#anyways enjoy this niche thing ok bye

[smoshmonker]

keep your eyes on me

prince ian & knight anthony tears of the kingdom au

words: 1360

based off of this

--

Screaming pain traveled up his arm, snaked in red and black like a grotesque tattoo. He could barely hear over the sound of crumbling rock, and with each moment that passed, the pain grew stronger. Falling to his knees, he gripped his bicep tightly, hoping for any kind of relief.

“Anthony! Are you -?”

The sound of crumbling rock grew louder. A startled yelp followed it, and Anthony turned over his shoulder just in time to see the prince begin falling into the large chasm that had just been created.

Anthony didn’t think. His legs sprung him forward into the chasm after him, his injured arm reaching out toward Ian’s outstretched hand. Just a little closer, and they’d be okay. Just a little closer. As long as they were together, they would be okay. They could do anything.

He missed.

A pained gasp escaped his lungs as Ian fell, further and further into the darkness before being engulfed in a bright, golden light. He disappeared.

That was the last thing he remembered before despair and darkness consumed him.

***

Anthony opened his eyes slowly, realizing he was floating.

Green and blue clouds circled around him like a warm embrace. Chancing a glance downward, he caught sight of a beautiful white dragon, shimmering blue scales adorning the gold spikes along its back. To anyone else, this was the sunlight dragon. To him, though, this was his best friend.

Before he could think about it again, his arm - Rauru’s arm - began glowing, shaking, begging him to move it. Bewildered, he complied, lifting it upward. Wisps of light began pouring downward, landing inconspicuously onto the dragon’s mane. Soon enough, the ghostly forms of Rauru and Sonia placed their hands gently over his own, and the golden wisps became a golden beam of light, engulfing the dragon completely. It soon got too bright for Anthony to look. He squeezed his eyes shut until the white behind them disappeared.

Rauru and Sonia’s hands left his own. He opened his eyes. In place of the dragon floated an unconscious Ian, haloed in a bright light. He wore a white tunic adorned with emerald and rust-colored Zonai runes, a gold stone around his neck. The long hair that usually covered his eyes moved gently with the breeze.

Anthony’s mind raced, but none of his thoughts were coherent - least of all about his arm returning to normal. Glancing over his shoulder, he watched the ghosts take each other’s hands, slowly dissipating into wisps together.

The breeze grew stronger around him as he felt gravity begin to take hold again. His eyes fell closed, feeling himself move backward, floating on air, his unasked questions and thoughts dissipating into wisps too.

His eyes shot open with a loud gasp. He was falling, wind whipping at his bare torso and hair. As he looked around at the sky, bathed in the light of the setting sun, his first and only thought was -

He gasped again. Below him, several feet below, Ian was falling. Anthony took in a shallow breath, not bothering to think again as he dove through the air to catch up. He couldn’t, wouldn’t make the same mistake again. As he reached toward Ian’s hand, an updraft took him upward, keeping them apart.

“Anthony…?!”

Just barely heard above the wind, there was Ian, conscious and absolutely terrified. He immediately slapped his hands over his eyes tightly. Anthony knew he had a fear of heights,  and this was not going to help.

Letting out a frustrated grunt, Anthony began diving again, closer and closer.

“Everything's gonna be okay!” he shouted, though he wasn’t sure if Ian could hear. If he did, he didn’t respond. It made Anthony want to move faster. He needed to close this gap. “Just give me your hand!”

Ian didn’t respond. His chest was heaving, his hands over his eyes so tight that Anthony noticed they were white with the pressure. He was panicking, and Anthony couldn’t blame him.

Now they were only a few feet apart. He tried again. “Ian. Look at me.” He didn’t have to shout to be heard anymore. He kept his voice gentle, and Ian pulled shaky hands away from his eyes after a moment. He looked up, the most scared Anthony had ever seen him, and he knew he had to be strong for the both of them right now. “Give me your hand, man! I got you. I promise.”

Watery blue eyes met determined brown, and Ian reached up after what seemed like barely any thought. Anthony reached down, further and further until they grasped each other’s wrists. Ian’s grip was like iron, but so was Anthony’s. Glancing down, he noticed they were fast approaching land, thankfully above a large body of water.

“Keep your eyes on me, Ian. Don’t look down.”

Ian nodded as Anthony pulled him closer, turning them both so that their heads faced the water.

They looked at each other, a sense of familiarity and comfort between them, taking each other in for the first time in what felt like years. They stared until they couldn’t anymore, interrupted by a loud splash and water traveling up their noses. Anthony didn’t dare let go of Ian’s wrist.

They swam up to the surface at the same time, filling their lungs with fresh air. Once Anthony could see Ian’s head above water, he let go of his wrist, and they both just stayed there, treading water for a moment, perhaps processing the fact that they were alive. 

“C’mon.”

Once they reached land, Ian crawled into the grass and flopped onto his back, his chest still heaving. Water clung to his hair and clothes, making his face shine in the waning sunlight. Anthony slowly walked over, laying down beside him. The breeze ruffled the grass and nearby flowers as Ian spoke.

“...Hey, um. Thanks. For that.”

“You’re welcome. Sorry it took so long.”

Blowing out a quiet breath, Ian looked anywhere other than his companion. “I really thought we were gonna die.”

An awkward silence fell between them. Anthony sighed softly. “I was scared, too. You don’t have to be embarrassed about it, man.”

Ian opened his mouth to respond, possibly to retort, but the words died in his mouth. It had been obvious how scared he was. Deciding to drop the subject, he picked up fistfuls of grass, opening his hand to let them flutter back to the ground. Suddenly, Ian sat up abruptly. “Wait!” There was a wild look in his eyes as he stared at Anthony, who slowly sat up. “You have the sword. So it worked! Then…why…” He glanced down at his hand, his brows furrowing.

“I don’t really get it, either,” he answered, slightly unsure. “But we can thank your ancestors for bringing you back.”

Ian looked up, and they locked eyes again. There were lots of things unanswered, but for now he nodded, laying back in the grass again. Anthony followed suit.

The silence that followed was a little less awkward. Anthony glanced over at him, at his best friend, the friend that he thought he had lost forever, and had to force himself to remember to breathe. Ian glanced over, too, a confused smile pulling at his lips.

“What, dude?”

There were a lot of things he could say. A lot of things he should say; about how much he cared about him, about how terrified and sad he had been knowing what Ian had done, what he’d sacrificed to get the sword restored, about how much Anthony had cried for him. 

Instead, he let himself smile mischievously. “I can’t believe you risked your life. For me. You must really love me.”

An embarrassed blush rose to the prince’s cheeks. “What?! It wasn’t for you, douchebag! It was to save Hyrule!”

“Since when have you cared about Hyrule that much?”

“Since I became the only one left of the royal family. Dick,” he insisted angrily, but his voice wavered slightly and his cheeks were still pink.

