#anyway. i know cant not is contradicting but thats literally how id talk so

[credulouscanidae]

every day i live in a passive limbo, waiting for the moment i suddenly feel better and can confront my anxiety, paranoia, and loneliness.

i feel like i have been shattered, and left in pieces with no glue to be put back together.

every day my existentialism and history of being gaslit dominates my brain and i can never make sense of my thoughts and feelings. i am constantly second-guessing myself, and implanting intentions that weren't previously there. i feel like i am required to have constant self-awareness, and to not have so means that i am Obviously Insane and Unsalvagable.

people on the outside would think im just a very holistic thinking person. which is true, and can be a good thing. but honestly? it's detrimental to how i perceive myself. i cannot unabashedly live in the moment of anything. i am, by default, viewing myself from a third person perspective in a hyper critical way. i feel afraid to fall into any category of people or labels, because to claim anything about myself is felt to either be a lie, a mockery of people who are "really" that thing, or it's attention seeking (which of course is the worst thing you could ever do right?)

even claiming to be existential causes a fear and anxiety that i am being pretentious or not self aware that it's a very human experience. my detachment from the world, my trauma, my existentialism, none of it is important or matters because others experience it too.

i cannot begin to describe what gaslighting does to the brain.

what it's done to me.

i dont even wanna claim ive become very isolated because others also experience it. id say the lockdowns from 2020-2021 triggered this, but i think more and more and realise that i wouldve done this when my mum died, or even earlier had i not had a confident person with friends take me under their wing.

i feel my whole life has come into question. i feel like my old home, my old life, my friends and pet and loved ones, dont exist anymore. i feel like im a dead person, looking back on their life and realising who i really was. all the mistakes and inconsiderate behaviours i ever done. it just fuels the fire of the gaslit brain.

everything i ever do or feel is a contradiction. i dont matter to others, but i also have more of an impact on others than i realise. the impact i have matters more than what im ever feeling, and for me to not be self aware of that clearly demonstrates how selfish and horrible i truly am.

maybe it's why people think im such a giving, non-judgemental, and sweet person. im not. im angry. im subjugated. im frightened. like a deer in the headlights, i have no choice. im easygoing and agreeable because i am scared of disagreeing or giving my thoughts through normal debate. because doing so in the past has caused assumptions about me, or intentions skewed or created. my words did not matter, but also they did.

i dont know how to just. start talking to people again. i have been given advice from people who have dealt with isolation but. i know the secret is to challenge yourself and do things even when you dont feel ready, because youll never feel ready, but how? i have lost so much. i dont have the support i need to do something so brave. because i am a coward who avoids and runs away. thats probably manipulative for me to do anyway. ive dug myself into a hole i cant climb out of. ive literally made it worse for myself for no reason. and now i cant even face the consequences of my own inaction.

but why would i wish for people to be there for me when i cant even be there for them? i know i would be there for them, in a heartbeat, but i cannot right now. thats selfish and manipulative to say i guess but. it's not fair that others dont get considered as a result of me not considering myself. mental illness makes you selfish. it makes you not a good friend.

i want to be a real friend.

dont wanna break when i bend.

.....

i have a therapist im gonna be seeing every 2 weeks. if this doesnt work out, then idk what i'll do. i have settled for the most part, and when life feels good, when my roots are grounding and growing in england, it feels good. i dont have many friends here, but i am happy with my partner and his friends, but it feels like i have so many loose ends and a life i have left behind that i cant face. and i am guilty when i experience happiness, let alone share it. because that doesnt align with my narrative that im suffering. which i am, but, i am also trying to survive and live in the life i currently have.

i guess that's what happens to the gaslit brain.

but i have to believe things will get better.

because if i don't

then what?

[back-on-my-bullsh-again]

no i mean im QUITE happy youre willing to chitchat about this and having a background like you mentioned is definitely a bonus point. and i understand you have life outside of social media so i dont expect fast replies or a reply at all.

answering your question, i would say…. ‘trad feminine’ maybe means having female characteristics? *typical* bio female stuff, i mean. the ability to get pregnant, to have vagina, etc. (yeah i know not everybody can or wants to be pregnant & not everybody who has a vag is a woman etc.). however almost everybody knows how a person with female characteristics or a typical woman looks like. of course its conditioned, like gender, since im sure a …say what… a 1-2 year old wouldnt know what a female is and wouldnt even give a shit about it. so back to the point, being pregnant = feminine but feminine =/= woman. one can be/have any gender, since thats just another term without concrete meaning…?

you know what. im not sure id like it if feminine/mascule would have a concrete definition. i sure as fuck dont undertsand any of this gender stuff. like, literally, nothing. why is it here, why do we need it, why does someone feel connected to it, how is it created, why cant we get rid of it, why is it meaningless…

Sorry for the delay. I had a pretty busy weekend. But I have been thinking a lot about this. And having this conversation with you has been helpful to me because I'm working on a personal project that touches on some of these things, so chatting about this is allowing me to organize my thoughts in a more coherent way.

Anyway.... I think this is where a lot of people get caught up talking past each other in discussions of what is feminine or masculine. Because, to me, what you're describing as traditionally feminine are things that I describe wholly as aspects of biological sex that exist outside of having any sort of gender expression. To describe something as feminine is to say something is expressing a gender. A feminine gender expression might mean wearing a skirt or wearing makeup (both of which are only feminine in our current understanding of gender and at previous points in history have been masculine or gender neutral). But aspects of gender expression exist outside of a person's gender or their biological sex and, because none of these categories are strict binaries, a person can have labels that to normative society appear to contradict. Which, I think, is how you and I have ended up in conflict. Because you are drawing a line that connects female to feminine. But that is an arbitrary line. There are plenty of female people who are not feminine and would have their feathers ruffled at someone referring to them as such. I'm not even talking about trans people who were assigned female at birth. My initial thought was butches. I've known plenty of butch female women who completely rejected the feminine. They did not want to be labelled feminine. So, by connecting anything female to anything feminine, there would be a coercive assignment of feminine to people who flat out reject the label.

