#anyway. i forgot to eat breakfast lmao

[kooki914]

This is going to be a long reply, because I fundamentally disagree with the... IDEA behind this line of thinking.

For one, Noelle's crush on Susie isn't "unhealthy escapism", it's the healthiest kind of escapism we've seen from Noelle. Her alternatives are actual fiction (scary movies, video games) and nostalgia for a time in her life she'll never get back (Dess, Kris, Asriel). Her crush on Susie is important and healthy specifically because it's Someone New, it's not something she decided to do because it's convenient and lets her hide, she needs to PUT herself OUT THERE in order to engage with Susie, to really persue her. We see as much in the beginning of chapter 2, Noelle is going out of her way, against Berdly's wishes, to invite Susie to study with her. She wouldn't do that with anyone else. If Susie wasn't here, Noelle would've stayed in the same patterns and cycles she always has, and that's the point - Noelle's adoration for Susie is so genuine it literally forces ber to break out of her shell.

The notion that this is somehow unhealthy baffles me. The entire point of Noelle confronting Queen at the end of ch2 is to show how GOOD Susie's influence on Noelle is, that being a rebellious child is good and healthy actually, and you SHOULD follow your heart and stand up for yourself. Again, Noelle wouldn't have done ANY of that if it wasn't for Susie. She's that special someone that makes Noelle act like an idiot, and that's a GOOD thing because, I cannot stress this enough, kids are SUPPOSED to be idiots. A perfect child is not a happy child, and Rudy tells us as much about his daughter when he laments that she "seems" like she has it all, but that her mother is really hard on her. It once again shows us that Noelle NEEDS an infulence like Susie's to break out of the mould she's been forced into.

And, on Susie's side of things, Noelle's feelings were the one reason she hasn't completely given up on people before ch1. Noelle smiled at her, she was patient with Susie, and during a time when Susie felt so alone that she thought no-one would care if she vanished, that meant a lot to her. Susie never bullied Noelle because that one act of kindness (that isn't even romantic in the beginning, might I add) inspired Susie to hold onto some kindness of her own. With Noelle, she didn't have to be a bully, she could just be Susie.

This is further explored in their ferris wheel ride, which I'd argue is more about Susie than it is about Noelle. Sure, we learn some anecdotes about Noelle, but it's framed from Susie's perspective, and we see how Noelle's distinction between "good" scary and "bad" scary impacts Susie. This is the scene where she's very clearly trying to protect Noelle from herself, basically, not letting her jump out of the window hoping she'll fly (a metaphor for how Susie's presence stopped Noelle from being reckless in self-destructive ways), and AFTER this scene Susie's shown to be thinking about Noelle, a lot. She thinks about what Noelle would do if she were with them (the Ralsei dummy in Castletown), she seems receptive to talking to her dad even if she was practically dragged there - things she wouldn't put up with with anyone else, I think.

You could make the arguement that, even after all of this, it's somehow "better" if they stay just friends in canon, but I have to disagree. Not only is Noelle's crush on Susie (as I already said) one of the healthiest relationships Noelle has with ANYONE in the game, but Susie being accepted by the community is kind of a major side-plot. The parents start calling her "a nice girl" (surface level reading that shows they're trying to accept Susie but still don't really understand her), Kris is starting to be seen around town with her and people remark on that, Susie is part of this community and should be treated as such but still isn't. Narratively, what better way is there to show she's been osmosed into the town's culture completely, than for her to start dating the mayor's daughter? It's like a fairytale beat of a princess from another kingdom marrying the prince and becoming an icon for the place, and I think it's a trope that would fit Suselle really well knowing how many other fairytale romance tropes they fill (beauty and the beast, princess in a tower, general royalty and dragon symbology).

In the end, we don't have the full game, so nothing's technically for certain, but I don't speak subjectively when I say that Suselle, as it is, is a subversive and queer love story about teenagers and their roads to betterment through one another. Noelle needs to be more rebellious, Susie needs to be part of something, they complete one another and have, so far, had so many "hints" about them being endgame that it's not even subtle. I know you said you don't like "it's basically canon" arguements, but I have to call a spade a spade. To suggest that this entire narrative of sapphic love and adoration should be abandoned for the sake of subverting less clear tropes in Deltarune just seems like kind of a waste to me. Noelle's love for Susie is the kind of doe-eyed teenage obsession all kids go through, and I don't see how it's "unhealthy" unless you're a puratan who thinks teenagers shouldn't have crushes because they're too hormonal. Susie's treatment of Noelle was the first sign that Susie wasn't just a textbook bully, and the fact that Susie held onto those kindnesses shows they meant a lot to her, that NOELLE means a lot to her. The most logical conclusion for them is to wind up together, because that's subversive by itself.

TL;DR:

Noelle's crush isn't unhealthy, Susie genuinely cares about Noelle, and as two girls in high school there is no reason the setup we've been given with them is in any way a strange or questionable setup for a romantic relationship.

I know I don't use tumblr much anymore, but I'm putting this to people who like Suselle just because of my interest.

Why should Noelle and Susie end up together? I'm not saying anything about their relationship, I'm not saying people can't draw their fun ship art because it's nice.

Why, in the game, should they end up together? And for the record, I don't believe Suselle is for sure canon. I believe that it will end up subverted because Noelle's crush is an unhealthy escapist fantasy for Noelle, so it being "canon" isn't something I find compelling as an argument.

