#anyways everyone in that show is trans I know because the six idiots told me themselves

[spineless-lobster]

I’ve put in for a transfer

Haha idiot I fucking transed your CO

(I have been thinking about a trans pun regarding the military for about 10 minutes and I’ve got nothing)

[divine-motion]

don’t fucking interact if you ship t/cest and minor/adult ships

more shitty phone photos of sketchbook sketches for my tmnt fan incarnation/tmnt 2012 rewrite bc i have no shame and i’m having fun with it! pictures should have captions since i spent time writing them out, but tumblr might mess it up, so in case captions doesn’t work: 1. left to right: leo, donatello up, raphael down, michelangelo 2. Casey Jones up top, April O’Neil to the right, donatello in the middle and karai at the bottom 3. casey and don again, raphael to the left, mikey at the bottom just bc i liked how their their expressions turned out and didn’t want a bunch of negative space so don and case appear again 4. size chart featuring turtles. left to right: leo, don, mikey, raph 5. sketchy Slash design. big boy.

general thoughts character stuff below the Keep Reading. A Lot of rambling below so beware!!

April: 15 years old, trans and bi. local fifteen year old telepath finds out that not everyone is able to feel what other people are feeling, something she’s been able to do since she was six after she played in that one weirdly glowy puddle (early Kraang mutagen attempt that only managed to mutate April in the sense that it gave her telepathy, was originally intended to make humans become part of the Kraang hivemind). she’s largely unfazed by the existence of mutants and aliens, taking it in stride, and finds out about the Kraang - and meets the turtles - while snooping around TCRI business (aspiring journalist that she is) and accidentally witnessing the mutation of Snakeweed. her telepathy, which later as she grows in power alongside the turtles extends to telekinesis and basically possession, is very useful whenever she gets into a scrap since she can predict what moves her opponent will make, thus letting her dodge their blows effectively. personality wise she is a very determined and driven young girl, incredibly curious (and cannot mind her own business, she wants to know all the drama while not having to be part of it... which makes her very fortunate to be a telepath. listen she’s 15 she’s allowed to misuse her powers a little bit. as a treat.), playful, and cheerful, and she’s an extroverted autistic. in her spare time between her studies, she likes to play bass, sing, read, and write. that, and investigating whatever shady business is going on in town, and she makes it very clear to the turtles that even if they weren’t going to deal with the Kraang, she’d continue to try to stop them herself. she would like to not live under the threat of her or her loved ones getting mutated, thank you very much! and, you know, it’s kind of exciting. kind of.

i know it’s bc i have brain issues when it comes to parent figures but i am very much leaning towards Splinter not being... a good dad. i don’t think 2012 Splinter is a good dad anyways but i’d probably amp it up, make him a mix of 2012 and idw probably. i’m still mulling it over but like, remember in the season 1 finale when leo is watching his show and thinks the captain guy making a totally unnecessary sacrifice is a heroic move, and then Splinter tells leo (his fifteen year old child) that leo should know what or who to sacrifice, more or less telling him to sacrifice his brothers’ lives, potentially?? i know there was a lot at stake but hello??? i remember watching it and being like me: ah i see, this is showing that splinter is wrong and there is no need for any sacrifices as seen in the show when the captain Goes Down With His Ship for no reason other than just sacrificing himself, and leo will see that- leo: *tries to sacrifice himself twice in the finale, both times being kind of unnecessary/seemed like if he had just hurried or done something slightly different there would be no need to stay behind, and he gets out fine with no consequences, seemingly no injuries, and does Not learn anything, his brothers don’t even get sad when they think he died or get mad at him for pulling such a dumb move) me: surprised_pikachu.jpeg

like that moment haunts me. has any other splinter told their sons to sacrifice himself or his brothers? has any other splinter put that on them??? idw doesn’t count if he has bc he’s more explicitly supposed to be bad so???

sometimes writers think they’ve made an uncle iroh but they really, really, really haven’t. also his backstory is the same as in the show

anyways. Donatello: 15 years old, bog turtle, nonbinary (he/they, doesn’t mind being called brother but doesn’t like to be called “boy” or “girl” or whatever), bi. he isn’t in love with April. no creepy incel shit here. donnie is instead more like a mix between his Rise and 2003 self. he has trouble expressing himself and is pretty introverted, but he is very altruistic, kind, and compassionate. a lot of his inventions are made to help people and he was driven to learn about science and engineering because he wants to find a way to reverse splinter’s mutation, to give splinter his life and humanity back. he feels like he needs to know if splinter would just abandon them if he wasn’t a huge rat man, needs to know if there’s any part of splinter that blames them for being constant reminders of his mutation. other than that, he also likes to make inventions because he’s a dreamer and wants to experiment to see how much of the unknown he can push beyond. also, the best liar out of the turtles. also fairly good at compromising and prefers to solve conflicts without violence he can get a little... “obnoxious 15 year old genius” at times. even when he’s helpful it can come off as a bit “poor dear isn’t as smart as me”, and while he usually gets along well with Raph, he doesn’t handle Raph’s temper well at all (calls him “Wrathael/Wrath” and thinks he’s being super clever) and gets really dismissive of Raph’s “outbursts”.

Michelangelo: 13 years old, diamondback terrapin, unsure about the gender and sexuality thing but he doesn’t think he’s exactly cis and definitely not straight. a bouncy ball of sunshine and surprising emotional maturity and emotional intelligence! more so than his emotionally constipated brothers, at least. it’s on his thirteenth birthday (it was leo’s idea for them to pick dates that would let them have their own birthdays instead of sharing the “Mutation Day”, Mutation Day being another special “holiday”) that the Plot would be set in motion, as he’s finally allowed to go to the surface same as his brothers, and on this first night out they meet April and the Kraang and other mutants. he is a goof still, but he’s capable in his own right and gets frustrated when people treat him like a baby or an idiot because he’s not. he doesn’t always treat everything with the seriousness it should but like. he’s thirteen, he’s having fun. even so, he’s very insistent of taking responsibility whenever he does do something wrong and gets mad if someone tries to take the blame for something he’s done. definitely the most compassionate and empathetic out of the turtles, he’s quick to make friends and is very persuasive due to his earnest nature and good heart. much like donnie, he prefers to solve conflict without violence but does enjoy knocking skulls a lot more than donnie. unlike donnie, though, he is almost overly forgiving and not petty at all. he’s well aware that his kindness and forgiveness may be taken advantage of, but he still likes to approach people with an open hand, even if he knows that it may end up getting bitten. oh, and his hobbies include drawing, cooking, singing, and dancing. he likes to express himself!

Raphael: 14 years old, mississippi map turtle, trans, bi. all his fury is compressed within his tiny body, that’s why he’s so angry all the time! no, he’s not angry all the time, but he does have a short fuse. he absolutely hates his anger issues which leads to a lot of self-loathing, and a lot of frustration as his family members either don’t take his anger seriously or don’t have the tools to help him with it. he’s the physically strongest out of the bunch and the least agile. he loves animals and plants a lot and keeps a lot of flowers in his room, hoping that he can one day become a gardener. as his idw self, he wants to watch things grow, but no matter what he does he seems to be best at destroying things. he’s also the one most self-conscious about how the human world perceives them, as he greatly fears rejection, and is the first one to see something positive with people getting mutated - namely, that maybe this way mutants will be more well known and finally accepted by society, so he’ll no longer be trapped in the sewer until the end of his days. so yeah, he’s a huge optimist, in truth. also he’s great at knitting - great at creating and taking care of things in general - and there’s no leo and raph rivalry this time around. he can get mad at leo but not really more than he gets with his other brothers.

Casey: 15 years old, nonbinary (they/them), bi. teen vigilante who gets inspired to fight mutants and the big time criminals (no beating up pickpockets or shoplifters or whatever, just the ones that are really hurting people) and gets roped into the turtle fam after meeting raph and becoming unexpected friends (everyone was expecting it, once Casey realized that mutants are people and not weird monsters. well, not all the time, anyways). they struggle a bit in school not because of a lack of trying but a lack of time, as their parents work full time jobs and someone has to take care of casey’s little sister. their parents are very loving, but they only have so much time, so casey takes it upon themselves to take care of their little sister when their parents are busy and/or burned out from work. that, and they run into the classic dilemma of vigilante work clashing with school work. as always, they have a short fuse, they’re pretty cocky, they like beating ass, and they like hockey a whole lot. hockey, vigilante work, school, and taking care of their little sister... yeah, they have a lot on their plate. oh, and making their little inventions like the taser glove and their puck bombs, something that they bond with donnie over.

