#anyway. i think it's worth it because i've definitely lost weight already and it's only been a month

[flatoatchi]

something they don't tell you about having to give yourself injections is that it does not get any easier to overcome the nerves after you've done it several times

[givemeyourcrunchbars]

Sequestered

Fern x f!reader

If there are any warnings I need to add, please let me know :)

The weight of the crown on your head was too much to bear today. You gently set it down onto the grass, next to you in the shade of the giant oak trees above you.

If someone were to ask you what it's like to be a princess, you would say it's a curse. For the past 15 years you've been raised, your father was stern and barely paid any attention to you. Suffering from neglect, you slowly watched him become more and more corrupt with power, forcing the entire kingdom to stay within its walls. As far as the common people knew, the outside was a mysterious place not to be messed with.

That's what power does to people. To have all these abilities at your hands, is a great responsibility. But most rulers toss those away, like a bag of trash being disposed into the garbage can.

You sighed, gazing across to the opposite side of the clearing you were sitting in. You raised your head to look up at the sky. Oh, what I would do to have a different life...

The rustling of leaves caught your attention. You gasped, quickly backing away into the shelter of the trees. Dad can't catch me being here!

"Hey."

You froze as relief washed over you. It wasn't your father.

You weren't allowed to leave the kingdom. Finding loopholes wasn't easy, so you didn't know what you'd do if he found out.

Carefully, you stood up, squinting at the figure standing at the opposite end of the meadow. Slowly, they- or it- stepped into the sunlight. You recognized him from your past adventures. Fern the Human.

"Hi," you replied warily. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know," he said. "Just exploring." Fern wore the same expression he did normally, a blank set of eyes and his mouth set in a straight line.

You nodded, your eyes darting around the clearing, at anything but him. You rarely interacted with outsiders, especially since you weren't allowed outside of your kingdom. So you didn't know how to act. All your social skills started chipping away because you were forced to stay inside all the time. "Princess duties".

"I haven't seen you around here before," the grass boy remarked. "Who are you?"

"Who am I?" I repeated. That was a good question. Every single decision I've had to make and every emotion I've had was decided for me. So much so, that I wasn't sure there was any "me" left.

"I'm Y/N," you replied. Fern tilted his head.

"Where are you from?"

"Um." You struggled to find the words. He couldn't know about the kingdom, or else you would find yourself kicked out. What was even the purpose of telling him? It could only end badly. His curiosity would get the better of him, driving him him to see the kingdom for himself. Would Fern even try to save us?

Even though you wanted to rescue your people badly, the thought of them roaming around aimlessly in the Land of Ooo scared you. They barely knew anything about the outside, and the only information they did know altered their perspective to think of it in a bad light. Besides, what could Fern do to help? He's just one person.

"It's none of your business," you ended up blurting out. "I have to go." Your father wanted you home for the evening anyway. For what, he didn't say.

You turned away before you could hear Fern's reply, dashing off into the dense forest.

Taking a deep breath, you began to form an image of a raven inside your mind. Shapeshifting was still something you weren't good at. You were supposed to follow a certain set of rules as a princess, one of which being that you couldn't shapeshift into your raven form in the presence of other people. It was seen as impolite.

Focus on shapeshifting! You commanded yourself. Finally, you were able to fly, ruffling your wings a bit. You missed being able to soar.

"Wait!" Fern's voice yelled from behind you, his footsteps trodding through the layers of leaves on the forest floor. You sighed, flapping up to the tree tops and taking off. A feeling of dread gradually grew in your chest, facing the reality that you had to go back to your secluded life, with people that ignored and misunderstood you.

As the dark green leaves of the forest zoomed by beneath your feet, you began to wonder whether you should've listened to what Fern had to say. Eh, it probably wasn't important.

Directing your thoughts back to your destination, you vowed to come back to your happy place as soon as possible. It helped clear your head. Hopefully, Fern won't be there next time. The idea of talking to people made you uncomfortable. The people that you've trusted in the past have all either broken your trust, or just didn't care about you at all.

There's a crown here in the bushes, Fern observed, lifting the heavy piece of gold. It was a big ring, with an arm extending upwards, holding a small, rugged black crystal. Interesting.

Turning it over in his hands, something strange caught his eye. A carving on the back of the crown. It was barely illegible, but Fern could make out one name. Y/N.

"Where is your crown?" The Raven King hissed angrily. "The suitors are already here!"

"I don't know, Dad!" You frantically racked your mind, trying to remember where you had left it. A princess' crown was a part of her, as a role model and a symbol. But this time, it represented worth.

"Why are you making me marry someone I don't even know anyway?" You hurriedly glanced at your father, brows furrowed. Your father had invited a group of suitors to compete for your hand in marriage. They desired only the princess' heart, but it wasn't true love, like what you dreamed of as a child. They just wanted land, wealth, and power. Marrying you was their key to a happy life. Without your label as a princess, they would have no opportunity at all.

"You know very well why!" Your father growled. "This is going to be beneficial for the kingdom! Don't you want me to prosper?"

You started walking down the spiraling staircase that lead to the main hallways, unable to stay calm any longer. "I want the people to prosper," you replied, sending a spine-chilling glare to your father behind you. Before he could respond, you stomped away, into the main hallway where a line of antsy suitors stood waiting.

You definitely have a thing for walking out on people.

"Heya, Fern!" A boy wearing a worn, dual-toned green backpack greeted Fern, holding open the door that had separated the two just moments before. "Jake just made some meatloaf! Want some? It has your favorite- I mean our favorite garnishes." Finn grinned.

"No thanks," Fern replied, distracted. His eyes wandered all around the giant treehouse that stood over him, almost menacingly. Despite what Fern wanted to think, there was something about it that made him uneasy. When he thought of the treehouse, he thought of Finn, which in turn caused him to obsess over the fact that he wasn't Finn. Then who was he?

"No probs." Finn sounded a little disappointed, but cheered up when Jake called out that the meatloaf was ready from somewhere inside the house.

"By the way, can I ask you something?" Fern asked, taking something out of his backpack, which tumbled to the ground, causing him to groan in frustration. Finn turned back to his grassy friend while taking a plate of food from the unseen Jake. "What's up?"

He gasped when he saw the golden crown gleaming in the sunlight. "That belongs to one of the princesses!" He picked it up and handed it back to Fern.

Fern nodded, stowing it in his backpack. "I found it in the forest near Tree Trunks' house. I think this girl dropped it," he said.

"Whahf girl?" Finn said, trying to chew meatloaf at the same time. "PB? Fire Princess? Slime P?"

"No." Fern shook his head. "I've never seen her before, and honestly," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "She was scared of me." He sounded frustrated, his voice trailing off.

"Dude-"

"Why doesn't anything ever work out?!" Fern said in anguish. He curled his fingers in and out of his palm, trying to release the tension trapped in his mind.

"Calm down, dude," Finn exclaimed. "I can help you find her, don't worry! I've never seen this crown before either, so we can go together." He placed a hand on Fern's shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"No!" Fern protested. "I wanna do it myself," he said, softer. "Can you just tell me how to find her?"

Finn looked taken aback for a second at his grassy friend's outburst, but nodded regardless. "You can ask the Candy People and the other kingdoms, they probably know who owns that crown." He handed Fern a map of the Land of Ooo, sketched out on a yellowed piece of paper.

Saying their goodbyes, Finn left Fern on his solo quest to find the mysterious princess.

The long and chaotic day was finally over. You sank down to the floor, your back against the door to your room. You stared at the king-sized bed. I hate this. I hate everything.

After you left your father standing on the stairs, you had awkwardly walked into the main hall. But that must have been the last straw for your father, because he still didn't join you, even after five minutes. He ended up sending a replacement to accompany you after a long time of waiting. You wished that the suitors didn't keep glancing at the spot where your crown was supposed to sit while you stood with your hands clasped in front of you, staring at the doorway your father was going to follow you through.

I still have to get the crown back, you thought. Where did I leave it? The only place I would've lost it would be... Then you realized. The clearing! Of course! Oh no, I have to go there right now!

You raced over to the small window in your bedroom, peeking your head out. Seeing practically no one outside, you transformed into your raven form and hopped on the windowsill. Suddenly, an object was hurled at you from below. Looking down, you saw a small child chucking pieces of corn at you.

"Get out of there, you stupid crow!" He yelled. Close enough.

You carefully flapped your wings, flying high above the kingdom. As soon as you were out of reach, the child gave up trying to knock you out of the sky and returned to his home, resuming the quiet atmosphere the kingdom always held during evenings.

Night had almost fallen over Ooo when you finally arrived at your meadow. Landing in the spot where you had sat earlier that day, you turned back into a human and rummaged through the bushes for your long lost crown. As the minutes ticked by, you began to grow more frustrated. Where is it?! If I lose it forever, I'm done for.

"Huh?" You said out loud. Prying apart the branches of a blueberry bush, you found a few grass blades attached to the rough leaves, reminding you of Fern. You stood up. Why not just see if Fern had it? He wasn't the scavenger type, but something as mysterious as an unknown princess' crown was sure to fascinate him.

Ugh, the sun is setting. You sighed in defeat, vowing to visit Fern the next day to take back the circlet. Another day that's ending, another gloomy morning to look forward to. But this time, you had a mission to accomplish.

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2021

#83 - Shadowmarch, by Tad Williams

Mount TBR: 69/100

Beat the Backlist Bingo: Cover features your favorite color prominently

Rating: 1/5 stars

Well, that was a slog.

So I have a history with this piece of intellectual property. I was introduced to Williams as an author in college (1998) because several of the friends I made my first year were big fantasy nerds--no surprise there--and I was perfectly ready to move on from my high-school-era love of less sophisticated fantasy authors. I borrowed The Dragonbone Chair from one of those friends and off I went.

So in 2001 when news about Williams writing an online serial went around, and I saw the $15 price tag...well, I was a perpetually almost-broke college student still, and sure I spent money on books, but that was a high gateway, because a) I didn't own my own computer yet, I was borrowing friends' or using the computer lab to write papers and such; and b) sure, a chunky fantasy novel might be $7 or $8 in paperback, but it was portable, easy to reread whenever, and nobody had tablets or smartphones or e-readers yet, so an online serial publication was definitely not portable. Even fifteen dollars seemed like too much for the inconvenience of a book I could only read sitting at a computer, and couldn't read all of at once.

I was genuinely angry about this shift away from the paradigm, and much like Williams vowing this serial was online only and would never be published traditionally (which I distinctly remember but don't actually have a source for) I too vowed that I would never read it.

I held out much longer than he did, if my memory of that claim is even true. But I'm wishing now that I hadn't bothered.

This is bad. Not even close to the level of quality I expect from Williams, based on the earlier Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series, as well as War of the Flowers--which was weird but I enjoyed it--and the Otherland series, which was even weirder and not always good, but yeah, I still enjoyed that too, for the most part.

Who am I supposed to care about in this book? I'm no stranger to multiple protagonists, but there are simply too many here, meaning none of them get the development time they would need to be interesting. I'm trying to wean myself from the complaint that protagonists need to be "likable," because a character can be a jerk and still be interesting, but few of these protagonists are particularly likable either!

1. Barrick is a whiny jerk who folds under pressure and abdicates responsibility to his sister, and then makes a spectacularly bad decision for no reason other than to set up some tension at the end, and his future arc. If it's because he's "mad," bad plot reason, and if it's because he's affected by the more general shadow-madness, well, I guess he could be vulnerable to it like anyone else, but that's pretty flimsy too. 2. Briony is a fairly standard "if only I weren't a woman, people would take me seriously" princess who doesn't fold as much under pressure but is dealt a really raw deal. I'll give her credit, she does legitimately try her best to rule her lands, but she's also kind of a whiny jerk like her brother, too. 3. Quinnitan is...pointless. Sure, I see how the end of her arc in this book echoes those of the Eddon twins, but there is no direct connection between her plot and anyone else's. And I mean that literally, if there's anything that ties her story to any other single part of the book, I simply do not see it, it's buried in lore or foreshadowing that was lost on me amid the sheer weight of nearly 800 pages of plodding narrative. I read all of her scenes constantly wondering why I should care, and the fact that her arc is a very basic harem plot, "I don't want to be a token wife but really what choice do I have?" sort of thing, doesn't help, because on its own it's incredibly unoriginal. 4. Chert is marginally likable, because he's arguably got the most defined personality and most personal growth in the book, as a person of a "little" race who is distinctly not human--I get a mix of gnome and dwarf, with a faint whiff of Podling from The Dark Crystal--and who deals with an unexpected foundling by taking him into his family and trying to make it work, even when that foundling is really a big blank space in the story who still manages to get into trouble. 5. Captain Vansen gets points from me for being the guardsman deep in unrequited love, which is a trope I would absolutely eat up with a spoon. The problem is, the object of that love is a protagonist I don't care for (Briony,) leading me to question what the eff he's thinking that he can even admire her from a distance, let alone be in infatuation/love. And his plot arc is mostly "something goes wrong that's not really has fault but everyone blames him anyway." Which got dull.

Chert and Vansen are most of the reason this book gets a second star*, honestly. Chert's scenes with the Rooftoppers are generally pretty excellent, even if they're mostly tied to a plot arc that I don't care for.

The other thing that's getting me about this is that it feels like a deliberately grim-dark retread of Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn. You've got a castle that's the seat of current government but used to belong to the enemy--the enemy that no one is sure even exists anymore, that lives in a land far enough away to feel distant but also somehow close enough to be threatening, once people believe in them again. That castle is perched upon magically important ruins/caverns, and that enemy has forms of magic/communication that affect humans and can cause or appear symptomatic of madness. There's a race of small likable people who aren't quite dwarves or any other "standard" fantasy race, but are still somehow cute/appealing. There's a crippled prince who's not really well-liked. One of the primary female protagonists is a young woman who laments the limitations of her womanhood under the patriarchal feudal system of the world.

And to someone who's never read either of these series, that list of similarities could mostly read like fairly common fantasy tropes, and I forgive anyone who reads this review and thinks that. But I've read MSaT probably ten times all the way through in the twenty-plus years since I was introduced to it, and I feel like I've just been handed the same story again, with a thick coat of gray paint slathered on it and a few details changed--and those changes are basically always for the worse. No one in this story can be said to be a direct equivalent to Simon, who gets a very clear hero's journey, but if I'm supposed to slot Barrick in as a Simon/Josua mashup (that crippled prince problem) then it takes the entire book to get Barrick out of his comfort zone and on his journey, where Simon got booted from the castle at the end of the first act of the first book.

And that gets at the underlying problem that is at least partially fueling all other problems--this book is clearly just the first act of the larger story, and yes i know! that is what first books do! but this also doesn't have a lot of forward motion on its own, and it doesn't resolve anything aside from the mystery of a single murder at that happens near the beginning. Seriously, all other plot threads get kicked down the road with the "and now they're exiles" theme that the ending has assigned to most of the protagonists. Chert doesn't suffer that fate, but the ending of his story line--also the end of the book itself--is the foundling reasserting that he doesn't know who he is, which is not new information. We've literally not known who he is the whole time, except that we do find out who his mother is, but don't find out how he was taken or why he apparently hasn't aged as much as he should have or what the Qar intended by sending him back "home." The identity of his mother is basically the least important question surrounding him.