Your line connecting pregnancy to the feminine is one that is so common in society and it is that connection that was my main source of discomfort in and around pregnancy. But nothing relating to gender, gender expression, even sex categories, actually mean anything. All of it is socially constructed. And all social constructions mean something different at various points in history and will, no doubt, mean something different in the future. So, since anything can be anything. Why must pregnancy be feminine and why must feminine be female? There's no real answer. Just like there's no real answer to any of the questions you end your ask with. Things just are how they are or they're not, depending on the angle that view them or even the way you feel that day. And I think once I personally came to grips with that, it made it easier to just vibe with my identity. It still hurts when people try to ascribe some sort of sex or gender category onto me based on their own ways of viewing those categories. But I'm no longer trying to fit myself into boxes that don't make sense.

[hyperionshipping]

Party for two?

It’s 11:37 pm aka best time for me to post a fic. Do you remember that one sidequest where Claptrap has you deliver invites for his Sweet party? Yea well that was super sad and I am going to get everyone who didn’t go smh

---

Tricks had gotten the invite a few days prior. It boasted an amazing party with pizza included. Hosted at no other place than Sanctuary! And that was what Tricks had been fighting. The invitation sat on his table as he paced thinking aloud. "Could I just sneak in? No, last time I tried that I got my ass shot. I can't not show up, I'm not that mean. Is there a group going into Sanctuary soon? I could probably blend in?" he groaned, sitting on the chair in front of his table, "this is hopeless. It's not like a can just show up with the invite like 'oh hey! Just me, local gun-for-hire who just did another job for the person you're all trying to kill! Just want in for a few minutes to see my bot friend!' They'd kill me on sight." sighing, he rested his head on his arms. "It's gonna be a long day tomorrow."

Getting a ride was easy enough, he had a car. Stolen of course, but a car nonetheless. He'd walk to Sanctuary, and hide the car. Easy. Next, he'd don his disguise. An old outfit he used to wear; Goggles and a torn leather jacket with a hood. In the hood was a rig that he wore to hold iron horns up. Pouches holding ammo hung from his sides, while a gun was holstered to his right. Strapped to his back would be one of his treasured sniper rifle but he felt it might be easier to get in without too much. Just in case things got sticky, he'd hid a knife in his boot.

The walk to Sanctuary was peaceful enough. It'd been a while since he'd been. Last time he went Roland had bought him a drink and tried to get him to join the fight. He told him the same thing, "Is it worth it? Pandora's a hellhole but I got money an' food. A place I can call home. I won't join ya, that's final." He had stopped trying after that. But outside Sanctuary they had met once again. Roland was kind, as he always was, and regarded him as a friend. It was a quick reunion but he told Tricks the same thing. "If you ever find yourself in need, the Crimson Raiders will always take you in. You have a home with us." He was sure that the offer wasn't up now. Word spreads quick in regards to Jack.

That didn't matter now. All that mattered was even getting into Sanctuary. He could see it. He could also see the guard at the entrance. He kept his head high as he walked by the guard.

"Wait," they said, putting an arm out. "Who're you?"

"Devil of the trade," Tricks said, smiling. The guard looked him up and down. "But you can just call me Devil."

"Uh-huh. What's your business?"

"Here for a friend. Wanna see?" Tricks reached into his largest pocket, watching the guard tense. "I'm sure you've heard. His party’s gonna be epic." The guard took the invitation.

"He's celebrating his birthday? You must be the vault hunters' friend or somethin'. Who'd even go?" they waved him off, but Tricks heard them call in. 

"Wow, no trust." he mumbled. "should have just said I'm a friend of Moxxi or somethin'. Fuck! I coulda just said I want a drink. Ugh, whatever." he took the goggles off, propping them just under the hood, following Claptrap's instructions. 

"Knock knock?" Tricks called out, turning the ally. "Anybo-"

"Tricks! You made it!!" the robot yelled excitedly. "You're actually… the only one who showed up. But I bet the others will be here soon." Tricks smiled again, nodding. 

"Who'd you invite?" 

"Well! The vault hunters, Moxxi, Marcus, Scooter. You."

"One outta that is a good start." Claptrap wheeled by him, looking down both ways. 

"Maybe they got lost?" 

"Yea maybe buddy." Tricks frowned, looking at the pizza. "Hey, I saw you didn't lie about the pizza. Mind if I have a slice before everybody shows up?"

"No, dig in. Sorry, it’s kinda cold," Tricks tore a slice of pizza, and quickly ate it. 

“Claptrap, I don’t mind. Do you know when the last time I had pizza was? ‘Cause I don’t.” he watched Claptrap buzz around. 

“Music! I forgot the music, can you turn that on?” Tricks nodded, turning the radio on. Some tune played as he finished his second slice of pizza. He watched as Claptrap danced a little. 

“Claptrap, may I have the dance with the party boy?” he asked, trying to lift the robot’s feeling. 

“Yes!” Tricks tenderly held Claptrap’s little claws, dancing to the music. He laughed, twirling Claptrap. “Happy birthday,” he said letting go of the robot’s claws. 

Claptrap grabbed the noisemaker, blowing. It took a few seconds before he turned to Tricks, “Hey uh, can you blow into this? Maybe it’ll help the whole party…” Tricks grabbed it and blew into it a few times. The yay that Claptrap made wasn’t exactly exciting. 

“I’m sure they just misplaced your invitation, or something came up.” 

“Yea, maybe. Are you enjoying it at least?”

“Of course I am. You know I’m always down to party with you buddy. I’d sneak into Sanctuary anytime if it meant partying with you.” That seemed to make him happy again as he went towards the pizza. 

“Well, it looks like I bought way too much pizza. You can take some home if you like.” Tricks nodded, looking at the boxes. 

“Hey Claptrap?”

“Yes, Tricks?”

“Thanks for inviting me. You’re way better than any job I could be doing right now. If you ever get outta Sanctuary again, you oughta come visit.” he grabbed a box of pizza, and then another. 

“Will do. Maybe one of the vault hunters could come with me.”