I'm genuinely interested, so please tell me your thoughts.

[screamingay]

basque cheesecake where have u been all my life..... even slightly overbaked u are gorgeous and delicious and i love u

[elegyofthemoon]

coworker: oh cool new student!! what year are you?

me: third :D

coworker: ...what are you doing here?

me: :D im questioning that too

[fandomkingsblog]

random ass poll because I say so

[mqrrstarr]

Modern AU Caracalla and Geta!

Brother Shenanigans! Part One

(Barnes and Noble, Target, Olive Garden)

Warnings: not edited properly uhh idk I don’t have siblings so idk if this is accurate 😞🙏

A/N: officially a tumblr writer I suppose, and it’ll just keep being gladiator for a while. anyways, I saw a post of a photo of Caracalla in a restaurant and I forgot what it said but it sparked an idea in me. (btw, go join the roman history/gladiator community!!) anyways this will be a series, and comment stores/locations you’d want me to write about!!

Summary: Caracalla and Geta go shopping together and stuff happens.

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Caracalla always drags Geta out of the house, wanting to take his brother on random and spontaneous shopping trips.

Caracalla adores going to Barnes and Noble, spending time in both the history and fiction area. He’d spend time looking for interesting titles and skimming through pages of books, easily spending three hours on one. (Also occasionally going to the kids area, reliving his favorite childhood tales and keeping up with new children’s literature.)

Caracalla would also spend time in the cookbook area, as he yearns to learn how to cook. (Geta does all the cooking, and Caracalla can only make things like toast and simple breakfast. For the sake of Dondas of course.)

Geta in this situation would spend time at the Starbucks in B&N and would probably have a magazine. (Assuming they’re emperors/royalty, most likely a magazine of himself.) He’d get his usual drink, some sort of caffeine filled delicacy to keep his nerves alert.

Caracalla would get ready to leave and checkout and find Geta still drinking his fifth drink and tenth brownie. He’d get up and see Caracalla smiling and be content his brother was happy.

Soon after, in the car (chariot) Caracalla would read his books and Geta would drive to the next location. (they have money so they’re target people lmao)

Pulling up to the Target, I feel like Geta would be the one most interested here. He’d walk around with a cart, acting like he owns the place but truly just looking for clothes and home decor. He loves vases for flowers and for a historical vibe.

(Gotta keep the “palace” nice.)

Caracalla wouldn’t be far behind his brother though, and he’d be complaining to Geta saying something like;

“Getaaaa. Enough with the sweaters, you have enough at home. I’m boredddd. Ughhhhh. I forgot to feed Dondas I think. Anyways, Geta keep moving or I’m going to steal your video games.”

This motivates Geta (he’s a gamer most likely bc of Caracalla) and he keeps going. A long time later, they stop to eat dinner at Olive Garden.

(Italy reference help I’m so sorry if you’re Italian and this is offensive I love you all)

The brothers sit down to eat and take time to order food. When they receive their drinks, Geta with a soda and Caracalla with a semi alcoholic drink (erasing the pain) they order.

Geta gets pasta with shrimps with a Cesar salad on the side.

Caracalla orders some chicken parmesan, some spaghetti, a chili soup, with a tiramisu as desert.

They eat and go home to their lovely mansion, decorated with a pool in the back. Dondas runs to Caracalla and his books. While they hug, Geta brings in the sweater he bought and the five different vases he got too. They watch a movie on Netflix, one titled Pompeii.

(Actually a movie btw it’s okay)

The day’s action has exhausted Caracalla, and he falls asleep a few minutes in. Geta simply smiles and continues his work from the morning. This routine keeps them happy, and keeps them bonded. He’s happy to have someone to trust. He’s grateful he has a brother.

the end <33

[jacenbren]

2 tag memes

Got tagged in these by @dragonofeternal and I’m more than happy to play along!!

Current things tag meme

3 ships: Inumaki Toge/Okkotsu Yuuta; Legato Bluesummers/Millions Knives; Kai Smith/Zane Julien

Last song: Your Best American Girl by Mitski

Currently reading: the Jujutsu Kaisen manga. against my own better judgement.

Currently watching: working my way through rewatching Supernatural and Death Note. the former is a lot lamer than I remember and the latter is a lot goofier than I remember.

Last movie: Annihilation!! I love that movie and rewatch it from time to time, however I made the mistake of watching it while on a redeye to San Franciso and dozed off halfway through. had a nightmare of That Goddamn Bear chasing me. bad plan.

Currently consuming: fuck I forgot to eat breakfast today. I will make up for it by eating an entire box of cherry tomatoes.

Currently craving: I would kill for some donuts right about now lol

15 people 15 questions tag me

Are you named after anyone? Yes actually! My legal name is based on the name of a band my dad likes, and I stole my chosen name off of a character from the Star Wars EU.

When was the last time you cried? While I was traveling a week ago; I got really overstimulated and exhausted while off my ass on Nyquil and had a meltdown :(

Do you have kids? Nope I am nineteen and not at all mentally healthy enough to be emotionally there for a child. am currently hoping to remove the baby making bits asap.

What sports do you play/have you played? I ran cross-country for about seven years (all the way through both middle school and high school) and got my varsity letter my senior year! I also did track & field for a few years (my events were long jump and 100-meters) and to this day I still go on jogs during the summer.

