ll be a gatherer if the fruit doesn’t make it back to camp with the way you're going at it.” You weren’t usually caught off guard so easily but you can’t control the slight blush that heats your azure skin. 

Jake stands at the base of the tree, a lazy smile gleaming up at you as you take in his form, muscled arms gripping his hips as he cocks his hip to the side.

“Can I give you a hand with making it one less Yovo?” His lids are almost closed as he looks up at you due to the sunlight from behind you blinding him. You’re almost ethereal as the warm light draws his eye to your strong figure, the muscles and tendons visible on account of years of fighting. 

You lazily toss the spherical fruit the large distance between the two of you, and as Jake’s acute canines tear into the skin, juices roll down his chin and pool in the crevices of his chin. You can’t help but feel embarrassed by how captivated you are by the simple action of eating, how have you been so easily distracted since your return to the clan? You had prided yourself as a seasoned warrior that was levelheaded in even the most confrontational situations and yet you found yourself constantly on your toes when observing the Olo’eyktan. Despite his blunt nature he still radiated charm and was considerate of others, somehow the violence of war against the humans hadn’t deteriorated his boyish personality. 

The smirk on his face turns into a knowing grin and you had decided then and there that he was quite annoying, with all the smirking and prolonged eye contact he sent your way. It’s like he knew your inner turmoil about the lack of restraint you had found yourself recently dealing with, that you were struggling with finding your place among the clan when your allegiances were still with Tayrangi. 

You drop to the grass in a crouch, despite the large distance between the branch and the ground your landing is almost silent. You wade through the long grass until you’re a foot away from him.

“How much do you remember from before you joined Tayrangi?” The question throws you off guard, you can’t remember the last time you had actually delved into your time in the Omatikaya clan.

Besides you barely knew Jake, was it worth it reopening the wound in front of the man? You figured you didn’t have many other people to confide in let alone be your friend, save for Neytriri who you hadn’t spoken to much since your arrival but was probably the closest thing you could call a friend since you had grown up together.

You sigh quietly to yourself before gaining the courage to speak. “Well I was Omatikayan until about 8 years old, the sky people had been on Pandora for around 23 years, the humans were growing more bold, crossing into our territory and definitely were not peaceful. I was expected to join Tayrangi, to train like a true warrior in preparation for the inevitable fight. My childhood is hazy before my training with Ikeyni.”

“Why is that? I thought the Na’vi pride themselves on being pacifists?” His confusion is almost endearing as his head cocks to the side, there's a childish curiosity in his golden eyes.

“Maybe so but before the humans arrived, we never had a reason to fight as we are generally peaceful. But since the humans had started colonising we trained more for combat rather than for skill.”

“I didn’t know that, I learn more about the people and grow a new respect for them with every custom and tradition I learn.” He’s reverent as he says it.

He breaks from his thoughts and snaps his head back to you. “Wait, so you were quite young when you lived here? That's perfect because I am still relatively new to Omatikaya and am always exploring to find new places near camp.”

You're confused about what he is saying before he snatches the satchel out of your hands and dashes toward the camp, which was quickly turning into more of a village as they built hammocks into the canopies of the trees.

Your protests fall on deaf ears as he focuses on leaving the satchel with one of the other gathers that had returned early, and excuses you from your duties on the basis of it being ‘Olo’eyktan business’.

Your eyes are almost wide, anxious because of his use of status to get you out of your daily duties, this would not go over well as you are new to the clan but also looked down upon due to your actions during the war, “You know you can’t just do that? It’s not fair to the others if I’m not pulling my weight and they have to pick up after me.”

He whips around and that stupid cocky smirk is stretched across his face once again, “Weren’t you just about to finish? You have the rest of the day free before you have to prepare dinner.” 

His attempt at reasoning doesn’t quell your anxieties. “Well yeah, but I’m still new at this, I should be available for any extra work.” 

His shoulders slump and arches his back walking with bent knees as he tries to showcase his displeasure of voicing your worries.

“Oh my god, just c’mon, I’ll take you to my favourite spot I found in the first week I was here.” He’s almost whining and quickie grabs your forearm to drag you outside the camp where the Ikran colony have swaddled around a large rocky alcove they have taken a liking to.

You try to settle yourself because you can’t help but focus on the feeling of his rough calloused hand tightly gripping your arm, it’s almost the size of your entire forearm.  

“You have an Ikran right?”

You walk past him to pet and scratch under Ta’ra’s chin. “This is Ta’ra, we bonded when I joined Tayrangi, as everyone there is bonded with an Ikran we work together for fishing in the depths of the ocean and dive off the backs of them.”

He comes up next to you and asks if he can pat her as well, you take a moment before reluctantly agreeing but warn him to give her space if she shakes him off.

HIs large hands run along her neck feeling every bump and grove on her skin, his eyes flicker back to you next to him as you both admire Ta’ra’s beautiful colours.

“That must take a lot of skill, I can barely balance on Bob when it’s windy let alone near crashing waves and other animals.”

You can’t help the furrow of your brows as you pause before your question. “Who is Bob?” The name is foreign on your tongue as there is no word similar to it in Na’vi.

He nods his head over to the dark blue and teal Ikran that slowly stomps closer to Jake.

“O-oh, Bob?” You can’t contain your judgement as you speak.

“Yeah I’m not too great at the naming thing.” He has a bashful smile that he tries to hide as he walks closer to the beast.

You yip loudly a sign for Ta’ra to dive off the ledge, her mighty wings unfold and glide in the wind which whips your hair wildly. A call echoes from behind you and you're startled by Jake’s Ikran swooping closer and closer to you which makes you dodge him as he flies into your path. He lets out a loud chuckle and banks quickly to the left, as you follow in suit.

The flight itself is reassurance that you have someone you can depend on, Ta’ra and you had been bonded since you were both young and had been inseparable since. Not merely an Ikran and not a pet but your companion which resembled closer to sisterhood.

You both feel comforted through Tsaheylu, finally getting time to yourselves to bond with each other without the pressures of training or war. Jake and Bob are further ahead of the two of you, gliding through the flocks of smaller winged animals that duck out of the way of them.

Jake’s back muscles ripple as he changes grips on the reins and repositions himself on his haunches. Your attention falls on his large feet on the handles, an extra appendage grips the bar and it reminds you that he was once a skyperson. You have a newfound respect for the man, he worked to become one of the people and became the legendary Toruk Makto. You wish you could have seen him ride Toruk because the clumsy and boyish Jake that you see in front of you was the opposite of the stories. He did not fit the role of the Toruk Makto who you heard legendary stories of, mutterings passed around campfires and told to children during bedtime stories.

Your thoughts are pushed to the back of your mind when you arrive at a cliff overlooking a valley where various animals wade through the tall grass and a pond gurgles nearby. You land near the edge of the cliff, removing your braid from the animal as you stalk to the edge in a daze. The view is picturesque, you would have never guessed something so beautiful would have survived anywhere near the humans touch at Hell’s Gate.

Behind you Ta’ra and Bob pounce on each other, play wrestling along the rocks as Jake watches you from a few paces behind. When you turn around to face the taller man he’s taken aback from the soft look in your eyes, one he had yet to see. He reaches out with an upturned palm and his lips part as if he was going to say something, he stops himself before he can voice his thoughts.

He brushes past you to sit on the edge of the cliff, his strong legs dangle over the side, the distance from the ground is highlighted from his view. You’re hesitant to join him as there is very little room along the edge, the brush and bushes overgrown making only a small spot available. Nevertheless you settle against his side and stare out at the view. 

“Places like this don’t exist on earth, it feels like a dream seeing it right in front of me.” He offers up after a beat of silence.

“What is it like, on earth I mean?” You still stare forward, watching the water ebb and flow in the pond.

“Lonely. It’s dull, a dying planet with no green and most of the animals are gone.” He mourns for his home planet, despite nothing being there for him anymore he still feels tied to the place where Tommy and his parents had been present in his life.

A hum escapes your throat and you voice your thoughts, “No wonder you wanted to come to Pandora.”

He’s quick to interject, “I didn’t plan on it, my brother the scientist died before he was supposed to come here, so I took his place in the science program and was shipped over here, was in way over my head.” He has a faraway look in his eyes by the end of his sentence, lamenting the loss of his brother and his struggle at the beginning of the Avatar program.

“And somehow became Toruk Makto.” You supply. He parrots it back to you with a chortle.

You can’t contain your curiosity when you question him. “What was it like- riding a Toruk?” 

“Freeing,” he sighs a soft smile on his lips. “Knowing you’re the biggest in the sky, nothing can touch you. I felt like I finally had a purpose among the people.”

As the eclipse nears, the two of you decide to head home, surprised by how quickly the day had slipped away. Hours of talking about your lives and exploring the terrain.

You hadn’t seen Jake since you both returned to camp, you joined the gatherers to help prepare the clans meal. Women chattered and laughed around you as they shared stories of the day and their families. The laughter rang hollow in your ears as you felt your isolation from the others. When you finally push your anxieties down and meet the eyes of the people around you you’re met with either cold stares of inquiring looks, the alienation you've felt since returning to camp prominent.

When dinner is served and the children are served you finally get your meal that you had a hand in preparing, you squat near the outside of the circle not in the mood to have prying eyes on you. You keep your eyes on your meal, your haunches acting as a barrier to the world around you as you dip further into the space between your legs. 

