#anyway. the intense dramatic romance of that first moment contrasted with how it ended is just 10/10

[badninken]

I did not expect the Cavendish/Law saga.

Cavendish (aka Cabbage), world's most prince charming gladiator, is carrying Law to safety after fighting and nearly dying and losing his arm and all that, but Law stops him and literally begs to be left behind because Luffy is still fighting and Law wants to see Doflamingo defeated with his own eyes and Law is almost crying and Cabbage looks into his eyes for a very very long time and then he's like:

"I can tell I won't be able to change your mind so I will stay and watch over you to fulfil this suicidal wish of yours but you'll have to deal with that if you're going to die, it will be after me."

And then he gently lays Law down on the grass by the sunflower field and sits down next to him with a serious expression and a firm sword thump to the ground, ready to guard Law with his life.

They have never met before??? Have they? Did I miss that while swooshing past literally every Cavendish scene without paying much attention?

Edit: they met before. on a horse. I literally posted a screenshot of it yesterday

In any case, Law gets his arm fixed and then we don't get to see what they're up to while everything else is going on. My guess is that Law does absolutely nothing. He's simply existing. Like a very intense and hard-thinking log full of pain and plans while Cavendish probably talks about himself.

Two episodes later, out of nowhere:

Law comes exploding out of a building and lands right on his severed and recently re-attached arm in front of passed out Luffy and his entourage, looking like fresh roadkill.

That's him!

He just really needs to be with Luffy he says.

One episode or so later:

And that was the Cavendish/Law saga 🌻

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Nobody asked for a Qi Ye reaction post but here one is nonetheless (at almost 1500 words.... hello.)

[~spoilers~]

One of the first things I can say is that I love love LOVE Priest’s writing style. It’s hard to say how much of this is a translation thing, because I did get the vibe that this translation was a lot smoother and better than the other cnovel translations I happen to have read. But god!! Her style is very densely allusive, and a challenge to follow at times, but so so beautiful. The story’s narration also shifts perspective a lot in the middle of chapters, which gives it this almost cinematic bird’s eye effect for me (except with internal-emotional states more than visuals). I can see it being the kind of thing that might bother people, but I love it – and I think that it ties in with the themes about the ephemerality and impermanence of life, and the way these little moments are all part of a much bigger sphere of existence.

I also like the way she does humour more than MXTX, honestly? I find the slapstick humour in MXTX’s works to be overdone and distracting from the other story and characterization work going on in her works. Whereas here, the humour landed more and also felt like it tied in more with the actual development of character and themes. Like, for instance, Liang Jiuxiao’s battle with the sable wherein he gets scratched every time and exhausts Beiyuan’s entire supply of antidote – it’s over the top, but also genuinely funny to me, AND I feel the comedic setup of Liang Jiuxiao constantly being an unwanted visitor contrasts very well with the entire heartbreaking scenario involving Beiyuan drugging him for Zhou Zishu, as well as his general progression from a Pure of Heart, Dumb of Ass archetype to being completely shattered by the evil and corruption in the world.

(The Sex and Kissing stuff is also, imo, more sensual and generally hotter to me than MXTX’s stuff – not trying to pick on her specifically, she’s just my only point of comparison for these novels.)

The main romance is ehhh… Mixed Feelings? I loved Wu Xi in all the parts he wasn’t playing the role of “love interest who expresses their love via violent jealousy”, but the parts where he WAS…. woof. Like, I don’t necessarily mind jealousy when it’s internal sensations, or when it’s a very intentionally fucked up dynamic, but I like it less so when it’s couple who’s riding off into the sunset and are the only foil to the general aura of melancholy and sadness in a story? Really hope that’s a one-off specific piece of characterization and not a general Thing for Priest…

I did actually like the gradual development of Beiyuan’s feelings, and the way there’s no Big Moment of Realization – or rather, there is a moment of realization, but it’s not super dramatic, it’s just sort of settling into something that’s been there awhile.

Another problem with their relationship for me though, I think, is how rushed the denouement of the book is, and how many important things are glossed over. Like, okay, they’re riding off into the sunset, but are they actually going to talk about the fact that Beiyuan seduced Wu Xi for Deception Purposes and then drugged him…? Taking advantage of Wu Xi’s very earnest and intense feelings in the process? Like, they stay in the capital for three months of negotiations before they leave, all while Wu Xi hides Beiyuan in his house – there must have been conversations and Relationship Negotiations? And yet we don’t See any of that, we’re just treated to them riding off in a carriage with some cheeky little line about how Beiyuan has the rest of his life to make things up to Wu Xi (presumably by having rough sex)… like ok.

The racism… there was a lot of it in the presentation of Nanjiang! I think the thing that stood out to me though was the line about Wu Xi’s having a kind of intuitive understanding of how people are (an intuition attributed to children, even!) despite not being cultured – it slots so perfectly into the kind of colonial propaganda that posits colonized people as having this innate, intuitive understanding of the world or connection with nature or what have you – but of course they’re not mature, they’re not cultured, they don’t have the capacity for rationality, that we do. To be fair, the line I’m thinking of is also applied to Liang Jiuxiao, but it is of a piece with how Nanjiang is characterized throughout the novel – like, oh, they’re so simple! When they like someone they just get married! It’s presented as a romantic ideal, but in a way that portrays Nanjiang as being Simple and Rustic and lacking the cultural complexity of the Great Qing. (Especially since we b a r e l y see the country or its people on the page.)

(Not to mention the way Wu Xi’s bodyguards from Nanjiang are portrayed as being confused and grossed out by him being in love with a man – contrasted with the commentary about how commonplace sex between men is in the Great Qing. Feels very like Nanjiang gets cast as less “enlightened��?)

I think those elements are also part of why the romance doesn’t fully stick its landing for me – because Wu Xi does take in and consider Great Qing cultural stuff, and incorporate it into his worldview alongside the influence of his home culture – and we don’t see Beiyuan doing something similar in return. He wants to leave for Nanjiang in part because he’s exhausted with capital politics and wants freedom, but why Nanjiang specifically? What does the country mean to him? How’s he actually going to fit in there? (This is another thing that also could have been filled in more with more actual writing about what goes down after that final battle.)

I honestly was deeply moved by Helian Yi. I shed literal tears for that man on multiple occasions. I do feel like I would have benefitted from more actual exploration of his past life-relationship with Beiyuan? Because as it was, I felt like that aspect of Beiyuan’s characterization was kind of informed rather than fleshed out – what did he see in Helian Yi in the first place? And I think the unrequited love would have been more poignant if we’d had more flashbacks to when it was requited.

Also, the possible-incest reveal?? What even was the point of that…? (I know people have posited that that’s why Helian Yi originally had Beiyuan killed, but with that final deleted-on-JJWXC extra I feel like it’s meant to be that he thought Beiyuan was responsible for Su Qingluan’s death. Another thing that should have been elaborated on, plot-wise…)

In general, the ending was very rushed. It gave me distinct “project due the next day” vibes.

ZHOU ZISHU!!!! – my main emotional engagement with this, tbh. I loved what was done with him, loved getting to see more of the atrocities he was behind (haha), loved the chilling “ends justify the means” ideological track he was on, loved how enmeshed he was in Hierarchy and political intrigue and how Carefully he handled himself around his social superiors… yeah.  

I am also…. Also losing my mind over the entire Vibe between Zhou Zishu and Liang Jiuxiao. Misplaced devotion… broken pedestals… weird subtextual hard-to-define Feelings... selfishly wanting to hide the worst parts of yourself from someone…. Ahhhhh it’s good. Love those intricate complex homoerotic friendships. If there Exists any fic (whether platonic or less so) that anyone wants to rec… pls do 👀

I have to say, another problem I had with the ending was that I don’t think the tonal dissonance was well-balanced. Like, there’s a very melancholy atmosphere for pretty much everyone except the main couple, and I do understand that their getting away from the capital is the only thing that engenders that happiness (as a big theme of the book is that the politicking in the capital is exhausting and demoralizing – and to my understanding that is similar to the themes at work in Faraway Wanderers.) But I don’t feel as though those two streams were working in communication with each other in the final chapters – I would say that the cutesy scenes with the main couple just felt jarring in contrast to the sadness and regret that permeated the rest of the narrative. I think perhaps they were too saccharine, rather than emphasizing escape and looking forward to different possibilities? I’m not sure. (It also seems questionable to present Nanjiang as an Escape, given that Wu Xi is in charge now?? They’re still right in the thick of politics?) Anyway, this all is why I like the placement of that final extra at the end of the narrative, because it Is a turning back to melancholia that I like to see during nominal happy endings.

[sternbilder]

Camille Has Many KDrama Thoughts

As some of you have possibly noticed, I have recently fallen into a KDrama hole and I can’t get up, and I have just finished my 10th drama, which seems like less of an accomplishment than I thought now that I say it out loud, but anyway,

As a checkpoint/thinly veiled plug of some shows I love very much, here is a very long post with some of my thoughts on all the KDramas I’ve seen so far, as well as what’s next on my list, in case you too were interested in joining me in nonexistent fandom hell!

So firstly, all of the dramas I have watched to completion, in the order of how much I like them. First, my top five:

1. Sungkyunkwan Scandal (2010). My #1 favorite drama to date. I’ve probably watched it in full 4-5 times, and it’s still an absolute treat every time. Is it the best drama I’ve ever seen? Probably not. But it’s so fun and charming that it’s just gotta be at the top of my list. 

The best way I can describe this drama is Ouran High School Host Club, except in Joseon era Korea, and instead of flirting with girls the main characters learn about Confucianism and solve mysteries and play sports (twice) and end up accidentally involved in a complicated political scandal. Also, that one text post about how Shang from Mulan is bi because he falls for Mulan while he thinks she’s a man...This drama has that, except actually canon. And while I won’t pretend this is show is a shining beacon of representation, there are multiple main characters who are explicitly not heterosexual and several others with very plausible queer readings, which earns it a very special place in my heart.

As for the actual premise of the show, it’s basically about a wonderfully determined and kind and clever but lower-class girl whose writing skills catch the eye of the most stubbornly strait-laced but idealistic aspiring politician-type on the planet. She ends up getting a one-way ticket to the most prestigious school in the country, except she has to pretend to be a man the entire time because women aren’t allowed to be educated at this time. 

It’s a bit of a silly, cheesy show, and here are many wacky shenanigans, but the main cast is full of incredibly highly endearing and multifaceted characters, there is a lot of sexual confusion, the slowburn roommate romance has an incredible payoff, and it’s also full of deeply moving social commentary about class, privilege, and gender roles. This drama is a blast and I could go on and on about what I love about it, I absolutely adore it to pieces.

2. Six Flying Dragons (2015-2016). I debated between this and Tree With Deep Roots (next on my list, to which SFD is a prequel) as my #2 but I do think I want to place SFD higher just because it's the drama that I keep thinking about even after finishing it. of course, it has the dual advantages of 1) being released chronologically later (and having better production value, etc., because of this) and 2) being twice as long, but there’s just so much stuff to unpack with SFD that it makes me want to keep coming back to it. 

The show is about the founding of the Joseon dynasty, and six individuals (half of whom are based on real historical figures and half fictional) whose lives are closely tied to the fall of the old regime and the revolution that brought in the new. It has an intricate, intensely political plotline based on the actual events that happened during this time, and though this may sound kind of boring if you’re like me and not super into history (admittedly, the pacing in the beginning is a tiny bit slow), it quickly picks up and becomes this dense web of character relations and political maneuvering. Though none of the major events should come as a surprise if you’ve seen TWDR or if you happen to already know the history it was based on, the show adds such a depth of humanity and emotion to every event and character that nothing ever feels boring or predictable. As a matter of fact, there are several events that were alluded to in TWDR that, when they actually happened in SFD, left me breathless--because although I 100% knew these were foregone conclusions that were coming up at some point, I still had a visceral moment of, “oh no, so that’s how that came to happen.” 

But though I really enjoyed following the story of SFD and learning about the history behind it, the highlight of the show for me is definitely the great character arcs. I loved TWDR’s characters, too (especially Yi Do, So Yi, and obviously Moo Hyul), but with double the episode count SFD just has so much time for rich, dynamic character development, and I absolutely loved seeing how these characters grew and changed over time when their ideologies and fates collided in this turbulent and violent age: How young and ambitious Yi Bang Won eventually spiraled into a ruthless tyrant, how the naive and kind-hearted Moo Hyul struggled to retain his humanity in a bloody revolution that challenged his values and loyalties to the core, how the fiercely determined and idealistic Boon Yi grew into a pragmatic and capable leader who comes to realize what politics and power mean for her and her loved ones. 

SFD was also everything I wanted as a prequel to TWDR--I loved seeing the contrasts between some of the TWDR characters and their younger selves in the SFD timeline: The hardened and ruthless Bang Won as a passionate and righteous adolescent, the cynical and resigned Bang Ji as a cowardly boy who grows into a traumatized and bitter young man, and my personal favorite character, the comically serious bodyguard Moo Hyul as the very model of the dopey, lovable himbo archetype. And though the ending was controversial among fans (particularly those who watched SFD first), I loved how it closed all the loops and tied it back to the events of TWDR, both providing that transition I wanted but also recontextualizing and adding new meaning to the original work. I think it's still a very good drama on its own, but this hand-off is what really sealed the deal for me personally, because it was not only super emotionally satisfying to watch how the stories connected, but it elevated TWDR to something even greater (suggesting that Yi Do and the events of TWDR was the culmination of everything the six dragons fought so long and hard for), which is exactly what I expect from a good prequel. 

I’ve already talked so much about this drama but I also do need to mention that the soundtrack to SFD is A+, and the sword fights are sick as hell. There is also some romance, though it’s not really a focus--and all the pairings that do exist are extremely tragic, which is exactly up my alley. Overall, this is a hell of a historical drama, coming of age, villain origin story, and martial arts film in one, and I highly recommend it.

3. Tree With Deep Roots (2011). The sequel to SFD, though it aired first chronologically. Although this show isn’t one of those shows that I could rewatch once a year like SKKS or keep ruminating on like SFD, TWDR (much like Les Mis, or Fata Morgana) is thematically the kind of story that just makes my heart sing.

The story centers around the creation of Hangul, the Korean alphabet, by Yi Do (a.k.a., King Sejong the Great, who is the son and successor of Yi Bang Won, the main character of SFD) as well as two fictional childhood friends whose backstories and ambitions become central to the story of how and why this alphabet came to exist. Not only is the actual process of creating this alphabet absolutely fascinating from a linguistic and scientific POV, but the show dramatizes Yi Do’s motivations in a way that’s so incredibly touching and human--portraying the king as a soft-hearted and extremely charismatic yet fundamentally flawed and conflicted figure who tries so desperately to do right by his people. 

The show explores both a number of personal themes like redemption, atonement, and vengeance, as well as broader societal themes such as the ethics of authority, the democratization of knowledge, and the power of language and literacy. Though the show never forgets to remind the audience of the bitter reality of actual history, it’s still a deeply idealistic show whose musings on social change and how to use privilege and power to make the world better are both elegant and poignant. 

Romance definitely takes a backseat in TWDR, even more so than SFD, though this isn’t something I personally mind. There are, however, a lot of interesting politics surrounding the promulgation of the alphabet, including a string of high-profile assassinations--if SFD is historical/political-thriller-meets-action-film, then TWDR is historical/political-thriller-meets-murder-mystery, and it’s an incredibly tightly written and satisfying story whose pieces fall into place perfectly. Though not the sprawling epic that SFD is, TWDR is an emotional journey and an extremely well-written story with a TON of goodies if you’re as excited about linguistics as I am. 

4. White Christmas (2011). My first non-sageuk on this list! White Christmas is, in a lot of ways, an odd drama. It’s an 8-episode special, and featured largely (at the time) new talent. it’s also neither a historical work nor romance-focused, but instead a short but intense psychological thriller/murder mystery. 

The premise is this: Seven students at a super elite boarding school tucked away in the mountains receive mysterious black letters that compel them to remain on campus during the one vacation of the year. The letters describe various “sins” that the author accuses the students of committing, as well as the threat of a “curse” as well as an impending death. The students quickly find that they’re stranded alone at the school with a murderer in their midst, as they are forced to confront their shared histories and individual traumas to figure out 1) why they’ve been sent the letters, and 2) how to make it out alive. At the center of the survival game the characters find themselves in is a recurring question: “Are monsters born, or can they be made?”