“Ehh, maybe not. Better yet, if you ever wanna visit I could pick you up. Just make sure you get out of Sanctuary. Don’t know how long I can sneak in for.” 

“Secretive. I like it.” Tricks nodded.

“I’ll try!”

“Cya Claptrap. It was a good party.” he waved goodbye, leaving the robot.

“Goodbye, Tricks! Come back soon!” he smiled. 

As he got home, he tacked the invitation to his wall. It was with other things that he kept. Mostly photos of old friends, and new ones. Drawings he’d done or gotten, an old piece of fabric an old mercenary friend patched him with, things like that. He put the pizzas down on his table, “ya’know I don’t think I’m gonna finish all these.” he shook his head, shoving the boxes into the fridge. That was future Tricks’ problem.

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

ok guys. its the final ending for REALS this time.

Amara’s been shot after lying for approximately half a decade, boobs AND secrets were exposed, Dhurke was momentarily a good father and everything is exhausting.

now, for the actual final chapter of this ball-gripping tale.

-

“If she did shoot Amara, she’s not gonna get away with it!! Not on my watch!!” ok apollo do remember that youre still an unarmed foreign man with an occupation that makes you an outcast and also you’re 5′5″    up against a literally queen with followers proven to kill for her

-

a 50/50 chance of survival

so an Engarde/Vera/Hostages situation then

-

“...That Ga’ran! Justice will be served.”

ok APollo’s dialogue writers have officially opened the Stock Phrases barrel.

-

ok so Rayfa... maybe knows she’s Amara’s daughter? if so i love her like 10 times more. she actually put 2 and 2 together.

-

“...How are YOU, Horn Head?”

BLESS HER

-

Datz: :( Dhurke is dead guess the revolution is over

yeah i guess there’s nobody to defend you from pulling bullshit like throwing firecrackers at kids anymore, is there, Vore Machine? Cause I doubt Behleeb would stand for that shit.  

yeesh. talk about weak ass resolve.

when Mia died Phoenix didn’t wallow in depression, he got his ass up and went to defend her sister.

-

Datz: Hey Apollo! Because I’m a lazy fuckwad, if you don’t prove Ga’ran guilty, the revolution is over and our country is doomed! Good luck!

god even when he’s actually taking things seriously he’s a shithead. like really? if the trial goes south, that’s it? no more revolution? despite how much the trial has /already/ done to rile up your supporters?? what kind of a revolutionary are you?!

-

Ready or not, here comes Justice!

god yes lets end this

-

hey where’s Sadmad

maybe he went with his mom to make sure they didn’t just kill her at the hospital.

-

ohhh. i see. they haven't announced it yet but thats actually pretty clever of her– Sadmad’s the final blockade to fall. Accuse him of the murder, carry off Amara to be ���healed’, and then uh... do nothing about the rebels because apparently they’re not even interested in a revolution anymore.

-

yeeeeeep it’s sadm–

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR NAHYUTA

-

hey Perceive you should be kicking it about now.

-

well that IS leading the witness, apollo.

-

y’know, considering Ga’ran is a monarch, she could pardon Nahyuta for his crime. I mean, he’s still useful to her.

-

“The law, Nahyuta? Or the queen?”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-

“problematic testimony”

s top... using that word... pls

-

“The holy mother does not condone killing in her name” but her sister’s name??? fuck yes murder that shit up

just say Lady Kee’ra told you to do it and you’re off the hook sadmad

-

ok... so Dhurke rescued Amara when Nahyuta was ten, (15 years ago) and he met her at that point. Apollo got shipped off to America when he was nine... And since Nahyuta is a year older than Apollo, that would make that the very same year. Ah– and confirmed by Apollo himself. Guess he just missed her.

“Sorry Apollo– I’m getting my wife back and we need your bed... See you in 15 years!”

-

“Mr. Justice. Know that Dhurke sent you away so that you would not be caught up in the life we led.” oK??? but why didn’t he send Nahyuta away too? it’s literally been stated that Nahyuta was totally outcasted, and even worse, now we find out he had to live constantly on the run. A ten year old.

Why not send Nahyuta off to America with his brother, and bring them back when everything was safe?

-

Apollo: But Dhurke said that pic was from 23 years ago!!

tbh i have no idea why theyre still trying to cover up Rayfa’s true parentage. cause i dont think the shame of her being related to a rebel really matters at this point.

-

my brain is pea soup

-

“If Rayfa comes out as the daughter of Dhurke, everyone will hate her like they hated me!”

...except we just got done basically freeing him of all wrongdoing and that was the end goal of the revolution, thus making this utterly meaningless.

...wait. this isn’t the only thing Garan was threatening to do to Rayfa, was it???

-

holy fuck. thats it. no threats of murder or assault; just “ill tell everyone that her dad’s Dhurke”

despite the fact that even IF she got kicked out of the royal family, she would still be the next queen since the queen Must be a spirit medium, and Rayfa is the only other medium in the country??

but whatever, i ... fuck it, whatever.

this is just a straight up rehash of Simon and Athena anyway, preceded by a rehash of Trials and Tribulations.

-

“You are an innocent party in this”

damn right she is

-

“I just gave up overthrowing the queen because she said she’d tell everyone your dad was a bad man”

good fucking lord, no wonder the revolution didnt get anywhere. NOBODY believed in it, even from the fucking start.

-

god the longer this goes on, the less afraid I am of Ga’ran. hell, considering the police’s skill level, i could probably just deck her in the face and then sprint out the door and id get away with it.

-

Apollo: The Edgeworht I knew–– fuck, the Simon I knew–– shit, fuck, damnit–– The NAHYUTA I knew would NEVER let himself be turned into this!!

-

“This hope in your heart is what binds me, Dhurke and you as a family”

yeah whatever

-

boy everyone really WAS depending on Dhurke. No Dhurke, can’t do shit.

thats just... depressing.

-

“I have to protect her from being outed as the child of Dhurke!!” he yells in the middle of court surrounded by witnesses who can probably figure this shit out for themselves

-

“..............Really? Nothing at all? Could an exceptional lawyer like Dhurke try that long and really uncover nothing at all? He had over two decades, Apollo.”