Do you use sarcasm? I am very autistic so my ability to discern tone is. not great. apparently I use sarcasm a lot without meaning to lmao

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Probably their voice tbh

What’s your eye color? Blue. like apparently scarily blue. fucking satoru gojo dayglow freaky ass cerulean orbs.

Scary movies or happy endings? It wildly depends on the genre and my attachment to the characters. I'm much more of a psychological horror guy rather than an enjoyer of slasher films, so I definitely tend to prefer horror literature than movies. as for happy endings?? I definitely enjoy them when I'm looking for escapism, but unhappy/bittersweet endings definitely still have special a place in my heart.

Any talents? I'm really good at driving and I have perfect pitch!

Where were you born? Anchorage Alaska, born and raised :)

What are your hobbies? I'm a big writer, and I occasionally dabble in drawing. I'm really into Stardew Valley at the moment and I've racked up over 200 hours at this point in just one save file. I am falling hopelessly for Sebastian but I feel too guilty to divorce my current husband Elliot. help.

Do you have any pets? Yep, a cat named Ekko and a dog named George. No the dog isn't named after GeorgeNotFound. My dad named him after George Costanza from Seinfeld.

How tall are you? 5'6"

Favorite subject in school? I was always really into history and would meticulously take notes to the point where I could've probably taught the class myself. however autistic gifted kid burnout hit halfway through high school and I barely graduated after sleeping through most of my classes lmao.

Dream job? Any job where I can put some music on and just Do Tasks all day. I worked tourism over the summer (hated that job and I never want to go back) and spent half of it hiding in the back room putting stickers on merchandise. I Love Boring Menial Tasks.

anyway tagging @mellointheory @hecksee @apollos-boyfriend @setsuntamew @acewendino @wigglesforsquiggles @siryyeet @routeriver @versaphile @avitus-ostrander !! feel free to join in if you like; no pressure :D

[azumasoroshi]

watched the first two episodes of oshi no ko a while back (REALLY FUCKING GOOD, ive been a manga reader for a while but i stopped reading the recent chapters and basically forgot everything except for the major points and god it’s so satisfying to have the adaptation remind me of what i’ve forgotten in the most beautiful way possible)

but this post isnt about onk, it’s about izaya!! izaya orihara!! lets fucking goooooooooo izaya idol au!!!! i cant get this flea out of my BRAIN

i was about to open a new canvas to draw some more shizaya stuff for my animatic that im never gonna finish and i was like huh. maybe i should draw onk fanart. and then i remembered this art of venti genshin impact with ai’s eyes and i remembered thinking man i hope this becomes an artist trend for people to do with their art blorbos! and then i was like OH. guess i could contribute to the trend by drawing izaya with ai’s eyes

and then i started thinking and i was like huh. Ai’s never experienced love from her parents, doesn’t think she knows how to love or how to express it, doesn’t get attached to others easily, is a perpetual liar, became an idol because she hoped she would learn how to love - oh hey doesnt. that. sound like izaya. just a little bit. not exactly, her character goes into more learning how to love/that she can love while izaya’s character is i can love but only impersonally because i’m afraid of getting hurt and his arc would be learning to let his walls down for his own good

SO for izaya idol au, izaya would become an idol because he wants to experience love, or something along the lines of “there’s no greater demonstration of parasocial love and foolish decision making than in the idol industry! ahaha~” and probably “idols are perfect liars and i need to put myself into their shoes so i can become an even better liar and close myself off to any possibility of falling in love that could ever exist”

there’s a lot of reasons he might want to become an idol, really. there’s so much corruption and behind-the-scenes dealing and lies and facades and shit in the entertainment industry that i think izaya would eat for breakfast. he would LOVE witnessing that shit and making his own shady deals and stuff and occasionally ruining lives and watching people rise and fall down the rankings and tear each other down. plus the people who are in it for passion rather than money are fascinating as well. psychology student’s dream really- i mean what this is definitely about izaya and not me projecting

plus he definitely has the looks for it (narita would hard agree given how many times he’s indirectly called izaya attractive through other characters. we love a canonically hot king)

now i need to make everything shizaya because i’m not okay but i have no idea who shizuo would be lmao

like you could make him some up and coming manager (no age difference stuff here sorry lmao) or a fellow idol (doubtful. shizuo can act cute but i dont think he could dance) or an actor like akane/kana or a streamer??? like memcho (my favorite character)

a mangaka/screenplay writer/writer in general could also work but i feel like you’d have less reason to interact with idols that way

idk how japanese idol groups work for men in particular or if there’s even like a market for that :sob: id have to look into that if i actually started making stuff for this au

alternatively izaya crossdresses as a female idol and somehow no one realizes. except for shizuo. that would be hilarious actually. he refuses to do swimsuit modeling or other provocative stuff and his fans are like “oh?? the brazen kanra-chan is unexpectedly shy?? how cute” and he plays into it but inwardly he’s like. god i know exactly how im gonna go out with a bang when i retire. and shizuo watches him playing at being shy on tv knowing that that motherfucker is planning to strip on his last days as an idol

anyway this is just me spitballing ideas but ill definitely write at least a concept/intro fanfic of this at some point so stay tuned lmAo im just about to run out of writing juices on ABAON so i gotta transfer my energy somewhere else and where better than the idol!izaya au

[foxpunk]

I would like to hear about your vampires 👀

OH BOY!!!

So, Jessie (they/he/whatever) and Angel (he/him; Spanish name pronunciation: Ahn-hell, though he's alright with Angel too). They are precious OCs with stupid-baka-lives that I made with my bestie, Joan.