Anthony grinned, but decided to give him some grace. “Well, it was pretty cool of you. And dragons are badass. You should have seen what you looked like.”

Seemingly relieved, Ian smiled slightly. “I’ll have to take your word for it. But if you think I was badass, then I must have been. More badass than the Demon King, right?”

“Dude, way more badass.”

Pleased by that answer, Ian’s smile grew and he turned to look up at the sky. Anthony did, too, and for the first time in weeks, he felt at home.

[zootzbootz]

PLEASE JOIN OUR PLURAL FRIENDLY ROLEPLAY SERVER

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our blog isn't aesthetic so our pinned shouldn't be either 🥴🥴

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okay moving on. even though we think they're lowkey silly.

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subject to change.

before you interact.

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okay bye byeee

[a-random-whovian7]

OK, kind of a long, unprovoked, incoherent ramble here, but I'm kind of sick about how gatekeepy this fandom has become in regards to RTD and Tennant. It seems that in some circles it's become the fashionable new thing to dunk on Ten's era as 'overrated' and 'not as good as you think', which is honestly kind of embarrassing given how it makes the fanbase look.

I understand that some of these criticisms are a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to the horrible deal that Jodie had in her era, where the BBC leant excessively into nostalgia for 10's era in order to cover up the shortcomings of the material. That I completely understand, and had a bit of a rant about on this post here:

but that was mostly aimed at the BBC, as RTD and Tennant didn't properly come into the picture until 2021. I also get that there are some people concerned that RTD will just be leaning into nostalgia, although it looks like S14 will genuinely be a fresh new start that uses the returning faces of the 60th as a launching pad for new ideas and stories.

The point I'm trying to make though is that to immediately start dunking on an era and trying to discredit everything about it before it has even began is the exact same mistake that gave the Whittaker era such an uphill struggle before it began. By getting all gatekeepy and wanting to immediately rail against the new RTD era before it even begins, we risk looking like the same stuck-up, cult-like fanbase and thus dragging the fandom and the show as an extension down in people's eyes. Whilst thankfully we haven't seen a repeat of the blatant sexism/homophobia that plagued the casting announcement of Whittaker (and we'd better not), we are seeing the same 'fussy watcher' attitude that was adopted by sections of the fanbase, only this time they're trying to weaponise the past in a slightly different manner.

As I want to reiterate, I completely get some of the concerns driving this. Was the RTD era perfect? No, it wasn't. RTD is my favourite showrunner, but even then I'm not going to deny the existence of the Absorbaloff or blindly believe that everything will be brilliant. But you'd be pretty hard pressed to find an era of the show that is perfect. The fact is that this era was insanely popular, and arguably still is, as Tennant returning has already generated more public interest in the show than it has enjoyed since 2019, and gatekeeping and trying to push away people on the grounds of our petty attempts to keep the fanbase niche or trying to prove that one Doctor is better than the other might result in us pushing away the next generation of fans. We'd also be doing Ncuti a disservice, as we'd be shooting his era in the leg by doing that too, despite all the promising developments and news from S14's production.

So yeah. Hope I've made my point ok enough, I'm running on nothing but sugar and nervous energy. Basically

except not really, please be concerned for the show and be critical, but stop trying to drag down past eras or future seasons before they come out.

Anyway, rant over. Bye. *drops mic and passes out*

[nagito-kissmaeda]

Alright, I so badly want to send this on anon because haha anxiety go brrr, but I just want to show my appreciation without hiding I suppose.

So, the first thing I ever read from you was the first chapter of A Lapse in Judgment on ao3 a few weeks ago (or probably a month ago, I'm not good at keeping up with dates and time lmao) when I was getting back into Danganronpa and reading lots of fics because they're very good. Anyways, I just have to say that the reader being the ultimate empath??? It sounds like such a good and unique ultimate! While I was reading, I could feel myself get so immersed into the plot/storyline and that other good stuff because of how well written it was! Honestly, it was so good!!! I really cannot express how much I loved reading it uwu

So when I discovered you here on tumblr and found out there was more than one chapter of A Lapse in Judgment, I kind of just went wild and read through all the current chapters you have (all the way to the fifth chapter I believe?) and man. . . the writing. The use of words. The way I got hooked immediately surprises me a lot! Makes me wanna read through all the chapters again to be honest since it's just that good, you know?

But yeah, I just wanted to say all this. And your other works are very amazing and immaculate as well??? Like, pls spare talent *grabby hands* sorry if this all sounds terrible or is just a bunch of gibberish lmao bHEIWK3K7-

Anyways, that's all. I really don't know how to end this since I'm just. . . awkward, especially when I speak to the people I look up to and admire so much, but like I said, yeah! Continue being your awesome self!!! And I hope you're doing well, dearest! Don't forget to eat, stay hydrated, and take breaks when you need to! And, and euwjwsiwj have a great day too!!! 💗

Also, one last thing: that sex on the beach with Nagito that you posted a couple hours ago or so was *chef's kiss* bJWRIWO2K OK BYE NOW I DON'T WANT TO EMBARRASS MYSELF ANY FURTHER 😭

Sorry this took so long for me to answer, but this was so long and heartfelt so i didn't want to half ass my reply ���� I am so so so happy that you've been enjoying a Lapse in Judgement, i dont talk about it heaps, but i've worked really hard on that one and it's kind of like, my baby? I know it isnt as fun to read as a lot of my oneshots so i understand that is doesnt get heaps of attention, but like, it means so much to me when people tell me that they have been enjoying it. It was my first fic in the tag and i am getting close to finishing it now, but it feels like it's been carrying me this whole way through if that makes sense? Also, im so stoked that you like the Ultimate Empath, i think it's a really interesting talent to play around with in fic and ive been really loving the chance to explore what Nagito's emotional state is like on a deeper level through their talent, it's fun! I feel a little bad though, cause ultimate empath has always been the talent that i would give myself if i was in danganronpa, but like, i've already used it now so it feels like im stealing from the reader character asahfjsasha Thank you for your reminders to take care of myself. I am very bad at doing that, left to my own devices i just forget to eat all the time, so this means a lot to me. I'm so honoured that you took the time to send me this wonderful ask, and i am still baffled that people enjoy my work as much as they do, im just having fun in my little niche, but im happy that so many folks are in here with me haha. thank you again 💞🍀🍀

[consiouslycohsee]

brain explosion #1

I recently attended a talk from a BBC employee who discussed career opportunities within the BBC. This was extremely inspiring and lead to me wanting to start a blog. I think I may upload every month with a recap of the month, my feelings, etc. This also could be apart of the content creation process which is needed for the job. Having my own content for university is one thing, but it is not enough – I need to have my own creations from my free time.

I am not going to plan anything at the moment I am just going to write and see what comes out. Maybe I will post this somewhere, or maybe I wont? I don’t know. I need to create my own stuff but I don’t know what, I’m not really passionate about something at the moment. I could help with my mums Instagram about Puglia, but maybe that’s too much of a niche market, but what else is there? I need a hobby, I need a passion. But what?