More people gather around the circle, filtering closer to you. You shuffle over as a little girl occupies the spot next to you, digging into her food. You watch out of your peripherals as she glances over at you and does a double take, she’s quick to tap you on your arm to get your attention. 

“You are the warrior, yes?” Her eyes reflect her innocence, she’s one of the few people who didn’t look at you in disgust or disappointment, perhaps she didn’t know what you had done. You’re hesitant but eventually nod. 

“They told us stories growing up, about the mighty warrior sent to save the clans.” Save the clans. A pang throbs through you. 

“Luaya! Come now.” A gruff demanding voice barks in front of you, the large man storms over, yanking the girl up by her upper arm. 

“What did I tell you?” He questions the girl, sending a scathing glare towards you before hauling the child away. You resigned yourself to spending the rest of your days as an outsider to the people.

[pass1onepr1ncess]

Read Purple Haze Feedback and here are some of my thoughts! Firstly, I know it says on our profile and in the pinned post but not everyone who sees this is gonna be a follower so I'm gonna preface this with saying that I am an introject of Trish Una so if I say something confusing just keep that in mind, It's nice to be able to indirectly get to know Fugo more. I hardly knew any of the guys in source; even with all that happened, none of them ever really talked to me. I was "The Mission" and Bruno had explicitly told everyone- me included- that they should 'get attached' to me and that the same was true for me about any of them. And then when things changed in Venice and I did talk a bit more with them then, Fugo wasn't there. It's interesting to get his side of the story and be able to know him ever so slightly better, even if I'm not in source anymore to connect with him directly.

I formed very early on in our first watchthrough of Part 5, so my personality wasn't completely formed on Trish Una the character. As I go through and consume content with me in it, it's been wild to see how much fits despite us not knowing things about me. I've been able to say for the most part that I'm fairly similar with my... I guess you could say my blueprint? The character our brain formed me off of. In any case, it's been a pleasant surprise. But when I think about how a version of me became a singer and became famous, I feel a bit... disconnected. That's not something I'd ever want, I think. Which isn't to say that the book is wrong, of course. I may be a fictive, but that doesn't mean I have the end-all say-so on cannon. Or in this case, I suppose, semi-cannon. I'm merely commenting on how I feel about it, not on the book itself.

Anyway, that's all I've got. I highly recommend reading Purple Haze Feedback, it's a really good book! I might try to draw something for it later, but in the meantime it is currently 3AM exactly and I wish to sleep. Goodnight!

XOXO - Trish

[4giorno]

even tho kiraboss is rlly random, i do like it in the one specific scenario where diavolo and kira meet when one of diavolos death loops takes place in kiras after life. the hells of two terrible people collide

[suffering-frombrain-rot]

JJBA Fugo vent post!

⚠️WARNING ⚠️ Golden wind and Purple Haze Feedback spoilers ahead, read at your own risk~

So Fugo is kind of a heavily debated topic as some people think of him as a traitor, some don't, some laugh about how he only has one stand fight, and the like.

Honestly, I don't blame Fugo for leaving at all, it was honestly the smartest and in character decision for him to make and Bruno told the gang to not follow him unless they wanted to, he didn't even expect anyone to come with him, he probably would have preferred them not to come with him at all.

With that out of the way, I want to just rant a little about this boy and his personality, character, backstory, etc...

Growing up, Fugo was a gifted kid and had anger issues that he carried throughout the rest of his life, although that's not his whole character.

Many fans depict Fugo as the angry diseased cheese man and that's all he's boiled down to, and that's not Fugo at all.

For the most part, he hates all of the anger in him, that's why he hates his stand so much, as described in PHF, he doesn't see Purple Haze as a blessing, rather a curse, it's a constant reminder to him of his anger and rage.

It's not till the end of PHF that he finally comes to terms with the stand and makes it stronger by coexisting with it.

Other than that, Fugo genuinely kind and often soft spoken when he's not triggered by something.

First off, he didn't want to join Bruno in the Mafia because he was afraid of hurting him. He then went on to taking Narancia in after seeing him homeless in the streets. How I see this is Fugo saw a small, helpless kid, sick and alone and it was a reflection of how Fugo probably saw himself in the future if if wasn't for Bruno. He just had to help him, it was his instinct.

Even in PHF, he becomes enraged by one of the waiters insulting Narancia and his circumstance, and he couldn't explain why he felt that way.

Even later, he volunteered to help tutor Narancia because he wanted to help someone in need, and (in my opinion) knew Narancia never had a chance at a normal life and that was the least he could do.

And yeah he hurts Narancia when he messes up but he ultimately always apologizes because that heated anger isn't him and he'd never want to hurt the people he cares about.

Even before Narancia is sent on that shopping trip, he gets upset that he wasn't taking his instruction seriously, but that's just because he csres too much. We even see that when he mentions that Narancia is talking too long to get back, he was concerned, and of course their safety was at risk but he does care.

And all of the time that he's cool, in the English dub especially, his voice is very soft and smooth, it's like he's either trying to keep himself calm, or he's just always been that way. His voice never seems to raise unless he's yelling but it seems to stay... monotone? I guess?

And he doesn't get angry just because, he's clearly neurodivergent, obviously he got into college at thirteen and was always gifted, but his anger always has a trigger that he can't control and that's what his stand represents.

This is also why he only has one stand fight, he never wants to use Purple Haze unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, like how Abbachio mentions. It's probably because he feels ashamed that he can end lives so easily and it's not something he ever intended on being able to do. So his place in the Mafia is mostly driving people around or taking care of higher level offenders that Bruno sees that only HE can take care of.

Jumping topics, because this is gonna be hella chaotic as I'm just writing what comes to mind...

I love PHF because it is a complex story, fleshing out Fugo's character and tying up all the loose ends of GW, I never felt content with the ending of part 5 because I felt it lacked something that could have been put into maybe two ish more episodes??

Anyways, in PHF,

It's insane to imagine what Fugo has to go through, coping with losing the only friends and family he had, besides Mista, and being taken out of his "retirement" of the Mafia six months, just to be sent on a heavy mission by the new kid that he only knew for at least a week.

Although I love the moment in Part 5 when Giorno makes a vaccine for Purple Haze, it really helped get Fugo to trust Giorno and builded both of their characters, that's not enough to make up for the fact that Giorno was technically the catalyst that caused Buccigang to fall.

And he was just t h r o w n into a mission that he didn't ask for.

The whole thing was just a beautiful way to fill out Fugo's character and give a better light on parts of him that were understood.

We get to see the inner workings of his mind and helps readers understand Fugo and his past.

This is all I have for now because I'm losing my train of thought but there will probably be a part 2

[mxs-space]

Do not worry, PHF is not canon! Common misconception because Araki made art for it, but it’s a sort of… officialised fanfiction? Semi-canon at best. PHF is a really nice addendum for people that wish to see more of Fugo, and if you want to use it as added material go for it! But if you want to keep things as close to canon as possible, it might not be a good thing to use this as a base (remember that if we don’t see Fugo anymore in canon it’s because he was supposed to be a traitor working for the boss, but Araki cut that out cuz it would have destroyed Buccellati, and make the story too dark)

TL;DR: You don’t need to read Purple Haze Feedback to write something close to canon, as it is not canon.

Anyway, I hope I didn’t seem too rude (not my intention) have fun and good luck with your writing!

Everytime I try to write something canon-compliant about VA I get smacked in the face by the fact that I still haven't read PHF (I asked my sister to get it for me for Christmas but still), so, for now, I'll stick to asking y'all:

How did Mista take the VA events?

How would you describe his relationship with Fugo after all that happened?

Does it mention something about Bruno's home?

Thank you in advance to anyone that wants to answer <3

[slythergirlimagines]

I Suppose That Would Be Alright- Draco x Reader

Request: Hello!! May I request prompt 4 with Draco Malfoy where the reader saw Draco cheating on her and they broke up? & He tries everything he could to get her back but she doesn’t give in easily. This could be a little angsty. xD

Summary: Reader catches Draco cheating and breaks up with him. He desperately wants her back. Angsty with a little fluff at the end! (gif not mine!) masterlist 

Words:   3,681                      Requested: Yes

******PLEASE GO TO THIS POST AFTER YOU READ THIS STORY, I REALLY WANT YOUR FEEDBACK ON A CONCEPT I HAVE*********

For reference, L/n refers to “your last name”

          I Suppose That Would Be Alright

 Draco meant everything to you. You had been dating for almost two years now, and you were happier than you had ever been.

 There was a different side to Draco that you got to see. To the world he may be tough and snarky, but to you he was sweet and caring. He was also overly indulgent, and you knew he would do literally anything for you. He always told you how much you meant to him, and you had always believed him. Until this very second.

  Draco stands in front of you in the corridor, being snogged within an inch of his life by Pansy Parkinson. You stand there, frozen in shock as time grinds to a halt. The other students in the hallway dart their eyes between you and Draco, and start whispering. You whirl around as quickly as you can, unable to take anymore of their pitying looks or Draco’s snogging session.

    As you run, you hear Draco calling your name, but continue to push through the throng of students. You tell yourself that you just have to get away. As you run, memories swirl through your mind.