Jessie is a vampire who is relatively "new." They got turned in the 90s when they were in their 20s and living the goth dream. I mean Goth goth. PLEASE look up 90s goth fashion. The hair, the makeup... *chef kiss*

Then we get to modern day, and we have our lovely bisexual himbo college Jock, Angel. Now you may be thinking he does not sound like a stereotypical vampire, and you are correct. Because at this point, he is Not a vampire. He is a ray of sunshine, actually, so this story is hilariously ironic. He's social, and outgoing, and young, and uh. A little bit slow on the uptake (more on that later)...he's doing his best!

He's also got a thing for goths. Lol. Lmao.

One day he's at some party on campus when he notices Jessie gatecrashing, and being a wallflower, and generally being SO his type. Luckily our boy Angel is Jessie's type too. Their blood type, that is. Meaning. Yep, he's got blood alright! (...it Does help that he's cute)

Anyways, getting straight (or, bisexual, actually) to the point: they have a one night stand. Or at least, it was Supposed to be a one night stand, with Jessie nabbing a bit of fresh blood at some point and Angel none the wiser. Jessie just says they're a biter, which, to be fair, is Not a lie. But now, it's the morning after, and Jessie doesn't shoo off Angel right away. Both because he seems like a good guy who won't be weird about it, and because Angel seems like the king of guy who needs five meals a day or he'll die. Totally the only reasons. So, instead of shooing, they offer some breakfast to Angel.

Angel, darling that he is, eagerly accepts. Jessie, however, forgot to take into account that they are a Vampire and Angel is Not A Vampire. They need to give Angel actual edible food. Which like. It's not like Jessie never eats human food, it's just rare these days. So they've got to scrounge around to try and find anything and they find...some dubiously aged Eggos. Jessie tries to say maybe they should go get some ingredients to actually make somethint, but Angel is like it's fineee! I love Eggos!! They've been in the fridge this whole time!!! What could possibly go wrong!!!!!!!

So yeah, Angel chokes on these stale old Eggos and Jessie does not know the Heimlich or CPR. Not very high on vampire To-Learn priority lists I guess what with the uh. Immortality and all.

...Yeah, you guessed it. Jessie - understandably, really - panics over the dead body in their apartment and is like. OH, FUCK... WELL. I DO HAVE A SOLUTION FOR THIS and they turn Angel...That part is less understandable but a LOT funnier, so it stays.

TL;DR: Angel takes this all (relatively) in stride and is just happy to be here. Jessie thinks he is insane for this (they're right) and is now also responsible for giving this jock, this ray of sunshine, this...Extrovert...the Vampire 101 crash course.

Needless to say, chaos ensues.

(They do eventually properly enter A Relationship together and everyone around them is going to suffer through their eternal undying honeymoon phase.)

Bonus Content: There's more characters in this story! Like the legitimately batshit (<- compliment) 500+ year old bar owner vampire who sired Jessie. She is so unhinged and girlboss I love her. And also, Angel's long time Best Friend/former soccer team mate who is a disabled trans lesbian werewolf. Who Angel did NOT know is a werewolf AT ALL despite her barely bothering to hide it around him in recent years. I did mention he was slow on the uptake, remember...

So, yeah, that's the rundown on them! I haven't drawn the others yet, but here's some Jessie and Angel for y'all <3

[ Character Descriptions: Angel has a bigger body and face with an athletic build. His eyes are dark and a bit droopy with thick eyebrows, and hair is dark, wavy, and cut short in an undercut. There's a small birthmark dotted on his jawline. Jessie is shorter and slimmer. Their hair is grown past their shoulders, but shaved on the sides and heavily teased for volume. For makeup, their eyebrows are thin and sharp, eyeshadow is smudged on, and their eyeliner has two dramatic wings on the lower lids. They've also got several ear piercings along with a labret and nostril piercing. / End of character descriptions. ]

[hooshizzoria]

haha getting away with this mind the tw/food/dieting/death tw readmore

hashbrown....hotdog (try with relish) ...actually eat pasta eg lasgna....anyone digression but do u remember that pixie hollow game rip. did anyone else ever play fantage. plain party pizza the quintessential. i miss oh i just forgot. anyways fish tacos! the cheapish meat hard shells my dad would make us with like storebought guac and salsa and literally aside from the meat the cheese was shredded kraft like 👀like ok. oh i remembered-- pinkberry. waffle slice thingy and my first intro to mochi. bubble tea. eh i think i can get that before i go. would like to try some carne asada with guac but again like i cant really eat it well if u know what i mean. at least i can have choccky milk lol yay. and also vanilla milk. and strawberry milk to treat my friend OH lady m pastry???mmmm OH the gelato stall near lincoln. and ofc a good sando or burger and OH salmon cream cheese bagel sigh

Moar. panna cotta. rice pudding my grandma used to make. hell any kind of pie tbh. creme brulee. sure u coukd get that easy but like will itv be good? that clam pasta. squid pasta lol nvr rly tried it. ohh pork adobo...its the belly parts for me 😔

ice cream factory my beloved 🥺 also i s2g just the nostalgia of going to an ice cream shop and getting a waffle cone on that ie typically haasgen dazs

fish and chips nvr rly had too much of that. enchance my salad game tbh for the taste than any health benefits lmao. have a taste of kombucha, try out a breakfast bowl or poke bowl. korean hot dog. oh hot pot! or shabu shabu! more ramen lol. more izakaya. ooh yakitori

[heatwa-ves]

izuleo is eternally on the brain gay ppl will not leave me alone... anyway thats good!! im doing fine, about to eat breakfast then chill for a few hrs

FRR I was like "oh izuleo is neat ig" and then it spiralled into insanity and now they won't leave my brain 🤧 also I forgot timezones were a thing for a second and was wondering why you'd be having breakfast at nearly 4pm lmao but enjoy :] breakfast is always yummy

[yuneu]

Hey cutieee <3333 don't worry AT ALL about not answering right away. I had read that you were sick and I was waiting for you to get better before sending another ask anyway!!! I feel like I'm high and also miserably not functioning every time I'm sick, so I really REALLY understand that!!!