Leonardo: 17 years old, Central American wood turtle, trans, gay. he doesn’t fall in love with his sister oh my god. ahem. so, leo is raised from the start to be a Leader and has to mature very quickly, learning to be an adult way earlier than he should’ve, and as such he is very stoic and quiet, and doesn’t seem to have any hobbies, instead just doing chores and training almost constantly, and when he’s not doing that he’s reading or sleeping in his free time. he’s incredibly protective of his younger brothers and his other allies/friends, even if he acts distant and detached most of the time, and removes himself from situations where they’re having fun to not be the stick in the mud. he loves his brothers and admires them greatly, believing they could be So Much if the surface world would just accept them, and as a result he tries to be The Soldier so his brothers won’t have to. alas, they still get caught up in the Kraang and Shredder business, which frustrates him internally. he is the best fighter out of the turtles on account of having more years to train (and convincing Splinter to wait a few more years before they got Real training bc Come On Dude They’re Kids) but it’s the Only thing he’s good at, along with stealth and his sharp eyes. he absolutely sucks at talking when it isn’t about a mission or something he can script easily in his head. in his mind, he’s supposed to be more of a weapon than a person, an idea that isn’t exactly encouraged by Splinter... but not exactly discouraged either. his arc would be very paralleled with Karai’s, as they would both learn to hate their dads... also, absolutely down for murder, and a lawful neutral at best, putting his family and friends’ safety above all other things and following a strict personal code. doesn’t care too much for society’s laws, though.

Karai: 16 years old, demigirl, lesbian. same backstory as in the show, she’s born as Miwa but gets taken by Oroku Saki and raised as his daughter. however, she doesn’t exactly want revenge against Hamato Yoshi because she believes that he killed her mother. she never knew her mother, so it’s much more difficult to hate someone for taking her mother away, even if it does mean that she never got to know her mother. especially since her father rarely spoke of what her mother was like, and much more about how much he hates Yoshi. instead, her need for revenge is more for the possibly idyllic life she was robbed of, since she believes that maybe, just maybe, her father Saki would’ve been a kind father that would’ve let her have a normal childhood and not be molded into a warrior from the start if her mother still lived. and hey, maybe Tang Shen would be a nice mom too. being trained in the art of deception, Karai has a tendency to talk a lot and say very little, or at least very little that is true. she is rarely ever sincere and acts as if she’s taking nothing seriously, which is part of her defense mechanism to never let anyone close or see her true self. she mocks pretty much everyone, ally and enemy alike, but especially likes to make fun of her father’s henchmen and is always the first to point out their failures. while she does value honor to some extent, she is a bit “flimsy” when it comes to loyalty, especially after the truth about her father is revealed. when that is revealed, she at first just feels very numb, learning that not only has she been nothing but a tool and a weapon for the Shredder from the very start, but also that the idyllic fantasy where her mother still lived, perhaps her life wouldn’t be so different after all. she looks at leonardo and sees a reflection of herself, that her “real” father chose to train his sons the same way the Shredder trained her. she feels stupid for feeling like she’s been robbed of even a fantasy, but it still enrages her. of course, this also inspires her to stay with the Foot Clan... just to get the kill on Shredder.

... yeah. that got long. ahem. i’m very passionate about this unfortunately!! anyways i might draw/write more for it because no one can stop me and i’m having fun

[rising-generations]

Iris. [SDRA2 Sannohashi Oneshot]

read on ao3 here if you please

plot:

and i don't want the world to see me 'cause i don't think that they'd understand when everything's made to be broken i just want you to know who i am.

syobai hashimoto has to fix the biggest mistake he's ever made in his life. mikado sannoji has to deal with what syobai leaves behind when he runs away. it was never supposed to go this far.

syobai-focused sannohashi, set in the "nuclear" AU. more explained inside. featuring trans!mikado and sora/syobai friendship. tw for mentions of suicide attempt in the beginning.

notes:

So to make a long story short, this series takes place after a huge nuclear war decimated half of the human population and fucked up a lot of shit with the environment and people's bodies. Everybody knows shit's fucked. The SDRA2 kids exist in the same universe as the rest of the canon Ultimates, and everyone's around the same age (THH and NDRV3 kids are about 22, SDR2 kids are 23, SDRA2 kids are around 20-21). So everyone's an adult. Don't come for my throat. Don't like it, don't leave a nasty comment, thanks! Bad and stinky comments will be placed inside the bee oven to atone for their sins.

It's not often that Syobai admits this, but this time, he's absolutely, completely, royally, fucked up. Badly. And normally he doesn't care, but this time is so very different. Sitting at a table in a nearly-empty diner at half-past noon is not where he thought he was gonna end up today, but here he is, with his head in his hands, staring down at his phone's lock screen, counting the minutes since Sora sent her "omw" text.

This diner serves whiskey. A lot of places serve liquor now, have since the war tore the world apart and left millions of traumatized people to deal with the aftermath, many of them turning to alcohol to cope. Syobai has been drinking since the ripe old age of ten, so that's not new to him, and the whiskey they have here is strong, and it's tempting.

It's so, so tempting. But if he does that, it won't end very well for him; first of all, Sora would likely -- definitely -- beat his ass into next week if she shows up and finds him drunk. Second, in the state he's currently in emotionally, if he gets drunk, all he's going to do is remember things, and when he remembers things, he ends up waking up on the bathroom floor at 3 AM in a puddle of his own tears with a bottle of pain pills in his hand.

So Syobai won't drink. Not today, anyway. But God damn, does he really want to smoke.

As soon as he starts to get up to go outside (the diner has a no smoking policy, which he thinks is stupid considering the fact that nuclear warfare has done shit to the air they don't even know about yet, but he's not willing to get kicked out and risk a beating by Sora yet again), the universe interferes with his life once more. Sora steps in through the door of the diner.

Well there goes that plan.

She spots him fairly quickly and strides over to the booth in the back corner, sliding into the seat like nothing's changed. Syobai remembers when they'd used to skip class every Wednesday and go down to the diner down the street from Hope's Peak, the one that served all the crazy Western food, and dare each other to eat the craziest shit on the menu as fast as they could without puking or choking. Sora, of course, would win every time, and "claim her victory for all of the lesbians out there."

It's enough to make him smile a little bit. The diner was abandoned when the war started, but they still hang out there sometimes.

"So, you wanna tell me what's wrong with you?"

Sora's voice breaks through his thoughts, and Syobai lifts his head to look at her. She's got her chin in her hand, and her elbow propped on the table.

"Elbows on the table? Not very lady-like," Syobai jokes. With her free hand, Sora flips him off, and he snickers. "I'm kidding, geez. Who says there's anything wrong with me?"

Sora points at the complimentary basket of chips the diner serves with every customer. "There's food on the table, and you haven't eaten it all yet to spite me. Now, I asked you nicely. Don't make me come over there."

Well. Looks like he can't stall his explanation anymore.

He lets out a long, heavy, slow sigh, and laces his fingers together in front of him on the table. Syobai turns his grey-eyed gaze down towards the surface of the table, before forcing himself to look up and meet Sora's eyes.

"I need your help," he says simply. "I fucked up."

"You do that a lot. Elaborate."

"I fucked up really, really bad." Syobai pauses. "With Mikado."

Sora tilts her head. "Last time I asked, you told me the two of you were "just sleeping together casually." Did you lie to me, Syobai?"

Syobai swallows heavily. He can hear his heart beating in his ears.

"Mikado is pregnant," he finally says. The words actually leaving his lips feel like the final blow in a fight, and he's just lost. "With my children."

"... oh." Sora blinks a few times. "So this was an accident, I take it? Whatever happened to high school Syobai Hashimoto who carried five different types of condoms in his wallet at all times just in case he met a hot guy walking home from school?"

"Hey, in my defense, I usually still have condoms." Yes, they're a bit harder to find nowadays, as is almost everything, but up until now, he's always managed to have one on hand for when the two of them start feeling frisky (which tends to happen at least once a day). "To answer your question, though, what happened is Setsuka decided to get hitched."

"The party," Sora gasps, remembering suddenly. "Oh, my God. So you two did fuck in the bathroom! Emma owes me five thousand yen."

"Yes, we did do that," Syobai mumbles. It's not totally his fault, he thinks. It's not like Mikado wasn't grinding on him half the night, begging him to fuck him as hard as he could against the wall. It's no doubt the best sex he's ever had in his life.

And, of course, it's the one time they fuck without a condom and without pulling out. Not that that's guaranteed to help anything, but hey, it might have? Maybe it's just wishful thinking on Syobai's part.

"So what's the problem?" Sora continues. "Does he not want the babies?"

Syobai looks away. "I, uh. I don't know."

Sora's eyes narrow dangerously. "You didn't talk to him about it?"

Syobai gives a dry laugh. "Well, ya see, that's where the whole "I fucked up really bad" bit comes in."

"What'd you do." This isn't spoken as a question, somehow, as Sora's voice deepens. She's already pissed off, great, and Syobai has a feeling she won't be any happier when he tells this part of the story.

"Um." Syobai swallows again, more nervous this time. "I... I ran off."

Silence. "Excuse me?" Sora says. "You wanna run that by me again?"

Syobai still isn't meeting her eyes. He recalls exactly how the exchange went, just about two hours ago now.

"I'm pregnant."

The world stops turning.

Mikado's holding his hands over his stomach, gloved fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt so tightly his hands shake. Syobai, on the other hand, just. Stands there. Staring at Mikado, completely speechless.

