#anyways I’m crying in my camper rn

[gatorademachinegun]

Love it when you get accused of “jumping down someone’s throat” when talking about Americans politics. Like, it’s just a silly little difference of opinion for you, but this is my human rights. Sorry for getting a “tone” during these debates, it’s my life you’re discussing like an annoying essay you have to read.

[angrygirlromero]

SHOOTERS SHOOT

(feat. Charlie Bushnell x fem¡oc)

@angrygirlhayek Following

@cbushnell15 come home the kids miss you 😣

11:31 p.m 19/03/25 105.5k views

💬 111k 🔁 50k ❤️150.3k

@malachiDiBarton

noooo baby don’t do this to me 😭😭😭

@AryanSimhadri

brooo that’s crazy time to man up ig @cbushnell14

@cbushnell15

I guess dreams really do come true 😳😳😳

@elianamarkella

I thought you were joking about posting it to twitter 😭😭😭

@user1078

HUHH?? WHO TF IS CHARLIE BUSHNELL?!!!

@likemyballs69

there’s no way bro puller Alejandra Hayek

@crasybitsh101

Nepo baby much? 🙄

-

dior

guyss have you seen twitter?

aryan

Charlie literally manifested her

wtf

He was crying like two days ago to a tik tok she posted

Cause he said she’ll never know him

Are we in some type of fairytale I don’t know about???

walker

What’s twitter? I don’t know that app

I only know x 😉

dior

Stfu

If u don’t have anything relevant to say, just sush

charlieeee why aren’t you relying

leah

He’s probably still in shock

Or possibly crashing out rn

charlie

…

dior

use your words dummy

Charlie

W T F

HOW DOES SHE EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?

WDF DO U MEAN THE KIDS MISS ME I NEVER LEFT!!!!!

OMFFFGGGG

aryan

there it is

Leah

Oh lord…

dior

Deep breaths

Charlie

wtf do I say after something like that??

dior

Dm her? Ask for her number

Charlie

She doesn’t even follow me

wait

Aryan

What?

Charlie

SHE JUST FOLLOWED ME

On insta and tik tok

Omg omg

my repost are like 90% edits of her she’s gonna think I’m a fucking weirdo 😭😭😭

dior

HAHAHA

Charlie

tf u mean haha?

HELP ME

Aryan

just calm down bro I’m sure it can’t be that bad

Leah

Trust me it’s bad, level 100% obsessed with the poor girl

How does she even know you?

walker

I have something relevant to say

Leah

What is it?

walker

It was me.

Dior

What do u mean it was you? Huh?

Leah

???

Aryan

???

Charlie

???

Walker

I met her yesterday in nyc, she was very nice btw she invited me for doughnuts, anyways I asked if she had seen Percy Jackson

Which btw she had

And she mentioned that Luke Castellan was the best thing to ever happen to Disney

So I told her that Charlie is obsessed with her work

Charlie

Idk if I should thank you or kill you

Walker

What? I’m literally the best wing man every tf u mean kill me?

Leah

Language

Walker

Sorry 😔

Aryan

I was not expecting that

dior

Me either, I though those fotos of u with a girl in nyc were edited

I didn’t know it was her

Why didn’t you tell us?

Walker

You never asked

🤷🏼

Charlie

this mf

-

Charlie Bushnell sat in absolute shock on the bench of his local gym, mouth gaped fist clenched and heart bounding, as he stared at the notificación on his Home Screen from tik tok @alehayek mentioned you in their video. The nervous boy took a deep breath before clicking on the notification it soon leading him into the app where the logo appeared before the app loaded the video.

On the screen appeared a short tik tok video, there she was Alejandra Hayek on the beach in god knows which part of Mexico, she lounged lazily on a beach chair with pretty doe eyes staring into the camper lens from behind her think sun classes, she laid beautifully displaying the setting of the beach infront of her with the sun set. Her tanned skin and glossy lips smiled at him, god he could die a happy man just simply looking at her.

Soon enough the tik tok audio rang throughout the empty gym, “like my **** tall and brown, and mixed with a little bit of ugly” she lip synced, with a cute smile allowing the dimples in her cheeks to form, as her hand moved forward for form the gun motion “uh, uh-huh, they say shooters shoot” she smiled while tilting her head, long wavy hair falling into her face slightly, “uh, uh-huh, @CharlieBushnell, what’s up with you?”