The only thing that’s keeping my busy these days is university, which I forget about as soon as the lesson has ended, and binging Netflix. I am trying to distract myself constantly so I don’t acquire any thoughts that may stress me out. I have been experiencing depersonalisation and disassociation for a few weeks now, and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. It’s mild at the moment, just a back thought that is always lingering. My body doesn’t feel like my own, looking at my reflection is horrible.

Everyday is the same now a days, I wake up, get dressed, take my dog out, watch Netflix all day, wait for my mum to come home from work, eat dinner, watch Netflix, go to sleep. The same, everyday, its so boring and it feels like my life is being thrown away, but at the same time, what else is there to do? Nothing, theres a pandemic. Everything is shut, we are encouraged to stay at home, so what can I do to be productive and not just wither away everyday. Its giving me a constant headache. Showers are not wanted, unless my hair is dirty. If my hair didn’t get dirty, I wouldn’t get a shower, isn’t that terrible.

I’m fed up and stressed. I’m stressed about my days being unproductive, I’m stressed about my future – what happens after I graduate in a few months? What then? I seem to be applying for SO many jobs, and I am getting no where with it, what do they need me to do? I have experience, I have a degree, it’s very annoying that I am not getting anywhere. I want to move into the real world and be able to move out, have a job. But this seems impossible, I don’t know what I am going to do, its making me miserable.

Wow I didn’t expect to be writing this much its just all coming out. Do I want to post this? I can be anonymous no one will know its me, its just somewhere to let all my feelings out. I wish I could write like this in university, all my modules feel the same, I get information from offline, not understanding what it means. It doesn’t feel like I’m learning anything, im just getting information in order to write an assignment to get a grade. I hate that I am leaving university and it feels like I have gained no real knowledge.

Anyways, maybe using this for a portfolio isn’t the best idea. The reality of life is settling in with the fact that I may never be truly happy with my career, I want to travel. How can I travel if I’m stuck behind a desk? In a warehouse or somewhere so dim with no life. I want to just keep travelling forever, be away from England. England makes me so miserable. Its so grey, constantly grey. I need sun, I need friends. God I am lonely, I need good friends. I look at people’s instagrams, celebs, etc. and I am uspet that they have such good families and friends in place, to help them, to talk to them. I have no one. Well I have one friend, but she’s got lots of other friends. How do I get new friends? I don’t know, am I too old to make new friends?

I am independent, and its great, I like my own company. But sometimes, I just want someone’s company, but then when I get company, I get annoyed, and I want them to leave. What is wrong with me? Why cant I just be comfortable? Ugh.

I watch shows and I get attached, I cant just watch a show and enjoy it. At the moment its Superstore. I have to know about the actors, watch the interviews, follow instagrams, I don’t know why? I had a big addiction to greys anatomy for a while, I’m out of it at the moment, but I think I will probably end up binging it again soon. When I go on walks with my dog in the morning, my imagination is wild, I don’t ever think about my own life. I imagine I am a child of a celebrity, I am always a boy, not a girl. What does that mean? Don’t even want to get into gender identity, I just push it back. Don’t let the emotions and thoughts approach the surface. As I said, push the emotions back with constant distractions!!

Anyways, I am tired now. This was nice to write, I haven’t really been able to express my thoughts and emotions, they just gather up in my brain. So writing them down helps massively. I don’t want to talk about certain things in real life, to my friends, or to my mum. I don’t think I will get taken seriously, why is mental health not taken seriously? Its all good when its physical injury. I don’t know. I have a headache from using my brain for the first time in forever, ok. Bye!

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 53 - Captain Kirk, the talk and the ex talk

In the previous chapter: Eddie and Angie talk every day on the phone. The day of the concert in Portland is near, Meg will go with Grace and Laura, whereas Angie won't be there. Cornell's going back home at dawn when he finds Eddie sitting outside Angie's door. He tells him he's hitched a ride and travelled during the night because he wanted to go back home. Angie and Eddie finally see each other again after the kiss.

**

“What the fuck have I just seen?” Meg's right here next to me, laughing and clapping her hands, together with the small group who rallied around our friends in the parking lot.

“Need bleach to disinfect your corneas?” Stone stoops to talk to her, keeping his arm around my shoulders “Want me to go inside and ask for some?”

“They're admirable though” I remark.

“For their courage and total lack of shame or restraint? I couldn't agree more” he said seriously.

“No. I mean, that too. But I meant their artistic choice”

“Artistic?” Meg eyes me suspiciously, then Jeff and Laura drag her away and they all walk up to the champs who've just given the performance.

“Well, yeah, they could have played it safe without taking any chances and go for an easy WMCA or In the navy. Yet they chose a niche song”

“Well, I wouldn't call it niche...”

“You gotta admit it's not the typical Village People party tune” I shrug and turn around and start walking back to the club.

“Now that I think about that...” Stone follows and reaches out to take me by the hand.

“They even had to make up a dance routine”

“Hehe that's true, you're right” he smiles and gives a little squeeze at my hand and I just snap.

“WHAT?”

“Huh?”

“What the fuck are you talking about Stone?” I plant myself pretty close to the entrance.

“Did you take any drugs that are kicking in now?” Stone studies my face with a perplexed look and a badly hidden smile.

“Come here!” I change direction and drag him back into the parking lot but towards the back, actually towards the band's van.

“Did Village People give you subliminal advice on how to spend the night? Well, the rest of it...” he asks as I gesture for him to open the door of the van.

“I see you've still got some sense of humour for me too!”

“Gracie, what's wrong?” he opens the van and flails his arms, while I walk around to get on the passenger seat.

“Get on and I'll tell you”

“So?” we're sitting and we're locked in and that fucking grin is still there.

“What's happening to you, Stone?”

“To me? I should ask you this question...”

“You haven't even made fun of me once since I got here!”

“What?”

“Being tender and sweet is ok... although I have to admit that sometimes while we were talking on the phone I wanted to yell 'Leave this body!' because I don't know you anymore”

“I can't... I don't understand”

“But at least you were joking with me, I mean, it was always you, though covered in a thick layer of … candy? Tonight you just keep on... fucking agreeing with me!”

“Should I not?”

“NO!”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I'm sure, I want the good old... well, the old Stone, not his pale copy. If this is the way you are when you have a girlfriend, you know, I'm not sure I want to take on that role”

“Oh. Well, that's curious” Stone looks surprised and he's not even trying to hide that grin anymore.

“I mean, I want that role, I like you, I really do... It's just, I can't understand what's wrong with you lately”

“That's curious because all my exes preferred the pale copy”

“Your exes?”