Before he knows it, his body is reacting all on its own. Syobai opens his mouth, trying to form an intelligent response, but all that comes out is two words he'll regret deeply:

"I can't."

Before Mikado reacts to that, Syobai yanks the front door open and takes off down the street, running and running and running until he can't, falling to his knees behind the 7-11 -- how the hell did he get there, it's a mile from the house -- choking and coughing before he inevitably pukes from the strain of running so far, so fast.

This all goes through his head in the span of about two seconds. "I just stood there like an idiot," Syobai finally says. "I -- I said I can't and then I ran." His hand curls into a fist. "I ran like the dumb fucking coward I am." He brings his fist down on the table as hard as he can. Sora doesn't jump, instead staring at him evenly. "Go ahead and say it. I know you want to."

"You're right for once. What the hell is wrong with you?" Sora snaps. "I know that taking responsibility for your numerous fuck-ups is completely foreign to you, and usually you get away with it with no consequences because that's just how it is when you deal with people you don't care about and criminals, and hey, I can let it go when it's some nameless Yakuza dude who got assassinated with a gun you sold someone 'cause I don't care either," she begins. "But then, you turn around and do this shit? To Mikado? To someone we all know, and yeah, he might be a rat, but he doesn't deserve to be left high and dry and pregnant and scared because you --" And here she points at him, Syobai flinching as every word cuts deeper, "-- are a fucking coward. You're God damn right you screwed up."

"I was scared," Syobai says, his weak attempt at a protest surprising even himself.

"You were scared?" Sora laughs, and it's bitter. "That's funny. It's funny that you were scared. How do you think Mikado feels right now? Alone, facing the possibility of having to raise more than one child by himself after the man he's spent half of high school madly in love with, and the man he's been sleeping with for the past six months, ran away when he told him he'd gotten him pregnant?"

There's really nothing he can say to that. Syobai sighs shakily. "I wasn't just scared because he's pregnant," he finally says. "I was scared because..."

He shuts his eyes.

"Because I love him. I love him, so much that it hurts, and I may as well have just stabbed him right in the chest."

"And you're not used to that," Sora says. "You're not used to caring for anyone except yourself. But as long as you kept telling yourself it was just for fun, and there were no feelings involved, you could shrug it off. Maybe a part of you thought Mikado felt the same way, like it was just a game. Then he started to make your world wider, you started to get comfortable with it, and you got scared. Then he came to you, and told you that it wasn't just him anymore, and you panicked. You couldn't handle it. But instead of staying there and talking to him about it like an adult, you were just cryptic, and then you ran away."

Syobai opens his eyes and looks over at Sora. He somehow looks even older than he usually does. "Yeah. Yeah, you got me there." He swallows, heavily, and his mouth tastes like copper from how hard he's been chewing on his inner lip. "It was just supposed to be for fun. It was never supposed to be serious."

"Yeah, well, tough shit," Sora shrugs. "Mikado's pregnant. You're gonna be a dad. You could run all the way to America and it wouldn't change a thing. The only difference is, Mikado has to live with what you gave him forever. You've got two choices: you can drag your sorry ass home and show Mikado you're sorry, or you can keep running away. But, I'll have you know..." And here, Sora's voice darkens, and she looks more dangerous now than she ever did before even with a gun in her hands, "If you leave him like that? And if you ever run away from him like that again? And dare to show your face in Japan again? I will personally hunt you down and make you beg for me to kill you. Understand?"

"... yeah. I understand," Syobai replies. He runs a hand through his hair while Sora takes a couple of breaths to calm herself down. "I don't want to leave him. But I don't think I'm ready to be a father. Or much of anything, really." He looks down at his hands, rough and calloused and forever stained with the blood of so many that only he can see. "What if I can't love them?"

"If you love Mikado as much as you say you do, you'll fall in love with those babies way before they're ever born," Sora tells him. "Listen. This world's gone to shit. It's gonna be hard to raise a family like this. That's why Yoruko and I are waiting. But it's a little too late for you to do that, so all you can do is suck it up and do everything you can to make sure they never have to be a part of what we were."

Sora's words seal Syobai's decision.

---

He tries calling Mikado to tell him he's coming home for an hour, and gets absolutely no response. A part of Syobai is worried, desperately hoping Mikado didn't do something stupid and end up hurting himself, and wants to get home as soon as he can, but...

The other part of him feels like if he just shows up at home with no warning, it'll only make the situation that much worse.

So he calls, and calls, and calls, and gets sent to voicemail over and over, until finally, there's an answer.

"Fucking Syobai Hashimoto," a voice that is decidedly not Mikado's comes through the speaker. "I ought to skin you alive and wear you like a fur coat. How dare you."

Syobai sighs and frowns, rubs a hand over his face. "Hello, Nikei."

"Don't you hello, Nikei me!" The furious man spits over the phone. "Ever since Mikado told me you two were a thing, I've been looking for a reason to shoot you and make Why Syobai Hashimoto's Death Should be Celebrated as a National Holiday an article on the front page news for a month straight! Now I finally get a reason and I can't even do it because Mikado wants his kids to know their scumbag father!"

Syobai pauses. "... he wants me to come back?"

"I want you to come back, too," Nikei starts to say. "So I can beat you to death with a baseball bat." It sounds like he wants to say more, but then Syobai hears a very quiet, muffled voice in the background. It has to be Mikado. He strains to hear, but it's no use, because the phone doesn't pick up exactly what he's saying. A few seconds later, though, he hears Nikei give a heavy sigh.

"Alright, fine. Mikado wants to hear you out, so I won't be here when you get back, sadly," Nikei mutters. "But I can be there in ten minutes tops if he calls me back, and I'd love to see you try to outrun my bullets."

"Point taken." Syobai closes his eyes and lets out a slow breath. "Tell him to leave the door unlocked. I'm coming home."

---

It takes a little under an hour for Syobai to get home. He has to walk all the way there, after all, and he's already tired, but he pushes through. By the time he makes it to the driveway, it feels like his legs are about to fall off.

Then he gets to the front door, puts his hand on the doorknob, and hesitates. It's like all of the exhaustion evaporates, replaced by pure adrenaline and the urge to turn around and start running again.

No. He's made up his mind. Syobai closes his eyes, the mental image of Mikado laughing brightly in his arms appearing to him with no trouble at all, without him even needing to think about it.

God. All the things he would do to make that smile come back to Mikado's face. All the things he would do to forget the look of heartbreak he saw for just a split second when they were standing in the living room.

He turns the doorknob and walks inside the empty living room. His feet land in the same place they were, and he lets the door close behind him as he takes a few shallow breaths. The nagging little voice in the back of his head says you should've ended this a long time ago, Hashimoto. You always knew you'd never be man enough for him, to protect him, to care for him. You're just a coward.

Syobai ignores it, pushes through the pain and walks over to the door of the bedroom he and Mikado have been sharing. Technically, it's Syobai's room, because this is his house, but his sheets smell like Mikado, and it's his and Mikado's clothes on the floor in that room, and there's a picture of both of them hanging on the wall.

Syobai bites his lip so hard he tastes blood, then knocks three times on the door. He contemplates saying something to announce his presence, but finds it better to keep his mouth shut for right now.

At least, until the door opens up, and it's Mikado standing before him, with no mask, his face clearly streaked and stained with tears. Syobai forces himself to look at his face, look him in the eyes, because Mikado deserves that, at least. He deserves so much more than what Syobai's given him.

Neither of them really knows what to say at first. Then Syobai takes a shuddering, shallow breath.

"I'm sorry, for what I said," Syobai finally says. "I said "I can't." That was a lie. I - I can, I just... didn't want to face it."

"I really hope you didn't come all the way here just to say I'm sorry and expect me to forgive you," Mikado says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Syobai shakes his head. "I'm not asking you to forgive me right now," he murmurs. "I just want you to hear me out. Then you can do whatever you want. I swear. Please."

Mikado bites his lip and looks down at the floor, contemplating. "Fine. But I'm not doing this for you."

"That's okay." Syobai closes his eyes for a moment, then looks back evenly at Mikado as he slowly gets to his knees, now looking up at him. Mikado doesn't hide the look of shock on his face as Syobai starts talking.

"Listen. I'm not gonna make excuses. I'm a coward, and I'm a fool. I broke your heart. When things go beyond my intentions, I try to own up to them. Today I ran away instead." He swallows heavily, watches as Mikado shuts his eyes tight. "I - until you told me this morning, I was a man with nothing to lose. Nobody but myself. Then I went from that, to having everything to lose in two words. All my life, I never cared about what happened to anybody but myself. I didn't give a shit. And now..." He looks at Mikado's stomach, where he's resting one of his gloved hands, as though he isn't even thinking about it.

"I realized no matter how far I ran, or for how long, I'd never be able to forget that. I couldn't change it. I can't go back in time and stop what happened." Syobai sighs. Mikado's hands tremble. "The more I thought about it, the more I realized: I don't want to stop what happened. I don't want these kids to not exist."

"Then why did you run away? Why'd you leave me?" Mikado chokes out.