I truly feel like I just read a 750-page prologue, and that is not a good feeling.

*Yeah, I told myself this was a two-star book, but by the time I wrote the whole review, it's not and I can't pretend I still believe that. This is a one-star book. This is so bad I don't want to go on with the series, even though it almost has to get better, now that most of our protagonists are out on their journeys. And because it could hardly get worse, right? But this already took up so much of my time (I had to take a week-long break in the middle to binge some romances, as a relief from all this grimdark toil) and even though I've managed to collect secondhand copies of the rest of the series, and they've been sitting on my shelves for a few years waiting for me to invest my energy into them...I'm giving up. Not worth it.

[nosrednaeiramaivilo]

TEXT | LAP WARMER

Liv: And having fun?

Frannie: so mcuh

Liv: Good! Whiskey?

Frannie: yeha

Liv: would it be super lame to meet you if you’re downtown?

Frannie: no! Comrn in

Liv: Okay. Can you ping me your location?

Frannie: k

Liv: So much green beer!

Frannie: guiness is besttet

Liv: totally!! Smell weed yet? It’s so busy outside tonight

Frannie: so many

Liv: no on the weed then?

Frannie: dunno

Liv: says I’m here. I’ll come find you!

Frannie: k

Liv: You and Arin feeling okay? :joy_cat:

Liv: Green beer is the devil I think

Frannie: We're still alive?

Frannie: Green beer is cheap beer, it's definitely the devil

Liv: Cheap beer is like the way to go out though. To me anyways

Liv: nothing feels better than waking up from a night of 2 dollar beer :slight_smile:

Liv: feels like a big fuxk you to the man

Frannie: Personally I hate cheap beer

Frannie: But uh, you do you

Liv: I just really like doing things in spite of the the bubble I feel forced in sometimes

Liv: cheap beer makes me feel powerful LOL

Liv: and brains are weird

Liv: You were very cute last night

Liv: thanks for letting me third wheel

Frannie: Cheap beer and I get along about as well as wine and I do, which is to say, we don't

Frannie: But I don't mind Guinness, and I rather like craft beers.

Frannie: I'm glad someone thought my drunk ass was nice

Frannie: Thanks for coming along

Liv: Bad hangovers ?

Frannie: Makes me physically ill

Liv: Yeah, staying away is a good idea then!

Frannie: Mmhmm

Liv: I thought you were awesome! I was sad when we parted ways

Liv: I wanted to take you home and snug

Frannie: You did?

Liv: I did!

Liv: would have been really nice to hold you

Frannie: Why's that?

Liv: you’re holdable and I like being near you because I like you a lot

Frannie: You do?

Liv: I do!

Frannie: I like you a lot too

Liv: That’s really nice to hear

Frannie: I like that you're safe to be around

Liv: I really try to be

Liv: I’m glad I’m safe for you

Frannie: I like having someone else who is safe

Liv: It is really nice to find people you can let in

Frannie: It was just Arin for a really long time. I lost a lot of people at once. She was the only one who believed me.

Liv: I’m so thankful you have her. I’m thankful I have her. She’s really good. But so are you

Liv: I’m sorry you had to lose

Frannie: She saved my life.

Frannie: It was so bad, but it taught me a lot about people.

Liv: Most bad things do

Frannie: I suppose

Liv: In my experience bad things have always shown me bad people or people worth keeping

Frannie: I just wasn't expecting to lose basically everyone.

Liv: It sucks. It’s better to have no one though then have bad

Frannie: Yeah, I guess so but it makes it hard to open up, y'know?

Liv: I know

Frannie: Sometimes I feel more like Medusa than Athena

Liv: I don’t really know what that means but I don’t think Arin would call you Athena if you weren’t Athena, you know?

Frannie: She was calling me Athena long before what happened.

Liv: Right. Good to know.

Frannie: Yeah

Liv: I’m sorry I probably didn’t response properly

Liv: but like you’re Athena

Frannie: I don't feel like it

Liv: Maybe one day you will

Liv: you’ll feel beautiful the way others see you

Frannie: I always wondered how people got over stuff like that. You don't.

Liv: I can’t put myself in your shoes. I can’t. You’re probably right but I don’t want you to believe that you’re just like hardened forever. I don’t want to believe that

Frannie: I don't know how to move on from it. From what he did.

Liv: I wish I knew the answer

Frannie: I mean, I know I'm getting there, the tattoo is part of that, but... I don't know what my next step is.

Liv: Step by step I think

Frannie: I'm not good if I'm not a few steps ahead of where I am now

Liv: I want to help

Frannie: I don't know how you can, that's the hard part. You're already doing so much anyway

Liv: I want to know you forever

Liv: It’s all I know for sure

Frannie: You do?

Liv: Yeah, totally

Liv: I like you a lot

Frannie: Yeah?

Liv: Yes

Frannie: Why?

Liv: I like your face and your voice and your hands and your weight in my lap and I don’t know you make me feel like I’m on fire but instead of it being angry and overwhelming it feels warm and comforting

Frannie: Really?

Liv: omg frannie

Liv: yes

Liv: I’ll scream it from the tallest mountain if you want me too. I like you so much it makes me wanna twirl around

Frannie: OH

Frannie: I'm dumb

Liv: all humans are dumb

Frannie: But I'm like REALLY dumb

Liv: I’m not following

Frannie: You like-like me and I didn't think you did

Liv: I feel like I have said this before am I making this up?

Frannie: I don't know! I'm dumb!

Liv: :sweat_smile::sweat_smile:

Frannie: I've never been into someone before, much less thought someone would be into me

Liv: Self worth And perception of self and trauma responses are weird

Frannie: You're telling me

Liv: are you gonna come over

Frannie: I can

Liv: please

Frannie: Then yes, I am.

Liv: Thank you

[thesweatzone]

BACKSTORY and FITNESS PROGRAM

BACKSTORY:

I have always struggled with my weight. I was never overweight to a point where I would have troubles with my health but it did limit some of my abilities and it lowered my self-esteem. I was really overweight as a child but then my rapid growth caused me to look slimmer than before and I was only round. Basically I was and still pretty much am skinny fat.

About two years ago I decided I wanted to become skinnier, so I started working out more. I realized now that being skinny is far from my goal and I truly want to be healthy and have a strong body but working out did give me solid foundation on which I explored my interests in sports, which I never liked before. I found the ones I actually enjoyed and the ones I did not enjoy quite that much. I started losing some fat. But then I became lazy and the fat came back.

This repeated itself many times throughout those two years. I slowly realized my biggest problem were my eating habits. I was really picky when it came to food and I always chose the wrong one. I also binged, then ate very little for a while and binged again. I even contributed to the weight gain with drinking smaller amounts of water than I should have and my sleeping schedule was all over the place. I realized only working out won't do that much. At least not for me.

I slowly started incorporating better foods into my diet and changing up my lifestyle but I never committed enough to see it through until the end and obtain obvious results. I was also very confused where and how to start, because there is so much information out there about what is right and wrong. The main problem was that I didn't give any program I created for myself time so that I could actually see results and see if it works.

 RIGHT NOW:

Now I want to stick to my plan for longer than one or two months at a time. I want to achieve results that will last and work on my confidence too. I am currently 173 cm tall (which is roughly 5,8 feet) and I weigh 65 kg (roughly 143 pounds). Though I am tall I feel like I am quite heavy since I do not have that much muscle mass so the lbs are higher than I wish they would be, because of fat. I have stubborn belly fat while I'm not really visibly round in any other areas of my body as much. Of course you cannot spot reduce (I will write about that in one of my future posts too) so I will have to lower my body fat percentage and gain a lot of muscle mass in general to see the belly fat disappearing too, since I am striving for a stronger not skinnier body.

Right now I'm in a good place, though I still have many things to focus on to perfect my daily routine. I've been working since the start of the year (6th January, 2020) and lost 4,5kg (roughly 10 pounds) in five weeks. I constructed a workout and diet plan for me as well as I could, since I haven't got that much control over a lot of things going on in my life because I'm still in school and have work to focus on besides my fitness goals, though I am trying to make them a bigger priority in my life.

Some people said that this program seemed a bit challenging for a beginner when they took a first look at it. That's why I wrote a short paragraph in which I spoke about my work out habits above. They are not that bad and I tend to work out quite a lot so I’m not in such a bad shape - food will be a bigger issue for me. If the program seems though for you and you do your workouts completely differently, I encourage you to continue doing it your way. The same goes for if you think it is too easy. I designed this the way I did, because I know what I am capable of right now and what I would like to be capable of in the future.

 MY PROGRAM:

Duration: 8 months (until the end of August)

Goal: Build strength and muscle mass, achieve a flatter belly and leaner physique, gain confidence, build better habits

 Workouts:

I've tried many workouts on the internet already and I decided to follow some good fitness channels on Youtube and follow their work out videos, since I don’t have time to go to an actual gym. I will link them in some future posts. I made a weekly workout schedule too.

On Mondays I do half an hour to an hour of yoga targeting my core (abs), on Tuesdays I do body weight exercises targeting the legs and the glutes, on Wednesday I have another day of body weight exercises targeting the abs and on Fridays I have weightlifting to strengthen my arms and back.

I also have one active rest day every week when I am allowed to do nothing or just some light cardio. That is Thursday for me, because I arrive home late (around 7 p.m.) and it's the day that is the most tiring for me in the whole week.

On weekends I have one scheduled full body workout on Saturdays. I usually do pilates or some HIIT workouts. On Sundays I can take a day of if I feel like it, because I don't want to push myself over the edge but if I feel alright I do an hour of cardio.

Speaking of cardio, it is one of my favourite workout categories because I love to run, dance, hike, swim… and these are all workouts that fall into the category. I try to do cardio at least three times a week even if it isn’t scheduled (just because I actually enjoy doing it) but if the weather is nice I take a walk everyday anyway, since I like some peace to think and be alone.

Through the week I work out at around 6 p.m. and on the weekends in the morning or at least before noon.

 Dieting:

For me it is really hard to meal prep since I am in high school and I have a lot of my meals prepared for me by other people. I evaluated my eating habits and realized I consume too much sugar and carbs and my diet lacks fiber. I can’t completely follow a low-carb diet but I will be aiming towards consuming less carbs and try to eat food which is low in sugar and high in protein and fiber.

I also challenged myself to eliminate all sugar I could from my diet for at least 40 days but I can happily say that I'm already on day 45 (I started on the 6th of January) – I decided to just continue with it and try to reach 70 days. I planned it for a long time and I can say I am quite satisfied with the outcome. I've tried including a lot of healthy foods, vegetables and high protein foods and minimize foods with a lot of carbs but there are days when I just don't have the option to eat anything but something high in carbs or not as healthy as I would wish it would be. 

If you want to, I will definitely write a post about what I eat in a week after I test it out, see how effective it is and perfect it completely. 

I have already tried intermittent fasting (will be explained in future posts) in the past once and it worked miracles for me. I felt more energized, way less bloated and I felt better in general. I will incorporate it into my diet again I decided to do a 16:8 ratio – I eat in a time frame of 8 hours. That equals 16 hours of fasting where I don't consume any food I just drink a cup of green tea in the morning.

 Drink:

I used to drink very small amounts of water throughout the day but I carry my water bottle with me everywhere I go now and I try to drink as much as possible. These are my main rules for drinking:

-drink 2 water bottles of water a day

-one cup of green tea in the morning (or lemonade)

-don't drink milk in the evening

 Sleep:

I try to go to sleep before 11 pm and get up around 6 or 7 am. For me it is pretty hard, because I am a night owl, but I do try, since I see a big difference in my energy and ability to work efficiently throughout the day.

…

That is how I designed my workout and diet program. All details will be specified in further chapters since it is still a bit rough around the edges (especially the diet part), but I cannot meal prep since it is really hard for me to prepare my own food. 

I thought I should explain what and how I'm doing everything, since I will be writing about it. This is a basic overview and I didn't really go into detail. If you want me to be more precise, especially about my eating habits and how I'm trying to change them, I will make a post about it. This is just my story and my program. I can't guarantee any of these things would work for you or your body but maybe you will get any idea or find some useful information. You now know my story and my goals.

I always struggled with my self-esteem and body image but I am on the path to changing everything and I want to share the lessons I'm learning and my story with you. I hope it motivates you and you can see you are not alone. You should also remember that even though my measurements and fitness goals don't match yours and you maybe see different numbers than me, you aren't working any less hard or doing anything wrong nor should you be discouraged. We are all on our individual journeys and you have the exact same chance of reaching your goals as I do or anyone else reading this blog.

Whenever I start doubting myself I just avert my thoughts somewhere else because I am positive we all can do this. Remember to love yourself no matter your weight. We are all beautiful and what we are doing and the changes we're making are only to better ourselves physically and mentally but our weight or appearance doesn't define us nor does it define our worth.

Thank you for joining me on this journey!