“Actually, they required it”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that girls usually get with me, then regularly try to change me... 'Did you really have to make that joke?'... 'Don't embarrass me!'... 'You said you'd call at 7. It's 7:01, what the fuck are you doing?'... 'Do you need to spend the whole night of your concert with your bandmates?'... 'Do you really have to play tonight?'... 'How could you make fun of my dress? My record? My mother? My dog?'... And each and every time I was like, you know, where have you been? Who have you been dating? Don't you know me? I thought you wanted to be with me and this is literally who I am”

“I don't wanna change you, you're fine to me the way you are”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, you can call me 15 minutes later, sleep with your guitar or... with Jeff! And you can easily insult my whole wardrobe”

“Even 20 minutes later?”

“Even one hour!”

“Really?”

“Sure! This is bullshit, stupid little things, nothing to focus on”

“Ok in that case... it looks like you passed the test” Stone holds his fingers up to his chin as if he's pondering something, then gives me a peck on the nose and gets out of the vehicle just like that. He walks around the van and opens the door for me.

“What?”

“And with flying colors!”

“What test?”

“Stone Gossard's Stress Test”

“And what the hell is it?”

“A kind of stress you couldn't stand for... mmm... not even five hours” Stone looks at his watch to calculate the time spent together tonight and I get out shocked from the van.

“Are you telling me... you did it on purpose?”

“Sure”

“And the cheesy phone calls?”

“Those too.” he's about to lock the van and my puzzled face tells him he needs to elaborate more “Oh that was to figure out if you're a clingy psycho. And you're not. You're a normal young woman with normal insecurities and doubts about the guy she's just started dating”

“So, what if I had given in and gone along with you?”

“I'd have dumped you on the spot” he finally locks the van and circles my shoulders with his arm once again, kissing me quickly on the lips.

“On the spot?”

“Well, no, of course I'd have waited for us to at least meet in person so we could talk” we walk up to the back entrance of the club and I can't help burst into laughter.

“Hahaha shut up! You'd have broken up with me on the phone with no remorse. Actually, you'd have probably asked Jeff to do the job for you!”

“God, you really do know me” he stops in his tracks, grabs me by my hips and pulls me in a tight hug, amused.

“Yes. And I still want to be with you, isn't it crazy?”

“Well, when I called you normal I was clearly putting it mildly”

“What are we then? I mean, are we a couple, are we dating or what?”

“What do you want us to be?” he asks as he rests his forehead against mine.

“Well, I want to be with you... but I want to take it slow”

“Uh what a coincidence! That's exactly what I want as well” he suddenly pulls away and takes me by the hand as we resume walking.

“Anyway, considering we already had the talk, I'd say we're well on the way”

“The talk?”

“The ex talk”

“Uh, that!”

“Well, you didn't give me the details but...”

“We can easily skip those” he shakes his head.

“And then there's the part about my ex boyfriends that still remains untold”

“Can't we skip that too?”

“You're not jealous, are you Gossard?”

“Nuh, it's just pathetic cases make me sad”

“Ha-ha”

“You said you liked my sense of humour, now enjoy it” he jokes as we walk hand in hand and he delicately rubs the back of my hand with his thumb.

“Can I reconsider it quickly?”

“No. You've even just called me by my surname to act as the funny alternative girlfriend, you can't go back”

“Any other remark before we get in?” I question when we're at the door.

“Yes, one thing. How many M&m's did you kill to make that skirt?”

“HA! I KNEW YOU HATED IT”

“You can't imagine the struggle to keep my mouth shut the whole time. And I did it for you, you should appreciate that”

**************************************************************************************************************************************

“Hey, did you see Mike?” Eddie runs into me in the parking lot and asks the wrong person.

“Mmm no, the last time I saw him he was mimicking tango moves with Cantrell along that railing, while the other Village People were doing the wave”

“That was... intense”

“I don't know now. Oh you know what? You should try and find the coordinates of the spot where I'm standing right now and calculate the one that's exactly the antipodes on the earth's surface 'cause that's were he probably is. Most likely” I spew my bile on poor Eddie, who remains confused.

“Ok”

“That or... he's, you know, inside” I add as I calm down.

“Ok, thank you Meg.” Eddie smiles and is about to leave, then waits “Mike's got nothing against you, he just wants to be by himself for a while so he doesn't fuck anything up”

“Yeah, well, I can't wait for him forever” I flail my arms then fold them back against my chest, buttoning up my jacket. It's cold tonight, fuck.

“Don't worry, he knows” Vedder nods at me and gets in the club, leaving me standing here like a lemon.

Sure he knows, he knows pretty well. Maybe that's what he hopes for. He wants me to get tired of waiting for him. I just need to find someone else and he wouldn't be in trouble anymore, right?

“Hey? Hey girl!” I hear someone yelling behind my back so I turn around to see if by any chance they're talking to me.

Two guys, apparently intoxicated by alcohol or something else. They come close smiling and elbowing each other. Yeah, unfortunately they're talking to me.

“Yes?”

“Hi! Excuse me, my friend and I are right in the middle of... of a...” the blond guy can't find the words, his friend with the dreadlocks comes to the rescue.

“A dilemma”

“Yes! A dilemma. You're the only one who can help us”

“You can't decide who's the biggest jerk between the two?”

“Hahahaha that's a good one!”

“I told you she seemed funny”

“We can't decide what's the worst cover version between Hotel California by Al B. Sure and Under my thumb by Sam Kinison. Do you know them?”

What. The. Fuck.

“The first one, for sure”

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeah! See? What did I tell you, I won!” blondie growls and beats his chest like a gorilla.

“Fuck you always win, that's not fair”

“And what did you win?” I ask 'cause I wanna see where this nonsense is going.

“The chance to hit on you, sweetie!”

“Don't you have a friend?” his buddy asks, still disappointed.

“Fine. Well you had your chance. It didn't work. Sorry. Bye!” I make wide gestures with my arms and hands and quickly step off.

“Aw come on! Why? Where are you going?”

“Guys, you need to change your technique because I swear this isn't just the worst pass ever done at me, it's the worst I've ever witnessed in general”

Sorry, Mike, given the available men around, I'm afraid the solution to your problems is still way too far.

I get back into the club right when Vedder's exiting, together with two friends of Mike's. That's why he was looking for him.

“Good night Meg!”

“Night”

Is he leaving? Where? Huh. The hall seems even bigger now that the show is over and there's a little less people on the floor, dancing to the dj's setlist.

“Baby here I am, I'm the man on the scene!” a Mike, but not the one I was looking for, sings aloud into my ears, dancing and skipping behind my back.

“Hey Starr, I've been told from a very believable source you're not a bad dancer at all”

“That's right! Your roommate was very satisfied with the performance”

“Yeah, despite your quick hand!” I retort as I jokingly squeeze his asscheek.

“Shhhhhh don't say it too loud! If Jerry hears us, he will get all upset and want to beat me up once again” Mike stops in the middle of the hall, looking around and gesturing me to shut up.

“Did he beat you up?”