In that moment Charlie couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot, his face was red, his cheeks hurt, his heart raced and his palms were sweating, he shook his head in his flustered state before liking the video, adding it to his favorites and reposting it. He rewatched the video once more before opening the comments.

-

Dior Goodjohn • following

@charliebushnell where you at my guy come get your girl

McKenna grace • following

That’s crazyyy

Aryansimhadri • following

get your man girl

Walker scobell • following

This was my doing btw

Liked by creator ❤️

Malachi Barton •following

😔😔😔

Eliana Kalogeras • following

Yeah Bushnell what is up with you and my girl? 🤨

🎀Piper Rochelle🎀 • following

ITTT COUPLEEEE

Vinnie • following

🤨🤨🤨

Alex Warren • following

Can I preform at the wedding??!!

replied by creator

omg yessss!! (If there is a wedding 🫢)

Charlie Bushnell • following

Well it appears I’ve been shot, right in the heart

Liked by creator ❤️

-

a/n: thank you for reading! Sorry for any grammar mistakes you may have encountered English isn't my strongest language, hope you enjoyed. This is one hundred percent inspired on a tik tok I saw the other day!

PLEASE READ!!!

It has come to my attention that many people seem to get disappointed after realizing that my stories are x femjoc, I'm so sorry for the confusion. I'm not very good at writing my character without much details or descriptions, so I find it much more difficult to write x reader fics as much as l'd like to. As for my tags please don't come for me but as some tumblr users probably already know the algorithm here isn't the best and I have to put as much tags associated with my fic as possible for it to get put on the right fandom's fyp, if you'd like me to formally remove or change anything just let me know, I write strictly for fun and entertainment of other I'm just trying to share my hobby

(IF U HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS FICS DON'T BE AFRIAD TO COMMENT YOUR QUESTIONS, AND IF YOU'D LIKE TO SEE MORE OF THIS DONT FORGET TO LIKE AND REPOST!!

[sundere1181]

(Bit of a rant post, don’t read if you don’t want to. I’m just really frustrated rn and need to get my feelings out somehow)

(I’m in my phone and can’t figure out how to make the read more cut sorry)

Okay. So. The last few weeks have been hectic as hell, because my parents just bought a restaurant and we’re moving out of our rental house and into our camper, so we’re trying to bring stuff out to it. Me and my parents have a system where some days ill go to work at the restaurant (which has been hell in my burnt out state lately, not to mention sensory issues) and if I dont go work ill stay at home and feed horses and do other chores they ask me to do.

Anyway. I’ve been super burnt out lately and I haven’t gotten any guilt free freetime lately and the executive dysfunction has been kickin my ass. And tonight I stayed home while my parents went to work. When they came home, they spent like 30 minutes guilt tripping and scolding me for “doing nothing”

Here’s what I did tonight

1. Took out a shit ton of my clothes to the camper and folded then put them away individually

2. Did laundry (and folded it too)

3. Fed horses

4. watered horses

5. filled buckets of food for the horses for the next day

6. Fed steers

7. Brought out a bunch of food items to the camper (very heavy and I also did it in the dark, which was the fault of my executive dysfunction)

8. Killed a stink bug (left me nauseas for an hour afterwards for multiple reasons)

9. Fished a dead mouse out of the pool

10. Fished a frog out of the pool

Here’s what I didn’t do:

1. Didn’t take out all the food items

2. Didn’t take out my books to the camper

I’m fucking LIVID. I did all that and they look me in the eyes and tell me I did absolutely nothing.

In their defense, I did wait until six o clock to do most everything (six o clock is when it starts getting dark) BUT I didn’t do fucking NOTHING.

I even told them that. Then they guilt tripped me some more for getting angry.

God. I want to cry. Or punch a wall.