OMG your sister is not NOT right about Italians, you know LOL although this trick would work better in the south, or by the coast. Here's my advice that should cover pretty much all of us: talk coffee and wine!!!! LMAO

Ohhhhh I'm SOOOOO into poetry I love so so so many poets. One of my favorites has to be Mary Oliver. Cliché? Maybe. But I love her. And I also love Wislawa Szymborska. Some good ol' Italian Giacomo Leopardi is a sad, existential one I always recommend too LOL and another Italian one who recently passed away (😢) is Patrizia Cavalli. Love her poems a lot!!!! and I'm also soooooooo into symbolism. Baudelaire. Rimbaud. Verlaine. But mostly Baudelaire. And the romantics OMG love them too. Wordsworth, little darling of mine, take me on the coach with you while you cross the bridge and write the most beautiful poem ever thank you very much!!!! (You can tell I'm particularly into poetry, can't you? LOL) You talked about being the most basic bitch, but look at the basic bitch that I am!!!!!!!

Awww OFC YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOUR BOOKBINDING BECAUSE *YOU* *MADE* *IT* !!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU FEEL SATISFIED? DONT YOU FEEL A LITTLE BIT HEALED? I LOVE HANDMADE THINGS (I have soooo many hobbies revolving around this for one reason LOL)

Music and books >>>>> (and I would personally add movies, too. The Holy Trinity to me!!!!) That was an unfair question, I know. I apologize. You gave me artsy vibes too and I was curious about getting to explore this some farther!!!

Ooooh mirrorball, I relate. What you said, I relate to it!!!!!

OMG YOU CAN DRAW??????? 😭😭😭😭😭 CHARCOAL DRAWINGS??????? I *LOVE* THAT!!!!!! THIS IS SO COOL (I'm very much like Taylor when it comes to this, I'm very much *Stars. Do u like dem?* LOL)

I get that music-train thing. Cuz same LOL actually, living alone (well, not now cuz in back to my hometown for the holidays, but in general), I do listen to music A LOT. I listen to it when I cook, when I eat, when I clean my apartment, when I shower, when I do hobbies that don't involve sounds (I play instruments, I sing, I watch movies, I make silly little directing projects), such as crocheting or sewing or reading or embroidery or origami or some really fucked-up ugly painting cuz I'd feel the need to paint and then remember I'm really bad at it only midway and a full breakdown through it LOL

Anywayyyyy new questions:

First of all, are you feeling better? I really hope you are!!!! 🫶🫶🫶

Gonna go with some easier, faster this-or-that questions this time: tea or coffee? Sea or mountain? Sunflowers or roses? Tulips or chrysanthemums? Willow tree or cactus? Ice cream or popsicles? Sweet or salty breakfast? The Archer or Afterglow? Daylight or I forgot that you existed? 1989 vaults or fearless vaults? Red vaults or speak now vaults? Nail polish: yes or no? Folkmore photo shooting or midnights?

- Your Deer Santa 🦌🎅☃️

you know what i DO love talking about coffee… i shall try this on my milano trip 😙

i love that!!!!! i’ve been trying to read poetry in italian but my language aptitude is clearly not high enough because i just end up being so confused everytime 😭😭 oh baudelaire… such a fine poet. i’ve studied him so much in high school 😭 then it was verlaine they kept shoving down our throats again and again in my first year at uni lmaoo. my favorite work by baudelaire is definitely petits poèmes en prose (all hail the inventor of prose poetry). my literary love has been rimbaud since i was really young though! i have so many versions of his works, and i feel particularly close to him because my aunt lives where he grew up and wrote most of his poetry haha. my favorite poets altogether would probably be him, mallarmé and éluard. i got really into neruda and nicanor as well when i studied spanish literature. i feel like poetry is the one literary domain where you can’t be a basic bitch because there’s a reason the greats are so revered tbh

lmaoo i would say i can draw! everyone in my family is so talented when it comes to drawing so i’m nothing special lolol but i do love a good drawing! also i doubt you can’t draw! one of my professors who was a specialist of children’s literature always told us that most of the time when we think we can’t draw it’s because we can’t draw in a certain style (realism being the prime example). she digitalized a bunch of drawings that students who claimed they couldn’t draw did, added color, and it turned out it looked really good as illustrations for poetry books or kids’ books!

you play instruments and sing? that’s so cool!!! i’m so jealous!!! what do you play? what do you sing? 👀

1 - gradually getting better but yes!!! i still have a cough but i no longer feel like im on my death bed lmaoo

2 - tea or coffee (sorry italyyy)? Sea or mountain? Sunflowers or roses? Tulips or chrysanthemums? Willow tree or cactus? Ice cream or popsicles? Sweet or salty breakfast? The Archer or Afterglow? Daylight or I forgot that you existed? 1989 vaults or fearless vaults? Red vaults or speak now vaults? Nail polish: yes or no? Folkmore photo shooting or midnights?

these are such 👀👀 questions actually, what about you??? just realized i haven’t even asked you your favorite songs 😭😭 so tell me your favorites!!! hehe

[project-sour-grapes]

Mitigation

Two articles ago, I illustrated how every area of my life was ass. In this article, I will list what I'm actually going to do about it.