“Nuh, he's all talk and no action, he never does it in the end. But there's a first time for everything”

While Starr describes his fears, I inspect the crowd and at some point I spot a Stevie Ray Vaughan style hat I know too well. Two girls are talking to that hat.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA you're killing me!” I give him a small nudge but he doesn't move.

“Ok. It didn't seem such a brilliant joke to me though”

“Hahaha no it wasn't but just laugh all the same, ok? Laugh! Would you please fucking laugh?!” I grab him on his shoulders and literally shake him.

“Are you high?”

“Just pretend we're having very much fun, ok? HAHAHA!” I throw my arms around his neck and maybe this dumbass finally understands something.

“Aaaaaah I see! Mikey's looking this way, isn't he?” he understood but doesn't uderstand that if he turns around he's gonna ruin the whole thing.

“Don't look!” I grab his curly head and straighten it forcefully up so he looks back at me.

“Hey, relax... I just wanted to check if he was with any girls”

“I can tell you: yes, he is. Happy now?”

“Well, yes, because if there's girls around, you get mad” he smirks and he almost gets me more mad than the girls themselves.

“Oh thank you! And why would that make you happy exactly?” I grasp his neck again but less gently.

“Because the more upset you are, the more you'll be seeking for revenge. And I can take advantage of the situation!” he wiggles his eyebrows and tries to cop a feel.

“You're such an asshole” I shake my head and let go of him, leaving him alone in the middle of the dance floor.

“Meg, where are you going?” Mike, still the wrong one, follows me as I make my way through the dancing people and catches up with me at the bar “Come on, I was just kidding! You know me, we're friends, aren't we?”

“Ok”

“But if you want to do what that chick with the bandana is doing to Mike, I'm in. Anything to help a friend in need!”

I frown and turn around and see the girl has just pulled up her shirt right in front of Mike, who just stands there in the middle of a group of howling men without batting an eye. First her friend laughs at the scene, then imitates her and pulls her top up as well.

“Fuck you, Mike” I hiss after I down my whiskey shot.

“Who? Me or him?”

“Both”

**************************************************************************************************************************************

Monday. Weird day choice for a concert, especially for the last gig of a tour. Actually, as far as Eddie told me, they were initially supposed to play last Friday. Then there were problems and it all slipped to today, so the guys had a long free weekend. This kind of gift is even better when it's unexpected. Just like the cancelled class this morning. I spend the morning running errands and doing all the chores I needed to do, I had a slow lunch, I studied for a couple of hours not to feel guilty, I even baked a cake, which would actually make me feel partially guilty, and now I'm free. Free to make a small change in my plans with Eddie. Luckily I manage to park just outside his condo, I grab the cake, enter the building thanks to a guy that's perfectly dressed for a bike ride who holds the door for me and I run up the stairs.

What if I disturb him?

You don't.

He must be resting after his shift.

His shift ended hours ago, he's got nothing to do.

Maybe I'm about to show up right in the middle of the writing of a new song and he'll lose inspiration because of me.

Well, if he really tells you he's busy-

He'd never tell me, Eddie's too sweet.

If you actually notice by yourself that he's busy, you can just give him the cake and leave, after all you'll see him at the show tonight.

That's not the same.

You can see him whenever the fuck you want, Angie.

What if he's not at home?

If he's not, nobody will open the door.

What if Jeff's there?

Then Jeff will have the whole cake, just stop with the drama.

What if he's with another girl?

Please! Who?! Eddie's so antisocial you're the only girl he found.

I get to the aparment and through the closed door I can hear the unmistakable voice of Ian MacKaye. This is Eddie, for sure. I ring the doorbell and the music is turned down a little. The door opens almost immediately, in a tiny crack.

“Hey!” Eddie greets me, quickly closes the door to unlock the chain, then opens it again.

“Hi E-” he pulls me towards me and without realising it, I find myself inside his apartment, in the middle of a hug and a kiss.

“What are you doing here? What time is it?” Eddie glances at his wrist but there's no watch on it, then clumsily walks backwards, dragging me within.

“It's almost half past four, Eddie”

“Wait, were we supposed to meet now? Sorry, my mind's kinda confused” hi little lines on Eddie's forehead! I missed you.

“Hehe no, we said tonight at the show, don't you remember?” this morning I saw him at the mini market and went there for a quick hello before going to class. He almost got us caught by Hannigan as we were kissing beside the ice cream department.

“Right! Weren't you busy today?”

“Yeah, but once I got to the university I found out two professors weren't there, so I got some free time” I put the cake on the small table at the entrance to keep it safe.

“Great!” he exclaims maybe with a little too much energy as he hugs me once again.

“And I thought... well, I could drop by and... surprise you”

“Even greater!” I takes me by the arms and loops them around his neck before kissing me.

“Didn't I disturb you?”

“Pfffft no”

“Are you sure?”

“I was just chilling a little”

“Chilling? With Fugazi?”

“You know, I'm weird.” Eddie rubs his nose against mine and his dimples are way beyond the alert level “You look so beautiful”

“Did you smoke pot?”

“Can't you just... like... take a compliment?”

“Sure I can. But that doesn't change the fact you've been smoking” my nostrils don't lie, neither does his face.

“Yes. But pot's got nothing to do with the fact you're beautiful”

“Ok. Do you have any left?”

“Sure, my princess!”

I realized I like hanging out with Eddie. Wow, what a huge discovery! I've always liked it, obviously. It's just, well, after... what happened, I was afraid things would change, that we wouldn't be us anymore, that nothing would ever be the same. Yet it's exactly the same. We're friends, we laugh and joke together, we talk about anything, we go out together, everything is the same. Since he came back, we met every day. On Friday afternoon we played basketball at the court, on Saturday he came to the diner at closing time, yesterday we did another tour of Pike Place. I mean, it's all like it used to be. Kisses, cuddling and make out sessions are a plus, lovely interludes that take nothing away from the rest. Everything's going just right and I'm sure it'll stay like that. As long as none of us talks about the whole matter, of course. Meg can't believe we didn't say anything to each other, whereas I think that's why this thing works. I mean, sure I'd  like to make sense of all this, to figure out what we are: we are together, we're not together, we're a couple, we're friends... I don't have much experience about relationships: with Sean, well, we both set up what we would do together, whereas Martin asked me with a card (Do you wanna be my girlfriend? Cross Yes or No); then came Drake and Dave that were, in two totally different ways, actual non-relationships, nobody said anything, nobody knows if they even started, we just know they ended by themselves; and finally, Jerry, well, no need to explain that. I mean, I went from school boyfriends to adult relationships, there's nothing in between and I have no idea how you know as an adult wether you're in a relationship or not. Do you have a talk specifically about that? Or one of the pair simply starts addressing the other spontaneously calling him or her my boyfriend or my girlfriend and you just start considering yourselves a couple by implication from then on? Nobody says shit and if you haven't told each other to fuck off after N months then you're a couple? Do you automatically become a couple after a minimum time-span of exclusive sex? How do I figure out if I'm with Eddie or not? Is it so necessary to figure it out? Uhm probably yes, if you don't want to get shafted like with Jerry Cantrell. I have the right to know what's happening and decide if I’m ok with it or not. The truth is, I'm so very ok with this situation, with Eddie, the way it is, that I'm scared stiff I'll do or say the wrong thing and fuck it all up. Eddie's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. I loved Jerry, and I somehow still do, I can't deny it, 'cause I care for him and everything. Anyway I never had the same connection, the delicious complicity, even the intimacy I have with Eddie, although we haven't done anything actually intimate... What if he wants to do it? SHIT, WHAT IF HE WANTS TO DO IT NOW?! Lounging on a small couch with Eddie listening to post-punk, eating chocolate cake and smoking substances that remove inhibitions: not exactly the best recipe for abstinence.