       The words swim in front of your eyes, blurring into nonsense. How were you ever going to succeed in potions, when absolutely nothing made sense? Tears gather on your lashes, further obscuring what little you could make out. With a sigh, you let your head slam onto the heavy potions book.

   “L/N? What are you on about?” A snide voice rings out in the quiet of the library.

   You whip your head up, and blink back the moisture in your eyes. In front of you stands a scowling Draco Malfoy. His silver eyes penetrate yours, and it makes you uncomfortable. You know what he’s like, and he so obviously is going to use this against you somehow.  

   “Shove off Malfoy.” You mutter angrily, swiping at your eyes with vigor.

   Draco eyes you for a second, then takes the seat opposite of you. He reaches out a pale hand and slides the book out from under you, turning it to examine its contents.

  “Potions, huh?” He says. He looks back at you, and some how his face is a little softer than before.

  “I’m pretty good at potions, if I do say so myself.” He brags. “I bet I could whip you into shape L/N.”

  “Why would you help me?” You question. His actions go against everything you’ve ever heard about him, and everything you’ve ever seen him do.

   Draco shrugs, and juts his pointy chin.

   “Beats having to help Crabbe and Goyle. At least you can read.” He says.

    You catch yourself laughing, and it surprises you. Draco Malfoy is funny?

   “Y/N.” You say, extending your hand across the table. Draco considers it for a moment, and then takes your hand in his cool one.

   “Draco.”

   The tears stream down your face, as the memories keep hitting you full force.

 “Y/n?” Draco asks, sprawled out in the grass. “Would you call us friends?”

    You look up from the book you’re reading and mark the page. You’ve been Draco’s friend for several years now, and you know his moods like the back of your hand. If you don’t give him your undivided attention he’ll pout for the next week.

   “I certainly hope so. I don’t spend this much time with just anyone you know.” You say gently.

   You always try to be gentle around Draco. He’s been horribly belittled and mistreated by his father, and though he will never willingly admit it, he craves the support he didn’t have growing up. You never want to treat him the way his father does.

   Draco sighs, and then locks his eyes on yours. He scoots his head into your lap, and then sets his gaze on the tepid lake. It’s a cozy afternoon, and the soft light makes Draco’s blonde hair look even lighter.

  “But friends can take each other to dances and things right?” He says. His voice is uncharacteristically timid, and it makes you smile. Draco is always softer around you than he is with others, but he is still usually cocky and confident. Now he is nervous, and it makes your stomach flutter.

   “What do you mean?” You ask, smirking. Of course you understand what he’s getting at, but you’ll take any opportunity to mess with him.

   He looks up at you then, grey eyes narrowing when he catches the expression on your face. Draco sits himself up and turns to face you. He’s much closer than you anticipated, and you feel a blush rising to your cheeks.

   “You’re messing with me.” He says, voice low.

   “Maybe.” You agree. You aren’t quite successful at keeping the breathiness out of your voice.

   “Go to the ball with me?” He asks. You pretend to think about it for a minute.

   “I suppose that would be alright.” You grin. “Poor Goyle, though. I think he already had his dress picked out.”

   Draco rolls his eyes, but smiles back at you anyways. You can’t keep the blush off of your face the rest of the day.

     The most important memory hits you last.

         “That was so much fun, Draco.” You say as he walks you through the abandoned corridors to your dormitory. If you listen closely enough, you can still hear the faint sounds of the music. The night has a dreamy haze to it, and you practically feel like you’re floating.

    “It was, wasn’t it? Doesn’t help that you had the greatest date.” He adds.

   You laugh, happy and carefree.

   “Y/n.” Draco says, catching your hand and stopping you.

   “Yes, Draco?” You ask, blinking at him. The moonlight filters in through the hallway, and Draco’s hair and eyes are gleaming. He’s never looked more beautiful to you.

   “I don’t want to be friends anymore.” He says.

   Your face falls as you take in his words, and then he’s kissing you in the moonlight.

   “I love you.” He says when he pulls away. It’s all too easy for you to stand on your tip toes, and press another hungry kiss to his mouth.

   “I love you too.”

    How could he do this to you? You loved him, and until now you had never doubted that he’d loved you just as much. You had been so blind.

   Draco catches you before you can get away from him.

  “Y/n, wait!” He says, griping your elbow to pull you back to him.

  “Don’t touch me!” You shout, venom dripping from every word.

  “It’s not what you think!” He starts.

  “Not what I think? What I think is that you and Parkinson were just having a nice song. Don’t let me interrupt!” You snarl. You itch to whip out your wand and curse him.

  “Y/n...” he says, giving you the wounded puppy eyes. They usually work, but not this time.

  “I’m done!” You snap. “There are a lot of people in your life that let you toy with them, Draco. They let you move them around like chess pieces, but guess what? I’m not one of those people.”

  “I know you aren’t!” Draco defends.

  “I won’t let you treat me like one any longer. I loved you!” You say, tears streaming freely down your face. “I loved you for years and you were just using me.”

   “No I wasn’t! That’s not true.” Draco pleads. “Y/n, I’m telling you nothing happened!”

   “If that’s nothing then I’d hate to see your definition of something!” You wrench your arm out of his grasp and move away.

   “Y/n, please...”

   “I’m done, Draco. I’m done.” You say, and walk away. Even though you want to, you don’t turn around once. You know your worth, and you deserve more than to be treated like rubbish.

    The next few days are incredibly hard. The entire school learns about your breakup, and there’s a flood of sympathetic faces wherever you go. People whisper when you walk into a room, and grow quiet when you come near. It’s humiliating and annoying, and all you want is some damn privacy to mourn.

   It doesn’t help that Draco refuses to take the hint and leave you alone. He’s already tried to approach you a few times, and it’s getting harder and harder to avoid him.

   Today you all share a class, ironically potions, and you usually share a table. You know that it will be impossible to get any learning done with him next to you. Maybe you could find someone to switch with you. Draco was still astoundingly good at potions, and there had to be someone who would want to reap the benefits of being his partner.

   Finding that someone, however, was proving to be impossible. You weren’t really that close with anyone in your class, and after the second no, you were starting to get the feeling that everyone wanted to see the drama play out. You decide that if you had to sit next to Draco, then the best thing to do would be to get there last and leave first.

   You walk into potions with your head held high, seconds before class begins. Professor Snape narrows his dark eyes as you walk in, but doesn’t say anything to you about it. Draco is in his usual seat, sitting stiff as a board.

  He is paler than usual, you note as you take your seat. Dark purple rings his eyes, and betrays his lack of sleep. Your heart stutters being this close to him, but you are strong and you will ignore all of this.

   Snape begins his lecture, and you hang onto every word. You’ve never been so focused on a lecture in your life. You’re busy noting every word that Snape says, when a note pops up on your parchment.

  “I really need to talk to you.” It reads. It’s in Draco’s neat and proper handwriting, and you have the violent urge to destroy the loops with your quill.

  You lock your jaw, and then continue taking notes as if you’ve never seen Draco’s message.

  “Y/n, please. I’d just like to explain.” Another note says.

   Again you ignore it, and you can feel the tension in Draco increase as he scribbles another hasty note.

  “Y/n, please..” the words start.

   “Enough!” You snap at Draco, loud enough to draw the attention of the rest of the class.

   “L/n, I didn’t know that you were so educated about Acromantula Venom that you didn’t need my lecture.” Snape says in his slow drawl. “Please enlighten the rest of the class with your expansive knowledge.”

   “I-I’m sorry professor, it won’t happen again.” You say. Snape looks more sour than ever as he turns his attention back to the lecture.

   You feel the familiar pressure of tears behind your eyes. This time, they are angry tears. Draco couldn’t settle for humiliating you in front of everyone in the corridor, he had to also humiliate you in class too.

   The second Snape dismisses you, you are running from the class. You give Draco no time to catch up with you, as you hastily make your way back to your dormitory. Maybe you’ll just have to hide out here forever.

  Draco tries again during dinner. You knew you should have just had one of your housemates bring you a plate, but you hate feeling like a coward. You’re not going to starve to death because Draco couldn’t keep his tongue in his mouth. You refuse to let him have that much power over you.

   You’re in the middle of forced conversation with your housemates when Draco makes his way over and sits down. Instantly, you feel a multitude of prying eyes on you, and you again have the urge to run.

  “Y/n.” Draco says firmly. “I need to talk to you.”

  “Leave me alone, Malfoy.” You say coldly. Draco flinches at your use of his last name. You’ve never called him Malfoy, not since the day you became friends.

  “Y/n, nothing happened with Pansy. I love you!” He says as quietly as he can. It irks you that he’s being so quiet about it. If he really loved you, why was he acting like it was such a shameful secret.

  “Right.” You say. “I’ll believe that when I see it Draco.”

   You didn’t mean it as a challenge. Draco’s actions had already proven to you what he felt. However, his face brightens at your words and warmth blooms in your chest. You quickly stamp it out, and ignore the feelings. You’ll get over that soon enough.

  “I’ll prove it to you! I swear I will.” He says, and then he swings his legs over the bench and walks out of the Great Hall. You have the sinking feeling that disaster is looming.

   Draco’s first attempt to win you back involves flowers. Somehow, he manages to jinx a vase in your room to procure a new flower for you every morning. Of course, they are your favorite kind of flower, and the vase magically expands to include them all.