First, I forgot to mention a big issue in my life, that my research at my full-time job is going so slowly that my boss is showing mild frustration. I haven't made enough time for it between picking up two classes and spinning the plates of my business, fitness, jiu jitsu, art comissions, my weekend EMT job, my MCAT studying, and more. But it's my damn job, so I better get with it. I did just resign from the weekend EMT job, so that is a partial mitigation.

Anyway, mitigation plan list. What I'm going to do is brainstorm a bunch of options for I can do. And then I'm going to pick what I will actually do.

I make the least money I've ever made. I can build my business. I can take that (secret-ish) contract that is coming up and try to knock it out of the park. I can sell my body (just kidding, I'm too much of a germaphobe for that).

I am 6 figures in debt of various types. I can solve this by addressing the previous bullet point. An option is to file for bankruptcy, but we're not doing that.

I'm the shortest, weakest guy at my jiu jitsu gym. I can hit the gym more frequently and for longer stints each time.

For my research/full-time job, I can make time for that. I can wake up at 5am and do that instead of fucking around on my phone and doom scrolling through Reddit. Part of my frustration is that I may wake up at 5:30 but not get into work until 9am between hour-long traffic and ironing my shirt and prepping breakfast, yadda yadda. This sucks especially on Tuesday/Thursdays, when my in-person Ochem class eats up 3 hours of my afternoon. I am capable of mitigating this.

I have fumbled all of my intimate relationships. This one is tough to mitigate with one or a few things. I am getting better at it though. This is a whole other conversation.

I live with my parents again. My Jeep is already setup for car camping. I could do a hybrid week where I'm near my job during the week and at my parents' on weekends. The tougher option would be to make so much money off of my business or another job that I could afford rent.

I am bald as fuck. I have been trying minoxidil with some success. I got lazy and stopped microneedling, which cost me some progress. (Yes, microneedling is scientifically supported. Ask me with my biology and almost-neuroscience degrees lol. The biochemistry behind it is reasonable [sulfotransferase, etc.] and supported in the literature.) The mitigation here would be to consistently use minoxidil and microneedling daily.

I am still pretty chubby despite working out nearly every day. The mitigation is to eat less. Clearly, I'm eating extra. I already do keto, but it has been lazy keto for the past year, and my face has gotten a little pudgy because of it lmao.

My GPA is too low for medical school. I can mitigate this with a perfect MCAT. I can apply only to schools that look at the last 60 credits. I can ask for independent review on my applications. I can make connections with adcoms through my job and apply to their schools. I can make so many quality publications that there is little room for doubt about my scientific capabilities. I could go to a Caribbean or Canadian med school.

My business has only made a few hundred in revenue. I could actually spend more time on it instead of putting time on my calendar and then not actually working on my business. My website sucks. My products suck. The articles are good, but they're slow to publish. I am being slow at all of it. I can just put out more content and products. I know what to do.

I'm already behind in Ochem 1. I can study more. Like the last bullet point, all I need to do is put in the time.

I was born without a dingaling, which makes physical relationships especially hard, on top of my goofy-ass social skills and tendency towards codependence. This one will be tough to mitigate as well, because bottom surgeries tend to be booked 2-3 years out for any surgeon worth their credentials. Will have to look more into this one for concrete steps.

[causenessus]

HI LOVELY!! good morning afternoon or evening to you! how’s your day been!! i hope you’ve eaten AND REMEMBER TO EAT DURING UR LONG SHIFTS OR I WILL APPEAR ON UR SCREEN !!! (lovingly) the way i gasped when i read your response because i was just like… YOU DIDNT EAT? :( i was so distraught but i hope whatever u had for dinner was good, but still !! always remember to eat and take care of yourself or the ghost of me will scold u (lovingly again) (nothing but love for you always)

today i had banh xeo for breakfast (tbh at this point i feel like you can guess what nationality i am LMAO) but OMG YOU LIKE VIET FOOD?? WE ARE SO SOULMATES !! TWIN FLAME !! AND OMG THATS SO CUTE I HAVE A VOICE IM HHHH that’s so cute i feel so very honoured but omg yesterday while i was like doing whatever right i had a realization that im literally like mystic messenger right now with the “make sure you eat!!” “how are you!!” like IM LITERALLY A CHARACTER IN MYSTIC MESSENGER RIGHT NOW THATS CRAZY (id be so embarrassed if you didn’t know what mystic messenger is but also would not blame you) ALSO YES WE CAN YAP TOGETHER I LOVE YAPPING BUT IM DEFINITELY YAPPING TOO MUCH LIKE I WANNA REPLY TO EVERYTHING YOU SAID SO IM LIKE HHH YAP YAP YAP me and ness are literally yapper and yapper like im trying to hold back but im here like omg among us??? omg whack dreams??? i wanna know what dreams??? omg school?? i’m school soon too!!