“Hahaha this was a particularly good idea” Eddie grabs two more squares of cake, he eats one immediately and places the other on his leg, his thigh that keeps rubbing against mine.

“And I had no idea about your induced appetite”

“It's a great idea regardless of the munchies. Take another bit” he suggests chewing.

“No, I'm fine, I ate a quarter alone!”

“So what? I ate half of it, there's another quarter left” Eddie gets all serious as he shows the different fractions of cake on the plate with the knife.

“That's for Jeff”

“But... Jeff's not here now” he whispers seductively, as if he was suggesting to cheat on a boyfriend with him and thank god I don't have a boyfriend because Eddie can be so convincing. Even now that his eyes are two thin slits and he can't stay more than ten seconds without laughing. Actually, when he laughs it's even worse.

“But if he still finds some when he comes home and eats it, that will make me happy”

“So selfless” he moves a lock of my hair away from my face and it falls back in the same place right away, he gives me a small kiss, then another, then one more, and he keeps smiling so wide that I'm afraid he'll gouge my eyes out with those cheekbones.

“Err Eddie?”

“Yes?”

“The cake” I point at the chocolatey square that's about to crumbe between our legs.

“Oops!” he lets go of me and takes the piece of cake, eating it in one bite.

This couch is a mess, there are crumbles everywhere.

Luckily it's not your apartment and it's none of your business. Focus on something else!

The B side of 13 songs has come to an end and this time I decide to go and turn off the stereo. I need a diversion.

“I... gotta go to the bathroom!”

“Ok”

My interior monologue goes on, both on the toilet and at the sink, as I wash my hands.

Why am I like this?

Because you're stupid.

Why do I freeze? I'm comfortable with Eddie... so why do I have these totally awkward moments?

Because it's a new thing, you still have to get used to it.

Get used to what? To making out with a hot guy? That should be the easiest most natural thing in the world! I should be in the living room with him now, not here, fixating on my face in the mirror.

The joint you smoked may be responsible for the fixation, the rest is just insecurity. Try and act normal, relax and don't think too much.

Easier said than done...

I get out of the bathroom and walk back into the living room. Eddie's not here. He must have gone away. And he probably left a message with FIX YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS written on it.

He can't leave, you dork, you're at his place.

Oh. Right.

“Hey, here you are! I was looking for something to drink. There's a bottle of red wine I really wanna open with you but not today. With the show and all the rest, I'd better not, what do you think?” Eddie comes out from the kitchen with a carton of ACE juice and two glasses.

“Hehe yeah, maybe you'll better not” I answer as I take my glass from his hands.

“This is Jeff's stuff, healthy and vitamin filled” Eddie fills my glass then does the same with his, puts the carton on the coffee table then seats on the armchair.

On the armchair. Sure.

Well done, Angie. Congratulations. You sent him the message to stay away. I drink a sip of juice and place the glass on the table, Eddie makes gestures and mumbles something I can't decipher because he does it as he's drinking.

“What? Do you need something?”

“Mmmhh”

“The cigarettes?” I ask pointing at the pack.

“The remote. Let's watch some tv, do you want to?” he finally explains himself. Eddie wanting to watch tv? I guess my message was too strong.

“What's up with the tv? Do you wanna take a nap?” why don't I just keep my fucking mouth shut? He gets close and you push him away, he finds something to do to pass the time and you have to pick on him. Nothing is ever good for you.

“Hehe no, no napping, just relaxing a little” he replies stretching out a little to put his empty glass on the edge of the coffee table. I move it towards the center so it doesn't fall down, then I get the remote for Eddie.

“Here”

“Thanks” I'm about to go and sit down on the couch but Eddie grabs me first by the arm, then by the hips, and in a couple of seconds I find myself sitting on his lap .

“Eddie! Come on, what are you doing?”

“Where did you think you were going?”

“On the couch, I can't sit here... like this...” I pry up the backrest of the armchair to turn around and look at him as I speak.

“No? And why?” he reaches between my knees and pulls up one of my legs so it lies across his.

“Because I can't be... all sprawled out on you like this” he does the same with the other leg and now I am indeed in his arms.

“Who said that?”

“I'm heavy, Eddie, I'll crush you...” we'll end up falling asleep and I'll suffocate him.

“I can't fell any burden at all” liar.

“It's the drug, it numbed you”

“Haha Angie, it takes much more than a couple of joints to numb me, trust me” Eddie squeezes my hip and with the other hand is still caressing my knees over the jeans.

“But... you're uncomfortable”

“I've never been so comfortable in my whole life” he states and rests, well, actually drops his head against my chest.

“If you say so...”

“Are you comfortable?” he asks looking up. Hi again, Eddie's frown!

“Yes...”

“Great,” he kisses me in a way that I almost fall off this fucking armchair, then gives me the remote “turn it on then”

“Ok, what do you want to see?”

“You choose”

I start zapping through the channels and hope to find something that can give us a prompt of conversation and thank god I find it amost immediately.

“Uh! Star Trek reruns! Do you like it?”

“I used to watch it as a child. I'd say I was more into super heroes and sitcoms rather than science fiction, but I do remember it”

“So you haven't seen the new series? The Next Generation?”

“Uhm no”

“No big deal, I prefer this old one too, but the new one is not bad at all, you know?”

“Hehe ok”

“If you don't like it we can watch something else”

“No Angie, it's good” he steals the remote, turns up the volume a little and sticks it somewhere between the armrest and the pillow.

“OH MY GOD, IT'S ARENA!”

“That is...?” Eddie gives me a perplexed look for my sudden excitement.

“It's a memorable episode! Captain Kirk against the Gorn, have you seen it?”

“Err it's not like I remember it all, as I told you”

“Oh if you had seen this episode, you'd remember, trust me” I adjust myself better on Eddie's knees.

“Is it good?”

“It's one of the best episodes ever!” I let go of the backrest and clasp my hands behind his neck.

“Cool!”

“And it has the worst fight scene in the history of American television”

“What?”