   The flowers anger you because they are a sweet gesture and an impressive bit of magic. Why couldn’t his attempts be weak and pathetic so you didn’t consider taking him back? Draco was too good at wooing and schmoozing. You have to remind yourself multiple times a day that you caught him kissing Pansy.

    To his credit, Draco leaves you alone for a while. He doesn’t try to contact you or force you to talk to him. That doesn’t mean you can’t feel his eyes on you all the time, and that potions isn’t the most intense class you have. But at least it’s something.

  You have five flowers when Draco makes another attempt. Your favorite candy from Honeydukes now appears underneath the flowers. You carefully unwrap the package, and put the delicacy in your mouth. It’s delicious, as always, but it makes you sad too. You miss Draco more than anything, but your trust has been broken. Some chocolate and flowers won’t fix that by themselves.

  You miss him, and you really should stop hiding from him and just talk. He was trying, and that’s at least enough reason to let him speak. You didn’t have to forgive him.

  You go down to the Great Hall with determination. You’re going to get this resolved today, regardless of the outcome.

   You walk into the hall, eyes searching for blonde hair and silver eyes. You find Draco at his normal table, and then your heart sinks. Next to him sits Pansy, who is staring at him with obvious heart eyes. Your anger reaches its boiling point as you stomp over.

  “Draco.” You say, tone stormy. “We need to talk.”

  Draco looks eager as he jumps from the table and follows you outside.

  “What are you doing?” You hiss. “You can’t send me flowers and candy every morning and then still be hanging around Pansy whenever I see you! It doesn’t work that way.”

   “Oh I’m sorry.” He says, voice haughty. He sounds like the Draco everyone else knows. “I’m just a little confused because I try everything to reach out to you, and you ignore me and all my effort and then get mad when someone else acts interested in me!”

   “I’m not allowed to be mad that you’re with the person you cheated on me with?!” You snap.

    Draco’s grey eyes narrow dangerously, and his body shakes with anger.

   “You never listen to what I say.” He snaps.

   “You know what? I was coming down here this morning to talk to you. I was hoping we could talk about everything, get it resolved, but I can see that I have my answer!” You cross your arms, and lock your jaw. You desperately try to stop your tears, but they spill over your lashes anyways. You collect yourself for a minute.

     “If you’re going to be with Pansy, Draco, just let me move on.” You say quietly, voice watery.

     Draco doesn’t say anything to you as you leave. As soon as you make it to your dorm, you smash the vase of flowers to pieces.

   Weeks go by, and you are more miserable then you have ever been. You spend all your free time in the library, avoiding crowds and Draco. You don’t want to see him any more than you can help. Every time you have to sit next to him in potions it hurts. You don’t even go to Quidditch matches anymore to avoid seeing him. If he’s with Pansy then you’d rather not know.

  One particularly rainy afternoon finds you in the library, potions book on your lap. You aren’t doing much studying, instead your eyes trace raindrops as they roll down the window. Your melancholy is broken by someone stomping up to you.

   “I’m not with Draco.” A nasally voice says. Pansy stands in front of you, one hand on her hip.

   “Ok.” Is all you say. You don’t want to so much as look at Pansy. All you see is Draco’s lips on hers when you do.

   “Ok, so stop moping and just make up!” She says annoyingly. Even this doesn’t spark your anger like it should. You just feel numb and empty.

  You don’t give her a response. Instead, you shift your potions book from your lap, and tuck your knees under your chin. Once settled, you turn your attention back to the rainy window, and ignore Pansy.

  “Fine.” She says, storming off. “Keep being miserable.”

    It’s only when she’s gone that you let yourself become a reflection of the window.

   Draco tries again for a final time when he catches you in the library. Today, you are actually trying to study. Ever since you and Draco broke up, you had lost not only a boyfriend but your potions tutor. Now you were desperately trying to teach yourself, and it just wasn’t working out.

  Draco finds you in much the same position that you were when you first became friends. You’re all but banging your head against the table when he speaks.

   “Y/n.” You look up and find he looks as miserable as you do.

   “Draco.” You say. Your heart still thunders when he’s near. You hate that he still has any effect on you.

   “Listen. Just let me say this once and I’ll never bother you again.” He says, his grey eyes imploring you to hear him out.

   You sit silently, waiting for him to proceed.

   “I never kissed Pansy. She kissed me. I admit, I let it go on for too long. I should’ve pushed her off the moment she touched me, but I was so shocked and I froze. Then when I finally realized I pushed her away and you were already leaving. I never had feelings for her, nor did I ever want to cheat on you. You’re the only one I want.” He says.

  “I know I hurt you, and that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I would never hurt you like that. I love you and it’s killing me to be apart from you like this, to think that you hate me. You’re the best part of my life, y/n, the only good part.” Draco takes a deep breath and continues.

  “After this, if you still don’t want to be with me, then I’ll back off. I just wanted you to know the truth. I love you, and it’s only ever been you for me, never anyone else.”

   You are in shock as he finishes his speech. Draco watches you process his confession with patience, and it takes you a few minutes to really understand what he’s saying.

  You feel stupid when tears well up in your eyes again. You’re so sick of crying and feeling pathetic.

   “It really didn’t mean anything?” You find yourself asking. “She kissed you?”

   “Yes!” He exclaims. “It was 100% one-sided on her part.”

    You sniff, thinking about it for a minute.

   “Ok.” You finally say. “I believe you.”

   Draco eases his tense posture and death grip on the chair he’s leaning on. He looks at you warily, trying to decipher where he stands with you now.

   You look down at the table and your useless potions book. How funny that your relationship would come full circle. You know how you feel about him, how you‘be always felt. Even when you were broken up you still loved him.

  “I’m sorry.” You say. “You tried to tell me and I didn’t listen.”

   “Its not your fault!” Draco assures you. “It was me, I was being a right git.”

    You shake your head, but for the first time in weeks you smile. When you look back up, Draco is smiling too.

   “So, could I have a second chance?” He pleads.

   You pretend to think about it for a minute.

   “I suppose that would be alright.” You grin. Draco gives you a glowing look and matches your grin.

    “On one condition.” You tell him, suddenly serious.

   “Anything.” He tells you with sincerity. He walks over to your side of the table, and crouches down in front of you.

   “I really need help with Potions.” Draco laughs and pulls you in for a bruising kiss.

   It’s needy and passionate, and you let your mouth express to him everything you can’t yet put into words.

  When he pulls away, Draco lets his forehead rest against yours. You relish this closeness with him in a way you never have before.

  “I suppose that would be alright.” He whispers with a smirk.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed:) I am currently working on part 2 of “Don’t Call Me Princess” and that will hopefully be up in the next few days! Please don’t hesitate to request something, I write for several fandoms. I’m lowkey desperate for someone to request something Marvel. 

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Eye of the Beholder

Warnings: non-consent (fingering, vaginal sex)

This is dark!Heimdall and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Heimdall has a secret.

Note: Well, another character I haven’t written before. Here ya go! I dunno what came over me but this is what happened.

Thank you. Love you guys!

Please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

Thor

Thor had caught him again. He wasn’t disappointed or irritated by any means, merely intrigued. He had rarely seen the Asgardian as anything but the stoic and diligent sentinel of the realm. Yet he could tell when the watchman was not at his duty. When it was not the bi-frost he watched but some other mystery. Thor only wondered what it was that so entranced the vigilant Asgardian.

The warden stood with his sword gripped between his hands, his head lowered as his eyes glowed. He was silent and still but for the subtle movement of his lips; as if he were speaking to someone. He was entirely enamoured by whatever vision swirled within.

“Heimdall,” The prince boomed and the horned-helmet slowly rose as the protector greeted him with his golden eyes. “Rapt at work, I see.”

“Unlike you,” Heimdall let forth the hint of a grin. Unshakeable as ever. “You see to use the bridge?”

“Not today,” Thor said. “Merely to visit a friend.”

“And your visits do grow frequent,” He countered. “I think your father might be wary of his realm going unwatched on account of his son’s whims.”

“You have ears. Strong ones, I’ve heard,” Thor strode along the window that overlooked the bi-frost. “Not even I could keep you from your duty.”

“Oh but you do challenge my competence.” Heimdall chuckled. “It is quiet this night. Asgard is but another star in the sky it seems.”

“Surely the brightest,” Thor stared down at the glowing bridge and hid his smirk from the other Asgardian.

Heimdall was ever clever and a skilled liar, only because he was known to be an honest man. For all his years alongside his brother, Thor could read a fib. Even one as subtle and inconsequential as that which floated unacknowledged between the immortals. Perhaps the watchman didn’t know he had been caught or perhaps he was content enough to let the prince wonder.

It didn’t matter for Thor would discover what distracted the watcher. What immaculate attraction had drawn his eye from his service after centuries of chaste devotion. The prince hadn’t an idea of how he would uncover the secret to light but he knew one who would. The very person who had honed him to the knack of dishonesty.

Loki had his bag of tricks and surely one of them could affect the unaffected sentinel.

⚔️

Loki

Loki twiddled his long fingers as Thor paced behind the curved chaise before the hearth. It wasn’t often the golden prince visited his brother within his own chambers. He had learned long ago that it was there he was most vulnerable to the trickster’s wiles. The younger prince grinned as he realised whatever had his brother so anxious also had him desperate. It must have been delicious indeed.