[heathneycanon]

reasons why phobia factor fucking slaps

ok this lowkey just turned into me rambling abt phobia factor while i rewatched it. putting it under a read more bc it’s super long lmao

like, the entire first five minutes are the campers being friendly to each other?? and vulnerable, to a degree??? you know i love that shit

courtney and trent?? talk to each other?? like. okay they’re never in the same frame together unfortunately, but they do have like, two whole back and forth conversations.

also in that campfire scene at the beginning, cody and trent are sitting next to each other and there are some. good screencaps

“exSQUEEZE me?!” like cody. ur such a dork omfg

duncan vulnerability hours

lindsay asks what a standee is and trent explains it and doesn’t mock her/isn’t annoyed with her at all, in contrast to a lot of the other campers interacting with lindsay. i love them as friends SO much u all have no idea

harold’s little scene with the ninjas. i love him sm. why does he have nunchucks with him when he goes to the bathroom??

leshawna is afraid of spiders and she runs away screaming from. chef wearing a spider suit??? like i don’t love spiders but if a man i knew wearing a spider costume was calmly walking toward me i wouldn’t react the same way as i would to a real spider. anyway i think this is hilarious.

season one heather vulnerability hours.....

i mean, i really wish they’d actually shown her talking abt her fear at the campfire, rather than just having it told by gwen in the confessional, but i get why they did that. regardless that one scene right before the sumo wrestler charges at her where she’s literally shaking.... i want to give her a hug

side note i hope the sumo wrestler is okay he hit his head quite a few times

ok so. trent accidentally leaving gwen buried underground because he’s getting chased by a mime isn’t like. a sweet gwent moment. but it is one of their interactions that i remember most vividly from tdi lmfao

what is a cute gwent moment is trent like. kneeling next to her while chris is burying her. and the face he makes at chris when he jokes abt not digging her up..... i love them sm

also gwen sounds so fucking dramatic when they close the box she’s in like. “goodbye cruel world” gwen ur being buried for 5 minutes ur not dying sdfjlafskj i love her

duncan hyping dj up before he picks up the snake is so cute?? like he’s clapping for him and he’s got what i call “adorable duncan face” which is where his eyes are full circles and he’s smiling. i can remember him making this face at courtney, dj, and alejandro throughout the series and it’s just. ugh loving soft duncan hours

“ah! it blinked” “it means she likes you” sadie where are u getting this information

okay so i googled if this was true and the result i got was “snakes can’t blink” so first of all i have no clue where sadie pulled that fact from and i have even less of an idea of where chris got that fucking. blinking snake from. is that even a snake??

when dj picks up the snake and they all hype him up?????? i love the killer bass so much it’s unreal

more cute gwent moments... gwen and trent talking on the walkie talkies.. they’re so cute

when the mime pops up behind trent and he does that little scream.... it’s loving trent hours u guys

trent is so bothered by a mime literally just. being a mime. me too trent. me too.

duncan and the celine dion music store standee.... everything abt that scene

"DUDE SHE’S MADE OF CARDBOARD” tyler i love you

courtney genuinely saying that it’s okay if he can’t do it (when she was being harsh to dj about the snake earlier..... duncney is so good in tdi u guys)

and then theY HOLD HANDS GUYSSSS IM SOFT FOR THEM

and THAT is what gives duncan the encouragement he needs to go for it?? they’re so good.

his “okay, okay” right before going for it... duncan’s voice acting is so good in this episode omfg

THE MUSIC THAT PLAYS WHEN HE HUGS THE STANDEE AND THEN EVERYONE CHEERING ITS SUCH A GOOD SCENE

THE DUNCNEY HUG

“duncan, you’re awesome!” and the look of shock on his face at both the fact that he did it and that courtney’s hugging him...... have i mentioned i love duncney yet?? bc i do

i can’t believe i used to dislike duncney omfg

then when courtney realizes that she’s hugging him and steps back jafksdfjlsa she’s so cute

and then the rest of the bass come over and hype duncan up more like. i love how supportive they all are in this episode!!

trent is so excited when he finally gets the mime to leave him alone fakjldjfl like he didn’t have to ROAST the dude. but he did.

chris somehow owns a remote control hail cloud?

lindsay getting excited about the “baby cloud” and calling it over?? she’s so cute omfg

trent fucking. hates geoff. gwent has geoffphobia in tdi ig

when they dig up gwen and she throws the walkie talkie at his head but he doesn’t stop smiling..... your honor i love them

owen and izzy getting out of the plane and kissing the ground together..... adorable.

cody with a fucking. watermelon on his head and covered in trash scares bridgette out of the woods. that will never not be funny to me