“Maybe even world television but I don't have the instruments to venture a guess”

“How can it be one of the best episodes if it's got a scene that literally sucks?”

“It's something I can't explain, you wouldn't understand”

“You mean that it's so bad that it's good?”

“Yes, but no. Not really. All I can say is that Star Trek is made of this too”

The episode has already started, although not long ago, so I do a quick summary for Eddie. The attack on Cestus 3, the space battle between Enterprise and the enemy ship, Metrons getting upset because fuckers invaded their sectors.

“Isn't it basicallly some kind of fight trial?” Eddie asks as he's still holding me firmly. When his limbs start tingling and losing feeling and I crash down on the floor, I'll say I TOLD YOU!

“Exactly! A trial by combat. As in, you came here fucking around in our space, now we're gonna take your two captains and put you in this desert planet so you can take this shit elsewhere and sort it out between you two, until one of you dies”

“Who lives, wins”

“Yeah and the one who dies condemns his crew to death too”

Eddie watches the episode in silence, either he's very focused or he's stoned. Now it's me resting my head against his shoulder. All in all, it's just Eddie, why should I freak out? I don't know if I owe it to Captain Kirk or if it's because of the forced contact on the armchair but I feel much more relaxed now.

“I think I smoked too much, I see it all in slow motion” he points out after a while and try and I hardly stifle a laugh.

“It's not you, that's the scene”

“What do you mean?”

“This is the terrible fight I told you about, it's at normal speed”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Hahahaha no”

“What the fuck was that two-handed punch?”

“That's Captain Kirk signature move! He uses it often”

“Yes but it's totally useless”

“Details”

“And why is that alien so slow?”

“He's big, he can't be too sleek”

“He couldn't even kick him! Here, now he's crushing him”

“But Kirk reacts and tries to strangle him”

“He'll never make it”

“Oh he will, with the powerful move of the-”

“Head slap?! Hahahaha”

“See? He stunned him”

“Run away!”

“He can't, he has to fight him to save himself and the Enterprise”

“What the fuck is he doing now?”

“He throws a rock at him”

“That guy's big, the rock won't do him anything”

“Metrons told them they'd find all the resources on the planet”

“If he kills the alien with that pebble, I swear I'll scream”

“It must weigh a lot. Look, look at the elegance of the throw gesture”

“There it is hahaha! As I said, he didn't even move”

“He managed to make him even more upset”

“Where is he going? Jesus Christ yes! Now that is a rock”

“He wants to respond by throwing an asteroid at him basically”

“Such a poor figure for the Captain of Enterprise”

“Shut up, heretic! Kirk is not up for debate”

“Come on, you can't deny he sucks at fighting right now”

“But he's good at dodging asteroids”

“If they go on like this, this fight could last for ages”

“Hehe luckily, it ends at some point”

“Are you sure they're not still fighting right now?”

“No no, I swear”

“Thank god”

And the end of the fight finally comes. Kirk builds some kind of mortar with bamboo, diamonds and colorful dust he found on the planet. He fires it and hits the Gorn.

“So MacGyver didn't invent anything new?” Eddie says and I giggle.

“Hehe no, he didn't”

“Won't he kill him?”

“No, he won't. That's the best part of the episode. Rhetoric, I know, but I'm a sucker for the Federation's moral culture”

We watch the episode till the end: Kirk spares the Gorn's life because he realizes he was just trying to defend his corner of space. The Metron shows up and he's touched by Captain Kirk's pity, a trait he wasn't expecting to find in humans, and saves both him and the Gorn.

“A positive moral in the end”

“Yeah, there's still hope for humanity”

“Anyway... that fight really sucked, I can't” Eddie lets go of my legs and covers his face with his hand as he laughs.

“I can't deny it. But you gotta understand it was 1968”

“Yeah, sorry, you're right. That's how people fought lizard aliens at the time”

“Hehe yeah, now we know much more about lizard aliens but at that time that's how it was done”

“We should have recorded it so we could watch it again in slow motion. I didn't really understand what was happening during the fight, they were too fast”

“Hahaha”

“How can they broadcast such a violent thing at this time of the day? Don't they think about children?”

“You're funnier when you watch Star Trek, I'll take a mental note”

“It's got nothing to do with Star Trek”

“Oh right, it's pot. I'll take a note anyway”

“It's not that either”

“What is it then?”

“It's you”

“Oh...”

**************************************************************************************************************************************

“Did you hear that too?” Angie abruptly breaks our kiss and looks around.

“What?”

“That noise”

“What noise?”

“I don't know, some kind of thud”

“I didn't hear that... I don't know, I must have left a window open” I shrug and kiss her again.

“When I went to the bathroom I didn't see any open window from the hallway” she insists.

“No noise then” I nip her nose gently and try again with the kissing.

“But I'm sure I heard something” it seems there's nothing to do.

I thought she was calm now. She was so tense... I can't see why though. I'm trying everything to make her comfortable.

“Maybe it came from outside?” I cup the side of her face, lean in and...

“I don't know, it seemed more like it came from round here” she explains generically pointing at the entrance and the hallway.

“As I said, maybe someone has just got home and shut the door”

“Yes... it can be... you're right” she finally smiles at me and I can pick up where we left off.

At least until someone rings the door bell. Unlike the previous imaginary sound, we both can hear this clearly.

“Someone's at the door” Angie slips away from my arms and stands up in the middle of the room.

“Yeah, let's see who the fuck it is.” I reluctantly get up from the armchair and walk to the door “Jeff?”

“Sorry man, I forgot the keys” my roommate enters and throws his backpack on the floor.

“It's ok. But what are you doing here? Didn't you have to work until six?”

“Yeah. It's almost seven o'clock, Ed” Jeff laughs as he takes off his jacket and hangs it on the rack.

“WHAT? Already?”

“I see you couldn't stand Violet but if I were you, I'd wear the watch she bought you as a present, you'd need it” he pats me on the back a couple of times, folds his arms and looks at me. A huge grin on his face.

“I'll buy another one...” I nod and walk to go back to the living room, then turn around expecting to see him right behind me, following me. No. He's still there, standing near the door, laughing. Why the fuck is he laughing?

“I'm gonna go and take a quick shower, we're supposed to do soundcheck in half an hour” he finally breaks from his position and makes his way through the hallway.

“HI JEFF!” Angie calls him from the living room and Ament turns tail.

“Angie? Hi! I didn't see you!” I join them and see Angie, holding her bag with her coat on. I can't say I was expecting to see her like she was five minutes ago, stretched out on the armchair with her shirt unbuttoned, but...

“Eh you were walking fast...”

“What are you doing here? Wait, don't tell me you're not coming to the show!” Jeff pretends to get mad and Angie doesn't buy it.

“Don't get all worked up, I'm coming tonight! I just popped by to bring you something” she barely points at the plate and the bass player basically throws himself on the cake.