If you’ve been following me for a while, it’s easy to see why I was drawn to this drama. In terms of setup and tone, it’s Zero Escape. In theme, it’s Naoki Urasawa’s Monster. It’s Lord of the Flies meets Dead Poets Society. or as one of my mutuals swyrs@ put it, Breakfast Club meets Agatha Christie. The story is flawlessly paced with not a scene wasted. There’s so much good foreshadowing and use of symbolic imagery, and though I’ve watched it at least 3-4 times, I always find interesting new details to analyze. The plot twists (though not so meta-breaking as ZE) are absolutely nuts, and aside from the somewhat questionable ending, the story is just really masterfully written.

Above all, though, WC is excellent for its character studies. Though I typically tend to stay away from shows that center around teenagers because I don’t find their struggles and experiences particularly relatable, WC does such an excellent job of picking apart every character psychologically, showing their traumas, their desires, their fears, and their insecurities. We see these kids at their most violent and cruel, but also their most vulnerable and honest. Their stories and motivations are so profoundly human that I found even the worst and most despicable characters painfully sympathetic at times, as cowardly and hypocritical and unhinged as they became. 

Like I said, it’s only 8 episodes long with probably the best rewatch value on this list. My only complaints about it are its ending, as well as its relative lack of female characters, but otherwise I would absolutely recommend.

5. Signal (2016). Okay, this might be the recency bias talking because I just finished this series but I'm sure but I'm still reeling at the mind-screw of an ending and I feel like it deserves a place on this spot just for that.

Signal is a crime thriller based on a number of real-life incidents that happened in Korea in the last 30 or so years. In short, a young profiler from the year 2015, who has a grudge against the police after witnessing their incompetence and corruption twice as a child, happens to find a mysterious walkie-talkie that seems to be able to send and receive messages from the past. on the other end is an older detective from 2000 who tells him that he’s about to start receiving messages from his younger self, back in 1989. Through the seemingly sporadic radio communications, the two men work together to solve a series of cold cases, which begin to change the past and alter the timeline.

As they solve these cases, expose corruption within the police department, and correct past injustices, the two men (along with a third, female detective who has connections to both of them) also begin to unravel the mysteries of their pasts, as well as why and how they came to share this connection.

Like WC, the story and pacing of this drama were flawless, reminding me of an extended movie rather than a TV series. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, and the 16-episode run went by in no time at all. I always love timeline shenanigans and explorations of causality and fate and the consequences of changing the past, and this show has oodles of that peppered with the heartbreakingly tragic human connections and stories that the main characters share. The main pairing has great chemistry and gave me exactly the pain I crave from a doomed timeline romance, and the cinematography and soundtrack were also beautiful, which also contributed to the polished, cinema-like feel.

My only complaint is that I wish that the ending felt more like an ending, such that the drama could stand on its own. I do realize this is because there’s a second season coming, but right now the show feels somewhat incomplete, ending on a huge, ambiguous cliffhanger/sequel hook and with several loose ends. I obviously can’t give a final verdict until the entire thing airs (and I typically don’t like multi-season shows, so I will wait for the next season to come out both reluctantly and begrudgingly), but even where the show leaves off I still did enjoy it immensely.

...And now, some brief thoughts on the other 5 shows I’ve watched, because I ran out of steam and have less to say about these:

6. Healer (2014-2015). It’s been a few years since I’ve seen this show, but I remember being really impressed by this drama at the time, especially the storyline. Unfortunately though I don’t remember too much about the drama itself, which is a shame. It’s a mystery/thriller, I think, and there is hacking and crimes involved? The main character is a very cute and sweet tabloid writer and she falls in love with a mysterious and cool action boy who helps her uncover the truth behind a tragic incident that relates to her past, or something. Judging from my liveblog it seems like this was an extremely emotional journey, and I enjoyed the main couple (who are both very attractive) a lot, and it was just overall a cathartic and feel-good experience. I feel like I should rewatch this drama at some point?

7. Rooftop Prince (2012). It’s also been forever since I watched this show but I remember thinking it was hilarious and delightful and I definitely cried a lot though I do not remember why (probably something something time travel, something something reincarnation/fated lovers??). I do remember that the premise is that a Joseon-era prince and several of his servants accidentally time travel into modern-day Seoul and end up meeting the main character who is the future reincarnation of his love (?) and he is hilariously anachronistic and also insufferably pretentious, which the MC absolutely does not cut him any slack for, and they have an extremely good dynamic.

8. Coffee Prince (2007). I watched this around the same time as Rooftop Prince and I remember really enjoying it! it’s basically just SKKS, but the modern cafe AU, and I mean that in the best way possible? It definitely shares a lot of the same tropes--crossdressing/tomboy female lead, sexually questioning male lead who falls in love with her despite being “straight,” very good chemistry and also extremely charming secondary characters.

9. Shut Up Flower Boy Band (2012). This show...Was just OK. I enjoyed it at the time, but I can’t say I found it particularly memorable. As I said, I don’t typically find stories about high school students particularly relatable, and the battle of the bands-type plot was interesting enough at the time but didn’t really leave a lasting impression. As expected, the music was pretty good. I kind of watched this mostly to hear Sung Joon sing tbh?

10. Rebel: Thief Who Stole the People (2017). I wanted to like this show. I really did. I wouldn’t say it was bad, but the beginning was painfully slow, and I only really enjoyed the last 10 episodes or so, when the vive la révolution arc finally started kicking off. The pacing was challenging--the pre-timeskip dragged on about twice as long as it needed to, and I just wasn’t really interested in the Amogae/Yiquari storyline very much. I also really, really disliked all the romances in the show, especially the main pairing, since I didn’t particularly love either the male or the female leads until pretty late in the show. Overall I think I would have enjoyed the show more if the first 2/3 of it was about half as long, and it either developed the romance better or cut it out altogether.

What I’m thinking of watching next:

1. Chuno (2010). Mostly because the soundtrack to this show is so goddamn good, but also because I’m craving more historical dramas with good sword fights after SFD. I was kind of hoping Rebel would fill that need but I was a little disappointed tbh?

2. Warrior Baek Dong Soo (2011). Same reasons as above, honestly. also has a very good soundtrack, and Ji Chang Wook, who is a known nice face-haver, doing many very cool sword fights.

3. Mr. Sunshine (2018). Late Joseon era is something I’ve never really seen before in media so I’m pretty intrigued? Also Byun Yo Han was one of my favorites from SFD and I definitely want to see him in more things.

4. Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung (2019). A coworker recommended this to me and the trailer looks delightful. first of all it’s a sageuk with the gorgeous and talented Shin Se Kyoung in it playing a smart and plucky female lead, which have historically been extremely good to me, but also it gives me massive SKKS vibes, so how could I not.

5. My Country: The New Age (2019). This caught my attention because it’s based on the same historical events as SFD, so it features some of the same characters. I am very very interested in Jang Hyuk’s take on Yi Bang Won, even if he is less of a main character here compared to SFD, and he’s already an adult so he’ll already be well on his way to bastardhood. I also hear it’s very heartbreaking, which is instant eyes emoji for me?

6. Chicago Typewriter (2017). It’s about freedom fighters from the colonization era, which I’m very intrigued by after The Handmaiden and Pachinko, plus a reincarnation romance. I am very predictable in my choice of tropes. Also, Yoo Ah In is in it.

7. Arthdal Chronicles (2019-). Ok, it’s a gorgeous-looking historical fantasy set in Korea written by the same writers as TWDR and SFD, plus it has not just one but TWO Song Joong Ki characters, one of which is a pure, doe-eyed soft boy and the other an evil long-haired fae prince looking asshole who I hear is a complete and utter Unhinged Bastard Supreme. Nothing has ever been more Camille Bait than this, but unfortunately this show hasn’t finished airing, which does pain me deeply. speaking of,

8. Kingdom (2019-). It’s a fantasy sageuk with zombies, is about the extent I know about this show. The fact that it also hasn’t finished airing turns me off a bit but it looks absolutely gorgeous and I also just found out it was written by the same writer as Signal, so,,,,,,,,,

9. Gunman in Joseon (2014). I honestly don’t expect too much from this drama but I just enjoy its premise a lot? From what I understand it’s just Percy from Critical Role, but make it Joseon era.......Like, they just straight up took a Shadow the Hedgehog, “let’s make a sageuk, but guns,” approach, and I kind of unironically love that. Also the soundtrack kicks ass, which like...you can really see where my priorities lie here, huh,

10. Misaeng (2014). I don’t remember at this point why this is on my list but I found it in the Keep note I have of all the media I want to watch?? I have no idea what this show is about, except that it takes place in an office. Apparently Byun Yo Han is also in this one? I’m sorry this is the only non-sageuk or sageuk-adjacent show in this list, I know what I’m about, and it’s fancy old-timey costumes and cool braids.

[almighty-letu]

My little test subject: Chapter 15

Chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9, chapter 10, chapter 11, chapter 12, chapter 13, and chapter 14

Angsty Tomtord fic with slight Paultryk on the side.

Warning! This fic contains: Foul language, scenes of torture, use of medical tools, drug use, self-harm, suicidal tendencies, violence, self-neglect, blood, and a little bit of stockholm syndrome and force feeding. Viewer discretion is advised.

A cold bitter wind swept over the town like an icy wave. Patches of snow covered the streets and sidewalks, glittering under the sunlight. Cars roared up and down the roads spewing fumes into the air; visible by the contrast in temperatures.

Exiting the department store, Eduardo breathed out an exasperated sigh; releasing a puff of steam into the air.

He absolutely hates to be away from work for long periods of time, but Mark had insisted they go out shopping together today. Eduardo didn't mind too much at first, seeing as how he is running low on basic goods and needs to replenish his stock.

Loud chattering following close behind him elicited a tired groan from Eduardo, and he kept on moving.

"Wowie! I can't believe I never considered getting a membership here – this store has absolutely everything! And for such a cheap price too!" Matt exclaimed joyfully as he walked out of the store alongside Mark, carrying shopping bags on both hands.

Eduardo rolled his eyes and frowned. He couldn't understand Mark's logic of inviting the ginger doofus to tag along with them. Hadn't they agreed to only make peace with their neighbours? Why is Mark being so friendly towards the airhead?

If Eduardo had to make a hunch; he'd suspect Mark was just happy to find someone with shared interests to hang out and go shopping with. Now that they are no longer rivals, it seems that the two narcissists have found each other like in those lame soul mate romance novels and saw how much they got in common.

Of course, if Mark wants to go ahead and be pals with their neighbour, he is more than free to do so. Especially since Eduardo doesn't have to allow or forbid anything in his life. But does Mark have to try and involve him on it constantly?

He tuned out their voices as they continued on their way home.

Matt jovially laughed at their shenanigans. He'd been spending more time with the duo over the past week. Ever since they made peace, Matt looked forward to their next "self-care" session. Eduardo is still pretty terrifying and he doesn't stick around for very long for Matt to really interact with him; but Mark just naturally clicks with him. It's nice to have someone who understands you.

"Anyways, how is Edd doing?" Mark inquired Matt after their laughter died down. "I don't believe I've seen you two together once since we moved in."

At the question, Matt's stomach tightened and he avoided the blond's gaze; searching for something to say. "Edd is... fine, I guess." He mumbled. "He's been pretty busy lately, so I haven't seen him as much as I used to."

"Well, sounds an awful lot like a certain someone that I know." Mark shot a pointed glare at Eduardo, who walked a pace ahead of them and merely huffed in response to the comment.

Worry jabbed Matt's chest as he reflected back on his current predicament with Edd. His first and brief meeting with Reagan haunted him. He can't shake the notion that there is something deeper going on. He gave a lot of thought to this situation to find the best way to go about this without upsetting Edd, and in the end, Matt decided he'll talk to the brunet as soon as he can.

Doubt gnawed away at him. I just need to play it cool – act natural! Matt reasoned nervously the closer to home he got. Edd won't suspect anything if I'm laid back.

His thoughts came to a crashing stop when his feet suddenly slipped on the icy ground as they were crossing the street, and Matt fell forward. Letting out a startled yelp, he instinctively raised his arms out in front of his face as the ground neared. "Ah! Not the face!" However, a hard tug on the back of his coat quickly put an end to his fall.

Matt looked up wide-eyed as he was hauled back to his feet, and realized that it was Eduardo who saved him from a nasty fall.

"Watch your step, dumbass!" The burly brunet scolded.

Gratitude flooded through Matt and he nodded fervently. "Y-yes! Thank you, Eduardo!" He squeaked, shrinking back a little out of fear. Please don't punch me! He closed his eyes and begged silently.

But Eduardo simply released his hold on him and walked away. Matt blinked in surprise. He's amazed that he hadn't received a punch yet, not even once since he started hanging with the duo. Eduardo hasn't so much as raised a fist at him so far. That gave Matt comfort, though he's still pretty weary of him.

He continued to chat with Mark for the reminder of their journey home, talking about more beauty tips and things they could do together.

"I guess I should start getting dinner ready, huh?" Mark spoke up, looking down at his watch as they climbed the steps to the hallway of their home. "Since it's pretty cold today, how about we have a good ol' beef stew?" He suggested.

"Sounds good to me!" Eduardo agreed. Being so busy with his work and having no culinary skill whatsoever, it's times like this he really appreciates his companion's wonderful cooking ability.

"You are invited to join us if you want, Matt." Mark continued, turning to address the ginger next to him. Eduardo resisted the temptation to roll his eyes and groan in frustration.

"Oh! Thank you!" Matt sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "I'll just… I think I will check on Edd first, and see how he is doing."

Mark nodded in understanding. "No problem. It will be a while before dinner is ready, but I'll leave my door unlocked for you!"

"Good! Guess I can take this chance to get back to work while we wait-"

Eduardo was about to stalk off to his own apartment when his ear was grabbed and pulled back abruptly by none other than Mark.

"Oh no you don't!" The blond man admonished. "You're not getting away so easily this time, Eduardo! I already let you off the hook last time and I had to set everything up by myself. But today you're going to help me prepare dinner!"

"Ow! Are you mad?" Eduardo exclaimed indignantly, trying to pull away. "Do you want me to set the food on fire?"

Mark huffed as he dragged the protesting brunet by the ear to his apartment. "Don't be so dramatic! It's high time you learned how to cook anyway."

Matt giggled as he watched the pair argue. They seem angry at each other, but he knew this quarrel was entirely good-natured. Mark and Eduardo have the tendency to get into a lot of arguments with each other for the littlest things; but they never escalate to dangerous levels.

When they had gone, Matt quickly put away his shopping bags aside, and padded up to Edd's apartment door. "Edd?" He called out and knocked. "Are you there? I'd like to talk to you." He pressed his ear against the door.

"Come in!"

Hearing the muffled cheery greeting through the door gave Matt hope. He must be in a good mood today!

At the invitation, Matt walked right in. The room was bright, the curtains drawn back to let sunlight filter through. Seated in the dining table, Edd leisurely sipped a mug of coffee with a steaming plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast in front of him. Ringo weaved her way around the chair, tail held high as she rubbed against her owner's leg.

"Hey Matt!" Edd smiled and waved tiredly.

Mirroring her owner's voice, Ringo meowed a particularly loud greeting as well; melting Matt's heart. But he did not gush over her for long, as his gaze settled on the contents on the table.

"Hey! Uh, are you… having breakfast right now?" Matt couldn't help but ask, confusion evident in his voice. It's nearly four in the afternoon, for crying out loud!

Edd chuckled. "Yeah. I woke up a little while ago." He broke off into a yawn. "I came home later than usual last night."

The brunet seems so upbeat as he scarfed down his meal. Matt can't recall another moment as of late where Edd behaved like his old self. This was how he used to look, back when there were three of them; for a while, after Tom's death, Matt had been afraid that this Edd had vanished forever.

Upon closer look though, Matt realized there were dark bags under Edd's eyes. Sensing his stare, Edd blinked back at him. "What is it?" He asked, words muffled by a mouthful of food.

"Were you out with Reagan last night by any chance?" Matt asked.

"Yup!"

"But I thought you only went out with Reagan on Wednesdays and Saturdays?" Matt inquired, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He is pretty sure yesterday was a Tuesday.