There's no turning back now. Syobai looks at Mikado right in the eyes, grey meeting pale brown, Syobai finally ready to say the words that could make or break him.

"Because I love you, Mikado Sannoji," Syobai says, clearly, sincerely, the only words that have ever come from his mouth with complete purity. "I love you, and it's real and it's raw and it scares the living hell out of me, because I didn't think I could until you walked into my life." He reaches out, fully ready for Mikado to push him away. Instead, he's pleasantly surprised when his cold hands are wrapped in Mikado's warm ones. He hasn't looked away from him, not for a moment, watching as more tears spill down Mikado's face despite him trying to fight them. "I got through life by putting up paywalls, literally, and I knew no person in their right mind would ever wanna get past them." He gives a little laugh. "I didn't count on you, coming in and blowing holes through them."

"Hey, I only blew a hole in a wall once, and that was an accident," Mikado laughs and cries at the same time, his body trembling. By now, Syobai's shaking too, but he's still fighting his own tears.

"Well, you sure got rid of mine," Syobai says. He lifts one of his hands to his lips and kisses his knuckles. "To be honest, I'm still scared. I don't know what I'm doing, not with you, not with the kids we made, not with my life, but I do know one thing: I wanna figure it out with you, and nobody else."

His voice cracks. Syobai swallows heavily, one last ditch-effort attempt at holding back his emotions.

"Will you let me stay here, right here, by your side?" Syobai asks, voice strained. "Will you let me become the man you deserve?" He sniffs, his last words coming in a quiet sob:

"Will you let me be a father?"

Mikado nods, squeezes Syobai's hands, his decision made as soon as he sees the tears -- so very real, undeniable evidence of Syobai bearing his soul to Mikado for the first time -- coming down his face like rain.

"Yeah. Yes, let's do it," Mikado whispers. "Oh, my God. We're gonna be fathers."

Syobai leans forward a little, rests his head against Mikado's belly, presses their still interlocked hands against the small, barely-noticeable swell, evidence that their children are safe, growing, and healthy. He doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to, as he rolls up the bottom of Mikado's shirt and kisses his skin, so gently he's afraid he imagined it at first.

Syobai Hashimoto doesn't so much fall in love with Mikado Sannoji; instead, rather, he stumbles into it, clumsy and foolish and with no grace at all. But he falls in love with their little ones in a split second, a moment in time he'll never forget.

[bloomtech]

( Alberto Rosende + NB Man + He/They ) isn’t that Carlos Tavor over there singing?  they’ve been in bloom for one year and I didn’t know they did that. somehow i know they’re a twenty-six-year-old stage tech. i’m pretty sure they’re bi with a strong preference for men and i heard they’re into hair pulling + oral fixation they’re staying at bloom court so maybe you stand a chance. ♡ penned by Terry & pacific & he/they/it

mic.off: Hey!! My name is Terry and I’ll be penning for Carlos and another baby ( hopefully ) sdlfkj I haven’t been in a group RP in a while and I'm very excited. I'm twenty-five and I’m an nb trans man as well as being gay sdljkf Carlos is a new muse that I have yet to write for so bare with me if he’s not totally realized. Here’s some info about him! Apologies I’m not the BEST at writing bios. There are two people mentioned in his bio Iris and Iris’ ex-boyfriend, both id’ totally love to see realized here in wanted connections if anybody is at all interested. 

Name: Carlos Alvaro Tavor 

Age: Twenty six

Sexuality: Bi with a heavy preference for men, he’s not at all opposed to being with a woman and is attracted to them it’s just basically easier for a man/male aligned person to get in bed with him or have a flirty romantic relationship than for a binary woman

Gender: NB man, he’s amab but like what the fuck is gender anyway?

Family and friends: Carlos has four sisters, one mother, three best friends back home and little to no friends at bloom. He tends to focus all his energy and attention into his job so even if you know him, he’s only been there about a year so it’s likely he won’t consider anyone a friend yet. His father passed away in an incident he doesn’t wish to discuss. 

Sexually: Carlos is a verse, he tends to prefer being the submissive one but most definitely enjoys dominating the situation as well. Top or bottom is fine real men get pegged and he has an oral fixation and loves giving head to his partners regardless of what they have going on. He’s kinda into dirty talk but if you try and get him to speak Spanish during sex he’s just gonna fuckin leave lskjdhfjsdfg he has no patience for that Latin lover bullshit

Bio: Carlos was born the youngest of five children and the first and only boy of his parents. His father died when he was about two years old and only he, his family and his best friend Iris really know all the details, he really clams up when asked about it.

 When he was four he met Iris, an Irish girl who would later turn out to be his very best friend.

 They were inseparable and saw each other through so many hardships, their families even becoming very close and Iris’ father and Carlos’ mother even grew closer as well. 

Carlos lived a pretty basic childhood if you asked hi. He picked up music from a very young age as a way to stay connected to his Cuban roots, learning the guitar, piano and how to sing. He could never get lessons because his mother was working three jobs to support five children ( his two oldest sisters also had part-time jobs while attending high school ) so he would never even consider asking. He considered it a blessing when he got his acoustic for his fourteenth birthday, crying when his mom told him she’d been saving up for it since he was ten and she saw him dancing around the living room strumming an air guitar to some of his favorite songs. He hugged his mom and promised to keep it safe and loved ( which he has, he still owns it to this day though it’s age is beginning to show a bit he’s never let any harm come to it ) 

When he entered high school is when things got, complicated. He was still a pretty average guy, he loved comics and videogames and anime, he joined band and theater as a stage tech. There he found his other calling, production. Turns out he was just as comfortable behind the stage as he was on it and was a natural leader with keeping things in check and order. Freshman year was also a big change for him because of Iris’ boyfriend, and not ... why you’d think. Or maybe exactly why you’d think cause he’s a giant gay cliche. He ended up being very attracted to the tall, intimidating heterochromatic jock. 

which was, scary. like really really scary because he felt he’d never really been THAT into guys before. Sure he’d thought guys were hot but .. so do most guys right? Yeah no.  Throughout his freshman year, Carlos quickly realized he was more in the middle of the Kinsey scale, finding attraction in men, women and pretty much everyone he met depending on the person. Iris supported him fully in this discovery, though never knowing about his massive crush on her then-boyfriend, and even helped him understand his gender confusion and pick up the non-binary label and they pronouns. 

Which, is why come junior year when Iris is doubting her own sexuality, Carlos had her back and helped her come to realize she was, in fact, a lesbian. Her at the time boyfriend was surprisingly perfectly okay and supportive and stayed close friends with them both which just made Carlos fall even more smitten with the stupid sexy het jock goddamnit. 

Enough about his highschool pining drama, Carlos graduated with honors and worked his ass off to get a full-ride scholarship to a moderately known performing arts school where he honed his skills both behind and on the stage as a performer for years. Graduating with a degree in music production with a minor in stage management. 

With the support of two of his best friends he launched himself into the world and was, immediately exhausted and sad. Playing bar after underpaying bar, working low pay low appreciation stage tech and management jobs he was almost ready to quit the music industry entirely were it not for his sisters and Iris especially. Eventually, Iris ex saw an advertisement saying bloomfest was looking for new stage crew and tried to convince Carlos to go saying this would be good for him and help him find a place where his talent and craft are truly appreciated. 

After talking it over with Iris, his mom, his sisters he found they all agreed and said he should go so, taking a chance his basic ass never thought he would he packed up his bags and moved to bloomfest as a permanent resident and employee. While he hasn’t been there long he’s made a name for himself as a reliable tech who will go above and beyond to get what you need and get it done even if he’s a bit grumpy about it. While his official job is dealing with stage tech, he spreads himself wherever he is needed in bloomfest and can often be found doing many odd jobs around in bizarre places. It’s just the kind of person he is. Helpful to a fault. 

Personality: He’s a bit grumpy seeming when you first meet him, but that’s just because of how little sleep the idiot gets. He’s actually an absolute puppy if you don’t upset him. Loyal to a fault, eager to please and always willing to make friends if it’s not getting in the way of his work. He’s a bit more, bitter towards musicians at Bloom fest simply because he’s jealous, and a bit sick of catering to the needs of over specific spoiled musicians and recieving no credit for his hard work or even a thank you. Don’t take it personal, if you have a good additude he’s likely to warm up fast. He’s always down to play flirt or real flirt really, he’s a fuckign flirt of flirts nobody is safe ( unless they say like hey im uncomfortable don’t do that then of course he’d stop but you get the idea ) He’s got a passion for music and creative arts, and a special love for comics, videogames and anime. Due to his oral fixation you’ll often see him with hard candy or gum or his batman shaped chewey necklace! He’s also FIERCELY protective of women so watch out for that cause he can and will punch you.

Strengths: Loyal, skilled, charming, kind, creative, hard working.

Weaknesses: Too trusting, quick to solving things on his own without thinking, stretches himself too thin, kinda snippy at times, closed off to really falling in love due to emotional traumas from his past, 

[starryeyed-char]

Secrets

This is a (decently long, sorry for the lack of writing these past few days) one-shot for the below prompt! It... didn’t turn out exactly like the ask, but I hope you like it anyway! I’ve been wanting to try writing trans!lance for a while because I absolutely love that hc, and I really enjoyed writing this, so let me know if you guys like it, because I could definitely see myself doing another fic with it.