IM WHEEZING

I KNOW THIS ISN’T WHAT HE’S SAYING BUT IT FUCKING SOUNDS LIKE HE’S SAYIGN “uhhh i fuckin did it in SEVEN years"

-

oh my god!! oh shit!!

thank god real-life physics dont apply to fire-smoke in the AA universe or else lil baby apollo would be dead in like 2 seconds

-

OH MY GOD OH NO

APOLLO JUST STRAIGHT UP FLIPPED OUT OF HIS ARMS

I HOPE HIS SWADDLING IS REALLY PADDED

JESUS CHRIST

-

noooo god. now I'm genuinely distressed

-

why'd Rayfa bring up the lighter evidence?? thats not something to do with Jove’s last thoughts

-

“Someone attempted to assassinate Queen Amara by settling her residence ablaze”

me: who's the motherfucker in the shiny thing

-

hrhrhhghg looking at baby apollo is hurting the horrible gremlin mother inside me pls let me just find the contradiction soon

ᶫᵒᵒᵏ ᵃᵗ ʰᶦˢ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᶫᶦᵗᵗᶫᵉ ᶠᵃᶜᵉ ʷᶦᵗʰ ʰᶦˢ ᵗᶦᶰʸ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦᶰ ᶫᶦᵗᵗᶫᵉ ʰᵃᶦʳ

-

OH ITS A HAND

OHHHHHHHH

-

>ENHANCE<

-

“Peasants”

whoa go back to old timey tumblr your malevolence

-

“It shall still be I who shall decide Rayfa’s fate.”

uh pretty sure you won’t cause your guilt just got proven in front of tonnes of witnesses and the rebels can legitimately just whisk Rayfa to safety right now, right? like. you’re not queen anymore. you lost. Rayfa is already queen at this second if Amara doesn’t make it.

-

“The child lives only by my good graces”

ok at least we know murder was on the table. but also Ga’ran you’re literally dead on the spot you can’t do this anymore

-

does she uh. maybe know anything about Russian history, perhaps..? if i was her id be sneaking out the back way real fuckin quick

-

well Sadmad its a little less impressive that youve finally decided to defy her when there’s literally nothing left to defy but... meh.

-

“I believed protecting your secrets was in the best interest of his kingdom...”

WHY

WHAT

WHY??

-

“In all this time, not once did I reflect on my own conduct -- for I had believed all was fate”

did he just admit he happily acted like a fuckhead under the excuse “oh well, fate’s fate! better be an enormous shithead!!”

yeah, Sadmad?? doesn’t fucking fly.

-

the DD’s salute looks like they’re catching a kiss

-

( Now, if we could just prove Ga’ran’s guilt... )

YOU JUST DID. YOU HAD A FUCKING WITNESS

-

“For the cuffs could have been stolen and used without my knowledge”

you have actual octopus hair

you’ve visibly threatened the life of your own daughter

everything about you is evil and your shit system convicts people on a dime

id say witnessing those cuffs is enough evidence.

-

oh i just realized Sadmad and Amara do the same head-down hand-symbol pose. cute

-

“we gotta find the clothes– if we can, then–”

oh god. oh god. i dont like where this is going

-

siblings unite to piss off auntie 

-

oh god

oh god

OH GOD

CORPSE CLOTHES

SHE STRIPPED AND REDRESSED A CORPSE

I DIDN’T WANT THIS

-

“Because even Monarchs aren’t above the law.”

hell yeah

-

"Haha. If you convict me, Nahyuta will die for using fake testimony to protect me!”

a) it was under duress, i’d say thats exempt from the law

b) when you go, you’re no longer the queen. you have no power to enforce a law YOU wrote. Amara/Rayfa will abolish the law and pardon Nahyuta

you really are grasping at moron straws aren't you??

-

“I hate it too but its the law of the land. And as you said, nobody is above the law.”

you people have the brains of protozoa 

-

“She wants us to let her off scot-free? And yet, I don’t see any other choice...”

phoenix, ho-humming about how he had basically the same dilemma in JFA and he convicted engarde anyway

-

babe,,, you cant make laws anymore,,, you lost. just give up jesus christ. er, holy mother.

-

oh this is where the SEX! SEX! SEX! gif is from heheh

-

garan if you kill them you’ll have a courtroom full of witnesses and even the most brainwashed of your subjects won’t stand for a straight up massacre 

and if you dont want witnesses you’ll have to kill them all

covering that up’ll be pretty hard. along with the fact that this will only piss off the resistance more

you’re really spiralling here your malevolence 

-

oh my god we didnt need that to be voice acted 

-

HSHDGDJ

Phoenix: shut UP apollo!!! w-we’re gonna die!!!

-

“I cannot lose you to the twilight realm too!”

aren’t you heading there together? ...that is kinda sweet tho.

-

alright, enough griping– lets just treat this like a nice big finish. 

this music is weird though i gotta say

-

Apollo: time to face death and laugh!

Phoenix: heheh, yeah, heheh– [signalling to the gallery] TAKE CARE OF TRUCY FOR ME

-

“Two auspicious creatures dwell within you– a fierce dragon and a virtuous Phoenix.”

im gonna assume the japanese version of the line was “boy ya got double the dragon power up in you”

-

your playbook huh phoenix

heheh

-

oh shit

logic

i forgot about that

-

wow. i love that “the queen literally committed several murders, fraud and basically ruined out country” doesn’t mean anything, but “our queen doesn’t have magic powers” is enough to kick her out on the fucking spot 

-

as much as this ending is kinda stupid, i do appreciate the sheer amusement value of backing Garan into an impossible corner 

sjkhdhjshj

and in front of her creepy guards

ur diarrhoea garan indeed!!

-

“I want a lawyer!”

[bart voice] the ironing is delicious 

-

o man... I'm laugh 

-

the collective emotion here is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

-

hes goNNA THROW DOWN

-

oh no she’s gone try

-

“HRRRRGGH”

it usually doesn't involve shitting yourself but youre trying 

-

garan: [does the Macarena]

-

ohhhh yikes

-

“It seems... she now believes that she herself is the Holy Mother.”

oh boy. 