"I do. But apparently a client of Reagan's or something cancelled their plans together, and he invited me to hang out instead." Edd explained calmly, taking another bite out of his meal.

Pulling out a chair for himself, Matt sat down next to him; remembering his own advice of playing it cool. Since they're on the topic of Reagan, he might as well just go with the flow from here. Matt took a deep breath. "So… who exactly is this Reagan fellow anyway?"

He looked down at his hands nervously, bracing himself for Edd's humour to drop – thinking perhaps he overstepped his boundaries in asking. But when Matt looked up again, there was nothing in his friend's eyes except for intense interest.

"Reagan… well, he's an… interesting guy." Edd began coolly. "To be honest, I am not entirely sure what he does. But he is staying in town for a little while." He paused to take a sip of his coffee. "He doesn't know his way around the place, so he asked if I could be his guide during this period, and I said yes."

Matt thought over his words carefully. "Oh so… this isn't a permanent thing then?"

"Haha no." Then Edd's expression darkened as realization dawned on him. He had been having so much fun going out with Reagan, he hadn't considered that the Irishman isn't going to stick around town forever. What will he do when the time comes to say goodbye? "No I… I guess not." He muttered dejectedly, his posture sagging.

Sensing his sudden shift in humour, Matt panicked; desperately searching for a new topic to change to before things go downhill. But his mind was running so fast he couldn't think of anything appropriate to say or do. What do I do?

"Mrrrow!"

Coming to his rescue, Ringo hopped onto her owner's lap and peered at the food intently. Edd laughed, running his hands through her soft tabby fur. "Why you cheeky little thief! You've been eyeing my breakfast this whole time, haven't you?" He teased, blocking the food out of Ringo's sight. She mewed indignantly and tried pawing his hand aside. "Don't be so edgy! I just filled your food bowl. It's over there if you're hungry."

Matt laughed as the brunet placed the cat back on the ground. Thank you, Ringo!

"Anyway, what have you been up to?" Edd asked casually.

"Oh, nothing much honestly." Matt confessed, leaning back on his chair. "I haven't added anything new to my collection of trinkets in quite a while now. I've been hanging around Mark and Eduardo a lot lately. And there isn't anything new to watch on Webflick either-"

"Wait, what?"

Matt went rigid with alarm. Had he been too laidback? "What?" He echoed in confusion.

"You've been hanging with Mark and… Eduardo?" Edd spoke the last name with a mixture of venom and disbelief in his voice.

"Yeah?" Matt still wasn't sure what the big deal is. "I already told you they don't plan to bother us anymore."

Edd frowned. "And you believed them? I thought you knew better than that by now, Matt." His words caused a twinge of hurt within the orange-haired man, making him wince. "I mean, I can kinda understand you and Mark getting close; being vain and all that. But Eduardo? Really?"

Matt felt as if something massive got lodged in his throat. This wasn't how he had intended their talk to go. "They're not so bad." He began defensively, shifting around in his seat with clear discomfort. "I don't get to interact with Eduardo all that much, I will admit. But he hasn't done anything so far, and Mark is actually a really smart guy! They even invited me to have dinner with them – why don't you come join us for once? I think if you just try and give them a chance, you might find yourself warming up to them too."

But Edd wasn't so easily convinced. "Are you kidding? Eduardo and I in the same room? That's just asking for trouble!"

"It really isn't!" Matt insisted, frustration welling up inside of him. He so desperately wanted this arrangement to work. Maybe then Edd wouldn't need to keep going out with Reagan. "Eduardo won't even so much as glance at you; he's far too busy worrying about his mysterious job to say or do anything."

Sighing in defeat, Edd closed his eyes and leaned back on his chair. For a couple heartbeats, neither of them spoke. Then Edd turned to face him again. "Fine. I will... consider what you said."

Matt smiled, his heart fluttering with hope.

"But as for today, I think I will have to decline the invitation."

"What? Why?"

Edd stretched his arms. "I just woke up! I want to get some commissions done before I go out tonight."

"You mean… you're heading out with Reagan again?" Matt stared at him, huge eyed with dismay.

"Yup!" His friend drank the reminder of his coffee, none the wiser to the ginger's concerns. "I mean, I can't just say no now - Reagan is expecting me to meet him today. We'll probably eat junk food somewhere and get drunk-"

"I think you're making a big mistake, Edd!"

A voice suddenly exclaimed, and Matt realized with horror that it had been him. He slapped a hand over his mouth. His concern must have driven out all thoughts of being tactful, or of not upsetting Edd in the process. But it's too late to take it back now.

Edd stiffened and stared back at him through narrowed eyes. "What are you talking about?"

Matt took a deep breath. "About Reagan." He confessed, ducking his head nervously.

"And what makes you say that?" Edd sounded as calm as ever.

Gulping, Matt hesitated and shifted on his seat. It seemed clear that blurting out his suspicions the way he did hadn't been exactly the most sensible way to go about it. But I can't stop now. I have to tell him what I think!

Edd waited in silence. Matt couldn't tell what was running through his mind. "I am not… entirely sure. But when I met him I just didn't feel right about him." He went on, nervously aware that it was too late now to change his mind. He really regrets not having rehearsed this conversation prior this talk now. "There's something undeniably off about him – I can't exactly put a finger on it."

"So I'm supposed to take your word for it just because you have a bad feeling about him?" Edd asked, his voice still deceptively calm, contrasted with his rigid posture and glaring eyes. "No offence, Matt, but you only met Reagan for a total of two minutes. It's not exactly enough to judge a person's whole character off of."

"I know, I know! But I can't shake this impression that Reagan might be up to no good; and that you might have some part to play in it somehow." Matt continued. "Don't you think it's a tad strange to spend so much time around someone you hardly know? You don't even know what he does for a living! For all we know, he could be dangerous and involved in some shady business."

As he spoke, Edd began to look troubled, narrowing his eyes so that only the faintest sliver of brown showed in his eyes. He let out a long sigh. "I can see how in your point of view Reagan could be seen as suspicious." He murmured. "We haven't gone in any adventures for a while. Heck, I believe this might be the first time we've actually sat down and talked to one another. But there's no need for you to be jealous."

"Jealous?" Matt parroted incredulously.

"I see now that I have been ignoring you for a while, and I'm very sorry for that. I promise I'll make it up to you soon." Edd went on as if he'd never spoken. "But you don't need to hold it out against Reagan. He's a real swell guy!"

Matt blinked, incapable of believing what he was hearing. Could it be true his suspicions had been only conjured up by his envy towards Reagan? He literally has nothing else going against the Irishman but his first impression of him. Aside from that one time, he knows nothing about him. Who is he to judge? It is true that Matt misses spending time with Edd just like they used to. He supposed Edd did have a good reason to think he is jealous.

A twinge of apprehension flickered in Matt's belly as he remembered the look in Reagan's eyes when he and Edd had walked out the door. Those vibrant green eyes had glowed with mirth and something akin to triumph, Matt is sure of it. His gut was telling him that the Irishman should not be trusted, and he must somehow convince Edd of that, for the sake of his safety.

"You've… changed, Edd. I feel as if you're not the same person anymore. Truth be told, I'm having a hard time confiding you with anything because… I- I'm- I am always afraid of how you're going to react." He ventured. "We've only just started getting over our grief and get back on our feet when this guy shows up out of nowhere. Don't you think that's even a little bit odd?"

Edd looked up at that; his eyes trained forward with interest. For a heartbeat Matt hesitated to continue sharing his concerns about Reagan, but his determination to keep his friend safe gave him the courage to go on.

"I know I may not be the most reliable person you can count on. I forget things quite often, I'm clumsy, I mess up a lot – believe me, I get it. But we've been friends for a really long time now; so much so that we are practically family at this point." Matt didn't dare mention how short their already small family has become, and simply moved on. "We've been through adventures and hardships together, travelled through thick and thin and to hell and back again – literally! We trust, confide, and look out for each other no matter what! I don't have any definitive proof, but I just know for a fact there is something suspicious about Reagan. I… I don't want to lose you too! Please trust me, Edd; I really think you should stop seeing him. I sense something bad is going to happen if you don't." He gazed at him imploringly.

For a few heartbeats he thought Edd had not heard him, he was so still. Then he pushed his chair back and rose from his seat, staring at him with a stone cold expression. "And you fully expect me to stop meeting Reagan altogether just on the assumption that you have bad vibes about him?"

Matt blinked. "I just thought—"

"This isn't what I expect from you, Matt!" Edd growled. His usually warm eyes glittered like ice. "You would do better to mind your own business than to come here telling tales about Reagan." He studied him for a long moment. "Don't you trust me to take care of myself?"

"I—I'm sorry!" Matt stammered. "But I thought I should tell you the truth."

Edd let out a long breath. All the interest he had shown before had vanished, leaving his expression cold and remote. "Go." He ordered. "I'll talk to you later. And never—never— mention this to me again. Do you understand?"

Matt stood up wearily and began backing out of the room. "But what about Reagan? He—"

"Just go away!" Edd spat the command.

Wincing, Matt's feet scrambled against the wooden floor in his haste to obey. Once out of the apartment and closing the door behind him, Matt came to rest when he had put a good distance between himself and Edd. He felt utterly bewildered. At first Edd had seemed prepared to listen to him, but as soon as he suggested he should stop seeing Reagan, he had refused to hear any more.

A sudden chill swept through Matt. For a short time, Matt had let himself hope that he could make Edd understand how dangerous the Irishman could be.

God damn it! He thought. Now he won't hear another word against Reagan. I blew it!

Confused and unhappy, Matt made for Mark's apartment, almost unconsciously. Like the blond man had promised, he kept the door unlocked for him, and Matt walked in dejectedly. While Mark worked on the stove, Eduardo was busy cutting vegetables. There were several ingredients gathered in front of him.

"See how easy it is? I told you could manage!" Mark nudged his partner encouragingly, eying Eduardo's progress with approval as the brunet handed him a portion of sliced carrots to add to the stew. Mark wore a frilly white apron as he cooked. "Honestly, you were so stiff at first it was like you were genuinely expecting the vegetables to spontaneously combust or something!"

Eduardo grumbled under his breath and obediently continued slicing more vegetables.

Matt numbly stood there and watched them for a moment without speaking. He felt sad, drained after the quarrel with Edd. He couldn't help wishing it were Edd and Tom here cooking together instead of Mark and Eduardo.

Choking down his anguish, Matt offered to set up the table; hoping to take his mind off things and move on with his day.

(Meanwhile…)

Soft snores echoed faintly throughout the room as Tom peacefully dozed off, a book sprawled over his chest, Tomee bear clutched close in one arm, and a dribble of drool trickled from the corner of his mouth. The door to his quarters slides open with a hiss, and a shadow falls over Tom's unconscious form.

Nearing the bed where his test subject laid, Tord paused to study him. Look at this lazy ass motherf#cker. He snickered quietly, watching the steady rise and fall of Tom's chest. He'd come to escort Tom to his soldier training, only to find the eyeless man in the middle of a nap instead.

Any other day, Tord wouldn't think twice about jolting Tom awake to get on with their schedule for the day. Tord is a busy man, after all. However, looking down at Tom's relaxed expression as he slept, Tord's features softened and he couldn't bring himself to do it. He's so… cute!

Tord shook his head to clear away the intrusive thoughts. What am I saying? I am the Red Leader for goodness sake! I can't think like this.

Deciding to get this over and done with before his thoughts can betray him once more; Tord hastily adjusted the settings on his mechanical arm. The repulsor on the palm of his hand switched to a speaker, and Tord chose the 'air horn' setting.

Lifting his hand close to Tom's unsuspecting face, Tord grinned. Just like old times.

He braced himself and blasted the obnoxiously loud air horn noise through the speakers in his hand. Tom instantly shot up from his bed in alarm, falling off the side of the bed with wide eyes as he whipped his head around wildly.

"Wha- what?! What's happening?!" He asks panickedly, still bleary from sleep.

Tord couldn't help but burst into laughter at the Brit's dazed reaction. Tom's gaze finally fell on him, and putting the pieces together he glared at the Norsk.

"Rise and shine, soldier!" Tord grinned.

"What the f#ck, Commie?" Tom scrambled to his feet, clearly irritated by his rude awakening. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, especially not without the Dreamcatcher device, but this was still a pretty awful way to wake up to.

The Norsk stared at him in amusement and chuckled. "Somebody's cranky."

"And somebody needs to shut f#ck up." Tom fumed.

"Oh come now, Thomas; don't be so offended." Tord soothed, programing his arm back to the repulsor. "It if makes you feel any better, I play this exact same trick on Paul and Pat when they think they can sleep in!" Before they moved in to the same quarters, that is. "Now come, we have training to do."

Tom caught up with Tord as he headed for the long corridor and fell in step behind him. "Will Paul and Pat be joining us?"

Tord replied without looking back. "I've ordered them to help ensure that everything is top notch with the rest of the base. It's going to be just you and me."

Tom's heartbeat quickened and he gulped at the notion of being left alone with Tord. If something were to go wiry between them – and it very well could, given their relationship – there won't be anyone to help Tom if Tord decides he's had enough. Tom will just have to tread carefully from here on out. In theory, Tord won't hurt him unless he is provoked; so as long as Tom reframes from doing stupid sh#t he should be safe.

"What do you mean? Isn't that our end goal? ~" The voice pointed out with a scornful hiss, trailing a set of sharp fingertips teasingly along the side of his throat. Tom winced. "So what if it comes sooner? I say you mock him to your heart's content and just spill out everything you ever wanted to tell him right to his face before he pulls the trigger. ~"

Right, because that's not f#cking suspicious at all. Tom retorted dryly despite the fact that the voice's nails were digging into the flesh of his neck; drawing blood. He could feel the warm liquid tickling down onto his shirt but Tom elected to ignore it. This won't be the first time today that the voice will shed his blood. Even it isn't real. I have to play it cool. One wrong move and Tord could very well decide that any threat over my life won't be enough for my cooperation. Besides, not even Tord's anger management issues will be enough for him to lose all reason and kill me.

He heard the voice tsk in distaste. "Excuses, excuses… you'll run out of them sooner or later, but it will be far too late for you then. When that happens…I will be there to remind you of your place. ~" Tom could sense the voice grin against the back of his neck right before a set of claws scored down his back in a quick motion; from the base of his neck all the way down to his waist. Tom whimpered and the voice disappeared, its foreboding warning still ringing inside his head.

Returning to reality, Tom and Tord walked together along the large hallways of the lab level. Tom's mind raced as he shot quick glances in Tord's direction. This will be the second training session he's having with Tord; and if things weren't awkward enough before, they are definitely so now after their chat in the test room. What does he have in store for me this time? By the time they reached the training room, Tom's nerves were skyrocketing but he succeeded in maintaining his expression nulled.

They made their way across the immense gym toward the fighting ring that stood elevated just a meter above the ground. Tom followed Tord as he climbed the small steps leading into the ring and jumped over the railing into the cushioned arena.

"Now Tom, as a soldier it is important for you to be prepared for anything. Everything counts in the battlefield and you must be ready to face it." Tord explained as he strolled to the centre. "You can't be expected to rely solely on anything else aside from your own wits." He went on, turning to face him. "Depend too much on your gun, and when you find yourself without it you'll be done for. Like I said; anything can happen. Run out of ammo, get disarmed, captured, yatta yatta you get the idea." Tord raved on, twirling the fingers of his robotic hand in a dismissive gesture. "And sure, you'll be fighting alongside the rest of my army, but that's still no excuse to slack off. Teamwork may be key, but don't be surprised when you have to fend for yourself at some point."

Tom began to tune Tord out as his vision darkened once more. He whined as the all too familiar sensation of sharp digits grabbing hold of his shoulders made itself known to him.

"You hear that? Don't depend on anyone else. ~" The voice cooed mockingly into his head. "You are on your own. If you can't do things by yourself, don't bother asking help from others. You'll merely burden them more. ~"

"I want to concentrate on your fighting skills, and I want you to concentrate on them too—which means no distractions." Tord continued, pacing back and forth in front of Tom, emitting an air of authority to him.