Loki draped one leg over the other as he reclined in the velvet chair. He wore a black robe over little more than his linen shorts. He had been readying for bed when the knock came. His brother was only fortunate he had been alone otherwise his raps would have gone unheard. Well, Thor did seem to be in his cups so he might have made himself known even then.

Metal clattered to the ground as Thor knocked one of the ornaments from the mantel and Loki sighed. It was easily repairable but if his brother opted to make a full tour of the chamber, he might be left with not but mangled silver and gold.

“Brother, do sit before you fall on your ass,” Loki slithered. “I should like to attend to whatever menial concern has brought you to my rooms so late. I was only about to retire.”

“Oh ho, but I think you might not be able to sleep once I’ve told you what---” Thor paused and let out a belch into his fist as he stumbled his way to the chaise. “Once you know what has brought me here.”

“And in such a state,” Loki taunted.

“Well, that had really nothing to do with it and more to do with the Asgardian ale I was forced to drink unto myself.” Thor laughed. “Heimdall, ever abstinent from pleasure, did move my hand to drain a whole cask.”

“I am certain you could not have put the cork back in and done so another day,” Loki huffed. “Truly brother, it is late and I have as little patience as I do interest in your indulgences.”

“My indulgences?” Thor wondered. “What about Heimdall’s?”

Loki perked up suddenly and straightened in his chair. “What do you mean by that, brother?”

“Well, I am not entirely certain what I mean but I know there is something that has caught his all-seeing eye,” Thor belched again and waved away the cloud. “Which is what brings me here.”

“You want me to trick Heimdall,” Loki blinked. “You are truly mad. He was likely off on some far planet watching the leaves blow.”

“Some mighty fine leaves they must have been,” Thor intoned. “I’ve found him twice as such. He does not look upon a blade of grass or the wing of a bird. Brother, that look is one reserved for a more rapturous beauty.”

Loki’s brows shot up and he tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair. He considered the thought of the great watcher’s desire. He could not imagine the valiant protector coveting anything more than what he had. And Thor was drunk. Still he was intrigued.

“And I suppose you want me to figure out what it is that has baited him so fervently?” Loki asked.

“Yes!” Thor clapped. “Yes. That’s exactly what you need to do.”

“Besides the obvious question of how I would do that,” Loki said, “Why would I?”

“Because, brother,” Thor smirked, “You are just as bored with this tedium as I am.”

⚔️

Loki had figured it out. It had taken some time but he had found a way to follow the watchman’s eyes. The only issue at hand was keeping him distracted long enough that he could do so. Surely Thor could help with that.

What Thor couldn’t do was wrap his head around what Loki was about to do. All the better as the dunce was of better use ignorant. 

Heimdall had a natural gift for seeing but Loki had discovered that upon his duties, his ability was amplified to make him truly all-seeing. The bi-frost was not merely the only path into Asgard, it was the only path into that Asgardian’s mind. 

There was a single strand upon the bridge among the hues of pinks, purples, blues, and blinding yellows that would betray him. A strand which would hold the secret he held so dear. Loki could draw a map from that strand and retrace every single thing Heimdall had ever seen. From that, he could surely uncover the watcher’s favoured fixation.

They only needed to make their little ruse believable. To draw the eye of Heimdall was hard enough, to keep it looking where you wanted was more so. And Loki was to trust in the daftest man he knew to pull it off.

⚔️

Loki was mostly sure this wasn’t going to work. Not if Thor kept thumping around so carelessly above. Not only was the trickster focusing on finding this elusive thread among millions, he was fighting to hold the illusion of himself that danced overhead with his brother.

The fight had drawn in the watcher quite easily as they had caught him by surprise. Loki suspected they had distracted him from the very secret they sought to oust. The only issue was that Thor was making this all too believable and Loki was close to being knocked away from the underside of the bi-frost. If that happened, he wasn’t fond of finding out where he would end up.

Finally, with his hand buried in the tendrils of light, Loki had grasped the single thread. That one, miniscule golden thread which varied only by the glimmer from the yellow ones. It burned his palm and he struggled not to scream. He clasped the metal ring around it and struggled to keep it on as the power surged into his arm. 

He tore it away as he hissed and his hand shook as he clutched the tiny ring. Relief washed over him even as his entire being buzzed from the deluge of energy. He might just fall into the void anyway. He was dizzy and his eyes wouldn’t stay still. 

Slowly he crawled up the underside of the bridge and pushed himself off. He barely caught himself at the bottom of the watchtower. Once he was clear of view, he sent up the signal and fell against a golden-leafed oak tree as he struggled to keep his illusion in place. He’d let Thor end it, hopefully before he passed out.

⚔️

Much to Loki’s shame, Thor had to as good as carry him back to his chamber. He shoved himself away from his brother as they entered and he stumbled over to the crystal orb that sat central before his hearth. He fumbled with the metal ring that vibrated inside his pocket and clinked it atop the glass. He fell back and caught himself on the chair. Slowly his strength began to return to him.

The crystal ball projected the energy of the ring across the chamber, a map of the universe all around them. Loki caught his breath and shakily stood as he shook off the haze. Thor’s forehead wrinkled as he looked around at the galaxies and the constellations. 

Loki dragged his finger along the crystal ball as the stars moved and different parts glowed brighter. He pinched his fingertips together along the glass and a particular spark came into focus. He pulled back and neared the speck. He squinted, then chuckled.

“Midgard,” He purred under his breath. “Curious,” He turned back to Thor and smirked. “It does amuse me how those beings seem to have such a hold upon our kind.”

“Midgard!” Thor lit up as bright as the stars.

“No,” Loki pointed a finger at him. “Not her. We’re there for Heimdall.” He neared the crystal again. “Let us just figure out exactly where he’s been spending so much time.”

⚔️

She was no extraordinary being. In fact, he found her quite plain. Loki shook his head as he watched her. Thor had stayed upon Asgard to further divert the watcher. As long as the prince was around, he wouldn’t think to look in on his little toy.

It was late and she seemed to be the only in her building who was still awake. The drone of music filled her small apartment as she bent over a low table. Her fingers were dark with the charcoal she used to sketch upon the paper. 

She was clueless. She didn’t hear a step or see a shadow. He stood right behind her as her charcoal dusted across the thick sheet. 

She sat up and yawned and grabbed the cloth beside the sketchbook. She wiped her fingertips and reached for her phone. She checked the time and swore to herself. She piled the charcoal into a small box and pushed aside the half-finished drawing. He was on her before she could stand.

She was easy enough to subdue. She didn’t put up much of a fight before his magic took effect. These mortals always were so weak. Perhaps that was part of it. As he wrapped her in a sheet and tossed her over his shoulder, he could imagine the thoughts that kept Heimdall enraptured. The fantasies that dirtied his pious mind. Oh, how naughty.

Loki stepped out into the glare of streetlights and looked up into the night sky. He smirked and snickered. Heimdall would be surprised at his call to enter the bi-frost, having not even noticed his departure. Oh, but he would be so much more surprised at the creature slung over Loki’s shoulder.

⚔️

Reader

You awoke to voices. An argument. You grumbled and gripped your spinning head as you laid across the hard stone. Your eyes shot open and you sat up with a whimper. You felt as if you would fall back down as your vision sparkled. 

Where the fuck were you?

You looked around the golden chamber and struggled to keep yourself up on your shaky arm. Three figures stood feet from you as they continued to argue. Your chest felt heavy as your nerves swelled there. You were about to panic, astounded that you were not already.

“What are you two doing?” The man in shining armour spat. “How did you even--”

“So you admit, you want her,” A slender man with dark-hair interjected. “So, what’s the issue?”

“You took her from her home.” The first hissed.

“Where you’ve been watching her,” The second countered and the third man, a towering blond nodded. “And we know you were not doing so for not.”

“Where my eyes see is of none of your concern, Loki,” The man snarled. 

“You would spurn our gift?” The man called Loki replied. The name and the face were strangely familiar. “You’ve earned it. You work so hard.”

“You should take her back before she wakes.” The first man insisted.

“Too late for that,” Loki slowly glanced over at you. “Besides, you are an Asgardian, you know our ways. We prize those who serve us often with flesh. Many warriors partake in the tradition.”

“You weren’t supposed to--” The first man took a breath and dared to peek over at you. “I was waiting…” He lowered his voice. “The two of you have spoiled it all.”

“We have done what you were too cowardly to do yourself,” Loki insisted. “So, here she is, she’s yours.” He shrugged. “To do with as you will. Though I can only imagine what plans you’ve been devising behind those eyes.”

The man in the gold armor gulped and looked at you again. His eyes were just as bright as his garb and you were startled by them. You drew your knees to your chest and hugged them.

“What’s going on?” You asked.

“Oh, sweet girl,” The slender man neared you and knelt before you. “You’ve been chosen by the gods to serve them personally. Specifically the one we call Heimdall.” He nodded over his shoulder. “The one with the horns but be assured, they do come off and he would have another which I think you’d much prefer.”

“Loki,” The blond growled as he came close and wrenched him up to his feet. “Do not frighten her… that is not your pleasure.”

Loki scoffed and wriggled free of the other’s grasp. “Of course,” He sneered. “Heimdall, she is all yours. Let that Asgardian blood flow freely…” He neared the armoured man again and flicked his mailed shoulder. “I’m sure you do tire of just watching.”