“Chocolate! Great. Well done, Angie, especially since you brought it to us and not to the other losers”

“I wanted to. But bringing a cake to the Off Ramp was kind of impractical”

“Extremely impractical, totally agree” he adds with his mouth full of cake.

“Weren't you going to take a shower? Aren't we late?” I ask as I walk up to them.

“Oh well, whatever, the acoustics always suck at the Off Ramp”

“Ok, so, gotta go now” Angie dribbles Jeff, and me.

“Already?” I complain.

“Yeah, I can see you're busy”

“Why don't you just wait and come with us to the club?” Jeffrey has the best idea of the century.

“Sure! A little patience and we can go all together” I chime in.

“Thank you but... I can't, I've got a couple things to do that I can't postpone hehe. See you tonight!” Angie dashes my hopes and heads for the door.

“Bye Angie, thank you for the cake” Jeff shrugs and sits down holding the plate in his hand, cutting another slice. I'm surprised he's not splitting the cake with his bare hands. Maybe it's because she's still here. Not for long though.

“Bye guys!” she stops and looks back at us one last time, waving her hand, then disappears. I can barely make a move to catch up with her and I already hear the door open and close.

What the hell...?

“Did I interrupt something?” I'm still trying to process what's just happened when Jeff asks me.

“No”

“Are you sure? It looks like there was a nice party going on in here...” my friend points at my shirt randomly abandoned on the coffee table, the stubs in the ashtray, the glasses.

“Sure. Ehm... I'll be back in a minute” I take a few steps back.

“Where are you going?”

“I gotta... I forgot I had something to tell her”

“Really? And what is that?” Jeff crosses his legs on the couch and keeps on cackling at me.

“Work stuff... I'll be right back” I clear out and dash down the stairs.

I didn't tell anything to Jeff but I have the feeling he sensed something. Well, it's not like he didn't know before, he's not stupid. Anyway, I'd tell him. But obviously Angie doesn't want anyone to know. How can I tell? Well, let me think... maybe the fact that on Friday, after we had spent a great afternoon together, when we met with the whole gang at the Scottish Pub to celebrate the end of the tour, she barely talked to me and sat as far from me as she could? And what about Saturday night, when I went to Roxy's to see her and we were holding hands and she dropped mine in a second as soon as Meg appeared? I see it's been only a few days but I can't see why we should hide.

“Angie!” I draw up to her between the second and first floor and she looks particularly confused when she sees me.

“Eddie? What's up?”

“What do you mean, what's up? What was that?” I stop a flight of stairs higher.

“What was what?” she asks and it looks like she really doesn't understand.

“That” I reply, mechanically waving my hand at her and going down a couple of steps.

“A universal greeting gesture?”

“And didn't you forget anything?” I roll my eyes and keep walking down.

“I don't know... what did I forget?”

“I don't know... something like this?” I get right next to her, cup her face with both hands and kiss her.

“Oh. You meant this” she awkwardly answers.

“Yes, this.” I add with another quick kiss “Why did you leave like that?”

“Well, Jeff was there...”

“So what?”

“He could see us”

“I repeat: so what?” Angie and I haven't talked about it yet. Actually every time I try and talk about us, she changes the topic of the conversation and I didn't want to push until now. After all, it's only been a few days. But maybe now it's time to finally do the talking.

“Eddie...”

“What's wrong if he sees us? He'll find out sooner or later”

“Yes but... I don't know” Angie drops her gaze down to the floor.

“You don't want anyone to know, I get that. I just can't see why”

“Just for now”

“I didn't ask you how long, I asked you why”

“Because... you know how it is with the guys... they never mind their own business” she starts bantering and gesticulating.

“Angie”

“You're in my friends' band and if something happene-”

“Angie, I'll tell you a secret: they really don't give a fuck about us. Sure, they can tell a couple of jokes, make fun of us, gossip a little. Then every one goes back to their own lives and their own problems”

“Hehe I know!”

“So?”

“I just want to wait before telling them, that's all”

“We don't need to actually tell them, we don't have to make big announcements, we can just... stop hiding. And our friends will sniff that out”

“Can't we just wait for a while before having them... sniff?”

“You're ashamed. Of me”

“What?! Shut up, what the fuck are you talking about?!”

“What's the matter then? Don't you trust me?”

“It's not that, Eddie”

“'Cause if you don't, just tell me what I have to do so I can be trusted”

“You don't have to do anything”

“I am not Jerry” if she doesn't want to talk about the elephant in the room, then it's up to me.

“God, I know!”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure I know or I wouldn't be here with you”

“I'm not... shit, I don't want to hide 'case I've got nothing to hide, ok? What am I? The new non-boyfriend? The secret boyfriend of the week?”

“What... what did you just say?” Angie finally looks up at me, only she does it like she had just seen a ghost.

“That I don't want to hide and-”

“No, after that” Angie leans against the stair railing, holding on to it with both hands.

“That I've got nothing to hide?”

“Right after that”

“Secret boyfriend?”

“Yes. That one. What... what is it supposed to mean?” she asks wide-eyed.

“Well that's something I don't like. Being your boyfriend and nobody knows. I can't-”

“You... are you my boyfriend?”

“Well yes... am I... not?” I thought I was. Maybe I got it wrong.

“YEAH! I mean, I don't know, we never talked about it...” she looks down again and I get closer to her.

“I never talked about that because you didn't seem at ease, every time I tried and say something...”

“I know, it's true... it's my fault”

“Fault? What fault? There's no fault. It's... this new thing started between us and it's a beautiful thing and we're spending time together. And it's great but you're kind of embarrassed because it's fresh, there's nothing strange, it's perfectly understandable”

“So... what are we... you and I?” she asks and I can feel it's really hard for her to be so upfront.

“What do you want us to be?”

“I asked... uhm, I asked you first” she retorts with a little smile. Her well known irresistible smile.

“We're together”

“Ok”

“And what do you think?”

“I think we're together too”

“Great” I take her hands off the railing and kiss them one after the other.

“So... you haven't been seeing other people?” she asks and my eyes roll so hard I can see my brain.

“No, Angie, I haven't been seeing anyone else...” then suddenly, a suspect as I drop her hands “Wait, are you seeing someone else?”

“What? No!”

“Tell me if you have” what if all this secrecy and embarrassment are only because she's been dating another guy? After all, we never talked about it, so we never decided how exclusive this relationship was. Who the fuck is going out with her? I swear I'm gonna beat the shit out of-”

“Who do you think I'm going out with?”

“I don't know, you tell me”

“Nobody, Eddie. Only you” this time she takes my hand, delicately holds it caressing the back first, then the fingers and the palm, carefully studying it, without looking at me.

“Ok”

“So... we're a couple”

“Yep... let's go tell Jeff the good news!”

“Eddie, please”

“Just kidding”

“Let's keep this between us, for a few days... ok?”

“Ok, princess”

[outletcheapggdb-blog]

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