-M

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Who's in your bit rn Buster: Diego and Gus Rio: Oh good Rio: well too fast for Tommy Buster: He's got that fucked knee, like Rio: That's a poltie way to say he just got outwitted by a couple of toddlers Buster: Yeah Rio: You want me to come take 'em away or is there someone else in there with Buster: Just me, that was the appeal initially Rio: Lucky you Rio: I've gained a shadow, like Buster: Can't really tell a 6 year old to fuck off Buster: Shame Rio: Yeah Rio: you remember how to sign it if you need to? Buster: 'Course Rio: 👍 Buster: 🍀 Rio: Please Rio: got quite enough pride assaulting me without you starting Buster: Fine Buster: Since you remembered your manners about it Rio: I don't remember you being this concerned with manners, ever Buster: That's how you know I'm taking the piss even when you can't actually keep up Rio: If I hadn't kept up, I wouldn't feel this shit today, like Buster: It don't mean you did Buster: Half of what I had would knock you over Rio: and you don't know the half of what I had Rio: only brought me a few, don't get carried away Buster: I'm not asking for a list, like Rio: You won't be getting one Rio: don't fancy boking to top it off Buster: There weren't any brandy on it, I already checked Buster: You'll be grand Rio: Tah for the concern 😏 Buster: You're so welcome Rio: Okay, take the piss all you like but its weird when you're polite Buster: Fuck you then Rio: More like it Buster: I do aim to please Buster: Everybody knows that Rio: A long way from Chelsea, boyo Buster: No shit Rio: Be home for you in no time Rio: no O'somethings in sight Buster: Counting the seconds, like Rio: Do it quietly Buster: Diego and Gus ain't concerned Rio: not much does them Rio: 'cept being forced to particiate in family shit Rio: got a lot in common Buster: Yeah Rio: monosyllabic is alright but if you go full catatonic, I'll have to tell someone Rio: you know the rules Buster: I know they're meant to be broken Buster: So don't worry about it Rio: Sure Rio: that rule goes without saying Buster: They're on the move Buster: Do you want me to follow 'em? Rio: Can you Rio: I'll head up now but just so they don't get lost lost Buster: Sure Rio: 👍 Rio: [hunt 'em down girl] Buster: [Buster just awkwardly lurking so they don't die] Rio: [just nodding a little like thanks then and 'leave you to it again' before chasing 'em off] Buster: [forever watching her go like it's nothing] Rio: [rip] Buster: [at least most of the fam are having a nice time, god bless] Rio: [if that ain't being a teenager tbh, even if you weren't secretly in love with your cousin, like] Buster: [one is relatable if not the other lol] Rio: [let time pass] Rio: you want a coffee from the cafe? Buster: Less want, more need Rio: Exactly Rio: it'll be shit but I don't have any coke on me either Buster: You're a continual source of disappointment to me, Cavante Rio: Not the magic word Buster: Should be Buster: It's more motivational Rio: Don't change career plan Rio: put it that way Buster: I don't intend to Rio: and I don't need motivating Buster: Just shit coffee, alright Rio: Currently Rio: don't imagine you'll be coming up with any better plans any time soon Buster: I easily could but I can't imagine including you in 'em regardless Rio: Yeah yeah Rio: shut up and don't be a dick whilst I wait for these drinks at least Buster: [pops up like oh hey because that dick 'I'll wait, you sit'] Rio: [shooketh but does best not to show it, goes and sits like] Buster: [doing that whole waiting and paying thing] Rio: [sneak peeks honey Buster: [blatantly has also bought her a 🍪 or something cos nerd so bringing that over] Rio: [when you're confusion but not gonna turn down a free cookie #same and drinking that coffee like you need it to live 'cos you do] Buster: [Likewise drinking that coffee as fast as he can without burning his tongue lol] Rio: [just having a silent coffee break] Buster: [so awkward] Rio: [at least you aren't running away lads] Buster: [proud of you] Rio: [look like better? when they're done] Buster: [clearing the shit away so he don't have to answer because not really lbr] Rio: [can have Grace come find her #obsessed so they don't have to do this rn] Buster: [hey girl hey when he'd literally run off cos she's that annoying haha] Rio: Oh cheers Buster: Don't mention it Rio: can't you come entertain her Rio: you're clearly good with kids Buster: It ain't me she wants Rio: 🙄 I'm tired Buster: I'll go score us some lines then, yeah? Rio: Yeah, obvs Buster: I am gonna get out of here though Buster: So if anyone asks you ain't seen me in ages Rio: Why am I covering for you Buster: 'Cause you're not a snitch Rio: Sure about that one now Buster: Always been sure about it Rio: Off you go then Buster: Cheers for the permission Rio: You don't have it but I'm sure that's part of the appeal Buster: I don't need yours and I don't want theirs Rio: Exactly Buster: It's your own fault you're too popular to come with Rio: I don't imagine I was invited Rio: and how is it anyway Buster: Best big sister ever is likely to be missed in a second, like Rio: not a choice Buster: Yeah it is Rio: not for me Buster: More fool you Buster: Enjoy being tired and bored Rio: Thanks Rio: for not getting it Buster: I get it, I just choose not to pander to it Buster: The way you've made yours ain't my problem Rio: Its beyond apparent that you don't but that's not anyone's but yours today Buster: Whatever you say, babe Rio: What you said, yeah Buster: Nah but feel free to put words in my mouth if it ends this convo quicker Rio: Talking about you and your sister, actually Rio: not exactly aspirational Buster: Good Buster: Even you can aim higher than she is Rio: She's not the one fucking up Buster: That's debatable Rio: And you have nothing like a majority Buster: Woe's me Rio: Seriously Buster: How will I ever win now? Oh yeah that's right, easily Rio: Only by your own definition Rio: we can all do that, McKenna Buster: Why are you such a loser then? Rio: Because your definition means fuck all to me Buster: And yours means even less than that to me Buster: Save your breath for running around after the kids Rio: 💔 Buster: I know Buster: At least you wear it well though Rio: Thought you would have matured a bit by now Rio: how awkward Buster: Do yourself a favour and don't think about me so much Rio: I'm not pretending I've got somewhere else to be Buster: Me either Rio: uhuh Buster: I've left the shit museum, I don't have to have a destination in mind beyond that Buster: But since you're so interested I'll probably go to the gym Rio: You know they won't let you use the weight machines Rio: you're too little Buster: Hilarious Buster: Last night I was tall Rio: They got age limits Rio: don't want any weird body builder kids Buster: I didn't ask you to worry about how I'm spending the rest of my day Rio: Who's worrying but you Buster: You're going on about it more than my parents ever have about anything so obviously you Rio: so your parents are shit Rio: got it, it was kinda obvious without you banging on about it Buster: It's the first time I've mentioned them so what's actually obvious is that I'm not banging on about anything Rio: Don't cry Buster: You already did that so there's not really much point Buster: I'd just look like a copycat Rio: Yeah, and you're NEVER that 😂 Buster: Not of anything you do, no Rio: just all your really cool friends Buster: They follow my lead Rio: of course Buster: I'll let you know if Diego and Gus are successful in making their own escape and I see 'em on the street Buster: No need to pretend you wanna chat to me beyond that Rio: Not me that can't hold a conversation Rio: but thanks Buster: I never said you can't, I said you don't want to Rio: Same difference, clearly Buster: There's loads of difference Rio: I don't doubt you're able to string together more than two words at a time but if you ain't with me, why would I care Buster: I can be as coherent as you like, the fact remains you don't like it Rio: You haven't said anything worth listening to for years, Buster Buster: And you know why Buster: Until you wanna acknowledge that, Rio, there'll continue to be fuck all to say and even less to listen to Rio: Don't speak to me like that Rio: where the fuck have you been, when have you ever tried to acknowledge it Rio: don't put it all on me when you're just as complicit, good or bad Buster: Don't speak to me at all Buster: You know where I went Buster: Where the fuck are you? Rio: Do I Buster: It's no secret, it's never been Buster: I'm still there, any time you feel like looking me up Rio: You ain't Rio: and maybe I ain't either Buster: It ain't that simple, like it or not Buster: I'm still the same person Rio: I don't see it Rio: we aren't Buster: You see what you wanna see Buster: Just like every fucker else Rio: Who wants this Rio: why would I Rio: its fucking Buster: You made choices that got you here Buster: If you don't wanna be, make different ones Rio: I didn't just make a choice Rio: it was mutual Rio: and it ain't that simple, like it or not Buster: I'm where I need to be, it's that simple for me Rio: You're where your parents put you Rio: you've got no ownership over that Buster: I didn't mean geographically Rio: Neither did I Buster: Then you're wrong, I do have ownership over it Buster: I've done what I've done 'cause I have to do it, end of Buster: I can't be in any other place with you Rio: You could Rio: but you've made your choice Rio: I just hope it is 'yours' Buster: I don't do things for anyone else Buster: That's you Rio: Alright Rio: here's me pretending to believe that Buster: Fuck off Buster: I'm a selfish cunt there's no pretending otherwise Rio: 👍 Rio: not saying you're not giving it your best shot Buster: Nah, you're too busy acting like I backed you into a corner you don't wanna be in Rio: How would you know Rio: did we ever talk about it Rio: no Rio: have you asked since Rio: also no Buster: I know 'cause I used to know you and I still know what matters to you Buster: So we don't need to talk about it Buster: And I'm not gonna ask Rio: Fine Buster: Yeah Rio: Like I said, you have no fucking idea Buster: And what, you really don't think that's for the best? Rio: It's what it is Buster: No, come on, you want me to know you like that Buster: You wanna give any power to me Rio: It ain't about want Rio: pretend all you like Buster: What is it about then? Rio: Don't do yourself down Rio: you know Buster: You're lamenting that chat we never had, you tell me Rio: Forget it Rio: if you aren't gonna at least do me the favour of keeping up Buster: I told you, I'm not a charity Buster: Say it Rio: Neither am I Buster: As far as your boyfriend is concerned, probably reconsider the stance Buster: You could do loads better otherwise Rio: There's nothing wrong with my boyfriend Buster: If that were true he'd get a girl his own age Rio: Well he's always liked me Rio: and I'm better than any girl his age Buster: Oh please Rio: I am Rio: but I don't need you to think so, he already does Buster: I already said you can do better than that cunt, I don't need you to feed me a rehearsed line Rio: I like him Rio: you don't even know him Buster: Thank fuck I don't Buster: He's obviously a nonce Rio: Shut up Rio: you're so childish Buster: Don't let him round your sisters Buster: You'll be too old for him soon Rio: Stop Rio: you aren't funny Buster: It isn't funny Buster: But I'll get my mum to have a word with you before we go, she's got more experience than me Rio: Yeah, make it something it ain't Rio: she's not pissed off with you enough, like Rio: use her trauma for whatever point you think you have Buster: I don't give a shit how angry she is at me Buster: You either Buster: I'm right and he's fucking wrong Rio: Well it ain't your decision is it so Buster: As long as it's yours Rio: Ha ha Buster: Don't Buster: You ain't this stupid Rio: I'm not stupid at all Buster: So stop acting like it Rio: I'm not Rio: he's actually nice Buster: All's forgiven then Buster: Fuck's sake, Rio Rio: What Rio: you either want me to move on or you don't Rio: you can't have it both ways Buster: Any cunt can be nice Rio: Yeah well loads aren't Buster: That don't mean you should settle for the first one who is Buster: If I can have it any way, I'll have it that you do better Rio: Alright, thanks for the input Buster: Come on Rio: You Rio: why do you think you get a say when I just have to watch you making loads of mistakes yourself Buster: You know why Rio: You're in or you're out Rio: and we know which way it is when it comes down to it Buster: End it with him Rio: You're not being fair Rio: you don't talk to me Rio: you won't Buster: I can't be fairer, break up with him and I won't fucking kill him Rio: For God's sake Buster: Bring him into it as well if you want Buster: I don't care Rio: I'm not going to dump someone 'cos you tell me to Rio: if I do it'll be because I want to Buster: As long as you do it, the reason doesn't matter to me Rio: I'm not doing anything right now Buster: I'm not asking you to, you've got til I leave Buster: I can't kill him if I ain't here Rio: He's not done anything, like Buster: I've only got your word for that and it's for shit when you talk about him so Rio: Why is it Buster: Read back all the bullshit you said and ask me that again if you still feel like it's a fair question Rio: It isn't bullshit Rio: he is nice, we argue sometimes or he annoys me but that's normal Rio: I'm not an idiot Buster: Like I said, if you're not, stop acting like one Buster: You can't tell me that him being older ain't weird Rio: You just don't wanna hear it 'cos you've made your mind up Rio: and it's not, it's good, he has a moped and a job so we can actually do things Buster: I don't wanna hear about the things you do, cheers Rio: Don't be gross Buster: Do you love him? Rio: That's way too serious Rio: It's not been that long or Rio: no Buster: Okay Rio: You know how it is Buster: Do I? Rio: 'Course Rio: don't need to be on your socials to know Buster: You can just admit you are, I reckon we're slightly past the feigned indifference Rio: Alright Rio: I'm allowed to Buster: You've always been allowed to do whatever the fuck you want Rio: Backatcha Buster: Just forget it, I'm calmer now Buster: Your boyfriend can live to nonce another day Rio: Really Buster: What? Rio: It's fine, just exactly what I said Buster: Alright Rio: Actually, no it ain't Buster: Yeah well Rio: Don't yeah well me Buster: Don't tell me how to speak Rio: You've really just dropped that to drop it Rio: why Buster: What are you talking about? Rio: Fuck that Rio: don't try to gaslight me too Buster: Calm down Buster: Jesus Christ Rio: No, just 'cos you have doesn't mean I am too Rio: you've just thrown all your bullshit at me and then bounced Buster: That ain't even close to all my bullshit, first of all Buster: Second of all, I told you I was calmer not calm, and you ain't helping Rio: You know what I mean still Rio: and if you don't care why should I Buster: And if I do care, is that actually gonna change anything Buster: 'Course not Rio: It isn't me saying that Buster: So what are you saying? Rio: If you cared, of course it matters Buster: I didn't say it wouldn't Buster: I told you it wouldn't change anything and it won't Rio: Who says Rio: beside you, obviously Buster: Come on Buster: Every reason we had to do what we did and not do other shit are still there Rio: There's no reason it has to be this shit Buster: I'm the reason Buster: I ain't gonna be nice to you, keep hold of your boyfriend for that Rio: You wanna be Rio: I know you're capable Buster: Don't tell me what I want Buster: Or what I'm capable of Rio: Try and tell me either is wrong Buster: I told you years ago, I don't wanna say something I can't take back Rio: Yet you do it all the time Rio: as long as it's something nasty and vile, then that's alright Buster: If it keeps you at arm's length or further then yeah, it is Rio: Alright me Rio: but you do it to everyone Rio: your parents, Nance Buster: They get what they deserve Buster: You think they're all sweetness and light to me? Rio: Of course I don't Rio: you're gonna end up alone though Rio: it needs to be sorted, all of it Buster: How I end up ain't your problem, least of all 'cause there won't be one Rio: Yes it is Rio: I'm not the one pretending I don't give a shit about anyone else in this family Buster: Well you don't have to give a shit about me, like you said, I'm barely in it Rio: You act like you aren't Rio: still are regardless Buster: I won't be as soon as my mum and dad can no longer force