With a final grin in your direction, Loki followed the blond from the round chamber and left you alone with this man known as Heimdall. He sighed and watched them go. When he turned to you, his eyes glowed and he snapped them shut. He tilted his head as he turned his back to you and lifted the large helmet off. He set it down as he rolled his shoulders.

“They should not have brought you here,” He shook his head. “I am sorry that they did.”

His fingers tapped on the stone table beside the helmet. 

“Please, tell me what’s happening.” You begged. “I don’t understand.”

He took another deep breath, shaky and uneven. He pressed his hand flat to the table and growled.

“As the watcher of this land, I have abstained from my desires for thousands of years. It has not been easy but it is what I had to do.” He began and you trembled at the timbre of his deep voice. You pushed yourself up to your feet and crossed your arms protectively over your chest. “But I am of Asgardian blood and we have hunger in our veins. Restraint is not bred within us and it is hard to muster.” 

He turned slowly and unbuckled the sleeves of his armour. They fell slack and he slipped them off. He laid them down beside his helmet. He did the same to his breastplate and worked at shedding his armour one piece at a time. His golden eyes clung to you as you swayed nervously.

“”I admit, I have been watching you, and just that minor diversion was a betrayal of my duty. Yet, I could not stop. My eye always fell back to the little Midgardian in her little nest. All alone.” 

He set the last piece of mail aside and stood in a pale tunic, matching beeches, and a pair of leather boots. He seemed both hesitant and impatient to near you. He hesitated and paced across the chamber before you.

“If I kept you far away, I’d only watch. I wouldn’t… I couldn’t succumb to my instincts.” He continued. “But they… they conspired against me and now… now…” His fingers curled into fists and he stormed towards you. You retreated until you were against the wall. “Now… you’re here and I feel it rising in me.”

He opened a hand and it hovered over your shoulder as he trembled. You cowered against the stone as you tried to press yourself flat. As you tried to wake up from whatever terrible dream this was. You didn’t.

“I have protected you as I’ve watch you but there is one thing I cannot protect you from,” His hand settled on your shoulder and slipped down your arm. “...Me.”

He grabbed your elbow and spun you past him. He released you so that you collided with the stone table and it knocked the wind out of you. His breaths were like growls as he closed in. You turned to him and his hand stretched over your throat.

“I tried… I tried,” He ranted. “I truly did but… I promised Odin… I tried.”

His other hand grasped the strap of your tank top and snapped it easily. You tried to slap him away and his grip tightened around your neck. His body was trembling almost as much as yours.

“I won’t hurt you… if you don’t make me,” He warned.

Your eyes rounded and you stared up into his glowing eyes. There was something sinister within them that wasn’t there before. You dropped your hands and braced the edge of the table.

A shuddered “Please…” was all you could manage.

His tongue slid over his bottom lip as he tore your other strap. He pulled the top down to your waist and hummed as his gaze fell to your bare chest. You wanted to hide from him but you could barely move. The hand at your throat sapped all your resistance. Your skin buzzed as he cupped your tit.

He flicked a thumb over your nipple and then the other. He watched his hand as it explored your flesh and began to crawl lower. He crept over the crumpled tank top and his fingers pushed beneath the waistband of your shorts; the old faded pajamas were a poor shield against his ardour.

He tugged them past your hips and let them fall down your legs. A rush of fear flowed through you and you grabbed onto his thick arms. His hand squeezed your throat just a little.

“Stop,” You rasped. “Please, I… I…”

“I can’t.” He snarled.

He released you but only to grasp your hips and lift you in a single motion. He was so strong, you felt little more than a feather on the wind. He sat you on the table, his cold armour against your back. He pushed between your legs and bent to cover your mouth with his. His hand stretched across the back of your head as he held you to him.

You grunted and struggled against him. It only seemed to rile him as he shoved his other hand between your legs. His thighs kept your knees apart as he pressed on your clit until you squirmed. You slapped your hands down on the table and moaned.

His tongue pushed past your lips as he slid his fingers inside of you. You squeaked into his mouth and your legs tingled as he curled his fingers. You clawed the stone beneath you as he played with you. He pressed the heel of his hand to your bud and squeezed as he began a steady pace.

His other hand fell from the back of your head and you gasped as you drew away. His hand moved faster and faster. You shuddered as your core thrummed and ripples tingled along your spine. You panted wildly as you tried to resist the steep and undeniable rise. Your hips bucked as you came and your back hit the tall horns of his helmet as you quivered helplessly.

He withdrew his hand as you groaned and struggled not to fall back entirely. He quickly fought with the laces of his breeches and ripped them open. For a moment, the terror returned to you and you thought of escape. He pulled his cock from beneath the leggings and you gulped. He grabbed your hip as he stepped closer and stifled your fears.

He dragged his tip along your folds and you pushed on his chest. The ecstasy drained as he pressed against your entrance. This was a stranger, a man you didn’t know, a being you were certain was inhuman. You didn’t want him. You didn’t want this, did you?

He impaled you sharply as if he could sense your doubt. You cried out and scratched at the fabric across his broad chest. You gripped it tightly as your walls quaked around him. He was big and thick and the delight of his girth was laced with pain. Tears pricked your eyes and your legs hugged his hips without thought. You didn’t know if you wanted him to stop or keep on.

All restraint slaked away from him as he rocked into you. His hands snaked around to grope your ass. He pulled you closer to the edge as he pounded deeper and deeper. Beastly snarls whisked from his lips and he lifted you entirely. You draped your arms over his shoulders as he moved your body against his.

You couldn’t help the pressure as it mounted once more. Couldn’t help that this man was stealing this pleasure from you so easily. You blamed it all on this man. It couldn’t possibly be you. You couldn’t like it. You couldn’t.

You came again and he turned and leaned against the table. He lifted your knees up to rest beside him and rocked your hips against his. He sank into you over and over until you were wrapped around him. Your heavy breaths nestled in the crook of your neck as you weakly clung to him.

He slammed you down harder than before and let out a strangled grunt. He slowed and rode out his climax until you were completely still. You were breathless and weak against him, your body covered in sweat. He wrapped his arms around you as your limbs fell and held you against him.

“I…” He breathed over the crown of your head. “I tried.”

[standarrow]

abbacchio essay under the cut because he’s so important to me (god this is so long im sorry i have adhd i hope this is readable<3)

tl;dr being on how i think he healed and handled up until part 5 :”) + thoughts on his relationship to the team

tw!!! for all of the usual things that pertain to his backstory including: [death, alcohol abuse, police, ptsd/depression, etc]

i may be projecting<3 its fine

to start:

im not a fan of the way a lot of people handle handle abbas trauma and illness. the "entering a relationship fixes your problems<3" shit. or the romanticization of depression...i see both a lot, along with utilizing his substance issues as like a catalyst. i dont have to say why that shit isnt ok or healthy.

getting into it (because i want it to be this deep):

there is ... a lot of guilt that he shoulders around the death of his partner. someone he was friends with (and relied on him as a literal partner) died because He fucked up. that person wanted to protect him and died selflessly while he'd broken his own morals and he feels like it should have been him to pay for it. 

but he wasnt. and now he suddenly has two mistakes and blood on his hands. getting fired doesnt even Begin to fix that, so he withdraws because he cant trust himself, cant trust the institution he was already disillusioned from, and imo hes angry that he didnt get punished worse for his own crimes (but cops always get off easy)

bruno finds him in the worst place of his life and gives him a chance to put schedule in his life, to protect even if its not in the way he originally thought he would. he still doesnt trust himself, i do not think he takes to working with a partner easily (what if he fucks up again. he'll get bruno/narancia/fugo killed.) and i think that reflects in why moody blues isnt meant for combat. combat = danger. 

obligatory moody blues being an allegory for his trauma and ptsd surrounding the death of his partner.. constantly haunted by his own mistake and reliving that moment. heavily referencing his wish to redo, to know every detail of that prick he let bribe him that killed his partner, to have Control. because abbacchio isnt really about The Moment -- he's making sure the Moment doesnt have a chance to come to fruition. its nipping it in the bud before the weed can kill. he wants to make sure he can figure out whats going on First and protect. to figure out past events and prevent future danger.

starting to heal:

i’ve done a timeline previously: he graduates high school in 1998, six months for the police academy, 6 months before hes out again.. joins passione in december (rainy season) of 1999, and by december of 2000 (~4 months before part 5) hes like.... well. doing better in terms of his alcoholism. we see abbacchio by part 5 occasionally and seemingly comfortably enjoying a glass or two, which speaks that after some time working hes sort gained some..... confidence in his ability to keep his intake low. 

working for bruno means he cant drink as often or binge as much, hes needed and that structure keeps him in check, its not easy and yes he slips but its about and overall upwards climb because any progress is good progress... he builds a rapport with the team, comes to appreciate brunos role in giving him a chance and some peace of mind, sees himself in fugo, treats narancia like a little brother. relationships with others cant Fix your problems but friendship and structure can help, they can be there when you need it.

hes starting to trust himself more. and his relationship to fugo and nara were as crucial as his one with bruno is.