-

“Whyd she try to kill her sister??”

bro,,,,, it 

never mind. also, Inga was actually going to stage a coup??

-

wow this is just misty and morgan on a gargantuan scale isn't it

-

OH! THEY MIGHT EXPLAIN THIS

“why did amara even listen to garan in the first place?”

“My mother is a gentle soul who loves her sister. So when Ga’ran told her to hide because Dhurke was out to kill her, she believed it.”

...

“What’s more, she did not wish to tarnish the name of her beloved sister...”

.......

“That is why she acquiesced so obediently to Ga’rans request to keep channeling for her.”

.............

“Until she fled with Dhurke and was told the truth, that is.”

wh–– 

“But since Rayfa was being held captive... I imagine Amara had no choice but to help cover up the truth behind Inga’s murder.”

THAT DOESN’T ACCOUNT FOR THE TIME BEFORE AND DURING HER PREGNANCY. WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE DOING THEN!?

AMARA.

-

“Well, that was a trial for the ages.” You said it, K-judge.

-

“Dhurke... I hope you’re watching...” well you retconned people being conscious in the spirit world so no, he isn’t. 

-

“Nah, it was all you.”

baw, nick.

-

here we go. here’s the phoenix/apollo interaction we’ve always wanted. its just a shame it has to be in this game...

maya: :D PRAISE ME TOO

-

phoenix: trucy!? how'd you get here?

trucy: its maaaagic :D

edgeworth: i was nearly arrested at the airport for suspected human trafficking.

-

D: RAYFA NO SAD

tbh rayfa is the best character here. 

I'm literally actually smiling with genuine joy as she steps up to the queenly plate. may the Holy Mom bless and keep her.

-

“Big B...B...”

BABY

“Buh..?”

“B-B-B... Br...”

SHES TRYING SO HARD

YOU CAN DO IT BABE

(cries)

-

“straight through without doing any serious damage”

wow lucky shot

i wonder if this was the same guy who “sniped” the phantom 

-

you know... on one hand, I'm glad Apollo’s come into his own. But I also hate that he’s leaving the series this way.

It’s not the fact that Apollo is getting his own office, even in a different country– that’s not half bad. But the way they’ve left everything unfinished, and the way they’ve tossed his character around like a hacky-sack... I just can’t accept this as a “happy” ending for the character.

-

wait why is the revolution still being spoken about– isn’t it over, technically..? i mean, they won... the rebuilding part isn’t really a revolution, is it? 

-

well anyway. I’m happy for Apollo, but not for Apollo Justice. you know what I mean? 

-

“I... I’m sorry guys... Capcom just can’t be bothered with me anymore. I’ll remember you fondly...”

-

Klavier, from the Capcom storehouse: he WHAT

-

“But someday... I’ll return to the US!”

[squints]

-

heh... goodbye, Man Cub. you’re off to the human village. and as for us, it’s back to the jungle.

-

“We must never stagnate, but continue to grow and change.”

HA

-

phoenix: uh huh!!

god the voice acting... its so bad...

-

Dhurke: hello son... I'm a butterfly now!

-

oh no you dont– dont you dare play us out on a jazzy version of apollos theme >:T

-

HEY I JUST REMEMBERED

NOBODY CHANNELED GOD.

I WANTED TO SEE GOD DAMN IT

-

OH

baby Faith. 

Datz: Faith! Grow up to be a horrible guy like me!

Faith: [tiny baby middle finger extends]

good child. he takes after his mum

-

haha eat shit dickquill

..also who are you calling “old chum”

-

aww pearly you can wear as many city girl outfits as you want ;w;

.......just no slim white dresses

-

Sadmad: I know I’m a total fuckwad in court but does she have to call me a silly name :’(

sadmad... youre getting off so, so easy

-

oh hey. this game didn’t end with an OBJECTION!

-

“Don’t you think it’s about time we told them the truth?”

ohhh you mother fuckers. you absolute asswipes. 

-

huh... an after scene??

“Case backlog” jesus

...ohhh here’s the huh huh huh OBJECTION

-

“From legal advice to investigating extramarital affaires– even yak milking!”

uhh

DJF ITS FREE

HAHA

-

heh. i like it when you can use the mic for that.

-

well, it looks like that’s the end. i made it through SOJ. I gotta say, I don’t feel anywhere near as soul crushingly miserable as i thought I would. I’ve got a lot to think about for my final thoughts... guess i’ll get to that tomorrow morning.

anyway– it’s been a pleasure writing all this shit and going through this whole thing with you guys– err, whoever reads these, haha.

I may come off like a dick, but honestly it comes from a place of deep, deep love for a series that's helped me in so many ways. Here’s hoping AA7 will bring us a new, crazy adventure. 

so, i’ll seeya next time. possibly with a much more lighthearted play by play of PL VS AA :)

[deep inhale]

[gulescamisade]

Virginia:  Day 3

TAKODA: -they're all fueled up again and he's back to driving, but he's found another place for them to stop while he tries to figure out the best route to minnesota. he's noticed that a lot of major highways are blocked off by the military, so... it's probably best to avoid those. even if the condesce wants to toy with them as she is, there's no way of predicting anyone else's behavior.-

DEREK: -meanwhile, he's hovering around his brother. takes a seat next to him wherever he's at.- Hey.

DAVENFORTH: -He's been sitting here, thinking too much. Help him. At least his brother is here.- Sup

DEREK: ... I dunno about you but Ive been thinkin a lot about the news.

DAVENFORTH: Nah i havent thought about it even once in fact id forgotten about it entirely

DEREK: Yeah ok. 

DEREK: So whats your plan? I know youve got one.

PENNY: -slides closer from like two seats away- what news?

DAVENFORTH: What do you mean are you really asking me if im a bad enough dude to assassinate the presidents

DAVENFORTH: Because thats not even on the table look at every card and lo and behold it aint there conveniently missing like the last piece of the puzzle

DEREK: ... 

DEREK: -looks at penny- Dual juggalo presidents.