but but one more thing omg i’m so sorry LOL BUT I FEEL LIKE WE’RE IN THE SAME TIMEZONE?? BECAUSE EVERYTIME YOU MENTION THE TIME IN YOUR POSTS i check my time and im like huh.. silly… coincidence, but it’s 4pm for me rn !!maybe im crazy maybe im not but omg when it gets to school you can 100% rant about it because i will 100% do it too HAHA school has me like like genuinely tweaking like one small thing and im like OH MY GOD YOU WILL NOTTTT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TODAY

omg sorry i need to wrap this up but yes try again is amazing don’t doubt yourself and u can always yap to me whenever whenever like i’ll literally make a burner account and dm you instead so we can yap without having to flood your blog or if you don’t mind i don’t mind but mango anon loves you very much and mango anon would want ness to take care of herself forever and always and HAVE A GOOD DAY !!! xoxoxo

AAAAA OMG I AM HERE LIKE 11 HOURS LATER <33 DO NOT WORRY I AM EATING AS WE SPEAK BEFORE MY LONG SHIFT tbh i felt like so nauseous about eating anything though today idk why (i have like two suspicions lmao i def know why) but since i'm working i was like "then i'll just pick something up on the way there!!" so i went to my groccery store to get a sandwhich BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY </333 so i'm having a blazing dragon poke bowl instead??? and it's okay 😔 like i don't know how i feel yet about groccery store sushi and stuff but i've had it before!! it's just a bunch of spicy imitation crab, cucumber, carrots, and rice and i'm mainly just there for the rice. AND OMG i walked around the store bc i was trying to see if they had liquid death (caffeinated tea i think. i don't like it but i really need caffeine today </3) and they didn't have any and i decided to go back to like their little food section to get bao (you can probably guess my ethnicity too 😭) and i almost got hit bc this man WHIPPED around when i tried to pass him like i literally ducked i was so scared he was about to hit me and that man was STILL not aware of me. ANYWAY SORRY RANDOM STORY YOU AND ME AND VIET FOOD!!! TWIN FLAMES!!

ALSO OMG MYSTIC MESSENGER 😭 BRO I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT 707 LIKE TWO DAYS AGO WHEN THAT WHOLE ANON APOCALYPSE HAPPENED I WAS LIKE "i'm going to go 707 on these people and find out where they live and haunt them /hj" PLEASE I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THEIR LITTLE "remember to eat" messages and everything but it's so cute <33 and YES we will yap together!! i went in to school today although it starts tomorrow to switch up my schedule and going there was HORRIBLE i saw so many disgusting people :/// BUT i have a pretty good schedule now so it has it's pros and cons!!! i just give people dirty looks and accidentally saw "ew" aloud all the time :))) AND IK THAT SOUNDS MEAN BUT LIKE YK HOW PEOPLE ARE and the people that live in my state are all rich privileged kids and it never changes 😭 i see them everywhere AND THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME AND ACT THE SAME AND ARE GROSS

and LMAO A BURNER ACCOUNT I WOULD TOTALLY TAKE IT THOUGH!!! i'd love to talk to you whenever please please please feel free to make one and dm whenever you'd like!! <3 I LOVE SEEING YOUR ASKS THOUGH I LITERALLY WILL BE HAPPY EITHER WAY AS LONG AS I GET TO TALK TO YOU <3 I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY TODAY ANON!!

[a-heart-like-a-sparrow]

December 30th, 2023 - Cemetery

────────────────────────────── Woke up at almost 3 PM Skipped breakfast again Mom and I visited Dad ──────────────────────────────

☆.。†：＊・゜☆．。†：＊・゜☆．。†：＊・゜☆

Oh God, why didn't I do this earlier?

Right now I'm at a restaurant with my dear guests waiting for my mother. I got distracted and didn't write this at home before leaving.

But today was great actually. I went to the cemetery with my mother. Yesterday was my father's birthday and I couldn't go (I've already explained why). We cleaned his spot a bit, put fresh flowers and lit a new candle. I really wanted to cry, but I didn't. I miss him a lot.

Also, my mother told me I had written a letter for him. I completely forgot. She said she'll show it to me when she finds it.

Anyway, in the afternoon I hung out with my aunt and we stopped for some... thing. I really cannot explain it in English, you people don't have an actual word for it.

Paramos para conseguir una merienda. (translate it, it's your problem now lmao)

After that we visited some shops and went back home. And now we're out again to have dinner. We'll be back soon anyway.

So everything was good, including that visit to my father. It was a nice moment. Let's hope for more good times tomorrow! It's the last day of the year, it's gotta be good.

I don't have anything else to say. This entry became a way to register my day lol. But at least I wrote something.

I'll see y'all tomorrow. Thank you for anyone who's reading this without following me. And thank you to the ghosts reading this without me knowing.

Rest well!

☆.。†：＊・゜☆．。†：＊・゜☆．。†：＊・゜☆

PD: We went out to eat, okay? Something sweet.

And yeah, I didn't fix the other entries like I said I would. My computer is frozen again lmao.

[desperate2lose]

August 17th, 2023

11 pm: wow i can’t believe i forgot to do my entry until now. tbh probably because when i weighed myself i was a pound heavier and even tho it’s prob fluctuation it ruined my whole damn day lmao

i pretend i do not see 😑🫣

i was supposed to eat 800 today buuuut it just didn’t work out. tbh thats a bit lower than i want to go anyway. i want to make sure i’m eating 1k-1200 until i plateau due to losing weight. but also dieting w my friends is so fun 🥺

anywayyy i had grapes and a slice of toast for breakfast and then some turkey dogs for lunch and elote for dinner 🤤 🌽🌶️

my head kinda hurts so i’m gonna drink some powerade zero.