in purple haze feedback we see that he's been teamed up with fugo, and he knows fugos stand ability very well (see mirror man fight)... they Get each other and abbacchio sees a lot of his anger and distrust at himself in fugo, and easily calms fugo down when he gets upset (see mirror man episode in the car) 

fugo helped him trust himself and others more .. that other people arent Fragile and arent going to die on him every time they get into danger and its not His fault. he relies on fugo and vice versa. the kid is powerful but also a smart tactician and extremely capable. they Get each other and it helps abbacchio trust himself in combat situations and helps calm his paranoia about getting someone killed while working ... and nara is just sunshine. hes an annoying little brother but it helps him retain normalcy. some sense of like. not everything is doom and gloom

his depression and general self? depreciation perhaps doesnt leave him because those kinds of thoughts mould your brain a certain way.. they dont just go away without some work. but perhaps time with bruno helps him start to realise his worth, the way the team appreciates him and his ability. his self consciousness can start to fall away a little bit. i think by the time december of 2000 (a year after his recruitment by my timeline) hes like... a lot more comfortable with the schedule of his life, it helps him get out of bed, gives his brain a structure to latch onto. the responsibility of overseeing the younger ones and helping bruno gives him the sort of hope for this original goal of wanting to protect

@ bruno (in a more romantic sense perhaps + why i think he distrusts giorno so much)

his relationship to bruno isnt fucking “godlike savior<3″ because thats.... needless to say Very unhealthy. 

their relationship doesnt reach a point by where i think Either would even want to enter a relationship until about a year in (~4 months before part 5 begins)... theres a certain uncertainty i think bruno has with wanting to help abbacchio, he respects and cares about the other man and canonically sees him as his senior.. and i think theres a certain wall there that bruno isnt sure he wants to try to knock down, meanwhile abbacchio isnt sure when he built those walls but theyre safe (and what happens if you try to reach out?)

i think they sort of fall into it and its not... planned. its a little impulsive but it feels natural and they help each other because bruno is this comfort to abba, is the reason he has this structure and has made this progress himself and hes not....crediting it all to bruno obviously but bruno did play a Large Role. and bruno is all about little white lies, appearances. Yes hes fine. Dont worry, he has things under control. 

and i think to an extent abbacchio knows of brunos softer spots (as does fugo, bc of the reason he and fugo team up as described in phf is to protect him) but abba doesnt realise to the extent that bruno is .... hiding his real fears. brunos a lot about compartmentalization (hi zippers) and being let into brunos internal... thoughts beyond the occasional worries he mightve shared is a big step for them. bruno buries a lot of his internal problems and worries. he has to. hes got to keep moving, keep working; people rely on him... but abbacchio is the person he doesnt feel like he needs to protect because theyre equals and maybe he can let someone in to shoulder his worries and vice versa. theyre partners.

which is why i think abbacchio initially distrusts giorno so much... its not tht he doesnt trust bruno, but bruno doesnt Tell him about this. he realizes he might not know all brunos fears (specifically @ his distate and hate towards the mafia i made the point about in the bruno isnt evil post where its like.. he Couldntve shared that information, otherwise he would endanger abbacchio)

and it scares him. it freaks him the fuck out because he doesnt understand who this kid is or why bruno trusts him so much but he trusts bruno so he goes with it, even if he doesnt Understand.

anyways thts my TEDtalk ty i love you for reading this if you got here<3

[cherryasagiri]

Giving Back to the Kids  (Giorno x Reader)

I really liked writing this one! It made me happy to see everyone just being jolly and...alive lol *que in the hurt feelings*

SPOILERS for those who are anime-only or haven’t finished part 5 of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. Don’t read any further from here, okay have you stopped? You better because shit is about to get sad. Alright, we good? Okay. So, this is gonna transpire after the events of the main storyline and (my personal all-time favorite) Purple Haze Feedback/Shameless Purple Haze (whatever you prefer), but this time, everyone is alive and well and Gio is still the boss of Passione. I really can’t write a story without the dead boys and Fugo in there because I will cry in the middle of writing it and will be depressed for a while so this is happy times okay!! ;-;

Word count: 928

It had been six months since Giorno and his friends had killed Diavolo and acquired Passione. For those six months, Giorno had been gradually but successfully cleaning the streets of drugs from the children. In the process of him doing so, he encountered you along the way. After observing you performing all you can for the children who lived in your neighborhood, Giorno was smitten with your sense of justice and care.

Around Christmas time, Giorno decided to throw a huge holiday party for mainly the children in the area; he grew up there and wanted to give back to the community. He wanted to make sure to show love to those less fortunate than he is. He wanted to provide the children a Christmas they never had until now. You and Gio spent much time preparing the party with the help of [Pol] and Bruno. It was a fun time for you. The first reason was that you got to spend more time with your boyfriend, and second, you were doing something for the kids you've always enjoyed doing.

It was the day of the party; the children looked around in awe seeing all the intense lights and the gigantic Christmas tree. There were wrapped presents all around, and it grabbed a massive amount of the kids' attention. However, what absolutely did it for them was the food. An exceeding number of different treats were around them they haven't seen before; it was definitely a breathtaking sight to see. Giorno was hosting this entire party for the children and the parents to unwind and take a breather with raising their children; it was also their night.

You accompanied Giorno for the night, greeting the adults playing with the children along with Bruno and the rest of the team. You also helped with serving food to the kids as well. As much fun as you were having, it also was so much work to do, and it was kind of stressing you out a bit. When you were given a chance, you slipped out of the party for a bit and sat down outside on the backyard step to give yourself a chance to breathe and absorb the fresh air. It felt like you've been out there forever, but you didn't mind that. Giorno noticed you had managed to slip out of there since he couldn't find you and already knew where you would remain during a time like this.

Giorno saw you sitting down and decided to keep you company.

"Did you really think I wasn't going to be able to find you?" he asked, his voice low but filled with concern. You looked at him with many surprises, assuming he would be too busy to even notice you were gone.

"Sorry, I just had to get out for a bit; it was a little overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I love the children, but I haven't had to deal with so many at one time," you laughed and looked down at your feet, feeling bad for abandoning the children like that.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be by yourself sometimes. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters, you know," he smiled, his sunflower blond hair flowing through the wind, his lengthy braid flying over his shoulder. It was an adorable sight to see on your end, his emerald eyes shining brighter in the moon's shimmer.

You could see from your peripheral something moving at a sluggish pace. "H-hey… Gio, I think something is moving over there," the male in front of you didn't even bat an eyelash. He looked at you then let out a gentle sigh, Gold Experience Requiem hovering over you now with a bouquet of lilies in front of you.

"I thought I was being careful, but I guess your wandering eye can't be beaten." he chuckled, your hands now filled with the delicate smelling flowers. A smile splattered across your face; you lean over and kiss him on his cheeks.

"Thank you, Gio and Gold Experience; these are really pretty," you responded.

Giorno's face heated up just for a moment, turning to the side so he wouldn't meet your gaze. You didn't notice at first, but he was able to snake his arm around your waist and jerk you closer to him. At first glance, it seemed like Giorno was just mumbling nonsense to himself until you started picking up what he was saying.

"....do… like… thing… but she… how should... ugh…"

All of that didn't make sense to you, but you tried figuring it out anyway. Frustrated with himself, Giorno merely shifted his head back around; the blush that lightly dusted his face before is now more crimson than ever. He didn't give you a chance to question the situation because he had his lips pressed against yours. It was a sweet and tender kiss- his lips practically swallowing yours. Once he pulled away, his blush was gone as he felt more confident now.

"I want you to be proud of me… as I am of you. You are someone I look to for happiness and warmth, like what I saw in you six months ago with those kids. I love you; I am glad to share this and every moment with you. When the time comes, will you say yes to me?" you looked at him, confused by his question. It took you some time to understand, your eyes lighting up and your smile charming.

"It will be a yes now and a yes forever, Gio."

[pannyacottafugo]

i really don’t like that bonus chapter of purple haze feedback and i feel like ranting about it. there are some interesting things that got brought up but overall i feel like it was a really strange thing to add on to a book which was already really good, but the addition of that chapter ruins some of the characters and it really annoys me. i prefer not to consider it as canon to phf. apologies for my incoherency i don’t write very well and have a hard time collecting my thoughts lmao. also this is hella long sorry

i’ll do it in a list format i guess idk

- mista was surprisingly probably the most realistic out of the three characters ? however i still very much don’t like his characterisation in both phf and the bonus chapter. he seems so much more resentful and angry than he did in canon. i understand to some extent at least, because his friends have just died and it makes sense for him to resent giorno for this. however jumping straight to wanting to murder him despite knowing that bucciarati wanted this and they knew the risk they were taking seems extremely harsh even for someone who’s this mad. however, i at least understand his motives and do believe he would hold some level of anger towards giorno that he needs to overcome and forgive him, the same as fugo.