PENNY: ... -snrk- 

PENNY: yall just found out that happened?

DAVENFORTH: Yeah

DEREK: Cant say Ive had much opportunity to keep on top of all the bullshit goin down here.

PENNY: hoo boy well. 

PENNY: welcome to the new United States of Whatever.

RILEY: -she was dead asleep, and suddenly, she wakes up. sleeping on a party bus is great. she stretches a little before noticing that penny is talking to Derek and davenforth, but it's hard to know if it's a step forward or backward. which is why she's conveniently pretending to not pay attention but in reality is intensely eavesdropping-

DAVENFORTH: This is my united states of whatever

PENNY: -she still hasn't quite figured out that Derek is her Boy. she's been avoiding looking at Riley a little too much.- 

PENNY: and then up comes Zafo and Im like yo Zafo whats up hes like nothin and Im like thats cool.

PENNY: ok but really.

PENNY: the whole things a joke and everybody knows it.

PENNY: but not even a good one.

DAVENFORTH: Pretty dangerous joke

DAVENFORTH: Your new buddy back there finds their very existence offensive

PENNY: yeah well Im more scared of what were doing right now than the clowns sitting in the White House.

PENNY: literal clowns.

DAVENFORTH: Those clowns are a lot more dangerous than you think

RILEY: -why does jodie love the clowns so much-

PENNY: Im a lot more dangerous than they think.

PENNY: theyre just human anyway.

DAVENFORTH: Ill let you fight em then

DEREK: Yeah but. Humans appointed by the queen bee bitch herself no doubt. DEREK: Clearly theyre influencin the populous into a compliant lifestyle under her rule.

DAVENFORTH: Anyway i think we should make a pit stop on the way to minnesota

DAVENFORTH: Let condy were coming

PENNY: oh sure. PENNY: Id love to punch a juggalo in the dick.

DAVENFORTH: Well

DAVENFORTH: Thats good to hear

TAKODA: -glances back at them- UM... NOT TO EAVESDROP, BUT 1 TH1NK WE M1GHT HAVE TO PASS THROUGH D.C. ANYWAY... MOST OF THE H1GHWAYS ARE BLOCKED... ER. THERE ARE TOLLS, BUT, 1'VE BEEN AFRA1D TO... SEE WHAT 1T 1S THEY'RE CHARG1NG... TAKODA: BUT WE ARE CLOSE TO THE CAP1TAL... 1 GUESS WE M1GHT AS WELL... STOP THERE... -doesn't seem keen on the idea though-

HIGHBLOOD: to eavesdrop, weren't like it wasn't gonna already get up and goin on, bein in the middle of that route makes shit easier =Dueces from the back=

PENNY: WOOOOOO!!!!

DAVENFORTH: Kill the figureheads and send the heart a message

DAVENFORTH: She can be touched

PENNY: fuck troll booths GO JOHN WILKES BOOTH.

RILEY: -done with eavesdropping apparently- are we assassins now?

MAYOR: -produces a burger King crown and stomps on it on the floor. NO MASTERS. NO KINGS.-

DEREK: Lil dude knows whats up.

PENNY: YEEAAHHH BOIII.

DEREK: -to be fair riley some of us here have always been assassins.-

DAVENFORTH: -Sweats-

RILEY: -WELL I HAVENT-

QIRIN: =she has almost been assassinated several dozen times. does that count as experience?=

RILEY: -aside from assassinating the abstract concepts of family-

PENNY: -YOU DID SUCCEED AT THAT-

QIRIN: =ladies=

PENNY: so whats the plan? how are we doing it?

RILEY: anarchy.

HIGHBLOOD: you'll find the how's always changin sis HIGHBLOOD: best to do it, get it done cause ain't no event can be planned down

DAVENFORTH: Especially not with clowns in the mix

DAVENFORTH: Trust me we got this

PENNY: so were driving the party bus into the White House. got it.

TAKODA: (UHH...)

HIGHBLOOD: hell yeah

DAVENFORTH: Not quite but close

TAKODA: (OH... THAT'S A REL1EF... PROBABLY?)

RILEY: but still with a bang.

TAKODA: ST1LL... 1T WOULD PROBABLY BE ADV1SABLE, 1F WE HAD SOME K1ND OF PLAN, BEFORE WE ROLLED 1NTO THE CAP1TAL... -fidgets nervously-

RILEY: no plan. everyone for themselves. if our plans contradict each other's and we all die, oh well.

HIGHBLOOD: amen sis, everybody's gotta go sometime

RILEY: -oh my god he's being serious-

HIGHBLOOD: :o)

TAKODA: ...

RILEY: that is not actually what i think we should do.

RILEY: just putting that out there.

HIGHBLOOD: =Is he? Who knows= here i was under some mass assumption that the ones all up without alla that gumption and fight experience was gonna leap they asses into the fray wills n nills flung about

DEREK: -snickers. oops.-

RILEY: -unimpressed face at derek-

DEREK: -love u...-

RILEY: -UH HUH-

DEREK: -just winks-

RILEY: -acts like she's pushing her hair out of her face but she is only using her middle finger-

DAVENFORTH: I could probably get in easy enough by myself

DAVENFORTH: Doubt the security is much of anything

HIGHBLOOD: =sNRK, they really aren't much of anything he's sure=

RILEY: don't play the hero. -THIS AINT OVERWATCH AND YOU ARE NOT A BAD GENJI-

DAVENFORTH: Hardly playing hero

RILEY: then who's gonna be your backup?

DEREK: That would be me.

RILEY: then who's going to be YOUR back up?

DAVENFORTH: We got each others backs thats three sixty coverage

DAVENFORTH: We could take molly hes rowdy enough -That's you ghb-

HIGHBLOOD: i was already headed there but i could leave a trail for y'all :oP =eats nachos at=

PENNY: alright well I call dibs on the getaway bus.

RILEY: can we make sure my kid has a dad and an uncle and a...big clown guy by the time we leave D.C.? no stupid reckless shit.

DEREK: Baby please when have I ever been reckless?

PENNY: -side eyes-.........

PENNY: kid?