Trans! Lance where an asshole alien keeps miss gendering Lance and being transphobic and he starts to get upset and then the team overhears this happening and are about to kick the aliens ass.

I tried to make it gen... but it ended up being very klance, especially at the end... so uh... I hope you like it anyway! Sorry this always happens when I try to write gen fics.

Only half the team knew.

Contrary to their belief, Lance was actually an expert secret keeper. With a large family like his, he had to know when to keep his mouth shut. So, despite the loud, obnoxious, open persona he displayed for the others, he could also be sneaky.

He'd the had practice of years sneaking out of the Garrison, or even his house when he was little to go see the beach at night with his siblings.

So, keeping a secret on an unbelievably large castle ship with only six other people on it was easy.

Or at least, it should've been.

Admittedly, Lance managed to hide lots of stuff from his fellow team members. Little injuries he didn't want to worry them with, the thoughts piled up in his head that would just upset them if they knew, things like that.

This secret, however, was a bit more difficult to hide. Still, he managed for a while.

Lance had told Hunk, of course, back at the Garrison. They'd been roommates, after all, and he knew the other would find out pretty quickly. In order to avoid all the questions that would be asked the first time Hunk inevitably walked in while Lance wasn't wearing a binder, he told him the very first day.

Hunk was incredibly supportive, promising he didn't care. Lance was also extremely grateful that he agreed to keep it a secret from the teachers, despite that hiding even something small stressed the boy out.

Because Lance's mother had lied on his application forms. As far as the Garrison knew, he was just a regular, cis, heterosexual boy. Lance was extremely relieved by this, since the Garrison didn't really have the best reputation for being LGBTQ+ friendly, and Iverson tormented him enough with the material he had.

On their second day in space, Hunk had told Lance that he should probably tell everyone else, but Lance couldn't bring himself to. Hunk respected his choice, and told Lance that he'd never tell them, but they both knew the rest of the team would figure it out eventually.

Still, it was nice, not having them look at him differently.

Lance didn't particularly want to tell Pidge, but he ended up having to anyway, through no fault of his own.

It wasn't as if Lance had planned to be stuck in space for who knows how long. He hadn't exactly packed a bag. Hell, he only had one Earth outfit with him. He considered himself lucky he'd been wearing his binder.

When the telltale cramps arrived, Lance knew he was screwed. He'd searched the infirmary before, but came up empty. No pads or tampons anywhere in sight.

So, he knocked on Pidge's door, a bundle of nerves. Allura was the alternative choice, though, and he wasn't sure if being transgender was a thing for Alteans. Or if they even had periods.

Pidge opened the door, glaring at him. “What do you want?”

“What do you do when you get your period?” The words came out in a rush, and Lance clapped his hands over his mouth afterward.

Pidge stared at him for a moment, before going to slam the door in his face.

“No! No, Pidge wait!” He wedged his foot in the door, and she scowled. “It's... uh, it's really important.”

“Lance, it's kind of rude to be asking me this,” she informed him. “And why the fuck do you even want to know?”

He took a deep breath. “Because... oh man. I'm... trans. And I need pads. Like, right now. Please, just help me out here?”

Her expression changed in a second. “You're...? Woah. Um.” She was completely at a loss for words. “This better not be one of your jokes—”

“If you want me to prove it, I will, but I'd really like to avoid that and just get some pads, thank you.”

She held up her hands, and retreated into the room. “Nope. No proving necessary, Lance, I trust you. Just come to me whenever you need more,” She returned, handing him a box of pads. “Allura gives them to me. No idea where she gets them.”

“You're... not going to ask anything else about it? Like why I kept it a secret?”

Pidge snorted. “Lance, you thought I was a boy for the first year I knew you. I'm sure you had your reasons for keeping it from the team, but it doesn't matter to me. You're still the idiot I know and love.”

Lance could barely contain his sigh of relief. “Thanks, Pidge.”

She nodded, eyes still surveying him. Calculating. “Anytime. Hunk knows, doesn't he?”

Lance nodded sheepishly. “Ever since the Garrison.”

“Figures,” Pidge scoffed.

Coran knew before Pidge, technically speaking, but it wasn't until Lance was returning from Pidge's room, several months later, with a box of pads that Lance learned this.

He stammered for a few seconds, hiding the box behind his back and managing to say, “I can explain!”

Coran smiled at him softly, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “I've known for some time,” he told Lance. “Found out in the scans from the pod, when Sendak bombed the castle. I was confused at first, but I've known Alteans who are the same. I'm not sure what they call it in your language.”

“Oh! Uh, transgender.” Lance was failing to keep a small smile off his own face.

“Transgender,” Coran echoed, as if testing the word. He smiled again. “Well, my boy, your secret's always safe with me. But I'm sure if and when you decide to tell the others, they'll support you, too.”

“Thanks, Coran,” Lance started back towards his room, but the older man called out to him again.

“Oh, one more thing. I decided I'd ask you when you decided to tell me, but now's as good a time as any. I believe we have some sort of shot in the infirmary that transitioning Alteans would use over time? I'd have to test it to see if it's compatible with human DNA, but if you'd like me to search for it in the infirmary for you, I can.”

Lance hugged him.

He knew keeping the others in the dark couldn't possibly last, but Lance was working up the courage. Slowly, but surely. He figured he'd tell Allura next, as they'd gotten much closer following the lion switch.

But, as it turned out, the universe hated Lance, so of course something like this had to happen.

It was a diplomatic meeting, nothing stressful. They were attending a feast on a planet of aliens they'd just saved, Netilia. The Netilians were very short, stout, and almost entirely covered in fur. Pidge had decided to refer to them as 'less cute Ewoks', which had Hunk and Lance stifling laughter.

A Netilian servant and their King came to the castle, bringing the traditional garments that they were instructed to wear to the feast, as was custom for visitors on their planet.

They brought four that looked like a strange kind of suit. And three dresses.

“Excuse me, but why did you bring three dresses?” Allura asked, looking at the clothes in confusion. “We only require two.”

“It is customary for all females to wear dresses to ceremonies in our culture. I'd hoped the three of you wouldn't mind,” the leader explained. Allura just looked at the rest of the team, bewildered.

“We only have two girls on this team,” Pidge said slowly.

Hunk had placed a hand on Lance's shoulder, but he shrugged it off, forcing a laugh. “Guess you really should get a haircut, Keith. Your hair is so long, they think you're a girl!”

Keith scowled, probably all set with some witty comeback. But he never got to say it.

“The third female in the group is... you, is it not?” the alien asked, looking directly at Lance. The blue paladin fidgeted nervously, taking several steps backward. “Forgive me, but there is a subtle different in how genders naturally smell, detectable by my people's enhanced senses. We brought this dress for you, miss.”

Lance took another step back. He shook his head. “No, I'm... I'm not a girl. My name is Lance, I pilot the red lion.”

“Leave him alone,” Pidge's voice was like venom, and it stopped Keith in his tracks, about to ask what the hell was going on. “Just give him a damn suit already.”

“What... what the green paladin means to say is, this little misunderstanding can be easily cleared up if you'll replace the extra dress with the male attire,” Coran suggested, looking back at Lance nervously.

Hunk had an arm around Lance's shoulders now, and he was glaring at the aliens, but didn't speak.

“This is... odd,” Allura began, unsure of what to say. “But I can assure you, there must be some mistake. Lance is a boy.”

“Yeah, no doubt about that,” Keith seconded. “Have you ever seen the guy when around girls?”

Shiro nodded in agreement, looking slightly amused by the whole thing. “This must be a joke right? To break the diplomatic ice, so to speak?”

The alien shook his head, now glaring up at Lance. “Why would you lie to your team?” he asked, with a frown. “Voltron is the protector of the universe. To think that a paladin, a defender of the innocent, would lie about such a thing shows how untrustworthy you clearly are! Even now, when proven, you claim innocence.”

“I'm not lying!” Lance insisted. He was starting to tremble. “I'm not a girl! You've... you've got it wrong. Please, just... leave me alone!”

“Someone shut this alien up,” Pidge growled. "Or I am going to attack him. Diplomatic relations be damned."

“I'm not sure I'm comfortable having an alliance with someone who would lie about her identity on the team,” the Netilian leader declared. “She should probably be removed from her post as paladin as soon as possible, or Netilia will not join the confederation.”

Lance looked like he was going to be sick. “I.... I have to go,” he managed to get out, before dashing off in the direction of his room.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

“What the hell just happened?” Keith demanded, looking around at all of them. The second his eyes landed on Hunk, the yellow paladin jumped.

“Hunk, if you know something you have to tell us,” Shiro ordered. “This is supposed to be a team. What's going on?”

Hunk shifted from foot to foot, clearly very uncomfortable. “I'm sorry Shiro, but before I was a paladin, I was Lance's friend. And I made him a promise, and I'm going to keep it. You'll have to ask him yourself.” With that said, he ran after Lance.