"No one cares about you other than what you possess. ~" Whispered the voice, another set of phantom hands wrapping around Tom's waist while one sharp digit trailed his jawline and another pierced the flesh of his cheek. "If it weren't for the valuable serum currently running through your veins, believe me, people would not bat an eye if you were gone. As they should! ~"

Sudden movement flashed right in front of him. A blur of blue and red whirled past his nose, and Tom fell backwards as his feet were knocked lightly from underneath him. He landed flat on his back over the cushioned mats of the ring. Before Tom could get a chance to properly recover from the blow, the wind was knocked out of him by a heavy boot pinning him down over his ribcage. Gritting his teeth in irritation, Tom glared upwards to see Tord towering calmly over him. "Do I have your attention now?" He growled, although his one visible eye sparked with mirth.

Blinking, Tom realized what had just occurred and composed himself. "Yeah, you got me. Now let me up!"

Tord pursed his lips, as if genuinely considering the idea. "I'll let you up, if you address me properly." He smirked.

Rolling his non-existent eyes, Tom grumbled. Tord leaned downwards while simultaneously increasing the pressure of his boot over Tom's ribs. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Mind speaking up a little bit more?"

Clenching his eyes shut, Tom hissed at the building pain in his lower abdomen. At least the Commie managed to shut the voice up. He acknowledged, before sighing in defeat. "Sorry, Sir! It won't happen again, sir!" Tom growled hastily, glaring into his gray eye.

Satisfied with his answer, Tord lifted his boot off and stepped back. "That's better." The Norsk murmured, watching Tom stagger to his feet. "As I was saying; Thomas, you have been with us for many months now. Although you were never directly involved with any of the army's activities, you are no stranger to this type of environment." He commented, referring to their little adventure in the army countless years ago. Ah, the fond memories! "You have had some fighting experience; you are familiar with guns and… other weapons." Tord's voice slightly lowered, and Tom did not need to be a genius to know what he was implying with that remark. "Not to mention that you are quite clever and agile… when you want to be, that is."

Tom crossed his arms and stared at him deadpanned. "Are you going to keep on babbling or are you getting somewhere with all of this?"

He received a cuff to the back of his head for his snarky comment. It didn't really hurt, since Tord used his organic hand – it's more of a reminder to keep quiet and listen when the leader is talking. But Tom found himself rubbing the sore spot with a frown regardless.

Shaking his head, Tord tutted. "Patience is a virtue, Thomas. A virtue you unfortunately do not possess an abundance of." He went back to pacing. "Where was I? Oh yes! You are quite the formidable opponent when put in the right circumstances. But one day you will meet an opponent who is all of these things as well, and perhaps so much more – quick, fierce and clever." Tord noted, his voice lowered to an intense hiss. "And it is my duty as your leader and mentor to prepare you for that day."

Tom nodded, surprised to find himself so caught up on the Norsk's words. It's not in any way normal to hear Tord compliment him; and gathering from past experiences, Tom knows this doesn't usually end well for him. Tom's senses were fully alert, and on guard.

"Show me how well you fight." Tord ordered. "Attack me. Try to pin me down."

Tom blinked. Usually he would be static at the chance of punching Tord's stupid smirk and face in, just to payback for all the sh#t he pulled. But Tom couldn't help but hesitate, his fingers curling into fists in a repeating motion. There's something undeniably suspicious about this.

"Really? Just like that?" Tom raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"What else is there to it? A kiss on the cheek for good luck?" Tord argues, shrugging with indifference. He then smirks. "I didn't realize you would be so scared of going up against a half blind amputee, Thomas."

"Shouldn't you begin by teaching me some basic moves? Jumping straight to fighting seems really out of left field!" Tom tries to reason.

"I'm sorry, which one of us runs an army?" Tord remarked with a chuckle. "We both know you are not defenceless, Thomas. Before I can start teaching you I would like to see what level your skills are right now, so that I may pick up from there. No point wasting time teaching you things you already know." He explained coolly.

Seeing no other way out of this, Tom scoffed and rolled his non-existent eyes. He decided not to give Tord the benefit of seeing him flustered and just get this training session over with as soon as possible.

Narrowing his eyes and getting into focus, Tom analysed Tord's form, sizing him up and wondering the best way to go about this. Tord wasn't much bigger than himself; but what the Norsk lacks in height he makes up for it in muscle, surely. Nearly ten years leading an army – Tord can't possibly be weak.

Tom's mind flashed back to the incident when in a fit of rage he'd ripped out Tord's eye patch and invoked the Norsk's wrath. Perhaps because at the time Tom had been so weak and malnourished, but Tord definitely isn't someone he ought to mess with.

With that in mind, it would be a waste of effort to begin with mere punches and wrestling. The next best thing Tom could think of would be to aim for one side. But which one? Tord may be blind on his right side, but Tom isn't foolish enough to think that the Norwegian man would let himself be open to attacks with such a weak spot being exposed. Not to mention that his right has the deadly, metallic hand; currently flexing his fingers with anticipation and making faint whirring sounds.

"Today if possible, Thomas." Tord teased, taking notice of the Brit's clear discomfort and frustration as he could practically read his every move.

Grumbling a low growl, Tom shifted his attention to the Norsk's left side. Looks simple enough, aside from the aforementioned muscle strength. But here's the thing; would Tom rather be hit with a very probable painful punch to his face from a hand made out of flesh and bones, or from a robotic fist made out of hard metal and steel?

"What's this? ~" The voice returned to haunt him. "Afraid of a little pain? ~" Tom could practically feel it grin right up against his ear, and he suppressed a shudder.

Ignoring the voice's sharp claw-like nails grazing over his injured back, Tom focused his attention back to training. Perhaps if he could trick Tord into going a certain direction, while aiming for the other one, Tom could go behind his back and unbalance him with a powerful enough blow.

With a plan set in mind, Tom braced himself. Disturbingly enough, Tord hasn't taken his silver-gray eye off him for even an instant. Tom stared back at him and dashed forward.

He pretended to aim for Tord's right, and when the Norsk tries to block his blow, Tom would divert to his left on the last minute to land a punch on his side.

But Tord was more than ready for him.

Rather than blocking Tom's feint attack, like he had been hoping for, Tord lashed out with his robotic hand and tried to punch him square in the face.

"What the-?!"

Tom abruptly halted, blinking in confusion and barely managing to dodge the strike. He tried to retract his steps and go the other way around, still going along with his plan, only for Tord to block his path and grab a hold of him; easily flinging him away. Tom felt he had been knocked away like a bothersome brat. He hit the cushioned floor hard and lay winded for a moment, catching his breath, before scrambling to his feet.

"What the hell?!"

"Interesting strategy." Tord commented slyly. "But you'll have to try a lot harder than that. Again!"

Getting over his initial shock, this time Tom looked at his shoulders but aimed for his legs. When Tord attacks, Tom would knock the legs from underneath him as he ducks. Tom felt a surge of satisfaction as he charged, but it turned into confusion as Tord unexpectedly sidestepped out of the way and let him skid his leg into nothing where he had stood just a heartbeat before. Tord timed it perfectly – and before Tom could catch his bearings and formulate another plan of attack, Tord landed a kick with painful precision on Tom's stomach; knocking the wind out of him.

Panting, Tom staggered backwards with a wild look in his eyes. He spotted Tord coming his way, and in his haze, succeeded in blocking a couple of punches until Tord head-butted him, and pushed him backwards. Stunned, Tom fell on his back as Tord pinned him down, squashing the breath out of him.

"Now how about you try something I won't expect, hm?" Tord hissed into his ear, climbing off him and backing away with a challenging gleam in his one gray eye.

Tom scrambled up, panting, and shook himself crossly. He hissed and charged again. Tom was determined to win no matter at what cost. But Tord is just as equally determined to not go easy on him, or let him win at all.

Tord remained absolutely still, not moving a muscle as he watched Tom get nearer. Fuming, the test subject tackled him head on and tried to use his own weight to bring the Norsk down with him. However, Tord had endured the force of the impact with his legs digging into the floor. He watched with blatant amusement, as the other man tried in vain to overpower him. He is slowly, but surely succumbing to frustration. Tord mused. He almost felt bad for Tom at this point, seriously considering going a tad bit easier on him.

Well… Almost.

Keeping one of his legs tightly secured in the ground to keep his balance, Tord twisted his other one around Tom's, and used his hands to shove him away. Tom staggered backwards, tripping over Tord's leg in the process. He tried to regain his balance last minute, to stand up and keep fighting, but Tord kneed him in the gut and he flopped heavily onto his back.

"Thomas."

Above the roaring rush of blood pulsating in his ears, Tom barely managed to hear Tord's soft voice above him. Blinking his eyes, Tom saw the Norsk extend his robotic hand out to him. Knowing he didn't have the strength to get up by himself at this point, Tom accepted the offer without complaint. Once the Brit's hand was in his mechanical one, Tord hauled him up until he was back on his legs. Still stunned and dizzy, Tom nearly fell again until Tord grasped his shoulders to keep him steady.

A hand gently grasped Tom's chin, and raised his head to make eye contact with the Red Leader. "Tom, listen to me. You're strong and quick, but you must learn to keep control of your speed and body weight so that it's not so easy for me to unbalance you."

Tom batted the hand holding his chin aside pathetically. "Isn't all this a bit too much?" He complained, still panting. "I mean, what are the chances we fight other soldiers like this? In a real war, everyone is going to be equipped with guns; at least I sincerely hope so. Also, even if we're unarmed, the other troops will surely have guns and they'll kill us way before we get the chance to get near them and do something. So, I don't know, this all seems kind of pointless to me."

Tord chuckled. "Trust me, you'll be plenty thankful to have this set of skills on you if the occasion ever arises." He continued. "It may sound silly and improbable at first, I know, but it is a training requirement for any army and I cannot just overlook it." Once he was sure Tom wasn't going to topple down if he lets go of him, Tord walked away to stand on the opposite side of the ring. "Whenever you are ready, try again."

Tom backed away; hot, sweaty, and out of breath, until he found himself leaning against the elastic ropes of the arena. Groaning in exasperation, frustration raged through him. He just wants to get this stupid training session over with, so he can go take a shower and return to his quarters for a quick nap before his dinner arrives. Now more than ever, Tom is determined to get the better of the Commie.

He took his time in recovering and made another quick observation of his opponent, searching for any weaknesses he could exploit to his advantage. Standing all the way over to the opposite side of the fighting ring, Tord was stretching his limbs, popping some of his joints in the process. Tom watched him with something akin to fascination. The Norsk looks so at ease, and confident in his abilities. Was there even a bead of sweat on his face? The long, cobalt blue coat really made Tord's overall form and shape stand out. It gave an empowering and dominating air to him, but also graceful and elegant too. Sure, Pat and Paul wear them too, but for an unknown reason Tom thought it looked a lot more appealing on Tord.

Feeling reinvigorated now, Tom snapped his mind back on track. "I'm ready now."

Tord shot him a brief glance. "Well? What you're waiting for, Thomas? An invitation?"

Narrowing his eyes at Tord's teasing comments, Tom rushed at him. The Red Leader smirked and positioned himself into a defensive stance. Once he was within proximity, Tom raised one fist and swung it towards the Norsk's left cheek. Tord ducked to avoid his strike and raised his robotic hand, ready to swipe down right onto Tom's head. Thinking quickly, Tom fell back to the ground to avoid the blow, and in one fast movement, struck his legs forward to kick Tord straight on the gut. Taken by surprise, Tord hissed as he felt all air be knocked out of him. He doubled over and staggered backwards. Tom took his chance now that the Norsk is momentarily winded, and he swiped his leg against Tord's own.

Tord was knocked down and fell back onto the cushioned floor with a grunt.

Tom flipped himself over and leaped to his feet. He felt jubilant. He observed Tord's form, lying down completely still with the exception of the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in heavily. Tom approached him, his movements sluggish from fatigue, and yet for the first time in a long while he actually felt proud of himself.

Towering over him, Tom found Tord's one visible eye glinting proudly back at him.

"That... was much better." The Norsk puffed, out of breath. Tom smirked just a tiny bit, and lends him a hand, to which Tord gratefully took. Tom heaved him up, helping Tord to his feet as he adjusted his uniform and hair. "But you forgot to pin me down. That was a mistake."

Smirk wiped away instantly, Tom got no time to react as Tord pulled him forward hard, knocking him to the ground, then retreated and let Tom pick himself up before rushing at him again. Tom braced himself for impact, but Tord bowled over him easily.

"Look at my size, Thomas! Don't try to stand up against my attack. Use your wits!" Tord instructed, pinning him down with his boot. "If you are fast enough to avoid me, then avoid me!" He stepped off.

Tom scrambled to his feet again, preparing for Tord's next attack. This time he didn't dig his heels into the cushioned floor, but stood lightly, keeping his weight on his toes. As Tord advanced toward him, he hopped neatly out of his path, and struck out a punch against the side of Tord's face, sending him spiralling onward past him.

Tord regained his footing and whirled around to face him. A sly grin on his face as he rubbed his sore cheek. "Excellent! You learn quickly." He praised with glinting gaze. "But that was an easy move. Let's see how well you deal with this one!"

Tord sprang at him, slamming into Tom's side and knocking him off his feet. Tom writhed as he was firmly pinned down by the Norwegian man. Tord's silver-gray eye stared back at him when a mischievous expression crossed his features.

No harm in teasing him a little bit, right?

"Say, does this remind you of something?" Tord purred with mock contemplation. Tom stopped struggling to look up at him in confusion.

"No? Not really?-"

He cut off abruptly when Tord deeply inhaled, his nose scrunching up and his throat rumbling. Tom froze, his eyes widening. He knows exactly what the Commie has in mind. The snicker-snag!

Back when they were teens and started living together, it was common for Tom and Tord to get into lots of petty arguments and fights to breakout between them for the littlest things. Tord especially liked to tease Tom by pinning him down and subject him to a snicker-snag; a disgusting move where he would dangle a thread of saliva over his face until it eventually falls, and slobbers him. At the time, Edd would usually come to his rescue before such fate could happen. But Edd isn't here to save him now.

With that in mind, Tom's panic kicked-in and he started to trash around wildly, trying to escape but to no avail. His struggles only escalated when Tord began to droop the bead of drool, inching closer and closer to his face. "No! No! No!" Tom screeched, shaking his head frantically as his mind went haywire the closer the strand got until he couldn't take it anymore, and simply turned his head away. Eyes clenched shut as he waited for the humiliating defeat with one last desperate scream.

But it never came.

Tord slurped the thread back before it could reach Tom, and stared down at him as he laughed. "Jesus, Tom!" He wheezed. "With the way you're screaming it sounds like I'm subjecting you to some painful torture! Not a snicker-snag!"

Tom opened one of his eyes and gazed back up at him, annoyed that he's being made fun of, but at the same time relieved Tord wasn't going to go through with it. Or so he thought, before Tord's laughter died down and he let his saliva hang from his mouth once more.

"Oh c'mon!" Tom renewed his struggles, writhing beneath Tord from side to side to try and slip away. "Since when are snicker-snags included in soldier training, for f#cks sake?!" He hoped Tord would pull the disgusting slob back up again to give some witty remark, but unfortunately Tord merely chuckled and continued his insistent teasing.

In a last desperate effort to escape this awful humiliation, Tom thrust his legs up hard into Tord's belly, successfully throwing the Norsk off of him. He miraculously managed to dodge the droplet of spit at the last second, twisted and jumped to his feet before Tord could catch him off guard.

They continued training for hours in that gym. Without even feeling the presence of time pass between the two of them, they kept sparring for the reminder of the day. They laughed and bantered through the many punches and kicks being thrown at each other, but there was no sign of animosity between them. Only competitive playfulness.

All previous thoughts of suspicion, defiance and disdain have disappeared. There is only now; Tord and him, facing each other.

"That's enough for today." Tord stopped and gathered to his feet.

Tom couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief. He's completely spent after today's workout. Though he would personally never admit it out loud, he enjoyed the training session with Tord. Mostly because it was the only chance he got to pummel his fist in Tord's face without any repercussions after holding in his anger this whole time. But there was also this underlined pleasant sensation Tom couldn't possibly ignore that manifested sometime during training.

It felt weird.

He followed Tord out of the ring. The Norsk seemed a little tired; stiff and with a slight limp but he still walked with grace. Tom fell in step next to him, panting heavily and still a little exhilarated from their training.

"Good work, Tom. You did great today." Tord began as they walked into the hallway.

Tom glanced at him and scoffed. "Yeah right! I couldn't even manage to pin you down!"