HIGHBLOOD: =eats these nachos and watches this=

RILEY: all the fucking time. -glances at penny- yeah. kid.

DEREK: --

DAVENFORTH: Pretty sure lif would kill me if i died

PENNY: -she's real quiet now, staring at the floor of the bus.-

RILEY: hilarious. -she notices penny's demeanor change and isn't quite sure why, but figuring out her sister now isn't as easy it was when sadness went away with hugs and singing made her happy-

PENNY: -She's working her jaw and tapping her foot as the seconds and the minutes go by, and then before long she hops up and rushes to the little bus bathroom, clanging the door shut behind her.-

DEREK: -watches her storm off- ... -looks back at riley-

RILEY: -also watches- well, shit.

DAVENFORTH: Damn

ROXANNE: -With the sound of the bus bathroom door shutting she starts to wake up from her nap in the back of the bus. Why people gotta be noisy.-

LIFERA: -probably snuggled up to Roxanne too. It's a cuddle nap party in the back of the bus.-

ROXANNE: -Sits up some more only to have the donuts GHB apparently stacked on her head while she was out topple onto her lap.- ........... -blinks at them.-

ROXANNE: -Also heck, fish queen is adorable, shes taking care not to wake her as she sits up and quietly stretches.-

HIGHBLOOD: =In which case Lifera has donuts on her horns=

ROXANNE: -That... is amusing.- ROXANNE: -Okay time to stretch her legs, she carefully gets up from the back of the bus snuggle pile and moves herself forward towards the rest of the awake people.- ROXANNE: -Sits and dusts donut crumbs off herself.- So. Miss anything interestin'?

DEREK: Only that were gonna storm the white house and assassinate the presidents.

ROXANNE: ....Are we bein' serious or not in saying that?

RILEY: -her mind's a little elsewhere and she keeps having to focus on not looking at the bathroom door.-

ROXANNE: -Maybe Riley needs a nap. Naps are pretty relaxing. Just look how calm Roxanne is right now.-

RILEY: -NOBODY ASKED YOU ROXANNE!!!!!!-

DEREK: I cant believe yall are accusing me left and right of taking such serious subjects lightly. Unbelievable.

ROXANNE: Thats not technically an answer.

ROXANNE: Just want to be clear on whatever plan people are makin' up when im snoozing.

RILEY: baseless accusations. -she's gonna move next to Derek because too many feelings about family right now.-

ROXANNE: -Props her feet up on the empty seat next to her.-

DEREK: -wraps an arm around riley. relax, babe.- For real though thats the plan. DEREK: Were right on the Capitals doorstep. In the middle of a war. The Condesce thinks she can do whatever the fuck she wants with any idiot working under her. DEREK: Might as well send her a message.

RILEY: -leans against him.- they wanna fuck shit up.

ROXANNE: -Mmmmm, she certainly feels conflict over this idea. On one hand, earth is her home and damn right shes all for getting rid of this clown presidency bullshit. However, her biggest priority is to find and get back to her loved ones asap...- 

ROXANNE: I get the sentiment.

ROXANNE: You make it sure sound easy though.

DAVENFORTH: Its just juggalos how hard could it be

ROXANNE:

President

juggalos. Even Trump had protection.

DEREK: Yeah but Derek and Davenforth Strider werent alive back then. -this cocky motherfucker-

ROXANNE: -He is the most cocky.- ROXANNE: Mmmhm.

DEREK: -more winking-

ROXANNE: -Manboy please.-

JODIE: -burps-

ROXANNE: -Side eyes Jodie at the burp.-

JODIE: scuzie.

HIGHBLOOD: blame it on the bubbly sis =he's probably shared faygo with her=

JODIE: i thought y'all would be more anxious to reunite with yer kid.

ROXANNE: I sure am.

ROXANNE: No offense to porrim but my skin has been crawlin' knowin russet is on the ship without at least one of us.

QIRIN: =has she been pacing? yup=

JODIE: sorry...kids.

DAVENFORTH: -Sighs-

RILEY: we are all very far apart i think so... i'm not sure this detour will take away much time at all.

JODIE: yeah. 'caus eoverthrowin the government is really just a pit stop.

ROXANNE: It's goin' to take more time them going straight there.

ROXANNE: Also there is the whole. 

ROXANNE: I dunno' chance of dying?

DAVENFORTH: Jinjin is in good hands besides what were doin is gonna help make a better place for them to grow up

JODIE: do you really think everythin is gonna work out exactly as you plan it to. -just staring flatly-

DEREK: Yep.

ROXANNE: -She's with you Jodie.-

JODIE: i mean you're the ninja's not me.

RILEY: ain't dave in alaska? and dirk is in the black hole of texas.

JODIE: 'sides it hought you all were apart of a crew but i don't see you askin permission.

DAVENFORTH: Im real bad at doing that

ROXANNE: Wow the confidence is unreal. -She's a little salty that Derek isn't more anxious to get back to his kids.-

DAVENFORTH: Ask my nephew

JODIE: sounds like arrogant, poorly planned bs.

JODIE: this is just a testosterone-fest.

JODIE: -snorts-

DAVENFORTH: No this is about sending a fucking message

JODIE: don't try to make it seem all noble. at lesat be honest. haha.

DEREK: -naturally he's anxious to see them, but he's with his brother here...-

RILEY: -watches jodie-

ROXANNE: -Stand up to your brother-

DEREK: -why would he stand up to him when he agrees with him??-

HIGHBLOOD: =Plays tense, appropriate music for the bickering humans. Tramatic muffled trumpet softly in the bg=

DAVENFORTH: This is about telling her that were not standing for this bullshit she knows were coming but shes gonna know were coming with a goddamn vengeance im not gonna let my daughter grow up in the grips of a galaxy that despises her fuckin existence and im damn sure not gonna let her live with the same bullshit ive gone through

JODIE: -sad trombone would be more fitting in her opinion-

DAVENFORTH: If youve got a problem youre welcome to walk

JODIE: i'm just sayin, you can't go around claiming this is the best plan for everyone. it's just the best plan for yer ego.