me Buster: Hold it together for like another year or two at most and then you don't need to see me Rio: Cool, you wanna be like Joe then Buster: I can do without the intravenous drugs, like Rio: That's not why no one ever talks about him Rio: you ain't stupid Buster: Don't talk to me as though I am then Buster: I know everything you know about Joe Rio: so why do you wanna join that club of 2 Rio: pretend you don't have a family Buster: I keep telling you, I don't follow no cunt Rio: you do keep saying that Buster: This family pretends a lot worse, start your crusade there if you're on one Rio: I try Rio: more fool me, right Buster: Yeah Buster: Cheers for saying it so I don't have to Rio: Fuck this Rio: your absence has been noted, btw Rio: stay wherever the fuck you are out of sight, like Buster: Whatever Buster: In no rush to go home regardless of your warning Rio: You're welcome Buster: I feel it, babe Rio: You know who to blame Buster: I'm not blaming anyone Buster: I'll own it Buster: Even if you don't thank me for leaving you alone Rio: Bullshit Rio: you take out how crap you feel on everyone Rio: so don't fucking own it Rio: blame yourself, actually Rio: or sort yourself out Buster: Cheers but I don't need motivating any more than you did earlier Rio: Such a waste, you Rio: I'm not giving it out to you Buster: Good, don't Buster: 'Cause what's bullshit is you thinking you have any idea what I feel like Rio: Yeah Rio: 'cos happy people act like you, Buster Buster: Most people don't feel the need to put an act on at all, babe Rio: did I say I was happy Rio: no Rio: but you're a miserable prick and it don't take fuck all to see it Buster: Did I ever say I wasn't? Rio: You said I had no idea how you feel Buster: You don't Buster: That don't mean I was putting myself at the happy end of the scale Rio: No shit Buster: What the fuck do you want from me, Rio? Buster: This ain't confession Rio: Can't you just be fucking happy Rio: is that so much to ask Buster: Yeah Buster: Especially when you're the one asking Rio: Well then Buster: Do it for me Buster: You be happy Rio: This isn't about me Buster: For me it is Buster: So much of this shit is about you Rio: Oh thanks Rio: I'm not trying to make you miserable Buster: I didn't mean it like that Buster: I don't want you to be miserable either, that's all Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Buster: You know you would be, yeah? Buster: This way it's not as bad as it could be Buster: And I'm not as bad for you as I could be Buster: End of Rio: Its just Rio: sometimes its hard to believe it could be much worse Buster: I know Buster: How's Edie? Rio: I think she's having a good day Rio: beyond that Rio: you know Buster: Yeah Rio: think she's enjoying them not being here Rio: god knows how it'll be when they're back Buster: Let me know Buster: Not that there's fuck all I can do from Chelsea or anywhere else Buster: But still Rio: There's fuck all I can do from the same house, like Rio: so don't worry Buster: 'Course I won't Buster: I only worry about myself, clearly Rio: 'Course Buster: I can't offer you a good day but if you want a good night Buster: It won't be that hard to find me Rio: ? Buster: What's your question? Rio: I have a few Buster: Fine, what are your questions? Rio: How, where and why are you breaking the rules after laying them down again Buster: Well how is easy, I'll send a cab for you Buster: But I can't predict the future, that was your game, so the where will have to wait Buster: You already know the why Rio: Alright Rio: even though the how was more how are you gonna give me a good night Rio: that's a prediction too, yeah? Buster: Come on, you only wish you didn't know who the fuck I am Rio: Wouldn't waste a wish Buster: Bring your boyfriend if you want, it'll make it even easier for me to beat the shit out of him Rio: Obviously not Buster: I'll allow it 'cause of my feelings about sharing Buster: But it ain't very nice of you Rio: If I wanted to see that, I'd come to one of your matches Buster: The invitation has been extended and been standing for years, babe Buster: It ain't my fault you never wanna cheer for me for some reason Rio: I wonder Buster: Get yourself another coffee, I'll make sure you need it Rio: 😏 Rio: Any excuse to lose the trail of kids behind me for a second Buster: I would come and distract 'em but I'm one of the notorious Irish myself now so Rio: The quickest way to get yourself recognized in here Rio: given the names already in, like Buster: This could be my last night of freedom as things already stand with how many missed calls and angry texts I've got Buster: You're gonna make it count with me, yeah? Rio: 'Course I am Rio: you know me Buster: Good Rio: arguably your lack of freedom will just be more shit like today though, you do realize Rio: so, not really any more punishment than you was getting so you may as well go all in now Buster: I'm going all in anyway Buster: For you Rio: Good Buster: It will be, I've just had the best idea Rio: but I've got to wait and see? Buster: Do you want the surprise or do you wanna help? Rio: You know how helpful I am Rio: shameless Buster: Put together a guestlist of the least cunty people you know then Buster: I have the ideal party venue Buster: And I'm gathering supplies as we speak Buster: If there's any left over wedding booze, take it Buster: I'll say it was me Rio: Alright Rio: I'm in Rio: I won't get caught, or in trouble Rio: but I don't mind taking my share if it did happen Buster: I know but I ain't letting you Buster: Tonight's about making things less shit for you not more Rio: What about you? Buster: What about me Buster: I didn't call a truce for you to question it that hard Rio: Okay, okay Rio: no more questions, deal? Buster: You not gonna ask me where it is? Buster: You'll have to tell your friends, like Rio: Go on then Buster: [sends her the deets cos my idea is that it's a house baze have bought to do up but not done yet hence it'd already lowkey be trashed] Rio: Not even gonna question how much shit you may or may not get in for this Rio: more the merrier? Buster: I said all in 'cause I meant all in Rio: I'm remembering Buster: For tonight you can trust me Rio: Cinderella rules Buster: But if you piss off at midnight I will take the piss out of you Buster: 🤴 or not Rio: Fair Rio: Not that bitch Rio: won't be wearing glass shoes either Buster: I ain't carrying your shoes about whatever they're made of 'cause I'm nobody's bitch Buster: Would be a good weapon though Rio: I don't take my shoes off mid-party either, 'scuse you Rio: gotta commit to the look and deal with the consequences, like Buster: Does it hurt though? Buster: Like actually or are some girls just dramatic Rio: Nah it does Rio: but if you don't do it now you'll be in your 20s still hobbling 'round Rio: gotta toughen up Buster: Good to know Rio: Its your skin being pinched 'til it rubs off, not fun but you know Rio: when you're as short as I am, what's the alternative Buster: Get your boyfriend to carry you Buster: If he wasn't such a pussy Rio: Around a party, all night Rio: okay Rio: not actually a princess Rio: and you need at least four footmen for that, so Buster: I could easily do it Rio: So could he Rio: but you'd both want a drink at some point 😂 Buster: He couldn't carry a dozen eggs, first of all Buster: Second of all, if you can't aim a drink into a lad's mouth while they are carrying you about, what the fuck are you playing at Rio: 😏 Rio: You're ridiculous Buster: If this girl I invited shows her face, I'll show you Rio: You might wanna ask her if she'd like to be carried around first, like Buster: She'll love it Rio: Who doesn't Buster: Exactly Rio: 🙄 Buster: Shut up Rio: I didn't say anything Buster: You don't have to Buster: I received the emoji, like Rio: What would you prefer Rio: Emoji-wise Buster: Do you really want me to answer that, babe? Rio: You can Buster: I know I can, I asked if you wanted me to Rio: Sure Rio: I'm nosy as fuck Buster: You're distracting as fuck Rio: Its been said Buster: Yeah, I just said it Rio: I think you've said it before Rio: as well Buster: It's been true before Rio: Yeah Rio: Who is this girl then Buster: I ain't telling you Buster: You could know her Rio: Well I'll see if she comes, won't I Buster: You can't warn her off when she's already through the door though Buster: She'll see me and not give a fuck about anything else Rio: Why would I do that Buster: If you know her, why wouldn't you? Buster: It's no secret you think I'm a cunt Rio: Anyone I know and like would know that Buster: Whatever Buster: It don't sound like she's coming anyway Rio: Sorry Rio: if its any consolation my boyfriend won't be there 'cos you want him to be Buster: I only want him dead, don't get it twisted Rio: I wasn't implying it was 💕 Buster: I'm not gay 'cause my twin is Buster: Sorry for his loss Rio: I'm sure he's devastated Buster: Undeniably Rio: 😏 Buster: So will she be when she hears how good our party was Rio: Duh Buster: What time do you want your cab? Rio: Earlier side Rio: just in case nan or granddad ask where I'm going Buster: Alright Buster: I'm already there sorting shit so easily done Rio: I can help Rio: I've got the leftovers Buster: Get ready and tell me when you are Rio: 👌 Buster: Not that it matters 'cause I'm stuck wearing this Rio: Don't you think you ALWAYS look good? Buster: Fuck off Buster: I obviously do but I could also obviously do better Rio: You look fine, calm down Buster: Get the word fine out of your mouth in relation to how I look Rio: 😶 Buster: So fucking rude Rio: You don't need me to tell you anything, come on Buster: Shut up then Buster: You're meant to be getting ready Rio: I can multitask Rio: and you're meant to be in truce mode Buster: A truce doesn't turn me into a pussy Rio: That isn't the same thing Rio: you can not tell me to shut up and still not be a pussy, like Buster: You can not tell me I look fine and still not like me Rio: Are you really that offended Rio: I meant it in a good way Buster: Yes Buster: I'd never tell you that you look fine Buster: Fuck fine Rio: Alright Rio: I take it back Buster: Don't bother Rio: Ugh Rio: why not Buster: 'Cause it ain't genuine in the slightest Rio: How do you know Rio: take me at my word Buster: Use better ones and I will Rio: I just tried and you cockblocked me Buster: Try harder Rio: Do you want your ego stroked or not Rio: why make me work for it Buster: There's fuck all you don't have to work for Buster: That ain't a rule I've made Rio: You're being dumb Rio: if I was asking for a compliment, sure Buster: You're being annoying Rio: Well I don't know why we're still talking about this honestly Buster: Like I said, shut up then Rio: You too Buster: Consider it done Rio: I am ready though Buster: Alright Buster: Where do you want picking up from? Rio: I'm gonna walk down to the phonebox from my house Rio: send it there Buster: Okay Rio: How many missed calls are you on? Buster: 37 Rio: Oof Rio: that's rough Buster: It's standard Buster: That trauma we both mentioned, it makes her highkey about shit like this Rio: Nah I get it Rio: have you told her you're safe or anything, like Buster: She knows I'm alive, like Buster: Not that cruel Rio: Good Rio: don't know how in I could go if I was worrying about that, like Buster: Don't worry, when you're got a dead kid the other two automatically step it up in making sure you know they ain't Rio: Makes sense Buster: Can't break all the rules in one day, it'd make tomorrow really fucking boring Rio: Again, no need or reason to argue with that Rio: although I can't promise you a good day either, obviously Buster: You could but I won't hold you to it Buster: Truce'll be over when the party is Rio: Tah for the faith though Rio: forget you said it in the AM too Buster: Forget whatever you like Rio: Is that permission? Buster: Do you need it? Rio: Just taking the piss Rio: always seems to amuse you Buster: Sure it'll amuse the cabbie too Rio: No doubt Rio: I'm a delight Buster: I don't have that much faith in you, babe Rio: Fuck off, like Buster: Definitely don't have enough faith to leave you here on your own if I did Rio: 😑 Bollocks Buster: Nah Rio: I'm a much better host than you Buster: That's the issue Buster: Too welcoming if anything Buster: If only I could trust you as far as I could carry you Rio: Don't be such a dick Rio: you don't know me like that Buster: I know you're too nice Buster: It's not much of a read though, you can calm down Rio: I know what you're saying Buster: Good, I won't need to repeat or rephrase Rio: Me either Rio: fuck off Buster: Fine, see you soon, Cavante Rio: Mhmm Buster: Don't start on the leftovers without me Rio: There's enough to go 'round or I wouldn't bother bringing it Buster: Still Rio: Don't be telling me what to do on top of everything Buster: Come on Buster: I'm asking Rio: and it's bold of you to reckon you can Rio: but don't worry, its in the boot Buster: Fortune favours that shit Rio: Lucky you Buster: Yeah Buster: 🍀🤴 Rio: When it suits Buster: Did you learn nothing at that museum? It's such an advantage how could it not always suit Rio: Not really Buster: Shame on you and obviously a shame in general Rio: 💔 Rio: can tell on me if you like Rio: earn back some brownie points Buster: Not til tomorrow Buster: I probably won't remember by then Rio: so you're a snitch now too Rio: Shame on you and obviously a shame in general Buster: Fuck off Buster: No Rio: Convincing, McKenna Buster: If I need to convince you of that, you can turn the cab around and find something else to do Rio: I've invited everyone now Buster: Don't mean I have to let you in Rio: like to see you try and stop me Rio: don't be a pussy Buster: I know you would but the door'll stop you easy enough Rio: Gonna lock your guests in Rio: very welcoming Rio: they're mostly my mates, in what world am I not getting in Rio: avoid me and I'll avoid you Buster: In what world could I not pick you up and throw you out Rio: Don't fucking touch me Buster: How are you gonna stop me? Rio: Do it and find out Buster: Behave and I won't have to embarrass you in front of your friends Rio: Who do you think you are Buster: Who do you think I am? Rio: I don't care to think about you Buster: Don't underestimate me and you won't have to Buster: I'm trying to give you a good night and you're trying to ruin it Rio: I am not Rio: if you can't say anything at least not entirely unpleasant to me, then don't feel the need to talk to me at all Buster: Likewise Rio: You started it Rio: I was defending myself Buster: Bullshit Buster: Leave your attitude at the other side of the door Rio: No it isn't Rio: you called me a slag and you've got no right or reason so just leave me alone and we'll have no issue Buster: If I had I'd have said it outright Rio: Bullshit Rio: I know what too nice means when you say it like that Rio: because just being nice, isn't an issue at all Buster: It means you're a pushover Rio: Well I ain't that either Rio: so you can still get fucked Buster: For someone who apparently don't care what I think you're really taking my words to heart Rio: I don't let anyone talk to me like that, period Buster: I don't need you permission to speak, end of Rio: Then don't speak to me or about me Rio: you don't have that permission Buster: Avoid me, like you said Buster: There's fuck all else we need to say to each other Rio: I intend to Buster: Good Rio: That, we can agree on Buster: Yeah Rio: [Time] Rio: Are you sure you've given me the right address? Buster: Not a fucking amateur Rio: What is this place Rio: it looks like a decent housing estate Buster: Fingers crossed 'cause my parents have bought it to sell Rio: Ah Rio: that makes sense Buster: Why the fuck did you think I had keys to the house? Rio: I thought it was just an empty Rio: but its too nice around here to be that easy to get in Buster: Like I'm gonna throw a party at a crime scene Rio: Why would it be a crime scene Rio: happens all the time 'round here Buster: Breaking in and trespassing are both crimes for a start Rio: 🙄 Rio: Not if the window was broken 'fore you got there Buster: I'd still be trespassing Rio: Not when its council, think on Buster: It's not Rio: I know Rio: that's why I asked Buster: Whatever just come in Rio: Hold on, this suitcase is heavy Buster: [comes to carry it cos of course he does] Rio: [tries to stop him on principle like no no] Buster: [clearly ignores her and takes it in] Rio: [just 😒 but still coming in, obvs] Buster: [has a look through and takes a bottle out he fancies because start as you mean to go on] Rio: [just looking 'round the gaff like don't mind me] Buster: [letting her cos then he can sneak looks at her cos let's assume she looks 🔥] Rio: [always does but has clearly gone all out with the 'fit 'cos the mood] Buster: [he would've too if he could've, god bless these extra kids] Rio: [couldn't really bring you anything soz boy] Buster: [I'm sure he still looks good cos likewise always does] Rio: [nods like 'not bad' also like quite soon she moves in with Indie and Drew I think so rip] Buster: [when you're trying to check her face cos those injuries but not make it obvious cos you ain't drunk yet] Rio: [we'll pretend not to notice] Buster: [just fucking off upstairs to do something party prep related cos he's looked at her too long] Rio: [should we let people show soon or make them suffer the awks] Buster: [I say let them suffer cos peeps don't usually show til later haha] Rio: [that's what I was thinking] Buster: [great evil minds] Rio: [just be in the kitchen getting shiz out] Buster: You need any help? Rio: Thanks, I was just gonna look in the garage and shed, see if there's any chairs or shit left Rio: can make sure I don't get murdered and help me carry if there is Buster: There's fuck all in the shed unless you wanna sit on a bike all night Buster: But yeah let's check the garage Rio: As likely as me being carried about, I reckon Rio: sounds good Buster: [Appears like oh hey] Rio: [just like come on then] Buster: [have fun in the creepy garage lads] Rio: ['whoever lived here last had loads of shit' it should be packed 'cos garges always are] Buster: [just looking through it for shit that's actually useful cos probably so much that isn't lol] Rio: [try not to trip in your heels babe] Buster: [he would catch you though] Rio: ['can use some of these boxes as tables, at least'] Buster: [takes them through before she can and is straight back] Rio: ['you thought of a career in removals, like?'] Buster: [gives her a look like fuck off cos so offended that's so beneath him] Rio: [🙄 and goes back to rummaging] Buster: [does find some chairs cos why not and is trying to wipe the dust off them without getting covered] Rio: [takes a stack when he's done] Buster: [also grabs a folding up little table cos again why not if they've left loads of shit] Rio: [just looking around like what else do we need to 'cos otherwise what are you gonna do lads] Buster: [looking at like an old tool bench or whatever cos they could put stuff on that but it'll probably be heavy so looking at her like do you want this or no before I make the attempt] Rio: [shakes head like no 'if we need it, you can always get some of the lads to help you later, I'm not getting oil and crap all over me, like'] Buster: [when that gets you thinking about who she's invited so you ain't happy even though you know her boyfriend ain't coming] Rio: [as if she would just invite girls lol oh boy] Buster: [he is so silly and so obvious, good day] Rio: [Ryan should come for that throw forward] Buster: [yaaaas] Rio: [least you can be on your phone giving people deets 'cos nowhere to look but at each other rn] Buster: ['which one of your friends is sorting the music?' cos if it's just speakers and a phone you need less room than like decks so he wants to know how for the layout not just being a judgey prick] Rio: ['Leesha's brother has a proper setup, he's gonna bring it, she's not far away'] Buster: [nodding and going back to drinking whatever he is because the levels of awks] Rio: [just looking at him 'what did you invite me for?'] Buster: ['I already told you' maintain that eye contact always] Rio: [a LOOK] Buster: [you've gotta have one back forever] Rio: ['truce, yeah?'] Buster: ['Yeah' passes her the bottle he's drinking from to make the point] Rio: [takes a swig, still not breaking that eye contact] Buster: [takes it back and takes his own swig also not breaking it] Rio: [smiles at him for probably first time in forever] Buster: [smiling back because can't not] Rio: [better have people showing to interrupt for now] Buster: [get the dj lad in so he can leave her to sort that] Rio: [chat to your friend that came with] Buster: [we can always skip to later when they are drunker and more people are here if you want] Rio: [why not, we know the drill] Buster: [I'm gonna say that girl did show so he's been focused on that since lbr he don't really have that many friends in Dublin cos he hasn't been back much etc] Rio: [Fair] Rio: idk where you are but the downstairs loos lowkey been trashed Rio: might need turn the water off, i think? Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: [Does come and do that cos he could've been upstairs easily enough] Rio: Its a party Rio: [is obvs not just there when he comes down but in the kitchen or some shit] Buster: Cheers for the reminder, like Buster: [let's say he comes back through the kitchen then so they have to cross paths haha] Rio: [shrugs like yeah people are dicks especially drunk people but what you gonna do] Rio: aren't you enjoying yourself then Buster: [reads it and shrugs back 'tonight's not about me, remember'] Rio: [mouths 'still'] Buster: [gets another drink which could mean either yeah cos there are still drinks left or nah and I need this, there's no way to know] Rio: at least it was an ugly bathroom? Rio: be replaced anyway, yeah Rio: [going through to the lounge to dance] Buster: 'Course Buster: Like I said, ideal venue Rio: [reads it and does a thumbs up] Buster: [comes through to dance with this unnamed girl who has come downstairs and found him again] Rio: [god knows who you are tbh] Buster: [generic 13 year old irish white girl ftw thank god he's a good dancer cos the odds that she is are not good] Rio: [just getting her off the dance floor real quick] Buster: [don't embarrass him in front of his cousin/ love of his life and all her friends thank you] Rio: [bless lol] Buster: [she should so leave early like he said he'd take the piss out of Rio for doing though cos then what's he gonna do with himself] Rio: [be bored and drunk, a deadly combo] Buster: [exactly dr phil] Rio: [should go off to the non-broken bathroom with a group of peeps inc. Ryan] Rio: d'ya want some coke Buster: Obviously Rio: Come upstairs then Buster: [does and soz about everyone else he only has 👀 for Rio] Rio: [likewise that twat who's probably mad all these other hoes are here 'cos clearly just wanna ply her with drugs casually but gotta keep it casual for now boy and pretend you're nice] Buster: [thank fuck I said he'd done coke before because I'd die if he made a fool of himself in front of Ryan] Rio: [I like to think she ain't but is 'cos he has, I won't let you fuck it up too hard babe, watch the others, like] Buster: [I like to think he knows she hasn't cos of her reaction when he said he has so he goes first so she can watch him] Rio: [in my head her boyf is less about this life so she's not unlike when Ryan etc so yeah] Buster: [that's legit af cos we all know she does things to please peeps especially at this age etc so] Rio: [exactly dr phil] Buster: [he's just gonna be keeping an eye on her subtly cos don't know how it's gonna hit if you ain't done it before and also Ryan is a dickhead and none of us trust him ever] Rio: [least it lasts for like no time so you gon be fine babe, also yeah let's all get out of this bathroom and away from him tah for your drugs] Buster: [Buster just chatting to one of her female friends who was also there but 👀s on Rio like making sure she's alright] Rio: [why not wander outside 'cos hot] Buster: [definitely gonna follow her even though he's got no excuse] Rio: [just looking up fully expecting anyone else so like 'oh, hiya'] Buster: ['hey' but said so it means are you okay] Rio: [little lol 'tah for making sure I don't die for my ma and that, like' but smiles like, I'm good] Buster: ['it ain't only for her' cos remember neither of them are allowed to die they said] Rio: [obvs remembers that too so just a sad kinda 'yeah' Buster: [turning to go cos she's alright and he don't wanna bring her down that ain't the mood] Rio: ['you off then?] Buster: ['Out of the garden anyway' turns back to look at her again 'coming?'] Rio: ['I dunno, am I invited?' but grins and gets up to come] Buster: [pulls her along but gently not rudely like come on, again no excuse for that have you] Rio: ['Come dance with me or I'm gonna talk and talk to you, like' up in his ear] Buster: [when you're really into her being that close to you but you have to hide it by looking down at her heels like 'trying to keep you alive, remember' and 😏] Rio: [a face like pfft 'I'm not taking them off, remember, come on'] Buster: [does come on because we all know he's wanted to dance with her since forever] Rio: [we all know it's gonna be such a moment but we can pretend its the drugs so fuck it go all out Buster: [literally though because even without their shameless chemistry they're both such good dancers but add that and the drugs and the fact they've never done this with each other and every pent up emotion bye] Rio: [fully gonna have to have a 'big tune comes on so everyone jumps in and they get split up' or else, like] Buster: [true that even though he'll be FUMING and probably have to fight someone now how lads do but we can blame the coke for that too at least] Rio: [we can let 'em have it 'til the last second though 'cos rude like that] Buster: [simply must so it's torturous when they have to stop] Rio: [just gonna go to that hoarders garage whilst he's fighting this lad so 1. you don't see/can't intervene 2. you can be alone and frustrated yourself 'cos who else would be in there, like] Buster: [enough time to have gone by that he's won a fight] Buster: Talk to me then Rio: Yeah? Rio: I see why you needed another line, like Buster: Has your friend got any more? Rio: Unless he's gone through it all Rio: such a fiend Rio: I'll find him Buster: Alright Rio: Where are you anyway Buster: Some cunt got the door stuck on the master bedroom and can't get out Buster: I'm gonna break it down, like Rio: embarrassing Rio: at least they'll have time to get clothed and you aren't a dad Buster: Yeah Buster: Where are you? Rio: on the move now Rio: figure best bets are side of the dancefloor for max perving potential Rio: or out front with their cars doing whatever lads do with cars Rio: looking at 'em Rio: shag 'em, like 🙄 Buster: Careful, that was actually funny Rio: I am funny Rio: you wouldn't know Buster: Well, I wasn't planning to laugh the door off its hinges so behave for a sec Rio: 😏 Rio: just use your brute strength, got it Buster: You don't need much but probably should make sure the cunt in question don't have his nose pressed against the side I ain't on Buster: Or something else Rio: Or someone else Rio: well considerate, you Buster: Exactly Buster: And yeah, but you wouldn't know Rio: 'cos you hate me now Buster: Hilarious Buster: You gonna keep the jokes going for the rest of the night or just til you find your friend? Rio: Hates a strong word Rio: but if I find him I can definitely keep it coming, like Rio: ha what if its him Rio: in the bedroom Buster: Don't do it all without me Buster: Unless he's in there doing some shit to himself with the old tools in the shed, unlikely Rio: Awh, so mean Rio: its probably Dan though, s'always Dan Buster: As long as it wasn't him I beat up Buster: Maybe Rio: what you do that for Buster: I don't know if it was him or not Rio: Yeah but I mean Rio: you know what I mean Buster: Whoever the fuck it was got in my way Rio: excuse me usually works alright for me Buster: 'Cause you're beautiful, everything and anything works for you Rio: you are too Buster: Not to him and it was mutual so Rio: I guess Buster: He was fucking off to the garden to lick his wounds if you wanna see which of your friends it is Rio: How many people do you want me looking for Rio: honestly Buster: You told me you could multitask Rio: I'm already talking and walking Buster: Poor baby Buster: I bet your shoes are killing you by now Rio: They are, actually Rio: sarcasm detected but ignored Buster: I'll find you and carry you, hold on Rio: Now who's got jokes 😏 Buster: This is serious Buster: Do I get any clues as to your location or no? Rio: It's more fun if you come find me Rio: hide and seek Buster: You've got a point Buster: And you're on Rio: Count to ten Buster: [voice memo of the count because how else will she know] Rio: [sends one back and she's just chuckling like nothing else of real importance there babe] Buster: [so cute though] Rio: [honestly where are you gonna hide, like] Buster: [is she gonna be in the hoarders garage again or somewhere else? tbf the trashed bathroom would be a good place cos he wouldn't think to look there until he's checked everywhere else] Rio: [also risky 'cos who else would be in a unusable bathroom so doing it] Buster: [casually looking all round the house but it's not that big so] Rio: you're slow Buster: Your attempts to distract me ain't gonna work Buster: I'm getting us drinks so you can pour mine into my mouth for the full visual, obviously Rio: Hmm Rio: I might be asleep by then Rio: not a clue, although I am straight chilling Buster: Fine, if you don't want yours, I'll give it to your pretty mate Rio: 😠 Rio: play the game Buster: Just 'cause you can't distract me don't mean she couldn't Buster: It ain't my fault she's playing a different game Rio: ugh Rio: shut up Buster: Make me Rio: Can't Rio: you already said Buster: [appears and is giving her a look like okay now make me which isn't dangerous at all] Rio: [just taking her drink and downing it like it's mine as are you bye] Buster: [just watching her do it shamelessly] Rio: ['how do we know who's won?' like do u mean hide and seek or what, we'll never know but all the eye contact rn Buster: [just brushing her lips with his fingers so suggestively like okay boy 1. she does not need you to wipe her mouth thank you and 2. have the decency to not be maintaining that eye contact if you're gonna be so blatant 'sure we can figure it out somehow'] Rio: [just tracing where his fingers were with her own with the vague excuse of wiping him away if she needs it but barely thinking about any of that nonsense right now 'Well, can you walk and think, McKenna?' 