[steouwu]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

tw: mentions of grief, loss, and some other negative feelings.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

🌷 : today's song – interlude // aly remulla , emn’98ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

07 / 03 / 23

today, i woke up early. (around 6 am) the first thing i usually do fix my side of bed (i share a room bed with my mom) then after that, i go and prepare calamansi water :DD me and mom drink calamansi water every morning before breakfast. it has a lot of health benefits according to her in which i forgot, but since it has the potential to make you lose weight and i noticed that it improved my digestive system, i continued on drinking it.

ever since lola past away (just this year, may 29.) we've tried getting into healthier habits. my family were never all that sweet or that caring. especially my uncles and aunties to each other but i noticed that ever since uncle's wife came and helped arrange the funeral, her caring nature has rubbed on us. i love it : ) hehe. we now focus on taking care of grandpa. he even started eating an apple everyday for his health. we've learned a lot i guess. honestly though, i found myself getting back to my original unhealthy habits recently (but i swear, I am doing my best to counter it) and have gotten a bit more comfortable and happier even since she passed away. though i'm still blaming myself for her death due to some circumstances i am too lazy to elaborate. because of that, i avoid on wearing my headphones even though i comforts me and clears my mind. it's not a punishment for myself (maybe a bit) but mostly, it's just ’cause mom told me that if i noticed grandma was gone inside my room (i used to have a room of my own before. when the funeral was over, grandpa transferred into my room) earlier and maybe heard her fainting or struggling (in the bathroom. that's where she passed away.) if i wasn't wearing headphones, maybe she could've been saved. she had always told me to stop wearing it because i drift away from my reality. i am always in my head. she inflicted in me such a heavy feeling and i wish she considered that i was grieving too before saying that. it still hunts me and i feel as guilty as ever when i wear my headphones now. i've worn it about 3 times since she died (i used to wear it whenever i use my laptop) but i keep relapsing and going back to feeling guilty and blaming myself. one of my friends said i shouldn't be blaming me for things that are out of my control but i don't know, maybe it was in my control. maybe the reason as to why she visits my aunts and uncles in their dreams but do not visit me is because she could have been saved if it wasn't for me. damn.

anyways, lmao. sorry for the drama, after i drank calamansi water, i went outside for a walk and to buy breakfast. i had sinangag and egg with ma ling! :DD it was really good and i only had it because i just got my allowance this week. it's quite expensive, to eat it everyday. after breakfast, i watched a series in netflix for some time before preparing to go to school. my school ended already but since i am a part of the publication, i had to go for a meeting and a surprise training. it was fun, though my head was floating in space as i write it. there are so many things holding me back from actually achieving my real potential in writing that time. sometimes though, the shackles break and words just flow into me. I don't know when my head started to feel blank yet too filled at the same time. i think i have some time of ailment or maybe i just need to let myself go more.

after the training, a friend of mine came to school too to pay for her tuition in order to see her grades. the deliberation of grades for the second semester is today. i hugged her before going home. i chose to walk home to save money (because unfortunately, we aren't rich and we live in a third world country with a bunch of corrupt politicans who steal the Filipinos’ taxes aside from making them pay from a debt they didn't fucking cause. fuck you, Marcoses.) and on the way home, i bought siomai! yum.

i ate siomai and the dish my uncle cooked as lunch. then, i proceeded to sit in my desk (which is at my grandpa's room) and occupy myself. i tried to draw but i really do not have motivation and ended up fucking my anatomy practice. i settled to scrolling on tiktok and feeding myself dopamine until my timer ran out. i feel like a zombie most of the time because of social media, honestly. but tumblr's different. i rarely ever scroll on tumblr. i just use it as an open diary.

while in my desk, i thought a cat ate my chickens. i have pet chickens named jojo and benben. turns out, no one ate anything. a stray cat stumbled upon our house and followed my auntie (who first saw it) and gave it food. the stray cat isn't yet fully grown up and seems to be somebody else's pet because it's squeaky clean. it's also not agressive, and playful aside from that. my family members are speculating that it's grandma that came back for us because it just won't leave our house no matter what. i named the cat Saucy as a tribute to my other chicken, Suzie who passed away because a cat ate them :((

it's 6:41 pm right now so i cannot consider my day done yet. i wanted to read today but after frying my brain due to scrolling too much on social media, i lost my motivation and settled to feeling so low, empty, and aimless. i feel aimless most of the time. my potential is wasted, i do not know how to socialize, i feel so uncomfortable with myself. sigh. but i hope it'll get better. right now though, i am so tired.

i am so proud of my grades, though. or maybe not. i get it all the time. but i still want to gain people's admiration and my mom's praises. my average is 97 this semester and my overall average this grade according to my computation is 96. is that great enough for people to be blown away? i don't know. getting high grades is expected of me all the time. it's the only thing i'm literally good at and school is the only thing that makes me feel alive.

i don't know why this entry of mine turned very melodramatic but i definitely feel better after writing it all out like this. thanks internet for apps like these. it's the only thing you did great.ㅤ

right now, i'm hungry. so i guess i'll eat.ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ended, 6:55 pm

🩷ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