Tord chuckled. "To be fair, no one can. Maybe Paul can, but he hasn't so far. When I set the challenge for you I knew you wouldn't succeed, but I wanted to see how you would try to anyway; and just as I expected, you did not disappoint." He went on. "You get frustrated very easily and that tends to cloud your judgment when it matters, but you are a quick learner and that'll be essential for the rest of your training."

Only half-listening at this point, Tom realized something strange. He wasn't feeling the least bit tired; in fact, Tom felt quite the opposite. He feels as if he could run laps around the track all day, his feet skimming the ground as the exhilaration of speed coursed through him, and Tom had a feeling he could stand up to anything. This sensation was new and refreshing to say the least. Tom wanted more.

"Hey Tord." Tom spoke up after a few brief minutes of silence. "Am I allowed to use the gym whenever I want?"

Tord glanced back at him questioningly and hummed. "I suppose."

"Then if it's all the same to you," Tom stopped walking and glanced over his shoulder. "I think I'll head back and train a little more by myself."

Tord stared at him in surprise, and then Tom glimpsed a flicker of disappointment in the Norsk's eyes before he settled for a calm demeanour and a lazy grin. "As you wish. But don't be surprised if you get a scolding from Patrick later for overworking yourself. I practically have to put up with it every day!"

Tom forced himself to chuckle casually before whirling around and going back the way he came. Something about Tord just then unsettled him. Why did he appear disappointed so suddenly? Tord had that exact same expression at the end of their talk in the test room. It had been brief, but it was still there.

Is Tord expecting something from me? Tom couldn't help but wonder. If so, what?

(Meanwhile…)

Reagan whistled a happy little tune as he led Edd toward their destination for the night. He couldn't stop thinking back to the ginger-haired man he encountered a few days ago. It was hilarious how awfully easy it was to unsettle him, and he can't wait to play more games with him in the future. Will he be brave enough to even try? Or will he stand back and watch as I steal his friend away? Reagan snickered quietly to himself. He surely can't wait to see.

"Hey Reagan, are you sure you know where we're going?" Edd's voice cut through his musings and he glanced back at him over his shoulder. "I must admit I've never been to this part of the town before, so I am kinda blind here."

Reagan clasped a hand on his shoulder dismissively. "Don't worry. I've been to this place a bunch of times over the past few weeks – I practically know this area like the back of my hand at this point."

Edd blinked in surprise. "Really? Why?"

The Irishman hummed pensively, grinning as he fished his pocket for a cigar. "Work related stuff, mostly."

They continued walking through the suspicious looking neighbourhood. Despite Reagan's reassurance, Edd remained on high alert; his brown eyes flicking all over the place.

The buildings they passed by were old and rundown, their windows cracked or barred with wooden planks. The streets they tread in were narrow and dark with barely any light posts to illuminate the way. The farther they went the fewer cars seem to drive by the area, leaving them in an eerie silence with nothing to take its place.

It was only when a bottle shattered ominously close by their location, startling Edd so badly he visibly jumped, did he finally voice his increasing worries.

"Reagan? Are you absolutely sure this place is safe? Because I got a really bad feeling…"

Expecting to hear another reassurance to calm his nerves, Edd was completely unprepared for Reagan's response.

"Well… I said that I know this place – didn't say anything about being safe."

"What?!" Edd exclaimed only to slap a hand over his own mouth in fear of attracting unwanted attention. He grabbed Reagan by the shoulders and started shaking him in desperation. "You mean to tell me we are currently walking through a danger zone and you are okay with this? Are you mad?"

Reagan stared at him wide eyed before smirking. "This is the fastest shortcut that I know of. Plus I thought you trusted me, Eddie. I would never lead you into danger on purpose unless we didn't have any other choice. But I promise you, as long as you stick close to me, we are safe." He brushed Edd's hands off his shoulders. "Trust me."

Edd stepped back hesitantly, still unnerved by the reality of the situation. "I do trust you, Reagan. It's your judgment that worries me a little." They resumed walking. "I mean, what if we get jumped on by a mugger? Or surrounded by a gang of bandits? Or worse?"

"Calm your tits, Eddie. I'm sure we'll get through this just fine."

"You know, there's been a lot of rumours and sightings of a beast wandering the area. Well, it's been a while since the last report, but in any case, I think we should be careful-"

"Beast? Seriously?" Reagan interrupted, rolling his eyes. "Where the f#ck are we? The eighteen-hundreds? Sh#t Eddie, I forgot my pitchfork and torch at home – guess we're f#cked!"

"I'm serious! People got killed by whatever it is, and it was a huge deal a while back. It kinda became this town's version of the Mothman or Bigfoot; everyone knows about it."

"As fascinating as it sounds, I'm still confident we got nothing to worry about." Reagan eyed him curiously. "You seem to know a great deal about this case though."

"It was all over the news when it first started occurring; it's kinda hard to not pay any attention to it when it's everywhere! Besides, it's quite an interesting case." Edd half-lied.

True, he had watched the news back when everything first happened, but Edd had never given the situation much thought. He was concerned for Tom and Matt's wellbeing at the time and often cautioned them to be careful. Then there were no more news about it and Edd thought everything was all good again.

Until Tom died that is.

When Edd finally snapped out of his denial, there was a stage in his period of grief where he tried to find the culprit behind his friend's murder. During his search, Edd had stumbled upon many articles surrounding the mysterious cryptid but Edd instantly brushed it off. Not that he doesn't believe in the supernatural in any way – his adventures have more than proven their existence. But it's highly unlikely this creature had anything to do with the situation, since Tom's death did not match the description of any of the other victims. Still, didn't stop Edd from doing his research on the matter.

"But I don't think we got to worry about anything. No one's going to jump us, and if they do, I'll make them regret it." Reagan's voice cut through his thoughts, jerking him back to reality.

"How can you be so sure?" Edd prompted.

Reagan gave a low chuckle. "I got… briefed before arriving in this town. Let's just say I know exactly what I am dealing with." He then paused, his tone taking a serious turn. "But I can't guarantee your safety if you decide to come here on your own for whatever reason. So I advise you to stay clear from this area when I'm not with you, or you're going to get beaten to pulp with an inch of your life left."

Before long they finally reached the end of the dreadful alley and left the horrid neighbourhood behind them. Edd released a sigh of relief when Reagan nudged him, prompting him to look up.

Their destination turned out to be a bowling alley. Reagan thought it would be fun if they played a few rounds and ate Chinese takeout together. Edd squinted as he took in his surroundings. The dim lighting combined with the harsh neon lights that bordered each one of the bowling tracks and walls hurt his eyes, and the obnoxiously loud pop music that blasted from the speakers didn't help matters. It genuinely feels as if they're on a rave rather than a bowling alley.

They sat in a booth on the far side, closer to the lanes and away from the other players in the establishment. While Edd busied himself on setting all their food down, Reagan went ahead and got the game started.

"And… strike!"

The blond flicked his hand forward and released the ball, flinging it across the smooth lane with such strength it thundered loudly above the blasting music. However, contrary to the Irishman's wishes, the ball dashed straight to the gutter and harmlessly passed by the pins.

Reagan frowned. "Boo! Game's rigged!"

"Tough luck." Edd chuckled, opening the last of the food wrappings.

"It's your turn now." Reagan turned to him, holding a bowling ball out for Edd to take. The brunet swallowed.

"I, uh, why don't you go ahead and play my round as well? I'm sure you can make a strike this time!" Edd suggested nervously.

The Irishman raised an eyebrow and scoffed. "That's not how this game works, Eddie." He shoved the ball into the Brit's hands. "C'mon! I'm the one paying for all this; the least you could do is try and enjoy yourself!"

Shoved closer to the lane, Edd staggered forward and approached wearily. He had never gone bowling before – In the past, Tom would forbid Edd and Matt from ever stepping foot into one of these establishments. It's not like he's here to complain now. Edd thought uneasily as he crouched into the address stance. Still feels wrong to be here playing though.

Pushing his nagging anxiety aside Edd held the ball up to his face, preparing to throw. However, as he peered at the dark holes of the ball, it appeared to shift – morphing into a face with empty eyes and spiky hair, glaring back at Edd as if scrutinizing his actions and a pang of guilt scorched through the brunet. Edd leaned closer to the apparition, yearning for the real thing to manifest out of it and change his reality from what it currently is.

"Hey Eddie, are you gonna throw the ball any time soon or are you planning on frenching it first?"

Reagan's teasing jab cut through Edd's thoughts, effectively erasing the illusion and jerking him back to reality. Blinking rapidly, Edd hastily threw the ball and watched as it went straight for the gutter.

"Yeah, sorry… I'm not very good at this game." Edd laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly as he tried to brush off his embarrassment. "I think I will just... sit down and eat instead. I'm really hungry. Maybe you should take a break too?"

Reagan stared at him intently for a couple of heartbeats before shrugging. "Whatevs, Eddie. I am gonna keep playing, if you don't mind."

However, not a minute later and Reagan called it quits when the ball went to the gutter again. They sat down on the booth and began to chow down their food and talk.

"So Reagan, what did you do before coming to this town?" Edd asked through a mouthful of food.

Reagan tsked. "You know I'm not allowed to answer that."

"Oh not work – I mean, like, life in general?" His earlier argument with Matt caused a bit of unease within Edd. He knows Reagan better than Matt does, that's for sure, but the Irishman is still as enigmatic as the day he first met him. The weight in his conscience would lessen considerably if Reagan were to shed some light into his background.

Humming deep in thought, Reagan tapped his chin repeatedly. "Not much, honestly." He took another forkful of his meal. "Just hopping from one place to another, looking for new thrills, hang around for a while before eventually moving on to the next best thing. Guess I was kind of a wanderer before settling for my job."

Edd contemplated his words. "Sounds nice, but also a bit lonely though." He stirred his food with one fork. "Don't you have a family to get back to? Or a home, or something?"

"What? And be tied down to only one place and having to depend on others all the time? Pass!" He scoffed, raising his chin. "I can't think of anything worse than being held back by others when you can accomplish so much more out of your life. I like to be free, thank you very much! I met a lot of people in my travels, and I can tell you, no one sticks around forever – and hey! Life is short! Can't afford to settle for a handful when there's a whole world ripe for the taking." He finished his speech with a wide grin on his face. "Why despair when there's a bar in every corner of the world?"

Edd opened his mouth to protest, but stopped short when Reagan reached for one of the fortune cookies. Rather than cracking one open to take the fortune from within, like you're supposed to, he simply tossed the full thing in his mouth and started chewing without a care in the world. Edd stared at him wide eyed.

"Reagan… you do know that's not how you eat fortune cookies, right?"

The Irishman stopped chewing, staring back at Edd in confusion. "What you mean?"

Flabbergasted he was actually going to have to teach such a basic concept to someone who claims to be so independent, Edd took the remaining fortune cookie and cracked it open; taking the slip of paper to demonstrate.

"Oh!" Reagan deadpanned in understanding. He stuffed his fingers inside his own mouth, poking around the mush of food inside. Edd nearly gagged in disgust and had to look away. Reagan finally pulled out the wet slip of paper from his mouth. "Blimey! You mean to tell me all these years I've been eating fortune cookies wrong? Well, this is embarrassing."

Edd chuckled half-heartedly, brushing the incident off. "So what does it say?"

Reagan unfolded his fortune to read, flicking away the bits of food clinging to it. "The greatest danger could be your stupidity." He deadpanned, earning a chortle out of Edd. "Aiight, sounds sensible enough. What about yours, Eddie?"

The brunet unwrapped the slip of paper eagerly. "All things are difficult before they are easy." His smile fell as he read the words out loud, the phrase resonating within him. It seems things are always difficult. He thought frustratedly. The image of a ginger-haired Brit smiling brightly back at him flashed in his mind, and Edd shifted in his seat uncomfortably. I shouldn't be here.

"I think I'm gonna head back home now." Edd stood up from his seat, ready to leave.

Reagan's head snapped up to look at him before he'd even finished his sentence, giving him a look; one that says he'd mistepped. Instantly, Reagan's hand shot up to grab Edd's elbow to stop him. "Whoa whoa whoa! Not so fast, Eddie." He spoke coolly. "Are you forgetting that I'm the one paying all expenses here tonight? After all the trouble of booking a place for us, you mean to tell me my money is going down the drain cuz you can't put up staying out a little bit later?

Silence descended between them like a thick fog, and stayed for a full minute as Edd contemplated his words.

"C'mon, Eddie!" Reagan grinned, tipping his head lazily to one side. "Where's your sense of adventure? Live a little!"

Edd bit his lip. He squirmed uncomfortably under that smile; it made him feel like a dull-witted child who still needs parents' permission to stay out late with his friends, and a tight knot of anxiety congealed in his stomach. Giving in with a small sigh, Edd shrank back into his seat and dropped his gaze, sipping his cola from time to time to relax.

"You know Eddie, I gotta be honest with you man, from one friend to another; but I think you might be just a little bit too uptight."

"Huh?"

"I mean, just look at your lifestyle!" Reagan motioned to the Brit's entire being. "You are an artist, hoping to strike big someday, and maybe even find yourself a fancy lady to court – or dude; I don't judge! – And you are really open with people." The blond narrowed his eyes. "And that's dangerous."

Edd stared at him, perplexed by the Irishman's way of thinking. "What do you mean?"

"Well, how many other people out there do you reckon have the same goals as you do? It's gonna be a competition, regardless if you think you got talent. Someone out there could be even better, and what will you do then?" Reagan kept going, acting composed and laid back as he delivered some harsh truths to really knock some sense into Edd's reality. "Put it this way, Eddie; you keep letting people in, you are just asking to get yourself hurt. I speak from personal experience that they will leave you in the end – one way or another."

Contemplating his ominous words, Edd couldn't help but tilt his head to one side. "Why are you telling me this?" His eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, watching Reagan tip back his head and take a massive gulp of his beer.

"Because we're friends! I thought that was obvious enough by now. I care about your wellbeing, especially since you lost a friend not too long ago, and I don't want to see you get hurt." Reagan responded as he slammed the tankard on the table, oozing confidence to back up his words. His tongue swiped around his lips briefly to clean away the foam the tasty beverage had left behind. "Those rose-tinted glasses you have on can only take you so far before it becomes too much for you to handle, so I advise you to start building some walls."

Edd drank his cola, unsure of how to respond and just letting Reagan's advice replay in his head. "Kinda bleak way of viewing the world, don't you think?" He speaks at last, a small faint smile on his face as he tries lightening the mood. "The world is pretty harsh, and life can be tough on us; but it's not all bad! There's so much more to it."

"Sometimes people die, sometimes they live, and sometimes they break apart." Reagan murmured coolly, slowly churning the beer in his glass. "In my line of work, you know, you learn the worst of humanity, and you sure don't see a lot of best to balance it out."

His sombre tone convinced Edd that he was speaking from personal experience. He felt a sharp prick of curiosity, wondering for the life of him what could Reagan's mysterious job be, but Reagan said no more, and Edd didn't feel that he could ask him about it.

Last time I asked you all on your update preference: long pause followed by weekly updates, or irregular updates like I've been doing so far. I read each and every one of your comments, but in the end the majority of you have decided on weekly updates. So after this chapter, I will take a long break and write up to 5 or 6 chapters and then start updating the story again at a later time. I will announce the return date in the next chapter! So please don't think this story is dead, cuz it's definitely not, k?

And with that, I ask you this; how much of what Reagan is saying do you believe is true? 