- giornos characterisation is shit. im sorry but it’s so bad, and it ruins his character in phf and imo is a large part of the reason many people believe fugio to be manipulative. giorno in the final chapter of phf is empathetic and understanding towards fugo, and have a clear motive of wanting to help him move on. in the bonus chapter, he jumps from being righteous with a goal, to a manipulative asshole who seems like he’s been waiting for the moment to get into power. this then ruins his previous character, because it makes him seem shady, as if he was hiding this goal all along. i think giorno was aspiring for some level of power, which is something taken from dio, but at the end of the day his goals were good and he wasn’t there to use people to his advantage. stuff he does out of character that really bothered me was telling mista if he killed him he would be the fourth person (straight up using his tetraphobia against him), being extremely unempathetic and lacking any compassion to mista who just lost his friends (aka being an ass for no reason), and telling trish this is the end of her time with the gang (which i’ll get into in a sec). all this just is poor characterisation and it changes the reader’s perspective of giornos behaviour towards fugo, because it makes him look sneaky, as if he’s lying to fugo to control him WHICH HE WASNT DOING

- the fact that giorno cuts trish off really bothered me too. she was fifteen, had no family, and had formed a close relationship with both bucciarati (who she saw as a father figure) and narancia (who had deep empathy for her). yet giorno cuts her off with no real explanation and doesn’t even let her attend their funerals AND FOR WHAT. SHE HAS NO WHERE TO GO. it made me so mad so mad

- the comparison between trish and bruno’s mum was extremely weak and didn’t make much sense. in trish’s case, bruno sacrificed himself for her own good, to help someone he cared for. bruno’s mum was on the opposite end, and bruno chose to throw away a better life for himself to help his DAD which then meant his mum couldn’t see him often either. so there really isn’t much comparison between the two because they were on different ends of bruno’s kindness.

- and then finally the thing that REALLY pissed me off was trish basically calling bruno an asshole for dying for her. i understand where the author was going, and it is actually a really interesting concept. trish believes that she would have been better off dead, and bruno sacrificing his life for her didnt lead to her living a better life like he thought it would. so on the one hand, i can read this as “he was too kind for his own good”. and she then says that someone like giorno can turn these things in his favour, but regular people like her can’t. HOWEVER IT DOESNT GO IN THIS DIRECTION. it just seems as though the author missed the point of bruno’s sacrifice for trish and also seems to believe giornos motivations come from him being selfish. plus the fact that there’s a comparison between trish and her mum makes things worse, considering the mum has no reason to believe bruno to be awful other than the fact that he “abandoned her” for someone else. in trish’s case, he didn’t abandon her, she was abandoned by giorno, and was saved by bruno.

anyway, this is likely extremely incoherent. there’s a lot more i could say but i don’t wanna write a whole novel so i’ve probably missed a lot. plus i’d probably have to reread the chapter for better insight. i have a hard time writing what i’m thinking too.

i guess my main disappointment in this chapter is that it feels as though it’s a poor interpretation of vento aureo, and anything that may be interesting is executed poorly or turns in a direction that either mischaracterises or is a massive reach. it feels like the author had a direction but it was messy and didn’t hit like it should have, and the main idea was lost.

the addition of this chapter just feels like it destroys some of the really good characterisation in phf. this is why i prefer to ignore this and pretend it isn’t canon to purple haze feedback, which it doesn’t have to be considering i have a copy of the book (in japanese) and from what i can tell this chapter isn’t included.

also if u haven’t and ur interested read it urself don’t listen to me i’m just some random what do i know. and if u like it that’s good for u too. chances are i’m just an idiot

[kalofi]

fugio? reading purple haze feedback really got me into it

GGRGRGGRRRRRRRR BARKBARK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fugio also hurts me. i love them SOOOO SO MUCH and i HATE how like 87% of fugio content is angst like let them be HAPPPPYYYYYYYY. anyway they r so good and make me go 🥺 irl

[thornsofdeath]

phf rants

as i’ve made clear im rlly impacted by this book. dont mind my lowkey venting

damn this is long

mista's coldness towards fugo / the stadium scene as a whole

it really really hurt me to see mista treating fugo, his old partner, his old friend like a dangerous enemy. i know he had his valid reasoning, but that very specific kind of angst shatters me. mista had his gun pointed at fugo for the entire stadium scene, not wavering for even a second. the worst part? it seemed like mista was trying to purposefully incite fugo to snap by right out insulting him and his stand, saying he was glad when fugo didn’t get on the boat. it seemed like he was egging fugo on just so he had an excuse to kill him, to get one more thing off his list of concerns. fugo as a person meant nothing at all to mista. when mista said “kill these traitors, or we’ll kill you” i wanted to cry. mista goes on about hoe fugo is a massive threat because purple haze is unhinged and can wipe out the enitre population if he wanted. fugo politely corrects him, as PH only has 6 capsules and can only attack 6 times in a day. did i see myself in that scene and feel fugo’s pain of just wanting to be left alone and not have to think about the past or the future, silent and melancholic during intervention and just feeling like the only way out is to kms right then and there? thats a secret ill never tell.  phf makes me smad.

there were some little details in purple haze feedback that got me thinking as well. in the 6 months between fugo’s leave and his cold reuniting with mista, fugo was playing piano at a bar. Most of the people who bring this up refer to it as just some cool trick he could get because he’s a rich kid. he is not. in flashbacks, it’s shown that bruno only knows how to cope with distress by isolating himself and bottling everything up. god, did i feel that. sheila e’s life goal was to kill illuso (to avenge her sister) and swore her life to giorno after finding out he killed him, it’s ironic though because in reality fugo had killed him, and in the first part of the book, they weren’t exactly friends. 

another part that really just made me wanna sob and bash my head into a wall was seeing fugo’s pure self hatred. since he was a child, he had it drilled into his head that if he couldnt produce results, he was worthless. after being disowned and thrown into jail with no future, he was completely hopeless. even after bruno came and took him in, he was never free of his liabilities. no matter what he did, he couldnt help seeing himself as some monster, failure, and burden. (kinnie moment) it worsened when he had to abandon bruno’s gang, his only saving grace was bruno, his light, hope, and acceptance. now he was stripped of that, gripped in fear knowing too well that betraying passione would end horribly. deep in his heart he wanted so badly to join them, to join his found family, but the logic he had drilled into his own head of knowing that betrayal was foolish and futile wouldnt let him have his way. hes back on the streets, just like how he was (or wouldve been after getting out of jail) after being disowned. he got a piano gig at a bar, and let himself wallow in grief and depression for 6 months. throughout the events pf PHF, we still see him clinging to memories and trauma. they say “what you let consume you will define you”, and i couldnt begin to describe it any better. putting all of the guilt and blame on his own shoulders, feeling he deserved it all and more. 

either i wasnt paying enough attention (this bitch got some rereading to do) or the purple haze distortion scene was kinda underwhelming. his character arc felt kinda rushed, like most of the book was establishing his bad state and constant flashbacks, and then all of a sudden he has confidence in his abilities and believes in himself. of course, im overjoyed he did get growth, and had a happy ending (depends on how you interpret it). stan fugio

vittorio’s fascination with pain really got me feelin. hgghhhhhhhh hh hnnhhhhh. he describes it well, wanting to feel his life force/energy in the form of pain so that he didnt ‘go extinct’, and the writing of it just saying straight up ‘cutting himself’ ‘hurting himself’ ‘self harming’ made my skin crawl. as someone who suffers with shit like that its both painful and relieving to know a character who has similar habits, whether it’s for the purpose of activating his stand or just to cope. 

2 times in phf, fugo does some kind of suicide attack. of course, he survives both. it’s never made clear whether or not he intended to die/didnt mind dying as it was a way of accomplishing his mission, but either way it got me heavy breathing. the last one especially, when he bites a virus capsule to kill volpe. did he know he’d grown and purple haze would miraculously save him with his own genius plan, or was he going out with a bang? luckily for me it wasnt really gone over like ‘hey you couldve died from that are you doing ok mentally’ or else i mightve felt nauseous reading it. im all for angst, but idk how much more i can take when its day 87 of quarantine and im numb as fuck just waiting to break down. 

angelica’s stand night bird flying (is probably not that complicated im just fuckin dumb) made fugo and everyone else hallucinate/dream. in fugo’s dream, it was pretty much an ideal au.  he was permitted to see his grandma when she was near death (preventing the professor scene), met bruno (fisher boy with fisher dad) on a boat and they became friends, nara went back to school and was doing good overall, abba remained a cop but didnt do any bad things, the whole group was all just good friends having a fun time. god i would licherally sell my body and soul for them all to be happy like that and all live. 

the concept of abandonment also messed me up, just the feeling that everyone say fugo as someone who abandoned the group in their hour of need out of selfishness made me wanna cry angry sad depression tears. hes a good man! let him be ok and happy i will fight all fugo haters no cap

every time i think back to the fugio restaurant scene i just. idk man it hurts me. the pessimistic bitch in me says that it would be unrequited and fugo would only be more sad because even through his efforts, he’s just another pawn working for giorno. on the other hand, it makes me soft n giddy because?? omyfucking god giorno asks fugo to call him giogio when NOBODY ELSE IN THE BOOK had referred to him as that. the fuckin “if grief anchors your feet, let me share it” part makes me wanna jusyt. complete my kin transformation into fugo and be a sobbin g  shaking mess in his arms as he tells me its all gonna be ok. was that a vent? absolutely. anyways, its pretty damn special for the don of the mafia to invite you to breakfast at a fancy restaurant before the place opens and its just the two of you. giorno fixes fugo’s injuries and tells him that he’s proud of his growth, and that he knew fugo could do it. dude?????? if i didnt already know i was a lonely affection/affirmation/attention starved bitch that wouldve done it for me.

holy fuck that was longer than i expected it to be. i do feel better tho