“Your friend is not a 'him',” the alien said, impatiently. “I don't see why you choose to ignore what I'm telling you about her.”

“Get him off of the castle,” Pidge said through gritted teeth. “Before I beat the shit out of him for what he just did to Lance.”

“Now, now, Pidge,” Coran held up his hands in a peace-making gesture. Though he, too, kept casting worried glances toward the blue paladin's room. “He obviously didn't know what he was doing.”

“I don't know what's going on, but you have clearly deeply upset one of my paladins, and I cannot stand for that,” Allura fixed the two Netilians with a cold glare. “Please leave my ship. Immediately.”

The second they were gone, Keith whirled on Coran and Pidge. “Would one of you explain what the fuck is going on?”

“Lance is trans.” It came from Shiro, surprisingly, and Pidge's eyes snapped up to him.

“You knew?”

“No, but I had a friend who was at school, back in my Garrison days,” Shiro told them. “Would never have guessed otherwise. I never would've thought... Lance hid it from us all so well.”

“Yeah,” Pidge mumbled under her breath, glaring at the flood. “Lance hides a lot of things.”

“Wait,” Keith interrupted. “So... Lance is...?”

“Keith, because it's you I might cut you some slack. But you better be careful about your lack of social etiquette anyway, because this is Lance we're talking about,” Pidge deadpanned. “And yes. Lance is trans.”

Keith's eyes widened with realization, followed by fury. “Allura, lower the particle barrier. I'm going to go talk with that alien.”

Allura was half way to the control panel before Coran stopped her. “This will only cause more conflict. I think it's most important to worry about poor Lance right now, don't you? I'm sure he didn't want the three of you to find out this way.”

“Three of us?” Shiro asked. “Coran, you knew too?”

“Cryropod scans.”

“I didn't know until after Coran, technically,” Pidge piped up. “Hunk found out at the Garrison, but Lance needed... me, and he told me. Here. In space.”

“What'd he need you for?” Keith asked, completely oblivious.

Pidge stared at him blankly, clearly surprised that one person could be so clueless. “Pads, Keith. He needed pads.”

Keith's face instantly went bright red. “Right. Um... yeah. Of course. Sorry I asked.”

Hunk walked back into the room just then, took one look at all of their expressions, and sighed. “Nice going, Pidge.”

“It's not my fault! Shiro guessed!”

“Is... is he okay?” Keith wondered.

Hunk hesitated. “He's still pretty upset. It's been a while since someone he didn't want to know found out, and so it's been a while since he's been misgendered but... he'll be okay. Lance is tough,” Hunk assured them all, and then looked back at Keith. “He wanted to talk to you. First, at least.”

Keith blanched. “Me?! Why would he want to talk to me? I'm terrible at this stuff!”

“He doesn't want to hear it from me, because he knows I accept him already,” Hunk tells him. “Keith, it's really important to him that you accept him, too.”

“But... why?! When has Lance ever cared what I thought?” Even as Keith said this, a certain conversation came to mind.

Must really be bothering you if you came to talk to me.

Well... you're the team leader now, right?

Hunk smiled sadly. “You'll have to ask him yourself.”

Keith only hesitated for a moment before knocking on the door. He didn't expect Lance to open it almost immediately, as he had never actually been inside the paladin's room before. Still, Lance had practically no boundaries when it came to privacy. Or... at least, he'd thought so, anyway.

Lance stepped aside to let Keith pass, and then immediately took a seat on the bed, leaving Keith to stand awkwardly and observe him. The taller boy had pulled his hood up over his head, and his blue eyes were red rimmed. So Lance had been crying.

That thought alone was enough to make Keith want to storm outside the castle and wring that alien's neck. Lance was supposed to be the cheerful one, always boosting the team's mood with his grins and terrible jokes. The idea of him crying was just... wrong.

“Well?” Lance asked, and Keith jumped.

“Well... what?”

Lance rolled his eyes, but Keith didn't miss him bringing a hand up to rub at them. “Well, where's the long, inspirational leader speech? 'Lance you're still a part of the team, owning up to this will make you a better paladin,' all that sappy bullshit.”

Keith offered him a small smile. “I've never been that good at speeches.”

Lance snorted. “That's an understatement.”

“If you want a speech, Shiro's the person to ask” Keith told him, averting his eyes. “He's the real leader, anyway.”

“I didn't want to talk to Shiro,” Lance said bluntly. “I wanted to talk to you. I don't know why you haven't realized it yet, Keith, but you're a great leader. When you're not making stupid decisions without consulting anyone else, that is. But I think we've grown past that.” And then Lance smiled, and Keith couldn't help but feel a crushing relief.

“Still don't get why you'd want to talk about this with me of all people,” Keith muttered. “We all know I'm the worst at this stuff. Since when have you cared what anyone thought?”

Lance sighed, still smiling, but there was something sad about it. “If you really think that, then you don't know me at all.”

Keith wasn't sure what to say to that.

Lance sighed again, gesturing at the bed beside him. “Are you going to sit, or just stand there? Because you look more uncomfortable than I feel, and it's disconcerting.”

Keith sat next to Lance on the bed, leaving a decent amount of space between them.

“If you think this will change anyone's opinion of you, at all, you're wrong,” Keith said, finally breaking the silence. “And I know you're expecting me to say that, but it's true. Pidge told us all she was a boy! I'm literally part alien Lance. We've been a team for over a year now. This doesn't change who you are to us. You're Lance. Our sharpshooter.” Keith couldn't help the fond smile that came over his face. “Our goofball.”

Lance started, looking back at him. The word didn't feel like an insult.

“Still don't know why you'd want to hear my opinion on the subject, but if someone you hate thinks so highly of you, you can't possibly think the others would disagree, right?” Keith asked, with a small laugh.

“I've never hated you.” The words were out of Lance's mouth before he thought about them. “Honestly, your opinion probably matters... the most, to me.”

Keith was completely at a loss. “What...?”

Lance wouldn't look at him. “Because your name is what I've been measured against ever since the Garrison. Because you're the one person I've been trying to catch up to.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Because... because if I can be on the same level as someone so talented, and smart, and strong, and brave... then I can't be that bad, right?”

“Lance—”

“And I know it's stupid,” Lance waved him off. “I know I should've told you guys, that we aren't supposed to keep secrets. And I feel terrible about it! And I knew that none of you would ever be against it, but... I was still scared, you know, and I just didn't want you to see me differently!"

Keith drew in a slow, steady breath. “I'm gay?” He didn't mean for it to come out as a question.

Lance fell off the bed.

Keith couldn't help it— he burst into laughter as the other stared up at him in shock.

“Jesus christ Keith, you can't just spring that on me out of the blue! What the hell?!” Lance had a hand pressed to his chest, as if the news had nearly made him have a heart attack.

Keith composed himself long enough to reply. “Shiro's the only other person who knows. So no, don't feel bad about keeping it a secret. We keep secrets from each other all the time. You weren't ready to tell us. And it sucks that the alien kind of ruined it, but now we know, and you know there was no reason to be scared.”

Lance smirked, and Keith felt his heart warm. This is the Lance he knew. “You better not be trying to one up my secret.”

“Wha— no, Lance, I was just trying to show you that—”

“Because I'm bi!” Lance declared at the top of his lungs, standing up and planting his hands on his hips. “So, ha! Beat that!”

“I'm literally an alien.”

Lance dismissed him with a wave of his hand. “Wasn't today, doesn't count. I appreciate you confiding in me, but if you think you can steal my secret thunder, then you've got another thing coming.”

“Your secret thunder?”

Lance nodded, still grinning. At least Keith had managed to cheer him up, but this wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind.

“Admit it. I'm the king of keeping secrets.”

Keith wanted to mention that he couldn't be the king of keeping secrets by one-upping everything he told him, but he figured that the Cuban boy wouldn't care. So, instead, Keith wracked his brain for a secret. With anyone else, he would've dropped the subject, but this was Lance.

“I think I might be in love with you?” Keith offered, holding his breath.

He regretted saying it the second it came out of his mouth. Lance's smile instantly disappeared.

“You...?” He trailed off, and Keith stood, starting for the door with an apology on his lips.

But he never reached it.

Because Lance grabbed his arm, yanked him back towards him, and then... they were kissing.

Lance was kissing him.

Keith knew that he and the others had made fun of Lance's flirting numerous times, saying he'd probably never even kissed anyone before. But it was clear that he knew exactly what he was doing.

When they broke apart, Keith was gasping for breath. Lance was smirking at him, a faint blush across his cheeks.

“I still win,” he declared, in a barely audible whisper.

Keith immediately shoved Lance away. “Oh my god, I hate you.”

Lance just kept on grinning. “Oh, really? Cause earlier I could've sworn you said—”

“Just... just... shut up and kiss me!” Keith's voice was practically a shout. He didn't care.

Lance laughed, but he wasn't slow to oblige.