[usernamingishard]

Life is a montage: atleast mine is

 As a child I had a strong connection to film, stories, books and cartoons. But first, let me take a moment to describe that any matter, any entity, any item or concept, any notion or instrument is but a branch, with many branching leaves or sometimes further branches. A computer is not just a computer, it's also what that computer can do, it's also what that computer is made of, it's also a single technological advancement amid a timeline of others, it's also a conversation about the gadgets available for the youth. So when I say I had a strong connection to film, stories, books and cartoons, I don't mean just the narration of other's lives through whatever media available whether that media is a book or TV show. What I mean is, I am interested in the concept of three act structure, I am interested in the concept of reocurring themes, I am interested in the power and effect of framing, I am interested in the expression of emotion through facial expressions in movies, and sound effects in cartoons. I spent my childhood delving into stories of heroes, of villains turned good guys, of Romance, of the friendship between a boy and his dog, of how people go through heartache, of how High school is going to be, of what bullies look like and how to stand up to them. I see Movie, Books and cartoons (I'll call Media for short) in every day life, and I see every aspect of my life in Media. This could be called natural, everyone has had their head wrapped around something as a child, but Media is different in that it is an expression of life itself, so in these 50 years since the first product of film, and thousands since the first written word, every part of life has been incorporated atleast once. It'll be very hard to remember a concept or matter or life event that hasn't been mentioned in one way or another in a movie, let alone books. Technologies' effects on life? Black mirror is a single example. Hitler or pearl harbor? Inglorious bastards and a movie of the same name. Coffee? I think you can take a few minutes to find a movie where a character invites to have coffe or drinks. Standing up to bullies? I guess all/most of the superhero movies? However, when Media express them, they express them in such dramatic and impactful way, and I learned that, and incorporated it into my expectations. each wink furthers or enhances the plot, each misstep or stutter is exposition about the character, each door opening scene is suspense. Naturally, the way the plot moves also becomes of the things that I expect in life. There's a happy ending for every plot and subplot, the main character (easily known to be me) gets the love of his life, and there's a solution and reason to this emptiness I feel inside me.

But real life? It's nothing like that. Many times a family member may make me doubt myself without even them actually being toxic, nor should I leave them, nor do we solve their attitude, either by talking or actual effort, unlike any of the movies I've watched. I've never had a relationship no matter the efforts I've payed into the few crushes that I've had the past few years, even though that's how all books end. And the personal flaws in the main character have been with me since childhood, unlike any of the comic book characters I've read grow over them. And worst? Music doesn't play whenever something important happens. Life feels unscripted, random, inconsiderate, unfeeling. I feel out of place so often that I don’t consider myself to be a normal neurotypical, even though I most probably am. However, none of this compares to the aftermath of my last crush. For reasons I shan't delve into, I very vigorously wished to accomplish having her by my side, and as such, turned her standards into my own goals, and became obsessed with bursting through limits not set for me. All through that period, and a few months after rejection, I was left clueless. I had a line to success that I was not on, neither at the failing side nor at the successful side. I felt out of tune. I knew I wasn't a man, and I knew I wasn't human. because I set my whole world on that scale that I was not even in league with. I wasn't under her standards nor was I above, I was her friend. A different zone, you could say. She appreciated and loved me without the hope of being her lover, but I didn't acknowledge that. During that year, nothing made sense, everything I've ever seen in a movie or a book or a TV show was far from applicable to my life. There were no happy endings, no retribution, no closure infact, no good music, no starry skies, no good times with good friends, no family bonding moments. I spent that period just attending school and sleeping. A lifeless robot going through the norms. Meanwhile, inside me was something heavy crushing against my ribs, that although heavy, was empty.

So, I learned to not think about it. This was a very hard lesson that I learned to master. I cut off from my crush for a while,  got busy in friends, in anytime I had outside, in any small accomplishments I can consider. Slowly I started to acknowledge the good little things, such as that one positive friend, listening to a good song without interruption, and having lunch with the family after being too hungry at school. I acknowledged throughout that whole time that a girl wasn’t and couldn’t have been the reason behind the way I feel. It’s just that life didn’t go my way for the millionth time, and that was just my last straw. I accepted that life has no absolutely no algorithms, artistic cycles or patterns, in other words no set series of events and experiences, reocurring themes or chronological set of circumstances and changes. As I said, I started to appreciate the little things, and accepted that this is all there is to life. No big event or shocking marriage or solution to a world problem, just a good cup of coffee every once in a while, and a new gift from a good considerate friend every other.

There's a drug in Egypt called Hash. I suspect that it's nothing more than a less intense version of weed, and those who I know tried both have said the same, but that’s not scientific evidence so I can’t say anything for sure. Basically, a high means any train of thought is 1. Unstopped, you can get to as deep a level as you’d like in thinking about something, and 2. It feels right. No matter what’s the issue you’re thinking about, you’re right to think about it now, you have the solution to it, it doesn’t feel out of place, and you’re accepted. But the train of thought can be anything. That’s why my friends who are there for the laughs can joke with each other and laugh for hours, while I can literally watch a movie and feel so ingrained into it. Mind you, not a movie on TV, a movie through my eyes. And that was my high, but lemme start from the beginning.

I was with a friend, and another called us, told us he has some stuff to try, so I told him to come. It wasn’t a blunt, it was a pure piece of the stuff, that we could put in a cup, hang a cigarette between the walls of the cup, and burn the Hash. You close the cup with a wallet or anything really, and when there is enough gas collected in there, u remove the wallet and inhale. We did that, playing nothing else matters by Metalica. A friend was laughing in silence, and the other was having red eyes and staring into the wilderness, and I was completely sane and normal. when the hash was snuffed out, they fished out the cigarette and gave it to me. I smoked it, when for some reason the latter half of the cigarette fell. I looked at it, and in a single moment I felt like I didn’t have within me the energy to pick it up in a million years. Thankfully my friend did, and gave me ashtray and told me to snuff the cigarette out, it’s done. I did as commanded, laid my back to the chair’s back, and everything cut to black.

What I thought being on drugs would feel like, was exactly what I felt. Although I have zero memories of this time and instantly woke up to people trying to wake me up, I remembered later feeling absolutely enthralled and impressed at every thought, and the sheer force of final solution that I had reached. I didn't have a single speck of trouble finding the solution to anything I thought, and I was so accurate. Nothing else matters, who does it represent to me? Of course my best friend from high school. Why? Well easily because when the singer says "never cared for what they do, ... what they know" we had a conversation that was just like that. And of course it makes sense that in this moment of high, I'd think of him, because he's the type of best friend I'd wanna show this feeling to, and because his moral compass might challenge the idea of smoking anyway, and indeed I felt like I did not at any moment question if this is right or wrong and just jumped into it. So it's natural that that thought would affect the next one.

What you just heard was flawless argument. There was no pressure to find the right thing to say, no wait process, and not a single moment of loss where something feels out of place or is the wrong answer. After I woke up from the black, I found that I was crying my balls out, and my two friends were trying to wake me to see what's up. They took me to the bathroom to wash my face. You know that dramatic scene in a movie where you look in a mirror and stare real hard so you start to regain control? I did that. My friend said salty things wake you up, so he brought us a sandwich. You know the after credits of The Avengers, how after all the thrill and action of the fight, the next scene to contrast that was the Shawerma scene? That's exactly what I saw, one friend munching in silence as he looked at the ground, the other contemplating god knows what in the sky. To almost make me regain consciousness the friend who brought the stuff went "what y'all just went through, that's trippin'", kinda like how a mafia guy goes "it's alright you have nothing to worry about all you need to do is etc, etc." And that's exactly what I was describing in the beginning. Every single breath these guys took, every single moment of silence, every chat was something out of a movie, and I was having the goddamn time of a lifetime. I was giggling like a lunatic, and at one point raised my hand and made a frame as if I'm filming them, zooming with my eye at the person who's speaking. Everything about a movie, I was so in control and comprehension of. For example, I once was sitting with some people at a pool. I'd look at the pool, the green, blue aqua lights, together with the waves of water would feel so serene and calm and beach like. I'd feel alone, relaxed, sleepy, everything you ever heard about looking at the beach. Then I'd flip my head 20 degrees to the left, and I'd see my friends. Even though we're still at the pool, the scenery changes so strongly, I'd suddenly feel more awake, feel a crowd of people even though there's only four others, feel socially awkward as I usually am around people. Feel the colours change towards orangy red. Look back to the pool, get sleepy, serene, quiet, look to the friends, feel awake, hyper, attentive, awkward. I also did that a couple of times because I was so amazed at how strange everything that was.

I smoked a whole bunch of times since then. I can't put the things in words that would do it justice.

Now, returning to my normal life, something quite strange started to take place. The thing that was lacking in my life, those scenic moments, those expectations, they started to somehow come alive. I started to learn things and change in personality, it felt as though every trip to the beach came at the right time and so I appreciated it more, I

[daisy-chain-gardens]

Exchange Romance - Chapter 15

A/N: Hi again! You probably don't remember me since it's been a while but I finally managed to find the time to write something so here it is. A huge thanks to the always lovely @allskynostars for beta-ing this and putting up with my constant stream of random messages. Pretty please leave me a comment or a message or even an ask and let me know what you think, I always love hearing from you. Until next time :)

Word count: 5,666

A03 link

The last day of school finally came to a close, the four of them letting out a ragged breath as they walked through the school doors for the last time. Well, the last time for the next two weeks. They all clambered into Archie’s car in a silence which endured the short drive and followed them as they collapsed into their usual booth at Pop’s, all of them too exhausted to engage in conversation. They ordered their usuals and ate quietly, starting to talk once their milkshake glasses were empty and the only evidence of their food was the greasy paper lining the plastic baskets.

“I swear that was the longest semester of my entire existence,” Veronica complained as she fell into Archie’s side, resting her head on his shoulder. He chuckled at her dramatics, wrapping his arm across her back and pulling her in closer.

“I second that. Finishing off with history was actual torture. Jug and I were counting down the seconds and I swear the clock stopped at one point,” Betty joked, Jughead nodding in agreement.

“He somehow managed to talk for the whole hour without pausing but I have no idea what he was talking about,” Jughead admitted.

“Me either, but we have a test on it first day back so we need to study at some point,” Betty pointed out, all traces of a joke gone from her sparkling eyes.

“Relax B, it’s the holidays. Everyone knows you’re supposed to procrastinate until the weekend before school goes back anyway, so you’ve got plenty of time. Plus, there’s no way you weren’t paying attention in class. You probably already know the topic so calm down and enjoy your last holidays with us amazing people.” Veronica started to smile teasingly before she realised what she’d said, the weight of her words suddenly hanging overhead like a dark cloud. Archie and Veronica glanced briefly at Jughead and didn’t notice anything obviously wrong but Betty knew better. Jughead’s grip on her thigh had tightened slightly, his jaw clenched, his gaze stuck straight ahead. Betty placed her hand on top of his, tangling their fingers together and squeezing gently. He broke his stare and looked at her, a soft smile playing on his lips but his eyes were stormy, a sure sign that the thoughts floating around his mind were anything but pleasant.

 “That sounds like a great plan.” Betty smiled out at her friends across the booth, squeezing Jughead’s hand once more. Her smile grew bigger when she felt him squeeze back. “Speaking of the holidays, what are we actually gonna do?” They all looked at each other, waiting for someone to answer, before bursting into laughter when they realised they were all as clueless as each other.

“That is a very good question Betty. I think we have to start off with a movie marathon though. Your house or ours?” Archie asked, turning his attention to Veronica.

“Ours. Mum’s out again and Daddy’s currently on a flight to Tokyo so we’ll have the place to ourselves,” Ronnie replied with a twinkle in her eyes. Archie pulled out his phone and texted his dad to let him know they were staying at Ronnie’s overnight. Fred replied quickly, knowing that if he said no the boys would just sneak out anyway. The four friends tumbled out of the booth and back into Archie’s car, all of them a lot more energetic than they had been on the drive over.

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Their movie marathon quickly turned into a board game tournament after they’d spent half an hour scrolling through Netflix only to come up empty handed. Veronica found a cupboard filled with old board games and they’d each picked one; Snakes and Ladders, Ludo, Battleships, and Cluedo. Veronica had (only just) won Snakes and Ladders and after a very intense round of boys vs. girls Battleships, the four were onto Cluedo. Jughead, Archie, and Veronica quickly figured out why Betty had picked it. She was good, really good. Her poker face was unreadable and she refused to give anything away, knowing exactly how to use the rules to her advantage.

Betty had just rolled a double six, again, when her phone buzzed from her pocket. She pulled it open and unlocked it without paying attention, still laughing at Archie’s reaction to her roll when Alice’s face filled the screen.

“Hello Elizabeth.” Alice’s cool tone cut through Betty’s laughter like a knife, stopping her short as she looked down in surprise.

“Mum, I wasn’t expecting you to call. Is everything alright?” Betty tried to sound polite but she was silently cursing herself for answering the call.

“Everything is fine Elizabeth. I had some free time and I was thinking we could talk now as well as with your father tomorrow.”

“Oh, alright. I’m kind of busy at the moment so it’s better for me to talk to you tomorrow,” Betty said, trying to get rid of her mother as fast as possible. Jughead and Veronica had both seen varying degrees of how controlling her mother could be but Archie hadn’t yet, and Betty was planning on keeping it that way.

“What are you doing, Elizabeth? I can’t imagine what would be more important than talking to you mother who’s on the other side of the world.” The guilt card. Alice didn’t play it often but when she did, she played it well. Betty stayed silent as Alice continued. “That’s what I thought. So, what are you doing?”

“I’m at home with Veronica, Juggi-, Jughead, and Archie.” Betty turned the camera around and her three friends waved awkwardly, not really sure what to do. “We were just playing Cluedo.”

“Oh.” Betty could hear the disdain in her mother’s tone and wanted to crawl under a blanket and hide there for an eternity. “I see you’re still hanging out with that Jug Head boy. I get a strange feeling about him and I don’t appreciate you spending time with him.” If looks could kill, Alice would’ve been dead as soon as she uttered his name.

“Listen Mum, I have something to tell you, and knowing you, you might want to sit down.” Betty’s tone was channeling her mother’s as she moved over to sit next to Jughead. “Jughead isn’t just a friend, he’s actually my boyfriend. We’ve been going out for a while and nothing you say or do is going to change that.” Alice looked shocked and Jughead was half worried she was going to faint. She opened her mouth to retaliate but Betty quickly cut her off.

“I strongly advise you to think about the next words that come out of your mouth, Mum, because I am this close to hanging up.” Jughead draped his arm across her shoulder and pulled Betty into his side, placing a kiss to her forehead. He was so proud of Betty for standing up to her mother that he couldn’t help himself, even if Alice was right there and able to see the whole thing.

“Elizabeth Jane Cooper, how dare you speak to me like this. You are becoming more and more like Polly every day and I won’t have a bar of it. I am going to have a talk to your father about this as soon as he gets home and I can assure you, he will not be happy with your behaviour.” Alice sounded trill and furious, a strange combination that somehow made her even more intimidating to Jughead, but Betty wasn’t backing down.

“Oh go ahead Mum. What’s he gonna do about it? It’s a bit hard to punish me from the other side of the world isn’t it? And thank you for saying that I’m becoming more and more like Polly because she’s a better person than you will ever be,” Betty yelled at her phone, quickly hanging up before Alice could get another word in. She took a deep breath and leant further into Jughead’s side. The room was absolutely silent as Betty reached forward to take her turn, counting out the squares and making her way into the pool room.

“Scarlet, candlestick, observatory,” Betty said calmly, a complete contrast to her tone seconds ago. Archie handed her the small yellow envelope and she threw the cards on the board without even looking at them first.

Scarlet. Candlestick. Observatory.

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Later that night, Betty climbed into her bed and lay her head against Jughead’s chest, curling into him. His fingers came up to run through her hair and she shifted slightly to look up at him.

“Both times I’ve talked to your mum have ended with you defending Polly and then hanging up,” Jughead said with a chuckle. Betty smiled up at him sheepishly.

“You probably think I’m crazy with a mother like that.” She tried to play it off as a joke but Jughead could hear the anxiety in her voice, creeping in and convincing her of impossible things. She shifted once more so she was lying across him, her head still resting on his chest as she stared up at the ceiling.

“Babe, we’re not our parents,” Jughead reassured her, repeating her words from what felt like a lifetime ago. “You know me better than to think I’d judge you for your mum. My dad is way worse and you’re still here so I’d have no excuse.” Betty chuckled halfheartedly in response and Jughead noticed the tears rolling down the side of her face. He moved his fingers from her hair and ran them over her cheek.

“What is it really?” Jughead didn’t sound rude or even slightly curious. Betty could hear how worried he was but she refused to look at him, not wanting him to see her cry even though he had many times before.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it,” Betty said unconvincingly, quiet sobs escaping her lips.

“Betts, come on. Please tell me what’s going on.” She finally gave in and curled up into a ball on his chest, hiding her face behind her knees.

“What if I’ve screwed things up? What if she hates me? I know that she has a strange way of showing it but she just wants the best for me and I didn’t mean to hurt her. I just sort of … snapped. It was like every snide remark and undermining comment hit me all at once and I couldn’t help myself,” Betty confessed quietly, sobs distorting her words.