JODIE: i ain't going anywhere.

JODIE: i don't have any special powers. and i ain't got no leg to stand on when it comes to decision making. i'm barely a crew member.

ROXANNE: Im siding with Jodie on this. ROXANNE: Im really all for taking the ax to this new government, but we've got other issues to deal with first.

ROXANNE: We can meet up with everyone else and regroup an attack later.

DAVENFORTH: You can go too i dont give a shit

ROXANNE: Right now we are spread thin, with no back up, no intell. And like hell you two are doin' it on your own.

JODIE: -just snort laughs.-

JODIE: well, there wasn't no harm in trying. -JUST CHINHANDING.-

DAVENFORTH: Im not askin for backup and im not asking you to be alright with it ill go it alone if i goddamn have to but im not just gonna let this woman have her way with earth like she has every other planet

DAVENFORTH: Shes fucking playing us

DAVENFORTH: Weve lost too much we hold dear

DAVENFORTH: Its her fucking turn

ROXANNE: -Stares straight at Derek like "Can you believe this??"-

JODIE: -shrugalugs at riley and then just sprawls over the bus seat again.-

DEREK: -sorry ro...- We gotta pass through DC regardless so. 

DEREK: Maybe yall dont wanna go with us but aint nothin gonna stop me and him from trying.

QIRIN: | )

ROXANNE: -STARES HARDER.-

DAVENFORTH: Just drop us off fuck it

ROXANNE: Derek. You got one infant girl on a ship hundreds of miles away. ROXANNE: And another unborn baby sittin' right next to you.

ROXANNE: ...Are you actually bein' serious right now???

ROXANNE: You can be as confident as you want but you know going through with that plan means you might Die right?

DAVENFORTH: Third times the charm -Scoffs-

JODIE: if you can't convince em not to do it, you should try to minimize the damage.

QIRIN: >_> =what did u say=

DAVENFORTH: -YOU HEARD HIM-

RILEY: -she doesn't know exactly what to say here. she considers herself stuck either way. There's no winner here. Some of the most stubborn people she knows are in this bus. she sighs, rubbing her own neck-

DEREK: -stfu dave u ain't dying.-

JODIE: -looking at Roxanne- you're a smart lady arentcha. they'd have a better chance of survivin if you helped.

QIRIN: Is the term not "three strikes, you are out"?

ROXANNE: -Side eyes Jodie even more.- Of course im helpin' if he goes through with this stupid plan.

JODIE: cool beans.

DEREK: -scoffs a little. incredible...- 

DEREK: Well yeah Im goin through with it.

ROXANNE: Maybe hopefully he'll realize how crazy this is if both of Russet's parents are at risk--

ROXANNE: -YOU ARE REALLY TESTING HER DEREK.-

RILEY: -while they're talking, she moves Derek's arm off of her and walks off where she sits in the back-

ROXANNE: -Her eyes follow Riley, shes pretty miffed she didn't say anything in this argument.-

JODIE: -she's also judging riley for this tbh-

JODIE: -but she's already accepted her fate. she's doing all she can to help, at least for jamie's sake.-

DAVENFORTH: -He's quiet. Thinking about his two daughters. How condy's reign would mean their literal deaths.-

QIRIN: =She's thinking utter subjugation and ruin of her people=

QIRIN: =though both are not pretty thoughts=

RILEY: -she thinking about history repeating itself and how truly fucked they'll all be this time-

DAVENFORTH: -But he's also thinking about Beforus, Europa, the people here on Earth. How much would it mean to end the figureheads of their subjugation. Would it spur them on to fight? Would Condy's grasp on Earth slip even a little bit?-

JODIE: -She's thinking about how aginst this James would be.-

JODIE: -Sorry charlie!-

JODIE: -If somebody stronger was here in her eplace.-

RILEY: -she wasn't thinking about the consequences much before. but where the hell is she going to have to wait around while all this happens?-

DAVENFORTH: I think everyone who doesnt want in should continue to minnesota

RILEY: -from the back, a little irritated- and wait?

JODIE: no. i'm gonna help. -SPITEFUL-

JODIE: -maybe you get to do this, but she's not going to let you HAVE this-

DAVENFORTH: Thats your choice

DAVENFORTH: You just gonna wait in dc riley

JODIE: -She's liking Davenforth less and less all the time. Stupid jerk.-

RILEY: i don't fucking know. i sure as hell ain't going out of state away from you three while you try to pull this off.

DAVENFORTH: -It's fine he's used to it-

RILEY: i don't want to leave anybody behind.

DAVENFORTH: I respect that

DAVENFORTH: I dont want yall in danger for somethin you didnt sign up for i aint forcin that on anyone but im doin this

ROXANNE: Do you honestly think you would be doing it alone. Not everyone on this bus is okay with letting some of us go on a possible suicide mission.

DAVENFORTH: You should know me by now ro

JODIE: -Snorts.- so charitable.

RILEY: look, if i didn't have a tiny person inside of me, then i'd jump in and help.

ROXANNE: Guess I thought I did. -She shrugs.- 

ROXANNE: Im doin' it with you two, but im not happy 'bout it. Actually Im pretty pissed. 

ROXANNE: We do live through this I'm kicking your asses myself after we get back to the ship.

QIRIN: =clears her throat after a very long time of being quiet= I would like to hear more of this plan of yours if you or...we are to go through with this.

DAVENFORTH: Everyones kicking my ass after this one probably

TAKODA: -all these bad vibes... he's just going to go back to driving since they uh... have a plan now, he guesses. he's mostly uneasy because he knows, as a part of the resistance, they should take an opportunity as it's presented to them...-

RILEY: -rubbing her forehead-

DEREK: -his guilt isn't obvious, but it's definitely there. he doesn't want to endanger anybody here, and it ain't as if he wants to orphan any of his kids, but... sometimes you gotta follow your gut. he's just keeping quiet for now.-

RILEY: -she puts her hood of the jacket she's wearing up and turns so that she's watching everything pass by, damn hormones and emotions making her eyes all watery-

JODIE: -drinks-

RILEY: -IF ONLY SHE COULD-