[all-my-novels]

Iris. [SDRA2 Sannohashi oneshot]

read on ao3 here if you please

plot:

and i don’t want the world to see me ‘cause i don’t think that they’d understand when everything’s made to be broken i just want you to know who i am.

syobai hashimoto has to fix the biggest mistake he’s ever made in his life. mikado sannoji has to deal with what syobai leaves behind when he runs away. it was never supposed to go this far.

syobai-focused sannohashi, set in the “nuclear” AU. more explained inside. featuring trans!mikado and sora/syobai friendship. tw for mentions of suicide attempt in the beginning.

notes:

So to make a long story short, this series takes place after a huge nuclear war decimated half of the human population and fucked up a lot of shit with the environment and people’s bodies. Everybody knows shit’s fucked. The SDRA2 kids exist in the same universe as the rest of the canon Ultimates, and everyone’s around the same age (THH and NDRV3 kids are about 22, SDR2 kids are 23, SDRA2 kids are around 20-21). So everyone’s an adult. Don’t come for my throat. Don’t like it, don’t leave a nasty comment, thanks! Bad and stinky comments will be placed inside the bee oven to atone for their sins.

It’s not often that Syobai admits this, but this time, he’s absolutely, completely, royally, fucked up. Badly. And normally he doesn’t care, but this time is so very different. Sitting at a table in a nearly-empty diner at half-past noon is not where he thought he was gonna end up today, but here he is, with his head in his hands, staring down at his phone’s lock screen, counting the minutes since Sora sent her “omw" text.

This diner serves whiskey. A lot of places serve liquor now, have since the war tore the world apart and left millions of traumatized people to deal with the aftermath, many of them turning to alcohol to cope. Syobai has been drinking since the ripe old age of ten, so that’s not new to him, and the whiskey they have here is strong, and it’s tempting.

It’s so, so tempting. But if he does that, it won’t end very well for him; first of all, Sora would likely – definitely – beat his ass into next week if she shows up and finds him drunk. Second, in the state he’s currently in emotionally, if he gets drunk, all he’s going to do is remember things, and when he remembers things, he ends up waking up on the bathroom floor at 3 AM in a puddle of his own tears with a bottle of pain pills in his hand.

So Syobai won’t drink. Not today, anyway. But God damn, does he really want to smoke.

As soon as he starts to get up to go outside (the diner has a no smoking policy, which he thinks is stupid considering the fact that nuclear warfare has done shit to the air they don’t even know about yet, but he’s not willing to get kicked out and risk a beating by Sora yet again), the universe interferes with his life once more. Sora steps in through the door of the diner.

Well there goes that plan.

She spots him fairly quickly and strides over to the booth in the back corner, sliding into the seat like nothing’s changed. Syobai remembers when they’d used to skip class every Wednesday and go down to the diner down the street from Hope’s Peak, the one that served all the crazy Western food, and dare each other to eat the craziest shit on the menu as fast as they could without puking or choking. Sora, of course, would win every time, and "claim her victory for all of the lesbians out there.”

It’s enough to make him smile a little bit. The diner was abandoned when the war started, but they still hang out there sometimes.

“So, you wanna tell me what’s wrong with you?”

Sora’s voice breaks through his thoughts, and Syobai lifts his head to look at her. She’s got her chin in her hand, and her elbow propped on the table.

“Elbows on the table? Not very lady-like,” Syobai jokes. With her free hand, Sora flips him off, and he snickers. “I’m kidding, geez. Who says there’s anything wrong with me?”

Sora points at the complimentary basket of chips the diner serves with every customer. “There’s food on the table, and you haven’t eaten it all yet to spite me. Now, I asked you nicely. Don’t make me come over there.”

Well. Looks like he can’t stall his explanation anymore.

He lets out a long, heavy, slow sigh, and laces his fingers together in front of him on the table. Syobai turns his grey-eyed gaze down towards the surface of the table, before forcing himself to look up and meet Sora’s eyes.

“I need your help,” he says simply. “I fucked up.”

“You do that a lot. Elaborate.”

“I fucked up really, really bad.” Syobai pauses. “With Mikado.”

Sora tilts her head. “Last time I asked, you told me the two of you were "just sleeping together casually.” Did you lie to me, Syobai?“

Syobai swallows heavily. He can hear his heart beating in his ears.

"Mikado is pregnant,” he finally says. The words actually leaving his lips feel like the final blow in a fight, and he’s just lost. “With my children.”

“… oh.” Sora blinks a few times. “So this was an accident, I take it? Whatever happened to high school Syobai Hashimoto who carried five different types of condoms in his wallet at all times just in case he met a hot guy walking home from school?”

“Hey, in my defense, I usually still have condoms.” Yes, they’re a bit harder to find nowadays, as is almost everything, but up until now, he’s always managed to have one on hand for when the two of them start feeling frisky (which tends to happen at least once a day). “To answer your question, though, what happened is Setsuka decided to get hitched.”

“The party,” Sora gasps, remembering suddenly. “Oh, my God. So you two did fuck in the bathroom! Emma owes me five thousand yen.”

“Yes, we did do that,” Syobai mumbles. It’s not totally his fault, he thinks. It’s not like Mikado wasn’t grinding on him half the night, begging him to fuck him as hard as he could against the wall. It’s no doubt the best sex he’s ever had in his life.

And, of course, it’s the one time they fuck without a condom and without pulling out. Not that that’s guaranteed to help anything, but hey, it might have? Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on Syobai’s part.

“So what’s the problem?” Sora continues. “Does he not want the babies?”

Syobai looks away. “I, uh. I don’t know.”

Sora’s eyes narrow dangerously. “You didn’t talk to him about it?”

Syobai gives a dry laugh. “Well, ya see, that’s where the whole ”I fucked up really bad“ bit comes in.”

“What’d you do.” This isn’t spoken as a question, somehow, as Sora’s voice deepens. She’s already pissed off, great, and Syobai has a feeling she won’t be any happier when he tells this part of the story.

“Um.” Syobai swallows again, more nervous this time. “I… I ran off.”

Silence. “Excuse me?” Sora says. “You wanna run that by me again?”

Syobai still isn’t meeting her eyes. He recalls exactly how the exchange went, just about two hours ago now.

“I’m pregnant.”

The world stops turning.

Mikado’s holding his hands over his stomach, gloved fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt so tightly his hands shake. Syobai, on the other hand, just. Stands there. Staring at Mikado, completely speechless.

Before he knows it, his body is reacting all on its own. Syobai opens his mouth, trying to form an intelligent response, but all that comes out is two words he’ll regret deeply:

“I can’t.”

Before Mikado reacts to that, Syobai yanks the front door open and takes off down the street, running and running and running until he can’t, falling to his knees behind the 7-11 – how the hell did he get there, it’s a mile from the house – choking and coughing before he inevitably pukes from the strain of running so far, so fast.

This all goes through his head in the span of about two seconds. “I just stood there like an idiot,” Syobai finally says. “I – I said I can’t and then I ran.” His hand curls into a fist. “I ran like the dumb fucking coward I am.” He brings his fist down on the table as hard as he can. Sora doesn’t jump, instead staring at him evenly. “Go ahead and say it. I know you want to.”

“You’re right for once. What the hell is wrong with you?” Sora snaps. “I know that taking responsibility for your numerous fuck-ups is completely foreign to you, and usually you get away with it with no consequences because that’s just how it is when you deal with people you don’t care about and criminals, and hey, I can let it go when it’s some nameless Yakuza dude who got assassinated with a gun you sold someone 'cause I don’t care either,” she begins. “But then, you turn around and do this shit? To Mikado? To someone we all know, and yeah, he might be a rat, but he doesn’t deserve to be left high and dry and pregnant and scared because you –” And here she points at him, Syobai flinching as every word cuts deeper, “– are a fucking coward. You’re God damn right you screwed up.”

“I was scared,” Syobai says, his weak attempt at a protest surprising even himself.

“You were scared?” Sora laughs, and it’s bitter. “That’s funny. It’s funny that you were scared. How do you think Mikado feels right now? Alone, facing the possibility of having to raise more than one child by himself after the man he’s spent half of high school madly in love with, and the man he’s been sleeping with for the past six months, ran away when he told him he’d gotten him pregnant?”

There’s really nothing he can say to that. Syobai sighs shakily. “I wasn’t just scared because he’s pregnant,” he finally says. “I was scared because…”

He shuts his eyes.

“Because I love him. I love him, so much that it hurts, and I may as well have just stabbed him right in the chest.”

“And you’re not used to that,” Sora says. “You’re not used to caring for anyone except yourself. But as long as you kept telling yourself it was just for fun, and there were no feelings involved, you could shrug it off. Maybe a part of you thought Mikado felt the same way, like it was just a game. Then he started to make your world wider, you started to get comfortable with it, and you got scared. Then he came to you, and told you that it wasn’t just him anymore, and you panicked. You couldn’t handle it. But instead of staying there and talking to him about it like an adult, you were just cryptic, and then you ran away.”