“You are so strong and I am so proud of you for standing up to her. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you did the right thing. She’ll come around eventually and if she doesn’t, well, at least you can easily avoid her for another couple of months,” Jughead suggested light-heartedly, wrapping his arm around her small frame and pulling her impossibly closer. A small watery laugh filled the dark room and Jughead could feel tears threatening to spill out of his own eyes.

Not only was it killing him to see Betty like this but the constant reminder of the ticking clock on their relationship was starting to get to him. Most of the time he could ignore that little voice in the back of his head that was constantly taunting him, telling him they were bound to crash and burn, becoming a mess of flames before her plane even left the tarmac. Most of the time he could let it fade into the background but lately it had been getting louder and louder, a constant attack on the walls he had built around it and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

“How do you always know just what to say?” She was still curled up inside his arms but her voice sounded slightly stronger, the watery quality it had possessed moments ago suddenly disappearing.

“You just make it so easy,” he mumbled into her hair, still fighting to control his emotions. He felt her relax and after several still minutes he assumed she’d fallen asleep. He felt himself start to drift off when her timid voice cut through the silence.

“What are you going to do about your dad?” All of a sudden he was wide awake, his fingers instinctively moving back through her hair even though she wasn’t the one that needed comforting.

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully, suddenly thankful for the cover of darkness as the tears he’d been fighting so hard to fight came crashing down. Since the incident with his dad the weekend before he’d been trying not to think about it, trying to keep busy so he could ignore the dark corners of his mind that were starting to encroach on the light.

“I don’t know what there is to do.” His voice was the softest whisper but he knew that Betty could hear him. Her thumb started drawing mindless patterns on his chest and the steady pace of her breathing was keeping him grounded, stopping him from getting sucked into his thoughts.

“I think you need to talk to Fred,” Betty said quietly. Jughead sighed, trying to calm himself down and stop the river of thoughts that managed to slip through his careful defenses.

“I know,” he said as he held her tighter, his fingers still running through her hair. He took a deep breath before continuing, surprised his tears weren’t evident in his voice. “I know but I’m scared. What if I tell him what happens and he tells me to go with my dad? I can’t, I can’t face another person leaving me Betts.”

Betty’s heart dropped. How could she do that to him? How could she leave him? She managed to stop herself from spiraling, telling herself that this was about Jughead and not a good time for her to have another attack. She reached into her hair and placed her hand on top of his, pulling it down to her lips and kissing him gently.

“You know Fred’s not going to do that. He loves you as if you were his own son. Sometimes I think he even likes you more than Archie.” Jughead let out a watery laugh, allowing himself to relax slightly.

“You have no reason to be scared Jug, everything will turn out exactly as it should.” As soon as she said it, Betty wasn’t sure if her words were for her or for Jughead. He leant forward slightly and kissed her forehead, relishing in the way she chased his lips once they left her skin.

“I love you and I’ll always be there for you,” Betty said softly, a small smile on her face as she recited the words that were written in Jughead’s messy handwriting and taped over her bed.

“Hey, get your own lovingly encouraging words,” Jughead teased, pulling her hand up to his lips.

“But yours work so much better,” Betty whined playfully, curling tighter into his chest.

“Fine, but only this once,” Jughead conceded, dropping a kiss to the top of her head as they fell into a content silence. Both of them fell asleep with small smiles on their faces and an uncharacteristic calmness in their thoughts.

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“Betts. Betts, wake up. We need to get going,” Jughead whispered to his sleeping girlfriend, placing a hand on her shoulder and shaking her gently. Betty reached a hand up and placed it on his, her eyes still closed as she continued sleeping.

“Betty come on. We need to leave soon.”

“What’s going on Jug,” she asked drowsily, her voice hoarse from the few hours of sleep she’d had. “What time is it?”

“Um, I don’t know,” Jughead fibbed, quickly changing the subject. “But get up because there’s something I want to show you.” Betty begrudgingly pushed back the duvet, crawling out of her blanket cocoon and pulling on the first things she could find from the pile of clothes on her chair..

“This had better be good,” she muttered as she walked over to him, finally managing to get her head through the right hole of her shirt.

“I promise it’ll be worth it. I know how much you hate getting woken up,” Jughead said with a chuckle as he reached for Betty’s hand and lead her out of the apartment.

The couple made their way to the Andrews’ house, Jughead practically carrying Betty as she tried to avoid falling back to sleep. The streets were empty so they arrived mere minutes later. Jughead helped Betty into Fred’s truck as soon as they arrived, shutting the door quietly so as not to startle her. He unlocked the front door and slipped into the house, heading towards the stairs until a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.

“You know you don’t have to sneak in. Archie told me you guys were going to be out for the night,” Fred called out from the couch as he gulped the dregs of his coffee, amusement evident in his tone.

“Oh, hi Fred. I didn’t see you there. Um, yeah, I’m taking Betty somewhere and I need to grab my camera,” Jughead mumbled, slightly flustered at getting caught despite having done nothing wrong.

“I’m just teasing, Jughead. Where are you two going at four in the morning?” Fred inquired, setting his empty coffee mug on the floor beside him.

“We’re gonna go watch the sunrise but I have somewhere specific in mind.”

“Alright then. Stay safe, and I need the truck tonight so don’t be back too late.”

“Ok, thanks Fred,” Jughead called out as he clambered up the stairs. His thoughts wandered to Betty as he searched for his camera, her words from the night before came back to him. He found his camera balancing on some of Archie’s unopened textbooks and quickly made his way back down the stairs. Fred was still sitting on the couch, Vegas having joined him while Jughead was upstairs.

“See you later Jug,” Fred said, his attention still trained on Vegas.

“Will do. There’s something I need to talk to you about but we can do it later. I’ll see you tonight.”

“That sounds ominous. Drive safe.” Jughead waved in response as he headed out the door. Betty was asleep against the passenger door and he chuckled to himself at the sight. He knew she hated missing out on sleep but he really hoped his surprise would be worth it. He walked around the truck and climbed in behind the steering wheel, reaching over to do up Betty’s seatbelt before placing a soft kiss on her forehead. She smiled lazily in her sleep, leaning over onto his shoulder as he carefully did up his own seatbelt and pulled out onto the empty road.

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Betty woke up an hour later, her head jolting upright as Jughead failed to avoid a pothole in the road.

“Sorry about that, I thought it was smaller,” Jughead apologised, taking his eyes off the road for a few seconds to look at her. She blinked slowly at him, a bewildered look clouding her expression.

“Where are we?” Betty asked, looking away from him to stare out the window. Everything was still dark but there was a soft blue light slowly creeping out from behind the hills.

“Nowhere important but we’ll be arriving in a few minutes,” Jughead said mysteriously, a goofy smile on his face as he pictured her reaction when he finally uncovered his surprise. Betty let it go, knowing he wouldn’t give anything away.

True to his word, Jughead pulled just off the road a few moments later, cutting the engine and looking at her expectantly.

“We’re here.” Betty could hear the excitement in his tone but she wasn’t quite sure what why. Jughead hopped out of the truck and Betty followed him, standing next to him on the side of the road.

“And where exactly is here Juggie?” Jughead dropped a quick kiss to her lips, unable to stop smiling, before grabbing his camera out and a blanket out of the truck.

“You’ll see in a minute Betts.” Betty couldn’t make out his expression through the darkness but she could hear the happiness in his voice, bringing a smile to her own face. He lay the blanket down on a small grassy bank beside the truck, reaching for Betty and sitting her down beside him. They sat in silence, watching the blue light turn pink, then orange as he crept further into the darkness.

Then Betty saw it.

“Oh my God, Jug this is amazing!” Betty quickly kissed his cheek before jumping up from the blanket and wandering into the meadow that was now visible under the soft light of the vivid sunrise. Orange flowers littered the grass, stretching out to the foot of the hills. She wandered around with childlike curiosity, a huge smile lighting up her face. The sound of her laughter filled the quiet morning and Jughead reached for his camera, turning it on and snapping some photos, Betty too caught up in her own delight to notice the tell tale clicking sound.

“Jug can you put some music on?” She called out as she crouched down to pick a flower. Betty brushed her wild hair behind her ear, gently placing the flower on top. Jughead stood up and grabbed Betty’s phone off the passenger seat, plugging it into the speaker and putting her music on shuffle.

Betty started swaying to the music, her arms swirling around her as she turned around to look at the sky, the sun now starting to peek out over the grassy hills. Jughead walked up slowly behind her, his camera clicking over and over again. He let it hang around his neck once he got closer to her, wrapping his arms around Betty’s waist, picking her up and spinning her around. A playful squeal escaped her lips and mixed with his laughter, both of them forget about the music and the flowers and the sky, their eyes only on each other.

Jughead eventually set her down in front of him, careful not to trample any of the flowers. He kept his arms around her waist and Betty laced her fingers behind his neck, resting her head on his chest as she swayed to the music once again. Jughead dropped a kiss to the top of her head, pulling her impossibly closer.

“I love you Jug,” Betty said quietly as she let her eyes flutter closed. Here she was in the most beautiful place she’d ever seen, somewhere that looked straight out of a dream, and all she could think about was him. The feeling of his hands around her waist, the steady beating of his heart against her cheek, the way his hair tickled her forehead when he leant down to whisper in her ear.

“I love you.” Everything felt perfect, and Betty knew it would feel the same if they were standing in a meadow of flowers or at a public swimming pool. Just being in his arms was enough to make her feel safe, enough to make her feel at home. Jughead’s voice broke her out of her reverie moments later.

“Especially in that shirt,” he said with a smirk. Betty pulled away slightly to look down at what she was wearing. A large ‘S’ was covering her front, telling her that she was in one of Jughead’s shirts.

“Sorry! You left it the other day and I meant to give it to you but I wanted to wash it first and then I must ha-” Jughead’s lips crashed onto hers, stealing her breath and her train of thought in one fell swoop. It was over as soon as it began and Betty couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when he returned to his full height.

“Keep it. It looks better on you anyway,” Jughead reassured her. Betty leant up and kissed his jaw, not able to reach any higher.

“Thanks Jug, I’ll take good care of it,” she reassured him with a goofy smile. She held onto him for a moment longer, savouring the moment before speaking up again.

“I know you bought your camera so you probably want to get some photos before the sun finishes rising,” Betty suggested quietly, not really want him to let go. She leant up and kissed him once more, letting her lips linger for a moment longer than usual before pulling away. He slowly untangled her from his arms and reached down to his side for his camera. She stayed close by, following him mindlessly as he moved around the meadow, taking shots from various angles.

Betty crouched down and let her fingers dance along the soft orange petals, letting her mind wander to another universe where things could stay like this forever. The two of them wandering aimlessly and discovering beautiful places from the comfort of each other’s arms. Jughead turned around and looked in Betty’s direction, noticing the wistful look on her face. He walked over and sat down on a patch of grass beside her, picking a flower and aimlessly twirling it between his fingers.

“You ok babe?” Betty sighed softly and shifted her attention from the flowers, looking at Jughead and taking note of his worried expression.

“Yeah, I’m ok. Just a bit tired, that’s all,” Betty said with a soft smile, not wanting to bother him with her silly fantasies.

“If you say so. Sorry for waking you up so early,” Jughead replied, returning her smile. Betty could tell that he didn’t believe her but was grateful that he wasn’t pushing it. She’d already freaked out enough about her leaving, she wasn’t about to do it again and ruin this perfect morning he’d given her. She moved over slightly so she was sitting in front of him, reaching up and cupping his face.

“You have absolutely no reason to apologise Juggie. This was the most incredible surprise and I am so, so happy to be here with you, even if it does mean that I lost a few hours of sleep. Thank you Jug, really.” She waited a moment, letting her words sink in, before leaning forward and kissing the small smile right off his face. He reached his hands up and let them run through her tangled hair, knocking off the flower that had been balancing behind her ear. Betty shuffled forward and straddled his lap, their lips never parting as Jughead deepened the kiss, pulling her flush against him. Her hands were wandering everywhere; through his hair, down his back, along his arms before finally settling on his smooth stomach and resting under the hem of his shirt.

“Betts, you’re killing me,” Jughead mumbled against her mouth, moving his lips away from her skin for mere seconds before starting a trail across her jaw and down her neck, setting her on fire. Her hands started wandering again, moving slowly towards his chest and taking his shirt with her. Jughead was moments away from pulling it over his head when Betty pulled away slightly, resting her forehead against his to keep herself upright.

“I … we need to stop,” Betty said breathlessly, her chest rising and falling in time with his. Jughead nodded slightly, his cheeks suddenly flushing red.

“Mhmm just … just give me a minute.” Betty giggled as she climbed off his lap, grabbing his camera and bouncing away. She turned around and pointed it at him, capturing Jughead sitting amongst the flowers, staring inently at something straight ahead. Jughead heard the click of the lens and snapped out of his gaze, turning around to see Betty pointing the camera at him.

“Hey!” He yelled out, a fake harshness in his tone as he stood up and started walking towards her. Betty giggled again and started running backwards away from him, keeping the camera trained on him and snapping photos as he chased her through the meadow. He finally caught her as they reached the truck, both of them doubling over with laughter. Jughead kissed her softly once they’d both caught their breath, stealing the camera from around her neck and grabbing the blanket they’d abandoned on the grass.

Betty was already ready to go by the time he’d taken some final photos of the meadow, the sun now sitting on top of the hills. She was fiddling with her music, trying to find a good song. As soon as Jughead had hopped in the car and started the engine, Betty wound down her window and turned up the stereo. She held her arm up the window and let the waves of air have it’s way, the wind whipping her hair around her face as she sung out loudly for whoever happened to be listening.

Jughead found himself feeling strangely content, a feeling he couldn’t remember having very often before he’d met Betty. He knew in that moment that he would do whatever it took to keep her, to stay with her, to be a part of her life, no matter how small.

“What are you smiling at?” Betty asked, reaching her arm over and resting it across his shoulders, fiddling with the curly hair at the base of neck as she looked at him curiously.

“You,” he stated simply, his smile growing as he looked over at her. She leant across the console and kissed his cheek.

“Good, because if it was Archie I would have some questions.”

--------------------

After a morning at Pop’s filed with milkshakes and fries, and an afternoon filled with, well, other things, Jughead pulled up in front of the Andrews’ house. He sat in the car for a few moments longer than would have been deemed necessary, trying not to psych himself out.

“Just, think of what Betty said, ok? Everything will turn out exactly as it should,” Jughead mumbled to himself under his breath. Letting go of his tight grip on the steering wheel and climbing out of the truck. He dragged his feet up the few wooden steps, opening the front door and heading straight for the kitchen, suddenly becoming very thirsty. Of course, with Jughead’s luck, Fred was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and drinking tea.

“Hey Fred, I put the keys to the truck by the door,” Jughead said as he walked into the room. Half of him hoped that Fred had forgotten that small detail of their talk that morning and the other part of him just wanted to get the conversation over and done with.

“Thanks Jug. How was your day?” Fred asked, handing Jughead a glass of water he must have grabbed while Jughead was lost in thought.

“It was great, yeah, it was … great.” Jughead meant to take a sip of his water but ended up drinking the whole thing in one gulp. Why was he so nervous? This was just a simple conversation with Fred. He could manage that, right?

“Since when do you say great?” Fred wondered aloud with a chuckle, setting his empty glass in the sink. “Anyway, what did you want to talk to me about this morning?”

“Oh, um, yeah. So, Archie probably already told you but, um, well my dad asked me to move back in with him,” Jughead finally managed to stutter out. Judging by Fred’s unchanged expression, Jughead figured he already knew. Betty’s words we're bouncing around his scattered thoughts, giving him the clarity he needed.

“I told him I didn’t want to. I told him I didn’t want to give up the good thing I have going here for the maybe I’ll be getting if I leave.” Jughead fixed his eyes on his glass, not sure if he could look at Fred when he got rejected from another person’s life, another home.

“Ok,” Fred stated, as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

“Wait, what?” Jughead finally looked up from his glass with a puzzled look on his face, Fred’s caring expression not quite calculating.

“Ok,” he repeated with a slight chuckle.

“But, but what do you mean ‘ok’?” Jughead was still bewildered, Fred’s repetition of the word not exactly clarifying things.