'cos not forgot you're meant to be carrying her rn] Buster: [downs his drink so they don't have to worry about carrying it and picks her up effortlessly cos she's smol and he's strong as if that answers that but we know he can't think coherently any time they are that close/ have physical contact] Rio: [such a bad idea all 'round but 0 regrets] Buster: [the fact everybody's gonna see that he's carrying her around this party while they look for Ryan and drugs] Rio: [don't mind them lmao, so blatant for forever, it's not like a platonic piggyback moment and we can all see it] Buster: [Ryan is gonna be so angered] Rio: [not gonna be in a sharing mood] Buster: [if they even find him cos distracted af] Rio: [truly like how are you hiding you're dying when you're that close, you just ain't] Buster: [it's like jj fake dating all over again cos yeah think it through kids] Rio: [but its so real, can't just not when you've got opportunity and excuse] Buster: [literally cos this is the first time they've been together with no fam also around so I don't blame them remotely and they ain't thinking about tomorrow rn even if I am] Rio: [like fr how freeing 'cos there's no chance of being caught unlike always] Buster: [exactly that cos even if any of her friends were aware they're all wasted and doing their own thing too so] Rio: [and what you gonna do, tell her mum, i think not ladies] Buster: [haha that'd be more awks for her friends than the incest they are accusing her of cos don't be a snitch like] Rio: [exactly dr phil, someone, Ryan, ahem, telling her boyfriend she was all over another boy though, possible] Buster: [oooh he would the snek] Rio: [always been snekky and clearly a shit friend already so] Buster: [I'm here for the relationship drama though cos things are already rocky with her and her mans anyway] Rio: [we all know it ain't gonna last much longer, may as well happen now] Buster: [mhmmm cos we all know Ryan would lay it on really thick even if he hadn't been lurking all night and seen them dancing earlier and everything] Rio: [not like he's opposed to outright lying so if he says they banged then her mans will be mad 'cos they ain't so that'll be it over] Buster: [yeah cos fuck you anyway tbh boy you're not a good egg] Rio: [also live for you losing your v to him even though its just a rumour not a trumour Buster: [I wish you could guys but we are evil] Rio: [things have gotta happen lads] Buster: [literally gonna be pondering what we can get away with happening rn as I fall asleep] Rio: [dream on, 'cos obvs things do happen over the years before they full get it together, that much is known so you know] Buster: [I didn't have any dreams cos they were all stressy but they should 'look' for him in places he ain't likely to be but there are likely to be less people around cos blatant] Rio: [I'm with that] Buster: [risky but that's the mood tonight so] Rio: [and lowkey always 'cos can't be tamed, clearly, just adjusting yourself by holding on 'round his neck 'are you tired yet?'] Buster: [looking at her like do I look tired but we all know you just wanna do all the eye contact always] Rio: [😏 'cos you clearly do not wanna be put down either] Buster: [😏 too and in her ear being flirty af and letting your lips brush against her skin like your fingertips did earlier cos why just talk even though she'd hear you fine and you'd have to inconvenience yourself bending and shit like when you can be extra 'So are you having a good night?' Rio: [when you'd just shiver on contact and there's no hiding that so you don't, just nodding 'not bad' 'cos who doesn't love a challenge as if this hasn't gone far enough children] Buster: [carrying on looking for Ryan despite knowing that's not what she meant cos not gonna make it that easy to get what she actually wants obvs] Rio: ['he wouldn't have gone home without saying bye to me' 'cos ain't that the tea] Buster: [laughs like yeah true cos we all know it's the tea] Rio: [oh Ryan] Buster: [takes her to get a drink cos they ain't getting any drugs at this rate] Rio: [gives him his like he said which is akin to sexy crepes] Buster: [no hiding that you're into it] Rio: [in his ear back 'you should drink with me more'] Buster: ['you just wanna be carried around more' and like does a spin or something fun to make the point] Rio: [loling, loving life 'maybe' also cue Ryan spotting y'all instead of you finding him] Buster: ['Definitely' and more silliness until Ryan's ⛈ appears] Rio: [least he won't be obvious that he's gonna snitch 'cos snekky so your night won't be ruined 'til tomorrow but he's still salty enough I doubt he's giving you coke] Buster: [Buster should offer to pay him cos answer to everything so then she can get his wallet out of his pocket cos he's still holding her and can't and obvs no other reason lol] Rio: [we all 👀 you, now debating if he should let 'em or be like nah 'cos pros either way, if he does then he can tell her mans they were getting crunk in all the ways he don't like but if he doesn't its like can't buy everything, Buster] Buster: [I think he should do the whole I don't want your money but give it her anyway cos 1. what you said about her mans and 2. he looks like he's such a good friend for reconsidering etc] Rio: [Solid, let us run with it and you can now leave boy, your purpose has been served] Buster: [go back to the non functional bathroom so you don't have to share with anyone upstairs] Rio: [none for yous bye] Buster: [he should sit on whatever to do the lines but not putting her down so she's sitting on his lap for this so casually] Rio: [nbd that's just chill] Buster: [absolutely the most non event ever] Rio: [you shouldn't like, get up, nah, not at all babe] Buster: [god bless] Rio: [just looking at his eyes like to see how fucked he is but what else are you gonna do rn] Buster: [meanwhile he's looking at her mouth cos wants to kiss her always and forever] Rio: ['you're fucked' but with feeling, good to get the excuse out there] Buster: ['Yeah' but quietly like how he said her name when he was about to kiss her those other times] Rio: ['me too' still not looking away] Buster: [staring back at her like I know] Rio: ['it's weird, isn't it' looking away like she's looking around, shaking her head 'I mean, no one is gonna wake up and stop us now'] Buster: [touching her face so she'll look at him but the way he would've after he headbutted her that time and she got hurt like it's a flashback moment 'Do you want to be stopped?'] Rio: [shakes her head, but slower, so her head ends up resting on his hand, 'You never want to be stopped, like'] Buster: ['I'm not asking myself the question, I know what I want'] Rio: ['What do you want?'] Buster: ['What do you want, it's your party'] Rio: ['That you made for me'] Buster: ['Like you said, it ain't bad, but that's not good enough, so like I said, what do you want?'] Rio: ['Do I have to say it?'] Buster: ['Tell me' cos that doesn't mean she has to use her words it just means he needs to know] Rio: ['You know, Buster, you've always known' and no way to stop you going in for this kiss now] Buster: [letting it happen cos that's their first kiss really, the awkward kid one playing dares wasn't anything like what they wanted it to be for many reasons] Rio: [no one is rushing to claim that even though its so cute god bless, let 'em have this moment so they know its 🔥] Buster: [just gonna make out til your lips are bruised the next day cos that won't be awkward] Rio: [let's hope you've not got some forced family fun to attend lmao, at least someone who doesn't know the toilet is bust/or does not care can interrupt before we go all out here] Buster: [her boyfriend gonna be raging imagine and yeah parties are full of easy interruptions] Rio: [though they might need a like 'the cops/baze are coming' kinda interruption here 'cos we know there's no stopping now you know] Buster: [true the police could shut this down cos then he'll be in even more trouble and there's less chance of them crossing paths these hols] Rio: [yeah that's big trouble, like actual consequences vibe, everyone scatter then] Buster: [baze could even send him home with one of them if we wanted/needed so] Rio: [or all go home in disgrace] Buster: [yeah soz Nance] Rio: [ruin the hol, also leave mcvickers without as much help, all 'round gonna get you on the shit list, wanna skip to tomorrow?] Buster: [oh boy you've really fucked up here and yeah we can skip] Rio: hear you're going home Buster: You heard right for once Rio: how long you in the shit for Rio: forever, like? Buster: Until I do something worse Buster: Or redeem myself by winning something, like Rio: Won't take you long once school starts back up then Rio: somehow nan believed I was somewhere else so Rio: 'trouble' looks like the usual, tied to the kids as per Buster: I told you, they all see what they wanna see 👸 Rio: Sure they'd be more suspicious if the gaff was my parents and the keys were missing Buster: Probably Rio: Or if we didn't hate each other, obvs Buster: Well yeah Rio: I'll invite Nance back next hols Rio: make it up to her Buster: I'd tell her but she ain't speaking or listening to me Buster: If only my parents would shut up as well I wouldn't have a headache Rio: There was only a few days left anyway, she'd be dreading going back regardless Rio: I feel like shit and all, the painkillers ain't touching it Buster: Careful, it almost sounds like you're on my side Buster: [tells her some weird remedy that he's created that he would swear by and probably does actually work cos he's smart like that but I'm not trying to think of rn cos I'm not] Rio: It was my party so Rio: but don't get your parents to patch me into the telling off, I can use my imagination Rio: gotta dedicate all my brain power to the cure rn anyway Buster: Work out too if you can lose your shadow for long enough Rio: Let's not get carried away Buster: Come on, that's bare minimum Buster: You mentioned dedication a second ago Rio: You also don't need to take over for 'em and lecture me Rio: Running 'round after this lot is so much cardio tah 💪 Buster: Whatever you say, babe Rio: 🙄😏 Rio: did you get caught then Buster: You don't need me to answer that for you Rio: but is that a lowkey humblebrag or a duh, I'm in trouble now, bitch 🤔 Buster: Either/Or Rio: how are your feet Buster: I wasn't wearing heels in case your memory's unreliable Rio: Shame Rio: I meant 'cos of the running we had to do though Buster: I know what you meant Buster: I'm fine Rio: Good Buster: Are you? Rio: I did take my shoes off for that Rio: not gonna let your efforts be for naught, like Rio: very rude Buster: Good Rio: though my house has never felt further Rio: which is saying something Buster: Where's that pumpkin carriage when you want it, yeah? Rio: tbh Rio: maybe my tiara has slipped Rio: 💔 Buster: Impossible Rio: Appreciate the faith Buster: And more realistically all the hair you've got to keep that tiara in place, I'm sure Rio: That actually makes it harder, I'll have you know Rio: how dare you doubt how hard this princess business is Buster: Really? Rio: Have you seen all my hair Rio: its out of control Buster: Yeah so like trap the tiara in, no? Rio: You're such a boy 😂 Buster: Cheers Rio: it wasn't a compliment but its pretty cute Buster: It's a compliment if I take it as one and I am Rio: Have at it Rio: you probably need it Buster: What's that meant to mean? Rio: That you're in everyone's bad book rn Rio: what else Buster: I don't need your pity or their pats on the head Rio: it ain't pity, and you've taken it now Buster: Fuck that Rio: Fine, don't take the compliment Buster: I don't want it Rio: Okay Rio: I'll survive Buster: No doubt Rio: 👌 Buster: We done? Rio: Sure Rio: good luck then Buster: What's luck got to do with anything? Rio: Don't hurt, does it Rio: didn't you learn anything from the museum Buster: I'm already not hurting Buster: And nah, you know I didn't Rio: Your headache gone then Rio: good stuff Buster: There's fuck all you can say or do regardless Buster: Keep your luck for yourself Rio: Suit yourself Buster: I always do Rio: want a round of applause Rio: I'm fresh out Buster: Like you said, I won't have to wait long to get one Rio: Cute Buster: You already said that too Rio: Remains Rio: you can go now Buster: Yeah I could Rio: You wanna Buster: 'Course, I love giving my parents bullshit my full attention Rio: 😇 son, like Buster: If you were any kind of angel you'd get me out of here Rio: You en-route or in your Dublin prison cell still Buster: 🍀 Rio: Never felt less true, yeah Rio: I don't reckon you're getting past your jailers, or I am Rio: divine intervention pending Buster: You'll just have to distract me then Rio: So we're not done here now? Buster: I only asked if we were, my word ain't yet law, babe Rio: That's not what being a lawyer is Rio: hate to burst your bubble 😏 Buster: I know and I've mourned, like Buster: Don't worry about it Rio: Poor baby Buster: I'm neither, hate to burst yours Rio: Well however will I cope Buster: What can I say? You'll just have to Rio: Cold Buster: I did tell you to get me out of the same room as my mum Rio: Ouch Rio: consider myself 🍀 to get off so lightly then Buster: Yeah Rio: Oh, hold up Rio: [the boyfriend drama] Buster: [when you care but you can't say anything because you have to act like you don't so you're just waiting in silence] Rio: I am usually better at distracting Rio: for the record Rio: had to take a call Buster: It's fine I've got packing to do that for me now Rio: I know Rio: don't want my good name being dragged through the mud any more though so Buster: Any more than what? Rio: Oh Rio: people talk too much Rio: someone from the party told Harry on me so we just had a lovely chat, like Buster: You should've let me kill him when I first suggested it Buster: Problem solved Rio: The problem of being reckoning they know shit when they don't Rio: only half of what I've been accused of is even true, that's what fucks me off Buster: If he's believing someone else over you he's a stupid cunt Buster: End of Rio: Wouldn't you Rio: if your girlfriend was seen doing lines and 'all over' some other lad Buster: It wouldn't happen to me 'cause I don't have girlfriends Buster: What does he do when he goes to parties, recite bible verses? Rio: If you had one though, you wouldn't be happy Buster: If I had one she wouldn't give a fuck about other lads Buster: We aren't talking about me Rio: No, we aren't Rio: I'm just saying I get his logic Rio: not the person, people, whatever who felt the need to rat on me Buster: Nobody saw fuck all so whatever they said to him was bullshit Buster: Meaning he ain't basing anything in logic Rio: Doesn't matter now 'cos I've been dumped regardless Buster: I told you to get in there first Rio: I didn't want to Rio: or I wasn't ready Buster: I also told you that you can do better Buster: You will when you want to Buster: It's his loss Rio: I'd love to know who you'd suggest instead, like Rio: Christ Buster: I'l write you a list when I've got time to kill on the plane Rio: Tah Rio: very generous of you Buster: I am Buster: Not that you'd know Rio: Now you've told me I do Buster: The party and your feet not touching the ground for ages wasn't enough for you? Rio: You're the one that said I didn't know Rio: who am I to disagree Buster: It doesn't normally stop you Buster: In fact, you're usually happy to disagree for the sake of Rio: Hardly at the top of my game right now Rio: did just get dumped over the phone, if you missed it Buster: Fuck that, who the fuck's he to count for anything Buster: Can't even end things face to face Rio: That's indefensibly and undeniably shitty Rio: even if I am a coke whore, come say it to my face, like Buster: You tried it and you liked it, that's not a crime Buster: It's a party, having fun is what people do Buster: Except pussies like him apparently Rio: We hadn't slept together Rio: that's why Rio: with what he's been told, said it was obvious I didn't actually like him, you know Buster: He's put in all those nonce hours for what he considers to be nothing, he's gonna be well mad Rio: Shut up Buster: Would you have fucked him if he'd hung in there? Rio: He was my boyfriend Buster: That's a cop out answer Buster: But assuming you mean yeah, the snitch has done you a favour Buster: And if you weren't going to, he'd have dumped you anyway 'cause he's that cunt Rio: It's not Rio: Weren't planning to see if I could make him wait 'til marriage for the craic, like Rio: Whatever, got to own it now Buster: It is 'cause you don't owe him that for the boyfriend label Buster: You either wanna or you don't Rio: No, I know that Rio: but that is what boyfriends are for Buster: Then you did like him and he's full of shit, bringing us back to my original point that he's a fool for believing rumours over you Rio: I did but Rio: its complicated Rio: maybe I didn't like him that much Rio: I didn't wanna do it then wish I hadn't Buster: If you're second guessing it, don't do it Buster: That's a way to keep things uncomplicated Rio: Well I won't now obviously Rio: why do you think I'm out Rio: he'd get over it all if I would Buster: I don't just mean with him Rio: Are you trying to save me, McKenna? 