Syobai opens his eyes and looks over at Sora. He somehow looks even older than he usually does. “Yeah. Yeah, you got me there.” He swallows, heavily, and his mouth tastes like copper from how hard he’s been chewing on his inner lip. “It was just supposed to be for fun. It was never supposed to be serious.”

“Yeah, well, tough shit,” Sora shrugs. “Mikado’s pregnant. You’re gonna be a dad. You could run all the way to America and it wouldn’t change a thing. The only difference is, Mikado has to live with what you gave him forever. You’ve got two choices: you can drag your sorry ass home and show Mikado you’re sorry, or you can keep running away. But, I’ll have you know…” And here, Sora’s voice darkens, and she looks more dangerous now than she ever did before even with a gun in her hands, “If you leave him like that? And if you ever run away from him like that again? And dare to show your face in Japan again? I will personally hunt you down and make you beg for me to kill you. Understand?”

“… yeah. I understand,” Syobai replies. He runs a hand through his hair while Sora takes a couple of breaths to calm herself down. “I don’t want to leave him. But I don’t think I’m ready to be a father. Or much of anything, really.” He looks down at his hands, rough and calloused and forever stained with the blood of so many that only he can see. “What if I can’t love them?”

“If you love Mikado as much as you say you do, you’ll fall in love with those babies way before they’re ever born,” Sora tells him. “Listen. This world’s gone to shit. It’s gonna be hard to raise a family like this. That’s why Yoruko and I are waiting. But it’s a little too late for you to do that, so all you can do is suck it up and do everything you can to make sure they never have to be a part of what we were.”

Sora’s words seal Syobai’s decision.

—

He tries calling Mikado to tell him he’s coming home for an hour, and gets absolutely no response. A part of Syobai is worried, desperately hoping Mikado didn’t do something stupid and end up hurting himself, and wants to get home as soon as he can, but…

The other part of him feels like if he just shows up at home with no warning, it’ll only make the situation that much worse.

So he calls, and calls, and calls, and gets sent to voicemail over and over, until finally, there’s an answer.

“Fucking Syobai Hashimoto,” a voice that is decidedly not Mikado’s comes through the speaker. “I ought to skin you alive and wear you like a fur coat. How dare you.”

Syobai sighs and frowns, rubs a hand over his face. “Hello, Nikei.”

“Don’t you hello, Nikei me!” The furious man spits over the phone. “Ever since Mikado told me you two were a thing, I’ve been looking for a reason to shoot you and make Why Syobai Hashimoto’s Death Should be Celebrated as a National Holiday an article on the front page news for a month straight! Now I finally get a reason and I can’t even do it because Mikado wants his kids to know their scumbag father!”

Syobai pauses. “… he wants me to come back?”

“I want you to come back, too,” Nikei starts to say. “So I can beat you to death with a baseball bat.” It sounds like he wants to say more, but then Syobai hears a very quiet, muffled voice in the background. It has to be Mikado. He strains to hear, but it’s no use, because the phone doesn’t pick up exactly what he’s saying. A few seconds later, though, he hears Nikei give a heavy sigh.

“Alright, fine. Mikado wants to hear you out, so I won’t be here when you get back, sadly,” Nikei mutters. “But I can be there in ten minutes tops if he calls me back, and I’d love to see you try to outrun my bullets.”

“Point taken.” Syobai closes his eyes and lets out a slow breath. “Tell him to leave the door unlocked. I’m coming home.”

—

It takes a little under an hour for Syobai to get home. He has to walk all the way there, after all, and he’s already tired, but he pushes through. By the time he makes it to the driveway, it feels like his legs are about to fall off.

Then he gets to the front door, puts his hand on the doorknob, and hesitates. It’s like all of the exhaustion evaporates, replaced by pure adrenaline and the urge to turn around and start running again.

No. He’s made up his mind. Syobai closes his eyes, the mental image of Mikado laughing brightly in his arms appearing to him with no trouble at all, without him even needing to think about it.

God. All the things he would do to make that smile come back to Mikado’s face. All the things he would do to forget the look of heartbreak he saw for just a split second when they were standing in the living room.

He turns the doorknob and walks inside the empty living room. His feet land in the same place they were, and he lets the door close behind him as he takes a few shallow breaths. The nagging little voice in the back of his head says you should’ve ended this a long time ago, Hashimoto. You always knew you’d never be man enough for him, to protect him, to care for him. You’re just a coward.

Syobai ignores it, pushes through the pain and walks over to the door of the bedroom he and Mikado have been sharing. Technically, it’s Syobai’s room, because this is his house, but his sheets smell like Mikado, and it’s his and Mikado’s clothes on the floor in that room, and there’s a picture of both of them hanging on the wall.

Syobai bites his lip so hard he tastes blood, then knocks three times on the door. He contemplates saying something to announce his presence, but finds it better to keep his mouth shut for right now.

At least, until the door opens up, and it’s Mikado standing before him, with no mask, his face clearly streaked and stained with tears. Syobai forces himself to look at his face, look him in the eyes, because Mikado deserves that, at least. He deserves so much more than what Syobai’s given him.

Neither of them really knows what to say at first. Then Syobai takes a shuddering, shallow breath.

“I’m sorry, for what I said,” Syobai finally says. “I said ”I can’t.“ That was a lie. I - I can, I just… didn’t want to face it.”

“I really hope you didn’t come all the way here just to say I’m sorry and expect me to forgive you,” Mikado says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Syobai shakes his head. “I’m not asking you to forgive me right now,” he murmurs. “I just want you to hear me out. Then you can do whatever you want. I swear. Please.”

Mikado bites his lip and looks down at the floor, contemplating. “Fine. But I’m not doing this for you.”

“That’s okay.” Syobai closes his eyes for a moment, then looks back evenly at Mikado as he slowly gets to his knees, now looking up at him. Mikado doesn’t hide the look of shock on his face as Syobai starts talking.

“Listen. I’m not gonna make excuses. I’m a coward, and I’m a fool. I broke your heart. When things go beyond my intentions, I try to own up to them. Today I ran away instead.” He swallows heavily, watches as Mikado shuts his eyes tight. “I - until you told me this morning, I was a man with nothing to lose. Nobody but myself. Then I went from that, to having everything to lose in two words. All my life, I never cared about what happened to anybody but myself. I didn’t give a shit. And now…” He looks at Mikado’s stomach, where he’s resting one of his gloved hands, as though he isn’t even thinking about it.

“I realized no matter how far I ran, or for how long, I’d never be able to forget that. I couldn’t change it. I can’t go back in time and stop what happened.” Syobai sighs. Mikado’s hands tremble. “The more I thought about it, the more I realized: I don’t want to stop what happened. I don’t want these kids to not exist.”

“Then why did you run away? Why’d you leave me?” Mikado chokes out.

There’s no turning back now. Syobai looks at Mikado right in the eyes, grey meeting pale brown, Syobai finally ready to say the words that could make or break him.

“Because I love you, Mikado Sannoji,” Syobai says, clearly, sincerely, the only words that have ever come from his mouth with complete purity. “I love you, and it’s real and it’s raw and it scares the living hell out of me, because I didn’t think I could until you walked into my life.” He reaches out, fully ready for Mikado to push him away. Instead, he’s pleasantly surprised when his cold hands are wrapped in Mikado’s warm ones. He hasn’t looked away from him, not for a moment, watching as more tears spill down Mikado’s face despite him trying to fight them. “I got through life by putting up paywalls, literally, and I knew no person in their right mind would ever wanna get past them.” He gives a little laugh. “I didn’t count on you, coming in and blowing holes through them.”

“Hey, I only blew a hole in a wall once, and that was an accident,” Mikado laughs and cries at the same time, his body trembling. By now, Syobai’s shaking too, but he’s still fighting his own tears.

“Well, you sure got rid of mine,” Syobai says. He lifts one of his hands to his lips and kisses his knuckles. “To be honest, I’m still scared. I don’t know what I’m doing, not with you, not with the kids we made, not with my life, but I do know one thing: I wanna figure it out with you, and nobody else.”

His voice cracks. Syobai swallows heavily, one last ditch-effort attempt at holding back his emotions.

“Will you let me stay here, right here, by your side?” Syobai asks, voice strained. “Will you let me become the man you deserve?” He sniffs, his last words coming in a quiet sob:

“Will you let me be a father?”

Mikado nods, squeezes Syobai’s hands, his decision made as soon as he sees the tears – so very real, undeniable evidence of Syobai bearing his soul to Mikado for the first time – coming down his face like rain.

“Yeah. Yes, let’s do it,” Mikado whispers. “Oh, my God. We’re gonna be fathers.”

Syobai leans forward a little, rests his head against Mikado’s belly, presses their still interlocked hands against the small, barely-noticeable swell, evidence that their children are safe, growing, and healthy. He doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t need to, as he rolls up the bottom of Mikado’s shirt and kisses his skin, so gently he’s afraid he imagined it at first.

Syobai Hashimoto doesn’t so much fall in love with Mikado Sannoji; instead, rather, he stumbles into it, clumsy and foolish and with no grace at all. But he falls in love with their little ones in a split second, a moment in time he’ll never forget.