THAT ONE FUCKING SCENE. WHERE SADIE AND LINDSAY HYPE EACH OTHER UP. THAT MAY BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES IN THE ENTIRE SERIES. I LOVE THEM SM

the only bad thing abt this ep- tyler should have gotten the fucking point. he completed the challenge. i love courtney, but realistically, she should have gone home this ep and tyler should have stayed.

bridgette hyping tyler up...... im soft they should be friends

“quit being such a girl” courtney im sorry but the only reason you’re still in the game rn is because ezekiel made sexist comments in episode one. what are u saying lmfao

tyler and heather’s reactions to their fears rly make me think. bc like. most of the other campers have a more outward, loud reaction, maybe scream and run away. a couple are just a little wigged out. gwen gets a little snippy and is clearly super freaked out as well. but tyler and heather just. completely shut down. like, curled up in a ball, nonverbal, and shaking. makes u think.

why did cody need a calculator to figure out that the score was 7/3....... cody is canon lgbt+ bc he can’t do basic math without a calculator confirmed

also regardless of how little sense that made. at least that screencap gave us commie cody

when gwen starts trying to psych courtney out and heather like. gasps and looks shocked..... i like to think that heather feels a little bad for courtney here. heathney real.

duncan and bridgette hyping courtney up..... i love the killer bass so much omfg

courtney looks so sad when she walks away from the jelly.......

and then in the confessional right after?? she’s like. crying a little bit :( and she’s beating herself up abt it like..... :( courtney no

LITERALLY she’s like “how could i be so weak” “i deserve to go home” “you’re pathetic” (to herself) and then tells herself to show some confidence and then. she just starts crying again. and then slaps herself?? GOD I FUCKING LOVE COURTNEY SHE’S SO HARD ON HERSELF

owen just. hangin out in the tub of jelly. i love u, u wild dude. fuckin sit in that green jelly. loving owen hours

the little look that courtney and tyler give each other when they’re the last two without marshmallows..... half solidarity half “i don’t want to be the one going home”. i love them sm :(

i KNOW i said this earlier but. tyler should NOT have gone home this episode!!!!!! only bad thing abt this ep

all the fuckin chicken puns are a little bit funny tho

“he won’t be flying high tonight” bridgette chickens can’t fly

when courtney goes “okay, that’s enough” like. tyler’s not even there at this point but she’s defending him. maybe it’s because she still feels she should have gone home instead? maybe it’s because of that little bit of solidarity she felt for him when they were the final two without a marshmallow? maybe i’m reading too much into this? but idk. i think it’s sweet

okay no i have another complaint. what the fuck was the whole boat ride for tyler?? like when sadie gets eliminated the surprise she gets is that katie is on the boat. when tyler is on the boat, CRYING, after literally none of his teammates came to see him off, after he LITERALLY COMPLETED THE CHALLENGE BUT DIDN’T GET CREDIT FOR IT. the fucking. CHICKENS POP OUT?????? tyler deserved better

also some of the challenges were a lot easier, or at the very least, harder to fail than others this ep. i love it but come on. lindsay and sadie vs like. gwen vs owen and izzy vs dj. there were very different time limits, actual fright level, ability to back out once they were doing the challenge.... not a fair challenge

also uhm. if we’re being technical tyler and heather had the exact same reaction to their fears, so why did heather get a point and tyler didn’t? if the chicken had run at him, would he have won? smh

i do love this episode so much but. i had a couple complaints

okay finally lindsay’s little confessional to tyler where she blows him a kiss.... they’re so adorable lyler rights!!

[skeeloo]

Aight I should be writing and responding to someone rn but ima type out my dream here cause my best friend is asleep and I can’t tell it to him just yet and I want a place to type it out so I can remeber it-

I may or may not have a dream log filled with interesting dreams- god I hope you guys don’t think I’m weird for what my mind decided to conjure up in my slumber-

Ok! Starting off- there was a lot of shit that happened and went down but I can’t remeber it for shit so I guess it wasn’t too important but all it was I remeber it being a little survival kind of thingy with the scenery being a revisit to a older dream of mine ( a jungle esque type place-) and I can’t remember too much but my friends and I had like little character/avatars like we were playing a game but it felt like it wasn’t exactly that- it was kinda interesting though-

But that’s not the interesting bit I wanna remeber

So!