🙏 Buster: You don't need saving Buster: Not that kind of 👸 remember? Rio: I ain't scared or nothing Buster: What have you got to be scared of? Rio: Exactly Rio: I'm not frigid Buster: I don't reckon that'll be the lie he's spreading, babe Rio: No Rio: its not really lies though Buster: That depends what he's saying Rio: He's not like that Rio: not that it matters 'cos whoever told him is Rio: but I don't care about that Buster: You can find out who it was though, yeah? Rio: I'm asking Rio: the friends I can trust Buster: Good Buster: When you know, tell me Rio: Why Buster: You know why Rio: What if it was a girl Rio: you can't beat her up then Buster: If it was, I obviously won't Rio: I've legit got no idea rn though Rio: I must've been way more out of it that I thought Buster: Your friend did give us a fair amount of coke Buster: And there was more wedding leftovers than I reckoned there would be Rio: Gotta over-cater always Rio: especially with booze Rio: how this family do Buster: But with this fam there ain't usually no such thing Rio: just that 🍀 obvs Buster: 'Course Rio: Its gonna be so boring taking all the kids out now Rio: without you two Buster: Lucky for you they never take my phone as punishment Rio: you really thought they woulda Rio: still want a quiet-ish life, I guess Buster: All that bullshit you said about keeping me as a contact for emergencies ain't in this instance Buster: Don't want me to die, do they? Rio: I doubt they're that pissed off, no 😏 Buster: There's still time Rio: that your goal now? Buster: Hardly a goal when it's that easy Rio: Aim high, boy Buster: I always do Buster: But cheers for the encouragement Rio: I'm very supportive Buster: I bet your ex is really missing you already Rio: You're clearly taking the piss but 'course he is Buster: You could just get back with him Rio: I could Buster: I know that's why I said it Rio: I already said why I don't want to though Buster: Alright Rio: Why are you mad, you think he's a perv Buster: I ain't Rio: Okay Buster: There was no point to the party if everything's shit for you again the next day Buster: That's why I'm wound up about it Rio: There was a point Rio: you can't help that everthings a bit shit right now Rio: I'm not even that upset about him, it was coming, like Buster: I don't do powerlessness Buster: There's always something I can do Rio: If you can think of a way to make Edie happy, you're welcome to Rio: you've done loads Rio: it was a good party Buster: I know it's been years but do you remember any of the 🥊 I taught you? Rio: Yeah Rio: the basics Rio: why? Buster: Teach her Buster: It won't make her happy but it's somewhere to put her anger Rio: It's a good idea Rio: I will Buster: How many times do I have to tell you all my ideas are Rio: You've had a decent streak lately Buster: Fuck off Buster: If you're waiting for me to break it that ain't gonna happen Rio: Why would I want that? Buster: Oh right, you're supportive, I forgot Rio: How many times do I have to tell you, like Buster: Only the one Buster: I'm a good listener, very attentive Buster: Not that you'd know Rio: Don't rub it in Rio: that's just mean Buster: Not rubbing anything, like Buster: Gotta finish my packing Rio: 😂 Buster: Sorry to ruin the fantasy Rio: Yeah that's where my head is Rio: not busy myself, like Buster: You're not that busy Buster: And I don't just say I'm good distraction and then answer my phone, I actually am Rio: How rude Rio: You have to be nice to me, I'm so 💔 rn Buster: 'Cause I'm going home, I know Buster: Me too Rio: Yeah right Rio: you're buzzin Buster: I was counting on your wild siblings to take the heat off me so hardly Buster: They're gonna be on high alert now Rio: Still Rio: you wanted to go home 'fore you'd even left Rio: so swings and roundabouts Buster: Yeah right Rio: you can deny it Rio: I won't tell no one Buster: Why would I? Rio: You could sound more sure then Buster: Again, why Buster: I don't have anything to prove to you Rio: Why lie either way Rio: no reason to not be real Buster: I don't lie Rio: Yeah Buster: I can not wanna be here and not be excited to go back as well Rio: 'Course Buster: Real enough for you? Rio: Yeah Rio: its just conversation Rio: like I said, no reason not to Buster: 'Course there are reasons Buster: But I don't give a shit about 'em Rio: Yeah, reason being if you can't face facts Rio: lots of people can't Buster: I know Rio: but that ain't you Buster: Or you Rio: Nope Rio: can ask me anything Buster: Truth ain't as good as dares, but good to know Rio: Obviously Rio: you ain't in enough trouble for your liking, McKenna Buster: It's not the right kind of trouble for my liking, babe Rio: What you gonna do about it then Buster: According to you there's nothing I can do Buster: I'm not getting out and you're not getting in Buster: Tell me when you're done underestimating me and I'll think of something Rio: You said high alert Rio: I can't say I'm coming to see your sister then ignore her Buster: Don't ignore her then Buster: But don't ignore me either Rio: I don't wanna use her Rio: but I do wanna come say bye in person Buster: You ain't using her if you say bye to her too Rio: Okay Rio: I'll see if your 'rents let me in then or shut the door in my face Buster: Nance will let you in Buster: Even though she's in a really bad mood Rio: I can imagine Rio: guess it ain't worth the few extra days to have her fly back alone though Buster: Depends who you ask Rio: Obvs Rio: have you spoken to her like at all since you came here? Buster: You told me to leave her alone Rio: I know Rio: I was asking though Buster: Well the answer's no Rio: That's gonna be rough Rio: probably leave it 'til she's calm-er Buster: It's not like we have anything to say to each other anyway Rio: She might disagree Buster: Yeah but she's unlikely to voice it right now so Rio: Problem for another day Rio: I feel ya Buster: Nah, her problem Rio: Okay Buster: I didn't do any of it to fuck up her holiday Buster: She needs to get over herself Rio: Yeah but it still did, from her perspective Buster: If she can't convince 'em to let her stay, that's her problem too Rio: Yeah Rio: not disagreeing Buster: You don't have to be nice to me, I ain't heartbroken Rio: I'm not being nice Rio: it literally is her problem Rio: what do you want me to say, like Buster: Like I said, shit like that doesn't normally stop you Rio: Funny Rio: There ain't no point Rio: I've said what I need to say about the whole thing already Buster: Alright Rio: Yeah? Rio: You can say what you want Buster: I already did too Rio: Good Rio: we all know where we stand then Buster: Yeah Rio: Do you like school then Buster: Like ain't the word Buster: No cunts like school Rio: Why not Rio: if you're smart and you got mates Buster: It's easy that don't mean it's good Rio: I hate it Buster: 'Course you do Buster: It's boring Rio: There's just so much of it that has no point Rio: if we didn't have to do that, it'd be alright Buster: Not disagreeing Rio: and teachers weren't failures on a power trip Rio: that too Buster: 😂 Rio: It's true Rio: its the job you get when you realise you've got a pointless degree and no other prospects Buster: Not the career you want then? Rio: Ha Rio: no thanks Buster: The hypothetical kids you won't teach now are gonna be gutted Rio: I know Rio: so hot for teacher Rio: but I don't plan to spend my entire life babysitting, soz Buster: Good Rio: Glad you approve Buster: Much as it obviously pains me, like Rio: 😏 Rio: You'll get over it Buster: Did my cure work or have you still got a headache to get over? Rio: I do feel alright now actually Rio: where'd you find that Buster: I'd say trial and error but I don't make mistakes Rio: Still think that? Buster: Show me one Rio: nah Buster: Exactly Rio: maybe I just don't wanna Buster: Maybe you can't Rio: shh Buster: You can say it Rio: what, shut up? Buster: No, if you think the party was Rio: It's if you do Buster: I told you, I don't make mistakes Rio: Good Buster: It was Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Buster: As long as you had a good night that's all that matters Rio: I did Rio: just shame it got cut short Buster: Yeah Buster: Not the ending I wanted Rio: Next time Buster: You gonna throw a party for me? Rio: I owe you now Rio: you will actually have to come back though, can't virtually attend Buster: You could come to London Rio: True Rio: better for your guestlist Buster: It'd be easy enough to get Nance to invite you over Rio: I don't reckon she'd wanna come to the party though Rio: call it a hunch Buster: She's not invited Rio: You're rude Buster: Call it a private party if it makes you feel better Buster: Nobody else is invited Rio: just us? Buster: We've got a hot tub here as well Buster: And I've got more cocktail making skills now Rio: That's still one of the best things anyone's ever done for me Buster: Until I do it even better Rio: when Rio: when can I come, I mean Buster: Probably let my mum and dad calm down Buster: But as discussed, it won't take long once school starts Buster: And Nance'll be happy to have you here once it does Rio: Okay Rio: that's not too long Buster: You are coming to say goodbye, right? Rio: Yeah Rio: I'm on my way Rio: it'll take me a while, couldn't really ask nan to load everyone up, like so I'm on the bus Buster: Okay Buster: It seems like a ball ache but nan wanting to stay for coffee would be worse Rio: She's not invited either Rio: no offense Buster: I'm sure she's pissed off at me as well Buster: Usually is Rio: You won't notice the difference Buster: I won't notice fuck all else when you're here Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah? Rio: I'll miss you Rio: I have Buster: I know Rio: I know Buster: I'm sorry that you're gonna miss me more Buster: Not sorry enough that I'm not still gonna make you Rio: I can handle it Buster: We'll see Rio: You will Buster: Careful, if that's a promise, you have to keep it Rio: I intend to Buster: You also intend not to ignore my sister, so you said Rio: How long have I got, roughly Buster: That's more dependent on her than it is me Buster: I'd give you as long as you want Rio: You're generous, I remember Buster: I'm not gonna let you forget Rio: I wish I could just see you Buster: I can sneak out but that might give us less time Rio: You should stay put Rio: I just know there's only so much time I can be in the bathroom or whatever before its suspect Rio: everyone knows a goodbye between us should take literally 2 seconds so, I'm trying to think of a way Buster: I'll take the dog 'cause that's literally a punishment in itself Buster: Meet me and then when the clock runs down on that excuse I'll head home and you can show up Rio: another 💡 for your collection Buster: Plenty of time for you to still be hungover in the bathroom and whatever else we need Rio: You're good, I'll admit it Buster: You ain't seen nothing yet Buster: Get her to make you food even if you don't want it, she takes fucking ages to do that Rio: Wouldn't call it nothing Rio: but I wanna see more Buster: No denying it was something but you can have everything if you want Rio: Is that a promise? Buster: Yeah Rio: Then I want it Buster: I've missed you too Buster: I will Rio: I know Rio: now you can show me, yeah Buster: 'Course Rio: Good Rio: 'cos there's a lot you missed Buster: You'll catch me up Rio: Be rude not to Buster: We can't have that Buster: You've got a rep for being so polite, like Rio: Exactly Rio: and who would wanna tarnish my 😇 reputation? Rio: not you Buster: Obviously not Rio: 😏 Buster: Rio Rio: Mm? Buster: Never mind Rio: No Rio: go on Buster: I was just gonna say that I've not done loads of shit with other girls, you know Buster: Not yet Rio: That don't matter Rio: you know I haven't either, not everything Rio: it'll still be good Rio: when you want it so bad it can't not be Buster: Unless you want it too bad, then it could be Rio: I know what you're saying but I promise it'll still be good Rio: there's loads of ways to make it last as long as we both want it to Buster: Yeah I know, forget I said anything Rio: Alright but you don't need to be nervous Rio: or anything like that Rio: its just me Buster: That 'just' shouldn't be there though Buster: It's you Rio: I'm in the same boat Rio: you know Rio: I feel like I could explode whenever you're around Buster: You're a girl it doesn't matter if you do Rio: That's not totally true Buster: You know what I mean Rio: Nah, I do, I'm trying to say Rio: its embarrassing Buster: You don't need to be Rio: Well sometimes Rio: I cum so hard I pass out Rio: what if that happened, you'd be so freaked out Buster: I can hold you up, I've already proved how easy you are to carry Buster: Don't worry Rio: As long as you don't Rio: even if we've not got time today Rio: we will Buster: I swear Buster: I'm not worried Buster: I just wanted to tell you 'cause of how socials makes shit look Buster: So you don't think it's you if I fuck it up somehow Rio: I appreciate it, seriously Rio: but I know you Rio: when its just us Rio: I know Buster: I feel that too Buster: Even when I didn't wanna Rio: Its always been good Rio: when we let it Rio: when we could Buster: Yeah Buster: All through your parents wedding I kept thinking about when mine did it Buster: How different everything was between us Rio: so much is Rio: but some things haven't changed, can't Buster: I'm still sorry though Buster: For shit that has Rio: Me too Buster: I don't hate you Buster: I never did Buster: It's not too strong of a word, it's the wrong word Buster: End of Rio: I don't hate you either Rio: and I give a shit about you, no matter what you do Rio: just remember that, yeah Buster: Don't let me forget Buster: We can be friends can't we, like as far as everyone else is concerned Rio: We were before Buster: Exactly Buster: There's no reason you shouldn't be able to come and see me in my own fucking house Buster: Or vice versa Rio: Right Rio: we can easily do it Buster: We can do whatever we want Rio: and I want you Rio: as long as you want me too, I don't care Buster: Jesus, hearing you actually say that is Rio: Its weird how easy it was to say Rio: when I've not been able to for so long, still shouldn't but Buster: When it makes me feel like that you definitely should Rio: There's so much I wanna tell you Rio: that I've never before Buster: So tell me Buster: You're stuck on a bus, what else are we gonna do? Rio: Won't be the first time I've thought about you on this bus ride, like Rio: it does take forever Buster: If we're playing that game there's fuck all places in this house and out of it that I ain't thought of you Rio: I hope so Rio: 'cos I think about you a lot Buster: Make it a contest if you like, babe, I'm confident that I'll win Rio: I won't mind losing to you if this is what it feels like Buster: Did you think about me when you were with him? Rio: Do you really wanna know? Buster: I wouldn't have asked if I didn't Rio: I did Rio: I tried not to but my brain would just go there if it got remotely good, when I couldn't control it Buster: And the more you try not to, the more you do Rio: Exactly Rio: and I can't even pretend he was just bad, its not like he's the only person I've kissed so Buster: Same, I've kissed a lot of girls but I always think about you whoever the fuck they are Rio: and its like, I can't even be mad about it or you 'cos it always makes it so Buster: Exactly Rio: Sometimes I think its the only way I can, with some people, you know Buster: Yeah, I understand that Rio: You're just Rio: you're you Rio: there's no one else like you, I swear Buster: The fact is, there's nobody else on our level Buster: It's me and it's you Buster: I invited that girl 'cause I thought it was just the ones from Chelsea Buster: That's bullshit though Rio: Its like Rio: its really fucking hard to like anyone else when you exist Buster: I know Buster: She wanted to do all sorts to me and with me but I said no Buster: Even though you had a nonce boyfriend at the time Rio: Neither of them is here now Rio: I can make you forget Buster: I already have Rio: Good Rio: I don't like her Buster: Me either Rio: Feeling jealous over you feels so stupid Rio: but I feel it all the time Buster: Don't Buster: I don't give a shit about any of 'em Buster: Ever Rio: I know Rio: and they still get to see you and talk to you and touch you and Rio: just not fair Buster: I want to see you and talk to you and touch you though Buster: I wanted to before I even knew what the fuck that meant Rio: I always wanted you around Rio: and I knew it was different to the way I felt about any of the others Rio: I just didn't know why or how yet Buster: Besides, nobody actually properly does any of those things to me so you can have it Buster: Everything, like I said Rio: People never wanna talk about anything real Rio: never mind the rest Rio: I'm sorry, that I didn't give you more of a chance to tell your side at the wedding Rio: Nancy was just really in a bad way about it when she got here Buster: You've given me more chances than the rest of this fam does Buster: And you had enough you were dealing with Buster: She's always in a bad way about me, forget it Buster: I don't care Rio: I know its hard being the one expected to look after the others Rio: harder when you can't Buster: She's expected to look after herself, that's the only real problem she's got Rio: Still, you're her older brother, that'll always mean something Buster: We ain't kids any more, that means something too Buster: But to her it means she can't run to me or mum to fix everything Buster: It's about time she finally got her head around that, like Rio: That's true too Rio: I think she's trying Buster: Not hard enough, obviously Rio: She'll get there Rio: but right now, its us Rio: and we can talk about anything we want Buster: Yeah we can Buster: And I ain't even wasted, what a headfuck Rio: I don't wish I was Rio: its better Buster: You don't wish you were 'cause your headache's only just gone Rio: well that Rio: and there's nothing to hide behind Buster: You don't need to hide from me Rio: I don't want to Rio: It feels good being real Buster: I don't want you to Buster: I want you to feel good Rio: I want it for you too Buster: I know Buster: Be here and I will Rio: Your dog won't run away will it Buster: Nah, it's smarter than that Buster: and the only one of us who does what it's told, like Rio: Good, because I don't plan to be chasing it around with the limited time we have Buster: Have you got heels on again? Rio: Maybe Rio: but that's not the point is it 😏 Buster: The point is, you ain't gonna erase the high difference if you do or don't Rio: I'm not trying to Rio: I'm trying to reach you Buster: I'll help you Rio: You better Rio: I like being that close to you Buster: What else do you like? Rio: Sitting on your lap was Buster: Good 'cause you'll have to when I take your shoes off, it's been raining Rio: I won't complain Buster: Neither will your poor feet Rio: You can make me feel better Buster: Yeah, I can and I will Rio: You're so fucking Buster: What? Rio: fucking hot Buster: Oh Rio: Oh? Buster: Why does it feel like the first time anyone's ever said that to me? Rio: 'cos you wanted to hear it from me way before anyone else said it Buster: Fuck Rio: Where am I meeting you, only a few stops away Buster: [a location which we can assume is a park or whatever cos the dog] Rio: 5 minutes Buster: It better be 'cause I'm leaving now Rio: I can't last any longer than that, so it has to be Buster: Poor baby Rio: Oh Buster: Oh? Rio: I like it when you call me that Buster: Okay, baby Rio: 🤤 Rio: how can I already hear how good that sounds in your accent, like Buster: How much have you thought about me saying it? Rio: Not quite as much as I think about you saying my name Rio: but I think about that a lot Buster: Get off the goddamn bus now and I'll say it a lot Buster: Along with anything else you want Rio: I'm gonna hold you to that Rio: if I remember to think of anything but you and where I want you anytime soon Buster: I'm gonna hold you for as long as we have so I'd say it's unlikely you'll be able to think clearly Rio: I don't need to think Rio: I need you Rio: now Buster: Say that again Rio: I need you right now Buster: Is this real? Buster: Jesus Christ Rio: I'm serious, deadly Rio: so if you're playing with me right now, I will kill you Buster: I'm not Buster: I just can't believe this is actually happening Buster: That you feel how I do Buster: That we can tell each other Rio: Me either Rio: I've felt like this for Rio: forever Rio: You can tell me anything, seriously Rio: even if its something you reckon I don't wanna hear, I'd rather that than fuck all Rio: 'cos this is Rio: so much better Buster: I couldn't disagree even if I wanted to Rio: Don't Rio: [be showing up] Buster: [I hope there's lowkey somewhere you can hide if this is a park during the holidays and she legit lives here we don't need to be running into randoms rn] Rio: [you can find some quiet corner lads, I believe in you, even if you have to go into the foliage lowkey] Buster: [at least the dog wouldn't care when he picks her up like immediately cos baze have been there, done that honey] Rio: [lord knows those two are forever highkey] Buster: [I love them so much and every time the kids shade them I'm like excuse you] Rio: [ungrateful brats lol, also literally no way she's not kissing on his as they're tryna walk, like girl, anyone could be here, god bless you highkey idiots] Buster: [it's fine cos we know he's as extra and gives as few fucks] Buster: [at least have a glorious make out session before we move you though] Rio: [live your best life kids, when this has been SO long coming you need to be outside rn or we're outing ourselves immediately and you must not] Buster: [at least with them being outside it'll be easy to make them wanna go home cos so many clothes in the way as it's feb] Rio: [it would be chilly af, with that, first time nerves, the dog and baze blowing up your phone like come back, its believable, away you go] Buster: [yeah and we all know you'd wanna touch and see so much of each other cos you're those bitches] Rio: [good god if you ain't gonna go all out after this] Buster: [How the fuck are they gonna keep quiet for real cos he can put his hand over her mouth or whatever but he's a loud bitch his damn self] Rio: [if you can't get it done now with baze and Nancy home, she will have to come to London] Buster: [yas hot tub surprise 2.0 thank you] Rio: [that will be a cute full circle moment also give you some time to not be cockblocked] Buster: [should we still let them now or say they didn't get chance to fully go all in?] Rio: [Hmm, I say mutual 'things' but still not the full thing, enough to miss each other and know its gonna but being realistic about how much time they can have without Nancy at least noticing] Buster: [I vibe] Rio: [Have a final cockblock babe] Buster: [the goodbye is gonna be so cos can't show how gutted you truly are in front of peeps] Rio: [oh babes, at least you can have a lil private one 'cos that's rough] Buster: [we'll get her to London soon kids don't worry] Rio: [do you think they're going tonight or tomorrow] Buster: [in my head I thought tomorrow morning but it can be whenever] Buster: [ooh he should walk her to the bus so they can have their lil goodbye but nobody can stop him cos it's for safety bitch] Rio: [that's a mood forever, oh the emotions rn like] Buster: [like we don't know the time, it could be getting dark by the time she leaves cos Nancy is highkey] Rio: [how distracted she would be the entire time like I'm so sorry girl lol] Buster: [oh you awkward self centred gay how do you not realize] Rio: [what a read] Buster: Talk to me then Rio: I miss you already Buster: Don't Buster: You're gonna be with me really soon Rio: I know Rio: still Buster: Baby Rio: It doesn't feel real Rio: I can't believe it is Buster: But it is Buster: It happened Rio: I know Rio: my lips were already bruised from last night but now Buster: Yeah, mine too Buster: I'm happy that they are Rio: I need to feel you when you're not around Rio: bruises are good Buster: Exactly Buster: I'd almost forgotten that there was a better feeling than winning a fight Rio: I won't let you forget Buster: Good, don't Rio: I ain't going to Rio: we ain't done here Buster: I'm done here but not with you Rio: I'm definitely holding you to that Buster: You can Rio: What else Rio: whilst you're promising me things Buster: Whatever else you want Rio: Everything Rio: yeah? Buster: I promise Rio: I just want you Rio: all that entails Buster: You have me Rio: and you've got me Buster: I don't wanna go Rio: I know Rio: it feels like when we were younger and the holidays always went too fast Buster: Walking away from you was always so shit Buster: And yet again I'm spending all night looking at a packed suitcase instead of you Buster: Fuck all has changed but everything has, like Rio: its fucking surreal Rio: having to say goodbye in front of your family like I don't care at all Buster: We could leave together tomorrow before the flight Buster: It wouldn't be the first supposedly impossible thing I've ever done Rio: you've gotta go back and do your time as a good boy Rio: otherwise they'll never let me come see you Buster: I've gotta be with you now Rio: When's your flight? Buster: [a time] Buster: I can't get on it Buster: I know I can do anything but I can't Rio: We can make this work Rio: I'll come see you before you go Buster: Fuck it, I just won't go Rio: Buster Rio: Its gonna be okay, I promise Buster: Yeah it will 'cause they can't make me board a plane Buster: I'll just stay with you like we both want Rio: Okay and then what Rio: you've got school to smash, all that important stuff Rio: we'll still be together, it won't be like before, not talking or anything Buster: You're more important than any of it Buster: This way nothing goes to shit as soon as I set foot back in London Rio: It won't go to shit, we won't let it Rio: can do anything, right? Rio: we want this, then we'll have it, no matter what Buster: You have to be right about this Rio: I swear, I'll do everything I can to make it okay Rio: better than okay Buster: I won't lose you again, will I? Rio: No Rio: we can't go back Rio: it's out there now and that's a good thing because we can't hide from it Rio: we have to stick together Buster: Alright Buster: Good Rio: You're gonna be so good, baby, I know it Buster: I'll prove it to you Buster: I don't care what I said about not Rio: I believe in you, Buster Buster: Nobody else has ever told me that before Rio: They should Rio: and I mean it Rio: I've always known you're good Rio: and you're going to be even better Buster: I miss you so fucking much Rio: I feel it too Buster: It's not just today either, you know Buster: It's all the time Buster: You were the best friend I ever had Buster: You are Rio: We can be best friends again Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm not gonna fuck it up from now Rio: Me either Rio: I don't wanna waste time missing you for the wrong reasons Rio: I can deal with missing you for this, when I know I'm gonna still be able to talk to you and be with you at the end of it Rio: but that other bullshit is over now, I can't Buster: Like you said, there's no going back Buster: It's forward, no matter what Buster: Like it or not Buster: But I swear you will Buster: 'Cause I won't hurt you ever again Rio: I get it, why you did what you did Rio: why I did it too, we had to Rio: we had to see if it would go away Rio: but it never did Buster: I'm not sorry that it wouldn't Rio: Obviously Rio: I really fucking like you, yeah Buster: I mean, no cunt's ever gonna change my mind, whatever they say or they think Buster: You're perfect, Rio Buster: That's what I think Rio: You're gonna make me cry on this bus Rio: I'm so glad I know you Rio: and if I didn't, I would find a way Rio: because you're different Rio: like you said, me and you, we're on our own level Buster: Don't cry Buster: Not when I'm not there to wipe the tears away, like Rio: I'll be brave Buster: I know Buster: You're properly brave, and not just for a girl either Rio: You're cute Buster: Remember how annoyed I used to be whenever you called me cute Rio: Yeah Rio: you gonna let me now then 😏 Buster: I'm not gonna stop you Buster: Annoyed ain't the word any more Rio: Good Rio: 'cos that's the least of the compliments I wanna give you, honestly Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yep Rio: Don't wanna spoil you though, save some for later Buster: Why not? I wanna spoil you Rio: You always have Buster: Do you want some duty free, like? Rio: I don't need anything Buster: Pretty sure I said want, babe Rio: I want you to get something that makes you think of me Buster: That'll be easy then Rio: Yeah? Buster: You know I think about you all the time Rio: I do now Buster: Come on, you did Rio: I didn't know, I had an educated guess though Rio: I like it when you say it more than just wondering Buster: You can ask me anything you've ever wanted to know Buster: I like talking to you Rio: You're my favourite person to talk to Buster: Good Rio: I think a plane to see you is actually quicker than this bus Buster: It is Buster: You'll see Rio: Do you think I can come one weekend Rio: I don't wanna wait 'til the next holiday Buster: Fuck waiting til Easter Buster: You're coming as soon as we can talk our parents into it Rio: Definitely Rio: shouldn't be that hard Rio: we'll think of something Buster: 'Course Buster: Like you said, I just need to behave Buster: And your parents are pushovers Rio: Pretty much Rio: its just Nance I'm worried about Buster: I'm about to do my homework in full view so if you wanna talk to her, it's a good time to start Rio: I don't know how to do this Rio: long term, its easier if people think we're friends again, right Rio: or at least on better terms Rio: she's gonna be hardest to convince Buster: You could tell her you were at the party Buster: Getting wasted together is a bonding activity in this fam Buster: Or if you don't wanna be complicit in an action that fucked her holiday, use the wedding instead Buster: Say we've been talking since then, it ain't even a lie Rio: It might help, actually Rio: if I take some of that off you Rio: not that you're gonna be besties but it'll work in our favour if it was my party, which it was Buster: I can handle it, you don't need to worry about me Buster: Do what works for you Rio: I know you can Rio: I just reckon its more understandable than a complete 180 Rio: I was helping slag you off a bit with her, like Buster: What did you say about me? 😏 Rio: I don't even know Rio: she was on one, I didn't disagree Rio: just that you're a prick blah blah blah Buster: You're cute Rio: Really Rio: fine, I won't be nice to you, if that's what you like Buster: Yeah you will Buster: You can't help it Rio: You're right but don't be annoying about it 😏 Buster: Well maybe I can't help it Rio: Being annoying Rio: Maybe, babe Buster: Behave, you're not meant to agree with me Rio: 😂 Rio: It's okay, I still like you Buster: I still like you too Buster: I definitely can't help that Rio: Good Rio: I don't want you to stop Buster: I won't Buster: And I don't wanna either Rio: Promise Buster: Yeah I do Buster: On whatever you want me to swear on Rio: I'll think Rio: but I trust you anyway Buster: You can Buster: I didn't drop you and I never will, obviously Rio: and you always stick to your word Rio: with dares and most things Rio: so I do Buster: With everything Buster: And I'd do anything for you, dare or not Rio: Did I mention I miss you already Buster: Yeah but the more you do, the quicker my homework gets done so I can actually do something about it Rio: [sends voice memo saying it loads 'cos cute nerd] Buster: [sends a pic of his finished homework cos likewise] Rio: It's rude how smart you are, honestly Rio: but can't be mad about it right now Buster: It's rude how smart and beautiful and funny and caring you are Rio: shh 😳 Buster: No Buster: [a voice memo full of compliments so I hope you've left the kitchen or wherever you were doing that homework in full view lol] Rio: [gotta be a bit less obvious than that kids lol] Rio: Why are you so nice to me Buster: 'Cause you deserve it Rio: you do too Buster: You've always been nice to me Buster: Even saved my life after all that brandy, right? Rio: It felt that scary at the time, like Rio: drama 👑 and 👸 Buster: Yeah Buster: I couldn't feel it til later, like Buster: But Rio: We've done some pretty stupid stuff yeah Buster: More than our fair share, I reckon Buster: And we'll obviously do loads more Rio: That works for me Buster: London's full of stupid shit Buster: You'll love it Rio: Do you Rio: apart from the cunts Buster: It's less boring than Cambs Buster: Nothing ever happened there Rio: You can take me to all the cool places Buster: Before Nance tries to drag you to all the shit ones Rio: 😏 Rio: Shame I don't have any nerdy gay friends to distract her with.. Rio: I'll have to get on that too Buster: You could bring Junior Buster: It'd be like when we were kids Rio: Not exactly what I meant but I could Rio: though idk if adding to the amount of people we have to avoid is the right idea either Buster: I know what you meant but pimping my sister out isn't the right one either Rio: 🙄 don't make it sound so sordid Rio: but it isn't, she's so shy, bless her Buster: She ain't shy, she just needs to be around the right people Rio: She is quite shy Rio: it's not a bad thing strictly Buster: Whatever Rio: Its not fair, is it Buster: What? Rio: That we live in different countries Buster: We won't always Buster: When we're older we can go where we want Rio: We should Rio: there's so many places I wanna go Buster: Then we will Rio: There's so much I wanna do with you Buster: I want you there whatever I'm doing Buster: We should be together all the time Buster: So much of it has already been wasted Rio: Then I will be Rio: simple as Rio: nothing or no one can get in our way Buster: I have a fight [insert a weekend date for it that's soon] can you come to London then? Rio: I'll ask my parents soon as they're back Rio: but I don't see why not Buster: Okay Rio: I don't know if I wanna see you get hurt Rio: but I'll still cheer you on Buster: You won't see that Buster: I don't get hurt Rio: Don't Buster: Don't worry Buster: There's nobody as good as me Rio: I know Buster: You can watch me play football instead, if you want Rio: No, I wanna Rio: I can just watch you with boxing Buster: Alright Rio: I mean, I'd come to both Buster: It's a standing invitation, like Buster: For as long as I'm doing both Rio: I'll support you in anything, you know that Rio: long as it can just be me and you after, like Buster: It can always be just me and you Buster: Like you said, nothing and nobody's getting in the way Buster: And nothing or nobody's more important to me Rio: Buster Rio: You're incredible Rio: perfect Buster: You are Rio: you Buster: Tell me when you're back home Buster: I'll call you Rio: you could call now Rio: I don't mind Rio: just wanna hear your voice Buster: [obvs does]