“I mean ‘ok’. It’s fine Jughead. If you want to stay, I completely understand and Archie and I are more than happy for you to keep living here. If you want to go with your dad and your family, I understand that too. It’s up to you but I will fully support you in whatever you choose.”

“Thanks Fred that, that means a lot to me.” Jughead’s voice was small and soft as he tried to figure out what just happened. He was accepted and truly wanted by someone and a small part of him was shocked into disbelief. Who would’ve thought that he, Jughead Jones, would be loved and appreciated and have people to call family, a place to call home?

“Anytime Jug. I know it wasn’t easy for you to talk to me about this but I really appreciate you telling me what’s happening in your life. I’m always here for you, if you need me.” Fred reached an arm out and clapped Jughead on the shoulder, a rare sign of affection between the two. Jughead sent him a grateful smile before walking out of the room, the dark corners of his mind no longer seeming quite so intimidating.

He made his way upstairs and collapsed onto his bed, his mind racing at a million miles an hour as he finally processed what had just happened. He reached for his camera bag with a content smile on his face. As he pulled his camera out, a napkin floated onto his chest. He picked it up out of curiosity and found Betty’s bubbly handwriting carefully written on the flimsy tissue, little flowers doodled around the edges. Your arms always make me feel like home; your chin resting on my hair, your heart beating through your chest, your arms wrapped around me. Your name is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of home and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[writeforsoreeyes]

This Month’s Reads: January

In an effort to remember more of what I read, I’ve decided to track properly this year and record my thoughts in brief. Thus, here are This Month’s Reads.

highlights: I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, The Ghost Bride, They Both Die at the End, and a lot of comics

[image description: the covers for the books listed below]

Heart of Gold vol 1 (Eli Baum & Viv Tanner) Dunant is a faith healer. Ionel is a pianist losing his sight. Every week Ionel attends Mass hoping to be cured, but Dunant turns him away. Meanwhile, a series of strange deaths casts a shadow over this gorgeously illustrated tale.

While not much especially romantic occurs, our two leads are clearly leaning on the edge of something. Ionel is intrigued by the priest, both due to his own needs and Dunant’s lonely aura. Dunant confesses his innermost doubts to Ionel inadvertently, leading to some interesting discussions of faith. Those discussions and the art’s tender beauty were the highlights for me. The pacing was slow for my tastes and some scenes felt like they could’ve been edited or cut to avoid repetition.

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I Hear the Sunspot vol 1-3 (Yuki Fumino, translator: Stephen Kohler)/ A brash college student named Taichi meets fellow student Kouhei by chance. Kouhei’s good looks attract attention, but he feels isolated due to his hearing loss. Taichi begins taking notes for Kouhei in exchange for lunch and a slow burn romance ensues.

This is one of my favorite manga from recent years, so I always reread the previous volumes when a new one comes out. Truly, the series improves with each volume. With the expanding cast, the mangaka explores different perspectives on and experiences with deafness. Volume 3 introduces Ryu, who is Deaf and lives life quite happily without hearing-- in contrast to Kouhei, who fears losing his remaining hearing.

[image description: the covers for the books listed below]

Little Women (Louisa May Alcott) I read Little Women for the first time during a young adult literature class in college. I must confess that I remembered very little of the plot, so reading it again was like starting entirely new. I forgot how funny it can be! The moral lessons for the most part still apply today, though I disagreed somewhat with a few of them.

The most intriguing and frustrating thing for me is Jo March, who reads to me as very much queer, though what flavor is debatable. My personal interpretation (and I’ll admit that I’m projecting) is that Jo is transmasculine and somewhere on the ace spectrum. And, personally, I believe the author was some flavor of queer as well.

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Only the Ring Finger Knows (Satoru Kannagi & Hotaru Odagiri, translator: Sachiko Sato) This month’s BL LookBack!

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Versailles of the Dead vol 1 (Kumiko Suekane, translator: Jocelyne Allen) I know very little about French history, so I have no idea how faithful this tale is to actual events. However, I don’t think the actual Marie Antoinette was her twin brother, possibly possessed by a demon. Likewise, I’m quite certain there were no zombies rampaging France.

Usually zombie stories and historical dramas don’t interest me. But I have a weakness for crossdressing plots, despite them usually being problematic. Surprisingly, this registered fairly low on the problematic scale-- so far. And while I wasn’t exactly riveted, it was compelling enough to persuade me to preorder the second volume. I hope this receives an anime adaptation because it could be quite spooky under the right director.

*

Coyote vol 1 (Ranmaru Zariya, translator: Christine Dashiell) It took me several attempts to finish this BL because the first chapter put me off. As expected of “werewolf in heat” erotica, there’s some dubious consent issues. However, once I finally got past that first chapter, the dramatic plot lured me in.

Werewolves are half-forgotten by the general populace, but certain groups still hold a grudge against them-- including the Galland mafia family, which our human lead “Marleen” is set to take over soon despite personally having no issue with werewolves. Meanwhile, our werewolf lead Coyote accepts a job to kill the Galland heir, not realizing it’s the very man he’s fallen in love with. Overall, the story has its fair share of objectionable issues, but I’m compelled enough to keep reading for now.

[image description: the covers for the books listed below]

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer (Michelle McNamara) I think that if a person were going to only read one true crime book ever, this one would be a good pick. The actual true crime element of the book is great. The writer excels at bringing the people to life-- the victims, the cops, the witnesses, even the unknown killer. She has a real knack for adding just enough evocative detail to paint a picture without sensationalizing.

However, what I find most compelling is how thoughtfully she examines her own motivations and actions-- and thus those of the reader as well. What is it about true crime that attracts people? And how can we pick apart these real life tragedies while respecting human life?

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The Prince and the Dressmaker (Jen Wang) Frances is a seamstress working hard for a pittance and dreaming of grander things. Her designs catch the attention of Prince Sebastian, who is in need of both a dressmaker and a secretkeeper. The two become friends, often making a splash around town with Sebastian dressed up as the glamorous Lady Crystallia. However, some secrets can’t be kept forever.

This comic has been on my to-read list for a while based solely on the cute cover and title. It was indeed cute (I especially loved the comedic off-model panels) but the story went deeper and was more rewarding than I anticipated. However, content warning for a character being outed in a humiliating manner; it’s more intense than you might expect for comic like this.

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Life Outside the Circle (H-P Lehkonen) Artist Sami leaves big city Helsinki for remote, rural Finland. There he meets his new neighbor Juha and Juha’s young daughter Maiju. Culture shock and romance ensues.

I had the good fortune to meet the cartoonist at TCAF 2018. I enjoyed the book I picked up from him there, as well as the queer Finnish comics panel he moderated. So I figured I’d check out more of his work and he didn’t disappoint-- this comic had plenty of genuine humor, heart-warming moments, and realistic angst. I especially appreciate the blasé approach to Sami being transgender; it’s just one of his traits and while it does influence some things in the story, overall it’s not that important.

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The Ghost Bride (Yangsze Choo) An early contender for favorite book of 2019 appears! This book has it all: romance, spooky thrills, adventures in other realms, wit, plenty of food, and an upcoming Netflix miniseries!

Our hero is Li Lan, who has attracted the unwanted romantic attention of local rich boy Lim Tian Ching. Not only is he rude and selfish, he’s also dead! As Li Lan struggles to ward off Lim Tian Ching’s invasive spirit, she becomes more and more drawn into the world of the ghosts-- as well as the secrets of the Lim family and her own. I loved all the rich detail, both for the real life historical setting and the fantasy settings. Highly recommended and I’m very excited for the TV series as well.

[image description: the covers for the books listed below]

Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun vol 10 (Izumi Tsubaki, translator: Leighann Harvey) Another volume of Nozaki-kun, another plea from me for another season of the anime, please! Not to say that the manga isn’t good-- it’s great-- but this is a case of the anime being better, in my opinion.

Anyway, the rom-com misadventures of Nozaki, Chiyo, and the crew continues. Relationship development continues to be slow, which is no issue for me since that’s hardly what I’m reading for. (That said, Kashima and Hori seem like they might be on the verge of becoming a couple? Maybe?) Since I read Nozaki as aroace, I’m pleased to report that he remains as aroace-seeming as ever. Poor Chiyo, however, is crushing on him harder than before, to the extent that it’s starting to become kind of creepy.

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The Other Dress (Emmy Engberts) This month’s transreading!

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They Both Die at the End (Adam Silvera) I’m well aware that I’m in the minority here, but I actually enjoy reading major character death when it’s done well. “Enjoy” might be the wrong word; what I mean to say is that I appreciate the experience of being moved so powerfully by a work of fiction.

My main concern going into They Both Die at the End was that the deaths would feel cheap. After we get to know the main characters (who are young and healthy) so well and they’ve been through so much together, what kind of death could possibly feel authentic and “worth it” to the reader? I won’t spoil the end for anyone, but I thought the author came through strongly. Thoughtful and emotional with intriguing world building.

[thekoreanlass]

Somehow I often stumble across Ji Hyun Woo’s dramas and I just stay for good, enjoying his acting and the entirety of the drama. For some reason, he’s a magnet of good content and he’s just undeniably a really good actor in the present time.

The last time I watched him was during ‘Angry Mom’ and even then he was really good at portraying the teacher role while concocting a potential romance with Kim Hee Sun’s character in the story, which went down the pipe in the end. Anyway, that drama was good, nonetheless, since it focused more on school and politics, good parenting. and justice.

Now, as soon as I heard the team up between Ji Hyun Woo and Lee Si Young for the medical romcom drama, Risky Romance (also Life and Death Romance), I became really excited, looking forward to another superb performance by not just him but also Lee Si Young.

Risky Romance is Ji Hyun Woo and Lee Si Young’s reunion drama since acting together in 2010 KBS2’s ‘Becoming a Billionaire‘ drama series.

The Story

Risky Romance tells the story of a genius neurosurgeon, Han Seung Joo (Ji Hyun Woo), who has a great desire for winning and an empathetic endocrinologist, Joo In Ah (Lee Si Young), who is obsessed with hormones.

Ha Seung Joo used to be a very warm and understanding person until he witnesses the death of his close friend and gets himself into an unexpected car accident, which transformed him into a person with anger management problems with extremely fluctuating emotions. He lashes out at others whenever he is angry and nothing can stop him now.

Throw in a perky endocrinologist, Joo In Ah, that is very obsessed with hormones that she can discuss it to anyone all day without getting tired of it, and the drama will surely spiral to even more chaos as she determinedly follow Han Seung Joo around, begging him to take a blood test with her to know the level of his testosterone. Joo In Ah strongly believes that Han Seung Joo’s abrupt change is because of his malfunctioning hormones; the overproduction of testosterone means more male dominance and anger.

But because Ha Seung Joo is a stubborn prick with a level one-hundred pride that would stop him from taking the test to deny Joo In Ah’s claim, he does everything to defy her even as far as going below the belt and crossing the line.

Plus, for some unfounded accusation after seeing her picture in his dead friend’s belongings, he deduces that Joo In Ah is the reason why his friend is dead and eventually he turns into an even more asshole towards her, wanting to take everything from her even if Joo In Ah looks like she couldn’t even harm a mosquito.

What Ha Seung Joo doesn’t know is how wrong he was and that his plot for revenge is soon going to backfire at him in the most devastatingly comic fashion. Falling in love has never been more intense than this hormone-centric medical romcom drama!

What I like about the drama?

The drama has been interesting since the beginning, creating a more unique way of joining the medical drama trope with less hospital politics and less operating room scenes–that are rather taxing to watch if you don’t have a medical background or you’re not really into it or you don’t want to be bothered by so much technicalities–and instead with topics revolving around hormones and how it affects our chemistry and emotions.

I guess, the creator’s intention is to make the viewers more comfortable with a medical drama by talking about hormones and something more relatable, which is romance. Add a punch of comedy, some mystery and drama and voila!–you get that less typical drama you might be looking for.

To me, however, it is something new but not so new, yet I must admit that the story is extremely fun while throwing in an extreme case of love-hate relationship between a very angry Han Seung Joo and a gentle sheep like Joo In Ah. They just exude the kind of chemistry that is very natural that it makes me want to overlook Han Seung Joo’s extreme asshole personality that will definitely throw you off guard if it happens in real life. I mean, I’m definitely not going to talk to Han Seung Joo if I’m Joo In Ah since he’s just a mean bully that doesn’t deserve my attention. He’s like a high school kid begging for attention with nothing else good to do in life but make her life a living hell.

Gladly, as good to be true as it sounds, Joo In Ah is a saint that easily forgives. It’s her strong suit even if sometimes she looks like a pushover, especially whenever she just allows Se Ra to trample over her. I guess, that’s what makes their contrasting personalities compatible. That they are different so they can fill in each other’s shortcomings. Joo In Ah is like the sponge that buffers Han Seung Joo’s anger and maybe she’s key to him returning back to his old warm and understanding self. After all, one can only be as angry. Hormones may malfunction and fluctuate, but just like Joo In Ah told Han Seung Jo, it’s a matter of control over those hormones.

The reference to medical stuff and the realness in their acting plus slapstick comedy is a total yes for me.

What I don’t like about the drama?

Joo Se Ra – she’s a total bitch who is ambitious and wants to take everything that is Joo In Ah’s even if the latter is only showing her good. She blames her stepsister for stepping into the family registry and for being extremely better than her and for their parents’ death. She’ll be damned once she finds out though she’s the reason why they were out that night and in car that drove them to their deaths and not Joo In Ah, who took the blame for Se Ra.

Is it just me or Han Seung Joo has done more whining than investigating what really happened to his friend and who caused it while he raided the Joo sisters home? It’s just annoying that I find this true while Cha Jae Hwan was the one doing all the research for him. Now, Seung Joo lives in blissful ignorance while in a constant battle with his wits about whether to trust In Ah or not because he’s not really doing what he aimed for while Jae Hwan is the first one to know everything.

Honestly, the drama is also frustrating in a lot of aspects. But what really annoys me is how Seung Joo could throw tantrums when all he needs to do is ask Joo In Ah about what she knows and everything should have been solved. He wouldn’t be such an asshole to her once he realizes how stupidly wrong he was about her.

Hospital politics just sucks. It sometimes make me think whether this happens in real life and if it does, then are these surgeons and doctors only playing with people’s lives? I do hope, though, that this is more false than true.

Characters

In terms of their characterization, I think the two leads are a natural. Both are frustrating at some points, but all that gets washed away whenever something really good happens and they just have these moments when they open up to each other without them realizing.

Plus, Joo In Ah is a bona fide hormone-obsessed doctor with some fun fact that will really make you laugh and amazed at how easily words flow from her mouth and how it gives her a keen eye at diagnosing someone. She’s empathetic and really kind and Lee Si Young’s gentle features show that.

Han Seung Joo is a little spit fire that is more talk and childish ploys to bully Joo In Ah which is both infuriating and amusing at the same time. He’s a ticking time bomb that is more comedic and silly-looking than annoying when angry, which is his saving grace. Gladly, Ji Hyun Woo is naturally likable.

On the other hand, I find the other characters still difficult to watch, especially Se Ra who is cunning and vicious in her own little way whenever she’s thinking about her bitterness towards In Ah. You can probably call her the modern version of Cinderella’s stepsisters or something.

Then there’s Cha Jae Hwan who looks really adorable, but fails to be the better person the moment he realizes how Han Seung Joo looks at Joo In Ah who he also has feelings for. Other than that, I am still waiting for the day that he’ll step up to his father and  not cower towards him. Your parents can only break you so much, but even if you live for their dear approval, I think he’s old enough to learn to break away from what’s truly holding him down.

Why you should watch it

Risky Romance may be just one of those typical medical romcoms that’s trying to be at least slightly different from the rest, but anyone who is looking for something light and dramatic at the same time will really love this more character-focused drama despite some of its characters being a little frustrating at times and its hospital politics side drama that will want you to question authority.

Plus, you just can’t help but keep an eye on a very angry male lead who’s a few seconds from being arrested. Just glad we have a really good-natured female lead who will buffer his anger.

Rating

Thumbs up to this love-hate romcom. It’s the first time I’m seeing real action between a love-hate relationship so I’m giving this drama a 4.3 out of 5.

On going: Review on ‘Risky Romance’ – Love story raging with hormones Somehow I often stumble across Ji Hyun Woo's dramas and I just stay for good, enjoying his acting and the entirety of the drama.