Oh my how do I even start this.. alright so, I don’t know how to describe the room but the closest I can compare it to is like- some type healing chamber, pod type things- there were about like five all lined up in this dark, dimly lit room only lit by like some lights- wasn’t too dark but it wasn’t too bright- it gave off some evil vibes

And this is where another persons oc rolls in

I don’t know how Althea (belonging to Sharkologydesign, Aka Anna/miss sharky) ended up in my dream scape but she happened to be there- I don’t even know why or how 😂

Anyways back on track. Althea was there standing in front of one of the pods, she looked a little despaired, not crying but obviously not happy- more angry than anything. The pod she was standing in front of contained none other than Zenon-

I was guessing he got hurt or injured and that was why she was all angry about it-

THEN, I see my own gal, Shiori and then Yuno right behind her, but at a distance- they weren’t planning to attack her- at least it didn’t seem that way and I remember a few words being exchanged between the three but I can’t remeber exactly what they said ( ;-; rip)

But Althea turns and looks at them and shes still not a happy camper- then she runs up on Yuno with her sword and stabs him and then she leaves the room with a bloodied sword and Yuno is laying there on the floor while Shiori is in a panick and shaking him and pulling him into her lap all frantic like “are you ok?? Yuno!” And he was just groaning, not giving a response

Then the dream ended 🌚

IT HAD NO BUISNESS BEING SO INTERESTING AT THAT END BIT 😭😭

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #255

“who gives a fuck if they hate you; you’re the god that they pray to.”

How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed? It would suck. What was the last song you listened to that made you cry? I didn't like, sob, but "Another Life" by Motionless In White does it. Your ex REALLY needs you at 3am and you have a way to their house would you go? Well, I can't with Sara considering she lives two hours away, and that's by plane. If she lived here, duh. For Girt or Jason, yes. Without saying any names what is one thing that you would like to say to someone(s)? I'm sorry. Would your parents get mad if you got drunk while they were present? No. Would you date someone who lived in another state? Eh, maybe. I don't know if I want to do long-distance again. I mean I probably would, but idk. Are you friends with your ex? Sara and Girt, yes. Who is the person you last texted? Sara. When’s the last time you told people you were fine, but really weren’t? I dunno, I honestly don't lie about that often. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Months back when I found out the shit my therapist said about me and disability. Not only did I want to knock her jaw off, but I sobbed for like, a long-ass time. Who did you spend your summer with last year? Just Mom, really. ... Or wait, maybe that was the summer Sara was here??? My memory is such shit, idk if that was last year or the one before. What’s bothering you right now? Stress about dropping out. Have you lost friends in the past year? I don't think so, at least. Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out? We did date. If the person you’re dating said they were falling in love with you, what would you do? I'm not dating anyone. Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? Sara. Do you have a secret life? RP stays a pretty big secret. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yes. Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? No. What are you watching? Nothing rn, surprisingly. I'm listening to music. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yeah. There’s a serial killer in your house, what do you do? Jump out the window. If the last person you kissed went back to their first love, what would you do? I think I am hers. Do you own any bug spray? No, not currently. We need some damn wasp killer. Every spring/summer, they build a nest literally right above our back door. Are you a good gift giver? Honestly think I'm really good at it. I always try to put a load of thought into it. What's the longest trip you’ve ever been on? The drives to either NY or Florida. I can't remember which is further. Are you a daughter or son-in-law? No. Do you know anyone in the military? Multiple people. Do you like your significant other's siblings? N/A Have you ever received a singing birthday card? Yeah. Those always suck when you open them and boom, loud singing to an obnoxious song. Do you own anything made by APPLE? My iPod. Have you ever tried Hamburger helper? Yeah, that was a semi-frequent dinner as a kid. I never liked it that much, though. What was your first car's color? N/A Do you have a best friend? Ye. Do you remember who your Kindergarten teacher was? I do. Do you have a favorite president? A least favorite? No, considering I don't know enough about any and their policies. Can you french braid? No. Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? I was as a tiny kid. I met my first best friend that way. What's your least favorite color? I'm just gonna use the very basic colors: yellow or green. Do you know anyone in jail? Not currently. Do you have kids? Ew. What's the strangest name you’ve ever heard? Apples. Yes. I'm serious. How old were you when you learned to walk? Idk. Do you own anything made of lace? Yeah. What's your favorite football team? Idc. What kind of bubble gum do you chew? Just about any. Fruity is my favorite. Do you wear a one-piece bathing suit or two-piece, a speedo or trunks? NOBODY needs to see me in a two-piece. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. Do you support a charity? Well of course. I used to give coins to those super-old charity things for sick kids back in the day, but I can't remember the exact charity it was. I also donated hair to Children With Hair Loss a couple years back. I haven't donated to any other that I know of bc no personal income and I don't ask my parents for money really, but boy have I wanted to. I always use that Facebook feature where you pick a charity to share and ask for donations for your birthday, though; I've done the Trevor Project and one for pancreatic cancer in honor of my grandmother. I don't remember the others. Do you pop your knuckles? EW no please don't in my presence @ Sara. Do you scrapbook? No. I just don't have the creative drive and dedication to. If you could change your eye color would you and to what color? A much brighter blue. Have you ever had braces? For a long-ass time because we couldn't afford to take them off. One tooth is pushed too far back because of it. Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? No. I want to live in the woods where *that's* my yard. When were you the saddest in your whole life? 2016 OH WOWIE WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever seen a ghost? I definitely believe I have. Are you a virgin? No. How many books do you read a month? I like, just started reading again, so I can't say. Can you type fast? Very. In school were you bullied? I'm extremely thankful I wasn't. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yes, I love it. Do you own a boat? Not me myself, no. Dad does. What about a camper? No. Do you read the newspaper? No. Are you on any teams? Team Mystic in Pokemon Go *waggles fist @ criticism* If you died today where do you think you’d go? Idk. Who really knows what happens when you die. I hope it's some serene existence, but, *shrugs*. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Ummmm I don't think so. Who is the first contact in your cell phone? Best friend! :') What color are you bed sheets? The one I'm using now is light blue. Do you use online dating? I cannot FUCKING believe I was briefly on Christian Mingle I would actually rather die- How often are you sick? Extremely rarely. Did/Do you miss a lot of school? Eh. I had my mental health days and had to leave early a lot. Do you like scented candles? Yeah man. When was the last time you were told you were pretty/beautiful/gorgeous? When I recently changed my FB picture after forever. Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with? No. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Roman being silly. If someone were to ask you out right now would you say yes? I don't know. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yeah. Name four things you want right now: My fucking tattoo updated laksjdlflw, a healthy goddamn weight, my laptop, and a tarantula omg. Do you prefer to hold or be held? I mean, it depends on who we're talking about. I guess generally held? Are you currently wanting any piercings? You have no idea. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. What was the last thing that made you feel like your life was complete? lol I've never felt that. You ever slept on the floor with someone you liked? Yeah. Do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school? Off the very top of my head, no. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? One of my favorite pictures of Teddy, because I adore and miss him. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? Plaid. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? I mean, not especially. They're crowded and it's a bad association anyway since it was the last time I hung out with Jason. The cake is indeed the best part, lmao. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? American. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? Red, yellow, and blue. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? Very rarely. I'm not all that tall. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Carpet. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? No. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? As someone who is bipolar, very much so, yes. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I was fine. Do you like those "end of the world," "Armageddon" movies? Not especially. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? No. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, by far. Strawberries and broccoli. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: This is not intentional or meant to be discriminatory of those with 'em, but penises literally repulse me visually. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? Yeah, even though I'm scared. I think I say "hi" or "hey" most. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? Extremely heteronormative. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? HA no. I'm an anxious mess that is not fast or nimble in any way. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I like the reddish/yellowish ones. Do you live anywhere near a mall? Maybe like, 15-20 mins away. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? My mom. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? NO. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? Honey ham. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pencil, by far. You can erase. Scibbling stuff out looks messy. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I am NOT kidding: one of the motivating factors of me going back to public school after 8th grade was the idea of making new friends and maybe making a band to be the guitarist lmfao. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? I have multiple for different reasons, but #1's gotta be Mark, man. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? I was a really friendly kiddo. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? I don't think so. What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? Idk who that would be. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? I don't believe we have. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Jesus fuck, I wouldn't wish having an infected cyst drained without NEARLY enough numbing medication on the goddamn devil. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? Yeah. I like the chocolate sundae one most. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? MMMMMMMMMMM cool ranch. Usually soda with chips. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Ozzy. *shrugs* I like my online nickname and the "y" added sounds kinda affectionate ig. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? I don’t plan my outfits. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? No. What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? 2017. SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND HEALING!!!!!!! Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No.

[chewieisdead]

Endure

July 6th 2021 3:05pm

I can’t feel anything really. Literally I have felt like nothing and no one matters since she left me 4 years ago and have literally wanted nothing for years. Nothing tastes good nothing makes me feel joy anymore. I can see the beauty in life and I know how precious it is but I don’t feel any bit of it in my body or in my soul or whatever I keep telling myself it’s my ego harming me and that I just need another ego death experience. Because she’s happy and doing better now than I could have ever provided. I should be happy for her I should move on and enjoy the rest of my life. But I can’t enjoy anything. I felt comfort in being around Her a comfort very difficult to explain like I felt peace of mind and a peace from within. Like I could die and everything would be ok. Because I was loved and genuinely loved by her we helped each other grow in many ways good ways. We were alive and I became addicted to her presence but since she’s been gone it felt like a part of me got cut out or is missing and I’m like Velma searching frantically in an abyss trying to find my glasses only thing is I know they don’t exist anymore. But I’m left with the ghost or the memory of me literally needing them so I can see plaguing my mind everyday. Never letting me rest. I felt like I finally found a taste of Heaven. Something that made me think maybe god is real. To bring this energy into my life is something I’ve never experienced before. Such kindness and patience and care. Then for it to have turned on me so suddenly and out of nowhere. Treating me like a stranger and like an enemy no less. Like she waged a war on what she used to hold so dear to her heart. I was baffled and heart broken. Confused I laid at night wondering if she would ever come back home to me. She never came. Countless sleepless nights I had just hoping she would show up and say she was sorry and she didn’t mean to hurt me like that but that never came. Merely fantasies. She meant it every harmful painful word she attacked me with she meant it all. She didn’t love me anymore.

I had to respect her and her feelings I had too no matter what no matter how much it broke me. So I explained to her briefly that I will try my best to understand but that this action will be the most painful thing I will ever have to experience.

So the pain began 4 years ago and that little tug in my chest has never gone away feels like my heart wants to tear in half.

I tell myself each day I have to endure. I told myself this was going to hurt like hell.

So I had to still socialize with everyone still and that was the first time I ever thought of it in that way. I used to be excited to see people. Where now it was a chore to be around anyone to put on a front or a mask in front of everyone I have ever met.

Now regretting the day I ever met anyone other than her because it just meant I had to put on a mask because without my mask I would literally just be crying all the time. Like when I let my mask down near my family for the first time and tears were constantly streaming from my face. I was like a Debbie downer or a negative Nancy just killing good vibes everywhere I stood. The tears would swell up in my eyes and I would never let out a sound I just couldn’t hold back the tears. I wouldn’t whimper or cry aloud or anything like that. It’s just I couldn’t hold back the water works. Lol I could cry rn if I wanted too. Anyways I decided to put on a mask after interacting with them after she left me.

There is a saying that says time heals all wounds but it’s been four years now and I can still feel the day my heart broke like it was a couple of hours ago I was breaking all alone in a camper outside of rubens house.

I thought of how exhausting it would be to have to talk to people everyday and I thought hanging myself would free me from exhaustion. Would free me from pain. Would free me from literally everything. So I grabbed a strap from the truck and walked to hillpark a place were I used to be happy and I climbed a tree right next to the water fountain and made a noose tied it around a branch and put it on all I had to do was step off.

Most days I regret not having the strength and courage to let it all go.

I was a coward to fearful of the fact that I’ve seen a glimpse of the other side and remember there literally being nothing. No body just a soul in an abyss. For years. Left with my dread and anxiety and panic and fear ever growing. It scares me so much that I couldn’t step off.

I’m scared of being completely alone. I know that here there’s no possible way of ever being truly alone.

Sometimes I think I’m a soul in a brain in a body that allows me to sense everything around me and without it I’d be a soul floating in nothingness cause I can’t sense anything.

Fear of after death has kept me from suicide but the pain and lack of passion in anything from what I can only assume is ptsd has left it very hard for me to feel anything or care for anything has left me feeling like I’m trapped I can’t escape.

So once again I tell myself on this day. Endure.